#I might start with V for Vendetta though that seems fun (and it looks like a quick read)

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Welp I’ve done it again.

I have about twenty shiny new ebooks in my library. I read two of the short stories (“2 B R 0 2 B” and “The Beach Scene”). I definitely liked the latter better. It was very good. (Unreality and paranoia warning on that one for sure though). The first one kinda left me with a bad taste in my mouth; which prompted me to read the second lol

[shadow--writer]

I Heard That you Fell in Love or Near Enough

hm yes TITLE :D (mmmm slowed my beloved). Look a way longer chapter because we’re setting up some fun foreshadowing and I just went nuts with internal dialogue. So much fun with this lmao. It’s v chaotic 

Maeve x Lucas. From bad to worse. 4.5k (we arent gonna TALK ABOUT IT)

TW (more squicky than anything): mention of blood, robbery, LOTS of language 

@dela-png

To say today was a terrible day was the understatement of the century. 

First she didn’t get any sleep due to some noise going on close by. Of course it had to be loud on the first day she was actually willing to sleep in mm say...two three days? So she was even more irritated in the morning. 

Then of course after eating she went downstairs and screamed so loud she broke her soundproofing charms.

Fan-bloody-fucking-tastic.

She kicked at the broken pieces of what used to be one of her tables. Looked like someone took a running jump and broke it. 

And to top it all off she had been robbed. 

She let out a frustrated yell, muffling it by biting down on her knuckles. 

“Gods and stars fuck,” she snarled, stomping her foot once as she tried to think things over. There was paint. 

There was paint everywhere.

And don’t even get her started on the blood.

Bloodied handprints! All over her front door! Smeared along with the paint.

“And what the fuck is with this W?!” She spun to look at her back wall, palms open. Blue paint. Like her tattoos. She rubbed her arms as she moved closer to look at it. 

Crescent spots. A W. What was this? A threat? 

They left a calling card of course it was a threat. But why against her? Did she do something? Not that she remembered. 

Was it to get to someone?

But who? She had cut off everyone who tried to get close besides the kids. And she doubted someone would go to...these extremes to get back at a child.

Maybe she did something. 

But even if she did, what did these even mean? Wouldn’t it be more effective to threaten someone who recognized the markings? 

Ugh it was giving her a headache. 

She moved to her trashed backroom, grabbing a cleaning bucket and a rag. Taking the green handkerchief from it’s hook and rolling up her sleeves she knew it was going to be a doozy of a day. 

And of course, with her luck, her lucky stars, it got worse. 

~~

She collapsed against her counter, now covered in blood and so much fucking blue paint. They had painted those damn animal print spots all over her fucking clinic. 

AND they had stolen the medicines she kept locked up! Including the herbs she made them from!

Oooh if she ever got her hands on the thieves she was going to make them regret laying eyes on her clinic. String them up she would. Might even skin them like a fish if she was in the mood. 

Oh great she’d have to go to the market as well. Sure she was now out of food. She had been meaning to go. 

But fucking hell did she not want to. 

She adjusted the green handkerchief (it...stopped smelling like him), cleaned her paint stained hands down the front of her skirt and steeled her nerves.

Oh she hated going to the market for many many many reasons.

Reasons she was not going to go into.

Grabbing her basket and muttering to herself angrily, she slammed the door to her clinic shut, locked it and then stared. 

“...they’re going to come back. Dipshits won’t stop. Not after one night,” she huffed, resting her palms on the door.

Locking charms. Right. 

Aislin taught her this one. 

Breathing in and holding the air, she willed her magic to life. A gentle warmth settled across her skin, small locks appearing at her fingertips. This didn’t take energy from her, she pulled from the air around her. Aislin’s magic was more wind and air stuff so this was easier for her younger sister anyways. Much stronger than Maeve’s locks. 

Speaking of, thank goddess her charms held. She didn’t know what would’ve happened if whoever stopped by had managed to get into her house. 

Stepping away to admire the fading glow on her door, she nodded, satisfied. There. Those would have to do. She might need to update her soundproofing charms though. 

Who knew the neighbors didn’t like it when patients screamed? The things you could get away with back home. 

Stepping away from her clinic she made her way down the street. 

Maybe if she tried a disguise spell so she wouldn’t be bothered…

No, that wouldn’t work. She was shit at disguise spells. No one in her family was good at them. Last time her Seanmháthair tried she grew a fake beard and it didn’t go away for a week. 

...fine she would just suffer then. 

It’s not like once she got there anything could possibly get worse. No sir. Only being fucking robbed and then having to deal with the market. 

All she had to deal with for today. 

Letting out a sigh she walked into the market. It didn’t take her long to start gathering medication and plants. Of course they were backwater stalls. 

But it’s always been like that. 

Feeling a bit lighter she started to hum as she went through her mental checklist. Still didn’t have aloe, the asshats stole her entire fucking plant. 

...she also didn’t have anything to make lunch.

Great. 

She opened her eyes, turning around to go look for something to eat, letting out another small sigh.  

And there was Lucas. 

She choked on her sigh. 

Why oh why did he have to be there today of all days. She couldn’t even go back home! She needed something to eat (thinking about it now she hadn’t eaten in quite a bit) but noooo. 

So why did all those stars and spirits above decide today would be a good day for him to come to the market as well?

Sometimes she wondered if some deity had it out for her.

She turned to quietly sneak away.

“Thumb- Maeve?”

...oh fucking fuck. 

She forced a smile, slowly turning back around. Mmmm so this was how today was going to go. Fucking fantastic. “Giiiiant.”

...too informal, too informal. Abort mission.

He flinched a little at the nickname. Ah yes, this is definitely how she wanted her afternoon to go. This was perfect. So wonderful. 

She was going to fight whatever star had been assigned to watch over her and her fate.

“What are you doing here?”

Wow it wasn’t obvious? “...shopping. What else would I be here for?”

“Shopping for what?”

Oh she did not like his tone. Her eyes narrowed. Her basket swung off her wrist as she placed her hand on her hip. Sure maybe snapping at a seven foot tall man who was still fairly hurt and mad at her (for good reason) was not the smartest thing she could’ve done but…

She was in a terrible mood and ready to just go home and call it a day. Of course after she actually got what she needed for dinner. And actually eat something.  

“Do I have to tell you anything?” she huffed. “I am here to get something to eat for dinner and herbs to make more medication? There? Is the marketplace police happy?”

His eyes widened. “O-Oh! Didn’t mean to come across…” The softness and the...actual innocence of the apology sent her reeling. Then, as her luck would fucking have it, he seemed to remember he was still mad at her. “...sorry.”

She rolled her eyes, moving to look past him. Fine. This was fine. She just needed to get something for her to eat. Maybe something for Tehi. The old bat would kill her if she went hungry. 

Maybe she herself could deal without dinner. 

Her mood soured even more when she spotted mortal enemy of Maeve #1. 

The fruit stand guy. Malory. (it was a very unfortunate name)

Malory’s eyes narrowed when he spotted her. “Well well well, if it isn’t the little thief.”

She shifted away from Lucas, glad she now had someone to direct her building frustrations to. 

“I am no thief, you just want me gone!” she sneered, glaring at him. “You accuse me of taking things and then try and get me arrested! Every time I come here! Without fucking fail! Aren’t you tired of it?!”

“I will never be tired of it until I see the likes of you behind bars!”

“Unfuckingbelievable!” She threw her hands into the air. “I am not a thief! It was an accident. Tehi was hungry and I paid for it!”

“Your little bat has it out for me! And her owner is no prize either.”

She gasped in offense. “You fucking dickjerk ASSHOLE!” Her footsteps were loud to her ears against the rush of blood. Oh he got on her very last nerve. EVERY TIME! She jutted a finger at him as she growled. “I. Did. Not. Steal. Your. Shitty. Merchandise!” Well that was a half lie. His produce was quite good. 

It’s why Tehi stole from him so much. 

All too bad the guy selling was a balding old man who had it out for her. A vendetta! 

“Malory you are a slimy weasel who has no idea what he’s fucking talking about! Tehi was hungry. I caught her and I paid for the few grapes she had stolen. What else do you want?!”

“For you to go to jail!”

She was on the verge of fighting him. 

This close. 

“For the last time,” she snarled, stomping closer as she felt her skin heat up with her rage. She slammed her hands on the counter of his stall, opening her mouth to snap back. The others around went quiet with the show they were getting. She. Was. Going. To. Kill-

The ground under her feet was all of a sudden not under her feet. 

And she was thrown over someone’s shoulder. Like a sack of flour. 

“Put me down! I demand it! Right this instant!” she yelled, smacking the back of the person who had picked her up. 

Gray shirt. 

Oh fucking hell. Today was just not her fucking godamned day. Maybe if she became a hermit things would go her way in the luck department. 

“Lucas set me down!” 

“Maeve as angry I am with you I don’t want to watch you murder someone and then get sent to jail.”

“Well he would fucking deserve it!”

“Murder is still murder no matter how much he deserves it.”

She sulked, propping her face up with her hand, elbow resting on his back. “I thought you hated me.”

“It’s broad daylight. Very least do it at night.”

“Killjoy.”

She and Malory glared at one another. “Fuck off,” she sniffed, lifting her hand in a very vulgar gesture. 

“Maeve!”

“Guards! Guards! These two stole from me!”

“FUCK YOU TOO, MALORY!”

“Maeve!” 

She kicked her legs. Didn’t Lucas like, hate her? This was the first time they saw one another in weeks and it was a total fucking accident. 

“Put me down!”

“...you’re going to give the guards a reason to arrest you if I do.”

“Yeah? He would FUCKING DESERVE IT!” She yelled the last part at the fruit vendor, still flipping him off. “Droch áird chúgat lá gaoithe! Go mbrise an diabhal do dhá chois! Go ndéana an diabhal dréimire do chnámh do dhroma!”

“Maeve what the hell are you saying?”

“Droch chrích ort! Droch chrích ort!” she said, waving her arms. “Go dtuitfeadh an tigh ort!” 

“Maeve I have no idea what you’re saying but watch your language.”

“You can’t tell me what to do,” she said, sticking her tongue out. “If I want this asshat’s house to fall on him I will tell him such!”

“...you said what?”

“You heard me! Go dtuitfeadh an tigh ort! Fucking bastard.” She sneered at Malory, who was still calling for the guards. Who were coming around.

Quickly. 

Ah fuck. 

And goody for Lucas, he was now an accomplice. 

Meaning she wouldn’t be able to get rid of him. 

Though judging by how people gave him a wide berth it wouldn’t be the absolute worst thing. Maybe she’d actually be left alone. (but why did people look so skittish? And then there was the anger? What the fuck did he fucking do?!)

“...shall I escape with you or do you want me to leave you behind?” He was still hurt. She could hear it.

But this was a short truce. 

She sulked, falling limp. “Fine. Carry me away. Just to a hiding spot. You can hide in one of the alcoves down the street if you hurry.”

“...thank you for the tip.” His voice was just dripping with sarcasm. 

“Well I’m sorry if I do this every other week and know what I’m doing!”

“You’re also tiny! You think I can fit in an alcove?”

“Fine! Don’t listen to me! Just set me down and let me get arrested! Save yourself.”

“You know I’m not gonna do that.”

“Oh you hate me anyways,” she groused, her filter was coming completely off as he moved quickly through the market. Guards shouted after them as he dodged the crowd. “Why not just abandon me?”

“Stop being dramatic, I'm not abandoning you.”

“Hmph you didn’t even touch the hate me part.”

“Just because I’m saving your ass doesn’t mean I’m not mad.”

“Ah! So you do hate me!”

“I never said that.” He didn’t elaborate, only tapped his fingers lightly on her thighs. 

She squirmed. “Hey buster watch the hands.” 

“Nervous tic.”

Even with his defense he didn’t stop. Little bastard. 

She kicked her legs a little as he ducked into an alleyway. It wasn’t what she recommended but oh well. 

“Hey stop that, you’ll get us caught,” he huffed as she tried smacking his nose with her heel. He shifted out of the way. 

“Put me down.”

“If you promise to be quiet I’ll put you down.”

“...fine.” She didn’t promise. 

He set her down, she huffed and dusted off the front of her skirt. 

“Malory is a fucking dick,” she muttered. 

“I thought you promised you’d be quiet.”

She stuck her tongue out at him again, getting more irritated by the second. “I never promised that. Only said ‘fine’.”

His eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms. “Don’t be a child.”

“I’ll have you know,” she snarled, pointing a finger at him. He almost went cross eyed staring at it. “I have had the shittiest fucking day today and seeing you has done nothing to improve my mood or overall day so thanks a fucking lot.”

“...you’re really going to blame me now?”

“Well I do not appreciate being picked up and thrown over your shoulder when I had the situation under control.”

“You were going to kill him.”

“I was and as I’ve said many many times; he would’ve deserved it.”

Lucas seemed to weigh what he would say next. She huffed, staring up at him with her fists at her sides. Damn him and his height. She was going to strangle the person that decided making him this fucking tall was a good fucking idea it made fucking arguing with him or even just ranting a pain in her neck. Literally. 

“Ugh!” she yelled, standing on her tiptoes to be at least a little taller. 

God fucking damnit she was just BARELY up to his shoulders now. He looked almost amused as she puffed up her chest a little. 

“You listen here buster,” she snarled, shifting so they were chest to chest. “I have had it up to here with the BULLSHIT I just had to put up with today!” 

His face was red.

Why the fuck was his face red?!

Excuse you sir, she was in the middle of a RANT here. 

And he was still fucking mad at her for the shit she pulled. Yeah sure it was to protect him. Yeah sure she should not be as close as she was to him at that moment. She should also not be ranting. She should also not have been robbed didn’t she lock her doors?!

Also why the fuck was he still adorable when blushing?! Unfair! She was calling bullshit! She was supposed to be distancing herself and her feelings to not feel attracted to him. But nooooo the gods and stars above just had to bless him with being so fucking adorble she wanted to kiss him. Oh stars and spirits she was not going off on a fucking mental tangent about wanting to kiss him. That was not going to happen.

Even though she was close enough to. 

Gods why did everything have to be so fucking complicated?! 

That’s it she was going to fight someone. 

“Hey! Are you listening?” she asked, they were now chest to chest. She was off kilter with being on her tiptoes, back arching to get a good look at him. God fucking- height. 

She growled, settling back down onto her heels. He pursed his lips to keep from laughing and that was it and that was the last straw.

She pulled him down by his ear, hissing through her teeth. “You listen to me here Lucas whatever-the-fuck your last name is.”

“K-Karimov.” He stumbled a little with the weird angle which she was holding him in. But somehow, the filter was off and so was her ability to care. 

“Thank you. You listen to me here, Lucas Karimov. I do not want to be stuck in this alleyway with you anymore than you want to be stuck with me. Today has had it OUT for me the whole fucking day!”

He seemed to hear something but she was too caught up in herself fuming to notice. “Maeve-”

“And don’t get me fucking started on what happened to me this fine morning-”

“Maeve!” He shifted out of her grasp. 

“-with my clinic and the mess I had to- MMPH!” He slapped his hand over her mouth, shoving her roughly against the alley wall, caging her in between his legs and resting his elbow beside her cheek. 

“Shut up,” he whispered, looking over his shoulder. 

She watched the guards run by their hiding spot, yelling about hearing something. 

His face was so close to hers, his breath tickling her ear as he murmured to her. “You’ll get us caught.”

