#I mean' whatever dude' I'm predictable' what can I say

[shuploc]

If you do an Astarion painting I'm gonna evaporator /pos

Y'know what... It's kinda crazy, cuz I've literally been an Astarion stan since the beta, I'm collecting edits of him like it's pokemon cards too, but I just haven't talked about him on here at all lmao

I will definitely draw him, I guess I'm just gonna throw that out there; there might be a couple of pieces of him sprinkled in amongst everything else down the line. Thank you for the suggestion though, I've mentioned before how I feel pretty bad about drawing stuff from lots of fandoms at the same time, but idk, this time it does feel a little different ❤️

[soulren]

Go spend some time on male pattern baldness or male(AMAB) balding forums/subreddits and such. I did after realizing it is happening to me and the ammount of people who truly don't realize how BRUTALLY it tanks people's confidence and mental health is insane.

There's no cure to baldness by the way, and it can start at any time and there's no way to predict how fast or slow it will go. The only real working option is a daily pill that usually just halts it, but it can stop working or just slow it down or cause major side effects. To regrow you have to use a daily topical solution, or use a roller to wound your scalp. None of these are surefire by the way, and if you stop them you'll just lose your hair and whatever you regained. It's a daily involved thing that might not work and often at best just retains. The best drug, the one that occasionaly gives regrowth, also causes shedding at the start, and can have side effects from growing breasts to brain fog to EDsyfunction(sorry, censoring cause tumblr). Now, those are INCREDIBLY rare and almost never happen but it weighs heavily on the mind of those already spiraling.

But that's just background. What I'm here to talk about is the pure woe you'll see on those forums. People speak as though their lives are over, as though they've lost every chance of finding a woman(predominantly, there's a running idea in such places that women don't like bald men or like them less) or doing anything. You can read countless stories of people who describe that they no longer go outside, are now filled with anxiety and self-hate, have gone from extroverted to never showing their face. And some of these people are kids who lost their hair in high school or even before, or are holding as best they can to a very receded hairline and feel like there is nothing they can do.

And then there's something touched upon far less in those communities, but is important to bring up here; baldness and masculinity. There's the horror of knowing so much of society sees a bald guy as a very masculine guy, at seeing that the best advice for being hot and bald is "grow and beard and big muscles bro". Imagine now you're AMAB balding and nonbinary, or a trans woman who doesn't want to be on hormones.

Just genuinely take the time to look at those forums no matter who you are. Understand what these people go through, what I am currently going through. It is soul-crushing, spiraling, brutal. I have the dream of one day being like Brennan Lee Mulligan or Matt Mercer and starting to lose my hair made me feel like I could never. I felt like and still feel like I would have to be masculine, have to be a bro-y dude, have to look older than I was(I'm fuckin 22). It was the feeling that I could never dress feminine again, never present as a woman when I wanted to again, that I'd always be viewed as a bald guy before anything else.

This is an incredibly vulnerable post for me, and I hope it reaches you all as well in a kind and understanding mood. There's a tendency online for people to joke about baldness, to make fun of it, to treat it as a playfull silly thing but it fucking ruins lives, and it shouldn't. It happens to half the population's sort of bodies and very often. It should just be a neutral thing. You don't need long hair to be feminine, you don't need hair to be feminine. You don't need hair for anything. I guess I'm just saying in general that everyone should be kinder about balding, more understanding, and view it with as much import as they'd view the pixels between this sentence and the next. None at all, I mean.

And for those like me, very feminine guys who wanna keep that and don't want a beard and are terrified of balding, here's some names and I do hope others that see this will add more; Mr. Bruce (also in The Correspondents(band) Alex Ward in LA By Night Jason Carl in LA By Night Cecil Baldwin of Welcome To Night Vale Bob The Drag Queen RuPaul(in looks alone, I know about the whole fracking stuff but this post is about looks) tananasho on instagram Also your mannerisms and style of dress will convey femininity far more than your hair. Yea sure a front-on neutral shot of you may not and maybe you need makeup and stuff, and hell maybe a lot of people might reject you more but it'll just filter down to the people for you.

And to all you artists and writers and creatives; make more bald characters. Try it out. Feminine ones, masculine ones, all sorts. None of the copout nonhuman sort, just dudes and girls and mates and individuals who are all sorts of things and also bald. It might make a few of the people going through the various vortexes of pain that balding causes feel a bit better.

And to those noticing I did not adress female hair loss much here, that was intentional. I am AMAB and currently a nonbinary guy who goes by any pronouns but often likes to present as fem. I learned I was possibly losing my hair and lost two months of my life, no work or going or anything, to male hair loss forums and research and spiraling. Checking my hair twenty times a day, unable to sleep, unable to eat, unable to think. And my situation was NOT unique, but it also did not give me any experience or understanding of female hair loss and what AFAB people may go through with that, so I don't feel knowledgeable enough to speak on it. Also living with baldness WILL get easier and you will find something that works for it, by virtue of simply living with it. Things get easier with time.

[arielavader]

Seen a lot of people saying how married behavior it was for Aziraphale to turn to Crowley to "ask" if it was okay to go with the Metatron, and it totally is, but I think maybe it was more of the pub situation all over. When Mr Brown starts talking to him, Aziraphale looks over at Crowley (who was already looking, with the who is accosting my angel type of reaction) - it was a "save me." Aziraphale didn't want to go with the Metatron. He didn't want to drink the kool-aid coffee.

And Crowley didn't even put up a token protest. He's just like, whatever, go on then. When Aziraphale said he could handle it that was before the Metatron walked in. And he didn't want Crowley to go (he's literally reaching for him as he walks to Maggie and Nina) but someone had to get Maggie and Nina out of there.

I'm not saying Crowley is at fault here, it's just another proof of their horrid communication. Aziraphale expects Crowley to be his hero because Crowley always has been his hero. Until he didn't come back in time and Aziraphale handled the demon situation, until Crowley saw Aziraphale taking control of the situation after in the bookshop.

Aziraphale can handle things himself, that's true. But he wants Crowley to help him. Because that's what being on their own side means to Aziraphale. Doing things together, sharing things he's done so Crowley is aware and excited/proud of him, asking for Crowley to help him when there is a problem. (The three reasons he calls.)

And Aziraphale has always had a watch-demon to pad by his side through his most difficult times and that may be where their communication finally completely breaks down at the end.

Crowley thinks his angel's got this. He's smart, he's brave, talking with a big giant head dude isn't going to change anything. And Aziraphale, he sees it not as Crowley having confidence in him, but as Crowley having no need to be on guard. Anything the Metatron says is fine. Crowley doesn't feel the need to protect him, so it can't be that bad.

But then Maggie and Nina push Crowley into needing to define his relationship with Aziraphale. And Aziraphale, beyond wanting to maybe be able to change the whole of heaven, has to know about the plans. Can't thwart plans if you don't know about them. If he can't change it, he can still stop it. They did so before. He does need and want Crowley with him, to help. To watch his back, to tell him the truth, because that's what Crowley does.

Being on their own side to Crowley was not getting involved in Heaven and Hell. Getting intel from Shax is just a way to avoid getting in Hell's way.

Aziraphale knows that they can't just abstain courteously, because they've chosen the Earth as their home and above all, Aziraphale will protect it. For Crowley, for himself, for the humans he loves.

The Metatron thinks Aziraphale's predictable, no matter what he actually said to get Aziraphale back to heaven, he knew what would do it.

