#I played Inquisition pretty late to the party

[death-rebirth-senshi]

Every once in a while I'm like. Well I should play Inquisition again. Prepare myself for dragon age dreadwolf (which doesn't exist and is never coming out). I barely remember what Solas' deal was shouldn't I refresh. Etc. Well that's the devil talking.

[eruscreaminginthedistance]

Finally got around to watching some post-embargo vids and I have some now updated Veilguard thoughts.

Stuff I liked:

Character creator is a standout as always. This has consistently been the strong point of Bioware's games in the last 10 years so no surprises there. The pronoun and other gender-related options are a welcome addition.

Companions all seem great. I'm sad we haven't got more Davrin or Bellara content yet, since those are the two I'm most interested in learning about. Their initial introduction in that terrible cinematic trailer didn't do these guys any favours, but seeing them in gameplay footage gives a much better impression of them. It's also exciting to see more companion-on-companion interactions and relationships.

I was put off by the voice acting in the 10 minute gameplay reveal months ago, but what I've heard so far has been much better.

Main menu looks pretty.

As an ME fan, I'm pro dialogue wheel; it's unfortunate that Inquisition turned that whole mechanic into a massive drip. This is less a thing I notice but something I hope, that this game's dialogue wheel will have a more DA2 or ME1 vibe.

Hngnggn vfjddjgfnbhn oooowowo o cloaks.

Stuff I didn't like:

The art style is not redeeming itself. Wolfheart made a very insightful point that it might be a holdover from when Veilguard was going to be a live service multiplayer game, and it definitely does give that impression. Everything is still incredibly smooth and it's clear there was a lot of effort put into making things "nice" looking. It's giving very "everyone's beautiful but no one is horny" to me. I'm on the haters' side with the Qunari; where are their textures?

On that note, oh my god. The UI and the VFX. This must have also been a result of live service elements. As someone who hates playing late-game mages in Origins because all of the VFX gives me a headache this game looks actively hostile. Does literally every single ability require flashing neon lights? Why does the UI look like a World of Warcraft meme? Why does every single interactive object glow? Wolfheart noted that even after turning everything off, a bunch of VFX elements were still present, which is tremendously disappointing. Bioware can miss me with this cocomelon for adults visual style; I just do not need all of these annoying tricks to try and keep my attention.

Also on the UI - idk man. Remember when fantasy games weren't embarrassed about looking fantasy? Remember when all of Origins menus opened up in a little book with parchment pages? Character selection took place in a little castle? I just don't get this Thing Bioware has had since 2 to make DA's game UI look cool and slick by taking all the fun out of its visual elements. I've heard it before but I've got to agree, Veilguard's UI looks like a mobile game. And again, it's so busy it's 100% gonna give me headaches.

The combat is.... I won't call it "bad". I just hate it. See above for one of the reasons why. I think I could write a whole essay on how discomfiting it is. The very very clear push (likely from EA) to have the game resemble big name titles like Breath of the Wild and God of War has taken the game in the direction of just kind of a generic hack and slash; at least DA2 married its action elements with its party mechanics and has its own unique voice. There's something in particular that sets my teeth on edge tbh. I'm watching gameplay of warriors and rogues in combat and they're pretty much indistinguishable from mages. Teleporting, fire and lightning flying about in basic attacks, just a ton of stuff that makes me cringe to look at. There's a complete lack of class fantasy there for me - why would I want to play a warrior that isn't just a big guy with a big sword? Is this a result of story elements? Why is my low level rogue demolishing entire groups of enemies ala Dynasty Warriors? In a world where the distinction between a magic person and a non-magic person is incredibly important, could cost you your life, watching a rogue shoot lightning out of their knives makes me groan. Are Bioware's efforts to make the player feel like the coolest specialist person that ever lived going to be addressed in-game? We'll have to see.

Lack of control over your own companions ala Mass Effect. I don't wanna talk about it it's too depressing.

I've noted this in the past but obviously the tonal departure from low/dark fantasy to classic high fantasy. The character backgrounds for the Rooks pretty much lock you into playing a good guy, which is a huge shame. Even if you want to pick a faction that is canonically shady or morally neutral AT BEST like the Crows, they make sure to tell you that the other Crows don't like you because you're just that good-hearted. In a faction like the Grey Wardens, notorious for taking in criminals of all stripes, you spend your background saving helpless villagers. What are the options going to be like for people who want to play morally grey or potentially evil Rooks? It's starting to look like Bioware isn't going to give you a much wiggle room to define your character out of what they need you to be.

Lip flap looks like a very mixed bag. Maybe it's just the footage but voices and mouths look out of sync.

Can't make a post without reminding everyone that Bioware isn't our friend; they've fired half the people who worked on this game and greedy producers like EA don't deserve our money.

Update: Only just came across this but phasing out inventory management? Yeah welcome back Mass Effect trilogy :/

Neutral opinions:

Other shit like the Darkspawn and overall mob designs have been a problem since DA2 so I don't see the point in rehashing it here, other than to say that I can't wait for the "DLC with the good Darkspawn designs in it" this time around.

Opening scene gives me huge Mass Effect vibes; the bar fight and the music in that scene felt very "Lair of the Shadow Broker", which I guess is a compliment.

Varric still not dead yet. Kill that old man!

Ultimately, I'm putting in prediction now that Veilguard is going to go the DA2 route of having a decent and well-loved story, but with massive issues regarding its gameplay and aesthetic that players will just have to get over in order to enjoy the game.

I'm not gonna be buying on release - first time that's been the case for a Dragon Age game since Origins; the current plan is to wait until the Christmas sales, which gives plenty of time for the fandom to either assuage my fears or implode cos the game is shit. Either that or the Solavellan content is so crisp and juicy I'll have to learn to pirate.

[csphire]

So... Frazer the voice actor to Dammon doesn't want Tav or the Dark Urge to romance his character? Well, shit.

It's late, I'm tired and should be in bed, just saw the letter from Dammon from patch 5, and yeah I'm a little weepy now. So excuse any typos.

Fair warning: Just some venting below but no major spoilers.

Update: I've got a better understanding of where Frazer is coming from and a better solution suggestion is 👉here.

But feel free to read this slightly saltier 🧂post. lol

So wait... Frazer doesn't want more work? Why? I mean true, I don't really see Dammon getting along well with a Dark Urge or a Tav Murder Hobo type, but a majority of Dammon's fandom we genuinely adore him and Karlach. And, I'd like to think, most of us just love options. We want to romance him with Karlach and a player character of our own design too.

Would I romance him on every playthrough? Maybe or maybe not. But I do know it will be at least once as Karlach. (I'm on two immunosuppressants. I don't-can't get out much. I can sooo relate to her being touched-starved stuff. I cuss just as much as her too-if not more.) I've got no problem playing as her but again most of us want more options. So what's the problem?

For her, the devs could even put in a few special lines that are unique to their romance. Hells, I would romance them both all the way through the game with Tav if I could so nobody was feeling left out.

Respectfully, I don't understand what Frazer's hang-up is at all. But it feels like a slap in the face when Dammon has become a comfort character to so many of us. We're cheering him on and we're trying to drum up interest to get Frazer a bigger part.

We do this because some of us have a lot of shitty real-life stuff going on, and BG3 has become our escape. And, unlike every romance option we have so far, Dammon doesn't bring us big drama or a lot of demands to the table. Even as just a merchant, he somehow feels... just there for us... supportive. He's not just a pretty face to us, we seriously want to get to know Dammon just a little more! We want him to evolve and grow. We want to know what's his baggage. At this point many of us would settle for him to be just NPC we can romance-not a fling mind you. A full romance like what we see in Dragon Age Inquisition with Cullen or Josephine.

But wouldn't it be cool if we could get him as a full companion? One that could perhaps be an Artificer in a DLC that would introduce that class to the player too?

Even now, when my Tav visits him each day to sell their things, I forget for a little while all the crushing pressure on my play character's shoulders for a few minutes.

In early access, overhearing him grumble about wanting better tools had me roleplaying to collect every tool I could find. A little silly minnie quest. Giving him hammers, and other blacksmith-related stuff, for free taught me how to raise my relationship with a merchant and get a better discount.

Perhaps his simplicity or just his kindness is his appeal. Perhaps don't give him too much baggage if you flesh him out more please.

But how do we get around this Larian, if Frazer won't budge?

Hate to suggest this but consider, Dammon has a twin brother, a nearly identical one. Maybe he has more scars, a different hairstyle, have fun with his design. Oh, maybe he never takes his enchanted armor off, and we have to go into the relationship a bit blind with no idea what he looks like under it all at first. He finally takes his helmet off and seeing Dammon's face we're a little confused. Trust me, we will suspend our disbelief given magic and dragons, for starters, exist in this world. Dammon having a long-lost twin won't be a huge stretch.

So have the twin, instead of Dammon, drop as one of the stars in a DLC. Have him join our party as a fully fleshed-out, perhaps mysterious, companion featuring the Artificer class and fully romanceable. Finally, the fandom gets what we want, a male tiefling we can romance. Dammon can hammer away at his forge and pine for Karlach all he wants. Frazer can stand by whatever principles that are making him hesitant to take on a larger role, more acclaim, another paycheck, possibly more work, and maybe even a gaming voice acting award.

By all means Larian, please throw all that money and acclaim you would have thrown at him at another voice actor. Let the new guy have it all. Sure we'll still pine a bit over Dammon now and then. But if Frazer doesn't want a larger role, guess we'll have to try and respect that.

If you've got this far, thank you for reading, and feel free to share your thoughts.

[moonlitberries]

minors DNI

cw: slight angst, dry humping, miscommunication (ngl, i kind of forced this one)

set in the same universe as this!

let me know what you think <3

iwaizumi remembers exactly how it started.

he'd been on his last set of deadlifts when you'd walked into the gym, looking a little unsure. but he figured he'd wait until you asked for help, if you needed it. his eyes track you as you make your way over to the squat rack where mattsun thad been spotting oikawa.

iwaizumi watches you wait until oikawa had finished his rep before you begin talking to mattsun — asking for help? or a spot? either way, mattsun only seems glad to be of service, a smile spreading over his face. to someone who doesn't know him, mattsun's expression might appear sleazy. but iwaizuni knows that that's just what the guy's face looks like. not his fault, really.

and so, seeing you taken care of, he returns to his own routine. and that would've been it if you hadn't gotten to chatting with mattsun and oikawa. he'd been beckoned over by a yell of oi! iwachan! which had echoed across the (thankfully) empty gym.

iwaizumi strode across the floor to where you were stood with the two doofuses, his towel around his neck. incredibly aware of the fact that he was drenched in sweat and probably reeking.

not the greatest first impression.

oikawa spoke first, annoying voice liIted like it always got when he was playing up his gregarious personality. 'iwachan! say hi to our new gym buddy!'

you gave him a tiny smile, introducing yourself as having just moved to the city. you looked nervous, he noted, even as you stick your hand out to him.

he'd grasped it, extremely conscious of the fact that it was probably sweaty and oh no, he should've wiped it off before coming over, and he really should be introducing himself too, but your eyes were expectant & inquisitive and your hand fit in his really well, and oh no, he'd been shaking it for too long-

thankfully - and he can't believe he was having this thought - oikawa saved the day.

'this is iwachan! don't mind him, he has the social skills of a barely domesticated hedgehog.'

ah, that was more like the oikawa he knew.

slapping the back of his head was second nature to iwaizumi at this point, but then you'd let a laugh escape you before clamping your hands over your mouth. and he froze again, hand suspended halfway on it's path to oikawa's head. you looked at him, eyes wide and bright, afraid of offending him, and suddenly iwaizumi knew that all crimes would be forgiven if you'd keep looking at him like that. he lowered his hand, plastering a (hopefully) friendly smile on his face.

(oikawa & mattsun later tell him that it had, in fact, been a dopey grin.)

apparently, the two doofuses had taken a liking to you, and had invited you to their regular post-gym lunch.

great, more chances to embarass himself.

lunch had turned into an invitation to makki's 'i got a job!' party, which turned into an offer to help with moving, which turned into you and iwaizami splayed out on opposite ends of your new couch, beer cans in hand (and a few on the floor), panting but proud of the boxes stacked in your living room. turns out the apartment you'd rented was a block away from iwaizumi's place, so he'd volunteered to stick around and help you unpack after everyone else had left.

the clock precariously balanced on an overturned box showed that it was nearing ten. you huffed a tired little sigh, turning to look at him.

'hey, it's getting pretty late. you sure you're good to stay?' your lips were slightly party, concern etched across your features. something in iwaizami's stomach flipped when he realized that the concern was for him.

'yeah, i'm good. got my bike parked downstairs, and it's barely a minute's drive from here,' he reassures you. he leaves out the fact that he would have driven for as long as it takes to get to you.

honestly, the fuck was wrong with him?

you sigh again, slapping your hands on your thighs as you make to get up, but immediately slump back into the cushions. 'if you say so, iwachan.' you turn to look at him over your shoulder, eyes bright and teasing because you know he hates that name. at least, you think he hates it. he's just not worked up the courage to tell you that he'll take whatever you call him, as long as you don't stop calling him.

yeah, he's pretty sure no amount of liquid courage would ever get him there.

but he's just tipsy enough to let himself lean into the coy lilt of your voice, mind just the right amount of fuzzy to allow himself to scooch closer to you, your thighs touching. he can feel the warmth of your bare thigh through his jeans, a heat washing through him. touching you was far more intoxicating than anything he'd ever experienced.

his voice is gruff when he says, 'come on, if you're tryna tease me, you can do better than that.' and he can tell you're not expecting that. your brows shoot up and you fumble slightly on your next words, which come out as barely a whisper.

'yeah? and what lengths am i allowed to go to?'

your hand, which had been lightly resting in your lap, lands gently on his knee. he has to swallow when it starts to creep up his thigh, your nails applying just the right amount of pressure to make his throat dry up.

'do what you want, darling,' — and he wills his voice to not crack — 'you set the pace. i'm yours. do whatever you want.'

apparently, that had been all the assurance you needed, because you immediately leaned in, open mouth pressing against his. and he lets himself go, accepts your kiss as your tongue licks into his mouth. you taste of cheap beer and vanilla chapstick — the same goddamn chopstick that had haunted his dreams when he'd seen the way you puckered your lips after applying it — as the kiss grows more fervent, one of your hands winding up his neck to rake through his hair, the other bunching his shirt to tug him closer.

his own hands must have been still all this while, because you break the kiss to mumble against his lips, 'touch me, hajime. need you, please, touch me.'

hearing his name spill from your lips snapped something inside iwaizumi. he immediately grabbed your waist and guided you onto his lap, pulling you closer by the small of your back. his hands sweep all over your body, exploring it. he tentatively reaches a hand under your shirt, goosebumps erupting all over your warm skin.

idly, he thinks that the beer must have been colder than he'd expected.

he reaches over to the small of your back again, this time with full access to your skin, and pulls you in even further, right over his already hard cock, almost groaning in response. you must've felt it too, because you moan into the kiss, and the hand nestled in his hair tugs — and he's a goner.

he begins to move your hips against his, pressing your core right over his cock. his hand comes up to tug at your nipples, and he's rewarded with a moan, your head thrown back, pretty neck exposed for the taking. he sinks his teeth into it, and you press your hips down further, leaving no space between your bodies.

as he laves over the bite mark with his tongue, he can't help but think of what a vision you were above him — back arched, chest pressed to his, eyes shut in bliss. he wonders about how wet you must be — were you soaked? would you be able to take two of his fingers? what about his cock? could he slide it in? or would you struggle to fit it all, squirming as you can't help but try to escape even as you sink down on him further?

the thought has him groaning into your neck as you increase the pace of your grinding against him. you pull at his roots again, a silent plea for more, and hajime's all too happy to give it to you.

his thumb finds the crest of your sex, and he nudges it through your shorts, and oh, you keen at that, and he presses down further.

'ha-ah, haji, so close, don't stop, please—'

he couldn't stop even if he tried, his hips thrusting up into yours as he keeps drawing little nothings over your clit, trying his best to push you over the edge.

his efforts are rewarded when your thighs clamp down around his, head thrown back as broken, wanton moans escape your throat. your pretty little throat, which he'd marked up for everyone to see, for everyone to know you were all his, and his alone.

the thought sends him over the edge too, hips still canting up into yours as he rides out his high. the comedown is blissful, your forehead pressed against his, as you both bask in the afterglow of your orgasms.

slowly, reality sets in.

iwaizumi had just made out — and beyond — with you. you, who had never even flirted in his general direction before today. you, with your gorgeous smile and bright eyes, who could have anyone you wanted and chose him tonight because he was the only one around. it could've been oikawa or mattsun or makki or that cashier who'd rung up your beer. bile rises in his throat at the thought of someone else being in his place. he's suddenly stone cold sober.

he's suddenly too hot and the stickiness in his pants is uncomfortable and he needs to be anywhere but here.

so when you pull back from where you'd been resting on his chest, and sigh out, 'that was — something. guess i should've taken the onus to tease you earlier, huh?' — he doesn't want to stick around for you to dismiss him as just a quickie. he doesn't think his heart could take it.

so he pushes you off, gently as he can, and doesn't — can't — meet your eyes when he mumbles out some excuse about having to water his plants, and barely remembers to grab his keys before leaving.

he doesn't think about the fact that you know he doesn't have plants. that he only owns one half of a pair of succulents, the other sat upon the coffee table you guys had put together today. doesn't see your face crumpling as you blink back tears, wondering what happened all of a sudden.

doesn't hear the sound of your heart breaking over his own.

the next time he sees you, the wall's been put up. he refuses to get attached to you, refuses to let himself think about your vanilla chapstick, or the way the sunlight reflects in your eyes, or the way your hands grip your drink when you're cold, or about how he could hold your hands in his own to warm them up—

nope, he refuses to think about that.

you still end up sleeping together, drunken encounters leading to seeking each other out, even while sober. and he sometimes lets himself think about what he could cook for you after a long day, or what it would feel like to have you drift off in his arms while watching a movie. he sometimes plays with the idea of taking you on a late-night like ride that's not the measly two blocks from your house to his.

but he knows it's all a pipe dream. something to tide him over while he tries to get over you.

for now, he makes do.

