#I know I have anxious attachment | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heir-of-the-chair · 7 months

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You know, when they said “you never stop learning things about yourself” I don’t think they meant five consecutive years of having a new identity crisis.

#sophomore year of high school: am I queer/aroace? yes #junior year of high school: am I trans? yes #senior year: am I autistic? almost certainly yes (that’s just me having imposter syndrome it’s definitely a yes)#last year: not questioning anything just coming to terms with being physically disabled #and now my friends are saying I have hpd and I’m like hey just because I maybe (the wording is vague and I’m autistic and I hate it) fit the #diagnostic criteria doesn’t mean I HAVE IT #it’s vague and idk how much I relate to it but I relate to a decent amount of it very strongly #but like I wasn’t even neglected as a child (that sentence really says volumes abt my friend group) I have other family issues but idk how #that would be related to attention seeking like is it really just all bc I was just a really lonely child?#like I was an only child with autism and adhd and I didn’t have a friend group I felt truly secure until fifth grade after which we all went #to different middle schools and then it wasn’t until like sophomore year of high school okay maybe this is worse than I thought saying it #out loud…#I know I have anxious attachment #I know I very much have that #but like.#I’m just a theater kid it’s fi- *sounds of me being hit with a pillow by my friends*#yeah #this is kind of a vent atp #autism #neurodivergent #disability #yeh #the heir speaks

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waitineedaname · 6 months

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not romantic or platonic but a secret third thing (bonded pair)

#I think more character dynamics should be described as bonded pairs #are two characters very attached to each other in a way that's hard to define? bonded pair.#are two characters rarely seen in a scene without each other? bonded pair #do two characters get anxious when separated? bonded pair #I don't mean this in a weird way I mean it in the way cats will be bonded when at a shelter together or something #this can apply to so many characters I think #regardless of whether they're romantic or platonic or whatever #most necrocav duos in tlt for example #and too many duos in fma to count #like obviously knowing me im thinking about greedling #but also the elric brothers or mustang and hawkeye #but also. many of the side characters.#doing my massive spreadsheet (almost done btw!) has shown to me that jerso and zampano are almost always in the same scene #that's a bonded pair babey #brosh and ross too. to me.#anyway. someone once left the tags ''bonded pair do not separate'' on a greedling post of mine and i haven't stop thinking about it #that's just how I conceptualize their dynamic now #two cats that have to be adopted together or else they'll start destroying furniture

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atsuwumus · 3 months

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#this cannot give me the ick #EVER #as someone with an anxious attachment type I know where this is coming from #and would like to have the same reassurance as I give to him <3 #🐚 : polls!

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suncaptor · 13 hours

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yeah this cannot go on i need to take something like my chest is exploding i can't calm down it's 7am i feel insane insane insaneeeee

#though I HAVE successfully testing that ldn gives me an insane amount of (anxious) energy when i'm on a 3-4mg dose but then i get foggy and #empty at 4-5mg i think #i'm not sure if i should go down to like 2 or try to find the window between #i wish i just had like. a year to get meds right and heallllll so badly #but i can't afford going all the way down and having more relapses #i feel like i'm having aheart attack rn it's so bad it's so acutely painful #and it's so weird bc it's so empty #too like last month i was so full of everything and especially uh attachment fear but now it's just like pain empty screaming pain #i think it's the not eating food enough thing #i mean I DID eat MANY crackers today. rolls eyes #not enough hhh #i know theres so much i have to get done but like ic annot do anything i can't even message anyone i can't i need to get sedated #i don't know if i should try having MORE ldn or ritalin (probably not bc it doesn't sedate me like adderall)#or just hydroxyzine or muscle relaxers #hydroxyzine is looking like the most likely option #bc i still associate muscle relaxers too much with trauma i can't take them they scare me #i feel like i'm dying #i don't think you guys get how fast i'm typing rn like i am going fucking insane if i die of a heart attack for real it would suck huh #no i KNOW this is panic i KNOWWWW i'm panicking but i also feel like i'm going to throw up and die forever it's so bad i feel so so bad lik #i don't think people get how bad everything is i need it to all calm down and stop i need it to get better i am not okay holy shit #you know what everything in my life might not feel fixable and i am letting all my professors down but I can probably take incompletes wors #comes to worst i need to take hydroxzyine sleep and then cave and buy some food tomorrow #like what's happening now i #there FEELS like there's a SHAARP HOOOK in my CHEST IMAPLING ME #if i sedate myself enough i might be able to communicate with people for real instead of burrowing my head into the ground forever and ever #yeah okay i'm taking hydroxzyine #i feel like the problem with antihistamines now after last year is [redcated]#trying to convinc emyself this is not a suicide attempt or self harm i just need to calm down hahahahafih;aeifahe;wifahewifae #that's what they're PRESCRIBED for #i think i want benadryl instead though bc it's shorter and it also makes me head clearer i wonder if i have any i think it's not here thoug

