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cosmicjoke · 4 months

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Armin's Role in Levi's Choice, and the Threat of Erwin's Corruption and Mental Degradation:

Alright, boys and girls, I'm going into this again, because I want to focus specifically on an aspect of Levi's choice in Shinganshina which, sadly, I'm reminded over and over again by people, is widely misunderstood or flatly ignored, and that's both Armin's pivotal role in Levi choosing as he did, and also, Erwin's own impending mental and moral collapse.

People often accuse Levi of letting his personal feelings for Erwin get in the way of making the "right" choice that day in Shinganshina, and they support this claim by making the further claim that Levi hampered humanity's chances for victory by letting Erwin die, Erwin being the great leader that he was, etc, etc... This view is shared, not unironically, I think, by everybody's favorite AoT character, Floch, who we know is a bastion of human empathy and understanding (insert sarcasm here). Because if we should believe anybody about what was really motivating Levi that day, it should be Floch, (insert further sarcasm). But I say no to these accusations, because they're undeniably refuted by what transpires in the panels of the manga itself.

Now, lets look at these panels, because we're going to analyze and break this down:

Erwin admits to Levi here that seeing what's in Eren's basement, "learning the truth about this world", as he says, is more important to him than humanity's victory. And Levi's response to that is to say "Fine. Erwin, I'll trust your judgment.". Meaning that he's trusting Erwin still to do the right thing, to make the right choice, and should things go south on them, and humanity's victory is compromised by Erwin's judgement-call, then the responsibility for that will be on Erwin and Erwin alone. Levi is both reaffirming his trust in Erwin as a leader, while also acknowledging that Erwin is suddenly, uncharacteristically, threatening to compromise the mission of the Survey Corps for selfish gain. Something which goes against every belief Levi has ever held about Erwin as a leader and a man. Levi's anger and frustration is rooted in that shaking of foundation, in the uncertainty that he now has to confront about Erwin's fitness as a leader.

What's important to remember about Erwin and this moment, is that it isn't the first instance in which he's prioritized his own, personal dream above humanity's victory. He did so as well when he orchestrated the military coup, overthrowing the nobility. Erwin admits this to Zackely, when he confesses that he isn't sure if overthrowing the nobility was really the best move for humanity, and we start to see the first cracks in Erwin's otherwise impenetrable armor.

His insistence, here, that he'll be going on the mission to Shinganshina, is the second instance in which he's placing his own, personal dream above humanity's victory.

Where before Erwin had never once compromised the SC mission for his personal dream, he's now done so twice, in short succession.

Levi, before this, had spoken with Kenny about dreams, and dreams ability to corrupt and compromise us as human beings. And we're seeing that in action here with Erwin. His dream has begun to corrupt him.

But Levi doesn't realize yet how deeply the corruption in Erwin has begun to take root. Hasn't, in fact, yet accepted that corruption in Erwin at all. He's beginning to suspect it, but he still believes in Erwin as a leader. He still trusts his judgment, as he says. He's still deferring to Erwin's judgment over his own instincts.

And Levi won't realize how deep the corruption in Erwin goes, and won't accept it, until the pivotal moment of decision, up on the roof in Shinganshina.

Now let's talk about these panels, because these are vital in understanding what Levi decides next.

The juxtaposition here of Erwin, Armin and Kenny means everything.

Levi remembers asking Erwin what happens next, once he discovers what's in Eren's basement, and Erwin admits that he doesn't know. All he knows is that he wants desperately to see what's in that basement, and after that, he has no idea. There's no grand plan, no further motivation, no vision for the future of humanity.

Then Levi recalls Kenny's words about dreams, "they couldn't keep going unless they were drunk on something", and this memory is followed by Levi's looking over at Armin's charred body, with Kenny's words ringing in his head "They were all slaves to something. Even him.". We then see Erwin's hand lift up, symbolically smacking the serum away from his arm, and he begins to ramble incoherently, lost in a memory of asking his father how he knows humanity doesn't exist beyond the walls.

It's in THIS moment that Levi realizes that Erwin hasn't been released from the grip of his dream. In his delirious, dying state, it's exposed as the thing that still drives Erwin forward, the thing that still matters to him most. His dream still has him shackled. His dream is still corrupting him.

Again, we've already seen this corruption begin to take root and manifest in Erwin making decisions which directly compromise and endanger humanity's victory, first in orchestrating the military coup, and then in insisting on being in Shinganshina himself.

Levi recalling Kenny's specific words "They were all slaves to something. Even him." is him realizing that Erwin is a slave to his dream. That he can't and won't be able to let it go. He recalls having to order Erwin to do so, to "give up on your dreams and die for us", and then Erwin thanking him for that. He realizes Erwin thanked him because Erwin knew he wouldn't have been able to make that right choice on his own. He realizes that if he hadn't made the choice for Erwin, Erwin wouldn't have been able to give up on his dream. Instead, he would have given in to the corrupting force of his dream, and chosen it over humanity. Just like he did the night before, when he refused to back down from his insistence that he accompany the mission. When he refused Levi's request for him to stay behind.

Levi realizes that Erwin has already been corrupted by his dream. And he realizes that once that dream is realized, Erwin will no longer have anything left to motivate him forward, nothing to be drunk on to keep him from the further degradation and corruption of his mind. He'll no longer be the great leader and visionary he'd once been. He'll be a husk of himself, ruined by the selfishness of his dream, and the guilt he carried as a consequence. Eaten alive by his own demons.

We see this in direct contrast to Armin's burned body, and Levi's memory of his hopeful and innocent eyes from the night before, talking about his own dream of seeing the ocean.

This contrast is majorly important in understanding why Levi ultimately chooses to give the serum to Armin and not Erwin.

Because unlike Erwin, Armin WAS able to give up on his dream and die for humanity. He didn't need anyone to make that choice for him. He made that choice by himself. He willingly sacrificed his life for humanity, and willingly accepted that he would never get to see the ocean, content with the hope that Eren would get to see it in his stead.

Levi realizes, in that moment, that unlike Erwin, Armin hasn't been corrupted by his dream. It wasn't the only thing driving him forward. He wasn't "drunk" on it. He could give up on it for the sake of everyone else. He could sacrifice it.

And that plays a major role in why Levi chose as he did.

It wasn't a case of him prioritizing Erwin over humanity. It was a case of understanding that Erwin's sacrifice, in the end, wasn't self-motivated, and that his dream still controlled him, and would continue to control him, and that truth wouldn't change when he finally realized his dream, but simply leave him bereft, with nothing to shield him from the crushing guilt which had begun to seep in with the realization of his own selfishness, his increasing willingness to prioritize his dream over humanity.

It was a case of Levi realizing that Armin's ability to give up on his dream was also a marker of that's dreams purity, and Armin's own innocence and lack of corruption as a person.

It was a case of Levi realizing that where it was already too late for Erwin to escape that fate Kenny had talked about, it wasn't so for Armin. He reiterates this later on, when he talks about choosing Armin because he "had the same look in his eyes as all of you", meaning his comrades at the beginning of all of it, before they'd been beaten down and ruined by the ugliness of war and dreams.

It was as much that lack of corruption in Armin that made Levi's choice for him, as it was the corruption which had taken root in and begun to eat away at Erwin.

In order for all of their sacrifices to have been worth it, as Levi later says, it would have to have been for an absurdly idealistic world. What that means is, it would have to be for a dream that was pure and without corruption. That's the only thing that would make all of their sacrifices worth it in the end.

And Armin's dream was pure and without corruption.

The very thing they were fighting for was the purity that Levi saw in Armin. Very literally and figuratively, Armin encapsulated the ideal the members of the Survey Corps had given up their lives for. That absurdly idealistic world. A world of freedom and free will and choice.

To choose Erwin would have been a betrayal of that ideal, because Erwin was a slave to his dream. He'd become the very thing the Survey Corps was fighting against. Enslavement.

Armin was a slave to nothing. To choose him was to prove the worth of every fallen soldiers sacrifice. To choose him was to realize the dream they'd all died for.

#Levi Ackerman #Erwin Smith #attack on titan #shingkei no kyojin #meta #commentary #analysis

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beatboxing-puppy · 14 days

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saw some posts on this website discussing what sort of videogames the dunmeshi characters would play and i think everyone is wrong. everyone is wrong except for me so im going to spell out exactly who plays what. putting it under a read more because im going on a damn tangent.

Laios: He's not a gamer he does not play games on purpose he will only ever play video games when his friends ask him to join them in their multiplayer things. One day tho Falin told him about Monster Hunter and now thats the only thing he plays aside from Spore and he has sunk countless hours into that damn game. Also he probably has played Some pokemon but he doesnt like PLAYING it he just likes it in concept he knows the name of all the pokemon

marcille: people keep saying she would be a cosy gamer playing animal crossing and stardew and other cute games ^-^ its so lalalaaaa NO!!!!!!! no she does not. Marcille plays games that stress her out on purpose marcille plays overwhelming micromanagey games like lobotomy corporation and rimworld and etc. She also likes games with deep lore and mysteries to discover. The only thing that doesn't fit in this category that she plays is Minecraft shes always in there CREATIVE MODE building virtual dungeons and other crazy shit. Also she plays on her work laptop with trackpad ok

Chilchuck: This one is for me. This one im just basing off my own dad ok. Chilchuck used to be a hardcore gamer in his youth but specifically he was playing stuff like world of warcraft and old school runescape he had really big setups so he could run several instances of the game at once on all his alt accounts so he could beat a boss by himself and he was really good at it. But then he had kids and didnt have time for this sort of thing so he stopped playing videogames aside from occasionally helping his daughters beat a super hard mario level. Later in life he probably discovered some shitty little low-commitment phone game like pokemon go or pikmin bloom or some daily sudoku puzzle thing and he plays it every day but its not that big a deal. He has been pressured by his friends and daughters to make a roblox account but he hasnt played it at all.

