#I really want to do a redraw with a certain someone else there

[pixie-mask]

Always going to think about that dropkick and how just quickly and brutally he took Ravan out.

[pachimation]

redrawing my very first chiscara comic/art i ever did for chscr day!!

old comic under the cut!!

lol a bunch of sappy semi serious stuff below bc i cant help but be a bit genuine about this ship today :’3

i cant possibly put into words how important this silly little ship and its community mean to me haha,,,, this comic was made in 2021 but i didnt really get serious about chscr until late 2022 after a bunch of pretty bad interpersonal stuff happened and i needed an outlet,, COINCIDENTALLY a certain someone was announced to be playable around then and i was already thought chscr was Pretty Neat™️ so i ended up diving headfirst into the ship. it also gave me a good excuse to work on more comics too!! i’d done a pretty big zhongven comic earlier that year in the summer, but in terms of lore there was only so much i could have worked with at the moment.

childe and scaramouche have that perfect combination of silliness and angst and violence that could be explored or expanded in so many ways and i love love love seeing other people’s interpretations of their dynamic and relationship. they’re so complex,,,,they’re narrative foils,,,they’re narrative parallels,,,they’re trans allegories,,,they’re flies in the spiderweb of the games lore,,,they’re my stupid little meow meows,,, they’re just two losers i want to see make out,,,

in a nutshell, they’re everything to me. well, i hope i get that kind of sentiment across in my own comics,,,,

and i cant get started on all the people ive met through chiscara or the way that having something i can call “my thing”, as in, the thing that i like and that i will spend a lot of time and effort (and money, but lets not talk about that) to surround myself with because it makes me smile. its stupid to say, but being a nerd about these two stupid guys who have never had a single canon onscreen interaction in some random game has made me a much happier and confident person that i could have ever imagined back in my freshman year of college,,, when i say i dont know who i’d be if i hadnt gotten into chiscara, i really do mean it lol

i’m actually surprised i’m making it to over a full year of regular-ishly making art, especially for the same game and ship! thats never happened before and my art has improved so much over this past year!! more than anything else, i’m happy! i get to be excited talking about these characters with my friends and i love to see art of them pop up on the tl. i make stickers of them and decorate my phonecase with them and have little figures of them in my room that i look at when im up late at night working on schoolwork. sometimes just the thought of finishing a comic or daydreaming about a scenario or seeing what my mutuals are up to are some of the few things getting me through a tough day.

,,,,so believe me when i say, to both childe and scara and to everyone else as obsessed with these pathic losers as i am, thank you! i’m having a lot of fun!!!

(also i just found out tumblrs copy/paste doesnt work on my ipad??? idk if this ends up legible i may or may not have deleted smth by accident and im not in a mood to proofread haha)

[sublimati0ns]

Sorry I’m going to make an off-topic rant about original fiction specifically (non-fandom!) because there’s this post going around that made me pause AHA

Disclaimer at the start: I love when people are inspired by my fanworks! I love seeing things I’ve drawn or mentioned on my blog appear in other people’s works or headcanons. As long as my fanworks aren’t being reposted, copied / traced, or used for genAI I’m happy! I even welcome redraws or derivative works (fics, followups, etc) as long as I’m credited ^^

But when it comes to original fiction, I’m like… Hmmm ;;; I’ve had some experiences that have made me averse to sharing my characters and stories with the world.

Cuz do people actually say this and not just mean “don’t plagiarise my designs, character / worldbuilding concepts, and stories under the guise of ‘inspiration’ ”? 😭 I feel like taking heavy inspiration from a small artist’s work—especially when used to build an online presence or as the basis of something intended to be published—is pretty harmful?

A lot of comments in this post are saying “nothing is 100% original and taking inspiration is natural,” which is true, but there’s a pretty big difference between emotionally connecting to a piece such that it motivates you to work on your own things and straight up copying someone… And when it comes to the latter, there is definitely nuance! Imitating the art from a big IP or of a long-dead world-renowned master is really not the same as imitating an independent hobbyist… A teenager with no following ripping off someone’s OCs isn’t the same as a grown ass adult emulating another small artist’s works to sell commissions or publish comics with.

(It’s also different when people properly credit who inspired them or got permission to make derivative works, etc.)

I know some people are fine with being emulated (which is great!) but as a whole, isn’t it entitled to say that, just because someone chooses to share their art with the world, that art is now free to be taken apart and used for consumer gain? I’m confused LOL is there some part of the discourse I’m missing?

Obviously people don’t own palettes, compositions, certain design traits, rendering techniques, etc but like—each individual artist has their own way of putting all these pieces together. Why would you want to copy someone else’s style instead of developing your own? The people who inspire us put a lot of work into their art; as fellow artists, why shouldn’t we respect that and not try to overstep our bounds as fans (ie. not presuming they’ll be flattered by imitation without asking first)?

I just can’t wrap my head around the idea of someone saying “don’t take inspiration from my art” and meaning “don’t perceive my art” or “I don’t want my art to resonate with you.” Like—do people actually mean it like that rather than straightforwardly requesting people don’t rip off their works and insist “well that’s what you get for trusting us with it—you should know plagiarism inspiration is totally fine cuz it’s the internet!”? 💀

TL;DR I may be wrong, but I personally think OP might be taking the “don’t take inspiration from my art” thing out of context, which is what gave me pause. In my experience, most of the time when people say that it’s cuz they’ve been plagiarised under the guise of “inspiration,” not because they don’t want people to resonate with their art.

(Again, disclaimer I’m talking about IP theft revolving around the original characters / stories of small, independent artists, who—unlike big IPs—can be harmed if other people lift heavily from their works to turn a profit.)

[indieyuugure]

(My response to @hyperchef ‘s reblog of this post)

Making an exaggerated expression that doesn’t look weird is mostly about figuring out what to exaggerate in order to convey the desired emotion. For instance, when a character is angry, exaggerate their brow line. When a character is happy, exaggerate their smile. When a character is sad, exaggerate their eyes. Examples:

By accentuating certain features, you can convey more intense emotions without it looking weird or off. Most emotions have a main focus point to which we subconsciously notice and use to figure out what someone else is feeling. Some more complex ones would be Disgust exaggerates the mouth, surprise accentuates the eyebrows, eyes and hair, sleepy exaggerates the mouth, eyes and eyebrows, and pain exaggerates everything all at once.

So for your eyes, problem, there are some tricks for drawing the tmnt eyes. Now I’m not sure exactly which style you’re talking about, but since you said you previously were working with realistic shapes, I’m guessing you’re having trouble with the Rise style.

Rise seems to have a “standard shape” for their eyes. It’s generally a rounded parallelogram. It’s composed of four convex lines that are sharpest at the eye’s tear ducts and point. The bottom is typically flat, though Leo and Donnie often have the top be completely flat and the bottom much more round, like a semi-circle.

As for the pupils, I honestly struggle a lot with this as well. I think the most important thing is to establish almost like certain standard sizes. So just keep scribbling a circle until you think it’s the appropriate size to be your standard middle size. From there you can make it bigger or smaller depending on the emotion.

so if the one on the far left is the standard, then the one in the middle is a sad smile and the one on the right is horrified shock.

You have to be careful though, I’ve found through my experience that it’s easy to become desensitized to this kind of thing. You draw a small pupil to show shock but after looking at it too long or drawing to many characters expressing that emotion, somehow it doesn’t look small enough anymore.

The same can happen in the other direction, you want a sweet expression but for some reason as soon as you’re happy with how big and round the pupil is, it’s already not enough. This is cause by you setting your eye to think that that is the standard size and now you think that the pinprick is the mid point, so “surprised” has to be smaller than that.

It’s actually really easy to undo this phenomenon, just erase the pupil, draw you pre-established standard, look at it for minute, then erase it and go back to what you were doing. This kind of thing is about relativity.

If you’re still having trouble with this stuff, you can message me with more questions that I can help you with and answer!

I hope you found this helpful. Expressions are tricky to nail. I usually draw and redraw the expressions in ROTP two or three times before I’m satisfied, and even then I’m constantly tweaking them. Don’t feel bad for not absolutely nailing it on the first try, just make sure you keep trying and tweaking your technique until you can make something you’re proud of!

Good questions! :]

[kidovna]

Sorry if it's been asked already (I always ask this to people with really cool artstyles so I mightve asked you myself already and straight up forgot LOL) but I was wondering, do you have any advice/tips/tutorials for drawing full bodies?

I just think you have a really cool artstyle and ive always struggled making fanart (other than semi-realistic screencap redraws) because I still have to learn how to stylise full bodies😅 (faces too but those im a bit better at).

Anyway, ive also been following u since your scorbus era and it's been so cool to see all the growth and different fandoms youve gone through! (I myself am a big byler🫡).

Sorry this is long, have a nice day/night🥰 and feel free to ignore this if you want, no worries!

answering both of this together because i feel like my answer is going to be similar to both of them:

keep live/quick sketching people and poses! it’s a fantastic way to practice anatomy and when you speed up your process, it helps you figure out how full bodies look in your style because it’s your immediate instinct to draw a certain way! you don’t even need a live model to pose for you. the internet is full of incredible images and stock photos that are always fun to sketch. If you’d like a place to start, Adorka Stock is a deviant art page full of stock references made for artists.

I’m always and forever an advocate for quick sketching because when I started doing live sketches about a year ago they looked like this:

And these are my sketches from a couple of months ago:

The difference may not be massive to most people but I feel like my grasp on anatomy AND my line weight has improved drastically since. I feel more confident going into a piece knowing what the poses are going to be like in my head.

Apart from that, it’s normally widely accepted to reference poses for your art as long as you’re not tracing over someone else’s work. my favourite thing to do is self reference with photos or a mirror because then i can get exactly the pose that i want.

I hope this helped!

[ask-postcrash-curly]

I am so, so glad you’re getting proper care and help. Not to dismiss Anya’s efforts, of course, her being able to even keep you alive for that is fucking amazing. But uh, nonetheless, im sure having clean bandages and a new gown feels much better. (On an unimportant note I am very pleased to know it’s purple. Absolute perfection. Peak, even. Though I’m sure you’re gonna get a lot of ourple jokes for a bit, haha. And if you don’t, just know some voices already have made jokes, just more amongst themselves.) sorry that you gotta stare into yet another bright ass light, though that really sucks. Especially with people touching you and putting their hands in your mouth, even if they’re gloved, (though the idea of it being jimmy really grosses me out now that I think about it. Did he even wash his hands?…. Actually I’m not sure I want to know.)

I am genuinely glad it wasn’t like. A fake out or not real or anything and actual help. Again, it was a bit irrational thinking it’d be anything else, but I’m still glad for the anxieties or doubts about it to be proven wrong. It was a bit hard trying to comfort you about it when I myself and an incredibly anxious and paranoid person and often doubt or am unsure of reality. And I don’t really like promising or saying things when I’m not even sure about it. Even though logically I know it’s just the brain making shit up. I need to stop forgetting to take my meds, haha.. that’s not funny.

I’m rambling a bit now, But I think I tend to do that anyway. When I do decide to talk, anyway. I’ll just talk about Whatever random shit happens to cross my mind. Or non random shit that is very related to the situation. I dunno, flip a coin. A mental coin? Imaginary coin? I don’t think that’d work. Uh. God, I need ADHD meds, too. Really fuckin badly.. adhd is actually the worst, and I’ll (metaphorically..) kill anyone who says it’s not a real thing.

