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dark-fics-4-you · 8 months

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Keeping the Peace

credit to @jadiwrites for helping write the blowjob scene

dark!Peacekeeper!Coriolanus Snow x f!Reader with a side of dark!Sejanus Plinth (only one scene for Sejanus)

Warnings: smut, noncon (dead dove do not eat), forced sex, forced oral (m!recieving), reader is held up at gunpoint, unprotected sex, degradation, slight spit kink, kidnapping, violence, misogyny, free use themes, abuse of power, power imbalance

The sky over district 12 was cloudy and grey the first time you ever took notice of Coriolanus Snow.

Growing up in the aftermath of the districts’ rebellion meant that you had barely known a life that wasn’t ruled by Peacekeeping grunts. Your memories before then were murky, you could remember a difficult life without many pleasures or much to eat, followed by periods of war, when food was even harder to come by.

You could remember countless faceless Peacekeepers blurring together, all of them looked the same to you. Just a bunch of capitol brutes who struck fear into the heart and souls of everyone in your district, yourself included. You had learned at a young age to never talk to, or talk back to, a Peacekeeper.

Even making eye contact with a Peacekeeper was never a good idea, any facial expression that implied dissent could be punished. After all, who would question the word of a Peacekeeper over some district scum, as they often liked to call you.

However, as you made your way across the market, trading some leather for food and purchasing several jugs of water and any medicine you could, you couldn’t shake the burning feeling that you were being watched, maybe even followed.

You glanced around the crowded market, trying to catch the eye of whoever might be watching you, but you couldn’t figure it out. You had convinced yourself that you had to be paranoid, that you were just working yourself up over nothing, when you finally spotted him.

He was standing several yards away from you, and despite the many people in the busy market, his cold, blue eyes were trained on you. This Peacekeeper seemed on edge, like he was hoping for a fight to break out just so he could break it apart.

You felt a shiver pass through your body, averting your eyes immediately to avoid any suspicions from falling on to you.

It had to be a coincidence, you catching him staring at you once didn’t mean anything really, but something about the look in his eyes made you feel profoundly anxious for reasons you couldn’t identify.

You spent the entire walk to your house glancing over your shoulder to make sure you weren’t being followed, and when you finally got to your house and closed the door behind you, even the safe walls of your home couldn’t calm your nerves for hours.

The second time that you took notice of Coriolanus Snow was a week after the incident in the market, but this time he got much closer to you.

You had been on a nighttime walk in the woods, trying to clear your head after the stressful shift you had just worked at the bar.

Your boss had yelled at your several times, threatening to cut your already measly pay if you messed up another order, but it wasn’t your fault that all the men who came into the bar harassed you so much that you could hardly remember if a certain order of beers went to the table where the red-faced pigs called you a whore or to the table of rowdy men that kept smacking your ass every time you walked by.

Unfortunately, you couldn’t quit. You and your family were barely surviving as it was, your mother too ill to work and your brother was too young.

You were so consumed in thought that you didn’t hear the rustling of the branches nearby.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to be out here this late, young lady.”

You spun around, fear shooting through your body when you came face to face with a familiar pair of blue eyes.

The peacekeeper towered over you, and your heart skipped a beat when he took a step closer. His helmet was gone now, allowing you a glimpse at his blond buzz cut.

“Don’t you know there’s a curfew right now? You could get into serious trouble if I reported you to my superiors.” The man’s voice was low and threatening, his eyes sharp and determined.

“I’m sorry,” you replied quietly, trying to make yourself sound as non-argumentative as possible. Fear was pulsing through your veins. You had heard about the kind of things Peacekeepers would do to the districters that pissed them off, and you were terrified of something bad happening to you when you knew no one else could take care of your family.

“I just wanted to take a walk. I’m not doing anything wrong.”

He took a step closer and your fear rooted you in place. Coriolanus studied you for a moment, his lips twitching into a scowl.

“What’s your name?”

“Y/N Y/L/N, sir.” Your heart was hammering in your chest. “Am I in trouble?”

“Depends, Y/N. Turn around and put your hands on that tree.”

“What?” Your eyes widened before nervously glancing around. You were still a 10 minute walk from the town, and 15 from your house. An area this remote was not one anyone would be visiting for hours. There was no one else around this late at night, and the cool breeze now gave you chills.

“Did I stutter?” He took another step towards you, crowding your space, and you backed away from him in fear. You didn’t miss the way that his hand came to rest on the pistol at his hip. “I said, turn around and lean against that tree, I need to search you for counterfeit goods.”

You had been searched by Peacekeepers before, but this was different. Before, it had always occurred in the market or the main square, but now you found yourself all alone in the dark, completely at the mercy of this stranger who held absolute power and authority above you.

You took a breath to calm yourself, trying to tell yourself that you were fine. That he was just going to search you and then let you leave. You turned your back to him and placed your hands on the large tree in front of you.

When he moved closer to you, chest practically pressing to your back before he had begun to search you, you took in a sharp breath. Why was he so close to you? Had the Peacekeepers always conducted their searches like this?

His large hands came to your waist, patting around the fabric of your clothes, circling your waist before returning to your sides. They trailed lower, grabbing at the cloth of your skirt before passing over your hips. His hands ghosted over your ass for just a moment before moving to your legs. It was so quick you weren’t even sure if it had actually happened or if you imagined it.

When he was satisfied with checking your lower body, his hands returned to your waist, climbing up the sides of your ribcage.

You yelped in surprise when you felt his large hands cover your chest, roughly squeezing your tits as he held his body close to you. This time, you felt no doubt at all about whether he knew he was doing. You couldn’t move, terrified of what he might do if you tried to break away from him.

You skin crawled when his lips pressed to your neck, smooth voice whispering into your ear, “just need to be thorough.”

He inhaled deeply through his nose, giving your breasts one final pinch before pushing you against the tree and stepping back.

You spun around to look at him, back pressed to the rough bark and eyes fearful.

He looked amused as he stared down his nose at you and you were both quiet for a few moments before he spoke again.

“Don’t let me catch you breaking curfew again, Miss Y/L/N.” His voice was cold and hard. “Now get out of here before I change my mind and decide to write you up.”

You shuddered at what it might mean if he caught you again, but you didn’t have time to think about it, because when he stepped aside to let you past him, you ran the entire way home, bolting all of the doors when you got there.

You came to learn through passing that his name was Coriolanus Snow. Several of your friends had experienced run ins with him before, but nothing like what had happened to you.

After the night that he searched you in the woods, you started to notice him everywhere. He must have figured out your daily and weekly schedule, because even though you had started to try avoiding him, he was always at the market when you went shopping and you found that he had been stationed outside of the bar you worked at every night you were on the schedule.

You grew to expect the feeling of his eyes following you everywhere, although that didn’t mean it unnerved you any less.

One night, completely exhausted from your shift, you exited the bar in a hurry, forgetting to do your usual sweep to scan for Coriolanus lurking around.

Wanting to take the shortest route possible, you opted to head through the dimly lit alleyway behind the bar.

“Get any good tips tonight, Y/N?” The voice from behind washed over you like a bucket of cold water.

You turned to see Coriolanus leering above you, blocking the way you had came, a triumphant smirk plastered on his face. The sounds of the bar were muffled but still loud and raucous, although the only thing you could hear was your heart beating quickly in your chest.

You cleared your throat, trying to hide the shakiness in your voice, “No, not really.”

“Mm, tough night?” He asked, voice lighter now, but it didn’t do anything to make you feel better.

“Every night is here,” you responded, nodding your head to the bar behind you.

“I bet,” the taller man answered, inching closer to you as he did. “Why don’t you pull out your wallet, sweetheart?” Although it was phrased more like a statement than a question.

“My wallet?” You repeated nervously, reaching for your purse slowly.

He grinned as he snatched the bag from your hands and started to rifle through it. “I mean, you said you didn’t make any good tips tonight, so I figured you wouldn’t miss ‘em.”

“But I need that money!” You huffed with frustration. “My Ma’s sick! She needs medicine all the time.”

Coriolanus chucked darkly, starting to grow annoyed, “You think I give a fuck about whether your Ma lives or dies?” He grabbed the handful of cash that you had been saving up for weeks and stuffed it into his pocket.

“Hmm, seems like a lot of money, Y/N. I wonder how a simple waitress could have made so much?”

“That’s my money I’ve been saving! I told you, it’s for my Ma, I’m just trying to get her better treatments, please!” You pleaded with him, tears beginning to form at your waterline.

He just shook his head, tsk-ing like he was disappointed in you. “First you broke curfew, and now this, Y/N? You’re lucky I’m feeling generous tonight. I’m taking this money and letting you off with another warning. Unless of course, you wanna give me a reason to search you again.”

Coriolanus towered above you, drinking you in with amused eyes and enjoying the frustration written all over your face, “How does that sound?”

You bit your tongue, rage boiling inside you, “fine,” you answered through gritted teeth.

He threw your now empty purse at you, before moving to let you pass. As you walked by him, however, his hand shot out to roughly slap your ass, and you could still hear his chuckles echoing off the walls as you ran out of the alley with tear stained eyes.

Two days after that incident, you returned home from a double shift at the bar to madness. You needed to make up for the money that Coriolanus had taken from you somehow, and now you were working yourself to the bone to try to cover for the unexpected loss.

You were shocked to find the place swarming with Peacekeepers who were tearing your home apart. You entered slowly, not wanting any trouble from them, but needing to check on your ma and little brother.

“What’s going on?” You demanded of one of the Peacekeepers, but you got no answers.

Well, not until an all too familiar face emerged from your room with something clutched in his hand. His piercing blue eyes found you immediately, but his face remained hardened. Your mouth dropped in surprise when you realized what he was holding.

“This room is clear,” he announced loudly, not breaking his eye contact as you watched him stuff a pair of your panties into his pocket.

A horrible chill passed through your body and you felt like you could be sick. Why of all people was he choosing to target you? What had you ever done to him to warrant any of this?

Your brother began to cry when they entered his room, and you hugged him tight, brushing your fingers through his hair and quietly singing a lullaby to calm him. You nervously glanced at your mother, who was seated in the kitchen with you.

“Y/N Y/L/N?”

Your head snapped to Coriolanus, who gestured for you to come over to him. You pressed a kiss to your brother’s head before standing and crossing over to him, making sure you kept your distance.

“What do you want, Coriolanus?” You hissed quietly, trying not to draw the attention of the other Peacekeepers.

“Got some reports of possible rebel activity taking place here. We have to check out any tips we get.” His cool response made you want to scream. You knew that he was lying through his teeth, the only people who even came to your home were you, your brother, and your Ma.

“You and I both know that’s not true!” You hopelessly pleaded with him. “Please, can’t you leave my family alone? It’s hard enough for them as is.”

He chuckled at your desperation, clearly pleased with the panicked response he was receiving, before barking at the men in your brother’s room to get out.

When he pushed you into the doorway of your brother’s room, your ma and brother cried out in protest, but Coriolanus yelled at them to shut the fuck up before he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.

“Maybe you didn’t learn your lesson the first two times. And since the other Peacekeepers haven’t gotten the chance, I think I should search you myself.” He pushed you up against the wall that you were facing, roughly pressing your cheek to it while the hand at the back of your neck clenched down.

This time he didn’t even pretend to properly search you, the hand at your neck immediately clamping over your mouth to muffle your protests, while the other groped your chest, plucking at your tits while you struggled in his grasp. He slid his hand under your shirt and bra this time, sighing into your ear when he finally squeezed the soft, tender skin of your breast.

“You’re so beautiful, y’know that, Y/N?” He whispered, and you wanted to be sick at the feeling of his fingers tweaking your hardening nipple. “With a little make up and some better clothes, you’d fit right in with the rich capital girls.”

A tear escaped, trailing down your cheek and you blinked more away. You felt impossibly trapped, frozen in fear and trembling in his arms. His hands came to your hips, pulling you closer and holding you to him as he rubbed his hard on against your ass.

His lips were close to your ear, “if you want to protect your family, you need to stop trying to avoid me.”

“Fuck you,” you whispered, against your better judgment.

At this he chuckled, and one of his hands left your hips, grabbing onto your chin, forcing your head to the side and holding you still as his lips smothered yours with a rough kiss.

And then he backed off, walking out of the room before he called off the other men.

You were still in shock as you caught your breath, staring at the space he was just occupying as you tried to collect your head.

Lips still burning from his kiss, you shuddered as you thought about what you might need to do to keep your ma and brother safe from him.

After they had all filed out and you took a moment to adjust your clothes, you finally left your brother’s room and took in the wreckage they had left behind. The house was trashed, furniture knocked over and papers scattered about everywhere.

Your room was the worst of all though, everything had been pulled out of the drawers and piled on the floor, your mattress was up against the wall, your desk had been toppled over, leaving anything on top of it to scatter across your room, and they had shattered your mirror, leaving a jagged piece reflecting your misery back at you as you stood in the door.

Your ma was a mess, crying and hugging you and your brother for an hour afterwards, repeatedly questioning out loud why they would do this to your family.

Unfortunately, the answer was all too plain to you now, although you were still too freighted to fully admit it to yourself.

For whatever reason, Coriolanus Snow had decided to stake his claim on you, and based on your previous interactions with him, you knew that it was only a matter of time before he would take what he wanted.

For a week, you were terrified to leave your house alone, always calling on your friends to ask them to walk with you too and from work or the market.

In those days, Coriolanus’ presence always weighed heavy on you, no matter how hard you tried to ignore it. Even having your friends nearby couldn’t stave off the fear that clutched your heart when you noticed Coriolanus stalking behind your group, always a good deal of distance away, but you knew that he made himself visible to you on purpose.

The feeling of safety became something of the past. Everywhere that you went, he was there, although he hadn’t spoken to you since he and his other Peacekeeping brutes tore your home apart. But that didn’t make him any less terrifying.

