#I was serious about my little tv shows being treats that are getting me through each half of a week

[golden--flowers]

Nooo I was having an autistic and depressy moment about the show I was counting on watching today not having a new episode so I took a nap to feel better and now it's too close to sunset to take a walk...

[hobie-enthusiast]

UNLIKELY CLASH !

— rulebreaker!hobie brown x perfectionist!gn!reader

— enemies to lovers, swearing (more than last and fuck too), mutual pining, making out, small bit of harassment, rebellious teens, confused feelings, getting together

— hobie brown was everything you weren’t, so maybe that’s what attracted the two of you together so well (pt. 2)

— here part two gang! honestly i have an idea for part three in mind but if that’s something u honestly want pls lmk asap

— part 1 | part 2 (here) | part 3

The next couple of weeks were.. odd between you and Hobie.

Even after a heartfelt confession about the pressure you felt, you still had a reputation to uphold. You kept treating him the way you normally did; ignoring him and pretending he didn’t exist.

At first, this didn't really bother Hobie. He was used to chasing after you, messing with you and poking fun at the student council president. But he was getting bored. The small bits of making you late to class or taking up your time were amusing, but he wanted more of a reaction from you.

When he started interacting less and less, you grew confused. As much as you hated to admit it, you liked the attention and small interactions.

Though it was small, being late and skipping class (very rarely at this point), made you excited. It made you feel.. alive in a way.

But all that was dissipating. And you were upset about it.

You sat in your room after a long school day, mindlessly scrolling through your computer. Your parents had asked that you try and find a prom outfit, but that became boring really quick. You could never wear something truly exciting; just some fancy outfit plain coloured with fancy hair.

A knock on your window startled you from your thoughts. Glancing out, you see Hobie looking in, motioning for you to open the window. You walk over confused, deciding to open the window.

"Brown? It's.." You glance back at your alarm clock. "..10 pm. What are you doing here?"

"Awe, come on sweetheart. After such a confession, shouldn't we be on a first name basis?" He says, inviting himself into your room.

You scoff. "One, no, as you don't use my first name. And two, you can't be here! My parents are right down the hall!"

Hobie shrugged as he looked around your room, analyzing the decor. He noticed the clean desk you had, along with a neat bookshelf of many scientific books and knick-knacks. It suited you, every detail down to the way your game console sat neatly on your TV stand, not a speck of dust in sight.

"Did you show up just to judge my room?"

Hobie shook his head. "Nah, came t' ask ya somethin'." He said, sitting on your desk chair. "Up for an adventure?"

"Excuse me?" You question, taking a seat across from him on your bed. "When?"

"Now."

You know Hobie was.. absolutely crazy in some ways. But this? Going on a random adventure on a Friday night, and asking the person he wants to go with by entering their room via window was.. not the kind of crazy you would categorize him as.

You raise your eyebrows, crossing your arms. "You serious right now?"

"As serious as I always am." He responds with a shrug. "'s up to you. We'll be gone 'till tomorrow. Either 'u're up for a challenge or not."

A challenge he says? Hobie knew that you could be riled up from being challenged to do something. Perfectionists always had to win in his eyes.

And he was right.

"Give me five minutes."

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Next thing you knew, you were on a train from your isolated little town to Brooklyn itself. Hobie blindly led you onto a train, told you to not worry about tickets, then let the train take you both to the destination in mind.

Of course Hobie remembered what you said at the tree. He had been holding onto it for a while now. He knew you wanted to go to a city, do whatever you wanted, just for a little bit. And he was going to be the one to give that to you. Why? Well, that's a question he couldn't answer for himself.

"Brooklyn?" You questioned, looking out of the train window. "Why Brooklyn?"

"You said it under the tree. Ya wanted to go to the city, no?"

You nodded slowly, looking back out the window with a small smile. Of course you were flattered that he remembered your words. At least, you were hoping he did, you practically poured your feelings out.

Once the train stopped, you both stepped out of the station to admire the tall buildings towering over you. Hobie couldn’t help but be amused at the way your eyes shined at the new scenery. He practically came here everyday.

But he couldn’t tell you that. Not without plausible answers to the inevitable questions.

“So..” You turn to look at him, eyes still bright. “What do we do?”

He shrugs, hands in his vest pockets. “Whatever ya want. ‘s ‘ur day, no?”

"But I don't know where to go. I've never been to the city before."

Hobie's eyes widened for a moment, shocked at your words. You were really so sheltered you hadn't been to the city right beside your town? The thought alone was crazy to Hobie. He never understood why adults were so.. controlling.

He sighs, walking ahead. "Follow me then. I'll show ya ‘round."

And so you did just that. You followed Hobie around the city, taking in the sights he's showing you. All around the city, passing and weaving through people, making sure you had a nice time.

There was something you noticed. Before Hobie took you somewhere, he provided you with options on where to go. He didn't force you to go one place with him. He didn't strictly follow an itinerary. He always asked what you wanted to do, giving you full control of the day.

It was.. refreshing. This sense of freedom was exactly what you needed. To feel the fresh air of the city without worrying about impressing anyone. Hobie wasn't judging you, and you certainly weren't judging yourself.

The end of the day came quicker than your liking, and the two of you were on the rooftop of an apartment complex. The sun was setting behind the tall buildings, and Hobie brought the two of you some noodles to eat (he definitely didn't steal them).

You take a bite, setting the cup down with a sigh. "Today was.. actually really nice. I don't think I ever felt that, free before, if that makes sense?"

"Don't worry, you can say it." Hobie said, nudging your arm.

You roll your eyes with a small smile. "Mm.. guess I can. Thanks, Brown."

"Y'know, you can call me 'obie, swee'heart." He responded, shrugging. "'s better than m' last name, I think."

"I can't give you that satisfaction. Not yet."

Hobie raised an eyebrow, a shit-eating smirk crossing his face. "Yet?"

You're ready to correct yourself, but the words die in your throat. You couldn't help but like the sound of "yet". It meant more time with Hobie.. and you enjoyed that. Hobie's company was something you were starting to crave. Almost like a drug.

Hobie glanced over at you. "Gotta admit, didn't expect ya t' come with me. Considerin' 'ur parents don't know ya snuck out."

“Yeah well..” You sigh, looking out onto the building with a soft smile. “Maybe I just needed something different.” You finish, looking over at Hobie.

You’re suddenly very aware of how close the two of you are to each other. Hobie’s eyes flicker; your eyes, your mouth, and back a couple times. It’s almost like.. he was asking you for something. The longer you both stared, the more tempted he became, and you honestly couldn’t blame him.

So why did you pull away?

As soon as he started leaning in, you pulled back, clearing your throat. His eyes widen before narrowing, scoffing gently. Guess he misread the situation.

You really couldn’t tell him he didn’t.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The next weeks Hobie Brown didn’t show up to school.

You had a feeling you were the cause. Brushing him off like that was such a dick move on your part. You knew that. You wanted nothing more than to find him and run to him, kissing him like there was no tomorrow.

But you couldn’t. You had an image to maintain. A reputation. All the trust you worked so hard to accumulate would go down the drain in an instant.

Of course.. Hobie may be worth that.

Hobie to you is worth that risk. All his rule breaking and crazed adventures are just what you need in your life. Something that gives you the freedom you longed for.

But you had to go and screw it up. And now here you were, three weeks after the incident, at your locker with a guy trying to talk you up.

“C’mon, [Name], just one night! It’ll change your life!”

You groan, slamming the locker shut. “Dude, I said no. Can you stop?”

“Why? I gotta know why!” He persisted, grabbing your wrist as you tried walking away.

You yank your arm away, trying to escape. “I don’t owe you that! Let me go.”

“Not until you-”

“Hey.”

You turn at the sudden voice, shocked at who it belonged to. There stood Hobie Brown, eyes filled with anger.

“They said, let go.” He said, grabbing the guy’s arm and yanking it away. “Learn t’ take a hint, aye?”

The guy’s eyes narrowed. “And who do you think you are, Brown? Their boyfriend?”

“As a matter of fac’-”

Then, Hobie turns you to him, bringing your lips to his. No warning, no asking, nothing. Just does what he’s been craving after three weeks of disappearance.

Everyone in the hallway around you two watched with shocked faces. Nobody could have seen this coming, not even you.

A thousand thoughts rushed through your head as Hobie kissed you, but one screamed to push away. So you did, giving him a shocked look before grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the scene. You drag him to a storage closet, shutting the door.

“Brown, what the hell was that?!” You immediately ask, eyes narrowed. “What, do you disappear for three weeks then kiss every person you were hanging out with? What the hell?”

Hobie sighed, leaning against a shelf behind him. “Guy needed t’ be taught a lesson. Made sure he won’t bother ya.”

“I can do that on my own!” You respond, shoving an accusing finger in his chest. “Where have you been?!”

“Thinkin’.” Is all he responds with.

You groan. “For three weeks? Shit Hobie, I..” You words fall short. You want to say it.. squeeze it out. “I.. missed you.”

Hobie’s eyes widened as he takes in your words. You.. missed him? He never would have seen this coming; a confession from the president in a dingy storage closet? Not on his bucket list.

Your eyes watch Hobie, doing that same pattern he did on the rooftop; eyes, mouth, eyes. You wanted to kiss him again.. feel those lips again on yours. No.. you needed it.

You know what? Fuck this perfect image.

You grab onto Hobie's vest, pulling him in to connect your lips. Your rough with your movements at first, closing your eyes tightly and latching onto him with a white-knuckle grip. Hobie's eyes widened for a moment before they showed a more prideful look, kissing you back with just as much emotion.

His hands find placement on your lower back, pulling you into him as the kiss escalates from one to many. Hobie was like a starved man, slotting his leg in between yours to support you, pushing you back against the shelf and knocking over some cleaning supplies.

That could be fixed later.

Your original intention of one passionate kiss to show him how you felt turned into many heated kisses. The bell for class was drowned out by how into the moment you both were.

“Fuck.. Hobie..” You whisper, diving back in for another kiss.