Oh, right, anyway I’m glad you liked my drawings of you! You were really fun to draw. I tried my best to get your proportions right enough. After coloring your hair though I kinda get why a few voices were saying your like a golden retriever, haha. Or at least I think they did. I’m certain at some point someone made that comment, correct me if I’m wrong. Oh, by the way, with everyone saying that your eyes are such a bright blue you need brown eye contacts (and while the joke is amusing,) I find that while I was actually drawing you your eyes arent really like that bright a blue? Not to me anyway, But I kinda see why people would think so? I think it’s mostly like… I think it mostly comes down to two things: you have no eyelids which makes you look wide eyed and look like you’re staring into our souls, like a lot of blue eyed people seem to do because, again, eyelids. People who have lighter colored eyes’ eyelids tend to not sit as low in their neutral state than people with darker eyes, so, it look to like they’re staring into your soul, and the light eye color makes it more unnerving I guess? Another thing is basically color theory. and don’t take it wrong but basically the red of your not-skin and I suppose the bandages as well sorta make the blue of your eyes pop as one of the only blue things, uh, in you I guess? It becomes one of the first things our gaze is drawn to. Makes it look like you have really bright blue eyes even when you don’t. At least like this, in your previous appearance you definitely don’t have ‘scary blue eyes’.

Alright so that was a lot. Apologies if talking like that was weird, haha. Anyway that’s just my thought process, apologies if that sounded like absolute nonsense.

Anyway just a thing I noticed and started thinking about when drawing you. Oh, also yeah ik you didn’t know you were aromantic when you looked like that, haha, I sorta knew that when I was drawing it and thought about changing it, but didn’t feel like redrawing it, y’know? I mean, I might, actually. And yeah that was a little doodle of me next to you.

I thought about making it the AroAce (aromantic and asexual) flag, and while I thinkkk you might be there was no real mention of it, and I didn’t wanna make assumptions since the main focus here was just you being aro. Also it’s personal and you have no obligation to tell anyone that sort of thing.

Speaking of being aro I really don’t get why people kept trying to say or ask you asinine shit or flirt with you even after it was made pretty clear you weren’t interested and never would be. It pisses me off actually. Like even if you weren’t Aro you still obviously weren’t comfortable with it so that’s weird as fuck. I also absolutely DESPISE that one person who asked the horrific question about you and jimmy implying that being in a romantic relationship is somehow ‘more’ than friendship. I detest the very concept and wish everyone would unlearn that immediately because it is NOT A FUCKING HIERARCHY. They are simply different TYPES of relationships there is no such thing as ‘more’ than friends because it implies friendship is inherently inferior to other ‘closer’ relationships and that boils my blood and also makes me very sad as an aro person who has no intention or desire to ever get into a romantic relationship. I absolutely love my friends andI am BEGGING people to value their friendships more because oh my godddddd it is not inferior nor a stepping stone to romance or sex. Also I’m so glad it’s been normalized here (in your head anyway) for ‘I love you’ to be a platonic phrase because it is so healing and I love seeing it. I dunno how normalized it is for you since your in the future (or, to you you’re in the present and I’m from the past. wild, innit?) but I guess that doesn’t matter because humanity loves taking 3 steps forward and 10 steps back when it comes to progress. So I kinda doubt it. I wish it was more normalized in general to tell your friends you love them. (Though I guess it’s common for British people to call everyone ‘love’ but that’s a different thing I think.) I also think it’s odd ‘i love you’ is usually reserved for family or partners. It just reminds me how theres this weird thing with marriage when you marry someone and liek. Your partner ‘becomes part of the family’ except it’s treated like. Literally? Like theres ‘brother/sister/sibling in law’ and stuff like. Why is your spouse being called your sibling. Is. Is this weird to anyone else but me or am i just weird?

What was I saying? Right, fuck that one voice in particular. I’ll fight them in the mind Denny’s mind parking lot and only win because antlers, bitch.

…

God, “You were closer than normal friends” actually shut the fuck up. Have they ever had a close friend before. You can be close to your friends. There’s a whole term for it, best friends. Also relationships are defined by intent. You cannot do traditionally couple things and still be friends. Because that’s the intent. You can be a couple and not do much ‘couple stuff’ but I think the stereotypes are worthless because if your a couple then anything you do is couple stuff. As is with friends. Also what’s with the term ‘friends with benefits’ it’s so vague and can be confusing. Like what’s the benefit. I see being friends as a benefit. Also sex is not always ‘beneficial’? Or even enjoyable for some. This is me nitpicking and just talking to talk. Complaining for the hell of it I guess but seriously what is with that phrase haha. Just say your friends who have sex sometimes. Like. Actually now that I’m thinking of the full implications I’m getting a bit ticked again. Oh, also another weird phrase, ‘Netflix and chill’? Like I’m being serious when I say I only realized it was referring to sex (I still don’t fully remember the meaning?? Is it having sex while. Watching Netflix?? So random but uh. Ok?) like I genuinely thought it was just watching Netflix and chilling. Chilling on the couch and watching Netflix.

That was a lot of nonsensical talking. Oh well. Uh… I hope that wasn’t too much, haha. Rant over I guess. I want expecting to talk this much. This was mostly me thinking out loud so apologies if it was hard to follow. Maybe it helped as a distraction, though I dunno. You could’ve also tuned me out, haha. Wouldn’t blame you honestly though I don’t think you’d really do that. I may have overshared? Not sure if it was Too much information or something. I have trouble telling.

Ah, I also remembered what I said last time. Sorry for saying it Didnt matter how long we were here or not, or however I phrased it. I think I mostly meant that it just mattered we were here now and that was all that truly mattered. Because now matters and worrying about the future does little to help I think. I dunno all it’s done for me is stress me out. I also wasn’t sure how long we’d actually be here with you? Directly talking to you, anyway. I was a bit nervous to be honest. I didn’t want you to freak out that much if we like. Disappeared? Which is a terrible thought but I don’t know. Things have proven unpredictable. I just want you to be okay. Also it’d be normal to be freaked about it, because it would be a sudden change and stuff. And we are the only people that can truly talk to you…. God, I’m bad at this, haha. Comfort is not my strong suit.

Hm.

(Sigh)

Alright, well That’s all ive really got right now. I think I’m all talked out right now, haha. I Hope you make a good recovery. Talk again soon, Curlman. Hugs. 🫂

Yeah no, obviously there’s no criticism of Anya’s care at all. She did amazingly with next to no supplies. This being better is a nod to the supplies, not the skill nor effort. S’fine. Well, no, it’s not, I can’t stand that thing, but it’ll shut off eventually, yeah? Just gotta power through the day, first. …Mm. Sorry. Don’t… want to talk about that.

Me too. Thanks for trying to help in spite of that. And for not wanting to give me false hope. Means a bunch. Do take your meds though, yeah?

Are you okay…?

Yeah the drawings were really great! Thank you for those, again. I’ve gotten the golden retriever comment a few times. Before the crash, too. Hah. No plans of brown contacts anyways, but thanks. Interesting theories there.

No, no, you’re good! I really enjoyed the aromantic sweater. I liked it a lot, actually.

Thanks for that. I… don’t think I’m asexual. Don’t much care either way at this point since obviously I won’t be— You know, nope, we don’t need to go there. Point is, purely aromantic flag is preferred, I think.

Right, I’m sick of that. I really don’t understand it. Only so many ways to say I’m not interested, yeah? …Mm. You feel pretty strongly about this, huh…? Guess you’ve got a good point. I’ve never really… When I look back at mine and Jim’s past relationships, I think we always prioritized each other over whoever we were with. Not in a… Maybe in a bad way, considering it was him and me and— Yeah. But at the same time I really don’t see why someone who I’ve been dating a month should be closer to me than my friend of over a decade. …I had a girlfriend who broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her with him. That was odd.

That, uh, isn’t why I was upset with what they said though. It’s more, uh… It didn’t happen ever. Didn’t want it to anyways. But if he’d asked, I… would’ve said yes. That’s not a him specific thing. That’s just what I… You know, someone says they want to be with you, you’re supposed to reciprocate and… I know it’s flawed, you don’t have to tell me. But if he’d wanted to, ever, I would have agreed, I think. And..: God. It would have either ended badly or it would have lasted and I don’t know which— It’s hard enough for me to think about him as is and I really really don’t want to throw anything romantic into the mix. I really don’t. I don’t want to think about what that would have been like and what it could have changed. I’d explain why it upsets me that much but I’ve already said more than I wanted to and I need to change the subject now.

…Something like that, yeah. I really… I don’t think any of the medics are trying to understand me like Anya would sometimes. And I have no idea where the crew is. So if you all vanish, I’m completely alone. …Please don’t, okay? You’re good at comfort, really. Talk soon. Mind hugs.

[stargirlie-sharon]

Would you redraw this screenshot but with the rescue team as yanderes?

Could you also do some yandere headcanons?https://www.tumblr.com/stargirlie-sharon/732048389323309056/twcw-mentions-of-murder-and-yandere-ness-some

this has been in my drafts for way too long sorry 😭😭 also apologies but i don't do art requests, but you can have these headcanons! hope you like them. ^^

without further ado, let's get to it!

Yandere Rescue Team Headcanons

Fandom: Robocar Poli

Ft. Poli, Roy, Amber

Content: Headcanons, yandere themes, obsesssion, romantic, but can be read as platonic. Mentions of murder, murder cover-ups, violence, manipulation. Gender neutral darling (and it's not explicitly stated that it's the reader, so feel free to imagine them as whoever you want!)

A/N: Helly will be excluded from this (since he is a child/teen), and I'd prefer to not to write him here. I'd also like to point out that if you're not comfortable with reading something, then you don't need to read it! It's totally fine if a certain genre of something isn't your cup of tea! Dividers by dollywons, and RT headers by me.

Poli

Oh, how he adores his darling. They're simply the cutest thing to him!

He likes being around them, often standing by at a close distance, or watching his sweetheart from afar when they don't even realise it. He wants to make sure they're safe. As long as they're with him, no one will hurt them.

And if they try, they'll certainly regret it.

A guard dog at heart. Devoted to its owner to death, and will fight to keep them safe.

If he senses a threat that could put his darling at risk, he'll neutralize said threat with whatever method he can get his hands on. With a gun, blade, or if he's really feeling enraged (or just doesn't have anything left), he'll just use himself as weapon (and i'll let you interperet that for yourself). Regardless of how messy the scene is, he'll clean up the crime scene spotless, and to the best of his abilities. However...

If Poli happened to miss a spot, and someone reports to him that there's a blood stain somewhere or a lone weapon, he'd pretend to go investigate it, and then play it as a misunderstanding or prank by someone.

But honestly, he would rather let the world burn if it meant keeping his love in his arms forever.

He'd go out of his way to break the law for you, ignoring his job as an officer, just to see you aafe and happy. Even at the cost of someone's life.

Roy

He puts his love and their needs before himself. He would lay down his life for them, and is just so fiercely loyal when it comes to his dearest.

He knows that his obsession has gone over the roof, but he shows no sign of stopping it. It's unhealthy and he's aware of it, but he can't help himself.

Wants to show his love in whatever way he can. Expect sweet gestures or gifts from him often. At first, it would seem really nice of him, but as time goes on, it starts to seem like he's seeking for their validation and love at an obsessive level.

Roy's world revolves around his love. They are the center of his universe, and nothing else matters to him other than his sweetheart.

He is the least intense yandere compared to Poli and Amber, so you could say he leans on the soft yandere side, but he can be dangerous if the time really calls for it.

In contrast to his usually gentle nature, he can get very violent if his darling is hurt, and whoever messed with them will be damned.

Amber

Amber knows the most effective ways to eliminate someone. And cover up the murder. After all, nobody would expect the sweet Broomstown medic to be the one behind such incidents.