Even your house, which had felt secure and safe for so long was no longer sacred. It had taken days to clean up the place, and much of your furniture had been broken in the frenzy.

After Coriolanus had assaulted you in your home, you bartered with some friends to acquire a large lock to place on the front door of the house, but it still didn’t provide much protection when the peacekeepers could just break the door down.

Unfortunately for you, having that lock also didn’t do you any good if you forgot to use it.

After waving goodbye to your friend as you walked up to your door after a late night shift, you pulled out your key and turned the lock, leaving it hanging on the door and closing it behind you.

The first thing that you noticed when you stepped inside was how unusually quiet it was. Usually your brother would be at the door to greet you, even at this late hour, but he wasn’t there this time, and when you called out for your ma and brother, you only heard silence in response. Where were they?

Alarm bells started ringing in your head as you ventured further, and you had just stepped into the doorway of your room when you heard a heavy click and felt cold steel press against the back of your head.

You froze in place, staring ahead into the broken mirror across from you that confirmed who was behind the trigger.

Your eyes locked in the mirror, the cold resolve set in his icy blue gaze made you shudder.

“Didn’t I tell you to stop trying to stay away from me, Y/N?” He was angry, a lethal poison infecting his voice.

You couldn’t speak, your mouth was dry, and your mind was racing a million miles a second, but you needed to know that your family was safe.

“Did you hurt them?” You whispered.

“Not yet. Your Ma and brother will be fine. As long as you do what I say.”

You let out a shaky breath at the confirmation that they were safe, but your stomach still turned at his words. You were terrified of Coriolanus, and now that he had you completely at his mercy, you knew that he wouldn’t let you go until he took exactly what he wanted from you.

“You understand, yes?” The gun pressed to your skull harder and you quickly nodded.

“Yes.”

“Get on your knees, slowly.” You felt him move the pistol away from your head for a moment, and you turned around, meeting his eyes fearfully before lowering yourself to kneel before him.

Coriolanus unbuttoned his blue shirt, dropping it on the floor behind him. He looked at you expectantly and you realized he wanted you to unbuckle his belt. Your trembling fingers fumbled with the belt before reaching forward to unbutton his pants and slide down the zipper. He pushed his pants down his legs before removing his boxers as well.

He smirked down at you as you took in the size of him.

“Such a pretty girl,” you flinched when you felt one hand twist into your hair while the other brought the pistol to your temple. “But I think you’d look better with your lips wrapped around my cock.”

The hand in your hair tightened, pulling at your scalp and dragging your head forward.

Reluctantly, you lifted your hand to wrap around the base of his thick cock, nervously wetting your lips before parting them and taking the tip into your mouth.

Coriolanus pushed himself deeper, nudging the back of your throat and groaning lowly when your eyes flitted up to meet his.

You pressed your tongue flat to the bottom of your mouth, trying to make more room for him as he sped up his pace.

You closed you eyes, bringing every thought to controlling your breath as he pushed his cock to the back of your throat, in and out between your lips. The cooling metal of the gun barrel was still taut against your skin, trembling slightly as Coriolanus gritted his teeth above you.

"Look at that, you're relaxing for me, good girl." But where did your pretty eyes go? That wouldn't do, he needed all of your attention. The nails of his fingers dug into your scalp, and tears sprung into your eyes. Your muffled yelp reached his ears.

"You'll keep," a groan interrupted him as your hand tightened around his cock, "your eyes open, and on me.”

“Do....you...understand?" Each word was punctuated by a harsh thrust into your throat, pushing past your tongue and slamming against the back of your neck.

You pathetically hummed around his cock in agreement, nervously keeping your eyes on his, not wanting to give him any reasons to hurt you.

By the time he was coming down your throat, your lips were puffy from his brutal pace, and your tears made your cheeks slick and shiny. You gagged at the sensation, throat closing around his length as he spilled his seed down your throat. He held your head in place, choking you with his cock until you had swallowed every drop of his salty cum.

Coriolanus’ grip on the gun had tightened as he came and you fearfully glanced at it before meeting his eyes again.

When he pulled his cock out of your mouth, he was quick to drag you to your feet before tossing you stomach first onto the bed behind you.

Coryo finally holstered his gun, turning back to you and easily pushing you against the bed as he bunched your skirt up at your waist. He let out a low whistle as he admired your ass, reaching out a hand to grope you before giving the soft flesh a sharp smack, earning him a whine from you. You could feel your hips digging into the hard mattress that you had had for your whole life.

You struggled in his arms, but when his hand found it’s home around your throat and you felt his cockhead start sliding past your lips, you realized there was nothing you could do to avoid what was coming.

Coriolanus pushed all of himself into you in one slow, punishing thrust. You didn’t have any time at all to adjust to his thick length before he was gripping your ass tightly, canting his hips back and thrusting into you again.

Your gasps and cries were muffled by his large hand at your throat. The way he tightened his grip combined with the feeling of him stretching you out had you seeing stars.

His pace was brutal. Coriolanus had been imagining this for weeks, and after you kept yourself away from him the past few days, he wanted to make the most of the first time he fucked you.

Each time you tried to escape from under him, his large arms wrapped around you again, holding you in place as he snapped his hips against your ass, burying himself deep inside you with every thrust.

“Keep trying to get away sweetheart,” his hot breath fanned over your neck, and the blond drew closer to suck at a tender spot until you whined and melted back into his arms. “I like watching you struggle.”

Your stomach turned and you tried to ignore how weak your knees felt at the peacekeeper’s whispered threats in your ear.

Coriolanus pulled out of you, not giving you time to process his actions before he was flipping you onto your back.

Adrenaline coursed through your veins and you tried to break away from the terrifying man above you while you had the chance, but you were too slow.

The blond captured you again, throwing you onto the bed and straddling you as you thrashed against him. When Coriolanus reached his hand out again to choke you, you could feel your heart beating against his hand.

You flinched when he drew close to you, his nose practically touching yours as he forced you to look at his eyes.

When he pushed into you again, stretching you out from a new angle, you whimpered, trying hard not to let your lashes flutter closed.

Coriolanus reveled at the sight of your sweet, tear filled eyes meeting his as he split you open with his cock. The way that you trembled beneath him gave him a thrilling sense of control over you. He knew that you already would let him do whatever he wanted, but for some twisted reason he wished he had held onto his gun so he could press it to your temple as he fucked you and see the fear in your eyes.

Your cunt was pulling him in, squeezing and twitching around his length with every thrust. He could feel you getting wetter around him with every brush against your walls.

“You’re so tight, so wet,” he strained, getting distracted by the sounds of your cunt squelching with every move he made. “I need to fill up that pretty pussy, Y/N.”

At the sight of your eyes widening and your lips parting in protest, Coriolanus clamped his hand over your mouth before fucking you faster, groaning and cursing under his breath.

“Someone needed to- fuck,“ Coriolanus’ voice caught in his throat when he felt you clench around him, “someone needed to teach you a lesson about respecting authority. You should feel lucky that I was willing to.”

Begging and sobbing against his hand only spurred him on and he laughed at every pathetic attempt you made to push him off.

Coriolanus’ hand crept from your mouth to frame your jaw and he roughly squeezed your cheeks until you opened your mouth. The blond spat into your mouth and you gagged, your repulsion making your skin crawl. You wanted to throw up at the feeling of his spit sliding down your throat when you swallowed it, and Coriolanus chuckled at your disgust as he leered over you.

“You’re just a filthy district slut,” his hand returned to your throat, choking you harder than he had before, “and that’s all you’ll ever be, Y/N.” The venom and hatred in his voice shocked you, and the way he was thrusting into you was downright punishing.

You were clenching around him so tight, and the sight of your sweet, innocent face marred with so much fear was enough to send Coriolanus over the edge.

He slowed, groaning as he pumped you full of his seed, his cock still twitching inside of you.

After he pulled out and moved off of you, you tried to turn away from him, but his hand shot out and latched onto your wrist, twisting your arm painfully before forcing you to face him and firmly kissing you.

When he pulled away, the words that he uttered sent a chill over your skin, “Snow lands on top.”

The next few days were a blur as you blinked in and out of dissociation. Coriolanus had his way with you more times than you could count, never caring about your distress at him using your body however he pleased.

Any resistance you put up was easily squashed when he snapped back threats to hurt your family. However if he was in a really bad mood, he would brandish his pistol, pressing the sharp metal to your forehead until you sobbed, and apologized for fighting back.

You weren’t even sure how many days had passed since you first discovered that Coriolanus had your ma and brother thrown in jail.

Every time Coriolanus sank into you, you could feel yourself receding into your mind, trying to protect yourself from the nightmare you found yourself in.

During the days, he would go out to terrorize the people of district 12, and during the nights, he would return to terrorize you.

One night you lay in your bed, praying that your ma and brother were safe. You could only imagine the horrible things they could be being subjected to at the hands of the peacekeepers.

Your neck was sore and bruised, as were your wrists. Your entire body was aching with pain from Coriolanus’ repeated abuse.

When you heard the front door swing open, you tensed instinctively, closing in on yourself in anxiety. Hushed voices reached your ears and you craned your neck to try to hear better. They seemed to be in the midst of a conversation.

“I mean, don’t you think that maybe what you’re doing here is wrong?”

“Sejanus, if anything, you’d be helping the poor girl, we’ll give her food for every load she takes.” Your stomach turned at the disgusting way Coriolanus was talking about you, and the way his friend laughed along with him.

“And you’re sure she’s not going to try to tell somebody?”

“Nobody would believe her over a Peacekeeper, and besides, who will there be to tell? I have dirt on every officer in 12, if they tried to do anything to put a stop to this, they’d be taking themself down as well.”

The men were both silent as Coriolanus’ words sunk in.

“You promise you’ll actually help her out afterwards?” His friend, Sejanus apparently, sounded somewhat concerned, but clearly not concerned enough to report Coriolanus. “And she’s gonna get something in return?”

“Yeah, I’ll make sure her brother gets some candy or something,” Coriolanus chuckled and you heard the other man laughing too.

“Is she in there right now?” Those words had you sitting up in bed, fear clutching your heart. Coriolanus wasn’t seriously discussing pimping you out to his friends, was he?

You got your answer immediately however, when your door opened and you came face to face with a man you recognized as another peacekeeper. He seemed anxious, but after he noticed your state of undress, he advanced on you with the same sick desire you had seen in Coriolanus’ eyes several times now.

Your throat was dry and anxiety laced your words as you pleaded with him, “Wait, please don’t!”

“Shut up,” he growled, leering over you as you sat on the bed.

You tried to put up a fight, but it was all in vain. You really should have known you couldn’t take on a peacekeeper. Despite your attempt to run past him and reach the door, he easily grabbed you and shoved you back onto the bed. His hands pawed at your undergarments, throwing them behind him without a second thought before he removed his pants and stroked his hard cock.

When he forcefully pushed himself into your sore pussy, you cried out, tears pricking at your eyes and spilling over when he began to rock back and forth.

Sejanus was different than his friend in several ways. While Coriolanus had been rough and kept a fast pace, you found that Sejanus preferred to take his time, slowly pushing his cock into you as you trembled in his grasp. After the initial struggle, he was surprisingly tender and gentle, caressing your soft skin, pressing kisses to your breasts, and sucking on your sensitive nipples.

Unlike the blond, Sejanus seemed almost unwilling to meet your eyes, and when you protested or put up any resistance, instead of reveling in the fight, Sejanus just covered your mouth with his large palm so your yelps couldn’t reach his ears.

“I’m doing this for you, Y/N.” He whispered against your skin when he drew close, tilting his hips back so he almost slid all the way out before slowly filling you up again all the way to the hilt.

His words only made you feel worse. You didn’t want any of this, and when you grabbed his hand off of your mouth and told him as much, his eyes darkened in anger.

You whimpered when his hand came to your throat, squeezing harshly against the faded bruises.

“I’m not a bad guy, okay?” It was hard to discern if he was trying to convince you or himself, and after he slapped you for not agreeing with him, you nodded and tearfully responded.

“You’re not.”

“I’m not,” his hot breath fanned over your dewy skin as he repeated himself on a loop, thrusting his cock into your tight cunt again and again. “I’m not. I’m not.”

You whined when his hand came between your legs, swirling around your clit and stealing unwanted gasps from you.

Every drag of his thick cock against your snug walls mixed with his twitching fingers at your clit brought you closer to the brink or orgasm.

Tears fell past your eyes which were squeezed shut, and you whimpered as you came around him and he fucked you harder, fingers never leaving your clit.

When you came again, Sejanus kissed you for the first time, desperation and hunger evident in the way his tongue pushed its way into your mouth, swallowing your moans as his lips slid over yours. You felt disgusted, but also couldn’t ignore the confusing way you clenched around him when his lips first found yours.

Your third orgasm was close behind the second, tearing through you with force and Sejanus grunted at the feeling of your slick cunt choking his cock, fucking you faster and chasing his own release.

He cursed loudly when he came, shuddering as he slowly snapped his hips against yours to fuck his cum deeper inside of you.

Sejanus kissed you again before pulling out, quietly apologizing without meeting your eyes and then he was gone, leaving you exhausted and sore in a bed you no longer felt safe in.

As you lay there, trying to ground yourself and comprehend what you had just gone through, you couldn’t help but think of your mother and brother, who were being held in prison just because of the twisted infatuation Coriolanus had with you.

How different would your life be now if he had never approached you that late night several weeks ago?

And what was your life going to look like now that he had claimed his stake on you and was planning to let his Peacekeeper friends “share” you and take advantage of you whenever they pleased?

