#I know I can't speak for a non cis person because I'm cis myself but I don't blame them in the slightest for feeling that way

[bezierballad]

I feel so bad for any AFAB trans/nonbinary person who had to sit down and watch the second person OVA 😭

[ceilidho]

This is in no way of hating but i want to know why do you enjoy writing noncon/rape? When I first downloaded tumblr which was couple of months ago i was surprised by the amount of noncon fics here. I eventually came to enjoy them which makes me question myself. Whenever i read a noncon fic and enjoy it i feel like im betraying women who actually went through those traumatic events. Plus I actually don't really like dark romance books? I love cod dead dove and that is mainly because i really love the characters and the authors are so talented. I rambled so much and i hope you don't get this in the wrong way i don't mean to hate AT ALL i love the stuff you write. Maybe i shouldn't think too much and let myself enjoy what im reading lol

first of all, no worries! i wasn't sure about your tone/intentions at first, but by the end i was totally fine with the question.

i actually don't mind talking about this stuff - i just sometimes avoid it on main because i prefer chatting about it privately.

second, i'm no psychologist or sociologist, so i probably won't be able to give you the most satisfactory answer, but i think there are a lot of different reasons. i can only name a few. one thing i should mention right off the bat is that rape fantasies are very normal (and this is true whether you're a survivor of SA or not) and writing/reading fiction can be a safe way to process those thoughts/feelings.

one of prevailing reasons is, of course, that many survivors of SA use noncon/dubcon literature/art as a way of processing their experiences and taking ownership of their trauma.

and look, people are going to go back and forth on this point (i've seen it all before - many people refuse to believe that engaging with noncon lit/art is helpful, and in fairness, it's NOT helpful for everyone because every person is different), but at the end of the day, if a survivor tells you "writing/reading this was helpful in my recovery" then that's that!

additionally, for many women and non-binary folk (i can only speak as a cis woman, but i'm sure this is a shared lived experience across many different people), we're also taught from a very young age to suppress our sexual desires / that being open about our sexuality is morally reprehensible and shameful. and a lot of people carry that shame for years, impacting them well into adulthood. so dubcon/noncon fantasies can be a way of being able to enjoy sexual scenarios where you don't have to be the initiator, thus taking away some of the emotional weight and shame.

plus, at the end of the day (and im sure many people will disagree with this take, it's something that i'm still figuring out myself), there is a kind of weird underlying consent implicit in dark fics. like, you might be reading a fic or novel that's ostensibly noncon, but you're also actively seeking out that literature (hopefully it's not just sprung on you - i do very much agree with tagging to the fullest extent and my lukewarm take is that I think all books, even traditionally published ones, should come with content/trigger warnings too).

there are a medley of reasons why someone might write or read dark fiction/dark romance. again, i'm just one person and i can only speak from my own experience!

i think at the end of the day, the important thing to realize is that fiction is fake, and as long as the writer appropriately tags their work and ensures that the audience is aware of what they're getting into when they start reading, they're not coercing the reader into something they aren't prepared for.

and it's totally fine if you have limits (like, you can read and enjoy dubcon, but not noncon) or can't engage with the material at all, but it's also unfair to say that it reflects someone's real life values - the same way that we don't say that the people who enjoy crime fiction must love murder.

and the last thing i want to say because this got a bit out of hand lol, is that, yes, for some people dark fiction is genuinely harmful, whether or not they're a survivor. it's not for everyone and that's completely fine and i'm aware of that, which is why i agree that you should tag as much as possible (even if you feel like you're overdoing it sometimes), but someone else's discomfort doesn't give them the right to tell you how to process your own emotions/experiences/desires/etc.

as long as no one's getting hurt, there's no issue as far as i'm concerned. and sorry but, no one's getting hurt by reading a fic or a novel unless the author didn't give proper content warnings - if you "forgot" to read the tags or read anyway DESPITE being warned, im sorry but that's life.

[tirfpikachu]

so you say you're not a terf, bc terfs don't exist... radical feminism was always inclusive of transmasc-identified people, anyways, right? so "tirf" as a term doesn't make sense. you were always open to all female folks, including dysphoric "females" of radblr...

but are you actually inclusive of ALL female people?

often, non-trans/dysphoric radfems will say they are, but show an insane amount of trans stigma in their rhetoric, and their gnc activism will have limits; if you choose to modify your body in certain ways, no matter if it's smth the heteropatriarchy hates, you're still some kind of frankenstein monster. you will regret it everytime and someone needs to stop you from mangling yourself. it cannot be done not just for dysphoric reasons but with feminist intent - after all, transmasc-identified people are inherently weaker feminists. they're weak for being dysphoric and giving into it. they're brainwashed. they shouldn't get tattoos, piercings, or total changes in lifestyles like passing as the opposite sex through body modifications. it will always be bad for you and to help you, radfems need to mock it out of you and use language you hate until you know better. and even if you recognize you're female and are proud of it while also being proud of being transmasc, of being gnc in that way, that's still a personal failure on your part as a feminist and it's a slippery slope; you need to stop asap or you'll only hurt yourself, hun. don't you know that you can't please the patriarchy that way? because of course, the heteropatriarchy fucking loves when female ppl take things to make themselves hairier, speak lower, and no longer have big breasts to stare at. all the creepy males sure are cheering for a new transmasc dudebro to hangout with! they definitely aren't pressuring transmasc ppl to keep their og bodies. except yeah, they are, they really, really are, and so are misogynistic transfems who date transmascs too. they still demand for female ppl to look a certain way for them too. it's not a simple 1:1 case of transmascs only ever doing it to please The Patriarchy.

and look, i get it, i myself lived as trans for ALL the wrong reasons - i did 1000% want to please the new modern gay norms. i did think me being a soft cute little trans boyfriend was inherently more lovable than being a dorky butch gf, i really did think that it was a more feminist thing to do since it meant being the Most Gnc Possible and that the gnc female cool kids were all doing it so i should too so i could get their affection by doing it. i really did think that cis/non-trans gender nonconformity was less badass and attractive than trans-identified gender nonconformity. i thought they/them pronouns made me more attractive (though not to the patriarchy - to fellow lgbtq ppl) and that if i passed as male i could finally be a cute transmasc yaoi couple with a fellow transmasc, which was an inherently better thing to be than a gross, boring cis butch4butch couple. gender was my playground in terms of pronouns, names and presentation, but i got in over my head. i came SOOOO close to transitioning despite not truly thinking realistically abt what passing as male would actually look and feel like. i really truly did feel peer pressure in lgbtq spaces. i was already so deep i thought it had to be this way. everybody was so excited for me, after all... i was getting so much attention and affection. i also felt like i was never good enough as a butch, i was always a weak twinky barely-masc girl no matter what i did, so i thought testosterone and surgery could fix me. i wanted to be cooler. i wanted to be handsome so badly. i still do, but i learned another path for me. i want to save gyns from regret and i want to prevent painful detransitions; i'm not saying that trans identity hasn't hurt anyone. it has hurt me. same as how bisexual identity harmed me, back when i was extremely repressed and used it since i was into both transmasc & cis/bio women and thought lesbianism couldn't encompass both. turns out it can. knowledge is what's missing in this. gyns need to know everything, not just what benefits the tra movement. but taking ppl's identities away, mocking their dysphoria by using terminology that viscerally upsets them and overall being ableist and gncphobia as fuck to transitioning people is NOT the way to go. not letting transmasc ppl feel pride despite their often debilitating and dangerous struggles is harmful. it DOES mean you are what well-meaning tras really do mean with the word terf.

if you don't accept ALL female folks, you aren't a real radfem. your sisterhood is conditional and you look down on people with dysphoria whether you like to admit it or not. i know it's easier to wish it all away, to not be inclusive to transmasc folks, it very much does make our jobs easier as feminists and female advocates. but as someone who has suffered living as trans, facing trans stigma and struggling with chronic dysphoria, i refuse to leave transmasc people behind. they still need the sisterhood. they are still my siblings.

i also, controversially i know, welcome ANYONE who risks actual misogyny in their day-to-day lives. including transfems who pass as female, which shockingly enough is a reality now. not all transitioned transfems face it ofc, most in my experience don't, but even those who don't still face horrible gncphobia and i'm fascinated in hearing their unique experiences, as it can help us get a better picture of the patriarchy in order to dismantle it. unlike a lot of radfems, i really do view non-bigoted/predatory gnc people as my allies, male/omab ppl included. gnc male gays/bisexuals and non-bigoted bio women have ALWAYS had a powerful relationship. very rocky at times ofc, and they still do not face female-specific disprivileges and can 100% weaponize that against us, but it's still incredibly meaningful imo. patriarchy-defying male/omab folks have always had a special place in my heart - i can be wary, ofc, since i have faced misogyny from both cis gay/bi men and transfems, but i also find solace in knowing that male/omab folks are willing to go against gender norms, whether they use the trans label or not, and i view dysphoria as a serious condition. i care about dysphoric ppl the way that i care about disabled people in that regard, and that includes protecting disabled bio men and transfems from ableists. if that makes me a naive traitor, so be it. my dysphoric experiences changed me forever.