She glared at him over his palm. He wasn’t looking at her. Her brows furrowed as she squirmed, but he held firm. He didn’t let go of her even as the guards disappeared. 

So she took matters into her own hands. 

Or well, between her teeth. 

So she bit down on his hand. Hard. 

He pulled away with a yelp. She scrubbed at her mouth with the back of her hand as he nursed his wound. 

“You...you bit me!”

She placed her hands on her hips. “You needed to let me go!”

“You bit me!”

“Indeed I did!”

“What put you in such a sour mood?” he muttered, rubbing the bite gently. 

“Hm? Bad mood? Me?” Her eye twitched a little. She was so done. She was actually ready to sleep for a million years. 

Fuck the nightmares he was starting to star in she was done. 

“Yeah! Me getting fucking robbed was great to put me in the best of fucking moods!” she snapped, pacing around the small space of the alley while she waited for the clear. 

She shocked him into a stunned silence. “You were...what?”

Her head whipped around and her eyes were deathly narrowed. Absolutely done. 

“Heavens and stars are ya deaf?” Oh no her accent was coming out. Fan-fucking-tastic her accent was coming out. “I was fuckin robbed! So I was not put in the bestest of moods today so you get to see me when I’m irritated. I know! I’m so fucking fun aren’t I?”

Who would’ve guessed having her clinic trashed and her things stolen then having to deal with both LUCAS and MALORY would put her in such a sour mood that she didn’t even care if half of her words were clouded by her accent?! Oh and being handled like a sack of potatoes REALLY added to it! Then being pinned…

Hmm okay being pinned against the wall by Lucas wasn’t the worst thing to happen to her that fine day. 

Even so she felt the tiniest spark of pride at biting him. 

Was she guilty over that? Surprisingly no.

Check back later. 

“Who...who robbed you?”

“Shit if I know! I’m sure that weird thing I found was a fuckin callin card though. Why do you care?”

“Calling card?”

“It was a pain in the fuckin ass to clean too! I don’t know where the hell they got all that blue paint to paint my entire back wall but they fucking did it! And then leaving the weird stains on my door. Blue and I don’t know probably blood. All and all it was fucking disgusting.” 

“...blue paint? What did they paint?”

She rubbed her temples. She did not have to share this with him. She did not have to share this with him. “Some weird crescent spots and a letter. Took forever to clean.”

Annnd she shared it with him.

“Spots? Letter?”

She cracked one eye open. “Yeah. I think they were either leopard or cheetah spots. Letter was a fucking W. And then they tried to break into my house and left bloody handprints! I had quite the scare this morning.”

All the colour drained from his face. 

“Blue...cheetah marks?”

“Did you just...ignore everything I just said? Yes! And blood! Like everywhere! They tried to break into my house and I don’t know why I am sharing this with you I should not be sharing this with you and I am going to regret this later but oh well I have no filter and I’m rambling.”

There was a slight anger swirling in his eyes. Barely contained. 

Even with how pissed she was it spooked her. 

What did he have to be angry about? 

“Were you hurt?”

“Does it look like I’ve been hurt?” He crossed his arms. She threw her hands into the air. “No! I have locking charms on my door. I didn’t hear them because of the sound proofing charms I have on my clinic and above that in my flat.”

Why the fuck did she just mention that?!

And she kept fucking going. 

This was it. 

If he didn’t hate her before because she rejected his kiss (like a fucking MORON. She did have a good reason for it (at least to herself. She was such a liar) but why oh why did she have to break things off with him. Granted if she kissed him that would’ve made things so much worse even though she really wanted to kiss him holy fuck she wanted to kiss him why was this hitting her now of all times when he was so close why was he so close and why did he look so scared and so pissed?!) he would definitely hate her now. 

Nice fucking going O’Connor. You did it. Messed up one of the only good relationships you’ve had in a while not just once but twice. 

Give the girl a medal. 

“Do you need help cleaning it up?”

“My tables are broken and I need to fix them and set them up again but I cleaned up this morning. All my medications and herbs were stolen. My tools. Stolen. My clinic? Fucking wrecked. Fruit stand guy? Tried to get me arrested again. You? Pick me up like I weigh nothing. So yeah. Having a great fucking day today.”

“...you are scary when irritated.”

“Oh and you barely scratched the fucking surface. I. Am. Going. To. Kill. SOMEONE!”

“Calm down Maeve the guards could hear-”

“I am not going to fucking calm down. I have bottled up everything for too fucking long. The only time I could sleep in peace was fucking ruined by my neighbors being obnoxious. And they bitch about me. So no a ghrá mo chroí, I am not calming down! You haven’t talked to me in weeks and now that you do you tell me how to feel and no. I am so done! I am done with you, I am done with Malory and I am done with the shitty fucking gods who decided creating me and giving me my fucking luck was a good fucking idea!”

Hold on. 

Did she just say that nickname out loud? 

The hurt on his face let her know that she did, indeed, say that out loud.

And he was taking it in the entirely wrong direction.

“...sorry.” His tone was deathly soft. 

Ah great.

Third times a fucking charm. 

“I...didn’t mean for it to come off that way. But you don’t need to curse me in another language.” Great, she hurt him again. As per fucking usual. 

Maybe he was right by calling her a trainwreck. Useless without him. 

Her voice cracked a little, hoarse from yelling. “Lucas-”

“The guards are gone now. I’ll...see you.” He was angry with her. 

Gods...fuck. 

“That's not what I-”

His expression was a mixture of hurt and anger. “I get it. You don’t like seeing me anymore. I was too...too much. Too much too soon. I understand. I overstepped again and I’m sorry.”

She brought her hands back to her chest as he moved out of the alley. “...if you go to your right and then down the first alley you should avoid the guards,” he whispered. “Get home safe.”

“Lucas I didn’t-” But he was gone. 

Her hands shook with both the raw snapping hurt of his words and just even more anger. 

“I didn’t insult you,” she snarled to the open air. “I said some dumb fucking shit by accident...a ghrá mo chroí.” It felt...right to say.

Because it was true.

He was her heart’s beloved. 

Even if he was a fucking dumbass. Shit, she was a fucking dumbass. 

Maybe she didn’t deserve love. If this was how it was going to treat her, maybe it was better if she just was...alone! 

Once again Maeve was off by herself. 

Hurting people she really liked because she couldn’t keep her dumb mouth shut. 

She muttered to herself as she picked her basket of new (if she found the perpetrators she was going to whoop their asses) medications and plants to make medications. 

Fan-fucking-tastic. 

She followed Lucas’ instructions after she ran into the guards on her normal way home. 

Damn you Malory you asshole.

With a sigh she arrived at her doorstep. His way added ten extra minutes to her walk. How fun. 

She peaked inside the clinic to see if anything else was destroyed but it was...cleaner than when she left it.

Her tables that had been turned over were set up again. There was paint and blood all over the tops of the tables but...they were up again. 

She ran her hands along the grooves, looking around. 

She stopped when she saw a small cloth bundle sitting on her counter. The string was a ribbon, and it was tied into a messy bow.

Her earlier bashes slowly dissolved as she stared at it. 

And that one lone butterfly fluttered to life. 

[gizkasparadise]

kdrama rec/review: bridal mask

KDRAMA AND CDRAMA MASTER LIST OF REVIEWS

Series: bridal mask / gaksital Episodes: 28 Genres: historical, action, drama, romance, tragedy, people screaming each others’ names in all capital letters 2006 anime style Spoilers in the Rec: im going to try to avoid them. im really, really going to try. but no guarantees If You Like, You’ll Like: zorro, robin hood, v for vendetta, chicago typewriter, vigilante shit, kate beaton comics on My Nemesis, mr sunshine, watching people become progressively unhinged, bad guys that become good guys, good guys that become bad guys, Parallel Narratives, cat and mouse games but they’re both cats, 2010 hair in a 1930s world, people in a room together internally thinking does he know that i know that he knows?

Rank: 9.5/10

GAKSITALLLLLLLLLLLLLL PREMISE

set during the japanese occupation of korea in the 1930s, bridal mask centers on lee kangto, an absolute shit weasel. like. good god, what an asshole. anyways.

kangto is a korean police officer who is employed by the japanese--meaning he’s essentially a rat/turncoat to his own people and supporting their colonization and abuse of power. it’s especially fucked up because kangto’s older brother was tortured so much by japanese police officers that he’s essentially lost his mind. people hate kangto. straight up hate him. 

as a lieutenant in the imperial police, kangto’s been working to catch members of the korean resistance movement, but left and right he’s been thwarted by...

THE BRIDAL MASK (gaksital in korean)

a mysterious figure who wears a mask resembling a korean bride’s traditional makeup. bridal mask is essentially zorro, fucking up shit left and right and generally making kangto lose his shit. he makes it his goal to be the one to apprehend and arrest this mysterious figure. seems straightforward, but as kangto’s search for the bridal mask continues, and the people around him are drawn into the hunt, it’s clear that shit’s not what it seems.

MAIN CHARACTERS

lee kangto/sato hiroshi/lee young

a korean man who works for the japanese as a police officer. 0% approval rating from the koreans and maybe a 5% approval rating from the japanese. kangto’s initial goals for joining the police force were to help his family get out of poverty, but his morality’s been cha-cha sliding progressively darker the longer he works for the police force. he becomes obsessed with catching the bridal mask and everyone would like him to really quit being an asshole but he will not.

catch phrase is bingo! takes over the nightclub stage when he’s feeling swaggy. would shoot the love interest. shoots pretty much anyone wearing a mask, really, then yells about it

oh mok dan / mild spoiler: esther / spoiler: boon yi

a patriotic korean woman associated with the independence army, mok dan commits acts of subterfuge and gathers intel against the japanese forces. her day job is a performer at a circus, where she lives and hides out from japanese officials whenever shit goes awry. when lee kangto sees her getting saved by bridal mask, he assumes she’s the bridal mask’s lover and therefore intends to use mok dan as The Bait. mild spoilers it turns out she was once childhood friends with lee kangto’s best friend, kimura shunji 

wears many amazing suits. has no problem with spitting or shooting. fears no boxes. can take a punch or 5. basically my dream girl it’s fine

kimura shunji

a japanese man and kangto’s best friend. coming from a family of influential, imperialist asshole samurai cops, shunji is the black sheep as he works as a music teacher for korean children, and is generally against the corruption and abuse of power when he sees it. basically the only one kangto’s never a straight up asshole to, including his family. the two practice what appears to be kendo together (i know jack shit about martial arts), and shunji’s a capable fighter. my default is to assume shunji is everyone’s favorite character, because he is my favorite character :’D, but if not i think he’s definitely the most compelling in the series.

wears bowties when he wants to dress to impress. rides bicycles both happily and tragically. has a thing for a childhood friend who saved his nanny. will give you a ride home after you’ve been tortured. save this man from his family. 

ueno rie/ra ra/ spoiler: chae hong joo

a korean woman from a rich family that was murdered by the independence army who later became a gisaeng. as a gisaeng, she crosses paths with a very important japanese man who later adopts her into his family. because the japanese police keep fucking up the apprehension of bridal mask, her adoptive father calls her to korea from japan in order to kill the vigilante

stealth fave?! will step all over you and makes grown men cry. hyper competent and hardcore. bridal mask’s best dressed (try again with the bow ties next year, shunji). men are weak

the bridal mask GAKSITAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the mysterious figure either ruining or making everyone’s day. dramatic horse escapes. dramatic rescues. generally just drama. symbolically destroys japanese flags/insignia a lot. GAKSITAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOME SUPPORT CHARACTERS SELECTED BY HOW MUCH THEY ARE MY FAVORITES 

mok damsari

mok dan’s father and a general in the independence army. v good at being rescued dramatically. knows how to make an exit and also bombs. dispenses life wisdom when he’s got free time in between rounds of being torture

lee kang san

kang to’s older brother, who joined the independence army and was tortured by the japanese police to the extent that he’s now lost his mind/severely mentally ill. dude just needs a hug or 20 and to never chase after a car ever, ever again because it makes me sad.

katsuyama jun

ueno rie’s bodyguard, which is amusing to me because she can clearly kill anyone she needs to, so it’s kind of like he’s a butler as well. stoic af, says maybe 20 lines in the entire series, but look, he’s cool

i dont like any of the japanese police officers because they’re dicks so they don’t get a feature :| 

Drawbacks

the production value is something you gotta settle into LOL. there’s the cheesy martial arts sound effects, sometimes it skews a little narmy, but once you get used to it and once the show gets progressively darker (and how) you adjust and then don’t notice it

my main #1 beef: mok dan starts to disappear in the last fourth of the series. like she’s still there, but she’s doing bullshit like making soup and just sitting at a table with nothing to say. as a character that’s so important in the first half, it’s severely disappointing the route that her narrative takes toward the end/she does become something of a satellite character even though i still love her

there are main character deaths--more than one. some people would say the ending is bittersweet but to me i think it’s straight-up sad (which is fine with me/appropriate for the story, i just know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea)

there’s torture and for the most part it’s shown / it’s not off-camera

shit gets dark. the first handful of eps might lull one into thinking is something like zorro or robin hood, but there’s a lot of fuckery and death by the time you get to the end

Reasons to Watch

i mean, it’s fun! which is a messed up thing to say about a dark show, but there’s a lot of twists and the show’s an extended game of cat-and-mouse that’s a good time because the audience knows certain things but the main characters don’t. the drama of it all!

Now That’s What I Call Character Arcs. kang to + shunji’s respective character arcs are amazing and are referred to as the best part of the show for a reason. you’ll hate and love them both throughout the series and it’s great. shunji was my favorite

i love both the female leads a lot. they’re totally different in personality and the sides that they’re on, but they’re both compelling and they have their own troubles and goals to work through 

one of the main characters looks around the chaos happening and decides to just fucking leave all these people behind forever lmao i love it

acting is great! some people knock on mok dan’s actress but i thought she was perfectly fine for the character 

i’ll admit, i’m into characters who become progressively unhinged and the actor who plays the character who does is so so A+

there’s romance but gd does it get dark sometimes. this is a plus or a minus depending on who you are lol

Final Thoughts.

[statusquoergo]

Harvey gets arrested! And might lose his license! And Samantha is working on something special! And Katrina wants in! And everyone’s up against Andrew Malik! Boy, that’s a lot of stuff, this is going to be one jam-packed episode!

I mean, yeah, it is, but we’ll get to that later.

Continuing our merry cavalcade of returning guest stars, Harvey arrives at his condo, bottle of wine in hand, to find Sean Cahill loitering out front, having been arrested by Andrew Malik for “[conspiring with Harvey] to swap Mike Ross for William Sutter.” He’s shown up now to “get their stories straight.” Harvey responds by…demanding that he’s now Sean’s attorney of record so that they “can talk about anything and it’s not admissible,” and Sean agrees despite the fact that the optics will be downright awful. And very suspicious. These guys are idiots.

Looks like this week’s spin of the Wheel of Exploitable Social Justice Issues landed on the #MeToo movement; Esther Litt, appearing for the first time since Season 5 (“Hitting Home” [s05e07]), with zero lead-in, interrupts Louis’s dictaphone rant about his and Sheila’s attempts to choose a baby name to ask Louis to help her tank a merger which is apparently “solid as a rock,” on account of the fact that the company her company is planning to merge with employs her former mentor, Paul Richmond, who sexually assaulted her fifteen years ago. She doesn’t want to go public with the accusation because “women who come forward get put through a meat grinder,” but she does want Louis to “make this deal go away.” Anyone want to put a bet down on Louis being able to keep his head and not out his sister to this piece of shit? I believe the odds in Vegas are sixty-five to one against.

