#I might really pour all of my thoughts for them in another post but rn here we are

[justanothershippingcan]

Honestly, the Kayegama siblings really scored in terms of romance. They both got themselves an enemies-to-friends-to-lovers plot line with a (loaded) fair-haired extrovert with questionable fashion sense (Monkey Shirt + can we talk about how ugly Shou's shirt was at the end of S2Ep13 pls), family issues (afaik we know little about Teru but listen poor boy is 14 and lives alone), absolute way of delivering very straight lines ("they're looking at you because you really are cool/handsome"?? "THAT MAID OUTFIT LOOKS PRETTY GOOD ON YOU"???) and a trust on their respective Kageyama that's never-ending. Not to mention how both of them find themselves starstruck by the respective Kageyama's fighting abilities (after being beaten up or having beaten him up respectively) and keep stating how admirable they are/how much potential they have.

Bonus point for both Teru and Shou becoming acquianted with Ritsu and Shigeo throughout the series and still calling them "Younger brother" and "Ritsu's brother" respectively, because... yes.

It's brilliant and Shigeo and Ritsu don't deserve anything less actually. Good for them.

[pies-writes-and-more]

drunk haikyuu boys singing to you

Synopsis: how some haikyuu boys sing to you while they’re just slightly drunk

Characters: Sugawara, Ushijima, Bokuto, Kenma, Yamaguchi, & Kageyama - all with a Fem!Reader

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, some swearing probably, mention of a suggestive song (but nothing specific!). All characters in this fic are assumed to be of legal drinking age :)

Haikyuu Masterlist

Sugawara will literally sing to you anywhere anytime. Backup dancers no backup dancers, stage or no stage, drunk or not drunk. He is READY.

He’s definitely embarrassed you in the park before, singing to you at the top of his lungs some adorable little song that he’s now obsessed with. He has a really great voice but omg Suga please shush, people are staring at you.

But drunk Suga? Oh that boy is going to SERENADE the shit out of you. It probably won’t even be a romantic song to be honest. He’s probably singing some really suggestive song at you, winking with both eyes because he’s very tipsy (“m not drunk Daichi, I can totally handle another shot if you would jus gimme”).

He’s basically scream-singing because the music at the club is loud so it’s a lot of dance moves and hand gestures too. Tries to grind on you but again, had a few drinks, so he’s kinda just flopping around lol.

Has Daichi and Asahi singing backup for him even though Asahi doesn’t really know what the lyrics are so he’s just nodding and humming along (cut to his :O face when he realizes how suggestive the song is).

Ushijima doesn’t sing out loud in public sorry. But after a couple of shots that Tendo just keeps pouring for him, he’ll happily sit somewhere in the pub with you on his lap. His lips will continuously press kisses to your forehead and you can hear him softly hum or whisper the lyrics of the love song that just came on the speakers.

He’ll brush the hair away from your ear so he can continue softly humming to you with each kiss, smiling cause you’re so embarrassed but you’re also loving it??? And he loves you and just wants to tell you that. He might not be the greatest at words but this song seems to be lovely and has a good melody so he gonna at least hum it to you, singing out the parts that he really connects with.

You’re not even really sure if he remembers it in the morning cause you can’t really? tell? when he’s drunk? He becomes slightly more okay with PDA and his cheeks go a nice red but like tipsy vs drunk you got no clue.

But you catch him humming the song again later the next day and he catches your eye and gives you that smile again and like ugh butterflies.

Bokuto is has been preparing for this FOR AGES. He’s already thrown back a few shots but serenading you has been like a dream of his for AGES. So the shots are just adding to his confidence. Once they announce the start of karaoke, he is ALREADY on the stage.

Akaashi is ike sir please no just come back here and don’t embarrass us, but Bokuto is insistent because he is the best at everything so why would he not do it??

Gets on stage and picks some like very dramatic song, (if you’re a Brooklyn99 fan, imagine how Gina is dancing to Beautiful by Christina Aguilera to those teenagers cause that’s what I’m imagining rn lol) and at the beginning of the music, he just pulls the mic off of the stand like some cocky pop star, looks you dead in the eye and points at you saying, “This one is for you, hot stuff”.

You’re just hiding behind your fingers but like peeking through them because as entertaining as this is, you can also feel everyone staring at you and that is just a no thank you.

Akaashi is filming it and sends it to the group chat so everyone can laugh with him at how confident Bokuto is. But also like ??? Bokuto has a good voice and the team has only ever heard him singing in the locker rooms (but most of the time that’s like speak-singing? if that makes sense?) whereas right now he’s going full out because he loves you.

Kenma like Ushijima really doesn’t want to sing out in public. You might catch him humming along to his game’s music but karaoke? ya no sorry. Not unless it’s just the two of you in a private karaoke room, then maybe he’ll quietly sing along.

But the two of you are just chilling in a pub, watching some other volleyball players play a version of Never Have I Ever that’s about their volleyball teams (“Never has my teammates gotten a penalty for screaming at each other.” “Kuroo you ass.” “Not my fault, drink up Daichi, and all you Karasuno boys too.”)

Kenma had had a few drinks and was feeling pretty mellow. He felt like he could fall asleep right here with you in his arms but he was just nodding his head off to the music.

Then you started humming and quietly singing along to the music and he recognized it as something you had sung along to at home too. It gets to the part where the lyrics say something like “baby you’re everything to me”, and Kenma sings it with you.

You look up at him in surprise cause you honestly thought he was sleeping, but his eyes are wide open now, looking at you with literally all the love in the world.

Yamaguchi has literally the prettiest voice in the world and you cannot change my mind. He sings to you all the time at home, dancing with you in the kitchen while you’re trying not to burn dinner, or in the car while you two are singing at the tops of your lungs, but he’s never done it in public before. Cause that shit scary.

But after a few drinks warm his whole body, he’s smiling at you with closed eyes, swaying to the music.

“Are you okay, Yams?” You laugh, brushing your fingers through his hair and he just nods and holds your hand to his face while he half hums, half sings some of the lyrics to you.

“Holy shit, Yamaguchi can SING?” The Karasuno boys would go crazy. Cue Sugawara asking the owner of the establishment you guys are at to play a specific song he knows that Yamaguchi loves. All of them crowding around you guys like some acappella group, singing along with Yamaguchi.

You’re just like oh my god what is wrong with you all but like it’s the cutest thing ever. You filmed it. Posted it on your Insta.

Yamaguchi is famous now because girls are DYING over his voice and how he looks at you when he sings. He is very embarrassed but likes that you were so proud of him that you posted about him because this boi insecure please go love him the way he deserves.

When I think of Kageyama drunk, I’m thinking of his little dance before the meat BBQ scene at training camp LOL (note the gif above). This boy is dancing very awkwardly but he moving because he happy. But also like singing? Um no, he’s nervous thank you very much. He doesn’t really hum or sing in general so drunk Kageyama isn’t much different but if he hears you singing??? He starts giving you puppy eyes because he loves your voice so much. So you start singing to him and he’s nodding along with a little smile on his face. And then he starts singing too? At first it’s more like speak-singing but then he gets really into it (while also dancing very awkwardly) and he has???? such a nice??? voice???? like sir??? Why have you spent so much time yelling at Hinata when you could be singing?

He’ll like pinch your cheeks a little while he’s singing to you and is all red-faced because a) drunk and b) his inner self is like omg this is embarrassing please stop but he loves you so much he can’t help himself.  

** ** ** ** ** **

As usual, reblogs, comments, and likes and any sort of feedback are all appreciated! :)

Taglist (please let me know if you’d like to be added to a permanent Haikyuu taglist!) @aurumk​ (just cause I told you I was writing this and I know you were excited for it haha)

[get-shiggy-with-it]

Pairing: Tomura Shigaraki x gender neutral!reader

Word Count: 0.7k

Warnings: allusions to having a hard life, just two villains in love y’all, reminiscing, nothing else really, just a lot of storm metaphors and loving shiggy

Do I have a collab piece to work on rn? Of course. I am I feeling unmotivated and burn out? Absolutely.

Anyway, I saw another post somewhere about different versions of ourselves walking around in other timelines without any of our baggage and what kind of people they’d be. 

And because Shigaraki deserves better, I feel like that fits him very well.  Also it stormed here last night and I couldn’t help but think of simpler times ya know? Back when I held more hands. Idk man, sometimes I just think about how my best friend’s birthday is still my phone passcode and I wish I could relive the joy of everything that leads up to that kind of love. 

Have some soft shiggy:

He is asleep and you watch each breath that rattles past his lips, afraid to look away. Afraid they may stop, that his ribs will cease to creak and life will no longer flood his lungs. Afraid he will slip away from you in dreams where you cannot follow. Afraid of being left behind. 

So you watch. 

And while you watch, you think. 

Your thoughts are many and scattered like apple blossom petals in a gale:

Storms like the one raging outside as Tomura sleeps, and you watch and try to pick out the familiar rasp between thunder claps. 

Memories of hands, small and chubby with childhood. Of feet that stumbled and rushed through fields during downpours. Of fat raindrops that hit your skin hard enough to bruise. 

Scraped knees bleeding sweetly into summer grass that bled too. Green streaks on your hands, on your face and clothes. Tumbling down, down, down, only to rise and run again—such a familiar burn, but then it was ripe with innocence and laughter bubbled from you instead of screaming. 

Your thoughts scramble like rats under sudden light as thunder booms again and shakes the walls. Tomura doesn’t wake, but something in you does. Something that is rattled loose by the lighting strikes and the driving storm. 

Someone told you once, ages ago—in another life, an easier one—that the thunder roaring was really the sound of cannon balls rolling across the deck of a ship sailing across the sky-sea. That if you counted between the strikes you would know how far away the storm was. 

While cannon balls rolled and the sky poured down angry, grey sheets of water across the city, you wondered if Tomura had been told the same. Or if there were other strange explanations for the waves of cracking sound that rumbled in your chest and made you ache for times when life was nothing more than  creek walks on hot days or chocolate melting in your pocket. 

When your mind was too small to understand the intricate and often unfair complexities of human existence. When toothpaste spontaneously generated in bathroom drawers and seashells hid secret pathways to the shoreline inside them. 

Tomura stirred next to you, his hair splayed out in a thin, silvery halo around his head. It suited him better than any gold. If he were a royal, and you his knight errant, you imagined he’d be bathed in sterling—stark and sharp and painful in his beauty.  

You try to think of him before. 

Before you knew him. 

Before he was Tomura. 

You’ve never asked and you’re not sure he’d ever tell you, but you like to think that maybe he was happy. 

Maybe he played, running through rolling hills and lush fields with wild honeysuckle to nibble the nectar from on warm nights when the sun set late and cicadas cried in the treetops. Maybe he wrapped his clumsy fingers around shiny rocks and kept them in his pockets, Maybe he smiled and laughed, not from the cruel butt of a joke, but out of sheer, childish joy. 

Though most of you understood that a man like Tomura Shigaraki is not formed out of love or soft, golden hours spent catching fireflies. 

But you liked to think of him that way. 

Liked to indulge in what he might have been. 

What you both might have been. 

It isn’t as sad as it seems. No, it fills often with comfort that there are other worlds, other timelines in which the both of you were allowed to keep calluses from forming on your souls soles. That there are moments in existence, if only in your fabricated memories for him, that you and Tomura Shigaraki are happier. 

So when the storm continues, winds whipping the walls and rain leaking through the worn roof, you huddle closer on the hard, dingy mattress. 

And you watch and you think and hold him closer. 

Letting his body stir and twitch until his back has settled against your chest and your nose it pressed to his neck. 

You’ll move before he wakes up. 

But that little part of you that envisions young and carefree Tomura is selfish, and wants these small moments of glorious, feather-down softness to keep for yourself. To tuck away when you dream of those other places. 

Where things are easier. 

And lovely. 

And sweet. 

And you kiss his cheek and know he won’t remember you’ve done it. But that doesn’t change the fact that it has happened regardless. That you given him these small, stolen pieces of other lives he might have lived. 

And sleep all the better for it. 

[unkwn0s]

Thoughts about some of my favorite romcom male leads. PART 1.

Disclaimer: this is pure shitpost and me having a lot of time on my hands plus being bored since no one of the dramas in my lists are convincing enough for me to watch rn (and it WILL contain spoilers about some dramas)

Decided to write this after my tiktok fyp basically harassing me w thoughts of my favorite characters in the genre. Might do more posts as i remember other dramas (should've made a list from the start, now i only remember if i watched a drama or not if i see some eps lmao).

Let's start w my supreme king: Ahn Minhyuk from Strong Woman Do Bong Soon played by another king himself Park Hyungsik.

Now i have seen a lot of mixed opinions from this drama, some people love it, some think it's absurd and i have to say even tho he's my favorite romcom male lead there's sumn things i really didn't like about the writing of the drama while watching it, so i shall start with that before of going on how much i love minhyuk: first the whole "let's keep her believing he's gay so he looks more trustworthy" i HATE the directors going on this path cause they showed it themselves all they had to do for bong soon to accept the job was the paycheck, also the only actual (confirmed cause i had serious doubts about his secretary) gay character being extremely annoying, yes, annoying cause i know his parts were supposed to be the comedy and it was most of it but u see the portrayal of non heterosexual characters is always quirky or mean spiritted on kdramas and that pisses me off.

