#it’s hard to know what the triggers are and it’s also funny to reflect on what can be

[itspileofgoodthings]

the answer to the question of why I am this way is very often anxiety

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

(GFL Short Fic) "Holding out for a T-Doll"

Alternative title: "Local Woman Too Angry To Die"

On an infiltration mission to the inner cities, AK-15's S/O has been kidnapped due to their relation with Griffin and Kruger.

Unfortunately for the kidnappers, Task Force DEFY has a tracker on every member of the squad, and they do not take kindly to anyone attacking their own. Post-edit note: SURPRISE SONG FIC!...People still do these, right? This feels super corny but also kinda funny. It's like writing a 90's action flick. Word Count: 2.3K

AK-12's eyes scanned the building, her glowing pink irises subtly changing colors every few seconds.

AK-15, RPK-16, and AN-94 said nothing as they watched from on top of a skyscraper, looking downward at the warehouse.

(AK-12) "Confirmed. I'm reading S/O's tracker in there."

(AK-15) "Threat assessment?"

(AK-12) "Humans. Doesn't look to be affiliated with Sangvis, or any of the protesters in the city. Might just be human traffickers."

(AN-94) "Our orders were not to cause a scene-"

(RPK-16) "Kind of hard to do when AK-15's beloved is taken, is it not?"

AK-15 just crossed her arms, making no visual recognition of the teasing.

(AK-15) "This is not a matter of relations. S/O is simply a comrade in arms, and a vital source of information on the inner workings of Griffin. If they were to be sold to Sangvis, it could have dire consequences."

(AK-12) "I'm sure that's the entire reason."

AK-15 glared daggers at 12, who simply just shrugged while keeping her smug smile.

(AK-12) "Regardless, I agree. You'll be happy to know I'm ordering that we're going loud, given our primary mission was already accomplished before this whole ordeal happened."

(AN-94) "Our orders?"

(AK-12) "94, get us a ride out of the city and call for the Commander. We're going home after this. Had enough of this place, anyway."

AN-94 nodded and moved downstairs. AK-12 turned to RPK-16.

(AK-12) "I want you to provide cover fire and a distraction to catch their attention. We'll signal when we're all ready, and commence the rescue on your signal. AK-15, you'll be our vanguard to save S/O. I'll move in the shadows to secure your escape in case they get any funny ideas. I also didn't scan anything that could be a significant threat other than a few low grade explosives."

(AK-15) "Understood."

AK-15's ponytail flowed in the wind, stomping towards the stairs and her scowl growing angrier by the second, quickly followed by the other two members of DEFY.

...

S/O remained tied up in the chair with a piece of cloth crudely fastened over their mouth. The two men in the room spat on the ground looking at them and left.

(Guard 1) "Why the hell aren't we just killing them, they're part of a fuckin PMC with those tin cans!"

(Guard 2) "Apparently boss said we can get some money if we talk to the right people. Let's just-"

The intercom suddenly came alive in the warehouse, making the two men grab their weapons.

(Guard 2) "The hell?!"

The intercom began blasting music at such a high volume that it made them recoil. It was quickly accompanied by several men shouting and rushing throughout the warehouse with their weapons at the ready.

The two went towards the main lobby that had crates and all sorts of construction equipment scattered, everyone taking positions. One of the guards stood near the door where the intercom system, trying to turn the music off.

(Guard) "Turn that fucking thing off already!"

(Guard) "I-I can't! Things not-"

A fist suddenly came through the wall and intercom, grabbing the guard's face and violently dragged him away as he screamed, startling everyone and making them aim their weapons at the rubble.

Before anyone could get a sense of what was happening, the same body burst through the rubble, a massive, angry looking woman dressed in black with a long white ponytail emerged, her light purple eyes glowing.

A panicked guard pulled the trigger once, a single gunshot reflecting off her shoulder, and all she did was give them a glare, scaring the absolute hell out of everyone further.

AK-15 dove behind a crate as gunfire rained down all around her. Trying to analyze the area, she then recognized what song was playing over the intercom.

"Where have all the good men gone And where are all the gods?

(AK-15) "...Seriously?"

"Where's the streetwise Hercules To fight the rising odds?"

An exacerbated sigh left AK-15's mouth before she refocused her attention, reloading the pistol the guard she killed had. Some of the guards had moved to flank her while her position was suppressed, which she immediately turned to shoot.

"Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed "

She pulled the trigger three times, each one entering the head of S/O's kidnappers, and AK-15 snuck around the corner they had entered.

"Late at night, I toss and I turn And I dream of what I need"

She stopped right at the end of the crates as the gunfire followed her position. Without warning, a hail of bullets tore through the upper windows, hitting every one of the guards trying to pin her down. AK-15 grunted in thanks, which RPK spoke up.

(RPK-16's Voice) "Coming from the door on your left."

"I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night"

AK-15 saw the door swing wide open, and before the men inside could open fire, she kicked the forklift towards them. The machine skidded across the floor and slammed right into the doorframe.

"He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast And he's gotta be fresh from the fight"

Wasting no time, she sprinted up the stairs as more guards came from below, all attempting to shoot her.

She didn't bother to fire back as she dodged the oncoming bullets, knowing that with every second passing, S/O might be in more danger.

"I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light"

The door she was about to enter had another group exit, one that noticed her approach far too late. She grabbed one of them by the collar and effortlessly tossed them over the railing before punching the next one in her way.

(AK-15) "Get out of my way."

"He's gotta be sure, and it's gotta be soon And he's gotta be larger than life Larger than life"

One of the guards managed to open fire, she was far too close to escape, and the bullet tore into her chest. Even though she felt some amount of pain, she clenched her teeth in ever increasing anger, grabbed the arm holding the gun and snapped it like a toothpick.

With a vicious headbutt, she completely knocked them out and more than likely broke their nose and some of their teeth.

"Somewhere after midnight In my wildest fantasy"

Hearing the fight happening outside, S/O tried to get out of their restraints until a guard ran into the room. The guard immediately had their weapon pulled out and wrapped their arm around S/O's neck, backing away in fear from the door.

"Somewhere, just beyond my reach There's someone reaching back for me"

AK-15 disposed of another group that tried to engage her in close quarters and failed.

Finishing off the last one in the hallway with a bullet to their chest, she felt her head budge towards the wall, accompanied by a metallic clang.

"Racing on the thunder And rising with the heat"

Turning towards the source, one of the guards had gotten up and stared in horror at the metal pipe that was now completely bent in their hands.

"It's gonna take a Superman to sweep me off my feet"

She grabbed the pipe from them and slammed it against their head, the pipe shattering completely as she found S/O's signature, right behind the door with another guard, using them as a shield.

"I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night"

S/O and the guard saw the outline of a massive figure standing outside the door, making the guard panic even more.

(Guard) "C-COME IN, AND I'LL PULL THE TRIGGER!"

"He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast And he's gotta be fresh from the fight"

The door flew off the hinges and almost slam into the both of them, the guard diving out the way and aiming for S/O. AK-15 rushed in and immediately got in front of S/O, with her back tanking an onslaught of bullets that opened fire.

S/O looked horrified, more for AK-15 than themselves. She clenched her teeth making sure not to move until the only noise was clicking.

"I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light"

AK-15 spun around and was prepared to mutilate S/O's attacker before AK-12 leapt down from the vent, on top of the guard and knocking him out.

Her pink eyes glowed in the darkness, addressing them coldly, devoid of her usual emotions.

"He's gotta be sure, and it's gotta be soon And he's gotta be larger than life"

(AK-12) "Everyone blocking your escape is dead. Proceed."

AK-15 nodded and ripped off the restraints on S/O, being a bit more gentle when it came to their mouth.

(S/O) "T-Thank you!"

(AK-15) "Do not thank us yet. We have yet to escape."

(S/O) "Right...By the way, what's with this music?"

(AK-15) "I do not know, I just wish we could've used a less annoying distraction."

(S/O) "If it's annoying you, then it must be annoying the enemy, right?"

AK-15 made a noncommittal grunt before they moved to escape.

"Up where the mountains meet the heavens above Out where the lightning splits the sea I could swear there is someone, somewhere watching me"

AK-15, S/O, and AK-12 ran out the room and down the hallway, kicking open the door they found an empty parking lot. They stood on catwalk that was dozens of feet above the ground.

And without waiting, AK-15 carried S/O bridal style and leapt off with AK-12, making them scream in surprise.

"Through the wind and the chill and the rain And the storm and the flood"

As soon as they landed, several of the guards burst out from the door across from them and tossed grenades at the three.

I can feel his approach like a fire in my blood

AK-15 dropped S/O before grabbing a nearby dumpster, dragging it across the ground and slammed it in front of them, right as the explosions went off.

AK-12 covered S/O as debris ran down, tearing apart their already dirty and battered suits.

(Like a fire in my blood, like a fire in my blood Like a fire in my blood, like a fire in my blood, blood)

Before the guards could do anything else, they dove for the concrete when a wild barrage of bullets almost took their heads off, firing wildly across the wall.

