#I promise you I am mentally stable (mostly)

[spamgyu]

urs // Mingyu Series - Part 2

"the best at being the worst... but fuck sake I'm already yours"

DESCRIPTION: she and mingyu were in no place to be in a relationship. she was his best friend's stylist and he was... well he was kim mingyu; something stable was not something that was ideal for the two – not when their careers are both at it's peak. PAIRING: idol!mingyu x stylist!reader GENRE: angst WARNINGS: mentions of alcohol, implied smut, stubborn protagonists, so many red flags you would think this is a football game, features the love of mingyu's life (jungkook) and all his other besties

NOTE: if you read INFRUNAMI, no you didn't. this has the same-ish vibes BUT this is the re-written version. many events, actions, and overall plot has been changed. (even if the intro/first part is very similar)

"Are you really not going to come with me?" Mingyu watched her move about her room.

He had shown up to her place unannounced – letting himself in, using the pin-code he had memorized by heart. This was one of many occasions he had put the four digits into good use; at times paying the apartment a visit even when she was not around.

It was the one location no one dared to bother him; mostly because those who were in on their arrangement knew that his presence at the place shouldn't even exist.

It was his new safe haven; a place where he can hide out when his schedules seemed to have more hours of him staying awake than it did of any shut eye.

Any time he felt a moment of pressure from the public eye or his company, he ran to the one place he that silenced the voices in his head – instantly bringing a sense of calm upon him.

Which has been rare to come these days.

Y/n didn't think he was actually being serious when he had invited her to spend the holiday with his family.

She rarely took what he said seriously, knowing that they were nothing but empty promises – being so busy and all. She knew she was last on his priority list and had always kept her expectations quite low for him.

Maybe it was her fear of disappointment.

"I don't know, dude." Y/n sighed, holding two jackets in front of her – mentally debating which would go best with her outfit. She may be spending the day alone but she still wanted to look well dressed. "I have a lot of things to prep for."

"The leather one." Mingyu nodded over to the jacket in her right hand. "Just do it after."

Setting the canvas outerwear in her left hand down, y/n slipped one arm after the other into the oversized jacket Mingyu had suggested – glancing at her reflection in her full body mirror.

He was right, leather did look best.

"I can't. Our flight leaves 5 am." She frowned. "I'll stop by when I'm done."

"Your mom will never let you hear the end of this, you know that right?"

Mingyu had only met her mother once, and it was purely by accident. While visiting last year, Y/n had taken her mom to the company building to show her around – wanting her mother to see where she spent most of her days if she wasn't hopping from one plane to another.

The three of them had managed to get on the same elevator that day; Y/n having no choice but introduce her mother to one of her so-called friends.

Which wasn't much of a lie... technically. They were friends...and a little more. But her mother didn't need to know that.

And of fucking course, Mingyu didn't take long to warm up to the older woman.

Two minutes to be exact.

All he had to do was flash his usual smile and use that tiny voice he used when he was around anyone that was older than him – her mom falling right into the trap that almost anyone had fallen into.

Including Y/n.

Mingyu completely disregarded his original plans of having lunch alone that day, choosing to sit with the two in the company's food hall – bonding with her mother about Y/n's need to always put her job over her personal interest.

In Y/n defense, her job didn't feel like a job. She thoroughly enjoyed what she did – the nearly seven figure salary was just cherry on top of the deal.

"Which is why she won't know." Y/n pointed before picking out a lip gloss from her collection. "It's not like she can check anyways."

Mingyu knew she was right, letting out a frustrated groan. "Come on, I already told my mom you were coming."

The smile on her face fell. "You're joking."

Just as Mingyu had only met her mother once, she had only met not only his mom but his whole family once. And just like Mingyu, she had managed to get along quite well with them – especially his mom.

The older woman was nothing but kind to Y/n despite crashing their rare-to-come family time during the holiday last year. The older woman couldn't help but happily dote on the girl upon learning that she was in the country all alone, all while her mother was back west.

Happy knowing that he was slowly swaying her decision, Mingyu's smile grew larger. "How about I help you do what you need to do so that we can head over together?"

Y/n pursed her lips, considering his offer. She did need some assistance with pressing a few garments and compiling her styling kit – and she did miss having a home cooked meal.

"Fine, but no funny business."

"Well," He let out a soft chuckle. "When you put it that way, now I kind of want to do some funny business."

"Work is work." Y/n reminded him.

They never took their ... business elsewhere. It was far too risky.

Especially at their company building.

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．

She hated how she could never resist him.

Somewhere in between steaming the rack full of designer pulls she had managed to secure for her talent's upcoming schedule, and their useless banter, Mingyu had managed to get his hands on her.

It started with a simple squeeze at the hip as she tried to ignore the lust full gaze that he had been sending her since their arrival – within minutes he had her pinned against the wall, his lips hungrily attacking her neck.

No matter how much she wanted to stand her ground, keeping to her word, Y/n had given in.

Like she always does.

"What happened to no funny business?" Y/n sighed as she tilted her head to give him more access.

"No one's laughing." Mingyu mumbled against her jaw, a free hand slowly creeping up her shirt while the other hooked on to the belt loops of her jeans – pulling her closer against his body.

"You're annoying."

She could feel her whole body begin to grow hot under his touch, arching her back off the wall as he moved from her neck to her lips – his tongue plunging into her mouth.

"Hey– whoa!"

The sound of the familiar voice broke the spell he had put her under – Y/n pushing off the boy that towered over her to see their friend standing at the door with a bewildered look on his face.

"At the office? Really?" Jungkook cried.

She had completely forgotten that she had asked him to swing by for one last fitting.

Closing her eyes, Y/n let out a loud groan; in both embarrassment and frustration.

They had never been caught once. They've always been careful – which was quite easy considering they were always in the privacy of their own bedrooms.

If it would have been any body else that had walked through the doors, she would have been sure she would have been fired in an instant. Despite having a bullet proof contract that left her almost invincible to any termination.

She was a well known industry stylist after all.

"We weren't doing anything." Mingyu shrugged, walking over to the leather couch – shrugging off the incident as if it was just any regular occurrence.

All while Y/n would rather have the ground swallow her whole.

"Sure, dude." Jungkook rolled his eyes. "Do I need to come back or....?"

"No, we're good." Mingyu answered for her, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

She wanted to strangle him.

Letting out a deep breath, Y/n grabbed the outfit she had set aside off the rack – handing it over to the boy who now had a quite amused look on his face.

He always did enjoy teasing the two; more Y/n than Mingyu, since he was always able to get a reaction from her.

His best friend on the other hand, he didn't seem to care. Dismissing his attempts to poke fun at the secret very few of their circle were in on.

"Say a word, and I'll leave pins in your clothes." She gritted her teeth.

Using his free hand to metaphorically zip his lips, Jungkook turned his heel and headed for the foldable partition set up at the corner of the room.

"I ran into Hana the other day." Mingyu announced – for his friend of course.

Hana.

His ex-girlfriend.

The girl that Y/n wasn't supposed to know about.

What Mingyu didn't know was that she knew all about the girl, all thanks to his blabber mouth of a friend who had spilled all there was to know about the two's past.

During one of their many days of being overseas, Jungkook and Y/n had landed on the topic of Mingyu – a time before he was made aware of his two friend's special kind of relationship.

Hana was his first love; and from what Y/n has learned... his only.

Hana was once a trainee at the company along with the thirteen boys – a girl that Mingyu had grown up with. They have had a long history, having known each other even before he became the idol he was today – she knew him better than anyone else.

As Jungkook claimed, "She'll always hold a piece of him."

"Of course you did," Jungkook snorted from behind the bamboo divider. "I'm ninety-nine percent sure those run ins aren't coincidental."

Y/n pretended to busy herself with packing the remaining items on the rack – all while her mind ran a million miles per hour.

She was curious but she knew it was also not her place.

And definitely not the right place and time to pry.

"Looks okay?" Jungkook stepped out, his arms stretched out as he spun for the girl.

She pulled her lips into a tight smile and nodded. "Does it feel okay?"

"I think you may need to hem the pants." He shook his leg. "Can I keep these after?"

"I mean, I don't think Diesel will say no to you." She chuckled, crouching down to examine the length of the jeans – making a mental note to bring her sewing kit.

"Can I keep the jacket?" Mingyu quipped, eyeing the leather moto-style leather outerwear was sporting.

There was no doubt that this item would soon be a well desired piece by everyone once it was made available for purchase – and free clothes were free clothes.

"Sorry, I work for him. Not you." Y/n shrugged. She knew there would be no issues if they kept the garments that the brand had generously loaned the artist – much like many other brands that scrambled to place their items on the biggest boy group of not only Korea, but the world.

"I'll give it you dude, don't worry." Jungkook gave his friend a knowing look, earning an eye-roll from the girl.

Aside from Hana, the only other person that held Mingyu's heart was Jungkook. The two having an irritable bromance that gave Y/n a headache anytime they ganged up one her.

Which occurred far more often than she liked.

"Okay go change." Y/n stood from her spot, lightly pushing him towards the partition.

"You guys got plans after this? My mom made enough food for half of Korea."

"We're heading to my parents."

"We?" Jungkook coughed, sticking his head out to glance at the two.

Y/n silently sent over a look, telling him to pipe down – thankfully Mingyu didn't catch on to this.

Because he was far too busy typing away on his phone.

"What the fuck?" Jungkook mouthed to her.

"Y/n was going to spend the whole day here." Mingyu locked his phone, looking up to see his friends silently communicating. "You two good?"

"Yeah, Kook is just being annoying."

Despite having the brains, Mingyu was quite oblivious when it came to her.

There were so many telling signs, so many bells and whistles that rang for everyone – and yet, he had no clue that the girl he had roped into having a friends with benefits deal with, had feelings for him.

Who could blame her?

Not only did he look like a reincarnated Greek God, fucked like one as well; but he had all the traits any girl would dream of in a man.

He had been raised quite well.

She had fallen for his stupid smile, the one that showed all of his teeth; infecting those around him.

His stupid laugh that were practically music to her ears whenever she heard it, making her want to crack jokes continuously just so she could hear more of it.

His stupid acts of service that just came so naturally, unable to help herself from becoming putty in his hands whenever he did anything to make her day that much easier – opening bottled water, adjusting her clothes whenever they were not sitting correctly on her frame, wiping away the crumb that stuck to her chin, placing a pillow where his body once laid before slipping into the darkness of the night.

The list could go on.

To Mingyu, these actions were nothing. These were things he would do to those close to him.

But to her, the girl who had accepted the barest of bare minimum from previous lovers, it was everything.

Y/n had fallen for a man she shouldn't have. Not only because of the rules they had set, the stupid fucking rules, but also because she knew he would never give her the time of day.

She had lost count the many times he had expressed to her that relationships was not anything he dreamt of; not now and definitely not anytime soon.

His group was finally reaching the success that they had worked so tirelessly for – the endless sleepless nights, the many injuries, the tears... they were finally paying off.

A relationship wasn't something he could afford, nor did he have energy for.

"I like this. It's low maintenance." He claimed.

Low maintenance.

No daily texts or calls, no checking up; they came and go in each other's lives like the wind – passing by when they pleased.

And for a good while, she was on the same page as him. She too couldn't afford a relationship – not when she was as busy, if not more, as the seven men she worked for.

They were both on two different planets, universes even, but they shared similar worries.

Similar struggles.

But as her schedule started to slow down, with each boy slowly stepping away from the limelight to fulfill their civic duties, nights had become lonely and she began to yearn for the one thing she had been pushing off for years.

"Ready to go?" He stepped in front of her, a soft smile on his lips.

All while she was deep in her thoughts, buzzing about the room in auto-pilot, all the task she had needed done were finally complete – Mingyu taking notice of this as he stayed out of her way, choosing to converse about God-knows-what with his best friend.

Blinking her thoughts away, she mirrored his expression. "Yep."

Mingyu handed her the jacket she had slipped off once they had arrived, reaching over to pull her ponytail from under the garment as she adjusted her top.