Now onto why i love him so much: RESPECTFUL. He was madly in love w her even before he knew she was the girl from the bus from years ago (another kdrama cliché these mfs always know each other from their childhoods), but even tho they had kind of bickering relationship he never forced/manipulated his feelings upon her, even tho he knew she had feelings for that ogre of a second lead. He waited for her until she was ready to give back the feelings, HE LITERALLY GAVE HER A JOB AND KEPT PROMOTING HER JUST SO THEY COULD SPEND TIME TOGETHER WTF.

To not make this a gigantic post i'll be resuming some of my favorite scenes from him in the drama:

"I'll make you a real life Xena", when he learned about her powers he didn't get freaked out at all????? my man was down bad for her he decided to train her so she could make the best use of her strenght.

"Let's do this without anyone knowing, just the two of us" One of the most heart fluttering scenes in the drama, he plays off by saying he meant "training" when he knows damn well if she whistles he will dance to the sound she makes.

"To become lovers from friends is simple. One person has to take a step closer. And that one step changes their relationship." I CRY AND I CRY. His emotions pouring out his eyes and actions like that was his first confession, only an airhead wouldn't catch that, he was so fucking adorable.

"I care a lot about her, you can trust my word on that". He went to visit her dad's shop and her father told him to take care of her (like she needed but you get it). Her father being the first one to actually realize what was going on and secretly cheering for them, very cute to me, very pleasing.

"Can you please like me?". Pleek, he wouldn't need to ask me twice. This was after his confession when she asked some time to sort out her feelings (as if) and then minhyuk shows up after gook du stood up on her again (he had a good reason but i don't like him so whatever) and the following scene when she sees stars anda cute ass song plays in the bgm EXACTLY how i would be feeling towards minhyuk.

The kiss scene is quite obvious, i loved that corny cheesy cliché shit so much you wouldnt believe.

"Please look at me, please love me. You're peanut sized so i can carry you around in my heart but i don't think i'm in yours". THIS SCENE. Absolutely my fave from the whole drama. She had lost her powers and he was upset bc she didn't tell him what she was up to. He sounded SO fragile and worried but above all he was so honest. My sister shouldve said: THERES NO WAY ANYONE WOULDNT BE IN LOVE W YOU MY KING. Hyungsik was handcrafted for that role and specially for this scene. HIS EYES my god i cried a whole river.

Lastly, also one of my fave scenes: when she was trapped w the b*mb and tells him to leave and save himself and he says "i'm not leaving you don't be scared". MANS LITERALLY WILLING TO DIE BY HER SIDE. there's nothing left for me to say he was so in love and so cute and perfect and adorable also the reason i can't find anyone interesting cause no one is ahn minhyuk.

[wxldchxld]

This started out as like, a light piece just to describe what Beck’s workspace looks like and I won’t lie I’m a little obsessed with it. People always ask me like how tf Harper and Beck get along and... this. It’s this. Harper turns into a big sappy baby who lives off of nothing but Loving Her Wife Juice.

I’ll probably go back and edit this a couple of times for typos and other things but I love it so much I just wanna post it rn. And I won’t be putting it under a cut so y’all will have to live with it.

Harper knocked, almost tentatively, on the open door. From outside she could smell the intoxicating aroma of fir trees and herbs, sweetened by dried apples and candied citrus, drawing the attention of any passersby and calling them in. But she lingered there, knocking a second time when she got no response. Somewhere an old record player was crackling as Judy Garland sang about far away places over a rainbow, and a warm voice was humming along with it. Harper gently ran her thumb over one of the embroidered silk foxes among flower petals embedded into the translucent curtain that covered the door. The fabric, a deep ocean blue, shuffled under her attention, and the little creatures looked as if they were dancing.

Even on the threshold of Beck’s workshop, the world felt so slow. Time didn’t abide by schedules and obligations. It flowed like a lazy river on the precipice of winter, slowly but surely crusting over with ice. If she stood still long enough, would it freeze entirely? Or would the warm glow that haloed her lover forever melt away the sharpest crystals and encourage it to move on?

She didn’t need to knock. She didn’t need permission to enter. Not only did she doubt Beck would care, but the building was hers. The city--in its own way--was hers. It was her nature to utterly and completely possess things---to take them into herself to keep. If someone asked, she’d likely have even said Beck was hers. 

But she had no claim over this place. It was a feeling that went far deeper than any deed or contract or organization. The magic here was so perfectly interwoven with it that it felt like it belonged to Beck.

Inside the room, there was a little tsk and a rich, quiet laugh. “What are you doing hanging out there like a bat? The door is open.” 

The door was always open. Beck still clung to the old superstitions of their people. Ancient rules about hospitality and ways witches ought to behave. Rules made in a time when their people had been valued and listened to, long before Christians had turned them into a target and Google had rendered them obsolete. But Beck claimed it wasn’t about people, it was about magic, and its strange laws that were shrouded in mystery. Magic, she said, liked to know its witches were always open and welcome to it. In return for a witch’s “proper” hospitality, magic would sweep away the bad luck that so often got caught behind closed doors. And--again according to Beck--spirits were much the same, and closing the door on them might cause otherwise benign entities to turn dark with anger.

But Harper had been raised by much less traditional witches. One specifically that would have worn her back end raw with a wooden spoon for letting the heat escape and airing their business out in front of their neighbors. 

She pushed the curtain aside and stepped into the room, leaving any lingering thoughts of her mother laid on the doorstep with the rest of her worries.

The apartment was an explosion of barely organized chaos. Dried herbs and flowers hung from the ceiling or were pressed between the thick, heavy pages of spellbooks laying on the shelves beside jars stuffed with candied fruits and tea leaves. Knitwork and embroidery and tapestries and clothing in all states of completion were laid out on tables or hung up from the wall. Live plants in brightly colored pots lounged in the sunlight that poured in from the huge windows on the far side of the wall. There was a collection of open-faced cabinets filled with canisters of wood and glass and stone that sat in clusters with no apparent system of coordination. Above her the high ceilings had been turned into an aerial playground of wooden bridges, little boxes, and plush cushions either nailed into the wall or floating in midair among the drying plants where her most cantankerous familiar could sit and look down on the apartment like a goddess. A fire roared energetically to her right, and to her left there was a small kitchen where an enormous pot of sliced apples was being attended by an enchanted spoon.

It was nothing like the penthouse they shared when Harper left her work to come home. But oddly enough Beck’s workshop didn’t feel cramped or chaotic. It was warm. It was inviting. Everything melted together on the merit that no two things were remotely related to one another in any sensible way. A way that suggested every single item had been purposefully hand picked or handmade by the master of the domain and placed precisely where they were meant to be. 

And there she sat, behind it all, nestled among the plants in front of a wall of windows. Her feet were curled up in the plush, gliding rocker beside her, and she was smiling up at her through a halo of sunlight. In this place she was a queen, and her crown was made of braids entangled with wildflowers and encrusted with knitting needles and crochet hooks that she had stuck away for safekeeping and promptly forgotten about. She was holding a little stuffed creature in one hand, and pulling a needle and thread in the other.

Beck always seemed fondly amused by the slow, reverent way Harper entered her domain. Their eyes met for a few gentle seconds, and then Beck looked to her right, where something shimmering and half formed in the sunlight began to move. Harper tried to focus on the spirit, but it collapsed in on itself and turned into a yellow moth as big as her hand, and lazily fluttered into the shadow of a flower by the window.

“That doesn’t unnerve you?” Harper asked, taking a seat in an armchair across from her girlfriend.

Again the blonde let out a breezy laugh that harmonized with the music in the background.

“You spend half your nights in an enchanted necropolis in some undisclosed abyss with only dead people and a renegade faerie for company, and an air spirit unnerves you.” She said, a playful perk in her brow. 

Harper scoffed in feigned offense. “Dead things don’t think. They don’t watch me. I don’t like to be watched.”

“What a shame. You’re quite the sight to look at.” 

Now Harper laughed, a rare, genuine chuckle of amusement. She wasn’t modest by any means, but Beck’s flattery could still make her heart race and her stomach fill with butterflies. As if it were the first time, even though compliments fell from Beck like droplets of rain in a spring shower.

“Well it’s a privilege. And it’s only bestowed on people I think highly of.”

Beck snorted soundlessly. “I can’t imagine there are many of those.”

“Only one, currently. And I’d let her do anything she pleased.” Harper replied. There was a small, suggestive grin on her lips, and a devilish twinkle in her eye.

“Oh?” Both of Beck’s brows raised and the hand holding her needle pressed against her heart as if she were shocked. “Then I guess I have someone to be jealous of, because you certainly don’t let me do whatever I want.”

Again she laughed, and Beck joined in with her. Harper rolled her eyes, her quick tongue failing her, and said lightly. “Shut up.” 

“See?! There it is right there. Always bossing me around.” The little witch clicked her tongue in fake disapproval. 

“Anything you want to me.” Harper corrected, still grinning so wide that it hurt her cheeks. “The fact that I don’t let you wreak havoc all across the tristate area is not the same.”

Beck held up both her hands in surrender. “Hey, you say potato, I say tomato.”

“That’s-” Harper halted her correction when she saw the look on Beck’s face that suggested her point was about to be proven perfectly. “Absolutely right.”

It was Beck’s turn to roll her eyes, and then she returned her attention to the project in her hands. Harper leaned forward just a little to try and catch a subtle glimpse, and without a word from the necromancer, Beck raised up the stuffed animal to show.

“Essi has decided that she’s infatuated with snails.” She said, shaking her head. 

Esteri was a frequent visitor in their home. Harper could remember when she was born how Beck had practically lived at Frankie’s house and brought the infant home with her when her friend needed rest. Midori and Jari had done just the same, and the door to her penthouse had practically revolved for months as the gaggle of friends came and went. Essi had just turned three a short while ago, and she’d grown into a wild-eyed, challenging little girl. Consequently, one of Beck’s favorite hobbies consisted of indulging her every whim and encouraging her to be as difficult as possible. If that meant making a snail to feed her newest fancy, Harper knew that “Aunty Beck” was more than happy to provide. 

“It’s not surprising, between you and Dori I don’t know who lets her play in the dirt more.”

“We play in the garden.” Beck corrected.

Harper refused to give ground. “Gardens are mostly dirt.” 

“It’s important for witches to know how to plant and grow.” Her playful tone had gotten a little more serious. Not angry, but carrying a thread of absolute belief. “You could use a bit more time in the garden. And the sun for that matter.”

“Alas my love,” She sighed dramatically, “I am a creature of the night.”

Something soft bounced off her nose and fell into her lap. It was the snail. It’s stupid, smiling face laughing up at her.

“Are you throwing things at me now?” She teased, “Do you really want to start this with me?”

“You’re the one who said I could do whatever I wanted to you.” Beck wasn’t even bothering to contain her wolfish grin.

“You. Not this creature you’ve created. I can’t take an attack like this sitting down. I have a reputation to uphold.” She stood up, stuffed animal clenched in her hand, and slowly walked toward the fire place.

“Don’t you dare!” Beck squealed. They both knew it was an empty threat, that Harper would never disrespect the woman she loved so brazenly, but Beck threw the blankets off her lap and scrambled to her feet in a flash. Harper held the stuffed creature high above her head as Beck latched onto her. 

There was a flush of heat that certainly didn’t come from any fire as their bodies pressed together. Beck was all soft curves over surprisingly strong muscles and blue eyes that glittered in the flames.

“Give me that back!” She demanded, trying to sound stern and reaching hopelessly for the toy. The pair stumbled and fell against a wall. When it shook a cascade of lavender petals and thyme leaves peppered them like confetti.

The necromancer curled one of her legs behind her lover’s and held up the animal higher. “I never knew you had this kind of rage inside of you. You know maybe you should go to therapy.”

“I never knew you were so annoyi-OH” Harper swept them both to the side, and Beck only managed to stay upright because she was being held against her so tightly. The little witch huffed, her cheeks flushing. “Oh I’m going to knock you over the side of the head so hard it smarts for a month!”

“See! There it is again! That rage!” Harper teased, merciless. A little childish, even. “Beck it’s me! Please, remember you loved me once.”

“You’re too rotten for loving. You give me that toy right now!”

Harper was shaking with laughter, her free hand wrapped around Beck’s waist as she strained. Beck was laughing too, intermittently. Every few seconds her angry façade would break just long enough for a smile and a chuckle that made her quiver against her.

“Why are you so godsdamned tall?! Was your mother a giant?” Beck’s hand had a hold on her wrist and her nails were just barely scratching the skin that ignited a dangerous excitement in Harper.