But Aziraphale? He's a dark horse.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

as someone who used to be huge bts fan and biased jimin and jk to now really only caring and being excited about jimin and his art feels so horrible to me tbh but i cant help it jungkook especially made me so dissapointed in this second chapter and i lost so much affection for him. i feel like he lost his appeal to me. Jimin however blew me away smf was just beyond amazing and then face and lc with all the art and heart in it ppl making all kinds of theories connecting him to poems, movies, queer ppl and writting essays about his work. I miss that i miss feeling of excitement and love like that with all 7 of them but jimin just seems to have stolen all my affection. i dont wanna be a solo stan tbh but i feel like i will never like bts as i used to.

Your line of thinking is so categorical, which is something very common when we're operating within a fandom. You mentioned lost affection, which indicates why you're feeling like this. It's the emotional involvement that makes us so involved and to feel so strongly about everything they do. And it can be something positive, like you said about Jimin, or something more negative, like your feelings towards Jungkook right now. I think it's easier for us to navigate these conversations once we acknowledge our position and we understand and admit were we're coming from. For example, I know that almost everything of Jimin's work is elevated and given extra importance in my mind because I like him. It doesn't mean that it's false or I made it all in my head, but if I only heard of him vaguely and looked through some of his work, I'd probably say at first "cool dude, he's interesting". And maybe if I was in the mood, I'd look it up more. It's the same as Jungkook fans now defending/celebrating every step of his career in Chapter 2 and they do that just like any other fan of an artist who is deep into a parasocial relationship. (Also, let's no hide or say only a category of fans are like that. Most of us are and we manifest in various ways).

If you want to label yourself as a solo stan, fine by me. Categories can make life easier, but they also limit not just us, but also those we are interested in or we don't really like. To me, this position is not one I would choose and I see the damage. Being so much involved in fandom, from the position of a solo stan, or a particular shipper/supporter or ot7/whatever else there is, can make us obtuse sometimes and more often than not, really mean in an environment in which online bullying is now acceptable. I see what JK solos say about Jimin and I see what Jimin solos say about Jungkook. It's horrible. Not only that, it's predictable because what they say is what is being transmitted throughout their own communities. It's like learning a script, especially when it comes to insults. And one has to be categorical and hateful. Not critical, because that would imply nuance and we know how no one cares about that.

I'm not enjoying the music Jungkook has been putting out in Chapter 2. I'm not enjoying how it's promoted. But to go from there and change my entire opinion seems too dramatic for me. He's not this horrible guy that he's being painted at. Just listen to him talk, watch his wlives. He's still a dork and he seems genuinely nice. I can live with all these thoughts in my head. Like I said, emotional involvement makes us go crazy, but in my case, previous experience with other creative people and celebrities is influencing the way I see things. I have favorite directors/actors that have some films that I consider really bad and so far from some of their earlier good stuff. But the world doesn't end there. It's ok. It's either a phase or they'll go down the hill, but there's still films that I like or I enjoy their way of looking at the world through their art. I like stuff from people I find displeasing, but I can put that aside and only look at the object.

It's the same with Jungkook for me. And if I don't like something, I will not waste my time trying to find excuses for it or defend it just because I like the person.

Just now I saw that clip of Bang PD talking about JK and it confirmed what others and I've been saying since Seven was released. This was Scooter's work, just as 3D and the other songs that will be released on the album. Jungkook in Chapter 2 musically and Golden are now the result of the partnership between Hybe and Hybe America. And it seems that the strategy is to focus on collabs to bring more attention to it, let Scooter gather all the songs and basically set the tone for everything and deliver a recipe for success. Do I wish Jungkook would let himself be convinced to put out a music album by other sort of people and not Bang & Scooter? Yes. But it was his decision and I can only look at the results and say that it's not for me. But I'm talking about it because I have an interest in Jungkook and because I have the right to say it, just like everyone on the internet.

I'm perfectly fine with all of these contradictions, while still expressing some of my frustrations. I won't expect from Jungkook something similar to what Jimin does because artistically they seem to not have that much in common right now, separately. It doesn't mean that I don't consider Jimin's work to have more artistic value. It has and it's something that I'm interested in and to which I pay attention to.

And sometimes, pop music is just pop music and we can simply enjoy it. Theoretically, that's Jungkook's path right now, but given how it came to fruition, the message it sends, knowing what Jungkook is capable of in terms of producing/writing lyrics, then it is disappointing to me. And so be it.

[oceanlipgloss]

21.12.2023

Just downloaded What in “Hell” is Bad lol this post is going to sort of be a live 'diary entry' for me to commemorate the memory so it will be looong (edit: and unhinged, too, apparently, no thanks to Satan)

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ´ˎ˗

Intro: shut up how cute is this little red marshmallow his hands look like small cocktail sausages

Update I: what the fuck this is so weird I like it

Update II: ayeeee hell yeah it's fate

Update III: nah man I'm fucking dying lmaooo

Update IV: HE'S REALLY HOT. Kinda bananas, but hot. Grabbing her cheeks sounds painful though, ngl

Anyways I smell a fanfic on the way already just lemme delve deeper into the story and get to know him better first

Update V: the angels aren't angelic at all, but okay the fuck was that, Gabriel

Update VI: bro why is everyone kissing her this is wilddddd lmao this mc is either going to be 'keep your hands off me' all the time or 'put your hands on me' all the time, no in-between

Update VII: romance at its finest

Update VIII: come again? reminds me of the guests in mystic messenger

Update IX: *smashes keyboard* sjnshfswpsjs that was SO HOT

Update X: LMFAO DUDE WHAT AN MC now please screw like there's no tomorrow

Update XI: OMFG IT'S HAPPENINGGG no the food came way too early and even though it's weird asf that they went at it so soon you will NOT catch me complaining. I love this man already and I love how they're influencing each other's emotions.

Why are his horns nutting too tho (day 2, edit 1: I get it now. Also, who knew Minhyeok would also have a horn? Iswtg man lmao)

Update XII: demon semen is the wae.

Like are you seriously telling me that every time she needs to breathe properly, a demon—which I'm sure won't always be Satan from the looks of it—has to screw her brains out? Fr fr?

You mean to say that devil nut is 'energy,' aka the key to keeping her alive in Hell, and that she's gonna somehow end up going to the other six kingdoms and getting six more different varieties of devil dick to stay alive? ROFL

And since Solomon came up with that concept to begin with, that means he's also fucked demons left and right. Time to go touch some grass this is so messed up that I like it just for that despite the discomfort. I really love the darkly realistic take on it lol

d2, e2: so apparently, getting railed isn't always the answer, because the method that was used with Minhyeok also works. Does that mean no more sex with Satan? YOUR HONOR I CANNOT ACCEPT THAT

But! Something tells me it's wrong to predict that MC won't get laid by someone else

Update XIII: thanks fam

Update XIV: babyyy

Oh God, at this rate perhaps I'll make more live updates to keep on my blog and laugh at later. This game is wild and funny but those sentence structures, word choices and grammar mistakes are sucking at my brain

Also, do you ever just see/meet a character and know that they're THE one in the game you're playing or whatever it is you're watching/reading even before the others are introduced? Because as far as I know, this feels like one of those situations. Satan is a fine, fine man, man. Let me get that masterlist ready

And! I wanted to say this but ended up babbling and dying and forgetting, but I really appreciate the fact that Satan is attracted to MC not because of her relation to Solomon but because of her freaky tendencies how she was watching unholy stuff when they first met. It's comforting that he likes her for her. I LOVE HIM

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ´ˎ˗

d2e3: BRUH NOOOO I'M ALREADY STUCK lmao

And I can tell I won't have luck pulling cards in this game, but I won't give up just yet. I will upgrade the hell out of my Satan card and pray to get a good card on free daily pulls (but catch me spending my keys for an event with a great Satan card after I figure out how easy/hard it is to get keys)

