#I should make the creature before I decide the vest details

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all! My next plushie project is a little purple monster with a flower crown and (if I can figure out how to do it) a spiky denim vest, but I'm not sure what quilt project I want to do next, so I'm looking for input!

edit: I forgot scrap management as an option so that's the "something else" option now lol

[blzzrdstryr]

Moth into flame. Yandere!Kaeya x gn!reader

Wordcount: 4k

A.N: It’s very self-indulgent, but I had this idea for 2 weeks now and needed to get it out. I’ve never written fanfiction and I am not a native speaker, so bear with me.

CW: Violence, unhealthy relationship

For as long as you know Kaeya, he feels different from other people. Odd in the way that empty alleyways and dark rooms are odd, a sense of barely concealed danger lurking underneath the layers of charm and friendliness. You always felt his darker nature, but never questioned it before - you are an adventurer after all, the danger is your thrill.

He must have known that you aren’t particularly repulsed by this side of him, as his friendly facade morphed into something darker right in front of you for a couple of times. You doubt a liar and an actor as skilled as he is would make such amateurish mistakes.

No, he can’t be ignorant about how his more ominous part is what makes your veins sing from the strange mix of fascination and fear. That must be why he kept flashing his less amiable side, enticing you further in his grasp, and you gladly took step after step in the carefully crafted trap he prepared just for you.

How could you not? Kaeya is charming and dangerous, like wildfire  and you are nothing but a moth, too blinded by his light to stop and just think.

And now, seeing an irrefutable, but faux proof of the crimes you didn’t commit in his hands, you feel it - how searing his casual coldness can be. Right now, Kaeya Alberich is no human in your heart, he is a small piece of abyss that made its way out of Khaenri’ahn ruins to drag you down the cosmic darkness, where you possibly truly belong.

***

Kaeya both loves and hates your first meeting and he avoids reminiscing about it. It sounds strange, right?

Back then he was still a part of Ragnvindr household and Diluc treated him like a brother, and maybe that is a small part of a reason why he feels such aversion to recalling it - those memories are tinted both by fond nostalgia and bitter loss, enough to make him itch for a bottle in his hand.

Both Kaeya and you were green rookies - a knight fresh from training and a beginner adventurer, accidentally teaming up against a gang of treasure hoarders. It all ended up with both of you victorious, but injured. Kaeya helped you to walk back to Monstadt as one of the criminal's bolts wounded your leg, enough to make you wince from pain at every step.

In the middle of the trail he suddenly grew bored from your barely suppressed pained expressions and soft pants, no matter how cute they were to him, and decided to carry you, just like the groom would carry his  bride. He quipped and joked about it, as he made his way to the city's general direction, and you laughed and made some witty remarks in return.

At the moment he didn't think too much of it - you were another adventurer in his eyes back then, a cute, but insignificant passerby in his life and he was just playing a role of gallant knight in shiny armor. Give it a week or two and he would forget your face and your name.

But he didn't.

Just as you were approaching city gates, a miracle happened - red vision materialized right in your hands. You clutched it tightly to the chest, a bright smile appearing on your face. You turned your head to Kaeya, and he could have swore you were using your newly acquired Pyro on him.

How else could he feel so warm inside all of a sudden?

He couldn't help but recall your smile for weeks after that.

***

Your second meeting happened when you were returning to Mondstadt after your first long expedition. Shortly after the word of your Pyro vision reached Cyrus' ears, he was dead set on sending you to Dragonspine to help other adventurers. You were hesitant at first, but then your natural thirst for thrill combined with a hefty pay he promised won over you, and here you were - carrying several stacks of starsilver, absolutely exhausted and frozen to the very bones walking back to Mondstadt.

To say that you were unprepared would be an understatement of the year - even with pyro vision the cold seemed absolutely unbearable and to make matters worse you almost had a run in with a frostarm lawachurl. To avoid hopeless fight, you had to hide behind the tall snowdrift, almost submerging your body in it, as you both admired and dreaded the ice cladden giant.

Nonetheless, you acquired all of the starsilver the adventure guild needed, and now you trekked through the forest as the sun started to set.

Straining your eyes to see through the heavy rain and approaching darkness you saw it - a bright red smudge against the dark tree bark and unmistakable scent of blood. Such stark contrasts were enough to shake off the tiredness. You slowly made your way to the source of the stench, both fearing and anticipating what may reveal itself to your curious eyes.

There was a silhouette of an injured man that started to slowly morph into a vaguely familiar figure as you got closer. Seeing that there was no threat, you threw your ore to the ground and ran to the unconscious person. It was that knight who helped you to defeat treasure hoarders, Kaeya.

He looked horrible - his normally rich bronze skin now looked ashen and grey from the bloodloss, the face that radiated smugness seemed as if it already belonged on the corpse, the blue vest that he was wearing dyed almost completely in purple from the bloodloss, but the most horrible thing was a shallow but wide gash on his chest.

Not wasting any second, you pulled out your trusty dagger, and sliced the vest to inspect the wound. As you pulled obstructing cloth away you noticed another detail - small burns, surrounding the gash, as if someone slashed Kaeya with something hot enough to scorch, but not hot enough to close the wound and most unexpectedly, faintly glowing blue orb. A cryo vision.

You sat on your knees to put his vision in your pocket and clean his wounds. It still bled, as you frantically searched for a way to close it your eyes fell on the small burns around the wound and suddenly a crazy idea popped up in your head.

With shaking hands you used a piece of sliced vest to muffle him and prevent Kaeya from accidentally biting his tongue off, and then you took the dagger again heating it up. You heard about cauterization from older adventurers, but hoped that you wouldn’t resort to using it.

Kaeya’s pained groans were muffled by the makeshift gag, yet it wasn’t enough to wake him. After you made sure that his bleeding stopped, you removed your outerwear and wrapped Kaeya up. You cursed, as you hoisted a heavier body on your back, an exhaustion you have forgotten moments ago hitting you with a renewed strength.

The path to the Mondstadt with a new burden on your back now felt ten times longer. Even if you two were barely an acquaintance, a cold coil of fear for Kaeya's life still set in the pit of your stomach, and it seemed that no amount of fire would make you feel warm again.

***

Waking up in the infirmary was one of the biggest surprises in Kaeya’s life.

There were times when he was sure of his imminent death - an abandoned shivering child all alone in the forest, a stranger in the strange land, a prince of nothing with the weight of the whole dying kingdom left on his shoulders; a rainy night reeking of death and loss, grief and fury burning him just as much as incandescent claymore, rapidly growing pool of bright red blood, just as red as a…

Kaeya was okay with dying - it would be a nice ending to his story. The dead saviour of an already dead nation, an outlander casted out from the only semblance of home he had. He liked the irony.

He could have asked for help right after the duel, calling out that person’s name, he knew that that person wouldn’t leave him if he was dying, but the possibility of seeing hatred in those eyes was too much for him. The second a fiery blade cut through his flesh was when Kaeya decided to die.

And honestly, he couldn't continue to live once he confirmed what kind of a monster he is - the first thing he felt when he saw Crepus Rangvindr, a person who took him in, kept him fed, warm, safe and clothed all these years, a person who loved him more than his own father did, slowly disintegrating under the strain of delusion Kaeya felt no sadness. No, a relief, as if he was freed of a tiresome burden came instead.

Kaeya was disgusted and horrified for even experiencing such feelings in the first place, but he also couldn't do anything with it - for the last few years he was torn apart between Mondstadt and his homeland, and Crepus’ death should have solved his internal dilemma, driving the final nail in the coffin.

Sometimes he felt as if he was no person at all, just an abyssal creature that took on a human form and was allowed to live only to be unleashed on Teyvat. The time at Khaenri’ah was something that stuck with him for the rest of his life - the fear and resignation he experienced there heavily imprinted on his brain.

Every once in a while he had impulses to lie, to hurt and do as he pleases, for a long time he stopped these urges at the root, maintaining the illusion of normalcy he built for Ragnvindr household. He knew it was from Khaenri’ah, a cursed  nation of sinners with all of its glorious legacy lost to the sands of time. Immoral impulses were something that would have helped him to survive among the endless darkness that surrounded god-forsaken place.

“Ugh”, he tried to get up, to shake intrusive and self-deprecating thoughts away, but failed. Pain, like melted iron, slowly spread from his chest to the points of his fingers in a second. Even breathing was hard - his entire body ached and burned, a shaking hand slowly touched bandaged torso. Alberich winced as he remembered why exactly it was aching.

“Sir Kaeya, you are already awake! Please, don’t move.”, pretty but forgettable nun fussed over him, rechecking his bandages and then taking out a foul smelling medicine. She made Kaeya drink it all. He still cringing from the bitter taste, half sat on the bed, leaning on the headrest, tried to flash her his most charming smile and asked:

“Do you know how I got there?”, it seemed his charms did work on the girl, as she started to describe the previous night in great detail: what she was doing prior to his arrival, how dark the sky was, how worried she was when she saw his battered body, how exhausted the adventurer and guards that delivered him looked.

“Do you happen to know the adventurer’s name? I would like to say my thanks once I get better”

“Oh, it was [First], I think, but I am not sure.  I believe I saw a pyro vision” Kaeya slid in the lying position again, as he remembered you, his first and only crush. Half buried feelings ignited in his chest with a renewed vigor.

Seeing that Kaeya paid her no mind, the nun headed to the exit of the infirmary, but right before she left she turned to Kaeya again, saying that you will visit him tomorrow.

****

Just as you thought Kaeya was conscious today. After you managed to carry him back to Mondstadt, worried but distrustful guards at city gates took away your load and delivered him to the Church of Favonius. You insisted at coming with them, still anxious for Kaeya’s life. Nuns almost showed you out of the infirmary and you, defeated, had to go home.

The next day you spent looking for the abandoned starsilver, thoughts occupied both by Kaeya and the payment Cyrus promised. Fortunately, the stacks lied right where you discarded them and after a quick trip back to the adventurer's guild, you had nothing to do - weekly commissions done days prior, so you decided to spend some time inside the city for once.

As you navigated the city square you felt the tense mood that hung in the air, Mondstadt usually cheerful and carefree now seemed uncharacteristically gloomy. You later learned that the local wine tycoon, Crepus Ragnvindr, died in the accident and his son and young the youngest captain in history of Ordo Favonius, Diluc, left the city and abandoned the knights.

Despite spending almost all of your time outside the city gates, even you were aware of the city's happenings and certainly heard about two dashing young gentlemen. Kaeya was rumored to be a foreign orphan taken in by Crepus and Diluc as you remembered is a claymore swinging pyro user - a picture of Kaeya’s injuries came to mind. Scattered details started to slowly gather into a sound theory.

A fight after Crepus' death(was accident Kaeya’s fault?), that resulted in Diluc abandoning the knights(Are knights also at fault?).

You quickly brushed it off, as theorizing without the concrete evidence was one of the biggest mistakes one could make. So instead of building baseless speculations, you decided to visit one of the key people, Kaeya. Occupied by your thoughts and curiosity, the travel to the church seemed almost momentarily.

Stepping in the infirmary you were hit with a strong bitter scent of the medicine, but Kaeya sitting on the bed seemed fine, if not a bit tired. He was reading a book, but put it aside as he noticed you and gave you a warm smile.“I remember you, [First], you were the one who saved me I was told. Seems I should make it up to you”

“No need for it, you were dying”, you head to him, a hand searching for the vision in the travelling bag. His smile doesn’t drop, even when a somewhat awkward silence hangs around you. Finally, you exclaim: “I found a vision near you, and kept it so it doesn’t get lost or anything”.

“Oh, that’s a surprise, give it to me” the vision in his hands glows alive with a gentle blue light, a small ice shard forming between his fingers and you find yourself holding your breath. Kaeya looks less impressed than you, a strange emotion written on his face,as he looks from the blue orb, to the ice, to your amazed face.

“It may sound rude, but do you remember who injured you?” Kaeya doesn’t appear phased, slowly blinking, a confusion written on his face, as he looks up in contemplation. “Hm, no, can’t remember anything” You shift a little, disappointment not reaching your face. Was Kaeya lying or not?

“I hope I didn’t mess up your adventuring schedule” Kaeya murmured, leaning a little closer to you.

“No. I planned on spending a week inside the city. Why do you ask?”

“Well” he smirks, “maybe a brave and strong adventurer will lend a hand to poor injured me and”, you felt your face slowly heating up “escort me to Good Hunter, the food here is abysmal and maybe your company and decent meal will clear my head a little”

Only a day later you realized that it was your first date.

***

Kaeya likes challenges, and maybe that is a reason why he’s so drawn to you - you’re smart, just not people-smart, and you have enough intuition to guide you away from the schemes and plans he tries to pull off. Of course, he wouldn’t risk your life or general wellbeing - he likes your presence far too much to do that - but the possible less savory reactions he could gauge out of you were too alluring to miss out - frustration, fear, anger.

Alberich is frustrated - a hunger that was ignited by you grew greater and greater with each day - he wants to see so much of you, see you in pain, see you helpless, see you defeated. Would you cry, would you yell, would you curse at him?

He tried to resist it in the beginning - just as he did when he was still a part of Ragnvindr family - but he failed. Maybe, Diluc’s dismissal of him and abandonment was something that broke Kaeya in the way that Khaenri’ah couldn’t. That rainy day he learned one lesson - everyone leaves, and Kaeya didn’t doubt that you would too.

You are an adventurer after all, as free as a wind. It’s just pure luck that someone as curious and thrill-seeking as you hasn't moved to the other nations in search of excitement.

Kaeya feels threatened.

Over the years, you both fell in the comfortable, but vague place between friendship and something-more-than-friendship,a status quo of sorts. You were a loner at heart - fine with keeping almost everyone at arm’s length and Kaeya, to his disappointment, found that even his charms wouldn’t bend your will.

He could see how uncomfortable yet excited you got, when he showed his less considerate side - when he arrested and fought criminals, when he pulled off his complex plans, when he turned and twisted the words of others to make them scream and writhe and beg. Oh, of course you tried to hide it, your face becoming akin to a mask of stone, but there were other tells - the shine in your eyes, the body language and accelerated breath.

Kaeya also knew what an excitement glutton you are - there is a flame inside of you, needing to consume and devour new tastes, sights, adventures and mysteries. You are predictable in that way, he has a gut feeling that you are wary of him, but the promise of a new enigmatic crime that needs your assistance is almost always enough to lure you back into his arms.

And now he has a new problem at hands - his failed plan. Months of subtle work and manipulation led and were supposed to build up your feelings for this. A public love confession, both sudden and extravagant. Kaeya thought that someone as awkward as you, would cave in under the pressure he would put you through by making his love public.

However you didn’t, even if some, if not most of the onlookers gasped in the shocked disappointment - Kaeya was sure that you two looked like a would-be-couple to the observer’s eye. You stuttered some apologies, hid your face and almost ran away from him.

It grates on Kaeya’s nerves in a special way, annoyance slowly building up. Fortunately, he has a strategy to relieve it, by methodically destroying it’s source.

***

“Thank you, let’s do the next commissions together” you wave goodbye to the fellow adventurer, missing an indiscernible look cavalry captain gives both of you.

Only when the said adventurer leaves, does Kaeya step out of the shadow, his single eyes wholly focused on you. After the confession you started to purposefully avoid him - something that Kaeya thought was possible, but didn’t entertain it enough.

Seeing him is what almost sends you to retreat - relationships are messy, especially after failed public confessions, there’s too much burden now and you never felt the desire to work on any of them leaving everything to take its course. Instead, you stand there, enduring his cold gaze and warm smile, hit by a sudden realization of how childish your thoughts are.

Kaeya must have taken your passiveness as an invitation, as his hand snakes around your shoulder, throwing you off your internal monologue. “[First], I have an interesting case again” he leans in, his breath tickling your neck, “and I need an assistant again, the pay will be like last time”.

In spite of your current discomfort you almost space out, body habitually relaxing near him. “What the thing about?” the cases that Kaeya involves you in are always bizarre and something never seen before, a mystery awaiting to be solved.

He begins describing it to you - a strange string of deaths of young adventurers, all of whom were visionless and most curiously they all died off duty. Young men and women did their commissions, plunged in the domains and fought with monsters, but died inside the city walls, inside their houses and beds, surrounded by safety and comfort.

Kaeya shares that his informant found a hearsay that there were some interesting potions on the black market and he needs you to infiltrate as a visionless adventurer and buy potions, as much as possible.

This evening you leave the city, your heart full of trust for Kaeya, even if your relationship did take a colder turn.

***

You, as Kaeya predicted, still believed him.  Alberich almost felt bad for exploiting and twisting your trust in him , but as he supposed there was nothing more he could do with himself. Your visage filled his head day and nights, sometimes he even daydreamed about the life he would have with you. It would be delightful - to have you underneath his thumb, ready for any whim and perversion he could come up with.

He came to the Angel’s share and ordered a glass of wine, ignoring judgemental stare Diluc pointed at him. He could almost hear Ragnvindr saying “already” and calling Knights inefficient and lazy drunkards. Kaeya happily took a sip of the liquid - all of his plans always carried an element of risk, so the cavalry captain felt a bit agitated. What if you don’t touch the potions? What if the gang will escape with them?

Nevertheless, if you did touch it or not wouldn’t really matter, as catching you red-handed was more important. He needed to make you look guilty - you worked with him unofficially, which meant that no one knew about it, not even Vile. Sure no one would take your word over his, even if you left significant evidence of your innocence, after all a lot of knights are weak to bribes.

He almost hummed, as he imagined things he would do to you once you were imprisoned and completely in his power. He, of course, would save you from the dank dark cell, finding an “overlooked” detail, but not before breaking and molding you a little.

Finishing his wine, he went to the knight’s headquarters, to request the assistance of other knights in the arrest of a dangerous criminal, a spring evident in his step.

***

It was treasure hoarders again, you silently cursed, while dodging one of the attacks. You weren’t the best actor and within the minutes they exposed you. Fighting among the fragile vials wasn’t the best idea, so you moved the fight to the outside. Once they all run after you, you jump over them, raining a constant stream of fire over them. Some of them started to scream, a pure agony written on their face.

Some of the hoarders used a hidden gas bomb, submerging the whole place in smoke and using it to run away. You didn’t run after them, and headed inside instead. There was a significant change: some of the vials that contained transparent liquid now were bright red. You took one of them in and gasped - it felt so warm in your hands - and then you recognized your own elemental energy.

Out of curiosity you reached for the “uncontaminated” one, the colorless liquid rapidly bloomed with scarlet red, as your vision came to life without your command. Was it that deadly potion that Kaeya talked about? You felt how it sucked some of the pyro energy from you, then it must transmit collected energy to its consumer. No wonder all of those adventurers died - without a vision their bodies weren’t used to receiving and processing such amounts of elemental energy.

You tried to take the vials with the “clear” potion, but no matter what you did all of them got dyed in red the second you stood a little closer. Sighing in defeat you collected ones contaminated with your energy and prepared to head back to Mondstadt. You needed to warn Kaeya to take some regular knights with him if Albedo needed samples for analysis.

Suddenly there was a sound of several people running up to you, a Favonius armor coming into the sight. You almost smiled as you saw Kaeya, happy that he decided to help you, until you heard it: “Arrest them!”

[p-artsypants]

The Ghost of Smokey Joe (8)

Here Comes the Boogeyman

FF.net | Ao3

--

Dead ends. 

Nothing but dead ends. 

She went to the courthouse. They found the blueprints for the Agreste manor, put them on the table and unfurled the paper to pour over it. The building had three stories, of which, the lobby and her office were on the bottom floor. 

No basement, nothing close to a basement. 

“Can I help you with anything specific?” Asked the woman who had retrieved the plans. Obviously, Marinette’s distress was a little more evident than she wanted as she gnawed on her bottom lip.

“So, I inherited this house,” she explained. 

“Yes, you showed me the deed.” 

“But I was friends with Adrien, the son of the previous owner. He told me to look in the basement. Other family members said there wasn’t one, and I was hoping that maybe there was, and no one knew about it.”

The attendant gave her a pitiful look. “I’m sorry, Miss Dupain-Cheng, these are the only plans we have on record. In fact, most houses in Paris don’t have a basement.”

So what was Adrien talking about? 

The woman seemed thoughtful for a moment. “Although, if Mr. Agreste wanted to, I suppose he could have commissioned the building of a basement later on. He might not have submitted the documents for it, which is illegal, but it is a possibility.” 

“There’s a chance?”

“I suppose. Have you checked all over for stairways?” 

“Not thoroughly, not yet. I haven’t moved in.” 

“Well, if you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.” 

Marinette smiled at the woman, but ultimately didn’t ask anymore questions. They couldn’t offer her the kind of help she needed. She doubted anyone could. 

Children, have you ever met the Boogeyman before?

No, of course you haven't, for you're much too good I'm sure.

Don't you be afraid of him, if he should visit you.

He's a great big coward, so I'll tell you what to do.

Her next lead was the funeral director, Bill Hunkerson. He had been cagey with Marinette, but maybe his guilt would make him open up more to Ladybug. She just had to play it smart.  

She strolled into the Funeral home, suited up and ready to interrogate. Of course, she was quiet so as not to upset anyone if a service was in session. 

The receptionist spotted her immediately. “Ladybug? Is something the matter?” 

Obviously, it wasn’t common for a superhero to be spotted at a funeral home. The question was justified. 

“I need to have a word with Bill Hunkerson.” 

“Who?”

Oh no. 

“This is Armes-Hunt Funeral Home, right?” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“And a Bill Hunkerson doesn’t work here? As a director?” 

“Oh! My apologies. I’m rather new here. Mr. Hunkerson resigned just as I was starting, about a month ago.”

Ladybug felt her hands growing clammy under the suit. “Are you sure? He was directing Gabriel and Adrien Agreste’s funeral a week ago.” 

The receptionist looked at her, wide-eyed. “Really? We weren’t covering that funeral. I would have remembered something that important. Was he maybe doing it freelance? Maybe he was friends with Mr. Agreste and did the funeral with outside resources.” 

“The programs had your logo on them. The staff were wearing the logo too.” 

Stunned, the receptionist looked around the room. “Just a minute, Ladybug. I’ll get my boss.” 

This conspiracy was unraveling in her hands, slowly like a ball of twine. 

Hush, hush, hush. Here comes the Bogeyman!

Don't let him come too close to you, he'll catch you if he can.

Just pretend, that you're a crocodile,

And you will find that Bogeyman will run away a mile.

The receptionist was hurrying back to her, with an older man in tow. When he arrived, he gave her a comforting smile and held out a hand. “Hello Ladybug, I’m Johann Armes. Rachel said you had some information about Bill?” 

Ladybug rehashed what she had said to the woman, revealing that their funeral home had supposedly taken care of the funeral. 

As her tale went on, Mr. Armes went from confused to shocked to angry. 