“A troll, actually. It’s a wonder I turned out so pretty.” Harper carefully guided them through the room backing them into the perfect position. When her hand was at just the right height, she felt the toy roughly ripped away from her, and the enormous black feline leaped over the both of them with it in her mouth, and (likely sensing what was about to happen) ran out into the hall. 

"They say the devil has a pretty face---and Angrboda you’re giving that back!” The smaller witch tried to twist to look at her familiar, but Harper had pulled her tight against her body. Now with her other hand free she tilted up her lover’s chin and kissed her softly, the both of them still intermittently giggling.

They turned again, fingers tangled in one another’s hair, lips locked, the air between them dissolving until her lungs burned but still neither of them pulled away. Not until Harper had backed the witch up to the armchair. She gave her lover a rough push and watched her fall back into the seat, panting and grinning in delight. 

She placed a knee on either side of Beck and trapped her against the cushions, reveling in the way she shivered. Her head stooped to whisper in the little witch’s ear. “And what would you let the devil do to you?”

Beck's hands were tightly gripping her hips, trying to pull her even closer. She smelled like apples and wildflowers and everything Harper loved in the world. She was everything Harper loved in the world. Perhaps even the only thing she loved in the world of the living.

“I’d let her do anything she wants.” Beck said beneath her, and the record came to a scratchy stop, and all Harper could hear was the crackle of the fire and the door slamming shut behind them.

[aerialflight]

Fic Rec (where i'm into too many fandoms rn and ships which is weird of me)

[Bleach] (been a while amiright?)

Oxytocin by Asuka Kureru (Askerian)

Ship: Grimmjow/Ichigo/Orihime

Complete trust and physical affection are great!

They're a bit less great when they were caused by weird hollow drugs.

They're even less great when the guy who was drugged up into loving the hell out of you is the same guy who tried to murder you a couple times a couple years ago.

(listen i just stumbled upon this and I have no regrets. i don't usually go for ships, let alone poly, but like, GOD, i love how everyone is characterized here, especially orihime and i just want to SCREAM OK? OK. the vibe i get from this fic reminds me of @murderlight (big fan) and if that doesn't say anything, i don't know what will.)

-

[Gintama] (i don't know how i spiralled into this fandom either, been literal years since i've even thought about this fandom, i have no regrets)

Grab Your Dreams With Your Fists While You Can Still Remember It by yatagarasu (leelhiette)

Ship: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki

Toshirou should learn to look both ways before crossing the road.

(Or he learns more about the people around him and about himself.)

(amnesia fic, and i know it's a common trope but they did it BEAUTIFULLY here. love this so much. and it's post-canon.)

I feel you by arashian155 for machinecuisine

Ship: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki

“I’m so done with this,” Gintoki muttered angrily. Zura sighed while Tatsuma laughed loudly. “Your soulmate’s getting roughed up again?” Gintoki groaned. “Worst timing ever! There was this one Amanto swinging his gigantic sword at me and I was just about to dodge it when, out of fucking nowhere, I feel something stabbing my shoulder! It threw me off and if it weren’t for that, I would have been perfectly healthy right now instead of getting nursed for this stupid wound!” he pointed at the ugly slash across his torso. “Fuck soulmates!”

A story about Sakata Gintoki's journey into embracing his soulbond, falling in love, and learning the cons of selflessness.

(THE SLOW BUILD-UP OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND THE PLOT FOLLOWS CANON AND I CAN'T STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS STUPID FIC I'M SO STUPID FOR THIS STUPID SHIP FEIWNFOPA)

-

[One Piece] (of course)

Undone by pkmntrainer_alex

After the entire family almost dies at WCI, Judge Vinsmoke orders the removal of his sons' emotional modifications in a bid to save his own skin in future endeavors. He doesn't stop to consider the ramifications of his 21-year-old sons finally, suddenly, being able to feel their human emotions in full - and their newfound ability to judge both themselves and him by their past actions.

(the vinsmoke family dynamics and the brothers trying to deal with 21 years of pent up emotions? they're trying?? so freaking hard to be functional people and they realize just how freaking amazing sanji is and that HE wasn't the failure in this family??? god, i've reread this fic so many times like an addict please read and suffer the feels with me. this is the one fic where i'm trying to patiently wait for an update. i'm just happy that this exists.)

Song of the Swords by authenticaussie

Wado is tiny when she first appears before him; her tears are as silver as her hair and the moonlight, and they gleam from within with golden fire as they pour down her cheeks.

Zoro’s heart fairly stops in his chest for a very, very long moment.

(personified swords au! introspective and fascinating and a character study of zoro and his relationship with his swords! really liked this!)

where the rims have ridges by Civillain

Everything everyone does is in their own self-interest.

"I like your hat," she calls out quietly.

And the change is instantaneous. He stops where he stands, a hand on his head and his knees still bent to take another step, and turns to look over his shoulder.

There's a moment of silence where he says nothing, just peering at her with squinted eyes, before: "Thanks!" he beams.

His smile is wide and unchecked, so wide that it might make his cheeks ache. He doesn't have laugh lines, but the way he smiles makes her imagine that he's spent his whole life grinning like that, warmly and brightly, so sincere and upfront that the breath gets punched right out her lungs.

Sometimes, there are people close to exceptions. But not quite.

20 years apart, and two people that don't make any sense.

(god, such a good outside pov look on luffy! luffy is such an unreadable character lots of times and it's so hard to pin down his characterization but this fic got it so right! made me fall for luffy all over again and realize just how incredible he is, as both a not-hero figure and main character! definitely recommend!)

those things beyond us by Civillain

There's something different about Luffy on nights like this, nights where there's soft rain and half-moons, and when the streets are quiet; no cars or trucks, only midnight joggers or early risers taking walks to the beach.

(Where Luffy and his friends have a relationship Sabo doesn't think he'll ever be able to understand.)

(honestly, i just love all of this author's one piece works. its a modern au where the straw hats are reincarnated and find each other all in sabo's pov. it's beautiful and this is how i would picture how the straw hats would fit in a modern au. nakamaship is the best ship, no questions needed. so so good!)

Magic Paint by 8ball

Luffy sticks his hands out.

“Paint mine!”

Usopp watches the expressions on Sanji’s face. He likes watching the obvious emotions go through him like a slideshow, and it's somehow comforting that he can see the exact moment Sanji decides that going along with Luffy will be the easiest choice. So Usopp waits for Sanji to test his own nails, deem them dry enough, unscrew the tiny brush top again, and then he asks if Sanji will do his, too. And because Sanji already has the brush ready, and they’re both right there anyways, Usopp knows he’s going to get what he wants.

or the au that came from nowhere where Sanji paints his nails and everyone elses and thats really it

(*screams* the pureness, the fluff, the nakamaship!! fneiwoapfe!! the best, sweetest headcanon ever! had the biggest grin on my face the whole time i was reading this! please please read!!!)

-

[Percy Jackson & the Olympians]

Stealing Shells by the Seashore by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle

Ship: Sally Jackson/Posiedon

Sally's eyes flicked between Poseidon and then the sea below. He could feel the understanding click.

"Oh, absolutely not-"

"It isn't that high!"

"Poseidon, I am not jumping off of this cliff! I'm not doing it. I won't, you can't make me, it's very high, I am not going to-"

"If my brother sees you here, he's going to assume that you're carrying my child."

"Ridiculous. I have much higher standards."

"I also have higher standards, but he isn't going to listen to us," Poseidon reasoned. The wind blew a bit harder, and Poseidon felt the sea rise with his anxiety. "I would use my powers to hide you, but he'll sense I've used them. You'll be fine," he tried, and Sally gave something of a skeptical laugh.

"Not happening."

The lightning grew closer. For the love of-

"In that case… I'm sorry," he said. Sally tilted her head suspiciously.

"Why are you-" she began but was cut off by Poseidon shoving her off the cliff's edge. He could hear a scream. It started loud and high before getting smaller and smaller. Finally, a splash followed.

Or

Sally and Poseidon spent one summer together… and most of it was them being on the run for a godly crime they didn't commit.

(THIS is the ONLY backstory i will ever accept regarding this ship for the REST OF MY LIFE. i binged this so freaking fast and i am in love with sally as much as posiedon is. percy jackson got his Everything from his mom you can't change my fucking mind. THIS FIC NEEDS MORE ATTENTION AND KUDOS! READ!!!)

Son of Sea Foam by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle

“She’ll never claim me,” he whispered. Silena shook her head, eyes wild as she looked around for anyone who could be watching.

“My mother doesn’t remember half of her children as it is,” she said with a note of bitterness. “If you do something to impress her, it won’t matter. Return the bolt in her name. She’ll claim you if you act the part. If you stay unclaimed then they'll figure out what you really are," she said, squeezing his hands tightly. Percy's heart sped up.

"I - I don't know the first thing about Aphrodite-"

"My mother was born of sea foam," Silena cut him off. "And if you're really who I think you are... you are the sea. You can pull this off," she said and touched his cheek. "Get the bolt. Survive," she said. Percy swallowed.

"What if I can't act the part?" He asked. Silena's expression went blank for a moment. Slowly, she slipped off her bracelet and placed it in his hands.

"If you're going to be one of us... you better learn."

Or

AU where Percy has to hide the fact he's a Big Three kid otherwise he'll be killed on the spot. Unfortunately for him, unclaimed kids tend to raise the most suspicion... but he might have found a loophole in the form Aphrodite.

(one of my current obsessions rn. my eyes are constantly glued on the screen because i want to devour more of this galaxy brained fic. this author just keeps on giving and i love them for it. also, SILENA IS AMAZING AND SHE'S GETTING THE ATTENTION SHE DESERVES HELL YEAH!)

-

[Haikyuu!!]

He Waits For a Miracle by ich_bin_ein_stern

Ship: Hinata/Kageyama

A minute ago, he was on the ground after he and the others were tackled by their happily weeping senpai.

They had just beat Shiratorizawa.

And now - "Kageyama-kun? Are you paying attention?" - he's trying not to freak out because he's surrounded by distantly familiar faces while wearing a school uniform he hasn't worn in almost a year.

(TIME TRAVEL TIME TRAVEL TIME TRAVEL *screams*)

-

[The Witcher] (seriously, all my rare fandoms somehow popped up this month)

the way fire holds by theundiagnosable

Ship: Geralt/Yennefer/Jaskier

“There’s a song there, somewhere, don’t you think?” Jaskier says. “‘A witcher, a sorcerer, and a human walk into a bar’…”

(ROLE REVERSAL FIC HECK YES!! Witcher!Yennefer, Mage!Jaskier, Human!Geralt is amazing omg. It all works out so damn well and the relationship between yennefer and jaskier makes me want to cry so much. Geralt is at peak himbo greatness and it's fantastic haha! Their dynamics are just *chefs kiss* so damn good.)

The Shape of You by lirulin

Ship: Geralt/Jaskier

Some people say it's old elven magic, a remnant from before the conjunction of the spheres. Other's will say it's the last fading vestiges of chaos as the modern era slowly drives all magic and wonder out of the world. Those people are, naturally, real killjoys whom Jaskier cannot envision loving anything, but that's fine. To each their own.

Soulmate Spiritual Animal AU

(you have no idea how much i laughed when reading this fic. no idea. jaskier makes me want to scream with how much of a himbo he is and geralt, for once, is not the complete idiot between these two though it's a close call, not gonna lie.)

to grow in adversity by Soulykins

Ship: Geralt/Jaskier, Renfri & Jaskier

“For you!” Julian cried, shoving a fistful of weeds in Renfri’s direction, his smile wide and carefree. Renfri carefully took them in her hands that were only shaking a little bit now, smearing red onto green stems and yellow petals.

Julian clambered into the bed beside her and crawled halfway onto her lap. “I got you flowers, ‘cause you’re so pretty like them!”

“These aren’t flowers, they’re weeds.” Renfri told him, rolling her eyes but allowing the contact with ease. Somedays it seemed like Julian was the only person in the entire castle who wasn’t afraid of her.

“They look like flowers.” He said, crinkling his nose.

“They’re dandelions,” Renfri informed her brother with a tiny smile, “They grow everywhere, even places they perhaps shouldn’t. That’s why they’re a weed.”

“Perhaps they’re a little like you,” She teased, “Growing in even the scariest of places with no fear.” Like a monster’s heart, she doesn’t say.

“Like a superpower!” Julian gasped.

Renfri separated one dandelion from the little clutch and reached out to tuck it behind a little ear. “For the stubborn hero, Jaskier.”

(this is THE fic that got me into the witcher fandom and i can't believe i never reced this before. renfri & jaskier's siblingship is so damn good and just, the amount of effort put into their backstory and relationship makes me want to cry sometimes. and yennefer, ohoho, yennefer is at her Best here, i love her in this fic and her relationship with these siblings! geralt both makes me want to punch him and hug him, which is the norm and totally understandable hahaha! seriously, one of the best witcher fics i've ever read, please please read!)

