#I was gonna film then got self conscious

[nico-di-genova]

Things from Garrett’s panel at Megacon:

Said he crashes on Charlie’s Hunnam’s couch and that Charlie was the main motivator behind him starting to go to conventions.

Also explained he and Charlie are each others biggest supporters. Roles they audition for will usually come down to him, Charlie or some other guy. He said he and Charlie always hope one of them gets it, but it usually always ends up going to the other guy.

Joked about feeling inadequate compared to Charlie, because Charlie had shirtless photos at his booth that fans could get signed. Their booths were right next to each other too, so he said he was always looking over and just seeing the pictures.

Talked about filming Triple Frontier, and how the other guys would get to go out and relax on the beach (“Oscar Isaac is out there shirtless and sipping from a drink with a little umbrella in it”) while he was practicing three hours a day for a Benny fight scene that ultimately got cut.

Still expressed how much he loved filming Triple Frontier, and getting to work with Ben Affleck, Oscar Isaac and Charlie.

Had the whole room laughing and giggling tbh, like he is actually so effortlessly funny.

Talked about how he’s fascinated by the beatnik generation, specifically Jack Kerouac and how he tried to get in character for his role in On the Road by road-tripping during his free time and trying to write in the beatnik style. He said he liked how freeing the writing from that era felt, like a free flow of thoughts. (So real for that tbh, I did like three presentations on the beatniks in high school because they are truly so intriguing)

Talked about Tim McGraw and how they met when Tim played his character’s dad in Friday Night Lights. Also talked about Rhodes (his son) a little bit and how Tim is Rhodes grandfather.

The last question of the Q&A portion was had he ever pulled from his own personal life in order to portray a character (specifically did him losing his father in real life impact how he portrayed Sam in Tron: Legacy). Garrett said no, that he tried to keep his personal life separate from the characters and tried not to entangle a role into personal matters. He also explained that Joseph Kosinski (Tron: Legacy director) fought Disney to keep Garrett’s contract open ended, so that he wouldn’t be tied down to filming while his father’s health was declining and could be with his family when he needed to be.

Stayed after a little bit, even when they were clearly trying to get him off the stage, to talk to fans and take pictures. He was like that all day tbh, very committed to giving each person their individual time and trying to connect with everyone.

[waklman]

Sweet Nothings

summary: you start to feel insecure in your relationship with bradley.

warnings: negative self talk. this blog is 18+.

word count: 1.4k

this is dedicated to anon who sent me down the bradley and babybear x taylor swift hole this is for you!!

something ‘bout you masterlist.

Late at night—when Bradley had too many beers running through his bloodstream, he’d whisper little reassurances in your ear. I like it when you take care of me. I love how silly you are. I want you forever. I love you. It was like he just knew you needed to hear it every so often. The pilot would be barely conscious whenever he said it—draped over your body like a weighted blanket, fighting against his doubled vision, just to drunkenly quell your insecurities.

And it wasn't often that you felt insecure—but it’s not like it didn’t happen either. 

You had always been conscious of the fact that your relationship with Bradley was different—different from ones he’s had before, different from other couples around you. It was different in the way you drove the Bronco while he sat as a passenger. It was different because you called him girly pet names that should be meant for you instead. It was different because you were the one who held the umbrella when it rained on you two. It was different because you didn’t have a collection of tight sundresses, or own a pair of those tall stilettos everyone your age wore, and you never put on much makeup for that matter. It was different because he was dating you. You were different. 

And because it’s been so long since Bradley went out with his team for drinks, the reminder of how different you were, started to feel suffocating. You found yourself wishing that he’d come stumbling home, cheeks flushed from alcohol just so you could hear him whisper sweet nothings to you, in his drunken state.

Weeks have passed since he last took a sip of beer. And over those past few weeks, the voices that rung into your head, in the form of all your ex-boyfriends' compiled complaints—started to grow louder and louder by the day. You knew it wasn’t fair to Bradley that you took up old criticisms you got from the past and pitted them against him, but it started to sound so true. 

Bradley wouldn’t want someone who acted like you. What Bradley would want is someone who was more serious. He wouldn't want someone who deflected with humor. He’d want someone normal—someone who could wear those flowy skirts that you couldn’t even imagine slipping your legs through. Why would Bradley want someone who owned the same stupid pair of levi's as him? Why would Bradley want you?  

So it dawns on you tonight, right as you’re sitting in his lap watching the film, A Bugs’ life in your living room—that maybe, he changed his mind about this—about you. 

“Babybear, why are you cryin’ so hard—he found where he belonged!” Bradley lightly laughs, giving the back of your head a soft pat as you bury your face into his neck.

That ant might’ve found where he belonged, but you didn’t. You didn’t belong anywhere. You didn’t belong with him. 

Bradley allots you some time to process the ending of the movie. But as your sobs show no sign of stopping—he starts to feel uneasy. No one should be crying this hard at an insect who felt left out. 

Letting out a breath, Bradley starts to sit up from the couch, with a solid arm wrapped around your middle. “You gonna let me carry you?” He asks, voice barely above a whisper. 

Rather than replying, you push your face deeper into the curve of his neck, trying to stifle your weak cries.

“Don’t you start wrestling with me, alright?” He lightly teases, before fully standing up straight, with you hung around his waist.

Walking away from the television that’s still playing, he turns the corner to step into your bedroom. Bradley bends his knees to fit through the door-frame. You had whined the last time he didn’t do it, causing the back of your skull to make contact with the head of the door. 

It’s almost like drunk Bradley is taking over now, knowing exactly what to do with you as he carefully peels you from his front—making you sit on the edge of the bed. 

Kneeling before you, Bradley lifts his large hands to cup your face. “What’s bothering my favorite little brain,” he asks softly, extending a thumb to bat away the fresh tear that slips down your face. 

His favorite little brain. How could he even like that part of you? 

You grit your teeth together, trying to keep another sob at bay. Though, looking into his eyes doesn’t help, he doesn’t look a bit annoyed. Not like your ex boyfriend did when you got like this. Bradley’s being so patient with you.

Taking a shaky breath, your bottom lip quivers—which Bradley pets over with his thumb. “…Do you ever wish I wasn’t like this?” The rotting question finally leaves your mouth, and Bradley feels like he got shot in the chest. 

His face is marked by hurt, dropping his hands down to your waist. “Babybear, what are you—”

“I don’t—” you start to cut him off, lowering your gaze down to your lap. “I don’t belong,” you hiccup. “I feel like—I don’t belong with you,” you pathetically confess. 

At your words, Bradley’s worst fear comes alive. 

“…Are you breaking up with me?” He asks calmly, keeping his voice low—so low that he can’t even hear himself over his racing heart. 

You shake your head no, allowing temporary relief to wash over him. 

Bradley slightly pinches your waist through the t-shirt you’re wearing, hoping you would squirm from the ticklish feeling. But you don’t. 

Tilting his head, Bradley tries to catch your puffy eyes—but you refuse to look at him. “I open the doors for you at restaurants,” you start, voice shaky. He nods his head, “Yeah, you do,” he agrees. “I pull out the chair for you.” Bradley hums. 

“I do stuff that other girls don’t,” you sniffle. “That’s right baby,” he answers, palms massaging your side. “Aren’t you embarrassed of me?” You lift your eyes back to his face, watching him through a layer of tears, “Do you ever wish I wasn’t like this?” You ask again, throat tight.

Bradley darts out a tongue, licking over his lips as he comes up with an idea.

With ease, he picks you up by the waist, holding you up in the air until he slips into the bed. Then, he drops you onto him like nothing, forcing you to lay flat against his chest, cheek pressed against his steady heart. 

Running a hand under your shirt, Bradley grazes the pad of his fingers up and down your spine. “Can I tell you something?” He asks, staring up at the ceiling. 

You nod against him, heart still heavy. “I can’t imagine you any other way,” he starts, heart beginning to pound under your ear. “I wouldn’t want you any other way.” 

“You could be dressed like a clown and I’d still hold your hand, and kiss your pretty face, right in front of everyone.”

“You’re scared of clowns.” 

“I know,” he softly laughs. “But if they looked like you—if they were just like you, I would want to marry every clown I see.” 

“Thats—that’s not right. You can’t marry them all,” you frown. 

“You know what’s not right? That you think I could ever get tired of you,” he rings the conversation back. 

“If every other lifetime—I’m a clown or an ugly ant living in a colony—but you’re still there with me, carrying me around like I weigh nothin', forcing me to wear tiaras to get you to laugh, making me forget how it feels to be alone. I'll ride it out with you.”

Though his speech was intended to make you laugh, you continue to cry instead—stuffing your face into his chest, soaking the fabric of his t-shirt with salty tears and sticky snot. “Hey—c’mere my little clown,” he tickles your side, making you painfully break out into laughter. 

You squirm, unable to escape his wiggling fingers. “Ah—Please—It tickles!” You complain, voice still hoarse.

“That’s right, clowns are supposed to laugh!” He barks, flipping you over.

With you caged underneath him, he stops his attack. Leaning down towards your ear, he whispers a familiar string of words, “I like it when you take care of me. I love how silly you are. I want you forever. I love you.” 

Your eyes burn, shooting wide open. “You were sober!”

He laughs into your ear before pressing a gentle kiss to your earring. “You make me feel s’shy. How am I supposed to say all that if I’m not pretending to be drunk?"

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tags: @s0uz4s @bradswolfe @swiftsgirlfriend @mannsachds @strokesofstokes @coconut152 @angelbabyange @shanimallina87 @ohgodnotagainn @atarmychick007 @Olivia21blunt @s-u-t @hangmanscoming @geraltsaxii @wkndwlff @sammyrenae68 @bradshawed @roosterbruiser @gracelyn-writes @bubblegumbeautyqueen @angeliccks @zombiedeathsworld @blueoorchid @averyhotchner

[smytherines]

Fuck it, here's an Agent Mega dissertation

Alright since I have such elaborate headcanon for my beloved precious Owen Carvour, I guess I should do it for Agent Curt Mega too. Sigh.

So, going off of the last big one, if Owen is born in 1928, then I'm gonna say Curt was born in 1930. I'm forever won to the Texan agent mega headcanon, but I think it's safe to say that Mrs. Mega is not from Texas, probably more like New York or I've seen people say New Jersey.

We know nothing about Agent Mega's dad, but I imagine he was kind of a loser and low level con artist and moved his pregnant wife down to Texas to do scams around the bustling oil industry, and then soon after Curt was born a scam collapsed and he ran off. It's either that or an Aladdin 3 situation where he was secretly a spy the whole time and had to go into hiding.

So we've got mama Mega, raising a VERY hyperactive (read: ADHD) little boy on her own, in a place where she doesn't have any support, and he just becomes her entire world. But she has to work a lot, so Curt becomes used to taking care of himself, and most importantly- keeping himself busy so he doesn't lose it.

In this headcanon Curt would only be 15 when WWII ends- not old enough to fight, but definitely old enough to have personally known a lot of kids from his hometown who come home in caskets. I just truly think of WWII as a formative experience for both these guys. For Curt it just feeds into that inferiority complex.

Now anybody who has ADHD knows that you already spend a lot of your life feeling inadequate, feeling self-conscious about not being able to be the person other people want you to be (*especially* if you're queer). You get defensive, especially when criticized. You also get restless.

I headcanon Curt as growing up in Abilene, Texas, mostly because I have a friend who grew up there and I've visited and the vibe is right.

I don't know if anybody has ever seen The Last Picture Show, but its a film set in small town Texas in 1951-1952 (so a little late for our timeline but still) and it's (more or less) about two high school seniors essentially trying to escape this suffocatingly small, dying town before they become doomed to spend their lives trapped there.

That's definitely what I think about Agent Mega too- this gay, ADHD teenage boy climbing the walls of this little town, never being able to fully be himself. But he's got a lot of energy (and more than a little anger) to burn off, so he does sports. It's Texas, so football for sure. Maybe wrestling too. Perhaps wrestling is even where he has his gay come to jesus moment.

