#I think the past like 8 months or more I've been so focused on trying to complete longer things (tired of them looming over me as

[sibillascribbles08]

Man I've written 26 fics for rise, that's insane, anyway here's a master post, sort of? I realized some people either A) may not know how many different fics I've written or B) not realized "oh he wrote that" sooo

One Shots

Don't You Care? – Donnie and Leo centric, post-movie. Donnie isn't always great with feelings, and when he fails to understand Leo's, he tries to find a way to fix it. Doing so forces him to unpack some of his own thoughts on their victory over the kraang as well.

To Bridge a Canyon of your Own Design – Splinter centric, post-movie, a bit of a retrospective on his relationship with his sons, his depression, and him trying to move away from his unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I Didn't Vote for You – Leo's the leader now, and Donnie always finds ways to argue with him about it. Leo wants to find out why Donnie has such a problem with how he's trying to lead the team, but it turns out that isn't the problem. It's simply the fact that Leo's the leader at all.

I'd Give Anything – Donnie-centric. A slightly alternate take on the movie's ending where instead of just firing a drill into the portal, Donnie jumped in, and ends up losing an arm in the process. But he has to kind of piece all of that together as he recovers in the med bay, talking to each of his family members.

Grappling With Things Beyond Your Control – Gift fic for my friend Bat! Donnie-centric, post season 2. Suddenly getting ninpo with no prior training causes Donnie's powers to start to run amok, and on top of that he has to help his family not only find a new home but move into one. It's a lot to balance, maybe too much to balance.

Four Turtles in your Corner (Store) – A silly fic about April being out of supplies for her period, and in desperation sends the boys to go get her some. I'm sure four reptilian mutants have competent knowledge on what humans need for things like this.

Now Lie In It – Big Bang fic! Takes place during season 2. Leo won't sleep, and ends up getting on Donnie's nerves. The softshell's solution to the problem is a simple sleep potion, but when he pours too much into Leo's tea his brother won't wake up. Time to force April and Draxum to go find an antidote while he hides his mistake from the rest of his family. (it sounds angsty but it's comedic, actually)

What Will You Leave Behind – Big Bang fic! Doomed timeline, Raph centric. Raph is the first of his siblings to die during the war. And while he does everything he can to be their ever present pillar as they eventually follow after, he can't help but loathe the fact that the ones still down there are suffering and he can't do anything to help.

My Words Died With You – Gift fic for Bat! Doomed timeline, Donnie centric. Donnie quit speaking when Raphael died, months later he still isn't. His family tries to help him cope with this, even Raphael does from the afterlife, but it may not be enough.

VHHB series

(These are all post-movie)

My Roommate the Troubled Time Traveler – Casey and Draxum centric. Casey Jones Jr. isn't coping too great with being in the present, and trying to live in the lair isn't helping. So Mikey has the GREAT idea to convince Draxum to let Casey be his roommate. The alchemist thinks this is a terrible idea, but he might be able to help the kid far more than he realizes.

Violet Hues and Holly Blue – Donnie centric. 8 months after the kraang invasion and Donnie's been the reigning champ in the Battle Nexus for a while, in his attempts to improve his mystic abilities. But this draws the attention of a business focused wasp named Holly Blue who offers to help sell his tech designs in the Hidden City. Donnie ends up agreeing, having to keep that secret from his family too, but eventually they're going to find out. (This is only a partial summary haha sorry, fic is heckin long)

Missing Pages – Just some VHHB extras, but hey it features Big Mama being herself, Lou Jitsu maiming some people, Donnie dealing with past blood on his hands and uuuuh Leo and Holly becoming friends (what a mood whiplash)

You Are Loved – Two-shot fic about the Caseys (of the Senior and Junior variety). Casey Jr. wants to know why his ninpo sprung up so suddenly, and in his search to find out discovers his family is much closer than he realizes. Meanwhile Cassandra is struggling with her place among the Hamatos, it doesn't help when she finds out they're keeping a pretty big secret from her. Hopefully they can make it up to her.

The Sun and Icarus – Mikey-centric. He's been doing pretty good at developing his mystic abilities lately, but now they're starting to explode, pretty violently. And it turns out if this keeps up the whole ordeal could just kill him. Better find a way to put a cap on it, or something to that effect. (Wow more power overloading fics from ME)

Girls' Night – April centric one shot, also April/Sunita. She's just trying to have a fun night out with the girls, inviting Holly Blue along for the ride, but maybe that was a mistake because in her attempts to playfully tease the wasp, she's suddenly forced to confront her own crush.

And For my Next Trick – Leo-centric one shot. Leo's getting frustrated with his lack of progress on his mystic powers, and with Hueso's advice decides to shift his focus to a different kind of magic, stage magic. With Hueso Jr.'s help, he plans to put on an entire show, which should be fine if some other magician doesn't show up to steal the show.

Look Up Hero in the Dictionary – Raph centric. Raph's feeling a bit too idle in the city lately, with only minor crimes going on, but in his wish for something exciting a strange explosion happens at an apartment building. He attempts to help everyone escape, but a yokai holding the building together stays behind, and on top of that charges Raph with the task to take care of her child. Have fun taking care of a powerful psychic seven-year old, Raph.

What You're Made Of - Casey Jr. centric. Casey is getting frustrated with discovering weird things about his body like skin problems and peanut allergies. Draxum suggests he find out who his other parent is to get an idea of his genetic history, but when he finds out who it is, he's kind of ticked off that his family never told him. (this is a bio dad Raph fic for the record).

Off Colors AU (Separated AU)

Off Colors: Contrasts - Covers season 1. Leonardo's spent most of his life believing he's an only child because his little brother was kidnapped when they were only toddlers. But a rescue mission to the Hidden City with his best friend April results in him finding out he actually has three siblings. And in the span of a couple of weeks he finds out all of them are alive and, unfortunately, working for bad guys. He's going to try everything he can to stop them and convince them to come home, but it may be a fools errand.

Other Chaptered Fics

An Alien Invasion Happened but That's Not Really What This is About - Long ass title. Jason-centric. Hi I wrote a novella sized fic about what happens to this kid during and after the events of the movie. Watch him attempt badly to cope with trauma while also fixing his relationship with his very queer dad who loves him a lot.

Artificial Phoenix – Lou Jitsu died in the arena but then Big Mama said no no no! So Draxum brings him back to life while mutating four turtles so Lou Jitsu said NO NO NO! And he took them and ran. Alternate take on the events of the show, where Splinter is undead and unmutated, and unfortunately does not keep his soul in his body the entire time, leaving his sons grieving and desperate to get him back.

Jasonnie things

Not Part of the Plan – Donnie centric. Despite knowing time travel exists, Donnie is still surprised to find his future self in his lab. But his excitement at the possibilities is swiftly crushed as his future self has an easy time embarrassing him. He hopes he can at least gather some useful information in the process, but he slowly begins to wonder if he even wants answers to all these questions.

You Have to Let Him Go – Donnie centric also sad as hell. I literally just wanted to write about how Donnie's husband hecking dies. Read this if you want to be miserable. (or if you hate Jase I guess ??? alskdjf man got char grilled (I have to make jokes to keep myself from being upset shh))

I'll Put the Knife in Your Hand – Well, now that Donnie heard about his possible future husband, he's determined to at least get to know the guy. Unfortunately his family is far more cautious about this than he seems to be. AKA Four times Donnie's family believes Jase is planning to stab him in the back, and the one time he actually does.

