#I have seen that hurricanes fans aren’t blaming him at all but you know he’s going to take that loss hard

[bravevolunteer]

@slaughterlocked asked: 💬 + rumour has it you’re more of a murderer than i thought. ( — because i’m insane over this ! )

ANOTHER INCIDENT REPORTED on TV, in the local newspaper, in just about every corner of Hurricane the information could possibly spread… the tragedy’s impact is inescapable. Increased disappearances, missing children, police tape over the doors of the restaurant as they comb through every single corner. Michael already endured the questioning— his tense demeanor talking to the police must have been noticeable ( the town’s law enforcement aren’t usually his biggest fans… and everyone here knows Michael Afton’s name for one thing ). Many questions he couldn’t answer, others made him sick to his stomach with memories he cannot choke up— he’s heard his father come home concerningly late some nights, seen him cross the living room with a look in his eyes that sent a chill up Michael’s spin, any growing suspicion always silenced by swift reinforcements of his weak points. Regardless, there wasn’t anything to incriminate him, and Michael got off with a curt nod and encouragement to contact them if he saw anything.

But small town rumors don’t care about things like that.

His return to school since the most recent incident had been brutal, hardly able to push through the hallways without feeling countless sets of eyes burning into him. It reminds him of how they looked at him after Evan: a nauseating mix of fear, anger, and pity, yet there is no shred of sympathy in most gazes now. Anyone who doesn’t outright avoid him is accusatory— spitting comments in his direction, just waiting for Michael to snap and prove them all RIGHT. He dares to react and he’s the angry murderer, the piece of shit freak who killed his brother and those KIDS, and Michael doesn’t know how much more of it he can endure.

Murderer. Murderer. Murderer.

“Where’d you hear that?” Michael snaps, even though he already knows. Because he reacted. He couldn’t stand the fucking looks and jeers and let his temper win and had to be dragged away by the arms near thrashing in a stupid, desperate attempt to deflect the crushing blame and get ANYONE on his side. They called home. Of course they did.

The comment from his father stings, but it doesn’t surprise him. He expects it, finds a sick sort of steadiness in it even, and embraces the way it takes its place writhing underneath his skin or on the mountain of things that are wrong with him. Who is he without the wound at this point?

Out of impulse, or maybe Michael just doesn’t care what his father says to him for it this time, he retaliates: “Kind of a low blow there from you— just… seems lazy, since this is your problem. You were there too, you know what they found on me.” Nothing. Even still, an overwhelming guilt that he can’t explain threatens to swallow him: he didn’t kill those kids, but he feels completely responsible. Michael thinks about the stares again. One of his classmates… their sibling is missing, and they MUST think it was him. Michael’s head spins. “Sorry to disappoint. Again.”

[mahkaria]

SY transmigrates early (and destroys SQH’s sanity in the process)

After a truly dreadful childhood with YQY which he swears he’ll strangle Airplane shooting toward the sky for (I can’t believe how long it took me to understand it was a sexual innuendo), SY arrives to Cang Qiong Mountain. He goes to Qing Jing, gets a fanclub which he absolutely doesn’t know about (what’s new?) and starts cultivating which is the coolest thing ever. So what if he set a few things on fire? He has to test all those cool spells. 

------------  Truth be told, it takes SQH an awful lot of time to notice the scum villain isn’t acting as he should. Can you blame him? Cucumber-bro is a hurricane locked in 5’1” tall body. He will smile at you at first and then murder you if he sees you annoy one of his shimei. 

It’s only when he hears him comment on (criticize) someone’s writing that he realizes: “Wait I actually know this guy.”. He talks to him about it and promptly gets punched in the face which...fair. 

Yet, despite anything, SY doesn’t try to avoid him after this. Quite the contrary in fact. They stick together to the point that even YQY comes to see him one day and asks what his intentions are toward his “precious little brother”. SQH : “Bro, you turned a nice guy into a yandere-big-brother-type.” 

SY *sipping his tea* : Accidents happen. (One day, when true An Ding Peak member wants to show their superiority over him which is a very nice way to say bullying, SY jumps into a fight to save him. SQH definitely doesn’t get a small crush on him because of this.)

Then the fated first meeting with Liu Qingge who at the moment looks more like a newly-born kitten than the fearsome War God arrives. Has he already told how terrifying Cucumber Bro is? Yes ? Well, he’d like to say it again. He knew already that this guy was fierce. Some authors liked to complain about how this “Expert reader” would make even the thickest faced person cry tears of agony. They couldn’t even ban him : he theoretically didn’t insult them nor say anything untrue ! 

All this to say that having gone through the scum villain’s upbringing didn’t soften him. Not. At. All. 

He beats any overly prideful person to the ground and looks like a model while  doing it. Each Young Master who thinks he can run away from his responsibilities ends up suffering. At the end, SY’s growing fanclub ends up gaining a new reluctant member. Now, SY can be seen followed by a Bai Zhan disciple who asks to fight him all day long. 

This isn’t good for SQH’s blood pressure. Like all passionate readers, SY loves experimenting with each aspect of the world he likes. A new cool spell ?  He has to learn it. A new creature with more teeth than should be possible? Let’s go see it. Stop screaming, bro, I’m sure it isn’t as dangerous as it seems. (They don’t talk about the first time he had manipulated a fan and destroyed a part of Qing Jing Peak. They don’t. Roofs are overrated anyway.) 

Liu (not yet) Qingge doesn’t help. To each of SY’s stupid ideas, he answers with an eager nod and by taking out his sword.  

SQH : aren’t you worried about the plot? Luo Binghe? Human-stick SQQ *who just discovered a new interesting beast or flower and wants to enjoy a healthy body* : We still have time. LQG *who doesn’t understand what SQH is saying* : Shixiong, there is Moon-shattering Lion there, let’s go fight it. 

It’s like wrestling with two hyperactives toddlers and SQH is so done with it. As if his king wasn’t enough, he has to deal with Shen “why should I care about my own life, let’s go see this giant monster over there” Yuan and Liu “I’m 13 but already have lost all my brain cells apart from those used to fight and watch Shixiong* Qingge. 

It’s exhausting. Unfortunately, he can’t seem to break away from them. The current peak lords seem to have the stupid misconception that SQH is a willing partner of those two’s insanity. It means that they all get paired in every.FREAKING. MISSION. 

By the time they are named head disciple, everyone knows of Cang Qiong’s earth shattering trio. It is a more literal name that SQH would like, Cucumber Bro really isn’t good at measuring out his strength. Liu Qingge doesn’t even try. 

The only person who understands is Mu Qingfan, the unlucky person who has to patch them up when they come back from their “adventures”. 

[mychemicalficrecs]

What I've Been Reading Lately (Jan '20)

lock and key by mwestbelle, Frank/Mikey, 2k, Explicit. A College AU with chastity belts!

Buzzed by synonomy, Frank/Gerard, 6k, Mature. "You should," Frank gets out between snorts, "you should cut your hair." "What?" Gerard wheezes. "No, it's just - it's all stuck up." Frank shuffles forwards on his knees and then his hands are in Gerard's hair. Gerard's laughter dies down abruptly. Frank's fingers are surprisingly gentle on his scalp, ruffling it up, carding through it. "We'd probably have to wash it first, though," he says thoughtfully.

Infected With The Past by gala_apples, Frank/Gerard, 1k, Teen And Up Audiences. Frank got sick so many times as a child that as an adult being sick just makes him feel scared and out of control.

Cursed Bodies and Stolen Hearts by Andromedas_Void, Frank/Gerard, 22k, Mature. Gerard is a wizard hiding from the war, not to mention his old flame Bert, and Frank is a pet shop worker who gets tangled up in the middle with a curse placed on his body.

Witch Verse by kyOMG, Frank/Gerard, 3k, Mature, Explicit. Gerard really, really, really hated cats. Yeah, yeah, he knows—He’s a witch. Cats, witches… they are supposed to like each other, right? Well, Gerard really doesn’t like them. Like, at all. They were whiny and boring and rude. If they could talk they’d probably tell Gerard that he stunk and that he was the worst witch they had ever seen. So what if he didn’t like to shower and his spells usually turned his hair (or Mikey’s) green?

Picture of Health by brooklinegirl, Frank/Gerard, 11k, Explicit. They've been on tour for less than a week when Gerard sees Frank hooking up with the dude from Twin Atlantic.

Well Okay Then by autoschediastic, Ray/Gerard, 5k, Explicit. "Okay?" Gerard's eyes open one after the other. He squints at Ray again. "Okay, as in you're okay with Frank and Mikey using you for prime masturbatory material? Because, like, on the one hand, it's genuine appreciation of your skill, but on the other--" "Okay, I can fuck you out of your head," Ray butts in.

your money where your mouth is by endlessnighttimesky, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Explicit. "If you have to go to the ER after this you won't blame me, you mean?" Frank grins. "I take full responsibility," he agrees. "Now put it in me, baby."

A New Design For X and Y by DeadFreddie, Frank/Gerard, 6k, Explicit. Frank Iero is the frontman in a successful band called Leathermouth, and Gerard Way is a comic writer working for DC. When they meet at one of Frank's shows, their mutual respect for the other's work becomes something a lot more personal. Oh and Frank's a trans guy and Gerard's nonbinary because I'm Trans And I Make The Rules.

It's Always Sunny In Mordor by JupiterMelichios, SapphyWatchesYouSleep (JupiterMelichios), Gerard/Mikey, Frank/Gerard/Mikey, 3k, Teen And Up Audiences. The boys are trapped in their hotel by a hurricane, and a fan's sent Gerard a Truth or Dare game. There's only one way this can end.

Adrift by innocent_wolves, Frank/Gerard, 31k, Explicit. When successful author Gerard Way is forced to do something drastic to spur on his creativity, he decides to move out of the city. He buys an old villa in the small town of Kellmington and is satisfied with that, until he discovers that it’s already inhabited by one of the former residents: a persistent ghost. To have a dead spirit around is certainly not what he paid for, but Gerard soon learns that the ghost has its own story – a story that might lead him to a life-changing plot twist.

The Price Of Coffee by cybercandy, Frank/Mikey, Fun Ghoul/Kobra Kid, 4k, Explicit. They’ve been through this a million times since their supply of coffee beans ran out. Gerard finally admitted defeat after all he could get out of the coffee filters was a bitter, light-brown liquid that didn’t even remotely resemble coffee and they’ve been exposed to sullen sulking and temper tantrums worthy of a four year old every damn morning since.

