#I short circuit everytime I come on here

[lowbudgetpersephone]

Literally I learn and consume so much delicious kinky shit on this site all day— it’s undoing me

[rose-pearls]

If you're still doing requests can you do one where clarisse has a really big crush on the reader who is the daughter of Aphrodite. Clarisse tries to talk to her and get to know her more but every interaction clarisse ends up hurting the reader somehow. Nothing super bad just like accidentally hits her or accidentally pushes her or something and she feels so bad everytime. Then capture the flag happens you and clarisse are on separate teams and clarisse was throwing her spear at someone but then it accidentally hits you, nothing life threatening just a bad cut on your arm of leg. She carries you to the infirmary and waits until she knows you're okay. When's she sees you she can't hold it in anymore and just starts saying how she's so sorry and that she just wanted to talk to you and that she really like you. And then it ends with fluff

The request is kind of long I'm sorry 😞

Hi! Thank you for your request, sorry it took so long! I hope you like it! Requests are open for every character I write for!

Main Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187, @kmc1989, @nyx2021, @thestarspangledcaptain (open)

Percy Jackson Taglist: @niktwazny303

Clarisse La Rue Taglist: @peanutbelley, @abbersreads

Clarisse knew that she was being stupid but she just couldn’t help it or stop it when she came near you. Every positive thing she wanted to say to you turned into something less positive, which always made you frown, and she hated it. It was like you made her brain short-circuit and she couldn’t get the right words to get out of her mouth. 

It was also starting to become a problem at training, every single time she wanted to impress you she accidentally managed to nearly hit you or one of your friends. And yes, it was by mistake, she didn’t want to hurt you.

Her siblings had been making fun of her for it, she usually had the perfect aim but every time you came by, she was a mess, and she hated it. She was a daughter of Ares; she shouldn’t be so affected by you and yet here she was hating herself for telling you the color of your shirt didn’t look good on you. 

Capture the Flag could’ve maybe been her way to talk with you and maybe tell you that she didn’t mean any of it but of course Chiron decided that the Aphrodite cabin should be with the Athena cabin. So now she could only look at you from afar, trying to memorize every single thing about you as if she hadn’t done that already a million times. 

The conch was blown, and everyone started to get into places, she was trying to get her mind back into the game, but it was difficult to make it focus on something else then you. She didn’t have any time to think about you any longer before one of the Hermes kids started attacking one of her siblings and she knew that if there was one of them others would follow.

She had to admit, secretly, that Annabeth always managed to find a creative way to beat the red team, even at twelve the girl could figure out a better battle strategy then Ares himself. But as she fights one of the Hephaestus kids, she sees little Lucy, a new addition to the Demeter cabin, trying to get close to the flag. She doesn’t think about it and throws her spear towards the girl, making sure that it doesn’t hurt her but scares her. The problem was that Clarisse hadn’t been able to watch who was surrounding Lucy and before she knows it, she heard a grown that she knew all too well. 

“Oh, shit,” she says before taking one of her daggers and finishing off the Hephaestus kid that ended on his ass as she pushed him aside to get to you. 

Another Demeter daughter tried to get to her, but she quickly disarmed her, her eyes still focused on you and getting to you.

“I am so sorry, I didn’t see you there,” she says as she finally gets to you, her knees hitting the ground as she looks over the cut on your leg. It didn’t seem too serious, but she just wasn’t sure, maybe an Apollo kid should look at it.

“I’m sure you didn’t,” your words come out a little sarcastic and Clarisse can’t help but blush at them. She knew that she wasn’t the best person in your eyes, after everything she had said and done.

“I really didn’t but we should get this checked out, we never know,” you seem to try and say something but before you can she throws your arm over her shoulder and starts helping you walking towards the med bay.

“Follow the plan!”, she yells at one of her siblings but the only thing she gets in return is a smirk and a wink, making her blush.

“You know it is only a cut, right? I will be fine,” you say after a moment, but she shakes her head in response.

“Better safe than sorry,” she tells you and the both of you don’t speak until she gets you on one of the beds inside. 

An Apollo kid arrives and starts looking over the cut, it does seem small, but Clarisse can’t help but hate herself for hurting you.

“There you go, normally you shouldn’t feel any pain, any longer,” the boy says, and Clarisse can’t help in relief, the boy looks confused at her worries but as she glares at him, he quickly leaves, leaving the both of you alone. She doesn’t know what to say, after all everything she has ever said to you wasn’t really kind and she had just hurt you with her spear.

“You know, I’m starting to think you have it out for me,” your teasing tone falls flat as you seem to see the distress in her eyes. 

“I’m sorry, for everything,” she whispers, and you seem worried as you look at her.

“I’m a bit of an idiot when it comes to feelings, and I seem to put my feet in my mouth whenever I’m talking to you. Probably because you make me so nervous,” she says, unable not to hide it any longer. Deep down she thinks that it’s better that you reject her then that you think she hates you.

“Wait, are you saying-”, she doesn’t let you finish, before blurting out the words herself.

“I like you, like a lot and I know I haven’t handled this in the right way but could you just give me a chance to prove to you that I’m much more than what I’ve said to you and done to you?”, she feels scared, maybe for the first time in her life, because she has never laid out her emotions and let anyone be able to hurt her. You look in shock, before a short laugh leaves your lips.

“I can’t believe Silena was right,” you whisper, and Clarisse feels confused for a moment.

“Wait, Silena?”, she says, trying to figure out what your half-sibling had to do with any of this.

“She told me that what you were doing these past few weeks, weren’t because you hated me but because you liked me. I didn’t believe her at first, I mean you’re a gorgeous girl, why would you go for me?”, you seem shy at the revelation and Clarisse thinks to herself that she should thank Silena but first she had to focus on you.

“You’re kidding me, right? You are the kindest girl in this camp and the way you handle a dagger is seriously impressive and downright attractive. It also doesn’t help that you are the most beautiful girl here, not only on the outside but also on the inside,” the words spill out of her mouth before she can stop them, and she feels breathless for a moment as she looks into your glassy eyes.

“Gods Clarisse, you couldn’t have told me that a few weeks ago? We wouldn’t have wasted so much time,” Clarisse feels unsure for a moment, like she doesn’t believe you are actually saying what she thinks you are saying.

“Wait, so?”

“I like you too Clarisse, I have for a long time now,” you tell her, and she can’t help but let out a sigh of relief at the words. 

“Thank the gods,” she whispers, and you laugh softly at her whisper, making her blush.

“Are you going to kiss me now? Or do I have to wait a few weeks before that?”, the smirk on your lips makes her blush but the teasing edge to it makes her smile turn into a smirk. She doesn’t give you any time to say anything more before cupping your cheek and bringing you into a soft kiss. 

It starts soft and sweet but as you brush your hands into her curls and grip her hair, she starts to deepen the kiss, enjoying the soft sounds you make. You bring her closer to you, the both of you nearly falling down on the bed and she lets her hand wander to your hips, gripping them tightly.

“If you want to make out, please do it in one of your cabins!”, the boy from earlier screams and the both of you jump apart, cheeks red and out of breath but you can’t stop giggling as you leave the med back, leaving the poor boy behind. 

“Where do you want to go?”, you ask, and Clarisse takes your hand and starts bringing you to the familiar path towards the cabins.

“What do you say of visiting the Ares cabin?”, she asks, and you quickly nod in agreement.

“Lead the way,” you tell her with a bright smile.

She had maybe acted like a bit of an idiot but in the end, she had gotten the girl, and she couldn’t be happier, having you in her arms and smiling at her with sparkling eyes. Later on, she would see that she wasn’t the worst one, Percy Jackson was even worse with his obliviousness.  

[madamdionysia]

firm believer that yunho and or mingi get a kick out of seeing you stretched out — it plays with their size kink so much 🫠

my brain has short circuited everytime i rolled this ask around in my head, but heres what i got

cw: gn!reader, no pronouns, penetrative sex, unedited & mobile posted, tummy bulge, size kink, teasing, edging, fingering, implied poly!teez at the end for fun, double penetration, praise, maybe a hint of soft!dom,

edit 10/31/23: fixed like two mistakes, changed one word to make it gender neutral

fuck it so mingi is like fascinated when he first sees you stretched out on his cock, like he can’t believe that someone is capable of such. He’s both amazed and fucking proud when you take his cock, watching the bulge move with his hips. You have to snap him out of whatever trance he put himself in if you wanted any sort of progression

yunho on the other hand is more forward? Expressive? Very much the type to tease and edge as he tries to prepare you. I feel like his ego about it would come out a bit more during sex, sure he has to take longer to prep but this also means longer to scissor his fingers in you, longer to feel your ass, and longer to whisper things like “aw, is my dick really that big?” in effort to get you to admit that you needed help or wanted him to let you reach your peak. Seeing your skin flex and move even with his fingers has him rock hard, and he is so eager to see what you’re capable of.

As for them both, it’s a bit overwhelming being overstimulated on both cocks simultaneously. Yunho is slow, angling his hips to let his dick gently stroke your warm walls. Mingi is focused on the end, and Yunho is focused on the journey. Seeing both of them stretch you to the brim has Yunho’s knees turn to gelatin as he thinks “oh fuck thats hot”. And Mingi knows when he’s sheathed inside of you that he was never that tight for Yunho, and with the two of them buried inside of you as you moan for movement? Mingi’s brain becomes mush and he just wants to fuck the shit out of you. It’s Yunho that paces the situation, Mingi finishing all over his own stomach with a high pitched whine and you came all over Yunho’s cock.

[rose-tinted-kalopsia]

i'm so sorry but like actually. i have to come on here for a second and say, with full confidence, that i am more in love with the supporting characters than sylus himself 😭😭 i want them so bad you don't GET IT guys I AM SO 😭 you're hearing this from me first but i need them ARDENTLY 😭😭 idc anymore man i needed to get this out SOMEWHERE 😭😭😭😭

none of you will ever understand how much i fucking squeal everytime they come on screen even their VOICES ARE ADORABLE have you HEARD THEM.

have you SEEN THEM

LIKE JUST

the entire "midnight stealth" story and this scene short-circuited my brain. the entirety of it, and all that it contains. but this. this scene. i get this scene. i get THEM. and i cannot focus on anything else. this is literally the sole most important scene to me i need you to understand that

likejfhsjfhshfjhs stfu can i HAVE THEM... can i 😭 can i just 😭 can i put them in my pocket and just 😭😭😭😭 i thought i was in love enough with jeremiah but this 😭😭😭 this might actually surpass that 😭😭😭😭

i'll go insane 😭😭😭😭

sylus move ASIDEEEEE 😭😭😭

//also lowkey theyre giving crispin and basilio from trese .... iykyk

that is all, thank you for coming to my ted talk

[obae-me]

ive been sick recently, here are some of the fever dreams and various other stupid thoughts ive had;

1. mammon and mc taking beel to the human realm to compete in eating challenges. he gets free food and they get to laugh at the horrified faces of the judges while he demolishes everything and asks for seconds

2. remember the golden age of a/b/o? demons have a higher sense of smell so when mc first arrived, there was a scent blocker in the summoning spell. This fails at some point and now mc has to hide out with solomon or else the brothers will follow them around like they’re the pied piper bc since when did mc smell so good?

3. mc convinving the brothers that humans molt by doing the pva glue thing. solomon is the only one who knows different and absolutely backs them up

4. freaking out the brothers by sleepwalking/talking. mc opening levi’s door in the middle of the night (he’s still awake, rui-chan just dropped a new episode he needs to analyse) and just dead staring at him for several seconds before barking and walking away. he avoids them for days after

5. going to the human realm and bring back a souvenir for diavolo every time. they’re usually the silly things you can buy when you visit tourist areas but they’re held in as high regard as the royal family heirlooms. a small snow globe with a sunglasses wearing gnome inside is displayed next to the royal jewels

6. sampling every different kind of tea with barbatos like a bucket list (chamomile? thumbs up! darjeeling? hates with a burning passion)

7. leaving offerings for the demons/angels out of habit whenever they do something nice. new beauty routine- asmo finds roses in his room. high grade on a paper- satan finds a small cat statuette on top of a pile of books. loaned a listening ear- simeon finds new pens in his writing desk

8. mc being affectionate without realising. humans can be big on physical contact so it’s can be common to kiss or hug regularly. demons are not like this and they short circuit everytime mc kisses their cheeks in thanks or hugs them in greeting

thank you for your time i’m going back to sleep

Oh no! I'm sorry you're sick! Drink tons of fluids and get so much rest!!

