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#I was about to fucking get something to eat but no I'm gonna have to wait for the nausea over that to die down first
inkskinned Β· 3 days
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this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.
good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.
sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.
so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.
one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.
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luvhughes43 Β· 2 days
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BOYFRIEND | quinn hughes
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[luvhughes43 masterlistπŸŒ™]
based off the song boyfriend by ariana grande
summary: every summer without fail you and quinn fall back into old habits... you two aren't official but the feelings are there.
word count: 3.4k
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i'm a motherfuckin' train wreck i don't wanna be too much but i don't wanna miss your touch and you don't seem to give a fuck
all of your life you had four loves. there was shitty reality television, your home state-michigan, your summers at your familys lake house, and then there was quinn hughes.
you had always loved him even if you hadn't recognized it yourself. back then, both of your parents would make little comments about how they're going to end up together one day! but when you stayed in michigan and quinn moved to vancouver everything changed.
when quinn left school to pursue hockey you assumed that your friends with benefits situation would fizzle out. but it hadn't. and so youre left wanting as you watch the brunet boy trapeze around his backyard - greeting boys he'd seen countless times over the hockey season while you were stuck at school.
when you finally do catch this eye, he waltz over with a shit-eating grin. "hey, haven't seen you in awhile," he teases, pulling you under his impressive arm. you stumble into his side with practice ease and quinn tilts his head to look down your solo cup. "the fuck is that?"
you hold the cup over your head to where you assumed his lips would be, "i dont know jack made it - 'could be anything,"
quinn reaches for the cup and takes a measured sip. "that'll kill you," he winces, spilling the cups contents on the grass and tossing the cup along with it.
you sigh, peeved. quinn did this thing where he assumes he knows what's best. "i was actually drinking that,"
"yeah, yeah, i'll get you something else," he says distractedly as someone from across the yard flags him down.
just as quinns about to leave again you grab his arm and pull him back to you. even though you're embarrassed to ask you lower your voice and whisper, "when am i going to see you again?"
quinn pauses. "like, are we gonna..."
you remain silent, not wanting to say what you truly want. it was easier to hint at your forays instead of being honest about things. "i'll catch up with you tonight, promise" he kisses the underside of your wrist before shouting playfully to someone in the distance.
i don't wanna keep you waiting but i do just what i have to do and i might not be the one for you but you ain't about to have no boo
an hour later you wander inside the boy's house to grab yourself a refill. there was still no sign of quinn - and so you decide to unwind a little bit before the night truly got underway. every year the guys would host a party to reign in the end of the season. guys from across the country would travel and spend a week in michigan celebrating with packs of zyns, cases of beer, and endless rounds of golf.
"zyn?" trevor zegras says as he holds out a small white pouch towards you. you shake your head no and trevor shoves the circular box back into his short pockets.
"i heard he's single," a girl to your left whispers loudly to a group of her friends. trevors head turns instinctively,but you pay the group of girls no attention.
"ten bucks they're talking about me," trevor leans down and whispers.
"twenty bucks they're not," you announce back and then the two of you messily shake on it. you probably shouldn't have gone to jack for a refill on his concoction but quinn was taking too long so...
"well quinns hot so if he is single, i'll try it," you're not sure what it was exactly but your face heats up regardless. beside you, trevor groans and fishes his wallet out of his back pocket.
youre pretty sure he tries to hand you a wad of crumpled up ones but you were no longer paying attention to trevor or your bets. instead, your focus shifted to a gorgeous blonde hyping herself up to go and talk to your best friend.
'cause I know we be so complicated but we be so smitten, it's crazy i can't have what I want, but neither can you
"alright... i know they're wrinkled but cash is legal tender..." trevor trails off obnoxiously and thus you grab hold of his ten dollars clenching your fist.
"i'll see you later?" you call out distractedly, solely focused on the blonde approaching quinn across the room.
you ain't my boyfriend (boyfriend) and I ain't your girlfriend (girlfriend) but you don't want me to see nobody else and I don't want you to see nobody
it was wrong to use others for personal gain but you were sure there had to be an exception for making somebody jealous. plus, it wasn't like quinn was a saint either.
you vividly remember how quinn chatted up some girl in your class two years ago at a frat party. it was a shitty thing to do, considering how much you complained about that particular girls work ethic after she left you hanging on a group project.
the next morning, quinn had stopped by your apartment to apologize with a bouquet of peonies in hand. you had reluctantly forgiven him, but because the two of you weren't exactly exclusive the fight dissolved on your tongue before you could even properly fight about it.
"hey baby," you tease all your syllables - making sure the baby really rings out in tune. quinns smile doesn't falter at your emergence, instead, he grins as his attention turns from the blonde and onto you.
"y/n," he glances between you and the new girl. you'd have to work for his attention a little more than you'd like to tonight. "as i was saying..." quinn resumes his conversation with the girl slowly, trying his hardest to piss you off.
a tuft of dark black hair peeks it's way through your peripheral and your head immediately turns to find alex turcotte standing alone a few feet away. "turcs!" you call out in the same teasing tone you'd used on quinn and alexs attention is immediately focused on you.
"baby!" he yells jovially, and you could not have planned something better yourself. baby, was a nickname assigned to you after a particular summer in which you were obsessed with dirty dancing. you had pranced around the house to its soundtrack and forced anybody who was around to dance with you - all embarrassingly bad imitations of patrick swayze.
you dont turn to acknowledge quinns reaction but you imagine it as you sway your way over to alex. quinns face would be scrunched up in annoyance, and his eyes would darken just a tad to accompany his scowl. if there was one thing quinn hated more than he liked teasing you, it was you teasing him back.
"so strong!" you laugh loudly, gripping onto alex's arm. his hand brushes across your lower back and you smile brightly when he leaves it resting there.
"you really know how to work a guy, huh?" he laughs before removing his hand altogether. "what are you drinking?" he asks then, shifting tones dramatically from flirtatious to friends-since-childhood.
"i don't know jack made it," you hold the cup up to his face and he recoils with a scuff.