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (1-7 Oct 2023)

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

🙂 Under Alien Skies: A Sightseer's Guide to the Universe (Phil Plait, author & narrator) - The Bad Astronomer paints pictures of what the sky would look like standing on the surface of other planets, asteroids, etc.

😊 Initiation (Sex Wizards #1) (Alethea Faust) - erotic BDSM fantasy - actually a bit more plot & worldbuilding than I was expecting tbh, entertaining

😞 Miss Aldridge Regrets (Canary Club Mystery #1) (Louise Hare, author; Georgina Campbell, narrator) - This isn't a mystery the MC investigates, it's a mystery that happens TO her. She was tediously passive, seeming really rather naïve & foolish (esp given her age and life experience) and entirely in denial about pretty much everything that happens to her (since she's being actively framed for murder). However, the very short interval chapters from the killer's perspective did hook my interest and left me genuinely curious about the mystery. At about 44% I jumped to the end to see how the mystery resolved. I'm counting it as read since I did read over 50% of it.

😍 A Most Agreeable Murder (Julia Seales, author; Fiona Hampton, narrator) - comical pastiche/parody mashup of: Jane Austen (specifically), regency-set/gothic novels (in general) & Agatha Christie/country house mysteries - funny & entertaining, deftly done. Very Nightmare Abbey vibes in the absolute best way. I enjoyed all the caricature characters but 'overlooked tedious (but secretly a [redacted]) sister' Mary was my fave, absolute gothic queen

💖💖 +94K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

I'm dating the least inquisitive man in Ottawa (GlitterCity) - Rachel Reid's Game Changers: Troy Barrett/Harris Drover (but really mostly gen), 4K - cute, really nailed the character voices

Tinder Is the Night (rohkeutta) - MCU: stucky, 6K - hilarious, forever fave [reread]

Stay (fandomfluffandfuck) - MCU: stucky, 31K - silver fox/old guard Dom Steve subbing for newbie Dom Bucky - great character voices, hot af sex!

bitten hand guides best (frankoceansmoonriver) - The Witcher: Geraskier, 33K - lovely little fic with werewolf!Jaskier & witcher Geralt

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Make Some Noise - s2, e1

Dirty Laundry - s3, e2

Only Murders In The Building - s3, e10

Deadloch - s1, e1-8

Our Flag Means Death - s2, e1-3

D20: Burrow's End - "The Red Warren" (s20, e1)

D20: Adventuring Party - "Stoatal Recall" (s15, e1)

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

Re: Dracula - October 1: Not My Own Master In The Matter

Welcome to Night Vale #235 - Book Club

What Next: TBD - Inside Crypto's House of Cards

Re: Dracula - October 2: Play for the Stake of Human Souls

⭐ The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Searching for Squids with Dr. Sarah McAnulty

Ed Zitron's 15 Minutes In Hell - Episode 9 - David Roth

Re: Dracula - October 3: The Holiest Love

Into It - Tech Bros Laid the Foundation, but Women Built Social Media

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Enchanted Woods

Switched on Pop - In Defense of Crunk

Re: Dracula - October 4: It Is Like Death

Vibe Check - Freedom, Cut Me Loose!

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Baobab Fare

⭐ Shedunnit - Agatha and Plum

Twenty Thousand Hertz+ - Wilhelm Scream Remix

⭐ Song Exploder - Alvvays "Archie, Marry Me"

Re: Dracula - October 5: Baptism of Blood

Today, Explained - Caste away

Re: Dracula - October 6: My Affairs of Earth

Dear Prudence - My Girlfriend Is Always Late! Help!

Endless Thread - Find A Grave: Social Media Icon

Into It - Are Bed Bugs and Katy Perry Out for Blood?

Today, Explained - Who shot ya, Tupac?

Switched on Pop - Metro Boomin Wants Some More

ICYMI - Stop Snitching on Main

⭐ One Year - 1955: The Hiroshima Maidens

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

Troubadours From the Tribe

Alternative Radio • 2000s

Foundations of Metal

Rob Zombie Radio • 2000s • Familiar

Metal Radio • 1980s

Manowar Radio

"Give It Away" [RHCP] Radio • Familiar

Stand And Deliver: The Very Best of Adam & The Ants {1999}

[reidingmelodies]

The Luckiest

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Category: Fluff Word Count: 2k Includes: Dad Spencer, Children, Pregnancy A/N:  I wrote this one for @anxiousblanketqueen’s birthday challenge: Happy Birthday, Jill! ♡ I hope you have an absolutely amazing day!! Main Masterlist

“What’s this, Daddy?” Spencer turned, eyes finding his daughter holding the scrapbook Penelope made for your anniversary a few months prior.  The book held your most cherished memories: from your first meeting to your first dates, to your marriage and the birth of your children.

“Auntie P made that for us, bug,” he explained, bending down to clear the pile of blocks on the floor to make way for her little feet.  She bounded towards him, the book dangling from her arms while she climbed next to him on the couch.

Big brown eyes similar to his own looked up at him, her little lip sticking out in a pout as she pushed the book towards him in a silent question.

She was only five, but she was fully aware that he was incapable of saying no to her; after all, she learned the puppy dog pout from its creator: his wife.

“Come here, love,” he situated his daughter on his lap, laying a gentle kiss on her hairline before opening the book to the first page.

“Is that Mommy?” her fingers moved to trace along the first photo, a still of you and Spencer at Derek and Penelope’s wedding seven years prior. Your eyes were focused off frame, gaze solely fixated on the couple’s first dance, but Spencer’s were glued to your every move.

It was your very first meeting, years of Penelope trying to set Spencer up with her high school best friend had failed up until that point.  Plans to go to bars were halted by last minute cases in different cities, parties in Penelope’s apartment were missed because you had a date lined up, lunch dates with Penelope where she hoped you would finally meet Spencer were ruined because he wouldn’t leave his desk.

Years and years of trying to get you two to meet, and all it took was her and Derek getting married.

If she knew it would have been that easy, she would have gotten hitched years ago.

As luck would have it, you and Spencer had somehow narrowly avoided each other during wedding planning as well.  It was as though the universe had something against you, as if all the signs were screaming that you weren’t meant to be.  But then, on the night the stars aligned for Derek and Penelope the same happened for you, your pre-planned seating arrangement leading you directly into Spencer’s arms and proving the universe wrong.

It was that night that two perfect strangers became stakeholders in one another’s lives, the night when two hearts found the piece that had been missing for too long.  Neither of you knew it then, but a few shared conversations and lingering glances over dinner were enough to change your lives.

“Yeah,” Spencer whispered, smiling at your daughter.  “That’s Mommy”.

And like their words summoned your presence, the front door opened and you walked in, your two year old son’s hand gripped around two of your fingers while your purse hung from your free arm.

“Mommy!” your daughter jumped from her position on Spencer’s lap to wrap her arms around your legs, your body bending to place a series of kisses against her head.

“Hi, Sweet Pea!  Did you have a good time with Daddy?”

“Mm-hmm!” you watched her pigtails bounce as she twirled, her hand moving to hold her brother’s as she walked him towards a tower in the center of the room.  “We played with blocks and read books and looked at a pretty picture of you!”

“Wow!  What picture was it?” but alas, your question fell short on your daughter’s ears, her attention long gone and instead focused on teaching her brother the right way to build a tower.

And honestly, as far as you were concerned that was perfectly okay.  Any moment they were getting along without tears or screams was a win in your book.

“We were looking at the album Penelope made us,” Spencer’s voice carried over the sound of your children’s giggles and you swiftly moved to sit next to him on the couch, thigh to thigh while your head rested against his shoulder.  “We made it through the first picture before you guys came home”.

You placed a gentle kiss against his shoulder where you laid, eyes scanning the photo in question. It was one of your favorite nights, but it paled in comparison to the picture on the next page.

“Remember that night?” you asked, pointing at the photo you had been eyeing.  It was a blurry mess to put it lightly, Spencer’s hand holding the disposable camera at an odd angle while you attacked his cheeks with kisses until a trail of lipstick was left in your wake.

You were young, in love, and inseparable- a blurry photo was a small price to pay for being with him.

“How could I forget,” Spencer chuckled lightly, shaking his head as he examined the picture, “I got off the jet at 11 PM and headed to your place for a midnight picnic.  We were only dating for three weeks and JJ thought it was weird to go to your place so late, but I didn’t care.  Did you think it was weird?”

You snuggled closer to him, the hitch at the end of his question cluing you into the fact that he was nervous you did.  “If you didn’t come over I most certainly would have went to your place- I hated being away from you, I still do now”.

You were rewarded with a kiss to your palm before Spencer continued to flip through the pages in a comfortable silence, your life together thus far being pieced together with every new picture.

From movie nights cuddled up on the floor of Derek and Penelope’s living room, to office holiday parties where you walked around with your pinkies intertwined, to stolen kisses at happy hour and café dates where you both sported espresso foam mustaches.

With the next flip of the page, you watched as your smiles grew wider in each photo with the addition of a ring on your left hand.  There were pictures of Spencer down on one knee at your favorite park thanks to Penelope’s hidden vantage point behind a set of trees a few feet away.

The sky was a cerulean blue, yellow and pink tulips in full bloom at your feet, but in that moment, with Spencer kneeling in front of you and the most beautiful declarations of love falling from his lips nothing was visible but him.  

Another flip of a page and yet another moment when nothing mattered but Spencer was on full display- your wedding day.  His arms were looped around your waist as you danced in front of your family and friends, your smiles the widest they’d ever been.  The night was filled with love filled glances and silent assertions of love fit for two in a room bursting with joy, each and every one caught on camera thanks to Penelope’s dedication to capturing one of her favorite love stories in action.

A series of selfies followed in the next few pages, each one a picture you had sent Penelope during your honeymoon as proof you weren’t always locked away in your hotel room. Spencer was sporting a sunglasses tan in each photo while you were sporting a smirk, each picture reminding you of the vacation that gave you one of your favorite gifts yet nine months later: your daughter.

You looked up from the album to glance in her direction, your lips curling into a smile as you watched her separate the blocks into color coded piles much to her younger brother’s amusement. With each passing day she reminded you more and more of Spencer, and it was by far one of your favorite journeys to witness.

Your focus shifted back to the book in Spencer’s hands, weekly progress photos of your stomach’s growth (which Spencer was determined to capture in all its glory) gracing the pages along with ultrasounds, memories from your baby shower, and pictures of Spencer’s hands constantly flitting over your lower belly. His head rested gently on your middle in each one, his face the picture of happiness as he whispered bedtime stories and facts about space, completely oblivious to everything but you and your daughter.

You watched as the baby you had spent months dreaming about came to life in pictures, her features the perfect mixture of you and Spencer from the moment she was placed in your hands. With each passing picture the bags under both of your eyes grew bigger, but your smiles grew wider.  Images of her firsts graced the pages: the first time she sat up, the first time she ate solid foods, the first time she said dada (and the tears in Spencer’s eyes when he heard it), her first steps, her first day of school.  

And then one made way for two, your son joining the midst of photos and bringing an endless amount of love and joy to your family.  Much like your daughter, he reminded you of Spencer: he was inquisitive- curious eyes always studying his surroundings, his hand always finding comfort in yours just like his father.  

Pictures of his firsts graced the pages much like your daughter’s, except this time the first time he sat up he was accompanied by a beaming sister, when he said mama for the first time it was you who was in tears, and when he took his first steps he walked straight into Spencer’s open arms.

The book was a picture-perfect testament to your love, one of your most prized possessions, but there was one thing missing.

“I love the life we built together,” Spencer whispered in your direction, his fingers tracing your side as he thought about how lucky he was. How lucky was he that he went from a man destined to live a solitary life to a man with a wonderful wife and two children made from love?

“I love it, too,” you murmured as your hand moved to reach for your purse, “but there’s one thing we’re missing”.

You watched as Spencer’s eyebrows furrowed, his eyes scanning the empty pages at the end of the book.  “I know the pictures are a little out of date, we can order some more this weekend to fill the empty pages though”, he stated as his gaze found yours to see if that was the answer you were looking for.

“We definitely can,” you nodded, removing an item from your purse and unsticking the scrapbook pages to place it in the middle.  Once you were satisfied with its placement, you adjusted the top sheet before holding both of Spencer’s hands in yours, “but we can start with this”.

The previously blank page was now the home of your very first ultrasound photo for your third baby, a surprise you had confirmed earlier that morning at your doctor’s appointment.  You watched as Spencer’s eyebrows shot up, his face breaking into a smile while his eyes filled with tears.

“Really?” his voice was so soft, you were sure you would have missed it if you weren’t sitting directly next to him.

“Really, really,” you confirmed, your left hand moving to grasp his jaw as you pulled his face closer to yours.

“Are you excited?” you whispered, fully aware that the answer was yes but craving confirmation.

With your question, a tear escaped his lash line, trailing down his cheek and making its way to a beaming smile that rivaled the ones you had seen in the scrapbook.

He nodded, at a complete loss for words as he closed the gap between you and let his feelings out in a kiss. It was a kiss filled to the brim with love, happiness, and appreciativeness.  

And in that moment, there was only one coherent thought on his mind as he listened to his children’s giggles in the background and felt the weight of your love against his lips: How lucky was he that he went from a man destined to live a solitary life to a man with a wonderful wife and three children made from love?

The luckiest man alive, that was for sure.

***

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[tommybaholland]

when they’re drunk [shamrock special ☘️]

featuring: captains and vice captains (aka kuroo, bokuto, akaashi, sugawara, and kita)

mentions of drinking and general drunk antics. hope everyone who celebrated had a fun and safe st. patrick’s day! 

kuroo

he’s really fun and entertaining when he starts feeling his drinks

he likes to dance and really gets into it

if you’re lucky, you might even see him try to twerk or throw it back

he mostly likes dancing with you though 

more like watching you dance and have fun

you’re someone who prefers to stay in a little more but you haven’t regretted going out with him and all your friends since the first weekend

kuroo liked going out with you for many reasons 

his number one begin that you always looked so beautiful when you get dressed up to go out

his brain’s like, “that’s my gorgeous s/o right there”

but sometimes other people take too much notice of it for his liking and he gets a little protective over you

one time you and he were waiting for drinks at the bar and there was someone standing on the opposite side of kuroo

they lean over and decide to say hi to you and you said hi back, just to be polite 

kuroo just ignored them until you got your drinks and they try to cheers with you and keep talking to you as if kuroo’s not even there

so when you’re not looking, he decides to talk to them 

“hey, that’s my s/o you’re talking to so i need you to back off >>:(” 

he almost gets into a fight with the guy but instead goes back over to you

“i didn’t do anything, babe. can i please kiss you?”

(this gets a little more heated than just one kiss)

but he’s enjoying it knowing that the guy should be blessed to watch him make out with the most attractive person there

when you’re leaving to find your car and he’s pretty smashed at this point, he’s always losing things

“babe? babyyy where did you go-- oh, you’re right behind me, haha” 

“oh my god, babe, we have to go back. i can’t find my phone!”

he finds it like two minutes later, but enjoys your hands feeling all over him to try to locate it 

he’s also very, very flirty when he’s drunk

presses you up against the car when you find it

“i’m not irish but...can you kiss me anyway?”

bokuto

loud and chaotic, for the most part

loves a good game of beer pong or slap cup

even when he’s drunk, he gets really serious about the game

most of the time he wants you to play with him, even if you’re not that good or confident in your pong abilities 

but if you don’t play, he still likes to involve you somehow

definitely the type to have you kiss the ball for ‘good luck’ 

(after he’s cleaned it off on his shirt, of course) 

he swears by that when he makes it in but it’s also because he’s ‘just awesome’

and if there’s karaoke, well, everyone else should just go home 

because this man will sing all night if he has to 

he really gets into it and that’s what makes him pretty good at it

you have a video of him passionately singing ‘fergalicious’ 

you’re very tempted to post it on tiktok 

honestly, he’d probably let you, especially when he kills the rapping part of the song 

truly the life of the party 

but he checks up on you every now and then

“are you having fun, babe?”

and if you’re not, he wouldn’t let you leave alone and would go home with you if you wanted 

either way, he also makes sure to spend plenty of time with you, which is usually more when he’s bored of games towards the end of the night 

he gets kinda emotional and cheesy at that point

“thank you for coming out with me. you’re the best!”

“you know what, babe? i think it’s so amazing that me, the bestest guy, got paired with you, the bestest person ever!” 