1. I bet you Mammon put some money down on him somehow and became absolutely giddy with how much Beel was winning. He would treat him to a buffet afterwards.

2. Ah yes, the wonderful and semi cursed days of a/b/o. I have no doubt that something about their human drives them all crazy.

3. I love love love the thought of MC and Solomon doing things that freak the demons and angels out a bit, mixing real things with fake facts and no one ever knowing what's true or not.

4. What if the brothers all assumed that only Belphie did stuff like that because of his Sin, and so when MC comes around and does similar things, it freaks them out a bit. Again, I love the idea of a human giving all the powerful demons a bit of the jeebies.

5. That is such a cute thing, oh my goodness. Diavolo being obsessed with cheap cliche tourist souvenirs. He's got mugs and shotglasses with different states and countries on them, the fridge in the kitchen has a bunch of magnets of various attractions. He's got several baseball caps he wears around the castle when people aren't around.

6. So sweet! I love the thought of Barbatos having a little notepad and writing notes on their reactions of different teas so he knows exactly what to serve them and when. (I love me a good earl grey myself).

7. As a person who loves giving gifts, this idea is so sweet. It's like a beautiful equivalent of getting a little gold star. They deserve good things, all of them.

8. I think I've done a headcanon of this particular thing (or maybe not, maybe it's just been on my mind before). But yes! Coming up and giving them a hug when they're sad, telling them they love them before hanging up the phone, all things that makes the demons melt instantly, and MC isn't even aware.

Thank you for sharing your dreams!! I love hearing about dreams! Rest up!!

[owlight]

Hello! I read in your bio that requests are open!

I hope I read it right!

I would like to request something ( HC or scenario, your call) with law and smoker, please?

I was thinking about what could the reader do that would make them melt? As in something so cute that they just short circuit?

Thank you! I loved your writting! I am looking forward for more works !

Thank you for requesting,I enjoyed this request 😭💗💗, did a little scenario with each hc,hope u liked it

Tags: Fluff, cute stuff, law love cute things (canon), just fluffy things [:

Headcanon of Trafalgar law, Smoker and what make them melt from Thier partner cuteness

Law

One sunny day aboard the Heart Pirate's submarine, Law and the reader found themselves lounging in the common area, discussing their adventures and sharing laughter. You as always mischievous, decided it was time to have some fun with the usually stoic Law,You noticed the bounty poster of Law hanging nearby and you grabbed it,giving it kisses and making loud noises , knowing it will probably cause law to crack a smile "Hey, Law...such a pretty face you have,I think I fell in love all over again,they took a very nice picture of you this time,not so shrimpy now" You said, trying to hold back a grin. "Have you ever noticed how handsome you look in this wanted poster? I want to hang this in our bedroom " you says with a little playful smile Law raised an eyebrow, approached you while you are holding the the bounty poster, he stands beside you, hoping you would stop acting out if he humored you for now "Look at you,you are so handsome here!" You tell him as you give the posters kisses,Law's eyes widened for a moment, not expecting such playful behavior from you in the open Infront of the other crewmates, you looked so cute like this ,your face looked so adorable whenever you acted playful,and he couldn't hold it anymore,His brain short-circuited for a split second and before he could even think, his hands instinctively reached out and squeezed your cheeks gently "oi, don't go on kissing a poster where I am right here" he mummers , feeling bit flustered for not getting your attention and seeing you giving a damn poster that much kisses-Law's realize he acted without thinking as he feel your soft cheeks between his fingers and seeing your wide eyes,his usual calm and composed demeanor cracked for a brief moment. A faint blush crept up on his cheeks, but he quickly tried to hide it by turning away, letting your cheeks go and titling his hat to cover his eyes"go put that poster back , it's just a picture tsk" he try to dismiss what just happened but it's too late The crew members who happened to witness the scene burst into laughter, delighted to see their captain in such an amusing state "Captain, I've never seen you react like that before! You're blushing!" Shachi and penguin teased in union, Law grumbled, trying to regain his composure and pretending that nothing had happened. "It was just a momentary lapse. Don't make a big deal out of it..." He grumble trying to save himself from everyone teasing But the reader, still cherishing the adorable flustered Law, leaned in and kissed his cheek playfully, causing him to look away, this time with an even deeper blush " aw come on! Law you look so cute right now,come on do it again! I like it when you touch my cheeks~ " Law realized in that moment,he will not be able to live this moment down ever again... probably a new source for everyone to tease him about

He got few weakness and one of them that he loves cute things ,he will not admit it to any living soul though everyone who ever met him will realize this man got a soft spot for cuteness and (unfortunate to him) you are so cute to him in his eyes

Everytime you do something playful or tease him,your cuteness level reach a dangerous level in his eyes that he can't help himself,he have to physically hold himself back from pinching your cheeks or hugging you since he got a reputation to uphold

He once almost had a heart ache fr cuteness when he saw you taking a nap on top of Bepo,that was his moment when he saw heavens gate,he wished he could had a camera to take a picture and hang it in his captain cabin like the size of the wall,but he had to hold himself together and just stocked himself with a small picture he keep tightly with him ,he look at it for Emotional support

He will absolutely melt if you hold any cute animal babies or something cute ,he really love cute plushies so he allow you to buy them and admire them from afar (he have one polar bear one that he favor above the others...)

Law appreciates a good meal specially cute bento boxes though he would never admits it ,so if you ever prepare a bento box with adorable food art – shaped like smiling animals or heart patterns law would coughs his heart out emotionally,he would be trying his best not say it's cute,or act like he is so in love,even if it looked silly or bad,he will eat it up and will try to feed you and he cute (he have a stoic face with a little blush the whole time)

If you wear something cute or wear his hoodies...he will die ,Bepo will grab law soul out and return it back to it's place while law pretend to be grumpy about it ,he will allow you to wear his hat too so you can look extra cute ,he would mummers you look cute to you and only you so you can know he don't mind if you wear more cute things for him

He as a whole ,a very big fan of you and cute things and he consider you cute so anything you do might get him to ER from cute overboard so be careful

Smoker

It's a quiet evening on the deck of Smoker's Marine ship. The two of you have managed to find a moment of solitude away from the prying eyes of the crew. Smoker leans against the railing, his arms crossed, as he watches the moonlight dance on the surface of the sea. You approach him from behind, gently wrapping your arms around him and hugging him, burying your face into his back as you blew few kisses on his back in a playful manner At first, he tenses up slightly, unused to such intimate displays of affection. But as you nuzzle closer and plant a soft kiss on the back of his coat even more, he can feel his defenses crumbling.he tries to suppress the blush that threatens to creep onto his cheeks but he fails miserably " (y/n-n), behave yourself... someone might come and see you" he grumble, trying to pretend to be bothered,but you can see the fact he is smoking up ,his smoke is all heart shaped,betraying his own trying of playing it cool and grumpy and tough, you chuckles at his actions, seeing right through him "You don't have to put up that tough act with me, you know," you whisper, your voice is soft "I know there's a softie hiding under all that smoke" He grumbles at the way you speak,every word you say making him softer and softer,he feel himself melting and it's flustering him to no end because he can't deny the truth in your words, he is a softie... specially for you,your physical affection always make him easily flustered and make him feel like a puddle of love is bubbling inside of him "Nobody else gets to see this side of me," he admits, sounding bit vulnerable in this moment,but he trust you,to not take this as a joke at this moment or tease him about it You respond by tracing circles on his chest with your fingertips, your touch gentle and soothing. "And that's why I feel special," you say, planting a kiss on his back as you pull away "I love seeing your reactions...they are precious to me"

Smoker is not one to openly express affection, but when the you wraps youe arms around him from behind unexpectedly, planting a soft kiss on his cheek, it catches him off guard. His heart races, and he struggles to maintain his usual composure, trying to hide his blush or the fact he smoking heart shaped smokes all over while scolding you if you done it in public

he is truly a sucker for physical affection,you will catch his brain short-circuiting at the spot if you gave him a kiss in public or held his hand ,he enjoys it so much with you, you are the only person he can be truly physically vulnerable and having his guard down

If you ever playfully teases Smoker, or tried poking fun at his gruff mannerisms or calling him by a silly nickname. Layout will see him try to keep up his stern face while the corners of his lips curl into a slight smile ,he allow you to do that of course because you have a great level of ownership of his heart,he sometimes wonder if he created a brat out of you by how much he let you get away with teasing him

Although Smoker may never admit it, being called "Smoky" or something equally endearing by you secretly warms his heart. It's a nickname he'd never accept from anyone else, but when it comes from you, it's just too adorable to resist,he would not admit it even if you held him at gun point though

When you opens up about your hopes and dreams, Smoker can't help but be captivated by your passion and vulnerability. Seeing their determination to achieve their goals ignites a sense of protectiveness in him, and he vows to support you no matter what ,it truly make his heart melt to see you so passionate about your dreams and hopes

Smoker can be quite self-critical, so if you make a point to sincerely compliment him on his achievements, appearance, or character or whatever he does,he will have a short-circuiting moment, Hearing those sweet words from you makes him feel appreciated and loved, causing him to stammer out a bashful thank you and trying to dismiss his bashfulness and pretending he did not become even more down bad for you in that moment

[watchingblsnowandforever]

We Are Ep. 14: Part 2/3

Hello!!! =D

This is Part 2, you can find Part 1 here, and Part 3 here.

This is not that long of a post, it's just fluff and a filler before part 3 and all the scenes that will live in my head rent-free for the rest of forever.

Literally 😭 (see: Peem's portrait of Phum)

Isn't that what besties are for? 👀

My besties tease me to death 😭 and because I get flustered easily they're like 😏

Yep.

Let's be honest here though, Q, Peem has enough dirt on you to win that argument (and he isn't afraid to use it).

I love them so much 😭🫶🏼

"krab"?!!

Seems like Phum is not the only one with an inclination to use polite pronouns with his faen hm

I'm gonna use this as meme faces. Q's for when I'm losing an argument and Peem's for when I'm winning.

Phum was shooting shots long before they became boyfriends, and now that they are, he's gonna loudly let everyone and their pets know that Peem is his.

He will be insufferable, and I am here to cheer him on. <33

Oh, Aunt Pui saw. Good news though, Auntie, they're not friends.

As I said, Phum will never hold back on PDA, and we all know Peem enjoys it no matter how much he swats at Phum like a fly. (If he didn't, he definitely would walk away and tell Phum that.)

I am saving these as reaction images. 😌👍🏼

Poor Phum 😭

I could just hear the steam coming out of his ears- oh wait, that was actually playing in the background, along with sad puppy noises. GMMTV really went all out with the sound effects 😭👍🏼

This scene got me.

Even in the trailer this made me short circuit, but the actual scene was so much more. There was so much love, from both of them.

Phum inviting himself, but still asking Peem to ask him "nicely", and Peem going all out with it (KHUN FAEN??) it's all just *chef's kiss*

Spotted: one smitten boy, and his exasperated boyfriend.

Aunt Pui really said "You have the house all to yourself, make good use of it" 😭👍🏼

Somehow, this was the scene that made me feel the most single.

Do you know how many times I've dreamed of coming home to/with someone on days I can't keep my eyes open anymore?!! I don't live alone rn, but this is about when I Grow Up™ so sh.

i'm so fond of TanFang, y'all. I love PhumPeem and they make go crazy on the daily, but TanFang is the soft edges without which the picture would be incomplete; they're like setlling back and just realxing after the high-tension shit going on with all the rest of the couples.

