#I might order them from my local bookstore when the time comes when I can afford them

[artificial-condition]

About to start book three ❤️ 💕💖❣️💞🫀💚💛💙

[narcissadeville]

Dream Date | a butch x femme story

It’s almost noon when I leave the house. I almost never go anywhere these days, save to get coffee or food or ever so rarely to browse a store that isn’t online. So I consider this a rare treat. First coffee then, a trip to the bookstore. I’m in search of a specific tome. A book on lesbian nuns of all things, and I suspect the local bookstore might have such a thing. It’s a small enough town, and I happen to live close enough to the town square that I can walk without much trouble so I do. There’s a coffee shop I’ve never been to before on the way according to my phone. Under normal circumstances, I would go to Starbucks as it’s usually the easiest but I figure if it’s on the way I might as well try something new. 

The walk was blessedly short and more importantly, it was a beautiful spring day which meant it was just warm enough to be comfortable but not so much as to be sweltering and therefore unbearable to walk in.

The coffee shop is exactly as I would have imagined upon entering, warm, cozy, inviting, and full of life, mostly plant life.

There are a few people ahead of me, so I have some time to study the menu and get a feel for the sorts of drinks they serve. I tend towards tea on account of the fact that coffee makes me jittery, and I see a tea choice that looks appetizing enough and decide to order that. It’s a spicy chai tea with oat milk that looks absolutely divine. 

I order my drink and make my way over to the other side of the cafe to wait for my drink. There’s light jazz playing over the radio, mixed with the sounds of quiet conversation. There’s a certain ambiance in this place that feels almost dreamy. I’m not sure if it’s the fairy lights, the music, the plants, or just the fact that exists at all but I can’t help but fall just a little bit in love with the place. Someone calls my name and I take my drink gratefully, and make my way toward the door. There’s a part of me that’s tempted to stay longer. It’s comfortable and the atmosphere draws me in like a siren song and I’m tempted. But there’s a book calling my name so I press on instead. I make my way to the door, lost in thought and tea, and I don’t notice that someone else is coming to the door at the same time, and we run smack into each other, our arms colliding. My tea jostles but thankfully only sloshes a little over the lid. 

“Sorry,” I hear a voice say from beside me. I turn towards the sound and almost feel as though my legs might buckle. Easily the most handsome butch I have ever seen in person stands beside me. Looking rather sheepish. They’re wearing a black leather jacket, white t-shirt and black jeans and it’s all I can do not to swoon. Their dark curly hair frames their face perfectly. I’m certain I’m blushing as I stare into the warm pools of their brown eyes. My mouth opens and I attempt to formulate words but all I can manage is the letter I.

After a moment, I regain my composure and say. “Okay,” I feel stupid the moment the words leave my lips, but they don’t seem the least bit bothered by it. They smile and oh I can feel myself blushing again. Their smile is wondrous, and I lose all sense of where I am then and there. Before I know what’s happening, they move and open the door, holding it for me in a sweeping magnanimous gesture that makes me want to blush and giggle and swoon.

“After you,” they say. I blush again and make my way out and back into the street. 

“Thank you,” I reply. They smile again, and we turn in opposite directions. 

I’m still riding the high of our interaction as I walk down the street toward the bookstore sipping my drink. Trees line the sidewalk to my right and shade the sun's rays from me, a fact for which I am most grateful. 

It’s a good drink, but I can’t help but wonder if they’re a regular there. 

Should I start coming back? Maybe I might see them there again? I’m half way down the street from the coffee shop when I remember I was going somewhere, and pull out my phone for the instructions. Thankfully I’m not too far off course. I manage to continue the rest of the walk from the coffee shop to the bookstore. This portion of the trek is longer than I expected and most of it is spent reminiscing over the handsome butch I just met. 

In my own imagination, I am not shy exactly, it’s just that whenever I see someone I consider attractive, I lose all ability to speak in any sort of coherent way. I tell myself that if they are regular and I have more opportunities to see them in the future it might make it easier to work up a rapport. Oh, who am I kidding? Even if they are a regular, I very much doubt they would talk to me. 

After a half an hour of internal monologuing, I reach the bookstore. It’s not a gay bookstore but something about it just feels like it could be. Perhaps it’s just the vibe that all bookstores feel somehow inherently safe to me. 

I’ve always loved books, ever since I was a kid. In those days reading felt like a beautiful escape from a humdrum life, now I was lucky if I could work up the energy to read a few pages at a time. I was hoping a story more suited to me would help. 

The bookshop was a welcome respite from the outside air which was starting to get considerably more sticky as the afternoon wore on. Or perhaps that had simply been from walking there. Either way I was thrilled to be inside an air-conditioned building and a bookstore no less. The smell of ink and paper immediately filled my nostrils and I felt like I was home. 

I had come with a purpose true, but the moment I had arrived I found myself wandering down various isles with no particular purpose in mind. I let my feet carry me in any direction they wanted to, and my eyes sought out any cover or title that looked like it could be interesting. I was so engrossed in my wandering I once more found myself running into a person, this time right into their back. I groaned to myself, embarrassed that I had run into another person twice in the same day. 

“Sorry,” I said. They turned around and I would have gasped; once more the same handsome butch from the coffee shop. What were the odds, I wondered? Surely astronomical. It was a smaller town sure but not so small that it was likely that I’d run into them in this exact same store at this particular time and this isle. 

They smiled, “Well hello again,” they said. There was a casual demeanor to their tone that made me almost feel at ease. Were I not so damn nervous. I smiled, sure I was blushing again. 

“Sorry,” I repeated. 

“Don’t be, I’m glad you bumped into me again.” 

My mouth hung open at that, and I blinked in search of anything intelligent to say, but came up empty. It is worth noting that I am rarely at a loss for words. I would consider myself rather good with words generally, yet here I was, fumbling for anything resembling a sentence. 

“We might want to sit down somewhere, I’d hate for you to run into me and get seriously hurt,” they said. 

At this I simply blushed. Say something, my brain hissed at me. “I might enjoy it if you did,” I said. I cringed at myself, had I really just said that? 

To my surprise however, they laughed. A deep, mirthful laugh that instantly put me at ease. “How about I take you out to lunch first, and see where the afternoon takes us?” 

I blinked, there went my words again. I could hardly believe it, I was actually being asked out, on a date, in person. Was this really how it happened? I had only seen such a thing in films before, I knew I had to respond before they thought I wasn’t interested. 

“I’d love to,” I said. Or at least, I thought that’s what I said. I’m pretty sure what I actually said might have been more of a garbled mess of such a phrase. Fortunately for me, they didn’t seem to care. Instead they smiled and said, “Great. What are you in the mood for?” 

“I’m pretty new to the area I admitted, but I’m down for whatever.”

“Adventurous, I like that in a girl,” they said as we made our way out of the bookshop, all thoughts of the book I had been planning to purchase completely erased from my head. Adventurous, I thought with a laugh. Nothing could be further from me, but I wasn’t about to tell them that. Outside the bookstore, they turned right toward the parking lot with me trailing behind them like a lost kitten. When they finally stopped it was in front of a motorcycle, it was black and if I was honest the most terrifying thing I’d ever seen. They grinned mounting the bike with ease. “You ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle before?” They asked.

I had two choices. I could lie and potentially risk life and limb for a total stranger, or I could tell them I was scared shitless and admit I'd never even seen a motorcycle up close let alone ridden one.

Naturally, I did the only sensible thing I could do. 

“Sure,” I lied trying to mount the bike like they had. The dress I was wearing didn’t exactly lend itself to it, but I didn’t care. As soon as I got on I stared awkwardly at their back. 

“You may want to hold on. She’s got a little kick,” they said. I blinked, not seeing anything to hold onto. I had seen in movies girls holding onto their riding partner, but surely she didn’t mean… the engine roared to life and my heart leaped up to my throat. Without thinking I wrapped my arms around her waist for dear life, burying my face in her leather-clad back. She smelled amazing. A mix of leather, and just a touch of musk and cologne. She revved the engine and we took off together out of the parking lot. 

It wasn’t so bad, I thought to myself. I had calmed down almost immediately, at least that was until we exited the parking lot and the motorcycle shot down the street at what felt like an unreasonably high speed that caused me to wrap my arms around their waist once more, desperately clinging to the only lifeline I had. They didn’t seem particularly bothered by it. In fact, as they took off down the road, making a bit of a sharper-than-necessary turn, I almost got the impression they were trying to show off for me. This thought was short-lived however when the motorcycle’s engine popped suddenly and bucked me. I clenched my thighs to the metal and gripped them so tight I was sure I would have cracked one of their ribs. When we finally reached our destination, a restaurant I had never seen before it was all I could do not to kiss the ground. I felt as though I had been just taken on a wild ride on a stallion. I carefully extricated myself from the bike and they followed suit, smiling at me. Distinctly I got the impression that they knew I had been lying. No one who had ridden on a motorcycle before would have been that terrified. Thankfully they didn’t call me out a fact for which I will be eternally grateful for forever. The two of us made our way towards the restaurant, their hand at the small of my back. It was all I could do not to blush again. When we reached the door, they moved swiftly to open it for me and not a second later their hand was at the small of my back once more. 

It was almost unbelievable how fast they seemed to move. 

They had chosen, a quiet diner where we could chose our own seats, we did, the back of the diner, away from other guests. Ours was a half moon booth, they slid into the middle and I slid in the other side, next to them. Without a second thought they wrapped their arm around me and pulled me close. Were it not for the distinct smell of cooking eggs wafting from the kitchen I would have been certain this was a dream. 

“I hope you don’t mind being so close,” they said. 

“I don’t mind at all,” I replied. How could I possibly? What femme in her right mind would mind? 

“I admit I’m not usually this forward,” they said. “But after I ran into you for the second time in the bookstore I thought you can’t let her get away again.” 

It took everything in me in that moment not to make a self deprecating comment. Not to say something along the lines of, ‘are you sure you’re talking about me?’ I had promised myself I wouldn’t do that anymore. Still I couldn’t quite stop myself from asking. “Oh, why is that?” 

“Well for starters you’re easily the most beautiful femme I’ve ever seen. But besides that… I can’t really explain it.” For a long moment, I had no idea what to say. It’s not that I lack self-confidence per se, but I’m by no means self-absorbed enough or perhaps quite confident enough to call myself the most beautiful femme. Surely this handsome butch has seen many a beautiful femme, I think.

Several years ago, when I was still attempting to date men, I would have assumed this was merely a line to get into bed with me. But this felt incredibly genuine like they really meant it. Unlike with any man, if this was a line, it was going to work. They could have asked me to follow her into a life of crime Bonnie and Clyde style and I would have. Easily. 

“Thank you,” I said thought it felt foolish. They smiled. 

“I’m just being honest,” they said. 

When the server arrived, they ordered for me, another thing I had only ever dreamed of, and they held tight to me for the remainder of our lunch, we talked about everything and nothing, and I still couldn’t get over it. A real date, a date that had come from me doing something different and leaving the house. It felt like a dream, like a fairytale. I was terrified that at any moment I’d wake up back in my bed. 