ERR_FILE_NOT_FOUND - Donnie is messing around with his mind machine again, and in the process ends up erasing part of his memory. Specifically the memories about Jase, and Jase is barely handling this well. Good thing Donnie's brothers who totally and absolutely are on good terms with Jase are there to help. Maybe.

Dual Dragons - Collab fic with @there-wolf ! A fic in which our versions of Jason end up encountering each other and even switching universes temporarily, giving them a window into how their life could be different (for better or worse).

[figureofdismay]

so, you guys don't know me because I've been away from txf fandom for 20 years (and thank g.d i never posted my teenage msr scribblings lol!) but I'm finally coming out of my slump and I have three x-files fic ideas that are concrete enough to actually start working on. Except I stopped writing for 8 months due to burnout in a highly stressful previous fandom and I'm worried starting all 3 at once will make me backslide, thus, A Poll!

option one: 'Resonance Frequency,' as it says, an AU that slightly exaggerates and focuses on the abilities that Scully is haphazardly hinted to have throughout the series. Playing up the idea of her as an aware but completely unwilling psychic perceptive, she can sense the difference between legit phenomena and red herring/hoax in ways Mulder simply can't but she does *not* want to explain or deal with it (or admit it to herself). She wants proof and quantification of what she senses to make it fit with the way she wants to view the world (ie driven by concrete rules and therefore predictable), and she's afraid to talk to Mulder about it both because of how he treats her faith and not wanting his 'seek out and expose the truth' ways to put a spotlight on her, and Mulder has to come to terms with the fact that his single mindedness and black-and-white thinking is harming the person he cares about, and in a different more direct way than 'if he keeps pushing ~they will hurt her in retribution.'

option two: 'Cuckoo's Children,' taking some of the idea of CGB creating William/revival baby but not using Scully to get there, Spender Sr. arranged for some kind of mysterious clone-hybrid Mulder Take II baby to try again to have a pawn and heir -- a process started when they had access to him for the experimental brain surgery. Mulder and Scully get tipped off about the child and set out to track him down and then have to find a way to cure/stabilize him health-wise. Undecided if the boy is a clone-clone or of half of his genetic material will turn out to be Diana's, or Scully's, or even Samantha's. Themes of Scully working through multiple kinds of jealousy, longing, and grief (Diana's intrusion into their world was recent, Emily was created to be used and discarded but this child seems to be created to be used but kept), Mulder dealing with thinking of himself as a changling child who is poisonous to his loved ones and having to accept that casting himself in that role, though partially true, gives him 100% more feeling of agency than he actually had. (slightly Pawn In Frankinsence by Dorothy Dunnett inspired but without [chess game] and without spitting up the main couple for most of the plot. iykyk)

option three: 'Nothing to Pack,' title in reference to Lisa Hannigan's song Home, the posit of an affair between M & S that began somewhere either in the aftermath of Ice or after Phoebe's mind games, that leaves them both completely overwhelmed and even bewildered in the face of their explosive chemistry and inchoate feelings in the midst of trying to do the work, making it impossible to stay apart and not get wrapped up in each other even when it's risky. Then Scully is taken and Mulder goes into a fugue of loss. When she's back everything is different and wary and brittle, and Mulder treats her with this new distance, and Scully almost begins to doubt that their past innocence and their affair even happened -- everything from Before seems less real -- but they're like 'so, I guess we found a way to get over that habit, we're not going to risk that level of personal entanglement taking over everything and exploding the work again, we're not going back there and in fact it's better to pretend we never went there in the first place, the work trumps everything,' which is, of course, completely a unworkable long term plan given who they are and how they together, and given the fact that you can't just turn human emotions off at the switch.

(*disclaimer that if my sense of inspiration gets ornery, the fic that wins the poll might still not be the one I concentrate on first lol, but I do want to make an effort to focus where the potential reader interest is!)

[prpfs]

Looking for DC Comics RPs! A Little About Me:

- I'm a 21-year-old searching for someone 18+ to write within the DC Comics universe with over Discord.

- My pronouns are she/her.

- I've been roleplaying for the past 8 years or so and have bounced from platform to platform but I think I'm settled on Discord for now.

- Mainly looking for a few long-term writing partners.

- My schedule is fairly busy between classes/work/general distractions, so my responses range from fast-paced to once or twice a month sometimes.

- I try to let my partner know if my response will take longer than a week. Don't be afraid to check in though and hope I can do the same with you!

What I'm Searching For:

- Mainly looking for M/M. (However, I would not be opposed to M/F or F/F if I feel comfortable writing with you, but it's something I would prefer to write down the line.)

- I've listed a few pairings/ideas I've had in mind, but I'm open to hearing other ideas as well!

- Please be patient with replies. Sometimes I respond immediately, other times not so much.

- Be open to some OOC chat focused on the roleplay and characters.

- Please be somewhat active in plotting with me.

- I'm more than happy to write multiple threads if we seem to flow together as partners and have ideas together. Pairings (Who I prefer to write is in bold):

Dick/Slade Dick/Jason Dick/Bruce Dick/Clark Dick/Hal Dick/Thomas Jr. Tim/Jason Tim/Bruce Tim/Ra’s

Like this post and I'll reach out! ⭐️

like if you're interested and op will reach out

[fiendishfyre]

20 Qᴜᴇꜱᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ꜰɪᴄ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇʀꜱ

Thanks for the tag @annabtg 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚 Ao3 Username: FiendishFyre 1. How many works do you have on A03? I have 13 fics ups! (It'll say more but I don't wana explain it.)

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 61k! 3. What fandoms do you write for? Harry Potter so far! Maybe will branch out. (I have another ao3 for past fandoms but I don't plan to ever use it again.) 4. What are your top five fics by kudos? Written In The Stars Lavender Haze Just The Two Of Us Dream To Me

Joke Was On Me

5. Do you respond to comments? I try to but easily get overwhelmed then guilty that I didn't reply then I wonder if I should months later or will they be upset.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Seperate Ways (World Aparts) because it focuses on the Black brother and they both die in it like in canon. XD I avoid MCD because it huuurts. 7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Almost all end in happy endings!! I admit I don't know which qualifies as the happiest, hahahaa. 8. Do you get hate on fics? I've gotten annoying comments like 'why did I read this' or something similar to my Blackest fics which like...I don't know why you didn't click back. XD 9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes and it's awful. I say it's all pretty tame except for the blood relation to some of them...hahahaha 10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Nope! No clue if I plan to.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Hm, yes, a fic was translated on another site without my permission. XD 12. Have you ever had a fic translated? As above, yes but not with my consent. 13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yeah! But it wasn't posted.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? I haaaate choosing. Right now Prongsfoot is holding the most space in my mind as I write.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? All of them cuz they haven't even been posted. RIP There is many.

16. What are your writing strengths? Oh man, no idea, maybe dialogue.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Writing long work that flows well.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I think I have done it with french with aid.

19. First fandom you wrote for? First one I posted for was for Marvel! I can't find it, it's out there but I forgot the username and fic title and everything about it beside the ship. XD 20. Favourite fic you’ve written? Good question.

Karma's On Your Scent Like A Bounty Hunter Because it's a rarepair, Orion Black/James Potter and I neeeed more of them but few ship it and there is like only 3 works including mine with it as the focus.

Tagging: @strugglequill @thistlecatfics @stopme @mycupofrum @artemisia-black @snarky-magpie @impishtubist @lovelymasks and whoever wants to join in! No pressure!

