#I know people like jack/izzy because Jack wouldn't make him better

[laceratedlamiaceae]

A list of petty reasons I hate Edward Teach

please don't take this too seriously lol, it's half me joking and half me psychoanalyzing myself

#1: He reminds me of my dad. The scene in episode four where Izzy is trying to get him to stop focusing on stupid bullshit because they're all about to die and then Ed suddenly starts stomping around and yelling about how he's bored brings me back to walking on eggshells so I wouldn't piss my dad off, although at least my dad just got really passive-aggressive when he was mad instead of yelling like that.

#2: He stole my look. I know long hair + beard + leather pants + leather jacket isn't exactly revolutionary but it's still annoying, especially since he pulls it off better than I do (for now; we'll see who looks better when I'm twenty years older and actually have biceps).

#3: He reminds me of my only real childhood friend who would ignore me in favor of his other, cooler friends but then gave me just enough attention to keep me hanging on whenever I tried to move on. I'm pretty sure Con O'Neill mentioned in some interview that he played Izzy like someone in that exact situation.

#4: People on here are annoying about him. I know this is the people being annoying about characters website, but there's a fun way to do it (which is how I like to think I am about Izzy) and an exhausting way. Also so many people are completely wrong about him, which doesn't help.

#5: He reminds me of my dad, part 2. The way he treats Izzy is so similar to the way my dad was with my mom before they got divorced; he would do something that affected both of them without thinking about her, then get super passive aggressive when she got rightfully annoyed by him.

#6: He's mean to a character I like. Speaking of the way he treats Izzy, it isn't great! Izzy isn't that nice to Ed either but since I already dislike Ed I don't really have a problem with that.

#7: I envy him. Why does he get to be so open and emotional and vulnerable and cringy and pathetic and embarrassing and still be loved and supported? I know that by wanting him to suffer like I did before I learned to stop being like that I'm being the emotional equivalent of those people who don't think student debt should be cancelled because they had to pay it off but I can't help the way I feel.

#8: He's too emotionally volatile. It's genuinely frightening to see him go from acting normal to suddenly expressing an emotion, like when he gets angry at the French captain in episode five or when he starts laughing and smiling so obnoxiously with Calico Jack. I don't like people who are so unpredictable and where I'm from it's considered rude to show such strong feelings in public. (actually now that I think about it, maybe that's not great? but I'm used to it so anything else makes me uncomfortable)

#9: He reminds me of my dad, part 3. Once me and my sister were out somewhere with my dad and I mentioned that I was thirsty so he took us to some super fancy restaurant just to get something to drink because it was close by and then after we were seated he waited for like five minutes before he changed his mind and we just walked out. I felt very uncomfortable the whole time because it was very clearly not a place to just casually get a drink. Anyways that just seems like something Ed would do and I don't like it.

#10: He's a poser. He pretends to be goth but as soon as a preppy guy shows interest in him he drops it completely. It's fine to be a foppish fancy man but you have to own it; it's just lame if you can't commit.

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

OFMD Favs Tag Game

I was tagged by- @likethehotsauce Thank you so much! Always love to rant.

(I'm probably not doing this right, cause I'm just using this a an excuse to look back on the parts of the show itself that I love, but I needed to write an essay today. And it's been months since I went back to my Stede/Ed roots. Before Izzy latched himself onto my brain. So here's some love!)

favorite Ed gif:

Look, I love ep7, especially on rewatches. Most rom-coms run into the trouble of not showing the audience our protagonists bond. They rarely get to relax around each other before the relationship really starts but that's what this episode is.

We've got Ed, who's starting to get comfortable/settled in around Stede. Stede having a fun little adventure, trying to make Ed thinks he's cool. Ed genuinely having a shitty day and finally getting that Stede cares about him. It's really fucking sweet. This gif just wraps that all up in a cute ball. The fit? Amazing. The lil hop? Adorable. Edward essentially telling everyone to shut up and just let Stede have his fun? Cute pre-boyfriend moment. He's a goofball, and this episode needs more love on here.

favorite Stede gif:

Yeah, yeah. Ed's here. But the scene is focusing on Stede and resolving an arc (my favorite thing), so it counts! Stede has issues feeling accepted. He has gone without a 'crew' for so long that he's unapologetically who he is. He already feels along, why the fuck would he care about dressing up and being a bit too 'feminine'? They already make fun of him for not being enough, he already feels along. Why wouldn't he try to be happy not giving a shit about what they think?

So, in ep 10, we see a Stede who feels accepted into a family. He gets to get up there with a silly little in-joke and have people put their trust in him. Are they doing this to get back at the Navy? Yeah. But Stede build himself a place where he feels like he can be accepted and welcomed. I don't always see Stede in the best light. Accountability is a huge thing for me, and S2 better include this guy fessing up for the hurt he's caused. But this scene always makes me smile when I think about it.

favorite Ed outfit:

:). I know what I'm about. I'm simple, and if you've been here a while, you already know. We get to see Edward proudly rocking Stede's lil handkerchief. The tummy is great, and so is seeing his tattoos. I always love a fingerless glove, and his jewelry is on point. Yes, I love Ed in soft fabrics. Especially the loose poet shirt moment in ep 4. But in my head, this is Ed being a frat guy and trying to seduce Stede. 'Usually the exposed skin and touching works :('. Cause this poor guy has had to seduce assholes like Jack, and isn't comfortable with opening up yet. Ed's also just having fun exposing Stede to 'pirate' things which is a favorite trope of mine.

favorite Stede outfit:

Unironically? All of them.

Next question.

OKAY. FINE. IF I HAVE TO CHOOSE-

Gender. Whole lotta gender right here. I'm a sucker for loose fabric and BOY.

Open Shirt? Yes. Hideously colored mustard robe that works because it's a part of the whole 'look'. Achieved. Rings? Amazing. Fluffy shirt that's a button-up? Yep, you could totally reveal more chest.

FLUFFY SLEVES!!!! AHHH. But seriously, most of his outfits are amazing. I chose like five different Gifs-before settling on this for the lace sleeves.

favorite Blackbonnet song:

Oh boy! Buckle up.

(I have 2 playlists with these 2 with around 40 total hours of music on Spotify from the 4 months post ep10 airing where I only read these two. So any answer I give is going to )

Stede POV specific('A Stede Soundtrack' on spotify)- Five Bells- CoCo and The Butterfields. Yes, I have better ones, but the general vibe is just happy, light, and in love. Excited for the future. (If this song is actually about something else, keep me innocent). With instrumentals, and dancing, and fucking joy. I love this song. 2.) Being 'May It Last'- The Avett Brothers if Folk music isn't your thing. 3.) 'The Bitch is Back'-Elton John For bitchy Stede. The best flavor.

Edward POV specific ('Blackbeard's Breakup' on Spotify)- Desperately in love Ed? 'honey'-Coastal Club. yes, I am a pet name Edward truther. Also a song about being excited by life and by love. If it's Stede Hating, Kraken era? 'Money, Money, Money'-ABBA. Yes, I know Edward is now the breadwinner, but it's very Him.

Gentlebeard. Sad era- 'Last Request'- Paolo Nutini. Oh shit, I have a crush era- 'I think I love you'-Specifically the Tenacious D cover. It's Jack Black, how can you hate it? Desperately in love- 'An Old Fashioned Love Song'-Paul Williams. This song has been in my Spotify top 100 for years. I fucking love it.

favorite OFMD fic trope:

HAHA! You didn't specify the ship, so I get to bring up Izzy.

SteddyHands specific- Stede&Ed working together/competing for Izzy to choose them first. Especially if Ed&Stede already know that Izzy has a crush on them but Izzy doesn't. I don't read this ship too much anymore, but this always made me happy.

Izzy Specific-Post S1 Izzy hunting down Stede, hijinks ensuing. Izzy gets injured, and this starts his character jornery into a mentally healthier person. Him getting loved tbh. Aslo, Izzy getting described as short. He's really not that much shorter than most of the crew. I just love when it's brought up.

Long fic- Anything character based, post S2 'reunion'. Essentially skipping how they all resolved S1 and skips to the fun parts. Love Izzy learning/starting to care for the crew. If reading a fic kinda feels like going to therapy, you're doing it right. Huge shoutout to anyone who has tried to break down how Izzy's brain works for angst fic. Also, Ed and Stede being held accountable for some of their more shitty actions.

Short Fic- You know what, I'll say it. I like soulmate (and adjacent) AUs. Love me a Hanahaki, or similar curses. If there's a story reason two characters are dubiously forced to admit their feelings, I'm there. I love that 'what if they don't like me' rant even though its destined, I love the holding yourself back to keep another person happy shit. Yes, irl, that'd be fucked. But since it's a short fic, it doesn't need to worry about all that.

Trope Tropes- Buttons being a Disney princess around animals. Lucius living in the walls. Izzy swears every other sentence. Any media of the Revenge (music, stories) being super out of time period. Two characters are falling in love, but are the last people to realize it. Stede being a pirate parent.

Ed’s hair or Stede’s hair:

I agree with what likethehotsauce said. Both fit the character really well. I can't imagine Stede or Ed suddenly shaving their head. It's a part of who they are.

If this is about me wanting their hair? I'm choosing Ed's. I've had Stede length hair for the past 2 years, and miss braiding my hair. Also, his hair looks soft as shit. Good to run your fingers through, etc.

longest gap between rewatches:

July 2022-January 2023. I watched it like 13 times post ep 10 aired, then immediately jumped into fan content. I'm a huge 'character' person when consuming media, so I generally enjoy doing that vs rewatching the show itself again.

