#I keep running the same cirlces

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

Love you till my last breath

No, even after that

Even when I'll be a ghost

🤍

[animalinvestigator]

I'm the same anon as the imigrantes road message and I love your ocs so much I could explode (in a positive sense) they're so interesting and well designed!!! Im going to try and draw each of them later ^_^

Your art has always really stuck with me both emotionally and stylistically, you are seriously one of the best artists I've seen online so I remembered it!

NE ways I am going to use this emoji to sign off! Have a nice day ☆

- 🧷

wowww welcome back anyonymous. cute safety pin emoji...im so touched that you like my characters that much. if you'd like to draw them, that would make me so increidlby happy..please do send those drawings my way...i would jump up and down, run in cirlces, scream and smile, etc.it makes me so happy taht anyone would want to do stuff like that, and think of my stories, and care in that way, ALWAYS!!! you motivate me to keep doing my thing thank you so much.

such incredibly high praise and im really grateful..ill tuck it away in my heart and hopefully can keep making works that resonate with you...i'll do my best :3 sending lots of love anyonymous. have the nicest day too...!!!

[thekitsandthekats]

okay let's talk about it.

there's a reason that the square guards, the ones that hold the highest position of power in shape hierarchy, are younger people. and im not saying this is definite fact, or if it'll be explored in season three, but from what i understand of the show, and how great the writing is, i think there's something to it.

as we saw in season one during the organ harvesting plot, and with number eleven in season two, the triangles are relatively older people, thirty and up. and i think this speaks to the level of violence they commit everyday. and the skill level required to commit that violence.

the cirlces, i assume, are younger people too, but not as young as the squares, maybe mid twenties to thirty, and their purpose is to serve. they do the menial work of burning bodies, prepping for the games, handing out food, all of that. but, as we heard from the recruiter, he was a circle when he was very young. so im think that this shape has the widest age range of players. maybe even older teenagers (eighteen, nineteen)

then of course we know the squares are relatively young, maybe early twenties, and they're managers, overseers, and enforcers.

now, to speak to the metaphors and symbolism of the show: squid game as a whole is capitalism. it's a system designed for the betterment and enjoyment of the rich at the suffering of the poor. the pink suits are cogs in that system.

the circles as the largest base can be seen as the every day worker, forced into a labour system that does not care for them, but needs them to do the little things. they're the base, the thing thats holding up the building. all ages ranges can fall into this the same way anyone of any age can work certain jobs. think office job where coworkers are anywhere between twenty two and forty five.

the triangles are enforcers of the system. they've been in the game for a while, know what the rules are and will make sure other people follow them. their purpose is to get the circles in line and the players in order. in capitalism, they're keeping the machine running. it makes sense for this to be older people as there's a sense of authority there but also experience. think managers or supervisors in an office job.

the squares, who are so young, are the future of the system. they have such great power and responsibility because the sustainability of squid game, of capitalism, is put in the hands of the next generation. how easy it is to keep all of this going if you give your future leaders (but only those with the qualities to handle it) the most power! think ceos of start ups, or crypto youtubers with their own businesses.

the idea is that you'll never topple a system you are raised in, one that grows with you! look at number eleven for example, who's been in contact with the squid game organisers for seven years, she left, she came back. because there's no escaping this system.

i think that putting the future of the games in young people's hands ensures it's continued existence. by making capitalism something that gives you power, there's no reason you would think to topple it, no reason you'd think it won't serve you. and having that kind of idea cemented in young people's minds guarantees that the game, the system, will go on.

If I had a dollar for every time everyone was surprised how young the square guards are, I’d have 2…Which isn’t a lot but it’s interesting that it happened twice. I wonder if they’re going to explain at least a bit more because if something like that happens more than once, there’s gotta something, right?

But knowing the writer, prolly not…

[mightyfineblog]

‘Give In To Me’ Joe Mazzello x Reader

Smut, smut, smut; hold it there good girl; teasing; orgasm control; bad girls get punished; l-bomb; don’t get daddy mad;

1.6k words of pure smut

A/n: This one is for all my Joe girls!

Enjoy:

“You didn’t just do this!” Joe pulled you in an alley on the side of the pavement.

“Have you lost your mind?” He hissed, squeezing your arm. His eyes were dark and angry.

“Ouch.” You tried to wriggle but his grip got harder.

“Let go of me.” You raised your voice, but his other hand covered your mouth stopping you in place, forcing you to look up to him.

“You, lovely…” he gulped his anger “do not get to act like a brat in public.”

Your breathing and heart beating were getting heavier by the second, the thoughts of his actions were flashing through your mind, giving you the pinch of excitement.

“It’s your fault.” You mumbled underneath his fingers on your mouth.

He lifted an eyebrow and cocked his head to the side. Running his tongue quickly to each corner of his mouth, caught your glimpse.

“Hm…” his body oozed confidence and dominance from every pore.

“Is that so?” not releasing his palm off your mouth, he lowered his head to your ear.

“Is my girl jealous?” His breath pierced through and sent shivers all over your body.

You felt intimidated and embarrassed right at the spot, and his body shutting every move you tried to make, didn’t help. You were helpless and all at his mercy.

“I think you, are.” He chuckled from the bottom of his throat before abruptly moving your chin to the side. He inhaled the smell of your neck and sucked his mouth onto it.

“J-Joe.” Your eye rolled back and knees got weak, when you felt his luscious lips against your jaw.

“P-please.” You breathed out when his hand released your mouth and slid down your thigh.

His sweet torture suddenly stopped when he let go of you all at once and turned around.

“Damn it.” He ran his hand through his hair.

“You.” He turned around and pointed at your painting figure, but didn’t say a word more.

“You make me loose control and do stupid things.” You finally spoke.

“You, should be controlling yourself.” He exhaled and took your hands in his.

“Who was she?” you hissed.

“Does it matter?” he pulled you in his brace.

“Okay, okay, I may.. be a bit jealous.” You rolled your eyes and rested your head on his shoulder.

“Wait until we get home, baby girl.” He slapped your bum “I’ll make sure you know that I’ve eyes only for you.” He squeezed your bum and met your lips for a demanding kiss. Biting your lower lip, you were ready to melt in his hands.

“Keep it for later, baby…” his strong hands embraced your whole body.

“Now, behave, or else.” He let go of you and pointed you out. You were all hot and bothered from the adrenaline rush but walked out back into the restaurant.

Though you were sure, you’d be getting it real good when you get home, you were still nervous about this woman shifting around your man in her little number. So that thought kept you on your toes for the rest of the night. Joe, of course, sniffed your tension, and would pay attention to her instead of you, just to give you a hard time.

When the two of you finally got into the car, you were more than hot and certainly more than bothered.

“You are such a dick!” you hit the lid of the compartment in front of you.

“Careful.” Joe hissed in a warning tone.

“Careful? You were the one who was flirting with some other woman the whole night!” you raised your voice.

“I told you earlier. It is nothing.” He hit the pedal making you lie flat on your seat.

“Plus, you’re the one who made a little scene…” his knuckles were white on the steering wheel. His right hand slid off right to your thigh. His touch made the breath hit your throat. He noticed and an evil smirk appeared on the side of his lip.

“And yet, you’re frustrated and” his hand moved up and squeezed, making you buckled your knees together “excited.”

“I’d tell, watching me flirt and pay attention to somebody else tonight, gets you going. Pushes your buttons.” His fingers slid up more until reaching your knickers where he applied pressure.

His actions were already making you wet enough for you to confess.

“Talk to me.” He kept making cirlces againt your core, sendind shiveres all over again and again.

“I….” you moaned.

“It pissed me, seeing you… with … her … and… not… me!” you squeacked at the last word, when his finger passed your underwear and attached straight to your sensitive bud.

“You were sayin, love?” He cooed.

You could feel Joe’s wild side come in, prevailing over his body, like poison taking over his bloodstream. His eyes were dark and body strong and demanding.

“Please.” You mumbled, when your senses started to heat up.

“Please, what?” his lips formed a smirk.

“Please, daddy?” You were hoping for the right guess.

“Ahh, baby. You sound so sweet, I could take you right here, right now.” His husky voice oozed in your ears, giving you shivers.

“What’s stopping, you then?” You bit your lower lip.

“Not when I’m driving.” his hand released the sweet torture on your core, just when your breath had started to hitch your throat.

“I’ll take care of you at home.” He gave your thigh a tiny slap.

You were left panting and anticipating the moment he pulls up the driveway, just to see what he does next.

“Let’s go.” He turned off the roaring engine and hopped off. You followed like a little kid, following lollypop.

Once inside, you waited with anticipation, but Joe didn’t seem too bothered.

“joe…” you walked up to him and situated yourself in his lap.

“Oh Joe…” you rubbed your body against his, resting your head on his shoulder.

“You alright, baby girl?” He nonchalantly asked.

“You haven’t forgotten me, right?” You moaned, rocking yourself against his hips, trying to get the smallest of release, you could.

“I’m showing you, exactly how much I love you.” He hissed and slid his hands up your dress.

“In fact.” He quickly switched places and was on top of you now.

“I’m going to show you, exactly what you’re getting. And why you should never do such scenes in public, little girl.” He stood up and took his belt off.

“What do you say? You’ve been bad, huh?” his raspy voice brought you to your knees.

“Gotta punish you now, don’t we?... bend over.” He demanded.

“W-what? With the belt?...” you bit your lip.

“You’re going to enjoy it more than it would hurt, I promise…” he gave you a sweet kiss on the lips.

“Now bend over my knees.”

You compliantly did so. Joe exposed your bum and played with the hem of your knickers. Massaging your bum cheecks he broke the silence.

“Count with me to 5…” he sounded excited and calm in the same time.

“Only if you kiss it better afterwards.” You perked your arse a little higher.

Before you knew it his first slap had hit your skin.

“Fuck!” you squaked.

“Count!” his hand massaged the place.

“One.” It wasn’t that bad.

“two” you squeaked even higher.

“’three” you cried out when the third slap came, making your eyes blur.

“Can you take two more?” he prompted, massaging the red skin of your bum.

“Yes, daddy.” You couldn’t hold the excitement forming in your stomach.

“that’s right baby girl.” The next two slaps came through very fast.

Before you knew it, Joe had you flipped on your back.

“Will you make a scene like this ever again?” He took off your knickers and slid down his trousers.

“No.” you shook your head with teary eyes.

“Not convinced yet baby.” He lowered himself over you and kissed you passionately.

“I will never leave you for another. You just have to give in to me. Say it.”

“Please. Please fuck me.” Your hands buried in his hair. Digging your nails, pulling his hair strands when he entered your hot and dripping wetness.

“Fuck.” His head fell on your shoulder.

“God, you’re so tiny, you feel amazing.” He kissed you and started thrusting slowly at first. He then picked up the speed.

“I’m so close, daddy.” You whined, being already at the edge for some time.

“Hold it for daddy. Be a good girl and I’ll let you cum with me.” He stated, moving his hand between your bodies. Finding your clit, he rubbed it, makin it harder for you to hold the explosion forming in your stomach.

“Please.” You begged.

“So needy today. Okay. You can cum with me.” He sloppily thrusted a few more times.

“Now.” He grunted, releasing his hot mess all inside if you, filling you completely. This was more than the push you needed to come, you exploded with shaking orgasm. You body convulsing uncontrollably underneath his for what felt like the longest time ever.

“God, I love you.” Je kissed you on the lips.

“I love you too.” You mumbled with last breaths.

“Stay. I want to feel you some more.” You kissed him again.

“I really want you fuck me like this more often.” You managed after you were able to catch your breath.

“Funny. I thought you liked being a good girl….” He poked your nose.

“Just keep cuddling to my arms, please.” He smiled and took you in.

“I can never image me anywhere else…” you sighed and snuggled.

[mewts-guide]

PTAVVS & GOLDEN CIRLCE

Ptavvs:

When I began writing Ptavvs, (the first track to my two track EP)  I was maybe five chapters or so into the novel. 

So before I begin with the breakdown of the novel and how it inspired me, I have to fill you in on some thing first. 

Three days before I began reading, I had actually asked a girl out on a date. 