Hobie groaned in turn, pulling you impossibly closer. “Shit sweetheart.. can’t say m’ name like that.”

“Hmm.. why’s that..?”

“‘s gonna drive me crazy..”

Suddenly, the doorknob to the closet rattles, causing you both to pull away. Your eyes go wide as Hobie grabs it from where he stands, bringing one finger to his lips to make you stay quiet.

The person on the other side tries to open the door, but ultimately fails. They groan and mumble something before walking away. Hobie looks over at your expression, a small laugh escaping his lips.

“Let’s get out of here, yeah?” He whispers, planting a kiss to your jaw. “Or are ya gonna keep pretendin’ you’re too good for it?”

You sigh, rolling your eyes as you take his hand. "Nah, not this time. Come on."

some ppl who wanted to be tagged (🫶): @serenn08 | @rksses | @youronlyauthor | @dotheyevenknowmars | @xoxobabe

[nicksnosering]

I Hate Myself For Loving You

~Toxic Chris Sturniolo One Shot~

TW: toxic! chris, marijuana, no aftercare, chris is a dick

This is my first story I've ever posted on tumblr, so pls be nice!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

me: hey, you coming over tonight?

read at 9:06pm

It’s been 4 hours since I sent that text, and almost 2 since it was marked as ‘read’. I bit my lip, sighing as the internal debate on whether I should double text or not was practically eating me alive. Grabbing my phone that I’d been trying too hard to ignore off of my nightstand, I swiped it open and decided fuck it.

me: christopher. stop ignoring me.

The response came through almost immediately.

DO NOT ANSWER: why?

I rolled my eyes, pushing aside my pride as I sent my next message.

me: just come over.

DO NOT ANSWER: i’m busy.

me: doing what, fucking ur other bitches?

DO NOT ANSWER: yeppppp

me: ok 👌🏼

I groan out of frustration, throwing my phone back onto my nightstand. God, he’s infuriating. We’ve been fucking for close to five months now, and every time it seemed like there was any sort of breakthrough, like maybe he actually liked me or cared about me, we went right back to where we started. I press play on the remote, but my mind is spinning far too fast for me to actually focus on the TV.

I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. If he’s going to treat me like an option instead of a priority, he can go fuck himself. I grab my phone off of my nightstand again, hovering over his name before shaking my head and pressing ‘Block Contact’. Just like that, five months down the drain. 

I ignore the aching feeling in my chest, like I’m about to be ripped open from the inside, snuggling further in my sheets and letting the warmth envelop me before slowly drifting off to sleep.

The peacefulness of being unconscious didn’t last long. 

I woke to the sound of my front door being pounded on so hard, the hinges sounded like they were about to fly off. I turn and check the time on my phone blearily, the screen reading 2:13am. I pull the covers off and pad over to the door, rubbing my eye as I unlock it. The door immediately opens, and I look up to find Chris staring at me, eyes slightly red and hair messy. His jaw is clenched and his eyes are narrowed, briefly looking me up and down before brushing past me and walking straight into my living room.

“Get out, Chris,” I say tiredly, vaguely gesturing toward the open door I’m still holding.

“Nah, I’m good,” he responds, falling back onto my couch and kicking his feet up, resting them on the coffee table. His hands go into his hoodie pocket, and I watch as he pulls out a preroll and a lighter.

“I’m serious. Get the fuck out,” I say, slightly more aggressively, ignoring the way my heart squeezes in my chest. I watch as he flicks the lighter and the end of the preroll turns a bright red. He takes a hit, inhaling deeply and looking back up at me.

“So am I,” he breathes out. “You’re not going to block me and expect me not to fucking show up expecting an explanation.”

I shut the door and sit down next to him on the couch, turning to him. His hand immediately goes to wrap around my waist, and I hate myself for the way I want to curl into it. Even with me being as mad as I am, he still looks insanely hot, his sleepy eyes tracing over my figure in my pajamas. He knows I love when he wears that stupid fucking black hoodie. 

I push his hand off of me, scooting a little further away and wrapping my arms around myself.

“You’re such a dick, you know that?” I ask. 

He smirks, throwing an arm around the back of the couch before shrugging. “You love it.”

“No, I fucking don’t,” I growl, watching as he takes another hit. “And open a window or something, Jesus.” He knows how much I hate it when he smokes in my apartment. The smell lingers for a few days and all it does is remind me of him, of how much I can’t stand myself when he leaves after letting him in, again and again.

He leans forward, placing his hand on my thigh and rubbing it softly before blowing the smoke directly in my face. I stare at him, unimpressed, and he chuckles. “Come on, ma. Don’t be upset. I’m here now, aren’t I?”

“Do you really expect me to forgive you for being an asshole just because you’re here now? At 2 in the fucking morning?” I glare at him. Goosebumps emerge on my thigh as his fingers continue to rub small circles into it, and I shiver.

His lips curl upwards as he takes another hit. “Your body sure seems to,” he says cockily, putting out the preroll and wrapping his arms around my waist. My body does betray me this time, and I lean into him as his fingers trace my hipbone. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you tonight,” he whispers lowly.

“Yeah, I’m sure I was the first thing on your mind when you were balls deep in another girl,” I huff. 

He laughs. “Okay, she was first. But you were second.” His hand comes up to my jaw, cupping it softly and forcing me to look at him. “Stop acting like you hate me. We both know how this night is going to end,” he says, leaning in and capturing my lips with his own.

I whine as I try to pull back, but his hand on my jaw stays firm, holding my mouth against his. His other hand slowly slides up my thigh until he finds the waistband of my thong, and his finger hooks underneath before letting it go, resulting in it slapping harshly against my hip. I yelp and pull back, and he chuckles as his fingers rub the red mark softly.

“God, you know how hard it gets me when your cheeks are all flushed like that,” he mumbles, dipping his head down and beginning to suck on the skin directly above my collar bone. I let a small moan slip, and grit my teeth at how little willpower I have when it comes to this man.

“Chris, stop,” I whisper, but it sounds too breathy for my own liking. He pulls off of my neck, admiring the mark his teeth made briefly, before looking back into my eyes.

“You don’t mean that,” he says, grabbing my hips to pull me onto his waist. My thighs rest on either side of his and he grinds up into me, his hard erection rubbing against me through my paper-thin pajama shorts. I groan, letting my head fall onto his shoulder, and his fingers dig in, grinding me against him roughly. A small whimper leaves my mouth, slicing through the silence in the room. I wince, stilling my hips, trying to regain the last semblance of composure I have. 

My heart squeezes in my chest as I look down at him beneath me, my brain flooding with every toxic memory of us together. The time he kicked me out of his car, leaving me stranded on the side of the road after an intense screaming match. The time he called me a fucking bitch in front of his friends, laughing in my face. The time he swore he didn’t go and fuck that girl I hated in my biology class, promising he wouldn’t do that to me. 

That one hurt the most, considering I had to find out from my own sister 2 grades below me. 

But with the bad came the good, such as the mind-blowing orgasms and the way his mouth fit against mine and the way his fingers fit into me just right, crooking and teasing and pumping exactly the way he knew I liked. Like he knew my body better than I did. 

With my jaw set, I place my hands on his chest, steam practically blowing from my nostrils. I hated myself for this, and he knew that, and I knew he knew that. Any attempts I have at stopping this now are futile. My body needs him. 

“Fuck you,” I breathe heavily, rolling my hips against his. My mouth trails to his jaw, his neck, down his chest, and a low moan escapes him as his fingers find their way to the waistband of my shorts, slipping down the front and past my thong to gently rub at my entrance, before plunging two fingers deep inside without any warning. My hips jolt forward, meeting his fingers where they connect to his hand before he starts curling them inward, and… my last shred of self control has completely dissipated. 

I feel his chest rumble with laughter as a few small moans leave my lips. “If you insist,” he whispers, thumb finding my clit and giving it a few lazy circles. My head falls forward onto his chest and I can’t stop myself from biting into his shoulder to quiet my moans.

His other hand tangles its way into my hair, yanking my head back and forcing our gazes to lock.

“You can cum if you want to, but you know I’m getting inside that cunt one way or another.” His thumb speeds up across my clit and I can feel my body shaking, getting close to plummeting over the edge.

My eyes flutter shut, and I’m quickly rewarded with another sharp tug on my scalp. “Look at me,” he commands. And when my eyes meet his, I feel the waves washing over me, convulsing as he speeds up his fingers, mercilessly working me through my orgasm. 

I slump forward into his chest, and he pulls his fingers out quickly, leaving me empty in more ways than one. He wraps his arms around my waist and stands up, carrying me to my bedroom and tossing me onto the bed carelessly.

He pulls his hoodie over his head, tossing it into the corner of my room, and strides back over to the edge of the bed. His stature towers over me, and my mind is swimming with a thousand thoughts, not a single one of them protesting this any longer.

I’ve accepted what this is.

More than that, I’ve given up.

I’m irrevocably in love with him, regardless of his feelings toward me, and I can’t bring myself to care about the hurt it’ll bring. The hurt it has brought. All I can think about in this moment is getting him inside of me, and I try to disregard the niggling feelings in the back of my mind about how I’ll feel after.

There is no after. There’s only now.

My hand shakes slightly with anticipation as I reach up, tugging at his belt buckle and popping it open. I slide his pants and boxers down in one motion, and my legs spread on their own accord as he leans over me, lining himself up.

“I love you.”

It’s nothing I haven’t said before, but each time I do, I hope for a different outcome. Something other than the eye roll he always gives me, huffing and silencing me with a palm over my lips. Each time, I hope the sting is lessened, that he cracks and shows me the soft side of him I know has to be in there.

And if that’s the definition of insanity, then I should’ve been locked up months ago.

He scoffs, pushing inside of me to the hilt in one quick thrust. “I know,” he responds, hand coming up to wrap around my throat and prevent any further confessions from coming out. 

My moans are unstoppable as he pounds into me with brutal thrust after thrust, only caring about working towards his own orgasm. I thrust back against him, rolling my hips to meet his each time he’s fully inside, thinking that maybe… maybe if I’m good, maybe if I’m better than that other bitch he fucked tonight, he won’t run off like he always does.

