#I mean it was indeed the most tragic and depressing thing I read but the last chapter healed me idc

[thatsitso]

So I finished orv

[icharchivist]

the thing with Nehan and how much his plotline is destroying me, is that, I was playing the game for a while when he made his first appearance. To me, i read an event, i fell for a really tragic, depressed, suicidal catboy, who’s only saving grace was this one kid he was pushing away, who was pushing himself through the most self destructive behavior in the world, who was perfectly aware that his anger was unfair toward Seox but that without this anger he has no will to live, and then the event ended with Nehan almost dying and being in a coma. 

On top of that the reason he almost died was pretty vague in the story itself, so for like, a strong day i thought he tried to kill himself, before a friend pointed out that if you click on the skip button it makes clear it’s someone who tried to kill him.

and then he was in coma and we didn’t know if he’d ever wake up.

We got a Mugen unit, and Mugen’s FE was all about how he wanted to travel and discover happy things, so that then he could share them with Nehan and perhaps it would mean Nehan will wake up. That Mugen was finding happy things in the world only to share them with Nehan.

And the FE that ends with reminding Mugen that, more than looking for happy things for Nehan, Mugen should look for happy things for himself, and that will be enough to make Nehan happy, and Mugen tells it all to Nehan while Nehan is in the coma, then leaves the room to go play with the kids hoping to play with Nehan again, and the FE ends on “for a minute, a smile was on Nehan’s face and his eyelids moved a little as if he was ready to awake, before falling back to sleep” and the notion that indeed, Mugen’s happiness would be Nehan’s salvation. 

and then. Nothing. 

We had a strong year without information about Nehan, only that he was in coma, that Mugen was desperate to find way to wake him up. All of Mugen’s holidays line in that one year was all about how he wanted to learn about the world so he could wake Nehan up and make him want to be alive in this world as well. You’d play with Mugen in your party and for example if he was made KO, he would weep and call for Nehan. 

It was one full year of remembering Nehan was in the coma, too suicidal to even want to wake up, already having given up on life.

And then out of nowhere, they dropped an unit for him. An unit where it was made clear to us that, he woke up, he’s reunited with Mugen now, and that as he was left on Stardust Town, every orphans here decided to work together with Mugen to give Nehan some will to live. 

and Nehan is still so fundamentally emotionally numb, he’s still so depressed, there is nothing about his own mindset that changed except that he let go of his anger toward Seox. But he’s also now devoted in being a good parent to Mugen, and by extention, to all the orphans who are making their purpose to cheer him up just like Mugen.

Nehan is still fundamentally broken, but “i cannot make the children sad, so i have to try for them” is literally all that’s carrying him forward.

And so now you get to see the process of healing. You hear from his holidays line that he has no interest in life in any shape or form but Mugen is so insistent on him being happy that Nehan has no choice but to accept it, even if he feels so undeserving of it. And then you have Mugen’s holidays lines that moved from the angst of him trying to desperately wake up Nehan, to him being overly excited about making Nehan happy, and stubborn about making sure Nehan accept this happiness.

Like there’s this whole holiday line on Christmas where Mugen insists Nehan gets gifts because “on Christmas we give gifts to good kids, and Nehan is a good kid”, and Nehan feels so underserving he tries to fight it back, to tell Mugen that Nehan doesn’t deserve any of it, that Mugen is the goodest kid and that he should focus on himself instead, but Mugen won’t budge so now Nehan is just obligated to accept that he’s loved and that there’s value in his life.

And like, the plotline itself is just, so damn effective, but god, having spent one full year not knowing if Nehan would ever wake up because he was so profoundly suicidal at this point that he had no reason to want to wake up, only to see him wake up, still be depressed, but doing an effort because he has a whole team of kids wanting him to get better and he just doesn’t want to make those kids sad? 

Peak storyline, and honestly, peak way to bring back someone who was an antagonist. 

And it makes me so emo when i see the new arts because Nehan is so constantly surrounded with kids and supported in some way by them, especially now that he’s more physically disabled than before.  We know Nehan spent his entire life in various systems that would abuse him, torture him, isolate him, that he had no one in his life and anyone he might have was set up to hurt him.  and now you never see him alone, and you always see him supported.

Nehan’s recovery arc means the world to me and i wish the best to him for ever. 

To catdad.

[iironwreath]

Common Ground [Ulysses]

Ulysses figured that if the succubus escaped, she’d be the second person to know—and then she wouldn’t know anything at all, because she’d be dead. Her curiosity was motivated by her will to live by appealing to Dicentra’s good side, but also existed nakedly and pure. She wanted to know more about Dicentra, plain and simple, and she was right there to ask. 

“You said you don’t eat food or water,” Ulysses said the following day. “What do you live on, then? If anything.”

“Souls.”

“Is that a joke?”

“Am I laughing?”

“I dunno, you could have a good poker-face.”

Dicentra sighed, arcing horizontally across the cage so her other shoulder took her weight. Her legs and tail curled closer to her body. “I’m half-serious. I eat food for pleasure, but what we need to sustain ourselves is the life-force of mortals.”

Ulysses shrivelled backwards. “Does that happen…passively?”

“No. I need to do it.” Dicentra’s eyes fluttered shut. The shadows made the shallows under her eyes deeper. “Unless your wizard friend has a hidden stash of humans for me to drain, I’m going to wither.”

“So you’re like a vampire?”

Dicentra’s eyes flew open to glare at her. “No, I don’t drink blood. It’s not the same.” Her wing-stumps flexed reflexively behind her—an angry tic?—and she winced. She used her pain to infuse more heat into the glare. “Most living things break down some sort of sustenance for energy. You eating food and drinking water is a form of that; are you a vampire?”

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“You could pass for one, the way you dress. Or are you the victim who falls for the vampire’s seduction?”

It was Uly’s turn to glower. 

—

“Does skin contact help with charming?”

“It makes no difference. I’m going to dispel your preconceived notions about succubi.” Dicentra paused. “And also probably confirm some others.”

“I don’t have that many,” Ulysses said, scratching their jaw. They’d been reading what they could find in Aldous’ archive. He probably had better information in his personal library. “Not because I don’t think of you in a stereotypical way, but because I don’t know much about fiends.”

“Do you think about me in a stereotypical way?” Dicentra asked.

“That’s for you to decide, I think.”

“Do you think I’d sleep with anything with a pulse?”

“Not really?”

“Then you have a head start.”

—

“Will they grow back?”

"You ask a lot of questions."

“You keep answering them. I’d make a shit apprentice if I didn’t ask questions. Not that he seems to think so. But if you’re telling me to fuck off, noted.”

Dicentra’s expression lost some of its edge. “They would, normally, if the bastard didn’t keep cutting them off.”

Ulysses pinched her lips and nodded—not just to acknowledge that they'd grow back, but that Aldous was, indeed, a bastard. She hoped that carried through. Dicentra nodded back.

—

“So,” Ulysses said, hands thrust deep in their pockets. “Gender.”

“What about it?”

“Aldous said you were a shapechanger,” Ulysses explained. “It got me wondering: are we misgendering you?”

Dicentra shook her head. “No. Our relationship with gender is as varied and complicated as yours. Our advantage comes from being able to change our bodies to match how we want to present, whether it be static or fluid or physically fluid even if our gender is static. I’m a woman, personally, but I have a sibling who’s very different from me.” 

Ulysses’ brows ascended towards her hairline. “You can have siblings?”

Dicentra frowned; not with fury or malice, but regret. “Forget I said anything.”

“Do you miss them?”

“Annoyingly, yes.”

“I don’t have any siblings,” Uly said, hoping to ease the sting of the admission with information about herself. Why they wanted to do that, they didn’t know. It was both impressive and depressing that Aldous made a literal devil—a supposed creature of evil—civil and enjoyable to talk to by comparison. “That I know of. I’m adopted.”

“Tragic.”

“Wait until you hear why.”

“Don’t tell me,” Dicentra warned. “I mean that.”

Ulysses shrugged. “Alright, I won’t tell you about my moonstone dragon mother.”

“Shut up. You’re kidding.”

“I’m not.”

“Explains you.” Dicentra twisted her restraints, remembered she couldn’t move her arms, and sagged into the bars. “Am I…misgendering you?”

Ulysses wanted to delve deeper, ask what Dicentra meant by Uly's moonstone dragon mother "explaining" her. She could think of why, but she wanted to know what Dicentra picked up on, what her unique perspective was.

At the same time, she didn’t. It was an invitation for mockery. “I’m not a woman, but no, you’re not.”

—

“I’m adopted, too, actually,” Dicentra said unprompted while Ulysses reshelved books.

Uly abandoned the books and walked around the shelf. “Are you fucking with me?”

“No.”

“How does that work?”

“How would it work differently? You have someone who takes you in, teaches you, cares for you, loves you.”

“I don’t know if that’s my experience with my adopted mother,” Ulysses scoffed. “But fair enough.”

—

Ulysses dragged a stool outside the cage and sat down.

“Why do you keep answering my questions?” she asked.

Dicentra studied them, then stared straight ahead, her face too listless to hold any expression for long. She looked more etiolated by the week. Ulysses had told Aldous about the lifeforce thing; she wanted Dicentra alive to mollify Aldous’s wrath as much as she wanted their talks to continue. But even if he wanted to feed her, could Dicentra do it without the use of her innate magic? Would she even eat, or would she starve herself so she could die? Maybe he and Doolan were figuring out a system; they were powerful enough for it. 

Was it even talking, though, with one of them behind bars? Didn't that make it interrogation?

“I like your voice,” Dicentra said. “You’re funny, sometimes. It's the only entertainment I have.” The corner of her mouth twitched with the phantom of amusement. “I get satisfaction from giving you information Aldous has to struggle for. Unless you’re telling him everything, in which case, fuck you.”

“You seem smart enough to know that was always a risk in telling me anything, so I’ll take the compliment. Do you like books?”

Dicentra’s gaze turned towards the shelves rising about her on all sides, her eyes brimming with longing. “Yes.”

“I can’t share my research, but maybe I could read to you sometime.”

“Why?”

“I would rather be at the Hall of Erudition, but they saddled Aldous with me and me with him. I get bored, too.”

“Is that why you’re asking so many questions?”

Uly mirrored her miniature, vindicated smile. “Maybe a bit, yeah. And to spite him, too.”

[tamelee]

Why are Naruto fans so confused about what's canon and what's not? When I watched Naruto growing up people just knew that anything not written by Kishimoto wasn't canon. Suddenly after The Last and those terrible novels, all of which can't even stick to the most simple world building facts, they want to know whether external material is canon. How can you believe that The Last is canon when they erased Naruto's backstory just to make Hinata have a more important role in his life. Hinata was never bullied, the Hyuuga are seen as a prestigious clan how can the heiress (at the time) get bullied for her eyes. Naruto had an extremely lonely childhood, he was not friends with his classmates. When the rookies were introduced he didn't have a single nice thing to say about any of them and he called Hinata a weirdo. A jinchuuriki is not supposed to be able to fall for a genjustu and yet that's how he falls in love with her. By finding out everything she did for him and being guilted into it by other characters as well (why would Shikamaru and Sai even care... Sakura, maybe). Compare his expression during his confession for Hinata to his expression telling Sasuke that he's glad he met him under the bridge. Where did Naruto even go!? He was replaced by a depressed clone in this movie. They needed a reason for him to ignore her confession except it couldn't be the obvious one: he doesn't return her feelings, so he suddenly compares love to ramen and doesn't know what love is even though the sage of six paths specifically said that both Naruto and Sasuke know what love is and he told Zabuza that Haku loved him (let's ignore Naruto showing his love for Sasuke). And it would be a complete embarrassment to consider that SS fanfiction canon. Dinosaurs, kissing on top of Naruto's unconscious/dying body, Naruto getting a chakra sickness that has no mention in anything written by Kishi, Sasuke playing poker, watching cherry blossoms thinking of Sakura, saying that he knows Sakura's body, Sakura riding a motorbike to the moon, Sasuke getting jealous of another man being close to Sakura, Sakura knowing fire style justu, Sasuke knowing medical ninjutsu, a chakra ring that doesn't exist anywhere else except this novel and Sasuke wanting to keep their marriage a secret to protect Sakura (but in Gaiden Sakura plasters the crest everywhere), I'm not even going to mention all the cheesy lines about Sakura. But the author, Jun Esaka, only got into Naruto a year before writing this fic and you can tell she either didn't read the original source material or didn't understand it. She even said that the novel was just her interpretation

*nods* beautifully said Non.e ✨♡

But damn, the SS-fanfic Sasuke Retsuden novel is even worse than I thought. 

I indeed read something about Dinosaurs “bUt iT’s A nUdGe ToWarDs hiS plUshY!!” Yeah, still doesn’t make sense though? Also Sasuke would NEVER do something so disrespectful when Naruto is unconscious/dying.. instead:

And excuse me what? Chakra sickness? Naruto!?

This is how he started out:

Also meaning that this Kage Bunshin bullshit to “save Hinata” from the bullies in her made-up tragic past so she can have some sympathy time with kid!Naruto in ‘the Last’ is impossible. Read: Not Canon. 

Anyway-

Manga: “no matter how great the amount of chakra you summon and manipulate, if you can’t maintain your balance, whatever the technique, not only will the effectiveness of your maneuver be cut in half, but you could blunder so badly the spell may not be released at all.”

Naruto can’t make a perfect mini-him here at this age, no matter how small. 

And:

Chakra level isn't just about the amount, but how effective you are in maintaining your balance. Let alone Naruto's extreme finesse:

So.. chakra sickness? C’mon now, go away. (Not you Non.e) More like "I-don't-want-to-be-in-this-novel-sickness", "help-me-sickness" and "save-me-from-'boruto'-the-show-sickness". That's much more believable, no?

I find the fascination with the moon interesting though, Sakura goes all ‘E.T’ and Naruto brings Hinata on a date to the moon. And Sasuke, our moon, in the meantime is.. playing poker?

Well.. “In standard poker, each player bets according to the rank they believe their hand is worth as compared to the other players.” 

I ‘bet’ Sasuke and poker don’t go ‘hand in hand’ .

Hehhehe.

...

Get it? Since he's missing.. a hand.. ok.

Okay okay sorry. 

Well I agree with everything you say, thankyou for adding all this info 💕, I didn't want to look it up tbh ;__; I do want to add something.

"Suddenly after The Last and those terrible novels, all of which can't even stick to the most simple world building facts, they want to know whether external material is canon."

This is not surprising.

CENSORSHIP & MARKETING

Because yes, this is a shonen-battle manga, one where -the heroes fight the enemies with the power of friendship to gain some sort of victory in the end. A story that include arcs that follow the Royal Road of Manga that Weekly Shonen Jump is known for- except, ‘Naruto’ is more complicated than that if you look closely. 

Regardless.. Naruto’s (and Sasuke’s) romantic love interest shouldn’t matter in the first place, but years of ‘shipping’-wars online beg to differ. And for good reason.

The “you’re my special person”-aspect of the story is not all what it seems (at times it’s more meaningful) despite it being blatantly obvious who is special to whom and who isn’t so much.. or worse- not at all. 

You possibly won’t understand until much later on when Kishimoto’s previous idea’s he planted in your head start to make sense. 

Except these damage-control “don’t worry, Naruto likes girls”-fillers or any other type of marketing go against its own material at times, so why is it so confusing?

(Whoo NaruSaku~)

‘Naruto’ in complete manga-form is a SNS love-story. This is something I will stand by and so I will not call it simply my “opinion”. Their bond for each other is weaved through what it is: Shonen-battle, sure, but it’s a bond formed out of love nonetheless. An open end like they had together was in my eyes perfect- a promise for more, yet unnecessary. 

Not everyone is able to filter out what is canon or not (nor do they have to, Naruto is first and foremost a source of entertainment), but if you only saw the anime then I don’t blame anyone for not picking up on this love-story that I (for example) am so passionately preaching for. 

I’ve studied Marketing.. and their team is so good at what they do, it’s annoying. They control every sub-fandom/shipper category by spoon feeding them little tweets like little flocks of blue birds on Twitter juuuuuust enough to keep them happy so they’ll empty their pockets every chance they get. The fighting is what keeps them popular- B*ruto really isn’t that great. I’m not saying that out of spite, but without Naruto and Sasuke.. c’mon now. 

And that’s probably the only reason why they’re still alive as I’m writing this post now.

Marketing official: “Let’s give the SS-shippers an illustration on Christmas, who cares if it’s OOC? Oh, now they’re angry about something? Hm.. let’s do the Sasuke-Retsuden manga adaptation then. NH-shippers aren’t satisfied? Uh, we already made SS look more miserable here, at least they got two kids and stuff so automatically their ship looks more ‘happy’ then.. right? Sunflowers and shit. We can’t do too much actually.. Hinata’s our hero-worshipping hentai-bait you know? She needs to look innocent, especially in contrast to Sakura. Btw, can we make some sort of dick-in-the-booty-type of necklace match for Naruto and Sasuke? Bet the SNS-fans would love that, but make sure to add an Uchiha symbol for Sakura somewhere so it’s not too obvious. We can’t bias any side. Yeah, thanks.”

So no matter how much fans go at each others throats for the silliest shit, it’s the marketing team that keeps that hostility alive. 

If there was ever some sort of finality (no, marriage in this case isn’t it) then eventually it would’ve died down a long time ago. And I EXPLICITLY say marketing team (and their higher ups), because we should not include all the people who worked really hard to create our entertainment like the spoiled brats we are. Heh.

