#I saw this a couple years ago tried to find the vid on here and said ok I’ll post it lmao

[assiraphales]

‘who is it?’ ‘…..kermit the frog?!’ *the audience goes WILD*

[cerradofolc]

This is the story where word 'cyberpunk' appears first time ever.

  Copyright © 1980 Bruce Bethke. All rights reserved.  

  First published in   AMAZING Science Fiction Stories, Volume 57,   Number 4, November 1983  

  * * *  

The snoozer went off at seven and I was out of my sleepsack, powered up, and on-line in nanos. That's as far as I got. Soon I booted and got -

CRACKERS/BUDDYBOO/8ER

on the tube I shut down fast. Damn! Rayno had been on line before me, like always, and that message meant somebody else had gotten into our Net - and that meant trouble by the busload! I couldn't do anything mor on term, so I zipped into my jumper, combed my hair, and went downstairs.

Mom and Dad were at breakfast when I slid into the kitchen. "Good Morning, Mikey!" said Mom with a smile. "You were up so late last night I thought I wouldn't see you before you caught your bus."

"Had a tough program to crack," I said.

"Well," she said, "now you can sit down and have a decent breakfast." She turned around to pull some Sara Lees out of the microwave and plunk them down on the table.

"If you'd do your schoolwork when you're supposed to you wouldn't have to stay up all night," growled Dad from behind his caffix and faxsheet. I sloshed some juice in a glass and poured it down, stuffed a Sara Lee into my mouth, and stood to go.

"What?" asked Mom. "That's all the breakfast you're going to have?"

"Haven't got time," I said. "I gotta get to school early to see if the program checks." Dad growled something more and Mom spoke to quiet him, but I didn't hear much 'cause I was out the door.

I caught the transys for school, just in case they were watching. Two blocks down the line I got off and transferred going back the other way, and a coupla transfers later I wound up whipping into Buddy's All-Night Burgers. Rayno was in our booth, glaring into his caffix. It was 7:55 and I'd beat Georgie and Lisa there.

"What's on line?" I asked as I dropped into my seat, across from Rayno. He just looked up at me through his eyebrows and I knew better than to ask again.

At eight Lisa came in. Lisa is Rayno's girl, or at least she hopes she is. I can see why: Rayno's seventeen - two years older than the rest of us - he wears flash plastic and his hair in The Wedge (Dad blew a chip when I said I wanted my hair cut like that) and he's so cool he won't even touch her, even when she's begging for it. She plunked down in her seat next to Rayno and he didn't blink.

Georgie still wasn't there at 8:05. Rayno checked his watch again, then finally looked up from his caffix. "The compiler's been cracked," he said. Lisa and I both swore. We'd worked up our own little code to keep our Net private. I mean, our Olders would just blow boards if they ever found out what we were really up to. And now somebody'd broken our code.

"Georgie's old man?" I asked.

"Looks that way." I swore again. Georgie and I started the Net by linking our smartterms with some stuff we stored in his old man's home business system. Now my Dad woudln't know an opsys if he crashed on one, but Georgie's old man - he's a greentooth. A tech-type. He'd found one of ours once before and tried to take it apart to see what it did. We'd just skinned out that time.

"Any idea how far in he got?" Lisa asked. Rayno looked through her, at the front door. Georgie'd just come in.

"We're gonna find out," Rayno said.

Georgie was coming in smiling, but when he saw that look in Rayno's eyes he sat down next to me like the seat was booby-trapped.

"Good Morning Georgie," said Rayno, smiling like a shark.

"I didn't glitch!" Georgie whined. "I didn't tell him a thing!"

"Then how the Hell did he do it?"

"You know how he is, he's weird! He likes puzzles!" Georgie looked to me for backup. "That's how come I was late. He was trying to weasel me, but I didn't tell him a thing! I think he only got it partway open. He didn't ask about the Net!"

Rayno actually sat back, pointed at us all, and smiled. "You kids just don't know how lucky you are. I was in the Net last night and flagged somebody who didn't know the secures was poking Georgie's compiler. I made some changes. By the time your old man figures them out, well..."

I sighed relief. See what I mean about being cool? Rayno had us outlooped all the time!

Rayno slammed his fist down on the table. "But Dammit Georgie, you gotta keep a closer watch on him!"

Then Rayno smiled and bought us all drinks and pie all the way around. Lisa had a cherry Coke, and Georgie and I had caffix just like Rayno. God, that stuff tastes awful! The cups were cleared away, and Rayno unzipped his jumper and reached inside.

"Now kids," he said quietly, "it's time for some serious fun." He whipped out his microterm. "School's off!"

I still drop a bit when I see that microterm - Geez, it's a beauty! It's a Zeilemann Nova 300, but we've spent so much time reworking it, it's practically custom from the motherboard up. Hi-baud, rammed, rammed, ported, with the wafer display folds down to about the size of a vid casette; I'd give an ear to have one like it. We'd used Georgie's old man's chipburner to tuck some special tricks in ROM and there wasn't a system in CityNet it couldn't talk to.

Rayno ordered up a smartcab and we piled out of Buddy's. No more riding the transys for us, we were going in style! We charged the smartcab off to some law company and cruised all over Eastside.

Riding the boulevards got stale after awhile, so we rerouted to the library. We do a lot of our fun at the library, 'cause nobody ever bothers us there. Nobody ever goes there. We sent the smartcab, still on the law company account, off to Westside. Getting past the guards and the librarians was just a matter of flashing some ID and then we zipped off into the stacks.

Now, you've got to ID away your life to get on the libsys terms - which isn't worth half a scare when your ID is all fudged like ours is - and they watch real careful. But they move their terms around a lot, so they've got ports on line all over the building. We found an unused port, and me and Georgie kept watch while Rayno plugged in his microterm and got on line.

"Get me into the Net," he said, handing me the term. We don't have a stored opsys yet for Netting, so Rayno gives me the fast and tricky jobs.

Through the dataphones I got us out of the libsys and into CityNet. Now, Olders will never understand. They still think a computer has got to be a brain in a single box. I can get the same results with opsys stored in a hundred places, once I tie them together. Nearly every computer has got a dataphone port, CityNet is a great linking system, and Rayno's microterm has the smarts to do the job clean and fast so nobody flags on us. I pulled the compiler out of Georgie's old man's computer and got into our Net. Then I handed the term back to Rayno.

"Well, let's do some fun. Any requests?" Georgie wanted something to get even with his old man, and I had a new routine cooking, but Lisa's eyes lit up 'cause Rayno handed the term to her, first.

"I wanna burn Lewis," she said.

"Oh fritz!" Georgie complained. "You did that last week!"

"Well, he gave me another F on a theme."

"I never get F's. If yu'd read books once in a -"

"Georgie," Rayno said softly, "Lisa's on line." That settled that. Lisa's eyes were absolutely glowing.

Lisa got back into CityNet and charged a couple hundred overdue books to Lewis's libsys account. Then she ordered a complete fax sheet of Encyclopedia Britannica printed out at his office. I got next turn.

Georgie and Lisa kept watch while I accessed. Rayno was looking over my shoulder. "Something new this week?"

"Airline reservations. I was with my Dad two weeks ago when he set up a business trip, and I flagged on maybe getting some fun. I scanned the ticket clerk real careful and picked up the access code."

"Okay, show me what you can do."

Accessing was so easy that I just wiped a couple of reservations first, to see if there were any bells and whistles.

None. No checks, no lockwords, no confirm codes. I erased a couple dozen people without crashing down or locking up. "Geez," I said, "There's no deep secures at all!"

"I been telling you. Olders are even dumber than they look. Georgie? Lisa? C'mon over here and see what we're running!" Georgie was real curious and asked a lot of questions, but Lisa just looked bored and snapped her gum and tried to stand closer to Rayno. Then Rayno said, "Time to get off Sesame Street. Purge a flight."

I did. It was simple as a save. I punched a few keys, entered, and an entire plane disappeared from all the reservation files. Boy, they'd be surprised when they showed up at the airport. I started purging down the line, but Rayno interrupted.

"Maybe there's no bells and whistles, but wipe out a whole block of flights and it'll stand out. Watch this." He took the term from me and cooked up a routine in RAM to do a global and wipe out every flight that departed at an :07 for the next year. "Now that's how you do these things without waving a flag."

"That's sharp," Georgie chipped in, to me. "Mike, you're a genius! Where do you get these ideas?" Rayno got a real funny look in his eyes.

"My turn," Rayno said, exiting the airline system.

"What's next in the stack?" Lisa asked him.

"Yeah, I mean, after garbaging the airlines . . ." Georgie didn't realize he was supposed to shut up.

"Georgie! Mike!" Rayno hissed. "Keep watch!" Soft, he added, "It's time for The Big One."

"You sure?" I asked. "Rayno, I don't think we're ready."

"We're ready."

Georgie got whiney. "We're gonna get in big trouble-"

"Wimp," spat Rayno. Georgie shut up.

We'd been working on The Big One for over two months, but I still didn't feel real solid about it. It almost made a clean if/then/else; if The Big One worked/then we'd be rich/else . . . it was the else I didn't have down.

Georgie and me scanned while Rayno got down to business. He got back into CityNet, called the cracker opsys out of OurNet, and poked it into Merchant's Bank & Trust. I'd gotten into them the hard way, but never messed with their accounts; just did it to see if I could do it. My data'd been sitting in their system for about three weeks now and nobody'd noticed. Rayno thought it would be really funny to use one bank computer to crack the secures on other bank computers.

While he was peeking and poking I heard walking nearby and took a closer look. It was just some old waster looking for a quiet place to sleep. Rayno was finished linking by the time I got back. "Okay kids," he said, "this is it." He looked around to make sure we were all watching him, then held up the term and stabbed the RETURN key. That was it. I stared hard at the display, waiting to see what else was gonna be. Rayno figured it'd take about ninety seconds.

The Big One, y'see, was Rayno's idea. He'd heard about some kids in Sherman Oaks who almost got away with a five million dollar electronic fund transfer; they hadn't hit a hangup moving the five mil around until they tried to dump it into a personal savings account with a $40 balance. That's when all the flags went up.

Rayno's cool; Rayno's smart. We weren't going to be greedy, we were just going to EFT fifty K. And it wasn't going to look real strang, 'cause it got strained through some legitimate accounts before we used it to open twenty dummies.

If it worked.

The display blanked, flickered, and showed:

TRANSACTION COMPLETED. HAVE A NICE DAY.

I started to shout, but remembered I was in a library. Georgie looked less terrified. Lisa looked like she was going to attack Rayno. Rayno just cracked his little half smile, and started exiting. "Funtime's over, kids."

"I didn't get a turn," Georgie mumbled.

Rayno was out of all the nets and powering down. He turned, slow, and looked at Georgie through those eyebrows of his. "You are still on The List."

Georgie swallowed it 'cause there was nothing else he could do. Rayno folded up the microterm and tucked it back inside his jumper.

We got a smartcab outside the library and went off to someplace Lisa picked for lunch. Georgie got this idea about garbaging up the smartcab's brain so that the next customer would have a real state fair ride, but Rayno wouldn't let him do it. Rayno didn't talk to him during lunch, either.

After lunch I talked them into heading up to Martin's Micros. That's one of my favorite places to hang out. Martin's the only Older I know who can really work a computer without blowing out his headchips, and he never talks down to me, and he never tells me to keep my hands off anything. In fact, Martin's been real happy to see all of us, ever since Rayno bought that $3000 vidgraphics art animation package for Lisas birthday.

Martin was sitting at his term when we came in. "Oh, hi Mike! Rayno! Lisa! Georgie!" We all nodded. "Nice to see you again. What can I do for you today?"

"Just looking," Rayno said.

"Well, that's free." Martin turned back to his term and punched a few more IN keys. "Damn!" he said to the term.

"What's the problem?" Lisa asked.

"The problem is me," Martin said. "I got this software package I'm supposed to be writing, but it keeps bombing out and I don't know what's wrong."

Rayno asked, "What's it supposed to do?"

"Oh, it's a real estate system. Y'know, the whoe future-values-in-current-dollars bit. Depreciation, inflation, amortization, tax credits -"

"Put that in our tang," said. "What numbers crunch?"

Martin started to explain, and Rayno said to me, "This looks like your kind of work." Martin hauled his three hundred pounds of fat out of the chair, and looked relieved as I dropped down in front of the term. I scanned the parameters, looked over Martin's program, and processed a bit. Martin'd only made a few mistakes. Anybody could have. I dumped Martin's program and started loading the right one in off the top of my head.

"Will you look at that?" Martin said.

I didn't answer 'cause I was thinking in assembly. In ten minutes I had it in, compiled, and running test sets. It worked perfect, of course.

"I just can't believe you kids," Martin said. "You can program easier than I can talk."

"Nothing to it" I said.

"Maybe not for you. I knew a kid grew up speaking Arabic, used to say the same thing." He shook his head, tugged his beard, looked me in the face, and smiled. "Anyhow, thanks loads, Mike. I don't know how to . . ." He snapped his fingers. "Say, I just got something in the other day, I bet you'd be really interested in." He took me over to the display case, pulled it out, and set it on the counter. "The latest word in microterms. The Zeilemann Starfire 600."

I dropped a bit! Then I ballsed up enough to touch it. I flipped up the wafer display, ran my fingers over the touch pads, and I just wanted it so bad! "It's smart," Martin said. "Rammed, rammed, and ported."

Rayno was looking at the specs with that cold look in his eye. "My 300 is still faster," he said.

"It should be," Martin said. "You customized it half to death. But the 600 is nearly as fast, and it's stock, and it lists for $1400. I figure you must have spent nearly 3K upgrading yours."

"Can I try it out?" I asked. Martin plugged me into his system, and I booted and got on line. It worked great! Quiet, accurate; so maybe it wasn't as fast as Rayno's - I couldn't tell the difference. "Rayno, this thing is the max!" I looked at Martin. "Can we work out some kind of...?" Martin looked back to his terminal, where the real estate program was still running tests without a glitch.

"I been thinking about that, Mike. You're a minor, so I can't legally employ you." He tugged on his beard and rolled his tongue around his mouth. "But I'm hitting that real estate client for some pretty heavy bread on consulting fees, and it doesn't seem real fair to me that you... Tell you what. Maybe I can't hire you, but I sure can buy software you write. You be my consultant on, oh . . . seven more projects like this, and we'll call it a deal? Sound okay to you?"

Before I could shout yes, Rayno pushed in between me and Martin. "I'll buy it. List." He pulled out a charge card from his jumper pocket. Martin's jaw dropped. "Well, what're you waiting for? My plastic's good."

"List? But I owe Mike one," Martin protested.

"List. You don't owe us nothing."

Martin swallowed. "Okay Rayno." He took the card and ran a credcheck on it. "It's clean," Martin said, surprised. He punched up the sale and started laughing. "I don't know where you kids get this kind of money!"

"We rob banks," Rayno said. Martin laughed, and Rayno laughed, and we all laughed. Rayno picked up the term and walked out of the store. As soon as we got outside he handed it to me.

"Thanks Rayno, but . . . but I coulda made the deal myself."

"Happy Birthday, Mike."

"Rayno, my birthday is in August."

"Let's get one thing straight. You work for me."

It was near school endtime, so we routed back to Buddy's. On the way, in the smartcab, Georgie took my Starfire, gently opened the case, and scanned the boards. "We could double the baud speed real easy."

"Leave it stock," Rayno said.

We split up at Buddy's, and I took the transys home. I was lucky, 'cause Mom and Dad weren't  home and I could zip right upstairs and hide the Starfire in my closet. I wish I had cool parents like Rayno does. They never ask him any dumb questions.

Mom came home at her usual time, and asked how school was. I didn't have to say much, 'cause just then the stove said dinner was ready and she started setting the table. Dad came in five minutes later and we started eating.

We got the phone call halfway through dinner. I was the one who jumped up and answered it. It was Georgie's old man, and he wanted to talk to my Dad. I gave him the phone and tried to overhear, but he took it in the next room and talked real quiet. I got unhungry. I never liked tofu, anyway.

Dad didn't stay quiet for long. "He what?! Well thank you for telling me! I'm going to get to the bottom of this right now!" He hung up.

"Who was that, David?" Mom asked.

"That was Mr. Hansen. Georgie's father. Mike and Georgie were hanging around with that punk Rayno again!" He snapped around to look at me. I'd almost made it out the kitchen door. "Michael! Were you in school today?"

I tried to talk cool. I think the tofu had my throat all clogged up. "Yeah...yeah, I was."

"Then how come Mr. Hansen saw you coming out of the downtown library?"

I was stuck. "I - I was down there doing some special research."

"For what class? C'mon Michael, what were you studying?"

It was too many inputs. I was locking up.

"David," Mom said, "Aren't you being a bit hasty? I'm  sure there's a good explanation."

"Martha, Mr. Hansen found something in his computer that Georgie and Michael put there. He thinks they've been messing with banks."

"Our Mikey? It must be some kind of bad joke."

"You don't know how serious this is! Michael Arthur Harris! What have you been doing sitting up all night with that terminal? What was that system in Hansen's computer? Answer me! What have you been doing?!" My eyes felt hot. "None of your business! Keep your nose out of things you'll never understand, you obsolete old relic!"

"That does it! I don't know what's wrong with you damn kids, but I know that thing isn't helping!" He stormed up to my room. I tried to get ahead of him all the way up the steps and just got my hands stepped on. Mom came fluttering up behind as he yanked all the plugs on my terminal.

"Now David," Mom said. "Don't you think you're being a bit harsh? He needs that for his homework, don't you, Mikey?"

"You can't  make excuses for him this time, Martha! I mean it! This goes in the basement, and tomorrow I'm calling the cable company and getting his line ripped out! If he has anything to do on computer he can damn well use the terminal in the den, where I can watch him!" He stomped out, carrying my smartterm. I slammed the door and locked it. "Go ahead and sulk! It won't do you any good!"

I threw some pillows around 'til I didn't feel like breaking anything anymore, then I hauled the Starfire out of the closet. I'd watched over Dad's shoulders enough to know his account numbers and access codes, so I got on line and got down to business. I was finished in half an hour.

I tied into Dad's terminal. He was using it, like I figured he would be, scanning school records. Fine. He wouldn't find out anything; we'd figured out how to fix school records months ago. I crashed in and gave him a new message on his vid display.

"Dad," it said, "there's going to be some changes around here."

It took a few seconds to sink in. I got up and made sure the door was locked real solid. I still got half a scare when he came pounding up the stairs, though. I didn't know he could be so loud.

"MICHAEL!!" He slammed into the door. "Open this! Now!"

"No."

"If you don't open this door before I count to ten, I'm going to bust it down! One!"

"Before you do that-"

"Two!"

"Better call your bank!"

"Three!"

"B320-5127-OlR." That was his checking account access code. He silenced a couple seconds.

"Young man, I don't know what you think you're trying to pull-"

"I'm not trying anything. I did it already."

Mom came up the stairs and said, "What's going on, David?" "Shut up, Martha!" He was talking real quiet, now. "What did you do, Michael?"

"Outlooped you. Disappeared you. Buried you."

"You mean, you got into the bank computer and erased my checking account?"

"Savings and mortgage on the condo, too."

"Oh my God . . ."

Mom said, "He's just angry, David. Give him time to cool off. Mikey, you wouldn't really do that, would you?"

"Then I accessed DynaRand," I said.

"Wiped your job. Your pension. I got to your plastic, too."

"He couldn't have, David. Could he?"

"Michael!" He hit the door. "I'm going to wring your scrawny neck!"

"Wait!" I shouted back. "I copied all your files before I purged! There's a way to recover!"

He let up hammering on the door, and struggled to talk calm. "Give me the copies right now and I'll just forget that this happened."

"I can't. I mean, I did backups in other computers. And I secured the files and hid them where only I know how to access."

There was quiet. No, in a nano I realised it wasn't quiet, it was Mom and Dad talking real soft. I eared up to the door but all I caught was Mom saying "why not?" and Dad saying "but what if he is telling the truth?"

"Okay Michael, Dad said at last. "What do you want?"

I locked up. It was an embarasser; what did I want? I hadn't thought that far ahead. Me, caught without a program! I dropped half a laugh, then tried to think. I mean, there was nothing they could get me I couldn't get myself, or with Rayno's help. Rayno! I wanted to get in touch with him, is what I wanted. I'd pulled this whole thing off without Rayno!

I decided then it'd probably be better if my Olders dind't know about the Starfire, so I told Dad first thing I wanted was my smartterm back. It took a long time for him to clump down to the basement and get it. He stopped at his term in the den, first, to scan if I'd really purged him. He was real subdued when he brought my smartterm back up.

I kept processing, but by the time he got back I still hadn't come up with anything more than I wanted them to leave me alone and stop telling me what to do. I got the smartterm into my room without being pulped, locked the door, got on line, and gave Dad his job back. Then I tried to flag Rayno and Georgie, but couldn't, so I left messages for when they booted. I stayed up half the night playing a war, just to make sure Dad didn't try anything.

I booted and scanned first thing the next morning, but Rayno and Georgie still hadn't come on. So I went down and had an utter silent breakfast and sent Mom and Dad off to work. I offed school and spent the whole day finishing the war and working on some tricks and treats programs. We had another utter silent meal when Mom and Dad came home, and after supper I flagged Rayno had been in the Net and left a remark on when to find him.

I finally got him on line around eight, and he said Georgie was getting trashed and probably heading for permanent downtime.

Then I told Rayno all about how I outlooped my old man, but he didn't seem real buzzed about it. He said he had something cooking and couldn't meet me at Buddy's that night to talk about it, either. So we got off line, and I started another war and then went to sleep.

The snoozer said 5:25 when I woke up, and I coudln't logic how come I was awake 'til I started making sense out of my ears. Dad was taking apart the hinges on my door!

"Dad! You cut that out or I'll purge you clean! There won't be backups this time!"

"Try it," he growled.

I jumped out of my sleepsack, powered up, booted and - no boot. I tried again. I could get on line in my smartterm, but I couldn't port out. "I cut your cable down in the basement," he said.

I grabbed the Starfire out of my closet and zipped it inside my jumper, but before I could do the window, the door and Dad both fell in. Mom came in right behind, popped open my dresser, and started stuffing socks and underwear in a suitcase.

"Now you're fritzed!" I told Dad. "I'll never give you back your files!" He grabbed my arm.

"Michael, there's something I think you should see." He dragged me down to his den and pulled some bundles of old paper trash out of his desk. "These are receipts. This is what obsolete old relics like me use because we don't trust computer bookkeeping. I checked with work and the bank; everything that goes on in the computer has to be verified with paper. You can't change anything for more than 24 hours."

"Twenty-four hours?" I laughed. "Then you're still fritzed! I can still wipe you out any day, from any term in CityNet?"

"I know."

Mom came into the den, carrying the suitcase and kleenexing her eyes. "Mikey, you've got to understand that we love you, and this is for your own good." They dragged me down to the airport and stuffed me in a private lear with a bunch of old gestapos.

#

I've had a few weeks now to get used to the Von Schlager Military Academy. They tell me I'm a bright kid and with good behavior, there's really no reason at all why I shouldn't graduate in five years. I am getting tired, though, of all the older cadets telling me how soft I've got it now that they've installed indoor plumbing.

Of course, I'm free to walk out any time I want. It's only three hundred miles to Fort McKenzie, where the road ends.

Sometimes at night, after lights out, I'll pull out my Starfire and run my fingers over the touchpads. That's all I can do, since they turn off power in the barracks at night. I'll lie there in the dark, thinking about Lisa, and Georgie, and Buddy's All-Night Burgers, and all the fun we used to pull off. But mostly I'll think about Rayno, and what great plans he cooks up.

I can't wait to see how he gets me out of this one. 

     Copyright © 1980 Bruce Bethke. All rights reserved.     

Brought to you by            The Cyberpunk Project

  Page last modified on Monday, October 2, 2000.

[starker-stories]

The Cold, Chapter 7 - The Messages Series

This chapter on AO3

By @thestarkerisobvious​ and @starker-stories​​

New chapters in the series post every Thursday.

All links are to AO3. You don’t need to be a creator to have an AO3 account. You can have one solely as a reader. But to read anything at all in this series, you can just be an anonymous reader and/or commenter.

The best way to keep up with The Cold is to subscribe to the story on AO3. And the best way to keep up with the Messages Series is also to subscribe to it as well as the individual stories. That way you’ll know when the next book is added.

Tags: Tony Stark Feels, Peter Parker Feels, College Student Peter Parker, Established Relationship, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Tony Stark Still Has Arc Reactor, Arc Reactor Kink, Peter Parker is a Mess, Spider-Man powers, Communication, They Finally Communicate!, And Fuck Of Course Look at Who It’s Written By Of Course They Fuck, Avengers Compound

The entire Messages Series.  All links are to AO3.

Messages Unsent  (complete & posted)

Nothing More Than A Machine  (complete & posted)

Tomorrow  (complete & posted)

My Virgin (Revisited)  (completely & posted) 

The Cold  (completely written) Posts Every Thursday

There’s been a change.

The Cold is the final book in the main line of the Messages series. There is this one and three more chapters until the end (10 chapters total.) The story has been completely finished and is ready to post to schedule.

What were formerly the last two chapters will be written as Messages Interludes and won’t be posted to the same schedule that Messages has been. 

The best way to follow them is to subscribe to the Interludes series link. These stories involve time jumps that make them their own separate thing from the contiguous week that Peter and Tony have been through in Messages.