I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night

RPK-16 continued to lay down suppressive fire as AN-94 sped into the parking lot, slamming on the brakes and kicking open the door towards the side her comrades were on.

"He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast And he's gotta be fresh from the fight"

Not needing to say anything else, AK-15 picked up S/O like a suit case and threw them into the back seat, quickly joining as AK-12 closed the door behind them.

As the bullets flew through the windows, AK-15 held S/O tightly to shield them from any potential stray shot.

"I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light"

AN-94 put the pedal to the metal, quickly escaping the warehouse and dodging oncoming traffic and onto the main road so they could not get tailed.

Once they were out of harm's way, S/O took a deep breath as AK-15 released her grip on them.

"He's gotta be sure, and it's gotta be-"

(AK-15) "Turn that off already."

AK-12's pink irses flashed gray before she closed her eyes, the music in the car being shut off. As soon as her eyes closed, her signature smile came back.

RPK-16 rolled up her windows as she turned the safety on her machine gun.

(RPK-16) "I thought the song was quite fitting, honestly."

(S/O) "That was intentional?"

(AK-12) "It was. Clearly it was worth it, seeing how you're in the car with us now."

S/O looked worried at how damaged everyone was. AK-15's suit was almost threads, with the amount of bullets that either flew off her, or entered.

AK-12 and RPK-16 did not fare any better, and even AN-94 had parts of her blue suit scorched with black marks.

(S/O) "I'm...I'm so sorry, everyone. One second I was inside my room, and the next-"

(AK-15) "The fault is mine. You were supposed to be under my watch and-"

(RPK-16) "I don't think it particularly matters whose fault it is. After all, we're still breathing, aren't we?"

(AN-94) "Affirmative. Our damage is superficial. Yours is not."

(S/O) "...I guess I can at the very least say, thank you."

(AK-12) "Hm.~ Apology accepted. Besides, if we let even one of those men lay a finger on you, 15 would've torn us to shreds."

(AK-15) "Please, shut up already."

S/O laid a hand on her back and felt a piece of metal slightly out of place, making them recoil. Sighing, AK-15 grabbed their hand.

(AK-15) "I will be fine. I am entering sleep mode for the duration of the drive."

S/O nodded and moved to give her space before realizing AK-15's grip was not budging. She wanted their hand there. Slightly blushing at that, they rested onto her as well, both of them sleeping.

(AN-94) "A Griffin Black Hawk will be picking us up as soon as we reach the destination."

(AK-12) "Which is how long?"

(AN-94) "Four hours."

(AK-12) "Make it three. I already feel like I'm intruding on their love nest just sensing them."

(AN-94) "Understood."

(RPK-16) "...That song sure is interesting. Music in general is quite fascinating, given how humans normally are-"

AK-15's eyes opened and glanced over to RPK-16.

(AK-15) "Do not start singing it."

RPK just smiled and looked out the window as AK-12 scooched away from S/O and AK-15.

The duration of their escape was a quiet but surprisingly comfortable one. DEFY's mission was successful, and they were leaving with every member accounted for.

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

I watched ATSV again in theaters and noticed some interesting things:

Gwen's dad at the beginning wears a Vision Academy sweater. Not only that, he's in the gymnastics group. This means that Vision not only exists on Earth-65, George has entered it. Maybe it explains how Gwen knew how to blend in so well. And that she chose to take ballet lessons because of her father.

When Miguel's universe was falling apart, not only he but Peter B. and other spiders were there. It gives extra weight to the whole Society thing. It's not just a sad story a random guy told, it was a catastrophe witnessed by several of them. I don't blame them for believing so much.

Peter and Gwen have known each other since they were 4, assuming she's 16 and George's speech after his death says he's known Peter for 12 years.

A spider person having their Sense Triggered when someone they love is not themselves in danger is not new. Miles felt his father falling at the beginning of the film. Pav felt Gayatri on the bus. But what is abysmal is that Gwen's felt between dimensions. In all other cases, they were from people present in the same space and dimension. So that says a lot only about the love she feels for Miles (and also about her spider sense.)

Oh these are interesting!

I actually notice that shirt on my last viewing! I cannot believe it took me this long to realize.

Funnily enough, my first thought when I saw this is that Gwen was Vision's and this was a shirt in support of her. But considering how faded this looks, your explanation makes more sense since I really doubt Visions Academy has lower classes than middle school.

Though not gonna lie, I found funny the idea that the visions in Gwen's world may be just another run-of-the-mill school, just to appear in Miles's world and be like "why did he get the nice version?"

May keep that hc regardless.

Oh I knew Peter was there from the first viewing, what I didn't realize was about the different spiders!

Let's see who he can spot.

Julia Carpenter is here! I am not really familiar with her character (I don't read comics, for now at least,) but hey, nice to see they are bringing some classics.

I'm going to assume this is Peter B, but I don't think anyone can blame me for mixing this one up if it isn't the case.

Cowboy Spidey is here!

This one we are going to wait for the HD version of this movie because I had a hard time finding a frame where I could kind of see them let alone be clear who they are.

I still need to finish that analysis, but honestly the organization as a whole works in some ways that upon reflection, not only I am not surprised they believe it, I'm more than anything horrified how no one realized how nuts the place was getting.

Good eye! I haven't noticed this one myself, and again, I had seen this movie several times. In my defense, sometimes the audio is hard to catch and I had issues catching stuff at it is. I really need to get a good version of this movie with subtitles.

But this is cool! It really goes to show how important was Peter for Gwen, they really had known each other since forever and I can't imagine not just how much it hurt Gwen losing Peter, but her needing to get used to reality of not having around after doing so for so much of her life.

Goddammit when I thought Peter and Gwen's tragedy couldn't get worse-

This one y'all know how I feel, and if you don't, here.

I still hope we get a more in depth explanation, though I wouldn't be surprised if we don't. Regardless, is undeniable how much Miles matters to Gwen, and viceversa.

Thanks for telling me this!

[thoughtfulchaos773]

Sydney & Carmy-Certain Of Nothing-

I'm still inspired by this thread on Syd and Carmy's(yet to be revealed) shoulder tattoos.

I know Carmy's tattoo is inspired by Anthony Bourdain's certain-of-nothing. The CON inside of the snake- and this is so fitting for what Carmy and Syd experience in their everyday lives.

I'll leave the interview of Anthony Bourdain getting the tattoo here. But I'll also leave a quote as he discusses the meaning of the tattoo.

"Epoche: I suspend judgment. I hold back; it conquers all enemies, it undoes them so they disintegrate into atoms before your eye," Anthony reads from his iPad. He adds more commentary,

"Basically, if you live according to this notion of epoche- uncertainty, you reach ataraxia, which is to be unperturbed, happy in your life"

There's more info on the state of ataraxia here-

Carmy's tattoo- The Snake and The Rope

I experienced a small sense of dread today and decided to do some meditation. I reached a state of ataraxia halfway through it? Now that I can reflect, I can see another reason why I love the Bear and it's fun, cool theories.

Today, I take lessons in Carmy and Syd's need to live in the past or future - the lessons of anxiety. But what does this mean with judgment and uncertainty? Typically that sense of dread is worrying about the future- something that's so uncertain. It's hard to understand the notion that it does not exist- this is like the snake & rope analogy from Indian philosophy- in a nutshell.

"Our perception of reality can be clouded by darkness, which is ignorance of reality. This ignorance sometimes manifests as rapid judgment or fear, and we react solely based on senses or emotions... Expecting the worst is seeing the snake." -link

Carmy always sees a snake instead of the rope. He sees the worst in things, and dreads the future, and that could be one of the triggers for his panic attacks.

Carmy's panic attacks in 2x09 and 2x10 showed that he dwells in the past and the future(Claire). We see he reaches this state of ataraxia when he thinks of Sydney- he lets go of judgment of what was before or what could be after and focuses on what is now- which is Sydney being in his life. It does not matter if he or she may stay or leave- what matters is that she's bringing him peace because he's free of judging his thoughts.

I tend to go over Carmy's feelings for Sydney a lot, but Sydney feels the same thing for Carmy, and he returns the favor in Sydney staying present.

Sydney- Future Perfect.

There was an interview with Ayo, and she mentions a conversation she had with Storer on worrying about the future, and she has a hard time staying present; it's funny that the song for her character in 2x03 sings-"Don't Live in the Future, tell me your story."

To me, this song represents getting out of our heads and being vulnerable with someone- telling them our past and future- our story- our worries, and being free from the fear of being judged. Instead of worrying about a past and future filled with heartbreak- we can use our past as a way to connect rather than staying in pain and avoiding it- tell me your story.

Wasn't this something Carmy was trying to do in 2x02 Pasta? He asked her questions about her dad, and he was on the verge of hearing about her mother. But Sydney dodges the question until it hits her again in 2x09 Omelette- though she's clearly dismissive of Carmy's compassion- she still opens herself up to her biggest fear- vulnerability and heartbreak.