Hours had passed as you tried to think of any way out of the bottomless pit that you now found yourself in. Tears had subsided a while ago, but now you were just left with emptiness. You were still lost in thought when the door opened and Coriolanus’ large frame cast a shadow across your bed.

The grin he shot you after he took in your distressed state was smug, triumphant even, and the glint in his eyes told you exactly why he was entering your room at the early hours of the morning.

Tonight, you didn’t put up any fight at all.

#peacekeeper coriolanus snow #coriolanus snow #dark!coriolanus snow #coriolanus snow noncon #dark!sejanus plinth #sejanus plinth #coriolanus snow x reader #sejanus plinth x reader #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #hunger games tbosas #tbosas #coriolanus snow smut #dark coriolanus snow #keeping the peace #ktp

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thecharacterchronicler · 4 months

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District Girl (Part 3) || (Peacekeeper) Coriolanus Snow x Reader || Smut

Outline: Coriolanus meets you again and, as a bad thunderstorm approaches, you invite him to take shelter in your cabin…

Word count: 3’686

Warnings: obsessive and possessive behavior, power imbalance, virgin female (implied) and rough explicit sex.

Author’s note: I tried to fulfill a request I received while sticking to the original idea I had for this part 3, so I hope whoever (anon) asked for it will be okay with this one being a bit rough. I promise I’ll try to write a much sweeter, more romantic, one shot of the reader losing her virginity to Coriolanus for you soon. Thanks for inspiring me with your request! 🖤 (Though I’m not sure I’ll know how to write sweet and romantic Coryo…)

((Part 1 )) - ((Part 2 ))

It had been cloudy since morning, causing the humidity in the air to rise above what Coriolanus usually deemed acceptable. It was still warm, even without a trace of sunshine, hidden behind menacing black clouds. Far in the distance, he could hear the distinctive roar of a thunderstorm approaching from the mountains, electricity almost palpable in the air.

Coriolanus didn’t enjoy sunny days either, mostly because he couldn’t get used to the uncomfortable climate of District 12, but standing between broken shacks, on a dirt road that would probably flood and turn into mud as soon as rain would start falling was a whole new kind of hell to him.

Hopefully, the party he was supposed to keep in check would end soon. It had barely started, with the two newlyweds couples returning from the justice building, gathering with their guests in a narrow space of grass between two cabins. Music was playing, but he didn’t like how wrong it sounded in his ears. People were joyfully chatting, trying to ignore the presence of peacekeepers nearby, watching them in search of an excuse to break out this gathering before it could turn sour because it somehow always turned sour in district 12… But maybe it would be the approaching storm that would put an end to the festivities first, allowing Coriolanus to go back to the barracks and have the rest of the afternoon to rest.

Standing tall, stoic, with a hand on his weapon, he watched the party unfold as some kids ran off to gather branches and burnt grass. He didn’t know the traditions for a wedding in this district but it sure seemed kind of pathetic to him. If it was his wedding, he would have made sure that it was a special day, he would have worn his best outfit and he would have made sure that his guests did too… Unlike most of the ones present today, still in their mining clothes and covered in dust. He also would have made sure that he had a proper venue where to celebrate his wedding, not a small patch of burnt grass near a row of sad cabins. And surely, he would have made sure that no storm was threatening to ruin it all.

“Hurry up or we won’t have enough time to get the fire going for the toasting.” You instructed a group of kids, as they placed a few fragile branches in your hands before running off again. You looked worried, your eyes on the black clouds in the horizon.

Coriolanus’ entire body reacted to your voice, briefly breaking his steady posture. He gazed at you, an irrepressible smirk appearing on his lips at the sight. You looked lovely. Even better than usual. Of course, you - out of all the other people - had had enough respect for the newlyweds to show up to their party wearing a nice and clean dress. The color brought out your eyes, making it all he could see for a moment. Until he lowered his gaze to your silhouette, noticing how it hugged and highlighted your lines and curves in the best way possible. It was as if the dress had been tailored for your body. Flawless.

Even if he wasn’t invited to the party and was instructed to keep his distances unless anything important occurred, he was happy to see you. He could watch you from where he kept guard, admire your beauty and make sure he memorized the contours of your body in that dress to entertain him later, when he’ll be alone in the showers. It wasn’t so bad after all.

The kids brought back another batch of branches to you and you placed them in a pile on the ground, taking a step back as a couple leaned down to light them on fire. All the guests applauded when red flames appeared, you included, as if lighting a fire was some kind of victory… Maybe it was after all, in such a humid climate.

A second couple did the same thing, starting a smaller fire next to the one slowly gaining strength and it pleased the guests just as much. Coriolanus held his breath when he saw you step up again, expecting you to follow suit on the odd tradition with a man that wouldn’t be him. You were dressed so nicely, your hair so beautifully arranged, that it finally occurred to him that it could be your wedding too.

No, he wouldn’t allow it. You were his. You had tasted him and he had tasted you, you knew each other intimately, you couldn’t belong to another man. Not anymore. Not when you could have him.

Instead of lighting a third fire, you handed both brides a loaf of bread and they proceeded to impale it on a branch, the grooms held it above the dancing flame and everyone watched as the bread slowly cooked. In the Capitol, cakes and desserts were served at weddings not… Toasts ?

He shook off his grimace of disgust. He wasn’t sure if it was because he kept being surprised by everyone’s lack of dignity in this district or if he was still slightly unsettled by the idea of you, marrying someone else.

A louder bang resounded through the street, bringing everyone’s attention to the mountains from which menacing clouds were quickly approaching. It was brief, everyone preffering to focus their attention back on the darkening bread held above the fire rather than on the weather, except for you. Coriolanus locked eyes with you, his heart strangely racing in his chest. He wanted you to notice him, but the possibility you might ignore him again, like you had a few days ago at the Hob, made him uneasy. He had showed you how good he could be to you. How lucky you should feel that you had somehow managed to catch his interest. But maybe you would provoke him again, just so that he could show you who you belong to once more.

A few very explicit images bloomed in his mind, he could be pretty creative when thinking about all the ways he could mark you as his. And as usual, it made him hard and desperate for attention.

But it seemed you weren’t going to need a reminder of his claim on you after all. You had stepped away from the party and were now walking in his direction, your pretty dress caressing the dirt road in the wake of your steps. He couldn’t help but smile at the way you grinned at him, as if you were happy to see him too.

“Are you keeping an eye on me, Coriolanus Snow ?” You asked him, playfully, stopping in front of him just slightly closer than what he would have expected.

His whole body buzzed at the sound of his name coming out of your lips. He had never told you so it must mean you had asked around about him. Maybe you had been obsessing over him as much as he obsessed over you, trying to find out who he was and how you could keep being the object of his desires.

“Always since I know how good you are at sneaking around.” He replied, with a grin. He didn’t know your name, but he would eventually. He simply couldn’t ask anyone about you, not when it might bring negative attention on him from his superiors. And what about his colleagues ? They might think that you’re an easy girl, or at least one who isn’t bothered by the peacekeepers’ uniforms and try to flirt with you - very much like Junius had - if they knew. It was better if he kept it that way for now, you’d be his little secret. “You look lovely in that dress.”

“Thank you.” You replied, seemingly a bit surprised by such a compliment. “My friends got married today.”

He nodded. That much he had gathered, even though wedding celebrations definitely looked nothing like the ones he had seen in The Capitol. He glanced to the sad party, where one couple was now eating their toasted piece of bread while others looked at them with emotion in their eyes. You followed his gaze back to where you came from.

“I’m sorry, I can’t invite you it wouldn’t be…” You started, but stopped yourself as he shook his head.

“It wouldn’t be appropriate, of course.” He finished for you, with a smile meant to reassure you that he had absolutely no desire to be invited to such events anyway.

A moment of silence went by, a bit awkwardly. He couldn’t force you on your knees and get you to suck him off right there, in front of everyone, even though there wasn’t anything he wanted more at this very moment and you couldn’t bring a peacekeeper back to the party with you, so you were both frozen with indecision, unsure of what else to do when you couldn’t put your hands - and mouths - on each other.

Despite daylight, an orange lightning illuminated the sky, fracturing the black clouds over your heads. A few seconds later, a loud bang resonated against the wooden walls of the nearby cabins, making the road under your feet tremble. Rain instantly poured down from the clouds, cold drops of water mixed with icy hail, piercing through the leaves of the trees and bouncing off of the roofs and ground.

Coriolanus left out a curse as the wedding party he was meant to keep in check dissolved, people hurrying in different directions to take shelter from the hail. If anything happened now, it would be his fault because he wouldn’t be able to tell if everyone went back to their cabins or if anything illegal took place afterwards…

You pulled him out of his thoughts by taking his hand in yours and guiding him to the nearest shack on the road, just as another lightning hit the ground, a lot closer than where the previous one did. You opened the door and pushed the peacekeeper in, closing it just as the roaring thunder reverberated through the street.

Coriolanus took in the modest house he was standing in, the few pieces of furniture and the broken window above the kitchen sink. It was about the size of his dormitory, but contained everything a house should, there even was a bed in the far corner of the room.

“You can stay here until the storm passes… If you want.” You suggested, the confidence you had been able to display during your previous encounters with him suddenly gone. Maybe because you felt awfully more vulnerable having him standing in your home rather than in a more public place. “Your clothes are wet, maybe I could hang them to dry ?”

A smirk appeared on his lips at your words and you smiled back at him, slightly blushing. He fixed his pale blue eyes on you as he slowly began unbuttoning his vest, you followed the movement of his fingers with eager eyes. He remembered how it felt when it wasn’t his buttons he was so deftly working on but you, pumping his finger deep inside the warmth his cock was so desperate to be buried in too.

He removed his vest, carefully placed his gun on the kitchen table and took off his shirt, revealing his chiseled chest and broad shoulders. He saw the way your eyes widened at the sight and liked how you couldn’t help but stare at his muscles, gaze lowering at the same speed your cheeks were gaining colors.

He opened his pants, lowered his underwear and left his erection proudly stand up from the fabric. He was hard for you, so hard it was almost unbearable, and you had barely done anything yet, apart from wearing a dress that hugged your silhouette and smile at him. It was kind of pathetic, how he probably could have come undone simply from closing his eyes and imagining his cum shooting out of his spent cock inside of you… Either buried deep in your wet pussy, either lodged down your throat while you gagged on his length, or even painting your face and chest with his cum again, the lovely sight it had been the first time still burned in his memory.

There were so many ways he wanted you. If he could have it his way, he’d probably lock you up in his dorm so that he could come back to you and fuck you mercilessly every time he felt the need to. Having you at his disposal would be such a relief for his cock - and hand. Maybe he’d finally manage to get you out of his mind if he could indulge in every fantasy he had about you, act out every scenario, test out everything he thought of, until he no longer had anything to think about to bring his cock to life at the most inconvenient times.

Although you seemed a bit more reserved this time, you still had the courage to reach behind your back to unzip your pretty dress, the fabric instantly falling and pooling around your feet.

Coriolanus’ blood changed course and flew to his already stretched cock, making it even harder and twitching with impatience. What a perfect sight you were, standing in front of him in nothing but your underwear. It wasn’t a fancy set of lingerie like the girls from The Capitol usually wore but maybe it was because you weren’t a girl from The Capitol that he was so obsessed with you. You were a district girl, and he had never seen a body more beautiful than yours, even in plain underwear that didn’t even match. It was as if he had designed you himself, the shape of you perfectly tailored to his preferences, with curves and dips that drove him crazy and plump, soft, skin that haunted his sleepless nights. It left him unable to decide between his desires to ravage you or worship you.

He stepped forward and carefully pulled the straps of your bra down your shoulders. He unclasped the hooks in your back, a bit less assured than he wanted you to believe he was and, once he was able to pull your bra off, he took a step back to admire your bare chest. Perfect.

He pressed a hand to your tender flesh, excitement buzzing in his veins when he felt the soft malleability of your breast. His hands weren’t calloused like the ones of the miners you probably knew, they were soft and delicate, a clear sign of his luckier upbringing.

He leaned down to place a kiss against your neck, just so he could press his body against yours, feel your heat, the warmth of your skin radiating against his. It was the most intimate he had ever been, with you and with anyone else. He couldn’t say he disliked how it felt, but it was also terrifying. He couldn’t let himself be too vulnerable with you, not when it risked leading to feelings he really didn’t want to have for a district girl like you. He already barely could manage how badly he wanted you, how much he thought about you, day and night… What if he fell in love now ? Surely, it would ruin his life.

No, there wouldn’t be any feelings, not on his side and not on yours either. It was just sex. Really good sex. But just that.

He didn’t have to be soft with you so that you’d like him, he could just take what he needed and give you what you wanted too and call it quits. Yeah, it was a good plan. Flawless even.

He pulled your panties down with a rough motion, taking you by surprise. You barely had time to kick the crumpled fabric off of your feet when he reached for the back of your knees, lifting you up into his arms with your legs closing around his hips for support.

He took a few steps until your back was pressed against the wall. Your face was so close to his, your wet lips making it so hard for him to resist kissing them with all the depth of his passion for you.

No feelings. He reminded himself.

He pushed his hips forward, his hard cock easily gliding through your arousal. You were so ready for him. Just like you had been the other day. And this time he wasn’t going to deny himself the pleasure of being inside you. He pressed himself all the way up to your entrance, finding an unexpected resistance on the way. He heard your breath catch in your throat as he attempted to pass it, noticing the grimace on your face but since you didn’t ask him to stop, he kept trying to dive into the surprising tightness of your pussy.

He felt your hands clasping his shoulders for stability, your body writhing with discomfort at the invasion. He knew he was fairly big - bigger than the fingers he had put inside you at least - but he didn’t expect you to be so incredibly tight around him. The pressure of your walls clenching on him almost making him dizzy with the intensity of the pleasure it built in his abdomen.

