#I have to read 36 lessons written not even in my first language

[verve-wifux]

Draco Malfoy - Busted.

Draco Malfoy / Reader.

18+

Description

Draco Malfoy had always had a soft spot for his Chemistry partner, ever since the first year. His lingering and affectionate looks always went unnoticed by you, especially as he had been preparing to ask you to the Yule ball. To Draco's dismay, a certain hufflepuff beat you to it. Cedric Diggory.

Ever since you had accepted Cederic, the soft spot Draco once had for you hardened, and all that is left is yearning, anger and lust.

When things take a turn in detention and secrets are revealed, can the two really resist eachother?

Warnings - Angry confessions, degradation, praise, Dom! Draco, detailed sex scenes, strong language, refers to character death, oral sex, M! Whimpering/Whining, moaning.

Side notes - This oneshot is set in the 5th year.

This was written especially for my girlfriend, so do not expect anymore.

Word Count: 6318

You occupied your usual table in the corner of the library, your nose buried in a potions book as you got in some extra study. Due to the time, 6:36 AM, the library was vacant, meaning it was the perfect time for some extra reading.

Your blue and white tie (symbolising the house you belonged to, Ravenclaw), was neatly wrapped around the collar of your white, buttoned shirt. Your robes were neatly disgarded over the back of your chair due to the hot climate of summer.

It seemed the heat this year had been unbearable, presumably due to the fact you never ventured outside. The courtyard was always overpopulated and overwhelming, more than often resulting in a headache which forced you to retire early to the Ravenclaw common room and miss supper in The Great Hall.

You sighed, allowing your slender fingers to subconsciously twirl a strand of your brown hair as you read about Amortentia. You did not understand why someone would trick another individual into falling in love with them, the thought actually repulsed you, but you studied the recipe regardless.

Making your brown eyes snap up from the pages of your book was the sound of your best friend's happy and lighthearted voice.

"Y/N!" Luna cheered as she skipped towards you, strange glasses propped on her nose which were tinted orange.

Despite Luna being considered strange amongst your fellow pupils, the witch had managed to weave her way into your heart and a smile bloomed on your face as you watched her near.

"Good morning, Luna. I see you slept well?"

Luna shrugged a shoulder, starting to pack away your things into your bag.

"It's pancake day! We have to get to the food hall before the Slytherins get there and steal them like they did last Tuesday." She grumbled, clearly still annoyed at the fact she had been robbed of her pancakes.

You attempted to ignore the way your heart dropped at the mention of Slytherins, your mind going to a certain student with platinum blonde hair and a nasty attitude.

You shook your head, ridding him from your thoughs, and closed your book.

"Fine, fine. Have you prepared for the lecture today? Professor Snape mentioned there would be a quiz today, didn't he?" You questioned, glancing to your friend as you slipped your robes over your shirt, which was neatly tucked into your skirt which fell to your mid thighs.

Luna scowled at you.

"My mind is soley focused on pancakes, that lecture is a future me problem! Besides, you and Malfoy seem to distract Professor Snape with your competitive debates and answering each lesson, it practically gives everyone else a free period!"

You gave her a flat look, and she shrugged playfully.

"I'm not lying."

You sighed in defeat, knowing your best friend was correct, even if you did not wish her to be.

"Will pancakes shut you up?"

Luna nodded sweetly, skipping from the library.

Your frown deepened at the thought of your chemistry parter, but followed after Luna nonetheless.

Draco Malfoy hadn't always been so dissmissive and fustratingly annoying towards you, there was a time you had been.. friends. It wasn't that you weren't friends now.. you were just simply.. distant.

In the beginning, Malfoy had actually been quite nice to you. He would slip you notes in class, coy smiles and a playful jab of his elbow when you teased him. But everything had changed last year, he grew.. distant and colder. Instead of chuckling at your jokes, he frowned and looked at you weirdly. He would brush your notes to the side, disposing them in the trash bins before even reading them.

You were lying if you said it hadn't hurt.

Eventually, you stopped trying. You sat silently next to him in potions class, and focused on Professor Snape's lectures. However, for the past 3 months, it seemed you two were always at each others throats, battling for the correct answers in class, trying to prove something to the other.

You scolded yourself for thinking about him, and followed after Luna. Immediately entering the Great Hall, you were hit with the strong smell of food - pancakes more specifically.

Luna let out a cheeful "yippie!", seemingly unaware of the attention she had brought to herself as she picked her seat and began to stack pancakes onto her plate. As you sat opposite her, your eyes noticed a group of people staring at you both from across the hall with judgy eyes.

You glanced over the individuals, a boy you came to know as Blaise . His eyes were narrowed at you in a judgemental way, quietly whispering to the girl next to him, Pansy, no doubt talking shit about your friend.

You narrowed your own eyes in return, glaring over at them before striking up a conversation with Luna, who was shovelling food into her mouth uncaringly.

****

Ever since your.. distance with Malfoy, you dreaded what used to be your favorite class. You found, as you grew older, it was harder and harder to focus on your Professor as your eyes always wandered to the side of Draco's face.

This time was no different.

Subtly, you let your eyes wander over his pale face and irritatingly high cheekbones. His nose was perfectly curved, his lips plump but not distractingly so. His jaw was strong and sharp, and you almost wanted to break it.

He was annoyingly attractive.

You forced your eyes to Snape, trying to ignore the way Malfoy's masculine cologne flooded your senses, making you a little lightheaded despite it not being overpoweringly strong.

He had removed his robe upon entering, grumbling under his breath about the heat, and had unfastened the top button of his shirt, his tie messy and loose around his neck.

You wished to fix it more than anything.

"Keep staring, will ya? It'll give me a head start on this quiz," Draco muttered, not taking his eyes from the Professor.

You stayed silent for a moment or so, was he.. talking to you? Your cheeks burned pink and forced your eyes from him. He had caught you staring at him, and he seemed entertained by the fact.

"Don't flatter yourself, Malfoy, I was simply scoping out the competition."

He scoffed, shaking his head at you.

"Hm? And what have you concluded?"

She let a sly smirk cover her lips.

"That no way you will be beating me."

That made Draco look at you, but you used all of your strength on not looking back. You felt his eyes move over your side-profile agonizingly slowly, making you almost self conscious. He hadn't looked at you for this long since... well.. last year.

"Stop staring, Malfoy, you need all the help you can get."

You noticed in the corner of your eye that he poked his tongue against the inside of his cheek, glancing away from you as he tried to stop a grin from taking over his mouth. He shook his head gently.

You smiled yourself at the playful teasing between you.. it was nice.

You had missed this side of him.

But soon, you were quickly reminded that Draco Malfoy was an asshole as you battled eachother for the answers to Snape's quiz.

However, when Snape tallied up the points.. it was a tie. Before either of you could demand a decider question, the bell went.

You.. you couldn't believe it. You'd have to wait until tomorrow's lesson to find out who had won, and by the sour look on Draco's face, he felt equally as disgusted and infuriated.

As Pansy passed, she giggled with a stupid high-pitched tone which made you want to slap her across the face.

"Unlucky, Malfoy."

She touched his shoulder mockingly, but he quickly shrugged off her touch, muttering angrily as he strode past her.

You attempted to swallow your pride and hurt, ignoring the way he hadn't even said goodbye to you and stood up yourself.

You noticed Draco had left his robe, and part of you wished to snip it up into teeny tiny pieces and scatter it around the room. But you knew without it, and Umbridge's new, strict rules, he would be in huge trouble if he was spotted without it.

Sighing in defeat, you picked up his robe, folding it over your arm, and went to follow him.

****

You did an awkward fast walk as you tried to follow him through the halls, but his long legs meant he walked infuriatingly fast compared to you. You didn't wish to run after him, nor call out his name. It was a rule that female and male students could not be within 6 meters of eachother, meaning you couldn't make it too obvious.

You had alwayd been a firm follower of the rules, and that was what made you hault outside of the boys bathroom, which Draco had just entered. You debated entering, or waiting outside for him.

You knew it was more risky to be caught by Umbridge outside of the bathroom, but what if someone was inside of there with him?!

You cursed yourself mentally, and went inside.

It was silent inside the bathroom, apart from the running of the tap. You peeked your head in, seeing Draco's hands resting on the side of the basin, his head dipped. His shirt was untucked and tight on his lean body. Lean but not scrawny. Veins ran up his bony hands, a few silver rings decorating his fingers, no doubt his house crest.

His hair was messy and disheveled, and you gulped.

"M-Malfoy?"

His head snapped up, staring at you through the mirror. His gray eyes went soft upon seeing you, scanning over you quickly, but hardened once more when he reached your face.

"Can you not read? This is the boy's bathroom."

You scowled at him.

"I was merely trying to return your robes, you forgot them in potions."

You threw it at him rudely, making him react and catch it with his right hand.

You were about to turn, but hesitated at the sight of him. He looked.. awful.

"Are you.. alright?" You whispered, your voice going quiet on its own accord.

Draco narrowed his eyes, looking at you hatefully.

"I'm not in the mood for your snarky and smart comments, so leave," He ordered with a roll of his eyes, rubbing a slight coat of water of his face.

You rolled your own eyes, muttering under your breath as you began to walk out.

"Cranky git.."

You gasped when you felt a firm hand, Draco's hand, wrap around your small wrist and pulled you back. He had moved so quickly, you hadn't even seen him nor heard him. He pulled you harshly, nearly making you collide with him if he hadn't steadied you.

"Say it again, I dare you," He gritted down at you angrily, and you felt small compared to him. You tried to look away from his penetrating eyes, but realised his other hand was on your chin, forcing your face up to look at him.

"Let go.." You ordered, but it sounded all wrong. It was breathless, and you couldn't stop the heat in your cheeks at his touch and the look on his face. He looked.. feral. Out of control.

"Let go, Malfoy," You tried again, sterner this time.

You held your breath as his eyes skipped to your mouth, and he licked his own lips before releasing a sigh from his nose.

He let you go, and you took a few steps backward.

You glared at him before turning on your heel and quickly left the bathroom. You gasped for air, it felt your airways were clogged with his cologne, your skin burning from where he had touched you.

You glanced behind you when you heard your name being called out, eyes widening when you saw Draco storming after you, his robes clenched in one hand.

You quickened your pace, having no idea where you were going.

Your legs burned with effort as you tried to avoid Malfoy, but he easily caught up with you. He grabbed your shoulder, spinning you around.

"We can't be this close-"

"I don't fucking care," He snapped, and you peered up at him with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth.

"Just.. I- I'm sor-"

"Mr Malfoy! Miss Y/L/N! That does not look like 6 meters to me, does it to you?" You heard Dolores Umbridge's annoying high pitched voice call out, and you sighed in annoyance.

This was all Draco's fault.

"For Christ Sake.." Draco grumbled and moved a singular step away from you.

"5 more, Mr Malfoy."

Dolores Umbridge rested her hands on her hips, staring up from under her pink hat at Draco.

He shot her a nasty look, opening his mouth to argue with her.

"We were just talking-"

"You are more than welcome to talk in detention, Mr Malfoy, not during lesson changeover!"

She glanced over him.

"Be sure to tuck that shirt in, fix your tie and be wearing your robes before attending detention. You as well, Miss Y/L/N."

You opened your mouth to protest.

"But I wasn't-"

"Another word and it will be 2 hours, rather than 1."

You and Draco stared at her silently. After a few moments, she hummed in satisfaction and floated away. Your eyes snapped to Draco angrily.

"I hope you're happy."

You stormed away before he could respond and did not look back.

****

You informed Luna of your very first detention, and she rubbed her face.

"I warned you Draco would only get you into trouble back in first year! You just didn't listen because you were head over heels for him."

Your mouth fell open.

"It's not my fault he chased me! Besides, I don't like him."

She raised an eyebrow from behind her book.

"Since when?"

"Since he started being horrible last year! He made it obvious he didn't like me, especially when he didn't invite me to the Yule Ball.." You muttered quietly.

"Sounds like you still like him to me. Why else would you still be bothered by it?"

You shot her an incredulous look, but didn't deny it.

Draco was nothing but trouble, you knew this and you didn't like him. Not anymore anyway... Right?

You gulped and stood.

"I gotta go, I'll be late for detention," You slung your bag over your shoulder with a defeated sigh.

"See you later?"

Luna nods at you lightheartedly, and you leave the library and head to Professor Snape's classroom, where you were being forced to complete your detention.

You sat in the back of the classroom, placing your bag on the stool next to you and sighed as Snape supplied you with paper, a quill and an inkpot.

Draco soon entered the classroom, sighing as he slumped into the nearest seat, across the room from you.

"How nice of you to join us, Malfoy."

Snape muttered, giving Draco the same instruments as yourself.

"Your father will not be as pleased."

His voice sounded threatening as they stared at eachother, and you narrowed your eyes at the interaction. You felt like there was a hidden meaning.

"You two will write lines for the whole hour. I will check back in on you both later. No funny business."

Snape went to leave.

"What do you want us to write, Professor?" You questioned and his head snapped around to you. You swallowed slightly.

"Perhaps.. that you will follow the rules."

And he was gone.

Draco and yourself sat silently for about 20 minutes, and you focused on writing your lines. You sighed after a while, resting your head on your fist.

"I take it you do not enjoy spending time with me?"

You glared over at Draco, before returning to your lines.

"Don't talk to me."

You heard Draco scoff, and rage boiled through you.

"You're so good, Y/N. It must be exhausting."

You looked to him, frowning. You waited for him to elaborate.

"I bet this is your first detention."

You stared into his eyes from across the room.

"I don't pride myself on causing trouble and breaking rules. It's normally quite easy to do."

"Normally?" Draco raised his eyebrow at you, his quill disgarded on his desk.

"Yes, normally. I don't normally have you running after me and getting me into trouble. Don't be shy, what did you need to so desperately talk to me about?" You crossed your arms, dropping your own quill.

Draco rolled his eyes, and you felt your anger burn brighter inside of your chest.

"Can you stop doing that? It's annoying."

"Doing, what, exactly?"

"Brushing me off!" You snapped before you could stop yourself, and you both fell quiet. He stared over at you in disbelief.

"You better be joking," He muttered, and you furrowed your eyebrows.

He stood up at your confused look, and walked towards you. You gulped, but didn't move from your chair.

"You shouldn't be so close-"

"You brushed me off."

His sentence not only cut off your voice, but also caught you by suprise. You blinked at him, a disbelieving laugh escaping from between your lips.

"And when was that?"

His jaw tightened and he narrowed his eyes. He remained silent for a few moments, towering over you.

Just when you figured he was ignroing your question, he spoke.

"The Yule Ball."

You could barely believe your ears, what was he even talking about?! You stood up, crossing your arms over your chest angrily as you glared up at him.

"You didn't even talk to me at The Yule Ball!"

He groaned in fustration, shaking his head.

"I'm talking about before The Yule Ball! When you agreed to go with Cedric fucking Diggory!"

Your mouth fell open in pure shock, and his own face paled at his angry confession.

"All this time.. you've been mad at me for going with.. Cedric?" You spoke slowly, trying to understand him.

Was he being serious?!

"Why would you even be angry at that-"

"Because!" He snapped at you, shutting you up.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as his anger faded.

"Because I.. You agreed before.. before I.."

He struggled to speak the words, and you were so so confused. You waited for him to talk.

"You agreed before I could even ask you. You- I felt like an idiot because I thought..I thought we were.."

He stopped speaking, and looked away. Draco couldn't look at you, he was too embarrassed, too hurt.

He felt like an idiot.

"You were.. going to ask me?" You repeated in disbelief, and your heart sunk. You had pined after Draco since you had first met him, but figured after he didn't ask you.. you were merely his potion partner. 

He sighed, shaking his head as he looked away from you.

"And you tell me this now? It's nearly been 6 months since the Yule Ball, since Cedric-" You trailed off, unable to quite speak the words.

Cedric was dead now.

"You've ignored me this whole time.. because you were jealous?" You snapped, cocking your head.

Draco opened his mouth to protest that he wasn't jealous, but he didn't want to lie. Not to you.

"I.. I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me. I was.. jealous and embarrassed and I hated him. I hated him for taking you away from me, I hated him for asking you before I could!" He argued, stepping closer to you.

You held your breath as he neared impossibly close, his body millimeters from yours. He dipped his head to look down at you, his eyes staring straight into yours and filled with passion and truth.

"I don't understand..why?" You breathed, staring up at him with wide eyes.

He scoffed at you, shaking his head. His hands went to your hips, and he pushed you backwards until your ass pushed against the desk. You gasped slightly at his touch, and your hands automatically went to his forearms to steady yourself. You could barely breathe as he spoke, watching his face.

"Isn't it fucking obvious? I- I like you. I like you a lot, Y/N. When we got put together in potions, I thought you'd just be another smartass bitch. But.. you were so much more. God, I was so wrong about you, darling," He breathed with a soft smile, his eyes watching your mouth as he uttered the words to you. You flushed at his nickname, inhaling sharply at his confession.

"Draco.. I-" You whispered and he groaned, closing his eyes as he rested his forehead against yours.

"Say that again."

You hesitated.

"Say what, your name?"

He smiles again, nodding.

"..Draco.." You whisper, your body trembling and hot.

Draco lowers his mouth to yours, and kisses you gently, almost testing out your reaction. You freeze when his soft lips meet yours, your fingers tightening in his shirt before you pulled him closer, kissing him back.

Draco's ringed hands went to the skin of your plump thighs, and he lifted you onto the desk in a slick motion. He kissed you harder as you wrapped your legs around him, holding him there. Your fingers ran up his arms and shoulders, wrapping around his neck as you pulled at his hair softly.

Draco groaned into your mouth at the action, one hand squeezing your thigh and the other going to your hip, stroking your skin with his thumb. His tongue swiped against your lips, looking for access as he squeezed your hip again. You whimpered gently, parting your mouth to allow him inside.

The kiss was passionate and positively sinful. It was full of lust and desire, unlike the innocent peck you had shared with Cedric when the two of you had snuck off for some air during lasy year's ball.

No, this was different. This was dangerous.

Draco's tongue dominated yours, licking and exploring your mouth with his. You melted into him, allowing him to take exactly what he wanted from you.

"You taste exactly how I imagined you would, darling."

You smiled against his lips, kissing him feverishly. His long fingers began to tug on your shirt, untucking it from your skirt and ran up your ribs.

"We can't do that in here, what if Snape comes back?" You protested, and he smirked.

"Then we'll have to be quick."

Your mouth dropped open.

"What if.. someone hears us?!"

Draco chuckles at you darkly, kissing your mouth as he reached for his wand, waving it as he muttered "Muffliato."

You go to protest some more, but a mere gasp escapes your lips as his lips drop to your neck, kissing over your jaw sloppily and eventually sucking your lobe into his mouth.

Your vision went white with pleasure, your breath coming in hard and fast.

"Draco!" His name was a prayer on your lips, nothing more than a breathless plea.

He smiled against your neck, humming.

"You're so needy for me, aren't you? So good and vocal," He muttered against your skin, and you whined needily.

"Stop teasing me."

That was enough consent for his fingers to glide over your stomach and up the valley of your breasts, beginning to undo your tie and the buttons of your shirt.

He threw it to the side, his lips attatching to your collarbone as he continued to swiftly undo the buttons of your shirt. His large hands ran over your sides, thumbs stroking your ribs before he removed your shirt completely, leaving you in your bra and skirt.

You felt goosebumps travel over your skin as his eyes looked you over, from your plump thighs which were hooked around his hips, the plane of your stomach, your breasts that were contained in a black bra.

"You're so fucking perfect, aren't you? My perfect girl.."

You moaned softly at his words, arching your body into his as you pressed a gentle kiss to his mouth.

Your hands began to roam over his shoulders, shoving his robes away and exposing his white, buttoned shirt underneath. You smiled at the fact his tie was loose once more, his top button already unbuttoned. You pressed light kisses over his jaw and neck, swiping your tongue over his Adam's apple when you reached it, and let your fingers begin to nimbly undress Draco.

He smired at your eagerness, allowing you to tug at his clothes, slipping them from him.

"That skirt is dangerously short, you know that? Sometimes I bet you wanted to tease me, hm?" He cocked his head, and you nodded sheepishly.

"Maybe a little.." You admitted quietly, and his smile grew as he shook his head.

"Dirty fucking girl, aren't you?"

You kissed him again, full of lust and want for him as you tugged on his hair again. Draco's hands went to your thighs, squeezing roughly as he began to lift your skirt higher, taking it slow with you to ensure you could still change your mind.

However, you didn't.

You watched eagerly as he inched your skirt higher and higher, soon exposing your underwear which had dampened with arousal at his previous kissings and touches. You mewled as he tutted, your eyes feeling heavy as you stared up at him.

"Look at you, making such a mess for me already. I'll have to clean you up, won't I?"

You nodded with a breathless "yes" passing from your lips, moaning into his ear when his lips dipped to your chest and began to kiss his way over your skin, squeezing the plump of your ass. He let his hands roam higher over the curve of your back, undoing the clasp of your bra before he chucked it to the side carelessly.

His heart beats rapidly at the sight of your exposed chest, your nipples hardened due to the cool air and his assessing look. His hands go to your sides, his thumbs stroking over your sensetive buds once, dragging a moan from you as you shivered.

"Gods, Draco-"

"No one touched you here before, darling?"

You shook your head timidly, and his smile turned cruel and teasing. He tutted, lowering his mouth to one of your nipples as he kissed softly.

"Well then, I'm just gonna have to break you in, won't I?"

Your moans continued to leave your mouth as he kissed your chest, lightly sucking marks onto your skin as he teased your body. Your core fluttered at the feeling, growing uncomfortably wet after a few of his pleasurable licks. Your body arched into his mouth, panting out his name in desperation, your eyes closed tightly.

"Mhm, you feel so good, love," Draco muttered, pulling away from your chest to admire his work. You glanced to your chest, seeing his marks littering your skin, but didn't care.

You wanted more.

You wrapped your hand around his neck, pulling him closer until you could kiss him deeply, sliding your tongue into his mouth and tasted him.

He chuckled at your eagerness, his hands sliding over your body, handling your breasts roughly as his other went to your hip, dragging you closer into him until you felt his hardened cock brush against your sensetive core.

You moaned softy, your head falling back as you let his mouth wander down your body. Catching you by suprise, his hands went to your thighs, and pulled you closer to the edge of the desk. You gasped, one hand around his neck, the other clinging to the desk.

"What are you doing?"

He ignored your question, a sense of authority entering his voice.

"Lie back and spread these gorgeous legs for me, beautiful."

You swallowed but hesitantly followed his orders, a rush of pleasure rushing over you as you obeyed his command.

You slowly parted your thighs when your back was against the desk, breathing heavily.

"Now what?" You whispered out, your voice high pit hed and breathy.

Draco chuckled from above you.