Whatever anyone believes to be canon (even though it truly is simple), it must be monetized in a way. Do you really think they care to pinpoint whether a tiny piece of information is truly in alignment with the main storyline if it means it's profitable otherwise? Trust me that they have a room of people ready to deal with either your approval or your homophobia and this has nothing to do with Kishimoto himself or the extent in which anyone else had any influence on the story. 

Since we’ll never know that.

They’re (unfortunately) more capable/smarter than you’d think.

Questioning what is canon or not is licking the spoon they give you. Accepting whatever they say is just dropping to your knees with your mouth wide open not caring about the open manga that Kishimoto left behind you.

Masochistic dimwits.

[rutilation]

A Brief Meditation on Being Your Own Grandma and Drinking Your Own Blood

.

.

.

Well… that turned out to be a lie.  Guess all you need to reel me back in is reincarnation drama and a weird grandma.

In my July essay, I laid out the elements of the story I found frustrating, and had tentatively hoped that said elements might have… mellowed out?  Following the break?  I’d say this chapter actually doubled down on all of my gripes.  That lingering aftertaste of misanthropy is spelled out plain, Ayumu’s curt dismissal of her former allies feels like it’s also being directed at the supporting cast in the present, and Phos is still the only person motivated enough to make decisions or affect the story at all, and that was apparently the case long before they were even born.

As such, while I found this chapter to be captivating, and honestly a breath of fresh air… I’m not sure if I actually liked it or not?  Galling and intriguing in equal measure—that about sums up my experience reading HnK from the moon arc onward.

But, one thing that I do know I like?  How this adds an extra layer of ambivalence to Phos and Kongou’s relationship.  When Ayumu talks about her arrogance, I believe she’s referring to the path she set Kongou on.  Thanks to her prophetic dreams, she now knows she’s saddled him with an impossible task that will bring him terrible misery—and all for the sake of her own insecurity, her desire to leave a mark on the better world she’s banking her hopes on.  But by the time she knows enough to regret her choice, it’s far too late to change course.  All she can do is apologize to him in her final moments, and implore her future self to clean up the mess she will leave behind.

I think one of the most compellingly tragic aspects of Phos and Kongou’s relationship has been their ability to keep hurting each other all while neither one of them is truly more at fault.  That being the case, I didn’t like how the last arc ended with Kongou being put decisively in the wrong; it just felt out of character.  But, this chapter recontexualizes his complicity in Phos’s grizzly fate as… him faithfully honoring the wishes of Phos’s past self at the expense of their present self.  How do you even begin to untangle that?  This whole situation is messed up and completely unfair to both of them, which is exactly the kind of food I want when I eat out at The Sad Rock Buffet.

One could even argue there’s a certain cosmic justice in Ayumu paying for her hubris by growing up in the shadow of the generational trauma that she precipitated.  On one hand, I find the concept interesting, but on the other, it feels too late in the story to start ascribing justice or meaning to the slings and arrows of Phos’s life.

That covers the grandma part, but with regard to drinking your own blood…

A lot of the thoughts I had this month were about the story’s attitude towards relationships, about the love you give yourself vs the love you get from others.  I feel like the story’s perspective is that community is a powerful and uplifting force… for other people.  But outcasts like us, it seems to say, are up shit creek without a paddle.  Indeed, the story doesn’t seem to believe in honor amongst thieves, or solidarity amongst the marginalized.  Even someone who could conceivably empathize with your situation will always sell you out to better themselves when the chips are down.  Whatever love anyone else has to offer you is shallow and contingent.  Therefore, the only love fit to be called transcendent or divine is the love you show yourself after you’ve struggled through the mire of self-hatred.

It’s cynical and bleak, to an unrealistic extent, in my opinion.  But as I contemplated the story’s perspective, I started to interrogate my own. How do I feel about love, and the places it might come from?  Like many who give any thought to the matter, I think that the platitude “You can’t expect others to love you if you don’t love yourself,” is wrong, and a terrible thing to tell someone struggling with depression.  It’s through the perspective of others, after all, that we escape the quagmire of our own thought patterns, that our inner world opens up, and we come to acknowledge the possibility that others can see something in ourselves that we cannot.  That said, I don’t think inverse is true either.  Or at least, I don’t want it to be true because it’s scary and hopeless in its own way: “There’s no way to love yourself without the love of others.” There’s a million different ways in this life to fall through the cracks of society, or community, or family, and end up with no one to rely on but oneself.  For such people, they can’t afford to wait for self-love to blossom in its own time, nourished by the love of others.  It’s imperative to create that love ex nihilo, because the alternative is to look on helplessly as their emotional self dies.

After mulling it over, the conclusion I arrived at is that while people probably need each other in order to truly flourish, I do think it’s possible to at least subsist off of the love you give yourself.  But, I considered, it’s kind of analogous to drinking your own urine after you’ve spent weeks lost in the wilderness: you really never want things to get that bad.  But, you do what you must when your survival is at stake, whether that survival is physical or emotional.  As I was thinking this to myself it hit me: that’s the meaning behind Ayumu drinking her own blood. 

You pop an artery out of your heart, drain out your own lifeblood before putting it right back in via martini glass.  You’ve watched as your future self becomes just as alienated and miserable as you.  So, as you apologize to the son whose life you’ve ruined, you brush back your own hair, give yourself a tender kiss on the forehead, and tell them to burn everything down.  What exactly does burning everything down mean?  Can’t wait to find out.  Whatever it is though, I hope it pisses off Aechmea.

Some other stray thoughts:

That master scholar joke from chapter one hits different now, doesn’t it?  So does Kongou tasking Phos with an encyclopedia, for that matter.  Even if he probably didn’t put two-and-two together until Phos received the pearl eye, they quite possibly reminded him of Ayumu long before that point.

In light of all this blood symbolism, I’m of the opinion that a vampire Phos AU would be kinda hot, and I think the fandom should milk it for all its worth.

As heavily implied as it is, the concept of Phos being Ayumu’s reincarnation technically exists only in the realm of subtext.  But there’s one aspect of this chapter that makes me 100% sure that, at the very least, Ayumu knew she was speaking to Phos: she brushes their hair back before kissing their forehead—a pointless gesture when the person who’s physically in front of her is bald.  She would only have taken the time to do that if she knew that someone else was also there. Someone with greasy emo bangs.

I want my Wolf’s Rain ending to be real.  I want Phos to be like: “Sorry.  No dice.  Try again.” And then they send everyone’s souls back into the earth.  And then we cut to 50 million years later when the dominant species on the planet is sapient carpets of marine bacterial slime.  We all know that’s who you really want to write about, Ichikawa.

And the cutest slime of them all?  Phos.

I’ve seen people speculate that Phos’s pearl eye is the exact same one Ayumu used, but after looking closely at the panels, I don’t believe that to be the case: the pupil in Ayumu’s replacement eye is black, whereas the whole of the pearl in white.

There’s probably an additional metaphor to be found in the fact that a meal of potato chips and one’s own blood has to be the most efficient method for dehydration ever devised.  Truly, only someone Phos or Phos-adjacent could come up with it. 

Speaking of additional symbolism, I’ve seen people point out that this scene is possibly a reference to the Last Supper.  If so, it figures that while most people who didn’t grow up with the religion find the concept behind Catholic communion to be off-putting, Ichikawa apparently just… started taking notes.  “Hmm, this is nice.  But how can I make it even weirder and grosser?” she asked herself.  Queen shit.

I was curious as to whether there was any significance to Ayumu’s name.  After a little googling, I think that it’s quite apt.

Back a few years ago, I saw quite a few Fist of the North Star fans complaining about losing the hnk tag to our beloved manga.  These days, when I search hnk on twitter, I find myself assailed by posts about some kpop dude.  Truly, samsara comes for us all.

[dlartistanon]

I just finished reading Platinum's story in Pinus Sylvetris, and while it's really really good it's also really depressing (though not in a traditionally sad/tragic sense). What are your thoughts? Also is this the first time we get a story entirely from a first-person POV?

Platinum’s story is indeed really good!! Definitely one of my favorites. It’s still very sad because a girl was coerced into a path she can’t escape from. And I think what helps elevate this story in particular is how it dramatizes/exaggerates just how soul-sucking greed is. 

Like yeah, Columbia is the place most analogous to America and the game is not at all subtle about it, but in Kazimierz people are literally nothing but commodities. Whether you’re an ordinary citizen, a company executive, a knight, or an assassin, it doesn’t matter. You Are Not Immune To Being A Corporate Slave.

It’s ironic, right? How knight imagery has been tainted? Knights in Kazimierz are just jesters dancing in a court, fighting to entertain the masses. The General Chamber of Commerce plays the role of the king, as well as judge, jury, and executioner.

Fun fact:  "Centaurea is the name of a flower, and can symbolize hope, remembrance, devotion, delicacy, anticipation, unity, fertility and love. It can also symbolize wealth, prosperity and future"

But... as we can see with this story, every single one of those things (except fertility and love which aren’t addressed) has been flipped to its antithesis.

Platinum has no hope, she was forgotten, she desperately wants to quit her job, she’s hardened, there’s nothing for her to look forward to, there’s no unity in a cutthroat organization that will replace her if she puts one toe out of line, and she’s trapped with no future in front of her.

Wealth and prosperity sure, but does that actually mean anything in a place as corrupt as Kazimierz?

Someone please give this poor little pegasus a hug...

[lightrises]

"Only in allowing her to pass..." — Hornet, The Radiance, and the means by which Hallownest turned its victims against each other

A quick note: I read Hollow Knight as an anti-colonialist text. As such I'll be touching on topics related to colonialism as it's depicted in the world of the game, and said analysis will reflect both a sympathetic take on The Radiance and a critique of The Pale King that won't pull its punches. If this sounds up your alley, hello and thank you for the read! Let us be sad about these bugs together.

———

So!! A while back I realized something about pre-canon that felt rather... "curious" is one way to put it, I think. To wit: for all the effort and scheming and determination The Pale King poured into trying to get rid of The Radiance, neither of his plans involved directly killing her.

Was that his long game? Well, sure, that seems clear enough. His tack changed from luring the moths away from their god and creator to a more literal form of incarceration once the infection became a factor, but at its core the end goal never really changed—The Pale King very sincerely wished to destroy Radiance via obsolescence. The Seer lends us foreshadowing to confirm as much:

[Image descriptions: Two screenshots from Hollow Knight, showing the Seer and Ghost in the Seer's alcove at the Resting Grounds. Across both screenshots, the Seer tells Ghost the following: "None of us can live forever, and so we ask those who survive to remember us. Hold something in your mind and it lives on with you, but forget it and you seal it away forever. That is the only death that matters." End description.]

(Which, by the way and given the context, talk about an extremely unsubtle allusion to cultural genocide huh!!! Whew.)

In any case, we're left with a whole bunch of machinations which build up to... well, two very roundabout attempts at committing deicide. That's kind of weird, all things considered! Why not just do the deed in one fell swoop and get it over with?

This could be for any number of reasons. Maybe the king was devoid of the means to instantly kill another higher being. Maybe his personal sense of scruples stopped him short of signing off on MURDER murder (although, y'know, the aforementioned genocide + eternal imprisonment = still cool and copasectic apparently!). Maybe the long drawn-out cruelty was the point. Maybe the idea of playing fuckign 4D chess with the circumstances was too delicious for him to pass up—that man did love to tinker and stick his claws where they sure as hell didn't belong—or maybe it was a little bit of All The Things. Who knows!!

But interrogating The Pale King's methodology on this count isn't what I'm here for, at least not really. The main reason I raise this question at all is that in her own way, Hornet did too.

"I'd urge you to take that harder path... "

See, going by The Pale King's actions and what The White Lady explicitly says, they both foresaw two outcomes wrt the infection: it can be allowed to spread, or it can be contained. At Teacher's Archives, Quirrel acknowledges the fact that Ghost is expected to do... something about this, but he doesn't elaborate on what HE thinks that's supposed to be apart from the obvious "Gotta bust into Black Egg Temple first". Hornet is the one person who presents to us—to Ghost—what's framed as a third option: confront and destroy the infection at its source.

And she doesn't bring it up like it's just another tactic for Ghost to consider, prim and indifferent to what they would do. She nudges them towards it, actively, up to the point where she throws herself into the fray against Hollow at a juncture that's uniquely dangerous to her and her alone just to make that option feasible.

Even when she's couching it in disclaimers that this is still Ghost's decision to make (and let's be fair, she's extremely not wrong about that lol), no one can pretend Hornet is unbiased. It's obvious in that buttoned-down Hornet kind of way that she is way the hell done with the increasingly tenuous stalemate that's kept Hallownest's desiccated corpse from collapsing in on itself. Personally it's hard for me not to read some Toriel Undertale-esque "My father was too entrenched in his own foolishness to pursue any course of action that would have DEFINITIVELY ended this" shade into her stance here, regardless of whether that's strictly true in canon.

And that bit—Hornet's hopes for an end to Hallownest's stasis, moreover her grim calculation of what needs to be done to get there—that's the bit I find super interesting but likewise tragic and depressing as shit, on multiple levels. In no small part because a) canon itself gestures towards Hornet feeling conflicted about the very plan she's pushing, and moreover b) she has at least two (2) damn good reasons to feel that way.

So, what do I mean by that? Let's look here first:

[Image description: A screenshot from Hollow Knight, of Hornet and Ghost inside the Temple of the Black Egg, standing in front of the unsealed egg itself. Hornet has been struck by the Dream Nail and her dialogue is displayed as follows: "... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?" End description.]

As the curtain is about to drop on things one way or another, Hornet thinks,

... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?

Now, looking at that last bit it's easy to go "Oh no, Hornet's worried that Ghost won't survive killing The Radiance!" And I do think that's part of it: Hornet is, categorically, not her father. By endgame it's clear she's not content to view her Void-borne siblings as tools to be used then disposed of. She's also well aware that as a healthy autonomous Vessel amongst the countless dead, Ghost is the only person left alive who has a fighting chance against The Radiance. Knowing someone is the only qualified candidate for the job doesn't make encouraging them to embrace a probable death sentence any less of a bitter pill to swallow, though. And odds are on that this sentiment extends to Hollow too, who IS going to die no matter what happens here. To put it bluntly, it's more than reasonable to conclude that Hornet hates the absolute fuck out of this.

But I don't think that's all there is to it either. Remember what I said earlier about The Pale King's bids for genocide? Well, it's not like the man deigned to limit his efforts to just the moth tribe.

"We do not choose our mothers... "

On top of everything else—an infected Hallownest being all she's ever known, the fact that she only exists because of the infection, the list goes on—Hornet has spent her life wedged into a position that's been uncomfortable and terminally unglamorous at best: she is both a daughter of her father's kingdom and of Deepnest.

Deepnest, which like the moths and many others was here long before the wyrm and his lady wife swanned onto the scene and the God Become Bug laid claim to everything the Light touched plus a considerable amount of change. THAT Deepnest, which has fought claw and thread to retain its sovereignty against same-said settler king, and for which Herrah not only surrendered her life but also agreed to bed her worst enemy, all in hopes of securing a viable future for her people (put a pin in that last part by the way, I'll come back to it soon).

Two Worlds, One Family (Ft. An Indigenous Woman Trying Her Damndest To Work With What She's Got Versus An Imperialist Who Only Signed Up For This Because He Needed The Political Favor THAT Badly, So It's The Height Of Dysfunctional Actually). Fun times!!!!

The baggage this entails for Hornet is gnarly enough without implications made by The White Lady and the pre-canon timeline of events and even Team Cherry's dev notes that the king may well have looked at baby Hornet, gone "YOINK", then ensured she spent the lion's share of her childhood reared within the pearly auspices of his Pale Court*. That would be rather advantageous for Him Specifically after all, the potential to mold a born foe into a future ally and even have her trained in combat under the same tutelage as her doomed sibling. And far be it from him to stop a grown Hornet—his own flesh and blood too!—from making Deepnest her forever home if she so pleased. He totally wouldn't be reneging on his "fair bargain made" by doing this one simple thing until Hornet came of age, not t e c h nic c a l l y.

If that is indeed the case, there's a non-zero chance Hornet's formative years were a hot mess of cultural alienation and being a good deal more privy than most to just how much of a bastard her father could be. There's an equally non-zero chance that at some point she stood or sat within earshot as The Pale King finally, finally dropped all pretense and euphemism to name the Light for precisely what (for who) it was.

See, in conjunction with the question that started this whole dang train of thought I've been asking this one too: Does Hornet know? When she speaks of confronting "the heart of [the] infection" does she know she's talking about not just a literal person but someone very specific? The Radiance, who god though she may be shares skin in the game alongside Hornet as a native woman screwed over by the same settler king, likewise deprived of her kin and saddled with a life gone horrendously pear-shaped?

I'll assume for the sake of exploring the possibility and because I think it's a likely one anyway that yes, Hornet does know. She knows, and despite everything can't help empathizing. She might even look at Radiance and see bits and pieces both reflected and slightly inversed in her own mother: Radiance was forced to the sidelines while her people—her children, the brood she was meant to lead and care for—died out under The Pale King's rule, and it's no stretch to assume she's at least as upset about that as she has been about everything else; Herrah too took drastic measures for her people's sake, trying to head off annihilation by relegating herself to the sidelines in an act that was as much calculated risk as an attempt to find wiggle room and leverage in the face of a nasty proposition.