The Opposite of Cold  ( in progress )

Untitled  ( in progress )

Note: There is some Italian in the chapter. It’s left untranslated until a note at the end of the chapter to put the reader in Peter’s head. If you speak Italian, obviously this little gambit won’t work on you. If you are an Italian speaker and we’ve gotten it wrong, please leave us a comment with the correction and we’ll make it.

Chapter 7:  Faremo L'amore Ogni Notte

She guided him away and they headed to her lab, leaving Tony behind in her office.

Tony agreed that what was discussed between Peter and Helen would remain between them. But it didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous about what was happening. Instead of pacing the courtyard, making a nuisance of himself, he headed to his long-disused personal labs two floors up.

Cleaning the place up, activating and repairing the equipment, it all took time. He checked his watch. Not enough time. Peter was still gone, still downstairs with Helen. He looked up what he’d been working on when he was here last, years ago.

There was little to distract him. Going over his notes on his development of the nanotech for his and Peter’s suits was interesting in a ‘historical record’ sort of way, though the data wouldn’t become part of that until long after it had ceased to be useful to him.

Watch-checking time again. Tony’s inability to keep himself distracted for more than, at most, an hour was annoying. He was sitting in what had been the top lab in the country, and he couldn’t find anything to do. Because his mind was still two floors down. Where he had no idea what was going on. Tony wasn’t sure which was worse. The possibility that something could be wrong or the fact that he couldn’t see it even if there wasn’t anything wrong.

Peter’s texts finally interrupted him.

We’re still talking

Still talking

Hey can you send me that vid of me stopping the car? The first one? Can’t find it.

Can you send me my laser-course stats?

Thanx

Ok headed to the examination room now.

The updates were at least keeping Tony from going completely crazy. But they also kept him from getting involved in anything truly distracting. So their effect was to have him sitting there, doing nothing, staring at his phone, waiting for the next one.

He wanted to text back, to find out more, but he didn’t want to interrupt an exam or a test. He had no idea what was going on before or after the texts. So he just stared at his phone waiting for the next notification.

Omg I haven’t been naked at the doctor since I was 13

This is not a gown this is paper wtf?!

Finally Peter texted him again. The medical exam was over (I get to put on my clothes now) and he and ‘Helen’ were going for a walk.

At that, Tony’s resolve not to spy on Peter broke. He could control things in Helen’s office. He could control things on the entire medical floor. A ‘walk’? Where? Under whose watchful eyes and ears?

Finally, after the cameras showed them heading outside, he gave the monitoring over to FRIDAY. “Track them, turn the surveillance off as they move along the grid, block communication from anyone who sees them and decides to talk about it. I want them in total privacy, from everything and everyone.”

Tony paused. “Even me,” he added, abiding not by the rules Helen gave him, but by the rules he set for himself after their argument.

After an hour, he got another text.

Were on our way back headed to the cafeteria. Im starving

Tony took the elevator down to the atrium level where the cafeteria and the entrance from outside was. He tried not to be, but he was a little terse when he met Peter and Helen at the door. He looked at Helen. “You and I need to have a conversation.”

Helen flashed him a sunny smile, then turned to Peter. “You won’t believe it, but the pizza here is actually good. I’ll see you after?” After Peter was gone, Helen looked back at Tony, but her smile didn’t fade. Most people would have been alarmed to find themselves at the receiving end of a Tony Stark Glare. Helen Cho, of course, was not most people.

“Your office, Doctor?” Tony said, waving his hand in that direction. He was too involved in his own conspiracy theories to notice Helen’s unflappable demeanor. When they arrived, he shut the door behind them. The windows that looked out onto the atrium darkened, the active monitoring lights turned off on the cameras.

“Why the hell did you take him outside into an uncontrolled environment? Are you asking for the spies in the building to know that he had to see you about something? That alone right there is more information than I wanted out about this. So what’s with the doctor/patient confidentiality? That doesn’t apply suddenly?”

Dr. Cho looked mildly surprised at Tony’s accusatory tone, but only shrugged.

“Sorry, it’s now confidential that I met Spider-Man? My bad.”

“Everything about this is confidentential, I thought I made that clear. Fury, New-Cap, no one is supposed to know anything about anything. Just knowing that Peter is talking to you lets them know that something is up with Spider-Man. That will get them curious.

"All anyone knows is that we came here so I could show off the labs to Peter and make sure New-Cap accepts him as an Avenger. Coming here to see you? Getting tested? That was never on the agenda.”

“Good thing you’ve secured my office, then. We’ll go over the details after Peter achieves some caloric intake. I have theories.”

“That’s great. It’s what Peter needs. I want him to have your theories, your conclusions. But I want him to have them. No one else.”

“And you made that clear when you tried to bribe me for my silence, Tony,” Helen said, stepping closer, her patient face hardening a bit. “Peter wanted to go for a walk. He had things he wanted to talk about, and he did. And for the record? I can think of sixteen things we could have been talking about without even trying, and the fact that YOU can’t think of a few is a little telling. Not that he needs an alibi for finding his own personal physician... do you realize he hasn’t had a physical since he was fourteen?” She shook her head in disbelief. “He hasn’t even gotten all his shots! Not that it matters but still… just the idea…

“In any case, Peter is my priority now. If he wants to tell me about the things on his mind in a field, or a laboratory, or an alien spaceship it’s his call. Not yours.”

“He still thinks the Avengers are one big happy family spending nights in pillow forts, watching movies, and eating popcorn. He has no idea of the risk. You can’t trust his ability to know where he should be talking to you. He still… he still fucking trusts people.”

She reached out to touch Tony’s arm briefly. “Well, we know better, don’t we? You were right to call me in on this one.” Helen’s tone was gentler now. “I’m glad he’s got you in his corner on this one, Tony. He may need you. You may be protecting the real next Captain America…”

“Over my dead fucking body,” Tony interrupted hotly.

“…And I’m not sure he’s ready to say ‘no’ to Nick Fury. But I know you. You were born ready.

“I think you two make a good team.”

Tony sighed, a little more relieved. At least Helen saw through some of the smoke and mirrors that surrounded her. “He trusts people. But… he’s the only one… I trust.”

There was silence for a moment. Only when he turned to look at Helen did she speak again.

“I’m glad, Tony. You, more than anyone else on this planet, have earned the right to every single trust issue you own, and then some. But you trust me to an extent, or you wouldn’t have called me. And I’m glad you did. And for the record? I think he’s adorable, and you make a very sweet couple.

“Now shut the fuck up and stop telling me how to do my job,” she said dismisvely, turning back to her desk and pointing at the door. “Go debate the propriety of pineapple on pizza with your boyfriend. I’ll meet you two back here when he’s done eating.”

Tony nodded. He knew he had no objectivity on this issue. Just being here was the last place he wanted to be, which he’d tried to explain… No, he hadn’t tried to explain, just expected Peter to somehow intuit — which wasn’t really fair. Nor was it fair to Helen to blame her for what went on around her.

“Is that even a debate? Of course pineapple belongs on pizza,” Tony said smiling as he left to go find Peter.

Peter had, in fact, already scarfed down his pizza and was on his way to find Tony. He only glanced around for a moment to make sure they were alone before he wrapped his arms around Tony and hugged him fiercely.

“Thank you for this,” he whispered.

Tony smiled and put a kiss on — not the top of Peter’s head anymore! — Peter’s cheek. “Helen says she has ideas. So, I’m glad we were able to come.”

When they entered Helen’s office, she was pulling up a chart on her holoscreen, using her finger to add Peter’s numbers.

“Now, obviously I can’t chart a line based on one point. I’ll need more data. Peter and I may have to talk once year, twice a year ideally. But based on his memory and what data you gave me, I have some theories. Peter’s weight, muscle mass, and BMI put him solidly average, though his height is in the lower 25% until this last growth spurt. Still very average. Nothing anyone can do about that. Now — the jumps in his performance scores look drastic, but not if you take into consideration that the recorded scores from when he was sixteen were inaccurate. According to him he was holding back. But given the stats you calculated in high-adrenaline situations, catching moving vehicles, going hand to hand with the Winter Soldier, I’ve made different estimates. And that gives us a trajectory that looks like this.”

She drew the line with one finger, then hovered over the chart already on the screen.

“The numbers appear extreme, but the math is ultimately the same. A non-enhanced male of Peter’s age, weight and healthy caloric intake, not to mention his daily workout schedule…

“Yes,” she interrupted as Peter tried to correct her. “You swing your bodyweight through over the streets of New York City for hours almost daily, you weren’t taking that into account.”

“So a non-enhanced young adult male’s trajectory would look the same as the one Peter is making now. If my theory holds he’ll peak the same time a non-enhanced male would peak, then begin to decline the same way.” She looked at Peter, as if asking permission to continue.

Peter only nodded and looked at Tony. He was nothing but smiles. He seemed pleased and relieved. When Helen kept looking at him, waiting for that permission to come, Peter decided that it didn’t need to. They were finished talking.

The numbers didn’t matter any longer. They’d discussed them during their walk. What mattered was that he was growing at a normal — for non-normal — rate. It would stop. He’d reach a peak and not just keep growing ridiculously forever. There would come a point where he didn’t have to keep being afraid of his ability. He could just learn how to work within it. He’d learn his limits. Then he wouldn’t hurt anyone else. And he wouldn’t hurt Tony. That was what both of them needed to know.

The meeting ended with cell phones out and schedules compared, Peter and Dr. Cho making plans six months in the future and exchanging numbers. Tony copying the dates in his. Peter hugged Dr. Cho before they left the office, then once again as they said goodbye.

“Did you get the answers you were looking for?” Tony asked as they left Helen’s office, heading to the residence wing.

“Yes, I mean no, but I got some decent theories. Which beat the fuck out of my theories. My theories were just too scary. Helen put it all into perspective. She’s awesome. Thank you, Tony.”

They left the medical wing for the stairs in the lobby, then down them, holding hands.

They had decided to kill the rest of the day by heading to the pool ‘to relax’. Peter’s manic need to perform feats of strength had cooled. They talked, they joked, they made up conversations in between Sam and Bucky who, they assured each other, were watching them at every moment. Peter matched Tony joke for raunchy joke, laughing freely and easily.

Tony smiled, sneaking glances at Peter when the kid wouldn’t notice. He hadn’t seen Peter this relaxed and easy since, well, since his work started to impinge on their lives. Peter’s happiness started to slip away when they’d meet up at different hotels in the city as something fun and different from the penthouse. At first, Peter would get excited and they’d laugh and play around with things in the suite, even bouncing like a kid on the very soft and bouncy beds.

That seemed like a long, long time ago. As Tony drifted away from their life, Peter also drifted away. Now, his Peter was back.

They did laps, at which Peter would’ve beat Tony easily if the kid hadn’t been acting like a dolphin following a ship, diving and ducking underneath him, swerving in patterns, even leaping up and over Tony’s body.

More than once Peter made bets he could hold his breath for ‘this long’, bets he always lost, unable to resist surfacing directly under Tony to grab him and lift him into the air.

The kid was a fish. Their swimming quickly turned into nothing but playing, splashing, dunking. And a lot of teasing. A kiss stolen and then swam away from. An ‘accidental’ brush against somewhere while coming up from a dive.

Tony let himself go. He couldn’t remember when he’d last played around in the water. Or even if he had ever just played around in the water. If the surveillance to the pool room hadn’t been turned off, no one watching would’ve believed that it was Tony Stark down there, laughing and smiling and playing.

“There’s a huge pool at my house in Naples. I’m taking you there. It’ll be just like this for a week. Only better. New-Cap and the Manchurian Candidate won’t be trying to spy on us.”

“Take me to Italy,” Peter said, grinning, swimming into Tony’s arms for another kiss. “Take me somewhere where I don’t know anything, and teach me all of it. Maybe we won’t come back.”

“Andremo in Italia. Nuoteremo in piscina ogni mattina. Faremo l'amore ogni notte.”

“Mmmmm… more. I love being ignorant.”

“I’ll take away your phone and you won’t be able to use ‘translate’,” Tony grinned.

“The less I know the better. I’ll just assume you’re telling me a dirty joke.”

“You’ll have to trust that I’m correctly teaching you what to say. That I’m not having you to insult someone and get us chased out of the restaurant,” Tony clenched his fist and sprayed a squirt of water at Peter’s face.

“Ti comprerò diamanti e quell'orologio e ti rovinerò marcio.”

“I agree! I assume it’s about sex, and I agree.”

“Ti porterò in ogni ristorante di lusso che riesco a trovare. Indosserai scarpe italiane da mille dollari. Ti misurerò per un abito da uomo che costa più di quanto la maggior parte della gente guadagni in una settimana.”

“Yes! I’m unfazeable,” Peter said, laughing. “Whatever it is, I’m in.”

“E quando arriviamo a casa, ti scoperò nel culo così forte che non puoi camminare. Ti lascerò persino toccarmi lì.”

“I’ll assume that means ‘I want to have sex in the pool’,” Peter said, sinking straight down, nuzzling Tony’s cock for a moment before swimming away.

“Voglio fare sesso in piscina,” Tony shouted just before Peter dove again, this time swimming all the way down to the bottom of the deep end.

Peter didn’t spring back up like he’d been doing. A whole minute passed and he was still sitting, cross-legged, at the bottom. Tony frowned and looked down at the distorted image through the water. He counted another ten, fifteen seconds before he dove down. Paddling in front of Peter he looked into the kid’s face. His hair was waving through the water, looking like a mermaid. His eyes were open and he was grinning.

When they had laughed themselves silly and their fingers were getting pruned, Peter and Tony headed to the changing room, showered off and dressed. When they hit the common room, Tony’s hair was slicked back wet, and Peter’s kept falling over his forehead in little ringlets.

Cooking and eating together, they spared only a socially required greeting then ignored any conversation attempts. They were alone in the large room, regardless of who was there around them. Their conversation ranged through the adaptations Tony would be working on for Peter’s suit to the new webbing Peter would create for it. They had no worries about the security of their discussion. No one would understand what they said, even if overheard.

Peter still teased about the pool, his dive, and how it had scared Tony. Tony was still breaking into Italian as he described what he would cook for Peter in Naples and how he would spoil him.

As they sat down to the table, a robot that no one even knew was in the compound came up to them, bringing a bottle of wine from a private cellar that, also, no one knew was in the compound.

By the time dinner was made and finished, they were dry, well fed, and in good humor. They headed to Tony’s suite, leaving behind a befuddled Sam, staring at Tony laughing like he must’ve been an alien left to replace the real Tony Stark.

Italian translations:

The title

Faremo L'amore Ogni Notte - We'll make love all night

Within the text

Andremo in Italia. Nuoteremo in piscina ogni mattina. Faremo l'amore ogni notte. - We will go to Italy. We will swim in the pool every morning. We will make love every night.

Ti comprerò diamanti e quell'orologio e ti rovinerò marcio. - I'll buy you diamonds and that watch and spoil you rotten.

Ti porterò in ogni ristorante di lusso che riesco a trovare. Indosserai scarpe italiane da mille dollari. Ti misurerò per un abito da uomo che costa più di quanto la maggior parte della gente guadagni in una settimana. - I will take you to every luxury restaurant I can find. You will wear Italian thousand dollar shoes. I'll measure you for a men's suit that costs more than most people earn in a week.

E quando arriviamo a casa, ti scoperò nel culo così forte che non puoi camminare. Ti lascerò persino toccarmi lì. - And when we get home, I’ll fuck you in the ass so hard that you can't walk. I'll even let you touch me there.

Voglio fare sesso in piscina. - I want to have sex in the pool.

[putschki1969]

Hello!! It’s great to see someone else as obsessed with kalafina as I am lol ^^ I just want to know, where do you get the content and stuff? Like the gifs you put with some of your posts. And just other videos of just kalafina hanging out? (Pretty much is there a kalafina equivalent of bts’s bangtan bombs?) I’ve seen a few videos of the three of them looking for costumes in their early days and one of them celebrating Hikaru’s birthday in LA but that’s it.

(Sorry this is a little continuation) and even when I found those, I had to dig DEEP into YouTube. I also saw two behind the scenes videos of their mvs (fairytale and progressive) but they were in really bad quality and no English subs (I’m trying to learn Japanese). It seems like their fan base isn’t big enough to Where ppl translate stuff. Also on the making vids, they said they got the video form their website, so I dug into it but couldn’t find it? Sorry this was long lol

Hi there!

Haha, I am definitely a very obsessed fan, however, unlike most fans I am more on the quiet side so I am not particularly vocal about my obsession.

I get content by working hard and constantly researching. ᕦ(ò_óˇ) The hustle is REAL! I also know a couple of amazing people who continuously help me with stuff that I can’t get due to various reasons. I would say that ever since I became a fan I have been collecting their stuff religiously. Throughout the years my collection has grown immensely. I have also tried my best to find all the super old stuff.

I am sorry, I have no idea what you mean by “bts’s bangtan bombs”. Are you asking for a comprehensive collection of content? A Kalafina-hub so to speak?Unfortunately there is -currently- no such thing. Kalafina stuff is scattered all across the internet The fandom isn’t what it used to be and there are hardly any dedicated people left so yeah, translated stuff is hard to come by (at least when it comes to English translations - Chinese and Russian translations are a different story).

That’s not to say that Kalafina stuff is impossible to find. There is actuallly so much floating around on Youtube, Facebook, VK, Bilibili and canta per me. You just have to invest a bit of time to look for it. But it’s not really hidden away so you won’t have a hard time finding those things. It might sound strange but it’s in fact a very good time to be a Kalafina fan. Sony used to delete so much content back in the day but nowadays they don’t seem to care anymore.

Doing a bit of self-promotion here: I take a lot of pride in providing as much Kalafina content as possible. I always share everything on my blog and while I mostly focus on recent stuff, I also regularly post old and juicy content. On top of that I have started uploading content to Google Drive to offer it permanently to all of my fellow fans. In the past I didn’t have enough storage space but just a few weeks ago I upgraded so I would be able to provide more content. It’s a slow process though since I have a full-time job and it seems like these days I am spending all of my free-time replying to asks. XDAnyways, I am sure you can find a ton of amazing stuff by simply following me and browsing through my archive. Please give it a try!

As for the making-of videos you are talking about, I actually just recently got an ask related to that topic. The anon was wondering if I had any of the PV making-ofs.Not sure which videos exactly you watched (there are a lot of uploads for those making-ofs) but none of them have good quality so you will just have to deal with that. A lot of Kalafina content has never been available in good quality unfortunately. In almost all cases the original source does no longer exist. Some stuff was only ever available in Japan so fans had to depend on generous people willing to share that stuff. If that stuff happened to have low quality you just dealt with it, it’s better than having nothing at all. There is actually quite a bit of Kalafina content that has forever been lost because no one ripped it (e.g. that final SPICE Kalafina broadcast *forever sad*)

While not many Kalafina videos ever got translated, there DOES exist a subbed version for both the progressive as well as the fairytale making-of!! They are very easy to find.

[karelysse]

"HOTLG Rework" asdfghjkl I think I love you. Tell me more about the FIC FUTURE ANGST

YEH that meme djkfgjkfjgk im so sorry i forgot about it ;;; i DID end up reworking a bit hotlg!!! took out a few things that bothered me and uh. tried to fix some language issues cuz it was a mess (still is but. less bad ig). i still have a few scenes i couldnt get outta my head that i wrote aside n wanted to add but… didnt do it much bc i feel it was more self-indulgent than anything. so i still have that lil edit folder, for maybe in the future idk

oh lord……. that was a big thing i had all plotted up in my head when i finished chap2…. and stucked me a lil bc i wanted to write it so bad but told myself i needed to finish chap3 first……. and ended up doing neither oh what a mess. so i kinda resent that idea now lmao sdjskjd

basically (i ranted so much to @hanyuwus bout this on twt lmao) its like an angst au that gets set like, 5-6 years from now. Yuzu won oly beijing or didnt go fjfjk cant remember and it doesnt rly matter. He’s SOARING in jpn, hes adored (like right now, but then he isnt such an hermit anymore, goes to talk shows and stuff, does a lot of work for charities, building rinks and whatev) by the public eye. Javi is in spain coaching, doing his thing, he has one good student he’s tryna rile up for gpf, yeh, not much talking actively to yuzu bc you know how it is with yuzu and they never texted much when they were training together anyway. Last time they saw eachother was like, two years ago at cricket by accident, and they’re still very fond, just not that close anymore. Javi had sent him a message of congratulations for his engagement last year that yuzu didnt answer to. javi doesn’t know the girl, but brian told him she was like an actress/singer or something, super super famous back in japan, and yeah javi guesses thats cool even if it came out of nowhere or whatever, he knows its sometimes like that in japan and they look very perfect and happy on pictures. 

BUT THEN

fic starts. javi gets a call from brian. its been three weeks since the vid, the scandal, since yuzu disappeared from the surface of the earth. javi heard of it ofc, everybody did. was worried a lil but it came right at the end of season, when all his skaters were doing 4CC and worlds. and nobody texted him about it, he saw it on the internet like everybody else. basically yuzu fucked up and got caught on tape making out w some guy, when technically he was engaged with JPN’s sweetheart, that girl that everybody loved, for like a whole year. Apart from the fact that hes gay, the scandal is mostly about how they lied to everyone and looked like they had this perfect wedding planned up when rly it was all bullshit. and nobody likes liars, ya know. so yuzu just disappeared, the girl was papped with red eyes and sunglasses next to her parents a couple times, and brian calls javi.

he’s like u heard bout yuzu. javi’s like well yeah omg how is that doing. brian’s like, well its pretty bad. he’s here in toronto with us, he flew right away, but its like the middle of the winter, and people recognize him here he cant go out and its cold and full of paparazzis and im worried about him. i remember you have a shack or something you bought for your parents somewhere lost in the middle of spanish countryside? can we like. ship yuzu there. so he can get so rest. and javi’s like : uh well. yeah yeah ofc send him there if he needs my parents are in the city for the summer the cottage is free. 

so yuzu gets there, arrives in helicopter this dramatic ass bitch, while javi gets to the cottage b4 him to greet him and show him around a bit before he leaves back to madrid. but like. yuzu is not okay, the old lady that takes care of the cottage keeps whining to javi about how there’s so much renovations to do that she cant do bc she’s old, and javi is kinda…. in need of a break too bc of of reasons…. so he stays w yuzu a lil longer. and….. unresolved stuff gets brought up, and gets resolved. and happy ending. two lonely boys find eachother back.

jeez lmao i tried to summarize that but i suck so bad im sorry dfjdkfjdkj BASICALLY its heavily based on the song wake up by eden, and idk if i’ll ever finish it cuz…..ya know idk

[myaekingheart]

So I’ve been having really intense dreams almost nightly for the past week, and then forgetting to document them, so here’s a shit ton.

May 4th

There was something about playing video games at some random girl’s house, but the details have since grown hazy.

And then I was five years old again. There was a magic school bus that would take you to different dimensions. The first trip we took, I was with an asthmatic boy who reminded me of Mikey from The Goonies, or my childhood best guy friend, or maybe a combination of the two. The bus took us to this pink mountain range, kind of like the one time space Kaguya sends Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi during that fight arc in Shippuden. Another person joined us for the second trip, but I can’t remember where we went. The third time was the most memorable and the most haunting, though. We were on a field trip to some pavilion, and I had flashbacks to when I was a kid and we visited the Indian River Lagoon. Me and this boy and three other kids snuck off to the bus, or maybe it was four other kids so that the math I present next will add up, because when we got to the bus it turned out it had a capacity of only five. We tried to pile inside but it was like the bus knew how many kids were inside of it and the boy was automatically, magically outside somehow. Our teacher was Steve from Blue’s Clues and when he noticed what we were doing, he started to gradually lose his mind. He panicked when he saw us all on the bus, and then the bus started slowly moving through the parking lot, and then it began to shake as if revving up for interdimensional travel. By this point, he had sprinted across the parking lot and was outside screaming “OPEN THE DOOR! OH MY GOD, OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR!” banging on the door and the windows and just overall losing his goddamn mind. And then one of the windows shattered and broke the bus’s magic, effectively stopping us all. I don’t remember what became of us afterward.

May 5th

My boyfriend and I were in what was supposed to be the guest bedroom at my grandmother’s house. There was a mattress on the floor and a window at the furthest end of the back wall right next to the corner, and the view outside was that of a street. My boyfriend and I were sitting on the floor hanging out when a black man on a cell phone shows up a little too close to the outside window, and he looked sketchy just by the way he was dressed and presenting himself (almost like he was homeless), and I had no idea what he was doing there so I start to panic. I tell my boyfriend to get down so he can’t see us and we do. And then outside, another man shows up, an older white man with long greasy gray hair. He’s carrying what I’m assuming is a machine gun. He starts shooting. The bullets break the glass and start coming through the window. I’m assuming he likely killed the black man. My heart is racing and I know if we stay where we are, we’re going to die so I grab my boyfriend’s hand and race to the bedroom door but it was shut (it always was). I’m standing there trying to turn the knob as the bullets rain in but I’m freaking out and my palms are probably sweaty and my anxiety is getting the best of me and I can’t fucking get it to turn so I basically have to tell myself to calm the fuck down and concentrate and I eventually do finally get the door open.

This dream then fades into something about an old dream I had once about my grandmother’s master bathroom being connected to the guest bathroom by way of a door or a closet or something like that.