Sydney avoids talking about past heartbreaks because she fears it's going to come back- the failure of business- death. She's waiting for the other shoe to drop. In spite of that dread- Sydney still expresses her need for Carmy because he helps her feel in the moment. Carmy gets closer to opening Sydney's heart completely, and she's no longer dwelling on the uncertainty of the future; instead, her fears are a source to connect with Carmy- he pulls the swords from her heart and helps mend it so she can be vulnerable and open to life's possibilities. Carmy teaches Syd to be present in the healing, he teaches Sydney patience and to no longer rush in making up for the past that's no longer there.

But like Carmy, at times, Sydney is not ready to embrace and let go of what was before or what's after, but for a moment, we see she experiences that state of ataraxia with Carmy in the 2x09 Omelette. Sydney tells her dad she doesn't know if she can take another one (dread of possible heartbreak in the future). Another way to confront that dread is to live in the moment and expose herself to her fears. Sydney avoids doing this with her dad, but with Carmy, she sits with the feeling and nervousness of failing, and such vulnerability brings her closer to Carmy.

So the tattoos could represent Syd and Carmy always looking over their shoulder, dreading what the future entails. The fear of uncertainty. Of life itself.

But if Carmy and Syd stick together - living in the - they experience ataraxia and live fully. Because nothing is certain - not even heartbreak, even though it's always over our shoulders and could be a possibility. It's a rule I can take in life - Submit to the uncertainty - submit to the person who opens you up to the feeling of being present. Submit to that someone who makes you feel ataraxia.

If that's not the most beautiful love story- I don't know what is- really, I don't, for I'm certain of nothing.

[goodwriterwithbadhabits]

Ateez Playlist: Offstage

AKA: Songs that remind me of the members and why. (GIF Credit to the original owners!) Minor Trigger Warning, this post talks about some of the darker sides of mental health, so please read with caution. 

Ateez are super different on versus offstage, so I’m splitting up their two personalities in separate posts. 

Onstage Version Here. Master List

~~

Seonghwa: Save Myself- Ed Sheeran

This song is all about a person who has spent their whole life helping others and not getting anything in return. Its a lament to hurting oneself in order to help others. Seonghwa is nurturing, to the point where he’s considered the mom of Ateez, but there are times you can tell he’s the one in need of a hug. Save Myself feels like the kind of song he would want to sing, but not have the heart to admit that he too needs a little help. 

Hongjoong: Castle of Glass- Linkin Park

So, I personally think Linkin Park and Hongjoong go perfectly together, and not just because of his awesome cover and the fact that he sometimes dresses like a 2013 emo kid. Castle of Glass is strange, both in its lyrics and its melody. Its an almost haunting song, about the singer(s) not being perceived as a meaningful thing, and their desperation to be helped, hidden behind a melody that draws you in. Hongjoong is the same way for me, someone who seeks help and to change the world, but would never say it out loud. 

Yunho: Falling- Harry Styles

Falling comes at the end of the relationship, when the singer is lamenting not only the failed relationship, but also the person they’ve become. Yunho strikes me as someone who is very self-reflective and would be able to acknowledge his own faults and failings. The singer’s voice is also so full of raw emotion, it feels like he’s baring his soul, something that feels very Yunho. 

Yeosang: Achillies Come Down- Gang of Youths

I’ll be honest, I had such a hard time with Yeosang, but I settled on this song because of one main thing: this song is not about Achillies. Yes, technically it is, but its moreso about Patroclus’ love of Achillies and him continuing to fight Achillies demons, even after death. It’s that aspect that reminds me of Yeosang, a lover who would help you face your demons, and remind you of the promises you made. He does remind me of Achillies as well, a good man with too many monsters to fight, but the mysterious, ghostly tenor of Patroclus is what makes this song Yeosang’s. 

San: Begging- Maneskin

Not gonna lie, the first word that comes to mind when I think of San is Horny. And when you first listen to Beggin, it just sounds horny, but if you read the lyrics, its actually a rather interesting song. The singer is begging for the subject not to leave, to continue to love them. They explain how their lover has made them change into a better person. Its actually really raw and emotional. San is similar. While he’s known for being a phenomenally hot guy, he’s still a gentle soul, someone searching for that person who makes him better. 

Mingi: Iris- Goo Goo Dolls

This song is so fucking sad, but if you listen to the lyrics, you find that its a song about someone who finds a person that makes them want to show off their flaws, knowing that the rest of the world would never understand. Mingi is, on the outside, a very brilliant light. He’s cheerful and funny but we know that deep down he’s not always okay. He has this profound air of sadness around him, and I feel like Iris would be a song he could at least relate to. 

Wooyoung: What a Shame- Layla Blue

What a Shame is such a cocky song. There’s really no other way to describe it. The point of the song is pointing out that the ex definitely downgraded, and that is such a Wooyoung mood. On the other hand, Wooyoung also feels like he could be the recipient of the song, the person the singer is chiding. His degradation thing is blatant, so a song degrading him just feels correct. 

Jongho: Kryptonite- 3 Doors Down

Jongho is known for his strength, for being the quiet kid, but people seem to forget, he’s only 22. He’s actually about 6 months younger than me. Kryptonite is a song I feel like he would sing, or at least send to his friends. It asks the listener if they would still be around if the singers strength failed them, and baby Jongho might need to confirm that everyone would be. 

What do you think? Do you agree or do you have songs that remind you of the members? Let me know in the comments and stay tuned for the onstage version coming soon. 

[triforce-of-mischief]

if you want to, feel free to talk more about trust fall and poor unfortunate souls 👍 id love to hear more of your thoughts :)

sorry for taking a few days, i forgot the original question by now (if there was one) so we’re doing a mini director’s cut ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Poor Unfourtunate Souls:

“You know, nothing you can do to me will make me talk,” the vet drawled, hiding apprehension under snark.

look. look. opening a scene where legend is snarky at first, but we all know it’s a front and then it crumbles so fast- that makes me go feral, I will never get tired of writing it.

Legend scowled, thinking hard about what would be safe to say without being an obvious lie. “One has a huge, ferocious wolf that follows him around everywhere. Could maul you in a heartbeat, but obeys every command from him. Another hates mirrors. Show him his reflection and he’ll be depressed for a week. Oh, and one guy? Pillows, blankets, anything soft and cuddly.”

just one of those little things i was so proud of thinking of :) it’s so fun to write hints that the readers but not the characters will understand.

“You want the truth?” Legend asked, and the blademaster inclined his head. “I don’t know. I’ve been locked up in here for ages, they could be anywhere by now.”

that moment when he realizes that he’s not getting anywhere by being funny and he takes the risk of telling the truth but it’s not enough-

Now that they finally, finally, had a safe and quiet moment, Legend took the time to actually inspect Four. The smith’s breathing was ragged and wet, and Legend prayed that his lungs were free of water. Liquid dribbled from Four’s mouth, nose, and eyes; water and bodily fluids combining into one sticky mess. The tips of his hair were damp, and the feather which usually swayed from his ear was now heavy and still. His broken wrist was clutched to his chest with his other hand to reduce agitation.

if i knew how to render i would draw this in a heartbeat. gonna go cry over the poor thing instead :(

Four’s eyes were wide, swirling with blue and red, but then he narrowed them and nodded determinedly.

foreshadowing for the eventual sequel!! right now vio and green are in shock so the most emotional colors are stuck in the front. red is still terrified and blue is too, but the latter is trying his hardest to direct his anger at the yiga instead of focusing on their own feelings.

Four’s mouth opened in a silent scream, lungs too weak to produce anything but a high, wispy whine.

there's definitely going to be some lasting physical effects too, he just practically drowned three times for goddess' sake.

****

Trust Fall:

starting with the title this time since i already talked about the other one! this was a stand-in title that i immediately fell in love with. it represents the actual trust fall that legend shares with warriors, letting him administer the sedative. it also makes me think about how close legend was to falling (unconscious), without being able to rely on trust. if warriors hadn’t gotten there just in time, this would be a very different story.

They held him in place as he watched the remaining medic draw up a sedative in… in a…

this isn’t the only time this happens; I try to show how even thinking certain words is a big trigger for legend. even in his own mind, he can’t bring himself to fully acknowledge what’s happening.

He knew that it was worse to look but he couldn’t make himself look away and Warriors would tell him to stop but Legend was alone and scared and-

here’s a writing tip! run-on sentences are very good for when you want to portray that your character is spiraling into a panic. shorter sentences work for a character who can barely think because their panic is more of the hyperventilating kind.

Then the captain spoke, and Legend realized that he was furious. His tone cold and commanding as he ordered the other soldiers to “Release him. Now.” “B-but sir,” the soldier on Legend’s right said, “He’s highly dangerous and violent.” “So am I,” Warriors hissed. “Hands. Off.”

*obligatory pause for the screaming fangirls*

He let out a ragged sob, and let Warriors pull him into a loose embrace.

in hanging by a thread, warriors asked hyrule to hold legend because hyrule is more comfortable with touch. warriors is able and willing to provide physical comfort if there's no other option, and he doesn't hesitate for a moment this time. anything to help his brother feel safe.