… I was definitely excited because I had known her for some time already and never really went for it because, well to put it simply, I was always busy and my focus was never really on girls. 

The day of our date rolls around and  without really thinking about it I grabbed Larry Nivens, World of Ptavvs off my book shelf and went on my way. I was 15 minutes early and so the best thing I could have done was bring the book with me, because now I had something to do while I waited. 

No biggie. 

After some time, maybe nine or ten pages in, I looked up, searching for said date, checking the time. 

Time was cutting close to the time we had agreed on. 

Nothing. 

I figured that she was running late or something, looking for excuses really, to keep myself from feeling like a moron. 

Nothing. 

After about thirty minutes of waiting, I decided that was long enough and just made my way home. 

Sucks right?? 

No worries though, I had a feeling it wasn’t going to happen anyway and I knew what I was getting myself into so I didn’t bother beating myself up over it. 

I sat under the patio, comfortable with my new friend, Larry Niven and this wonderful novel I was beginning to enjoy. 

Before you go any further down, I just want to mention this next section will contain spoilers regarding The World of Ptavvs. 

That night I went out with a good friend and of course we did some heavy drinking.

When I got home, my laptop was open and ready for whatever session I had been working on the previous days before. 

The session was a joke I had been working on because I wanted to convince my friend that I could make tech house the way I liked it. But I had been struggling so much to make it work, but I sat anyways and began to mess around with some sounds and to my surprise I was able to put something together that blew drunk me out of this world! 

Of course this happened in maybe an hour or so and there really wasn’t much of a structure other than what I had but I was definitely enjoying what I now had compared to what was there before.

I called it a night and went to bed. 

The next morning I woke up and jumped on Ableton and surprised that what I had wrote down still sounded as good and exciting as I had heard it the night before! I was so excited I made a quick arrangement and exported it out to post it on SoundCloud so my friend could hear what a masterpiece I had put together in my stupor. 

The first thing that came to my mind was Ptavvs.

My copy of Larry Nivens, World of Ptavvs has a neat little illustration on the back cover of the book, with blaring text that demands attention, “GET OUT OF MY MIND!” 

That alone resonated through me and I was so interested in much more the novel could offer me and as I said before, I was only a few chapters into the novel. 

So I continued reading. 

If you have not read the novel, go read it. If you don’t have any interest in the novel and just want to know the story behind the song, then continue. 

Early into the book, things go south for our main character (an alien being pretty much takes over his mind and the minds of many others in an experiment gone wrong but in the process the aline also shares a mind with the main character, so they both become on sin the same) and there’s this small portion where our main characters wife, though not present at the time of the failed experiment, feels that something has gone terribly wrong and sense the danger her husband is now in. 

So she takes action and head down to the laboratory only to find that her worst fears are true and that feeling she held inside her the night before, was correct. 

Reading this excited me because though the nature of this book and the topic of it is between man and alien in a struggle between minds, it was interesting to see the insight that our female character also picked up on these readings of course its just SCIFI and anything is possible but it was an interesting note to take that the author deliberately made this a pivotal moment to add spice and realism to the book in that sense. 

The relationship our main character has with his wife was somewhat strange but it was the most human thing in the novel that I could relate with. 

Im taking both side of the main characters wife and the Thrint Alien, who in a sense has also lost his ability to maintain healthy state of mind, because let’s face it, in this novel, the alien is our very human main character, Larry. 

Let’s talk about our other main character, the Thrint alien.  The bad guy, I guess in this novel. 

I’m not sure if I could really say he was the antagonist because the situation he was put in, really the entire time it seemed like he was reacting to a threat, because he had never faced a species with mental capabilities as a human and the entire time his survival or at least the upper hand he was over humanity is some sort of mental shield that will protect him from incoming mental psych abilities. 

(if I haven’t convinced you enough this far down to go and read the novel for yourself, please at least go and read the synopsis or a brief overview of the novel.)

So, Thrint Alien has met a powerful foe: a human.

And the entire time you are reading the story from the Thrint’s point of view, he is shocked, absolutely stunned by powerful human emotions.

Reading his comments on nicotine addiction, hunger, depression, sadness and even restlessness really brought joy to me because I was listening to someone who was feeling for the very first time human emotion! 

WOW did that drive! 

I had to dedicate this song to this wonderful piece of work. 

But what does this say about me? Or the human race? 

I’m not sure… 

I think the strange thing about life, is the longer you go the more you know, but knowledge isn’t that easy to pass on, not in plain terms at least. 

We can often put mental barriers up when people are tying to help us. 

We can often lower our defenses when people are trying to hurt us. 

We can fall in love one day and hate the next. 

We often do this to ourselves! 

We do a lot of strange things and I would even say the way we react to these emotions is the same as our Thrint Alien in the novel. 

I want to express these ideas and feelings with people without causing them alarm. 

I wasn’t bothered too much about the failed date but I think it would sort of seep in and my voice really came through with the, “I’ve got nothing..” sample. 

This is what motivated me to incorporate the samples that were used in the final version of the song. 

I wanted people to feel that connection or to at least understand what I’m trying to say with the song. 

[linkspooky]

What are your top 5 MHA characters?

I love to talk about the reasons why I love the characters I love. If you ever ask want to ask me who my faves are for a series feel free to send me an ask.

# 1 The Future King - Shigaraki Tomura

Shigaraki is the character who I talk about the most so the fact he is my favorite is probably honest. With each of these characters I am going to elaborate one aspect of them that makes them a fave for this series. For Shigaraki, my favorite thing about him is not that he’s a bastard, but that he’s a wannabe bastard. 

Shigaraki wishes he could be the kind of person that All for One is, who controls everything, who crushes people in his hands, who feels nothing and wants for everything. Shigaraki ultimately will always fall short of All for One the more he strives to be like him, and that’s what I love about his character. Ultimately, he’s a child throwing a self destructive tantrum. 

The greatest thing about Shigaraki is how much he sucks, and how visceral his failures are. Everything he does explodes in his face in the most disastrous way possible. Even when he succeeds, he invites another worse fall for himself. When he manages to kidnap Bakugo succesfully, not only does Bakugo have no interest at all in becoming a villain, but the heroes track down his location and he loses All for One after that. He exeriences what can only be referred to as “fuck up cascades”.  The point is through watching Shigaraki struggle harder than any character in the manga you get a much deeper connection to him. Shigaraki fights in the mountains with no food or water for a month until he goes half insane, and then it switches back to the heroes and they’re all having a fun christmas party and wearing santa outfits. 

All for One is a king who basically exists to be the villain. He’s stopped being a person and only exists in the role of villain he assigns himself. Shigaraki is so desperate to kill the idea that he’s a person, that he feels anything other than an urge to destroy. The more he suppresses himself though, the more he ends up lashing out again. He’s so undeniably human and in paint that it’s impossible for me not to feel for him. He wants to grow up into All for One so bad, but he’s never going to be AFO he can only be the terrible child that he is. 

#2 Himiko Toga - A Normal Girl 

The main villain trio have always been my top three favorite characters, and the dynamic I’ve been most invested in. Himiko emobides why I tend to gravitate towards villains. They are allowed to be themselves more than protagonists tend to be, because protagonists usually have to be relatable to the audience in some way. Himiko is the most well written female character in My Hero Academia. She’s also a weird serial killer. Somehow these two facts are not mutually exclusive. 

In a series where most of the female characters are like one of three “nice girl” personalities, and are at all times cute or presentable Himiko gets to fight right in the center and covered in blood. The reason I like villains so much is because they own their flaws so much. Himiko is half insane and nobody else can understand her, and she already knows that. 

Yet, Himiko is on this self destructive quest to be true to herself that makes her fight along with the rest of the League of Villains. There’s a lot of ideas present in Himiko’s character, and because she’s a villain she gets to be selfish and explore those ideas. I’m not trying ot make some kind of point here, I just like how messy and lopsided Himiko is. She doesn’t know what she wants, she’s continually running away from everything, she’s so so desperate for some kind of love. She’s independent, but also needy as hell. She exists in her own little world, and yet at the same time she’s vary aware of the world around her. I like that she’s hard to understand, and someone you cannot possibly accept either. Himiko just wants to be herself, no matter how ugly or grotesque that self is. 

#3 Dabi - Self Immolation

Yes, a lot of what I like about Dabi is actually what he might be if he turns out to be Touya. At the same time Horikoshi’s writing is not subtle at all, and you can infer a lot of his character based on what little we have. 

One of my favorite characters are those who are motivated by some deep scar to burn everything around them, and don’t care if they themselves are burned up in the fire as well. Dabi strikes me as that kind of byronic hero. A self destructive person barely holding on, and yet his emotions burn so much he has to act on them. 

I like the idea that Dabi himself is aware that Touya is long dead and he looks like some kind of sewn up corpse acting on Touya’s desires. I love the idea that Dabi is aware himself that he’s slowly going crazy but keeps pushing himself anyway, because otherwise why did he burn half of his body up to reach this point? The fact that he isolates himself from others and keeps secrets when the league would obviously help him kill Endeavor if he wanted them to, shows how committed Dabi is to his act of self destruction. Either the world will burn or he will. I find those kind of sentiments deeply moving in characters. 

#4 Hawks - Pride Comes Right Before the Fall 

I adore Hawks for the same reasons I adore Dabi. The tragedy surrounding both of their characters are so similiar and complementary I basically consider them a set. 

Hawks is always putting on a happy face when he’s more miserable than anyobdy else. He’s always pretending to be carefree when he’s more burdened than anybody else. Hawks is losing himself slowly and smiling all the while because he thinks this is what he wants to do. 

He’s interesting because in traditional tragic fashion, his good qualities, his total selflessness towards others, and how observant he is of other people’s needs and desires, are what drive him completely to ruin. People are going to pluck every single one of Hawks’ feathers out until he cannot fly anymore as he keeps letting himself be used again and again. 

#5 - Aizawa Shota - Wannabe Batman

As stated above with Shigaraki there are characters who I love because they are wannabes, that is they are not who they desperately pretend to be. Aizawa is introduced to us a sa strict, unrelentingly cold and logical person. 

While the rest are villains or characters who are expected to fall to villaintry in some way, Aizawa is someone I admire even as a hero because of how complex he is written as a character. Aizawa has set up so many hoops for himself to jump through. He passes himself off as someone who is cold and detached when it’s obvious he’s an overly anxious nightmare who is constantly thinking about others rather than himself. 

He’s someone who believes he cannot show that he is caring in a direct way, so he always has to go through indirect ways. The cirlces he runs himself in around his students is always fun to observe. Aizawa’s big brain and analytical thinking are both his enemies, because they make him think of the ways absolutely everything can go wrong, and on top of that it’s implied Aizawa has lost someone in the past because of an unexpected accident which pushes him even further into wanting to expect everything and be in control of it all. What I like is of all the flawed mentors in the series, Aizawa is presented as one of the more flawed, but also someone who is actively trying to grow and learn as much from his students as they are him. As opposed to All Might who is stuck in his ways. Aizawa’s flaws are never glossed over but are right there for all to see, and his harsh personaltiy is what we are introduced to first before ever getting so much of a glimpse of his soft side which makes him all the more likable to me. 

But then again I just love unlikable people. 

[nautiscarader]

Anonymous asked:

The Hirem celebrating the end of exams with an All-American fuck party.

(Ao3)

As May was slowly coming to a close, so was the exhausting exam session across universities in San Fransokyo, in turn opening a new season of parties for students to celebrate the exams the have passed, or to drown the ones they will have to re-take. Hiro has already attended a few of those, finally being of legal age to drink, but it wasn't until last day of May that he would attend one particular, private party.

He wondered if right now anyone else in the many fraternity homes across the town was having such a great time, embraced in a passionate, loving lock with two other people, undressing each other each kiss. Karmi was easily the most agressive kisser of them all, as evident by hickeys all over Megan's body, who was sandwiched between the two, being the subject of their caresses tonight. After all, she has just finished her first year of college, and it was only fitting if Hiro and Karmi gave her an appropriate present.