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protosstar · 7 days

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#tw suicide #tw overdose #tw suicide attempt #a close friend of mine overdosed for the 4th time in as many weeks last night and i just dont know what to feel anymore #she was sent home from the emergencies the 1st time and was staying with me for the 2nd which i still feel guilty about #how i was an idiot for not hiding any meds while i was in the shower #spent the full day at the hospital with her to make sure she was taken into inpatient care and not just dismissed #then yesterday morning shes released from the hospital and winds up in the same place that dismissed her the 1st time in the evening #and now isnt replying to any of my messages #and im just oscillating between feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety and nothing at all #and then feeling guilty when i feel nothing #or guilty that im angry at her because she purposefully did and said thing to hurt me #but shes hurting and i need and want to give her some slack but i just felt that attachment i had to her fade after the last thing she did #and i cant even bring it up with her bc last time i did she spiralled and didnt talk to me for a week #which is fucking worrying when shes so unstable #but ive not been eating or sleeping and just feel awful and anxious #at least now i have xanax for the panic attacks and dont have to rely on alcohol anymore but god #i just want things to get better #vent #delete later

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paranorahjones · 3 months

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bruhhhhhh i am coming to terms with the fact that i REALLY need to work on healing my attachment style because i got that anxious avoidant combo like i couldn't pick a struggle

#i feel so awful for everyone who knows me #rejection sensitive dysphoria + adhd lack of object permanence in regards to relationships + anxious avoidant attachment style #= why the hell do i have any friends at all #there are a lot of apologies i need to make

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shoyoist · 7 months

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okay so !! i'm in touch with a local artist that makes really cute crocheted dolls and keychains, and i need someone to tell me how good of an idea it would be if i got crocheted doll versions of me and my girlfriend. like these for example ⬇️

#₊˚ପ⊹ soliloquy .ᐟ‍#like as a gift for myself #i want to do it but i'm a little anxious #probably just my bpd talking but i just wonder if i might #regret it in the long term 💀#because these are so fucking cute and i don't want to do it #to have it end in vain yk because i know i'll get so attached to these dolls if i do get them made 😭#what if one day i look at them sitting on my shelf and all they do is make me cry </3

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thedandelionthief · 4 months

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i think it would be more helpful if people looked at attachment styles as a grid rather than four rigid categories, kind of like the political compass

#i don’t know for me personally i have a lot of anxious-avoidant tendencies but not the extreme that most people talk about #i really like the attachment theory on its own but the way some people talk about it is flawed and i feel like this would help #ramblings&such

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arthur-r · 7 days

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(stupid vent in the tags i’m maybe struggling a lot. not feeling particularly real or handling my life and relationships maturely at all)