A calculated risk that, if things continue as they are, might well amount to nothing as the rest of Deepnest gets eaten alive by the infection. It survived The Pale King's advances for so so long, only to fall here. Herrah's sacrifice would be for naught; the other tribes—themselves the king's victims—would keep succumbing to the infection too.

And this is where things fall apart.

"... or the circumstance into which we are born."

Let's be clear: I think Hornet is wise enough to know what's what here, that all the carnage and suffering falls on her father's head for starting this slow-motion trainwreck in the first place. Hallownest wasn't always Hallownest. This domain was Radiance's home first, along with many others. It was the worm-turned-king who rolled up on the scene unsolicited and decided this was a ""'problem""" that had to be """solved""".

But the fact of the matter is that he's gone and The Radiance is here, raging, seemingly inconsolable. Above and beyond being Deepnest's rightful heir, Hornet isn't in a position to countenance more splash damage even if the grief and fury fueling it makes perfect sense. She can understand without ever bringing herself to love Radiance, and she can bend her knee to practicality even if she hates the everloving shit out of it because the fact that it "has" to end this way isn't fair.

This lends itself to one last awful conclusion: that Hornet has probably considered and (rightly or wrongly) discarded the possibility that Radiance can be saved, at least not without dragging more collateral along for the ride. If even her mother and every other enemy to the king seemed to dismiss talking Radiance down as an option way back when... well. Why should Hornet hope for any better after things have escalated so far?

Again, it's practical. A practical net good is what Hornet strives for. And again, it fucking sucks.

For extra tragedy points, this makes Hornet's extended crypticness around Ghost followed by her last minute casting about for a reason to tell them "Wait, don't; not just yet" that she never voices even more of a gut punch. She can't bring herself to burden Ghost with the context that haunts her so, least of all when it might weaken their resolve to go through with what (she thinks) needs doing.

It's the "same song, different verse" which led to the mantis tribe and Deepnest being pitted against each other: Hallownest rigged the game so that two women who could have been powerful allies—who have a mutual vested interest in driving out settler rule—wound up poised as enemies instead. And how awful is that? The king for all his being extremely fucking dead still gets the last laugh, because outside of a miracle the game never manifests Hornet can salvage what her mother started and look forward to a future where Deepnest pulls itself back from the brink if and only if The Radiance dies.

Resolution comes at the price of a completed genocide. Add two more dead siblings to the unconscionable pile thereof, while we're at it. That's what it boils down to whether or not Hornet can bear to articulate it as such, and there's no grace or even a properly bittersweet ending to wring from this clusterfuck. And that is rough.

———

* This has been better explained elsewhere, but a quick rundown: The White Lady tells Ghost that Hornet and Herrah "were permitted little time together." On its surface this can be taken to mean that Hornet was still very young when Herrah was shipped off to Eternal Dreamland—except this doesn't jive with the fact that we meet Hornet as an adult. If the stasis kicked in once the Dreamers went to their rest, which in turn halted the aging process for every living bug in Hallownest, AND before all this Hornet experienced little by the way of quality time with her birth mother... I think you can see where I'm going with this.

To top it off we've got Team Cherry weighing in ominously from their dev notes on Herrah: "As part of the agreement for her alliance and her role as a dreamer, King gave her a child (Hornet). Was she allowed to keep this child or was she taken away?" This isn't confirmation by itself of course, but given additional canon details (see above): Can I get a "yikes" in the chat fellas.

[noa-nightingale]

Gay Oar!!! ✨💖 - second post

After I wrote my nerdy little text about the appearance of Oar Oar in the Mansa Musa PH ep (you can find that post here), I naturally also had to write one about Sword Oar appearing in the Smallpox ep.

I honestly should have expected him to show up sooner or later after his boyfriend already did but it still caught me off guard. ✨

I’ll use my beautiful “autisticwatcher” tag for this (and if you also have to say things about Watcher-related autism stuff or autism-related Watcher stuff, feel free to use it too). Here is an attempt to justify it even though this topic probably is not inherently autistic: a) I experience every part of life through an autistic lense and b) the ways I express joy are... let’s say, atypical.

Here’s what I mean by that (and don’t worry, this is going somewhere): I am not a very outwardly expressive person. My face is kind of neutral most of the time (you could call it resting bitch bastard face), I have a voice that is often monotonous, and I don’t like showing strong emotions.

And this is what I did when Sword Oar showed up: I sort of jerked back in my chair and clapped my hands once. Then continued watching the episode with the biggest autistic grin (i.e. with what probably looked like a mild smile from the outside). ✨

Let’s get into it! Once again, it brought me great happiness to write this, and - be warned - some of this stuff is pretty specific. And once again, I did not expect that I would spend my time writing about a sponsorship part. ^-^

Enjoy! 💖

“Okay, moving along! Oh-” - “Oar are we!” Never stop with the oar puns, please. I live for the oar puns.

I think I already talked about Oar Oar’s voice and how much I like it but Sowrd Oar’s voice is equally amazing (sometimes a bit hard to understand but I can live with that - I love that voice). I also enjoyed his soft little laugh in the beginning. It was sweet.

We get a little more info on the Professor who apparently smells like “rotten cotton candy mixed with expired vinegar” (also, the sound effect after that killed me lol). Oof. Didn’t have to expose him like that lmao. I like that Sword Oar says to the Professor “I like you but you are a smelly guy” - confirming that he indeed likes him (I have one or two headcanons about this but I am... not going to mention them here, for reasons I will write about below).

The sponsor for this episode is Scentbird, and Sword Oar starts talking about “smelling seasonally appropriate” which I like - we are transitioning into autumn, the leaves will change soon, it is almost Over the Garden Wall rewatch time (I usually start my annual rewatch in October), and I just like the autumn vibes, the thoughts of pumpkins and colorful leaves and little ghosts. It’s my favorite time of the year. 🍂

Here’s a quote from the episode: “put that light sexy summer fragrances on the shelf in exchange for a thick seductive scent for the colder months”.

Okay okay OKAY you... you can’t do this to me!! >:( I have Thoughts about this, okay? Again, I am not giving you any details here (see below) but I have one or two new ideas about Sword Oar’s and Oar Oar’s relationship, and all this talk about “sexy” and “seductive” is not helping.

Like... not to get too depressed in a post about anthropomorphic oars and a sponsorship but there was a time when it was not even legal to be gay (and that time was not that long ago) and there was a time when I did not see any happy queer representation in any media. (I had Brokeback Mountain and that movie is sad as all hell; it breaks my heart every time I watch it, it is incredibly tragic, and that was pretty much the only thing I saw happening to queer people in fiction when I was growing up - struggle, suffering and death. It does something to a queer teenager, is what I am saying. And you carry that pain into adulthood, even if things do get better.)

And then look at these oars - openly gay, openly in love and openly sexual with each other. Yes I am getting emotional about a goofy little quote in a friggin’ sponsorship part, goddamnit!! Even considering all the things that are better now, queer people still get hurt and harassed and harmed and sometimes killed for being queer, and queer sexuality is still stigmatized, and it means a lot to me to have these puppets who are just so unapologetically gay and talk openly about it.

Maybe all of this is an overreaction to a tiny little quote. But it makes me happy (and sad), and I want to talk about it. ❤️

Moving on! To more queer stuff (it is more lighthearted this time, don’t worry)! :D

He mentions not having arms or legs, and that’s the bane of my existence tbh. You probably know by now that I draw a lot of gay oars art, and I have complained before about the fact that these guys don’t have hands. Do you know how many gentle things I could draw if they had hands? You can’t lovingly hold someone’s face without hands, you can’t intertwine your fingers with them, you can’t hug them without arms. So. Yeah. The audacity! /lh

(Come to think of it, Maizey and Gebra don’t have hands either. Shane Madej, sir, I am begging you, please give your LGBTQ+ characters hands!)

Here is another quote: “Let me give you a rundown of some of the sweet sweet sniffs I’ve been dancing with thanks to Scentbird.” Ugh it sounds so charming. It’s just such a charming way to put it. 🌻

He then lists some fragrances and I especially want to mention Confessions of a Rebell - Morning After, and the quote “hot nights never smelled so good”.

I AM ASKING YOU AGAIN

WHY

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

And again, I won’t go into all the new headcanons and ideas and thoughts I have about these oars and here is the reason - I don’t know how many minors are following me. Like, I don’t want to make this stuff sound too lewd or crass because I think that queer sexuality is already too often seen as something “dirty” instead of something perfectly okay and natural. Still, I will keep some of my thoughts to myself. Let’s just say, I am very fond of... all of this. 😊

Annnnyyyyways, Sword Oar lists a whole lot of other stuff, and I know that he has to talk about the sponsor, but what I am getting from this is, the guy really likes his scents.

He mentions amber+leather, he mentions lavender, and he mentions Gendarme - Sky which is a “complex and sultry blend of bergamot, cardamom and aged leather”, and I now have a few more ideas about what Oar Oar smells like. (Personally, I like “masculine” scents. Wood, leather and the like.)

Watcher has a code again (you can get 30% off). ✨

The last thing I want to mention is this: “you delicious thing, you”. I am not entirely sure if he is talking to the Professor or the audience but I am okay with both. Because a) I already have a headcanon about the oars and the Professor (which I will not talk about here because, again, there are probably some minors following me) and b) ... oh to be called a “delicious thing” by an anthropomorphic gay oar. 😘

That’s it for now. I spent the better part of three hours with this and hey, if you want to do me a favor, be kind to a queer person today (and if you are any flavor of LGBTQ+, please be kind to yourself - you are wonderful). 💖

I did not mean for this whole text to be this emotional and sometimes sad but I don’t mind it either.

Thanks for reading! ✨💕

❤️ 💛 💚 💙 💜

Also, here is some of my older art. Seemed appropriate. ^-^

[snknmda]

dazai x jouno relationship hcs sfw and nsfw plss -v-

anon:

(n)sfw dazai x jouno headcanons!

18+ minors dni!

tags: fluff, light-hearted angst, heavy NSFW, mentions of kinks: deprivation, light bondage, overstimulation, semi-public sex (ment.)

SFW:

i've been meaning to write this shit down for AGES so that being said: dazai has actively ruined both of their sleep schedules

like jouno seems like the type to be very punctual so he probably has an idea of a certain time he should be in bed so he doesn't tire himself at work next morning

jouno is the chef between them and has taken the responsibility to make breakfast/lunch/dinner for both of them

always complains about dazai being a freeloader but it's all jokes since dazai helps out with the dishes

he hasn't and never will say it, but making sure dazai eats at least 2 meals a day is his way of showing he cares

has put dazai in the habit of at least making his bed in the morning so he doesn't have to come home to a dishevelled room

after explicit instructions, dazai figured out that throwing every article clothing in the washing machine at the same time does indeed have its consequences (jounos pristine white shirt was stained pink after a rather tragic attempt from dazai trying to take charge in chores)

has definitely made jouno do his paperwork for him at some point

makes jouno pay for everything

they have a liquor cabinet

neither of them fucking drive and it's such a pain in the ass when dazai holds jounos hand so he can't transform into a cloud and move faster and ditch his bf that he pretends he doesn't know in public

dazai has stated he finds it invasive when jouno listens in on his heartbeat to read his mood, which has gone two ways: 1) he completely stopped his heart once to give jouno a heart attack and 2) has made his heart beat to We Will Rock You to piss him off

but on a fluffier note, doing so has helped jouno help dazai through particularly depressing days in which he didn't even have the strength to lift his chopsticks to his mouth to eat :(

in that case, he either gives dazai space if needed or just holds him against himself till he falls asleep (or a spa day)

AND!!! dazai doesn't wear his bandages around him cause what's the fucking point

was a pleasant surprise for jouno when he found out though 😳

listen— jouno can be very soft when he wants to be but because dazai is such an ass about it he rarely lets that side show 😔

neither of them know how the fuck they ended up in a relationship but here they are and jouno just has to make sure dazai doesn't manage to get himself killed or whatever

dazai enjoys the feeling of being pampered nobody can fucking convince me otherwise

dazai's clothes don't fit jouno but jouno's clothes are rather comfortable to sleep in since he has more muscle mass

have threatened a passerby at least once for no other reason than for the fuck of it

let's just say jouno visiting the agency isn't the most wholesome experience (even if they're wondering why the fuck a hunting dog unit is delivering dazai his lunch)

between them, I'd say dazai is more affectionate and openly teases jouno about how "ticklish" he is around his neck 😳

dazai has washed his nuts with jounos shampoo im sorry ABDJSKD

NSFW:

theyre both switches. there. i said it.

jouno has a sensory deprivation kink AND a light–moderate bondage kink (uses dazais bandages and dazai has to wonder just WHERE this man learnt to tie a knot like THAT)

^ took a huge amount of trust from dazai to ease into a position where he's nothing but vulnerable to jounos touch so jouno makes sure to treasure it 🥺

jouno loves edging dazai and hearing the sounds he makes when he's close only to snatch his relief away just so he could keep hearing that sound jouno u fucking asshole

has a thing for marking him, even if he can't see what he's done— he can definitely hear and feel it!

is a hair-puller 10/10

also has a mean degradation kink: "look at how desperate you are for me to fuck you." "you pathetic little thing, begging for me to let you come." etc. BUT is so fucking somft mumbling praises in dazais ear after they're done like he's the best thing in the world

does exceptional aftercare and dazai has made sure to use jounos kindness to the fullest as he should

when dazai tops, he makes sure he can get a view of jouno's face no matter what position so he can narrate just how good the man looks when taking him

with that, i raise u this: jouno has a praise kink (we all saw that coming)

a personal favorite position of theirs in this case is jounos back against dazai's chest, one of dazais hand around jounos throat and the other roaming his body— 😳

dazai knows exactly where to touch jouno and how to do it and just what kind of reaction it might elicit

his favorite place to kiss jouno is on his neck

loves running his hands through jounos tamer, silkier hair

where jouno loves edging dazai, dazai loves overstimming jouno!!!

call him a sadist but because jouno is sensitive, he finds a twisted pleasure in making the man cry

i mean cmon we all wanna see jouno getting fucked to tears

but also does amazing aftercare 🥺

makes sure to clean jouno up and hydrate and holds him close as he comes down from his many highs

if they're both in on it, they wouldn't a little semi-public sex 😳 e.g: in a closet, in a bathroom stall, a deserted room etc (something about forcing themselves to be quiet and getting caught thrills them)

jouno can hide his limp better than dazai

both of them are up and ready to fuck at any time of the day (well almost any day)

dazai has better stamina between them even if jounos own stamina isn't less than impressive 😔

definitely got carried away with this but i loved writing it so thank u for requesting it! 😭

[bellamioneotp]

Bellamione Fic Master List

Making a list of Bellamione fics to guide the poor innocent souls into temptation organize stories based on AU type. 

DARK AU’s

Bellatrix isn’t a bright ball of sunshine, but rather than have a story where she becomes a better person, Hermione becomes like her, or even joins her side. This AU type isn’t limited to only that, but also to general dark themes in the story such as violence, war and ‘wtf this is so wrong but yet I can’t stop reading’. 

Reign Down Like wow. A whole world built around what if Voldemort survived and used Hermione in his evil schemes and had Bellatrix engaged to her. Very detailed and the author doesn’t hold back on aspects of the new world that can be somewhat unsettling. 25/10 this will leave you wondering just how sexy dark magic can truly feel. 

The Dark Corners of the Earth This one is dark in an entirely different sense. Bellatrix and Snape are pitted in an ancient war against one another and Hermione is caught in the middle. The romance moves a bit too fast paced for me but the lore and detail in this will have you really thinking this story over the next few days, trying to figure out just wtf is going on. 45/10 will have you hoping your nightlight can keep Cthulhu away. 

Haunted This story won’t leave you haunted, but it is pretty good even with it’s short chapters and all. It tells the story of Hermione sort of losing her marbles but I won’t get into too much detail. Just read it for yourself; it’s a quick easy read. 10/10 is poetic as fuck. 

I Dream of Sin Takes place in a sort of canon world in which Hermione is an American teen being bullied. You can imagine how well that goes for the bullies especially when she learns she has magic and is taught by Bellatrix herself on how to use it. It gets progressively darker each chapter. 16/10 don’t want to mess with magical nerds ever. 

For whom the Bell Tolls is an interesting look into how Hermione’s actually a death eater and Bellatrix is not. While Hermione is not bat shit insane, she is a murderer and Bellatrix is the sane one. Nice to see things switched up. This story is not necessarily as dark as the others but it gets brownie points for making the usually good Hermione evil right off the bat. 9/10 come to the dark side, we have cookies. 

Staring at Nothing is just...wow.  A very powerful one shot about Hermione’s descent into darkness as told by Harry’s perspective. 10/10 for who needs friends anyways, when you’ve got black leather. 

Visions of You in which Hermione is a depressed youth after the war and has to deal with hallucinations of Bellatrix. Hermione isn’t dark here so much as she is gray type, and the story has a permeating tinge of sadness to it, given the circumstances. 8/10 for maybe Bellatrix isn’t a hallucination? 

Deep Below what’s more awful than being accused of Harry’s death? Being falsely accused of it, and having to deal with trying to prove your innocent. This is a situation Hermione ends up in. But will she get out of it? 8/10 for this gets deep. 

How to Love Bellatrix captures Hermione and sort of indoctrinates her into the world of darkness. Hermione is mad at first, but then she realizes how sexy Bellatrix is and is like, ‘alright fam, sign me up’ and boom Bellamione. 8/10 you love this story but not it’s update schedule. 

TIME TRAVELER AU’s

Basically, what it says on the tin. Someway or another, Hermione goes back into time to stop Bellatrix from ever becoming evil. Drama and romance ensue. 