Lucius is Hiding in the Ship vs. Lucius is Dead and a Ghost:

No corpse= Not dead. Once Ed and Stede reunite I don't think Ed would be able to forgive himself if he actually killed him. Lucius was saved by someone on the ship and hidden away. I do think Lucius will be discovered before the captains reunite. As much as I love ghosts, our guy is safe. Fearing for his life, but safe.

favorite Revenge crew member: OG Revenge-Frenchie or Buttons. If y'all haven't written him in your fics, including Buttons. He's so much fun to make the 'Cassandra' of your work! Let him be ominous and all-knowing, it's a great time! Frenchie because I'm always up for a bard, and he's a character that has so much potential. From being a bard to an 'assassin in training' with Izzy & Jim. They're fun to throw in!

Again, many thanks to @likethehotsauce! I would like to tag — absolutely zero pressure!!! I know most of you are mostly into Izzy, and I love hearing harsh opinions about Ed&Stede or general thoughts on the show looking back, after a year. @ivegotnonameidea @dianetastesmetal @gydima @downinthehull @treesofgreen @ladyrenity

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

https://tiermaker.com/create/our-flag-means-death-shipps-15253051

There is something deeply wrong with me. Fortunately that thing is not Izzy Hands related.

[doks-aux]

I'm picturing both Ed and Stede being like 🧐😠😤😡 at Izzy and Sam, Ed because he doesn't like that Izzy's attention and adoration is on someone else (and maybe he has an old grudge with Sam) and Stede because he feels like Sam is stealing his whole Gentleman Pirate thing (even though people keep pointing out to him that Sam was doing it first, which does NOT go over well, they're completely different in that Stede is doing it RIGHT), and if Izzy's into that why wasn't he into Stede?!? Ed agrees, it's VERY rude that Izzy wasn't into Stede and he has half a mind to tell him so but Lucius is like oh my god STOP.

So Ed and Stede spend all their time creeping around eavesdropping and spying and bitching to each other (like Stede spying on Jack and Ed) and discussing What Must Be Done About This and planning a fuckery to Get Izzy Back and they don't even notice that Izzy and Sam just, like, went off to get (re)married.

I would pay to be able to read a fic like this, I really would. I've only run into a couple of fics where Izzy moves onto a new love interest and Ed actually has to deal with that rather than somehow winning him back. (Granted, this is probably because outside the SteddyHands circle of ships, I only read Izzy/OC and Izzy/Other Historical or Famous Fictional Pirate. Maybe it happens a lot in Izzy/Actual Character in the Show fics.) The concept of a fic where it seems like a textbook SteddyHands set-up, only for Izzy to choose the third option and especially for it to be Sam is fucking delectable. And infinite bonus points for Lucius at his wit's end because if Ed and Stede had arrived at whatever-this-is MONTHS AGO maybe things would have gone a lot smoother. But as it is he's team Izzy/Not This Bullshit now and playing look-out while they take a dinghy to elope or whatever. And Ed and Stede being so caught up in their own drama together even when it's nominally focused on someone else that they don't actually notice what's happening with that someone is perfectly on-brand.

God, there are so many good possibilities for how Stede and Sam might interact. I feel like Sam's a nice guy who'd be all "Same hat!" at Stede, especially post-character development Stede who's given up all his inherited wealth and is gaining his new riches in the proper pirate-y and looking good doing it. Which just makes it funnier if Stede gets all snitty about it. God forbid anyone stresses that Sam is called the Prince of Pirates, therefore outranking the Gentleman Pirate at least by technical definition. And there's historical precedent for an Ed-Sam grudge with irl Sam mutinying against Hornigold and being voted captain while Ed stayed loyal to the old man. And I wouldn't want Sam to be the wholly innocent party here either. Like, I can see him sincerely trying to get along and be a gentleman at first, but when he's getting passive aggression and Kraken death glares for his troubles, he decides it's no fun to be the bigger man. He should get to be a bitch, too. It's also funnier if Izzy is the most mature person in all of this after Lucius.

What's funny is that in my personal AU, Sam and Stede got started on the whole romance novel cover pirate thing about the same time. Sam's been sailing and ship-hopping and treasure-hunting his whole life, but there was a huge gap in his piracy career between Hornigold's cabin boy and the Robin Hood of the seas. This is so I can have him be as historically inaccurately middle-aged as the others while keeping his whirlwind success when he does seriously try his hand at piracy while still having it be plausible that his old friends don't even know he's still alive. He and Stede get along well enough that Stede's all giddy about Izzy being smitten with him. Ed is... getting better at the whole "Izzy is allowed to have other friends" thing, but this is a potential boyfriend and it's Sam who Ed's been butting heads with since puberty, so he doesn't take it as gracefully as Stede when it's pointed out to him. And Sam is trying to play nice with Ed because he's got a lot to answer for for letting everyone think he was dead, but like. He is eventually going to ask why Izzy is missing a toe and eventually someone is going to give him the honest answer.

I want everyone to have a nice happy ending, but I want them to yell and cry a whole lot on the way there.

[izzy-b-hands]

Ngl I'm stoned and this is a lil dumb, but hopefully there's enough silly funny bits to make up for it lol

anyway, in which Calico Jack gets a new ship, and goes shopping for a new crew! Well, poaching, actually. Stealing, really. Not even well, but he's trying.

Steddyhands, but it's not the main focus of this, that is reserved for Jack's Fuckery lmao. NSFW in some bits, but not too graphically. There are some stabbings as well, but it's all one person at least.

---

"Ain't she beautiful?"

Ed nodded. "She is. She's also mine."

Jack did a double take between Ed and the ship. "Nah."

"Yeah? Literally, on the side there: Queen Anne's Revenge. Izzy painted it on; you were with us that day!"

"That could be a typo," Jack protested. "Pirates are not known for spelling accuracy. Besides, I found her fair and square, floatin' along."

"Right, because we meant to go back and get her at some point. I had Izzy put up the 'be right back' sign on the helm, did it fall off?"

Jack frowned. "Might have seen such a sign. Recognized the handwriting."

"And stole my ship anyway?"

"Look, if you don't want your shit stolen, then don't make it so stealable," Jack muttered. "Besides, would you rather anyone else have her?"

Ed shrugged. "Fair point. You said you've got a new crew?"

Jack led him further down the beach, back towards everyone else laying out on the sand. "Well, not yet. Actually, that's why I was so glad to see you guys! How would you feel about a mutiny, and then you all come join me, and we sell Steve?"

Ed groaned. "Seriously? I screamed in your fucking face that Stede-"

"Steve?"

"No, Stede!"

"Who? We're talkin' about Steve, right?"

Ed dropped onto the sand mid-step. "I can't tell if you're fucking with me and trying to be funny, or if you honestly think we have a Steve and Stede onboard."

"Look, you wanted change, right? What better change than a little demotion? I captain, you can be first mate for me, and we'll sell Izzy and Steve."

Ed stood up with a start. "Hang the fuck on. You want to demote me to the arguably much shittier job of first mate, and you want to sell off my boyfriends?"

Jack raised a brow. "Oh. Both of 'em, huh? You always did like a challenge. Or you wouldn't have ever fucked me, right?"

"You're not really answering the question."

Jack threw up his hands. "Fine. We'll do this the hard way. I'll convince your crew to join me, then we'll sell you, Izzy, and Stede."

"Hey! You got it right!" Ed smiled. "But also if you do actually try and poach our crew, I'll do whatever I have to do to stop you, Jack. I don't want to, but I will."

Jack laughed. "Okay, you do that. You maim me or beat me to a pulp, big scary Blackbeard!"

Ed giggled. "I will! You're not nearly as good a friend as you were before too so I mean, maybe consider that. Kind of already upset with you! Won't take much more to really piss me off!"

Jack stepped closer. "I'd like to see you like that. Pissed off, ready to rip me apart. Bet you still couldn't."

"Jack-"

"I need a crew. Yours sucks, but I'm not in a place to be picky. Whoever doesn't agree with me can go in a cage with you and your boys, and we'll buy something nice for the ship with whatever we get for all of you."

Ed frowned. "Not that badly decorated, is she? I know Izzy said I've got too many skulls around-"

"It is a lot of skulls," Jack interrupted. "But nah, it ain't that bad. No, I just think it'll piss you off knowing I'm using that money to redecorate your quarters. My quarters, now."

"Everyone warned me that I wouldn't want you as an ex," Ed sighed. "Think I understand that now."

"I got a reputation to uphold," Jack grinned. "Anyway, don't mind me skulking around chatting up your crew. You can't stop me, nothing wrong with talkin' to people!"

Ed nodded as he watched Jack walk off, whistling as he kicked up sand. He needed to talk to Stede, ASAP.

--

"Izzy!"

"Jesus fucking chr-the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Izzy nearly dropped the wooden box of marmalade jars he was hauling from the Revenge's galley at Jack's appearance, though that was bullshit in and of itself. He had told Ed and Stede they'd inevitably want more than the few jars they'd grabbed so why not take more right away? But no, they were stubborn and didn't and now he couldn't leave them sans marmalade, that would be cruel-

"You keepin' the wives happy?" Jack's fingertip slide across the edge of the box. "Please tell me this isn't what y'all use for lube."

"Who the fuck would do that?" Izzy scoffed, then remembered who he was talking with. "Christ, no, they've just got a slight addiction to this with toast. Speaking of, I'm expected back."

Jack's hand slapped flat on the front of the box. "They can wait a little longer."

Izzy rolled his eyes. "I appreciate the intimidation tactic, but those two will come looking shortly, and they're hungry on top of it all. That is actually intimidating, so if you'll kindly get the fuck out of my way."

"Izzy," Jack hissed, leaning forward. "We could be so good together."

"I don't know if this is a come on or an attempt to make me join you as crew, but I'm not interested in either," Izzy said as he shifted the box onto his hip. "I only need the one hand free to stab you, Jack. I would love the opportunity. If you don't move now, then I'll take it."

Jack clucked his tongue. "Thought you'd be an easier target than this."

"Hm."

"Don't really know what to do now," Jack admitted. "It wasn't a come on, but, since we're alone here on this nice big ship..."

Izzy blinked. "Right. You do whatever you feel you need to; I'll go let Roach know we'll need to deep clean this area, and bring the boys their marmalade before they riot."

