#I never really make cakes actually! Probably for obvious reasons

[twilightarcade]

Mug cakes are so good actually they're like cakes except I don't have to go bake a cake. Then there were those little packet things like cake mix but for a mug cake and I think you were supposed to add water but I added milk (we only had almond milk actually idk how much of a difference that made) and like! The hot chocolate thing. It made it taste better and also I would add extra and it got really moist.

[piratefalls]

welcome back to the latest edition of biweekly fic recs! as always, mind the tags, if you can't leave a nice comment don't leave one at all, and happy reading!

masterlist.

There's No Problem That San Diego Can't Solve by @historicallysam

Alex doesn’t even bother knocking; he simply twists the knob on the door and shoves it open. His eyes narrow as the door bangs against the wall and he sees Henry on the phone. Maybe (definitely) it’s rude but his blood is fucking boiling so he doesn’t really care.

All the Ocean was Sleeping by @sparklepocalypse

The worst part about being a siren in the modern era, Henry ponders as yet another ship flies past his cove at a speed that he knows will disturb the anemone gardens below, is the yacht bros. Between the sound of their vessels’ motors and the dissonant noise the humans call music, Henry’s singing has no chance of attracting anyone’s attention.

cause you're a classic, and i'm reckless by @firenati0n

“I've, actually, uh. I've never done this before.” At this, Henry stops short, takes a second as his gaze moves up and to the left, trying to recall something. “I've seen your films. You most certainly have done intimate scenes.” Alex clears his throat. He hopes his nerves aren't completely obvious, the slight waver in his voice about to give him away. “Yeah, well. Never with a man, so. Not at this scale, anyway.” “Would it help to, er, practice?" Henry winces a little as he says it, which does not inspire confidence. But Alex is shocked nonetheless. What the fuck?

Over Land and Sea by SatinBirds

Alex and Henry come from very different worlds, and still, they manage to find each other.

Clean Slate by smc_27

“Henry.” Pez comes over, puts both hands on Henry’s cheeks and looks him dead in the eye. “You are not a sad man who’s gotten dumped. You’re in the prime of your life, and I quite desperately need you to act like it.” “The prime of my life,” Henry scoffs, more incredulous than questioning. “I’ve just gotten out of a 15 year relationship, endured a divorce, am suffering an almost impressive case of writer’s block, and your hands are like bloody icicles.” Pez grins, doesn’t take his hands away. “Explain to me how this is my prime. Please.” Pez tilts his head, and sounds entirely serious when he says, “Literally anything can happen from here.”

in bloom by stutteringpeach

Yoo, can u hook me up with some flowers?? It's the busiest day of the year for florists. Alex texts Henry with a last minute request.

here is a map (with your name for a capital) by @alasse9

That day at the Rio de Janeiro Olympics, Alex comes across the very same Prince Henry who just dismissed him having a panic attack in a bathroom. The choice Alex makes then has ripple effects neither of them could have ever expected. What's the story like, when they actually are friends all along? “So, you’re going back to England tonight, and you’ll spend the next three days pretending you two are the closest and best of friends until we can put this mess behind us.” And there are reasons he hasn’t told anybody this, good reasons, even though he’s sure June and Nora saw through him ages ago. Faced with his mom’s disappointment, though, and with the realization that the entire world apparently thinks he hates Henry and would willingly shove him into a fucking cake, he can’t stay quiet. “But we are friends,” he says, vehement and serious. “We have been for years. He’s—he’s probably my best friend, actually, along with Nora.”

thoughts of you consume by yrsonpurpose

Henry sees Alex appear on the red carpet in a blue suit that screams sex on legs and is ready to throw away all attempts at concealing their secret relationship in the name of dropping to his knees at the first available opportunity.

eyes on me by matherine

Alex’s hips buck back against Henry’s mouth the moment his tongue does more than tease, and Henry squeezes his hip in gentle consternation. But before he can say anything, Alex is already rambling. “Sorry, I’m — I’m sorry, I know you said not to move, and I’m trying, I — I’m trying to be good, I promise,” he blurts, voice shaking ever so slightly from something that certainly doesn’t sound like pleasure, resolutely refusing to turn his head so that he can meet Henry’s gaze from where he’s positioned behind him. Henry’s heart aches. “Alex — love, it’s alright. Where’s your mind?” Or: Sometimes, Alex needs a distraction. Something to take the edge off, to scrub away at the stress of the day. Some days, it works better than others. 

the evolution of intimacy by Poutini

There’s no spontaneity anymore. One might think this boring. That the novelty had worn off. The spark snuffed. Absolutely not

Want Me by OrchidScript

Henry had always been weak for a nice smile, but his was impossible to ignore. Blame it on summer heat and a fresh flush in his cheeks. Blame it on sunset painting the outdoor bar sweltering, romantic colors. Blame it on two healthy glasses of albariño thrumming in his bloodstream, or the good music floating on the air. Henry could blame it on anything liked if he thought long and hard about it, but that didn’t change much at the end. The core remained the same: he had been gone from the jump. -- Henry and Alex hook up on a vacation in Spain. Henry falls a bit deeper.

fill my lungs with sweetness by @priincebutt

Henry George Edward James Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor wakes up at 3 AM on his birthday to an empty bed. What could Alex possibly be getting up to at 3 AM the night before his birthday? The possibilities are endless.

got myself in quite a tangle by coffeecatsme

"It seems I've gotten myself in quite a tangle." "Tangle?" Henry's voice is hoarse, eyes darkened as they travel over Alex's body. They stop at his crotch, and Alex can see it even under the dim lights—Henry's growing hard too, a visible bulge pushing at his sweatpants. Alex's cock gives a desperate twitch. "Y'know, I was trying to put them around the tree," he starts, gesturing at the plain tree at the corner. It's clear he didn't even attempt to touch it. "And somehow I've managed to completely trap myself. Can't even move my hands." Henry makes a desperate noise at the back of his throat as his eyes snap up to Alex's face. Alex flashes him a suggestive grin, teeth biting down on his lip. "Seems I'm completely at your mercy."

The Forces of Chance and Coincidences by @stellarm

Bad weather leads to a late flight that leads to no one being where they wanted to be, but maybe everyone was where they needed to be.

I've never felt safer (than when I'm with you) by viciouslyqueer

Alex takes the bag and opens it slowly, careful not to rip it, and gasps quietly as he sees what’s inside. “H, you didn’t…” Strong arms wrap around his waist from behind, Henry’s chest warm against his back. “Do you like it?” Henry asks in a whisper, resting his chin on Alex’s shoulder. Alex doesn’t know what to say. Gingerly, like he might ruin it with even the smallest touch, he takes out the silky fabric and holds it up in front of them. It’s a gorgeous dress, fancy too, in a deep red color with thin straps and an open back. It’s long, almost touching the floor even as Alex holds it up and has a slit on the left side that would probably end a little above Alex’s knee.

An Amateur's Guide to Professional Gift-Giving by anincompletelist

Alex, a former-law-student-taking-some-time-off turned professional part-time gift giver, is tasked with finding a gift for the most high profile client he's ever worked with, both in and out of the world of law. It turns out finding the perfect gift for the Prince of Wales might be easier than he'd anticipated.

Love At First Bark by everwitch

“I still don’t know your name, do I?” Henry watches Alex where he’s crouched down in front of David and gently scratching David below his chin. David absolutely loves Alex. Henry can relate. “It’s David,” Henry supplies. “Cool,” Alex says. “And what’s the dog’s name?” Henry blinks at him. “... David?” “What?” Alex exclaims. He looks from David to Henry and then back at David again. “Wow, okay, that is a choice.” Henry wants to sink through the earth and never come back up again.

don't let me get drunk again by headabovethewater

Alex had never wanted to cancel plans as much as he had while watching Henry pull a pair of light wash, tight jeans over his stockinged legs and bare ass. Christ, he’s getting hard thinking about it now.

The Beginner's Guide to Floristry by clottedcreamfudge

As if there's anything romantic about it; as if it's not the most humiliating death Alex can imagine. This is why he doesn't do relationships. This is why he never will. The risk, as far as he fucking sees it, is too great. -- Hanahaki Disease is a fictional disease where the victim of unrequited or one-sided love begins to vomit or cough up the petals and flowers of a flowering plant growing in their lungs, which will eventually grow large enough to render breathing impossible.

Everything you take, you make it better. So go on, take forever by @hgejfmw-hgejhsf

It's 2024, and nobody knows they're engaged. But they will, just as soon as Alex can decide what to wear to his birthday dinner. Henry has an idea and a special gift to match.

false pretenses by rizcriz

Henry spins around, glaring at Alex. “For christs sake,” He hisses, holding a hand out between them. “Can we just not? I do not have the capacity to pretend to hate you today.” Alex splutters as Henry turns on his heel and starts to walk away. He stares after him helplessly. “Pretend?” After a beat, he starts to follow after him, “What the fuck do you mean pretend?” Three years of breathing down each others necks, fighting every time they come in contact with each other. And if Henry is saying every single thing on his end has been pretend, Alex Claremont-Diaz is going to have a fucking breakdown. Because he has been harboring this stupid fucking crush and burying it beneath false antagonism, meeting Henry where he’s at, for three years, and if Henry is implying that they’re both faking it— -- or, Alex learns better.

turn the desert to glass (you would be the one) by @taste-thewaste

Henry and Alex's domestic bliss has lead to some changes in Henry's body. Henry doesn't really mind being a little chubby, but he wonders if Alex does. Alex, it turns out, does not. Not one bit. He does not mind one bit, and he is more than eager to prove it.

coming on fast like good dreams do by cricketnationrise

When Henry recovers from his unexpected factory reset, he still can’t really breathe properly and somehow Alex is still standing in front of him with a hopeful and excited expression on his face. “Run that by me again?” he asks faintly. “I need your help.” “Right…” “I need you to edge me. Like a lot,” Alex says with a shrug. Nope, it’s not any clearer a second time around.

as always, let me know if you want to be tagged in future lists, whether you're a reader or writer!

tagging @starkfridays @stilesgivesmefeels @midnightsfp @sarahjswift @enablelove

[inbarfink]

You know, outside of all the obvious reasons why Simon’s Bad Crown Plan was Obviously Bad - there is one extra reason the series itself didn’t directly acknowledge. That is, while wearing the Magic Crown can grant any ol’ schmuck ice powers 

It generally doesn’t seem to give them the Full Ice Wizard Transformation Treatment, with all the Madness and Sadness that comes with it

Unless the previous Wielder is dead.

So presumably, what Simon was trying to find wasn’t just any Magic Crown, it was a Magic Crown who wasn’t attuned to any other wearer and probably because the previous wearer is dead. But in the show it just never directly came up since the non-destroyed Crowns we’ve actually encountered were:

The Extinctworld Magic Crown, over whom the majority of the Drama actively revolves around - whose wielder was indeed long dead before Simon and Friends even got there.

The Vampireworld Magic Crown, where killing the wielder of the Crown was already kinda taken as granted as part of the plan for getting it.

And even when that plan got derailed and our trio was considering taking the Magic Crown and bailing - it was also explicitly stated that just knocking the thing off his head could’ve dispelled the clouds blotting out the sun and killed him anyways. 

Then there’s the Winterworld Magic Crown, where despite Cake’s… eagerness

Simon and Fionna never make any attempts to get the Crown from the Winter King, but also this guy does also pretty much immediately says he's willing to help them in ways that don't involve taking his specific Crown.

And at the same time it is notable that as soon as he does die

Simon is pretty quick to try to loot his ‘corpse’. 

So, really from the immediacy of his actions here, I feel like he is aware that needs a Magic Crown not immediately bound to a living person.

With the possibility of infinite crowns in infinite circumstances, I’m going to assume Simon’s plan was, if he found a Crown bound to someone’s below Vampire King’s level of ‘apocalyptic supervillain slowly killing the whole planet’ level of awfulness and also without Winter King's capacity and (supposed?) willingness to help - they’d just hope on to the next universe and try again.