"Lift your hips for me, love. Just like that," Draco praised you when you again followed his command, allowing him to slip your underwear from you, and carelessly throw them to the side. You felt exposed and vulnerable, your body trembled as you knew the only thing between your body and Draco was the flimsy material of your skirt.

Draco lowered himself to his knees before you, and the sight dragged a soft mewl from you. There was something so pleasurable about seeing him bow before you.

His ringed fingers dug into your thighs, sliding them onto his shoulders as he nuzzled your skirt up your hips. He pressed kisses into your thighs, sending you crying out his name and your hips squirming against his tight hold on you.

Before you could even speak, his mouth slanted over your entrance, and slid his tongue through you slowly, swirling around the bundle of nerves between your legs.

You moaned loudly, gasping in shock and pleasure and his action, his name dying on your throat. He groaned against you, his eyes rolling back into your head.

"You taste so good, little one. So fucking sweet," Draco nuzzled your thigh again before going back to your entrance. His tongue slid over you, rolling against your clit as he pressed a kiss there.

Draco worked you with his tongue for a little while, waiting until you were gasping his name before allowing himself to slide a finger into you. Your walls tightened at the unfamiliar intrusion, his mouth sucking at your clit gently.

"Draco!" You cried out, your head thrown back in ectasy and overwhelming pleasure. Your hips grinded against his mouth, willing to take a other one of his long fingers.

"Greedy little thing, aren't you? Ask me nicely, Y/N."

You gasped as he nipped your clit with his teeth, your senses shocking at the very slight pain, and body shuddering.

"D-Draco please. Give me another one.."

Draco chuckled darkly, squeezing your thigh roughly.

"You missed a word, darling. Try again," He prompted with a teasing smile.

You froaned in fustration, but swallowed, trying again.

"Draco.. Please, I want.. I need another one." Your cheeks burned with embarrassment, you couldn't believe you were doing this in the potions classroom, with Draco of all people.

Draco laughed at you, sliding a second finger inside of you and he curled them, hitting a spot deep inside of you which made you see stars.

"Such a needy little cunt. You're so desperate for me, aren't you?"

You nodded pathetically, crying out in pleasure as he sucked again on your clit. His tongue prodded you teasingly, testing your body in all of the right ways and you could barely contain yourself as he you gasped his name, your release rushing from you.

Draco moaned from down your body, his ringed fingers tightening on your thighs as you held your squirming body still, coated with your slickness, determined not to waste a single drop of your cum. He eagerly dragged his tongue over your slit as he swallowed every drop of your arousal that fell into his mouth, drinking like he had been stranded in the desert for a week.

You moaned loudly as you came, your half-hooded eyes watching him as he buried his tongue inside of you, dragging out your pleasure almost painfully. His messy hair tickled the tender skin between your thighs and your lower stomach.

When you panted for air, your orgasm fading and leaving your body trembling weakly, Draco pulled his mouth from you, kissing your sensetive clit once. You groaned at the sight of him, his lips plump and wet with your cum, some smearing over his chin.

"That is the closest to God I think I've ever been," He chuckled breathlessly, leaning over your body and kissed you. You whimpered as you tasted youself on his tongue, and kissed him back hungrily, desperate for more of him.

You tugged him closer, scraping your nails over his back and wrapped your shaking legs around his hips. As you brought him closer, his dick brushed against your sensetive clit and you both moaned.

"You're a minx," Draco scolded you, biting your bottom lip teasingly. You giggled softly, kissing him again.

"You like it," You teased, smiling up at him. The soft light of the classroom lit up his features, he looked godlike staring down at you with a wide smile.

"Mm, a little," He hummed, kissing along your jaw, letting your body return to your senses before he continued with your pleasure.

"You alright?" He checked in, and your heart fluttered. You took his chin in your fingers, and pulled his mouth to yours in a heated kiss.

"I've never felt better," You whispered against his mouth, reaching down to slowly pump his cock in your fist. His breath hitched, and his forehead fell into the crook of your shoulder as he let out a breathless groan.

"Fucking hell, love.."

You continued to stroke him from the base, swiping your thumb over his glistening tip and collecting his already leaking precum.

You stroked him faster, kissing his neck as you stroked his hair, letting him bury his face in your neck as he whimpers.

Draco Malfoy fucking whimpers.

The sounds Draco made sent you into a spiral of your own pleasure and determination. His hips began to slowly thrust into your hand as he panted harder, whimpering and moaning breathlessly as you touched him. His arm rested above your head, straining as he moved, his other still rested on your hip and squeezed gently.

"Merlin's Beard, that's- Oh my.." He continued to thrust himself into your hand, rolling his hips as he whined.

"Mmh, feel good?" You kissed his neck again, and he nodded, hips stuttering.

"I wanna- wanna be inside of you, darling.." He moans gently into your ear, biting down on your shoulder.

"Then what are you waiting for you?" You teased, and lined him up to your entrance. You swept his tip through the slickness that had been building up at his sounds and actions, and you both whined needily.

"You sure?" He gasped, he licked his lips, his cheeks flushed. His hair was ruffled from when you had been pulling at his blonde strands when he had buried his face between your thighs, his eyes gray and staring straight into yours.

You nodded, and with your permission, Draco began to gently fuck himself into you.

You cried out his name desperately, a searing pain shooting through you at the initial stretch, and you closed your eyes. Draco groaned from above you, his lips dropping to your chest as he placed sloppy kisses over your skin.

"So perfect..." He groaned, thusting his hips into your body softly, the arm above your head straining with effort as he fought against slamming straight into you.

Your pain slowly melted into pleasure as his movements grew quicker, your body not resisting him anymore and stretched to accommodate his impressive size. With each thrust, he hit your hilt, sending your body jolting and stars to your vision.

"Draco.. Merlin's Beard, harder," You begged him, moaning into his ear.

He grinned against your neck before his movements grew harder, rocking your body with each thrust of his hips, the desk creaking under you. The sounds of skin on skin and heavy breathing filled the room, and he captured your lips in his, kissing you deeply.

He pounded into your body, groaning against your mouth as you melted into him, feeling your walls flutter and clench around him.

"You take me so well, made for me, weren't you?" He teased, slamming into you. He reached down, removing his hand from your hip to rub circles onto your clit with his long fingers.

You moaned out loudly, tears escaping your eyes at the over-stimulation. You sobbed his name in desperation, not entirely sure on what you wanted him to do. You could barely breathe, your body alight, all caused by Draco fucking Malfoy.

"Such a good fucking girl, feel you're close, darling," He continued, and you nodded with a pathetic whine. You felt Draco's cock twitch inside of you at your sounds, his own groan escaping his lips as he suddenly increased his speed.

He swallowed your moans with a kiss as you came on his cock, pulling at his hair as you wrapped your legs around him tightly. He whimpered, his head falling to your shoulder as he fucked his cum into your trembling body.

"Y/N.." He whined, muffled by your skin as his hips stuttered, still rubbing circles on your clit pleasurably.

It was an overwhelming amount of pleasure, and you could barely breathe. You felt like crying, your body shaking, clinging onto Draco like a lifeline. His little whines only fueld the butterflies in your stomach, both of you gasping and whimpering as he pulled out of you, both of you sensetive.

He breathed against your mouth, catching his breath as he rested his forehead against yours.

"Don't even think about mentioning that again."

You giggled, knowing he was referring to his whimpers, and smiled widely at him.

"Our little secret, hm?"

He chuckled darkly, kissing your mouth for a few moments before he began to re-dress your weak body, pressing kisses over your skin and stroking gently as he went.

He had barely returned to his seat when Snape entered, no doubt to release you both from detention, but hesitated.

"Miss Y/L/N?" Professor Snape muttered to you, leaning over you with his hands on your desk, a frown settling onto his face.

You nodded quickly, trying to feign innocence.

"When did you move into Slytherin?"

You glanced down at your tie, seeing you wore Draco's green tie. You looked to him, both of you noticing he wore yours at the same time.

You winced, glancing back to Snape with a sheepish smile and pink cheeks.

Busted.

[erisenyo]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @ofherlionheart, thank you!!

1. how many works do you have on Ao3? 36?! When did that happen...

2. what's your total Ao3 word count? 1,612,719, and now I'm eyeing the shibari fic and my written WIP where chapter 4 of 6 is going to be 60+ word document pages all on its own...

3. what fandoms do you write for? ATLA! Though I'm starting to eye The Radian Emperor too, if I can figure out the writing style

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

1. Love is in the Hair 2. These Things Written 3. These Things Known 4. These Things Unsaid (lol the middle of the series having the least kudos of the three, middle book syndrome strikes) 5. Lessons in Proper Asset Management

5. do you respond to comments? I do! I do my best to reply to all of them, I love hearing people's thoughts and chatting about the fic or the characters or canon. Though I am currently egregious behind after the holidays, doing my best to catch up...

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I don't know that I do angsty *endings* versus just highly emotional situations that end in (hopefully) satisfying ways? To Cleave These Roots We've Made is probably my angstiest run into an ending, and Of Tea and Turtle Ducks (and the Turtle Duck Guy) just had a very high-emotion end. I don't know, what do you guys think? I don't always have a good read on the tone of my own fics lol

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Ohhh this is tough, maybe To Be Named, To Be Known (To Be Loved) or (With Wonder and Care) Reach for Far-flung Dreams, in part because the endings are just a culmination of a lot of like warm feelings? Or Didn't Know What I Was Missing (But I Guess I Found It) because we were all so happy the three of them finally talked lol?

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not really, though Katara in Burning Bright has been fairly polarizing. It's not hate but it's also like...not happy haha

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Oh, do I ever! And...all the kinds (m/m, f/m/ poly, f/f incoming)? Full on, graphic, self-recognition-through-the-boner character-developing smut.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I don't!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? oh man I hope not. I don't even know how I'd find out, unless someone told me

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! Into Russian!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, though I got close with certain installments in the Zukki series with the way Ash helped me outline haha. I wouldn't be opposed to it, but it feels more like long-form roleplay when I imagine it.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? This is a hard question! Because there's stuff I read fic for and stuff I write and then stuff I've like, read and gently rotated in my head for the rest of my life. But to make it easy--Zukka haha

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I tend not to let myself have too many simultaneous WIPs, and I don't really break my rule about finishing a work before starting to post, so no, looking at the current set. There's ideas I'd like to write that I'm not sure I will, but nothing started.

16. What are your writing strengths? I'd say dialogue, characterization, and building narrative tension and momentum

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Fight scenes lol. I don't know why they're so much harder than smut scenes, they should be the same, except smut is like intensely close and intimate and full of sensation and emotions and fight scenes have to be go-go-go but still full of sensation and emotions just different ones haha

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I've never tried! It seems like it would be difficult, me knowing only the one (and Latin, that doesn't count haha) and so much of the fun of language being in the wordplay and clever turns of phrase and the world of difference between someone saying "father" or "dad"

19. First fandom you wrote for? ATLA! I wrote some original fiction back in the day, but fandom-wise ATLA is my first go

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? So cruel to make me choose! I am a little bit in love with everything I post. And I will cheat by saying either To Open Every Door to Night, To Meet Each Rising Sun or Just Let My Love Adorn You (You Gotta Know that I Adore You) right now, I'm so pleased with how they both came out, and they were so much fun to write. Both really came together so well from what I initially imagined.

tagging @queendollophead-ao3 @lizardlicks @ranilla-bean and anyone else who wants to play! I'd love to see your answers

[phantomchick]

Naruto Fic Rec Masterpost!

The Last To Know by KuriQuinn Oneshot, Gen, Teen and Up, Team Seven, Sakura and Sasuke, Sakura and Team 7, Canon Compliant, Angst with a Happy Ending, trust, broken trust, forgiveness, hurt/comfort, this fic is fantastic and made me have so many feels for the characters as well as the bonds between them, Character Dynamics,

Summary: As usual, telling her the truth happens as though by afterthought. And this time, she's not taking it.

i'll always be there for you by RecklessWriter Oneshot, Gen, Itachi and Sasuke feels, sibling feels, Light Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Hypothermia, Uchiha Sasuke Needs a Hug, Big Brother Uchiha Itachi, a part of me niggles over team 7 failing a mission but I pretend that they ran into the hunter nin afterwards and Kakashi got the scroll back, it do be like that sometimes, Good big brother Itachi, Bad big brother Itachi, it’s complicated, Feels,

Summary:

He’s pressed against something warm. There are fingers carding gently through his hair, scratching lightly at his scalp.

“Nii-san,” Sasuke whispers.

The hand in his hair freezes.

Sasuke gets thrown into a frozen lake. Itachi doesn't know how to stop being a big brother, even when he's supposed to be pretending he doesn't care.

The Beautiful Orange Thing by zafiro Oneshot, Gen, Naruto and Kurama, Naruto is a very lonely kid and the kyubi is a very lonely bijuu, Pre-Naruto Canon Era, chibi-Naruto, Naruto loves Orange, Kurama tolerates Naruto because he is Cute, sweetness and light, angst and fluff, so cute I wanna physically hug this fic to my chest

Summary: Naruto arrives at a weird place and finds something wonderful there.

Maslow by FriendshipCastle Oneshot, Gen, T for cursing, canonical child neglect, Iruka feels, Naruto feels, implied/referenced child abuse, but nothing worse than what’s in canon, angst, hurt/comfort,

Summary: The first four tiers of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs applied to Naruto’s depressing childhood. Alternatively: Iruka slowly becomes the best replacement mother a ninja could have.

take the fight from the kid by theformerone Oneshot, Gen, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Team 7, Canon Compliant, but can be read as divergent, Post Wave arc, Pre-Chuunin Exams,  

Summary: Training with his team is different than it was before the mission to Wave. Sasuke notices how things have changed.

A Clean Break by GwendolynStacy Oneshot, Gen, Teen and Up,  Hatake Kakashi and Team 7, Team as Family, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Team Fluff, Kakashi feels, Self-Harm via compulsive hand washing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Happy Ending,

Summary: Every member of Team 7 has their personal set of demons to haunt them. While Kakashi is always prepared to lend his students a listening ear, he still hasn’t quite figured out how to ask for help when he’s the one crumbling.

The Beginning and the End by QuinsValoria Oneshot, short oneshot, gen, THIS HAD ME SOBBING OVER KUSHINA AGAIN EVEN THOUGH IT’S SO SHORT, pre-canon era, angst, Dont worry kushina, Your baby makes it out just fine, cries into laptop screen, Hurt/Comfort,

Summary:

“Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.” —Robert Browning

Uzumaki Kushina is an amazing mother, even in the very short time she has left.

OR

Kushina comforts her baby.

The Prince Of Leaves And Deep Water by RayShippouUchiha Ongoing, 3 chapter fic, do you ever read a fic with language that is so pretty and evocative that you just want to lean into it, like a kid listening to a piece of folklore that’s been passed down, it’s just beautiful to read? And the words slice and cut into your feelings in the best of ways, angst, hurt/comfort, drama, Kushina feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Uzumaki Lore, well worth the read even as a stand alone should it never update again, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Canonical Child Neglect, Uzushio feels,

Summary: ‘Protect him,’ Kushina prays in the quiet of her own mind as she leaves; pleading silently to the old spirits from her childhood, to the things that the Uzumaki Elders used to whisper about in hushed tones.

‘Love him,’ Kushina begs of the things she only knows from instinct and half remembered stories, those things filled with the power of salt and sun and deep deep waters.  Those things that live and thrive in the heart and soul of every Uzumaki who has ever breathed and battled and bled.  'Guide him, keep him safe for always.  But love him most of all. My little prince of eddies and leaves.’

Left behind, left alone and cold where before there was only a soft sort of warmth and a steady kind of safety, Naruto wails.

Final Evaluation by Do_the_Cool_Whip Completed, 5 Chapter Fic, Gen, Umino Iruka & The Rookie Nine, Iruka-Sensei, Feels, fluffy, I have so many emotions about Iruka being the best teacher in the elemental nations and this fic brought them all out to play, Excellence, Kakashi is a troll, a huge troll, like, he’s such a troll he’s a mountain troll, Asuma is a lesser troll, like he’s mostly decent but still infuriating so he’s a bridge troll, Kurenai is so cool that even when she’s trolling as is her right and duty as the jounin elite she is, the person she’s trolling still respects her for it, a river troll, the kids are so cute and young here, you can really feel Iruka’s affection for them, please revel in the wonderful that is this entire fic, revel I say

Summary: Progress evaluations are one-on-one consultation meetings between academy students and their teacher. Their purpose is to inform academy students of their strengths and weaknesses and guide them down their ideal path to becoming a strong shinobi. Upon graduating the academy and passing their jounin-sensei test, new genin return to the academy for one final consultation. (Or: The story of what happens when Umino Iruka uses his final meetings with his students as way to send them off to become the best shinobi they can possibly be.)

it takes a village by quillofferings Oneshot, Gen, snapshot series, angst, character insight, konoha 12, rookie 9, team Gai, team 10, team 8, team 7, repeating patterns and revelations, kinda gives a sense of the culture of a childhood in Konoha in a way that’s very quietly tragic, this story was written well before shippuden came out but it still reads mostly true to me, A Classic of the Fandom,

Summary: A Naruto snapshot series in the form of a oneshot.

spirals by nescione Gen, Oneshot, Team Seven, Generations, Team 7, Dai Nana Han, Spirals, Repeating Patterns, things happening the same across generations in repeating patterns is a big theme in the canon and lots of fic delve into it and play with the whole idea as a result, but this fic does it especially well, Team as Family, Angst, Fluff, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, A Classic of the Fandom, Summary: From the sannin to the present- a look at how history repeats itself, and how it doesn't.

this, and love too, will ruin us by RecklessWriter Oneshot, Gen, Itachi and Sasuke feels, Naruto Feels, Short and Sweet, Angst, Whump, Brother Feels, Sibling feels, Uchiha Sasuke Needs a Hug, Naruto Uzumaki Needs a Hug,

Summary: Naruto remembers the first time he saw Sasuke and Itachi.

He remembers looking at them and thinking, I wish I had someone who loved me like that.

Ten Facts About Team Yamato by Lisse Oneshot, Gen, short and sweet, Team 7 feels, Team as Family, Dai Nana Han, Team Seven, Team Yamato, characterisation, short but solid, Ficlet,

Summary: On paper, their team doesn't exist.

Troubling New Developments by SicTransitGloria Oneshot, Teen and Up, hilarious, pre-shippuden, Team as Family, Kakashi pov, Team 7, AHAHAHAHA,  Puberty hits the genin,

Summary: Kakashi takes a moment to wrap his mind around equating Ino’s chest with enemy shinobi while Asuma begins beating his head against the table and groaning about how he didn’t sign up for this. Rated for language and the general horror that is puberty

Of Harrowed Hearts by Sable_Scribe Ongoing and possibly (probably) Abandoned, Gen, Long Fic, we’re at 36 chapters in as of the time I’m posting this, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix It, Families of Choice, Team Seven, Team as Family, Bamf Kakashi, Good Teacher! Kakashi, Angst, Uzushio Lore, Fluff, Uzushio Feels, Uzumaki heritage, Bamf Team 7, BAMF Rookie Nine, Naruto's ability to make friends with giant chakra demons surfaces early, Rookie Nine, Rookie 9, Konoha 12, Naruto and Kurama,

Summary Naruto has been hearing the rumbling growl in the back of his head for as long as he can remember. He’s seven when he tries to talk to it for the first time. He’s the dead last, the failure at everything, so he doesn’t actually expect to succeed. And when he’s suddenly standing, knee deep in murky water and face to face with a demon, he has no idea what to expect. As it turns out, the world could use something unexpected.

Automatic by Dayadhvam Oneshot, Gen, Sand Siblings, Fluff, Team as Family, but also, Family as Family, Short and Sweet, A Classic of The Fandom

Summary: Gaara's shield defense is automatic: he has never had to consciously think about ordering the sand where it is needed. Kankurou and Temari have always known this.

As Is the Sea Marvelous by blackkat Mature, Gen, Eleven Chapter Fic, Warring States Era, Uchiha Madara/Senju Tobirama, Izuna Lives AU, everybody lives nobody dies, Hurt/Comfort, brotherly feels, sibling relationships, Angst With A Happy Ending, Insecurity, Self-Sacrifice, Imprisonment, Fix-It

Summary: Tobirama is willing to give absolutely anything for Hashirama and his dream. Including his life.

A Lesson In Trust by Live Gen, Oneshot, Shikamaru & Naruto friendship, academy days, trust exercise, fluff

Summary: All Iruka wants is for his class to start trusting each other, too bad Shikamaru would rather watch the clouds...

Snow Is Serious Business When Your Business Is Being A Kid by vulcanhighblood Gen, Oneshot, Iruka and Naruto, Umino Iruka is a Good Teacher, Uzumaki Naruto Needs a Hug, Fluff, Snow

Summary: Iruka's trying to teach his class, but the first snowfall of the year makes keeping their attention more difficult than he would have liked.

The Consequences of Winning by tabjoy13 Oneshot, Gen, Team 7, Protective Hatake Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi is a Good Teacher, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Team Feels, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Hatake Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi Is Trying, Wave Mission

Summary: Three days. It had been three days since Zabuza’s attack, since Kakashi passed out, and since Team Seven took refuge in the bridge builder’s home. Three days and Kakashi hadn’t shown a sign of stirring. Three young genin are left with the question: now what? Cross posted on FF.net.

discendo docemus by llamallamaduck Mature, Ongoing, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Trauma/Ptsd, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, Good Orochimaru, A lot of talk about depression and mental instability, Also Sharingan fuckery and assorted eye-trauma, rarepair, Itachi & Sasuke, eventual Sasuke/Ukitake, Itachi & Tsunade, 

Summary: There are some things a seven-year-old psyche is not ready to endure. An S-ranked torture technique preformed by a traumatized thirteen-year-old is one of those things. Sasuke doesn’t enjoy hallucinating memories of his murdered family day in and day out, but he’s learned to be philosophical about such things. It’s everything else that’s the problem, really.

Nidaime Otokage by DuskBeforeDawn Ongoing, inspired by nukenin, Time Travel, Dimension Travel, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Protective Hatake Kakashi, BAMF Hatake Kakashi, BAMF Dai-nana-han,Team 7, Team as Family, Non-Konoha Shinobi Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi is a Troll, Kage level Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi-centric, fluff, adventure, crack, mature, fun read

Summary: No one knew him.His father was still alive.His Sharingan acted like it had always been his.Kakashi was twenty-two years in the past of a different world.

French Kissing, the End of the World, and Other Impossible Ordeals by Tsume_Yuki Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Female Uzumaki Naruto, Time Travel, Uchiha Sasuke Being an Asshole, Protective Uchiha Sasuke, BAMF Uzumaki Naruto, Time Travel Fix-It, Smitten Uchiha Sasuke, grumpy asshole/cheerful optimist, this fic is literally just Sasuke being soft for Naruto, Mature but like it’s fiiine the author could’ve left it at teen and up and it would’ve gotten a pass at least from me

Summary: This is it, centuries of excellent genetics, of carefully selected marriages to maximise the potential of future generations and it’s going to be Sasuke who introduces idiocy to the Uchiha bloodline. The ancestors must be rolling in their graves. In which Sasuke is smitten, Naruto is a badass, and time travel happens.

