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xiao-come-home · 1 year

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Genshin + HSR men as dads;

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✰ Characters:

↳ Genshin: Ayato, Itto, Alhaitham, Kaveh, Zhongli, Xiao.

↳ HSR: Blade, Jing Yuan, Luocha.

✰ Words: 3,5k.

✰ SFW ; afab!reader, because pregnancy mentions. fluff.

Warnings: established relationship, the characters are reader's husbands, mentions of pregnancy, babies, ayato always ends up kinda horknee????? slight spoilers about blades past, not beta read THERES NO TIME FOR THAT

A/N: this is my first time writing for hsr and kaveh, but I tried my best </3 also I have work in 2h and I haven't slept yet. this is more important. pog also give me feedback if you like hsr pieces ;q;

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Ayato Kamisato:

he's such a girl AND boy dad you can't convince me otherwise. i just can't get that out of my head: imagine just chilling with your husband, you two enjoying some tea or coffee, while watching your children happily yell and play outside; ayato plays with your palm slightly, switching between rubbing it with his fingers and interlocking it, giving you occasional glances and tiny smiles.

ayato's definitely a strict parent, but wants his children to feel freedom - he does not force them to practice something they don't like, but teaches them necessary stuff they need to know if they are to be the future of the Kamisato clan.

he DEFINITELY had a boy first. and his son DEFINITELY looks like a perfect mixture of you two - he has ayato's eyes and hair type, but your hair color and smile.

your daughter, on the other hand, is exactly like ayato's copy, except with your personality - and he's extremely whipped for her. his little girl wanted to practice a new hairstyle with multiple pink hair clips? oh well, looks like he goes like this to his important meeting.

though, your son is just as mischievous as his father, if not worse - has probably trolled Itto more than once by the shy age of just three. he's also definitely interested in ayato and ayaka's battle styles, like hello??? HOW DO YOU JUST DISAPPEAR LIKE THAT??? AND TURN INTO SNOW??????

even though some fights between his children happen, as it's a thing you can't avoid - the big brother is very protective of his little sister and would do anything to make her happy! even if it means princess tea time. it reminds ayato of his, though not as fortunate, childhood memories with ayaka before she grew up to be the strongest woman and best auntie we know.

ayato probably teases you about wanting a third one, so they look like you this time. "say, darling, how about we get another little one?" feeling his smile, ayato whispers into your ear, "think about it, love," he wraps his arms around your waist from behind, "you just look so perfect I can't resist you."

Arataki Itto:

i do nOT care, his child is just as hyper as him. they're his absolute best buddy, partners in crime, you name it. but there's a plot twist - thank god your child thinks more often than their father AND stops him sometimes.

listen. absolute boy dad. his son is his pride and joy,he bragged so much about his boy to the point that Raiden Shogun herself heard about him.

so, remember itto being severely allergic to beans as an oni? his son absolutely loves beans and could eat them with no side effects. but itto being itto, prepares him meals with beans and takes it as a challenge. he just might cry, or throw up at worst. but hey, everything for his little sunshine.

^^your son absolutely cheers when he's making him dinner and suffering like?? "go dad! you're so awesome!" "yummy!" and itto's screaming back with tears dripping down his cheeks, "yes, YES!! THE BEST COOK OF INAZUMA, ARATAKI ITTO!"

itto prides himself in creating the most perfect small person to ever exist. your son inherited itto's golden heart and your brains (thank god). he's truly a ball of sunshine, and possibly the happiest and polite boy in Inazuma. with a pair of red horns just like his dad, red streaks in his hair and markings, itto's pupils and your eye color.

hear me out: total best pals with ayato's son. they love playing board games and battle onikabuto with each other, and much to itto's delight, his son is usually the winner, but the boys always politely thank each other for the game and move on.

your son is actually such a smooth talker to ayato's daughter to the point that he considers giving them a blessing and suffering being in-laws with itto.

he's also (great)grandma oni's favorite child now... he loves baking, cooking and sewing with her, and showing her his favorite onikabuto that you and itto let him keep as a pet!

itto's actually VERY down to have a few more kiddos if your pregnancy went well. he'd love a little girl to spoil his long hair, or maybe two. and two more sons so he wouldn't be lonely..

that time itto caught ushi sound asleep with his ball of sunshine next to him was the day he'll never forget. with tears in his eyes, he covered them in a warm blanket and let them snooze for a little more before bedtime.

Alhaitham:

literally no one, not even one soul knew that alhaitham has a child until they saw him walking a three-year-old. and the said child is probably the most behaved child that has ever been born.

seriously, your son is probably the smartest child ever. alhaitham, despite some worries, did and still does very well as a father - he began teaching him to talk earlier, he also seemed to have taken a liking to some instruments when he got older. the scribe's little one also enjoys it when his dad reads with him! be it alhaitham's books or fantasy ones, they have a special routine just for reading.

your son absolutely looks up to his father. when he sees him drafting some documents, his eyes shine with curiosity and adoration. alhaitham, can't help but smile slightly when he isn't looking.

nahida promoted alhaitham as the Acting Grand Sage. he promoted her as his babysitter.

^^but in a more serious tone, I genuinely think Nahida would be somewhat interested in your child - not in a negative light in any way, but.. it does make her wonder how a small child could be so smart. though his son has a long way to go and grow up, each year he manages to surprise her.

when his son is too bothered by the attention of other people, alhaitham gives him his noise-canceling headphones; they're a bit too big on him, but he appreciates it anyway.

alhaitham makes sure your son remembers his late grandmother, despite having not met her. even if the scribe does not consider himself a very emotional person, he wants the memory of her to live on.

he encourages his child to make his own decisions, too - just like he had that choice as well; if his son wants to break the ice and become more outgoing - alhaitham will not stand in his way. he wants him to grow up as the person he truly wants to be.

he definitely explained some god-tier science to his toddler son while holding him in his arms, receiving only some confusing "blah blag bwwwug" in return, watching him bite his tiny hand in happiness. he continued.

if there's something that alhaitham shares with his son, it's his love for naps. sometimes you all sleep together, and when it's time to wake up - both of them whine and your son snuggles up to his dad, to which your husband responds by getting his arm over the little one and giving you a small chuckle with one eye open, shortly before falling back asleep.

kaveh is your child's godfather. no, it wasn't his choice.