And when he isn't doing sports, he's home, alone (mama Mega is working so hard), out back drinking a beer (or two, or three) and teaching himself how to shoot. I think he becomes hyperfixated on becoming an expert marksman, because with all of this shit he cannot control, all the stuff he is supposed to be but isn't, this is one area where it feels like he has the power here.

What starts off as "kid drinking beer to feel cool and rebellious" starts to morph into a lifetime dependence on alcohol. Substance use is a big issue for a lot of ADHDers for the same reason I think it would be for Curt- it calms him down. It eases that constant restlessness in his bones. It softens the edges of other people's criticisms of him. It makes him care a bit less what others think about him.

In a vicious cycle, he drinks to avoid feeling those big feelings (especially as a man, especially as a gay man, especially as a gay man in Texas), but the drinking leads to more criticism, which leads to more drinking to numb the emotional response to that criticism.

But his hyperfixation on learning to shoot pays off. Let's say he becomes a junior state champion trapshooter (did I look up trapshooting competitions from the 1940s? yes I did). He's good, especially when he hits the sweet spot of drinking just enough to calm his ass down but not so much that he's useless. Maybe this is how he comes to the attention of the A.S.S.

And he fully believes that these skills he cultivated, the ability to hit hard and run fast and shoot accurately, his ability to escape when it doesn't feel remotely possible, is why many years later he just kinda rolls his eyes at Owen for insisting that they do things carefully and methodically. Careful didn't get him out of small town Texas. Careful didn't get him the exciting non-stop life he has now, a life where he *almost* gets to be himself a lot of the time.

When Owen "dies," and its Curt's fault, he naturally turns to drinking to numb that pain. But its a lot of pain, so it takes a lot of alcohol to kill it.

I'm sure I could go on, but as always I have rambled a lot here so I'm just gonna leave it.

[awfulwriter123]

Silent Jealousy (Rhea Ripley x Mute! Reader One-shot)

Hey everyone!!! Okay so my first attempt at a mute and a jealous reader oneshot, a lil nervous not gonna lie, but hey first time for everything. As always, criticism, tips are appreciated you guys know the deal by now. Happ reading everyone!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

You knew you were being slightly childish, but you couldn't help it. None of what rhea and dom on tv did bothered you, not one bit. Dom had a wife, hell you guys even went on a double date once or twice.

What did bug you was the backstage interviewer Cathy Kelly, now you never met her, but you'd see the little comment's they'd make on social media, the tiktok's and you had to admit you were jealous.

That along with feeling self conscious, you've been a mute since you were born and working around it was hard. Rhea though since you two met, took time to learn what every sign met so that way she won't have to sit and let you write something out.

She's always very patient with you never rushing you. But you couldn't help but feel self conscious every time, and it's hard to sign to rhea how you feel because you feel almost embarrassed and childish to admit it.

When rhea asked if you wanted to come with her to Raw and hang out backstage, you thought 'why not?' You figured since it's been awhile since you've seen the boys of the judgement day, you'd go spend time with rhea and them and of course some other people on the roster you knew.

Right now you were sitting with priest, dom, and finn and you were currently trying to teach priest how to sign 'the judgement day' for what reason? You didn't know but figured why not help him out.

You started waving your hand's as priest messed up the sign for the 5th time, while dom and finn were chuckling watching priest try (and fail) at sign language.

"Oh shut up you two, I almost got it!" He turned his head to say to the other two boy's of the judgement day and then turned back to see you nodding your head telling him he did almost have it.

"Almost have what?" Came the voice of a certain aussie you were all to familiar with, as you felt two arms wrap around you from behind and a kiss to your left temple. You couldn't help the smile that spread across your face.

You looked to your left and quickly signed "Hey baby" Before giving rhea a quick kiss on the cheek, to which she smiled saying "Hey gorgeous, what you guys doing?" She asked as she looked to the boy's.

"Priest is having y/n here teach him how to sign 'the judgement day' in sign language, and he's failing miserably" Dom said whilst trying to stifle his laughter, which quickly ceased as priest gave him a death glare.

"He was close" You signed to rhea which made giggle, "She said you got close priest, why do you wanna learn how to sign that?" She asked.

"Well cause I wan-" "Hey rhea! Cool your here!" You all turned your head's to the door to see Cathy Kelly standing there, to which she quickly acknowledged all of you in the room. "Hey boys, and I don't believe i've met you." She said to you.

"Oh Cathy this is my girlfriend y/n, y/n meet Cathy." Rhea introduced you two, as to not be rude you held your hand out as Cathy shook it very enthusiastically.

"Nice to meet you" She let go of your hand to and nodded at her as if to say 'likewise' and she gave you a confused look. "Oh right shit my bad, y/n's a mute." Rhea quickly said as though to not make Cathy feel like you were being rude.

"Oh! No worries." She quickly smiled at you two to which you returned. "What do you need Cathy?" Finn asked the question that was on all your minds.

"Oh right, rhea I wanted to know if you'll help me film something for tiktok? I got a great idea in mind!" She said and your face dropped slightly, but you quickly composed yourself and hoped no one noticed.

"Yeah sure, can't take too long though, gotta get ready for the show soon." She said as she turned to put a quick kiss on your lips. "I'll be back in a minute." She said to you and the boy's as her and Cathy left.

You couldn't help the scowl that crossed your face after they left. "Hey y/n." You heard as you turned your head slightly to see dom give you a concerned look. "You alright?"

You quickly turned your head to hide your scowl and you guessed sad eyes you must have had considering the look dom gave you and nodded.

"Hey come on y/n you can talk to us." You heard dom say as he sat next to you and started rubbing your back. You looked up to see finn and priest looking at you as well with concerned eyes.

With a silent sigh you took out your note pad and pen that you carried around with you as you knew, not everybody knew sign language, so you carried them with you just to be sure.

You hesitated slightly with the pen hovering over the piece of paper, you just didn't know how to put it. "Take your time y/n." You heard finn say to you, to which you took a deep breath and started writing down what you felt.

Once you were done you handed it to dom, who quickly read it over and then handed it to priest so he can read whilst finn, who was sitting next to him was reading it while leaning on his shoulder.

You turned your head to dom as you heard him speak up first. "That's not something to feel embarrassed about y/n, Cathy has kinda been all over rhea." A quick glare from priest yet again shut dom up as he saw your face turn sad.

"Listen y/n." Priest said leaning over a bit to put a comforting hand on your knee. "Rhea loves you, anyone can see that. Hell she never shuts up about you, she would never do anything to hurt you, you have zero to be jealous about." He smiled at you as you gave a small one back.

"As for being self conscious." Started finn. "She doesn't care that you can't talk lass, cause she couldn't give two shit's about this." He point towards his throat. "She care's more about this." He point's to his heart which made you smile even more.

"Could you guys give us a minute?" You all looked up to see rhea standing at the door with a sad look on her face. All the boys quickly got up to leave, but not without giving you quick smile's on their way through as rhea gently shut the door and sat down across from you.

She looked over and saw the piece of paper which wrote out for the boys to read, to which she reached over and read it. She would stop every once in a while to look up at you whilst you were looking down feeling embarrassed. She quickly put down the piece of paper and asked.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" She asked you, as you deiced to be a smartass and try to lighten the mood by signing. "Well to be fair, I can't say anything." To which rhea quickly rolled her eyes and gave you a look. "I'm serious y/n."

Your smile quickly fell as you let out a silent sigh, before signing. "I thought you'd think I was being childish, and be mad at me cause of it." You quickly signed as tears pricked your eyes, to which rhea was quick to lean over and wipe away any before they could escape.

"No no no. Baby, i'm happy you told me, i admit Cathy is a bit much as time's, but don't think i'm going to just up and leave you for her cause you can't talk." She said as she held your cheeks lightly making you look at her.

"Finn's right babe, I don't care about this." She point's towards your throat. "This." She points towards your heart, and taps your chest lightly with her finger. "This is what I care about." She smiled at you as you smiled back as tears pricked your eyes again, not of sadness, but at the love you felt for this woman.

Rhea wiped away your tears again. "I'll be sure to tell her to tone it down a bit and to not do to much alright?" You nodded at her as she smiled at you and planted a gentle kiss on your lips.

"I love you alright? Never forget that babe." She said as she put her forehead against yours. You signed quickly 'I love you too' and planted another kiss on her lips before she pulled you into a warm embrace.

~Author's Note~

Okay i honestly dont know how to feel about this one, i feel like i did good but then my nervs set in and then i feel like this is shit but oh well, i wanted to try this kind of one shot and see how it went.

I still have a few idea's in mind, but im considering opening up request's, idk id of course have to make a list of what i dont write and what i do write, i also kinda wanna try my hand at a judgement day oneshot or hc. But idk we'll have to wait and see.

Anyways have a goodnight, morning or after whatever time zone ur in, later!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[kisses4kaia]

omg i love ur writing sm<33 since there’s quite a few fics where charlie is a sub i was wondering if you could write some smut where he’s in control instead? also thank u for doing god’s work and writing abt charlie since there’s such a shortage in fics abt him :,)

omg thank you for the kind words and yes !! yk it’s hard work , carrying the entire charlie walker uprising on this app on my back😔 JK I LOVE IT AND YOU GUYS !! fem! reader , nsfw , pet names , etc , etc .

princess🎠- c, walker ,,

as you lie on your back, naked, tied up, on your bed, you begin to wonder how you even got yourself into this position.

well, it started as an innocent takeout dinner on the couch with your boyfriend. you settled on your favorite movie of all time '10 things i hate about you', and well, charlie hated it.

"see, heath ledger's great and all but, it's totally confusing," he claimed. you snorted at this. "oh yeah? how so?"

"i mean, joey, the popular guy, wants to take out bianca, the popular girl. however, bianca's dad won't let her date unless her freak sister, kat, does. and so popular guy joey goes and pays delinquent guy patrick to take out freak sister kat so he can take popular girl bianca out?"

and he's not done.

"plus, patrick serenades kat to what, gain her trust? i just don't get it," he spoke at the iconic scene.

"no, dummy. obviously, you haven't been paying attention. he serenades kat to apologize to her," you said. "i didn't hear the words 'i'm sorry' anywhere in those lyrics," he said, matter of factly.

"okay, party pooper. you win," you rolled your eyes in retort. "i'm sorry, i know you love this movie," he apologized.

you laughed. "no biggie. and plus, i still owe you something for making you watch this absolute masterpiece of a film, so? what's it gonna be?" you looked up at him expectantly.

he seemed to think for a second before his eyes darkened. oh, he had something absolutely wicked in mind and you knew it.

"i want... to be on top, in the bedroom, tonight," he admitted, looking down and playing with his hands as if he was scared you were going to say no.

you smiled. "that's what you want? even wanna tie me up and everything?" you said, your smile evident in your tone. he looked up and nodded.

"well, lead the way, sir." the name made his stomach flip and his dick twitch. he had never jumped off of the couch so fast.

you followed him into the bedroom and his lips immediately found yours. his hands roamed your body and grabbed everywhere. your breathing became heavier and suddenly it seemed like you just couldn't get close enough to him.

he broke the kiss to speak. "take off your clothes and lay down on the bed," his breath was still in the air.

"yes, sir." you grinned widely at him as you obeyed his instructions. you were slow and teasing in your movements.

he tolerated it once you finally finished and laid your back on the soft mattress.

his eyes wandered over your body seemingly a million times. his gaze pierced through your skin and made you slightly self-conscious.

he removed his belt first, walking up to you and taking your wrists in his hands. "is this okay?" he asked softly before you nodded. "words, baby," he spoke again.

"yes." you verified. "yes, what?" he continued. "yes, sir." you corrected yourself.

"good girl."

he used the belt to restrain your hands onto the headboard.

the clothes that once hugged his body were gone quickly as he hovered over you, pressing a sweet, passionate kiss to your lips. he kissed down your neck, leaving a few wet spots in their wake.

his lips soon found the sweet spot on your collarbone he had grown to know oh so well. the sweet sounds that pulled from your vocal cords hardened his cock impossibly so.