#i love i LOVE how i can write out three fucking pages of how well and normal my life is going and then just fall apart #is this directly correlated to whether i take my anxiety medication? certainly but the side effects are SHIT and its not mandatory anymore #(realizing the amount of my shit relationship that i spent fucking drugged up by myself is SHIT!! i wasn’t a real human being i was so #fucking out of it all the time and he DIDNT FUCKING CARE and i’m upset. that being said i’m anxious as shit now without my meds)#anyway i’m meeting up with two people tomorrow and they’re both the most fucked up sorts of relationships where they’ve been almost my #entire life at certain points of time but are also people who have made me FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE but with no ill will just fucked situation #problem is one is just an asshole but the other is an incredible person with delusions attached. i think. i’m struggling #i was so fucking healthy two days ago and i thought its a good idea to say hi when i’m in town. but no actually i’m fucked in the head #i feel like he’s either going to kill me or fall in love with me. he’s ten years older than me. and has done NOTHING WRONG IM JUST INSANE #should i not show up?? this is a normal fucking person this is a normal person and i want to say hi. already sent him a long fucking email #so we’re a little late to lose this relationship. and it’s FUCKING NORMAL. normal fucking person. mentor figure positive fucking role model #what the fuck is wrong with me!!!! i’m so fucking normal i just get insane. i’m being like my nemesis actually. ex-bandmate who fucked me u #and didn’t fucking care about anyone and saw me as a character i’m doing her fucking thing. im talking about a normal man who cares about m #a normal amount. and interacts with me in a NORMAL FUCKING WAY. who SAVED MY FUCKING LIFE. what is WRONG WITH ME #aside from that…. i’m just feeling sick and awful. my little sister is really struggling and so am i. and i talk so much and never listen #and i could have fucking sworn that i was doing well. fucking LAST NIGHT i wrote all about how fucking stable i am. how i’m going to be oka #AND I AM. i just feel like shit. and i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i’m going on testosterone TOMORROW if all goes well. why can’t i #just fucking focus on that?!!?!?!?? and i’m dysphoric as shit it’s half of what’s wrong with me right now. maybe t will just fucking fix me #but what the fuck. what the fuck. i dont know. all of a sudden i’m in a bad place. i just want to be okay.#i hope everyone is well and i’m sorry for venting. i would almost not post this but i don’t feel real #i don’t know. sending love…. let me know if you need anything please. be well 💛#friends only #vent cw #like if read #delete later #ask to tag

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theokusgallery · 6 months

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I freaking love your au and your latest comic because MAN

I FELT THOSE LAST WORDS AND I WAS LIKE "OH FUCK"

First panel was already a bit unsettling itself - like you get it's just intimate manners as you do as a couple but he felt so possessive already and

Sunny's inner thoughts

I'm sure 100% his abandonment anxiety will increase drastically the more he stays with nick and honestly slay

I mean it's kinda obvious

But like I felt that

Yeah

Nick is unhinged

Nick is crazy

Y'all are gay for him

Good 😵💥

Sunny has soooo many issues. So many of them. He's so vulnerable and he makes himself vulnerable to Nick while still being intimidated by him, it's... Dude's got some problems.

#ive talked about mental illness and nick before but not sunny...#well. only a bit. ive said sunny's autistic #but he's also got other problems-- such as abandonment issues as you said #sunny's very insecure in relationships - partly because he has a very limited experience with them #and partly because he has self image issues.#when you grow up as an undiagnosed autistic kid you tend to be very aware you're different while not knowing how to change it #everyone thinks and says you're weird but you have no idea what's weird about you so you can't even try to fit in #a friend of mine told me once that she thought i was so brave for not being scared of being different in middle school #i wasn't. i wasn't brave. i just had no idea why people thought i was weird #sunny in this au knows how deeply different he is from other people but he doesn't know /what/ makes him different or how to change it #and as a result he just doesn't open up very much. he's very reserved and doesnt talk to many people. he has like two friends total #which also conviently makes him easy for nick to isolate #sunny also has bpd! and he gets deeply attached to people who show him any kind of affection very easily #as i mentioned before he also tends to fall for people who intimidate or scare him -- people he sees as mentally superior to him #his self image is constantly oscilliating between 'im the greatest person to have ever lived' and 'im the worst thing to have ever existed'#he's extremely unstable. he has mood swings. he gets obsessive easily. he seeks out relationships with mostly toxic or older people #he doesn't have a good support system. he's socially anxious and an introvert. he's openly trans. most people think he's weird.#he has no stable sense of self. he has panic attacks. he's both hypervigilant and oblivious to lies and attempts at manipulation #all of this makes him a very easy target for someone like nick.#at least- at /least/-- nick genuinely loves him.#ask #tosteur-gluteal #rant #arsenic #i start talking about psychology and i get lost. my apologies

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turtlemurmurs · 1 year

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Devil’s Trill Sonata

#why yes I HAVE gotten attached to a new texture brush thank you for noticing! it makes nice looking backgrounds in my opinion #anywaay! oc art yay! <3 #art #my art #my ocs #oc art #originals #original character #violin #oc: meredith #digital art #2023 #turtlemurmurs #also to be perfectly frank I had no idea how to caption this. so I just put a song I associate with her #I always feel anxious posting my music tastes because I don't know if it's overused or cliche but meh my anxiety can fuck off

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itspileofgoodthings · 1 year

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the answer to the question of why I am this way is very often anxiety