[liskantope]

The webcomic Questionable Content dropped its 5000th comic on Friday, and throughout the weekend and today I binge-reread all of the most recent thousand. I've never had the impression that many of my followers care about QC (not ~8 years ago when I started to blog about it, nor today), but I do have a tradition, after each thousand of its comics, of writing a post reviewing that thousand. Here is where I blogged after the 1000th comic, reblogged after the 2000th comic, and reblogged again after the 3000th comic (this was all during my early months on Tumblr when I was more into reblogging my own posts), and here is my post from 2019 from after the 4000th came out.

When I look back on the pivotal moment clearly scheduled for QC's 500th comic, when it seemed that QC had already been going on quite a while and developed into a really involved storyline that had built and built to this moment when Faye would finally reveal her traumatic backstory, it's astounding to take in the fact that QC has now reached ten times that milestone.

I'm not sure I have a ton to say that isn't essentially a (perhaps more refined) regurgitation of some of the things I've said in the previous reviews, but I do feel like the webcomic has evolved somewhat significantly in its last thousand comics (though perhaps less so than in the previous thousands), and I have a few thoughts/feelings/opinions.

[Note: all of this post is substantially edited since a few people reblogged the original version.]

I would say that this is the first thousand-strip period where my enjoyment of the comic actually went downhill. (Although I would say my feeling is more positive when skimming back over the most recent thousand comics at once; it is still overall fantastic and there's a reason I've stayed so dedicated to reading it.)

It's hard to entirely pin down why I feel this way. I think it has a lot to do with the continued introduction of new characters, at a pace which has never shown any signs of slowing despite the massive accumulated cast the comic already has. While this means that some old characters are more or less abandoned or kind of shoved to the margins (which in some cases I'm quite sorry to see), by and large the comic has stretched out to make room to be shared by an ever-growing cast. At the 4000th strip, I was still doing fine with this, but by the 5000th, I'm starting to feel a little fatigued and past my capacity for keeping track of who's who (and also who knows whom; I have to give the artist credit for keeping careful track of this in the storyline and bringing it up in the dialog when long-already-established characters meet each other for the first time). Many more of them are AIs now, and I guess it may one day be judged as something-ist on my part that I find them more difficult to recognize and distinguish in my memory. Too many of the personalities are somewhat interchangeable too, which is something I should try to expand on just below.

I continue to describe the QC universe to myself using the term "utopia", even though I know this has to be somewhat of a misuse: as I've pointed out before, the characters in that universe are very aware that the broader society they live in is unjust in many ways, and some story arcs (though thankfully not most) are focused on rather futile battles against that injustice. But within the (quite large) social bubble that makes up the immediate QC universe, I have a hard time coming up with a better descriptive word than "utopia" -- maybe this could be modified to "social micro-utopia" or something? (I'm reliably terrible at coming up with terminology.) As I've been reading Peanuts steadily starting from its debut throughout much of the same period I've been reading QC, I actually see a likeness in these "social micro-utopias" and have been meaning forever to write an effortpost delving into this, but as it happens the 5000th-comic milestone has arrived first and that other post will have to wait for another time.

The attractions of indulging in the dynamics of a fictional social bubble which is this idyllic are that it provides a sort of pleasant escapism and that it's inspiring in a way that might enable someone to enact some of the practices and values seen in QC in their own IRL social lives. QC is a feel-good comic; it never tries or pretends to be anything other than a feel-good comic; and (at the risk of sounding trite and cliche) we all need more feel-good things in our lives, and I clearly continue to enjoy it after 8 years of keeping up through 5000 installments. At the same time, some of this... constant and slightly implausible pleasantness... has just gone a bit overboard for me by this point. Maybe a lot of this has to do with the fact that what little I have of a social life feels a very, very long way from satisfying (and I see that I remarked this in my post after comic #4000, with some language reflecting some optimism related to the fact that I was preparing at the time to move back to the US, and it's a reminder of how things really haven't improved for me to any significant degree. To state the obvious: completely unexpected earth-shaking pandemics really don't help. Neither does continuing to get only temporary jobs.) But back during the first half of the 2010's when I had a happily thriving social life, there was no lack of serious drama, tension, real struggles to tolerate one another's eccentricities, and undercurrents of discord. I keep waiting for the social dynamics between the QC characters to get a little more gritty somehow, to feel a little more real. I know this is an unfair expectation, since as observed above, QC never purports to be genuinely gritty.

One thing that has become a symbol for me of the seemingly incessant cheerfulness that characterizes around half the personalities in the comic is... I don't know if there's a term for this that cartoonists use, but you know the technique of drawing closed eyes so that they're concave down, meaning that it's the lower lids that are showing? Maybe this could be called "upturned closed eyes" or something? In cartoons they signal cheerfulness and easy-goingness. And sometimes it feels like half the QC characters go around showing this on their faces all the time, to the point that it's gotten monotonous and maybe a little sappy for my tastes. (This is part of what I meant above about personalities being interchangeable.) It's a constant reminder of how all the characters are pretty much automatically and immediately in lockstep on Major Social Values / Preferences, which I find pretty unrealistic for a hodgepodge of young-ish people who all gradually met kind of randomly. I honestly feel bad that this bothers me quite as much as it does, but it does kind of bother me. There could actually be some dissonance between the characters in terms of their beliefs, values, and ideas of a good time (example: a few, leaving aside Faye who is a recovering alcoholic, could view getting really drunk in social situations as kind of immature, unhealthy, and un-classy behavior -- even some 20-something people do see it that way!).

(Of course, as always, there are occasional characters who everyone has serious problems with, but they are either complete villains who get dealt with and then written out, people who are pushed to the periphery of the social circle but are visibly Trying To Be Better (actually, Sven seems to be the only one in this category), or once-somewhat-hostile characters that the cartoonist obviously wanted to keep around so had to immediately and pointedly mellow and humanize, like Yay a.k.a. Spookybot and probably like five others.)

The comic continues to follow tropes that I call Everyone Is Hot (and half of them are openly attracted to each other), Everyone's Parents Are Remarkably Cool (by the standards of young, socially progressive culture), Everyone Is Woke (in both an ideological and a "young and with-it" sense), and Most People Are LGBT+. I find the first two slightly irritating from time to time and don't mind the last two, but find all of it somewhat unrealistic.

While there is much less dramatic development regarding Faye and Bubbles, I'm glad that Faye remains sober, and that their relationship is still going strong. The profound and powerful love between them is exhibited by the most exquisite writing that the artist has done in all of his work on QC, I would say. Other relationships are going strong, too, and I'm glad. I seem to be asking for more social drama above, but I don't actually care to see loving relationships fall apart. The deep friendship between Faye and Marten is still visible although very much sidelined compared to the comic's old days. The big new relationship is between Clinton and Elliot, and it is adorable from beginning to end (although, see the Everybody Is LGBT+ trope above; there has IMO been a rather unrealistic proportion people convinced they were straight but conveniently discovering they weren't).

And now... there has been a really long story arc about Claire getting offered a job at Cubetown and visiting there with Marten, and all the while, through the very real possibility that Claire would take the job and she and Marten would move away, I have found myself steadfastly rooting against this happening. Because while I complain about there not being enough drama and dissonant changes and it being unrealistic, etc., I don't want that much of a change. The lack of turnover among the social group is absolutely unrealistic in my experience (perhaps partly because I'm a young academic who tends to know other young academics), but I guess it's a part of the escapism that I unreservedly love. Despite my criticisms (and as I've said, it's always easier to expand on criticisms than positive things in reviews!), I've obviously come to care deeply about these characters and their wonderful (if sometimes sappily and implausibly peaceful) dynamic, and I can't imagine the comic being the same with the initial main character and his girlfriend out of the main scene. Plus, their visit to Cubetown has already introduced us to a raft of new characters and... ugh, this comic's world is just getting too big for the comic to hold up.