No Tomorrow by Authorship Uchiha Shisui, Uchiha Clan, Shisui Lives, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Longfic, Completed, Found Family, Fix It, Mature, Time Travel, Fuck Danzo

Summary: The water was crushing, pummelling Shisui's broken form, even as it swept him further and further from Konoha. 

And then Shisui woke up.

It's two months until the day he died. Two months to change the current of his life, of his Clan, of his village. And Shisui has no intention of letting history run its course.

¦ part 1 ¦ part 2 ¦ part 3 ¦

[nonelvis]

2020 fic meme

(xposted from Dreamwidth)

I didn't do this meme last year, because I wrote one (1) fic in 2019, uggggh. But this year I have seven! It's a 2020 miracle!

Fic written in 2020 All of these are varying degrees of adult-rated except for the G-rated "Fragment of a Fragment," and teen-rated "The Cold Curve of the Moon" and "Can I Teach You a Lesson?". (The latter includes sexual metaphors, but nothing explicit.) The Cliffs of Pandarium (Tenth Doctor/Dhawan!Master, Doctor Who; Teaspoon, AO3) Round the Back Way (Thirteenth Doctor/Dhawan!Master, Doctor Who; Teaspoon, AO3) The Cold Curve of the Moon (Tenth Doctor/Reinette, Doctor Who; Teaspoon, AO3) The Question-Mark Curve of a Cat's Tail (Tenth Doctor/Missy, Doctor Who; Teaspoon, AO3) Fragment of a Fragment (Eleventh Doctor, TARDIS; Teaspoon, AO3) Can I Teach You a Lesson? (Badgey/Clippy, Star Trek: Lower Decks; AO3) The Sixteenth Move (River Song/Dhawan!Master, Doctor Who; Teaspoon, AO3) Leitmotif of the year Sacha Dhawan is a ridiculously pretty man playing one of my favorite characters. Of course I'm going to write fic about his Master. Overall thoughts I am legitimately amazed I wrote this much during this miserable excuse for a year. I fully expected to spend the year depressed and writing absolutely fuck-all again, and instead, seven! whole! fics! Which won't seem like much for people who are more prolific writers, but for me it's a pretty decent year. My best story of the year It's difficult to define "best" in a year where I feel several of these fics are doing something especially good with language and/or plot and/or characterization, so I'm going to go with my favorite, the one I have yet to get tired of re-reading: Round the Back Way. I enjoyed the hell out of writing it, other than the fight choreography, and it came out exactly the way I wanted it to. also, Can I Teach You a Lesson? is pretty damned good despite being ... whatever the hell it is My favorite story of the year Also Round the Back Way, though I was really pleased with how The Sixteenth Move mostly wrote itself over just a few days – not to mention how pleased I am that as far as I know, I'm the first person to write River/Dhawan!Master. (GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, FANDOM. This pairing is hot like burning!) Most fun story to write And again, Round the Back Way, because I had to come up with various scenarios about where and how the Master would be spending his time during that 77-year period he was stuck on Earth, and more critically, how the Doctor would foil his evil plans. Also, the Hello Kitty notes she leaves him still crack me up. Runner-up: The Sixteenth Move, which began with "but what if River/Dhawan!Master" and detoured into "but what if River pegs him with the MacGuffin," and I basically was cackling to myself the whole way through. (Except for the truly awful pun midway, where I was yelling at myself for writing it.) Story with the single sexiest moment The Question-Mark Curve of a Cat's Tail: the pacing feels just right to me, and it turned out that the plot-driven reason for Missy not letting Ten kiss her until after they'd finished somehow made it sexier, at least to me. Most "holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story Can I Teach You a Lesson? No question. NO QUESTION. I mean, it's a story about a homicidal holodeck program shaped like a giant Starfleet badge essentially having sex with Clippy, the Microsoft Office Assistant. This is the kind of story where I spent the entire writing process going "I can't believe I just wrote that," and then you perverts liked it. Story that shifted my own perception of the characters apparently Clippy is generous in the sack Hardest story to write I don't remember any of them being unusually difficult to write, though The Question-Mark Curve of a Cat's Tail might have taken slightly longer than it should have. Biggest disappointment I knew that releasing rarepair fic literally 36 hours before the end of the year was not exactly a recipe for massive popularity, but dammit, The Sixteenth Move deserves more hits. Biggest surprise ... that said, I am always surprised when one of my fics turns out to be popular, or at least popular by my standards, so the sheer number of people who have read and loved Round the Back Way make me very happy. Thank you, folks. Most unintentionally telling story Legitimately Can I Teach You a Lesson?, because it's further proof that apparently I have the world's most useless skill: being able to write pornography between inanimate objects. (See also the last two chapters of The Office Supply Chronicles and the Juicero/Unicorn frappucino fic.) Story I haven't written yet, but intend to No idea on the fic front – I'm hoping, but am not expecting, that maybe I'll be inspired to write more Thirteen-era fic – but I'm chewing over the idea for a novel that will probably never go anywhere. Eh, we'll see.

[wewillwriteyou]

Hi! 💙 Could I get a prompt with Joe Mazzello, Quote [36], Smut[5], enemies to lover kinda drama? Thank you sm, ly 💕💙💕

Thank you so much for the ask, anon! 💙 We hope this is what you were looking for 🤸🏼‍♀️🌸

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Quote [36]: “It’s so hard for me to hate you right now.”

Smut [5]: Sex in a public place

Plot requests: enemies to lovers

Warnings: SMUT under the cut! (please read it only if you’re 18+); unprotected sex [PLEASE ALWAYS BE SAFE FOLKS, LIFE ISN’T A FANFICTION], language then and there what’s new?, FLUFF at some point

Characters: Y/N & Joe Mazzello

Word count: 2.6K words

Written by: @deakyswhitequeen

Disclaimers:

This is a work of fiction. In this case, we created an “Alternate Universe” for our character, so please, know that it’s all coming from our wild imagination.

Love you, folks xxx

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Request a story from this prompt list!

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Mondays were the worst. Of all the seven days in a week, Mondays were definitely your least favourites. Not only cause it meant the weekend was over, but also because it meant you were required to share some regular screen time with the devil in the body of Joseph Mazzello.

You’d been working at that tv news program for like six months and every damn Monday morning you had to open the news with him. The super host. The man everyone loved and praised. The man who���d got every man’s dream job and who was every woman’s – and sometimes men’s – dream.

Everyone was at his feet. He’d always find the way to show off and somehow people loved him for that. He had a way with people and everybody wanted to be his friend.

You’d always hated that guy.

Since your first day as his co-host, when he’d mistaken you for an assistant and asked you to bring him his morning coffee. When you explained to him you didn’t work for him but with him, he’d asked you to call somebody and bring him his coffee instead.

You did. And when they handed you the coffee you accidentally spilled some on his notes, earning from him a few not-so-nice nicknames right away.

You could not care less. Laughter and whistles from all over the office boosted your ego. This could be fun… The perk of the situation was that nobody could say a thing: after all, it had only been an accident.

For the last six months it had always been bickering and cheap shots between the two of you and, even if it was kinda fun battling with him, you still hated the guy.

Like every Monday morning, that day you had arrived at the studio right on time and had the time to fetch a coffee and head into your friend Scott’s office to find the strength to face Mr Mazzello for the whole day.

“Honey, you are gonna wear yourself out if you keep on going with this battle thing… why don’t you just stop bothering about him?”

“Scott, you’re not listening to me…” you huffed, placing your empty cup on his desk, “I can’t back down… This’s been going for so long that he’ll just think he’s won!”

“And… would that be so bad?”

“Yes! He’s a jerk and he needs to be taught a lesson” you mindlessly straightened the wrinkles on your skirt “I just haven’t figured out what lesson will do it…”

You caught Scott raising both his eyebrows at the same time.

“What?” you asked

He shook his head “Nothing, nothing darling…”

You sat on the edge of his desk and crossed your arms on your chest, meaning you would not have left his office till he’d told you what he was thinking.

He scoffed “Alright, alright…” he looked at you n the eyes “But you promise me you won’t get angry.”

You traced a cross on your heart “Promise”.

He nodded “Seems like you’re a bit obsessed by the guy lately… I mean… you look like grade school kids teasing each other. Is there any chance – and please don’t hit me – that you might be into him?”

“WHAT?!” you immediately slapped his upper arm.

“Ow! I said don’t hit me!”

“Sorry… it’s just that your speaking nonsense… bullshit, if you will”

You’d lie to yourself if you said you’d never thought about that… but you had also always told yourself that it was definitely bullshit. The guy was your worst enemy. Nothing more, nothing less.

Scott chuckled and shook his head, “Whatever, Y/N, I was just wondering…”

You stared into each other’s eyes for half a second, before you cleared your throat and stood up.

“I have to go” you started, your voice calm and low “Thanks for bearing with my shits, Scott”

He smiled and winked, “I’m here for you, honey”

Walking out of his office, you headed to Clothes & Makeup to get ready for the show. You closed the door of the dressing room behind you and set on at the makeup stall to fix your hair.

“Cindy, I’ll need another shirt for this morning, that new assistant spilled coffee on my sleeve…” that voice was unmistakable.

“Well maybe you deserved it…” you promptly answered to the man approaching the makeup stall.

Joseph Mazzello in all his greatness.

He narrowed his eyes “No-one asked for your opinion, Miss Fix-My-Hair-Or-The-World-Might-End-Tonight…”

You scoffed “That nickname is almost as lame as you are… Oh no, wait, that’s not possible”

“Ouch,” he placed a hand on his heart theatrically “that really hurt”

You mimicked him and quickly turned around on the stool, determinate to ignore him.

“Cindy’s off work today” you informed him.

He exhaled loudly “Could you please help me choose a shirt?” he asked in a purposely flat tone.

You leered, slowly turning your head towards him.

“No”, you enunciated. Getting up from where you were seated, you walked to the door and smirked to him before turning the handle to conclude your scenic exit.

What you hadn’t expected was the handle falling to the ground and locking you in the room with the most annoying person in the whole world.

You gradually turned to him, only to find him with a huge smile on his face.

“Do you have something to do with this?” you asked.

He scrolled his shoulders without erasing his cheeky smile

“You freak! Is this your fault?!” your voice squeakier than usual.

At that change of tone, he burst out laughing.

“You bastard…” you mumbled on your teeth, trying to work the handle again, “What’s the matter with you?!?! We have to work! People will wonder where we are! Oh God will they think we are…?”

“Screwing? Yeah, they probably will” he finished the sentence for you.

“Ugh, I can’t believe it! Did you do this on purpose? Why??”

He chuckled and shook his head again, taking a step closer to you.

“It’s just a fortunate coincidence… But I did hope we could talk alone some time…”

“About what?” your voice harsher and harsher.

He smiled cheekily “About us”

Blood filled your veins and you suddenly saw everything red.

“US? WHAT IS ‘US’?? I–”

“Calm down, tiger,” he interrupted you “I mean about this tension between us… It’s not healthy, Y/N, I think we should drop this act…”

“Act?”

He furrowed his eyebrows “Yes. You prank me, I prank you, we bicker… let’s stop all that and talk about the real stuff that is between us…”

You narrowed your eyes in confusion “Is supposed to be a joke or…?”

He chuckled and shook his head, looking down at his feet as he took another step forward, then at last his eyes met yours.

He had a cheeky and mischievous grin painted on his face.

Ugh, I wanna kiss him. No, PUNCH HIM!, I wanna punch him.

“C’mon Y/N, I know you feel it too…” he began, then puffed when you still acted like you had no idea what he was talking about “The sexual tension? You cannot tell me you are unaware of it…”

“I don’t know what you talking about…” you lied.

“What a dirty liar, miss Y/N…” he laughed, “I know you feel it too. I can see it written all over your face”.

You were suddenly very aware that he was like ten inches away from you and you gulped. He was right (for once in his life). Still, you tried to remember to yourself why you did not like him.

You shook your head “Joseph, I–”

“Please, Joseph’s my father. Call me Joe”

You exhaled and started again “Joseph, there is nothing between us. And just so you know, there can never be. I hate you. You hate me. End of story…”

“You think I hate you?”

You crossed your arms on your chest “Well, yeah… that’s the essence and the extent of our ‘relationship’”

He shook his head “You are so stubborn”

You raised your eyebrow “Yeah, that’s the key to a girl’s pants: insulting her.”

He suddenly closed the distance between you two, his lips violently looking for yours and his tongue darting in your mouth. Joe walked the two of you to the nearest wall and pinned your arms against it by the sides of your body.

When he pulled away to gain some breath again, he stared into your eyes, his lips inches from yours.

Snapping back to reality and forcing yourself to ignore the heat that had expanded throughout your body, you scrolled your arms and freed your wrists of his grip.

“We are supposed to hate each other” was the only thing your lips could articulate.

Joe chuckled, passing his thumb on his lower lip and looking you from underneath his lashes.

“Well, it’s so hard for me to hate you right now…” he walked closer again, while gradually unbuttoning the cuffs on his sleeves, “So hard to hate you when every day you walk in with your unbelievably short skirts and your impeccable scented hair…”

“That’s a weird thing to say…”

“Shut up” he cut you off, promptly grabbing your wrists again and locking them by your sides, “So hard to hate you when you look so gorgeous sitting beside me at the desk… So–”

You didn’t give time to finish the sentence, your lips crashed against his, hands running to the top buttons of his shirt. While your fingers expertly unbuttoned his shirt, you felt his hands grazing up your thighs and lifting up your skirt to your hips. You helped him out of his shirt, throwing it as far away as you could.

“Cindy will be pissed we ruined that one…”

“Shut up”.

You cut him off by kissing him passionately and violently again, biting his lower lip while sliding your hands down his shoulders, to his sides, till the hem of his trousers and starting fidgeting with his belt.

You felt his hands climbing up to unbutton your shirt as well and then tossing it on the floor right away, the skirt following right after. His hands flew to his belt, helping you untuck it and undo his pants; you pulled them down to his ankles and he quickly got rid of them.

For an instant, you stared into each other’s eyes, but there were no more questions in your head. There was nothing your rational side could say to stop you now.

Joe pinned you against the wall, his whole body pressing into yours and his erection already hard on your thigh.

You bucked your hips against his and he groaned into the kiss.

“You will have to keep it quiet, Mazzello. They could hear us…” you whispered to his ear while sliding a hand down his stomach and into the elastic band of his boxers.

He whined and chuckled at the same time, suddenly pulling away from the kiss.

“Let them hear us…” he leered while unlocking your bra and tossing it aside.

“Fucking gorgeous…” he hissed and hooked a finger at the edge of your undies.

He pulled them down and they instantly dropped at your legs, while you did the same with his boxers. He grabbed your wrists again and threw your hands around his neck, while his glided down your hips and stopped underneath your bum, squeezing it gently.

Without a warning he lifted you up and sunk into you, making you exhale harshly and moan out loud. Your legs wrapped around his waist as he partially slid out and thrusted back in: you both moaned at the sensation of that particular angle as he started thrusting at a low pace.

His hands were sustaining you against the wall, whereas yours were roaming on his back, leaving nail marks then and there only to stop to cup his face.

Your bodies were moving, but your eyes were still, locked into each other. You inched closer to place your lips on his, the kiss tender and gentle, in contrast with the heat and speed up pace of the moment.

You felt sweat drops streaming down your face and your whole body on fire. You could only think of how good it felt. How that man who you’d barely tolerated for the past six months seemed to know you in and out like nobody ever had. He knew exactly what you liked and seemed to be always hitting the right spots.

“Joe…” you moaned, feeling your orgasm approaching and noticing his pace speeding up.

“I know–” he breathlessly uttered “I’m close too”

And as if you were trying to, you both came undone, recovering from your climax.

As you tried to steady your breath, your grip on his shoulders tightened and you found yourself basically hugged to him. The craziest thing was how nice it felt to have his body against yours and right into your arms. Joe’s head was resting on your shoulder while he heavily breathed in and out.

When you both felt like coming back to reality and abandoning your warm embrace, Joe let you down to your feet and you both remained silent as you got dressed again, avoiding looking at each other.

Once you were both fully dressed, you dared to turn in his direction.

He was looking at you too, a sweet smile on his face and you couldn’t help but smile as well.

“Why are you smiling?” you asked while fixing the collar of his new shirt.

He watched every move you made, never stopping smiling.

“I’m still high on what we did…” he whispered “And now I cannot stop thinking about you”

You chuckled, sincerely maybe for the first time in front of him and you caught his eyes glimmering.

“I’m right in front of you…”

He slowly nodded “I know… But I just can’t get enough”

“That is such a line…” you snorted, making him cackle along.

“It is but it worked, didn’t it?” he winked at you, making you shook your head and giggle.

If anyone had said to you that you’d be falling for one of Mazzello’s lines when you’d gotten up that morning, you probably would have punched them in the face. But now, there you were… giggling at his stupid lame lines that didn’t sound so lame anymore, and looking at that guy who you fought to keep your distance from, not knowing you’d actually always tried to keep him close.

Only now, while he was gently kissing your lips goodbye behind the door of the dressing room, you understood that Scott had been right all along.

When he pulled away from your lips and you felt your heart sink to your stomach, just cause you wanted him to keep on kissing you, you suddenly felt like a different person from the one who had entered the door that morning.

You smiled one more time to each other before calling security to get you out of there. When you heard their voices from the other side, you saw Joe getting closer to your ear with a cheeky smirk.

“Showtime” he whispered and when the door opened, his smile disappeared as he walked fast towards the studio.

You rolled your eyes as well and bolted out of the door, mumbling a ‘Thank God I couldn’t take it anymore’ and heading for the opposite direction Joe had taken.

You were trying your hardest not to burst out laughing at the hilarity of the situation: acting like nothing had changed in your enemies-relationship while in reality, everything had.

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Did you like this story? Check out what else we’ve written on our masterlist!

Do you have an idea for a story? Put together a request from our prompt list!

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[darkpoisonouslove]

I retaliate/reward you with writer asks 2, 3, 4, 12, 22, 24, 36, 37, 39 and 42 ;D

Sounds good to me. XD

Okay, let's break these down. (I've crammed things that should be separated in different paragraphs in the same paragraph because of the structure of the ask. I just think it is easier to navigate it that way even if more paragraphs would make more sense. That way every opinion is constricted in one paragraph and you can tell which point it refers to easier. (At least imo.))

(I can't put a read more link rn as I'm on mobile. Sorry.)

2. Don't use adverbs

I cannot begin to describe to you how much I LOATHE this. It is, by far, some of the stupidest writing advice I have ever read. No, I don't care Stephen King supports this. Stephen King writes mostly horror and in horror you need to maintain suspense so short and to the point is definitely better and cutting adverbs is certainly a way to do that. However, I don't think this applies to all writing. I think this isn't really a genre thing as much as it is a specific case by case thing. And in most instances I think this advice is bullshit. Think about it. Language was created to allow us to express ourselves. Cut all adverbs out of it and that narrows down your way to express yourself. It's kinda like "Oh, hey, my leading hand serves more purpose. I should probably cut off the other one because it's not that effective." Congrats, you just crippled yourself. It's the same with language. Why would you deny yourself the help of an entire group of "tools" to express yourself? I just don't understand it. I suppose you've seen the posts going around about "good" and "bad" adverbs so I won't go into that as I agree that an adverb is a good idea when it adds some meaning to the word that wasn't there before (eg. "cried happily"). Sometimes it can actually make things faster to just "tell" them rather than show them through the context. I think adverbs are as neat as any other part of language and deserve their place in writing.

3. Write what you know

Yes, you should know what the hell you're writing about. Whether it was something that you were familiar with before you started writing or you did your research on the matter. I might be a little biased on this because I kinda hate doing research so I can be swayed towards write only what you are completely familiar with but that would just make things boring. So I think you can write about stuff that isn't quite your area of expertise as long as you put the effort to research it to the proper level depending on what you need it for. If it's more of a mention, you don't need that much knowledge about it but if you intend to make it the subject of your writing, please make sure you understand what you're going to be talking about in the entirety of your story. I am begging you because when you don't, we end up with stuff like 50 Shades of Grey (and I'm not just talking about the sex parts since this book is full of poorly researched stuff that, shockingly, ends up being unbelievable at best, potentially harmful at worst). However, I think that applies to a greater degree to published fiction rather than to fanfiction but let's not get into that debate since it's a completely different topic and I already veered off course.

4. Avoid repetition

This I mostly agree with but it depends on the purpose of the repetition. If it is done in order to establish a theme or motif or to emphasize a point (without overdoing it, of course), I fully support it. (I do that a lot in my personal writing and it shouldn't be that hard to find examples of it when looking at my fics ("What Is the One Thing That Can Never Break?" is the best example of this but I have done it countless times in most of my fics if not all of them since this is one of my fave techniques).) However, there is a thin line between establishing a theme and making dead herrings aka something that is brought up repeatedly without any point to it other than boosting the word count since it doesn't lead to anything and it was already discussed at a prior point (which I might have done a few times myself in some of my longest fics). If you're bringing another angle to an issue you've already looked at or are furthering the point, you should be fine but this is indeed a thin line to tread so it demands a bit of caution. I do believe repetition can be a valuable technique in specific circumstances, though, so it all depends on how it is used.

12 is already answered here

22. Do not use semicolons

My personal opinion on this isn't very applicable to anything else because I am not really quite sure how to properly use semicolons so I avoid them. I also don't really like them in other people's writings. I'm sure they have their uses but I think a lot of authors also overuse them to make those horrendously long sentences that I hate (but have started becoming guilty of as well even though I think that if you can't remember how the sentence started at the end of it, it is too long and needs to be split in some way). It is why I haven't bothered to learn how to operate them. XD But I think that my point about adverbs should be applied here as well. It is another tool you can use and I am sure it can be helpful. So I am not necessarily against it and wouldn't tell someone to stop using them. Only, maybe try using full stops as well? And I'll try to do the same because, like I said, I have started becoming guilty of paragraph long sentences as well. (Just to be clear, sometimes longer sentences are okay. But not when literally every sentence is over 150 words. You need to break them down, spice it up with shorter sentences thrown in the mix.) Also, I think this is an instance of the trap of "bigger is better" for a lot of writers except that here it is "longer is better". It really isn't. And I can tell you why. My scenes have started getting thousands of words long and if I were to write novel, I could hit 50k words with about ten scenes. Most novels are up to 120k words total. Those would be 24 scenes in my numbers but don't you feel like a novel will need more than 24 scenes? Consice writing is definitely a good idea and it is much harder to cut things rather than to add (at least for me). Fanfiction gives more room with the word count but I still think that it is important to be able to convey your point in as little words as possible. (Btw, this is a tangent but long sentences and semicolons appear a lot in academic writing and I hate it even more there because it makes it more incomprehensible than it needs to be (and in a lot of cases it already is written to be as incomprehensible as possible). Just... start another sentence, I am begging you. This one already is a page long, for the love of everything in the world.)