after a bit of hesitation and a lot of thoughts, he wouldn't mind to have another one; genders don't matter to him by any means, but I see him with yet another son :)

Kaveh:

kaveh and his twins could rival itto and his son's enthusiasm - it's what kaveh wants his kids to always remember - he wants them to enjoy every single bit of life, even if it's something simple.

the famous architect has decided to work hard to provide for you and the baby when you told him about the pregnancy- or, rather, about his future children; some of his work truly shone and got him quite a bit of attention, and therefore - a bunch of well-paid commissions.

kaveh has fought his empathy many times and tried not to overly spend money, which resulted in him being able to create and build your house that you share together; each of the twins has their own room, decorated according to their tastes.

your children have great emotional intelligence, just like your husband; if there's ever any conflict, they rather talk about it, than pout for hours, similar with you two. kaveh teaches them to always be honest, especially to themselves. they're also talented, but in different ways - your daughter seems to be fascinated by the role of the architect as well, but your son, regardless of what he's doing - he always makes sure it's perfect and polished as much as possible.

you cannot tell me this man doesn't do some kind of weekly family time - kaveh loves his family to the bone and would risk his life to protect you and your children with no hesitation. he's very involved in his children's lives and wants to be considered as their friend as well, not just a father; kaveh wants to know what they are interested in the moment, who they had their last beef with and who their crush is. he just really wants to gossip with them lol.

contrary to what a lot of people think, the twins and alhaitham's child(ren?) get along very well, and are aware they're just mirrors of each other. they can't however, understand how they managed to live together under one roof for so long... they never complain if they visit uncle alhaitham though, as he lets them search through his library so they can find out more about their interests.

in revenge, alhaitham is the godfather of the twins, just so you know.

Zhongli:

not only did he fall in love with you, but after hearing the cry of his little girl after she took her first-ever breath - zhongli fell in love once again.

he's so, so overprotective of his baby, regardless of her age. he's swooned by her - how tiny her fingers are compared to his when she finally grips them for the first time, how every month she looks even prettier than last one - he's always by her side, making sure she's the happiest she could possibly be.

since he has to sleep only once for a few days, he's willing to spend every second with her, especially after birth - zhongli also wants you to rest as much as you can, so you can both create memories together.

he most certainly takes her on a lot of walks with you when she gets older; not only around liyue harbor, but places dear to him and her only, if they discover one.

when your daughter grows up and begins to show interest in zhongli's hobbies, he smiles at her gently and sits her in his lap, only to start explaining it and feeding her curiosity; sometimes he has to stop himself for a moment to admire her twinkling eyes.

oh he DEFINITELY does her hair every morning. he's practiced on you before, having learned many new hairstyles to later on perform on your daughter; he carefully strokes her hazel hair with golden tips with a brush, feeling as he's almost watching his own in a mirror. sometimes, he adorns her hair with his own hairpin.

xiao was definitely the first person to know about your daughter. knowing that archon blood runs in her veins, he's less worried about being around her, therefore always more willing to spend time with her. both grow from this interaction - the little one knows how to protect herself (or to call uncle xiao when she's in trouble), and xiao understands small humans just a bit better.

zhongli's thrilled to know what her favorites are - no matter if it's tea, food or fabric, he has to know! perhaps they share the same favorites?

with the help of kamera, he's now able to immortalize the sight of you and your daughter. each birthday, he takes a picture and cherishes the young years of your baby, knowing they won't last long; erosion be damned, as long as he has the pictures - he'll always remember.

Xiao:

xiao was clueless. clueless and frightened. he wasn't supposed to have a child - with a mortal on top; albeit he tries to stay calm for your and baby's sake, he wants both of you to heal well.

it took quite a bit of time for xiao to fully embrace that he's a parent - and he adapted very well, having you by his side; the only worry that hasn't gone away is the thought of harming his daughter with his karmic debt.

but so far, the little one hasn't shown any signs of it, which makes xiao more than happy. she's yet another reason to warm his cold heart up, which he always compares to being engulfed by comfy scarf in the winter.

he automatically turns his head around whenever he hears her tiny little "tap taps" with her feet; not only does he find it adorable, but he knows she once again managed to lose her slippers and socks.

listen. she inherited the same diamond mark on her forehead - and he finally understands why you always insisted you liked kissing it for no reason.

he always. ALWAYS shares his almond tofu with his baby girl.. and she always makes a mess while eating it.. but it's worth it.

your daughter seemed to have taken a liking to watching finches from a distance; they always look for a nice spot in liyue plains, make a small picnic and feed the leftover bread to the birds. she finds them so adorable to the point that xiao was looking for a finch plushie for WEEKS. that made her good friends with qiqi, whom she tries to remember as "the finch friend."

Zhongli never says it out loud, but thinks of Xiao as his son. therefore, he finally earned a title of a grandpa (though unofficial). he's very proud to see Xiao stand up in a role of not only a protector of liyue, but the ones closest to him.

yes, your daughter actually calls morax himself, grandpa. (he doesn't correct her. ever)

imagine xiao with baby carrier. now you don't have to imagine it anymore.

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Blade:

don't even say he isn't a girl dad. HE IS.

he thinks he's a mere blade whose humanity has been lost hundreds of years ago - it's nothing more but a delusion in his mind. if that was the truth, why would he stay near his daughter's crib and watch her sleep peacefully, flinching when he saw her stir in her sleep?

she's absolutely not afraid of his cold, death stare, in fact - she looks at him back, waiting him to break first. just imagine a tiny baby eating a rice waffle, blade next to her and he just.. stares at her. but she stares at him back and eats the waffle like it's nothing.

your baby girl inherited blade's hair- or rather, yingxing's pearly white hair. he often pats her head gently and goes his hand through her hair, his eyes holding a tinge of bitterness and anger; not at her, however, but at the one he's after.

since blade spends most of his time on various missions with the stellaron hunters, he tries to make it up to your daughter by giving her gifts; hairpins, stickers (ekhem, silver wolf), coloring books, you name it. he slowly warms up to the idea of spending more quality time with her - after so many missions and the thought of his family waiting for him at home, his heart longs to see you again.

sometimes.. you can catch a faint smile on his lips when he plays with her. it's a sad smile - a smile yearning for it to happen back in simpler times, before getting reduced to a weapon, or perhaps in another lifetime.

he never admits it out loud, but he gets used to the new routine a bit too comfortably. before, when it was just you - in contrast to now, when he barely closes the front door and hears his daughter sprinting to him and clinging to his leg; he picks her up and feels her squishing her cheek against his while grinning. "welcome home, daddy!" are the first words he hears - and hopes to hear until it's his time to leave.

at times, blade becomes genuinely terrified - terrified of no longer craving death and wanting to stay. it sends him in so much emotional turmoil he starts to shake; how else do you process this? after so many years of attempting to look for that one thing that finally stops your breath, only to get swarmed by the thoughts of not wanting to leave your daughter behind? what if something happens to her and there's no one to help her?

there's a thing that I can't stop thinking about: I want to leave it up to you how you name your daughter, but I feel like blade would truly like the name Mari.

he lets her decorate him with stickers. it was silver wolf's idea.