“Rachel didn’t lie,” he clarified. “Bill did resign from here about a month ago. He worked for me for twenty years, and then one day told me the work was too much for him, and quit. This is a hard business to be in, so there is a high turnover rate, so I didn’t even think about it. But with what you told me…I wonder if he was being honest.” He pursed his lips into a thin line as he took out his cell phone. “At any rate, he wrongfully took a job from us. What if something had gone wrong? Our name was all over it! Bill better have some answers for me. If not on the phone, then in court.” He furiously scrolled through the phone until he found the contact and dialed it. 

He put it on speaker as it rang. 

Once, twice, then click.

“Bill? It’s Johann. I have some questions for you.” 

There wasn’t an answer on the other line. 

“Bill? You better start talking!” 

The phone clicked again, and the call ended. 

“The prick hung up on me!” Mr. Armes shouted. 

“Where does Bill live?” Ladybug asked. “I’ll go speak to him in person. I really need the information he has.”

“I’ll give you the address.” 

Say Shoo, shoo, and stick him with a pin!

Boogeyman will very nearly jump out of his skin.

Say Buzz-Buzz, just like the wasp that stings,

Bogeyman will think you are an elephant with wings!

Only minutes later, thanks to the speed of her yo-yo, Ladybug arrived at the address provided. 

Though, the dozens of emergency vehicles outside gave her a sense of dread instead.

As she landed, she was greeted by police and ushered to the front of the house. 

A woman in a shock blanket spotted her immediately and ran to her, flinging her arms around her. “Ladybug! Thank Christ you’re here!” 

Ladybug gave her a comforting squeeze and pulled back. “Are you Bill’s wife?”

She burst into sobs. “My Bill! My wonderful Bill! Who would do this to him?!”

Ladybug pulled her into a hug and patted her shoulder. “I know, I know it hurts. Can you tell me what happened?” 

“It just came in through the window! I only saw it leaving, but it was big and black! Like a huge spider!” She was hysterical, waving her arms around and letting the blanket fall to the ground. 

“Ma’am, why don’t you sit back down?” An EMT picked up the blanket and put it on her shoulders. “We can fill in Ladybug from what you’ve said.” 

“Bill! Where’s my Bill? Have you seen him!?” She cried as she was steered over to an ambulance. 

Big and black like a huge spider…was it an akuma? No akuma has set out to murder anyone before. People had turned into ice cream, glitter, and all sorts of things, but never just straight up murdered. 

“Ladybug?” A man in a vest asked. “I’m Detective Joseph Bertony, would you come with me please?”

“Of course.” 

He led her into the Hunkerson home, where every room they passed was spotless and not a hair out of place. 

“What you are about to see is shocking, if you need any time, please speak up.”

When they arrived in the living room, a huge red bloodstain on the wall caught her attention. Below it, the man she had seen at the funeral was propped against the wall. He had a hole in his forehead, and the back of his skull was missing. 

“Oh my god…” 

“It’s…pretty horrible, I must say.” Said the detective. “A couple of people have vomited already.”

“I can understand that.” She felt weak in the legs. If she wasn’t transformed, she probably would have collapsed as well. 

“According to Mrs. Hunkerson, the assailant was a huge black creature that looked like a large spider. She saw it as it was leaving the house through the window. How exactly it killed Mr. Hunkerson is unknown.”

“Do you think it could be an akuma?” 

He gave her a look. “Isn’t that why you’re here? Don’t you and Chat Noir listen to police scanners or something?”

She shook her head. “That’s not it at all. I was coming here to speak to Mr. Hunkerson about something else.” 

“Care to share?” 

She glanced around the room, taking stock of the investigators and police standing around, and decided to beckon him into another room. 

He followed her quietly, concern written all over his face. 

“I know I’m not a detective,” she began. “My job is to deal with akumas and Hawkmoth. But I’ve been running an investigation on my own.” 

“Concerning what?” His tone was sharp. 

Ladybug bit her lip, feeling like a student with late homework standing in front of a strict teacher. She just couldn’t imagine this going well. What should she disclose? Would he tell her to stop and leave it alone? 

Detective Bertony noticed her unease immediately, and gave her a minute to collect herself. When she only grew more hesitant, he rested a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, it’s alright.” 

It was like talking to Adrien for the briefest moment. That's what this was about, after all. Justice for her Kitty. 

“It concerns the Agreste family.” 

“Gabriel and Adrien Agreste, right?” 

“Yes.” 

“I wasn’t involved in that case, but I heard about it. Murder suicide, open and shut case. Cut and dry. So what about it?” 

“I knew Adrien. He wouldn’t have done that.” 

“That's what people said about Jeffery Dahmer too. Not that there’s a comparison.” 

“Right. People have their vices and demons and Adrien isn’t exempt. But that’s not all.” 

He nodded once, indicating that he was listening. 

“Both Gabriel and Adrien’s coffins were buried empty.” 

He frowned. “Your proof?” 

“I saw it with my own eyes.” 

“They let you look?” 

“Nope. But Ladybug has her ways.” 

The detective scratched his chin in thought. “What does this have to do with Hunkerson?” 

“He was the director for the funeral. I think he knew that the coffins were empty, and that’s what got him killed.” 

“So…Hawkmoth is covering up the truth about the Agreste’s?” 

“Up until just now, I didn’t know what to think. But if Mr. Hunkerson was killed by an akuma, that’s what I’m led to believe. I was just at Armes-Hunt funeral home. According to Mr. Armes, Bill Hunkerson resigned a month ago, and yet he directed the funeral a week ago, under their name without permission. Mr. Armes called him and—“ she stopped, remembering a critical detail and pulling up her yo-yo. 

“What?” 

“Someone picked up.” She glanced at the time stamp on her search for his address. It had been 20 minutes since she left the funeral home. “When was he murdered?” 

He glanced at his watch. “Oh, about an hour and a half ago. Why?” 

“Someone answered our call 20 minutes ago. They didn’t say anything, but hung up. Did you find his phone?” 

“We can check the evidence. I didn’t see it.” 

“Would anyone have answered it?” 

“No, that would be tampering. But what does that have to do with this? Someone answered the call. If not, would you have sought him out here?”

“I probably would have come here anyways. I really wanted to hear what he had to say about their funeral.” 

“Tell you what. Since this has to do with my current case, I’m going to get more details on the Agreste murder. Is there a number I can reach you at?” 

“Here’s the number to my yo-yo, if I don’t pick up, just leave a message.” 

He put her number into his phone. “Now, if you don’t mind me asking, what made you start investigating this anyway?” 

“That’s a superhero secret. Sorry detective.” 

“Fair enough. But the more info you give me, the more help I can give you.” 

“I understand. I will consider it and give you as much as I can. But if an Akuma is killing people who know about the Agreste’s, I don’t want any part of my identity getting out.” 

“You have a point. Best not mention my involvement either.” 

“Off the record?” 

“For now, until we have solid evidence and the upper hand. We know nothing about Hawkmoth…unless you do?”

“Nothing. It’s been eleven years and we’ve only fought him face to face a handful of times. It doesn’t help that his akuma rate is slowing down too. At this rate, I fear he’ll retire before we catch him.” 

“I’m sure he’ll slip up soon.” He twisted up his lip. “Maybe he already did, and that’s why the Agrestes perished.”

“One more detail I can give you: Emilie Agreste, Gabriel’s wife, died about 12 years ago. Her coffin was also empty.” 

“You saw it?” 

“I…not personally, but I have a….trick that allows something to phase through solid objects. This ‘something’ reported back that the coffin was empty.” 

“And would this ‘something’ be willing to testify if we get to that point?” 

“Um…probably?” She grimaced. “I’m sorry I’m being so vague, I just…it has to do with the Miraculous, and that’s very sensitive information.” 

“Fine. I won’t pry. But thank you for telling me. I’m not sure how these deaths and Emilie’s 12 years ago could be related, but I’ll let you know if I find anything.” 

“Likewise, Detective. I better be off and see if I can spot this Akuma before it strikes again.” 

“Good luck Ladybug!” 

“I'm going to need it, I’m a little arachnophobic.” 

When the shadows of the evening creep across the sky,

And your mommy comes upstairs to sing a lullaby,

Tell her that the Bogeyman no longer frightens you,

Uncle Henry very kindly told you what to do!

Tonight would have been her patrol night anyway. Joint patrol, her and Chat. 

The third he had missed, and the second after she found out he was dead. 

The last time, she tried to call him. She was on the Agreste’s wall and she called him. He was there, staring right at her the whole time. Hadn’t he cared? Could he not see the frantic desperation on her face? 

She scanned the shadowed streets for the spider-like figure the police had described. It was still early in the night, and the streets were plenty full of happy Parisians enjoying the nightlife. 

If only they knew what lurked around the corner. If only they had seen what she had. The blood on the wall, the soulless gaze in Bill Hunkerson’s eyes. The absolute devastation of his wife. 

It was so messed up. It seemed like everyday since Adrien’s passing, Paris got a little darker. A little more sinister. 

Hush, hush, hush, here comes the Bogeyman!

Don't let him come too close to you, he'll catch you if you can.

Just pretend, your teddy bear's a dog!

Then shout out, "fetch him teddy!" and he'll hop off like a frog!

Ladybug paused to take a break at one of their checkpoints. Normally, if they patrolled separately, this is where they would meet up before splitting up again. And she couldn’t help but linger there for a minute or too, even though no one would come. 

Or so she thought. 

A thump drew her attention to the chimney behind her. It was a black figure, not like a spider, but like a person. 

A person with pointy ears on his head. 

She gasped. “Chat!” 

He whipped his head to look at her, his eyes glowing a solid green in the night. 

“Where have you been?! I’ve been worried sick about you!” 

As she stepped closer, he backed away, keeping his unblinking eyes drilled on her. 

“Chat? What’s wrong? Won’t you come down and talk to me?” 

He backed up farther before darting off into the shadows. 

She had just found him! She couldn’t lose him now! 

She took off after him, listening for the scrambling of his claws on the zinc rooftops. 

He was fast. Faster than normal, and it took every bit of strain to keep up with him.

Finally, she had a good shot and she threw her yo-yo out, snagging him with her rope. He wriggled and squirmed, kicking his legs as he fought for freedom. 

“Settle down, kitty cat,” she said, with annoyance, but concern. “I just want to talk to you.” 

He snapped his alien gaze to her and hissed, spittle drawing lines between his huge canine teeth. 

It made her recoil. 

“Chat? Kitty?” 

He wriggled some more before he got his hand free, then he brandished his claws and cut through her, previously assumed, invincible line. 

Then he bolted, scrambling into the night. 

After his reaction, she didn’t have the heart to chase him down again. 

It was Chat. It was Adrien. It was definitely him. But something was definitely wrong. 

At least she had an idea of where the Black Cat ring was. 

Just pretend he isn't really there,

You will find that Bogeyman will vanish in thin air.

[electricbluebutterflies]

Hi!! Saw that promp list you reblogged, so I'm shooting my shot for Nina + Matthias with this one: 'Learning what the other person likes sexually' thank you 😊

(Also...idk if you'd accept 1 or 2 more requests for this otp? Loved the prompts but I dont wanna spam your inbox. 😜)

I kinda love them... obvious smut ahead and also on ao3.

She’s broken him. He’s not sure how much he minds.

Look, objectively the fact that he is stuck in the frozen middle of nowhere and owes his continued survival to a witch who will not shut up and seduced him more out of boredom than anything that seems like actual desire on her part is… almost all of his worst nightmares come true. But all of that established and ignored, Nina is not the worst possible person to be stuck with. She’s beautiful, occasionally funny in a way that breaks the cultural barriers between them, knows what she wants…

They’ve stopped for the night, no closer to civilization than they were when they woke up but not going around in circles yet – and he’s left subtle markings at each fishing hut they’ve temporarily occupied, he would know – and he knows what happens next, and this time he wants to do better.

Nina is, he has learned over the past few days, a very particular combination of insatiable and bossy. When she decides she wants, and apparently physical activities are how she deals with her everything, she makes herself very clear and pins him to whatever passes for a bed wherever they are. (Or, very briefly yesterday, a wall.) And while Matthias is a willing enough participant in his own corruption, he can’t push away the feeling that the power dynamic is the truly wrong thing here. A man is not supposed to be passive, even when faced with… all of that. But as it is, he’s not sure he’ll get the chance to change it up.

And sure enough, after an improvised meal of probably-undercooked fish, she reaches out. Puts her mouth on his and starts taking kisses, and he’s so powerless and so into it and-

“Stop,” he breathes, unsure if the word even comes out.

To his great surprise, she freezes. She’s still clinging to him, but not actively doing anything more. “You okay? Did I do something-“

“You need to rest,” he murmurs, adding a little endearment in his native language. Yep, she’s definitely corrupted him. “If you want, let me give.”

Nina rolls her eyes. “Are you sure?!”

“I need to learn how to do this… properly.”

The look on her face is the most amused horror he’s ever seen and oh he almost loves her for it. “I am not passive. You do realize that, right?”

“You don’t have to be. I don’t know… tell me what to do.”

She takes a step back. “Alright. How detailed instructions do you want?”

“Tell me how to make you happy.”

Nina takes another step back and shifts her body into an open position. “Alright. Undress me. You’ve seen how all of this works…”

He has, and he steps forward and tries. The buttons of her vest are so tiny, and of course she’d done up all of them, and it takes a frighteningly long time for his fingers to get them all undone. Then her shirt, also made challenging with the laces done up too tight and oh the sight of her curves underneath it is distracting and unfair and-

Somehow, he figures out all the knots and gets it off her, gets rewarded with the sight of her soft skin and pointy breasts. Even this would be enough, and he-

“Put your mouth… somewhere.”

If nothing else, Matthias is good at following orders. Even if they are given by a… no, at this point he doesn’t think she’s a witch. Not like he was taught to believe. Definitely not normal, but far more human than he expected.

Not that it matters, he reminds himself as he leans down and tries to kiss her breasts. She’s even paler there than she is elsewhere, and her body is warm and unfair. She squirms a little, but the noises she makes are happy enough and she hasn’t yelled at him so he’s hopefully not screwing this up too badly and-

On instinct, he puts his mouth around one of her nipples and licks, and her noises turn closer to what she apparently sounds like in bliss. He’s still learning how that works, but if this helps get her there…

“Okay, I was just going to have you straight-up fuck me but nevermind you’re actually good with your mouth,” she says, yanking on his hair to pull him up and off. “This still…?”

“Yes. Keep showing me.”

“I’m not showing you, I’m trying to un-repress you,” she laughs. “Undo my skirt and get me on the bed.”

He does, and without being told he knows what she wants next. Well, this may be the strangest experience yet with her, but…

The space between her thighs is beautiful, swollen pink instead of ivory, already shiny with her warmth. He pokes around with his fingers – this, at least, she has let him do before – and makes a plan. If he’s wrong then he’s wrong and he still expects she’ll get mad at him at some point during this, but until then he-

“Head. Down. Now.” From this angle she looks magnificent, and he can see her desperation in a different way. “Keep going unless I grab your ear, no matter what else I do.”

In the recent past, in the time before she happened to him, all of this was foreign to him. It was, and remains, improper for a man of his status to know too much about the sacred beauty of women before marrying one. In that way he is ruined now, and he cannot imagine any of this being so good with some equally innocent creature. This one is so much better. This one is-

She kicks his shoulder, more out of annoyance than wanting to hurt. “I know I’m cute but get on with it.”

He complies, pressing his mouth to her outer petals. He is well aware he has too much scruff right now, and that might hurt where she’s sensitive… no, might hurt some lesser woman, won’t make this one bat an eyelash. Nina is different and Nina is herself. And she is perfect, he thinks as instinct takes over and he starts to lick. Beautiful wet nightmare.

This is a first attempt, not perfection. His desire to make her happy counts for something, he hopes as he tries different things, because that’s about the only part of this in his favor. This act she’s suggested is so new, something he’s surprised she even wants, and to have his world reduced to her womanly parts is… perfect for him, honestly. He is aware of his own body responding to it, but she hasn’t asked for that yet and maybe she won’t tonight and-

As he is learning is normal for her, Nina falls apart with a few breathless noises. Apparently this also includes clenching her thighs tight enough his head hurts and more of her sweet warmth dripping onto his tongue. For a moment he’s not sure he can breathe either, and-

The pressure lessens and instead of grabbing his ear like she said, she pulls him up to her level by the shoulders.

“Did I… please you?”

She rolls over to cover his face in wet kisses. “You need to have more faith in your abilities. That was nice.”

“What… what now?”

“Do you still want to have me?” she asks, putting her hand between his legs.

As if that’s a question. Matthias has been able to ignore his own body until now, but the slightest touch makes him squirm and he’s still fully dressed and she is unfair and-

“Always,” he breathes. Might as well admit it. “Is that alright? You already…”

“Great thing about having the parts I do is I can fall apart multiple times,” she shrugs like that should be too obvious. “I am perfectly fine with it if you are.”

“Please.”

“Good. Undress for me and… I wanna see what you do.”

It no longer feels awkward to feel her eyes on him as he sheds his layers. Her expression is appreciative, and he’s never thought too much about what his body might look like to other people but clearly the only person who matters right now is into it. Years after her, he thinks, if there is an after her, he will always remember this as he looks at his skin. Impossible perfect woman almost making him happy.

And sure enough, as he’d both hoped and feared, his prick is in full form. And to think he’d expected it would hurt her the first time she wanted him. There’s no fear of that now, but a near-inevitability he won’t last long enough to give her what she wants and-

He looks at her, spread out for him and waiting, and he knows whatever he does will be enough.

Soft beautiful his, he repeats as he maneuvers his body over her. Perfect woman, as he lines up his prick. More than he had ever dreamed of, as he covers her.

She feels perfect around him, and he rolls his hips against hers and tries to find a pattern the way she does when she covers him and he is so sure he’s doing it wrong but she keeps taking kisses anyways so maybe not. Perfect, and he feels himself tense up and no too soon he hasn’t given her everything he hasn’t-

He falls apart anyways, best intentions be damned, boneless on top of her even as their bodies separate.

“I didn’t mean to-“

“Do I look like I’m complaining?”

No, he thinks as he maneuvers his body so most of his weight is off of her, no she does not. If anything, Nina looks the happiest he’s seen her, pink and glowing and content. “You look beautiful,” he says before he talks himself out of it.

“Good.” She shakes her head, her hair flying everywhere. “Are you… was all of that okay?”

She gets under his skin like no one else ever has, and he almost loves her for it and he is undone. “I don’t know if I did it right.”

“There is no right. Not with this. There’s only… what I like may be different from what some other person likes, and each time you’re with someone new you get to figure it all out again.”

“That’s not what I-“

“You made me feel good. As long as you felt good too… that’s the important part.”

And he did, he lets himself feel as they maneuver themselves into a comfortable position for sleep. Dangerous woman. He is ruined for anyone else now, and… maybe that’s alright.

[symphonic-scream]

Okay so here's the summary of what happens in the first section of the ML Genshin au. If you're overly familiar with the lore of the game itself sorry in advance cause things are gonna be different. It's a mix of wanted to incorporate new ideas and I don't remember everything exactly lmao

This of course contains Spoilers for the first three Archon quests in Genshin Impact :) so there you've been warned. Also warning: long post. I'm sorry

--

So the story starts with two travelers soaring through the skies, visiting world after world as they go. However their journey is cut short when they encounter a strange god in the heavens above one such world

The travelers hold out against her for as long as they can, but she gets the upper hand, capturing one of the two travelers. She seals away the powers of the other, trapping him in this world

Some time passes. Our traveler has spent his time trying to survive in the wild in this new world, and has now fished a strange creature up out of the sea. Some floating cat thing, that insists he's not a cat. He calls himself Plagg

Our traveler is blond, with striking green eyes. His outfit is very strange, looking kinda like,, a thick leather armour type stuff but softer. There are dark stars on his shoulders, wrists, on the belt, and in the centre of his chest, and his shirt cuts off at the base of his ribs. Pants are much the same, boots ending just below the knees, and he's got some fancy golden gloves and padding on the knees

The traveler explains what he remembers of his story to Plagg, introducing himself as Adrien. He's not of this world, and he's going to find his identical cousin Felix, who was taken by a strange god, no matter what it takes

Plagg decides to be his guide in this world, which he calls Teyvat, and agrees to help him find the god and his cousin. He explains that Teyvat is divided into seven Nations, each under the rule of one of seven gods called Archons, collectively "the Seven". The land they're in now is called Mondstadt, the nation belonging to the Archon of freedom. And Anemo, the element of wind

Plagg leads Adrien into a small valley, a statue resting in the middle of a small lake right in the centre. The guide calls it a Statue of the seven, this one modeled after Barbatos, the name used for the Anemo Archon. Plagg believes there's a chance the strange god could be one of the seven, so perhaps praying to the statue may give them some answers

However when Adrien gets close, he's infused with a strange power. He now has control over Anemo

This is odd to Plagg because in Teyvat, only humans with something called a vision can use elemental abilities. Visions are gifts from the Archons, used to show who has earned their favour through what's usually some inhuman feat or something like that I guess

The statue left more questions than answers, so Plagg decides they should try to find the god in person in the City of Mondstadt. However on their way to the forest that will lead to the city, a dragon flies overhead

Plagg decides a dragon is too much work to deal with and suggests they turn back, cause maybe your cousin will show up on his own- wait - hey come back here-

Adrien marches on, interested in meeting a dragon. He walks carefully through the trees, stopping short when he spots the dragon and a shorter figure

The person slowly approaching the dragon has their back to Adrien, with pinkish-red hair, wearing a somewhat fancy looking grey hooded jacket, black high boots, and dark cyan trousers. On their left shoulder, attached to their lapel, is a spring green/seafoam?? Kinda? Idk- coloured gem

Their hand is outstretched towards the dragon, who growls lowly as the figure shushes them. Adrien leans in to see better, snapping a twig beneath his boots. At the sudden noise the dragon shoots off into the sky, flying off. The figure whips around to face Adrien, summoning a sword from thin air (vision users can just do this?? There's really no explanation that I've cared to read haha). The figure turns and runs off into the woods after staring at Adrien for a moment

Adrien and Plagg continue on their way through the woods, coming out the other end with no other issues. Once they exit the forest, a woman is calling for their attention

She's dressed in for the outdoors, emerald kinda green overalls that are cut like shorts, white,, idk kinda like tights but thicker?? And brown boots, the same colour as the pretty much useless belt around her waist, where a bright green gem and little pouches rest. Under the overalls is a navy collared shirt, soft fabric, button open at the top, a brown half jacket (cut like a crop top) open over it. Dark hair in two pigtails, bright blue eyes

She introduces herself as Marinette, an adventurer assisting the Knights of Favonius, who protect the city, with keeping monsters at bay from the city. She asks Adrien what he and his, cat? ("IM NOT A CAT!") Are doing outside the city, and he tells her he's looking for his cousin, and maybe Barbatos

Marinette explains that they haven't heard from their god in years, and only recently have they gotten any sign that the Archon actually exists, with the first Anemo vision to be given out in ages and the dragon attacks

Adrien helps her clear out a little monster camp before they head into the city, with Marinette planning on taking Adrien to see the Acting Grand Master to see if she can help

But OH NO DRAGON ATTACK. Adrien hears a voice and suddenly he's got boosted abilities, flying (using a wind glider) up with the dragon, chasing it away from the city by blasting it with Anemo energy

When he lands Marinette asks him what the hell he just did, and someone else steps in, claiming they were about to say the same thing. This woman has orange cat ears sticking out of bobbed orange hair, and is wearing glasses over teal eyes

She's got a simple, dark blue jacket on over a light blue collared shirt, a brown vest between the two. Dark pants, tall metallic, silver boots, a small kinda waist cape?? Idk what they are but she's got one and it's white and furred. A pale baby blue vision hangs from the side of her belt

This is Sabrina, one of the Captains with the knights, Marinette explains. Sabrina escorts the two of them to the headquarters of the knights, claiming the Acting Grand Master wants to speak with them

The Acting Grand Master has long blonde hair tied back in a ponytail, and tired blue eyes. She wears a long dark coat, an orangey brown vision just off the right shoulder. Under the jacket is a dark brown, thick blouse and vest combo. Her pants are a pale brown, and her boots are the same as Sabrina's. Her clothing looks rather lavish

The Acting Grand Master, Chloe, she insists they call her, listens to Adrien's tale. She explains she can help once things calm down with the whole dragon thing. He wants to help, but she can't just let him in for liability reasons and strikes a deal. If he can locate the one citizen that didn't check in and confirm their health after the attack, he earns honorary knight status

The knights and adventurers head out to seek out the temples of three of the four winds while Adrien and Plagg look for this missing person. They follow traces of Anemo energy, leading them to the roof of the knights headquarters where they come face to face with the figure from the woods, the missing citizen

The citizen attempts to run, but they stop her and say the knights are looking for her. The figure cautiously introduces herself as Alix Kubdel, watching the duo cautiously

Plagg speaks first breaking the silence, asking her about what she was doing with the dragon. You know, the dragon that attacked the city? Got an explanation for that?