CHAINPUN!!!

Everytime they appear on my screen, I'm guaranteed to be smiling so wide. They deserve so much more screentime. I love them. <33

That's it for Part 2! The next post will be up soon hopefully.

If you got this far, thank you so much for reading! 😊

Here, have a hotdog 🌭

[drbased]

Some 'tugs' I have felt this afternoon, since I had a short-circuit and had to spend the day in bed with take-away in order to detox from obligation:

everytime I hear birds outside: I should go outside. People say that being outside is healthy. It's a nice day outside and going outside will make me feel better. It's Objectively Good and Healthy to go outside

everytime I write a tumblr post: I should check this post for typos. Maybe I shouldn't post it at all, maybe I should wait for a while to see if it's Right for me to post it. Since I am writing on important topics of mental health on a public platform, I have an Obligation to be morally conscious for other people.

everytime I feel embarrassed for spending so long in bed: I should move around a bit. People say that moving is healthy. It's Objectively Good and Healthy to walk around.

Do you see how powerful these tugs are? Every single one of them is deeply powerful because they're all Correct Statements that feel impossible to argue with. This is how the PDA and the depression manifest together in an intricate dance. If I wasn't aware of those tugs, they would continue to pull at me, reminding me of what a failure I am for not doing the objectively healthy, logical and moral things. By not recognising them as facets of my mind, as actions with consequences that I value, I end up percieving them external to me, as Objective Facts that exist in the ether, as real and material as the air I'm breathing. Yes it is 'healthy' of me to walk, it is 'healthy' of me to go outside, it is 'moral' of me to consider other people when I'm writing. But I cannot be everything for everyone, myself included, I cannot do everything right all of the time - and besides, I've learned the hard way that you cannot make someone want something, and this is as much a facet of interpersonal as it is intrapersonal relationships. And clearly, if the tugs haven't changed my mind, then simply knowing that it's 'healthy, logical and moral' to do these things hasn't made me want to do them.

if I had ignored all of this, I would have lost the ability to understand and appreciate that I actually do value being healthy, I value being moral, I value being logically consistent - the tugs are not simply a burden I bear but rather a result of me being a conscientious and caring person. I would have lost an opportunity to take myself seriously and recognise my own point of view. And I still would have sat in bed all day anyway, and instead of appreciating that this is a choice I'm making because of xyz factors, all my choices would have been suppressed and covered with a layer of embarrasment and shame - it would have been a depressive episode, and I would have felt miserable, lost and scared. Instead of the tugs being something coming from me that I value and simply chose not to act on, they would have become something I can use to beat myself up about - because of course, if on this occasion I can't even bring myself to do something as basic as going on a walk, that must mean I can never do anything healthy for myself ever, and I am a failure, and life isn't worth it anyway, what's the point in it all if I can't get it all right, I should kill myself.

It was such a bizarre realisation for me that I can actually take myself seriously - I can take my sadness seriously, I can take my seemingly irrational wants seriously, I can take the tugs seriously - they're all valuable facets of me, both good and bad, and they all paint a picture of who I am and what I value. What I'm essentially doing here is having a 'depressive episode' without the depressive parts. Instead of my depression being this big mystery ailment that has some nebulous control over me, I understand and engage with its mechanics, and as such understand who I am. I recognise the tugs, and I see their value, and I still say 'I'm not going to do that right now, because I want to choose this option instead, explicitly because I'm avoiding obligation - because that's what I would have done anyway, I'm just now accepting that that's what I was going to do and I refuse to pathologise it. This is who I am, and the moment I decide to go for a walk it will be for the same reason that I'm sitting now: because I wanted to do it.

I bring all this up because I wanted to illustrate the fact that the 'tugs' are so powerfully moral and logical. They're so hard to argue against, and that's precisely what makes them so good as obligations. But I had to realise that these 'obligations' do not sit in the ether, and that my perception of them is not pure - terms such as 'healthy', 'moral' and 'logical' are absolutely loaded with implications outside the purity of what they suggest. Their nature as adjectives seems to demand some sense of objectivity, as if something is universally 'healthy' (see: discourse around certain foods being 'healthier' than others), or 'moral' (see: trolley problem), or 'logical' (see: well, basically the complex web of factors that make up human existence). And besides, even if there were some sense of true objectivity in these adjectives that exists outside of human construction, that doesn't mean I'm in any way obligated to do them. Most people aren't healthy, moral or logical all the time: I'm holding myself to such absurd standards that I crash so easily; they're not sustainable. And even if they were sustainable, ultimately this is my life and therefore my prerogative to do what I want. You could call me sitting here some sort of pathology if you want - but I recognise this as a choice I made, and I am much happier about this choice than I would have been if I had a depressive episode. And that's all that matters to me.

[thefoundationproject]

Re Read Wholly Unprofessional again.

First of all never getting over Bacara and Rex. I Love Love. It's so funny because Rex we expect to be So Much, but when Bacara RESPONDS!? Truly two idiots in love lol. Thinking about them all giggly smiley composing their love letters to eachother Tactical Insight Reports For The Benefit Of The GAR 🫡. Bly helping Rex because that's his baby brother and Bly is a romantic at heart. Feel like Aayla would agree.

Kot to Cody and Doom and Fox and all the others who have to witness it all though. Tbf Cody did it to himself soo.

Also Ow at Forwards Someone Hug Them 💔

Second of all LMAO Ponds is going through IT

Priority Response

Ponds: I don’t quite remember ASKING YOUR OPINION Commander Bacara.

and,

Priority Response

Neyo: The IMPORTANT question here is: where can I get myself a hot little Captain sidearm to impress with my kill count. I’m asking for me.

Priority Response

Ponds: Excuse me, what.

Vod'ika Defilers and Vod'ika Defiler Enablers Oh My!

The relazation for Ponds that Cody KNEW! 17 KNEW! NEYO KNEW!Traitors all! Ponds' Less Favorite Vode List getting crowded. At this point I see him going down the list of all the people who could've known putting a little :( Just for future refrence.... Casually asking some CC like hey weren't you on the same ARC training range....?

But VAUGHN MY BABY!!!

Lol at Neyos What? x 5. He fully short circuited. He Was Kidding Rex! It Was A JOKE REX! How dare you call him out?

Imagine Vaughn starts messaging him, sparkle, sunshine and all. And Everytime Neyo is trying! so! hard! to be Cool Suave Spy. And Everytime Vaughn gets him all spluttering blushing kicking feet.

And he's like "This time I'll catch him off guard HE won't know what to with HIMSELF". Writing The Perfect Message only for Vaughn to answer in .2 seconds with something that has Neyo screaming into his pillow. How does he do it?!

Vaughn sitting there watching the Neyo is writing... begin and stop endlessly. Grinning like a fool so excited to talk to him about anything and everything and nothing but Neyo is so careful and feeling emotion(s), so he needs timeee. So Vaughn waits with anticipation. Turns out they're talking about the newest change to some obscure tiny blaster part or something lol. But The Subtext Potential....

(Wasn't one of the like three canon things about Neyo that he and Bacara worked on some speeder tactics or something? Imagine Vaughn compliments those and gives feedback. Neyo is so impressed but oh no feelings catching!?!)

Sorry for The Wall but it's such a ride every time i read your fics again, it's like it's the first time! Always something new to appreciate. Thank you❤️

Hello!!! Thank you very kindly! Everyone expects Rex to be a shebs about things but no one expects it from Bacara. So no one suspects it coming and Bacara can just roll up and drop the shebsiest moment and stroll away. That first moment when one sees a message and realizes 'oh this isn't JUST am update' .... my heart, it's exploded. I squee for them. So very much.

Bly is not the brother that would hide a body for you. Bly would supervise the body hiding and tell you what you're doing wrong that wpuld get you caught, because the best way to learn is by doing it yourself. A+ brothering, in my opinion. He’s also naturally ride or die. Because Rex IS still his baby brother. Also 2.0 .... it's really funny watching "Cody is typing" and imaging how that annoyed eye twitch of his is going. Very entertaining.

At some point in the future, the very distant future, long after even the most paranoid have stopped anticipating it, Ponds will attack. And everyone will RUE THIS DAY. Including Wolffe who by necessity will just have to be caught in the splash damage. Ponds feels bad, really he does, just so dreadfully awful, but he couldn't risk the others being alerted. So some Wolffes had to be collateral damage and that was just a sacrifice Ponds was willing to make. As for getting Neyo, well Fox is already In Too Deep in the Edee prank war, it would be incredibly simple for Ponds to hide his plots behind Fox's misdeeds. Ponds knows how to play the excruciatingly long game but then he hits everyone all at once. He's sitting in his observation room surrounded by screens, cackling while Fox finally understands the true depth of Ponds' deviousness. Truly terrifying.

I imagine that at this point Rex at least somewhat knows Neyo. Well enough to say 'MY TIME HAS COME'. I'm entirely sure he's been plotting how to socialize/distract the in-law and all of a sudden the perfectest opportunity presented itself. And what is Torrent if not opportunistic? Vaughn is starlight and sunshine and whiskers on kittens and it's endlessly amusing to me to throw him at Neyo and say "catch". 🤣

Thank you so very much!!!!!

[leviackermanscleaningbuddy]

Listen we do not talk about the fact that Jisung probably is in scrubs at least two times a week for clinicals. Firstly we all know boy would look so cute and also they would fit him so well( I have a feeling Minho insists on him getting jogger bottoms because in his words it’ll be better for mobility but we all know it’s so we can see the tush)

Also ever our little horndog, he ready whenever. So imagine the shock on his face when Noona or Felix start flirting with “dr. Jisung”. Boy would short circuit before jumping into the role play. Those are the two that have really embraced the role play version, everyone just loves the joke of it.

Until Minho sprains an ankle one night and lets Han wrap it. So while he’s crouched down he lays it on thick.

Minho: Dr, while you’re here I wanted to ask you about something. Everytime I see you in those scrubs I get some swelling in some sensitive places. Would you mind checking it out for me?

Nikki

STOP NIKKI STOP RIGHT THERE

Because first off, scrubs were made for slutty little waists, and we all know no one has a more of a slutty little waist than HAN JISUNG.

(give me a minute. Gotta salivate over that thought.)

OKAY IM BACK.

Minho would absolutely secretly LOVE roleplay and I stand by this. Especially when it involves Jisung or brat line. He would *eat up* the chance to act like he's not in charge in a situation, even though he would actually have control the entire time.

Like giving deference to Jisung as the "doctor."

Minho's all like, "Dr. Han, I need an emergency appointment."

And Jisung's like, "Hyung......I'm a vet tech. I take care of animals. You know I'm not *that* kind of doctor right?"

And Minho goes, "I can bring my cat in if you want. But we all know, you're gonna be examining me." 😏

Jisung: *sigh* "Fine. Come into my office."

[banannabethchase]

Matt meets up with a possible client at his Christmas Tree farm on a cold January day. He'll beat the storm to get home on time. Or will he get stuck in a Hallmark movie?

~

This started by me and Sarah cracking jokes about Matt being Adam's sugar daddy back in the ROH days and him buying Adam a chainsaw, and then it spiraled and this...happened? I dunno it's 98% tropes and 2% Matt saying the word Lumberjack in the horniest voice ever. Enjoy.

Mini playlist (it's a Hallmark style fic, I'm giving it a Hallmark style playlist): Last First Kiss - One Direction You and Me - Lifehouse Everytime We Touch (Yanou's Candlelight Mix) - Cascada Wait a Minute - Sub-Radio

~

Matt adjusts his tie as he parks, the lack of traffic causing him to be over half an hour early. The charming office is surrounded by stumps and smaller pine trees, and it’s easy to imagine what it would have looked like a month or two ago: Page’s Tree Farm, full of pine trees the perfect height to settle in the living room for the holidays. Truly, the place is as quaint as he could have possibly imagined. Matt makes sure his car’s windows are rolled up and wraps his coat tightly around himself. The forecast said the storm was going to be big, but he’s lived in the Midwest for almost a year now. Sure, California doesn’t see any snow, but he saw some back in March of the previous year. He’ll be out of here before it even starts.