Then, without a warning, you suddenly relaxed and your pussy seemed to swallow him whole, finally allowing him to fully bury himself inside of your wetness. He cursed at the sensation and you quietly cried out when he hit the deepest point possible.

You still felt tight, but you were finally giving him permission to move. He gently rocked himself, getting his cock to slide back and forth as a way to loosen you up. He was molding you to fit him. Him, and no one else.

No feelings.

He closed his eyes. He could come just from this but he wasn’t going to be selfish. Not when he wanted you to keep wanting him as much as he did. So he focused, keeping his movements slow and wide despite how fast and rough his brain urged him to go.

Suddenly, you came, digging your nails in his shoulders and whimpering against his neck, your pussy contracting around his cock, forcing him to stop his movements inside you again and stand completely still while you moaned in bliss. He was good at this, it was his second time making you reach your climax and it gave him an unreasonable amount of pride each time he achieved this. This time especially, had merely felt like work at all, you simply couldn’t take that many slow thrusts inside you. And now your cunt was contracting around him, trying to milk cum out of him like the only thing missing from your orgasm was a load of his release inside you. But he wasn’t going to give it to you, not yet. No matter how limp your body suddenly felt in his arms and how you cried out as soon as he resumed his thrusts, he was going to fuck you until he was satisfied this time.

He adjusted his grip on your body and carried you to the bed, lying you down and immediately placing himself on top of you, putting his dick back exactly where it belonged, buried deep inside you. His hands behind both of your knees, he held your legs against his hips as he pushed himself back and forth in you, on his knees while you were lying down with your head resting on your pillow. He could feel the pleasure bubbling inside him, demanding more to finally explode and allow him some relief. He was so desperate to finish, he needed to fill you up with his seed, make sure you would be his from now on. Hell, he wanted to spill everything he could inside you until he was bone dry and then, feed you every drop that might escape from your folds so that none of his release would go to waste.

He leaned forward, the weight of his body shifting and pressing yours deeper into the mattress. The bed was creaking loudly with each of his violent thrusts, menacing to break, while your cries of agonizing pleasure escaped through the broken window, mixing with the splatter of the heavy rain outside and the low rumble of thunder.

It wasnt so much the way he drove himself in and out of you, fast and without mercy, that pushed him off of the edge but the sight of you, gasping for air like you couldn’t take him anymore, crying out his name with half of your face buried in your pillow, your pretty lips forming a perfect oval as he finally groaned and released himself inside you, making you climax once more, in unison with him this time.

He filled you up, waiting until his cock was done twitching, the very last drops of cum dripping from his tip before he took it out. He needed to catch his breath now but the way you were still shaking with pleasure in front of him, beautiful as ever and claimed by him made his heart race.

Rain and hail crashed noisily on the roof of the cabin, covering the sound of your panting breaths, lightning illuminating the darkness that had filled the room every once in a while. He knew that his friends were probably waiting for him back at the barracks, that his superiors might start wondering where he was since he wasn’t on permission yet, but he couldn’t get himself to leave. Not yet. He had been dreaming, imagining, fantasizing about this moment for too long to cut it short. The way you had felt, how your body looked without any clothes on, your face when he poured his release inside you, everything had exceeded his expectations. You were truly perfect for him. And he no longer could resist kissing your lips, making sure you’d understand how obsessed he was with you.

No feelings.

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estrellami-1 · 1 year

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If I Should Stay

Part 1 | . . . | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14

After sandwiches, Nancy turns to El. “Could you look for Barb again?”

El sets her mouth and nods. She glances at Steve, who also nods and moves to set up the living room again.

Eddie follows him in and picks up the blindfold. Steve doesn’t try to hide his smirk. “You’ve got questions, I’m guessing?”

Eddie shrugs, leans against the couch. Watches the fabric as he pulls it through his fingers. Right hand, left hand. Right, left. “Mostly thinking I was wrong about you. Even more than I initially thought.”

Steve smiles. “We never got to have this conversation in the future, but I do know what your bandana means.” He stops for a second, watches Eddie’s hands. Right, left. “I’m offering… not an olive branch, per se, but…”

“An invitation?” Right, left.

“Exactly.” He shrugs. “If there’s anything you want to know…” he trails off, lets it hang in the air.

Eddie smiles. “Just one thing.” He holds it up in his left hand. “Who d’you use it on?”

Steve grins and turns away, looking for the remote. “Myself.” His smile falls. “Or- I did. You heard about the Russians, right?”

Eddie steps up beside him. Offers him the blindfold. “Yeah. Makes sense.”

Steve shrugs. “I’d say if I could go back in time, but…” he gestures around with a grin, letting it widen when Eddie chuckles. “Turns out going back in time does nothing for the memories I already have.”

Eddie frowns. “Kinda fucked up, isn’t it? Your body reverted back to its sixteen-year-old self, but your brain is still twenty.”

“I mean, imagine me coming to school one day looking like this, and the next I come in with scars, looking half a decade older. People would talk.”

Eddie hums. “You’re probably right. Still, it can’t be easy, having those mental reminders with none of the physical.”

Steve grins at him. “Did you miss the part where I don’t have concussions?”

Eddie snorts. “Fair enough. Still, I bet the scars looked badass.”

“Very metal,” Steve agrees. “Y’know, if you’d survived? We woulda had matching scars.” He trails a hand down his side. “The bats ripped us both open. Woulda gotten me if you, Robin and Nance hadn’t gotten there when you did. You took on a bat with nothing but an oar from a rowboat.” He turns to look at Eddie. “You told me once, how you’re a coward. How you run.” He shakes his head, looks away. “You didn’t. Not when it mattered. And you won’t this time.”

“Maybe this time we’ll have matching not-scars,” Eddie says, then points at Steve. “And no concussions.”

“And no concussions,” Steve parrots, laughing. “If we have to deal with the Russians again, though? I’m definitely doing something different.”

“We,” Eddie murmurs, shrugging when Steve looks at him. “We’ll do something different. You think any of these kids are gonna leave you alone after this? You think Eleven will leave you alone?”

“I hope not,” Steve answers honestly. “And you? You’re staying?”

Eddie shrugs again. “You said I didn’t run when it mattered. Who’s to say this doesn’t matter just as much? I’m not running.”

Steve smiles softly at him. “You’re a good man, Eddie Munson.”

Eddie levels him with a look. “I sell weed, Steve.”

Steve snorts. “I’m well aware, dude, I’ve bought from you before. If all goes well, I’m planning on buying another.”

Eddie laughs. “Hell, man, if it all goes well, I’ll give it to you, free of charge.”

Steve winks. “I’ll hold you to it,” he says, then leaves Eddie to process while he goes to get El.

Of course wherever El goes, Mike’s not far behind, which means he, Dustin and Lucas follow, and of course Nancy follows, and since everyone else is already in there, Jonathan and Robin follow too, so they all end up crammed in the living room again, with bated breaths and tightly-held hands, as El settles in front of the TV and puts the blindfold on.

Finally, she speaks. “I see her. She is alive.”

Nancy slumps into the couch and lets out a breath.

Then El speaks again. “She does not have very long.”

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#stranger things #if I should stay #steve harrington #eddie munson #eventual Steddie #slow burn #time travel fic #fix it fic #sorry not sorry for the ending #Steve: you’re a good man #Eddie: I sell weed #that interaction cracks me up even though I wrote it #starambles

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mornington-the-crescent · 2 years

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The Poll

So, for those who don’t know, I put up a poll of, “Who was the worst American President?” The list was FDR, Woodrow Wilson, Lyndon Johnson, Herbert Hoover, and Richard Nixon. It got up to about 13k notes before I deleted it, because I was tired of the notes clogging up my feed. And the results were... telling.

About 75-80% of all the notes were, “Where is Reagan/Andrew Jackson?!?” Many of the rest, though, can be seen below:

What this tells me is that more than ten thousand people didn’t have an education; they had an indoctrination.

You want to hear it? All right, buckle up, because it’s time for a stroll down memory lane.

Why was FDR a bad president?

It is almost hard to know where to begin with this. Let’s start with one of the most basic ones: The belief that FDR got us out of the Depression.

Point of fact, No the fuck he did not.

Making American Depressed

If you ask almost any historian or economist, they will tell you flat-out that not only did the New Deal not end the Great Depression, but that it made it significantly longer and worse than it would have been otherwise. Hoover bears some of the blame for this, but the pseudo-socialist dogshit that was the New Deal bears the brunt of the blame for this one.

The stock market crashed in late October, 1929. Two months later, unemployment peaked at 9%. Over the next several months, unemployment started to fall, down to 5-6% by the spring of the next year. Half a year after the crash, unemployment had not hit double digits. Hoover’s intervention, though, did cause unemployment to reach double digits. Roosevelt was elected in 1932 and took office in 1933, and unemployment did not fall out of double digits for the remainder of the 1930′s. The thing that actually pulled the US out of the Depression was the second World War; turns out that removing roughly 12 million people from the labor force to go and fight does wonders for unemployment numbers. FDR even said that Doctor New Deal was replaced by Doctor Win-The-War.

This was hardly the first economic downturn in American history. For the first 150 years of this country, there were downturns all the time. And what the government did was nothing, and the economy recovered on its own. But Roosevelt represents the first massive large-scale intervention in the economy. And government intervention in the economy slows economic recovery; when you have no idea what the government is going to do tomorrow in regards to the economy, it’s hard to make smart financial decisions, so you just don’t bother. After all, why do anything if tomorrow, the rules of the game are going to change?

Separation of Powers Who?

FDR issued more executive orders than any other President of the 20th century. He may, in fact, have issued more than all the other Presidents of the 20th century combined. Rather than letting Congress, the legislative branch of government, you know, legislate, he preferred to try to do everything himself.

The President is supposed to be the weakest branch of the government, but Roosevelt did everything he could to try to establish its supremacy over the other branches. When Congress didn’t give him his way, he used executive orders. When the Supreme Court challenged some of his acts as unconstitutional, his response was to threaten to have them replaced, or to simply pack the court with judges more sympathetic to his aims. This is a man who was openly contemptuous of the concept of the rule of law.

Here’s a fun entry from the notes:

Hey, you want to talk about fascists? Actual, honest-to-goodness Fascists, not just the modern definition (i.e. anyone a nanometer to the right of Noam Chomsky)? Let’s talk about the originals. Let’s talk about the inventor of Fascism, Benito motherfucking Mussolini. And how FDR openly admired him, and was “deeply impressed by what he has accomplished”, calling Fascism the “cleanest, most efficiently operating piece of social machinery [he had] ever seen”, and that it made him “envious”. And Mussolini, for his part, said of Roosevelt that, “Reminiscent of Fascism is the principle that the state no longer leaves the economy to its own devices … Without question, the mood accompanying this sea change resembles that of Fascism.”

When the guy who fucking invented Fascism is saying that he thinks that you are also doing Fascism, then maybe you’re not a good person.

Concentration- I Mean, Internment Camps

And just like his buddies on the other side of the Atlantic, right when World War 2 kicked off, Roosevelt thought it would be a good idea to take “undesirables” and throw them into prison camps. Roughly 20 thousand Italian- and German-Americans, American citizens, were thrown into camps, simply for the crime of having ancestors from countries we were at war with. And then, of course, there’s the 120 thousand Japanese-Americans who were likewise rounded up and put into prison camps, two thirds of whom were natural-born American citizens.

Almost 150 thousand American citizens, thrown into literal concentration camps, without the bother and expense of due process, stripped of their constitutional rights simply on the basis of race.

As for the concentration camps set up in Europe by the Nazis, however? Despite being told of their existence by people who had escaped, as well as journalists and lawyers from Germany, once American planes gained the ability to attack those camps, to shut them down? FDR refused to grant them permission to do so.

Commander in Thief

Executive Order 6102 outlawed the private ownership of gold, allowing the government to confiscate all of it. Once that was accomplished, the Gold Reserve Act allowed him to change the value of gold, debasing America’s currency (which was on a gold standard at the time), which permitted him to steal literally billions of dollars from American citizens, without any compensation.

World War, Too

There is evidence to suggest that Roosevelt knew about the imminent attack on America by Japan in December of 1941. He discussed with several high-ranking people in the War Department, and in his own cabinet, how to get Japan to fire the first shot in the war, so that he could get America involved. It would make sense: His oil embargo was designed to provoke a Japanese response, so as to draw America into the war. And once America was in the war, ordered the Philippines to be abandoned, outright lying that there was an army waiting to retake it once it had been conquered by Japan.

And as the war dragged on, he got quite cozy with Uncle Joe, Stalin himself. He helped to repatriate two million people to Russia, who very much did not want to go back, many of them ending up either in the gulags, or simply killed outright. And his constant concessions to Stalin helped the Soviet Union hold on to eastern Europe, setting the stage for the Cold War. Even when he was informed of Soviet spies within the American government, and provided evidence of their disloyalty and subversion, he simply let them keep at it.

Racism, Racism, and more Racism

Remember how you cheered when lynching was made a federal crime a few months ago, and asked why it hadn’t been done before now? Well, the main reason was good ol’ FDR himself. A bill was proposed in the Congress which would have made lynching a federal crime, and Roosevelt refused to pass it.

Or what about during the Olympic games in Berlin, when black athletes from America took home multiple gold medals? Roosevelt invited the white athletes to the White House, but not a single black one. Jesse Owens, who won four gold medals, said, “Hitler didn’t snub me --- it was [Roosevelt] who snubbed me. The president didn’t even send me a telegram.”

And then there was his nomination of a KKK member to the Supreme Court; Hugo Black, who had zero judicial experience, was nominated simply because he supported the New Deal.