Alix hesitates but explains that she was trying to calm down the dragon, bond with it. When asked why, she finally explains that she's the New Anemo Archon, and she's still getting used to what she has to do

New? What do you mean new? Plagg kinda hounds at her, Adrien apologizes, and Alix says the last Archon died, and she was eventually chosen as a replacement

By now the knights are returning from the temples and Adrien takes Alix in to talk with Chloe to convince her that they don't need to kill "Stormterror", the name given to the dragon by the city. Alix corrects them, stating his name is Dvalin

Alix has to reveal to Chloe as well that she's the new Archon in order to convince her to let them try Alix's "bonding plan", and they set into action. The group sets off for the lair of the dragon, to confront him headon

Adrien fights the dragon the same way as before, realizing Alix was the one that gave him the ability to do the funky blasting and flying, and then they've got him weak enough that Adrien can do some weird otherworldly healing thing on him

Apparently the dragon was poisoned by the monsters from the Abyss, and was under their orders. Without the aid of the Archon he couldn't fight it, but now that he's met the new Archon, Alix, all is great and dandy and they have a fun chat

They all head back to the city to celebrate, but they're ambushed by a group called the Fatui from one of the other nations, Schnezneya. During the ambush a woman known as Signora, one of the Harbingers who executes the will of the Cryo Archon, gets a hold of Alix

She snatches something called a gnosis from her, leaving her weak on the ground as they flee. The gnosis, uh, it holds like,, uh, the godly powers of an Archon? It's what makes em an Archon I guess? Sorta? Anyways Alix's was stolen so she doesn't have it now

And that's pretty much it. Alix goes to heal at this big ass tree and advises Adrien fo go check out the next nation, Liyue, and their Archon Morax, to see about his cousin and thats it

Adrien would do other stuff before leaving including meeting two Alchemists and helping them explore a mountain, assisting the two owners of the Harmony Tavern with some bullshit and all that but yeah

This is a very condensed version, of the events, but anymore detail and this would be that much longer lmao

If you have any questions comments complaints or whatever let me know. Sorry this was long I tried to condense it as best I could,

[poisonepel]

School Uniform Story Notes ✨ (1/2)

this is for the people like me who can never remember which story a certain scene you’re trying to find came from 💢 and for anyone else who just wants to know what happened 😭😭

Part 1: Heartslabyul, Savanaclaw, Octavinelle, Scarabia Part 2: Pomefiore, Ignihyde, Diasomnia (coming soon!)

Riddle 🌹 There’s No Drawback to Not Knowing

Ace and Cater discuss which phone cases are in style right now; Riddle doesn’t know anything about the latest trends but he’s fine with that because it makes no difference to him. When Ace tries to explain them, Riddle repeats that it’s not important and snaps at them to go somewhere else. Once they leave, he mutters to himself that he’ll look into them later.

They mention that a paper talking about new discoveries in the history of the Land of Hot Sands was published (which affected everyone’s history tests) 👀 I wonder if that involved Jafar at all

Riddle doesn’t check the results of his exams because he knows he always gets 100%

Cater’s phone case is considered trendy right now lmaoo

Ace mentions wanting a phone case design featuring creatures with “fuzzy heads and legs growing out of their eyes” (the momeraths??)

Ace ♥ Such an Honest Freshman

Ace helps Trey carry back groceries from the store, under the guise of wanting a piece of pie with lots of cherries on it in return. Trey suspects that he wants more than just some cherry pie—Ace ends up spilling that he wanted Trey to tell him which topics would be covered on their history tests.

Ace’s brother is 7 years older than him, and used to take him lots of places together 🥺

Trey usually reads or does homework to pass time at the dorm; he didn’t slack off even as a freshman because he knew Riddle would be coming the year after and he didn’t want Riddle to be angry with his grades 😂

Trey used to make sweets for his little siblings when they pestered him for them!! And he’s been helping around his family’s bakery since he was little

Deuce ♠ One With the Wind

Ace can’t decide which club he wants to join since they all sound tempting. Deuce mentions he joined track and field because there was no Magical Wheel club, which gets him started on a tangent about how much he loves those motorcycles and how he can’t believe Ace has never even touched one.

Deuce tried to open a Magical Wheel Lovers Club but Crowley rejected it

When he was little, Deuce used to get Magical Wheel magazines and admire all the models 😂😂

Magical Wheels are fueled by the drivers’ magic power 👀

Deuce loves the high-speed feeling of “becoming one with the wind” (ie. going really fast on a motorcycle, also sprinting and things for track and field)

Cater ♦ The Portrait of Rosalia

Cater tries to get Kalim and Leona to join a party to keep the lonely portrait Rosalia company. The truth is, he just wanted to put Rosalia in a good mood so she’d share what would be on the next history test with him.

Rosalia hangs in the west school building (the rose in the west wing??), near the staff room and has been there for years; she knows stories about magift tournaments from the past.

Cater implies he knows some secrets about Kalim 🤔

Mentions that Leona comes from a ‘ladies first’ culture

Trey ♣ Open Your Mouth

The Queen has a rule saying that if you eat turkey for dinner, you must brush your teeth two times that night. Ace tries to get away with only brushing once, but Trey catches him and asks both him and Deuce to let him smell their breath to make sure they both brushed at least once already; then he apologizes because he used to do that with his little siblings and it became a habit. He proceeds to give them detailed advice about brushing their teeth.

I didn’t like this one lmao it felt kind of pointless

But anyway Trey knows weirdly thorough tooth-brushing techniques, a lot about teeth in general, and has multiple brushes for focusing on different parts of his mouth 🦷

Leona 🦁 I Grew Up Spoiled

Vil needs Leona to take some pictures with him for the school newspaper. Although reluctant at first, he eventually agrees because Vil won’t stop annoying him about it. Before they go to the shoot, Vil notices one of the buttons on Leona’s vest is coming off and offers him his sewing supplies to fix it. But Leona says if he wants it fixed he should just do it himself (also Leona grew up spoiled and doesn’t know how to sew). Vil gets really salty with his attitude and says he’ll only do it because he needs “his props” to look pristine.

They’re both super catty with each other 😂

At one point Vil said the button wasn’t the right one and asked for a different one; Leona handed him a new one and said “Oh btw this is a magic button, it always comes back even if it comes off.” Vil was like “????” and Leona explained sometimes he’ll leave his clothes that lost a button in his room, and he’ll find it later with this button sewed back on again

Vil said it’s probably Ruggie who quietly sews them back on for him 😭😭 but smh Leona just replied “Oh well same deal, it always comes back”

Jack 🐺 I’ll Expose Your Crimes!

Jack smells something weird in the cafeteria and decides to go investigate. The smell first leads him to the Leech twins; he wrestles Floyd for this suspicious briefcase that they have (turns out there was just a beauty serum inside that they were bringing to a customer). Then Jack realizes the smell was actually coming from Epel; he forcibly pulls a container out from Epel’s jacket pocket and finds... several types of onion product in there (Jack hates onions). Epel reveals he’s been hiding the onions because Vil is forcing him to eat really bland food and the onions help give them flavor.

Jack suspected the smell was a chemical leak in the school and his first thought was “I won’t be able to get in today’s workout!!” sir,,,,,

His sense of smell gets immensely better in his wolf form

After they sorted everything out, Epel invited Jack to sit with him for lunch 🥺

Ruggie 🐆 In Grandma’s Hands

Ruggie comes down to the cafeteria in the middle of the night because Leona wanted a midnight snack. He finds a bunch of vegetables in the kitchen and decides to make some soup with them. Jade appears and informs him that those actually belong to him; to avoid having to owe him any debts, Ruggie offers to teach Jade some ways to cook them, since the reason Jade had left them there in the first place was so that he could ask the ghost chefs for recipe suggestions in the morning.

The awkward laugh they shared when Ruggie realized the vegetables were Jade’s tho 😂😂 I wish the side stories were voiced omg

The one who taught Ruggie all of those recipes was his grandma

Also Ruggie sings while he cooks 👁👁💖

Azul 🐙 Just One Die

Idia brings a game called The Magical Game of Life to one of the board game club meetings; Azul gets very passionate about it despite at first turning his nose up at games that only rely on luck. Eventually he starts practicing how to perfectly throw a die to land on the number he wants so he can cheat the luck factor.

Azul.... honest to god he never slacks off 😭

Jade 🐬 A Mindset I Can’t Understand

Jade is making teas in the middle of the courtyard when Kalim stops by to see what’s going on. Kalim ends up talking about teas from his home, and Jade asks if he could show him how to brew the special tea they have for guests. It’s supposed to be super sweet so Kalim insists on dumping as much sugar as possible into the cup, but Jade really hates sugar.

Kalim got so disgusted when Jade was talking about his raw meat diet in the sea 😂😂

But also Kalim 🙏 He tries so hard to help everyone but he always happens to miss the mark

Floyd 🦈 Talk with Me About Something Fun

Floyd gets bored working on a report so he decides to go bug Riddle, insisting that they do their homework together. He helps Riddle find a book he needs but won’t quit playing around with him over it. In his anger, Riddle brings up how differently Jade is compared to him, and Floyd immediately gets bored and leaves.

The book Riddle needed was called “The History of Magic Carpet Weaving”

Kalim 🦂 Let’s Get Along!

Kalim is shopping at Mr. S’s Mystery Shop for the Scarabia 1st years welcome party. Riddle asks him why he’s the one running errands and not Jamil (the reason was that Jamil was stressed with how Kalim was handling the decorations for the party so sent him away basically 😂). Kalim ends up inviting Riddle to the party; he only agrees after he hears there will be a magic carpet there.

Kalim is so rich it hurts 💀 Riddle called him out for yawning during dorm leader meetings and he said “If I yawned at Scarabia, Jamil would just get my bed ready for me!”

When he was talking about the magic carpet Kalim said “Let’s go to the end of the world together” (Was that the name of the wintry tundra in Aladdin??)

This is the one where Kalim talks about how he only eats Jamil’s food because he used to get poisoned as a child; his dad & Jamil had told him “This is the fate of the oldest son of the Asim family”

Jamil 🐍 I Mean It

At lunch, Kalim and Ruggie go get food for themselves plus Jamil and Leona; while they’re waiting, Leona implies that Jamil might try to hurt Kalim someday, much to Jamil’s offense. Later Ruggie and Jamil mull over having to work with their respective ‘masters.’

Leona’s intelligence is often downplayed bc of how lazy he is but he really is good at figuring things out 👁 This was shown in Cater’s story too.

Ruggie and Jamil having that little squabble about how they think each other’s masters (for lack of a better word) would be more difficult to deal with was kind of cute 😂

[carewyncromwell]

[HPHL] Jackson Knightly Moodboard

We can do what we're told, We can go where we're lead, But I learned from my father to see what's ahead! Nothing here to hold me, no one that I owe... Funny how a boy can grow! Funny how a city tells you when it's time to go!

~“My Petersburg,” from Anastasia the musical

Full profile under the cut! 💚

HOGWARTS LEGACY PROFILE (template inspired by @hogwartsmysterystory​)

Name: Jackson Lucas Knightly

Nicknames: Jack, Jackie, Jax, Jacko, Knightly

Blood Status: Half-Blood

House: Slytherin

Magical abilities: Wandless/wordless magic; (5th year on) Animagus (European adder with a white line on the left side of its lower jaw)

Wand: Ebony and Dragon Heartstring, 12 inches, temperamental

Personality: Witty, animated, sociable, curious, intelligent, resourceful, resilient, impractical, ambitious, rebellious, capricious, mercurial, flirtatious, overthinker, easily distracted, procrastinator

Myers Briggs Type: ENFP

Sexuality/Gender Identity: Gay / Cisgender Male

Birthday: May 29 (Gemini)

Appearance: Short wavy dark brown hair; bright "ocean blue” eyes with flecks of green, long-fingered hands; a rather youthful, boyish face; a small white scar on the left corner of his lower lip; a charming smile “so handsome it could belong to Lucifer himself, either before or after the fall”

History:

Jackson is the only child of disgraced witch Cassandra Knightly and her husband, a Muggle named John Eglinton. Cassandra was initially disowned by her family due to her becoming pregnant out of wedlock -- even her marrying John to try to protect her honor didn’t mend fences with her family, as the Knightlys never approved of Eglinton.

It seems they were right not to trust Eglinton, for when Cassandra felt the need to tell John that she and their son Jackson had magic (after Jackson at age nine had somehow managed to levitate himself completely off the ground after nearly falling out of a tree), Eglinton decided to try to capitalize on it. Knowing his wife wouldn’t approve and would probably try to stop him with her own magic, Eglinton kidnapped Jackson and fled the country so that he would be the sole person with control over Jackson’s life and activities.

Eglinton took Jackson to New York, where he used his son as a pawn in his scams as a supposed “spirit medium.” Eglinton got a lot of acclaim and money for his supposed “supernatural abilities,” which in truth were Jackson making things levitate or conjuring up things like flowers or fog with wandless and wordless magic.

Jackson was stuck marching to the rhythm of his father’s drum for several years before befriending a young Pureblood witch named Adelia Selwyn @that-ravenpuff-witch​, whose family lived in New York City. Adelia tipped her family off to young wizard Jackson being in the sole custody of his Muggle conman father, and the Selwyns (not being very keen on Muggles) tipped off the MACUSA. The MACUSA took Jackson into their custody and erased all memory of his magic from Eglinton’s memory, leaving him to try and fail to recreate the tricks he’d had his son do with magic and subsequently lose all credibility and fade into obscurity and poverty. Despite how amiable Jackson generally is, he feels no pity whatsoever for his father’s fate and if pressed would have to admit he doesn’t even care if Eglinton is still alive or not.

Jackson was subsequently returned to his mother Cassandra in England and the following year was allowed to finally start attending Hogwarts. He was delighted to find his friend from New York, Adelia, in his year and house, and the two soon became very close confidants.

When he arrived at school, his talent for wandless and wordless magic without training and marked affinity for ancient magics in particular got Jackson a lot of attention. Jackson doesn’t dislike the attention, but he’s of the opinion that there’s so much more he can learn and do, so no one should think he’s going to be satisfied just being where he’s at. Now that he has access to all of this knowledge and magic, he wants to take the Wizarding World by storm!

Other Facts:

Jackson fashion-wise would be considered a “dandy” in the vein of Oscar Wilde. Expect a lot of tailored jackets, embroidered vests, thin-legged trousers, and perfectly tied ascots.

Jackson’s best subjects tend to be “flashy” subjects like Defense Against the Dark Arts, Care of Magical Creatures, and Transfiguration, though because of his talent for ancient magics, he is actually rather capable at History of Magic as well. His worse subjects tend to be “quieter” subjects like Potions and Herbology.

Although Jackson’s a charmer, he’s actually very hard to woo as a lover given his tendency to overthink people’s intentions and growing up with a hyper-masculine and therefore rather homophobic father. Jackson’s very friendly and a total flirt, but he’s actually a lot more sensitive than his witty, rebellious, affable air would first suggest.

One of Jackson’s dreams is to one day own and tame a dragon, specifically a Hebridian Black. In the meantime he’s contented himself with adopting a black cat familiar, who he calls Lenore.

Jackson is very fond of poetry, especially the works of Edgar Allen Poe, Oscar Wilde, Lord Byron, and Robert Browning.

One of his loftiest ambitions is to become Minister for Magic, though he’s also quite fancied the thought of becoming an actor, Dragonologist, or Cursebreaker. No matter what, he wants to do things his way and ruffle a few feathers along the way. Because hey, f*** the system, right?

Jackson has undiagnosed ADHD -- he’s pretty much always moving and always thinking, and his brain never really turns off. It also makes it difficult for him to finish projects and causes him to procrastinate and forget important details and deadlines.

One of Jackson’s special talents is public speaking -- if you need someone to help you give a presentation or convince someone else of something, Jackson is your guy. He pretty quickly finds a comfortable position as a Quidditch commentator during Inter-House Quidditch matches.

Jackson is the sort of person to add monikers onto just about everyone’s names and/or give people affectionate “titles,” i.e. “my dear [name here]” or “my [adjective here] friend.” He also frequently sticks to “Mr./Miss/Ms./Professor/whatever [surname]” until he considers you a friend, at which point he will definitely give you a nickname or two. (His best friend Adelia Selwyn’s are “Addy” and “Lia.” For male friends, he’ll sometimes just call them by their surnames, though he just as frequently will call them other nicknames too.)

Face Claim: James McAvoy (specifically in the film Becoming Jane)

[howtowhumpyourhiccup]

Whumptober Day 24: Silently We Endure

Summary: Written For Whumptober Day 24. A thousand years after the passing of his Rider, Toothless has found him again. This person is both familiar as well as completely foreign to him, but the kind of past he's left behind as he lives with Toothless and the other dragons matters little. He has found him again and that is enough for Toothless.

Rating: Teen and up

Characters: Hiccup, Toothless, Stormfly

Pairing: None

Words: 2 787

Fandom: How to Train Your Dragon

Prompt: "Forced Mutism”

Whumpee: Hiccup

Author’s Notes: MY 100TH SUBMISSION TO AO3!!!!!

Written for the Whumptober prompt: "Forced Mutism" But instead of showing the whumpee being made mute, I have it as something that is just there.

Constructive criticism is appreciated!

Enjoy!

Ao3

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Just like any other day nowadays, today is unbearably hot as well. The sun beats down on the Earth and Toothless finds little solace in the shade, where it is only slightly less hot.

It is late in the afternoon and still the heat hangs on, stubbornly refusing to leave and making all of those trapped within it suffer. He finds himself preferring the chill of the North from so long ago.

It is cooler, though. It is just slightly cooler than it was hours ago at midday and that is the only reason why he is outside in the shade now and not in the cave he and his Rider have made their own.

He's an old dragon. He shouldn't be exposed to such heat when there are places he can lie in that are much more suited to his needs, but his Rider is out here and even after all this time he will still do anything and everything for him.

Now that he thinks of it, he should probably check up on him again and make sure he isn't doing anything reckless when he should be busying himself with making their home livable.

Unlike him, Hiccup isn't old. He's still 18-years-old, a young man, and therefore much too energetic and prone to foolishness.

The home he's supposed to be making liveable is an enormous cave system on the side of a mountain. While the outside is much too hot during the day, the temperature inside the cave is much more stable and thus easier to endure than the outside.

It's a dragon's kind of home, quite suitable for someone who is more dragon than human himself. And safer for him than any human settlement can be, too.

The details are lost on Toothless, but Hiccup wants to somehow bring cooler air into their home through the use of the sun. He has no idea how he's going to accomplish that, but that is the gist of it.

Using humanity's current technology, he wants to create a house specifically for plants, too, a place for animals, a dragon nursery, and so much more. Toothless isn't sure how this will all work, but he believes his Rider capable. This Hiccup will not remember it, but he has proven himself capable of great things before.

He's trying to create an entire village and he's doing it all on his own. Of course, the dragons present are willing to help in any way they can, but much of it is still Hiccup's work. His brain work, at least.

Deciding to get up, Toothless stretches his stiff body, his back and joints popping loudly, his wings in particular before he exits the chamber he and Hiccup have made their own.

There isn't much yet, just the mere beginnings of a home, but it's enough for them for the time being.

The cave system is extensive and it is roomy. Some of the chambers have a sky pocket that allows the light of the sun to come in and it's in such a room that Toothless finds his human.

It is large, dusty, and sandy with little plant life, and in the center is Hiccup with an adolescent Rumblehorn and Toothless remembers him well. He and Hiccup, still insisting on saving every dragon in need, saved this one about a week ago. He has been injured and Hiccup has been nursing him back to health.

He is with him now and tending to his wounds, changing the dressings. Stormfly is there as well, patiently holding his satchel with medical supplies in her beak.

Rumblehorns have thick armor covering their entire bodies except for their underbellies. Hiccup is tending to a wound on the side of this one's belly, using something that sticks to keep the dressings in place.

Toothless' entrance draws Hiccup's attention and he smiles before waving. The dragon responds by coming over with a skip in his step and cooing before he headbutts his Rider and nuzzles him, an affectionate gesture that Hiccup gladly returns with a breathy laugh.

He points towards the wound and Toothless sees what Hiccup wants to show him. The Rumblehorn is well on the mend and the injury looks better than it did when they first found him.

Rumbling proudly at the human's skill, Toothless nudges his back before he lets him work, Hiccup waving him off.

He can practically see it on his face, the "okay, Bud, see you later". He can still hear it in his voice, too, and that while Toothless has never heard him speak in this life before.

His Rider, he can't talk and not by choice.

Though he was walking away, Toothless pauses to watch him get back to work, spotting the faint scar on his throat. The people who did that to him are unknown to Toothless and they should count themselves lucky for that.