"oh my god, char," you breathed out as one of his large hands found your breast. he twisted and pulled at the sensitive peak, loving the squirm of your body beneath him.

you felt so hot, like you couldn't get enough air in your lungs when charlie began kissing down your body, stopping at where you needed him the most.

his middle finger dragged down your torso to your slit, running it up and down, teasing your entrance multiple times. you tugged on the restraints.

"please," you quietly whined. "hm? what was that, princess?" you moaned at the name. "fuck, please, charlie." you begged, lifting your head off of the pillow slightly to lock eyes with him.

"since you asked so nicely," he said before pushing the digit inside of you.

little choked whines and whimpers escaped your lips as he curled the finger and pumped it in and out of you. "so good, please don't stop," you moaned as your eyes shut in ecstasy.

he continued his work on you until your moans increased more and more in volume. "fuck, i'm almost there!" you almost shouted before he sped up his abuse on your cunt.

he was unrelenting in his need to make you cum. he even added his thumb, circling it around your clit. you threw your head back onto the pillow behind you as your mouth fell open in pleasure.

your orgasm approached faster than you'd expected. "go ahead, doll. cum for me," he permitted. it took nothing else to make you unravel. he spoke you through it.

"shh, you're doing so well for me. my good, good, girl."

he goes to remove the belt from your wrists, and you actually begin to think the nights through. you try to sit up before he pushes right back down.

"oh, sweetheart. you thought tonight was over? we've only just begun, pretty girl."

tags; @themostintellectualblonde @dreamtofus @wannabe-indie-sleaze @insanelycrazyanddelusional

[ohwhataniight]

I'm never gonna dance again - Part 4

So this is the 4th and last chapter of I'm never gonna dance again. I tried hard to write more explicit smut but I haven't done so for about a decade and it felt incredibly hard. I was too self-conscious. Sigh, hopefully that will come soon, no pun intended.

Thank you so much for your feedback and likes on this fic. Enjoy!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

They’re kissing again, and this time it’s slow, exploratory, inquisitive, deducing History from scars and pulled tendons.

“Why, Sherlock?” John chokes on tears that burn his throat as his fingers caress the curve of his partner’s neck, swiftly undoing the buttons of his shirt. “Why are we like this?”

“Shh...” Sherlock plants kisses on his temple, his nose, his cheeks. “I’m sorry, I’ve got you now.”

Sherlock hasn’t taught him this dance, but John, unlike Sherlock, knows his references. He briefly wonders if the great detective has indulged in romantic films from the 80s, as the taller man wraps his arms around John’s waist, pulling him close to the routine from Dirty Dancing.

It’s Sherlock who’s leading this time and, for this once, John allows himself to occupy the less masculine role of following. His body feels limp against Sherlock’s determined frame, and he lets himself be manhandled as Sherlock presses their groins together and dips John back sensually, their hips swaying in unison. Sherlock is an incredible dancer, as John has come to discover throughout the past month, as their bodies discovered each other in different positions and states of yearning. John’s eyelids slide shut and he’s letting himself melt into Sherlock’s firm grip, their bodies rubbing together rhythmically in a way that makes John feel like his body is going to explode and fill the tapestry-cladded walls with splatter and heartache.

Chest on chest, abdomen on abdomen, legs entangled, mingling and stretching and bending languidly, arms wrapped tightly around bones and sensitive muscles, their bodies vibrating with complete adoration, utter devotion, excruciating pain.

(loneliness, loneliness, such a waste of time)

They’re kissing again, and this time it’s slow, exploratory, inquisitive, deducing History from scars and pulled tendons.

“Why, Sherlock?” John chokes on tears that burn his throat as his fingers caress the curve of his partner’s neck, swiftly undoing the buttons of his shirt. “Why are we like this?”

“Shh...” Sherlock plants kisses on his temple, his nose, his cheeks. “I’m sorry, I’ve got you now.”

And John simply gives in, his hands sliding under Sherlock’s shirt, landing on the small of his back, tracing the goosebumps on his skin. Sherlock keeps swaying them around, his own hands under the hem of John’s shirt exploring the muscles on his chest and the softness of his abdomen. They’re gradually getting clumsier in their movement as they’re moving to the bedroom without any more words, dancing as they fumble with belts and zippers.

John had never imagined Sherlock taking the lead in the bedroom. He had imagined Sherlock in the bedroom period, even though he’d never admitted that to anyone (he wonders if Mary knows with a sharp pang in his chest), but he’d never brought himself to imagine their current level of devastation, he’d never dared to imagine Sherlock wrapping him into his arms, planting kisses all over his face, caring for John like this, as if he was fragile, made of porcelain. He’d never gone as far as imagine the whole ordeal, tender and heartbreaking as it was, to simultaneously be so passionate, so demanding.

But meeting Sherlock Holmes, he knew from the get go there he was in for some Great Old Paradoxes.

Later, both of them lying down, spent and covered in sweat that’s slowly turning cold, raising the hair from their skin, John traces his wedding vows with his fingertips on Sherlock’s chest, feeling the slowing thud of his lover's heart beneath the heel of his hand. It’s like this that they slowly drift into slumber, and John only manages to breathe “I love you,” as his consciousness leaves his body to the peaceful cease-fire of sleep.

“Never say that again,” Sherlock’s baritone intrudes in the prelude of his dream.

John complies to his friend’s request.

*

(This is not your problem. You have your own body to deal with. The lamp by the bed is broken. You are feeling things he’s no longer in touch with. And everyone is speaking softly, so as not to wake one another. The wind knocks the heads of the flowers together. Steam rises from every cup at every table at once. Things happen all the time, things happen every minute that have nothing to do with us.

A Primer for the Small Weird Loves - Richard Siken)

When Sherlock wakes up the sun is breaking in between the half-shut curtains, painting a thick line on the floor and making dust swirl, languid, sick. The arrhythmical pounding in his head is the first thing he registers, before noticing his nakedness under the sheets. His stomach drops when he remembers - his bed is empty. Of course it is. John is getting married today.

Everything seems fake, a horrible nightmare he can’t wake himself from. His whole body is aching, the result of a brutal hangover combined with getting fucked raw by the man he loves, by the man whose Best Man he’s becoming today, vowing to protect him and his family against everything that may threaten their bliss, against himself.

To battle.

*

John’s splitting headache lasts throughout the day, tormenting him through every handshake, every smile, every squeeze of Mary’s hand into his own. The wedding is a haze and he goes through the steps on auto pilot, briefly interrupted by instances of forgetfulness and excitement as he gets swallowed by momentary highs.

There’s little he remembers from last night. The case of the ghost lover, Sherlock throwing up and passing out, waking up in jail, and the faint feeling of Sherlock in his arms, a feeling he can’t quite visualize, he can only haphazardly sense it, a certain warmth and electricity that spreads out from his skull to his torso and his fingertips, pooling like pain in the pit of his stomach. And yet he still cannot grasp it fully. It is out of reach every time he tries to reconstruct it in his head, now with Mary in his arms, Sherlock playing their song on his violin, the sorrowful song he has written for them, for him.

Quite a mood this song produces. Quite a choice for a wedding. Trust Sherlock to be like that. Trust Sherlock to get in his head, under his skin, to occupy his every cell on the day he’s getting married to the woman he loves.

Next thing he knows, people are applauding, Mary is smiling blissfully, and he’s going to be a father.

He can’t stand all the noise, the pastel flashing lights, this horrid DJ. He feels trapped in this room, inside his own head, his pulse throbbing deafeningly against his meninges. So, naturally, he wears his best smile, and does the only thing that has recently been successful in getting his head to stop: he dances.

Dancing with Mary is easy, natural. She knows the steps, she is eager to lead even when she follows. His heart is racing with excitement, dread, and that eerie, stubborn feeling of haziness and lethe.

But dancing helps him straighten up and get it together. His new life is beginning. Mary is pregnant. The pressing feeling of lack, the constricting pain around his ribcage, the sensation of Sherlock’s lips exploring his own is nothing new. It has been present from the get go, haunting his dreams and invading his life. Sherlock left first.

Enough.

*

(So you say you want a deathbed scene, the knowledge that comes before knowledge, and you want it dirty. And no one can ever figure out what you want, and you won’t tell them,and you realize the one person in the world who loves you isn’t the one you thought it would be, and so you don’t trust him to love you in a way you would enjoy.

A Primer for the Small Weird Loves, Richard Siken)

He leaves first, the cold night air slapping his face when he opens the door, sobering him up. The tail of his coat swishes behind him and he only sees tacky pastels swirling before his eyes in this nauseating disco beat. He’s never been one for weddings. He’s a flaneur and a nobody, the sharp intellect pulling apart the lives of others as they live them, dissecting them, narrating them on the background.

Sherlock has one curse: he knows. He remembers. He treasures and loses and decides to protect.

So Sherlock leaves the party, and the night engulfs him and reminds him of another addiction he had long ago given up on.

enough.

@gaylilsherlock @totallysilvergirl

[rebelliousstories]

Sex, Drugs, Rock ‘N Roll

Relationship: Donnie Darko x Reader

Fandom: Donnie Darko

Request: Yes by Anon

Warnings: Fluff, Weed Consumption, Mentions of Death, Violence, and Horny Thoughts

Word Count: 1,799

Masterlist: Here

Jake Gyllenhaal & Co. Masterlist: Here

Summary: What was suppose to be a quiet and spooky night in, quickly turned into something a bit scarier, but a bit more relaxed.

“Come on in, Donnie! I’m so excited for tonight!” She exclaimed loudly, pulling her dark haired friend inside. The boy laughed and looked around the home. A home so unlike his own, yet so similar. He allowed himself to be pulled up stairs and to the second door on the right. Donnie knew this bedroom well, having come here often over the last few years. While her parents didn’t know about some of those visits thanks to the ladder that stayed on her side of the house, he knew that they liked him. They liked that they were such close friends and balanced each other out.

Donnie helped to take blankets, pillows, and other items to the living room for the movie night they were going to have. Apparently it was a sin in his best friend’s eyes to have never seen “Rocky Horror Picture Show” which he didn’t get. But he’d do anything just to see her happy, and if that meant watching an incredibly sexual and horror based movie, he’d do it. A small fort was now erected in the living room when the popcorn had been started. Candy littered the coffee table, with a small portion of the table left visible for beverages and the aforementioned popcorn. Donnie smelled the butter and could practically taste the salt coating the kernels as she brought it over in a big bowl. He went to reach for a handful but a shock ran through him instead when he felt her hand meet his. They shared a glance and prayed that the other one would not notice the blush now coating their cheeks. The VHS tape was loaded in and finally the night was set to begin.

“I promise you’re gonna love the film, Donnie. It’s a classic in the horror scene now. Although it did terribly when it was first released.” She assured him while the lips moved across the screen.

“I believe you, okay? It sounds like the sort of thing we’d enjoy.” He watched her shoot him a wink and let the rest of the movie play. Everything was going fine. Donnie laughed as she called out the crowd interaction every chance she got. She usually tried to warn him what was coming up and what to do which made it even more fun for the boy. Watching his best friend enjoy something so clearly and fiercely put a small smile on his face that didn’t seem to go away.

Everything was going fine. Until it wasn’t. Donnie was really getting into the film, and enjoying it almost as much as his best friend. After a brief pause, where the two friends calmed down, the boy saw something flash out of the corner of his eyes. At first, he thought that it was another hallucination but it was just the T.V. Bright images flashed, and the lyrics struck a cord deep within Donnie. He saw Frank start to show up in the middle of all the dancing. Bodies started dropping, and images flashed through his head of violence and death. But Frank stayed in the middle of it all. Unmoving. He couldn’t focus on anything else other than the illusions of color and mayhem on the screen.

“Donnie?” His head whipped around lightning fast at the sound of his name. His best friend was looking at him with a concerned expression and Donnie suddenly felt a little self conscious.

“Donnie? Are you okay? You kinda zoned out on me.” It was then that he noticed that the movie was paused and stuck on the face of Tim Curry in full makeup.