“i just love you a lot, okay? :’)” 

you can always count on him if you want to have a fun night out

akaashi

very calm and relaxed

but he gets very needy and clingy when you’re with him

he tries to socialize if he’s out with you and others but he prefers to stay by your side, touching you delicately somewhere 

usually a hand on your lower back or around your hip or an arm slung around your shoulders

when you’re not around him, like when you’re in the bathroom or getting a drink, he’s still watching out for you

it’s just a little habit he has, making sure no one messes with you or your drink 

he also likes to have bokuto around because he knows he can count on him to help intervene if anything does happen

he trusts you though and knows you can handle yourself pretty well

tries to dance but isn’t the greatest at it 

but he also doesn’t like when it’s in a tight space area with a ton of people and the air is hot because it fogs up his glasses

and at the end of the night when he’s all good and liquored up

his neediness is at like level 1000

it’s like the alcohol makes it very salient in his mind that, “wait, i have an s/o and i love them so much”

so he feels like he has to tell you all things he loves about you as you’re leading him outside to catch an uber

also gets this swoon-worthy, half-lidded expression with a goofy smile to match 

“you’re so beautiful, you know that?”

“and so kind. you take such good care of me, baby”

your face gets all hot and you can’t hide your smile

you don’t even care if it’s the drinks talking bc he’s still the sweetest boy around 

and when you tell him you love him, he looks like he’s about to cry as he hugs you impossibly tight

“aww baby, i love you, too. so much.” 

he keeps an arm around you, making sure you’re warm as you wait for the uber 

(but also to keep himself steady)

leans against you during the car ride home and whispers sweet nothings in your ear as he occasionally kisses your cheek

sugawara

he’s the all-around type and a mix of the previous three

loves to dance, play games, drunkenly yell traditional cheers and songs

but he also very much enjoys and appreciates your company 

can also be very flirty at times

“you look really good tonight. did i tell you that, sugar?”

he’s not much of a fighter or one for conflict in general, but that doesn’t mean he won’t get protective over you

if anyone tries to chat you up or mess with you, he’ll try to get you out of there in the most discrete way possible

he’ll be like, “oh hey, there you are, babe! we’re over here-- oh, who’s this?”

usually, the other person will take the hint by then and back off 

but if they seem more bold and persistent, he’ll just wrap an arm around your shoulders and lead you away while saying to them, “nope, sorry, that’s not happening”

unfortunately, his sweet face doesn’t help too much, so it’s nice when asahi’s also around for some intimidation tactics

he doesn’t usually like to stay out too late and likes to get home early enough so that he can spend more time alone with you

he’s a big fan of eating or cooking something after a night out 

or going to some random convenience store and drunk buying a bunch of junk food for you both 

a lot of times you end up staying up late watching something and usually, it’s a random movie 

but the alcohol always wins and you’re both asleep on the couch before the movie even finishes 

he never sleeps that well when he’s been drinking so he wakes up to turn off the tv 

he’s too inebriated to carry you to bed so he makes sure you’re comfortable and warm with him on the couch

but that usually causes you to wake up and he tries to remain as quiet as possible, his voice at a whisper

“oh, i’m sorry i woke you, sugar. c’mere, lay down on me”

the pressure from your body on his helps to stop the spins and get him to sleep more peacefully 

kita

he’s a man of moderation and not usually a heavy drinker or makes sure he’s drinking plenty of water between drinks

however, that doesn’t mean there aren’t times where he has a little too much fun

it’s a common occurrence when he’s hanging with his old teammates 

prefers a simple and quieter drinking game, like kings, instead of ones where he’d have to clean up a lot afterward

he doesn’t dance much either

he’s more out of it than anything

suna has plenty of pictures and videos of him apologizing to a house plant for ‘bumping into it’

he also wanders around a lot and gets himself lost

one time you found him in a lonely room, laying on a couch

“oh, love, there you are! did they-- did they send you in here?”

you’re like ‘who??’

you sit down and put his head in your lap 

as he tells you how he went to look for water but found this room and decided to lay down

“and someone came in here and tried to lay my head in their lap and touch my face. i think maybe they tried to kiss me too.. but i said, ‘no you can’t do that because i have an s/o. don’t you know that?’ and then i told them to go tell you that i’m in here.”

you tell him that no one told you but that you were looking for him

“well, i’m glad you found me”

he leans up and tries to snuggles into your shoulder

“why would they even come in here? couldn’t they see i was laying down? also, i’m pretty sure everyone here knows that we’re together so why would they do that when you’re the only one i want?”

he becomes kinda emotional and inquisitive about it but you think it’s adorable

even if he’s a little out of it when he’s been drinking, he still knows to put up boundaries when necessary 

you stay there with him for a little bit longer, eventually laying down with him on top of you, his head on your chest 

“let me know if i’m too heavy, okay?”

you kiss his head and rub his back soothingly 

you’re actually kinda looking forward to taking care of him when you get home

because he always takes such good care of you <3

just our luck that it’s haikyuu night, huh? send a request for more luck!

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Fifteen

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: NSFW!!😈😈 please disregard colorado window tinting laws for this chapter

***

Cassian has yet to regret getting Nesta that personalized record, despite the fact that she plays it everyday on repeat with a near obsession. Is this what true love is? Letting your girlfriend blast the same songs through your home again and again, and never tiring of it? Never tiring of her?

He doesn’t get to ponder on it, because while Nesta spends the week lazing pantsless around the house (“I’m getting ready for the party,” she states while he rubs her feet. “Spiritually and all that.”), Cassian has to figure out how to turn the cabin into an inviting space for forty wealthy guests.

All of Nesta’s shit gets shoved in the back of his bedroom closet. Personal items and framed pictures of the two of them are swiped off any surfaces. Lights go up around the house. Catering is secured.

By the time it’s all finished, the cabin has been stripped of all warmth and familiarity and turned into something chic and upscale, suitable for a small gala. Nesta stares around at the space when it’s done, her face revealing nothing.

Cassian points to the small sitting area on the second floor, directly above the open living room, that leads outside to the wraparound balcony. “We’ll be able to see fireworks from there,” he says. He turns to see Nesta’s face is still carefully blank, the way it is when she’s thinking too many things at once. “You sure you want to do this?” he asks. “It’s not too late to cancel the whole thing.”

She looks at him in horror. “It most certainly is. The party’s tomorrow.”

“Still not too late.” Cassian might not have that much power in the overall Night Court hierarchy, but for Nesta he could figure it out.

She smiles wanly but shakes her head. “We’re doing this, and we’re not letting it go to hell like last time.”

***

Nesta knows her sisters are aware that she’s on the guest list for the party (though she can’t imagine what Cassian’s explanation for that one was), but she still stiffens when she enters the cabin through the open door. Her eyes fall on various men and women that she’s never seen in her life, all glammed up and dripping self-importance, until recognizing Feyre and her boyfriend laughing with an older couple in a corner. The only thing that brings Nesta a little peace is that the snide woman, Amren, isn’t here tonight, having chosen to spend New Year’s with her boyfriend in California instead.

Nesta eases up when nobody takes notice of her, though a few nearby guests throw appreciative glances in her direction. She looks like a disco ball in her sequined wrap dress, and a freezing one at that. She shuts the door behind her, sealing the winter air out, but quickly pulls her hand away from the knob. It feels like the door isn’t hers to touch. She realizes that even though the cabin is her home, no one here except Cassian knows that.

Speaking of Cassian, she needs to find him. Nesta is not such an advanced creature that she knows how to survive in a room full of strangers on her own, and she no longer cares if anyone finds her clinging to Cassian weird.

She makes it three feet before she’s accosted by Morrigan, carrying her usual champagne glass like it’s an extension of her.

“Nesta!” she exclaims, loud and bright as ever. She smiles broadly, with too many teeth. “You’re here.”

Nesta blinks in response. She doesn’t understand how Morrigan benefits from this exaggerated excitement. Is it supposed to be insulting or polite?

“By the way,” Morrigan adds when Nesta doesn’t reply, “what exactly are you doing here?”

A heavy arm slides around Nesta’s shoulders, pulling her close. “I invited her,” says Cassian with a smile. “Because she’s my friend, and this place is practically hers.”

“Oh, I think that’s an exaggeration,” Nesta says sharply, trying to step away from Cassian.

He holds her closer. “No it’s not. We were roomies for over two months, remember?”

Morrigan winces, looking between the two of them. “Right,” she says slowly. “I keep forgetting that. Cassian is like this with everybody,” she says apologetically to Nesta. “Don’t take him too seriously.”

Nesta nods solemnly, wanting this conversation to be over. “I won’t.”

Her exit is made clear when the doorbell rings. “I’ll get it,” she says quickly, escaping from under Cassian’s arm.

Hurrying to the door, she swings it open.

Eris Vanserra stands looking irritated on the other side. He freezes when he sees Nesta, and then his face lifts into a smug grin. “Oh, this is too good.”

“So Cassian Madani was your sugar daddy all along?” Eris asks her later.

“Say sugar daddy one more time. I dare you.” Nesta stands near the stairs with her arms crossed, trying to pretend she isn’t associated with Eris. Which is more than a bit difficult when he keeps badgering her with questions, and Cassian is giving the two of them odd looks from across the room.

“I mean, what are the odds?” he laughs.

“My sister is dating his CEO brother.”

Eris throws her a look of surprise, but Nesta says, “How do you even know him?”

Eris sticks an hors d'oeuvre from a nearby platter in his mouth. “He manages security and logistics at every event Night Court is involved in. Can be a real pain in the ass to work with when I’m trying to get shit done for my dad’s company.”

“You’re a pain in the ass,” she retorts.

They’re interrupted by Feyre and Rhys appearing before them, Feyre with her hostess smile and Rhysand with an inquisitive look on his face. Nesta can’t tell which one of them is more attached to the hip of the other.

“Eris,” Rhysand greets smoothly.

“I see you’re already acquainted with my sister,” Feyre says. Her tone is tense, either because she’s still pissed at Nesta or—even worse—she feels protective of her.

“We’re classmates,” Nesta says tightly. “Does it matter?”

Feyre tries not to look hurt. “No—I just didn’t know.”

“Well, now you do.”

“Ladies,” a new voice says warningly. Cassian’s left whatever droll conversation he was stuck in and made his way over to them.

“Is the entire party congregating here?” Eris looks around himself.

“No, we are not,” Cassian says, all his usual friendliness gone around Eris. “I just came to ask Feyre to talk to the representatives from Spellbreaker before they pull all their money out of our latest operation.”

Feyre’s eyes go wide and her tattooed hand goes to her chest. “That’s not really my job—”

“Oh, come on, darling.” Rhysand slides a hand around her waist. “I’ll go with you; the art of negotiating is easier than it looks.”

Nesta nearly pukes in her mouth, but she maintains a careful blank face until Feyre and Rhysand are successfully out of sight. Cassian turns to Eris with a stony look. “You’re still here?”

Nesta sighs internally; this man has never hidden his feelings in his life.

Eris shares an amused glance with Nesta as if he’s thinking the same thing. “Is there anywhere else I should be right now?” he replies.

“Maybe in hell.”

Nesta claps a hand on Cassian’s shoulder and fakes a smile at Eris. “Tell your brother hi for me,” she says while pulling Cassian away. “I miss talking to a sensible redhead.”

“That’s because you have awful taste,” Eris calls after her. Nesta drags Cassian deep into the hallway, where no one lingers.

She releases him without flourish. “Are you doing okay? Because it seems like you’re having a harder time with this than I am.”

“I’m fine,” Cassian defends. “I was just hit with a terrible memory back there.”

“Like what?”

“That you’re friends with Eris.”

Nesta rolls her eyes. Friends is a very liberal term, but she won’t correct Cassian while he’s acting like this. “Thank you for helping with Feyre and Mor,” she says instead. “I didn’t need it, but I still appreciate it.” It’s a hard thing to admit, but she wants him to hear it.

“I was just trying to get you alone,” he says, leaning against the bathroom door. “I’ve been trying to get you alone all night.”

Nesta looks him up and down, from his white dress shirt and tied back hair to his uncharacteristically polished shoes. “For what?” she says warily. “If this is about a sex thing, don’t bother. There’s nowhere in this house for us to go without raising suspicion.”

Cassian pushes off the door with a dark look. “I wasn’t going to suggest staying in the house.” He holds a bronzed hand out toward her. “Wanna get out of here?”

***

Cassian doesn’t remember how he ever managed to fit all six-four of himself into the cramped backseat of his truck when he was fucking girls in college, but for Nesta he figures it out somehow.

Her pretty little dress is shoved down to her midriff, baring her arms and flushed breasts, and her skirt is bunched up high enough that Cassian can watch as he moves his fingers inside her. The glow of lights from the cabin lands on her perfect face as she throws her head back in pleasure, and he can only watch her in awe.

He laughs lowly when she whimpers and eases a third finger into her wet heat, in no rush to return to the party anytime soon. Let them all wonder where he and Nesta wandered off to.

But Nesta has far less patience than him; she pulls him in for a frenzied kiss and uses the distraction to slide her hand into his boxer briefs, palming his cock. He groans into her mouth as she pulls out the length of him from his unzipped pants, and it’s at that very moment that two voices interrupt their panting.

“Thanks,” a muffled female voice says from outside the truck. Cassian looks up through the dark tinted windows to find—Jesus Christ—Mor accepting a cigarette from Rhys. The two of them stand some feet away from the truck, unaware that anyone is occupying it.

“Some way to end the year,” Rhys is saying, watching the clear night sky. Nesta’s gone completely still beneath Cassian, not needing to get up and look to know who stands in the driveway. “Would have been even better without Nesta terrorizing Feyre at every turn.”

Sickness turns Cassian’s stomach at hearing such ugly words about Nesta come from his brother, but that sickness is quickly replaced by rage as Mor huffs a laugh. “She’s not that bad,” Mor says, taking a pull from her cigarette. “Though I could do without the attitude at every damn gathering.”

Rhys clicks his tongue. “She’s always been like that, even when the sisters were kids. It kills Feyre.”

Cassian glances down at Nesta, terrified of what he’s going to find on her face. But Nesta doesn’t look hurt or enraged like he expects. Instead, she’s listening closely with her brows furrowed, studiously intrigued.

Noticing Cassian’s attention on her, she meets his eyes and her breath hitches. A blush takes over her cheeks, and she clenches involuntarily around the fingers still deep inside her. Cassian realizes that his fury is written all over his face. And she likes it.

His anger at his friends flickers—or rather, transforms. Slowly, he pulls his fingers out of Nesta. He sits up a bit straighter and kneels properly on the backseat, earning a curious look from her. Hunching so his head doesn’t hit the truck ceiling, he wraps his hands around her thighs and maneuvers her legs up, up until they’re hooked over his shoulders. She nearly chokes at the new position.

He adjusts them so his cock is pressed right up against her sex, and looks out the window again, where Rhys and Mor are still talking. It’s all idle gossip, he knows, but... “What do you think, baby?” He slides his length over her slick folds. “Should I go out there and defend your honor?”

“Absolutely not,” Nesta gasps, shaking her head.

“And it’s like when she’s not quiet as a brick, she’s being rude,” Mor rants outside, flicking her cigarette. “I know Cass is friendly with everybody, but I have no idea what he was thinking inviting her here.”

“Oh, she’s not so quiet when I have my head between her legs,” Cassian murmurs at Mor. He glances down at Nesta with a knowing smirk. “She’s not so rude when I give her the right incentive, either.” He pats her bottom lip with his thumb, the bright red lipstick smearing. “Isn’t that right, Nes?”

“Bastard.” Nesta squirms, trying to line up her entrance with the head of Cassian’s cock. She’s not even listening to the conversation outside anymore.

“I think he likes her,” Rhys says, his breath clouding in the freezing night air. If only he knew. “We don’t always use reason when it comes to people we like.”

“Maybe,” Mor ponders. “But I can’t imagine it going anywhere. They’re too different.”

“I disagree,” Cassian mutters. He finally gives in to Nesta’s efforts and pushes inside her, sliding to the hilt in one thrust. She claps a hand over her mouth to stifle her moan.

“There are plenty of things we have in common, don’t you think, Nesta?” He sets a steady rhythm with his hips, pumping in and out of her. “Like how well we fit together.” Her head bumps the car door with every thrust.

“You—you’re gonna rock the truck,” Nesta tries to whisper. Cassian hides his smile in the crook of her knee at the rare use of informal contraction. She’s adorable.

“We wouldn’t want that to happen,” he teases, leaning forward to take a pert nipple into his mouth. A whimper slips past her lips; she’s nearly bent in half beneath him. With this new, deeper angle, Cassian moves slow enough that Nesta feels every solid inch of him.

His loose hair falls around his face as he drops his head to the center of Nesta’s chest. It takes every bit of restraint he knows not to suckle at the space between her breasts, not to leave reddened marks there that everyone will be able to see when they go back inside. But damn if this position isn’t driving him crazy.

Mor, Rhys, everything beyond the haven of the truck falls away. He doesn’t know if anybody is still outside, or if people have noticed his and Nesta’s absence from the party. He doesn’t care, not as he swears and thrusts particularly deep into her tight warmth.

Even her hand can’t contain the sound she makes at that.

Cassian moves one of his own hands to the crown of Nesta’s head, creating a barrier between her and the car door. With his other arm, he locks her thighs into place against his chest, and begins slamming relentlessly into her.