Maybe he’ll want a round two. Maybe he’ll stick around for another joint. Maybe he’ll cuddle me after.

Maybe he’ll stay.

I push the thoughts aside, trying instead to focus on the intense amount of pleasure coursing through my veins and lighting up every nerve ending in my body. 

His chain rocks back and forth, slapping his chest in time with his thrusts, and I watch as his tongue darts out to lick away a stray bead of sweat trailing down his face.

His grunts are filling the room, mixing with my own to create a beautiful melody I want to record and play on a loop forever. His curls are falling in his eyes and his stomach tenses with each snap forward of his hips, and he consumes all of my senses as my body shakes and writhes beneath him, pleading for him to slow down and begging for more in the same breath.

I whine when he pulls out to just the tip, and his eyes stay glued to mine as he slams back in, causing me to let out a loud gasp. A smirk settles on his lips as he repeats his actions, and I feel my body coming completely undone, succumbing wholly to him.

“Such a good little slut for Daddy, aren’t you?” he muses, panting heavily. He releases his hold on my throat, gripping the back of my calf instead and wrapping it around his waist, moaning at the pleasure the new angle brings. “So needy and wet every time. Like you were made for me.”

And I was. There is no one else.

It’s just him.

I can feel his thrusts getting sloppier, and I watch his eyelids droop as he continues his conquest over me, every muscle tensing before I feel his release inside of me, hot and heavy, marking me as his. Claiming me.

He groans loudly as he works his way through it, not sparing a single drop. I wrap my other leg around him and pull him as close as I can, not wanting to to let him go and be forced to accept it’s over.

When he’s finished, he drops down onto me for a moment, and I take my opportunity to brush my fingers through his hair, placing a gentle kiss to the top of his head. We lay like that for a while, but it’s far too short for my liking when he peels himself away and stands up.

My eyes follow as he goes over to where he threw his hoodie, pulling it back over his head before grabbing his boxers and doing the same.

All I can do is watch helplessly, begging with my eyes for him to stay. To get back into bed and hold me, kiss my shoulder and whisper that it’s always been me too.

He chuckles as he buckles his belt, situating it on his hips before looking back at me. “That was probably one of our best ones yet.”

“Yeah,” I respond emptily. I sit up and wrap the blanket around myself, feeling far too exposed now, both physically and emotionally.

“Alright, ma. See you later,” he says, messing with his hair absentmindedly before deciding its okay, and I watch as he grips the handle of my bedroom door, swinging it open.

“Chris?” I ask.

“Hmm?”

“Stay.”

He looks taken aback for a moment, but regains his composure quickly as he chuckles and rolls his eyes. “I’m good.”

And with that, he’s gone, and I feel my heart shatter a little bit more as I’m left alone, sticky and sweaty and naked, with nothing but the smell of weed lingering in my apartment to keep me company.

——————————

PT 2

[lulublack90]

Prompt 27 - Blind Date

@wolfstarmicrofic May 27, word count 984

Sirius had agreed to go on a new TV show designed for you to basically pick a blind date. It was hosted by a blonde that he couldn’t quite remember her name. Nita, Tina? 

He was behind the scenes being prepped by a producer or something. 

He was placed behind the stage, ready to go on when he was called. With him was the presenter. He still couldn’t remember her name. She completely ignored him and barked orders at her poor PA. 

“Ready when you are Ms. Skeeter.” A woman with a headset and microphone said.

“Good, let’s get this over with.” She said with a total lack of enthusiasm. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s Blind Date, and here is your host, Ms Rita Skeeter!” The announcer told the audience. Rita burst through from the side of the stage, waving and blowing kisses at her cheering audience. 

“Hello and welcome to Blind Date.” Rita smiled, opening her arms wide. “We have three lovely young men all hoping to go on a blind date tonight and here they are!” She swept her arms to the side and that was the last Sirius saw, as he was promptly spun around so he couldn’t see the stage. 

“He shouldn’t have been left here!” Someone shouted. “He can’t see the contestants, that's the whole point of the show.”

He was rushed to another part of the backstage while Rita introduced the three men he was going to choose between. 

“Right you’re on,” He was suddenly pushed out a little door and onto the main stage. 

There was a single chair in the middle of the stage and a large partition, blocking his view of the others. 

“Hello, Sirius!” Rita gushed. “Sirius is from London and from what I’ve seen, all of our contestants will want to take him home.” Sirius sat in the chair, holding the cards with his pre-written questions. “Right, Sirius, you have your questions, so let’s get started!” The crowd clapped as Sirius cleared his throat.

“I’m a boy who likes a good time. I don’t like to be bored. If you could keep me entertained, what would we do? Er, contestant number 1.” He spoke clearly. 

“What an excellent question, Sirius, but let’s make sure to keep our answers clean gentlemen.” Rita spoke a bit louder over the partition. The crowd ate her words up.

“Well, I’d take you to my favourite spa and treat you to a bit of pampering and then, after that, I have a box at the theatre.” Contestant number 1 answered. Sirius pulled a face, he was bored already. 

“Er, thanks number 1. Number 2, same question.” He hoped it was better than the last. 

“I’d take you to the races and then out for an elegant dinner at the savoy before we head back to mine for drinks looking out over the Thames.” Was the answer number 2 gave. Sirius rolled his eyes, fat chance of that happening. He felt like giving up already. 

“Sounds like fun,” He tried to smile. “Number 3 your turn.” 

Number three took a second to answer. 

“I’d take you on a tour of London,” Oh lord, Sirius thought, all duds. “But the secret London. I know where the hidden passageways are and the gorier stories to tell. I’d probably end up at my favourite bookshop, which has a fireplace and café where we could curl up with a good book before we go out in the dark to search for the hundreds of ghosts that are meant to haunt London.” Sirius was literally on the edge of his seat. He didn’t need to hear anymore. He'd already decided who he wanted. 

“Oooo, such different answers,” Rita cooed. “Next question, Sirius,”

“Dogs or cats? For all three again.”

“Cat,”

“Neither,” That one got a boo.

“Dogs,” Sirius smiled. He shuffled to his last card. 

“How do you feel about motorbikes?” He had his fingers crossed. 

“Love, love, love, them,”

“Sorry, no. They don't agree with my hair.”

“Hate, not a chance you’ll get me on one.” Well, 2 out of 3 at least. 

“Alright Sirius, you’ve asked your questions, do you know who you’re going to pick?” Rita asked, trying to look serious. He nodded. 

“Yes, contestant number 3.” Cheers erupted from the crowd.

“Let’s see who you didn’t pick. Come on over number 1.” A tall dark-skinned handsome gentleman walked around the partition. “Kingsley, such a shame,” Rita shook her head. Sirius shook Kingsley's hand, and he walked off the stage. “Number 2,” Rita called. A blonde man, who’d clearly spent too much time on his appearance. “Poor, poor, Gilderoy. Don’t worry sweetheart, you’ll find someone,” Gilderoy waved at the crowd and blew them kisses, forgetting to shake Sirius’s hand before he left. “And finally, the moment we’ve been waiting for. Sirius’s pick. Let me introduce Remus!” Rita cheered.

Remus walked around and Sirius felt his heart skip a beat. Remus looked shyly at him and rewarded him with a smile. Sirius forgot he was on a TV show and took Remus’s hand before trying to lead him off the stage. “Wait!” Rita called," we have to give you your getaway prize.” 

Reluctantly, Sirius led Remus back across the stage and waited for Rita to continue. “Well, Sirius and Remus, we are sending you on a weekend trip to the lake district. What do you think of that?”

“It sounds wonderful Rita, thank you very much. Now, if you don’t mind, this one’s got a tour to start.” That time he ignored everyone and he and Remus made their escape. 

“Hi,” He said once they were outside. 

“Hi,” Remus said back. Sirius knew just from sight that he and Remus would work out. So, being a bit cheeky, he pushed Remus up against the side of the recording studio and leaned in for a kiss. Remus closed the gap and that was that. 

[drmaddict]

Kitten and Grizzly

Summary: Sy finds out what his kitten really wants

Word count: 941

Warnings: mentions of primal play, mentions of masturbation

What Sy held in his hands was not what he had expected. Not quite. He thought his kitten would read tearjerkers.

She rarely allowed this form of girly hobby in front of other people. Hid them outright. He remembered once coming home from a binge earlier than he thought because one of his friends had broken his leg and finding her on the sofa watching Bridgerton. Her cheeks flushed abruptly, but she just said, "Shut up." and turned back to the TV.

He had sat silently watching along with her. Actually, he shouldn't say something like that, but he liked the show. So when the second season came out, he just turned it on for their weekly movie night and pressed (y/n) against him. "I want to see what happens to Eloise," he shrugged.

They were both treating it like their little secret.

So he would have expected that this secrecy around her Kindle was simply related to the fact that she just preferred to keep this girly preference to herself. Without comment from the outside.

But when the little device was switched on and lying forgotten on the bed and he read the first sentence of the page, he realized that he had been mistaken.

He wasn't stupid. He had heard of Fifty Shades and had also seen the movie, but it had amused her rather than being a serious read.

But after what he had now read, he realized why. Fifty Shades was probably rather laughable against this. Before he knew it, he was lying on the bed, immersed in this new world. Got to know a whole different side of his kitten. Neither of them were prudes, but she had never been so explicit about what interested her. Was she actually interested, or was this just a more outlandish outing for once? He hesitated, but then looked at the considerable library on the device.

He read through the summaries and some reviews. One theme seemed to run through. Primal Play.

He memorized a few titles and put the Kindle back in its place as he had found it, only this time turned off.

He said nothing about it for now. The next few days, when his kitten was at work, he spent reading more and more of the books he had found. Not only once did he have to interrupt himself to get relief. If she liked that sort of thing, he was definitely into it.

Little fantasies crept into his head. How he caught her. Burying her underneath him. How she would live up to her nickname and scratch his back until red streaks decorated the skin. How he would growl when she bit him as hard as she could. Animalistic lust.