And obviously I understand that, narratively speaking, for the sake of Simon’s character arc - Crown Quest kinda had to remain focused on Simon’s own self-sacrifice and the price he felt he had to pay for the sake of Fionnaworld. But… I do wonder, with how desperate the situation got in Episodes 7 and 8…and with Simon previously already seeing death as preferable to the curse of the Magic Crown…

... What would have happened if it seemed like the last chance to save Fionnaworld was a Crown bound to a living Ice King? Would Simon even consider upping the number of sacrifices needed to keep Fionnaworld eternal from one to two? Especially if he can rationalize it as the ‘Mercy Killing’ he never got? Or would the second his Purpose involve any sort of destruction that isn’t purely self-destruction is the point that this plan is off the hook?

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Meghan is still protected by the palace via being married to Harry.

No one will call her out as long as that protection is in place.

I don't think this is the reason why. If it was Catherine the media had dirt on they would be all over it, everything would be written about and everyone would have an opinion. Catherine as a senior member of the royal family couldn't just disappear in this hypothetical scenario of the media having dirt on her so the media wouldn't have to worry about loosing money they regularly make off her simply existing in the public space. (Look at the desperation for Catherine to return as her absence due to illness has put a dent in revenue otherwise expected) Meghan can only dream of having that kind of influence but she still makes the media money and if the truth about her was exposed she'd actually have to properly disappear and probably for a considerable period. The media want their cake and to eat it too, to have this situation they'll continue to not point out any contradictions, changing stories and the obvious lies told by Meghan and if they have any real damaging information that would destroy Meghan's reputation completely it will never be revealed.

This comparison doesn't work. Kate doesn't have that kind of dirt in her closet. The comparison is apples and filet mignon. That's why the press would be all over it if Kate did have this dirt - because her reputation and her image is so squeaky clean otherwise. It validates one of the biggest pieces of criticism about her, "no one's this perfect."

For the comparison to work, it has to be apples and apples. You have to assume that either Kate has the same/similar skeletons in her closet or that Meghan has a squeaky clean reputation and image.

And if Kate has the skeletons in her closet, she absolutely would be protected by the BRF. If the BRF wouldn't have done it, then William would have. He's shown us that he'd protect Kate (when he dealt with the phone hacking, when he sued over the topless photos, when The Tatler insulted the Middletons in their 'Kate the Great' article when he dealt with the medical privacy invasion, when he supported her convalescence instead of working through it), so it's safe to assume that he'd protect her in some way.

But if Meghan did have the squeaky clean reputation and image, the BRF wouldn't be protecting her as much, because there wouldn't be anything to protect. Just like they do with Kate currently.

Second, the BRF will always protect their own. Even if Harry is PNG'd and no one talks to him, they'll still throw down for him if he gets into serious trouble (and speculation is that they do - Charles sends money in some way, BP still takes Harry's calls, he can still arrange a meeting with Charles). I mean, Harry's not getting all these second, third, fourth chances with his lawsuits because he has the best lawyer in the world.

And because Meghan is married to Harry, that protection extends to her. Because why else haven't the things the media discovered in 2016 been published (like her debts, her addictions, her real connections to Soho House, her Flim Flam business and all her trademark/copyright applications)? After all, if they were hinting about those stories in 2016 and then got slapped down by the palace and Harry's love shield, that doesn't mean those things they discovered went away. It just means they didn't publish them. So why haven't they published them any time in, say, the last 3 years since the Oprah interview, if they really loathe Meghan as much as they claim to?

Because she's still protected by the BRF through her marriage. Once Harry says he's done with her, all bets are off and the dirt is going to fly. And we know this is going to happen because we see it happen. Any time there's PR about Harry and Meghan leading distant or separate lives, the press starts to drip and tease stories about Meghan, but before anything serious leaks out, there's a whole new wave of "Meghan and Harry are stronger than ever" PR.

[saikoucorps]

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ꪆৎ ˚ matchup for... @zackfairscumslut !!

ꪆ୧ if you would like to request a matchup, read this.

ִ ☆゙ requests are open.

[nsfw warning.]

FOR MHA..

♡ ➜ YOUR MATCH IS....

ʚ‎‏ ͜ ̩͙ ︵ ̩͙ ୨ TENYA IIDA ୧ ̩͙ ‏︵ ̩͙ ͜

ִ ☆゙ REASONING: he would immediately have his eyes on you. Your personalities are very different but you guys have the same qualities and it makes your dynamic so much more interesting! He'd definitely be so over you and so into you at the same time.

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ꪆৎ ˚ favorite thing about you: your intelligence and jokes! He admires how smart you are (academically, at least...) and always praises you for doing well in exams. Your humor is something he doesn't tolerate sometimes, but it does always make him smile in secret.

★ ship name! : richiida

ꪆ୧ HOW YOU MET:

Entrance Exam. You definitely giggled at present mic while he explained what the exam was. He didn't point you out until he pointed Izuku out, then flamed you.

"Also, you with the glasses. If you think this is a joke you might as well leave." (Or something like that) He approached you again right before the actual exam and totally told you to take it seriously or you'll be seeing yourself out. Somehow you offended him with that giggle. You passed the exam successfully but unfortunately (fortunately) ended up in the same class as him. He probably noticed you the moment you walked in and apologized to you.

"You there! I am sincerely sorry for assuming you didn't take this school seriously! I hope we can learn from this experience and look past this as people!"

And you just.. stood there awkwardly "Yeah yeah dude you're good.." (you lowkey wanted him to shut up. he was so serious..)

He geuinley believe he doubted you horribly and that you were smarter than you seemed. Like this mf ADMIRED you from the start.

ꪆ୧ CONFESSION:

Ochako and Izuku had found out about his crush on you, it was painfully obvious. He gave everyone a hard time but you. If you ever broke a rule accidentally, he'd let it slide. Maybe a soft heads up. He didn't actually know he liked you until Ochako and Izuku pointed it out. (Honestly, the whole class knew about his favoritism towards you...) He defo denied it and ended up thinking about it the entire night. The next day he pulled Ocahko and Izuku to the side and asked them more about his supposed "feelings" for you. He realized he really did have a crush on you. He asked them what he should do now and Ochako suggested he should just tell you! Izuku cake up with a VERY elaborate and detailed plan about how Iida could go about this, but he turned down the offer, claiming he wanted to do it on his own. It took a ton of courage. He was very nice to you the whole day, after class ended he invited you to a study session with him. You agreed, of course, and you both went to this café. You realized that Iida didn't really have anything with him for studying but you chose to ignore it. Study sessions were common between you two, so you ordered your normal coffee. He always ended up paying things for you. After your coffee was handed to you, he brought up that he had something to tell you. You asked him what was up and then he went on a rant about how amazing you were. He mentioned he admired your intelligence, that ever since he's met you you've stood out to him the most, that despite your out of pocket humor and jokes.. you're the only person he really smiles at, that you never fail to impress him ever, etc etc. He went into DETAIL about what he loved about you. How you're tie was never exactly tied correctly, how your glasses always seemed to have a new scratch weekly, how your lips were always picked (of course he noticed that... he's always staring at them.), and how your eyes matched those beautiful sage rocks he saw at the store. It was kinda crazy how much he noticed about you, after that long rant he finally said it.

"—and all in all, I believe I'm in love with you, Richie."

(finally he got to the point..)

you were shocked. Well, you were shocked the entire rant to. You were really taken aback. It took a good moments of silence before you spoke up, "Wow.. I did not know you knew all that..", you played it off as a joke of course, you didn't mind.

"Oh gosh! I apologize for being creepy!"

You assured him that he wasn't and that you didn't really care and that it wasn't a bother. You admitted you felt the same way about him, he nearly cried of joy.

The first people to hear the news were of course Ochako and Izuku. Ochako asked if it went well with you, and all he gave them was a thumbs up and cheeky ass smile.

ꪆ୧ FIRST DATE:

library. He knew you loved books, and so did he. So because of your shared love for the same thing, he thought it'd be a great idea to take you to the library! As always, he offered to pay everything you get and that you shouldn't hold back on what you get. He knew it made you feel guilty, so even after you said 'okay' he reassured you even more. You grabbed a lot of mystery and horror books, while he grabbed sci-fi and historical leaning books. You're tastes in books were so different, but it didn't stop him from reading what you read, he actually thought you had very good taste. There was this book you for, whatever reason, you absolutely had to get. Unfortunately, it on a very high shelf. Thankfully there was a ladder nearby and you went to grab it, until you realized the book you just grabbed was stacked onto many other books. The books ended up falling down, some hit Iida. You frantically apologized to him explaining you were only trying to get a single book, he scolded you for making a mess in public and you both ended up putting the books back up.

"Next time, ask me if you need to get something you cant reach. I am taller anyway, so it'd be more logical."

(that was very backhanded.)

He forgave you obviously, and you guys ended up checking out your books. In total you had grabbed around 25. You saw your chance and took it. You guys did end up reading those books together. You two sat in his dorm, dimmed lights, very ambient music playing as you guys read them, separately. Even though you guys weren't exactly interacting, the presence of you both felt amazing.

☆ GENERAL HEADCANONS:

Before you guys started dating, he always made sure to say good morning to you before class. He would wait infront of the classroom, as he always does as the class representative, and when he'd see you he would smile and tell you good morning.

He would definitely always have a awkward smile while looking at you, or after you tell one of your jokes. Sometimes he has to hold himself back from snickering. (It wouldn't be appropriate as class rep!)

If there were ever projects where he needed a partner, you'd be the first he chooses. Izuku actually asked Iida once to pair up with him and turned him down, then walked straight towards you.

He definitely makes you guys study together "for your education", he says that atleast. Honestly, he just wants to spend time with you.

whenever you're around, he's less strict and more calm. He's normally tense but when you come into the room it's like he jumped into a cold pool on a hot day.

even though he let's you get away with things, he always makes sure you're safe. He never gives up the chance to call you out on anything that would harm you in any way.

He's normally not up to trying new things, that is, until you came into the picture. If you ever asked him to try anything new, he'd say yes immediately.

If you couldn't tell before, he's very attentive. If you're ever upset he's the FIRST to notice and ask you what's wrong, even if you say you're fine it won't stop him from worrying. He'd leave a Dr pepper by your dorm door or those cookies and cream hersheys he's heard you mention liking. He'd even give you his notes for that days assignment! He doesn’t condone cheating, no matter from who, but hes always willing to give you his notes to help you out.

he can tend to be very dramatic sometimes.. if anything ever happens to you he'll be so worried about you! He'd apologize constantly even if it wasn't even his fault to begin with.

He LOVES to make you laugh. He knows you laugh at the most stupidest stuff sometimes and he's taken note of that.

He will always save a seat next to him for you. Even before you guys started dating, there was always an open seat for you.

If you're ever worried or stressed about exams, he'll give you two thumbs up and that goofy smile he always has for you.

He loves reading every single one of your poems. He keeps them in a journal and loves to re read them at night, or whenever he feels down. Even though that's rare, your words always make him feel better. He constantly compliments your writing and always praises it when you aren't even in the conversation. "Oh, Richie's a good writer too!" "I doubt they're any better than Richie."

Before you guys were a thing, he was always so done with you. Because you were so unserious while he was super serious, he bickered with you a lot.

if you were to ever compliment him, he would absolutely freak out. He doesn't get them often so when he receives them from you he just melts.

he loves to do small favors for you. If you ever need help, he's there.

He's constantly complimenting you on things, big or small. He loves to appreciate you.

He isn't about PDA that much, and thankfully you aren't either. He's always quietly holding your hand or your leg when you start to look anxious.

Even though he's super strict, he has the dirtiest mind ever. He understands all your jokes. Sometimes he has to cover his mouth and look away to stop himself from giggling.

He uses his orange juice as fuel for his quirk so he never ends up sharing it, until he found out you liked it and he started saving one can for you after training.

He believes you deserve the best, so he's always taking you on formal dates. But, if you ever wanted to stay in he would 100%.

If you guys were ever cuddling together ans slept through the whole night, you'd probably wake up to 10 different alarms going off at once. He keeps that many incase he misses one.

He's a HORRIBLE cook but he always cooks you spaghetti in his free time.