He also was of the opinion that America was, and ought to remain, a white and Protestant country, and that too many Jews was inherently a bad thing, because of how distasteful he found them. He boasted that there was no Jewish blood in his veins, as a mark of pride. He even went so far as to turn away ships of Jewish refugees, fleeing Nazi tyranny in Europe.

In conclusion

FDR was a massive piece of shit. He massively overstepped his constitutionally-appointed bounds at every available opportunity, massively expanding the power of the Presidency at the expense of all other parts of government, and at the expense of individual liberty. He was openly racist and anti-Semitic. His economic policies brought ruin upon the American economy. He openly praised fascism right up until the moment that it was no longer politically expedient to do so, and switched to deferring to authoritarian communism instead. Almost everything that you hate about the modern United States can be traced directly back to this one man.

The fact that he is remembered as not just a good President, but one of the best Presidents, shows how utterly broken American education is.

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mindofharry · 10 months

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Can’t catch me now | hunger games!harry

The nation of Panem is divided into 12 districts. Each year, two representatives from every district are chosen at random to compete in The Hunger Games. This so called game is the most brutal thing you will ever do, and only one person comes out alive. You are told to play the game and that means doing the most unthinkable things to win.

In district 1, Harry Styles is the most desired man at the moment. With his muscles and long hair, nobody knows if they want to be him or fuck him.

In district 12, Y/N L/N is the underdog. She liked that. Her kindness is her greatest gift and she’ll never let go of that.

Y/N is open with her other districts. She’s a nurturing nature when they were all training, especially for the younger kids. Harry thought she was naive and weak. He didn’t like how pure she was. He couldn’t find anything wrong with her and he couldn’t understand why. Shes from district 12, she should be mad. But she’s not. She’s smiling and giggling, and twirling around like she’s not about to enter a blood bath.

“There’s something wrong with her,” Tori murmured, picking up a gun and looking over its parts. Harry shook his head.

“Definitely. At least we know who’ll go out first,” Harry said, making Tori laugh.

Y/N smiled to herself as she overheard the two. Good. She liked that. They don’t see her as a threat.

She has a plan and if everything goes well, she’ll be the next victor of the hunger games.

After two weeks of intense training, media work and having the best meals of her life — Y/N was ready to enter the game. She felt prepared, well however prepared you could be in this game. Her mentors gave her valuable information and she hopes she’ll do them proud.

“Remember, straight for the trees. The cornucopia is no use to you as of right now, ok?” Her mentor, Lila, advised. Y/N nodded and bit her trembling lip. Her eyes filled up with water and Lila tutted.

“Save the tears for the cameras. They’re always watching. Remember who the real enemy is, Y/N,” Lila whispered, pulling her into a tight hug.

“I hope I do you proud,”

Lila smiled, “You already have,”

The speaker called out ten seconds. She had to get in her pod.

“See you on the bright side,” Y/N grinned, getting into her pod. The door closed straight away and her heart pounded, sweat pouring down her face.

“Use your gifts, Y/N,” She whispered.

Suddenly, it all felt real. There they all stood on the podiums, waiting for the canon to go off. Y/N’s hands shook as she waited for what felt like an eternity. She swallowed and let out a breath.

And then, it happened. The games began.

She ran so fast to the forest, she thought she was flying. She quickly hid behind a bush as people started filing in behind her.

“You know who I want to kill? That little snow white girl. Y/N,” Tori said, cutting branches away with her knife as they walked through the forest. Y/N swallowed and tried to stay as still as possible.

“You’ll get her. We just need to focus on shelter right now,” Harry reasoned, the other allies in his group agreeing.

The retreated into the forest and Y/N was in the clear.

“Assholes,” She murmured, wiping down her trousers. A beeping noise came from the trees. A gift. Y/N grinned. She opened it up quickly, finding a knife.

kindness is the greatest weapon of all — but here’s a little help ~ Lila.

Y/N giggled and put the knife in her pocket. She was going to be just fine.

A few days passed and Y/N had only killed two people. People she had tried to help. But she had no choice. Now she had a bow and few arrows, so she could properly hunt. She used this in her district to help out her mother, so she was pretty handy with it. After shooting a rabbit, she went back to her camp to cook it. Only to fine Harry and Tori sitting down on a log, smirking at her.

“Well, Well, Well,” Tori taunted, walking up to Y/N.

“You lasted longer than I thought you would, I’ll give you that,” Tori said, Y/N cleared her throat.

“Thanks?”

Tori hit the back of her knee, Y/N fell to the ground. She clutched her bow quickly, and shot at Tori. The arrow shot into her stomach and her face went white.

Harry yelled and ran towards Y/N.

A click stopped him.

His foot was engulfed in a bear trap. His other allies walked out of the woods with a laugh.

“It was meant for her, but if the shoe fits,” Alex, a boy from district two laughed. Harry’s face morphed from pain to anger.

“What do you mean? Get me the fuck out of here!” Harry yelled, his voice hoarse. Y/N looked between the two and noticed the guys gun at the ready. They were going to kill Harry and then Y/N.

Not on her watch.

“Oh, for fuck sake,” Y/N groaned, pulling her arrow and shooting straight for Alex’s head. He dropped immediately. Gun shots rang out, aiming at Y/N. She ducked and shot another arrow.

She didn’t miss one.

All three of them were dead and Y/N quickly ran over to Harry.

“Why are you helping me? I was going to kill you,”

Y/N shrugged, “Kindness is the best weapon,”

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfic #hunger games!harry

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cowandcalf · 7 months

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Steve tries to find a comfortable position for his head on the backpack. Impossible, he’s anyway too wired up to care. His team has to hunker down and is forced to hide between scrub and under dense, low-hanging branches throughout the entire day. The sun’s rising. They missed their exfil window. Junior crawls soundlessly towards him, his face serious and calm.

„What’s up? Everyone okay?“

„Yeah, all good.“ Junior whispers.

„Then what’s with the face?“

„We should be on our way home by now. It would have been perfect. Right on time back home again for the candles and the cake.“

Steve cranes his neck and checks the sky. They‘re on enemy territory and do everything to stay invisible.

„You know in our line of duty nothing is predictable. We were supposed to have reserves training but we’re on a mission. It’s what we do.“

Junior leans against the big tree and starts to work systematically past the layers of his camouflage to grab something from a secret pocket. Steve watches how he pulls slowly and without a sound a card from under there.

„That’s not a map.“ Steve states and stares at the piece of paper.

„It’s for you.“ Junior hands him the card, leans forward and whispers fondly. „Happy birthday, brother.“

Steve wants to grin but frowns at Junior. „You wrote me a fucking birthday card and took it on the mission?“ Steve‘s voice is calm but filled with question marks.

Junior scoffs and gives him an eye roll. „No, moron, I didn’t write you a card but someone who knew your team might not make it back in time, wrote it for you and made me swear to give it to you.“

„Danny made you swear?“ Steve’s smile widens.

„He did and because I know it means a lot to him . . . here, take it. And before you say something about bringing private life to work. We’re forced to stay put for the next 12 hours. So—„

„So?“

„Read it. It’s from your husband. There's a Snickers in my pocket and a small candle but you‘ll get that when we’re on the plane.“

Steve takes the card, deeply moved, and fights against the upcoming emotions. It’s not wise to read it but on the other hand, they have to kill a lot of time. „Thank you.“

„Love you, man.“ Junior pushes his fist gently against Steve‘s shoulder. He turns around and settles into a comfortable position to sleep for a few hours. They can’t do anything but wait.

Steve sits up and holds the card between his hands. He can’t allow his feelings to break through entirely but he lets his fingers wander over the paper where Danny’s fingers have been when he wrote the card. He opens it. The text is short but means the world to him. And it says Danno. Steve knows exactly what Danny wants to tell him. They took in a stray cat and named him Mr. Pickles. Steve was so worried that Eddy might get stressed and that the cat might bolt again. Steve’s heart already belongs to the cat. Danny knows that and sends him a picture showing Eddy and Mr. Pickles eyeing each other with interest. And next to the other picture, Danny took of him and his fur boy there's a short note: I‘ll take care of your new love, babe. You’re a big softy and that’s why I love you.

„Love you, too Danno.“ Steve murmurs and shoves the card into a small pocket close to his heart, folded into a small square. He shuffles into a lying position and reaches over to touch Junior. „Thanks, brother. I needed that.“

#h50 #steve‘s birthday #h50 march 10 #steve mcgarrett #danny williams #mcdanno #Junior reigns #ficlet #mcdanno ficlet #unbeta'd #my edit

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wing-ed-thing · 1 year

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Konoha 12 with Children Going Through the Same Trauma They Did

Tags/Warnings: Body Image Issues, Grief, Mental Health Topics, Reader Insert, No Reader Pronouns, Mild Physical Abuse (Sorry Sasuke would punt you)

Notes: Boruto who? BORUTO DOESN’T EXIST FOR THESE HEADCANONS.

𓆃 Choji - Body Image

Easily the best at knowing what to say. He’s been struggling with his body image his entire life and has a wonderful grasp on what health specific to his clan looks like.

Choji strives to make topics surrounding weight and body shape normal and neutral in the household, so if you're asking about weight, it’s because some other stupid kid said something.

You are always reminded of your spirit, skills, and capacity for kindness rather than your looks.

Choji ensures that your home is a positive and safe place to talk about anything.

𓆃 Hinata - Finding a Voice

Hinata has always been a very patient person and knows how hard it is to break out of one’s shell. As a parent, she provides a space for you to be heard and to feel safe.

Hinata believes that you can’t force things when it comes to your growth and tries to nurture you until you have the strength to do it on your own.

Not to say that she doesn’t give a little push now and then. Hinata herself always regretted the amount of time it took for her to take chances and be vulnerable with friends, so she gives gentle nudges and reassurance when she can.

𓆃 Ino - Normalcy and Loss

A part of Ino always wanted to be a normal girl. There was a balance between civilian life and shinobi life that she couldn’t quite strike, especially when responsibility was thrust onto her so young.

She’ll want to go out with you often, whether it’s getting sweet drinks, getting your nails painted, asking for the friend-group gossip, or other fun activities.

A part of her craves getting more of those experiences in her youth, but she very much wants you to have those experiences for yourself and to have a consistent parent who “gets you.”

She definitely tries too hard at times— it’s embarrassing sometimes— but she means well.

𓆃 Kiba - Bein’ a Guy

Kiba always had a loud bark, but when it came down to it, he didn’t meet all the goals he intended to meet.

Being the energetic guy he is, he will be rooting for you from day one. Sometimes, you feel he gets more excited about projects and accomplishments than you.

Kiba is always celebrating you and always bragging about you. He’s proud of you that you have goals— big or small— but more than anything, he wants you to live your life in a way that makes you happy.

If you’re happy, Kiba is dragging you out for celebratory ice cream.

𓆃 Lee - Bullying and Inadequacy

Ehm. I mean, he means well?

You see, Gai took a very tough love approach with Lee meaning that Lee thinks if you push hard enough, you’ll find fulfillment... and that’s not for everyone.

He’s also not great with his words. Every so often, he’ll say something encouraging, but sometimes he’s just emotionally clueless.

If anything, you’ll always be celebrated for your uniqueness and what makes you you.

Lee genuinely wants only what’s best for you; his pure intentions are always clear.

𓆃 Naruto - Isolation

Poor Naruto, seeing you isolated would probably make him so sad. And angry, for that matter! Naruto isn’t above punting some jerk kid who made you mad (which probably isn’t great for the Hokage).

He’s a little goofy in the sense that he’ll probably take an over-interest in the things you enjoy. He’ll insist that you do things that interest you together.

He’s also really into pep talks and giving unsolicited advice (that probably isn’t really that great).

Naruto would totally give you pocket money to enjoy a meal if he’s busy.

𓆃 Neji - Unfair Family Dynamic

Well, first of all, Neji isn’t letting this happen.

I’m struggling to write a headcanon because Neji wouldn’t allow this. He wouldn’t allow the secondary-branch stuff to happen.

He’d be a fierce advocate for you, even before birth. But Neji is such a grumpy dad. The affection is there; it’s just through action.

He’s also not very good with words, so the affirmation is straightforward, but he would go to war for you.

𓆃 Sakura - Inadequacy

Your two best friends are also gods, huh? Sakura knows how that is, and she’s probably picked up on it before you tell her.

She’s reticent about things and always seems to tell you exactly what you need at that moment. Sakura is very encouraging, helping you problem-solve to figure out what your strengths and passions are.

She suggests that you pursue those, admiring your accomplishments, whether big or small.

𓆃 Sasuke - Having your family murdered in front of your very own eyes Going Down a Troubled Path

Yikes. Don’t go down a Troubled Path ™ while Sasuke is around.

I’m sorry. If you tried to leave the village, Sasuke wouldn’t be above punting you. I’m just the messenger.

Sasuke would be there for you, or at least try to, but as another shinobi who’s not great with words, he’d usually end up looming.

Maybe there are times when he can see your anger, and you can achieve a nice, quiet moment with him, but Sasuke will drag you out of darkness no matter what it takes.

𓆃 Shikamaru - Losing a Sensei

Shikaku knew best, and that’s what Shikamaru does with you. He’s straight to the point, not very into hugs or anything like that, but he does have an eye on you emotionally.

Shikamaru already knows, and he drives straight to the point, unarming you so that you have a space to feel your grief.

𓆃 Shino - Losing a Sibling-like Person

Another quiet Dad. He just wants what’s best for you too.

It’s all about the memories and the momentos. Shino would encourage you to cope and heal at your own rate but not forget the person important to you.

Shino would be there with you in your grief but ensure the focus remained on you. You would have space, and Shino would show his love and support through small gestures.

𓆃 Tenten - Bein’ a Gal

Tenten stuck a nice balance in her life, and she wants to pass that on to you too! Maybe you’re not the flashiest ninja in your grade, but Tenten is already working with you on a strategy on how to improve that thing you like!