And (spoiler), as of just the most recent five comics out of the 5000, it looks like Claire is taking the job and this move -- the most drastic change in the QC universe -- is really going to happen. I wonder if the cartoonist draw out the interim period of Marten and Claire preparing to move, have Dora and Tai's wedding as the last major event with them all together, and then retire the comic altogether. (He is certainly not retirement age yet but may have been planning to bring it to a close one of these years.) We'll see, but I can't say I'm thrilled at this very, very recent development. It's hard to imagine what kind of (questionable) content I'll be commenting on if/when the comic reaches its 6000th installment.

[EDIT: I just saw an announcement by the cartoonist that he does not intend to wind QC down, that he initially wanted to get Marten and Claire riding off into the sunset, but now he feels investigated in following both the original setting and the new Cubetown setting. The groaning-under-its-own-weight situation is about to get much worse... *sigh*]

Anyway, here are a few stray observations to finish things off:

The very slight drama that transpired when Clinton and Elliot were trying to feel each other out and there was sort of a romantic interest triangle -ish with Brun is another example of a subcultural norm that has always been baldly present in QC (and that I'm pretty sure I've aimed at describing before), and that I've come to realize is common in poly and queer groups, where people are much more open than I'd be inclined to be about their romantic/sexual interests in each other. Not only that, but it's the way they treat it as something rather matter-of-fact, not in the sense that they don't get worked up over it (they obviously do), but in the sense that it's dealt with sort of... practically? Where everyone is able and expected to just get over their feelings once they find out the party they're interested in isn't reciprocating, because it's not rationally helpful or constructive to hang onto those feelings? I don't know, I'm probably not expressing this well, and I can't judge that norm (it seems like for the most part it would be really nice actually and make for healthy social groups and I'm all for the people who can pull it off), but it's another one of those things that doesn't reflect the way the world really works for me. And I think I bear a grudge against it because it's in line with the fantasies of the anti- Nice Guy activists of a decade ago, who would go around saying, "And he should just get over it and want to still be friends even if I'm not interested in anything else! Otherwise he was just objectifying me the whole time. I'm entitled to the guy who I just spurned to feel like still being friends with me anyway!"

Every single thing about Aurelia as her Mommymilkers avatar is hilarious, the most I've laughed out loud over the last thousand comics. Sure, she's an implausibly "cool" parent, but she's a really enjoyable character.

Bemused nitpicky comment: the cartoonist Jeph Jacques makes a point of making all his characters very much "in the know" about what is "woke"/PC these days (e.g. Renee gently admonishes Brun from using the word "crazy" to describe someone) but appears to have a blind spot with the word "janitor", which I thought had been replaced by "custodian" in socially conscientious circles quite a few years ago.

The term "goblin" comes up a lot. A lot. (Half the time relating to Marigold somehow, but also in a bunch of other contexts.) I didn't entirely notice this until the past few days when I was doing my binge-reread. I'm not sure why Jeph Jacques is so amused by the word "goblin" that he is this fond of using it to refer to characters.

[chatgroove]

Lol so uh, hi, I'm Pulse, and I don't use my personal tumblr as much as I should and I would like to change that. I recently made a decision to get rid of a side blog that made me pretty happy because the people who partook in said k!nk community made me want to rip my hair out after a while. To save you the suspense I had a blog focused around my tickling kink lol It's still something I think about lately but my interests have changed and I don't want to associate my OCs with just k!nk anymore. They're so much more than that.

I want to finally write my book one day. Maybe even get the drive up to work on the comic. Idk something, I want my babies out there. And it feels weird trying to do that with my n/sfw blog hanging over my head with these characters that is totally...ooc for most of them lol. So if you're following me from said blog, hi, it's good to see you again and sorry I've been so sparce. Life has been kind of mean this past month.

Idk if I mentioned it but but we lost our 7 year old German Shepherd Lucy to stomach cancer later in September. She was the light of our life and currently as I'm typing this I'm weeping once again for her. That's because it was a combo of my mental health taking a nosedive after deleting a blog I had for 8 years, a pit of depression I fell into, and ofc, OF fucking course losing our precious Lucy.

But today was the tipping point. Mandy, the dog we adopted from the pound, had to be taken to the vet one final time. The bastards at the pound knew she had kennel cough and they wouldn't wait on spaying her so she got aspirate pneumonia from the procedure. We tried so hard for a week to nurse her back to health, get her to eat, get her to take the meds, anything. She just like...tanked overnight. And we had already fallen in love with her.

Today fucking sucked. Losing Mandy is making the feeling of all my other loses hit me all at once and I woke up from a nap unable to stop crying. I know this is just a rough patch but wow this hurts. This hurts really bad. I just want Lucy back. I want Mandy back. I wanted to give Mandy a good home. She was so sweet and she was taken from us too soon.

Again, I want to get into the swing of using this blog more and posting art but currently I'm just trying to keep my head above water man. I can't even draw or do anything that I love to do.

It'll come back to me, I know it will. I just. I'm hurting right now so I guess please be gentle with me haha. For those on discord who reached out to me, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart but I'm so bad at having friends see me having a mental breakdown that I'm kind of just hiding away. But thank you guys for being so kind.

I'm gonna hug Dante and watch some movies I think and eat my pizza and try to feel better. Thanks for reading <3

[claudiajcregg]

S5 Pregnancy AU - I’d love to hear about!

Welp, this is embarrassing – mostly because this has been sitting in my inbox for almost two weeks, and I kept saying “I need to write something up!” and then… I didn't. (Or rather, I did, then I forgot to post it.) Sorry for the wait, Lil! Thank you for asking <3 (I'll divide this up because I keep writing about the process and how it came to be, instead of any actual, interesting facts.)

I have talked about this one in the past though I don't have a tag for it. The gist is what it says… (Early) S5 but CJ is pregnant. I had this idea over a year ago when I hit mid/late S4 in my rewatch. I thought it'd be interesting to explore some of her disappointment at that time if you added an unexpected pregnancy to it, even if I had the idea before even getting there, lol. Think, the ending-ish of Han, or parts of Disaster Relief. (Both of which do feature! I surprisingly focus a lot on Disaster Relief.)

The thing with S5 is that the timeline is so weird, and I feel I've also created one that isn't entirely realistic but I think it works within the story. (IIRC, the season starts in “May” but also July, then the Shutdown is in November, lmao. A few of the episodes are sneaky two-parters that flow into each other… See 5-6, 7-8.) I've finally gotten out of the no-man's-land I wrote myself into and the next chapter or two, knowing myself, will deal with 7-8! There are a couple of scenes that should be fun to write! (There are so many details I want to mention that are technically spoilers for early twists…)

Every time I had the urge to write it, I'd edit whatever outline I was working in, and though I kept some details… my muse decided to make a big change early on that completely changed the fic's direction. That, and my inability to write anything succinctly. No reason why this story will cross the 100k barrier in a couple of chapters, tops. (It's sitting at 85k across 12 chapters. I think it'll be less than 20 chapters total. Hopefully.)

This might be too long to share snippets, but I've shared some either on the server or here, a couple of months ago.

For more irrelevant details on the “process”…

As I hinted at, I wrote an outline or two around this time last year, because I couldn't stop thinking about it. When I say outlines, it's a general path for the story to follow – ideas, suggestions of dialogue and/or scenes I write to myself; all focused around some sort of chapter structure. I find it much easier to write if I write down where a chapter might go, even if it's just a few lines saying “This happens → then this → finally this;” otherwise, it takes me months. Some would say that I should post it and get encouragement that way but… I hate being dependent on something I can control even less than my muse? That's not for me, thank you. Mad respect for those who work like that.