“I don’t know. Everything just got a lot really quick.” He focused his attention to the blanket draped across his legs as they sat in silence. No words were spoken between the pair as she stood up and grabbed his hand to gently pull him off the floor. While Donnie was confused, he still followed her to the stairs. They walked up, hand in hand, until they found themselves back in her bedroom but without all the blankets and pillows. She sat him down on the bed before she reached underneath and pulled out an old shoebox. Donnie furrowed his brows as he watched her pull the lid off, and he saw the contents.

A tiny tin box sat in the larger cardboard box, with a lighter and an ashtray. She picked up the tin box and took that lid off as well. Three little rolled up blunts awaited their eyes as she rummaged around to pull the other stuff out from the box.

“Won’t your parents be mad?” Donnie asked as she set everything up on the floor so as not to ruin her bed.

“They’re just happy I’m not knocked up right now. Besides, as long as I do it in the house it’s fine.” She replied, patting the spot next to her on the floor. Donnie cautiously slunk down off the bed and joined her.

“Have you ever smoked before?” He shook his head at her question.

“Okay so I’m gonna light it, then walk you through it. But in essence, just hold the smoke in your mouth. Don’t breathe too much in on your first go.” And with that, he watched as her hands moved to light the joint, and breathed in deeply. Thick white smoke blew out from her lips, and Donnie couldn’t help but be reminded of one of his drawing in that sense. She held the blunt out in her hands to the boy who gingerly took it in his hands. He tried to replicate what she had done, but ended up coughing up a storm as the smoke disappeared into thin air. She patted his back with a chuckle and tried to take the offending drug away but Donnie turned his body away and kept it. His second go around was a lot smoother, only coughing slightly as he exhaled. And that was only the beginning of the night for the duo.

“No but like why do pigs look like that?” She asked now laying down on her elbow on her bed, with Donnie in front of her on his back in the bed.

“Like domestic, or selective breeding or some shit.” He said but started to giggle halfway through. By the end of his sentence, Donnie was thrown into full blown laughter. She joined him soon enough and had her own laughs at his. After a few moments, they both died down until they were left in silence.

“Hey,” Donnie called only to receive a hum in return.

“Can we finish the movie now?” The boy let himself be dragged down the stairs yet again, towards the forgotten movie. The video started yet again but Donnie was started to focus on the movie less and less as time went on. His mind was filled with visions but not of destruction and mayhem. They were filled with her. He was confused; why would he be thinking about how soft her lips looked versus how soft they’d feel? Donnie didn’t feel an ounce of shame when she caught him staring, but instead loved the blush that came arch’s her face.

“What’s up, Donnie?” She asked, briefly turning back to the film. She couldn’t get over the way he stared at her. It freaked her out a little, but also made her feel warm and fuzzy.

“You’re pretty.” He stated simply, as if it was the most basic fact in the universe. She felt her cheeks heat up even more and hoped that the darkness was enough to hide it.

“Thanks Donnie.” Her quiet reply came. The boy shuffled closer to her and turned his focus back to the film. But his eyes were the only thing on the moving picture; his thoughts were still stuck on her.

“Would you go with any of the characters? Or cast? If you could, that is.” The question made her think for just a second. She moved even closer to the boy, and gently placed her head on his shoulder before she responded.

“Frank ‘N Furter for sure. Or Magenta. I like Columbia but I don’t know if I could do that voice twenty-four seven.” Donnie nodded at her choices.

“What about you? Who would you go with?” She asked, as they watch Frank ‘N Furter sneak into Brad’s room.

“Same. Although I might give Columbia a chance. They all seem like wackos. Maybe I’d fit in.” He said dismissively. She grabbed his hand but didn’t tear her eyes from the screen.

“You’re still my favorite wacko.” She admitted, and felt Donnie nuzzle his face into her hair. The pair of them said nothing for a few minutes, and simply basked in the silence. As the movie went on, both friends still felt the high in their systems as they laid on top of one another. Donnie kept his head turned to the side from where he laid on her chest. Her head was in the same position, but she switched between the film and Donnie whenever he let out a little giggle, or said something about the film.

“I’m not gay, but I’d gladly let Frank ‘N Furter take me out. He’s too pretty. Is he turning me gay? Wait, no. Cause I still like women. What does that make me? Bicycle? Bisectional? Bicentennial?” Donnie rambled on, causing her to start chuckling beneath his head.

“Bisexual?” She offered, but Donnie shook his head.

“No. Oh, now I remember. Biologist.” Her laughter couldn’t be contained anymore which caused Donnie’s head to come off her chest and looked at her with a quizzical look.

“Yes, Donnie. You’re a biologist because you like Frank and Magenta.” Donnie got a big, proud smile on his face and nodded.

“Yeah.” He said it so proudly and cutely that she couldn’t help but stroke his face. But when her hand to leave, Donnie pulled it back and nuzzled into it like a cat. When he opened his eyes again, their eyes locked and neither could look away.

“Do you like Frank and Magenta?” He asked, staring at her like this was the most important question of their lives.

“Yeah. ‘M just like you a little bit.” She said as she kept her hand on his cheek.

“Wanna go with me and be biologists together?” Her smile infected Donnie’s face who also started to genuinely smile down at her.

“I’d love to be a biologist with you.” Donnie nodded again, proud of himself, and settled back down on her chest. She knew he probably wouldn’t remember this interaction the next morning, but for right now, she was content to stay in their little bubble. Listening to the sweet voice of Tim Curry serenade the ending of the film.

[bredforloyalty]

it would fix them because. i changed my mind hear me out .. fix in the sense that, you have the father who feels trapped by the family he didn't plan to have and who couldn't explore his attraction to men in peace and on his own terms due to the circumstances and whose rigid ideas of masculinity and insistence on playing by the rules and preserving the status quo ("man is the head of the family. i can win life if i just perform these roles well and shove the rest under the rug. this will surely work out fine for me and mine") clearly stopped him from being happy and ruined other lives like for example his son's. he got the baggage from his dad too btw naturally and my philosophy is that people improve when they get external love and validation so far be it from me to hold it against them when they don't and i will gladly extend that to everything so i am just saying that i intend to avoid double standards here.. because everybody hurts everybody has their reasons everybody also chooses to be the way they are. anyway then you have the son who learned way too young that his father's tendencies and said khm attitudes to gender and social roles and life in general combine to make the fun little sexual habit of dominating and hurting mainly young boys and trans women (and filming it without their consent of course) so you see there's the implicit sexual terror, and there's nate knowing men are animals and that would mean he is one too which is a problem on its own but every other animal is a threat as well and you can never let your guard down because then you'll be the one getting eaten. so you have to eat. that is the traditional man's world. probably not a very solid base for developing normal self-esteem and a personality that isn't destructive, outward Or inward, not a very supportive home in that sense. and there is affection and loyalty at home ((to an extent)) but if you live like that, live and raise kids by those rules, they're never gonna feel secure because once you fail to live up to the expectations you're on your own. and they're unrealistic so you'll never be enough. tilting at windmills. know what i mean? no son of mine will wander astray (abomination), don't come running to me . when they're coming for you. desert by brand new sound of the summer (again). so there's the family as this cage where gay sexuality isn't allowed to exist or rather it is but only in the form of men violating other men (inherent to patriarchy) and so you have the kid who's terrified of having dad's other side turned towards him who actually does feel unloved and doesn't want his mother to wonder when he "darkened" or see him as a ticking bomb and does want to please his father and does want to belong, and doesn't want his parents to think of him as a failure. i am not talking conscious wants necessarily it's just that people are people and we're social creatures and we would die without love and i don't think this is an instance of a character being written as rotten to the core and incapable of having those same needs everyone has. and i don't think that would be compelling anyway so these are my assumptions. And he also struggles with sexuality away from the family and with fitting into the hetero box and that is a mix of society's fault and the fault of upbringing. so you see there is the innate need for connection that isn't being met (both in cal and nate i mean) and a possibility for catharsis in many ways. now what if this situation could be two birds one stoned

[journey-to-the-attic]

eeee okay!! i was gonna ask about the actor au i know its from ages ago but im a sucker for that kind of au 😭 thinking about the cast all taking care of each other on set and stuff and everyone is ik's biggest hypeman/woman, after all shes carrying the whole show on her back. ik falling asleep mid-scene and belphie carrying her back to her trailer and telling off the directors for pushing her... beel sneaking her snacks on set just in case.... mammon and ik making each other crack up while theyre trying to film........

i do have a soft spot for this genre of au, especially since here the actors just get to be regular people... allow me!! (this ended up being more au framework than cast interactions so feel free to ask for more of those haha)

okay so quick refresher on what i'd previously established: jtta is a show, and everyone's an actor in it

for simplicity's sake, they all have keep their names, and the character they play within the show is just named for their sin/role

so lucifer's character's is Pride, mammon's is Greed, so on for the other brothers - diavolo is The Prince, barbatos is The Butler, etc

of the brothers, in this au, only beel+belphie are still twins, and satan+lucifer are cousins, but the rest aren't blood-related

now starting to add some stuff...

diavolo's already very well-known before being cast, he'd be the Big Celebrity Name that draws in people

they're all from varying backgrounds - lucifer used to be a concert pianist, solomon was in stage magic, asmo's an idol, satan and simeon were both in theatre, luke started out in local pantomimes and got scouted, etc.

of everyone, simeon, levi, ik and luke are regarded as 'newbies' to showbiz

ik and luke because they're young, though luke has more acting experience (ik got called to audition purely by chance so this is her first role)

simeon because he came into acting from having been a nurse, which doesn't really prepare you for the job

and levi because this is his first role, his previous work has always been on practical effects and such (so he ends up being the most nervous in interviews)

before being cast in the show, lucifer and mammon were already acquainted - lucifer was mammon's mentor when he first got into acting, so they're under the same agency (they get called 'double threat' because they tend to appear in the same productions)

satan and lucifer are fairly distant emotionally, but they aren't on bad terms, they just had different trajectories in life before both ending up in acting

(satan starts a faux-rivalry with lucifer to prepare for their roles as wrath and pride feat. all the baggage from obey me, and it turns out they're actually very good at annoying each other in real life)

everyone has the same base personalities - mammon is still loud and impulsive, levi is still self-conscious but passionate, diavolo's still cheerful and confident

but with some elements softened (for example, barbatos isn't a super dedicated butler who literally lives to serve diavolo, he's just a good friend of his)

partially because the different setting means there's a different sort of social hierarchy, partially because they're all humans who lived mundane human lives and experienced a lot less trauma

e.g. lucifer is still fairly formal, stern, and not exactly cuddly, but he's much softer by default, has less sophisticated speech patterns, and has a higher tendency to joke around with the others

before they start filming, they get the cast to spend a few weeks together to get a feel for their chemistry

the seven 'brothers' click fairly quickly, but it takes a bit longer for the purgatrio to do so because for some reason simeon and solomon can't STAND each other in the beginning

it's so bad at some point that they almost consider recasting, but then one night they get drunk together and suddenly they're best friends the next day

ik's probably under a lot of pressure, since she's completely new to all this and is now expected to shoulder basically the whole show

diavolo and barbatos would be the quickest to take her under their wing

but ik is a little (a lot) intimidated by her new co-star, given that diavolo is like a ss-tier celebrity (as is asmo, solomon (though he's less mainstream and more cult-following), and lucifer to some degree

so at first she gravitates towards levi instead - who is similarly new to the scene, and not too busy arguing with solomon like simeon

and since levi's also spending time with his 'brothers', at that point ik gets pulled into the group

it's only after getting used to lucifer that ik can graduate to just accepting diavolo's support without freezing up

anyway by the time filming starts the entire rest of the cast has agreed: ik must NOT be bullied by the directors, we are going to make her first acting job go as SMOOTH as possible

there's actually a bit of an issue where they film scenes from earlier in the season before the characters have actually bonded in canon, but because ik's already formed a very strong bond with the 'brothers', their acting ends up being too familiar

the scene will call for pride to very haughtily look down his nose at the lost kid (ik's character name) and say something scathing, and instead lucifer will look at ik with the Gentlest eyes and deliver the line with entirely the wrong vibes

they're still actors at the end of the day though, so once suitably scolded they do know to ignore their real life relationships and play the roles as directed

one time ik accidentally breaks a prop mid-scene, which mammon notices before the directors can, so he grabs it and makes it look like he did it instead (he gets a reprimand for not being careful, but nothing otherwise. even so ik feels so bad that mammon has to distract her with card game)

later they figure out what happened while reviewing the footage, and when they go to ask mammon about it he's like "yo you stay QUIET about this, understand?!!"

beel is ik's designated hide-behind person when she gets nervous/uncomfortable in interviews, while belphie is the designated deflect-the-questions or tell-the-interviewer-to-fuck-off person

[quitefair]

massive apologies for the delay in replying, life unfortunately got me by the THROAT this week.... anyway got sent this fun little thing by both @optiwashere and @tief4tief, thanks you two!!

i am Very Self Conscious about my writing nowadays and most of the stuff im actually very proud of is yet unpublished for reasons..... but hey, i'll (cringe) take a look at my ao3 (cringe)......