Senshi: THIS guy is the one that plays animal crossing. He logs in when he can but hes not on that every day grind. Also he doesnt play the newest one he doesnt play horizons he plays one of the DS ones. Wild world probably. He either doesn't like or doesn't know about the nintendo switch. Whenever one of his villagers say that they want to leave he'll nod solemnly and say smth like "Well... I suppose it'd be selfish to ask ye to stay, friend... Just promise me you'll stay safe and never forget me... Go and explore the world. Wish ye the best." Plus his island would be covered in weeds. He also has some mobile games he enjoys angry birds and candy crush and crosswords (gotta keep the brain in shape!) but other than that he doesn't videogame much because he prefers board games and tabletop stuff he isnt too jazzed about all this modern technology plus a console or a laptop and all that gaming equipment is a lot to lug around and hes a nomad he would NOT have that shit

Falin: Now FALIN is the cosy gamer. kind of. Falin plays animal crossing new horizons sometimes and has fun making a bad island on purpose. Very mildly "bad" tho the worst she'll do is use the drawing feature to hide a giant penis on the beach or whatever. Or she'll give her villagers silly outfits. She also plays minecraft (either skyblock or she makes a new world and explores and builds a couple houses and then forgets about it and makes another new world) and roblox (likes 'trolling' strangers by dressing up funny and acting kind of strange in roleplay servers but she's never actually mean or anything.) But the big thing she likes is story-driven indie rpgmaker games. She's the person who will say shit like "Yeah I played Blums Booglies the quest for Big Dinners and it was so good I cried for 9 hours" completely unironically.

kabru: social gamer like laios but the games he plays on purpose are the sims (he likes to cause them problems) and online multiplayer games (he likes to peoplewatch). I can also see him doing absurd and tortrous challenge runs of games like No items no pokecenter one type hardcore nuzlockes. im correct

izutsumi: ACTUALLY trolls people on roblox. And she plays needlessly gory flash games. Maybe she calls people dumbfucks over valorant voice chat sometimes

#dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #dunmesh #dunmeshi headcanons

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zimthandmade · 8 months

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Mello's opinion on V from V for Vendetta? He's alot like him ironically.

After reading your ask, I watched the movie for the first time and yeah, I get what you mean haha

Matt and Mello totally saw it in the cinema when it came out in 2006. I think Mello wants to be percieved as someone like V but doesn‘t really fit the role. He‘s probably also a big fan of the Assassin‘s Creed "working in the dark to serve the light“ philosophy. V for Vendetta probably had a big impact on his all-black-leather-aesthetic. I can totally see him unironically wearing hats for some time and carriying a shitton of knives and probably even getting a cape for dramatic effect. He wanted to be like V so bad haha! Incredibly cringey and melodramatic but he‘s 16, let him be cringe for a while :‘D

Besides, Mello and Matt both agree that if V was real, he‘d 100% be from Wammy‘s. Unknown identity and single letter as alias? Intelligent, well spoken, high morals, doesn‘t give a shit what the world thinks of him? Intricately planned terroristic attacks on governmental structures for the greater good? Dude, he‘s totally from Wammy‘s, like come on.

And sorry but I just HAD to sketch that :'D

----- My other socials Commission Info Let's have some Ko-Fi! 🍵

#death note #mello #mihael keehl #fanart #headcanon #au #v for vendetta #v #wammys boys #wammys house #wammy boys #wammy kids #wammy's house #cosplay #ask #dn au 2.0 #my art

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nabwastaken · 3 months

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Behold! The Joey Richter family tree!

it's still sorta a WIP currently because I'm trying to watch more Starcanwrecked stuff to see if I can potentially fit more.

And now.. some.. headcanons and backstory about the family!

McDoon, being the bandit king ( ✌️) had a LOT of bastard children on his travels with Cletus. He slept around and never really stuck around. Before the events of TTO he knocked up a Cratchit, who got pregnant and moved out of the country in shame. There, the Cratchit family was made and when Owen moved back to the US the family was moved there.

Robert Cratchit is short for Bob btw

I imagine Bob, out of desperation, in this timeline would resort to.. extreme measures trying to save Tim. And by extreme I mean summoning an eldritch god.

Suffice to say, it did not end well and now Tinky has a new family hyperfixation.

Owen found out about Tinky through spy shit, on a mission to a little town in Michigan. Tinky saw this British bastard and was like 'descendant of the Cratchits? GIMME' and started tormenting Owen. One of the ways he did this, was taking the form of Owen's boyfriend.

The reason Dan's last name is different from the rest of the Spankoffskis is that he changed it. 'Dan Spankoffski' does not have as nice of a ring to it and he's a public figure. Despite that, he's still relatively active in the family.

Dan is not short for anything. Not Jordan, not Daniel, no. Its just Dan. And he is Danough

Dan and Ted both looked extremely similar growing up and were constantly confused for each other. It didn't help when both of them happened to start growing a mustache at the same time.

OT and Pete have a pact not to ever do anything similar in terms of appearance. Pete grows his hair out? OT will always cut it. OT starts growing a mustache? Pete starts shaving. They really don't wanna end up like their brothers.

OT is older then Pete, being around Lex and Ethan's age.

SPEAKING OF ETHAN he unironically calls Pete, Dan, and Ted uncle. The only one he doesn't is OT, who he constantly bullies and targets for no reason.

Dan and Ted were surprisingly close in their childhoods, and had this sort of understandimg that the other was the only one who got how they felt.

As they grew apart however, Ted secretly started growing jealous of Dan. How come HE had this perfect life and great job and great 'girlfriend' but all Ted had was this shitty ass tech job and being the sidehoe to his coworker?

Dan has never noticed this jealousy and still remains nice as hell to Ted.

Dan and Ted both teamed up on bullying their younger siblings.

Dan and OT are surprisingly close. OT comes back from college (He goes to U of M) once a month or so and comes back to hang out with his big bro.

One of the reasons Dan took up the volunteer counseler job was to keep a closer eye on Pete and make sure he doesn't get bullied. So far, it has not worked out at all.

Pretty much no one knows Dan is part of the Spankoffski family, so Pete has to hear Ruth talk about how hot the news anchor is and Ethan has to listen to Lex rant about her mom's stupid obsession.

Dan and Ted are LITERAL bastards somehow being both teenage pregnancies and their parents had Pete and OT when they were more ready. Once again, blame Tinky.

SPEAKING OF TINKY he loves tormenting this family but can't keep track of them whatsoever. Sometimes he'll follow one of them home only to realise that it was the wrong one.

Sometimes he appears at family reunions and people just assume he's someone's kid.

One time Donna was literally walking down the street and did a double take seeing Ted just casually flirting with the Greenpeace Girl. 5 minutes later she saw Dan while doing the show and was so confused.

The family is stereotyped as this slutty family of hopeless romantics by the town, which is secretly another one of the reasons Dan changed his last name.

How true is this stereotype? Well, you got both Dan and Ted being teenage pregnancies. Both of them being born on Valentines Day. Ted notoriously sleeping with half the town. Dan being on the same show with a woman who he constantly makes googly eyes at and is possibly in love with (the entire damn town ships them together) Pete somehow surviving being horny at the damn ABSTINENCE CAMP of all places. Ethan literally doing anything for Lex. Suffice to say the entire town has their eyes on OT and what shenanigans he'll get up to.

Which is why I think it would be very funny if it turned out that OT was aroace and will never experience those feelings.

Whenever they get together they like teasing each other about their love lives.

Dan eventually becomes the central target in their teasing, with them BEGGING to know what's up with him and Donna.

The family used to get together every week to watch their favourite tv show, Doctor Who. Yes, I am aware of the irony of the Spankoffskis liking Doctor Who.

They feel an odd sense of... companionship with the homeless guy from downtown. They don't know why, they just DO.

And last but not least.... Every single one of them eventually gets stuck in the Bastard's box. Doesn't matter how or when, Tinky will get them.

And that's about it! What do you guys think?

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psiroller · 1 day

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in which chilchuck tries to get some but ends up a sucker to his caretaker instinct once again

i just wanted to write something where chilchuck unironically indulges laios' hyperfixation, lol. im folding this into something larger but it kind of stands on its own for now, so here.

“Hey,” Chilchuck slurred. An arm crawled around Laios’ shoulder, stirring him from his reading. “What are you doing up? It’s my shift.”

“Just research,” Laios replied cheerily. His eyes were drawn back to the book and away from Chilchuck, something that elicited a soft huff of irritation. “I’ll still be good to take over for you. I’m kind of wound up, you know? Couldn’t sleep.”

“Yeah,” Chilchuck snickered, his hand brushing across Laios’ chest with just a bit too much pressure to be purely friendly. “I’ve been wound up, too.”

Laios met Chilchuck’s lascivious gaze with concern. “Are you starving yourself again? You wouldn’t have such bad insomnia if you ate well.”