Only I didn’t. 

Lunch ended, and we went to see a movie, then strolled the park, then went for a late dinner. The day flew by and the next thing I knew it was nearing midnight. Had we really been out all day? I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so comfortable and joyous and just myself, and I was reticent to let the date end. As they dropped me off back at my house and gave me their number, I knew I couldn’t let them go. 

Wrapping my arms around them, I smiled, “You’re welcome to come in,” I said. 

They grinned, giving me a look filled with a multitude of promise. 

“Much as I would love that and I…” they looked me up and down and let out something between a grunt and a moan that sent shivers down my spine, “I would love to. I have a rule about not sleeping with a girl on the first date.” 

It was all I could do not to pout. They must have noticed it too because they smiled and wrapped their arms around my waist. “Can I kiss you?” They asked. 

“You can do a lot more than that if you like,” I replied. 

They laughed and pressed their lips slowly to mine. I gasped, lips parting to give them entrance. I felt their fingers dig into my hips then as they deepened the kiss. Their tongue exploring my mouth. It was all I could do not to moan into the embrace. It was hands down the best kiss of my life. Their lips trailed down from mine, down my chin, towards my neck. I gasped, letting out a moan as they sucked hard onto my throat. My fingers dug into their back. “Please,” I begged. 

“Please what?” They whispered against the flesh of my neck like a prayer. I shivered. 

“Please I need more,” I whined. 

They smiled, pressed their lips to mine once more, and pulled away. “Just needed to mark my spot,” they said. I whined. “Promise we’ll do this again and I’ll make it very worth your while.” 

I shivered at the promise of their words. “I’m holding you to that,” I said. They got onto their motorcycle with a grin, and the last thing I saw was their tail light as they sped off into the night. 

Walking back to my room I wondered briefly if I would ever see them again. Or if this had been just a passing-by-night thing. A once in a lifetime fairytale of an event that had happened miraculously not to be repeated. 

To my great surprise, my phone vibrated and I pulled it out to find a text from them: 

I had a great time today, shall we plan another date for tomorrow? Or later in the week?

I stared at my phone grinning from ear to ear. I could hardly deny to myself it was real now. Shocking though it was. We planned our second date, and as I crawled into bed, exhausted from the long day, I felt all at once as though I was floating on air. 

The date of my dreams with the butch of my dreams, I thought to myself. Holy shit I did it. 

[andromedaexists]

It's Been a Week...

Seven days ago I introduced my book baby (Δάιος, you might have heard of it) into the world! On 10/10 Icky baby made his debut!!

So what has happened since then?

Well, my personal life has become a living hell but that's not what we're here to discuss. Today is all about self-publishing a debut novel.

Icarus came into the world on the 10th with a KDP ebook and paperback release. Those were soon joined on the 11th by an ebook, paperback, and hard cover wide release through the distribution channels of IngramSparks.

I have learned a lot with this process. Namely: IngramSparks is a fucking bitch when it comes to covers, Amazon will not provide quality author proofs so I have no way of knowing what my book will look like before it publishes, and that I need to give myself more time to work out the kinks next time.

Before I get too far into details, I want to highlight some numbers here. If you do not want to see publication numbers then you are free to go! Thank you for stopping by, though!

Okay, so here are my numbers so far:

I had sixteen (16) preorders on the Δάιος ebook through Amazon.

On release day, these orders processed. I also received another 3 orders that day, bringing the total number to 19.

Since that first day, I have received a total of 26 orders through KDP.

As you can tell, I had a significant dip right after pub day. This is mostly my own fault, as I am terrible at marketing and by virtue of my life going to shit I haven't even been shitposting about my book.

Of these 26 orders, 5 of them have been paperbacks

This is a lot better than I expected!! I think it's because I am so partial to physical copies that I tend to push those first and foremost before the ebook.

But these are just the amazon KDP numbers, I have also gone wide with distribution!

So how many orders have I gotten through IngramSparks??? None.

Not a one. That's to be expected though, a lot of indies sell through amazon first and foremost. I mostly set up ingram for two reasons: 1. I wanted to hold a hardcover edition of Δάιος in my hands but i really dislike the way that KDP doesn't offer dust jackets for their hardcovers and 2. Consignment

I just finished filling out some consignment forms for my local NE Ohio bookstores, we'll see if I get into any of them.

There is one other place I sell, though: my website. How many orders have I gotten there? 6!!

one of those images is different, because on my website I can offer something that amazon and IS can't. Physical goodies. The books on my website come with a pack of 6 stickers, a thank you card, and my signature! And technically I have 8 orders, but one hasn't come through yet from a friend in person and the other is for Shane bb who is getting an annotated copy of the book (I haven't finished the annotations yet lol)

So now that we have all the numbers out in the open, let's talk about money. How much did it cost for me to publish δάιος? A lot. It is possible to publish for much less than what it cost me, but I went out of my way to commission a cover artist that I just knew I needed to have and that cost me a pretty penny.

All in all, I spent $2,920.16 ($1,703.02 is the cover alone after conversion from GBP)

And how much have I made back so far, just in week one?

$73.46 from KDP royalties and $44.82 from my website ($94.95 - $50.13 for the books alone, not even counting the goodies and packing supplies) for a total of...

$118.28!!! That's a lot!!!

I am very privileged to have a credit card I can put my expenses on as I slowly pay them off, and I do not regret anything I have done in the creation of my book. Even if it makes me cry a little bit at how much I spent.

Now that the numbers are over, what are some positive things that have come of this and some negative things? (pos first)

I have published my debut novel!

There are 4 people who have read my debut novel and liked it enough to rate it on goodreads! (it has a 4.75 star rating atm!)

My book is BEAUTIFUL

Icky baby has been unleashed on the world!

I feel like I've finally accomplished something with my life

DID I MENTION THAT I PUBLISHED A BOOK???

the negatives:

I really don't like that the colors of the cover don't print properly, every copy I've gotten either lightens the contrast so you can't see the title or it darkens the damned thing and you can't see Icarus

I also don't like that IngramSparks doesn't support any letters outside of the basic latin letters on the spine of covers, because that means that my baby is naked under the dust jacket and that's just boring

Amazon Fuckt Up my print proof (i will attach pictures) and I freaked out about it for a good 4 days

I just realized today that I published daios with a placeholder chapter title about halfway through the book... so I fixed that but there are already more than 30 copies of the book in circulation with that error...

Idk if it's just my bad eyes but I feel like the text is too small in the print books. I would like to make it larger when I publish the revised edition next year

INGRAMSPARKS IS A LITTLE BITCH THAT WILL YELL AT YOU AND REJECT YOUR COVER IF YOU LOOK AT IT WRONG

I can order just a regular copy of daios off amazon and it will be here in two days. So why when I order author copies does it take TWO WEEKS TO SHIP

I really hate that the hardcover can't have creme paper. Like, gimme the offwhite. It looks so much better with my cover and the vibes of the story. Lemme use something other than bleach white please i'm begging

All in all, I learned a lot with this!! I had my ups and downs, I think I've done everything in my power to make this book successful, and now I just have to roll with it!

I will check in again at the one month mark, but yeah! That's it! Thanks for reading through this long winded post!!

The pictures, as promised:

And just in case you can't immediately see what's wrong:

The colors are off, the title has like a hard demarcation when it's supposed to be a soft glow and you can't hardly see Icarus down there

My name is brushed up against the edge of the book when it's supposed to have a decent buffer room

The spine is shifted. Why is the spine text partially on the front cover?

The colors are off on the back as well, the text is hard to read and it's too close to the edge of the book when it's supposed to be more centered.

For reference, here's the finally front cover on a regular paperback purchased through amazon (I.E. what a normal customer would receive):

[kingwithpaintedfingers]

An Update on the Status of My A03 Fics!

Hihi! I have no idea if anyone who follows this blog reads any of my fics on AO3, but if you do, then you might like to know what the heck is going on with my fics, and why I haven't posted any updates in over six months.

First of all, I am alive! I wrote a lot of fics in the summer of 2022 when I had just gotten active in a fan server on Discord where there was a lot of encouragement to write fanfiction. In the spring of 2023, I started a medical assistantship course, and in order to keep myself focused in class, I turned off notifications for the server. And then I just kind of...didn't turn them back on???? In my defense, I was intimidated by the amount of time it would take for me to backread everything I missed, and that eventually snowballed into me just no longer looking at that server. I should honestly become active in it again, because it did a lot for my writing productivity. I also have a lot of hobbies both in real life and on my computer, and those take up a lot of my time as well. So that's why I didn't post much last year and haven't posted anything yet this year.

But I want to let you all know, that I do fully intend to complete the fanfics I have already started on AO3, and I do intend to write the sequels I promised a year and a half ago.

So without further ado, here is a status report on the incomplete fics and series I have on my AO3:

How to Live With Fire: One of my most popular fics! I have two sequels planned, and a rough idea of what I want to happen in each of them. Both of them are probably going to be only a few chapters long. The delay on this one is mostly on Part 2, since Part 2 has only the vaguest ideas of what I want to do with it (how Mortarion and Vulkan become a longterm couple, and how their legions react to this change). The trouble with this one is, I haven't read any Salamanders novels, let alone ones that take place during the Horus Heresy. I think I will at least have to read Deathfire for this one. I am praying that I don't have to read Vulkan Lives, since I understand that one has less tasty Salamanders content than I would like, and way more John Grammaticus than I find tasteful. But I will still try Deathfire at the very least, if I can find a physical copy at the library or a used bookstore or something.

A Matter of Trust: Another one that's going to end up being a trilogy. I have figured out what happens, now I just need to read the Plague Wars trilogy, because those events are going to be kind of important to the rest of the plot. Again, I'd like to read physical copies of the books so that I can flip through them easily. I'm going to see if I can find copies of the first two novels through the local libraries. Fingers crossed!

Until the Bitter End: Ohhhh, this one's gonna make me cry...this one is mostly hinging on me rereading The Buried Dagger and taking notes. Much lower barrier for entry for this one, since I've read it so often that I mostly remember where to find the events I'm looking for.

Lantern and the Child: This one is going to have like, a billion chapters. It's going to become episodic for a while, but I'm looking forward to it. In this case, it's a case of figuring out which characters I want to introduce. The idea of it being episodic is kind of exciting for me, because it feels like it will be a fun thing to do, and because it goes along with a writing conceit that my co-creator and I have for this AU, that it's the events of a theoretical (very dark) Pokemon anime.

This Once Nearly Was Mine: This one should literally be the easiest one to complete, I am ashamed that I haven't finished it. There's only one chapter left, and I don't even have to come up with all of the events. Again, this one is going to dip into Horus Heresy events that I haven't actually read, but I think I've heard enough from osmosis that I can skip most of it. I just need to, y'know, actually sit down and fucking write it.