Based on the fact that Harvey “[doesn’t] give a shit about wine,” Donna quickly deduces that something serious must have happened to hold him up; Harvey confesses that Malik is after Cahill for conspiring with Harvey, which Donna and Harvey both know perfectly well is bullshit because Malik doesn’t care about Cahill (and how dare anyone other than Harvey be the target of some pointless personal vendetta). Long story short, they’re both worried, but they don’t have any other choice than to trust Cahill, so that’s what they’re gonna do.

I’m starting to think Suits is pulling out its courtroom set at every possible opportunity in an effort to maintain its credibility as a legal drama, since ninety percent of the buffoonery that goes on at the firm itself is just everybody’s torrid social affairs occasionally gilded with the odd misuse of legal terminology. So here we are again in court for some distinctly not-a-trial activity as Malik argues that Harvey should be removed as Cahill’s attorney based on the fact that he’s the one Cahill allegedly conspired with, and they’re trying to use attorney-client privilege to get away with the crime.

Couple things; Malik’s case might’ve been strengthened by bringing up Aranson v. Schroeder, 671 A.2d 1023 (N.H. 1995), wherein a “malicious defense” liability was created for “counsel who engages in the fostering of an unfounded defense or pursues a defense for an improper purpose”; also I hate to break it to…all of them, but Harvey’s only been Cahill’s attorney for about a day, and the subject of their alleged conspiracy wasn’t regarding legal advice or representation, so it’s not covered by privilege.

Harvey asks how this is any different from a joint defense agreement, the answer being that a JDA refers to communications between a client and attorney being conveyed to another of that attorney’s clients, not communication between an attorney and one of his clients (even if the attorney is also his own client), but Malik instead accuses Harvey of setting the case up for a mistrial (how) so Harvey offers to resign if Malik wants to hand it over to someone else. Malik refuses to “[walk] away from a case [he’s] been building for eight months,” Harvey claims that Malik isn’t charging Harvey directly because it’ll look like a vendetta, and the judge interrupts their little cat fight to decide that Cahill’s willingness to waive his right to a mistrial grants him the “right to his counsel of choice,” because those things are related, and “[he wants] discovery documents in [Harvey’s] office in an hour,” so I guess one hour of Suits time equals six months in the real world, if any mathematicians in the audience want to do the calculations.

Louis shows up in Katrina’s office to make a delightful hypocrite of himself in light of this episode’s “women’s rights of autonomy” theme to declare that whatever she’s doing isn’t as important as what he needs her to do, although I guess it’s fine since she caves immediately? Anyway he shows her the terms of the merger and she reasons that the thirty percent premium (the what now?) means that the company must be covering for something, so all Louis needs to do to tank the deal is figure out what that is.

Surprise! Malik called Faye to get Harvey kicked off Cahill’s case. Harvey continues Louis’s beautifully unaware misogyny theme by telling Faye that she’s “not a real attorney” (uh, yeah, she absolutely is) and refusing to drop Cahill, which Faye counters by informing Harvey that she’ll represent Cahill instead (I told you she’s a real attorney) because Harvey’s involvement is a conflict of interest, which she knows for a fact because—wait for it—she read Malik’s affidavit from Kevin Miller “swearing that [Harvey] conspired with Sean Cahill to get Mike Ross out of prison.” Harvey blows her off by claiming that he has “actual work to do,” as though the affidavit doesn’t implicate Cahill exactly as much as it implicates Harvey, and at this point it’s really inarguable that Harvey deserves to be arrested for something, I don’t even particularly care what it is anymore. Maybe someone’ll frame him for murder, that’d be a fun change of pace.

So I hope no one took that bet that Louis would hold his tongue during his meeting with Richmond, because after a brief back-and-forth that ends with Richmond declaring that Esther’s company is his now, Louis absolutely loses it, yelling that Richmond is a “piece of shit” and that he knows what he did, threatening to “come right after [him]” if he doesn’t give up on the merger deal. Richmond basically admits to having assaulted Esther but says he’ll charge her with slander if Louis doesn’t drop the issue, and I know this isn’t Law & Order: SVU or anything, but seriously, this plotline is being handled with all the tact and deftness of a baked potato.

Reviewing the massive trove of documents they received during that magical one-hour discovery, Cahill makes what in hindsight is an excellent point when he asks if “Mike Ross [was] really dumb enough to straight up tell his cellmate what he did.” Harvey defends Mike by saying that they needed Kevin to trust them, and Cahill complains that if Kevin doesn’t recant, he’s going to “slap him with a parole violation and he’s going back to prison” (what?), although Harvey points out that would make Cahill guilty of witness tampering, so maybe let’s not. Alex, who’s helping them out because how’s he supposed to earn his pay this week if he’s not on camera, suggests using the power of the SEC to put pressure on Malik, because “this is a vendetta, and when it goes south, it’s gonna look as bad for Malik’s superiors as it does for him.” Assuming it does go south, of course, but I’ve certainly never accused any of these guys of any sort of modesty before and now seems a terrible time to start. Meanwhile Alex will keep investigating why Malik is doing all this now, being that “the Sutter case was in the public record and so was Mike’s release,” and that was like…three years ago. I think. Point is, it’s been awhile.

To answer Alex’s totally legitimate question about the suspicious timing of all this, Harvey arranges a meeting with Kevin Miller, who explains that he was given immunity (I guess for his nonexistent role in the conspiracy), contingent upon his not warning Harvey what Malik was up to, in exchange for his testimony, because “if [Malik] convicted Cahill and [Kevin and his wife Jill] didn’t cooperate, he’d void the deal [they] made, Jill would go to prison, and [Kevin would] go with her.”

Okay so first of all, this threat relies on Malik convicting Cahill, but without Kevin’s testimony, he basically has no case, so that means nothing. Second, if he’s talking about the immunity deal he offered at the start of that conversation, what the hell does he have to offer Kevin immunity for, and if he’s talking about the deal Harvey made with Cahill acting on behalf of the SEC, the SEC is definitely not under the purview of the judiciary of New York, so Malik really doesn’t have the authority to go around overturning it in the first place. And I mean I get Kevin not knowing that before he gave his testimony, but why wouldn’t Harvey mention it? Like, right now?

Then Kevin smugly confides that “[Malik has his] affidavit, but he doesn’t have proof,” referring to Harvey’s recording of Sutter, but, dude, an affidavit is proof. Either that, or Kevin committed perjury, in which case he’s probably going back to prison no matter what deal Malik does or doesn’t have the authority to overturn. The one useful hint Kevin has to offer is that whoever set Malik off on the warpath after all this time, it wasn’t Sutter, because Sutter died eight months ago, so I guess this wasn’t a total waste of time after all. The big problem now is that Malik couldn’t have gotten this information from anyone but Sutter, but there’s no record of them ever having spoken; never fear, though, because Donna’s on the case! Turns out the information was a deathbed confession to another inmate. But who?

Pause on that one while Esther rips into Louis for breaking his promise not to tell anyone about the assault. Louis wants her to go public, she doesn’t want to do that to her kids, there’s a lot of yelling, and she tells him to leave both her and the issue alone.

So who heard the deathbed confession? Returning guest star and resident creeper Charles Forstman! Forstman admits that he arranged all of this specifically to spite Harvey, of course, and refuses Harvey’s offer to maybe get Cahill to possibly cut his remaining sentence in half in exchange for giving up the goods because “the side [he’s] on is always gonna be the side that’s against [Harvey].” Side note, he is easily my favorite character in this episode, and this is very much my favorite scene.

Part II

[freshlyjuicedbeetles]

Before I Rose - A V for Vendetta fic.

V’s life before Larkhill

Warnings: Dystopia, transphobia, misogyny, heteronormality, homophobia. 

The first time I realized there was something terribly wrong with this country was when they started taking away books.  

 I was a Creative Writing and Literature professor at the University of London. I was new, only in my fourth year of teaching. My name was William Murphy Dietrich. Everyone called me Murphy. I enjoyed my profession immensely. I enjoyed my students and essentially, being paid to read and impart my knowledge on nubile minds. My classes were the type where our craft was taken seriously as though it were a dying craft and we were the only ones to preserve it, to only speak in puns throughout an entire class period and laugh uncontrollably. That was what I wanted. I wanted my material and those of my students to be taken seriously, while still having an inviting comradery and dialogue with them. I had solid relationships, my students. I was a bit worried about that at first, I was only a few years older than my senior students and hoped it would not be an issue. I also taught the general education portion of Literature to first- and second-year students. I wanted them to leave me with a solid framework of knowledge about literature that would continue throughout life. Shakespeare, Faust, Borges, and Dumas, going into depth about the pieces that may have only been glossed over in secondary school or introducing entirely new works.

 The day in question started like any other. It was a Tuesday and I had my Creative Writing classes that day. It was the day the world began to end and Norsefire began. It was just after the beginning of the fall semester. The air was cool, and the leaves were starting to turn and litter the ground. I walked from the parking lot to the building that held my classrooms and office. The tube stations had been permanently shut down for a time, necessitating my need for a car despite living in London proper. I didn’t mind the make and model as long as it served its purpose and had a decent sound system. Even then, I had a ravenous appetite for music. That day, I had my earbuds firmly planted in my ears.

 Many hellos and other greetings where exchanged between myself and my other students as I made my way to the classroom. When I entered the room, my students had already assembled the room as I liked it. I would turn out the lights in my classrooms and open the blinds, allowing for natural sunlight to come in. They would move their desks in a circle. They were ready to go, with their laptops and notebooks out, chatting and laughing with their fellow classmates. I had had each student previously at least once, if not during their entire time at the university. I knew each of them well. I took an empty seat in the circle and began roll call as my own laptop started. Due to the nature of my Creative Writing class, a class that centered on peer to peer critiques, I was able to keep those classes small and intimate, ten students or less. This allowed each student to get an in-depth critique from the other students and me.

 “Morning everyone!” I called, taking a large drink of coffee. “How is everyone?”

 I was answered by a few affirmatives. I noticed one of my students, Micha, who taught his entire university career Senior, English Ed. Major, had his head down on his desk, lightly snoring.

 “Might I remind you all of my falling asleep in class policy. You subject yourself to any kind of prank I think of to wake you up and send you to the front of the class and dance to any of the songs from the Rocky Horror Picture Show to get the blood flowing.” I stated, mischievously.

 I started clapping and the rest of the class joined in, giggling and grinning. Micha soon awoke, joining in on the superfluous clapping. He yawned and looked around, noticing we were watching him. Realization dawned on him. My tactic was infamous.

 “Oh, God! You jerk, Murphy!” Micha exclaimed, holding his reddened face in hands as he chuckled good-naturedly.

 I smirked, pulling up music on my laptop. “Get up and show us your best Time Warp!”

 The class and I laughed heartily as he danced, enjoying the spectacle he was putting on. Micha went full on with the dance, enjoying it just as much as we were, making eye contact with each of us. If he had a feather boa, he would have used it. A few other students joined him in the middle of the circle, dancing as well.

 It was times like these I wondered if I would have had as much fun as I did teaching the artistic students than I would I had taught more science minded.

 “Don’t beat yourself up about it. You were a good sport. It happens, just try not to let it happen again.” I said once he finished, patting him on his back. “One day I want the band to get involved, at least the percussionists,” I said ominously.

 “Anyway, on to our topic!” I said, drumming my hands on my desk. “I want you all to write a short piece of description. Description is the meat and potatoes of writing. You must walk a line between too much and too little. Too little description and your readers are lost and disinterested. Too much and they are bored down with details and your work collapses on itself. Just the right amount centers them and gives them a visual idea of the places and characters. Think of description as decoration. Would you rather spend your time in a nicely decorated room or one that is unpleasantly sparse and utilitarian, or perhaps gaudy and overdone? Pick anyone or anything in this room or something we would all know and write about it. I’ll give you,” I paused looking at my watch. “ten minutes to write and afterward, we’ll go around the room, you’ll read your piece and we’ll try to guess what your subject matter is. Aaaand go!”

 The class nodded and starting scribbling and typing away. Ten minutes later, we started our critiques. “Who volunteers as tribute?” I asked, scanning the room for a volunteer.

 One of my newer students, Samantha, whom I had only had once the previous year, raised her hand. I smiled, nodding for her to start.

 She was nervous but excited to read her work. She smiled as her hands shook and her voice wavered and stuttered. “He stands tall and thin, short wavy black hair which he either spends hours to perfect or simply rolls out of bed. He’s partial to button up shirts, khakis, boat shoes and carries a leather satchel with earbuds almost permanently glued to his ears though it served a vital function in keeping him alive.”

 “Murphy!” The class answered.

 I grinned, giving a small, dramatic bow of my head.

 After the class, I went to my office and checked my email. I had several students emailing about a textbook snafu at the campus bookstore, university spam about events going on around campus. I was let down and disappointed when I saw an email from an intended speaker for my Literature 2 class, London based author John Hammond had to cancel due to his daughter falling ill but would be happy to reschedule. I was eager to meet him and to hear him speak and found his works insightful and thought-provoking. After sorting through emails and contacting the bookstore, I kicked my feet up on my desk and began reading my students work for a critique.

 After finishing several, there was a knock at my office door, looking up, I saw my brother, Gordon. Even though I am younger than my brother Gordon, I was his protector in school. Though tall and lanky, I was scrappy. If I saw something I didn’t like, I did what I could to fix it. Children can be little monsters, smelling fear and difference on their intended victim. I threw more than few punches for my brother until he became known as the class clown, winning people over with his wit and humor. I didn’t like my brother being harassed for things as inane as his weight. He had better things to be harassed about and only I could do so.  

 Our parents had also been professors at the university. They retired before I graduated. Our mother was a professor of botany and our father taught piano as well as several other music classes such as ‘The History of Rock and Roll’ and ‘Jazz Studies.’ Dad continued to teach piano on his own time and Mum began work on her doctorate. Both Mum and Dad taught us their trades.

 “Look who the cat drug in. The same man who won’t return my calls or texts has granted me the honor of his presence.” I teased.

 “Do you have a moment? Or 60?” He asked, nervousness lacing his voice.

 I dropped my feet from my desk, sensing the significance of the upcoming situation. “Yes, of course,” I answered, gesturing to the seat in front of my desk. He closed the office door and sat down.

 “I’m gay, brother.” He said unceremoniously.

 “Yes, I know. We all know.” I nodded casually, intending for him to go on and get to the point.

 “What?” He had an expression of relief and confusion.

 “We’ve all had the inkling for some time now. No one cares.” I replied.

 “How do you know all of this?” Gordon asked.

 “That you’re gay or their feelings?

 “Both.”

 “We talk about you when you’re not around,” I said nonchalantly, shrugging. “It seems with Mum that what made her think was your lack of female company.”

 “What? You don’t have a girl either!” Gordon blustered.

 “I am but a humble university professor, married to his craft,” I said dramatically. “It’s a horrible stereotype, but if the shoe fits. I prefer my solitude… Also, Mum found your secret stash of Japanese yaoi tentacle and tamakeri porn back in college, that may have told her something was up.”

 “If the shoe fits?” Gordon sputtered, “You don’t even wear socks half the time!”

 “That’s what you take offense to?” I laughed, “I hate constricting clothing. I’m claustrophobic.”

 Gordon huffed a sigh of relief, rubbing his face and eyes with his hands. “Well, this went better than I expected.” He sat back in the seat and thought for a moment.