He wanted it. He wanted her. He wanted her that way.

He needed to talk to her. Today.

He waited until they were lying on the sofa together, watching a horror movie.

He cleared his throat hesitantly. "Kitten we need to talk," he began. She broke away from his embrace and looked at him uncertainly.

He looked back uncertainly. "First... It's important to me that you know I didn't WANT to snoop," he began, holding his index finger up to her nose. "But your Kindle was on the bed, turned on, and I picked up a phrase and then I just couldn't stop." He looked at her searchingly. She let no emotion flit across her face. Her walls completely intact and set on a defensive course.

He sighed. "Why didn't you ever say you liked that kind of thing?" He stroked her calf gently with his thumb. She shrugged her shoulders. "Kitten. Come on. If there's one thing I can say, it's that these ideas don't leave me cold, and I really, really want to hunt you." He grinned at her, but that grin fell from his face as she got up and left.

"Kitten!" he called after her, following immediately.

"Sy. This isn't going to work." she sighed still walking.

He grabbed her wrist and held it tightly. "Why?"

She slumped her shoulders. "Because my head won't cooperate," she sighed.

Sy was confused. She let her back fall against his chest. He held her tightly. "It's not about the hunting," she began. "It's... In the books... It's just feelings and actions. It's no thoughts. It's not overthinking. It... Damn you know me Sy. I always think about everything way too long until my thoughts are no longer thoughts. It... I want someone to rip this burden out off my mind. I don't want to have to think. I want to be able to just be, if only for a short time, but I can't. And I never will be able to. All I have left are the books." She literally fell against him. "If you want to chase me through the forest like Little Red Riding Hood, we can do that. But that's not really what this is about for me."

He turned her around and she dropped against his chest in surrender. He just held her close and stroked the back of her head.

"I just want you to feel good," he mumbled softly.

"I want to. But I'm afraid that if I do, I'll just be disappointed.", she murmured humbly into his chest. "After all, you're made for this.", she said and a small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

Sy grinned. "I'll be your grizzly if you stay my kitten."

She sighed. "We'll try."

He smiled and continued stroking her hair. "You just wait kitten. I've managed to handle a few other missions."

She smacked his chest.

They laughed.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

What are your opinions on more „popular“ salt takes about Adrien and Mari, like the typical „Adrichat is an ass for for flirting with LB after she rejects him“ and „Maribug us a horrible stalker“?

Well, I'd be lying if I said that I have no idea where they're coming from. There are definitely times when I'll watch an episode and wonder what in the world the writers are trying to do, especially when it comes to Adrien's behavior as it's played a lot more straight than Marinette's. While I don't like her behavior at times, it's almost always treated as a joke, not a dramatic character beat whereas I cannot say the same for Adrien.

But these are characters in a TV show, not real people and we need to keep that in mind when judging them. It's why my go-to thought is "what is wrong with the writing staff" and not "Adrien is an incel." Because Adrien is very clearly not supposed to be an incel. Unless the writers are plotting something truly asinine, the Love Square is our end game couple. We are supposed to view Adrien as a charming and funny romantic lead. When he falls short of that role, it's not Adrien "showing his true colors." He's a fictional character. He has no true colors. If his actions and words are ever unbecoming for a romantic lead, it's because the writers are failing to write Adrien the way they want us to see him.

They consistently do this to all of the characters. Alya's supposed to be an awesome friend and a smart journalist (I think), but she can't see through Lila's BS. Marinette's parents are supposed to be loving and supportive, but they randomly believed that their daughter stole from their bakery to make a dress and didn't even try to let her explain herself. Nino is supposed to be the Chosen of Protection, but he didn't care to protect his best friend and just happily sent Gabriel on a rampage without a second thought.

Give me a character and I can point to a bunch of episodes that justify every salty take this fandom has because they're not pulling this stuff from thin air. They're picking and choosing the worst writing in the show and venting about it, which is frankly understandable. Like I get why there are so many Alya salt fics. Her writing in the Lila episodes is infuriating and I do find those fics a little cathartic at times. But it's really, really obvious that she's not supposed to be a terrible friend. She's a victim of the writers drawing the Lila plot line out for far too long and making Lila's lies far too obvious.

Similarly, a lot of the issues with Adrien and Marinette stem from the fact that you simply can't draw a romance plot out for five seasons without causing issues unless you make the romance a background plot. But they didn't do that. The love square is front and center for most episodes, but since it can't actually resolve, the writers keep adding drama that makes our leads feel horribly unhealthy.

On the Marinette side, her not being able to talk to Adrien was fine as an initial issue, but we are five seasons into this show. Over 100 episodes! You reach a point where it stops being cute and starts being concerning. It's also not helped by the fact that Marinette's crush is written like a celebrity crush and not a crush on someone she actually knows. Daily exposure to Adrien should mellow her out. Especially since he's supposed to be her friend! But if the writers let Marinette talk to Adrien, then they'd grow closer and might feel like they had to get together, so they couldn't let that. Thus Marinette being a disaster for four seasons and the terrible shoehorned plot to try and justify it in season five.

On the Adrien side, they let Chat Noir confess too soon. Prior to that, the Ladynoir relationship was a playful one where it was feasible that Ladybug just viewed her kitty as a massive flirt. This was especially true since he flirts with everyone. But once she knew that he was serious? The playfulness vanished and Chat Noir started coming across as entitled and pushy. It didn't help that they had him ignoring her preferences ("Don't call me Bugaboo") and getting them in trouble by not taking his job seriously (his flirting getting them hit in Oblivio).

In summary, the love square should have been resolved much sooner or been relegated to a b plot that got far less attention. I also would have reversed the square since it makes for a far more interesting story that you can organically draw out longer, but that's just me. I don't have any issue with people ignoring the canon problems and just writing Adrien and Marinette as the cute couple that they were obviously intended to be. I also enjoy fics that treat Adrien's pushiness as a character flaw that can be resolved because that's what canon should have done. His issues aren't the mark of a terrible person. They're the understandable flaws of a teenager who is in love for the first time and doesn't know how to express himself. If a show would actually address this kind of common tween/teen issue, then a lot of kids would get an incredibly valuable lesson that would help them when they grow up and fall in love. If you're ever watching Miraculous with a kid, I strongly encourage you to approach Adrien's character from that perspective. Talk about why his actions are understandable, but ultimately wrong and more likely to push someone away than win their heart just like we see with Ladybug.

[vergeltvng]

SPOILERS for The Boys Season 4

I'm still processing the final episode but here are some of my random thoughts, in no particular order. It was a wild ride and I enjoyed it for the most part. The season had its lows for sure and I'll never forgive the writers for how they treated Hughie. I'm still fucking mad about everything they did to him after episode 5. I also felt like they wasted a lot of potential with Annie's arc. She's been through a lot after season 3 and I loved the idea of her having an identity crisis but it was just so poorly executed. It all felt messy and as if the writers had no conclusion in mind for both her and Hughie's plotlines. Unfortunately I couldn't find myself caring a lot about Frenchie's and Kimiko's subplots which is sad because I love these two. I was hoping they get to kill that bitch Little Nina and Kimiko getting her revenge on the SLLA. Both could have happened this season before they got separated in the end. Instead we've been put on hold to wait if these plots get resolved at all. Firecracker and Sage were great additions, I loved to hate Firecracker and Sage gives off endboss vibes for me. I still feel like she's gonna betray Homelander in the end. Can't wait for "phase two". A-Train's arc was great, he truly redeemed himself and him showing up at the flat iron to save the others was proof enough for me how serious he was about doing the right thing. I liked all of his scenes with MM, too. I loved Ashley this season, I hope she gains some badass powers and kicks everyone's ass. I've seen some complaints about Homelander being nerfed - are we watching the same show? He is fucking unhinged and more terrifying than ever. He is basically god by the end of the season and can (and will) do whatever the fuck he wants with no one in his way. Someone telling me that's not scary?! He is and always will be one of the best villains in tv history. Poor kid Ryan, he deserved better. How is he ever supposed to feel safe around Homelander and Butcher phrasing it that way was downright evil and manipulative towards the boy because he knew it would make Ryan feel insecure and cornered. Him pushing and killing Grace was in self-defense. His reaction afterwards however is concerning and I guess ambiguous for interpretation on purpose. I still don't get how some people in the fandom could hate on a 12 year old child so much, leave the kid alone.

Where do I start when it comes to Butcher? I have many thoughts and this text is already long but I'll give it a shot anyway. Obviously I'm biased because I love this man and will defend him to the very end. I think his arc was one of the better aspects, he is still one of the best written characters on the show. What I always loved about him was him being truly morally grey and the ambiguity in his words and actions. He cannot be trusted. I don't know if it's me but Karl's performance makes him actually a lot more likeable than he deserves. He is a bad person and I don't think this is negotiable. I have thought about this so many times in made-up scenarios and I stick with my opinion that there's no fixing him and there never was. I have tried to stay away from fandom discourse as much as I could for my own well-being but I don't get how people act surprised and as a result hate over his behavior and decisions. I think most were true to his character and also him killing Neuman made perfect sense and was a well-deserved payoff narratively. Not that I'm not mad at him for doing so! I loved Vicky and she was such an interesting character. But his final words in season 3 were "that bitch has to go" and one of his main goals across the whole season was to get that virus to kill her. He was absolutely clear about it and worked towards this goal on his own terms, not even under the influence of Kessler. Certainly Kessler pushed him to commit some of his atrocities but it matched with what he wanted himself. He drew the line when it came to supe genocide and was conflicted about it initially but one of his core themes is doing whatever it takes and losing his humanity on his chosen path. Since he is highly intelligent he knows very well what's wrong with him what emphasises even more that he actively chooses to do bad things rather than being impulsive and regretful afterwards. I personally loved his turn at the end and I am eager to see his villain arc. What's not to love about evil daddy?! I could go on about some of the dynamics between him and Kessler but I'll do that in another post maybe.