He walks up the path, but the door to the shop and office area appears closed. He pulls on it – locked.

“Damn it,” he mutters, adjusting his scarf up around his ears. The temperature is dropping faster than he expected. “Mr. Page?” he calls, peeking around the sides of the small building. “Mr. Page? Anybody?”

The sun disappears behind thick, grey clouds, and Matt makes his way around the sides of the office to see an open path. He’s torn between deciding if it’s a creepy murder path or a charming woodland paradise. For his own peace of mind, he decides on the latter.

As he steps over a few snow piles, he hears some sort of rhythmic thudding from the woods, and he follows it. “Mr. Page?”

The thudding continues, and Matt reaches a clearing in the area. And feels his entire brain short circuit and fall out of his ass. Matt stares as Mr. Page – it’s gotta be him, Matt recognizes those curls from the photo on the website – swings an axe up and crushes it down on a felled, dry, Christmas tree, cutting clean through it. Like it’s nothing.

Matt is suddenly incredibly overheated in his peacoat, dress pants way too fucking tight. He needs to say something. Needs to call out to him. It’s only polite to announce your presence, right? His mother would be so disappointed. He just stares. Not a single hello or how are you. He’s a sham of a good California boy.

He’s finally jolted out of it when Page lets out this incredible grunt – manful is the only word Matt can come up with to describe it – as he swings down on the thickest part of the trunk.

Stupid tight work pants, but also thank god for the tight work pants.

Matt clears his throat. “Excuse me.”

Mr. Page finally looks up, tossing the blonde curls over his head like a damned swimsuit model in plaid and jeans. “Oh!” He lights up, smile on his face. “Hi. Sorry, didn’t see you there. Are you Mr. Jackson?”

Matt nods, and deliberately doesn’t add, if you’re nasty, because he’s a good man on a business trip and whatever the eff is going on in his pants is completely external to this situation. “Glad to finally meet you in person.” He walks over to Page, sticks out his hand. “You can call me Matt.”

“Matt,” he says, and the goddamn lumberjack of a man has a lumberjack of a handshake, too. His hands are big. Matt is screwed, and not in the way he wants. “You can call me Adam.” He gestures to the stacks of cut wood all around him. “As you can see, I’m in desperate need of your services.”

Matt lets out the most pathetic little whine at the back of his throat, because God and everyone else is trying to kill him right now. “Yeah. I, uh. Chainsaws and other tools.” Matt winces. He’s not making it any easier on himself. “That’s my specialty.” He’s okay with dying now. He’s supposed to be the put together adult here. He’s got years of experience selling things people don’t need, brokering deals with bigger companies to get their investments without losing his and Nick’s majority share of the company. He’s convinced big shot lumber companies to choose his product over that of the leading major business.

And here he is, pitching half a tent in his nicest suit pants over a guy who looks like he could carry him bridal style into a firelit log cabin and fuck him within an inch of sanity. He’s a terrible businessman.

“Perfect,” Adam says. Even his smile is sexy. This doesn’t feel fair. “I got a good group of people working for me, see, but it’s a small town, and they, uh. They’re all characters.” Adam laughs, running a hand through his hair, pushing the few curls that had fallen to across his eyes out of his face. “We’ve busted eight chainsaws in a season. Which is quadruple what I’m used to breaking in a full year.” Matt winces, and he hopes it looks sympathetic. “So I’m looking to invest in a relatively large order.”

Matt nods, back in his game. “Right. And we at Jackson and Jackson are happy to provide you a bulk discount.” He smiles. “We’re always glad to be chosen over the big chains.”

“Well, I sure as hell wasn’t going to Home Depot,” Adam says, laughing. Matt puts that detail in his back pocket. “Plus, small businesses have to support each other, right?”

“Glad to be your first choice,” Matt replies.

Adam’s smile gets a little sheepish. “Sort of. You guys called me back before the Lowe’s rep.”

“I can’t fault you for going with the most timely,” Matt says, taking the time to feel smug, because he deserves to be. Punctuality is his greatest virtue. His only one, if the way he can’t stop thinking about what those hands can do has anything to say about it.

“I got a bunch of old Christmas trees to turn into firewood for the local shelters,” Adam says. “I have people donate them here when they’re done with ‘em, so we can break the trees down and turn them into something useful. But it takes about three times as long without the chainsaws.” He gestures to the pile of trees in the corner that Matt is just now noticing. “They rot quick, though. How soon can you get the saws to me?”

Matt resists a sigh. Of course he’s a humanitarian. Of course he puts his personal time and resources into helping others. Because this isn’t stupidly Hallmark enough. “Let’s workshop that in your office. It’s uh,” he gestures behind him, “it’s beginning to snow.”

Adam looks up, frowning. A few snowflakes flutter perfectly onto his hair. “Huh. You’re right. Didn’t even notice how cold it got.” He swings the ax like a stupid movie character, catching it in his hand. “I always forget how much more energy it takes to cut wood with this.

“Well, that’s a problem I’m here to solve.” Matt shoots him his best smile, because if Adam’s going to be hot, he will be too, damn it. “Let’s go crunch some numbers.”

~

It takes longer than Matt expects, because Adam is good. He haggles and suggests and flirts just enough to make it work appropriate, and, infuriatingly, makes some really good points. It takes two hours to narrow down a deal that gives them both what they want. Matt wrangles an advertisement in Adam’s main hallway and a recommendation for Jackson and Jackson on the website. Adam gets 15% additional chainsaws for free in their five-deal agreement, but he throws in a smile, so Matt sort of considers it a win for himself, really.

“Well, if you’ll sign here,” Matt says, spreading out the paperwork Adam had printed from his own office computer, “we can get it all ironed out. I’ll scan it and send it to my brother, Nick, and he can fax or scan you a copy of the finalized documents by tomorrow morning.”

“Great!” Adam says. “I mean, if the power stays on.” He glances out the window. It’s practically a sheet of white outside. Matt feels himself start to panic, just a little bit. “Oh, shit. That storm came earlier and harder than we thought.”

It takes everything in Matt’s power not to make a wildly inappropriate comment at that. “I’ll be fine.”

“Like hell you will,” Adam says, and it’s forceful but not unkind. “You been out in weather like that? I’ll be surprised if you can get your tiny ass sedan out of the parking spot!”

“I’ll be fine,” Matt says, rolling his eyes.

He is, he finds, decidedly not fine. The car turns on, but even with Adam digging out the wheels, the snow has practically locked him in the space. “Well,” Matt says, stepping out of the car and brushing snow out of his hair. “This sucks.”

Adam shrugs. “Maybe it’ll let up early since the storm started early.” He gestures to the office. “Come on. It’s cold out here. I’ll light the fire and we can hopefully wait it out until the storm calms down.”

Matt pauses for a minute. He’s got the deal done. He did his job. He wants to leave this place and let himself have the inappropriate fantasies of what he wants this man to do to him happen in the privacy of his own goddamn home. But he’s got literally no alternative.

“Alright,” Matt says. “Yeah.” He rubs his hands together.

“You want a whiskey or something when we get inside?” Adam asks.

Matt shakes his head, distracted at the way that Adam walks next to him so closely. With the setting sun and the oranges spreading across the snow, the shadows strike him in ways Matt couldn’t have imagined. He swallows. He’ll stay focused. He’ll stay professional.

Matt and Adam walk into something like a back room behind the store and the offices, something much more cozy and personal. Matt takes in the children’s paintings on the walls, the pictures of dogs and a group of friends on the bookshelves. He reads the titles; everything from Rick Riordan to the Marquis de Sade to Ta-Nehisi Coates. It’s full of strange shelfmates, things Matt would have never thought to put together. He reaches out, unable to resist tracing the spine of a clearly well-loved copy of The Iliad.

“Yeah, sorry,” Adam says. “My stuff doesn’t all fit in my apartment, so my bookshelf has made its way down here over the years.”

Matt nods, not really hearing. He takes in all the titles until he finds himself seated on a big, comfy armchair with a hideous pattern. “It’s lovely,” he says, almost too quietly.

“Thanks.” Adam’s voice is quiet, gentle, soft.

Adam lights a fire with some of the logs he’d cut earlier that day, which Matt manages to convince himself not to get a boner about, and the two of them chat mindlessly as reruns of How I Met Your Mother play in the background. The snow doesn’t let up, they exchange mentioning. The sun sets and the room gets a few degrees colder, but Matt doesn’t mention it, just leans closer to the fire. It’s just a coincidence that it means he leans closer to Adam, too.

They’re halfway through singing along to a Robin Sparkles episode when the TV shuts off and the lights flicker once, twice, and go off.

Adam sighs somewhere in the darkness. “Well, fuck. I was hoping we’d avoid that this storm.” Matt hears rustling. “Give me a few minutes. I’m going to go check the breaker box.”

“You good out there?”

Adam’s laugh is better than any music Matt’s ever heard. “I got this. Done it a hundred times.”

Matt wants to argue that, duh, he knows Adam can handle it, but Matt wants to be of some kind of help. Adam’s out the door before he can explain that, though, so he gives in to his basest impulses and goes too close to the fire, just to get a little warmer.

“Power’s out,” Adam says, walking back in with a flashlight and a gust of wind. There’s snowflakes tangled in his hair. Matt wants to brush them out for him. “Snow’s halfway up the door to your car, too. Sorry, Matt. Looks like you’re stuck here.”

“Oh, no,” Matt argues. “I couldn’t impose.”

Adam laughs, something rumbling and joyful that sends shivers through Matt’s body. “God, you city kids are cute. Nah, baby, nobody’s getting out of here until maybe noon tomorrow, at the earliest.”

Matt squirms at the pet name, unsure he’s deserved it but addicted to the way it sounds out of Adam’s mouth already. “How are you getting home then?”

Adam points upwards. “The stairs. I live on the second story of the business. Makes it easy to take care of everything.”

Matt blinks. “Oh. Well that sounds convenient.”

“It is.” Adam takes Matt in, looking him up and down in a way that gives Matt goosebumps. “You gonna be comfortable in that suit overnight?”

Matt looks down at himself. While immaculately tailored, Matt’s gotten hives just from sitting in the comfiest of office chairs for too long in these pants. “Um.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Adam says. “Come with me. You can borrow pajamas. I’m sure they’ll be a little big on you, ‘cause you’re so short -”

“Hey!”

Adam shoots him a grin. “Despite your vertical challenges, they should work well enough.”

About ten minutes later, Matt finds himself in Adam’s bathroom, in Adam’s apartment, looking like an absolute buffoon. He’s wearing a Dolly Parton t-shirt and it fits okay around his arms, but it’s a little long. That’s not the problem, though. Adam was right – the pajama pants drag on the floor. They catch under his feet as he shuffles around while he brushes with the dollar store toothbrush Adam found under a giant box of Lysol wipes he’d gotten back in June of 2020. He tries to make his beard and hair look at least partway presentable, then pauses, because he doesn’t know why he’s so nervous to leave the bathroom.

He's making sure his half up top knot is angled right, because reasons, when the flashlight flickers once, twice. Then goes out.

“You okay, Matt?” comes Adam’s voice from somewhere in the upstairs apartment. “I think your flashlight went out.”

“I can see that,” Matt calls back. He feels around for the doorknob, and does his best to shuffle out the door. Unfortunately, he trips over the pants and crashes into something sturdy and warm.

“Hey,” Adam chuckles, grabbing him by the biceps and hauling him back up. “You okay?”