24. Don't edit as you write

A complicated one. Mostly because I have done this. I used to do it a few years back. I (mostly) don't do it anymore. I might stop to edit a typo or change a sentence that just doesn't read right but nothing bigger than that. And you should, arguably, not do that either. Why? Because you may end up deleting the entire paragraph, page, chapter and all that perfecting will have been for naught. It has happened to me when I spent a ton of time perfecting the first chapters of several of my works and some of them I will never finish while others actually need to start from a different point in time so the whole chapter needs to go. Along with all of my efforts. I would say this is mostly for longer and chaptered projects since the structure of a one shot (depending on the length) is easier to figure out and you probably won't need to rearrange parts of it. And if something is really poking your eyes out, you can fix it real quick. But once you have the whole thing, it will be easier to see what needs to stay, what needs to go and what needs to be changed. Sometimes the temptation is hard to resist and it's fine if you give in as long as you're doing it with the knowledge that "yes, this may be all for nothing but I can't look at it like that for another second". Sometimes I would say that you need to go back and see where everything derailed if you can't move on. There was good advice that if you're stuck, the problem is probably a few paragraphs before the point where you hit a wall and it has helped me get over a block a time or two. However, if you can move on without touching anything, you probably should. That can also save you from deleting something that is actually good. I have felt like the whole thing I was writing was terrible but holding back from deleting or even altering anything and, instead, giving it some time to breathe has saved a few fics along the way from being completely butchered. So I think this is, generally, good advice because of the reasons I listed but just like any other rule, it can be bent and broken. (I would say fixing typos is a form of bending it which I allow myself all the time. Spelling is just really important to me.)

36. Never use a verb other than 'said' to tag dialogue

I hate this specific phrasing of it a lot. Never start any rule with never. Of course, you need to use other verbs as well since they were created to express the wide range in which a person may speak their chosen words. My problem with this is the reason that is usually given for it and that is that it distracts the reader. It has never distracted ME. Not a single time. And while I agree that using said most of the time works since people usually speak in a calm, even, steady manner which to describe as simply "said" works well enough, I think that other dialogue tags have their places too. Because people don't always say things. Sometimes they scream them, sometimes they whisper them, sometimes they hiss them, sometimes they snap and so on. Here I think a better phrasing would be to use Syndrome's lesson again that "when everyone is super, no one will be". Dialogue tags different from said are supposed to direct your attention to the change in tone. They're supposed to stand out. If everything stands out, nothing will. (This philosophy is so applicable to so many things and I think we have to take a minute to appreciate how valuable the lesson of "The Incredibles" is.) So as with every other writing tool, if used accordingly, dialogue tags (all of them, not just "said") can only be of help and will not hinder you in any way. Just don't put more frosting on the cake than there is cake, you know?

37. Do not start a sentence with a conjunction

FUCK THIS RULE so much. This one you have to keep to only in academic writing. The moment you step through the threshold of creative writing this rule should be crushed under your soles. I often start sentences with "and" or "but" because I am looking to emphasize whether this sentence agrees with the previous one or not. Think about it. When you say "I liked him. But I didn't trust him.", it reads very different from "I liked him but I didn't trust him.". It focuses your attention on that contrast and makes you pay more attention to the objection to the first sentence that comes in the second. That can be incredibly valuable and help emphasize what you're saying in a more subtle way than repetition would. This is one of my favorite techniques of focusing the attention on where I want it to be and I will never give it up. Sue me if you want. And see if I care.

39. If there's a story you want to read but it hasn't been written yet, you must write it

Must is too strong a verb. You are not obliged to write anything. I couldn't possibly write everything I want to see written in a single lifetime. Calm down there. I think what people need to understand here is more that "if you want the story done the exact way that you would do it, you will have to do it yourself because no one else will do it the very same way". Doesn't mean that someone can't come close enough (I had that luck once) but it is unlikely that they'll do it in a way that you won't have any complaints about. So, really, "if you want something done right, do it yourself". But this can also mean "you have something fresh that the world needs because no one else has done it yet" (or at least not the same way you would do it). Which is cool but you really don't owe anyone anything. If that story is what you want to read and write (emphasis on that because writing is hard and takes a lot of energy, guys), then great! Go right ahead. But if you don't feel like doing that, you can leave it alone. Someone else might do it in time but with that we loop back to my previous point. I think that you should write whatever you want to write whether no one has written it before or it has been done hundreds and thousands of times.

42. Write your first draft by hand

Very mixed feelings here. I used to do that. The main reason for that is that I didn't trust myself to edit quite as sufficiently if I wrote it directly in a document as I would if I had to transcribe it from paper to the computer. For me personally, it is easier to change sentences when there is only blank space after that sentence since I don't have to worry whether the next sentence I have will still make sense once I'm done rewriting the current one. It was just easier to change things. A way to deal with that is to just press enter a few times before you start editing the sentence so that it looks like there is nothing after it and you're free to change it as you please. However, writing directly in a document is definitely faster and since I was having a lot of things to do in a limited time, I started doing that. It helped get over the fear of a blank page to a degree. It is faster. And I don't think I have noticed a change in the quality of my fics. Not a negative one at least. I just know that if I had had to write the 10k+-word ones by hand before typing them on the computer, I would've lost it. It would've taken way more time and patience than I was willing to give these ideas. Writing the words by hand sometimes helps me feel them better, though, (if that makes sense) and I wouldn't completely give up on it. I like to go with my intuition when deciding whether to write it by hand or type it directly in a document and it has worked out well enough for me so far.

[newtospnfandom-blog]

I'll Never Hear The End Of It (A Soulmate AU)

Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, reader.

Warnings: bit of angst, vamp attach, language (but not really, just dammit).

Inspired tlby the saying "I'll never hear the end of it" bolded in the fic. Thank you to @the--blackdahlia for betaing this for me. I'm on mobile so no other tags until the reblog. I'm sorry. Gif isn't mine.

Stories. The greatest way to learn about someone. Their history. Their passion. Why they are the way they are. They also happen to be the only way to know when you've met your soulmate.

Until the fateful day that each person met their perfect match; their better half, the love of their life; they would never be able to listen, watch or read the end of any story unless their the ones telling it. Spoken works would become jumbled gibberish, and movies or written words would become blurry and unrecognizable. Some people never met their soulmates, living their entire lives in a state of confusion. Others were lucky enough to find theirs as children, playing innocently on the playground.

Then there was Dean.

At the age of 36, Dean had still never heard the end of a story. That had made school hard. Sure they had special schools for people who hadn't met their soulmates yet, ones with lower requirements that make you less likely to get into college but school nonetheless. For Dean though, not knowing the end of the lessons combined with always moving around with his dad for cases Dean struggled with school. Somehow Sam had excelled and even made it into Stanford without ever meeting his soulmate. Colleges never offer 'SF’ classes, as they were called, Soulmate Free. How depressing. But when Dean went to get Sam to help find his dad he was shocked when Sam got his full message. Sam had found her, his soulmate. Jessica was a wonderful girl. It's a shame what happened and Dean blamed himself every day for it.

That was ten years ago.

Now Dean was waiting on a double bed in some cheap, dingey motel in the Midwest where he was pretty sure a nest of vamps were racking up dead bodies left and right. It had been two days, and several witnesses later he still didn't have a clue where the nest might be.

“It'd be easier if I could hear everything” Dean grumbled. He was getting frustrated that he couldn't do his job properly. Having to leave a majority of the interview work to Sam. “Sammy hurry up! I want to hit the bar tonight.”

“Alright alright, I'm ready.” Sam said, emerging from the bathroom in his fed suit.

Later that night

“Dammit!” Dean threw his suit jacket across the room with all his weight, it not damaging the wall as he wanted, or shattering the way a beer bottle would have.

“Dean calm down. We'll get them. I promise.” Sam tried to console his brother but he knew this wasn't just about the vamps’ newest victim.

“I can't calm down! We talked to that guy less than two hours before the vamps got there! They know we're here and they're taunting us Sam! And you wanna know the worst part? I CAN'T DO A DAMN THIS ABOUT IT!!!” Dean yelled at his brother, “I can't do a damn thing Sam because I can't hear the end of the witness stories where the most clues may be hiding. I can't hear the end of the statement that could save their lives, and I'll never hear the end of it!”

After his outburst, Dean went over to the mini fridge in their room and pulled out two beers. Opening one and downing it as fast as the glass bottle and his body would allow, then opened the second and took another long mouthful. Sam could see that his brother was hurting but had no idea what he could do. Just as he went to speak his phone rang.

“Agent Sixx,” Sam answered, “uh-huh. Okay, we'll talk to her tomorrow see what really happened. Thanks sheriff.” Placing his phone down Sam turns to his brother, who's almost done his third beer already. Where'd the second go so fast? Sam wonders to himself but decided to table it for another time. “That was the sheriff, -”

“Well, no shit Sherlock. Let me guess, some chick said she saw something and he doesn't believe her so now we gotta go talk to her? Sound about right?”

“Dean the sheriff said she claims to know where there's a place full of vampires that she found because she ogodbsofje kdoej djjfidk dnekd.”

“Well I didn't hear the end of that but I heard the important part. Finally a good lead. I mean so long as she ain't crazy,” Dean said, his mood visibly improved, “so wait, why can we talk to her tonight?”

“Sheriff said she's unavailable at the moment since she's so shaken up but will talk to us tomorrow if we go fjdi jdownfdk jfksnduek ssdj disksb.”

Dean sighed, “Dude, you're really good at putting the important info at the start of your story, and I thank you for that, but I didn't hear where we are going or when. Tomorrow just tell me to get dressed when it's time and then you can drive.” Sam's eyebrows shot up in surprise, Dean's mood was much improved by the possibility of a lead.

The next day Sam told Dean when to get ready and then they drove to the witness’ house.

“Hello?” You asked when you heard a knock at the door. Towering over to you was a huge man with long (at least for a man) brown hair and kind eyes.

“Y/n Y/l/n?” The tall man asked and you nodded in reply. “I'm agent Sixx, FBI, and that,” the giant pointed to another man with shorter, lighter hair closing the trunk to a beautiful black car, “is my partner agent Niel, this is ufksjdbd jfdks jejejf.”

“Sorry I didn't catch the last part.” You blushed, knowing he would know you hadn't met your soulmate yet.

“ Oh, no problem. The sheriff didn't tell me you hadn't met the one yet, keep up hope, he's out there. Or she… no judgment.” Now it was the agents turn to blush.

“He.” You stated, feeling better and more comforted. “Please, come in.” Agent Niel had just arrived at the door when you gave the invitation and followed the taller man in. As he passed you noticed the beautiful shade of green in his eyes, mesmerized momentarily.

When reality caught up with you, you closed the door and joined the agents to the living room. “So,” agent Sixx started, “tell us about the incident last night if you could.”

This man was really good and giving instructions that told you why they were there instead of stories, knowing you'd hear him then. But that didn't change the way they were going to react. “You'll think I'm crazy. The police do.” It wasn't a story so you knew both men would hear you. You didn't know if either had found their soulmates, though Sixx gave you the impression he had, so you figured being as short as possible was best.

“How about you tell us, with as much detail as you can, what you saw,” well that confirmed it, Sixx had definitely already found his soulmate. Agent Niel, on the other hand, looked really annoyed, so you were guessing he wouldn't be hearing the ending. “Leave nothing out.”

“Well, yesterday when I was leaving work to come home I passed by the Town square like I do every time, but while I was at a stop sign I heard a noise coming from the park. It sounded like someone yelling for help so I pulled around the corner onto Maple Street and turned my car off. Then I quietly made my way over to the park. I'd had years of dance and Tae Kwon Do training so I'm incredibly light on my feet. Plus I made sure not to step on any sticks. When I got closer to the park I started hiding behind trees so as not to be seen, and what I saw will probably haunt me for the rest of my life.” At this point you noticed agent Niel starting to tune out, and so you focused solely or relaying the encounter to his partner. “I heard a gurgling noise, like someone trying to clear the toothpaste from the back of their mouth, and couldn't understand what it was. Then I saw three people crouching around a third body, it's leg was jerking around so I thought maybe he was having a seizure and the other three were trying to help. Since I know first aid I decided to try seeing if they needed help… but as soon as I moved to approach them one man sat up. He had blood dripping from his mouth and chin. Then I saw his fangs.” You started getting emotional remembering everything that happened less than 24 hours ago.

“Hey, it's alright, it's a lot to get through. Take your time.” The taller man comforted you.

Agent Niel leaned over, “take her time?! Dude it's already going to be a long story why do we want her to take longer with it?"

“Because I want to be able to understand what she's saying… Wait. What do you mean it's going to be a long story?” Sam asked his brother.

“I mean it hasn't become nonsense yet so she's got a lot more to tell. Way to go, we are probably going to be here all day.” Dean complained. Listening to stories he would never be able to correlate with an ending annoyed Dean beyond compare.

“He's right.” You had surprised both men with your statement, “I should just get through this so you can move on with your lives. I was lucky that I was able to hide in the shadows because it meant that thing didn't see me. But I know what I saw. Those three guys were vampires. Not like the ones in the movies, I think that's why the cops didn't believe me. The sun hadn't fully set yet when I heard the call for help, which meant these guys were chasing that poor man in sunlight. Plus their fangs were like a second row of teeth in front of their normal human ones rather than elongated canines.” The two men shared a look.

“Then what happened?” The taller, and you guessed younger, agent questioned.

“I stayed there until they finished and when they got up to leave I went back to my car. I followed them to where they're staying and they were greeted by more vampires. I mean I didn't see their fangs but I just assume they wouldn't keep a human around for no reason, you know? Anyway, it turned out that almost the entire place was filled with them. I went from there back to the park but the place was already a crime scene so I went to the station to give my statement. I told the police I saw the murder, that it was vampires and that I knew where they were, but they didn't believe me. They brought in a psychologist to examine me, see if maybe the effects of watching someone die has made me go off the deep end, but he cleared me. I came home and went to sleep. When I woke up I knew it hadn't been just a dream and now with you both here that confirms that something is really going on.” You finished.

Agent Sixx finished writing something in his notebook then spoke, “alright thank you so much for your time Y/n. I know how hard seeing what you did must have been on you. Now I'm going to tell you something and I don't want you to freak out. I want you to trust that what I'm telling you is the absolute truth.”

“Okay.” His tone scared you but you were ready for him to tell you're not crazy.

“Vampires aren't real. It was dark and I think you may have just seen the effects of a new drug that's just hit the streets, turns people cannibalistic.”

Rage boiled in your stomach, you couldn't believe that after all that he had just called you crazy.

“No,” the other man spoke up. “That's a lie, vampires are real. You did see an attack and you may be in danger just for talking to us about it.”

“Dean! What the hell are you doing?!?” Sam asked, shock evident on his face and in his voice.

“Trust me, Sam.” Dean's face was blank, giving nothing away as to what was going on in his head. “Y/n, I'm going to tell you something I have never told anyone in my entire life. When I was four years old and my brother Sam was 6 months old a bad thing came into our house and into Sammy's nursery. My mother found it there and the thing killed her. My dad grabbed Sam from his crib and put him in my arms and told me 'Dean, take your brother outside. Go, now’ before going back in to look for our mother. The house almost burned to the ground that day. We lost our mom and may as well have lost our father. He spent the rest of his life trying to hunt down the thing that killed our mom. He found him and lost his life. A little later I killed the thing that took both our parents. That's how we ended up in the life we are in. We aren't FBI agents. We are brothers and we hunt monsters. Like demons, vampires, and werewolves. We caught wind of a case in this town that sounded like vampires. That's why we are sitting in your living room. You are the only one who has seen where they are hiding out and we, I, need your help.”

“Dean, what the hell man. Why would you-”

“I heard it.” You said, almost a whisper tumbling off your lips as tears welled in your eyes. “I heard it! I heard all of that story!” You were almost laughing with joy as your tears streamed freely down your face.

“And I heard all of yours too, sweetheart. Now, can you please tell me where the vampires are staying?” Dean asked, a smile spread widely on his face.

“Of course. Anything. They're staying at the motel.” You said matter of factly, no big deal to you.

“Okay, which one?” Sam asked.

“There's only one motel in this town. The one in the East end of town, on the main road.” You said noticing the change in their demeanor. “What?”

“Sam, go to the car.” Dean said. Sam listening, standing and heading to the door of your house.

“What’s going on?” You questioned.

“We are staying in that motel. They've been under our nose this whole time. I have to go. I think you should come, we can keep you safe, but only if you're with us.” Dean said, clearly avoiding the elephant in the room.

“Sure, then after we can talk about how you're my soulmate.” You said, walking past him to follow Sam.

[its-alumina]

A list of accomplishments in the past year that I am (somehow) proud of

1. Completed my physical set of my favorite book series Artemis Fowl (this takes first place because, I dunno, accomplishment.)

2. 15+ anime series finished this year (not quite sure with the number), including that long-ass Naruto. Most of these series have been watched in 2.5/3.0 speed, in an effort to train my Sharingan to read subtitles effortlessly (it worked!)

3. To date, 100+ poetry (or non poetry) typed in a notepad file titled "poetry" in my computer, all expressions of my feelings, thoughts, opinions, self. Here's to not losing the will to write shit and keep adding things up in that stuff.

4. Still don't know how to play any instrument (but no one's got me beat in "air" drums), yet I've still got some lyrics written down and recorded, hidden somewhere in the pc and waiting to be completed songs (to date, out of 20 song ideas, only around three or four are complete with verse, chorus. The voice is still not good tho.)

5. Not really anything yet, but the Aluminaverse is growing ever so slightly, with new concepts, characters, and plotlines being added bit by bit. The writer, however, is lazy trash, and is barely even writing any story. Whatever will happen next, no one fucking knows.

6. 21 (turning 22) and still employed, for some reason. Not that I'm complaining.

7. 21... and still a v$#%£& (seriously whut).

8. Still doesn't give a fuck about politics.

9. Regularly eats junk food.

10. Has a collection of Smart C+ bottles at home.

11. Now curses instead of tearing up whenever a The 1975 song comes up (still blocked them though.)

12. Has a set of reactors in shitpost Facebook account.

13. Recently liberated and free from toxic workplace.

14. Support game is not that shitty, thank goodness. Might play tank soon. And as always, a shitty carry.

15. Can play as Impostor really well.

16. Now plays League of Legends.

17. Still lies between teeth.

18. Maintains a healthy balance of suicidal and happy thoughts (an ecosystem).

19. Was able to post a good amount of tumblr posts to keep alive for another half year of inactivity... or three.

20. M e m e k n o w l e d g e e x p a n s i o n

21. Laughed a lot, even in crisis.

22. Was able to educate for a good two or three months

23. Slytherin supremacist after all this time.

24. Probably got drunk only twice (in which in one of them I'm drinking solo and it didn't *didn't* end well. I dunno, I've done lots of stupid stuff during quarantine)

25. Am a part of history being a part of growing fanbase of fave artists.

26. Still toxic when it counts.

27. Still crazy when it counts.

28. Still funny when it counts.

29. Still serious when it counts.

30. Still a simp when it fucking counts.

31. Light novel coverage is admittedly... less than expected (only 10 or less read so far this year, but at least it's something.)

32. Made a handful of character designs (drawing style's still shitty, so meh)

33. Reached One Piece chapter 999, a historic moment.

34. Had at least 15 crushes, of varying degrees (but now simps for only one. I just wish that she'd simp back or something). *Update: I don't think she would, but meh, what else can I do about it lol. At least I s i m p*

35. Stans the same artists more and more every day.

36. Overthinks less now (this doesn't make much sense semantically).

37. Vengeance still hot, grudges still strong.

38. Met quite the awesome online friends, and boy, was I glad that I met them.

39. The same favorite song, which is a testament that I am motherfucking loyal. (Lol).

40. Less bitter about terrible things, less judgmental of terrible ideas.

41. Still wanna commit genocide on terrible politicians.

42. I think I speak English better now, and that my grammar is a *little* better.

43. Has learned a little "konnichiwa" language.

44. Manages to be kind, because the Doctor said so, because kindness counts more. Would try to be more kind.

45. Loves self more now compared to then. Can stand up to self better. Can speak for myself more often now. Can do things for the sake of me and no one else most of the time.

46. Been gay/bi/pan at least three times (no kidding)

47. Was able to grow out my hair into a bird's nest mess lmao.

48. Tore off toxic friends off of my system like it's nothing, and forgotten about trash people not worth remembering.

49. Haven't shed a tear yet again, except for that one damn scene from Violet Evergarden and, of course, No Game No Life: Zero, but most definitely not for some damn human being (going strong).

50. Still alive, against all odds, chances, and dumb fuckery that Life and the World throws at me, and will do so again next year.

The year may have been terrible, but it's not lacking its rewards and lessons. Here's to a more hopeful year. Cheers!

Ps: Bad Side of 22 soon.

Pps: there might have been more to add, but this is a rushed list, and these are all I can think of. SML!

[bishreview]

Top 50 Singles of 2017

My final article of 2017! There have been a lot of good music this year. Trying to cut down to 50 songs was a hard task, having over 70 songs by different artists before cutting them down. This means I’ve missed a lot of songs that I really wanted to add. I have finally got it down to 50 though and I have made a Spotify playlist which I will link to this if you want to check out the tracks that made it. I’ll only list from 50-21 (like I did last year) but will talk about the top 20 tracks. For statistics, I have one Canadian, four from the UK, eight from the states and a whopping 37 from Australia.