The young journalist could finally relax in arms of her lovers. Hiro was tending to her breasts, while Karmi's hands already sneaked between her legs, her fingers dancing along her slit, while her mouth tended to her neck. As the two junior students continued their journey across Megan's body, their faces soon met, and they exchanged a brief kiss, before each one of them took care of one of Megan's breasts. Though one might think that Hiro and Karmi would have put their rivalry beside them, as they were now together, nothing could be further from the truth. If anything, love life only exaggerated their passion for competition, and right now, they each made sure to caress as much of their respective mound as possible, with Megan as an impartial judge.

Hiro concentrated on her right nipple, sucking on it, while Karmi started with area around her left one, sliding her tongue underneath her breast, or, despite Hiro's protest in between them, which they have dubbed the "no-man's land". And Karmi was punished for cheating, when Hiro's hand sneaked between her legs, causing the young biochemist to yelp, which in turn gave Hiro chance to lick the other nipple of their subject. In turn, Karmi grabbed and shoved Hro against the bed, while her hand coiled around his cock, but it was Megan's voice that put them at ease.

- Are you guys gonna keep bickering, or are we gonna fuck?  

Karmi and Hiro exchanged knowing looks, before they got up and crawled towards their lover, assuming their positions, though perhaps not the ones Megan expected. She eyed Hiro, as he cirlced aroud her, and only when he gently tilted her head back, she understood what the two were planning, especially when she felt Karmi's hands spreading her legs.

- Ready? - Hiro addressed Megan, and received an encouraging upside-down nod.

Megan opened her mouth and watched as Hiro's cock slides against her face, while her sex was pressed against Karmi's crotch, aking her automatically close her legs around the girl that was scissoring her. Though Hiro wanted to use her mouth, Megan played by her own rules, giving him slow, meticulous licks at first, just so his journey down her throat would be easier. She let out a prolonged moan when first glimpse of his taste hit her, and that accelerated her desire to feel him in her mouth. Her lips closed around his tip at the same time, as Karmi's lips brushed her clit, making the girl in the middle shudder in excitement.

And when Hiro slid into her mouth, he and Karmi could start working on their girlfriend. True, rivalry was baked into their relationship, but so was cooperation, and when the two did work together, Megan could see how marvellous can two brilliant minds of SFIT be with their powers combined.Though Hiro never considered himself a rather gentle lover, he had to admit, seeing the head of his cock bulging Megan's throat made him feel truly dominant. Conversely, Karmi, who usually preferred angry, fast sex, enjoyed her slow moves against Megan's pussy, listening to her moans, muffled by Hiro's cock. Her fingers tended to Megan's clit, whenever her own wouldn't brush her enough, and she could feel underneath her fingertips the goosebumps that waved through Megean's skin with each of her pushes.

Though she was sandwiched between her two lovers, Megan wasn't idle. Her hands, closed around Hiro's hips, often meandered to his testicles that bounced upside-down in front of her eyes and nose, filling her senses with his musky smell, mixed with a hint of the cologne the girls bought for him on his last birthday. She could feel the tension underneath the skin, caused undoubtedly by weeks of celibacy caused by the exams. Under her gent;e touch, Hiro moaned her name, and somehow Karmi knew she would be able to relieve him of his suffering soon.

But at the same time, she was close as well, due to Karmi's relentless grinding against her sex. With each passing minute, their joined bodies rocked in sync faster, until their moans, both audible and muffled became one. Seeking more stimulation, Karmi leaned forward, just enough so her lips could touch Hiro's, and that made him sheathe himself fully for the first time into Megan's mouth, with each subsequent thrusts only repeating this feat. Her arms and legs were flailing with each spasms of pleasure, and under this much stimuli, it didn't surprise her that she was the first one to cum, soaking Karmi's finger and sex with her explosive orgasm. Hiro followed her soon,, flooding her mouth with his cum and painting the rest of her face white on his way out. and finally, Karmi, with the help of her and Megan's fingers came last, falling to the bed after her hips travelled an exhaustive run across Megan's pussy.

Megan felt dizzy, and not due to her world being turned around. Her body ached with each wave of her climax, strengthened by the stickiness of Hiro's climax in her mouth, belly and on her face, contrasting the sublime wetness of Karmi's on her pussy.

Their boyfriend was quick to handle them towels, and helped the freshman girl roll to her belly, just so she can take a proper breath of air. With her mouth somewhat clean of his spunk, she reached for Hiro's lips, just before Karmi waddled to demand a kiss of her own too, though she didn't mind taking a bit longer to taste a bit of Hiro with her tongue.

- You know, this is always what people told me college would be like, but I never thought this could be real. - Megan spoke, once her lips were free from either of her lovers. - I guess I'm just lucky I have you. - Oh, you are so sweet. - Karmi spoke - But don't think we're done here.

She grabbed her arms and pulled her over her, her arms automatically locking behind Megan's back, while her lips kissed her again. Megan didn't have to ask what Karmi had on her mind, the sound of Hiro's blissful sigh told them they were exatly in the position Karmi wanted.

With their glistening pussies pressed against each other, Hiro's cock sprung back to action, and as he positioned himself against their joined entrances, he was faced with another difficult choice. He wanted his ladies to feel the same burden and pressure, so he made sure to slide his cock from one entrance to the other, giving each one some hope they would be the first one to get penetrated.

And just when he was about to make a final decision, he heard metallic noise from behind him, as the door to Megan's flat were being open.

- I see you've already started. - Gogo started with a snarky comment, looking at the three younger students ina rather compromising position. - Well, come on, don't keep us in suspense! - Megan addressed, turning towards Honey Lemon.

Once the tall girl was inside, she looked at all three of them, shied away for a moment, and then burst into a fit of ecstatic giggles.

- I passed! I finally can drive my own car!

The other three cheered with her, though in their somewhat embarrassing position it looked awkward, but that didn't stop Honey Lemon from reaching each of them for hugs.

- And the best thing is, I only hit *one* tree! - Wait, then how did you pass the test exactly...? - The rubber balls. - Gogo explained, sitting on the other side of the bed. - I was in the middle of the road, was about to crash, so I thought "why not just use what I have in my purse?". So I just stood up and shot the tree with my projectiles through the roof of the car. And I guess the instructor was so impressed that he let me pass. - He might have also passed out afterwards - Gogo added. - Wow. That's... unusual... - Hiro commented - But hey, now we have another thing to celebrate! - Thanks, guys. - Honey Lemon cooed. - Hey, aren't you gonna tell them about my exam?

They all turned towards Gogo, and as their eyes lay on her, they realised that while Honey was talking about her experience, Gogo was busy undoing her clothes. The naked girl crawled towards them, grabbed Honey Lemon's coat, and slid it down in one swoop, exposing her breasts to the other three.

- Oh, yes! Gogo had a very important one in her new job! - Honey Lemon exclaimed, while she continued undoing her clothes on her own. - A health and safety one. - And she aced it! - I just sprayed someone with a fire extinguisher. - she blew and popped a piece of bubble gum. - But you know what that means? - Karmi added - We all passed our tests! - Not quite. - Gogo interrupted her. - There is still one ahead of you, Hiro...

And as the four stunning, naked ladies turned towards him, eyeing him with their lusty stares, young Hiro Hamada understood this might be the most important exam of his life. And for once, he wouldn't mind retaking it over and over again...

[littledreamybeth]

Lost Angel

A/N: Hey guys this an editted reupload from a work that I had shared over two years ago! I’m gonna rewrite some stories from time to time :)

Warnings: act of violence, mentions of blood & death 

-edited-

I slam the door behind me as I enter my bedroom, leaning my back against it. My entire body feels numb and I have no power over myself anymore. My eyes are red and swollen from the uncontrolling tears that I’ve shared not a very long tim ago, and all I do feel is pain. An unimaginable pain that kills me from the inside. An unimaginable pain that stabs my heart like thousand knives. An unimaginable pain that tears me apart. My legs can no longer hold me steady, resulting in me sliding down the door, wrapping my arms around my knees and starting to sob again. How can my day end like this?

My happiest night has turned out to be my worst nightmare. I still cannot process everything that has happened in the last couple of hours. Everything has gone so fast and I couldn’t prevent it from happening. I treid fighting , but I wasn’t strong enough. My struggles were not enough to protect him and to keep him safe. I have failed him.

Why? Is all I can think about. Why did it happen? Why did I lose him? Why? Why? Why?

My throat begins to ache as I scream out this question over and over again, until I cannot handle it anymore, and my vocal cords begin to ache. I weigh my body back and forth in order to calm down, but I can’t. The pain-  the pain in my chest is too unbearable. I feel like I’m dying. I feel like someone knocked the air out of my lungs. I feel as if someone ripped my heart out of my chest, stomping on it in front of my eyes.

I want him back- I only want him back. His kiss, that he has given me for the last time, still lingers on my lips. The feeling of his arms wrapping around my waist is still present. His beautiful scent- I can smell it as if he’s right next to me. But he isn’t- not anymore. I will never see him again.

I will never have the chance to kiss him one more time. I will never be able to hold him or to talk to him again. All these chances are now taken away from me. No more hugs, no more late night calls, no more “I love you’s” escaping from his beautiful lips.

If I had known what the night would turn into, I would have never agreed to go to this fucking party.

The darkness of my room is a perfect contrast to what I feel now. Emptiness. My other half is gone, leaving me alone in void and with a broken heart.

Still sobbing and choking, I tug at my hair. I try to erase the memory from this night, but I fail. That moment- that horrible moment is burnt deep in the back of my head. I blame myself even though I know that it’s clearly not my fault.. I take the whole responsibility for that terrible event of the night even though I shouldn’t, because I had no control over it.  When I open my eyes, I can see his lifeless and motionsless body in front of me once more. This picture is so vivid.

“No!” I shake my head heavily in denial. “No! No!” I want these images to leave my mind and never return. I never want to be reminded of this night. Never!

“Marcel…” I whimper out, my heart feeling thousand times heavier. “Please come back to me… please baby…”

-Few hours ago-

“Look at the stars. They’re shining very bright tonight, don’t you think?” Marcel pointed to the sky. We were strolling over the huge football field of our school, enjoying each other’s presence. His warm hand was intertwined with mine as we walked around. Marcel’s always been a fan of the stars and  the galaxy in general.

I looked up, staring at the tiny dots that decorated the dark sky, illuminating the large black layer with their light. The wind blew lightly at our faces, and the atmosphere fitted perfectly to the moment that I was able to spend with Marcel.

“They’re beautiful,” I commented.

“Just like you, sweetheart,” he answered, kissing my temple. Why did I see this coming?

“Aww, stop Marcel.” I pushed him gently away, my cheeks turning red from his compliment.

“I’m just telling the truth, darling!” He laughed and pushed me back against his chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck, nestling my face into the crook of his neck. If you  had asked me;  we could have stayed here, in the middle of the huge football field, all night long, just like this- being in each other’s arms. Having Marcel in my life made a lot of things easier for me.

I felt his strong heart beat  drumming against my ear. A wonderful sound that always calmed me down when I had to deal with anxiety or stress. My fingers wandered up his neck, playing with the tiny curls that he couldn’t treat with hair gel. I didn’t really comprehend why he prefered to use that shit, his natural curls looked much more better on him than his slick hair combed to the side.

A pleased hum came out from his mouth. “Do you want to go back to the party?” He asked.

I shook my head no. I’d rather spend more time with my boyfriend here, where no single soul could disturb us. Also, I  really had no desire to see all those people who had fun making Marcel’s life a living hell. We had been there already, but when some of those arrogant people spotted us and started to insult Marcel, I couldn’t hold on anymore and asked my boyfriend to leave. I knew he didin’t mind these words being thrown at him, but to me they were like a spear through my heart.

A few of those people were supposed to be my best friends, and I felt disgusted that I used to hang out with them in the past. I had belonged to the famous cirlce of popular students at our school, but traded that label against going out with Marcel. One they had found out about it, they immediately had excluded me from their group. I didn’t mind if I’m honest. I didn’t care for fame. I didn’t care if the other’s described me as the nerd’s girlfriend. I was totally satisfied with that name, and I couldn’t complain about it. I loved Marcel and stood up for him, and that was the most important thing.