"you're going to be so sick tomorrow,"
you take a sip of your drink before glancing back in quinns direction. his dark eyes were still trained on you but the blonde was still at his side. flirting with alex was truly petty. both you and quinn knew nothing would ever come of it but it was still fun to get him riled up anyway.
but you ain't my boyfriend (boyfriend) and I ain't your girlfriend (girlfriend) but you don't want me to touch nobody else baby, we ain't gotta tell nobody
"want to get me something else?" you ask with a soft voice and you hope it carries to where quinns standing.
alex looks at you momentarily before shaking his head quickly. "uh, yeah, yeah let's go to the kitchen..." you take the lead in your venture to the kitchen and alex slinks his arm around your waist.
you barely make it out of the living room before quinn interrupts your path. "hey man, its been awhile," his smile is strained as he reaches a hand out to alex. the two greet each other and the flashes of disappointment on quinns face is evident when alex doesnt take his arm away from your body.
"where ya two heading?" he asks.
alex hits his solo cup against yours and a slosh of molten liquid rolls over the rim of your cup and onto your new white shoes. "this one needs a new drink. jack made her another one his his "concoctions,"" alex laughs easily but quinns face is entirely tense.
you stay silent.
"oh, i can take her," quinn says with a slight edge.
"it's no worries i can do it," alex assures him with a small smile. "i think jacks in the kitchen and i wanna say hello," he adds when quinn makes no move to back down.
"uh, i just saw him go outside actually," quinn states and you wonder if you should interrupt.
the two boys stare at each other tensely and alex drops his hand from your waist. "i'll see you later baby?" alex mutters lowly, and your head spins from whatever moment you just missed right there.
you nod dismissively to alex and watch in silence as he rapidly walks out of the living room. "what was that for?" you ask quinn as soon as you turn to face him. as expected, his eyebrows were scrunched together and his face show small signs of annoyance.
"you need a drink," is all quinn responds with, and you follow behind him slowly as he maneuvers his way through small crowds of people.
───────── ౨ৎ ─────────
your vodka cranberry was slowly spilling its contents onto quinns hardwood floor as it lay discarded.
"your floors getting all wet," you mumble against quinns lips the second the two of you pull apart. his hair was messy and his cheeks flush when he notices you staring.
"dont care," he huffs, pulling your hips flush against his own. "'been too long sine i've seen you last,"
you kiss his neck teasingly, "the wood will get ruined,"
quinn sighs and pulls away from you. he strips his shirt off and lets it fall atop your discarded solo cup. his confidence was something that had grown over the years and you were pleasantly delighted.
"thank you," you whisper to him as he slides his arms back against you. you wait for him to say something - mention what happened downstairs but quinn remains silent.
instead, he leads you backwards to his bed with well practiced ease. the games you two play were fun when they ended up like this, but at the same time you felt a twinge for something more.
even though you ain't mine, i promise the way we fight make me honestly feel like we just in love 'cause baby, when push comes to shove damn baby, i'm a train wreck, too (too) i lose my mind when it comes to you i take time with the ones I choose and I don't want to smile if it ain't from you, yeah
the sun streams through quinns open curtains, blinding him momentarily as his eyes adjust to the morning light. when everything comes into focus the first thing he notices is your figure curled up on the other side of his bed like a cat. quinn stretches and despite the brief disturbance your eyes stay firmly closed.
downstairs the house was a mess. empty bottles and cups littered the wood floors and empty food wrappers crinkle uncomfortably under quinns tired feet.
"morning," jack says as soon as his older brother steps into the dimly lit kitchen. jacks sandy hair is tousled and if his undereye bags were any indication of how he was feeling... it was clear that he was unwell.
"you look like shit," quinn chuckles as he tosses jack a bottle of aspirin.
"gee, thanks." jack rolls his eyes but pops a pill nonetheless.
quinn fixes himself some toast and the two brothers sit in comfortable silence.
"where's yn," jack asks, nursing a yellow gatorade.
"sleeping,"
jack hums in acknowledgement. he stares inquisitively at his brother - silently hinting at what's going on between the blurred lines of quinns and yns relationship, but quinn ignores him.
i know we be so complicated lovin' you sometime drive me crazy 'cause i can't have what I want and neither can you
late the next afternoon after tirelessly scrubbing down the floors and tossing out empty cans, the group of hockey players and friends make their way onto the lake.
as always, quinn drives and docks the boat in the middle of the lake so the group could swim and yn could suntan on the hard, white seats of the boat.
quinn wasnt an idiot. he knew that his best friend was hot. the stolen glances and not-so-subtle double takes weren't lost on him as his friends ogled her. she was undeniably gorgeous and someday their relationship wouldn't be enough anymore. she would eventually want more, and quinn wasn't sure he'd be able to give her a relationship she deserved from two thousand miles away.
you ain't my boyfriend (boyfriend) and i ain't your girlfriend (girlfriend) but you don't want me to see nobody else and i don't want you to see nobody
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"what's the deal with yn and quinn anyway? have they always been so... intense?" alexander holtz asks between shooting pool.
jack sighs, "yeah theyre always like that. i wish they'd just get over whatever they've got going on and get together already. its honestly painful to watch," jack jokes tensely.
alex tuts, "i wish she were available"
another guy hums, "she's a total smoke show,"
"ew, shes like our sister," luke pipes up.
"your sister maybe," someone laughs. "she ain't mine,"
quinn silently turns away from the rec room to find you.
but you ain't my boyfriend (boyfriend) and i ain't your girlfriend (girlfriend) but you don't want me to touch nobody else baby, we ain't gotta tell nobody
"hey," you smile sweetly at quinns presence. he stares at you simply before sitting down on the decksteps next to you. he frowns when you set your book down beside you and you press your knee to his in an attempt to calm him. "what's wrong?"
quinn sighs deeply. "i just - i dont know. what are we doing?"
"what do you mean?" you ask even though you know where this conversation is heading.
quinn gestures between the two of you, "we've... things are different now,"
"i don't know what you're talking about," you say, genuinely taken off guard. "if this is about the party...?"
"we'd be an awful couple," quinn cuts in.
"who called us a couple?,"
"look, you're going to want more eventually and-"
you scoff. "are you going to actually talk to me? because i'm fine with out arrangement," you lie.
quinn stares at you with an unreadable expression. "look, it's not going to work"
"did the guys say something to you?" you bite. you reach your hand out to quinn but he pushes it away.
"no. i just don't think us being... involved... is a good idea anymore,"
"'involved'" you say sarcastically. you've been hooking up for three years now.
quinn stands up suddenly, "yeah. it's over - i'm over it,"
"okay?" youre defiant. "don't come begging to me when you see me with another guy - or when you need a quick lay. god, youre such an asshole!"
i wanna kiss you (yeah), don't wanna miss you (yeah) but i can't be with you 'cause i got issues yeah, on the surface, seem like it's easy careful with words, but it's still hard to read me
quinn didn't know why he shut everything down. he didn't want to - not really anyway. it was all so stupid and he shouldn't have reacted at all.