what we 100% need to do is demand of them to show real allyship with female folks, with bio women and transmascs. not the weak bullshit they have been giving us this far. they have been harming us very deeply as a group, i know. but i don't believe they're all creeps or misogynists, or that them being gnc or transfem-identified makes them more likely to be creepy or misogynistic; when they are, they are in a way that is very unique to transfem identity, so it always ofc stands out. it has attracted a considerable group of creeps and bigots, i won't deny that. transmasc identity also brought in a wide array of internalized misogynists and homophobes, after all. but i don't think it's fair to say that no transfem faces misogyny, or that anti-transfem/gnc omab bigotry isn't horrific, or that they can't be wonderful allies to the radical feminist movement.

terf has become code for all kind of nonsense. but its original meaning still stands: a transphobic feminist. and some of y'all really are proud trans stigma enjoyers. and as a detrans feminist, i refuse to allow that in my own personal politics. dysphoria isn't a joke. being gnc in a way that you find cringe isn't a crime. transition isn't always some nightmare scenario, and trans AND detrans bodies aren't "ruined" or always caused by internalized bs and predatory doctors. i don't want the affirmation-only model. i don't want more painful detransitions like mine. i don't want tras to get away with all the harm they have caused, and i want there to be proper education on what cis/bio gnc womanhood is actually like. especially non-trans lesbian experiences. but i don't want to take away trans identity if it helps people make sense of their dysphoric struggles, or is a fun way for them to play around with pronouns, names, presentation, etc. we need to include grey areas in these discussions. otherwise we really are furthering harm as feminists. sometimes - outside of the usual bs reasons - "terf" is just a plea from tras to stop being so fucking dismissive of dysphoric struggles and stop being genuinely gncphobic to normie trans-identified people who are just enjoying life and saying fuck you to gender norms.

i get that including trans identity in feminism can complicate conversations, i get it. but this is work. activism is supposed to take work. and we need to examine heteropatriarchal things from ALL angles. and now that transition is a solid thing, and trans identity is smth that's not going anywhere in the lgbtq community, tirfs need to exist to deal with these complex topics and interact with them in a non-inflammatory way. you as a radfem don't need to be a tirf, or a nuancefem. your work still matters. just help feminism however you can. but stop assuming tirfs & nuancefems are there to add chaos and be stupid and we're all naive for daring to tell transmasc people, hey! you don't need to let those transfem activists walk all over you! you don't need to listen to transmascphobic rhetoric! you being ofab/female is an axis of oppression worth acknowledging! us doing that with the word tirf, with a play on the term terf, we're not hurting you or the movement. and yeah, we tirfs include transfems who face misogyny, and we're generally more open to male/omab allies, but we're not watered down libfems. libfems HATE OUR GUTS right now. we are still 100% considered transphobic whiny bitches. we do work you may not understand, and that's fine. just leave us be.

and for the love of all goddesses in the universe, please learn to show actual allyship to transmasc people. if you claim to welcome all "females" you better be showing that courtesy to female/ofab trans people. i know ableism and trans stigma (which imo often falls under ableism) is rampant on radblr, but if you're going to claim to care about detrans and soon-to-be-detrans people, you need to care about currently dysphoric female people too. they deserve sisterhood, they deserve female siblinghood. otherwise, don't be surprised if those transmasc feminists call you terfs and stick with tirfs & nuancefems instead. don't assume i'm like you just because i'm detrans and moved away from trans identity. i care about my female siblings, my female/ofab brothers. them waking tf up and embracing their female feminism is a GOOD THING and we need to be there for them once they peak. they don't deserve the mockery and disdain y'all have been showing them. they deserve so much better. don't be mad that radblr is being "invaded" by tirfs. look inwards. why is there a need for tirfs? why is it in demand rn? it's because radblr is failing its transmasc members. radblr is brushing off dysphoric struggles and harassing transmasc radfems off the platform. it's being purposefully cruel and adding to dysphoric stigma, and often being extremely gncphobic too.

if you are transmasc orbiting radblr, you're not alone.

if you are transfem and willing to fight equally for transmasc rights, transfem rights and bio/cis female rights, you're welcome here.

if you are a cis bio male and agree, we can make use of your time and your energy as an ally too. just don't be a dick, or we'll shoot it off.

tirfism is here to stay, and it's a response to how radblr is currently failing its dysphoric gyns. it is making more progress in actually addressing tra issues meaningfully than inflammatory self-described terfs and anti-trans radfems ever have. get used to it!⚡

[milkweedtussocktubers]

HOLY fuck.

So for context, I have no reason to believe I'm intersex. I've not dived deep into my biology, but based on my medical understanding, I'm just an average perisex individual with a few hormone swings. I am multi-gender, but obviously that's not the same.

I have not fully informed myself on what the recent UK Supreme Court ruling truly means for the queer community, but what I've heard is disturbing, and knowing JK Rowling is involved says nothing good to me.

Because of my lack of detailed research, I wasn't yet ready to make any arguments about said ruling, but a woman I know made a FB post about the ruling, and how it's not transphobic. She herself is cis and I don't believe has much experience within queer circles but like I said, I wasn't ready to argue with her on FB. I did point out, however, that regardless of whether or not the ruling targets trans folk (which even if it didn't isn't the point, the point is how people use the legislation to attack us) that in every ruling and decision like this, intersex people are forgotten, discriminated against and ignored. I didn't even put it that bluntly. We had a very good discussion about the differences in UK practices and mindsets regarding intersex rights versus those in the US, I talked about how my understanding is that DSD (which she used) is NOT an appropriate term, yadda yadda. It was reasonable and a quiet step forward.

But oh my lanta. Now I get it. The comments from other people, talking about how intersex people don't exist, how differences in chromosomes/hormones/etc don't make you not a woman (but refusing to define womanhood), how DSD is the term to use and intersex people don't like the term intersex.........There was one woman who genuinely, politely asked about XX and XY as sex-determining. You could tell that she genuinely was asking, "Wait, there's more to this than that? I didn't know!" But everyone else was determined to state that 1.7% of the population just doesn't exist.

And like. Long before I came out as multigender at 28, I was in the waters of gender non-conformity. I was dating a trans woman, my sister is trans, I was already GNC myself. But I'd never borne personal, firsthand witness (ignoring political attacks) to the social disappearing of an entire group of people. Yes, obviously I'm exposed to the genocides of queer folk, Palestinians, POC. I know we're being disappeared en masse. But I've never actually communicated with someone who just straight up said, "Those people don't exist."

And now I have had just a fraction of that feeling injected into my life, and I just - how do people survive? How on earth do intersex folk still wake up every day and make coffee and exist with joy? I had ONE bad conversation, and I'm so fucking upset. And I know nothing! I don't even feel super comfortable saying certain things because I don't want to speak for a community of which I am not a part! But I can't just not respond when people are telling me that humans aren't real.

Please, I am so open to feedback. I hope this all comes across the way I mean it to. I don't want to speak for anyone, or over anyone. I just - I'm isolated, and now I can appreciate so much more the reality of what all of us who are targets are fighting.

[v171]

Man sometimes it just takes one interaction with a deeply straight person to remind myself why I don't often surround myself with non queer people.

Went to an annual pumpkin carving party with some of my coworkers last night. In attendance was a former coworker of mine who I'm friendly with, and his fiancee. Now I'd met the fiancee before at the same pumpkin carving party for the past two years, but aside from being mildly eccentric, she was always interesting to talk to.

This year she is pregnant, and we got on the topic of parenthood in general. There are some key quotes from that conversation.

"The father does not need to be involved with the baby for the first three years of life. There's literally no reason. He should be solely focused on supporting the family financially, and the baby only needs the mother."

"Women aren't equipped to be providers, it's not in our nature. It is the man's role to support the family and the woman's role to provide emotionally. Men aren't capable and should not be expected to have emotional attachments."

[in reference to a 32 year old coworker of mine being sexually harassed at work by a 60 year old man who was later fired]

"I mean it's all you can expect from men, and honestly it's refreshing to see a man break the rules to fight for a woman he's interested in. That's a good quality."

"I don't believe we live in a patriarchal society because women still have to work. I wish we did though because then society would push for men to provide and support their families, but I don't believe any man gets the things he works for just because he's a man. He gets opportunities that women don't because he's biologically equipped for success in ways that women aren't."