Today is Tomorrow by alpheratz, Gerard/Mikey, Gabe/Mikey, Gabe/Gerard, 12k, Explicit. They haven't even been a band for two years, and they’re opening for Midtown. Gerard just wishes Mikey would stop telling him about sex with Gabe. And having sex with Gabe where Gerard can see them. And, really, having sex with Gabe at all, especially since Mikey doesn't even seem to be getting orgasms out of it.

Kiss Me, You Animal by dear_monday, Frank/Gerard, 5k, Explicit. It totally wasn't his fault, okay? Frank would like that on record. Because it wasn't. An exploration of the complex dynamic between... oh, sod it. This is SHAMELESS KILLJOY PORN. \o/

What What (In the Butt) by anoneknewmoose, Ray/Mikey, 2k, Explicit. Mikeyway, tragically, has never been fingered.

Disney Days by inlovewithnight, Kristin/Mikey, 934 words, General Audiences. Their trips to Disneyland aren't just fun, they're special.

Headfirst for Halos, P.I. by behindskylines (deanlovessammymorethanpie), Frank/Gerard, 4k, Teen And Up Audiences. “For the last time, Gerard,” Ray sighs, because he knows, deep down, that it won’t be, “we’re not ghostbusters.”

Sometimes by daniomalley, Frank/Mikey, 5k, Teen And Up Audiences. Mikey thought he was done with dating, but Gerard had other ideas.

By the sea by mwestbelle, Frank/Jamia/Gerard, 2k, Explicit. 23. Gerard/Frank/Jamia, east coast family day at the beach with candy and cuddles with a little D/s for flavor

[witchdoodle]

banter between my ocs

Katerina: What did you do? Shan: Please be more specific. Katerina: They made you tranquil... why? What did you do? Shan: I was responsible for inciting a riot, during which two templars were injured and one apprentice died. The Knight-Commander had me made tranquil as punishment. Katerina: That's... that's horrible. And that's not what tranquility is for. It's not meant to be punitive! Shan: No. Katerina: I'm so sorry. Shan: That is a kind sentiment.

Katerina: I never served in a circle. I didn't make it that far. What was it like? Shan: Please ask more specific questions. Katerina: Oh -- sorry. I mean, were you unhappy there? Shan: I suppose I was. It is likely that many of my actions were motivated by dissatisfaction. I no longer remember why. Katerina: What do you mean? Shan: I remember the events that occurred during my time in the Circle, but am unable to recall the emotional state behind any of my actions before my connection to the Fade was severed. Katerina: Oh...

Katerina: Where did you learn to fight, Shan? Shan: It was necessary to learn to defend myself after the Circle tower was abandoned. There were many bandits. Katerina: You don't exactly fight like a self-taught combatant, though. You've got a whole technique. Shan: Yes. A woman in Denerim trained me in knife combat. She wanted me to be capable of defending myself. Katerina: Was she your friend? Shan: I am sorry. I don't understand the question. Katerina: Nevermind.

Katerina: You have those elfy tattoos, but your technique looks like Circle magic. Are you from a Circle, then? Leith: White Spire. Katerina: I'm sorry. I've heard... stories. Did they treat you poorly? Leith: She jumped. She left me behind and she jumped. I saw them pull the pieces off and burn them. How will she find her way to Falon'din? Katerina: ... who? Leith: Sister. Katerina: Maker's breath. I'm... I'm sorry. Leith: You didn't do it.

Katerina: Is it true? You're a maleficar? Leith: Not malevolent. No. Katerina: But you practice blood magic. Leith: Yes. Katerina: Maker's breath, why? It's evil. Leith: Stick your hand on a burning log and call it evil. Katerina: That is NOT the same thing. Leith: No? The log is not evil. It hurt nobody. But it fuels a fire. Maybe that fire keeps someone warm. Maybe it boils water. Maybe it starts a forest fire. Maybe maybe maybe. Leith: It's all maybes. Maybe maleficar. Maybe fire. And anyway it's my blood. Not yours. Katerina: It had better bloody well stay that way!

Katerina: Sooner or later your own blood will not be enough. You'll have to use others' blood. Leith: Not really. Katerina: It's true. It's how it always goes happens. Always. The power is addicting, and you need more and more until... Leith: How many blood mages have you known? Katerina: I... well... Leith: A sword can cut down the innocent just as well as the guilty. You aren't begging for a bigger sword. Katerina: But I don't need a bigger sword for what I mean to do. Leith: Neither do I. Katerina: You don't feel the slightest urge to progress? Don't you want to be more powerful? Leith: No. Katerina: ... no? Leith: No. Katerina: You don't feel even the teensy-weensiest desire to be a little bit stronger? Leith: Do you?

Katerina: Demons are not your friends. They'll pose as such because they want control of your body. They want to cross into this world and destroy it. Leith: Why? Katerina: Because they're jealous of the Maker's creations, jealous of us! Leith: I don't think they are very jealous of me. I think if they used my skin suit it would be a downgrade. Maybe that's why they've never tried? Katerina: Ugh. The fact remains that demons cannot be your friends. Leith: They are not demons for me.

Katerina: You're rather tall for an elf. Leith: You're rather short for a human. Katerina: That -- hey!

Leith: You want something you can blame, something you can fight. You want something that makes sense, because it made sense before and now it doesn't, and maybe if they were wrong about that they're wrong about everything. Leith: I don't believe in a Maker. But you can, if it gives you purpose. And I think he would believe in you too. Katerina: That's... almost comforting, thanks.

Katerina: Your accent sounds familiar. Shireen: I wasn't born Dalish. I grew up in Val Royeaux. Katerina: A-ha! So that's what it is. You're from the alienage, then? Shireen: Sure. I'm from the alienage. Katerina: Why did you leave? Shireen: The Dalish were... kind to me, when others were not. They wanted me around. They gave two shits when no one else in the world did. Why wouldn't I want to be with them? Katerina: I don't mean to pry, but it sounds like your life was hard. I'm glad you found your people. Shireen: Thank you. I am, too.

Katerina: I know the alienage wasn't the best place in the world, but did you like Val Royeaux? Shireen: No. Katerina: Why not? It's a city of such beauty and importance -- the center of Orlesian culture, our spiritual heart... Shireen: You see gilded lions and grand marble columns. I see an army of invisible slaves toiling in the shadow of the Sunburst Throne. Katerina: Slaves? Slavery is illegal in Orlais. Shireen: Sure. How often do you think laws stop anyone with wealth from doing anything they please? Shireen: My parents sold me to a passing noble. I was eight. I remember. Katerina: I'm... so sorry. I didn't realise.

Katerina: Slavery is illegal in Orlais. Did you ever think to ask for help? Shireen: From whom? I was eight! Where would I go? Who would listen to a knife-ear? Shireen: My master kept me confined to his manor. If I tried to escape, I was caught and beaten. He threatened to kill my family. Shireen: I did not care for my parents. But my brothers and sisters... Katerina: That's... awful. Someone should have said something. I'm sorry.

Shireen: Why did you want to be a templar, anyway? Katerina: My father was one. A very famous one. I'd be surprised if you hadn't heard of him, actually. I idolized him; I wanted to be just like him. Shireen: And are you? Katerina: You know... I hope not. Shireen: Well, you left the Order, so you've got that going for you. Katerina: I'm embarrassed it took so long. I should have seen sooner... but I so wanted to believe we were doing good, that it was just a few bad apples in the bunch. Katerina: It took me too long to remove the blinders and see what the Order had become. Or maybe what it always was. Shireen: You did the right thing, and now you're trying to make the world better. Don't beat yourself up over how you got here. Katerina: ... Thank you. That means a lot.

Shireen: For what it's worth, I believe your father may have had good intentions. Katerina: I'm trying to believe that. That his crime was blindness, not cruelty. Shireen: If he was motivated by selfish gain, he would have become a chevalier. Katerina: He was a commoner. Chevalier only take nobles. Shireen: Good, then. Katerina: You're not a fan? Shireen: Every spring the new chevalier graduates ride through alienages across Orlais and slaughter the first elf they see. To test their blades. Katerina: ... Maker's breath. How did I not know this...? Shireen: You know now.

Shireen: Lethallen, what happened to your clan? Leith: Gone. Shireen: Killed, you mean? Leith: Gone. Shireen: Which clan was it? Leith: No. Shireen: ... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry. Leith, in Elvish: Keeper wanted to protect us. They came for the women, and he said no. They came back with more men, too many men, and killed them all. I couldn't protect them. I couldn't stop it. Shireen, in Elvish: It wasn't your fault. Leith: ... ma serannas, lethallan.

Shireen: I've never seen vallaslin like that. Which god is it meant to honour? Leith: No. Shireen: No god? I thought that was the point of them. Leith: Sometimes. Used to be. It's different now. We're different, changed. Dalish is not Halamshiral is not Elvhenan. We make our own meaning. Shireen: What does it mean, then? Leith: I have teeth too. Shireen: That you do.

Shireen: So... Leith: Button. Shireen: I saw you canoodling with the commander. Leith: He has a good smell, and warm hands. I like it. Shireen: Lethallen... Leith: Yes? Shireen, in Elvish: Bang that like an aravel's sail in a hurricane. Leith: (laughs)

Shireen: So... you can't feel anything, then? Shan: I am able to experience the same range of physical sensation as anyone else. When they severed my connection to the Fade, it removed my ability to dream and experience emotion. Shireen: Do you remember what it was like... before? Shan: No. Shireen: So you're not even living, are you? Just... surviving. Shan: You may think of it that way if you like. Shireen: No offense, but I'd kill myself first. Shan: I did try.

Shireen: Do you miss having magic? Shan: No. Shireen: You wouldn't rather still be a mage? Shan: I am content to exist as I am. Shireen: Really? You're fine with this? Shan: Would you rather be a badger? Shireen: I... what? No. Shan: You are not able to imagine what life as a badger would be like. Similarly, I am no longer able to imagine what a life with emotion feels like. I do not desire what I can't imagine. Shireen: ... I'd rather be a badger.