It was meant to be short – 1-2 “long” chapters per trimester, more if needed, but then interludes in between trimesters. It's not that. Most chapters currently cover 1-2 weeks, but there is not really a pattern. I was afraid of having a fic that would take over my life like the WOWO did three years ago… And it has, but I've also taken breaks and not felt too guilty about them. I definitely don't want this one to sit in my drive and have me wondering what to do with it.

(The novel, aka WOWO, aka IM AU (2021): 150k written in a little over five months, even with extended breaks over the summer. Still hits, even with all its crazy decisions, maybe because of them, but it's also been too long, and it will always remind me of someone who kinda hurt me. Attempts to replace those memories by sharing the story with others, trying to gather whether it's worth posting, have failed, lmao. One day! Maybe!)

But yeah. Uuuuuhhhh. As I've said… Twelve chapters in ten months, 85k words… It's still not done. In fact, I've repeatedly said I am unsure of how to end it (beyond the obvious), but I'd estimate it to be under 20 chapters. I'm not posting it anywhere yet because I want to be able to edit it as a whole and try to make it more consistent; to add little details as I come up with them. There's also the fact that I am not skilled enough to write a compelling story that mixes politics and emotion into something remotely engaging. As a result, the story's politics are very surface-level, and probably repetitive at points, but it's also true I've always been more interested and focused on the emotional journey and the relationship(s) at its center. (Which should surprise exactly no one who's ever read one of my stories.)

But, as critical as I might sound of myself here, I am having fun writing this and I'm committed to seeing it through. I just keep having ideas for stories down the line, putting actual show events through a 'but she also has a kid' perspective.

[sentimentalmachine]

I'm so heartbroken. My brother's cat died today. I loved that cat so much and my brother loved him even more. He was only 8. He was such a sweet guy. I haven't seen him in so long and now I never will. We were supposed to have a family Halloween party today but my brother didn't make it because he was taking the cat to the emergency vet. I didn't know until I got home and saw facebook what the outcome was. I really wanted it to be that he would be ok, not gone. Ever since my cousin very unexpectedly died a few months ago, we all decided we needed to make more effort to see each other. We all regretted how little we had seen him these past several years with him living overseas. So my other cousin, his brother, put together this Halloween party. The only time I've seen him since before covid was at the funeral and memorial when we were focused on other things. But today the first thing he said to me was "is everything ok, you're looking really frail" and that kind of broke my heart. Because it's really the first thing people notice about me now. I knew I was looking frail, but hearing so many people point it out lately hurts. I'm just a frail sickly old lady now, and that's all anyone sees when they look at me. People at doctors and physical therapy talk about how tiny I am, how I have no substance to my body as if pointing out the obvious is supposed to do any good? I've tried so so hard to become well these past few years but this year more than any other time of my life the sickness just shows on me like flashing red lights. And no one can find out why and nothing makes me better and I'm trying everything I possibly can and going into so much debt it scares me but nothing helps and sometimes I just get so tired of trying I don't want to even try anymore. I had to get a mammogram this week to recheck this suspicious spot they have been keeping an eye on, the lady who administered it was so concerned about my appearance and loss of tissue since my last scan. I told her I'd been sick and hadn't been able to gain weight and she just looked at me with this sad worried look and in a sad worried tone said "you can't gain any weight"? and I just shook my head. Thankfully for the first time in years my scan was all clear though so at least I don't have to get another one for awhile. But it was just another incidence of how horrible I must appear to others. People who don't know me. It's not just in my head anymore. It's real and it's out there. And I don't understand why I can't gain weight. I've always been able to gain weight. (except in 2013/14 when I was recovering from a difficult surgery) I never thought I'd reach middle age and be tiny and frail, this is the time of life women usually put on weight. It makes no sense. Then my GI visit was so bad he thinks it's just IBS. Despite all my symptoms and how sick I look, despite IBS shouldn't affect your weight, make your stomach swell and bleed, suddenly be allergic to things you were never allergic to, loss of muscle and so much more. I BEGGED him to at least test me for sibo, but he doesn't think it could possibly be that. And maybe it's not but it's something they haven't checked for and is easy to check for but I'm pretty sure he just thinks I'm crazy. He actually bulged his eyes out when I told him I just wanted to be able to eat more types of food and gain weight, as if it was some unreasonable thing to want. I like my 2 physical therapists a lot though, they recognize how bad my condition is and are trying hard to help me improve. But I haven't been making any improvements and I'm scared they are going to have to dismiss me. My main PT person assures me that it will take a very long time to see improvements with how bad my condition is but since I can't find someone who will even try to find out exactly what causes me to be in this horrible condition will it even be possible to improve with any amount of time?

[ariadnasdiary]

30 Questions of CP, OC & Fandom★

Mun Ari: I was tagged by @kindan-no-kanojo and @mino-diabolik thank you!! (Credit to @mukami-kuron-mrsadisticcat)

1. How long have you been in this fandom?

I think around 2015-2016(?. 2015 is when I found DL anime, but it was until months later that I got interested with the decond seasom. I started here in tumblr in 2016 and until 2017 I stsrted my OC blog. So… 6-7 years? Oh my…that much? 😳

2. Who's your fictional boyfriend/husband?

Kino my love <3. Since he made his appearance in 2017 and I read his route… puff! I'm in love~ lol. Up until now he has remind as my #1 husbando <3

3. Why do you like them?

For many reasons: we share some things from our past, so I can relate to him for that reason. Also, he's so funny (I love his sense of humor lol), how intelligent and witty he is (I love his role as the villain jijij), how childish and spoiled he can act, we share some hobbies and of course his appeareance and voice makes me weak! Also he's a cutie when he wants, I can't >////<

4. Have you make acquaintance with anyone that ships themselves with the same character?

Hell yeah! @mino-diabolik @kindan-no-kanojo and @eli-loversblog we are all happy members of Kino's harem jijijij

5. How do you feel about it?

Happy and proud. Kino is such a misunderstood character and therefore his fan base is so tiny!! So whenever I find someone that loves Kino AND has an OC with him is like another tiny victory!!

6. Do you feel any negativity towards them?

No? So far I've encounter very few Kino fans, but none has been toxic or something similar 🤷🏻‍♀️.

7. Do you like seeing their oc(s) interact with your man/woman?

As interact with Kino? Or with my OC? Or with both? The answer to all three is: absolutely yes! Kino deserves so much love and every new fan is great news! With Ari makes me feel super super happy for her to be loved and noticed! And with both as a couple makes my heart go 💗💗💗

8. Do you feel competitive against them?

I must admit that when I started I felt a little jealous with some (that are not longer active as far as I know) since they had more support and had the plus to be great artists so bring their ship's dream to reality.

Of course I got over it super fast and I focused on my own personal growth and so far I'm extremely happy to see more people liking and shipping Kino with their OCs!!

9. Confident, or pessimistic?

Eh? About what? My ship? If it's so then... neutral? I mean there were better times for the DL OC community, but understand that times changes and I'm busy with real life responsibilities, so I can't dedicate the time I use to give this blog. Of course is natural people left, others came and I stayed and to pass unnoticed is due to my lack of activity/interactions and such.

So is a 50/50. There are good days and bad ones.