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ´ˎ˗

23.12.2023: gave up on the Play Store version and downloaded the EROLABS one instead. I don't see any difference so far, but reading Satan's H scene again from the start was a pleasure really nice lol

[egg-emperor]

'Show me one time where he's genuinely a good person with good intentions, where selfishness, ego, and desire to survive and save the world so he can rule it isn't involved. There isn't any.' ehh, i don't know, id argue eggman saving tails in lost world counts. dude doesn't need tails to get past the yeti, only sonic. he yells 'tails!' to try and alert him and sounds generally concerned when doing so. He also makes the decision to save him in less than a second, meaning he didn't have time to weigh the pros and cons of saving one of his worst enemies, he just instinctively went to help him. mind you, this doesn't even contradict him threatening to turn tails into mincemeat in sa1, because as he explains, he's a complicated guy *shrug*. not trying to start any drama or anything, but i def believe there are a few stand out moments in game canon when eggmans 'human side' is shown that cant really be explained away without heavily reaching imo

I knew this could possibly be one of the moments someone could raise. But I have a response locked and loaded, I always account for everything and am ready to go lol. And I don't think it requires what I'd consider heavy reaching to explain away because I go by what can be seen/heard of game then carefully think about what it means while considering his character and what tracks with everything we know.

I see Eggman's save of Tails as calculated decision. There are a lot of benefits: Making the team up seem more genuine and convincing, winning Sonic over some more and possibly finally Tails after how hostile they were towards each other, the way the more is up against the D6, the better, and the way Sonic could possibly be less focused on the mission if he lost Tails. Also the bonus of how he'd prefer to kill both Sonic and Tails more personally than some random unplanned battle robot, just like Sonic falling into lava would've been underwhelming.

Eggman could see that he was starting to gain Sonic's reliability when he said that they need him to shut down his machine, while Tails wasn't happy about it and felt like Sonic trusted Eggman more. So if he jumps in and acts like a hero and saves Tails, it's going to help him seem more genuine and possibly win Tails over more too after their beef with each other. It makes sense for him to be prepared to act to seem convincing whatever it may be, even though he of course couldn't have predicted the modified robot to attack him.

I don't purely say this off vibes because when Sonic says "you could've gotten yourself killed" Eggman quickly smiles behind Sonic which makes him seem very suspicious I love it lol

It looks sly and mischievous for a guy who just saved someone's life, it's not giving "he did it out of the goodness of his heart", more like "yes it's working, Sonic said he 'can't figure me out', I'm convincing >:)"

If you think it's not possible that he could've thought that fast to weigh pros and cons, he had the plan to betray Sonic and Tails the moment they got him past the Deadly Six and back to his machine and new Eggrobo all along. So I contextualize everything within this. That gives plenty of time to plan on trying to make his facade of a willingness to work with them without any tricks all the more convincing. This is why I feel that him jumping in to save Tails was more calculated than it appears at first watch.

Plus, we know he can think and act that fast anyway. Because in the Lava Mountain scene where he fakes his death, he was planning to do that the whole time and was prepared but he couldn't have expected for it to be kicked off by the Deadly Six breaking the bridge. Yet he was able to quickly act to save Sonic, so he could still keep the Zeti back while he went to reprogram the machine and he could destroy him himself with his new mech as planned.

Him suddenly thinking fast to save Sonic was for selfish and sinister self motivated reasons, and I think it makes a lot of sense for the same to apply to Tails.

Shrugging it off and saying he's just a complicated guy was also the perfect thing to say that wouldn't make it obvious that he was trying to convince them to keep him around. Because otherwise they would've likely realized it doesn't add up with how he was acting just a couple scenes ago when he said he thinks he "liked it better when [he] was trying to destroy [Tails]" If he dismisses it in such a casual way that can't be disproven, he's not trying too hard to convince them.

But if you think parts of that are a little too speculative, though it does have a little something on screen and the context of why he's teaming up with them to support it, we can also go by how he visibly acts much more blatantly in the later cutscene at Silent Forest, when Tails falls into the trap.

Eggman has no reaction, he just stands and silently watches. Doesn't even have the slightest look of suprise or shock like the Frozen Factory Tails save cutscene, which makes the latter feel more performative of a response while he was right in front of Sonic.

He then gives Sonic a little speech while he's devastated to motivate him, so that he'll "make sure his sacrifice isn't for nothing", his sly way of saying "alright but you've still gotta help me, I'm not letting you get hung up on this" lol

He needs to make sure Sonic won't lose focus of their mission and still work hard and not lose hope, so he can get him past the Zeti and betray him later.

And he just gives a little "eh whatever" shrug while Sonic isn't looking again. Much like how he grinned when Sonic wasn't looking in the other scene. Like when Sonic isn't looking, you see the real same old Eggman and how he really feels about both situations.

It's really funny how much he just doesn't even react or give a fuck in this scene lol. I think it really testifies against him really caring about Tails in his previous save considering this is the next cutscene he's even in.

It makes sense for the reasons behind the save is a combination of performing heroics to seem more reliable in this truce because he was planning to betray them the whole time, along with how he expected Sonic to lose focus of their mission and not perform as well if he was devastated by the loss of Tails. So when he couldn't save him this time, he brings out the little motivating speech since it's all he can do now.

Especially since the modified battle robot would've certainly resulted in Tails' death which of course would've had a heavy impact on Sonic and could've affected his performance, while they weren't sure what the Deadly Six were going to do with Tails though Eggman did think of it as like a "sacrifice". So I see that as explaining his earlier actions of the save.

Like this, I can't think of any others that I wouldn't also have an explanation for that tracks with the way he's selfish and self motivated. Lost World, to me, really seems like another prime example of that instead. I love Lost World Eggman and just how much there is to explore and consider about his actions, knowing that he was using them and was going to betray them the whole time.

Eggman does a have a human side and genuinely human moments in the series because being human isn't being a good person. There are many ways to be. Selfishness is very human too. He has a bunch of human traits and moments that remind us that he's human and none involve him being a genuinely good selfless or caring person because it's not required for him to be.

I haven't seen anything that people use as examples of him being a good person that I can't find reasons to argue against and they don't require any huge reaches or speculation as there are always scenes and dialogue to support my points, like the stuff I used here. The more I go back and reanalyze, I only find more to support them despite my open mind and neutrality looking into it.

I only see a pure evil villain with a funny side who is exclusively self motivated only acts for purely selfish reasons that personally benefit him. Which tracks with the kind of egotist and narcissist he is, it's the strong defining core of his character that influences his mindset, goals, and actions throughout the series consistently. There isn't any scene where I can see any exceptions to this.