Jing Yuan:

he was blessed with a daughter, as well. and then again. and then... again.

he absolutely adores his three little girls, hellO?!?!? but if you think about it, it makes sense - almost all of them took after his personality.

there is a mandatory nap for him and his girls that no one can disturb, unless the planet is on fire or someone got you mad. they all snore quietly while cuddling their dad, one of them on his chest, second on his stomach, and last one has her face somewhere next to his hair. makes you wonder how they got in these places, considering they started sleeping beneath a pink blanket decorated with lions.

speaking of lions, mimi claims your daughters as her cubs and does not let jing yuan take them away. she loves being pet and getting small kisses from them, there's no way she gives him that amount of attention back.

jing yuan loves your daughters to death and spoils them with absolutely EVERYTHING. new plushie? will be here in a few hours. a damned rock that's stupidly expensive, holds no value but one of them liked it? he'll take five. hell, he might even buy them a dog or another lion and hope for easy consequences from you.

he's slightly scared of how fast his oldest got so good at chess.

the girls get very upset when someone mentions they have no older brother - after all, how could they forget about yanqing?

there is a high chance of him losing one of them at home. they're walking, he turns around and.. suddenly the math doesn't add up..

if it's princess tea time, it is princess tea time. fu xuan either becomes a princess or comes back later.

even though they sometimes bring a lot of trouble, jing yuan always tells them to appreciate you - when it's mother's day, they all sit down and prepare a gift for you, same for your birthday; your special days will never go unnoticed.

probably wouldn't mind having another child, but is fully prepared for another girl lol.

Luocha:

he fathered a beautiful boy and girl a few years after. none of them were planned, but very welcome by both of you.

he's.. such a doting father. he always takes care of his children well, shows them affection - especially as small babies, he can't get over their chubby cheeks and peppers them with kisses, so he could hear them giggle.

in general, I think he just. can't get enough of them when they're toddlers or even younger. he loves holding them. he loves seeing his tiny babies get curious when he prepares medicine. he loves when they extend their hand to him for seemingly no reason, so he has an opportunity to give it a kiss. ARGH

he's thrilled to share his medical knowledge with his kids, if one shows interest in it!

luocha's definitely the one to style his babies' hair, I mean have you seen this man's gorgeous locks???? he's also the one to cut it if they don't like it long.

this isn't really about the children themselves, but.. he's just so grateful that you brought them into this world?? and he makes sure you know it every day, be it through actions or words. when you gave birth to your daughter, he held her in her hands and approached you from behind, leaning down and planting a chaste kiss on your cheek. "love, she's so wonderful, thank you for your hard work. I can't stop looking at her, and I wouldn't have that opportunity if I didn't meet you. I've never been more happy to meet such a person like you."

just like kaveh, he wants to be very involved in their lives. he always asks them about their day in school, if they made any friends. luocha also tries to be stern and has only one expectation as a father - he wants them to have a good, comfortable life, in which he'll assist in achieving as long as they need.

your son is very, very talkative with his dad and they could converse for hours. like for real. he's so smart, luocha is more than happy to broad his horizons, even in topics of lesser importance.

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sexhaver · 29 days

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What makes Jeweled Bird so bad?

first, some context: wayyyyy back in the stone ages when dinosaurs walked the earth and MTG first released, it was envisioned as less of a serious competitive card game people would explicitly try to minmax and more of a fun little diversion for your D&D group to play while you wait for Jared to get off his shift so you can actually start your campaign. this explains a lot of design choices that seem backasswards 30 years later. for instance, yes, Richard Garfield knew Black Lotus was unbelievably busted, but figured it was fine to print since it's not like people would do anything crazy like buy up hundreds of packs/hunt down singles on a secondary marketplace and play the game competitively for cash prizes.

one of the wackiest outcomes of this design philosophy was the concept of "playing for ante", an optional game mode/modifier where each player would begin the game by putting the top card of their library directly into "the ante", a pile of cards off to the side. whoever won the game won permanent, real-life ownership of all cards in the ante. basically "playing for keeps" but in a TCG instead of with Pogs or those weird tiny cardboard Beyblade tops that came in chip bags.

as you might guess from just reading that description, it was pretty wildly unpopular with most of the playerbase at the time and only got less popular as time went on. people didn't want to risk losing their cards, especially once the game became established and some of those cards were worth, like, actual amounts of money. and then there was the variance - it was entirely possible for you to ante up your only copy of an expensive card (meaning you were even less likely to win because now you can't draw it) while your opponent anted a basic land.

partially due to this, but mostly due to WOTC lawyers learning about the concept of "gambling laws" and WOTC PR learning about the optics of getting children into gambling, ante was officially removed from all sanctioned MTG tournaments very early into the game's lifespan (in fact i think this might have been enshrined into law before the actual first official tournament) and mostly memoryholed from the comprehensive rules, outside of section 407, which leads with this literal legal disclaimer:

there were 9 cards printed before this that explicitly reference "the ante" and do something unique to the cards in it. all of these cards have been errata'd to include the rules text "remove this card from your deck before playing if you're not playing for ante" and banned from LITERALLY ALL SANCTIONED FORMATS, including Vintage, the format whose entire appeal is "we never ban anything" (laughs in Lurrus).

okay so with the context out of the way we can start getting into why Jeweled Bird specifically is A Bad Card

first, the obvious: it's an ante card, which means you can't play it unless you're playing for ante, and if you ask anyone at your LGS to play for ante they will try to surreptitiously call the nearest retirement home to report an escapee from their memory care unit. so right off the bat it's quite literally unplayable as an MTG card (ante doesn't even work right in cube drafts, usually the last solace of jank-ass mechanics), which is not a great start.