And then that transitioned into a really weird dream about walking to school. It was the same school that has appeared in my dreams many times before, some strange take on my high school that I’ve never seen in real life before. But anyways, I was walking through this neighborhood with the intention of getting to campus, only to soon realize I was being followed. Behind me was this nerdy girl with mousy brown hair, long and parted down the middle, and glasses, and her nose constantly stuck in a book. She had this very plain look about her, no makeup, not necessarily pretty but not ugly either. She kind of reminded me of a girl I knew back in middle school. But anyway, her presence only made me that much more nervous about all of this seeing as I had no real grasp of where the fuck I was going. At one point, when I was in what looked like an empty town square (there was a brick office building about three or four stories tall that kind of reminds me of downtown where I live currently), we ran into another group of students who were also walking to school. They were being led by who I can only assume was my most recent French teacher. She called after the nerdy brunette following me to tell her that she was going the wrong way and had to turn down the next street, therefore passive-aggressively telling me that I, too, was basically going the wrong way. I was left with an overall overwhelming sense of panic and frustration feeling as if I was completely lost and incompetent.

May 7th

I was on this weird, giant cruise ship, the inside of which resembled this mall that I kind of recognize appeared in a different dream from a while back. There was this princess procession, mainly girls dressed like Belle first, that I of course took great interest in. As it turned out, it was part of an audition for a local party princess company. Afterward, all of the girls auditioning left this little shop that the company was based out of. I was standing outside. One of the people who leaves the shop is Cory Nation who, if you’re active on TikTok most likely, posts a lot of Disney cosplay vids on there. So he’s standing outside this little shop as all of the other girls auditioning are leaving and I guess mistakes me for one of them as he comes over to me to tell me how I had done such a good job. I feel kind of awkward about it knowing full well I was not among these girls, and feel as I don’t deserve the compliment, but I don’t say anything about it. Later on, I end up going swimming with him and some others and we’re all in the ocean in full on mermaid tails swimming alongside this sidewalk that looks like a pool deck with lots of greenery in the background. On our way back afterward, I run into my mother who I guess at this point I hadn’t seen in a while and so I start walking along with her. She asked me if I had seen my wealthy aunt at all on the trip and I said no. Then just then as we turn the corner on the pool deck, there she is sitting in a lounger. The last thing I want is to get into a conversation with her, so to avoid the confrontation, I grab my mom by the wrist and start running, dodging other people and whipping around corners just to get away from this woman. Running leads us into this weird Alice in Wonderland type maze thing—I just remember finding our way into a small room made out of ivy-laced black wrought iron fencing that had this diorama windows inside like the ones you find on Main Street in Magic Kingdom. One of them was really bizarre, displaying something like a bunch of chibi Lumieres dressed like Belle? I don’t know, it was weird as fuck.

May 9th

The first dream was brief and kind of boring but I was at a bar and ran into my elementary school crush, who started flirting with me, and it was overall just very weird.

The second dream returned me to my childhood best friend’s house for some birthday party. I remember some sort of mermaid theme. Anyways, my childhood best friend and I haven’t spoken since middle school but we follow each other on social media so I see all of her shit and everything that goes on in her life. Everything about both of our lives at this point is completely separate, and that really shone through in this dream. I was back in this house that, as a child, I had considered a second home, but I was surrounded by people I didn’t know and I just overall felt very awkward and like I didn’t belng there. It was really jarring, especially scrolling through social media the next day and seeing a lot of posts from her.

May 10th

The first dream had me back in my creative writing class at my community college, or at least a version of it. I had forgotten my book. I remember sitting there only half-listening to the teacher as I tried to devise a plan to sneak out of the room with the smaller backpack that was inside my bigger backpack so I could get my book unnoticed. I excused myself to the bathroom. I remember slightly panicking inside a cramped stall as I reorganized my clothes-- I had a hoodie that I slipped on and a button down that I tied around my waist. I forget the rest.

The second dream was the most vivid and perhaps the most unnerving/surreal. I was in what was supposed to my grandmother’s neighbor’s house. This was based on my grandmother’s real life next door neighbor, a woman we’ll call Dolly, who died a couple months ago. She loved puzzles and her house always smelled kind of musty. When I was a kid, she bought me my first Webkinz, an elephant. But besides all that, in my dream I was in what was meant to be an iteration of her house. It was one of those sweeping two story homes that you’d expect an old person to live in. It was me, my grandmother, my parents, and a few other people (all anime characters: a knight with long blue hair in a ponytail, and his daughter who had matching blue hair and a dress, and then Jessie and James from Pokemon and their two canonically non-existent children) who were there, and the house was empty. Dolly, in the dream, had just recently died and I guess we were there to help clean out her things. There was a lot of dust and cat hair (even though she doesn’t have a cat) clinging to the staircase so I took it upon myself to wipe it all down. As I was cleaning, I came across what I had thought was a clump of dust sticking out from underneath one of the stair boards, so I forced it up to pull it out only to find Dolly’s lifeless, disembodied head. So of course I start freaking out, calling for everyone to come take a look at this shit. My mom almost immediately turned back around on the verge of vomiting. My grandmother lost her shit. My dad just kind of stood there calm as he could be and was just kind of like “Well that’s intense.” And the anime gang (save for the little girl, who was not there) kind of exchanged looks and then ultimately decided they could not do this and that they needed to leave. Then the scene switched and we were all outside. The backyard was a makeshift cemetery where patches of dead grass shaped like Christian crosses indicated where the dead were buried. A weird game was ensuing where there were two teams of three people, each run by an old man coach, and the goal was to see how many points each team could rack up by having people take turns kicking golf balls across a field. I was on a team with my boyfriend, who was a soccer player in the past so I remember thinking to myself “He’s got this,” with our captain an old stout man with a plaid newsboy hat on. He was probably from the UK somewhere, I’m thinking Scotland. The other team was led by a rather crotchety old man in a suit, and I don’t remember any of the other members except for a little baby no older than two. The baby was the one I was up against. I gave a decent kick of the golf ball, and then it was the baby’s turn to go but she just kind of waddled around off in her own world, so the crotchety old man took matters into his own hands. He picked up the golf ball and launched it across the field on his own, which made the Scotsman incredibly angry. He started fuming, grabbing a shovel and threatening to dig up one of the corpses, I’m assuming Dolly. Chaos ensued. Everyone started running around and screaming “Don’t do that!” And then next thing I know, I’m on the ground staring into a hole where a corpse had been buried, and all along the dirt wall leading downward were tiny doors in dark muted colors with gold plated numbers, like apartment doors for a dollhouse. And then the next scene saw us all sitting around the staircase staring at this disembodied head, which we had quickly discovered was fake. A hyper-realistic rubber head. Someone, maybe it was myself, made a comment about “Well, you know Dolly and her dolls.” Someone else demonstrated the way you could see the cross-section of the different layers where the neck was, and how you could take the head apart to study each layer. For the last scene, I was outside of my own body watching from afar as the anime group trekked past the house at a great distance through deep snow, feeling unresolved and yet as if they did what they had needed to do. The little blue haired girl, the knight’s daughter, suspected nothing, but everyone else was relatively forlorn.  

[lasersheith]

y’all: cute fics about Sheith, sad fics about Shiro, intense heartwarming mother-son bonding time with Keith and Krolia

me: Matt would be so mad that someone else finally got Shiro to play D&D

[this is crack played straight, Shiro&Matt, Matt&Pidge, and background Sheith]

Matt hadn’t bothered to turn the light off when the sun came up. He hadn’t bothered to put the milk away, either. His phone, his datapad, and three radios were on the table in front of his bowl. He’d meant to go to bed but he couldn’t tear himself away. Please… please just ring. He silently begged the phone that hadn’t gone off all night.

Pidge was strong and smart and incredible and Shiro would never let anything happen to her. She was fine. He knew she was fine. She had gone toe to toe with him and had on him ass in less than a minute even after he survived the arena, the escape, all the rebel training, all the battles since. She was fine. So why hasn’t she called.

He shoveled another spoonful of wheat-esque and glucose-like circles into his mouth. He would have given anything for a real bowl of Lucky Charms. He couldn’t even read the name on the nearly empty box in front of him and he probably wouldn’t get the cultural reference anyway. It was the fifth planet he’d been stationed on in as many weeks as the rebels fought their way across the Galra occupied zones against anyone who refused to yield to Lotor. Matt was exhausted and just wanted to hear his sister’s voice.

The phone rang and he almost threw his spoon at it. He didn’t bother wiping the milk off of his chest or lap as he scrambled for it. “Pidge! You’re ok! Thank god! What took you so long?” The video feed popped up and he had to hold back a sob.

“I was so right!” She said with a smug grin. “Lotor was a snake. We got him, though.” Her smile was brighter than the rising sun in the background.

He blinked as her words hit him. “Wait, you guys killed Lotor?” He asked, brows furrowing. It had a lot of implications for his current operation.

“Uh, kind of? We trapped him in a quintessence field between universes.” She explained with a shrug.

That didn’t sound particularly good. “In a what?” He asked with wide eyes. The glare from the sun behind her made it hard to see. “Wait why are you outside?”

She shrugged and turned, putting the sun to her side instead of her back so they could see each other better. “We had to blow up the castle.”

Matt set the phone down on the table and took a deep breath. “Are you all ok? Did…” He swallowed hard. She was smiling so he couldn’t imagine they’d lost anyone. He had to be sure. “Did everyone make it?” His voice dropped low.

Pidge turned the phone and scanned the area, showing him the little pockets of people in their makeshift camp. “Yup! Everyone’s just fine. Well mostly. Shiro lost his Galra arm, but he’s not a clone anymore so that’s ok.” She smiled into the screen and Matt frowned.

“He’s not a what.” It wasn’t really a question, but it was. A clone? How?

Pidge laughed. “Yeah, a lot happened. I’m sending you coordinates.” She typed a bit into the phone and Matt saw her message pop up on the screen under her video feed. “We gotta get back to Earth, dad has the plans to build a new Castle of Lions.”

Matt sighed. “Ok, I’ll tell Olia I need to leave right away. Hopefully they can spare a ship.” Going home sounded like equal parts heaven and hell. He wasn’t sure what his mom was going to say. Or what he was going to say for that matter. A lot had changed.

“Ok, cool. It’s gonna take a long time to get there without the teleduv so get here as soon as you can.” She motioned at Lance to go away as he made silly faces in the background.

Matt cringed. “Guess I should bring a book or something.” He said with a forced laughed.

Pidge’s eyes lit up again. “Forget books!” She shouted excitedly. “Coran has a super cool version of D&D that we played a couple days ago, you’re gonna love it!”

Matt slammed the phone down. “Turn off the vid feed, I need pants.” He grumbled.

“Why were you not wearing pants?” He couldn’t see her face anymore, but he knew from the tone of her voice that she was making a disgusted face.

He wiped the milk off of his chest and leg and pulled on his clothes. “I was eating cereal.” He grumbled.

Pidge cleared her throat. “Ok, sure.” She answered, not entirely convinced.

“I’ll be there as soon as possible, I gotta go find Olia right now.” His voice was gruffer than he meant it to be.

The video feed popped back up. “Ok, be careful. We’re not going anywhere until you get here.” She promised, smiling wide.

..

Matt touched down next to the black lion and stalked out of it, greeting his sister with a big hug while he tried to tamp down the coiling in his gut. “I’m proud of you, kitkat, you did good.” He said with a smile.

She rolled her eyes at the nickname. “I think I did well but thank you.” She answered sarcastically with a smile of her own.

“Where’s Shiro?” Matt asked, trying to keep the anxiety out of his voice.

Pidge pointed at the small fire they had going. He thanked her and made his way over to it, ignoring the rest of the group at large. There were new faces he’d have to meet and a lot they’d have to bring him up to speed on, but there was something more important he needed to do first.

Shiro was snuggled into Keith’s side as they sat by the fire, talking quietly. Matt noticed his hair first and then his arm. It didn’t change anything. He stomped over, interrupting their quiet conversation by kicking Shiro’s leg lightly. “What the hell, Shiro?” He put his hands on his hips and quietly seethed.

Keith looked between them, confused. He stood up to help as Shiro struggled to his feet. “Hey, Matt.” Shiro’s voice was soft and his smile was beautiful. It didn’t make things any better.

“8 years, Shiro!” He squeezed his hands into fists and tried not to let himself cry. “I tried, for 8 years, to get you to play D&D, and you played without me.” His voice cracked and his eyes welled.

Shiro laughed so hard he started coughing. “I’m sorry, that’s what we’re focusing on?” He asked, gesturing first to his hair, then his arm, then Keith. “Are you actually mad that my evil clone played space dungeons and dragons without you?” Keith stood staring between them, dumbstruck.

“I really, really am.” Tears started spilling down his cheeks.

Shiro knew that wasn’t it. There was too much going on, so much had happened in such a short amount of time. He stepped forward and pulled Matt close, letting him rest his head on Shiro’s chest. “I’m sorry, we’ll play on the way home.” He promised as Matt’s shoulders shook.

Matt wrapped his arms around Shiro’s waist and buried his eyes in the soft material of his shirt. “Good, we better.” His voice cracked again. Shiro held him and let him cry for a few minutes before he finally stepped back, scrubbing an embarrassed hand across his eyes to wipe away the tears. “Which one of you finally confessed, by the way?”

Shiro and Keith both blushed and looked between each other. “Keith, technically.” Shiro answered. “Kind of.”

Matt frowned. “What do you mean?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well he didn’t know I was a clone yet. But I remember the whole thing.” Shiro explained. “I told him I felt the same way as soon as I woke up back in my body.”

Matt nodded thoughtfully. There was a lot to unpack there, but he wasn’t going to try just then. “So I think Pidge owes me $100.” He said instead.

Shiro and Keith both laughed and pulled him into a hug.

[zaeedmassanis]

stuck on believing

growing up on the streets of flooded new york, she never dreamed that she could ever have this.

or: five times aina shepard told garrus vakarian she loved him, and one time he told her.

read on ao3

Now is no time for a proper reunion. Not when the last thing she remembers is still the cold, dark eye of Alchera glimmering in the distance as dark spots cloud her vision, not when she’s got two Cerberus operatives at her back (and wouldn’t she rather have Garrus there instead, like old times) and glimmering red scars crisscrossing her skin. But nothing has ever been easy for her, so she supposes she can take it in stride.

That being said, she’s still loath to leave Garrus’ side, and she leaves Jacob with him to try to ease her mind. “I know you can take care of yourself,” she says lowly when he protests, “but just – let me have this? I can’t lose you.”

And he, bless him, still gets it after the two years she’s told she’s been dead. “Understood, Shepard,” he says crisply.

Before she can say anything else (and what is there to say, what can she possibly put into words), the first mercs come into view and she’s got other things on her mind for the time being.

If she can forget about Lawson and Taylor, it could almost be normal – Garrus above her, covering her back and yelling in her ear, the two of them hopelessly outnumbered but still doing their damnedest to stick it through. And the biotic glow from both the Cerberus operatives doesn’t hurt either – if she squints, it’s almost like Liara’s back with them again. Almost like nothing has changed.

She doesn’t have time to think about what’s changed, anyways, even in the breathers between waves when she can rush up to go check on Garrus (and it’s just – she needs him alive, of course, it’s definitely not that he’s the only grounding presence she has in this fuckup of a galaxy.)

They do all right, the four of them, the mercs barely able to take down their shields, let alone actually hit them. Shepard begins to believe that they might get out of here soon enough, and none the worse for wear. It’s probably the most hope she’s felt since she woke up in that lab with alarms blaring all around her.

But then she hears the gunship. It fires a barrage of shots on the upper floor of the building that, themselves, don’t seem to do much damage, but just when she thinks Garrus and Jacob are home free and she can go take out the gunship, she hears one more blast.

A gasp.

A gurgle.

“Garrus!” she screams. The deafening silence – even with the gunshots and biotic flares and the screaming – tells her all that she needs to know.

Suddenly full of rage, she storms up the stairs of the building and zeroes in on the gunship that took Garrus out. (She can’t look at the huddled lump near the couch, the spreading pool of dark, viscous blue blood, the smoking armour plate – not without breaking down herself, and she can’t have that. Not now of all times.)

And she unloads everything she’s got into that damned gunship, even if all that comes to is a submachine gun and a grenade launcher. But it does the job well enough, coupled with a few plasma rounds, and soon the gunship falls in a smouldering ruin.

And none too soon, either, as Garrus still isn’t moving. Shepard dashes over there as soon as she can, not even sparing a glance for the wreckage of the gunship and trusting the Cerberus operatives (and my, isn’t that a thought) to take out the rest of the stragglers.

She chokes out his name, a prayer or a sob (she doesn’t know) when he breathes. But the gurgle is there, the sound of blood that she knows will put him in even more danger if they can’t get him out of here fast enough. But she can’t let him know that. “We’re getting you out of here, Garrus. Just hold on. Radio Joker,” she orders, struggling to hold her voice steady. “Make sure they’re ready for us.”

Taylor says something, probably, but she can’t hear him, blood pounding in her ears as she tries to do something – anything – to stem the blood. “You’ve gotta pull through this, okay?” she says. “You and me, we’re in this together. No Shepard without Vakarian, come on!” But he’s not responding, mouth maybe working to try to form words (or maybe he’s just trying to cough the blood up, not that it would do much good and – Shepard, stop thinking like that, it doesn’t do anything for anyone involved–)

And Lawson says that it’s still going to be some time before Karin can get a medical team down in here, and – well, Shepard’s out of options. She needs to keep Garrus alive, needs him awake, needs – him.

“Garrus, goddamnit, you’re tougher than this, you can get through this, stay alive, I love you–” and she doesn’t even register half the words that come out through her senseless babble. All she knows is that he can’t die on her, not now, not like this, not ever.

“I want something to go right,” Garrus says, and Shepard wants to take him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. After all this time, how could he still not see what she saw so clearly, how well they already fit together and how they couldn’t hurt each other even if they tried?

But the pain in his eyes is so clear, so open, and – when did she get so good at reading him, when only a year ago (three years, her brain whispers) she would have been at a complete loss? And she can’t bear it, can’t stand to see him doubt, so she reaches up to touch his face, hoping that he might be able to read her the same way.

(It’s not an entirely unselfish gesture. She’s been dreaming about what his plates would feel like under her fingertips for what feels like ages.)

He leans into her touch, meeting her eyes, and – yes, he understands her perfectly. As he did at the beginning, as she thought they had lost with Sidonis, as they’ve found again. As they are found, in each other.

And her world narrows down to points of sensation, words falling out of her mouth and plates on her skin and Garrus, clear blue eyes boring right into her soul. They don’t fit together perfectly, but she wasn’t expecting them to. It’s enough for her to know that he wants her just as badly as she wants him, that he’s willing to try, that they can find some refuge in each other.

Garrus is a quick study, she finds to her delight, and her own curiosity helps break down any remaining barriers they may have between them. She’s fascinated by his body, by the dull shine of his plates and the way they interlock. And by the way he can’t stop touching her shoulders, her breasts, her hips, he feels the same.

When he slides into her, he tries to be gentle at first. And Shepard thinks it’s flattering, she really does, but – she’s not made of glass, and Garrus knows that. So she tells him as much.

“Are you sure, Shepard?” he says, mandibles fluttering. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” she responds. “I know you won’t.” This might be all we get, she doesn’t say. I want whatever you can give me.

So he takes a deep breath and starts again, a relentless force that she can barely brace herself against. Her mouth closes in around the spot where neck meets cowl, where his skin gives just enough that her teeth can find purchase. She holds on as hard as she can, helpless against the rising tide, feeling him in every atom of her being.

“I think I love you,” she gasps into his hide, biting down as hard as she can. He’s too far gone to hear her say it, at least, but – would that be so bad, if he knew?

He spills into her, and all thought is driven out of her head.

They’re standing at the very top of the Presidium, and Shepard hears it’s supposed to be a good view –it’s definitely better than anything she saw growing up on flooded, overcrowded Earth at any rate – but her mind is still more on the man in front of her.

And he’s everything she’s ever wanted, and she’s not sure where she went wrong, to make him feel like she didn’t want to leap back into his arms the moment she saw him on Menae, but – this is a chance for her to fix that now, and by god she’s going to do it.

“Are you ready to be a one-turian kind of woman?” he asks, and Shepard could laugh with how quintessentially Garrus that is.

“The only thing that made leaving Earth bearable was knowing you were out there somewhere,” she starts, and that’s the God-given truth for whatever value of god is out there.

Before she can continue, he responds, “I felt the same way. The worst part about the galaxy going to hell would’ve been never getting to see you again,” and – Shepard has never felt so cherished, so wanted as she does right now. Every neuron in her body is firing at high speed, and he’s not even touching her yet.

But he’s looking at her like she hung every moon in every sky, and that – that’s enough. Maybe even more.

The decision is so, so easy to make. Barely a decision at all, if she’s being honest – it was never even a question. “Well, here I am. Exactly where I want to be. I love you, Garrus Vakarian,” she says, and it’s still the scariest thing she’s ever done. She’s never said it before, not to anyone, not where they could hear her. No one had ever mattered as much, been as important, as this impossible, infuriating man in front of her.

And suddenly she understands why Garrus was so nervous in her cabin, all those months ago. She wants for this to go right so badly, wants to see what they can get up to without the constant threat of war hanging over their heads. She wants to go to sleep every night and wake up every morning for the rest of her life with him next to her.

He’s startled, like he didn’t expect her to actually say it, like he didn’t think she’d actually be in love with him. “Wow. The vids Joker gave me – well, they never got this far,” he says, and this time, Shepard can’t stifle her laugh. But Garrus forges on anyways, mandibles twitching in nervousness. “There was the part about sleeping together, but this–”

Shepard doesn’t want to torment him any longer. Anyway, it’s been so long since he kissed her, and she’s beyond due for another. So she leans in and shuts him up.

Growing up on the streets of New York, she never could have dreamed she’d get here one day, here on top of the Presidium with someone she loves, who she knows loves her. And maybe the galaxy is still falling to pieces around them, and she’s still the only one responsible for putting them back together, but this, here, is her happiness.

She’s still breathing heavily when the crowd finally disperses and they make their way back over to the bar. At a signal from Garrus, the bartender sets a copper mug in front of her – a welcome respite from all the krogan and batarian alcohol she’s been drinking lately. “How’d you know I like a good Moscow mule?” she asks, taking a long swig.

Garrus shrugs. “You may have said something about it once,” he responds, taking a much smaller sip from his own glass.

“Mmm,” she hums, conceding the point. And they sit there in companionable silence for a few moments, just resting in the other’s company, and it’s – it’s nice, to slow down and to just. Have this.

Then a thought occurs to her, and she says, reaching for his hand, “And, Garrus? For the record, you were right about your voice.”

“Is that so?” he rumbles, amused. “This voice, huh?”

She laughs despite herself. “You could get any girl you wanted with that voice alone. But you’re not going to use it on anyone besides me.”

“I’m not,” he agrees.

Shepard feels lighter already. “So, what do you say to getting out of here?” she asks, draining the last of her drink.

He’s up before she is, offering her his arm as they walk out of the casino. With every step they take, it’s harder and harder for Shepard to (mostly) keep her hands to herself. Garrus cuts such a fine figure in his suit (better than she could ever in a dress, probably) and Shepard isn’t a weak woman, exactly, but she’s weak for this, for him. Nevertheless, she tries to keep her cool.

The moment they step into the elevator up to her floor, however, all bets are off. As the doors hiss shut, Shepard reaches for Garrus, pulling him into a deep kiss that leaves them both panting. “What’s that all about?” he asks, feigning ignorance.

Shepard isn’t having any of it. “You know what you do to me, Vakarian.”

His mandibles flare outward in a smile. “Oh, I know what I’m going to do to you tonight, that’s for sure.”

So they don’t exactly make it to a bed.

At least not for the first round.

By the time they’re finally done, however, they’re nestled together in her bed, up in her room, and Shepard doesn’t think she’s ever been happier, even if the universe is falling to pieces outside these four walls.

Now that she thinks about it, she’s probably been in love with Garrus since the moment she laid eyes on him. Not that she’d ever say that to his face, of course. His ego doesn’t need any more stroking. But here, in this rare moment of peace when she’s lying in his arms (and they don’t fit together perfectly but god, it’s still like they were made for each other), she lets herself think it.

“Something on your mind?” Garrus rumbles, chest pressed close to her back.

“Mmm,” she hums noncommittally, snuggling backward and seeking more of his warmth. “You.”

“I should hope so,” he says, but he chuckles nonetheless. “Wouldn’t want you to be thinking about anything else right now.”

Shepard smiles, eyes slipping shut. God, she loves him.

“I love you too, Shepard,” he murmurs into her neck, and – oh, she had said that out loud. And it still feels so new, to just say things like that, to open up instead of hiding, and Shepard’s suddenly struck with the need to make sure Garrus knows exactly what he means to her.

So she tells him, with her lips and hands and body, over and over again until she knows it's all he can think about.

Of course she’d bring him with her here at the end of all things. Even though what he had said back at the base had sounded like a goodbye, there was no way Shepard was going to finish this without Garrus at her side.

And they’re doing so well at first, even with three goddamn banshees converging on the burnt-out husk of this convenience store. The ruins of London around her are sobering, as is the constant struggle to just heave a full breath of oxygen, but they’re still alive and she thinks that, just maybe, they can do this.

But then they start to feel the pressure. Shepard’s keeping an eye on the missile bank, making sure no Reaper forces get anywhere near it, when a tell-tale alarm sounds. Her shields are all but gone.