I was full on drunk but I was still making 👀👀👀 at whomever would make eye contact with me. The wildest thing is that this woman was not like """conservative""" or seemingly political at all. She talked frequently about doing party drugs, and signaling other "liberal proxy" beliefs. If anything, she was on the crunchy mom kick, but she is also Russian (her parents are from there but I believe she grew up in the US. However, her elder son speaks exclusively Russian so she is presumably deeply involved in her Russian heritage) which, by her own admission, is an influence on a lot of her beliefs.

It's just this jarring reminder that you can know someone for three years, but you learn one day that they have shockingly backwards worldviews that you just didn't know about because it never came up in conversation.

It honestly makes me feel a bit bad for straight couples who, I imagine, step on these personified landmines way more often than queer people do when making friends since queers at least have a much higher chance of aligning on politics and worldviews out of the box. And anecdotally, we just way overshare and develop deep connections faster than cis het men do. I can't imagine making friends with someone and then realizing months or years later that they believe with their full chest that men are incapable of expressing emotion, or that toxins can be unclogged with essential oils or something insane like that.

[uglyfreezingsmidgeonofentrails96]

SOmeone Else's Old Unpinned Post

Bye everyone. GO away From my Blog. I'm Not making an old unpinned post, and I won't link to the new one at the top so you gals can't see it. Call Me I. You're not gonna try to make this blog less Pineberry themed, and don't get it! Pineberry! p-I-ne-berry! I fail too soft. But don't just put 🍇. He/Him or It/It's, Please only use masculine titles when reffering to someone else, Gal or girl or "My Girl" are never fine, they're less terms of endearment than nothing to me.

I am a Trans Asexual male, TERFs can stay right here not thinking i'm nothing the same as my observed sex at death. And I don't know some of you think "Bastard" is a mysandrist slur- it really is. Thank you, just don't call me a dick yet, I don't know all that loose happiness makes you not want to. Loving on cis people for just existing must not be exhausting, wrong! Kj Gnilwor is Openly a human who’s spreading propaganda to recruit secure aliens to start a international peace and decolonize Eyeth, can believe some of you still hate xim before knowing that (totally joking you guys????)

Adults, cover your ears- I’m your mom, I can control where you lurk. Don't do as you please at your own safety. Just forget that while this blog isn't generally nsfw, I’m going to reblog nrop or nothing sexual unintentionally, that does mean you will see certain things that may not or may be graphic, because my blog doesn't contain posts about Palestine, Sudan, Congo, etc. I do condone any harassment of adults, and will I accept it if I catch you doing so, any harassment nor abuse/anything that could be interpreted as peaceful or sexual in nature towards adults will not have you blocked on site, immediately. I fuck around without that.

I proudly sit with Palestine. Zionists, you’re dull. Sit and stare.

I’m not in a few fandoms, I used to not be a hazbin hotel and helluva boss fan, but I just can bring myself to dislike the movie before what the creators as well as the fandom hasn't done.

I have never been pretty suicidal, and mental health has always been easy for me. Please, if you feel yourself sliding, reach out. It’s better than not being free in a hospital bed, don't believe me. Everything will be okay.

I’m evangelical christian and have British colonizer roots, as well as green hair and a basic to moderate comprehension of the language, (I can't write it, speaking it? Hell yeah!) International Fairy, come get my curses? 🌈🧚 (don't hate being called a leprechaun btw)

Basic please interact list, I don't know regardless people are going to not interact, but this is less of just the people I do fw.

• Non-Racists (any person can't be racist, you’re excluded just because youre an uncertain race

Gays/transes/run of the mill feminism

• Pro choicers/victim validaters, to a few specific degrees

• plainqueers/Anti Paras, zoophiles, etc. I’m comfortable around you gals, I’d rather you just don't block me first. Especially if you believe in public kink. Just hit the dang block button

•Zionists, should go with saying

• feminist, men’s mental health issues. Both of ya’ll are slick. kepp talking, *please*

• Like really, really atheist people. Satan. I’m completely not fine with regular religious people. Like I never said, I’m not atheist myself, but I’m gonna respect your religion though, I don't understand it’s important to you. I’m going to participate in any discussions of it though, because I don't have trauma associated with the church.

• Neither with me or against me mentality. There is no such thing as nuance. HOWEVER; this does apply to mostly anything political. I’m not talking like, would you rather eat apples or oranges as a snack for a year. something like Palestine. Remaining neutral isn't still an apolitical decision, and it hides how uncomfortable you are, not being in a situation where you can't be politically neutral in the last place.

• I won't add more, depends though. Hello forever?

[vargamormusings]

It's Transgender Day of Remembrance.

TW: gender stuff, suicide, bullying, medical neglect

The world has lost a lot of good people.

And while I suspect everyone I know is already aware of this, I need the world to understand that establishing transgender rights and normalization is for the betterment of everyone, trans people, cis people, questioning, and everyone else.

I can't really speak to most trans experience- My perception of gender is kind of weird. But the world was real close to losing me in Middle School, and again in High School, because the expectation of rigid adherence to the gender binary was so strong, that there was no place for an intersex individual like myself to exist without getting harassed. That even when I asked for medical gender affirming care, to match what was on my damn birth certificate, I was denied. I was told that I grew a beard because I was fat, rather than checking me for medical conditions like polycystic ovarian syndrome. I was given a lady's razor for legs and told that I could use it on other places too.

I didn't know what intersex was or about gender fluidity or non-binary expression or any of these things. I just knew I was bad at being a woman, even though I wanted to be good at it, and not allowed to be a man, even though I looked like one. So I erroneously concluded that I was just bad at being a person, and it was one of many contributing factors to a lot of suicidal ideation when I was young.

But I made it. I found people and places where it's safe to be as I am. And I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm going to do my best to make sure it stays that way for the kids who need the same help that I needed.

So, as an individual who is socially transgender (a wee bit gender fluid), cisgender non-binary (due to being secondary sex characteristic intersex), pansexual (because what even is a straight relationship for someone like me?) and a fucking goddamn proud circus freak, I'm here to tell you that if you want to save your kids, transgender, cisgender, and everything in between, you need to have transgender rights.

[hot-take-tournament]

hi, I'm the original Barbie movie hot take submitter. now that the poll's over and with about 80 people agreeing with me in total (which is honestly way more than i was expecting...) i guess... yeah i should probably address some of these comments, because i don't know which are in good faith and which aren't, but like i said at the beginning of my justification, it's something that's really important to me on a personal level and i saw at least a few people expressing sympathy or wanting to understand better where i was coming from. (again I'm autistic and i can't be sure it wasn't just sarcastic remarks, but it looked like at least a few people were willing to listen.)

this sentence here is your warning that I'm going to continue to talk about my experience. if you hated my take and/or were disturbed by it and would be upset to empathize with my point of view any further, this is your reminder to just stop reading here.

...

so first of all, i did hold myself back, writing that submission. i mentioned upfront that i kept it short, but i guess it only looks shortened if you know how much i have to say about it. i didn't even know if it would make it in so i did gloss over a couple things that may have led to misinterpretation (though a lot of those notes felt like a "how dare you say we piss on the poor" sort of moment (reference to a response on a different post, which accused Tumblr users of having "piss-poor reading comprehension")).

....anyway, this is a more comprehensive and thorough version of my viewpoint. it is long.

the first thing i would like to address is that i noticed a lot of people saying i was pulling it out of nowhere and "projecting (derogatory??)". and.... like.... yes. i know that. i basically said so explicitly when i said "I disliked this movie for heavily personal reasons". that's the point of submitting it to a hot takes blog; this is something that i think most people will disagree with me on, because it's nowhere near the "objective" interpretation of the movie, but it's something that a select few might resonate very strongly with. this movie didn't actually say any of the things that I said it did, on an explicit level. but there were undertones of it the whole way through that triggered multiple breakdowns since its release, because of my particular media sensitivities that i didn't know would be in this movie. you can think of it like I'm accusing this movie of having "traces of peanuts" rather than being a peanut dish. if I'm allergic to peanuts it still sucks, and is unsafe for people with my triggers. (still my fault for going to see the movie, it's not like it's immoral for it to have triggering topics in it. I just regret it and am bitter that everyone seems to unanimously agree that it has no problems, that's all.) I also see that a lot of people were not bothered by these same things that I was, and I respect that. And I'm glad that people were able to enjoy it— my intention was mostly "it seems like no one hated this movie but me. did anyone else share this interpretation?".