“CassianCassianCassian—”

He silences her with a searing kiss, and flicks her clit with a calloused thumb. Nesta scrabbles at his arms, at the seat upholstery, as her orgasm crashes into her. Her walls milk his cock almost painfully, and with a few more thrusts he’s coming, too.

As he rides out his climax, he intertwines their fingers together and presses them to the freezing window. Outside, there is no one to see the handprint they leave on the fogged up glass.

***

Nesta needs a moment to catch her breath while Cassian zips himself up. Leaning against the hard truck door, she achingly fits one arm back into the sleeve of her dress, then the other. “I think I have a bruise from where that seatbelt buckle stabbed me in the ribs,” she mutters.

“Where?” Cassian looks her over, but she waves him away and reaches over to dig in the back pocket of the driver’s seat, finding a packet of makeup wipes she left there some weeks ago. She plucks out a wipe for herself and tosses the rest of the packet at Cassian’s chest, which is covered in her lipstick marks.

He accepts the wipes with a “thanks” and begins rubbing at his reddened mouth and neck. Nesta watches him instead of wiping at her own lipstick, taking in whatever the light of the moon highlights: his unbuttoned shirt, his loose hair that fell forward into her face while they fucked, his skin peppered with her marks.

He notices her stare. “What?” he says, smiling.

“Have you ever done that before?” She nods outside to where Mor and Rhys were standing ten minutes ago. It wasn’t exhibitionism since nobody had seen them, but it still felt... dirty.

Cassian snorts, starting to button up his shirt. “I’ve done far worse.” He meets her eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten off to the sound of other people shit-talking my girl, though, so that’s new.”

Nesta blushes, and pretends to look around for her shoes to hide the reaction. She’s always known her bedroom experience was pathetically limited, but she’s just now starting to realize how much of that was Tomas’s fault. Not only was he boring when it came to sex, but he left her too hurt and untrusting to try anything with other men until Cassian came along.

Cassian nudges Nesta’s knee, and she finds him already holding her heels. Instead of letting her take them, he takes her feet and starts putting them on for her. “Clean yourself up,” he directs as he buckles a silver strap into place. “It’s almost an hour to midnight.”

Right. Cassian tosses her her panties, and she uses them to clean up the mess between her thighs before discarding them on the floor. “Don’t—” he tries to protest, but sighs and gives up. “You’re filthy.”

“You love it.” She picks up her forgotten makeup wipe to scrub at her smeared makeup. “Do I look okay?” She turns her face to him after a moment so he can check.

“You missed a spot.” He takes the wipe and rubs at her chin. “There,” he says softly, gazing more intimately at her than usual. “Beautiful.”

She most certainly doesn’t look beautiful right now, with the mess that’s been made of her face and hair. But he seems to believe it all the same.

I love you. The thought comes to her suddenly, unexpectedly.

“What?” Shock turns Cassian’s face.

Nesta blinks, realizing the words weren’t only in her head. “What?”

“You said—”

“I said ‘Let’s get out of here’,” she says quickly, swinging her legs down from the seat and reaching for the door handle. “Let’s go!”

She shoves out of the truck without waiting for Cassian and foots it for the cabin, breathing harshly like she just fell from a great height.

***

Nesta goes straight to the master bedroom to redo her makeup and pick up a new pair of underwear. She knows it’s cowardly to leave Cassian downstairs, stuck chatting with wealthy donors and unable to follow her, but she won’t let him confront her about the confession that spilled back in the truck. Not yet.

When she finally finds the courage to stick her head out of the room, she nearly jumps at the sight of Azriel leaning against the hallway wall.

“What are you doing in my brother’s room?” he says, as if he was waiting for her to come out.

The best lies are half-truths. “Avoiding people,” she answers vaguely, exiting the room fully and shutting the door behind her. She clears her throat. “What are you doing here?”

“Snooping.” He pushes off the wall and slides his hands into his pockets. “It’s interesting; I don’t think I’ve seen you all night, and now I find you in Cassian’s bedroom of all places.”

What is this, an interrogation? “I’m good at blending in,” Nesta says. “Few people ever notice me.”

“And I’m good at observing,” Azriel retorts, dark amusement gleaming in his gaze. “Where did you run off to earlier?”

Nesta looks him up and down, too bored to bother answering him. “I’m going to go now.” She shoves past his shoulder and walks away, leaving him too stunned to follow.

She comes across Elain near the top of the stairs.

“Nesta,” her sister says in surprise. Her brown eyes flicker past Nesta’s shoulder, to where Azriel still lurks in the hallway. She looks back to Nesta. “I wasn’t sure if you actually came tonight. I haven’t seen you at all.”

“Yeah, I’ve been hanging around.” Nesta waves a dismissive hand. It’s like Christmas Eve never happened between them. That’s the wonderful and terrible thing about sisters, Nesta supposes: there are no apologies, only moving on and moving past.

“Well, you look like you’re doing good.” Elain seems distracted. “I wish we could talk more, but I don’t have time for a fight tonight.”

“That won’t be a problem,” Azriel says, who’s snuck up behind Nesta. “If it’s me you’re worried about, I was just about to leave.” He’s addressing Elain, but won’t quite look her in the eyes. He turns to Nesta instead. “Happy New Year.” And then he’s gone down the stairs.

Elain stands there looking torn, wondering if she should go after him or not, but then Nesta says, “Why do you assume I would start a fight?”

“I—”

“Because if I remember correctly, our last fight was started by you.” She crosses her arms.

Elain sighs. “I just said I don’t have time for this.”

“I’m asking a question in response to a comment you made unprovoked.” When Nesta is calm, she can talk circles around Elain all night.

Elain throws her hands up. “It was just a stupid comment! I said it because we argue all the time. I can’t remember the last time we talked without arguing.”

“September twenty-eighth,” Nesta snaps.

Elain’s mouth drops open. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. You got the loan for your flower shop approved and you called me to celebrate. I was happy for you.”

Elain shakes her head, but Nesta can’t read what she’s feeling. “You remember the most inconsequential things.”

It doesn’t sound like an insult, so Nesta shrugs. “Don’t bother me and I won’t bother you.” She turns to go on her way. Of course, Elain doesn’t stop her. She’s never been one to get in the last word.

***

It’s ten minutes to midnight and Cassian still hasn’t been able to get a hold of Nesta since she ran from the truck. He doesn’t know why she’s running from such a simple truth, but he doesn’t plan on giving her much more time to hide. He has so much he needs to say to her—

A hand comes down on his shoulder as he’s about to slip away upstairs to find Nesta. Cassian turns to find Rhysand there, wearing the serious face he only uses for work-related business. “I need to talk to you about something.”

Cassian is not in the mood. He already had to repress the urge to find Mor and Rhys and tear into them when he returned to the party, and now he’s not sure if he can manage a conversation with his brother without snapping. Without spilling everything he’s worked so hard to hide.

“Not now,” Cassian says, trying to act chill. “It’s almost midnight and I’m trying to catch the...” He trails off as his eyes catch on Nesta, who’s appeared at the second floor sitting area with Eris.

“...fireworks,” he finishes. He turns to Rhys. “Let’s go upstairs to watch.” Half the guests, including the rest of his friends, are probably already outside for the countdown.

He keeps his eyes on Nesta as he climbs the stairs. Watching as she takes notice of him and quickly turns away, smiling at Eris instead. She lets the dickhead place his hand on her back to guide her out to the balcony.

Rage and disbelief take Cassian by the throat. Hiding in another man’s arms to avoid him? Coward fucking move, Archeron.

She steps outside with Eris, and before Cassian can follow he’s stopped once again by Rhys grabbing his arm. “Cass, will you slow down and listen to me for a minute?”

“What is it?” he snaps impatiently. They’re stopped at the top of the stairs, and other guests flow past them as they head for the balcony doors.

Rhys inhales, getting visibly irritated. He says, “I got a call from one of our overseas partners the other day—”

“Rhys!” Feyre calls from the balcony doors, waving her arms at him. “Get your ass over here, it’s almost midnight!”

Rhys turns to his girlfriend, his face lightening. “Be right there, darling.” He gives Cassian a sharp look. “We’ll finish this later.”

Cassian only nods and whirls on his heel, nearly shoving people out of his way to get outside. To get to Nesta.

Up on the wraparound balcony and down below on the frosty ground, guests are lined up with their partners, wrapped up in coats and eagerly awaiting midnight. He barely feels the cold, but he knows Nesta must. He should have grabbed a coat for her.

“Thirty seconds to midnight!” someone announces, answered by loud cheers.

Spotting shining red hair, Cassian grabs Eris by the suit jacket and whirls him around. “Where’s Nesta?” he demands over the loud chatter.

Eris makes a face like he’s been manhandled by a filthy dog. “Clearly not with me,” he retorts, shoving Cassian’s hand off him. “She got all pissy and went that way.” He gestures at a faraway section of balcony where most of the guests are crowding, hoping for an optimal view of the fireworks.

“TEN!” Someone starts the countdown. Others quickly catch on.

“NINE!” Cassian heads in the direction Eris pointed, searching through the sea of glitter and gold for a glimpse of Nesta.

“EIGHT!” He hears his friends calling after him distantly, asking where he’s going.

“SEVEN!” He catches sight of Nesta.

“SIX!” He doesn’t know what he’s thinking as he navigates through the crowd, reaching for her. But he knows she’s shining brighter than the moon right now. He knows he’s been fooling himself since the moment she stepped into his cabin this past September.

“FIVE!”

He closes in on her, her back turned to him.

“FOUR!”

Let’s not go out of our way to hide this anymore, they agreed after Christmas Eve. Let’s just be ourselves around our friends and family, and they’ll find out when they find out.

“THREE!”

In Cassian’s defense, he’s simply being himself in this moment.

“TWO!”

He takes Nesta by the elbow and spins her around. She meets his eyes in surprise. “Cassian. I was looking for you—”

“ONE!”

He pulls her into his arms and kisses her.

***

a/n: punk 57 was a shit book but i gotta give it credit for the truck scene

taglist: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein

[hanatiny]

Perfect Illusion

a/n: this fic is inspired by this post (although I modified the idea a bit)! for those interested, I even made a spotify playlist to hopefully enhance the experience~

pairing: royal guard!San x royal guard/spy!f!reader

genre: smut

word count: 2113

warnings: royal AU, weapons (knives and daggers), brief mention of infidelity (which I do not condone), swearing, teasing, dry humping, hair pulling, name-calling (they keep insulting each other... oops), enemies with benefits, implied enemies to lovers (kind of), slight knife kink, implied pain kink, exhibitionism, unprotected sex, no clear dom/sub roles

-----

Despite excelling at undercover work, you weren’t known be incredibly ‘out there’ in the way you executed your tasks, so this particular mission you had been given must have been the one you disliked the most as of now, not to mention that you despised the tactic of seduction.

You did your best to attract as little attention as possible in order to carry out your information gathering in peace. Although it seemed that in doing so, you had become a little too suspicious for one of the guards. You heaved a sigh, meeting his eyes while most of his face remained covered by the hood and the mask he wore to not look like the odd one out at the royal masquerade event. He nudged his head towards a nearby balcony after asking for one of his fellow guards to watch his spot, signalling you to follow.

Albeit slowly, you did what was asked of you - your beliefs were much too deeply rooted in obedience not to. Once outside, the guard closed and locked the door behind you. Shrugging off his hood, he took off his mask while you did the same so the two of you were equally bare to each other.

“San?!” “Y/n?!” You both gasped aloud in equal shock and surprise, slapping a hand over each other’s mouths to prevent anyone from hearing how casually you spoke with each other.

Prying your hand away from his face, although still holding it in his own, San quirked an inquisitive eyebrow at you, “What, pray tell, are you doing here at this party wearing that?”

Your voice was teasing as you spoke and he gestured towards the black dress you were wearing, “Oh, this old thing~?” He rolled his eyes at your playful tone but allowed you to continue, “As much as I didn’t want to, His Highness requested me to keep my eyes and ears open for anything or anyone suspicious... and had the bright idea of having me use seduction to get the job done.”

Despite knowing how much you hated the technique in question, San thought it fun to tease and rile you up about it, “Do I classify as suspicious then? Cause you’ve definitely caught my interest and seduced me...~”

You rolled your eyes, grabbing him and pulling him close by the tie he was wearing before whispering in his ear, “With how flirty you’re being, definitely. I might have to arrest you now, sunshine~ But if you play your cards right, I might let you fuck me, pretty boy.”

It was your turn to cock an eyebrow when San nonchalantly turned the situation around on you and pinned you against the wall roughly, both of your wrists above your head in one of his own while an almost bored grin danced across on your face at the act. “That all you got~?”

“Not at all, sweetheart...~” “Show me then,” you challenged without hesitation, hooking one of your legs around his hip to draw his body closer and flush against yours, “show me what you can do, unless you want to admit that a woman could dom you~”

Bullseye. You hit him right in his sore spot, knowing him to be much too competitive to let such a cheeky comment slide. You saw something shift in his eyes, something dark, and you knew you had him right then and there, “You asked for it... don’t complain if you limp afterwards.”

“Wanna bet~?” San effectively shut you up by melding his plush lips to yours, your hands tugging greedily at his already messy hair while the grinding of your hips against his coaxed a soft moan from his lips.

“You really don’t intend to make it easy for me do you, little vixen...” He whispered against your lips, his voice low and raspy as he did so, causing you to give him a casual shrug, “You know me, I always want to be the one who comes out on top. Whether that is in the physical sense or not couldn’t matter any less to me, frankly.”

San huffed softly, he knew you were competitive but so was here. However, the difference between the two of you was that you were willing to play dirty to get what you want.

As such, you couldn’t prevent a slight smirk from tugging at your lips when his breath hitched audibly after he pushed the hem of your dress up to your hips and spotted the daggers strapped to one of your thighs. “Staring longer won’t make the image imprint itself in your mind any faster. And in case you haven’t noticed with how much you want my daggers on your body, I’m worked up and hereby telling you to hurry up and fuck me. Right here, right now.”

“Getting feisty and demanding, are we? Two can play that game, Y/n...~” Reaching into the inside of his jacket, San pulled out a knife and held it to your throat while the cocky smirk never left your face, “Are you just gonna keep threatening me with a good time so that I’ll walk right back in there and tell everyone you’re my bitch, or are you actually gonna do something about that obvious boner in your pants?”

San’s eyebrow twitched at your audacity, the discovery of the fact that you had foregone underwear tonight not helping his dwindling patience in the slightest, “Pathetic how desperate you are for my cock, you minx. Needing to cover it up with such a tough girl act...”

He trailed off, watching you closely as he pocketed his knife and used his now unoccupied hand to quickly unfasten his pants and free his aching length from its confines. He stroked himself a few times, the seconds passing torturously slowly in your eyes as you licked your lips in anticipation before throwing your head back against the wall with a strangled gasp when he fully inserted himself inside of you without warning.

“You son of a-” “Shush doll, don’t want anyone to hear what we’re doing out here do you~?” You huffed as he interrupted you, pretending to think for a moment before shaking your head with a smile, “I actually do, imagine the surprise when they’d hear that two of the royal guards are all over each other...~”

San’s eyes darkened once more before narrowing them at you, “You asked for it, then... Be prepared to scream.”

“Such big words from the man who’d let me spit in his mouth~” You weren’t having it though, only mewling and moaning softly while San repeatedly snapped his hips into yours. His pace was rough and quick, eager to get both you and himself off, “Won’t even, fuck- won’t even scream for me... am I not fucking you hard enough?”

“Mmh... nope~!” You replied with a toothy grin, gasping sharply when San thrusted inside of you particularly harshly. “That better?” “Much~” He continued to move at the harsh pace he had just set, his breath hitching when his hand accidentally brushed against the leather garter still fixed securely around your thigh.

He felt himself twitch violently when you spoke through low pants, his thrusts stuttering, “Wouldn’t you love to have me trail one of those daggers over your sensitive skin, sunshine? Perhaps even pierce it a little here and there to show who you belong to~?”

Those last words came out unintentionally but you didn’t feel the need to correct yourself, considering that your possessiveness appeared to be the last straw for San judging by the warmth that filled you as he came, your own orgasm washing over you shortly after. Once you had both caught your breath, he carefully pulled out of you and helped you straighten out your dress after doing the same to his own clothes.

You implying that he was yours was undoubtedly a matter to be discussed, but for now, you two had a masquerade to return to. As such, San handed your mask back to you after having previously stored it in one of his jacket pockets. You both secured your masks back on your faces so that your identities were concealed once more, although San decided to not pull his hood back up.

He unlocked the balcony door before turning to you with a teasing albeit charming smile, holding his hand out for you to take, “Will you let me have this dance, m’lady~?”

You found it amusing how quickly he could switch back to his professional persona, placing your hand in his own regardless, “It’d be my pleasure~”

He led you back inside of the large, well-lit ballroom where no one was any the wiser of what had transpired mere minutes ago, your dress swaying slightly while you danced with San, a small grin painted on your features.

You ended up getting to bed incredibly late, almost stumbling out of it the next morning before quickly making yourself presentable after being requested in the throne room by His Highness himself, wondering what it could possibly be about.

You ran into San on the way there, finding out that he had been called to see the prince as well. Pushing the heavy wooden door open, you weren’t particularly surprised to find it empty besides the presences of you, your companion and Yeosang, who had placed his crown on a pedestal near himself.