[postguiltypleasures]

My Peak TV Journey *Betty la Fea La Historia Continua*

I need to say upfront, that I was really excited about this series, and I remain mostly satisfied. I look forward to the second season continuing (and wrapping up?) this story. I also finished watching the edited-for-Peacock version of the original.  I will say that the sequel is for people like me, people who think the original loses steam after the return from Cartagena. Also, while they can show Armando in touch with his emotions, they don’t show him having any idea how to act on them in a healthy manner. Despite this he and Betty accept that they’re still in love, generally better together so they get together without resolving Betty’s deep trust issues, or how Armando still needs to learn anger management and better communication skills. It’s amazing they lasted as long as they did.

I don’t want to fight anyone over the quality of the series, but there are some things I have to defend. Namely the structural differences between the sequel and original. By structural, I mean mostly pacing, cast size, and how information is revealed. The differences between setting up a story that will most likely run through through hundreds of episodes more or less uninterrupted for over a year vs something that the two episode once a week, for a total of ten where continuation will be indefinite continuation is essentially a change of medium. The techniques and rules for storytelling change. The now. de-cannonized sequel spinoff Ecomoda is criticized for being too much of a sitcom when figuring out how to deal with this.  La Hisotria Continua is more like the original telenovela in tone and plot points, but it has to unfold differently than the original. (Also in being more like the original, it’s going to torture its main characters a new. If you can’t accept it, don’t watch and don’t comment.) In the original an early episode is dedicated to Betty and Nicholas reading a magazine covering an event Ecomoda had, with flashbacks to event, where we really get to know many of the major characters, what they are up to and then we watch what’s happening next. This season comes with the assumption that we are familiar with most of the characters, but we don’t really know what they’ve been up to, and most importantly, we don’t know how they relate to the new ones. Crucially, it isn’t laid out so we know what kind of danger Betty is walking into like in the original. Int the original the intrigue was “what will happen?” Here it’s more “what has happened?” This comes with mixed results. The first episode especially felt needlessly confusing. And even by the end of the season, there were things, like how and why Majo got involved with Ecomoda, that I wish had been clarified by then. However, there was a moment in the second episode made it more clear that they knew what they were doing. This starts with Betty telling Bertha and Sandra that she was not a good president of Ecomoda because she only made the rich richer. I took this as a sign that this was taking on the extreme classism in the original, how it was mostly treated as “that’s the way the world works” kind of way. 

The series opens at Don Roberto’s (Armando’s father) funeral. Armando’s relationship with his father was always  fucked up though the original series seemed to loose interest in the more negative aspects of his character as it went on. One of the messed up things about their relationship was how accommodating Roberto was to Daniel, so of his former business associates and Armando’s rivalry. The not too subtle subtext is that Roberto thought of Daniel as a more serious minded person for business and wished Armando was more like him, while also showing little to know interest in anything else about who Armando is as a person. He didn’t have much interest in who Daniel was as a person either. This all business approach helped him appear to be out of the fray, when he really very much was in it. In the new series, through  a video of his will, Roberto sets up a plan for Ecomoda that manipulates a reluctant Betty back while telling Armando how he once again failed as president.  No wonder after Roberto’s death Armando is haunted by visions of Roberto saying he should have spent more time in prison, and that he doesn’t deserve someone as wonderful as Betty. The latter statement is pretty ironic, given that Roberto treated Betty pretty coldly. Everyone ignores the fact that in the original series when they first met he refused to shake her hand. Roberto definitely deserves some of the blame for how Marcela became a lingering presence over Betty and Armando’s marriage, and Betty never feeling entirely welcome in the Mendoza family. And of course as we later learn, her fired Betty to appease Marcela, when that was bad for everyone.

Looking back after the season, I think Marcela might have been the character who most benefited from the changes in structure. The story was put into motion by her worst qualities, her anger, lack of curiosity, the ways she isolates herself. But she didn’t have enough air time to for these traits to become too tiresome and have us give up on her. And she is left in a position where she has to make some life changing decisions. We learn early on Marcela blames Betty for Daniel’s downfall. Betty was aware that something was wrong with the company financially, alerted the police and the investigation led to Daniel being arrested for money laundering and then being murdered in prison. But, for the plot of this series, the real issue is how aggressively Marcela only sees what she wants to see. Marcela seems to have natural blinders towards so much in life. She wants vengeance of getting rid of Betty and Armando and then taking over Ecomoda with Ignacio. But she is not paying attention to what Ignacio is doing. When she learns if a lot of it in the last episodes she’s appalled. But she mostly doesn’t want to. Her relationship with Ignacio is the inverse of how she treated Armando as a boyfriend, but reminiscent of how she never had interest in the running of Ecomoda, never check in on Armando and Mario’s business schemes and ignored how her brother sexually harassed her best friend. So her not checking in more on Nacho feels in character, but is part of the way she’s always been frustrating. After the reveal that Ignacio is her half brother, instead of her nephew as she believed, I began to wonder if it was a revelation to force her to change this aspect of her character? Does knowing her father had a second family make her aware that this isn’t just keeping her head high out of the muck? (Or whatever she says to herself.) She’s ignoring things that matter. It also made me think are we supposed to reassess her constant monitoring of Armando during their relationship as some kind of subconscious way of making up of all the ways she ignored the poor behavior of the men in her immediate family? For most of the season the relationship between Marcela and Nacho was treated as a mystery, much of the office assuming that he was her boyfriend, while fans knew he was a secret member of the Valencia family and having the full answer include how much Marcela doesn’t look at or explore things involving her familys interesting. I hope the next season follows up on this. Some of the follow up will involve Pascual, Nacho’s secret parter and Marcela’s new love interest. I’m not sure Pascual will actually be good for Marcela in the long run.  She needs to have her single minded desire to hurt Betty and Armando broken by other desires. And I don’t think she’s thought of wanting anything else for a while. But he gives mixed messages all the time. As a secret patter who express interest in becoming part of the high society fashion world. But in his first scene he says the line “Para mi papero y papito son los mismos nombres.”  Indicating he’s not that interested in changing his identity.  He has a couple of ugly divorces and says he wants to be fawned over by models, but he also is instantly smitten with Marcela and pursues her with the most blunt and crass language I can imagine.  He also has as little interest in remaking Ecomoda’s image as he does his own image, to Nacho’s presumed chagrin.

Marcela also had surprisingly little interaction Patricia, which did affect a lot of the show. It’s an interesting way showing of how people have changed and stayed the same. During the first episode I hated Bertha and Sandra’s jokes about Patricia’s husband. They were gross and agist.  (Later meeting him at the quinceñera flash back made Patricia’s relationship  seem like elder abuse. But, I kind of like that Patricia’s in a relationship that she wants to be known, but doesn’t want to bring attention to. It’s a change of pace from the original where she was single, desperate and frequently saying how she could have a boyfriend whenever she wanted. The change seems like an appropriate response to Daniel regularly offering to pimp her out to his friends. I also like that she was promoted to Gutierrez’s position as a way to show everything being different but similar. Patricia was always about bossing around el cuartel. Gutierrez also seemed to think of his job as chiding people back into looking busy whenever. The change in position a good reason for Bertha and Sandra’s renewed hatred for Patricia a fits with the ways Gutierrez was awful. Bertha’s obsession with “chisme” might actually make her good at the job, She can make people feel seen and heard and communicate between workers and executives. People could feel more motivated to work when they understand more of what is going on in the company. But it doesn’t fit with the intense classism that rules Ecomoda. It would be a view of the position completely alien to Gutierrez.  

As I was saying earlier, whatever is going on with Majo, Mario and Armando seems more needlessly confusing than intriguing. Why is Armando friendly with Majo again after her kiss at the end of the first episode causes such disruption? Those scenes with the them at the club were weird. I don’t for a second believe she’s an alternate love interest, but why should I care? As the season went on I find myself more intrigued by the lack of scenes between Majo and Mario. He talks her up whenever he’s alone with Armando and even expected her to have a conjugal visit with him in prison. Yet she never talks about him, and they never talk directly to each other. I’ve come to think of her as not so much wanting Armando, as wanting Armando to want a divorce because that what Mario, her secret real employer wants. But this is based on absence, rather than what’s on screen. For what does Mario want control over Armando? And why is he still so bad at vetting potential business alliances? I hate the character of Mario, but the season could have improved by filling in some gaps about what he’s up to.

Betty’s alternate love interest, Esteban, isn’t a better defined character than Majo, but at least he’s not supposed to have created some kind of bond with the main characters off screen in the time between series’s.  He’s a better alternative love interest than Michel in that he’s a better listener and has more in common with Betty. But he’s still too boring to compete with Armando.

As someone who always thought Armando didn’t show up enough what he learned, of that he necessarily knew how to be, I kind of loved events on the third and fourth episodes as revisiting things in the original series, including punch Esteban like he punched Nicolas in the original for being a perceived romantic rival. While that was a new low originally, it didn’t motivate Armando to change his behavior. If anything, the original series suggests that violently lashing out is fine when you’re lashing out at the right people as demonstrated by him later punching Mario. His attempt to change includes joining a group therapy with Freddy. This leads to revisiting Armando in drag, only this time to better understand Betty’s point of view, not simply be emasculated for the failures of his toxic masculinity and homophobia as in the original. In some ways I felt for him more in this series than I did in the original. He just seemed so lost, but also not putting himself at the center of everything as he did in the original.  Betty briefly made him VP of Finances, a roll to which he is not suited, but doing so gives him the time to confess to his misdeeds on his own time, I found myself wishing that they made Armando majoring in something more mechanical a bigger part of his character. Then I could say “that’s what he’s good at.” But he seems otherwise most interested in maintaining vendor and supplier relations which seems closer to Marcela’s specialty. Being at Ecomoda is bad for him as a person. During the flashback to the fight while Betty left him he says he sacrificed his social circle for their relationship. There is a truth to this. Mario’s ability to slip back into his life is a sight of how real it feels. But the bigger truth is that between the hours he spent at Ecomoda, and the class rigidity of the institution, he never had the opportunity to make new friendships. This is poignantly present in his scenes with Freddy, where we see how hard it is to accept Freddy as a friend. 