She may seem like the most sane and normal of the three... but no. She is nowhere close to it. She is outright insane for her darling. She just does a very good job at concealing her unhingedness.

She showers her sweetheart with as much affection they can handle. She cherishes every moment with them, and savors every smile. They're practically Amber's reason for living.

Also, they get hurt, not only will she treat their injuries, she's bound to kiss the pain away.

With her being a medic, she's probably had to deal with certain substances and poisons, so she knows her way around things like that. But not only does she know how to treat it, she also knows how to use it on others.

She'd try to stray from messy, more bloody ways of elimination, and aim for more cleaner tactics. Poison, toxins or drug-infused drinks or foods, anything that doesn't leave behind a trail of blood.

But if she really wanted to, she isn't afraid to get her hands a little dirty.

Amber being angry is scary enough. But her being mentally unstable too? Her insane side really shines through when mad. Also, she laughs. She laughs when she's absolutely livid, and you already know that's a bad sign.. (and I personally hc her to possibly be the most terrifying of the yanderes here. also i love insane medics)

i. am. SO SORRY this was literally here since last year holy cheese sticks. i was putting this in my drafts so when i got the spark of motivation to continue writing this came back i'd post this. and i have finally posted it, even though i could've already finished this months ago. thank you for reading. bye

[the-art-of-sanshoku]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OTOYA KURENAI I LOVE YOU!!!!

I only learned it was his birthday like last night so I could only do something quick so have a redraw of one of my favorite kiva scenes

Also gonna gush a bit about it under the cut so kiva spoilers

I really love how the OtaYuri pair ends up I know not everyone thinks this way but I think it was actually a pretty nice way for the love triangle to end. Like they both really do care for one another and each person grew and became a better person because of their relationship!!

It's just Yuri knows that romantically/as partners their views on what they want out of the relationship and compatibility as romantic partners just don't align and she sees that he and Maya have a certain something special she can't have with him. So she decides to end it and it hurts but she also chooses to look fondly on what they had and what they were, but still moving on and forward. To me that's a pretty healthy depiction of a breakup and I was surprised at Kiva's maturity on it.

Because I was spoiled that Otoya would pick Maya in the end and I was worried about how it would get to that point but I think it's handled really well. Like I was worried that there'd be a bunch of misunderstandings or he would cheat on Yuri on something but no throughout Maya's advances he continually tells her he has someone else! And Otoya I think knows this connection with Maya is unique but he doesn't want to hurt this other person he cares about so he can't bring himself to end it, so Yuri has too. It fits with their characters.

I feel like Yuri is the first person Otoya genuinely forms a connection with, and it's from that that he can also form bonds with Jiro and the rest of the monster trio. Because at the start of Kiva he does kind of come off at someone who will keep people at arms length and is just there for a fun time with others rather than becoming actually invested in them. And so that's how she changes him for the better, and he reminds Yuri of what else there is in life other than her vengeance so she can smile from the bottom of her heart and and they're just cute man I love them what can I say yapping over

[aladaylessecondblog]

a flame in your heart (gortash x tav pt. 17)

Author's Note: More Gortash POV. Struggled a bit with this one but didn't want to delay it any longer. Tooth-rotting fluff.

-------------------

I woke up with the worst headache I've ever had in my life. Like someone stuck a sword through my eye, out the back of my skull, and was jiggling it around just to torment me. Too much whiskey, of course, but I wasn't about to swear off drinking when I knew damn well I was probably going to just do it again. Not when the burn of that Rotgut Red is so strong it can keep me awake when I need it to.

On my side, pillows behind me, and a potion on the bedtable for the hangover. I sat up, guzzled it, and looked around for Tav once the throbbing in my skull finally stopped.

She wasn't there.

(Normally, I'm the one to wake first, or at least to get up first. When she sleeps in my bed she thinks I don't notice her pretending to still be asleep. Lazy little thing.)

I didn't remember coming to bed. There was a vague recollection of the cool night again against my skin...an owlbear, for some reason, and one of the Flaming Fists. Then a whore from Sharess's Caress. What in the hells happened?

"Ah, good morning, m'lord." One of the chamber servants entered as I continued to puzzle. "The bath is a bit cool but we can redraw it if need be."

"No. No, that won't be necessary."

I'd bathe, then I would figure out what had happened the night before...and why exactly that whore keeps showing up in Wyrm's Rock. Tav has been known to be open to sharing before, but that was before she was a married woman. Perhaps that woman was here for her, but...no, she has never looked away from me as a source of...excitement.

She enjoys my firm hand too much, and I'm certain no one else could scratch the itch she has to be controlled the way I can.

As for me...

What if she got the idea I was looking outside of the marriage for excitement, without saying anything to her first...the Black Hand is one thing, what happens with him is akin to a mass, a communion. Not the sort of thing that can be easily refused. Whores are another thing entirely.

I can do what I want, when I want. If I wanted to visit Sharess's Caress daily, I would do so. The other ladies of Baldur's Gate would likely tell Tav she should be glad of the relief.

Still...

I shall endeavor to be only what the role requires, Lord Gortash

The idea that Tav could speak those words again, turn that same look in my direction was...unsettling, and I hate the fact. As if a wall had come up between us--resignation, sadness--I still remembered that look, and I didn't want to see it again.

It is obvious now more than ever why Bane discourages love. The feeling makes me weak. Yet at the same time -

Only one of us is wearing a crown right now, my love.

Maybe it had been a slip of the tongue, but when I heard those words, there was a bloom in my chest I'd never felt before. A bloom that's still there when Tav directs her smiles at me.

Gods, I really can't get her off my mind. I don't want to tell her about that whore being in my quarters but she's going to find out anyway. Best to get the disappointment over with.

I let the valet do his job for once while I thought over the situation. Then when he was done helping me dress I asked, "Where is my wife?"

"She is currently...feeding the little Lord Cald, Archduke. From what I can gather she means to take the morning off, Berlina says she didn't sleep well."

Well, it wasn't a mystery as to why she would be worrying about that, I supposed.

Tav smiled at me as I walked in, and the bloom hit me again. Gods, what did I do to get this? Neither of us cared for one another when this started. It was a means to an end, all of it. Cozying up to her, whispering what I thought she wanted to hear, and slowly extending my power over her. Finding she wanted it...enjoyed it. Certainty in an unsteady world.

Focus

"Is he well?"

"Well enough," Tav said quietly, "Cald has another tooth coming in, and he's been quite fussy."

"Baba!" Cald spotted me, and from his spot in Tav's lap raised his arms. "Baba!"

"He wants you...you aren't still drunk, are you?"

"Of course not, I slept that off...though...speaking of which..." I took Cald from her when she offered, and looked down at--my son's dark eyes. My eyes.

And he was smiling. My son was smiling at me.

"You look upset, is he...filling his diaper already?"

Tav's words were a little unsteady, but the smile still hadn't left her face.

"No, it's nothing to do with him," I replied, waving my free hand absently. "It's...about last night."

"Ah...the trip back. I apologize." She shook her head. "You refused to come back on your own, so...I was asked to assist."

"I won't be hearing about it, will I?"

"Possibly...I asked the Flaming Fist who was with us to try and keep anything from getting out, but...I'm not sure how much he can do. You were...you were, ah...naked."

"Naked."

By the black hand, not THIS again.

"You told me you were too hot and...I suppose instead of calling for ice, or getting something cool to eat or drink your addled mind decided stripping was the best idea. I did the best I could, but...well, I imagine you were seen. I though if I carried you back as an owlbear it'd both making carrying you easier and ensure that they'd pay more attention to that than to you...but it remains to be seen whether I'm right. I haven't exactly been able to check."

"I suppose that must have been when I..."

"When you what?" she asked.

Again that look. She really must have known, I'm not the sort of man to stay quiet when I'm...enjoying myself.

"When I ordered that whore into my room."

I waited. I waited for a look of pain, or an expression of anger. But neither ever came, and Tav did something entirely unexpected.

She laughed.

The woman laughed.

Cald, in my arms, followed with a little giggle of his own. Mother happy, son happy. It was almost soothing to watch.

"I fail to see what's so funny about it, I've...we never settled if it was--if you were amenable to--"

Gods, why does speaking to this woman make my tongue malfunction?

"First of all, you could do as you please and dare me to say something about it, but I am...glad, very glad, that you think of discussing these things with me first. I'm not opposed to sharing you, so long as they don't think to take my place and we talk about it first. Our communions with the Black Hand prove that well enough...he doesn't desire to take my place, it's more that he...owns...both of us."

"But not with a--"

"Enver, let me just stop you before you tie yourself up in any more knots. There was no whore in your room last night."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I was," Tav huffed like she was holding back a laugh. "Twice now you've gotten drunk with me around. And twice now you've mistaken me for that woman from Sharess's Caress."

"I--what?"

The thought had never occurred to me.

"You get drunk and think I'm her, but that's not even the best part." Tav's soft smile deepened. "The best part is that you see me, and tell who you think is her to bugger off because you're a married man. Both times you did that."

I--

"And do you know what else you did last night?" She went on as she stood and moved in my direction, "My dear, faithful husband?"

I had no words. There were no words in my vocabulary to convey the thing I was feeling in that moment. 'Short-circuit' would be the most apt term to describe what happened, I think.

A peck on the cheek.

"You said you loved me."

Heart pounded in chest. Throat. Ears, even. How Cald didn't notice, I don't, but he seemed to quickly be settling in, utterly comfortable where he was.

"Now, I'm fairly certain you didn't mean it, but those three words...ah, they made the entire trip worth it." Tav rested her head against my shoulder then, and reached up to ruffle Cald's hair. "My poor drunk husband, insistent he can't bed me because he's married...and when I asked why that should matter, he says 'because I love her.' Now...if you don't mind, I'm going to call the wet nurse. I have a full afternoon so I need to eat quickly and have that nap."

As she was heading for the door I finally found my words again.

"I did mean it."

Tav stopped in the doorway, just after calling for the wet nurse. "What?"

"I DID mean it," I swallowed. "That I loved you."

Every muscle tensed, pulled taut. I waited with more anxiety than I felt each passing second when Durge and I stole the Crown of Karsus. I could've died back then. But this felt--something more than the fear of death.

Tav seemed to tremble, and didn't say more until the wet nurse came in to take Cald from me.

Then we were alone again. She walked back into my room with me.

"You love me?" she finally asked.

Another pause, a lean against me, a deep breath.

"I never thought to hear those words from you. Or that I would love you in return."

I took in a sharp breath.

"But I do."

[theangrypomeranian]

I was gonna go on anon to ask this bc fear lol but do what scares you until it doesn't scare you ufeelme lmao ANYWAY

Do you have any guidance or advice to someone that has /never/ read fanfic but wants to start? I'm not really a shipper (outside of canon, anyway, like I love boblin but avoid the kids ships even if canon bc of the internet drama I've read. Obviously no judgment on my end, I just don't wanna be involved in it - that anxiety/ chronic stress life babey)

But I've been feeling like having scenes or stories to draw will be the next step in improving my art. I can draw the characters reasonably legible now so wanna draw them interacting with each other more! To encapsulate their dynamics and relationships with one another, any fanfic seems ideal for that! Otherwise I'd just be redrawing scenes and that's fine as is, but it's not necessarily enough? If that makes sense?

With all this in mind, I'm overwhelmed with the prospect of diving in without any knowledge on the fanfic/writing world whatsoever. As I only follow a small handful of writes, and you seem to be one of the most consistent/frequent, I would absolutely love and appreciate your help!