"Izzy, come on. You seriously don't want a chance at something new? Something more?"

Izzy scoffed. "As if you'd have me as first mate. No, I'm sure you'd take the first chance to kill, maroon, or sell me off. I'm not an idiot, Jack. Here's what you should know from here on out-"

With the box still balanced on one hip, he pulled a knife from his belt. "I am very happy with the current situation. Believe me, it surprised me at first too-"

"You are a miserable bastard," Jack interrupted with a chuckle.

Izzy nodded, then stabbed the knife into Jack's abdomen.

"Well then," Jack panted. "You meant it, with the stabbing."

"In all the years I've had to trail after you and Edward, making sure neither of you wandered drunk into the sea, have I ever lied to you about all the harm I'd like to do to you?"

Jack nodded. "You have threatened me a lot over the years!"

Izzy smirked. "And you didn't listen to a word of it. Now, I'm taking my knife back, and I'm getting this marmalade to the boys. And if you try to poach anyone else off this crew, so help me I will stab you until there's nothing solid enough left to stab."

He yanked his knife from Jack's flesh, and strode out. Thankfully, he hadn't gotten any blood on the box or any of the jars.

--

"Sup?"

Roach stared into the trees, specifically eyeballing the one he was pissing closest to. "Sorry?"

"Not bad," Jack popped out from behind one of the trees. "Your dick, I mean. Was flippin' through that book Steve has, what's-his-name did a good job drawing yours."

Roach finished and put himself away while pondering a response. "His name is Lucius, and it's Stede, not Steve-"

"Who is?"

Roach shook his head. "Forget it. Thanks, I guess. About my...yeah. I'm gonna head back to the crew, if you want to j-"

"Join! Me, no! But you, could join me, yes!" Jack grinned.

"Was your goal to make a pitch using the fewest words possible?" Roach asked. "Because you did it, but it was weird. Weird for you, which I think is an important distinction."

"So, you'll be my chef?"

"No! Nothing I said was anything about doing that!"

Jack frowned. "Shame. Your cooking is amazing."

At that, Roach couldn't hold back a smile. It was at least partially just Jack trying to butter him up, but fuck it, it was still complimentary enough.

"Would love to have that sort of fine work onboard the Quee-uh, the King Jack's... Revenge..Revenger."

Roach nodded. "Very sweet of you, but I'm good where I am. The offer to join us for a midnight snack still stands though; we're making s'mores!"

He peered down Jack's front. "Is that blood?"

"Just a little bit, Izzy didn't like being asked to join me, and boy howdy did he let me know! He's a scrappy lil guy, huh?"

Roach smirked. "What if I tell him that I met you out here?"

The color drained from Jack's face, though that might have been the stab wound as much as anything else. "No, you don't have to-why would he even want to know that, I mean...ah fuck it, you ain't worth it! I'll find a better chef!"

Jack went crashing off into the trees, with a final bird flipped to Roach as he went.

"This is why we need piss break buddies," Roach muttered to himself. "Everyone thinks it's 'oh Roach is afraid of the dark', but no, it's weird shit like this! That's what we need someone with for!"

He made a mental note to tell Izzy about the encounter first thing when he got back. He had a feeling he would burn hot enough they could heat the s'mores over him instead of the fire.

--

"No."

"I didn't even say anything yet," Jack chuckled. "C'mon Jim. You and I haven't even spent any time together, and I bet you're jealous of the rest of them over it."

"Could you fuck off?" Jim asked sharply. "Even if I wasn't in the middle of this, the answer would still be no. Roach warned us you were hiding out and doing this."

Olu lifted his head from between Jim's thighs. "Seriously! You are really fucking distracting, and this is fucking rude! Would you storm into someone's bedroom while they were fucking and ask them to join your crew?"

"Have done that once before, actually," Jack said as he sat down by Jim's head. "Don't let me interrupt."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Jim shouted, and a startled cry went up from the campsite near the beach.

"Damn it," Jack hissed. "Thanks a lot; if Izzy stabs me again it is your fucking fault!"

Jim glared, held out their hand for a knife, and jabbed the one Olu handed them into Jack's arm.

"Now that's unnecessary," Jack scoffed. He yanked the knife out, then stood and darted back into the trees, just as Izzy and Roach came crashing into the clearing.

"He's gone already," Roach sighed. "Fuck."

"You know the ship would be more comfortable than here," Izzy commented to Jim.

Jim handed the blooded knife back to Olu, and tossed an arm over their eyes. "Yes. Yes it would be. But we thought we'd have more privacy in the fucking jungle! Than anywhere else! And we were wrong!"

"We'll go," Roach said gently, tugging Izzy by the elbow. "Sorry about all of this."

"Right, we'll get him the next time," Izzy nodded.

"Sure, great, thank you!" Olu shouted as they crashed back through the brush. "Should we try the ship instead?"

"Nah, at least they know which area to avoid now. Not exactly privacy, but I'll take it," Jim sighed. "You still good down there?"

"Wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

--

"So, we aren't hunting Jack down to kill him, in theory," Ed said. "Just to make him fuck off, or chill the fuck out and stop bothering everyone about joining his crew on my ship. That he stole."

"Yeah, you keep mentioning that," Frenchie noted.

"Yeah, well, it was a really dick move," Ed said. "So I think it bears repeating."

"The goal is to talk to him," Stede added. "If you feel you will be moved only to violence instead of words, then please come get one of us. That way we can try the talking bit, and if it doesn't work we always have violence as a solid back up plan."

"A note on that," Izzy said. "Do not get me for the talking bit, only Ed or Stede. I am on the side of violence first, so if you want help in any violence against him, that's when you find me."

Stede smiled and clapped his hands together. "Perfect! Everything crystal clear, we all have snacks and water... let's get going!"

Before anyone could take a step, Jack forced himself through a small gap between two trees near their camp. "Ah ha! Thought you'd- ouch, fuck-seen the last of old...hang on, fuckin' coat is stuck...there, the last of old Calico Jack?! Well, here I am!"

He was covered in dirt, blood, hair greasy and a mess. At some point he'd managed to lose both his boots but gained a new one that was nothing like his original pair.

"Okay, that makes things easier!" Stede said. "We need you to stop this, Jack. You're a sensible... well. You're a man who understands...no. You...if someone went around poaching your crew, if you had one, that would bother you, yes?"

Jack nodded.

"Well, that's our issue," Stede continued. "I respect and understand you want a crew of your own again. However, and I will speak plainly: you're a fucking menace. And if you think you should be scared of Izzy over this, then you're both right and wrong. Right, because he does want to stab you again, but wrong, because if you keep trying to steal my crew, I'll gouge your fucking eyes out with my bare hands. Ed taught me how to do that a few weeks ago, and I could use the practice!"

Dead silence.

Then, Ed, softly.

"Jack. I need to take Stede back to the ship, immediately. I'm going to give you two minutes to make it back to my ship that I'm going to let you keep borrowing-"

"Come on," Jack interrupted. "Just face it; I stole her fair and square! Also, weird seeing you hard in those pants when I'm not the one causing it. Kinda hate it, actually."

Ed glared at him. "As I was saying. You may continue to borrow my ship for now. You have two minutes to return to it before the crew gets to chase after you. Ship is safe, but if you have even a toe off it-"

He shrugged. "I would make sure I'm on the ship by then. Were it me."

"I hate how hot it is when you talk like that," Jack chuckled. Then, with a tired sigh, he burst into a sprint towards the Queen Anne's Revenge.

"Are you actually gonna send us after him?" Wee John asked. "Seems a waste of time."

"Can if you want, but he's always been a spry fucker. He'll probably be onboard and below deck before we know it," Ed replied. "But I do need to get Stede back to the ship-"

"Yeah, yeah, you wanna fuck his brains out for the eye gouging threat," Jim laughed. "We know; you aren't subtle."

Ed nodded. "So Stede, Izzy, and I will be busy for the rest of the night. You all...do whatever you want. Come back onboard, spend the night camping out here, whatever makes you happiest. If Jack bothers you-"

"Threaten to stab him," came the crew's chorus.

--

On the Queen Anne's Revenge, Jack bandaged his wounds. Maybe having his own ship again wasn't the right thing, right now.

At the sound of distant moaning, he looked out from his quarters with his spyglass. There, in the window of the Revenge's main quarters, he could see Ed and Stede and Izzy and shedding clothes...

He set the spyglass down after a moment, and pondered if they needed anyone in a role like that. To bring water, snacks, clean towels, more lube, etc.

He decided he'd start asking around with the crew in the morning.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Seventy-Six

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Warning(s): Explicit language, explicit sexual situations, drug abuse, violence, domestic abuse

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I glance over as Emi starts on God, seeing her absentmindedly fumble with her cross as Mick listens intently, a small smile coming to my face. 

She's as enthusiastic about her beliefs as I am. It's a little more comforting having someone around that's on the same page as I am. 

That is until Nikki gets tired of hearing her go on and on about Christ. 

It's probably giving him flashbacks of conversations with Vanity. 

"Can you shut the fuck up?!" He yells back here to her, and she abruptly stops, looking at him. 

"Sixx, you're not even back here, just mind your own business." Mick boldly replies, too tired to fight about it. 

"What did you just say to me?" He cuts his eyes sharply. 

"He said mind your own business! It's not our fault your blood starts boiling and combusts into flames anytime someone mentions God! Shut up and deal with it and stop being a little bitch!" I state and he glares at me. 

A Jack Daniel's bottle is hurtling my way in no time, and I duck, causing it to hit Mick and Emi, soaking them in Jack. 

"Fuck you!" Nikki yells at me. "And you know what?! If God is so real why doesn't he just strike us out of the sky right fucking now?!" 

This sends Emi into a frenzy, grabbing her crucifix, praying, while Tommy and Vince join in on further terrorizing her, dropping their pants, along with Nikki, while they all shout on about how God needs to suck their dicks. 