Stress high when the trust low (mmm) Bad vibes, where'd the fun go? (Oh) Try to open up and love more (love more) Try to open up and love more
the two friends move around each other awkwardly and the tension in the house was palpable. you start to skip out on summer activities, and quinn no longer seems to enjoy driving out into the lake when you were no longer sitting by his side. everything felt wrong.
If you were my boyfriend If you were my girlfriend I probably wouldn't see nobody else But I can't guarantee that by myself
"you know what, i'm glad we decided to all us quits. you were totally right! we wouldnt have made a good couple - you probably wouldnt have stopped seeing other people," your tone is scorching as you finally catch quinn alone.
"yeah well considering your track record you'd probably have gotten with somebody else before i even boarded my flight back to van," quinns quick to defend himself - leaving you reeling.
"what the fuck are you talking about?" you seethe, letting all your emotions wash over you at once.
"alex, that guy from u of m, the fucking football player!" quinn stresses the names of the last two, knowing those were the guys you hooked up while you were both at school.
you throw your arms up in the air, "you are such a hypocrite! do you know that? like seriously. lets not go tit for tat here quinn because trust i'll win every time,"
"everything always a game with you,"
you stare at him blankly. "what are we doing then? you told me the jealously was fun, you were the one who led me to your bed last week! you didn't want to get into a relationship in a first place!"
"so did you! don't spin this back on me!"
"i never said that!" you yell, "and i never got with alex,"
You ain't my boyfriend (boyfriend, you ain't my boyfriend) And I ain't your girlfriend (girlfriend, I ain't your girlfriend) But you don't want me to see nobody else (nobody) And I don't want you to see nobody
"you might as well be," quinn tries to bait you but you dont respond.
tears well up in your eyes, "you said you didn't see us being in an actual relationship"
at the sight of your tears quinn starts to backtrack. "im sorry-"
"no, i started all this," you say, wiping away your tears with the back of your sleeve. "i'm sorry for getting mad at you - i'm done,"
"what do you mean youre done?" quinn responds, following behind you as you walk back into the lake house. as soon as the sliding door slams shut heads turn towards the two of you.
"you said you were done and i agree," you say simply, tears threatening to spill over as you catch sight of luke staring at you in confusion.
without another word you storm up the stairs and begin packing your suitcase.
But you ain't my boyfriend (boyfriend, you know you ain't my boyfriend) And I ain't your girlfriend (girlfriend, yeah, mmm) But you don't want me to touch nobody else (nobody) Baby, we ain't gotta tell nobody (oh yeah)
your hands grip the steering wheel tightly as you drive the fifteen minute trip to your parents house. it was over, finally over between the two of you.
You ain't my boyfriend (boyfriend) And I ain't your girlfriend (girlfriend) But you don't want me to see nobody else And I don't want you to see nobody
a week went by, and everybody presses quinn on why you left.
"i don't know guys, stop asking me about it," his answer stays the same, although his undereyes get considerably darker as the days go by.
But you ain't my boyfriend (boyfriend) And I ain't your girlfriend (girlfriend, yeah) But you don't want me to touch nobody else (nobody) Baby, we ain't gotta tell nobody
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yourusername baby loves 🎧
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yourfriend baby loves im tryna talk to youuuuu
yourusername theres a boy ! and i dont quite know... what to dooo
_alexturcotte stunner ⚑️
user01 did u and quinn have a fight or something ? why did u guys unfollow each other lololll
user05 literal princess !!!
user11 quinn unfollowed and alex commenting... πŸ‘€
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trevorzegras #Aesthetic
user08 no mention of yn... were cooked
user15 first summer photo numb in yearrrssss where yn didnt make a feature... πŸ«£πŸ‘€
β”€β”€β”€β”€ΰ­¨ΰ§Žβ”€β”€β”€β”€ ended insanely abruptly but i wanted to post something for u guys today😭
β”€β”€β”€β”€ΰ­¨ΰ§Žβ”€β”€β”€β”€
β”€β”€β”€β”€ΰ­¨ΰ§Žβ”€β”€β”€β”€
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likedovesinthewindd Β· 2 days
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can u write something where reader and art have an argument but then after a while they make up with some you know πŸ˜›πŸ˜›πŸ˜›πŸ˜› do whatever u what with this
The two of you have barely been on speaking terms, and your one word responses and avoidance were beginning to eat at Art. He wasn't used to you being this angry at him for this long, and the silent treatment was already moving on to its second day.
He could barely remember what the argument was initially about, but he knew he said some things in the heat of the moment that definitely weren't necessary, and he wished he could take it all back the second he could see the hurt in your eyes. He longed to hear your voice again. To hear you laugh and to touch you again, so by the third day, he had decided he was going to win your forgiveness by any means necessary.
That evening, he finds you cooking in the kitchen when he returns from practice, quietly stirring at a pot as your head gently nods to the music softly playing from the radio you keep in the kitchen. He comes up behind you, pressing a kiss to the side of your neck as he wraps his arms around you and greets you. You hum a half-hearted greeting, attention still on the task at hand.
"How was practice?" you ask, and for a moment he gets excited, thinking maybe this was your way of finally raising the white flag, but you still don't look at him as you speak and keep stirring at the pot. He realizes you're only asking him out of courtesy. "It was alright," he spoke softly, warm breath tickling your neck as you felt his hands grab at the fat of your hips. "Missed you though," he tries, mouth now planting kisses to the side of your neck and down the expanse of skin.
You try to act unfazed by his attention, but you could already feel the fuzzy heat in your lower tummy as his strong hands grab at you almost hungrily. Still, you keep up a front and only give an incredulous hum at his words. "You still mad at me?" he asks, and you shrug. In response, his hands continue their journey, rubbing over your stomach as he gets a feel of the silk of your nightie.
"I'm sorry for what I said, sweetheart," he finally says, one hand underneath your right breast as the other rested on your lower stomach. He places a few more kisses in the dip of your shoulder.
"You said some really mean things, Art," you say, sparing him a look over his shoulder, and his sad eyes almost make you fold completely, relief washing over his features when you finally look at him. "I know, and I feel awful," he quickly replies, his grip on you tightening as if he's afraid you'll dissappear.
"I wanna make it up to you," he says softly, "wanna show you how sorry I am."