Meeting his family was crazy, his parents would have high standards for him so when he told them you were coming over for dinner, they were definitely prepared to judge you. They actually ended up loving you in the end. His brother, Tensei, especially.

Hes such a gentleman towards you.

When you guys are alone you both are always making jokes! His serious and strict facade is almost nonexistent when you two are alone and it's never boring.

He would probably call you things like "honey", "sweetheart", or mainly "love".

He always encourages you to play your guitar, he loves watching you practice or play for him.

He would so play FF7 with you. Even if he's just watching, he loves it. He would literally let you rant till the end of time about it. (He loves how passionate you are for it!)

LOYALLL ASFFF if anyone talks bad about you he's immediately dealing with them in whatever way possible.

I can see his texts being formal but I can see him being somewhat dry, he'd adapt to your texting style over time and might literally start using your slang. Imagine texting him one day and he hits you with the "What the rizz, Richie." (He defo has proper grammer and spelling)

He would buy you stuff as soon as you mention liking it. That new Alvin and the Chipmunks movie you can't afford? Bought.

If you ever had a bad day he would pass you a note in class (something he dares not to do) that says "you okay? :)"

Would binge watch SPVTW with you.

The most respectful man alive.

Hits you with the "wanna race?" When you slightly piss him off with your horrible jokes

Your quirk is literally a video game, no suprise there why you like games so much. But sometimes iida wonders why you like them so much, like, you're always on them. "Do you ever get tired of video games? You're like Mario in real life isn't that enough?"

ꪆ୧ NSFW HEADCANONS:

Service top and tops from the bottom.

He's probably super vanilla for your first few times together, but the more time you guys spend together, the more he opens up to more stuff

Actually, remember how I said he's open to trying new things for you? Yeah, that applies in bed too.

Lady in the streets freak in the sheets typa guy

He's noisy. He will whimper at literally any touch you give him, or because it feels too good.

He would tend to you before himself, he would always make sure you release before him.

TRANS IIDA!! T4T!!

His strap is definitely big. He once went online to order one, before you guys even ever had you first time, and was embarrassed by the amount of selections.. he ended buying one that had a LOT of mechanics, and a very simple one.

I can see him secretly being into some really kinky crap.. it would come out of no where to just a "would you maybe be interested in bondage" or something like that

He would have a whole ass conversation with you before your first time. Like before it even happens, just one day out of nowhere your jokes make him think for a bit before asking you what you're into and of you even want to have sex with him.. he'd definitely talk about boundaries and all that and rant about the whole biology of it just to make sure it goes good.

He would listen to whatever you tell him. Want him to be on top? Okay. Want him to bottom? Easy. Want him to be softer? Bet. Want him to be rougher? You got it.

It's never usually initiated by him, except on his bad days. He'd resort to the only person who can make him feel better, literally

he's a leg dude.

LOVES to be in-between your legs constantly. He would literally go on for hours if it was possible. He won't stop until he knows you're satisfied.

Because his quirk is related to speed, he's definitely fast without his engines. So, if you ever need him to go faster.. he definitely can.

He would definitely buy you different lingerie. Like I can just see him giving you a gift and it's the craziest lingerie you've ever seen.

Quickies are rare with him, but it doesn't mean it don't happen. He prefers to make you feel loved.

He defo give you a lot of kisses during it, literally anywhere that's within his reach.

Like before, he's rich, so if you ever suggested you wanted something like a toy, it's bought immediately. Just like any normal item.

He would always make sure he doesn't cross any boundaries with you, and there would probably be a few talks about it here and there incase anything has changed.

Dirty talk would get him flustered at first but the more it happens the more he's into it. He'd go from a flustered mess to being the one to command you in that serious tone he always has.

69ing would not be possible. You're too short and he's too tall.

He's not the type to tease you, outside the bedroom at least. If you were to constantly flirt and mess with him the entire day you better pray. You wouldn't be able to sit correctly the next day.

He's absolutely amazing at aftercare. He will be checking if you're hurt or not. As soon as it's over he gets you both cleaned up, maybe a bath if you guys weren't too tired, and he would cuddle you in bed until you both fall asleep.

He loves rough sex secretly.

He wants to always be looking at your face during it, but if you wanted to take it from behind he would not argue. It may even be way easier for him. His favorite position is definitely doggy style.

He's probably very inexperienced at first, but would have knowledge on it. Not the kind of knowledge you get from watching porn, no. The knowledge you get from studying the human body.

hair pulling. He loves it both ways.

He definitely isn't silent the entire time, he talks to you and checks up on you.

Cbat

ꪆ୧ DRABBLE:

( t4t iida supremacy.. )

"Iida, I have to tell you something." You guys were one week into dating, you haven't really told anyone in class this.. well, Mineta knew. But you didn't tell him. "Oh? Tell me what?" His interest peaked to you now, instead of the show you guys were currently watching for the fifteenth time this week. You were in his dorm as usual. "It's kind of personal.. I don't know how you'll react but.." your thoughts ended up trailing off topic. Iida pur a firm, but soft grip on your shoulder and gave you a comforting smile. "Take your time."

You took a deep breath, collecting your thoughts. It was scary but if he didn't like it he could go suck a dick.

"I'm.. trans. I wasn't really born.. a dude."

"Oh..?"

Iida was shocked, the room was silent and you went to speak again but he cut you off.

"Same."

What.

"Same??"

"I mean same, I'm also trans! It's nice to know you are to. I'm glad you have entrusted me with this information!"

His voice spoke loud, before it became softer.

"This doesn't change the way I see you."

Well, you knew that. You gave him a smile before you guys turned back to, once again, rewatching SPVTW. He never gets bored of it and neither do you.

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ꪆৎ ˚ tropes:

Friends to Lovers Height Difference Pair the Smart Ones Bonus: Rich x Broke

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ꪆৎ ˚ second choice:

I had a lot of difficulty choosing this one.. I had considered Bakugo or Tokoyami because Bakugo sort of matched up with your type and you're someone he'd fall on love with, Tokoyami because your interests match up a lot. Obviously in the end, Iida was the best choice for you (and him).

ִ ☆゙ SONG RELATED TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP:

he definitely listens to Taylor Swift for you.

FOR YANDERE SIMULATOR..

♡ ➜ YOUR MATCH IS....

ʚ‎‏ ͜ ̩͙ ︵ ̩͙ ୨ BUDO MASUYAMA

ִ ☆゙ REASONING: he's your biggest supporter ever. He's the kind of person you need personality wise and you guys would probably really get along good. You would probably catch his eye, maybe not immediately, but you definitely would. He's your type as well and you're probably his. He'd probably like how unflashy you are compared to everyone else and how different you are from him. Plus, he reminds me of a certain character you love so much....

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ꪆৎ ˚ favorite thing about you: the fact you hit the gym, and how interesting you come off to him. You and him are total opposites if you really think about it, and it catches his eye a lot. He's used to liking people similar to him so you were something new. And he loved it.

★ ship name! : richudo

ꪆ୧ HOW YOU MET:

In the hallways. Literally. You has caught his eye, he's never seen you around school before. He had to introduce himself! It's the kind of guy he is anyways. Plus, incase you were new, you'd have a wonderful first interaction! You infact weren't new. You just kept to yourself, a lot. You noticed him walking your way, to be honest you didn't really know who he was. "Hi there! I'm Budo Masuta, president of the martial arts club! What's your name?" Oh, that's who he was. You've heard of him before, just never saw him. You introduced yourself and he asked you if you were new, when you said you weren't he was shocked. "I've never seen you around here?" You just shrugged. You didn't see the point in making yourself known. He struck up a long conversation with you and he wanted to be your friend, why the hell not. He thought you guys got along really well despite being so different.

ꪆ୧ CONFESSION:

Did he really gain feelings for you within a week? Yes. He didn't confess to you the week you met, rather a month later. He didn't believe in the cherry blossom tree myth.. but he thought what's better then confessing there. Ever since meeting you, you've always in his mind. You felt so different from everyone else there, it was hard to not like you. He slid the note into your locker at 5:30 pm and ran to the tree, waiting for you. He was nervous. What if you didn't feel the same way? What if you hated him after this??? So many thoughts ran through his head. You ended up finding the note and went to the tree. You may have glasses, but you didn't realize who was at the tree until you got there. "Budo?" He nervously stared at you for a moment before he realized he should probably speak. He admitted that ever since you two hung out more, his interest for you grew, and so did his feelings. He mentioned that you've always caught his interest, how you seemed so boring yet you were so interesting at the same time, or how a nerd like you hit the gym. You managed to always shock him and he loved that about you. He said it would mean the world to him if you felt the same. And you did! You told him you felt the same way about him, that he was amazing in every way. He nearly cried, he did tear up a bit. He gave you the biggest hug ever and kissed you! He was so happy.

ꪆ୧ FIRST DATE:

A picnic. He thought it would be nice to be outside and sit in a calm area, he knew you loved that stuff. He had went all out! The area you guys sat in was literally perfect. No bugs, a beautiful view, and no interruptions. He brought a ton of food for you guys, and even some spaghetti he personally cooked himself. You guys talked for a while, enjoying the food that was there.. until a seagull came. It took your damn sandwich. Budo felt bad for you and ended up giving you his own sandwich, there was plenty of food anyways.

After you guys were full, you talked for a little more until it got darker outside. Budo packed up the leftover food and offered to walk with you around the park. You agreed and you two spent the next few hours walking and talking. There was an ice cream truck for some reason.. but he got you ice cream! Specifically, mint chocolate chip. He drove you home and ended your night with a kiss and a few goodnight texts.

☆ GENERAL HEADCANONS:

You guys have very different interests. One thing you do have in common is going to the gym, so most of your simple hangouts before you guys started dating were just going to the gym together.

He always encourages you to join the martial arts club, despite the fact you're in the music club.

Loves to hear your club play, whenever you guys practice out of school he's always there to support you guys, mainly you.

After you guys started dating you became more known, people were shocked. Most congratulated you for pulling such a hottie.

Your biggest supporter. Like I said before, he is always going to support you. Losing motivation? You can do it! Writing a new story? Tell him all about it!

You just talking to him is enough. He loves spending time with you.

The biggest acts of service and quality time guy ever, definitely into physical touch to.

You need a bento that day? Boom done. Need him to carry a bag? You got it.

He loves when you come by his club to watch them, it means more time for you guys.

Your presence means everything to him sometimes, and can even be distracting.

biggest hype man ever. He will always give you words of encouragement or text you quotes like "just because it may seem hard, doesn't mean it's impossible!"

He might literally even pass you notes in class just to encourage you however, it may be annoying at some point but he means well.

he's the type to randomly walk up to you and say a random ass pick up line. "Are you lightning? Because your my king" with a wink and walk away.

He knows you aren't big on PDA, but he usually blows you a kiss just cause. At lunch he'll have his hand on your leg, as long as you're okay.

he will tease and flirt with you. He defo became bolder after you guys started dating, he can be evil sometimes.

literal bodyguard. He has high morals, but he'd drop them as soon as someone says something to you

definitely not the jealous type, but he can be slightly possessive.

he doesn't like video games normally, so he likes to sit and watch you plan your games. He slowly ends up liking them because you do

he's a very gentle guy. If you even seem slightly upset he's there to reassure you.

he loves it when you practice your instruments for him. He'd probably even ask you to teach him. (Please don't let him play the guitar. It's geuinley horrible.)

When he found out you read books, he tried reading some that you were reading. A few of them were actually interesting to him and he's reread at least 2 of them

He always has a spare bento incase you forget yours that day.

I can see him as the typa dude to have insane music taste, he definitely makes you playlists.

He loves your poems so much, it makes him feel loved on such a deep level he genuinely cries.

Picked up on your brainrot way to quickly. The first time you had realized he started using it was when he passed you a note saying "You're the alpha :D"....

you guys totally have similar humor. Your jokes may throw him off a lot, he'd probably laugh it off and then spend his night thinking about what's wrong with you instead of sleeping.

Could care less if you're trans. The day you told him he just looked confused as to why it mattered. "Okay? Are you transitioning now or.. oh.. that's cool."