I'd be offended if I knew God was. He's more than likely just looking down at them, shaking his head, wondering why he decided to create them in the first place when all they're doing is wasting their lives on booze, used pussy, and any drugs they can get their hands on. 

All the sudden, Tommy disappears into the pilots cabin, and within seconds we're doing a barrel roll, making Emi start screaming and crying. 

Once we get level, I'm taking a few deep breaths before coming to my feet. 

"Vivian." Fred scolds me, knowing what's coming, but I ignore him, marching to Nikki, Vince and Tommy, punching them both in the back of the head as hard as I can before slapping Vince with the same energy, Fred and Doc getting in the way before they can come back at me. 

"Fucking bitch!" Nikki barks at me. 

"Heard that one too many times, it's starting to bore me!" I bite back as Doc pulls me to the back of the plane. 

"See how boring my fingers around your neck are gonna be when I get ahold of you again!" He yells after me, Fred shoving him into a seat. 

"Maybe you'll kill me this time and do us both a favor!" I reply. 

"We have a gun at home just put it in your mouth and fire a-fucking-way!" 

"I would if I didn't know it'd make you so freaking happy, you sick junkie!" 

"God forbid you do anything to make me happy!"

"I sacrificed my dancing and my schooling to make you happy!" I throw at him.

"You threw out your chance to go to school and do what you were passionate about for me when I never even wanted you to do that! I wanted you to go to school, I wanted you to keep dancing but you didn't because you were too much of a pussy to leave 'cause you thought I'd break up with you!" 

"And we see where that fucking got me, don't me?! Married to a sick man who has no qualms about screwing his wife's best friend for over a year in the house he bought for her, in the bed they share!" 

"If that sick man didn't marry such a selfish, evil, farm fresh cunt from hell he wouldn't have felt the need to step out on her!" 

"You stepped out on me for drug love!" 

"I stepped out because I was bored with you and she fucked good!" He's venomously snapping at me. 

I want to say, "trust me, I know the feeling!" but decide not to. 

"Just be sure to mention that to our lawyers when you get back from Japan because I'm sick and tired of being married to you!" I shout. 

"Fuck you!" He screams. 

"Fuck both of you!" Doc snaps at us, heaving heavy breaths. "Now, I've had it, dammit!" He screams. 

We're all silent for a moment, before I'm glaring at Nikki. 

"See what you did, asshole?!" I accuse him. 

"What I did?!" He yells back, brows furrowing.

"Yes, what you did, since the only thing you're good at is stressing people out!" I shout at him. 

"I stress people out?! I stress people out?!" He starts laughing humorlessly. "I turned to fucking smack to escape your stress inducing bullshit, you delusional, rabid cunt!" He barks at me as Fred tugs me to the bathroom before I can get the last word in, locking me in until it's time to land. 

By the time we get to Fort Lauderdale, we've both calmed down enough to tolerate each once again, which is good considering paparazzi is on us like flees to a dog. 

"Vivian, Nikki!" Press shouts as cameras flash, Nikki reluctantly grasping at my hand as Fred clears a path in the people to car. 

When they see Vince, Tommy, Mick and Tansy behind us, they go after them next, giving me and Nikki time to duck into the car. 

"Geez." I sigh out, fixing my hair as Nikki moves across from me the second the door shuts. 

He leans his head back, cursing under his breath, raking a hand down his face. 

"You okay?" I ask him, genuinely, and he sneers, his eyes still closed as he catches his breath. 

"No, Vivian, no, I'm not okay." He huffs out with a sharp scoff, and I rub my lips together. 

"It's hard on me, too, you know. You aren't by yourse--"

"--Bab--Vivian, just shh." He catches himself before he says, "baby," and my heart tenses up in my chest. 

"Would you rather me scream at you and start an argument?" I ask him and he sits up, looking at me with smeared, running eyeliner, circles under his eyes, and ghostly skin. 

"I'd rather you just keep your mouth shut." He states, fumbling with his boot, pulling some tar, a spoon and a syringe out. 

"Oh, you aren't serious..." I say to him, raising a brow. 

"Me,Tansy, Izzy, Andy, Michael...don't act like you haven't seen someone shoot up before, Viv. If it makes you pussy out just close your eyes. I'll be done in a few seconds." He mumbles, about to start heating it in the spoon. 

I do just that, until I decide I'm not sitting around and let him kill himself anymore. 

I go to snatch the syringe and lump of smack away from him before he can stop me, opening the sunroof and throwing it out, going for his syringe next. 

"Stop!" He barks at me, guarding it, the both of us ending up on the floor of the limousine. 

"Nikki!" I scream, fighting with him to get it, but a sharp pain is soon shooting through my pointer finger as the needle stabs through the underside of my finger and out the top. 

It was by accident, being that he wasn't even holding the needle. 

"Motherfucker!" I scream to myself, Nikki's face paling further at the sight, as he lays underneath me while my tears are rolling down my cheeks as stinging pain spread through the nerves of my fingers, followed by the buzzing of the micro-amount of heroin on the tip of the needle that pierced my skin. 

I hiss as I pull it out and aim the needle at the car's carpet, getting rid of the shot, holding my bleeding finger as I sit up, Nikki still looking sick as I get off of him. 

"That shit wasn't cheap." He tells me, pulling himself up.

I don't pay him any attention, my finger starting to throb. 

He stares at me while I have my little pity party, before he takes a long sigh and grabs at my hurt finger, making me sniffle. 

"It's not like it went through the bone, Viv." He says dismissively, although he still holds to my finger as if trying to make it better. 

"Just shut up." I snatch away from him, frustrated.

"You shut up." He replies in the same harsh tone. 

"You fuck off." I kick my heel into his knee and he grabs my ankle and tugs at me, causing me to slide into the limo floor again. "Nikki!" I kick again with my other foot, this time, missing his crotch by mere centimeters. 

He slides to the other side of the seating to get away from me. 

When we stop at the next light, I'm reaching for the door handle and opening it up, causing him to pounce on me, and slam the door as I open it, yelling, "goddamnit, Sixx!" pinning me under him to keep me from opening it again. 

We both take heavy breaths, looking at each other...he smells repulsive, but I've missed the presence of his close proximity. 

The door opens suddenly, Doc and Fred looking down at us. 

Apparently we didn't stop at a red light, but our destination.

We both look up at them like guilty puppies, piled on each other, Fred, in particular, eyeing me like a hawk. 

"We're here." Doc informs us as we pull ourselves out of the car, and I brush off as Doc and Nikki walk ahead of me and Fred. 

"Don't say a word." I tell Fred.

"Wasn't going to." He assures me.

"It wasn't what it looked like." I say next. 

"Never said it was." He replies.

"Yeah, but, I know what it looked like, and--"

"--Viv, I'm not saying a word about it." He reassures me as we walk into the venue to see Steven, Slash, and Izzy sitting on the stage. 

Stevie sees me and makes a beeline for me, making a point to hug me. 

Steven was like Vince, but a hell of a lot more genuine and wholesome. He just loved love, affection, flirting, and women--especially women.

"Duff's really upset over what happened, Viv." He tells me in my ear. 

"I'll talk to him." I reply with a slight nod. 

"I don't know if just talking it out is gonna help much of anything, babe." He says lowly and I let out a breath. 

"I'll talk to him." I repeat, brushing off his warning. 

When I get on the bus, Duff's got his shirt off, shuffling through his bag, glancing at me. 

"Hey." I say to him.

"Hey." He mumbles back, grabbing another tshirt to put on. 

"Steven said you were still pretty upset about last night." I tell him, stepping a little closer. 

"Not with you...just...the situation." He explains in a low, frustrated tone. 

"Well, do you wanna talk about it?" I offer. 

He looks at me, letting out a breath, licking his lips.

"You've already said you guys are getting divorced, so, it's not like it really matters." He shrugs. "Just having a little trouble pretending like he didn't damn near kill you, but..." he trails off, seeing the look on me face before saying, "I'll get over it, Viv, alright? Don't worry about me jumping on him again or anything like that." 

"I'm not worried about that." I assure him, grasping at his hand, tugging him closer to me in the aisle, a small smile on his lips as his hand runs through my hair, our eyes locked. 

"I love you." He tells me, my arms wrapping around his waist. 

"I love you, too." I grin, and he presses his lips to mine, sweetly, before I'm pulling away. 

"Alright, your show starts in an hour and a half." I inform him. 

"Okay." He says dismissively, kissing me again. 

"Duff, we gotta go." I giggle, his lips kissing at my cheek, then my neck. 

"We will." He says against my skin, chuckling. 

"If you're late, Axl's gonna kill us both." I remind him, kissing him again. 

As always, one thing led to another, and then…

"Duff," I whimper out, my bare back wet with sweat from the humidity in the Florida air, my thighs spread as he pushes his fingers in and out of me on the table of the empty tour bus--my dress discarded to the floor, leaving me in only my heels since I wasn't wear a bra or panties, specifically prepared for this moment. 

The wet sounds of his fingers toying with my soaked pussy reverberate off the walls of the bus, only making the ache in me more hungry. 

His tongue swirls around my nipple, and he bites it teasingly, making arch into him, his fingers plunging deeply into me, purposely brushing that spot. 

I runny fingers through his hair as he goes to my other nipple, doing the same to it, making me sigh out in pleasure. 

He kisses my lips before grinning, taking a step back to look between my legs as if admiring me, his bare torso tensing with each breath in, his hand raking over his blonde hair. 

I pull my lip into my mouth, placing my heel on his chest, gently pushing him to sit down across the aisle, and I look at him smugly as he watches me, his hand palming at his crotch. 

I turn over to my hands and knees on the table, arching my ass up and my face down before reaching my hand underneath me to rub at my clit, watching over my shoulder as he takes heavy breaths. 

Two of my fingers tease at my entrance, and I moan out as they slide into me, my walls tightening around my digits as pleasure prickles up my spine. 