Names (Dragon Age, mostly a Hawke character study but it's got a little Fenhawke flavour to it... still my favourite thing I've written for these two. I love them so much.)

what is worth protecting (Critical Role, Campaign 2. Yasha character study. I love her I love her I love-)

Quiet, but Bright (Star Wars: Rogue One, Chirrut Imwe character study - yes there's a lot of character studies lmao. Wrote this in a fever dream after watching the movie. Still one of The Best Star Wars films imo)

slip away (Hades, perspective of those left behind when Zagreus escapes for the first time. Brain Worms Supreme, this game gave me.)

test my worth in blood (Baldur's Gate 3 genfic, featuring my Tav Marduk and Shadowheart. A little exercise in figuring out both their personalities and how they'd interact.)

Since this train has long left the station, I'm gonna tag anybody else that wants to do this!

[siarven]

QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

It's been ages since I got tagged in sth like this?? Thank you very much @zbdragons :DD (Also I want to see your dragon arts??) (also sorry I forgot this in my drafts for a hot second dklldk)

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

I don't think so? My parents chose my birth name bc they liked the sound. My chosen name chose me lmao. I want to keep the masc version of my birth name around as second name, but I think it's less bc it's related to my old name and more bc I like the sound of it, and it makes Mama happy :>

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Not sure! It was probably at a fictional story? ive managed to fix my mental health enough to no longer have regular crises :') <3

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

nope, don't ever want any either

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

started out with gymnastics when i was ~6 (probably bc baby me started climbing street lights bc our trees were too smol xD), then switched to tennis due to external circumstances and stuck with it until I moved for uni. Here the distances are all much bigger so going everywhere by bike was enough daily sports (30-40km/day), but then the pandemic happened. Now i have dumbbells and a yoga mat in my room and do stretches and (body)weight things most days bc all my 'things why i need to leave the house' are 25+km away. i am ok with going 20km one way but not more than that xD

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

sometimes! depends on the people. i did it sooo much around my brother when i still lived at home, but these days i think it's gotten pretty rare

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

vibes, i think? Are You Potentially Friend Shaped? :333

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

hazel/somewhere between green and brown depending on the light

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

happy endings... i like scary things, but i dislike most horror films. they have the wrong horror vibes xD

ANY TALENTS?

i am good at learning music by ear + play flute and piccolo very well (this is prob bc Mama taught me how to learn music at a young age). It's so nice to have One Thing I am not self conscious about, esp bc it isn't tied to money or anything. These days it comes fairly effortless and I love playing and learning new pieces, and bc my orchestra appreciates me I get to play piccolo + solo parts too. I also used to be very good at singing but i am on hrt now and idk how that's gonna develop xD

I also write stuff and draw things and I do the drawing thing professionally/plan on doing so, at least (rn it's just small things on the side and wouldn't pay the bills). But neither feels like a talent bc everyone I started out with was better at it than me when we were kids. They just stopped doing it. Idk. Success through persistence and spite... both my art and writing feel extremely average (derogatory) most of the time, but I guess we will see if i manage to succeed anyway dklldkd

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Hannover (Germany); moved away for uni

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

flute/piccolo in my orchestra; going for walks with my camera; wildlife photography; hiking; learning about nature and the names of animals and plants + trivia; writing/reading fantasy books; watercolour painting; reading and watching good stories of any genre tbh; reading/watching nonfiction things on nature/history/paleontology/humanity. Wanna learn ALL

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

no :( but my flatmate has a snake! his name is momo and i love him!

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

173cm

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

history (bc of the teacher); english (the years my teacher was good); art (surpriseee /j)

DREAM JOB?

concept artist for stories with heavy (fantasy) worldbuilding; illustrator (I do that already as a freelancer but it would not pay the bills). Also I would love love love to be a published author but in my head the art and writing side of things are kinda deeply related, so both pls

tagging @ettawritesnstudies @corishadowfang @lady-redshield-writes @raiswanson @kittensartswriting @monika-in-wonderland @tundra-tiger @unfocused-overwriter @big-urchin-energy @antignocchiphase @mando-ah-damn if any of you want to (no pressure), and also anyone else who wants to, I don't remember anymore who is doing tag games xD

[spicybylerpolls]

giggling at 'would finn and noah practice kissing off set' anon.

i have wondered about this, less for fantasy's sake and more because i have intern experience on film sets and know how odd simulated sex scenes can be. but i've never worked with an intimacy co-ord, and i really wish i knew what that process was like. apparently it includes filling out forms literally naming which body parts you are comfortable with your scene partner touching, with which parts of THEIR body. film regulation means no genitals are allowed to touch each other, but im sure this rule was ignored in the olden days/depending on the director (no way can i see this happening on ST tho. it's got too high a profile and lets face it, the duffers arent exactly avant garde auteurs who push the boundaries of cinema.)

im fascinated by this discussion because theres really no way to know what a sex scene might be like until we see s5. sometimes the duffs knock it out the park with originality and vibes (s1, the van scene) and sometimes they're lazy and cheesy as hell (jopper's kiss? arms everywhere, terrible angles and lighting).

but anon's q is most interesting because of finn's anxiety. i am not even a huge st fan before s4, but even i noticed this in his body language. its also apparent in-show if you know what to look for - his little ticks even in s1.

so with a love scene, it's gonna be nerve-racking as hell. i love what prev anon said about him knowing noah well. hopefully that would help them in a hypothetical love scene. they'll have had meetings and discussions with the directors and intimacy co-ord. it'll be awkward but funny, and if theyre passionate about the scene, it could be fantastic. noah esp seems very invested in this storyline. this could calm finn and make him less self conscious.

i think to practice actual kissing off set could spark a lot of press if anyone found out, and it would also say a lot about the actors as people, esp because noah is out. theyre not really old enough yet to reallyyyyy know who they are, so that would probably cause some confusion. (sorry minors reading who think 21+ people have it all figured out, lol. especially artists/people in showbiz, theyre a mess lol)

that said, if they were super comfy with each other, trying special techniques to break the ice, or rehearsing officially (testing for lighting/camera etc on set), they may well kiss as practice. i just can't see this happening in someone's trailer or something. i mean, that's a great fic idea if you're into finn x noah. but scenes like these can really get under an actor's skin, even experienced ones. it all depends on their mental health and boundaries.

i will say that they would doubtless spend a lot of time blocking the scene, meaning getting in position for technical/camera reasons to make sure nudity is kept to the agreed rules. if scenes like this happen in s5, by the end of shooting, finn and noah will probably be closer than ever and well-acquainted with each other's bodies and selves. its very intimate, but when youre acting with someone you really understand and connect with, your job feels magic - it's amazing. its art.

great question anon! and sorry to burst anyones bubble who just wanted to imagine finn and noah getting it on in someone's trailer and it somehow ending up on noah's tik tok lmao

'guess he's more like mike than i thought'

very interesting points!

[whatstruthgottodowithit]

Santa Bring My Baby Back

Fandom: Actor, American Actor, RPF, Elvis Presley

Pairing: Elvis Presley x Female Reader

Characters: Elvis Presley, Female Reader, Lisa Marie Presley, Jerry Schilling, Red West, Sonny West, Joe Esposito, Memphis Mafia, Lamar Fike

Word Count: 3208 // Rating: Mature

Summary: There’s a new Santa in town but not everyone’s happy with the new change

Tags/ Warnings: Body Issues, Weight Gain, Body Image Issues, Self Loathing, Big Daddy Elvis, Memphis Mafia, Christmas, Christmas at Graceland, Reader is Lisa’s Mother, Kisses, Hugging, Implied Sex, Santa, Dressing Up As Santa, Holiday Party, Fluff, Angst, Snowball Fights, Memphis Mafia [of absolute children], Established Relationship, Marriage, 

Notes: i am currently in love with big daddy Elvis BUT I  got carried away with him being a lil self conscious. This is very a la Dave from Full Monty.

Updated 8/23

‘No, no, it’s okay….’ I said. ‘I don’t know what he was thinking! Nearly 40 and still carrying on like he’s 10!’ Nora sighed. ‘They’re all as bad as one another,’ I chuckled as I remembered watching the snowball fight my husband had been having early this morning with his friends. All party members were married and some even had kids but no. Out in our vast backyard, you’d never know there were actual kids around as the men divided up into teams hell-bent on getting each other as wet and frozen as possible. And it had all been fun and games until Lamar had run off the grass and onto the icy stone patio and gone over on his ankle. The boys had laughed but seeing that he was actually hurt Elvis had insisted that he get checked out at the hospital. Which is why Nora was ringing.

‘Well the doc’s gonna patch him up but he’s not gonna be able to walk on it for a bit at least not without crutches,’ Nora said, ‘so he’s not gonna be able to do it.’ ‘Don’t worry about it,’ I said. ‘He feels awful about letting ya down,’ she said. ‘Well he always does an amazing job but he’s no good to us hobbling about,’ I chuckled, ‘I’m sure it’ll be fine, we’ll sort something out. Just come for the party.’ ‘You sure?’ she said. ‘You didn’t think you’d be banished did you?’ I said rolling my eyes, ‘I’m sure if we station him on the couch with a beer in hand he’ll be fine.’ ‘Yeah, I bet,’ she giggled, ‘I’ll let him know and we’ll be over at six.’ ‘See you then, bye,’ I said getting a goodbye in return. With a sigh, I placed the receiver back in its place. ‘What’s up?’ Jerry said as I did. We were standing in the kitchen putting the finishing touches to the food for tonight. It was for our annual Christmas Party a feat I loved putting together. It was a night of food, booze, family and friends. The kids were even included in the earlier part. Santa would visit and give them all a present each before they’d get to camp out in the basement watching Christmas movies. That was when the adult party started. 

It was a bit merrier. A bit lewder. But it still shared that special something. It was something I was immensely proud of. Except this year had a snag. Our Santa, Lamar for the other 364 days of the year, was no longer in play. ‘Lamar’s sprained his ankle,’ I said continuing to pipe on the cookies I had been sorting out before the phone had rung. ‘Shit,’ Jerry said, ‘he did take quite the tumble.’ ‘Yeah well he sure paid the price for it,’ I said, ‘I mean I don’t know what’s worse the injury or having to tell the doctor he did it in a snowball fight.’ ‘Yeah let’s hope he thought of a cover,’ Jerry chuckled as he wrapped a plate of chicken wings with cling film. ‘Well we’re gonna have to think of one too,’ I said, Jerry’s brows knitted together with confusion, ‘we don’t have a Santa now.’ ‘Oh yeah,’ Jerry said. 

As he did Elvis entered with Red, Sonny and Joe trailing behind him. He came to the counter I was standing at and placed his hand on my hip, pressing a kiss to my temple.