“I got wine, there’s nutrients in that,” Chilchuck giggled, giving Laios’ tit a fond pat. Laios smelled the drink on his breath and the hair on his neck stood on end.

“On an empty stomach? Chil…” “What you getting worked up for? I’m fine. I know what I’m doing.”

Laios’ brows furrowed. Chil stared up at him, waiting for him to back down, and the smug smirk only widened when he didn’t.

“You gonna force-feed me or something? I didn’t take you as into that kind of thing.” “Knowing how depraved you are, you’d enjoy it if I did.” Chilchuck scoffed. “Oh, yeah, you’re one to talk—”

Laios closed his book. “You’re being reckless,” he declared, in that know-it-all leader tone. Rarely used—Laios hated using it—but terse enough for Chilchuck to tilt his head and shut his mouth for a minute. Not long enough.

“Being a little tipsy doesn’t mean my eyes and ears don’t work,” Chilchuck groaned, pulling away and slumping onto the next step up from the one he was perched on. “It’s not my job to fight them anyway. All I gotta do is throw the bottle at your head and I’ve done my part.” “I’m not talking about the party, Chil.”

Chilchuck shrunk away from Laios and crossed his arms.

“When did you become such a nag?” Chilchuck groaned. “I’m older than you. I know my limits.”

Laios turned from his seat on the floor, rising on his knees, invading Chilchuck’s space. He braced his arms on either side of Chilchuck’s lap.

“Do I have to say why?” Laios rumbled. “If you don’t want me to care, stop making passes at me.”

Chilchuck clucked his tongue. “Didn’t have to hit on you to get you to take a few quills to the back for my bony ass.” “So much for never talking about that again.”

Chilchuck grinned. Laios’ eye twitched, knowing that Chil knew he’d taken the bait. Chilchuck reached up to cup Laios’ face; Laios let him, unfortunately.

“You can relax, big guy,” Chilchuck said, and the softness in his voice made Laios deflate all at once. “I got by just fine until you hired me. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I want to believe you,” Laios murmured. Chilchuck could feel the muscles of his jaw working as he spoke, the weight of his heavy tallman skull in his palms. “I do. But you don’t know—" “I’m fine,” Chilchuck asserted. “What’s got you so…?”

He stopped, bit his tongue. Laios looked up at him with those insufferable, upturned puppy dog eyes, deep amber in the low firelight, and he remembered. Chilchuck let out a long-suffering sigh, stroked up his cheek into Laios’ hair and scratched his scalp.

“We got this,” Chilchuck said. “It’ll be alright.” Laios slumped forward into Chilchuck’s lap, thick jaw slamming down onto his legs like a harpsichord lid, and Chilchuck squawked. Laios turned his face into the loose-fitting, threadbare slacks Chilchuck normally wore to bed, sucking in a long breath that made his back rise and then letting it all out through his nose. It reminded Chilchuck of Leed’s wargs after a good dinner, resting their big, wrinkly heads on any friendly knee and whining for attention.

Chilchuck scratched at his sideburns. He knew propositioning Laios would be risky in the dungeon, but this wasn’t the kind of disaster he’d envisioned if it went wrong. His hand came to rest on Laios’ back, and he rubbed it along the length of Laios’ spine. Laios’ broad body sunk that much further into his lap. Chilchuck’s calves were going numb, but he held deathly stll, as if he’d scare Laios off. As if he didn’t want to scare Laios off and get out of this mess.

“We’ll find Falin,” Chilchuck said. “We did it before, and we’ll do it again.” Neither of them believed it, really, but it was a nice thought. Maybe if they chanted it enough a spell would be cast. No mana sickness yet; they’d have to keep at it.

“I’m pretty confident about that,” said Laios, muffled in Chilchuck’s legs. His breath puffed warm on his thighs in short, controlled breaths. “But if we do and we don’t get her, if the Mad Mage takes care of us, then—it’s not just Falin, anymore.”

Chilchuck’s breath caught. His fingers curled in Laios’ shirt and tugged fitfully. Laios didn’t budge.

“She used to be all I had, you know.” Laios hugged Chilchuck’s pins-and-needles calves, which further trapped him but also returned some level of blood flow. Small blessings. Chilchuck wished he were dead. “That was fine. It was—better that way. Less to worry about. Then I found a nice girl, and I proposed—"

“Wait, what?”

“—she was so cute, so nice to me, but when my father said Falin would have to leave, I couldn’t just leave my little sister to rot somewhere, so—I broke it off. It didn’t matter, if I could earn enough money and Falin would be okay—”

Try faking a heart attack. You have the plausible deniability. “He… sent Falin away?” He was dimly aware of Marcille and Falin having met at magic school. “You were supporting her?”

“—but I didn’t even—need to. She was happy where she was. And I still—I still dragged her here, let her get eaten, let the Mad Mage take her. What kind of brother—”

Chilchuck gripped the back of Laios’ skull and pulled at his hair, not enough to move him, but enough to shut him up. He let go and ruffled it instead, soothing out the tension in his scalp. Laios melted, limbs melting to the stone tunnel floor.

“I see why you’ve been so wound up,” Chilchuck said. “You’ve just been sitting here and spiraling. Are you even reading that book?”

Laios squeezed Chilchuck’s legs to his chest. “Not really. I’m looking at the words but I’m not… retaining anything.”

That’s bad. “Let me see it.” Laios looked up at Chilchuck with confusion, then distrust. “Please?” That only confused Laios further, but he lifted the worn old tome from the floor for Chilchuck to take.

“Dragons of the Eastern Archipelago,” Chilchuck read out. “Another cookbook, eh?”

The jocular tone whiffed right past Laios’ ears. “It’s… not really research,” he admitted. Chilchuck thumbed through the pages—there were many detailed technical sketches of long-bodied, short-limbed dragons with horsehair and deer antlers, strange boggling eyes and stretched lips. More impressionistic doodles filled the margins, with scrawled-circle eyes and jagged teeth, little flared scratches of the broad side of a pencil representative of dragon fire. Their fat snake bodies had wobbly, uneven sides and sloppily looping scales—but some were a little more distinguishable as a dragon than others.

“Ah.” Chilchuck cleared his throat. “Nothing wrong with a little light reading, I guess.” He tried on a smile. “The, uh, pictures are nice.” “I kept telling Falin that long don’t breathe fire,” Laios said, voice tight, “but she kept saying it would be cooler if they did.” “That’s what they’re called? Longs? Seems kind of on-the-nose.”

That managed to get a laugh out of Laios, but it sounded more exasperated than anything. “It’s just one of the native words used for them, but it’s not Shuro’s language, apparently. The word he uses is ryu.”

“I haven’t seen anydragons other than red and green. Maybe it’s just the dungeons I’ve been to.” Chilchuck said. He winced, realizing he’d just stumbled over a lecture topic, but Laios stayed folded across his lap, seemingly having gotten comfortable there, and stayed quiet. The silence made Chilchuck’s hair bristle. Chilchuck nudged him, knuckles against Laios’ temple.

“C’mon, man, I set you up. Go on.” “Now you’re just making fun of me.” “Seriously, Laios. I really want to know this time, and you’re gonna sulk about it?”

Laios turned up from his lap to read Chilchuck’s face, though he never seemed to be able to get it right all the other times he’d attempted it. Chilchuck heaved a melodramatic sigh and patted Laios’ head, an action that lowered his hackles. It really shouldn’t have worked that easily, but Laios closed his eyes and hummed.

“There are… so many kinds,” Laios said dreamily. Dread began to creep in on Chilchuck’s charitable mood, but he’d talked himself into a corner. “They’re super adaptable. Pretty much anywhere you have a dungeon or an ecosystem robust enough to support one, you can find a dragon.”

“I’ve, uh, heard about white dragons. Furry ones, kind of like these guys, but with wings and the stocky body type. Never seen one, though, so it could have been bullshit.” “Oh, they’re real. Pretty common up north.” “Do they really breathe ice? How does that work?”

“Basically, yeah. It’s super-cooled air. They have huge lungs and a fuel organ like a red dragon, but instead of burning the waste matter inside, it liquefies it into a kind of slurry—” Chilchuck grimaced, but Laios was already talking with his hands and not measuring Chilchuck’s enthusiasm. “—that undergoes a rapid chemical reaction when exposed to the air the dragon exhales.”

“Huh.” Chilchuck absently stroked the back of Laios’ neck. Laios squirmed, but didn’t complain. He slipped out of his kneeling position to sit flatter against the wall, head still flopped over Chilchuck’s lap but looking outward toward the fire. The angle looked uncomfortable, so Chilchuck dropped a step lower, letting Laios slide over just a bit more, lay more solidly in Chilchuck’s lap. Laios’ ears had turned red. “Y’know, I always just figured magic did it. I never knew any of the biology until I met you.”

“You wouldn’t be wrong for thinking that way,” Laios half-shrugged. “They wouldn’t exist without some kind of mana source, so they’re still a product of magic. But to sustain the kind of huge, complex bodies dragons have on mana alone would starve the ecosystem, so they have to develop organs and bones to keep them upright and moving to serve their purpose.”

“To destroy whatever enters their lair?”

“To survive.”

“Same as the rest of us, then.”

Laios hummed. Chilchuck’s wrists had begun to hurt from holding the book, so he propped it up on the crown of Laios’ skull. He didn’t seem to mind.