I encourage you to have your own take and disagree so we can have a discussion like this though. I understand you're not trying to start drama and respect your perspective, I'm interested to see and discuss and share my thoughts. I understand what it's like for people think it's your intention though, it sucks. This is always a chill space to agree or disagree as long as you're chill about it too. 🤝

[coredrill]

my apologies to bravern himself but my own committment to the bit is not nearly as powerful as his bc i cannot figure out how to get the number ten into the word bravern [sadface]

ANYWAYS THOUGHTS god i loved this ep............lulu.......bang brave bang bravern is abt loving ppl so damn hard you take the narrative itself into your hands and give them a better ending. when superbia said that basically verbatim i YELLED

thank god this show is only 12 episodes cause i have a feeling they are gonna explain the time travel logic of NONE of this and i am so happy about that LMAO. just do it!!! have fun!!! this is a wow cool robot show i don't care abt the paradoxes or whatever i'm having a good time lmao. i mean i'm not opposed to them explaining it but it would def melt my brain. also i feel like if it ran past 12 eps it probably would've gone for a more monster-of-the-week situation at parts and also the ~mystery~ of bravern himself would've gotten pretty frustrating so i am just. rly loving the pacing overall tbh

isami is so fucking funny. he's trying SO hard to live in an ultraserious narrative but everyone else is chomping at the bit to get on with their unhinged looney tunes antics INCLUDING THE CAMERA ITSELF. like we don't know much abt him as a protagonist but i really do adore him on the whole. peak fiction fr fr

in the uncensored theater of masami obari's mind in which this show ends with a smith/isami wedding i think that one dude (googles) Thomas J. Plumman would be the officiant cause why else is he witnessing the boxing match AND isami fucking SNIFFING THE SHIRT??????? true allyship i suppose LMFAO

on perhaps the only serious note of this whole post i am thinkign SO hard abt how like. even in the Bad Ending Timeline, isami and smith/bravern still achieved their goal! like. the world was saved! it looked fairly peaceful! the deathdrives (minus superbia but he was just kinda chillin) were gone! they'd done their job and that wasn't enough! and i am ALSO thinkin abt bad-ending-bravern's last words being abt the curry he ate while human.........i mentioned this already but i think my prediction is leaning slightly more "human smith comes back somehow" after this ep. i still think it could work with whatever route they go tbh, but those factors plus ofc bravern saying "there are things that ONLY YOU HUMAN SMITH can do for isami" are making me think that we gotta like. Get Smith Outta There or something ("you have been saying this since like ep4" AND I HAVE NOT BEEN PROVEN WRONG YET!!!! [is immediately proven wrong when the preview drops on sunday LMFAO]) i DO wonder what would happen to bravern himself in this scenario however because he is a funny guy and i do not wanna lose him either :[ but tbh i'm just excited for the ride that the final two eps will deliver :]

[imminent-danger-came]

Hi again! Listen, if we indeed get the MK vs SWK fight you've been predicting, I want it to be CATHARTIC. I want both parties fighting to show the RAWEST, UGLIEST, MOST FUCKED UP parts of themselves to each other without holding back, and embrace those parts in one another wholeheartedly just as much at the end. And I don't want this fight to be at the end of the show, no, I want it to be inn the midle of the show run, not even just a few episodes spare afterwards but several seasons, to see them work on the ruined previous framework and build on it as a sturdier, more stable foundation, and I want to see it unfold and develop in the show. I want to see them fight together with that new bond against the big boss or whatever passes as it. I think what I'm trying to say is Eldritch!MK better not be the last boss, and that even in a fight with out-of-control MK, SWK still unconsciously holds back even if he doesn’t want to. Also for Wukong to show his OG power in its full glory at the end against the final boss who is hopefully not Eldritch MK. You may disagree with some of my points but we can agree to disagree. Eat fruits!

DUDE. YES.

In my mind I've never thought of Eldritch!MK as the final big bad, legitimately. Which now I realize that's kinda silly, because the show could go that direction, but in my mind MK would be pushed further down a path of chaos by being manipulated by our new antagonist. This isn't something he would want ("This isn't what I wanted!" for the sweet sweet Azure parallel), but something he'd be pushed into—whether through manipulation, or past memories, or some reveal or WHATEVER it is that pushes him to the brink.

Ultimately however, MK has to eventually defy his fate and use his powers to leave the world "better than he found it"—he has to come to terms with the fact that he'll hurt people, and people will hurt him, and that's how life works. He ultimately has to accept himself. Being the "final boss" of the show would leave very little time for MK to truly learn to love himself and learn who he truly is, which is why I think it probably won't happen. Maybe he'd be the final boss of a season—but certainly not the show as a whole.

But a cathartic and messy Wukong and MK fight? That's something I am hoping we get, and think we definitely have the potential to get! Here's a short list of people who have chewed Wukong out thus far:

Mei (3x10)

Macaque (4x11)

Curse MK (4x07)

Azure (4x13)

Pigsy (2x10)

Ne Zha (3x01, 3x10)

Now, with how often it's brought up the ways in which Wukong has failed MK...don't you think MK should have a turn here? MK gets close in 2x07, but there he's yelling at Macaque disguised as Wukong, so obviously that doesn't count. We are long overdue for MK himself laying out all of the hurt and anger he's been holding onto for 4 seasons—that itself needs to happen, whether it's through a physical fight or not.

And after finally, EVERYTHING is out in the open, they can build their relationship stronger than it was before. I, like you, really do hope Wukong and MK (or even MK and Mei tbh) fight together against our last big bad. Honestly watching them fight together in 4x13 was so fulfilling, seeing them bounce off one another and work together just like MK always wanted.

However, I am also ready for them to tear each other apart (MK for SWK literally, but SWK for MK probably metaphorically lol) and then build each other back up, both of them fully accepting each other, flaws and all. Just because you love each other doesn't mean you won't hurt one another, you know? Just because you love someone doesn't mean they're not flawed. And in some ways, I think both Sun Wukong and MK need to accept that fact about each other. Like, this confrontation needs to be MESSY and RAW, and I think a climatic anime battle is a great way to do that (4x13 MK V Azure fight proving my point perfectly, or honestly even something like Samadhi Fire Mei in 3x10).

But those are just my thoughts!

[ieatsmallorphansnamedtom]

Hi!

I was thinking here. How long would it take for each single to get over a breakup?

How the Bachelor/ettes Get Over a Breakup

Hi anon! I know originally in my rules I had a no breakup rule but I changed my mind on that. I'm happy to do this, don't get me wrong, but just for future reference for anyone that's requesting something breakup-related it really depends on the details. I still don't do cheating (yet) but that may change. It all depends on the situation.

CW: Breakups, angst, food

Bachelors:

Sam

Sam is obviously heartbroken. I mean, of course he'd be. His (I assume) long-time crush just dumped him. Who wouldn't be crying? Anyways, dude isolates himself from everyone. I don't know how he does it considering he usually dies after two days of no social interaction, but he does. He still tries to act all happy but for the first week it doesn't work.

Elliott

Elliott does what anyone fifteen years younger than him would do and writes angsty poems and journal entries. He really goes into his My Immortal phase with this one. In all honesty, he's just trying to get attention. He's lonely, alright?

Sebastian

Sebastian becomes very outwardly rude for the first week and a bit. He'll easily snap at everyone - even Abigail and Sam - and never takes 'no' for an answer. He gets over it, but for a good while after he is really closed-off.

Harvey

He becomes very serious and focuses more on his work than his personal life. Being a doctor is a good distraction is theory, but not in practice when your main patient is the one that dumped you. There's no chit-chat with him for a good while. Just get in and get it over with.

Shane

Oh boy, Shane. Well, to start, he handles this the worst out of everybody. That self-esteem is right back down to that pit it started at. Although, he can be helped a bit as long as you let him down lightly. Even then, he wallows in self-pity for months and it really starts to worry those around him.

Alex

Alex cries. A lot. I'd expect all of them to cry but he really carries it home. However, that's only in private. It public that arrogant dickhead-ness is dialed up 1000%. He doesn't want anyone knowing how much it hurt him. Especially considering how easy you moved on.

Bachelorettes:

Penny

Penny knows she's the sunshine girl of the town and feels a desperate need to keep that reputation up. She constantly tries to just be a nice person to everyone around her. She really wants to talk to you, too, but she can't bring herself to do it without getting tears in her eyes.

Leah

Leah actually gets pretty angry at herself. She blames herself for not seeing the signs of a failing relationship; especially when she's been in one before. She's easier to annoy, which only makes her feel more guilty. She tries to distract herself with her art, but nothing seems to work.