She swings around wildly, trying to find whoever it is that’s shooting at her, but to no avail. It’s too dark, too chaotic. Shots ricochet off the aged stone and the shouts of soldiers fill her ears.

Something punches through her armour then, a sharp, burning pain spreading through her shoulder. She yells, once, instinctively ducking behind whatever-it-is she’s in front of, before she hears the loud boom of a firing Widow.

Garrus dashes to her side, rifle still in hand. “You good?”

“I am now,” she says as the medi-gel kicks in. “Thanks for that. Where was it?”

Garrus jerks his head to the left. “Over there, behind some rubble. Dead now, though.”

“Good.” She slams another heat sink into her Predator and pokes her head around what appears to be the remnants of a wall, firing at the seemingly endless waves of Reaper forces. “Where’s Javik?”

“Right behind you,” Javik calls from a few feet behind them. “You need to get to the missile bank!”

“Working on it!” she yells, taking out a cannibal with a few well-placed shots, looking for an opening. “Come on, come on, come on–”

“Commander!” EDI says. “The destroyer is in range! The missiles are ready for launch.”

Shepard nods reflexively. “On it,” she responds.

It takes a few more heart-stopping moments (and a close encounter of the brute kind) but she makes it over there, slamming the button before diving back into cover. She can’t afford to watch the missiles find their way into the core of the destroyer, not when there are still enemies everywhere and her shields seem to be gone more often than not.

But then the sky fills with fire and an earth-shattering boom. Shepard wastes no time staring at the spectacle, taking out another cannibal when EDI says, “Destroyer terminated.”

“Nice work, EDI,” she says. And then Anderson and his convoy slowly pick their way across the fields of rubble to their location, and after a hasty conference, they’re off and running to the Conduit.

Shepard sees a Mako launch towards her, ducking out of the way just in time. But when she looks back, she sees that Garrus and EDI are both crumpled on the ground, barely moving.

She rushes over to them, helping Garrus up to take cover behind the Mako. EDI’s smoking, her movements stilted, and Garrus is wincing with pain with every movement. They can’t stay here.

“Normandy! Do you copy?” she all but screams into her comm. “I need an evac! Right now!” Garrus looks at her askance, but she ignores him in favour of talking to Joker. He’d talk her into leaving him here with her otherwise, and – well, that’s a death sentence she can’t accept.

The Normandy appears just in time, and the three of them run to its loading bay just as the Mako explodes behind them. Shepard hears the growling of yet more Reaper forces behind them, but her crew provides some covering fire as EDI rushes into the loading bay.

Garrus, however, is having more trouble moving. Carefully guiding him onto the ramp, Shepard shouts, “Here! Take him!”

He’s not having it. “Shepard–”

But she won’t let him. She can’t – if he has any chance of living, he needs to go, now. “You gotta get out of here,” she says, cutting him off.

“And you’ve got to be kidding me,” he says, obstinate as always.

Any other time, she’d reconsider. But not now. “Don’t argue, Garrus.”

“We’re in this till the end,” Garrus insists. Don’t go where I can’t follow, his subvocals say.

But there’s no arguing the point. Shepard’s doing this for him. And he needs to know that, needs to know that – if there was any other way –

She steps forward. “No matter what happens here, you know I love you.” Cupping his mandible, leaning in as close as she dares, she adds, “Always will.”

He leans into her touch, and she wishes she could feel his plates through her gloves, give him more than just this shoddy approximation of a tender caress, but there’s no time. “Shepard, I – love you too,” he says, every breath a new wound.

She knows she can’t linger any longer, but pulling away from Garrus is the hardest thing she’s ever done. And she won’t let herself look back at him, even if it’s – it’s the last time she’ll ever see him, because if she meets his eyes again she doesn’t know how she’ll will herself to let go a second time.

So she doesn’t see his lips move in silent prayer as he stares after her, arm still outstretched, begging any spirit who’s listening to keep her safe.

He got here as fast as he could. It still took a week for them to finish the Normandy repairs and get off that bloody planet, but he’s here in London now and Shepard is alive.

For whatever value of life she has right now. Garrus pauses in the doorway of her hospital room – the least damaged in all of London – even though every bone in his body wants to rush to her, to hold her and never let go. But she looks so fragile, like never before, asleep like some human fairy tale and not the living legend she is, and he’s terrified that he’s going to break her even more, somehow.

And it’s – it’s so hard, seeing her lying there on the hospital bed, swallowed by the sheets and looking so, so small. For as long as he had known her, Shepard had been larger than life, a force of nature sweet-talking everyone in her way and barrelling through them if they still refused to step aside.

But her injuries aren’t something she can just persuade to fall in line. Miranda had given him the lowdown when she had walked him to Shepard’s room, and. Well. Garrus doesn’t doubt that she can get through this, what with the sheer amount of cybernetics (old and new) forcing her to live.

That doesn’t mean that he’s still not absolutely fucking terrified, though. She’s been in a coma since they found her, Miranda had said, and – she wouldn’t want to live like this forever, Garrus knows that. But he doesn’t want to – he can’t – picture a life without her, years stretching on into infinity in a universe without Commander Shepard.

“I’m here,” he says, settling in the chair next to her bed and taking her hand. “I’m here, you’re safe, we won, I love you, please, please wake up.”

And he doesn’t know that he’s echoing history, the universe’s cruel joke reverberating through the past year back to Omega and another medbay on the opposite side of the galaxy. All he knows is here, now, Shepard hurts and he’s powerless to stop it.

He doesn’t know how long he stays there, clutching her hand like it’s a lifeline and he’s the drowning man instead of the other way around. All he knows is that, when she wakes up, he’ll be here for her. Like he always is.

[violetemerald]

Multi-Couples/Multi-Friendships - "Shout" (The Joy & Pain of My Queerplatonic Relationship) - WYA

Song is called “Shout” and is by Ross Copperman. This video was a NIGHTMARE to edit and render because idk, my software just KEPT crashing, GOSH it was trying to kill me I swear.

This was made for season 2, round 2 of GlowingAprilSky's "Who You Are" contest, this time themed around "The Relationship". (Round 1, “Breaking Point” I entered with a fanvideo tribute to embracing my asexuality & sex-aversion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqRr60lP444 ) The idea for this round was to show a person who helped really change who we are going forward in our life, basically. We participants in the contest were supposed to focus on capturing how they affected us, and how they shaped who we are.

YouTube descriptions have character limits but tumblr doesn’t so look under the “~~~~~” for more stuff than what I could fit in my YouTube description! I transcribed the voiceovers down there too.

Urban Dictionary begins defining Queerplatonic as "a relationship which is more intense and intimate than is considered common or normal for a 'friendship', but doesn't fit the traditional sexual-romantic couple model."

Every Queerplatonic Relationship (QPR) or set of Queerplatonic Partners (QPP) is different, chooses the terminology for different reasons, and that's really the beauty of it. This is a word to describe everything that was forgotten in mainstream culture's narrow boxes of "just friends" vs. "more than friends because of the romantic(&usually sexual too) component". Some sex-averse asexual people are in celibate romantic relationships. But others are in relationships that are "more complicated".

Robert* and I met at an asexual meetup group. I was 25, he was 26. He leaned gay and had no attraction towards women (I'm female) but we bonded quickly over having a lot in common, and became close friends. I wasn't sure if I was aromantic or panromantic or what, but I knew in the back of my mind I'd like a queerplatonic partner one day. We had a lot of fun, went to concerts together, played board games, watched TV/films, talked about families and pasts including the deep personal stuff, the traumas. He shared about his mental health with me.

(*name has been changed)

At some point along the way, we realized we wanted similar futures. We both had wanted, since long before we met each other, to become foster parents and later adoptive parents. We were both atheists & while I'd planned to wait to start looking for a qpp to be a co-parent for my future children until after I was no longer unemployed, maybe after I'd figured out where I'd live in the country and stuff, it just happened sooner than I was ready. It was too perfect, too good to pass up, and after we'd known each other for about 7 months we stopped just being super close friends. We became queerplatonic partners. We didn't do anything really different, but we had this shared plan to one day be committed life partners and to for now be logical "plus ones" to events where people might bring significant others, such as his siblings' weddings. We were "together".

He broke up with me the 1st time after we'd been QPPs for 4 months. I was really crushed but happy we were at least still friends. It took some time to get back into a groove. We weren't as close. He ended it because he wasn't sure anymore he wanted that future and because he'd been hoping to feel more romantic things for me with time but instead his feelings had remained platonic. He was super important to me, & he'd told me before we broke up that he was thinking of signing up to deploy (as a U.S. civilian contractor) to Afghanistan.

He ultimately did leave to go on the 6 month deployment about 2 weeks into me finally having a full time job, long after we'd broken up. But we started texting more, while he was over there. (Facebook messaging, actually.) Our friendship's closeness was rekindled. We each had lots of down time during workdays, and we got back together around 1 month into his deployment.

We talked about everything for the 5 months we were in a long distance relationship, shared our lives with each other, and were "together". I told him I looked forward to slow dancing with him one day, and ice skating, etc... we rekindled our plans to become non-biological parents....

Skipping over some details he broke up with me only days after we first saw each other in person for the first time in 6 months. He texted, said he "Couldn't do this anymore", and when I tried to ask why he said he got a call but we'd talk more the next day.

I had texted a little more after that, asking if our near future plans to do a suicide prevention walk together etc were definitely off (because last time we still did some things together as friends, I thought maybe it wouldn't be outside the realm of possibility).

He never texted back, never contacted me again. I feel kinda like I was ghosted, abandoned. He never explained why we suddenly after 2 years were just... nothing. This was 6 months ago.