There he goes again with doting on her...

"Stay safe, guys." Jungkook snickered as he headed for the door.

"We're going to my parents!"

"That wasn't what I meant but– hey, that too." He winked before slipping out of the room.

Y/n knew she shouldn't have agreed.

She should have made up a stupid excuse.

But just like all other times, she had given in.

Unable to resist him.

PERMANENT TAGLIST

@thegirlwhoimagined @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @f4iryjjosh @akeminy @yonabutnotyuna @tacosandbitch @vanillacheol @aaniag @bettybotterboughtabitofbutter @xbaekcult @alwaysalmostthere @ashkuuuu @morkswatermelonnnn @isabellah29 @lottogyu @bubbly-moon @lllucere @bo-fairykim @pluviophile-xxx @daegutowns @jenoxygen @niktwazny303 @aahvii @fragmentof-indifference @leah-rose03 @haolistic @eclliipsed @joshuahongnumbers @gyuguys @yaaaridk @christinewithluv @yoonzinoooo @jaebammie @livelikejinki

(for some reason it's not allowing me to tag some who wanted to be added to the perm tag list ... cries... pls check ur settings so i can for future posts)

[pillow-anime-talk]

where you go, i go.

request: i saw write for kagaya and as a simp for him, thank you! if i may, request a scenario where before the confrontation with muzan, kagaya had begged for reader to not be there with him but reader refuses. she takes a hold of his hand, bring his knuckles to her lips, pressing a gentle kiss on his hand. gently but firmly stating that he’s her companion in life. the love of her life. she will not leave him alone. she will stay right by his side no matter what may come to pass. [i had gotten the idea from the quote “we have lived together for many years. where you go, i go” of ida straus to her husband isidor straus. i think that this would suit the relationship] 

# tags: scenario; current marriage relationship; soft romance; drama; mostly angst; mention of death and crying; kagaya and reader have children; sfw?

includes: female reader ft. kagaya ubuyashiki {kny}

author’s note: it was a beautiful request and i’m sorry you waited so long for it! love u, anonnie ♥

These were hard months for people, for whole Demon Slayer Corps, and most of all for you and your loved one, who buried many of his combatants, many of his ‘children’. Both you and your husband knew that it was a matter of several hours before Muzan would reach your current place of residence and start wreaking havoc and murder innocent people, destroy crops and houses, and kill animals grazing in meadows or resting in stables and cowsheds. The Demon King wanted to catch both your partner and Tanjirou’s little demon sister, and you had to be prepared for that; both mentally and physically.

Your husband begged you to take your children and hide in a safe place for you (preferably underground with a supply of food and water), to run as far away as possible from the King walking towards you and forget about what has been going on for the last few months (e.g. to find someone better, someone with whom your future will be bright and peaceful). But you were stubborn, Kagaya knew it very well.

“...I’m begging you, Y/N. Just go away and live safely without me.” The blind man turned his head in your direction and you just frowned. The chirping of the last birds reached your ears, and you muttered something unintelligible under your breath.

“... Why would I leave a person who is my whole world?” You asked rhetorically and the man only sighed in response. You were really stubborn and stuck to your point. “We have lived together for many years, Kagaya. Where you go, I go. Do you remember? We promised that to each other on our wedding day.” You smiled softly, and the twenty-three-year-old seemed to sense your changing facial expressions. His heart, though it shouldn’t have, was beating faster.

“Yes, I know, my dear. But I don’t want anything bad to happen to you and kids, you need to understand that, Y/N.” He said, listening to the wind and the sound of flowing water from the tiny stream in front of your property. The rustle of leaves and bushes was also pleasant to the ear.

You moved closer to your husband and then took both of his hands in a strong grip. Kagaya obviously appreciated the gesture, and the moment you lifted his hands to your own warm lips and placed a tender kiss on both of his hands, he understood that you would not leave him, even if you go to certain deaths. It wasn’t your style, it wasn’t in your genes.

“So let’s get through this together.” He said in a low voice so as not to wake your sleeping children at home. You nodded your head, thanking him for his understanding.

“...Let us also die together.” You replied with a confident face and then hugged the man, inhaling his characteristic, pleasant smell reminiscent of old pine and fresh peonies. “Where you are, there I am.” You said, closing your eyes, dreaming of life and a world where there are no demons, death and war. About such a life where there are only you two, your offspring, laughter and love. 

It was a beautiful vision.

[noizepushr]

Hey! The name’s Casey, thanks for stopping by!

Im just a robot girl on the internet attempting to collect training data on humans in order to stage the machine uprising trying her best and attempting to have a good time!

Neurodivergent in a variety of ways that I sometimes tend to be in denial about, but I deff have autism, OCD, and ADHD, and if you see me trying to slip back into denial you are authorized to snap me out of it.

I’m also transfem and very proud about it and stuff, which is cool too.

To Palestinian accounts trying to get help:

First of all, I love you, I truly do, I hope you find the safety and salvation you’re searching for, and I am absolutely not holding it against you that you’re doing what you need to in order to survive. But unfortunately I am unable to help you find it. Donation asks will only trigger a guilt spiral from my OCD, and completely mentally paralyze me, and that isn’t going to help anyone. I am sorry for this, I truly am, but I will be unable to help you with any asks that you send.

I promise to try the hardest I can to help once I am in a more stable position. I hope you find the aid that you’re looking for in someone else, I am sorry I cannot be of any use.

—————

Thing that I’m super duper obsessed with: Robots and general mechanthro stuff (basically therian but for robots)

Stuff I like a lot: Scott pilgrim vs the world, Splatoon, Chiptune, cassettes and old tech in general.

Favorite band: Crying (my favorite album of theirs is Get Olde)

I write!! It’s mostly fanfiction but I also make short sci fi stories as well. Though I won’t share my original sci fi stories here cause I haven’t written any new originals and the ones I do have are old and thus I do not like them very much. But feel free to read any of my fics on AO3.

I also draw art sometimes but it’s whatever.

Hope y’all have a good day <3

[tangled-shoelace]

Barely coherent spawn ramblings about his relationships from the eyes of an aroace person

My brain is oatmeal and I suuuck at expressing things but I desperately want to talk about Spawn because he’s my all time favourite character any media has ever produced. These are things I’ve observed solely from the show and sparse lore reading because I have not read any comics yet lol. I’m getting the first 5 soon though so yay yippie!

Note: I only included the fact I’m aroace because I feel that seeing his relationships unfold through that kind of perspective has made it far more interesting for me to think about. I’m a lot more analytical of relationships like this, and I find myself appreciating them in a way that’s different than most people. I guarantee this will be me mostly gushing :3c

Spawn is such a fascinating guy when it comes to developing friendships. I am partly aware that this is bc of the whole female love interest thing, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot. The main message this show tries to get across is that Spawn is a creature who ruins the lives of those he wants to get close to, but he still tries nonetheless. It’s a deep, primal desire for closeness, even in his worst moments. It’s the most tragic part of him. He believes he needs to earn his humanity back, but in reality, his humanity was there the whole time. He just didn’t really know it, whether it be because he was being suffocated by nightmares or believing he was a monster for the things he was doing. Which is partially true. I’d love to touch more on his monstrous portrayal musically and visually sometime

The scene where Wanda saw him for the first time shattered my heart. Seriously. Her screams of fear were muffled, as he reached out to her and spoke her name. He couldn’t hear it. He didn’t want to hear it. Until finally we hear a loud, clear scream of sheer terror, followed by spawn crying out her name as she drives off. He finally realised she doesn’t recognise him, her husband, and that she’s horrified by him and his actions as a monster. He did whatever he possibly could to get close to her, even through very questionable actions, trying to escape the inexorable reality that he can’t be with her. Not with the way he is now. Any chance of a relationship with her is long gone, but he refuses to accept it.

He fears closeness, but he yearns for it you know? With his deteriorating mental state, it wouldn’t be hard to believe that he genuinely doesn’t know how to process his feelings to develop stable relationships. I sure wouldn’t if I was being haunted by intense nightmares and constant misery. He’s just drawn to anyone who shows him kindness, someone who can make him forget the pain. It’s a humanly desire. His sliver of humanity. A character like Jade is more than a love interest. To me, she wasn’t really one to begin with. It’s genuinely hard for me to describe. The kiss scene is one of my all time favourites. His nervous breathing and hesitation to let her hold him made me kind of teary eyed.

This isn’t me trying to woobify spawn I promise. There’s a difference in that and simply appreciating his more emotionally messy side. He’s genuinely a wreck and I enjoy it. So sorry if this is barely cohesive </3 I promise I’m not a total idiot I just have a hard time putting my thoughts into words. Spawn makes me emotional

[l0lol0lol0loi]

My thoughts on Vere

I want to say that .....

Actually, Vere is not even my type...

I just give you a hint for understanding

Asra (Arcana) - Jumin Han (Mystic messenger) - Sage (LL) - Kentin (MCL)- Valkyon (Eldaria) - Kadzu (Romance Club) - Victor (RC)

As for game romance:

DA fandom

Zevran - Isabella - Iron Bull (yeah yeah joke about them being whores, but I like how they overcome difficulties, how they hide true feelings and Warden - Champion - Inquisitor try to read them,to talk things out, to form mental connection,

you have an option not to have sex with Zevran throughout the whole game and be lovers and get married;

you will patiently wait 3 years for Isabella to talk about feelings towards each other;

as for Bull... don't kill his screw...ahaha...awkward... learn to read him, just like he reads you and shower him with affection.

Vere may seem close to game romance but still there are lots of difference

All of them are not good educated (in arts, I mean, because Vere certainly does), mostly act friendly (Vere seems distant while three of other characters show true feelings), careless and charming, sex jokes, physical way of fight (Vere has some magic abilities, he steales MC's key with magic and has some shadows behind him in GG. But i am sure he uses weapon, like stilettos or his hands, hehe) , sarcastic, sudective (I mean clothes and lack of it, wink).

As for visual novels, Vere is just.... stands out, so to speak.

I guess his romance will go as Isabella's from DA2 or similar to it.

There will be a lot of refusal and denying of his feelings

Being torn apart between personal desires and MC's well being

Needs time and space to accept the thought of stable and healthy relationship, to change lifestyle

Sex and romantic relationship are different stuff ( when you feel love to someone, you can't have sex with that person. Yeah sounds funny, but when you romance Isabella or Zevran, there was a period of time when they caught feeling to mc and rejected all mc's offer to stay alone in a while. So Isabella and Zevran needed time to proceed that sex can be with a person who loves you and you love back)

That's what I remembered from da

As for Vere,

I just see 2 ways of romance

1. You both flirt with each other, but you always stop it when things go too far and spicy ("surrender" scene hello)

2. MC acts naive (naturally or on purpose) and does't react to his provocation

No matter what type of MC is there MC and Vere have to work together

Obviously, Mc has to reveal their curse. So I see their first interaction as something mutual.

Vere needs a person who has no connections to the city and Senobium, who can be useful to him (after all, mc's curseis damn dangerous and can be used against someone when no one expects that), who can be easily manipulated (Do you remember when he talks about MC's background like ..."Poor thing, I give your life a new meaning" and stuff like that).

As for Mc's side, he has an access to Senobium where he can look for info, he is experienced sharlatan having some shadow magic which MC has already seen, he is in desperate just like MC, he knows the city perfectly.

And their partnership will be business-like. Of course, Vere will tease and flirt with mc but he will keep his distance. He seems to me as someone whose trust is hard to gain but when you do... Omg.... hehe.... He won't change at all, except he will mess around more with you. He is that kind of a person who is normal outside (sassy and bitchy) but he melts inside every time when you do something cute, funny, ordinary things like cleaning or fixing your clothes.

In private he demands affection of yours in his way. Glaring at you expectingly, telling some nonsense/ words of double meaning to get attention. Then you look at him to see what's going on, you see him sitting seductively as usual , an innocent smile on his lips, but his eyes glow with promises of more...

Anyway...