 “Really? No one cares?”

 I shook my head, “Not a soul.”

 “I had a speech and everything!” Gordon complained. “Can I still do my speech?” He looked at me hopefully.

 “No.”

 “Fine. Anyway, I wanted to run this idea by you for a sketch. Sutler…in drag.”

 I winced. “Oh, that is a truly unpleasant sight. However, allow me to critique...” I paused, forming my thoughts. “You’re new. This is only your fourth season. Are you sure you can get away with that? Or that anyone could, for that matter? Sutler has an awfully thin skin.”

 Sutler rose to power in the parliament amid multiple unsavory allegations; sexual assault, rape, racism, etc. etc. He ran on the ultra-conservative ticket, promising to bring back morals and strong values, despite the vocal objections. He even had his own party; Norsefire which many believed to be a Nordic supremacy hate group. Somehow, he won his seat. In my opinion, his mouth was bigger than his mind.

 “Yeah, he’s the kind of guy who forces his prudeness on others, isn’t he? He doesn’t want to drink, so you shouldn’t either type of bloke. Still, he’s an easy target,” Gordon shrugged, grinning.

 “Just be careful. I don’t want to have to pay for postage to whatever gulag he throws you in,” I teased.

 Gordon stood, “No worries, brother. It probably won’t even air until next year. Who knows what could change between then and now?”

 Time passed. The news became more vitriolic, hijacked by Sutler and his party. One-sided news pieces and corrupted studies on how this race is less than. Pollution was skyrocketing, Ebola was creeping out of Africa like a monster in your closet.

 “Avoid contact with black people,” The news warned.

 Thousands died in a protest against ableism in Leeds when it went awry. The news admonished the protestors for being spoiled kids.

 Around the same time, the entire royal family had died in a mysterious accident while returning from the former United States. We all knew it was coming; the ravens had left.

 Sutler called for the end of the monarchy, urging that it was time to move on from such antiquated ideals. After no other rites to the thrown came forward, the regime of Norsefire began, led by Sutler himself as Chancellor. Somehow, the people found him to secure and believed he could lead the country to peace and prosperity.

 Things escalated quickly from there. It started with dogs. Breeds were being regulated to ‘no fearsome sorts’. What kind of guideline was that? My grandmother had a poodle named Terrance that Gordon and I were terrified of as boys while our cousin Charlie had a Boxer that was as sweet as could be. It seemed as though Norsefire was slowly trying to remove any sort of protection we had as citizens. Of course, they took away any weapons just short of letter openers and cap guns around the same time. It didn’t really stop the mass shooter problem either.

 I sat back and watched, stunned. I couldn’t help but remember all those times I was too lazy, too inconvenienced or refused to vote for a subpar, a lesser evil candidate. Should I have voted all those times? Did my vote, my single tick on a touchscreen, matter that much? Would the lesser evil candidate that I was just as unsure about have been a better choice than the one who won? Would my vote even count? Voter suppression was rampant. If it wasn’t that, votes had somehow ‘gotten lost’ or ‘corrupted’.

 The snow crunched under my feet as I walked to my office. I had been annoyed that day due to having to use margarine instead of butter in my eggy in the basket at breakfast. It threw off my entire morning. Mum used to make it for Gordon and me. In my inbox, an email from the university’s president caught my eye. An important and mandatory meeting was scheduled for the end of the week.

 Still, my classes continued on as normal, our own self contained and insulated bubble of freedom. We were the true kings and queens. We said what we wanted and thought as we wanted. I did not censor my students. However, I did start to lose some students who were Pro – Norsefire. Shame and fear drove the people out. It upset me. As much as I wanted to, I never tried to dissuade someone from their beliefs.

 I barely thought of the meeting during the week, my mind was bogged down with more important things such as midterm grades and the latest horror show on the news. I tried to make myself as small and inconspicuous as possible when out in public. The Fingermen, Norsefire’s pseudo, Gestapo-esque police force was itching for a fight and was above the law. Anyone who dared challenge Norsefire was met with a black bag around your head, sent to a reeducation camp. You never came back no matter what Norsefire promised.

 Before the meeting, I grabbed a coffee and a granola bar. The meeting was likely a boring housekeeping one about the upcoming instructor evaluations. I considered listening to an audiobook instead but decided to be a good employee and listen, even if it rarely deviated from the last three years’ worth of meetings.

 I took a seat in the back. The moment the President stood, the air thickened, it was something about his stance. He looked rigid and concerned. This wasn’t a regular meeting.

 “Good morning, colleagues. I am here to announce a few changes coming to the University starting immediately.”

 As I sat in the meeting, it grew worse and worse. Norsefire was going to heavily censor many of our courses, especially the gen eds. In the science department, evolution and any sexual education were being heavily censored. Our Women and Gender Studies, Religious Studies and any other classes or major pertaining to another culture, living or otherwise, was being eliminated. Basic safety in the orientation seminar was introducing abstinence-only, shame and biases which would likely decrease and reports of sexual misconduct on campus. These changes would come into effect at midnight the following day. This left upwards of a thousand students without majors and/or classes, many already in progress or nearly complete, not only disrupting their education but their living arrangements and financial aid as they were no longer enrolled.

 After the meeting, the staff and I all filed into a single line and was given a packet depending on our department of material we were no longer allowed to teach. I went back to my office and closed the door. For several moments, I sat at my desk and stared at the ugly yellow packet in front of me. Finally, I opened it. Inside, there was a list of books, poems and short stories I was not allowed to teach. Failure to comply would result in revocation of my credentials and degrees, expulsion from the university, a hefty fine and a sentence to a reeducation camp.

 “So, this is how education dies…”

 To Kill a Mockingbird: Maybe not all people of color are criminals.

 The Outsiders: Don’t let the nasty world beat the good out of you.

 The Scarlet Letter: Hester Prynne was without womanly shame.

 The Life of Pi: Not Christian enough.

 The Perks of Being a Wallflower: Weirdness is not bad and does not villainize a gay character.

 The Hunger Games: That’s obvious. A young woman who overthrows a dystopian government? It was one of the first to go.

 I am Malala, Harry Potter, Fahrenheit 451, Ellen Hopkins, Kurt Vonnegut, Darwin, Huxley, Angelou. The cultural mind was closing. Anybody who wasn’t white and Christian was a bad person.

 The day the changes went into effect was a sorrowful but angered one. In my classes, the mood was akin to death in the family. Instead of starting our lesson on Hemmingway and the Iceberg Theory, the changes were of discussion, even before I came into the room, my students were already in a heated debate about it. I just watched out the window at the campus below, my back to my class, as they ranted.

 “How can they do this? We have rights!” Josie exclaimed, her fist pounding her desk.

 “Not anymore.” Zach scoffed.

 “I can’t wrap my mind around this. Haven’t these people picked up a history book before? This shit has happened before, and it did not turn out well!”

 “Villains believe they are the heroes of their stories.” Kenny mused.

 “They’re humans like us and everyone else. They’re stupid like all other humans. We always think that we can do it better than the generations before us.”

 I had a few students who were utterly silent. I could tell they were wondering what was next.

 “This is fucking ridiculous!” Colton exclaimed, knocking over his desk.

 It was time to intervene. I turned to my class and was quite stunned to see that barely any of my classes had deserters, as Piper called them. Out of the five classes I taught, I had only lost five students. I would like to think that I had loyal students who were freethinkers and trusted me that caused this, while other arts classes suffered.

 “I think it’s best that we all take time to process this.” The first syllable out of my mouth calmed the ruckus.

 “Continue reading Hemmingway and working on your final. Remember, you have a choice to write a five-hundred-word essay analyzing Hemmingway’s techniques in his published works or a ten-page short story emulating his techniques in an original work. I still need the decisions from a few of you. Please have them to me by Thursday so you have ample time to work. You are all dismissed.”

 Music, movies and television shows did not fare any better. Anything more than mindless dribble and noise was either heavily censored or blacklisted. Celebrities were just as fair game when it came to the black bags as any other average bloke. Tabloids and gossipmongers didn’t seem affected though. I guess it pays to know which debutante had gone rogue.

 Words like collateral and rendition became curses, no longer appropriate for polite conversation. Rendition, another word for interpretation. In Norsefire’s world, nothing is left to interpretation and Norsefire tells you the ‘right’ interpretation and anyone who believes otherwise is a traitor. Collateral another word of security. Norsefire does not want you to feel safe and secure. If you do, why would you need such extremes that Norsefire uses?

 I should have known what would happen next.

 “Where’s Daniella?” I asked my Creative Writing 2 class. I hadn’t seen her in days and it was unlike her to miss a class, “Has anyone seen her?”

 The class looked back and forth at each other like they were in on a secret I wasn’t. “She was black bagged last week,” Skylar said quietly, her words heavy.

 Of course. She was black and a transwoman; a complete undesirable in Norsefire’s eyes.

 “Oh.” Was all I could say. Part of me was planning a daring adventure to break her out. The other was already beaten into submission.

 “Holy shit…” Preston said, his eyes wide and mouth agape as he slowly stood up looking out the window.

 We all clambered to the window overlooking the university center. The group Young Norsefire had signs and tables sat up. On the tables were books and Norsefire regalia and lighters. A distance away, several male students were starting a bonfire.

 It was a book burning.

 ‘Something is terribly wrong with this country,’ I thought, my face inches from the glass.

 My class and I stared in stunned silence. I had never seen a book burning before. It felt so primitive, so subhuman. Once the fire caught on, books were thrown with glee.

 “I think Wyatt Sanders just threw a copy of the Koran.”

 “Yeah, his buddy Josh just threw in The Great Gatsby.”

 “There goes John Steinbeck.”

 “And Stephen King.”

 I began to close the blinds and turned on the classroom lights.

 “Forget what’s happening out there. We still have class.” I said as I sat down in the circle. I continued class as the cheers of the Norsefire indoctrinated and smell of burnt paper permeated the room.

The latest social media trend became one of proudly burning books, submerging and otherwise defiling e-readers and wiping audio and e-books from their device’s memories. ALS Bucket Challenge – eat your heart out. Almost every video ended with the person or people yelling “England Prevails!” like a war cry. I had already seen too much of this for one lifetime.

 The news of the changes hit my department hard, but not as much as I expected. Still, enrollment in arts courses was dropping and we had lost several faculty members. It wasn’t just so that they were to pursue other career opportunities or earn a more ‘practical’ degree, Norsefire was truly frightening them. Anything that made them truly think was wrong and hurtful. Books and words carried ideas that Norsefire perverted into something scary.

 As though it couldn’t get any worse, during Christmas Mass with Sutler in attendance, a bomb was denotated. He was the lone survivor of just short of five hundred people, men, women, children, families. The news praised him for trying to save as many as he could and what a tragedy it was that he couldn’t save a soul. His photo, one of him in a tattered sweater, soot-covered and holding the mangled corpse of a little girl, her dress bloodied beyond recognition and his anguished face was splashed everywhere possible.

 I wasn’t sure if it was staged by his people or what, but it seemed to spook him nonetheless. Curfews were being instilled and roving surveillance vans were dispatched, patrolling the country. Sutler said that if they could hear the plans as they were being made, another bombing could be stopped. Voices sprang up in objection but were silenced, chided, that the surveillance was for our, your protection.

 Soon, official portraits of the Chancellor were shipped to every home in the British Isles “to be displayed prominently in your home” as a show of pride in our country and faith in our leader. I grimaced when mine arrived. I didn’t want a portrait of a creepy old man hanging above my mantle. It was soon forgotten under a pile of old coats in my closet. I half expected his eyes to be bugged with cameras.

 There was one bright spot on the horizon; Gordon’s new season would soon air with the first episode being the Sutler in drag one. I usually watched Gordon’s show but never made actual commitments to, but I really wanted to see this one.

 As the ten o’ clock news was ending, droning on about the war and chaos, I sat down with a late-night snack of junk that may kill me one day.

 Gordon started with his opening monologue about current events, making fun of celebrity baby names and such. He continued one of his most popular skits, The Boring Dystopia. His character was Norm Hall who tries to navigate an unjust society. On this night, in particular, he was pressured into buying designer oxygen due to air pollution.

 After several others and a few commercial breaks, Gordon sat at his desk and addressed his audience.

 “Esteemed viewers. It’s good to be back for a new season. I’d like to thank you from the bottom of my cold black heart for allowing me this honor.”

 The clicking of high heels on tile was heard on the stage, but Gordon continued to speak.

 “Ahem,” A masculine voice said off-screen.

 Gordon feigned shock as the camera panned just to Gordon’s right.

 Sutler stood there haughtily, in a black corset and panties, his hand on his hip in all his wrinkled glory. His rouge was too bright and unblended, his blue eyeshadow went past his bushy eyebrows. His fishnets hung loosely like his skin on his hairy legs as he twirled a ratty boa.

 I had just taken a drink of my soda. I inhaled to laugh, sending the carbonation throughout my sinuses. I laughed heartily even though I could hear the bubbles from my soda popping. It took several moments to compose myself. Every time I thought I was okay, I looked at the screen and the fit started again. I barely grasped what was going on. Something about Sutler being upset that he wasn’t invited as a guest. I had to leave the room when Sutler propped himself on Gordon’s lap, I could barely breathe.

 I blew my nose and wiped my eyes. I sent a text to Gordon giving him my approval of the skit. Then I noticed I had an email. I received an email from the president of the university saying government funding was being severely cut, my department receiving the brunt of it. I was ordered to update my yearly budget to meet the new criteria. A few minutes after the email was sent, my department chair sent an email to all teaching staff about a peaceful rally starting in front of the Language Arts building on campus and walking to the Norsefire headquarters. I immediately signed up. This was the last straw. I was done standing by and idly watching.  

 The email included several do’s and don’ts of rally safety. There were several things I needed for the rally. A comfortable pair of shoes, for one.

 My phone buzzed constantly with emails going back and forth of people confirming their attendance. Then, the email was sent to students who rapidly confirmed that they would attend as well.

 I started to feel giddy like I was planning a surprise. Sleep would not be happening any time soon, so I got dressed and hit the shops for rally necessities.

 I grabbed one of each charger cords available just in case one of my students or colleagues needed them. I bought a new power bank just to be safe. I couldn’t deny the practicality of a first aid kit or small clear bags in the accessory’s aisle. Columbine may have been years ago and in another country, but no one could argue the importance of a clear bag. I thought of even buying a special outfit and mask for the occasion but reeled myself in.

 I’m sure I looked quite odd to the lady at the till with my basket full of cords, clear backpacks, a first aid kit and a new pair of shoes.

 On the day of the rally, at 3:15 on the dot, everyone participating would abruptly stop what they were doing, especially if in the middle of a class and leave. We would all meet at the university center and walk the short distance to Norsefire headquarters.

3:15 fell during my Creative Writing 2 class. Several students had signs with them. “A couple of things before we leave. Your finals are due this time next week at 5PM. Please make sure you have them to me before then.”

I looked around the room for any questions or signs of confusion on their faces.

 I nodded, “Now about the rally. Remember, it is a peaceful one. No touching, not hitting, no fighting any counter protesters we may see. That includes yelling. If you feel you may be enticed to act out, Professor Martin has earplugs to drown out their voices.

 I began to pull out the clear backpacks from under my desk. “I bought these for all of you. I don’t want the police to think you’re hiding a single thing. Please, use these instead.”

 Several students hurried forward and claimed a bag.