While Legend did that, Warriors looked over his shoulder at the confused medic. “Put that away,” he whispered, nodding at the syringe in their hand. [...] Legend heard a few soft clicks as they capped the needle and hid the syringe in a drawer.

this is the first time that legend actually acknowledges the fact that the medic is wielding a syringe. warriors' presence helps him face his fears even the tiniest bit.

He could do this. He was still injured for goddess’ sake.

fun fact i spent so long trying to figure out what injury he should have before deciding that it isn't plot-relevant enough to bother wasting my time on it.

If Warriors asked if he was ready, Legend didn’t think that he would say yes. Warriors gently loosened Legend’s hands and held them in his own. “Come with me,” he said, pulling Legend up to stand with him.

warriors knows. he knows that asking would make things worse, so he just takes things into his own hands. he's exactly who legend needs right now.

Legend heard the rustle of fabric as Warriors awkwardly unclipped his scarf. He fumbled to undo the clasp with only one hand; the other was holding something.

we're back to treating the syringe as an unspoken thing... legend's fear has returned in full force and not even warriors can comfort him enough.

“I’ll be fast. Just a few moments, then you can rest.” The cadence of Warriors’ voice was steady, almost unnaturally so.

this isn't easy for warriors either. he hates that he has to do this again, but he can't let legend know that. maybe i'll mess around with a warriors pov someday...

[neptune-ian]

Why do I keep having nightmares? And not just any type but specifically violence, gore, killing, earthquakes, etc. really creepy stuff I have phobias of? I get triggered seeing these things in real life. I keep having triggering dreams and they affect my mental health so badly. Why is that? I also have Chiron in the 12th house, is that related?

Hi!

! First, I would recommend you to seek a professional because if it has an impact on your mental health it is NO BUENO AT ALL.

My opinion would not be as valid as a professional (mark my words!) but if you really want some « « useful » » insights it could be a high amount of stress/anxiety… and maybe a beginning of depression as it impacts your mental health. It could be triggered because of repressed fears/emotions and not being able to express them healthily. Maybe you went through a « « small » » or « « unseen » » « traumatic » period [again] unconsciously but your brain felt it, saw and knew about it hence why you have those nightmares.

However I am not very knowledgeable on astrology and even though sometimes it’s funny to read about it I have a hard time trusting it that much. But from what I know 12th = fears, hidden, hidden enemies, spirits, dreams, unconscious, unknown, unseen, unconsciously repressed etc… and chiron is wounds, healing/unhealing, sadness, struggles, etc right? Well it matches my interpretation but just because you have chiron in here doesn’t mean that you are « doomed » to live those type of experiences very often but that you will struggle with it and won’t be able to understand why/how.

So I would suggest you to seek a mental health professional because they know better and not a religious person (with all the due respect I have for any religious people and religions… sometimes they can’t see mental health as it is and call it for bad spirits).

Take care 💙

If you can’t afford professional help then maybe seek a trustworthy religious figure. If you ever had to pay for whatever just to find help don’t panic! Breath, keep calm and try to reflect on your life situation and name everything that went bad for you. Write it down and try to find a sense out of it with your dreams. For instance : you felt so bad after a failure // in your dream you saw a murderer killing someone = it might be that because of the failure you are so disappointed that you would want to end something… (whatever that is).

[thisdreamplace]

Hi dream :) It’s 😵‍💫 anon.

The last few days have been tough, but somehow I feel better. Things feel ok, but there are some big changes I need to happen. I’m honestly a little scared because I’m not sure it’s even possible, but I don’t want to give up on it.

I have also discovered the roots to all of my problems. Like why I get triggered, why I speak or react a certain way, and even my coping. I know my previous anon messages seemed like I was on the right track….but I don’t think I was. I was doing what I used to do with the law, force feed positive thinking. Eventually I spiraled a day or 2 ago. But don’t get me wrong, I still learned from that as well. I depend on other people so much when it comes to the law that I don’t know how to function without checking blogs or just living. I say I have this mindset to keep going regardless but I don’t think I’m going forward as I truly should :( I’m moving, but I still feel so low. I move as if I am already defeated, but I have hope that maybe I can live this life I’ve dreamed of. That’s why I eventually fall every-time. I’ve just been so honest with myself.

One of the craziest things is, I see the negativity I hold inside reflected in my outside world. I’m not confident in my driving skills, and so people are scared to drive with me (this initially pissed me off so bad but then I thought, are they wrong tho? Look at what you think about your skills as well.). I get so snappy and down when certain people come around because I expect them to do something I don’t like (I have a negative perception for some people), and so other people have a negative perception of me. And you know what’s funny? There’s a person in my life who doesn’t believe in me, but they still force positive reinforcement when they don’t mean it….. but thats exactly what I do to myself. I don’t believe in anything good for me, but I still try to force positive words when I don’t mean it. I see me in everything that I don’t like. I was frustrated with it all but I started thinking “this is showing you what you should stop doing”. It’s helping me step out of this negative box I’ve built.

When it comes to Manifesting my dream reality, I’m not sure how I feel about it now. Well, I do know, but I just hate to admit it. For some reason, it’s so hard for me to step into this mindset that I am open for positive things. I’m not sure where to go from here, sadly. It feels like I’ll never be able to manifest. I don’t know why it’s so hard to believe in myself and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. I don’t think I can manifest and I guess that’s what holds me back. That’s the only thing I haven’t been able to get to the root of, why can’t I manifest my dream reality? Idk. It’s frustrating. So I’m still moving forward regardless, but it doesn’t feel good at all.

I wish I could’ve given you a positive update today, dream. I’m learning & growing, but extremely stuck at the same time. Although this is not a happy message, it still feels like a little bit of good came out of this time. I truly get what you mean when you said you can’t fool yourself. It’s about within. We cannot run away from the problem that keeps coming back.

I’m just at this point of feeling down, but also letting everything be. Idek lol.

hello again wonderful anon <3

tbh i understand you entirely, and it's a thing i have to tell myself a lot as well. but the truth is... this is where you just keep moving forward in trust. i get it, you feel you could be doing things differently or maybe you're not doing something right but. this is the patience and grace we must afford ourselves in all of this... i think a thing not talked about is how happiness doesnt come overnight. because this community is obsessed with instant results, so we don't acknowledge the fact that the difficult times may not just end in a couple days all because we found our way. these things linger, way more than even i'd like to admit. i think that though,.. the most important thing in all of that is moving forward anyway. sure you feel like something is off, but why not begin practicing some trust in yourself then, along this path ? you'll lead yourself where u need to be. but thats smth you have to allow. let go of the need to over analyze yourself.

i'm glad u noticed that reflection of yourself in your world, and thus are able to being letting go of those things that aren't helpful for you.

when it comes to the manifesting and everything, tbh, i say put it on the back burner. this is the easiest way to move forward, at least for me it has been. when i stop relating everything to manifesting, and just seriously live life in the best way i can, everything falls into place. this is because manifesting isnt actually something to figure out or effort at. it's just a natural effect of being alive. so let it be natural and forget about it. focus on these things instead, that have to do with you. for example, see if it feels easier to believe in yourself when youre not relating it to manifesting anymore, but just simply living your daily life doing the little things you need to do for you. suddenly, you may see its actually not that hard to slowly allow in more real positivity for yourself, when its not based on manifesting anything but just based on you.

this will be a cycle you have to break, slowly but surely. when you put all of your faith into the law or manifesting or whatever, it's hard because you saw it as your savior. slowly, transition to seeing how only you can save yourself and you can start right now, waiting on nothing. working with life as its presenting itself and not as you wish it was, making you feel against it.

its a process, dear 😵‍💫 anon. and the truth is you never need apologize for a more difficult ask... its part of the process and its a process i know well. i wouldnt expect you to be perfect and bursting with happiness overnight. or even in a week. instead, all i hope is that you continue to wake up and give yourself a true chance. thats what really counts, little by little. ❣️

[daylighteclipsed]

Are there any Soriku / sasunaru parallels in particular that make you lose it?

Okay there’s at least 15 that have been rattling around in my brain for months, but this post would be a mile long. So I’m gonna pick out the 7 that slapped me across the face the most upon first going from Naruto to KH. Let’s start with this one cause I sorta mentioned it not long ago:

My Riku / My Sasuke

If I had a nickel for every time a usually cheerful protagonist searching for their broody best friend who tried to kill them snapped because some slimy scientist who likes to play god spoke possessively about their best friend, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it’s happened twice.

Screenshots cannot do this justice. You have to see Sora literally bent over shaking in rage to understand why this is a remotely applicable comparison to Naruto going 4-tailed Kyuubi mode on the bridge… I hit the 10 pic limit, so iykyk… Also interesting how both boys have a demon form that’s triggered by rage, though Sora doesn’t have Rage Form yet in CoM.

The Dark Margin / The Valley of the End

Honestly, what beats finally starting to share your feelings and understand each other after so much conflict, which is meaningfully reflected by the setting — a place where two opposing but complementary forces meet and reconcile? Saying, “I love you,” without having to say it? At peace with dying because you’re finally together? Nothing. Nothing beats this. Together at the end of the world. Together at the end of this life, to walk side-by-side into the next one.