Deep's Embrace: I've got an outline! And I've even got some scenes written out! As I type this post, I am preparing to submit chapter 2. I'm having a lot of fun with this fic, as you could probably all tell.

Anyway, that's basically it for now. If you have any questions, please let me know! And if you have any friends who you know enjoy my fics but aren't following me or aren't on Tumblr, please link them to this post so that they know just what the hell is going on with me.

[ilikereadingactually]

Monk and Robot

A Psalm for the Wild-Built and A Prayer for the Crown-Shy by Becky Chambers

please read these books. like right now, request them from your library, order them from your local indie, borrow them from a friend. they're swift and bright and breathtaking. they brought me, for a little while, to a world so quiet and gentle it's almost impossible to imagine--and even in this softest future, being human still comes with pains and sorrows, existential and mundane. these books comforted me the way Dex the tea monk comforts everyone who comes to them for a tailored brew and a cathartic conversation; these books comforted me the way the robot Mosscap comforts Dex in a moment of crisis. these books comforted me the way Dex and Mosscap comfort each other, because even when we think we need for nothing, we're still struggling with the need to understand ourselves, and to be understood.

as you might imagine, i cried a lot. i want to mail a copy of these to every person with the political or financial or positional power to make significant change in the ways we treat our environment. i want to become a disciple of Allalae, the god of small comforts. i want to tuck these books into bed with me and rest.

the deets

how i read it: i read both of these from the library via Libby, but i'm adding them to my definitely-buying list. i regret not buying both the last time i was in a bookstore, i want them in my hands more fiercely than most other books right now.

try this if you: want to imagine a better post-apocalypse, long for beautiful books where not a lot happens (this is what i said to my best friend, right before she told me to read these), enjoy thinking about the human condition, or are tired.

a line i really liked: read: a line that made me weep lavishly

Dex would never forget. "You walked out of the woods, and you said, 'What do you need, and how can I help?'"

Mosscap smiled at this. "I remember, yes."

"Well, I didn't know then," Dex said, "and I still don't. But what I do know is...you help. You're helping me figure it out. Just by being here. You help."

"Then we have the same answer," Mosscap said. "I don't know, either. But you are my best help, Sibling Dex."

[roxalicious]

do you like yuri? do you like slow burns? do you like when girls are incredibly repressed and somehow lacking in self awareness despite being clearly psychosexually obsessed with each other in ways that i frankly wish they would go to therapy over? well then, have i got a story for you!

the name is Story About Buying My Classmate Once A Week (yes, i know, unfortunate title but stick with me here), or ShuuKura for short. let me introduce you to our players:

Shiori Miyagi: at school, she sits not exactly at the bottom of the school caste, but pretty close. her mother is gone, and her father is always busy with work to the point of rarely being home. he probably feels guilty about this, which is why Miyagi is left with an allowance that's frankly excessive for a high school student. living in a mostly empty house for most of her formative years has really done a number on this girl, let me tell ya

Hazuki Sendai: according to Miyagi, she's not quite at the top of the school caste, but pretty close. she's not close to her family, even though they're close to each other. her parents will only bother to talk to her to nag her into following her successful sister's footsteps, and otherwise won't even reply "welcome back" when she comes home. she comes across as neat and proper at school, but it's not necessarily something that's in her nature, rather she goes out of her way to present this way to make life easier on herself. to her own admission, she's a people pleaser

their story begins in a bookstore, with Sendai attempting to buy a magazine she doesn't care about because her friend and local Cool Kid does, except she has forgotten her wallet at home, as she realizes once at the register. unfortunately for her, Miyagi is there to save the day and buy it for her (with a trusty 5000 yen bill!) before she can refuse. Sendai really doesn't want to accept the money, and Miyagi really doesn't care about getting it back. so they reach a compromise: Sendai can just work for it.

what was supposed to be a one time thing soon turns into a whole system. once a week (though it's actually more "whenever she has a bad day"), Miyagi will call Sendai over, give her a 5000 yen bill, and in exchange gain the right to order her around for the afternoon until it's time for dinner, at which point she will ask her if she wants to eat together, Sendai will say no, and they'll each go their separate ways. at first that only means making Sendai read manga out loud, or do her homework for her. Sendai doesn't mind, and she'd rather be in Miyagi's room than her own house anyway. until one day Miyagi issues a new order: to lick her feet.

from this point onwards Miyagi's orders swiftly change in nature, and though at a much slower pace, so does their relationship.

some things to keep in mind:

there's two translations out of this webnovel. one of them is frankly not good and i do not recommend it, but iirc it's almost caught up with the og. the other translation is good, but there's only 36 chapters out. still, it updates very frequently, so i do recommend it over the first one if you're patient

when i say slow burn, i do mean slow burn. while the physical intimacy and intensity of feelings grow relentlessly over the course of the story, these girls are not good at talking to each other. like, it took Sendai six months of being served soda every time she came over to finally decide it was time to tell Miyagi she doesn't like it. she gets tea from then on

the initial stages of the relationship are very much transactional in nature by design. Sendai doesnt need the money, nor does she even intend to spend it, but it's still their main way of connecting with each other for the longest time. it's very much just a way to obfuscate what's really going on here, but if the idea puts you off this might not be for you

[purplesurveys]

1853

Do you like coffee? Yes. Need it everyday. No coffee no braincells no work done hahah.

Do your eyes ever twitch? They don't.

Do you get excited when you get something in the mail that isn’t a bill? Of course it's exciting when stuff I order arrives. But it also depends, because I'm not always buying things and sometimes I'm just receiving stuff for my parents or sister haha.

What was the last thing you wrote by hand? Just my signature for when I picked up the book I pre-ordered from the local bookstore.

Why did you last feel exhausted? Tuesday last week. The Sunday before that I had 10 AM-6 PM event, immediately the following day I had a 5 PM-1 AM event...by Tuesday I was beat and felt a fever coming in. Thankfully it didn't last long and I powered through the rest of the week like a motherfucker.

Have you ever used emotional blackmail to get your own way? Sure.

Has anybody ever used emotional blackmail on you? Sure.

Assuming you have any, is your hair soft today? No.

Who did you last worry about and why? The dogs, because of the weather. I'm constantly worrying they might get heat stroke so now I always give them ice cubes and have the living room aircon turned on, even if it's only them downstairs.

When are you next at work? If you mean at the office, Thursday.

Do you enjoy your work? It's a lot more tolerable ever since I was able to negotiate to be set free from the one account that was serving as mental torment for me. I dare say I'm a lot happier now that it's gone from my professional life.

Are you currently looking for a new place to live? Not really. I'm weighing options and hearing out opinions here and there, but given that I have no urgent need to have my own place yet, I haven't reached a point where I've done ocular visits.

When was the last time you ate/drank something gross just to be polite? Can't remember. I'd eat everything except for fruits lol.

Can you see any toys from where you’re sat? I have a massive Koya stuffed toy right in front of me - it was a gift from my sister for my birthday.

Last time you heard a growl, who or what did it come from? A couple of hours ago, from Cooper. He always lets out these playful growls whenever we play catch since he's always so impatient to get the damn toy in his mouth haha.

Does it bother you when you forget something that you should know? Sure.

What was the last thing you put off doing? Proofreading a script a teammate wrote. She did say she doesn't need feedback til tomorrow afternoon, but given that I like to do things as quickly as possible I'd still count it as being put off.

When did you last make up a baby’s bottle? Never.

What was the last thing you cooked? Idk the last thing I cooked but the last thing I ordered was a box of donuts and toasted siopao.

Do you eat your dinner at a dining table, coffee table or just off your lap? It varies. I'd eat anywhere at home.

When did you last see the sea? Last month when we visited Leah's beachside house for a team outing.

Which would you prefer as a view; mountains or the sea? Sea.

Do you have a mouse for your laptop? (Assuming you have a laptop) Nope.

Do you apologise a lot? Sure, especially at work.

Do you have any framed black & white photos in your home? Who are they of? No, they're all colored.

[literaticat]

My debut comes out in May and my publicists said it would be good to introduce myself to booksellers whenever I'm in a bookstore. This has gone well with my local indie, which already mostly knows me, but I attempted it at a different bookstore a few towns over and it was so awkward (someone there read and positively reviewed my book on Edelweiss but that person wasn't working and the person who was had never heard of me and did not seem interested at all). Do you have any suggestions for making this less painful in the future? Or should I stop introducing myself at all?

WITH LOVE, but: if you stop introducing yourself I swear I will find you and SMACK you. Is it embarrassing? Sure. Will some people be dum-dums who are not interested? Yes. You gotta get over it and get comfortable talking to strangers about your book. SORRY! But this will literally come up AGAIN AND AGAIN if you want to have a career as a writer, so getting used to it NOW will serve you well FOREVER. I promise!

As I said to somebody else a question or two ago: These people are in a position to support you for the rest of your career. Most great booksellers LOVE local authors. They LOVE finding great new books to champion. They WANT to support people they like. I can't TELL you how many times a new author has introduced themselves to me at the bookstore, and I've really enjoyed meeting them, and we end up being buddies and I recommend their books to everyone, and we do events and boost them for the next DECADE or whatever. Truly!

Most booksellers are super nice, and nerds. They love books! They love authors! Also, though, many have a touch of social anxiety and get approached by a lot of *randos* who say something like "I'm a writer!" and then hand them a stack of weirdly marked up Christian bibles, or some crayoned leaflets or something. So they might have their guard up.

For this reason I would suggest befriending booksellers as early as possible by just being a customer -- asking for recommendations, BUYING those recommendations, and coming back in to tell them how much you loved the recommendations? THAT is a customer we will die for, and so if you already are that customer, it is eaaaaaasy-peasy to get us to love and support your book.

But if you are going to stranger bookstores, I'd just suggest coming armed with some marketing material and bribery. An ARC if you have it. Bookmarks. Cookies with a postcard of your book on the top of the box. SOMEthing to indicate you really do have a REAL BOOK coming out from a REAL PUBLISHER that will probably be ON THEIR SHELVES. Ask at the desk for the kids person (if you write kids books), or the manager. Then say:

You: "Hi! My name is Jezabelle McWriterface, and my first book is coming out in May from Penguin Random House. I just wanted to introduce myself because I'm local, I love bookstores, and I wanted to be sure this book was on your radar!"

Them: "oh really, cool what's your book?"

You: "IT's a [category, like YA graphic novel, etc] about [VERY SHORT ELEVATOR PITCH OF THE BOOK] -- a cool thing is, [mention anything potentially relevant, like if the book is SET in the area, mention it!]

Them "that does sound pretty cool!"

You: "If you'd be OK with it, I'd love to include a link to YOUR store on my website for people to pre-order from, as I start to get the word out about my book -- and I'd be very happy to come in and sign stock when the time comes, or if you ever facilitate school visits or anything like that and need an author, I'm here!"