Future Shocks A good time turner fic with a more modern take on war. It’s pretty long and it is the slowburn of all slowburns. But it’s a very interesting story and the ending will have you definitely shook. 8/10 will shock you awake from that boring lecture you’re reading fanfic in. 

Time Heals all Wounds Hermione gets sent back in time to ‘redeem’ Bellatrix but not in the gift card way, more like saving the future type way. They end up, you guessed it, falling in love and changing the future somewhat. 6/10 is a young teen romance that will have you reliving your adventures as a young sapphic witch. 

Mirror, Mirror Not exactly a time turner fic, more like a parallel world, I suppose. Hard to explain but has good amounts of mystery and trying to understand what is happening. Focuses more on Bellatrix’s POV which is a nice change of pace. 8/10 will have you looking in the mirror and summoning Bellatrix like she was Bloody Mary. 

Let the Light Come and Take me A time turner fic that ends up with Bellatrix time traveling but to the future and the chaos her arrival there causes for those who are acquainted with her devious ways. Looks at the growth of our two ladies relationship into something more. 5/10 if it’s not slowburn romance is it really Bellamione?

The One Within the Other this story is about, you guessed it, time travel! Hermione goes back on purpose to stop Bellatrix from achieving her evil potential and in the process love blossoms. 7/10 for never enough time to read Bellamione in peace!

Caught in the Time series this is a series of three full length stories about Bellamione stuck in different times and universes. So much happens in them it’s kind of hard to summarize so the best thing to do is read them. 8, 8.5, 7/10 I’ll let you figure out which score goes for which series.

Just say When started off as a time turner story but then it ended up becoming something more of an espionage tale. It’s a good read and interesting to see how Bellatrix aims to save Hermione from a dementor’s kiss (spoilers!) in order to save their future together. A good mix of romance and action. 8/10 The name’s Black. Bellatrix, Black. 

The Broken Wand It all starts with a wand and then before you know it, boom, time travel happens. Featuring Loki and adventure all around, this fic has interesting plot points to keep you engaged despite the slower update times. 7/10, will break your wand too. 

Hourglass basically, a young Bellatrix is brought into the future and consequences abound from that mishap. The plot is a bit wonky and there are some logic mistakes, but if you can get over it, it’s a decent time travel story. 5/10 for it must be canon that Bellatrix has a lovely hourglass figure. 

Times they are a Changing where Bellatrix travels back in time to save her wife, Hermione. Nice to see a story where Hermione isn’t the one doing all the saving. Unfortunately there’s only six chapters to this story and it’s unlikely it’ll ever get finished but it’s a nice fresh concept. 6/10 for that’s how many chapters there are. 

Destined in this one, Hermione experiences some wonky times after the battle at the department of mysteries. Hermione has to find a way back home, but perhaps she might find love along the way? 10/10 for this is destined to be an interesting read. 

HEALER AU’s 

Let’s be real, Bellatrix has got a lot of problems and these authors try to solve them, with sex. And you know, medical help. But sex definitely helps a lot. 

Portrait of a Tragic Woman Not a typical healer type au, because Hermione is a therapist whose helping Bellatrix with her mental disorders. Focuses a lot on the relationship between the two and really makes you try to figure out what exactly is up with Bellatrix and what is her past, etc. The ending chapters will leave you shooketh and wondering what even is real anymore. 50/10 because it feels like an acid trip, man. 

The Healer is only one chapter but still worth a read. Hopefully the author will have some time to get back to it because it has a huge potential. 6/10 because I need some healing. 

1k is a one shot, featuring Hermione as a therapist and Bellatrix as her patient. Can’t say too much without spoiling it, but despite it’s short length, the author paints a vivid look into Bellatrix’s mind if she was just an insane muggle. 1k/10 because that’s one patient I would never like to meet.

Darkness Underneath I mean, Hermione runs a team of healers, so technically it’s kinda a healer au fic, right? This story looks more in depth at the Death Eaters and dark magic surrounding them. 9/10 is that a dark mark or are you just happy to see me?

TEACHER AU

We all know this is the holy grail au of this fandom and yet there’s only a couple of long stories for this. Someone, write some more!

Fractures A long fic, that has a sequel. Basically, Bellatrix is Hermione’s teacher during a very trying time for Hermione when a competition goes very wrong and dark truths are revealed. Lot’s of action, Bellamione interactions, and overall interesting plot. 8/10 will leave your heart in fractures when you find out the sequel is unfinished. 

In the Dead of Night Hermione asks Bellatrix if she can teach her some.....magic and things end up becoming very magical indeed. Bellatrix is the teacher in this story (because who wouldn’t want her as a teacher). It’s a WIP with only a couple of chapters out. 7/10 time to learn some real lessons, Granger ;)

Just a Brand features not only Bellatrix as a professor, but a magical soul mate bond between Bellatrix and Hermione that leads to much deliciousness. There’s a lot of chapters to this story but they’re pretty short. An updated and revised version can be found on a03 for those who like longer chapters. 7/10 Bellamione is branded on my soul. 

It Just Felt Right is another fic with Bellatrix as the professor. Hermione starts off hating her and then it evolves into liking Bellatrix. The fic leaves off before any real progress can be made so if anyone is up for reading an unfinished fic from 2012 then go for it. 6/10 for this story feels right but not write because it’s abandoned :(

CRIME AU 

Because there is never enough crime involved even with Bellatrix, these authors amp up the trouble and make it double. And gay. So very gay. 

Two Sides of the Same Coin where Bellatrix is basically an auror. It’s only five chapters and it hasn’t been updated in a long time but it’s an interesting concept worth checking out. 9/10 wish there were more sides to the coin. 

Murder Most Horrid A crime story, where Bellatrix is a magical cop and Hermione is a murder suspect. Bellatrix interrogates Hermione by banging her and then the two of them proceed to basically get married the day after. A bit ooc for Bellatrix but very in character if you consider this world not from the canon. -89/10 for how badly your vision will deteriorate if you try to read this all in one night. 

The Mysterious Department Technically Bellatrix and Hermione are both magical detectives and they go and solve crimes and shit while also possibly trying to prevent the world from ending. You know, just casual stuff. 10/10 for the perfect crime, would commit again. 

Darkness is Falling A story that has Hermione as an auror who replaces Bellatrix’s old partner. They butt heads, they solve cases, and naturally, begin to fall in love. 7/10 for this case is closed. 

Some Things Aren’t Seen Hermione investigates Bellatrix’s crimes and past and ends up over her head. There are two follow ups to this finished work, all in the same vein. It’s all a good bit of fun watching Hermione try to take on the criminal Lestrange. 7/10, no, this has no relation to the musical Wicked. 

SOUL MATE BOND 

In one way or another Bellatrix and Hermione have a special bond in between them that destines them to be together. Angst, love, friendship, all abound in this au type. Features a combination of other factors thrown in, but the stories put in here are largely advertised in the blurb as more focused on the bond. 

Lotus Flower Hermione finds out after Bellatrix’s death that they are bound together and that because Bellatrix is dead, Hermione is dying as a result too. This begs the question, will Hermione go back in time and save Bellatrix, or will she willingly submit to the bond’s curse? 8/10 I think we all know what Hermione chooses.

Our Mercurial Selves ever wonder what it would be like to have a murderer share your mind? In this one, Hermione and Bellatrix can communicate telepathically with each other, creating a bond that draws them together. Features evil schemes by Voldemort, a flying horse, and Narcissa beating the ever loving shit out of Bellatrix for even daring to breathe in Hermione’s direction. 9/10 will leave you with warm fuzzies for the Malfoy family before the ending crushes you. 

The House Ring Bellatrix sends Hermione a magical ring that engages them and basically makes them wives. Prophecies abound about how Bellamione is meant to be the one and only true pairing. 7/10 for that ring better come with diamonds.

Demons AU

As if Voldemort isn’t scary enough, there are demons and scary things in this au type that will leave you and Voldemort both calling for mommy. 

Unsteady Precipice technically also a time traveling fic, except Hermione ends up in an alternative universe. where she tries to change things from happening in the canon world like they did. But will it work? Who knows! Only a few chapters are out so it’s hard to tell where this story will go, but one things for sure, it’ll be good. 9/10 if you don’t pray after reading this the demons will get you. 

A Demon in the Mist is also about, gasp, demons! Dangerous things are afoot in this story and Hermione is caught in the middle of it all. It takes part in the same universe as the caught in time series by the same author, but with slight alterations. Unsure if the story will be finished as the author has contemplated leaving fanfic writing. 7/10 can you find the demon in the mist?

MAGICAL CREATURES AU

Technically a category, right? Let’s pretend it is, because there are some stories out there that pit our two ladies as other than human and it’s fun to read about it. 

As we Chase the Sun Very Black family centric and features Bellatrix as a big fluffy wolf. What’s not to love? Cuddles, and hair balls, and good times all around. 9/10 would tame that wolf. 

Sing to me Your Insanity in which Hermione and Bellatrix are both sirens and will basically die if they don’t do the ol’ frickity frack. This is a long story and the slowburn feels like hellburn but it’s worth the read. 56/10 but you will need earplugs so those sirens don’t seduce you too. 

Metamorphosis in which Bellatrix is also a wolf and doesn’t like being stuck with Hermione but gets used to it and basically they’re house wives of London and don’t know it. 8/10 for your mind with undergo metamorphosis from slightly obsessed with Bellamione to even more obsessed. 

This Poisoned Blood of Ours vampires, vampires everywhere! Two parts to this series and features a confused Bellatrix and a changing Hermione. 7/10 do you think vampires like steak rare?

Cursed Doll Pretty self explanatory title. Someone ends up as a doll and shenanigans ensue. Won’t say more because it’s only two chapters, but it’s well written and worth a read. 10/10 Chucky? Is that your sister? 

Liquid Measure these chapters are thicc boy. Only two chapters but such a good set up and everything. I hope the author is able to update at some point. 10/10 makes me thirsty for more!

My Demons in the Dark Hermione is a ghost. That’s it, that’s the plot. Boo/10 for this not so spooky spirit. 

[dimonds456]

What was “A Picture Perfect Hollywood Heartbreak” Really About?

What was Zach Callison’s A Picture Perfect Hollywood Heartbreak really about?

Hey all you people out there! How are you surviving quarantine? I had a bunch of spare time, and so I decided to write an essay that focuses on Zach Callison’s album, A Picture Perfect Hollywood Heartbreak. The album has been out for a while, but most people either only know Interlude IV or are really confused about the story it tells. I think I’ve finally got an answer, and I wanted to share it with you all.

If you’re only here to better understand Interlude IV, you can skip down there if you want, but you’ll still be pretty confused. Besides, you should listen to the rest of the album. The whole thing bops. 

Personal favorite song is Phantom Love, but I’m pretty sure no one cares about that.

Anyways, on to the show! One song at a time, in order.

WARNING: REALLY, REALLY LONG POST UNDER THE CUT!!

Phantom Love

Phantom Love sets up the whole story for us. Juanita is Zach’s old GF, who appears to only have dated him so she could get ideas for a music album she was writing. However, she had no ideas and/or is a masochist, and so wanted to get Zach to either break up with her, do something horrible to her, or just create drama in general she could write about. Whatever happens happens, and she is successful. 

Juanita seems to be suffering from some form of depression, but whether that’s actually the case or she, again, just wanted something to write about is up for debate. But either way, it’s hinted at several times that she slit her wrists and other self-harm-inducing activities. 

Many people follow her- she seems to be popular enough (which makes sense, due to the album being about two celebrities dating each other, just like Zach’s irl relationship). However, she has two different faces- her showbiz the-cameras-are-on face and her real face. Zach seems to have the same thing, as hinted at in She Don’t Know, but we’re not there yet. Point is, Juanita used Zach to try and get a tragedy out of the whole deal.

It was a phantom love- it never existed. 

“Made me promise I would never break your heart

How was I to know that’s what you wanted from the start?”

Both people got into Hollywood from a young age and grew up with it, and so were surrounded by drama constantly. This takes a toll on Zach, but he tries to deal with it whereas Juanita actively wants to partake in it. She causes drama- little triggers to get him to snap- until one day, he does.

Interlude I - Frantically

This one is pretty straight-forward. After the two break up, it’s the perfect excuse for Juanita to start spreading rumors and stirring tension. She’s quick to make Zach out to be the bad guy, when in actuality, he was the one who was being loyal in their relationship.

We’re clued in that these rumors aren’t true from one line: “I heard he got fired from that cartoon he does. (Nooo wayyy…)” We, as the audience, know for a fact he didn’t, but things get shaky as we realize that some of them are also true. 

“I heard he does coke now and, like, screams a lot.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

[laughter]

Zach overhears them talking about them and runs away, going off somewhere to be alone. Once he’s alone, we get the disturbing audio of him sniffing some drugs, implying that he actually does, indeed, do coke.

DISCLAIMER: Irl Zach Callison did NOT turn to drugs! It’s a metaphor for how many people he knows who have decided to do so, and so he;s aware of what it does to one’s mind. Don’t worry; Zach is okay in that department.

She Don't Know

After gaining the following knowledge, this song is easier to understand. Zach really did love Juanita, and he misses her, even though he knows at this point that she used and abused him. 

“There ain’t no drug in all the world like loving you

Cocaine and cigarettes will have to do

Won’t somebody save me? My heart’s beating outta m’ chest

I just wanna hold you with those hands I once possessed.”

Juanita isn’t aware of the effect she had on him, and he laments this quite strongly (hence the title). Once she had her heartbreak, she ran off, leaving a broken lover behind. 

Trigger warning: there are hints of suicidal thoughts in this song. They get more prominent as the album goes on, which becomes important later. This is where we really start seeing them, though.

“F***ed up on my bedroom floor

And my first thought’s ‘let’s do some more’

They say it all kills for thrills

And I hope it does!

Can you hear me, love?”

He speaks about “where did I go” later on, meaning that he is losing himself/doesn’t feel like himself. He still wants to be with her, and her absence has utterly destroyed him. He’s still in love with her, and wants her to know that. However, Juanita doesn’t give a bat of the eye in his direction, only caring that she now had the material she needed to write her album.

Interlude II - Christie Only Knows

Here, we are introduced to Zach’s make-believe sister, Christie. Only she is aware that he is going through this, and we find out quickly that she isn’t supportive.

“It’s getting late now, but to me, it’s just beginning

‘Cuz life’s tearing me to pieces and I know I’ve been defeated

Oh, no

And Christie only knows.

Never seen someone like this before

An eight-ball power on the floor

And I’m staring at the ceiling 

Wondering if the reaper’s close

But Christie only knows

That there ain’t no drug in all the world like being you

\Glory on the silver screen just had to do

Won’t somebody save me? I am screaming out of breath

And my shadow, he’s holding a gun…

With those hands that I once possessed…”

This is the only time I’ll put all the lyrics in here, I swear. However, this one is important as it paves the way to Nightmare, bridging the gap between the two moods. She Don’t Know is angry, stressed, unsure, and frustrated, whereas Nightmare is just… depression. Interlude II is the middle ground, showing us that once Zach got all that off his chest, he feels… numb. He doesn’t know what to do. 

Now, who exactly is Christie? I don’t think she really exists, in the context of the album, that is. I believe that Christie is someone he’s hallucinating, an embodiment of all his most negative thoughts, sugarcoated into something pretty and worth listening to. We’ll explore her character later on in Interlude IV - Showtime, but for now, what you need to know is that his suicidal thoughts are getting more and more intense now that she’s here.

A sister is someone who you’re bonded to, whether it be in blood, relationship, or cause. In this case, I think it’s more relationship. She is telling him to let go, to accept that things are this way and won’t get better. It’d be easier to end it. And Zach is listening to her. We know this because of the line “And my shadow, he’s holding a gun with those hands that I once possessed…” He is seriously thinking about it, and the fact that it’s his shadow shows that the thought is always in the back of his mind. The same thoughts that led him to love Juanita are now ready to kill him- those same, once-steady hands he used to hold her with. And he’s done. He’s holding on by a thread.

Nightmare

This song is told in the 3rd person as Zach really explains what he’s been going through each and every day that lead him to this fateful decision to end it. He is done. He’s decided it. 

Every day, he cries. He hates himself, he hates looking at himself, he hates all of it. 

“Prosecutor at his own trial, 

The floor below him becomes so fertile 

by his very own vile, Nile, and exile source 

By the pitter-patter of his tears on the bathroom tile… 

...you’re nothing more than your feelings 

from your floors to your ceilings 

and out the all-bloodshot ocular faucets… 

Boy vs brain, white noise vs the sane, 

always vs the same, cries for help exclaim 

that he’s beyond repair. He’ll swear, he’ll despair, he’ll stare 

straight ahead in the mirror at the source of his waking nightmare.”

There’s an instrumental break, during which he says “Are you writing this down, Christie? Yeah…” This shows that he’s lamenting to himself, as again, Christie doesn’t really exist. He’s venting to her, jotting down everything that’s wrong with him.

This tells me that he’s writing a note. He is telling someone where he’s going and why he did what he’s about to do. Remember, Christie is in Zach’s head, and so if she is writing this down, that means that Zach is writing this down. His worst, most negative thoughts are writing all this down, showing him that this was the right decision. This will end all his suffering, and whoever reads the note will understand and be happy for him. This was his solution.