10. Would you like more to get to know about your ship, or would you rather it being lowkey?

Honestly? I miss the old days and I wish I could be more active. But there are so much new people and my some friends are now gone... that I feel anxious. I'm super shy when it comes to socialize and interact with new people + my reduced time online... that is very hard for me. So, I would love to interact more, but I'm shy >/////<

11. Do you follow any of those people (them whom ship themselves with your fictional lover)

Of course! I try to send them asks from time to time and I always check them out whenever I enter here!

12. Are you friends with them?

I'd like to think that ;u; (I have interacted with their Muns and I talk to some more than others jejeje)

13. What do you think about the 'stans' ?

Good question... I'm not sure I know what it means 100%. I deduce you mean those who 'stan' a character as their fans(?.

I think everything in measure and balance is totally OK. You can ship yourself or an OC with them and be creative or have fun! HOWEVER! If your love becomes and obsession and it starts hurting or bothering others... then we have a problem. Is an issue when people believes they 'own' the character or are passive-aggressive with other fans. Excuses as 'I love them more than you do!' Or 'I'm the only one to understand them!' Or 'I'm their only and true girlfriend' is like: Get yourself a therapy~ you're desillusional 🤦🏻‍♀️

14. Are you worried about plagiarism or copying of your oc(s) by others?

There is always that risk. It does annoys me since is a work/creation I made myself and it took me time, work and even money to create.

It did happened to me not long ago that a person took a commission I payed and edited it to put her OC. She made a TERRIBLE work editing it (you know with paint or even Instagram colors), but fortunately she "vanished".

I'm low-key afraid some might steal any of my fanfics and post them as theirs in other platforms though... but I'm not that relevant or famous to worry about that lol. And I haven't made any commissions lately and I haven't seen my commissions around or edited so... I guess I'm fine?

15. How do you handle such a situation if it happens?

A friend was who told me about it and we both worked together to solve it (she was also a victim of that girl as she stole her OC almost everything [appearance, name, ship...] and in my case my commission). As I know what it feels like I try to tell the corresponding authors of the original piece if they are being victims of stealing so we can all work together to solve it.

16. Is your cp public or only between a particular circle of friends?

I'll assume my blog/ship. The answer is public: at this point many know my blog and OC lol.

17. Do you lock a specific cp ship, whats the reason? (I dare you to tag them~!)

Nop. So far I haven't block anyone.

18. What kind of behaviors do you suppose is pretentious to you?

If I understand correectly this question.... I think you mean attitudes that I don't like in fans?

I'll answer as such: I don't like when people thinks they can own a character or many just because they have theirs ocs paired with them. If they are all bark no bite, then you can just ignore them... but if they are those people that actually harass others that pisses me off. I don't get involve in online confrontations (cause' is pathetic really), unless they are attacking friends of mine in a very mean way. I'm ready to thows hands!

ALSO the thieves or tracers also annoys me, becuase their arguments and actions are stupid. 'I found them online! So I shared it!', 'I'm doing them a favor by posting it in my profile!' or 'Who are you to tell me what to do? I post what I want!'. UGH! HATE THEM! If you don't know how to draw: DON'T POST OTHER'S WORK!

Overall, I just find annoying those people that are immature or mean in general so I just avoid them.

19. What kind of comments do you dislike the most when it comes cp feedbacks of your oc(s)?

I haven't encounter any of the sort directed to me specifically? But I've seen what haters are willing to do.

I hate when they simply critize the OC in question with their stupid opinions like: 'I don't like your OC because is not pretty', 'she's ugly', 'she's a Marie Sue', 'she's a cheap copy of *insert character*', 'you need to improve your skills', or the best one 'I don't like your OC, stop shring her!' etc. Like: SHUT UP! NO ONE ASKED YOU. IF YOU DON'T LIKE A SHIP SIMPLY UNFOLLOW OR BLOCK. NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR DAMN OPINION.

20. Have you receive hates about your oc(s) before?

nop, thankfully. But if I encounter one, I'll simply block them~

21. Do you have a complete love story of your cp? 

yep! Well... the official route is still incomplete lol. I'm missing some endings, but I haven't come up with something .-.

BUT I have created so many AUs that is impressive how many lives they have lived and fallen in love with :'D

22.  Do you allow joint of alternate universe with the canon version of your cp story?

I just said it: AUs rock! I love them! ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES TO EXPLORE AND ENJOY FOR YOUR SHIP!!

Seriously, every idea has so much potential! that's why I have written so many~!

Don't hesitate to add Ari to any of your AUs!!!

23. Are you okay with people shipping their oc(s) with yours?

Sure! Sometims it's me who begs my Ari to be ship with others ocs [Mystic I'm looking at you!], but I haven't had luck(?

24. Ever gone through a bad experience in the fandom?

Not really(? Unless I have already forgotten or never noticed(?

25. The ocs that you admire in this fandom are? (Tag them~)

@kindan-no-kanojo (have you seen Scarlett? She's an icon! Her character is 100/10!)

@mino-diabolik (she has endure and survive the pass of time and Mystic is loved by many! #goals)

@violet-sin (she's not longer in the fandom nor tumblr, but all her OCs are magnificent!! Also, I was witness of her artists skills improvement and now I love her style!!)

@vixen-ocs (not longer in DL, but her self-insert was super pretty! I loved her!)

@eli-loversblog (she wasn't around for very long, but I liked her OC. I wished we could have interacted more ;-;)

@the-sloth-woman (she took the inicial idea [DL verse] and created an impire of her own... that's some mad skills. Also her writting talent is amazing!)

@invampirehellorheaven (not sure if she's still around [in this blog and her OC I mean], but she was an interesting character to interact with :D)

@lets-bewitched (she's more active on Instagram and we are good friends! I like Seina a hell lot!)

@lunaangel1010universe (Amina is lovely! Plus all her art pieces are amazing! I love how her story has development and even the many AU she already has!)

26. What is the moment that caused you to feel most disappointed or excited?

Excited? When the fandom was more active and many ocs interacted with each other! It was so much fun!

Sad? When all this stopped :'(

27. The scariest era that you have come across in the fandom?

The OCs war. The trinity of caos that existed in the fandom and all the people they scared due to this >:'v

28. The most wonderful thing you have come across in this fandom?

My friends that support me in all my blogs:

@sugar-lollipop @the-sloth-woman @kindan-no-kanojo @mino-diabolik @lunaangel1010universe @lets-bewitched and more <3

29. Say something towards those that support and admire your cp~

THANK YOU. YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME. YOU INSPIRE ME TO KEEP CREATING AND DO WHAT I LOVE!! I ADORE YOU ALL SINCE YOU ARE ALSO GOOD FRIENDS OUTSIDE TUMBLR!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOUR SUPPORT MEANS TO ME. IF MY DAY WAS A 25 OR A 50 YOU MAKE IT A 100!! THANK YOU!!!

30. You've worked hard, keep up the good work! ★★★

[kelpiemomma]

You don't have to respond to this as I'm sure you're busy but I just wanted to take the time to say a big thank you for all of your dad Ingo fics, especially Lifetime Guarantee in particular. Sorry if this is a bit cheesy or too much but I don't exactly have the best relationship with my family. I've been suffering with some major depression and low self esteem because of it. It's taken a very hard toll on me. I relate to Akari in these stories very deeply and the idea that despite everything, she has people who care about her and won't let her suffer alone despite how she may feel she deserves to is very comforting and gives me hope that one day, I'll find people who care about me too. I've read through all your dad Ingo fics countless times and I find something new to like about it each time. Waiting for Jumping The Rails and Arms Outstretched to update, among other things, have kept me going this past week or so while I wait to bounce back out of my low point. Getting that notification brings the brightest of smiles to my face. (With that being said though, please take breaks and try not to push yourself too hard 💜)

I might leave a message for a lil bit, especially if I'm working on something for it, but I always try to respond!!! Responding to people is important to me 😂💚

I am honestly so stinking touched by the fact that people who have some sort of problem with their family or issue with their family find comfort in my fics 🥺 The fact that people find comfort in my fics at all is just. Amazing to me. I don't know how to describe it 😅 I have fics that I go to for comfort but when I started writing again I never thought that the ones I wrote would be someone else's comfort fic fajdskfls 🥺 Whenever I get a comment about how people are rereading any of them I have to stop and think like, really? Mine? My fics? Rereading? Mine? 😂 I cannot express how happy I am that people can relate to the Akari I write and that she can help bring relief and hope for a better future!!