now that we've established that ante cards are bad because they're effectively banned everywhere, let's assume we're living in some bizarro land where you've managed to convince a handful of friends to play in your personal MTG tournament bracket that allows ante. even then, all but one (don't worry we'll get to that one in a second) of the banned "ante cards" are just. unplayably bad. like absolute dogshit.

ok actually you know what i hadn't looked over all the ante cards in a while before typing up this post and now that i have i think Jeweled Bird is arguably the third or fourth best one out of the lot, and it's STILL unplayably bad in a modern context. it's effectively 1 colorless mana to draw a card, which is theoretically decent in some colors nowadays if you squint but would have actually been notably good back in its heyday. it actually gets pretty close to what WOTC was trying to go for with most of these ante card designs: you get a powerful effect (card draw for 1 colorless mana in an era when even blue had to jump through hoops for a rate that good outside of Ancestral Recall), but at the cost of adding something to the ante, but since the effect is so powerful, you should ideally be able to win the game off of it and completely negate the downside of adding your stuff to the ante.

you know what, fuck it, let's just go through the other ante cards from worst to best:

this card looks absolutely batshit until you get to the last sentence and realize it's effectively 6 mana to force your opponent to ante a card. if you spend 6 mana doing effectively nothing, you are not winning the game or that ante

this one is this low because in 99% of circumstances it's 10 mana over two turns to burn your opponent for 10. however, it takes the edge over Amulet of Quoz because 1. it just bypasses the ante zone entirely to literally steal the card directly, outcome of the game be damned 2. if your opponent has 9 or less life, they have to either let you steal their card or concede on the spot (which means they lose their ante) and 3. if i'm reading this ruling correctly you can set up the 9-or-less-life scenario with a TOKEN COPY of Bronze Tablet and give them a literal bar napkin with a doodle on it in exchange for their judge promo foil Elesh Norn:

so for 6 mana, you can heal yourself back to full at the cost of anteing an additional card. if that was all this card did, it would still be pretty bad, but the icing on this shitcake is that your opponent can just. also do that. but without spending their entire turn to cast a 6 mana spell. so now you're both on equal footing lifewise, but they have their entire turn to gain tempo advantage after you spent your turn healing them. and you gave them another one of your cards once you inevitably lose because of this. i guess theoretically you could run it in a super heavy control deck that aims to win via mill as a safety valve against aggro? idk man

this card effectively does nothing, but doing nothing for 3 mana is still an improvement over "doing nothing for 6 mana", "doing 10 damage for 10 mana over two turns", and "helping your opponent for 6 mana". i guess if you're really confident that your deck can win anyways (perhaps because of another card on this list) you could use this to force your opponent to ante another card for you to win? mostly this one is this high up here because "if the opponent doesn't concede the game immediately" is the funniest possible opening to a MTG card's rules text. like that's always true. you could add that to quite literally every card ever printed and it would change nothing other than making the game way funnier

okay so this is a three mana 1/1 with an ability that costs three MORE mana to activate that effectively just makes your opponent ante a card. i know it looks like it destroys and then literally steals an artifact, which would actually be a pretty good effect since it impacts the board (something none, but the entire thing is countered by anteing a card so that's what's gonna happen every time. at least this one can chump block

okay now we're starting to get into cards that at least make you think a little bit before deciding they suck (Jeweled Bird would go around here)

this scores higher than Timmerian Fiends for several reasons. obviously, a 4 mana 3/3 is a much better rate than a 3 mana 1/1, and the sac ability being free (other than a tap) makes it a lot more usable. the effect is even debateably good in red specifically: either it "draws" (literally legally steals irl) you a card, or it does 10 burn to the opponent's face. however, it does lose points due to the part where you, uh, have to give it away after using it once, win or lose. basically this is like Bronze Tablet but 6 mana cheaper and on a body that can actually theoretically do something. also lol at the "or conceding game" clause like Demonic Attorney, i really want to start seeing that wording on every card ever printed

now this might seem similar to Demonic Attorney at first glance, but the Oracle text makes it make more sense: "You own target card in the ante. Exchange that card with the top card of your library." notably, like Efreet and Tablet, this swap in ownership happens regardless of the outcome of the game, and unlike those two cards, you don't have to trade Darkpact itself for the card you're stealing. stealing your opponent's card out of the ante does mean that now both of the cards in there belong to you, meaning you have twice as much to lose, but hey, you just stole (and got to draw and cast, lol) your opponent's shit. "do what you must, i have already won" type beat

as powerful as Darkpact is, it's still only the second best ante card, and it is not even in the same zip code as the first best. ever heard of a little card named Ancestral Recall? draws 3 cards for one mana? and that's such a busted effect you're only allowed to legally run one copy in the one format it isn't explicitly banned in?

hahahahahahahahahaha holy shit sorry every time i remember this card i cackle at it a bit. what do you MEAN "discard your hand and draw 7 for 1 mana"?? discarding is an UPSIDE these days! people have unironically run One With Nothing, which is this card except for all the words after "discard your current hand". that "add the first drawn to the ante" bit might as well be flavor text because if you manage to lose after casting this then your deck was never even theoretically capable of winning in the first place. jesus christ.

#mtg

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rius-cave · 6 months

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I don't know if this has been said. But I'm thinking about Adam being bitter about Eden. Not because his wives were stolen- they left on their own accord and he doesn't want someone that can't be faithful to him after meeting ONE other guy. No, he's bitter because they got to leave, they got to be loved by Lucifer. He was the one that got left behind. So when people make "go 3 for 3" jokes to Lucifer, he can't help but be angry, because he WOULD have gone with Lucifer had the man offered. And when Lucifer does finally make a move, he just can't get his heart into it, it isn’t the same anymore. Ge's convinced that it's a proposition out of convenience, or to "complete the Eden set", not because Luci actually wants him.

OKAY. CONFESSION TIME.

I am actually KINDA TORN on the whole "3 for 3" joke.

On one hand, IT'S FUNNY AS FUCK and I think if the show ever even REMOTELY alluded to adamsapple, that's a joke that they'd use lmao.