“He’s standing on a bluff overlooking the city

The city’s biggest bluff is making itself look so pretty

He tells himself to be tough, isolated and gritty

But gritty’s kinda hard when his brain’s run by committee”

This is how he decides to die. Now with a gunshot like Interlude II hinted at. He is willing to jump for it.

Look at the album cover. Did he go for it? I don’t think so, but we’ll get to that.

The song concludes with him saying this:

“So who do I speak of and why is he grey?

He rejects all his love, see the prices he pays

To his vices he caves, in a crisis of fates

No tragic history, only a mystery 

So I say to you, ‘who?’

Why don't’cha tell me?”

This is him confirming to us, the audience, that this is Zach’s character speaking about himself. He’s been hinting and clueing at us to this song all along, and now he is making sure that we know what’s going on in his head. He’s ready to end it. 

His love for Juanita broke his heart so severely that it left him broken and bruised beyond repair. And if you can’t fix it, it’s time to throw it away.

So he heads back out to the bluff to jump.

Interlude III - Second Thoughts

He’s standing on a bluff overlooking the city. The bluff’s height is making itself not so pretty. Is this being tough? Or just being petty? But petty’s not likely, it’s a selfish, single entity…

Doe she really want to do this? Looking down, Zach thinks about what made him come here. The drugs? They’re messing him up. He’s aware of it, he’s been aware of it. Would jumping be giving in to their influence? Or Juanita’s? 

“We put his record on until he’s bleeding on the needle

And he’s weeping in the street

Cut down on his curtain call

That’s where he’s gonna sleep.”

Standing on top of the bluff now, he looks down onto the road. He can see that there is where he could die, but he’s suddenly not so sure. The idea just slammed into him, reality slapping him in the face. “Do you really want to do this?” 

“Take aim with these hands he once possessed

A dozen roses on the pavement laid the rest

Oh, my dear sister Christie, will I feel some remorse?

She says ‘no, pull the trigger, ‘cuz he’s left us no recourse.

His brain has a sickness, so kill it at the source.’”

He steps closer. He can see, in his mind, the image of his dead body lying on the road, forever resting. But, was that the right call? To just throw in the towel like that? So, in true metaphorical fashion, he turns and asks Christie. His inner demons. They’ve been straight with him before, right? And, of course, they say “yes, go for it.”

But Zach still isn’t sure.

I believe he backs off for now, leading the way to Curtain Call.

Curtain Call

This is where it really starts to get difficult when it comes to dissecting this album, and from here on out, I guarantee that I got things wrong. However, stay with me, because I’m open to and want to discuss what everyone else thinks it all could mean. I’m going to share my ideas, and if you have a better one, tell me and I can either agree or argue it with you. Point is, like English class (in high school), if you have the evidence to back it up, you’re not wrong. Let’s have a serious discussion about this.

On with the show! Now, it appears as though Zach is arguing with himself in this one, one wanting to show people that he’s hurt so he can get help- the side that wants to live- but on the other hand, his other half knows that there’s nothing they can do if he does. He’d just weigh them all down. Because all of him agrees that he’s useless and hopeless. 

He sends up a prayer (I think Zach is Christian, so this makes sense), asking for, basically, karma of some kind. He’s done feeling this way, and wants it to stop. So he asks for “some price to pay,” hoping that there’s a solution, but knowing that the solution isn’t going to be handed to him on a silver platter. He’d need to work to get better, and this is him saying that he’s willing to do that. He WANTS to live, but he’s just not sure he can anymore. And that’s his main argument. Can he do this? Was it even worth it?

Obviously, with Zach being a famous actor (both irl and in the album), he has a double life. One is bringing joy to others, while the other is a constant internal struggle. The world is a stage, and at this point, Zach is basically admitting- through metaphors- that he has been acting. Pretending. 

Consider this lyric, put there- side by side- very intentionally:

“I find that I’m anything but fine.

No, I’m okay. Oh please just look away!”

It’s all a mask. And it’s one he’s tired of wearing. Notice how tired he sounds when he sings those lines. He’s done. He’s been done.

“Bourbon to kill my pain

Curtains to hold my shame

No, they can’t look away

Cannot contain my rage…”

These lines are telling us that people around Zach have started to notice that he’s off, but he wants to believe that he’s okay, that he’ll be okay. So he continues his career (“curtains to hold my shame”), even though it’s hurting him to do so at that point. And people are starting to notice. And that’s making him frustrated. At himself. At them. He’s tired. Let him rest. He just wants to rest and forget. Bourbon, alcohol, kill the pain. Make it go away so they can’t see. But they already see. The mask is old and withering in decay.

Towards the end, Zach’s voice becomes more echoey and distant (discluding the Italian that I have no hope of understanding, which is why I’ve yet to mention it). This shows that he’s distancing himself, running away, if you will.

Running back to the bluff.

And this time, he jumps.

Interlude IV - Showtime

Okay, meme time. This is the one everyone knows. However, we are not going to be talking about a Connverse fight that honestly makes no sense given the limited context of the song (as cool as those animatics are). We will be talking about, however, Zach facing and challenging his inner demons. Christie does not exist. Why should she rule over his life?

Let’s break this one down, since this one is the hardest to fit into the story.

He jumps, but survives the fall. Maybe dazed, maybe broken. Maybe it was just a dream. Maybe this song IS the dream. We can’t be sure. Everything is metaphorical in this one. Perhaps he didn’t jump at all. We can’t be sure.

Christie congratulates him. She tells him that he’s free. He did the right thing, and now it was just the two of them. They could do whatever they wanted without feeling so weighed down!

Zach disagrees, coming to a realization.

He jumped. Christie had said that it’d make everything okay again, that it’d be bliss. Well, he jumped, and it wasn’t. It was worse. He felt anger and fear, and this leads him to finally, for once, counter her. 

“The world is ours!”

“No it isn’t.”

“Get in the car.”

“This isn’t finished.”

“...What?”

She’s shocked that Zach openly argues with her, and as their bickering goes on (which I’m sure a lot of you reading this can hear perfectly in your heads, so I won’t write the exact lyrics down), Zach gains more confidence. He accuses her of murdering him. “And they’ll all think that it was suicide, but Christie, I know that it was you inside.” Remember, she’s not real and therefore didn’t really “kill” him, but he blames her as he allowed her to control and manipulate him. 

Christie is shocked, stating that everything she did, she did to comfort him. ”I saved him! I held him ‘til the moment he [Zach’s “innocence”] died!”) However, Zach realizes what she really is now, and decides that enough is enough. (“You choked him out of his goddamn mind! Promised the world to him, a goddamn lie!”) He knows what she is, and won’t let himself be manipulated by her again. 

Now, the whole time, they’re talking about someone who is dead. Who is that someone? Zach. However, it’s all a metaphor. When Zach jumped, a part of him died. The last of his humanity? His sanity? I think his “innocence,” which I say in quotes because I’m sure there’s a better word for it out there somewhere. He’s done being blind to the truth, blindly following Christie around. The part of him that was naive enough to do that, to listen to her influence and complain about the world, is gone. He’s dead.

And that means Zach isn’t taking anymore s***. 

C: “I won’t help you take [Juanita] down.”

Z: “Fine. I’LL DO IT BY MYSELF!”

C: “You don’t need it!”

Z: “Oh, I know that I need it.”

C: “She’s been gone for years, I know you can beat it!”

Z: “Oh, look in the mirror, you know we both fear her…

But you let me kill him, you’re WORSE than Juanita!”

Juanita herself never killed him. She never physically harmed him, not in any way that counts here. However, Christie did. She pushed and pushed him, taking a fragile boy and breaking him even more. Zach is now his own worst enemy, not Juanita, and this is him realizing it. But he doesn’t want to be his own enemy.

C: “I won’t help you take her down.”

Christie doesn’t want Zach to face her, because she knows that that would be him really facing his demons and starting down the path to healing. Juanita is Zach’s biggest obstacle, aside from himself. He has to face himself first, and that’s why this song is so powerful. Zach is taking a step back and realizing what he has to do, who he is, and why things are like this.

Z: “Oh, look in the mirror, you know we both fear her. 

We’re one and the same, we’re afraid to be near her!”

There’s that mirror metaphor again, except that he’s not looking at himself with hatred; he’s looking at himself with understanding (and a side of hatred). He’s ready to face her. He’s ready to get everything to stop.

“1, 2, 3, 4

Is this what love is really for? 

Is this all I get for being yours?

The kid in front of me in blood and gore?”

The kid is, again, Zach’s “innocence.” He understands, he’s ready to not only move on, but also confront her.

5, 6, 7, 8

Years left to waste for all I hate

They’ll all know Juanita’s fate!

Show’s about to start; don’t be late.”

He knows that it’s going to be a showdown, a big, epic throw down. And Christie isn’t coming with him. He’s leaving her behind. He’s leaving his demons behind, breaking free from them and moving on.

War!

The ultimate throw down begins!

“A wise man once said, ‘time is money’

So how much money did I lose to you, honey?

Find it kinda funny you wanna keep this feud runnin’

But I’m glad I’m on your mind, keep that canon fire coming, woah!”

This is 100% a diss track. Zach confronts Juanita in front of a lot of her friends (we hear multiple girls go “huh?” as they realize that Zach’s here and he’s ANGRY), and immediately starts in. No introductions, no “hey it’s nice to see you again”s, nothing. He’s here to make a statement, and he’s gonna do so.

He realizes Juanita for who she is now, and she has done so many horrible things to him. Spreading rumors and lies to ruin his life, after dating him just to get a story to write about. He’s sick of it and done. He calls her out, and it’s important that he does this in front of other people so they see what she’s really done. He’s hurt, he’s been hurt, and it’s because of Juanita, this amazing person a lot of people looked up to and liked (“I know, Juanita deserves so much more [Interlude I]”. “Step inside the life of the men weak enough to follow you [Phantom Love]). 

Juanita also appears to be dating someone else by this time. This is really important, because now due to context clues we got from before, the only reason Juanita dates is to get a heartbreak out of it so she can have the motivation and drive to write her own album. That’s why she dated Zach. So, if she’s dating again, that means she either lost the motivation and drive again, or she never had it in the first place since it wasn’t a real love between them. She didn’t truly experience a heartbreak at all. This is further backed up by the claim that “we’ve been waiting on your album for ages, no traces, and baby, we’ve already run out of patience!” She’s only dating to get that experience again.

This means that, at least in Zach’s eyes, she hasn’t changed. “To your new boy, let he be warned: you’re her new toy for blood and gore! What, you didn’t know?” She is going to destroy him emotionally, and he’s going to go down the same path as Zach, ending in death- blood on the pavement. The gore part is to emphasize how horrific the whole ordeal was.

“Sit down with me and sign this armistice

Get your big proboscis outta my s***, miss”

A proboscis is the butterfly equivalent of a tongue. They use it for sucking nectar out of flowers. So, what he’s saying here is that they need to settle this between them (“sign this armistice”), and that she needs to mind her own business. By her talking about Zach like that, she ruined his life and he’s sick of it. She literally sucked the joy out of him like nectar. 

“Welcome to the new me!

Paint your nails black and unscrew me

But that’s okay, Juanita

Know my business is booming”

His business is a reference to his own album, the very one you’re listening to. His music career took off now because of her and the fact that she broke his heart, not the other way around. Juanita can never understand that because she “only loves to be broken [Phantom Love].” 

“That’s alright, that’s okay!

You barely wrote them anyway

Half your songs got thrown away

Like ballets on voting day

All my ballads had more to say

Like a bullet through a motorcade”

In a twist, Zach got the story Juanita had wanted. He experienced a heartbreak, while she never really did. So he writes an album instead of her. It’s a cool kind of karma that Zach- or, at least, his character- can’t resist. 

The whole song ends with him forcing her/her friends to sing along with him, repeating her name, then yelling. She screams, and it cuts out. 

I think he’s lost his sanity (or again, his “innocence”) here. He gets carried away, and either attacks her or makes like he’s about to. I think he makes like he’s about to, but stops. This is the final song; if Zach killed her, there would more than likely be another song depicting the consequences and an Interlude V to show the aftermath of the incident. But because he stopped himself, he’s satisfied. Juanita learned her lesson, Zach got everything off his chest, and the people around them know the truth. 

That’s all he’s wanted for longer than we can possibly know.

Final Observations

Zach Callison has gone on record to say that “Juanita” has finally published an album of her own, but that happened months later. I don’t have any specific dates for anything, though. No one knows who the real-life “Juanita” is, which in my opinion, is noble of Zach. He had a lot of anger to get out, but unlike her, he wasn’t going to ruin her life to try and get something out there. He can make a statement without ruining someone else along the way.

With that knowledge, let us all stand and clap for this man.

Not only is the album just a really good listen, but each song tells a cohesive story. The tones each song sets, as well as the far under-appreciated interludes (or over-appreciated in terms of Showtime), really shows how his emotional state changes. Phantom Love is a lament, She Don’t Know is a classic “I’m sad bc my gf broke up with me :(“ which is how Zach perceives that incident at that point in time, whereas Nightmare is him falling into depression stronger than anything he’s ever felt before. Curtain Call is him arguing with himself about whether or not he should even live anymore, and it all comes back around with the upbeat, heavy-rock literal song of War!. The interludes take the tone of the next song and combine it with the lyrics of the previous to show that smooth transition between emotions as he grapples with his mental state, the only exception really being Interlude I, as it has an overall bouncy tone to it.

Zach not only made every single song enjoyable, but also unique and heartfelt. Just listen to how his voice shakes during Christie Only Knows. He is genuinely upset and lost, and because of this, he’s better able to convey the HUGE emotion dump that was his album.

Do I recommend it? Yes. I think there’s something in there for everyone, even if you only enjoy one of the songs. However, doing a review is going to be an entire post in and of itself.

Thanks for reading, guys. Now go listen to the album and tell me your thoughts. Does my explanation make sense? Do you have a better idea? Let me know. I want to have a real discussion about it with other people who have listened to the whole thing, not just Interlude IV.

If you haven’t listened to it yet, it’s on YouTube and ITunes. Do yourself a favor and check it out. The whole thing is ~45 minutes long.

Have a link to the playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_n1rA_1uUBtxoATot0ixiTgvdEHhj3lAn4

[danihow]

No answer

Soulmate AU

Bucky Barnes x Deaf!Reader

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Summary: In a world where everyone is born with their soulmates last words said to them before they die or leave is tattooed somewhere in your body, but your soulmate is unable to see them.

Warning: Angst, death, but fluff before all that.

Word count: 3k, yeah a bit long, sorry.

A/N: I felt like doing a deaf!reader in a soulmate au because why not. And this idea is not mine, i saw it somewhere and credit to them. And also, I kinda love having a deaf character.

Gif ain’t mine but THOSE EYES THO.

Soulmates last words appear as a silver-inked mark on people’s bodies as a punishment from the angels to their actions, yet you didn’t care about them, you saw not actual point in having the last words of the love of your life tattooed, you didn’t understand what did humanity did to have such a bitter punishment as the words you’ll last hear from the person you will love the most just to know that they won’t be there anymore. People actually didn’t enjoy this soulmate thing a lot since they lived wondering if they are with their actual person and won’t find out until the day comes.

So, indeed you didn’t paid too much attention to these words on your collarbone who seemed pretty damn sad and made you want to not even meet them, you didn’t want them to hurt if the scenario of your or their departing was as tragic as the words wrote in silver were.

“Doll, you can’t leave me now, not now.”

You couldn't imagine a happy and calm scenario where those words can be said, no, they were sad, depressive and desperate words, yet you didn't knew if they were because you died too soon or you lived a long live with someone who wasn't ready to let you. Anyway, whoever says does words is hurting and you don't want them to hurt.

You lived your live worrying internally about it to the point that no one else knew about your words and you didn’t spoke about them if you were asked. Yet, your heart now belonged to a man who you deep inside prayed wasn’t the one your words came from, the man whose arm you repaired when you met and made what nobody else has done for you in order to make you happy, Bucky Barnes.

Bucky and you got to know each other in a special way, it happened when he entered the laboratory searching for the person that was going to change his arm after a rough mission. You were arranging the tools you were about to use to place someone’s metal arm as Tony indicated you to. The one-armed man greeted you with a “Good night” and felt a little bit disrespected when you didn’t even flinch to his words, he repeated in case he spoke too softly but yet received no answer.

He sat kind of mad in one of the stools of the lab, waiting for someone else to come and stayed in silence for a while at the same time you searched for something in a shelf, not being tall enough to reach it. “You need help?” He offered talking loud enough for you to be able to hear, but you didn’t. He pursed his lips while staying there, watching you trying to reach for whatever you needed, standing on a stool. 

He knew he did some things wrong in the past but you were disrespecting him quite a lot when you didn’t even greet back the simple good night he gave you. He stayed there again, waiting for someone to pay him attention.

Yet you kept there, in your world, not saying a word. After around ten minutes he stood there and you were still submerged in your own world. The impatience winning him over and in need of the repair he stood up the chair and walked to you.

“There’s actual no need to be rude to me, it’s kind of disrespectful.” He said firmly while approaching to where you stood, tapping your shoulder once and make you to flinch quite a lot.

You turned around scared and defensive, moving so quickly you tossed a couple of tools away the table. 

The petrified look on your eyes made him feel some kind of pressure in his chest, a guiltiness like no other for scaring the fuck out of you. “Oh shoot, sorry ma’am.” He said but you didn’t answered him again.

You did a sign with your hands, dragging your index finger from your ear to your mouth. By the confused look on his face you stretched to grab a notebook you always had near you and wrote something with a black pen.