"I talk too much," Hiccup had once told him. Or rather, signed to him as he uses his hands to speak now. It's like the hand signals the Dragon Riders of old once used, but much more elaborate. Old as he is, Toothless still manages to understand him even now. His hands have always been very talkative.

Toothless will never understand the reasoning behind a human hurting another human, let alone take away a physical part of them so important to their everyday life.

The dragon returns to his human's side again, who glances at him with a brow raised in confusion. His face is still just as expressive as he remembers.

Lying down next to him, Toothless watches the rest of the treatment instead of going back to the slightly more comfortable room like he originally intended. Hiccup reaches, left hand holding the new dressings in place and a metallic hand comes to land on his head for a quick petting.

Much like his Viking, this one has lived a life already.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Toothless always keeps an eye on Hiccup, feeling more responsible for the much younger one than ever before.

But in the event that they're not together, they still have a way for him to call out to his dragon.

As Toothless is just down the entrance hall of the cave, searching for his rider as Stormfly made it clear that he was outside in the searing sun when he hears a whistle. Since he can't shout, that's his call for him, a high-pitched whistle. It reaches quite far and is quite loud, which makes it perfect.

Toothless comes running.

"Eh? What was that for? You're not alone?" For as temperamental as dragons can be, there's a certain species of animal that Hiccup fears more than the firebreathing creatures he lives with.

Humans.

Toothless comes outside growling, spotting the two giving his rider trouble. It's not like Hiccup is defenseless, he knows how to knock a head or two around. He just feels much safer with a dragon near, with the Night Fury especially.

"Oh shit, is that a dragon?" One of them yelps in both surprise and amazement, both of them stumble backward in fright.

They are both oddly dressed, having too much stuff on their person. But then they also have something Toothless believes is called a "car" with too much stuff. Traders, perhaps? Or are they thieves?

Feeling much more secure with Toothless around, Hiccup faces the two humans who have come, quite literally, to the middle of nowhere for reasons that can't possibly be good.

"I have nothing." He signs, an air of suspicion around him as he doesn't trust these two at all.

"Again, we have no idea what you're saying, kid. Can't you use your words at all?" The one with the blue vest tied around their waist asks. Since they haven't shared their names yet, Toothless will be referring to this one as "Blue Vest" and the other one as "Red Scarf".

"If they could, I'm sure they would've. But they can't, they're mute." Red Scarf points out to the other one, who looks sheepish.

Toothless isn't sure what to think of these two. Despite their mysterious appearance in this area and their unknown reasons, they don't give off any bad vibes. What sets him off is Hiccup's distrust of them and he distrusts any human they have met so far in their one year since their reunion.

He has reasons not to trust them, sad as they are.

As Hiccup approaches Toothless, coming to stand by his side in the crook of his wing, Red Scarf points something out to their companion. They are both staring at the right side of Hiccup's head, where his hair is the shortest.

"You're a slave?"

Blue Vest asks and Hiccup presses himself further into his dragon's side, hand on his scales. Toothless can almost hear his heart beginning to race.

He shakes his head, offended that they would even ask, though the scar they noticed was indeed once a brand. His glare says enough. And for a short moment, the air is tense. What will the two do now that they have figured this out?

"Not anymore. Doesn't matter if he's a runaway or bought himself free either." Red Scarf states and goes to the back of the car to look in the back.

"Explains the mutism." Blue Vest awkwardly says to their friend, rubbing the back of their neck.

"And your location. You're hiding?" Red Scarf asks, but Hiccup isn't answering that, which is ironically the only answer they need.

Red Scarf comes back holding something wrapped in brown in their hands and cautiously approaches Hiccup, who has to stop himself from backing up. Red Scarf keeps glancing back at the dragon, watching for any signs of aggression.

Toothless lets them get closer, not sensing any ill intent in their approach. When they reach his human and push that pack into his hands, they back off again and join their friend.

"We're leaving now, we're going to leave you alone. So take care, okay? Don't run into any trouble?" Red Scarf asks, to which Hiccup nods reluctantly, confused by these turn of events.

Meeting humans has never gone well for him and these two were the first since coming to live here with these dragons.

It surprises him that they are kind and want him to stay safe instead of trying to drag him back to wherever someone like him needs to be.

They drive off, leaving Toothless content with the way this interaction has gone and Hiccup feeling confused and unsure what he should think of this. But he opens the pack and finds neatly packed food with a container of water and he didn't even need to trade anything for it. He's been given this purely out of the kindness of their hearts.

Has his previous low status garnered him sympathy? In hindsight, they seemed nice. But despite this, Hiccup's history with other humans means he isn't sure what to think or feel.

Toothless headbutts his back to tell him to come back inside with the other dragons. It's getting late, the sun is nearly all the way down, it's time for bed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

He was sold into slavery early into his teens.

He doesn't know why he's not even sure if it's the truth. All he knows is that this is what he's been told his entire time as "free labor" before he inevitably escaped.

Toothless wasn't surprised to hear that the reason Hiccup is now free is that he escaped. He has always been a free spirit, even as a Viking, especially as a Viking. Unable to be pinned down, too stubborn to just give up the fight. He can stumble, but he clearly did not give up until he could taste the sky.

He hasn't given the dragon the details on what happened during that time and maybe he never will. All that Toothless truly knows is that it makes Hiccup wake up and break out in tears during many of the nights they spend together.

There are no loud sobs, no crying. Toothless wakes up to labored breaths and lifts his head to look at the troubled human as he sits within his coils. Curled up, his knees to his chest and his arms wrapped around them, he cries.

He does so without sound, he can't help it without a voice. If Toothless didn't have such a sharp hearing, he wouldn't have even noticed.

Crooning, Toothless straightens and nudges Hiccup's temple to draw his attention. He gives it to him, wrapping an arm around the Night Fury to keep him close. The other, his right, he cradles to his chest. It must hurt and Toothless can guess what the nightmare he woke up from must've been about.

Because his right forearm and hand, just like his left leg once again, is a prosthetic. It's not like any replacement the Vikings he once knew used to have as his new hand looks and works like a hand and his metal foot looks and works like a foot.

He built them both himself from whatever scraps he could find after his escape. Even when he only had one hand to work with, he still created the other without help. Toothless has watched him do it.

And because they are made of scraps, they look like scraps, but to Toothless, they are the most advanced things he has ever seen and his human made them! He can still make everything.

But right now is not the time to think of Hiccup's ingenuity. His right arm is hurting, phantom limb pain, and it's making bad memories resurface. Because whoever used to own him before, they're the ones who took so many parts from him.

"Toothless," A raspy voice, barely above a whisper, crawls out of his throat with much difficulty. The only reason the dragon can hear it is because of his exceptional hearing.

Knowing that a breakdown might be imminent, Toothless quickly wraps a foreleg around him to pull him closer as Hiccup silently sobs and snuggles closer to his dragon in search of comfort and safety. It must've been a terrible nightmare and his arm hurting certainly doesn't help.

Moaning sadly, Toothless holds him closer and lets him cry.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

It took the better part of a couple of hours before Hiccup could calm enough for them to fall back asleep. He'd needed to let it all out and take some painkillers to make the hurting in his arm stop. After that, once the pain in his heart had abated, too, he could finally sleep again.

It's nights like that that the old Night Fury hates the most. When his Rider is in so much pain that he suffers for hours on end and he hates that he wasn't there to keep it all from happening. So he could keep his leg, so he could keep his arm, the trust in other humans that is supposed to be infallible unless necessary, his voice.

They broke him, tore him piece by piece so many times that even he could hardly survive. Whoever thought themselves deserving of his Rider, Hiccup Haddock, and decided they could be his tormentor they are nameless and faceless, but Toothless despises them all the same. They better hope that they never run into him.

But there is one saving grace.

The next morning after a most difficult and emotionally taxing night, a soundless and breathy laugh reaches the old dragon's ears and he looks over at Hiccup and his latest project, the one that is supposed to bring cooler temperatures during the nigh unbearable Summer days. It, too, is made out of scraps and parts collected on their many trips.

But instead of working now, when the day is cool, Hiccup spends his time playing with the few hatchlings that have managed to be born in this cave. Their numbers are dwindling everywhere.

His arm prosthetic gone for the day after the night he's had to let the limb have a break, Hiccup plays with the hatchling by throwing his wrench in a game of fetch.

It always takes a while to come back to him, the little nadders fighting amongst themselves for who gets to bring the tool. And in the meantime, Hiccup continues his work, frequently looking back at the three before he has to inevitably throw the wrench again.

It's the nights that lay him bare, that show him at his most vulnerable and shows the barely glued cracks inside of him. But during the day, that's when he shows that, despite being broken, he can still thrive just fine.

So Toothless can lay his head down again and continue his rest for the moment.

[bookandcranny]

Stone Heart Gambit

Part 1 - Chapter 1

Soso likes her town, but she’s starting to think she’s never going to find a single interesting thing about it. There’s a supermarket, a park, a few family-owned shops and eateries that haven’t yet succumbed to the pressure put on them by the encroaching chain franchises. Pretty standard small-town fair, not unlike the one she grew up in.

Therein lies the problem. She’d been so excited to leave home for the first time all those semesters ago that she hadn’t considered that change doesn’t always equal improvement, and putting a hundred miles of distance between her and her old problems didn’t guarantee her a perfect new life. She doesn’t particularly miss living with her parents, rather she finds herself feeling homesick for a place she doesn’t think she’s found yet. There’s a restlessness in her-- her mom claims she gets it from her dad, and vice versa. It’s plagued her in small ways all her life, in the way she finds new friendships but struggles to make them last, in the way she throws herself into new passions only to grow bored of them within weeks, in the way college had seemed so thrilling and full of promise when she was a bright-eyed freshman and now here she is, on indefinite academic leave, struggling to remember what it was she saw in the place that was worth a lifetime of student loans.

She only has so long to figure it out too. She wants to finish her degree, she does, but art requires inspiration and there’s only so much to photograph in a town whose main export is cow shit and stale gossip. If she changes her major again at this point her advisor is for real going to mount her head on a pike outside the bursar’s office, so she has to at least try.

It doesn’t help that she’s pretty much limited to the immediate vicinity surrounding her housing co-op until she either manages to get herself a car or the bus drivers union wins their latest standoff with city hall. Cars cost money though, which means getting a real fulltime job, which she expects will spell the end for any lingering chance of her going back to school anyway. The snake devours its tail, and Soso commutes by bike.

Soso’s handy; she’s confident she can fix anything given enough time, the right tools, and a couple reliable video tutorials. That, among other odd jobs, is her main preoccupation right now. It’s something, but she can’t picture herself changing tires and cleaning out gutters for elderly neighbors to support her Chinese takeout dependency forever. At the rate she’s going, her best customers are going to start dying off before she graduates.

On that morbid note, Soso decides she needs to get out of the house. She slings her bag over her back just in case she manages to run into something photo-worthy and grabs her bike. It’s a brisk autumn afternoon and the fresh air is just what she needs.

On the way out she runs into one of her housemates, Carmen the highly caffeinated, returning from campus looking frazzled. Soso isn’t particularly close with any of her housemates, frequently as they tend to come and go, but that doesn’t stop her from offering her sympathies.

“Any luck with the research?”

Carmen groans. “My paper is doomed. Remind me why I thought ‘modern impact of classical mythology’ was a good choice for my level 300 history course?”

“Uh, beats me.” In reality she thinks it sounds like a fun subject, but it doesn’t feel her place to say so given that while Carmen’s been slaving away at the school library, she’s spent the better of her day half-watching questionable documentaries on alien conspiracies.

“Ensfield is full of weird old superstitions and legends,” she goes on frustratedly. “The old bridge makes it on one of those ‘top 10 spooky locations’ lists like once a month. Complain about a cough to the wrong person and suddenly you get people telling you you’re hexed and you need to walk in a circle counter-clockwise under the new moon to get rid of it.”

She’s pretty sure that’s not a thing, but nods anyway, waiting for the point she hopes is coming.

“You’d think the library in a town like this would have better sources on mythology. But no, all I get is a shrug and the same three books everyone else in the class is using. If I want to bump up my GPA, I need something you can’t just find on Wikipedia.”

Another one of their housemates crawls out from the shrubbery by the porch. “Maybe you should try that other library.”

“Jesus!” Carmen jumps. “What are you doing down there?”

Phoebe brushes dirt off her knees. “I saw a black cat go into the gap.” She points at a thin crack in the woodwork. “Halloween is coming. Any cats, especially black ones, you see wandering around need to be brought to the shelter pronto. People do terrible things to them if they see them wandering around this time of year.”

Soso squints. “Looks too small to fit a cat.”

“I saw what I saw. Anyway, there’s supposed to be an old town library way past the woods, thataway.” She points. “Guy who works there is really weird I heard but almost no one goes there anymore so you’d have first pick.”

Carmen looks thoughtful. “I think I’ve heard of it. I kind of thought it was just something people made up.”

“Nah, it’s real. My brother’s fraternity brings freshman there to haze them. They tell them to go up and throw eggs at the place and then ditch ‘em in the woods.”

Soso blinks. “Why?”

She shrugs. “It’s just a thing they do. It sucks and it’s totally immature but no one ever accused those guys of being creative.”

“Whatever,” Carmen says. “I’m done with books for today. I’m gonna go inside and enjoy some nice brain-rotting TV.”

“Good call, honestly. If you get caught hanging around that place too much they’ll probably start egging us next.”

Carmen heads inside and Phoebe goes back to making little coaxing noises at the gap in the porch. Soso frowns to herself. Sometimes she feels like people in this town purposely go out of their way to ruin anything that could be the slightest bit different. It’s probably just a normal library that happened to be in a weird spot, run by a typical cranky old librarian. Even if it is nothing it probably has more to offer than spending the rest of her day throwing french-fries to birds and squirrels in the Burger Beast parking lot.

“Hey Phoebe,” she says. “Where did you say that library was?”

 --

 The trip is longer than she had anticipated. Her legs are strong but the sun’s getting low enough that she worries she’ll be riding home in the dark. A generous part of it she blames on Phoebe’s vague directions, scribbled into a patchwork paper map of hear-say more than anything else. Despite this she continues. She’s snapped a few pictures of the foliage in its brilliant reds and golds, so if all else is a bust at least she won’t have completely wasted her time. Worst case scenario, she returns home with a little extra muscle on her calves from all the pedaling.

Well, the real worst case scenario is probably more along the lines of her getting caught by an axe murderer and left to rot in the spooky woods, another ghost for the local repertoire. Even then, at least she won’t have to worry about the next family phone call if she’s dead.

Grim musings aside, she loops back and manages to find the correct path, a trampled dirt road half-hidden under the leaf litter, and at last make her way to the fabled “other library”. It’s one of those old brick buildings, surrounded by a low fence that struggles to hold its own against the climbing vines and insects nibbling at its posts. It’s early enough in the season that their collective buzz-chirp-hum still fills the air, though otherwise it is almost eerily quiet. It’s strangely peaceful, Soso thinks as she wades through wild patches of tall grass, as if she were returning to somewhere familiar.

The place is clearly abandoned, she decides, sunlight refracting off the firmly shuttered windows. It’s a cool discovery to be sure, but she ought to have known a mysterious library in the woods with an equally mysterious shut-in tending it was too much to expect from a town like Ensfield. That doesn’t stop her from exploring though. She likes it here, and she especially likes the gorgeous, ancient-looking gargoyle that sits in front of the steps leading up to the entrance, like one of those stone lions that stand guard outside of libraries of greater fame than this one.

The thing is magnificent, as well as truly hideous, its face twisted in a snarl so visceral and strikingly lifelike that it sends a genuine chill down her spine. The attention to detail, to carving out each individual wrinkle of flesh, is astounding. The stance the stone creature is frozen in comes off much more threatening than the regal intensity she might have expected, and it seems to her a counterintuitive choice of décor, but one the artist in her wholeheartedly approves of.

Propping her bike up against the stairs she crouches in the shadow of the gargoyle to get a better look. Organic shapes like vines encircle the beast, so lifelike that feels compelled to touch, as if they might fall away under her fingertips. Just as she reaches out however, the front doors of the library swing open and a stout, middle-aged man rushes out.

“Don’t- who- don’t touch that! It’s- it’s not-“ he stammers. “It’s an antique. Very breakable.”

The man is well-dressed, but his head of yellow hair is mussed to one side, like he’s just woken from a nap, enforced by the wrinkles he anxiously tries to smooth out of his vest. His eyes are a shocking shade of spring green.

“Sorry?” Soso offers, still recovering from the fright. She pulls her hand back guiltily and he seems to relax. How fragile could something made of stone be, she wonders, that he would work himself up into such a state over it. “Uh, is this the library?”

The man finishes straightening himself out before he responds. “That’s what you’re here for? Books?”

“What else?” she asks. His eyes remain narrow with scrutiny, so she adds, “Books on mythology. It’s for a school project. I heard… I am in the right place, right?”

There’s a copper plaque by the door that reads “North Ensfield Public Library”, but at this point she’d be as willing to accept that she wandered into a random person’s front yard, for how he looks at her. After another awkward pause, the man turns back towards the entrance and gestures for her to follow.

“Sorry about that. I don’t see many regular patrons anymore, not for a while now. Pardon the mess.” He speaks quickly, not leaving any room for interruption.

There isn’t much mess to pardon, not really. In fact, the shelves look well organized, if a bit dusty, and the space isn’t as cramped or cluttered as she had expected from the outside. A certain saying about books and covers comes to mind, but she doesn’t think her host would appreciate the joke. It’s no wonder he doesn’t see many people if he acts this way with everyone. Soso bumps into a table and nearly upsets what seems to be a pyramid assembled from various glasses, topped with an upside-down teapot.

“Do you live here?” she asks before she can curtail her curiosity.

“I’m a librarian,” he answers. “This is a library.”

“Right, but that doesn’t…” she fumbles.

“Do Canadians not live in Canada? Do Norwegians not live in Norway?”

“Vegetarians don’t live in vegetables,” she counters.

He considers that. “Well-played.”

Soso laughs despite herself and, to her surprise, things seem to go more smoothly after that. She continues speaking with the librarian and learns that his name is Surehouser, though if there’s a first name attached to that one, she doesn’t catch it. He’s certainly as eccentric as the rumors had led her to believe, but he seems harmless, and quite frankly more than a little lonesome. She doesn’t know how a person could be anything else, living like this.

He’s not friendly or unfriendly; his words have a measured quality to them, as if he’s afraid of saying too much. Soso gets the impression, as the sole carer for this seemingly ancient place, his occupation is more out of a sense of obligation than a passion for literature. He looks the part of the academic for sure, down to the silver that threads through his hair and the half-moon reading glasses folded in the front of his shirt, but his eyes track her as she browses like he doesn’t know what to do with someone who actually wants to check out a book.

“Do you have an idea of what you’re looking for?” he asks after she’s been at it for a while.

She doesn’t want to admit that not only is she not sure, since it’s not really her class she needs it for, but that whatever organizational system is in place here is totally incomprehensible to her. “Anything you have should be good.”

Which is how she ends up checking out way more than she meant to, sending up a tiny prayer that her comparatively tiny backpack can rise to the occasion. Surehouser gives her a look like he knows what’s going through her head as he leads her to the front desk. There’s no computer in sight, just a leatherbound book of names and dates and a thick rubber stamp.

“On my way out, would you mind if I took some pictures of that statue you have out front? For my project.” She adds that last part as an afterthought, then regrets it right away. She’s a notoriously terrible liar and the more she enforces the threads of this pointless story she’s weaving, the more awkward she feels.

He frowns and says, more to himself than to her, “I always thought that old thing was a bit gaudy myself. I’d have gotten rid of it ages ago if I could.”

Something about the way he says it strikes her as strange. Not knowing how to respond, she simply says, “I don’t know, I think it’s cool.”

He laughs. Or, she thinks that’s what it is. The sound is gentle but rusty at the edges. “I suppose you would. Feel free to do whatever you want, only do not touch it, and be careful.”

She walks down the stone steps, her haul unexpectedly light on her back, and pauses to look at the gargoyle once more. The light isn’t any good right now, but she’ll be back.

“See you later,” she tells it.

Sure enough, the next day she’s back. She hadn’t actually planned to be such a regular, but she’d been unable to keep the place from her mind, and it wasn’t as if she had anything better to do. Carmen had looked about to cry when Soso showed her the books she’d picked out. The ones she didn’t need for her paper, Soso decided to flip through herself and had found herself more invested than she’d counted on. The book on obscure pagan deities she’d selected, though dense and confusing in places, was particularly interesting. Before she knew it, she was finished, and thus had the perfect excuse to go back.

“This guy kinda looks like you, don’t you think?” She holds the page open so that the gargoyle could “see” it. Despite arriving at noon on a Wednesday, the library seems to be truly closed today and no amount of knocking had managed to change its mind. Since she’d already come all this way, she figured she might as well find some other way to entertain herself before heading home.

“The horns are all wrong, but the general look is there. He could be, like, your second cousin,” she tells the statue.

The statue doesn’t respond, obviously, but Soso likes talking to it regardless. She adjusts her position so she can keep reading while keeping the book within its line of sight. When it’s time to leave, she turns to it and says,

“Keep an eye on that guy who runs the place for me. He’s weird, and should really keep more regular hours, but he’s nice, and I think being alone out here is making him a little…” She makes a spiraling motion with her finger. “Guess I’m not one to talk though. I’m chatting with a hunk of rock.”

She doesn’t stop though. Maybe it’s the boredom, maybe it’s something just fundamentally Soso, but whatever the reason, she keeps coming back. Partially for the library, yes, and for the company of the strange librarian that dwells within, but primarily to have a quiet place to vent her frustrations and speak her mind, where often the only one around to judge is one who’s incapable of talking back.

Surehouser is an acquired taste, and they don’t have much in common, but he never turns Soso away on the days when her visits magically coincide with the hours of operation. He always seems to have snacks on hand and is content to let the young woman ramble on about whatever latest subject has caught her interest, which as much as she could ask of anyone really. He still speaks frustratingly little of himself, but she believes she’ll get it out of him eventually.

She’s moved from taking pictures around the library to breaking out her old sketchbook, sitting on the steps and muttering to the empty air as she tries to map the contours of the stone body before her. She’s always been visually minded, for whatever good it does her.

“My mom keeps calling and asking if I want to come home for the holidays,” she complains, holding her knees to her chest. “And I know that’s months away but if I say yes that means having to see my family in person while they interrogate me about my future. I’m not even sure I have a future.”

She paces around for a minute to work out some pins and needles and brushes back her hair where it’s been falling in her face. Feeling playful, she imagines she can feel the gargoyle’s gaze watching her.

“Oh this? Yeah, I did get a haircut, thank you for noticing. Just a couple inches off the bottom but I think it’s nice.”

She tosses her head. Nestled among her dark hair, a tip of pointed ear pokes out and she worries idly at the cartilage like she used to do when she was younger.