This vid should hopefully capture a lot of that (& more?). (Btw: I purposely didn't show ANY kissing.)

~~~~~

Some of the details I skipped over were that while I was with him, I realized how “demisensual” I am, not demisexual, I’m 100% asexual, but rather the “Sensual” suffix - I do not crave touch at all in my relationships unless I have a strong emotional bond, but I looked forward to reuniting and hugging him for months, and I did and it was a glorious hug when he was back home.

I also started fantasizing about maybe marrying him, or thinking about legality of adopting together if we weren’t married and how that probably would be impractical... and how we would or wouldn’t queer the wedding, and do it secularly without religion because that’s important to us, and how I probably wouldn’t want to wear white and stuff... but I was scared to voice these fantasies too early and scare him away.

Also we gave each other gifts by mail even during those 5 months when we were long-distance, and over the course of our relationship before that too. That was a pretty good indicator of how close we’d gotten, he bought be an iPod, gave me a necklace I liked to wear, I picked out gifts for him really carefully for Christmas too, etc.

But how did this relationship change who I am or the course of my life/my future? I mean, because of Robert I realized it’s possible for me to fall in love, and it made my dream of finding a co-parent despite my orientation seem tangible, it gave me hope and optimism for a time, showed me how much joy I was capable. For a while there I had started basically thinking of him as my fiance, I felt that committed to him.

I could tell things weren't perfect, especially at the end, but I couldn't tell for sure where his mind was at. I was waiting till we were alone and in person together and it basically never came. I was a little worried about him & his mental state near the end, also just worried about us. The time we spent together when he first got back was mainly in groups with other friends though so we didn’t get privacy.

I kinda sorta saw it coming here and there. He seemed a little afraid to commit to me, and much more closeted than me about any of his non-straightness, him being gay-gray-asexual, the gay part was hard given his upbringing and the asexual part he acted like was more private but I... I am not private about this stuff. Lol see this video I just made. So that was part of why I wanted to include David/Keith from Six Feet Under and capture the complexities of internalized homophobia/wishing he was straight/”using me” to be able to say he had a “Girlfriend” as a good thing for his reputation in front of his straight guy friends/co-workers while I kinda felt like I was lying every time I might call him my boyfriend maybe to a co-worker. The whole thing was more complicated than I can really explain right now, but I wanted to try.

After he left me with no explanation of why he “can’t do this relationship anymore”, why we couldn’t even stay friends, with nothing more than answering my initial “Was it something I did??” with a “Not really”, uh... my heart was shattered and I was so angry and so heartbroken and... at first I was a little worried he might be struggling so much mentally that he’d be suicidal and I was checking to see that he still was “Active” on Facebook sometime that day so I’d, I guess be assured he was fine.

He showed me how much grief and sadness I really can feel over a breakup,  he affected how I think of so many little things with a twinge of sadness for 6 months now, he may not be the love of my life, but he will always be my first real love. He wasn’t my first boyfriend. But he was my first queerplatonic partner, the first person I fell in love with, and the first relationship I truly had to learn to mourn. He will always be “a” love of my life, in my life story I’ll never forget him. Those 2 years were so significant.

He also has made it really hard for me to forsee ever trusting that a person really means it when they tell me how much they’re looking forward to plans for the future, how committed they are, how much they care about me, etc, because of how suddenly he changed his stances on everything. He left me traumatized to just suddenly go from assuring me yes he wanted to spend Memorial Day in two weeks with me and sending me cards in the mail expressing how happy he was to see me again in person soon, and then the next day be breaking up with me and cutting off all contact whatsoever, ending our friendship and acquaintance entirely. It gave me whiplash. It made me doubt my instincts about other people, and I’m going to have to make an effort to not let him taint any future relationship, if I’m so lucky to one day have one. Which. I’m not holding my breath there...

Because yeah, even now, 6 months later, I am legitimately worried I will never be able to find anyone to co-parent adopted children with who wants a queerplatonic type kissing-free, sex-free relationship with me. I’m trying to think practically about possibly doing the parenting thing single. I just don’t know yet where my life will lead, and if I indeed do any single or joint-parenting thing, it’s still a few years off.

About this video, I wanted to include a mix of friendships and couples to capture how being queerplatonic is neither one nor the other. I’m not “shipping” all these friendships, at least not in the traditional sense. I’m embracing loving them for exactly what they are in canon as a representation of what queerplatonic level bonds can be!

The majority of the ships started as friends and then started kissing/dating, and may or may not have ended up together on the show, but they had this heart to them of deep friendship which helps me relate to them and pushed me to want to include them in this video. I had so many options and some of the ones I chose to include in the end surprised even myself.

Every single pairing in this video remained friends with each other, at the very least, by the end of the TV show, except for the two Parenthood ones and also I think Jake/Peyton never saw each other again. So that’s pretty good, either ending up together or at least being on friendly terms till the end for 18 out of 21 “Ships”. Even one of those two parenthood ones, Ryan & Amber, did end up being co-parents so they are still in each other’s lives, LOL!!

I almost included other model relationships I love on TV shows like Reid/Maeve (Criminal Minds) but so much of their relationship is about literal grief over a death and idk, this is just different. There were tons of choices of ships, more queerplatonic level partnerships in things I watch - remember http://luvtheheaven.tumblr.com/post/155333908172/list-of-queerplatonic-level-relationships-people and well, basically... I watch WAY too much TV. But I ultimately settled on these 21 to get to the heart of what I wanted to go for. I even included two couples I usually consider myself not to ship, Laurel/Oliver and Chloe/Clark. I was never rooting for either, and think Lauriver are much better as friends on Arrow and don’t believe their chemistry, but the way Oliver and Clark act towards Laurel and Chloe respectively really reminds me of some of the moments of unreciprocated feelings Robert seemed to have towards me at times, like he cared deeply but didn’t care as much as I did, etc etc.

Friendships With Fully Incompatible Sexual Orientations to really capture our Asexual and Aro-Spec type of attraction me and my qpp had for each other:

John/Sherlock (to me these are THE classic queerplatonic bond) (BBC Sherlock)

Wilson/House (based off Sherlock Holmes and John Watson, these two also have so much of that vibe) (House M.D.)

Mario/Angus (Code Black)

Scott/Stiles (Teen Wolf)

Neal/Mozzie (White Collar) - it’s important to me that I headcanon them as queerplatonic these days, they are such partners in their lives, it’s like... the commitment, gosh

Friendships that also had one-sided romance or were more complicated:

Caitlin/Cisco (The Flash) - their friendship isn’t more complicated at all, yet, not really. But they are more obviously shippable even if you’re not a slash shipper because they both are straight and female/male. Like they totally could end up together on the show and it wouldn’t surprise me if they go there eventually, who really knows. They have compatible sexual orientations is all. They are therefore “more likely” to find each other attractive than either me or my qpp were likely to have those feelings for each other. That’s why I’m putting them down here.

Brian/Voodoo - Voodoo is asexual, Brian is straight (Sirens)

Karma/Amy - Amy is queer, Karma... well people might debate if she’s straight or not... (Faking It)

Chloe/Clark (Smallville) - I don’t think them dating for about 1.5 episodes out of 10 full seasons and over 200 episodes counts to put them in the category below.

Regular ships/couples, who still had long periods of being “just friends” (before and/or as exes):

Bay/Emmett (Switched at Birth)

Toby/Spencer (Pretty Little Liars)

Jake/Peyton (One Tree Hill)

Laurel/Oliver (Arrow)

Joan/Adam (Joan of Arcadia)

Auggie/Annie (Covert Affairs)

David/Keith (Six Feet Under)

Ryan/Amber (Parenthood)

Jim/Pam (The Office)

Drew/Amy (Parenthood)

Matt/Julie (Friday Night Lights)

Rory/Jess (Gilmore Girls)

Voiceovers:

Toby: I feel like when we’re picturing our future together, we’re not looking at the same picture anymore.

Peyton: Do you want to get married?

Peyton: Giving your heart to somebody; that’s the scary part.

Karma: What do I have to do to get you to stay?

Joan: But you had my heart, Adam!

John (Bay’s father): You okay?

Claire, David’s sister: What do you see in him? Keith: He’s smart. He’s kind. He’s funny. When someone sees you as you really are, and wants to be with you, that’s powerful.

Wilson: I need a friend. I need you to tell me that you love me.

Stiles: What if... What if Scott’s my best friend now, but he’s not my best friend for life?

Ryan: I... I went back, and I re-enlisted.

Mozzie: 48 hours. I hope you’ll come with us. Neal: You’re giving me an ultimatum.

Pam: You were my best friend before you went to Stamford. I- I miss having fun with you.

Brian: You don’t want to have sex, and that’s fine with me. ‘Cause I’m not having sex right now either! I’m just happy being around you.

Amber: I’m so mad at you. I don’t understand why you would leave me.

Amy: I need some space. Drew: How much space? Amy: A lot.

Amy: Karma and I are more than just best friends, we’re soulmates. The normal rules don’t apply to us.

Mycroft (Sherlock’s brother): This is a private matter. Sherlock: John stays. Mycroft: This is family. Sherlock: That’s why he stays!!

Oliver: What’s this for? Laurel: Because you’re important to me.

Laurel: Ollie, I know that I am not the love of your life. But you will always be the love of mine.

Rory: You know, I have actually thought about this moment. What would Jess say to me if I ever saw him again? I mean he just took off, no word, so he couldn’t possibly have a good excuse for that!

Mozzie: And I find myself reminded that... unshared life... is not living.

Jess: You still going to Yale? Rory: It’s really close to here. Jess: 22.8 miles.

Rory: You ended up not coming to my graduation, and leaving again, so... That’s it I guess.

Bay: I waited for you, to come back to me, to talk through what had happened! And I gave you space, and then you... just... you disconnected without telling me! You moved on!

Keith: Fine, why don’t we cut our losses and call it quits right now! David: What? Keith: As long as you feel a need to keep our relationship a secret, David... you’re ashamed of it, man!

Brian: She met him on... one of those Asexual Message Boards.

House: Boy meets girl, boy says, “I’m asexual.” Girl says, “Yeah, me too.”

Wilson: I think they were happy.

Amber: You’ve been through so much, and I hate that you hurt.

Adam: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to drag you through a whole ‘nother mess, you know?

Matt: You know, with everything that I was going through- Julie: Matt, we were together for almost four years!

Joan: I know.

Julie: I know everything about you!

Amber: I want to have kids with you, and I want to be your wife.

Auggie: This isn’t our song.

Julie: I hate you so much for leaving me. How could you do that to someone you love?

Amber: I loved him, and now he’s gone!

Stiles: Scott, just tell me how to fix this, alright? Please, just tell me. What do you want me to do!

Tami (Julie’s mom): There’s gonna be somebody else special for you. Julie: But it’s not Matt.

[candlewisps]

Will you write anything related to Bloodline? In the Metas, I mean. Because while I think that Kylo's fight with the dark voice in his head (aka Snoke) has apparently been longer than initially expected, I think the fact that he learnt about his connection to DV rather violently if Leia's ominous reaction tells us smtg, with learning that his family had been keeping smtg that important from him... Must have been hard. Any thoughts? (I love your meta)

Sooo many thoughts @luciemiddleford, but I’m almost positive my response isn’tgoing to answer your question in any kind of satisfactory manner whatsoever.

My reaction to Bloodline, while mostly positive, is a bit ofmixed bag, and that’s due entirely to inconsistencies about The Family™ betweenthis book and the information we were given in TFA. Aaaaand how Bloodlinemesses with the timeline we more-or-less had previously established (more onthis later) and how this new set just feels wrongto me. In order for me to get across just how I feel in regards to him findingout about Vader in this manner, its necessary for me to discuss why I don’tfeel confident whatsoever about what little info we did get about the Organa-Solo Family Dynamic. Like, at all. I don’ttrust relying on the glimpses we got in Bloodline, including Ben finding outabout Vader in such a jarring manner.

I haven’t gone through the tags on here so idk if otherpeople have broken down some of the inconsistencies and issues with continuitythat Bloodline through into the mix, or if anyone has noticed them at all. Justto start off: I loved the novel. Fucking loved it. One of the best Star Warsnovels ever, in my opinion. I’m a sucker for politics/undercover/conspiracystories, so this was right up my ally. Basically everything related to Leia,the New Republic, the First Order already working within the Senate, anythingthat set up the political outlook for TFA had me overjoyed and I found itincredibly well-grounded in that regard.

It was just those few throwaway lines (I read the wholething twice and I think there are only like six or seven references) about Ben+ Luke that threw everything off. I was expecting this book to give us piecesof the puzzle to put together about HOW exactly everything went down, or atleast glimpses into how the Organa-Solo family life was pre-academy training.Instead it just made me scratch my head and question the canon-ocity of ClaudiaGray’s work. And there’s honestly good reason to question it??? Gray clearlystated that she had not seen/read the script for TFA prior to writing the book,she was clearly Surprised when she saw TFA and it didn’t outright contradictwhat she wrote in regards to the Fam, and beyond that any information shewould’ve been given about The Family™ in order to make Leia’s relationship tothem seem believable would’ve been pretty cut-and-dry (as in: they have a kid,here’s his name, he and Luke are busy doing ~something~). Rereading it justseems like they told her to name drop Ben and Luke a couple times just to makeit clear that she keeps them in her thoughts. They didn’t give her anymore towork with because obviously they’re saving that stuff for TLJ and didn’t wantto spoil it. When Gray was going through the details with Pablo Hidalgo andRian Johnson on what to center the novel around, the only information shereceived for how to make this a setup for TFA was concentrated solely aroundThe New Republic government, the Vader Scandal, hints of the First Order, andthe forming of the Resistance. Just another reason I don’t feel confident withany of the information that isn’t strictly political in nature. The familyaspect just feels like a fill-in-the-blank game (minus what we got with Han,that was all very believable).

Two of the prime problems I have, inconsistency/generalproblem-wise, are in regard to Ben’s age and in how he found out about Dear OldGranddad.

For starters, it was established pre-Bloodline that Ben leftfor training when he was 10 (still canon). It was also the prevailing andaccepted idea pre-Bloodline that Ben fell to Snoke and did-whatever-deed-he-didat the Jedi Academy when he was 15 (I believe I even saw a source at one pointthat confirmed everything went down at 15 but idk where it would be hiding,someone link me if you find one). Makes sense. HOWEVER. According to Gray’sbook, Ben is still with Luke at the age of 23 and hasn’t gone all Dark Sideyet. Here’s the inconsistency: according to the TFA script, when Kylo takes offhis helmet, “Han is JOLTED, seeing the face of his son for the first time as aman”. So Han hasn’t seen his kid since early adolescence, probably. That iscanon. Unfortunate and heartbreaking, but canon nonetheless. I imagine, butcan’t firmly say, it’s been the same amount of time for when Leia last saw Benas well.

This Bloodline continuity hogwash actually creates a majorproblem for Han and Leia’s characters. If we go pre-Bloodline assumption thathe turned at 15, then it means that, at most, Han/Leia went 5 years withoutseeing their son, in person or holo-vid (that assumption is pushing it btw, theystill could have visited him in early teens). We don’t know how busy they were,don’t know where Luke’s Academy was, don’t know if there were any rulesattempting to limit disturbances in the kids’ training. The only thing we canglean is that the Academy, wherever it was, was fairly isolated and hard toreach. So 5 years (again, pushing it) sucks, but is understandable under the rightconditions. BUT. If we adhere to Gray’s timeline, then it means that they went13 years without seeing their kid. It goes from sucky-but-understandable tofucked up in a big way. It is canonically established that Han hasn’t seen hisboy since he was an adolescent, but 23 is an adult. If Han hadn’t seen his kidin that many years, and was able to with him presumably just chilling with Lukeand not off doing dark deeds, then it makes Han and Leia look bad for notputting in any effort to see Ben (or Luke for that matter #rude). It reflectsbadly on Leia and Han. It was already canonically established that Han and Leiaweren’t there enough to guide him—this makes the setup for his upbringingunfortunate, heartbreaking, sorta-kinda understandable. But going 13 yearswithout seeing your kid when you have the means is not understandable andmakes one a shitty parent. This is why I don’t like it one bit. At the previouslyaccepted 15-year age mark, everything flowed together naturally and made sense.At the “new” 23-year age mark it just makes everyone seem like an asshole. It’sjust pushes things a little too far to be believable imo.

In addition to this, Leia states, “I never should’ve senthim away. That’s when I lost him”. This strongly implies that what happenedwith Ben happened relatively quickly (and that there was probably minimalcontact), as in FIVE years, not THIRTEEN. Thirteen years is a long time to sitback, think, and pinpoint exactly when you lost your son without actively doinganything about it. Which is not in Leia’s character. And Han says, “There wasnothing we could’ve done”, which also implies to me a relatively SHORT periodof time between when they actually had personal contact with him and when Bensplit for the Baddies™. Someone who has had repeated personal contact, evenfavorable/positive with their child (messages or otherwise) over a period ofthirteen years after training began would not be making such absolutiststatements. Again, five years makes a certain amount of sense, thirteen has mewtf-ing. Also??? Both Leia and Han’s statements sound like ones to familiar topeople who have had years upon years to come to term with things (as in, 15years ago, not a measly 6).

Onto my other major problem: how Ben found out about Vader.I have a really, reallllllllyyyyyy hard time imagining that Ben found out abouthim out of the blue. I can see where Gray is coming from, but actually thinkingabout it in terms of how Kylo is portrayed in TFA makes no sense with theBloodline timeline. Just for starters: as a descendant of the Chosen One, Benis ridiculously Force sensitive?? So despite the fact that Leia and Han keptthe Grandpa Bomb from him (I imagine Luke would’ve wanted to tell him the truthbut had to adhere to Ben’s actual parents), I don’t see how he would’ve gonehis entire upbringing not picking up on, at the very least, that they werekeeping something huge from. When Han says that there was too much Vader inhim, it implies there were many signs from him as a kid that made his parentsuncomfortable/nervous. For a Force-sensitive who can sense emotions and readthoughts, he would’ve at least picked up on that kind of ~vibe~ they sometimesgot around him and been curious about it. I even have a hard time believingthat, after a while, he might not have “pried” a little bit by trying to readthe thoughts of his “weaker” parent (Han) without detection. He wouldn’t havemeant anything inherently malicious about it, just a curiosity/desire foranswers for why some things made his parents ~share a look~ if you get mydrift. Kids pick up on things. Not to mention he might’ve picked up a vibe fromLuke himself. While I don’t doubt that Luke would’ve agreed to let Leia/Hanreveal things on their own terms, I still think it would’ve been difficult forhim to maintain the façade of “Vader was the enemy and I hate him to this day,glad I killed the bloke”. Ben would’ve been raised on stories of his family’saccomplishments, especially of Luke’s vanquishing of two Sith Lords, so I thinkhe would notice when they either tried to avoid discussing such things or thatmaybe his uncles retelling just didn’t feel right.

The other problem with the “he found out about Vader out ofthe blue” is the fact that that doesn’t organically coincide with hisdedication to Vaders cause that we see in TFA. For Ben to have gone 23 yearsclueless ala Bloodline, his unnerving conviction to finish what Vader startedfeels out of place. Six years is a little short to go from clueless to the “Iwill do everything in my power to finish what you started” idolization we havegoing on. FIFTEEN years on the other hand…well, you get my point. There’s alsothe issue of Snoke. Snoke was in this kids head from the beginning, so I can’timagine that he wouldn’t have used Vader’s identity as an additional tool toget Ben to mistrust his family as early as was feasible/useful. I already madethis whole post about how Vader’s identity/”ghost” was one of the integraltools Snoke was using to secure Ben’s loyalty, so there’s that as well.

While Bloodline is “technically” canon, it is still dubiouscanon at best, prone to changes and mistakes. There are only three “officialofficial” sources of canon (more or less indisputable), and those are the films,the scripts, and the official novelizations of said films. Any othernovels/comics/etc that doesn’t accompany one of the actual movies is canon only until/unless details within it areproven false or clash with Official Canon. And there’s enough weird informationin Bloodline regarding everyone’s favorite Family™, combined with the fact thatGray never even saw the script for TFA, that has me questioning just howin-universe I can take it.

It’s not that I have a problem reorienting myself intobelieving that he made his dark turn as an adult (I do actually), it is just afar less organic and natural string of events compared to him turning at 15. Samewith how he found out about Vader. Bloodline-timeline requires a suspension ofdisbelief. And it affects the narratives of other people around him as well, ina mostly negative way.

Maybe it’s just me that this really bothers. But theinformation Claudia Gray gave us (again, dubious canon at best) just fills liketrying to fit a square peg in a round hole and it throws me off thinking aboutit. I’m just gonna wait for TLJ to confirm/deny anything regarding the Family.

[withlovekth]

Don’t Say a Word (Part One)

Part One - Part Two - Part Three

Pairing: Yoongi/Yoonji (Suga) x Reader Genre: Fluff, Smut (future chapter) Contains: crossdressing, drug mention  Word Count: 3.2k

Author’s Note: This all literally stemmed from the extras of the BTS Run episode where Yoongi pulled out a gun on Jimin... I actually got a little impatient so I decided to post this without actually writing out the full story. I was planning on making this a oneshot but oops. There’s going to be multiple parts (probably not a lot though tbh). (((Btw I love Yoongi in that all black outfit from that Eat Jin vid like what an amazing concept hello.)))

A couple years have passed ever since you’ve last saw your best friend, not knowing your high school graduation ceremony was going to be the day he would have suddenly disappeared from your life without a trace. You only have yourself to blame. Maybe if you had asked him about his plans for his future or if you stopped being so caught up in focusing on your music auditions for the band you had so desperately wanted to join after high school, maybe he’d still be around. Maybe you’d know where he was planning to go and what he was planning to do. Maybe he would have still been in your life.

But being mysterious was just always a part of Yoongi’s personality. He always kept to himself, but whenever he opened up, it was always to you and you alone. You knew he would never tell you the complete story, he had no obligation to. What he wanted to keep confidential was entirely up to Yoongi, and you were understanding of that. But sometimes, you wish you had try to pry information out of him to understand him on an even deeper level. Ever since high school, you would always find yourself wondering what would have happened if you ever tried to push the boundaries a little more. Would Yoongi push you away or would he have taken it as a sign of affection?

That’s all in the past now. The Yoongi you once knew is now nowhere to be found, but lives through your memories. You can’t go a day without thinking about him. He’s the first to come to your mind in the morning and the last before you fall asleep. He’s the one you think about when you get a solo and want to tell someone about your great news and he’s the one you want to call out to when you’re afraid and alone. You didn’t know it back then, and you sure definitely know it now, but he was your everything.

He was always there for you no matter what. He was there for you when you got your first period in the middle of gym class during your freshmen year. He walked closely behind you to the bathroom so no one saw your blood stained sweatpants. He was there for you when you were completely head-over-heels over some guy in your English class during sophomore year, taking each other's first kisses as practice at a real relationship. He was there for you when you had your heart broken by your first boyfriend at the beginning of junior year. He was your shoulder to cry on. He was always there for you, but you consciously didn’t do the same for him, especially at a time when he needed you the most.

Weeks before graduation, you were busy with practicing the piece you were going to audition with to become a percussionist in the symphonic band you had been dreaming about joining ever since your parents took you to see them live as a child. You were too focused on yourself and ignored everyone and everything around you, including Yoongi. Yoongi was a little stressed, just as any senior would be before graduation, and he would reach out to you, but you intentionally pushed him aside so you could worry about yourself. You were going to apologize to him after everything was over and hope he would understand.

The week of graduation, you and a couple of your peers, who were also auditioning for other bands, would stay late after school to work with your band director to practice everything you needed to know. It was a Wednesday night, the night before your graduation. You and the other senior band kids, decided to break into the music building after hours, when there was no chance that there would be anyone on campus, just to continue practicing. That night, a concerned Yoongi texted you. You explained to him you were still at school, which made him worry about your mental and physical health. He decided to surprise you by sneaking onto campus to bring you food, but he caught you at the worst possible time. You were having a breakdown over not being able to play two specific measures with a thirty-second note mallet run. At this point, you were beyond exhaustion and frustration. You can’t remember what you said to him, it was all a blur, but in the heat of the moment, it was probably something bad enough to make Yoongi yell at you in rage for the first time ever in your four year long friendship. You’ve done a lot of terrible things throughout the years, but Yoongi was always patient with you and would never raise his voice at you. After that scene, Yoongi left in a hurry and you had no idea what to do. Everyone realized that they were all probably pushing themselves too hard, so you all decided to go home.

The next day at graduation, Yoongi went on as if everything was fine, like the night before had never happened. As you were leaving campus, he approached you and gave you one of his cute, gummy smiles before hugging you and kissing you on the forehead to say goodbye. Maybe you should have seen that as a sign something was going to happen considering he was the mysterious, unpredictable Yoongi.

You didn’t see him at school the day after graduation, where all the graduated students were going around saying their goodbyes and signing each other's yearbooks. You tried to call him, but his number had been disconnected and all of his social media had been deleted. Many people came up to you to ask about Yoongi, but you had no idea what to say. One too many people had teased you about being a good best friend for not knowing what happened to him. At the end of the day, you found yourself all alone in a bathroom stall, sick to your stomach, spewing out all your anxiety, regrets, and mixed emotions into a porcelain bowl.

With Yoongi constantly on your mind, you found it hard to concentrate during rehearsals. When you first got accepted into the symphony five years ago, you were overjoyed. Everything you were working hard for had paid off and your dream had become a reality, but that high died down fast when your guilt began to consume you. Was it really worth losing the most important person in your life to live out your fantasy? Every rehearsal felt like a punishment, but you never stopped reminding yourself you were here to play and that every practice will lead up to an amazing performance, because this was your career. This is what you lived for. This was the path you chose.

The rehearsal today was no different from the others. It always ended with your palms sweaty from unconsciously gripping tightly to your mallet sticks, body hot from the stage lights, and uncertainty about whether or not your nose was going to start leaking blood. You tried to convince yourself that the conditions on the stage were just harsh on you, but your guilty conscious was probably another factor that contributed to your poor physical state.

You went through the motions of putting your music and equipment away, always mindlessly pushing and rolling the large instruments back into their rooms. Everyone who has been in this band with you all knew to move out of your way while you pack up. If they were new, they’re either told to be careful or learn the hard way.

You were pushing the large concert bass drum with your head in the clouds when suddenly you rammed into something. You stopped in your tracks and peaked around the drum to find you had hit someone. “Oh no, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” You walked over to the other side to help the oddly quiet girl pick up some papers that you had knocked from her person.

The girl had a short, black bob hair cut with a front fringe that stopped below her eyebrows. She was wearing a medical mask and avoided eye contact with you as she frantically picked up the scattered papers.

“You’re not hurt, are you?” You reach out to help her up.

She shook her head and took your hand. Her grip felt too familiar and you froze with her hand in yours, accidentally staring at her for too long. It was apparent you were trying to analyze her. She continued to focus on the floor, to not make eye contact. You instantly let go once she got up. You handed her some of papers you picked up. Her height threw you off. She was very slender and stood maybe around 5’9”, about a head taller than you.