Never for a second has Tenten treated you like something to be overlooked. Anything you want to do, you do!

Zero hesitation. Mention one idea to her; she’s already helping you put it in motion. To her, there’s nothing worth overlooking in the first place.

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed, and supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

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fayetape · 4 months

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“Flame” by Fayetape

Finnick Odair x Reader

Word count: 1854

CW: Angst, typical THG stuff

Summary of series: Reader and Finnick met when they were very young. They experience the horrors of Panem together as they grow up. Throughout the years they fight for a happy ending. Whatever that may look like… Angst/Fluff/Smut/Series/Minimal use of Y/N!

Important note: The reader starts out very young but there is a time skip, don’t worry!

Hey everyone! My name is Faye. This is my first story I’ve ever published on here. I’m very new to this. This is the first part of my series “Flame” I hope you guys enjoy! Feel free to leave any constructive criticism or suggestions in the comments :)

Chapter One: Promises

A short white dress was displayed on her twin-sized mattress. The dress was beautiful. White and lacy. Tied with small, delicate ribbons on the shoulders and in the middle of the chest. Any other day she would have been delighted to have found such a gift. She knew what it meant. Reaping day. Her first one too. All the people of district four get dressed up in their sunday-best to be forced to watch as two of their children ages 12-18 get sent off to the games, almost certain to die. This time her life was part of the draw. She had no other choice but to put on the dress. Against her own will she kept thinking about this process as if it was one of her last times ever to do such a simple thing. Last time undressing. Last time tying a ribbon. She sighed anxiously and put on a pair of white tights and black buckle mary-janes. It felt like she was preparing herself to die or dressing herself up for her own funeral. She heard the sizzle and cracks of her mom cooking in the kitchen. Her mother had been quiet lately. She had a thought. It’s because she knows her daughter has a chance to be taken from her, even when her daughter is all she has, the capitol spares no mercy. Disturbed by these thoughts, the girl walked past her mother without saying a word, only exchanging a sullen glance as she turned the handle of the front door.

“Y/N! Hey!” a recognizable voice yelled in the distance.

“Finnick! Hi.” She was excited to see him, but today there could only be but so much happiness in her voice.

He walked over to her and put an arm around her shoulder, “I like your dress.”

She didn’t say anything in response.

“Look, I know today is scary, but your name is only in that bowl once out of hundreds of other slips. You’re gonna be fine.”

Finnick was older. He had already gone through the horrors of being part of the reaping for two years now. He knew how to navigate it, at least more than she did. He took upon himself some unassigned duty to protect her from the moment they met. This was the one thing he couldn’t shield her from and it made him feel unsettled. The very least he could do is be realistic and try his best to console her. He looked down at her. She was still quiet. He let go of her shoulder and held her hand. He stroked her hand with his thumb and led her into a nearby field. They would go here when things got hard. Not that they would talk about it much. Not many people knew about it or dared to explore it. Technically it was off-bounds to district four and they knew they could get in a lot of trouble with the peacekeepers. Regardless, they both agreed that a little bit of risk was healthy. He checked in all directions to make sure nobody was watching before he reached ahead to pull branches aside to clear a path. The landscape never failed to hypnotize them. A luscious field with an array of diverse greenery and wildflowers sloping down a hill to the marsh. The sound of light wind blowing through the grass and the small creek bubbling instantly calmed their nerves. Even Finnicks, as much as he tried to hide his fear.

They pushed through the tall grass onto the path they carved out several years ago. Walking until they got to the bottom of the tall, gentle hill. He always loved the water. He let go of her hand and he sat down on the damp ground. He shot her a glance proposing her to sit down.

“I don’t want to get my dress dirty.”

“You mean your MOM doesn’t want you to get your dress dirty. Since when did you care about dirt?”

He was right. She lifted up the skirt of her dress and sat down on a patch of grass that looked cleaner than the rest.

He looked over at her, a few feet away, “Not gonna dare to get any closer, huh?” He always flirted like this. Bold enough to get her attention, but sly enough to give her plausible deniability.

“Today is the one day I can’t get messy. Tomorrow I’ll take more of a risk, okay?”

He laughed, “See? You do know that it is going to be okay!”

“What?”

“You said tomorrow. You know deep down that it’s gonna be fine.”

She rolled her eyes, “I just forgot about it for a second..”

That was good enough for him. They sat in silence for a few minutes listening to the sounds of the bugs and frogs in the marsh.

“Hey,” he said.

“I’m not moving closer.”

“Fine.” He scooted closer to her.

Instinctively she put her head on his shoulder. He smiled.

“Finn? Can you promise me something?”

“Yes?”

“Promise you’ll always take care of me like this ?”

“Yes.” He said without any hesitation.

“You promise?”

“Of course.”

“I need to hear you say it,” she said.

“I promise. You know I’ll always take care of you. I won’t leave you alone, love.”

After that she just stared at him for a while, “Okay,” she said and looked back at the morning sky.

“Hey,” he said in a quiet voice.

She looked over at him and he nervously grabbed her chin and pulled her in. She didn’t resist. The two stared at each other with their faces so close before he leaned in and gave her a swift kiss on the lips before letting go.

They sat in silence for a bit. “Was that okay?” He asked nervously.

Through slightly labored breath she said, “Yeah. Of course.”

He smiled, “Was I your first?”

“No,” She giggled playfully.

Matching her demeanor, “Yeah right.”

“How would you know? Maybe I kissed that boy on Dove Street.”

“You don’t even know his name!” He exclaimed, “Plus I worked my ass off to keep those dumbass neighborhood boys

off of you.”

“Yeah whatever!” She said and swept sand onto his lap.

He dramatically put his hand over his chest, “How could you!” and splashed dirty water in her direction.

“Finnick!”

“You started it!” It was too

late, her dress was already muddied. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“Baby?”

“Sorry. Was that not okay?” he asked her.

“No. No. It’s okay,” she paused, “Are we dating?”

He laughed at her innocence. “If that’s what you want.”

“Is that what you want?” she asked anxiously.

“Of course.”

“Okay then.”

“Okay then,” he confirmed.

Just as he was about to kiss her again, they heard the sound of the warning bell.

“Shit.” He pulled her up and they ran back up the hill away towards their town.

Once they got out of the field they ran their separate ways towards their houses, breathlessly exchanging goodbye glances.

Panting and sweating she ran across the railroad tracks towards her small house. Slowing down once she could see the white paint chipping off the frame. She heard the front screen door slam shut.

“Where have you been?” Her mother yelled, “What the hell happened to your dress?”

Catching her breath she tried to find a believable excuse. Before she could explain her mother grabbed her arm and dragged her inside.

“Were you with that boy again? He’s so disrespectful.”

Her mother was always one to hold a grudge. She couldn’t let go of the time that Finnick purposely broke one of her daughter’s toys when they were younger. Ever since then she thought of him as a bully, even though he was only eight at the time and wasn’t trying to be malicious.

“No,” She tried lying.

Her mother didn’t say anything in response and just continued to wipe down her dress with a wet rag.

Her mother smoothed out her dress, “Come on. Let’s go.”

They hurried their way to the town square.

“You’re gonna be fine.” Her mother kissed the top of her head. “I love you.”

“Love you too, mom.”

They separated and she was pushed forward by the peacekeepers before she could even look back. They pricked her finger and checked her into the drawing system. Her throat burned and there was suddenly a deeper hole of anxiety in her chest. Reality was setting in. Her eyes darted across the space searching for Finnick. Panicking when she couldn’t find him.

“Hey,” He said on the other side of the barrier.

Her shoulders untensed ever so slightly. She smiled at him.

The chatter of the crowd stopped as the stage microphone rang out ear piercing frequencies.

“Ahem,” the announcer decorated in a ridiculous, loud purple dress spoke, “Welcome to the 65th annual Hunger Games!”

As if waiting for an applause the woman paused, “Alright then. We won’t waste anymore time here.”

She dipped her hand into the bowl swirling the strips of paper. “And the female tribute for the 65th annual Hunger Games iss…”

The girl held her breath. Feeling like she was going to faint or die right then and there.

“Julianne Halmbern!” the crowd gasped.

The pit in the girl's stomach disappeared for a split second. Not her this year. Then it set in. A girl who lived on the poorer side of the district. She hardly knew her but she still felt sickenly guilty for being relieved. Another person she knew would be sent to almost certain death. She watched as the crowd parted, making a path for the poor blonde girl, Julianne. She was stiff in fear and disbelief as she was guided up on stage.

“And the male tribute iss…”

“Finnick Odair!” The announcer exclaimed as if she had just announced the lottery.

Y/N’s stomach dropped. No. No. The crowd parted and revealed sweet Finnick. She watched his every move. She watched as he stood there in utter shock, then as he took small steps up to the stage.

“Finnick!” she cried out.

The peacekeepers were getting impatient as they ushered him to the front. “It’s okay!” he yelled out to her.

She wanted to run to him. The older girl next to her noticed her expression and held her arm protectively preventing her from charging the boy. “Finnick!”

He stepped onto the stage, hiding tears in his eyes as she yelped out for him. He thought the sound of her screams was more disturbing than getting chosen like this. Even in this moment he felt the need to console her. Before the woman in the obnoxious dress could say anything else he yelled, “Y/N! I promise! Okay? I promise!”

She nodded through her sobs. She knew he was promising to make it back to her. He vowed not to leave her alone. She tried her best to believe him. To trust him. Her thoughts raced. He was a career. He trained for this. He’s going to be okay. No. He’s fourteen. He can’t. I can’t- No. She cried harder.

And they took him away.

#finnick odair #thg finnick #finnick x reader #finnick x you #hunger games #self insert #finnick odair angst #finnick odair fluff #finnick odair series #finnick odair x reader angst #finnick odair x reader series

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arteastica · 1 year

Text

early in the morning, especially when it rains, and a little before noon. (5)

erwin x fem!reader

chapters: (1) | (2) | (3) | (4) | (6) | (7) | (8) | (9) | (10) | (11) | (12) | (13) | (14) | (15) | (16) | (17) | (18) | (19) | (20) | (21) | (22) | (23) | (24) | (25) | (26) | (27) | (28) | (29)

summary: I basically took Isayama’s work, forced it into a romance story, and made Erwin the love interest. Commander meets cadet and they fall in love (not instantly though)

notes: very berry canonverse (but some events were modified to fit my narrative), wasn’t intended to be this long, but it all is in the details right?

content warnings: smut where it fits (or where I make it fit. Also, reader is NOT underage, so likewise, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, please.). slow burn (I really mean it. I’m not olympic diving into any form of smut for the first chapters). no angst. I dislike angst. I would never. I could never. (Although angst can be somewhat subjective so take it with a grain of salt?)

wc: 2.2k

From what you had heard, warm weather and blue skies were supposed to feel relaxing and soothing, as if the sun was extending an open invitation for everyone to lazily lay on the fields and bask under it. But on the morning of the 57th expedition beyond the walls, the blue in the sky had a tinge of deceit, almost as if a storm was coming.

That’s why the black smoke signals didn’t surprise you. In fact, you were kind of expecting them. What you didn’t expect, however, was for them to keep going for that long. It seemed like no team had been able to take out the abnormal.

Your eyes kept bouncing from the black smoke in the sky to the wings of freedom on his back, because something about them prevented your hands from sweating too much and your heart from going too fast.

“It appears the right-wing recon squad has been wiped out.” A messenger came galloping at full speed. “The early warning network is compromised.”

The right wing? This is bad. If we let them too far into the formation-

Another black column rose into the sky.

Just under that smoke, someone is-.

You held the reins tight while your elbows pressed just as hard into your sides. Your eyes followed the smoke column back to the ground and that’s when it clicked. They were fighting on plain, empty fields. Not a single building to latch onto. Through the suffocating mental fog, you tried to visualize the map in your head. The only tactical option is-

“Commander, at the east-” you said hurriedly, almost out of breath.

“The forest. I know” he finished your sentence, flare gun already in hand.

“Titans have used this path. Lack of vegetation is a giveaway.” He observed some moments later as you approached the woods. “The wagons should have no problem. Inform everyone behind us. Only the center line will enter the forest” he said before turning to his right, locking eyes with you for a brief second “don’t leave my side, and keep your eyes open-”

“At all times” you said, giving him a firm nod.

They’re going to finish it off anytime now. That’s why we’re here. He intends to confront it and kill it. You thought, unable to take your eyes off the horror unfolding beneath you.

A black smoke signal had been seen through the giant tree branches and moments later Captain Levi and his squad had come rushing into the scene, followed by what you assumed was the abnormal that had been causing all the chaos. And when you saw it, you understood why. You had never seen a titan in real life, but you were sure they weren’t supposed to look like that. None of your textbooks mentioned anything about a creature like that one.

“Fire!” The commander’s voice echoed through the forest.

Looks like it’s completely immobilized now. You looked at the creature, stabbed by hundreds of sharp and unforgiving iron strings. Anytime now, he’ll give the order to kill it.

Back then, when the abnormal had come in accelerating, it looked as if squad Levi wasn’t going to be able to outrun it. For a moment, you had fought the urgency to look away. You had been certain they were all going to be crushed flat. But even in the face of death, after abandoning comrades and friends, everyone seemed to have silently agreed on moving forward. Everyone is believing in Commander Erwin and risking it all. You thought. But was it something everyone collectively decided? Or was it just one man making all the calls? One person getting to decide who stays behind and who keeps going.

You looked at him, standing on a nearby branch. His hunter green cloak dancing in sync with the wind. For a moment, it looked like he had wings. And in the time you had known him, you swore his side profile had never looked so sublime.

And terrifying.

In him, there was so much to admire.

And so much to fear.