“Come on, let’s take a seat,” Marcel suggested, leading us to the benches. As we sat down, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, keeping me warm at the same time. I’ve already gone out with many boys, but no one ever made me feel like Marcel did. Special.

He treated me like a gentleman- with care, respect and love. Not even my ex Jason, who also had a reputation at our school, could manage to give me affection. We had dated, yeah, but I think as for him, it was more about being the hottest couple at the entire school. He never gave me the feeling that he was really interested in me. I suppose, I had worked more for our relationship than he did.

“I can’t wait to graduate,” I sighed, leaning on his shoulder. In a few months, we would finish school. I couldn’t wait any longer for it. Marcel and I decided to move in together and to study at the same university. I was so eager to leave everything of this life behind and to start a new chapter. I was looking forward for our common future. One day, I would marry Marcel, and we would have lots of children playing in the backyard of our huge house. Just the plain thought of it let my heart doing flips. A smile crept its way on my lips, and Marcel noticed.

“What are you thinking about?” he inquired, giving me a tender kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his sweet gesture.

“I’m just imagining our future life. You and me as a married couple with little children. I’m really looking forward to that moment.”

“Oh, my pretty angel,” Marcel spoke lovingly, “I can’t wait for it, too. If you ask me, I would want us to marry and have babies now, but we’re too young. We have to concentrate on our career and education first. And when the time has arrived and we both feel ready for it, I will go down on my knees and ask you to marry me. It’ll be special, I promise.”

“Marcel…” I whispered, tears threatening to fall down my cheeks. Sometimes, he made me so emotional that I couldn’t help but tear up to the promises he would make me.

“Don’t cry my, love,” he responded, wiping away the single tear that had escaped my eye.

“I love you so much, Marcel,” I mumbled, bending forward to capture his lips with mine.

“I love you too, my angel,” he murmured before our lips met to a passionate kiss.

Thousand butterflies erupted in my stomach, and I felt tingles running through my entire body- every single part of me felt alive. Words couldn’t describe how much love I felt for this young man in my arms. How much I admired and adored him! He was my everything. The air for my lungs. The reason why I woke up every day and endured my not so spectacular life. The reason for my smile. I would never be able to love somebody else as much as I loved Marcel. As long as we were together, everything else didn’t matter for me.

As we pulled back, a genuine smile decorated our soft lips.

“Do you want to go home?” he asked and I nodded. It had become very late already, and I felt a huge load of exhaustion weighing on my shoulders. I only wanted to go back home with Marcel, who would be sleeping at my place, and cuddle against him. We stood up, his body pressed to my side as we walked along the entire field to the gate.

And that’s the moment where the nightmare began. Fate took its course.

We noticed someone shouting in the middle of the night, probably some drunk ass students from school. Like mentioned before, there was a party taking place, and everyone was invited. As we saw them coming towards us, my nails dug into Marcel’s arm, an uneasy feeling was overwhelming me.

And as I realized that it was Jason and two of his pals, I felt more insecure. Normally, I wasn’t afraid of Jason, but when he was drunk, he completely changed and became unrecognizable.

“Look who we have here!” Jason slurred, he seemed to be completely drunk. “(Y/N) and Marcel! What a lovely surprise! Haven’t expected you guys to be here! What were you doing?”

His two friends laughed, and I rolled my eyes, clearly not having desire for his stupid behavior.

“Hey Jason,” Marcel said confidently, standing in front of me like a shield and trying to protect me from my ex-boyfriend. “We were about to go.” Just as we tried to pass the three wasted boys, Jason pushed us back.

“But we just came!” he whined. “Why don’t you guys stay here and have a little bit fun with us, huh?” His eyes wandered down my body while he was licking his bottom lip. I felt disgusted and uneasy under his gaze. Marcel held me closer to his side.

“No thank you,” he spat.”We are going now.” I admired Marcel’s braveness. I was ashamed that I couldn’t form a single word.

Jason’s eyes turned into a darker shade, and it scared me. He still couldn’t bear the fact that I had dumped him for Marcel. His stupid, big ego didn’t understand, and he had refused move on from our breakup. Even though he knew I had another boyfriend, he still chased after me. I knew he wanted a pay back. He wanted his revenge. And now, with his veins filled with alcohol, he made a dangerous appearance.

I felt a firm grip on my wrist that pulled me away from Marcel. “You can go, nerd. We will have fun without you, right (Y/N)?” Jason growled.

“Let me go, Jason!” I ordered, trying to get rid of his grab. But he refused to take his hand off of me.

“Leave my girlfriend alone!” Marcel interfered, pushing Jason hardly away from me. Jason stumbled back, almost falling to the ground, but managed to keep his balance.

“Look at that!” Jason laughed. “The nerd finally showing his balls! Very cute.”

“Stop it, Jason!” I shouted. I wanted to prevent a fight between them and just go home as soon as possible.

“What?” Jason laughed. It was obvious that he found it amusing.”C’mon (Y/N), you know I’m better than he is and he’ll ever be. Come with me and I will make you feel good.”

“It’s not the way you treat a woman, you asshole!” Marcel screeched, anger was boiling in his veins I could tell. “She’s not a fucking object!”

“What did you just say?” Jason shouted, triggered by the word.

“Asshole. You’re an asshole. That’s what I’ve said. You’re sick, Jason. You have no respect for woman or for anyone else. You just care about yourself! And you shall be man? I feel sorry for you!”

And that was a moment for Jason in which exploded. No one was ever allowed to insult or underestimate his masculinity. “You’re going to pay for this, you fucking loser!”

Jason took us all off guard when he punched Marcel on his nose very hard, making him fall to the ground. I could practically hear it crack. A thick layer of blood trickled down his nostrils.

“Marcel!” I screamed, moving forward to help, but suddenly, I was held back by one of Jason’s drunk friends. He held me so tight, I couldn’t escape out of his arms. I could feel a bruise forming on that particular spot.

I had to watch how Jason and his other friend began to beat my boyfriend. They wouldn’t stop kicking him. “Stop!” I cried. “Please stop!” I couldn’t bear to see him getting hurt. Tears wouldn’t stop streaming down my cheeks, and no matter how much I struggled to get to my boyfriend, it didn’t worked. So I screamed.

“Help!” I hoped that someone would hear my desperate cries and come to the rescue. But no avail.

One of them hit Marcel on his chest, whereas a suffocated sound passed his lips. That sound agonizingly pierced through my ears. I watched as his upper body lifted and fell slowly. His limbs began to become weaker and weaker. He struggled to breathe. His terrified eyes met mine, begging me to save him, however, my hands were tied by this god damned fucker. I stepped on his foot, and with a scream he shortly released me, only to catch me again. He slapped me hard.

“Y/N!” Marcel croaked. He raised one arm as if he was trying to reach out to me. “My..my…” was all that he waerily whimpered. I struggled to decipher his message as suddenly it began to hit me. Marcel had a fucking heart issue! How could I forget?! How often had I went to the hospital with him, where doctors had ordered many times that Marcel should take it easy on himself and spare himself from trouble.  

He would die if they didn’t stop instantly. “Jason! Please stop! Stop! You’re going to kill him! Please stop!” I pleaded, but they ignored me totally.

“That happens when you mess with me!” Jason growled, keeping hitting on my boyfriend. Marcel tried to weakly fend off the kicks. His moans and groans burnt themselves into my mind.

Jason hit his chest again, so hard that Marcel screamed in pain this time. “Jason! Stop! Please, I’ll do what you want, please!” I would do anything he wanted me to. He just should get away from Marcel.

As the two guys kicked him for the very last time, Jason’s final blow hit Marcel’s chest right were his heart was placed, my boyfriend’s eyes meeting mine as if he wanted to appologize, his lips breathing “I love you”. Then he closed his emerald green eyes and stopped moving, laying motionless on the ground. I screeched so loud that the whole world  probably had heard me.

Jason looked at me, clear confusion written across his face.

And as he and his friends realized that Marcel wasn’t moving anymore, panic arose in them and  they cowardly fled.

“Fuck, let’s get out of here!”

The boy, who had hold me back the entire time, pushed me to the ground and ran away. I landed hard on my knees, tears streaming uncontrollably down my cheeks as I crawled my way to Marcel on all fours.

“No… No.. no no no.” I sobbed when I reached him. His beautiful face was covered in blood and bruises. His glasses  and his nose were broken. He looked terrible. “Marcel…” I whimpered, shaking his body, but he didn’t respond. I tried once more. Again, there was no reaction.I prayed from the bottom of my heart that he was only unconcious and not what I thought he would be.

My trembly fingers went to  check his pulse. My heart dropped and a cold shiver ran down my entire body. I couldn’t find it. There was no pulse anymore. I was paralyzed for a moment. This couldn’t be true. So, I checked it again but I didn’t feel it. “No…” I shook my head in denial. He couldn’t be gone. He couldn’t be dead. This was just a fucking nightmare. If I closed and opened my eyes again, Marcel would be standing in front of me, all alive and smiling. He would embrace me and tell me that he was fine and that I had no need to worry about him. However, as I did, nothing that I hoped happened. Marcel’s corpse still laid in front of me.

“No, Marcel! Don’t do this to me, please!” My hands went down to his chest to give him a heart massage. That’s what I did. Pushing on his chest and checking up his pulse. I never received a response. No matter how much I tried. “Don’t do this to me, Marcel. Don’t die on me! Don’t die on me! Come on! Please!”

I was a crying mess, not wanting to believe that I’ve lost the love of my life. I had watched him die, taking his last breath in the worst way ever. “Marcel, baby, don’t do this to me! Don’t die on me baby, please!” I kissed his forehead. His cheeks. His lips. Hoping he would open his mesmerizing green eyes again. “You promised Marcel, we were going to marry! You wanted to propose to me one day, asking me to be your wife. You can’t let this go! Don’t leave me alone, my love, I’m begging you!” I buried my face in the crook of his neck, my eyes wetting his soft  and smooth skin. “Marcel… What am I going to do without you?! Baby, you can’t die, you can’t leave me alone! Wake up please!” I repeated over and over again. “Please, Marcel!”

As much as it hurt, I knew he would never come back to me again. My baby, my Marcel had become an angel now.

-Present-

“I love you… I love you so much, baby,” I sob, staining my pillow with my tears. It hurts. It hurts so fucking damn much. Even lying in my bed hurts. Macel and I have made so many memories in here and now, I feel trapped in my own bedroom, sulking in the remains of the past. If I only had the chance to rewind time, then I would’ve never left my house. I would’ve asked him to come over, so we could have a date night at my place. I could slap myself. Why did I suggest to go to that stupid party? Why?

“Look at what you’ve done!” I shout at myself. “He’s dead. He’s dead because of you stupid bitch!”

I scream loud. What will I do now? Everything is going to become different.

Without Marcel, my life will make no sense anymore. Without him, living will not  worth anything. Without him, I will never feel love again.

[karenbrewsterfindingyou-blog]

Our Story

I have been working in mental health for nearly two decades. I have taught trainee counsellors and i am a very experienced, highly qualified, psychotherapist/counsellor and have been running a highly successful, established private counselling practice in Bishops Stortford for over ten years. I have over a decade of a wide range of self-development work under my belt which is enabling me to navigate these turbulent times in a way that keeps me very grounded so that i am better placed and able to support and serve you through these unprecedented times. I am also a Yogi and student of the Sacred Trust, where i have had the privilege to meet and learn from some extraordinary Shamanic teachers, who have guided and mentored me into how to embody and embrace Shamanic teachings and Shamnic ways of being, in such a way that i have found really healing and hope you will too. I find myself in these turbulent times sitting with the question, how can i support you through this time of great turmoil and change? How does my counselling practice need to evolve and grow in a way that better serves you at this time? I am a highly qualified and very experienced therapist, whith a post graduate diploma in couple therapy and run a very successful and established couple therapy practice. Along side this practice i also run an established and highly successful one to one counselling practice and can support you with a wide range of issues such as anxiety, stress, depression, abuse, grief, loss and low self-esteem. Fear seems to be the energy that feels all-consuming at the moment and i am wondering if you have been or are caught in that too. I am evolving my practice in a way that i hope will combine my skills, grounding and knowledge gained from great psychotherapists such as Freud, Bowlby and Carl Rogers to name but a few with new emerging skills and knowledge being passed onto me from some extraordinary Shamanic teachers and healers. The Coronavirus has made me reflect on how unique, different and similar we are. And how connected we are and at the same time how disconnected with ourselves we are and the Earth that we live on, which sustains us and yet we have taken for granted for far too long. I believe i have a unique combination of skills and knowledge that serve me well, with which i would welcome the opportunity to use in order to support and serve you. "We live on a blue planet. That cirlces around a ball of fire. Next to a moon that moves the sea" And you dont believe in miracles? Read the full article

[harringrovehouse]

Love Him for Who He Is.