“Thank you,” she whispered in a low tone and nodded her head at you before turning around and quickly walking off. It seemed like she was trying to get away from you, but you easily brushed it off as her probably being mortified about the little incident.

You finally finished putting everything away. You said goodbye to your fellow percussionists and made your way out of the building. Out in the front, you notice the girl from earlier standing under a street light. She spotted you and began to briskly walk towards you. Seeing this suspicious stranger approach you should have made you feel like running away, but her aura was too familiar and you were curious about what business she had with you.

She stopped in front of you. This time you were able to get a better look at her. She was wearing a high waisted skirt that ended at the middle of her thin thighs with a striped, mockneck sweater loosely tucked into the waistband. She was also wearing black over the knee socks and a pair of the all black Puma Creepers which made her even taller. Her outfit was super cute, which made you believe she was probably super cute under the medical mask as well. She tilted her head to the side while finally looking into your eyes with an intimidating stare, her eyelashes fluttered with every blink. Her eyeliner as sharp as her glare, you swore she could probably cut you with them.

You felt your heart race. You weren’t so sure if it was because you were anxious about the unknown outcome of this encounter or if it was because you were totally swooning at this cute girl staring you down.

She suddenly reached her hand out to you. You closed your eyes, bracing yourself for a possible slap across the face for hitting her first. Instead, she brushed the hair away from your face and kissed your forehead. You stared at her in shock, your face turning red. You were in a daze, unsure of what to do or what to say, until you started to make out her facial features. You felt your eyes well up with tears as you cover your mouth in disbelief.

“Now, is that how you respond to seeing your best friend after five years?” That familiar voice, you longed to hear again, escaped from a pair of dark red lips that formed into a gummy smile.

You grabbed Yoongi by the wrist and pulled him into the tightest hug while trying hard not to let your tears fall. “You idiot.” That was all you could mutter while trying to stop your voice from sounding shaky.

He stroked your hair with one hand while holding you against him with the other. “I really shouldn’t be doing this right now,” he carefully whispered, making sure anyone passing by couldn’t hear. “But after you literally bumped into me earlier, I couldn’t help but want to see you again.”

Too much was going through your head at one time and all you could do was hysterically cry into his chest. “Where did you go? Why did you leave me?” You managed to ask in between sobs.

You couldn’t believe this was happening. Why has Yoongi suddenly come back into your life? What was he even doing throughout all these years?

“I can’t answer that right now,” he stepped back so he could look you in the eyes. He pulled his medical mask up to cover his face. “Do you have a place where we can talk in private?”

You nodded your head and wiped the tears from your face. “My apartment.” He held onto your hand to comfort you as you lead him to your apartment complex, which was about a twenty minute walk from the concert hall. The two of you walked in silence until you got into your apartment. You let Yoongi walk in before you so you could close the door behind you. You locked the door.

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi immediately apologized before you could even turn around to face him.

You froze, your hand still on the lock. “What happened to you after graduation?” You didn’t want to turn around, you were afraid to look at him.

“We moved away that night.”

You spun around with anger building up inside you. “And you couldn’t tell me? You couldn’t give me a new number or anything?” You tried to keep yourself from yelling at him. Now wasn’t the time to be getting angry.

He had this pained smile on his face. His gaze drifted away from you. “I didn’t think you’d care.” His eyes became bloodshot.

“What the fuck, Yoongi, we’re best friends for crying out loud.” You felt your eyes start to sting. You didn’t want to cry again, but you were ready to explode at any second.

“You were so focused on your auditions, you wouldn’t give me the time of day… Congratulations on getting accepted by the way. You earned it.” He tucked his hair behind his ear and apprehensively waited for your response.

You threw your arms around him, holding him close against you. “I’m so sorry I made you feel that way… I never stopped caring…” You paused to sigh. “And I never stopped thinking about you… Even throughout all these years,” you confessed. You stepped back from him to watch him wipe a tear that slid down his cheek.

“I’m glad…” He took off the medical mask, which was wet with tears. He covered his mouth with the back of his hand in embarrassment.

The two of you began to laugh. You laughed over how easy it was to explain your feelings and over how stupid you were for living with regret for five years when it all could have been prevented. You felt as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Your Yoongi is now back to you and you couldn’t be any more happy. The both of you sat down at a small table, where you usually ate your meals alone, to catch up over cups of instant coffee.

“I know what you’re probably thinking,” Yoongi paused to take a sip of his coffee. He made a slightly disgusted face, sticking his tongue out at how bitter it was. He reached over the table for the container of sugar and began dumping small tea spoons of it into his cup. Without looking up at you he continued, “You’re probably wondering: Why does Yoongi look like a girl? Right?”

You took a sip from your cup, trying to hide the fact you were actually dying to know why. You put your cup down and tucked your hair behind your ear. “I wasn’t thinking too much about it,” you said, trying to be sly.

He mocked your attitude and gesture, tucking his hair behind his ear as well. “I guess you don’t need to know then…”

You dropped the act and reached out for his hand across the table in defeat. “Please tell me. I need to know.”

His shifted in his seat. “I’m actually under cover right now,” he confessed without missing a beat, as if he rehearsed it in his head over and over again. “I’ve been undercover for about a year.”

You were at a loss for words. You tilted your head at him while making the most confused face possible.

“When my family moved away, I joined the police academy. I ended up getting transferred out here about a year ago, after they had made me a detective after four years of police experience.”

“You’ve been back for a long time and you’ve never dropped by to say hi or anything?” You were genuinely hurt.

“I didn’t want to get you involved…”

“Isn’t it too late for that? I mean, you just straight up told me what you’re doing.” You side-eyed him while mindlessly stirring your coffee.

“Right.” He slowly sipped his coffee, trying to buy some time so he could think of what to say next. “It’s not like I didn’t want to see you. I’ve watch all of your performances ever since I got back. Your skills have excelled tremendously since we’ve graduated.” He smiled warmly at you.

You were flattered. You tried to keep a straight face, but forcing yourself from holding back a smile probably just made you look even weirder. “So why are you undercover as a girl? And what are you undercover for?” You changed the subject to draw the attention away from yourself. After thinking about what you had just asked, you paused to give him a suspicious look. “You’re not wearing a wire right now, are you?”

“No,” he rapidly shook his head and put his hands out infront of him in defense. “I came by the concert hall on my own time, but I wore my disguise just in case I get recognized.”

“So why a girl?” You can’t stop focusing on that detail not because you thought it was weird or wrong, but because you couldn’t help but swoon over the fact he’s actually really cute as a girl.

“I’m undercover to investigate one of your flutists. She goes to the private university in the city and she’s apparently the biggest drug lord on campus. Supposedly her boyfriend supplies the drugs and is tied to a bigger organization. We’re trying to get to him so we can get to the leader of this even larger network.”

You slowly nodded your head, taking in all this information. “But a girl?”

He gives you another intimidating look, “Because her boyfriend won’t let men around her.”

“And they choose you because?”

“Because there aren’t too many women in the bureau. Besides, they’re all off doing other work.” He covered his face with the back of his hand again, dropping his tough look. He always did that whenever he was shy or embarrassed. “Everyone else thought I was fitting for this position.” He mumbled under his breath then timidly raised his lipstick stained mug back to his lips.

“They’re not wrong,” you gave him a smug look and winked at him, causing him to spit out his coffee, his face red with embarrassment.

“Y/N!” He snapped while grabbing napkins to wipe up the coffee he sprayed all over the table. “Don’t tease me.”

You gave him a cheesy grin and sighed, “God, I missed you.”

“Don’t you dare say a word about any of this,” he pouted while threatening you. “My life and career is on the line.”

“I promise.”

[thankguard]

RECAP: OUR TOP 50 AUSTRALIAN HIP-HOP/R&B TRACKS OF 2016

2016 was the year that this scene was finally accepted by mainstream media outlets, played regularly on Triple J and given the opportunity to throw mad rap events at some of the countries’ best live music venues. The number of local rap: artists, releases, managers, parties, radio shows, even blogs exploded too. MANU CROOKS was put on BEATS1 rotation & posted on The FADER. SAMPA THE GREAT racked up over half a million streams on “BLUE BOSS”. BARO blurred cultural/sonic boundaries. TKAY MAIDZA dropped a huge album + landed that KILLER MIKE collab. MIDAS.GOLD, CULT SHOTTA, BIG SKEEZ, I AM D, NICO GHOST & SAVOUR THE RATIONS all dominated live-stages across the country. The GREMLNS, PLAYBACK 808, 1 HUNNID RECORDS & TREXON WAVE showed us the future. These squads are all barely out of high-school, have a strong African heritage and are blowing up against the odds. Almost all of the above was soundtracked by producers: DOPAMINE, MIRACLE, JAMES DAMIAN ANGUS, MITCH GRUANKE & HARVEY who don’t get enough credit. JUNOR launched his AUD$ radio show on SYN which is legit. The PROPHECY BOYZ launched SAUCE - a new brand that will probs do huge things in 2K17. RARE FLOW TV, provided an essential piece-to-the-puzzle, bringing this all to life in quality music videos. Australian rap music is at an all time high. But tbh, it’s going to take another miracle to push it any further. Now that there’s money to be made here, cashed-up copy-cat rappers/labels/magazines/venues with no imagination will find a way to suck the life out of your music for a quick profit. Historically, this has happened many times over, preventing Australians from truly impacting music culture on a global scale. WTF is the diff between us and: Canada, England or America? Terrible artists will succeed if you let them. Donald Trump was elected president. We’re always a stones-throw away from making the next generation of AUS rap fans (and the rest of the world) cringe at us. Question everyone. Even THANK GUARD. Oh, btw. This blog still doesn’t make money. Here’s 50 songs that inspired us to keep hustling in 2016 in between dem long-ass shifts. 50. “VIEWS UP” - NYUON (MELB)

NYUON - an essential character in the MELB rap scene - stretches out the parameters of his sound a little more with each release. “VIEWS UP” saw him lean back towards centre after the experimentally hazy, lilting vibe of his ’15 BYMYSELF tape. With the help of producer ROOKIEPRO he pooled that self-effacing, conscious rap-swagger into his most polished track do-date. 49. “SORROWS” - BLESSED (SYD)

Taking cues from CUDI, UK alternative-pop and their own minds, BLESSED managed to instantly stand out from the rest of the trap-heavy SYD scene last year. Their output in ‘16 was super consistent, and “SORROWS” (our fav) has already amassed over 127K plays on Soundcloud. Early days, but their potential for global appeal is already proven. 48. “I.D.C.A” - 18K (BRIS)

“I.D.C.A” gives you a real wow moment the second those bars come in. 18K’s on that: modern-day BONE,THUGZ & HARMONY/vaguely MIGOS ATL, super-quick flow. His beats are perfect too. Hard hitting, modern trap sounds AND a hint of like CLAMS CASINO cloud-rap as well. 47. “30 DAYS” - DENNIS (MELB)

Mysterious producer/singer DENNIS dropped this one to no reception whatsoever. The mastering isn’t professional, but the song itself and the man’s vocals are world class. You gotta pump the volume ride it to the peak for full-effect fam. Like some new BON IVER shit without the cringe, pretty sure this came out first too. 46. “PRESSURE (ft. JACE XL)” - BILLY DAVIS (MELB)

BILLY DAVIS & JACE XL (RYTHYM SECTION) are both heavily associated with THE OPERATIVES (who monopolised vibes in MELB the last decade). JACE shows off his life-changing soul crooning over some classic BILLY DAVIS instrumentation. This would be a lot higher if it were more relevant to our needs. 45. “NO MORE” - DEEVILLA (SYD)

With this track alone, SYDNEY-based DEEVILLA proved he can write the type of song this scene needs. His flow, lyrics and overall mood on “NO MORE” summed up 2016 perfectly in terms of music & vibe. FLIP TRILL’s production on this one did all the above and more. 44. “RUN UP (ft. FLYBOII & L.U.I)” - LIL SPACELY (SYD)

Got the vibe that BLACK DANNA head honcho SPACELY had a tough 2016. But, being an essential SYDNEY rap-character that he is, the dude still managed to drop some of the livest AUS rap tracks of 2016. On “RUN UP”, he took the chunky, horn-filled instrumental from FAT JOE and REMY MA’s “ALL THE WAY UP”, puffed out his chest, and along with a couple talented homies delivered a growling, arrogant battle track that signalled his readiness to take his music national. He’s already dropped several tracks in ’17. Stay woke. 43. “FIRE” - SQUIDGENINI (MELB)

SQUIDGENINI a.k.a Bella, is one of Melbourne’s better-kept secrets right now. She’s been honing her craft for some time: playing in bands, producing solo tracks and supporting huge artists. “FIRE”, one of her only releases in 2016, instantly put her on our radar. This highly ambitious track features no-bullshit lyrisicm, eccentric production and some straight up vocal-fire. 42. “NAH BRUH, THIS IS WAGE GANG!” - VEENO (SYD)

When BABY VEENO dropped this insane freestyle in October it was criminally over-looked by many (including us). Choosing YOUNG THUG’S timeless “SEE YOU” beat from that G.O.A.T RICH GANG tape proved to us that the man has taste. The ensuing bars instilled visions of VEENO becoming SYDNEY’s trap-SKEPTA in ’17. 41. “CLAP BACK” - SAVOUR THE RATIONS (SYD)

SAVOUR THE RATIONS were one of the most influential, pro-active and entertaining AUSTRALIAN rap crews of 2016 (especially towards the end). KWAME, DOMBA, JAYJAY ASSASSIN, GYBRYLLAH SHYNE & RAJ MAHAL made their biggest moves via videos/live performances. “CLAP BACK” which was dropped on Jan 2nd, 2016 showed the boys doing their ting for their own entertainment. This year they’ll be doing it for thousands no doubt. 40. “BEST FRIEND (YOUNG THUG REMIX)” - BIG SKEEZ (SYD)

This was probably the local track we played most last year. BIG SKEEZ really stood out in ‘16 for his song-writing hustle & originality (highlighted on his S.A.T.T mixtape). Remixing such a familiar, iconic song allowed SKEEZ to let loose in the booth more than ever before, resulting in 3:14 of explosive, feverish trap-fury filled with icy-cold local references/flips. 39. “ALIVE REMIX (ft. BARO & CAZEAUX O.S.L.O)” - ESESE (MELB)

Couldn’t think of a more suitable 2016 MELBOURNE summer-rap anthem than this BARO remix if I tried. It feature local pillars: CAEZEUX O.S.L.O, SKOMES and the ESESE crew - and oozes those heavenly FITZROY day-party vibes. Hearing HENOQ and O.S.L.O both spit new-gen AUS boom-bap masterpieces in rapid succession would’ve brought a tear to the eye of every true BURN-CITY rap-fan this year. 38. “NO MORALS (ft. $KINNY DOM)” - BLACK NAPOLEON (WA)

On “NO MORALS”, BLACK NAPOLEON brought equal parts: slow, deliberate and estatic D double E style booth raps - the kind you’d hear on some UK Pirate radio set to the table. LUCHII, another PERTH-based genius jumped into the mix sounding more like a 6K Gucci, nailing the perfect guest verse. The CAMERON PARK directed-visuals for this one featured no guns, knives or punches thrown, but it still stands as one of the most violent local vids of ’16. #HOMEBAKED. 37. “FUCK THE JUDGE (ft. REMI)” - BARO (MELB)

When BARO dropped the second taste of his soon-TBR JPYNTK tape about 6 months ago, the world was torn in half by the racial violence sweeping the US. It was literally with you everywhere you went, no matter ur skin colour. “FUCK THE JUDGE”, which was released at the very hight of this chaos featured inspired verses from REMI + BARO and was accompanied by the statement: “They're killing my people. They're killing PEOPLE.” The song itself also made another (less important statement) about BARO’s unflinching confidence as a dude/rapper. It was his first absolute crystal clear “fuck u” to industry/fan expectations - a sign that he might be giving the typical AUS rap-sound a much needed kick up-the-butt in 2017. 36. “POTENTIAL (I SEE)” - LORD LEVI (MELB)

When it comes to MELB underground anthems in 2016, LORD LEVI’s “POTENTIAL (I SEE)” is practically unrivalled. The hook, flow and production on this one truly encapsulates the rise of the BURN-CITY outer-suburb high-school trap scene in 2016. LEVI and the GREMLN squad built a dedicated following last year on the back of songs like this. Trek thru any BURN-CITY suburb and “I SEE POTENTIAL” follows u through the streets. 35. “FLEX MODE” - ERIK SANDERS (BRIS)

Brisbane’s ERIK SANDERS blew up out of nowhere last year on the back of several highly-polished, US-influence nu-trap singles. “FLEX MODE” bursts out of the gate with a series of auto-tune inflected bars that twist-and-turn, merging multitudes of impressive melodies in quick succession. This one gets real wild at the end too. 34. “RIDE (ft. REZT)” - LUCHII (WA)

LUCHII has always struck us as an interesting character, but we still slept on the man in ’16. When he dropped “RIDE” like a month ago, we swore to stay woke on the PERTH creative forevermore. This one rides an island trap wave that reminded us of CHILDISH GAMBINO’s “CALIFORNIA” and MAC MILLERS new stuff, but it also hits on something completely new. The vocals reference ATL rhythms/tones AND something else, which MUST have been born in a cloud of green smoke on one of those pristine PERTH beaches. 33. “PULL UP (ft. CIDI, LORD BRAVO, DUT BOL & RANDOLPH)” - BONKI CHOL (ADEL)

In 2016, the TREXON WAVE squad was our guilty pleasure. We legit found ourselves rinsing their proficiently rugged trap cuts more than CHANCE or FRANK. “PULL UP” is the song that started the whole affair. I remember being high af on a Tuesday at like 2PM about 8 months ago just blasting this enchanting MIGOS-style cut on my speakers for an hour straight. Jut listen to BONKI CHOI and homies: CIDI, LORD BRAVO, DUT BOL, RANDOLPH bring the sauce one time. They all flaunt separate styles, personalities and lyrical tendencies on this one, but their skills/delivery are at 100 throughout. 32. “HOW U FEEL” - NICO GHOST (MELB)

Close your eyes and “HOW U FEEL” will take you to a dark, nondescript club setting. Smoke settles in over those eerie trap bells - the calm before the storm. That amazing harpsichord removes any sense of time/location. Your mind is finally empty. Nico spits that FB generation mantra: “I couldn’t really give a fuck how you feel”, lulling you into a false sense of security before ruining your life with intensity. NICO’s 2016 was pretty-much dominated by his wild live-show. But in between sets he found the time to gift us with this the premiere for this one. Was a huge step forward for us. The man’s legit. 31. “MONSTER TRUCK” - ALLDAY (MELB)

ALLDAY is huge - has been for years now. In 2016, he went through a bit of a sonic evolution and we fucked with it heavy. “MONSTER TRUCK” is a song that pushed Australian rap to places in the world it rarely reaches. This one features earnest lyrics, euphoric melodies and a skin-tight flow - years of work/experience all coming together. ALLDAY made some serious global waves last year as unique voice in the world of post-OVO rap music. 30. “LIONA” - NASTY MARS (MELB)

On “LIONA”, future-star NASTY MARS took warm, wavy, lo-fi production ripped straight from a SOULECTION cassette and crafted his own rap/soul-experiment around the peaks and flows of the beat. Although, hardly representative of this guy’s unreleased material, live show and overall position in the AUSTRALIAN rap/soul scene - “LIONA” still managed to take on a life of it’s own… just suss the comments. 29. “BLOOD THICKER THAN WATER” - LUTHER (BRIS)

One of BRISBANE’s most charismatic up-and-comers, LUTHER teamed up with AUS production royalty JAMES DAMIAN ANGUS early last year for a YOUNG THUG/LIL WAYNE style cut that blew us away. The production bangs. LUTHER’s wild, warbling trap-jitterings are fierce, crunchy and at times hilarious. Everything you want in a track like this. The dude is associated with the WORLDWIDE BOYS who will blow up this year. 28. “THIRSTY” - ANFA ROSE (SYD)

“THIRSTY” came last year amidst a never-ending avalanche of consistently jaw-dropping ANFA ROSE & DOPAMINE joint-efforts. Everything on this one from the samples, to ROSE’s perfectly structured verses - to those 808 snares cutting thru your entire being - to the lyrics enforced our theory that these dudes aren’t human. They are computer programs or clones or holograms or something. 27. “MARIA MARIA” - GEEK, CHARLES X & SELASIE WUSSAH (SYD)

This one - easily top 3 most iconic “THANK GUARD” anthems in our entire history. Seeing it live at one of our BONEY parties inspired some of the most emotional dabs ever dabbed. When it dropped back in Jan, it brought out some of our best writing ever too… so I’m just gonna quote myself here.

“On the most polished THANK GUARD Premiere to-date, a dynamic trio of epileptic acid-rappers exchange contrasting melodic flows - in a bid to win a Spanish bae’s heart.” If you don’t know GEEK, CHARLES X (of CULT SHOTTA) or SELASIE WUSSAH by now we don’t trust u. 26. “1 3 1 6” - E L K (ADL)

Adelaide teen E L K bursted onto the scene with last year with “TUTEN KARMEN”, which would have easily made the top 10 if he didn’t remove it from SC. “1 3 1 6”, a different (but equally impressive) joint also blew us away. This one brings guys like MF DOOM & JAY ELECTRONICA to mind instantly, but channeled thru the purity of a fresh, young mind with the voice of a rap-god. In 2016 alone, E L K and his PLAYBACK 808 crew went from bedroom rappers, to the creators of a legit AUS rap movement that looks poised to climb mountains in 2017. 25. “FEELING GOOD FEELING GREAT” - TOYOTOMI HIDEYOSHI (WA)

2 months ago, FourAM head-honcho TOYOTOMI HIDEYOSHI teamed up with producer SNOWEE for a sun-drenched 6K anthem. Some rare RAE SCHREMMURD vibes (if they were slightly more sober). Truly peaks at the end. TOYOTOMI is another young dude whose influence on the culture went beyond rapping last year. From short films, events to supporting those around him - this kid did it all in 2016. 24. “DOPER THAN DOPE (MACHINEDRUM REMIX)” - SK SIMEON (MELB)

One of AUSTRALIA’s best rhythmic-vocalists had a huge 2016. SK SIMEON has been a worldwide reggae force for a minute now. Born in Uganda, recorded his first song at a studio in Dandenong… But last year “DOPE THAN DOPE” - one of his best tracks to-date was remixed by MACHINEDRUM. This version (which sounds good anywhere) took SK’s insane rapid-fire singing and infectious tongue-in-cheek delivery to dance-floors around the world. 23. “NULIFE” - MAIA (BRIS)

BRISBANE neo-neo-soul singer/producer MAÏA returned to form in 2016 with her nostalgic, intimate “LOFI” Mixtape. “NULIFE” - a definite standout will swallow you up whole in a blanket of warm, jazzy melodies and pulsating rimshots. Coming very early in the year, this track really pre-empted a lot of trends that are dominating American music culture as we speak. We predict huge things for MAIA in 2017. 22. “$AUCE” - GREMLNS (MELB)

2016 was the year of the GREMLN in the suburbs of MELB. No other underground AUS rap squad made more of an impact than these guys in the last 12 months. This “SAUCE” video came about after months of anticipation and was defs worth the wait. It showed the GREMSQUAD more polished-than-ever, a bunch of real young talents standing at the crossroads between street-fame and industry acceptance. The video itself is like a cross between an old-school Tarantino movie and a London GRIME vid, but set in some unmistakably murky Burn-city graffiti spots. 21. “BERETTA” - MATT BLACK (SYD)

SYDNEY-based vocalist MATT BLACK exploded out of the blocks last year with a series of MIRACLE/DOPAMINE produced R&B/SOUL singles - the type big labels dream about every night. “BERETTA” is the whole package. A high-concept, slow-burning, futuristic love-song which cleverly compares a lover to a pistol. Two things that (depending on the circumstances) can save you or destroy you, make u feel like a man or a mouse. 20. “EVERYDAY” - DREAM$TEAM (ADEL)

So much love for duo’s with vastly different voices. When you listen to a DREAM$TEAM you got no time for boredom. You’ve got CHARLTON on the first verse who always goes in with this SHAKE070-style flow and A-grade emotionally-charged lyricism, then the other G comes in riding world-class auto-tune vibes that sit somewhere between YACHTY & TRAVI$ SCOTT. The production, which features ZAYTOVEN-style piano, is the opposite of corny… bounces hard & leaves plenty of room for vocals. These guys are insanely talented for their age-bracket. Anythings possible for them in 2017 19. “TENNIES” - TKAY MAIDZA (ADEL)

TKAY MAIDZA, easily one of the most successful artists on this list had a huge 2016. She was spun on SKRILLEX’s OWSLA radio show, played a tonne of festivals in AUS & FRANCE, but most importantly dropped a huge studio album, TKAY, which featured guest verse from KILLER MIKE (Run The Jewels). “TENNIES” was our favourite track from the album, because it combined her signature worldly sugar-rap with some hella uplifting footwork vibes. How often is boundary-pushing music this much fun? 18. “LAPUTA (TAYLOR MCFERRIN REMIX ft. ANDERSON PAAK)” - HIATUS KAIYOTE (MELB)

The one and only MELB-based GRAMMY-nominated future-soul quartet that we probs should have posted by now had to have a presence on this list, at least to show you all what’s possible. Their second album “CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON” is a must listen, but was released waybach in 2015. Last year, TAYLOR MCFERRIN recruited ANDERSON PAAK to rework standout single “LAPUTA” for a remix EP. The results speak for themselves. 17. “PEACEWALKER” - GALLU$, RAIDER KING (BRIS)

GALLU$ was real cult-force down in BRISBANE last year. His influence on the scene transcended his recordings - a huge statement considering the quality of songs like “PEACEWALKER”. This one features some heavy statements screamed with a natural Aussie accent over “GLASSSS” by PYRMDPLAZA. 

“THIS INDUSTRY’S FAKE & THE PEOPLE TALK BULLSHIT // THAT SOUNDS PRETTY OBVIOUS // SO WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING? // QUESTIONING MY OWN MUSIC LIKE // EVERY LINE THAT I WRITE // CAN’T HELP BUT FEEL STUPID.” - nuff said. 16. “ALL OF MI LIFE (MACHINEDRUM REMIX)” - YAW FASO (MELB)

2016 was a year where artists like POPCAAN & J HUS were getting love on THE FADER + DRAKE/BIEBER/SKRILLEX were jacking sounds from the Caribbean and breaking billboard records. When our own YAW FASO shared this MACHINEDRUM remix of his sun-drenched single “ALL OF MI LIFE” the timing was perfect, but as the hook declares, he wasn’t riding any trends. Reggae is one of the few genres that makes you smile, dance and forget about all your issues. This song, bursting with: FASO’s highly motivational reggae mantras, sugary buildups and super-refreshing production does all the above. 15. “IDK” - GILL BATES (BRIS)

With his LESS STRESS, MORE SUCCESS EP, GILL BATES showed a whole new side of himself to the world in 2016. Standout cut “IDK” took the catchier side of AUS rap into unknown territory: substance & self-awareness. Above all tho, it’s just a great song. That larger-than-life JAMES DAMIAN ANGUS production grabs you from 0:01… GILL’s opening line “BEEN DROWNING MY SORROWS // BOTTLE AFTER BOTTLE” takes you into his psyche… Then GILL & JAMES drag you deeper and deeper into darkness before flipping things with a bittersweet xylophone-driven hook. A world-class highlight from one of the best local releases in 2016. 14. “NEVER BEEN” - TYRØNE (SYD)

In the last 12 months, few local artists worked harder than TYRØNE. The SYDNEY rapper/producer legit dropped a full EP Trilogy, brimming with GOAT Australian rap lyricism. Song, after song the guy managed to craft a unique aesthetic for himself and his music – darkness that isn’t fake. “NEVER BEEN”, a real standout encapsulates this dedication to his craft more than any other. That skin-tight baritone flow just doesn’t stop on this one. “I SAY LIFE IS EVERYTHING YOU MAKE IT // ONE THING DAMN RIGHT I AIN’T NEVER BEEN FAKE BITCH” 13. “HIT EM” - I AM D (BRIS)

BRISBANE one-man-movement I AM D flew way under our radar until we heard this one. “HIT EM” showcased D’s near iconic nu-AUSSIE rap tone, through a stream of SKEPTA-like vocal punches that explained every move he would make in the local scene. Little did we know at the time, but he actually went on to achieve everything he rapped on this track. In a matter of months after its release: he got signed to a major label, dropped a hugely successful EP, landed a national tour and stamped his influence on the local culture. 12. “NO FATIGUE (ft. GEEK & SELASIE WUSSAH)” - CULT SHØTTA (SYD)

The video for “NO FATIGUE” really set the tone for CULT SHØTTA season in 2016. They were always a truly unique presence in the Australian rap game, but on this track, they toned things down, unleashing line-after-line of vibrant acid-raps over a relatively sparse bass-driven trap beat. As per usual, CHARLES X, GEEK & SELASIE WUSSAH each brought their A-game, showing off vastly different styles/personas, each challenging different “AUSTRALIAN RAP” taboos in the process. It also marked the beginning of director RUFFY’s much-needed string of ambitious video-work that helped elevate many-a local rapper last year. 11. “FOR GOOD (ft. SAMPA THE GREAT)” - REMI (MELB)

Couldn’t think of a better ’16 feel-good Aus-rap summer anthem than REMI and SAMPA’s “FOR GOOD” if I tried. When your air-con breaks on a 35 degree day, this song could actually save ur life. The production, hook and overall vibe really feels like a classic Triple J anthem, the type that soundtracked our lives. But, obviously everything has been re-worked for the next-generation, creating a crisper, more sonically diverse hit than we’re used to. 10. “EXISTENTIALITY” - OJIKAE (MELB)

“EXISTENTIALITY” is a lovesick vision that’s refreshingly different from the over-saturated BILLBOARD TOP 100-style R&B that the likes of TORY LANEZ and BRYSON TILLER put out. It was also the very first track released by 17 y.o VCE student Matt Cicero, which blew us away immediately last JULY. The guy wrote something original, produced the track himself and whipped out a spine-tingling vocal performance that singlehandedly dragged his ass all the way to the top 10 of this list. 9. “ASSUMPTIONS” - MANU CROOKS (SYD)

“ASSUMPTIONS” was premiered on ZANE LOWE’s BEATS1RADIO show… got our mag a global shoutout AND tore stages apart across the country in 2016. We heard more sides of Sydney game-changer MANU CROOKS than ever before on this one. With help from production masterminds DOPAMINE & MIRACLE, CROOKS departed from them brooding Toronto vibes to show Australia & the world that he can can TURN UP like the best of them. 8. “CALL ME” - DEVARN (MELB)

This song is what THANK GUARD is all about. Sonically, it’s right up our alley… but more importantly it came from a creative young dude who: thinks for himself and punches well-above his weight considering the resources/money some people on this list have at their disposal. It also tells a story we have witnessed for years now…