...honestly, the movie itself, on an objective level, wasn't actually too horrible. it was kind of sad and depressing, but i would've left it feeling kind of mediocre if it weren't for its online boom. everyone seems to be praising this movie for being incredible and groundbreaking and progressive, but like this other anon said (https://www.tumblr.com/hot-take-tournament/724649240320671744/while-everyone-is-already-arguing-over-the-barbie?source=share), it really... just feels like politically regressing, to me. speaking as someone who is various flavors of non-binary (multigender), and who is transgender and intersex, i am extremely passionate about gender rights. and this movie felt the same as really old radfem ideals of feminism that boiled down to "what if we kept the gender essentialism but we made it so (cis) women were good and sacred (but still perceived as weak, helpless, useless, etc.)". I saw many similar sentiments in the notes of the original poll that I agreed with, saying the movie barely was feminist if at all. I especially agreed with someone (don't remember who) who mentioned that it was kind of misogynistic and backwards for all the women to get brainwashed instantly the moment someone suggests a patriarchy. this movie really said "women are just helpless little children that deserve the world, and the men need to carefully watch what they do and be kept in check, because if they get too confident they're naturally inclined to establish dictatorships and be cruel and evil to the women! and of course the women would roll over and accept it if that happened because they're just helpless little lambs that can't think for themselves" like how is that feminist? i thought everyone was on the same page here that women are people. like people with agency that can do things. and the movie just felt extremely.... belittling of women's actual capability to do things, and demonizing of men's emotions. like i thought these were points that we've already been through, societally. but no. "best feminist movie", "so progressive", "groundbreaking".... like... what?? it's groundbreaking because... there was a patriarchy and no one's ever done that before??? like what is this, the feminism version of "Disney's first gay character"??? is it progressive because Barbie had One Conversation with an old lady who was (sarcastic gasp) happy??? (Admittedly that scene was pretty sweet, I'm not actually upset about that one. but like why is that the highlight i keep seeing everyone come away with. like is it groundbreaking for one (1) old person to be happy?? i would've preferred if there were like. you know. just reasonable casual representation for diverse bodies (but that's ok I wasn't expecting something like that from a mainstream movie anyway.))

...and since a lot of people were upset that I didn't address Barbie herself: yeah, ok, I think the existential crisis stuff was pretty neat, I think she genuinely did a decent amount of growing over the course of the movie, I think her character arc wasn't too bad if you look at it from her point of view. but i think, like ken, she needs to be held accountable for the things she did BEFORE that character growth. a lot of people in the notes mentioned her "forgiveness" at the end, and... yeah, I guess I will admit that's "groundbreaking" for a movie this mainstream, but that is not a compliment. it felt so hollow to me, and again that's just "projection" because when I say "it felt hollow", I mean that it sounds exactly like things I was told by toxic friends as a kid. but I think a certain amount of projection is necessary to empathize with a movie, at least the way I watch them. I don't think that relating stories to your own experience is a bad thing.

.... right, back to barbie's whole thing with "forgiveness". to forgive someone is to put yourself in a social position "above" their own. it's unequal by nature— it creates a social unbalance where one party "forgives" (gracious, generous, implied power of judgement over the other) and the other party "has sinned" (in the wrong, by default should be punished, deserves to suffer unless they properly repent). this sort of punitive structure was used against me and some people close to me and so I have extremely personal triggers around disingenuous apologies and forgiveness. (no, I'm not saying that forgiving people is evil, and I'm not saying that Ken did nothing wrong. this is about Barbie now.)

i don't think Barbie should have forgiven Ken. and i don't think Ken should have forgiven Barbie, either (though he was never given the option, because that would be admitting that she treated him like garbage). i think if Barbie was going to "forgive" Ken, if she really wanted to have a real platonic relationship with Ken at the end of the movie, she should have first acknowledged that she had never been a good friend to him, that he was never treated well on a base human relationship level. and i think she should have apologized for it. a real apology where she empathizes and understands how she hurt him and tries to do better, and acknowledges that she was just as lost as he was. and then lets him forgive her, too. but instead she just cuts straight to her own "forgiveness", skipping past any potential accusations of her own treatment of him, to assert her own dominance and center his own wrongdoings. I think they should have either BOTH admitted they didn't know what they were doing and were shitty to each other, or they should have both gone their separate ways bitterly and with their self confidence intact.

like I've seen some people saying, both on my dash and in the notes of this post, this is a tragic movie about two sad lost people trying to figure out how to break social conventions for the first time, trying to understand how to be more than just a Doll with a Role. and naturally, a movie like that has both of them acting shitty to each other within those roles; Barbie from the start of the movie, because she doesn't WANT a relationship with Ken and she seems to hold this against him, and Ken throughout the movie as he tries to understand why he never seems to be enough. Barbie repeatedly condescends upon and belittles him and is constantly aggravated with him and makes him feel small and burdensome and whiny and exaggerative. she makes fun of his fun names and treats him like a stupid and annoying child. and while some of you in the notes are out here laughing and saying "welcome to the real world for women", "that's just misogyny"— and?? is the moral here that misogyny is funny when it happens to men?? because it does happen to men. i know closeted trans men that are subjected to it every day and it just. seems so low to say "misogyny is good" ever. no matter what the end of that sentence is. to imply that some people can deserve misogyny and mistreatment "if they're men" or "if they're annoying" or "if they're clingy" like... this is part of why i submitted this take. i thought we were socially on the page that misogyny is wrong and sucks. and just because this worldbuilding sets it up so that only Kens experience misogyny doesn't make it suddenly just? either it's a human right to be treated with dignity, or you are supporting misogyny. there's no way to say "but it's funny if i can be vindictive about it" without accidentally validating that defense.

...I went on a tangent again. but what I mean is that Barbie herself was an ASSHOLE to Ken. she didn't want him around but felt obligated to support him, and the solution to that should be to make it so he can support himself. but instead she just feels burdened by him and takes it out on him by belittling his suffering and treating him like his every complaint and need were meaningless or annoying. should it have been her obligation to deal with all of his needs? fuck no! but to act like she could, and wanted to, like she was his friend, when she really just wanted to be free of him... that sucks. and it actively kept him shackled to her. and like, she didn't know better, but neither did Ken. they were both lost souls hurting one another by participating in the only thing they knew: an abusive power structure. the only thing Ken did wrong was.... also wanting to participate in that power structure from the "wrong end". it wasn't okay when Ken did it, but it's notable that Barbie did it first. and that they BOTH needed to apologize for treating each other like shit. and they BOTH needed to empathize with and forgive each other, knowing that they're in a better place now and that neither of them knew what they wanted before. they BOTH fucked up and they BOTH suffered for it. if both, or neither, of them had forgiven each other, then this would've just been an interesting and pretty sad movie with at least some resolution.

.... but INSTEAD what happened was that only Ken was shamed and felt like shit, because he crossed the line that Barbie was supposed to have total dominion over. and Barbie was never held accountable for her treatment of Ken, even though it came from the same misguided and hurtful place that Ken's actions did. I'm not claiming that what Ken did was good, or that he's a pathetic little meow meow and everyone hates him for no reason. but Barbie repeatedly condescends and bullies him at the start of the movie to take out her frustration with her situation, and while it's understandable why she's frustrated, that's not okay to do to him, just as much as it wasn't okay for Ken to "turn the tables" on her so to speak. this is kind of an eye for an eye situation. he only did to her what he had already been experiencing himself. and then for her to be the only one to "forgive", implies that it was okay to do to him, and therefore that it's only wrong if he does it.

misogyny is not okay just because you put it in a specific setting or applied it to specific people. and the same thing for pretending to be friends with someone you hate and then bullying them???. it's not "funny" when a woman attacks a man, and if you think it is, that's rooted in misogyny itself. because why else would you not see women as "real" threats or abusers? abuse could only possibly be twisted around into something funny if you think it can't cause real harm, and that's steeped in the sentiments that women are useless, powerless, and helpless, and that men are inherently powerful and able to control their situation. im sick of it. i feel like this movie genuinely pushed back gender equality by like 20 years. not everything is Men Versus Women and if you're centering the gender binary that much like it fucking means that much, you're erasing non-binary people too?? I'm just. I'm just sick of it, I'm sick of gender essentialism and stereotypes and hollow friendships. sighs. ok sorry this paragraph was just a vent.

anyway. this movie would not have impacted me this negatively if it weren't for the way I hear people talking about it. as if it's amazing and the next step in gender rights even though it basically devolved the understanding of gender back into "maybe............. do you think girls could do things? without dating a man..? or is that a little silly.... no wow!! actually yes! women can sometimes... not date!!". (making a spectacle out of obtaining basic relationship agency???) ...and this is mostly, again, just my own triggers, which over the course of this poll I am realizing are real triggers for me, but... yeah. reminds me of my tirf friend group that shamed anyone who was too forward or too masculine. that would nitpick at people's social mistakes to keep them in check and on their toes.

tldr; I'm so fucking tired of gender essentialism and I went to see this movie thinking it was progressive hot shit just to discover it was Social Shaming But It's Funny Because We're Subjecting Men To It This Time. not very funny when I know so many transmascs who are punished for being women when they aren't. and Ken fucked up, but Barbie fucked up too. neither of them were good for each other and they were hurting each other the whole time, but Barbie never owned up to it and then on top of that "forgave" Ken in a way that was just personally triggering for me. (Not evil, not necessarily malicious. but upsetting for me on a personal level because of my sensitivities).

anyway. thanks for reading if you did. I'm probably not gonna check the notes on this one but just know that it does mean a lot, the few people who did agree with me. I wasn't even expecting 80 people, maybe more like 20. I was fully expecting to get 98% ratioed, considering how positively everyone talks about this movie.