If you have some contact there, you could target your hit a bit -- so like, if you KNOW that Bookseller Elaine at this store wrote a lovely Edelweiss review, maybe call ahead and see if she's in that day, and come in with a thank-you note and some candies for her -- you are now old friends and can have a great conversation and you can leave some bookmarks and whatever. (Alternatively, if she's too far away or that feels too scary, you can write her a lovely note and enclose some bookmarks and snail mail it to the store, I'm sure she'd think it was a kind gesture, and now you have more of an "in" there.)

And keep track of ALL the bookstores and booksellers etc you contact along the way -- at a certain point, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but ONE day, your publisher will say "Hey, we are doing a special mailing of things for your next book! Are there any Bigmouth Booksellers or Librarians you especially want to make sure this gets to?" -- and look, you'll have a list of people who know who you are and are predisposed to be interested in your book. Wow!

[edhelwen1]

I posted 1,447 times in 2022

That's 468 more posts than 2021!

255 posts created (18%)

1,192 posts reblogged (82%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@spoonyglitteraunt

@sleepymccoy

@bixbythemartian

@holycatsandrabbits

@cassieoh

I tagged 1,377 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#art - 293 posts

#literally me - 289 posts

#guitar - 197 posts

#update - 196 posts

#learning - 193 posts

#my songs - 187 posts

#assassins! accidental matchmakers - 135 posts

#comic - 72 posts

#good omens - 58 posts

#pinkpiggy93 - 58 posts

Longest Tag: 131 characters

#he likes to hang out with siobhan and mei because they will each talk about their interests and never stop the others from doing it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Guitar update: in a groove

I played my songs today. I really love them.

I also tried to play the last book I was given for Christmas; Songs of the 2000s. This book is MASSIVE. Like... My music stand cannot handle its size. (Insert innuendo?) So I decided that I would not play it today.

I just didn't have the spoons.

I'll try again tomorrow.

I played more songs from my app.

I really need to learn how to do a bar. My fingers just don't want to, and so many chords require it.

Oh, I thought you might like to see my capo.

See the full post

32 notes - Posted January 5, 2022

#4

Book Cover Reveal!

I am beyond thrilled to introduce you to the book that my husband @ericdesmarais​ and I wrote last year (2021). Assassins! Accidental Matchmakers is an urban fantasy romance, and it will be available in bookstores (and e-bookstores) September 15, 2022!! You can pre-order it now. Here’s the link to its Goodreads page, in case that helps.

When we got the contract for the book, there was only one artist that I wanted for the cover. I was extremely nervous asking, but gathered my courage and I’m so glad I did.

We asked the incredible artist @pinkpiggy93​ to draw the cover for us, and we were absolutely blown away by her work. So much so that I’ve asked her to do the cover for the spin-off that I wrote that will be coming out in spring 2023.

Without further ado, here is the cover:

Summary: 

Kennedy Fairfield just graduated in the class of 2002, and is now trying to find her purpose in life, or at least a job in her field. When she saves Jason Johnson, the leader of a secret Community of supernatural people called Aetherborn, from an attempted assassination, they embark on a whirlwind epic romance and adventure.

For Kennedy and Jason to discover why people are disappearing in time to save her friends, they'll have to face teleporting assassins, grumpy wizards, gossiping hags, mafia robots, and secret military groups, all in the city of Westmeath, Ontario, which has more secrets than residents.

The first book of four in The Gates of Westmeath series.

I hope you’re as excited as I am about the upcoming release of this book! If you are, please share this post, pre-order it from your local bookstore, tell your libraries, and vote for it on the Goodreads lists!

Here are the links to pinkpiggy93's socials and Patreon:

- Instagram link: http://www.instagram.com/pinkpiggy93

- Tumblr link: https://pinkpiggy93.tumblr.com

- Patreon link: http://www.Patreon.com/pinkpiggy93

You can follow our blog JenEric Designs for further updates, and scroll through the tags for more information on the book. Feel free to AMA!

42 notes - Posted May 15, 2022

#3

Hello, my name is...

And I'm addicted to Heartstopper.

No, I don't want to be cured, thank you very much.

I made these hair clips.

Heartstopper leaves with Nick and Charlie's greeting.

See the full post

91 notes - Posted August 7, 2022

#2

Most meet-cutes don't include assassins. Most love stories don't involve becoming a superhero. Then again, Westmeath isn't like most cities.

Kennedy Fairfield just graduated in the class of 2002, and is now trying to find her purpose in life, or at least a job in her field. When she saves Jason Johnson, the leader of a secret Community of supernatural people called Aetherborn, from an attempted assassination, they embark on a whirlwind epic romance and adventure.

For Kennedy and Jason to discover why people are disappearing in time to save her friends, they'll have to face teleporting assassins, grumpy wizards, gossiping hags, mafia robots, and secret military groups, all in the city of Westmeath, Ontario, which has more secrets than residents.

The first book of four in The Gates of Westmeath series.

Physical copy: https://49thshelf.com/Books/A/Assassins!-Accidental-Matchmakers

Ebook: https://books2read.com/u/mv1e0z

Cover art by @pinkpiggy93

192 notes - Posted September 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

What's that book, next to The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood in Chapters, Indigo?

Oh, just the book Assassins! Accidental Matchmakers by me and my husband @ericdesmarais !!

You can get your copy here!! https://49thshelf.com/Books/A/Assassins!-Accidental-Matchmakers

Cover by @pinkpiggy93

197 notes - Posted September 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[call-me-oracle]

big reminder to go support your local comic book store!

i know that it might be inaccessible to some people based on geography, and of course, financial means. but i really think that if you can, it is absolutely worth it to visit and purchase and meet the owners, who will often share a lot of the same comic interests as you!

my sweet little story about my lcs, is that i went in yesterday to pick up some stuff from my pull list this week, and the owner was so very nice to me 🥺

i'd only visited this particular lcs a few times beforehand, as i struggle a lot with social anxiety and the feeling of being Perceived by other people. the idea of becoming a regular and routinely interacting with an employee who recognizes me, sort of terrifies me to my core. a lot of my comics are bought either online to be shipped to me, or at a local bookstore with excessive archives and a rotating group of staff that are guaranteed to either not care about me being there or to have a new person on shift every time i go.

but anyways, aside from that, i’d been to the store a few times, to look around and browse some of their trade paperbacks and their floppies. the second time, around the end of march, i’d mustered up the courage to ask the owner if she had any copies of green arrow #10 left from its release week. she said no, and that she had probably gotten a really small shipment of them, and sold out. of course at first, i was bummed out, cause i really wanted the issue. but i didn’t think much of it because i didn’t pre-order in advance, nor did i come in right on release day but instead, a few days after. it also wasn’t really her fault for selling out of something, and i was completely okay with that.

i didn’t think she remembered that interaction honestly until yesterday, when she asked me if i had been the one asking about green arrow #10. i was honestly pretty shocked because i had come in about two weeks prior to pre-order upcoming issues of the boy wonder miniseries, and she hasn’t mentioned it to me at all (and that was the first time i even introduced myself and told her my name). but she said she found it and was happy to give it to me, if i still wanted it.

it was such a great display of kindness and it’s really going to stick with me now, as i am almost certain i’m going to make this my regular lcs. i mean, not only did this wonderful owner keep this book in her memory for about 2 months, but she had remember that i was the one who asked for it, even when she didn’t know who i was or if i was going to be coming back to her store ! she looked so happy when i thanked her for it too, and it really just does feel great to support local and give to someone who clearly loves the comic medium and their customers.

[tolkien-feels]

Okay, so, I've watched the movies and I've read The Big Three, though I'm still a little shaky on my Silmarillion lore if I'm being honest. Where do I go from here if I want to read more Tolkien? Is there a commonly followed reading order? Should I just go by publication date? (Yes I am motivated to get into deeper lore because of your blog, that's why I'm asking you lmfao)

Oh hey! Happy to see my blog dragging people deeper down into the black hole of increasingly obscure Tolkien works!

I actually have a friend reading the Silm for the first time and I'm already making my little evil plans that can be summed up by "If she doesn't hate it, what can I tempt her to read next?" So I've been giving it a lot of thought lately, actually! Which is why this post ended up, uh, long.

I've taken the liberty of adapting this answer a little bit just in case I have any followers who have read fewer books than you have and find this useful. Hope you don't mind it!

The best way to read Tolkien depends a lot on what you enjoy. If you thought The Hobbit was too childish, don't read his stories for children. If your eyes glazed over when poems came up in LotR, don't pick a poetry book. If The Silmarillion drove you to tears, maybe wait before you get into the more scholarly works.

Availability is also something to consider. Maybe your local library has a few titles already, or you happen to find a good copy of something in a used bookstore, or there's a deal that saves you a lot of money. Alternatively, maybe you're set on reading something but can't find it. You might also fall in love with a story through fandom and want More Of It, or see a pretty edition that you just Must Own. These are all okay! See, the thing about Tolkien is that generally speaking, you can read his works in almost any order, so be open to changing your plans as stuff comes up in your life. I'd be willing to take a bet that the minority of fans read his stuff in any way that makes any sense lol

Personally, I think it makes sense to read in this sequence:

Read these first

The core stuff

The Hobbit

The Lord of the Rings

The Silmarillion

These are the Big Three, and you should probably get to them before you get to anything else.

The Silmarillion might take a couple of attempts to get through depending on how comfortable you are with the style, and I personally had to read it from cover to cover twice before I felt like I had a good grasp on it. @askmiddlearth has a pretty good guide that my friend who's reading it is finding really helpful.

Stories you already know: now with 200% more detail

Most other books won't be Silm levels of difficult, btw! But many assume you're familiar with it, simply because Hobbit-LotR-Silm are usually the ones most people read. So even if I otherwise follow a generally "easiest to hardest" logic, the Silm belongs here.

As an addendum, I would say the LotR appendices are a good bridge, stylistically speaking, to the Silmarillion.

The books in this category can be read in any order you feel like - you already know how they fit together.

Unfinished Tales

The Great Tales of Middle Earth, which is a series containing the following standalone books:

The Children of Hurin

Beren and Luthien

The Fall of Gondolin

Here you'll find mostly unfinished, often contradictory versions of stories you already know - but with lots of awesome detail that fandom tends to consider canon as much as we can.

These are books which contain both stories by Tolkien and commentary by his son Christopher, explaining his father's creative process and taking educated guesses as to how stories connect together and so on. It's a gentle introduction to more hardcore scholarship and if you can handle long tumblr meta I'm sure you can handle these.

Oh, and of these four books, Children of Hurin is the easiest to read by far, so maybe begin from that one. You might even read it before The Silmarillion and possibly before The Lord of the Rings (especially if you've watched the movies) - it's a pretty straightforward novel.