Yin and Yang, babey

Naruto and Sasuke quite literally possess the powers of Yang and Yin, respectively, to save the world. They get these sick sun and moon tattoos. Their chakras — yellow, hot, bright/purple, cold, dark — also reflect this dichotomy. Sora and Riku have the whole Symphony of Sorcery, which is very day, sky, warm/night, ground, cold — visual representations of their complementary heart songs. Their [light and darkness are] Eternal Session. The Gayblade.

What’s nice about Sora and Riku is that it’s more obvious that they work in yinyang, though. During Eternal Session, for instance, they switch between who uses light and dark abilities, whereas Naruto and Sasuke’s chakras are strictly light and dark, respectively.

Taisetsu [na hito]

“When a person has something precious to protect, that’s when they can become truly strong.” Riku and Naruto actually share this parallel — becoming strong to protect their precious people (Sora and Sasuke). This is a core aspect of their characters and respective arcs. It’s pretty self-explanatory.

But this theme applies to Sora and Sasuke, too, as the ones who first show Riku and Naruto this strength of heart — they “save” Riku and Naruto, literally and figuratively, and this is part of what drives Riku and Naruto to return the favor when it’s Sora and Sasuke in need of saving.

Additionally… Sasuke has to kill the person most precious to him to achieve ultimate power but can’t no matter how hard he tries because he loves Naruto more than anything. This is the final tie to his heart, his humanity, that he just cannot sever… Sora spends all of CoM trying to find his most precious person. His memories are completely scrambled by the end and, amidst the chaos and lies, he clings to a singular truth, the only tie he knows is real — a promise to protect his most precious person. A promise, as it would turn out, he exchanged with Riku… Naruto and Riku are the final ties to their hearts and selves. That’s what I’m saying.

Riku and Sasuke laughing

…because of Sora and Naruto :) The two’s earnest foolishness, like making a funny face or still caring about a childhood rivalry on their deathbed, breaks through Riku and Sasuke’s doom and gloom, and for the first time ever we see them laughing! Despite everything that’s happened, everything they’ve done, there are truly some things that never change and some bonds that are unbreakable… It’s unconditional love, Sora and Naruto’s stubborn refusal to treat their beloved friends any differently, that warms Riku and Sasuke’s cold hearts.

Kakkoii

A Japanese term used to describe someone as cool/handsome/good-looking… and the word both Sora and Naruto use when they let slip that Riku and Sasuke are attractive.

Sora does this when he remarks that he’s not as handsome/good-looking as Yozora (though the clothes kind of match), to which Goofy is quick to point out Yozora looks a lot like Riku. In the EN dub, Donald simply agrees — but in JP, Donald actually teases Sora, “Very good-looking, huh?”

In early Shippuden, after Sai is introduced to the team, Sakura remarks that Sai looks a lot like Sasuke. Naruto, who wants nothing to do with Sai, is quick to scoff that Sasuke is way better looking than Sai, before he realizes what he said and quickly tries to backtrack.

It’s also worth noting, in earlier concepts of Sasuke’s character introduction, Naruto’s initial reaction to Sasuke (in this case, after being saved by him) is blushing and thinking, “Sasuke kakkoii…”

“Your hearts are always in tune, so they’re free to sing.” / “I know your heart, and you know mine.”

Homoromantic quotes that more or less mean the same thing… and more or less reveal how both pairings can sense/feel each other in different worlds, dimensions, etc… things that make me crazy. The Naruto series uses chakra connections, while KH has connected hearts. Naruto/Sasuke and Sora/Riku take those connections a step further… basically giving you the series’ equivalent of soulmates.

Each relationship is also the heart of their series. They embody the themes, the messages. They are the emotional core. They are what the story is about… And that story is undeniably a love story, regardless of what kind of love you see it as. ❤️ While there are many parallels between Soriku and SNS, they are by no means the same. But I adore both relationships.

[inventors-fair]

Death-Defying: Sac Ability Runners-Up ~

Congratulations to our runners-up: @hiygamer, @nine-effing-hells, and @squeezyboi!

@hiygamer — Svogthir, Eternal Parun

Out of all the cards submitted this week, this one feels the most printable—as in, I wouldn’t have been surprised to see this in one of the Ravnican expansions, and not just because of the art choice, heh. This card’s not necessarily ‘safe’ per se, but it’s pretty much exactly what I’d expect from a decent-but-not-format-warping mythic. The return is great, and I like the fact that you have to sacrifice a nontoken creature to return Svogthir to the battlefield. It fuels the ETB as well as the future attacks. Yeah, no, this one’s definitely a draft mythic.

Is that bad? Not at all. Is someone thinking of making a commander deck with it? Sure! This card feels absolutely made to be open and loved without the intent to be impactful outside of that because it’s doing everything expected of it. It’s a nuanced feeling that you’ve captured that doesn’t make me want to pull up the best possible list for it—because that list already exists. This card fits in without demanding change warped around it. Perhaps that’s less eye-catchingly mind-bogglingly brain-meltingly out-of-this-world, but dammit, it’s GOOD.

@nine-effing-hells — Rigged to Explode

Once in a blue moon, cards make me laugh. That makes contests where I ask for something humorous to be a little harder to design for because I’m a fickle creature, but regardless. This card made me laugh! I like the Boompile feeling, and especially the goblinesque (goblinsesque?) component. It makes you force thought into your play, which is probably the hardest part about it, but secretly choosing numbers? Amazingly fun. Write it down, slip it under, and wait for something to happen.

I wonder: did you choose the feeling you wanted to capture first, or did you have a mechanical idea in mind? I can’t imagine that cards like Boompile weren’t inspiration for this sort of thing for a number of reasons. A secret number of reasons! Anyway, choosing new numbers with some sort of loop feels so fun to me, but that’s not what this card wants, and that’s okay. Playing around with a whole bunch of silly feelings at the table means that I’d love to see this in limited, but I know that it’s more Commander-oriented—or actually, Conspiracy-oriented. Can you imagine? I guess my only hard criticism is that, in Commander, it would be partially known that you’d choose a number with mana value equal to someone’s commander, which puts a target on you. Is that still funny? To me, yes.

@squeezyboi — Heltimus, Diabolical Patron 

So...wow. Okay! I’d like to point out that I didn’t notice that this guy was seven feet tall until after I chose the winners/runners, so don’t judge me. The looks in hims eyes is reflective of many things, not the least of which is the gilding of his species and the kind of Hell-kin deck you want to run with him. Obviously this card is a) begging for the limited archetype to throw down some amazing cheap ramping things with the species deck, or b) begging to be a commander. Both are good and both work!

I wonder why it’s the creature dying that causes the damage to trigger off of themselves, and not Heltimus pinging himself? If there’s a statement to be made there about art, I wouldn’t know. Do you think it could’ve also pinged off of artifacts as well for a slightly wider net? You might’ve had to tone down the stats a bit in that case, but we’re in tinker-ville and none of that matters much. The point is, tone = wonderful, card = powerful, westernly feeling = oddly reminiscent of people I know IRL? I’ve frequented a couple American west art exhibitions, and honestly, having that mood lovingly parodied/remodeled here is super resonant in a way that feels specific to me. I think I’m experiencing human connection here. Quick, ping me before I get sentimental!

There’s lots of commentary to do, so you know what? I’m gonna do that. Here we go... @abelzumi​

[ay-chuu]

heyhey! is the matching event still opened? if so i would like a matchup for twisted wonderland

i go by they/she pronouns and i usually like to wear cutesy clothing with slight macabre themes (pills, syringes, bandages all that. look up yami kawaii for more stuffs) these can vary between pastel and somewhat gothic/scene. i am also 159 cm, if that accounts to anything.

my zodiac sign is aries and i am an intj with a 4w5 enneagram. as far as general personality type stuff goes, riamu yumemi and shin sato are pretty on the mark but i suppose i'm just not as open abt me being mentally ill than riamu is considering i just mask my emotions a lot of the time.

and my hobbies consist of astronomy, music compositions, and stag beetle terrariums!

as far as my pet peeves go, i hate sudden loud noises or constantly loud noises as the latter gives me a migraine after awhile. slimy food textures and foods that trigger my gag reflex as well is a massive ick for me too. i also despise slow-paced tasks since they easily make me bored and then i get distracted to do something else

my favorites are relatively spread out, i don't consume much television or movies so it's pretty much games and music for me. i like rhythm games such as project sekai, bandori, and idolmaster and i like games that fall into the rpg genre like pokemon, omori, earthbound, yume nikki, etc. with this, i do quite enjoy visual novels too. as far as music goes, i like a lot of punk rock but sometimes i'll consume other genres (fav english song is love me dead by ludo and atm my fav jp song is shoujo rei by mikitop)

as far as musical artists go, it can vary quite a lot. my most notable ones are probably pepoyo, shinra-bansho, akatsuki records, mcr, and green day.

i am so sorry that was longer than intended, i hope you have a good day and be sure to stay hydrated! ^^

Thanks for your good wished love and i really like your style! ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ

I match you with... (っ＾▿＾)💨

VIL SCHOENHEIT

First of all, when we look at the zodiac and MBTI features, you are quite compatible. You're both Aries, so you two are stubbornly committed to your goals as possible. What I would say for INTJ and ENFJ is that you can help Vil when he has unnecessary emotional tantrums about himself and he gives you the long self-care conversations that you wish. Rather, you complement each other in terms of your needs, and that's something you both want and respect.