HOWEVER IT ALSO MAKES ME INCREDIBLY SAD because it really does sound like Lucifer just wants to do Adam out of almost sheer obligation. I would even prefer if we said it's to get back at him, to teach him a lesson, to show him who's boss, to hatefuck him idk, literally any other reason than just "it's the last item on my checklist lolz" because if they hatefuck, THAT at least shows some EMOTION about Adam. If it's a list it's kinda like Lucifer has no feelings about Adam (negative or positive) so that's not very pog.

This isn't to say I don't want people to make that joke, I myself make that joke and I think it's funny, it's just one of those things that if I think about too much I just end up going :/ yknow?

I rambled a lot. Sorry. Absolutely yes to Adam being pissed about him being abandoned more than anything.

#hazbin hotel #adamsapple #ask

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localplaguenurse · 8 months

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Playing a game with Pantalone but everytime one of you loses you have to remove one article of clothing and suffice to say you lost all your clothes rather quickly and now he's smirking on how shall he indulge in you this time

I thought this was a predator/prey situation at first, which would have been pretty pog, but then I remembered the dumb strip poker joke I made the other day and realized that’s probably what you were talking about-

So that’s what I’m gonna write

CONTENT WARNING: Playing strip poker, no full blown smut but still suggestive. I might circle back to this in the future because I have ideas, but I’m not in a super smutty mood. Honestly it’s more silly than anything, but 18+ please. Also I have only played the Luigi poker minigame so shhh.

You hate this game, you don’t know why you keep agreeing to play it, and you hate that it was all your idea to begin with. It sounded like a fun way for you and your husband to spice things up a little, and in general seemed like a fun way to bond. Sure, you figured he’d win the first few times you played, but you weren’t complaining at the time. Surely, he wouldn’t win every time, right?

… Right?

You glare at your hand because you don’t want to glare at Pantalone. It’ll mean you have to look at his stupid smug grin over his winning streak. You see it every time he suggests you two play a few rounds of strip poker. Tonight is no different, and though you love his face so much, you cannot stand looking at him right now.

You don’t question if you’re losing because you have terrible luck or if you’re just bad at poker anyways. You know it’s both. It also can’t help that your husband is very good at taking chances and placing bets. He never makes a decision until he’s certain of the outcome and that it will work in his favour. You find this trait very admirable, except for right now.

“Darling, are you alright?” Pantalone asks, faux concern lacing his words. “You’re shivering a little.”

You’re currently hugging a pillow to your bare chest, both to give yourself some dignity, and because you’re nearly nude. “I’m fine.”

He chuckles. “Well, if that’s the case, have you decided what your next move is?”

“I-I’m still thinking,” you grumble, body cold but face burning hot. Truth be told, your hand is shit. The only thing you have going for you are two fives, and that’s it. That may as well be nothing with how your game has been going. Pantalone’s only lost the shirt, and you’re pretty sure it’s because he felt bad for you and threw that round. You don’t know what’s worse, him pitying you, or that he still decimated you.

You take two cards out of your hand and discard them, leaving only the two fives and an ace. You’re already certain you’re losing the round anyways, so you might as well see if you can get another ace, or maybe a five. Just something to make your hand better than being just above trash.

“Interesting…”

“Shush.”

You pick up two new cards and place them in your deck. Let’s see, you had a five of hearts, five of diamonds, and an ace of spades. You’ve picked up–

No way.

You blink, trying not to let your shock show (your poker face isn’t that great, either). Those two new cards consist of an ace of diamonds, and a five of clubs. Holy shit. Holy shit. That’s a full house! The only way Pantalone can beat that is if he gets 4 of a kind, a straight flush or a royal flush. You actually have a chance! Not a chance of winning the game, Archons no, but you’ll be keeping your underwear on for a round longer.

You smile, and present your hand. “Full house.”

Pantalone’s eyebrows widen, and he smiles. “Oh, goodness! Look at you! You’re starting to get the hang of this now. That is very impressive, my darling.”

You cross your arms, giving him the smug grin he’s been giving you all evening.

He sighs. “That… makes this all the more painful, I’m afraid.”

You watch as Pantalone lays his cards down in front of you. Your eyes widen, and your jaw drops.

“... Absolutely not.”

“I’m afraid so.”

“Are you kidding me!?” you ask. “A royal flush?! No, no I refuse… You did not just get that!”

“I assure you, darling,” he purrs, “I got it fair and square.”

You glare at him and his cards. An ace, a queen, a king, a jack, and a ten of hearts. Of course it has to be hearts, too.

“Now then, I think you know the rules.”

“Fine, fine, you win.” You move the pillow from your chest and toss it at his head. It makes contact, which makes him laugh. “I know the drill.”

“My my, you make it sound like such a horrible fate,” he teases. “Sure, I may have won again, but I think we both know this will be… equally rewarding for us, no?”

You roll your eyes. “Easy for you to say, champion strip poker king…”

“Oh, my little darling,” he coos in such a patronizingly sweet voice, “where’s the fun in being such a spoilsport? Don’t you enjoy playing with me?”

“I do, but it’s just frustrating that you’ve won every game we play.”

Pantalone laughs. “Then I suppose you’ll have to get good, as people say. Now, about my prize...”

#ask #sheepy!#pantalone #pantalone smut #pantalone x reader #idk if i need the pantalone smut tag but may as well get my bases covered

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shuchu · 2 years

Note

imagine saying you're gonna participate in no nut november and the boys get absolutely devastated i think that'd be so funny

bonus if you avoid their advances and leave them all needy and begging for ur attention ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡ heavy on shoto since he tweeted he was gonna fail it as soon as it started 😭😭 he would be inconsolable if u said u were gonna participate hes a very needy boy (*'▽'*) -🌸

nsfw, minors dni ; gn!reader

omg- i will literally kiss your brain, all these ideas tskr

i'm sorry if anything doesn't make sense, i'm falling asleep as i type this ＞▽＜

here are some headcanons lovelies, enjoy ♡

ꨄ VOX AKUMA

“alright bet.”

after 2 days, he comes to you pouting, “babe, i can’t. i’m so fucking horny.”

you smirk at him and say, “use your hand then.”

“please baby, i need you.” he whines, “besides, it’s just a silly little challenge the internet came up with, you don’t need to participate in it.”

“i like it when you beg, beg for it a little more and maybe i’ll consider it.” you giggle

vox leans in and starts kissing your neck, his hand rubbing your thigh

“come on darling. please? pretty please?”

eventually you give in and mans was so pent up, he kept you up the whole night

ꨄ MYSTA RIAS

“no way you’re actually gonna not cum for a month.”

you look at him and say, “i’m dead serious mysta. imma do it.”