Abigail

A LOT of comfort eating. She goes ham on whatever's in the house. She's also very easy to annoy. Sebastian and Sam barely talk to her for the first few weeks just to give her some space (they also fear getting their hands bitten off). She can go from angry to crying in an instant.

Maru

Maru focuses hard on her work. She ends up making a lot of cool stuff she wouldn't have made for a long time otherwise. That's not to say the breakup was a good thing. No. Even Sebastian is more open with her because of how bad he feels. Maru dreads work and hates seeing you there because of how awful it makes her feel.

Emily

Emily gets very quiet. You better hope Haley doesn't see you because she's not afraid to pull some hair. Emily pushes away her passions a lot. She even starts questioning her spirituality. Now, keep in mind I know nothing about things like crystals and what-not, but if certain future-telling things like tarot cards predicted true love why is she ending up like this?

Haley

For the first week, Haley gets super flirty with everyone. She's willing to do anything just for the attention she needs. Losing the love of her life had a big impact on her, and she just doesn't want to feel lonely anymore. After that first week she simply goes back into her shell and puts up that mean girl facade again. Alex is the only one who can get through to her.

-~-~-

Hey anon! Thanks for the ask! This was fun to write. I think I'm more comfortable with writing for breakups now but it all really depends on the ask. Remember to get lots of sleep and stay hydrated!

[trainofcommand]

Well, it's rainy outside and kind of cold and that means it's time for some uplifting picspam. So here are some pictures of Kavan Smith that make me think of Stargate fic ideas or AUs and stuff.

Let's start with this one. Evan Lorne (sporting his trademark 'hands on my hips and looking a bit stern' stance - which, surprise! I love) learns that even when he's not on Atlantis - when he's taking some leave in a quiet cabin! - he's still going to have to mobilize his whole 'seriously?' look . Because he signed up for a quiet week away from water and nonsense, and what has shown up on the doorstep of his rented cabin? Some nonsense. It involves General O'Neill, who wants to talk about fishing. "There aren't any lakes nearby, sir," Lorne tells him. Jack just waves that away. Fishing is a state of mind. Also, he needs to hide out for a while. He's sure Lorne understands (Lorne does not).

Wait, wait. Or what about if this is an AU where Evan Lorne (not in the USAF) is staying in his family cabin after...I don't know some kind of shock...and one morning there's this guy bleeding all over his porch, and he looks like he's been through the wars (but what wars?) and needs some help even though he's remarkably close-mouthed about how he got in this state (bloody, bruised, one arm hanging weird, etc) and after Evan's cleaned him up a bit and put that arm in a sling and given him some water, the guy pushes himself up from a chair, and sways on his feet a bit and says, "Thanks, I'm just gonna--" and he waves in the direction of the door and Evan pulls out the hands-on-hips-stern look and is like, "Nope." And the guy looks like he's going try it anyway, even though he can barely stand. Evan puts The Look into full force, and the guy sits back down. Later, when he's passed out on Evan's couch, Evan looks through his coat pockets (bloody coat) and finds some kind of ID that says Sheppard, John, with a logo he doesn't recognize. It's going to be interesting when the guy wakes up.

This one says 'Evan Lorne werewolf AU' to me. Just a werewolf who likes to hang around with his arms crossed, looking intense and thinking about chasing things down. Maybe he's in the SGC. Maybe he isn't. Maybe he lives in a little town on the edge of a massive forest, a quiet and unremarkable life (except for the whole claws/fangs/wolfy thing, but still, it's quiet) until one day he finds some dude half-dead on the edge of the forest, and whelp, there I go again thinking about the whole 'isolated werewolf/guy running from his terrible past understated romance' thing.

This one is just dirtbag!Lorne and that's all there is to it, and I thank @dedkake for making it. Also, tongue blep is appealing.

Post-Atlantis, Lorne is having a rough go of it and is taking some leave time. He's at a loss. Who is he when he's not XO to the least predictable CO in two galaxies? It's a big adjustment. So he's trying out cooking and romantic dinners and the like, and also the whole beard thing. He's not sure it's working for him. Though he does like the plaid. It's comfortable. It's cozy. And Rodney will eat anything Evan puts in front of his face.

(A couple of weeks later, Evan says, "I'm going to shave," and, "I got a call from the SGC." And Rodney is glad, because Evan's cooking is great, it really is, but Rodney can't just eat all day long, he's got work to do).

This one makes me think of farmers' market AU. Every time. He looks so young. Fresh-faced! Like a farmer or a painter, or guy who likes to be outside all the time, wearing sensible shirts and smouldering a little.

This one is small but amazing. He looks like a smouldering spy or maybe a devious corporate dude or something. I don't know. AU where Evan Lorne doesn't go into the military but instead gets recruited by the CIA or whatever, and has the cover of corporate mogul in some kind of energy-generating company that allows him to travel around the world easily and also hook up with guys like Radek Zelenka on joint US-EU missions, and then one time they meet up with Rodney McKay (PhD, PhD; CSIS operative) and there are some shenanigans and Elizabeth Weir is their slick diplomat contact. Look, I don't know anything about how the CIA and CSIS work, but it's fun to think about some spy hijinks and like, nice suits and stuff.

Also, bonus image not of Kavan Smith - Radek Zelenka, EU partner in superspy AU. Looking very slick there, Radek!! I like it. (This stance says, "Are you looking for some fun, CIA superspy Evan Lorne?" The answer, of course, is yes.)

(I don't even know where I found most of these images, so if I missed crediting you for something, please let me know and I'll add it).

[inthefallofasparrow]

So, I finally watched Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part 1 and while the stunts, action and chase scenes etc were basically on par, I've got to say, the writing and the rest of the plot was all over the place and I'm trying to articulate what the problem was exactly. Tonally, they've started leaning more on the humour, to the point that at times it feels like a tongue-in-cheek parody of itself; lampshading the franchise's over-the-top ridiculousness and storyline repetition. But the problem was more that there were just far too many scenes and characters that only existed for exposition, which then ended up being both unnecessarily convoluted and vague at the same time. The whole enemy sentient AI thing has already been done to death, and that doesn't mean the MI universe shouldn't have attempted it, but they didn't do it well at all. You could see the potential for an excellent threat in the premise, but they just bungled it. I feel like maybe the core of the issue was that while Ethan and team have no idea about the submarine and what the key is for, the audience knows that from the start, so they just spend the whole movie catching up to us, rather than us learning as we go along. Various little mini twist reveals as we go were either predictable or meaningless. Gabriel is a nothing villain (especially after Solomon Lane), because the film does next to nothing to explain his history with Ethan, and he's basically just some guy. Paris has even less explanation, and the whole thing just feels very 'tropey'. Killing Ilsa only because Ethan cares about her, in order to save someone she has no connection to whatsoever really undermines Ilsa of her independent character development from prior films. And doing it in the middle of the film, just to give Ethan an unnecessary kick forward, was a particularly bizarre way to fridge her.

Also when Ethan says his special line about not being able to promise he will protect Grace, but that she can be certain that he cares more about her life, than his own (or whatever it was), that really doesn't sound heroic to me. If someone said that to me, my response wouldn't be 'oh, they're so selfless that I feel safer', it would be 'you need to work on your self-worth, dude, that's really sad'.

[sailorblossoms]

Was Baz actually a bully during the Watford years? Or was he just a posh jerk?

Listen, i've been reading old meta about these series these past days and I can't believe the amount of people that actually believe he was an actual bully like, based on what??