I see some "haters to lovers" among you, Because at first you thought Vil was needlessly selfish and different and he didn't like the way you stare at him even though you're beautiful and interesting JKLFGJKDFLGDF I think you respected him after the events of book 5 and you respected each other You started to know and love!

He likes your taste in clothes, I think he thinks it reflects the sweetness of your introverted personality. Apart from that, he likes that you care about himself, give importance to him and your commitment to life. He always feels so happy and proud when talking about your commitment to your goals together. But even if he doesn't admit it, his favorite feature about you is that you are understanding and more relaxed, making him feel at peace with himself no matter what <3

I think the problem with your relationship is that you sometimes stay away from long-term goals and he is sometimes overly obsessed. Because he wants the best for you, he wants his goals to be long-focused and you want him to relax and not be so hard on himself, which causes fights between you. But at the end of the day, because you realize that the things you fight for are the value you give yourself, you put your pride aside and make peace.

Some of the memories i imagine for you two: A long night spent together at the mall, secretly making funny faces and laughing together while choosing a meal, Renting an arcade saloon for you one night and playing arcade for you laughing together until the morning even though he normally cares about your and his sleep a lot, and "You're Slaying today too, my queen" words given to each other :D

[brightbeautifulthings]

How I Live Now by Meg Rosoff

"I guess there was a war going on somewhere in the world that night but it wasn't one that could touch us."

Year Read: 2022

Rating: 2/5

About: Fifteen-year-old Daisy goes from Manhattan to England to stay with her cousins and escape her father's dreadful new wife. The day after her aunt leaves on business, bombs are falling and the country is occupied by a mysterious foreign enemy. It takes a while for the war to reach the idyllic countryside where Daisy and her cousins spend their days without any supervision, but when it does, her life is transformed into the barest form of survival, with only one goal in mind: reunite with her newfound family. Trigger warnings: death (graphic), animal death (on-page), incest, war, explosions, guns, starvation, eating disorders (anorexia), depression, PTSD, trauma.

Thoughts: This book is so oddly written that I feel like it's either really going to appeal to someone or really not appeal to them, and unfortunately I'm on the latter end. The rating isn't a reflection of its worth, just my enjoyment of it (or lack thereof), since it's well-done, and I suspect it would be great in a classroom or for readers who struggle with longer, traditional narratives. But just about everything in this book is something I don't care for in my fiction. To begin with, I'm not fond of war or survival stories (too ubiquitous in real life, too ubiquitous in fiction, respectively). I also don't enjoy short chapters, since I feel like they pull me out of the story.

I realize that the narration is meant to sound juvenile, in contrast to the narrator's growth at the end, but it works a little too well. I felt like I was listening to a badly told story from the perspective of someone who only had the vaguest idea of what was going on, which is true-- Daisy never clarifies who the war is with or why it starts, and we're meant to believe it's because she doesn't know. In a world saturated with news and media, I find that hard to believe, but okay. Teenagers aren't as disengaged as we like to think; they're often more invested in issues than adults, but war is ultimately meaningless, yeah, yeah... While her train of thought is often funny, it's not often insightful or informative, and it's all tell and no show. I never had the sense that I was experiencing the events along with her.

I did enjoy the characters and the little bits of magical realism though. Rosoff does a nice job capturing a teenage voice with Daisy, and while she's initially quite selfish, watching her genuinely come to care for her cousins is a nice arc. I wished we'd gotten to spend more time with Edmond (without the weird sexual relationship), but I really liked Piper's sweetness and her bond with Daisy. However, I think the novel tries to take on too many issues (e.g., incest, eating disorders) without really doing justice to them which, again, I realize is intentional. The heart of this novel is basically the grim reality of survival, and everything else is less important by comparison. But, like I said, that's not something I particularly enjoy in my fiction.

[arrow-dodger]

You know when you're feeling like, a really big emotion? Like when you're right in the middle of some huge feels? You know how some people are able to understand and verbalize exactly what they're feeling in those moments?

I am not one of those people! Something I've become cognitively aware of recently is that I'm actually really bad at pinpointing my own feelings and triggers in the moment! My boyfriend is actually way better at it than I am, which is funny. (By the way, when I said nobody has ever accommodated me, he is the exception. He does all the time. I am just dramatic, as we know.) Sometimes I'm like "hey, I feel really weird right now and I'm not sure why," and my boyfriend is like "you're feeling sad because x thing happened earlier." And he's completely right, but I didn't connect those two dots myself and maybe would never have!

I think I'm really bad at this because of my childhood, and bla bla. Like, we really didn't talk about our feelings and why we were feeling them in my family, we were meant to just pretend everything was chill all the time. So I'm really emotionally unintelligent when it comes to my own self, hilariously.

And on top of that, I'm ALSO really bad at putting my feelings into words at the time I'm feeling them! This is for multiple reasons. Number one, I really do just feel things very strongly in a way that completely overwhelms me at the time. If it gets bad enough I even start dissociating completely out of my own control, which is very fun. It's hard to, you know, have cogent thoughts and form sentences when I'm in that state. It often takes me at least an hour, if not multiple hours, to calm down and reflect on like, whatever the fuck that was. This has caused unimaginable strain on my personal relationships, as you could probably assume.

The other reason I'm bad at communicating is because throughout my life I was constantly either silenced or blamed for everything. I am always thinking one step ahead before expressing myself. I think that if I was to say "I was feeling mad earlier because of x thing that happened," the person I'm talking to would somehow turn it back around on me and make it my fault. Like they're going to be like "You were mad? Well you made ME mad two weeks ago when you did x other thing, and you do things that make me mad all the time because you are a bad person," and that would not only be a completely different discussion I would have to deal with, but an extremely hurtful one at that.

Like, I'm secretly pretty sure that everyone I know resents me and is stocking up complaints and insults to leverage at me the second I try to advocate for myself in any way. That is something that both of my parents, other adult relatives, multiple close friends, my first two romantic relationships etc. did to me constantly when I was growing up, so it's just like, a safe assumption for me, or a reflex even, to be prepared for and trying to evade that situation like, all of the time.

(Actually, a third and lesser but related thing -- a subset thing, if you will -- is that I'm always convinced that talking about my problems with other people will just cause MORE problems. Because then they'll be upset with me, or they'll be upset FOR me, or they're going to constantly try to talk about the problem with me in a way that stresses me out now that they know about it, and in any case I will not feel better about it and will in fact just be in a more anxiety-inducing situation than I was when I was just... dealing with my shit on my own.)

SO, the reason I'm even TYPING all of this to begin with is because, due to all of this, I actually find it extremely helpful to write out my big huge feelings as I am feeling them. That's why there is so much dramatic bullshit on this blog. That's why last winter I was posting like, multiple terrifying things a day, because I was having a borderline-psychotic breakdown and I needed to get the thoughts out of my head and into words and somewhere else. It's good for me to write things because then I'm able to actually parse them out. I can make sense of the things I'm feeling so much better in writing.

So why, you might say, don't you just keep a private fucking diary, Hannah? BECAUSE, I don't know! The first time I had an online blog where I wrote about my life and feelings, I was 11! I had a different one when I was 13-14! And then at 15, I made this! This... fucking monstrous collection of nothingness! This has been my cope for a long, long time. There's something about it that I like. This blog is like a living, breathing recollection of almost everything important that has ever happened to me. It's like my shadow. It's the footsteps I leave behind me. I don't know. A word document filled with my ramblings just would not be the same to me.

Anywho, I'm not even sure who I'm writing this for. Like 99% of the time I am writing things on here for My Own Self, so jot that down. This wasn't meant to sound like some huge defense of myself for making embarrassing blog posts, but it sort of ended up that way. Really I think what I was getting at is that like, I'm fine. When I'm on here saying deranged over-emotional nonsense, it's because I'm in the middle of a thing, and like an hour later I will be completely fine. But I will not blog about being fine, because who cares. Who needs to do that.

I am weirdly doing better right now than I have in years. You would never know any of that based solely on my blog posts, though! So I do ask that nobody overreacts to my posts or assumes anything about me based on them. We are all strangers here, except the like, 2-3 people I personally know who still use tumblr. And that's how I prefer it! Thanks!