“So what’s this big pearl they keep drawing the long dragon with?” Chilchuck asked, even though the answer was right beneath it, indicated helpfully in a list of figures.

“Oh, that’s an egg, believe it or not.”

“No kidding.”

“Dragon clutches start out pretty big, but because of how demanding the hatchlings are, most of them don’t survive to adulthood. Some species of dragon choose a ‘favorite’ out of their eggs to focus on and raise instead…”

Chilchuck smiled into the palm of his hand as Laios rambled, flipping through the book to keep his eyes open as Laios talked, listening as the spaces between words grew and his tangents unspooled, dissolving into dreamlike nonsense. The weight of Laios’ head got heavier in Chilchuck’s lap until the static crept back in, but Chilchuck had no intention of moving him anymore. It was well past the scheduled watch shift change by the time Laios began to softly snore, but Chilchuck didn’t rouse him.

#chilaios #dungeon meshi #ficroller #if you recognize the dragon egg factoid i know what you are

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pansy-picnics · 26 days

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I love love LOVE that your Rapunzel has tattoos!!! They are so artistic!!! and so HER! What kind of tattoos do Eugene and Cass have? I think I saw some flowers and maybe a moon and sun but is that all?

!!! THANK YOUUUUU OMFGGGG YOU GET IT!!!! :33333 if anyone gives rapunzel access to tattoos and/or hair dye she will actually lose her goddamn MIND. I like to think lady caine hooked her up with her tattoo artist in like. the middle of a battle. i feel like that’s a very tts type gag.

AS FOR CASS AND EUGENE’S TATTOOS IVE HONESTLY BEEN HOPING FOR A CHANCE TO TALK ABT THESE FOR A WHILE….please excuse my HORRIBLE rendition of them i scribbled this in like 30 minutes. one day i’ll draw proper refs for cass and eugene but today is Not that day

first of all THEY HAVE MATCHING DESIGNS!!!! rapunzel drew out all of their tattoos and she made these two specifically to represent them as a trio….the birds being. self explanatory of course and the sun, moon, and earth representing rapunzel cass and eugene respectively….:3 this also was meant to kinda match the twins mobile i designed for my fic. These ones in particular are SOOO important to me

i’ve never shown cass’ properly since they’re on her back but one of eugene’s is visible here….along with the sun and moon you mentioned, the sun crest and the brotherhood symbol…..:3

AND CASS’ FLOWERS ARE MY FAVORITE ONE UNIRONICALLY BC IT HAS. Quite a bit more background to it. there’s also a sword wrapped in the vines thats BARELY visible in either of the pieces it’s shown in so i made it more clear in my doodle.

this one kinda has two different meanings…..you’ll have to excuse the fact that it’s COMPLETELY inaccurate bc i designed it from memory and i’ll finalize it eventually but this is meant to vaguely represent the fictional “minne” flowers mentioned in “rapunzel: day one”- which. Idk how well known this is but the meaning of minne historically is i shit you not, “chivalrous love”, or “a kind of romantic love between a knight and a noblewoman” and there is NOOOO FUCKING WAY THAT WAS A COINCIDENCE THEY KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING

THE SECOND ONE is just something i made up but the real world flowers that i’ve always associated with minne bc of their similarities are forget me nots…. which. the symbolism and name of i think are VERY fitting with cass’ character. she just really wants to be important and like. Remembered fondly by people methinks. like she’s afraid of one day disappearing and (in her eyes) there being no point or reason for her existence in the first place.

these are the only ones i have set in stone for NOW but most of my tattoo hcs for rapunzel came from just. Drawing her a bunch and adding new ones every time so i think they’ll probably acquire some new ones as time goes on, especially since i still need to actually finalize the ones they do have……but Yeah idk. i’m insane.

#tangled the series #rapunzels tangled adventure #tangled ask #princess rapunzel #tangled cassandra #eugene fitzherbert #cassunzel #new dream #uknighted dream #ask #pansy rambling again

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kineticallyanywhere · 4 months

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Matt "I can and will remind everyone that Link is REALLY wierd about Normal with like no real explination at this point" Arnold out here like "let me see if I can underminine my entire point in this character arc defining interaction" and I unironically love him for it Link is SUCH a messy b word rn

(this turned into a long response, let's talk Fascinating Character Flaws!)

I dont think it's so much that he's weird about Normal, if I'm understanding what you mean by 'weird', especially in this episode. I feel like it circles back to what I keep thinking about, which is his newest teen fact. the one where he-- does this count as poisoning? he made other children ill in a fit of jealousy for anyone having any time with his dads.

listen, I've had many homeschooled friends. At one point in college I was the "actually went to public school" member of the friend group. People can go in and out of homeschooling and be... not whatever the heck Link has going on. I was excited for him when that fact started, like, "oh he was part of a cohort!" until uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!

(the following are thoughts that I'm still developing in my head as I type and probably after I post)

whether it's due to the overprotective parenting or just Link's nature or a Symptom of a Condition (op has their own Condition but is not a psychologist) Link's got an issue with like. not getting what he wants? not usually in super obvious ways, it's not spelled out, he doesn't throw tantrums or anything. unless you count the thing at Normal about Normal not wanting to do "cool plans." and most of the time he doesn't want anything complicated, his wants have been pretty straight forward and in line with what anyone would want in these circumstances. he wants people to not die is the big major one, he wants to not feel betrayed again, he wants his friends to stop fighting, he wants to get this over with NOW. and he's been going through so much of not getting what he wants (COMPLETELY REASONABLE THINGS TO WANT, IN THIS CASE. TRAUMATIC THINGS TO NOT GET) that he seems to not know what he wants at all anymore.

like, his understanding of the world has been rocked so bad that he's pretty sure all those things I just listed just aren't things he can have. in the past whenever he needled his parents or acted out or did certain things he'd get what he wanted. not to say that he's spoiled but uh... okay yeah I am saying that a bit. but mostly in the ways that it keeps him from developing the coping mechanisms for when you ask something from life and it punches you in the teeth instead.

So in a world where he doesn't know how to get what he wants and maybe he isn't sure what he even can want, he's kinda just shutting down internally. In the mean time, he may as well make sure his friends get what they want, and then maybe at some point he'll want something again. so, in a way, what he wants is to feel and want something, so that "wants what he wants" part of him snapped out again at Normal with "well at least you're feeling something." in other words, "you have the thing that I want right now, and I'm gonna sound pretty bitter about not having it myself" which is an effed up thing to say when that thing he's having is a mental breakdown.

Link. Buddy. Bud. Kiddo. Pal. you need Help.

tl;dr and conclusion: imo for their mental health the party should split into Link & Taylor and Scary & Normal again for an episode or two. Norm and Scary for hopefully obvious reasons; and Link and Taylor because while Taylor is unquestionably a rich kid spoiled for material goods who is very good at wanting things, he is also a kid who's mom knows how to say "No. Absolutely Not. Give me the knife right now I don't care what seppuku is" and who's dad left an emotional void for over a decade that he is clearly adept in coping with and he could give Link some pointers.

also because it would be a cool callback and parallel to early episodes to do those pairs again. see how they've changed and stuff

#didn't mean for this to get so long #or to read taylor for filth at the end there lol sorry taylor youre perfect #literally was self analyzing what my pet peeve is with each pc earlier #(which isn't a bad thing; thats a rounded character right there)#and i got to taylor and went 'hes perfect no notes' lol #cast darkness again kiddo i believe in you #anyway this helped me figure out my understanding of link so thank you anon!#though im still not sure i properly understand what you meant by link being weird around normal #hes been weird around everyone; i think; normal just talks the most #dndads #dndads 2 #dndads spoilers #link liwilson #ask ka #me talking

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hopemariposa · 13 days

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My Random Ducktales Headcanons!!!

this is another post where… no one asked for this. but my past Ducktales post did good so I give the people what they want

(I crave the validation of others)

I also sprinkled in goofy screenshots for a little bit of extra seasoning

Dewey like… ate rocks as a kid. just for fun

Huey told Dewey that Dodos ate rocks and Dewey internalized this, thus, Huey is responsible for Dewey eating rocks

Donald had a panic attack when he saw his nephew (that he is a legal guardian for) wolf down like… three rocks at one time for the plot

Louie had a collection of various historical coins (they’re his special interest)

Donald regularly has nightmares about being attacked and killed by a bear (same bro)

Dewey taught Webby the words “rizz” “gyat” and “skibidi toilet” and it became everyone’s problem

this lead to Scrooge exclaiming that “he does not have any rizz” (this is a lie, he is rizz lord incarnate)

Mrs. Beakley is a Pintrest Board Mom™️

she also can’t cook. she just has an assortment of Pinterest recipes that everyone despises but eats so she doesn’t feel bad

Storkules has beaten up Andrew Tate. Mixed martial arts? more like mixed Greek salad served by a hunky demigod.

Storkules is also a feminist. that’s not a headcanon, tho, that’s a fact.

so is Launchpad. fight me on this.

Launchpad and Storkules are also besties. they’re both himbos with too much game.

Launchpad has illegally smuggled contraband into the country before. whether it was sniffle snacks or an exotic animal we’ll never know, but smuggling is on his transcript.

LP unironically uses the pet name “pookie”. he don’t know what it means but he heard Dewey said and Dewey’s his best friend so that makes it cool

he also has a five step hair care routine

Scrooge regularly pays off several press stations to write wack stories about him because they make him chortle.