His voice sends a chill down your spine, your grip on the wooden spoon and pot handle tightening before you leave both. You turn down the dial on the stove before turning around in Art's grip. He holds you closer, hands rubbing at your back as your hands hold onto his face. He looks absolutely ruined, eyes wet and pleading like a kicked puppy. Your thumbs rub over the apples of his cheek softly.
"Make it up to me, Art," you breathe softly and like that he's on you.
Not long after the words leave your mouth, you're in your shared bedroom, your legs wrapped tightly around Art's lithe waist as he fucked you into the mattress. He's hitting that spot every time he bottoms out, making your legs shake and your eyes roll into the back of your head as your breathy moans fill the room. "So fuckin pretty," Art whines as he looks down at you, words slurred together as he watches the way your tits bounce with each thrust. "C'mon sweetheart, wanna see you cum."
You moan at his words, nodding dumbly as you feel the liquid heat pooling in your lower tummy. "I'm so close, baby. I'm gonna cum," you moan and he doubles his efforts, hand moving down your body to rub your throbbing clit. A few swipes of his fingers paired with thrusts deep enough to knock your breath away and you're cumming hard, vision blurring as your mouth opens in a silent moan before a low whine leaves your mouth. Art's not far behind, giving a few uneven thrusts before he's pulling out and cumming all over your stomach and tits.
He immediately kisses at your warmly flushed face, waiting as you catch your breath before his lips finally meet yours in a searing kiss that has you breathless once again. He pulls away and looks down at your fucked face, a sheen of sweat covering your body. "Am I forgiven?" he asks softly, and you give him a warm smile, nodding before pulling him into another kiss.
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squinch-depraved Β· 2 days
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Jschlatt. But Y/N is being a brat. Thank you for your time. Have a good day.
okok you sweet thing thank you for your patience here we go
CW: killing bugs, aggressive facefucking, he smacks you once but its chill i swear
you had only agreed to a camping trip because you thought you would get to eat s'mores. but you were thoroughly disappointed when tucker forgot the marshmallows, crossing your arms and leaning back on the log you were sitting on with a harrumph, shrieking when you spilled backwards onto the rough pine needles behind you. schlatt helped you up as you giggled, chuckling softly himself.
"i texted you five separate times about the damn marshmallows, tucker," ted spoke through gritted teeth, eyeing his childhood best friend angrily.
"oh, you mean the marshmallows that were your job in the first place? you got everything else for 'em, ted, chocolate, graham crackers, but somehow you forgot the marshmallows for s'mores and I'M the one at fault!" tucker responded, chucking the pinecone he was playing with down at the ground in front of him.
"sshhhh!!" ted glanced at you, deep in a conversation with schlatt, and glared back at the man. "get up, let's walk down the trail to the general store and get some so we can have dessert," he grumbled, standing up and extending down his hand to help steady tucker as he followed suit.
the two men let you and schlatt know where they were going before heading a few dozen yards away to the rv where tucker and emma were sleeping to invite her along. she agreed and they set off, the couple holding hands and listening intently while ted made theatrical hand gestures and explained whatever tangent he was on.
it was quiet for a bit after ted's voice faded away, only the crackling fire punctuating the comfortable silence between you two, and schlatt tended to it solemnly, occasionally adding more wood to keep it big enough to last until they would return. he figured they'd be gone an hour and flicked his eyes to look at you about five minutes in.
you were still on your back, legs draped over the log you fell off, staring up at the brightest stars beginning to appear in the sky as dusk began to fall. he thought you looked angelic, and he startled you when he cleared his throat to speak.
"sorry," he started, shifting to face you more from his seat above you at the picnic table.
"you're good," you mumbled as you shook your head slightly, training your eyes back on the moon high above you.
"do you know if ted was kidding when he said we only have one tent?"
you laughed, remembering the sleeping arrangements, and shook your head. "do you see another one besides the one we have up?" you gestured broadly behind you somewhere, and, sure enough, schlatt saw a rather large rounded tent a small distance away.
he groaned and squashed a beetle on the ground with his boot, grinding the toe into the earth and smearing the bug beneath him. "i shouldn't have agreed to this," he complained. "two dudes above 6 foot in a tent plus you? no offense, toots, but we're not gonna all fit."
you sat up in shock, not at what he said, but at your clear view of his cruelty towards the feeble creature whose home he was invading. "why would you do that??" you shouted at him, weakly grabbing at his ankle and trying to move his foot by force. he picked his foot up and swiftly yet relatively gently shoved you in the chest with it, planting you on the ground once again.
"the fuck are you doin'?" he laughed mockingly. "it was just a bug, y/n, relax." he said it with a cruel smile and turned away to tend the fire pit. you growled quietly in frustration and sat up again, climbing to sit on the surface of the picnic table so you were almost eye-level with the tall man when he turned back to face you. you were quiet, apparently, and he hadn't heard you moving, so when he saw you there, he let out an embarrassing noise at the jumpscare and immediately began pretending it was something in the woods.
"no, i think that was actually a, um. a creature in the wilderness or something," he fumbled when you asked, sniffing his mustache a few times.
you continued to make fun of him, laughing at his stupid jokes and handing him small sticks to add to the burning pile. when he asked you to hand him his drink, just a few feet to your left, though, you said, "no."
he turned around slowly to look at you after adjusting the fire, as if giving you one final chance to pass it to him. "not askin' for much, toots," he warned.
"i don't feel like not killing bugs is asking for much, but here we are," you yawned. it was getting darker now, maybe 20 minutes had gone by since the rest of your friends had left. "reach for it yourself."
he sighed and grabbed the drink, taking a long sip of whatever he and tucker had concocted while ted, emma, and you worked on dinner. it was quiet for what you thought was almost too long before he spoke.
"are you gonna keep givin' me trouble all night?" it sounded more like a threat than a question. he was still facing the fire, watching the smoke, and you couldn't help but flush at his words.
"i dunno, depends what my prize would be," you teased as you slowly walked two fingers up his back. he shivered and whipped around, grabbing your hand so tight it hurt.