“but babe...what if i get horny?”

“well, you’re just going to have to use your hand or your tenga egg.” you chuckle

a week goes by and you’re surprised mysta hasn’t come to bother you about being horny until you see him sulking on the couch

you sit beside him, giving him a kiss on the cheek, “what’s wrong babe?”

“i haven’t felt your mouth or your hand or your hole around my dick for a week. my hand and tenga egg feels nowhere as good as you.”

you giggle and all of a sudden your breath is knocked out of you when mysta grabs your wrists and pins you down to the couch

mysta kisses you and one of his hand reaches down to rub you through your shorts

you end up letting him have his way with you

mysta would fuck you like an animal in heat because of how pent up he is

ꨄ LUCA KANESHIRO

when you tell luca you’re participating he goes, “oh okay! pog!”

but after a few days he realises it isn’t so pog after all when he sees you swaying those hips while you’re cooking in the kitchen and seeing that ass that he loves so much being shoved in his face when you’re wiping down the kitchen counters

he gets such a raging hard on and he excuses himself to go relieve himself

after you’re done with what you were doing you walk into the bedroom to see luca thrusting his hips into his hand and moaning your name

you sit on the side of the bed and luca looks at you while still jerking himself off, “babe. i- i can’t do it. i need you. i need to feel you. please.”

you rest your hand on his chest and smirk, “keep going.”

he does as you asked and you start rubbing his chest up and down, brushing against his nipples occasionally, making him jolt and his dick twitch

after edging him for a few minutes, you finally lower yourself down onto him

he would tear up from how good it feels to finally have your walls wrapped around him

it isn't long before he cums and he'd ask you if you're good to go one more round because he's so pent up

ꨄ IKE EVELAND

i feel like ike wouldn't really mind tbh so when you tell him he'd go, "oh...okay!"

in my mind, the only scenario would be that ike just feels an overwhelming amount of love for you and the both of you start making out

things heat up after the both of you make out and he would want to make love to you but he would remember that you wanna participate in nnn and he would have to reluctantly cockblock

but i think at that point you'd just say, "screw it." and just continue with what y'all were doing

ꨄ SHU YAMINO

i feel like with shu you'd have to go into this with the intention of teasing him to the point where he can't resist the urge anymore

but let's be real, shu probably wouldn't be the type to beg

if anything, you'd give up on nnn and plead him to fuck you at which he'd smirk and say, "oh? given up already?" (i'm screaming-)

ꨄ SHXTOU

he would visibly deflate when you tell him you're participating in nnn

"but babeeee..." shoto whines and you just giggle walking out of the bedroom

whenever shoto would try to turn you on, praising you and telling you all the things he would do to you if you give up on nnn

you just laugh and say, "good try my love."

he wouldn't stop trying and at this point he's desperate

he flops on the bed and goes, "i feel like i'm dying. we haven't been intimate in a week babe! a week!"

"drama queen much? it's only been a week babe." you giggle at his antics

but of course, eventually you give in and shoto literally lights up

he starts leaving kisses all over your face and down your neck, getting straight to work

#hana replies ♡#🌸 anon ♡#vox akuma #vox akuma x reader #mysta rias #mysta rias x reader #luca kaneshiro #luca kaneshiro x reader #ike eveland #ike eveland x reader #shu yamino #shu yamino x reader #luxiem #luxiem x reader #shxtou #shxtou x reader

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fate-motif · 3 months

Text

alright, i have a wishlist for prodigy s3. which is going to happen. i speak it into existence. cool, now that that’s established:

what is dal hearing about augments as an augment don’t nitpick taxonomy don’t nitpick taxonomy within the federation? has he heard that they become tyrants? that they’re power-hungry arrogant bastards? that their existence is a threat for diversity of people of all bodies and minds? what’s he picking up on? what’s affecting him and what’s not affecting him? food for thought.

jankom pog development. i am no longer asking. we have a tellarite main character, we need to talk about how he’s been displaced 400 years in time from his people and tellarite society may be alien to him, which is an excellent vantage point to talk about tellarites like we’re new to them! which we kind of are! so make it count!

i understand this is a show for children in which everyone gets carte blanche from disbelief despite their age because children like to see themselves doing adventures, not adults. but also let’s talk about rok trying to avoid gifted kid burnout. it would actually really be a nice topic to tackle if you got kids at home who burn themselves out thinking their worth is tied to their accomplishments.

i want to see conflict between maj’el and the kids who grew up as slaves. maj’el is very put together but i am sure there would be blind spots as someone who grew up in post-scarcity utopia and might be more removed from the struggles of planets who don’t have coexistence and communication figured out yet. you know, make it juicy, ds9 style!

i demand the return of pogdal because i think they’re an incredible comedic duo and the crumbs we got of their dynamic from s2 wasn’t enough to satisfy me. i miss it when they were two dumb teenagers trying to brute force the kobiyashi mary. funniest character combo in the cast imo.

#star trek #pro #star trek prodigy #dal r’el #gwyndala of solum #ensign maj’el #rok tahk #jankom pog #ensign zero #medusan zero #fugitive zero #murf #prodigy spoilers #pro s2 spoilers #fandom

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froggibus · 2 years

Text

Taking Care Of You While Sick - Obey Me!

Includes: Lucifer, Mammon, Levi, Satan, Asmo, Beel & Belphie

Genre: hurt/comfort + fluff!

Summary: you get sick, and your favorite demon knows (or tries his best) just how to take care of you

CW: sick! Reader, fever, lots of medicine, satan being Satan, wholesome Beel

wow i wonder what could have possibly inspired me to write this one….weird. anyway I am still sick but thats okay cause i got to sleep 20 hours one day and watch all the marvel movies so pog. anyway enjoy <3

————

Lucifer

doesn’t know much about human illnesses but knows when you’re getting sick

makes you get lots of bed rest

will have medicine and fresh water for you around the clock

offers to do his paperwork in your room to keep you company

you don’t really notice either way cause you’re asleep mostly

he does anyway tho cause he’s worried and wants to keep an eye on you

corrects your temperature in your sleep too

shivering? adds another blanket

sweating? pulls the covers back and puts a cold cloth on your forehead

“luc did you…swaddle me?”