Scrooge also uses the term “square”… in daily conversation

one time he called Mágica a “square” and it personally offended her for life, ripped open several wounds, and destroyed her emotional well-being for the rest of her days

Mrs. Beakley’s guilty pleasure is watching trash tv. Real Houseives? yes. Dance Moms? she quotes verbatim. The Bachelor? it’s her personality.

Mrs. Beakley watching these tv shows also got Della invested. now they throw a hissy fit if the other watches ahead of them

Webby cries over Bluey episodes on the daily.

Webby also related immensely to Bingo Heeler— it has awoken feelings in her she preferred to keep hidden

this is less of a headcanon, more of a fact, but Huey, Dewey and Webby (and more Im not thinking about) are so Neurodivergent it’s not even debatable

Della is a gym rat. she just is.

thats all thanks

#duck tales #ducktales #donald duck #duckverse #disney ducks #della duck #dewey duck #huey dewey and louie #dt17 #huey duck #louie duck #scrooge mcduck #uncle scrooge #launchpad mcquack #ducktales headcanons

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daytaker · 2 months

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Satan Headcanons

cw: some self-harming tendencies

Some of these are actually anti-canons. I don't know if that's a phrase I've heard before or one that I just invented but I'm going to call things that explicitly oppose the canon because I think they make more sense or fit better "anti-canons".

General Headcanons

Satan doesn't try new things if he doesn't think he'll be good at them from the very beginning. He hates appearing weak or ridiculous, so he tends to absorb as much information about something as he can before ever attempting it, and even then he only acts if having that information is practically useful. As a consequence, he has never played a Sport.

Satan is Lucifer's favorite brother.

He would unironically like Linkin Park.

He can't stop thinking about cats. He can't stop talking about cats. He needs cat rehab. He can't even stop going on about cats long enough to sing us a serious and emotional love song without mentioning cats. Cats are a problem.

He and Levi share cursed memes.

Satan writes poetry sometimes.

Asmo treats him as both a big brother and a little brother.

He can play the piano because Lucifer can play the piano, but he won't do it.

Baby Satan (By Which I Mean Newly Made Satan)

When Satan is very "new", his connection to Lucifer is stronger to the extent that he can more or less gauge what Lucifer is thinking at any given time. He just instinctively knows. This wears off as time goes on and he develops a more distinct sense of self, and there's more time separating him and his creation, but at first, he can track Lucifer's thoughts so well that Lucifer is extremely uncomfortable with it. He'll be sitting there at dinner while everyone else is talking about screaming tomatoes and how terrifying Devildom produce is in general, and Lucifer is trying to figure out what to do about Diavolo and his weird enthusiasm for that demon that just woke up in the middle of the new school, wondering why they're suddenly a founding member of RAD, and Satan turns to him and says, "Lord Diavolo seems to like collecting strange demons with questionable loyalties and making them into his personal entourage. Also, fuck you."

Sensory

He has a lot of sensory difficulties, and the next few headcanons below are offshoots of this one. But basically... have you ever been in a blind rage and felt something touch you gently? Maybe this is just me, but that somehow makes everything worse. Basically, I'm picturing boy fresh from the metaphorical womb, an uncontrollable ball of fury, and SOFT stuff GENTLY touches him? On his BODY? What the ACTUAL FUCK?

His antidote to this discomfort is to have something rough and painful touch the spot that was affected, and this leads to a lot of scabs and sores. They're worst on his back and shoulders. This was a source of stress and conflict for him and Lucifer early on.

He hates clothes. Especially loose-fitting clothes, because of how they sit on his body. He refused to wear clothes at all for the first couple weeks he existed. He'd just roll around and tear them up with his tail. He often finds clothes uncomfortable enough to be considered painful, though that's not exactly what's happening.

He hates to get wet. I know, I know. Very "cat". Pretty basic. But being wet is uncomfortable. And kind of humiliating. And if you so much as smile at him when he's wet, he will interpret that as mockery and absolutely go the fuck off.

So baths and showers are tricky. Why the actual fuck would he subject himself to something like that? Just so other people don't have to smell him? Do they have any idea how little he cares about their disgust? He's born of wrath and shame* and hate! He eats disgust for breakfast.

*As the Avatar of Pride, Lucifer can no longer experience Pride's antithesis (shame) so when Satan was made, he ended up taking his shame as a little present. That's one reason why he hates Lucifer: he knows why Lucifer hates himself, even though Lucifer doesn't anymore.

#satan #lucifer #obey me #text post #hcs #dthc #satan thoughts #lucifer thoughts #obey me satan #obey me lucifer #satan obey me #obey me hcs #obey me swd

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sharonisthebettercarter · 7 days

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billy butcher and addiction--

felt there's a need for a good and proper analysis for this fucker (as well as i can manage, maybe throw in a bit of a rant on poor fandom etiquette, 'three laws of fandom' are an oldie but a goodie lol) so here we go i guess--

i wanna start by saying this is a full scope character deep dive (sortaish?? best i can do take it or leave it--lol i might go further in depth on specific scenes or whatnot later, i'm longwinded but i'm tryin' to condense as best i can for this, aaaaaaaaaaand long long post ahead--) that def includes elements solidly confirmed in dear becky and probably leans more on comics billy overall, but def does intertwine and interlock with show billy (as they are essentially the same, garth ennis' own words went something like 'he's a perfect billy butcher' lol)

i'll try to avoid spoilers (??) for the most part like dear becky, but there are some things that may need more context (there is quite a bit of in the show that works well enough to represent anyway but i guess we'll see how this goes, i may end up talking more about the show elements and how they parallel with comics billy anyway)

i also think it's worth mentioning that there's a lot to billy (especially in the comic) i feel fandom either ignores, dismisses or doesn't want to acknowledge, or just doesn't notice.

whether from personal bias/prejudice, desire (fitting billy into that 'alpha's alpha' toxic masculinity 'dom top' fever dream 'mold' so to speak, probably--no, definitely the *worst* way to interpret and easiest way bungle up his character, it completely misses the fact that billy has built *that* 'daddy approved' version of himself as a *facade* to *hide* his own shame and insecurity, and he is *so* much more complex than that nonsense (and genuinely uncomfortable and unhappy being that way-beyond the subtle guilt of a constant high). can we talk about the ways in which fandoms promote and perpetuate toxic masculinity--what, no time we'll be here all week?? oh, okay. jesus fucking christ that is exactly as bad if not worse than the maga chud interpretation and unironic worship of homelander--), lack of personal experience/familiarity, understanding--fuck it, even lack of education in media analysis or reading comprehension (if not both), and *especially* being pro-censorship/americentric/*stuck* with purity culture blinders (or even some part of them lingering)

all of those can def make media (and characters like billy) that isn't 'cookie cutter america-approved' fairly difficult to understand or accept (i guess??)

i've seen so much listed to hell and back in attempts to describe comics billy. 'he's a piece of shit' *YES*. 'he's just wish fulfillment for the author's hatred of superheroes' *no*??? let me not get into the complete hypocrisy of someone who writes or enjoys fanfic--the epitome of *wish fulfilment*--unironically complaining about other authors doing this and thinking it's a legit complaint. how does *anyone* read the entire story and come to *that* conclusion???

did you even bother reading the comic? no, i don't mean glossing over it with a completely closed mind while actively ignoring and dismissing everything important put in front of you and designed to make you think because the blood and guts or other is too distracting apparently, i mean *actually* reading it thoroughly and making an effort to think about what's being presented and why, waiting for the drop *instead* of jumping to judge (as is the american way)

and to some degree, i get it. i wouldn't say this comic is the easiest to digest (especially if completely unfamiliar with many of the themes presented, even the show has sparked some ass takes and interpretations) there's also plenty of common misconceptions, one in particular about garth ennis 'hating' superheroes. this is actually not true, what he hates is how the superhero *genre* has bottlenecked the comics industry and what is more likely to see success in it (and as a fellow creative, i completely understand how frustrating that would be, his main interest is actually war stories)

it's def one thing to say, 'nah, i don't vibe with the style' or 'it's not really for me/my taste but it's fine if others like it', i get that, satire and horror aren't for everyone. honest critique is fair even.

but it is a whole 'nother thing entirely to pretend your own personal tastes are *the only 'correct' creative law* and then *vehemently* oppose or hate something an artist created and denounce, harass, or fuck--dehumanize the people who enjoy it, if not the artists who work(ed) on it.

i'm sorry, this is a tangent cause it's def not limited to the hate the boys comics or ennis gets *at all*, it's especially prevalent in *literal* kids media like teen titans go where the thing in question is simply put--*NOT MADE FOR THE SHITHEADS NONSTOP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT* when they can literally, *LITERALLY* just *accept* that they weren't the *target audience* and move the fuck on with their day, happy as can be. *instead* of shitting on something *or the people who like it* to make literal *children* or other people feel bad about liking it.

it's one thing to try and educate people or have discourse and discussion, it is another entirely to *bully* them over something so *stupid* as *fiction*.

i especially have a problem with this shit when i have *several* artists tell me that they don't feel *safe* or *welcome* being themselves, liking or creating what *they* want to make in a fandom *because* of the fandom attitude and normalization of *hate* within that fandom.

i *thought* fandoms were supposed to be about *love* so what the fuck is this human tribalist false dichotomy bullshit??