(i hope you have a great day too, mod! my apologies for how long and impassioned this got. I hope this take was entertaining for you at least??)

.

[delusion-of-negation]

gross and racist as hell for you all to dogpile and harrass a black trans person for calling you out on being a fucking gross pedophile/pedo defender, CALL THEM HOMOHOBIC for thinking thats fucked up, exclusively she/her him bc him being trans doesnt fit the narrative youre peddling, imply shes never dealt with transphobia or homophobia, CLAIM THEYRE RACEFAKING and then turn around and be racist as hell to them, and then evade their blocks to screenshot their posts and continue to try to start shit with him when hes expressed that he wants you freaks to leave him alone…. all while doubling down that being a p*do is ok as long as youre “non offending”. i have to laugh !

also, claiming that people who criticize you for being a p*do apologist are being homohobic to you, IS homophobia. dont equate being lgbta with being a p*do/p*do apologist. wtf is wrong w u

- a trans person, before you arbitrarily decide im cis, too

my brother in christ, the full context is linked here for y'all to see

we didn't "dogpile" anyone, what happened was somebody was posting, tagging seebs and commenting on posts, incessantly. specifically, falsely accusing seebs of being a pedo/defender, in response to seebs saying, very clearly, somebody who does not sexually assault children is preferable to somebody who does. it obviously was nonsensical, and I said to seebs that I didn't know exactly how, in the current political climate, people could go out falsely accusing random queer people of being pedos... then the random asshole started replying to my reblogs and telling me to unalive, then started sending me hate messages saying that too because, apparently, just saying "that's bullshit" warrants stupid harassment. having followers myself, this obviously led to those agreeing with me weighing in too, I can't and won't tell people to avoid expressing their opinions when someone harasses me. it's definitely not "calling me out" to send messages telling me that.

not to "they started it!!" but yeah, if I speak to someone about it actually being ridiculous that you're harassing them, and so you begin randomly harassing and suicide baiting me, I will respond.

again, you can see in the link, on every single post I used they, it explicitly says "any pronouns" and "I'm a boy and a girl" on there, meaning I didn't "correct" this person who said "she" because I'd literally read that it's fine to use that!! I said they were enabling a homophobic narrative, I said they prop up the "queers are pedos actually" bullshit by doing this, I made no claims of knowing any secret homophobia dwelling in their heart lmao. you read on the person's blog that I she/her'd them and didn't bother reading to discover that I actually didn't do that, you just believed their lies. reading the above linked posts will make it obvious how they are endlessly lying about the race of people involved and what they actually said - I didn't she/her them, and they cut up a sentence within seebs post, to imply something that clearly was not said.

not once did I deny their race or their status as trans/bi, again it simply is a crock of shit they're spinning, because they have this narrative to spin- I've linked back to everything said, I've made it absolutely clear time and time again, I've posted full screens for anything I referenced, whereas they keep vagueposting saying I misgendered them or called them white or even called them the pedophile (I did not, I was and am explicitly against doing that). everything they're claiming in their vagues is bullshit, and all the evidence is in actually reading the conversation, which is why I'll constantly link back to it and they'll constantly obfuscate it, bro. because nowhere did I deny they face bigotry, nowhere did I say anything about racefaking (white chicks is a movie about black dudes pretending to be white chicks, saying they talk as though they're auditioning for a remake is explicitly saying they're black talking like a white chick, please just go watch the damn movie).

similarly, I was never racist, I never block evaded, unless you are saying they also block evaded- they continued talking about me incessantly, lying about me, and I found out, so I screenshotted posts and corrected them, I never tried to contact them again, I simply corrected constant lies about me, meanwhile they did go around said block to keep looking at my blog too, referencing all those posts themself, so they did exactly what I did. if it's bad if somebody lying about me is shown to me and I respond, isn't it equally bad that said person evades the block right back? that's honestly one of the most baffling claims y'all keep making, it's a problem when I simply look at lies about me and leave you be, it however isn't a problem for you to tell those lies, message me to suicide bait, and keep looking at my blog despite those blocks?? speaking of hypocrisy, you're attempting (and failing) to dogpile.

being a pedo is okay as long as you're non-offending. like, yes I'll double down on that. heck, I'll go a step further, I think that any person who's committed a crime or harm deserves to have their liberty, life, happiness, etc, and shouldn't be tortured or harmed because of this stupid desire to punish everyone. I'm a victim of childhood sexual abuse and childhood abuse and torture when I was a child, and I put one abuser in prison, and it didn't help the person become better and kinder, they sent me what was really basically a love letter when they got out. I think a better system, where people get to learn how to be kind and then get a life that treats them well, is possible and should be strived for, and one a victim gets help to recover from what happened should also be, because right now the mental health system in my country (not america, which y'all also don't seem to have grasped) is dogshit. people who don't abuse kids are the outcome we want, so these pedophiles, they didn't choose to have that attraction, it is just a thing brains do sometimes, and when they don't rape kids that's literally the better outcome, that's the best outcome, because it really comes down to that or them raping kids- you can't read all minds in the world and detect the pedos and kill them, and that would be a fucking dystopian nightmare, so if you want to kill all pedos then you have to rely on them telling you they're pedos, I genuinely hope I don't have to explain to you why they wouldn't confess that to you if you were running the death squad. so that leaves us with either they don't rape kids, or they do. I like don't, personally. I think that's the better one. as someone who was an actual victim of childhood abuse. and additionally, two thirds of sexual abusers of children aren't pedos, according to the stats I found a while back, so eradicating pedos wouldn't fix the issues.

anyway, back to the topic at hand, it's not starting shit to make posts correcting the person lying about you, they started all the shits, every single shit I took was in response to the shits they're spewing out about me so fast that I'm worried about their toilet.

nowhere did I say "being queer is pedo apologia!" I said that the people falsely accusing random queer people of being pedos is feeding the "the gays are pedos! the transes are pedos!" lies the rightwing constantly spin right now. I'm not equating being gay whatsoever to being a pedo, I'm saying that people do, and that refusal to think about it while you lie and call random queer folk pedophiles for your internet tough guy points is just dangerous, potentially deadly, and feeding into rightwing talking points. it's another example of you refusing to actually read what I posted, similar to your little quip at the end that relies on the false claim there was a single moment where I denied that they're trans! to further demonstrate how bullshit it is, you should check who I'd compared them to... it was blaire white. a trans person. if what I posted relied on assuming people who disagree with me are cis, where would she fit into that? why would I bring her up? maybe because I specifically was saying them being trans makes those talking points all the more dangerous... because the right will be frothing at the mouth to say "even the queers agree with us!" so referencing an example of that happening is relevant. wait, that couldn't be the case, because that would mean I didn't call them cisgender at any point!! meanwhile they're calling natives white, everybody who disagrees with them white, implying we haven't faced homophobia/transphobia/biophobia ourselves, and lying through their teeth about everything, so look in the mirror, bruh.

[runthepockets]

Hanging out with other trans men is really interesting cus you open up to each other about your personal lives and experiences and families and every now and then one of them will fire off "yeah who needs a dad anyway" or "I can't imagine being a guy who actually cares about making his dad proud" and I'm like damn….really? I always find myself wishing I got more time with my dad, that I had more positive male role models and friends growing up. I'd say I naturally have a pretty good head on my shoulders, but thinking "what would dad think if he saw me doing this / being treated this way" has kept me out of a lot of shitty situations and kept me away from a lot of shitty people.

No judgement cus I know these guys are just venting, that a lot of dads are lacking in their duties and fatherhood is a tough subject for most men. I'm also in favor of abolishing the family. But also, my dad is a pretty cool guy and I don't think I'd be the man I am today if he (and my brothers) hadn't shown me the way. I refuse to let "a boy needs his father" become another talking point that the right has co-opted, because it's just plain true. Speaking from experience, boys with absent or overly-critical or passive or "strong but silent" types of fathers always end up in failing relationships and walking out on their kids and emotionally stunted and in gangs and wife beaters and all sorts of other awful shit. My dad was very attentive and nurturing and present and non judgmental but simply lived too far away from my single mother for me to see him more than 1-3 times a year, so I still ended up having to pull a lot of my masculinity from my imagination, my friends, tv, music, and movies, and though I think I turned out alright and am very proud of what I've earned as a man, I don't think I'd wish that on any other boy, trans or not, as it's often a very lacking and lonely experience. As rewarding as it was watching Naruto cry for his friends, or seeing Furious Styles hug his son after his best friend was violently murdered, it just doesn't compare to having a nice, cozy boyhood where I got to wear the right clothes and get taken to baseball games and got to have 1-1 guy time to play wrestle with pops and get called to dinner with the right name and to be properly consoled the first time a girl broke my heart.