I mean, he absolutely comes from an elitist and conservative family, and that absolutely influenced his worldview during his childhood and early adolescence (quite predictably, hard to see what's outside of your bubble when you're not allowed to at that age). (Adding the actual safety that elitism provides him, as in he wouldn't be as shielded from being outed as a vampire if he wasn't a Pitch, and that it was impossible for kid-Baz to go against whatever the great Natasha Pitch believed in. Even when the conservatism of it all hurts him! Even when he thought his dead mom would want him dead, he still believed she was in the right!! But anyway, it's only after he breaks free from that bubble that he starts to grow as his own person, as a better person, cuz no way you can throw someone as soft hearted and who cares about others into the real world and have him remain a conservative elitist prick)

Being a bully and being a jerk are not the same thing, even if you're a real fucking jerk. Most of these characters are jerks in one way or another, to be quite honest (except Shephard, bless his heart) but the reason there's this perception of Baz, I assume, it's 1) because of the stereotype that he was supposedly casted in and 2) because Simon says he's a bully. The series it's all about calling bullshit to stereotypes so I'm not touching 1. And 2, Simon calling him a bully honestly doesn't mean shit.

A bully, at the very least, has actual victims. At the very least, they create an atmosphere of anxiety and fear. And who the fuck it's actually afraid of Baz in Watford, other than rats and whatever animals they have in the forest? (Actual question, I'm going by memory here). Nothing could more clearly point out how unbothered the student body is about Baz that Simon trying to tell others that he's a vampire and... being laughed off. If someone was being victimized by the dude and they were told "listen, he's actually a dangerous dark creature of the night, we could get the bitch kicked out, free ourselves" the general reaction would not be "Simon what the fuck are you smoking my guy". Agatha "I'm sick and tired of being a Damsel and in danger" wanted to go after Baz. And yeah, I know this was her trying out a rebellion phase by going by the Dark and Misterious Bad Boy(tm), see if that helped her figure out herself, but I honestly don't think she would have been fucking around in the dark waiting for him or wtv she was doing in CO if she seriously thought he would actually hurt or victimize her, as a bully would do. Baz might have had The Vibe, but there was likely the safety of deep down knowing it's just superficial, y'know (ik she later goes he's an Evil vampire!!! when trying to get Simon out of Baz's house for no real reason, which honestly rude, and my point still stands)

And it needs to be extremely clear that Simon and Baz were equals. Even when they were being dumb boys having stupid little fights they took awfully seriously (collateral of an actual war going on) they were still equals. Hell, Baz went out of his way to make sure they were equals, given that he has super-strength, enough to snap a human body like a toothpick, and Simon still tells us that he never even pushed him harder that he could push back. Yes, Baz could be mean and ruthless with his words, and he definitely hurt Simon, but Simon was never his victim. Simon was never afraid of Baz. And Simon definitely hurted Baz as well. Maybe he wasn't as cutting as Baz could be with words (likely the entire reason Simon even called him a bully, the whole "having advantage at being good with words, even to be a little bitch") but he was always good with his fists. He broke his damn nose ffs! (being the whole reason it's permanently crooked iirc)

Even the incident with Phillipa doesn't count (which I think was handled very well in the third book, so I won't get into it) cuz she was never a target, she was unfortunate collateral damage, and an unfortunate victim of Fiona, who was the adult who fully understood what she was doing, and I sustain was the actual responsible here (even if Baz was still wrong for fucking with dangerous things he didn't fully understand) (can't find the quote, but Penny said it best when she talked to Baz about this, they were really just boys being used as pawns by adults in dangerous situations they didn't even fully comprehend, not until actual damage was done here) (pretty fucked up of Fiona to even think of hurting Simon, a kid, that way, and to ask her nephew, another kid, to do it for her. Honestly believe she didn't really give a fuck about the kid who actually got hurt too, and only came around cuz she does love Baz and doesn't want to lose him)

So anyway, I'm not trying to be an apologist or whatever (these characters being flawed and having moments of being jerks or even dickheads it's compelling, honestly). All I'm saying is that Baz might have been a posh prick, and a jerk, and an asshole, and whatever synonyms we can think off, and he definitely had to unlearn quite a few questionable things but... was he actually ever a bully? I honestly don't think so. In fact, if we look at the picture of Baz being wealthy, attractive, smart, part of the football team, among the top of the class... it's actually likely that the general view other students had of him was more positive than negative, especially since he didn't have a reason to lash out at random people like he did with Simon and his friends (and he's not someone who actually wants to hurt others! He's always holding back even in actual fights!). And let's face it, hot rich ppl can get away with more shit in the general perception, so this would probably still apply even if he was generally an ass.

[yoongisleftearring]

part fifteen: brutal

B L O O D & W A T E R

pairing: witch!Leeknow x reader

-> in which you are thrown into the magical world of Creon alone, without knowing that you could be the one to tear it apart.

word count: 0.6k

a/n: weirdly enough, this is the first written + text chapter I've ever done

previous < masterlist > next

Taglist: @channieboyo @wolfebang @yellowroseskolchek @a-lil-bit-nuts @wondering-out-loud @hyunee1 @wandathescarletbitch @captivq @mits-vi @yunapixie @autumn-lv@midnightfury71@indelicate-macalino@qnjayn@inniesmenu@soobin-chois

"You," Minho roars, walking towards the more petite man with heavy footsteps. The other man seems frozen in his place, staring at the witch with wide eyes as he and his siren friend gain on him. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I was just heading to class so if you don't mind, I'll be on my way," Jisung spoke with a forced chuckle and tried to take a step away from the man who was now uncomfortably close but Minho caught the collar of his shirt, halting his movements. The man pushed the wood nymph against the cold stone wall as his fist curled tightly against the fabric of Jisung's shirt.

"Classes finished an hour ago, stop bullshitting me," Minho seethed. Hyunjin watched the encounter with unamused eyes. "We're not stupid, we know you were listening."

"Well can you blame me, you guys were whispering like you were up to no good!" Jisung shrieked.

"We can, and we will," Minho replied dryly. "I wasn't aware students weren't allowed whisper in the hallways," he scoffed as he released his harsh grip on the whimpering man. Shaking his head before whispering something that Jisung couldn't decipher under his breath before turning his back to him.

"What are you planning to do to her? That's what that was about, right?" Minho halted his movements, his and Hyunjin's backs still to the other man. "Seduce her and then use her magic for yourself so you can use it for your petty revenge?" This had caused Minho to whip around to face Jisung, he could feel his heart quicken and the magic beginning to pump through his veins, itching to get out. Hyunjin tried to grab at his friend but he was too fast and before he knew it Minho had Han Jisung against the wall once again. This time though, Hyunjin could feel Minho's anger burning in the air and the way in which he threw Jisung against the wall was evidence of that.

"What the fuck are you talking about, troll?" Minho spits and he couldn't help but notice a certain sparkle in Jisung's eyes like he was enjoying this.

"You know, the way you are always lurking somewhere near her, you aren't as subtle as you think you are dude," Jisung laughs, Minho tightens his grip on him and Jisung's smile falters slightly but he continues nonetheless. "That's your in. Then once you have her in the palm of your hand she can do anything you want. It would be quite impressive if the whole mommy's boy vendetta cliche wasn't so predictable," Jisung speaks with a victorious smile. Minho lets the man go and Hyunjin stands at the witch's side, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"You know nothing about me," Minho seethes. "And what is this? Your attempt at defending her?"

"No, no. Why would I do that?" Jisung quipped. "No, rather. I know when I need someone on my side rather than the enemies. I mean, she almost blew me up on her first day of training. You may know more, but I'm smart enough to know she's powerful," he shrugs.

"So she's one of your pawns?" Minho scoffs.