-

[Boku no Hero Academia]

Where your love has always been enough (for me) by classicequinox

Ship: Todorki Enji/Todorki Rei

It's a dark coil of anger deep in the pit of his stomach, reminding him that he was the root, the catalyst, the trigger for their family's downward spiral. It did happen - he reminds himself harshly. He can't forget that, even if time has actually reset itself.

Todoroki Enji gets a second chance. It's up to him to see what he can do with it.

(genuinely the most believable enji i've seen regarding how he deals with his past actions and trying to be better and rei being a complicated, good person who i can see matches well with enji. really well done characterization and slow building relationship that is believable to me. enji trying to change things in a meaningful, careful manner makes me want to root for him!)

Katsuki Bakugou Makes A Friend (And Also Almost Dies, But Whatever) by Sif (Rosae)

Katsuki Bakugou is eight years old, he has no idea how he got here, where he is, or who this other kid is with him, but that's not gonna stop him from being brave and tough, just like the hero he's gonna be when he's older!

The universe has other ideas, but Katsuki Bakugou is a child made of spite, hubris, determination, and way too much nitroglycerin, so the universe can take it's ideas and shove 'em. After all, nobody out-stubborns Katsuki. Nobody.

(KID BAKUGOU & KID SHIGARAKI FRIENDSHIP! BAKUGOU STOLE MY HEART! SO SMART, SUCH A HERO! I LAUGHED AND CRIED THROUGHOUT THIS FIC, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THIS! LITTLE SHIGARAKI MAKES A FRIEND AND IT'S TOO CUTE!!! so freaking adorable, oh lord. fneiwofpweafe)

Play The Field by lalazee for Banna_Banana

Ship: Bakugou/Midoriya

Baseball and feelings, feelings and baseball. Turns out, Bakugou and Deku are both good and bad at the same things. They try to work on it.

(look, i don't even know man. i stumbled upon this baseball au fic and the characterization is so top notch!! the backstories and feelings you get from this matches bakugou and deku's canon relationship perfectly and i flew past this so fast, god. please give this a chance, it's fantastic!)

-

[Marvel]

Blips on the Record by ambivalentangst for Bean_reads_fanfic

Flash, let it be known, doesn’t like Peter. He’s too good at everything—infuriatingly so—and nobody ever calls him on his bullshit, like with AcaDec nationals. Flash has to put his all into everything he does for a fraction of the attention Peter gets for his bare minimum, and it pisses him off, to say the least, so sue him for looking for chances here and there to knock him down a peg.

However, when he notices, he shuts his entire operation down.

Maybe Peter has a decade on his age when he was in the thick of it, but Flash remembers what it was like. He gets having school be a safe place, and nobody, not even himself, is going to jeopardize that for Peter.

//

Flash Thompson’s story is not simple, Peter Parker can always use someone else in his corner, and secrets are had and protected by all.

(flash is fleshed out! flash is getting some Good Rep! flash doing his best and being grumpy but ultimately trying to help peter in what ways he could! flash being a complex character and making me love him all over again! flash! getting some actual freaking attention fewnifoapew! THANK YOU! seriously, if you're looking for an actual good flash fic that doesn't feel disingenuous, read this!)

people were mean to you, but I always thought you were cool by suzukiblu for beckyh2112

Fandoms: Avengers & X-men

“What are your feelings on the mutant threat?!” one of the reporters shouts, and Steve just looks at him.

“I think anyone threatening mutants should be stopped,” he says calmly, and the swarm of reporters explodes, a dozen camera flashes going off at once.

(not exaggerating when i say i've reread this fic so many times that it's honestly concerning. steve & cyclop's friendship here makes me so soft?? they're both leaders of their teams and steve not being what everyone expects of him is always a soft spot for me. will forever be addicted to this fic, please enjoy!)

#notmycap by missgoalie75

Fandom: The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

In which Bucky fully embraces the 21st century and is a salty bitch on Twitter.

(nonono, you don't understand. you don't understand how much i howled and screamed in public while reading this, oh my GOD. honestly the funniest shit i've read in a VERY long time, bucky is Perfect here. fucking drag that guy you beautiful cranky soul. X'D)

[rk1kheadcanons]

I have a prompt idea if you’re down, no rush at all! I just love the idea of rk1k meeting in college & it just being the first time either of them experience this real and deep love for someone. Like Connor is more on the reserved side & maybe was a lil sheltered, & while Markus is more outgoing he still approaches their relationship very carefully at the start. Both of their feelings for one another develop so strong so quickly, & maybe it scares them a bit and they don’t want to admit it to the other at first just how deeply they’ve fallen for each other because their relationship is still rather new, but it just ends up evolving into this really powerful/beautiful relationship. Can u tell I’m feeling soft rn lol

It's okay Anon, we'll be soft together.

When Connor first enters college, he's still awkward and feels like this is highschool 2.0 all over again. He has no high hopes of it being better than the good times (sharing anecdotes and movie quips with Kara and Chloe in Drama class) or worst than the bad times he experienced (bullying he experienced at the hands of Gavin Reed c/o the varsity football team and fighting with his own closeted feelings).

Connor expected his experiences to just...be.

Connor didn't come here for a good time; he didn't come here for any sort of time. All he intends to do is finish his criminology degree within these four years and dip.

Within a couple of months, he's more sure of himself. He's met some good friends like Simon and Daniel, and Simon's main squeeze, Josh. Daniel and he are best bitches 4 life at the start. He then meets North in English composition and the same happens all over again. The boss WLW and MLM solidarity were real.

He grows into himself with his friends. Now recognizes that he's a hot, gay bitch that has little time for messy people and likes to keep it that way.

He wears a camouflage of the 'shy, sweet type' so he can move around and be unseen easily even as he is constantly on the swivel, partly why he decided to become a detective: he was perfect for it.

His dad thought so too. Had said he would be so dangerous in their respective field because of how he was. He knew Connor was fucking manipulative and maniacal with the cutesy face and dangerous martial arts he'd learned-he'd raised him ofc. That adorable face was a damned front and Hank would guffaw when people fell for it.

Gavin Reed was the first to get his comeuppance senior year of high school and learn this. Connor had played the scared, shy guy- he'd then proceeded to beat the sounds and colors right out of Gavin's raggedy ass.

Now Connor had a damned fan. That bitch followed him to college he was so sprung n that ass whooping. Maybe he gave him brain damage?

Connor ignored him like he did everyone else on campus he wasn't trying to see. He remained reserved and clean-cut. Very few had seen the real him.

Connor had also vowed to not look for a relationship with anyone either in college. Bootycalls? Okay. Something to scratch that itch so he could remain focus on his studies, alright, but not a whole romantic situation.

Connor was just trying to get rid of Gavin for the umpteenth time since this year had started and of fucking course the rest of the football team was there. Gavin didn't know the meaning of "no" and "personal space" and was going to press the issue.

Here steps forward this God of a man. He checks Gavin and Connor's heart in a couple of words.

Gavin's threatened; Connor's titillated.

Markus Manfred enters stage left.

Stupid Markus Manfred and his stupid face, and his stupid heterochromia and stupid kissable mouth. Literally, fuck this dude.

No, literally, fuck him against some fucking lockers in the locker room after Markus winning game right now, get in him, because, because...

God, the way Markus chased his mouth with his own. The way he'd been stripped and lifted as he weighed next to nothing, the quick yet superb preparation on the fly and then the feeling of him quickly and effectively just getting inside... Connor's one leg shook with the stimulus, his other loosely hung around Markus waist for dear life.

Rip to his pants.

He can feel how he's being physically jostled by the other's larger hands, one on his side, the other under his thigh and it's just-

Connor's face is hot and flushed and he knows it. His damned eyes keep fluttering like he's seizing, mouth open and quite possibly drooling like he cannot control his facial muscles, control the noises pouring out of himself as every stroke inside of him touches that one sensitive spot just right.

His nails bite into Markus beautiful copper skin, flecked in freckles as Connor yells out his joyous release to everyone within a three-mile radius.

When it's said and done, they both had to recap how they even got into this scenario.

Neither were complaining, not really, just really taken aback that had happened out of the blue like that and felt so natural. Markus had been chiding Gavin about being a creep, to which Connor amended he was a stalking creep. It hadn't flown over we'll with Markus since he was the captain of the team.

Gav was hazed, he was pissed and retreated. They had stayed and talked to each other. Just talked. Markus invited him to that evening game to which Connor advised he'd already be at because he was a band member. It was early and they had parted but that whole day was filled with happenstance's of Markus appearance and talking to him. The pull had been strong.

The attraction was overwhelming and it was a bit terrifying for both parties to admit. They had just been talking to each other. Nothing significant or substantial.

Markus felt maybe he was riding a gaming win high along with his obvious attraction to Connor.

Connor felt like maybe it was mutual attraction and appreciation for him.

They both left it at that. Where Connor had not seen Markus before, he now began seeing him everywhere: in passing, in some classes, he acts as a student assistant for additional credit and functions.

Connor being in the college band and having a very beautiful jock show him this sort of attention was flattering he has to admit, and that he's a bit curious about him.

Markus asks him out on an official date.

Connor really wants to scoff at him because the scared, nerdy kid inside of him says this is a trap, he's doing this for an elaborate prank, that this is somehow tied to Gavin and you will regret this.

Connor has a hard time believing that someone that looks like Markus would genuinely be interested in a person like him. Then again, he had just blown his back out magnificently not that long ago.

Markus is all warm and fuzzy, bubbly and chipper and Connor gets drunk on the free serotonin every time they meet.

He takes the plunge and says yes to the date and has never regretted it.

The conversation is immaculate, the expectations realistic and superb, and Markus is not just a jock: he's down to earth, adopted into money but lives simply. He wants to be a painter like his dad...

His father is the Carl Manfred, the famous painter and Connor feels like he had an aneurysm.

Connor tells Markus about his Lieutenant Dad, Henry 'Hank' Anderson. How he was the youngest lieutenant on the Detroit police force and Markus stupidly and excitedly smiles and says "I know! I was such a fan of your dad. He helped my dad when art thieves were stealing one-of-a-kind art from the museum!"

Connor is so damned smitten with this lovely creature that it's insane. He thinks he really might lo..like Markus a lot.

Connor's thoughts derail at the word choice a scowl on his face. What was he, 10?

Markus would run away so damned fast if he said those words to him. Just because they'd been going out and now regularly intimate didn't make it love, right? Why, then, did it bother Connor that it felt so right only with this man?

Markus notices the sour disposition Connor has, tries to get him back into the conversation, and even though Connor says he's okay, Markus knows that he's withdrawn from the conversation fully.

Unbeknownst to Connor, Markus had his strong feelings as well over the matter.

He was feeling Connor hard. It blindsided him and he knew that he needed to talk about this with Connor, lest one or both of them get hurt.

They both had fallen hard, much harder than they thought they would.

Instead of that talk Markus promised himself he was mature and level-headed enough for them both to have or even Connor just acknowledging the truth of the matter, they left the relationship in a sort of limbo, as is, neither wanting to face that four-letter word headlong in such a brutally honest way, fear that maybe just maybe what each of them had been feeling wasn't that and neither wanted the hurt if it wasn't L O V E.

I have more ideas on this one but I'll cut it for now because it's huge for a Tumblr post, lol. If it gets some interest, I have no problem with continuing it in another post of my own. HMU if you do like like. 😘

[stonerbughead]

love in the time of coronavirus ch 5 preview

because it’s coming slow, but i think we all need a little bit of this jarchie energy in our lives rn. 

“I promised Kevin I would call on day 10 and ask you two a question.”

“Oh, yeah, and what’s that?” Betty asks challengingly, the very mention of Kevin making her eyes narrow. Jughead grimaces; thinking of Cheryl’s knowing look the other night, he squeezes Betty’s shoulder. 

“Well, based on the sounds I heard when you answered this call-” Betty buries her head even further into Jughead’s chest. “-I feel like I already know the answer. But Kevin insisted I ask: have you two fucked already or what?” Archie says. 

Betty grabs Jughead’s phone out of his hand and aims it at the both of them. Jughead blushes: it’s truly something to see, a flushed Betty, wearing his t-shirt while very clearly straddling Jughead’s body. “What do you think?” she says sharply, rolling her eyes when both Jughead and Archie’s faces look back at her with complete surprise. “What?” she barks.

Archie whistles lowly. “Betty Cooper,” he says proudly. “Finally. Kevin will be very happy to hear the news.”

Jughead shakes his head. “If all of you thought it was this obvious that me and Betty liked each other, why wouldn’t you be your usual meddling selves and try to get us together? Because apparently we were the last to know.”

“Yeah!” Betty says, running her hand through Jughead’s hair instinctually. “We come to find out we’ve both been literally pining for each other for years. And you, our very best friend, just let us!”

Archie shrugs, though he looks sheepish. “It’s better this way,” is all he says.

“Well,” Jughead says. “We weren’t sure when we were gonna tell you but I guess you know now. We’re together.”

Archie claps his hands together and something inside Jughead collapses in relief. “The only good news I’ve heard all week.”

Betty shakes her head, removing herself from Jughead’s lap. “Thanks, Arch. But uh...nature calls.”