In 2012 Tommy needs some advice from Billy.

“Hey Dad?” The door opens and Nora’s head appears in the crack, Billy barely glances up from the reports he’a trying to file.

“Yeah baby girl, what’s up?” Normally Billy would have given Nora his full and undivided attention, but he only had a small amount of time to finish these reports before his paternity leave kicked in and he’d be locked out of the system for the next six to eight months.

“Well uh Mr. Hall is at the door, you know that Mr. Hall. Yeah he says he needs to speak with you.” Billy paused from signing his name under ‘Sheriff’ and looked up at his daughter, she stood in the doorway shrugging. “He didn’t say what it was about. Just asked if my dad was home.” Billy sighed and stood up, pushing his chair backwards and making his way to the door. Nora backed up, her arms opening wide as she gestured him towards the door. Billy rolled his eyes at her.

“Don’t you have homework to do?” She shrugged again.

“This is going to be far more interesting than Geometry.”

“Homework, now!”

Nora gave a huge sigh and rolled her eyes, walking back upstairs to her room. Billy waited until he heard her door close before he continued towards the door. Stopping to collect his thoughts before he opened it. They hadn’t seen Tommy since they moved back to Hawkins, it had been at the annual 4th of July picnic/free swim at the community pool and Tommy had been drunk. Like drunk, Hopper had taken him in for being 3x over the legal limit. Steve had been playing with their new baby girl, Hailey, tickling her tummy while he kept an eye on Nora and Chase in the kiddie pool. Billy had left his family just long enough to get drinks and burgers, he had looked away for just a moment before Nora’s screech had brought his attention right back to them.

In the time Billy had been distracted Tommy had stumbled up to Steve and started hurling slurs at him. Calling him a fag, and yelling about how they shouldn’t have ever been given kids in the first place. Tommy had grabbed Steve’s tank top and hauled him up off the blanket, Steve had only just managing to avoid stepping on a screaming Hailey.

Billy had dropped the items he was carrying and raced back to his family but before he could get there Steve had straightenedup and cleaned Tommy’s clock, hit him so hard Tommy stumbled backwards and into the pool. Where a bloom of blood had erupted and caused people to jump out of the water. Billy collected Hailey in his arms just before Steve had whipped around and kissed him, in front of god and the whole town.

“Anyone else got issues with my family!” Steve had asked when he pulled away, knuckles bloody and face hard. No one had bothered them since then.

Tommy had been fined for public intoxicating and disturbing the peace, he and Carol had then moved to Indianapolis for a few years. People in the town still gave Tommy the odd look here and there but for the most part he seemes to have cleaned up and kept on the straight and narrow. That didn’t mean Billy trusted him around his family, Nora and Chase had had nightmares for weeks after the incident and Steve hadn’t slept for a week worrying that the whole damn town would be after them next. Billy had wanted to take them back to California, but Steve insisted that they stay. For his Mom, for Max and Lucas who were young parents struggling to go to college and keep food on the table, for Joyce and Hopper. They’d returned to Indiana for their family, and Steve wasn’t about to allow Tommy Hall to ruin their fucking lives because he was a bigot. If anyone else in the town had an issue well fuck them too, Steve had no problem breaking their noses too.

Billy schooled his face and opened the door. Tommy was standing on the other side, looking pale and shaking as he clutched his hat. “Tommy.” Billy greeted, leaning against the door, blocking the inside of the house from view.

“Uh, Sheriff.” Tommy looked up at Billy’s face and then back down to the ground. “How are you today?”

“Cut the small talk Hall. My kid said you needed to talk to me about something? Someone steal the neon from shop again or something?”

“No, uh no this is more personal.” Tommy shuffled.

“Okay, wel if you need to file a report or something Hank at the station can help-“

“No!” Tommy winced at how loud his voice had just gotten, eyeing Billy’s badge. He’s shoulders sagged and he rubbed his face. “I need to talk to,to” He seemed to struggle with the right words.

“Me?” Billy offered and Tommy nodded dumbly, Billy sighed. When he took over the job from Hop no one told him he’d also become the most unqualified therapist this town had. “Fine, make it quick.” Billy closed the front door and motioned for Tommy to follow him around the side of the house to the side garden, to a small table and chairs. Tommy feel heavily into the chair Billy offered and scrubbed at his face.

“I’m really sorry.” He mumbled and Billy gave him a look. “F-for coming to your home, but I didn’t know who else to talk to and you weren’t at the station.” Billy raised an eyebrow, Tommy had been to the station? “I know I’m probably the last person who should be asking for any kind of favor or advice, but Billy, man. I’m so lost right now.” Tommy looked up at him and Billy could see it, he could see the man drowning behind those eyes. And desite their personal history Billy was still the Sheriff, and it was his duty to serve and protect the people of Hawkins. That included Tommy Hall.

“What’s happening man?”

“It’s Troy,” Tommy and Carol had two boys and two girls. Troy was their oldest boy, he and Nora were in the same age. Billy knew Troy very well as well. From 6th grade to 10th grade Troy Hall and Nora Hargrove-Harrington had hated each other, more than a few times they had both ended up in the Principals office because their fighting had turned physically. It wasn’t until the middle of their 10th grade year did that change, Billy was sure no one knew exactly what but the two of them seemed to have reached a compromise and where no longer in danger of being expelled every other week.

“Oh. Uh he and Nora, they haven’t been fighting again?” Steve would have said something if Nore and Troy had been taken to see their Principal again, but Billy couldn’t remember anything like that being mentioned.

“No! No in fact Nora’s been really really helpful. She uh she’s the one that convinced Troy to tell me.” Tommy seemed to have lost the ability to form words again, Billy sat back and watched him flounder until finally Tommy sighed and looked skyward. “Troy came out to me today.” Billy felt his mouth open a bit, he had not been expecting that.

“Wow. That’s a big step.” Any kid who came out deserved an award in Billy’s opinion. But especially one who had a father like Tommy. “He’s a brave boy.”

Tommy seemed to struggle with something, tears forming in his eyes before he nodded. “He thought I wouldn’t love him.” And then Tommy was crying into the table, Billy jerked back a bit in surprised before he huffed and pulled Tommy up.

“And what the fuck did you say to that?” Billy didn’t have time for Tommy’s shit.

“I said nothing could ever change how I felt about him! He’s my fucking boy!” Tommy looked a mess, it would have been sad to see a full grown man like this but Billy understood. To a degree. “I-I’ll always love him! He and his sibling could burn half this country down and I’d still love them more than anything in this world.”

“Okay! Then why you here man?!” Billy was lost.

“Because man, I love him but the rest of the world, they won’t.” Tommy wiped at his face and dropped his head. “I treated you and Steve like shit when you first came back, let those old bastards down at Bill’s run their mouths about you guys. Call you fags and shit. I let the drink run my mouth for me. I wasn’t worth the air I had, and now! Now my boy is going to have to head out into the world and deal with all the same type of people.” Tommy’s shoudler shook and he looked up at Billy helplessly. “How do I protect him from that Billy. How do I!”

Billy swallowed the lump in his throat and stared at Tommy. Billy had always assumed Tommy, like a majority of people in Hawkins, was just a productive of his small town environment. That he never experienced the real world so he never related to people outside of their own cirlce of ‘normal’ and that they weren’t self aware enough to realize that the world wasn’t as cherry pie as Hawkins was. Billy was both pleasently surprised that Tommy seemed to realize how shit his behavior had been and absolutely dumbfounded that Tommy also realized that now that he knew his child wasn’t ‘normal’ like Hawkins wanted to define the word that he’d be subjected to the same behaviors that Tommy had once forced upon others. It was a strange feeling, realizing your old high school friend wasn’t as stupid as you always thought he was. Billy guessed it was partly from finally maturing past the mental age of 17 and being a parent.

“What do I do Billy. How can I keep him safe.” Tommy was practically begging this time and Billy sighed.

“You love him Tommy. Love him like you always have.” Billy thought bitterly about his own father and about Steve’s, about how they had vowed to never become a thing like those men. “You love him because you’re right Tommy, this world ain’t shit and no one is going to love them as much or as hard as you man. You’re his Dad, no one is every going to mean as much to him as you do. You and Carol are that kid’s whole life. I know he probably doesn’t act like it, but trust me, loving your parents and wanting your parents to love you back is something every kid wants. But the need to be loved, and the fear of being turned away, even by your parents is so strong when you’re the gay kid.” The sharp pain of Neil’s hand across Billy’s face when he told him about Steve was still fresh on Billy’s face. Neil had been hitting him for years before that, but to have that final blow happen sealed the deal. Neil had never loved Billy. But Tommy, Tommy wasn’t Neil. He might have been a loudmouth and an asshole for a bit but he had always been a good Dad to his kids. All he needed to do was continue exactly what he had always been doing. “Just be there for him, love him when he needs it, be his support system when need one, be there for him when bad things happen. Because they will Tommy. He’ll get hurt, by words and maybe even physically so you need to be there. Make up for the shit the world is going to throw at him, that’s all you need to do.”

Tommy broke down again, and this time Billy placed a hand on his shoulder and listened to Tommy’s fears and concerns. He listened to Tommy until the sky began to darken, and Steve’s car rolled into the driveway and Tommy’s phone buzzed.

“It’s Troy.” Tommy said with a sniff.

“Answer it man.” Billy watched as Steve poked his head around the side of the house, one eyebrow raised before he gestured to the bags in his hands and headed inside the house.

“Yeah bud, of course I can give you a ride. Don’t even worry.” Tommy hung up and smiled down at his screen. All four of his kids smiled back at him. “He just got done with baseball practice, asked for a ride.”

“Go get him man.” Billy stood and Tommy followed quickly, hand out.

“Thank you Billy. Thank you so much man, and I’m sorry. I-I really am.” They shook hands and Billy nodded, he and Steve could handle themselves. They’d put Tommy and his shit in the back of their minds.

“Just be a good Dad to your son Tommy. He deserves that.”

They walked to the front of the hosue together, findinf Steve, Nora and Hailey unloading the grocery bags. Billy watched as Steve gave Tommy a look, before returning to the grocery bags.

“Thanks again Billy.” Tommy shook his hand again before disappearing into his truck and driving away.

“What was that about?” Steve snorted, shoving a couple of bags into Billy arms.

“Troy came out to his Dad today.” Nora supplied, digging through a bag and pulling out a thing of M&Ms. Steve took them away from her, and shoved them into his front pocket. “Heyyy you said you’d get those for me.” She pouted and Steve handed her the eggs.

“After dinner. And did he? That’s very brave of him.”

“It is.” Nora agree, snatching the candy back when Steve wasn’t looking. “He was really worried that his parents weren’t going to be okay with him but I told him my Dad would shot his Dad if he hurt him and that he could come live with us if he needed to. It took a bit but he’s said he finally got the courage to tell his parents this morning.” Steve and Billy looked at each other, at least they finally knew what had happened in 10th grade.

“Did you now. You know you’re father is the town Sheriff, he can’t just go around shotting people.” Steve told her. Nora narrowed her eyes at him.

“I was talking about you. Dad would just use his fists.” Billy made an offended nosie, he’d come a long way with his anger management. Nora tossed him a look. “And I’d have helped!” She ripped the M&Ms open and dumped them into her mouth.