Its like he has a 6th sense that let's him now when you're sad. The moment you feel down he hits you with a motivational quote text or an "are you okay?"

will lend you his clothes constantly. He'll "accidentally" leave his jackets or shirts at your place and when you tell him he'll end up saying 'keep it'

Beat up a vending machine for your salty chips

Has secret beef with Zack Fair from FF7 whenever you play the game

You actually liked him before he liked you so whenever he saw that you were nervous or just weird around him he geuinley thought he was the problem

Was terrified to confess to you, he fears rejection.

Loves taking you on dates, it could be as simple as something inside or as crazy as a 5 star expensive restaurant.

ꪆ୧ NSFW HEADCANONS:

Soft dom.

Literally cannot cum anywhere unless it's in you, he thinks coming on you feels too dirty.

Probably wouldn't be too into stuff that involves hurting you seriously. Maybe soft bdsm.. but other than that not really. (He's a liar.)

You guys would have to be dating for a while for him to consider rough stuff.

Quickies are something he really enjoys. The suspense of having to hurry up seriously intrigues him.

He may be a soft dom but if you act like a brat that quickly changes.

Your first time with him was in his car. You gave him a horrible boner that night and he just couldn't resist you

Definitely the type to send you dirty texts in class .. you'll be actually trying to understand the lesson until your phone vibrates and it's him wanting to pin you down

Loves his hair being pulled, and pulling hair.

Will leave marks, if any are in the open he'll say the uniform covers you neck anyways.

Is obsessed with your neck, he'll kiss it, bite it, lick it, whatever.

He's extremely strong so he always has to make sure that when you guys are rough it doesn't actually hurt you, until he finds out you like it.

6½ inches long, 5.78 in girth

Loves receiving and giving hand jobs. He likes to be able to look directly at you while having his fingers work the magic.

More on that, he's really good with his hands. Plus, because he's muscular they're thicker than average.

will be super sweet during in and then all the sudden he'll get close to your ear and say the dirtiest thing alive.

slightly sadistic..

he's very handsy during it, like he'll always try to grab onto you or pull you closer.

He will check up on you between rounds or even during the round.

Lady in the streets freak in the sheets.

He most likely has a lot of stamina due to doing martial arts so you guys could go a very long time.

After you guys are done, he'll most likely pull you in to cuddle and fall asleep. He'd deal with everything else in the morning of course, he just wants to feel you.

ꪆ୧ DRABBLE:

(His beef with Zack Fair from FF7)

You were playing that cursed game again. He didn't hate it, or hate you playing it. It was just that one dude you loved so much. You once mentioned how him and that character were similar, that he had the same qualities as him. He agreed with you obviously, until your obsession got a little out of hand.

He knows you were just joking, he's usually joking too. But it's just what you seemed to say about that fictional dude whenever he came on screen.

"God I want to get him pregnant so badly."

"Huh???? Richie that isn't exactly possible—"

"I'd find a way. He's so bad babe oh my god."

Sometimes he wondered if you were on drugs secretly. Honestly, Zack Fair was a cool character, you just took it took far. He'd sit silent sometimes snacking on stuff while you play, watching the interactions between those two characters you swear are in love. Personally, he agrees. He found this game really interesting, he just likes pretending he hates it. He basically knows everything there is to know about it because of you.

You were so passionate about it.

So for now, he'll deal with it. He's better than a fictional character anyways..

(if only he knew)

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ꪆৎ ˚ tropes:

They fell first, he fell harder Strangers to Lovers Loser x Popular Bonus: opposites attract

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ꪆৎ ˚ second choice:

Honestly I almost chose Kizana. It was a VERY. VERY. Close call. She loves people who are easy to handle and will do whatever she asks of them, and she's definitely your type, but she treats everyone that way. I feel like you could definitely make her a better person and get her to drop her arrogant and stage persona she has. She would like you but not enough to date you long term, yeah, you're very similar to taro, but let's be real. He's a pushover.

☆゙ SONG RELATED TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP:

it just makes sense.

ꪆ୧ side note : this is part one of your request (^з^)-☆

[my-great-big-book-of-fan-fiction]

sunshine reader x L oneshot

NOT THE SMUT...but that's coming soon.

Yalllll this L smut is taking me wayyyy too long to finish, I've been hit with inspiration in the WRONG department (katsuki series), and now that's all I can think about. Until I'm able to crank out the actual L smut, have this little oneshot about joining the kira task force!

"I'm here," you announce cheerily, bursting in through the door with a big smile and a briefcase in your hands.

"Uh, sorry, who are you," Mogi asks, stopping you at the door. He had a stern look on his face, like he thought you were tresspassing.

"She is a consultant on this case," L says calmly, not turning from his place before his computer, his thumb pressed to his lips in thought, his knees to his chest.

"everyone, this is (Y/n). Make yourselves acquainted."

"A consultant?" "What do you need consulting on?" "I thought you said you didn't need anymore detectives."

L sighed, a frown appearing on his lips as he glanced back toward where the group would be. "I thought I told you to acquaint yourselves," he said tiredly. What a lovely first day.

over the next week, they did in fact acquaint themselves. You got to know everyone, especially because you lived in HQ. There was Misa, Aizawa, Chief Yagami, Matsuda, Mogi, and, of course...Light Yagami. You knew him well. Through L's retellings, anyway. Why did he tell you? Because you were dating. Plain and simple.

L hadn't told anyone on the team, for good reason...at least, it was probably good reason. Either that, or he didn't tell because no one asked. He was like that, only speaking as he pleased. It amused you, it was something that drew you to him.

Even so, they noticed when he gave you special treatment. Once, during a presumed all-nighter for the detectives, you stood from your seat next to L, Stretching and yawning.

"I'm going to head to bed." It was only 10, far earlier than any of the others dared ask to go, not wanting to seem like slackers. L looked up at you questioningly, tilting his head. "You never go to bed this early."

You shrug. "I'm tired, and if I'm too tired tomorrow, I won't be able to work as efficiently."

L sighed, looking back to his computer. "I won't stop you," he said indifferently.

You smile and thank him, standing and making your way to bed. Everyone else was flabbergasted. Matsuda stood from his desk, leaning on it with his hands as he stared at the back of L's head. "Why does she get to leave early? If any of us asked to go at a time like this, No way you'd let us!"

"Have you asked," L responded, gently spinning his chair around to face him.

"well I-...no..."

L gave him an expectant look, scratching the top of his foot with his toes.

"...can I go to bed?" everyone was watching with intrigue. Was that really all it took???

"...no."

Matsuda looked shocked. Everyone else simply went back to work, the already dingy mood dampened even further.

"It's cause she's pretty, isn't it?"

L looked up in thought, his thumb rubbing at his lips.

"Mmnnn....I suppose it is," he mused.

All matsuda could do was sit down in disbelief. "can you believe this," he asked Aizawa in a whisper. "Of course I can. That's L for you."

As another piece of evidence, he simply likes you more. He lets you talk and talk all day long about anything on your mind, when you go on food runs he actually asks you for things (He never asks the other detectives, no matter where they're going), and he shares any of his treats with you.

"I recall you saying you enjoy strawberry flavoring. Is that still accurate?" he's already cut you a sizable slice of strawberry cake, so your answer doesn't matter.

"have you ever had carambola? It's not very remarkable on it's own." Because of him, your first and only experiences with the fruit are in tanghulu form.

Anything he eats, you at minimum try.

Lastly, and most importantly, he shamelessly stares at your body. It is unbearably obvious that you distract him sometimes, when you're talking like nothing and he's watching the subtle movement of your tits, caused by your excessive gesticulations, his thumb tracing his lower lip in thought as he analyzes the exact weight they must have to move in such a way. Many of the others assume L is simply a creep, a creepy weirdo staring at the new pretty woman in HQ.

Light knows better. He knows, he can see it, there is more. It's not just lust, L is better than that, more complex. Either this is some way to trick Light, or he's doing this to benefit himself and this case in some way. There is more, and he will find out what it is.

Of course, you know better than all of them. There is more, the more is that you are together, and beyond that, there is nothing. He just finds your chest rather captivating. You can't blame him. The end.

Long story short, everyone knows he has a bias towards you, for one reason or another, and he doesn't do much to hide it. There were so many theories spread between them, and as a surprise to no one, it was filtered through misa. She knew best about this social stuff, after all.

"Do you see the way she smiles at him? They have to be dating," Matsuda whispers.

"What? No way, Girls smile at guys for more reasons than being with them," Misa scoffs.

"What if this is a test? Maybe he's testing us," Mogi puts forward.

"On what," Misa asks incredulously.

"I don't know, I'm not the genius...What do you think, Light? You're the closest to him."

"Me...? I don't know, why don't you just ask him."

ask him? To his face? No.

"Fine," Misa nods, standing from the mini huddle. Everyone watched with disbelief as she faced the two of you, working side-by-side before the CCTV footage. She pointed an accusatory finger at the two of you, her voice and expression full of pride, like she cracked some code. "Are you two dating?!"

You look at L. He doesn't look at you.

"Yes," he responds calmly.

"What? Why would you bring her here then? Don't you think Light is kira? Aren't you putting her in danger," Aizawa asks.

"You 6 are the only ones that know...excluding Watari. If She dies, please assume Light Yagami is the culprit."

Silence.

"Now, return to work," he orders, strain and annoyance in his voice from the situation. "I truly hate gossip," he grumbled to you.

taglist: @cheekyweekymouse

[cambrioleur]

In the interest of making this blog a bit more intelligent and less of a collection of dumb memes, here's an actual "hot take" that I have...

Ben is likable but he's also jaw-droppingly underdeveloped in the official canon of the show. Basically he's what TV Tropes terms a Satellite Character, in that he's almost always shown in the context of his interactions with other characters, with these scenes being from their viewpoint and not his. He never gets a real arc or storyline of his own: Claire and Guédira are consistently the central POV figures of the assorted B and C plots, while Ben appears in the A plots but in an exclusively supporting role.

The show actually DOES have opportunities to expand on his character a bit more but for whatever reason it never takes advantage of them. You'd think that Ben getting sold out by Assane and tossed in prison would have been a perfect candidate for this, but he appears in like three scenes in the last few episodes of Part 3, with these once again being mainly from the perspectives of Guédira, Claire, and Assane (not to mention that the audience still doesn't know exactly how he sustained all those injuries).

An additional issue is that so far, Ben hasn't had any meaningful conflict in his relationship with Assane, which seems unrealistic given what an utter mess Assane is a lot of the time. Claire has the obvious conflict of desperately wanting to believe in Assane but being let down by him over and over again, and also having to deal with how his antics are negatively affecting their son. Guédira is an Assane Diop stan while also being a police officer who's supposed to be trying to jail him, which is a comedic conflict but it's a conflict nonetheless. We never get any of that with Assane and Ben; their friendship is fun but it's weirdly smooth-sailing. We don't know if they can survive the kind of turmoil that arises between Assane and Claire on a regular basis, because up until Ben gets thrown to the wolves at the gala, he's never been on the receiving end of Assane's dishonesty and erratic behavior. (This is why I actually think that the betrayal was a good narrative choice.)

So Ben's characterization is that he's the technically-competent friend who's also a loyal, solid dude...and that's it. We don't really know who he is in the same way that we know who Assane, Claire, and Guédira are. And the result is that the fans can project pretty much whatever they want onto him. If they want to say he's in love with Assane, fine, because there's nothing canonical that obviously confirms or refutes it. (In contrast I think it's fair to say that any notion of Assane reciprocating these potential affections is 100% fanon; the showrunners clearly view him as someone who can charm anyone he wants to while also being completely heterosexual, although one could argue that they're attempting to have their cake and eat it too.) The same is true if they want to say that Ben is in love with Claire, which is a theory that I've seen crop up a few times. My own opinion is that he's probably aroace or something along those lines, but at the same time I find the interpretation that he loves Assane to be plausible enough, although I have absolutely no emotional investment in it.

Anyway, bottom line...Ben's character should be developed more. Also I personally think he should turn on Assane. But that's just me.