I had some pretty nasty depression as a teenager and the only thing that got me through high school in one piece was my horse 😅 I don't like to whinge on the internet but I had an older brother who'd failed high school that my parents compared me to, my dad was threatening to sell my horse if my grades slipped, and my mom was intent on me getting into college, I lost one group of friends and was somewhat of an outcast with another group- the only thing that kept me sane and in one piece was Simon. I won't go into details but I truly don't know where I'd be without him, he was always my bright spot at my lowest points. So I know what you mean, to an extent, about difficult family relationships and the emotions it causes and finding the bright spots in them. It just baffles me, in a good way!, to understand that my fics are someone's Simon. It genuinely brings me to tears to realize that 😂

I'm currently focusing on the next chapter of Arms Outstretched, because I'm most excited for it! The 8-10k chapter/week of JtR burned me out a little, and I've gotten myself distracted by artfight and several AUs, but the fics are my priorities. Work slows down this month so I'm hoping to focus on writing more before it picks up next month 🤞🤞

To help get you through, here's a small snippet of Arms Outstretched:

“No, not at all. It’s just- that’s stuff that people who specialize in our history know more about. Cynthia has told me all about it, of course, but that’s not something that most out-of-regioners are interested in. It’s impressive that you know that information. Do you know anything else?”

 Ingo raised a hand to his chest, where his heart was pounding and almost painful. He felt a deep fissure of unease, as if bringing it up made him think of… of a time he had known it much more intimately. It was like he knew the stress of watching someone walk away to do their survey work first-hand, knowing that they might not come back. “It must have been… frightening for those in their families, to have members in the Survey Corps when it was so dangerous.”

“Yeah… Captain Cyllene eventually managed to persuade Commander Kamado to send people out in groups from two to five, but it was a hard won battle. Apparently, one of Professor Laventon’s main assistants almost got killed during an expedition. He got severely injured, enough to end his career, and it was Professor Laventon’s anger because if he’d been with a human partner he would have never been injured so badly. Records show that Professor Laventon actually yelled at Commander Kamado!” Dawn shared, gesturing towards the building. “It’s crazy to think that it used to house several offices, a lab, an infirmary, and so much more… all in one building! Now we have our apartments, our hospitals, our pokemon centers… everything is separated. I wonder what it was like to have it all in one place.”

Loud, Ingo thought, loud and sometimes frightening. To report in to Cyllene and hear someone screaming in the infirmary was enough to rattle almost everyone.

And also, here's the horse who kept me from pulling stupid shit! I miss him every day 💚

[butmakeitprincess]

100 Days of productivity update

So.. I'd be on day like.... 7 or 8? But I genuinely lost track because of how busy I've been. The weekend was pretty relaxed but I managed to do more work on sunday than I have the past month (about an hour/ hour and a half on Forest. I know that's pretty bad but I'm really depressed right now lol

On that note; we just made a change to my medication that I'm hoping will make a huge difference in my motivation/productivity. We'll have to see, I guess, but I'm excited at the idea of feeling better.

Today I need to be pretty productive before even noon because I have 3 tests and 3 writing labs (I missed a lot of classes (Again, depression)).

I have to read/annotate 3 chapters, which I don't know if that's actually possible? But I'll try my best.

Study the four poems I'm going to write my essay on and come up with an essay topic

Print my next chapter to annotate

I obviously have much more to do, but I think focusing on just 3 things at a time is going to help me keep on task and not get un-motivated.

Now... Onwards!!

[steamishot]

pottery week 3/6

i now know how to get to class and home without checking the maps and am a lot more comfortable going to class. on week 3, there was a lot more freedom to throw - people were throwing different shapes, cups and bowls. i threw a total of 4 things: 1 cup, 2 bowls, and 1 semi-plate. it was a good session for me! however, due to pottery (i think), i temporarily had some palm and ankle pain (ankle pain that was bad enough where it woke me up in the night). these eventually went away after a couple of days. it's actually a very physical activity so the posture is important to maintain.

yoga: i did 5 sessions last week (3 heated and 2 flow and restore) and overall was generally more tired. i'm usually very energetic due to having a remote job and not needing to exert myself physically, so this is a good change. i have 5+ more classes scheduled this week. luckily they give a 5 hour window to cancel before class, so i can always decide to opt out if i'm too tired.

piano: i started learning the basic version of fur elise, and am taking up music as a language now on duolingo.

studio living: as time progresses, i've been feeling fed up and generally unhappy/lowkey stressed sharing a studio apartment with matt on his weeks off. there isn't true "alone time" in our own home. i find myself getting easily irritated and then guilty for feeling this way. it wasn't really an issue during residency, because he wasn't home for extended periods of time. now we're getting to 1.5 years of the 7on7off schedule, where he's basically home most of the 7 days off and we're like always ten feet away from each other. it's annoying because we would have upgraded the apartment if we knew job searching was going to take this long. and it's doubly annoying because we could afford some comfort now. at this point, its about 3.5 years of living in a studio, which i can see as fine in our 20s... but we're literally early-mid 30s now, so it does feel a bit juvenile.

the size of our studio is equivalent to my bro and SIL's master bedroom and i think it's like being in a pressure cooker. welp, i'll try to control what i can, which is doing the work and possibly going to the lounge or coffee shop to work so we can have space. and i'm focusing on the positives of saving money.

job searching: no concrete details on this yet, but it seems matt may have received an offer for a per diem opportunity at huntington health. the location is great, but we don't know what PD entails/how many shifts a month they offer. we followed up with LA USC who has been stringing us along since end of november and got ghosted, so that's a no.

30s bday party: this past sunday, we celebrated R's 30th birthday. T planned a whole day of activities for her, and a few relatives came from out of town to celebrate. matt and i joined for a chinatown dinner at ping's and karaoke in ktown. karaoke was a looot of fun, and reminded me of my early 20s. we got to sing our hearts out that night. the next day, we decided to join them for a kbbq dinner at cote. it was a bit uncomfortable, because we kinda crashed, so we had to squish 8 people in an outdoor seating area. i think most people's social batteries were low too, so the mood/dinner was just okay.

[lone-wolf-no-more]

"This path looks familiar...because I've already been here!", Or "Backtracking doesn't make you a failure."

There's that scene from The Return of the King. You know the one, at least I HOPE you do, and you're not one of them "dern Millennials" who never took the time to watch The Lord of the Rings, but know *gags* all the lines from the Twilight movies by heart. Sorry, there could be a legitimate reason you haven't seen it. Anyhow...in this scene, Frodo and Sam are trying to find their way into Mordor, and they're getting lost in a misty haze that obscures everything, and makes everything look the same. Because, as you know, one does not simply...now, if you haven't watched the movies, I'll forgive you, but surely you know the end of that sentence.