“You noticed that too, huh. I was born with this itty bity point to my ears. They used to stick out when I was a kid. I was kinda self-conscious about it, actually. I dreaded whenever we had a course in school about fairytales because the kids in my class would call me an elf. I started making my mom do my hair so that they were hidden and just, never grew out of the habit I guess.”

The gargoyle is without comment. She smiles.

“I knew you’d understand, dude. Us freaks have to stick together.”

The following week is a flurry of last-minute Halloween preparations. Soso herself hadn’t been planning to dress up, not having anywhere to be other than planted firmly on the couch in front of a horror B-movie marathon, but the other girls insist they decorate, as there’d been whispers in their neighborhood of pranks planned on those deemed not festive enough. According to Carmen, who had become the resident expert on local tradition since she aced her last history test, the custom of shunning those who didn’t partake was almost as firmly rooted as the decorating itself. It stemmed from a belief from ye olden days that the festivities helped to fend off ghosts and goblins and the meddling of the fae on the day when the border between their worlds was the thinnest.

“Wait, do ghosts come from the same place as fae, or do they just, like, carpool here?”

She snorts. “It depends who you ask, but a lot of people around here believe that anything that’s magical or ‘otherworldly’ in origin is technically ‘fae’. Ensfield has a whole history of convoluted fae-based superstitions. Did you know some people still leave out bowls of fresh milk for house spirits?”

“House spirits?”

“Like, brownies.”

Soso nods. “I love having milk with brownies.”

Phoebe pipes up from the kitchen. “I had a girlfriend in high school who left out offerings when she was doing her SATs.”

“Did it help?” Carmen asks. “I’ll try anything.”

Soso is no skeptic, but she’s more inclined to believe that leaving food out overnight will attract more mice than faerie blessings. The sentiment is nice, but it’s hard for her to take comfort in fairytales without remembering her childhood teasing. How much worse could it have been if it had been more than just a joke, if her ears and her daydreaming demeanor were enough to get her labeled as an outsider for life, rather than just for the span of third grade.

“Are you doing anything special for Halloween, Soso?” Carmen asks.

“You mean like leaving out bowls of milk?”

She laughs. “No, like going to a party. You can come with me to Katy’s if you want. It’ll be lowkey.”

Carmen has been making more of an effort to get to know her since she got her those books for her paper, but while Soso appreciates the thought, being a plus-one at a stranger’s party where everyone knows each other from the classes she’s still not attending doesn’t sound like her idea of a good time.

“No thanks. Someone’s gotta stay and hand out candy to the trick or treaters, right?”

“Good point. Did you pick up candy?”

“Not yet, but I’ll do it.”

“Just don’t put it off until the night of.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

That is exactly what happened. October 31st finds Soso standing in line with a back of candy under each arm. Their neighborhood isn’t exactly kid-heavy, but better safe than TP’d she figures. She’s nearing the register when a pair of college-age boys stumble in, looking conspicuously red around the whites of their eyes. She sighs inwardly as they wander around, talking just a bit too loud for comfort, and does her best to ignore them even as they get in line behind her. Looking out of the corner of her eye, she notices that there is nothing in their baskets except a two-liter bottle of off-brand soda, a box of marshmallow snackcakes, and about four cartons of eggs, each.

It almost doesn’t click for her until she remembers what Phoebe said about the frat bros and their hazing. That paired with it being a night notorious for pranks by idiot teens is enough to get her nervous. After making her purchase she lingers outside the store for a moment and watches as the boys climb into a car and drive away in the direction of the woods.

It might still be a coincidence, they might be heading to some other destination that just so happens to be in that direction as well, but the image of some stupid stoners invading her sanctuary makes her hackles raise all the same. She starts pedaling after them, following just far enough behind so as not to be spotted in the swiftly fading light.

[tessatechaitea]

Cerebus #16 (1980)

Cerebus is going up the stairs while Lord Julius is going down them. In the same direction.

Cerebus is often touted as the greatest independent comic book of all time (for various reasons) but I'd like to point out that Elfquest told an incredible story with beautiful art in just 20 issues as opposed to 300. Plus it had an elf orgy. Also, I know it continued on after the first 20 issue story arc but we can ignore the rest of the story because there was never another elf orgy and also the rest of the series concentrated too much on Skywise's fear of dying which was totally valid but was often used as a foil to make Cutter seem braver and more loyal to his wolf roots but really just showed he was stubborn and dumb and totally didn't fuck as many elf maidens as Skywise did. Cerebus does have some sex in his comic book but since the first sex he has is when he rapes Astoria, I don't think anybody was really clamoring for any more of that. I mean, sure, some people were! I didn't mean to erase the sickos and perverts out there. Sorry, jerks! I'm sure the "A Note from the Publisher" bit by Deni seemed like a good idea when starting out on a harrowing self-publishing journey like that of Cerebus. But it quickly became a space where Deni just says, "Self-publishing is fraught with hardships and also this is a really good issue! I won't spoil it! Goodbye!" I won't be sad to see the divorce happen! That's an okay thing to say because it already happened, right? It's not like my wishing for the end of their marriage in 2020 somehow brought about the end of their marriage in the early 80s. Is it? I never took a college course on cause and effect so who the fuck knows? Unless that Critical Literary Theory class was about that?! Oh my God! I think I understand it now! Dave's finale to the "Swords of Cerebus" essay that has been broken up over the last three issues describes how he was consciously drawing the Eye of the Pyramid cult leader's gigantic penis while drawing the snake. Sorry to report, though, that he's being sarcastic. Apparently Dave is above using phallic imagery to make a point about patriarchal themes. Only fucking hacks do shit like that! Take that, whoever wrote fucking Beowulf!

Even if Sim can't see the humor in everybody assuming he made a giant snake dick joke on purpose, he can still be extraordinarily funny with the least of materials.

This issue takes Cerebus to his first fancy dress party (that's a costume party for all of you people who aren't British (which is also me but only because I was born a citizen of the United States of America who didn't have a choice but knew it was a huge mistake as I was learning about Monty Python's Flying Circus and Dave Allen at Large in elementary school and The Young Ones in junior high and Red Dwarf in college)). Cerebus changes out of his vest and puts on his costume: a furry black jumper (that's sweater for all of you people who aren't British (which is also me but only because I was forced to watch mostly American popular entertainment until the advent of YouTube and now I mostly just watch Taskmaster over and over (by the way, is Taskmaster as good for people who don't know all of the "contestants" or do I enjoy it more because I recognize and like almost all of the people on the show?)). Lord Julius is dressed as an, um, a, uh, Estarcion matador? I have no context in which to guess what he is.

Certain people like Cerebus because he says what's on his mind. I purposefully used the passive voice here so you can't prove one of those people is me.

Lord Julius has a follow-up joke that leaves the reader thinking, "I guess all Pavrovians are fat?" That's Dave Sim continuing his work on Estarcion continuity! Remember how Pavrovians are the, um, you knows of Estarcion! You know the nationality I'm thinking of! The ones that are all the things people usually find insulting! Come on, you know who I'm talking about. The dumb fat arrogant stupid naive gullible ones! Yes, that's it! Americans! Try to remember Dave is Canadian. You have to think of Americans through Canadian eyes (which are the equivalent of smart, cynical Americans)! E'lass and Turg have gotten tickets to The Festival of Petunias so they can steal the Wyndmel Diamond. They're the duo composed of a giant muscular man and a little bitty shrimpy guy who last encountered (and were beaten by) Cerebus in Issue #6. E'lass is dressed like some kind of small dirt dwelling creature so I hope Cerebus gets offended by his costume and stabs him in the throat. There isn't enough random slaughter in this book about barbarians.

I haven't wanted to fuck a fish this badly since The Littler Mermaid.

I suppose I could have said "since Splash" in that last caption to seem more normal and less perverted but then you'd know I was lying. The assassins make a move on Lord Julius but Cerebus comes up with a plan to stop them that involves inducing the Palnu elite to throw herring-and-onion dip at them. Is that a parodied scene from Duck Soup or Conan the Barbarian? In the confusion, the lead assassin slips out through a secret door and E'lass, having just stolen the diamond and becoming increasingly paranoid that somebody saw him, slips through it as well. Cerebus and Lord Julius follow, having noticed the assassin but not E'lass. Most of the pursuit's tension comes from E'lass believing Cerebus remembers him and is now going to use the excuse of this new crime to murder him. It's more tense than I've even described because I really need Cerebus to murder somebody in this Swords & Sorcery book already. Reading this book waiting for a murder is like firing up a porn video on your laptop with your dick in your hands and realizing after five minutes that the video is almost over and was just a teaser for a pay porn site. Cerebus threatens to quit his job just before battling the assassin so he can negotiate a term of 8 bags of gold and a horse in exchange for killing the assassin as a pension before he goes. Julius agrees and Cerebus takes out the assassin with a rock to the head. I mean, I guess it's a murder so yay? But I was really hoping for some stabbing. Meanwhile E'lass lives through the cliché of the criminal whose paranoia gets the better of him and he tosses the diamond into a huge pit so he doesn't get caught only to discover that they never knew he took it anyway. Everything is wrapped up quickly and thoroughly with Cerebus given money and motivation to move on from Palnu. Dave complained about his heavy use of cliché in this Palnu trilogy and I have to say I agree with Dave. But I only agree with Dave on this point! Don't take that out of context and start raving on Twitter that Grunion Guy agrees with Dave's Issue #186 rant about girlfriends being illogical which is also secretly a rant about a guy who needs to get laid so badly he puts up with partners he probably wouldn't even be friends with and then finally just decides orgasms are evil and religion is super awesome but only if you smash all three People of The Book religions into one bland mash paste of ancient dogma. In the epilogue, Lord Julius receives a letter from his niece Jaka in which she expresses delight in possibly seeing Cerebus again. I guess Dave learned from Howard the Duck that comic book nerds really love for their anthropomorphic heroes to be fucking statuesque women. Perhaps every guy develops a fetish of being with a woman whose breasts are at head level due to being hugged constantly by their female relatives when they're ten years old. Deni's brother Michael's first installment of the "Aardvarkian Age" essays appears in this issue. It gives more details to the various nations of Estarcion and their inhabitants' culture, ruling styles, and brutality of their armies. I thought I'd be more interested in this than I actually wound up being. Maybe I thought it would be funnier? Instead, it's just a bunch of facts about made-up kingdoms to make them sound more believable by making them more like European countries in the Middle Ages. If this entire bit were just lifted from a history of Europe with the names of actual countries replaced by Estarcion countries, I wouldn't even notice. Mostly because I know nothing about European history. As I've always said, "Those who know about European history are doomed to repeat it, boring every single other person at the cocktail party." Dave apologizes for the quarter price increase of the comic book in the Aardvark Comments pages. Why, I hadn't even noticed! Probably because this is the Biweekly reprint issue and I purchased it as a collection off of eBay. Some people write in and discuss how Cerebus is a very fine and funny comic book. I nodded along in agreement as I read the letters. I only touched my private area twice while reading and neither time was for pleasure. The most surprising thing about "The Single Page" is that it clearly states who the comic was authored by: Kent Featherly. I don't know why so many of these single page comics aren't more clearly labeled. Isn't part of the reason for having them exposure for the artists drawing and writing them?! Not putting an effort to let a large audience know who you are and how they can read more of your work just sounds like something I would do. By the way, you should play this game I wrote, Starship Troopers: The Game. You can find it on the hard drive of my laptop. Cerebus #16 Rating: B. Look, it was funny and well drawn and all that. But even Dave said it relied too heavily on cliché plot devices. I've got to lower the grade when even the author points out some of the story's flaws! And I'd probably have come to the same conclusion without having been influenced by Dave Sim because I'm like the best Internet comic book critic who isn't a critic and isn't actually reviewing comic books. Also I almost forgot this evidence: I'm a Grandmaster Comic Book Reviewer! Nobody else can make that claim and if they do, they're plagiarizing me and I'd like you to point them out to me so I can send them a threatening email in which I pretend to be my own lawyer who is really good at suing dumb-dumbs.

[jamiebluewind]

Charatcter Descriptions and Summary 2.13

As always, let me know if I need to edit or add anything and tag/ask/PM me about art and stories so I can check them out! I'll try to add warnings later. Also, we have 8 episodes left including this one, so the last one should be number 20.

***

Things

Dusk Moss

Hallucinogenic moss with very few alchemical properties that puts the user into a state of lucid dreaming where they are also concious of waking world (basically fantasy marijuana)

Is a flammable powder that cannot be unlit once lit

Crumpkin said his brother swears by it and that everyone should try it at least once.

It will even you out if you take a little bit and a quarter of teaspon will send one of them on a trip all day (so what about the size and race of the person?)

Can buy in a massive block from Tinkerer's Hall where a dose of the powder can be shaved off the block to use

Mystery Rune

The rune was abjurative magic: metamagic school (instead of protection, wards, and shields) which shapes the nature of magic itself. Specifically, the rune involved curses and a way to mask powerful curses and spells. One can take a tremendous amount of spellcraft (or the ability to cast multiple spells), put it into a curse, and have the curse ride under other curses. In other words, if connected to an object, the object would have been "cursed" to be a vessel for a wealth of other spellcasting (flash drive), but hidden under another curse (advanced encryption and a virus).

The larger and more permeable the curse, the more able it is to ride under another curse.

The curse on top (dummy curse) works best the more widespread, static (can't be easily ended or doesn't have random frequent spell effects), ambient, and passive it is like using a magical landscapes or creatures instead of a spell made by a spellcaster.

***

PCs With Datemates

Kristen

Took a picture on her crystal of the unknown goddess mural (originally wondered if it was a tequila advertisement)

Kissed Tracker and the tree she was hiding behind

Wanted rosé with the cold fratatas, but thought it was weird that he put both kale and spinach in them (as did Tracker)

Looked through the medical papers Adaine and Riz found and figured out how to cure the Kalina infection (greater restoration due to studying records or a tinsure that requires dusk moss, the alchemical supplies Gorgug got from the tinkerers, some things Adaine can pull from her jacket, and one or two things they'd only be able to find beyond the wall)

Her and the group decided on the tincture method despite the risk of curing behind the wall as she can only cast greater restoration once per day (only one 5th level spell slot and 5 infected: Tracker, Sandra Lynn, Ragh, Riz, and herself), but the option of using greater restoration on herself and Riz while leaving the others behind or inside Van was discussed (side note: could she team up with any of the locals bards/clerics/druids/artificers/celestial warlocks who know greater restoration and teach them the specifics of the altered spell while they wait on the others to get back?)

Suggested they pretend they all died after they take the tincture in order to give them an advantage due to Kalina thinking the party was cut in half (all but Adaine agreed)

Owns little handcuffs with her and Tracker's initials on them

"I don't know why I'm saying this, but Go Ball."

Assumed that the team in hell were just stuck in a waiting room, possibly drinking pina coladas

Investigated where Aelwen, Adaine's mom, and Killian entered the briar wall. It was much more tangled, far from Arborly, up a cliff with difficult rocky terrain between them and the temple. It was a place where they wouldn't be looked for, but it would take them longer to get there.

Tracker

Said the thing with Vraz made her werewolf issue with the Shrine of Thorns the second weirdest thing that's happened

Started transforming after glancing at the uncovered mural image of the unknown goddess, growling as half her head transformed as she fought changing before rolling off and hiding behind a tree (per Kristen's suggestion)

Couldn't go to hell because she couldn't enter the shrine

Gorgug

Got springs put in his shoes by the gnomes which gave them thick rubbery soles (Spring Coiled Sneakers of Bounding) and also asked for shock thing from tinkerers which would have a spare the dying effect (unknown if he got it)

Wears size 19 canvas shoes

Looked through a big log book with the alchemic ingredients in tinkerer's shorthand before buying the same alchemical ingredients that Killian bought (magnesium, antimony, and mercury which are used in magical candles) for 350 gold. Killian also bought two huge blocks of dusk moss incense (600 gold for both which he split cost wise with Fabian), but he was nervous about buying it (dusk moss details above).

Explained cell towers to the tinkerers

Considered jumping into space to either get to or place a satellite

Found a picture of his parents launching their satellite into space (Wilma and Digby giving double thumbs up, the van tipped on it's nose with it's back doors open to launch the satellite from the back of it, a lot of papers and a mobile desk in van's glovebox) and found space tech-esk routing info for the satellite in Van which allowed him to make a satellite phone

Originally left his crystal and the info with the tinkerers (original timeframe 1-2 days), but came back to help which speed up the process

Was curious why Gilear wasn't infected by Shadow Cat like Sandra Lynn and was later sorry he brought it up

When they found out they couldn't enlarge/reduce Van, he considered making a massive vest with massive pockets he could wear that everyone could jump in before they used enlarge/reduced on him, but the idea was scrapped

Suggested that if they played dead after taking the tincture to not warn Gilear so he wouldn't be acting when they "died".

"Hey, this is based on nothing, but I feel like Gilear is dead."

Believed that hell wasn't as bad as people said it was, just unfamiliar and like 5 degrees hotter

Ran into the briars after the portal closed

Likes a hot hot tub because warm ones just makes him wonder what's cooking in there

Was up all night sweating with his hoodie off (first time in a long time) working on his phone before finishing up the crystal pack (made his phone into a satellite phone). He felt pretty good about making it work.

Got a slew of unread messages once he turned his phone on (few old ones from Zelda, some from his parents checking in, and tour stuff)

Called Zelda with a video call, putting his hoodie back on as it rang and rang (most of the call is in Zelda section)

Told Zelda he loved her for the first time (after she said it first). Said he wished he was there, but hadn't figured that technology out yet and admitted that he might not have service once they went into the forest ("I'm here to communicate")

The gnomes erupted into cheers over the crystal working, but he was equally exciting over Zelda saying she loved him. They popped some gnome wine (pink fizzy champagne that smelled like cloying sweet strawberries) and shared it with him in celebration

Got a bunch of DMs from the other seven maidens saying "Way to go big guy"

Zelda

Was at Ostentata's house at night for a party (everybody was telling the story of when Gorgug jumped the fire elemental there and when he backyard wrestle smashed the beer pong table while time was stopped) when Gorgug called

Told her adventuring party he was calling before she went outside, but they followed

Answered her phone while still wearing her earbuds and assumed he was back, but was told he figured out how to make his phone work. He did it because he felt like it was important to be able to talk to her, the world, and her (not because it was part of the quest). She asked if they had cell towers, but Gorgug said that he had been working on artificer stuff and used his parents' satellite.

Started crying over Gorgug doing a whole bunch of new science to make his phone able to call back, apologized to him over getting upset, and said she missed him and he was the best

Was embarrassed by the other maidens eavesdropping (they called out "Good lookin out Gorgug! Stand up thing to do! You did it!"). Gorgug went on speaker and said "Well hello guys!" before she shooed them off to talk to her boyfriend

Made sure that Gorgug's friends weren't in danger over him working on his project, but was reassured that he was having down time and it would also help them in the long run

Told Gorgug that she loved him for the first time and freaked out (insulting herself) before he said that he loved her too. This was followed by her saying "oooh I just wanna... I just wish you were here."

Said the Red Waste was super hard, but they were done and thought they would get a good grade on it

Called Gorgug cool (and was called cool by him). Said what he did meant a lot to her. The call ended with one last quick I love you from Gorgug.

Fig

Subpoenaed to be a witness for Gortholax before a tribunal due to him being negligent for his infernal domain (after his 9th and final request for appearence lapsed). The print of her subpoena got so fine that it was mostly illegable without a magnifying glass. It was also in infernal (which she can read)

Asked Vraz if she could leave the door to hell open with them following later (left open, but was yelled at)

Considered disguising herself as Gortholax and offered to disguise herself as a famous lawyer from billboards to help Gilear

Wanted to know more about law so she could defend Gortholax domain and yelled "THE CHOSEN ONE!" when she discovered that Gilear knew the law

Wanted to start a grass roots campaign about the demons working with the nightmare king (as devils hate them both)

Asked her mom why Gilear wasn't infected and discovered her parents had slept together many times, but not in the last 3 years

Got upset with Riz over his opinion on devils (quote in dialogue link)

Had to be the first through the portal to hell, but straddled the flaming doorway with Riz on her back to try to keep it open

Tied a rope around Hangman so she could wakeboard while smoking a clove, library card behind her right ear

Thought Gortholax's home was tasteful and knew the door code.

Blamed herself for the quality of Gilear's life (quote in dialogue link)

To Vraz "What going on with you? Do you need a hug?"

Lit a cigarette in court, told them that Gortholax was trapped in a gem, put her feet up, and said Kalina the Shadow Cat used a proxy to trap Gortholax with the assistance of demons (but was able to hide the fact that she was the proxy from Vraz)

Asked for help getting into the forest of the Nightmare King, but got yelled at because calling a recess does not mean the trial is over

Cut her arm and offered the tribunal her blood as proof she was Gortholax's daughter, but the blood sizzled when it hit the ground and either summoned or created an imp which served as proof

Ayda

Told Adaine what the rune was (details below)

Still working on plane shift

Got upset over Fig getting sucked into hell, insisting that they had to go rescue her "Well, we should do whatever we can to make it happen as fast as possible because I'm going to get another kiss, whatever happens"

Said Fig's lips are the softest things she's ever felt (grossing out Adaine) and "If I don't smell Fig's hair again, I'm going to incenerate"

Asked Adaine for advice as the Oracle, wanting to know how many potential futures there were were Fig wouldn't want to kiss her or be around her anymore and if they could be avoided. She was also worried that Fig might have kissed her, but not felt attracted to her.

"If we kissed a bunch of times over the course of an hour, does that mean we are girlfriends or wives?" (potentially but ask to clarify)

Was worried that she would look sad, weird, or not normal from a social standpoint for asking Fig to clarify if they were girlfriends (to which Adaine said she was not and was in face very very cool).

Worried about her mind being foreign to other people and despite not being the same as Adaine, felt better after talking to someone who understands not being like everyone else.

Told Adaine "You're a very special person to me and your friendship means the world to me. I hope we study magic together for a long long time" and that she loved her.

Has notes on how her brain works and built an entire friendship section in the library because she was so lonely.

Went to the Synod to be alone because she lived "on a dirty pirate island"

***

Other PCs And People In The Party

Adaine

Released an aura in the crime scene and might have put on gloves

Found the non detection runes her mother had placed (to keep elves off the trail) and the remains of two rituals, one to kill Killian and one to put the Devil's Heart (with Gortholax) inside Killian. The rituals happened 24 hours appart, meaning they left the night the teens arrived or her mom knew to kill Killian before Aelwen arrived.