‘Everything ready?’ I asked looking up at him. ‘Yes honey,’ he said with a smirk before he went to grab a coke out of the fridge. The boys stationed themselves around the kitchen looking at the various plates of food already ready to be laid out in the dining room. ‘Good,’ I smiled, ‘because we’ve got a problem.’ ‘Oh?’ Elvis said coming back to me. As he pinched a cookie off the plate I smacked his hand and took it off him, placing it back on the tray. ‘Behave,’ I said warningly earning a smirk from him. ‘God damn dictatorship,’ he mumbled making me roll my eyes. ‘What’s the problem?’ Red asked ignoring us. ‘Lamar’s sprained his ankle,’ Jerry said. ‘I knew he took that fall hard,’ Elvis said, ‘he alright?’ ‘Nora said he’s fine but it means we haven’t got a Santa for tonight,’ I said. ‘Shit yeah,’ Red said, ‘well I’m sure we can find someone to replace him.’ ‘Yeah baby, don’t worry we’ll sort it,’ Elvis said looking at me with a small smile. I turned to look up at him with a hesitant expression. 

‘I was hoping you’d say that,’ I said with a smile. ‘What me?’ he baulked. ‘Well..’ ‘Why would I wanna dress up as Santa?’ he scoffed. ‘Come on EP,’ Red chuckled, ‘we always have a Santa.’ ‘Yeah and it’s always Lamar,’ he said icily. ‘Please baby,’ I said wrapping my arms around his middle. He held me but his face was still contorted in a scowl which was directed towards the boys. I moved one of my hands to his front and tiptoed my fingers up his chest until I was touching his chin, forcing him to look at me, ‘please?’ ‘Why me? Why can’t one of these clowns do it,’ he sighed. ‘Because it’s gotta be perfect,’ I reasoned. ‘Yeah Santa’s rosy-cheeked right?’ Joe said, ‘we send Red in there they’re gonna be thinkin’ Santa’s never seen the sun.’ ‘And we can’t have a Santa that’s shorter than the kids so Joe’s out,’ Red quipped earning a chuckle from Elvis and Jerry. As the pair tussled a little I looked back at Elvis capturing his attention. ‘See? They’re not my big strong Santa,’ I smirked, ‘the one who’d do anything for me right?’ ‘Just the once right?’ he said skeptically. I nodded. He closed his eyes for a moment and then nodded, ‘fine.’

I clapped my hands together and pulled him in for a kiss. Looks like tonight wasn’t going to be a bust after all. 

✵✵✵

The night was going smoothly. Despite the blizzarding snow outside the fire crackled accompanying the holiday records that played through the air. Conversations were working alongside each other, punctuated by the giggles and laughter of the kids who were playing in and out of the living and dining room. Our guests were enjoying themselves and I rested against the archway of our living room so was I. I sipped my glass of champagne and smiled watching it all happen. Then I noticed a figure at the top of the stairs. I looked up to find Red moving at a pace down them, giving me a look as he reached the bottom. 

‘Hey,’ I said grabbing a hold of Lisa and Sandy as they ran by me, ‘come on everyone in the living room.’ ‘Why Mama?’ Lisa said looking up at me with those big blue eyes. ‘Because I think I hear something,’ I said scooping her up and going to sit on the couch. She sat on my knee, her hand on my cheek as she looked around the room. All of the other kids were in the living room now, some clung to parents who had told them to behave and others congregated in the middle questioning why they had been told to stop playing. ‘What is it?’ Cindy, Joe’s daughter said. ‘I hear it too,’ Sonny said. ‘Me too,’ Jerry chuckled as the faint sound of bells echoed outside the room. The room erupted into furious whispers as all the kids exuded excitement. A couple of them scouted out the stairs and spotted ‘Santa’ coming down them. 

‘Is it really Santa Mama?’ Lisa whispered as she peered out into the hallway. ‘It really is baby,’ I said as Elvis appeared at the living room entryway. ‘Hello boys and girls,’ he boomed in a voice unlike his own. Despite his reluctance, he was done up to the nines. His suit was immaculate and the only telltale sign it was him was those shining blue eyes I adored so much. A chorus of ‘hello Santas’ rang back at him. He moved to sit in the chair we had stationed by the tree as some of the bolder kids congregated around him. Lisa stayed on my knee, however, still a little wary. 

‘Now, I’ve been told there are lots of good girls and boys here is that right?’ Elvis said receiving excited shouts from the kids, ‘well that’s very good because I happen to have lots of presents here for those boys and girls!’ Elvis leaned into his sack and pulled out a neatly wrapped parcel. ‘Debbie?’ he asked looking for Joe’s little girl. She pushed through the crowd with a beaming smile and walked right into him as he handed her her gift, ‘here you go sweetheart.’ ‘Thank you Santa,’ she said taking it from his hands and running to her Dad so she could open it, allowing Elvis to dive back inside his sack for the next kid. This had become one of my favourite parts of the party. Though admittedly it had started as a way to get the kids to migrate downstairs I had now come to love it. I picked out presents for each kid, ensuring it was something they really wanted. Santa’s sack would also appear later in the night though those presents were less about the perfect gift and more about what would get a laugh. 

He moved through each present presenting it to every child who ripped them open with enthusiasm. Lisa watched from my knee as every kid got a gift. As he got to the end of the sack she looked up at me worry dancing across her young features. 

‘That seems to be it,’ Elvis said, tying his sack back up. ‘Uh, Santa?’ I said catching his attention and sliding Lisa off my knee, ‘could you please check again? Just in case?’ ‘I don’t think it’ll be any different but okay,’ Elvis said, winking at me as he did an exaggerated look into his bag, ‘oh, I seem to have missed one! This must be for you.’

Lisa turned around to look at me and I nodded encouraging her to go up to him. She walked tentatively forward until she was stood between his legs. ‘And what’s your name little girl?’ he asked. ‘Lisa Marie,’ she said, chewing on her finger nervously. ‘And have you been a good girl this year?’ he asked with a smile. Lisa nodded enthusiastically, ‘well then this must be for you.’ ‘Thank you Santa,’ she said leaning in to give him a kiss on the cheek. Elvis stroked her cheek, pulling back as she ran to me, her gift in her hands. 

‘Look what Santa got me Mama!’ she said. ‘Woah baby!’ I said, ‘we’ll open it in a minute okay?’ ‘Kay,’ she giggled, clutching it to her chest. Elvis stood up and swung his bag over his shoulder. ‘Merry Christmas! I hope you enjoy your presents,’ he said walking away and waving as he did so. The kids waved goodbye though there was certainly less interest in him now they all had their various gifts. I let Lisa open her present, a doll she had been eyeing for months, and then Joan and I shepherded the kids downstairs to the basement which had been decked out for a slumber party. Once they were all situated and the TV was up and running we returned to the party. 

Fortunately, the wrapping paper and boxes had been kindly cleared away and the music was back on full volume. Though as I looked around I noticed something missing. Elvis. I checked the clock which told me I had only been gone ten minutes though I was sure it wouldn’t have taken him that long to get changed. 

‘Where is he?’ I asked Jerry, who was now sitting on the chair Elvis had vacated. ‘He’s not come back down yet I don’t think,’ he shrugged. I nodded and headed to find him. 

He was in our bedroom, sitting on our bed, though I didn’t spot him at first. The lamps were off, the only source of light coming from the bathroom door being open a crack and the low moonlight coming in through the window. I flicked on the lights  and moved to the window to shut the curtains. 

‘Lisa can’t believe she got that doll! Like she hasn’t been asking for it for the past two months!’ I chuckled yet as I turned around my face fell. He was sitting on the bed still in the Santa suit, though the beard and hat were gone now and his jacket was unbuttoned leaving him partially shirtless. He wasn’t looking at me though, his head was hung as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, ‘everything okay?’ ‘Why wouldn’t it be?’ he said with a half-hearted snort. He stood up now, shirking his jacket off and throwing it on the bed. ‘Baby-’ I started but he cut me off. He threw his hands on his hips and looked at me. ‘Why me?’ he said. ‘What?’ ‘Why did you pick me to be Santa?’ he asked. ‘Because it’s our party,’ I said not knowing what he was getting at. ‘So?’ ‘So I wanted it to be good. And I know you’d be good at it,’ I said, confused by his line of questioning, ‘I mean didn’t you see the way those kids looked at you?’ ‘You mean they were happy you managed to find some other fat guy right?’ he spat. ‘What?!’ I asked perplexed. ‘That’s why it had to be me right? Jerry’s too well built, Joe’s too scrawny,’ he said, ‘better get your fat husband to do it.’ ‘That’s not true!’ I protested. ‘No, I’m just you’re ‘big strong Santa’ right?’ he said shaking his head. He sat down on the bed, hanging his head again. My heart squoze tighter in my chest. 

I’d upset him. It wasn't the first time. He was a sensitive man I knew that but I didn’t know he was feeling like this. That however unintentional my words were they’d hurt him. I took a moment, trying to think of what to say, before I moved to stand between his legs, perching on his knee as I forced him to look up at me. The mirth and merriment he had been wearing not ten minutes ago was gone, replaced with sadness.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said quietly, ‘I didn’t mean to upset you…I didn’t notice.’ ‘You didn’t notice I’m the second fattest guy around here now right?’ he scoffed. I placed my hand on his cheek and stroked it gently with my thumb. ‘I didn’t notice that’s how my words might sound….but I didn’t pick you to be Santa because of that. Hell if it was just about getting someone to fit in the damn suit I’d have taped two cushions to Billy and have at it,’ I said. Elvis breathed a small chuckle.

‘I picked you because you have all the qualities I wanted. Kind, loving, mischievous,’ I said with a smile that he returned, the glint in his eye coming back just a tad, ‘I knew those kids would love you as Santa. And I was right. You made them all feel special, especially Lisa. You made her feel like the most important little girl in the world. You made memories she’s gonna have forever.’ ‘You think so?’ he asked quietly, resting his head against mine. ‘I know so,’ I said, ‘because that’s how you make me feel every single day.’ ‘Even looking like this,’ he said moving a hand that was around me so he could gesture to the slight gut protruding over his belt. I placed my hand on his tummy making him drop his gaze. ‘Are you as skinny as the day I fell in love with you? No. Do I love you just as much as I did then? Absolutely. I love you for you Elvis no matter what. Hell, I’m not exactly the same as when we met. She may have been tiny when she was born but my hips ain’t ever going to be the same after that kid of yours,’ I chuckled. ‘Still gorgeous,’ he mumbled into my temple. ‘If you think that then why don’t you think I feel the same about you?’ I said pulling back. He sighed, ‘I meant it when I said you’re my big strong Santa. Because I don’t see those as bad things. It’s not some code word, well, if it is it’s only good things. I like that you’re strong. I like that when you wrap your arms around me I feel safe. That’s what I meant.’

He stayed quiet for a moment and then nodded finally looking at me. I placed my hand on his cheek and pressed a kiss on his forehead before I rested mine against it. 

‘I love you,’ I said. ‘Love you too,’ he whispered kissing me tenderly. After a moment or so I pulled back and slipped off his knee until I was kneeling in between his legs. He raised an eyebrow as I placed my hands on his chest. My words might not have fixed everything but I was determined to get a smile back on his face.

‘You know I realised something when we were downstairs,’ I said absent-mindedly tracing my fingers along his clavicle. ‘Oh yeah?’ he mused. ‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘What’s that?’ he said. ‘I realised I’m not gonna be on the nice list this year,’ I said with an exaggerated sigh. ‘Why’s that honey?’ he said, his lip curling up in a smirk. ‘I don’t think you’re allowed to be if you’ve been having dirty thoughts about Santa,’ I giggled. Elvis chuckled, ‘oh yeah? Like what?’ ‘I think it’s probably best if I show you,’ I said with a smirk as I pushed him back until he was resting against the bed on his elbows, looking down at me as my fingers fiddled with the black belt of his costume. ‘Maybe this whole Santa thing ain’t so bad after all.’

[theteethofgod]

Hi! Anon because I don’t want my friends to know I’m cheating but it’s my turn to curate a double bill for our weekly film night and I’m stumped!! The weeks genre is horror and the theme I pulled out the hat (well, online randomisation website) is “unusual mediums”. Wtf do I do with that!? Please could you suggest two films that work together and also fit the theme 😭😭

obsessed with “anon because i don’t want my friends to know I’m cheating” followed by the most specific problem I’ve ever read.

but I got you. you’re gonna do Stop Motion (2023) and then Mad God (2021). both are available on Shudder. Stop Motion overextends itself in a few places and as such is kind of hit or miss (i liked it, didn’t love it but would watch it again with the right people) but Mad God is fantastic. Think of it as set up and pay off - starting with a self conscious, if on the nose reflection on auteurship through the medium of animation and then just overdosing on just how fucking cool it can be.

hope this helps<3

[turtledude]

Personal headcanons for 2012 tmnt turtles. Fluff 🌸

(T-CEST DNI!)