and of course, that's not always the case. there is also an unbelievable level of respect that is given to fanartists and fanfiction writers, and that is *beautiful*. 'don't like, don't read'. *PERFECT*. curate your own content, complain or rant in your own spaces--you're entitled to an opinion, but *accept* that it still has a right to exist and other people still have a right to love it (and aren't wrong for that, opinions cannot be objective), *even if you don't like it*. just don't engage then, it's that simple.

now extend that level of courtesy to the people, artists and writers in the industry.

no, i'm not trying to shut down criticism of media, proper critique is how we learn and grow and understand better and in turn *create* better. yes, they can fumble the fucking bag too, especially when adapting something from a source material and--like *some* fanfic writers out there--think they can do it 'way better'.

but the people in the industry? who bend over backwards, going on strike in some cases, breaking their necks to work on and create the things that we *love* and latch onto?

they're people too. and whether the thing they make goes *exactly* how we want or not, however you feel about the money in the entertainment industry (which they see barely a dime of if those fucking strikes and constant mistreatment are any indication), they don't deserve to be treated like scabs.

that mentality of 'not my personal taste = universally bad' and 'anyone who disagrees with my opinion is wrong' is fucking gross and *extremely elitist*, just straight up announcing how pretentious, obtuse, willfully arrogant and ignorant, and *lacking in self awareness*--the number one easiest way to be the *shittiest* kind of artist/writer/critic--you are. it is *exactly* like cishet white men complaining about something being 'bad' because it's 'woke' or has anything *besides* a cishet white man for the protagonist.

*god forbid something isn't tailor made specifically for them.*

swear to gawd, i got a list of different bullshit and circle jerking i've seen all across different fandoms for different reasons. no i'm not mad at any one person in particular, just a little salty from recurring problems and gatekeeping (ghoulfucking-GHOULFUCKING OF ALL THINGS I--I CANNOT) if not straight up bullying (does it really make a bitch feel *so* much better to try and hurt other people for liking what they, and let's be honest, are not willing to give the time of day?) in fandoms. (the complete audacity of people to complain about a media being 'childish' or 'bad' because 'insert nonsensical trivial bullshit here that holds no weight because it's personal taste if not flat out wrong and not actual critique' and then turn around and throw the biggest fucking tantrums about it--let me not get into the whole sharon carter debacle jesus christ--)

same shit. different pile.

also, fuck me. i keep *forgetting* that genuinely valid critique (*not* personal taste/opinion, proper critique pertains to things like techniques used, composition, narrative consistency and plot holes, goals of the artist/writer, accomplishments of those goals, etc.) is something that needs proper education and understanding all on its own which not a whole ton of people get or even know, which just goes to show--i'm a dumbass too. (but i won't deny that plenty of 'critics' are full of shit and *know* this but use their 'personal taste' as 'critique' *anyway* because... they enjoy being complete assholes and discouraging other artists i guess.)

y'all, take a class or two in art critique and literature analysis. you'll learn all the cool lingo (to later forget if you're like me~), and maybe (hopefully) walk out with a bit more of an open mind wanting to encourage more art in the world, even if you don't personally like it. take a moment to *listen* to differing opinions in their *entirety* and you might even gain a new perspective.

*no one* should be ashamed to ask questions or admit they don't know or understand something and fuck the people that would make you feel that way. *we can and should help each other.*

but stagnant or hostile fandoms with no self awareness and perpetuated elitism circle jerks? *really* fucking shameful, regardless of the form or where they are.

ANYWHO--

ugh, fuck. okay. i think i'm done with that tangent, back on topic--

BILLY BEAN~<3

and i want to reiterate that *again*, dear becky *does* confirm pretty much everything i'm going to discuss here tho technically speaking, nothing is spoiled here as it's just reiterating what is implicit (if not stated outright) throughout the series.

as far as dear becky goes, it's a good final gut-wrenching piece to the series and i loved it, but it definitely leaned on more of 'tell' instead of 'show, don't tell' (no duh in context, but probably because the rest of the comic did the 'show'--very well imo but it still flew over peoples' heads and made them misplace their brains--i'm sorry, i've just lost so much patience for the lack of reading comprehension and media literacy, but honestly? ennis is genuinely too good at knowing how to spark a strong emotional reaction in readers. and can we talk about the dense mofos that *make* authors have to 'tell' just to confirm something that is heavily implied--what, no time? oh, fuck, fine.)

OKAY--

addiction.

what about it, and why am i mentioning it. well. because if it's not clear by now, william butcher is an addict.

and it is one of, if not the core element that drives him to do what he does.

not becky or becca. not justice.

addiction.

and i don't mean traditional substance abuse (though he admits there has been as much in his life, especially with alcohol, his drug of choice is a bit more complex and maybe not so easy to spot on the surface for those unfamiliar with addiction).

in the show, we even see him mention that he's 'done 'em all' and there's *nothing* like temp v--and it's because temp v *amplifies* his *addiction* to the highest level it could exist on.

something else to note, there's a ton of stigma and widespread (ableist) misconception surrounding addiction still (which may be part of why people may not want to recognize it in billy), but it is absolutely a clinical mental disorder and people who suffer from it should be treated as *medical patients*, not reduced to violent criminals and scumbags. (fuck you drug war and prohibition, you are the root of organized crime and you're racist as shit.) it's also possible to become addicted to *anything*. and i mean *anything*.

if you can repeat a behavior and your brain no longer cares whether or not that behavior is causing you harm because there is a *compulsive* urge for that *repetition* or a specific result from it? that is addiction. money, anger, pain, violence, self harm, attention, love...

you'd think the last one might be okay, but it's not. it's an easy way to get caught in the infinite loop of an abusive relationship, just with promise of it. no delivery necessary.

but it doesn't have to be drugs that cause addiction. hell, gambling addiction is a thing all it's own that can get *incredibly* severe.

and listen, too much of *anything* can be horrible for you. fucking coconut will give you the runs if you eat too much that shit is *not* fun pun intended--

i digress.

in billy's case? he's actually addicted to two i just listed.

violence. and self harm.

i mentioned before that what drives billy has next to nothing to do with what happened to becky or becca.

there's a common misconception that, at the end of the day, billy does have some level of good intent behind his actions, and to a degree this is true in the *complete reverse* of what people often assume, and this is proven repeatedly in both the show (with just what we have seen) and comic (where its laid out too heavily to ignore).

setting aside the fact that there's *never* a good 'rEaSoN' to commit or even attempt *genocide* (EVER. i have ZERO patience for the constant apologism of this bullshit, SWEAR TO GAWD FANDUMB--) and billy's genocidal tendencies on their own, the idea that 'he goes after homelander for becca' or 'justice' has been completely debunked.

'justice is not vengeance'

something to always keep in mind.

but... in the first season? hughie called him out on this.

butcher calls him a 'disgrace to robin's memory', and hughie--bless his little heart, responds with 'i think i'm doing this *for* her.'

it's an interesting response, because hughie is essentially saying--

'you'll *die* for this woman, but that's not what she would have wanted. i'm going to *live* for robin, and for *annie*, because *that's* what she would have wanted.'

and he's absolutely right. billy loved becca, would have died for her. but he refuses to listen and *live* for her.

the group therapist too even before hughie. she literally laid it all out, front and center in the clearest way possible, 'it's a defense mechanism', and then butcher had his little meltdown just before telling hughie about becca, everything he can, including *using* other peoples tragedies and his own *specifically* to manipulate hughie and try and make sure *starlight* can't *save* him from what butcher is trying to turn him into.

*so that hughie stays stuck on his reason to die, instead of finding one to live.*

in the second season, *becca* herself calls him out on this, multiple times.

'you put me on this pedestal but i never knew how to save you'.

'--i didn't come to you, i went to vought--.'

and that's just it, becca (and becky in the comic) is *intimately* familiar with billy's *addiction* and the underlying mental health issues he *wouldn't address*. she didn't tell him what happened even after the shock of it because she *knew* that it would just become a reason for billy to *give in* and be his worst self to a degree where she would *lose him* regardless of what she felt or asked for from him.

she felt she had to *suffer in silence* to *protect him* from *himself*, something that ends up *destroying* her.

becca wanted to *save* billy, but more importantly, she wanted *him* to *save himself* because she *believed in him*, *so much*.

'i never wanted that for you.'

she doesn't want billy to drown and suffer or cause harm in his own hatred and addictions. she *loved* him so much so, that she was willing to *drown herself* if it meant she could save *him*. she loved him *too much*.

billy's mum too, even tries to help in her own way. (she is much less aware of billy's activity in the comic, but we'll come back to her. for the show, this was likely in response to seeing the news about *stillwell*, something his dad fucking *praised* him for)

'--that he wouldn't have this hold on you--'

billy's actions are almost entirely driven by the *addiction* his father forced on him. on doing the things that would make his 'daddy' *proud*. and the thing is, he's *fully aware* of this.

he constantly *says* that *becca* is his 'reason', that she was his *cure*, but she's the *excuse*. his *new addiction* and *self medication* (also billy, you fucking cunt you *know* what you do and have no leg to stand on when it comes to self medicating--)

both in the worst of what he does and his rejection of addressing his own traumas, and she is *unwilling* in this endeavor. she never wanted this hate to consume him, she never wanted all of this death with her name as the signature, *she never wanted billy to be his father*, much less be something much worse.

he even admits as much in the third season when he hallucinates lenny who tells him his actions would 'break becca's heart'

billy responds something along the lines of 'becca's dead, it doesn't matter what she thinks'. (a line presented in the comic even more harshly, but it drives the point home perfectly.)

when he sees lenny again in his nightmare--

'i'm not that bastard--.'