While looking for something in the room (something nice her mom might have said about her), she found a blank piece of parchment on a small desk and revealed a message using "the pencil trick" ("Aelwen is with me. You are betrayed. You have no other choice darling. Come with us.") which she believed was probably for her dad. Later got the original copy (wrote out for a sending spell) by using mend on ashes she found in a trashcan

Suggested a cold fratata picnic

Pulled beautifully printed pamplets out of her jacket for Fig's grass roots campaign, but they had a typo so she tossed them

Told the group to give a thumbs up to someone who had the message spell (currently only Fig and Adaine) if they had something to say to keep it from Kalina

Was caught by briars and ejected from the hell potral, keeping her from entering, but decided that heaven and hell were just reflections of each other so she wasn't worried

On dusk moss, said "I've heard it's good for anxiety." and suggested that they all got high while waiting on their friends to return from hell (but was unable to convince the others)

Discovered that the unknown goddess' spellbook had a distinguishing mark on it, an occult rune that was in a lot of stuff at Compass Points (which Ayda would have studied) and on the coin given to Kalvaxus (more info under mystery rune)

Liked a hot tub that started off very warm at first and then got more comfortable

Messaged Ayda late at night for help "Avast ye scurvy devil. How is plane shift going? Also, need info on rune. It looks like [x]" (answered back "I'm not a scurvy devil. Let's use the synonym. Right jacket pocket.")

Found a key made of glowing blue crystalline energy in her pocket as the keyhole on a nearby door started glowing slightly blue.

Was given a scroll with a first level spell by Ayda that granted her access to the Synod of Spyre which is a meeting place for wizards

Told Ayda "I think your great",  made her laugh by telling her that curses were "ten a penny", and told her that she enjoyed talking to her about their magic as Ayda is someone who gets it and is not mean to her

Asked Ayda to tell her everything (about the kiss), but then realized that she didn't want or need to know everything. She did say (about Ayda and Fig) "I support this. I am happy about it. I am amazed. Oooo she's secretive!" and that while on a macro level, some people will kiss without caring, Fig wouldn't because she cared about everybody (she did kiss those two older guys though?)

Admittedly that being oracle only let her help out a little every day and occasionally she got a terrifying vision, but she doesn't know when the event will occur or what will cause it

To Ayda, "If you like a person and they like you and the relationship is good, it shouldn't matter how other people feel about it? I think."

"I want to be alone and also surrounded by my friends at all times."

Riz

Worked the crime scene in the Owl and Harp with Adaine (putting on gloves before starting)

Found that the rituals were specifically to get Kalina into Silvar by bypassing the need for permission from a devil authority by using petrismosis to move from an infected creature into a gem to commandeer the devil within it

Petrismosis: The body's ability to start having elements of the magical gem within it to start permiating orgainic membrane; the process of an organic body and gem to become one which includes osmosis of blood to gem (ragh mom constrantly fights against the being within her gem using her rage, blood, and soul)

Told Adaine "It's great to fin- be around someone who just focuses up. Me and you? Everybody else is super horny. Super emotional. But me and you? *slaps hands together* No emotions between the two of us." (she was looking for something nice from her mom)

Discovered that Adaine's mom had packed WAY more rations than they needed to get to the temple, some alchemical ingredients, and all primary work, leaving only hints behind as well as some research and medical diagrams (which Adaine and Riz took). The medical diagrams were extremely old velum grave robber level medical stuff written in a character based pictogram language (think hieroglyphs, almost like emoji) that was most likely centaur. One medical diagram was of a disected and dismembered centaur with dark, very scary looking cat symbols (refered to as the disease or infection) behind eyes, in ears, on tongue, deep in sinuses, and on spine. It also showed that the brain was carefully taken apart and looked at, but the infection was not present there.

He and Adaine deduced that Kalina could only look through one person at a time using their senses and couldn't get into their brains, but could cause paralysis. The only safe place would be the moon haven/Kristen's hallow, but Kalina might be able to ride one of the infected into the haven if she was actively trying to do it. They could however talk anywhere using telepathy (such as the message spell).

Was worried about going to hell while infected, but later said "I meantioned that I was concerened about going to hell and her possibly being able to see the trial, but hell is also bad so I don't really care if they end up fighting and killing each others. Let's just go to hell. Also, they're super far along already. They have Gortholax and they're in. So it's not like... yeah."

Might have internalized racism/goblinphobia and has bias towards devils (both from his reactions in this episode and his reaction to Gortholax in season 1)

Suspicious of devils and doesn't think they should be super cool with them (quote in dialogue link), later becoming upset over what Hangman said about goblins ("Oh like goblins have such a great reputation.") and the others reaction to his and The Hangman's statement.

Road into hell holding onto Fig's back.

Upon seeing Gilear knocked out, said "See I told you that hell was bad! I mean, this is awesome, but this is bad." Pointed out the irony of Gilear getting mad at him a long time ago for stealing the first aid kit that gave him the healing feat.

After Hangman said the evil souls were murderers, thieves, and liars, he started sweating and said "Liars huh?" (side note: Riz has actually done all three)

Grabbed Gilear's face and investigated him to figure out why he was so confident (he said no to an offer from Sandra Lynn). Hissed at Gilear and then apologized, saying they were in hell, it was weird, and the things said about goblins earlier made him feel kinda crazy

Hissed at Vraz repeatedly, even after she threatened him.

To Vraz "Well I'm Riz The Ball and I'm just gonna ROLL WITH THIS! We're here! We're here for your trial thing! *hiss*" Is held back by Gilear while Fig tried to push him forward towards Vraz (told her to stop it)

Hissed at Vraz again (when she was mean to Fig) saying Vraz calling somebody in the middle of a trial was weird before the pair got in another hissing/screaming match. Asked The Hangman to hold him back and got his foot run over.

Fabian

Ownes 250 to 312 pairs of shoes (depending how many have been thrown away or given to childen), has size 5 feet (and is self conscious about it), said he had delicate feet and was lithe and dexterous, and his father had small feet and mother had normal sized feet

Said "god damn it" when he discovered Krumpkin wore the same size shoes as him, lied and said he had big toes and wore a 5.5 because he didn't to exchange shoes with a gnome, and quietly said "...let's go" when Gorgug asked if he wanted little bells on his shoes (side note: was he teased in the past?)

Completely confused by tinkerers logbook, so he deferred to Gorgug. Tried to help by rubbing his sheet on the gold coins they were buying supplies with, but nothing happened

Was nervous about buying or using dusk moss, saying he knew a guy who tried it while wearing a hat and now he always felt like he's wearing the hat. Told the rest of the group "We bought so many drugs." when they dot back.

Fabian's bardic "You feel the power of Fabian's support and care for you" (the explanation of his new stats is linked below)

When asked if he wanted to stay in the Tinkerer's Hall, he answered "Absolutely. With all these weird little men and women. No thank you. Ragh, let's go!"

Has a bunch of private stuff on his phone that he doesn't want anybody seeing

Tried to ride Hangman into hell, but caught by the briars and ejected as the portal closed

Told Hangman "You are literally the sweetest meanest thing ever."

Mutters "Go off The Ball, go off" while Riz was in a different dimension from him (yelling at Vraz in hell)

Said he didn't worry about his father as he was thriving, but he missed him. When told he could get word to him, originally assumed Bill would be busy, then agreed but asked Hangman not to be needy about it, then tried to pretend that he was cool either way and that he didn't need it and it wouldn't fill him with joy, then admitted that it would fill him with joy, and finally just asking "yes please do it"

Likes a warm hot tub due to it being better for his skin and he can stay in there longer

(Multiple quotes can be found in the dialogue link below)

Hangman

His presence (a devil) closed the portal to hell, seperating him from Fabian. He could still talk to Fabian telepathically, but freaked out. When asked to turn it down, he replied "I can't turn it down, I'm sad!"

Said that the portal was created for the dark tribunal and afterwards the devils are required to deposite them from where they came from

Gave Gilear his mark by making his eyes glow dark red pinpricks and etching an infernal ruin of blood and fire on his forehead

Got pissed off over Gilear having to ride on him, but did it to stop his complaining. Meanwhile, Riz also road on him (with a "Huzzah!") and Fig tired a rope around him so she could wakeboard on her skateboard behind him

Approved of Riz hissing at Gilear

Said the souls falling into The Bottomless Pit were evil and of murderers, theives, and liars

Got the tribunal to allow them to stay at The Bottomless Pit (as Fig was both Gortholax's daughter and she had passage there) instead of prison

When he was told only Fig was going to go in the hot tub, he pouted and said "I want to go too!"

Offered to send word to Bill Seacaster for Fabian

Gilear

Made fratatas (with both spinach and kale) immediately, but they all got very cold due to the teens being away for hours (were so cold that they thought he put them in the freezer)

He was not "the face" when he worked in Fallenel at the elven counsel (where he said he was a glorified paralegal), but was still an expert in international and interplaner law

When Fig told him that it was his moment and she needed him, he immediately replied with "Nope!". He eventually gave his word to help, but was confused about how they got into trouble in Arborly, discovering the trial was both in hell ("what? what? oh no.") and delivered by a really keyed up woman who was probably working through something ("I...what have you done?")

From Adaine's jacket, was given a barrister wig from Fig ("None of the cultures I've worked for use these wigs"), a gavel from Kristen, and a black robe from Adaine

Found that the subpoena had no clause concerning ther souls, but hell would send people to get Fig if she didn't go

Wears boat shoes and had a powerful aura of disease coming from his feet (again Gilear DOCTOR! or have a healer greater restore!)

His bald spot was hit by a bit of fire before a blast of fire hit him and knocked him out, setting his wig on fire. He was healed by Riz, but left with burns.

Was given the Mark of The Hangman, which was an infernal ruin of blood and fire etched on his forehead which caused a red force field to appear that protected him from the fire as long as he was with The Hangman

Noticed how Fig was acting (library card behind ear) and started asking her questions, but she dodged them until Riz confronted him about his confidence and got him to confess "I got confidence because Sandra Lynn asked to sleep with me and I said no!" Said that he and Sandra Lynn talking until morning and towards the end she made an offer, he said "No. Thank you", and everyone was still happy and fine afterwards

Told Riz he was very scary and intense sometimes, resulting in Riz hissing at him

Did not actually help during the trial due to fear.

(Has multiple quotes in dialogue link.)

Sandra Lynn

Covered for the teens messaging by talking about finding where Adaine's mom entered the forest as the teens nodded along

Had to explain to her daughter that her and Gilear slept together, but she could have gotten the Kalina disease anytime in the last 3 years and Gilear wouldn't have been infected ("I love you. It's weird. Sorry for all this weird info.")

On Kristen attempting to handcuff her "So help me god Kristen Applebees. I understand that I work for you, but so help... wow."

No longer with Jawbone, but ended on good terms

Was very kind to Gilear the first night in Arborly. She offered to sleep with him at one point and was turned down.

When she asked what the teens were messaging about (dusk moss), Kristen said Spring Break and suggested Sandra Lynn have a spa day with a hot tub soak and a massage with cucumbers on her eyes. Gorgug suggested cucumbers on her ears. Fabian said they should get the weird gnomes to pound her (dear god Fabian! XD) with Kristen saying "gnomes all over your body", Adaine adding that they would walk on her back, and Fabian adding that the little shoe bells would be meditative

Ragh

Asked for a lost spring from the tinkerers

Wears a size 17.5 shoe (quote in dialogue link)

Was paranoid about buying dusk moss (ARE YOU A COP!?), but after Crumpkin's reaction, he grabbed Fabian and Gorgug's arms and said "I think drugs are legal here"

Took a solid chunk of dusk moss and was found staring at his hand ("My hand is just little animal on the end of your arm")

Came into the van later, shirtless and looking like he'd sweat ten gallons. Said "Everything in the world is connected", (on Adaine thinking of trying it) "Adaine, for real? I can never be anxious again because I don't even know if I can ever be fully in my body again.", and (response to Fabian saying it sounds scary) "No no. I'm part of the universe dude" before drinking a glass of water and going off to go to bed.

***

Gnomes

Crumpkin Springbill

Head Tinkerer of the Tinkerer's Hall of Arborly

Confused as to why anybody would be mad about people buying or using dusk moss

Told Gorgug that it would take a long time and a lot of materals to build a cell tower

Size 5 shoes (but likes a little toe room) with curled toes so he can puts little bells on them (sounds like the general style of shoes for the gnomes there as well)

Said hello to Zelda enthusiastically over a video call

Polly Pullypad and Osmand Wobbletrouble

Accidentally flew into where they stacked all the old pots and pans (Polly)

Brought Gorgug his altered shoes back and bowed to Gorgug

Asked to examine Gorgug's crystal in exchange for the spring shoes (Osmand)

Suggested they try to skip building a cell tower and connect directly to a satellite

(Unnamed Twins)

Shallower cone hats with tufts of fur on the ends of springs

Took gorgug shoes off his feet

***

Devils

Vraz the Mean

Sarcastic erinyes with a +13 insight and a beautiful but uncannoy vally porcelain face with a beauty mark

When Fig and Kristen asked if she could leave the door open so they could follow "Are you guys having a fun time? BECAUSE YOU SEEM PRETTY FUCKING GLIB! Keep your sass to yourself!", but still left the door open

Got hissed at by Riz a lot (multiple quotes in dialogue)

Said she is having a bad time between her title (Vraz The Mean), species (Erinyes), running hell, and her title (Arch Secretary)

Called the tribunal into order (with her two co-jurors in a room with a small 3 seat judges bench), stating that it concerned the issue of Gortholax's infernal negligence

Tried to call her boss Blozo, but he couldn't come due to traffic

Found that being trapped in a gem counted as extenuating circumstances and he would not be punished, but they needed a new regnant for the Bottomless Pit so they called a recess while they consulted the bylaws.

Yelled at Fig for asking for help after the recess saying (in a durr voice) " *points at temple* Do you know what words mean!? Do you know what words mean!? *jacking off motion* Huh?"

Was going to imprison "the mortals", but was convinced by Hangman to put them under house arrest at The Bottomless Pit

Kystrona (Ky-stron-ah) The Chained

Vaguely humanoid figure that is just like

A person with chains coiled where arms would be as well as the torso and head, making a massive mound of chains

Moved with a lot of strain (including trying to shrug) and voice is muffled from all the chains

Lorzug (lore-zug) The Impaled

Bone thin naked person with incredibly pale skin and translucent vains all over

Impaled through the stomach about 10 feet up a jet black iron spike as they kick and scream

Only responded with screams

Retch Rot

Tiny blood red imp with a scorpion tail summoned by Fig's blood (calls her mistress)

Might look like a red Boggy with really long legs for his size (Ally wondered if he looked like "a really famous mouse", including suspenders, but I personally give Emily's description more weight as she is in fact in hell as Fig)

Valet to Fig while in the Bottomless Pit

Wanted to show them to their quarters and the many doors of The Bottomless Pit (but had to make it clear that the doors were just rooms in the pit and not portals)

***

Other Stuff From 2.13

***

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[To be added]

[ransulance]

The Diary of Lucas Wraith

I have decided to write a summarized version of my life in case something happens. If I went into detail I might as well write a book series. I was born August 7, 1400, at least that what the priests told me. I was left at a monastery as a baby in Ireland with a letter, I never read it but the long and sort of it was to beware of a vampire and to keep me safe. At the time it sounded like nonsense.

For a while I grew up just like anyone else. But as I got older something happened that changed everything. Demons attacked the monastery looking for something. The next day I overheard a priest saying that they were after me. That night I decided to sneak out and run, I wasn't going to put everyone in danger because of me. I lived on the run going from village to village. Between bandits and demons still looking for me I had to learn how to fight to survive.

After a few months I ran into a group of knights being attacked by a few demons. Three of them were taken out easily. Without thinking I charged in and killed the bigger of the demons making the smaller ones scatter into the forest. That's how I met a the first of many lords I would met, Lord Marcus Irunhearth. He was impressed by what I did he took me in. He had the priests in his fort teach me to read and write while he taught me how to be a kinght.

Once again though, something happened that made this life change. When I reached the age of 18 I felt a change in my body. Wish that was the only thing that changed but whenever I smelled blood I grew hungry. I asked the priest about what it could be and that is when I learned what I was. I was a dhampir, half human and half vampire all the strengths but none of the weaknesses. But I consider the need to feed on blood a weakness. But then Marcus told me about what he did to become a lord. He was a demon hunter and wasn't surprised about what I was. He advised that I joined him into go to Jerusalem to fight in the crusades. He heard reports of demons in the holy land and was summoned to stop them. He taught me how my vampire half worked, the more blood I consumed the more skills I learn from the source and the more powerful I become. I told him how I didn't like the sound of that at all and he assured me that it wasn't a bad thing to not want to, but if I wanted to survive it was something I'd have to do.

We arrived in Jerusalem and it was hell. Innocents dead, knights wounded and villages burned. I tried keeping the thirst in check as to not cause trouble. Marcus was there to help me and I grew to see him as a father. After three nights of hunting demons we found the one controlling them and man in black armor. We made a plan of attack and everything went well until we were face to face with him. Even woth my growing strength and Marcus's skill we were no match. In the end Marcus lost his life having charged the man only to be impaled. He was able to knock off his helmet and under it was a face that looked a lot like me except older qnd much more cold. After removing his sword from Marcus's torso he looked at me smiling and vanished.

I ran over to Marcus and as he laid dying in my arms he told me to drink hus blood. I would learn the other skills needed to be a hunter and to hunt down his killer. I felt forced into this but I knew it had to be done. I drink his blood and the knowledge and skills that flooded my mind were intoxicating. I stayed in Jerusalem fighting in the crusades and hunting Marcus's killer. I arrived in Jerusalem at the age of 18, but it wasn't until I was 25 that I realized I stopped aging. I also learned quickly that it's not just skills that I learn from drinking blood but languages as well and how someone thinks. Because of that I learned the one that killed Marcus wasn't in Jerusalem anymore and for some reason headed east.

I decided to sell my armor and made my way east. I made a living using my skills, and one I learned with my "gift", the skills I learned from others. The more I drink the more I learned but the more I hated what I was. Now matter how far I traveled my prey was always far ahead of me until the winter of 1499 that I learned he was in Japan working through proxies. After two years of traveling I finally arrived in Japan but not matter who's blood I drank or how many demons I killed I couldn't find him. I had built myself a home in some woods in the center of the island and laid in waiting for something to come up. That's went I met a very interesting man and his right hand a "monkey."

Apparently I became a legend since my arrival there. A foreign "Oni" that looked human but fought like a monster, slaying man and demon alike. That legend made a certain man curious and he wanted to find this creature, Nobunaga Oda. As for his "monkey" that was Tokichiro, that guy was just a ball full of energy. Nobunaga wanted to test me so he challenged me to a sparring match. This guy was as human as could be but he was no push over. After letting the fight end in a draw he could tell I held back and nodded. He offered me a better life than one as a hermit if I helped him unify Japan and help force the demons that harmed his people out. I accepted because that look in his eye was one I saw in my own, one of ambition. I packed my belongings and he let me stay in his home.

I won't lie his home was beautiful and he promised me a place of my own would be finished within the first week. Nobunaga was indeed curious about my nature so any questions he asked I answered. After learning everything I knew about my powers he ordered all of his best warriors to each offer a cup of blood and to put them at easy he even did it himself. With each cup I drank I learned all I needed to about the Oda Clan, their territories, their philosophy, how they fight, and how each one of these warriors and Nobunaga think. I became a one man army but only when it was needed.

A few months into this I was made into a lord of one of the castles I helped capture and because of many battles I had a reputation as the Oda Clan's demon. Because of that fame many humans and demons came to me asking to serve under me. Thanks to that it gave Nobunaga a title he always found amusing.

"The Demon King Nobunaga Oda, I like it!"

My forces were spread thin but were always instrumental in aiding the clan. After a number of victories Nobunaga said I should take a break and I left command of my troops in the hands of Tokichiro,now Hideyoshi, not sure why he changed his name but it did suit him. I retired to my castle and town to enjoy some peace, that is when I met someone who became very important. Her name was Yuki, an exorcist and my future wife.

At first Yuki was very uncertain of me but she stayed in my province incase I decided to turn on the people. But as time passed and the more we talked the closer we became. We ended up married and for the first time in my life I was happy and didn't feel like I was in any danger. A few days after the wedding Hideyoshi came and told me another foriegner like me was leading troops against the Oda clan. After years of silence he finally came out of hiding and I was excited.

Yuki wanted to come with me to help me fight. I wasn't about to say no to her, she was very strong in her magic and I needed any help I could get. Because of how Nobunaga needed me at the time I set aside my dislike of drinking human blood so at the time I had enough to kill this monster. When I came face to face with him I fought him alone with Yuki and Hideyoshi suppressing the man's troops. He stood looking at me unfazed but his troops being pushed back, all he did was look in my eyes just like before and smiled. We drew our swords and much to his surprise with one quick motion I took off his arm. He snarled and vanished as Yuki, Hideyoshi, and Nobunaga came to try and help me.

Even more time passed and we heard nothing of the man in black. Nobunaga rewarded me for my actions up to this point. He gifted me my own armor, a simple general's armor with a purple vest and black armor plates. On the back of the vest was the Oda Clan crest in white. He also had a katana made for me, he had it forged special for me. The blade was made from steel and what Yuki had claimed to be the fang of a dragon. Yuki had also helped in making it by blessing it making it never grow dull and indestructible.

This is the last time skip of my time in japan, I promise. Toward the end it looked like we were going to do it. But the main thing was Yuki gave birth to a son, my son Nobun. What came next no one saw coming, the man in black that killed Marcus tricked one of Nobunaga's most trusted generals to kill him at Honnoji Temple. The temple was surrounded by enemies by the time I got to the center it was too late, Nobunaga was killed. Hideyoshi then sent word that my home was being attacked. I rushed home to see it in turmoil but my forces seemed to keep the enemy at bay. My thoughts was focused on one thing though, my family.

I rushed to the castle only to find the man in black standing above Yuki's body on the ground, her head held in his hand, and to my horror my son held in a new arm that looked grotesque. You could see the muscle tissue and tendons until his hand that was still nothing but bone. The man raised Yuki's head up to show me her face and tossed it to the side. Then for the first time ever I hear him speak and it will haunt me forever.

"Consider this a gift... from father to son."

As he spoke I could see the fangs that could back his claim. Without hesitation he snapped Nobun's neck and ripped my son's head from his shoulders and tossed the remains in a fire. Everything flashed before my eyes until I saw nothing but red. I charged at him in a failed attempt to avenge everyone I came to care about only for him to vanish. After everything settled we held a funeral for the fallen and Hideyoshi asked me what we should do now. I looked at the graves of my family clutching my sword in my hands. I left everything in his hands and left Japan going back to Ireland.

I spent centuries hunting down my bastard of a father. He had his hand in almost every war up until 1888. I learned of a killer called "Jack the Ripper" who's methods were just like the old man's. I finally cornered him in a factory and fought him with everything I had. That was the first time I tasted demon's blood as in the middle of the fight I took a bite out of his wrist and for a moment I changed. I was far stronger and faster than I ever been before. I had him where I wanted him until an explosion occurred. With my new power I escaped and when everything settled I searched everywhere for his remaind but found nothing but a single fang.