Matt’s suddenly delighted for the darkness, with the way his cheeks are burning. “I’m good,” he says, and he hates that his voice sounds a little fluttery. “Unfortunately you were right about the pants.”

“I’m right about a lot of things.” He places his hands on Matt’s shoulders. Matt thinks it must have been accidental, the way Adam brushes some of his hair off of his shoulders and rests his fingertips against the side of Matt’s neck. “I, uh, you wait here. I’m going to grab some more flashlights and light some candles, okay?”

Matt nods, forgetting it’s dark. “Oh, yeah. Course.” Fuck his weakness for people playing with his hair, even when it’s an accident.

He hears rustling again, a little crashing, then sees a light beam cross across the room until it settles on him. He feels too seen, examined.

“There you are,” Adam says, voice warm. “Here, this one’s yours. We probably want to go back downstairs so we can keep an eye on the fire. Don’t want to burn the building down.”

“Oh, definitely not,” Matt says. “That would be, like, the worst business deal in history.”

Adam laughs somewhere in the room, and another light flashes on. “Alright, help me carry these candles downstairs. We’ll set them up around the place. Just nothing too close to the books, okay?”

“Oh, sure, the big city boy’s too stupid for fire safety,” Matt cracks, shooting a grin at Adam as they make their way, carefully on Matt’s part, down the stairs. “I can do some things right.”

“You sure can cut a deal,” Adam says. He sets a candle on the bottom step of the stairs once Matt is out of the way. “You haggle like the grandmothers who show up here demanding a discount because of a dead tree branch.”

“I think I’d agree with them,” Matt says, lighting a candle on a dresser, far from the photo of a strange little man in an elf costume. “There should be at least a five percent discount for a defective limb.”

“How dare you!” Adam argues. He glows oranges and reds by the light of the candle in his hands. “That’s my home grown product!”

“If it’s diseased, it needs a discount,” Matt replies. He relishes the way Adam’s jaw drops in horror, the little smile in his eyes that he fights to show on his lips

“You come into my house,” Adam says, voice dangerously dark but eyes still sparkling, “on the day of a fucking discount chainsaw deal and a snow storm…the bit failed, but you get where I’m going.”

Matt legitimately throws his head back, laughing, falling back against the couch. He feels Adam slide toward him, just a little.

“You want a drink or something?” Adam asks. He sounds a little – there’s something in his voice. Something Matt wants to hear more of.

“Oh, I don’t really drink,” Matt starts, but, as he watches Adam’s face fall, “but I’ll take, like, a ginger ale.”

“I got ginger ale!” Adam says. He’s almost eager as he leaps up and darts across the apartment to the kitchen. Matt can see only a sliver of him as he hears the fridge open. “Oh, and, uh, well, I have leftover pizza. You’ve got to be hungry.”

Matt is, a little bit. “What kind?”

“Pepperoni,” Adam calls. Matt leans to see Adam, butt sticking out, face first in the fridge. It’s a good view.

“Perfect.”

They eat quietly, both of them watching the fire flicker. Matt hasn’t had pizza this good since this little Italian place he grew up with back in California. It doesn’t help the situation that the pizza’s cold, though, and he begins to shiver once he’s done.

“You cold?”

Matt nods, admitting defeat.

“We can get a little closer to the fire, if you want,” Adam says. “Sit on the floor.”

Matt drops to the floor and scoots on his knees over in front of the fire. The blaze hits him like a wall, and he half falls over.

“See, okay, I said on the floor, not in the fire.” Matt can practically feel the laughter in Adam’s voice.

“Oh, shut up,” Matt giggles, reaching out and smacking Adam’s arm. He doesn’t miss the way Adam licks his lips at the touch, and he decides, in that moment, to up his game. What happens in a log cabin in a snow storm stays in a log cabin in a snow storm, right? “Do you have a generator or anything? I’m starting to get bored.”

“What, I’m not enough entertainment?”

“I mean, I’m sure you are,” Matt says, trying not to let on that Adam’s fallen right in his web like a sexy little fly, “but, I mean, TV?”

“No generator,” Adam says. “I’ve got Clue, though.”

“Can’t play that with two people,” Matt says, shaking his head. “Plus, I’d annihilate you. It wouldn’t even be merciful.”

Adam scoffs. “Please. I’d win with ease.”

“Well, next time we get stuck in a snowstorm with a third person, I’ll take you up on that.” He peeks over Adam’s shoulder, trying to figure out where Adam may keep the games. “What else you got?”

“Life?”

Matt rolls his eyes. “That game is boring.”

Adam blinks. “Life is boring?”

“I’m sorry, if I wanted to rehash my early twenties, I’d be in southern California right now,” Matt says with another hair toss. “Pass.”

Adam shrugs, taking a sip of his ginger ale. Matt mirrors him before he even realizes he’s doing it. “Uh. I have cards?”

Go Fish is more boring than staring at fire, they discover, and they set it aside after the third game that Matt wins.

“Alright, we’re – we’re out of ideas.” Matt sighs. “What could we possibly do…” He trails off, a little too smug about the way Adam’s eyes follow every move he makes. He taps his finger on his bottom lip, twists a little, stretches out in front of the fire. “Truth or dare,” Matt finally says after his little show.

Adam, who had definitely been staring, shakes his head. “Huh?”

“Truth or dare,” Matt asks again. “It’s the only option left.”

“Dare.”

Matt grins. “I dare you to go outside and put your bare ass in the snow.”

“Child’s play.” To Matt’s surprise, Adam stands up and walks out the door before Matt even gets a chance to stand up. He manages to get to the door by the time Adam plops down in the snow. “Easy. This is shit I did in middle school. Up your game, Jackson.”

“Fine. Truth or – ”

“Oh, no,” Adam says, standing. He looks way too smug for a guy who just had his pants down and his ass in the snow. “It’s my turn. You know how to play truth or dare, right?”

Matt rolls his eyes. “Ugh. Fine. Truth.”

“Who’s the worst customer you’ve ever had?”

“Oh, easy!” Matt launches into the story of Brecken Callahan, an absolute dickwad who tried to shit talk Jackson and Jackson, then tried to demand Matt let him in on investing in the business.

Adam follows the story intently, eyes flickering from Matt’s wildly gesturing hands to his lips.

“Okay, now you, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

Matt senses an opening. “Are you gay? Straight? Bi?”

Adam’s smile is slow, dirty, delicious. “I’m bi. Truth or dare?”

“Truth?”

Adam leans in a little closer to Matt. “How many people have you fucked?”

Matt tilts his head, counting on his fingers. He hopes the blush creeping across his body isn’t too visible in the firelight. “Eight. Ten, if you count blowjobs.”

“Of course I count blowjobs.”

“Then ten.” He stretches his arms above his head, tilting his head back, exposing his throat. When he opens his eyes again, Adam’s mouth is hanging open. Works every time. “Truth or dare, lumberjack?”

“Lumberjack?”

Matt raises an eyebrow as he plays with the ends of his hair. “Am I wrong?”

Adam opens and closes his mouth, then sighs in defeat. “Yeah, fine. Truth.”

“How many people have you – have you slept with?”

“Six,” Adam answers, automatically. “Truth or dare?”

They’ve moved closer to each other, the chill in the room gone for the heat between them. Matt’s practically touching Adam now. He’s ready to go in for the kill. Matt swallows. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” Adam says, eyes locked on Matt’s.

“Are you hard right now?”

Adam’s eyes widen with shock, the shadows from the candles and firelight reflecting off of them, then they settle. His smile is slow, dancing across the face like the light. “Why don’t you see for yourself?”

It’s as good an invitation that Matt thinks he’s going to get. Reaching out to rest a hand on Adam’s thigh is easier than it should be. Adam leans back against the couch, opening himself up to Matt a little bit, all guards down. Matt can see it, now, the thick outline in the grey sweatpants. “That’s, uh. That’s a yes.”

Adam lets out a low laugh. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Matt nearly whispers, so close to Adam it feels magnetic. He doesn’t lean in, though. That’s not how the game works.

“I don’t gotta tell you what I want you to do.” Adam tilts his head up and kisses Matt, threading his fingers through his hair and pulling down against Adam’s body. Matt melts into the touch, crawling into Adam’s lap, throwing a leg over Adam’s hips. Adam takes the opportunity to slide a hand into Matt’s sweatpants, grabbing a handful of his ass. Matt presses against Adam, mouth opening against his, and he almost collapses against Adam’s chest as Adam licks into his mouth.

Matt gets a little dizzy with it, but he gives as good as he gets, running his hands up the front of Adam’s shirt and yanking it up. He hates that he has to pull away from Adam’s mouth, where the taste of ginger ale still lingers, to get the shirt off. Adam laughs as he struggles to get it over his head.

“Truth or dare,” Adam says, shirtless, glowing like Apollo in the orange sparks of the fire. “Works every time.”

“This was my idea.”

Adam laughs, biting at Matt’s throat. Matt hopes it bruises like proof. “I’m the one who said I didn’t have any other board games.”

Matt’s responding laugh is cut off as Adam sucks, hard. There’s going to be a mark, alright. “You try this on all the boys?” Matt asks, leaning down to trail kisses along Adam’s jaw.

“Only the pretty ones,” Adam replies. He slides his hands up the back of Matt’s shirt. “I fucked up when I gave you my clothes. I made my own kryptonite.”

“Effing nerd,” Matt laughs, but rewards Adam with a sucking kiss to the neck. Adam’s hips seem to twitch up outside of his control, a little gasp coming out of his mouth. Matt chases is as it skates off of Adam’s tongue, falling back against Adam like he was built to be there. His hands are so goddamn big as they splay across Matt’s back, as they push the shirt – Adam’s shirt, god – up and over. Matt pulls back so Adam can pull it over his head. His eyes skate across Matt’s chest.

“Fuck, you’re ripped,” Adam murmurs, and he leans in, biting at Matt’s collarbone, down his chest, at a pec. Matt squirms against it, desperate to get closer while also getting more naked. Adam grabs at Matt’s biceps. Matt flexes a little, because he’s always been a bit of a showoff, and Adam lets out this half-hysterical little laugh.

“What?”

“Your biceps are the size of your head,” Adam says, sounding a little dazed. “You could probably, like, bench press me.”

Matt shrugs. “I’ve been working on building muscle.”

Adam laughs again, eyes glazing over. “God, I’m glad you were the consult on those fucking chainsaws.”

“Me, too.”

They fumble against each other until Adam gives up and hauls them both to their feet. They twirl around each other like it’s choreographed as they move up the stairs into Adam’s apartment, Adam catching Matt every time he nearly stumbles on the pajama pants. Matt is suddenly consumed by the smell, touch, feel of Adam all around him. He wants to drown in it, wants it to pull him under.

“What do you want?” he asks Adam, willing to give him whatever the answer is.

“You,” Adam murmurs. His lips burn a trail along Matt’s jaw. “All of you.”

“But specifically,” Matt asks, voice broken off into a bit of a moan as Adam’s hands go for his ass again.

“Wanna get inside you,” Adam says, and it’s enough of a growl that Matt gets a little weak kneed. Adam takes advantage of it, pulling Matt’s legs out from under him so his back falls to the bed. He’s miserable, for just a second, until Adam covers him again, that long, strong body on top of him, pressing him into the mattress.

He won’t hold himself responsible for the moan that comes out of his mouth, but Adam hears it, laughs against Matt’s throat. “You good?”

“Yeah, inside me, good,” Matt babbles. “Now?”

“Wait, baby,” Adam says, and it’s the pet name again, and Matt’s a fucking mess. Adam pushes the pajama pants down and off of him. He’s hit with a wave of chill until Adam’s hands are back on him, manhandling him to where Adam wants him on the bed. Matt rolls over at the touch, pliant, malleable, and all he wants is those hands everywhere.

“Can I…?” Adam asks, massaging Matt’s ass.

“Yeah, please,” Matt says.