Shan: If the Dalish do not use templars, what do they do when mages become possessed by demons? Padraig: It doesn't happen often. Our mages don't grow up learning to fear their magic -- they learn to embrace it, to harness it. Even to want it. Padraig: To be the Keeper's apprentice is a great honour, and even a Second or Third might someday become the First in another clan. Shan: But is it not possible that mages could still become abominations? Padraig: It does happen sometimes. In that case, it's the clan's responsibility to hunt them down and... Padraig: Well. Put them out of their misery. Shan: Would it not be more efficient to put a system into place that would prevent such occurrences to begin with? Padraig: Lethallin, the templars don't stop shit. Mages in the Circle get possessed all the time. At a higher rate than ours do, from what I hear. Padraig: All templars and the Chantry do is teach mages to fear themselves, and fear draws demons in.

Shireen: 'Herald of Andraste.' Padraig: (retching noises) Shireen: (laughs) Is that our official position? Padraig: Let me have this, please. Shireen: You know, some of the People have a different opinion. They're calling you the Herald of Mythal. Padraig: I... don't know if that's really that much better. Shireen: Who do you think that was with you in the Fade? Padraig: I don't know, and I'm not interested in speculating.

Shireen: Do you even believe in the gods? Padraig: Do you? Shireen: Not really, but I'm not someone's First. How can you be the Keeper and lead a clan in worshiping gods you don't even believe in? Padraig: Doubt serves an important function. Being completely steadfast in your convictions is what makes fanatics and zealots. Cultivating skepticism is the healthiest thing for any spiritual leader. Shireen: I suppose... or it could just make people confused. Faith gives people's lives meaning. Doesn't it? Padraig: It can. But they can arrive there on their own. I'm not interested in prosletyzing to anyone. That's the Chantry's job.

Shireen: All right, I'll take one for the team here. I've seen him with his pants off. How does it even fit? Padraig: I just open a tiny little rift in my butt. Shireen: (horrified laughter)

Katerina: Why the switch to the sword, anyway? Padraig: I really hate just standing back there while the rest of you do all the work and take all the risks. I don't want to just send people out to die for me while I hang back where it's safe, you know? Padraig: Especially with this Herald business. I don't want people dying for me. Katerina: Hmm... I see what you mean, actually. Padraig: And... I guess I just found it a little romantic... all those tales of old elven knights. Katerina: The Chantry paints them as  butchers, don't they? Padraig: Friend, I could fill a tome with all the lies the Chantry's told about my people. Katerina: Maybe you should. I'd read it.

Katerina: I was serious, you know. Padraig: You'll have to be more specific, I can't tell if half the conversations I have were jokes. Katerina: I mean about learning the history of your people. I really do want to know. Padraig: That's... surprising. If you're serious, I could give you the summary. Katerina: Please do. I want to learn.

Katerina: Did you always know you preferred men? Padraig: I mean... I suppose I did, but I didn't want to admit it for a long time. If that makes sense. Katerina: Do the Dalish have a problem with that sort of thing? Padraig: Normally, not really. What you do is your business. But... having babies is important to us. Padraig: And I'm a mage. Our clan was desperate for mages. It felt selfish of me to refuse to pass that down. Katerina: Funny, humans are the opposite. If you're a mage and have babies, everyone thinks you're the selfish one. Padraig: Yes, I've noticed.

[the-desolated-quill]

Death In Heaven - Doctor Who blog (Fuck You Moffat)

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

Remember when I said The Name Of The Doctor was the worst series finale in New Who. Turns out I was wrong. This is the worst series finale in New Who. And I do hope Moffat isn’t interpreting this as a challenge, trying to come up with finales worse than the previous year’s. How about writing some good shit for once in your career?

Dark Water was an incredibly bad episode, but Death In Heaven takes it to new, insulting extremes. It’s utter bollocks from start to finish. It’s a mountain of bullshit so rock hard, not even diamond tipped drills could penetrate it. It’s an entire hurricane of piss. It’s... It’s... I didn’t like it.

Having fucked up the Daleks back in the previous series, it seems Moffat is now determined to ruin the second most popular monsters in the show the Cybermen, and he succeeds with flying colours. Is there anything the Cybermen can’t do now? They can fly, they can convert the dead, they can create clouds of Cyber-pollen, and apparently every atom of a Cyber body contains a program to upgrade the human race. At this stage the Cybermen have become so over-powered that they’ve just become utterly boring, evading anything the Doctor throws at them by pulling another random superpower out of their arses.

Also, like I said in my previous review, why are they converting the dead? Why not convert the living like they usually do? And why, once they’ve been converted, do they just stand around doing bugger all? It’s a bit hard to find Cybermen threatening when they pose no fucking threat whatsoever.

And then, as if you couldn’t undermine the Cybermen anymore than he already has, Moffat decides to go in for the kill with Danny Pink. I’m sorry, but Danny the droopy Cyberman has got to be one of the most pathetic sights I’ve ever seen. He wants to erase his emotions because of Clara (which seems like an overreaction to me) and asks Clara to do it for him even though there’s no reason why he can’t just do it himself. It must be out of spite. That’s the only reason I can think of. Oh, but Moffat still wants us to think that Danny and Clara are the perfect couple as opposed to a highly dysfunctional and toxic pairing that would seem more at home on The Jeremy Kyle Show than Doctor Who. 

Also, even in Cyber form, Danny can’t resist chastising the Doctor even though he’s actually trying to help the ungrateful bastard. In fact there’s a lot of Doctor-blaming going on in this episode and I really don’t get why because, as far as I can see, he hasn’t actually done anything wrong. At this stage I wanted nothing more than for Danny to fuck off and die, and I thankfully got my wish, except it had to take the form of a stupid, heroic self sacrifice. This isn’t the first time the Cybermen have been defeated by the power of love, and it’s always been really stupid every time, but this has got to be the most nonsensical. Danny’s love for Clara reverses the Cyber conditioning? Are you seriously telling me that Danny is the only person in the entire world who has loved someone enough to want to save the world? And if that’s not bad enough, Danny gets not one, but TWO stupid self sacrifices when it’s revealed the Master’s teleport randomly only has enough power for one trip (bit fucking convenient) and so he chooses to save that kid that died in that war zone. A series worth of buildup for this cliched pile of shit? Cheers Moffat!

Since I’ve mentioned the Master (I categorically refuse to call her Missy), let’s talk about her. I didn’t think it was possible to be more annoying than John Simm, but Michelle Gomez somehow managed to pull it off. I utterly detested her in this. I’ve never really liked the Master anyway, but I swear the character never used to be this fucking childish. She’s weird, obnoxious and goofy for no other reason other than she’s ker-RAYzay. (seriously, is that the only way Moffat knows how to write villains? She’s basically Andrew Scott’s shitty version of Moriaty in a dress). What’s worse is that the only way to make her come across as even remotely threatening is by making the characters around her act like fucking morons. UNIT have met the Master before. They know how dangerous she is. Why do the soldiers guarding her not react when she very visibly activates her bracelet, breaks out of her restraints and puts on her lipstick? Why does Osgood, who has apparently read all the dossiers about the Master, get so close to her to listen to her whisper and not scarper when the Master threatens to kill her?

Also, what is the Master’s plan exactly? Why Cybermen? Considering these Cybermen have pretty much nothing in common with actual Cybermen, I can only assume they’re there for rubbish fanservice and that Moffat is too fucking lazy to come up with his own ideas.

Apparently the Master wants to give the Doctor his own army to prove the two aren’t so different. It appears Moffat is going for a Killing Joke vibe, but it doesn’t work because while Batman and the Joker are two sides of the same coin, the Doctor and the Master are so diametrically opposed that this whole plot point becomes fucking laughable. It has the same whiff of bullshit that Journey’s End had with Davros chastising the Doctor for ‘taking ordinary people and fashioning them into weapons.’ Like I said about that episode, there’s a world of difference between turning people into weapons and encouraging people to defend themselves. The Doctor is very much the latter, so spare me the ‘we’re not so different, you and I’ crap. Is the Doctor better than the Master? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY!

Yes, once again, it turns out this episode is all about the Doctor. That’s all this bastard series has been about. Characters talking relentlessly about whether the Doctor is a good man or not. It’s utterly tedious to sit through because we all already know the bloody answer. Hopefully the Doctor’s speech about how he’s just an idiot in a box with a screwdriver will finally put it to rest. Not that I’m praising the speech mind. Peter Capaldi does his best, but it’s badly written and stupidly over the top, plus it’s hard to really feel the emotional weight of this speech when all it does is state the fucking obvious. The Doctor isn’t a soldier or a hero. He’s just some guy. Yeah. We know. What, have you only just worked that out Moffat? Why are you boring us to death with shit everyone and their mums already fucking know? Can we move on?

If there’s one thing I hate more than Moffat trying to spin the bleeding obvious as surprising revelations, it’s the bullshit lies and fake outs. Why are the Doctor and Clara lying to each other at the end? What purpose does it serve? (Also trust Moffat for coming up with a pretentious bullshit reason why hugs are bad. It couldn’t possibly be as simple as this Doctor just doesn’t like hugs). What was the point of Clara pretending to be the Doctor to trick the Cybermen? That never goes anywhere. Oh no! Danny is going to be Cyberfied... oh wait. He’s okay. Oh no, Kate Stewart has fallen out of the aeroplane... oh wait, she’s fine. OMG, the Doctor is actually going to kill the Master... oh wait, that wasn’t an orange light. It was a blue light, which means she’s teleported, so she’s probably okay. Wow, the Doctor is finally going to find Gallifrey... oh wait. No. The Master was lying.

Like I said in my previous review, keep wrong-footing the audience and eventually we’ll get sick of the bullshit and stop trusting what we see. I mean look at Osgood’s death. That should have been shocking, but not only is she a one dimensional character that I don’t give even a sub-atomic particle of shit about and is clearly too stupid to live, the fact is none of Moffat’s characters ever actually stay dead, do they? Rory. River Song. Strax. Jenny. Clara. Nobody really dies in the Moffat era, so why bother getting upset about Osgood? She’s probably going to come back in the next series.

But the thing that angered me the most about Death In Heaven is the utter contempt and disrespect Moffat shows to classic series fans. And don’t pretend you don’t know what scene I’m referring to.

Cybermen are converting the dead. The Brigadier is dead. Moffat is an insecure, egocentric hack who desperately wants to stand out from the Who rabble. Take a random guess what happens.