“ALL OF MY N*GGAS THEY WORK IN THE SUN // WAITING FOR LABELS TO HIT UP THEY PHONE // I WANT SOME MONEY TO GET ME A PHONE” Few rappers can get you on their side like Melbourne’s DEVARN. His vocals are earnest, intimate - when he raps, it feels like he’s letting you into his world. He doesn’t slur his words, or smother them in auto-tune either - you can hear every word the man is saying. Also, huge props for referencing some of our fav underground anthems >> SAUCE (GREMLNS) >> MOOSHAMAD // I HAD A DREAM WE GON’ MAKE IT. Damn. 7. “000000” - MIDAS.GOLD (BRIS)

Last year, Brisbane’s MIDAS.GOLD elevated himself to the Mount Rushmore of this new-wave. Of all the wild trap releases & intimate soul-searching cuts on his huge FOR WHAT IT’S WORTH EP, “000000” had the biggest impact on the scene. It dropped all the way back in JANUARY when local rappers were all bumping FUTURE & YOUNG THUG 24/7, but still didn’t truly believe that an Aussie could incorporate these sounds into their music so convincingly. MIDAS truly made this quality JAMES DAMIAN ANGUS/MO LIASON beat his bitch from 0:01, before abruptly taking the track down a notch in its last third, flipping the beat and creating a Schoolboy Q-esque bleary-eyed, kushed-out vibe that eased the track out from its original energy. 6. “WHIP IT” - BIG SKEEZ

We’ve been huge supporters of BIG SKEEZ for a long time. Every track he dropped in 2016 wreaked of originality in both vision and character. SKEEZ, a dude climbing his way up a ladder of: elegant email signatures, cut-throat managers and concrete industry rules, often collaborated with us thru a simple fb message - or just bumping into him in the city. This made us question the likelihood of his success to some extent, but when this video for “WHIP IT” dropped, it turned all our dreams into a reality. The WAVY BADMON, along with his SYDNEY crew absolutely owned the big screen, turning up like a pro to one of the standout tracks from his under-rated debut mixtape. Seeing this whole evolution transpire before our very eyes gave this CERNE STUDIOS production a real sentimental value for the whole THANK GUARD team. 5. “ABSURD” - ANFA ROSE (SYD)

ANFA ROSE and DOPAMINE’S magnum opus will make you cry like a Canadian watching Drake sing the national anthem. The silky smooth, “Absurd” is a beautifully executed blend of 808s, pianos and harmonies. When it comes to polish, no local track released in 2016 comes close to this one. DOPAMINE stripped back that instrumental, focusing on an ethereal and ominous beat with a chordal pattern that slides effortlessly from note to note. ROSE’s delicate melodies fuse perfectly with the instrumental and his lyrics, which are reminiscent of DRAKE’s odes to RIHANNA, or THE WEEKND’s odes to drugs. 4. “RUN IT (ft. LEVI, PHANTOM & KMALITH)” - MIKE WANG (MELB)

When low-key GREMLN MICHAEL WANG dropped this fire squad track all borders between Australia & America went up in flames. The MELBOURNE underground literally outshone the AUSTRALIAN i-Tunes charts. Nothing would make sense ever again. In terms of flow, lyricism and local impact… this was without a doubt one of the best Australian rap tracks released in 2016. WANG, LEVI, PHANTOM & KMALITH came out, guns blazing with their own jaw-dropping take on that MIGOS-style flow (and this was all before “BAD & BOUJEE” blew up). That little OVO-style hook/breakdown “I GOT BANDS…” really added a whole other dimension to the song too. Don’t even get me started on the message behind these lyrics and their relevancy to our scene, the city of MELBOURNE and the racial/cultural tensions often overlooked by most Australians. 3. “BLOWIN’ UP (ft. MIRACLE)” - MANU CROOKS (SYD)

“BLOWIN UP” was MANU CROOKS flipping the switch and making a statement: his rise to success is about much more than bangerz. Being able to rap and record full-time is any local rapper’s dream and seeing the SYDNEY rapper get premiered on The FADER must have motivated thousands of Australian teenagers to keep hustling in 2016. Honestly, didn’t think someone from this new AUS rap-scene would make the pages of a mag like The FADER for at least another year. That stamp of approval means a lot. Manu’s tuned-up, magnetically charismatic vocals definitely stole the show on this one…Dude just seems to know exactly what to rap and when. But, none of this would have been possible without his equally talented bros: DOPAMINE & MIRACLE who both shined, bright as ever on this one. 
DOPAMINE always knows just the right amount of syrupy autotune to sprinkle over his mates vocals & this beat speaks for itself. MIRACLE’S production and vocals contributions always help bring a track to the next-level. All 3 of these guys will no-doubt make even more Australian-rap history in 2017. 2. “WDUBI (ft. NASTY MARS & MARCUS)” - BARO (MELB)

When the mind of a black sheep is re-configured to entertain the mindless masses, an artist has reached their final frontier. BARO (NASTY MARS & MARCUS) did this last year with “WDUBI” - the first taste from his eagerly-awaited JPYNTK tape. On first encounter, it plays as the perfect Australian new-gen rap jam. But on further inspection, everything about it: the production, vocal stylings and somber sonic undertones expose it for the beautiful alien it really is. All three verses loosely acknowledge US 2K16 rap (CHANCE, GAMBINO etc), but overall this track really does’t follow the rules set by the American market at all - which is why we love it so much. That NIC MARTIN production plays a huge roll in this also. Something about those double-timed snares/claps and the tempo made this one feel so damn refreshing. We really played the fuck out of this one last year. THANK GUARD. Oh btw “AND IF WE HAVE A SON I THINK WE’LL NAME HIM STEVEN” - line O.T.Y 1. “BLUE BOSS” - SAMPA THE GREAT (SYD)

LMAO. In 2016, a lot of local bro’s hyped their shit like crazy. Walking around like the TUPAC reincarnate, talking smack online & sharing videos on FB 10 times a day… and SAMPA THE GREAT quietly drops a song that makes them all look foolish, raising her to instant-legend status. SAMPA is emotionally mature, intellectually elegant, socially conscious. Her words can fight wars or comfort a child. She is the type of person you’d want running for president, let alone running the local rap scene. “BLUE BOSS” is like a world-class 2K16 surprise rap-hit, but also feels timeless. Unlike kindred spirits NONAME & KAMAIYAH, SAMPA keeps her production and overall-vibe as earthy as possible, creating her own unique place in the rap-world. Considering the desperate need for more female rappers in this country, the quality of SAMPA’s vocals and her all-too-rare modest demeanour, we had to give “BLUE BOSS” the #1 spot. Posted by PAULINE HANSON

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Friday Thoughts

Well, it’s been a hot minute since the last Friday Thoughts post. Sorry for waiting so long to get another one up! They really are some of my favorite posts to do…mostly because I love (love, love!) reading your comments. And I always feel like the reader who makes it to the very end of these posts deserves some massive award. Like, a lifetime supply of mail-order chocolate chip cookies or a magic wand to make all dirty dishes disappear.

2019 has hit our family full force. Not in a bad way, just in an extremely busy way with a few ups and downs and some time-filling projects, traveling, and responsibilities. I’m excited for this Friday Thoughts post to brain dump some of the things that have been on my mind! Let’s gooooo!

1. Game Thoughts: You already know me and my family are game lovers through and through. My holiday game gift guide that I post every year in November is one of my most popular posts (clearly I’m not the only one that loves card and board games!). Already this year, we’ve hit on a few games that have already become fast family favorites. I’m sure you’ll see them on my gift guide later this year, too, but I would be a very bad friend if I made you go eight more months without knowing about them!

First up is this Skull game aff. link. The premise behind the game is age old, and it is so super simple to learn and play. Basically, if you uncover anyone’s skull card, you lose. Plus, it’s a fast game so you don’t have to center your whole evening around one round. Love this one! Speaking of skulls, we haven’t had a ton of time for more than a couple new games, because literally all my kids want to do on Sunday nights is play Skull Kings aff. link, a game I mentioned in my gift guide last year. It easily ranks as one of our fave games in the history of ever. 

The other game we stumbled on and have played for hours over the last week or so is Superfight. It has an Apples to Apples/Snake Oil vibe but we all agree it is 1,000 times more fun. I bought the base game and then a few expansion packs (the green and yellow) aff. links. I’ve actually never heard my kids laugh as loud as they have while playing this game. It’s hilarious – you basically create character card combos that go head to head with another opponents’ character cards and you debate about who would win in a fight or challenge and then everyone votes on who would win. I find myself giggling about some of the combos during the day when I’m all by myself. (I need to get out more.) The cards in the black deck are very family friendly (I only had to pull one card out of the base deck that I wasn’t crazy about – but I haven’t been all the way through the zillion cards yet), and the green deck is particularly geared to kids. 

Also, I figured since so many of you have asked how we organize our games, I’d show you my super secret method. Here you go. Take lots of notes. It’s a pretty intricate system. 😉#sendhelp

2. Intermittent Fasting Thoughts: Anyone out there do intermittent fasting? I’ve read a lot about it and know the whys and wherefores, and some of the benefits are appealing to me. But when I tried it, I only lasted about four days (that’s kind of my track record with diet-y type things, haha, I lasted 4 1/2 days with the Whole30 years ago and consider that 4 1/2 days I’ll never get back). I was SO tired when I started intermittent fasting. Like bone-weary tired and about the worst grumpety grump mom in the universe and I just couldn’t hack it. Anyway, I’m interested to know if any of you are intermittent fasters out there! Talk to me. 🙂 

3. Screen Time Thoughts: Not only is it a challenging journey defining boundaries around screen time for kids, but, HELLO, adults (me!) struggle, too. I’m always looking for different resources to help me personally and my family as a whole navigate the murky waters of screen time/technology, and I LOVE the tips and guides over at Better Screen Time (on Instagram here). I’m using their quick guide to setting up a Family Technology Plan (not a cell phone contract!) for our family, and the self-evaluation guide for teens and phones that they have is really, really awesome.

My goal lately has been to take the “fear” aspect out of technology and screens with my kids – as in, me not parenting with fear surrounding those decisions, and instead create opportunities for us to talk about it openly as a family and create goals/plans together. Currently, my 14-, 13-, and 11-year olds all have school-issued laptops (with a pretty poor internet filter and also the realization that kids these days are much smarter than me and can get around anything), my 13-year old has an iPod touch he bought with his own money late last year with restricted access to the internet and apps, and my 14-year old has a very ancient slide phone. So…yeah, we are definitely not on the “current” end of the technology/screen time spectrum, haha, but what we do is working for us right now (including our nightly docking system and other rules), and if I’ve learned anything in this age of parenting, it is: what I do with my kids and my family is probably going to look different from other families, and any time spent comparing or stressing about that is time wasted. 

Don’t worry, I still compare and stress about it (#truth), but I’m getting a lot better. Having said that, I’ve also learned a tremendous amount from other intentional parents out there (and from resources like Better Screen Time). What resources have you found to be helpful? Any tips to share on screen time/technology with kiddos? 

4. IGTV Thoughts: Have you guys seen the videos I’ve posted to IGTV? Kind of a “Bake with Mel” series with a little bit of randomness thrown in there. Don’t have Instagram? No worries, I post them all here, too. Anyway, I have some FUN, fun videos coming soon. Later today or tomorrow I’m posting a Bake with Mel: Cream Puff vid in which I’m interrupted by a bunch of high school kids who came home unexpectedly after the high school had an emergency evacuation (everyone was ok). Spoiler alert: they were thrilled to eat cream puffs instead of sitting through history class. And, as you are reading this, I’m pretty sure, Sara from OBB is sitting with me in my kitchen filming another IGTV video that’ll be coming at you soon. This one is…well..special. Haha. We’re exploring all the trendy flavor combinations out there that people claim are lifechanging, and we are making each other try a few (I hope we don’t vomit). If you have a recipe that is tricky, scary, or a little sketchy that you want me to make on a future video to see if it’s worth it, let me know! I’m open to ideas. 

5. Teenage Driver Thoughts: We’ve officially entered this world with a permitted teenage driver. It seems a little surreal (so did that rear end accident the 2nd day of driving, yikes). But I keep reminding myself he’s gotta learn how to drive through roundabouts somehow, somewhere so it might as well be with his high strung mom. In all seriousness, I’ve surprised myself (and I think everyone that knows me) with how patient I’ve been (even if I am frantically slamming on a brake that doesn’t exist on my side of the car), and he’s doing a great job, and I’m really excited when he can finally drive himself places, and I’m sorry he has to learn to drive in a behemoth suburban, and I only have four more kids to go through this process, and someone please hold me. The end.

6. Recap Thoughts: I loved our discussion in January about positive parenting. Man, you guys inspire me so much. I can’t say that I’ve been 100% perfect in not letting anything but positivity cross my lips since then…but I have been so, so much better than in months and years past, and I think it’s making a huge difference in our home and family. I’m still determined to keep it up (even after those days I fail miserably). My friend, Nicole, shared this article in the comment thread of that Friday Thoughts post, and I gleaned so, so many great tips from it (the author has a book on the same lines here– aff. link). Her 10 tips at the end of the article are golden. Also, I just saw that Ralphie over at @simplyonpurpose (who so many of you love for parenting tips) is doing a free email course on “staying safe” or basically my alternate title: “how to stop yelling as a parent because it doesn’t work and never will.” It sounds pretty amazing.

Also, you totally blew me away with your response to the new cinnamon roll recipe I posted. I love your enthusiasm for cinnamon rolls so much, it almost makes me weepy. 

Last recap, I’m loving my new pantry about a thousand percent more than I thought I would. Honestly, it’s my favorite place. In the whole world. Not kidding. (Also, clearly not a world traveler.) My sister, Em, and friend, Deb, enlisted the help of our talented friend, Bobbi, and made me the most perfect sign for the pantry. Truer words hath never been written.

Love all of your guts! Thanks for being here. And please leave me all YOUR thoughts below. It’s my favorite part. 

Disclaimer: I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for me to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Source: https://www.melskitchencafe.com/friday-thoughts-8/

[lorettadelong-blog]

young black hairy pussy - Boost Your Hairy Pussy Video With These Tips

It was, for the most part, a year of isolation and angst. I moved to NYC for work. I was hoping to love it. Last year was one of my most challenging years ever, both personally and career-wise. I don’t even know where to start. Somehow, though, it brought me here. I should probably start by thanking you.

The one bright spot was you. I "discovered" reddit last year. It wasn’t a happy year. You may have seen me post here before. In fact, it made my life hell. I started posting when I started exploring group sex. I came across an article about it that piqued my interest; Im certain I’ve come across that same article before, but for some reason this time was different. Sometimes, when I wondered if this was so so wrong of me to even think about doing (let hairy pussy vids alone dive into sex clubs and have fun with 8 strangers in a given night), you reminded me that it’s not a bad thing to explore.

celebrity hairy pussy I thought it only fitting to go back to my favorite sex club (Le Trapeze) my last night in the area. I asked you for suggestions so you could "join" me in some way. It was liberating and I’m a better person for it. I put onthis slinky black dress. In doing so, I discovered a community, and a forum in which I could be open and explore.

As you’ve read, I took that learning and applied it I had so much fun exploring my sexuality in NYC, and your support encouraged me. I read your stories of group sex, learned of the culture and norms, and even etiquette. I was building courage to approach the shy couple in the corner (there always is a couple like this), as/u/undercoverR had suggested.

The high halter neckline was reminiscent of someone’s hand around my neck. At the last minute, right as I was putting on my shoes to head out the door, everything changed. Last night, I went to a bon voyage dinner with hairy pregnant pussy friends. I thought about a suggestion from/u/StrictSir11 to fill all 3 holes. I had a couple glasses of wine, and when I returned to my hotel, I wasn’t ready to turn in.

It was going to be a good night! For reasons out of my control, I couldn’t go. I expected him to blonde hairy pussy blow me off as he seemed focused on whatever football game was on TV. To my surprise, he turned to me with a huge smile on his face. I saddled up at the bar, and saw a very handsome man was seated at my right.

We chatted and chatted, and drank some more. I open my eyes and I’m in a pitch black room. I sit up and feel my hand on someone else’s arm. He wasn’t even glancing in my direction. The idea was tantalizing and I was very much up to the challenge to recruit for it, understanding not all guys (or the women they came with) would be into it.

It sent me on a google deep dive on the topic of swinging, which eventually brought me here. He was even more handsome when smiling, as all men are IMO. Don’t move- pretend to be asleep while you figure out your next move. Had I done something embarrassing? I definitely blacked out.

I remained super still in the way that you do when you’re deciding whether you want to bolt, or hope your companion is up for some fun. Eventually I said something to strike up conversation. It took me a couple minutes, but it was starting to come back to me. The sheets were tucked in and prevented me from doing so.

Wow, hot guy and I came back to his room. I slid my hand across his warm , soft skin. He inhaled through his nose and stretched a little as I closed my grasp around his cock. He moved the sheets to give me access to his warm body. I turned to my size and slid my arm towards him under the covers, expecting to run my hand gently over his skin…and downwards.

Size has never been important to me; it’s all about how a guy uses it. I assumed we had because we were both naked, so I said "ready for another round? I decided to take my chances. Despite being naked in his bed, I was still fearing rejection. " I giggled and, with disbelief that he didn’t understand my intentions, asked "Of what?

I bit my lower lip and lowerd my hand to see if he was hard. I usually get very good feedback when I give BJs. His skin was soft and smooth, but he was definitely ready to go. " gripped him a little hairy pregnant pussy tighter then went under the covers to show him what I meant. I was positioned perpendicular to he; perhaps that was affecting my game. What was I doing wrong/differently.

I scooched closer to get a better top-down angle, less sideways. In fact, almost every time I’m hear moans like this is the first real BJ they’ve gotten in a while/ever. I was trying to access memories of us having sex, but was coming up blank. I successfully swallowed him, but got little feedback.

I came up for air and laid on my back, hoping he’d come over me. He turned over and propped himself on top of me. That was a little deflating. I spread my knees as he kissed me. It has become a source of pride for me  However, this time I only got the usual moans. He had no idea how much I wanted this.

I let out a huge sigh. Due to the wine intake the night before, I wasn’t suuuuper wet. After not being able to go to Le Trapeze on Saturday, I really wanted this. There’s that handsome face! I’d have much preferred their company at that time As my handsome hotel buddy was in me, I stayed in the moment.

Also, it had been months. "Here," he said as he placed my gold earring on my chest between my boobs. Yep, the last time I had sex was New Years Eve with a very inexperienced partner, so I had to take the lead (I prefer the guy does, so this wasn’t ideal for me). While my NYE partner and I fucked, I was thinking of a couple I had met on reddit. "don’t forget your earring. I grasped the headboard, or tried to at least.

I tried to stretch them out but he was clutching me close to him as he pounded me. My eyes were closed, but had they been open I am sure they would have been rolled back; I was in pure ecstasy. It was hard to see in the dark, and when my face was buried in his balls. " I smiled- what a time to say that!

But he got inside me quickly. Finally I was able to stretch my legs, and separate them wider to give me better access to myself. Just as I was starting to feel the all-over pleasure that comes right before you do (and, for me, is better than any other feeling in the world). My knees were bent and up by my face.

There was only one thing that could heighten this. He stayed in as long as he could, by my request. He withdrew and laid back. My fingernails scratched the cushioned headboard. That always gives me the BEST orgasm. I slid my hand down my body, attempting to rub myself while he fucked me.

I was hoping to try to sleep long enough to get another round out of him. How non-gentlemanly We both laid back. I tried, but he was still recovering. I love the feeling of dick inside me and wanted it to last as long as possible. I got up and turned the bathroom light on. I waited for what seemed liked forever but in actuality was probably 10-20 minutes.

He didn’t seem to be expecting me to, and he didn’t wait for me to. I went to the other side of the bed where my bra was on top of a pile of his clothes. This gave me enough light to find my things, but not jarring overhead light. He moaned a little, and smiled as I stood up again.

I picked up his left hand, not knowing what I’d find. There was a ring on it. I was bummed I didn’t cum. He gave one last hard pump and moaned as he came inside me. I meant it more for him; I didn’t care. I put my pants on and black hairy pussies crawled over the bed to kiss him. His marriage is his business, and I certainly didn’t make him do anything he wasn’t 100% willing to do.

No, he was leaving today. We said goodbye and I left. It had fallen off my chest while we were in action, and I didn’t see it in the sheets. I wrote my name, room number, and phone number on a pad next to the bed. I set my alarm to call him at 7:30, when he said he was getting up. I put on abrand new set of lingerie I had just bought a couple days ago.

I realized almost immediately upon getting back to my room that I had forgot the earring he so strategically placed upon me. When he knocked, I opened the door and his eyes widened, looking right down at my chest. "Are you around tonight? I pleaded with him, but he had to go work, he said.

I finished dressing and kissed him again. He had it and was going to bring me it. I laid back in bed, and read a/r/gonewildstories to finish what he had started. Still handsome, especially dressed up in a suit and tie. As I sit here and type this, my mouth still tastes vaguely of dick and I'm still sticky from his cum. I fly out tomorrow, and will really miss all my NYC adventures.

I hope to be back again very, very soon. I think his ring was weighing more heavily upon him than punctuality was. Please oh please, I thought. In the light of day I could see more grey in his hair than I had previously noticed.

[jaehyunsboomvocals]

Part 1

Yoo Kihyun ....

Monsta X’s main vocal…

Monbebe’s hamster...

Wife and Eomma of 5 kids… 

This is how the world saw him. The only person who didn’t see him this way was Tris. His best friend and the girl next door.

Tris and Kihyun’s mothers were best friends who did everything together. When they got married, they bought houses next door to each other so they never had to go a day apart… Luckily for them, they married two other best friends… These 2 couples were inseparable. They did everything with each other, from double dates before they were married, to holidays after they were married. So it was only normal when they fell pregnant around the same time, went to pregnancy classes together, sent the hubbies out to get late night cravings.

Kihyun’s eomma, Soyou was the first to go into labour. Tris’ eomma, Bora had a few weeks to go but insisted she wanted to be admitted with her bestie… The hospital staff felt it made no sense for her to be admitted so early but had to give in to her request when Ki’s appa, woohyun booked out a private room for the ladies. Ki’s family were much better off than Tris'. Woohyun had gone to college since his parents could afford it. Tris’ appa Dongwoo, did not have the best upbringing and was forced to find a job straight after school. Back in the day, if you had a college degree, you were better than the rest. However, never once did the woohyun and soyout make dong and bora feel like they were below them. They always treated them as equals and this was one of the reasons their friendship was so strong for so many years…

Soyou and bora were best friends since kindergarten... once they met and realized they were pretty much the same person... they decided to be best friends forever... 

As for woohyun and dongwoo... they met in the 2nd grade ... 

Dongwoo was always the victim of the school’s bullies ... until one day woohyun stood up to them...

He pushed the bully on the floor and told him if he ever picked on anyone again, he would report him to his police officer dad who locked up bullies. .. woohyun knew fully well that his dad who was a doctor could not possibly lock this horrible child up but the bully didnt know that... ever since that day dongwoo made his first friend. Every day after school he would go to woohyun’s house where they would play soccer in his backyard. They became so good at it that they both made their schools little league team. A few years later, they were headed off to high school ... and had one thing on their minds... making the epik high school soccer team... they had worked hard all through primary and middle school for that very moment…

That soon changed when they met soyou and bora.. All the guys wanted to do growing up, was be on the soccer field, until they noticed these two girls… By some luck, no two people liked the same person... the guys fell for different girls and the girls in turn reciprocated… and for the next four years their friendships grew and their innocent love stories developed into serious relationships...

Dongwoo had started working at a manufacturing factory with his dad until he made his way up to manager 7 years later... soyou and bora started working as secretaries at a law firm to pay for their part time studies...  soyou had waited 4 years for woohyun to return from college before they got married 2 years later...

After dongwoo became manager, and bora had found a job at a health care centre, they also tied the knot...

Once dong and bora got back from their much needed honeymoon, the couples went house hunting.. After a few weeks of searching .. they finally found their dream homes right next door to each other... after 2 years of happiness and some hardships .. soyou and bora fell pregnant and 9 months later .. A baby boy  and a baby girl were born..

Kihyun and Tris... who were a few weeks apart... had not spent a single day without the other since tris was born... Soyou had left work for a bit when ki was born, since woohyun was earning enough to provide for the family... bora hated that she had to go back to work after her maternity leave was over but was thankful that tris was in the hands of the only person she trusted.. Kihyun and tris went through everything together... from nappy changes... spitting up food on soyou ... their first words... learning how to walk ... to attending the same kindergarten... primary middle and high school... They were more than best friends... they had become each other's other half... the ones they turned to when something bad happened and the ones they couldn’t wait to run to when something good happened... They had not noticed just how much they needed the other until the day kihyun left home to follow his dreams of being a singer...

The first time tris asked ki what he wanted to be when he grew up... they were 12 years old.. their parents were busy at the dinner table while the kids played... all 4 of them expected an answer like fireman or police or an engineer like woohyun... however ki stated he was going to be a singer..  The parents all chuckled but tris simply replied.. wen u become famous.. can you buy me a pink pony ? Ofcz ki replied i will buy you 3 pink ponies... tris' face lit up and ever since that day she had become ki’s #1 fangirl... she filmed his audition tapes for agencies ... she stood in lines with him when there were open castings... she made posters and stood in crowds at talent shows he participated in...Gifted him cds with vocal lessons whenever she could save up enough of her allowance... this continued for years, until one day his dream had started to turn into a reality.

Tris and ki were watching a movie in his room when his mum called out for him saying he has a phone call.. tris had paused the movie and waited patiently for him to return... soon she could hear soyou crying and opening the front door ... tris looked out the window and saw soyou make her way next door most probably to talk to bora... ki came back into the room with a blank look on his face.. ki sat down on his bed next to tris and kept staring off in a daydream state.. "kihyunah what happened to your mum... is everything okay... why is she crying" ki looked at tris still unable to speak until he finally collapsed his head onto her shoulder... "i got a call from starship ent... they want me to come in for a live audition" tris finally understood why ki had gone into this shocked state... it was almost hard to believe that he had gotten a response back from anyone... after sending in so many audition vids, they eventually gave up when no one responded... tris pulled ki up from her shoulder... and put her hands on his shouldersto keep him from collapsing again.. "ki .. its happening. .. The moment we worked towards the past 5 years.. its here.. im so proud of u”.. tris tried to tell herself this was really happening as she said these words... they sat there for a while unable to say anything or move .. they did this alot... when someone had something they were not ready to talk about .. they would just sit in silence until that person was ready to spill... but this was the first time they sat in happy silence... "tris... what if im not good enough" ki finally said... "they would not have called you up if they didnt see some talent in you... all you have to do is go there and show them what i see in you everyday.. and if they dont want you, then screw them.. it will be their loss… and we will just keep trying until someone realizes how special you are."

Ki was always thankful for tris' support... sometimes he wondered how he would have gotten through most of his life if she hadn’t been by his side... he knew he definitely wouldn’t have gotten this call, had she not been there with him every step of the way cheering him on every time he felt like there was no point anymore... Ki looked at tris sitting in front of him and put his hand to her head and patted it... this was his thing... every time he needed to calm down or she did something cute or she needed comforting ...he would pat her head ...