"don't do that, you don't get to pull that cutesy shit after bein' a bitch earlier," he chided down at you. "and i know you'll enjoy hearing what i'd do to you, you stupid whore, so i'm not gonna say anything. but i also know you're just gonna keep pushin' til you find out."
you moaned and bit your lip unknowingly, blinking up at him. he groaned in a mixture of disgust and attraction as he dropped your wrist and turned away.
after minutes of schlatt just tending to the fire, ignoring your increasingly desperate attempts to capture his attention again, you saw a beetle similar to the one he killed earlier crawling on the table an arm's reach from you. a wicked smile spread across your face before you composed yourself and reached down to coax it onto your finger.
quickly and quietly, you guided the little creature onto his shoulder and tapped him, stifling a laugh. he turned, huffing, an annoyed expression adorning his face, and jumped slightly when he saw the bug. for the second time that night, he shrieked, and he swatted frantically at his shoulder blade as you cackled at him.
"you stupid bitch!" he laughed incredulously when he was sure it was gone, turning around fully to tower over you. he put his arms on either side of you and leaned in, breath reeking of whiskey hot on your face as he spat his words at you through gritted teeth. "i'm gonna give you one last warning before i fucking ruin you."
he usually wasn't this patient! you smiled coyly at him and ran your hand across the top of his thigh featherlight, mimicking a skittering spider. his leg twitched and he looked at you, dumbfounded by your blatant desire to piss him off. your smile only got bigger after a moment when he rolled his eyes and smacked you playfully before turning to check the fire was still safe. he didn't know how long he had before your friends got back anymore, and he was going to have to take the risk of being caught if he was to punish you like he wanted.
he gestured for you to get off the table and sat down himself, facing outwards and gesturing for you to kneel between his legs. he looked like a god from this angle, chops framing his face perfectly; the firelight cast a glow on him that just called for you to worship at his feet. you shifted your legs underneath you on the cold ground in an attempt to get some friction at the sight of him undoing his pants and pulling out his cock, but he quickly snapped his fingers and pointed at his crotch before saying, "now. choke on it, doll."
you smiled slightly, shaking your head. unfortunately for you, schlatt was done with your little game. "not fuckin' playin' anymore, you stupid hole, i can be mean if that's what you really want. last chance," he almost pleaded. he was really scared of going too hard with you in the middle of the woods and not being able to get you help if needed.
you stuck your tongue out at him and he grunted, shaking his head as he grabbed you by your hair and shoved your head down his entire length. he used your head like a fleshlight, guiltily reveling in the sloppy noises your lips were making, along with the occasional whimper and moanβ€” and don't get him started on the tears that fell from your eyes as you blinked up at him, those would be something he pictured every time he was by himself for years to come.
"god, toots, i should really plug your mouth up with my cock more often, huh?" schlatt let his head fall back and gripped your hair tighter when he felt you nod with him still in your mouth. he scoffed and peeked at the fire again. "yeah, you love this shit. you lil' whore," he mumbled.
in addition to slamming your mouth up and down on his shaft, he began fucking up into your throat, grunting rhythmically with every thrust after a bit. your throat was incredibly sore, but you were the one that asked for this, so you couldn't complain.
schlatt's groans echoed off the trees, and the nightlife of the forest sang in symphony with him as the dark settled over the campsite. "god, y/n, fuck," he panted, staring up at the universe above him. he wasn't sure if the stars were real or from how good you were making him feel.
but, since all good things must come to an end, schlatt froze when he heard ted's voice coming back from what he thought was a good distance away. "fuck," he muttered. he tried to pull you off but you continued to lick and suck his tip. "fuckin' stop that, y/n! i'm serious, they're almost here," he scolded.
"dude, we already saw! you're the only light source for like several hundred yards! it's cool though, take your time!" tucker called from the rv.
a faint, "dude!" and a smack was heard, followed by laughter. you grinned up at schlatt, who looked mortified, and stood up while he put himself back in his pants.
"come over here with my marshmallows, guys! i was promised s'mores!"
ilyyy thank you for your patience part two should be up sometime in the next few days mwahhhh
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gracies-baby Β· 2 days
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this account is the reason i am on tumblr fr. could you do one where audrey and abby are plotting to get gracie and y/n together but theyre already together and audrey and abby either see them kissing or bump into them on a date or something
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Monopoly
(Gracie Abrams x Reader)
I’m so sorry this took so long 😭
β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”
"What're you smiling at?" Audrey teases her friend when she sees her smiling at her phone.
"Nothing. It doesn't matter" Gracie replies as she puts her phone down to face her best friend.
"Nothing wouldn't happen to be coming over today, would she? Me and Abby decided we should talk to her. We know you're never gonna make the first move so we're just gonna have to convince Y/n to like jump on you or something" Audrey smirks as she watches her roommates face turn red.
"Ew Audrey! What the fuck?!" The brunette groans as she walks to the kitchen.
"Don't act like you wouldn't love that!" Audrey teases before walking back to her room.
--
"Hey!" Gracie exclaims as she answers the door to see Abby and Y/n on the other side. She steps aside to let the other two girls in. Abby greets her cousin before walking to the kitchen to find something to eat, leaving the other two girls alone.
"Hi, I missed you" Y/n smiles as she quickly leans up to press a quick peck against the brunette's lips.
"I definitely missed you more. Audrey thinks I've got a crush on you by the way. She won't stop bugging me about it" Gracie replies as she looks around to make sure neither of the other two could hear them.
"Well, is she wrong? Abby thinks I've got a crush on you too. She keeps telling me stories about you as a kid by the way. Did you really rip the heads off all her dolls?" Y/n asks as she walks further into the apartment to sit on the couch.
"She was being a bitch. I wouldn't have done it if she didn't deserve it" Gracie replies, wrapping her arm around her girlfriend's shoulders, allowing Y/n to rest her head on her shoulder.
"You seem like you were a mean kid. I don't think we would've gotten along" Y/n jokes as Gracie scoffs jokingly.
"I wasn't mean! Abby was just annoying. She would always cheat at games. One time, we got into a big fight over monopoly and my mom said we weren't allowed to play anymore. We haven't played it since then"
"She still cheats at games. We should play monopoly tonight. I wanna see you being competitive" Y/n replies as she moves away from the brunette, seeing Audrey walk in.
"Gracie's always competitive. The other day, she threw my phone across the room because I beat her at Scrabble" Audrey tells her as she sits on the chair next to the couch.
"You definitely cheated. I would've won if you hadn't cheated" Gracie grumbles as she turns her eyes to the TV.
"Gracie, not everyone cheats at games. Maybe you're just not as good as you think you are" Y/n replies causing the brunette to jokingly glare at her before Abby walks in.
"Yeah, she kinda sucks at games honestly. She only thinks she's good because she always beat Henry and August but that's only because they suck even more" Abby teases as she takes a seat next to Y/n on the couch.