50. Never Let Me Go - Green Buzzard (AUS)

49. 911/Call Me - Tyler the Creator ft. Frank Ocean and Steve Lacy (US)

48. call the police - LCD Soundsystem (US)

47. Birthdays - The Smith Street Band (AUS)

46. Yanada - The Preatures (AUS)

45. Love Can Be. . . - Vince Staples ft. Ray J, Kilo Kish and Damon Albarn (US)

44. Pure Luck - Ninajirachi ft. Freya Staer (AUS)

43. Crushing Hard - Urthboy (AUS)

42. Murder to the Mind - Tash Sultana (AUS)

41. Dawning - DMAs (AUS)

40. Diamonds - A$AP Twelvyy ft. A$AP Rocky (US)

39. Second Hand Car - Kim Churchill (AUS)

38. Golden - Kingswood (AUS)

37. The Remedy - Polaris (AUS)

36. P Plates - Ruby Fields (AUS)

35. These Kicks - Citizen Kay ft. Georgia B. (AUS)

34. Shred for Summer - DZ Deathrays (AUS)

33. Feel It Still - Portugal. The Man (US)

32. Science Fiction - The Belligerents (AUS)

31. Cigarette - Ali Barter (AUS)

30. Got On My Skateboard - Skeggs (AUS)

29. I Haven’t Been Taking Care of Myself - Alex Lahey (AUS)

28. Andromeda - Gorillaz ft. DRAM (UK)

27. Man You Want Me To Be - WHARVES (AUS)

26. Afterthought - Dear Seattle (AUS)

25. True Lovers - Holy Holy (AUS)

24. Homely Feeling - Hockey Dad (AUS)

23. Low Blows - Meg Mac (AUS)

22. One More Love Song - Mac DeMarco (CAN)

21. The Evil Has Landed - Queens of the Stone Age (US)

20. Not Worth Hiding - Alex the Astronaut (AUS)

Alex the Astronaut has had a huge year. She released her debut album and has seen a growing fanbase to make her one of Australia’s most popular solo female artists. Her lead single Not Worth Hiding is a gorgeous song, reflecting her humble, gentle, kind attitude whilst having a relevant political point about accepting LGBTI communities

19. Night of the Long Knives - Everything Everything (UK)

Night of the Long Knives is a huge song. From the first time the chorus drops, it brings you into a darker, experimental world, shaping what is to come on most of their album A Fever Dream. Jonathan Higgen’s voice is again flexed, his falsetto being a brilliant feature in the verses.

18. Deadcrush - Alt-J (UK)

There are many highlights on Relaxer and I had a hard time picking between this, In Cold Blood¸ and Adeline. Deadcrush has become my favourite off the album though, the weird vocal in the chorus and thumping bass heavy beat making it both an intriguing listen and a danceable track.

17. Destiny’s - Arno Faraji (AUS)

Triple J’s Unearthed High winner, Arno Faraji, is the future of Australian Hip Hop. His beats are mellow, and his rapping style laid back, having a heavy influence on US rappers like Chance the Rapper and GoldLink. Definitely an artist to watch for the future, with Destiny’s being his best song so far

16. Dumb Days - Tired Lion (AUS)

Tired Lion’s debut album this year was a good listen. The title track though blows the rest of the album away. With a strong theme of growing up and missing the feeling of being younger, Sophie Hopes belts out the Smashing Pumpkins like track, with the outro chorus hitting right into the feels.

15. Friends - Kwame (AUS)

One of my best discoveries of the year was Sydney rapper Kwame. His EP Lesson Learned was a great listen from start to finish. Friends is a highlight from the EP, with a beautiful piano motif throughout, reminiscent of artists like Kanye. Another Australian rapper who will hopefully shape the future of the genre.

14. Fuck Off - Pist Idiots (AUS)

Another Triple J Unearthed find, Pist Idiots are a great punk band. On Fuck Off they don’t hold back, detailing a broken relationship where the partner doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. The brutality of the lyrics combined with the distorted, messy instrumentation is brilliant, conveying a feel of desperation in the music.                 

13. Be About You - Winston Surfshirt (AUS)

From one of the year’s angriest tracks to one of the year’s sexiest tracks, Be About You is a smooth song. With Winston’s intimate delivery in both the rap verses and the falsetto chorus, it builds like an Anderson Paak or Justin Timberlake song. Definitely the most intimate song of the year.

12. Chateau - Angus and Julia Stone (AUS)

Brother and sister duo Angus and Julia Stone returned from a long hiatus this year with their album Snow. The highlight from this album was Chateau, their biggest song since 2010’s Big Jet Plane. With gorgeous production, beautiful harmonies and a relaxed vibe, their switch to a more pop direction was a good choice, producing one of their best songs yet.

11. Run for Cover - The Killers (US)

Just missing out on my top 10 was the comeback from Las Vegas rockers, The Killers. Although lead single The Man was good, I felt Run for Cover highlighted their sound better, being a strong rock song reminiscent of past hits such as When You Were Young and Read My Mind. The quartet came back into mainstream attention this year in a big way, and Run for Cover was the track that proved it.

10. Feel the Way I Do - The Jungle Giants (AUS)

If someone told me that Jungle Giants would be releasing fresh tunas like this I’d be shocked and appalled. But here we are. From the opening keyboard motif to the singalong choruses, this has everything a perfect indie pop song needs.

9. Humble - Kendrick Lamar (US)

Humble is the biggest track of the year. It will probably win the Hottest 100 (deservedly) and will continue to dominate most dancefloors around the world. It’s mix of a catchy hook, a strong beat and Kung Fu Kenny’s signature rapping style is brilliant and it’s obvious why this song has become such a megahit.

8. Nuclear Fusion - King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard (AUS)

Out the 50-something songs that King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard have released this year, the early release Nuclear Fusion still stands tall as the best. Their exploration of microtonal tunings and riffs are at their best in this song, as they utilise microtones to create a catchy yet dissonant melodies, catching the listener off guard. The “nuclear fusion” voice is a winner as well.

7. You’re in Love with a Psycho - Kasabian (UK)

Writing a perfect pop rock song is pretty hard. It’s a risky move, balancing catchy hooks with enough experimentation to remain interesting. You’re in Love With a Psycho is one of those songs which master it though. A song which is impossible to remove from your brain once you listen to it, it’s a completely fun, silly song which you can’t stop playing on repeat. With lines like “you’re like the taste of macaroni on a seafood stick”, Kasabian might have written the most fun pop song of the year.

6. The Comedown - Ocean Alley (AUS)

Like The Jungle Giants, I wasn’t too big on Ocean Alley a couple of years back. They’ve completely converted me though with The Comedown. With crisp piano, a smooth baseline, some beautiful guitar effects and the amazing voice of Baden Donegal, Ocean Alley have filled up the hole that Sticky Fingers left behind.

5. Marryuna - Baker Boy ft. Yirrmal (AUS)

I don’t think I’ve ever heard a tradition Indigenous language rapped before, but Baker Boy’s unique style of mixing his Indigenous tongue with English is genius. He switches between languages with ease, whilst creating catchy hooks which will get you singing along, even if you don’t really know what the words mean (highly recommend looking them up though). Baker Boy is a huge talent for the next generation and hopefully we hear more Indigenous hip hop following his success.

4. Boys will be Boys - Stella Donnelly (AUS)

This song is a tough listen, and even harder to write about. Stella Donnelly’s song detailing the experience of her friend’s experience after being raped, including the victim blaming by friends and family of the rapist, is hard to hear, especially when it’s described in such an honest and detailed manner. It’s a song that needs to be written though, with it’s message as relevant as ever with protests like the ‘#metoo’ campaign bringing light to rape culture and victim blaming/shaming. It’s a beautiful song as well, with Donnelly’s voice perfectly blending with the gorgeous guitar accompaniment.

3. Exactly How You Are - Ball Park Music (AUS)

Ball Park Music were relatively quiet for most of 2017, but they released two great indie tunes in the second half, the best being Exactly How You Are. A gorgeous love song which is as beautiful as it is simple sounds like an early Beatles or Beach Boys song, as Jen and Sam’s voices harmonise perfectly together in the chorus. Be prepared for an album by the band in 2018, with second single The Perfect Life Does Not Exist also being a great song

2. Watch Me Ready You - Odette (Aus)

Some songs take a couple of listens to really sink in, but some hit you immediately. Watch Me Read You fits in that second category. I remember my first experience with this song, straight away being entranced by the lyrical work on display. Odette’s delivery is both beautiful and sinister, with a beat-poetry-like vocal performance in the verses bringing light to the stories within the lyrics. She also shows she can belt out a chorus, with the hook highlighting her impressive vocal range. This is one of those songs which stays with you but continues to surprise when you listen. Hopefully we hear more of this later on in Odette’s career.

1. What Can I Do if the Fire Goes Out - Gang of Youths (AUS)

My number one mid-year still hasn’t changed. Although released early in the year, Gang of Youth’s lead single off their acclaimed album Go Farther in Lightness still hits me hard with every listen. From the ferocious drumming, the beautiful guitar riffs and the powerful voice of David Le’aupepe, WCIDFTFGO is a massive song. With lyrics which question one’s beliefs and faith when things go wrong, it’s a deeply personal but relatable song. It’s quite ironic that this year’s number one is about the loss of faith, whilst last year’s number one (Kanye West’s Ultralight Beam) was celebrating faith. This is a powerful track though, with its highlight being the gorgeous yet intense guitar breakdown just before the final chorus. 2017 was Gang of Youth’s year, with many tracks off their album going close to taking out my number one. This single though still reigns as the strongest track though and will definitely be a Hottest 100 top 20 (and maybe 10) contender, along with other hits like Let Me Down Easy and The Deepest Sighs, The Frankest Shadows.

Well that’s 2017 done. I will definitely be doing a review of Gizzard’s last album of 2017 this week sometime (I promise) and will try to have a look at N.E.R.D’s latest album as well as hopefully seeing films like All the Money in the World and Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri and reviewing both of those, as they are highly anticipated films for myself. Have a good New Year and thanks for the support. It’s been hard to keep consistent with this blog this year but next year should be a lot easier and I will try to review both films and music on a weekly basis (might be harder some weeks but we will see). Thanks.

[bigyack-com]

Someone Tried to Hack My Phone. Technology Researchers Accused Saudi Arabia.

Times Insider explains who we are and what we do, and delivers behind-the-scenes insights into how our journalism comes together.BEIRUT, Lebanon — On June 21, 2018, I received an Arabic text message on my cellphone that read: “Ben Hubbard and the story of the Saudi royal family,” with a link for a website, arabnews365.com.I had been writing extensively about Saudi Arabia, including its royal family, and at first glance the link appeared to be a Saudi news story about my coverage — a subject that would normally grab my attention.But it also struck me as fishy, so I refrained from clicking and decided to investigate. That led me to the booming market among governments for hacking technologies and a lesson in how easily the most intimate information on our phones — chats, contacts, passwords and photos — could become a target.This type of hacking grabbed headlines last week in connection with a forensic report commissioned by Jeff Bezos, the owner of The Washington Post, that asserted with “medium to high confidence” that Mr. Bezos’ phone had been hacked after he received an encrypted video via WhatsApp from Mohammed bin Salman, the crown prince of Saudi Arabia.Other technology researchers have questioned the report’s conclusions, but two United Nations experts gave it their stamp of approval, saying that the hack aimed to “influence, if not silence” The Post’s critical coverage of the kingdom.The attempt on my phone, a month after the reported hack of Mr. Bezos, was less dramatic, but no less scary in its implications. An examination of my phone turned up no indications that it had been compromised, but technology researchers who inspected the message I received concluded that I was targeted with powerful software sold by NSO Group, an Israeli company, and deployed by hackers working for Saudi Arabia.A spokesman for the Saudi Embassy in Washington did not respond to requests for comment.When asked if its products had been used to target my phone, a spokesman for NSO Group said in a statement that it was “entirely deceptive” to suggest that its technology was responsible for all such phone hacking attempts, since other companies offered similar tools.The researchers, at Citizen Lab at the University of Toronto’s Munk School, have in recent years identified 36 operators that have used NSO Group’s technology on hundreds of targets in 45 countries. These targets include four people whom the researchers were able to identify by name and could confirm were hacked by operators that appeared to be working for Saudi Arabia.I was the fifth — and the first case the group had found of the technology being used against an American journalist.As people have begun carrying more and more of their personal and professional lives on their phones, an industry has sprung up to sell tools to get that information. Many of the companies that sell the technology say they market only to governments for use in law enforcement and antiterrorism operations.But critics, like the Citizen Lab researchers, say the lack of regulation of such technologies allows the companies’ often authoritarian customers to use the software against dissidents, activists, journalists and others.The attempt on my phone came after I had covered Saudi Arabia for five years, most recently with a focus on Prince Mohammed, who had rocketed to power after his father became king in 2015.Prince Mohammed was a lightning rod. His backers praised him for weakening the kingdom’s once-feared religious police, vowing to diversify the economy away from oil and lifting restrictions on women, while critics took him to task for cracking down on dissidents, coercing the resignation of Lebanon’s prime minister and locking hundreds of princes and businessmen in the Riyadh Ritz-Carlton on accusations of corruption.I had written about all of those topics when my phone dinged one evening and I read the suspicious text message.To figure out if it was malware, I first searched the web for the headline in the message, and found that the article didn’t exist.Then I asked the editor of the real Arab News, an English-language newspaper in Saudi Arabia, if it used arabnews365.com.“It is not us,” he replied.The first tech security experts I consulted didn’t know what the message was but agreed it looked suspicious and warned me not to open the link. So I moved on, though I kept wondering what it was, who had sent it and why.I got a clue a few months later when Citizen Lab published a report about Omar Abdulaziz, a Saudi dissident in Canada whose phone had been hacked with a text message similar to the one I had received.Mr. Abdulaziz had political asylum in Canada and was well known in Saudi Arabia for criticizing its leaders on social media. He was also friends with Jamal Khashoggi, the dissident Saudi writer and Washington Post columnist who was killed and dismembered by Saudi agents in Istanbul in October 2018.The report on Mr. Abdulaziz contained a table with domain names used by an operator that the researchers had determined was linked to Saudi Arabia. It included arabnews365.com.I sent the message to Citizen Lab, whose researchers drew two conclusions.First, since they had previously obtained a copy of NSO Group’s software, they were able to use it to scan the internet for connected servers and compile lists of web domains being used by various operators, including 20 that had pursued targets related to Saudi Arabia. One of these domains was arabnews365.com.“We know for certain that the domain that was in the text was part of that command and control infrastructure that is connected to NSO Group,” said Ron Deibert, the director of Citizen Lab.But determining who had used the software to send the message was harder, he said, and relied on circumstantial evidence.“They don’t leave business cards when they do this kind of thing,” Mr. Deibert said. “This is something that is designed precisely to avoid detection.”Citizen Lab concluded that this operator was connected to Saudi Arabia through a combination of the web addresses it used — some of which employed language that pointed to Saudi Arabia — and who its known targets were, said Bill Marczak, a Citizen Lab senior researcher.So far, Citizen Lab has identified five people who were targeted by this operator. All five were targeted in May and June of 2018, and were involved in activities related to Saudi Arabia: Yahya Asiri, the head of a Saudi human rights organization based in Britain; an unnamed researcher for Amnesty International; Ghanem al-Masarir, a Saudi dissident with a sarcastic YouTube show; Mr. Abdulaziz, the Saudi dissident in Canada; and me.“If the proposition is that one operator tried to hack all these people, what do they have in common?” Mr. Marczak asked. “The Saudi angle is it. There is really nothing else.”Although the reported hacking of Mr. Bezos’ phone happened during this same period, it used a different technology: an encrypted video sent by WhatsApp, not a web address sent by SMS.In his statement, the spokesman for NSO Group said it licensed its technology to law enforcement and intelligence agencies “under strict protocols and governance for proportionate operation for the sole purpose of preventing and investigating terror and crime.”“Where misuse is alleged to have occurred, we have and will take action to investigate and suspend the capabilities,” the statement concluded.Human Rights experts and campaigners argue that hacking technologies have become so powerful that governmental regulation is necessary to make sure they are being used ethically.“We are facing a technology that is very difficult to track, extremely powerful and effective, and completely unregulated,” said Agnes Callamard, the United Nations special rapporteur on summary executions and extrajudicial killings, after the reported hack of Mr. Bezos’ phone. “That to me is unbelievable, that we have a technology that we absolutely cannot control or trace.”She added that Mr. Bezos’ case should sound alarms because it took experts hired by one of the world’s richest men months to investigate what happened — a luxury most people don’t have. “It basically means that we are all extremely vulnerable,” Ms. Callamard said. Read the full article

[fightforwhatubelievein]

So Many Questions

Rules: answer all questions (that you can), add one question of your own and then tag as many people as there are questions 

………..

I was tagged by @thetruthofyourdespair thank you :3

………..

1. coke or pepsi: I don’t really drink fizzy drinks but I guess I’d go with coke

2. disney or dreamworks: I love both so much but I feel like a certain friend that works for Disney would disown me if I don’t choose Disney XD

3. coffee or tea: I don’t drink either cause I’m weird 

4. books or movies: I love both too much you can’t make me choose 

5. windows or mac: Windows

6. dc or marvel: Marvel

7. x-box or playstation: I grew up with Nintendo to be honest though I just love video games in general

8. dragon age or mass effect: I’m gonna have to say Mass Effect since I’ve never played the other one

9. night owl or early riser: Constantly exhausted pigeon (this should always be an option XD) 

10. Cards or chess: Cards

11. chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate

12. vans or converse: Converse

13. avellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: Context please?

14. fluff or angst: Why not angst followed by fluff when the OTP comforts and takes care of each other because that just gets to me every time XD

15. beach or forest: I love forests so much they’re so beautiful and peaceful

16. dogs or cats: I love both but dogs are so cute and fluffy they make me happy 

17. clear skies or rain: Clear sky because they’re so rare in Ireland XD

18. cooking or eating out: Eating out because I should not be allowed anywhere near an oven

19. spicy food or mild food: I like both but I prefer mild

20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: My family have never made much of a big deal about either of these but I guess I prefer Christmas because I like all the cute lights everywhere :3

21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: I can’t stand being too warm so I’d rather be a little too cold and just wear cozy jumpers and wrap myself up in a blanket burrito

22. if you could have a superpower, what would it be: This is such a tough question..... Maybe shape shifting or talking to animals

23. animation or live action: Animation

24. paragon or renegade: I think some of these questions need to come with explanations 

25. baths or showers: Showers

26. team cap or team ironman: Captain America because he is the precious dorito

27. fantasy or sci-fi: ...... Both

28. do you have three or four favorite quotes, if so what are they: (not in order)

I have way too many, but here’s the first ones that came to mind: * “900 years of time and space and I’ve never met anyone that wasn’t important”- Doctor Who * “A lesson without pain is meaningless, you cannot gain something without sacrificing something else in return”- FMA * “Love/Life/Death doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints”- Hamilton (Musical) (I’m thinking of getting a tattoo of this one) * “If there’s a wall in our way, then we smash it down. If there isn’t a path, then we carve one ourselves”- Gurren Lagann

29. youtube or netflix: Netflix

30. harry potter or percy jackson: Harry Potter (one of my first fandoms)

31. when you feel accomplished: *system error please try again later*

32. star wars or star trek: I haven’t really watched either to be honest

33. paperback books or hardback books: I just love books in general but I probably prefer hardbacks

34. to live in a world without literature or without music?: I would not survive in either world

35. who was the last person to make you laugh?: My friends who are the funniest people I’ve ever met

36. sour or sweet candy: Sweet (I can’t stand sour)

37. dawn or dusk: Dusk because sunsets are pretty and the only time I’m up early enough for dawn is when I’ve been up all night and am too tired to appreciate it

38. piercings or tattoos: I love both I already have several piercings and I’m planning on getting tattoos soon

39. girls? HOT?????: Hell yeah girls are hot and I’m just like please teach me your ways XD

40. snow or fog: Snow

41. do you sleep facing the wall or the room? I tend to twist and turn a lot but I’d say I face the room most the time

42. TRC or AFTG: What even is this?

43. horror or drama: Drama I guess though I will occasionally decide it’s a good plan to watch a horror at 3am when I’m home alone

44. ocarina of time or majora’s mask?: I love Legend of Zelda but I haven’t played these games in years so I guess I’ll go with ocarina of time since it’s less traumatic XD

45. would you rather live in an area of more nature or city?: I’d love to live surrounded by nature (though spending summers at my aunt and uncles house in the middle of no where has taught me that in can frustrating living far away from everything)

46. what’s your addiction right now?: Manga because I’ve read 4 different series in the past week instead of doing college work

47. what languages can you speak?: English..... that’s it I’m terrible at learning languages. I was studying Irish for majority of my life and I can’t even hold a simple conversation

48. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?: I’ve never left my own country but probably Holland, France or Japan

49. sun or moon?: Is it sad that I questioned whether this is about Pokemon or the actual orbs in space? Either way I’ll say moon

50. potato bread or banana bread?: Potato bread is a thing???? Why have I never been informed about this??

51. are horses good?: Hell yes

52. Edward Elric or Alphonse Elric?: Why would you want to make me choose between my children??? I’m gonna have to say Alphonse because I just want to hug him and protect him from the world

53. Logan or Deadpool?: Deadpool is one of my favourite characters ever and he is my spirit animal

54. Pokémon or Digimon?: These were both such huge parts of my childhood but I guess I’ll have to choose Pokemon

55. One-shots or lengthy fics? I tend to write one-shots but you can’t beat reading a well written lengthy fic

I tag: @sassy-popcorn @probingewatcher789 @roxanlynch @yatoriislife @baudleaires

[tanista]

...And that's that, save for final editing tweaks here and there.

Over 240,000 words, 36 chapters, 26 months start to finish.

I did it.

Wow.

I'm feeling kinda giddy. Or maybe I just need lunch.

(What follows is essentially the Author's Afterward in the next chapter from the posted story, but the sentiment still applies here.)

To the readers who have made it this far you have my most sincere thanks for indulging me in this OC-inclusive, canon-divergent, three-way crossover AU. This has truly been a labor of love, for the fantastic shows and their inspiring settings and characters that have been a part of my life for so long, as well as the entire sci-fi genre, both literary and on screen. The best thing about the Stargate fandom is the extensive scope of the series, and how it can allow for so many different approaches in an entertaining mashup of ancient mythology and science fiction, served with intelligence, humor, and heart. I hope that I've been able to convey some of that in my own fashion and allowed it to lighten your own lives.

Have you ever had inspiration come to you in a dream? The idea for the whole story's been in my mind as bits and pieces for the past twenty years (!!) and I'm glad I finally had the time, drive and wherewithal to start translating the images in my mind into words. And that I felt free enough to go as big and epic as it played out in my imagination. I'm also glad it's taken me this long to do so, since I'm not sure I would've been able to write the same story without the maturity and added experience that comes from just plain living.

To be honest I never expected my modest AU would turn out to be so big a project. The story's been my lifeline to sanity in these very trying times for our world, as I suspect writing and reading fanfic has been for you, dear readers. Long live fan fiction and all who enjoy it!

This is the end of this story, but not of the AU. There's plenty of room for more adventures, multichapters, one-shots and vignettes alike. And not only by myself.

I'm opening it up to anyone who wishes to play in my sandbox if inspired. Additions, remixes or creations of any kind are welcome, so long as due credit is given. Have fun, give a nod in my direction (or an "Inspired by" link on AO3), and please let me know in the comments there what you've done. Any point in the timeline listed is fair game so feel free to expand upon anything- John and Rodney's relationship in Alpha Base and Atlantis, Sam and Jack's or Mac and Janet's- even future fics are welcome featuring the next generation(s). In fact, any of my original characters listed in Ch. 2 of Timeline and Who's Who in Ad Astra and original concepts in A Linguist's Guide to New Earth can be used, with credit of course. Or add your own, the more the merrier as far as I'm concerned!