He keeps his eyes glued to me as I move my other hand to my clit, my toes curling as I eventually bring myself to orgasm, but I don't have time to recover before Duff's hands are grabbing my hips and his tongue is lapping at my center, sucking at my clit from behind. 

I gasp, my hand reaching back to hold his face to me, my body moving in rhythm with his tongue. 

Moans and whimpers come from me, and he pulls away for a moment, only to pull me into the aisle and push at my back until I've got my hands on the floor, completely bent over as he gets a better angle at eating me out. 

I nearly scream at the sudden accessibility he's got, on his knees, lips and tongue going to work. 

"I'm gonna come." I gasp out and he presses one more kiss to my clit before two of his fingers thrust into my cunt, making my eyes roll back at their demanding pace, curling to hit against my g-spot. 

He stands up, never pulling his hand away as the other hand holds at my hip, leaving to run over my ass cheek for a moment as I begin to spasm around his fingers, my legs shaking as cum runs down them. 

He pulls his fingers from me and I'm standing and turning to face him, sucking them into my mouth and he curses under his breath as I keep them in my mouth, my hand unbuckling his belt and pulling his hard cock out of his jeans, wanting him down my throat at the sight of precum beading at his tip. 

I keep my control, letting his fingers from my mouth as I'm licking my lips and rubbing my thighs together. 

I sit on the edge of the table, my legs spread, my hand between my legs as he steps to me, grabbing his prick and rubbing it against my sensitive folds. 

"Fuck, Vivian." He says softly, smile on his lips as if he still can't believe he's sleeping with me. 

I just grin at him and pull him down to kiss me. 

I cry out when he takes the time to push into me, hitting as deep as he can with a few more inches to spare. 

"Make me take all of it." I tell him after he thrusts a few times. 

He watches my face as he slowly inches it further and further into me, his tip hitting my cervix and pressing against it, making it give way little by little until he's buried in me to the hilt and I feel like he's in my stomach, tears in my eyes from the painful pleasure. 

"This is how deep I want you to go when you come." I tell him, sweat beading between my breasts and he watches it, leaning forward to lick it off my skin. 

"You want me to come in you?" He asks me, knowing the answer but wanting to hear me say it. 

"Yes." I nod, gasping. 

"Why?" He asks and I look down, his shaft disappearing into me and coming out glistening with my juices. 

"Because it feels so good." I reply and he grabs my jaw, his tongue meeting mine in a sloppy, passionate kiss as he picks up his pace. 

I grab his hand and guide it to my bruised throat. 

He almost pulls his hand away but stops when I look at him. 

"You're not gonna--fuck--hurt me." I assure him, my hungry pussy being fed the way its needed, making my eyes roll back and my lids close as my head tilts back.

He slowly grasps my throat, harder and harder, and the sensation sends sharp pleasure straight to my clit. 

My fingers go to play with it, but his fingers move mine from his way, staying in fast rhythm with his thrusts.

"I'm--" I can't finish what I'm saying before he moans out with me tightening around him, further wetting him with my juices as I finish

Within a couple more minutes he's breathing out, his dick twitching before he fits all of his length into my cunt and my body's being christened with his hot cum. 

Once I cool down and clean myself up, I'm going back to him. 

I pull my shirt back over my head as his hand runs up and down my back, his lips catching on the space between my shoulder blades before the fabric of my shirt can cover me, making me laugh. 

"Duff, we--" 

"Dude, we eat on that table!" We hear Stevie pipe, and turn to see him and Izzy looking at us in horror, by the door, where we're sitting on the table. 

"So did Duff, apparently." Izzy says with a crooked smile, cigarette smoke cascading past his lips as he finds it amusing. 

"Sorry." I say to them, quickly getting dressed as Duff gets up to pull his pants on. 

"We didn't see anything, don't worry. We just waited for the screaming to subside." Izzy lets out. "Axl's wondering where you guys are."

"Of course he is." I roll my eyes. 

"Not for that reason. I think he wants to talk to you about Tansy." He adds. 

"Tansy? What about her?" 

"What do you think?" 

"She's not going to rehab until she wants to." I immediately know what he's referring to. "And being that she's not enthusiastic about living, I doubt she cares whether she dies or not." 

"Well, Axl's all worried and googly eyed and gross." Izzy huffs out. 

"Plus, she's our friend, too, and we've all been trying to talk to her about getting some help." Steven tells me, next.

I get my shoes on and step past them to the door. 

"See ya in a few." Duff tells me. 

"See ya in a few." I reply, smiling at him, before going to find Axl.

The irony of anybody from Guns being worried for Tansy due to her drug addiction was exactly that: ironic. 

But I don't blame Axl for not wanting to see the girl he was miserably in love with (well, obsessed and unhealthily infatuated with) on the brink of her own final destruction. I guess because I'd been there with Nikki, myself, and knew how scary it was--even if big, bad, mean machine Axl refused to admit he was scared, I knew he was.

"Have you seen Axl?" I ask Doc as I pass him by, and he furrows his brows. 

"Might check their dressing room, I think." He replies and I nod. 

"Oh, and I'm sorry for mine and Nikki's fight earlier." I say before he can walk off. 

"Don't worry about it, Vivian." He nods a little as I offer a small smile and head to the guys' dressing room. 

The ginger isn't in there and I groan, heading to Mötley's dressing room to check in there, coming face to face with Sparkie. 

"What the hell are you doing in here?" I ask him, cutting my eyes. 

"Waiting for Nikki to get back from the bathroom...what about you?" He replies smugly. 

"Wondering why you're back when Nikki and Axl have both made it clear they don't want to see you again." I state. 

"The bitchy redhead isn't getting in the way of my business." He says, referring to dealing to Nikki. 

"You're so sick." I hiss out in disgust, turning to leave. 

"I'm kinda wanting to add a few drops of fuel to the fire, ya know...tell him about you and Duff." He starts, and I tense up, slowly looking at him. "End the last show of this leg of the tour with a bang." 

"He won't believe you." I try to say it confidently, but my voice cracks just slightly. 

"I don't think you're giving him enough credit, Viv. Sure he's high a lot of the time, but it's not hard to believe when almost all of your time is spent with Duff in some form or fashion--not to mention you lied about your friendship with him from the start, so…" he points out. 

"What gets you off about seeing people in pain? If you're not helping them destroy themselves, you're making things a lot worse for their life." I grit out. 

"I'm not making things worse for his life by telling him about your inability to keep your legs closed. You did--well, still are doing--the crime, I'm just giving him a heads up about it because he's my friend, and my friend needs to know what kind of snake his wife really is." He remarks and I grind my teeth, turning to go again, but he grabs my wrist. 

"Unless she wants to persuade me to keep her secret?" He suggests, his cruddy eyes traveling up my body like they always do. "Last chance, Viv." He adds. "If he finds out, it'll completely shatter him. You don't want that on your hands, do you?" He keeps on, stepping closer to me, his arm sliding around my waist slowly as I stand still, frozen, as my heart pounds in my chest. "It'll just take a few minutes, and then you can go on your merry way, and I won't say a word." He grins, the tip of his nose touching mine, his chapped lips grazing mine as the door opens, revealing Nikki. 

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Forty-Three

Table of Content or Part Forty-Two

Read here on wattpad

Words: 3.6k

Warning(s): Explicit language, Drug abuse, Verbal abuse, Sexual situations

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My head is aching from the pressure put on it after crying for hours on end, balls of tissue shrouding the bed around me.

My mind floods with how I'm going to propose attempting to do one of the two things Nikki despises most, not wanting to ask him about it from the jump, but wanting to fix whatever it is that's lacking in our marriage that has me feeling something for someone who I'm not married to.

I know what's lacking, but I'd rather he  hear it from a professional so he can't accuse me of just throwing out bullshit.

Nikki's been home for a few hours now, but he's been avoiding me.

I wonder if he's mad at me for leaving during the tour, or if he hasn't even thought about me and came home, shot up and passed out.

I'm sick with myself, the approach of Nikki's homecoming causing an onslaught of self-chastisement that occurs in the form of random tidbits of Duff and I in my dream, and the possibility that I'm subconsciously getting ready to give up on my marriage, which is the last thing I want to do.

I hear the front door open and shut, along with the sound of Nikki's footsteps growing closer and closer to our bedroom, the rustling of paper bags accompanying him.

I haven't even realized he left the house.

Nerves ball up in my stomach, my hands get sweaty and my breathing starts getting deep.

"Keep your head clear" I hear Andy's voice in my mind and I calm myself down.

The door opens, and the smell of food wafts in the air.

Nikki's carrying fastfood bags, seemingly decently sober.

I sit up, sniffling, and he hands me my drink and a straw before pulling a cheeseburger out of the paper bag, handing it over to me as well as my fries.

"Do you feel any better?" He asks me, calmly, and I furrow my brows a little. "I knew something was up when you weren't waiting by the door. I came in and you were passed out." He explains, his hand pressing to my forehead. "You don't feel like you're running fever."

"I'm not. I just feel like shit." I mumble, taking a sip of my Pepsi.

"I got this while I was out." He adds, opening another paper bag from our pharmacy and I rub my lips together. "The bottle was on the bathroom counter and saw you haven't gotten a refill yet, so..." He shrugs, handing me a pill of my Nardil.

"Thanks." I say, swallowing it down.

He gets his food and knocks my balled up tissues out of the way as he gets into bed next to me.

"What all did you do?" He asks and I look at him, tensing up.

"What?"

"While you've been here? And I've been gone? What all have you done?" He repeats.

"Oh, just went out a few times with the guys. I stayed at home, mostly." I reply.

"I can tell. This place is spotless." He chuckles, eating a few fries.

"Sharise and Skylar stayed with me at night so I wouldn't be by myself." I add and he shakes his head a little.

"We gotta get you outta that, babe." He states and I raise my brows a little in confusion. "Your 'I can't be alone' mentality."