 “Please be aware of your surroundings! I cannot stress the importance of the buddy system enough. You stay with your buddy, you look out for buddy. This includes the mundane things like making sure you’re both hydrated. It will keep your energy up and voices strong. Even if it’s only five degrees out, you can still pass out from dehydration. I wouldn’t put it past Norsefire to see your unconscious body as an easy target.

 “Make sure your phones are all charged fully. Even better, have external batteries or power banks. I have an iPhone XR and plenty of charger cords for several other models in my bag if you need a boost.  

 “I hope you told someone who will not be in attendance today that you will be going to this rally, as the original email instructed. If not, please do so now.

 Several heads bowed to send texts.

 “There is a very real possibility some it, not all us of could be hurt and/or arrested. Tell your contact they will hear from you at a certain time after the rally and if they do not, they must call a civil rights lawyer. In a similar vein,” I said as I dug in my leather satchel for permanent markers and began tossing them throughout the class.

 “Write an emergency contact number on your person in case you are arrested, and your phone is taken away.

 “As we march and when we get to Norsefire’s headquarters, keep your eyes moving. Anyone who looks suspicious is suspicious. Tell someone. Also, plan you exit if things go south. As we planned, all our rides back home will be parked a few blocks away and out of sight. It’ll be our home base of sort. Professors Tobias and Moore will be there with drinks and snacks if anyone needs them.

 “Water makes pepper spray worse. I see some of you already have masks. If you do not, Colton Pruitt as plenty extra, please wear a mask. If you are sprayed, milk will neutralize it.

 “If you plan to stream, go live or film during the rally, please be careful not to show any other protester’s face. Someone may get doxed. However, you see any of Norsefire or the police doing anything wrong, film it.

 “Lastly, if you do get arrested, remain calm and do not fight or argue. It’ll only make the situation worse. The best way you can fight back is in court. Do not run your mouth at the police or while you’re in jail. It can be used against you. Ask for a lawyer and sit tight. After you get out, document as much evidence as you can – any injuries you may have sustained when you were being detained and held, names, badge numbers and so on and forth. Any questions?”

 None. I was met with resolute faces.

 “Then let’s go.”

 My students and I filed out the classroom as several others did as well. We all formed a large mass as others joined from the rest of the university.

 In a sense, we were anonymous. No one outside of campus knew who we were. To Norsefire we were simply an idea personified. We were unfiltered and uncensored education.

 There was chanting, “EDUCATION is a RIGHT! That is why we HAVE TO FIGHT!” I stayed silent. We walked the several blocks, everyone on the street making way for us and some even joining.

We grew stronger with each person. As we drew near to the headquarters, we locked arms. I was locked with Piper and Micha.

 We turned the corner and the ominous black and red building came into view. Fingermen and men with guns were stationed out front.

 We gathered around the front of the building, waving our pithy signs and chanting our chants. Trying to draw the Chancellor out.

 “Pay cuts for teachers? We say NO! Tax the people with lots of dough!”

 I noticed two Fingermen were watching me, whispering to each other, not taking their eyes off me. I swallowed hard and tried to remain calm. I really did not want to spend the night in a jail cell. One spoke into the radio on his shoulder.

 My face went warm and my hearing turned to static. I disentangled myself from Micha and Piper and burrowed deeper into the crowd, not even releasing I broke a cardinal rule of rally safety: always stay with your buddy.

 Someone grabbed my shoulder.

 “Gordon Dietrich?”

 I turned, about to correct whoever was behind me.

 “That’s him,” Another voice said. “Bag him.”

 “I’m not Gordon! I’m not Gordon!” I hollered.

 Black linen soon covered my face.

[strigital]

I WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOUR V if thats ok

you… you really do?

‘cause if that’s true then hell yes! (tbh i’d yell about my ocs from a top of a mountain if only anyone would listen)

heck, where do i even start? anyways, long ass post ahead!

BACKSTORY!

To makelong ass story somewhat short: Jax was raised by her big bro - Alek - and, for aslong as she could remember, she believed her brother’s explanation of theirlonely existence, which was that their parents were, simply put, a couple ofjerks not suited for a family life. By his words their dad was a borderline psychoborgtoo busy ripping implants out of people, while the mom was a dirtgirl tooaddicted to braindance to care for her kids. And when the young lad justcouldn’t take it anymore, he snatched his little sister out of bed and ran withher into the night so they could both start a new life. Jaxine never doubtedthe story, even if the way they lived always seemed kinda fishy - like they werein hiding - not to mention it was somewhat suspicious that her bro wouldconstantly “go to work” armed to the teeth.

Welp, turnsout that all of this was a lie (what a twist!). In truth, Jaxie’s dad was onehelluva Netrunner who got his bread by getting people into parts of the Netthat they had no legal access to and occasionally stealing a few files fromcorpos here and there to sell them to fixers for some extra eddies. And iftheir dad was all about that software, their mom was the hardware maestro whocould build a computer out of scrap metal like it was Legos. They were quite apower couple and managed to attract more than  a few followers and basically started theirown tiny little gang whose main job was to ruin all the fun for the corps inthe virtual world. And, of course, something had to go wrong eventually. So itdid. They stole info about a shipment of expensive Arasaka tech and sold it toa fixer. But before they could get their hands on that juicy high tech, somerat snitched on them. One of their guys turned up to be a corpo whistleblower whose sole purpose was to sniff out the infamous Netrunner who was stealing theirdata. A whole ass witch hunt began and the dad knew he fucked up big time. Sobig, in fact, he knew for damn sure Arasaka was coming for him and his family.So he put his little daughter into his son’s arms along with some valuable datashards regarding his work, made him promise he’ll keep his sis safe and senthim on his merry way, whilst running with the wife in the opposite direction.

And itworked! Surprisingly. Alek did such an amazing job at concealing theirfootsteps they managed to live pretty happily and untouched by the corpos formany years. The brother became a solo and an edgerunner pretty early and tookon an alias of the ‘Vulture’ - ‘V’ for short. He was so damn good at his job theynever knew poverty. Buuut as they say ‘the faster you run away from yourpast…’ Jax was almost 18 when Arasaka found them. He gunned them all downlike dogs, even though he knew there was no way he’d survive. In the aftermathof the bloodbath, leaning against the wall of their wrecked living room,bleeding and dying, he promised her he was going to be fine, gave her thosemysterious shards, told her to grab his gun and bike and go to Night City, makea simple delivery to his old friend. Jax felt it was a goodbye and that those mercswere no damn drug dealers who came to collect an old debt. But she listened tohim anyway and rode to Night City.

There, this‘friend’ person who turned out to be the last surviving associate of her parents,told her the truth. The entire story and not a single lie. That day she made ither life goal to harass Arasaka at every turn, make their lives miserable, DDoSthe fuck out of their Net, mess up their systems real good! She adopted herbrother’s alias (though this time it most likely stood for ‘Vendetta’ howeversaucy that might sound) and began to follow in her parents’ footsteps, learningall she could about hacking and tech. Eventually, V got good enough at it soshe could jam tracking devices and disable surveillance programming in order toremain ‘inivisible’ to those who’d find her pranks unfunny. Though, apparently,someone’s been looking for her recently… Wonder what’s that all about, huh?

TL;DR!

JaxineBryce is a trash goblin and a bi disaster, who’s a not-so-bad Netrunner and asomewhat-acceptable Techie. She came to NC after her brother’s death to be apain in the Arasaka Corp.’s ass for personal reasons as well as for shits andgiggles.

She’s ofmixed race, though she mostly takes after her Asian mom. Her hazel eyesare long gone and replaced by some cute orange-glowing optics, and herbluish-black hair is always a hot mess that she just can’t be bothered to take careof it (if she could she’d wear a ‘Bad Hair Day’ beanie hat all day every day).Doesn’t really have that much skin wiring and such, prefers to conceal most of her cyberwareand look as natural as possible due to her fear of slipping into cyberpsychosis.

She alwaysloved to blast Johnny Silverhand on full volume in her room, but ever sinceArasaka kinda sorta ruined her life, she really started to like this guy, evengot herself a glowing tattoo of Samurais (not to mention the Samurai jacket,which was a birthday gift from the brother!).

She can’tdo shit in combat (besides firing a gun and only because her bro took her outshooting once), but boy can she fuck up your cyberware if you get too close.For these reasons she desperately relies on Jackie to be the ‘wall’ between herand the enemy, but at the same time she always makes T-Bug’s work a tad biteasier.

Other thanthat, she absolutely loves NiCola, dreams of owning at least a couple of cats, believes coffee and ramen to be the crowning achievments of humanity, is an AI rights supporter and a speed junkie to the bone despite not being the best driver in the book. Can’treally drive cars that well, but boy does she love bikes! And adding her ownlittle touches to her vehicles. Like, that one time she spray-painted Jackie’snew car neon pink and now he won’t leave her alone with his car unsupervised…

Jaxine issomewhat introverted and really clings onto people that she knows. T-Bug alwaysappeared to her like a caring big sister, while doctor Victor became a newfather figure in her life after her brother’s demise. V’s also got the biggestof crushes on Jackie, though she’d rather die in a fire than tell him, mostlybecause she really doesn’t want to ruin their amazing friendship (besides, shewon’t survive a day in NC without Jackie’s help). And even though she jokesaround a lot, she has a tendency to fall in and out of depression. Jackie’s happy attitudealways helped her deal with those kind of anxious feelings and going out forthe night on the town with her best amigo will always be her preferred way todo therapy. Despite all that, Jaxine’s genuinely a ‘good guy’, but definitely nota ‘knight in shining armor’. Sure, she’ll help you out if she happens upon youwhile on a job, but don’t expect her to go on a righteous quest to save theworld. Her only goal in life is avenging her family, letting go of the past andfinding a place to truly call home and nothing else. As soon as there’s nothingof importance holding her in Night City, she’ll hop on her bike and be gonebefore sunrise.

[littlestartemis]

I have nothing better to do so I’ve decided to ramble my opinions on all of the pokemon rivals in sequential order. Under the cut cause I intend to go into detail on these.

Blue

This kid is a mixed bag for me. Part of his problem is that he just suffers from being a generation 1 character, which means only having one character trait apparently. Yes, he’s a jerk, the first ever jerk rival, and people love that, but being a jerk without nuance just makes you... loathsome. Even some of the weaker rivals, I still had these surprised moments of joy when my gameplay was halted to duke it out with them. With Blue? He’s the only one I ever uttered a groan at. “Oh good, this fucker has to waste me time and make me backtrack to a pokemon center to patch myself up before moving on.” The most insufferable thing about him is that no matter what, no matter how many times you put him in the dirt, he’s always convinced he’s so much better than you...

Until later games. It’s never stated what happened. If he had some self reflection, if Oak sat him down and told him to grow the fuck up, or what. But the next time we see him in the generation 2 games and onward, he’s still got this aura of smug confidence about him, but he seems more matured despite it. Like yeah, he’s hot shit, but you can be too if you work hard enough, maybe even almost as good as him. And while I love all of that for his character, that all comes after the fact. So as it stands, the Rival Blue, is lackluster, annoying, a headache, and undeserving of such a good fucking champion theme. Also the bitch has no unique rival battle theme unlike literally anyone else.

I’m also going to go into their music, though not nearly as much as their character.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5s4VYC9xR4

There are so many official variations and remixes and retoolings of the Kanto Champion theme that picking the “Best One” would be a practice in futility I think, so I just picked one of the better ones. What I have to say applies to pretty much all of them. And goodness, while I think Blue is a lukewarm rival it’s no wonder why this track has stood the test of time. Normally champion themes are in one of two categories, at least for me. The buildup themes, or the 0-100 themes. Some of them take some time to get there, to make you sweat a little as you realize who you’re dealing with, and some of them just kick down the door and GO. Blue’s theme though is interesting in that it kind of does both. It’s powerful, it’s oppressive in its composition and instrumentation, but there is just the tiniest buildup right after the bombastic kick off. I love it, it’s a strong theme with no real weaknesses.

5/10 rival, 8/10 character and theme

Silver

I think there was a time where if you asked around communities who long time player’s favorite rival was, a good majority would probably say Silver, and for good reason. He was another jerk rival, but with that fun little word I used before; nuance. He was mean, but rather than very deliberately being rude to you, it seemed more like he had other plans that you just happened to keep standing in the way of. He had a goal and he was going to accomplish it. And what was that? Curb stomping anybody brave or stupid enough to traipse around in a black and red uniform. This kid had a clear cut vendetta against team rocket, but instead of making him your ally with a goal like that, it set you as his obstacle every victory for you was one less for him, one less distraught rocket face he would get to see. And we even find out later why, and it’s fascinating. Giovanni’s kid? That’s utterly unique, and it really puts his hatred of team rocket and the idea of finding strength in others into a perspective you can really understand. Not to mention, there’s a bit of storytelling through gameplay with Silver that I’m sure most veteran pokemon fans know. So, he gets a Zubat on his team. Cool, right, edgy bat fits with the edgy tween. But at the very end of the game, when he’s been beaten time and time again and forced to confront why he isn’t strong enough, he realizes it’s because he’s been thinking only of his own strength, and not how much stronger his pokemon could be if they had his genuine care and support. And lo and behold, in his postgame battles, he’s got a proud, fully evolved Crobat on his team, which can only evolve with strong friendship. That’s good shit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZAV8mJY_Qs

For some reason it was kinda tough finding a decent rip of his theme. Ah well, this is easily one of the coolest rival themes. Much like Blue’s champ theme, it has this sort of oppressive energy about it, as if Silver isn’t even looking down on you, he’s just waiting to crush you and be on his way. He’s a fucking bad dude, and he’ll snuff you out however he can if it means he can get his shit done. 

9/10 rival and theme

Brendan and May

This pair of nerds. They’re... interesting. I do feel like they get a worse rap from folks since they were the first friendly rivals and the ones to start the trend, and truthfully I have nothing against the idea of having friendlier rivals. If every rival was an asshole it would get really stale really fast. These two though... Well, there’s just not much to them. In the rival role, they’re Professor Birch’s kid, which is basically their entire motivation for going on a pokemon journey to start with. A glorified favor/errand to fill out the dex cause they just happen to have easy access to one. Us being around is purely incidental, and I’m pretty sure the only reason they initially have an interest in us is because we’re Norman’s kid, a gym leader’s kid (dark shoutout to Brendan for throwing some nice 2002 sexism in his introduction with “Oh, you’re a girl? When I’d heard our neighbor was a gym leader’s kid, I was kind of hoping you’d be a boy.”) They get some extra significance in ORAS, which is much needed, having them around for a few Team Aqua/Magma encounters and even one last hurrah battle after you become champ to make up for throwing in the towel like a bitch after Lillycove. I don’t have much nice to say about them, but that’s mostly because I don’t have much to say about them, and what’s there is just... there. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rP0OXxc-zk

I’m not sorry. So, with our first friendly rival is our first more chipper rival theme. And truthfully, I like it! It’s very high energy, and has this twinge of suspense partway through to remind you that they have a wailmer you son of a bitch and you will respect the shit out of it under the cycling road. It’s bouncy, it’s fun, and it still has just the edge it really needs to be a proper battle theme I think.