Letting his emotionless facade crack a bit, he gave a small smile when he saw the two of you kneel before him as it was custom for the subordinates or the royal family.

“Those who want to wear the crown need to prove they are able to bear its weight.”

Yeosang’s voice rang out through the room, causing you and San to look at each other questioningly and then back up at him in confusion. The older male had never been more glad to not have any other of his court officials or guards besides the two of you inside of his throne room, relieved that he could be blunt about his message.

“I’m sure you both are aware of how I came to be where I am presently, yes?” You both nodded in response. “Then you know my mother was not a true queen and slept her way to the throne. Hell, I’m even a bastard child - her husband was not my father. In short... she was a whore.”

San gasped quietly next to you in surprise at the word choice, causing you to nudge him gently to remind him to focus and listen.

“I don’t want to keep the two of you here any longer than necessary,” the unrightful prince leaned forward, his weight still resting on the arm he had previously propped himself up on, “My coronation is set to be held eleven days from now. Whichever of you comes up with the better plan to cover up my ‘coincidental’ disappearance by then gets to claim the throne.”

It was a tempting offer, that much you had to admit, but it sounded almost too good to actually be true.

“Your Highness-” “Please drop the formalities Y/n, you’ve known me since I was a little child.” The young man in question corrected softly as you cleared your throat with an understanding nod, “Are you sure this will work out as you intend it to? I’m not sure anyone would believe one of your royal guards to be allowed to inherit the crown just like that...”

“Y/n. Surely you’ve noticed how desperate the people are for a ruler who stands with them, even with all the time you spend working? They’ll accept just about anyone. As long as neither of you exposes the truth about any part of my family... do we have a deal?”

San looked at you and met your eyes, lingering for a few beats before getting up from his knees with you following suit as you looked up at the prince and spoke in unison, always up for a challenge - especially if it just so happened to come with a high reward like this one did, “We have a deal.”

“That’s what I like to hear. Now off you two go, there is work to be done~” Yeosang hummed, you and your ‘companion’ bowing respectfully and nodding before turning on your respective heels.

San pulled his hood back over his head and glanced at you with a smug grin that you happily mirrored, both of you making a run for it out of the throne room.

After all, it was only a matter of time and of who created the most perfect illusion, aware that only one of you would come out on top.

----- Taglist (tell me if you wanna be added):

@atinykitty​ @cometoceantrenches @ddeonghwva  @galaxteez @latte-fairytaekwoon @little-precious-baby @multidreams-and-desires @nightqueennyx​ @twancingyunhoe​  @vocalyunho @yunhoiseyecandy

Network tag:

@8makes1teamnet​

[bonestructureandcontempt]

40+ hours into Cyberpunk 2077, I've been thinking a lot on the "is this game transphobic?" discourse. I enjoy the game a lot. It's the perfect game for me in a lot of ways. And I would say it has possibly one of the best examples of a transwoman in a AAA videogame ever. But unfortunately, it has some jarring limitations on player agency and roleplay opportunities. Limitations that are directly tied to your player character's gender. Limitations that I think shouldn't be there and wouldn't be there if the developers put a little more thought into character creation.

I realize I am a couple years late to the party with this take but man, tying your character's pronouns to what their voice sounds like is a really dumb idea. Especially when we live in a world where the Saints Row games exist and found a way to sidestep this issue. Why CDPR couldn't just copy them is beyond me.

I'm a cis man, so take my opinions with a grain of salt (or don't listen to them at all), but I feel like there's three ways to alleviate this issue:

Write and record in-game dialogue to include every combination of pronouns. Voice tone, body parts, and pronouns are all their own slider that don't affect each other. Possibly more labor intensive, but guarantees more freedom in character creation to players.

Pull an Animal Crossing. Don't even bother having NPCs acknowledge the player character's geneder. Every player character is they/them. Not a perfect solution, may prove alienating to some.

Have I mentioned just straight up copying how Saints Rows does character creation? It's pretty great. Voice, clothing, and appearance isn't locked to gender in ANY WAY. Doesn't allow for pronouns other than he/him or she/her, but still pretty inclusive.

Still, despite the botched character creation, I can't write Cyberpunk off completely because Claire Russell exists. Think back to Krem Aclassi in Dragon Age: Inquisition. Many would say that he is good trans representation. Many would also say it is slightly undercut by the fact that you, the player, find out he is a trans man by asking an insensitive question about his transition. Krem is voiced by Jennifer Hale, a cis woman.

And then in Cyberpunk there's Claire Russell. You can find out she's a trans woman in two ways. The first is you can read her bio in the pause menu. The second is she will mention her transition while explaining her backstory about wanting to avenge her husband who tragically died in a street racing accident. This is shared of her own volition with no opportunity for the player to treat her any differently because she is trans whatsoever. You may only choose whether or not you wish to complete her questline. Claire is voiced by Maddie Taylor, a trans woman.

I love Claire, she's a great character. It would be disingenuous of me to say that the developers didn't put care into creating and writing her. It is nice to imagine that even in a future as dystopic as 2077's, gender affirming care happens and isn't questioned or commented on. But then again, as Stacey Henley pointed out, Claire stands out because she is the only known trans person in Night City period. The rest of the city exists squarely on the gender binary and assumes you do as well no matter how you make your character.

This isn't me "canceling" Cyberpunk or telling you not to play it if you're interested in it. As stated before, I love playing the game. This is what we call "good faith criticism." I think games like this can and should be improved upon to better represent the real world and the real people who play it.

I'd be lying if I said all this didn't spring to mind in the wake of another action RPG coming out this year set in the universe created by perhaps the most well-known transphobe in the world today.

[ariel-seagull-wings]

TOP 12 SNOW WHITE PORTRAYALS

@princesssarisa​ @superkingofpriderock​ @sunlit-music​ @mademoiselle-princesse​ @amalthea9​ @theancientvaleofsoulmaking​ @astrangechoiceoffavourites​ 

Lips red as blood. Skin white as snow. Hair black as ebony. The fairest woman of all.

Snow White is one of the most iconic fairy tale characters ever created. And also  one of the hardest to portray. This happens because, the story is less about her as a person, and more about following her exploration of the world and how this world reacts to her. The tale calls her a princess, but really she is more meant to be a common everygirl for a variety of readers and audiences to see themselves in. So the greatest challenge to portray the character becomes how to make at the same time universally relatable, and an individual character, and today, i’d like to share my favorite portrayals, that camed closer in acomplishing this goal.

12º Laura Berlin in Sechs Auf Einen Streich (2009)

Berlin’s Snow White acts as an outgoing, playfull young lady who deep down is trying to deal with the longing for her dead mother. And then, her father marries a new, vain and cruel woman, and sayed woman orders that the portrait of the previous queen be trown out, wich obviously makes the princess verbally snap against her father weak-willed and her tyranical stepmother. And then her father has a stroke and her stepmother orders her death. Here is a young lady in an emotinal turmoil and distress, wich makes her very relatable to audiences.

11º Nicola Stapleton and Sarah Paterson in Canon Movie Tales: Snow White (1987)

One of the first times that we see the fair princess explicitly growing up from child to young adult. Nicola Stapleton is probably more charismatic as child! Snow White, having more time on scene where she gets to sing with her father, explore the room where her stepmother keeps the magic mirror, until finally having to run trough the woods and meeting the dwarfs, but Sarah Paterson also makes adult! Snow White likable, singing about her desire to someday leave the dwarfs house because she is growing and may need her own space, and showing the doubt between fear and curiosity in her interactions with her disguised stepmother. This highlights more the themes of coming of age and confronting ones fears from the tale.

10º Yuri Amano/Donatella Fanfani/Eileen Stevens in The Legend of Snow White (1994)

In this italian-japanese coproduced anime, the twelve year old Snow White is an inquisitive, merry and kind girl, that has to adapt to a more scary reality when she has to run away from the castle to not be killed. At the dwarfs house, where she is so hungry and tired she takes all bread from a basket and sleeps for hours, she decides to give her hazelnuts and try to do shores to compensate for entering the house and eating the bread. Unfortunally, being a princess who lived in comfort all her life, she fails hard when she tries to do domestic shores, burning bread and cutting lettuce that she tought were garden plagues. But she is so sweet and kind, that it doesn’t matter. Conquering the affection of people for who she is, and not for what she can do in exchange, is the greatest strenght of this encarnation.

09º Elizabeth McGovern in Faerie Tale Theatre (1984)

A lonely girl who just wants some atention and love. Those are the characteristics that McGovern’s Snow White extablishes for herself in her first appearance, trying to impress her stepmother with juggling tricks learned with the Court Jester. Later, in the forest, when she is about to be stabbed, she prays to God for the soul of the Huntsman who is about to kill her, and to her surprise this act of kindness is what changes the Huntsman’s heart and convinces him to spare her life. In the woods she finds the dwarfs cottage, and can finally have friends to talk about things like her nostalgia for swiming in the castle moat/pit. She won’t feel alone again. 

08º Kristin Kreuk in Snow White: The Fairest of them All (2001)

In this Hallmark TV Movie, Kreuk gives a 16 year old Snow White who searches friendship in garden gnomes. In a way, she expands the theme of loneliness explored by McGovern, and goes deeper about it, relating sayed loneliness with beauty: she is an awkward and melancholic person, who feels that people only care with her pretty appearance, but don’t actually come close to truly meet her as a person. In a lesser hand, this idea of a person who thinks being considered beautifull is hard could sound absurd and over dramatic, but the screenwriters and Kreuk’s sincere performance make it a compelling dilema.

07º Natalie Minko in Schneewitchen (1992)

An energetic fifteen year old, who likes to run around to play with the Court Jester, and mess up the kitchen while doing pancakes that glue in the ceiling. Minko’s Snow White is one of the few Snow White’s who is allowed to act as a normal teenager: she makes messes, she sometimes verbally fights with people, she constantly questions the adults around her, all the wille still being a genuinelly kind hearted person pursuing the path of truth.

06º Tamara Rojo in Emilio Aragon’s Blancanieves (2005)

I loved watching the DVD of this ballet production over and over as a kid. Trough dance movements, Tamara Rojo gives us a gracious and fun princess. Whetever she goes, a party will always start.

05º Adriana Caselotti in Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

My first portrayal of Snow White. The Disney version was raised working as a palace scullery maid, wich her stepmother hoped would make her ugly. But that didn’t work. She grows beautifull in body and soul: her singing voice is so sweet it is enough to make a dashing Prince fall in love with her, the animals are always engaged by her joyfull and sassy conversations, and she has a firm way of talking that assures a position of leadership among both the animals and the dwarfs who later befriend her. Really, she is awesome. What can i say about her that hasn’t been sayed already?

04º Marguerite Clark in Snow White (1916)

The version that inspired Walt Disney to make his version. Based on a 1912 stage play, this is the version that extablished being raised as a palace scullery maid as the reason Snow White is good with domestic tasks despite being a rich princess. Clark’s Snow White is also compassionate, sweet, romantic and dreamy, and she mix those qualities with some energy and spunkiness, being an almost wild girl.

03º Carol Heiss in Snow White and The Three Stooges (1961)

The sass, spunkiness and sweet romanticism are back, but with a new adition: an athletic hobby. Carol Heiss was originally a golden medal winner olimpic ice skater, and this movie was made to capitalize in her popularity at the time (along with reviving the Three Stooges popularity). So, we extablish in this version that the heroine who is linked to the snow loves the winter, and one of the most popular sports in this season. No other version before or after that did this, even tough its the most obvious and most awesome thing to do with the character. Ad to that the (uncredited) singing voice dubbed by Norma Zimmer, and you have one of the most complete portrayals of Snow White: she is beauty, she is grace, she can sing, she can cook and she can ice skate. She is the most interesting woman that ever lived.

02º Sakiko Tamagawa/Julie Maddalena in Grimm’s Fairy Tale Classics (1989)

Orphaned from her mother at birth and having a father who is always too busy rulling the kingdom to pay attention to her, this version of Snow White grows up raised by a nurse named Doris, and playing on the garden with a young boy named Klaus. Her favorite pass time is to climb trees to pick apples, her favorite fruit. But one day her stepmother, who for years has been ignoring her, calls the princess to her chamber, and asks if she thinks herself to be most beautifull than the Queen. Annoyed with the absurd of the question, Snow White calls her stepmother out in her vanity. What follows is her running away, having to survive as a fugitive. Getting lost from her Klaus and stumbling in a root, she crawls for her life, until being saved by the seven dwarfs and their wolf friends. Time passes, and she finds a bit of fullfilment while slowly learning to do domestic chores to help the dwarfs, and finding friendship in the wolfs and a giant black bear. But she still craves to reunite with her friend Klaus and to find some love, while the Queen’s menace lures in the air.

And now the moment everyone was expecting... My number one favorite portrayal of Snow White is:

01º Camryn Manhein in The 10th Kingdom (2000)

I know what are you thinking: “Wait, a two episode cameo in a tv minisseries, instead of a protagonist, this is your favorite”? Yes. Yes, she is. In the Hallmark minisseries The 10th Kingdom, a young lady from the real world comes to the magical world to help to disenchant a Prince that has been turned into a dog. This dog prince is Snow White’s grandson. And then the heroes arrive at the Dragon Mountain in the 09th Kingdom, and Virginia has a conversation with the spirit of the late Snow White for counsel. And Snow White counsels Virginia by simply telling her story of once being an afrayed, lonely lost girl in the woods, finding new friends in the dwarfs, suffering three murder attempts from her stepmother, being aesleep for years with the poisoned apple in her troat, until the Prince’s servants stumbled with her casket so she could trow away the apple piece, so she could finally live happily ever after. While she narrates the tale, she says that she knew the danger presented by the ribbons, the comb and the apple, but she also knew that she could hide in the dwarfs cottage, afrayed to be hurt, forever. And her husband was a good man, but she saved herself from death. With that dialogue, Manheim’s sensitive and wise Snow White ressignified the fairy tale for me, making me appreciate better the story and her character. And that is why she my number one portrayal of the fairest princess of all.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Elke Arendt in Schneewitchen (1955), Maresa Hörbiger in Schneewitchen (1971) and Elaine Bilstad as White Snow in Happily Ever After: Fairy Tales for Every Child (1995).

[thephantomchronicles]

“Mmmm… no getting up, only cuddles.” For willex please 🥰

Thank you for the ask!

ao3 link here

comforting cuddles prompts

Guess who's back...👀

The loud buzzing coming from the phone on his right, woke Alex right up. He groaned a little, still tired, but also pretty much used to it by now. The days he actually got to sleep in, were not as frequent as he’d like.

He tried to turn around and turn the alarm off, however forgetting that he didn’t live alone and the other apartment resident wasn’t exactly excited about his inclination to wake up at the crack of dawn on certain days. Which honestly meant 8 am. The sun was clearly up there.

“Willie-” Alex started to say.

“No,” Willie answered, burying his face on the back of Alex’s neck, the arms around Alex’s waist holding him tighter.

Alex stretched his arm out as much as he could, successfully turning the alarm off and slumped right back. Willie didn’t make any more noise, so he tried again. “I have to-”

“Mmmm… No getting up, only cuddles,” Willie murmured again, making no move to help.

“And I would love that, but I really do have to go to the Institute today.”

“You can try,” Willie said, his voice now coming out clearer behind him.

Alex didn’t even try to hide his smile, knowing that Willie couldn’t see him. “What are you gonna say when the rescue parties come for me?”

“That waking up at 8 am on a Saturday is a fucking crime,” Willie said. Well, he might actually have a point on that.

“I don’t even have to go on patrol tonight. I’ll be back early. Evening at the latest.”

“Hmm, okay,” Willie relented, releasing him from the death grip. “Have fun at the Institute.”

Alex should have been relieved. But he also knew his boyfriend far better than that. He turned around to face him with an inquisitive look. “What’s your endgame?”

“No endgame,” he said nonchalantly. “I honestly wish you try and have fun.”

“I’m not buying that. You’ve never given up so fast before.”

“Well, I figured I should cut my losses before it’s too late. Also, you’re about to receive a lot more pressure, so whatever I say doesn’t really matter.”

“What-” Alex started to say when he heard it too. “Oh, this is playing dirty…”

“Not my fault I have good hearing,” Willie said with a little smirk and Alex turned around just in time to see Matt shuffling inside and climbing on their bed, sitting in between them.

“You’re awake!” the four year old said, surprised, but definitely excited over said fact.

“Some of us more than others,” Willie said, still smiling.

No, if anything, Alex blamed himself. Because Matt would randomly appear on their bed on some mornings and now Alex had to convince him too to let him go.

“Can we make breakfast before you go to the Institute?” Matt asked instead.

Willie’s mouth dropped open while Alex just grinned from ear to ear. He'd definitely hadn't expected as much, but he just loved what was happening here.

“Of course we can, I still have time,” he said.

“I’m sorry, what’s happening here?” Willie cut in.

“He’s a little Shadowhunter is what’s happening here,” Alex said, suddenly sitting up a little and pulling Matt against him, making him squeal in surprise. He kissed the top of his head and turned to Willie. “See? He gets it. Shadowhunters need to go to the Institute every so often.”

“To protect people,” Matt agreed with a nod, turning around in Alex’s arms to look at Willie as well who still just seemed caught off guard.