'come off it billy, you always have been. cause anyone who's ever loved you, you end up gettin' 'em killed, don't ya--.'

'--the last person on god's green earth tryin' to stop you from bein' a monster, and what do you do? drag him down to your level... when he dies... and he will... then no can stop you.'

OOF OUCH OWIE--. the lenny stuff hits so damn hard but it represents *perfectly* what butcher's own *internalized beliefs* are.

mallory calls him out on it literally every season.

'--but billy! not the others!'

'it's like asking a cockroach to not be a cockroach--'

'--because it wouldn't stop with just homelander--'

'this was never about ryan or becca, it was always selfish. the hate inside that you want to let loose on the world.'

'--i was wrong... you are your father, always have been...'

and then there's billy's subsequent impulsive reaction to push ryan away, and *be his father*.

but hell, even in gen v when mallory is speaking to shetty.

and truthfully, billy was even showing *withdrawal* symptoms at the beginning of the third season.

billy himself, even *self punishes*, picking fights he knows he *won't* win as a way to counterbalance *and* satisfy his own addiction, infinite loop. vicious cycle.. (ooh i will def be coming back to the big one here--), and we see this in one *HUGE* way, and in many many smaller ways, but even in the more literal sense of going to bars, starting trouble, and laughing or smiling when he's getting beat the fuck up or *losing*.

it's even highlighted in the show, billy *seeking out violence* and conflict whether he should or not, *especially* when unnecessary. getting his own face busted up and smiling because of it is something that happens multiple times in the comic (even on accident in one instance), and is def given a place in the show. it's easy to pass off as billy simply being a masochist (which is def true lmao he does admit as much), but there's also more to it than that and it goes hand in hand with his *addiction* and--

what he thinks he deserves.

billy *hates himself* so *severely* that he actually *does not believe* that he is capable of the *good* that others, such as lenny, becca, his mum, and hughie are willing to *see* in him. he *completely* believes it when others say that 'he is his father' (internalizes it, struggles with it, and frequently acts on it).

he puts on a show. bravado, posture, and 'confidence'. and he's so good at putting on that front, that he can fool himself, even for a moment. and those that believe it will even *enable* him. and the people he feels *nothing* for? again, he maintains the front. he lives his life *masking*, *faking it*--so fucking hard. homelander could never--

and it's not even necessarily the result of toxic masculinity. don't get me wrong, he def has some issues with that lingering (y'all, if you have *say* you're an 'alpha' and posture out your sweet little ass off 24/7, you're def *not* an 'alpha' lmfao), but it's more so his own *trauma* that forces him to *cling* to that.

but when he *loves*, and he loves *deeply*, he completely rolls over and shows his belly like a kitten<3... when he was with becky, he was happy and comfortable, and all of that *ridiculousness* just melted away completely... he didn't feel any need for it because he felt *safe*, because this constant *insecurity* and feeling of being *threatened* all the damn time looming overhead had suddenly cleared up with becky there.

it's not even so much that billy doesn't feel fear. he might not traditionally (at all if his amygdala is damaged), but considering the fight or flight response, billy's *default* setting literally *is* that *fight* response. he's the way he is because he is *always* afraid and he's been conditioned for it to manifest itself as *rage*.

we see bits of his love come through in a few moments he has with people he has genuine care for. (the way he loves his mum and she instantly calms him down is genuinely so sweet.)

but it's always gonna come back down to 'daddy dearest'.

because of him, *billy is afraid of living*.

and--

his father. *is proud of him*.

billy is *just like him* or *everything he wanted to be* as a *man*, or at least is compelled to *project* this on the surface. and everything in *billy* that *is* his father, *just like him*, is *everything* that billy *hates*. so it manifests into an *intense* self loathing and spiraled addiction that magnifies the worst of what his father *forced* on him.

he *doesn't want* to be *his father*, but he feels, and fully believes that *he already is*. his self hatred is another form of *hating his father*, because *he is that man's legacy*.

so *billy* doesn't *believe* that he deserves love or goodness or care from other people (a parallel we see in homelander, presented a bit differently.) so he 'doesn't care'. makes excuses to not care (about people in general, if not just the very *prominent* antisocial tendencies), or leave, or push them away, lashing out to give *them* the excuse to leave him, because he is *afraid* and in his own mind, *unworthy*.

he's *afraid* of being loved, of *losing* that love, of *hurting* those he loves. he is *afraid* of being his own father.

but it's all he's ever known, all he's ever been *conditioned* to be. intoxicated, ever present, it's this terrible thing that destroys him but he *can't* stop. *addiction*.

and what better way to protect those he loves than to keep himself as *far* away from them as possible? than to *make* them hate him. than to do the *wrong* thing, to *disappoint* them. self sabotage. self punishment.

he can't stop himself. he deserves it.

lather, rinse, repeat.

so what does that mean for homelander, or even the reason he goes after homelander? the *real* reason.

'there must be *some* good in him because homelander 'must be' this 'ultimate evil that *must* be stopped', right?

not really. he's a symptom of a much greater evil, but he was never the root of it. if billy really wanted to solve the problems at hand and get *justice*, he'd go after *vought*, NOT homelander.

homelander is not even the real villain in *billy's* mind, in all actuality.

what homelander *is*?

temptation.

he is... the *ultimate* final high for billy. in terms of addiction to both *violence* and *self punishment*.

he doesn't actually go after homelander because he wants to 'stop him' or even kill him. not really. there are times billy starts a fight *expecting* to *lose*, *wanting* it. homelander *is* one of those times to the most intense degree that billy could find. and he even senses this when they first meet--unnecessarily, privately insulting the man because why?

because he feels *threatened*. because he feels *insecure*. because if homelander is *truly good*, even with *all that power*--

then billy has no fucking excuse--

it is, in essence, the same exact reaction that lex luthor has to superman. forcing himself to *challenge* him because of a *constant* sense of *fear*. (except lex *is* afraid of dying, so 1000% a huge coward lmao--)

but~, when he finds out homelander is *bad*?

homelander is billy's *failsafe*

to stop the person he feels is the most terrible evil of all *and* to set the world on fire in the process. a way for billy to kill two birds with one stone. compelled by his addiction to *chase* this ideation relentlessly.

homelander is to billy--his ultimate end, self punishment, a death wish, a *suicide attempt*.

and a way to *unleash his hatred onto the rest of the world*, *to make it burn*, even after his death. (this would be why despite many many MANY warnings to *not* push homelander *because of the catastrophe this will ultimately instigate and the loss of life this is bound to result in*--billy does not give a shit about the potential consequences. he welcomes them--)

if homelander were a *nuke*, billy would want to *launch* him. right now, homie is more like the *demon core*, incredibly dangerous and in some instances lethal, but not *yet* explosive.

billy *wants* the *warhead*.

it was why he got *so excited* at the *chance* of homelander offering him 'scorched earth'.

the man read billy like an open fucking book, and set the bait--

y'all, in other words, homie straight up went to billy's house and offered *crack* to the *crack addict*--fuck yeah he's gonna take that offer!

homelander never actually perceives billy as a real threat *at all* (safe to say, this is the main reason he doesn't kill him. there's a bit of personal complex combined with the deals/blackmail/request involved, but this would also be why he doesn't *hesitate* to 'kill' billy at herogasm. he genuinely gives no fucks about this poor man or his many anal complexes and daddy issues beyond the mild entertainment he gets from him and just how *easy* it is to read billy or rile him up. maybe a *dash* of novelty being found in billy's obsession with him. i'll go into the homie side of things in depth maybe someday soon lol but for now--)

and here's the thing, homelander isn't the *only* failsafe. he is simply the *ultimate failsafe*

included in all the possible bad habits billy has is pawning off his *responsibility* and personal accountability, even his *will to do good* onto others.

i mentioned before that becca (becky) was like a new addiction for him. and she was. in a sense, billy was using her to self medicate. she loved him, gave him love and made him feel good, no pain, no shame--but also no pause to think about that pain, self hatred and self doubt and actively address it. she was a way to not worry about his own *goodness* because she was an *easy* reason for him to *want* to be good.

and something important to note?

billy feels that he has *cheated* on becca/becky *since* the day she left/died. (there's a whole ass deliciously intricate story there but i'm trying to avoid the spoilers lmao. kind of a freebie hint i guess.)

lenny and hughie similarly make an effort to *hold butcher back* and reach out to him. (everyone does honestly, but not everyone is so successful with it). and butcher lets them, but *also* removes the agency of his own choice in the matter.

he doesn't just *let them* make him *good*, he doesn't believe he's capable of stopping himself on his own--but he believes in *them* because they *are* good, *truly good*.

hughie all on his own is *another kind of failsafe* and lo and behold, even calls butcher out on this by the end of the third season (theme is prevalent in the comic a lil different but again spoilers lol):

'i don't think you want to do this. i think you want me to stop you.'