"You aren't much better," Jisung smiled. "Your kind is made for this type of thing, I'm just simply defending myself."

"Whatever you think you know, forget it," Minho grits out.

"I know who you are, and I know that you'll end up just like y-" Jisung's words were interrupted by Minho's fist connecting with the man's nose. Jisung's eyes go wide as he brings his hand up to his nose to feel the wet substance that was now dripping into his mouth, painting his teeth ruby as he smiled at the man.

"Say anything else and I'll make you pull every single tooth from your massive head," Minho threatened.

"Point proven," Jisung adds before walking away. It was only as Minho watched the nymph walk away that he noticed the crowd that had gathered around the three men. They all seemed to have a look in their eyes, a look that was so painfully familiar to him. Minho turned on his heel as he stormed away, students quickly clearing a path for him to walk through. 

[spectrelove]

i turned 25 yesterday.

i went out on a limb and had some people over to celebrate. ive been so stressed that i thought doing something with friends one night might be a relief. but my social anxiety just rocketed thru the roof. an hour had gone by and nobody had showed up yet after i spent the day literally racing around to make sure everything was ready in time and i started to get sick to my stomach. people started to show up and it was fine one by one, showing them around and having a moment with them to catch up, but soon i just felt so scattered, and my hearing disability can't pick up specific words in chatter and noisy din, so i just got frazzled and distracted, and every time i joined a conversation i wanted to be a part of it would come to a dead halt. it was a whole heap of mini-interactions that deepened my self-loathing with every swing, the self-loathing that i thought i had healed waaaay more than this. i even took 3x the amount of beta blockers that i usually do and it did nothing to alleviate the sensation i was going thru. here are all the friends i love in my living room and i hate myself so much, i feel so pathetic and far away from all of them.

i realized that today when i was reflecting on it, all wet and weepy and emotionally drained. soggy. last night cast stage lights on that excruciating feeling of alienation that i've been sinking in since i gained consciousness. not to sound edgy but it was like my embryonic fluid. idk why i was born with it already settled in my stomach like a copper egg. it's even shittier because all of these people love me, they tell me they do, and they showed up for me because they care about me, and by the end of the night i was so upset by them. nobody got too drunk or anything like that, everyone was just kinda on one. i kept getting interrupted, i couldn't get a word in, i couldn't figure out who was saying what to whom, and i felt so vapid anytime i did finally say something. just felt so fucking lame and flimsy. i kept looking at a*** across the room and wishing i was just with him. every time he laughed i felt squeezed.

annie even baked me such a cute cake and i was so overstimulated and out of my body that i couldnt taste it. while we were all trying it in the kitchen i held back tears. i think it's just that i've been so extremely stressed for the last 2 months, and trying really, really hard to keep my shit together and improve myself, re-structure my routines, work doubles to try to pay rent and attend class while doing so, putting critical thought into my own self-development, make goals having to do with personal finance, and meanwhile getting like,,, maybe 45% from the people around me, i mean, it's like running thru quicksand and im already so burnt out. i was looking for a night with ppl i love where i could feel goofy and relaxed. but i remembered why i used to drink so heavily. it was to run away from this fucking feeling.

while the last 4 were leaving at 1am i was trying my best to usher them to the front door because i couldn't hold back the tears anymore. 25, i'm not gonna have a crisis, because i'm getting my fucking shit together before i can. but 25 and you can try as hard as you want because you can't predict shit and it's always gonna be difficult. 25 and you can't rely on expectations. 25, whatever, it's all gonna be ok. a*** had to drive b back to their place so i knew he was gonna have to leave. he kissed me and brought me in to hug me and asked if i had a good birthday. all i could do was sort of nod because i couldn't even lie. i held onto him and when we pulled away i tried to hide my eyes. he actually left. and c******* did too. and my stomach dropped, the fucking copper egg dude, that confirmation that no matter how hard i try i will never feel like i'm on the same plane as the people i love, i will always feel this fucking loneliness.

i locked the door and just like immediately had a total nervous breakdown....haha.... trying to muffle the sobs on my couch, i felt crazy. shaking, seeing static, feeling sorry for myself. it's so pathetic. maybe it's also largely the fear that my medication isn't working, that im not as removed from the bad depressive episodes as i thought i was. i like couldn't believe that a*** just left too. and after all this, spending the day i took off to prepare something nice for other people, the very thing i like decided to do, i was left alone in the party debris circling the drain. but here's where i found a mark of change. when i saw what i looked like in the bathroom mirror, i decided to reach out and ask for help instead of rotting in my own dark spiral like i always do. and i texted a*** i actually really did not want to be alone and that i was upset. i missed a call from him a minute later and he texted me "im coming back!" while i was cleaning dishes and trying to stop the crying he knocked on my door and when he saw the way my makeup was running he almost started laughing with that surprised "aw, oh my god" and he hugged me so hard. like really held the back of my head to his chest and he let me bury my face into him and i started crying again, and he kept me there so tight and let me cry. i just kept apologizing.

he said he knew i was feeling that way and that he could see it all in my eyes and that he was going to call me when he got home after dropping buckley off. he said he saw me stare off into space when everyone was in the kitchen. im still thinking about it, how he was tuned into me the whole night.

things have been a little rocky with us because i've been extremely stressed out and he's been depressed. but he has been so sweet to me these past couple of days and im crying just thinking about it. ive been so weepy and sensitive lately. :( tuesday night he came to dinner with my family and was super present and held my hand and in the parking lot he walked me to his car cuz he said he had something for me and handed me a gorgeous bouquet of roses. and of course i burst into tears! ive never been given roses before!! and i wasn't expecting anything. i've been feeling so distant from him and that gesture just brought me back. and after i went home to put them in water i drove across the street to his and we played video games and then had sex for the first time in a minute and it was really loving and hot and lingering and he was paying a lot of attention to me and into me and focusing on making me cum. and that's how i could tell that my mind is seriously off right now, because i couldn't let myself drop into the experience like normal. i could barely feel it like i usually do. and this is the thing that i basically crave. but after i was just racing thoughts and out of body again. after, he played bass while i lay close to him, and we talked about music and he showed me some new riffs and stuff and i was happy to be with him. i tried to tell him i was not good and he was genuinely concerned but i couldn't verbalize that i needed him to, like, essentially smother me to make me feel secure again. we got down into bed and put on hackers and at one point i mentioned something about big boobs, a joke, and was like if i had big tits i would have a whole different personality. i don't think it would be good for me." and, like truly an excellent burn cuz he was joking too, he was like "yea, youd have a lot more personality." but im so insecure right now that i like fought back tears and felt that comment grip my ribs and he saw my face fall and felt so bad, apologizing and telling me it was a joke, and pulling me in and kissed my forehead and face a bunch and it alleviated it. i don't know why i feel so shitty about myself right now. he held me to his chest and cradled my head and let me sleep, telling me to get rest because i had been up since 7a. he held me the whole night. at one point i woke up and our foreheads were pressed together so hard, really jamming our heads together in our sleep. and when i woke up to leave in the morning, i kissed him goodbye and, all sleepy and cute and quiet he said "happy birthday". my heart skipped.

before the party he came over to help me get ready. i have the pretty red lace top that corset laces down the back and he spent a long time lacing it up for me, making sure it was perfect, and it was quiet and sweet and romantic. and he picked my skirt to go with it. at one point it had come undone and, automatically and in front of everyone, he fixed it, tying it up, asking me if it was too tight, and it felt so loving, he was really doting on me, and i felt fragile and sweet. in that moment i had the thought that we would be happily married.