4/10 rivals, 6/10 theme

Wally

And possibly the reason Brendand and May are so Just There. Wally. Now, I’ll say up front, I have a massive Gardevoir/Gallade bias, they’re my absolute favorite pokemon of all time, so having a rival character themed entirely around the pokemon family? Yeah that gets some free points from me. But earnestly, even without that, for as little as he appears he really is the true rival of the game. It’s a short story, but one you can rally behind. This sickly kid who isn’t even capable of catching his first pokemon without supervision and has to move to a small town with clean air just to like, function properly. But with dreams of becoming a pokemon trainer. He has the knowhow, he downloads apps he can use and study, he’s done the research beforehand for what all he needs to know, and after we set him straight in Mauville, he goes on his own journey separate from our’s. And when we see him again... what a god damn transformation (how do you become a badass by just unbuttoning your shirt). He really did it, he worked his ass off, and he made it to the pokemon league, he got a fucking mega stone - two mega stones actually since he gives you one - and he isn’t that same weak kid from the start of the game. He’s your equal, and you will respect him, if not for his power, then by the effort he had to put in to get to where he is now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_CiTJJg5_s

Why is this song so short. Powerful, resolute, triumphant, and 40 seconds long what the fuck. Length aside, this is the song Wally absolutely deserves, without question. I can’t express it anymore than in those few words. It’s the theme of perseverance, and the strength you can attain by never giving up.

8/10 rival, 9/10 theme

Barry

What a perfect bundle of energy. Barry is another friendly rival, but not just because he’s nice or something. No, he’s your friend, your childhood friend, and he treats you like it. He’s nice and is clearly happy to go on this adventure with you, but he also slams into you without saying sorry or feeling like he really needs to, and threatens to fine you billions of dollars if you’re late for your super important meeting on the outskirts of town. He is fucking chaotic dumbass personified, with such brilliant strategies as “run through the grass so fast the wild pokemon can’t catch us”, “let’s say thanks to the professor for giving us these novice pokemon by catching a legendary pokemon”, and “here’s the perfect foolproof winning strategy: never miss and never get hit, you’ll win every battle gauranteed”. And god dammit if he isn’t endearing for it. He’s your best friend, and has your best interests at heart, going so far as to take the fall with Rowan when he thinks his dumbass plan might lose you both the chance to get your first pokemon. But, he also wants you to be damn sure that the next time you see him he will be stronger, and he will beat you, and he will be the champion first, and is that one of those walls you put your face in to take a funny picture holy shit check it out I’m a croagunk haha. If you don’t like Barry, you’re taking the games too seriously, and I suggest you get in touch with your inner child because they’re probably starved for fun characters in your media.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hv8g5u55QFA

Did I say high energy because I meant high energy. A battle theme for the sugar high in all of us, he’s just so fucking excited to battle you again. Much like Brendan and May, there’s the tiniest hint of suspense later in the song, but it’s much shorter and less pronounced here. Because it’s not so much a battle with much at stake so much as two best friends having a good old fashioned round against one another for shits and giggles.

9/10 rival, 7/10 theme

Cheren and Bianca

If you had asked me a month ago what I thought of these two I don’t think I’d have had much good to say. Or... much to say at all, for that matter. For reasons that are very unclear to me now, generation 5 didn’t stick with me like others, and that’s actually kind of upsetting since I just recently finished playing through White version again. And boy, do these two have character in spades. 

I’ll start with Cheren. Cheren is great, because he’s actually almost a jerk rival, and I get the feeling if you weren’t supposed to be prior long time friends he actually would be. He’s very cool and calculating, and not too shy about getting pissy with each loss. He’s happy to lend you a hand, giving you tips, items he’s found that might be helpful, and fighting beside you against Team Plasma at a few turns. Something that stuck out to me was how nearly every rival battle was punctuated by “We both have the same number of badges now, so we should be on equal footing. Let’s put that to the test.” And each time, he’s not just being mad that he lost and then storming off, he’s very outwardly trying to deconstruct why he’s losing. You could almost picture him with charts and tables out, nose buried in his X-Transceiver screen between destinations, absolutely sure he missed some key strategy you used or that he simply overlooked. He’s very much the “power for the sake of power” rival at the start of the game, until the champion and the events with Team Plasma force him to confront his own flawed, short sighted goals. He can’t just Be Strong, he needs a reason for that, and that reason is ultimately protecting not just people important to him, but everyone. And that is just. So god damn cool. It extends to his eventual teaching role. Not only will he get stronger on his own, but he’ll teach others to be stronger, and in turn they’ll protect others too, and so on. And I think that’s perfect character motivation through and through.

Now Bianca. Oh man, do I love Bianca. She’s somehow the living version of if you perfectly spliced an introvert and an extrovert. She’s charming, outgoing, friendly, encouraging, and... also very shy, humble, not one to speak up most of the time. At least at first. And it’s such a tiny, blink and you miss it character trait, but every time she looses she needs like a full five seconds to hide her face under her hat before speaking again. Losing to you time and again does get to her, but she’ll be damned if she lets that deter you and your progress. It’s not your fault she lost, it’s her’s for not being stronger, and she ultimately realizes it’s because while she’s enjoyed raising pokemon and going on this journey, battling just isn’t where her heart is. But she still went on the journey, and fought to go on it, arguing against her father’s wishes for her to return home, and fighting by your side however she can through the debacle spreading over the region. She learns to stand up for herself and what she wants when she actually wants it, and even though in the end she might have been good enough to challenge the league if she kept at it, she realized it wasn’t for her, and that’s still ok. 

I don’t have much to add on regarding Cheren and Bianca’s roles in B2W2, beyond that it’s such a delight seeing them both realize their true purpose and being really happy with where they’ve wound up. Also I love their new looks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Yr5Taoyalo

Their theme invokes the same sort of feeling as Barry’s in the sense that this is less about beating the other person and more about two friends having a good time with some friendly competition. Any sense of suspense is almost nonexistent, and the fun factor has been cranked up. It’s bubbly, it’s cheery, and it never really lets up, and while I do think that makes it kind of weak as a theme representing both of them, it makes for a fun song.

9/10 rivals, 6/10 theme

N

So like, I know BW/B2W2 are older games, but, spoilers for plot stuff.

I’ve heard a lot of arguments regarding whether N even counts as a rival instead of an antagonist outright, but I personally think he’s meant to be the rivalry edge to make up for Cheren and Bianca being so buddy buddy, like they were trying to address the friendly rival complaints after the last two games. And N is certainly a fascinating beast (hah), being very intentionally directly designed to be the dark antithesis to the standard pokemon protagonist character. The protagonist doesn’t speak at all, he speaks too quickly. The protagonist’s goal is very vague and broad, simply being “the best”, while N’s is powerfully stubborn and full of conviction. And of course it’s right there in the design, he’s even got the hat. N is also a very tragic character, intentionally raised and taught from childhood all for the purpose of being Ghetsis’ perfect tool towards world domination. He can literally speak with pokemon, he doesn’t get people, and interestingly up until the final battle in the game, he exclusively catches and uses local pokemon when you meet him, presumably releasing them once his friends have helped him test your own resolve. Team Plasma eventually splits into two factions in B2W2, those who truly believed in their ideals, that what they were trying to do was create a better world for people and pokemon alike, and those who were just using it as an excuse to be cruel dickbags and steal pokemon. If Ghetsis is the later, N is the former. This isn’t an evil plot for him, he isn’t some wicked mastermind working behind the shadows, he’s very clear cut and up front with you about what he’s doing, why he’s doing it, he even basically says “hey I could be wrong, I’m like 90% sure you’re also a hero so prove it and show me who’s intentions are more pure.” I love this guy, and I’m genuinely happy he ends up just living a happy life with his pet dragon wolf friend by the end of B2W2.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0ajBL15Knk

N’s theme is a weird one for me. I genuinely don’t enjoy the composition, but I can’t deny that it’s pretty perfect for him. This intentionally twisted idealist seeking all of the best things in all the wrong ways. It’s dark, fast paced, foreboding, and the ticking clock in this final version really sells that he won’t back down on creating what he truly believes to be a perfect world if you don’t get him to listen to reason. In short, wonderfully thematic, just not for me.

9/10 rival 5/10 theme

Hugh

I’ll be up front, I’m very overdo for a replaying of B2W2, so my recollection of Hugh is a bit foggy. That said, I do recall liking him. He’s high energy, but he also has a better handle on knowing how to direct said energy. Much like Silver before him, he’s very goal oriented and with a vendetta to work through, but rather than seeing your presence as an obstacle, you’re a trusted friend and ally, anything to make stomping out Plasma that much easier, and what better way to fight crime than with a friend at your side. I recall he had a habit of lashing out at strangers for being inattentive of their pokemon since his little sister’s purrloin got stolen (irony) by Plasma, but it comes from a place of good, so you can kinda get it. He’s well meaning, head strong, and a bit of a hot head, and while I need to reacquaint myself with him, I remember liking him alright if nothing else.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZDEr6_xzsM

Shockingly, his theme is a bit more subdued in terms of your average battle theme. It’s got a bit of an edge to it, and I love the shit out of those drums, but it still has that friendly ring to it. Oddly, it gives me more of a megaman vibe than anything pokemon. And trust me, that’s not a bad thing. Just a very strange song altogether though.

6/10 rival and theme, subject to change

Serena and Calem

I don’t recall how much of this is true for Serena, but I do seem to recall the two actually having somewhat different personalities. And Calem borrows a bit from what I liked about Cheren. He’s still being buddy buddy with you, but as each loss piles on, he starts to get more and more outwardly frustrated with himself over them. What’s he doing wrong? You’re supposed to be at the same level as one another, why can’t he pull out just one win? And he’s slightly less apologetic about it, so he is a bit of what I described with “what if Cheren was still your rival but not your childhood friend”. I want to say that Sarena is much the same, but it’s simply been far too long, and for what good points they’ve got even after two full playthroughs, they just... don’t bring much to the table, much like similar rivals before them Brendan and May. And man, speaking of not bringing much to the table...

The Friend Gang

Mmmm... let’s start with what I like about them. Because earnestly, there is an aspect about Tierno, Trevor, and Shauna (respectively) that I like. For all of our rivals up until now, you’ve had roughly the same goal. To conquer all 8 gyms, defeat the elite four and champion, become the champion yourself, and maybe save the world if you happen to be in the area at the time. And you know, world of pokemon, that makes sense it’s all well and good. But like, some people run businesses. Some people drive taxis, some are singers, some are artists, some are scientists, not everybody wants to be a world class ace trainer. And, neither do these three. Tierno is interested in dance, and seems to want to go out there just to see new moves and techniques to incorporate them into dance moves. Trevor is actually interested in and invested in filling out every shred of information in the pokedex, which is refreshing since you know, we usually get as far as like maybe 50 pokemon tops before just calling it quits. And Shauna, I’ll admit I don’t recall much of her, but I seem to remember her going out on her journey much for the same reason Bianca did. Do figure out what she actually wants to do in the first place. Unlike Bianca though, she never really finds it I don’t think. So, they’re trainers, but with their own unique goals in mind. That’s cool! ... and it’s also all there is to them. They’re extremely one note most of the time, and regrettably very forgettable. Calling them rivals at all honestly feels kinda generous. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73UoF45hBVQ

Imma be real with you chiefs, I’ve been listening to like every other Gen 6 song except this one while writing this. This could have easily just been the generic trainer battle theme in any other region, which... after my analysis, I’ll admit, kinda makes sense. These aren’t ace trainers or anything, they’re just... some friendly peeps doing their own shit who happen to know how to battle too. But, thematics doesn’t save a song on it’s own.

3/10 rivals and song

Hau

Hau is just... god damned precious. He’s loose, he’s chill, he’s excitable, but not always excited, and happy to go with the flow on things. He’s not your childhood friend, but he acts like that just means he’s got lost time to make up for once he gets to know you, more than happy to offer you up snacks and whatnot. He’s a fast and loyal friend, and surprisingly one with his own goal in mind that actually kind of weighs on him in the background. He’s the grandson of the island Kahuna, Hala, which means he’s eventually supposed to take that role from the old man. And that’s a huge responsibility for a kid who just wants to enjoy the sun and malasadas. But, it’s one he wants to live up to earnestly, and he’s willing to work towards. He just has a little trouble working past that initial fear of “how can I possibly be as good a kahuna as my grandpa”. Plus, once he makes a friend, he’ll fight for em, eagerly and happily going along with you to the Aether Resort when he finds out Lillie’s in trouble. Rain or shine, Hau’s got your back, and is easily one of the best friendly rivals to date if you asked me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BYcMPXxJrg

This one reminds me a lot of Cheren and Bianca’s theme but this time it’s a lot more fitting. It’s a fun and silly time, whoever loses doesn’t matter, so long as everyone’s having a good time! A bit of a boring song, but perfectly befitting the character, so it gets a bit of a pass.

8/10 rival, 6/10 theme

Gladion

I would say “who hurt you”, but we have the answer to that question, and it really helps propel Gladion and indeed the entire Aether family to the heights of “well written pokemon characters”. But, we’ll stick with just Gladion here. When we first meet him he’s just another skull flunky, but even then not really. For as pathetic as the skull grunts are (I love all of you but you’re so bad), even they make fun of him. He’s a nothing to nobody who has nobody, nobody but him and his weird dog. He is so much the rebellious tween but dammit if he doesn’t have a good reason with how horrible and abusive Lusamine became after her awry experiments with ultra space. He took their experimental pokemon for his own, ran away, and never looked back, just trying to live a happy life as best he can with Type: Null. He’s very hardened, and clearly not looking to go make any relationships, but eventually he does warm up to you at minimum as someone he can trust in battle, and by the end of the game someone he can see as an equal and maybe even friend. Really, calling him a rival is a bit off. He has no real beef with you or your journey, most of the time it seems like he’s just fighting you because he’s in a bad mood. But he’s a young man who’s been hurt badly, and wants to keep others from feeling that same kind of hurt, and obviously if he’s nice and strong then nobody can ever stop him from keeping himself and the people he cares about safe. The friendliest of jerk rivals who deserves the utmost care and protection.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDLj143lxVk

How to make a good battle theme: Step 1, slap bass. Step 2, there is no step 2. Jokes aside, I love this shit. It is utterly not in line with what you normally expect from a pokemon theme, and that kinda makes it work really well. It’s wild, it’s strong, and it denotes a kind of complexity to its energy. Not jaw dropping, but just a great slap.

8/10 rival and theme

[trashthebreadburnthecircus-blog]

002. Better Progressive Living via Content (?)

Let's look at three options for how we can consume content and what, if any, effect it might have out in the real world:

1. You consume content, and other than possibly provoking some thought or discussion, you interact with it purely on a consumption level.

2. Content presents a progressive worldview which acts as a precursor to action in the real world.

3. Conversely to #2, Content can be used to subtly reinforce the most base kind of idiotic thinking, which is then used in the real world to do harm.

And of course there are more than these three options for people's interactions with The Lord Thy God Content. I'm using a few points to try and figure out if there are some larger conclusions to be had! So get off your high horse and stop being so goddamn judge-y. In this post, I'll address those first two items, because the third one needs a bit more unpacking (also, I've thought about item #3 more. I hope my rigorous and consistent methodology keeps you coming back).

---

Let's start with option #1, which is how entertainment has mostly been framed since television was called “the idiot box.” This simplistic analysis isn't totally without merit though, right? I mean, how many times have you been out in the world with people just sitting there transfixed to their phones? How many times have you yourself been at home transfixed to your phone (or your tablet or computer or whatever)? As previously mentioned, the house of worship for the religion of Content is wherever you can access it.