So, because one does not simply walk into Mordor, they are lost, walking in circles. And this isn't some "over the river and through the woods to Mordor we go" kind of deal.

They have a very clear, very important mission. And they soon find out that the only way they can finish it, is to put their trust in someone they would never dream of trusting otherwise, and going places their "old self" would be scared to even think about.

In this moment of being lost in the fog, and in the time leading up to this moment, they had so many seeming "missteps" and wrong choices and errors. But that didn't make their mission any less important, nor did it make them a failure. Not knowing what to do next at any given moment in time doesn't make YOU a failure, doesn't make ME a failure.

And I've had to tell myself that so.Many.Times the past few months. It's having the ability to tell yourself to forget about what you could've done differently. Sometimes, things literally HAVE to happen for you to learn, and learn better. Things HAVE to happen for you to be prepared, for you to know yourself better: your strengths, your weaknesses. Having to pivot or change course, or (in my case) drop things at least for a time that you've been working on for awhile doesn't make you incompetent. If anything, it takes true strength and insight to know when you need to lay off and focus in more on less. And that concept directly ties into my previous post.

In my zeal and desperation to "get ahead" as quickly as possible, I found that I was trying to do to much at once. I was trying to build the walls and the keep, and dig the moat around my castle, all at once. Here's the problem. That's literally impossible!

And not only have I had to learn that less can in fact be more, I actually find myself making more progress because of it. And like Frodo, I've been trying to bear this burden by myself. I can't, no more than he could. He needed allies and friends around him to protect him and help him on his journey. So do I. And so do you, and don't you forget it!

Now, from today's journal entry:

Today was alright. Got up around 8:30, because it was a trading day. Trading didn’t really go well. In line with what I said in the above entry, I’m finding that I’m splitting up my attention far too much instead of staying laser focused and getting good at trading.

Discord trade chat while actually trading, not a good idea. I’m not going to watch it from now on, because it’s distracting and confusing me, and as somebody said to me, things happen quickly, and I need to be ready to take advantage of them.

So that means I need to re-asses what my morning trading routine is. That is, what levels do I need to mark up and watch, what is my entry plan (being pro-active, instead of trying to decide on the fly after the market opens and starts to move), and what is my exit plan.

In the broader picture, I’m putting other projects on hold, and doing more “outsourcing”, so to speak.

Doing more bot trading while I learn how to trade manually. No more manual live trades until I KNOW I’m ready. And in the meantime the bot will do some work for me, which will take pressure off me to try to “get gud” fast.

Here’s hoping it’s not too little, too soon. There’s that nasty word still hanging in my head: eviction. I haven’t completely abandoned the hope that reason and the gift of more time will win out in the end. I do know it can’t hurt for me to have more to show for my effort as that date draws closer.

Still doing mindfulness, still trying to get up out of my chair and move when I can during the day, still sticking with the same food, still following all my parameters for sleep, entertainment, etc. And here I am, still journaling and posting. And best of all: my sibling is still on my side, every step of the way, doing what they can to assist me.

Can’t give up. WON’T give up.

Todaloo.

[satyrcon]

so i'm finally recovering from covid. the past 5 or so days have been different circles of hell. the fever, the shivering, the raw throat, the congested nose and ears, the loss of taste and smell, the fatigue. in one week i've basically undone all of the hard work i've been doing all summer. i feel worse than i have had in months. and its a fucking shame.

but, on the other hand, i know that i won't be starting from 0 when i return to my regular routine. it'll feel like it, but i just have to continue staying consistent and not be so hard on myself for something i had little control over.

ive been thinking a lot. i mean - i always do. but now that its august, and the sun is swollen and the air is muggy, it's also the one year anniversary of the year from hell.

i've been thinking a lot about how during this time last year i was completely out of balance. i was working a job i hated, i was devoted to someone who hated my guts, i was friends with someone who very clearly did not see me as a friend. i had to cut them all off, or rather, be forced to cut them all off.

and it's been great. i've been happier, more focused, more aligned with success. are things perfect? not really, and i know that nothing will ever be, but for the past 8 or so months i have been pretty happy with the results of this change.

soon, i'll be put to the real test. i'm going to start my internship, land me a real job, meet new people. i've been in a new relationship, which has also made me very happy but also has set a new parameter for me. he's gentle, he's self assured, he doesn't fight for the sake of fighting. he's stable. and through him, i have also become more of these things, enjoying the quietness.

this time last year, i really wanted to die. now, i feel better.

i wish i could call up that one friend and try to get things back together, but in my heart, i know things are better unspoken. she betrayed me. why do i always have to be the nice one?

[nature-hideout]

Travelling as a Solitary Witch

As a solitary witch...

I am a solitary witch; I always have been. My mom waited until I was a teenager before telling me that the herbal home remedies and holistic crystal, incense, and singing bowl healing methods weren't just new age homeopathic remedies, but witchcraft that she had been practicing and teaching me. When she finally had an open conversation with me about our practices and spirituality, she warned me about who I shared this information with. "Most people just wouldn't understand; I never even told your dad. Religion is a dangerous subject, and people don't like what they don't understand." I understood why she was so cautious, I had experienced some problems with peers when I brought crystals to school or told them about "cleaning the energy after cleaning the furniture" in reference to sage cleansing.

So, as long as I've known that I've been practicing, I've kept it close to my chest. Unfortunately, this made it really difficult for me to feel comfortable enough to practice -- even in the privacy of my own space. Now that I live in my own apartment, in a different state than anyone who once knew me, I am finally comfortable and confident to practice every day and much more openly than I used to. (the area I live in being so accepting helps a lot, too)

However, when I travel, I regress into old habits and hide back in the broom closet. I have been staying at my boyfriend's house for the past month or so, and because of that, I haven't touched my tools in a month. Sometimes I would bring my tarot cards or runes to his house, but the energy was never right for me to feel connected to my practice. To combat this, I've been focusing on research and daily practices more this past month.

Here are some little daily witchy practices I've done while away from home:

1. Stirring my daily intentions into my cup of coffee.

This is one that I've had recommended through blogs and youtube videos a lot, but never considered doing until I felt deprived of my practice. Now that I'm back home, though, I still do this every morning. I find it a nice way to think about my day ahead and set the intentions I have for the day.

2. Initial Sigil

I want to make a separate post for this one alone, but it's a simple sigil I thought of one night while trying to fall asleep. Sometimes when my boyfriend is having a bad day or having trouble falling asleep, I use it on him, too. To start, trace your first initial (or the person you are performing it on) somewhere on your body, I usually do the thigh or back. First, trace it going in towards the heart, curves going clockwise, and charge it with the intentions you want to attract (energy, positivity, peace, motivation, etc). Then, trace the initial going away from the heart, the curves counterclockwise, and state the energies you wish to banish (anxiety, restlessness, anger, procrastination, etc). Repeat the first step once more to re-clarify the positive intents. To seal the sigil, swipe your hand over the skin you traced the initial on, and visualize the sigil sinking into the skin and fading away (or however you prefer to end a spell).

3. Breath/Energy Work

When I was little, I could bring this intense heat into my hands whenever I thought about it hard enough. Now, I use that same concept to feel the energy circulating through my body when I feel sluggish and need a quick recharge. Sometimes, I pull energy into my hands before giving him a back massage to add some energy healing. I practice my breathing a lot when I'm away from home, too, because I don't need any tools, space, or quiet to do it. Meditating in a house of 8 people is almost impossible, but focusing on my breathing and practicing different techniques is definitely doable.

I'll talk more in a different post about my daily witchy habits that I practice in my home, but I wanted to share some of the things that have helped me recently :)