“Hey! Dinner!” Steve grabbed the last of the bags and chased their daughter back into the house. Billy watched them go, a heavy content feeling in his chest. He’d never gotten the same level of love he knew Tommy had for his son, but that didn’t matter anymore, Billy’s own children had grown up knowing their fathers loved them, enough to offer them up at substitute fathers for a scared boy. Billy supposed he’d was doing something right.

————————-

This idea came to me and I just needes to write it down. I liked the idea of Tommy being a dick to Steve/Billy when they came out, but then his own son comes out to him and suddenly Tommy realizes what a shit person he was and goes to talk to Billy about it. Also idk I like Hall as Tommy’s last name they’re probably gonna give him some dumb stupid long ass last name just to fuck with us XD I can feel it!

Hope you like it!

[whattoreadinsteadofdrinking]

birthday party/week recap aka this post is long af

This week was really intense for a lot of reasons, and despite having slept for 12 hours last night I woke up tired and cranky and full of the bad kind of regret feelings that usually I associate with drinking, only now I am associating them with other things, like being honest and vulnerable, so I’m gonna write it all out.  Heads up that this will be long, boring, and you probably don’t want or need to read all of this since it’s just a bunch of rambling and my attempt to get my thoughts straight so I can have a more balanced day.

I knew this week was coming up and I knew it would be a long one.  On Thursday, I was scheduled to be a guest speaker at a fundraising banquet for a program that gets scholarships for low income students so they can leave our public school system (which in my area, is basically a systematic way to keep poor kids poor) and into private schools where they have a great chance of success.  I was chosen to speak because I used to work for the public schools here, and while I believe wholeheartedly in public schooling, it only works if the wealthy actually pay their goddamn taxes instead of opting out of it.  Our schools in the public sector here are so bad that I had 8th grade students who could not read.  I mean really could not read at all.   I could write a lot about that but I won’t.  

I’ve been practicing my speech but the thing is that it’s a topic I’m really passionate about and it makes me emotional.  As I’ve written about on here before, I began really drinking when I began teaching, so in the past, the way I dealt with the emotions this brought up was to have a beer (read: 5 beers).  Talking about my experience in the public school system over and over, to myself, and then preparing to do it in front of a hundred people, was A Whole Lot.  And then on Thursday when it was time to do it, I almost cried at the end when I was sharing about the progress one of my kiddos has made in my current (private) school.  It was a good speech and was received well, and I don’t feel bad about getting that “oohhhh she’s close to tears” voice in front of people because let’s be honest people CRY SOMETIMES, but my boss made a weird comment about it at work the next day and now I am paranoid that I sounded like an ass who couldn’t get it together.  Her comment singlehandedly took what felt like a victory and turned it into something I am a little embarrassed by.  I am aware that I am the one letting her comment have that much weight but I can’t seem to un-feel it. I can think through it and realize it doesn’t matter and her opinion doesn’t matter but I can’t un-feel how unhappy it made me to hear that, if that makes sense.

The theme of “being vulnerable in front of others” from that night was just a huge carry-over from Wednesday, when I shared some really upsetting and frank truths about my journey in group.  It was hard but needed.  I don’t regret it, and everyone else was sharing, and honestly it felt like a huge weight off my shoulders to be that honest with people about where I’m at, but like.  Telling people you’re an addict is hard.  And you can’t take it back.  They will never un-know it now.  They will know that about me forever.  I feel good about having said what I said and simultaneously I feel like Toby from the Office during that scene when he accidentally touches Pam’s leg, realizes he’s exposed himself in a humiliating way, and announces that he’s moving to Costa Rica.  Then runs and jumps the fence of the office park and runs away into the night.  I want to jump the fence and run into the night and move to Costa Rica.  That’s how being vulnerable with others makes me feel.

So Wednesday, vulnerable at group, Thursday, vulnerable in a speech in front of a hundred people (many of whom are my coworkers, friends, and superiors at work), and yesterday was my birthday.  I planned a birthday that I wanted rather than the one I thought I should have-- i.e, I didn’t invite some people from my friend group who upset me or who I feel do not respect my boundaries.  I also invited people from a bunch of different areas of my life, which, while not a big deal in itself, felt a little like taking the compartments out of my social scene because many of them have not met each other before.  I was feeling good about it until my one friend asked when J was coming and if I’d had a text from him asking about where we were.  I replied that J hadn’t texted me.  He kept asking questions til I said, “well, I didn’t invite him.  It’s nothing personal, we just aren’t that close.”  My friend looked really taken aback because this guy is a close part of our mutual friend group.  What he doesn’t know is that J is a creep who continues to infringe on my boundaries by asking me personal and inappropriate questions, sharing things with me that I do not wish to know, and not taking “no” for an answer when he asks me on a date (I wrote a REALLY long post about this situation a while ago.  It continues to be sucky and terrible.) Our other friend, who is basically the most smiley human being on this planet, began frowning at me, so I clarified by saying that when you have a lot of friends, the downside is that you have to choose who to invite to your birthday party out of a big group and so I only invited people I felt closest to. 

I want to just tell my friends that this guy is a creep but they are men, and no offense to them, but I already know that they are the kind of dudes who are not going to understand why having to repeat “no” to a guy over and over can be triggering.  And I don’t owe them an explanation for that or for any reason why a man may be unsettling to me.  I am not Gandalf, I do not need to be their wise guide through the lands of “This is What Misogyny Is And How It Complicates Women’s Lives” Middle Earth.

Anyway they gave me some weird looks and now I am nervous because they told me they told this dude about the party.  So I’m waiting for him to confront me on that. Yay.

Then I was dancing with my friend and she spun me around and I accidentally lost my footing and fell fully backwards onto the guy behind me.  It hurt my back.  Everyone saw.  It was embarrassing. Dancing has been a way for me to practice being more in my body and vulnerable, a thing I chose to do as I started this sobriety thing, both to take up time and connect with others. Falling over while dancing, in front of literally all my closest friends, felt like a metaphor for this entire week.  Because it turns out that being vulnerable sometimes feels awesome and works out great, and sometimes ends up with you looking like an idiot in front of people who matter to you, and the hard thing about being vulnerable is that you have to accept both outcomes.  You have to be ready to fall on your ass, in public, on your birthday.  You can’t just have the sunshine-y smiley fun times, and have those mean anything, without risking looking like a fool.

I used to cover up the times I felt like a fool by drinking.  Or, I would drink to feel connected to others and not lonely and disengaged enough that I didn’t feel the need to share who I was, and avoid ever feeling foolish at all.  Now it’s Saturday, I slept for 12 hours, I am fed and hydrated and ready for the day, and my brain is just running in cirlces inside my head shouting “YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT! EVERYONE THINKS YOU’RE AN IDIOT!  GOOD LUCK FACING PEOPLE NEXT WEEK!  JUMP THE FENCE AND MOVE TO COSTA RICA! ABORT SOBRIETY, ABORT FRIENDSHIPS, DON’T GO DANCE CLASS TOMORROW, STAY QUIET ABOUT THAT RUDE GUY AND APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE TIL THEY REALLY CAN’T STAND YOU! WOOOOOO!”

But. but.  I am gonna quiet my brain down.  I am gonna cook stir fry and listen to a Beatles album.  I am gonna post this long-ass post, and truly may God bless you if you’ve read this far because for heaven’s sake I can’t imagine how bored you are, and let all the feelings go.  I am gonna call my sister and go for a long walk. I  am gonna continue to see my friends and not apologize for anything I’ve done this week because you know what?  I DO NOT NEED TO BE SORRY FOR BEING A HUMAN BEING.  I don’t need to be sorry for sharing my story of teaching, and having an emotional reaction to what is a huge horrifying injustice that keeps poor people of color from having the same chances in life as white suburban kids.  I don’t need to apologize for sharing my story in a group that is specifically about sharing our stories.  I don’t need to apologize for keeping space between me and people who refuse to respect boundaries.  I don’t need to apologize for falling down while dancing (except to the dude I landed on, lol.) I don’t need to live life being sorry for being me.  I may FEEL sorry and like I owe people a debt for being in their life or taking up their time or whatever, but I know that that feeling isn’t based on truth. and a part of getting that truth to feel real is, letting myself be human, sober, and move on.

xoxo Sarah

[benrunschicago]

276 Days Til Chicago

January 3rd : Goal for this week base building 45 miles, with 12 mile long run

Drove 7 hours back from Texarkana, had time but did not feel like doing anything. Ate some Ben and Jerry’s that was left over.  Time to hit it tomorrow. Did the math in my head : if I’m going to run 45 miles this week, what would that look like? Easier if I went out and did 5 or 6 now… 5 today then 40 the other 5 days : 8/day. but if it’s Wednesday to Sunday and I did the 45 miles very evenly, made it even, that would be 9 per day, about 2 hours for me right now at 12:30/13:00 pace (4.8/hour).

Goal to work up to 80 miles per week over tthree and a half months, starting at 40 miles per week

January 4th.

Summary:

Weight: 206 pounds / 94 kilos

Diet -- did well

Ran 9 miles in 1hr50, with 6 strides and half mile cooldown

30 minutes Yoga, 30 minutes HIIT Cardio

Free day before work begins. Woke up committed. Got on the scale, and shocking: 29.7 BMI, .3 away from being obese. 94 kilos, meaning I gained 4 or 5 kilos this Christmas break. Yikes. What a wake up call!

Took the vitamins and compared the different ones with the ones M takes. She says she likes mine better. She’ll switch to these prenatals, which she said are really good. Mine have spirulina, wheatgrass, probiotics, lots of good stuff in addition to a very comprehensive vegan formula. I noticed a couple of days ago that these make my pee look neon yellow. We had Mexican and Japanese food, very salty, the past 4 days every day at least one meal, so I thought maybe I was just very dehydrated.

BREAKFAST 

multivitamin, coffee with Silk extra creamy oat milk, cold brew. Don’t like the sugar in the milk but its all we had before.  Since I need fat with the multivitamin, I saw M made Morocoan corn bread, which I ate with olive oil and honey on it. 

Did day one of Yoga with Adriene’s 2023 30 day yoga challenge, with the mantra I can. 30 minutes and felt great. Some good runner lunges helped, as did an activity with bending at the waist and going in complete cirlces with your torso, then reversing. Went by fast. Everything was sore from driving. Yesterday driving I stopped and did some lunges, calf stretches, to help with hip flexors that ached as I sat in the drivers seat. My body is jacked (in the bad way) currently.

Immediately opened CENTR app and looked at Programs. M is on Day 11 of the beginner Center Unleashed, and I don’t want to get confused who is on which day, so I looked and saw another one, Centr Unlimited. Same concept. This had lots of planks which I need. 30 minutes of that. Was tough but just right for my fitness level.

https://centr.com/article/show/18351/burn-tone-build-strength-at-home-with-centr-unlimited?utm_source=landing%20page&utm_medium=program-learn%20more-button&utm_campaign=owned

ATE

Cornbread

Multivitamin

Coffee

Oat milk

POST WORKOUT

Cup of oat milk, one scoop vanilla vegan protein powder, and matcha tea

Will try to run 9 miles once we are back.

One nonalcoholic beer. “SO BEER, American Lite” Ok, starting to grow on me, but I like the Stella Artois nonalcoholic the best so far.

PM - Ran 9 miles

Part 1 Ran 8 miles, very hilly, 400 feet elevation change. Was harder than a month ago — the 7 extra pounds must be it. But I made it. 

Part 2

Did 6 strides for .5 miles total and .5 mile cooldown

9 miles total - hit my goal!

I’m eating a big big salad I got from HEB, that has a wide variety of green leaves. HEB organics salad greens mix

I try to keep my salads filling and low calorie — no oil, mainly. 

LUNCH, late, 4 PM

Salad greens

Balsamic vinegar

5 dates

Half a cup of blueberries

DINNER

2 bean and BROL burritos -- the BROL (purple barley, oat groats,  rye berries, and black lentils) prebiotic mix from Dr Greger makes a meaty grain mix that we add to our food in differnt ways. This time we added spices to make it Mexican flavor. 