Jughead watches her go, waiting until the bathroom door closes behind her to face his best friend again. “You really knew this whole time?” he asks.

“Pretty much,” Archie says, shrugging. He’s relaxed back on his couch now, angling the camera so the light pours in his window and backlights him. “I mean, you’re both my best friends and neither of you are like, serial monogamists. You’ve both only really liked a handful of people, ever. It’s not hard for me to tell what it looks like when it’s…”

“Real?”

Archie nods. “Exactly, man.”

“This is the only time,” Jughead says. “The only time it’s ever felt real. With anyone.” The words come tumbling out and suddenly Jughead is weirdly grateful that Archie called when he did, if only to force him to say the words he was far too scared to say. 

“I’m so happy for you, Jug,” Archie says, in that genuine way that makes Jughead’s heart hurt it’s so reminiscent of the late Fred Andrews. “I’m not surprised, though,” he adds. “You two are so perfect for each other. I knew if you finally got the timing right, you’d be something special together.”

It might be one of the most beautiful sentences he’s ever heard come out of his best friend’s mouth and Jughead would stop to revel in it if he didn’t have one more thing to ask before Betty emerges from the bathroom. “Hey, Arch,” he says quickly and Archie seems to note his urgency. 

“Yeah?” he says.

“Why did you never...really tell me how you and Betty first met?”

Archie grimaces, looking a little embarrassed. “She told you the full story, huh? Get you two alone together for ten days and all the secrets come out.”

Jughead looks at Archie pleadingly through the screen. “Arch.”

“I could see the way you looked at her almost right away, Jug,” Archie says. “I’ve never seen anyone look at Betty like that. And I’ve certainly never seen you look at anyone like that. I just...I don’t know. I didn’t want you to think that for even a second I’d had any romantic interest in Betty - because, really, that’s all it was, a single drunk second before she put me in my place. Showing me why she was the most badass girl I’d met all night, but that we were much better off as friends.”

Jughead nods, taking in the information with a neutral expression on his face. “You thought I would be upset if I knew you’d hit on her once?” 

Archie shrugs. “Not necessarily upset, Jug. But think about you three years ago when you first moved here. You weren’t nearly as confident as you are now. I didn’t want you to think—I don’t know—that I was your competitor or something.”

“Archie, that’s misogynistic bullshit.”

“I know. I know it is. But that’s why I didn’t want you to think…”

Jughead shakes his head. “I get it,” he says. “I mean, you’re right. I totally would’ve short-circuited...at least a little bit, if I’d heard that shit three years ago.”

Archie shrugs. “It’s not that I thought you couldn’t handle it. It’s that I was afraid you’d use any excuse not to act on your feelings. And I didn’t want to give you another one,” Archie says. “Whether or not it was right, I’m glad you guys found your way to each other in the end. Even if it was…”

“Under the weirdest circumstances ever?” Betty says from where she’s—apparently—standing behind the couch, startling both Jughead and Archie.

“You’re sneaky,” Jughead says flirtatiously, turning to grin at her. She smiles back, patting the couch as she settles down. Jughead notices she’s slipped leggings on, though she’s still wearing his soft blue S t-shirt. He repositions himself next to her on the couch, propping his phone up on the coffee table so the camera is aimed at them once again. 

“How much did you hear?” Archie asks.

Betty shrugs. “Not everything. Don’t worry, some of your bromantic secrets are safe.”

“Oh, thank God,” Jughead says, jokingly holding a hand over his heart. 

“Anyway,” Archie says. “Have you two watched Tiger King yet?”

(thx for being patient with me, y’all! my tumblr break continues but ima drop in when i have new work to post! love you all! im still on the discord server if you wanna chat!!!!) read from the beginning / moodboard by @literatiruinedme​

[meitanteisachi]

My Kacchako reading list

My personal shortlist of the most unforgettable Kacchako fics I’ve read and currently reading, as well as planning to read! These are just those I can name at the top of my head so I probably might have missed some and will add later on once I remember. Most are rated M/E (because I am a sucker for Kacchako smut bahaAHHAA)

HAVE READ / ONESHOT / COMPLETE

A Little Bit Closer by mignonettes (a Ground Zero...dildo?!) A Softer World Prompt 46 by i-masshiro (kchk as exes. They never really got over each other) A Sweet Surprise by ohmytheon (Ochako bakes Bakugou a birthday cake) Again by corinnemaree (After Bakugo gives Ocha her first kiss, she just cant get enough) All Work and No Play by mignonettes (one of the hottest kchk smuts imo) Angel and Demon by EmeraldWaves (Ochako is a tease) Apricity by i-masshiro (Christmas kchk; honesty hour for our babies, very cute) As If to Say by calamansifresh (can’t get enough of a straightforward Bakugo. fluff!) As We Minimize the Space by calamansifresh (Ochako’s obsession: touching Bakugo. hot smut) Quiet by IchigoKacchan (twitter thread turned Ao3, HOT) Bakudonis by Ichigo_Kacchan (1-A drooling over shirtless Bakugo) Benign Masochism by windigop (Stripper Bkg. That’s it. I’m sold) Best Birthday Ever by crystymre (A twitter thread full of fluff and everything nice uwu) Biting the Bullet by MockingbirdSoul (one of the BEST kchk sexual tension fics EVAR) Conflict Resolution by Colorslander (Bakugo is bad at feelings, yes) Delivery Incoming by mignonettes (drunk Bakugo loves his girlfriend so much. VERY CUTE) Drinks series by BlueTee (ahh!! drunk kchk!! isso!! cute!!! AHH) Fight Night by ohmytheon (Ochako: *breaks Bakugo’s nose* Bakugo: im so turned on rn) First Date Etiquette by Methoxyethane (smut and humor are /chefs kiss/) Fleeting Emotions by EmeraldWaves (series of oneshots! includes tdmm and kmjr! fave is #4) Fragile by Virtually Forgotten (another series of oneshots! fluff/angst/smut i’m in love) Fuck or Die: Bakugo birthday edition by Italian_Lily (lust quirk and coming 7 times omg) Fuck or Die by mignonettes (twitter thread; ochako hit by a quirk that makes ya horny)  Gentle Hands by corinnemaree (it takes a while for Bakugo to process that Ocha kissed him) Girl of His Dreams by NamiSwaannn (Bakugo has very /vivid/ dreams abt Ochako) good together by tusslee (kchk sext this is so hot asjdkhaf) Hero Analysis and Application by SakuraDrops93 (slow-burn kchk wholesome content, except for chapter 28, ish) Hot Lavender Latte by calamansifresh (coffee shop AU! cute and wholesome and fluffy) How’s The Weather by crystymre (how the ending is written is the BEST) I Don’t Care by SakuraDrops93 (MY. MOST. FAVORITE. NON-SMUT kchk oneshot) I Don’t Compete by crystymre (kchk pro-hero AU. hot and sweet and cute) If Heartbreak by i-masshiro (if you don’t want to have your heart broken, DONT READ THIS. </3) Irresistible by ElanaDrex (lust quirk again, but dayum this hot) Kill, Fuck, Marry by stillfly94 (twitter thread; we love an angry dork Bakugo) Late Night Sweets by jarynw02 (so cute omg! Bakugo soft only for Chako) Misfit Love by Ichigo_Kacchan (Bakugo bought a new desk and Ochako didnt like it. yet) Morning Dew by calamansifresh (we need kchk morning sex in our lives) No One Else by thesweetestnerd (again, Ochako being a hot tease) Not Afraid by omytheon (Spin the bottle. Bakugo to kiss Ochako, then it gets complicated) once bitten by wonduhhwoman/still.fly (vampire ochako oneshot. help, this is too hot.) one juicy peach by still.fly (the first kcck i’ve read. it’s hot and beautiful ;_; sweet bakugo) Partition by Ichigo_Kacchan (based on Beyonce’s Partition, Kacchako multitasks in limo) [Prompt]Sweet Surprise Vday KCCK by italian_lily (Bakugo helps Ochako make cake) Protect and Kill by ohmytheon (AU, Ocha is FBI agent and Baku is assassin) quality time by still.fly (kcck as roommates. fluff!) Quarantine Thread by Megadoodle (soooo cute!!!) Quiet Time by ohmytheon (Deku overhears kcck on the top bunk doing...things) say it and i’m yours by yaomomochi (aquarium date!!!) Sparks by ohmytheon (secret relationship + blind date) Stress Relief by Italian_lily (exactly how I would picture a kchk sparring smut scene tbh) Suds ‘n’ Sweat by mignonettes (kcck in laundry and ya know what happens) Summer Hoodies by mythica magic (Ochako in Bakugo’s sweater hrrrmm) Take a Break by ohmytheon (pro-hero Kchk doing it in the workplace to relieve stress) The Dark Web by ohmytheon (another hot kchk sexual tension comin’ right up!!!) The feeling that isn’t entirely unpleasant by mysterious intentions (fluffy HS kchk!) The Final Countdown by ohmytheon (New Year’s countdown, first kiss, pure kchk fluff <3) The Five Times It’s Fake and the One Time It Isn’t by mignonettes (fake dating AU!) thought that i was dreaming by lianhuawu (kchk post AFO-fight. sweet huhu) Un Pour Tous by mignonettes (coffee shop AU, fluff!) VIP Pass by HikoCassidy (oooh a drummer Bakugo) warm light on a winter’s day by wonduhhwoman (soulmates kchk, stuck in cabin for winter) Worthy by Tharros (drunk Ochako again + sweet “friend” Bakugo) Yes or No is Not a Trick Question by silv3rbloodalch3mist (ANOTHER. FAVORITE. Honest Bakugo is hot) Yours, If You Wanted by calamansifresh (bakugo and his hidden crush mehehe)

CURRENTLY READING / ONGOING

Aquating Training Session by BeMore (happens before camping arc; w/ tdmm!) Boyfriend-Girlfriend Things by silv3rbloodalch3mist (ahh another one from a fave author!) Little Do You Know by fullondisclosure (soulmates with a twist!) Make it wit chu by Ichigo_Kacchan (a One night stand/FwB Kacchako) Mr. Brightside by SakuraDrops93 (MY. MOST. FAVORITE! RECENTLY UPDATED AHH) Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell by Ms_Chunks (very long but very good asdhajf kchk quirk dynamic) floaty ‘splodey fic series by ishkabibble_bafflegab (every fic in this series is /hearteyes/) Hot Cocoa & Chill by FrenchK (uwu i’m soft) Seeing Double by knifekirby (Fantasy AU! I’m in love with this!) The Reaper by thevoidyouknow (kchk roommates, virgin ocha and horny bakugo) (Touch Me) Kill Each Other Slowly by corinnemaree (vampire!bkg) there is something wrong with uravity by onlyfm (again with the horny quirk. yes) We Can Never Be Friends by crystymre (reading this on twitter it’s so fun and hot omg) why don’t you say so by frazzledazzle (all dialogue; all interesting drabbles! love this!) You Lost by NanaHachikoSan (this is just hot dirty hahaha)

TO READ

A Different Perspective by house_of_pixels actuality by still.fly Among a Crowd of Faces by miraimisu Bakugou Katsuki is Going to Become A Friendly Guy Even if it Kills Him by pisces-royalty Blanket Pals by miraimisu Clocks and Blades by Pomoon Closer by Ichigo_Kacchan downplay it by seconddaysea Fall by crystymre Finding Our Normal by theGingerTrekie Floating Embers by megwritesfanfiction Grounded by ElenaDrex He Who Always Left First by miraimisu Hot-headed by MoofyKitten In Hindsight by infantblue  It’s Just Training by LaMuerta It’s Our Secret, Angel Face by thesweetestnerd Kacchako Week 2019 entries by BlueTee Lie for Me by lovecassia Limerence by KarmaHope Make Me Forget by Chio Saki Midnight Terrain by stillfly94 No One Knows by Ichigo_Kacchan Noblesse Oblige by EmeraldWaves & Superevey On the Rainbow Road by ohmytheon One Day at a Time by jarynw02 Out of the Town by jarynw02 Popcorn for Breakfast by Ichigo_Kacchan [Prompt]Glimpse into the Future by italian_lily Something New by megwritesfanfiction The Boys Start the War and the Girls Get Even by crystymre The Heist by katschako The Need Inside You by ohmytheon the shape of your words by nascence The Wonderful World of Jealousy by ohmytheon These Stones We Skip by miraimisu With the Touch of My Staff by miraimisu

If you can recommend me some (I’m pretty sure there are a lot of beautiful Kacchako fics out there I might’ve missed bc srsly this fandom has SO MANY talented writers), feel free to leave them in the comments and I’ll be more than happy to add them here

[berri-hopefulspouse]

Okokokay, I’m awake, lemme explain this particular post because uh. It was like 2 AM when I posted it and I was hardly awake to explain it properly. I might write about the event itself in the future, but I have a LOT of projects going on rn so I need to uh. NOT SUBJECT MYSELF TO TEMPTATION. Lmao. ANYWAY. If you want the full explanation behind this post- it’ll be under the RM for the sake of not angering all of my followers :’)

TW: Internalized Manipulation, Internalized High-Expectative behavior, Suicide, also for uh. A generally Long ass fucking post. 