[terras-domain]

Sweat and Savory (y/n x Ryujin)

  Y\n has always been one of those gym rats that finds the gym a better home than their own houses. Working out is like a drug to him, but there’s always more than one reason he frequents this one gym that adds like preworkout to his energy to come here for more. “Here she comes, right on time~” Y/n smirked as he checks the clock on the wall then the gym door opening, his target was already here, at 2pm, like she always does. She was already in her sweatpants and dark crop top, probably trying to blend in and not be too obvious, but Y/n’s eyes are sharp enough to know she’s no ordinary woman to look away. Ever since the first time he stepped foot into this gym, the only thing he liked about the place is the short-haired brunette beauty that frequents the place. Her thick thighs jiggling as she walks on the treadmill, her plump ass lowering every time she does squat never fails to make Y/n hard. He always wanted to approach her but never got the chance. So, if there’s any, this is it.

  Target acquired, on the treadmill, as she always does. Y/n could basically read her mind and know her exact first two favourite sets, the treadmill and then squats. “Hey there! Doing the usual huh, Yui was it?” Y/n opened the conversation, initiating his plan. “Yui? It’s Ryujin actually. And yeah, this is my usual set, how’d you know?” Ryujin lifts an eyebrow, clearly slightly confused, how does a stranger know her usual routine in the gym? “Oh. I just come here a lot and saw you did the same shit every time. Wild guess” Y/n shrugged it off as his eyes scanned up and down. Wow. That was all his mind could process. It’s his first time getting this close to Ryujin and god she’s more attractive up close. The bare face, the slight dents on her biceps as proof of her gains, and most importantly, the tight sweatpants hugging her thick legs, begging to be set free from how tight it looks. Y/n took the opportunity and joined Ryujin on the treadmill next to her. The fact it’s only the two of them just are there made it more of an opportunity for Y/n to bag such a baddie. “I’m Y/n by the way.” He introduced himself, jogging on a slower pace so he’s a bit behind Ryujin, giving him a view of the treasure he’s after, the juicy bottom he’s been eyeing for months. It also can’t be brushed from Y/n’s mind that Ryujin’s sweating body really turned him on, adding to the already erotic thoughts in Y/n’s mind.

 After quite some running, they both decided to call it quits and move on to the squats. “Hey Y/n, you look pretty big. Why not give it a try?” she pointed at the barbell that she uses for squats. “Really? This? Piece of cake” Y/n smirked, even adding some extra plates on the barbell to make it a challenge, one where Ryujin never lifted. Y/n cleared his mind, trying to get rid of the enlarging boner beneath his crotch, begging to pierce through from the sight of Ryujin.  He focused himself as he placed the barbell behind his neck, each hand holding the ends of the metallic bar as he starts moving up and down, squatting with the barbell adding weight to him with ease. Ryujin tried helping as a spot, but it was clear that he didn’t need it. Before she knew it 1,2,3,4, all the way to 10 reps were done without fail. “Your turn.” Y/n smirks as he slams the weights to the floor, the weight plates clanging against each other as they hit the floor. Ryujin took her time to clear her mind, the pressure reaching her as a man that strong is watching her squat weights she’s never done before. Clank. The weights are on her shoulders as she lowers herself. “C-can you spot me?” Ryujin asked as her legs shivered as she gets up to finish rep 1, but for Y/n this was just all his plan falling one by one like dominos. Y/n put his body close to Ryujin’s behind, feeling her soft yet slightly muscular bit by bit.

  Ryujin started lifting the weights on her shoulders for the second rep, but with Y/n holding her hips as support. Ngghhh this feels so weird, she thought as she did the next few reps. Rep number 5, as Ryujin started lifting herself up and forcing her legs to work, Y/n took the opportunity, his face inching closer to Ryujin’s body, sniffing her sweating scent, alarming Ryujin which made her let go of the heavy weights which Y/n managed to hold it so they don’t just fall and break their feet. Ryujin was winding down, her lips gaping as she begs for air from being tired, but this just makes Y/n more excited to take advantage of the poor brunette. “Getting tired huh?” he smiled sinisterly as he easily picked up his workout buddy and pinned her against the wall. The lack of air that Ryujin is experiencing adds up as Y/n occupies her mouth, his tongue invading her mouth which blocks Ryujin’s ability to scream and shout, not that she had the energy to. “You have no idea how long I wanted you, Ryujin.” Y/n gave a smile of victory, finally he got the taste of the sexy woman he eyed since the day one in the gym. His hands groped her soft plumpy ass as Ryujin could only move left and right, struggling but the heat of the gym and erotic scent of the sweat from both bodies fusing just overwhelm her, as if a sharp needle is piercing through her mind to force her submission.

  “Oh my god….Y/n…” Ryujin’s voice soft breathy voice turns into gentle moans as her arms wrapped around Y/n’s body. To Y/n this is as good as mission accomplished, the having the baddie of her dreams wrapped all over him as he freely gropes and feels her slightly damp body, covered by sweat and heavy breathing. All was going according to plan until Y/n could hear footsteps getting close to the gym. “Oh shit!” he exclaimed as he dropped the barely languid Ryujin to the floor before leading her to the locker room and locking the door behind them. “Alright Ryujin, I’ve been waiting too long for this.” He paused as he dropped his shorts down, revealing his musky erection from all that work out and staring at Ryujin’s bottoms. “haaaa…Y/n” Ryujin was already in entrance as the scent empties her mind, only thing left is lust and Y/n already gave her a solution to that problem in front of her own two beautiful eyes. It didn’t take long before Ryujin’s soft lips enveloped Y/n’s cock, sucking his member as she moaned out her uncontrollable lust away. “That’s it~ good girl” Y/n rested his hand on Ryujin’s scalp, pulling her hair to the back so she there won’t be any disturbance. Ryujin invited his cock into her cavity, feeling her mouth wrapping him tight made Y/n crave for more. “Fuuuuck Ryujin you gotta do more than that, I waited so long for this moment.” He held her face as Y/n started thrusting inside her mouth, Y/n’s tip forcing into her throat. Her mouth started gagging and saliva started running down her chin from taking the large musky cock in her throat. “Be quiet. You don’t want us caught do you?” Y/n gave a chuckling threat before letting her go for a breather. “Fuck you” Ryujin replied breathily, she could’ve passed out from the lack of oxygen; she literally was lifting weights before getting throat fucked after all. Y/n only gave a smirk as he yanked her hair, so Ryujin is facing him. “No Ryujin. I’ll be fucking you.”

 Ryujin was placed against the locker room’s door, her hands holding on the doorknob while Y/n stood behind her. As Y/n took a few second to enjoy her juicy legs covered by her tight sweatpants, he tore a hole that reveals her bare pussy and asshole, clearly, she came here with no panties. “HEY! You could’ve just pulled them down Y/n” she said, raising her voice before covering her mouth, remembering there’s people outside working out and she can be caught at any second. “Shut up, slut. Daddy needs to claim his prize.” And with that a hard deep thrust was made, Y/n penetrating Ryujin’s hole, but not the usual one people would go for. Y/n was aiming at the brunette’s tight pinkish butthole, penetrating it after so long. “Fuuuck I’ve been waiting for so long.” Y/n grunted as he thrusted in and out of Ryujin’s wrong hole, the sweat on each other’s body made the smacking sounds whenever their skins touch more erotic and lewder. Ryujin covered her mouth, trying so hard to make sure she doesn’t alarm anyone but Y/n’s increasing thrust pace made her slip up and let out a few loud moans. “aah~ ooh~ Y/n…slow down pleaseee” she pleaded, which only fed Y/n’s lust to goo faster as she pulled her towards him, his face positioning to Ryujin’s back to get a good sniff of her sweaty body while one hand covers Ryujin’s mouth, making sure she doesn’t cause any commotion. Y/n kept his face paced pounding short, making sure his cock gets enough pleasure from her insides. “Nghhh ahh~ you’re so fucking tight Ryujin” his hips kept buckling, moving back and forth inside Ryujin’s tight hole. To Y/n, that was heaven, the strong scent of sweat with the heat from their bodies to the tightness that Ryujin’s ass gripped him, it was a dream come true he couldn’t hold it any longer. Ryujin’s moans under his hands were icing to the cake as he let her go, holding her hips as he started pounding as fast as he could.

  “God y/n I’m so close!” At this rate Ryujin could’nt hold herself too. A cock as big as Y/n’s couldn’t make her wait any longer, she needs to cum. She begged for Y/n to pull out in which Y/n replied with a nod. His thrusts went harder and made a loud clapping sound that couldn’t be ignored by the people in the gym that heard it, Ryujin moaning as the locker room was filled with erotic moans from the both of them. “Fuuuck I’m gonna cum” Ryujin moaned out, nearly screaming it but luckily Y/n managed to cover her mouth. Ryujin screamed under his hands as she reached her climax, her eyes crossed and barely opening from the pleasure, her legs shivering from the ecstasy of sex running through her mind. Y/n managed to hold it a second later as he pulled out and came on Ryujin’s torn sweatpants, covering her with his thick white semen. Y/n took a moment to stroke his member, letting out the excess cum from his cock while panting. “Your job ain’t done yet slut.” Y/n whispered into Ryujin’s ear, she could her him taking a deep sniff of her before Y/n forced her back on her knees, where Ryujin obediently opened wide to clean his dick, with a leftover taste of her ass since he just fucked her anal just now. “This isn’t the last time we’re doing this, okay? Come back again next week so I can use you as my new work out regime.” Y/n added, demanding the short haired girl he brushed her hair gently. Ryujin took a while to respond, her mouth fixated to his cock to clean it properly. When she did respond, the only words that came out were: Yes daddy.

(1958 words)

Blaze

0 notes

[thevoidofnothingness]

if this is our first kiss, why are your lips so familiar?

“Hey, have you talked to Fionna recently?”

Marshall stopped strumming his guitar and looked up at Gary, who until 2 seconds ago, was quietly baking his heavenly baked goods (at the request of Marshall).

“Not really. Like I said, she always comes and goes whenever she wants. Especially after she gets fired. Which happens like, a lot.” Yet Gary didn’t look convinced. “Why, when was the last time you spoke with her?”

“Spoke? Probably that night she was a corpse walking while looking for Cake and I made her an iced coffee. She yelled something about too much ice and then poof, gone. I was worried back then too, but knew I was supposed to see her the next day anyways and let it go.” Gary made another face. “Actually, the last time I communicated at all with her at all was the day I met you and she texted me that she was fine.”

“Huh, that was a good day. Got a new vinyl and got to taste more of your stuff. Baked, I mean.” The pink tint that covered Gary’s cheeks did not go unnoticed by Marshall. 

He’s been doing that a lot in the last week that they’ve been hanging out. Saying things in a way that he knew would cause Gary to fluster in some way, trying to get his face to match his hair. After Fionna’s disappearing act, their main friend left a hole in their normal routine that needed filling and they did that for each other.

“Yeah, good day all around besides my investors hating me and everything I’ve ever worked for.” Marshall winced at the mention of that particular part of their day.

“And while you won’t let me take blame even though it was all my fault, I’m still sorry about that.” And that was the other thing. Gary had been down since the Lemoncarb twins shot down his idea for his bakery. Marshall took full blame for that incident, even after Gary tried to make him feel better about bringing them in.

And there lies the issue. Gary Prince. It was like there was some string that would tighten every time Gary made him feel something . Whether it was annoyance, amusement, or some third thing he tried to avoid thinking about, the pull Marshall felt towards the other man was clear. It felt comforting. It felt familiar. And the familiar feeling is what confused Marshall. After all, before that day in Fionna’s apartment, he had never even spoken to the man. He lived a life free of any Gary Princes. And now, as forward and naive as it sounded, Marshall felt like he couldn’t live his life without him.

Gary came up to him and grabbed his face between his hands. “Hey, I told you it was okay! You were just trying to do what you thought would help me. I can see and appreciate the kind intent even without proper results.” Marshall froze, being hyper aware of the fact that their faces were very close together, their noses inches apart. “You’d do that for anyone.”

And Marshall couldn’t help himself. “No, I wouldn’t.” He couldn’t lie to Gary right now. He felt an overwhelming need to express just how far he had gone for Gary. “I wouldn’t call in a favor with my mother for just anyone.” He had to let him know that he wasn’t just anyone. Gary Prince was special.