I’ve seen bad Doctor Who episodes before. I’ve been pissed off by Doctor Who before. But never before has an episode filled me with such utter rage. Not even Kill The Moon managed that, and you all know how much I despised that load of garbage. I didn’t take the idea of the Brigadier being a Cyberman particularly well, and I’m not exactly proud to say this, but my reaction was quite extreme. I basically had a full blown screaming fit. I was so angry and so upset by this. I couldn’t believe Moffat would do something so fucking crass and so fucking disrespectful. Yes it’s just a TV show, but the Brigadier was one of my favourite characters in Classic Who and indeed one of the most beloved characters in the entire show. And when a talentless, arrogant smartarse like Moffat comes along and tramples all over those happy, nostalgic memories, I think you have every right to take it personally. This has got to be the most insulting thing Moffat has ever done, and if I wasn’t committed to reviewing the rest of these episodes, I think I can safely say I wouldn’t be watching this show anymore after that.

Death In Heaven is a fucking terrible finale to what has been a fucking terrible series. Yes some episodes had decent elements in them, but it’s largely been awful. Series 8′s only saving grace has been Peter Capaldi, who has done an amazing job in the role despite the material he’s had to work with.

Moffat, go flush your head down the fucking toilet.

[hillbillyhippiemusicreview]

POST #11 - Festival of the Red 2019

Y’all, in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains, about 50 miles east of the Horse Capital of the Word, is what I often refer to as “my favorite place on earth.” The Red River Gorge National Geological Area. The Red River Gorge is known for many things worldwide. Native American Artifacts, Petroglyphs, and Moonshiners made this place a hotbed among researches in years passed. The Red, as it is referred to by many who call it home or frequent the area, is also a Mecca for outdoor activities. Activities such as Rock Climbing, Hiking, Backpacking, Camping, Kayaking and now Music Festivals make the Red an outdoorsman’s (and outdoorswoman’s) destination.

Yeah, y’all heard me. Soon enough the Red will be known for what I believe is one of the best music festivals in Kentucky. And y’all, with the musical talent in Kentucky, that’s saying something. This year Chase and Miranda Fallen put on the 2nd Annual Festival of the Red! The festival was a stacked 3 day event with good country music and some rock that snuck their way to be headliners. And before I catch any grief, if y’all don’t think Justin Wells and the band are a rock band, just ask him.

While Festival of the Red was primarily Kentucky artists (and rightfully so, I mean Kentucky is known for horses, bourbon, basketball and music, if you disagree you’re wrong), the Fallen’s were able to sneak some talent in from all over the country. Our good friends from the Midwest, Chris Stewart and Chad Vaughn were there, along with a our favorite Alabama boy Ritch Henderson. It’s always good to see these fellas along with General Jim and his better half Victoria from The Honky-Tonk Hotel. If y’all aren’t familiar with them, check em out and give em a follow. They do some amazing things to help the small time artists that are trying to make it in this crazy business.

The lineup in no particular order was as follows: Ed Hughes, Spooky Fox, The Handshake Deals, Waylon Nelson, Jinx Machine, Aaron Boyd, Jeremey Short, TA Clay and the Soulminers, Donovan Howard, Ritch Henderson (with special guest MarDe Brooks), Jen Richardson, Luna & The Mountain Jets, Chris & Jen Shouse, Chad Vaughn, Chris Stewart (aka King of Algeria), Charles Wesley Godwin, Eric Bolander & These Assholes, Laid Back Country Picker, Josh Nolan, Sean Whiting and the Handsome Bastards, Chelsea Nolan, Justin Wells, Don Rogers, The Local Honeys, Ethan Wayne, Tyler Smith, Seth Ferguson, and finally John Clay. Y’all, if you don’t think that is an absolutely incredible lineup then your moonshine is gonna make you go blind, your beer is hot, and your bourbon ain’t from Kentucky.

While we got there to setup camp on Thursday (in what felt like the Sahara), the music didn’t start until Friday. At 2pm on Friday Mr. Ed Hughes broke the stage in and kicked things off. This was a simple set with Ed playing and singing while sitting on a stool. Honestly, because it was the first set on a Friday, the crowd was a little scarce , but it was pretty cool just to see him give it his all anyways. Y’all, Ed is one hell of a guitar picker and is pure country when he sings.

After Ed, a new act that I hadn’t seen before graced the tie dye stage with his presence. Spooky Fox came out and just filled the holler with energy. He had one of the best stage presence acts I have ever seen. Jumpin up and down, head bangin, jumpin off the the stage and shreddin guitar. He was one of my wife’s favorite acts of the night. Not to mention he is a great and personable guy. Y’all check out ol Spooky Fox on which ever fancy device you listen to your music these days. He is an electrifying entertainer and will not disappoint in a live performance!

After Spooky Fox, The Handshake Deals took the stage. Y’all, honestly I’m not sure there is an instrument that these fellas (and lady) can’t play. Acoustic and electric guitar, drums, stand up bass, mandolin, accordion, vocals. Y’all they switched every song and absolutely killed it. If you have a stand up bass and play real countryish music I’m an instant fan. I think they have an album coming out soon and I can’t wait to review it!

When The Handshake Deals finished their set, another Eastern Kentuckian Waylon Nelson took the stage. First off, I only got to talk to ol Waylon for a few minutes, but I’m pretty sure that is his real name. Waylon Nelson. Hot damn, it just sounds cool. I mean Willie, Waylon and Jesse Colter were all pretty tight together, so having your name as Waylon Nelson, you were born to play country music. So Waylon, if you are out there, start marketing yourself more, work at it a little more and play some country music. I’m pretty sure that’s what you were born to do. But, back to the review...Waylon’s type of music is really chill. As soon as he started singing, I looked over at my wife and said “now this is some whisky drinkin music.” It’s tranquil and relaxing with great lyrics. When y’all get a chance, check out his music page and give “Colorado High” a listen! I also wouldn’t do this bit justice if i didn’t mention who he had on stage with him. The lovely Kris Preston played with Waylon and y’all she is talented. She can sing and play multiple instruments, including the mandolin and the banjo. Yes, the freaking banjo. If you can do that on stage, you are talented and can put on a good show. I always say that you never see super young people play the banjo, because it takes a lifetime to master. Kris however, is young and killed it. She’s definitely a great musician!

After Waylon, a lineup change gave the Alabama boy Ritch Henderson a chance to play 2 sets. Y’all, I saw Ritch at Tumbleweed, I’ve got his EP and I’ve gotten to know the guy well. He served our country in the Marines and he is a heck of a guy. When it comes to his singing and songwriting, he is next to none. If y’all dig a down home fella that has a passion for music and is giving it literally everything he has, then listen to Ritch Henderson. “The Story So Far,” “We All Fall Sometimes,” and “Lonesome, All I’ll Ever Be” are masterpieces that can stand up to the likes of Jason Isbell, Arlo McKinley and so on.

Unfortunately, due to some unforeseen circumstances, my night ended there. I’m disappointed that I didn’t get to see the other sets, especially Aaron Boyd and Jeremy Short, but hey in the words of the late great John R. Cash, “I guess things just happen that way.”

Saturday came early with a 9am set from Livingston Kentucky’s Donovan Howard. Y’all, as unfortunate as it is, someone has to start the day off and Donovan pulled that straw. There were “maybe” 20 people out there watching, which is a shame, because Donovan is stone cold country. The guy was reppin’ a “Death Before Pop Country” shirt and playing a vintage guitar. It was acoustic set with just him singing and it was a great way to start the morning. The fella has a traditional sound and will throw a little new age flare in there every once in awhile. Donovan writes about things he knows and he does it well.

When the big hand struck 10am, Ritch Henderson got another chance to grace us with his presence. Unfortunately Ritch’s voice wasn’t allowing him to sing a lot. I blamed it on the eastern Kentucky allergies. Ritch however, told us that the real reason is because he played back to back shows and sang for an ungodly amount of time in 3 different venues over just a few days. So, Ritch sang one song before giving the Stage to MarDe Brooks. MarDe is another Bama boy who I had recently met and y’all he’s talented. MarDe is one of those fellas that helps to “make country music sad again” and he likes to write songs about whisky. Sad country music and whisky, the fella has my vote. MarDe Brooks 2020. Y’all, MarDe also covered “Hurricane” (no not the Luke Combs one...) and freaking knocked it over the hills. I’ve been debating recently if I liked The Band of Heathens’ version or Shane Smith and the Saints’ version better. I was having trouble deciding and then this guy threw his hat into the ring and I’m at a stalemate. MarDe, if you are reading this, RECORD HURRICANE AND RELEASE IT!

When Ritch and MarDe finished up their set, Ed Hughes took the stage again, but this time he was accompanied by Jen Richardson. I’ve already talked to y’all about Ed, but y’all Jen can sing! She’s extremely talented and her voice is like that of yesteryear women singers. She can stand with Trisha and the best of em! A cool little moment was when Jen and Ed had some “special guests” on the stage to sing Ed’s son’s favorite tune. Y’all can catch a glimpse of that below:

After Ed and Jen were finished filling the holler with good country music, another great Kentucky band took the stage. Luna & the Mountain Jets laid out a great set full of mountain music. I tell y’all, Dave and Teresa Prince put together one heck of a band and can jam out like no other. Y’all just ask ol Timmy Tyler Childers and Kid Rock if you don’t believe me. And if y’all don’t know what I’m talking about somewhere on the internet is a video of Tyler, Teresa, Dave and some other great musicians singing with a smiling Kid Rock runnin around filming it. Without me getting too long winded, I’ll just tell y’all to check them out when you get the chance, you can thank me later!

After Luna & The Mountain Jets, the heat got to me and I had to take a little break in the AC. So, I’ll talk about the sets I caught and then I’ve got a special surprise for y’all. With that being said, the next 2 sets I did see were Chad Vaughn and Chris Stewart. For those of y’all that aren’t familiar with these two, they are from the Midwest. If I remember correctly, both from KC, just from different states...Yeah KC works that way. It’s weird. Actually I think there are 2 Kansas City’s, but whatever, we are hear to talk about music, not geography. Anyways, despite attending 2 years of Tumbleweed right in their backyard, this was the first time I was able to catch a live set of either. Chad went on first and y’all I was impressed. Chad isn’t a hard core honky-tonk type musician. In the words of the lady standing by me, Chad is a technical singer. He hits all of those notes perfectly and knocks it out of the park every time. He is also a great song writer! You combine a mellow and technical voice with a great song writing ability and you’ve got one heck of an artist right there. But y’all Chad doesn’t stop there. He is also one heck of a picker. I’ve only been playing guitar for a few months and I’ve been bad at practicing. But seeing Chad Vaughn, Ed Hughes, Josh Nolan, Dave Prince, Donovan Howard and Jermey Short out there, y’all i was inspired again! Y’all look this fella up on the YouTube and follow his music page.