“Exactly,” Alex said, resting his head on top of his, satisfied with the turn of events.

“I see what’s happening here,” Willie said, squinting at them. “I’ve been betrayed because of Shadowhunter solidarity.”

“I wouldn’t say-” Alex started only to get cut off.

“Betrayed,” Willie said resolutely, poking Matt’s nose and making him giggle. "By both of you. I am crushed."

“Don’t be sad, I’ll stay with you,” Matt said, making Alex’s heart melt a little. He just loved that little kid so much. It hadn't even been that long and they'd all adjusted into such a different routine... But Alex really couldn't see their lives any other way now.

“Okay, I think it’s impossible to stay sad after such an offer,” Willie answered with a little smile. He felt exactly the same, Alex knew.

“See? Early mornings are not that bad,” Alex said and looked down at Matt. “What do you want for breakfast?”

“Pancakes!” Matt cheered with no hesitation, throwing his hands up in the air.

“That sounds good, but it might take a bit more time…” Willie said.

“That’s okay,” Alex said, not able to wipe the smile off his face as he let Matt go and they both got up. “I can be a little late to the Institute today.”

[letssingintherain]

mirage ➵ d.m.

sequel to empty dreams!

pairing: draco malfoy x y/n (slytherin)

summary: you struggle dealing with the breakup with blaise and draco's secret crush becomes painfully obvious. after one night of drunken confessions, your relationship with draco is pushed to a breaking point. 

contains: 4.1k+ words of angst, fluff, and a sprinkle of ~tension~. a few curse words. 

song recs: up in this - blackbear & tinashe (for the party scene), tomorrow tonight - loote

The alarm clock went off at precisely eight o’clock in the morning. 

You groaned as you rolled around in bed without opening your eyes, throwing your hands around trying to locate the alarm. The clock’s screeching got louder the longer it was ignored and you heard it hop around the dorm, waking up the rest of the girls.  

“Someone please stop it before my ears start bleeding.” You gave up trying to look for the accursed clock, hoping someone else would help out. 

Daphne covered her ears with her pillow and gingerly kicked the leg of Pansy’s bed. Pansy’s hair was in a ruffled braid as she sat up slowly and groggily pointed her wand to the direction of the noise.

“Bombarda.” A dark jet of magic blasted the nightstand where the clock had hopped behind with a loud bang, completely obliterating the clock along with the nightstand and denting the stone floor underneath it. 

“Pansy!” You yelped, rushing over to check how much damage was done. The corner where the nightstand previously stood was now pitch black and covered with soot. A small pile of burnt wood let out soft billows of smoke and a tiny piece of the enchanted clock trembled on top of it. 

“We said stop it, not destroy the entire room!” You said incredulously. Daphne chortled while clutching her pillow to her stomach, bending over in fits of laughter. Pansy started wheezing too, fully awake now, “Sorry, it was the first spell that came to mind! And it worked pretty well, didn’t it?”

All three of you laughed until you were borderline crying, finding the situation extremely hilarious.

It felt nice to laugh with your friends because it seemed like all you were doing lately was cry and wallow in your misery. A month had passed after Blaise broke up with you, and you swore you saw his eyes linger on a Ravenclaw girl when the houses shared classes. 

You were assaulted with a plethora of emotions everyday, ranging from anger and jealousy, to heartache and gloom, to disappointment and bitterness. You hated that Blaise had this effect on you, and you especially hated that he seemed completely fine. 

After finally getting the laughter out of your system, you walked over to clean up the messy corner. It was clear that the nightstand and the alarm clock were damaged to the point of no return, so all you could do was get rid of the remnants and scrub the area with your wand. 

You finished freshening up the area with a content smile and backed away in time to hear someone knocking hastily at the door. Daphne dashed off her bed and skipped over to open it. 

You were all surprised to see Draco standing at the doorway. The tall platinum-blonde boy wearing a clean white tee with baggy gray sweatpants was peering anxiously in the room, as if he was expecting to see some terrible monster. 

His outfit triggered a memory in the back of your head, reminding you of when you accidentally cuddled with him thinking he was Blaise. You blush a little at the memory, remembering the feeling of him pulling you tighter and his head resting on yours. 

You then unintentionally reminisced about the many nights where you sneaked into Blaise’s bed. “Can’t think of anything without reminding myself of that asshole,” You thought bitterly. 

Draco briefly met your eyes and you noted the gray-ish blue hues. What you didn’t notice was his quick glance over your pajamas and his slight blush. 

“What was that noise?” Draco asked inquisitively, casually leaning against the doorframe since he couldn’t enter the room. You all share amused glances. 

“Pansy blasted our clock to smithereens.” You disclose and couldn’t help but giggle at the statement. It somehow sounded sillier when you said it out loud. Pansy threw her pillow at you, embarrassed that her antics were being put on blast. 

“What’d I tell you mate, I knew Parkinson was the source of the noise.” Theodore popped up behind Draco, smirking at the three girls. Pansy crossed her arms indignantly, “And I knew we couldn’t go an hour without hearing some snarky remark from Nott.”

You and Daphne roll your eyes, not ready to hear their bickering this early in the morning. 

Draco let out an amused breath from his nose, “Alright, if there’s nothing wrong I’m gonna go change into my Quidditch uniform. We’re going to make the Gryffindors wish they were never born.” He winked playfully at you before turning around to head back to his room. You felt heat rush to your face at his cheekiness. 

“Draco paced outside the room for like ten minutes before knocking, by the way,” Theodore grinned, walking backwards with his hands in his pockets so he could face you all while talking. “Poor bloke looked like a first-year standing outside a girl’s dorm.”

“Shut up, Nott!” Draco yelled from the Common Room. 

You all chuckled lightheartedly, enjoying the joking atmosphere. Today was Slytherin’s quidditch match against Gryffindor and even though you dreaded seeing Blaise play for the first time after you two broke up, you couldn’t help but give in to the contagious excitement radiating from your friends. 

You brushed through your [y/h/c] hair and took your Slytherin jumper out of the tall mahogany closet. You smiled at the sight of Daphne and Pansy chattering excitedly as they put on makeup and silently declared that you wouldn’t let Blaise ruin your perfectly good day. 

...

You shivered as you held on to Daphne and Pansy, pushing through the crowd of other students to get to the front of Slytherin’s Quidditch stand. Theodore stood in front of you three and helped part the way, mumbling to himself, “Can’t believe I’m the only guy in the bloody friend group who isn’t on the Quidditch team.”

You laugh lightly at his remark, pulling your heavy coat tighter and tugging your green and silver scarf to cover the bottom half of your face. The winter air was biting and merciless, blowing your hair in various directions. 

“What a terrible day to have a Quidditch match.” Daphne complained while attempting to keep her headband from moving out of place. 

“I really hope the guys will be okay.” Pansy looked at the gloomy sky worriedly. You follow her gaze, frowning at the weather. Then you see peeks of green enter the field right before they soar into the air. 

You all whoop and cheer the loudest you could for Slytherin’s Quidditch team. The team passes the stand briefly and your eyes meet Blaise’s brown ones. Your heart dropped at the indifference they showed. He used to blow cheeky kisses at you and even perform goofy tricks on his broom just to see your amused expression. Now his eyes are devoid of showing any emotion towards you, as if you two never dated. 

Theodore winced, clearly feeling the tension. Pansy slapped him lightly on his arm, not wanting to bring any attention to the situation. 

You couldn’t stop the tears from pricking your eyes or the feeling of your throat closing up. Daphne pulled you a little closer and rubbed your shoulder in a comforting manner. You gave her an appreciative smile before standing up a little taller and straightening your jumper, remembering your determination to not let the sight of Blaise ruin your day. 

Tears fill up your eyes but you lift your chin up defiantly, wanting to gain some control of your emotions. You look up to the flurry of green that was the Quidditch team just in time to see Draco zooming past the stand. He gave you all a little wave before directing a wide-toothed grin at you. Your friends noticed this and teasingly rattle you, exclaiming at this special treatment. 

Your friends have been more than supportive after the breakup. They made sure that you didn’t dwell on negative thoughts and that they were always there for you when you needed to vent your emotions. However, Draco was especially sweet. When you all visited Hogsmeade together he made sure to pay for your butterbeer and all of your snacks from Honeydukes. 

“You know, if you really like these types of gummies tell me, because Mum gets them imported from Germany.” Draco says in his best attempt at a casual tone and gestures to the small pile of gummy worms he was helping you carry. He shifts them for better balance and looks down to meet your eyes. 

You pursed your lips and smiled at him. “Mrs. Malfoy must have great taste then.” 

Your eyes crinkled at the fond memory and you quickly wiped away the tears sliding down your face, forcing a wide smile on your face. You joined in with the boisterous cheers and resolved to focus on the game that was about to start. 

...

The impact of Slytherin’s victory against Gryffindor was pervasive. 

No one could focus in class, whether they were giddy about the win or sulking about the loss. Even the professors were not immune from the effects; a third-year swore they saw Snape offer a glimmer of a smile when he was talking about the Quidditch win. 

As the night rolled around, students in the hallways discussed excitedly in hushed murmurs about the insane party that was bound to happen in the dungeons tonight. Admittance would be extremely selective, if not impossible, for students in other houses.

Draco and Blaise sauntered down the fleets of stairs to the dungeon, obviously about to be the stars of the party. Draco unbuttoned the top few buttons of his white long-sleeve shirt from his uniform and had his green tie hanging loosely around the collar along with black slim-fit pants. Blaise also wore his white button-up shirt but rolled up his sleeves and tied his dark jumper around his neck. 

After they reached the end of the last set of stairs, Blaise stopped short of the entrance and leaned against the stone wall. Draco raised an eyebrow quizzically at his actions.  

“I invited the Ravenclaw girl that I told you about. She’s pretty fit, don’t you think?” Blaise smirked and turned his head to check if anyone was coming. 

Though he knew Blaise tended to be pretty careless, he didn’t expect him to have such little compassion for your feelings. Draco snorted in disbelief, “You do realize that Y/N’s going to be at the party, right?” 

“So? We broke up like a month ago, so it’s not like I’m cheating or anything,” Blaise crossed his arms defensively, eyeing Draco with curiosity. “Why do you suddenly care so much?”

“Because she’s our friend! You can’t just treat friends like this, Blaise!” Draco frustratedly threw his hands up in the air. 

Blaise fixed Draco with a stare without saying anything for quite a while. “I think you fancy her.” He finally concluded.

Draco blushed, but didn’t deny his claim. 

“It’s okay, mate. I mean, you don’t have my ‘blessing’ or anything weird like that, but I wouldn’t hate you if you made a move on her.” Blaise shrugged, half amused and half nonchalant. 

Draco let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding. He leaned on the stone wall across from Blaise and the two remain in that position for a while, both deep in thought. 

“I really did like her. Y/N, I mean.” Blaise looked up the stairs, avoiding eye contact with Draco. “But it’s not about that. And to be honest, I don’t think I’ll ever settle down.” He stared into the distance at nothing in particular. 

“So I guess I didn’t want to waste any more of her time.” Blaise gave one final shrug before spotting the Ravenclaw girl he invited walking down the stairs. He smiled at the sight and began to walk up the stairs to greet her before looking back at Draco. 

“See you later?” Blaise flashed a wide grin at Draco. Draco couldn’t help but return the grin, recognizing the obvious delight on Blaise’s face. 

“Can you at least try to avoid flaunting her in front of Y/N?” Draco requested.  

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll do my best.” Blaise rolled his eyes and proceeded up the stairs, leaving Draco to enter the dungeon alone. 

...

Meanwhile, two Slytherin girls from the same group are having a similar discussion.

You and Daphne were adding final touches for the party as muffled sounds of bass-heavy music seeped in your dorm room. Pansy had already left to god-knows-where accompanied by Theodore, so it was just the two of you. 

You swiped on lipstick before skillfully smudging the edges. Daphne glanced at you briefly as she brushed through her hair, obviously wanting to say something. 

“Daph, you’ve been looking at me at a rate of about five times every minute, and I’m very flattered, but please tell me what you’re thinking about.” You finally face Daphne in the large vanity mirror you were both looking at, curious about whatever was occupying her mind. 

Daphne sighed and set down her vintage hair brush. She contemplated before choosing her words carefully, “I think...Draco might fancy you.” 

You set down your lipstick on the counter, not sure how to respond. You also have felt the signs that Draco’s actions weren’t exactly platonic, but you avoided facing it because you didn’t know how to. 

It’s not like you didn’t find Draco attractive. Honestly, there probably wasn’t a single girl or guy in your house who didn’t find him attractive. There was something about his disdainful yet charismatic personality that set him apart from everyone else. 

But the breakup was only a month ago and it was still way too soon for you to catch feelings for anyone else. 

“I think I’ll just deal with it when I absolutely have to.” You sigh, checking the mirror a final time to make sure everything looked right. Daphne didn’t push a response from you and put on a layered silver necklace.

You admired how your dark green spaghetti strap dress accentuated your curves while still looking casual. She looked fit as well, wearing a dark green button-up crop top with a white tennis skirt. You both had black tights on to better fit the dress code of the party. 

You initially wondered if you were overdressed but you kept the tight dress on since you wanted to leave an impression on some people.

"Ready to go?” Daphne tilted her head towards the door of the dorm, smiling mischievously thinking about the night ahead of them. 

You returned the smile and headed in the direction of the thumping bass, adrenaline rushing through your veins. 

“Let’s get fucking wasted.” 

...

The party truly lived up to the hype, with hundreds of people jostling each other in the common room. The entire space reeked of sweat and alcohol, and the music was almost deafening. 

You sit alone on a wooden table with your legs crossed as you sipped firewhiskey, taking a break from dancing. Your brain buzzed from your drinks and you lost count of how many shots you’ve taken. The place was so packed that you barely saw anyone from your friend group throughout the entire night. There were quite a few tipsy boys who asked to dance, but you coolly declined all of them. 

It took a very specific type of person to catch your attention. 

A crowd near the fireplace hollered, apparently egging on someone from the Quidditch team. The group of people in front of you part momentarily and you catch a glimpse of a tall boy with white-blonde hair chugging down alcohol. 

Draco finished the bottle and wiped his lips with the back of his hand. The students around him proceeded to take shots to accompany his feat. As if he felt you staring, he turned and met your eyes. The crowds of dancing people seemed to move in slow-motion and the music sounded muffled for an instant as you two simply looked at each other, neither person breaking eye contact. 

His eyes went wide taking in your appearance and you felt your heart involuntarily skip a beat as his eyes glance over your body. You saw his Adam’s apple bob down as he took a gulp and you couldn’t help but feel a boost of confidence. 

He set the bottle down and dismissed the people around him, making his way through the crowd in your direction. You slowly grazed the rim of your cup with a lazy finger while maintaining eye contact with Draco. His jaw clenched as he approached you slowly, stopping about two feet away.

“Hey, Y/N.” He cleared his throat slightly.

“Hey, Draco.” You put down your cup and looked up at him through your lashes, enjoying your impact on him. 

“You look...stunning.” He let out breathlessly and kept respectful eye contact, fighting the urge to look down. 

“You don’t look too shabby yourself.” You tugged on his loose tie to pull him close enough for your noses to almost touch. You knew you were being reckless, but the alcohol in your bloodstream emboldened you and demanded you to act on your desires. 

Draco almost tripped before pressing his hand on the wall behind you, trying to avoid falling on top of you. 

“Y/N, you’re drunk.” He could almost taste the alcohol wafting off of your body since he was barely five inches away from your face. 

“No shit, Sherlock.” You reply in a lilting tone. You kept your hold on the tie and admired the color pairing and expensive material in a drunken haze. Draco’s eyes flickered down to your pouty lips, suddenly very conscious of the proximity and his hammering heart. 

You finally let go of his tie, amused at his flustered expressions. Draco stood up and straightened his tie, his porcelain face tainted with shades of pink. 

“Hm, who would’ve known that the Slytherin prince could be so hot and bothered?” You teased and reached out your hand to ruffle his already messy hair. 

He held on to your wrist before leaning down to smirking at you, suddenly gaining back his usual assertiveness. “I can be whatever you want me to be, princess.” 

You were about to give a snide retort before you spotted a familiar face entering the common room. 

Blaise held the hips of a girl, whispering in her ear as they made their way through the crowd. 

Draco noticed your change of expression and slowly let go of your wrist. He turned around and realized what had caused the change. You froze on the table, unable to look at anything else but the sight of your ex-boyfriend with a new girl. 

Tears blurred your eyes and you saw the memories of Blaise dancing with his hands on your hips overlapping with the cruel reality of him dancing with another girl. He had clearly moved on, yet you were still stuck on the past. 

You abruptly chucked your cup of firewhiskey at the floor and leaped off the table before Draco could stop you. You stormed towards Blaise, overcome by the urge to confront him. 

His back faced you and he had his arm around the Ravenclaw girl’s waist as he chatted loftily with some Slytherins. You tapped his shoulder and he turned around, looking a little surprised but otherwise unbothered. 

“Fuck you, Blaise.” Tears started streaming down your face and even though you knew your mascara would be smudged after you finished talking to him, you didn’t care. There was so much more that you wanted to get off your chest, but it took such a toll out of you just to utter those two words that you could only say them in your head. 

Fuck you for making me feel special. Fuck you for breaking up with me and rubbing it in my face with another girl. Fuck you for being so goddamn emotionless when I feel like I’m shattering inside. 