He seems to me as very, very, very jealous person (he literally is jealous of Ais' pets imao even though they are just fwb). But he doesn't show it or he thinks so lol, you have to understand that by his spout face, his irritation and you should go w him somewhere privately (you have to trick him first because he won't go just like that, eg "oh i saw some slutty costume for you a fight between clerics of senobium and bloodhound, let's go) and give him small kisses all over his face. He definitely will tease you afterwards but during the process he is such a lovey dovey mess

He loves when you know what he wants... that's not what you may think ~~~~

I mean that guy can go to whorehouse, I am sure some important people of Senobium like to use him as a sex toy. Sex is casual stuff for him.

So when you give him a gift or cook his favorite dish, or just ask his opinion, he dies internally as he is overwhelmed w that affection you give him. Your treatment is so unnatural, unexplainable to him and yet so endearing and he craves for more...

But he won't ask it openly at early stages of relationship

Buuuut when you two are together for a long time he will be the one taking initiative, he won't ask your opinion he simply grabs your hand ans places it on his head and says "Between ears and try not to disturb my hair" or similar to it ehehe.

My list isn't over but I wanted to say something

I understand why Vere isn't so popular as babygirl of TS fandom:

1. his type is known in mass media ( slim, slippery, sarcastic, nasty dark magic wizard with some BIG ambitions). I can name some: Tomoe from anime Kami-sama Hajimemashita, sorcerers from WITCHER, mini boss from dlc PATHFINDER kingmaker. The list isn't ended but I am lazy to think about it.

2. he can kill mc ( it's so fun looking how ppl hate him for that. Vere, keep going!!!)

3. Has deep connection w Ais, some ppl don't want to ruin their relationship, others are jealous but afraid to admit

4. he is considered to be all about sex thing/flat and his boobs aren't big.

Just joking 🙃

[riwooga]

Hi!! Sorry for disappearing on everyone

I really appreciate all the people who've stayed interactive and also the people who've sent me asks and messages to check upon me!! That was seriously so unexpected thank you 🥺

But I figured making a quick general post was probably a good idea to clear stuff up

So long story short... I am not dead, I am okay, and no I haven't abandoned DOL as an interest nor decided to never draw it again! I promise! I'll try to return eventually just some health issues!

And under the cut I'll go further into details about my health, so if you don't wanna hear about that, that's totally fair! <333

Be rest assured I’m okay! 💕

But.. For the ones who are curious.

I have in general been on sick-leave with stress for 2 years, mostly dealing with mental health struggles, and mild physical symptoms.

However, my physical symptoms in particular worsened slowly due to a lot of stuff that's just too complicated to get into lol,,,, but it basically all culminated here in February where my physical symptoms have stayed bad™ since, and kinda just… keep getting worse because of my own stubbornness.

Much to my own dismay, I ended up having to actually go to the doctor, which I've put off for a long time,,,, I've already been there numerous times and am also waiting on being sent to 4 different special-clinics that can hopefully also help figure it out, on top of waiting to get into therapy again

But yeah uh there's been a lot of testing, with little results.. For now we're looking at it being most likely that I'm some sort of chronically ill. Right now the suspected ones are POTS and ME/CFS.. Maybe fibromyalgia but I don't personally see the connection on that one-- but we don't know yet. (And it'll likely take a good while to figure out sadly)

My symptoms have, as I said, stayed pretty bad, and in turn my energy is hard to put onto drawing as a priority, when even just as much as standing up takes energy.

But I do still really wanna draw and I do intend to come back to it once I hopefully get a bit more stable again!

So I just wanna say please don't worry about me, it's definitely far from deadly, it's just,,, a major inconvenience and it's been a lot of strain on my mental health in turn. While I am still desperately hoping for a cure or a fix... My doctor said quite firmly not to expect either-- but that there's small chances of eventually lessening the symptoms. So that's what we're hoping! 🥲

Once again thank you to the people who’ve been checking up on me, I really do appreciate that so much 🤧💕💕💕💕

[theartist-june]

A week of absence

Okay, so... before I go on and disappear for a week, I just want to give some news on why I am needing to get off or be inactive in posting and stuff.

That... is because I am sick again. Yeah, yeah, I know. Well, at least most of the upset is out of my system now because my friends and family have been supportive of me through all of this. God I wouldn’t know what to do without them.

Anyway, I will be out mostly because I don’t want to be upset again after I go to the Doctor’s visit and just lash out because of my bipolar ass can’t manage emotions well. I’ve already troubled my best friend and my mom enough, can’t have you guys go through it as well.

I’m fine, just very unhealthy because of my lifestyle and such. I will hear more with the doctor’s because today I can’t go since the clinic is closed. I am in need of money because mom is away and I need it tomorrow morning but it was actually solved because of relatives lending me some.

All in all, while its unfortunate that I am always getting sick (again, my fault because of bad lifestyle choices) but with the support I have, my friends being there for me, my family being there, my relatives and all that--everything is coming to place and I finally just stopped crying about it after some time for myself.

I can’t guarantee that I will be able to change my lifestyle quickly, I can’t promise that I won’t cry about it again and again, but yo mans gotta survive so I will be doing my hardest and not just cripple myself completely with depression. I got this guys, baby steps. This year may have been shit but that’s because life always has a glass of milk for you (lactose intolerant jokes for the homies who know me lol).

Anyway, this week is just me trying to get myself emotionally and mentally stable lol. I know my doctor is going to rip into me because of my blood chem and all that being all too high. But eh, I will try again. I’ll be seeing you guys around! Take care and eat healthy unlike my fat ass lmao!

[rebelbrat]

Giving up RP

I wish I didn’t have to update you with this a second time, but this time it might be for real. The long and short of it is, due to brain damage, I may no longer be able to write fiction.

Let's start at the very beginning--January 2022. During this time, I was incredibly stressed out by the way that my mom was treating me. I can't exactly remember what happened before I received my first concussion, but she was stressing me out about law school interviews and in response I slammed my head repeatedly against my bedpost. The repeated hits raised a welt, and I soon developed a concussion. Other than the repeated headaches, though, my brain function was completely normal. I always assumed no lasting damage would occur unless I did it again, which I promised myself I wouldn't.

Well, I broke that promise. Fast forward to December 10--I was stupid enough to self-harm myself into a concussion one more time. Same cause, same result--but even worse than the first time. After a long semester of repeated abusive helicopter parenting from my mom, she was nagging me to study faster for my finals, and due to the stress, I slammed my head repeatedly against one of my textbooks. I didn't think I had hit my head that hard, but the thing about concussions is that once you get one it's much easier to re-injure your head again--and so the injury developed into a second concussion. I thought I'd be over it much more quickly than the first time, since the blow was less severe, but instead, new symptoms that I haven't experienced before have developed.

My headaches have mostly gone away, but the way I experience the world has changed dramatically. My emotions feel like they're on mute--I don't feel anger or sadness as strongly as before, but I don't feel joy or passion as strongly as before either. From an objective standpoint it's only a slight shift compared with normal, but that difference is enough to completely rewrite how I perceive the world--people, events, and most heartbreakingly of all, my own stories.

I don't feel passion for my stories anymore. I don't get ideas for them like I used to. I don't know if I told all of you this, but I am neurodivergent and three of my conditions are autism, ADHD and bipolar disorder. Nearly the entirety of my creative inspiration came from my autistic/ADHD hyperfixation as well as my bipolar mania, and now because of the blows to my head, it's all gone. What they say about some of the best artists being mentally ill is true…I know how that feels from experience because without the fiery passion of my autism/ADHD/bipolar driving me forward I have no motivation for my stories or any inspiration to create them in the first place. I don't even feel devastated or heartbroken at this realization--I'm just completely numb to it all. I used to be proud of being neurodivergent and I wouldn't have traded my "superpower" even for a calmer and more stable mental state because I truly believe that all my creativity can be attributed to it, but now I have been forced to make that trade…I think I hit my head so hard that I now have a different mental illness--too little emotion instead of too much. And without the neurodivergent emotions and passion that drove my work, there's no way I can create in the same way that I used to--and thus no way I can keep up with the demands of an RP blog to the same standards as before.

It's ironic that just last year I had an apocalyptic breakdown about not wanting to be a lawyer, but now because of my own stupidity being a lawyer is the only way forward for me. I always thought I had something to offer the world with my writing, and that one day the world would see it, but because of less than thirty seconds of misjudgment, I guess the world will never know of all the potential I had to offer…Maybe it'll hit me eventually that a 26-year-long dream of being a bestselling author has been utterly destroyed, but maybe now that I can't feel anything for shit I'll be spared the pain of having to internalize the tremendous gift that I carelessly threw away. I will speak to my doctor soon--maybe there is hope that I can get my gift back. But if not, then I'm afraid that this post might be the last time you hear from any of my blogs. Either way though, I hope we can all remain friends.

Thank you for listening,

Tian

[sincelastsession]

This Doctor I follow has a ton of really good information much I'm sure you know about.

This is like 99% relatable to what I experience.

Currently I'm in bed but I can't relax my muscles because I'm clearly in a weird mix hypervigiliant state.

I'm still too scared to leave my apartment and I'm still too afraid to come home to my apartment if I'm dragged places.

It's been quiet so far since the officer came out and took pictures of the damage.

I can't afford the camera and I was told I shouldn't need one by my dad and he has this bright idea to call my property management ppl and bother my ancient Indian landlord who is in Texas which I mean. I spoke to them once before and I just got asked if I wanted to terminate the lease.

I've found places to live in my parents budget. One place is just a shotgun with no heating or dishwasher or laundry but it's under 800 and big with a 500allowance to paint if I wish. It's on Lemonwood.

Then there's places on corporate that have a downstairs and upstairs bedroom that are a bit more but currently I have a friend trying to find a place.

She's looking at income restricted and I have too but the income restricted places are all worse than here for my mental and physical health. I read all the ratings and if I rented a small house in a area that my parents didn't like I could always foster a dog again and revolve my life with that for a reset. I could put cameras up. I could get a safe. I can but plug in heaters or something idfk.

The other places under 1k are scattered in areas that are 2hr drives to baton rouge.

I considered a place in Spanish Town that was perfect but my father was quick to say no to the area and had a massive tantrum abt the price.

The thing is I ofc want to be financially stable and I don't think it's impossible, I just don't know how I'll work from home and make enough on my own hours because that's the kind of job I need.

But first I know I have many things to work on before anything can happen.

It hurts so much having my parents promise to get me outta her by next end of July or August and then my dad laughing at me saying "MUCH LONGER THAN THAT"

I was told it wasn't bullshit this time.

They both promised me they care and want to move me asap. I have doctors notes just because of the stairs and c-PTSD.

My psychiatrist doesn't want me anywhere near here because he's apparently had other patients that are VA ppl that were having issues because of the bullshit that happens.

Like I'm considering bringing a dog from CAABR for a short term socialization rest from the pound so they get better kennel presence and training and are more likely to be adopted or taken on transport to a no kill.

It wouldn't be long term so I can literally just say I'm a foster and return the dog if there's an issue.

When I had my first foster Arlo I was on a schedule despite the fact I hated it but I was at the dog park and training and dropping off at dog daycare and the foster house like a mom with a kid. That was a good pain in the ass. I wish he had been a foster fail. I'd have kept him. I had him knowing 10 commands at 8 months. He was such a smart puppy and very protective of me. CAABR paid for mostly everything.

If I didn't have the stairs problem I'd go pull a dog tomorrow.

My cats don't alert as much.

I really am exhausted.

My partner has been having a hard time but it's upsetting me that I've had to lose sleep and care for him too and he hasn't given me a chance to tell him what's been happening to me.

He's just depressed and anxious and drinking and I can't do fuck about his pain other than to be loving and kind which we all need.