Read these in any order you want

I'm listing them in the order I think makes the most sense, but if you've read the books above you can just pick any section here according to your interest

Fairy tale essays, short poems, short stories and such things

The Adventures of Tom Bombadil and Other Verses from the Red Book

Farmer Giles of Ham

Tree and Leaf

Smith of Wootton Major

The Father Christmas Letters

Mr Bliss

Roverandom

Tales from the Perilous Realm

These aren't technically legendarium relevant but are delightful if you like fantasy. A lot (but not all) of these are very light reading and excellent to read to children who aren't ready for the actual legendarium yet, or to turn to as a break from heavier material.

I really wanted to make separate sections for children's literature and things that just happen to be fairy tales but immediately noticed I had no idea when a fairy tale becomes too grown up to be children's literature, so a single section it is

The Deep Lore™️

You know when Frodo inherits Bilbo's papers (and then Sam inherits Frodo's) and they have to make sense of it? That's what it's like reading HoME.

The History of Middle Earth series, or HoME for short.

(There are 12 books in this series. It's probably a terrible idea to read them out of order, so I won't even list them here)

Basically, these are nearly all the scraps of paper by Tolkien that could be found at the time, put together chronologically and presented with commentary. Here you can find answers to like 80% of the questions you might have after reading the other books, and then answers to a million other questions you didn't actually have.

This feels more like reading a library than a book series - whether this makes you want to read it more or less depends on your taste.

Also! Last year they released The Nature of Middle Earth, which is in the same vein as these but I haven't read it yet so I don't feel quite comfortable saying "Oh yeah this is when you should read it!"

Tolkien as a person: biography, letters and essays

JRR Tolkien: A Biography (by Humphrey Carpenter)

The Letters of JRR Tolkien

The Monsters and the Critics and Other Essays

I'm not the best person to ask about studying Tolkien as a person, but these are probably the most famous (and important) books.

The Letters also contain a lot of info about Middle Earth, so they might be worth taking a look even if you, like me, don't feel like reading tons of biographies.

For fans of all things medieval

The Fall of Arthur

Beowulf: A Translation and Commentary, together with Sellic Spell

Finn and Hengest: The Fragment and the Episode

The Legend of Sigurd and Gudrun

The Story of Kullervo

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, Pearl and Sir Orfeo

The Lay of Aotrou and Itroun

These are all translations, commentaries or deliberate imitations of actual medieval texts, as opposed to the ahistorical quasimedieval thing the legendarium has got going on. You probably shouldn't touch these if poetry scares you, though.

And that's it...?

Not really, no. There are other publications if you're a completist, but these are the major ones in every category I can think of. There should be some 30-40 books here anyway, so this should keep you busy for a while!

Note that I won't revisit this post to update it every time a new book is released, so for more recent books, use your best judgment!

[denkamis]

hc’s about falling in love with your childhood best friend.

masterlist.

warnings: swearing ig?? it’s fluffy, mainly. i tried to make it fairly gender neutral in terms of the reader. 

notes: hi uh these were supposed to be for the dekusquad but they ended up being SO much longer than i originally intended so i cut down on the characters ;-; i struggled with bakugou’s but his ended up being the longest??? idk man, hope you guys like it <3 these are seriously just drabbles in disguise

izuku midoriya

you met at an author meetup at the local bookstore. the book was a biography about all might, ofc you were bound to meet

you were in front of him in line and he shyly complimented you on the all might t-shirt you had worn

you two basically spent the entire time talking to each other about your favourite pro heroes as you waited in line

by the time you got to the front, you were so engrossed in your own conversations that both inko and your mom figured it would just be better to take you two home for a playdate instead 

since you were friends with midoriya, that meant bakugou was also in your little circle 

you stood up to him a couple times and always checked up on midoriya after kacchan’s tiny tantrums 

midoriya appreciated that, and you two were practically inseparable 

bakugou always accused you two of teaming up against him 

you would simply link arms with midoriya, tilt your chin up high and say that you were a full package deal. two peas in a pod. two halves of a whole, always 

midoriya’s face seemed to be permanently red that entire day 

you two were pretty dedicated in school, with you wanting to persue your top picks for high school. that meant that there were lots of study dates between you two 

during those study dates, midoriya couldn’t help if his gaze lingered on you just a bit more than his notes about quirk laws 

he realized he was in love with you when you had stayed after school to look for the notebook kacchan had burnt 

“you don’t have to do this, y/n. i can find it on my own… i don’t want to make to make you stay any longer.” 

“don’t say that, izuku. i don’t mind. besides, we always stick together and we will even after you get into ua!” 

“a- after i get in?” he spoke in a disbelief. everyone had doubted him, everyone had told him that he needed a quirk in order to get in but not you

you stayed. you supported him. you believed in him. 

he grabbed your hand on instinct, startling you. “i- i-” he began stuttering, eyes darting about as the feelings he hadn’t realized resurfaced

“thank you.” 

you gave him a gentle smile, chest feeling light as your hand encased in midoriya’s squeezed his own comfortingly 

“full package deal, remember?” 

he nodded, his smile jittery and shy. you giggled, blush dancing on your cheeks as you went on your next rant about how kamui woods could totally beat mount lady in a fight 

midoriya gripped the straps of his backpack, chest feeling light and his head feeling dizzy with all the new thoughts of you flooding his mind

oh yeah, he was definitely in love with you

shouto todoroki

you were his neighbour 

well, more accurately, your grandparents were his neighbours and you visited often 

your grandparents made you get the mail in the mornings and sometimes you would see him outside in the front yard with his mother. you would wave to him, and he would give a timid wave back after some encouragement from his mother 

you would play outside with your grandfather, flying your tiny kite and playing catch with him 

until you noticed there was a boy lingering near the fence separating the both of your houses 

he was watching the relationship you had with your grandfather curiously, almost as if there were a bit of envy in his eyes 

being the kind child that you were, you went over to him and passed the small ball between the rungs of the fence to him 

shouto was hesitant, but eventually took the ball from your inviting grip and tossed it back and forth between his hands testingly

this began a little game between you two 

he would toss the ball over the fence, and you would throw it back over to him

you didn’t quite understand why he couldn’t come on the other side of the fence to visit properly, but that was okay

you two would spend hours by the fence, sitting and talking you would give him tiny daisy chains made from the flowers in your grandma’s garden 

he wouldn’t tell you, but he kept each one you gave him on his windowsill 

he would compliment you a lot, too

not that he knew what that meant, he was simply stating facts to you 

“i like your hair. it’s very pretty.” 

“you’re very strong. you throw over the ball like it’s nothing.” 

“you want to become a hero? i think you would be the best one.” 

“your smile makes me want to smile, too.”

all of his words make your heart do somersaults

sometimes when you’re sitting with your backs to the fence, leaning up against each other, you feel the heat of his left hand ghosting your fingers. you don’t know why that made you feel shy, but it did

one day before you were supposed to go back home to your parents’ house, you went to go say goodbye to shouto 

he was sitting there normally, but his head was hung low so you couldn’t quite see his face 

as you approached him, you noticed that there was a bandage covering his left eye 

“sho?” 

he said nothing as you sat down 

“mom says i have to go now,” you tell him. he says nothing, again 

“um… are you okay?” 

an indiscernible noise comes from the small boy. you press your face right up against the one barrier separating you two. he looks up to see you worried. you didn’t like seeing him so upset

then an idea came to you

“before i go.. let me kiss it better.” 

shouto looked at you in bewilderment

“you’re not… afraid?” 

“no, why?” you asked in a confused manner, yet shouto remained hesitant 

“come here, please,” you asked of him, “before mom catches me kissing a boy.” 

pink dusting over his cheeks, he slowly crawled his way over to where you still kept your face against the fence. your gentle lips met the fabric of his bandage. the scent of something burnt catching in your nose as you did 

“you’ll come back?” shouto asked quietly. you nodded, promising him 

he nodded back in understanding, the tiniest of smiles appearing across his features 

“i’ll be waiting.”

katsuki bakugou

you had been in the same class since kindergarten, meaning that you knew him before he had his quirk 

even so, you thought he was pretty cool 

the reason for that? well, you weren’t exactly the most well liked kid in school. children were ruthless, and there was always a bottom of every social ladder between preschoolers

you got teased a lot. they pulled your hair, made fun of the way you cried, poked fun at the shoes and shirts you wore despite them being your favourite ones 

you were different. they didn’t like that 

the world seemed completely against you

during a colouring activity, the box of crayons you were holding was smacked out of your hands. your bottom lip quivered as the same boy taunted you to no end about how clumsy you were 

you simply bent over to pick them up before hearing another voice call out 

“oi, picking on small fries like that is lame.” 

looking to your left stood katsuki bakugou, looking bored and disinterested in helping you out. but your bully stopped in his tracks. being called lame?? by the great tiny katsuki bakugou?? 

no one had ever stood up for you like that 

even though he didn’t help you pick up your crayons, it felt like you had some type of ally in this class

slowly, you connected two and two together 

if you stayed around bakugou, no one could pick on you anymore! so you glued yourself to him practically every day 

at first, he found it annoying, but after seeing that you admired him up close, he liked the attention that feuled his ego, so he kept you around 

because you followed him around so much, you picked up a lot of things from him. he taught you how to defend yourself, and you taught him that some extras didn’t deserve as much attention as he was giving him. it was better to walk away sometimes

you ate lunch together, he came over to your house to play heroes and villains, he even showed you his secret all might poster collection. you were his person to talk to

he even had a katsuki bakugou™ nickname for you: small fry 

you two were quite the duo. bakugou went from simply tolerating you, to gradually beginning to care for you being around

and as you grew up with him, he caught himself beginning to admire the strong, gorgeous person you had become all on your own. it seemed he had developed a bit more than just a simple friendship bond with you

did he ever tell you that? fuck no 

you knew bakugou had always been rather… brash 

but you absolutely drew the line in the sand when he wouldn’t stop picking on midoriya for being quirkless. that one day where you walked into that classroom to meet bakugou and his group of friends only to see bakugou telling some green haired kid to jump off the building because he would never make it into ua without a quirk. he was different

bakugou turned to leave and he saw you standing in the doorway with a bit of an angry, hurt expression on his face

“small fry, thought you were never gonna show up.” 

“... lame.”

“hah? what did you say?” 

“i said it’s lame picking on small fries like that just because they’re different,” you spat at him. his eyes stayed fixated on you as you walked past him, helping the smaller boy off the floor and asking if he was okay 

normally, if it were anyone else, bakugou wouldn’t care. at all

but it was you

 you were different 

and all he did was act like he didn’t care. why? he didn’t know. but what he said to you that day came out rash and hurtful. you two had your fights before, but this had struck a chord with you. no one deserved to be treated like how you were back in preschool. that hurt

he didn’t realize how much you meant to him until you stopped inviting him over, you stopped eating lunch with him, you stopped texting and that bothered him 

the one person who he wanted to admire him didn’t anymore 

so it was a surprise to you that he waited for you to be finished your club after school to talk 

“small fry, listen. oi! i said listen up!” you kept walking, but he stopped you by grabbing your wrist 

“what? what is it? what can you possibly say to make things better? how could you treat people like that?” 

“come back.” 