Blaise finally had the decency to look a little apologetic, “I’m sorry, Y/N, I didn’t know you would care this much.” The girl eyed you curiously, making silent assumptions. 

You suddenly felt overwhelmed at the awkwardness of the situation. The people around you went silent, observing the interaction apathetically. Feeling ashamed at your outburst, you flipped Blaise off and headed out the common room.

You stepped into the stone hallways of Hogwarts and took in a sharp breath. The freezing temperature was unforgiving against your bare skin and you were rash enough to not bring a coat. You hugged your sides and stubbornly took a few steps up the stairs. 

“It’s kind of dumb to not wear a coat in this weather, Y/N.” You felt the warmth of a heavy garment over your shoulders and you look over to meet Draco’s stormy gray eyes. 

You scoff, embarrassed that he had to watch everything but grateful that he decided to follow you out with a coat. 

“You’re kind of like my Prince Charming, you know?” You gave him a closed-mouth smile as you wiped the tears off of your face. 

“I’d be honored to be your Prince Charming.” He grinned as he tucked his hands in his pockets and matched your pace up the stairs. 

You two walked together down the hallways in silence until Draco asked where you were going. 

“I want to see the flowers,” You confessed sheepishly, pulling the coat tighter so it wouldn’t fall off you. You lifted up the side of the coat and sniffed softly. 

“You always smell good, Draco.” You complimented and looked over to check his expression. 

He blushed and muttered under his breath in a noise level that only he could hear, “You too.” 

...

You hummed happily as you laid down on the springy grass. The grass was wet with condensation, but you really didn’t mind. Draco acted like it took all of his willpower to lie down and winced when he felt the grass dampen his clothes. 

The enchanted wisteria tree extended down its flowers to gently tickle your faces and the star-studded sky peeked through the branches. Silver beams of moonlight glimmered in the darkness, giving the entire garden a tranquil ambience. 

You laid there in the grass for a while, feeling your brain sober up and your emotions calm down. Draco, on the other hand, was starting to feel the full effects of the bottle he downed earlier. 

"I’m sorry for everything Blaise put you through.” His cheeks were pink as he turned his body to face you, propping his head up with a bent arm. 

You stiffened, not ready to talk about Blaise. 

“Draco, I really don’t want to talk about that right now.” You hugged the coat and shivered despite the thickness of the clothing. 

“I just wish..” His eyes stopped on your face fleetingly before turning back to lie on his back. He didn’t finish his thought. 

The long strands of wisteria flowers shake as a sudden gust of wind blew through the garden. A dark gray cloud hid the moon, surrendering you both to the dark and chilly night. 

You begin to get up, wanting to go back to the common room since it was getting even colder and the sky looked like it was about to rain. 

“Y/N, wait.” Draco sat up and held onto your hand, his cold metal ring pressing lightly into your palm. You turned your head to look at him in a puzzled manner. 

You two locked gazes as rain started to drizzle, wetting your hair and coating your skin with a fine mist. 

“Give me a chance.” He finally let out. His stone gray eyes were full of silent determination and yearning, and you could tell it took a lot out of him to say those words.

Your heart ached at his genuine request. You longed to trust him and let him take care of you, and almost wished that he could’ve asked before the entire mess with Blaise occurred. But now irrational doubts clouded your mind and you couldn’t find the courage to accept his plea. 

“How am I supposed to know you won’t be like Blaise?” You whispered, gently withdrawing your hand. 

How am I supposed to know you won’t lead me on with false promises and leave me a broken mess of what I used to be? 

“But how would you know if you never tried?” He said almost timidly, his blonde hair slick and messy. You shook your head with a heavy heart and took off the coat to place it delicately next to him. 

“I’m sorry, Draco.” 

And with that you left him lying in the wet grass, alone except for the heavy coat that smelled like a mixture of both your perfumes. 

a/n: i decided to end this part with some good ol’ angst. 

on another note, i was not expecting empty dreams to do so well! it makes me so happy to know that so many people enjoyed reading my writing. please let me know your thoughts on this part!!

thanks for reading! <3

-k.z.

taglist: @allaboutthatdrummer, @isletsoflou-gerhans, @teardropjohnny, @thefandomplace, @justmesadgirl, @secretaccshh, @reaganwonders​, @kelly182001, @i-ran-out-of-fanfics​.  (shout out to the first people i’ve ever tagged)

you can put yourself on the taglist for this mini-series (or other taglists) through this form! 

[bedlamsbard]

I do all of my plotting in my head, but the vast majority of the complex parts develop as I’m writing, so here are some things that developed well after the story was already in progress (that I remember).  (I do not remember enough about early Gambit to tell you what changed, except that as originally planned, a whole lot more people died.)

cut for length

Backbone

the Crucible (flashbacks and present-day) + most of the Inquisition stuff

Kanan’s relationship and history with the Hunter

all of the Free Ryloth politics

Doriah and Xiaan’s present-day roles

Ojeda and the Lake House subplot

Secchun Fenn and all of the Fenn politics (as well as Thamir Fenn)

Mishaan Secura’s arc and the fallout from that (the assassination attempt was plotted back in late July 2015 but which character did it changed pretty frequently, as well as the setting. I still have drafts of it taking place elsewhere)

Ezra’s role in the story

Barriss being in the story at all

Keto Amersu and everything that came out of that

a large number of Twi’lek secondary and tertiary characters (who probably should have been introduced earlier)

the whole thing at the clearinghouse + Hondo being in the story at all

this story was originally not meant to have so many damn flashbacks

(probably a whole lot more stuff, it’s just been a while and I can’t remember)

there are also some things set up that were never played out because they didn’t really work -- the Kanan/Hera sex tapes, Doriah and Sabine knowing each other on the HoloNet, probably some other things, some Hera and Vader stuff

Yonder

when I wrote chapter 1, Thor was supposed to stay dead. that’s the big one.

this is one of the few times I’ve gone back to make significant edits to a chapter, so, like, if you read the first chapter 1 you know that New Asgard was originally very different and Loki had very little relationship with the Avengers

there was no meeting with 2012 Thor. Loki just punched out his younger self, took the scepter and the Tesseract, and he/Steve/Nat went back to the present day

Steve/Nat/Loki was not planned though I started putting the hints in during Chapter 2. in retrospect I would have made it explicit

same for Steve/Nat

putting in the Endgame battle at all -- if you reread Chapters 1 and 2 you might note that the plan to get the Power Stone there is to get it on Knowhere. it ended up changing back to the canon Morag scenario solely so I could get the Endgame battle in

who showed up to the battle -- at one point it was just going to go as canon and at some point the idea of the Nine Realms all showing up struck me like a bolt of lightning

I played with the idea of Loki using the Gjallerhorn in the traditional sense to summon the dead Asgardians from Valhalla, and that would be his temporary reunion with Thor (actually dead)

Sif coming back

how Thanos died -- at one point it was “fighting with Loki/Thor/Val/Sif”

(I will note that I never considered any version of the second Snap that Endgame uses. It was always going to be a straight-up slaughter of Thanos’s army.)

Yelena was a late addition. I came up with the scene where she crawls into bed with Natasha and the “DID YOU HAVE SEX IN THIS BED” exchange and then had to do the backwards work to make sure she was at the battle so that she could be in New Asgard

(yes, there was originally supposed to be a Steve/Nat scene in that chapter but it didn’t work out)

most of the post-battle chapter -- the Farbauti scene was originally planned to go differently. I wrote a number of different scenes for this and cut most of them.

there was a character who was meant to be introduced (you can see the set-up for his introduction in Chapters 4 and 5) but ultimately it just didn’t work because it shifted the focus too much. (he’ll be a sequel antagonist if there’s a sequel.)

the Asgardian party -- because I hadn’t originally planned to do the Endgame battle everything after Bruce’s Snap wasn’t planned from the start. (this was supposed to be a three-chapter story and Loki was supposed to end it Thor-less.)

Bruce being the one to snap at all post-Hulk. (the Hulk being the Soul Stone sacrifice was planned.)

Carol...you can tell I forgot about Carol in that chapter, I think.

the Thor and Natasha convo was a late addition! I think it was the last scene written, actually.

the last thing I put in this story was making Loki and Natasha stand on a widow’s walk because originally they were just standing directly on the roof. lol.

that that much of Loki’s missing year backstory came out! I was originally hoping to keep it as vague as possible but at some point you just gotta commit.

the ongoing thread about Asgard’s elective monarchy and how devoted Loki is to making sure the Althing actually elected him

I really did at one point consider putting flashbacks to IW in, because it’s me and I love flashbacks.

actually come to think of it the only thing that stayed from the original planning of Yonder was Loki becoming king, Loki punching out 2012 Loki, and the Hulk being the Soul Stone sacrifice.  (Here’s the original post about the concept.)

[bloodbending222]

Could you maybe do a korra x reader where both of them are super obvious about the fact that they like each other, so literally everyone knows except them, then Bolin (haha that just autocorrected to bologna) convinces Korra to finally ask the reader out and it's very fluff? THANK YOOOOOOOUUUUUU.

B O L O G N A

✰ fandom: The Legend of Korra

✰ pairings: Korra x reader

✰ word count: 2k

✰ warning(s): alcohol consumption, tiny steaminess at the end, language

✰ author’s note: this was a lot of fun to do, i thought writing Korra would be a bit challenging for me, but i had a blast writing this! thank you for the request, anon! i really hope you like it :) ♡

please read my rules!!

~

The buzzer for your front door rang again as you fixed your hair in the mirror for the third time, your small apartment filling with its shrill sound.  He was holding the button down this time.  You hated to keep your friend waiting in the cold, but he was the one who opted to wait for you outside rather than coming in.  

The same nervous phrase played in your mind again, Korra’s gonna be at the party.

Groaning, you walked over to your callbox and held down the talk button, “I’m getting my boots on!”

When you opened the front door to your apartment, you were greeted with a very cold gust of wind and a grumpy expression from Bolin. He was shivering, cradling the bottle of cactus juice he brought along as a party favor. He watched you walk out in front of him and started after you. Fluffy snowflakes floated around the two of you in the winter air.

“It’s so cold! How long does it take you to get ready for a party?!”

“Oh, don’t act like you don’t take a century to make yourself look good either, Mr. Hero of the South,” you teased as he caught up with you.

Bolin was quick to defend his fictional persona, puffing out his chest dramatically, “Hey, don’t bring Nuktuk into this.  He’s only ever fashionably late for everything.  You’re just late now because you know that Korra’s gonna be there.”

Bolin’s statement made your face flush bright red.  You wound up your open palm and playfully smacked your friend in the arm, which made him laugh.

“Hey! It’s not my fault you make it so obvious, with the way the two of you are always sitting so close together.  You think you’re slick when you stare at her while she’s not paying attention, too. It’s kind of adorable,” Bolin snickered, “But Asami, Mako, and I can see right through you, [Y/n].”

You looked down at your boots as they tamped down on the fallen snow with every step.  You knew Bolin was right. You were infatuated with Korra from the beginning.  You recalled the day that Bolin introduced you to each other.  He’d introduced her as the Avatar, and she laughed and said, “Unlike Bolin here, I’m not one for formalities. Just call me Korra.”

Her smile was so warm. You felt enchanted by her presence, hesitating to shake her hand when she held it out to you. You remember looking at her and asking yourself, how could someone be so gorgeous?

“You would make a cute couple.”

Bolin’s remark snapped you back into the moment, “What? No way, she’s not into me.”

There was a pause between you two.  Bolin gave you a look that said, You’re so full of shit and you know it.

“Besides,” You stuttered, “even if she did...she’s too busy for a relationship.  She has more important things to worry about.”

The two of you rounded the corner and Bolin remarked as you came to a stop at Asami’s apartment building, “[Y/n], my friend, nothing’s more important than looove.”

You rolled your eyes and Bolin pressed the buzzer marked SATO.

“Who is it?” Asami’s voice inquired over the crackling speaker.

“Republic City Police,” Bolin said in a tough-guy voice, “If you don’t let us in, you’re under arrest.”

“Right away, officers,” Asami replied, and you heard Korra’s laughter in the background.  You swore your heart skipped a beat.

The door buzzed and you let yourselves in, climbing the stairs up to Asami’s unit. She opened the door and was met with a bear-hug from Bolin.  In the living room, you saw Korra turn around and beam at you.  Mako waved at the two of you with a pleased, “Hey, guys,” as he sat on the couch.  

Before you could take off your coat, Korra walked over and embraced you.  You smiled and hugged her back, blushing at your newfound knowledge that your entire friend group somewhat knew about your feelings for her.

“I’m so happy that you’re here, [Y/n].  Asami made snacks, we’ve got games,” she pulled away from the hug and looked at you inquisitively, “How’ve you been? You look great.”

You got a little flustered at Korra’s compliment paired with the physical touch she was giving you so openly.  She wasn’t wearing her normal attire; she had on dark jeans and a blue cardigan sweater with a white halter top underneath.  When you looked at her eyes, you noticed she had mascara on.  

Why do you have to be so pretty? You wanted to say.

“I should be saying that to you, Korra. I like your outfit.”

Not too obvious, [Y/n].

As the two of you finally broke from your hug, Bolin handed Asami the bottle he brought and joined Mako in the living room. Asami offered you a drink, and you accepted.  She poured glasses for everyone and soon all five of you were huddled together around the coffee table in the living room, snacking and chatting amongst each other.

Korra sat down next to you on the floor, while Asami, Mako, and Bolin shared the couch.  Asami set up a couple of games for you all to play, and Bolin insisted that you all have a Pai Sho tournament.  His proposition made you roll your eyes at his predictability, knowing that he had a vendetta against Asami for being so much better than him.  

As you watched your friends go back and forth, Korra went to scoot a little closer to you, making your shoulders touch.  You felt the skin on your arm vibrate under the soft fabric of her sweater.  You could smell the perfume she was wearing; subtle, but so pleasant.  You caught yourself stealing glances at her a couple of times and remembered Bolin teasing you about it earlier in the night. You didn’t care if you would hear it from him again, though. You were just happy to be so close to her.  

Asami crushed both Bolin and Mako at their rounds of Pai Sho. They had decided midway to make it a drinking game, Asami being closer to sober than anyone else in the room.  Mako sunk into the couch and admitted his defeat, empty glass in hand.  Bolin was comically shouting about how Asami had cheated in some far-off way.  She reveled in her victory.  

There was a beat of silence before Mako slowly looked at you and Korra, asking, “You two gonna play at all tonight?”

You and Korra both looked up at the same time, snapped back into the present moment.  The both of you stuttered at the same time something to the effect of, “Oh, no, its okay,” and, “We just want to watch you guys play.”

Bolin couldn’t help but stifle a chuckle, and you shot a glare at him.  He put his hands up innocently and gave you the same look that he did during your conversation earlier.  

Korra suddenly stood up, smiling, “I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Why don’t we find a game to play that we’re all good at while I’m gone, okay?”

As she left, she brushed her hand against your shoulder blade, making you shiver. You wondered if it was on purpose.

~

Korra could hear the group talking outside of the bathroom.  As she opened the door to return to the group, she jumped as Bolin was waiting right outside, leaning against the wall.  He stared at her with a smirk across his lips.

“Jeez, you scared me.  What’s that look for?”

“Oh, no reason,” Bolin said sarcastically, cracking his knuckles, “It’s just that you were taking such a long time in the bathroom, I wanted to check on my good ‘ole pal Korra.”  He threw his arm around her and squeezed, “Hey, so you like [Y/n], right? Like, you wanna be their girlfriend?”

Korra gave him a poorly-faked look of shock, blushing, “What are you talking about?”

Bolin didn’t respond. He just stared blankly at her.

“I mean, I really like hanging out with them, and they’re really nice, and,” She stopped herself, stuttering now,  “We’re just really good friends!”

“Yeah, okay, I believe you. Listen, you should ask them out.”

Korra was taken aback, “You really think they’re gonna--”

“Yes, Korra. I do,” Bolin pointed a thumb toward the open guest bedroom door next to him, “Now, I’m gonna call [Y/n] over and you can go confess your undying love for them in there, okay?”

“Bolin, I’m not--”

“[Y/n], Korra needs you for something!”  

~

You perked up at the sound of Bolin calling you from down the hallway.  Breaking your conversation with Mako and Asami, you walked over to see Korra standing in the doorway of the bathroom and Bolin wearing the same stupid smirk again.  You looked at Korra and smiled.

“Hey, Korra, what’s up? Everything okay?”

Bolin laughed, “It’s about to be!”

You scoffed at him as he marched triumphantly back to the living room, cackling with pride the entire way.  

He left you all alone. With Korra.

“What are we gonna do with him?” You asked, and Korra chuckled.

“I’ve been wondering that for years.”

The two of you shared a laugh, and then her eyes met yours.  And there that feeling was again. With every look you shared with her, you felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest.

But this time you realized that Korra was a little flustered too.  Her cheeks grew pink and she broke eye contact, but only for a second before looking back at you and taking your hand.  

“Um, want to just...sit and talk for a minute?”

Her hand was soft, which you were aware of already. You were obviously used to being a little touchy with each other, but when you got brave, sometimes you’d hold out your hand to her, palm up, and she’d take it in hers.  You didn’t know exactly why you did it in the moment, but whenever you did, it just felt right. It felt so right to be holding her hand in yours.