All this talk about how social hierarchies having ruinous effect on personal it’s time to do a brief, segue about the uses of “usted” and “tú” in both series, with the caveat that I am neither a native Spanish speaker nor a Colombian nor someone who’s ever been to Colombia. I know I’m missing a lot of cultural context. I have heard that Colombia uses usted more than other Spanish speaking countries. Still, the use in the original seemed extreme. It helped illustrate the ingrained classicism of the original. Betty and Armando reverting to “usted”  even en a flashback to happier times, after beginning to use “tú” near the end of the original is a bad sign. It adds opportunity to misunderstand one another and hints that they haven’t quite gotten over the class divide after years of marriage. In the original it sometimes seems like one has to be upper class to deign tutear. The Cuartel, Betty’s parents within their relationship with each other and with Betty, as well as Betty with Nicolás all use “usted” with each other despite being personally close. In contrast to this Patricia’s use of tú comes off as impudent,  and Nicolás only uses tú when trying to impress Patricia by pretending to have more money than he’s worth. This language barrier, in the original Betty sees herself as an extension of Armando who always had to prove herself. (This is common amongst Ecomoda employees, see Berta’s reluctance to share Gutierrez’s home phone number while he was sexually harassing Aura Maria and Sandra’s self flagellation after lying to Mario.) By the new series Betty strongly associates more with the employees of Ecomoda than any of its owners. Which explains her return to “usted,” and Mila’s regular use of “tú” as a sign of how hard it is for them to get each other. The continuation seems pretty aware that this emphasis on formality was a not great set up for life.

Mila starts the season very angry with her mother and ends angry with her father. While taking notes I surmised that all the hurtful things Mila said to Betty early on showed a fear of understanding what happened between her parents. She knew it was too potentially painful. She chose to support Armando because she thought he wanted to reconnect in a way Betty didn’t. This fear is completely founded, and when she does find out about her parents history, the reason her mother quickly abandoned trust in her father, she switches allegiance. Though this happens right around the time Betty is starting to consciously realize that her reaction 

Early in the season Betty says something about needing to break vicious cycles. She’s right about that need,  but her technique of just cutting off all contact is by now her own contribution vicious cycle, and therefore counter productive. She would have known more about what she was walking into returning to Ecomoda if she opened those emails. Also, while she definitely had the right to be angry with Armando about how his failed negotiations with Roberto and Marcela affected her, and the way she was cut out of them, it would have been better for all if after a couple of days of cooling down they decided to meet for counseling. The extended radio silence was just bad for everyone. Also I would like more detail on what Betty and Nicolas were up to in their time away from Ecomoda. I am under the impression that Doña Julia was ill and died during that time period, so Betty spent a lot of time with her mother during her last days and shut off any contact Armando tried to make simultaneously. But what else? What was she thinking about as possible futures? Nicolas is even more of a blank slate. All I know is that Mila has apparently t been telling I’m for yeas that the amount of hair gel he uses makes him look older than necessary. She is right, see any picture of Mario Duarte out of character. 

While I wish more detail was given to Betty’s life away from Ecomoda, I like pretty much everything about how she acts after she returns. As I said before, I like how explicitly she relates to non share holding staff instead of favoring the actionistas. This includes her room ring Freddy and demoting Mario. I hope there is more follow up on that next season. More concerning this season’s plot, I like that Betty got the heads up about financial shenanigans from Hugo. It was unexpected, but in character for both. Also it reflects poorly on Marcela, who could have gotten answers to what Armando was doing if she just talked to Hugo like an equal. 

I don’t know anything about the Colombian’ legal system. So I can’t say anything about how realistically or not Armando turning himself and Gutierrez in between the episodes. The important thing is how it plays in comparison to his downward spiral after Betty exposed the Terramoda scheme in the original. Which is that he’s more willing to take responsibility for his actions, go public and not pick fights. Betty also has changed since then, demonstrated by going to visit him in jail and talk. Then they have sex in a scene reminiscent of their first time in the original, only with some roll reversal. This is emotionally confusing for Betty. In someways exactly why she justified cutting him off with no contact. On the other hand she gets to speak to someone who cares about the real emotional turmoil affecting her and learns more about Ecomoda’s quagmire. 

Another aspect recently revealed aspect of Betty I would like to see more of is the things that led Betty to tell her father that he wasn’t a great husband. He wasn’t, but it was something that couldn’t be articulated outside of some face making Doña Julia did, and the way she and her mother hid things from him. It fits with a theme of the series of saying things they couldn’t say in the original. Hermès’ dogmatism is in conflict with Betty’s journey of becoming more of a humanist. 

I’m now going to wrap this up by writing about the new generation followed by some thoughts on finish the original series in a more complete way than ever before.

Other than Mila, Ignacio is the best defined of the new characters. Viewers were quick to say he has the Daniel Valencia role of the original. After all he is someone aligned with Marcela acting antagonistically towards Betty and Armando. And while this series played with that assumption, the two characters are most interesting in their differences. Ignacio is charming while Daniel was aggressively not. To the extent Daniel had a charm, it’s based on the idea that he’s saying to your face what other people say behind your back. As a guy setting up a mass surveillance program through Ecomoda, Ignacio not going to pretend that he’s the one person telling the truth to your face. But he sincerely does like Mila, even though the circumstance means he’s betrayed her before anything started between them. At the end of this season I found myself wishing that there was more time spent on Jeff and Carmen so that the love quadrangle that Mila and Ignacio are with them felt juicier. It’s got long running soap potential. 

Finishing the original while watching this has brought back some of the dread that I had going into the last section of the novela. Much of the post Cartagena plot feels like the show is spinning its wheels before deciding how to hastily rush to the finish line. Contributing to this feeling is the over reliance on flashbacks. The scenes involving Betty’s return to Ecomoda are particularly bad with this, and they didn’t even cut them from the Peacock edits. (These would have been some of the first edits if I were supervising it.) This section drops  various subplots, including Inesita’s estranged husband coming home to die, which real does make the way the series doesn’t know what to do stand out. Theresa are some high points likeel desfile del Cuartel. But that is also supposedly the resolution of the Sofia/Jenny plot, and it’s not satisfying as such. I get that the cast and crew were exhausted, and some of them had signed contracts to work with other tv networks lessening their availability. But on a level of pure drama, these plots points are simply inexcusable. Also dropping the cuartel’s pilots makes them worse friends. They suddenly only have gossiping about Betty going on and no respect for boundaries or treating her like an actual person, instead of the lead in a telenovela. Equally inexcusable is how because Armando now is conscious of his feelings for Betty, the fact that so much of the way it’s shown involves violating her boundaries by stalking her on meetings he wasn’t invited to and secretly steeling and reading her diary, is why I can’t be too angry at Betty for dropping him the way she did.

This time around I was aware of how often real life designer Bettina Spitz had her name dropped and showed up on screen. Didn’t even realize I was missing that before. 

[leeechy-blog]

A tribute to my princess….

We met on a summer day in 2009. I attended a soccer tournament for my sister at Betty Wilson park in Las Vegas, Nevada. On my way put, a lady with a box full puppies. In the far corner I see this little scruffy girl, smallest of the littler, just looking up at me. She had the sweetest little face and her leg stuck out a little when she sat down. I knew from that day in she’d change my life forever.

At that time, our family had just gotten through domestic conflict and family loss. Growing up in Vegas, so many childhood experiences are robbed from us due to necessity and lack of resources. We knew so little about how life would pan out, all of what we knew is destroyed and all we knew was the gut wrenching reality of an unraveled household. As many of those in broken homes know, this moment of our lives will always be the darkest. In a time so confusing, devastating, and life altering, it was Princess who held us together.

🌏

My earliest memory of her was the time we gave her the chance to stick her head out of the window for the first time. She couldn’t have been more than 3 months old. The exact moment she peeked her head out, she JUMPED out of our moving car into a gravel road. We all screamed in unison. she was OK, she had some scraped paws but from that day on we knew she was a wild child. She also loved barking at dogs on tv, knew how to sit, lay, play dead and bark at men.

🫧

My mom dressed her up in the silliest dog clothes, I knew this was healing for her.

🐩

Princess had been in our family from 2009-2024

She saw me go through elementary, middle, high school & college.

She saw the birth of my baby sister Kiley

And even met my sisters new dog, Louie.

He was the first dog to enter our lives since princess so she always established her dominance every-time he’d come over.

As time went on, we got older, time ran short, we all had to get jobs and even went through a whole pandemic together. In 2021 we had another serious family event that caused us to move. House #4, it was extremely hard and painful but we did it together, and princess held us tighter.

🧵

Things got a little difficult, conflicts and tensions grew in the home and as life did and so did taking full care of Princess, but I never gave up. I have been on my own since august of 2022, I was kicked out of my moms house during a bad argument that turned physical. I got up and took the only personal belonging that will ever matter to me, my dog Princess. I drove us to a park where we sat all day in the hot sun. I let her run around and do what she wanted and at that point just like the last 13 years, I fought for her. In that moment I had no place to go but I knew it didn’t matter as long I was with her. We ended up being able to live with my boyfriend & his brothers and later that year in a new apartment which is my current home. P.S. we were also gifted a new member to our family who i love dearly, my Ziggy sweetheart

👨‍👩‍👧‍👧

There was an instant feeling a relief when we moved in. I was finally able to provide a safe home for me and her as well as living with the most wonderful co-parent that is my boyfriend. I cried everyday that first week, I couldn’t believe this could be possible for us and that I was able to give it to her. I wanted to make sure she was with me through EVERYTHING.