“You’re so much politer in bed than in business,” Adam says, but he leans down to nip at the back of Matt’s neck, so he doesn’t really have the mind space to respond. There’s a few infuriating moments where Adam’s hands are nowhere near Matt, but he comes back soon enough. Adam’s finger is already coated with lube, slick as it glides between Matt’s cheeks and teases around his hole. Matt pushes back against it, and is rewarded when Adam gently rests his hand on his lower back. “I’ll give you whatever you want,” Adam murmurs. “You just gotta ask.”

“I want you in me,” Matt whines, and he’s not proud of it, he isn’t, but he doesn’t have control of it in them moment.

Adam laughs, low and tantalizing and –

Matt lets out a slow exhale as Adam slowly presses his finger in, so gentle, so hesitant. “You can go faster,” Matt practically begs.

“See, that’s what I wanted to hear,” Adam says, sounding far too put together in the moment. He moves just the way Matt wants it, rougher and faster, and Matt can’t help but press back against it.

“Jesus,” Adam says, “wouldn’t have expected this.”

“Why not?” Matt gasps as Adam teases at adding another finger. “You expect me to be a boring lay or something?”

Adam hums, sliding another finger inside of Matt like it’s nothing. “I just expect the people who come to my tree farm to, you know,” he laughs as Matt gasps at the twists of his fingers, “not be so good at taking my fingers."

Matt keens as he pushes back on Adam’s fingers. “Hope I’m not too much for you to handle.” He looks behind him to see Adam with a positively hungry look on his face. Before he knows it, Adam flips him on his back, pressing his wrists to the bed.

“Too much to handle,” he scoffs, twisting his fingers inside of Matt almost hard enough.

“Fuck me and we’ll see if you can keep up,” Matt says, because it’s been long enough, and he’s not sure if he can wait any longer. Adam pulls his fingers out of Matt, with one last twist that gets Matt exhaling sharply, and reaches over to a drawer. Matt watches him, knowing his gaze is hungry, as he pulls out a condom and more lube.

“Took you long enough,” Matt says, grinning, because he’ll never resist the opportunity to be a little bit annoying.

“You keep that up and maybe I won’t fuck you,” Adam replies, and his stare is so heated that Matt shuts up immediately. He watches, propped up on his elbows, as Adam slides on the condom and slicks himself up. Matt exhales slowly in anticipation, desperate to have that length pushed into him, fucked into him. He doesn’t have to wait long.

“You okay?” Adam asks, hand on the back of Matt’s thigh, propping his leg up. “Like, you…?”

“If you don’t fuck me, I think I’m literally going to explode,” Matt says, trying to level Adam with the same stare he’d given Matt earlier.

Adam laughs, presses a kiss to Matt’s calf, and looks back at him. Matt wants to dive into those eyes. “Okay,” Adam says.

He pushes in, so goddamn slowly, and Matt sees stars. He can’t help himself from sighing, dropping his head back on Adam’s pillow, a little smile playing across his lips.

“You look so good like this,” Adam murmurs, pressing another kiss to Matt’s leg. Matt forces his eyes open – it’s not every day he gets to see a masterpiece painted in front of him. Adam groans a little as he pulls back and pushes in, eyes closed. Matt can’t tear his eyes from Adam’s face, watching his eyebrows draw together, his hair dance across his forehead. He wants to memorize it.

And then Adam picks up the pace, and Matt loses all thoughts in his head.

“Good?” Adam asks, like it could be anything but.

Matt nods. “Yeah, so good. Don’t stop.”

Adam lets out that little laugh again. “Good to know.”

Matt tries to push back against Adam, give as good as he’s getting, but the way Adam slams into him is so deliberate and focused it knocks all sense and planning out of his head. He reaches up to brush a thumb across Adam’s mouth. He presses a kiss to it, then draws it into his mouth, making Matt whimper with the way he sucks at it.

“God, you’re…you’re so…” Matt can’t finish his sentence, arching back as Adam thrusts at a new angle.

Adam laughs, a little choked, a little desperate. “Yeah? You, too.” He ducks his head in against Matt’s neck, pressing kisses, and Matt lets it all wash over him. He clings to Adam’s arms, his waist, his neck, desperate to get his hands on as much of him as possible. The world shrinks to the two of them, to where they connect.

“Matt,” Adam groans, his voice tight, “fuck, I’m – ”

“Yeah,” Matt says, and he slides a hand in between the two of them, curling his hand around his own cock. He doesn’t even need lube – he’s leaking enough to make the motion slick and right. “Me too.”

Matt gets himself there before Adam, coming in strong pulses all over Adam’s chest and his own. Adam’s response is to get unsteady, a little wild, a little rough with his thrusts. All Matt can do is hang on to it, riding through the aftershocks until he feels Adam come inside him with a groan that sounds a whole lot like Matt’s name.

Adam takes care of the mess and then his face is buried in Matt’s shoulder as he collapses. Matt pets through his hair with his fingers, something he hopes is soothing. He’s feeling pretty exhausted himself, though, body thoroughly wrecked and mind calm. “Damn.” Adam presses his face against Matt’s neck.

“Damn is right,” Matt laughs. Adam stirs a little bit against him, lifting his head. Matt can’t resist brushing the hair out of his eyes. The man really is pretty.

“You okay?” Adam asks. “I got a little, uh,” he laughs, “a little enthusiastic.”

“So okay,” Matt says. He grins and drops his head back against the pillow, feeling warm and cozy. “Better than okay. I feel great.”

“Good,” Adam says. “Wouldn’t want you to rescind your chainsaw deal.”

“I could make a hilarious joke about me taking care of your wood,” Matt mumbles, suddenly sleepy.

“You could,” Adam says. He yawns. “I don’t know if I have the energy left to laugh about it, though.” He pushes himself up.

“What? No,” Matt says, before he can stop himself. “Where are you going?”

“Gotta take care of the fire and the candles,” Adam says through another yawn. “Can’t burn the place down.”

Matt nods and follows Adam out of bed, throwing on the grey sweatpants.

“Those were mine!”

Matt points to the elastic at the ankle. “These I can keep up. They are mine now.”

With a shrug, Adam pulls on the red plaid pants. “I guess they are.”

Matt blows out the candles while Adam makes sure the fireplace is safe for overnight, and they trade kisses as they make their way back up to Adam’s room. It feels more homey, domestic, familiar than it should be. Matt blames it on being tired, but he knows, somewhere, that it’s more than that. They fall into bed and under the covers together, and Matt is so exhausted – two hours of driving and the business deal of a lifetime can drain you – that he falls asleep without realizing he’s curling up in Adam’s arms.

He wakes up suddenly, light streaming in through an unfamiliar angle. He blinks, twisting a little when he feels the weight over his waist. His body flushes warm at the memory of the night before. Adam looks near angelic as he sleeps, lips slightly open in a sweet pout and hair fanned over the pillow. Matt shifts back into the bed, soaking in the warmth.

“Hi,” Adam says, voice gravelly. “Mornin’.”

“Morning,” Matt replies. He snuggles in and Adam opens his arms, pulling Matt flush against him. “Sleep okay?”

“I should be asking you that,” Adam says into Matt’s hair. “Since you’re my guest and all.”

Matt leans back into him. “Your guest wants to know if you think the power’s back on.”

Adam sits up, leaving a hand splayed on Matt’s hip like it belongs there. “Looks like it. My alarm clock says it’s 2am, though, so it hasn’t been on for too long.”

“Makes sense,” Matt says. “It’s cold in here.” But he’s awake now, and he sits up, a little disappointed at the way Adam’s hand slips off his waist. He wraps his arms around himself, shivering a bit.

“Is that you hinting you want to wear more of my clothes?” Adam asks, grinning. “I got a hoodie you can borrow if you want to be all high school about it.”

“With that attitude I don’t want anything,” Matt lies.

Adam grins at him, like he knows, like he feels it too. “Sure you don’t.”

The shower takes longer than expected to warm up, but Matt’s not too worried. It’s huge for such a small apartment, and Adam crowds in behind him, hands on his waist.

“Okay if I join?”

“I’d be offended if you didn’t,” Matt laughs, tilting his head back. Adam goes at the hickey Matt had noticed in the mirror from the night before, and Matt squirms against it, desperate for more and less all at the same time.

They soap each other up, and Matt falls against the wall as the body wash rinses off him, pulling Adam in for a lazy kiss and letting his hands wander. Adam grins at him. “Can I blow you?”

“The eff kind of question is that?” Matt asks. He’s been a little hard since Adam joined him in the shower, but he’s at 100% already. “Of course you can.”

Adam drops to his knees. “As you wish.”

“Oh, don’t go all Westley from Princess Br – ” But he cuts off, because Adam is good at more than just negotiation with that mouth.

~

It takes an hour for the two of them working together to dig out the tires, and another, more fascinating hour of Adam looking like a mechanically-inclined cowboy on an ATV with a plow attachment, before there’s a fighting chance of Matt driving out of here. He wants to stall, but he’s not sure what he could do, realistically. Nick’s already called him three times, panicking, and he’d had to promise he’d be back in the city by five to go over the final plans for the next deals and the Q1 meeting that’s planned for tomorrow.

But he doesn’t want to leave.

“Alright,” says Adam, looking like a dream as he swings a leg over the ATV and jumps off of it. “That should do it. Driveway’s ready, car’s out of the snow.” He gestures. “I didn’t even try to pop a tire or anything.”

Matt can’t help but smile. “And why would you do that?”

Adam sighs, walking up to Matt, hands settling on his hips. “Because I am a dopey, romantic freak, and I want you to stay.”

Matt wants it too. He wants it so, so badly. But he can’t. “I want to stay too,” Matt says. “Wish I could. But, uh,” he looks up at Adam. “Maybe next time you could come visit me in the city? We could fake a snow day and turn off the lights?”

Adam’s grin is like sunshine. “I’d love that.” He leans down, and Matt knows it’s the last kiss, for now. He makes it last, though, tries to make it so all he can taste and smell is Adam for the foreseeable future.

When he finally pulls back, it feels the way he did when he and Nick told their friends they were leaving California. The kind of goodbye that aches. The kind of goodbye you’re not supposed to feel with a one time hookup. “Keep in touch. And not just professionally.”

Adam presses a kiss to Matt’s forehead, and it feels like a promise. “I will,” Adam says. He reaches for Matt in a move that feels like it has some interesting potential, but he just grabs at the pocket of the sweatpants and pulls out Matt’s phone. He points the phone toward Matt’s face, and it unlocks. “I’ll put myself in your phone.”

“You’re already in there,” Matt says, grinning. “Remember? Business deal and all that.”

Adam points the phone in his face. “I renamed it Sexy Lumberjack Adam.”

“Well,” Matt says, taking the phone back, “you’re not wrong.”

He waves goodbye, feeling awkward, and slides into the seat of his car. “I, uh. I hope I’ll see you soon.”

Adam nods, then frowns. Like he’s rushing, he half runs his way over to Matt’s car. “One more kiss for the road?”

Matt sighs, relief coursing over him. “Of course.”

It feels like hope.

“Text me when you get to your house,” Adam says as Matt swings the door closed.

Matt nods.

It’s the first thing he does when he pulls into his driveway.

Home!

It’s only seconds before he gets the reply. See you soon <3

[sorry-i-spaced]

Fun fact about me:

Everytime I get booked for one of the Wee Woo (Chicago Med/PD/Fire) shows to be background my brain short circuits and I can't function while doing a task I was doing prior.