“I’m sorry, I’m deaf.” He read in the note, feeling even guiltier if that was possible, he got so mad at you for ignoring him around five times and it wasn’t your fault, you weren’t able to hear him.

“You read lips?” He wrote back in the notebook once you handed it to him, receiving a nod from you. “I do.” You said in a soft almost inaudible voice.

“I’m here for the arm Stark talked about.” He says not as fast as he was used to so you didn’t struggle and then pointed at his arm.

You gave him a soft, warm smile and pointed to a chair so he could take a seat, grabbing the set of things you already had prepared. “I’m really sorry ma’am, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He said when you looked at him before starting, gaining a weak “Don’t worry” in response.

Your voice was really weak, yet soft and warm that his first instinct was to protect you, feeling crazy for thinking such a thing about a women he didn’t knew. You kind of explained to him through the notebook that you were going to replace his arm with a new one Shuri sent from Wakanda and if something hurt he must tell you immediately by rising his hand or something; while he read the message he couldn’t help but think about how beautiful your handwriting was and how much patience you had with him to write everything. He nodded in response and left the book aside.

You started by asking him to remove his shirt so you could remove the arm, yet you ended helping him when some strands of cloth got stuck in the open metal. You couldn’t help yourself by looking for a few seconds to the man’s shirtless torso before starting to remove his old broken arm. You let the arm aside, now starting to fix the wires and cutting open some others so you could connect the shoulder to the new sensorial adjustments Shuri created. You applied him some anesthesia on the shoulder skin and flesh that was still there so the adjustment to the neurons wouldn’t hurt him. 

The procedure went well until the readjustment part, he grabbed your hand with his flesh one when he felt a stung in his shoulder that hurt enough even with his really high pain tolerance. You stopped, looking worried at him as he closed his eyes shut, he hated being like this but shit, that hurt badly. After a while he nodded and let you continue with your worked.

He stared at you through the process, paying attention to the little details on your face so he could distract himself of you working and seeing his scars, he noticed the little wrinkles by your eyes when you smiled and noticed how calm you were and looked while working, without the terror he caused you a while ago.

You remember when you finished and connected the wire that made the arm functional, you remembered how he opened his eyes widely at the sensorial panels working, feeling your hands on his forearm. He looked at you in surprise and you chuckled a little under your breath.

You left the tools beside his old arm and watched his reaction, his metal arm moved, readjusting to the size of his shoulder and with his metal hand he reached to you but stopped, considering he could hurt you without knowing this arm’s strength so he instead reached for a tool near him, feeling the cold metal in his fingers and smiled. 

“When something hit you abruptly or penetrates the covering top of the panels they will shut down so you won’t feel the hurt.” You handed him the notebook.

“Thank you...” Then it hit him, he hadn’t presented himself to you or asked for you name, where did his manners went? Back in his times his mom would’ve smacked him in the face the second she knew. 

“Y/N” You said while doing the hand signs to it. Then he questioned himself about how to say to you his name, he reached out for the notebook again and wrote it so you could know it. 

“It’s a pleasure Bu... Bucky?” You said in a question, not knowing how to pronounce it. Then smiling widely at him when he nodded to you, you said it right.

“The pleasure’s mine.” He said and stood up after you did. “I’m still sorry for scaring you.” He said with shame on his voice. 

“No big deal, it happens usually.” You say in your soft weak voice and smile at him.

Now he had nothing to do there so you both walked to the entrance of the lab in slow pace in silence, when he got to the door he stood there. “How do you say goodnight?” He asks, wanting to properly greet you this time.

Your warm smile grows in your lips and you do slowly the hand sign, he copies you with concern and doubt in his expressions, smiling proudly when you say it back.

Then he was gone even if he wanted to stay longer, you light up a curious and interested side in him like no one else did before.

The days passed by with him coming periodically to see you for the reviewing of his new arm. Around the second Thursday of visiting you at your lab he greeted you in sign language, surprising you and making you feel extremely happy, he had seen you talk in ASL to your lab colleagues and felt bad for you having to write down everything for him or at least what you couldn’t speak.

He talked to Steve and Sam about you all the time to the point they knew more about you that they should. He talked about your facial expressions while talking in ASL, about how soft your voice was when you spoke, even about how now you knew he entered the lab with the new bracelet Tony made for you with its own AI named MAC (that stood for More Awesome Creations) which was connected to FRIDAY and buzzed in morse code when someone came in the lab.

After some more weeks the visits became biweekly yet he found a way to see you more often than that and you didn’t complain about it at all, you were really happy with having him around.

He got to know about you more and more every time he went, he learned your interests, your manners, your hobbies and even learnt about you past, he now knew that you became deaf twelve years ago at age of fifteen in an accident so you can still talk without hearing yourself. He started asking FRIDAY to show him some pages about learning ASL so you could talk freely with him and to surprise you.

In the matter of months, you two were like best friends, Tony hired you officially and permanently around four months before when you accomplished six months around here. Yet Bucky didn’t just felt things for you like he felt for Natasha or Wanda, his feelings were far away of what friends felt and each day they grew further to the point that Steve, Sam and even Tony and Nat were telling him to ask you out, but he was too afraid of rejection and to make your friendship go to waste that he kept his feelings for himself, befriending you.

On the other hand, you were like a part of the team by the year of being there and they all were pretty happy about your presence. They all had their very own way of friending you, Sam struggled a little bit with learning sign language so he uses quite a lot the little pocket notebook you gifted him so he can talk to you, Tony gifted you for your birthday an intelligent watch that writes in its screen what people are saying to you in case you don’t read the lips fast enough so you can use it in reunions.

Natasha and Clint didn’t struggle at all with learning the language and Steve was actually really agile at learning it too, surprising you a lot. Wanda struggled a bit more so she had another little notebook and pen in her pocket like Samuel, the Queens kid, Peter, was pretty fast at learning it to the point he easily became like your little brother since he spent most of the time at the lab upgrading his suit and his talkative-self forced himself to learn ASL so he can keep telling you about his day at school every day.

And so it went with everyone else, they adapting to you or you adapting to them, whatever came first.

Then, today was the day Fury finally decided to send you in a mission with the team since they were extracting some new tech and you were crucial to take care of it and evaluate it.

Obviously, you were left at the jet with Bruce, who even had some tea onboard to calm the nerves the mission gave him before his time to shine green came.

Bucky was actually really worried for you throughout the mission, thinking about finishing this as fast as possible so all of you can go back to the compound and to have you out of risk, save in his arms. 

When the objective was achieved the super soldier was heading back to the jet with Wanda by his side. He smiled at the thought of being back at the compound, laying in the sofa watching a movie while you were reading and playing with his hair, as always.

But that wasn’t in the plans of destiny.

You smiled at both of them warmly and welcomed them, you hugged Wanda, who was the first one on board but when you were about to hug the super soldier his enhanced hearing sensed something, a click and some branches moving and before he could turn around someone shoot you, letting you stand there as a big red stain formed on your chest, right were you heart is, and another two stains formed on your stomach. 

Both of them froze for a moment, looking at you as if it wasn’t real, then he finally turned around, spotting the sniper behind a bunch of trees, shooting at him with his weapon. 

Bucky raced to reach you before you fell, grabbing you between his arms and leaning you down to the floor slowly as his eyes started to water. 

“Doll, hey Y/N, look at me.” He said knowing you couldn’t hear him, his eyes terrified at the idea of losing you. “Doll, look at me, please.” He begged, his voice cracking as his hands were now stained with your blood. 

You looked at him, staring right into his blue watery eyes, giving him a little warm smile just as the one you gave him when you first met. “Hey, I’m here.” You whispered with your soft and even weaker voice, rising your hand to spoon his cheek, rubbing your thumb in there to comfort him.

Wanda was shocked, standing by his side, she got down to her knees, putting her hand on Bucky’s shoulder as he held you in his arms, watching a scene no one will ever want to watched.

Then Steve and Tony came over, their joyful expressions breaking at the sight that welcomed them at the jet.

“Don’t leave me Y/N.” Bucky said desperately, you read his lips and tried to smile. “You can’t.” Shit. No, no, no, no, you didn’t like where this was going, no, shit no, it can’t be him, you’d prayed each night and day for him to not be the one so he wouldn’t hurt add he was doing now.

“Bucky, I love you, okay?” You whispered even weaker against the growing pain in your heart, rubbing the tears away of your man’s face. “I love you, remember that.”

It felt like a knife was stabbed in Bucky’s heart when those words came to his mind, no, you said the words that were tattooed on his ribs since almost a century ago, he couldn’t lose you now. “Doll, you can’t leave me now, not now.” He said with the pain in his chest increasing, his tears falling down his cheeks as your eyes were fixed in his. 

You were his soulmate and you were just about to die, there was nothing to do, if there was the words wouldn’t be there.

Your chest hurt but not because of the bullet, not anymore, it hurt because of his words, you were soulmates but you were too afraid of ruining everything that didn’t even got to be together. The look in his eyes, his face, he knew it too but even if you tried to speak, no words came out. Both of you were crying, you wanted to kiss him to at least know how it would’ve felt but you couldn’t move too much anymore, you were giving your last breaths.

Bucky thought about it too, leaning until your nose touched his, giving you a delicate and sad first and last kiss. Then he couldn’t hear your heartbeat anymore, he separated a few inches to see you, lifeless with your eyes peacefully closed. “No, doll.” He muttered, not even caring about his colleagues seeing him. “Y/N...” He held your fragile and dead body against his, crying his heart out in your hair. After a little while Steve approached to his friend, putting his hand on his other shoulder. 

“Buck, we need to go, more are coming.” He whispered carefully, as if the simplest words could shatter his friend in pieces.

“She was her all along, Steve, and I lost her.” He cried without letting you go and those words were like a bucket of cold water for the rest, Tony and Wanda crying you silently as Steve stepped back to give him the time he needed.

Their friend had just lost the love of his life.

You.

[cherry-valentine]

So I recently read Killing Stalking over the course of two days. The first day was spent fleeing my home from flood waters and so I read the first half of the manwha on my phone in the parking lot of a grocery store. I was so absorbed in the story that I didn’t have time to worry about whether or not my house was washing away (it didn’t, and there was no damage, thanks for asking). I know I was pretty late to the party on this one, and it wasn’t because I wanted to avoid the series. To be honest it sounded like something I would love from the moment I heard about it, but at the time, I was busy and ended up forgetting it. I saw some pictures from it on Tumblr a few days back, was reminded, and decided to give it a shot. I have some feelings and random opinions on it that I felt like sharing. Most of these will include spoilers for the entire story, so be warned. Also: TW: ABUSE

But first, my non-spoilery plea to others who haven’t read it (and I guess the first thing I wanted to talk about): If you’re avoiding the series because you’ve heard that it glorifies or romanticizes abusive relationships, you can put that concern to rest. I honestly don’t know how anyone can walk away from the series with that take. The relationship portrayed in the series is nightmarish, and even the parts that aren’t so nightmarish are tense and very much realistic in the way abusive relationships actually work. Abusers aren’t abusive 100% of the time, and that’s what makes them so insidious. If they were terrible all the time, it would be much easier to hate them, leave them, and forget them. Instead, they are often kind, generous, and loving between incidents of abuse. This is to keep their victims emotionally attached to them. For many of these abusers, they may even feel actual love for their victims (a twisted, selfish love for sure, but I’ve always been of the belief that love can be a bad thing in certain situations). So even though there are moments in the series where the relationship seems to be going “well”, there’s always a sense of dread hanging over it, the feeling that at any moment, things are going to explode.

From here on out, there are !!MAJOR SPOILERS!! for the entire series.

A lot of people have identified the most sad or tragic or painful moments for them while reading, and those moments vary quite a bit between people. For me, the moment that gouged out my heart, the moment that was such a punch to the gut that I almost felt physical pain, was just a tiny thing. Toward the end, the first time Bum tries to go to the hospital Sangwoo is at, and the cab driver treats him like shit, Bum thinks “Why does everyone treat me like this?” And then we see flashbacks of moments when Sangwoo was kind to him. And... that right there. That got me. The fact that his abuser, the person who had treated him so cruelly, was also the only person who had treated him with actual kindness, broke my heart. The fact that he’d lived his whole life and experienced nothing but cruelty or indifference or betrayal. The only person who ever made him feel special, feel loved, was also the person who had tormented him. And it hurt so much to read, because I know that’s how many real life abuse victims feel. It was, in my opinion, the most tragic aspect of the series.

My last opinion might be a little controversial. Something I noticed when checking out the fandom for the series was how anyone who even hinted that they’d like for Sangwoo and Bum to be happy together was met with absolute hate and fury (slinging around lots of terrible insults like “failed abortion” and things I won’t repeat here - like yeah great idea explaining how abusive relationships are bad by being verbally abusive). Now, as a logical adult, I know it would be totally impossible for them to have a happy relationship (and indeed they didn’t). I didn’t even want them to be together. I just wanted them both to get a lot of therapy. The “headcanon” I came up with to make myself feel less depressed after the ending was that they both died and were then reborn into loving, nurturing environments where they grew up to be happy, well-adjusted people who would meet in college and have a healthy relationship. But I do understand the people who saw the less horrible moments and thought, “I wish they could just be happy together”. Because it did feel like these two thoroughly broken people had found a tiny, miniscule amount of happiness and love, even if it was clear it definitely would not last and definitely was not healthy. I get feeling that way.

And actually, the series plays a fairly clever trick on the reader. Just like real life abuse victims have trouble hating and leaving their abusers when those abusers are kind or show a more human side to them, Sangwoo became much harder to hate and dismiss once his traumatic childhood was revealed and he showed some kindness to Bum. It’s like the series was showing us exactly how abuse victims remain attached to their abusers, by making us stay attached to Sangwoo as a character. For the first half of the series I despised him, but the series tricked me into sympathizing with him and even feeling sorry for him and wishing he could be happy. And that. right. there. That’s how abusers get you. I thought it was a very smart way to portray this concept.

I also get that some BL fans DID romanticize and even fetishize the relationship. But, and hear me out please, I don’t think that’s a reason to totally dunk on those fans. Most of the fans who felt that way are probably fairly young, probably naive, probably exploring some dark fantasies for (perhaps) the first time in their lives. I think most people have something that introduced them to darker fantasies (rape fantasies, violent kinks, etc.). When you’re young, these are pretty thrilling to think about, and as long as you limit this exploration to works of fiction, it’s a safe way to dig into these fantasies. For most people, they grow out of them. The thrill wears off as they get older or they become mature enough to realize how horrible and scary those situations would be in real life. Some people keep those kinds of kinks all their lives, and as long as they limit it to fantasy and fiction, or consensual situations, that’s fine. But we need to understand that Killing Stalking, just by nature of having a very attractive character like Sangwoo, is going to be that piece of media that introduces a lot of younger people to those darker fantasies. And it’s not necessarily a terrible thing to let them safely explore those fantasies with this story. Because the story doesn’t encourage it. It doesn’t paint a rosey picture of this kind of relationship. It’s horrifying and ends in tragedy and trauma for everyone involved.

My “thing” that introduced me to darker fantasies was a movie called Boxing Helena, which I watched when I was most definitely too young. For those who haven’t seen it, it actually shares some themes with Killing Stalking (involving a sexy but psychotic man who had lots of issues relating to his mother and keeps a woman captive in his home, partly because she reminds him of his mother, and does horrible things to her - there’s even a scene where he brings another woman home and has sex with her while the captive woman is forced to watch through a cracked door. Sounds familiar, right?). It felt dark and dangerous and taboo, because it was also horrific. But it was exciting. Of course, I grew out of things like that, but it would have been absolutely no help to have a ton of people screaming at me that I was a sick pervert for finding the psycho guy hot (I mean it was Julian Sands in the 90’s, can you really blame me?).

If you come across younger fans who think Killing Stalking was sexy and say dumb things like, “I’d like to be in Sangwoo’s basement!” (actual comment I saw), don’t immediately harp on them and make them feel bad. They’re just exploring their own fantasies. It would be much more helpful to calmly and patiently talk to them and point out that it’s okay to like this stuff in fiction, but to be very careful about how they explore these feelings in reality. I’d be willing to bet that the vast majority of these people are just virginal teenagers who would never in a million years get involved in a dangerous relationship. So let’s cut them a little slack.

Note: When I refer to younger fans, I’m thinking 18-20 or so, and of course the younger teens who are going to read this whether we want them to or not. I am in no way suggesting that we should encourage younger people to read it. Just that, if you come across a younger person who has already read it, yelling insults at them over their naive opinions on it isn’t going to be helpful to anyone.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say about it for now. I just felt very strongly about it and felt like sharing.

[terramythos]

TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 16 of 26

Title: Tales From Earthsea (Earthsea Cycle #5) (2001)

Author: Ursula K. Le Guin

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Short Story Collection, Novella, Third-Person, Female Protagonist 

Rating: 8/10 (note: this is an average)

Date Began: 7/2/2021

Date Finished: 7/6/2021

Tales From Earthsea is a collection of five short stories and novellas which take place in the Earthsea universe. In addition, there’s a supplementary timeline of Earthsea’s history, tradition, and cultural details of note. The last story in the collection, Dragonfly, serves as a bridge between Tehanu (#4) and The Other Wind (#6), the final book in the series. 

Of the five stories, my favorites (both 10/10s) were The Finder and On The High Marsh.

The way one does research into nonexistent history is to tell the story and find out what happened. I believe this isn’t very different from what historians of the so-called real world do. Even if we are present at some historic event, do we comprehend it— can we even remember it— until we can tell it in a story? 