🫀

We spent 2 beautiful years with princess here, we dressed her up on holidays, our new neighbors loved her, made her home cooked meals sometimes, and even let her roam around downstairs since we knew she wouldn’t get too far but all in all, she was happy. As time when on, my old girl started showing her age. In the last few months, I remained in denial of what was to come one day. She mostly used her nose, she’d bump into things, remained quiet, and spent her days just resting. I knew it would come, I just wish that she would’ve held on a little longer, just Til I got home. Come to think of it, I would not have been able to give her final treats, take her on her last walk, and the things that come with putting a pet down..she lived life like it was her last these couple months. she had reached a point where I was just enjoying every second with her. She hated the vet and every time she saw we were going she’d freak out, it’s so her style to go at home..I can’t blame her. she was just as scared as I was.

She changed my life forever and will always remember her….I hope she visits me in my dreams and guides me, she’s all I had and the only thing I couldn’t protect her from was time.

Jan 2009 - June 2024

🐩♾️🐩♾️🐩♾️

[starvingtongue]

Realising now that I haven't actually touched on Dona's feelings towards Yuna on this blog yet and I feel like I should. I've seen a lot of speculation on it over the years (from reddit posts, youtube comments, tv tropes, etc.) and formed my own headcanons regarding over the past couple months too, and I've always thought I've made a note of it somewhere, but browsing through my headcanon tag for Dona, I realise I haven't. Shame on me.

I would like to preface this by saying that I don't think Dona hates Yuna. Dona can be rude, blunt, and upfront to anyone, regardless of who they are. We see this time and time again throughout both X and X-2, that she doesn't give a damn about who you are, what position of power you hold, she's going to treat everybody the same. We see her not saluting to Nooj in X-2, despite him being the leader of the Youth League, we see her not bowing to Yuna when they first meet, despite it probably being the 'correct' thing to do. Formalities like that are not a thing for her. I kinda wish we saw her interacting with more people, especially those within Yevon a little more, to show this a bit better.

But anyway, while she does not hate Yuna, Dona's feelings (and problem) with Yuna stems from Dona's own insecurity, with a possible hint of jealousy, and a view that Yuna gets afforded opportunities that Dona and other summoners don't. We kind of see this through X itself, but if you consider these things from an outsiders perspective (like Dona), it makes a lot more sense. Things such as:

Yuna being Braska's daughter, the child of someone who has already defeated Sin, and has the status that not too many others have. In Dona's eyes, it's afforded Yuna with certain privilages (good or bad) that not too many others have and could possibly make her pilgrimage a lot easier.

She has 6 guardians by the time she defeats Sin (which Dona deems as overly excessive regardless of her own feelings towards Yuna), one of which is Auron. Auron being legendary guardian to Braska, brings more status, privilage, and knowledge to the pilgrimage, which others may not otherwise benefit from.

Yuna is sought out, befriended, and accompanied by Seymour, a Maester of Yevon, which brings certain perks (like getting past the checkpoint at the start of Mushroom Rock, for example), that again, not everyone else is going to benefit from.

All of this combined, and from an outsiders perspective such as Dona's, makes it seem like Yuna's pilgrimage pretty comfortable and somewhat more high status (I don't want to say privilaged again, but I think this is one of the terms I've heard thrown around before when talking about Dona's feelings towards Yuna) than the average pilgrimage is. Dona obviously not right in being this insecure and jealous over the opportunities that Yuna gets afforded, many of which Yuna doesn't get a choice about (and Dona would have no way of knowing about this either), since both are gong on a march to their own deaths, but after seeing Yuna get handed all of these opportunities and been put on such a high pedestal, it's hard not to feel some type of way towards her. Dona sees her as competition, a pretty serious one at that, but not necessarily because of her strength as a summoner, but because Yuna has more opportunities afforded to her that could make her pilgrimage easier than most.

You would think, however, that once Yuna defeats Sin and has that success under her belt, Dona would act out even more towards her, the great High Summoner who lived, but no. While it's not immediately obivous in X-2, I think Dona chills out quite a bit towards Yuna after Sin's gone. She not longer sees Yuna as a rival, as a competitior, to kill Sin. She's chilled out a bit, she can find herself as a person, spend the rest of her days in Kilika with Barthello, and not have to worry about who defeats the giant whale of death first. Her jealously, her insecurity, her feelings of low self worth towards a 17 year old who has a successful former guardian in tow and a Maester interested in her, have mostly disappeared.

I do find it very sad that we never got to see her interact with Isaaru as a comparison. She would 100% still be her bitchy self, but Isaaru's just 'normal' summoner competition compared to Yuna, there's no reason for Dona to be as insecure towards Isaaru as she is towards Yuna.

This type of insecurity is something that a lot of people go through, regardless of if they want to or not, and Dona suffers from it just as much as anyone else would. Does it make it right that she lashes out at Yuna the way she does? Of course not! Dona does a really poor job of hiding this jealousy and insecurity towards Yuna throughout their entire respective pilgrimage. However, it does add another layer of characterisation to Dona that I think a lot of people glance over when they first meet her.

[hades-10397]

31 days of Harringrove

Prompt: Sick for the Holidays

Steve was relaxing after spending the morning with his parents playing pretend family for the holidays. They went to church to show everyone that they were good parents not absent ones. Steve didn’t mind to much now he was just use to it at this point. So after church they came home and had an early lunch where his father told him to get his shit together. Like a good son he told him he would and disappeared to his room.

His parents were now at some fancy Christmas party with friends which was fine by Steve. He sighed as he watched tv enjoying the quiet. He was almost asleep when the phone rang. Steve got up and jogged over to the phone. “Harrington residents.” He would normally say ‘Go for Steve’ but with his parents in town he couldn’t. “Steve! Hey it’s Max. I know it’s Christmas but I have a favor to ask.” He was surprised that Max called him. She never really called him for things. “Uh yeah what’s up.”

“Look I know you guys have a past but… Billy is really sick and his dad is an asshole and won’t let us take care of him. Keeps saying ‘He’s a man he can deal.’” He knew Billy’s dad wasn’t the easiest guy to get along with. “Anyway, We’re about to go look at Christmas light and be a ‘family’ So I was wondering while we’re gone if you can check in on him. Maybe bring him some medicine and soup.” She whispered the last part. Steve didn’t really want to see the guy but he doesn’t deserve to be sick and treated like shit. He sighed. “Alright yeah I can do that.”

He parked his car down the street like he was instructed. Walking up to the house he couldn’t even tell if anyone was home. He took the key under the mat and unlocked the door. Most of the lights were off so it was a little hard to see but he made his way through the house. “First door on the right.” He told himself. Steve knocked on the door waiting to hear something. It was silent so he opened the door slowly. “Billy? Hello?” He fully stepped into the room closing the door behind him. “Max I swear to god if you stayed behind to take care of …me”

Billy gave Steve a confused look. Then a concerned look. “The fuck are you doing here Harrington!” Billy was whispering which was werid because he figured he knew no one was home. “Do you have a death wish or somethin!” He watched Billy sit up but the other held his head in hands breathing heavy. “Woah dude lay back down. Max asked me to come okay. Told me your dad was being an ass so here I am. I even have medicine and soup!” He held up a bag and smiled at him. It was silent for a couple seconds till BIlly started laughing.

“Oh my god! You’re serious!” Steve started to frown. Why did he have to be a dick all the time. “I was just trying to be nice forget it.” He stood up to leave but felt a hand around his wrist pulling him back. Billy wore a soft smile. “I’m not trying to be rude I’m sorry just funny that out of everyone she called you. God I’ll have to get her back for this.” He chuckled. Steve wasn’t to worried. It didn’t seem like he was actually going to do anything. So he sat on the side of the bed opening up the cold medicine handing a few to Billy. “Look at you. You gonna nurse me back to health pretty boy.” He winked before taking his medicine.

“You know for someone who’s sick you seem perfectly fine to me.” He spoke as he pulled the take out soup out of the bag. He handed it to Billy along with a spoon. Steve tossed the empty bag on the ground. He expected BIlly to already be eating but he was just leaning up on the wall smiling. “What… is there something on my face.” Billy handed him the spoon. “No but there will be if Nurse Harrington doesn’t take care of me.” Steve couldnt tell if the other was blushing or if it the fever. This guy really wanted him to feed him soup. Why is he always so difficult. “You’re insufferable.” Steve sighed and took the spoon from his hands and started feeding him.

“Is this some power play thing you got going on dude? Why are you doing this.” Billy had eaten almost half of the soup now. Steve gave him some time to swallow and answer him. “Nah man. I have Steve Harrington in my room. I’m gonna make the most of it.” Billy smiled and closed his eyes. He opened his mouth waiting for another spoon full. For some reason the comment made Steve blush. He returned to feeding him hoping Billy wouldn't notice the soft pink growing on his cheeks. Billy finished his soup and laid back. Steve tucked him back in his blankets.

“So why was your dad just going to let you sit here sick?” He couldn’t help himself. Sure his dad wasn’t the best but something told him Billy’s dad was on a whole other level. He watched Billy’s face change. “My pops is big on ‘being a man’. Can’t be weak. Can’t cry. Can’t be queer.” His eyes widened. “Billy… are you-“ “Yes I’m queer got a problem with it.” He looked like he was ready to fight. “No! No I don’t.. I’m not.. I’m also queer.. well bi or that’s what Robin says.” He laughed awkwardly. Billy laughed “Why do you think I call you pretty boy.”

Steve couldn’t find the words to say. This whole time Billy was just picking on him because he liked him. Steve owes Robin 20 bucks.