Your honor here are a few examples:

1. I got booked to play homeless in episode 13 of Med and I was at work when it happened and I legit couldn't remember how to make a drink

2. I got a maybe email (basically saying they had to submit me to the director first) from Fire while there were 10 minutes left on my shift and I straight up couldn't write down the info I had to send in a reply cause I was losing focus

3. I'm in the process of trying to clean my room before company comes to visit. I checked my phone and got booked for PD and now it's very hard to get myself to concentrate on cleaning dishes

[raincamp]

08 14 2023

im trying to get my sleep schedule back from my nighshift job and it's been absolute hell

i hate being alone at night. i miss waking up with the sun. at least when i was at work i would have a job to distract me, but now that its just me alone in a dark room the impulsive thoughts relentlessly intrude into my mind.

everytime i experience one of these, impulsive and intrusive thoughts or intense feelings, it short circuits my brain and I lose my focus on whatever i was doing, i repeat something along the lines of "kill me kill me kill me kill me" until it stops.

this usually helps temporarily for about 5-15 minutes until it comes back in short lived waves of intense emotion. so intense i feel like im drowning. sometimes i cover my face and try to suffocate them away, other times i desperately gasp out for air. usually, though, i cut myself or smoke or drink or scream. anything to make it stop.

im so stressed about everything. theres so much to do, a whole room to pack up, finances to do, my cat to take care of, and now that i'm pretending i have extra time i'm regaining my motivation for my hobbies again. which means its impossible to sleep. i constantly feel the need to be up doing stuff because i fear running out of time.

but theres also a very logical side of me that's been urging myself to take care of myself. yk, doing stuff like sleeping, eating, bathing, taking care of responsibilities. so i feel like im constantly going back and forth between the extremes of getting everything done in time and trying to prevent burnout.

apparently the two concepts can't exist in the same universe at the same time. there goes my bpd black and white thinking again.

please gods grant me with an easily malleable circadian rythym, a natural melatonin cycle— and if its not too much to add on—patience and permanent mental stability.

- andrew

p.s. (yes im writing a postscript for the first time today) my last group session was today and there was this metaphor that my therapist commended me on creating so i said i'd write it here so i didn't forget it

she was saying something about how being effective in DBT is akin to throwing a fire down and finally walking away, and being ineffective is like throwing it on a bunch of gasoline

and i said that in my experience having BPD means that when i think im throwing the fire down i think im throwing it onto water to douse it when in reality its gasoline and i dont realize until ive already made everything worse and set everything ablaze. :')

after i said it i thought it was kind of lame.

i'm really going to miss her. and everyone else in group.

[ggsworldstory]

Pilot

At the wall

A young boy wearing a red top hat that had a gold crown at its brim sits in his cell, with a look of hopelessness on his face.

“Ok, maybe not a good place to start with, you’re probably wondering how I got here.”

“First’s things first, my name is George, but my friends, er one friend calls me, GG. What does it stand for? … I don’t know, I can’t really contact the person who gave it to me.” “As for how I got here, if this little thing on my head isn’t any indication, I'm a member of the Toppat clan, for my whole life, in fact”

“Yep, you heard me, I was born to THE toppat clan…….’s submarine division, not many people care about it compared to the big guys, like airship, but at least we don’t have to worry as much about the government going after us.”

“As for how I like it personally? Eh. sure I couldn’t really go anywhere myself, and the view of the ocean got old, FAST.” “but I got 3 meals a day, a stylish hat and both my parents are alive, heh, not gonna lie, I definitely miss them.”

 “They always celebrated the small things: First steps, first words, first eye glow, first piece of metal melted.” “My family has a history of these weird elemental powers, My mom wields electricity while my dad wields fire, so naturally, I get both.”

 I got pretty excited when they promised to “bring out my full potential” but it just amounted to constantly being told, “burn through this” and “short circuit that” I couldn’t even do it right most of the time.” “It's especially discouraging when I hear about all the cool stuff my parents use their powers for,the massive flame blasts, the blackouts,can’t help but feel a little inadequate…”

 “Anyways, this all started earlier today, I was in my room, practicing mario 64 speedrun tricks, when I heard my parents come in.”As he walked in, dad uttered,

“So, how are you doing, son?” sounding slightly nervous.

”Ok, what’s the bad news?”

 “Wait, wha-?” 

“You say that everytime you’re about to tell me or mom bad news, and I should know, because I do it too.”

 mom then replied, attempting to de-escalate the situation “I wouldn’t say it’s bad news, quite the opposite, you’re finally going on your first solo-heist!”

 I felt my heart damn near jump clean outta my ribcage “Wait?! WHAT?! I can barely melt a crowbar or power a lightbulb, and now you expect me to do a heist all on my own?!” I panickedly spoke. Desperately trying to calm me down, mom said, “well that may be true, but we figured you could use some field experience before we head to the orbital statio-” “it’s the captain’s orders, we don’t have a choice” dad Interrupted “Sweety! not so blunt!” mom shouted

“Ugh captain Sharkbite, not fond of that guy at all,it gets annoying having my parents get orders barked at them more often than my feet touch the floor, very annoying, and when they’re not doing that, they’re always blabbering off about fish, boasting their razor sharp teeth, or being jealous of some guy with a train and a big gun.”

 Dad then tried to reassure me saying, “I know this is a tad sudden, but we do believe in you” he said before giving him a hug. “Ok, I feel better”

“Great!” Mom replied “be at the front of the submarine in 1 hour.” I simply gave a thumbs up as the two left.

From there, I'd say I reacted rationall…y by screaming hysterically. “I DON'T FEEL BETTER AT ALL! AAAAAHHHH!”

 Enter, Jessica, my best friend. She had long orange hair, a blue hat, cyan neckerchief, orange and blue eyes and orange shoes. She even has elemental powers as well (water and earth to be specific) not sure how exactly she got em though. As much as I love my parents, sometimes it seems like she does a better job at keeping me from doing stupid crap than they do. Even if we’re definitely prone to more than our fair share of shenanigans and mischief, she can be a bit in over her head at times, but she’s always so supportive of me, she even gave me my nickname, and this cool crown and.... What was I talking about again? Oh, right” 

“Something on your mind?” she asked “I then explained the whole situation, and like any good friend would, she offered me a helping hand” “what if I went with ya?” she suggested “then it wouldn’t be much of a solo heist” I questioned. She then relayed to me her plan in more detail. It sounded pretty good to me, so I agreed

One hour later

I walked up to the front of the submarine, where the captain greeted me, handed me an earpiece and described the goal to me, “yer task is simple, get in, get out with so much as a single coin, get to the nearest body of water and press the red button on yer earpiece and you’ll officially be part of the clan, be careful however, no toppat has actually set foot in this place, but it’s the last place for you to be able to steal from before we head to the orbital station, good luck lad.”

 They then pressed a button, causing part of the ceiling to lower and the entrance to the sub’s cannon to be revealed. I've seen plenty of others get launched out of it to their heists, I was definitely not excited to learn how it feels myself. I got in, taking deep breaths every step, as the door closed I could hear dad yell out “Give one of the guards a big smack for me!” Unbeknownst to the others, Jessica was waiting in the surprisingly spacious cannon, which she entered through the roof after the back door closed. It was comforting having her along with me for this. “3…2...1” I hear the captain announce, before slamming a button, “Launch!” They shouted, and we were off

Truth be told, I don’t remember much from the flight, I just recall a loud bang, screaming, and a nasty earache.

It’s almost like our division has no goddamn idea how to spend the little portion of the budget we’re given.

Anyway, I woke up to Jessica who said, “you ok?” I told her I was and she replied, “good,cause it looks like we’re here” 

Thinking about that sight still sends shivers down my spine, before me stood the largest casino I’d ever seen, the building was large, blindingly bright, lacked windows, was plastered with all kinds of card and luck based imagery, and at the center there were three golden letters, “MOC” with a small banner reading “Mansion of cards below it”

I gulped, took a deep breath and nervously muttered, “well, here we go” and tried to step inside, but jessica quickly stopped me, exclaiming “woah, woah, you don’t just waltz into a place you’re about to heist from!” before leading me to the less, glowing side of the building, examined it a bit, then let out an “A-ha! An unguarded vent! Amateurs.” She then used a large rock  to break the vent door, and we began to make our way through the tunnel.

As we were crawling, I talked a bit more about what I was going through, “Jess, ya ever wonder if there's more to life than just getting shot out of a cannon, taking crap, then leaving?” sounding concerned, she responded with, “I dunno, but what’s making you think so hard about it now? Usually you seem content making the most out of your life on the submarine. “'Well, yeah, but it’s just a lot of pressure thinking about the whole, ‘this is the rest of my life’ thing, especially when I'm no good at it.” I said back.

She took a moment to think, before telling me “I get you’re feeling boxed in, but who knows? Maybe a curveball’s coming your way that’ll let you pick a new path in this crazy life, and whatever it is, i’m sure you’ll find a way to enjoy it, like you always have!” I’ll admit, that definitely helped me feel better at the time.

After some time, we finally made it to the main vault and I was mesmerized. Not just by all the money, but also the feeling of doing something right for once, albeit with some help. I think Jess was trying to explain something about what to do next, but I was too distracted by the feeling of sheer awe I was in.

That, was when I made the biggest mistake of my life

I picked up a coin from the massive money mountain before me to get a closer look.

Then an alarm went off.

I was immediately taken out of that previous feeling of awe and in its place was sheer fear and panic, I turned to Jess. She was trying to tell me something and was waving her arms in a signaling motion. I think she wanted me to calm down but I couldn’t hear her over the booming siren and the constant stomping of the approaching security.

So I did the first thing that came to mind in my flight-or-flight instincts, I ran, I ran, ran and ran like hell.

As I was panickedly sprinting, I remember a strange sensation in my legs, as if some kind of energy was sparking out of them, making me run faster.

But I didn’t have time to focus on that, I only had one thing in mind: Getting the fuck out of dodge.

The guards began rushing towards me, I felt my eyes widen with fear, and as before my instincts were at the helm and I tried to swipe them away as they approached. I recall a similarly strange feeling, but it was more so as if something was burning and I could swear I saw my very hand engulfed in flames.

But as before,I didn’t have time to dwell on these anomalies, I could only keep running, faster and faster, as the barrage of bullets as well as other weaponry grew louder and louder.

I’m not sure how far I ran, but I got a good distance outside the casino. And by the end of it all, I was exhausted.

My arms and legs were in intense pain, I was coughing and wheezing, my head felt incredibly light, eventually I could barely stand, and eventually collapsed on the ground.

When I woke up, my earpiece was gone, so I couldn’t talk to the captain or anyone else, and I found myself here.

I’ve never been to the wall, but I've heard more than enough about the immense cold, depressing gray ‘aesthetics’ and the view of the massive drop to the sea from the windows. I guess word got around about my attempted robbery pretty quickly, or I was out for a long time. I also remember the many warnings about this place I got from other toppats, about it’s infamously high security

Either way, that’s basically my story. I fucked up, got stuck here in this notoriously inescapable hellhole, and now, I can’t help but wonder; is this the end?

At that moment, a mysteriously enthusiastic yet simultaneously threatening voice cried out to the seemingly hopeless Toppat, “Or is it just the beginning?”

GG looked around, confused, before noticing, a crack steadily growing on the cell’s ceiling  before it broke.

After the dust settled from his landing, the mysterious figure revealed himself, a tall man with yellow and purple eyes, sporting a dark purple and yellow jester hat, and a big, ominous smile.

After the mysterious figure made his landing, GG could only sit there for a few seconds before asking “Who the hell are you?”

“The name’s Lown, K.Lown! Entertainer, extraordinaire!” The jester exclaimed

“...ok, but why are you here exactly?”

“Is that a serious question? Any performer worth their salt knows where to find a frown to turn upside down!” K.Lown yelped as he began to play a goofy tune on a kazoo he pulled from his hat. 

GG simply stared at the jester as he questioned what the hell was even happening. Before eventually speaking, “Uhhh, thanks for, whatever this is…? But I don’t see why you’re going outta your way to do some party tricks for some guy stuck in the wall.”

“Ah, impatient aren't ya? I always save my big disappearance for last!”

“Wait, really? how are ya getting me outta here?” GG stated, sounding slightly annoyed

“Hmmm. I hadn’t quite thought that far, hmmm, how about this!?”