Chris took the stage right after Chad and y’all, Chris is another fella making country music sad again. Now, I know I say that a lot, but its true. I’d be willin to bet that this guy can play more sad songs than David Allan Coe. While Chris doesn’t move around and put on a show, he doesn’t need to. His voice and song writing fills the presence of the stage. He draws you in to listen to his songs and to feel the emotion! It’s also worth mentioning that he has what may be the best beard in the business. And apparently there are rumors of him becoming a leader in Algeria or something? Y’all check him out before he head overseas, or wherever the heck Algeria is!

The next set that I caught was Laid Back Country Picker. If y’all ain’t sure who ol Laid Back is, then crawl out from under your rock and give him a google. Laid Back is actually Dave Prince as the frontman, with Teresa Prince, as Honey. Y’all this set was awesome! Laid Back just about couldn’t keep Honey contained as she was so excited to perform at Festival of the Red. Laid Back may also be one of the best guitar players I have ever seen and can put on quite the show. His crowd engagement, stage presence, antics, song writing and vocals are Kentucky gold. If you’re from Eastern Kentucky like myself, Magoffin County Cadillac is sure to make you chuckle and remind you of times when you would drop from 70 to 55 in about 0.3 seconds. Y’all just do me a favor and check our ol Laid Back Country Picker. You might even be able to catch him on the party line now and then.

After Laid Back, the next set that I watched was Josh Nolan. But, as I hinted at previously, I’ve got a surprise for ya on this one. I collaborated with a “contributing writer”, yeah that sounds fancy. Anyways, her coverage of Josh was top notch, so I’ll just post her notes on him in just a minute.

I capped my “official” night off with Chelsea Nolan followed by Justin Wells. Chelsea took the stage about dark and led us down a rockin’ path to end the night. Chelsea played some off of her album and some new ones. With live versions of “Rock Bottom,” “Bootlegger,” and “Yard Sale Yolanda,” Chelsea kept us entertained! When she writes songs, she tells stories from experiences. Just like any great song writer, especially from Kentucky, that is what makes her special. When you have Chelsea’s powerful and energetic voice on stage with Josh Nolan, John Clay, AND Jeremey Short, you know you’re in for a treat. Her set was nothing short of flawless. From her down home humble attitude, her story telling, vocals, instruments, y’all it was a good time. If I had to guess, it was also special for Chelsea to play in front of a hometown crowd and get a response like that. Her and the band gave it their all, and you could tell!

My “official” night ended with the headliner; another Kentucky product in Justin Wells. While up until now, Festival of the Red was stone cold country, somehow when Justin and the fellas took the stage, a rock band was suddenly headlining a country music festival in the middle of the Eastern Kentucky Mountains! After coming off of a hiatus to rest up his vocal chords from a scary situation, Justin ended the night with a bang! Along with some hits off of his previous album, Justin played a couple of new ones in “Ruby” and “Temporary Blues” This fella is another song writer that writes about experiences and what he knows. Justin’s lyrics tell a story and put you in the right in the middle of a scene. Justin’s passion shows through in his lyrics and in his performance. If y’all don’t believe me, just take a look at thie picture below. If that ain’t a passionate performance then I don’t know what is. Especially for a guy that recently had his vocal chords on the verge of hemorrhaging! I can’t stress enough how much y’all need to catch Justin. I mean heck, I’ve seen him 3 times this year. I also cannot wait for his new record “The United State” to come out. All I know is what Justin told the crowd. It will come out when it comes out.

Y’all unfortunately I had “responsibilities” back in the city and didn’t catch any other sets. It was nothing against any artist, because everyone there was extremely talented! However, I do have a write up from our new contributing writer, Amy Fletcher! Amy knows her way around the music scene and I am honored to have her write with me. And, shameless plug, her daughter Hannah Fletcher is also an artist so y’all be sure to look her up! Anyways, I’ll quit ramblin’ and let y’all hear what Amy had to say about a few of the sets that I didn’t catch:

Charles Wesley Godwin. This guy put on an amazing set. His music is a wonderful representation of Appalachia. His voice resonates a beautiful vibrato with lyrics so simple and well put together. His song "Coal Country" strikes a sympathetic nerve with his description of the struggle of the fading world of the coal miner.

There aren't enough adjectives to describe Josh Nolan. His newly released Album, "Kind Heart To Follow" is one that cannot be missed. Not only is Josh a lyrical genius, he is an arrangement genius. He was joined onstage by a band who worked together like a well-oiled machine. His song, "East Kentucky Skyline" allows an opportunity for listeners to put themselves in a relatable situation of the colors peeking over the trees during the sunset. One can tell that Josh disappears in his mind during his performance, giving so much emotion it's as if one can reach out and feel it. This album is a must on the playlist.

Sean Whiting.....there are no words. Joined on stage by Laid Back Country Picker, Sean put on a performance that cannot he forgotten. His talent of raw southern rock-and-roll put him in a special class. His lead guitarist (I can't remember his name) made his guitar speak. For 20 years old that person was something special. Sean celebrated his birthday Saturday but the audience were the ones who walked away with the prize. His performance was one to stick with you.

The only show I caught Sunday was John Clay. John and his guitar is all that was needed. His audience consisted of about 6 people as his set was the last of the day. The rain had set in and drove many home earlier in the day. John has an uncanny ability to tell a story through his music and put the audience in the specific location. He finished out Festival of the Red and those who rode out the weather were given the treat of witnessing his performance.

Earlier, I kept saying my “official set” and other mysterious things. That was because I stuck around until a little after 2am on Saturday Night/Sunday Morning for a Song Swap around the campfire. Ritch Henderson, Chad Vaughn, Chris Stewart, Jermey Short, Sean Whiting, Josh Nolan, MarDe Brooks, and Hannah Fletcher stood around a campfire with 25 or so people and just played guitar, sang and just had a good ol time. There were a ton of originals mixed in along with Outfit, Can’t Ya See, In Color, Mama Tried, Queen of My Double Wide Trailer, Seven Spanish Angels, Ring of Fire, and a slew of other great tunes. Ya’ll it was a crazy surreal time as it was my first campfire song swap surrounded by that kind of talent. There was even a freaking tetradactyl screeching occasionally! Yeah, you read that right. Weird things happen in the mountains at night. If you don’t believe me ask Amy and Hannah. They will back me up on that!

Alright y’all, that’s my write up on Festival of the Red. Make sure to check out the photo album on the facebook page! Share and give us a like so others can discover the greatness that is Festival of the Red and these artists that deserve WAY more recognition than they get!

A special thanks to Chase and Miranda Fallen for putting on a great festival and letting me cover it. To Amy for teaming up with me and writing part of this! And to my wife, Lauren, for taking notes, editing this post, and enduring the heat with me! Until next time...

-Cheers, N.

*This is an independent review. The Hillbilly Hippie Music Review was not compensated for this review.

*The opinions expressed are solely that of the author(s).

*The artwork shown is not ours, nor do we claim it in any way. Rights belong to Festival of te Red.

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 55 - WPG - Support

This Buffalo hockey club did something rare for the last couple months yesterday simply taking care of business against a lesser club; they even scored a couple powerplay goals. Today was to be different. Not only is Winnipeg not a lesser team: they’re better and hungry for a win of their own after a couple of bad results as of late. In spite of that those recent results Winnipeg sits a comfortable handful of points ahead of Nashville and then a larger margin between any club that might knock them into the third spot. In other words: Jets fans just aren’t dealing with the same February that we are. After posting the blog for the Carolina game having confessed part of that game made me cry I realized this stretch of the season will be a little different. This is a fan reaction blog and nothing… or nothing us Sabres fans have experienced in a few years… is quite like the emotional highs and lows of a playoff push. Every single game, for me at least, is followed by a check of the standings and the out-of-town scoreboard. I feel like I was a Carolina win against New Jersey away from getting all pissy about this loss. No, sometimes the cutting edge of fan blogging is simply support. Today was one of those days: just desperate for some points in the standings and two wins in a row for once in a great while. We got neither and postgame sound from the players certainly sympathized. Jack Eichel said there are no more moral victories at this point in the season. He said it’s frustrating. For Jack this is his job. We get to go to work or school during the day and live our real ass lives. This is Jack’s real ass life. He and the other guys on this team are living this every hour. Jack Eichel, like the Captain he is, offered the most supportive words he could to his teammates, the media and us while also sounding responsible. All of this is to say that we Sabres fans shouldn’t savage each other in these intense times and let’s support this team even when the losses sting. Today’s loss stung.

Well I wouldn’t describe it as frustrating at the time; the first period was dominated by the Sabres without making a dent on the scoreboard. The first period ended in donuts up there but Buffalo ran the show and they never do that early in games. Everyone was pounding at Connor Hellebuyck’s door: Sam Reinhart flew in and almost gave Vladimir Sabotka a sweet feed, Jeff Skinner shot a puck off the post that almost went in, Larsson continued looking like a new man, everything from passes to zone entries just looked so much more crisp. Even Carter Hutton who I’ve been raging on came up with his tough saves. There was one of those beautiful net-crashing chances at the end of the first frame that very nearly got the Sabres in front. Old pal Tyler Myers had to get behind his goaltender to help block that chance! Older pal Jason Pominville kind of let one breakaway happen but altogether there really isn’t anyone you’re poo poo-ing after that first period. The Sabres were on a powerplay early in the second period that wasn’t going poorly to be very frank. Then the puck came out along the wall to Rasmus Dahlin who dropped to his knee to try and keep it in at the blue line. This play was a slow motion disaster from the moment the puck bounced past Dahlin to the moment Andrew Copp got the short-handed goal. That was the first, smaller sting of the night having seen how good the home team was to this point. Lawrence Pilut seemed to want to make it better mocking a painful goal against from a couple games prior almost completing a wrap-around but his attempt would not go. Later in the period Jack Eichel finally applied some ointment to the sting shortly after the conclusion of a powerplay when he dribbles the puck like an NBA player before passing it to Dahlin who got right back to him before he shot home a cheeky puck far side on Hellebuyck. The game was 1-1 and would stand that way for what felt like an eternity.