Raph

-secretly loves rom-com but will never tell a soul

-bonus: Mikey found out when he snuck into raphs room and saw him crying while watching the titanic, he never let him live it down

-has way to many protein shakes

-doesn’t like chocolate but LOVES sour candy

-he loves punk rock but occasionally lets his inner swifty out

-color blind because I said so and it somehow makes sense

-hyper active adhd

-Donnie had to explain pronouns to him. He understood pretty quick but didn’t think much of it. He probably wouldn’t care if someone used she/her on him but he prefers he/him

-he doesn’t like to verbally apologize but if he makes one of his brothers upset on accident he’ll leave a note in their room saying he was sorry and that if they told anyone he apologized they would face his rath

-gets really sad if an animal doesn’t like him but pretends he doesn’t care. (Def a dog person but likes cats)

-I also see him as Demi-romantic and bi. He can’t see a relationship happening if he doesn’t trust you or know you well enough, so I think it fits him(yes I know he fell really quickly for Mona but that doesn’t matter shh)

Donnie

-loves cucumber water

-fav movies are horror films

-he always points out the mistakes if the gore doesn’t look accurate

-I headcanon that when Donnie was younger one of his teeth was loose and Raph like tied a string to it and a door to get it out but it was the wrong tooth. Raph still feels bad about that(I got this idea from a fan made comic but I forgot which)

-He’s autistic you can’t prove to me she’s not

-he’s had a wide range of special intrests which is why they know a lot of random stuff.

-they already knew about pronouns and think any fit him, but it took her a while to realize her sexuality

-bi king

-he’s scared of dogs, def a cat person

-doesn’t like the texture of meat that much

-he often makes things for her brothers to show he cares for them. Time and gift giving is the way they show affection

-not used to physical touch but loves hugs, especially Mikey’s hugs. She finds it really sweet

Mikey

-they love pickles so much (probably tried it on pizza while his brothers just looked horrified in the distance)

-lactose intolerant but doesn’t care (his brothers suffer for it)

-def still watches my little pony (me too it’s okay)

-innetentive adhd

-forgets things constantly but always feels bad about it

-Raphs gotten into the habit of reminding him about stuff and Mikey really appreciates it

-loves action films but thinks horror is too scary

-their pan like I just can’t see it any other way

-bros got rizz with everyone/j

-doesn’t really care about pronouns but prefers they/he

-he prefers cats over dogs but still thinks dogs are cute

-their very physically affectionate and hugs their brothers as much as they’ll let him cough* Raph

-listens to music when he’s upset

-if he makes one of his brothers upset they get really mad at himself, they’ll constantly apologize and try to make them feel better

Leo

-autistic and his special interest is space hero’s

-loves action and comedy movies(even better when it’s a mix)

-he hates mayonnaise, idk he just looks like he hates it.

-the type of guy to eat ranch on his pizza

-he’s gay your honor

-whenever he tries to act serious his brothers try to mess with him and make him laugh, it works everytime

-he’s trans and uses he/him cause I’m right

-literally cannot decide whether he likes cats or dogs more

-even though he tries to be mature, he can pretty hot headed sometimes. He’s also stubborn so if you make him mad it will take a bit before he apologizes

-but even with that if he calms down and realizes he actually upset his brothers or friends, he’s gonna apologize. He doesn’t want to ruin a relationship just because he’s stubborn

-he has scars from fighting and sometimes feels a little self conscious about them, but Raph always tells him they look cool and it actually makes him like them more

[mattnben-bennmatt]

Ben Affleck, at the top of his game

Entertainment Weekly (11 January 2022)

The actor-director has seen fame from both sides now — and he's ready to talk (with Matt Damon, and us) about it.

By Leah Greenblatt

-

It's one of those endless blue-haze days in Los Angeles, and Ben Affleck is leaning back on the diving board of a borrowed Bel Air estate to catch the sun, his long torso arced like a bell curve. For a moment it seems like he might actually fall in, bringing a precariously perched photographer and several yards of creamy, expensive-looking knitwear with him. But his balance is better than it looks: Affleck, 49, has walked the plank many times before, and tumbled from greater heights than this. He's also climbed back up again, a story of outsize stardom and second chances played out in the public eye for nearly three decades now.

After a mid-career swerve toward directing films like Gone Baby Gone, The Town, and Argo (for which he won Best Picture), the actor has returned to his first love, turning in fresh, revelatory performances in Ridley Scott's medieval epic The Last Duel and George Clooney's warmhearted drama The Tender Bar. To mark the occasion, Affleck's erstwhile creative partner and oldest friend in the business, Matt Damon (it's been 24 years since they took home their Best Original Screenplay Oscar for Good Will Hunting, how do you like them apples?), sat down to discuss life, love, and all the roles — School Ties, Armageddon, and yes, even Gigli — that made the man. —Leah Greenblatt

MATT DAMON: Ben Affleck, it's great to see you here today.

BEN AFFLECK: Hey there, man! Welcome to the red carpet. Before we get into your project, who are you sleeping with?

[Laughs] Well we're here to talk about The Tender Bar, a movie directed by George Clooney which you star in. I guess I first became aware of it when you called me very excited that you read a great script that Bill Monahan wrote and George offered you a job. I promptly called George and he said that it was because you were cheaper than me. But as the month went on, I started to wonder if he was telling me the entire truth.

He told me that you argued too much. "I got tired of dealing with Damon's bull----. You're gonna do what I tell you, right?"

How was I going to just take his notes and not say anything? But you said you received some of the best direction of your career from Georgie, so I was wondering if you could help people understand what that means.

Well, first of all, because you'd worked with George, I had worked with George, I knew him well and liked him quite a bit. You've always been very smart about picking great directors, and lucky that good directors have picked you. I feel like you really understood that very early on and how well it served you, and I remember George being somebody about whom you just raved.

So aside from being deeply jealous and developing a sense of inadequacy and self-loathing, I did think, "Oh, that would be nice one day, if that happened to me." So when he just called me out of the blue — you know how rare it is that a finished, wonderful script shows up with a really great director, and all you have to do is to just basically be conscious and sentient and say yes.

I mean, especially today, right?

Yeah, I knew that this was kind of mine to screw up. I couldn't imagine there wasn't a long line of people that wanted to take this part, so I really respected his confidence and faith in me, and I wanted to do well for him. I wanted to do it for myself. There's an emotional scene in the end where I give the kid [Tye Sheridan] a car, and every time I read the script, I cried. So I showed up and I really got ready and did my thing. We did the first take and I thought, God, this is it. This is all working. George came over and he said, "Yeah... Giving a car to someone is supposed to be fun."

That's what he said?

I was like, "Right, yes, of course. I've been playing it completely wrong." Other directors can talk to you for an hour and a half and it doesn't seem clear what they're driving at, whereas George has this gift of succinctness and insight. But also just being directed by somebody who's done this job that I've been trying to do for, I don't know, 30 years, is such a comfort and a relief.... My dad worked in a bar, as you know. All that stuff was very familiar to me. So my only concern was, "Should I be working harder than this? It shouldn't feel this smooth."

I've always said, as an actor, your only excuse for not being good is "I didn't know what movie I was in."

It's interesting, because that was the very first thing George did. I mean, a director's job in large measure is tone. Is it more comic? More serious? For me, every time I work with a director that I really admire, and even some I don't — I can learn from negative examples, too — but I just feel like I become a much better director.

I remember Francis [Ford Coppola] sold these little cigars at his winery that are called Carmine Thrifties, they're named after his father. And on the side of the box, it says, "Steal from the best." Which brings me to my next question: Is there anything you're going to carry forward into your own directing coming out of this experience?

I think it's hard to overestimate the degree to which a director's attitude, openness, comfort, generosity pervades the set and sets a tone. George does that better than I do. And he was enormously respectful of the degree to which I take very seriously my need to be there with my children for my half of the custody. I mean, he bent over backwards. You didn't have to be there until midnight every night [or] obliterate the rest of your life in order to do this. Because he's got this spectacular wife, he's got his children, he's got a very rich, full life. He's got to sell coffee—

He sells tequila, too.

Tequila and coffee. That's no joke.

He's got you in the morning and the night.

I'll tell you what I want to be. I want to be George Clooney selling coffee and tequila. Because that really frees you up to do the movies you want to do.

So speaking of awesome actors, I've been tasked with going all the way back to the beginning of your career.

Don't be afraid to relieve yourself of some of that burden, if it feels unduly burdensome.

I take my job very seriously here at Entertainment Weekly.

That's what I'm afraid of.

But before we go back to where it started, let's talk for a second about where you are. Do you attribute it to just, "You play in traffic long enough, you're bound to get hit by some cars?" Is that why your performances are so good of late? Like what you did in The Way Back and The Last Duel. It's full, it's rich, it's invested. It's right. And you're not reaching.

Thank you. That means a lot. Sometimes people will go, "You know, you've really gotten better as you were older," which sometimes feels like "You're not that bad-looking in person! You're not as stupid as I thought you were!" I have some performances as a younger person that I really liked. I knew [Good Will Hunting's] Chuckie Sullivan. I felt an affinity for Ned Alleyn in Shakespeare in Love, and really connected with the character in Chasing Amy.

Changing Lanes! You were great in that one.

That's where I met Bradley [Cooper], actually. Starting off, you have these ideas about success. You know, my mother made $28,000 a year. So I would be like, "How could I justifiably say no to this?" Just not understanding the value of turning things down. People talk about your choices and I want to say, "Well, it's not like I was passing on Scorsese movies." Like, "No, Marty, I'm good. I'm going to do Surviving Christmas." Part of our fates are controlled by the opportunities we have in terms of material and directors.

Absolutely.

That's a big one. And then also, I've always felt more comfortable playing characters that weren't the traditional kind of protagonist. You do this much better than I do, and it's not a backhanded compliment because you find a way to make characters interesting and flawed and real. Because you can't, as a storyteller, alienate the audience from your protagonist. Then you're just watching a movie about somebody you're either judging or don't like or don't believe. And that just blows the whole thing up.

It's deceptively difficult to play the leading-man role. It's like Denzel [Washington], you just can't help but like him and want to be him and admire him. That's a level of being interesting so that you draw people in. One of the nice things about getting older, if you're lucky, is you stop bulls---ting yourself and you start going, You know, I actually know where my feelings are. And the more I figured it out, the more accessible that was. I know what painful is and I know what disillusioned is and I know what ambivalent is, I know what nostalgia is.

Right.

I had a really nadir experience around Justice League for a lot of different reasons. Not blaming anybody, there's a lot of things that happened. But really what it was is that I wasn't happy. I didn't like being there. I didn't think it was interesting. And then some really s---ty things, awful things happened. But, that's when I was like, I'm not going to do that anymore.

In fact, I talked to you about it and you were a principal influence on that decision. I want to do the things that would bring me joy. Then we went and did Last Duel and I had fun every day on this movie. I wasn't the star, I wasn't likable. I was a villain. I wasn't all the things I thought I was supposed to be when I started out and yet it was a wonderful experience. And it was all just stuff that came along that I wasn't chasing.

My only thing is that now I live in fear every time I do another movie, I'm like, Do I still feel that, am I still good? I'm afraid it's going to go away, you know? 'Cause it's elusive. But I'm happy now. I'm feeling it now. And I do think I've gotten better. I think people generally get better with the age and experience—

Some might not. They might get in really bad, corrosive habits.

If you're smart, you learn from people who are really good. And I think our friendship helped kind of inculcate that knowledge in me. We were very generous and open with stuff. Being around other people that you liked and respected and were smart just made you better.