Content warnings, individual ratings/commentary, and spoilers below the cut.

Content warnings for the book: Death and violence, child abuse (including implied sexual abuse), police brutality, slavery, reference to torture and execution, brief reference to inc*st, misogyny, animal cruelty, mild body horror, very brief implied mind control via a "love charm" (it doesn't work).

#1 - The Finder (10/10)

In The Dark Time, magic is widely mistrusted. Petty tyrants use the once noble art in pursuit of power and glory. Medra, the son of a shipwright in Havnor, has magical talents honed in secret. One day, he curses a ship built for a warlord’s fleet. Unfortunately, he gets caught and sent to a prison camp. There he is forced to use finding magic to locate veins of cinnabar.

The prison exists to refine quicksilver, a substance the most powerful mage on the island believes will turn him into a god. While in the refinery, Medra feels a spiritual connection to a dying slave, a young woman named Anieb. The two of them devise a plan to kill the mage and escape. Medra’s journey eventually takes him to the island of Roke and the founding of its prestigious wizard school. 

‘The dead are dead. The great and mighty go their way unchecked. All the hope left in the world is in the people of no account.’ 

I really enjoyed this novella. The Dark Time is largely unexplored in the stories of Earthsea, so it was interesting to read about it here. I get the feeling that we’re approaching or in the middle of one such time in the real world, so seeing a version of it on the page is depressing yet hopeful. The story is dark; mass feudal warfare, a literal concentration camp in the opening half, widespread enslavement, and abuse of power. But it also offers hope and the promise of change. The story also explores the integral role of women in not only the preservation of magic in a bleak age of humanity, but the very foundation of Roke. 

Medra’s story spoke to me; how he resists the despotic powers-that-be, his connection with Anieb even after her tragic death, and how despite his disillusionment with humanity, he ultimately fights to create a better world. I also thought Gelluk was a horrifying villain. He’s characterized as a soft-spoken, almost kindly man who loves children and animals— yet his narrative thoughts involve burning hundreds of slaves alive in order to better fuel the quicksilver refinery. “Nice doesn’t mean good” taken to an extreme, and a mirror of many villains in the real world. 

Le Guin was anti-capitalist, but that way of thinking seems peripheral in the Earthsea series. The Finder, however, definitely has a Marxist reading in it. A recurring theme is the disenfranchised rising up against the powerful. Indeed both antagonists, who are despotic wizards of great power, are soundly defeated by groups of people they consider powerless. Magic is only considered relevant for the value and power it produces, an idea antithetical to the rest of the series. The quicksilver refinery also embraces anti-capitalist rhetoric; this section focuses on how mass enslavement and death is used to manufacture a meaningless commodity only one person “benefits” from. That’s not even getting into the prison-industrial complex. 

I dunno. This story slaps. It’s not at all what I expected from a Roke origin story.

#2 - Diamond and Darkrose (5/10)

Diamond, the son of a prosperous lumber merchant, struggles to find his true calling in life. His father disapproves of almost everything he does, including his close friendship with the local witch’s daughter Rose. While he loves music, his father derides his talents and forces him to abandon the pursuit. When Diamond shows some  promise in magic, he travels to a neighboring town to serve as the local wizard’s apprentice. But when this path estranges him from Rose, he grows disillusioned.

Rose had looked after herself from an early age; and this was one of the reasons Diamond loved her. With her, he knew what freedom was. Without her, he could attain it only when he was hearing and singing and playing music.

I did not like this story very much. I gave Diamond and Darkrose a 5/10 because it’s competently written (duh), and the protagonist has a character arc not entirely dependent on the central romance. But that’s about all I can say for it.

None of the characters are especially appealing. Diamond’s mentor figures are all extremely narrow-minded. Rose, supposedly his true love since childhood, drops him the moment things become difficult. And Diamond himself is a pushover who only grows a spine and pursues his dreams at the end of the story. I understand that’s his character flaw and his arc is about overcoming that. But due to all these factors, I was annoyed by every major character. The only person I didn’t dislike was Diamond’s mother, who only shows up for a couple of scenes.

Someone please tell me there are love stories out there where the romantic tension is NOT based on a fucking MISUNDERSTANDING. That shit drives me up a wall! It’s so overdone and painful to read.

#3 - The Bones of the Earth (8/10)

Dulse is an aging wizard on the island of Gont, reflecting on his life and relationship with his former apprentice, a young man he calls Silence. But he senses something amiss on the island; a massive earthquake poised to destroy a nearby port town and its inhabitants. To avert disaster, Dulse realizes he must turn to an ancient form of magic taught to him long ago— and he needs Silence’s help to save the town.

In there he knew he should hurry, that the bones of the earth ached to move, and that he must become them to guide them, but he could not hurry. There was on him the bewilderment of any transformation. He had in his day been fox, and bull, and dragonfly, and knew what it was to change being. But this was different, this slow enlargement. I am vastening, he thought.

So I’ve always liked Ogion in the main series; I love the idea of an immensely powerful wizard who lives an unassuming life of silence, contemplation, and appreciation of the natural world. In The Bones of the Earth, we get a glimpse of Ogion through his mentor’s eyes. Ogion’s heroism and how he stopped the earthquake is mentioned several times in the main series, but this is our first look at what actually happened.

Dulse is an unexpected and fascinating perspective character. It would be so easy to tell this story wholly from Ogion’s perspective, but I think making Dulse the protagonist was the right call. In particular, Dulse’s mind is starting to go. Le Guin presents this by utilizing flashbacks and connecting them to the present. This technique conveys Dulse’s disorientation and confusion so the reader experiences it alongside him... it’s hard to describe without actually reading the story. I also loved the little twist at the end regarding where Dulse learned the ancient magic that saves the island. There’s also a strong thematic connection to The Farthest Shore; death and becoming one with the rest of the world.

#4 - On The High Marsh (10/10)

A half-mad wanderer named Irioth comes upon a small settlement on the volcanic, marshy island of Semel. A murrain has been devastating the local cattle population, and Irioth offers his powers as a curer to heal the animals. He settles into a calm rural life with Gift, a widow working a small dairy. Though Gift likes Irioth, and the animals instinctively trust him, she senses something amiss with the man. Soon, Irioth’s dark past threatens to return and disturb the peace.

“Oh, yes,” Irioth said. “It was my fault.” But she forgave, and the grey cat was pressed up against his thigh, dreaming. The cat’s dreams came into his mind, in the low fields where he spoke with the animals, the dusky places. The cat leapt there, and then there was milk, and the deep soft thrilling. There was no fault, only the great innocence. No need for words. They would not find him here. He was not here to find. There was no need to speak any name. There was nobody but her, and the cat dreaming, and the fire flickering. He had come over the dead mountain on black roads, but here the streams ran slow among the pastures.

This story is a banger. It has a Western vibe— a stranger coming into a cattle town haunted by a mysterious past. Also cowboys. It’s an atmospheric story, and I think hits on the “small rural town” vibe better than Tehanu did. But there were several writing choices I especially liked.

We don’t learn Irioth’s name until a little while into the story; his physical description, temperament, and ability to immediately identify Gift’s true name just by looking at her makes one assume he’s Ged. He’s also got an interesting redemption arc, because it’s presented in a reverse order. We see Irioth’s genuine desire to do good, and his gentle and patient manner with animals and other people. He doesn’t even consider asking for payment for curing the murrain until Gift tells him he should. But there’s a sense that something is off; he’s paranoid, clearly running from something. The use-name he picks is Otak, a fictional ferret-like creature— which Gift asserts looks nice, but has sharp teeth.

Near the end, Ged actually does show up and explain what happened to Irioth. They have pretty similar backstories; both were powerful, arrogant young mages who messed with forces  they shouldn’t have, then went through great personal sacrifice to right the wrong (oh god the initial deception was intentional they’re narrative foils oh god). Ged embraced the darkest aspects of himself to avert calamity. Irioth came to Semel to escape Roke and atone by helping others. One detail I especially liked was that Irioth once considered healing beneath him, but now he takes a deep joy in using it to help. 

#5 - Dragonfly (8/10)

Irian lives a solitary life-- her father is a drunkard living in the ruins of their family’s once prosperous estate. Her closest relationship is with the local village witch, who named her in secret in the dead of night.  When a disgraced young wizard named Ivory comes to town, he sees Irian as a potential conquest. To gain power over her, he hatches a scheme; disguise Irian as a man, travel to Roke, and sneak her into the male-only wizard school— humiliating the great Masters.

But Irian is restless. She knows she has power, but her true nature is a mystery even to her. Irian sees Ivory’s plan as an opportunity to find answers from the most powerful wizards in the world. When the Doorkeeper actually lets her into the school, she finds herself in a magical and political conflict over the future of Roke— and discovers what exactly she is.

“Dark is bad,” said the Patterner. “Eh?”

Irian drew a deep breath and looked at him eye to eye as they sat there. “Only in dark the light,” she said.

This is one of those stories that has a rocky start, but a great second half. The first part of the novella felt dry to me; I’ve read plenty of tales about social outcasts with weird, unexplainable powers. On top of this, a chunk of the early narration is from Ivory’s POV, and he’s a complete tool. That can be a fun perspective to take, and I like the fact that he thinks he’s manipulating Irian when she’s the one pulling the strings. But since he’s an irrelevant character who disappears from the story halfway through, it feels like a waste to devote a huge chunk of the story to him.

However, once Irian arrives at Roke, the story gets much more interesting. Her presence at Roke causes a huge scandal that divides the Masters. Women being forbidden from Roke is a Series Thing at this point, but Earthsea is in an era of change (although I DO question that she’s the first woman to try it). The Finder demonstrated that women were pivotal in the foundation of Roke, something largely erased from history. Barring women stems from a power hungry bigot codifying it into tradition.

Irian finds some unexpected allies--minor characters in the previous books. The Doorkeeper continues to be the coolest motherfucker there. The Patterner is a major character in this story; he was in just one scene in The Farthest Shore, so I liked learning more about him. The Namer is the kind of guy you’d expect to be a stodgy traditionalist, so him siding with Irian is surprising. The Summoner, a heroic figure in previous books and stories, is a sinister villain here. As for the ending, well… if you didn’t see it coming, I’d wonder if you even read Tehanu. The same hints are there.

There were little particulars I liked, such as Irian moving into a decrepit hut that’s definitely Medra’s old home. My favorite detail is that this story has a parallel scene with The Finder. In The Finder, there’s a scene where an antagonist, Early, invades Roke in the form of a dragon. He lands on Roke Knoll, a site of power that reveals one’s true form. It turns him back into a human, leaving him defenseless when the residents of Roke attack him and repel his invasion. The reversal happens in Dragonfly. Irian gets attacked by one of the Masters while at Roke Knoll — and its magic turns her into her true form, a dragon. Props to whoever picked the cover design, since it references both scenes.

#6 - A Description of Earthsea

I’m not rating this since it’s basically a lore dump. It’s a deep dive into Earthsea’s history, languages, cultures, and other relevant world details. It’s the kind of bonus info a lot of fantasy series tack on as reference material.  According to Le Guin, she wrote this to get some idea of the timeline on each of these stories.

As a series, Earthsea has relatively little worldbuilding exposition. Sometimes characters reference legends or historical events, but usually the reader lacks the context to fully understand them. The focus is more on the lives of the characters and their personal experience of the world. I think something like A Description of Earthsea has benefits and drawbacks for the reader. On one hand it's nice to have some definitive information to tie things together. On the other, this does represent a loss of some of the mystery in the story.

I think this is the first thing in the series that even mentions homosexuality, so props for that I guess?

Closing Thoughts

A short story collection is always going to have high and low points. I tend to look at each story individually and score that way, but an average is always misleading. Diamond and Darkrose dragged the score down since there were only five stories total. But I enjoyed the majority of them. I am interested to see where the human/dragon subplot goes in the final installment; I assume Irian will show up at some point? We’ll see.

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 64 Poll Results (for Manga Readers)

The poll closed with 227 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Manga Readers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll, click here.

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RATE THE EPISODE 218 Responses

As has been the trend, the episode received mostly positive reviews, with over 90% of respondents giving the episode a score of 4 or 5. Not too shabby for one of the most anticipated episodes of the season!

Absolutely loved it!

MAPPA's winning streak continues with a near perfect adaptation.

Epic as hell wonderful adaptation. 

I was on the edge of my Seat the whole time, even tho I read the Manga. It was amazing. 

Best cliffhanger yet

PHENOMENAL!! THE TENSION DIDN'T LET UP FOR A SECOND

I really liked the episode. People can criticize, but Mappa couldn't have done the episode in another way. They're doing an amazing job, the animation is beautiful, the musics are amazing 

Fairly good 8/10

It was ok, would've preferred a better climax.

Almost perfect episode

I thought this episode was adapted incredibly well; I enjoyed it more than I did previous episodes. The opening theme still isn't working entirely for me, though.

Best episode of season 4 so far. Also, Rage Mode is back…

Most anticipated episode and Mappa 100% delivered. MAPPA GOAT

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 220 Responses

As expected, the cliffhanger of the episode was the most favored moment (with 40.5% of the vote) with Eren transforming during the declaration of war was finally brought to life. The subsequent favored moments all contained various partts of Eren and Reiner’s basement reunion. 

Reiner ready to protect Falco over himself made me love him even more, this moment needs more spotlight

Eren and Reiner's voice actors really went out of their way this episode. Their performance was ✨phenomenal✨

Reiner is really well-done in this episode. They were really able to capture his inner torment, not to mention the voice acting is amazing.

WHICH INTERPRETATION (BY RBA) OF THE OLD MAN’S STORY DO YOU THINK IS CLOSEST TO WHAT THE MAN ACTUALLY THOUGHT? 217 Responses

At 56.7%, the majority believe Bertolt was correct in that the old man RBA spoke with wanted to be judged before his death. 23.5% agree with Reiner that there’s no way they’ll ever know, and only 19.8% agreed with Annie in that he wanted to be forgiven.

IN THE SAME VEIN, WHICH OF THE AFOREMENTIONED INTERPRETATION FITS REINER’S STATE OF MIND IN THE BASEMENT SCENE? 217 Responses

In that same vein, the majority (52.1%) also believes that Reiner wanted to receive judgement, perhaps from Eren. Just a little under 31% believe that in addition to receiving judgement, Reiner also wants to receive forgiveness. Few believe Reiner solely wants forgiveness. Finally, a little under 9% simply aren’t sure what Reiner wants.

He knows what he's done and he knows it's unforgivable so I think he just wants a release from it all

He is depressed, has PTSD, and feels tremendously guilty.

He wants to die for his sins, I don't think it's either for for forgiveness or judgement, but his own internal quilt..

He wants to be free (of this world) da guilt too much

He wants to be judged and killed 

He wants to die

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET A HUG FROM PIECK? 219 Responses

An incredibly serious question with a lopsided result. Just under 84% would like to receive a hug from Pieck, in contrast to a miniscule percentage who’d rather not. 12.3% don’t really care about stuff like this.

DO YOU THINK HELOS ACTUALLY EXISTED? 217 Responses

The plurality (little under 42%) believe Helos was a complete fabrication, down to his very existence. Some others (26.7%) think he existed, but wasn’t anybody special or (17.5%) think he existed and was actually involved with ending the Great Titan War. A bit under 14% just don’t care.

“I’M THE SAME AS YOU.” EREN SAID THIS TO REINER A FEW TIMES IN THE EPISODE. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT? DO YOU THINK EITHER OF THEM HARBOR A GRUDGE AGAINST THE OTHER? 108 Responses

One of the episode’s (and the adapted chapters’) focuses is the meeting between Eren and Reiner, in addition to their general relationship. Many people seemed to give their thoughts on the central motif of the meeting, and whether either of them bear a grudge against the other:

yes and no- they’re both broken by what they’ve done (and will continue to do) to each other, and those feelings are as mixed as can be. 

No, they understand each other, and the horrible acts they do is the result of seeking the best for the ones they love, in an unbearably cruel world they were born into

Probably not, from Reiner i think it's just a lot of remorse for what he did, as for Eren, he's probably beyond all of that.

They were forced to do what they had to do and both were ignorant as kids.

No grudges. And I think Eren believes he and Reiner are the same, and therefore that Reiner can understand what he is about to do and why. Eren didn't need to have this conversation with Reiner, and yet, he risked Reiner possibly interfering in his plan to talk to the one person he believes understands what he is about to do. Eren no longer believes his friends will understand his actions, which is why he did not confide in them, but he clings to the idea that Reiner will. However, I personally do not believe they are the same. Reiner's actions, while horrible, were those of a brainwashed child. Eren is an adult, about to set in motion genocide on a much larger scale. There is just no comparing it. 

There's definitely animosity between them/they genuinely dislike each other from this point on. Last battle of Shiganshina Made it clear imo.

No, if circumstances were different, they would be best friends.

They share a lot of similarities, but it all comes down to the path they take by the end of the story. While Eren decided to commit mass genocide, Reiner is regreting his past actions and trying to save the world. I don't think they absolutely despise each other, they understand their struggles but both are ready to stop one another even if it means killing them in the process

Not sure. Reiner took Eren's family so not completely same-same trauma

Yes and no, feelings aren't particularly concrete between any two people ever. There are parts of Eren that still hate Reiner, and parts of Reiner that still hate Eren, but the same can be said of their comradery. Their relationship is pretty complex

No. Reiner doesn't hold a grudge for Eren because he is guilty. Eren doesn't hold a grudge towards Reiner because he also sees himself as a mass murderer. 