Let’s be clear here: the end result of this game is not because of any lack of chances. Jason Pominville and Kyle Okposo got shots off that were very nearly goals. The chances were coming but the goals simply were not. On one hand that’s encouraging considering the opponent but someone has to win in the NHL nowadays and if the Sabres are going to play this good you really hope it’s them. We now get under four minutes left in regulation and I’m beginning to think about getting that Overtime point. Then the second, bigger sting of this game unfolded. Josh Morrissey takes a shot on net from the wall and Captain Blake Wheeler was camped out in front of Hutton to redirect it in past Hutton: 2-1 Jets. The blame game gets really dicey with quick redirect plays like that so I’m not going to play that game. I think our boys in blue and gold saw the clock at this point too and kicked it up a notch. They couldn’t pull it even and Mark Scheifele got the empty netter to finish this game 3-1 Jets. There are no moral victories anymore but there are half victories. Hold off the Jets four minutes longer and you get the OT point. No luck on that front and that’s the real sting of this game. Carolina losing to New Jersey gave you an opportunity to go even with the second wildcard and look that much more like a playoff team. No luck and that sting was felt looking down the schedule afterwards: up next are the Islanders on Tuesday night in a game I’m going to with trepidation in my step. If it stings to lose this way a loss against Robin Lehner live and in person is only going to sting that much more. Support your fellow Sabres fan because there are no more moral victories. We’re in a race now and we’re certainly not smiling at losses looking at the draft rankings anymore.

That Carolina loss really is the only thing making this loss sting a little less. I am so dead set against the Canes at this point that when my brother-in-law made a cutesy little song about my cat names Florence (named after the Hurricane) I had to consciously set aside my hatred for that team. This is why we need to support each other in these tough times, Sabres fans! It’s a roller coaster ride when your team is in the thick of it and if you hop off now you’re going to really feel like a donkey’s ass if they do make it. Read this blog and you’ll never demand off the coaster. I am your harness into this crazy train and if I fail to hold you on then you know we’re in trouble. Like it, share it around and leave a comment of support for your fellow Sabres fans. This is tough on all of us. The key is to not give up Sabres Nation! This is a fact of life for clubs that enjoy playoff contention year in and year out. Keep your head up and soldier on! Let’s Go Sabres!

Thanks for reading.

P.S. I didn’t have the heart to talk about Zach Bogosian being injured. It’s too real and reminds me too much of all the years we haven’t been this close to the playoffs in February.

[marvelandponder]

The Messy Fun of B-Canon

Should I Read It? Short Answer: Yeah! Not the most involved story the comics have gone into, but for a single issue, it’s certainly a worthwhile little story, especially if you’re interested in Starswirl the Bearded and/or Luna and Celestia’s past.

Spoilers will be discussed from now on, so enjoy the comic on iTunes, in stores, from wherever you get your comics, or here in video form (uhhh, what? Who said that? Reading comics for free—pffft, I never do that…).

Starswirl the Bearded is a mysterious figure in MLP lore. One who’s actually already had several different depictions outside of the show, and yet still remains so because at this point it’s become up to preference which you consider canon.

The most notable are the stories where we get to spend time with him, as mentions like the Rainbow Rocks backstory and brief appearances like the Sirens’ Fiendship is Magic are certainly neat, but don’t offer too much in the way of real character aside from what you may read into yourself.

The Journal of the Two Sisters gives us a look at him through the eyes of a very young Luna and Celestia, who at the time are just becoming princesses because he (and the ponies from A Hearth’s Warming Eve) approached them. He apparently even coronated them himself, so it’s no wonder why they looked up to him right from the start (if, found him a bit “unusual”).

Here, it’s his strangeness that lead him to creating so many spells, according to Celestia, as he thought of things no one else would. 

This seems to fall in line with the old kooky Pinkie parallel depicted in the Reflections arc. Luna makes that comparison herself at one point, and it’s quite apt. He’s rather silly and eccentric, explaining his fascination with a big old hat with bells on it in a funny way without taking away too much dignity from the figure.

After all, we know Pinkie. The more Starswirl is likened to her, to more we know his silliness will never go so far as to make him shallow or uncaring. He proves throughout his time in this arc, too, that he can be serious when necessary—even, perhaps, to his detriment. 

In Reflections, he has to tell Celestia to stop travelling to the alternate dimension where the good King Sombra lives. It’s for a good reason, there can be consequences to this dimension-hopping romance, but I have to wonder if this is why Celestia thinks Starswirl never understood friendship as well as Twilight did.

The guy’s certainly not heartless or cruel, and not much of a loner, really, so we’re left with choices like this to demonstrate why Celestia hold that view of him. She was pretty heart-broken over this, so it might just be her bias speaking. 

Or, perhaps this is symptomatic of Starswirl’s usual mindset: instead of doing what he could to help this blossoming relationship survive (finding a way around all the paradoxes since he’s, y’know, a magical genius), he forbade it for the greater good… which, I mean, only resulted in Celestia sneaking behind his back anyway, but whatever. He had a good reason, it just may have damaged their relationship in the long run, as Celestia later says things were never the same between them after he found out she disobeyed his orders.

On that bright note, now we come to the Legends of Magic depiction of Starswirl!

Here, he’s a fair bit younger and seems rather strict. He’s not afraid to give the girls some tough love to get a lesson to hit home.

If Legends and Reflections are still canon with each other (question mark), it paints a nice picture of him; an all around eccentric guy who was a strict mentor in the beginning, and perhaps grew sillier and with age, but was still able to lay down the law when needed.

For that matter, it’s interesting to me that the most prominent depictions of Starswirl always seem to have a balance between his silly side and his strict, non-nonsense mentoring side, because they both come with pros and cons.

His more out-there side, where he takes himself less seriously, seems to provide some of his most brilliant ideas and allows for him to have a sense of humour. It seems this is when he’s best able to connect with his students, too. Even if he is a bit of a goof.

You people wonder why I keep babbling about the parent-child parallels between the teachers and students in this dang franchise. It cute.

On the other hand, his worldly, serious side lets him take charge in dangerous situations and get through to his two students when they need it most. Although, it can come off as callousness and has hurt both Luna and Celestia, even if they needed the lesson.

Granted, having two opposing traits battling for dominance might be the result of the writers of these various materials not necessarily coordinating, but it can also be seen within each work, and I think it works really well. The worldly adventurer and the old eccentric are two well-worn tropes that could be used on their own when developing Starswirl’s character, but by combining these tropes into one character, you get a more interesting, 3-dimensional dynamic!

Although, these two sides to Starswirl aren’t the only thing that seems to contradict itself, and it’s here where this analysis/review has to talk about… *shudders* continuity errors.

Well, okay, I can mostly shrug off minor continuity errors here and there (mostly because even for the brief time I wrote for a fan show, I found it crazy how many little details I had to be reminded of by other writers in the chat; I have admiration for the poor bastards who do this for a living).

On the other hand, continuity errors so big that they bring other stories from b-canon into question are a different story. I still have sympathy for the writers, but that just makes my job as a (non)Professional Analytic Bullshitter much more… creative.

So, let’s try to explain (bullshit) some pretty big continuity errors, shall we?

Continuity Error? # 1: Starswirl’s Impeccable Sense of Timing (… get it? TIME)

Okay, so we know the order of these stories—Journal, Legends, Reflections—but that’s about where the logical flow stops.

During the beginning of Legends, Celestia tells Sunburst that Starswirl went missing before Luna became Nightmare Moon, but that directly contradicts the flashbacks laced throughout Reflections, which took place (for the most part) after Luna became Nightmare Moon.

There’s also the fact that Reflections keeps stubbornly referring to Starswirl as Celestia’s mentor, not Luna and Celestia’s—to the point that Luna at one point says she doesn’t remember much of him outside of his appearance.

2/3 say he mentored them both and that’s cuter in my book, so screw that. 

So, let’s just focus on the mysterious whereabouts of Starswirl the Bearded. That one sounds cooler, anyway.

Some fans have already speculated that Celestia might be lying to Sunburst about exactly when and how Starswirl disappeared, basically just to cover up the whole I-almost-destroyed-not-one-but-two-dimensions fiasco, which is an explanation that has merit. 

In Reflections, Celestia apparently kept this whole story a secret from even Luna up until she absolutely had to tell her. Mostly because of all the guilt and other messy feelings involved, but this was something she and Starswirl originally experimented on in secret.

If she didn’t tell her own sister for that long, I could see Celestia covering up the sad truth that she lost Starswirl both emotionally and physically sometime after she lost her sister. Especially if she still blames herself for at least one of those.

Continuity Error? #2: The Castle

There’s a bit of confusion now on when exactly Canterlot Castle was built, if the sisters appear to be living there as teenagers in this comic, but built The Castle of the Two Sisters in the Everfree forest shortly after their coronation as kids.

However, while I don’t know if this was intentional or not, I can find an explanation in the Journal. When Luna and Celestia were coronated, Princess Platinum, Chancellor Puddinghead, and Commander Hurricane didn’t just buzz off. In fact, at the time Luna and Celestia didn’t even have their cutie marks yet, so responsibilities like raising the sun and the moon were left to teams of ponies (one of which being Starswirl).

It would stand to reason to me that Canterlot Castle originally belonged to that lot of leaders, as a sort of middle-ground between their three castles since the country was united. 

This seems to be backed up by something Celestia writes:

“I had a great time meeting with Private Pansy, Clover the Clever, and Smart Cookie, the three representatives from the Pegasai, Unicorns, and Earth ponies who originally came up to Canterlot.” - page 57, The Journal of the Two Sisters

They may have ruled from there all together, or met there for meetings, or what have you, but that would make sense. Even if they wanted these young alicorns to represent all Equestria, they couldn’t exactly leave it to inexperienced children to do it quite yet.

Speaking of which…

Continuity Error? #3: Princess Personalities

It’s not just Starswirl who got a brand new bag for Legends of Magic #1! Teenage Celestia in particular shows off some real thoughtlessness and attitude, really rubbing it in that her younger sister can’t keep up with her.

Some have called this into question, as in the Journal of the Two Sisters, a young Celestia is quite the dork. Geeking out over libraries and scrolls, anxiously doubting the choice to make her a princess, etc. 

She’s certainly very thoughtful (even Twilight-esque) at a young age, so it might seem backwards for her to be even more immature as a teenager.

But, then again, we know the timeline here.

By the time Celestia’s a teenager, she’s been a princess for years. The Journal only covers the time just after her coronation (in addition to being her and her sister’s journal, with a obvious bias) and when she and Luna got their cutie marks.

There’s a time-gap in between that might seem a bit small in comparison to the hundreds of years she seemed to remain relatively unchanged. However, given how fame and power has been known for corrupting those who grow up surrounded by it, it’s not too far-fetched for me to think vast amounts of ponies worshiping her for doing something no one else has ever had the power to do on their own got to her.