“you were cold”

even after you get better he’s extra adamant about you taking vitamins

Mammon

thinks you’re dying at first

notices you’re much warmer than usual and actually thinks you’re going to light on fire

panics and thinks lucifer is gonna kill him

you have to explain that you’re not actually dying but that you’re sick

probably has no idea what to do to help you

just does what he likes when he’s sick

brings you lots of fluids (especially juice)

and soup

expect lots of soup/ramen

is with you 24/7

“you’re MY responsibility so I gotta keep an eye on you”

probably forgets to take care of himself in the process

so you make him drink your water/eat your soup/sleep

definitely sleeps with you with the excuse of ‘watching out for you’

Levi

its just like in that anime he watched

except he really hopes you’re not dying like the MC in the anime was

just does exactly what they did in the anime (but with a lot more blushing and stuttering)

probably thinks you’d rather lucifer or mammon take care of you

you try to comfort him but you’re so tired that it just comes out as a bunch of mumbles

definitely has to give himself a peptalk (or five)

“y/n is really sick rn, this isn’t about you, ok?”

will feed you medicine if you’re not strong enough to do it yourself

you’re surprised at how well he’s handling things

“ok y/n im gonna head back to my room but if you need anything tonight just text me ok?”

“levi can you stay with me”

thinks he’s misheard you at first

malfunctions for a really long time

you’re already falling asleep by the time he decides to climb in bed with you

Satan

has been waiting for this moment since you arrived

literally read so many books about human illness and immune systems

figured it was only a matter of time until you got sick

is ready with juice and water and medicine

literally has everything you could possibly need

checks your temperature VERY delicately

“fuck y/n you’re burning up”

gets you a cold cloth for your forehead

even tho he knows everything he still is really nervous

checks on you like every five minutes (if he even leaves your room)

would make himself a bed on your floor so that if you need him in the night he’s there

somehow you convince him to come lay with you

even tho you’re a million degrees

he’ll stay with you all night just to make sure you’re okay

would definitely try and hunt down whoever infected you

Asmo

can tell you’re sick just by how clammy and washed out you look

but he won’t say anything

probably makes you one of his ultra healthy super food smoothies

even if it tastes gross he makes sure you drink it

would probably spoon feed you food too

insists you get lots of rest

and when you can’t sleep he’s there to keep you company

keeps up with your hygiene too

will brush your hair/tie it up so that it doesn’t get tangled while you sleep

gets a cloth to wipe down your face and applies lotion and chapstick

probably wouldn’t sleep with you cause he doesn’t want to get sick (even tho demons don’t share the same sicknesses with humans)

but will stay in a phone call with you from his room all night and if you need anything he’s there in a heartbeat

more medicine?

he’s there

but he’s so tired don’t expect him to return to his room after

Beel

doesn’t know whats going on at first but makes an educated guess

asks what you need instead of assuming

makes you lots of snacks + drinks

i feel like he would hide your medicine in food like they do for dogs??

idk it seems up his alley

also helps you with any tasks you may possibly need with

homework? he’s on it (just don’t tell Lucifer)

need to wash your hair but you’re too weak? all you gotta do is lean your head over the bathtub

he’ll take really good care of you

would probably baby you a little tho

like cut up your food into really small portions

and give you juice out of a sippy cup

“beel where did you even find that?”

“i-uhh—“

definitely watches movies with you until you fall asleep and stays to make sure you don’t need anything

Belphie

probably knew you were sick before anyone else

tries to ignore it cause he totally doesn’t care

but your skin is hot!!

and you’re sweating a lot

and your voice sounds…different?

eventually he has to give in and admit he’s worried about you

and since no one else is around he takes care of you

brings you water and medicine and offers to let you sleep in his bed

“just so I can wash your sheets! you’ll feel so much better in clean ones…”

even lets you sleep on his pillow

probably watches you sleep to make sure you’re still alive

but can’t help and admire how peaceful you look

pushes you to drink fluids and sleep LOTS

and if you refuse to sleep?

well he’ll just have to make you sleep

masterlist

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stealingpotatoes · 1 year

Note

Skywalkers apart au! It's so precious that Anakin gets to be a dad, a rebellion general Dad but he gets to be there for at least one of them and Padme survives and gets to be a mom and maybe someday they get to meet and it's so good.

Also the concept of General Skywalker of the Rebellion feels like it has so much potential cause he was such a big figure in the Clone Wars, he was the Hero, the General, he could probably get the various splinter rebel cells (they were very divided in the early Rebellion) to follow him by sheer reputation and charisma. Imagine Anakin being at Hoth, like the attack is going along the usual Imperial imminent victory and suddenly an AT-AT has been thrown clear across the landscape and an announcement sounds out "General Skywalker has entered the field" cue Rebel Counterattack due to morale boost and Imperial Panic.

What happened to the 501st here? Did he go to the Venator's crash site where Ahsoka was during Order 66 what did he think when he saw all the dead folks?

Fun thought, Starkiller being the apprentice in this AU, means that Sidious has probably been comparing him to Anakin (in part because he's bitter he didn't fall, in other part cause it's great for fueling the darkside) for years so the first time they face off he's gonna be full of spiteful hatred (all going according to plan) before Starkiller gets styled on by the Skywalker, cause Anakin isn't crippled by the suit and that means he's still massively powerful in the force and skilled in the blade (Vader was too, but less than a whole Anakin), I could see Anakin pulling a Lightside version of the Rogue One Hallway scene against Stormtroopers (or even inquisitors).

Rebel General Anakin Skywalker would be an Imperial Boogeyman.

Leia would probably appreciate it for a while but also she'd get a bit annoyed about her dad's reputation and "Legend" and the fact that she's probably got that entire thing to measure up to, making her more reckless or foolhardy. That's a big shadow to live under.