Yes, Eren still wants to inflict pain on Reiner. He just claims that Reiner didn't care about his/his family's suffering either.

No, there are no hard feelings between them. Eren has forgiven Reiner since he has understood the current state of the Eldians and how Marleyans are ( they are humans just like him). But still, Eren will keep 'moving forward' and suffer from his actions like Reiner did (him talking Bertolt and Annie into breaking the outer wall and carrying the burden).

They both know it's inevitable. There is no other option.

Not consciously, at least: both of them came to understand the larger systems and powers at play, and both of them were manipulated as children by them

DO YOU THINK THAT EREN AND REINER ARE EFFECTIVE FOILS TO EACH OTHER? 215 Responses

The vast majority (88.4%) seem to agree with the notion of Reiner being a foil to Eren, be it a complete or partial foil. Some others dissent and argue that there’s no comparison. 

They mirror each other, they have different reasons but they did the same things and had I believe very similar baseline motivations 

I had learned that a foil is defined as a character who brings light to another character's traits or motivations through the contrast between the two. So if Eren and Reiner were foils to each other, then they would have had opposite personalities, as how foils are used. But Eren said 'I'm the same as you' and they do indeed share a lot of similarities. The only significant difference is that Reiner is at the point of giving up whereas Eren still keeps moving forward. So, no, they are not foils I believe. 

I think they're more like tragic, star crossed lovers (minus any romance) 

aren’t they parallels of each other? can they be foils and parallels of each other simultaneously? or i guess  just don’t be know what either term means

SO, WAS THE DECLARATION OF WAR EVERYTHING YOU HOPED FOR? 219 Responses

Overall reception of the execution of the Declaration of War was positive, with 47% stating they were “quite pleased” with it, and another 33.8% barely being able to contain their hype at all. There are some who felt a little overwhelmed by it for one reason or another, stating it could have been better but also wasn’t bad. Others think MAPPA did the animation well but didn’t pair it with the right kind of music. A small percentage were just disappointed in it, period.

It was pretty much a 1:1 from the manga, so it was great.

Absolutely incredible, while the last music choice wasn't the best (it isn't a huge deal tho, it still fits), the rest of the episode was marvelous (direction, lighting, voice acting, music for most of it, animation) and managed to make justice to the manga chapters

i really don't care about the declaration so i wasn't hyped for it either way

It was great though music was a bit too triumphant for me (though ruined is way too strong)

I feel like such high expectations were held upon this chapter, so we're really critic about it. I would've liked a more intense music build up and manga-like animation of crushing the stage. 

I loved the music choice throughout the episode, but for the declaration itself it could have been a bit more horrorish. Still loving it. No hate for the studio, they are doing great! 

I wasn’t too happy about it at first but it’s grown on me so quickly that I think it’s well on its way to being my favorite episode out of the entire series.

The build up was amazing. Sure we hoped for more actions, but Mappa couldn't have organized the episode in another way. It was really well executed and the final scene simply left me breathless 

It was perfect, but I'd have preferred having either the coordinate/attack on titan/S4 trailer theme playing but music choice didn't ruin at all the experience

BACK WHEN WILLY ACCUSED EREN OF WANTING TO INITIATE THE RUMBLING, DID YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT WAS EREN’S GOAL WHEN YOU READ THIS CHAPTER FOR THE FIRST TIME? 212 Responses

Are we still allowed to say “hindsight is 20/20?” The majority of the fandom had more faith in Eren back when these chapters were first published, with 25.5% saying they had a suspicion that he might, but didn’t want to accept that possibility and believed in the better of him. 19.3% felt that Willy was genuinely full of crap just for the sake of demonizing Paradis, and 14.6% felt that though the Rumbling would happen, Eren wouldn’t be the one at fault. On the flipside, a smaller amount of voters fully saw this coming, with 14.6% believing this to have been Eren’s goal, but with the hope that he wouldn’t make it a reality, and 11.8% now having the pleasure of saying, “I told you so.” 

At the time i just thought it was willy's assumption he used to get the other nations to side with his agenda

I cannot even remember what I thought... too long ago

I didn’t think the rumbling was gonna happen at all, actually.

When I read the chapter the rumbling had happened

I already knew the Rumbling would happen before I read the chapter, so I don't have an opinion on this other than Willy ended up being right, even if it's only because it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I sadly had that plot point spoiled :(

At this point, I genuinely did not think the Rumbling would happen at all. 

I thought that Willy and Eren were playing along for the sake of "common enemy - unites the world". With sacrifice on both ends.

WE’VE GOTTEN A SNEAK PEAK OF YELENA IN THIS EPISODE. NOT SO MUCH THE DESIGN, BUT MORE SO THE VOICE. IT’S QUITE LOW. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT? 217 Responses

When it comes to Yelena’a introduction, it’s about as mysterious as it was in the manga. The difference however is the inclusion of a voice. The reception came out to be overwhelmingly positive, with people deeming it fitting, sexy and cool (in that order). Some others (24%) thought that it was as low as it was now only because she was imitating a soldier. Just a little over 10% simply didn’t care. 

I assume it's low right now because she knows Pieck will recognize her, but also Yelena could sound like a literal elephant and I'd still want her crazy beautiful ass to step on me

I didn't hear it well.

Reminds me of the voice actors in Claymore. It was perfect.

ANNIE STILL HASN’T REUNITED WITH HER FATHER, DO YOU THINK SHE EVER WILL? 217 Responses

In spite of both Annie and her father coming back to the forefront in recent manga chapters, they still haven’t been reunited. A plurality believes that they will. Just under a third thinks that it’s a possibility. Finally, a little over 20% don’t think that the meeting will happen.

THE NOTABLY IMPORTANT SCENE BETWEEN WILLY AND MAGATH RIDING IN THE CARRIAGE AT THE BEGINNING OF CHAPTER 100 IS MISSING IN THIS EPISODE. WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED TO IT? 214 Responses

When it comes to the rather important scene between Willy and Magath and its lack of inclusion in this episode, most people (57.9%) came out thinking that the next episode will open up on that exact scene before transitioning into Willy’s death. Some others believe that it’ll instead be shown either sometime in the next episode or just before the arc ends. On the flip side, 20.6% believe that the scene was simply cut and that’s that. 

Either it's completely cut or will appear in a flashback again

Has to be shown at the start of episode 6 otherwise that's a colossal fuck up on Mappa's part and will affect how I view this episode

Much of it was implied through the fear on Willy’s face the whole episode.

THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM - THE MUSIC. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE CHOICE AT THE END OF THE EPISODE? 218 Responses

The music choice for the climax of the episode wound up being very controversial, as many had different expectations than what MAPPA’s final product delivered to us. Though, it seems that overall the majority weren’t bothered at all by the music direction. 28% felt that it worked well with the scene, 22.9% very much enjoyed the music direction. 17% didn’t even notice the music much, being more immersed in the animation and overall development. Some felt let down, but realized in hindsight that maybe they expected too much for certain tracks (new and old) to be utilized. The rest either don’t care about the music or were massively let down by the execution overall.

It felt like Tyburs orchestra was playing them throughout the episode. It felt immersive. 

Dude it was bloody brilliant, what's everyone on about?

Not a let down, but I found it kinda funny that they chose that one. It seemed too... intense, upbeat, I'd say. Though if I was an anime-only I probably wouldn't care, because I wouldn't know what Eren was really gonna do.

I imagined *that track* behind this scene since reading ch 100 years ago so it was weird to hear different music, but as I rewatched the ep a couple of times I changed my opinion: the music they used fits just as well.

What I cared about most was proper execution of the scene, not the music. They could have used no music at all for all I care. I seriously can't believe some "fans" were so bitter about them not using YouSeeBigGirl for the declaration of war that they personally attacked the director and made him feel bad. Have we already forgotten that if it wasn't for MAPPA, we wouldn't be getting a season 4 at all?! The ungratefulness and toxic criticism is something else, man.

I was waiting for intense music, I didn't care which, but I was let down by the lack of intensivity build-up for me.

My month is ruined

It could've been better, but fuck the assholes who harassed the director over it. 

During the whole speech it was just perfect, you can really feel that growing tension. End music could be better though 

If they had just synced up 2volts explosive chorus right as Eren busts through the building in his titan form, then I think it would've worked out so much better. But yeah, I think I just over anticipated a different OST for the scene. Overall, it's okay. 

It was ok, an 8/10 choice of music

While watching I was so focused on what was happening that I didn't even notice the music so when I saw the complaints I was shocked. Keeping that moment low key until the very end with no musical signals of what was to come was perfect! Anime audiences (you know, the people this is actually for) were completely caught off guard by Eren's transformation. They legit thought Eren was befriending Reiner in that moment by lending him a hand. Having musical cues would've ruined it.

WHEN WILLY TYBUR NOTED THAT HE WISHED FOR THE EXTINCTION OF ALL ELDIANS, THE MANGA SHOWCASED A PANEL OF ZEKE, FORESHADOWING HIS ULTIMATE PLAN FOR THE FUTURE. IN THE ANIME, THIS IS JUXTAPOSED WITH REINER’S SUICIDAL PLEAS. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE CHANGE? 213 Responses

MAPPA seems to be keeping the audience even more in the dark about Zeke’s motivations than Isayama himself did in the manga… by excluding just about everything hinting at him having any motivations other than pure loyalty to Marley. In episode 64, the opted to juxtapose Willy’s speech with Reiner and Eren, leaving Zeke out of the equation. 43.2% overall were disappointed in this decision, with 24.9% feeling let down by the lack of foreshadowing of Zeke’s plan, and the other 18.3% feeling saddened by the lack of narrative contrast between the Yeager Brothers. 17.4% are hopeful for some anime-only foreshadowing.

i don’t really care about the juxtapositioning because i think the average anime only would not pick it up. but i am disappointed that the scenes that made zeke more enigmatic and suspicious were cut

Didn't even notice

I never noticed this detail in the manga, but i feel like it was better being left out to keep it as a secret.

I found it to be an effective way to make Zeke's motives even more mysterious. I also didn't mind the scene being juxtaposed with Reiner's scene because it serves as a reminder of Reiner's guilt and brainwashing from the past. Both of these things have torn him apart mentally.

It works either way for different reasons

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 218 Responses

The majority (52.3%) were most looking forward to Eren’s fight with the War Hammer Titan. 19.3% were hyped for Eren’s initial emergence from his titan form during the fight. 9.6% were looking forward to the Survey Corps throwing Pieck and Porco off guard, 8.3% were looking forward to Eren’s assault on the military and the remainder were looking forward to seeing Udo and Zofia die. Magath got a very tiny sliver of the pie.

Can't wait to watch Eren giving them the deaths they deserve again

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

I felt tense most of the time, just like when I was watching most episodes of s3 pt. 2 :')

The suspense truly killed me!!! Even tho I knew what was to come!

....I just want to know if miss tybur gets a goddamn given name already... but considering how long it took for us to get “Pieck Finger”? Dx

I likes the addition of the marley soilders approaching where eren and reiner were talking, it gave it an extra bit of intensity.

Was on the edge of my seat for the entire episode despite knowing what would happen. The VA's also delivered some of the best performances of the entire series so far. 

I absolutely loved the whole episode, the overall atmosphere, the tension building during the speech, and of course the soundtrack was excellent imo, I was not even expecting YSBG myself as I don't watch SoulMadness' videos, so in my mind that scene played out to some botched mental version of Counter Attack Mankind instead... :P

I may have known what was happening... But the music made it so much better and intense.

Also I wholeheartedly believe those professional and experienced directors know better than randoms on the internet who never directed anything. I never thought such a thing could be so controversial. :) - Ryuuhime (I lurk on reddit but almost never post)

Amazing aside from the ost at the end and the lack of direction for the transformation 

We should thank Mappa for the amazing job thus far!

Intense. Somehow even more intense than the manga at times. 

People really need to shut the fuck up and just be grateful that such an amazing studio is giving us what we never thought we’d see in a thousand years. Mappa has been going above and beyond to give us a great season and so far it’s taken the top spot of my favorite season, knocking Season 2 down to my second favorite. The voice acting, the added scenes, the directing, the animation, the character designs, I’m just grateful we’re finally seeing all of these things in the quality we haven’t gotten since Season 2. Bless Mappa 💖💖💖

Okay I'm kind of hoping we'll get the big panel of Eren emerging in the next episode cause that was pretty sick, but s4 is looking awesome so far and I think MAPPA is doing as well as they can- and exceeding expectations IMO considering WIT did so well and we all thought whoever took up SnK was gonna flop.

Fantastic adaptation. There was a lot to love. People need to calm down about the ost. 

It was rushed and lost some of its impact from the manga, but it was an otherwise excellent piece of anime storytelling when detached from the manga experience.

Isayama probably got a say in the play's direction. It was amazing.

I genuinely enjoyed watching this episode! I don't really understand all the hate towards it.

Overall, phenomenal and everything I had wanted it to be.  

AMAZING Episode. Wished for a better ost at the end but the current anime version is growing on me  

Very well done, the next one's gonna be fire!  🔥😎

talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it.

Not as strong of an adaption as other episodes, but great because the source is great.

I was so hyped for the declaration of war that I forgot that most of the episode would be dialogue. A LOT of it. Uyy. Next episode will be better.

The songs are very important on a scene, but i don't think that justifies hating on the anime just for that, the episode was great, and Mappa is doing just fine.

It pisses me off how ungrateful this fandom can be. I'm not saying we cant criticise, because that's important and valid. But seeing a vocal minority, harass the director over a song choice (which had been well made, 2Volt was great for the moment as well as the OST throughout the episode) to the point where he locked his twitter account just takes it too far. People should remember that the Anime is made for anime onlies in the first place, and I have seen VERY few anime watchers complain about the episode, next to none, actually. It's always some of the Manga readers. We literally got a perfect episode, what else do you demand? Without Mappa we wouldn't have AOT. I'm just happy we finally get the story animated.

Pretty good overall. It felt really well paced compared to the previous episodes that seemed hella rushed to me. I understand the music complaints, but otherwise a good episode :)

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 199 Responses

Thanks again to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again next episode!

[stellalux-universe]

I rarely post personal feelings or thoughts on this blog. For me, I come here to enjoy myself, to escape whatever stress is going on in life and have fun in the classic rock fandom. But I have to vent, so I hope that you’ll forgive me for redirected my focus for this post.

This morning, I, like all of my fellow Americans and indeed my fellow citizens of the world, woke up to the news that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg had passed away Friday night in her home. This fact alone was tragic, Ginsburg was a towering woman in her fight for justice and morality and an icon in the fight for women’s equality, a woman who, even as she was no doubt suffering severe pain in the later years of her life, continued to work tirelessly for those who need to protection the most. But the second article that I saw, reading that only hours after her death, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell stated that he would seek to confirm any nominee that Donald Trump put forward, sent me spiraling into a pit of despair. 

As a woman, I despaired. As a partner in an interracial marriage to an Asian immigrant, I despaired. As the best friend and chosen family to a Dreamer who is finally pregnant after spending over $15000 for in vitro fertilization, I despaired. As the best friend and chosen family of an African American gay man, I despaired. As a citizen of California, where everyday right now if I leave my apartment I am choked with the smoking evidence of climate change, I despaired. And as an American, I despaired. 

I struggled all morning and into the early afternoon and still struggle now, oscillating between depression and anger and hopelessness. This year has felt like one hammering blow after another and it’s easy to see how people can become numb, frozen, losing their faith in any hope that things might get better. 

But then I realized, no forward social progress has ever happened smoothly or easily or without moments of extreme despair. The challenges that face us are monumental. Racial inequality, economic inequality, voter suppression, a pandemic, climate change induced natural disasters, a rotten justice system, mass incarceration, extreme political polarization, just to name a few. The mountain of problems is huge, the shadow it casts is terrifying.

BUT WE CAN NOT GIVE UP.

As a millenial, political cynicism is well known to me. Like me, I’m sure that many of you on here feel like your vote does not make a difference. THAT’S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO CONTINUE TO BELIEVE. The people who are in power at this very moment, the people who continue to deny science and research that has cost and continues to cost so many lives, the people who are exhibiting such a profound lack of principle and morality as they flip the rule of law whenever it suits them, the people who refuse to come to an a agreement or compromise to put forth a desperately needed stimulus bill to help millions of people struggling every day because of this pandemic, THEY ARE COUNTING ON OUR DESPAIR TO KEEP US AT HOME. 

If we stay home, if we do nothing, things will get worse. Political inactivity is not a luxury that we have anymore. If you are eligible to vote, make sure you are registered. If you are registered, make sure your information is correct. Even if both of these things are taken care of, make sure you know all of your voting rights. If you are a disenfranchised voter, if you’ve been purged from polls because you haven’t voted in years, if your district requires voter ID that you do not have access to, if your voting precinct is too far away and you do not have the means to travel in order to vote, if your vote is being suppressed, reach out to your news stations, to journalists, to your local government’s offices and tell your story, make sure people know what is going on. DO NOT LET THEM IGNORE YOU BECAUSE IT IS YOUR RIGHT AND YOU MATTER. 

To those of us who have the time and the means, volunteer to help register people to vote, look into what you can do to make it easier for people to vote, to fight for people who are being denied their basic right as an American citizen. Fill out your census form. Reach out to your friends and family and make sure they know their rights too. To those of you who are not American, reach out to your American friends and encourage them to research their rights as well.

I’m not holding out the hope that we may win, but I sure as hell fucking know that regardless, we need to FIGHT.