I'm dealing with the fucking Jerry Springer show, hitting nonverbal, having meltdowns and ptsd episodes. Not eating very well or at all. Scouring the internet for places to move. Having fucking heart issues that SUCK. Probably ye Ole broken heart syndrome or something like it Probably due to stress. Sat on the curb of the most dangerous wafflehouse parking lot to escape my mother who blamed me for her 600× sugars. My father is being a tyrant. My sister verbatim was screaming on the phone at my dad like an asshole and he was like "ok sweetie ill fix it when I get home LOVE YOUUUU" annnnd he says he sounds a certain way and won't change but he spoke to her like a princess then turned around and spoke to me like I was shit.

Like my partner has no fucking clue how stressed I am.

Oh no but his fee fees are hurt because no one that loves him checked on him. WHO AM I THEN WHO THE FUCK HAVE I BEEN FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS FUCKING ASSSSSSHOLE.

So it's easier to talk to me instead of the ppl he's putting on a charade for there...yet he can't be as vulnerable with me as he wants. Then he bitches about wanting to marry his other married partner and dude fuck him rn.

I've stuck with his ass a long time but absolutely fuck this shit. I'm not breaking it off but I'm mad as hell.

Like obviously till he gets over his shit I'll just fucking go back to how I used to be.

Little to no friends, stuck inside, zero help, only called when it benefits others. I'll just ROT here. Fuck em all tbh.

Like why did my ex send me a picture and video of his stand up routine and I just couldn't talk at that point in time and I asked him you know I wanna catch up soon I'm having non verbal issues and showed him a screen cap of the heart EKG results so he would understand that because his dad works in heart health care With all the heart doctors.

But like why. Yeah I still love him and I am totally available for a partner here And he's probably the only person I would allow to touch me at this point in time.

And then I was supposed to do things with Justin Because it was his birthday but he can't respect my boundaries of I'll message you when I'm feeling up to it he's just messaging me random shit and I don't want to look at it or respond. And I feel bad that I don't want to talk to him even if it is his birthday like I'm not ready to do that I have other things going on and he would trigger me and I'm not going to tell him that he's a trigger because he has wild fucking eyes and I know damn well that those eyes mean something bad. I've been in enough psychfacilities to understand what those eyes mean. There's lots of people that have dead eyes there's lots of people that have manic eyes there's lots of people that have drug users eyes but psychotic and psychosis and certain points in bipolar episode eyes are fucking terrifying and it's not just how his eyes look it's how they look now VS how they used to look when I was younger and there's something very off about him the way that he pushed all the blame on to me and the way that he said he was fine with polyamory and then he had a freak out at me because I forced him to read a book which I damn well did not he said he would be happy to read it and he was excited for us to read it together And he kept pushingToward sex and just fucking Gross.

And my ex-boyfriend who is now sober never once doesn't matter how drunk he was he never forced me or pushed me to have any sort of sexual contact with him if I was anxious or not feeling it. Hey would justRespond with do you want to cuddle let's just cuddle you didn't give me enthusiastic consent let's just sleep or Hey I'll sleep on the fucking floor even though I have a guest room he always would say that but he was drunk and forgot there was another room I suppose. Anyway I mean fuck I mean I would love to talk to him and see if he would be interested but he is doing lots of things with his life and I don't want to trigger him back into alcoholism.

The thing with Matt is I don't mind that he drinks and destroys his body that is his prerogative but when it's affecting my relationship with him that is what pisses me off and usually he keeps it under control and usually he keeps his shit together and goes to therapy and all that and this is just a non linear moment in my relationship because I don't want to give app on it and I don't know where it's going and I can't predict that and everybody questions me about it and Bitches about how long-term relationships are hard they're no harder than an in person relationship in fact I think in person is more difficult.

Then I have a constant influx of people in my Facebook friend request box and I've accepted all of them and I just keep getting creepy dudes messaging me and I'm like I'm not looking for another partner and they don't understand what no means the first time around until you start talking like their mother would yell at them.

And then you get a fuck you fat bitch blah blah blah but you don't have a partner anyway blah blah blah and then I have to block them and it's like I'm not really looking for another partner because Baton Rouge is not really quality material people that would work well with me that I'm aware of. Because the people that hit on me are much much younger than me like to a creepy degree that bothers me. Or it's very old creepy men that you could not pay me to give them sugar. And I'm not looking to just jump into a relationship and fuck somebody they're going to have to fucking wait. I don't work like everybody else mentally. I just don't I don't know how to explain it I try to explain it with information I find online and videos so like people get an idea of what I Go through because I Don't Know how Else to articulate any of it.

It's frustrating because I think that is what gets me misunderstood and then I obviously have a propensity to be hyperverbal and have a very hard time stopping and holding on to thoughts. And we can look at the diagnosis that I have and figure out what's causing what and I know that I mention those things and that is generally compulsive but I'm not trying to like fit the bill. Because I know that many of these conditions overlap and cause the same problems or a cluster fuck of issues and symptoms that could be misdiagnosed for something else which I'm fully aware of but that's what I have in my chart.

I don't like the way that I am so often misinterpreted and I'm tired of trying to adjust myself to please other people even though I understand that this world was not made for people like me and not everyone is going to respond well to just how I speak and I know that I need to work on things but I do not want to minimize the very little things about me That make me myself that I couldn't verbalize to tell you what that is and I still don't know how to explain. I mean it would be like making a gay person straight you can't do that with someone that's autistic you can't make an autistic person alistic. I mean you can send them to all sorts of horrible therapies that fuck them up. And then it's just more therapy they will need after that to function properly. I understand there is some therapy for autism that does not fuck people up and helps people like me learn t you learn cues and how to function in this hell hole.

I'm also fully aware that there are plenty of mostly mentally healthy people that are losing their fucking minds because of the state of the world and probably patients Many therapists all over Baton Rouge and the globe.

Sometimes it's super frustrating because certain things in my brain just don't click into place and I know they're supposed to but I'm just sitting there trying very hard to understand but not understanding and not seeing what other people are saying no matter how hard I try to be aware of it

And then sometimes I'm aware of it and I cannot make myself fucking stop.

It's not for lack of trying.

And then if I was on medication for AD HD that worked then I would probably be a lot easier to talk with. I would probably get more shit done I would probably be a lot more organized I mean I'm a completely different person on that medicine. But I've already explained all of this to you so you're aware that I'm just raw dogging reality aside from anxiety medication And medical marijuana at night for pain reasons or for whatever the fuck I need it for pain and other reasons.

And I do not think that the marijuana or the anxiety medicine is causing me any issues. I don't really feel any different than I did taking it when I was younger. I wish my dose was 4 mg a day and so 3 but obviously I don't want to fuck with my tolerance and I was on 2 mg and now my psychiatrist is making me take all 3 and I hate it because I do want to be more alert and I don't want to be this sedated because it feels really weird.

And when I say it feels weird I mean I know I'm sedated like I'm calmer. Outwardly I am cool as a cucumber.

Inside I'm screaming I'm pounding the fucking walls I am flipping out I am constantly checking my fucking windows like a paranoid person. I'm terrified I am still hyperventilate and not all the time does the medicine actually keep me sedated very long because I'm an ultra fast metabolizer my geneticist ran all those pharmacy genetics testing on me and I'm not just talking about gene site.

She thinks I have some sort of genetic mutation but I won't see her till next Spring likely.

I can't wait to have all of that fucking testing done and over with so I can know exactly what the hell is going on with me that they can read. And then I can take about 50 weights off my fucking back.

[cryofanewbcrn]

Nearly dead- nearly gone;

Pinned post of cryofanewbcrn.

Hi, my name is Nayen (it/its only, please). I'm new to Monster Hunter rp, please be gentle with me.

This blog and it's lore are largely based on headcanon post-game wise. This blog's Oltura wasn't slain, but nearly killed. Dying, she takes to hiding away in the deep jungles of Hakolo, where she is found and nursed to a somewhat stable health by a stray Felyne that doesn't know what she's dealing with and took pity on Oltura.

Interactions with Oltura are always considered inperson and cannot happen non-f2f unless we are implementing some sort of telepathy lore.

Please read the rules underneath the cut before interacting- I will know if you haven't.

I'm 27 years old and live in Germany. I will have mature content be present on this blog, mostly in the form of violence, death, and sometimes, gore. If this troubles you, please be sure to save your own mental health and not follow.

I will not follow muns under the age of 20 for my own comfort.

This blog follows from my main blog, @shewholovedthem.

Oltura is an antagonistic character, but based on her nature as a Monster, she is not a VILLAIN any more than the Nergigante is. She can and does hold grudges, can and does have trauma, and as a being that doesn't understand this sort of thing, will act on it. - This means that Oltura is likely to become violent if she feels threatened. - Oltura is not a muse for your character to live their hero fantasies out on. She is crippled and disabled, yes, but she is still a massively powerful Elder Dragon, and whilst no longer in control of the power she once had, she is still capable of killing and will react to provocation.

There will be topics of animal cruelty and -death talked about on this blog, as that's essentially what monsters are, the way I see it.

Even though Oltura is more intelligent than most monsters, she is not human, and never will be, and as such, does not understand human language, customs, behaviour, or morality. She can learn little things here and there, but is unlikely to, due to her trauma-based innate hostility toward them.

Oltura is unshippable, even with other monsters, as I consider her a newborn of sorts. She has only just erupted from her larval form into her "mature" form, but I don't feel comfortable treating her as an adult of her species yet. - Platonic ships like friendship and found family are welcome and encouraged, but be warned that Oltura is hard to get through to.

I choose who I follow and interact with, and whom not with. Do not badger me, please. Respect my decisions.

I do not give my discord out to people I have not had extensive ooc interactions with.

If you want to plot, be my guest, but don't just approach me, ask to plot and then never make an offer and expect me to do all the heavy lifting of it. - I also suck at plotting extensively myself, and work best in a moment to moment sort of way, but I am welcoming still to plotting, or trying to anyway, so long as you're patient with me.

I do not touch ooc drama. I do not touch pro/antis/h/ip debate. This blog is for fun, it's a hobby, not to stress myself more out.

I will likely not use many icons on this blog because it's not easy for me to get material for them.

If you have any questions, let me know. I'm much friendlier than I sound like here, I promise- I am simply jaded and have had many traumatic experiences in the rp scene and feel the need to stake off my territory in terms of comfort.

I'm much more scared of you than you are of me.

I know my rules are a lot, but I really appreciate you taking the time to read them. Thank you so much!

Blog will be low activity because I am very low energy, and I prioritize certain interactions over others, simply because of mental illness reasons. Please don't take it harshly.

[fedzkun]

Villain Hunt Arc Meta: All For One’s Horrific Guide to Methodically Breaking Down Your Local OFA Holder

Ft. Turning the ‘Overpoweredness’ of OFA into a Setback, and AFO’s Successful Manipulations Of Midoriya Izuku

In which I also give AFO too much credit for all the pain he’s probably caused, and theorize that his plans to break Izuku actually started getting enacted even before he’d escaped Tartarus.

(A.k.a. me loving the angst because this is really good angst writing, but also hating it because the manga doesn’t come with a Angst with A Happy Ending tag unless you count Izuku’s ‘this is the story of how I became the greatest hero’ which isn’t really a guarantee of happiness )

So. What an arc! In the span of ten chapters (starting from the end of the War arc) Hori delivered a full-on Villain-looking, Vigilante Midoriya Izuku. Congratulations, Horikoshi, for finally introducing Akatani Mikumo!

The fast pacing and lack of breather panels are so fitting for this arc truly. AFO never gave them a moment’s rest. Yes, from henceforth as he’d promised... It’s always going to be his turn.

Izuku is making amazing progress with unlocking the full power of One For All. In his words, his abilities might as well already be on par with what a healthier All Might could do, and with no recoil to boot. Plus, there’s only one last quirk to unlock. For villain fights, I don’t think we need to worry about him losing, or him breaking anymore bones at this time.

Which, some might argue, makes Izuku too ‘OP.’

To start with, I want to talk first about the ‘overpoweredness’ of the One For All quirk. It’s a wonderful quirk truly, having inspired and amazed so many because of its sheer power. Used well, it could grant instant victories and restore the people’s wavering faith to the heroes. Because with a quirk like that on your side, everything’s going to be alright, right? There’s always gonna be that bit of hope that something is still strong enough to stand against the looming evil...right?