Stance, unmoving. Features, expressionless. Eyes, fixed on the target. You tried to read him, but there was nothing. It was like trying to read a blank piece of paper or a closed book. You weren’t exactly sure which one. And in that moment, you realized that there was still so much you didn’t know about the Commander of the Survey Corps. And so much you most likely would never know. He seemed to be both, sometimes even at the same time: reliable and unpredictable.

Unpredictability. It was right there in everything he did. Everything he was. From the way his cloak swayed in the wind to the pattern his thoughts followed. Or rather didn’t.

He was as unpredictable as the world you had been born in. And he had adapted frighteningly well.

“We can’t let our guard down yet. But anyway, good work guiding it to this point.” You heard him say to Captain Levi when he landed beside him.

“We were able to buy time thanks to the rear squad that gave their lives fighting. Without them, it wouldn’t have been possible.”

“Is that so?” His voice was toneless and devoid of emotion. Definitely not the type you were supposed to use when replying to a statement like that one. Yet his eyes were telling you stories not even a thousand words could. Those were the type of eyes that could only be born of painful experiences, of holding onto the unrelenting part of yourself while letting the compassionate one go. And choosing to do it over and over again. Those were the type of eyes born from tainting one’s own hands with blood. Because those soldiers, the ones whose bodies had been crushed and dismembered while fighting the abnormal, hadn’t exactly died voluntarily. They had been ordered to.

By him.

Erwin Smith’s hands were tainted with the blood of hundreds.

You clutched the handle of your blade with ice cold fingers. It was in that forest that you finally understood why he had been entrusted with the Survey Corps, the hope of humanity. He was willing to make the decision no one else dared to. He was willing to abandon everything, even his own humanity, because in a world like yours, that was the only trade that could bring you change. He had chosen to sacrifice the lives of hundreds of his soldiers in order to secure the lives of thousands within the walls.

“Their sacrifice won’t go to waste. It is our job to find meaning in it.” He seemed to be speaking to the air, and not particularly to Captain Levi, eyes still fixed on that same spot.

You followed them, and they led you to the titan. It looked special. Human, even. And that, in particular, made the creature all the more disturbing. You couldn’t help but remember Captain Hange’s reports and how they described Eren in his titan form. Were there others like him?

You suddenly felt like you had swallowed a rock.

The commander must have known it all along. That’s why he led us all here. He isn’t trying to kill that titan. He wants to capture it alive. You quickly turned your head in his direction. He was like a complex picture that no matter how far you stepped back, you were never going to fully see.

“Thanks to them we can find out who’s on this thing’s nape.” He said to Captain Levi.

You hurried to take your notebook and pencil out, and started to sketch the creature with whatever precision was left in your trembling hands. But the moment the abnormal let out that horrifying cry, your whole body stopped answering.

“Erwin, it smells” was all you heard Squad Leader Miche say before the ground started shaking. You looked around, not really sure what you were searching for. But then, in the distance, you saw them.

They were unsettling. They looked like people. Deformed giant people. But unlike the abnormal, who remained imprisoned by the restraint weapon, there was something more animalistic than human about them.

You stood there, unmoving, while the branch you were standing on threatened to snap. The pencil, suddenly too heavy, slipped from your hand, and you looked down only to see it disappear in the multitude of giants. So this is how they look. Titans.

Were they supposed to act that way though? They seemed to be ignoring everyone and rushing towards… the abnormal.

“All soldiers engage the enemy! Defend the female titan!” The commander’s orders almost got trampled by the deafening footsteps.

These were the type of situations you always tried to avoid.

You took a deep breath and descended into the chaos.

It was very important to never do anything you didn’t feel confident about.

You tried to remember your training.

To stay away from anything you weren’t one hundred percent sure you could handle.

You tried to imagine Shadis’ was the one giving you the orders. Calm down and use your brain. It’s the best survival tool, he used to say.

Go for the nape. Hold the blade tight, and slash like you mean it. Repeat.

Your blade landed on flesh for the first time, and it wasn’t a clean cut. And judging by the fact that the titan was able to get up again, not enough pressure.

In any other situation, you would have been embarrassed.

You looked around and saw the veterans. Titans falling left and right. Impressive.

In any other situation, you would have felt small, diminished by their overwhelming superiority.

‘This is the skill of the Survey Corps’ you thought. And you were now one of them.

But this wasn’t just ‘any other’ situation.

So you tried again.

This time you knew how much pressure to apply. As you sliced the flesh open, something spattered all over your face. It was boiling. But luckily, it evaporated quickly.

So you tried again.

And again.

“Why aren’t we retreating?” You heard a soldier beside you scream. He sounded desperate, and you couldn’t blame him. He had steam coming from all over his body. And you had to admit you shared his sentiment. Everywhere you looked, titans kept rushing in. There seemed to be no end to them.

But until the orders were given, you had no choice but to keep fighting. And to be honest, you had fallen into some kind of rhythm. The movements were actually kind of repetitive. Not to mention, it also helped that titans didn’t seem interested in you at all. Their goal was clear, the female.

You aimed for a nearby tree and released the hook. However, you must have miscalculated the spot, because the next thing you knew, you were being dragged along the forest floor.

You tried to get back up, but in that moment you learned that, in situations like this, limbs have an annoying tendency to turn into concrete. From your position, you only saw treetops and the deceiving sky from earlier, peeking through the foliage as if making fun of you. And then it all started to get blurry.

They say your life flashes before your eyes when you are about to leave, but for you, it didn’t. You didn’t see anything and you didn’t feel anything. Your brain insisted that a fall from that height was supposed to hurt, but there was no pain. You didn’t hear anything either. The world was quiet, as if you were underwater. Under the deepest of rivers, being dragged by the current.

Until you suddenly stopped moving. And you saw them.

Eyes that were the color of the clear blue sky peeking through the clouds after the most violent of storms, the color of the mountain lake glimmering under the sun after the steepest of climbs, and the color of the bluebell field after the harshest of winters. All at once.

You tried reaching for them. And this time your limbs didn’t fail you. As you sat up, it felt as if your body was made of cloud rather than muscle, as if your head was filled with cotton rather than thoughts. And you were met with those eyes again, and the man they belonged to.

The commander. He was kneeling beside you and his mouth was moving as if sound was supposed to come out of it, but you couldn’t make out the words. His blades were drawn, and behind him, a titan had already started to turn into gas, your hook still attached to its head.

You looked into his eyes again, and noticed your entire body shaking, but you couldn’t tell if it was out of fear or from holding back from him. So you threw yourself into his arms. The side of your head pressing hard against his chest, arms wrapped tightly around his waist, a comfortable warmth radiating all throughout your body.

And slowly, all the sensations started to come back, including the throbbing pain you now felt in the back of your head. And you heard loud footsteps behind him, as well as the unmistakable sound of chaos all around. But you also heard the drumming in his chest, something closer to a lullaby than a heartbeat. His arms were warm and welcoming, so you clung to him tighter.

“All soldiers retreat. Assume the formation. Return to Karanes.” You felt his chest moving as he yelled out the orders, one hand on your back while the other fired the blue smoke round that signaled the end of the expedition.

next chapter

taglist: @elnyrae @angelaevangelion

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jujumin-translates · 5 months

Text

★ Main Story | Act 13 - Budding Spring | Chapter 12 - What I Can Do Now

*Phone rings*

Masumi: …

Misaki: “Hello?”

Masumi: What do you want?

Misaki: “Is now a good time?”

Masumi: Yeah.

Misaki: “Since last week, we’ve had a local student intern at our overseas branch.”

Misaki: “They’re in high school now, but they’re very promising, so I believe they’ll be asked to join full-time once they’ve graduated from high school or college.”

Masumi: …And?

Misaki: “Even though you’re only in your second year of college, you’ll be in your third and then fourth year before you know it, Masumi.”

Misaki: “I was just wondering whether you’ll get a job in the future, or if you’re going to continue with acting.”

Masumi: …It’s too early for me to say.

Misaki: “Now’s not the time to be so leisurely. Students who are seriously considering things have their eyes set on getting an internship from the moment they enroll.”

Masumi: …I’m focused on theater right now, so I’m not thinking about that. I’ll think about it when the time comes.

Misaki: “If you need anything at all, talk to me right away.”

Masumi: Got it. …Bye.

*Beep*

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Izumi: …Haah.

Izumi: …Hmm… No, that’s not… Ah! This might work!

Masumi: ?

Izumi: Agh, of course, that didn’t work… Well then, if I just… Nope, not that either…

Masumi: She’s so cute when she makes all those faces…

Izumi: Hmm…

Masumi: What are you doing?

Izumi: Hm? I’m just revising our ticketing and promotion methods.

Izumi: I want to do whatever I can to prepare for the new Fleur Award, even if it’s through things not related to the contents of the performance.

Izumi: I’ve been able to do lots of things related to directing thanks to Banri-kun, so I have to do my best in return!

Masumi: I could be an assistant director too, you know.

Izumi: If you’re really interested in directing, then of course, I’ll let you help when the time comes, Masumi-kun, but…

Izumi: That’s not the reason you’d be doing it, is it?

Masumi: …Then, I’ll help with promotions.

Izumi: I appreciate the sentiment, but that requires a certain amount of knowledge to do, and right now you need to focus on yourself and Spring Troupe’s performance rather than on me, Masumi-kun.

Masumi: …Fine. But don’t overwork yourself. Take a break after an hour.

Masumi: If I see you still working, I’m automatically defaulting to making you take a break myself.

Izumi: Automatically!?

Izumi: Ah, is this how you get Tsuzuru-kun to take breaks? Thank you. I’ll be careful.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Izumi: (I’ve got an outline for a promotion plan together, but I still need to work on it some more…)

Misumi: All of ‘em look so interesting~!

Yuki: The saturation’s definitely been upped on all of them.

Kazunari: I know, right~? I mean, people are putting up flyers everywhere lately, so they’re probs all designed like that so they stand out more.

Izumi: What are you guys doing?

Muku: We’ve been collecting flyers from other troupes to use as references.

Tenma: The faster troupes have already gotten going on their performances.

Izumi: Huh, already!?

Izumi: (No, we don’t need to rush, we don’t need to rush…)

Itaru: Ah, this one’s from that “Yua Troupe” that formed during the pre-voting. They’re really putting on a performance this soon, huh.

Muku: This one here also says it’s a debut performance.

Izumi: There sure are a lot of new theater companies. You can’t tell what their performances are like just from the flyer, so I’d like to go see one of them at least once.

Citron: I am very interested in this “Indulgence In Working Overtime Gang”!

Sakuya: Their name’s pretty funny!

Izumi: Huh, they’re a pretty new theater company too. Why don’t we go watch their performance together?

[ ⇠ Previous Part ] • [ Next Part ⇢ ]

#a3!#a3! translation #masumi usui

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outivv · 2 years

Text

— dance with me! —

Synopsis: they want you to dance with them :)

Warnings: not proofread

Characters: Al haitham, wanderer, Candace

Pronouns for reader: gender neutral/ not mentioned

A/n: hello hello!! This took me soooo long to finish, I don’t know why either!! I just kept forgetting to return to it which sucks. Anyways, hope you enjoy, and take care of yourself!! <3

— Al haitham —

You groaned as you kicked off your shoes, you had a long day… and now you want to have a long rest, with your boyfriend. “Oh hey y/n you look like garbage.” Kaveh said as he walked out of the kitchen, while eating something from a bowl. You sighed, “thanks kaveh. Where’s Al haitham? In his office?” You ask, just wanting to go shower him in love, and then pass out. “No I’m right here, now let’s go.” Al haitham’s voice suddenly booms from behind kaveh, making the both of you jump. “You spill that and you’re cleaning it up.” Al haitham says to kaveh, in reference to his food. Kaveh just rolls his eyes, and you groan once again at the feeling of putting your shoes back on. “Where are we going” and in response Al haitham shrugs. Does he… not know??

You make your way… away from sumeru city which is strange. And into the nearby forest, where you can see lights up ahead. Strange, Gandharva Ville is in the complete opposite direction, and there’s no other settlements nearby, at least there shouldn’t be. Getting closer, and moving the leaves, and branches in your way, you make out… lights hung above, and someone’s dinner sprawled out on a blanket. “Al haitham?” You say turning to him, but he’s already looking at you. “I thought it’d be nice for you to get out of the house.” He’s not usually one for romantic gestures, in fact that’s more you if anything, so this, all of this, comes as a surprise to you.

You sit down and eat your dinner, when suddenly he takes your hand. “Would you want to dance?” You were in the middle of stuffing food in your mouth, and with his words you almost choke. “I’m sorry?” His brows furrowed, “I asked if you’d like to dance.” You tilted your head, this is so unlike him!! Not that you’re upset, but- wow this is a shock. Maybe kaveh made fun of him for not being very romantic… ehh likely, but doesn’t warrant a reaction like this from Al haitham. “I mean- yeah!! Of course!!” You said, standing up way to fast, and excited.

Al haitham smiled at your response, standing beside you he took of his headphones and placed them onto you. “This is so you’ll hear the music, it’s one of my favorites so I already know it well.” You felt yourself smile wobbly, and nod. You felt your legs were gonna go out, and the music hadn’t even started. Al haitham took you hand, and held you close, and the song began. Lights above you swayed in the gentle breeze, as you and Al haitham looked at one another, he always had a bit of trouble with eye contact, but now his entire focus was on you. The song was near ending, when suddenly Al haithams attention went to a group of trees. You couldn’t hear anything because of his headphones, and instead summoned your weapon, just as al haitham did the same.