After that waited 50 years, and the another, only to hear nothing. It was finally over, the one that took so much from me was gone. I spent the years after as a hunter, taking jobs and building up a network to gather intel. Some time in the 1970s my informants told me about an old druid vampire named Morzan that wanted to meet me. When I arrived at his home he said nothing, just motioned to a cup of blood. Trusting him I drank and visions of a younger him flashed in my mind. I have learned about magic but never used it because it reminded him of Yuki. I learned a great deal, more than I had from anyone but there was one thing that caught my attention. A memory of Morzan with that bastard calling him son.

Morzan confirmed that he was my grandfather and took off his hood showing that he was blind. He apologized for not being there to help me fend off my father from those I lost. He also told me about a prophecy about a child born of a human and vampire. Someone who could either end everything or protect it. He was pround that I used my power to help but was hurt because he could sense what i never told anyone. I wanted to die more than anything. He taught me a better way to deal with my pain.

My grandfather told me about everything I ever wondered about. My mother, where I came from, anything I could want to know. In the end talking with Morzan put some of my mind at ease and I decided to retire as a hunter and become an infobroker. That's when I opened up my baby, The Wraith's Haunt, at first just a front for my business with demon hunters. Information, weapons, cheap drink, and great food, everything a guy could hope for. The pub become my home and I came to meet a pretty cool group of people... and Kenway. But that's all to it I suppose, at least for now. I actually feel better about writing all this.

[maia]

A Complete History of My Salary & Wages

A few months ago, I listened to a podcast interview of Ashley C Ford where she laid out the details on how much money she makes, and from which sources. I’ve thought about it a couple times since then and found it very grounding and reassuring whenever I did, even though I am not on the same career path as Ford, and I had never heard of her before the interview. (I have since started following her on twitter though and highly recommend it).

If you follow me on twitter, you know I am brutally honest on all kind of intimate topics. It’s because I believe in the strength behind transparency and the impact it can create. Transparency is particularly powerful with salaries and compensation, and that is why we had transparent salaries at Pinch. Well, that’s my motivational vibe.

So I am posting my complete salary history here in the hopes that it is interesting or helpful to other people.

2007: ~$25,000 in wages

Spock hired me as a summer marketing intern: $2,500/month salary (with potential for a $1,500 bonus at end of summer).

I was 18 when I started at Spock and had my 19th birthday there. I adored working for Spock — it taught me that being excited about the internet could be a career. And my boss Jay was the first person who really believed in me, and was willing to give me enough rope to hang myself. He told me not to tell people I was 18 because they would underestimate me, that I should tell them I was 27. I told most people I was 27 until I actually was. At the end of the summer I decided to take time off from college and continue working for Spock. They brought me on full-time, at a $75k salary.

I had spent the summer living in Redwood City (where Spock’s office is) and renting a room for $800. After the summer I moved to San Francisco and sublet at different places, paying between $600 for a room and $1000 for a studio apartment.

2008: $28,307 in wages

Most of my friends left Spock, so it seemed like the right thing to do. I emailed SeeqPod because I thought they had the coolest product in all of tech at the time — a web app that streamed music from the internet on the iPhone! (this was before there were 3rd party apps on the iPhone). I told them I was really excited about what they were building and would love to contribute however possible and would come on as an unpaid intern. They interviewed me and I did a take-home project: writing a Product Requirements Document for a Hi5 App (Hi5 was the third largest social network after Myspace and Facebook at the time). SeeqPod hired me as a product manager, I think with a $60k salary. My boss Mike was the second person (in an infinite stream) to believe in me and take a big chance on me.

I didn’t have an iPhone, just a flip phone, but I was so excited about the idea of posting photos on the internet from a mobile phone that I set up a tumblr called https://www.maiaeats.com/ that would post new entries every time I texted it a photo or text. I recorded everything I ate in this way.

I went back to college for my sophomore year in the fall. When I left, the CEO of SeeqPod said “Maia, you are the most diplomatic person I’ve ever had work for me. I watch you in meetings help people take their foot out of their mouths and start espousing your idea as if it was their own”. SeeqPod said they would keep my equity vesting over the school year, and we planned for me to transfer to Berkeley the next year as a college junior, to keep working for them. SeeqPod got sued out of existence though, so I stayed on at Olin.

2009: ~$10k in wages

In summer 2009, one of my former colleagues had been impressed with my work at Spock and wanted me to run marketing at his startup, Archivd. I did, but unfortunately his company went under about a month after I started when his cofounder couldn’t get a work visa.

For the rest of the summer, I picked up a half-time job running social media at a startup called NationalBLS in San Francisco. I got another half-time job doing front-end web development for Sprowtt, in Palo Alto (like Kickstarter + AngelList). I lived in a basement in Oakland and had a terrible commute.

That fall, I lived in Cambridge and got a part-time internship at HubSpot while in college. It was magical to live in Cambridge and work for HubSpot… the best time I had during college. I think they offered me $14/hour and I surprised them by negotiating to $15/hour.

2010: $1,800 in wages

I worked full-time for Hubspot ($15/hour) for the month of January before I went to study abroad in Copenhagen for Spring semester. I stayed in Europe that summer and did not work the rest of the year.

2011: $0 in wages

I graduated college in May 2011, sort of… having spent the spring busy trying to convalesce from a horrible car accident in January 2011, I was behind on my school work and so I walked on stage at the ceremony in May but technically hadn’t graduated yet. My generous professors let me make up the work in summer/fall, and I got my diploma at the end of the Fall 2011 semester.

I sold stock I had bought during college with my income from my year off to pay for my life this year.

2012: $61,988 in wages

Desperate for a job, my friend Richa helped me find a role at the consultancy she worked for in January 2012, where I wrote XSL-T (it’s like CSS, for XML documents). I made $60k salary (less than I had made when I was 19), but I was grateful for the opportunity (and for the health insurance!). They originally offered me $55k, and I negotiated up a smidge.

At the end of the summer, I met Meg who was starting a new company, Rocksbox. She hired me as her first employee, a UX designer. I think Meg asked me “What do people like you make?” and I said “Something like $75k,” and she said “Ok, that seems fine.” My salary was $72k.

2013: $22,416 in wages

Meg invited me to join on as cofounder & CTO of Rocksbox. As a cofounder, I took no salary for much of the year.

I lived in a two bedroom apartment with several other people — my friend Katie and I technically shared a bedroom together with one queen bed and both spent most nights at our respective boyfriend’s apartments. The household hosted people from Airbnb in our dining room and I made an additional $5k on top of my $22k salary to put towards my rent.

I remember being exhausted, flipping Airbnb rooms. My boyfriend asked “This seems really terrible, why do you do it?” I said “…. for the money, obviously.” He said “Oh but you don’t need the money,” and I sat there quietly, thinking, what does it mean for one to need the money?

2014: $66,323 in wages

Meg raised $1.5M for Rocksbox, and I was able to take a higher salary — I think back to $72k!

We still hosted Airbnbs in our dining room from which I made an extra $3,300.

My lawsuit against the guy who hit me with his truck settled for $100k. My lawyer took 1/3 and transferred me $66,000: the most humiliating, exhausting, painful, least worth it money I have ever “earned” in my entire life.

2015: $84,725 in wages

I was making more from Rocksbox — my salary increased from ~$72k at the beginning of 2015 to about ~$150k towards the end of the year.

My roommates and I moved to a big fancy house with a separate bedroom where we could host people on Airbnb. Technically my rent was $2,400/month but with the Airbnb it usually netted out to $1,400. I made $2,400 from Airbnb this year.

2016: $67,769 in wages

I left Rocksbox (and my $150k annual salary) to start Pinch, where we paid ourselves $50k. Rocksbox bought back my unvested equity for $780.

This year, with the separate bedroom on Airbnb, I made another $9,220. In September my roommate and I moved to a different apartment and stopped hosting on Airbnb. My rent was $1,500.

2017: $58,686 in wages

Towards the end of 2017, our $50k salary at Pinch was really starting to hurt. We raised a bit more and upped our salaries to $100k. The money from my car accident dwindled. I moved to my own apartment for the first time, and my rent was $2,000/month.

2018: $121,277 in wages

In summer 2018, we sold Pinch to Chime. My job offer at Chime was for $175k.

Some of our offers for Pinch came with a signing bonus. I wanted to evaluate offers based on the people and the culture, so I told myself I would act as though I had received a signing bonus even if I technically hadn’t. When we joined Chime (no signing bonus), I bought myself a scooter online. It never arrived, and I eventually did a chargeback on my credit card.

2019: $195,834 in wages

My salary at Chime was increased to $200k early in 2019 as a market adjustment, where it remains today. In October 2019 I moved out of my $2,000/month apartment to couch-surf with plans to eventually move to New York.

Conclusion

I was really excited about the idea of writing this post and bringing transparency. The process of writing it out and reliving it all though… it feels bad. I think of myself as a happy person, but when I read this now, I feel for my younger self. I worked and scrambled and stressed out about everything.

I’ve tweeted before that my biggest regret of my 20’s is that I didn’t spend more money. It wasn’t received well by the financial responsibility crowd on twitter, but my guess is that they’ve had a different (and more stable) career history than I have. I do regret that I saved any money in my 20's — I should have spent it all, spent freely on frivolous creature comforts, used money to make my life easier whenever possible and worried less about the future. But of course, hindsight is 20/20.

[eponymous-rose]

Best-Laid Plans...

We had a great arc-ending session last night, so I thought this might be a fun chance to share how I prep as a DM... and how things inevitably changed in the game itself!

(If you’re one of my players stumbling onto this, hi, and also thank you again for the amazing scotch. Please let me know you’ve found this account so I can be careful about what I give away in these posts in the future!)

Basically, the entire goofy premise of this arc was, “Hey, so bards have access to the spell Modify Memory. With carefully targeted concerts, a boy band could secretly be changing the fate of nations.”

This campaign’s set (mostly for my convenience in early-game worldbuilding) in CR’s Tal’Dorei campaign setting, during the year gap that happened toward the end of their first campaign. The party started in Kymal, since it was a good-sized city in the middle of everything that hadn’t really been explored too much in the show.

As the campaign begins, the monster-hunting guild from the show, the Slayers’ Take, are expanding their operation into Tal’Dorei’s Dividing Plains (in large part because Vanessa wanted to get Lyra out of Vasselheim for a while), and their first round of advertising for potential new recruits has pulled in a pretty good crowd. Under Lyra’s eccentric delegation, the players get grouped together for a job that involves checking out the mysterious disappearance of a bookish elf in town, under the assumption that some monstrous beastie has devoured him, and that beastie should probably be hunted. Instead, they find a lot of deep-dive research into the Feywild, along with a weird portal in his basement that takes them to a strange pocket plane where they fight some sentient plants and talk to an extremely creepy entity that offers them protection from scrying eyes in exchange for an ill-defined favor.

After getting jumped by a group of kobolds (one of whom they sort of accidentally befriend via cookie-related bribes and implications that they may be some sort of deity), the group decides that avoiding whatever’s trying to take them out is a good call. They head back to report a modified version of their findings to Lyra... and find her standing over the corpses of all the other Slayer's Take hopefuls, badly shaken and completely baffled as to why she'd do such a thing. They opt to hang out and wait for the authorities to take her into custody, which results in a bit of confusion and a night spent in jail with their kobold pal.

The city watch eventually opts to let them go, but offer the party a job joining their security detail for the city's charismatic but not-terribly-effectual margrave as he does a meet-and-greet tour of the local casinos. The group agrees to meet at the margrave's mansion that evening to help out... and they promptly spend the day smuggling illegal materials across the city wall for a friendly local tavern owner. As you do.

The meet-and-greet is fairly uneventful until the margrave enters one of the largest casinos in town (the two largest are, of course, fronts run by the Clasp and the Myriad crime organizations, respectively), at which point the party's recollection of events starts to diverge. The druid and the fighter see mysterious black-robed figures attacking from an upper balcony of the building, and are about to chase after them... when the other two members of their party suddenly collapse, unconscious and bleeding. The sorcerer and the ranger saw something very different. After succeeding at a wisdom saving throw that the others failed (the results of which were kept secret from the rest of the party), they managed to shake off the effects of a Modify Memory spell and see what really happened: a single black-robed figure stalking up to the margrave and shooting him in the head with a crossbow. They attempt to engage the attacker and are quickly cut down by the attacker's allies.

In the chaos, the party are joined by one surviving hopeful of that first night at the Slayer's Take, who'd disappeared before the carnage started: a human woman named Zo, who manages to smuggle them out through a passage underneath the casino. Once the injured party members are patched up, she reveals that she's a Spireling working for the Clasp. She's very careful to dance around most of the group's questions, and is very curious as to how they survived the attack on the Slayers' Take, which the group manages to avoid answering as well. It's all very tense, but eventually Zo strongly requests that they venture into the nearby mountains to find a powerful and ancient creature that once pledged its aid to the Clasp. When they hesitate, she casually threatens their families. Thieves' guilds, man. Often helpful, but definitely not nice. She smuggles them out of town through the Clasp's web of sewers and tunnels.

The group does a little meandering outside the city, makes some friends, has a good old-fashioned dungeon crawl, helps patch things up a bit between a devil and a deva (the most awkward of ex-girlfriends)... and everyone occasionally gets pulled into the Feywild for tests and trials, apparently being administered by an underling (a deeply sarcastic satyr woman who delights in her surreal brand of middle management) of the same entity that contacted them way back at the beginning. There's a lot of near-death experiences, an attempt at befriending a blink dog, and everyone winds up assigned a particular symbol. It's all very mysterious, but the party's getting stronger as a result.

Eventually, the group finds the Clasp's protector, a bronze dragon, killed with a dire warning written in its blood on the wall behind it.

They very nearly decide to make a run for it, but after some deliberation, they instead sneak back into Kymal to find that things are... pretty much normal, for the most part. According to the inhabitants of the city, the margrave's fine and dandy after the assassination "attempt". The party tries to head back to chat with their pal the tavern owner, but find his tavern abandoned and in the middle of being robbed... by a group including their old kobold buddy. The kobold cheerfully switches allegiances to their side (the fighter has a bag of infinite cookies), helps them chase off the robbers, and introduces them to a fastidious street-cleaner friend who witnessed a body being removed from the casino during the assassination "attempt".

The party finally decides to go poking around the margrave's mansion, where they run into their tavern-owner friend who seems to be doing the same thing. He admits that his relationship with the Clasp may be a little more friendly than he first implied, and says he's sniffing around on Zo's orders. He's startled when an ordinary-looking toolshed appears, covered in chains. The party realizes that the fighter's symbol from their Feywild excursion is a link of chains, and as soon as he touches the chains, they vanish.

The party, plus the tavern owner (a gold dragonborn monk from Marquet named Orshi), wind up in a strange sequence of puzzle rooms running under the margrave's mansion that generally require them to leverage the symbols they were given in the Feywild to solve - for instance, the solution to one puzzle can only be written in a book by the druid (whose symbol was a feather) using a feather quill, and the ranger (whose symbol was an eye) is the only one who can see the correct path through a maze.

And right in the middle of all those puzzles is where we left off!

So here's my preparation: 

I had a set of things that needed to happen in this session:

Finish up the puzzles with something that leveraged the symbol of a glowing star.

Reveal that the Fantasy Backstreet Boys (mentioned in passing at least once per session as passing through Kymal on tour) are an illusion created by a powerful group of magic-users to get them access to (and the ability to modify the memories of and/or get away with assassinating) important figures in towns across the Dividing Plains and beyond.

Answer some of the party's extant questions, because they'd been in the dark long enough and deserved some closure.

I set it up with seven brief (1-2--page) documents, laid out as follows:

Recap of the previous sessions (we hadn't played in a few months).

Puzzle rooms! The first puzzle was a play on a moving tile puzzle from an Uncharted game, where the hints leading to the correct path could only be found by having the sorcerer (with the symbol of a glowing star) be the one to light the room up. I decided at the last minute to be a jerk and also do the classic countdown puzzle room, where the doors lock behind the party and an extremely ominous countdown from 20 starts, which can be reset by pressing a button in the middle of the room (the idea being that the party's own paranoia will keep them mashing that button while they search every inch of the room... but it turns out that the countdown is just until the door opens and means nothing more; it's a great test to see how convinced your players are that character death is a possibility, because if they hesitate a lot you're probably pushing it too hard, but if they don't hesitate at all to let the countdown run out they're probably feeling a bit immortal). These puzzles are being manufactured by an entity with a vested interest in just plain annoying the group, so it seemed like a good call.

Description of the final cavern, where they see a single yuan-ti in a blue robe practicing his illusion of the Fantasy Backstreet Boys while on a conference call with his boss (whose voice is the only thing present, coming from the form of a floating silver orb). This one took some rehearsal, because I had the ominous dramatic background music slowly fading out to "Backstreet's Back" to time up with the reveal. That was a real “what is my life right now” moment.

Two documents with different dialogue possibilities based on whether the group is detected or manages to stay stealthy (if they stealth, they can potentially overhear a long conversation between this yuan-ti and his boss; if their approach is noted, they're likely to be attacked on sight).

Stat blocks for the yuan-ti (essentially a warlock) and two clockwork snakes he keeps under the stage, as well as a stat block for Orshi, who's likely to be fighting alongside the party to help make up for the extremely lopsided CR of these enemies. In addition, the room has some fairly poorly built security features in the form of statues scattered around the room - at initiative count 20, roll a d12 to pick the effect the statues have on everything in a 10-foot radius. Ideally, they're supposed to have negative effects (the yuan-ti is smart enough to do anything to avoid getting caught in those radii) like a stun, a brief application of the Confusion spell, sleep, etc., but they're malfunctioning and occasionally result in positive effects like a brief application of the Haste spell or a small pool of temporary hit points. Strategy-wise, Orshi will fight as long as the group does and will generally try to help them out where he can; the snakes are unintelligent and will often attack random enemies if surrounded instead of strategizing; and the yuan-ti is extremely smart and ruthless and will target one enemy until it's dead before moving on to the next.

The aftermath of the fight: in the middle of any looting (some fun potions and a store of trade bars of gold and silver that were being used to help bankroll this operation), Zo comes in through a hidden passageway with some of the Clasp's people. She reveals that she'd sent Orshi poking around the tool shed explicitly as a distraction so she could get her people into the margrave's mansion to poke around. They found some of the margrave's very confused staff, but no sign of the guy himself, and eventually stumbled across a secret passageway leading from his sleeping chambers down here. They'd come down ready for a fight (and if the party had delayed another day in starting this whole exploration, that fight would've happened without them), but they missed the excitement. Zo answers a lot of the party's questions (I have six or seven potential questions listed along with some point-form answers she'd give) and helps them piece together that it looks like this yuan-ti and his boss are part of a larger cult that's been pulling in mercenaries and ne'er-do-wells across the continent to quietly usurp the leadership of cities and towns for some unknown purpose possibly related to one of their snake gods. The Clasp sent Zo to the Slayer's Take to make sure they weren't trying to make a bid for power in the city (which, surprise, was Vanessa's alternative motivation), and she coincidentally got caught up in this mysterious cult's more permanent way of dealing with this upstart organization that could pose a threat to their plans. She apologizes for the earlier brute-force tactics in getting them to comply, arranges to meet Orshi at his tavern the next morning to figure out how to proceed, and invites the party to join that meeting as well. Orshi invites the party to stay at his tavern free of charge.

As they're leaving, the party are briefly pulled into the Feywild by their very excited middle-manager satyr friend, who explains that, given their performance, she's been authorized to answer some of their questions. I wrote up a series of potential questions and answers about their employer (some unknown but immensely powerful Fey creature seeking to extend their influence into the Prime Material plane - essentially, the entire party is getting a bit of a Pact of the Archfey warlock vibe), the satyr (a minor dignitary with the Seelie Court who got herself into potentially fatal trouble and had this mysterious employer to thank for pulling her out of that situation), and the place where they've been training (not actually the Feywild, but a pocket dimension made to look like it). If they ask about the elf whose disappearance started all this, she reveals that he was doing research into the Feywild, made contact with their employer, and they'd been working together to start bridging the planes, which resulted in the portal they'd stumbled into. The yuan-ti cult got wind of his research and had him killed, which accidentally drew the attention of the Slayer's Take, which got them killed (with Lyra - an extremely powerful wizard - framed via Modify Memory spell to wrap up the loose ends). Once the questioning's done, she congratulates them again, and we leave it there for the night.

I also write something up for the possibility that the party is defeated: they have a different Feywild encounter immediately, where a more subdued satyr tells them that they've been revived/healed and are currently prisoners of the yuan-ti. She assures them that their mutual employer will be looking out for them, answers some of their questions, then regretfully leaves them to their fate. Whereupon, as it turns out, Zo is about to spring her attack...

So that's the preparation I had for this week's session! Very linear, without a lot of branching paths, but I also had to be very sure about every faction's awareness, motivations, and willingness to share certain information, so it wound up being pretty involved. It also felt really contrived on paper to have these info-dumps, but I suspected it would feel more natural to the players given how badly they were looking for those answers.

And... here's what really went down!

The party solved both puzzles fairly quickly (which was a good indicator that they may be getting a bit complacent vis-a-vis potential character death, which is Good To Know for ominous reasons). The stealth check into the main chamber was only DC 13, with a group check (so all they needed was 3/5 members to succeed), but they failed hilariously with a couple of natural ones, so the yuan-ti was ready for them when they arrived. The Backstreet Boys reveal was very funny.

Before the yuan-ti could just straight-up attack them, though, the party started taunting him mercilessly. He had snakes for arms (as you do), so they started asking how he did a whole variety of everyday tasks, causing a bit of an existential crisis. They pointed out the statues and asked if he really felt like he had to build an audience for his pretend band. The druid started flirting with him aggressively, which he was kind of into? This whole back-and-forth was being yelled across a cavern, so there was a lot of "WHAT? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? Seriously, I missed it, say that again." and at one point a couple people just got really amused by the echoes off the chamber walls and started yelling random words, adding to the chaos. The yuan-ti's employer was just listening to all this in confusion, and when the yuan-ti turned to explain what was happening, the ranger took the moment of confusion to attack.

The battle was really heated, with the fighter nearly dying a couple of times (the yuan-ti latched onto him with Vampiric Touch and kept leeching his life), Orshi taking an impromptu nap, and the sorcerer getting viciously downed by the yuan-ti after she managed to hit him with a Witch Bolt. Eventually, though, the clockwork snakes were dismantled, the yuan-ti was surrounded and out of spell slots, and he was down to 1 HP and extremely desperate. I was about to have him attempt an escape by transforming into a snake, but the party instead demanded that he surrender. I had the newly healed sorcerer roll a Persuasion check... natural 20. He compliantly went down on his knees and raised his snake hands in surrender; he's definitely smart enough to know it's best to live to fight another day.