If there's interest I'll create a collection on AO3 called Stargate: The New Earth Chronicles and open it to any rating or pairing- or crossover, if you think it can fit. All I ask is to keep it in the same optimistic spirit of soft apocalypse with a glimmer of hope, because now more than ever we need those happy endings.

Okay, time for me to give credit where it's rightfully due.

None of this would've come to pass in the first place if not for a certain actor and the two leading roles he portrayed so brilliantly. So thanks first and foremost to Richard Dean Anderson for introducing me to the original Angus MacGyver and later on Jack (Two L's) O'Neill, sides of the same coin as far as I'm concerned. The inspiration for my OC Rebecca Grahme came out of a desire to give both of them more family, and a concrete reason for doing what they do.

Thanks also to Michael Shanks for his version of Daniel Jackson, the first character on TV I could truly relate to, and proof that even glasses-wearing geeks (like myself) can be heroes. Indeed (to quote Teal'c) my admiration for everyone in both series- cast and crew alike- knows no bounds, for bringing to life a truly epic universe and giving it heart and wit, adventure and excitement. They are the reason why I'm still a fan after all these years.

I carry a warm fondness in my heart for the original MacGyver and the invaluable lessons he taught me about applied nonviolence, seeking creative solutions to problems and the willingness to do the right thing and stand up for others in the face of overwhelming odds. Those are values I still admire and try to emulate even today.

Many thanks goes to Sourlander and her excellent Loyalties series, for letting me incorporate Dr. Alex Lorne and her children Nora, Grace and Caleb into my 'verse. More adventures with Evan and Alex and family are welcome from you anytime.

As stated earlier this epic story is a love letter to the sci-fi genre I've been reading all my life, which taught me to think big when it comes to worldbuilding. Story inspiration comes from far and wide, particularly tales of space colonies both failed and successful, accidental and planned: Marion Zimmer Bradley's Darkover Landfall, Anne McCaffrey's Dragonsdawn, Jack L. Chalker's The Birth of Flux & Anchor, and the anthology Star Colonies (Martin H. Greenburg and John Heffers, eds.). Ursula LeGuin's Ekumen in her Hainish Cycle series is the model for the Stargate Commonwealth. Other elements come from the Cyteen trilogy by C.J. Cherryh (council government) and the alternate history anthologies What Might Have Been Vol. I & II, edited by Gregory Benford and Martin H. Greenburg (Ascended Daniel and Oma Desala's discussion).

Inspiration for elements of Atlantis Colony in particular comes from some incredible SGA fanworks on AO3: Speranza's Written by the Victors, LtLJ's Retrograde and Retrograde Extras series, ArwenLune's Rock Happy 'verse and Atlantis Program for Essential Skills Training, Three Fates by auburn and eretria, Wild Card by GillianInOz, Domenika Marzione (domarzione)'s version of Atlantis with its extensive cast of OCs, and The Body Holographic by Leah (Taste_is_Sweet) and springwoof. All are absolutely fabulous and mind-blowing, I cannot recommend them enough.

Once again my profound thanks to you, dear readers, for taking a chance on this modest AU. I hope you enjoy reading this story as much as I did writing it. Feedback is greatly appreciated, and will always be. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Peace to you all. May we treat each other kindly and with respect, and strive together to create a better future for everyone's sake.

Take care,

Tanista

April 2019-June 2021

[charllieeldridge]

Teach English Online To Japanese Students (5 Best Companies)

One of my favorite things about teaching is meeting students from all over the world! While many online English companies cater to the Chinese market, this post will take a look at some of the best companies to teach English online to Japanese students.

In my three years of online teaching experience, I’ve mostly worked with students from China. That said, working with students from a variety of countries is a fun way to learn about different cultures and meet interesting people from around the world! 

In Japan, the online language education market is booming. If you’d like to teach English online to Japanese students, these 5 companies are a great place to start. 

1. English Everywhere

If you want to become an English teacher for Japanese students, English Everywhere might be a great fit for you.

This platform allows teachers to be fully in control of their hours and schedule. They offer a 100% online experience, so you can enjoy the perks of remote work while making money. 

Students on the English Everywhere platform come from a variety of backgrounds. Some want business English lessons and others want casual conversation practice. It is up to the teacher to create lesson plans that suit the needs of each particular student. 

Teacher Requirements

To teach English online to Japanese students with English Everywhere, you must have the following:

TEFL certification

Some experience teaching English as a second language. 

You can teach with English Everywhere without having a Bachelor’s Degree. 

Teachers are required to use Skype for lessons so you should be comfortable with this platform. Also, teachers must be able to respond to emails from English Everywhere within 36 hours of receiving them in order to remain in good standing. 

Payment Information

For your first ten classes with English Everywhere, you’ll be paid 800 Yen ($7.50) per 30-minute class. After you’ve successfully taught 10 classes, your payment will be increased to 900 Yen ($8.50) per class. 

Payment is sent once a month via Paypal. Teachers must have a Paypal account to receive payment. 

Hours

One perk of English Everywhere is that teachers can set their own schedules and have schedule flexibility. When you fill out the application form, you’ll be able to say which days and times you’re free for bookings. 

If a certain day or time doesn’t work for you, you can leave it blank and students won’t be able to book you.

You can update your availability schedule any time to open or close time slots. Students can only request classes during the times you’re available. 

How To Sign Up

To get started, head to this link and you’ll see a large button to begin the application process. 

Select this button and you’ll be taken to a detailed contract and conditions page. Review the information and make sure you understand the company policies. Once you have read through the contract, select “I Accept” to move forward. 

Next, you’ll be taken to an application page. Fill in all the required information. In addition to logistical information like your preferred hours and contact information, you’ll need to share your motivations for becoming a teacher as well as information about your teaching style. 

You’ll be able to select your availability on this application form too. Once the form is filled out, you’ll submit it to English Everywhere. If you’re approved, you’ll have an interview with English Everywhere and you’ll teach a sample lesson to a current student. 

If your interviews are successful, you’ll be added to the system as a teacher.

FIND OUT MORE AND SIGN UP WITH ENGLISH EVERYWHERE

2. Cena English 

With Cena English (Cena Academy), native speakers from the USA can teach private English lessons online to Japanese students. 

Cena English is unique because the company acts more as a matchmaker. They help English teachers find students, but after that, most logistics are handled by the student and teacher independently. 

Teachers and students choose a time for lessons and students pay their teachers directly after the lesson has been taught.

It seems like teachers are responsible for providing their own materials since there is no mention of provided lesson plans on the website. 

For this reason, Cena English is probably a good choice for a more independent teacher who wants lots of flexibility. 

Teacher Requirements

In order to teach English online to Japanese students with Cena English, you must be meet the following requirements:

Be a native English speaker from the United States.

Teachers must have a Bachelor’s degree or higher.

You must have a TEFL certification. 

Experience teaching is preferred but not required. Teachers must be comfortable holding classes over Skype and will use the software “Audacity” to record their lessons to provide playback for students. 

Teachers also need to have more than 1.5 Mbps upload and download speed on their device for smooth teaching. 

Payment Information

There are three types of lessons on Cena English: trial lessons, regular lessons, and interviews. 

Trial Lessons are 25 minutes long and the pay is $11 USD

Regular Lessons are 50 minutes long and the pay is $22 USD

Interviews are scheduled by existing Cena English students who want a new teacher and these are not paid. 

Cena English is unique in how they handle payments. From what I can tell, the students are responsible for paying their teachers directly through Paypal. 

The upside of this is that teachers get their full lesson fee delivered to them quickly without having to wait for the company to process payment.

The downside is that it is unclear how payment disputes or delays are handled since it’s done between the student and the teacher directly. 

According to their website, Paypal is the only way to receive payment at this time.

Hours

Teachers must be able to offer classes at times that work for their students in Japan. This means that you should have some availability during the Japanese daytime and evening time slots

Because students and their teachers arrange classes on a one-on-one basis, it seems like you could plan classes whenever it worked for you and your student. 

How To Sign Up

To sign up, visit the Cena English website. It will default to Japanese, but if you select the “home” Cena button in the top menu, you’ll find a drop-down menu to change the language. 

After you’ve changed the language to English, in the drop-down menu, you’ll see a button that says “Recruit.” Clicking that button will take you to the teacher application instructions. 

On this page, you’ll see all the information they want you to provide to sign up, including your qualifications, internet speed, and time zone. They will also tell you what technology you need to have and explain some basic Cena procedures. 

Once you’re familiar with their requirements, you’ll send all the requested information to the email address listed on the registration page. Someone will follow up with you about your application as soon as possible. 

FIND OUT MORE AND SIGN UP WITH CENA ACADEMY

☞ SEE ALSO: Guide to Finding English Teaching Jobs in Japan

3. CafeTalk

CafeTalk is an online learning platform where teachers from around the world can teach any subject they’re passionate about. Students can come from all over, but the majority are from Japan and Korea. 

On CafeTalk, teachers can let their creativity shine in their lessons!

You can teach a language or another topic like yoga, cooking, dance, or music. Teachers will need to prepare their own lesson plans, but those looking for flexible teaching options should check them out.

Teacher Requirements

Because CafeTalk offers lessons in a variety of subjects, there isn’t a uniform set of requirements for teachers. Tutors must be able to teach using the Skype platform and have to use a computer or tablet. 

Payment Information

CafeTalk teachers set their own pay rate for lessons. When you’re first starting out, CafeTalk keeps 40% of this lesson fee.

The more lessons you teach on the platform, the lower this percentage goes. For experienced teachers, CafeTalk might keep as low as 15% – 20%. 

Teachers are paid monthly via Paypal or Payoneer. 

Hours

On CafeTalk, you get to set your own hours and there are no minimum or maximum teaching requirements. Since students might be located all over the world, you can set your classtimes whenever you want. 

However, if you’re focusing on teaching students in Japan, make sure you offer classes at times that work in the Japanese time zone. 

How To Sign Up

To join CafeTalk, go to the “Become a Tutor” page. Scroll down until you see the button to apply for a free account. 

Next, you’ll fill out your teacher profile and say which subjects you’d like to teach. You’ll complete an interview and if you pass, you’ll be able to list classes for students to book. 

FIND OUT MORE AND SIGN UP WITH CAFE TALK

4. S-Lessons

With S-Lessons, you can become an English teacher for Japanese children. Classes on S-Lessons are 25 minutes long and there are two class types available: Regular Courses and Leave It To The Teacher courses. 

“Regular courses” have a curriculum provided. “Leave it to the teacher courses” require that the teacher prepares the lesson. 

Classes are all taught remotely over Skype. 

Teacher Requirements

To teach with S-Lessons, you must have at least one year of experience teaching English. A degree and a TEFL Certification are not required for this platform, but they could help your application if you have them.

Payment Information

With S-Lessons, you can set your own pay rate per class. The S-Lessons platform keeps 30% of your lesson fee as their commission. 

Hours

There are no minimum or maximum teaching hours with S-Lessons listed on their website. Teachers can set their own hours and should be mindful of what times might be in demand for students in Japan. 

How To Sign Up

To sign up, fill out a written application and send your resume to S-Lessons. Next, you will conduct a Skype interview to learn more about the program. After, you will teach a sample lesson to an S-Lessons staff member. 

Once you’ve been approved, you’ll be able to open up your schedule and receive student bookings. S-Lessons will send you an email when a student books your class so you can coordinate via Skype. 

FIND OUT MORE AND SIGN UP WITH S-LESSONS

5. Lyngo

Lyngo is looking for native English and native Japanese teachers who want to conduct lessons online. In general, Lyngo has good teacher reviews across the web. They strive to make learning a new language fun and interesting. 

Lyngo provides all lesson materials and plans, so you don’t have to reinvent the wheel when it comes to teaching. They also offer training so you feel more confident before your first class. 

Teacher Requirements

In order to teach Japanese students English online with Lyngo, you must be a native English speaker or a native Japanese speaker. Training is provided so they do not require any certifications or additional experience. (But if you have them, great!)

Classes are taught on Skype so teachers should be comfortable with that platform. Also, all teachers should have high-speed internet, a webcam, and a headset with a microphone attachment. 

Payment Information

Teachers can earn 900-1500 Yen ($8.50 – $14.25) per hour. The exact amount depends on what type of class it is and if the company is offering any bonuses at that time. Teachers are paid via Paypal. 

Hours

You can teach on Lyngo from 5:00 am until 1:30 pm Japanese Standard Time. There is a higher demand for classes in the evening hours, Japan time. 

Most teachers work between 6 and 40 hours per week. 

How To Sign Up

To apply, go to the Lyngo website and click “Join Us” in the top menu. This will take you to a page with job information and the teacher requirements. You can apply by clicking the “Apply” button on that page.

You’ll also need to submit your resume and a recent photo.

FIND OUT MORE AND SIGN UP WITH LYNGO

Tips For Teaching English Online to Japanese Students

You may find that some of these online Japanese English teaching jobs are full, or aren’t currently hiring. This happens in the online teaching world from time to time.

It just means that they are looking for more students before hiring more teachers. If you find one company isn’t hiring, move on to the next — and circle back to the first company in a few weeks.

To better your odds of getting hired, make sure to have as many qualifications as possible to give yourself a leg up on the competition. Find the top 7 TEFL courses in our article, here. 

Before you pursue an online teaching job, make sure you have the basic internet and technology requirements covered.

Most online teaching jobs for Japanese students require you to teach from a laptop or desktop computer, but some allow you to teach from a smartphone or tablet. 

If possible, use a wired internet connection for faster speeds while teaching. If you’re teaching from WiFi, look for speeds of at least 10mbps if possible. 

Using a headset with a microphone attachment will give your classroom better audio quality. You also want to make sure you’re teaching from a quiet room with good lighting to give your students the best possible experience. 

When teaching, make sure to stay true to yourself and have fun! If you’re naturally more bubbly and energetic, bring that spark to your online classroom. If you are more serious by nature, you can offer a warm, calm, and studious experience for students. 

Approaching each lesson with positivity, no matter your teaching style, will make your students feel valued and help you shine as a teacher. 

The lead image in this article is courtesy of Shutterstock.com.

The post Teach English Online To Japanese Students (5 Best Companies) appeared first on Goats On The Road.

Teach English Online To Japanese Students (5 Best Companies) published first on https://travelaspire.weebly.com/

[mastcomm]

Someone Tried to Hack My Phone. Technology Researchers Accused Saudi Arabia.

Times Insider explains who we are and what we do, and delivers behind-the-scenes insights into how our journalism comes together.

BEIRUT, Lebanon — On June 21, 2018, I received an Arabic text message on my cellphone that read: “Ben Hubbard and the story of the Saudi royal family,” with a link for a website, arabnews365.com.

I had been writing extensively about Saudi Arabia, including its royal family, and at first glance the link appeared to be a Saudi news story about my coverage — a subject that would normally grab my attention.

But it also struck me as fishy, so I refrained from clicking and decided to investigate. That led me to the booming market among governments for hacking technologies and a lesson in how easily the most intimate information on our phones — chats, contacts, passwords and photos — could become a target.

This type of hacking grabbed headlines last week in connection with a forensic report commissioned by Jeff Bezos, the owner of The Washington Post, that asserted with “medium to high confidence” that Mr. Bezos’ phone had been hacked after he received an encrypted video via WhatsApp from Mohammed bin Salman, the crown prince of Saudi Arabia.

Other technology researchers have questioned the report’s conclusions, but two United Nations experts gave it their stamp of approval, saying that the hack aimed to “influence, if not silence” The Post’s critical coverage of the kingdom.

The attempt on my phone, a month after the reported hack of Mr. Bezos, was less dramatic, but no less scary in its implications. An examination of my phone turned up no indications that it had been compromised, but technology researchers who inspected the message I received concluded that I was targeted with powerful software sold by NSO Group, an Israeli company, and deployed by hackers working for Saudi Arabia.

A spokesman for the Saudi Embassy in Washington did not respond to requests for comment.

When asked if its products had been used to target my phone, a spokesman for NSO Group said in a statement that it was “entirely deceptive” to suggest that its technology was responsible for all such phone hacking attempts, since other companies offered similar tools.

The researchers, at Citizen Lab at the University of Toronto’s Munk School, have in recent years identified 36 operators that have used NSO Group’s technology on hundreds of targets in 45 countries. These targets include four people whom the researchers were able to identify by name and could confirm were hacked by operators that appeared to be working for Saudi Arabia.

I was the fifth — and the first case the group had found of the technology being used against an American journalist.

As people have begun carrying more and more of their personal and professional lives on their phones, an industry has sprung up to sell tools to get that information. Many of the companies that sell the technology say they market only to governments for use in law enforcement and antiterrorism operations.

But critics, like the Citizen Lab researchers, say the lack of regulation of such technologies allows the companies’ often authoritarian customers to use the software against dissidents, activists, journalists and others.

The attempt on my phone came after I had covered Saudi Arabia for five years, most recently with a focus on Prince Mohammed, who had rocketed to power after his father became king in 2015.

Prince Mohammed was a lightning rod. His backers praised him for weakening the kingdom’s once-feared religious police, vowing to diversify the economy away from oil and lifting restrictions on women, while critics took him to task for cracking down on dissidents, coercing the resignation of Lebanon’s prime minister and locking hundreds of princes and businessmen in the Riyadh Ritz-Carlton on accusations of corruption.

I had written about all of those topics when my phone dinged one evening and I read the suspicious text message.

To figure out if it was malware, I first searched the web for the headline in the message, and found that the article didn’t exist.

Then I asked the editor of the real Arab News, an English-language newspaper in Saudi Arabia, if it used arabnews365.com.

“It is not us,” he replied.

The first tech security experts I consulted didn’t know what the message was but agreed it looked suspicious and warned me not to open the link. So I moved on, though I kept wondering what it was, who had sent it and why.

I got a clue a few months later when Citizen Lab published a report about Omar Abdulaziz, a Saudi dissident in Canada whose phone had been hacked with a text message similar to the one I had received.

Mr. Abdulaziz had political asylum in Canada and was well known in Saudi Arabia for criticizing its leaders on social media. He was also friends with Jamal Khashoggi, the dissident Saudi writer and Washington Post columnist who was killed and dismembered by Saudi agents in Istanbul in October 2018.

The report on Mr. Abdulaziz contained a table with domain names used by an operator that the researchers had determined was linked to Saudi Arabia. It included arabnews365.com.

I sent the message to Citizen Lab, whose researchers drew two conclusions.

First, since they had previously obtained a copy of NSO Group’s software, they were able to use it to scan the internet for connected servers and compile lists of web domains being used by various operators, including 20 that had pursued targets related to Saudi Arabia. One of these domains was arabnews365.com.

“We know for certain that the domain that was in the text was part of that command and control infrastructure that is connected to NSO Group,” said Ron Deibert, the director of Citizen Lab.

But determining who had used the software to send the message was harder, he said, and relied on circumstantial evidence.

“They don’t leave business cards when they do this kind of thing,” Mr. Deibert said. “This is something that is designed precisely to avoid detection.”

Citizen Lab concluded that this operator was connected to Saudi Arabia through a combination of the web addresses it used — some of which employed language that pointed to Saudi Arabia — and who its known targets were, said Bill Marczak, a Citizen Lab senior researcher.

So far, Citizen Lab has identified five people who were targeted by this operator. All five were targeted in May and June of 2018, and were involved in activities related to Saudi Arabia: Yahya Asiri, the head of a Saudi human rights organization based in Britain; an unnamed researcher for Amnesty International; Ghanem al-Masarir, a Saudi dissident with a sarcastic YouTube show; Mr. Abdulaziz, the Saudi dissident in Canada; and me.

“If the proposition is that one operator tried to hack all these people, what do they have in common?” Mr. Marczak asked. “The Saudi angle is it. There is really nothing else.”

Although the reported hacking of Mr. Bezos’ phone happened during this same period, it used a different technology: an encrypted video sent by WhatsApp, not a web address sent by SMS.

In his statement, the spokesman for NSO Group said it licensed its technology to law enforcement and intelligence agencies “under strict protocols and governance for proportionate operation for the sole purpose of preventing and investigating terror and crime.”

“Where misuse is alleged to have occurred, we have and will take action to investigate and suspend the capabilities,” the statement concluded.

Human Rights experts and campaigners argue that hacking technologies have become so powerful that governmental regulation is necessary to make sure they are being used ethically.

“We are facing a technology that is very difficult to track, extremely powerful and effective, and completely unregulated,” said Agnes Callamard, the United Nations special rapporteur on summary executions and extrajudicial killings, after the reported hack of Mr. Bezos’ phone. “That to me is unbelievable, that we have a technology that we absolutely cannot control or trace.”

She added that Mr. Bezos’ case should sound alarms because it took experts hired by one of the world’s richest men months to investigate what happened — a luxury most people don’t have. “It basically means that we are all extremely vulnerable,” Ms. Callamard said.

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Everything I Learnt Backpacking Bolivia in Three Months – A Traveller’s Guide 

I spent an unforgettable three months backpacking Bolivia.

Bolivia is one of the cheapest countries in South America for backpackers – particularly compared to its neighbours in Chile and Argentina. Many visitors travel Bolivia for the Salt Flat deserts, the witches markets in the breathlessly high city of La Paz, and the mysterious Lake Titicaca – the world’s highest navigable lake.

But there’s so much more to see in Bolivia.

I chose to spend three months backpacking Bolivia, and my Bolivia itinerary was scattered and circuitous. I volunteered in La Paz, fell in love in Sucre, drank local wine in Tarija and stepped inside dinosaur footprints in Parque Torotoro. I danced under the full moon beside Illimani mountain and lived in a tiny village without running water. I hugged llamas beside the highest lake in the world and slept within walls made of salt.

When I think back to the three months I spent backpacking Bolivia, it’s just as easy to remember tiny moments and details. Crisp blue skies. Brightly patterned textiles. Sunburnt cheeks. I remember chewing coca leaves to alleviate the light-headed sensation I felt in high altitude. I remember queuing for breakfast at Sucre’s Mercado Central each morning, squashing onto a plastic stool to eat papa rellena with a chipped spoon.

Whether I was travelling in cities, villages, canyons, deserts or worryingly rickety buses, I found Bolivia to be one of the most fascinating, frustrating, hilarious, eye-opening countries I’ve ever travelled through.

To put it simply, Bolivia is an incredible place.

Things to know about backpacking Bolivia

What’s the weather in Bolivia like?

Because much of Bolivia is at a high elevation, it’s hot in the fierce daytime sun and cold at night. That means plenty of suncream and plenty of layers! It’s also advised to carry a waterproof because the weather can turn pretty quickly.

What’s the best time of year to visit Bolivia?

Most recommend the dry winter season of May-October for travelling in Bolivia, as opposed to the rainy summer season of September-March.