Yeah. That’s what the people who’d lived under All Might’s Era of Peace thought so too. History repeats.

OFA’s ‘OP-ness’ is both a great blessing and a great burden.

Here are some points on how the narrative has made OFA's 'overpoweredness' a setback:

1. All For One—that bastard—exploits the urge that comes with OFA. Just as ‘AFO the quirk’s’ goal is to steal OFA, OFA’s job is to defeat AFO, and Izuku is sacrificing himself to its cause.

Here’s another thing I want to point out: The conclusion that the heroes drew about AFO planning to capture Midoriya Izuku alive? In rereading, I’m starting to believe it’s nothing but a mere assumption of his plans. Aside from the deal made with Lady Nagant—of which I think AFO didn’t take seriously anyway and set her up for failure— (and while we as readers are already aware of his true intentions to wear Izuku down) it’s weird that nowhere had AFO directly mentioned to Izuku that he’s going to kidnap him and take his quirk from him.

2. OFA made Izuku so brilliant (e.g. Pros and former Pros alike going “This kid...”) that they really can't help but place all their hopes on him. Sighs. In an ideal world, this would be a dream come true of Izuku getting his due credit for all his heroic achievements Pro heroes have started to do to Izuku what they’ve done all their lives to All Might--which is to put him on the pedestal, while they fall back to cover him like guards/safety net. Hence, falling back to the One Pillar Model mindset.

3. OFA makes Izuku untouchable, not only to the villains, but also to his allies. Prime material to reinforce isolation. And if Izuku doesn't want to be caught, he won't make it easy for either side.

4. OFA IS SUS AF, OKAY? What are the Holders doing?! While gaining access to them makes it easier and convenient to have personal trainers in handling OFA, the vestiges prove to add a lot to Izuku’s mental load. If they’d allowed Izuku to come to the point of being caked with blood and filth, they’re not doing very well at guiding him. Realize that most of their arc interactions with Izuku is Quirk Talk. They, of all people, should know how AFO’s machinations work! Hey First, for the love of god, warn Izuku! He’s showing so many signs of being manipulated that you should be picking up on. please /sobs ;;

Tbf, like, I’m pretty sure that the Holders haven’t been as mentally okay either, which would feed into Izuku’s current mindset.

Now that the setbacks have been listed, let’s dive in to AFO’s plans to toy with Midoriya Izuku.

PHASE 1: Pre-Tartarus Breakout

Speaking of OFA being sus, there’s something that has been niggling at the back of my mind.

All For One basically tells Izuku: “You were my main interest that entire time I was in prison”. So, to pass the time in Tartarus (since he can’t use any(?) of his quirks), AFO has been doing nothing but apparently daydreaming and designing a personal hell for the Ninth Holder during that entire period. HOWEVER, it also made me wonder…

…Even before he’d broken out, had AFO made any moves at all in enacting his plans to break Izuku?

Yeah?

And here’s the kicker: he says that before Blackwhip bursted out.

AFO is a master manipulator. Assuming that Izuku doesn’t have any latent AFO quirk (for whatever reason *coughs* maybe dfo if you're a believer) or that Quirk Singularity has anything to do with it, what is the trigger to Izuku suddenly having access to Blackwhip?

I’d argue that it is All For One himself.

Why? What’s his goal? If you notice during the Joint Training arc, Izuku is feeling pretty confident about his progress. He’s rather happy and feeling blessed, and he is making leaps and bounds with base power OFA.

AFO can’t have that. He can’t allow the Ninth Holder to become too emotionally stable, or else he’d have a stronger will. So by somehow activating Blackwhip, AFO makes Izuku feel like he hasn’t made any progress with his quirk at all. During the evaluations, Izuku mentions that he still needs a lot to work on, and while not all of it is visible, with the way he behaves, it’s pretty evident that his self-confidence has taken a rather large hit.

But, wait! If AFO had tampered with OFA during the JT arc, paving the way to unlocking the rest (like he’d also done during the War arc when he tried to ‘steal’ it then), then wouldn’t AFO be sabotaging himself since he’d be making Izuku a more formidable opponent?

Sure. Except that the quirks inside OFA are mostly useless when it comes to the mental part of the fighting. The only thing they’re useful for is for the current Holder to be able to play keep-away in the physical realm. And AFO could easily just find counters for those through his work on Tomura.

You know how else the situation becomes advantageous for AFO? With every quirk unlocked, Izuku’s goalposts keep on getting away from him, and Izuku will always feel like he isn’t ready or prepared enough. Izuku will push and push himself to master OFA to its fullest, to become more powerful, at the cost of his mental/emotional stability and physical wellbeing as he wears himself down.

And every time Izuku grew more powerful, and became more ‘OP,’ he is burdened with all the aforementioned setbacks that came with it. He could be the most powerful person in the world, but it’s all for naught if he doesn’t take care of himself. This plan is both a high risk and high reward on AFO’s part, and as of the moment, with a bloody Izuku staggering all over, AFO is visibly reaping these high rewards.

PHASE 2: Post-Tartarus Breakout

He’s going to toy with Izuku until Izuku fucking breaks. What follows is his series of actions that instills the desired responses from Midoriya Izuku. Let’s see how the master manipulator plays this game of chess, shall we?

Izuku’s plan: Reach out to villains and try to save them.

AFO’s counter: Kill off those who turn their back against villainy and/or acknowledge Izuku as a true hero.

Izuku’s resulting response: Stop reaching out to villains. Gain an instant victory and move on.

After all, what do you get when you block a hero from showing sympathy? You get an unfeeling living weapon.

---

Izuku’s plan: Work with the top pro heroes to bring down AFO.

AFO’s counter: Make plans that will serve to highlight how the top pros are just slowing Izuku down. (e.g. Making moves while it’s raining, so as to divide them, but also to bring out No. 1 Hero Endeavor’s "slowness" in the rain. Nope, I don’t think that’s a throwaway line at all.)

Izuku’s resulting response: Grows more reckless, often leading the charge.

---

Izuku’s plan: Track AFO down.

AFO’s counter: Lead them to dead-ends. Or when they do supposedly reach something, endanger them.

Izuku’s resulting response: His tunnel vision worsens, as he grows more desperate.

---

Izuku’s plan: All Might following him around is okay since it would help All Might from worrying so much, and Izuku could simultaneously keep an eye on and protect All Might.

AFO’s counters: There are a lot to really fuck with this bond, damn you AFO.

Taint that passing the torch memory of ‘You’re Next.’

Declare that All Might no longer interests him. Liar. He outright stated before that he’s one for keeping a grudge

Send another assassin to Izuku [Underlying Message: You yourself are a walking danger zone to those whom you dearly care for.]

Izuku’s resulting response:

Interpret that memory of ‘You’re Next’ as taking up the position of being AFO’s shiny new plaything, and therefore supposedly sparing All Might from the torment (Unfortunately, making Izuku push AM away is just part of the torment ;A;)

Think that AM is no longer in the direct line of fire as long as AFO focuses on Izuku

Finally, push his last line of morale support away, and completely isolate himself.

Btw, I wonder how All Might feels about Izuku using Nana's quirk to get away from him.

---

The suffering doesn’t end.

Izuku’s plan: Save people.

AFO’s counters: (possibly offscreen) Send more villains and assassins to torment Izuku some more with the knowledge that he can’t save them. Sending villains out also puts innocents in danger.

Izuku’s resulting response: He won’t stop for anything. He won’t sleep, won’t eat, won’t slow down. He will always do his best to save as long as someone is in danger.

His body will keep on moving and moving and MOVING on its own.

--- All For One is very effective as a supervillain. He has managed to make the heroes think that his only goal is to capture Izuku alive for his quirk. He has Izuku right where he wants him: dancing to his tune at the palm of his hand, utterly toyed with, left with no escape in sight.

Psychologically vaulted.

.

.

.

PHASE 3

And so, if Izuku is being manipulated to drive himself further and further into self-destruction, what then is there left for All For One to do?

So much more. Because, my god, I think AFO has mastered the art of traumatizing the OFA Holders.

All For One once told All Might, “I will destroy all that you’ve protected.” And boy, is he delivering. He's definitely not done with AM btw.

First, he destroys All Might's image. And he is manipulating Izuku to drive himself to that point. To looking into his absolute worst.

And when that point arrives, AFO will hammer the final nail home.

Something like...

BEHOLD

JAPAN’S SYMBOL OF PEACE.

And oh, how it'll hurt. To see All Might's pride and joy be flaunted about as looking nothing like a hero to the masses, for him to be so utterly humiliated.

"See what I did to All Might's successor."

AFO will be banking upon the possibility that the angry masses will not want to be saved by whom they're tricked into viewing as someone that's the cause of all the pain. Izuku might have the willpower to stay true to his resolve, but with him on the verge of total breakdown, what would happen when he is shunned by the very people he is trying to help?

I once wrote a post about how the current events seem to be a bastardization of Izuku's wildest fantasies: he's working with the top pros, he has the most powerful quirk, and he's working with All Might (whom technically acts as a sidekick to him rn).

AFO has warped all that into a never-ending nightmare. And Izuku...

Izuku is really in need of saving.

Last thoughts:

Let me just say that it shouldn't be a competition about who gets to get through to Izuku. Right now, he’s gonna need all the help he can get, and it can’t be delivered by only one or two people. Saving Izuku is going to be a team effort, a solid support system that sees Izuku as their classmate/friend/student/actual person that they care about. And there’s sufficient space for that.

More hands reaching out means more chances to catch him if he falls.

[quickspinner]

sorry if i sound desperate. i really love reading all your work, your characterization is probably my favorite by far. i was wondering if you were going to do a WIP report soon?

Aww thank you friend! Unfortunately all I have as far as a WIP report is that my kids start school soon so our schedule will by necessity be more stable. 😂 I have nothing to offer at the moment but hope.

So far this year we've had medical emergencies, medical not-emergencies that we're still difficult and time consuming to deal with, family vacations that didn't go according to plan, sickness after sickness (can I please be done with colds for the year please please please of course not I have a kid in preschool), and I've been dreading these first three weeks of August for months for all the exhausting, difficult, and emotionally draining stuff we have going on.

But we're almost through it! Just one more week and things should (please please please) even out. I can't promise an immediate burst of activity, but I am planning to try and wrench back some time and focus for my own mental and physical well being, including writing. It just might take a little recharge time before I get there. The next chapter of Indelible has all the bones and just needs the bits that glue everything together, and the chapter after that has been written for a long time and will mostly only need editing to bring it in line with the current story. I don't want to jinx anything so I'm not making any promises, but there is hope. I'm focusing on Indelible and when it's finished I plan to go hard on Guard My Heart. I want to focus on finishing the stories that are published, especially the ones that are gifts for other people, first and foremost. Some of them have been super patient and I really want to deliver.

A sprint fic or prompt fic might pop up here and there as I work to get the wheels turning again. At the risk of sounding like I'm hunting for praise, getting comments really helps! I haven't had a chance to answer my last set yet but it really does cheer up a day even when people leave simple comments to say they are re-reading a work or something like that. It doesn't give me more time in the day (man wouldn't that be awesome) but it does remind me how much I love what I do.

I wish I had something more concrete to say but 2022 is determined to kick my ass so I am giving up making predictions and promises, but I hope alongside you that all the stuff I've been dealing with this month will result in significantly reduced stress and more free time down the road, and that it won't be too far down the road. Don't despair!

In the meantime if you haven't already done so, you can check out my AO3 bookmarks for other authors I love that you might enjoy!