Besides, that seemed to be in the narrative of the original lore. Celestia was praised, and because of it was relatively blind to her sister’s slow descent into jealousy and depression. 

Speaking of which, between Celestia’s unkind treatment and the Nightmare forces, I’ve seen it suggested that Luna seems to be more a victim of circumstance than a true villain in her own story. 

The delicious dramatic irony in this story only adds to that perception. A young Luna is the only one who can hear the dark whispers from the dimension she was dragged into, and it seems that whatever wanted her power seemed to think she’d already become Nightmare Moon (or, was trying to speed up the process). 

Plus, Starswirl keeps foreshadowing her descent in ways that might be too obvious for some, but just make me feel so sorry for them, that they think they’re out of the woods for good. I’m a sucker for the sap.

But as to whether Nightmare Moon was Luna’s fault, I still think it was Luna’s choices and jealousy that sealed her fate. Whether Nightmare Moon was a force entirely from Luna or not, she was willingly calling on it. At most, Luna seems a bit in awe of the forces transforming her, but it was absolutely her decision to listen to the dark whispers in the back of her mind.

So, in the end, that just makes Legends of Magic all the more endearing, with the power of hindsight. I can totally see how the continuity … mess would turn some readers off, and how some will find the foreshadowing/dramatic irony (more so the latter, since we as the audience will exclusively appreciate this with the knowledge of what’s to come already in mind) for Luna’s fall a bit heavy-handed, but dang, if the character dynamics in this trio worth the long wait for more of their adventures.

With any luck, that’s the part of this comic that ties into season 7. Here’s to hoping!

Year of the Pony

[godforsakenthing-blog]

@sofaradaysogood

The first time they meet is in El Paso.

Dean’s working a case by himself (and fuck, isn’t that a kick in the teeth. No Sammy in the next bed over, no Dad across the hall. It’s a bone deep loneliness, but it’s not like there’s anything that can be done about it.), a couple of bank robberies where no money was taken, just jewelry out of the safe deposit boxes.

No sign of anyone on the security cameras, no tripped motion sensors. It screams weird from the second he sees the third page snippet of an article about it in the paper.

The cops were probably going to blame the night manager. Who else would be able to get in and out undetected? But Dean’s not so sure.

He meets the chunky, dorky guy while he’s waiting in line to open up a safe deposit box. It’s an easy way to see the bank’s set up, to check their security and see if there’s anything paranormal that the cops missed.

“Did you hear about the robbery? Crazy, right? It must have taken one badass son of a bitch to get in here without getting busted.” Dean nods and ‘mmhmm’s at the right times, glancing up at the security cameras on the wall. Maybe they’d have some breaks in the footage, something to look at?

(He doesn’t have Sam or Dad to send back to play Fed. Dean kicks himself for running in half cocked.)

“Not even anything on the security cameras. No finger prints, no heat detection. Nothing. And the tapes don’t skip or loop or anything. They haven’t been tampered with.”

The teller at the desk is motioning Dean forward with a smile, but his feet dig into the carpet. The fingerprints, that was in the paper. But none of the news outlets said anything about heat detection, or whether or not the tapes had been tampered with.

He turns on his heel, grabbing the guy by the collar to drag him out of the bank, him protesting and flailing the whole way. Dean shoves him up against the bank’s brick wall, two fistfuls of his shirt almost lifting him off of the ground. “Why do you know that?”

“Hey! Hey! Will you quit?” The guy swats at Dean’s hands, sagging into them when they don’t give. “I’m a fan, okay? D.B. Cooper? Emmett Dalton? Jesse James? I like bank robberies, man. It’s a hobby. Can you let go now? You’re wrinkling my shirt.”

Dean releases his hold and steps back. The odds that this dude was robbing banks in his spare time was pretty ridiculous. He didn’t look like he could run a half mile without getting winded. “Fine. But you’re coming with me to answer some questions. I’m a federal agent, my badge is in the car.”

There’s about ten badges in the car, but that’s none of this guy’s business. Dean pushes him away from the wall, keeping him in front of him so he couldn’t bolt. The guy chatters the whole way across the bank’s parking lot about money laundering and armored truck theft, but the words die in his throat at the sight of the Impala. “Je-sus wept.”

And damned if there aren’t fingers running down his baby’s front panel, feather light and reverent. Dean’s gut can’t seem to decide if that’s offensive, or stupidly hot.

“Yeah, yeah. Get in the car.” The doors creak in welcome, and the leather is warm from the sun. Company notwithstanding, there’s nowhere else Dean would ever be. “What’s your name, anyway?” He can’t actually run a background check, but this guy didn’t know that.

“Faraday. Josh Faraday.” Faraday’s James Bond impression is crap, but he laughs at his own joke and settles back against the seat like he belongs there. Yeah, definitely annoying. (And maybe a little bit hot. Dean’s in a dry patch, he’s allowed to perv internally.)

The drive to his hotel is full of all kinds of useless information, and halfway there Faraday pulls a pack of cards out of his pocket and starts shuffling them idly while he talks, doing things with his hands that would make a street magician weep with envy.

Dean’s hotel room looks like a hurricane hit it. He’s got newspaper clippings and print outs taped to the wall, and thankfully most of it isn’t incriminating. (All his information about treasure goblins and gremlins and greedy ghosts are stuck in his old man’s journal, under the mattress.)

“Wow.” Faraday whistles low, leaning up onto his toes to look at the bank blueprint taped to the wall behind the bed. “I thought this was just a hook up. You really are trying to find the guy who did this.”

“Excuse me?” Dean hopes every drop of derision makes it into that sentence, because what the hell?

“Come on, man. You felt me up at the bank-” He doesn’t stop talking even as Dean shouts I was apprehending you! “-and you eyeballed me when I touched your car. Then you bring me back to your hotel room? That reeks of a hook up, pal.”

One look at Dean’s flabbergasted face sends Faraday into a fit of laughter.

“I mean...I’m not opposed.” There’s something, some shift that Dean didn’t see coming, because now Faraday is stalking towards him, eyes greener than any Dean has ever seen, and his voice is lilting, settling low against the base of his spine. “You’re a handsome guy. I bet this isn’t your first rodeo.”

Distantly, Dean hears warning bells in the back of his head. This is beyond a Bad Idea. But the room is sultry warm and there’s fingers skating over the backs of his knuckles, leaving a trail of electricity in their wake.

When Faraday leans in to kiss him, the world is taffy pull soft and sweet around him.

The next few hours are a gauzy, pleasant blur of heat and skin, and a voice whispering words he’s never heard before in his ear. When Dean wakes, it’s to an empty hotel room, all of the paperwork on the walls stripped away.

Along with his watch, his pearl handled pistol that he won in a poker game, and his silver knife.

“...god damn it.”

[totesmccoats]

Dark Nights: Metal #1

This is how you start an event series. Specifically, giving the Justice League a Megazord they use to defeat Mongul is how you start an event series (even though, technically, it started with The Forge).

The League returns from the new Warmoon to find a mountain has sprung up in the middle of Gotham city, a hollow mountain filled with advanced technology emitting a powerful and unknown energy. Also investigating the mountain are the Blackhawks, in this iteration led by Kendra Saunders to recover Carter Hall’s research with his Challengers of the Unknown.

Bringing them to Blackhawk island, Kendra explains to the League about Nth metal, the multiverse (borrowed from Morrison’s Multiversity interpretation), and Batman’s prophesized role in the end of everything.

And that really is just the beginning. Go into this issue as fresh as you can and let it wow you with its references, deep cuts, and surprise character inclusions.

  Batman #29

Bruce Wayne invites the Joker and the Riddler to his home to try and make peace over a traditional French nine-course meal. It goes surprisingly well, especially after Bruce offers a billion dollars to whichever side can convince him that they should be the ones to kill Batman.

I’m feeling like this issue is a bit of an intermission in the arc, the eye of the hurricane, a brief peace before the war rages on. It’s nice from a pacing standpoint, while also giving King a great opportunity to just have Joker and Riddler talk almost directly to the reader in explaining their motivations and modus operandi. Riddler is arrogant and verbose, while Joker predictably doesn’t take any of it seriously.

Janin’s layouts in this issue are amazing, symmetrically dividing certain pages, spreads, and the book in total intro equally weighted Joker and Riddler moments, with Bruce doing his best to literally come between them and mediate. He’s also stacking the panels on top of the background plane, which gives the effect of the dinner being a polite formality for what each guest is really thinking – what they’re really hoping to accomplish.

  Superman #29

Following a spate of missing kids puts Superman on Parallax’s – the universal embodiment of fear and the power-source of the yellow lanterns – trail, but even if Superman can conquer his own fear, it may not be enough to stop fear itself.

Honestly, my favorite part of this issue may be how the Zoo Crew is a fictional property in the DCU, and how it had its own Zoo 52 reboot, and a Pokemon Go! Inspired app. The rest of the issue feels very on the nose, with Superman’s inner monologue going a little overboard on telling us how afraid he is for other people while “fear” is spelled out in various backgrounds. Also, considering the way that Parallax tries to enter Superman, I have a feeling that someone on this book may have a vore fetish going on.

Regardless, I generally do like Sinestro whenever he shows up in stories, which is weird as I’m generally not a fan of Green Lantern, and I’m hoping having Sinestro and Superman together leads this book into some fun places.

  Green Arrow #29

Holy hell; I did not know how much I needed Ferreyra drawing Batman in my life until this issue but I need more of Ferreyra drawing Batman. The opening pages where we slowly zoom into a puddle of blood only to see Batman perched on a building, reflected in red is the coolest goddam thing in comics this week.

Green Arrow follows Luthor’s advice to Gotham, where, as Oliver Queen, he pals around with the blue bloods long enough for them to lead him to the Ninth Circle partners in the city – the Court of Owls, who have begun using their Talons to hunt the poor for sport. And, of course, no trip to Gotham is complete without a visit from the Batman.

This isn’t as strong an issue as the last one, with Superman; but being in Gotham and around other rich people does give Green Arrow plenty of opportunities to just go off on how terrible rich people are, which I do always enjoy. Angry socialist Arrow is best Arrow.

  Wonder Woman #28

My favorite of Fontana’s issues of Wonder Woman so far, probably because it’s the simplest, plot wise.