I understand this may either be an unnecessary amount of info, or just a lot/ an intense amount in general lmao, so you don't have to answer this! But I had to try somewhere 👉😎👉 I hope you understand! I'm sure you'll understand 😆🤭

Hello! Sorry for responding so late, work has been taking all of my spoons this weekend and I wanted to be sure I could answer this with the gusto you deserve. (Also I HELLA feel the "do what scares you until it doesn't", I need to start living by that more. Good on you, mate!) For what to read, my number one rule is if I don't think I'll enjoy the story I stay away. AO3's tagging systems is a freaking lifesaver for that imo as you can filter away a lot of stuff you don't want to see, like certain ships or genre tropes or even physical acts of affection/intimacy. Sometimes the summary of a story can also help you decide if it's something you would be interested in. And if there are certain things you DO want to see or certain characters or ships, you can exclusively look for stories that have them (like how I hang out almost exclusively in the Zeke x Tina tag on AO3 lol). Knowing what you do and don't like is crucial for this, though. If nothing else, you can just go onto the Bob's Burgers AO3 tag and scroll through the fics until you see something you want to try reading. And always remember that fanfic is supposed to be FUN, so if you start something and start to not like it there is no shame in clicking out. You are not obligated to keep reading something you don't like, not even if it's posted by someone you DO like. This is supposed to be a fun hobby, after all. I hope this helps you a little bit! And thank you so much for asking me about this, I feel honored. <3 Happy reading!

[spooky-somewhere]

I love you Gemcyt art have you done anything with jimmy or Cleo or Lizzie

i haven't, but i have a lot of thoughts about them! most of what im doing rn is screenshot redraws, because that's just what scratches my brain atm, and id really like to draw something for Here Comes A Thought. im pretty certain that i want garnet to be mint emerald, but i haven't been able to decide if i want stevonnie to be the flower husbands or maybe cletho or someone else.

as far as lizzie goes, im a fan of the idea of joel and lizzie being a stand-in for greg and rose, or at least drawing them with some of the greg/rose dialogue, since lizzie is pink diamond.

[sexycraisinthanos]

You’ve literally reblogged NSFW Blackice in the past, multiple times. Tumblr search doesn’t usually show anything at all but it works just fine on your blog. Don’t bother deleting it to cover your ass, I’ve got screenshots. And I’m sure it’s probably on the Internet Archive, too. Not that it matters, I’m done after this.

I live in the Deep South. I fucking know how bad it is down here, why else would I point that out? Stop defending those monsters, we both know what they are. And I’ve been groomed, and I was abused for literally my entire life up until last year, that’s why it’s triggering and why I call it out when I see it, asshole. I don’t exactly have an easy time with “adult relationships” either, especially as someone who’s autistic, and who’s aroacespec as a result of said abuse. Don’t use your trauma as an excuse to minimize mine. And immediately jumping to using violent sanist language (“delusional moron”? Really? Is the best defense you have ableism and sanism? Try harder next time.) against a mentally ill person to defend yourself isn’t a good look either, honey (and before you try to defend it, being ableist/sanist towards anyone is NOT okay even if they are irredeemably evil, just like how it’s not okay to be transphobic towards evil trans people, for example.)

How the fucking hell are you going to defend Blackice by saying “Jack is 18” when there is absolutely no canon confirmation of that at all whatsoever and every source pins him at 17 or younger (it’s even in the wiki, look it up), and then have the audacity to say, and I quote from your own recent post, “40 year olds are getting too comfortable dating 18 year olds because “it’s not illegal” and they need to be put in their place”. Copy+pasted from your own damn post, again don’t bother deleting that because I screenshotted it. You fucking hypocrite.

And your “art” may not have been explicitly ship art, but because it was a redraw of a screenshot of Rapunzel/Eugene and they’re a canon couple, and considering that you’ve reblogged/condoned Blackice in the past (including condoning it in your response to me), one has to assume you ship it, or again, at least condone it. I’m considering it ship art as such. It’s close enough and in my opinion it counts. I did my 5 seconds of research before calling you out, this was not a baseless accusation.

It may be fiction, but fiction reflects and affects reality. Those who condone fictional pedophilia are almost certain to be pedophiles themselves. It’s something I’ve learned the hard way, it’s part of how I was groomed. And even if they’re not outright a pedophile themselves, they’ve still proven that they’re willing to excuse pedophilia under the correct conditions, which is no less worse. If you don’t want people to assume you’re a pedophile, then maybe next time don’t reblog and tag posts of pedophilic ships (especially NSFW posts) to the point that even a completely dysfunctional site is able to find it with no issue? That might help how people perceive you.

I know I need therapy, but it’s not for the reasons you want to believe. Unfortunately though I can’t afford therapy and there’s no free therapy anywhere near me (back to the whole Deep South thing), so that’s not gonna be happening any time soon. And I know I’m not a good person, I’ve done things I deeply regret, and the incest remark was a step too far and I do apologize for that. But I’m actively working to get better, and at least I don’t make excuses for and condone pedophilia.

I’m done with this. My hands are clean and I’m walking away from this. I have a life and better things to do than waste any more of my time and energy than I already have arguing with pedophiles and pedophilia apologists on the internet. Please for the love of god stay away from children, get some therapy yourself, donate as much money as you can directly to someone in Gaza, and have the life you deserve.

What in the hell are you talking about? You say I've reblogged it in the past, which I probably have. But I also used to think abortion was murder and that I was straight. People change. But you also say I've deleted it to cover my ass but you SWEAR it's there so that either means you're just spouting shit and have no proof and hoping I'll fess up to something I didn't do or you scoured my blog for years old content that I don't remember blogging and are trying to pretend it's blackmail. I never condoned anything I was telling you that you were wrong because you said Jack is a minor, because he's not. And even if he was I wasn't drawing ship art.

Also I'm not defending anyone you fucking moron. You are generalizing a population of which I'm also a victim of.

Also, for what I'm assuming won't be the last time because you have the media literacy if a cashew, it's NOT SHIP ART I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH THAT IT'S NOT SHIP ART. I HAVE SAID SEVERAL TIMES THAT IT'S NOT AND IF YOU STILL INSIST IT IS BECAUSE YOU SAY SO THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU.

If you had bothered to message me and say "hey I'm uncomfortable with the ship art you drew" i would have happily explained that it's not ship art it's an AU I came up with where Jack stumbles across Pitch fighting the Guardians and unintentionally joins him and dons the name Jet Black and becomes a surrogate son to Pitch. Just because it's a Tangled quote doesn't mean I'm using them as a romantic base please use common sense. And the fact that you're so insistent on forcing this into a sexual scenario despite my having said it's not makes me uncomfortable and you repeatedly calling me a pedophile and a groomer because you can't understand the words I am sending you is physically making me lapse in my mental health because it's bringing up memories of when I was sexually abused so I'm sorry you're being triggered by my art that genuinely wasn't meant to imply or state anything other than "Pitch and Jack are being chased by the Guardians in a funny scenario" but clearly whatever therapy you're doing isn't working.

Take this time you could have spent donating to Gaza yourself and leave me the fuck alone. I just had to pull the plug on my dad less than 12 hours ago and I'm really not in the mood to be called a pedophile when I've been the victim of several in the past fuck off.

I've turned anon off so you can either face me publicly and face the inevitable block for the harassment and defamation or hide away because you can't be brave behind your little anon messages.

[big-waifu]

BOOK: #2

DATE: Winter 2002/2003 (and I think a redraw from 2005)

I would regularly revisit the scant fashions of the swimsuit in some sort of attempt to check my understanding of how to express the feminine ways. I think a lot about intent when I look at art, partially because I believe in art as a communication tool from an artists inevitable worldview. Inevitable, in that no matter how the artists obfuscates the intent to be a non sequitur, even that obfuscation becomes part of their expressed worldview.

Now, I’m not saying that creating a work that seems to express views satirically that the artist doesn’t believe in isn’t a possibility, but since communication is two way, you always run the risk of using irony/satire causing your work to miscommunicate to someone. It’s not a good or bad thing, it’s just a thing.

Anyway, I think about this a lot because I look at my old work, specifically that of girls, and the memory I have of their creation just displays an entirely different approach and attitude mentally than when I drew literally anything else. I felt some sort of indescribable elation that made me feel so good that I was afraid I was doing something wrong. As such, I felt implicitly ashamed to never show off my more feminine work. I had assumed the feeling was because I had drawn a girl showing her bellybutton, and the idea that drawing a girl in something about as revealing as Samus Aran’s speedrun ending outfit in Metroid Fusion (which had just come out around when I drew this, just saying) was something I couldn’t show anyone.

Maybe it was just the optics of a boy drawing a girl and what questions about why I had such interest in them. At the end of the day I think this is something a lot of people deal with, and that it really can mean a myriad of things. It’s pretty unimportant to do all this work to link it irrefutably and retroactively to gender identity, so all I want to say is that now I am genuinely happy that l took this time I did to practice this freeform expression of femininity.

Because of the girl I turned out to be, it allowed me a head start on finding ways to give complicated feelings about a burgeoning womanhood a clear voice. It also gives me the peace of mind to know that to some extent I was experiencing and exploring womanhood even when I couldn’t do it in my real life due to factors that were beyond my knowledge and control.

I feel less regret about not getting to have certain experiences as a young girl, because I can at least say that in my own way, I had been giving that feminine and true part of me room to exist all along the way, allowing it to grow as I developed my art.

Conversely, this also manifests itself later on in some very “interesting” subconscious themes that are concerning in their own right. We’ll get to that soon enough.

[kaleidohscopic]

IN THE DYING SUMMER SUN — BBH

PAIRING: baekhyun x female reader SUMMARY: a weekend up at the beach house might just be enough to make you crack and come clean about your little (big, fat) crush. alternatively, park chanyeol is possibly the worst wingman ever. GENRE: friends to lovers! au, crush! baekhyun, romance, fluff, a pinch of angst, pining, humour WARNINGS: swearing, alcohol consumption, sexual tension!!, slightly suggestive, reader and baekhyun are both kind of clueless tbh WORD COUNT: 9.4k NOTE: happy birthday baekhyun!! thought it would be fitting to start off this blog with a fic for bbh on his birthday. this was supposed to be a 4-5k piece of fluff but somehow it ended up being double that and a lot more serious than i originally intended (oops?). kinda nervy posting such a long fic for the first time ever so feedback is most certainly welcome and i hope you enjoy!

“You definitely rigged this.”

Chanyeol only rewarded you with a shit-eating grin.

The scrap of paper couldn’t weigh more than a few grams, but in your hands, they felt like the barbell plates at the gym that he could never leave alone. Especially since a certain someone was also holding another scrap of paper with ‘ground floor twin room’ hastily scrawled across it.

You shook your head vehemently, fixing the tall boy with a dagger-like stare that he seemed completely unfazed by. “I demand a redraw.”

“Which is not going to happen,” was his gleeful response. “We all agreed — no take-backs before picking.” The hat that you had all drawn out of, now empty, was tossed on the coffee table as everyone else began to move their bags into their freshly chosen rooms. Somewhere down the hallway, Jongin tripped over the wheels of his suitcase, his pained groan and Kyungsoo’s laughter bouncing against the walls of the AirBnb.

“Besides,” Chanyeol continued, hand coming up to ruffle your hair, “if I had actually rigged it, you should be thanking me. I’d be doing you a favour.” He gestured towards Baekhyun, who was busying himself with packing his hoodie back into his duffle bag, hopefully oblivious to the fact that the two of you were conspiring about him less than three metres away. 