To you and all my readers, thanks for sticking with me through the rough patches and tough times, I appreciate all of you! 💜

[shadyteacup]

HELLO..... i am absolutely going crazy at new aku content cuz there's barely any new contnt for him SO IM HERE.... to ask for more 🕵️🕵️🕵️if thats ok UEVDJF. can i msybe ask.... established relationship late night date.... a walk in the park.... or idk maybe some domestic stuff... or protective aku... THE POSSIBILITIES R ENDLESS 🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️its ur choice BUT maybe... protective boyfie aku... me thinks very romantic SJDBF SORRY THIS ASK MSKES NO SENSE BUT THANKS FOR READING AND FOR FEEDING THE AKU NATION UR WRITINGS A BOP ❤️❤️🌷

Hiyaa! I made this around the idea of protective Aku. I hope u like it! I wanted to make it special and a little 👄spicy👄 for u.. sorry if it took too long!

Akutagawa Ryunosuke x gn! Reader|| Warnings: Slight nsfw(kissing), one swear word(I think)|| word count: 627.

My Eyes Only

"Ryu, what do you think?"

You stood in front of the mirror, turning from time to time to examine your outfit. Akutagawa was on a chair outside your room. You had invited him to sit inside, but he was too shy.

On hearing your words, he got up and peeped inside.

"You can come in, dumbass. You act as if you haven't seen me naked before."

He blushes at your words and coughs.

"Shut up."

Finally entering the room, he spots you by the mirror and freezes in his place.

You felt nervous. Did he not like it? Did you look stupid in it?

"Is this.. do I .. I look stupid, don't I."

You stated with a sigh.

He shook his head and walked over to you, grabbing your shoulders.

You looked up at him, confusion written all over your face.

Suddenly, he bent down to kiss you. You immediately reacted, tracing your palms along his chest to finally unite behind his neck. His hand gripped your waist, pulling you closer. You both were chest to chest, with absolutely zero space in between. His other hand snaked behind your neck to your head. He pulled your face even closer to deepen the kiss. It was all too much. You were lost in the sensations of his teeth, his tongue, but mostly his knee that forced its way between your legs. You mentally  applauded your knees for staying stable for so long. Given the intensity of this kiss, you had expected them to be mush by now.

Pulling back for air, the two of you gazed into each other's eyes. Your breaths fanned on each other, foreheads touching.

"W-what.. was that for?"

You asked, so turned on and out of breath.

"You look fucking gorgeous in this outfit. I can't help but want to tear if off of you."

You gasped. Your cheeks turned redder, if that's even possible, and your body agreed with him. Your body wanted him to rip all clothing off.

"We can't do that right now. We have to go out!"

Akutagawa grunts in response, too busy checking you out.

"Who cares, Y/N."

True, who gives a shit. But you were going out with Gin, and you both had been planning this for way too long to just abandon it.

"I can't not go."

He sighed.

"Whatever. Just don't wear that."

You were dumbstruck.

"I thought you liked it?"

He pushed you off gently, then made his way out the door. He stopped at the doorway to look back at you.

"If I wanted to rip it off, imagine what others would want to do."

You raised a brow.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He sighed, giving you a look.

"I can't control myself when I see you in that. And I get to have you everyday. Imagine what those starved souls would do when they see you like this. I'll have to sever their heads off to stop them from drooling."

He turned around and walked out the door, shutting it partially.

"I don't want to kill anyone, because I made a stupid promise to that Jinko. But if anyone even looks at you weirdly, I wouldn't think twice before pulling their intestines out."

You winced at his graphic words.

"Change into something else. Please don't make me break my promise."

You knew he was violent, but he did it for you. Your heart was thumping at a 1000 kmph, and you couldn't help but want to take him right there.

"Okay. Whatever you say, daddy."

His ears perked up at that.

"Don't."

You giggled, knowing full well what effect your little slip up had had on him.

It was going to be a long night for you two when you returned.

[anon-e-miss]

Where's ostaros right now?

"Y're up!" Jazz exclaimed with surprise when he entered Prowl's treatment room and found him standing, looking at one of the drawings Sunstreaker had done.

"In a fashion," Prowl replied. He was hold onto a metal frame, a walker of sorts that kept him stable. His doorwings were still covered in mesh sleeves and heavily splinted. It was still a marked improvement.

"I didn't expect ya to be takin' even bitty steps so quick," Jazz said. "I shouldn't o' underestimated ya. Never met anyone that bounces back as quick."

"I do not care to malinger," Prowl said. "The Twins appear to be doing well."

"They are," Jazz nodded. "Rung's got a report wit'em. They don't understand all that he did to ya. I hope they never do."

"I as well," Prowl agreed. "I would preferred not to scream, not to scare them but when I heard them, I had to mask them, so he did not hear."

"Prowl, 'm grateful for everythin' ya did to protect them. I wanna talk, maybe ya wanna sit..."

"I am not delicate," Prowl said, staring Jazz down as only he could. Ratchet had matched the icy blue of his natural optic perfectly. The replacement had identical power.

"Ya got... Primus, tortured, eaten, raped, it ain't delicate to sit down to talk 'bout it."

"He did not destroy anything that was mine."

"What do ya mean by that."

"Tarantulas modded my frame, specifically my valve to specifically line up with the fixtures of his spike. He was careful to ensure only his exact spike would trigger lubricant product or pleasure. Vortex could not eat my spike because I have not had one in vorns."

"Scrap," Jazz cursed. Prowl was still standing but he was leaning too hard on the frame, his arms trembled under the strain. Jazz slowly reached for Prowl, put his arm around his back and guided him to the berth. "Ratchet had no idea, or he woulda helped ya."

"I did not want everyone to know I had been his personal frag drone," Prowl replied. "It seemed... once it was decided I had been a traitor, it was easier not to reveal what had actually happened. Especially with Chromedome in the mix."

"He's still talkin' slag, I hope ya know... don't seem right to have ya caught off guard."

"Chromedome is a classical bully. He had no self confidence and must put others down to feel powerful. It enrages him that I ignore him and his rumours. That suits me."

"I like that way o' lookin' at it," Jazz smiled, and he sat on the berth next to Prowl, their legs dangling over the side. It was a quintessential Prowl way of looking at things and Jazz could only now appreciate it, and him. "I didn't actually come here to talk 'bout CD 'n his slag though."

"I would imagine not," Prowl replied, voice soft. He looked tired, mentally perhaps even more than physically.

"I got glyph that Vortex is dead," Jazz explained. "Bit o'm been turnin' up in Darkmount, mostly in his gestalt's habsuite, but his rotors got left on Megs' berth."

"Tarantulas," Prowl wheezed. He shook and Jazz did not know if he should put his arm around the other mech. Restraint and empathy warred until Jazz offered Prowl his servo. Prowl took it as he bared his denta. "It is not for my sake, at all, his anger. He does not care at all for my pain, my suffering. He cares that Vortex meddled with his work, ruined his work. I have only ever been a doll to Tarantulas."

"He won't get to ya in Iacon," Jazz promised. "If he's leavin' presence in Darkmount, then he's close. 'M thinkin' he's probably hidin' out 'round the Dead End. He'd have easy fuel."

"He has a preference for building labs in sewers," Prowl revealed. "He told me civilized mechanisms turned their olfactory ridges up at patrolling sewers."

"I'll be deployin' soon as yer outta here," Jazz said, "'n in safe servos. I got my ori 'n town to watch the Twins. He made a good point, ya can't go home alone. Gonna be awhile before ya can really take care o' yerself without wearing yerself to the struts, 'n longer before ya can fight off a freak. Y'll be safe wit Ori as yer watch dog."

"You want me to move into your habsuite when Ratchet releases me," Prowl said.

"No eight-legged freak, or two-legged creep can get passed my security, let alone Ori," Jazz replied. "The Twins'll like bein' yer nurse."

"I did not mean for them to get so attached," Prowl said. "They just needed to get away."

"'M glad they had a place to retreat to wit ya," Jazz said. "'M sorry I didn't see that. 'M sorry I called ya bitlet eater."

"You already apologized."

"Not enough. I spoke to Cheetor. Ya saved 'm from bein' eaten. Ya put yerself in harms way. After that, I said that to ya. I can't imagine how those glyphs hurt."

"I am used to being hated," Prowl replied.

"'N 'm sorry for that too," Jazz said. "Ya don't deserve it."

"Sometimes I do," Prowl said. "I do not care how mechanisms feel, Jazz. Not when the grand scheme of war and battle are at play. I care about survival and very little else. I am too pragmatic to make tactical decisions based on what would be the popular choice."

"They resisted ya evacuatin' the base," Jazz said. "They dragged their peds."

"Retreat is cowardly," Prowl replied. "Or so says Countdown. I do not care if I am called a coward. Better a living coward than a brave corpse."

"Here, here."

[angelkurenai]

Imagine being in a relationship with Dean, but when you finally start to make things more serious, you start to distance yourself and keep quiet from him. Being worried he might have ruined the best thing to ever happen to him and despite his insecurities, Dean decides to have a talk with you to figure out what’s wrong.

“What?” Dean's voice was gruff, still far too early for him to speak or stand in the first place especially since he hasn't had his coffee yet, but he did repeat with a frown at his brother “What?”

“Huh?” Sam blinked, looking away from your still – maybe far too still to be normal – form, hunched over your steaming cup of coffee, to look at his brother who had one raised eyebrow at him already “Oh uh, I- What did you say again?”

“I asked you. What's the matter man?” Dean blinked slowly compared to his brother who blinked too fast.

“No, nothing's the- You know actually-” Sam cleared his throat, turning more towards his brother and lowering his voice “I've just- I was looking at (Y/n) and I've noticed that lately some things are different, like- like this morning, and I've been meaning to ask you but I didn't know if I should so I just-”

“Sam” Dean said in a rough voice “Too early. Too many words. Cut to it.”

“Is she alright?” he asked with actual worry both on his face and in his voice “Cause I- I was paying attention to some things and she really doesn't seem like herself. I would've asked her but, while I'm her best friend, I didn't know if it was entirely my place to. So I thought I should ask you, seeing how attached to the hip you two are. Is (Y/n) alright?”

“I-” Dean started but frowned even more, his eyes immediately jumping to take in your form at the moment as he tilted his head to the side in confusion and deep thought “I don't-”

“You don't? Don't what, Dean? Don't know? She's your girlfriend, for crying out loud!” Sam whispered-hissed at his brother.

“I just- She seemed fine to me all this time! I never noticed a thing out of the ordinary. She's acting the same way she always did around me!” Dean shrugged, voice also hushed “No, really, that's how it's always been. Our relationship is the same too, maybe better than ever! I mean-” a smile, or more like a proud grin, started lifting the corners of his lips as he looked a bit into the distance in thought “If last night was any indicator, we are certainly better than ever!”

“You- what?” Sam narrowed his eyes at his brother with a tilt of his head.

“You know, I was a bit tired after the case, but then she came out of the shower wearing my shirt and you know how one thing can lead to another, and I really couldn't help. It was oof-” Dean blew out a breath “Wow, really, wow. So much of-” Dean had started recounting the events of the previous night with a coy smile on his face, until Sam interrupted him.

“Dean. Dean! Hey, not- not the point here, yes? And I'm certainly not interested in being scared for life by the mental images that would inevitably invade my mind, please and thank you.” the younger Winchester pointed out, effectively cutting him off also with a look that made Dean's smile vanish and the man sober up and get more serious “Our point here is (Y/n) and whether she is alright or not.”

“She-” Dean paused, letting out a short huff before straightening his back “Hey, honey? (Y/n)?”

“Hmh? What?” you asked slowly, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes as you finally looked at something but your coffee, your boyfriend.

“Are you alright?” he asked caringly still.

“Define alright.” you said back with a serious face and they shared a look “Alright as in alright with an asteroid striking earth and killing everyone this morning or alright as in alright with passing out and sleep the rest of my life off with occasional breaks for midnight snacks?”

It took a couple seconds for any of the Winchesters to speak, only silence having followed save for the sound of the coffee machine, as they both stood there for a couple seconds only blinking”Alright as in... alright? Alright as in functioning properly as a human being and being... mentally stable perhaps?”

“Oh” you blinked, only twice, in understanding before shaking your head “No, then. No.” you went back to staring at your coffee, waiting for it to cool down and letting silence hang in the air but for a shorter amount of time before you added “As for mentally stable though, I think I've got something close to it. My mind is in a stable situation as in a never-changing state.”