He yelled out as he grabbed GG’s arm and jumped out the window. At this moment however K.lown began to show his true acrobatic prowess as he leaped to the rock wall adjacent to the window before bouncing back to the side of the wall, repeatedly doing so, gaining height until he reached the roof of the complex. “How’s that for a big disappearance?”K.Lown proudly shouted, GG didn’t say anything, as he was in a large amount of shock, still trying to process what he just went through. 

Unfortunately for the two, the wall’s security quickly caught on two their escape attempt and soon enough, a large group of guards had them at gunpoint.

K.lown simply chuckled, Chucked GG high up in the sky, before roaring out, “Can I get a volunteer from the audience?!”

 As the gunfire rushed towards him, the clown somersaulted through the volley and right into the fray, pushing the crowd of armed guards,who were now left confused and at risk of shooting their own through the chaos.

All of a sudden, one of the guards noticed their assault rifle was missing from their hand. All of a sudden the group hears a whistle from behind them, they turn around to find…

K.lown holding one of their assault rifles, with a big, crazed, clownish smile. He laughed maniacally as he unloaded the hoard’s own ammunition against them, while quickly maneuvering to avoid the shots coming to him as well.

When all was said and done, K.lown jumped down from the roof and onto the front of the wall, which was a mostly empty field of snow, he then raised his hands into the air for GG to land perfectly on them, which he did... For a brief second before plopping face first onto the ground, at this point he was knocked out cold, so jester simply dragged him into the back of one of the wall’s trucks that was conveniently nearby and drove off.

Several hours later…

GG woke up in the dark back of the truck, greeted by a brief silence, before it was abruptly intruded By the clown’s booming, “Ta-da!”

“So we’re really out?” GG Skeptically inquired.

“Believe it”

“Truth be told, I don’t remember much after you… jumped out that window…”

“Eh, nevermind that, we’re outta that winter wasteland, now just sit tight and I’ll get ya where ya need to be.”

While he was thankful for being busted out of the wall, GG was still overall confused by everything that was happening and figured he might as well try to get some answers, “if you don’t mind me asking, are you sure  you know where you’re going, Lown, was it?

“Why of course, why wouldn’t I?”

“Well I never saw or heard about you back home and I wanted to know how exactly you knew the Toppats.”

“Oh Toppats, schmoppats! Do you really wanna spend all your time in some sticky space resort, surrounded by lunatics?”

“Sure I’m not good at stealing and such, but it’s my home, my family, they’re probably worried sick right now…”

“Don’t you worry my heterochromatic friend, everything will be alright once we reach our destination, and whadya know, we’re here!”

As the truck stopped, GG excitedly walked to the back of the truck, K.lown then opened the doors to reveal…

The same casino that he had just come back from robbing and barely escaping

“Well, come on in!” K.lown said as he casually walked towards the building

“You coming or what?”

It was at this moment, GG began to question the motives of his new friend(?) He knew he needed to get out of this somehow, but he also knew that K.lown was quite the powerful individual, considering all the acrobatics he pulled off while getting him out of the wall (even if he wasn’t conscious through most of it). GG tried to back away in silence, but the clown soon interrupted with, “Don’t tell me ya got stage fright!”

“No, o-of course not, I just think… uhh, maybe it’ll be harder for the wall to find us if we split up..?” GG nervously retorted, as he turned around and began walking faster.

The jester let out a slight chuckle before responding, “Don’t try to make me laugh, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!” he then springed towards GG. His shout however, put GG into full panic mode and he began to run for his life, unfortunately he kept on bumping into buildings, statues, as well as other of the city’s setpieces that kept him from going at top speed as the jester chased him down.

After some time, GG ran into a dark alleyway to hopefully hide and catch his breath, at that time he could only stand there and hope the demented entertainer wouldn’t find him. But he did notice, as he snuck up from behind, and punched right on the back of GG’s head, leaving him unconscious once again

“Talk about playing your cards wrong, you shity screw up.” K.lown smugly quipped, before dragging GG to the casino.

When he woke up, GG’s arms were stuck to shackles in the ceiling of a small, dark room, filled with strange devices and a glass door was in front of him. Soon enough, GG noticed a man approach the glass door, while he couldn’t quite see well in the darkness he knew it wasn’t K.lown, the man was wearing a dark blue top hat with a red stripe at the bottom, had some short, brown hair and black shoes, before long he spoke in a low stoic tone, “So, you’re finally awake, allow me to introduce myself. My name Is Dice. H. Roller I am the owner of the casino you and your partner have foolishly intruded upon.”

GG’s eyes widened realizing that Jessica could be here as well. “What did you do to her?!” He quickly bellowed, Dice was indifferent to his reaction however. Simply giving a, “hmph, such insolence.” before continuing his monologue, much to GG’s frustration.

I assume you’ve already met my second in command, you may be wondering why I sent him to get you out of the wall just to put you in another jail, are you not? Well it’s quite simple; I believe stealing from someone like me is a serious crime, and the wall’s idea of punishment is… inadequate.” he said as he reached for a remote control in his pocket and pushed one of it’s buttons. Suddenly the once nearly pitch black cell, glowed with the many instruments of torture surrounding GG “When those are done warming up, you’ll be experiencing the kind of pain that hell only wishes it could put one through, don’t fret, child. It was only a matter of time before those insatiable toppats would try to get their hands on my fortune, and thus, it was equally inevitable they'd lose some of their members trying to grasp such an unattainable treasure, at least they’re losing clear deadweight like you, you can keep that speck by the way, think of it as a reminder of how much of a failure you are.”

 GG then noticed that even after everything,he still had the single coin he originally took in his pocket. Dice chortled and walked away.

GG then noticed a countdown near the top of his cell, presumably for how long the torture device needed to warm up, he could only stay there, watching it slowly countdown to zero and reflect on how things got to this point “well, I fucked up,Couldn’t do a heist on my own, couldn’t stop myself from raising an alarm, couldn’t stay out of the wall, Couldn’t tell that clown wasn’t trustworthy when I had the chance and I couldn’t even do anything right with or without Jess’ help”

 As he continued to look around his cell, he noticed on his left, a window into the cell next to him, and he couldn’t believe his eyes when he realized, it was Jessica! She was was knocked out at the time, given how she had already gone through a round of torture while GG was gone. Without hesitation, GG immediately tried to get her attention, “Jess, Jess! Wake up, it’s me!”

Soon enough, she awoke, “huh…? GG? Oh no, oh fuck no, you’re here too?”

“Sadly, look, I’m so sorry, I left you behind back there, I can’t do anything right can I?”

“I-it’s ok, you panicked, but there’s no time to dwell on that. Especially with that ticking down”

The timer was only at one minute until the machinery had finished warming up

“So, do you have a plan?” GG promptly asked

“I think… even through all of that hell I might have a bit of power left in me”

Even though he was suspended in the air, GG could feel the ground faintly shaking beneath him, then a hole formed under him, it wasn’t particularly large but it looked like he could fit inside it.

“That tunnel should take you right outside of this city, after I take care of your shackles, I want you to go through, run for the hills, and never look back.”

“And you’ll follow after, right?

“...”

“Right…?”

“GG,you’re not a ‘screw up’ sure, you sometimes act without thinking, but you’ve always been there for me, you’ve always inspired me with how you always roll with the punches, treating all the struggles in your life as challenges to overcome and never giving up no matter what shit gets thrown at you. Promise me you’ll keep doing that.”

“I’ll try” GG said as he used his elbow to wipe tears from his eyes

“Good, even with all the shit that’ll happen to me here, it’ll be a bit more bearable knowing you’re still out there”

“Jess…” GG muttered before Jessica used a stream of water to slip his hands through the shackles, consequentially making him tumble through the tunnel before ending up at the Las pay-gas border “wait, wait!” He shouted, but Jessica had already closed the tunnel behind him to make sure no one else would go through it and find him.

Despite the feelings of gloom he was going through, GG took his friend’s words to heart, and was determined to not let her down. And he dashed off into the night, and into a new life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of Pilot~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next

[amoveablejake]

Album Of The Week: ‘Alluring Grace’ by Karate King

Stand out song: ‘Love Rhythm’.

On the 7th of this month, I chose an album called ‘Alluring Grace’ as the album of the week. At the time that I chose it, I had been listening to the album for only a short while but in that time it had already had a great impact on me which is why I wrote a piece that was rather complimentary about how wonderful that album was. Two weeks have passed and this Monday evening I am picking ‘Alluring Grace’ once again. Now, I should first of all apologise because not only have I picked the same album again but I have done it in rather quick succession. I should apologise, but I’m not going to. I’m not going to apologise because I am not sorry at all. This is the album of the week and deservedly so. When I listen to this record now and I think about how I felt when I first listened to it, so much has changed. Okay, no it hasn’t changed because I was in love with it then and I still am now so instead I’ll say I’m looking at how my feelings for it have developed. When I first listened to it I felt that I clicked with this album straight off the bat and when I look back now, to those halcyon days of two weeks ago, I laugh at my foolishness. Ha, you think that was true love. This is true love. And then I know that in two weeks I’ll have the same feeling and on and on again until the end of time. So, why exactly is ‘Alluring Grace’ making a second appearance, lets find out. 

I can’t believe that I didn’t choose ‘Love Rhythm’ as my stand out song last time around. I am shocked because this song has consumed my listening for the past week inparticular. Consumed is the right word but its a little too aggressive, its too aggressive because ‘Love Rhythm’ has been the song the song that I turn to when I need that intangible feeling that a certain song can provide. The song that makes you feel ten times lighter, the breath of fresh air track and the one that features certain notes that help you ease into your free time and relax. Sometimes when I am out in the wild, I will hear a certain song come on the radio or on a shop’s sound system and it will make me so excited. It is like when you see an expertly cast and thought out cameo or an Easter egg that is particularly exciting except, ofcourse, here its a reference to your own listening story. When I have those moments in public, for certain songs it feels like the world around me fades away and it is only the track in question that exists as it fills the air around me. I’m not sure if it will ever happen, but if I was out int he world and I heard the opening waves of ‘Love Rhythm’ I think the smile that would creep across my face would be rather uncontrollable because that is exactly what happens everytime I hear it come through my headphones now. I smile, I breathe and I fall into the opening gambit of an album that feels like a warm embrace. 

Recency bias is a concern of mine. It concerns me when I like a film that isn’t released during the awards season and as a result I fear that it will be missed from the circuit. It is also a worry of mine when I approach the end of the year and the round up pieces that come with it. Now, whether they are the round ups that I post to the blog or the ones that I write for myself I do genuinely get concerned that I’m missing something off the list that deserves its place there because it was from earlier in the year or that I’m giving something too much credit because it has been a big part of my life recently. The thing is though, that any concerns that I had about ‘Alluring Grace’ have fallen by the wayside. They have dropped off because I know that the joy and peace that this album brings me is not recency bias and has longevity to it. Now, ofcourse its easy to say that in the moment and I get that and so to prove my love for this record, it will not be the album of the year for 2022. I’m saying that now. I am going to remove it from the equation completely and if the love for it remains as strong as it does now then I’m sure that this time next year we’ll see it in contention for 2023. Now, is this a foolish decision, most definitely. A whole year lies ahead and one that undoubtedly will bring oh so many album with it that I will fall head over heels for. However, whilst other albums may come and go I think that ‘Alluring Grace’ will remain by my side and on my roster. Now, I could say that it has a certain allure(-ing grace) or that I’m feeling its love rhythm but I won’t. This time around, this album doesn’t need a (expertly crafted) bit of word play. All it needs is to press play. And to prepare to jump on the stage at the last minute to take the 2022 album of the year title. 

That is a joke. Sort of. 

-Jake, a man who is still riding that 6-2 high, 21/11/2022

[eggsdrawings]

i just want bakugou to go to camie to complain about his crush on kirishima, while kiri goes to mina about his crush on bakugou. and then when mina and camie hang out and gossip they come up with some grand plan to get the two together