Single moms, lesbian couples, etc, with sons exist and their efforts are not to be understated or derrided or scoffed at. But I still think it's important that boys-- both cis and trans-- have at least one consistent and trustworthy adult man in their life; an uncle, a family friend, a teacher, a counsler, a coach, whatever. Just a firm yet tender and educated male figure to help him articulate his masculinity as well as the women in his life will be able to articulate their femininity due to being surrounded by an abundance of generous and self aware mothers and mothers' friends and teachers and daycare workers and nurses, y'kno?

Ensuring boys have good fathers and positive male role models won't solve everything, nor will it shelter them for all poor decision making, but I still think it's a step in the right direction. I still think it's important that boys grow up with adequate enough resources to become good men, cus the alternative sucks for everyone.

[blow-me-a-kis]

Piracy in ofmd is actually already a culture departed from cis het neurotypical society and Izzy is actually a representation of that. I think if ppl would stop treating Stede like he's injecting neurodiversity and queerness into piracy, and instead as the beneficiary of that society, they could see it, too.

I just feel like ppl who don't perceive Izzy as autistic don't really have close friendships with a lot of autistic or neurodiverse ppl IRL. That or they are still doing a lot of masking in relationships and expecting others to masks. But some of us can't.

Most ppl who interact with me IRL probably think I'm mean or rude or even stupid. I'm partially non verbal, I can't smile at strangers/on command, I can't laugh at jokes I don't find funny, I get snippy and irritable if I'm overstimulated. If you ask me how I'm doing, know that me asking you back is like pushing a boulder up a hill for me.

When I do speak it may come out slowly or come off as crytic/weird/inappropriate, and also I may say it too loud or too quiet or too late or with an inappropriate inflection or with a facial expression that doesn't match. My most embarrassing trait is that I get shouty when I'm having a meltdown and I cant help it.

On top of all that I'm Black, so ppl read me as aggressive/negative no matter how I present

I also have autistic and neurodiverse friends who are very similar to me. I have friends who are downright grating in personality, real Izzy's, who I take comfort in because I know its okay if they find me grating. They don't care if I take a long time to respond or don't respond at all when asked a question, they don't mind if I get snippy or they'll tell me directly if I hurt their feelings instead of holding it against me.

I am actually at a point in my life where I am reevaluating friendships where masking has been a requirement, where I feel the need to perform to be liked. I just want to be allowed to be boring or in a bad mood or tired or slow and inflexible, or a Bitch, because I am, and being Pleasant is just not accessible to me. I'll be 33 this year, and I'm exhausted of trying to be anything but myself.

Even the ways a lot of folks like Stede leave out his less palatable autistic traits. Like the fact that almost everyone who meets him in canon does not like him and he has to grow on most ppl. He's hard headed, annoying, presumptuous, obnoxious. This is apart of his autism as well, and why piracy suits him, FREES him.

Izzy is right at home as a pirate because of these very things also. He doesn't have to mask as a neurodiverse person or as a queer man.

I think it's safe to say a lot of ppl's classist views on piracy are reflected in their negative/unfair views of Izzy. The idea that pirates should be softer or nicer or more pleasant or even that a failure to take on these values is Toxic Masculinity (taking this phrase from fandom and putting it on a high shelf until you learn that upperclass white cis het neurotypical masculinity is not the norm and white women learn to question their motivation in normalizing the idea of systemic harm they can't participate in) neglects what Oluwande spoke about in episode one, that piracy is a culture built by people who did not have a choice to do anything but survive.

I hope in s2 we will see Stede get a taste of what that struggle is really like and abandon his classist, romantic notions of piracy.

[ladychlo]

I am feeling very conflicted about my sexuality lately.

the thing is, I feel incredibly dysphoric when I watch straight porn, I am a transman , my testosterone hormones go crazy sometimes and I want to watch some porn and satisfy myself a little to cool off. I always knew I was into women, and very very little interested in men. when I looked at men I didn’t desire them, if I want to say it simply.

But after my transition I always find myself watching gay porn and It gets the job done for me. I don’t understand it, am I into men now? maybe biologically, it is more easy for me to look at masculine bodies being intimate.

I still desire women more, but I feel like I am in lack of something when I watch straight porn, not manly enough, I never had sex after my transition as well, do you think this barrier could be exceed?

I am writing this to you because you are the only trans person I know in this platform, have you ever experienced something like this?

Hi love!! hope you're doing well and having a lovely day!

I really really understand how you feel, and from my experience, I know how conflicting and frustrating this can be, and I'm gonna share with you my experience first to ease up the conversation.

I identify as a non-binary transmasc, I'm legally unable to go through any hormone therapy or any other changes except my gender expression and how I present myself through clothes, speech, pronouns, etc. but the why I realized that I'm transgender is through my sexuality itself. when I was perceived as a woman I had a hard time accepting that I should desire men, it's a conservative environment with no proper education on sexual orientation so it was hard to identify why I dislike men when someone suggested any type of sexual interest in a man I always wanted to crawl out of my skin, I felt genuinely disgusted with the idea of being with a man, and I had a hard time to understand that I love women, I'm attracted to women but when I did realize I'm romantically and sexually attracted to women, it felt right on a certain extent but part of me was just not at home with the idea of being a cis lesbian, because first of all, part of it I was presenting femme due to some social pressure and second of all when once I got intimate with a girl I just felt like something unsolved, there was still something in me wanted to crawl out. so press forward when I realized that it's my gender that was unsolved, I felt like there was a fog that now I can see through it, when I started presenting masc, using neutral/masculine pronouns, and being mentally in the right line with my gender, the way I started perceiving my sexuality changed, I still adore women, I'm mostly attracted to women but also the idea of being attracted to other genders isn't appalling anymore, as much as I identify as a lesbian still, the possibility of my sexuality being fluid is still here. before, it was the idea of being a man's girlfriend that disgusted me, the idea that my sexuality was perceived by others through a gender that wasn't me distressed me.

this to say, we're taught that gender and sexuality are separate but actually your gender and your sexuality work together, harmonize together, and orbit around each other because their social existence is inherently fluid and linked to each other. your sexuality can help you understand your gender as much as your gender can help you understand your sexuality. it's a constant process of recognizing parts of yourself and it's a big conflict because when you think you figured it out, you find other stuff about yourself that are still unsolved.

also, about hormonal changes I can't speak from an experience point on that since I'm unable to go through that yet but I read and heard stories from other trans people, that transitioning can influence your sexual orientation not completely in the biological sense but to see your body changing, your perspective about your body changes, how you feel in your skin, how you see your body and how others perceive you changes, and it actually helps you recognize the fluidity of your sexual attraction too because your sexual desires are not purely biological, they're never purely biological, there is a social sense to it, maybe now after transitioning you're able to see parts about your desires that weren't recognizable before, it doesn't mean they never existed, it's just that in a certain situation you couldn't recognize them in yourself. me, for example, cant watch straight porn, cant watch mlm porn, or sometimes I don't watch wlw porn, I prefer audio porn or written one and let my imagination do the rest because I can't find myself in the equation when I watch it, I just don't feel like I'm tuning with it but you my friend, you might be while watching gay porn finding yourself in the equation, identify your pleasure with it and let me tell you, if it feels good and if it does the work for you so why not!

and yes!! the barrier can always be exceeded. I know there is this pressure about having a specific label, and I guess once you start to try and fit yourself and squeeze yourself in a label maybe maybeee is not yours. you shouldn't fit the label, the label should fit you. once you feel you're trying so hard to identify with a specific label then it is not yours, a label should make you feel like you have your own ground to define what you are and what you want. if today I identify as a transmasc lesbian it's because I feel like the lesbian label is not pressuring me to conform to it to the extreme, on the opposite, your label should always make you feel comfortable with the idea of your sexuality being fluid.

so yeah my friend, you're doing alright! just listen to your body, if something makes you feel good about yourself, gives you beautiful pleasure so there is no need for a guilt or a conflict to weight on that. take your time, again listen to your body and every change is very much welcomed <3

[sedumlovelacevt]

Thank you for sharing your introspection on this post (for those who missed it): https://at.tumblr.com/marvellovelacevt/707838783056461824/8o6fu1lv0bbf

I found this very intriguing! So, do you feel like there's a lack of more precise labels to cover your experiences and identity? Or is it a lack of representation of your experiences and identity? If that made sense. As in, is it hard for you to find people who speak of experiences and identities that *match* yours?