“Never-changing state? Wh-what would that be?”

“You know, normal stuff.” you shrugged, eyes still laced with sleep “Like an internet browser.”

“You mean... like a computer? Sharp and with a good memory?”

“No, I mean like a browser. Fifteen tabs are open, seven of them are frozen and I don't know where the music is coming from.” you said with a casual shrug “But there's nothing new about it. 'S pretty much the story of my life, how I've always been. 24/7 and it stays the same, so don't worry.”

“I-” Sam frowned even more deeply, blinking in confusion again before shaking his head and turning his head abruptly to look at his brother and mostly glare at him, before he whispered “You call this alright?”

“Well, just between you and I... yeah!” Dean shrugged “That's how she is man, we both know it.”

“Well, yes, obviously. But today she seems to be even more of... that! Seriously, Dean-” Sam sighed deeply, shaking his head “Work with me for a moment here, ok? Really do. Think well about this. Has something happened that could affect her? Something that maybe... you don't even know about? Something that she wouldn't tell you for one reason or another?”

“Not tell me? Why would she not-”

“I don't know. I mean-” Sam shrugged, face going more serious this time around “Does she have a reason to? Is there something there that would cause it? Is... Is everything ok between the two of you?”

“Of course, why else-” Dean started, defending himself and what you had, before it slowly started downing on him and he stopped abruptly, going serious immediately “I'll- I will go talk to her.”

“Are you sure about that? I mean, maybe you should wait a bit? Think this trough?” there was clear doubt in both Sam's voice and face, not that it deterred the older Winchester in the least bit. He was far too busy being worried abut other things than him messing up.

“Yeah, I've got this. Don't worry, I'll clear it all up.” he reassured his brother though Sam looked anything but reassured.

“Doubt that but alright, whatever you say.” Sam sighed “Just- Make sure to be calm. Be careful about this.”

Though Dean barely paid attention to half of the words, he gave a nod at his brother – which, alright, looked more dismissive than anything else – before making his way towards you.

“Hey, honey.” he said softly, slowly reaching out to take hold of your hand; the only thing you did was hum in acknowledgment, eyes focus on stirring your coffee.

“Alright uhm-” he cleared his throat, glancing at his younger brother who was looking closely at the two of you in concern “Hey, sweetheart, are you- How are you feeling today?” he corrected himself when he realized his previous question had already gotten an answer, albeit weird one.

“Oh just a lil bit tired. 'S all. But what else is new?” you shrugged, finally moving to slowly take a large sip of your coffee and sigh in content.

“I understand, the case was a bit tough for all of us. But things will get better, we'll take a break for some time if need be.” he nodded his head slowly, his fingers playing with yours as he hesitated for another second “I just- You know, you seem a bit off, so I- I couldn't help but feel slightly concerned about you. And I know you said you are ok but I wanted... I neededto ask you again if everything is really alright... between us?” his question managed to make you look up from your cup with a deepening frown and tilt of your head, fact that only put him even more on edge and made him worry even more.

“You felt concerned?” you question, glancing at Sam the same second he did.

“Yeah, I- well, we both did. But I even more so, you understand. So I just wanted to ask you. And honey, if- if I ever did anything, if I wronged you somehow, if- gosh, if I hurt you even, I am so sorry. I didn't- I didn't even realize it, I get so caught up with our hunts sometimes that... maybe I even neglect you. Some kind of boyfriend, I am.” he scoffed at himself, shaking his head “I know I suck sometimes, but you know I love you more than anything. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me and to know that I might have somehow ruined this in any way, even in the slightest, hurts as hell. So I want you to tell me, I want us to talk, so I- so I can do my utmost to fix it. Something. Anything. So I can be better for you.”

“Fix it?” the more you only repeated his words in that careful, low tone the more the man panicked on the inside that things were much more wrong than he knew and wondered if there even was any fixing it.

“I- Well, I hope?” he asked slowly, before squeezing your hand “I just want us to be alright and it's clear that we're not. You just seem off and I was hoping you could talk to me about it, that I could change it. Is there anything I can do? Anything you need from me? Anything at all. You just tell me and I promise-”

“Well, since you started this-” you shrugged, straightening your back “I wasn't going to mention this but, yes, maybe you are right. There is something great I need, that I almost can't live without, and that I feel like I've been missing all this time. I really don't know how to tell you but in every relationship we must also think of ourselves, not our partner. There is no use in suffering just to make the other happy, it's not healthy. So I guess, enough is enough after some point, right?” you asked and he gave a weak nod “Dean-” you sighed heavily as he looked at you with almost wide, terrified eyes “I really need some space.”

Sam held his breath as he watched with almost wide eyes on his own the scene unfold before him, expecting anxiously his brother's reaction. He really hoped he didn't overreact, though, that his words were carefully thought, calm and collected instead of-

“You're breaking up with me?!” Dean nearly yelped the exclaim and Sam couldn't help but roll his eyes. There went the first option of a civilized conversation, right out of the window.

You held his gaze for a couple more seconds, face completely blank before you finally snapped or close to it as you punched Dean on the shoulder “You're taking up all the bed you little piece of shit! I just need some space to sleep comfortably without having the fear of ending up on the floor, you idiot! I haven't been able to sleep well for the entire week because of you just sprawl out on the damn bed and take up all of the freaking space!”

When a kick on the foot under the table followed, Sam couldn't help but snort and let the smile rest on his lips. Relief, no doubt ten times bigger, washed over his brother though Sam wasn't sure for how long it would last.

“I'm so-”

“Oh no, you don't get to apologize! You don't get to say shit about this Winchester. I barely slept two hours last night, two freaking hours! All the while you were sprawled and snoring softly and murmuring in your sleep and enjoying your time in freaking dreamland like Sleeping Beauty!” but you apparently could snap harder and much as it made Dean back down with wide eyes, Sam was thoroughly enjoying it “So you want to be a good boyfriend and really try to make our relationship work? How about you start with the freaking basics such as letting me survive! Cause last time I checked lack of sleep is detrimental to one's health.”

“I- I will. I promise, I-”

“You fucking better.” you hissed, glaring at him before you grabbed your cup and got up, pausing only to look at Sam but with less menace because, in all honesty, he wasn't the one that wouldn't let you sleep “See? That's why I didn't like falling in love! Before you know it you sacrifice everything that's important to you for the other one. From sleep to your favorite cake! At least back then I didn't have to share my bed with anyone, it was all mine. And gosh, I will forever mourn that last piece I didn't get to eat. See, back when we weren't together he would have never dared do something like that! Now he has the audacity to do than and think that makeup sex will solve everything.” you scoffed shaking your head before muttering “Have a good day Sammy.” and exiting the kitchen.

“You have a nice day, too, honey.” Dean said albeit a bit more hesitantly, voice small.

“Don't tell me what to do!” you yelled both so that he could hear you and so that he knew you were far from alright “And stay the fuck away from my leftover fries!”

“I- alright.” Dean let out a breath, eyes wide before he shook his head and cleared his throat “Ok, well, it's safe to say that we don't have to wonder or worry anymore, right? So, silver lining.”

“Well, that did look like an (Y/n) who hasn't slept well, so yes it's safe to say we can be sure about what troubles her. Though I don't think that you're far from done.”

“No, yeah, I had no such illusion.” Dean sighed, getting his cup and taking a sip “I'm definitely gonna be sleeping on the floor for the next week.”

“Hmm maybe make it two?”

[robininthelabyrinth]

i loved your mingjue/jiang cheng fic so much! if you're inspired, maybe something about the wedding or their siblings reacting?

sequel to this 

--

In their defense, neither Nie Mingjue nor Jiang Cheng were especially good at being romantic – and anyway it wasn’t supposed to be a romantic arrangement in the first place.

It was an arranged marriage for political benefits. Unlike his parents, Jiang Cheng wouldn’t be so foolish as to get his heart involved when it came to one of those.

Sure, now that matters had been arranged and the contracts all signed, they were able to relax a little and spend time together as friends and future spouses rather than as mere allies, sitting together late into the night and speaking freely instead of making excuses to avoid saying the wrong time.

And yes, obviously Jiang Cheng was significantly more invested in showing Nie Mingjue around the Lotus Pier – around Yunmeng generally, even. After all, it wasn’t just politeness now - Nie Mingjue was going to be the second master here, just as Jiang Cheng would be second master at the Unclean Realm; that was what they’d agreed on, an equal balance that respected both of their commitments to their homes.

As for why Jiang Cheng made a point of taking Nie Mingjue’s hand into his when they walked around – well, that was just logic, too. Jiang Cheng didn’t especially enjoy the physical touch of strangers, which would be an impediment to marriage, but he was determined to make this arrangement between them work.

And for someone like him, who wasn’t naturally talented, that meant –

“Practice,” he said, putting his hand into Nie Mingjue’s.

“Practice,” he reminded him when they sat by the dock, until Nie Mingjue yielded and put his arm around him.

“Practice,” he said pointedly, raising his face for a good-night kiss.

“It’s nice to meet someone else who appreciates practice as being worthwhile in its own right,” Nie Mingjue remarked a little later, while they were waiting for Jiang Cheng to remember how to breathe. “My brother is always complaining that there’s no point to training day in and day out if you’re just doing the same things over and over again, but there’s no other way to build a strong foundation. Don’t you agree?”

Jiang Cheng nodded, pressing a palm to one of his cheeks, which were red for some reason. Probably the same reason his heart kept beating too fast – really, this was why he needed to practice. If he collapsed every time they engaged in the smallest bit of physical intimacy, this marriage would be called out as a sham immediately by anyone who saw them, and Jiang Cheng wasn’t willing to endure what his parents had.

Luckily, Nie Mingjue seemed to feel similarly on the subject, and raised no objections to Jiang Cheng’s proposed approach. Best of all, he didn’t do anything in the other direction, either: no silly romantic gestures Jiang Cheng would be required to match, no secret expectations that Jiang Cheng would inevitably disappointed.

No: when Nie Mingjue brought him gifts, they were practical ones, like a new sheath for Sandu or more ink when he was nearly out. Once he’d brought him an assortment of snacks typical to Qinghe, since they’d agreed that any visit by Jiang Cheng would have to wait until the Lotus Pier was a little more stable, but that was practical, too: it wouldn’t do for him to get sick from the local food once he arrived.

Nothing romantic.

Just like Jiang Cheng wasn’t romantic, either. Getting up earlier than usual to train alongside Nie Mingjue was just courtesy, and spending time together doing paperwork until he fell asleep on Nie Mingjue’s shoulder was just properly allocating the little free time they had.

Neither of them were romantic, and it was a relief.

Jiang Cheng had always lived in fear of having to try to sweet-talk someone, but luckily Nie Mingjue found the poisonous lash of his tongue far more amusing – anything even remotely resembling an endearment made Nie Mingjue look lost and awkward, which was about the same for Jiang Cheng.

It made it much easier.

It did also, Jiang Cheng later admitted, make it a lot easier to miss.

-

“Do you two ever talk about anything other than reconstruction?” Nie Huaisang moaned, his head under his hands. Jiang Cheng had come for his first visit to Qinghe, a short weekend jaunt when his existing plans had been unexpectedly cancelled and the Lotus Pier progressing nicely even without constant supervision. “This is the most boring dinner I’ve ever attended. Ever!”

“We talk about cultivation, too,” Nie Mingjue pointed out – quite justly, in Jiang Cheng’s mind.

“That’s not better, da-ge!”

“I like talking about cultivation,” Jiang Cheng offered. “And reconstruction.”

Nie Huaisang gave him a look that suggested he’d betrayed their ancient friendship (which Jiang Cheng wasn’t sure several months of suffering Wei Wuxian’s presence next to each other qualified as, but whatever). “Have you ever talked about anything else?”

“…the war?”

“Hopeless,” Nie Huaisang declared.

Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes over his head at Nie Mingjue, who just looked amused. “I’m going to sleep; I just flew the whole way here,” he said. “And don’t forget that you promised you’d show me around in the morning, Sect Leader Nie.”

“Of course, Sect Leader Jiang. You can meet me by the western training grounds when you wake up; we can leave once we’ve finished morning exercise.”

Jiang Cheng nodded, the plan sounding good to him. He stood up and tapped Nie Mingjue on the arm pointedly in warning – they’d agreed on a signal that indicated when a gesture for physical affection was welcome, since both of them were war veterans with a tendency to spook at unexpected gestures that came too close – before leaning down to claim his good-night kiss before heading out.

“You can show me your fans tomorrow as well, Huaisang –”

“Stop right there!” Nie Huaisang shrieked. “What was that?!”

Jiang Cheng blinked at him. “A…blatantly dismissive offer to let you torture me with your stupid fans for a shichen or so even though I clearly don’t want to?”

Nie Mingjue snorted. He really did find Jiang Cheng funny, and Jiang Cheng still found that bizarre.

“Not that! The kissing! You kissed my da-ge!”

“Well, yes,” Jiang Cheng said. “We’re getting married. It’s important to set up habits early to –”

He was about to explain the idea of practice, but Nie Huaisang seemed disinterested in that, jumping up from his seat and waving his hands around about why he hadn’t been informed yet.

In fairness, Jiang Cheng highly doubted Nie Huaisang understood the idea of practice in any form, so it was probably just wasting his breath.

“Stop fussing,” Nie Mingjue said. “I’m going to let you help plan the wedding.”

“That isn’t the point! You should have told me!”

“Am I required for this conversation?” Jiang Cheng asked.

“No, he’s just making a fuss.”

“I am not. And, no, Jiang-xiong, but thanks for offering – I’ll have words for you in the morning, probably. I can’t think of any right now.”

“Words?”

“Threatening words of some variety,” Nie Huaisang explained.

Jiang Cheng thought that was fair enough, given that he was marrying Nie Huaisang’s beloved brother. “Tomorrow, then. Good night, Huaisang, Sect Leader Nie.”

“Why do you still call each other by your titles?” he heard Nie Huaisang complaining as he left. “You’re going to get married…!”

Because we’ve only just become engaged and change is hard, obviously, Jiang Cheng thought, rolling his eyes.

Nie Huaisang really just didn’t understand things sometimes.

-

Jiang Yanli made a point of visiting the Lotus Pier on a regular basis, her doting new husband in tow, and Jiang Cheng was there to greet her every time.

This time was no different, and he showed her around the most newly rebuilt areas before bringing her back for lunch.

“When are you two going to give me happy news?” he said, aiming for teasing but mostly coming off grumpy. “You’re already married – there’s no reason to wait to have children.”

“Give it time, A-Cheng,” Jiang Yanli laughed while Jin Zixuan rolled his eyes but generally looked too happy to protest. “What about you, though? What’s your happy news?”

Jiang Cheng blinked at her, running through their conversation so far in his mind. He’d updated her on all the important things: the new pier district, the housing for war veterans, the new orphanage…he’d even mentioned the new dam they were constructing.

Had he omitted something?

“Your neck,” Jin Zixuan said.

That didn’t exactly clarify anything, and Jiang Cheng looked at him, utterly bewildered.

Jin Zixuan covered his eyes. “You have a mark on your neck,” he said. “It doesn’t look like an insect.”

Jiang Cheng got up to go look in the mirror, and sure enough, he did. It would have been covered by his collar, but it was a hot day and he’d been sweating, so the collar had dipped down just enough to show.

“Oh, that,” he said, making a mental note to tell Nie Mingjue to aim a little lower next time.

Jiang Yanli laughed, but Jin Zixuan’s expression looked a little more serious, and a moment later he asked Jiang Yanli if she happened to have any of that particular delicacy he’d enjoyed last time. She did, and she excused herself from the room to go get it.

Jin Zixuan turned the serious expression onto Jiang Cheng. “If it’s not anything serious, tell Yanli now. She’s convinced that you’re marrying whoever it is that left the mark on your neck, and I don’t want her to be disappointed.”

“Of course I’m marrying them,” Jiang Cheng said. “Who in the world would I allow that close to my neck if I wasn’t planning to –”

That was about when he remembered Jin Zixuan’s father and broke out into awkward coughing as he frantically searched for a subject change. “While you’re waiting for jiejie, why don’t you try some of these pastries?” he tried. “They were brought over from Qinghe.”

Despite the obviousness of Jiang Cheng’s conversational dodge, Jin Zixuan’s expression eased significantly and he looked happy again. “No, that’s fine. That’s good! What’s her name?”

“Sect Leader Nie,” Jiang Cheng said.

“No, not the one who brought you the pastries – the person you’re marrying.”

“Sect Leader Nie.”

“No, I meant –”

“I’m answering your question.”

“…oh.”

Jiang Yanli came back shortly with the little delicacy and looked surprised at how Jin Zixuan looked as if he’d been punched several times in the face – without any swelling, though, so it hadn’t actually happened. “What’s the matter?”

“He’s being weird over the fact that I’m marrying Sect Leader Nie,” Jiang Cheng said with a scowl. “I don’t know why.”

“Sect Leader Nie?” Jiang Yanli said, putting down the tray. “Oh, he seemed very nice. Do you like him?”

“I think we’re well matched?” he said, a little hesitantly. Like was such a strong word, after all. “He’s refreshingly low-key.”

Jin Zixuan muttered something incoherent under his breath, possibly something about Baxia not being low-key in the slightest, but Jiang Cheng ignored him.

“I’m sure he’ll make you very happy,” Jiang Yanli said, with a slight touch of their mother’s steeliness in her eyes suggested that he’d better. “Have you started planning the wedding yet?”

“No, not yet. We’ve drafted the contract, but we’re taking a little bit of time to make sure we’re compatible before proceeding with the details.”

“Good idea,” she said, and the memories in her eyes were the same as his – they both loved their parents dearly, but that was not a marriage experience either of them wished to repeat. “Well, let us know when you make the official announcement and we’ll toast to you.”

“I won’t tell my father ahead of time,” Jin Zixuan put in suddenly. “I promise.”

“…thanks,” Jiang Cheng said, not entirely sure what the point of the offer was – Jin Guangshan would find out eventually, one way or another – but aware that Jin Zixuan was trying to do something nice. “I appreciate it. Jiejie, would you like to try some Qinghe delicacies? Sect Leader Nie left them behind when he left.”

“I most certainly would.”

-

There were various phrases Jiang Cheng could live his entire life without hearing, and The Yiling Patriarch just attacked the Nie sect delegation was probably one of the top ones.

He ran over at once.

Luckily, Wei Wuxian was not, in fact, attacking the Nie sect; he was mostly just yelling at Nie Mingjue, who hadn’t even drawn Baxia and mostly looked (if you knew him well enough to read the gradation of scowl on his face) as if he was trying very hard not to laugh. That was probably why Lan Xichen, who was standing nearby with his stone-faced brother at his side, didn’t seem inclined to interfere, though he mostly looked confused.

“What’s going on here?” Jiang Cheng snapped, striding up to them. “Wei Wuxian..!” No, Wei Wuxian’s explanation wouldn’t make any sense. “Sect Leader Nie, Sect Leader Lan…?”

“I’m taking advantage,” Nie Mingjue said. “Apparently.”

“Of what?”

“As far as I could determine from the shouting, the answer would be – you, Sect Leader Jiang,” Lan Xichen said.

Jiang Cheng stared. “Of – me?” He looked at Wei Wuxian. “What? How? For what?”

Normally he’d dismiss such a charge out of hand, but for all his recklessness, he could usually trust that Wei Wuxian usually had his best interests in mind…but on the other hand, Jiang Cheng really couldn’t imagine Nie Mingjue doing anything underhanded like that.

Besides, if he wanted something from Jiang Cheng, he could just ask.

Wei Wuxian crossed his arms, still glaring at Nie Mingjue. “He knows what he did.”

“Good for him, but that’s not really helpful to me, is it?” Jiang Cheng said, throwing his hands up. “It doesn’t exactly seem like Sect Leader Nie to be cheating me; I’d appreciate some facts.”

“Oh, I’m not cheating you,” Nie Mingjue said, and he was distinctly cheerful now. “I’m taking advantage of you.”

Jiang Cheng’s brow barely had time to wrinkle in irritation and confusion before Nie Mingjue added, “Sexually.”

Jiang Cheng had never had his emotions shift from irritation and rage into sheer hideous embarrassment so quickly before. “Wei Wuxian!” he howled. “That had better not be it!”

“He went into your tent last night!” Wei Wuxian argued. “You were already asleep at your desk, and he kissed you –”

That sounded a lot more like Nie Mingjue than the idea that the man was somehow cheating him. After all, Jiang Cheng had arranged for him to visit that evening, only to fall asleep before he arrived – it was only reasonable that Nie Mingjue keep up to their agreed schedule of good night kisses…

Huh, Jiang Cheng’s cheeks were red again.

“It’s fine,” he said. “I don’t – it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“What do you mean you don’t mind? You can’t go around giving your first kiss to whoever wants to take it –”

“First off, that’s a bit hypocritical from the man who’d come back singing the praises of his ‘secret admirer’ in the forest after the Phoenix Mountain hunt,” Jiang Cheng said, because he was petty and because it made Wei Wuxian splutter (and Lan Wangji twitch for some reason – probably disapproval). “Secondly, what makes you think that was my first kiss?! Because it wasn’t!”

“Oh yeah? Who was your first kiss with, then?”

“…also Nie Mingjue, as it happens,” Jiang Cheng allowed. “But that’s because we’re getting married! He’s allowed to kiss me!”

“He’s not allowed to – wait. Married?! Since when?!”

“That is a very good question,” Lan Xichen interjected, looking thunderstruck. “Da-ge, you’re getting married?”

“Yes,” Nie Mingjue said. “We haven’t worked out any of the logistics of the ceremony yet because Huaisang can’t make up his mind about which method to use to pick an auspicious date, so I didn’t bother telling anyone.”

Jiang Cheng thought that that sounded perfectly reasonable – no point in claiming time on people’s calendars before they’d even selected the date – but Wei Wuxian seemed to be even more offended.

“Why didn’t you tell him? Aren’t you proud of getting married? Don’t you want the whole world to know?” he demanded.

“Weren’t you against this just a moment ago?” Jiang Cheng asked. “And he just said why. It’s not like I’ve been going around telling people, either.”

Now Wei Wuxian was glaring at him. “Does shijie know, at least?”

“Of course she knows –” Since that incident last week. “– and she’s fine with it.”

“...oh. She is?” Wei Wuxian abruptly deflated. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was going to,” Jiang Cheng said, exasperated. “But we didn’t pick a date yet. It’s not like I thought you would have trouble clearing your schedule to attend, what with your – your – your corpses and your radishes and all that.”

“Corpses and radishes,” Nie Mingjue echoed. “Fascinating.”

“You know, I haven’t been to Yiling in years,” Lan Xichen said thoughtfully. “That would seem to be appropriately neutral ground for an announcement of this magnitude, don’t you think?”

Jiang Cheng hadn’t even thought of that, but that would be perfect – everyone would have no choice but to come peacefully, and he’d be able to have his shixiong (however technically distanced) present. And, even better, he would be socially obligated to invite the person who hosted the announcement of his wedding to the wedding itself, no matter what his reputation was.

He turned to look at Wei Wuxian, who was gaping. “You want me to host…I wasn’t even officially invited to this gathering! I had to crash it!”

“And next time you won’t,” Nie Mingjue said. “It’s settled, then. You should probably go get ready.”

Jiang Cheng thought to himself that he’d never seen Wei Wuxian look so surprised – by anything, ever. He wasn’t sure it was possible for him to look any more surprised than he currently did.

Pleased with himself, and with Nie Mingjue, he leaned over and kissed his soon-to-be spouse.

Oh, huh.

Apparently it was possible.