“Yeah, say it any louder, why don’t you. And no, that wasn’t an invitation,” you warned, catching the wicked glint in Chanyeol’s eyes. He opened his mouth, as if to make good on your request and let the whole house know, only to choke back a groan at the elbow you shoved into his side. Behave, said the glare that you shot at him. His replying smile was anything but reassuring, before he picked up his bag and headed upstairs.

That was what you got for getting a little too drunk at Jongdae’s housewarming get-together last month and accidentally slipping up about your big, fat, debilitating crush on Baekhyun after the third glass of pinot noir in one night. If it had been anyone else made aware of your juvenile secret, you would probably be feeling a little less uneasy — but it just had to be the one person who couldn’t keep his mouth shut to save his life. Not to mention Park Chanyeol was a terrible wingman, having heard about the ridiculous escapades he put Jongdae through before he finally cuffed his girlfriend. Lucky for you, you were now getting to experience it first-hand.

“I can ask Jongin to swap, if you really don’t want to room with me,” came a soft voice from your right. Baekhyun regarded you with an expectant, if somewhat hesitant expression. 

“No, it’s okay,” you replied, trying your best to mask the panic that was fighting its way into your voice. It would be just your luck, that he would think your reluctance to share a sleeping space with him was because you didn’t like him enough, and not that you liked him a little too much. The slight furrow in his brow seemed to melt away with your words. “I just wanted the big room with the queen bed, but somehow Chanyeol got it. I seriously think he did something to these,” you said, waving your slip of paper that matched the one he was holding.

Come to think of it, you and Baekhyun had also been the last ones to draw out of the hat, since Chanyeol had insisted on going counter-clockwise around the dining table. How he managed to game the room allocations was beyond you, but you were now almost certain that he did.

“It’s good that he’s by himself though. The snoring would drive anyone mad,” Baekhyun mused, and you had to chuckle in agreement. 

“That time he passed out at my place after Saturday drinks…I genuinely thought I’d end up with a murder charge that night.” you said, chest squeezing at the way his eyes crinkled into crescent moons at your words. You busied yourself with your own bag, hoping he wouldn’t see the dumb smile on your face, and be able to tell how pleased you were to have teased a laugh out of him. Laughter was not something he usually withheld — he gave it freely, if not a little too generously — but it always did a funny thing to your heart when you were the cause of it. 

“Definitely can’t have that. Pretty face like yours would not last a day in jail.” With one hand around his own duffle, he draped the free one around your shoulders, letting the warmth of his arm wrap around you as you headed down the corridor to the room you’d be sharing for the weekend.

Having a crush on Baekhyun was no big deal. Probably even normal, if his college days were anything to go by. But what made it so debilitating was things like this — the little comments he’d throw around that could easily be passed off as just friendly flirting if you were so inclined, though you sometimes let yourself imagine his intentions came more from the flirting than the friendly part. He was a generally touchy person too, never missing a chance to pat Kyungsoo’s ass when the opportunity arose, but sometimes the brush of his fingers against the inside of your wrist felt a little too affectionate for two people united solely through friendship, even if you were the only one who internally crossed that line a while ago. It was things like this that made you question, every once in a while, if your feelings were as one-sided as you believed. Most of the time though, you chalked it up to his disposition, his easy-going magnetism, and concluded that whatever signals you thought he was sending were merely due to your overactive imagination running wild with hopes that he felt the same way.

“Dibs left,” he said, plopping down on the twin bed closer to the window. His arms raised above his head in a long, yawning stretch, revealing a thin strip of skin at the waistband of his jeans. Just the sight of it was enough to control your blood, sending a rush of it to your face, and you internally cursed yourself for being so weak to such a small thing. It was obvious you had been alone for way too long. He was too comfortable to notice the flush on your cheeks, eyes shut and enjoying the tension leaving his body after the long drive up.

You sat yourself down carefully on the remaining bed, noting the gap between the two mattresses. Whether you wanted to push them together or against opposite walls of the room, you couldn’t be sure. It was hard to form coherent thoughts when he turned to you with a boyish playfulness that curled the corner of his mouth upwards.

“You’re not going to sleepwalk your way into my bed, are you?” he asked, chin in his hand, a teasing glint in his eyes. You tried hard to catch yourself from choking on your own saliva.

“I’ve been known to kick in my sleep,” was your reply, voice much more nonchalant than you thought you were capable of, given that he had just planted the seed of the two of you sharing a twin mattress that was definitely not big enough to lie down on without touching in at least three different places. The glint in his eyes faded immediately, giving way to thinly-veiled concern at the threat underlying your words.

“I was kidding,” you clarified when he sat up and started to back away from you. “At least, I haven’t done that for fifteen or so years. But you never know, it might come back again tonight, when you’ve finally fallen asleep, and then BAM! Foot to the face. You better sleep with your eyes open, Byun Baekhyun,” you warned, giggling at the realisation dawning over his face before his pretty features settled into mock annoyance.

“You just think you’re so funny, don’t you?” He was on all fours now, making his way towards you with a wolfish grin. In no time, he had crawled over the gap between your two beds and suddenly his fingers were prodding at your ribs. It was a well-planned tickle attack, and one you had no chance of escaping from, since his legs had caged you in and the rest of him was pinning you down. You were helpless against the ambush of his fingers, succumbing to them with gasping giggles, punctuated by desperate pleas for him to stop. He showed no intention of letting up, fingers digging even deeper into your waist.

If you were going to die like this, you thought, at least you’d be dying while lying under him.

“When you two are done canoodling, we’re going to go set up on the beach,” came a voice from the doorway. Baekhyun’s merciless fingers paused, and the two of you looked back to see Chanyeol’s amused face at the foot of your bed, smirking like he knew some big secret that neither of you were privy to. God, you were seriously regretting that third glass at Jongdae’s new apartment last month.

Baekhyun turned back to you, your noses almost touching, and you could feel the air from his exhales fanning against the skin of your cheek. There was a mole just above the corner of his mouth that you don’t think you had ever noticed before. Warmth from his jean-clad legs radiated into your hips and meandered up and down your spine, and suddenly the late summer air around you was becoming sticky and heavier than usual. 

As if just now noticing the proximity you were in, he slowly untangled himself from your limbs, making sure not to crush you in the process. You sat up, still breathless, having just calmed down enough for full inhales again, but so was he, you noted. Surely tickling wasn’t that exertive of an activity? Or maybe you’d put up a better fight than you had thought.

“Don’t forget your towels,” was the last thing Chanyeol said before he ducked out, yelling at Jongin to grab the beach umbrellas, not the rain ones. There were a few seconds just filled with the sounds of your slowing breathing.

“I’m going to go get changed,” Baekhyun said, turning around to dig through his bag for his swim shorts. You couldn’t see his expression, but you could hear the slight tremble in his voice that indicated he hadn’t quite recovered from whatever was afflicting him. “We’ll probably just be setting up the umbrellas, so no rush, just come down when you’re ready.” As he turned around to head towards the bathroom, he flashed you that familiar smile, the one that always resulted in one of your own to mirror his, and set you at ease again. 

“And make sure you bring your sunscreen,” he added, before disappearing down the hallway. You watched him go, throwing yourself back onto the bed with a frustrated groan once you were sure he was out of earshot. Two whole days and nights in this tiny room, in the languid death of summer, with his body just an arm’s length away from yours — you had no idea how much of this you could stomach and emerge with your sanity intact.

This was shaping up to be the longest weekend ever.

The afternoon sun was unforgiving when you emerged from the house. Though you had thrown on a cover up before leaving, you could feel the heat tingling on the surface of your skin through the thin cotton. From the top of the bushy path leading down to the beach, you could already hear the tell-tale signs of a competition brewing between the boys, even if you couldn’t quite see them yet. A few steps down and you could make out their figures, managing to catch the view of Chanyeol flipping backwards off the jetty before plunging into the water, where the rest of them were bobbing around. Baekhyun’s voice floated above the others the way it always did when he was teasing, liltingly distinguishable, though perhaps that was only because you were now so attuned to it that other voices naturally started to sound more foreign. 

It was hard to pinpoint exactly when he went from Baekhyun, your friend who tended to get a little too rowdy after half a can of beer, to Baekhyun, your friend who made your heart pick up a little faster when you thought of him. One day his hiccuping laugh was teetering on the edge of obnoxiousness, and then all of a sudden it became endearing to hear the raw joy in his voice. If you knew exactly when the switch flipped, maybe you’d be able to retrace your steps and stop yourself from ever setting off down this path to end up where you were now, watching the sunlight glisten against his wet face with an overwhelming affection, wondering what it would be like to be the private audience of his radiant smile everyday.

You set your things down on the sand next to the pile of clothes and towels that were already there, recognising Chanyeol’s hat somewhere in the mix. The beach umbrella that Jongin had set up was already beginning to lurch towards one side, the brim rather close to the ground. Fixing it back in place and digging it into the sand a little deeper, you let out a fond laugh — some things, like the way Jongin used his hands like they weren’t his own, would stand the test of time. 

You had hoped that your friendship with Baekhyun would be one of those things, but the more time you spent casting longing glances his way when he wasn’t looking, the more you weren’t sure if you could ever recover from his rejection if you ever did decide to be honest about your feelings towards him. So you did your best to bury them, content to enjoy his company in the way you were both familiar with, afraid that if they did surface, they’d taint your friendship with something unpleasant and irreversible. If you couldn’t own the sun, at least you could still revel in its warmth.

Satisfied with the position of your towel underneath the shade of the umbrella, you looked back at the water, returning Baekhyun’s sweeping wave with a small one of your own. It was just enough of a distraction for Chanyeol to turn around as well, and Baekhyun seized the opportunity to dunk him, gleefully howling as the taller boy’s head disappeared below the waves. Before Chanyeol could resurface and enact his retaliation, Baekhyun was already making his escape, swimming towards the shore with fearful determination. Chanyeol made to follow, but upon seeing you sitting on the beach with your eyes fixed on Baekhyun’s approaching figure, he thought better of it, turning back around to continue the diving evaluation as Jongin took his turn to leap off the jetty.

With an amused smile, you watched as Baekhyun hurried out of the ocean, wet hair flying in all directions and flicking droplets of seawater across the sand. The water trickled down the planes of his bare torso, and you tried to keep your eyes away from the firmness of his pec, or the flexing movements of his abdominals as he made his way over to you. One thing was for sure — the gym sessions with Chanyeol were paying off. 

When he finally reached you, Baekhyun slumped onto your towel, ignoring your protests for him to stay away, and proceeded to soak you in the remaining water that was still clinging to his body. The skin of his stomach was cool against your calf, and he giggled delightfully at your attempts to push him off to avoid getting more water onto your clothes.

“Stop trying to fight it, you’re going to get wet when you go in anyway,” he said, finally rolling off you.

“I wasn’t planning on going in. I’m scared you’ll try to drown me,” you huffed, lightly flicking some sand onto his shoulder with your toe. He turned back around, chin cradled in his left hand, and flashed you a boyish smile.

“I would never do that,” he said, though the glint in his eyes was anything but convincing. “Besides, what are you going to do at the beach if you’re not getting in the water?”

You picked up the book nestled in between your shoes and waved it at him. “Read, of course.” He regarded the worn paperback with amused disbelief, eyebrows slightly raised. It was only when you flipped the book open to the paperclip you’d been using as a bookmark that he realised you were serious, and let out a scoff that was laced with something akin to fondness.

“You are such a cliche. Pretty girl reading at the beach? Unbelievable, seriously,” he said, before wriggling his head into your stomach, relishing in your shocked squeals as your cover up began to dampen again. His mischief had left a few wet patches on the fabric that were beginning to stick to your body in the uncomfortable fashion of late summer. You reached for the hem, pulling it off not without some struggle, and immediately felt the sun kissing against your bare shoulders. Though you were mostly covered by the shade from the umbrella, the last thing you wanted was a blistering sunburn where the straps of your tote bag usually rested, so you grabbed the sunscreen you had so diligently packed and began applying it on the parts of your skin that were exposed.