"What about it?"

"It's not really healthy to be that way, don't you think?"

"I think it's normal. Humans weren't made to be by themselves."

"Viv, not being able to be alone is one thing. Not being able to sleep alone is another." He scoffs.

"Vince doesn't ever sleep alone." I point out.

"That's because Vince fucks and then falls asleep with chicks who aren't his wife." Nikki points out.

"Well, I've fallen asleep with dudes who aren't you." I add.

"Robbin, Steven and Vince don't really count." He tells me. "Well, Vince counts a little, but that's because he's a fucking dick."

"Okay, so, who all counts?" I ask him, trying to keep the light tone in my voice.

His answer is blatantly but casually said as if it's common sense, and further causes me to curl into my shell, even more petrified to suggest what I've been planning to suggest to him:

"Anyone you can see yourself fucking." He says.

My body tenses and my appetite is at a loss.

I don't say much of anything else, listening to him go from the topic of the new album, to Tommy's upcoming wedding, and finally, his fuck up.

"Look, Viv," He starts, throwing the wrapper of his finished burger, aside, and I start putting the trash in the empty bags the food came in before setting them on the night stand on my side of the bed before laying back down, facing him. "I know what I did was--"

"--You made a mistake." I cut him short. "And you're still here, so...it's okay."

"No, it's not okay." He argues and I rub my lips together.

"I don't know what else to say about it, Nikki." I reply and he sighs, getting a little frustrated.

"I want you to care, Vivian." He shoots back and I roll on my back, staring up at my reflection on the ceiling, rubbing my forehead to calm the subtle aching beginning to resurface.

"I do care, Nikki, I just don't understand what you want me to do about it. You're the only one who can fix it and you freak out anytime someone mentions you getting help."

"Jesus fuck." He grumbles, kicking his cowboy boot-clad foot into the mattress a little and I sigh out, agitated, as he's about to get up and probably leave.

"Can you just not run off at the slightest argument we have, for once, Nikki?" I beg, my voice cracking as my throat grows thick with tears. "I've had a horrible past couple weeks and I just need you to hold me because you're my husband and that's..." I can't finish, a wave of obnoxious sobs coming out of nowhere.

"Vivian, what is wrong? Huh?" He asks me, genuinely, scooting closer to me and wrapping his arms around me as I lay against his chest.

It's obvious this goes beyond "I don't feel good."

People don't cry uncontrollably when they have a cold.

"I'm just going through something right now." I reply in between uneven breaths.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

I wish I could tell him everything. Every miscarriage, every repressed fear of our future...having mental sex with Duff.

I know the Duff situation shouldn't be a big deal to me, but it is. A very big deal. A very red flag. A very tiny issue that cam and will manifest if not dealt with accordingly.

Dread of the conversation of seeing a marriage counselor with Nikki sneaks into me, adding to my plate of shit I have yet to disclose to him.

"I don't know." I lie to him. "I guess I just really miss you."

"I'm right here, Viv." He chuckles a little.

I want to say, "the old Nikki", but decide against an entirely different argument, before relaxing a little as he runs his fingertips in random patterns at the bottom of my back, and falling asleep.

The thing that pissed Nikki off about my crying spells, which occurred more often the worse his use got, was that he felt emasculated by it.

He couldn't make me feel better because he couldn't get off drugs, and I couldn't even tell him about the weight on my heart from my misfortune with pregnancy and my growing confusion about my feelings for another man.

He knew he was failing me by having an affair, staying on drugs, disregarding our vows, causing me pain, which made him do more drugs to numb the pain of that knowledge, which made him act out even more.

And all I could do was scream at him, cry, flush his stash, vandalize our house, vandalize his cars and bikes, and screw the support's bassist.

But before we resulted to that...

I let out one more muffled moan as he grabs at a fist full of my hair, delivering one more thrust into me before he's finishing on my bare ass and tucking himself back in his pants.

"Nikki, I thought you said we would talk when you got back home." I lowly remind him as I clean myself off, hearing our friends in our living room.

He takes a drink of his Jack on the  bathroom counter and shrugs.

"We can talk later, babe." He tells me, for the hundredth time since he's been back home two weeks, now, and I rub my lips together.

"Well, Nikki, we kinda need to talk about as soon as we can." I pull my pants and shirt back on.

"And we will. Just chill out."

"Okay, well, we should've talked about it over a week ago if that were the case. And I've been chilling out but I'm starting to get the idea that you don't care."

"If I didn't care what you had to say, I'd tape your pretty little mouth shut, Viv." He drunkenly spurs at me, pulling me closer to him, and I raise a brow. "Don't look at me like that, babe, I--Okay, look. Your buddies are here." He laughs me off, motioning to door, reminding me  Slash, Izzy, Duff, Steven, and even Axl are over here--although I'm sure Axl's only here for the 5'3" platinum blonde playmate that I can hear going back and forth with Steven about how to properly play cards. "Tommy and Vince are coming over, Vince is bringing Sharise and you, her, and Tansy are like the trifecta or something so you can have girl time and catch up. It's gonna be a good time. We'll talk after, alright?" He assures me and I let out a breath.

"Alright." I mumble.

He smirks, giving me a sloppy kiss before I'm heading out to see everybody.

I roll my eyes and head to the kitchen, preparing myself to face Duff, who I haven't seen in three weeks.

We hung out once after I stayed at their place, and that's been it.

I step into the kitchen to see someone in our fridge, grabbing a beer, and when the door shuts I'm face to face with all six feet and four inches of McKagan.

"There you are." He chuckles out, opening the bottle with an opener on his keys and I try to catch my breath and not show signs of panic. "Thought you'd, like, died or something." He adds.

"Oh, no, I just didn't feel good." I explain.

"Yeah, Nikki told me." He replies, taking a sip of his beer. "Do you feel better now?" He asks me and I nod, although it's certain I'm not 'okay' necessarily. "You sure?"

"Yeah." I lie, smiling a little.

It was bullshit, he knew it was bullshit.

"Alright." He doesn't ask again, instead stepping to the kitchen door, purposely shoving at me with his shoulder, nearly knocking me down.

I fire back, shoving at him with mine, and we continue until we're laughing, racing to the living room.

There's an exposed seat beside Tansy and we both eye it before rambunctiously trying to see who gets there first.

We get there simultaneously, sitting down, scrunched into each other as we fight for our footing, more so assing, as we both make an effort to worm the other person off of the couch cushion.

"Move giraffe neck!" I demand in a laugh, struggling to get him out of the way.

"Not a chance, mother mary!" He replies in the same tone, managing to keep his beer from spilling.

He wins, eventually, getting me out of the way.

I'm about to give him a light hearted earful when he's pulling me into his lap.

I make sure to keep my ass on his knees, nowhere near his crotch, and he's not thinking anything of it, obviously, until Axl hears Nikki coming out of our bedroom, and I'm too busy laughing to notice.

Axl's black boot is kicking out and shoving me to the floor before Nikki can see me on Duff, and Duff and I look at the red head, about to go off on him, until we realize what he did.

Nikki's obviously just shot up, wiping the dribble of vomit from his chin with the back of his hand as his eyes play their tricks.

I'm assuming it was a speedball.

I know damn well we aren't having that talk tonight...or ever, possibly.

Never will be a good time.

The doorbell rings, and I'm eager to jump up and see who it is, to avoid going off on Nikki, crossing my fingers that it's hopefully Vince, Sharise, and Tommy.

I open the door, my eyes immediately going to Skylar's round, chubby little face as she wears a baby pink, velvet headband with a giant matching velvet flower attached to it, and a long sleeved, white onesie with baby pink socks on her little feet.

"Hey, guys." I say, stepping aside to let them in.

"'Sup, Viv." Tommy grins out widely, patting my head. His energetic mood is a deep contrast of Vince's.

"Hey." Sharise gives me a side hug and I let Skylar wrap her hand around my finger, looking at me with wide eyes and eye brows that clearly show the expression that she knows me but also doesn't know me.

"Hey, Viv." Vince flatly greets me, giving me a peck on the cheek, irritated, and I can see Sharise is in the same mood.

Great. Another couple that's wanting to kill each other. Nikki and I are in good company.

"Hey, Vince." I reply as he follows Tommy.

Skylar is kicking her feet, smiling and waving her hands, now, and Sharise hands her over to me.

"Hey, pretty girl." I greet her as me and her mom go to the living room with everyone...just in time to see Steven ripping a bong. "Baby!" I call, and all their attention shifts to the kid in my arms and they all groan a little.

Rule of "Baby": no drinking from bottles, smoking cigarettes, doing drugs, being gross with groupies, dropping f-bombs, or being a jackass when a child is around...even if the child isn't even one year yet.

It came after Skylar let out a loud and proud "Fuh!" a month prior, and at first we thought it was a random noise she was making while babbling, until she repeated the word over time until it was  pretty obvious she was practicing her pronunciation of the word "fuck," which she had heard from every person in that room.

After that, anytime someone called "baby" the cigarettes were put out, the drugs were put up, the groupies were put on behavioral probation, the alcohol was put into solo cups and the bottles were hidden, and everyone's favorite word was forbidden.

Of course they could go to another room and do anything they wanted, just not with a child in sight.

And they could complain all they wanted, but I think they liked the thought of kids being the only people able to make them clean up their act, even temporarily.

Steven puts his bong away, Duff gathers the liquor bottles and heads to the kitchen to pour it into solo cups, Slash puts out his cigarette and Nikki...

"It's fucking stupid. She's not gonna remember anything of it." Nikki snaps out a couple minutes later as Duff attempts to hand him a cup of Jack, but he refuses, motioning to Skylar once Sharise, Tansy, Steven and I are in the floor with her, and I roll my eyes.

"Babe, it's just for a few minutes. She's gonna go to sleep eventually." I tell him calmly.

"Yeah, Nikki, she usually goes to bed about an hour from now." Sharise adds.