M said the Prophet p.b.u.h. used to eat vinegar with his meals and mentioned it as a healthy thing to do. Dr Greger talks about having vinegar at every meal, along with a 100 calorie apple or similar thing, certain foods that if you eat them 20 minutes before a meal, you end up eating significantly less during the meal.   In general I’m trying to follow the Dr Greger Daily Dozen and the Twenty-One Tweaks for weight loss, that you can read about in his books HOW NOT TO DIE and HOW NOT TO DIET

Tricky part to me is the idea of eating enough while also losing weight. Answer: eat clean! And also the answer: I read an article describing a study in which the extra appetite from running only added weight to you up to 40-50 miles per week and after that you burn more than the added appetite gives you.  

My story with that: 

I have long run a marathon, gain five pounds, run a marathon, gain five pounds. Once I did 4 back to back and gained 20 pounds. I used to use drastic measures like only eat one meal a week in order to hit the Army weight for me 70’ 189 pounds, which I did every time, but this time I rejected the idea of starving myself unhealtil for weeks at a time, only to have it all come back. Within two weeks. So I just showed up and let come what may. And they did the tape test and I was exactly on my body fat percentage, 24%. Which means I passed the weigh in but also that I am running now 10 or 15 pounds heavier than normal. 

Going to start doing where I eat dinner and no snack. That’s what my mom adopted and lost twenty pounds in her ’60’s. 

The strides are something I picked up from the Sage base building plan. I used to think you had to keep it extremely low heart rate in order to reach the benefits of Mafetone style running, but seeing them talk about strides during aerobic base building means I have the OK to incorporate some. 

I showed M the chart of the pace for my six strides. I got down to 5’34” per mile each time, and didn’t feel like I was killing myself. But I also didn’t feel like I could sprint any faster!

But 5’30” is more than faster than I’ll ever run during a marathon (I suppose). So that’s fast enough!

I also ran the whole mileage with my Correct Toes. During the run I had to walk a lot. I felt some side knee pain in my right knee, something only with these new Escalante 3’s. But I did my knee bend squat at a telephone pole and it went away for the entire run.

I came in after being away longer than I said, but M seemed fine and she asked how the run went and she smiled big and was enthusiastic when I said that I 

PM Evening

Going to try to do a hip opener sequence from BodyWeight Warrior on YouTube, and do 15 minutes of balance, single leg RUNNING REWIRED style. I think on Kindle I have RUNNING REWIRED and JACK DANIELS 5K and 10K RUNNING books. I have them but need to read them.

MATT FITZGERALD

His RUNNING THE DREAM book recommended for tight calves, taking a racquetball and putting it in the space of your knee. I will try to see a youtube video about that, but I bought them. My calves are extremely tight --the podiatrist from the Army when I broke my foot said they were extremely tight, the tightest he ever saw I could barely even move my foot around--and I need to do something about them.

This book has been good, but I have had to look up some of the things he mentions. Later I hope to collect all the stuff I learned that he mentions, like the “stirring the pot” ab ball exercise, and certain plyometric exercises like A skips and B skips, take all that and record it.

TO DO

[rodriquerussell]

*** #SWAIA Experience Keeping It Brief--Keeping it 100rd! Part 2: 🌟Orlando, Jamie, Lauren...just being in the same vicinity was has been truly an honor! to see your people literally doing it BIG! Amazing! hope to cross paths again/walk for any of you... 🌟Joanelle it's always good too see you! you always give the best hugs! 🌟Juanita aka Moonstar! 🌟🌙 still a baddie! still slaying the runway! still got a heart of gold! since I met you 8yrs ago for Shayne Watson Designs 😏😏😏 keep rocking an never give up on your dreams! Patience. ❤🙏✊ 🌟Tiano most gorgeous angel, I met you last year an you lead with your heart...thank you for being kind an amazing! ^_^ 🌟Zahn your like a crazy cool uncle! every time I run into you! 😂😊 I always cross your path in the hallways or allys 😂😂😂 thank you for being Awesome! 🌟Amber your one of the coolest most humble human beings! it was a honor to be apart of the 100rd fashion show along with you an so many awesome artist!...a full cirlce moment to have walk with your dad in NM fashion week in 2015 an 7 yrs later with you a surreal moment...all random I think I also worked with you on an episode of Longemire with Irene Bedard aswell...anyway congratulations on everything! when of us make it we all make it! ❤🙏✊°•○●🌟 https://www.instagram.com/p/ChtXBSOtiYF/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[houseofdemi-blog]

I N I T I A L S

Summary:  fear fɪə/ noun 1. an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.

Genre: Romance.

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Rating: Mature  (fluff + angst? + s m u t)

Length: 3.1k

Warnings: daddy!kink +(super lame attempt at) mafia!yoongi + mentions of blood + slight knife play

fear fɪə/ noun 1. an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.

Fear is waking up in the middle of the night to the front door closing. Fear is staying still surrounded by cold sheets waiting to get warm. Fear is laying your head on a pillow meant to be shared. Fear means loneliness. Fear takes form of a closed off throat. Fear is not being able to sleep at all.

Fear is in the form of dragging feet tiredly along the floor. Fear is bloodstains on the carpet. Fear is the sound of undoing ties and unbuttoning wrinkled white shirts painted in red. Fear is the sound of knuckles cracking. Fear sounds like dropping onto a swivel chair and leaning your head back. Fear sounds like exhausted but relieved sighs.

Fear is waiting. Fear is kisses that linger for too long. Fear is phone calls that last too short. Fear is needing and missing. Fear is saying goodbye. Fear is brushing away tears and hoping he'll be home soon. Fear is not knowing where he goes or where he is. Fear is not knowing when he's coming back.

Fear is not knowing whether he's coming back or not.

Taking a deep breath, you push the silk sheets out of your body. You sit up and, chills immediately running down your spine and you're contemplate whether they're caused by the February freezing wheather or the thought that Yoongi was only a couple meters away from you. You're still amazed by the effect his mere presence has on you, even if you can't see, touch or smell him. You can feel him.

Not bothering to put on your slippers on, your bare feet make their way towards your bedroom door while you rub your eyes, trying to erase any sign of slumber on your face. Not like you were getting much sleep anyway. You never did if Yoongi wasn't on his side of the bed right next to you.

You walk through the darkness of your house. It's too big of a place. Too big for it to be occupied by two people, one of whom is barely ever there. It's too big of a place, yet you don't even have to swith on the light. You've already memorized every inch, every single step, every single room and every single wall to wander around with your eyes blinded. And soon enough you find yourself in Yoongi's office.

He's told you many times to stay away from it, to not bother him while his working on his God knows how many illegal and extremely dangerous activities before locking himself away from you and the world. Your world.  

This time, though, the door is open but you stay still, leaning against the doorframe

Sure, it's not the first time you've seen it. You've just never had the opportunity to put a foot inside. The lights are off as well, but the grand crystal wall in the back is enourmous enough to allow the moonshine to iluminate it with grey and blue tones. There's a couch with a small tea table in front, a couple shelves full of books Yoongi's even ever read, and a desk surprisingly neat.

And he's right there. Basically laying down on the chair behind the desk, head up high resting against it the back of it with his eyes closed.Your heart clutches in your chest at the sight and you almost, almost forget you're mad at him for not calling or texting you or sending you one of his many men to let you know he was ok while he was away.

As if he could listen to the thoughts in your mind wondering whether you should step inside or not, he startles you by speaking up. “Come here.”

His voice is low and gruff as it always is, but it holds a tone full of weariness. However, it still has the power to make the old butterflies in your stomach appear once again, just like the first time you heard it.

Hesitating, you pull the fallen strap of your satin night gown up in place. It's the gown he gifted you on your second anniversary. 'You're going to wear this only for me and you're going to wear it until I'm the one who takes it off.', he had said after you opened the box. You had blushed and kept your promise, and he had kept his.

You walk with uneasy steps until you're standing in front of him. You ignore the metal gun placed He doesn't move. He hasn't moved at all the whole time you were there. You've always admired him for being able to always maintain such an stoic demeanor, no matter what the situation was.

You reach out with no vacillation and gently let your fingers comb through his silver bangs, pushing them back and you can finally take in his features after a long time of only remembering them through pictures. Your hand slowly travels to his cheek, tracing fresh scars and dried flecks of burgundy until it cups his jaw, the ring placed on your middle finger shining the only thing shining in the room. He finally opens his eyes and looks at you. The same black orbs with dark circles uderneath that said goodbye months ago were staring right into you, filled with fatigue. Yoongi was never a man of words, but his eyes shouted everything his lips couldn't. And they were voicing how hard it had been without you and how much he had missed you.

You swallow the lump in your throat as his eyelids flutter closed again. Lifting a hand, he engulfs yours in it. His other hand, instead, ends up wrapping around the back of your naked thigh, puling you closer and his frozen skin almost makes you gasp if you hadn't been accostumed to it already. But you are. The pads of his calloused fingers feel rough against yours and there's always been something so satisfying about such a contrast. He leans against the warmth of the palm of your hand and you can feel tears prickling in the back of your eyes, but you push them away and decide to run your thumb along the bruise of his lower lip. He places a small kiss on it and it's you who speaks this time before licking your lips.

“How have you been?” your voice is calm as his lips try to find the palm of your hand, kissing it. He keeps adorning your sking with kisses along your wirst and forearm, the hand on your thigh firmly bringing your body to his and you love instant jolt that runs from your head to your toe and settles on your core.

“I've been better.” you don't question further. You know he doesn't like you asking about business. You decide to wrap your arms wrap around him now, both hands on his neck as his wrap around you as well, both hands on the back of your thighs. He feels warmer. You feel warmer. It feels like home. “How have you two been?” he murmurs against your clothed stomach.

“How did you know?” you bite your lip. The whole room would be silent if it wasn't for the loud beating of your heart. You're sure even he can hear it from down there.

“Taehyung found two positive pregnancy tests on the trash can.” his nose nuzzles over your belly button and you roll your eyes and bit your lip to stop yourself from smiling.

“You sent Taehyung to look through our garbage?” your hands played with the hair on the back of his neck and you felt him smirking.

“I sent Taehyung to make sure you were safe. Him finding the pregnancy tests was just a lucky casuality.” he says simply. His fingers toy with the hem of your gown, slowly hiking it up until your lacy underwear comes into view. He hums in appreciation before looking up at you again. “How long?”

“Three months. Right before you left.”

He gets on his feet suddenly. His hands cradle your face and he stares into your eyes. This time they 're speaking again. But it has nothing to do with relief after making sure you're okay, it has nothing to do with anger for being away for so long, it has nothing to do with fear of losing you. It has all to do with hope, excitement, happiness, desire, joy and love.

“I love you.” again, Yoongi is not the type to say that often, yet, the way his voice holds every single emotion he hasn't experienced for the past months make the tears in your eyes reappear. The moment he sees them watering, he swallows them with a desperate kiss. One that leaves you breathless,  but Yoongi's kisses always leave you breathless, regardless of how brief they were. This one,  though. This one is like no other one. You've missed the way kis lips felt against yours and you open your mouth without doubt, allowing him inside.

Your tongues, old lovers seeing each other for the first time after many years, meet again and you both moan at the same time. His hands  find your waist, slamming you against his suit claded chest and your arms encircle his neck. Leaving no space between your bodies, he presses you against his desk as his fingers begin to bunch your gown over your hips. With one arm wrapped around your waist and the other one lifting one of your legs so it rests against his hip, he doesn't stop kissing you until you're sitting on the wooden table.

His lips leave your mouth to attack your neck, leaving new purple and red marks, as well aswet spots on your flesh. You say his name as you tilt your head back, eyes closed and letting him completely take over your collarbone.

“So soft.” he says, voice muffled by your skin as his hand pulls down the straps of your gown. You shiver at the sudden exposed area of your breasts and gasp when he takes one of your nipples in his mouth. His tongue cirlces around it while his teeth bruise it, letting it out with a loud pop and eliciting a loud moan from your lips while his hand makes sure not to leave your other breast free of attention. “Fuck, babygirl. You have no idea how hard I've been these past months just thinking about this.”