Basically...Ren has a secret. One they had completely forgotten about until their memory was retrieved post TTH- or rather...a few weeks following the memory retrieval. One secret that...as far as they know- they’re taking with them to their own fucking grave, rather than tell anyone what happened. 

Sure, they had a crush on Makoto. Sure, they were always too afraid to tell him how they felt- both out of fear of rejection, but for another...much more guilty reason.

See, when they ran away from home- ran away from their family...it was because they were controlling, yet neglectful. The family they “loved” never really gave them the emotional support they needed at a time when they were suffering- and in some people’s cases, only added onto it. They ran away because they were tired of being bound by their family’s stubborn expectations, and were tired of feeling like they weren’t good enough to do what everyone else was doing.

The problem was... They never truly resolved that trauma by running away. They had NO idea at the time how to do what they needed to give themselves that emotional support that they needed desperately growing up. Which of course, resulted in them taking that same sort’ve controlling, high-expectative behavior...and turning it on themselves.

Joining as many clubs as they wanted, studying late at night, getting double shifts to pay the rent of their apartment...They did everything they could to stay on top. It was a habit they didn’t know they were doing to themselves- they just saw it as being hardworking to maintain the idea that they were doing alright on their own. And of course, she- Junko- was no help to this. Manipulating them to work even harder- and that if they fall from the throne they were building for themselves, that they’ll be left alone. After all- for the first time in years, as a result...they were relatively popular. But not because of economical status, or because of beauty- or anything relatively of the sort. Because of their intelect. Their talents. Their ultimate...they were appreciated for something they could DO for others. And it was that, that gave them what they thought was the emotional support they craved since growing up- and they would be damned to let go of that now.

Ontop of this, they never really told anyone about being transmasc. They never told anyone they were AFAB. Everyone just assumed they were AMAB and nonbinary- which they agreed was fine with them. 

They were elected student council president, due to their uncanny ultimate to figure out that something was wrong with their class- and have the compassion to sit down and talk with others about it. When a student was struggling in a class, they’d either personally tutor the student or have someone they know who excels in that class tutor them. They were advocating for the luck students classes to be more personalized and catered to their talent, much like how all the other students had their classes personalized and catered to theirs. They did everything in their power to make a difference, to make an impression that they knew would never leave the class- unknowing that them just...being themselves, would’ve been more than enough. 

However...it was all too much for them. It was draining, it was exhausting, it was driving them crazy. They hardly got any sleep, they hardly had time to take care of themselves due to their various after-school activities and jobs they maintained. It was at this point they realized something was horribly, horribly wrong with the way they were living, but...that seed of internal expectations had burrowed itself too deep. Basically threatening themselves that if they couldn’t manage this- what they perceived to be a “normal” school life, albeit with some disadvantages- then they were just...weak. They HAD to keep themselves busy, because that’s how they make a difference in this world!

For being an empath...they’re terrible at taking care of themselves.

Despite themselves, they felt that sinking emptiness that they felt back home starting to return to their heart. So what do they do? Pour themselves further into their classes, their work, their social life- what little of it they maintained after class- their clubs, their student-council presidency. 

Even then, that wasn’t enough. They tried on their life. They broke under that pressure, and they have the scars to prove that. It was the first time anyone in their class knew that something much deeper resided within their class president. 

...Yet, at the time, Makoto was the only one who yelled at them for it- both out of his own naivety and his own sense of guilt.

Skip to a few months in the future- a good 2 weeks before Junko’s perceived plan would go into full effect, and a few days before the supposed fuzzy memory they’ve had in the past came into fruition. 

Makoto and Ren had been getting closer, yes. Ren wanting to learn and, as a result, be better to themselves- so they could in turn be better for their class. Makoto just wanting to help, seeing as he looked up to them.

Still, they didn’t hang out that often- both due to their own class schedules being all over the place, and Ren never having much time out of school. Sure, Kyoko would be helping pay their rent- which let them have the option to quit one of their jobs...but they still had to afford food each month, so they still kept one job- both for the experience and because they felt they had to. They didn’t want to ask the school for more help than they “needed” to.

So, when Makoto was hosting a small sleepover with several of the boys from his class- including them- they were a bit excited. Due to their business, they never really had the time to really...hang out with other people. Develop an actual social life. They never had the chance to hang out with friends outside of class, and never had the chance to do normal teen things- like sleepovers and school drama and shit. 

Naturally, of course they went. 

They had...such a fun time that night. Goofing off with the boys- even some of the more reclusive and uptight boys would eventually loosen up around Makoto. Of course- it wasn’t like usual more “Feminine” sleepovers- the boys would mostly be playing a lot of video games, eat snacks, what-have you. Makoto would try to get them to watch anime, only to be teased for it. Ren had to break up that little spat before it got out of hand- wanting just as much to protect Makoto. 

Soon enough, everyone was falling asleep. Most of the others didn’t want to sleep in Makoto’s room themselves- saying that was too “gay” for them-- Only to get ribbed at by Ren as a result, despite what they tell themselves about being a straight enby (a contradictory statement in and of itself). So, Ren, wanting to prove a point to them, decided they’d stay with Makoto. Unaware of how flustered they were at the thought, Makoto headed back to his room with them in tow- ignoring how the boys were calling out various...unsavory one-liners. (Much to his dismay, seeing as Makoto would eventually have to drag Ren by the arm- lest they start an actual fight in his house, his parent’s would fucking END him, Ren stop it--)

At the very least, it was calmer. The two sat, talked for hours, goofing off and watching anime until close to 1 AM. By then, they’re still watching anime through his laptop- Makoto braiding their hair out of their eyes so its easier for them to see. 

This entire night, they’ve just been feeling so...so flustered around him. So flustered, so confused. They just want to do something about the feeling, they want to understand what it is they’re feeling...this feeling that they’ve felt since they first met him- and has only intensified over time...has intensified over the course of the night. 

So, they do something impulsive. They do something they didn’t think they KNEW they were doing until they did so. They kiss him- genuinely and caringly. Its then they did realize how they felt- someone not so straight, not so ‘perfect’...and for that brief moment it was okay. For that brief moment, being perceived as who they actually are...was okay. 

And then that moment was broken, hearing a knock on their window- one of the boys had gone to investigate what was going on, and was peering through the window. 

And that sudden panic, that fear of losing what they have- of losing the respect of their class...it held its grip on their heart. They start freaking out, mumbling to themselves about how they were going to be made fun of. Makoto tries to calm them down, tell them its okay- that it’s fine- trying to insinuate that he kinda felt the same way.

But, they leave. They flee with one last final word to him; 

“...You don’t even know.”

A message to themselves- about what they know about love- and to him...that he doesn’t know what would happen if they loose that social status. 

...The following day, they pour their heart out to Junko. They explain everything that happened- and they’re told of the device that can wipe memories. That can, essentially, erase the past. Of course they’re reluctant- their good morals and goody-two-shoes nature makes them hesitant. But, when she reminds them of what would happen once rumors starts to spread... They agree its for the best. That no one else should remember what happened that night. But to ONLY erase that night. 

...Little did they know, that a few weeks down the line, there would be so, so much more erased than a single night. 

So, by Monday, everyone has seemingly forgotten the whole event. They swore to themselves that day to never tell anyone- especially him- about what happened...both because of the event itself...but because of if he found out what they did following it- they didn’t know if he’d ever forgive them.

Losing their social status...losing that emotional support from their class...at the time; nothing else was worth it. Nothing else; even love. 

After all, they’re expected to be little mx. perfect. 

When their memories are finally retrieved... Or rather- the weeks following it, as an after-effect- they remember the whole event. That guilt they carried with them about what Junko did to them only multiplies when they remember their other massive, massive mistake. Sure, things turned out well in the end- they’re with Makoto, everything is getting better... He’s shown that even through their past- he’d be there for them...but even so, they can’t tell him.

It’s a secret they’re taking with them to their grave. And with any hope, that’s exactly how they hope it’ll stay.

...And they forget, that just as well for everyone else, the procedure had brought back all their school memories, as well.

Makoto won’t...say anything on the matter- knowing how their anxious self might react. If they want to tell him, they will. But if not...it’s a secret for their past self to keep, forever. 

...It definitely does explain some of their behaviors though, now that he does think about it. 

[nusandksham]

nus i don’t think you understand how much i’m gonna miss you. you mean the whole world and i genuinely can’t process that you’re actually leaving. this was gonna be our year. we were gonna get through it together. it was set up perfectly we had all the same classes and no time away from one another. this year was gonna be perfect but ig not. you’re already gone youve been gone for a while but you’re actually leaving. you’re moving and idek when i’ll be able to see you. i regret not opening up more and not telling you everything i regret not taking a last polaroid with you i regret not giving you tons of cuddles the last time we met. i thought i would just see you in a couple of months or weeks but you’re moving. you’re gone. you’re gonna be in a different school with new friends. with the rest of our friend group leaving i thought that at least i had you. you’re always the first person i go to for everything and you being here when everyone else was leaving meant so so much. you zaina and zara were my babies. the only people i really trusted with my life and now i’ve lost all of you. I thought that this year for our pact you and i would be together and we’d call them but now we’re all split and it j hurts. it hurts so much knowing that the people i cherish the most are gone. ok i seem dramatic but i’m being genuine. nus pus youve helped me so fckn much it’s even crazy to me. just you existing and being there gives me so much hope and happiness. i really don’t wanna lose you nusu. there was so much more we could have done together. i’m not ready to let go of you. idk why i decided to pour out my emotions into this tumblr post at 1am but i’m hoping you don’t see this for a while so i have time to think and mayhaps delete cuz i might regret spilling this onto a public page when i wake up. but if i dont, just remember that i love you with my whole heart and will always be here for you.

ps. my mind is all scrambled rn and i’m too lazy to check over this so it prolly has a lot of mistakes oops :) i’m going to bed now

-ksham

[poiregourmande]

i didn’t read that much in november, so i decided to wait until after december and make a big rec post! (or, A Love Letter To @uneventfulhouses)

under the cut, you’ll find: shyanara, shyan, adamnie, sharamaryan, shelsey, sarielle, saryan, sharielle, shansey, mayan

punk_rock_yuppie | don’t sit on the shores (don’t wait and sigh) | ryan/sara/shane | teen | 3k |  Naked in a hotel bathroom and texting his girlfriend about his coworker-slash-best friend whom he has an embarrassing crush on feels like a very specific crisis to be having. And yet, here Shane is, mired in it. Deeply, deeply mired in it. Shane's feelings for Ryan come to a head during the DC trip, with a little help from Sara.

@drunkkenobi​ | so he won’t break | ryan/shane | explicit | 40k | Shane breaks his ankle and needs help so Ryan offers to stay with him. Lots of hurt/comfort with a side of broken ankle related hijinks and a nice helping of mutual pining.

@mediumboybergara​ | a christmas (party) to remember | adam/annie | teen | 5.2k | Holiday parties are hell. Sometimes, though, the company makes it worth it.

@ebonybow​ | ready if it happens with you | ryan/shane | explicit | 4.3k | It’s not a thing. Ryan’s just a little… touch-starved. Intimacy-starved.Shane passes behind him when he’s sitting at his desk, idly touches Ryan’s shoulder, thumb brushing the curve of his neck — and goosebumps erupt down the length of Ryan’s arms.

@uneventfulhouses​ | lookin’ for high, divine connection | ryan/shane | explicit | 2.7k | "hello I see you’re 102 feet away and I have a proposition for you. I’m currently eating macaroni and cheese and I want something to drink but all I have in my apartment rn is orange soda left over from a Halloween party and I do not want to drink that. SO….if you go to 7/11 and get me a double gulp horchata and bring it to my apartment I’ll blow you"or; shane goes to 7/11 and gets a blow job out of it.

@ebonybow​ | waiting for the sunlight | ryan/sara/shane | explicit | 18k | Sara had always known, growing up as both an only child and a princess, that she would likely not marry for love. 

@ebonybow​ | we’ve been here before | pre- marielle/ryan/sara/shane | gen | 1.4k | “So like, are we okay?” Ryan asks, and there’s something plaintive in his voice that Shane hasn’t heard in — well, in over a year now.

@a-slow-disaster​ | an idea whose time has come | ryan/shane | teen | 12k | Or: 5 times Ryan Bergara sort of joked that they should blow this popsicle stand, +1 time he definitely didn’t joke about it.

@uneventfulhouses​ | night so long | ryan/shane | 2.3k |  Shane’s breath catches, and as much as he wants to, he doesn’t turn to look at Ryan. He could. He could, but he doesn’t.   He knows the answer to that question; he doesn’t have to think about it. It’s written in everything they do together, they way they look at each other, how easily life has been laid out between them, in front of them. This kind of feeling supersedes and overwrites the way he usually feels about people. Because Ryan isn’t other people; of course Ryan would invent a new way for Shane to feel about him, explicitly exclusive, one Shane doesn’t really understand, but wholly and completely recognizes. It’s something he’s spent sleepless nights pouring over, trying to figure out what movements and words mean, why they translated so easily into I belong here in this space with you. or; it's just two boys in a motel room with a secret.