Padme on the other hand is probably in a very different situation reputation wise, she was the senator for the new Emperor's home planet, she's the old queen of naboo from the Trade Federation attack, she's a founding member of one of the oldest discrete rebellion cells but that still leaves some stigma. She's probably so very worried about Imperial surveilance on her or Luke or the rest of her family, and it doesn't help that the Inquistorious has probably been sniffing around for a while.

ok this is a veeeeery long ask so i'm gonna have a veeeery long answer which is gonna go under this readmore:

YES!! yes absolutely! tbh i decided a while back he never gets an official promotion to general, everyone just calls him General Skywalker for so long that it sticks loll. BUT YEAH I mean working with a Jedi is rare and awe-inspiring enough for any rebellion cell but working with the hero with no fear??? half the rebels are wondering if they can interrupt this mission to ask for his autograph

its extra funny bc for the first few years of the empire he's lowkey depressed and like agh i failed the order republic AND my family i'm a terrible horrible no good jedi who nearly turned to the dark side and while he's having this spiral there's some rebel standing next to him pointing and pogging

and yeah he's SO useful in big battles like that!! he's half a legend, half a ghost story, given most ppl think he died in the Purge but here he is, enacting justice on the empire!! tho he does struggle on quieter missions (which happen a lot more at first bc gotta hide from the empire) that you cant just blaze into. its a difficult shift to go from clone wars general skywalker to rebel general skywalker

yeah 501st same as canon ): but OHHH MY GOD yes thats SUCH A PERFECT IDEA, Anakin going with Rex and Ahsoka to the site and mourning them all (and probably going into another depression spiral lbr)

youre so right lollll obvs leia loves the one up she has in an argument of "well my dad's general skywalker, beat that" but as u say she absolutely wants to live up to that (+ is a very independent/stubborn person and would like Leia Skywalker, not just "General Skywalker's daughter" lol)

AND YEAH ABSOLUTELY Padmé and Anakin's roles in this au are both so interesting (is that egotistical to say) bc they're these upside down versions of their clone wars roles, both very loud people forced to quieten down and be Discreet about how they go abt helping ppl. Padmé is really struggling hiding so much (luke's force sensitivity, her rebel activities, all relations to anakin) and trying to protect Luke while helping the Rebellion WHILE trying not to seem suspicious. a lot on her plate -- only made worse by palpatine keeping a close-ish eye on her, and she can't tell why (is it bc of luke? the rebellion? anakin? or is it just his old favouritism or patriotism being VERY inconvenient??)

on the inquisitors, obvs you don't see a lot of them on coruscant -- but padmé's SO scared abt ppl (MAINLY SIDIOUS WHO, YA KNOW, TRIED TO TURN LUKE'S DAD SITH) finding out abt him and she hates that she's making him repress this part of himself but what choice does she have???

#long post #skywalkers apart au #love au talk!!! thank u for so much of it!!#thanks for the ask!

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anarchy-and-piglins · 1 year

Text

Technoblade had his guard up the moment they stepped foot on Unseelie territory.

The rumors he had grown up with rang true. As a fae himself, Techno could tell a difference in the magic that ran through these woods. Any creature encountered here could not be trusted.

And that was kind of a problem considering he was pretty much traveling blindly. All they had given him was a vague set of directions and his precious cargo that Techno had to get there. No pointers on how to get across Unseelie land untouched. The guards he had brought with him were capable and Techno wasn't humble about his own skills in a fight. The issue wasn't a threat to their physical safety. But he didn't want to cause an all-out war if he provoked any hostility.

The last time the two courts had a serious conflict, too many lives were lost. As the leader of this envoy, it was Techno’s responsibility to prevent that from happening again.

It hadn't been long before he heard something up ahead. It sounded like a lute being played, and the humming of a tune that ran underneath. They continued down the road, until Techno spotted him. A young fae around his age was sitting on a branch that curved over the path. His feet dangled off as he played his instrument.

But Techno wasn’t fooled. He had expected they’d be keeping an eye on the road.

The Unseelie knew about his mission. And they’d do anything to get their hands on something so precious.

Raising a hand to signal his men to stay back, Techno stepped forward. As much as he loathed the intricacies of diplomacy, Techno knew his way around words very well. He’d rather do the talking himself than risk one of the guards misspeaking and getting them into trouble.

“Hullo,” he greeted the man politely enough.

The other fae looked down at him with vivid brown eyes, mouth pulling up into a wicked grin.

“Oh, what’s this? Lost wanderers?” He dropped himself down from the tree to land nimbly on his feet, brown curls bouncing. “Can I have your name? I don’t like talking to strangers.”

“You may know my name,” Techno said, trying not to grin at a slight twitch of the man’s brow in annoyance. Did they really think he’d be that stupid? “It’s Technoblade.”

“I suppose you may know mine too then. Wilbur.” Techno ignored his outstretched hand.

“I need to get to the other side of these woods,” he explained. “You wouldn’t be so chill as to grant us safe passage for free, would you? That’d be pretty pog.”

This time it was Wilbur’s turn to chuckle. With the Unseelie, nothing came without a price.

“Depends on where you need to go. Can I have your map?” Wilbur asked.

“No,” Techno said while handing it to him. “But you can look at it.”

Wilbur unfurled it with a light laugh. “I’m not going to steal your shit.”

“I’ve heard your sort is quite prone to doing that.”

“Nah, we only take what’s interesting to us.” With that, Wilbur’s eyes briefly flicked towards where Techno’s guards were waiting, the paladin with his cargo.

“Safe passage,” Techno reminded him.

“Right, right.” Wilbur bunched the map up into a messy ball and shoved it back at him, starting to walk ahead and gesturing for them to follow. “My family can take you. I’ll bring you to them. And I guarantee no harm will come to you or your shipment.”

“Liar.”

Wilbur froze. The expression on his face was comically confused.

“Fae can’t lie,” he said slowly, almost as if he was testing the water.

“Seelie can’t lie,” Techno corrected - ironically also because Wilbur was right. Seelie couldn’t lie.

Unseelie, on the other hand.

“How did you know I was lying?” Wilbur asked.

Again, Techno found himself unable to speak anything but the truth.

“It’s a talent I’ve had since birth. No clue where it comes from, I can just tell when I’m being lied to.” It was no wonder Techno had been chosen for this mission.

“Interesting,” Wilbur muttered. And when Techno looked at him, Wilbur was staring right back at him, golden-brown eyes even more ablaze with an uncomfortable sort of fascination. “You’re… that’s very interesting.”

Techno shifted on the spot, trying not to instinctively reach for his sword. “Your family?”

“Yes!” Wilbur snapped out of it suddenly, blinking a few times. But he never really looked away from Techno again, his smile that much more unsettling. “Right this way, they’ll be thrilled to meet you. We so rarely get visitors here, I think they’ll really enjoy having you stay.”

And oddly enough, Techno could tell that those words were not a lie.

#dark sbi #technoblade #shara writes

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