His lips find yours again in another heated kiss while his fingers dig into the flesh of your hips, pulling your core to his prominent erection strained under his suit pants. “Did you miss me?”

Too distracted by the feeling of his cock against your dripping center, you forget to answer him. He responds by burying one of his hands between your locks of hair, yanking it back  you open your eyes to find his. He thrusts his hips against you and another jolt of electricity runs through your body. “Answer me.” his voice is low and threatning and it made the fabric of your underwear stick to the lips of your pussy. Years ago, the idea of any men being possesive disgusted you. It went against your idea of feminism and your beliefs as a woman and you swore to yourself you would never let any man dominate you. But after meeting Yoongi and discovering how much he enjoyed being in control in the bedroom, you ended up enjoying it way more than you would've liked to admit.

“Did you miss me?” he repeats again, tugging at your hair once more.

“Yes, daddy.” you say breathless. You see the corner of his mouth curling upwards, the beginning of a smile that he tried to conceal, the previous exhaustation in his eyes is long forgotten and is now replaced with pure lust and eagerness.

“Good girl.” he pushes himself away from you, and you protest by whining and trying to reach out to him. “Turn around for daddy and place your hands on the desk.” Slowly, you do as he says, your back now to him and the palm of your hands pressing on the wood under you. “Now lean forward.”

Bending over the desk, your ass perking up and your naked breast meeting the cold surface, you anticipate his next command.

Yoongi, however, is too busy appreciating every inch of your body exposed to him in that position. He pulls your underwear down right before your thighs start but leaving the on until your ass is completely uncovered. His hands rest on your buttcheeks, lightly massaging them as his fingertips begin to dig into your flesh. “I wish you could see how marvelous your ass iss, baby girl.”  Without warning, his palm collides with your skin and you choke on a gasp. “It looks better like this, though.”

You feel your core pulsating and your juices slipping past your lower lips and down your inner thighs. You need to feel him inside you. You feel one of his hands traveling lower until his fingers run along your slit. You tense immediately and bite your lip to hold back a moan as he collects some of your fluids.“Yoongi.” you call and you realize your mistake the moment his name slips past your mouth. He smacks you again with his other hand and your nails scratch the wooden surface.

“Shit, baby girl, you're so wet.” his fingers keep slow dancing across your opening, teasingly, until he slips his middle and index finger inside you with ease. Your hips buckle back, in a pathetic attempt at trying to push it further inside. You groan in frustration when he lets out a chuckle. “Look at you, trying to fuck yourself with my fingers like a good slut.” He slaps you again and you moan louder as his fingers begin to move painfully slow.  

“Daddy, please.” you beg and you can recognize the neediness in your voice. It's the same needy tone you always used with your husband.

He pulls his fingers out of you and with his other hand grips your hair and yanks you backwards. Your ass is resting against his crotch and his chest is pressed against yours. Hi places his glistening fingers in front of your mouth and he grunts a “Open up”, which you more than gladly oblige. You take them between your lips and your tongue swirls around them, humming as you taste yourself.

Once you're finished, his still wet fingers take your chin and turn your head to the side so you're facing him. He inspects your eyes in silence and you wonder what he's thinking, you wonder what's exactly going through his mind. But you don't have much time to keep thinking about it, because he's kissing you again and you're moaning again. “Yoongi, I need you. Please.” you manage to say through kisses and you almost scream in joy when you hear the zipper of his pants being pulled down.

He stops kissing you to start kissing your neck while he frees his member out of his clothes. With one hand on your hip keeping you still, and his other hand placing his rock hard dick in your entrance, his teeth graze your earlobe as his tip pushes inside you.

You both moan in delight after he eases himself inside of you all the way. He doesn't move at first, taking his and your time to enjoy and appreciate the feeling of him filling you up again after months. “Is it ever going to stop feeling this good?” he ask between your neck and your shoulder and you smile, shaking your head no.

Then, he's bending you over his desk again and that's when he starts pounding into you. You say his name over and over again and he grunts in response behind you. You love it when he makes love to you tenderly, and you love it when he's like this, rough, fast, and desperate. It's the way he fits so perfectly inside you and the way he hits that certain spot that makes your toes curl and your hands try to grab onto something for life. The sound of his hips slapping against your ass fills the room as well as the obscene wet sound of his dick entering you, leaving you and entering you again, and again.

Maybe it's your hormones, maybe it's because you haven't been this intimate with Yoongi for the past three months, or maybe it's because he's the only one capable of making you feel this way, but you can already feel your climax aproaching.

Yoongi seems as gone as you, sweat is starting to fall down his temples and is making his still intact  blood stained white shirt cling against his back, but still, his hand reaches out and opens up a drawer next to him. You can't see what's in his hand because your cheek against his desk doesn't allow you to, so you close your eyes and decide to keep enjoying him fucking you from behind.

Then, out of sudden, you feel it.

On your right ass cheek. A sharp edge dragging across your flesh and it stings. You can feel him scribbling lines on your skin, earning a slight yelp from your lips and a small drop of blood sliding down your glute. The pain is nothing like you've ever felt before and it makes the pleasurable sensation even more instense.

You open your eyes at the sound of an object dropping on the desk only to find a knife -Yoongi's favourite knife- resting right next to your head.

And then his hands are grabbing your hips, harder than before and he's pounding ginto you, harder than before. The desk shakes, some papers and pencils fall to the floor and you're screaming when he makes you reach your peak. Your walls tighten around him, your hands look for the edge of the table until your knuckles turn white and you feel him giving a final thrust harmonizing with a loud grunt coming from his chest. Emptying himself inside you, he collapses on top of you, chest to back and both hands on either side of your head, trying to catch his breath as you try to catch yours.

He kisses your head, the back of your neck, your shoulders and every bit of newly found skin he can find. One of his arms wraps around your middle, the palm of his hand rubbing soothing circles on your growing belly, bringing you up closer to him while he places murmured 'I Love you's' against your ear. His other hand travels back to your ass. You don't need a mirror to let you know know that the smudged red lines that his now stained fingers are currently tracing over your skin spell the initials of his name.

MY.

[betrayer-forged-weapon]

Cordana closed her eyes after she had listened to the other's words. Those that Jaina Proudmoore had spoken and those she was keeping silently hidden for herself. A soft chuckle escaped the Nightelf's lips, as she shook her head. "I feel like her wish right now is to pout and complain at me for not letting her work herself into a coma. But at the same time ... she knows that not resting would prohibit jer from her duty even further. And one way or the other, the two of us share our roots. More than one to that."

She closed her eyes and nodded slightly, before she took a sip of the still heated tea, pulling back her lips while her face twitched slightly at the heat. "I ... apologize for that. I have spent the past days and weeks on high seas. I am not fully used to this form of heat right now.", she said and rested the cup down onto the plate which Jaina had put under it in the beginning. "What I have meant to say by that is, that I may know about most of what Pained's duties inquired, my lady. And I do fear that some of them might not be something that can just be laid to rest for a few days."

Then Cordana stopped and turned her body to face towards the window here in the other's chambers. The Warden's eyes closed for a moment, before she shook her head, her white hair thrashing around slightly before a shrug ran through her shoulders. "I do appreciate the gesture of wanting to not burden me with anything. Yet this appreciation is outlasted by the knowledge of how our common friend would act if I were to accept your words, Lady Proudmoore. I am not here to replace Pained. I didn't intend to even take such a spot. Though, I do fear that the feeling of duty is something many nightelves share." Bluewhite eyes seemed to smile up to the younger woman, yet there was some form of determination in them which was very clear that Cordana did not intend to let the other run around without a bodyguard for the next few days or possibly weeks. Yet, what Cordana didn't mention was, that not all nightelves would do such a thing. Many indeed probably wouldn't. Still, she wasn't part of many. Really ... she was barely part of anything.

Slowly, Cordana closed her eyes as she tried to search for the correct words to address the other with. She remembered things she had heard of Jaina Proudmoore, things quite rare among the people of the alliance. And even more so she remembered how much the mage in front of her had attempted to build upon these beliefs, which Cordana did in part agree with. Possibly more than most others who surrounded the other, as Cordana's eyes opened again, blinking for a moment, before they rested on Jaina's figure, gentle and calm, while she smiled slightly. "I ... understand your worries. Possibly at least. But for now, they are not worries, you should have. However ... if I am allowed a question, mylady.", she started and hesistated for a moment, before her smiel died down. "Why do you see yourself responsible for what happened to Pained?", she asked, her hand reaching for the tea again, a finger gently cirlcing around the edge of the cup.

Rest

“I have t-” Pained’s voice was ripped apart by the next fit of coughing. Cordana could see her friend’s body tremble and twitch, before the Nightelf finally laid back into the bad again she had been forced into. Forced being the operative word since - despite how ragged Pained’s breathing was and how pale her already rather light skin was - the warrior had not wanted to leave her position. Only after Cordana had arrived here and knocked her friend of her feet, the other had finally relented to the order to rest. Or well, seemingly at least.

“No. You do not.”, the Warden sighed, shaking her head slowly in disbelief. How was it that she always ended up making friends with the most stoic or stubborn people. She pressed her hand onto Pained’s shoulder, keeping her from trying to rise again. “You need to rest. That is what you should and will do.”, she explained and got up, her hands grasping her mantle and shoulderplates, depositing both at one of the few armor stands in the bodyguard’s room. Her helmet had already been placed here, while she worked on taking off the chest piece in addition.

“What are … you…?”, Pained whispered, panting heavily before she closed her eyes and remained like this, breathing loudly and heavily while awaiting Cordana’s answer. “I am keeping Archmage Proudmoore’s side for the time being, Pained. I know that you are ‘bound by duty’ but you are in no condition to exert said duty currently. It is by chance that I came to visit you. So … let me help you out while I have the time to do so.”

The bodyguard wanted to complain, yet she stopped as her eyes met the fellow female’s own. Cordana appeared rested in a weird way. Usually, the other was tired or disoriented. Chaotic in a way and definitly rebellious. Yet now she seemed calm and collected. A feat that she had not seen in the other for a very long time. Clsoing her eyes again, she nodded. And then fell asleep.

Cordana exited the others chambers and stopped, her head turning towards the woman standing in front of her, as she bowed in respect. “She accepted my request. I … have never seen her this weak but due to our vitality, I doubt she will remain this sick for too long. Three weeks of rest maybe and she should be able to return to her … duties.”

The warden crossed her arms which now without her armor looked slender yet muscular. In total she seemed a bit smaller without the pieces of armor she had donned when arriving here, only the boots and trousers she had worn before remaining the same yet not really adding to the Nightelves statur it seemed. She was taller than Jaina Proudmoore, the Leader of Theramore, yet she didn’t seem like most other Nightelves. It was a weird off spot which was very hard to grasp. Someone who ran by her own rules. Shaking her head, she smiled gently. “I do hope it really stands with you, my lady, that I take her spot for that time.”

[raelis1]

AUs I would actually love reading:

Lord of the Rings sci-fi AU. The plot is the same, but the world is reimagined in a science fiction setting. (Surely it must exist already?)

SnK/OnS Dragon Age AU. Eren as a Mage Rights activist ("They can't keep us in the Cirlces! Being free is our right!":)) Mikasa/Mika in Fenris' role (it would suit Mika particularly well). Crowley as a well-meaning Templar who struggles with his faith. Kenny as the head of the Coterie or Carta. Levi as a casteless dwarf workign for the Carta and recruited into the Grey Wardens against his will. Ferid as a particularly nasty blood mage. Erwin/Kureto/Guren as the Warden Commander/First Warden with a penchant towards... taking risks (like running unethical experiments and accidentally unleashing ancient evils on the world).

OnS Buffy the Vampire Slayer AU. I don't know who 'the one girl who could defeat all the vampires' would be, but I know Mika would make the perfect Giles ('conducting world-ending experiments again? *facepalm* of course') and Yu/Guren would fill season 6 Willow's shoes nicely. Actually, I would really love an OnS/BtVS AU that focuses on the BtVS season 6 'resurrection of the dead' plot. That would be SO appropriate.