"Sharise, it's his house." Vince takes up for Nikki. "He doesn't come over to our house and dictate what we do and don't do." 

"They can still do it, just not around our daughter." Sharise tells him.

"Exactly. There's plenty of other rooms in the house and an entire back yard." I add.

"Why bring your baby to a fucking get together like this, anyway?" Nikki asks her rudely. "You guys don't have a nanny or something?"

"Nikki." I scold him, giving him a "shut up" look.

He ignores me.

"I-I don't want a nanny raising my daughter, Nikki." Sharise states, trying to keep her cool.

"Well, then why didn't you just stay home?" He continues to come after her.

"Dude." Izzy mumbles behind us, obviously getting fed up, and I pray he doesn't say anything to Nikki or Vince to fuel the fire.

Izzy wasn't into ego, and Nikki and Vince had plenty of it...well, Vince and Sikki.

"Because I wanted to see her." I reply before Sharise can. "And the baby."

"Of course you did because stick-in-the mud Sober Sixx really knows how to keep the party going: a fucking baby." Nikki scoffs, cutting his eyes at me.

"I'd rather be known as a stick-in-the-mud than known for sticking myself at 45° angles." I snap harshly.

Everyone winces a little, and Nikki grinds his teeth together.

"What the hell is your fucking problem?!" Nikki barks at me.

"Oh, I am so glad you asked, I've only been trying to talk to you about for the past two and a half weeks!" I snap.

"Well it's not my problem I've got more important things to do than listen to you whine about our fucking relationship! You've only been doing for nearly two years now, but then you never really tell me what the fuck is wrong, so I'm kinda fucking numb to it by now!"

"I wouldn't expect you not to be numb to it, Nikki! I would be, too, if my nerves were as shot as every last cc of junk I blew my freaking money on!"

"Maybe we should go outside for a little bit--"

"--Sit down!" Nikki and I both yell at Steven before he can stand up, causing everyone else to awkwardly settle back into their seats, because they were getting ready to follow him out.

"Okay." He calmly mumbles, reaching for his cup of booze before he starts chugging.

In fact, I'm noticing them all taking more and more long sips of their drinks.

They're probably going to have grey hairs from stress after leaving tonight.

"See, look, you're turning my friends into alcoholics with your bullshit!" I accuse Nikki and he let's out a loud "HA!"

"Okay, so they're just your friends, now?!" He let's out.

By this point Skylar starts getting fussy with our screaming and Sharise attempts to calm her down.

I'm about to ask her to politely go take Skylar outside or to a different part of the house, even though by the looks of it, she's getting ready to do so anyway.

"Can you shut your God damn baby up, Sharise?!" Nikki's going after her again.

Now it seems either Izzy, Axl or Duff is about to say something, until I intervene to save them a fist fight with someone who can help their careers...not that they would even want his help anymore.

"Can you shut your God damn mouth up, Nikki?!" I stand up, ready to punch him, again, and he stands, too.

"Alright, guys--" Tommy starts but is quickly shut up with a glare from Nikki.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Viv, this is why I'm on smack! So I can get a fucking escape from being trapped in a house with you!"

"For someone who's so miserable being married to me, you sure as hell were adamant about doing so!"

"Until I realized I married a fucking psychopath!" He throws at me, pointing his finger my way.

"And I married a junkie!" I shoot back. "And all you're ever gonna be is a freaking junkie and all you're ever gonna do is junk and party and convince yourself you don't need help when you clearly do! You don't give a fuck about me or our marriage and thank fucking God we don't have kids because you'd probably sell one of them for more smack when we run out of money after your career goes down in flames when you stop giving a single fuck about music, which will probably happen in the next year since you're already writing shitty songs!" I can't stop what's coming out of my mouth, seeing him being hurt by it, disguising it as angry tears when I know I struck a chord of an entirely new emotion in him.

He was already beginning to get discouraged with his new music he was working up for the band's next album, but what I said just validated his lack of confidence.

"I'm not just gonna do junk." He calms down, which let's me know he's officially at his pique. "I'm gonna file for divorce, pack up all your shit, and have it in the yard by tomorrow night, and I'm finally gonna tell you how much I hate being married to you." He tells me and I nod like he's being serious.

"You're such a fucking--" Duff starts but I interrupt him. 

I don't even think Nikki notices.

"No, you're gonna go feel sorry for yourself, lock yourself in the closet, shoot up, wake up, feel like a fucking prick--because you are one--then you're gonna ignore me for a few days even though you know I'm right, then we're gonna go to Tommy and Heather's wedding, and the day after, I'm calling Doc and Bob Timmons, we will be attending therapy for our marriage and you will be dragged to rehab kicking and screaming."

And thus the battle between Sikki Nixx and Rabid Bitch Vivian began with no inkling it would become a full-blown war.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Thirty-Six

Table of Content or Part Thirty-Five

Read on wattpad here.

Word count: 3.3k

Warning(s): Explicit language, drug abuse, explicit sexual situations

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"If you weren't such an asshole, he wouldn't have to take up for me!" I bark at Nikki as he tipsily stumbles around, ranting at me about my "fucking friend not minding his own god damn business" nearly a week ago, as the guys and Doc just look on, not knowing what the hell either of us are talking about.

"I'm an asshole?! Like you don't get me riled up and then play victim?!" He throws at me.

"Like it takes very much to get your tweaked-out ass riled up!" I point at him.

"Bitch!" He sneers out.

"Fuck up!" I hiss back.

Duff wasn't even out of line with Nikki. He had kept calm and advised Nikki to cool down and then come back and talk to me instead of getting himself and me upset.

Nikki hadn't let on if he minded Duff's intervening to defend me, until a week later, because he was taking it as Duff trying to tell him how to be married to me as if he knew me better than Nikki did, which wasn't at all Duff's intention.

Compared to the number I've seen Duff do on guys during a fist fight, Nikki was lucky he didn't lay him out in the driveway. However, he would eventually know what it felt like to be punched in the face by Duff during the "Girls" tour.

Duff was good at keeping his cool until the people he cared about became involved, and if he had been drinking a lot--which, towards the early 90s, that was the case--his temper could surpass mine, and he worried less about legalities and just started decking people as hard as he could.

I knew he struggled with the band, they weren't as close, Steven had been replaced by Matt Sorum, Izzy got sober and began distancing himself to stay sober, and to top off the disconnect from each other, Axl had become God in his own mind, which caused the fans, the band, and the people around him to suffer.

Once I realized his drinking and drug use became so overzealous, our agreement which was arranged out of court, that each of us have two weeks with Monroe a piece, became an arrangement that I had sole custody but took Monroe to visit his father for a few days out of the month. Duff was struggling so badly to keep it together with his mental health, addiction, and ailing of his band, that he didn't really notice I had our son more than he did.

If he had been a baby and wouldn't remember his father throwing back Solo cup after Solo cup of vodka, putting cocaine in the end of his cigarette and smoking it, and not acting like himself, I would have just left Monroe in the care of Tansy (since she was fully sober then) and let him stay around for two weeks.

But he was four when Duff started speeding down hill, and he was picking up on when his dad wasn't talking right and when he was acting weird, everything he saw that no one knew he was paying attention to...then he'd come back to me and Nikki after visiting and tell us about everything he had absorbed like a sponge: uncle Izzy traveling separately from the band, Dad being really cold and shivering until he got some water, uncle Axl not singing until a lot of people went home...that's when I decided to cut back time spent with his father and accompany him through his visits.

At first I thought I would be fine staying the two weeks out of the month with Monroe, but Axl and I couldn't quit fighting a majority of the time (because he was a jackass) and I came to the conclusion that Duff had enough on his plate and didn't need me to add to it by trying to punch Axl every chance I got for two weeks straight. So I cut it back to about five days out the month while they were on tour. When they weren't touring and I didn't have to be around Axl, Monroe and I would stay with Duff for about a week and a half.

Being that Nikki was more conscious than Duff, he took up where Duff had left off in the fathering department from '92-'94. This isn't me bashing the dad of my first child, either. Duff is and always will be a phenomenal father, but he stumbled for a few years, leaving Nikki to become the father Duff was supposed to be until Duff got his shit together, like Duff became the man for me that Nikki was suppose to be until Nikki got his shit together.

"Um..." Vince says, causing the both of us to glare at him. "...Can we rehearse now?"

He, Tommy, Mick and Doc were all patiently waiting for Nikki and I to finish our quarrel.

"Yeah." I sigh out. "Have a good rehearsal. I'll be at Tansy's." I head to the door.

"I hope you crash." Nikki gets one last jab in.

"I hope you OD." I leave them with the slamming of the studio door and step to my car.

Of course I didn't actually want him to OD, I just wanted to hurt him. And I did.

By the time it was time for the U.S. tour of Theater of Pain, our hands were being pinned behind our backs, and Doc was giving us a "get along or there's no Vivian Sixx on the tour" promise.

Although we were in the middle of a small battle and wanted nothing more than for the other person to wave their white flag and beg for forgiveness, Nikki didn't want to imagine going months without seeing me, and I was scared if I wasn't on tour to keep an eye on him, he would take his issues too far.

So we made up for the sake of each other's sanity, but again, never discussed what exactly happened to make us fight to begin with, and just harbored resentment we didn't realize we were holding onto until we started taking it out on each other later on.

The tour starts in upstate New York, then to Connecticut, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and all went great...until Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Nikki's coming to the side of the stage where me and his tech are standing, and I think he's reaching for some water while Tommy plays his drum solo, but before I can reach down and grab a bottle from the cooler behind me, Nikki's saying words I always dread hearing.

"Help me, dude." He tells his tech, starting to pull his arm out of his navy and white polka-dotted costume.

"What?" I ask Nikki, before my face pales, seeing him pull a needle out of his boot, and a spoon before handing the lump of tar to him. "You cannot be fucking serious?" I spout over the booming of Tommy's playing.