"Fine, lets play monopoly then. I'm gonna kick all your asses" Gracie grumbles as they all go to sit at the table.
--
"You need to pay!" Gracie yells at her cousin when she lands on her property.
"No I don't! You didn't even pay for the property! You just took the card" Abby yells back as she covers her money, making sure the brunette can't steal it.
"Y/n, tell her I paid for it!" The brunette asks the banker only to be interrupted by her cousin.
"Of course she's gonna side with you! You're her favorite!"
"Guys maybe we should stop playing-" Y/n tries to say only to be interrupted.
"I am not her favorite! You're her best friend and roommate! She would only side with me because I'm right" Gracie yells at her cousin before storming off to her room.
"That was.. intense" Y/n says as she begins packing up the game.
"Well, Gracie did tell you we weren't allowed to play. Now you know why" Abby replies before getting an idea.
"You should go follow her. Me and Audrey can finish packing up"
"Are you sure? It's just a game. I think she'll be okay"
"Just go. You would definitely cheer her up" Y/n agrees before walking to her girlfriend's room and closing the door behind her.
"Are you okay? I'm sorry, we shouldn't have played" Y/n tells her girlfriend as she takes a seat next to her on her bed before leaning her head on her shoulder.
"It's not your fault. Now you know why I broke her dolls" Gracie replies as she lays down on the bed, bringing Y/n with her and allowing her to rest her head on her chest.
"By the way, you're definitely my favorite. I love Abby but she's got nothing on you" Gracie smiles before leaning down to connect their lips. Y/n sighs into the kiss before Gracie moves to lay on top of her girlfriend so she can deepen the kiss. Just when she's about to take the other girls shirt off, the door opens causing them to jump away.
"Don't you two know how to knock?!" Gracie exclaims while Y/n lays on the bed in shock.
"How were we supposed to know you two were sucking face in here?! When did this start?!" Audrey replies with a big smile on her face.
"Around 3 months" Gracie tells them while Abby and Audrey begin to glare at the other two girls.
"So this whole time we've been trying to get you two together, you already were? Why didn't you tell us!" Abby asks.
"It's just been kinda fun sneaking around. Besides, you two would always leave us alone for hours trying to get us to confess and the alone time was kinda nice" Y/n speaks up for the first time since the other two girls walked in.
"Do you know how much I was panicking when you came home the other night with a hickey? I thought you were with some random girl! It would've completely ruined my plans" Abby tells her roommate while Y/n grins at her sheepishly.
"I'm so happy you two are together but if you ever have sex anywhere other than one of your beds, you're both getting kicked out 'cause we don't wanna deal with that" Audrey tells the both while Gracie and Y/n both look away with guilty looks on their faces.
"What the fucks wrong with you guys?!"
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shadowuponstorm Β· 3 days
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You're Gonna Get Us in Trouble
Reader is the newest member of the 118 and is a huge rule follower. So what happens when her secret relationship almost comes to light when a certain Diaz can't keep his hands off of her? Oh, did I mention that the reader is Bobby Nash's niece?
I'm not sure if this should be a warning, there are some spicy sentences (regarding f!oral receiving and squeezing of the ass), but they don't qualify this as smut fanfic, in my opinion! If I'm thinking incorrectly, please tell me in the comments or message me.
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I woke up to the sound of my phone vibrating on the nightstand. Reaching my hand over, I turn the phone towards me to see the contact name, "Uncle Bobby," taking over the whole screen. I silently curse before answering with a "Morning, Uncle Bobby. Did you need something?"
"Sorry to be waking you up before shift, but I was wondering if you could run by the store to grab some essentials for me," Bobby says as I feel the other body beside me starting to move.
"Yeah, sure. Do you have a list?" I asked as I felt a pair of lips kissing a trail behind my ear and then stopping at the one spot that makes me shiver, "Actually, can you text it to me? I still got sleep on my mind to remember all of it."
Once Bobby told me that was completely fine, I hung up the phone after we exchanged love you. I turned to face Eddie and slapped him on his bare shoulder before scolding him, "He could've heard you!"
"It was worth the risk," Eddie said as he leaned closer to kiss me, "When are we eventually going to tell people?"
"It's bad enough that he keeps overhearing Buck talk about the bruises on my neck. It's going to become worse if he finds out I'm dating one of his 'boys' after he warned me not to," I respond as I sighed before telling Eddie it will be soon.
Eddie and I have been dating for six months, which has been the best months of my life. He has all the qualities that make him amazing, sweet, funny, always knows how to take care of me when the situation calls for it, and he's attentive.
"Amor, keeping us a secret has to be eating away at you. It can't be good for you," Eddie whispered as I remind him how I'm a follower and nobody expects me to start bending the rules just because I'm dating a fellow firefighter, "Well, I've got an idea that will help keep your mind off of it."
"Edmundo, no, we only have 15 minutes before we have to report for a shift," I said as Eddie smirked before pushing up the shirt I was wearing, making my lace panties come into view.
"I only need 8 of those minutes," Eddie whispered while his head disappeared under the covers as his fingers trailed my underwear down my legs before moving them back up to spread my folds.
"Eddie-" I started to laugh before letting out a moan from feeling his tongue enter me and I run my hand through his hair before balling into a fist to pull at it, which in turns, makes him groan out into me.
Let’s just say, it took exactly 7 minutes and 20 seconds for Eddie to make me come from just his mouth. After I β€œfinished”, we got our showers, put on our uniforms, and left my apartment in our separate vehicles before he heads to the station while I head to the store.
β€œWow, your mystery man certainly is a leech,” I hear Buck shout as I rush over to him and slammed my hand over his mouth before telling him to shut the fuck up.
β€œIs this the same guy or a different one?” Howie asks as I explained to him that I’m not that type of girl, β€œI’m just saying, no judgment here. Buckaroo here knows what it’s like.”
β€œHey, come on, that was years ago! I’ve now since quit that,” Buck complains as I laugh and told him that I knew that he has since changed his ways.
I head over to my locker and started putting my stuff in there before I feel someone tap my shoulder and whisper, β€œWhy is Diaz on your shirt?”
β€œWait what?” I asked in a panic as I try to look in a mirror before I hear Hen laughing and I groaned before saying β€œReal funny, Hen.”