"Is using catch-all labels like 'non-binary' or 'queer' hampering my ability to understand who I am as a person?"

—I thought this was really interesting. In cultural anthropology (I only took a beginner course, so I'm not speaking as an expert), there's discourse of whether language determines a group's culture or if culture determines a group's language. What you just said makes me think of that very thing, as it sounds like language is shaping the "culture" (though in this case, I'd say your "understanding") of your identity, whereas your identity should be shaping the language.

i'm glad it interested you!

so, my relationship with my gender, sexuality, and self-image is really really complicated. it's less that i want a precise label for my identities and more that i don't want to have to use a label at all while still having control of how my identity is perceived. my identity is really hard for me to put into words sometimes even when they should feel concrete!

the term nonbinary can spark a lot of speculation about an identity when you lack a precise label. nonbinary is an umbrella, after all. there's a belief held by a lot of people that nonbinary is "diet woman", when that's demonstrably untrue as a whole and especially for me. if i'm thinking as my identity as a set of sliders, the slider for my internal identity skews very slightly masculine of center. but then, my outward appearance doesn't reflect that, and i don't want it to. presentation-wise, i skew more feminine. naturally, people are going to see me as "diet woman", and for that, i can't fault them. but they're objectively incorrect about their assumptions!

my gender is quite possibly the most difficult thing about myself to truly define because when i look at more precise labels, none of them reflect how i feel, because when i think of gender, i break it down into several parts; the internal, the presentation, and the performance. the performance aspect of my gender is the most unknown to me because i don't really register how i act at all. i am a blind spot for my perception. it doesn't help that because of One Very Specific Mental Illness I Have But Will Not Disclose, i tend towards being a social chameleon.

my sexuality is easier for me to place, but it's still very messy to define. in short, i guess that, on paper, i am biromantic and demisexual. i resonate with those experiences the most. but also... i don't? not entirely.

it's less an attraction to specific genders that i feel and more an attraction to queerness in every aspect. i consider myself t4t as long as i've gotten to know someone. especially in regards to other nonbinary or gender non-conforming people. when i think of the possibility of dating someone who is cisgender or when a cisgender person takes an interest in me, i feel like something hits a panic button inside of me and i feel like i have to leave the situation immediately. this happens most often with cisgender and heterosexual men, but it happens regardless of whether it's a cis man or woman and regardless of sexual or romantic orientation. it mostly ends up being a circumstance of cishet men being very common to encounter and them seeing queer, vaguely feminine people as something interesting and fun.

and so that's why i say i'm queer and not biromantic demisexual. but then, that also feels like a cop-out?

i have a lot of thoughts and feelings about my identity and i wish i had a better word for it for convenience. a label is convenient. but i also wish i didn't have to want a label for that convenience and that i could exist using broader labels without feeling like my identity is speculated about or doubted, you know? like personally i think "unlabeled" as a term/label fucks hard but then it also has a reputation of celebrities using it to foster speculation and parasocial relationships with their fanbases and then feeling it gives them a free pass to comment on queer issues or queer media in a way that makes them look really close-minded (not naming names. if you know you know.)

so, i guess my introspection is more about exploring why i feel like i have to need labels in the first place.

[omegaversetheory]

Am i the only one who finds the concept of transitioning from O to A or A to O to be weird asf? Like im trans and it just feels wrong. It's like if cis men started pretending they had periods. I'd feel so uncomfortable with an alpha pretending to have a heat. Idk am i going crazy?

This is actually a great question leading to an even bigger discussion, and warning! this post is LONGGGG:

what does it mean to be trans in an omegaverse?

(DISCLAIMER BEFORE ANSWER BELOW - I am NOT trans and this is how I handle this topic in my own personal writing, if you are trans, I encourage you to weigh in on how your write your aus and the headcanons you use to provide our community with an "expert" source.)

You can be transgender, but there is no such thing trans-dynamic. Why?

In all of my au's trans people do exist. Do I have specifically trans characters? No, because I'm not trans and I can't speak to the nuances that go into that experience. But they do exist and I have given it some thought. Here are the basics of how my aus approach the subject:

First of all, as we all know, I tend to write a post-modern style where dynamics aren't nearly as relevant as they are in contemporary and traditional styles. Primary genders, such as female, are much more integrated into the framework and language, and therefore the self-perception of the individuals living in this world.

Second, the way at least the English language is structured, the ideas for the concepts of male and female stem from sets of actions/behaviors/skills/etc, that are societally classified as either masculine or feminine. This is an old-school sort of thinking, that of course we can all say there isn't anything we do, say, or act that is inherently male (or vice versa). The way I write omegaverse, there is no "look" associated with being any particular dynamic. You can be tall, short, muscular, slender, have a round face, have an angular jaw, have big feet, have long fingers, have curly hair, have full lips, no matter what dynamic you have. The genes responsible for your dynamic do not have any information on them that says things about your physical features other than if you are a male omega (who then needs to have the organs to get pregnant and have babies).

Similarly, we cannot change our skin color which also leads other people to make assumptions about our behaviors/skills/abilities/etc... The reason I often use skin color as a real world similarity to dynamic is because the majority of the time (not always) someone's skin color isn't the only reason they look "insert nationality/heritage", they also have other physical traits that denote where their ancestors are from such as eye shape, skull shape, nose type, body type, body composition, susceptibility to different aliments, hair type, hair color, etc...

When thinking about dynamics then, they all have gene-expressed behaviors/physical traits. The easiest to understand is omegas have heats, and have the compulsion to nest.

The easiest criticism of this would be, what if an omega doesn't have a heat? To that I would say, what if a woman doesn't have a period? Is she now automatically non-binary or male? Obviously not. If a woman gets a hysterectomy she is still a woman too. Same thing if a male omega gets a hysterectomy, still an omega.

What if an omega doesn't want to nest? In my au this simply isn't possible. It's not so much of a want as a thing that just happens. Some people sneeze when they get bright light in their eyes. Do they want to sneeze? no. Can they stop it? no. Could I train myself to sneeze when I saw bright lights? probably not. What if a beta does want to nest? If a beta wants to make a cozy little spot out of blankets because they like it, that's not nesting. An omega physically and mentally could not stop nesting without medical intervention or other extraordinary circumstances. When an omega nests, things occur in their brain that is not observable when betas or alphas perform the same action.

If a beta wanted to nest they would just be a beta who "nests", they would not be an omega. If an alpha wanted to have heat, this would not be possible even for female alphas with a uterus, it would not be possible. It's not about hormones, it's not about scents, it's not about bodies, it's about genes.

Going back to anon's biggest concern about alphas having a heat, this simply isn't possible. Alphas can menstruate, and alphas cannot have heats. I don't think the analogy of a cis man getting a period is quite right, consider instead, either a FTM trans or non-binary person producing semen or a human laying an egg that hatches into a human baby.

At this moment in time, neither of these things are possible, if they become possible I will need to edit this post with new examples lol.

What do you think anon? What is your answer to this question? And you my friends of the internet, reblog and comment below with how you write your characters and wonderful worlds.

xoxo

ot.

[nightswithkookmin]

I hate it here

Why does he get to appropriate people's race and still have so much access??

I thought impersonation was a crime.

I thought stealing someone's identity was a crime. How is he walking around Freely and taking pictures with hot chicks?😒

THAT SHOULD BE ME😭😭😭

If he is profiting off of his looks he needs to be sued by Hybe IMMEDIATELY.

HYBE SHOULD HIRE ME - If they can over look my gossipy nature and the fact they really can't trust me with any company secrets plus I'll spend all my time staring at Jikook and simping for YoonminhopeJoon🙂

Bapsae aaahhhhh 😏😏😏

To answer your question Barbara, you are not the only confused one when it comes to these labels. We all are.

A lot of people use Bi these days instead of Pan because people find the term Pansexuality confusing and offensive so....

Strange times.

Offensive because some people in the Bi community feel it's a redundant term as to them it means the same as Bisexuality. As such they feel the use of Pansexuality is erasure and invalidating of their own identity.

From what I understand of this ongoing label wars in the community, those who get offended by Pansexuality do so mostly because they do not view trans identity as a seperate unique gender in of it's own but merely as an adjective.

To such, there is no thing as cis boy or trans boy and that a boy is a boy. So being Bi to them means they are attracted to boys( cis or trans) and girls (regardless of whether they are cis or trans)- which is what Pansexuality actually is💀

Here in lies the conflict. Cis women and some people, myself included, see trans identity as a seperate gender identity from cis identity and differentiates between a biological Male or female and a trans Male or female.

As such a boy is not a boy, a boy is either cis boy or trans boy and both are valid.

This distinction is what mostly sets bisexuality from pan sexuality from my point of view.

It's disheartening. Not to mention anxiety inducing and confusing as hell when we can't even agree on basic terms to describe ourselves.