@uneventfulhouses​ | no one’s got me quite like you | ryan/shane | teen | 15k |  Andrew nudges Ryan's shoulder. “I have a question: are you and Shane busy tonight?”  Aside from general editing, Ryan doesn’t recall having any plans for the rest of the day. He can’t necessarily speak for Shane, but chances are he doesn’t either, unless Netflix and Chill with his cat counts.  It doesn’t.  “No?” he says, cautiously, because for the most part, when BuzzFeed employees ask him these things, it’s usually for something that he doesn’t necessarily want to do. But for the sake of views, Ryan tends to sacrifice himself.  “Cool. We’re doing a video.” Andrew turns to walk away, like that’s the end of the conversation, but Ryan calls after him.  “About what?” or; today on worth it, shane and ryan evolve into a couple during three double dates at three drastically different prices.

@uneventfulhouses​ | i’ve loved you three summers now, honey | kelsey i/shane | 1.2k |  Kelsey reaches to take the phone from Shane’s hand, and he lets her, and she types in the word confirmation and as the results begin to populate, Kelsey filters through them, until she sees one in particular that makes her breath catch in her throat, fingers frozen. She doesn’t click on it, and Shane snatches his phone away from her, and they stare at each other; she’s never seen panic in his eyes. Shane doesn’t scare easily. But here, his brown, Tennessee whiskey eyes are looking at her and then he looks away and Kelsey stares blindly at the television. or; kelsey finds out just how much shane loves her.

@uneventfulhouses​ | sunflower, vol. 6 | ryan/shane | 4.5k |  “You do so much for me,” Ryan says. Shane doesn’t know if it’s an observation or a confession, or if it’s one in the same.  Shane doesn’t say anything to that, and maybe it’s not the first time he’s thought about kissing Ryan, but he thinks about it now, wholeheartedly, recklessly.  Ryan leaves him, slips underneath the comforter and bed sheets behind him. Shane dips into the bathroom and showers. or; they're in a motel room again.

@kittensmctavish | rareships advent calendar | all of them but especially the marielle/sara; ryan/sara; shane/marielle trilogy | mature | 65k | various one-shots

@kittensmctavish | life flies by in seconds | kelsey i/shane | mature | 34k | Shane moves to a new town with his daughter. He needs to find a nanny. Kelsey's a nanny.(Or: the Hallmark movie fic, but from Shane's POV.)

@uneventfulhouses | i’m a present and you know it (here i am boy) | kelsey d/shane | explicit | 5.3k |  It’s a little after six, and he’s just gotten himself up off the couch for another beer when there’s a knock at his door; it surprises Shane entirely since it’s Christmas Eve and he isn’t expecting any visitors.  When he opens the door, he’s taken aback; it’s his neighbor, Kelsey, and she’s holding up two bottles of wine.  “Shove over, I need someone to drink with,” she says, and he doesn’t know what else to do but step aside and let her come waltzing in. or; shane and kelsey spend christmas eve together.

@uneventfulhouses | if only in my dreams | ryan/maya | teen | 22k |  “You’re single, right?” Maya says, arms crossed underneath her chest, looking at him with a particularly pointed look. Ryan raises his eyebrows.  “Are you coming onto me?” Ryan says, grinning up at her. He likes Maya, thinks she’s gorgeous; they bond over their lack of Spanish.  “Sort of?” she touches her hand to her chin, biting down on her lip.  “Uh?”  “I got myself into a sticky situation, and I need your help to—I sort of told my family—because they’ve been pestering me for ages about how single I am—I told them I have a boyfriend and they’re expecting him to come with me to Christmas Eve, but haha, I don’t have a boyfriend, and I know it’s a big ask, like really huge, to ask you to come hang out with me on Christmas Eve, but I don’t know anyone else who would do this." or; maya and ryan fake date for christmas.

@cellard0ors | hallmark’n it | kelsey i/shane | mature | 6.6k | Shane and Kelsey get snowed in at a strange hotel, in a strange town, and Kelsey's just not feeling the holiday spirit. Shane wants to help, Hallmark Christmas movie style. But as they both give in to the idea, they might find more than either expected.

[kouzaires]

For the ask game, answer all the questions you want to answer! I'm curious about the answers to all of them, but I'm not gonna ask them all, so you can just decide which ones you want to answer :)

AJDHDJDHKS THANK U FOR THIS FREEDOM. feel free to ask other questions or follow ups bc i super love talking abt my fics huhu <3

A: Of the fanfic you’ve written, which is your favorite and why?

OKAY i know most of u follow me for botw but my absolute favorite fic is the one i wrote for the end of haikyuu’s manga run, “there’s a mountaintop (that i’m dreaming of)”!!!! haikyuu will always have such a huge piece of my heart and i was so happy that i got into fic writing bc it let me express my love for the series in a creative way <3 i wrote it in like three days at an intense speed (for me), and i love that it’s able to resonate with other fans too!

F: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with [insert fic]?

most of my fics rn are titled based on cool songs that get stuck in my head!!!!! so id really love it if ppl listen to the specific songs i mention in the author’s notes because i usu play them on repeat while writing for certain vibes

H: How would you describe your writing style?

always, always evolving. all my old works are simultaneously stuff i could never replicate and yet absolutely brimming with stupid mistakes, so rereading old work is kind of odd for me.

J:  What’s your favorite fanfic trope?  Have you written it?

i mean i’m pretty into coffee shop aus (and to an extent, university aus) and yall know how that turned out HAHAHAHA!! but in general i have a Lot of fave tropes, not all of which i’ll probably end up writing about.

L:  Which of your fanfics was the most emotionally challenging to write?

definitely “how does your garden grow?”, the ongoing mipha fic. it took me months to finish bc the last few chapters have so many intense scenes that i wasn’t always emotionally ready to write. plus, the fic itself was also rly long and i did struggle with tying together everyone’s motivations and storylines in a coherent way. but i’m glad i finished it before my summer ended!!!

N: Any fic ideas brewing that you’d care to share?

i have a couple, but they’re all for the haikyuu fandom and i dunno if u guys can relate lol. i’m taking a break from botw fics for now!!

O: What are your thoughts on people writing fanfic of your fanfic? / S: How do you feel about fan art inspired by your writing?

I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER. FOR REAL. I ABSOLUTELY SUPPORT ANY OF THIS AS LONG AS YOU INFORM ME ABOUT IT SO I CAN SHOWER YOU WITH LOVE!!!!!

Q: Do you like getting prompts from your readers?

i dont mind it i guess? but only if they understand that i might not necessarily use them, or i could use them but for a different fandom or story. my writing is really heavily dependent on my personal interest to write a particular story, so i find it difficult to write solely bc another person told me to.

V: Are there certain comments you’ve received on your stories that have stuck with you?

all of them. but very specifically, the comments that talk about emotions or how the reader actually felt are my absolute favorites bc the idea that i was able to touch another person’s heart is just akdhdkhdlsjsl

Y: What are your thoughts on your personal satisfaction with something you’ve written vs. the popularity of your stories? Do you tend to be most satisfied with your most popular stories?

well, i haven’t written so much that you could call it a trend exactly, but as of now it does seem like the stuff i was most passionate about also became the most popular. although i dunno how it’ll go with the mipha fic, because so far it’s not getting a lot of hits even if i poured so much time and effort into it y’know? then again, it really picks up in the latter chapters so eh

Z: Is there a story you’ve written that doesn’t seem to get much love?

as i mentioned, the mipha fic isn’t doing so well right now, though i’m hoping it’s just bc it’s unfinished at the moment!! aside from that, i also have to say the haikyuu goodbye fic? bc while it is my most popular story (given the large fandom size), i also think it’s not getting as much exposure as it could simply bc it’s a gen work and not shippy. plus, my tumblr post about it got almost zero notes so uh sad

bless u for asking me!! to everyone: pls feel free to join my ask memes huhu i love doing these things

[arpwrites]

arpu, how can we connect to our intuition? i know some say "meditate" but my mind is not calm and my butt itches most of the time. i cant stay still

this is actually perfect timing because I’m feeling the same way so helping you is also going to help myself 🌞✊🏽divine timing fr ✨

okay the goal is to get your mind to stop double checking every thought you have. we’re wired to check the veracity of our thoughts and discard ‘nonsense’ that comes from ‘nowhere.’ the subconscious mind kills it before we’re even aware of it. it goes back to the renaissance/age of reason where the scientific method (that was developed largely by muslim/arab scholars btw!) was heralded and factuality became an important component of clear, rational, logical, good thinking. it’s what you’re taught in school now and what is prized in technological societies.

so, we need to let the brain know it’s okay (and encouraged!) to have thoughts where the source of origin is unimportant. fun story: I accidentally did this when I read Einstein didn’t remember anything that could be looked up. this integrated itself into my worldview very deeply very quickly and I found myself remembering only interesting things without remembering or caring what the source was. didn’t help when I couldn’t pull stats out of my ass while arguing with someone, but did wonders for my intuition.

we can do this through repetitive activities where conscious thinking becomes irrelevant and/or you assign importance to ‘nonsense’ thoughts. this is the core of meditation too if you think about it – its about focusing on a single thing and acknowledging thoughts but not involving yourself in them. these activities will calm your mind in a similar way to meditation and also help your restless ass lol

morning pages!!  I personally do this and I love it, it’s helped me grow immensely, I highly recommend it. when you write down every single thing in your head and just empty it out without stopping to consider its worthiness, you are telling your brain every thought is equally important and more of the subconscious intuition comes through to the surface.

random associations!!!!! let your mind wander

play this game with your friend!

pacing! I do this a lot, there’s an origin story if you’re interested lol but the main idea is this: put on music you’ve never heard before and walk really fast and/or run till you can’t think bc you’re barely able to breathe. focus on the music and let your mind wander and go wherever the music takes it. soon thoughts that are completely unrelated will pop up and though they really are nonsense in the beginning, keep encouraging it and u can tell when they eventually have truth to them

dancing! focus on nothing but the music and go crazy. doesn’t matter what kind but fast paced usually works better. don’t think about how to dance, think about it as the music controlling your body! you stop thinking and in that space, u can listen to the under-thoughts that usually go unnoticed

tbh, any activity u enjoy that takes up a lot of your focus + peripheral wandering thoughts. gardening! cutting 1000 stickers by hand! copying a textbook so u study and develop your intuition at the same time! there’s a lot of ways to integrate it into your daily life once u know what it feels like. this is pseudo meditation too btw. 

overthink!!!!!!!!!! I loved doing this as I drove to uni every day lol. i’m not saying to distract yourself while driving! safety is most important!! but after the 100th time I drove the same route, I became a pro at it and my lizard brain took over. it didn’t need my thinking brain to drive. so I thought and thought uncontrollably and my thoughts got more nonsensical and irrelevant and there was no connection and like I said before, they were ridiculous at first. just my fears coming through. but then they started having truth to them and I started getting information about the universe and our purpose etc. etc. I think I had the most breakthrough intuitions while I was in that daze. I could predict things really accurately, it was spooky. I recommend this but its a double edged sword bc overthinking doesn’t help have a happy, healthy life. use it as a stepping stone and don’t! drive!! while u do it. pace instead or pour it into a private tumblr.

also! give importance to these random associations/thoughts! document them or record them however you can. write them down, text it to yourself. this tells your brain they’re valuable and encourages their production

dream journal!! do it first thing as soon as u wake up. and within a week or so you can reliably remember a loooooot of what happens and it also helps lucid dreaming actually. since dreams are nonsense anyway, repeated action tells the brain to encourage these types of thoughts and voila! intuition developed in daily life!

you have to Want it! your intentions create another layer of under-wiring in your brain that grows stronger with use and influences the overall synaptic network esp. the parts that control which thoughts are important and not. so start being curious! let things like trying to make predictions and having super powers take up space in your brain! try and guess things before they happen or guess what random strangers are about to do or predict the score you’ll get on a test. the more you do it, the more u tell your brain this is an Important Activity and then it builds the required ‘code’ to make that function run better. you’ll be completely off in the beginning but then slowly your success rate will climb.

like anything in life, you’ll get a lot better with practice. even if what i’m saying sounds like nonsense rn, try it a few times and you’ll see what I mean. btw, you don’t have to stick to a single method!! switch them around, everything counts as +1. you aren’t starting from zero with every new technique.

these should be enough for you to get a head start! if none of them work, let me know a bit about yourself and I can probably come up with more methods custom made for you~

also, this old post I wrote about meditation might help 🌞

good luck!!!!! hope you have as much fun as I did discovering your spiritual side 🌝💖

edit – special anon message for you: For meditation anon: There's a common misconception that meditation requires you to "quiet your mind" and disallow it to wonder, but really, it's more about getting into a flow state where you allow your thoughts to come and go with ease. It's mindfulness more than anything imo, acknowledging the thoughts but bringing yourself to a point where you aren't questioning/over-analyzing and thus reacting emotionally to them (like you ordinarily would throughout the day). It's okay to get distracted by your external environment or physical sensations, because you definitely WILL as a beginner, and still at times even if you're more advanced. It all comes down to practice, and the point is to train your mind, so any time you lose focus - Don't let it discourage you. Let it be a teacher of sorts. Refocus and try again. As you progress, you'll be less likely to get out of focus. Sitting isn't for everyone, definitely try things Arp mentioned, like walking!