“You called your mom for me?” While he’s mentioned his strained relationship with his mother, he hadn’t disclosed exactly when the last time he spoke to her was.

“Yeah, I asked if she could send the Lemoncarb twins to this bakery because the next great thing was happening right under her nose and if she didn’t scoop you up, she’d regret it for the rest of his life.” Gary’s eyes widened at the end. He searched Marshall’s face for any lies before determining the obvious. There was no reason for Marshall to lie to him.

“You mean that?” Before Marshall could answer, Gary was pulling him forward until their lips met. It was a sweet and brief kiss. One that, unfortunately, would become the only kiss shared between Marshall Lee and Gary Prince. 

Yet that isn’t the end of the story. Because in another universe, unknown to the couple, a mission was completed that allowed magic back into the universe of the adventurer Fionna and her feline companion Cake.

And due to the rebirth of Ooo, the return of all of its citizens' former lives and memories is possible. 

And now there stood two people. Two people that had met before even the birth of Fionna. Two people whose lives had been intertwined with one another for decades, attempting to leave but being pulled toward one another every single time. A pull that transcended anything the universe could throw at them, even when the universe was rewritten. A fact that they both seem to realize that brought a smile to their faces. So instead of a Marshall Lee and a Gary Prince who have just kissed for the first time, you have Marshall Lee, the vampire king, and Prince Gumball, the ruler of the Candy Kingdom, kissing for their hundredth, thousandth, maybe millionth time, and feeling the same sparks as if it was their first.

[aromanticgarbage]

h3h3 said that joji ghosted him after he got famous, ian says they don't talk anymore too. I wonder if max was the only one he was really close with or maybe they just recently reconnected.

Ok that's a tricky topic of conversation. Read more because as always i cannot shut up.

H3h3 and iddubz don't really mean anything to me outside of their old filthy frank collabs. I actually actively dislike them. Yeah you read that right. Thats why ive tried to make the fact that i am NOT running a cancer crew blog here clear. I just hate iddubz's old solo content. Seeing him beat himself up online nowadays isn't great either but by god his old stuff is so so bad (to me). Internet drama and borderline hate speech is a recipe for disaster and if he was smarter he would have seen this coming. I understand that some people like his older stuff out of nostalgia but i am not affected by this. I was not into YouTube back then. Im still not into YouTube. I only know of him and h3h3 because im obsessed with their old homie. My perspective is different, these people barely mean anything to me.

Ok now, disclaimers aside. Ethan said that joji told him not to call him filthy frank when he was talking about his music and he personally interpreted that as him being embarrassed of his past. Personally its just clear to me that what joji was asking for when he was taking his first steps as a full time music artist was space. Being known as an ex youtuber can kill someones career and considering the sort of content he was making as ff it just doesn't seem weird to me that he wanted to separate the two lol. He gave countless interviews where he mentioned his old content and that he understood why people found it so hard to move on from such an iconic character but that he didn't like conflating the two. And even then, a few years later he was encouraging fans at his concerts to chant filthy frank so i cant help but feel like Ethan's assumption that he is embarrassed and trying to forget it ever happened is baseless and biased. And after that....well. Its pretty clear to me that h3h3 used to be enjoyed by people but its had a pretty obvious dowfall since then. Idc about Ethan's drama (or the man himself for that matter) but to be completely honest i wouldn't keep in contact with him either. Idk if you are one of those people who still enjoy his podcast but to me and to many others it just seems bad. Real bad. A lot of drama and too little substance.

Now Ian...Ian is definitely less clear to me as an outside observer. I may not like ~the old iddubz~ but joji obviously didn't have a problem with him. They always seemed to get along pretty well on all the behind the scenes and going through the cake trilogy together probably means that they developed something similar to a warriors bond. He was fun on their collabs. But alas, sometimes people who used to be close just stop keeping in touch. A lot of Joji's old college friends (pookie/david, the shaman/lewys, wheelz/tyrell) are no longer in contact with him and yet they all speak of him very highly. People online like to act like he somehow ""betrays his roots"" by not keeping up with people he collaborated with on youtube back in the day but youtube isn't his roots lmao. His high school and middle school japan friends have always clearly been very important to him and he never fell out off touch with them. He is often touring alongside Rei Brown and he has mentioned in interviews that he relies on these friendships on his day to day life (admittedly the interview im talking about was from 2018 but there's no reason to assume that he has suddenly stopped talking to people that he has been friends with since he was like 12 years old). At the end of the day he doesn't owe people online to keep in contact with anyone. People grow up and change and not all relationships survive the test of time. And thats okay. Stuff happens, people move on. For what its worth tho, i feel like iddubz's drama driven channel (because lets be fair the content cops were his biggest thing and they were youtube drama no matter how self righteous or fair they seemed at the time) didn't help. The thing about joji is that he had always avoided internet drama like it was the plague, which is once again one of those things that i appreciate deeply about him. I hate internet drama. But even my kinda biased opinion aside, the reality of the situation is probably very simple. They are both grown adults who live very different lives. They hanged out together during a few summers a lot of years ago. They followed different paths in life. It happens. Joji has been very offline for years now and i get the impression that he tends to isolate himself when his health acts up so its probably not that hard to fall out of touch with him.

And last but not least....Max. I won't lie, out of the cancer crew the only other person i actually like besides my man Joji is Max. Maybe he really was closer with Max, i certainly find him more likable. Around 2018 both Joji on twitter and Max on that one cold ones podcast episode said that they still keep in touch. Max was replying to a lot of Joji's tweets up untill the nectar era but once again, at the end of the day they live in different countries. I obviously have no way of knowing if they were still as close as they used to in the following years. Maybe they grew more distant for a while, maybe they reconnected around 2023 when joji took chad and max backstage at his concert, and then of course the wedding !! Its all very sweet, the gimme love Max and Chad video from the concert lowkey made me tear up.

But once again, at the end of the day they are all living their own lives, doing their own thing. And people who act like they owe it to them to be each others everything forever and ever because they met online a decade ago and collaborated on some extremely iconic videos make me laugh.

[nerdyunicorns101]

Alright y'all wanted my thoughts on the TGAMM finale and I've finally composed myself to say something about it so here I go

(Obvious spoilers ahead)

Before you ask, I'll give a short opinion on Jinx vs. The Human World: it was alright. I think they did pretty well considering the show got booted from a Season 3 and they had to wrap up a lot of the major plot stuff in Season 2 pretty quickly. It's definitely not the best episode of the series, and I prefer Molly vs. more, but it's grown on me. And also Back to Misery slaps.

But now let's talk about The End, the reason you're probably reading this.

I have a lot of confusing feelings about The End. I don't necessary think it was a bad episode per say, but I'm not sure I think it was the best finale for the show either.

I was never really for the theory of Scratch being Todd's wraith to begin with, and it just never reallh appealed to me, but The End really turned me over to it. They played it out very well and I'm glad they nailed that part. I don't think it was necessarily the best direction they could've gone in (I would've liked for Scratch to, yknow, actually be dead lol), but considering that was the route they wanted to go down, they absolutely killed it and I'm glad they did.

One thing I'm not as happy about though is the actual ending. For a show built around friendship, why destroy the main friendship the show was built around? I don't get it. The show's whole basis is unlikely friends battle their struggles together, so why on earth would you want to ditch that basis at the last second? There are shows out there (ex. Amphibia) who have stories that end up going in the direction where the main duo has to say their goodbyes, which is fine, but TGAMM was not one of those shows, and I'm lowkey upset that's what they resorted to. The theme song even talks about how they're gonna be best friends for all eternity. It defeats the whole purpose of what the show was supposed to be, and it pisses me off. It felt way too weird and out of place that they did that. I'm not a fan. At all.

Everything else was great though. Maybe Next Time makes me cry every time I listen to it, and I'm probably never gonna eat a funnel cake in the same way again.

If you have a different opinion than me, that's totally fine, I don't really care, and I don't want to start drama. Agree to disagree, whatever. I just needed to get this out there so yall can stop sending me a million asks about it lol

[miiilowo]

I love asking questions heck yeah

How fucked are your William's joints? I feel like this is something you may have mentioned before? But I'm asking anyway bc good lord the springlock scars design in the tse graphic novel are so very prominent on th e joints

Ooh actually do you any thoughts on how getting springlocked affected William in general? Physically or mentally? And mayhaps how being springtrapped affected him too?

Ooh what are his feelings on Springbonnie

Ahh this afton focused is it? Sorry I just love the springlock suits in general . Hmm. Any reasons he may like the color purple, or be associated with it? Do you imagine his car actually is purple like the minigames? How is William's driving?

i lovw you <- youre asking me specific questions about stuff id never think about on my own

BONES !!!!!!! i have not thought about this before, somehow. ive thought about michael, but not william. i guess he would be pretty fucked up in the pain department, honestly. while the scars appear to just be skin-deep, whose to say it didnt hurt like a bitch when you have them Clamping Down On Your Fucking Joints? like, i briefly-and i mean BRIEFLY- dislocated my knee and it snapped back into place on its own, and it's still a lot more sensitive and weaker than the other one, so i have no trouble believing that he'd have physical pain like that. doesn't help that he is also an old man, and people generally hurt more as they get older

As for how it affected him mentally, I cant really be sure. Since i dont have like, a detailed description of what happened and how, its hard for me to try and put myself in his shoes and extrapolate from there. He clearly isnt too bothered by it, considering how much he adores the suits (and especially the spring bonnie one. for obvious reasons. which we can also assume probably springlocked him initially)

post-springtrap though? im conflicted. i know in the novels he makes a point of saying that he likes being springtrap, and hes fucked up enough to view him as a character-a role that he wants to play, a comical over the top villain. and while i do love that for him, really, theres something about how hes presented in fnaf 3; that quiet, barely audible groaning as he moves around the building, the relentless approach thats only stunted by the suit forcibly moving him toward sound due to its programming...................................ouuugggghhrghh. look. im a fucking sucker for horror, and i love how horrific fnaf 3 is when you get to thinking about it, so im biased toward it. we can use the novel springtrap as a fun way to learn about his personality, and how it plays into how hes cartoonish bastard, but i generally prefer the idea that it fucking sucks to be stuck in that suit. like, getting springlocked is bad enough, but the fact his chance to enact revenge was stunted by the suit moving his half-intact body around, probably causing immense pain? that shit fucks. really into that

as far as his opinions on spring bonnie....i dunno. hed like him. hes his character, after all, his.....literal fursona, in some ways. i dont think its a coincidence that he chose a spring bonnie related form to represent his digital consciousness, nor is it a coincidence that he repeatedly chose spring bonnie to be his physical form (see glitchtrap & burntrap; different bodies from springtrap, yet still spring bonnie. he did not have to do that. but he did)

The purple thing is also related to this last one. Its the accent color he used on spring bonnie (see glitchtraps vest & springbonnies bowtie), so he was probably rather fond of it. hes almost equally represented by yellow, so i think thats a top contender for favorite color too, but purple takes the cake. his car is a 1970 plum colored doge challenger with black accents To Me. i havent really thought about his driving. id imagine it fine, hed probably actually be good at it after getting used to driving 3 children around in it and having to focus on the road and them at the same time

[popculturebuffet]

Sam and Max Beyond Time and Space Retrospective: Night of the Raving Dead

Happy halloween all you happy freelance police. I"m jake and my Sam and Max Beyond Time and Space retrospective continues as Sam and Max fight a guy who sucks just in time for spooky season.

Chapter 3 gives us a fun spooky good time as we have zombies, frankenstines and vampires as our dynamic duo have to beat a club hopping german vampire before his army of the undead conquer the world. So a normal tuesday really. Can our heroes save the world.. again? Will we have to see a lot of pierced vampire nipples? Is Lincoln still the worst Short answer, of course, just look at the article image, and i'm still in cringing agony so.. can confirm. Long answer is under the cut!

Night of the Raving Dead begins In Media Res and milks it for all it's worth: Sam and Max are in a soul sucking machine, at the mercy of Jurgen, a european vampire who never wears a shirt but does gladly show off his pierced nipples. Still better than bebops. Firm 6/10.