“what?” 

“i said, fuck- come back, y’know, eat lunch with all the extras again.” 

“no.” 

the frustration showed true on bakugou’s features. his cheeks were turning red, you figured from the anger he was feeling towards you yet his voice dropped 

“i didn’t mean that shit back there. i was angry. fuck, i.. you want me to apologize or some shit, right. heard you small fries like that.” he shifted uncomfortably, his clammy hand still holding your wrist in a firm grip, as if you would walk away from him any moment now 

“sorry, or whatever.” he mumbled out in the smallest voice you had ever heard bakugou speak in 

your heart stopped as he looked at you with such sincerity. you held his gaze, eyes locked on his before you shook your head

“i don’t forgive you for saying what you said and doing what you did, but i do trust you. and i know that you’re better than that. you’re not lame. but if you seriously do that again, i’m not giving you any more chances.” 

relief came flooding back to bakugou at your words, but his face fired up almost instantly as you moved your hand so that your fingers intertwined with his 

“now c’mon, the new all might special is airing tonight, if we hurry we can still make it to my house.” 

“don’t speak so fucking loud! ... damn small fry.”

all works © denkamis 2021.

tags:

@meilbox

want to be on the taglist? see this post!

[partangel]

Hi! Would you mind sharing your experience with working at a library? Like what kind of questions do the ask at the interview, what do they value on your cv, what are your daily tasks there, stuff like that. I'm thinking about applying for my local library but since it's my first time applying for any job at all I don't know exactly what to prepare for! Thanks in advance and I hope that everything is going well for you <3

hi dear, of course! i hope my answer doesnt come as of too late! in terms of daily tasks i would say that the primary ones for a beginner bookseller will be getting comfortable with the sales part: working with the register, knowing the sales protocol, the policies, how to make a returnal or trade, how to open/close the cash register... that type of thing is fundamental! as a bookseller, youll be introduced to the ongoin campaigns of the bookstore, things you ought to recommend (new books that are being promoted for example), cross-selling and the way the books are stored: how to store them correctly, how to verify stock, how to label the book if it has, for example, a missing label or the price has been changed. its your duty to keep them tidy and in their right shelf - that type of thing! then you have the fundamental roles of approaching the clients and asking if they need help, recommend books, locate a book or a specific library section... id say for the most part, in the beginning, thatll be your job!

in terms of cvs... the place where i work does not accept cvs and i had to fill a form but my opinion on them is to not use a photograph (if it requires one, opt for a professional looking one). canvas has very good cv designs! it should have a simple yet appealing appearance and it should list your education and basic contact information, like email & phone number as well as your area of residence (not necessarily address) as well as any certifications you might have that are worth noting for the job. if you do not have any job experience you can always fill it by mentioning any volunteering experience you might have had or educational accomplishments. minimalism is always better - no one wants to read out 3 pages for a candidate! you can also make a simple headliner with a resume of how you see yourself and past experiences, listing soft skills you believe to have!

as for the interview... in my case the person who interviewed is also a bookseller (our boss) so its fundamental to show interest in the sales process if thats the case. an hr may not know exactly what is it that youre going to do, but if the person is working on the same thing they will know the difference. some of the questions i was asked were to tell a little about myself (try to give an overall view of achievements and past experiences that have made you grow in some way - i worked as a cashier and on a call center prior so i used that to mention my multitasking capacity, my adaptability, my ability to work under pressure, etc... you get the gist. if you do not have any work experience trade that for the education experience you do have. i was asked about how i handle stress, criticism and pressure. try to give an honest answer without undermining yourself. if youve never been in a stressful work situation you can always say exactly that "while i have not had an experience of that, i think that the most important thing is to know my limits, so as someone whod still be learning, i believe id ask for help to other coworkers who have more experience than i, in order to learn from them". you know.. that type of thing. the key is in being honest and showing genuine interest. everytime you have the possibility ask back - for example when asked about stress, you might ask what encompasses a stressful day on the job, how is the christmas season for example. how is a normal work day. ask and ask and show interest for both the job and the interviewer! i bonded quickly with the interviewer and at some point we were already chatting about the policies and what are the different struggles related to that. having that kind of chat, while perhaps boring, makes the person interviewing actively see you in the position. i was asked about the last books i had read - be honest about it, too. and also to do a role playing situation of a book sell (the interviewer let me read the synopsis first). it went terrible - i am deeply awkward. but then i counteracted that by showing interest in the book and asking how it would ideally be done.

its a matter of clicks and luck. its also about showing how you could fit in the work dynamic at hand. a good posture is a must. outfits are always deeply stressing but you should opt for something comfortable but that is not too flashy. i would opt for no makeup or really little. i wouldnt advise you to use formal attire if its not something you use regularly. a good posture is normally achieved by mimicking the interviewers posture. not in a way that shows, of course. things like where they keep their hands, or if they have their legs crossed. we show interest by leaning forward, so if you feel yourself leaning back, try to lean forward slightly. uncounsciously, it works in making the other feel heard, seen and engaged. by the time the interview is finished, you should have a sense if you got it or not. its highly unusual for you to not know. my boss still had an entire day of interviews ahead but i knew i had gotten it when we finished the interview talking about her vacation and she said she really liked to talk with me. i wished her a good rest and she told me shed be calling me soon, so i thanked her for the interview and the opportunity. i got the job when she came back from her vacation!

now when i talk about honesty, i really really really mean it. dont say anything you dont feel. youll be very nervous and its very difficult to match the content of what youre saying to the effect youre using when speaking. unconsciously, this causes a dissonance in the person listening to you, and theyll most likely get what is often called a "bad feeling". avoid saying you really liked the interview if it made you anxious and if you felt constricted. avoid selling a skill youre not sure you really have... you know. if a question strikes you and you do not know the answer say that, oh i dont know... and then ponder it truthfully! if you want to learn more about that i highly advise you to look up watzlawicks communication axioms!

i hope this somehow helps! let me know if you have any other question and also how it goes 🤍 good luck friend!

[this-is-spn20]

FLUFF ALPHABET! Sam Winchester!

A/N: Here’s Sammy boy! My small adorable baby! Let me know what you guys think about this! 

-Marissa

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A ctivities- What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Sam is a pretty laid-back man. When he sees a chance at relaxing with you, he snatches as quickly as possible. Whether it’s just walking or driving around towns, going to the local library (cause God knows the only book they have at the bunker are the Wizard of Oz books, and the men of letters’ books.), to looking up fun recipes to try with you. The man will always keep you occupied!

B eauty- What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Sam likes that despite you being very soft-spoken, you’re nowhere near dumb. You’re also very confident. Of course, you’ll still ask Sam what he thinks if you piece together a somewhat bold outfit. But you might as well call him Bruno Mars cause- well you know.

 I feel like if you are an artist of some sort, he might decide to pick up your art of choice as a hobby for when he has no research or hunts. Maybe if you draw, he’ll buy both of you sketchbooks and pencils. Or if you use a tablet he might buy you a better one. He’ll try doing simple drawings to start off with a tree or two. An eye here and there. He struggling and he’s probably gonna get a bit upset with himself if his skills don’t pick up like yours. But he’s trying really hard! If you like making music, he might ask you to play guitar. He might even ask you to teach him how to sing! But be patient, he can barely carry a tune but he’s so happy to learn! Might take him almost a year to get the hang of it, but once he does, he is an absolute Beast with some strings!

C omfort- How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Sam has anxiety himself so he knows the signs when one is coming on. He’s been around stressful things/people/events all his life. His father was abusive throughout his and Dean’s childhood. When he ran away to go to college, he had to learn to interact with new environments and people. In conclusion, the man KNOWS what anxiety is. And how to handle it. He’ll have you sit down and close your eyes. He won’t touch you just in case it makes you more nervous. He’ll breathe slowly with you, serving as a guide to get your bearings. Once you’ve slowed your breathing he knows you can’t hold anything so he gets you a glass of water with a straw and holds the glass for you. He knows you probably won’t want to eat anything so he just picks you up when you say he can, and brings you to bed, and reads you to sleep while holding you close. 

D reams- How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Sam knows for sure he wants to marry you. He also wants kids with you but the risk of being raised in the life he kept him up at night. Now don’t get him wrong, he knows that whatever happens, family will take care of it. They always do. But he’s not sure if that’s a risk worth taking. He just wants to have the apple pie life. He’d kill every monster with his bare hands just to have that with you. 

E qual- Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Sam is quite dominant in the relationship. He always takes care of everything for you. He doesn't buy into the stereotype that women should be doing everything for their partners. He tries to help you out with everything and he doesn't take no for an answer. You've known for a while that Sam's love language is Acts of Service. All he's done all his life is help people, so it just seeps into the relationship. Sure he believes that a relationship should be a healthy balance of 50\50, but at the same time, he can't help take over and take care of you. This man is just precious. 

F ight- Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Depending on what the fight was about Sam would be pretty open to forgiving you pretty quickly. However sweet Sam can be, if he believes that he has even a pinky toe to stand on in the fight, he’ll stick to it. It’s only when the shouting has gotten too much for you that you walk away that he may see where you’re coming from. Give him a or two. That way you both had time to cool down. You’ll spend the rest of the day talking it through, seeing each other’s perspectives. Even if you guys can’t agree with each other, you’ll know how to better handle the situation next time. 

G ratitude- How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Even though he mostly does mundane things for you, you try to help out as much as he’ll let you. For example, if you noticed that he has a lot of research to do, while he’s sleeping or is on a supply run, you’ll continue his research so that he’ll have more time to relax and let loose a bit more. You think he doesn’t notice but he does, and he appreciates it. It makes him feel like he hasn’t been ‘slacking off’, or that he hasn’t wasted too much time doing other things. Sometimes you’ll even finish the research and he’ll have nothing much to do for a while. Except relaxing with you of course!

H onesty- Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Sam doesn’t have to hide much from you. You’re a damn good hunter. He would even go as far as to say you were better than him and Dean. He knows damn well you can take care of yourself and that you don’t like being babied often. He knows your secrets as well as you know his. It takes a big weight off his shoulders, knowing he doesn’t have to hide who he is with you. 

I nspiration- Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

You were always an adventurous and carefree person. You always had a hard time balancing fun and work. Sometimes it got you into trouble. Sam noticed this when you two first met and as your relationship got more serious and tried to help you with the balence. By all means you aren’t magically better, but you’re learning. Sam on the other hand, had the same issue. The work and fun balance is a tricky one to master. You help Sam have more fun, like you he’s getting better at having more fun. But again it’s not going to happen overnight. Oh and you eat a salad of two once a month now!

J ealousy- Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

On the rare occasion the Sam gets extremely jealous, it's usually when someone tries to touch. Regardless of whether you let it happen (for fun) or not, he can’t help himself. He wants you all to himself. No Sharing!!