and here he was, having already resolved to come back -- i looked at the ground behind him and he had brought an overnight bag. and he absolutely took care of me. he let me rant and wiped my tears and he made me laugh. "don't birthdays suck? i told you." i know!!! he gave me such a great pep talk, and validated me for all the hard work ive been doing, called out all the idiots, and we related on everything, we really are the same person like he said back when we first started dating, and by the end i felt 100x better. he let me hold onto him as long as i wanted. and we talked about our relationship too, unexpectedly, and it was all of the validation that ive really been needing. "i feel lucky, too. you're so awesome, and fucking hot, and cute and goofy and smart. im really happy to be with you." and he genuinely complimented my outfit. and he reassured me that everyone had fun. and he didnt judge me at all when i told him about how everyone made me feel, he took it all in stride. he really understood.

he helped me clean up more, and while we were in the kitchen we were talking about funny cats and i said that i really am gonna get a cat within these next few months, that it's time. and he goes "i know, ive been thinking im gonna get one too. it would just be really nice to have one to hang out with." and then he said that we should get one. i was genuinely exhilarated, it felt like my heart actually opened. "really???" "yeah :)" "i would love that!!!! i think about that all the time! I think we would have a really great cat." and general timeline is within the few months. i asked him where it would stay and he said it should be at my place. i joked about shared custody. we joked about if it's a shitty cat we could rehome it and try again. but the idea of us having a cat together has filled me with so much hope again. and we started getting ready for bed, brushing our teeth together and changing into comfy clothes and talking and laughing the whole time, and it felt like we really lived together in my place, our own space, and it felt fun!! i felt so much better with him! and natural and at ease. and looking at him over the bed i had that thought again that we could have a really lovely, fun, and safe life together. we talked about the beginning. he said i was an obvious flirt with him. apparently when we went inside hotel vegas for the show i smiled at him and reached out and touched his arm. i was like shocked pikachu. and then defended myself but defeated, admitted that of course i thought he was cute. but why didn't he respond to my message the next day after we hung out all night? it left the impression that he had bitches, considering his status as hot rawk starr in a metal band. he said he was nervous. it had been a long time since he had talked to anyone or been with anyone. i reveled in how everything has panned out. i told him that i was such a freak with him because he is everything i prayed for in a partner, and when i met him i was like no way would this guy be into me. but i get to be with the person i used to visualize. and he seemed actually moved by that. kissed me soft and sweet.

we snuggled down into my bed and he put on the two towers because he's a perfect boyfriend who knows what's gonna calm me down. i was like "ugh!!! this is what my day should have been like!!!! can we do this next year?!" he was like "lotr extended edition marathon? with themed snacks?" i kissed him all over his face. he fell asleep in minutes and i loved the whole moment.

[loverlylight]

Got a little bit of writing done! Hoping to do more later today but since I'm tired and since it's not a work day I can take a nap whenever I want so I'm hoping to do so now for a bit.

It's also kinda funny, I've gotten two additional fic ideas, both for Starkid productions. One is for VHSCC because if Jim works for Scrooge that means he and Bob are coworkers so I wanted to write them being friends, and one about Jonathan Brisby because honestly the dude was being pretty reasonable, it was just by virtue of the tropes of the story and his accent/word choices that made him seem like a... okay I'm sorry, my phone's predictive text thought the next word there should be "lesbian" which is... interesting. Anyway I was gonna say those things are what made him seem like a bad person. What makes this interesting is that if we put the various Starkid productions under the same umbrella that means I have three different fic ideas for three different fandoms, but it's still fairly unbalanced since two of the SAF ideas are multi-chapter and all the ideas for other fandoms are one-shots.

Also, if I can get the hang of how AO3 works, I might try moving a couple of my fics from FF.net over. Only the ones I still like, because while I'd never delete something I already wrote it's also like I don't really feel the need to bring over every silly thing I wrote when I was 14, you know? The only one I know off the top of my head that I'd for sure bring over is "You're not my brother" because that one still makes me cry when I re-read it. Before I end this post, speaking of not deleting fics, You're not my brother is a Ruby-Spears Megaman fanfic, and my favorite fanfiction author of all time, Atreyu452, wrote a lot of fics for that show that were amazing and still stick with me and I was devastated when they deleted all their fics. (Which probably happened, like, a decade ago at this point.) Anyway I'd avoid deleting your work whenever possible, because even if you're no longer interested in whatever creative endeavor that produced them or you don't think they're good enough quality, not only is creativity worthwhile even just for the sake of creating but even if you no longer care about it there might be someone out there who does.

[tramon81]

OK my Deltarune Theory for Chapter 3. My prediction is that it is wrong lol.

My crackship theory that totally there's no way to happen is this. The main theme of the 3rd Dark world is "something to hide" and "admitting to one's mistakes".

There's several things here, let's start with the theme, the aesthetic one, I think it's safe to assume that it's going to be "different channels you can find on TV", it's not necessarily room specific since most of Cyberworld was computer based even if there were things such as tables books and stuff, altough there will be areas that will be similar to rooms in the house that fit within the theme, Kitchen Cooking show, Bathroom Soap Opera... But thanks to the sweepstakes we know that some sort of mafia theme will also be present.

Mafia are a form of criminal activity, they commit morally questionable acts that go against the law. Now need I remind you what legal force has been called over to the Dremurr Residence that is on its way to possibly enter it? The Police. Wether it's Undyne, Napstablook or potentially Both, we have a main point of conflict, the cops will be against whatever these goobers and the main showrunner of this place have going on.

But also, Undyne knows Susie and has a track record of not a very good view on her (also she is desperate for actual crminals to bring to justice). Seeig as the evidence she has knowledge of, the tyres, the open door and now Susie is here on what was first the Dremurr residence? Undyne will give chase, however there will come a point when someone comes to defend her...

Toriel, seeing this adult antagonizing Susie steps in, creating the main conflict of ideals, Toriel believes Susie is innocent and Undyne believes her to be Guilty of everything going on, all the while the main showrunner is using this to their advantage to so SOMETHING that idk will be.

The main "BAD GUY" is not something i'd venture much to say off of, but I think there's a strong case to be made for them to be a News Reporter. The news are the channel most tied to REALITY, and for a DARKNER, that means a stronger connection to the LIGHT WORLD as in, knowing the most of WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE WORLD. Idk what the deal or motivation will be, but i think they will be making a whole like, media manipulation of the conflict between these three, making it all really hard for them to talk things out. Also, blackmail for Kris, dunno what the Boss wants in the grand scheme of things, the TV was PLUGGED IN when KRIS MADE THE FOUNTAIN, so I think they may just KNOW for sure.

But the most important aspect of all this I think Susie will think the Boss dude is talking about her BULLYING OF KRIS, this will be a Susie development chapter again, she will be antagonized like in the Card Kingdom but this time after having BECOME GOOD. Not only that but, Toriel standing up for her will have Susie feel guilty, the mother of the kid she basically attempted to bully is standing up for her, not even knowing of what she said to Kris on the Apple dialogue or the locker scene.

Eventually, it will be revealed to Toriel and things will go awry since it is known that she has a strong sense of right and wrong, justice and a powerful maternal instinct, and idk from this point really...

Altough an addendum here, we have talked about guilt and doing something wrong but, there is one character that is related to this family that has it in a way darker tone, a darker tone fiting of a Secret Boss. Yes, one way or the other, the next in line in the Dark Crystal saga is related to Asgore and the reason that he was kicked from the force, his marriage and most of his happiness. A guilt derived from something big. The flowers are a good contender for this but I dunno, maybe a sheriff since crime, police, and guilt go hand in hand.

That's all, I'm wrong as all hell tho lol