#I know it’s not my personality etc. etc. but truly never been able to so clearly see how much anxiety I have #until this year!#my very matter of fact counselor: your base line level of anxiety is very high #me: surprised pikachu face #anyway it’s kind of helpful to just see how it has exacerbated so many things over the years that I used to just think …. Was me #and like. It IS. But it’s also a bent/slant/wiring to my make-up that is separate from me #so it just makes sense. like yes I am sensitive and I hate when people say mean things about things I love #but the panic I feel when people don’t agree or word something harshly???? that has manifested physically in me for my entire freaking life #that’s not because of how deep my attachment to it is or some weird psychological reason bound up in the wording of the hurtful phrase #or in the thing I loved itself #Like I used to think it was #It’s just …. anxiety #i don’t have to intellectualize all of it. some things are just triggers and it sets things in motion #it’s hard to know what the triggers are and it’s also funny to reflect on what can be #because I am a very specific fiercely attached funny little bean with a very definite history that has shaped me #but just trying to plumb the depths of every situation that has ever hurt me to try to find some deep truth about why I’m hurt #And what reality I’ve touched on that is causing me pain #It just isn’t what’s happening. It’s pretty simple #I honestly had this breakthrough once about Taylor and why taylor criticism made me anxious #Like I just always externalized all of it in that i would be like it hurts me because of the way taylor is or something #but there was this one moment where it was like it’s upsetting you because of you #But then I put it away and went back to analyzing the world and her externally lol #Anyway it’s going to be a journey! But it does feel pretty big that I’ve been able to reach it here #Also it’s so weird because it’s like shouldn’t I have known earlier? Shouldn’t other people have known earlier? And many DID #but also. I don’t always display it well #I make eye contact! I smile! I speak confidently!!!#And actually a lot of people are like ‘she’s fine she can handle this’ and it’s like I can’t I will DIE #I was talking to Maria the other day about this and she pointed it out to me.#I don’t look vulnerable and I don’t look like you can hurt my feelings by being like ‘I don’t really care for Kylo Ren’#But you CAN and yes that’s the deep love but it’s also the anxiety! I think it’ll just be learning to balance those things in me. Not erase

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vizthedatum · 8 months

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I guess if I could say one last thing to that person, knowing we may never speak again and that my behavior was definitely lacking, is that: I’m really glad to have loved you so much, and while I didn’t intend for that to happen nor was that the intention of our interactions at all, that feeling meant everything to me. You helped me be brave and to remember.

#I think they helped me fall in love with myself again #and they didn’t even have to do anything except be themselves for me to feel that way #I could have handled it better #anxious attachment #and it’s okay even if it wasn’t reciprocated #healing #love #queer #not a surprising modern love story I suppose #I am going to stop feeling ashamed by it #neurodivergence #ptsd #heartbreak #heart repair?#the closure I can get is just from myself in this knowing

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needylittlegirl · 3 months

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put on an aquarium livestream i Need it to melt my brain

#luca ended and i Immediately had a thought that made me insanely sad #like. trying so hard not to cry right now sad #i think maybe #umm.#no i dont want to :(#sorry im having internal conflicts. On the outside #i think i should maybe cut someone off cause i just get so sad when i think about them:(#like i love talking to them but my brains really not being nice about it #im like tearing myself apart over it and then just talk to them like everythings fine #and i know i shouldnt do that to myself #its not even their fault im just #me and my anxious attachment style and extreme insecurities 💅#tbd #and my tummy hurts again

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just-a-tiny-goldfish · 3 months

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I wonder how Marcos would feel about Orellia’s unhealthy attachment to a comatose body—actually I wonder how the rangers will react to sidestep and puppet in general

#cause his attachment to puppet is like—nothing #but Orellia would NOT have taken well to being stuck in puppet state least Marcos is chill if a little anxious about it #marcos: they sell stuffed animals you know 🥲 big ones you can hug and hol—#oro: this one has a heartbeat and it’s warm though 🙂#I just feel like the creepy implications of towing a body around are like—forgotten sometimes…#and Marcos ain’t off the hook—you still towed a body around town bby no matter how respectful you think you were with it

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dormroomwindow · 2 years

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eduardo saverin did nothing wrong he just has rejection sensitive dysphoria

#he also has an anxious attachment style but we don’t have to get into all that #eduardo saverin #wardo #tsn #the social network #as always this post is for tsn wardo and has nothing to do with irl saverin #he has adhd i know bc he told me himself

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