I didn’t know this beforehand, so I was travelling in Bolivia between September and December; the tail end of the cooler months, transitioning into spring. That said, the altitude affects everything: September in La Paz (altitude of 3,640m) was warm in the bright sun but chilly in the shade. My next month in Sucre felt like constant springtime, despite being October, and the tail end of the year ranged from freezing (Potosi, at 4,067m) to balmy (Tarija at 1,866m).

Some destinations, like the Salar de Uyuni, can change drastically depending on the time of year. If you visit in March/April you’re most likely to catch the ‘mirror effect’, when high rainfall allows the Salt Flats to reflect the sky. However, that same rain also makes it harder to visit Fish Island. Most people visit the Salar de Uyuni between May and October – lots of sun, and not much rain.

What food can I eat in Bolivia?

For a country highly focused on grains and potatoes, I still really enjoyed the food in Bolivia – although if you’re vegetarian then it might require some research. That’s because, as in most of South America, meat is a staple part of most plates of Bolivian food, and asking for a meal without meat will often confuse people.

Here are some of my favourite typical Bolivian foods:

Salteñas – little hard pastry shells filled with meat, vegetables and gravy, which you can buy at the side of the road. The gravy inside has a tendency to spill everywhere, so the trick is to bite off the top then drink the gravy before eating the rest.

Papas rellenas – a ball of fried mashed potato with egg, meat or vegetables in the centre, topped with spicy onion and tomato sauce. Because it needs to be eaten from a bowl, papas rellenas is usually bought and eaten at a market, where you’ll squash onto a plastic stool amongst the other customers and hand back your bowl when you’ve finished.

Tucumanas – these deep-fried pastries are the larger version of a salteña. Make sure to ladle on the various sauces available at a street food stand – or enjoy them with a delicious side salad at Condor Cafe in Sucre!

Buñelos – this fried cheese snack is oily as anything but seriously delicious.

Pique macho – if you’re feeling the after-effects of the night before, you should opt for this hangover-worthy plateful of French-fry style chips and bitesize slices of steak, along with onions, hard-boiled eggs, mustard, mayo and ketchup.

You should also get used to eating an almuerzo each day: a set meal of two courses eaten at lunchtime, which usually includes a bowl of soup and a segundo of meat, vegetables and rice, along with a postre (dessert) and a glass of juice. The almuerzo is usually the cheapest thing on the menu as the working Bolivan day revolves around it: restaurants are packed between 12-3pm and it’s the best place to mix with plenty of local Bolivians.

Finally, markets are a way of life in Bolivia. If you spend more than a few days in any location I’d suggest frequenting your closest food market to do your food shopping and barter for some fresh produce. It’s a great way to practice your Spanish too!

Read more: eating traditional Bolivian food in Sucre

What’s the political climate in Bolivia like?

Generally speaking, most Bolivians are hospitable and friendly (although many aren’t the smile-on-first-meeting type). However, Bolivia itself is a very politicised country so protests, marches and blockades are pretty common. They’re usually peaceful – I spent a morning in La Paz chatting to nurses and medical staff who were out on the streets to protest for higher pay – but sometimes it can become more violent, involving tear gas from police and objects thrown by protestors.

Is Bolivia safe for backpackers travelling alone?

Bolivia is quite a poor country but isn’t particularly unsafe. You just have to keep your wits about you, trust your gut instincts, and take care of your valuables.

– Ask questions before paying for things. As tourism increases in Bolivia, there are more untrustworthy tour companies and guides – so ask plenty of questions before handing your money over.

– Watch out for scams. There are also a number of common scams in Bolivia including the ‘false police’ scam, which involves a policeman asking for your ID and then demanding payment of a fine. If you’re ever stopped by the police in Bolivia, demand to see a warrant and contact your Embassy.

– Don’t take drugs. As one of the world’s largest cocaine producing countries, Bolivia’s drug problem is ever-present. Travellers are often attracted to a legendary underground cocaine bar in La Paz called Route 36 (found by asking a taxi driver to drive you to its ever-changing location); however, backpackers in South America should be aware that being caught with cocaine in Bolivia could carry a sentence of up to ten years in San Pedro prison. This La Paz destination was made famous thanks to a memoir called Marching Powder which was written by a British inmate in 2011, and the book has prompted hundreds of tourists to queue up outside the prison and attempt to tour it.

Conversely, the laws surrounding hallucinogenic substances like ayahuasca and the San Pedro cactus are more blurred. Both substances can be seen for sale at the Witches Market in La Paz – but from personal experience, I’d recommend against buying them yourself, and only partaking in ceremonies with trusted shamans.

Read more: my all-night dancing experience with the San Pedro cactus

Do I need travel insurance for Bolivia?

Yes, absolutely! You should have comprehensive travel insurance when backpacking South America – or anywhere, for that matter. I usually use World Nomads as it’s designed for adventurous travellers.

Can I drink the water in Bolivia?

It’s definitely not a good idea to drink the tap water in Bolivia – stick to bottled, unless you’ve brought a filtration system you trust.

Do I need to speak Spanish in Bolivia?

Although it’s certainly possible to travel through Bolivia without any Spanish, there are significantly less English-speaking locals here than in other South American countries.

Luckily, Bolivia is also one of the best South American countries to learn Spanish, thanks to their clear and neutral accent, and it’s also one of the cheapest. Plenty of language schools offer individual or group classes: I spent a month taking daily one-on-one classes at Pico Verde in La Paz and improved from beginner to semi-fluent.

If you don’t have time for lessons, I’d still highly recommend using a phone app like DuoLinguo to practice on while you’re travelling in Bolivia, and at the very least try to have the basic greetings, numbers and simple conversational phrases written down somewhere.

I spent 18 months learning Spanish in South America –– read my ‘Spanish Challenge’ series here!

Travelling around Bolivia

What kind of transport can I take in Bolivia?

Travelling around Bolivia is almost exclusively via public bus. This can be both a blessing and a curse: the journeys are long but extremely cheap; the roads are stunningly scenic but full of potholes; the passengers and accompanying stories can be really fascinating, but often you’re worried that the drivers are drunk.

Apart from buses, there’s the option of private taxi hire, renting and driving your own car, or even taking the few train routes through the country. It’s also possible to fly between major cities to avoid the lengthly road distances – the bigger cities like La Paz, Sucre, Cochabamba and Santa Cruz are all connected by daily flights.

However, all of my Bolivian travels were by bus.

Bus routes and ticket prices in Bolivia:

La Paz to Sucre: 100 Bs for 10-12 hours, semi cama seat. This is usually an overnight journey, leaving 7pm and arriving 7am.

Sucre to Potosi: 15 Bs for 3 hours, normal seat, departing every hour.

Sucre to Tarija: 12 hours, costs 80 Bs, departs at 8pm and arrives 7am.

Potosi to Tarija: 80 Bs for 10 hours, semi cama seat, departing in the morning and evening.

Tarija to Tupiza: 80 Bs for 7 hours, semi cama seat. This overnight route is an infamously rough ride, so pack some anti-sickness pills.

Tupiza to Villazon (Argentinian border): 20 Bs for 2 hours, normal seat.

Uyuni to Potosi: 30 Bs for 5 hours, normal seat.

Potosi to Cochabamba: 60 Bs for 7 hours, semi cama seat.

Cochabamba to Torotoro National Park: 25 Bs for 5 hours, normal seat. This winding route has two daily departures at 6am and midday.

Cochabamba to Sucre: this 12 hour journey is on an unpaved road so you won’t sleep much.

Cochabamba to La Paz: 70 Bs for 9 hours, semi cama seat. There are six departures daily.

La Paz to Lake Titicaca: 40 Bs for a 3-4 hour journey on a normal seat.

La Paz to Uyuni: 12-15 hours, only overnight departures.

Read more: A guide to dealing with bus travel in Bolivia

Tips for bus travel in Bolivia:

– Buy your bus tickets at bus stations. Trying to decipher the online booking systems is nearly impossible and besides, you might get turned away with a blank stare unless you do it in person. Also this is the prime time to haggle and question the various company operators.

– Bring layers. There are always people selling garishly patterned blankets at bus stations, and for good reason: often the air con will be cranked up to freezing temperatures, so it’s worth having plenty of clothes to keep you warm. I often took my sleeping bag on board and used that.

– Aim for daytime journeys. On a long travel day, it’s worth having the scenery to stare out at (unless, like me, you have a strong fear of heights when driving the winding mountain roads!). There’s also enough cautionary tales about drunk and overtired drivers to warrant a daytime journey – not to mention stories of nighttime muggings and bus hijackings.

– Prepare for protests and road blockades. On our way into Cochabamba, our bus stopped 25km away from the city because the highway was filled with multiple blockades and protestors. We had no choice but to shoulder our bags and start walking – and all the other Bolivian passengers didn’t seem phased by this turn of events at all. As a result, I’d recommend bringing luggage you can carry relatively easily to Bolivia!

Where should I stay in Bolivia?

Bolivia has probably the cheapest accommodation in all of South America. There are plenty of cheap hostels in Bolivia to suit all kinds of backpackers, including various branches of the Wild Rover and Loki hostels (infamous party hostels in South America) and just as many budget hotels in the touristy areas.

It’s also possible to rent out apartments in Bolivia on Airbnb – sign up here and get £25 off your first booking!

Check Prices of Bolivia Hostels Here!

Hostels in Bolivia

Location Hostel Why stay here? La Paz Loki La Paz A definite party hostel, Loki still boasts good security and friendly staff. Their rooftop Skybar is pretty special too Sucre The Celtic Cross This chilled out Irish-run hostel is also a language school and has weekly BBQs for all guests Potosi Eucalyptus Hostel Great views of the city from the roof, a cosy reading area and warm showers (much appreciated in this chilly city!) Tarija Kultur Berlin Tarija Guesthouse This quiet, family-run place is close to the main plaza with a delicious breakfast Tupiza La Torre Hostel A combination hostel/hotel with fantastic tours on offer – for both the Salt Flats and southwest Bolivia in general Cochabamba Cabana Las Lilas This lovely place has a huge garden and a relaxed vibe – and Alex is the most helpful hostel owner you’ll ever meet! Torotoro Hostal Wilma A simple, clean hostel with a campsite attached. They also make boxed lunches! Lake Titicaca La Cupula Gorgeous views of Lake Titicaca from the individually designed rooms. There’s an amazing restaurant on site, a lovely sloped garden and hot tub too

How do I get in and out of Bolivia?

Because Bolivia is a landlocked country, you can either fly into one of the three international airports (located in La Paz, Cochabamba, and Santa Cruz) or you can cross overland at one of Bolivia’s borders – of which there are many.

– Flights: I flew into El Alto airport in La Paz, where I was given a 90 day visa on arrival. This was the most expensive flight I paid for in South America, but after hearing various stories I learned it was also the most foolproof way to get my visa.

– Border crossings: Bolivia shares borders with Brazil to the north and east, Paraguay to the southeast, Argentina to the south, and Chile to the southwest and Peru to the northwest. I attempted to cross into Argentina at Villazon to renew my Bolivian visa but it didn’t quite work (read more about exactly why here). Luckily, my eventual departure from Bolivia was more successful – I crossed into Peru via Lake Titicaca (although I almost lost my passport to the lake waters because an overly cocky Peruvian border guard thought it’d be funny to dangle it…)

In total, there are thirteen places to cross in and out of Bolivia. These are the most popular border crossings:

To/from Brazil and Paraguay: Santa Cruz is the best city to catch buses to these borders – either to Corumba in Brazil, or to Asuncion in Paraguay along the Trans-Chaco Highway.

To/from Argentina: catch a local bus from Tupiza in Bolivia towards the border crossing at Villazon – it takes about an hour. Once you’ve queued and entered Argentina, catch a bus from La Quiacha towards Salta, which takes approx 8 hours (though the route also passes through Humahuaca and San Salvador de JuyJuy).

To/from Chile: lots of the Salt Flats tours will end by dropping you at the Chilean border, as well as arranging your onward bus journey towards San Pedro de Atacama – much easier than heading back to Uyuni first. Once you cross the border, it takes just over an hour to reach Calama and a further two hours to San Pedro de Atacama.

To/from Peru: a bus runs from La Paz to Puno in Peru (4.5 hours), which also stops at Copacabana, Lake Titicaca, on the way. This border crossing actually takes place in a little hut beside the lake – probably one of the most picturesque crossings I’ve ever had!

What visa do I need for Bolivia?

As a UK citizen with a British passport, I was given a 90 day Bolivian visa on arrival at the airport (their usual offering is 30 days but I specified at the time that I wanted the maximum 90 days). However, it’s not as simple for other nationalities. There are 3 groups of countries:

Group 1 – countries whose citizens do not require a visa (i.e. Australia, Britain, Canada, most of Europe)

Group 2 – countries whose citizens must obtain a visa prior to entry for free/upon arrival for a fee (i.e. USA, Iran, China and Taiwan)

Group 3 – countries whose citizens must obtain a visa in advance with special authorisation (i.e. Israel, Pakistan and Indonesia)

However, it’s probably easiest to check Wikipedia for your country’s visa policy for Bolivia, and your country’s embassy pages too.

Where to go in Bolivia?

Explore La Paz, the world’s highest city

There’s something magic about the air in La Paz. Perhaps it’s the altitude (3,640m, which makes it the highest administrative capital in the world); or perhaps it’s the way the pink sunset melts into the mountains each evening.

It’s a city of drama and intrigue, where street parades seem to be a daily occurrence, there’s a constant background noise of honking car horns and eager street vendors, and every new street corner offers up an untold story.

I spent two weeks living in La Paz, studying Spanish in the mornings and volunteering in the afternoons. At first I found the city somewhat obtrusive and the people to be standoffish, but the more I explored the quicker I learned to love it.

What to do in La Paz, Bolivia

Learn the history of coca leaves at the Coca Museum. The coca leaf is everywhere in Bolivia – and not because of cocaine production. Chewing on the leaves alleviates altitude sickness, reduces hunger pangs and keeps people alert, so you’ll often see Bolivian men with a bulge of leaves in their cheek. It’s also a sacred plant used in plenty of Bolivian ceremonies, and the Coca Museum documents the leaf’s role in Bolivian culture.

Rappel down the side of a five-star hotel at Urban Rush. This fifty metre descent takes you from the 17th floor right down to the pavement, either by rappelling or abseiling. It costs 150 Bolivianos ($22USD) and you even get to choose your own superhero outfit!

Ride the ‘Mi Teleferico’ cable car across the city. Like many experiences in La Paz, the ‘Mi Teleferico’ is the world’s highest cable car ride – but it’s also a pretty spectacular one. Stretching from La Paz to El Alto, the cable car has cut commuting time from an hour to just ten minutes, costs just 3 Bolivianos one-way (while a one-way bus ticket is 5 Bolivianos), and offers incredible views of the city and surrounding mountains.

Explore El Alto market. Every Thursday and Sunday, there’s a huge open-air market in the neighbouring city of El Alto. While tourists are discouraged from visiting alone due to pick-pockets, it’s a fascinating place – check out the yatiri fortune tellers in the blue huts beside the bus station!

Read more: Traditions and superstitions at Bolivia’s El Alto market

Watch a cholita wrestling match. There’s a bizarre entertainment on offer in El Alto: watching traditionally dressed cholita women wrestle each other in front of an audience. It’s got all the pantomime qualities of WWE but with bowler hats and frilly skirts – what’s not to love?

Visit the witches market on Calle de las Brujas. This tiny cluster of street stalls is where the superstitious side of Bolivia comes to the fore. You’ll see old women selling stone talismans, love spells and llama foetuses

Climb Huayna Potosi. It takes two to three days to summit the most popular mountain climb in Bolivia – but you’ll need to prepare for using crampons on an ice wall, breathing with oxygen tanks and spending at least one full day training. Once you reach the top at 6,088m, you’ll be rewarded with insane views and a spectacular sunrise. Tours cost between $150-300.

Cycle down ‘The Most Dangerous Road in the World’. The narrow track which winds through the steep Bolivian mountains is known by locals as Yunga Road – but tourists know it better as Death Road. It’s now closed to public traffic, so it’s just the daily mountain bike tours which skitter downhill past sheer hundred-feet drops and around hairpin turns. My fear of heights prevented me from cycling Death Road, but I’ve heard from many sources that Gravity is the most reputable company to go with.

Climb the Chacaltaya glacier. If you ever wanted evidence of global warming in Bolivia, just look to Chacaltaya. It used to be the world’s highest ski run, but so much ice has melted in the last few decades that the glacier has effectively disappeared (see that tiny derelict hut in the photo? It used to be the ski lodge). It’s still possible to summit Chacaltaya mountain: an organised day trip can drive you up to 5,200m, allowing you to climb the last 200m and reach the peak. The air is thin enough up here to notice the effects, but not bad enough to require oxygen.

Book Your La Paz Hostel Here

Read more: the impromptu street parades of La Paz, Bolivia

Settle into the slow life in Sucre

Sucre was the only place in Bolivia where I properly settled down. I was volunteering with Biblioworks each day and had rented an apartment, so I had the luxury of being able to cook in my own kitchen – which also meant buying fresh ingredients at Mercado Central and ‘befriending’ (in my eyes, at least) various ladies at their respective stalls.

It’s hard not to fall in love with Sucre: the city has a slow, ambling pace of life, the weather is gorgeous and it’s filled with plenty of travellers and expats who’ve found it somewhat impossible to leave.

What to do in Sucre, Bolivia

Soak up the lovely weather. Constant blue skies and spring-like temperatures all year round make Sucre the perfect place to chill out – and there’s plenty of cafes and coffee shops to do that in!

Explore Sucre’s General Cemetery. I’d heard stories about this cemetery, but was still totally surprised to discover it felt more like a tranquil park than anything else. Being here for Dia de los Muertes meant seeing how Bolivians celebrate the memory of their loved ones each year by decorating the graves and spending all day there. It’s a beautifully happy way to deal with death, and really eye-opening.

Read more: the most beautiful cemetery in Bolivia

Learn about Bolivia’s cultural background at Museo Nacional de Etnografia y Folklore. There are plenty of museums in Sucre, but this is one of my favourites: filled with costumes and masks from religious ceremonies and festivals.

See ancient dinosaur footprints at Sucre Dinosaur Park. El Parque Cretacico is 40 minutes outside Sucre and features a near-vertical limestone wall which is covered with over 5,000 ancient dinosaur tracks. Millions of years ago this used to be the ocean floor and it’s the largest collection of dinosaur prints in the world! There’s also a small garden with dino sculptures and a museum of dinosaur skeletons.

People-watch in Plaza 25 de Mayo. I spent a lot of time in this plaza because there was always something to see – from protesters, troupes of musicians and children dressed in indigenous clothing to the costumed zebras helping people cross the road!

Plaza 25 de Mayo, Sucre

Where to eat in Sucre

Condor Trekkers Cafe: a firm favourite amongst Sucre backpackers, Condors is part non-profit tour company and part cafe. The latter serves amazing food – the daily set lunch is always tasty, and the tucumana with side salad is particularly excellent.

Churrasqueria Bisonte: this no-frills steak place near the bus station is set in an internal courtyard with plastic tables, but it served the most fantastic steak I’ve ever eaten.

Abis Patio: the barbecue burgers are lovely, and chatting to the incredibly friendly restaurant owner is even better!

Mirador Cafe on Recoleta Plaza: a short walk uphill from the centre of the city is Recoleta Plaza, a lookout point where you can lie back in deckchairs and share a pitcher of fresh lemonade. It’s a great spot to while away the afternoon.

Mercado de Pescados: this local market in a car park serves freshwater fish on the grill at lunchtime. It’s a neighbourly affair – you squish onto a row of tables and eat fish, corn and potato with your hands – and it’s seriously delicious.

Look For Your Sucre Hostel Here

Read more: Eating all the Bolivian food during a month in Sucre

Drink the world’s highest wine in Tarija

Tarija is Bolivia’s wine country. Thanks to the altitude, they produce the highest wine in the world here, and though Tarija tourism isn’t particularly developed yet, the town still feels like a holiday destination – it boasts Mediterranean weather and a tranquil, laid-back attitude to life. Gone are the frenzied traffic jams and political protests of La Paz: Tarija is where locals smile at you when they pass and ladies with palm tree brushes sweep streets free of garbage.

What to do in Tarija, Bolivia

Visit the local vineyards. Bolivian wine producers like Campos de Solano and Casa Real have their wineries in Tarija, and you can either join an official wine tour or plan your own ad-hoc visit with public transport. We opted for the latter but it would’ve been much easier to be part of an organised group tour! Typical prices are between 100-170 Bolivianos.

Wander the parks in Tarija. This is a very laid back city, and once you’ve enjoyed a few bottles of wine it’s even more pleasant to chill out in Plaza de Armas Luis de Fuentes y Vargas, or wander along the Guadalquivir riverbanks.

Look at fossils in the Museo Paleontologico y Arqueologico. Just off Tarija’s main plaza, this little museum has a fantastic collection of dinosaur bones and collected fossils from across Bolivia. Although things seem dusty and cramped, it’s an interesting place to spend an hour or so.

Eat lunch at Casa Vieja. This beautiful restaurant is set in the vineyards of Valle de la Concepcion, a short taxi ride away from Tarija. Casa Veija is famed for their huge plates of roasted pork, fresh from a turning spit in the courtyard – a plateful costs 60 Bolivianos, and a jug of local wine doesn’t cost much more.

Find Your Tarija Hostel Here

Read more: Going wine tasting in Tarija

Learn Bolivia’s hidden histories in Potosi

Potosi is a city of faded grandeur, harking back to its original status as the capital of Bolivia. The city also lies at the foot of Cerro Rico mountain, which was first discovered to contain silver ore in 1545 and is still a working silver mine in the present day.

Sadly, that seemingly inexhaustible supply of silver has led to untold deaths of miners and slaves over the last five hundred years – an estimate six million lives have been lost here. It’s also rumoured that a devil spirit named ‘El Tio’ lives inside Cerro Rico, so to ensure that he doesn’t cause havoc he’s placated every day with offerings of cigarettes and alcohol left at the numerous ‘El Tio’ statues inside the mine.

What to do in Potosi, Bolivia

Take your time with the altitude. Potosi has an elevation of over 4,000 metres and is one of the highest cities in the world. It’s also built on a steep hill, so I often found myself getting breathless if I walked too quickly.

Prepare for the cold climate. The altitude means a drastic drop in temperatures up here – be sure to bring lots of warm layers and ask for extra blankets at your hostel!

Tour the working silver mine in Cerro Rico mountain. There are daily tours inside the Cerro Rico silver mine, where visitors are kitted out with overalls, a hard hat and a torch in preparation. Before heading inside, they also make a stop at a local market to buy dynamite and coca leaves to gift the miners with (or to make an offering to one of the many El Tio statues inside the mine).