The same girl on the same bed just like every other day of his life. The same girl he ever gave a flower to when they were 5 and playing in the garden, because he wanted to give her something pretty. The same girl who stood next to him staring worriedly into the mirror the first time he attempted shaving. The same girl who made his tie knots, not because he didn’t know how, just because he thought she made it better. 

The same girl on the same bed, only this time felt different, as if from this day onwards, the rest of their lives were going to change… ki’s dream was finally coming true but all he could think about as he looked at tris, was how he was going to live his life without her by his side... 

A few weeks after the audition, kihyun had become a starship trainee... he had moved into the dorm with a bunch of other guys who soon became his family...

No matter how close ki got to these guys... no one could fill the tris void he had since leaving home... he had gone from seeing her every day, to seeing her once every 3 months... she used to call him every until his days got too tiring and he was asleep by the time she called... ki spent the next 4 years this way.. Being a trainee was the hardest thing he had ever gone through...  it was especially harder when he had to participate in a survival show with the guys he saw as brothers... the only thing harder than saying goodbye to the guys who got cut was when he said goodbye to tris all those years ago... After many hardships and struggles, the moment had finally come... a date had been set... a group name had been given... positions had been assigned... kihyun was finally going to debut...

Tris still couldnt believe it was happening. It was hard enough to believe that the boy she watched on tv was the same boy who ran all the way to the store to buy pads, meds and ice cream when they were at the library studying for finals and she had gotten her period.

The same boy who since that day, had memorized her schedule and always reminded so she was prepared... The same boy who gave her a flower when they were 5… 

That boy was going to be famous... Even though it was hard to process, tris knew since they were younger that this day would come... and not just because she hoped she would get her ponies.. She had seen the talent in him before anyone else had... it scared her sometimes when they were filming auditions... what gonna happen when my best friend becomes everyone’s oppa?… what’s gonna happen when my best friend becomes an idol and I no longer see him?... what happens when my best friend finds a new best friend and no longer needs me? It had been a while since she had those thoughts and they all returned upon news of his debut… Tris hated herself for feeling so selfish. She more than anyone wanted ki to succeed and accomplish all his dreams.. She just sometimes wished his dreams didn’t take him away from her.

[bartarb]

RECAP: OUR TOP 50 AUSTRALIAN HIP-HOP/R&B TRACKS OF 2016

2016 was the year that this scene was finally accepted by mainstream media outlets, played regularly on Triple J and given the opportunity to throw mad rap events at some of the countries’ best live music venues. The number of local rap: artists, releases, managers, parties, radio shows, even blogs exploded too. MANU CROOKS was put on BEATS1 rotation & posted on The FADER. SAMPA THE GREAT racked up over half a million streams on “BLUE BOSS”. BARO blurred cultural/sonic boundaries. TKAY MAIDZA dropped a huge album + landed that KILLER MIKE collab. MIDAS.GOLD, CULT SHOTTA, BIG SKEEZ, I AM D, NICO GHOST & SAVOUR THE RATIONS all dominated live-stages across the country. The GREMLNS, PLAYBACK 808, 1 HUNNID RECORDS & TREXON WAVE showed us the future. These squads are all barely out of high-school, have a strong African heritage and are blowing up against the odds. Almost all of the above was soundtracked by producers: DOPAMINE, MIRACLE, JAMES DAMIAN ANGUS, MITCH GRUANKE & HARVEY who don’t get enough credit. JUNOR launched his AUD$ radio show on SYN which is legit. The PROPHECY BOYZ launched SAUCE - a new brand that will probs do huge things in 2K17. RARE FLOW TV, provided an essential piece-to-the-puzzle, bringing this all to life in quality music videos. Australian rap music is at an all time high. But tbh, it’s going to take another miracle to push it any further. Now that there’s money to be made here, cashed-up copy-cat rappers/labels/magazines/venues with no imagination will find a way to suck the life out of your music for a quick profit. Historically, this has happened many times over, preventing Australians from truly impacting music culture on a global scale. WTF is the diff between us and: Canada, England or America? Terrible artists will succeed if you let them. Donald Trump was elected president. We’re always a stones-throw away from making the next generation of AUS rap fans (and the rest of the world) cringe at us. Question everyone. Even THANK GUARD. Oh, btw. This blog still doesn’t make money. Here’s 50 songs that inspired us to keep hustling in 2016 in between dem long-ass shifts. 50. “VIEWS UP” - NYUON (MELB)

NYUON - an essential character in the MELB rap scene - stretches out the parameters of his sound a little more with each release. “VIEWS UP” saw him lean back towards centre after the experimentally hazy, lilting vibe of his ’15 BYMYSELF tape. With the help of producer ROOKIEPRO he pooled that self-effacing, conscious rap-swagger into his most polished track do-date. 49. “SORROWS” - BLESSED (SYD)

Taking cues from CUDI, UK alternative-pop and their own minds, BLESSED managed to instantly stand out from the rest of the trap-heavy SYD scene last year. Their output in ‘16 was super consistent, and “SORROWS” (our fav) has already amassed over 127K plays on Soundcloud. Early days, but their potential for global appeal is already proven. 48. “I.D.C.A” - 18K (BRIS)

“I.D.C.A” gives you a real wow moment the second those bars come in. 18K’s on that: modern-day BONE,THUGZ & HARMONY/vaguely MIGOS ATL, super-quick flow. His beats are perfect too. Hard hitting, modern trap sounds AND a hint of like CLAMS CASINO cloud-rap as well. 47. “30 DAYS” - DENNIS (MELB)

Mysterious producer/singer DENNIS dropped this one to no reception whatsoever. The mastering isn’t professional, but the song itself and the man’s vocals are world class. You gotta pump the volume ride it to the peak for full-effect fam. Like some new BON IVER shit without the cringe, pretty sure this came out first too. 46. “PRESSURE (ft. JACE XL)” - BILLY DAVIS (MELB)

BILLY DAVIS & JACE XL (RYTHYM SECTION) are both heavily associated with THE OPERATIVES (who monopolised vibes in MELB the last decade). JACE shows off his life-changing soul crooning over some classic BILLY DAVIS instrumentation. This would be a lot higher if it were more relevant to our needs. 45. “NO MORE” - DEEVILLA (SYD)

With this track alone, SYDNEY-based DEEVILLA proved he can write the type of song this scene needs. His flow, lyrics and overall mood on “NO MORE” summed up 2016 perfectly in terms of music & vibe. FLIP TRILL’s production on this one did all the above and more. 44. “RUN UP (ft. FLYBOII & L.U.I)” - LIL SPACELY (SYD)

Got the vibe that BLACK DANNA head honcho SPACELY had a tough 2016. But, being an essential SYDNEY rap-character that he is, the dude still managed to drop some of the livest AUS rap tracks of 2016. On “RUN UP”, he took the chunky, horn-filled instrumental from FAT JOE and REMY MA’s “ALL THE WAY UP”, puffed out his chest, and along with a couple talented homies delivered a growling, arrogant battle track that signalled his readiness to take his music national. He’s already dropped several tracks in ’17. Stay woke. 43. “FIRE” - SQUIDGENINI (MELB)

SQUIDGENINI a.k.a Bella, is one of Melbourne’s better-kept secrets right now. She’s been honing her craft for some time: playing in bands, producing solo tracks and supporting huge artists. “FIRE”, one of her only releases in 2016, instantly put her on our radar. This highly ambitious track features no-bullshit lyrisicm, eccentric production and some straight up vocal-fire. 42. “NAH BRUH, THIS IS WAGE GANG!” - VEENO (SYD)

When BABY VEENO dropped this insane freestyle in October it was criminally over-looked by many (including us). Choosing YOUNG THUG’S timeless “SEE YOU” beat from that G.O.A.T RICH GANG tape proved to us that the man has taste. The ensuing bars instilled visions of VEENO becoming SYDNEY’s trap-SKEPTA in ’17. 41. “CLAP BACK” - SAVOUR THE RATIONS (SYD)

SAVOUR THE RATIONS were one of the most influential, pro-active and entertaining AUSTRALIAN rap crews of 2016 (especially towards the end). KWAME, DOMBA, JAYJAY ASSASSIN, GYBRYLLAH SHYNE & RAJ MAHAL made their biggest moves via videos/live performances. “CLAP BACK” which was dropped on Jan 2nd, 2016 showed the boys doing their ting for their own entertainment. This year they’ll be doing it for thousands no doubt. 40. “BEST FRIEND (YOUNG THUG REMIX)” - BIG SKEEZ (SYD)

This was probably the local track we played most last year. BIG SKEEZ really stood out in ‘16 for his song-writing hustle & originality (highlighted on his S.A.T.T mixtape). Remixing such a familiar, iconic song allowed SKEEZ to let loose in the booth more than ever before, resulting in 3:14 of explosive, feverish trap-fury filled with icy-cold local references/flips. 39. “ALIVE REMIX (ft. BARO & CAZEAUX O.S.L.O)” - ESESE (MELB)

Couldn’t think of a more suitable 2016 MELBOURNE summer-rap anthem than this BARO remix if I tried. It feature local pillars: CAEZEUX O.S.L.O, SKOMES and the ESESE crew - and oozes those heavenly FITZROY day-party vibes. Hearing HENOQ and O.S.L.O both spit new-gen AUS boom-bap masterpieces in rapid succession would’ve brought a tear to the eye of every true BURN-CITY rap-fan this year. 38. “NO MORALS (ft. $KINNY DOM)” - BLACK NAPOLEON (WA)

On “NO MORALS”, BLACK NAPOLEON brought equal parts: slow, deliberate and estatic D double E style booth raps - the kind you’d hear on some UK Pirate radio set to the table. LUCHII, another PERTH-based genius jumped into the mix sounding more like a 6K Gucci, nailing the perfect guest verse. The CAMERON PARK directed-visuals for this one featured no guns, knives or punches thrown, but it still stands as one of the most violent local vids of ’16. #HOMEBAKED. 37. “FUCK THE JUDGE (ft. REMI)” - BARO (MELB)

When BARO dropped the second taste of his soon-TBR JPYNTK tape about 6 months ago, the world was torn in half by the racial violence sweeping the US. It was literally with you everywhere you went, no matter ur skin colour. “FUCK THE JUDGE”, which was released at the very hight of this chaos featured inspired verses from REMI + BARO and was accompanied by the statement: “They're killing my people. They're killing PEOPLE.” The song itself also made another (less important statement) about BARO’s unflinching confidence as a dude/rapper. It was his first absolute crystal clear “fuck u” to industry/fan expectations - a sign that he might be giving the typical AUS rap-sound a much needed kick up-the-butt in 2017. 36. “POTENTIAL (I SEE)” - LORD LEVI (MELB)

When it comes to MELB underground anthems in 2016, LORD LEVI’s “POTENTIAL (I SEE)” is practically unrivalled. The hook, flow and production on this one truly encapsulates the rise of the BURN-CITY outer-suburb high-school trap scene in 2016. LEVI and the GREMLN squad built a dedicated following last year on the back of songs like this. Trek thru any BURN-CITY suburb and “I SEE POTENTIAL” follows u through the streets. 35. “FLEX MODE” - ERIK SANDERS (BRIS)

Brisbane’s ERIK SANDERS blew up out of nowhere last year on the back of several highly-polished, US-influence nu-trap singles. “FLEX MODE” bursts out of the gate with a series of auto-tune inflected bars that twist-and-turn, merging multitudes of impressive melodies in quick succession. This one gets real wild at the end too. 34. “RIDE (ft. REZT)” - LUCHII (WA)

LUCHII has always struck us as an interesting character, but we still slept on the man in ’16. When he dropped “RIDE” like a month ago, we swore to stay woke on the PERTH creative forevermore. This one rides an island trap wave that reminded us of CHILDISH GAMBINO’s “CALIFORNIA” and MAC MILLERS new stuff, but it also hits on something completely new. The vocals reference ATL rhythms/tones AND something else, which MUST have been born in a cloud of green smoke on one of those pristine PERTH beaches. 33. “PULL UP (ft. CIDI, LORD BRAVO, DUT BOL & RANDOLPH)” - BONKI CHOL (ADEL)

In 2016, the TREXON WAVE squad was our guilty pleasure. We legit found ourselves rinsing their proficiently rugged trap cuts more than CHANCE or FRANK. “PULL UP” is the song that started the whole affair. I remember being high af on a Tuesday at like 2PM about 8 months ago just blasting this enchanting MIGOS-style cut on my speakers for an hour straight. Jut listen to BONKI CHOI and homies: CIDI, LORD BRAVO, DUT BOL, RANDOLPH bring the sauce one time. They all flaunt separate styles, personalities and lyrical tendencies on this one, but their skills/delivery are at 100 throughout. 32. “HOW U FEEL” - NICO GHOST (MELB)

Close your eyes and “HOW U FEEL” will take you to a dark, nondescript club setting. Smoke settles in over those eerie trap bells - the calm before the storm. That amazing harpsichord removes any sense of time/location. Your mind is finally empty. Nico spits that FB generation mantra: “I couldn’t really give a fuck how you feel”, lulling you into a false sense of security before ruining your life with intensity. NICO’s 2016 was pretty-much dominated by his wild live-show. But in between sets he found the time to gift us with this the premiere for this one. Was a huge step forward for us. The man’s legit. 31. “MONSTER TRUCK” - ALLDAY (MELB)

ALLDAY is huge - has been for years now. In 2016, he went through a bit of a sonic evolution and we fucked with it heavy. “MONSTER TRUCK” is a song that pushed Australian rap to places in the world it rarely reaches. This one features earnest lyrics, euphoric melodies and a skin-tight flow - years of work/experience all coming together. ALLDAY made some serious global waves last year as unique voice in the world of post-OVO rap music. 30. “LIONA” - NASTY MARS (MELB)

On “LIONA”, future-star NASTY MARS took warm, wavy, lo-fi production ripped straight from a SOULECTION cassette and crafted his own rap/soul-experiment around the peaks and flows of the beat. Although, hardly representative of this guy’s unreleased material, live show and overall position in the AUSTRALIAN rap/soul scene - “LIONA” still managed to take on a life of it’s own… just suss the comments. 29. “BLOOD THICKER THAN WATER” - LUTHER (BRIS)

One of BRISBANE’s most charismatic up-and-comers, LUTHER teamed up with AUS production royalty JAMES DAMIAN ANGUS early last year for a YOUNG THUG/LIL WAYNE style cut that blew us away. The production bangs. LUTHER’s wild, warbling trap-jitterings are fierce, crunchy and at times hilarious. Everything you want in a track like this. The dude is associated with the WORLDWIDE BOYS who will blow up this year. 28. “THIRSTY” - ANFA ROSE (SYD)

“THIRSTY” came last year amidst a never-ending avalanche of consistently jaw-dropping ANFA ROSE & DOPAMINE joint-efforts. Everything on this one from the samples, to ROSE’s perfectly structured verses - to those 808 snares cutting thru your entire being - to the lyrics enforced our theory that these dudes aren’t human. They are computer programs or clones or holograms or something. 27. “MARIA MARIA” - GEEK, CHARLES X & SELASIE WUSSAH (SYD)

This one - easily top 3 most iconic “THANK GUARD” anthems in our entire history. Seeing it live at one of our BONEY parties inspired some of the most emotional dabs ever dabbed. When it dropped back in Jan, it brought out some of our best writing ever too… so I’m just gonna quote myself here.

“On the most polished THANK GUARD Premiere to-date, a dynamic trio of epileptic acid-rappers exchange contrasting melodic flows - in a bid to win a Spanish bae’s heart.” If you don’t know GEEK, CHARLES X (of CULT SHOTTA) or SELASIE WUSSAH by now we don’t trust u. 26. “1 3 1 6” - E L K (ADL)

Adelaide teen E L K bursted onto the scene with last year with “TUTEN KARMEN”, which would have easily made the top 10 if he didn’t remove it from SC. “1 3 1 6”, a different (but equally impressive) joint also blew us away. This one brings guys like MF DOOM & JAY ELECTRONICA to mind instantly, but channeled thru the purity of a fresh, young mind with the voice of a rap-god. In 2016 alone, E L K and his PLAYBACK 808 crew went from bedroom rappers, to the creators of a legit AUS rap movement that looks poised to climb mountains in 2017. 25. “FEELING GOOD FEELING GREAT” - TOYOTOMI HIDEYOSHI (WA)

2 months ago, FourAM head-honcho TOYOTOMI HIDEYOSHI teamed up with producer SNOWEE for a sun-drenched 6K anthem. Some rare RAE SCHREMMURD vibes (if they were slightly more sober). Truly peaks at the end. TOYOTOMI is another young dude whose influence on the culture went beyond rapping last year. From short films, events to supporting those around him - this kid did it all in 2016. 24. “DOPER THAN DOPE (MACHINEDRUM REMIX)” - SK SIMEON (MELB)

One of AUSTRALIA’s best rhythmic-vocalists had a huge 2016. SK SIMEON has been a worldwide reggae force for a minute now. Born in Uganda, recorded his first song at a studio in Dandenong… But last year “DOPE THAN DOPE” - one of his best tracks to-date was remixed by MACHINEDRUM. This version (which sounds good anywhere) took SK’s insane rapid-fire singing and infectious tongue-in-cheek delivery to dance-floors around the world. 23. “NULIFE” - MAIA (BRIS)

BRISBANE neo-neo-soul singer/producer MAÏA returned to form in 2016 with her nostalgic, intimate “LOFI” Mixtape. “NULIFE” - a definite standout will swallow you up whole in a blanket of warm, jazzy melodies and pulsating rimshots. Coming very early in the year, this track really pre-empted a lot of trends that are dominating American music culture as we speak. We predict huge things for MAIA in 2017. 22. “$AUCE” - GREMLNS (MELB)

2016 was the year of the GREMLN in the suburbs of MELB. No other underground AUS rap squad made more of an impact than these guys in the last 12 months. This “SAUCE” video came about after months of anticipation and was defs worth the wait. It showed the GREMSQUAD more polished-than-ever, a bunch of real young talents standing at the crossroads between street-fame and industry acceptance. The video itself is like a cross between an old-school Tarantino movie and a London GRIME vid, but set in some unmistakably murky Burn-city graffiti spots. 21. “BERETTA” - MATT BLACK (SYD)

SYDNEY-based vocalist MATT BLACK exploded out of the blocks last year with a series of MIRACLE/DOPAMINE produced R&B/SOUL singles - the type big labels dream about every night. “BERETTA” is the whole package. A high-concept, slow-burning, futuristic love-song which cleverly compares a lover to a pistol. Two things that (depending on the circumstances) can save you or destroy you, make u feel like a man or a mouse. 20. “EVERYDAY” - DREAM$TEAM (ADEL)

So much love for duo’s with vastly different voices. When you listen to a DREAM$TEAM you got no time for boredom. You’ve got CHARLTON on the first verse who always goes in with this SHAKE070-style flow and A-grade emotionally-charged lyricism, then the other G comes in riding world-class auto-tune vibes that sit somewhere between YACHTY & TRAVI$ SCOTT. The production, which features ZAYTOVEN-style piano, is the opposite of corny… bounces hard & leaves plenty of room for vocals. These guys are insanely talented for their age-bracket. Anythings possible for them in 2017 19. “TENNIES” - TKAY MAIDZA (ADEL)

TKAY MAIDZA, easily one of the most successful artists on this list had a huge 2016. She was spun on SKRILLEX’s OWSLA radio show, played a tonne of festivals in AUS & FRANCE, but most importantly dropped a huge studio album, TKAY, which featured guest verse from KILLER MIKE (Run The Jewels). “TENNIES” was our favourite track from the album, because it combined her signature worldly sugar-rap with some hella uplifting footwork vibes. How often is boundary-pushing music this much fun? 18. “LAPUTA (TAYLOR MCFERRIN REMIX ft. ANDERSON PAAK)” - HIATUS KAIYOTE (MELB)

The one and only MELB-based GRAMMY-nominated future-soul quartet that we probs should have posted by now had to have a presence on this list, at least to show you all what’s possible. Their second album “CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON” is a must listen, but was released waybach in 2015. Last year, TAYLOR MCFERRIN recruited ANDERSON PAAK to rework standout single “LAPUTA” for a remix EP. The results speak for themselves. 17. “PEACEWALKER” - GALLU$, RAIDER KING (BRIS)

GALLU$ was real cult-force down in BRISBANE last year. His influence on the scene transcended his recordings - a huge statement considering the quality of songs like “PEACEWALKER”. This one features some heavy statements screamed with a natural Aussie accent over “GLASSSS” by PYRMDPLAZA. 

“THIS INDUSTRY’S FAKE & THE PEOPLE TALK BULLSHIT // THAT SOUNDS PRETTY OBVIOUS // SO WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING? // QUESTIONING MY OWN MUSIC LIKE // EVERY LINE THAT I WRITE // CAN’T HELP BUT FEEL STUPID.” - nuff said. 16. “ALL OF MI LIFE (MACHINEDRUM REMIX)” - YAW FASO (MELB)

2016 was a year where artists like POPCAAN & J HUS were getting love on THE FADER + DRAKE/BIEBER/SKRILLEX were jacking sounds from the Caribbean and breaking billboard records. When our own YAW FASO shared this MACHINEDRUM remix of his sun-drenched single “ALL OF MI LIFE” the timing was perfect, but as the hook declares, he wasn’t riding any trends. Reggae is one of the few genres that makes you smile, dance and forget about all your issues. This song, bursting with: FASO’s highly motivational reggae mantras, sugary buildups and super-refreshing production does all the above. 15. “IDK” - GILL BATES (BRIS)

With his LESS STRESS, MORE SUCCESS EP, GILL BATES showed a whole new side of himself to the world in 2016. Standout cut “IDK” took the catchier side of AUS rap into unknown territory: substance & self-awareness. Above all tho, it’s just a great song. That larger-than-life JAMES DAMIAN ANGUS production grabs you from 0:01… GILL’s opening line “BEEN DROWNING MY SORROWS // BOTTLE AFTER BOTTLE” takes you into his psyche… Then GILL & JAMES drag you deeper and deeper into darkness before flipping things with a bittersweet xylophone-driven hook. A world-class highlight from one of the best local releases in 2016. 14. “NEVER BEEN” - TYRØNE (SYD)

In the last 12 months, few local artists worked harder than TYRØNE. The SYDNEY rapper/producer legit dropped a full EP Trilogy, brimming with GOAT Australian rap lyricism. Song, after song the guy managed to craft a unique aesthetic for himself and his music – darkness that isn’t fake. “NEVER BEEN”, a real standout encapsulates this dedication to his craft more than any other. That skin-tight baritone flow just doesn’t stop on this one. “I SAY LIFE IS EVERYTHING YOU MAKE IT // ONE THING DAMN RIGHT I AIN’T NEVER BEEN FAKE BITCH” 13. “HIT EM” - I AM D (BRIS)

BRISBANE one-man-movement I AM D flew way under our radar until we heard this one. “HIT EM” showcased D’s near iconic nu-AUSSIE rap tone, through a stream of SKEPTA-like vocal punches that explained every move he would make in the local scene. Little did we know at the time, but he actually went on to achieve everything he rapped on this track. In a matter of months after its release: he got signed to a major label, dropped a hugely successful EP, landed a national tour and stamped his influence on the local culture. 12. “NO FATIGUE (ft. GEEK & SELASIE WUSSAH)” - CULT SHØTTA (SYD)

The video for “NO FATIGUE” really set the tone for CULT SHØTTA season in 2016. They were always a truly unique presence in the Australian rap game, but on this track, they toned things down, unleashing line-after-line of vibrant acid-raps over a relatively sparse bass-driven trap beat. As per usual, CHARLES X, GEEK & SELASIE WUSSAH each brought their A-game, showing off vastly different styles/personas, each challenging different “AUSTRALIAN RAP” taboos in the process. It also marked the beginning of director RUFFY’s much-needed string of ambitious video-work that helped elevate many-a local rapper last year. 11. “FOR GOOD (ft. SAMPA THE GREAT)” - REMI (MELB)

Couldn’t think of a better ’16 feel-good Aus-rap summer anthem than REMI and SAMPA’s “FOR GOOD” if I tried. When your air-con breaks on a 35 degree day, this song could actually save ur life. The production, hook and overall vibe really feels like a classic Triple J anthem, the type that soundtracked our lives. But, obviously everything has been re-worked for the next-generation, creating a crisper, more sonically diverse hit than we’re used to. 10. “EXISTENTIALITY” - OJIKAE (MELB)

“EXISTENTIALITY” is a lovesick vision that’s refreshingly different from the over-saturated BILLBOARD TOP 100-style R&B that the likes of TORY LANEZ and BRYSON TILLER put out. It was also the very first track released by 17 y.o VCE student Matt Cicero, which blew us away immediately last JULY. The guy wrote something original, produced the track himself and whipped out a spine-tingling vocal performance that singlehandedly dragged his ass all the way to the top 10 of this list. 9. “ASSUMPTIONS” - MANU CROOKS (SYD)

“ASSUMPTIONS” was premiered on ZANE LOWE’s BEATS1RADIO show… got our mag a global shoutout AND tore stages apart across the country in 2016. We heard more sides of Sydney game-changer MANU CROOKS than ever before on this one. With help from production masterminds DOPAMINE & MIRACLE, CROOKS departed from them brooding Toronto vibes to show Australia & the world that he can can TURN UP like the best of them. 8. “CALL ME” - DEVARN (MELB)

This song is what THANK GUARD is all about. Sonically, it’s right up our alley… but more importantly it came from a creative young dude who: thinks for himself and punches well-above his weight considering the resources/money some people on this list have at their disposal. It also tells a story we have witnessed for years now…

“ALL OF MY N*GGAS THEY WORK IN THE SUN // WAITING FOR LABELS TO HIT UP THEY PHONE // I WANT SOME MONEY TO GET ME A PHONE” Few rappers can get you on their side like Melbourne’s DEVARN. His vocals are earnest, intimate - when he raps, it feels like he’s letting you into his world. He doesn’t slur his words, or smother them in auto-tune either - you can hear every word the man is saying. Also, huge props for referencing some of our fav underground anthems >> SAUCE (GREMLNS) >> MOOSHAMAD // I HAD A DREAM WE GON’ MAKE IT. Damn. 7. “000000” - MIDAS.GOLD (BRIS)

Last year, Brisbane’s MIDAS.GOLD elevated himself to the Mount Rushmore of this new-wave. Of all the wild trap releases & intimate soul-searching cuts on his huge FOR WHAT IT’S WORTH EP, “000000” had the biggest impact on the scene. It dropped all the way back in JANUARY when local rappers were all bumping FUTURE & YOUNG THUG 24/7, but still didn’t truly believe that an Aussie could incorporate these sounds into their music so convincingly. MIDAS truly made this quality JAMES DAMIAN ANGUS/MO LIASON beat his bitch from 0:01, before abruptly taking the track down a notch in its last third, flipping the beat and creating a Schoolboy Q-esque bleary-eyed, kushed-out vibe that eased the track out from its original energy. 6. “WHIP IT” - BIG SKEEZ

We’ve been huge supporters of BIG SKEEZ for a long time. Every track he dropped in 2016 wreaked of originality in both vision and character. SKEEZ, a dude climbing his way up a ladder of: elegant email signatures, cut-throat managers and concrete industry rules, often collaborated with us thru a simple fb message - or just bumping into him in the city. This made us question the likelihood of his success to some extent, but when this video for “WHIP IT” dropped, it turned all our dreams into a reality. The WAVY BADMON, along with his SYDNEY crew absolutely owned the big screen, turning up like a pro to one of the standout tracks from his under-rated debut mixtape. Seeing this whole evolution transpire before our very eyes gave this CERNE STUDIOS production a real sentimental value for the whole THANK GUARD team. 5. “ABSURD” - ANFA ROSE (SYD)

ANFA ROSE and DOPAMINE’S magnum opus will make you cry like a Canadian watching Drake sing the national anthem. The silky smooth, “Absurd” is a beautifully executed blend of 808s, pianos and harmonies. When it comes to polish, no local track released in 2016 comes close to this one. DOPAMINE stripped back that instrumental, focusing on an ethereal and ominous beat with a chordal pattern that slides effortlessly from note to note. ROSE’s delicate melodies fuse perfectly with the instrumental and his lyrics, which are reminiscent of DRAKE’s odes to RIHANNA, or THE WEEKND’s odes to drugs. 4. “RUN IT (ft. LEVI, PHANTOM & KMALITH)” - MIKE WANG (MELB)

When low-key GREMLN MICHAEL WANG dropped this fire squad track all borders between Australia & America went up in flames. The MELBOURNE underground literally outshone the AUSTRALIAN i-Tunes charts. Nothing would make sense ever again. In terms of flow, lyricism and local impact… this was without a doubt one of the best Australian rap tracks released in 2016. WANG, LEVI, PHANTOM & KMALITH came out, guns blazing with their own jaw-dropping take on that MIGOS-style flow (and this was all before “BAD & BOUJEE” blew up). That little OVO-style hook/breakdown “I GOT BANDS…” really added a whole other dimension to the song too. Don’t even get me started on the message behind these lyrics and their relevancy to our scene, the city of MELBOURNE and the racial/cultural tensions often overlooked by most Australians. 3. “BLOWIN’ UP (ft. MIRACLE)” - MANU CROOKS (SYD)

“BLOWIN UP” was MANU CROOKS flipping the switch and making a statement: his rise to success is about much more than bangerz. Being able to rap and record full-time is any local rapper’s dream and seeing the SYDNEY rapper get premiered on The FADER must have motivated thousands of Australian teenagers to keep hustling in 2016. Honestly, didn’t think someone from this new AUS rap-scene would make the pages of a mag like The FADER for at least another year. That stamp of approval means a lot. Manu’s tuned-up, magnetically charismatic vocals definitely stole the show on this one…Dude just seems to know exactly what to rap and when. But, none of this would have been possible without his equally talented bros: DOPAMINE & MIRACLE who both shined, bright as ever on this one. 
DOPAMINE always knows just the right amount of syrupy autotune to sprinkle over his mates vocals & this beat speaks for itself. MIRACLE’S production and vocals contributions always help bring a track to the next-level. All 3 of these guys will no-doubt make even more Australian-rap history in 2017. 2. “WDUBI (ft. NASTY MARS & MARCUS)” - BARO (MELB)

When the mind of a black sheep is re-configured to entertain the mindless masses, an artist has reached their final frontier. BARO (NASTY MARS & MARCUS) did this last year with “WDUBI” - the first taste from his eagerly-awaited JPYNTK tape. On first encounter, it plays as the perfect Australian new-gen rap jam. But on further inspection, everything about it: the production, vocal stylings and somber sonic undertones expose it for the beautiful alien it really is. All three verses loosely acknowledge US 2K16 rap (CHANCE, GAMBINO etc), but overall this track really does’t follow the rules set by the American market at all - which is why we love it so much. That NIC MARTIN production plays a huge roll in this also. Something about those double-timed snares/claps and the tempo made this one feel so damn refreshing. We really played the fuck out of this one last year. THANK GUARD. Oh btw “AND IF WE HAVE A SON I THINK WE’LL NAME HIM STEVEN” - line O.T.Y 1. “BLUE BOSS” - SAMPA THE GREAT (SYD)

LMAO. In 2016, a lot of local bro’s hyped their shit like crazy. Walking around like the TUPAC reincarnate, talking smack online & sharing videos on FB 10 times a day… and SAMPA THE GREAT quietly drops a song that makes them all look foolish, raising her to instant-legend status. SAMPA is emotionally mature, intellectually elegant, socially conscious. Her words can fight wars or comfort a child. She is the type of person you’d want running for president, let alone running the local rap scene. “BLUE BOSS” is like a world-class 2K16 surprise rap-hit, but also feels timeless. Unlike kindred spirits NONAME & KAMAIYAH, SAMPA keeps her production and overall-vibe as earthy as possible, creating her own unique place in the rap-world. Considering the desperate need for more female rappers in this country, the quality of SAMPA’s vocals and her all-too-rare modest demeanour, we had to give “BLUE BOSS” the #1 spot. Posted by PAULINE HANSON