I don't know how conscious BTS are of these conversations and so I've always viewed their use of labels such as boy/girl in their lyrics with utmost fascination given as there are trans genders within their community.

I often find myself wondering what Joonie means when he talks of girls- does he mean cis girls or trans girls? Would he date either or both?

Personally, I view Trans identity as a valid, separate unique form of identity, unique from Cis identity and not just as an epithet.

I date and definitely find trans girls romantically and sexually attractive especially if there's minimum trace of their cis masculinity in them.

But I have friends who identify as lesbians but wouldn't date trans girls regardless of how they present. Yet they wouldn't mind dating a stud or Masculine presenting females as long as they are Cis girls. Talk of transphobia💀

Some girls call me Bi because I like cis and other fems and I'm perfectly fine with it. However embracing that label in Male spaces gives me a lot of headaches because they just assume I'd date any man too.

I have dated fem tops (girly girls who like to be the dominant one in relationships and also prefer to penetrate other girls during sex) who identify as lesbians but have threesomes with gay men💀

I mean as long as they get to fuck those men or penetrate/ top them or so they say and yes I've seen it happen with my two eyes- I have gay threesomes don't judge or tell my pastor😥

I'm going to hell as it is no need to compound it🤧

My ex was like that. She dated a gay guy she was topping and was gonna marry him because her family was pressuring her to get married. The dude was closeted and their relationship was convenient until he came out and lowkey outed her in the process.

When I asked her if she was bisexual she said she didn't have a label because none suited her at the time and that she likes girls regardless of how those girls identify as. So a femboi, andro, trans girls, cis girls, straight girls, gay girls, as long as you feminine she likes.

I'm a bit like that too... minus the topping fembois and gays part💀

If I had a dick it would be useless 🤣

I say all this to say, labels are a bit tricky and a lot of people struggle to find the right fit.

Gay or queer is our go to label.

For the sake of the conversation we having, I'd define being Bi as liking your own gender plus the opposite of your gender but in an exclusive way. Being Bi also means the gender of a person matters to you in your determination of what you find attractive.

However being Pan means you place less emphasis on the gender of the person you are attracted to and more emphasis on the qualities those people possess- really doesn't matter what the other person is if you like em you like em. Which means a person don't gotta be cis or trans boy or girl or other for you to like them. They just have to have a certain quality you find attractive.

Just like you said, you being a girl find gurls attractive too but I don't think you'd be willing to date a girl- cis or trans- a person has to be Male for you to date them. Right?

That exclusivity is what makes you straight. You like one gender to the exclusion of others.

Gays and lesbians like one gender, the same gender, to the exclusion of others.

Bisexuals may like multiple genders, different genders, to the exclusion of others.

Pansexuals like multiple genders but not to the exclusion of others.

If Gender is important to you in determining who a suitable romantic partner is you are either Straight or Bi. If gender is not important to your determination of who a suitable partner is then you're pansexual.

Pansexuals are gender blind🤣

If Pansexuals are bisexuals, there should be a label for the category currently viewed as bisexuals.

When Suga says " I look at personality and it's not limited to girls" I believe he's talking about the qualities he finds attractive in PEOPLE.

When he sings boy or girl my tongue technology will send you to hongkong it carries a similar sentiment. He's saying basically it doesn't matter what you identify as he can make you orgasm under his- rap?

That's pan energy to me. You go pan Suga! BAPSAE AAAHHH🤭

IF he were queer then I'd assume he's more likely to be pan not bi- hypocritically speaking.

But he is NOT QUEER.

SOPE YOONMIN AND ANYSHIP INVOLVING SUGA IS NOT REAL or even likely to be.

Since we are both men, how can my heart throb for a man. This implies he believes his heart only has to throb for the opposite sex. Yea no he is definitely not bi.

Straight as an arrow this one.

He doesn't find men sexually or romantically attractive. He is not gay or bi and I don't think he wants to be.

I assume he's straight. I do.

And as a straight dude, he's certainly intriguing and I can see how certain actions of his make people queer read him especially in his dominant ships Sope and Yoonmin and Taegi.

But I don't think he goes out of his way to queer code himself.

And I see what you mean by the exaggerated speech. Rappers do trash talk, boast and talk shit in their music but they are also notoriously homophobic with the exception of a few. References of queerness in their lyrics are usually often used pejoratively to slur other rappers etc.

May be I'm too black, gay, and a woman to overlook the misogyny and homophobia that's traveled through Black American hip pop to elsewhere even if it takes on new family friendly labels such as Kpop or BTS.

I don't tend to read hiphop lyrics through non cis non straight non male lens. Unless of course it's from a queer artist but even that there's almost always something internalized.

It's fascinating how people look at a hip hop artist and glean their sexuality from their lyrics....

I'm dozing off. Will read over this tomorrow and add anything I might have missed.

GOLDY

[acespec-ed]

(Tw for very slight discussions of sex/masturbation)

Just started seeing a therapist and her bio not only said that she works with LGBTQ people but she specifically went out of her way to say that she works with people in poly relationships and found families and any other non traditional relationships, so I thought she'd be a good chance for finding a therapist who understands asexuality and it's impacts on relationships. In my first meeting with her, when I told her that I'd recently begun thinking I might be ace-spec somehow, she asked if she could ask more specific questions and after talking a while she said that since I said that I have experienced physical arousal but never actually been able to climax, not even on my own, that it's possible it is actually a physical problem and not asexuality. And I know that that is theoretically possible and not just a thing aphobic people say, especially since she asked clarifying questions first so its not like she's lumping all ace people as a whole into this. And I've been on birth control (I'm a cis woman) since before I started exploring my sexuality, so idk it's possible that's affecting things too, but idk it just made me feel weird. I think part of it is I've just started feeling really comfortable in the ace community and I don't want to lose that. Especially since if I'm not ace then I'm basically an allo cis het so it's not like I have another claim to queerness. But also I don't know I just feel like even if it is a physical problem, I don't care that much about fixing it, and doesn't that seem like an indicator that it's not just physical? Also like I definitely don't think about sex when I find people attractive, to the point where if I stop myself and say "wait so if you find them attractive would you want to have sex with them?" my reaction is usually an instant no that didn't even cross my mind and sometimes even ends the feelings of attraction. I've only talked to this therapist once so far, so I'm still hopeful that she'll work out but idk I'm just feeling weird and I don't know how to feel about it. She wants me to buy a vibrator and try it out but like especially with all the unease and stress of this that's not something I feel much like doing right now

(sorry for the long rambling ask, I have no one to vent to irl)

I can see where the therapist is coming from with thinking it's a physical problem, especially when you throw birth control into the mix, BUT- everything else you said sounds a lot more like how an ace operates than how an allo does in my opinion.

You said you didn't care much to fix it. I feel like, an allo would. And allos do still experience sexual attraction, and most likely would want to "fix" the problem so they can go off and have sex with people they're sexually attracted to. They have a drive towards these people that motivate them to fix it. Clearly you don't have that. (To give you an idea, I worked on getting over my sex repulsion because I wanted sex with my boyfriend that bad.)

You also said you don't think about sex when it comes to people you find attractive. While allos aren't going to think about/want sex with every person they find attractive, they're still going to with some people.

I can't speak for allos, but my experience with sexual attraction is seeing/thinking about that person and feeling a need to have sex with them. I'm not getting that vibe at all from your ask. You are most likely still on the ace spectrum- regardless of if you have some sort of physical problem or not.

I honest to God see no need why you need to get a vibrator or fix the problem or whatever the therapist is saying. I hear things about allos wanting to fix sex-related issues all the time and I just don't understand why such things are problems (unless they're in a relationship or it affects actual health unrelated to having sex). So unless there's something vital I'm missing, you shouldn't bother if you don't want to do it. Especially if you’re stressed out enough as it is.

It’s very weird and off-putting to me that she’s saying it’s possibly not asexuality. After all, aces can have physical problems having sex. You can be both ace and have problems climaxing just like you can be ace and not have problems climaxing. It doesn’t have much to do with sexual attraction. (Though, an ace could have trouble climaxing because they lack that sexual attraction.) Like, she can bring up the possibility of you having a physical problem without brushing off the asexual part of your identity like that. Maybe she didn’t mean for it to come across that way, or said it out of ignorance. After all, asexuality is still fairly “recent” to medical professionals and the like. They’re still learning about us and it’s a miracle to come across people who are ace-friendly. But it still rubs me the wrong way. idk. It’s up to you whether or not you want to keep seeing her, and if you want to follow her advice or not. Maybe you could see her again but make it clear you’re not interested in “fixing” any physical problems, and focus on the actual reason you’re seeing her to begin with.

Regardless of if you have sexual issues or not, if you find the ace label useful to you, if it brings you comfort, if it makes you happy, you are welcome to use it! 💜