NB: Although I considered doing this tour, I ultimately decided against it: part claustrophobia, part discomfort about being a tourist in a place where miners have a life expectancy of 35 years old. That said, the experience is an important part of the Bolivia backpacking trail as it highlights a terrible element of work conditions, tourism and societal influence in Bolivia. Just make sure you’re joining a Cerro Rico mine tour for the right reasons.

Visit Bolivia’s National Mint. The Casa Nacional de la Moneda was the first mint in South America, and converted Potosi’s mined silver into coins before shipping it all over the world. Now it’s a fascinating museum which documents the city’s history through exhibitions and original machinery. There are plenty of tours – we tacked ourselves onto an English-speaking tour which was worth the sneaky behaviour!

Go swimming in the hot springs at Ojo del Inca. Apparently it’s no longer safe to swim in, but this geothermal pool is nonetheless a beautifully natural spot to visit, and it’s only a half hour bus ride from Potosi.

Drink hot chocolate at La Plata. This lovely restaurant is right on the main plaza, and it’s the perfect place to sit in one of the window seats and spend an afternoon people-watching.

Walk around the colonial buildings. Potosi’s colonial past is still in plain sight. When the sun begins to set, there’s a beautiful orange light which touches dozens of old buildings: it’s the perfect time to wander past perfectly preserved examples of Spanish architecture.

Book Your Potosi Hostel Here

Explore cowboy country in Tupiza

Tupiza feels like Bolivia’s version of the American Wild West. Surrounded by craggy red hills and close to the border with Argentina, I half-expected to see cowboys trotting past on their horses, tipping their wide-brimmed hats to us.

This little town gets most of its backpacker traffic from those who choose to start their Salt Flats tour here instead of from Uyuni. By travelling on this route (going south to north instead of the more popular north-south route), you still visit all the same sites but can avoid the crowds of tourists as you reach them at different times of day. You’ll also save seeing the salt flats for the final day of your trip.

What to do in Tupiza, Bolivia

Explore the Bolivian desert. This dusty strip of southern Bolivia is where Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid apparently met their dramatic end, and it’s worth heading out into the badlands – otherwise known as the Cordillera de Chicas. There are plenty of options, but the most popular is via jeep tour, on horseback, or a good old-fashioned hike.

Walk up to Cerro de la Cruz. For a birds-eye view of Tupiza, spend a couple of hours on this hike which takes you just outside the city, up a hill via a rough staircase, and onto a plateau covered with graffiti and sporting a Jesus statue to rival its counterpart in Rio de Janeiro. If you make this climb just before sunset, you’ll see the afternoon rays hitting the red mountains. It’s something special.

Cross the Bolivian border into Argentina. I had to extend my Bolivia visa while we were in Tupiza, so I headed for the Argentinian border. Although the experience didn’t go according to plan, this is a potentially good place to cross into Argentina and continue your downward route through South America.

Read more: That time I went to Argentina for absolutely no reason

Book Your Tupiza Hostel Here

Drive through the Salar de Uyuni Salt Flats

The Uyuni Salt Flats sit at 3,600m above sea level and are one of Bolivia’s most famous attractions for good reason – they’re completely surreal.

The prehistoric lake bed of Salar de Uyuni covers a distance of 12,000 square km. When the original lake dried up under the fierce sun, it left behind puddles of water and a huge amount of shining salt deposits due to the water’s high salinity. Today, the Uyuni Salt Flats contain over half of the world’s lithium reserves (currently being extracted) and it’s the largest salt flat in the world.

But the Salt Flats are actually part of the sprawling Eduardo Avaroa National Reserve, which means there’s so much more to see: islands studded with cactus, bizarre rock formations, fluorescent coloured lakes, and the famed groups of pink flamingos.

What to see in the Salt Flats, Bolivia

Choosing the length of your Uyuni Salt Flats tour can be a tricky decision – particularly when it involves being stuck in a cramped jeep for potentially four days straight. Many people visit the Salt Flats in one day, but I’m so glad I chose a four day trip because I was actually more impressed by the stunning scenery than the Salt Flats themselves!

Laguna Verde. The green colour of the lake is caused by arsenic and other minerals in the water, and the shade varies depending on how the lake’s sediment is disturbed by the wind.

Laguna Colorada. Its a shallow salt lake coloured red by the algae in its waters. Laguna Colorada is also home to lots of flamingos who stand in the water and munch on the abundance of plankton.

Pink flamingos. They love feasting on the algae growing in the lakewater – and they make for pretty fantastic photos! The Salar de Uyuni is actually a major breeding ground for four different species of flamingo, some of which never leave the lakes they live in.

Llamas and vicuñas. Although it sometimes feels like this is a barren landscape, there are plenty of herds of llama and vicuña rambling about the National Reserve. Not so much on the Salt Flats though, which are virtually devoid of any vegetation or wildlife.

Hot springs. They’re a little underwhelming, but it’s nonetheless quite possible to stop for a dip in the thermal waters and warm up – most tour guides will suggest it.

Arbol de Piedra. This is a famous sandstone formation which has been eroded by relentless winds into the shape of a tree. Very Dali-esque.

Isla del Pescado. This rocky outcrop covered in cactus, officially known as Incahuasi, is your final stop before the actual salt flats – most jeeps will pull up here to serve breakfast or lunch. You can hike to the top of this cactus island in about 20 mins, but be prepared to pay an entry fee of 30 Bolivianos.

The Uyuni Salt Flats. To capture the best perspective-skewed shots, set your camera focus to infinity and get snapping! It’s worth taking some props for your photos (we used a water bottle, a Lonely Planet guidebook, a half-eaten cookie and a Dora the Explorer doll I found in a market in Potosi) – there are some excellent shots to be had using toy dinosaurs, cooking pots and even each other! Hopefully you’ve become friendly enough with your driver that he’ll want to help you take photos. Unfortunately ours was pretty grumpy and just slept in the drivers seat for two hours while we pranced about.

How to prepare for the Salt Flats

– Take snacks and alcohol. Meals are included on the trip, cooked each day by the porters, but when you’re spending all day in a car it’s worth having some sweets and crisps to snack on. If you fancy a beer in the evenings you’ll have to bring them with you as most

– Combat the hot, dry weather. Drink lots of water, use sunscreen and lip balm as the combination of wind, strong sun and all that salt everywhere can really dehydrate your body and your skin.

– Pack lots of layers. It may be seriously sunny during the day but the temperatures drop significantly at night. For the first days of the tour, you’re sleeping in simple accommodation without heating: plenty of blankets are provided but you should still bring enough warm clothing to feel snug. There’s also strong winds at some points on the trip so it’s good to have a jacket easily accessible while you’re in the jeep.

On the final night, you’ll stay in a salt hotel which, yes, is entirely made of salt – even down to the walls, tables and beds!

Read more about my journey through Salar de Uyuni here

Chill out in Cochabamba

I still can’t think of the word ‘Cochabamba’ without hearing the cries of ticket sellers in every bus station in Bolivia. “Cocha-cocha-cocha-cocha-bamba! CochaBAMBAAAA!” It’s an ear-worm of the most wonderful variety.

Our arrival into Cochabamba was pretty unique: when our overnight bus was still more than twenty kilometres away from the city, it stopped on the highway thanks to hundreds of protestors flooding the streets. We started to hike along the highway until I luckily managed to phone the manager of our hostel in Cochabamba – who drove as far through the city as he could in his car and then used a succession of motorcycle taxis to reach us and transport us back to his hostel! It was literally the best hostel service I’ve ever had.

Image via Jan Beck

What to do in Cochabamba, Bolivia

Tour the Convento de Santa Teresa. Check out the views from the roof of this beautiful old convent building.

Visit Palacio Portales. This over-the-top yellow house was built in 1927 by tin baron Simon Patino. It’s a great example of what Bolivia used to be like in its golden age.

Ride the teleferico to El Cristo de la Concordia. Apparently this Christ the Redeemer statue is even bigger than the one in Rio (by 44cm, at least) – but the view of Cochabamba from here is pretty great.

Climb Cerro Tunari mountain. A day trip into the Cordillera Tunari allows you to climb up to 5000m above sea level. Be sure to go with a guide as parts of the climb are pretty technical.

Stay at Cabana Las Lilas hostel. Even if Alex, the incredible manager at Las Lilas, hadn’t saved us from the protests, I’d still be singing this hostel’s praises. There’s a big common area with a fireplace, pool table and book exchange corner, and a huge garden and swimming pool out back. Many of the guests here had extended their stay and we found it hard not to do the same.

Take a weekend trip to Parque Torotoro. Use Cochabamba as a base to visit the nearby dinosaur park – the bus ride takes six hours from the corner of Avenidas Republica and Barrietos to Torotoro Village (and it’s a bus decorated with dinosaurs!).

Book a Bed at Cabana Las Lilas Hostel Here!

Image via Eduardo Ruas

Follow the dinosaurs in Torotoro National Park

Torotoro Park is like the land that time forgot. Torotoro is most famed for the prehistoric dinosaur tracks which have been preserved in the rock for hundreds of millions of years – but the geology of this part of Bolivia is equally fascinating.

There are canyons, caves, waterfalls and mountains, all perfect for hikers, climbers and general all-round adventurers. I was somewhat forced into going caving, and although I didn’t exactly relish the prospect of crawling for ages with a vast expanse of rock above my head, once I’d done it I was pretty proud of myself!

Canyon de Torotoro, Bolivia

What to do in Toro Toro National Park, Bolivia

Pay the entrance fee. To enter Parque Toro Toro, all visitors have to register at the Toro Toro Tourism office in the town’s main square and buy an entrance ticket (nationals: Bs. 20, foreigners: Bs. 30).

Catch a jeep into Torotoro Park. Hiring a guide is mandatory: we hired one along with six other backpackers we’d collected from outside the tourist office. He drove us all around the park in his jeep, which was a bumpily enjoyable way to experience Torotoro!

Follow the dinosaur tracks. The closest tracks are near the village on the other side of the river, behind a locked fence. There are plenty of other tracks around the park, and your guide can explain what dinosaur species made each set.

Ciudad de Itas. A set of bizarrely shaped caverns with equally odd acoustics, where you can also go scrambling up boulders.

Cañon de Toro Toro. This huge gash in the rocks plummets more than 250 metres, and is equally stunning seen from the top and from deep down inside.

Umajalanta Cave. In Quechua, it translates as ‘water lost in the darkness of the deepest earth’ – and it’s a pretty apt name, because Caverna de Uma Jalanta is one of the longest (4600m) and deepest (164m) caves in Bolivia. It goes about 118m under sea level, and tourist groups usually spend two hours journeying through the cave’s rock faces, narrow tunnels, stalagmites, stalactites, blind fish, and underground waterfalls. For the more claustrophobic visitors (like me), there’s an approximately eight-metre-long section of narrow, squeezable space.

NB: There’s no cash machines in Torotoro Village, so make sure you have enough cash for food, accommodation and activities before you arrive.

Find Your Torotoro Hostel Here

Read more: Facing my Fear of Heights & Small Spaces at Torotoro National Park

Relax in Copacabana, Lake Titicaca

At 3,812m above sea level, it’s hard to exert that much energy in Copacabana – which is perfectly acceptable in this chilled town by the water.

Lake Titicaca itself is sacred: the Incas believed it was the birthplace of the Sun, and duly built a number of temples to celebrate their gods.

Most people come here and head straight towards Isla del Sol, but Copacabana is worth exploring too. Take a day or two and relax!

What to do at Lake Titicaca, Bolivia

Hike up to the top of Cerro Calvario. This is a sacred pilgrimage for many Bolivians, which explains the candles and markers which line the edge of this lookout point. There are also a number of crosses, part of the Stations of the Cross: to follow the route properly, start in town at the Cathedral of the Virgin of Copacabana, and climb the long flight of steps up the hill until you see Copacabana laid out in front of you.

Go on lots of walks. The area has plenty of other places to wander. We initially struck out for the little village of Yampupata but didn’t make it because of the combined heat, sun, and lack of water.

Don’t forget the suncream. Lake Titicaca has very little shady spots so keep drinking water and slathering on the sunscreen!

Hire a bike. Riding along the water front is a lovely way to spend a few hours.

Chill at the water’s edge. Plenty of restaurants and cafes dotted along the front. Sit out here with beers and watch the sun go down. It’s got a weirdly beach-esque vibe despite being a lake!

Eat fondue at La Cupula’s restaurant. This hostel/hotel has an on-site restaurant which serves the most delicious food – including a cheese fondue with actual Gruyere cheese (not exactly easy to find in South America!) and a chocolate fondue for dessert.

Stay at La Cupula Hostel. If you’re looking for somewhere to treat yourself, La Cupula is the perfect place. The hostel’s individual cabins are all designed differently, and situated at the end of a winding pathway on a rising slope of manicured garden above the lake – ours was fully circular with a wood burner and skylight to see the stars through.

Book Your Copacabana Hostel Here

Read more: The cheese and chocolate co-operatives of Salinas de Guaranda, Ecuador

Hike across the mythical Isla del Sol

This peaceful island, just a short boat ride from the shores of Lake Titicaca, is around 70 square kilometres and is covered with more than eighty archeological ruins built by the Incas in the 15th century.

There are three different central communities living on Isla del Sol (about 800 indigenous families in total), who all have differing opinions about how island tourism operates. Since 2017, the north of the island has been closed to visitors, so make sure you check accessibility before heading out.

You can easily catch a boat from Copacabana to Isla del Sol – boats run twice a day at 8:30 a.m. and 1:30 p.m, returning at 3:30 p.m. and 5:00 p.m. Getting to Yumani takes about 1.5 hours, and the ticket costs 25 Bolivianos one-way or 40 Bolivianos for a return.

NB: Verify the boat times when you buy your ticket as schedules do change! 

What to do on Isla del Sol, Bolivia

Climb the Inca stairs. 

Enjoy being in a car-free zone. There are no vehicles on Isla del Sol, so all exploring has to be done on foot via the network of trails which criss-cross the island. Although the island slopes significantly in places, lots of the trails are relatively flat. Bear in mind that the altitude can make it tough going for some people.

Hike across the island. Start walking from Yumani, the biggest and most developed settlement, and head towards Cha’lla on the central east coast. Cha’llapampa, on the northern side of the island, is where the gold museum and most of the ruins are located. Crossing the entirety of Isla del Sol takes approximately three hours, so you can walk the entire island in a day.

Eat a lunch of fresh trout from the lake. Ever since the fish was introduced into the lake in the 1930s, fried trout has become a very popular local speciality dish, and all the local restaurants serve it.

Stay the night in simple accommodation. Although it’s possible to see Isla del Sol on a day trip, it’ll mean rushing around the island to catch the last boat which isn’t too relaxing. Most of the restaurants and hotels are in Yumani, and it’s probably best to book a bed before your arrival. I stayed at Hostal del Sol and it was basic but more than enough for a night’s stay.

Watch the most incredible Bolivian sunset. Isla del Sol is famous for its spectacular sunrises and sunsets, the latter of which lights up the peaks of the Cordillera Real mountain . What more could you want?

Book Your Isla del Sol Hostel Here

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“Not a King Like THAT” based on Psalm 93 and John 18:33-37

Rev. Sara E. BaronFirst United Methodist Church of Schenectady603 State St. Schenectady, NY 12305Pronouns: she/her/hershttp://fumcschenectady.org/ https://www.facebook.com/FUMCSchenectadyIt is best, when reading from the Gospel of John, to do with awareness of metaphor and symbolism. Because the Gospel of John was written much later than the other Gospels (a generation or two), it has a tendency to make its points more poetically. Part of what I mean by this is that the Gospel of John lacks historical accuracy, but that is because historical accuracy wasn't all that valuable to John. John thinks there are important points to make, and John makes them, presumably assuming that those listening know that the stories are being told to make points, and not to tell facts.

Which is to say, this is contrived encounter between Pilate and Jesus that deviates from how the other Gospels tell and and how it actually could have been. AND, that's OK. John is expressing essential elements of Jesus-following, and he does it beautifully.

John contrasts the domination systems of the world with the nonviolence of Jesus and contrasts the power-hungry methods of leadership in the world, with the power-giving leadership of Jesus. There is significant debate over whether or not Jesus ever thought of himself or spoke of himself as a king, most of the Jesus Seminar thinks he didn't. There are two reasons, however, why the early Christian community would have wanted to present him that way:

The expectation of the Jewish Messiah was of a Jewish King in the model of King David: one who would restore political, economic, and military might to the nation of Israel, one who would preside over an empire, one who would prove the power and might of God by overcome adversaries. While Jesus was CERTAINLY not THAT kind of king, speaking of Jesus in king language connected him to the tradition and claimed him in a role that people could make sense of. Granted, even in this passage, the sense being made has to acknowledge that Jesus is not a king in the normal ways of the world, but it was an imperative claim to early Christians that Jesus was the fulfillment of what their ancestors had been waiting for.

The Roman Empire which held the Jewish homelands as part and parcel of its Empire claimed many titles for itself. The Roman Emperor was the Prince of Peace, the Savior of the World, the Lord of Lords. Much of the language we now think of as Christian is really reflective of the early church claiming that Jesus was the real deal and the Roman Empire was not. Which to say, most of what sounds pious speech NOW was heresy when it came into Christianity. Within that context, for the Roman Empire the “King of the Jews” was the person that Rome appointed to be the leader of the lands occupied by the Jews. King Herod had been “King of the Jews” but his kingdom had been split upon his death. To even enter into this conversation about “King of the Jews” is to threaten the power of Rome to appoint leaders over God's people. Pilate was NOT “King of the Jews”, he led 1/4th of the former kingdom and was the “tetrarch” of Judea. For him to be in conversation with Jesus about whether or not Jesus was the king of the Jews was for him to be asking if Jesus OUTRANKED him. The conversation itself, as presented here in John, makes Pilate a comedic figure and therefore dismisses his authority. The entire narrative supports the importance of Jesus, and contrasts him with the power-seeking ways of the world.

Now that we know why this conversation is presented to begin with, we can play with it a little more. Jesus is not presented as giving any straight answers, which I find amusing. He keeps asking questions to answer questions and responding in ways that Pilate can't follow. To be fair, these do seem to be consistent with other stories of how Jesus plays cat and mouse with anyone trying to trap him.

My favorite line comes in verse 36. Pilate is trying to get Jesus to confess to what he's accused of. Historically speaking, Jesus was accused of leading a revolt against the Empire, but he isn't going to say that.  Instead of answering the question at all, he says, "My kingdom is not from this world. If my kingdom were from this world, my followers would be fighting to keep me from being handed over to the Jews. But as it is, my kingdom is not from here." The answer he gives has often been “spiritualized,” which I mean in a negative way even though I think spirituality is awesome. Christians have differentiated between the kingdoms on earth and the kingdom of heaven, and in doing so have indicated that it doesn't matter what happens on earth as long as they manage to enter the kingdom of heaven.

This perspective has done GREAT harm, including by permitting abuses to human beings like slavery and functioning as an argument for not worrying about global climate change, to only take note of the worst offenses. Unfortunately, it also trickles down to other ways of not caring about God's creation and creatures.  I believe this is an inaccurate as well as problematic reading of the text.

John is talking about the ways of the world that are VIOLENT, he is talking about the domination systems of the world and contrasting them with the Jesus movement, which is NONVIOLENT and equitable. Both systems that are being contrasted here are systems of THIS world, and in fact both systems are ones that claim for themselves Divine blessing.

This year I've shared a few times the definition of domination system, but it has been a while, so I'm going to offer it again. “Domination systems are humanly contrived legal, social, political, economic, military, and religious systems deliberately designed and built to create and maintain power by a few at the top over the many below them. They exist to perpetuate the power of dominators over those dominated, explain why it is necessary, and to transfer wealth from workers up the ladder to the few obscenely wealthy persons at the top of the pyramid. Domination systems of various types have existed since the beginning of recorded history,”1 although not all human systems have been domination systems.

Jesus and his followers lived in a domination system, but they lived in ways that transformed it rather than complied with it. The definition factor of a domination system is violence, but Jesus was emphatically nonviolent. This is what is presented in this Gospel lesson. If Jesus was building his own domination system to threaten the domination system of the Roman Empire, than Jesus' followers would have come to rescue him with their own violent powers. They would have lead a revolution. They would come ready to fight.

They didn't. Jesus faced violence without returning violence. He also faced it without yielding to its power, and by neither returning violence nor accepting the power of violence over him, he decreased its power in the world. Jesus' kingdom was one of nonviolence, one without domination, one that has been about changing the world into the kindom of God which is a nonviolent and equitable kindom – rather than being like the normal ones of this world. But, the kindom or kingdom is one that is of THIS world.

Which leads us to some very practical questions. How well are we following in the nonviolent way of Christ? How well are we transforming the world, at least the world around us, from domination into equity? Where are we complicit in allowing violence and/or domination to take hold in our lives and our community? When do we struggle the most to live like Jesus did?

And, once we've squirmed with those questions: how can we more fully live into nonviolence and radical equity? At the core, I think all of the offerings of this faith community are meant to support the intersecting goals of nonviolence and radical equity. We study the Bible so we can learn how to do it, we learn about the injustices of the world so we can be part of changing them, we redistribute food and necessities to God's beloved people to make our community more equitable, we worship to fill our souls with goodness so we can receive God's gifts of peace and joy (which enable us to treat others with peace and compassion), we gather together for meetings and studies to learn from each other's wisdom about what is needed and to try to offer it into the world.

Others are working with us in these tasks – other faith communities, other nonprofits, other teachers and students of wisdom and spirituality. It isn't all on us, but our contributions matter.

Yet, I still wonder what we need – individually and communally – to do this better? Do we need opportunities for shared spiritual practice, to center ourselves on God's peace? Do we need stories of hope and redemption, to remind ourselves of what God is capable of? Do we need times and spaces for rest from the work that has become wearying? Do we need clearer goals so we don't feel like everything is on our shoulders, and we can remember that we work with God who has a lot to offer along with us!?

This is the last Sunday of the Christian year, and we start anew next week with the beginning of a new Advent and the return to the beginning of our faith story. So, as we come to the end of this year's cycle of liturgy and remembrance, I offer it as a time for reflection: how well are we following the nonviolence and radically equitable ways of Jesus, and what do we need in order to keep following and keep deepening our faith?

I hope, perhaps, you'll tell me what you you think about this, because I'm certain that God works among us in shared wisdom and together we have the answers we need to guide us in this next iteration of our shared journey. Thanks be to God. Amen

1Jim Jordal, “What is a Domination System” found on 2/10/2017 athttp://www.windsofjustice.org/index2.php?option=com_content&do_pdf=1&id=356 written on March 14, 2013.

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Rev. Sara E. Baron

First United Methodist Church of Schenectady

603 State St. Schenectady, NY 12305

Pronouns: she/her/hers

http://fumcschenectady.org/

https://www.facebook.com/FUMCSchenectady

November 25, 2018