The knockoff effect that I'm putting forth is simply this: that ease of access makes us lazy, and it reduces our empathy to boot (MUCH more about that in a future post). What's more fun and entertaining? Watching people fight for what's right in a make-believe-though-it's-about-current-politics-wink-wink scenario where the chances are they will succeed after 13 episodes? Or going out and fighting for what's right in the real world, for some indeterminate amount of time, in which you may or may not win, and on top of that your boss is being an asshole and your partner is probably thinking about breaking up with you and how much longer are your savings going to allow you to keep fighting the good fight and oh fuck why is the dog barking?

Depress people's wages, make them more stressed out, make the need to escape ever-increasing, and then give them 500+ options of shit to watch that will cover the gamut of their emotions. Boom, done. The God Content has got you covered. Just sit back, because consumption is the only action needed.

---

But can it be that Content can actually get people up off their ass? Instead of keeping us planted in our seats, is it possible Content might do the flip? Some examples are instructive in this regard.

The first and main example that comes to mind was actually the impetus for this post. Specifically, I was thinking about The Handmaid's Tale. The show and the book are almost two different takes – the show could be considered an expanded universe that was originally set up in the book. And throughout the show, as you watch it, you can see that “oh, this is an analog to what could happen (or is beginning to happen) in the near future based on what is happening now” type thing. Because now, we have women dressed as handmaids popping up in real life, protesting legislation that would further reduce the already marginalized rights of women.

Which got me to thinking – were these women already going to protest? Has protesting become some version of FOMO in these modern times, in which a person can feel like they are missing out on social action as much as they are missing out on the never-ending vacation of their favorite IG celebrity? (And if it is: GOOD!). Did the show encourage their activism? (And a devils' advocate question: has anyone changed their belief system after watching THT that wasn't onboard with those politics in the first place?) Because here's the thing – by the simple act of doing a handmaid cosplay, these women are able to convey a whole system of complex thoughts regarding the potential subjugation of women and the current (and possible future) effects of the patriarchy.

Another example, slightly further back, is Anonymous. It seems like a real long time ago, but it's just been over a decade. The Guy Fawkes V for Vendetta mask became a symbol of a fight against a totally, very chill, this-is-definitely-not-a-business “religion” named Scientology, which, from all accounts, treats anyone who wants to leave in a exceedingly respectful manner that isn't at all unhinged or dangerous or scary in any kind of way. Again, a singular object from popular entertainment is transformed into something else, a shorthand script that can encapsulate larger ideas and communicate them immediately between like minds.

And while those two examples are of a type of cosplay used in direct action (and I'm not using that terminology to denigrate it – if that's what gets people going to fight against what Colin of Slice Harvester would call our Sick Fuckin Society, hell, cosplay it up), there's a whole other discussion of using media (or more precisely, a media delivery service) for the good, and that is in organizing. From the Arab Spring to Occupy Wall Street to Black Lives Matter to the current protests in Hong Kong, there is proof, time and again, that social media networks, as fucked up and myopic and self-serving as they can be, have the potential to be used to marshal people for the forces of progress.

And I don't mean to shortchange any of those examples of mass protest, but they have been written about and dissected by many others in much deeper and thorough ways. I bring all the examples up to return to option #2 – there are ways in which popular entertainment and social networks, whether they mean to or not, can and have given people the power or the courage or whatever they need to stand up against the bullshit. Will this happen more in the future? There's so much wrong with the world. If Content can push someone in a positive direction, do we accept that, hoping that it's the beginning of a person's awakening?

And what happens when or if Content pushes them in the other direction? You'll have to wait until the next post to find out–

[flourish]

My life with comics

My best friend as a child has issues of Witchblade. Her parents bought it for her? Maybe. She has video games too, other things that I am allowed to engage with at other people’s houses but that I am not encouraged to bring home.

I love the sexy, powerful women in it. I don’t know that I want to be them, but I want to look at them forever. I don’t know how to get more issues. I know my mother wouldn’t approve.

I’m in high school. My best online friend is involved in scans_daily, and I’ve seen how much she loves superhero comics. I want to get into comics so I can talk with her about them.

There’s a comic shop about a quarter-mile from my house and I walk there in the Central Valley heat, ignoring the catcalls from the road. I’m used to it: in my suburb girls with long blonde hair don’t walk anywhere, and when they do they are fair game for any and all harassment. I’m still in the closet about being bi, still always femme, still painting my mouth with bright red lipstick. I don’t know any other way to be yet.

I get to the shop. It’s in a strip center that’s seen better days, and if you didn’t know it was still in business already, you might assume it was abandoned. I’ve been places like this to buy Magic cards before, got in and got out quickly, keeping my head down. I knew what happened when I played Magic with strange boys: they laughed at me, beat me hollow. After a few experiences like that I kept the cards not to play but just to look at the illustrations and imagine the worlds beyond them. I wanted to play, but I didn’t want to be humiliated.

No one speaks to me when I enter. I thumb through longboxes, feeling the eyes of the men behind the counter on me. I can feel the sweat drying on my back. I don’t want to ask questions. “Shopping for your boyfriend?” one of them finally ventures.

In retrospect, it was probably meant as a kindness.

At the time, I fled.

A few months later I’ve met a guy online. He’s into comics, so I gather up the courage to try again. This time when I go in to the same shop I can say “yes” when they ask whether I’m shopping for my boyfriend, but it’s not true. I have heard about Neil Gaiman’s 1602 and I want to get it weekly.

I go back over the course of months to pick up my one, singular comic. Once or twice someone tries to pick me up. Once the sales guy quizzes me on my knowledge, holding the issue hostage behind the counter as I struggle to explain that I don’t have a history with comics, that I just picked this one up because I like Neil Gaiman. He finally, grudgingly, gives it to me. “You should read—” he says, but then he catches himself: “it’s not out in trades and I don’t think we have all the issues.”

It doesn’t matter. I couldn’t afford to buy a long run of single issues anyway. My parents could, but I don’t have pocket money, and I’m supposed to be focusing on school, not getting a job. Or reading comics.

I like 1602, but I don’t get it. It’s so referential to characters I don’t know, storylines I can’t track. Every time I go into the shop, I feel more like an outsider. I’ve crossed the Rubicon. I am a regular, or anyway, a person who regularly comes in, even if I still don’t know anyone’s name. So why do I feel more left out than ever?

I end up at the same college as the guy I met online. He runs the comics library. Even after we break up, I’m welcome there. I finally feel like I can come in and flop down, pick up any comic I want, read it. I don’t have to talk to anyone if I don’t want to, and if I do talk to people, they are people I already know. I will not be quizzed.

The comics are in hardback books comprised of many single issues. I know they’re sent to a monastery to be bound together. (This is, though it seems fantastic, true.) I suppose that the monks are puzzled by the contents. My imagination doesn’t yet stretch to consider that some of the monks probably loved comics as boys, that they probably enjoy illicitly reading the issues as they bind them.

I can go back as far in comics history as I want to, here. There are first issues of all sorts of things. But I don’t. Every time I pick up something from the 80s or before, it’s too old, I don’t get it. When I try to pick things up in the middle, even the spots where people say “here’s where to start,” I feel that shivery misery of out-of-placeness. Maybe I’m not made for these. Maybe these are not made for me.

I read the full run of Ultimate Spider-Man, because I don’t have to know anything about what came before. I read V for Vendetta. I read Bone. I read Blankets. I read zines published by local artists. I don’t read any more superhero comics, after awhile. It’s not any individual person’s fault. It’s my fault, for not being more persistent. I shouldn’t have been put off by those actually-nice-guys who were just trying to be welcoming in an awkward way. After all, no one ever did anything really offensive. I should have listened more to my kind feminist boyfriend, to the scans_daily friend, even to my childhood best friend who somehow managed to get her hands on all sorts of pop culture that I wasn’t privy to. I shouldn’t have been daunted by canons that stretch back years before my birth. It’s me. I’m the one who’s at fault.

I watch people love superheroes from, it feels like, a long way away.

What if I loved superheroes?

I wax poetic about the new Spider-Man movie, about how much I hated the Tobey Maguire films because they weren’t really about a high school student. I scream with delight when the trailer comes on at SDCC, when I’m in Hall H and suddenly Peter Parker is in a high school comedy and Zendaya is flirting with him and it’s so great. Elizabeth is startled to find out that I care at all.

What if I was a fan of Spider-Man?

It’s not possible that I am a fan of Spider-Man. I know nothing about him. After all, I’ve only read Ultimate.

I feel confident at Comic-Con, going to the CBLDF party, walking around the floor. I know a lot about this stuff compared to most of the people here. I am a True Nerd.

I’m not a True Nerd. I only know a lot about comics compared to the Muggles.

The fact that I call them “Muggles” and not something else, something comics-specific, only illustrates that fact.

I read indie comics. My husband likes them more than me. I can’t compete with his expertise. I can’t compete with anyone’s expertise. So I begin to say, “I don’t read comics.” This is a lie.

I personally buy many of our comics, but they still feel like they belong to him.

I don’t look femme anymore, at least not high femme. I see myself in zines I buy at Printed Matter or at St. Mark’s Bookshop or online: people with long eyelashes and men’s haircuts. I don’t, somehow, connect these people with Witchblade, or with 1602. Their work is sold in bookstores. Their work is sold in Artists’ Alleys. They aren’t comics. Or they are, but they’re not that kind of comics.

They’re the kind of comics that I can read, not the kind of comics I can’t read.

I lift weights a lot. My favorite shirt reads THE SAVAGE SHE-HULK. I have never read a comic about She-Hulk.

I begin to think I might be non-binary, but I don’t care enough to insist on pronouns.

Maybe I do care enough. But I am set in my ways. People assume I’m straight, people assume I’m absolutely female. When I send up a test balloon about it, the reaction is stark: what the fuck. I don’t want to get into the argument.

I also don’t want to get into the argument about comics. I would rather not read superhero comics than have to defend my enjoyment of them, or have to fight my own instincts in order to enjoy them. So I don’t. I’ll study them and know all about them, intellectually, and I’ll watch the movie when it comes out but I won’t give my heart away.

This makes me a coward. I have recently come to recognize that I belong in Slytherin. I guess it comes with the territory.

I study fandoms for work. My closest colleague loves to read single issues, loves Marvel and DC. She follows a million superheroes, she writes criticism for fun in her off hours, she brings great insights. We do projects to look at superhero fandoms together and I know I’m resting in the fact that I can focus on just the parts I feel comfortable with and leave the rest to her. If I squint it’s almost like I’m just engaged in the fandom spaces I always have loved, the spaces that are familiar to me. The internet spaces where people write fanfic and make fanart. The spaces that are mostly female and enby.

On the internet nobody knows you’re a dog.

So why is it that I know so many women, so many women who are much more femme than me, so many women who are much more women than me, who embrace superhero comics?

Who identify as comics people, even if not superhero comics people?

Why can’t I seem to do it too, no matter how much I read?

I don’t normally self-disclose this way, for a lot of reasons. My work involves actively trying to ignore personal feelings about fandoms, checking and double checking against data to make sure that they’re being represented accurately and truthfully and honestly and fairly, and I think I do it pretty well. More to the point, I do it with a team, and we check each other.

Fansplaining involves criticism of fandom as well as celebration of it. A lot of times our experiences as hosts are beside the point. When Elizabeth said she thought we needed to do a big quadruple episode and address racism in Star Wars fandom, my stomach sank. Star Wars was my jam. I wept at the new movies. I owned a whole bookshelf of extended universe novels at one point. I didn’t want to look at how the fandom was flailing (and failing). But she was right. And my feelings were beside the point.

Still, it’s impossible to set aside everything you feel.

Are we really negative about comics on Fansplaining? I can’t tell. Or, I can: I combed through every time we’ve discussed them, and was satisfied that we weren’t. But then I got to the end and had another email from another listener saying that we were. I know from experience that perceptions are untrustworthy. My perceptions are untrustworthy. Relying on your gut means you get things wrong.

I resent that I feel obligated to write this post. I don’t want to talk about how easily intimidated I am. I don’t want to talk about my life as a teenager, when everything to do with gender felt momentous. And I don’t want to have my voice, as an upper middle class white person who isn’t usually visibly non-binary, be the voice that’s heard on this subject, when our interviewees on Fansplaining have surely been speaking from experiences of racism as well. But I guess I’m writing it anyway.

I don’t know how to unpick this knot. I don’t want to be unfair, but I don’t know how to be “neutral,” not in the podcast that Elizabeth and I manage to produce by the skin of our teeth around everything else in our lives. If it were my job I could do it. But I already have a job, and I do have to be neutral there, and I can’t do it any more than I already do.

There’s no answers here, but maybe there’s something useful.

[mceproductions]