Baekhyun had gone uncharacteristically quiet. If you had been paying attention to him instead of so attentively rubbing the cream into the underside of your knee, perhaps you would have noticed the way his eyes lingered on you for a little longer than would have been polite. They followed the path your hands took, from the expanse of skin below your neck, across your stomach, and down the length of your legs.

“Do you want me to do your back?” he blurted, his voice a little more strained than usual. He was wearing an odd expression on his face, something you couldn’t quite place, but it was different from the usual playful one you were most well acquainted with. Nevertheless, you agreed, passing him the tube and turning around so your back was facing him.

His fingers were still cold from the water, and you jumped when they first made contact with your skin. He only laughed, squeezing both hands around your shoulders to hold you still before he got back to work again.

The first graze of his hands across your shoulders was tentative. You could feel the heat of him behind your back, the smell of salt and sun clinging to the air around you. His breaths fanned the skin on the back of your neck, sending goosebumps down your arms and legs despite the thick heat of the afternoon. If he noticed, he didn’t say anything. Slowly, his hands made their way down to your lower back, and it was then that you realised you might be in trouble. His hands pressed against the grooves of your spine, curving ever so slightly around your waist, and if you shivered, he pretended not to feel you tremble in his grasp. 

It was when his fingers slipped underneath the ties of your bikini top that the alarm bells began to go off in your head. His movements were hesitant, fingers stuttering in their dance across your skin before they gingerly pulled the strings aside to spread the sunscreen between the top and bottom halves of your back. It was too much, feeling his warmth, knowing there was only an inch of space between your bare torsos, having his hands on you doing such a thorough job with the task he had assigned to himself. When the tips of his fingers brushed the side of your ribs, just under the edge of the fabric, you couldn’t help the breathy noise that escaped your lips. 

“Actually, I think I left something back at the house,” you said suddenly, words hurriedly running into each other as they tripped over your tongue on the way out of your mouth. Twisting away from his dangerous touch, you bolted to a stand and hoped he’d attribute the pinkness of your cheeks to being outside in the brightness of the afternoon. Your words came out staggered, the slight tremble in your voice betraying the composure you were fighting so hard to maintain. 

Baekhyun’s gaze was careful, if not a little confused. The more his eyes ran over you, the more you were sure that the depth of your feelings towards him were beginning to surface on your face. Another second and he’d be able to tell, he’d figure out the little secret you’d been trying to conceal for the last couple of months. And then you wouldn’t be able to deny its existence anymore. 

So you fled, tossing a rushed promise to be right back over your shoulder before scurrying up the bushy path again. Away from the scrutiny of his eyes, away from the truth you did not want revealed to the world. The ghost of his touch lingered between your shoulder blades and along the ridges of your spine, your body already committing to memory the caress of his skin against yours. You realised then, that it would not be possible to continue living on as usual, now that you knew the taste of his closeness, as fleeting as it may have been.

“I think you should just go for it.”

Your fingers tightened around the glass at his words. Chanyeol’s tone was light and pragmatic, speaking as if the act of unfurling your heart were nothing more than a decision about whether to have steak or pork belly for dinner. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you scoffed, bringing the bottle to your lips.

“I’m serious though,” he continued, nudging your arm with the lip of his own beer. “I think you should just tell him, and see what he says. And stop expecting the worst. You’ll never know how things could turn out if you never do anything.”

You let your head fall back to lean on the doorframe you were both standing against, gazing out at the patio that had begun to darken following the sunset. Baekhyun and Jongin were placed at opposite ends of the ping pong table that had been wheeled out of the living room after dinner, neither seeming to mind the soft prick of grass at the underside of their bare feet. Whether the game was proceeding well was difficult to deduce, since both were sporting wide grins and rosy cheeks, courtesy of the glasses in their hands — but judging by the cluster of orange balls around Baekhyun’s feet, you had an inkling that victory would not be his. He didn’t seem to mind yet, laughing gleefully as Jongin swung his racquet too hard and launched a ball over the fence. 

“Not everyone is as good as you when it comes to talking about their feelings, you know,” you said, fixing Chanyeol with a knowing look that was halfway between admiration and resentment. If you only had his courage of expression, perhaps you would’ve put an end to your suffering a while ago. Ripped the band-aid off cleanly instead of peeling away at it, day by day, bit by bit, until it was hanging on by the last of its adhesive. You weren’t sure how much longer your resolve could last, if it would even survive this weekend without snapping under the force of your attraction.

He only shrugged. “You can’t get good without actually doing it.” You pondered his words in the short silence that settled while you both took another sip. He was right, of course, you knew that, but it didn’t make hearing it any easier.

“I think… I’m just scared,” you began slowly. Realising you were about to put his advice into action, Chanyeol turned to you with reassuring and patient eyes, waiting. You took a deep breath, swinging the contents of your bottle back and forth, and continued, “I’m scared that if I do tell him, it’s going to change our relationship and then I’ll lose him completely. At least if I don’t say anything, he’s still my friend, and I get to keep being in his life.”

He regarded you for a moment, brows furrowed thoughtfully, as he decided on his next words. It was no easy feat to try on honesty the way you just did, having so carefully avoided it for your entire life, and he was well aware of it. The slight tremble in your hands was a dead giveaway.

“And I think that’s completely understandable,” he finally said. “There’s always going to be a trade-off, no matter what you choose to do. But I guess you have to weigh up which one means more to you, and if you’re willing to take that risk on the chance that it does work out between you two. I’m only telling you what I think you should do. You’re the one who knows your own feelings the best.”

Another silence fell over the two of you again. Your bottle was nearly empty now, the beer inside already lukewarm from being out of the cooler for too long. Jongin let out a cheer as the ball sailed over his head, landing far behind him on the grass and ignoring Baekhyun’s flagrant attempts at contesting the point. Even under the patio lights, he was still so pretty, cheeks pink and glowy, the shape of his mouth so endearing as it settled into a pout. By now, you were used to the longing, and paid it no mind as it filled your chest with a bittersweet warmth.

“Aren’t you two best friends though?” you asked, the thought suddenly occurring to you. “You’re telling me you don’t know anything about how he feels about… whatever is going on?” The look you gave Chanyeol was suspicious, but he stood strong, resisting your prying eyes.

“I wouldn’t be much of a best friend if I went around blabbing to you about his feelings, would I?” was his response, accompanied by an elusive smile. There was something in his words that lingered in your mind, some important detail you felt as if you had overlooked, but his amused expression gave you nothing to hold onto. “You’re both so clueless,” he chuckled after a beat of your thoughtful silence, downing the rest of his drink.

Baekhyun was skipping over now, having officially lost 18-21 to Jongin, who was heartily celebrating his victory with a series of hoots and giggles. He headed straight for you, hair all messed up from running his hands through it during the game, and a rosy flush to his face, though you weren’t sure if that was from the game or the glass that he had left at the ping pong table. When he wrapped his arms around you and buried his head in your shoulder, you knew that it was probably the latter.

“I lost the game,” he whined, petulant and firm against you. His hair tickled your chin, and you could smell the faint scent of his shampoo from his shower after the beach.

“Are you drunk already?” you asked, trying to mask your breathlessness at his proximity with a few giggles. Baekhyun’s affinity for physical contact was the worst — or best, depending on how you looked at it — when he had alcohol in his system, and it didn’t take much to push him past the borders of sobriety. His ache for touch and affection was most often relieved on you, and you always obliged, gladly and readily letting him take whatever it was he wanted.

The tip of his nose brushed back and forth against your skin as he shook his head. “Just a little, tiny bit,” he said, voice muffled, and you felt the warmth of his breath through your t-shirt.

“Where’s the love for your best friend?” Chanyeol teased, the only one amused at the way Baekhyun had dived straight into your arms without even sparing him a glance. 

The boy in your arms didn’t even falter, only snuggling further into you. “You know it’s because she’s my favourite,” he murmured, lips skimming your collarbone ever so softly as he spoke. The panic onset was instantaneous, and you prayed he was too drunk to pick up on the sudden rapid thundering of your heartbeat inside your chest. You tried to look at Chanyeol for help, but he was setting off across the patio, taking up Jongin on his invitation for a match with the promise that he would wipe the floor with the younger boy.

Baekhyun only hummed contentedly, oblivious to the havoc he was wreaking inside you, tightening his hold around you when you made a half-hearted attempt to wriggle out of his arms. His pink lips set into another rounded pout, brows slightly creased as he pulled back to look at you.

“You know you’re my favourite, right?” he asked, trying to be convincing despite the slight slur to his words. You could only nod, letting a small smile twist the corners of your mouth upwards. Whether he realised or meant what he was saying, you weren’t all that concerned, simply happy to bask in the warmth of his full attention knowing it was probably just nonsensical babble brought on by the drink in his belly. It was so much easier to be close to him when he was like this, hazier, and sure to forget most of what he had said the morning afterwards. It didn’t hurt that you were also starting to feel a little blurrier around the edges, the beer from earlier making its way through your system and leaving behind a pleasant fuzziness that made it all the more tempting to come clean about your feelings. But you weren’t quite there yet, and you had no plans to get to that point tonight.

Seemingly satisfied with your answer, he curled back up into you. With your hands around his back, you could feel the steady rhythm of his heart, the comfortingly even beat of it through his rib cage. It was so easy to imagine this was the way it had always been, and would always be, so easy to slip into the fairytale you often found yourself fabricating when your one-sided longing became too much to contain. It would be so nice if you could live in this moment forever, you thought. But was this small pocket of peace worth risking your entire friendship?

“I wish you’d stop running away from me,” he murmured, or at least that’s what you thought he said. It was a little difficult to concentrate when his lips were grazing your skin again, lightly feathering across your neck as the words shaped his mouth on their way out of it. 

And then you felt it, the unmistakable and deliberate press of his lips against your collarbone, the gentle pressure and the slight moisture on your skin from it searing through you like a lit trail of gasoline. This time, he had to have heard the stilted gasp that escaped your mouth.

He lifted his head slowly to look at you again, searching your face with glassy eyes — for what, you weren’t quite sure. The only things you were sure of right now were the fiery burn in your cheeks, and the deafening pounding of your heart that echoed between your ears. 

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” he said, though his expression was nowhere near as apologetic as his words would have you believe. If anything, his gaze on you was almost daring, waiting to see how you’d respond, if you’d shrink back into yourself like you always did when he got too close and crossed that invisible boundary you only danced around. If you’d run away from him the way he had just said he wished you wouldn’t. Or if you’d let him push you over too, just this once.

Seeing the hesitation in your face, he slowly extricated from you, retracting his limbs and warmth until they hung limply by his sides again. Scratched the back of his head. Let his eyes wander around the patio and settle on anything except for you. 

“I’m going to see if Kyungsoo needs any help with cleaning up,” he said quietly, not waiting for your response as he headed back into the house. The drink had made his gait unsteady, and you felt him sway against the doorframe as he brushed past you. A chilling unease began to settle in the pit of your stomach as you watched him go, the shape of his back getting smaller and smaller as he was swallowed by the light of the living room. 

Try as you might, you couldn’t shake the feeling that something had shifted, and that there was a possibility it had not been in the direction you had hoped for.