K iss- Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Sam is a very good kisser. He always kisses you like he hasn’t seen you in years. Most of the time his kisses are very rough but intimate. The first kiss was after four dates. Yes that’s a long time but you wanted to make sure you did this right with Sam. Plus he reassured you that he’d wait as long as you wanted to. You were sitting next to Sam in the Library doing some light research since most of it had gotten done earlier that week. The tension had been building up all week, you were finally ready to kiss Sam. Despite this not being your first kiss, you hadn’t kissed many people so understandably, you were nervous. You reached your arm over his and gently closed his laptop and angled your body toward his. You leaned over to him slowly, creeping your hand to his shoulder and finally your lips connected. Sam’s hand softly grabbed your hand on his shoulder and you both stayed like that until you both needed air. That was one of, if not, the most intimate moment you’ve had with Sam so far.

L ove Confession- How would they confess to their s/o?

Sam would be a bundle of nerves when he tries to confess. He’s tried to do it at least three times but each time he either got too nervous or something would interrupt him. Eventually settled for being simple, yet intimate. He had invited you to come to the library with him to sit and read for a while. It was about an hour and a half of you both being immersed in your own books that he told you he was going to the coffee shop in the bookstore to get a coffee. He got you your favorite drink. He had the barista give him a sharpie before they made your drink, then he wrote his message to you and bought you the drink when the order was done. You could see Sam was shaking and fidgeting but you couldn’t tell why.You figured you’d let him tell you when he’s ready. If only you know. You were only a few sips into your drink when you noticed some writing on the cup. Curious, you read the message which read; 

(Y/n), I have loved you from the best of times to the worst. Would you do the honor of going on a date with me?

-Sam

You sat up, a bit stunned. You looked at Sam to see him smiling shyly at you. You couldn’t do much but giggle and nod at the giant softie. 

M arriage- Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Marriage is something Sam and you have talked a lot about it. You two know you definitely want to get married but the question was when. You want to do it sooner rather than later. While Sam agrees, he also feels like that it should be a sign of both of you leaving life for good. Sam is a very nostalgic person, which means he’ll most likely recreate him asking you out and your first date. At the end of the night he’d get down on one knee and before he gets to say one word you burst into tears. When he finishes his speech, you of course say yes and the night continues...elsewhere. 

N icknames- What do they call their s/o?

Sugar is used more often than not. Baby and babygirl are pretty prevalent. Honey Bunch is used less but when he does call you that usually puppy dog eyes are shortly behind. 

O n Cloud Nine- What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

When Sam is in love it’s less obvious to everyone, but if they know Sam, they’ll notice the little things. Things like Sam now has permanent smile lines and his shoulders don’t hold so much tension anymore. If you didn’t come on a hunt with him and Dean he always has Dean stop off to get a bouquet of flowers. Of course he gets shit from Dean but he still does it everytime cause he is a good big brother.

P DA- Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

While Sam will let anyone know that you’re together (if need be), he’s pretty subtle about it. There is the subtle hand on your thigh or around your waist. Maybe a little quick forehead kiss but other than that unless they knew you, someone wouldn’t be able to guess you two are together. 

Q uirk- Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Sam has this really deep, rich, raspy type of voice. That makes him the BEST narrator ever! He often reads you to sleep when you two spend a lazy night in or if you have a nightmare. He’s there with a book you’ve been reading and he reads you a chapter or two before you’re out like a light. 

R omance- How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Sam is the KING of romance. When he plans something for you, he goes all out! When it comes to making you happy, he’ll do whatever it takes. There are almost no limits to his love. He lives by the term “Happy Wife, Happy Life.”. Sam is pretty nostalgic so he’ll be cliche, but he’ll be creative and add his own twist to it! So you could say he’s pretty creative. 

S upport- Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Sam loves learning about your goals and helping you achieve them. If you have 5 different goals, he's all there for you, helping you learn ways to achieve them quicker. If you want to. If you feel like those goals are impossible to reach, he’s there to help you see nothing’s impossible.

T hrill- Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

While Sam likes to have a solid routine, he tries to keep things *spicy* when it comes to your relationship. Whether it's something mundane or outrageous, you and Sam try your best to keep things fun for the both of you. 

U nderstanding- How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

You and Sam know each other so well it's gotten to the point where if you or him need something, you know what’s needed and how much before the other even opened their mouth. When this happens, Dean just kinda stares at the both of you with a “what the actual fuck?’ look. 

Sam: *sees you walking into the kitchen* Hey babe we-

Y/N: We need to get some milk today. You wanna leave at 11?

Sam: *goes back to drinking his coffee* Yep.

Dean: *freaking the fuck out*

V alue- How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Sam knew from the first date that his life would be in your hands. He trusts you with everything he has. What’s your relationship worth to him? More than any diamonds, jewels, or power. Nothing can ever be worth more than you. 

W ild Card-  A random Fluff Headcanon.

Sam took you to an event at a bar one night for a date. The theme that night was ‘50’s and 60’s dance night!’ He bought you a dress that would be worn in that era and he wore his brand new tux he bought, just for tonight. Just for you. Your feet were screaming in your heels but you and Sam were having too much fun to leave the dance floor. When you guys got home that night Sam gave you the BEST foot rub ever. 

X OXO- Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

In private, Sam will smother you with kisses and cuddles. The man can almost never let you go. The poor touch starved baby.

Y earning- How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Sam likes to log in to your Spotify, he knows most likely wherever you are, you’re listening to your music. He likes to listen to your playlists with you. It makes him feel closer to you. 

(He’ll never admit it but you have better taste in music than him.) 

Z eal- Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

It’ll be a close call but if he had to choose to save Dean or you, he’d choose you. It’d break him for a while, but he knows his brother wants him to have the apple pie life with you. And in the end, he’d always do it. No matter how hard it’d be for him and you every time, he wouldn’t change a thing. 

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A/N: Thank you guys for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Requests are always open!

Spread Love!

-Marissa

[libraryofnesta]

Tied to Ruin

ao3 link

Summary:

Cassian and Nesta were lovers, partners in crime. They did everything together. That is until tragedy strikes, causing Nesta to run away, far from everything she once knew.

Over five years later, Nesta is living life to as full as it can get. It’s not until an incident occurs that drags her into far more than she bargained for.

Notes:

thanks so much for reading. i'm a huge hoe for exes to lovers, so i have like 20 ideas in my head, and this is one of them. It's multichapter. i'm not sure how long this is gonna be, but definitely over ten chapter. this fic has two timelines. One will show them from when they're kids to teens, and one while they're adults. Both will occur at the same time, so things will start to unravel as you read.btw! velaris is gonna be like a super small town in new york. like no one knows about it.

TW: implied domestic violence, nothing graphic.

Chapter 1: lonely beds, different cities

Words, how little they mean

When you're a little too late

I stood right by the tracks

Your face in a locket

Good girls, hopeful they'll be and long they will wait

-

Sad Beautiful Tragic

Taylor Swift

2016, Small Town Velaris

“Please,” she whispers, voice hoarse. Nesta is practically begging at this point, but she has nothing else to relent to. “We can get out of here.” She swallows hard when he doesn’t reply. “We’re still young Cassian, we can still-”

“Nesta.” He says. It's one word, but it makes her pause. He rarely calls her Nesta. It’s always ‘Nes’ or ‘Sweetheart.’

“I can’t.”

Their lives have changed so drastically over the past few weeks. Nesta’s whole childhood is here. Everything she’s ever known. She’s not sure how much more of it she can handle now.

She’s well aware of the tears streaming down her face. Nesta doesn’t know what she can say to convince him, so she says the one thing that she’s been repeating over and over.

“You can…”

Cassian’s face seems to harden. The look he gives her makes her take a step back. He hasn’t looked at her like that in years. “Go ahead and leave Nesta.”, he says, voice rising. “Go live that picture perfect you always wanted. I won’t stop you.”

“Not everyone wants what you do.”

2021 New York, Manhattan

Something about leaving Valkyrians still makes her feel at odds. She’s not as resistant to the sight of blood anymore, and she’s not sure if she can ride a motorcycle as well as she used to. There are still parts that linger though. She still remembers how to throw a punch. A damn good one too. She still feels uneasy when someone walks in the same direction for too long though. It might be the worst part of it all.

Nesta doesn’t do much for fun.  She doesn’t dance as much as she likes. The amount of books she reads has decreased. Her days consist of work and eating, even though she skips more meals than she should. But she’s free. That’s what really matters, doesn’t it?

The muscles in Nesta’s body ache. She just finished a seven hour shift, and got a promotion that pays much better. Nesta wants to celebrate. She wants to talk to someone. It’s been so long since she’s talked to anyone. The fear of someone finding out about her past is lodged so deep in her head it caused her to isolate. The simple way of putting it is she has no friends.

Coworkers are the only source of non-work related conversation she engages in. It’s always small talk too. Just as Nesta is about to fall asleep, she rubs her eyes and forces herself to stay awake. Getting up from the lumpy couch, Nesta walks to her cabinet, grabbing a random mug and pouring wine into it. Once she gets a better look at the mug, she can’t help but scoff.

It’s ironic. Complaining about being lonely. It’s almost like she chose loneliness. She loves the quiet. When she was younger, all she wanted was alone time. She dreads it now. Nesta gets up after finishing her glass.  She’s a bit drowsy, and is way too tired to walk all the way to her room. Instead Nesta walks back over to her couch. She lies horizontally, staring into the abyss until she eventually falls asleep.

She dreams of seeing him that night. It’s a regular occurrence. It’s lessened over the years, but never fully disappeared. The image of him is blurry. It’s not as precise as it used to be. She hates still thinking of him. It doesn’t stop her from reminiscing a little though.

Her being upset makes sense of course. They’d known each other for over ten years, hating one another at first. Eventually, he began to grow on her. Their bickering had become playful, before they once again became estranged.

“Cassian?”

The figure turns around, and he knocks the wind out of her. His hair is out of it’s usual bun.  He gives her that familiar boyish smile, walking towards her and putting an arm on her.

“Missed me Sweetheart?”, he says, ruffling her hair a bit. Nesta scrunches her nose in response.

“You wish.”

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah yeah whatever.” He talks for a while. Nesta’s barely paying attention. It’s just nice to hear his voice again. He asks her what she’s reading, and she replies the same every time. It’s silent after a while. They’ve talked themselves out. It’s a nice silence though. Her favorite silence.

Cassian stares at her for a few seconds, giving her a soft smile and pushing a loose hair behind her ear.

“Come back,” he whispers.

Her breath stutters. “It’s been five years, Cass,” she mutters, breaking eye contact. Her eyes flicker between the ground and his face, gauging his reaction.

He doesn’t stop looking at her.

“I didn’t want to leave,” said Nesta. There’s a lump in her throat.

He scrubs a hand over his face. “Yet here we are.”

“You know why I left.”

Her eyes feel like they’re beginning to water. “I asked you to come with me. You’re the one who didn’t.”

Cassian looks to the side. He looks impassive, yet also emotionless. “You’re the one who ran away, Nesta.”

“I didn’t run away.”