Hen is the only one who knows about mine and Eddie’s relationship, since she caught the two of us getting a little too close for comfort at an event for the department. Turns out, she has a bet going with most of the boys that Eddie and I would end up together so she offered to keep the secret if I help her win.
β€œSo, you were a little late this morning, I take Eddie took his sweet time?” Hen teases, making me laugh before explaining that Bobby called asking for me to grab some essential for lunch or dinner, β€œWait, did Bobby hear him?”
"Almost, can you imagine how embarrassing it would be if my uncle has heard his niece β€˜getting some loving’?” I said as Hen snickers and starts to laugh before I smack her arm, harshly whispering, β€œIt’s not that funny!”
β€œWhat’s not funny?” I hear Uncle Bobby asked, so I swiftly responded nothing before he gives me and Hen a concerned look.
β€œShe was just telling me about how she’s embarrassed she burnt herself with the curling iron again,” Hen responds as Bobby shook his head and said β€œYou’ve been getting quite a lot of those bruises lately, try to be careful next time alright?”
β€œOf course Uncle Bobby,” I told him as he walks away, before I turned my attention back to Hen, β€œI’m going to murder Eddie.”
Hen laughs again as she walks away towards upstairs, leaving me alone in the locker room. A few minutes go by before I hear the door open and footsteps enter.
β€œHola Amor,” I hear Eddie whisper in my ear as I feel his hand move down to my ass to squeeze it.
β€œEddie,” I warned him while I reached back and removed his hand, β€œYou’re gonna get us in trouble.”
Eddie then moves me around, facing him before putting his hands on my hips and whispering, β€œWith who? Everyone’s upstairs and we’re alone.”
β€œEven if they are upstairs, this room is like a glass house,” I whispered back as Eddie shook his head and leans in to give me a kiss.
β€œYou worry too much, maybe your uncle will be happy you finally found a handsome man who swept you off your feet,” Eddie says, making me smile, before he continues with, β€œAnd maybe he won’t be too mad that his two firefighters happen to be dating.”
β€œYou don’t understand how overprotective Bobby can get, especially about family,” I respond before sighing, β€œEver since he’s lost his wife and kids in that fire, he’s been beating himself up mentally. Heaven forbid, something happens to me, to Athena, to May, to Harry, to anyone in the fire family under his watch, I fear he’s could go back into that spiral that made him fall off the wagon.”
β€œWhile I can’t exactly say I’ve been in your shoes witnessing that part of Bobby, I do know what it’s like to be overprotective about someone you love,” Eddie says and before I could say I know he’s meaning Christopher, he continues, β€œI never told you this but before I was to re-enlist to provide money for Christopher’s medical bills, Shannon left us to go take care of her mother. She begged me to go with her, but all I was focusing on was making sure I could give Christopher everything he wanted or needed. She called me selfish for doing so.”
β€œEdmundo Diaz, nothing about you is selfish. Your son was born with complications and has cerebral palsy so he’s bound to have medical expenses at some points of his life. That kid is so lucky to have you as his father and don’t forget, you had an army standing right behind you helping you out with whatever you needed while you were working various jobs to sustain a living,” I reminded him, which made him give me the biggest smile I’ve ever gotten from him, before he kisses me again, but this time with passion.
β€œDamn it!” We heard someone shout before we pulled apart and jerked our heads to the sound, Buck.
β€œPay up gentlemen,” Hen says as Eddie and I exited the locker room, β€œThanks to you two, I’m now $40 richer.”
β€œHow long has this been going on?” Chimney asks before glancing his eyes over to my uncle.
β€œAre you mad?” I asked, nervous for his reaction since like I told Eddie, he’s overprotective about family.
Bobby then starts making his way downstairs and walks toward me before pulling me into a bear hug.
β€œThere is no way I could be mad about my niece being happy with the man she loves,” Bobby says before I squeezed him back, β€œBut really, how long have you two been together?”
β€œ6 months,” Eddie and I both said before Buck asked if Christopher knows, which prompts Eddie to answer with, β€œHe knows, he’s been very excited about the two of us.”
β€œWhen did you tell him?” I asked, curious how Christopher has managed to keep the secret.
β€œHe actually drew a picture of the three of us and when I asked him why he included you, he said you were like a second mom to him. Always there when he needed you or there if he wants to talk to you. He also had suspicions when he saw my contact name for you on my phone,” Eddie responds, making me laugh before I ask him what it is.
Eddie takes his phone out of his pocket and pulls up the contacts before scrolling to the name he has for me, which made my heart melt.
β€œMi Amor Por Siempre, which translates to β€˜My Love Forever’ in English,” Eddie explains as I try not to cry about the meaning in front of everyone.
β€œI wonder what your contact name is for him,” Buck pipes up as I laugh at the random outburst.
β€œMi Soldado, my soldier,” I said, making Buck confused and he then asked me if it would’ve made more sense for it to be my firefighter, β€œEddie may be a firefighter, but he was a soldier first. Still is even if he’s in a different profession, he soldiered through single parenthood, war, and especially soldiered through fire. I couldn’t be any more prouder of him.”
β€œNow you two are perfect for one another,” Hen says as Eddie dips me and kisses me, making everyone hoot and holler at the scene.
Suddenly the alarm rang and the voice came on to tell us where we were needed. While everyone is hustling and bustling to get ready to leave the station, Eddie whispered, β€œThat wasn’t too bad, was it?”
I smiled before saying, β€œDefinitely not,” as I put my hand in his and we start racing toward the truck, with not a care in the world who’s watching us be in love anymore.
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breelandwalker Β· 6 days
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Me: -checking my inbox after being sick all week-
Rando In My Inbox: OMG LAY OFF THE POLITICS AND STICK TO WITCHCRAFT, YOU'RE A WITCH BLOG NOT A POLITICO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE COMPLEXITIES OF-.....
Me, already blocking and reporting: Welp. Found the fascist trollbot. Or a straight up eejit. Either way. Byeeee.
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suffercerebral Β· 4 months
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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exsqueezememacaroni Β· 6 days
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listening to the mike and andrew clarke convo AGAIN while i do emails and shit and...
i don't WANT to call Mike's restaurant preferences mid...but.....every time i listen to this interview/conversation i can't help but feel that andrew is trying to school him a little on how food culture, and his (andrew's) own food sensibilities have progressed...
i am always listening to this in the background, so there is a high possibility that i am missing something...
edit (read the tags): selfie me at Hoppers in Kings Cross!