Perhaps the second glass of wine had been a little overambitious, you realised, staring up at the ceiling of your shared bedroom. Kyungsoo had been so excited about the 2012 Shiraz he had brought from home, pouring you a full glass with an enthusiasm he didn’t often display. You couldn’t say no, and you didn’t protest when he refilled it a short while later. If he noticed the faster-than-usual speed with which you drained its contents, he did not show it. Whilst alcohol tended to put people to sleep, it had the opposite effect on you, dangling sleep in front of you like a carrot you could never get a hold of easily, or for long. That second glass of wine was the reason you were lying in bed, not soundly asleep like you wished, but keenly aware of every breath and every movement from the other occupant of the room, only an arm’s length away from you.

Baekhyun had spent most of the night with Chanyeol out on the patio, drinking and laughing under the generous light of the moon. Even if he wasn’t purposely avoiding you, you felt his absence from your side sorely. He didn’t say much during the wind down for bed either, only asking if you wanted the curtains fully shut, to which you gave an affirmative. Still, a sliver of moonlight speared through the gap between them, illuminating the room just enough that if you turned your head to the side, you could make out the outline of his body beneath the covers and acquaint yourself with the familiar curve of his nose.

It was only fair that the wine, having taken your sleep, offered something in return to mark an honourable trade. That something manifested itself in the restlessness of your mouth, which battled against the remaining rationality of your mind. Loose-lipped and anxious, you dug your nails into the palm of your hand, willing the war inside your head to approach a ceasefire. You did not want to make a fool of yourself in the intimacy of this small room. 

However, your resolve could not last for long, corroded by the hours spent without his presence, without the familiar warmth of his touch, without his little comments meant only for you as he pointed out something silly or poked fun at Jongin’s whining. Barely above a whisper, you called out his name, letting your voice permeate the darkness. It was loud enough that he’d hear it above the silence, but soft enough that he could ignore it if he so wished, and you’d attribute his ignorance to the deepness of sleep.

There was a second of silence, which he followed with an answering hum and a shuffle of his legs on the mattress. He was awake, and he was waiting for you to speak.

“Are you mad at me?” you asked the ceiling. 

“No, I’m not mad at you,” was his reply, accompanied by a quiet sigh. He was conversing with the ceiling too, just as reluctant to face you.

Your hands twisted the sheets in dissatisfaction. The even tone of his voice indicated truth, but his answer didn’t explain why he had spent the whole night outside without calling for you even once, when he usually couldn’t last half an hour without pressing into your side and tickling your shoulder to grab your attention. 

“Then what?” you probed, cringing at the whiny edge to your voice. 

He was quiet for a while, letting your words hang in the air, that for a moment you thought he wouldn’t speak, that your brief conversation had already come to an end, and you’d be left with unanswered questions as bedside companions for the night. There was another rustling from his side of the room as he settled himself under the covers.

“Sometimes, I think I want too much from you,” he finally said. He was quiet, but you heard every word with the clarity as if they had been projected through a stereo system. “And you can’t give me everything I want, but that’s not your fault. It’s an indication of my own greed and selfishness more than anything else.”

You kicked around at your sheets to signal your unrest at his words. “I don’t think you are greedy or selfish. At all. At least not with me.” If anything, you were the selfish one, wanting all his smiles and touches for yourself, wanting the entire spectrum of his existence to only ever be shown to you. Your generosity only ever came to light when it was in service of him, gladly letting him take your attention, your time, allocating space in your mind for him and him only. 

Baekhyun only laughed a soft and short laugh at your reply, the sound so different from the usual one filled with boisterous joy that you had grown the most used to. You heard him turn over in his bed to face you. In the quiet darkness of the room, the focus of his gaze flooded over you, and the intensity of it was so blinding you didn’t dare to look away from the smoothness of the ceiling, fearing you’d smoulder into ash the moment you locked eyes with him.

“You know that you are a really important person to me. You know that, right?” he asked, eyes searing into you with the force of a thousand suns. “I mean, everyone else is also important because they’re my friends, but you’re different — you are a special person to me. I don’t see you the way I see Chanyeol, or Jongin, or anyone else.” 

His words were still tinged with the slight slur of the beer from out on the patio, but you could feel the delicate care with which they were chosen and spoken. Something was different about tonight. You could taste it in the thick air between the two of you, feel it in the wire-taut tension stretching across the gap between your two twin beds. Your fingers dug into the comforter, willing the turbulence in your chest to subside.

He paused and took a deep breath, as if bracing himself against something devastating. “I don’t want the same things with them as I do with you.”

You held your breath until you felt the pain of deprivation in your chest.

“But I’ve made peace with the fact that what I want from you, and the way I feel about you, are things I’ll have to carry with me. They’re things I have to bear the weight of alone. I don’t — I would never want you to be uncomfortable, or see me differently.” There was a slight catch in his voice at the end.

You didn’t even know if your lungs were still working while you listened to him speak. There was a surrealness to the night, as if everything had been covered in a blanket of haze and everything that was transpiring was the product of a fever-induced dream, existing on an alternate timeline.

Baekhyun… it didn’t even feel right thinking it.

Baekhyun had feelings for you? And he had convinced himself it was one-sided?

“It’s pretty selfish, isn’t it? Asking you to act like things between us won’t change after everything I just said,” he laughed, but there was little humour in the sound. You finally turned your head to look at him, the wry curve of his mouth catching the moonlight as he gazed at you. He was smiling, the shape of it meant to comfort you, but he could not hide the sadness weaved into the downturn of his eyes. He had always been braver than you, perhaps not in the aspect of riding roller-coasters, but certainly in his ability to be honest and open about his emotions, regardless of whether they were good or bad. 

It was your turn to be brave now, and shed your own fear to meet him where he stood.

“I’ve been seeing you differently for a while now,” you admitted, turning under the sheets to fully face him. You were grateful for the darkness, hoping that it would conceal the heat creeping up your neck and face, painting your cheeks with a hot blush that accompanied the start of your confession. His brows furrowed slightly as he tried to process your words, confusion settling in the crease between them. You held yourself back from reaching out to smooth them over.

“What do you mean?”

“What makes you think you’re the only one who feels this way?” you asked instead, leaving his question unanswered. There was a tremble in your voice as you spoke, and you were sure he heard it above the quiet of your bedroom. It was the closest you could get to telling him without actually telling him about the silent battle that had been raging in your head for the last few months. 

This was it, you thought. He had to know now.

“Am I not?”

The weight of his stare pressed against you, drawing you to him with the tangible pull of gravity. The eyes that roamed your face had replaced their previous confusion with questioning, and a glimmer of something akin to hope. He had never looked more beautiful and devastating than he did right now. You felt the light of dawn breaking over your skin, a promise of something new and good sure to follow. Its warmth simmered within you, staving off the chill of the late summer night with a heat that had you pushing off your covers in a hurried frenzy and rising to sit on the edge of your bed, toes just grazing the floorboards beneath you. Would you still have had the same nerve to face him in the daylight, rough and exposed without the lulling comfort of darkness? Would he still look at you, unpolished and flawed in the clarity of the sun, the same way, with the reverence of man at the sight of an angel? 

Baekhyun mirrored you and sat up on his own bed, slowly, as if not wanting to spook you, fearing you’d run off and retreat back into the confined familiarity of your own head. His knees knocked against yours in the small space between your two mattresses. You jolted at the feeling of his skin on yours, having gone without it for so long that the mere touch was like the first drop of water after emerging from the desert. He made to move away, trying to shuffle across the length of the bed, but stilled at the hand you placed just over his knee, willing him to stay put. Surely, he could feel the beat of your heart thrumming through your fingertips.

It was your turn to be brave now.

Fueled by the second glass of Shiraz and the muted encouragement of darkness, before you could second guess yourself and overthink every possible negative outcome of what you were about to do, you closed your eyes and leant towards him. Slowly, inch by inch, until your journey ended with the soft, tentative press of your lips against his. It was short and chaste, nothing more than a gentle pressure, and you pulled back when you felt his lips part in surprise.

“Does that answer your question?” you whispered, heart in your throat. 

There it was. You had gone and done it. 

His eyes were closed, and in the dim moonlight peeking through the curtain, you could almost make out each of his eyelashes, fluttering dark and soft against the smooth skin of his cheek. For a few seconds, the room was filled only with the sounds of your breathing as you waited for his reaction, for the consequences of your actions and what that meant for your friendship with him. 

Then you heard it — his soft laugh, coloured with appreciative disbelief, and felt the air of it caress your face. The corners of his mouth curved upwards into a small, pleased smile. His eyes blinked open slowly, taking you in with a hunger that had desire curling in the pit of your stomach.

“You are just so…” he began, but you never found out just exactly what you were. He was already pulling you back into him, slotting his mouth against yours like they were always made to fit perfectly together. This time, the kiss was anything but chaste, the sheer force of it enough to scorch your insides down to your bones. His arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you flush towards him, and your knees parted around his thighs to adjust to the new position. Your own hands found purchase in the softness of the hair at the nape of his neck, desperate for something to anchor yourself to, in fear that the realisation of this moment would somehow make it slip away.

This was what it felt like to stand unafraid and bare in the light of unbridled wanting, to consume and be consumed by a ravenous appetite with no propensity for satiety. When his hands slipped past the hem of your sleep tank, fingertips grazing across the skin of your lower back, you were sure you could erupt into flames. He swallowed the breathy noise that escaped your lips, tongue brushing against yours as he claimed your mouth with his own. 

This was what it felt like to hold the sun in the palm of your hand.

When you broke apart to catch your breaths, his eyes were bright, lips plump and swollen, chest heaving beneath your hands. Somehow, you had ended up back on his bed, his head against the pillows, hands under your shirt and keeping you close to him with an unforgiving hold. He was gazing up at you with a devotion that made your heart swell even more than it did pulling oxygen back into your lungs.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a really long time,” he admitted, hiding his head into the crook of your shoulder. You felt his abashed smile against your skin and wondered how it could be possible that you had contained all of this, the longing, the yearning, inside you for so long.

“How long?” you asked, hearing the smile in your own voice.

“Since Chanyeol’s birthday, when you wore that brown sweater with the little bow on the back.”

Last year, Chanyeol had gotten everyone together at his place for a nice dinner and wine followed by a binge watch of all the Iron Man movies in one sitting. It was all going according to plan until a quarter of the way into the third one, when he began snoring at his own birthday gathering. The bowl of popcorn was sliding out of his hands and sure to make a buttery mess all over the rug, and that’s when the rest of you decided to turn the television off and call it a night. Sehun and Jongin tasked themselves with getting the birthday boy into bed, and likely collapsed onto it with him immediately after, while Baekhyun had offered you the couch, assuring you he’d be fine with the blankets on the floor. At the time, you hadn’t thought much of it. As chaotic as he could be, Baekhyun was nothing if not kind, and you had been grateful that his kindness had always extended to you over the three years you had known each other.

“But that was more than half a year ago. Why didn’t you say something sooner?” 

His fingers prodded into your sides, eliciting a few choked giggles from you. “I didn’t know how you’d react. You know you’re not the most expressive person on the planet,” he said dryly. “Or the most observant. I literally frenched your collarbone and you’re telling me you didn’t realise I liked you more than as a friend?”

“Okay, well when you put it like that,” you huffed, feeling the vibrations of his laugh through his chest. “But you really didn’t know I had feelings for you? Chanyeol never said anything?”

His movements stilled, leaning back into the pillows so he could lock eyes with you again. “You talk to Chanyeol about me?” he asked, to which you nodded sheepishly. “Since when?”

“Last month, Jongdae’s housewarming. He fished it out of me after dinner,” you sighed, picturing his smug grin under the lights of Jongdae’s fancy new kitchen when you realised that you had slipped up and let him in on your little secret. 

“But I talk to him about you.”