At any rate pierced nips aren't the issue as the threat here is your old fashioned spike wall style trap I know just the man for the job but sadly he's was a bit busy with his own spiked wall issues

So instead we flash back to the start of this tale.

And to my delight our heroes continue to pile up junk in their office. Sam has now added a holy urn and is still high priest seperation of chruch and state kneels before god emperor priest president Max!

Our heroes have a bit of infestation though in their office there's something all too familiar

These are not greasy teen zombies or greasy gnomes or even the dreaded Crombie, but European Zombies! So it's up to us to talk to everyone and find out why. In an intresting reversal this time it's Bosco whose closed, while Sybil's reopened her place, because we psychologically tortured him into disappearing.

Sybil meanwhile is looking for love in all the wrong places as after her relationship with Abe Ended she's restarted her dating service.. but just for her. After the obvious sex work joke because this is the 2000's, Sybil is basically screening dates... and is currnetly screening a moleman.

But after he failed we're left with Harry Moleman. Whose back for some reason. Gotta reuse those models I guess. He has aboslutely no shot and Sybil is being just polite. He also has a choclate heart we'll need later and a fear of zombie's we'll exploit later

Moving over to Stinky's her latest special is a gooey cake/chekov's gun, while her latest item we can grab is a sunlamp bulb since even she has no idea why it's there, but the plot does. The plot sees all.

Anyway abe's also there.. .and still the worst as he blames Sybil for the breakup, is stalking her and won't shut up

Yeah I liked Abe at first.. but in a record TWO episodes he's gone from endearing into the hall

It's a shame too as I really DID like abe in season one and the first episode of this but this gag, ESPECIALLY wiith how the sybil plot concludes, really dosen't work.

Thankfully we move on to our boys the C.O.P.S. who have decided to captalize on this to sell internet to zombies, via online trial discs. For those too young to know what those are

For now though we can't get any of those future coasters, but we do found out poor bluster has some brain damage which was also funnier at the time. We do find out the source of the ZOmbies: the zombie factory in Stuttgard, Germany. And to my shock Stuttgart is a real place. I would've asked my german friend , but she needs sleep and isn't awake till midnight like moi.... am I a vampire? ... no. No I love garlic bread too much to make that sacrifice. Then again It'd also make it easier to meet Matt Berry.. dammit this is a dillema.

While I mull this over we move on to Stuttgard. I didn't ask said friend, @galaxysupernaturalstuff because again, asleep.. and because I forgot earlier. Though I probably DON'T need an actual german to tell me "yeah Stuttgart isn't a small villiage with a giant castle in the middle of it. "They thankfully don't do too many german stereotypes about the country as a whole, the only gags they do being the fairly innocent beerstein and the fact Midtown Cowboys is big there. It's done more in a tounge in cheek way than anything genuinely offensive.

Turns out the Zombie Factory is both your standard spooky hammer horror style monster castle.. and a club, and to get in we need to get past the bouncer, good old superball.

Yeah like the Bosco scremaing thing this is a runner nad a truly great one. Also unlike that one it's both nonseical and you can't get punched for it. He's working for Jurgen, our big bad, because his doors are rich fine mahogany.. and he needs SOMETHING to do after the divorce. He was married. I'd.. genuinely forgot that.

To get past him we once again have to do something that's likely to get me sent to hell for playing this game: take a brain from a fresh corpse

Then we throw it to a gargoyle which suprisingly ISN'T alive, nor voiced by keith david despite it being night, allowing us to cut the line.

It's inside we get a ZOMBIE DISCO BITCHES. We meet our arc villian and the mastermind behind this half baked scheme, Jurgen. Jurgern.. is a deliglight: he's basically every 20 something trying to seem cool by clubing distilled into a vampire and given a german accent and nipple rings. And he is glorious. The fact his plan is just "Conquer teh world with zombies" jah helps. our heroes just try to go for the head.. but Jurgen can teleport so we need to take the source of his powers: his...

And it's fun too as each one is simply hitting him with his vampire weakensses.. and the how, as usual is fun and redicuous. That being said actually solving these puzzles.. is a lot. I ended up hitting a dead end: I figured given the tropes at play that the key was to trigger some type of hidden entrance to get up to the balcony to replace the bulbs in the spotlight with the sunlamp. And it is.. btu the how is INCREDIBLY overcomplicated. While the writing couldn't be stronger this chapter and where your supposed to go MOSTLY straight foward, the actual puzzles are often overcomplicated. The ones in the Zombie Factory itself rely HEAVILY on a dj soundboard , which you have to put the right words from one of jurgen's poems into, without it being clear which words in the poem are a clue. Also solving the spotlight DOSEN'T fix the problem and you still have two other things to do to him, only one of which is pretty easy to figure out since after Jurgen mentions he's a huge midtown cowboys fangboy, a new area unlocked announcment shows up. As it did with the COPS when this castle unlocked. Both a great gag and a nice bit of gameplay magic to make this easier.

So yeah.. I used a guide for most of this. This is one of the trickier ones gameplay wise and if you don't adventure game often or have a lot of patience

It can be maddening. There's also another "pick a random dialouge option fo ra song" puzzle like last season, which just.. isn't fun. Picking various options is only funny if there's multiple jokes, like the cooking without looking segment from last game. Basically asking "PICK RANDOM DIALOUGE FOR US FEASANT" isn't fun it's just keeping me from having fun with the part of the game I actually like.

So with that we an shine a little sunlight on Jurgen's life, causing him to freak out and loose a little respect of his fanbase. Like any influencer in embyro, just one stab to his rep isn't going to do it but it's a start. Next it's time to return to Midtown Cowboys! Their probably hiding a cow. Midtown Cowboys have been saved from cancelation baby! See back then Networks actually.. payed attention to things like audience numbers or dvd and digital sales instead of guarding the numbers like a cave troll so they can cancel whatever they want whenever they want. Gee I wonder why the actor's strike has taken 105 days with that kind of job security.

As it turns out Midtown Cowboys is HUGE in germany, with WARP having converted to just shooting Midtown Cowboys and spinoffs. Hey at least they beat Disney+ to the punch with that model. Turns out the statoin lady's been TRYING to get our heroes back in they've just been busy and such.. and max also deleted her messages because he be like that.

We also reunite with my boy Mr. Featherly, who legally changed his name from Philo Pennyworth. While he DID go back to theater even he can't resist the siren call of "buy your own private island fortress" money. Max naturally signed away those rights without thinking. They lost 4 executives that day..so you know it's not all bad.

We can still use the broadcast to our advntage though, stashing some garlic cigarettes from outside the castle in Featherly's bag as a prop. What follows.. is comedy gold. While we sadly don't get a cookin without lookin sequel, I wanted to use baboon hearts, what we do get is just as funny as we get a very special episode, the kind sitcoms used to do to tackle the heavy issues instead of just weaving them in if it fits the tone.

The cowboys hold an interviention for mr. featherly, who finds out they were indeed hiding a cow but he has his own cow.. a smoking addiction. Even Bessie is disapointed. It then quickly turns into an add for smoking and why it's totally rad and you should all do it as their sponsor.. is garlic clove cigarettes. It's so fucked and I love it. IT's a simple idea i'm genuinely suprised I haven't seen elsewhere and genius.

So with that we just have one last thing to destroy this man's career: we need a man of the faith to bless some water bottles we got at the club. But since Shelby isn't around, we'll have to make do with max, dunking the water bottles in his sacred urn while he gives us the sacred rites

The problem is as seen with the cigs, while Jurgen is many things, a hipster, a scene kid, a goth, a tool, a vampire, a mild german sterotype, a dracula, an emo, a direct to video sequel to Dracula 2000, a nipple piercing sorta guy, european, german, big dicked, bad at poetry, a plagarist, a mad scientest, an outer god... he is not dumb enough to let people carry in his weaknesses. Dumb enough to keep some of them in his private lab as we'll see, but still not dumb enough to let vampire hunters right in.

So to get it past we have to have max drink the holy water. You'd think this would mean max would get set on fire, another vampire weakness but it just give shim a halo. I guess his own religion can't cast him into the firey depths.

It's a once again limited time thing.. though I don't get WHY in this case. I get having it wear off to show it has to be used IN the castle.. but why does it wear off on the dance floor.

Anyways to beat jurgen we have to out out emo him with lyrics about darkness, no parents, continued darkness, and of course

We DO basically win, but normally jurgen would copy us. I know because I did this puzzle before knowing the solution. He drinks max. Thankfully his drinking Holy Water makes him need to go potty. You know if I had a nickle for every time we had to defeat one of our foes by making him need to go to the bathroom i'd have three nickels.. which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened thrice.

So we follow Jurgen to his lair but given we've only done three puzzle's we're not done yet, two act structure and all as SAM AND MAX ENGAGE IN THE MOST THRILLING BATTLE OF THEIR CAREERS... bringing them to the trap.. which thanks to Sam being busy recapping, works and swallows our heroes souls. Jurgen goes.. somewhere, leaving us in his study. We find some useful junk, including a stake, and a monster.

This is Jurgen's Monster, who like his master I dearly love, a poetic beast whose mad you brought him to life as he's so lonely. Can relate dude, can, relate.

Helping him win a date with Sybil is our main quest from her eon out as she has a soul mater, a weird horrifying eldrich device she dosen't know how to use, so her finding her soul mate means we can have it. Which is good because Sam and Max's souls don't want to go back after how their bodies have misused them, waiting to go to the next life. To put a stop to our souls going to hell a few chapters early we need that soul mater.

What follows is a LOT of stuff since we don't have just 7 days to make jurgen a mannnnnnnnnnnn. We can't get him pink and quite clean but we CAN get him a brain via our old friend Flint Paper and the Zombie of Abe LIncon. Yeah turns out Abe was buried in Stuttgart and thus we meet the real abe whose loyal to his dead wife and actually likeable. Sadly he's brutalyl murdered because Flint Paper is on the warpath. He wants to kill us because "THey'd rather be dead than undead!" Sam and Max don't remember making him promise that and thus use another hidden passage to knock him out and get the brain.

Next we need a proper hand. Thankfully the zombie from the intro stole jessie james hand, which is now alive and holding up girl stinky. To get it we need to trick it and this puzzle is clever: the hand hops every time it shoots. So we simply have to make it get all the way to girl stinky, then put his attention her so it goes the other way.. straight into the goey cake. We got our HANNNDDD BACCCKKKK.

We now need to give him some heart. This one's a tad overcomplicated, even by this chapter's standards: first we need to play the cops game for this chapter, distrubing internet demo disks paperboy style. This game is tricky, but unlike the difficulty in this chapter, it's a fair kind once you figure it out. You have to move your car to be in the right position to hit the zombies with a disk. It's still hard, but it's the fun kind of hard

With that we have a big anetna we can bolt cutter off the car and use to power up Jurgen's alchemy machine.

To get our final body part though we need to play the dating game against featherly and harry moleman

Harry is just hopeless and Featherly is pretentious: LIncoln's brain is the only thing Sybil liked about him, and the hand has jurgen spell out I love sybil. Awwwwww. We just need a heart of gold as the ones we have are a clock and plants that make us into mr. van dresen. I mean .. you'd think playing a good rendention of lesbian segull would woo her but I guess it's not her thing.

No we need a heart. Luckily Harry takes his time answering a question and has a choclate heart, and even more luckily this time ruining his life dosen't feel bad as he's tried to murder us, sybil and really had ZERO chance before shouting at us.

With that we can be in it to win it, using the science and the alchemy to give us a gold heart and winning Sybils. Unfourtnatley the game then makes a pretty bleh error in judgment, as Sybil realizes she still wants abe and.. runs off to apologize to the bastard

Yeah this joke is all kinds of messed up. I get her going back IS the joke, that he's bad for her.. but it just comes off stupid, and mildly sexist as it feeds into the old "oh women like jerks" sterotypes instead of "abusive relationships happen". I mean it's a lot to ask sam and max to be realistic, so i'm fine with that but it's not a lot to ask them to actually be funny if their going to do something this annoying.