The party tried to interrogate him, but he generally ignored what they were saying in favor of being a creep (quietly cutting in while the sorcerer was speaking to ask her what it had felt like to be so close to death, if she enjoyed the feeling, if she'd like to feel that again). The druid, in dire wolf form, responded by licking the side of his head until his hair was thoroughly messed up and he was coated in drool. They didn't get much information from him, and the group eventually decided to knock him out again.

A big debate followed: the sorcerer thought it would be best to help clear things up if they took him prisoner, but the druid argued (via replies to Message, since she was still a dire wolf) that nobody in this city would be competent enough to hold him prisoner and that it would be best to kill him. Lots of discussion followed while the group split up to do some looting, and eventually Zo's name was brought up, and it was decided that it might be best to bring him to the Clasp.

It felt like way too much of a coincidence to have Zo pop up at that moment, even thought that’s what I had planned, so I let them explore the cavern for a while, coming up with some great loot here and there, but also missing some very powerful items with slightly-too-low investigation checks. The conversation turned to the yuan-ti and the burning question that occupies everyone's minds if they think about it too much: if his arms are snakes... what other parts of him are snakes? The debate came to a head (sorry) when the druid, in dire wolf form, decided to try to pull off his pants and find out. I had her roll a general Dexterity check because she was, you know, a dire wolf.

Natural 20.

Biggest laugh of the night: the look on my face as I tried to mentally work out the logistics for a giant wolf pulling someone's trousers off Extremely Well, followed by "Okay. So. You know the tablecloth trick?" 

We all learned something about snake anatomy that day, and the new catch-phrase of our D&D group became "Sorry about your browser history, DM." After cry-laughing as a group for several minutes straight, I finally had Zo wade into this mess and start answering questions.

She was startled that they'd managed to keep the yuan-ti alive and contained (as was I, honestly, since that wasn't a possibility I'd planned for) and agreed to have the Clasp take him into custody. I am Extremely Delighted that this villain is alive. The group was very concerned about Lyra, and Zo agreed to pull some strings with the city's guard to get her released. The party brought up the death of the Clasp's protector dragon in the mountains, and Zo fell silent for half a minute, processing what that meant. Finally, they all agreed to meet up at Orshi's tavern the next day. Orshi offered to let them stay, whereupon they revealed that his place was kind of ransacked and they may have left a severed head on one of the shelves in his back room. As you do. 

They were on their way back, had their interaction with the satyr, and managed to hit nearly every answer I'd prepared for, and we called it a night from there.

Next session: wrapping up this plot, downtime, and a little fleshing out of backstories while everyone paints minis!

[pixzie-writes]

The Fallen - Prologue

Title: The Fallen - Prologue

Summary:  I was just minding my own business, trying to complete my projects when something caught my attention. Apparently someone has details concerning my parents? I went out to investigate when my night turned into quite a hell fest. Maybe it is one. By the way, who is this guy? Why is he wearing all black?

Relationship: V (Devil May Cry) / F!Reader

Warning: Explicit language

Word Count: 1874

A/N: There’s not a lot of V fan fiction works out here so I thought I’d try my hand at writing a few. Forgive me, but when I saw DMC5 trailers, I kinda fell in love with V’s character. So, here it is! I welcome every feedback so I can continue to improve my writing language!

Prologue | Ch. 1 | Ch. 2

 I couldn’t sleep a wink. No matter how hard I try, I just couldn’t. The rain pattering against the window usually helps me trigger the melatonin in my brain. I had the aromatherapy on with the lavender essential oil. I’ve tried everything from the melatonin pills to tiring myself out physically. Well, there are a few other things I could have tried, but I rather use it as a last resort. One of the many nights of suffering from insomnia, I wouldn’t want to wish it on my worse enemies… yet.

I turned to look at my clock, reading at 3:48 AM. Growing frustrated, I finally gave up and threw open my covers, shivering a little from the sudden movement from the blankets. Grabbing the black leggings off my chair, I quickly slipped it on and slipped on my socks. I shuffled around the room in the dark until I finally turned on the lamps that sat at my desk, causing me to strain my eyes until I finally adjusted to it. Rubbing my eyes and opening the laptop, I yawned as I waited for the laptop to turn on. If I couldn’t sleep, might as well continue working on my projects. Maybe I should get coffee started first. As I log in, waiting for a few more minutes for the laptop to finish loading up I decided to go ahead and make my coffee, going through the narrow hallway of my old apartment, into the living room and then finally to the kitchen, which was connected to the living room.

It’s small enough, perfect size to me, apartment that is affordable enough for me considering that my budget. The paint off the wall is being chipped and torn off a bit, but I didn’t care enough to complain about it to try to get it repainted by the landlord. A few things could use a bit of a fixing such as the half-bathroom down the hall near the kitchen could have its toilet fixed. I don’t need two working toilets, though. As long as I have a roof over my head, working shower, working toilet, clothes, and food in my belly, I’m perfectly satisfied. Student loans are quite a lot to handle and I need the extra money I could earn to get it paid off. I’ll probably never be able to pay it off, considering the economic situation everyone is having. The rich being too greedy with their money isn’t a good outlook to the outsiders.

I grabbed the coffee filter out of the cabinet, fished one out of the bag and turned to the pantry closet to grab my favorite brand of coffee. Poured enough for 8 cups of coffee into the filter. It is going to be a long night and I need all the caffeine I could get. Maybe I’ll get a crash from all that coffee and I’ll finally savor any sleep I could get even if I pass out in the middle of class. I grab the pot when I finished putting the filter inside, pouring the water inside to finish getting the pot ready to brew. I turned on the power and sat on the counter, waiting patiently as I stare at the window, watching the rain patter against it.

I heard my laptop made a notification noise, remembering that I made my e-mail program to open automatically when I start it up. Curious, I decided to check it out while the coffee pot finishes up. I pull up my chair, opening up the e-mail as I sat down. The e-mail read:

Sender: Anonymous

Subject: URGENT

Please meet me at the park near you. It concerns your parents.

I read it slowly again, trying to understand the message, and hovered my cursor over the sender to see if they used a legit e-mail or a false one. It was a bunch of jumbled letters as if someone smashed the keyboard and the service they are using to send it doesn’t seem to exist. I wasn’t sure if this is a legit e-mail or an attempt to kidnap me. As far to my knowledge, my real parents passed away from a deadly accident and I got adopted later on. I didn’t remember much of my real one, as I was just a toddler when all that happened. Cliché of a story, I know. Now this person claims to have knowledge of my parents? When I got old enough to want to know more of my parents, there were very little details of them and no extended family exists from either side. It’s almost as if no one wants me to find out the truth of my real parents, but I decided to drop it before it gave me even more of a headache. Still, I want to know more of my parents even if it just info on the whereabouts of my extended family. It couldn’t hurt to check it out. But before I decide to get dressed, I should have my cup of coffee first.

I walk out to the park in my hoodie and jeans, completed with some combat boots. Simple yet comfortable outfit does the job for me. I’m not too worried about my appearance anyways. I had my umbrella out, plus the hoodie covering my head. No one is out and about in the park. After all, it is late in the middle of the night and it’s rain out. I decided to walk towards the playground, trying to keep an eye out on anything or anyone suspicious or out of the ordinary. It’s starting to get cold, which thankfully I had my hoodie on for. A dark figure starts to step out of the shadow, startling me. I have my biggest key ready in between my knuckles in case I need to defend myself. A man with black hair that reaches his shoulders, stares back at me. He is wearing a long black coat and what seems to be a vest underneath that. Black pants with black sandals. Everything black. His pale skin is covered in tattoos as well.

Breaking the silence, I attempted to confront him about the e-mail that I received earlier; “Uh you’re the one that sent me that e-mail, right?” I asked, stammering over my words a little, obviously nervous. The man simply nodded, still not saying a word. I look around the surrounding area, seeing if there might be anyone or anything else hiding in the shadows like he was. Attempting to get a word out of him, I try to a stern voice, “Why the secrecy? Were you watching me?”

“Not you. Them.” He finally answers, motioning his head towards something behind me. Gulping, I slowly turn around, gripping my keys hard that it started to hurt. A bunch of strange creatures seemed to have materialized behind me when I wasn’t looking. I could feel my heart start to pound inside me, wanting to scream but nothing would come out. What were they and why are they here? Were they hunting something? Someone? Were they hunting me? One of them starts to jump towards me. I try to shield myself with my arms, shutting my eyes tightly, begging to myself to wake up. Maybe I did fall asleep and I just don’t think this is a dream. Next thing I heard, I heard a roar from sounded like a panther or something. I opened my eyes, almost afraid to open them up. I could see a panther-like creature attacking the creatures with… blades? I walked backwards, trying to get away from the proximity of the battle. I turned and tried to run for my apartment when I got cut off by another one of those creatures. A griffon started to attack it before it could swipe its claws at me. I crouch down, burying my head into my knees, basically trying to make myself as small as possible.

A few more roars and screeches were heard, bodies being dropped, and what was actually minutes felt like hours went by. Noises stopped and now all I am hearing are footsteps, approaching me slowly. The footsteps stopped and I slowly start to look around, seeing there’s nothing. Not a single body dead on the ground. I start to get confused, murmuring to myself, “Wh-what?” I stand up slowly; turn around to see the same strange man looking at me with his cane out this time. I slowly back up until I’m against a tree and held out my keys, trying to use it as a weapon to stab him with, “Stay back!” He scoffed and shrugged, “ I just got rid of all those Nobodies for you and you think I’M the threat?”

“I-I don’t know. This is… What? Nobodies? For all I know, it could be that you summoned them.”

“That’s fair. But it doesn’t also make sense for me to try to get rid of them just to save you. They want you for something. Or maybe someone really wants you dead.”

“Who would want me dead? What about my parents?”

“Hmm, I don’t know and I think your real parents are connected to whatever the shit is going on with you.”

He starts to walk away; his creatures start to follow behind him. I wanted to know more. He couldn’t just tell me all this and expect me to drop it. I put away my keys, suddenly calling out after him, “Wait!” He pauses, his head start to look over his shoulders, waiting for me to speak. Trying to find the words, I finally decided to settle for thanking him, “Thank you for saving my life. I… I don’t know who my real parents are and there’s very little of details of them and my extended family. You’re the first to probably know any real details of them.” He waited patiently, not saying anything back. He’s quite the silent type. I continued, “Let me come with you.”

“No,” he said immediately, start to walk away again. Determined, I walk up quickly to catch up to him and grabbed his shoulders to try to make him face me. He stared at me, his eyebrows furrowing, as he does not like to be touched or grabbed like that it seems.

“I’m coming with you whether you like it or not. You say they’re after me. They’re going to keep coming after me unless I’m safe with you.”

He stayed silent for a few minutes, contemplating something, thinking deeply to himself. He sighed, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, and finally looked at me. “Fine,” he said, sighing in the defeat. I smile, start to turn towards my apartment when he continued, “You don’t have time to pack a bag. We need to go now.”

“Wait where are we going.”

“Someone who could help us.”

I followed behind him for quite a while, my feet growing tired. My eyes start to strain themselves a bit when we finally came to a stop. I looked up to him, his eyes glued on to something. I followed the direction of what he was staring at, coming down to a small building with a bright neon sign. Devil May Cry.

[itscaptainyoulittlemaggot]

Professor Rogers’ Office (Part Four)

Burdened with a hangover, you and Steve meet Bucky and Natasha for a lunch date that descends into yet more drunkenness, all in the name of becoming more involved in each others’ lives. 

Notes: Professor!Steve x Reader; College AU; Strictly 18+; There’s smut coming in part five. 

Professor Rogers’ Office Masterlist

Steve Rogers Writing Challenge

Saturday morning. Light cracked through the curtains, bathing you both in an obnoxious shade of orange. It was 10AM but you wondered whether sleep had even touched your eyes. 

You and Steve had been up until five, working on the first draft of your research project together. The pair of you had been there since midday, sitting on the floor, backs against the sofa, encircled by research papers and textbooks, notes and more books. Steve was a stickler for writing things out by hand, much to your  annoyance, but he had given you the most beautiful leather bound journal to write your draft in. He reasoned that it would make you think more about every argument, paragraph, line and even every word you put into your work. 

That it did. You looked up at the ceiling, thinking about everything, muttering everything out loud. Everything was assessed by Steve and once he approved of what you were trying to say, you’d neatly note it in the book. It was a slow way of doing things. Not helped by Steve starting to ply you both by whisky by three in the afternoon. But progress was being made. He didn’t distract you any more than he needed to. Steve was helping. Just like he said he would. 

Three sheets to the wind, half a dissertation and two bottles of whisky later, the pair of you collapsed into bed. Steve nodded off instantly, but you just laid there, on your back, staring at the ceiling. 

It felt like you had been doing that for the six hours you had been there. Your brain still wrapped up in a giddy, drunken daze, pondering every glorious detail of the last few weeks. You looked over at Steve, who was still asleep in a cocoon of blankets. ‘So this is what it’s like to have somebody,’ you mused, smiling to yourself. 

It was so foreign but so incredibly comforting. You wondered why you had tried to run from it in the beginning. Now you just let it envelope you. 

You had agreed to start small. Your biggest fear was judgment from those closest to you and Steve. And there were so many inlets in your relationship for that to seep in. So many things people might tell you were wrong. They might tell you the age gap was to wide, or you too naive. Or that you were merely a rebound. So many worries.

But you were both determined to make it work. For that to happen, you had to get your friends on board. You already knew Bucky and Natasha from their wedding. That, according to you both, was starting small.

Setting about planning the day in your mind, how to steer the potential conversations into easy territory, how to get them to like you, fielding what you could remember about the couple… your train of thought quickly derailed as Steve began to stir. 

He draped a heavy arm around your waist and pulled himself into your side. “Do we have to go?” Steve mumbled against your skin. 

You carded your fingers through his hair, laughing to yourself. “Why? You hungover?”

“Yup.”

“Pop a couple painkillers, chug some water and jump in the shower. Moisturise or something. You’ll be fine.”

Steve didn’t speak, instead, he responded by wailing, nuzzling at your skin. You were having none of it.

“This was your idea.”

“Not my best.”

“We’re going.”

What Steve didn’t know was how much you didn’t want to go either.

As it turned out, ‘lunch’ with Bucky and Natasha, meant a completely different thing to them. 

The venue for the meeting was a place called ‘The Raven,’ a small and dingy rock bar on the other side of town specialising in beer, beer and more beer. Not exactly something either of you craved after last night; nor was it the type of place you and Steve would ever frequent. 

Punters, big burly figures in denim vests and bandanas, eyed you both as you scanned the room for Steve’s friends. To them, the pair of you were possibly the nerdiest looking creatures you had ever seen.

You clung to Steve’s arm as you made your way further into the dimly lit room, peeking into each of the booths. Finally, tucked away in the far corner, nursing a stein each, was Bucky and Natasha. Their surroundings fitted them to a tee. 

“Steve!” Bucky beamed, shooting to his feet to hug his friend. He turned his attention to you, giving you a quick look up and down, before hugging you too. “Girl Steve!”

No sooner had your face parted ways with Bucky’s chest but you were being smothered by a mane of red hair and overwhelmed by the scent of Christmas candles and caramel. 

When Natasha was done, she looked up at Bucky. “Look, they even dress the same, how sweet!” she cooed. 

Neither you nor Steve knew how to take that comment; you just glanced at each other and grimaced. 

“Okay, nerds, I’m gonna get a round in, what are you having?” Bucky said, clasping his hands together. 

Steve shook his head. “No, I-I’m good for now, Buck.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows and pointed at Steve. “Beer.” Then he pointed at you.

“I don’t know if I should…”

“Beer. Good.”

You, Steve and Natasha took your seats in the red leather booth. She sat opposite you and smirked. 

“Nat, I know that look.”

“I think it’s great you’re getting back on your feet,” she said, reaching over to touch Steve’s arm. “She’s cute.”

Bucky came back to the booth, carrying a tray of steins. Your stomach churned at the thought of having to drink one of those. 

“James, don’t you think they’re cute?” Natasha drawled. 

Bucky paused as he dished out the beers, looking at your and Steve with a furrowed brow. “I guess.”

“You guys definitely make a cute couple, I’m so happy.”

“Is this a joke?” you snapped. 

Natasha was taken aback. Steve and Bucky too. “Why would it be a joke?”

You struggled to form words. Steve put his hand on your arm reassuringly. 

“All I’m saying is that Steve looks happy. I’m happy you’re making my friend happy because god knows Peggy never did,” she said defensively. 

You could feel the embarrassment welling up inside you. Not even ten minutes with these people, you were already making a fool out of yourself. “Sorry,” you said quietly. 

“Never calling you cute again, by the way, point taken,” Natasha joked. 

After that, you zoned out, looking down at your drink. Unsure of what to say, and disgusted by the thought of drinking again to aid you on your way. You let the grown ups have their own conversation, not tuning in or saying a word. 

Then you felt an elbow to your rib. 

You sat bolt upright. “Huh?” 

“Tell ‘em what you do,” Steve said. 

You stumbled your way towards an answer: “Oh, uh… I study history. Modern… European history. German reunification is my main sort of focus with that.”

Bucky and Natasha listened intently, their eyes lighting up as you began talking about your dissertation, even if sounded clinical and matter of fact to you. They were fascinated. 

“And what are you gonna do after college? Are you gonna go to grad school?” Bucky asked.

“No… I don’t really know. I kind of just studied history on a whim because of my parents. It’s not really my passion.”

“Well what is?” Natasha asked.

“I always wanted to be a painter, you know. But my folks always told me I wasn’t good enough for art school, that it wasn’t a viable career, no money in it. But yeah, I might go into high school teaching. Maybe.”

“But if it’s your passion, why not just go for it? Surely being happy is better than pleasing your parents? Right?” Natasha pressed. 

Steve turned to you, “and you’re smart. Really smart. I mean, you could do whatever you wanted.” He faced Bucky and Natasha again. “Did I mention how smart she is? Straight A’s!”

“Yeah that’s because you’re marking all my papers.”

“Sleeping with the teacher, where have I heard that before?” Bucky remarked, settling back into his seat and winking at Steve. 

Your mouth dropped open as you looked at Steve. 

His cheeks were scarlet and his hands were over his eyes. Half his beer was gone. “Listen, listen,” he said, attempting to stifle a laugh. “I was B student at best with a BEST FRIEND who constantly got me into all kinds of trouble and precisely zero prospects. There was nothing else I could do!”

“So you fucked… what was her name again?” Bucky continued.

“Professor van Dyne,” Steve admitted. 

“She’s gotta be a hundred years old right now,” Bucky said, shaking his head. 

The conversation had driven you to take the first sip of your now warm beer.

“I guess what I’m saying is, you have prospects,” Steve concluded, wrapping his arm around your waist. 

“So I don’t have to sleep with you anymore? Great, bye!” 

“So are you just naturally smart, or how hard do you have to work?” Natasha asked. 

“Nooooo. Not by a long shot,” you began. “I have to study a lot. It’s a lot of stress. I’ll just be glad when college is over. It’s not for me, really.”

“Really stresses you out, huh?” she said.

“Put it this way: Steve’s probably seen me cry more than my own mother.”

“You know, Steve’s a crybaby too,” Bucky added. 

“Aaaaaaaaand I gotta take a leak,” Steve said. 

Steve excused himself, leaving you alone with his friends. Pressured into talking to them, you asked them what they did for a living. 

“I run a shooting school,” Bucky said proudly. 

“And I teach a self defence class for women in disadvantaged communities.”

“We both used to work in law enforcement,” Bucky added.

“He worked for the NYPD and I was FBI for a while. We had so many run ins on the job, so many pissing contests. But I knew he liked me,” Natasha explained.

“But when we decided we wanted a life together, we just decided to pack it in. Have a simpler life.”

“And we couldn’t be happier,” Natasha concluded, smacking her hand to Bucky’s chest. 

Badass and happy? Steve returned, just as you had concluded that his friends were truly sickening. 

“How did you meet this guy?” you asked, cocking your thumb in Steve’s direction.

Steve flopped down beside you, throwing an arm over your shoulder. “For my sake,” he began, “please give her the non lame version.”

“Please give me the lame version.”

“Well,” Bucky shifted forward in his seat, “Steve was the scrawniest little shit in kindergarten. But he was yappy, like a ratty little dog. Anyway, he was going off on this one rich kid called Stark for taking his favourite fire truck. But Stark beat him up so hard that Stevie crapped his pants. Literally, crapped. His. Pants.”

“And we’re getting the lame version,” Steve interjected. 

“Oh yeah,” Bucky nodded. “So anyway, I see this happening. I was one of the bigger kids in the class, I could take ‘em all. But I don’t like bullies. I go over to Stark in front of everybody, and I pantsed him. Well this guy cried like I’ve never seen. And little Stevie’s just standing there with diarrhoea coming out of his pants.”

“And then what happened,” you asked, feeling bad for Steve. 

“He knew if he stuck with me, he could run his mouth as much as he wanted. Nobody could touch him,” Bucky laughed. “It’s funny when you look back on it. Did you take steroids when you went through puberty, Stevie?”

You saw them funny side now, looking at them both. Steve was taller than Bucky by a good few inches, broader at the shoulders and had a wider chest. He was bigger than him now. 

“He still can’t fight for shit,” Bucky added.

“Can confirm. Can’t beat his way out of a paper bag. Even I can’t help him,” Natasha commented. 

“I don’t like hitting things,” Steve almost whined. 

“Unless it’s in the bedroom,” Natasha remarked. 

“What?”

“Peggy told me a few things. A few things you really really liked.”

“She did have a great ass for it,” Bucky reasoned. 

You zoned out again, to build a picture in your mind of what Natasha was getting at, with you in Peggy’s place, and this time in Steve’s office, just like all of those little covert visits you paid him at the start of the year. You were bent over his desk, underwear bundled around your ankles. And he was standing over you with his thick, tan belt in his hand. Or would he used his own, bare hands? Would you be draped over his thighs? The possibilities were endless. 

You bit your lip just imagining what he’d do to you, hoping that this side of him really did exist, wanting it to be true. 

Grunting. That’s what ripped you away from the painting inside your head. Your eyes quickly focused, homing into the scene in front of you. 

Somehow the debate over who was strongest had descended into an arm wrestling match between Steve and Bucky. They were hovering out of their chairs, elbows firmly placed on the table. Great veins in Bucky’s arm bulged as Steve grappled and fought to best his friend. Eyes closed, teeth clenched. Steve won. 

“Woo! It’s a good day to be a nerd,” he quipped, slicking back a stray strand of hair from his forehead. 

Natasha was completely straight faced, glaring at the men as they sat back down. “Pathetic,” she muttered, before turning her attention back to you, now wearing a smile. “So what do you get up to on weekends?”

“I just study, hang out with my roommate, Wanda, and her girlfriend, Carol. I can’t really do much else right now until I’m done with the semester.”

“You reckon you could take one weekend out?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

“I guess. Why?”

Part Five