You said to me and I've always repeated it — I mean this is when we started writing together, you were 20 and I was 22 — really starkly, you were like, "Judge me for how good my good ideas are and not how bad my bad ideas are."

Everyone's got bad ideas. Like David Fincher, who is brilliant, every now and again, you go, "Hmm, I don't know." But then you find out he has the humility to go, "Oh, huh."

I remember that with the Coen brothers, more than once. One of them would come up and give me a note after a take and then the other one would be off talking to another actor and would come up and give me the exact opposite note. And without fail, I would always say, "Joel, Ethan just told me the opposite thing," or "Ethan, Joel just told me to do the opposite thing." And no matter who it was, the second guy would say, "Oh yeah, do what he said." [Laughs]

Let me ask you a question about the business before I start running these old movies by you. Given The Last Duel, which I'm drinking my tea and shamelessly promoting with a Last Duel mug that I made...

Did you hand-paint it? Matt Damon, hold the mug!

Obviously it was a box office failure. But interestingly enough, it's number one on iTunes. So it means that there is an audience, just one that was unwilling to go in the middle of a pandemic to the theater. How does that make you feel, coming out with another drama — did COVID just accelerate something that was going to take 10 or 15 years, or is it coming back?

You know, I won't hedge, because that's always boring. I will say, when The Way Back came out, it was released the week they closed the theaters [for the pandemic]. But even before then I knew this movie about grief and a child dying and alcoholism and recovery is just not going to get adults in the seats. We were just talking about Narcos: Mexico, Succession, Mare of Easttown. There's these amazing things being done on streamers. Roma! It's not just some formulaic TV procedural like when we were kids. And you could only watch it like my dad, on an 11-inch black-and-white TV.

If I had to bet, a drama like Argo would not be made theatrically now. That wasn't that long ago. It would be a limited series. I think movies in theaters are going to become more expensive, event-ized. They're mostly going to be for younger people, and mostly about "Hey, I'm so into the Marvel Universe, I can't wait to see what happens next." And there'll be 40 movies a year theatrically, probably, all IP, sequel, animated.

The Last Duel really clinched it for me. I've had bad movies that didn't work and I didn't blink. I know why people didn't go — because they weren't good. But I liked what we did. I like what we had to say. I'm really proud of it. So I was really confused. And then to see that it did well on streaming, I thought, "Well, there you go. That's where the audience is."

Heading back into a time machine now—

If I thought I was going to be held accountable for these movies 20 years later...

Thirty years, dude. Thirty. Let's start with School Ties because that was the first time we did a feature film together. What do you remember?

I knew my nine lines back to front. I loved every day I was on a call sheet, every day I got to come to work. You were there, in Boston. It was one of the best experiences of my life.

Even by the dump in Lowell. Remember?

We literally were next to a dump and thought we were kings. I knew I was playing the one s---ty anti-Semitic bully character, so I figured it was probably not going to be great for me career-wise, but I loved it.

I wasn't in this, but Dazed and Confused, that was your first time working with and meeting Rick Linklater and all those guys.

He was a model to us as we looked around and thought for the first time, "Maybe we can make our own movie," you know? You can do Reservoir Dogs or Slacker or Clerks or Do the Right Thing. People were kind of working outside of the system, and that was inspiring.

Look, it's a bunch of 19-year-old kids shooting nights in a party scene in Texas. So it was barely distinguishable, the time at the hotel and the time on the set. I got to know Matthew [McConaughey] when he was first starting out. Rory [Cochrane], I stayed friends with him, he was in Argo. Anthony Rapp and Joey Lauren Adams and Renée Zellweger, it was just an abundance of riches.

And then it bombed. Bombed! Nobody saw the movie, but it got great reviews. I remember there was a [former EW film critic] Owen Gleiberman review saying "Once every decade..." and I thought this was hyperbole. But it ended up being true, it's a real cult movie that people still talk about and I'm glad to be a part of it. And again, I was the single unappealing character in a movie of enormously appealing people. So not a great career strength. [Laughs]

Well now, speaking of DIY filmmaking: Mall Rats. You obviously have got to talk about Kevin [Smith], but maybe fold them all in because you've got Chasing Amy, too.

I was, once again, playing the bully, running around, throwing people into their lockers. But I liked Kevin. He's funny and smart and charming. We got along.

Kevin also saved Good Will Hunting. This is not a small side note. He is the reason Good Will Hunting got made. We were dead in the water, all the offers had evaporated.

I promised him I would thank him if we ever got an Oscar and promptly forgot. And then I told him, "If I ever win again I swear to God I'm going to thank you." Forgot again.

Kevin and Gus [Van Sant, Good Will's director] and Robin [Williams] were equally important. And I think Francis [Ford Coppola] vouched for me with Robin.

God, he was a wonderful guy. And funny! It was the first time I ever got to hang out with somebody that talented and that famous. I remember walking down the street in Boston with him, he had done Good Morning, Vietnam and Awakenings and Fisher King and all that. And all everybody in Boston would say was "Nanu, nanu."

Yeah.

Mork from Ork.

Mork! But he did do that — he would just do take after take after take because that beautiful brain of his would always come up with something different to do.... So from there, I remember when you got Armageddon. We got split where people went, "Oh, well, Ben's the big movie guy. And Matt's the serious guy," because I did Saving Private Ryan. But the fact was that we were desperate to get another job, and I would've happily taken Armageddon. You would've happily taken Saving Private Ryan. I remember I was shooting [The Talented Mr.] Ripley in Italy when that thing opened, and it was a massive hit. That was a terrific cast.

Yeah, Bruce Willis, Owen Wilson, Billy Bob [Thornton], Mike Duncan. This was real Hollywood, which I felt like I had never seen. They dug out two stages of Disney for huge asteroid craters, and I didn't even think about the fact that the basic premise of the movie was totally absurd.

Why are they training oil drillers to be astronauts rather than astronauts to be oil drillers? You would think the learning curve would be somewhat more steep on the oil-drillers-to-astronauts route. But it was fun and the right time. It's funny, Bruce dropped out of a movie, and as the deal for dropping out of this movie that wasn't working is that we get to put you in two movies, and they put him in Armageddon and The Sixth Sense.

Oh my God, really?

Yes! And I was a little naive about the opinions people would form about me. Or Michael [Bay] and Jerry [Bruckheimer]'s focus on aesthetics, like, "You guys gotta go to the tanning bed!" They made me fix my teeth and work out and be sexy. Be sexy, how do I do that? "Go to the gym!" Running in the gym and putting oil on my body and stuff, and it just turned out to be a long-form version of one of those male topless calendars, in a garage, carrying a tire, kind of greased up. Michael had a vision of a glistening male torso in the oil, and he was like, "That's going to go in the trailer and sell tickets!" And you know, what can you say? We could have made, I think, 400 Chasing Amys for what we made Armageddon for.

It's funny because that's the one movie of mine that my kids have watched and they'll kind of all admit to liking, even though they relentlessly mock it and me. "What are you, driving a tank on the moon?" But they had fun, you know what I mean? They won't even watch The Town. So there you have it.

My kids won't watch my stuff, either. All right, wow, they have a lot of movies they want me to ask you about.

Skip to the ones that are interesting.

Let's touch on Gigli because it's directed by one of our favorite directors, Marty Brest. Where does it sit with you now?

You know, it's an interesting thing because it was a really easy choice. I loved Midnight Run. I loved Beverly Hills Cop. I loved Scent of a Woman. Marty's obviously enormously gifted. There's no question in my mind that this was a guy I wanted to work with. There was wonderful stuff in there. There are things where my daughter will be like, "This is ableist and disgusting," and okay. The way we see stuff has changed a little bit, or a lot in some cases. And there are things that seemed they could work at the time and don't in retrospect.

But really, the truth about that movie and what it taught me was how much everything around a movie sort of dictates the way people see it. But for being a movie that's such a famous bomb and a disaster, very few people actually saw the movie. It doesn't work, by the way. It's a sort of horse's head in a cow's body. And the studio at the time, because I had begun having this relationship with Jennifer Lopez, which was selling a lot of magazines and appeared to generate a lot of enthusiasm, they just predictably latched onto, "They want a romantic comedy. They want the two of them together. More of that!" And it was just like that SNL sketch: "Bad Idea."

But even movies like The Sum of All Fears that worked commercially but didn't have any depth to them, I didn't do anything particularly interesting in them. [Gigli] didn't work and we did five weeks of reshoots, which we knew were not gonna work. It was a movie that didn't work.... Interestingly, I learned more about directing on that movie than anything else because Marty is a brilliant director, really gifted. It's not like it's worse than all... there's a bunch of horrible movies and in terms of losing money, I've had five movies — at least! — that have lost more money than Gigli has.

It's just that it became a story in and of itself. The funny name, the Jennifer Lopez romance and overexposure of that, it was kind of a perfect storm. And I remember talking to Marty the Friday it came out and I was like it's just spectacular, it's a tsunami, it couldn't be worse. This is as bad as it gets.

I thought my job was to be a cipher. I can see now how people looked at me and thought of this person as some callow frat guy who's cavalier, or has too much. It engendered a lot of negative feelings in people about me. There's that aspect of people that I got to see that was sad and hard, it was depressing and really made me question things and feel disappointed and have a lot of self-doubt. But if the reaction to Gigli hadn't happened, I probably wouldn't have ultimately decided, "I don't really have any other avenue but to direct movies," which has turned out to be the real love of my professional life. So in those ways, it's a gift. And I did get to meet Jennifer, the relationship with whom has been really meaningful to me in my life.

I remember you saying to me at that time — probably around the opening weekend, and I never forgot it — you said, "I'm in the worst possible place you can be. I can sell magazines, but not movie tickets."

Yeah. I remember feeling like it was the worst of both worlds. I always viewed it that the tax you paid to get the chance to do this work was to sacrifice your private life, and people were going to have license to make sport of you to some degree. And I didn't go into it blindly. I knew that Sean Penn and Madonna were a tabloid story when I was young. I knew that could happen. Jennifer and I happened to be together at a time where the whole industry of celebrity journalism, if you want to call it that, sort of exploded. But I thought, "S---, this is really not how I had hoped to go, where I'm going to be, what? Famous for being an a--hole or a failure and not able to work?"

I can't think of a worse outcome. Because I've never found any virtue in fame at all. I've probably gotten out of a couple of [traffic] tickets. I've gotten reservations at restaurants. But the whole point was to be able to do this job. That was it. Otherwise, what is it worth? It's corrosive. It changes the relationships you have with other people. But one of the things that time showed me is that it is those moments of crisis or pain or perspective that are strong enough to make you go, "F--- it. Well, this doesn't work. I've got to do something different." I've definitely learned more from failure than I have from success.

Yeah. Well, we're not ending on the note of failure because the postscript to the story is, after 2006, you became a world-renowned director. You won an Academy Award for Best Picture, which is really the highest mountaintop in our business. I'm wrapping this up because I'm late for dinner. My kids are staring at me through the window.

I know how it goes.

But you've had a remarkable last decade and a half that is culminating with some of your best acting work that you've ever done and The Tender Bar is another example of that. And I dare say your writing is pretty damn good. I was really proud of the work you did on The Last Duel.

I love you, man. I want you to do all my interviews. Are you cheap? [Laughs]

I'm free, actually. I'm free.

To be honest... Thank you. It's true, it ends on a much happier note. Not easy and not always smooth, but good. I don't know that that would've been possible for me alone, doing this job in this world without somebody I grew up with who I loved, who I knew loved me and had my back, who believed in me, and whom the popularity of my movies or what people said about me wasn't going to change what they thought about me.

This friendship has been essential and defining and so important to me in my life. There were a few critical times, which are private and I don't want to share, but where your support was so profoundly meaningful to me that I don't think I would've been able to be successful without it. So let me take this opportunity to thank you—

—in a Zoom interview. [Laughs] Congratulations on another great piece of work, and I hope people go see The Tender Bar. We've just got to get people to see the movies.

Well, that may go away, but we'll always be good. And we'll finally have figured it out when we hit the dinner-theater circuit.

We're each a fan club of one for the other. All right, man. I love you.

I love you, buddy.