[tiptapricot]

Moon Knight Liveblog thoughts, The Friendly Type

I love this opening scene w Layla but who is the lady truly like

How did they get to know each other bc she sorta acts like a mom but also not rlly n also she isn’t credited as such

Marshmallows :-)

Layla ilysm

I wish this scene didn’t have music almost bc the asmr would b amazing

LAYLA DOES YHE FACE PICKY THING IRL NOT JUST AS A DUAT NURSE OGHGGHGG

HER STIMMMMINGHGGGGGGGH

She also works her lips a lot

THIS LOGO SONG YESSSSSSSS

Episode two w the boring ass normal music should step up

Marc Jumpy Guy Spector

The way he’s running so fast n then is just already late lol

“Owh shit :-/“

“Oh wow”

“Ooo we dancin we fightin what we gonna do”

The slap… THIS FIGHT FUCKS

Love the musicCCC GOD

The dynamic vibes slap so hard ahhHgGghh

Marc looks great disheveled too

Jake just stepping in like “lol sorry guys don’t go after me or I’ll kill you” *gets in a cab*

MARC USED STEVENS ACCENT I THINK WHEN HE ASKS WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME???

“Just let us go man 😟”

Marc Jumpy Guy Spector again

He looks so dumb when he runs

These poor bystanders

“Mahc… that’s enough”

Jake moment again woooooo!!!!

Also knowing the changes when the camera pans between Marc n reflections is practical n Oscar doing it in real time makes this ep even MORE FUCKING EPIC

The pause before “he’s just a kid” n then seeing Marc push all ot it away

God

We don’t talk enough about that moment jfc

Khonshu’s neck black hole lmao

“Anger them enough… and they will enact a hate crime on my fruity ass”

*Does a gay little eclipse that pisses you off*

Literally the limp wrist moment is the next scene

Also Khonshu is so stupid he’s so dumb he’s like “we gotta b perfect haha no I won’t tell you anything or prepare anything byyyye”

“Ohhh I’ll be there 😏”

Steven is… I love him “Oh my days” what if I kissed u huh??? On the nog?

YATZIIIIIILLLLL her voice is so nice

“Ok…. Cool” Marc interacting w ppl makes him sound so funny

“The only melody Khonshu enjoys is the sound of pain” Marc that’s…. Really funny

JUST TELL HIM HES GONNA B POSESSED DUDE STOP LEAVING HIM IN THE DARK

The trial scene makes me fucking feral

“We despise your garishness” STOP BEING HOMOPHOBIC

OSCARS ACTING IN THIS SCENE MARC LOOKING MORE AND MORE AWARE AND AFRAID OF WHATS HAPPENING GODDDD

THE TEAR

IM NOT OK IM NOT OK ALSO THE LIGHTING IS RLLY NICE

The little whispered “fuck” Marc I’m so sorrry I love you

Arthur Crunchy Feet Harrow coming out of the gate swinging w the ableism

Harrow shut up shut up shut up shut up

Marc’s poor body

Watching them blur here is ridiculous like they’re both being triggered but I think it’s Marc that breaks through n tries to punch harrow bc u hear him say stop n Khonshu say shut up

HARROW SHUT THE FUCK UP I WANNA KILL YOU

“We will not tolerate violence” oh I see tolerating ableism n verbal attacks but not physical ones I see I see also HARROW I HATE YOU

Marc…. Looks so fucking…. In disbelief and so wrecked and so sweaty and teary and vulnerable his voice cracking and he’s scared and he’s scared of harrow for te power he has over him god this fuvking scene I’m not ok

What other memories is this echoing what other experiences is this mirroring where he wasn’t believed and was yelling to listen but no one did bc he was written off for being seen as lesser

And Marc feels as if he’s lost after, as if not being normal cost him everything. His brain and his struggles and that being weapon used like always causing him to lose

THE MUSIC FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

He went back for his hat :-)

Marc failing at an interaction… felt

LAYLA YESSS

BOAT SCENE BOAT SCENE YESS

Layla u are glowing get his ASS

“Copy that” you military ass guy I love you

Layla finger fiddling again

SALKAAAAAA

I need to see their wedding

I’m getting goosebumps I love them the like emotional tension here n Layla has the power

“It… doesn’t matter” the way his voice breaks

AND HIS FINGERS AUTOMATICALLY OPEN WHEN LAYLA TAKES THEM N HE FIDDLES W THEM I LOVE YHEM I LOVE YHEM OK INLOVE THEM

The way he gives her her hands back n pats them like giving the affection back, returning it bc he doesn’t need it

Layla in a ponytail somehow almost changes her character to me she just looks like like she just looks she LOOKS SHE LOOKSSSS

What happened between Layla n Mogart I wanna see the drama

Marc fails a social interaction part 2, electric boogaloo

Layla just like “o baby no”

Marc just not knowing shit ab Egyptian stuff is so funny n then Steven’s like that one tik tok meme

“I receive: the body. You receive: the info you need”

“He’s praying” IS SUCH AN OVERLOOKED LINE

Steven n Marc bantering my loves

Let Marc say fuck

Mogart I hate you

The way Marc can’t act when harrow is there…. The trauma from the trial still so fresh and that power imbalance and uncomfortability freezing him

“You piece a shit..” real

Also w Marc being unable to act, it’s also after he starts turning Layla against him and it’s just the same and he just can’t he can’t you can see a shot of his face that almost looks identical to the trial

It’s like a silent panic attack

But then harrow leaves n he can breathe again

THIS FIGHT SCENE MY BELOVEDDDTGE CAPE IN A MOON SHAPE SHEILDING LAYLA

“Buy me some time” “I can do that :-)”

Also the music AGAIN

MARC RUNNING THROUGH THE FUCKING FENCE IS SO FUNNY HE DOESNT EVEN JUMP JUST ZOOP

Marc growling… baby you are neurodivergent ily

“Thas it… alright that’s it that’s it time out!”

“Take… the body… take the body take the body Marc”

Lol get stabbed

Imagine seeing ur husband get impaled

LAYLA W THE KNIFE NECKLACE I LOVE HER I LOVE HER

“LAYLAAA!!”

The grab n roll is sOOOO satisfyinGGGG

“Tik tok marc spector” shut UP

“Aigh… I really liked that jacket… o wel”

Marc in da car call that Carc

He has nice shoulders

Bologna :-)

Marc just breaking internally n pushing her away the scene where they’re driving makes me weep they’re just tearing at the seams n both so sad but also angry

Marc getting upset easily felt felt

Some of Khonshu’s neck tendrils r taught into his neck n some just dangle lol

THE AWITCH W THE CAR MIRROR that’s the scene that got me to watch actually I saw it on Instagram n was like ohhHh

Steven’s eyelashes n the way he looks at Layla adoringly

“Egyptians invented modern.. navigation” baby you are so cute

“It’s French” LAYLAS LAUGH

They’re both so pretty they need to kiss

Watching this scene after that one comic ab Layla not knowing why it’s not working hits diff I love her

Khonshu sad scene….

His voice is so deep and soft….

The stars r fucking beautiful

This scene gives me goosebumps

Layla has a scrape on her shoulder

THIS SCENE THIS SCENE THIS SCENE OF TURNING THE STARD BACK AGHGGGHHGGGGHHHHHGHHHHHGHHJJHHGGHHHHGGHJJHGGUHJHGGHHJJ

God it’s so pretty it’s so pretty I’m out of my mind it’s so pretty I’m in space I’m eating wood

Khonshu dying hurts why does it hurt the way he yells and crumples n the suit breaks away and the bones snap and shatter and he groans in pain and Steven can feel it and feel it leaving him and he reaches out to Khonshu as he dissolved into dust, desperate and scared and so sad and then just goes totally limp… the tie severed from the body for the first time in a decade and the immediate mystical biological whiplash

*ahem* Harrow…. I hate you. Also stop having crunchy toes.

This episode slaps so hard everyone else shut up yes I like it more than the tomb which comes next and it’s bc SO MUCH HAPPENS AND ITS PACED SO WELL

YESSSSSSS THIS ENDING THEME WHY DO ALL OF THEM FUCK SO HARD YESSSS

[lavienbleuuu]

We experienced people differently

To quote the greatest songwriter of the century, Taylor Swift once said in one of her songs “He was sunshine, I was midnight rain”.

But I was sunshine to some and midnight rain to others. This has been bugging my head for some time now. Looking at all the interactions and relationships I had with the people in my life, I kind of act differently around different people. It’s funny how different people could bring out different shades of me.

For example I may feel more relaxed and show my playful side around my close friends, while maintaining a more formal and reserved demeanor in professional settings. When I say close friends, I also act differently in front of my “not so many close friends” depending on the level of comfort I have with them. Like I could only dance like no one’s watching in front of certain friends, or I could only show my serious side to some other friend. Or the way that I could be straightforward and show a strong stance to only some of the friends who I know won’t judge me, while others would perceive me as quiet and have no opinions on something. Not because I don’t have one, but because I’m not comfortable enough to share my thoughts with them.

I think we couldn’t fully experience people 100%. Even with my bestest friend I probably only showed them 70% of me. Maybe I behave like this not on purpose, maybe other people’s personality traits by nature could unleash certain parts of myself and vice versa. Moreover, individuals may get different responses from us due to their own behavior, attitudes, or the dynamics they create within the interaction. Funny how i could be the most confident person in front of some, and be the most insecure person in front of others. Because the way that they react could trigger how i feel about myself and resulting on the way i present myself.