"Nobody out there can fucking see me, Viv, chill out." He tells me as a piece of tar is melted down with a lighter underneath the spoon.

The fact that it's so casual for him to do this in front of me, is startling.

"Nikki, this can't wait?" I try to reason with him as the spoon is discarded to the floor once the gold is sucked up through the needle.

The syringe is handed back to him, and Tommy's solo is nearly over.

I have to squeeze my eyes shut and turn my head as Nikki plunges the needle into his skin, throws up, then stumbles back on stage, nearly missing his cue.

When the drugs started to override his need for a great performance, I knew he was gone.

I get out of the shower, ringing my hair out and running my fingers through it, hearing the phone in the hotel room ring.

When I go to answer it, Nikki and Tommy are grabbing at it, shewing me away.

"Hello?" They both obnoxiously say and I roll my eyes.

The person on the other side of the phone says something.

"Oh, hey, Duff." Nikki smirks, glancing at me and I give him a "you better be fucking nice" look.

"Hey, Buddy." Tommy adds.

"Viv? Yeah, she's here." Nikki tells him and I step to them, reaching my hand out to grab the phone, thinking he's going to give it to me. "Well, she can't really talk right now with my dick down her throat."

My eyes bug out of my head as I tackle Nikki and yank the phone from him while he and Tommy laugh loudly.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Hey, s-sorry to interrupt but I was just gonna call and check how it's been going." Duff replies.

"It's great." I assure him, leaving out the heavy drinking and drug binge Nikki and Tommy have been on.

"How's Nikki been? Is he still pissed at me?"

"No, no, he's been..." I think of what to say. Shooting heroin on stage? Coked out and shooting Jack Daniels with Tommy? "...great." I finally say, seeing Nikki and Tommy biting each others ankles like dogs.

"I'm sorry again if I overstepped, Viv. I didn't mean to, I just got a little pissed." He tells me.

"Duff, he's fine, I promise." I state, seeing Tommy and Nikki start wrestling, completely oblivious to my conversation. "It's fine. I'm use to his tantrums."

"I don't think that's healthy, Viv." He tells me calmly and I let out a breath.

"He's just stressed out, they all are. It'll get better once this tour is done."

"And what happens next tour?" He asks me.

Nikki's affair is outed on television, I try to kill him, your band comes on tour with them, and you get me knocked up...

"I'm hoping he'll be over this hellion phase by then." I admit, Tommy and Nikki each have handfuls of each other's hair, yanking on it, still not paying me any attention.

"Maybe it's not my place, but from outside looking in, I'm worried about you, Viv."

"I know, I know, but there's no need to." I reassure him.

He let's out a breath, knowing he can't win, and gives up for now.

"I feel like the fucking brick wall you argue with." He tells me and I smile, rubbing my lips together, before seeing Nikki and Tommy finish their play fighting, standing up, looking like they're about to leave.

"Hey, I gotta go but I'll call you when we get to the next city, alright?" I tell him.

"Oh, yeah, that sounds good." He replies. "Goodnight, love you."

"Love you, too." I reply before hanging up just as Nikki and Tommy sneak to the door. "Where do you two think you're going?" I ask and they freeze.

"Uh, well..." Tommy stutters to come up with an excuse, but Nikki just doesn't give a shit.

"Score some stuff." He tells me and I cross my arms over my towel.

"Nikki--"

"Tommy, can you give us a second?" Nikki says it like the answer can't be "no."

Tommy just raises his brows a little and nods.

"Sure, man, I'll be in my room when you're ready." He tells him, stepping out.

Nikki shuts the door behind him and I wait for him to start a fight, my brow raised, an expression of "can't wait to hear what audacious bullshit comes out of your mouth this time" is plastered all over my face when he turns around.

As far as I can tell, he hasn't snorted, shot up or smoked anything in the past hour and a half, which means I'm not facing the absolute devil that goes by the name "Sikki" and is Nikki's evil, drug loaded, irritable, mean, scary, abusive, demonic, sadistic, cruel, vindictive, disgusting alter-ego.

Nikki rolls his jaw a little with each step to me, but I don't cower back, waiting for him to say whatever it is he is going to say.

His hands bunch at my towel, pulling me against him.

He doesn't say a word, and I keep my arms crossed until he holds back the inkling of a smirk, leaning down to press a small kiss where my shoulder and neck meet.

I know what he's doing, because I do it to him all the time: using sex to get what he wants.

I bite my tongue to keep from moaning when we realizes I'm not budging and ups the anti, the tip of his tongue making slow, figure-eights in the same spot.

I feel like someone's knocked the back of my knees loose with a baseball bat, and I have to uncross my arms and hold tightly to him to keep from falling down.

He completely engulfs me in his arms at the sound of me letting out a whimper, my fingers grabbing at his hair, my legs rubbing themselves together to aid some relief.

His hands pull at my towel, discarding it to the floor, pressing his lips along my chest, over my breast, running his tongue around my nipple skillfully.

Hands run themselves between my legs while teeth carnally tug and bruise my skin, sending a wave of heat from my chest to my dripping core.

His mouth moves to my other nipple, but my real undoing is when his teeth trail down to the rib below my right breast, and bite down.

I gasp out, arching into him, my head tips back as he adds a bruise to the skin there that's already scarred with his teeth imprints collected over the years.

He smooths his tongue over the bite before trailing down my stomach, pressing to my pubic bone.

He pulls one of my legs over his shoulder as he gets on his knees, pressing gentle kisses down my inner thigh.

My chest is heaving with loss of breath as he looks me in the eyes and runs tongue from my entrance to my clit.

I dig my nails into his hands that hold steady at my waist as the slick sound and euphoric feeling of his tongue lacing back and forth and side to side against the sensitive nerve endings.

He pulls away for a moment, only to spit between my legs and suck it off my pussy, making my one standing leg go numb at the sensation.

Shallow pants leave my mouth as I start moving in rhythm with him, one of my hands reaching for his hair, pulling at it.

He takes one of his hands from me before rubbing it against my folds, getting his fingers wet, and sliding them into me.

The thick, fullness has my walls tightening around the two digits, eager to please myself as his tongue massages my clit, and my fingers come up to play with my own nipples.

"Nikki." I let out shakily, his fingers curling inside of me, pulling back out, pushing back in only to repeat. "Fuck, you do it so good." I praise hoarsely, one of my hands going back to his hair.

His tongue picks up it's pace, sending my heart rate into overdrive as his fingers keep up with the pace.

He knows exactly what he's doing, smirking up at me when his fingers hit the spot, my throat unable to contain the loud but curt moan that the people in the room next to us can probably hear as I milk his fingers as if they're his cock and my orgasm gets closer and closer.

He pulls his mouth away, licking his lips, before using the pad of his thumb from his other hand to rapidly rub at my swollen flesh.

I grip around his fingers so tightly it falters his ability to move them as well, and he lets out a little groan.

"I wish I could be three places at one time." He comments.

If he could be three places in me at one time I would be wrapped around him 24/7.

"C'mon, Viv, I'm getting really thirsty here." He says gruffly, that fucking smirk pulling at a corner of his mouth, as I throw my head back, letting out another loud moan, so close to my end I can taste it.

His hazel eyes looking up at me in adoration as I curl my toes and come so hard I see black dots.

He's taking his fingers out of me, grabbing at my ass with both hands, pulling me into him and licking every last drop of cum from me before I collapse on top of him, the both of us landing on the floor.

He let's out a laugh as I try to catch my breath, my chest pressed against his, my hands holding at his biceps.

"Are you okay?" He asks me, proudly, and I nod.

"I just need a minute..." I can barely get out in a rasp.

After about five minutes, I'm getting off of him and pulling myself onto the foot of the bed.

He stands up, too, stepping to my suitcase, tossing me one of his shirts he gave to me.

"Thank you." I say to him quietly and pull it on and when he pulls his jacket on, I know he's about to go out to get some more smack.

This terrifies me and tears come to my eyes.

"I'll be back in..." He stops talking, furrowing his brows, looking at me. "...Viv?"

I shake my head a little, waving him off.

"I'm fine, babe." I try to tell him.

"Vivian, why're crying." He asks me.

"I-I think I'm about to start my period." I lie, sniffling. "I'm just being over-emotional."

"Are you sure?"

I nod.

"I'll be back in a couple hours, alright?"

I nod again.

"Alright, I'll see you later." He tells me, wiping my tears with his thumb before pressing his lips to mine for a few seconds, and walking out the door.

When I envisioned my life when I was little, getting married at nineteen, having three miscarriages by the time I was twenty-one, having an addict husband, and spending a majority of my nights sleeping alone—which is one thing I absolutely hated to do—was not at all how I dreamt of my life being when I grew up.

But there I was.

Night after night.

City after city.

Alone.

In pain.

Broken.

Silent.

With not a single soul knowing about it.

It's been four hours and Nikki still isn't back.

Restless, I turn over to read the digital alarm clock.

4:02a.m.

Sighing out, I get out of the bed and go to my suitcase to grab a pair of panties and slip them on, before grabbing one of Nikki's shirts from his bag that smells like him.

I leave the hotel room and head next door to Vince's room, knocking on the door.

After several attempts, the door opens to reveal a very confused, half asleep, blonde girl that isn't Sharise—who's baby is due any day now.

"Hi." I say, hushly, pushing past her. "Did you guys do anything in the bed?" I ask her once I'm standing by the bed and she rubs her eyes, still in a haze.

She mumbles something that sounds like "the shower" and I hold out my room key to her.

"You can go sleep in my bed. Room 223." I say.

She doesn't ask questions, she just wants to go back to sleep.

Once she shuts the door, I'm patting around the mattress to avoid laying on Vince.

I slip in where she was, Vince's back to me.

I seperate his naked body from me by laying on top of the sheet, just letting the comforter guard me from the cool air from the vent, and actually snuggle closer to him, my forehead pressing against his back as I hold Nikki's shirt close to me like it's my sacred baby blanket, and drift off.