Suddenly, kaveh came out of the trees. Yelling something at Al haitham, you got half of what he said when you put Al haithams headphones on your shoulder. “Ok!! Well you told me if you weren’t back by midnight to come and get you. And it’s 12:30 am!! What the hell have you guys been doing for 4 hours!!” Was it really 4 hours? Huh… well to be fair you didn’t know there was a curfew. Al haitham simply walked away from the screaming blond, placed all of your stuff into a bag, and then, walked past him, your hand intertwined with his. Walking back to your house kaveh of course spoke up once more “did you guys save any of that cake you had…” you snickered, as Al haitham rolled his eyes, as he does every time kaveh speaks.

— Wanderer —

“This is stupid.” Wanderer said between gritted teeth. You tilted your head, and held your weapon close, “how so? I think it’s very clever.” You were meant to be sparring, but the catch was, you were behind a theater in liyue. So you got to hear the wonderful opera music, while also being in the comfort of… not being in the theater!! Win win for the both of you honestly. “The music will only distract us, it gives absolutely no gain to sparring.” You rolled your eyes and huffed, “why can’t it be the gain of actually enjoying something for once. Plus, the music helps me focus.” Wanderer pulled out his weapon and sighed, “fine.”

A few sparring rounds later, and you were already sweaty. You had to shed a few layers of clothes, now only being in your shirt, and pants/shorts/skirt/dress. To be fair, wanderer didn’t look any better, he had to put his hat to the side, as well as a few of his accessories as well. You of course were ogling him, not on purpose!! But uh… you know. I mean traveling with the puppet for so long, you’ve had feelings for him for a while now, just… refused to act on it. Which is valid considering- it’s wanderer. “We should take a break for now, you don’t look so good.” He said snapping your eyes away from him, and folding up his clothes he took off. “Yeah and you look in tip top shape.” You chuckled, wanderer did not though, he looked over at you a heavy glare on his face.

A few minutes passed, wanderer sat next to you, enjoying the sound of the music, when suddenly he stood up, and stared down at you, anger (you think?) plastered on his face. “Get up.” You did as you were told, keeping an eye directly on him as you did so. “Do you know how to dance.” It was almost a statement, not a question, “yeah?” You responded. “Ok.” He said, forcefully taking your hands, even though you went along with whatever he was doing. You swayed along to the beautiful opera that was being sung, the instruments flowing with the singers voice like water. It was truly beautiful, but not as beautiful as the sight in front of you. Wanderer staring at you, a scowl of concentration on his face, while he tried so desperately to not look down at his feet. He didn’t know how to dance.

You’re not surprised you just find his current… predicament, to be rather endearing. You took the lead with the dance, “hey what are you doing?!” You laughed at his surprised expression, “taking some pressure off of you.” You smiled, and pulled him a little closer, so your chests were touching. His face now a bright red, he forcefully pulled away and out of your grasp with a groan of frustration. “We’re done, let’s get back to the hotel.” He said, putting his discarded unnecessary, layers of clothes and accessories back on. “I’m sorry… did I do something wrong?” You asked, voice small and yet full, and clearly concerned and apologetic. “No… let’s just get going.”

— Candace —

“The stars are gorgeous tonight.” Candace says while her head is tilted towards the sky, she starts poking out constellations to you, telling you their stories. You and Candace usually sneak to the highest point right near the village, almost every night, to gaze at the stars, and just be with each other. It’s rather romantic, which is something you wouldn’t have initially expected from Candace. Mostly because of how village duties consume her time, but every once and a while, you have a free night, where you can easily sneak away and enjoy the company of one another.

You suddenly see Candace turn around, and extend her arm out in front of you, “care to dance? It’s a perfect night.” Her sweet smile consumes you, and draws you in to grasp her hand, and begin swaying in perfect rhythm with a song that doesn’t even exist. Candace typically isn’t very sappy, but tonight she wanted to be… close. Minutes pass, but they feel like an eternity in the best way possible, “Candace!! The village chief needs you!!” A small child says, running up to the cliff you were at. Candace looks at you, an apologetic, and sad smile on her face, “I should probably go, it might be an emergency.”

You smile, and nod in understanding, and as Candace lets ho of you, and begins to walk away you grasp her hand, and kiss her. “Just meet me back home when your done, I’ll have dinner ready and we can relax if you want.” Candace smiles at how you understand her, and agrees before running to the chief’s house, to get her work done quickly, and return to you.

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ghostoffuturespast · 9 months

Text

Works In Progress 2023: A Cyberpunk 2077 Year In Review

I thought for a hot minute about doing one of those snazzy templates that’s been going around, but editing photos just ain’t my MO and rather than going by month I picked 12 favs that I’ve posted in 2023. Some of them were popular, some of them weren't. Overall, I think I did pretty good for just doing vanilla photomode on console.

You might be wondering why there's a picture of a sticky note. I don't remember when I started doing this, and I'm horribly inconsistent as you can see by the dates, but I'll jot down my word count for my wip chapter and then jot it down again when I remember to later.

I write slow. A lot of times I sit down to write and it feels like the wheels are spinning in place. My minutes and hours don't stretch very far, typically don't add up to much. But days, weeks, months. That's when I can at least measure the progress.

Fic: So It Goes 40/44 - 438,946 words

My V x River Ward and tinfoil hat conspiracy theory long fic. I've spent way more hours on this then I have on any of my VP.

I got tagged by @just-a-cybercroissant @therealnightcity and @wanderingaldecaldo to do some WIP Whenevers. I post my VP pretty regularly, so it’s always seemed silly to do work in progress posts for them, and I don’t know when I’ll have any new writing to share since in between work and the holidays, I haven’t had much time to sit down with anything since my last chapter update. And I've been feeling very... stingy, lately. Especially when it comes to mine and other people's writing. So take this WIP/Year In Review as my offering. Both these series, as am I, are all very much still works in progress.

I confined my reflections for this year below the cut. If you don’t want to read my long-ass essays, you can admire the pictures, maybe check out my fic, or just move along and have yourself a lovely day.

We’ll start with the easy one.

After at least a year of multiple playthroughs (I’ve played all the lifepaths, done all the endings), it only occurred to me at the beginning of this year to start taking VP. Part of the reason I never did before was because I didn’t realize it was a thing and then by the time I did, I figured I didn’t have much to offer. I play on PS5 and only have access to vanilla photomode, so seeing everyone else’s high-fidelity, ultra ray-tracing, modded, posed, full on virtual photo shoot photos, I was like there’s no way. (Not that I’m hating on PC modders, it’s just not everyone has access to mods or a PC capable of running the game, and I’m all for making art and creative endeavors accessible.) On top of that, all I’d ever heard from most other folks was how much vanilla photomode sucked. In the glamorous world of VP, I didn’t think there was any room for me.

But I started snapping pics anyway. And sure, there are a lot of limitations with vanilla photomode. But what that really translates to is opportunities to get creative. I am also a hoe for subverting people’s expectations, and very much believe when there’s a will, there’s a way.

Environmental and landscape shots were my first subjects before I started branching out into portraits and then capturing story moments. Through VP I found an entirely new way to enjoy a game that I’d already played a ridiculous number of times along with also finally being brave enough to share my V with other people too. I’d always worried about that before, if people would like her. Granted, I know Grandpa’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but whether you like her or not, I certainly think she’s made a name for herself over the past few months. Even if most people haven’t really gotten to know her the way I’d hoped.

I’ve taken hundreds of photos this past year. Most of which I’ll never share. There’s a lot of flops, a lot of weird experiments, ones that didn’t quite turn out the way I’d hoped, but I’ve learned something from every single one of them. I know how to spot good lighting, frame shots to create optical illusions, get a very limited toolkit to work in my favor, parkoured on all of the things, and heck, I even figured out how to make Grandpa smooch other NPCs. I’ve done atmospheric, mundane, down right goofy, as well as things that most people probably thought weren’t fucking possible.

I can’t say how long I’ll keep doing this, I’m sure I’ll move on at some point, but for now I’m still enjoying myself. There's a lot to explore in this game and I just can’t stop digging Night City.

Now, for the more complicated thing.

Writing

So It Goes… My peace, my war, my greedy and most ravenous of ghosts.

I’m operating under the assumption that most people following me here probably haven't read my fic or aren’t all that interested in reading it to begin with. It’s fine. But you need to understand this fic, my writing, is the main thing that brought me here. This is also Grandpa V’s story. Most of you have met her, but unless you've been reading, most of you do not know her.

I wrote around 185,000 words and posted 10 chapters this year. 2022 was about 253,000 words and 30 chapters, along with several unrelated one shots. However, I don’t think I’ve done a single chapter this year that was less then 10k, and my longest managed to hit 27k. As of the last update I posted, the fic is currently sitting at around 439k words, 40 chapters, and still isn’t done.

I have four more chapters to write. I have written a metric shit ton of words. This is, by far, the longest and most intense creative project I’ve ever endeavored to complete.

When I started writing, I was expecting this fic to be around 100-150k. That seemed to be the average for most long fics. I did not plan on being an outlier. I'm not sure you can ever really plan for that, but I guess I enjoy subverting my own expectations too.

For those of you who are reading my fic, it is my sincerest hope that it shatters every expectation of where you think it’s going. It’s not a joke that I tagged my fic “#an ode to my tinfoil hat”. An ode it has turned out to be. I’ve been sitting on this theory for two years. I have told no one about it. I hope it sticks the landing and hits the way I want it to. I don't know if it will. But fuck, I just want to be done with it so I can move on with my life, take a break, and give myself the opportunity to make and focus on other things before I have to get back on the damn horse.

I wrote less this past year then I did in 2022. I had a lot of life changes, most of which were good, but with times of change come times of adjustment. Along with some realizations that maybe you don’t understand as much as you thought you did. Looking back, I’ve been in a state of unsettled, kuzushi, for a really long time. Which is not a good place to be. It’s how your ass ends up on the ground with a knee knocking out all your teeth. I thought I knew better. Thought I had enough practice to get away from it. But bad habits have good memories.

I think given the circumstances, I accomplished a lot with my writing this year. I don’t know if my writing is exactly where I want it to be. I doubt it every will be, but it’s evolved, grown, and I wrote a pretty hefty stack of words considering I started working full-time again, bought a house with my partner, moved, and have been dealing with the millions of other beans that life tends to throw one’s way. That being said, and for full disclosure, I’ve also been dealing with some of the worst cases of jealousy and envy I’ve had since I was a teenager.

Frankly, it sucks. They walk with me every fucking where I go, hold my hands to whisper back all my doubts. Try to persuade me to my baser instincts, to be cruel and lash out. But that's not aikido. Luckily, I’m not 16 anymore so it’s at least been easier for me to identify the problem. Though I’m still coming up short in terms of actually being able to do anything about it, and will be for at least a few months more.

Yeah, I keep talking about it because I don’t know how many people know that I've been feeling this way. And I’m tired of not talking about it in a room full of creatives, because yeah, I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. And not talking about it just makes all that pent up resentment worse for everyone.

Don’t get me wrong, I love writing. But with the way I work and think, it’s a slow, tedious, and incredibly time-consuming art. With how much my fic has snowballed over the course of writing, it’s left very little room for the other hobbies in my life. And as my fellow writers probably already know, writing is an incredibly insular craft. And unlike a picture or an image, which only requires a glance, reading a bunch of words requires time and commitment.

So, when you put yourself out there and share what you wrote, it’s a lonely feeling not knowing whether or not anyone connected with what you put on the page. Especially, when the people who do read aren’t compelled to voice anything and when the people you’d hope would read don’t. And then you're stuck in the dark, not knowing, because neither of us says a goddamn thing.

I started writing this fic prior to actually joining the CP2077 fandom. And I joined the fandom because I felt alone. I’ve been here a while now, albeit in a few different places, and that feeling still hasn’t gone away. I’m still trying to find camaraderie with my fellow writers and carve out something that kinda sort of resembles a home or a sense of community. I watch my peers around me as they seem to build that with each other, except me.

I’m envious of the things that people make and jealous of the relationships those have created and fostered between said people, because for the life of me, it’s been a struggle to cultivate that since I got here. I know it’s selfish, but I also don’t know what about me makes people so hesitant. There have been a handful of strangers that have shown up for me regularly, but as far as people I call friends in this fandom that have shown up and actually stuck around, I can only name one right now. (I know we're all busy. And I acknowledge my writing's not for everyone. I know maybe some of you are quiet, or shy, or probably a thousand other things. I get it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less. People will never know unless you say. Never know unless you take the time to interact or engage. Be brave. And that's true for a lot of things.)

The propensity is for the negative to outweigh the positive. I've got a lot of numbers on my fic, so you would think things would be fine, but at this point they just feel empty. They don't bring me any comfort or real satisfaction. And I hate feeling like the people I know don’t care and that most of you are just talking around me. That I’m some kind of annoyance not fit to interact with. Which may or may not be the case. I don’t know. Again, most of you have never said anything. And maybe I need to accept the fact that most of you never will.

But this is me trying to start conversation.

It’s really shitty, knowing that the thing I want the most is also the thing holding me back. I know how to work on it too, not that it’s any guarantee. The problem is I’m still writing and in a needy state of greed. And because I’m slow, I don’t have the time or the energy to be generous. I can only take right now. I can’t give.

Relationships require both.

I can’t bring myself to read other people’s writing. I can’t comment, or like, or share if I haven’t read anything. I'm desperate for conversation, but I also don't have the time or assurance to facilitate it with other people right now. And for some reason people never seem to want to talk to me, especially when it comes to writing. I want to be part of conversations, talk deeply with other people. But I can’t speak right now, I'm not in a place to offer generosity without someone first giving it to me.

And generosity and grace is what we all need.

Four more chapters and I hope my ghosts will finally let me read in peace.

#cyberpunk 2077 #2023 year in review #year in review #virtual photography #writing #from the top #fic: so it goes #long post #i can't guarantee a safe space but i can guarantee a brave space #if anyone's been feeling similarly and wants to talk about it my dms are open #the door's always open

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