A person who is empathetic and understanding might encourage me to open up and share more, while someone who is more assertive may bring out the “saying yes type of girl” in me. Human’s character are fluid. And every human has the ability to become a shapeshifter just like what Taylor Swift said when explaining about one of her songs “mirrorball”.

Just because two people had the same person. Doesn’t mean that they had the SAME person. We experience people differently and that’s why you don’t love everyone the same.

It’s also not just about how we behave, others perceptions about us also could be different depending on what they saw us doing when they saw us. There are some bad days where I could be rude to the waitress, and strangers would perceive me as bitchy. But there are also some good days where I was holding the door for an old man and he would perceive me as genuine and kind.

Others perceptions of us could also be various due to their own beliefs. Some people would think my sarcastic jokes are funny. But others could find me rude and offensive.

The world is never gonna agree on the definition of you. But it’s important to recognize that these different shades or behaviors are not necessarily inauthentic but rather reflect the multifaceted nature of human beings.

When we’re talking outside of work environments, it’s also funny to me that some people can see our values and some don’t. And no matter how hard we tried to prove our values to the one who couldn’t see that, it’s useless. People choose to see what they want to see. And it is not your fault that maybe some people couldn’t see your values and potential. That doesn’t mean that you don’t have it. But i think it is human nature to be obsessing over proving your self worth and values to the wrong one. The one who couldn’t see it. But remember, there are some people out there that will see, appreciate and adore your value, you don’t even have to try.

[thepopularnobody413]

Rule Of Opposites/ Circle of Life

Earth moves in cycles/spirals, this the very nature of the Universe reflecting the “Circle of Life” or as I say the “Spiral of Life”. All life flows/moves within this spiral. All life is in constant motion like waters flowing from a stream. All life is interrelated and inter-dependent like the many intricate threads of a single spider web.

Since humans are a part of nature and nature is known to move in cycles, we also move in cycles.

The circle/spiral, is a sacred symbol. The spiraling motion can take a specific direction through choice. (It’s funny because if you look at a spiral it’s often hard to tell which direction it *(The choices of others)* was drawn in. *(It’s all based on your perspective/perception which we’ll get into)* Circles of life surround us, exist within us, and compromise many relationships of our own existence.

The Circle/Spiral of Life is made of the Mind, Body, Spirit and the Natural Enviornment. We all have our own way of life that we’ve chosen and lived in. Our choice of how we focus our time and energies in each of these components(mind, body, spirit, NE) reflect our values and properties.

*Balance is another component in understanding the symbolism of the Circle/Spiral. *Flowing in sync with the natural flow of things themselves*

The Circle/Spiral has no real beginning or ending. So terms like ‘good’ or ‘bad’ are given relative value because one naturally implies the other. So this means the TRUTH lies somewhere between the two poles (good and bad) as opposed to being at one of the two poles. In other words look beyond the surface value to seek what is true.

But also be aware of the difference between the approaches of:

“This and That”

“This or That”

And the most extreme

“This VS That”

.

“This or That” and “This VS That” can result in having discordant feelings, thoughts and/or actions.

*MY EXAMPLE*

It’s like being asked Beyonce VS Solange, sister VS sister. I think the easy answer is Beyonce; why? Beyonce has more status, more accomplishments recognized, and ultimately has a better vocal range.

But if I ask you Beyonce OR Solange it becomes a lot more opinionated rather than hardcore fact checking when you say versus. (Be aware how ‘ego’ can also create delusion. You can even replace the word ego with perception! But not all delusion is bad, it’s your world after all!)

********

Its all about the thought process in these unconscious states of mind and how simple keywords can trigger a whole entire way of thinking you can’t control because you aren’t aware of all the levels your being affected on. Words and phrases are still more powerful than we give credit for. It may sound corny but Knowledge is power, you can’t be what you dont know you are! You can’t possess power you dont even know/believe you have!

In one simple way the Rule of Opposites is something that implies recognizing meaning and truth in everything you apply this rule to. The Circle/Spiral of Life is finding purpose and direction in ALL of life.

*EXERCISE*

Draw a circle. Start anywhere.

The point where your pen first touches the paper is the point of conflict.

As you draw your circle recognize this whole motion as seeking resolution, finding harmony.

When you complete that circle recognize you have now found the balance and restored harmony in this cycle to become whole.

*This circle is truly how how life works apply it with anything and you may understand everything and anything.*

*********

Opposites are extensions of themselves. Again like ‘good’ or ‘bad’ one implies the other.

We choose our own opposites aka we are the true source for the difficulty we face.

We have way more choices available to us than we ever realize. Sometimes we make choices that may not have been so beneficaial to us in short or potentially long term. But notice how our perspective changes as we look back and realize different and more beneficial choices were possible. The answer/key is to gain a greater range of perspective; aka WISDOM. Energies themselves are never the source of our problems, it’s our own self understanding of the energies and also how we use these energies that are often the source of our problems.

Conflict seems to be a part of the human experience but based on how you look at it conflict is an illusion. All things are energy, when energy takes on a specific nature it moves accordingly to its nature (moving at a degree, angle, direction, etc). So when finally met with an opposing force the energy is seeking resolution through/in harmony; OR simply put to find balance to become whole like the Circle/Spiral.

The next lesson in The Rule of Opposites is asking the right question rather than look for the right answer.

*EXAMPLE*

What is 1+1?

Looking for the right answer you may say 2.

But if i ask you:

Does 1+1 really equal 2?

We’ve entered a whole new realm and thought process AND level of understanding.

1+1 can equal 1. (1 person comes together with another 1 person and create a whole new energy/identity)

1+1 can equal 3 ( The color red plus the color blue now creates purple; that’s two separate energies that harmonize together and create a third energy. It’s like Goku and Veneta fusion to create Vegito, they both still have their minds and work together through harmony and balance to exist as Vegito but Vegito will never exist without the two.)

********

Taking a deeper look at these words “asking the right question rather than look for the right answer” its important to realize asking the right questions instead of seeking the right answers allows you to understand the function rather than the effect. (Example: 1+1)

Basically, clarify your assumptions and find the true meaning of a given experience or situation.

A person could be so angry they invest a magnitude of energy in defending why someone made them made them angry. An alternate course of action would be to examine the energy of discord and understand the underlying meanings of these feelings. “How can my anger be useful to me?” “What does anger mean to me?” Find the true source of your anger and the overall patterns within. Questioning others choice is only natural but believe it or not its not about them, its about you.

When I get angry I often find the reason is because things are beyond my control and my ego is upset due to lack of control. It’s not really about what someone did to me. It’s about understanding myself. I can’t and refuse to control anyone else’s actions or choices. Idc if we’re married, idc if we’re in business. This whole life experience has given free will to all of us. I can make clear agreements and contracts with my partners in love or even business. Doesn’t mean anyone has to abide and follow these contracts and that’s the plain truth. Instead I seek to achieve harmony and balance within structures. Scales lose balance as things progress and make changes (just as nature) all in an attempt to complete a cycle, upgrade and become whole again. The cycle repeats. It’s really simply just a universal understanding and the more you understand the less you fight. You just have to know and be clear on where your going and what the goal is *aka asking the right question and not asking for the right answer the truth lies inbetween*

Perspective is everything but beyond perspective is truth.

Example: A warrior is a warrior yes, but a real warrior is a lover.

Next Lesson:

Question your assumptions; you’ll find the hidden meanings (or truths) and understand the value of choices you made.

This rule also enables us to clarify assumptions we’re acting on rather than focusing energy on justifying our actions and perceptions. When you ask a question focus on the question AND the opposite of it, (and any alternate question that focuses on what is truth) rather than what is ‘right or ‘wrong’ ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

*EXAMPLE*

“What did you say?” Implies “What did you not say?” “What did I do?” Implies “What did I not do?”

Both are equally important questions and part of the same truth. But they do not reveal underlying truth. You want to reveal the others personal choice that was made AND the personal values of that choice.

“How did you come to make that choice?” “What does it mean to you?” clarifies your own personal assumptions and see more than just the outcome AND even the cause of an action or decision.

We need to step beyond our Individual frame of reference to recognize deeper meanings and lessons that present themselves to us. Reacting to life circumstances without pausing for reflection limits our ability to perceive underlying truths through multiple perspectives. Recognizing the relationship among things is key to seeking a sense of harmony and balance, which occurs when you recognize and honor Universal Truths and underlying meanings.

The Circle of Life is driven by individual choice. Each choice requires us to seek our place within the Circle, a place that balances the opposite pull of spiritual (spirit) and physical (body), mental (mind), and natural environment. Life consists of a endless series of choices that present us with challenges to be met or ignored, consequences to be accepted or rejected.

Because we have the freedom to choose, we also possess the freedom to seek a unique personal balance in our lives--or to maintain them in a state of discordance.

Either way, we have the opportunity to learn and to understand. The primary lesson of the Rule of Opposites is the lesson of choice.

As this lesson still has more layers to be understand I will stop here and give you time to catch up. Thank you for your time as always. Endless love to you, whoever you are.