You looked at each other for another beat, realisation breaking over the both of you, before dissolving into another fit of disbelieving giggles. Maybe Park Chanyeol did know how to keep his mouth shut after all.

“So he’s a terrible wingman, is what I’m getting out of this whole thing,” Baekhyun chuckled, rolling you over so you were now lying on your side, face to face with him. He planted a slow, sweet kiss on your lips, taking his time to acquaint himself with the shape and taste of your mouth, and you felt the contentment of his smile against you. “I can’t believe we could have gotten together a month ago. Some best friend he is.”

“Gotten together?” you echoed, one eyebrow raised in feigned dispute, delighting in the way his sweet mouth settled into the pout that you adored.

“You mean to tell me that you don’t want to be with me after your tongue was all up in my mouth?”

You pushed his face away, groaning, “Gross, don’t say it like that.” He, however, had different plans, hooking a calf behind your knees and tugging you back into him, before weaving the other leg in between your own.

“You know you like it,” he murmured into your neck, squeezing his arms around you just in case you’d disappear if he didn’t hold on tight enough. One hand traced absent-minded circles over the grooves of your spine as he breathed you in, warm and familiar against your chest. 

Yes, you thought, you’d risk any and everything for this exact moment. It was worth all the doubt and heartache, all the time spent replaying those moments in your head, unsure of the meaning behind his actions. You could be sure of it now.

“I do,” you agreed, threading your fingers through the softness of his hair. “I probably more than like you,” you added, tilting his face upwards to steal another kiss, giddy and chest swelling with affection. Perhaps you weren’t quite yet ready for that other four letter word, but you had no doubt you would be one day, and soon. He was all too willing to comply, letting his mouth mould against yours with the poise and patience of a saint. 

“I probably more than like you too,” he replied, punctuating his confession with one final kiss to the tip of your nose. It was enough for the serene smile on your face to persist, even past the arrival of sleep.

“I knew it.”

You cracked one eye open, trying to adjust to the light flooding in through the open door to your room. Chanyeol stood at the foot of your bed, grinning from ear to ear with what could only be described as a look of triumph as he took in the scene before him. The boy next to you stirred lightly, digging his face deeper into the pillow, reluctant to leave the realm of the sleeping. Chanyeol was not in the least sympathetic to his friend’s struggles, striding over to the window and pulling back the curtains with a clang. You winced as the full force of the morning sun barged in, and Baekhyun let out a soft noise of displeasure at the intrusion.

“I fucking knew it,” Chanyeol said again, quickly bringing you to your senses as you registered the weight of another body on top of your own. You made to remove yourself from him, fighting the flush creeping up your neck and face, but it was an effort which proved futile as he only tightened the arm around your waist, loath to let you go. 

“Can you be quiet? You’re going to wake the whole house,” you hushed, finally succeeding in untangling your legs from Baekhyun’s, feeling the loss of his warmth immediately.

“They’re already up. I came to call you for breakfast,” Chanyeol replied, the grin seemingly stuck to his face. “Which actually reminds me,” he began, before sticking his head out of the doorway to holler, “You better pay up, Jongin. And you too, Kyungsoo!”

“You bet on us?” came the groggy voice from the pillows behind you.

“What the hell, Chanyeol? I thought you said you didn’t go around blabbing about his feelings!” you exclaimed, indignant.

“To you. I never said anything about telling anyone else,” was his reply, smug and victorious at having outsmarted you.

Kyungsoo appeared in the doorway, donning a flour-covered apron, as if to confirm for himself that he was in fact a debtor to the taller boy. “Even if he didn’t say anything, it wasn’t all that hard to figure out,” he said lightly, surveying the room with curiosity and paying no mind to the shock painted on your face. How had everybody known about your now not-so-secret crush on Baekhyun except for the man himself? “Anyways, I only said that it would be unlikely to happen over this weekend, not that it was impossible. So Jongin is the only loser. Now come for pancakes.” And with that, he headed back towards his bowl of batter on the kitchen counter, chuckling at the sound of Jongin’s complaints against fulfilling his end of the wager.

Baekhyun, having somewhat freed himself from the clutches of sleep, rose to a sitting position and shot a drowsy scowl at his friend. “You’re kind of an asshole, you know that right?”

But even the expletive could not put a damper on Chanyeol’s mood, his smile never slipping. “You two should honestly be thanking me,” he said, to which you also shot him a glare. “Also, I’m happy for you and everything, but can you please keep the PDA to a minimum in front of the rest of us? I will lock you out of the house if you don’t.”

Baekhyun turned to you, the creases of the frown on his face slowly but surely smoothing out as he took you in, cheeks puffy and hair a mess from having just woken up. He had seen you in worse states, and definitely in better states, but none of that seemed to matter as he regarded you with nothing but fondness in his eyes. You were sure that your expression mirrored his, affection spreading throughout your entire body, reaching even the tips of your fingers and toes, at the sight of his tousled bed head, the sleepy droop of his eyes, the sweet pinkness of his lips. 

The sun was yours. There was no feasible way to stop the smile from blooming across your entire face.

“No promises.”

[erithel]

How did you develops your art style?

Btw I really like how you draw lances expressions (:

Of course the obvious answer is always going to be "well I just practiced and practiced."

But one helpful thing I found when trying to figure out my own style was redrawing screenshots from other material.

Redraws, and things like "draw this in your style" pieces, are very helpful because you 1) get to see how other people draw certain things, and 2) you also get to find out how you would choose to draw those same things.

I redrew a lot of cartoon/anime styles and if you look really closely you could probably find aspects of Naruto and Avatar the Last Airbender in my style.

It all comes down to the advice someone told me really early on "steal from the best and make it your own."

But if I'm being completely honest, I think the most helpful thing about finding my own style was finding what I couldn't do. Not in terms of giving up, or settling for something lesser, but in terms of finding value in my own work and not comparing it to someone else's.

@iybms is one of my absolute favorite artists and I adore her style. But if I tried to recreate it, or if I constantly compared my work to hers I would only end up disheartening myself.

Finding my style really worked for me when I realized what I wanted to convey with my art.

And your last comment is literally the perfect example, because what I want people to get out of my art is the emotions. The expressions. The feelings.

And as long as I am able to convey that, my art doesn't need to be the best, or it doesn't need to be compared to someone else's.

I mean, I'm not perfect, of course I still compare my stuff to other people's from time to time, but you get it.

It's taken me a very long time to figure out that even if something works for one artist, it doesn't mean it will work for me.

The main example can be clearly seen here in my Voltron comics, where in the first two I was trying to draw noses/lines/shading the way someone else did, and it looks really bad.

And here is where I started to break away from that after realizing it wasn't working the way I envisioned it would:

And here is where I finally settled.

The differences may look subtle, but this is the style I am most comfortable with, and the one I've drawn with the longest:

Learn from and copy what others do to figure out what works for you, and more importantly, to figure out what doesn't work.

Then make it your own.

[samithefungus]

So, my friend and I were talking, and I don't know how we got to talking about the fact that if a teacher in dhmis was a "wooden puppet" (like the ones you can see during fairs that entertain children) it would be a really cool thing.

We thought it could teacher the main characters something about entertainment (like dancing, singing, acting, playing an instrument, etc.).

After this conversation I was so inexplicably intrigued by this teacher that I decided to draw it myself (even though I'm not I'm not so good at drawing)

Here is the final result:

(Feel free to redraw her and other things; just tag me).

Her name is "Dolcenera" because while I was drawing her I was listening to Fabrizio de André songs (I think only Italians could understand).

Anyway she is the entertainment teacher (it's horrible, but I don't know what else to call her).

I also imagined her with a slight Italian cadence, because she reminded me the wooden puppets my grandfather used to bring from Sicily.

I also have other headcanons about her:

-She moves like a real wooden puppet, as if someone is commanding her through strings.

-It is not known for certain where her strings are attached.

-She has a damaged eye and sometimes it closes or stays open without her will

-She cannot make facial expressions (because of her mouth), so you can tell her mood by looking at the position of her eyes (or her good eye) or by the tone of her voice

-She is much taller than Yellow and Duck, but shorter than Red.

So far these are it, if you would like to let me know some of your headcanons about her (or just your opinions) I would love to <3

I also imagined what her 'episode' might be like:

There are the three main characters in the living room and they are watching a Show on TV.

At one stretch Duck says, "You know, if we did something like that we would already be rich."

Red replies, "What do you mean?"

"I mean that if we were actors we would be paid just to entertain people, that would be easy money wouldn't it?"

At this point Dolcenera appears and says, "This your statement is wrong for two reasons; entertainment is not just acting, then it is not easy, you need the passion that runs through your veins."

"All lies!" says Duck.

Then Dolcenera replies, "Come with me, I will teach you the true way of entertainment."

Then Dolcenera takes the trio to a theater and looking at them says, "Each of you must find your talent, and I am here to help."

Then she starts singing (imagine a song) trying to give singing, dancing and acting lessons to the three, but failing

When the song ends, Yellow can be heard giving a trumpet solo (as in episode 2 of season 2).

Dolcenera is amazed and leaves the other two to focus on Yellow

"This sound, this harmony; would you like to stay here for a while, I want you to cultivate this talent" Dolcenera says.

The other two decide that it's not a bad idea to leave Yellow there, since Dolcenera seems kind and not dangerous.

Duck is a little upset, because he would have liked to be the "star" and that's why he keeps complaining to Red.

Meanwhile, Yellow is practicing his trumpet on the theater stage, when all of a sudden Dolcenera approaches and starts tying strings to him.

"What are they?" Yellow asks.

"Strings, like mine, will bring you luck!" Dolcenera replies sweetly.

"Oh, okay, thank you!" Says Yellow and then continues to practice his trumpet.

"You'll be the star of the show" Dolcenera then says quietly.

Meanwhile, it had become evening and Red and Duck began to worry, not seeing Yellow come home, so they went back to the theater to pick him up.

As soon as they entered the theater they saw Yellow on stage, but as they got closer and closer they noticed that his figure looked very wooden, then they noticed the strings and realized...he had turned into a wooden puppet.

Red and Duck climb onto the stage and go to Yellow.

"Guys, you also came for take part in the show," says Yellow.

"No, you idiot, we came to take you away, can't you see what that evil puppet did to you!!!" Says Duck

"I'm sorry, but he's not leaving; he's the star" Says Dolcenera appearing behind Duck and Red "but you can stay; the audience would love you"

"No, we don't want turn into wooden puppets!!!" Duck replies

"That was not a request!" Says Dolcenera and then the lights went out.

Red and Duck start running in the dark trying to find the exit.

At one point Red is caught by something that drags him away

"Red, where are you? This is no time for pranks!" Says Duck.

At that moment Duck was standing under the stage, when the spotlights come on aiming at Red and Yellow, who are tied with strings and completely transformed into wooden puppets

"Join us, the show is almost started!" Repeat the two

"NEVER!!!" Says Duck

At this point Duck is caught by Wooden Red, but by rebelling in his grasp he manages to break his strings.

Red returns to normal and begins to help Duck break the strings that bind Yellow

"DON'T TOUCH MY STAR!!!" Dolcenera screams

Duck jumps on her and after some fighting manages to break the strings that were holding her.

Dolcenera falls to the ground and can't move anymore, at the same time Yellow's strings also break and he returns normal.

Then the three return home and stand in the living room watching TV.

"You know, I think the world of entertainment is not for us" says Duck.

"I agree" Red replies.

"I don't want to play the trumpet again in my life!!!" says Yellow.

And then the episode ends.

Honestly I really like this Oc that I created, but mostly her story and I tried my best to write it well.

Hope you liked it. <3