He scoffs in response. “Keep telling yourself that.” Cassian starts walking away. It’s cloudy and has no solid ground or sky. At that moment she remembers where she really is. Nesta stands there, waiting until he fully fades away. It always feels too real.

The dreams always end like that.

Nesta can barely pry her eyes open when she wakes up. She has the next two weeks off. Her boss, Helion, had insisted she take a week or two off, since the bar was under a small renovation. She checks her phone and it reads 12:03. Jesus, she really had overslept.

In all honesty Nesta had no idea what to do with her free time. Maybe she’ll finally finish that book she started months ago. But in reality Nesta knows all she’ll do is go to a bar and let a stranger fuck her into oblivion until she kicks them out or leaves.

By the time Nesta leaves her house it’s around 3:00.  She goes to the coffee shop next door. She orders a coffee and sits in the corner of the room. Nesta somehow feels like the center of attention. It’s an empty shop, but it feels like all eyes on her. The room feels too cold.

The feeling follows her when she goes to the local bookstore. It’s crowded, but the area is quiet. Nesta browses through the shelves, sticking to the romance section. She holds a few books. It’s not until Nesta drops one, people begin to look at her. It makes a loud thump hitting the floor. Several pairs of eyes turn to her. The cover is of a shirtless man too.

Fuck , she thinks, This is embarrassing. Nesta purses her lips, hand curling into a fist as she puts the book back on it’s shelf.

It’s around 5:00 when she takes the train home. Nesta spent the rest of her day at the park, not wanting to stay at home. It doesn’t feel like home as much as she’d like it to though. Finally, Nesta makes it home.

She’s in an empty parking lot. The area she lives in is pretty small.  Nesta knows basically everyone in her apartment complex. It’s a tiny place. She never talks to anyone, but they do acknowledge each other. Barely anyone has a car either, herself included. So it is a bit weird to see an unrecognizable car. It’s odd, but Nesta thinks nothing of it. It’s probably just someone visiting.

Nesta goes into her apartment, before leaving once more to go to the bar that’s the second closest to her apartment. She’s usually working at this time, flirting with customers and taking them home when her shift ends.

The bar is crowded and loud. Lights are flashing, voices yelling, bodies moving. It’s out of her comfort zone. She’s been doing this for years and is still isn’t used to it. She sits on one of the stools where the drinks are served. A girl approaches her. Nesta never approaches anyone. She can’t see clearly in the light. The girl’s hair is brunette, though her roots are dark. Her brown skin illuminates in the flickering light.

“Hey”, she says “I’m Nora” Nora extends her hand to her. Nesta smirks in response, resting her elbow on the counter grasping her hand with the other.

“I’m Mila,” she says. No matter what she does, Nesta will never use her real name. Nora’s eyebrows raise. Nesta can see her lick tongue move as it pushes on her skin.

“Pretty name.”

They talk for around five minutes. It’s all small talk. They drink while they talk. Most of the things she responds with are lies anyways. Nora grasp’s her arm with her hand. “Wanna get out of here?” she asks. Her words are slurred, and Nesta has to restrain herself from flinching.

Something in her head tells her not to let anyone in her house though. Something is wrong, but she can’t put her mind on it. The idea of letting a stranger in her house sends goosebumps across her arms. Before, she’d never question it twice. Now that she thinks of it, doing this practically screams stranger danger. Especially with her past, this person could be anyone. Nesta slowly probes herself from the girl.

“I’ve gotta go”, she says. “Sorry, but there's something I need to do.” The girl doesn't seem to mind, either too drunk to care, or only looking for a one night stand. She nods, before introducing herself to someone else. Nesta feels her chest lighten, exiting the crowded bar to call an uber.

Whenever it’s quiet, she always reminisces.

2006, Small Town Velaris

Nesta wakes up and finds herself stranded. She has no idea where she is. She’s lying in a bed inside a mostly empty room. There’s only a few pieces of furniture, a stool and a drawer. It’s relatively small.  The last thing she remembers is being in a car with her sisters and parents. She hears voices outside of the room yelling.

“You expect me to leave-”

“Her father is-”

“She’s nine what would she-”

“So what if she’s young!”

“-s innocent so what if-”

She hears a loud smack. The silence after is deafening. The voices are quiet after, whispers. Afterwards, Nesta hears footsteps approaching. She scrunches her eyes shut, trying to pretend to be asleep. Nesta hears the door open and close. A hand lays on her forehead. As the person removes it, a calming voice talks. “Are you awake?” Nesta slowly looks at the person, opening only one eye, then another. She sees a woman with black hair and tan skin. Her cheeks are flushed and she has a small smile on her face.

The woman squats down so she’s the same height as the bed Nesta is laying on. “Hi,” the woman whispers, voice solemn and comforting. “My names Aurora,” she says. Nesta squishes her lips together. She’s confused and feels like crying. Nesta doesn’t cry though. She’s pretty sure her eyes water though, because Aurora strokes her hair and whispers, “It’s okay to cry.”

Nesta gasps and shakes her head. “Mommy says I’m not supposed to cry.” Aurora seems to be shocked silent. The silence makes Nesta become aware of everything that is happening. She slowly sits up. Once her feet are off the bed, Nesta quickly sprints to the door, opening it and running out. She has no idea where she’s going.

Suddenly, Nesta is hit with a hard impact, and falls down on her butt. She looks up and sees two boys. They’re both around the same height. They have the same dark hair too, except one is longer than the other. Nesta gets up and brushes off the dust on her leggings.

She notices it then. The leggings. She’s never worn pants before.

It’s also when she notices the juice smeared across one of the boy's shirts. It’s the long haired one’s. He drops the red cup to the ground and makes an angry noise. “That was my favorite shirt.”

Nesta feels sheepish as she whispers a quiet, “Sorry.”

The one with longer hair whispers to the other boy, obviously meaning for her to hear too. “She’s probably not even double digits.” The other boy is quiet, looking at the ground. He seems nervous and shy.

Nesta feels a sense of outrage course through her. She pouts, crossing her arms. “I’m almost ten. I’m nine and a half” The boy crosses his arms too.

“Well I’m ten and a half,” he says.

“Cassian,” Aurora scolds. “Play nice.” She puts a hand on Nesta’s shoulder and bends down. “I need to talk to…” She doesn’t continue.

Nesta turns towards her, and realizes she needs her name. “Nesta,” she says.

Aurora smiles, “That’s a wonderful name.”

Cassian still seems angry. “I think it’s stupid.” Aurora sighs and gets up. “Azriel”, she says to the other boy. He hadn’t talked the whole time, Nesta almost forgot he was there. “Make sure he stays out of trouble. And Cassian, please change your shirt.” The two (stupid) boys walk away. Once they’re from a far enough distance, Aurora looks back down at her. “I have to talk to you about something.”

2021 New York, Manhattan

Nesta walks into her apartment tired and half asleep. Once inside her apartment, she changes into more comfortable clothes, sweatpants and a grey t-shirt.

Nesta’s about to go to bed, until she hears the sound of glass shattering and liquid spilling. She freezes, thinking about the mug of wine she left out.  

No.

Nesta scrambles towards the kitchen and grabs a flashlight from a cabinet, flashing the light to the ground. The mug is shattered to pieces, and she can still see little droplets of wine. The words aren’t visible anymore, letters broken and unreadable.

There’s no way it could’ve fallen on its own. It was in the middle of her counter. Unless...

Suddenly it all makes sense. The unrecognizable car in the parking lot. The uneasy feeling in her stomach. The constant nagging in her head, telling her that something is wrong.

She thinks about calling the police but goes against it. Years in a fucking biker gang taught her better then to trust those scumbags.

She always kept a gun in her house. Just in case. She really hates how no matter what she does. she’ll always be connected to this.

The person inside her apartment most definitely knows where she is. Nesta grabs a broom, sweeping the glass shards into an empty bag. She can fix it later. Tying it up, Nesta leaves it on her counter.

There's a wall blocking the entrance to her bathroom. She walks towards it, opening and closing the door so it seems she went inside. Grabbing her gun from the small drawer, Nesta lays her back against the wall, barely peeking out the wall, but just enough so she can see them as they crawl out from behind her couch.

The figure moves stealthily, back turned towards her. If she weren’t directly staring at it, there would be no way of knowing it was there. The moves look familiar, but she can’t put her mind on it. The moonlight shines on them so she can see the most obvious features. It’s not until the floor creaks the figure turns towards her direction. Nesta turns back to face her bathroom door, hands drawn to tight fists. There’s no way they hadn’t seen her. She moved too slow. Nesta peeks her head out to look again.

It’s not until she sees a familiar pair of scarred hands in the moonlight, it all comes together.

“Azriel Night?”

In dreams

I meet you in warm conversation

We both wake

In lonely beds

In different cities

And time

Is taking its sweet time erasing you

And you've got your demons

And darlin' they all look like me

PSA!! go to ask’s to be added to tag list

[literaticat]

My publisher is setting up school visits for me to coincide with the publication of my book. These are unpaid events. Are these a good use of my time? I mean, if I visit a classroom, does that actually do anything to increase sales of my book? I understand that some authors supplement their income with school visits, but this, as I said, isn't that. It's me visiting local schools for free. I'm not good at public speaking and have limited time, so I want to make sure this is helping my career.

So sometimes, particularly for MG books (but sometimes others), publishers will set up school visits to coincide with launch-adjacent events. For example, if they are having a night-time event at a bookstore, they might have the bookstore also host a daytime event at a school. And when you see authors are "on tour" the week their book comes out, they are often not just going from place to place doing the one public event in the evenings -- they are often doing events at schools during the day.

These events are promotional, and as you say, different from the school visits that authors charge for. In these cases where the publisher sets it up, the author is not getting paid, but also, the school is not paying -- the publisher is facilitating this (with the help of the host bookstore, usually) -- because having hundreds of kids all of a sudden know your name and your book can be AMAZING for sales. The very best school visits are ones where the teachers have prepared the kids ahead of time -- reading the book to them, talking about the book, whatever, and send an order form home -- some schools sell a lot of books. Some schools are not well-prepared and don't sell a lot of books. But EVEN THOSE ONES are worth doing, in my opinion.

Meeting authors IRL is a *huge deal* for kids, it really makes an impression. And kids are vectors, right? Just like their gross little germs get everywhere -- so do viral *ideas*. A couple of them love your book and all of a sudden they all wanna read it, and their cousin at some other school wants to read it, and etc etc. This is how word-of-mouth gets started.

I mean I guess if you really know you don't like kids much and hate public speaking and have nothing to say, it will probably not be a great promotional opportunity. But I'd urge you to TRY and make it work if you at all can; at the VERY least, it will be a learning experience for you and an opportunity to get over your fear -- it's extremely useful for an author to be able to do a little talk on short notice, and this is a time to practice.

Maybe ask your publicist more about it and for advice. "I've never done a school visit and I'm a little scared of public speaking -- how can I best prepare for this / what can I expect / help?"