November 2018 Blurbs

11/1/18 In Novembers Gusty Gale...The one baby song that sticks with me is that line from Chicken Soup with Rice... The fact that I know that and can sing falsetto really sets a tone. Rice Lake run today as Scholarships needed answering somehow the fact that i can only qualify for one and yet still can deal with classwork is a mystery. Eli in 2 Weeks and hoping Basketball at the Vikings Stadium at months end. Mom said shed go with on Saturday to St. Paul but in case not contingency is the Queen Movie. Stinks about Nutcracker being lousy Grinch remake for Christmas Movie it is. 11/2/18  Patti and the Bravada im trying to buy. Something tells me thats got to answer itself very soon. Ellen wasn't going to St. Paul either so contingency may now be in place. Work at least had benefits being sorted out. Also Lego Harry Potter man that game was fun, glad for the port, now they just need to port other lego games. 11/3/18 Bravada is now mine thanks to mom. More crucially Queen Movie was luckilly in town, at theater that is now only open weekends. Confusing yes, just hoping this isn't premant closing like Bruce. Movie was near perfect as Rami Malek Crushed It, a term I almost never use. Andrew fried microwave after 18 years. It was overdue but man it stinks that its gone. ReLife Anime...If episode 17 had me tearing up, the other 15 1/2 should be just as interesting. Unlike that other show A Sister Is All You Need, a premsise about slice of life, authors and drinking that wears dull quick. 11/4/18 So begins a short week, mainly due to assurance needed for initial plans. Just wish they could have called me in for one more day, i have assurance but still could have used it. Pete Davidson is really hurting based on this weeks SNL no matter his mindset and well wishes, he's hurting. Packers more so...and Ricks final Walking Dead, what a cop out...So glad I'm done with the show, no matter how interesting teenage Judith looks. One more detail, just when I thought 2018 had used up all its anime...Rapping Zombies on a Show that really should be used by the ZombieLand Sequel coming out next year, they can spit licks. 11/5/18 Remember Remember...An annual watching of V For Vendetta and its poigancy highlights today. Bravada is now officially mine just have to get it al registred and isured without it breaking my bank. Also never trust pictures for all purchases on Ebay, miffed on that count. Very long day tomorrow, even work may be overshadowed by this, could have used this 2 years ago on that fateful night. 11/6/18 The Blue Wave of election day. Unlike 2 years ago when that blowhard of president peeved off the country, this made me glad i was working. Plenty of distractions. But Walker is gone from Wisconsin and the Blue Wave crested at the house. Not the complete washover those wanting Trump gone hoped for but still great. 11/7/18 Those 2 dopes i call younger brothers...Somehow they dont get it. Only thing they do get, is how awesome Red Dead Redemption is and how i wish to high heaven it came out for the Switch. 11/8/18 This time of year when the cold comes out, the stuff you like to do seems impractical. I have a vehicle that I cant use until i get it titled, and a nephew coming in 1 week who may not even see me a bunch. Lone thing giving me some solace, the black Friday Ads popped up today. So many possibilities. 11/9/18 Winter has shown in full force, proof being, those 2 dopes stuck here. Me having to suffer through it until I head to work. Holding off on Grinch until next week, possibly seeing it with Mom and Eli. 11/10/18 RWBY Continues to astound. Salems storied history with Oz, wholly molly. Christmas season always seems to bring out the best when it comes to treats. Lately my favorite seems to be those nougats. Fresh and gooey all in one sweet package. Badgers sure do stink. That guy getting revenge on Pete Davidson especially the Ariana Ringtone that was worth it to see during SNL, Liev Schriber sure is not funny though. 11/11/18 Vets, heroes who give thier daily lives to defend all that we hold dear and sacred. Also fitting its the centiniel of said remeberence. New guy on Cap 2 Tristan, I'm really liking, seems to hold his own quite well. 4 days until Eli comes looking forward to it. 11/12/18 Why does family make the easy things so difficult, once again those 2 dopes. Store had Black Friday stuff being assembled today. Be glad to use debit card tomorrow when i get bulk of my funds back. Last few days have been rough. 11/13/18 GameFlip, an app ive been using to buy mainly Amazon cards is really having it both ways with me. Great to find digital codes for almost nada, but this one guy who i bought a card from on Sunday has been really screwey. Really miffed on that front. Said digital codes allows me to rewatch The Meg during work lunch. 11/14/18 Final Project for class has me creating a full training seminar. Stinks knowing that I have to do it on too broad a subject issue. Mobility in the workplace, having to do with wheelchairs and other devices. Wow city this is hard. Christmas box has been dug out, begining decorating tomorrow before Eli shows up. Hunters at play this weekend. Also glad store discount expands to food for rest of year. 11/15/18 Dad is 60 feels weird to say that. Well Eli, a little bit intimidated by me, but we have a week to fix it. Got A debt collection thing from WITC On the same day i finaly knocked off tuition. I know i wanted to not have autopay on tuition but this is ridiculously overkill. Likley watching Fantastic Beasts Saturday when we get back from Rice Lake, glad like the Queen movie this is in town. 11/16/18 Nora and Eli, weird combo that sends him into his Grandmas arms. Glad thats occuring while im not at home. At least my and Erics Grandma got to see him, just not sure how much longer that will be a possibility. One week to Black Friday and the trucks for delivery have tripled. The sales will be worth it but the work on the other hand, wish that just came faster. 11/17/18 Stags day, the first day of hunting season a little less crowded around the area. Went with mom and Eli to see Grinch but showing ended up being sold out. Eli for being 4 is just a near ball of energy, even if we never gave him sugar Wish he could calm down, mom somehow seemed chill with it, might have to take her advice on this issue. Cute when he has to be, bullet like mom put it on all other fronts. As for Fantastic Beasts, it seemed overstuffed for its own good a two hour episode like youd see on Netflix or somewhere else. Though Depp did win me over as Grindlewald. 11/18/18 Eli was better today, and we managed to actually get some stuff done. He ended up being major help with placing ornaments on my tree. Work however was a mess, misinformation abound. Thursday outside better not be a bigger mess. Oh wait its the Black Friday sale yeah it will be. 11/19/18 The thanksgiving week is always wacky, Monday somehow is wackiest. Eli went with Mom to meet Rafe while I mainly spent it finishing decorating the room. Green Light Strand isnt working will have to replace it. Cayedn surprsingly got a deer and Eric is really helpful on that front. Work meanwhile was nuts, this time however, with Split Pants. May have to get new ones before Thursday Night. Glad this week a lot of stuff on Itunes and Amazon is on sale. Will likely take big advantage of this. Andy possibly thew wrench in plans, hopeful that i dont have to cancel. 11/20/18 Lone day off this week has me stopping at WITC to finish work i have assigned since i have no class tomorrow. Had to pick up pants as my others split. Will hold off on game or blu ray until thursday night after work. Mom and Skillet cookies glad she makes them but could wonder what else around here might break as stove is going. Our turkey is set for tomorrow as Eric and compay leave before parade on thursday. Hopin to get Eli once more to do craft project, want to surprise mom on that count. 11/21/18 The day before, aka the busiest travel day of the year. Made rudolph feet with Eli, a lot bigger than i pictured him to be. Had to wear split pants as replacements didn't fit. Turkey was good, unexpectedly tried Moms squash that was really tasty for some odd reason. Back outside for carts tomorrow, first time since the summer and i get thrown to the wolves on the big one. Colder than usual i will admit. 11/22/18 Eli seemed sad to leave us, but at least i got him the ornament he made ready before he did. Another thanksgiving the parade in full glory. Lions crappy game, Cowboys decent game, and Wal-Marts annual 6pm sale. Cole really needed to be slapped. He must think im dumber than i look. Best part is always the low price movies and tv shows. Annual pickups of Flash, Arrow and Big Bang Theory. Handmaids Tale DVD counts too this time along with Jumanji and a film i personally wanted to see but heard crap about, Assassins Creed. Not looking forward to the rain tomorrow. 11/23/18 Quieter than usual actual Black Friday. Couple that with Rain that washed away snow, pretty off day all around. 11/24/18 Plans for Basketball with Andy and Carynn are officially scrapped, could remedy that in another surprise way. Something about today that just felt so much more off than usual. Lingered at Library, lingered at Store, even lingered at McDonalds stuff i would not normally do on a day like this. Ralph Breaks the Internet I'll hold off on for now. Really still want to see Grinch. Badgers finally lost the Ax after 15 years, really makes you think. 11/25/18 Finally got Wolfenstien 2 downloaded for Switch, will look forward to play something else besides Zelda for a bit Smash Bros awaits in the wings. Christmas gifts are starting to take abit of idea form. UCF continues to climb, will need upsets by Texas and Northwestern to have a shot at Playoff but without QB is risky. 11/26/18 Mom threw out her back, not sure if it was from picking up Eli but she seemed more out of sorts than usual. Other replacement for Cap 2 joined, liking him so far. Small issue with Chyenne who was on phone for nealry 15 minutes in the middle of the aisle, and nobody said a peep. If it was me, would have been fired. Privelege indeed. Guy at McDonalds may be homeless, was tempted to report him but with all the white calling blacks for doing normal stuff no way id risk it. 11/27/18 This day always seems to be the quietest when it comes to stuff coming out, almost nothing. One movie I wanted to get for Eli when he was here finally showed up. Wrapped up DVD's as gifts for Eric and them. 15% extra coming Thursday. Not sure what itll be used for. 11/28/18 Rare Wednesday I had store duties as well as class. Got extra 15% card for the even 25%. Glad ill be able to use it this time. Unlike what I originally had intended for The 30th. Could use some more snow around here. 11/29/18 25% discount thankfully goes 2 days so held off on that. Visited WITC the Christmas decorations are great as usual. Visited Menards but the so called enchanted forest seemed lacking. At least I was able to get bulbs and another set of blue lights. Sold ticket, hopeful Andy can get in tomorrow and enjoy himself. 11/30/18 Contigency Plan #2: Animated Grinch, OK Cumberbatch was excellent and Pharell ups Anthony Hopkins but the movie was just simply Ok. 25% got used well for Moms clients and Connor and Amber. Andy and Carynn got in and enjoyed themselves. Also got thier save the date and details on the  Weddding. Looks like a fun 4 day trip next May. Last Part of Year begins, lets see if this can finish strong. Never  figured at start that id be blogging this but just goes to so. 334 Days down 31 to Go.

[that-girl-you-were-warned-about]

All the questions!!!

1. How long have you had a Tumblr? Off and on for 4 years2. Describe your first kiss, who was it with, what was it like, where was it etc? At my high school’s winter dance. It was super cute. 3. What’s your biggest regret? I know we all say we don’t regret things but obviously it’s how we learn, from our mistakes. So what’s something from your past you wished you could have changed? Basically the whole summer after senior year. 5. Favorite Songs at the moment? Stella and all other songs by All Time Low5. What is the craziest thing that you have ever done? I had sex in a park during the day 6. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you? Probably when I ate some bad food and threw up on the city bus. 7. Do you have any scars and if so, how did you get them? Yep. Scar on knee from 1st grade when I fell down, lot of self harm scars, one from my cat (it was my fault for not watching where I was going), one from when my best friend accidentally grabbed my arm8. Where would you like to be in 10 years? Part of me wants to be in a grave but part of me wants to be in a castle. So yeah. 9. What are your views on drugs and alcohol? People all have their reasons for doing drugs and alcohol. So long as you don’t endanger others, I don’t really care what you do. 10. What are your views on religion? Don’t have one, but I don’t have anything against people who follow a religion. 11. Have you ever thought about ending your own life? If so, why? Oh yeah. Every single day for years. Heartbreak and depression are the main reasons I have thought about it. 12. Write 5 facts people might not know about you.I get really attached to people, I will never have children because I will never be able to give them 100%, I really want to have a pet donkey and Shetland pony, I have a Japanese sleeping mat rather than a traditional bed (helps my back), and I want to learn about coding and hacking because I find ethical hacking to be super interesting. 13. last really important text you got? “I love you”14. Can you let go? Letting go of people is really hard. 15. Discuss your first love. Was meh, guy ending up being pretty shitty. I don’t talk about it but I don’t regret it. 16. Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up. Explain why each song is on there. My iPod is dead. Send me this ask separately and I will answer once it is charged. 17. Name somewhere you’d like to move or visit. London19. What are your views on mainstream music? Not a big fan usually, but some is catchy18. Are you currently missing someone? Yeah19. At what age do you think people should have sex? Not before they start high school, but don’t think there is ever a time people should have it. 20. What are your highs and lows of this past year? Highs would be passing acting class, moving, and lows would be just about all of it. 21. What are your strongest beliefs? That there are good people in this world even if they are hard to find. 22. Who are you closest to in your family? Probably my mom, but we aren’t very close. 23. How important do you think education is? Extremely important. Education doesn’t have to be in a classroom, but learning is the key to making the world a better place. 24. What’s one of your favorite shows? Bones 25. How have you changed in the past 2 years? I self harm less and drink more. 26. Name 5 people who are famous who you find attractive. Andy Biersack, Ruby Rose, and idk who else. They are pretty much all attractive. 27. Name your favorite movie and what it’s about. V for Vendetta. Religion has taken over the government and a man is inspired by Guy Fawkes. Everyone should watch it. 28. Who is someone who fascinates you and why? Most politicians because I find it fascinating that they can care so little for the people they are supposed to represent. 29. What kind of person attracts you? Not afraid to laugh loud, loves music, supportive, doesn’t reject me because of my scars. 30. What’s a problem that you have recently had or are currently having? Anxiety over social interactions has gotten really really bad. 31. Name something that you miss. My cat Abby. 32. Share 5 goals you want completed in the next 30 days. Lose 5 pounds, not cut, not get drunk, read a book, run 4 days a week. 33. What’s been the highlight of your month and the lowest point? I can hardly remember the past 30 days… I guess the high is not failing any tests and the low would be my emotions. 34. What’s something that you’ve done in the past that you would never do again? Probably a sex thing or two. 35. What is you’re biggest insecurity & why? My height because I have been made fun of for it consistently since 4th grade. 36. What were the last 3 songs you listened to and what did they mean to you? “Wicked Ones” makes me happy, “these are the lies” basically how I feel most days, and “this is gospel” fun song and one of the kids I nanny adore the video of Brendon playing it on the piano. 37. Do you have a toy that’s really special to you and if so what is it, how did you get it etc? Not a toy, but my stuffed animal dog. My mom and I went to baby’s-r-us right before I first left for college because I was sad about leaving my cat and thought a big stuffed animal might help me. 38. Have you lost anyone close to you to death? No39. What is your purpose in life? Be there for people when they need it. 40. When was the last time you cried and what was it over? Yesterday because my computer isn’t working and my head hurt and I missed my best friend. 41. If you got to spend an entire day with your favourite celebrity what would you guys do? Go to the zoo42. If you could only listen to one artist for the rest of your life, who would you choose and why? Probably fall out boy cause they got a lot of good songs 43. What are 3 traits that you like about yourself and what are three that you dislike about yourself? Personality wise. Dislike: hard time letting things go, stubborn, tend to throw safety to the wind. Like: persistent, not ashamed of my mental health, and caring 44. Can you cook? If so what are your favorite dishes to make? I can cook basic stuff. Love this couscous with Tumerick and lemon. 45. What was the last decision you regretted making? Drinking 46. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”? Yeah47. Do you ever wish you were famous? Nope48. What’s the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to YOU? Or something that’s hurt you above anything else and why? It was said to me but they didn’t know it applied to me. A person said they think gay people should be put to death. 50. What mark would you want to leave on this world after you are gone? Just help people smile. 51. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery? No52. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on? Yeah53. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face? No 54. What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you? Kissed my scars when I was crying 55. What is one of your favorite memories? Stayed at a friend’s house all night and watched shows58. What’s the nicest present you’ve ever received? Globe from my grandma before she died 59. Have you ever had your heart broken? Yep60. Have you ever wanted to change anything about your life? If so, what? Yeah. Would love to have curable depression 61. What is something you feel like you are really good at? Nannying *idk why so many numbers are missing here*65. What’s one thing someone has done for you that was really small but made a huge impact? Got dragged to church with my family, was feeling mentally horrible so I went outside for a few minutes and a stranger asked if I was okay and said things will get better. 66. What do you do when you can’t sleep? Take meds until I do. 68. If you could change 3 things within your government, what would they be and why? I can’t even answer this cause there is so much wrong with our government 69. What’s your favourite holiday and why? Halloween cause I love all the costumes 70. What’s the kindest thing a stranger has ever done for you? Even if it’s TINY like holding a door open for you, something that you remember even though they were a complete stranger. See #6571. Who’s your favorite cartoon character? Louise Belcher 72. What’s the first song that comes to your mind while reading this and why? These are the Lies cause it’s stuck in my head. 74. What would you like to be the first dance song at your wedding? Idk, guess I try not to think about it. 75. Have you ever been told you look like a famous person, if so, who? Nope76. What’s one thing you can not live without? Animals 77. What is the most selfless thing you have ever done for someone? Idk. I do things for other people, but it just seems like what a friend should do. 78. Are you a girly girl? Sometimes 79. What color is your bed? Like the sheets…? Light purple right now80. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys? Dark 81. Are you currently frustrated with a boy? Little 82. Do you have a best friend? Yeah 82. What song makes you cry the most? Lucy 83. What’s the funniest film you’ve ever seen? Horrible Bosses was pretty funny 84. What’s something crazy that you’ve always wanted to do? Skydive without a person attached to me85. Has anything ever happened to you that you just can’t forgive? Most of the stuff my father has said 86. Ever been really drunk? No 😕87. Is there any type of rumor going around about you? Not that I know of 89. Have you ever felt ashamed about something? If so what was it & why? My height cause I was taller than all my classmates 90. Do you keep a journal? If so what mostly goes in it? Random thoughts, feelings, stories? Nope 
91. Do you like somebody? Yeah92. Craziest shit ever done? Same as #593. What’s the saddest story/one that’s touched you the most that you’ve ever heard on the news? Anything to do with dog fighting 94. If you were told you were going to have 3 daughters, what would you want to name them? Ophelia, Anastasia, Lucy 95. Do you have a middle name and if so, what is it? Rose96. Are you in a relationship? No97. Do you enjoy drama? Yeah98. Are you a virgin? No99. Are you short or tall? Tall100. Do you have siblings? If so, what are their names and how old are they? Claire age 17