Diana takes Etta home from the hospital to give her some in home care, but before she can even finish the dishes, they’re attacked by a sniper hunting a bounty on Wonder Woman’s head.

That’s it. A little bonding over hamburgers, then a fight scene, some background on the fight scene, and we end with promise of more fights. I still don’t like Fontana’s inner dialogue for Diana; the idea that there’s a peace in the bonds you make while at war is heavy on the bullshit; but Shea can script a good action heavy issue.

  Spider-Men II #2

The Spider-Men fight Taskmaster, who can more than handle both of them, making a clean escape while knocking Peter and Miles around for good measure. And, overhearing Taskmaster use his name in conversation, Miles finally begins to wonder who his 616 doppelganger might be – and what they have to do with Taskmaster.

In-universe, Spider-Man’s banter is supposed to be insufferable; not just to villains either, even other heroes think he talks too much. With Peter and Miles giving this a stereo effect, the insufferableness may even get to the reader. Even if you like the banter, which I do, it really is the rapidity and volume of it that gets to you. This thread is beginning to feel like a criticism of Bendis’ writing which, I guess goes to show why he’s kind of perfect for this book. Peter and Miles are two guys who, in-or-out of costume, are never off; always able to find something in the last thing someone else said to riff on. A scene with just Miles talking to his crush, Barbara, is much more charming, with Miles on the other side of the quips, but able to finally speak up enough to ask her out to the movies.

  Black Panther and The Crew #5

In ’69 (nice), Ezra begins to lose control of the Crew when they discover they can use their powers for personal gain. In the present, Manifold defends his block of Harlem from the Americops when they try to arrest a couple of kids out past cerfew.

There’s no arguing against the fact that Marvel’s mutants have always been analogues for minority peoples, but this may be the first issue I’ve seen to directly relate the treatment of mutants in the Marvel universe with the treatment of black people in the Marvel universe. Manifold narrates the issue, explaining why he’s decided to move to Harlem, and it’s because he realizes that people are afraid of black people in the same way they’re afraid of mutants in the Marvel universe. He finds kinship not through his powers, but through his skin color, and when he’s lost one family, is able to find another to protect and who will have his back.

Manifold expresses that Harlem chose him, and we get the feeling in this issue that it really did. Harlem didn’t have the same protections from violence under the law that other neighborhoods in the city did, so they elected vigilantes like Manifold, Luke Cage, Misty Knight, etc to be their protectors.

  Bitch Planet: Triple Feature #3

Another strong group of anthologies to the Bitch Planet spin-off series. Those People follows a soldier on his first mission out to arrest a group of terrorists that his CO’s make out to be demons, but – as we find out, aren’t nearly has harmful has he will be to them. Big Game is slightly similar in structure and tone, with a first time ranger out with his mentor on their first hunt of a “man-eater,” whom also, doesn’t live up to explanations. Love, Honor & Obey rounds things off with a noir inspired scene of a detective investigating a manslaughter case where a woman is blamed for the heart attack of a man having sex with her. All strong stories, all equally terrifying by how close they are to the lived reality of women and minority peoples. It does kind of weaken the second story to come right after such a similar one, but both have different enough endings, and work well enough on their own. Can’t really blame the writers for how the issue was structured, and I really don’t want to blame anyone working on this series because they’re all doing such great work with it otherwise.

Comic Reviews for 8/16/17 Dark Nights: Metal #1 This is how you start an event series. Specifically, giving the Justice League a Megazord they use to defeat Mongul is how you start an event series (even though, technically, it started with The Forge).

[totesmccoats]

Dark Nights: Metal #1

This is how you start an event series. Specifically, giving the Justice League a Megazord they use to defeat Mongul is how you start an event series (even though, technically, it started with The Forge).

The League returns from the new Warmoon to find a mountain has sprung up in the middle of Gotham city, a hollow mountain filled with advanced technology emitting a powerful and unknown energy. Also investigating the mountain are the Blackhawks, in this iteration led by Kendra Saunders to recover Carter Hall’s research with his Challengers of the Unknown.

Bringing them to Blackhawk island, Kendra explains to the League about Nth metal, the multiverse (borrowed from Morrison’s Multiversity interpretation), and Batman’s prophesized role in the end of everything.

And that really is just the beginning. Go into this issue as fresh as you can and let it wow you with its references, deep cuts, and surprise character inclusions.

  Batman #29

Bruce Wayne invites the Joker and the Riddler to his home to try and make peace over a traditional French nine-course meal. It goes surprisingly well, especially after Bruce offers a billion dollars to whichever side can convince him that they should be the ones to kill Batman.

I’m feeling like this issue is a bit of an intermission in the arc, the eye of the hurricane, a brief peace before the war rages on. It’s nice from a pacing standpoint, while also giving King a great opportunity to just have Joker and Riddler talk almost directly to the reader in explaining their motivations and modus operandi. Riddler is arrogant and verbose, while Joker predictably doesn’t take any of it seriously.

Janin’s layouts in this issue are amazing, symmetrically dividing certain pages, spreads, and the book in total intro equally weighted Joker and Riddler moments, with Bruce doing his best to literally come between them and mediate. He’s also stacking the panels on top of the background plane, which gives the effect of the dinner being a polite formality for what each guest is really thinking – what they’re really hoping to accomplish.

  Superman #29

Following a spate of missing kids puts Superman on Parallax’s – the universal embodiment of fear and the power-source of the yellow lanterns – trail, but even if Superman can conquer his own fear, it may not be enough to stop fear itself.

Honestly, my favorite part of this issue may be how the Zoo Crew is a fictional property in the DCU, and how it had its own Zoo 52 reboot, and a Pokemon Go! Inspired app. The rest of the issue feels very on the nose, with Superman’s inner monologue going a little overboard on telling us how afraid he is for other people while “fear” is spelled out in various backgrounds. Also, considering the way that Parallax tries to enter Superman, I have a feeling that someone on this book may have a vore fetish going on.

Regardless, I generally do like Sinestro whenever he shows up in stories, which is weird as I’m generally not a fan of Green Lantern, and I’m hoping having Sinestro and Superman together leads this book into some fun places.

  Green Arrow #29

Holy hell; I did not know how much I needed Ferreyra drawing Batman in my life until this issue but I need more of Ferreyra drawing Batman. The opening pages where we slowly zoom into a puddle of blood only to see Batman perched on a building, reflected in red is the coolest goddam thing in comics this week.

Green Arrow follows Luthor’s advice to Gotham, where, as Oliver Queen, he pals around with the blue bloods long enough for them to lead him to the Ninth Circle partners in the city – the Court of Owls, who have begun using their Talons to hunt the poor for sport. And, of course, no trip to Gotham is complete without a visit from the Batman.

This isn’t as strong an issue as the last one, with Superman; but being in Gotham and around other rich people does give Green Arrow plenty of opportunities to just go off on how terrible rich people are, which I do always enjoy. Angry socialist Arrow is best Arrow.

  Wonder Woman #28

My favorite of Fontana’s issues of Wonder Woman so far, probably because it’s the simplest, plot wise.

Diana takes Etta home from the hospital to give her some in home care, but before she can even finish the dishes, they’re attacked by a sniper hunting a bounty on Wonder Woman’s head.

That’s it. A little bonding over hamburgers, then a fight scene, some background on the fight scene, and we end with promise of more fights. I still don’t like Fontana’s inner dialogue for Diana; the idea that there’s a peace in the bonds you make while at war is heavy on the bullshit; but Shea can script a good action heavy issue.

  Spider-Men II #2

The Spider-Men fight Taskmaster, who can more than handle both of them, making a clean escape while knocking Peter and Miles around for good measure. And, overhearing Taskmaster use his name in conversation, Miles finally begins to wonder who his 616 doppelganger might be – and what they have to do with Taskmaster.

In-universe, Spider-Man’s banter is supposed to be insufferable; not just to villains either, even other heroes think he talks too much. With Peter and Miles giving this a stereo effect, the insufferableness may even get to the reader. Even if you like the banter, which I do, it really is the rapidity and volume of it that gets to you. This thread is beginning to feel like a criticism of Bendis’ writing which, I guess goes to show why he’s kind of perfect for this book. Peter and Miles are two guys who, in-or-out of costume, are never off; always able to find something in the last thing someone else said to riff on. A scene with just Miles talking to his crush, Barbara, is much more charming, with Miles on the other side of the quips, but able to finally speak up enough to ask her out to the movies.

  Black Panther and The Crew #5

In ’69 (nice), Ezra begins to lose control of the Crew when they discover they can use their powers for personal gain. In the present, Manifold defends his block of Harlem from the Americops when they try to arrest a couple of kids out past cerfew.

There’s no arguing against the fact that Marvel’s mutants have always been analogues for minority peoples, but this may be the first issue I’ve seen to directly relate the treatment of mutants in the Marvel universe with the treatment of black people in the Marvel universe. Manifold narrates the issue, explaining why he’s decided to move to Harlem, and it’s because he realizes that people are afraid of black people in the same way they’re afraid of mutants in the Marvel universe. He finds kinship not through his powers, but through his skin color, and when he’s lost one family, is able to find another to protect and who will have his back.

Manifold expresses that Harlem chose him, and we get the feeling in this issue that it really did. Harlem didn’t have the same protections from violence under the law that other neighborhoods in the city did, so they elected vigilantes like Manifold, Luke Cage, Misty Knight, etc to be their protectors.

  Bitch Planet: Triple Feature #3

Another strong group of anthologies to the Bitch Planet spin-off series. Those People follows a soldier on his first mission out to arrest a group of terrorists that his CO’s make out to be demons, but – as we find out, aren’t nearly has harmful has he will be to them. Big Game is slightly similar in structure and tone, with a first time ranger out with his mentor on their first hunt of a “man-eater,” whom also, doesn’t live up to explanations. Love, Honor & Obey rounds things off with a noir inspired scene of a detective investigating a manslaughter case where a woman is blamed for the heart attack of a man having sex with her. All strong stories, all equally terrifying by how close they are to the lived reality of women and minority peoples. It does kind of weaken the second story to come right after such a similar one, but both have different enough endings, and work well enough on their own. Can’t really blame the writers for how the issue was structured, and I really don’t want to blame anyone working on this series because they’re all doing such great work with it otherwise.

Comic Reviews for 8/16/17 Dark Nights: Metal #1 This is how you start an event series. Specifically, giving the Justice League a Megazord they use to defeat Mongul is how you start an event series (even though, technically, it started with The Forge).