*ding*ding*ding*!

nail on the head, hughie... butcher does not believe he can stop himself. so he sets up *failsafes* to do as much.

and let me just say, it is *unbelievably* shitty of him to do that, to pawn off the responsibility of his own behavior, whether good or pure evil onto other people. but i get it. and it fucking breaks my heart for him.

because *that* is addiction. it feels like mind control. aggressive compulsion. you feel ashamed, and hate yourself, and don't care if you hurt yourself or even others. but you keep *hoping*, *wishing*, *leaving a breadcrumb trail* so that *someone*, *anyone*, will come along and--

*save you. from you.*

and when you stop believing in yourself, in your own willpower to fight against this *thing* that just completely *destroys* you from the inside out... without *anyone* on your side, what else is left to do but to numb the pain?

i was able to recognize billy's addiction right off the bat because i've *been* to a lot of the places he has been. including the addiction. and he makes me so *fucking* mad because it's like seeing a version of myself *still stuck*, *still lost*, *still trapped* by my own issues and self loathing, and all of the abuse i've gone through--

and the biggest fuck up, the biggest *abuser* is me.

i can't *escape* me. *no one* can escape *themself*.

that fucker breaks my heart to pieces because *i have been there*, and i know just how fucking hard it is to *be* there, just how much harder it is to *get out* and start to *learn*--*who is it you really wanna be? who are you without this drug?*

and something he even says in the comics on a few occasions is--

'i'm not really here, i'm somewhere else watching this happen'

asserting that he *truly* believes that he has *no control* over *what* he is. (in contrast with homelander, who feels the weight of something similar but more literally in some regard, and in relation to so many other aspects in his life with the world around him.)

billy butcher *is* the *true villain* of *his own story*

of his own making.

he's not after homelander or even vought. he doesn't blame society or even his father at this point. he blames himself. and he's *given up* entirely on fighting himself. he's looking for his *overdose*.

*that's homelander*

ain't that a kick in the head...

it's part of what makes their relationship and dynamic so incredibly electric and titillating. it's got nothing to do with becca or becky.

butcher sees homelander as an easy way out. as a way to control the narrative, *maintain his own*, and *stop the bad guy* without bringing someone *good*, like *hughie*, down to his level.

he *sees* the parallels, a kindred spirit. he *knows* the potential. and he wants to be the *spark* to light all that *gasoline*.

because then it won't be his fault anymore. his *guilt*. he'll have passed on his *curse*.

likewise, he actually goes after supes in general for a similar enough reason, and it ties in with why he *doesn't* go after vought directly.

billy actually *likes* the status quo. to a degree, *needs* it, *needs vought*

because *vought* is the *creator* of his *supply*, feeding this addiction. and we hear billy say this in both the comic and show--

'with great power comes the absolute certainty that you'll turn into a right cunt.'

and billy actually believes this--about himself.

when he says it about other supes and even his intense hatred of them, it is a *projection* of his own issues and what he believes to be true for himself (that he would do the absolute worst thing imaginable given the opportunity). and in a way, going after them is in some ways a metaphor for stopping and destroying himself, hating himself, as much as it is a way to maintain his addiction.

and--

maintain the narrative he has built--that he is the true villain.

and if that's the case, well... it takes a *hero* to stop a *villain*, right?

but also--y'all remember that scene in the suicide squad where polkadot man imagines everyone as his mum? how he imagines starro as his mum?

yeah, that.

that's basically billy. every fucking supe, including starlight, and kimiko, and let's *really* not talk about what this means about him sleeping with maeve in context with his 'supe=daddy' issues, but even the person he sees in the mirror. *all of them* are *his father*.

listen, i'm not kidding. billy's daddy issues are seriously severe, so fucking bad, i--

his actions aren't for becca or becky or ryan or justice. even he *knows* that's bullshit and admits as much (which just makes fandom denying it that much more fucked). but they're not even *just because* or because he's genocidal, antisocial, or anything else. he *does* want someone to stop him. he's sane enough to recognize his actions for what they truly are *behind* the mask.

billy's actions are a volatile and violent *cry for help*, because he never learned how to *ask*, or even how to *believe in himself*.

he never truly learned that *he never had to be his father*, and he didn't *need* becky or becca, lenny or hughie to *be good*.

i actually think billy's greatest magic trick is convincing even the audience and readers that he is a *total*, complete piece of shit. and don't get me wrong, he is *def* a huge, massive, incredibly rank and ripe piece of shit--.

and y'all, i'm sorry if you believed him and got played like a damn fiddle, him and homie def throwin' in some hard balls--

but he's also still human. he also still needs just as much if, honestly? maybe even more, fucking *help* than homelander. which kind of draws back into their parallels. the tomfoolery of fandom might have you believe that billy is less complex or more put together than homelander, but their situations go hand in hand and the evidence suggests (if not confirms) something quite different.

billy's plight and even goal in some sense is *convincing the rest of his world that he is a monster*. driven by the addiction his father gave him. enabled by the world around him.

homelander's? it's actually the complete opposite. his struggle is with *his world convincing him that he is a monster*, and in turn, against his own instincts, *growing* into that role. when in reality, he never got the chance to decide for himself, it was decided *for* him a long long time ago.

'i think, therefore i am.'

'i can, therefore i must.'

however, *our actions cannot define who we are, because we can choose our actions*. good or bad are not something you inherently *are*, they are something you *choose to do*.

it paints what in turn becomes quite the brutal and tragic picture when these two forces meet. homelander and billy are both of the mindset that they *don't have a choice*.

and this bit is a bit more of a personal thought, but regarding billy's mum, she was *becky*. she was sweet, and kind, and cared for her family more than anything. *it didn't matter what she suffered, she was willing to drown if it meant saving the people she loved*.

as much as i adore how cute becca and billy were, i don't think she would have saved him.

i think the implication is that she would have either 'drowned' trying and become his mum, history repeating itself in a vicious cycle as billy spread his disease to any child they could have.

or that she would have lost her mind. and in turn *become* the person billy spread his disease to, if not another enabler for him. if not billy's choice of drug, maybe she would have taken up something else and eventually overdosed. i would even say the show implies this outcome with both becca and hughie, as the more butcher pushes--the more worn down they get.

if you put enough pressure on someone--they break.

becca was *good* for him. but billy was so, so fucking *bad* for her.

it begs the question of whether or not billy *is* right, if he really is this monster, *fated* to become his father in the worse of ways. of whether or not it's too late for him.

he's certainly not 'normal' or 'right' or 'good' or even an 'anti-hero'. at best, you could maybe call him an 'anti-villain', he is meant to be the deuterantagonist.

it def doesn't help that every time he has the *chance* to do the right thing, *someone* goes and enables him, gives him a reason to do the *wrong* thing.

fucking maeve in that last episode of the third season. but she's def not the only one, and def not the only time. (and yes, if it wasn't clear enough, being completely fucking indifferent to killing *thousands* of people to go after *one* fucking guy is in fact, the *wrong* thing to do.)

butt.

rewatching the scenes with lenny and billy's reaction, and even the final fight, showed something of a *possible* silver lining.

billy *enjoys* rejecting his father. actually pretty fucking greatly if we're being honest. generally speaking, it's when he *rejects* his father and everything that man represents that billy is at his *happiest* (lmao the epitome of an unfulfilled submissive sweetheart and bratty bossy bottom~<3<3<3)

there's a moment, where soldier boy says something along the lines of--

'--fuck you. you're weaker than he is.'

in regards to homelander. it's sort of glossed over, but this is billy's reaction to essentially being called a 'disgrace' so to speak by a toxic 'alpha male'.

y'all see that? it's a smile. lmao a smirk.

this is a moment where billy is protecting *ryan* and keeping his promise to becca. it's a moment where billy is *doing the right thing*, all on *his own* (mostly lol i'm sure there's a roundabout way to justify it in his head). and i think that's key.

it's not just a moment he's proud of himself and has a legitimate fucking reason to be proud of himself, (oh btw, we shoulda *all* been proud of billy in this moment), it's a moment he's *breaking through what his father made him* and his own *addiction*.

and he's doing it *selflessly* and--*without setting that responsibility on another person*.

so we *know* he has it in him, he always has. even becky *in the comic* kept trying to convince billy that *he is capable of good without her*. and again, we actually saw this in the second season when becca and ryan were reunited and billy *changed* his plans, *for becca*, instead of doing the selfish thing and selling ryan back to vought.

but if billy doesn't believe it himself...

i don't think billy is right about himself. but it is very *very* difficult for someone to *correct course* so to speak, once they have their *core beliefs*, lay out their own destiny and start along a *self fulfilling prophecy*, something him and homelander *both* do.

enter ryan.

and suddenly (lol probably in part due to reading dear becky lol), there was a bit of... not so much new, as *confirmed* perspective in play after that rewatch, something to *look* for and ponder in regards to *why* ryan may have been added for this story, a question in mind--

'would it be wrong of *ryan* to want to save his father?'

was it wrong of becca or becky, hughie or lenny, even his mum, to want to save billy?

how would *billy* even begin to answer such questions?

a different answer for the two would be a clear hypocritical bias (which lol i would not put past billy, but i also wouldn't be surprised if he maintained consistent thinking by answering *yes* to both)

. . .

y'all...

i still can't say i'm particularly optimistic about things turning out alright for either gent or ryan, butt~<3

garth ennis literally made the saddest, most pathetic, deliciously sweet, perfectly precious, extra emo tsun tsun baby boi ever, and put him right under our noses.

some a y'all fucking sneezing all over him, straight up sleepin' on all his *best* bits. how are we not utilizing billy butcher *properly~<3<3<3*????

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