So on that sour note the climax. We get our souls back and fight jurgen, who has a plan.. of.. some sort. Anyways we can't stake him because we're too slow, so we toss the soul mater to jurgen's monster pull the lever kronk and swap bodies, using his to finally put this chapter to it's eternal rest... but not before flint comes in and tragically jurgen's monster dies.

I'm.. still not over it but i've been asured he returns somehow. And there's no time to punch flint for this as it turns out the reason he dived in guns a blazing to see us earlier is that he needs our help: bosco isn't just missing... he's NOWHERE ON EARTH

Night of the Raving dead is one of my faviorite chapters writing wise, with lots of clever jokes, an all timer villian and tons of my faviorite characters.. and abe. The abe stuff drags it down slightly, but everything else is so good this is easily my second faviorite chapter of the games thus far behind Save the World's The Mafia, the Mole and the Meatball.

It still suffers from some of this games overarching issues: the puzzles are more obtuse, the writing can be a bit mean spirited, and I don't have a third thing. Beyond Time and Space thus far isn't BAD, and has legs up on it's predecessor with gorgeous environments, but it still feels a bit of a step back from the previous one. It's got a bigger budget.. but it's just not as fun as the later chapters of save the world. It's not a bad game, the writing is as sharp as ever and most of your terrible actions are too over the top to not be funny, but it dosen't have quite the charm the first one did.

Next Time: I .. genuinely dont' know. The descrption for this one is more vauge. the only thing I know for sure is we'll finally meet THEM

Thanks for reading

[borom1r]

@theshakespearetrash SENT ME MORE ASKS ILYYYYYY TYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! this round is abt remake!John Ryder + my OC Kenneth >:3

(ask meme)

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

2– What was their first impression of each other?

Kenneth thought John was the hottest person he’d ever seen in his life. John thought Ken was a freak weirdo with issues (correct)

6– If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

Ken would’ve believed you. John would’ve scoffed

7– What would their lives be like if they had never met?

HM. Ken probably would’ve died in a car crash and/or some other insane snuff scenario. he was looking to get hurt when he picked up John.

John would’ve died a red smear on a New Mexico highway thanks to the butt of Grace’s shotgun.

GENERAL

2– Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

sort of???? Ken counts their first night together as their first date, since “date nights” generally involve murder or seedy motel room roleplays lmao.

so not. SUPER official, but Ken picked up John, got turned on when John threatened him with a knife which John really wasn’t expecting. Ken drove them both to a motel room + the rest is history!

3– What was their first kiss like?

VERY UN-ROMANTIC. John bit the shit out of Ken’s bottom lip. (un)fortunately for everyone involved, Ken found that extremely hot.

4– Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

uh yeah actually. mutually each other’s first Serious Committed Relationship. freak2freak communication.

5– What’s their height difference? Age difference?

Ken’s the same height as John (they r both 5’10) + John is 20 yrs older (48 to Ken’s 28)

6– What’s their relationship with each other’s families? Do they share a friend group?

NONEXISTENT + NONEXISTENT. They both cut ties w/ their family + Ken’s vibes are generally Strange and Offputting. has a couple work friends from the derby track. John has no friends.

7– Who takes the lead in social situations?

Positive social situations? Ken. Murders and/or fights? John

8– Who gets jealous easier?

JOHN. does not help that Ken likes to make him jealous

9– Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?

they mutually tease each other lol. this is bad if they’re in public bc it generally ends w/ some fucker getting killed on the side of a highway

LOVE

2– What are their primary love languages?

both touch, actually

3– Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

KEN lol

4– How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

PDA? rare to never. cuddling? John has accepted it as an inevitability that Ken is gonna wind up w/ his head in John’s lap At Some Point if they’re home watching TV/relaxing

5– Who initiates kisses?

casual kisses, Ken. John gets bitey if they’re fucking + Ken’s just along for the ride, there

6– Who’s the big and little spoon?

they don’t normally spoon bc John finds it stifling, but if he’s having a bad day then Ken will big spoon

7– What are their favorite things to do together?

murder ppl??? modify cars??? have sex near crime scenes??? plot their mutual demise??? idk man they’re terrible people

8– Who’s better at comforting the other?

Ken’s better at comforting John

9– Who’s more protective?

KEN. Ken as a rule does not murder people (he just likes watching), but if there’s a risk of John getting hurt? he’ll tear the fucking world apart. especially after hauling John’s battered, BRAIN-DAMAGED body off the highway. he MAKES John wear a seatbelt now lmao

10– Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Physical for both. John’s terrible at verbal affection anyways lol

11– What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

LMFAO. CRASH BY GWEN STEFANI /hj

real answer is How We Operate by Gomez for obvious reasons, + I also really like Satan is My Motor by CAKE for them

12– What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

they don’t. Ken might call John “babe” once in a blue fucking moon but that’s it. John calls Ken “freak”

13– Who remembers the little things?

Kennnnnn but John gets a pass he had a traumatic brain injury

DOMESTIC LIFE

6– Who worries the most?

KEN. he doesn’t express it well but he worries sooooo much abt John + them potentially being tracked down. constantly updating escape plans

7– Who kills the bugs in the house?

both of them lol they don’t care abt bugs

8– How do they celebrate holidays?

Ken drags John kicking + screaming into a Festive Mood. it was a fucking fistfight getting John to celebrate his own birthday nevermind like. actual holidays. Ken is 100% the kind of person to just hang a plant in the door to the trailer so he has an excuse to kiss John (it’s definitely not mistletoe but stfu it still counts)

9– Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

also mutual actually. John doesn’t generally have anywhere to be until dark + Ken loves any excuse to Lay On John lol

10– Who’s the better cook?

John if he tried. he does not try. Ken can cook the basics. they get takeout most of the time

[eldritch-spouse]

Headcanon that Patches is a babysitter for Adelo and Adrul

I literally can see the 2000’s style sitcom where Admin told Patches to keep an eye on them and its end up total mayhem

[Oh, I adore this.]

The Staff as babysitters

Some staff members were initially blacklisted from nanny charges, like Vinnel and Morell, but actually- Most of the team isn't half-bad at this?

Vinnel is, although sometimes a bit too violent with others in front of the princes, very entertaining! They love seeing jester man juggle random (preferably sharp but he's been whipped warned about that) things and tell dumb jokes. He's really perfect for cheering up the little lads and making sure they still see the bright side of things. Adelo's going to absorb some of his mean-spirited humor.

While most people thought Morell would get weird, maybe have some odd urge to cook a god's offspring, he's actually very protective of the kiddos, and determined to cook for them. They're not allowed to enter the kitchen at random however, as no one wants them entering and seeing fresh kills. He would like to teach them how to make animal traps. Adrul specifically loves the chef's baking and has made cakes with him before. Adelo is surprisingly the one with the bigger stomach.

Patches is a nervous, nervous man. While initially a bit awkward, if not fearful regarding his lord's children, he tries to do his best. Problem is, the pumpkin-headed man is at times a little too lenient, and allows the siblings to touch lab equipment they shouldn't while he screams inside. If nothing else, he can take them outside, to one of the nearby stables, and tickle them pink with random horse facts. It would be his pleasure to teach them to ride. Although he sometimes enters long-winded rants that have Adelo groaning and Adrul's eyes twinkling.

Grimbly* knows about as much on how to take care of kids as he knows on how to build a spaceship, which is to say he's got no fucking idea what he's doing. So he settles for buying the princes pretty things and taking them out for ice cream. Because kids like shiny things, right? And sweets? Yeah. Adelo always manages to put a dent in his wallet (now he knows how Santi feels) and Adrul mostly just enjoys it when the bat tries to doll him up, as his centipede-like body is hard to work with.

(*By this point, he has transformed into his older form.)

Santi actually just straight up vomited when he felt Adelo's presence, Adrul's makes him enter a panic... Yeah. Even if direct contact with them is off the table while they grow, the incubus does feel fondness for the princes and occasionally sends them whatever children's toy is most popular these days.

Nebul is a great monster to pair the princes with when Belo's not around. Due to his increased sensitivity to other people's emotions, the wraith can more easily detect when one of the siblings is feeling depressed or anxious. Both kiddos think he "talks funny", his monotone voice being a source of great amusement apparently. The wraith is generally witty and good at showing them interesting new things. While they may never set foot in the shop for obvious reasons, Purpur is often brought out to play with them. Adrul likes to give the tentacle ball rides on his back.

Gallon is exasperated with the amount of times Adrul and Adelo ask to drink alcoholic beverages. One of them almost got his hands on an unsupervised Willow Twister and the slime's heart nearly stopped. He makes iced tea for them and says it's whiskey. It works for now. Adelo is very amused by the way he can stretch, so the angel will sometimes just run off with a tendril and she how long he can make it before Gallon pretends he's in great pain.

Fank-e is another one the little princes like a lot. Probably because he's loud and constantly decked in shiny weird stuff. Plus, he has a seemingly limitless supply of old Internet jokes and forgotten media. It's safe to say both Adelo and Adrul leave his hands covered in stickers, with three new bracelets and maybe a little too hyper for their own good. Nobody wants to deal with two hyper and powerful monster kids.

Sybastian's got a bit of experience from handling mimiclings, unfortunately Admin and Belo don't like it all that much when he tries to put either one of the siblings in his mouth for carrying. Even if both of them seem to have a lot of fun. The mimic is not the best for conversation, and maybe he shouldn't be trusted with cooking either, but he can keep the brothers safe in the garden while they play and torment Hellion.

Ludwig is a honorable mention, because after he gets serious help and becomes functional again, Admin does want the demon to be a part of her life and will let the children have contact with him. Lud is happy for her and treats the kiddos with nothing but love. He's a decent babysitter but he does need more of a filter when it comes to swearing. Adrul and Adelo call him "uncle Ludwig", and that makes him sentimental.

[nebulacollege]

What’re the boys’ hobbies? Do they have any favourite or least favourite food?

!!! I’m both so excited to talk about this but at the same time it’s not exactly something I have thoroughly though out lol But when we finally make their profiles, it’s going to be so nice to return both to your ask and to my reply and realise how I got everything wrong lmao

Let’s start with the main boy!

Edmund’s hobby: occult. He’s into dark stuff, supernatural and mysterious events and anything of that kind. He doesn’t really believe in it, but wants it to be real, so he looks for something tangible, since he has reasons to think there might be something out there. He actually got a little excited when he heard that the college has ghosts.

Edmund’s favourite food: fast food or junk food. He rarely got to eat it, since he has his food cooked for him all of his life, and chefs usually don’t make hamburgers lol only high cuisine ones, and even that is rare. He actually could just ask for it at any point of his life, but he didn’t.

Edmund’s least favourite food: I haven’t thought about this one at all, but to me he seems like a person who doesn’t really like seafood.

Niall’s hobby: social... events?.. Is that even a thing? Maybe I’ll phrase it better in the future. Anyway, things like tea ceremonies, balls (the ones where you dance in costumes), and honestly anything that seems like your average royalty from the 19th century would enjoy.

Niall’s favourite food: anything sweet (honey, candies, cakes, biscuits, macaroons, you name them). He’s a sweet tooth.

Niall’s least favourite food: anything bitterwould be an obvious choice, but such a boring one. I’ll think about it! Maybe junk food hehe

Ned’s hobby: none! He’s good at sports, but his passion lies somewhere else... He’ll figure it out as the story progresses <3

Ned’s favourite food: yes. I mean, meat, but he also likes food in general, his faves also being bread, dairy stuff, anything that makes him feel full, which is honestly never. He’s a bottomless pit, so anything greasy and heavy on your stomach is his go-to.

Ned’s least favourite food: sweets. Makes exchanging food with Niall when they were little very easy, huh. He’s not a fan of purely sweet things, so the only thing he enjoys is probably dark chocolate with a very high percentage of cocoa.

Liam’s hobby: cooking! He’s a very good cook, and he actually does it in his free time. Although, I guess biology/botany could also be called his hobbies...

Liam’s favourite food: pastries, especially cinnamon buns and éclairs. He can cook lots of stuff, but things like croissants, cookies and brioche just get to him.

Liam’s least favourite food: vegetables. They’re very simple and boring, unless you cook them. Mushrooms don’t count, they’re nice~