[mittensmorgul]

8.13, Everybody Hates Hitler.

So, we've finally reached the point in the season where the new plot arc has finally been established, the current mental state of each of the characters has been divulged, and yet there hasn't seemed to be a true Big Bad emerge yet...

Yes, we have Crowley hassling Kevin and the Winchesters over the Demon Tablet, *we* know that additionally there is an Angel Tablet out there lurking in the hazy future (but the Winchesters do not yet), and we have Naomi using Cas like a puppet to do murder before snatching him back off the playing field in 8.10. But who, really, is the Big Bad here? To this point, it SEEMS like a good idea to use the knowledge Kevin is prying out of the demon tablet to learn how to slam the gates of Hell, but honestly... WHAT GOOD HAS EVER COME FROM MESSING WITH THE NATURAL ORDER?!

(honestly if it were me faced with the tablets, I would've ground them into sand, mixed them into batches of concrete all over the world, and scattered them so thinly they'd never be found no matter how many prophets or angels or demons go hunting for them)

But let's backburner that for when it will become relevant again (like, in the next episode, but I just wanted that laid out for context here). Let's look at the pointed context we get for things made out of clay and given unimaginable power by WORDS they contain.

The Golem.

AARON When I was – when I was bar mitzvahed, my – my grandfather gave me this little old book. It was in Hebrew. It was like an owner's manual for a Golem. DEAN Okay. Great. Get that, then. AARON I – I can't, exactly. When I went to high school, I sort of... drifted. I started getting off the academic track, and, uh, I kind of, um... I kind of smoked it. GOLEM The boy smoked the pages. AARON They were these thin, vellum-y pages. I mean, it was perfect for rolling. Look, they were driving instructions for a clay man. Okay? It was nonsense. Right? I mean… I... Okay. All right. Look, I'm sorry, okay? Why can't you just tell me what I don't know?! GOLEM [slamming his hands onto the table and leaning over it] It's not my place to guide the rabbi, to teach the teacher! It's not my place! Yifalchunbee!

He smoked the "driving instructions for a clay man." And now he's got a clay man he's sort of intuitively "reading" and "operating," but no real idea what he's doing with it. Sam and Dean are not comforted by this fact, considering the obvious potential danger the golem potentially poses without the understanding and knowledge to implement his power, you know? Without that knowledge, Aaron's basically flying by the seat of his pants, hoping this magically powered hunk of clay is A Good Thing and not A Dangerous Thing...

Sorta like the Demon Tablet, right? Just a magical bit of clay, powered by word, with no instruction manual and just assumptions and hopes they're interpreting it correctly. There's no warning labels, no explanations, just the Word.

AARON So, that's your plan – taking out my Golem? SAM It's not a plan. DEAN We would just feel a lot better if we knew how. That's all. AARON What makes you think you have any right to make that decision? DEAN Believe me, if we need the right, we will take it. AARON Look, he may be a pain in the ass, but he's my responsibility. SAM Look, the Golem was built to go to war. You're not trained for that. How are you gonna take that on? AARON I don't know.

Lots of unanswered questions. Unanswered BIG questions. Questions that one should really know the answers to before deciding to "take that right" to make unilateral decisions over things, you know? Like they've taken the right to decide to shut the gates of Hell, because on the surface (pffft) it sounds like a really good thing to do. What could go wrong with locking away demons forever, right? Demons have been fucking over Winchesters as long as they've been alive, and what a perfect way to get a lifetime worth of revenge and ensure the safety of the world, right?

More on that as the rest of the season unfolds, but we need to talk about the other half of this episode. The Bunker. The legacy that now belongs to Sam and Dean, and handed to them in the form of a Key, described as not only a secure building warded against every evil, but also a storehouse of every bit of lore encompassing thousands of years. Safety, home, comfort, knowledge, strength... it's everything they could've wished for, you know? Hewn from earth and filled with words... possibly too many words to ever read and understand them all.

But this is a revelation of a legacy for them to have discovered. Sam is fascinated by what makes it work. He can't figure out how they have water pressure or electricity, and yet they do... He wants to understand this building for what it is, while Dean takes immediately to just experiencing it. He literally makes himself at home, exploring it for its resources and claiming them as his own (from wearing the dead guy robe and slippers to casually playing with a sword on display). Sam needs to understand the place before he can allow himself to feel comfortable there, but Dean just... feels comfortable there. (which we'll also see first-hand in the next episode only to have it all stood on its head... so keep this in mind).

So we have Dean just... casually accepting things and saying them out loud without shame:

Dean: The, uh, water pressure in the Letters' shower room is marvelous.

Dean: That's weird. I thought I was being followed earlier. Turned out to be a gay thing. Sam: What? Dean: Nothing. You need a hand?

Dean: Sammy, I think we found the Batcave.

But Sam sees it in a different way, and doesn't even understand that they're still effectively seeing the same thing, but from different perspectives:

SAM Yeah. I still can't figure out how we even have water... or electricity. [He walks to the shelves to get another book.] DEAN Yep, well, I am putting that under the "ain't broke" column.

SAM Look at this. Ham radio, telegraph, switchboard. This was their nerve center.

Sam: Dean, look, I think we might have something here – something that could help us, help humanity. Henry certainly thought so. I mean, you know damn well we could use a break. What if we finally got one? Are you gonna take off the dead-guy robe?

And by the end of the episode, they've both begun to settle in, despite their different approaches to what that means:

DEAN What're you doing? DEAN opens the refrigerator as SAM sits down. SAM Ordering – I'm making a, uh, card entry for our, uh, copies from the Thule's red ledger for our collection.

Yeah, Dean's already installed a small fridge for drinks in the library, already putting his own stamp on the place and making it his own, but in his different way, Sam is also doing the same by putting his mark on the place with an official entry card for the filing system. (Yeah, Dean puts the beer back and instead pours them each some whiskey from a fancy bottle into some fancy glasses, but while Sam studiously works at the table, Dean reclines with his feet up on the table... their two different approaches in one nice image).

That can't possibly last...

The final bit of the whole “legacy” theme-- that the bunker is now a concrete (pffft) part of her family history through the Winchester side-- is one of the first mentions of Mary in a long time:

AARON: Take a seat. So... your grandfather was into all this supernatural stuff, too? DEAN Yeah, grandparents, mom, dad, truckload of cousins – the whole family was lousy for it, but we... [he looks at the GOLEM, which is still pacing] never had a Golem. SAM : Right. Yeah. We, um, we grew up in it, but you... didn't?

as I go to post this, I remember what the final song playing as the episode ends, “Sunny side of the street,” and recalled a tweet I saw this morning regarding the horrific heat wave we’re experiencing rn: Who the HELL wants to walk on the sunny side of the street?! Stay in the shade...

[dear-penelope]

January 18, 2020 - Age 23

Hi. There never seems to be the perfect time to do this, so I think I’m just going to bite the bullet and do the first one, that way the other ones flow easier. 

Hi. Today is Saturday, January 23, 2020. I am currently drinking a rip-off White Claw from Aldi, because that’s the kind of life I currently live. Last year’s me would kick my ass for ever /vaping/. It looks SO stupid. But here we are. But don’t be so sad! I got home from Portland this morning (I currently live in Southern California). Portland is, so far, my favorite place to travel. Let me tell you why I did it, Penelope.

Let’s name names. We have nothing to hide. We did some not-so-good things in the past, but no one is perfect. What matters is you recognize your problems, target them, and figure out how to change your toxic self in the future. Okay. Disclaimer done.

So, let’s first start off with if I was still with Alyssa, your name wouldn't be Penelope. This isn’t a post about Alyssa, this post is about you. And if by the time you’re here you aren’t called Penelope, I’ll know that choice was mine, and everything I’ll have written to you still holds absolutely true despite your name.

Penelope is a weird name. But I like it. If you have a twin sister, I like Scarlet. But at this point I’ve very happy with just you. It’s what I’ve dreamt about for a long time. My therapist thinks you will help heal a lot of parts of me that were not properly put together during my own childhood (I had this thought first... she agreed with me!). I need something to pour my love into without judgment. Facial love. Something I never really had.

Something that sticks in my head every day is when I told my mom, you grandmother, that I want a child because no matter what they’ll never hurt you or leave you. And she said the direct opposite. And she’s right. I hurt her feelings last year when I cut her off. But there are a lot of strains, a lot of factors. It takes two to tango. Penelope, I want us to have what me and my mom never had. 

Holy shit. Major side track.

Portland.

Alyssa, my most recent exes, one of two of my most real heart breaks, and honey it was bad, had already visited Portland. She and her friends did not like Portland. While she was going to be away for work, I decided I wanted to go on a little vacation, too! So, I planned my first solo trip ever. Portland. Goal? Prove it isn't boring like she thinks!

Days before my trip, she broke up with me.

I almost canceled it. Pen, I cannot describe to you in words just how much I loved that trip. It was some of the happiest I have ever been. Sometimes when you visit a new place, you think, “Wow, I could maybe live here,” or you might think “So glad to be home! I love California!” But, for me, Portland was it. The energy wasn’t like California. It wasn’t dragging. It was light. Friendly. Everyone was stupid nice. There was always something to do. Not a gross feeling anywhere. I felt like myself. The most me I had felt in a long while. AND? NO SALES TAX! It’s more affordable, has public transit, much nicer people, and overall the quality of life seems much more high. Not boring in the least.

So, I took another trip. I had to. The past semester about killed me. I deserved a break. I have been working really hard and making decent money for what I do (currently nannying: through an agency and my own business. I started my own in March 2019). I loved Portland in the cold just as I did in the summer. I really think that might be where we’ll be, P.

I went to the OMSI and there was an exhibit that had displays regarding the human reproductive system and they had this sensitive area of embryos/fetus’ from like a week after conception all the way to 40 weeks. The biggest part is they were REAL SPECIMENS!!!! I have only seem them on medical Instagram. The samples were not aborted, they were lost by natural causes. It was insane. I think I spent an hour looking at them / reading about them. It really made me feel the pain for parents who experience miscarriages / even the mother dying during birth. I mean, some of those babies were SO developed (Fetuses, sorry). So developed they could’ve been born any second. So developed I could tell at least a little of their race. I saw them covering their eyes/heads, or sucking their thumbs. It’s so human. But not quite. And, well, guess it got me thinking about you again.

I sound as creepy as Joe from “You”. But I just imagine everything with you by my side will be better than I could imagine it ever to be in general (I’m sorry, I’m experiencing a lot of emotions RN: someone’s tryna argue with me on Twitter, Good Love - Aly & AJ just came on, and I’m high.

Ok. Anyway. I do want to take you everywhere with me. But being a parent is hard in all ways - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, maybe even developmentally I don't know. And I want to raise you to appreciate what you are given, because I didn’t until I was older. I was too spoiled and not taught correctly. I was given a lot. No, I’m not the most privileged child (/now adult), but I know I have a HELL of a lot more than a SHIT ton of people. And I don’t want your life to be average. I want to have a home where you can run and play, have a crib, a stupid changing table, a backyard, can take dance classes or play a sport and do Mommy & Me classes. I do want to spoil you. But I want to you know that I’m trying. Because no one really ever has.

I’m 23. Chances are, I will be seeing you within the next seven years. Meg said it’s Zack’s decision. Zack asked for advice from his dad about what he would do if he were in Zack’s spot. But he only said he’s not in Zack’s spot. In seven years, we will see if you are part of me and part of Zack. He really is a wonderful guy, so handsome, so thoughtful, and also? I already know you’re going to be so CUTE but a little me and Zack is going to be SOOOOOO CUTE (not in the straight way because like Meg and Zack are my parents). Penelope, as you grow up I will make sure you know all the truths and I will help you understand as much as I am able to teach you. I meant about the family situation, but now this is kind of applying to pretty much everything about your life.

I will be honest about who Megan and Zack are to you, who I am, and anything else you want to know. Kids are a hell of a lot smarter than adults give them credit for. I look forward to teaching you and raising you.

I love where life is now. I love focusing on me. Lord knows I need it. But I’m really really excited to see you. Sometimes I’m afraid motherhood will be too much for me but that’s something I can’t return at the store or give up on and return to next year. But then I know I have a record so far of making it out out alive of my most difficult or my most embarrassing days ever, so odds are I’ll make it through whatever obstacles come to me / us in the future.

Love you, Pen B!

Mom? I guess?

Idk this is getting weird now.