All you could do was nod. She led you to the bedroom and turned on the lamp on the bedside table.  The two of you sat down, Korra sitting cross-legged and facing you. She let out a long, deep sigh. You watched her as she searched her mind for the right words to say.  She was so cute when she was concentrating.  

She finally spoke, “I’m so happy that you came out tonight. There’s something that I really need to tell you.”

“Is everything alright?” You got a little self-conscious, “Was I being too touchy?”

“No, of course not!” Korra shook her head frantically and held both of your hands in hers, “You could never make me uncomfortable like that.  I really love being around you, [Y/n].”

You smiled and adjusted yourself to come face-to-face with her, “I love spending time with you, too, Korra.”

She paused to find her words again.  There was a beat between you two before she broke the silence.

“I really, really like you, [Y/n].  You make me feel so happy in a way that no one else has made me feel before...” She swallowed her fears and looked at you intently, “Do you want to go out with me?”

You felt fireworks go off in your chest.  All of the anxieties you were feeling from earlier felt like they dissipated in that moment.  You didn’t know how long you were waiting for this moment to come.  

“Yes,” you said, leaving toward her almost on instinct, “Of course I do.”

Korra gave you the biggest smile you’d ever seen on her. She let go of your hands to wrap her arms around you and pull you close to her. You made eye contact again, but only for a moment before she leaned in and kissed you. You were in shock. You had waited for this moment to come for so long, and now it was finally happening.  You returned the kiss to her and wrapped your arms around her shoulders.  You felt like you could never be close enough to her.

You could really smell her perfume now. You reveled in the feeling of finally being able to kiss her like this, unafraid to conceal your feelings for her any longer.  Her lips were soft against yours, and despite the countless times that you imagined this moment to happen, you never could have conceptualized just how euphoric it actually would be.

Eventually, the sound of your friend group’s laughter echoed into the guest bedroom, and you were broken from your trance.  

We’re still at the party, you remembered.

Unaware of how much time had passed, you pulled away, realizing that Korra somehow ended up practically on top of you.  Brought back to the present, the two of you slowly sat back up and gazed at one another.

“We should, uh, probably get back out there,” said Korra, breathless at the intensity of the moment you just shared.  

You nodded in agreement and stood up with her.  She took your hand in hers and squeezed as the both of you walked out together.  She looked proud, and you felt so happy, so relieved.  

As the two of you returned, Bolin threw his hands up and hollered, “Oh-ho, look which lucky couple decided to join us! How polite of you two!”

Asami laughed.  You blushed, and Korra replied with gusto, “Oh, pardon me! Did we miss watching you lose another round of Pai Sho?”

“Alright, lovebirds,” said Mako, equally as entertained as his little brother, “Now that that’s taken care of, get your sorry asses over here. We have a tournament to finish.”

[felassan]

Insights into DAI’s development from Blood, Sweat, and Pixels

The book is by game industry journalist Jason Schreier (it’s an interesting read and well-written, I recommend it). This is the cliff notes version of the DAI chapter. This info isn’t new as the book is from 2017 (I finally got around to buying it). Some insight into DAO, DA2 and cancelled DA projects is also given. Cut for length.

BW hoped that DA would become the LotR of video games. DAO’s development was “a hellish seven-year slog”

The DAI team are compared to a chaotic “pirate ship”, which is what they called themselves internally. “It’ll get where it needs to go, but it’s going to go all over the place. Sail over here. Drink some rum. Go over here. Do something else. That’s how Mark Darrah likes to run his team.” An alternative take from someone else who worked on the game: “It was compared to a pirate ship because it was chaotic and the loudest voice in the room usually set the direction. I think they smartly adopted the name and morphed it into something better.”

A game about the Inquisition and the large-scale political conflicts it solves across Thedas, where the PC was the Inquisitor, was originally the vision for ‘DA2′. Plans had to change when SW:TOR’s development kept stalling and slipping. Frustrated EA execs wanted a new product from BW to bolster quarterly sales targets, and decided that DA would have to fill the gap. BW agreed to deliver DA2 within 16 months. “Basically, DA2 exists to fill that hole. That was the inception. It was always intended to be a game made to fit in that”

BW wanted to call it DA: Exodus, but EA’s marketing execs insisted on DA2, no matter what that name implied

DAO’s scope (Origin stories, that amount of big areas, variables, reactivity) was just not doable in a year, even if everyone worked overtime. To solve this problem, BW shelved the Inquisition idea and made a risky call: DA2 would be set in one city over time, allowing locations to be recycled and months to be shaved off dev time. They also axed DAO features like customizing party members’ equipment. These were the best calls they were able to make on a tight line

Many at BW are still proud of DA2. Those that worked on it grew closer from all being in it together

In certain dark accounting corners of EA, despite fan response to DA2 and its lower sales compared to DAO, DA2 is considered a wild success

By summer 2011 BW decided to cancel DA2′s expansion Exalted March in favor of a totally new game. They needed to get away from the stigma of DA2, reboot the franchise and show they could make triple-A quality good games. 

DAI was going to be the most ambitious game BW had ever made and had a lot to prove (that BW could return to form, that EA wasn’t crippling the studio, that BW could make an ‘open-world’ RPG with big environments). There was a bit of a tone around the industry that there were essentially 2 tiers of BW, the ME team and then everyone else, and the DA team had a scrappy desire to fight back against that

DAI was behind schedule early on due to unfamiliar new technology; the new engine Frostbite was very technically challenging and required more work than anyone had expected. Even before finishing DA2 BW were looking for a new engine for the next game. Eclipse was creaky, obsolete, not fully-featured, graphically lacking. The ME team used Unreal, which made inter-team collab difficult. “Our tech strategy was just a mess. Every time we’d start a new game, people would say, ‘Oh, we should just pick a new engine’.”

After meeting with an EA exec BW decided on Frostbite. Nobody had ever used it to make an RPG, but EA owned FB dev studio DICE, and the engine was powerful and had good graphic capabilities & visual effects. If BW started making all its games on FB, it could share tech with sister studios and borrow tools when they learned cool new tricks. 

For a while they worked on a prototype called Blackfoot, to get a feel for FB and to make a free-to-play DA MP game. It fizzled as the team was too small, which doesn’t lend itself well to working with FB, and was cancelled

BW resurfaced the old Inquisition idea. What might a DA3 look like on FB? Their plan by 2012 was to make an open-world RPG heavily inspired by Skyrim that hit all the beats DA2 couldn’t. “My secret mission was to shock and awe the players with the massive amounts of content.” People complained there wasn’t enough in DA2. “At the end of DAI, I actually want people to go, ‘Oh god, not [another] level’.”

It was originally called Dragon Age 3: Inquisition

BW wanted to launch on next-gen consoles only but EA’s profit forecasters were caught up in the rise of iPad and iPhone gaming and were worried the next-gen consoles wouldn’t sell well. As a safeguard EA insist it also ship on current-gen. Most games at that time followed this strategy. Shipping on 5 platforms at once would be a first for BW

Ambitions were piling up. This was to be BW’s first 3D open-world game, and their first game on Frostbite, an engine that had never been used to make RPGs. It needed to be made in roughly two years, it needed to ship on 5 platforms, and, oh yeah, it needed to restore the reputation of a studio that had been beaten up pretty badly. “Basically we had to do new consoles, a new engine, new gameplay, build the hugest game that we’ve ever made, and build it to a higher standard than we ever did. With tools that don’t exist.”

FB didn’t have RPG stats, a visible PC, spells, save systems, a party of 4 people, the same kind of cutscenes etc and couldn’t create any of those things. BW had to create these on top of it. BW initially underestimated how much work this would be. BW were the FB guinea pigs. Early on in DAI’s development, even the most basic tasks were excruciating, and this impacted even fundamental aspects of game design and dev. When FB’s tools did function they were finicky and difficult. DICE’s team supported them but had limited resources and were 8 hours ahead. Since creating new content in FB was so difficult, trying to evaluate its quality became impossible. FB engine updates made things even more challenging. After every one, BW had to manually merge and test it; this was debilitating, and there were times when the build didn’t work for a month or was really unstable.

Meanwhile the art department were having a blast. FB was great for big beautiful environments. For months they made as much as possible, taking educated guesses when they didn’t know yet what the designers needed. “For a long time there was a joke on the project that we’d made a fantastic-looking screenshot generator, because you could walk around these levels with nothing to do. You could take great pictures.”

The concept of DAI as open-world was stymying the story/writers and gameplay/designers teams. What were players going to do in these big landscapes? How could BW ensure exploring remained fun after many hours? Their teams didn’t have time for system designers to envision, iterate and test a good “core gameplay loop” (quests, encounters, activities etc). FB wouldn’t allow it. Designers couldn’t test new ideas or answer questions because basic features were missing or didn’t exist yet. 

EA’s CEO told BW they should have the ability to ride dragons and that this would make DAI sell 10 million copies. BW didn’t take this idea very seriously

BW had an abstract idea that the player would roam the world solving problems and building up power or influence they could use. But how would that look/work like in-game? This could have used refinement and testing but instead they decided to build some levels and hope they could figure it out as they went.

One day in late 2012, after a year of strained development on DAI, Mark Darrah asked Mike Laidlaw to go to lunch. “We’re walking out to his car,” Laidlaw said, “and I think he might have had a bit of a script in his head. [Darrah] said, ‘All right, I don’t actually know how to approach this, so I’m just going to say it. On a scale of one to apocalyptic... how upset would you be if I said [the player] could be, I dunno, a Qunari Inquisitor?’” 

Laidlaw was baffled. They’d decided that the player could be only a human in DAI. Adding other playable races like Darrah was asking for would mean they’d need to quadruple their budget for animation, voice acting, and scripting.

“I went, ‘I think we could make that work’,” Laidlaw said, asking Darrah if he could have more budget for dialogue. 

Darrah answered that if Laidlaw could make playable races happen, he couldn’t just have more dialogue. He could have an entire year of production.

Laidlaw was thrilled. “Fuck yeah, OK,” he recalled saying.

MD had actually already realized at this point it’d be impossible to finish DAI in 2013. They needed at least a year’s delay and adding the other playable races was part of a plan/planned pitch to secure this. He was in the process of putting together a pitch to EA: let BW delay the game, and in exchange it’d be bigger and better that anyone at EA had envisioned. These new marketing points included playable races, mounts and a new tactical camera. If EA wouldn’t let them delay, they would have had to cut things. Going into that BW were confident but nervous, especially in the wake of EA’s recent turmoil where they’d just parted ways with their CEO and had recruited a new board member while they hunted for a new one. They didn’t know how the new board member would react, and the delay would affect EA’s projections for that fiscal year. Maybe it was the convincing pitch, or the exec turmoil, or the specter of DA2, or maybe EA didn’t like being called “The Worst Company in America”. Winning that award 2 years in a row had had a tangible impact on the execs and led to feisty internal meetings on how to repair EA’s image. Whatever the reasons, EA greenlit the delay.

The PAX Crestwood demo was beautiful but almost entirely fake. By fall 2013, BW had implemented many of FB’s ‘parts’, but still didn’t know what kind of ‘car’ they were making. ML and team scripted the PAX demo by hand, entirely based on what BW thought would be in the game. The level & art assets were real but the gameplay wasn’t. “Part of what we had to do is go out early and try to be transparent because of DA2. And just say, ‘Look, here, it’s the game, it’s running live, it’s at PAX.’ Because we wanted to make that statement that we’re here for fans.”

DA2 hung on the team like a shadow. There was insecurity, uncertainty, they had trouble sticking to one vision. Which DA2 things were due to the short dev time and which were bad calls? What stuff should they reinvent? There were debates over combat (DAO-style vs DA2-style) and arguments over how to populate the wilderness.

In the months after that demo, BW cut much of what they’d shown in it. Even small features went through many permutations. DAI had no proper preproduction phase (important for testing and discarding things), so leads were stretched thin and had to make impulsive decisions.

By the end of 2013, DAI had 200+ people working on it, and dozens of additional outsourced artists in Russia and China. Coordinating all the work across various departments was challenging and a full-time job for several people. At this sheer scale of game dev, there are many complexities and inter-dependencies. Work finally became significantly less tedious and more doable when BW and DICE added more features to FB. Time was running out though, and another delay was a no.

The team spent many hours in November and December piecing together a “narrative playable” version of the game to be the holiday period’s game build for BW staff to test that year. Feedback on the demo was bad. There were big complaints on story, that it didn’t make sense and was illogical. Originally the PC became Inquisitor and sealed the breach in the prologue, which removed a sense of urgency. In response the writers embarked on Operation Sledgehammer (breaking a bone to set it right), radically revising the entire first act.

The other big piece of negative feedback was that battles weren’t fun. Daniel Kading, who had recently joined BW and brought with him a rigorous new method for testing combat in games, went to BW leadership with a proposal: give him authority to open his own little lab with the other designers and call up the entire team for mandatory play sessions for test purposes. They agreed and he used this experiment to get test feedback and specifically pinpoint where problems were. Morale took a turn for the better that week, DK’s team made several tweaks, and through these sessions feedback ratings went from 1.2 to 8.8 four weeks later.

Many on the team wished they didn’t have to ship for old consoles (clunky, less powerful). BW leadership decided not to add features to the next-gen versions that wouldn’t be possible on the older ones, so that both versions of the game played the same. This limited things and meant the team had to find creative solutions. “I probably should’ve tried harder to kill [the last-gen] version of the game”, said Aaryn Flynn. In the end the next-gen consoles sold very well and only 10% of DAI sales were on last-gen.

“A lot of what we do is well-intentioned fakery,” said Patrick Weekes, pointing to a late quest called “Here Lies The Abyss”. “When you assault the fortress, you have a big cut scene that has a lot of Inquisition soldiers and a lot of Grey Wardens on the walls. And then anyone paying attention or looking for it as you’re fighting through the fortress will go, ‘Wow, I’m only actually fighting three to four guys at a time.’ Because in order for that to work [on old gen], you couldn’t have too many different character types on screen.”

Parts of DAI were still way behind schedule because it was so big and complex, and because some tools hadn’t started functioning until late on. Some basic features weren’t able to be implemented til the last minute (they were 8 months from ship before they could get all party members in the squad. At one point PW was playtesting to check if Iron Bull’s banter was firing, and realized there was no way to even recruit IB) and some flaws couldn’t be identified til the last few months. Trying to determine flow and pacing was rough.

They couldn’t disappoint fans again. They needed to take the time to revise and polish every aspect of DAI. “I think DAI is a direct response to DA2,” said Cameron Lee. “DAI was bigger than it needed to be. It had everything but the kitchen sink in it, to the point that we went too far... I think that having to deal with DA2 and the negative feedback we got on some parts of that was driving the team to want to put everything in and try to address every little problem or perceived problem.”

At this point they had 2 options: settle for an incomplete game, which would disappoint fans especially post-DA2, or crunch. They opted to crunch. It was the worst period of extended overtime in DAI’s development yet and was really rough: late nights, weekends, lost family time, 12-14 hour days, stress, mental health impacts.

During 2014′s crunch, they finally finished off features they wished they’d nailed down in year 1. They completed the Power (influence) system and added side quests, hidden treasures and puzzles. Things that weren’t working like destructible environments were promptly removed. The writers rewrote the prologue at least 6 times, but didn’t have enough time to pay such attention to the ending. Just a few months before launch pivotal features like jumping were added.

By summer BW had bumped back release by another 6 weeks for polish. DAI had about 99,000 bugs in it (qualitative and quantitative; things like “I was bored here” are a bug). “The number of bugs on an open-world game, I’ve never seen anything like it. But they’re all so easy to fix, so keep filing these bugs and we’ll keep fixing them.” For BW it was harder to discover them, and the QA team had to do creative experimentation and spend endless late nights testing things. PW would take builds home to let their 9 year old son play around. Their son was obsessed with mounting and dismounting the horse and accidentally discovered a bug where if you dismounted in the wrong place, all your companions’ gear would vanish. “It was because my son liked the horse so much more than anyone else ever had or will ever like the horse.”

MD had a knack for prioritizing which bugs should be fixed, like the one where you could get to inaccessible areas by jumping on Varric’s head. “Muscle memory is incredibly influential at this point. Through the hellfire which is game development, we’re forged into a unit, in that we know what everyone’s thinking and we understand everyone’s expectations.”

At launch they still didn’t have all their tools working, they only had their tools working enough.

DAI became the best-selling DA game, beating EA’s sales expectations in just a few weeks. If you look closely you can see the lingering remnants of its chaotic development, like the “garbage quests” in the Hinterlands. Some players didn’t realize they could leave the area and others got caught in a “weird, compulsive gratification loop”. Internet commentators rushed to blame “those damn lazy devs” but really, these were the natural consequences of DAI’s struggles. Maybe things would have been different if they’d miraculously received another year of dev time, or if they’d had years before starting development to build FB’s tools first.

“The challenge of the Hinterlands and what it represented to the opening 10 hours of DAI is exactly the struggle of learning to build open-world gameplay and mechanisms when you are a linear narrative story studio,” said Aaryn Flynn.

“DA2 was the product of a remarkable time-line challenge,” said Mike Laidlaw, “DAI was the product of a remarkable technical challenge. But it had enough time to cook, and as a result it was a much better game.”

Read the chapter for full details of course!