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dogearedheart Β· 2 months
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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)
#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to#i don't want to make people uncomfortable#and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane#it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions#and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any#of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you#it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done#such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical#and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt#of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything#i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not#visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness#is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow#i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace#i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie#life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do#this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals#and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting#them that was never my intention. i promise#so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about#you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to#navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate#the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people#not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too#I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking#brain of mine.
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inkskinned Β· 1 year
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hey btw if you're in the USA at Β 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.
if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.
additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.
i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."
"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.
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bigcats-birds-and-books Β· 5 months
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Books of 2024: KILLING FLOOR by Lee Child.
This isn't a genre I typically read; HOWEVER!: my dream agent was on an episode of the Writing Excuses podcast about beginnings, and they said this one is Very Good, so I borrowed my dad's paperback copy to give it a whirl.
I'm low-key hoping this will help me sort out some Genre Issuesβ„’ I suspect I'm having with a writing project, too, which is a nice added bonus! Excited to see how this goes.
#books#books of 2024#killing floor#lee child#jack reacher#i think i used to read more stuff Like This in high school??#because it's my dad's big genre and he'd let me borrow books lmao#but i think i drifted away from it because i found out there was other weirder shit going on in different genre corners#and i love weird funny fucked up shit#no shade on the thriller genre it's just not something i've read much of lately!#this will be Good For Me haha#and yeah okay dongwon and MRK talking about it made me more likely to pick it up than my dad at this stage of my life#but he still had a copy so now i have a copy (borrowed) :)#don't get me started on the 'does this mean we can reopen book borrowing' convo he wants to have tho#like no sir you wrecked my paperback LOCKE LAMORA and i'm still salty about it#because you didn't care about it#and you think storing books in our dank-ass basement is taking care of them and it's NOT#we have different standards of care and you don't meet mine#and you eat in bed all the time and i don't want your greasy ass hands on my books >:(#so i don't FEEL like it's hypocrisy not to want to share#but did i look at HPB and B&N for copies of this because of that?? yes yes i did.#i did not find a used copy i was willing to pay $4 for#and i sure as hell wasn't gonna pay $10 for it new so.....#borrowed here#library was my next stop but. he found it.#ANYWAY#i'm gonna log off and go read past the first page i think#(oh sidenote the Genre Issues are:#aw#lucius
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bsaka7 Β· 3 months
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i can't believe i like kale now. I'VE HATED IT FOR SO MANY YEARS!!!!!
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kittlyns Β· 5 months
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I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day
#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute#so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back.#pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few.#over and over and over.#and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick.#and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much#but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment.#which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow?#even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it#she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan#I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!!#no response. deep inhale. alright.#whatever tho.#when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning#and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area.#and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell#like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color.#I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH???#and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine.#there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him#and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times.#there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously.#I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out#was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do.#got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night.#put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over#blahhhhhh#and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
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transmechanicus Β· 2 years
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It is sunday night. I remain exhausted.
#my stuff#i tried everything this weekend and nothing is healing my Existential Ambivalence#like i know i cooked and i saw friends and i did my hobbies and normally i'd be proud of myself for all that but i just...don't care#i wanna call out sick or something tomorrow. I'm worried about my finances and i genuinely think im gonna have to move somewhere cheaper#like i was expecting my tax return to offset the slow bleed of money from my savings each month and that Is Not Happening#And its not like i have any way to Make More Money#bc im a grad student and we're contractually prevented from doing so#So that means i'll need to move when my lease is up this summer and i really don't fucking want to#i like where i live i just wish it wasn't so goddamn expensive on rent#even like $200 cheaper would be world changing for me#but no instead i gotta look at my bills after power and car insurance and food and be like oops guess i lost $100 this month#and god forbid i get coffee or eat out in the cheapest way possible bc somehow that adds up to like $100 the second i look away#im sick of being anxious about this!! im not eating enough as it is!!#i also don't wanna get a fucking roommate bc i don't want someone in a space i've come to consider my own#like sorry but im transgender do not fucking look at me stranger#so the only real solution is to move and that's such a fucking hassle and it doesn't solve the problem now and i just want this to get bettr#i wish all students a very $2000 raise forever#and all landlords a very Scrooge Moment that makes you cut my rent in half#ave omnissiah
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autistic-shaiapouf Β· 9 months
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Okay okay so. Thinking.
I've mapped out how I want to pay off my credit cards, which means I'll only be getting new stuff pretty sporadically, which means I need to appreciate the zero cost things in my life, like:
- the 2.5 foot tall stack of unread books I have
- the violin I might finally actually pick up again
- the 500+ drawing prompts I've been hoarding
- the list of anime I still need to watch
- the 3000+ songs in my watch later playlist
- the stickers I've been neglecting to cut
- yarn??? I have a lot of yarn
- all the pink fabric leftover from moth cosplay
- the candles and incense I also already have
In short, time to actually use the stuff that I have 😭
#though. i do want one more candle. they're putting minty smells in the winter ones and it smells cold#i need a cold smelling candle that is warm and on fire i just need that very strange contrast#but yeah!! will spend a little testing out acrylic charms but for the most part#we're gonna hang out at home for a while and express gratitude or whatever lmao#okay but i think it will actually be nice to start getting through all those books skjfkdkd#and to watch the bigger name anime to actually see them lmao; saw a lot at the con i recognized but hadn't actually watched#and also my music!! all my music bc i am clinically insane about music; miku playlist advancement...#this isn't even touching on the games i have now ksjfkf if either of you are reading this πŸ‘€ i still wanna get yall something#and I'm planning the exact day i wanna do it 😀#but yeah I'm thinking it over and am like. oh boy time for self improvement skjdkfkf#also finances will get easier bc im not ubering all over and I'm not seeing docs for my stomach now that the ulcer has been resolved#i made back half of what i spent getting the car in only 4 months and that feels good to see#it's still gonna be some hard work but we're gonna make it; I'm also highballing one of the cards#the hotel put a damages hold on my card and my math factors that in; they said that money would go back to me in 5 or so#business days so that'll be a little less to be concerned with; I'll still try to pay what numbers i found though#do it faster and do it better and idk what the fuck I'll do with the cards bc. 30% apr...........#idk i could get groceries with them and then pay them off? take that credit score you'll just eat that shit up won't you..#surprisingly my credit score hasn't taken any super ugly hits from this and i aim to keep it that way lmao#anyways. that's a lot of words to say that i want to actually use my stuff lmao#shai speaks
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