[hawkeyebj]

no okay i will let myself talk about top gun for a second. as a treat. keep going if u don't want my deranged thoughts. this actually turned into 10% top gun and 90% a strange horrifying glimpse into my psyche.

this has been eating me alive since [checks letterboxd account] april 29th. you know when you watch something and even partway through it you're like. 'oh. oh no am i like. gonna latch on to this?' and you're right. the silly little movie or tv show or what have you is :) not just a silly little movie anymore. it takes a hold of your braaaaiiiiinnnnnn. and its fun to get obsessed w/ something again, but also. sometimes it is something you are embarrassed about so you're like. are u serious. this? anyway this is me w/ top gun 1986. it is me with maverick in particular. also with icemav. however seeking out fan content to fuel this has been difficult sometimes bc every time i come across something that is like "uwu tom cruise <333" my first reaction is to recoil bc actually tom cruise, if anything, scares me lmao. he is not baby to me in any way. but that motherfucking gay ass stupid pilot he plays? baby. baby boy. my fucking poor little meow meow of the month. and i HATE myself for it. but i cannot shake it. i have kept this to myself for a month, and i actively tried to like not lean into it but i have failed miserably. got me bookmarking icemav fics on ao3. giggling and kicking my feet watching silly little edits. writing fic ideas that will likely never see the light of day. pilot boys i looooooove you and i hate it. and i mean obviously. top gun is a v popular movie. not weird to like it. what is weird is the things going on in my head about it. i wish i was exaggerating about the stupid amount of grief this has caused me. i will be alone in my own room and start berating myself out of embarrassment and like. it's not that serious babe. but also i would die before admitting this publicly. and it's not even that it's particularly niche or that i'm alone bc i can see that there actually is an active fandom. but i am just so like. judgemental but only to myself about anything and everything and it includes the things i like. i can do nothing without beating myself up about it first and it is exhausting.

anyway can you believe i knew next to nothing about top gun other than that it was some movie that a lot of people have seen/liked up until this year? blissfully unaware. it's funny (and agonizing) to me when i get an interest like this that i'm so embarrassed about. like it doesn't happen super often but it's like. yes i'm thinking about this all the time. no i will never talk about it. last time this happened to me i had one (1) freak who was on the same wavelength as me and we co-wrote over 500k worth of fic that we shared with no one and wrote purely for our own amusement. it was the best time of my life. i need another freak like that and i will never find one. not to turn this shameful rambling into something sappy but we lost touch after that and i miss the fuck out of her. [redacted] if you are somewhere out there you are so important to me and i'll never experience that again i am sure. no one else is ever going to have the same niche interest with the same niche [redacted] kink and write for it fervently together with me for over a year again. that will not happen so thank you for being special. i will always be chasing that level of narrative connection.

if you miraculously read this and thought i was even somewhat normal beforehand. sorry. it gets worse

[buriedsecretspodcast]

Ghost hunting as nostalgia

What could be more nostalgic than ghost hunting? You’re going through old, ruined places and looking for either the shades of the past, nature spirits, or some other lost and ineffable thing.

At one point, interest in the paranormal was driven by a desire to talk to the dead.¹ But is that still true today? As I watch the conversation about the paranormal unfold around me, I can’t help feeling that nostalgia is a major reason why many people are interested in the paranormal. I certainly recognize that nostalgia in myself. (And this question is certainly a fixation of mine; I talked about it in yesterday’s post too, and have a lot more to say on the subject, so stay tuned for that.)

What if, as we dive into the paranormal, we are looking for ourselves? Our childhoods? Or (as I wrote about last time) just something in the real world that we can connect to? What does it mean when the most real-feeling thing you can think of is as insubstantial as a ghost or an urban legend?

Millennial nostalgia

Millennials like me are said to be a particularly nostalgic generation. I happen to think that every generation has fond feelings for certain aspects of the past, but I will concede that most millennials I know — including me — are extremely nostalgic. You can blame it on a lot of things: we’re bombarded by bad news, made anxious by the constant threat of impending environmental collapse, and are becoming increasingly immiserated in general — you get the picture. There are a lot of upsetting things in daily life that anyone might want to escape from.

It’s nice think of a time when things were easier — or at least a time that you can look back at and imagine that things were easier. Our idea of the past is designed by our present selves, filtered through all the time that has elapsed since then, and shaped into something a little bit more palatable and beautiful than those bygone days actually were.

So when we’re looking for ghosts, what are we really looking for? What do we hope to find? Are we hunting the ghosts of other people or the ghosts of ourselves?

Looking for ghosts can be fun. There is this sense of childlike wonder, a concession that there is something that exists beyond the mundane world. There is also the treat of getting together with friends and doing something that is not mediated by screens and doesn’t involve consuming media products manufactured by corporate conglomerates.

Our ideas about the paranormal might be shaped by horror movies and paranormal investigation TV shows, which tend to be serious and gritty. But there’s an element of delight, optimism, and creativity inherent in the idea of looking for unseen things, digging into history, and analyzing the things you experience in the physical (or at least . . . non-digital) world.

Also, many people my age (and younger) grew up on paranormal TV. So there’s a nostalgia there, as well. While investigating, some folks may be, consciously or not, acting out or reinventing something that they once watched on television, and making it their own and tailoring it to their specific neck of the woods.

Liminality and change

In his book, The Trickster and the Paranormal, George P. Hansen wrote about how the paranormal bubbles up during liminal times — moments of transition and change. He writes about our discomfort with the liminal:

The middle area goes by several labels: liminality, interstitiality, transitional space, betwixt and between, anti-structure. These are dangerous positions, situations, and statuses. They break down categories, classifications, and boundaries. Violation of the boundaries was taboo and brought the wrath of the gods. There was a price to be paid.

And later he talks about ghosts’ liminal nature:

Ghosts are liminal (interstitial) creatures. They exist in the netherworld between life and death, and they challenge the idea that there is a clear separation of the two. The dread evoked by such beings can be profoundly disturbing.

When confronted with liminal times, we want to be comforted. Nostalgia can’t quite make us feel better, not completely, but it’s a balm, at least. From an article in Psychology Today:

Engaging in nostalgia is an emotional regulation strategy. Studies have found that we reach for it when we are experiencing negative affect, and especially loneliness (Wildschut et al., 2016), social exclusion (Seehusen et al., 2013), and feelings of meaninglessness (Routledge, Wildschut, Sedikides, Juhl, & Arndt, 2012). In those occasions, reminiscing not only helps us feel more connected but also bolsters our own sense of self-regard through social bonds. In a way, nostalgia allows us to place ourselves back in a supportive social context in which we feel connected and important.

Given all of that, it makes sense that paranormal weirdness bubbles up alongside a desire for nostalgia, since they’re both so closely linked to liminality, uncertainty, and change.

You can’t catch ghosts or return to the past

So often, people try to photograph or quantify ghosts and are disappointed. Despite what the Ghostbusters led us to believe, there isn’t a straightforward way to use a gadget to capture and control ghosts. They evade our perception more often than not.

But that doesn’t stop us from pursuing them. We think that if we keep looking, we’ll find our answer. Isn’t that also what we do when we try to recapture our pasts through nostalgia? We’re looking for something lost and gone that we can never recapture, but even the search is comforting in its way.

¹ To be clear, I know that some people are still motivated to investigate the paranormal because of loved ones who’ve died. But I wonder whether that has become a much smaller motivator.

[hokuto-no-pen]

The Origin Of Hokuto No Pen! (hi!)

It's honestly surreal to me that I'm going to be turning 27 on January 4th, 2023. My life has gone through so many changes. My father recently passed away on Christmas, and the 15th anniversary of when I started to become serious about being an animator was only some days ago.

I have been watching animation since I was a child, the first being Disney's Pinocchio. While I was mesmerized by the lifelike qualities of the characters and the way they moved, I'll admit I was sort of impervious to the storytelling of most western animation and some anime here and there. Part of it, was that Pinocchio is literally the greatest animated film in the world, and finding anything that wasn't downhill from there was hard. The animation is flawless, the gags timeless, and the characters incredibly appealing. However I was starting to get sick of these animated western movies that all had the same premises (I'll go into this in a later post. Look for Talking Animals, Talking Objects, and Superheroes.)

I certainly went through a manga and Pokemon phase like many children at that age, where I was genuinely interested in the idea of making a comic in the style and format of a manga, but most of my ideas then were sort of childish and cringeworthy like most elementary and middle schoolers. I loved playing Gameboy games, and valued my prized collection of Pokemon. I have so many fond memories of taking my Gameboy to summer camp to play Pokemon Leaf Green, and trading with my friends. I was certainly making art at the time, but was more focused on having fun and had no clear goals. After all, I was still a kid.

I clearly remember a big change culturally in 2006 when the English dub of Naruto premiered on Toonami for the first time. It was like a genuine break I saw from the same themes and characters I was seeing in western animation. I was just in shock that there was this cool TV show where there were these dudes flying around fighting in mid-air, with all these powers, tremendous worldbuilding, and of course loud grunge music that blasted every time it aired on TV.

At that point I had come to a very strong conclusion that I wanted to be a manga artist. So I spent most of my free time writing stories, but not in the way most other people were doing in. I would write the stories in a very simulated fashion, much like a director does takes of a stage play. I would treat it like I was a kid playing house, and I played the roles of all the characters, would voice them out, and truly test the characters I was writing to see how they could grow and become more interesting. Little did I know there was a film out there that would absoulutly blow my mind and make me drop being a manga artist all together in favor of making animation.

It was when I was 12 years old in December of 2008, I remember being invited to a friend's birthday party, where we watched two films: Hideyuki Kurata's original video animation, Read or Die, and Steamboy.

We watched maybe the first part of Steamboy before we got distracted by cake, but it was Read or Die that literally changed the course of my life forever. For the first time, I saw an animated story that moved me like nothing else had in my life, and created a burning fire in my heart that since has literally never left me.

To me, Hideyuki Kurata was a master at animated storytelling, and he made you feel like your were watching magic you could not explain. Not that it couldn't be broken down or explained, but you were so entertained you couldn't be bothered. It seemed like this man could make a story out of anything, and do so flawlessly. In a moment of being exposed to him, I realized that if I wanted to I could create media that had that kind of impact on myself. I wanted more than anything to do what he was doing.

In the following years, I became obsessed with Read Or Die and the media surrounding it, and began to research Hideyuki and his artistic process, which were like a guiding light to me in tough times.

It was around that time that I had started writing a multimedia project called Inspector Obvious. I kept writing scripts, rewriting, and figure drawing and creating art every single day. I would be submitting my portfolio to animation colleges in hopes that I could learn how to become a better animator. I worked hard in art classes, but was extremely bored and wanted more stimulation and more knowledge about animating from real animators.

I studied Japanese and even visited Japan in high school to the greatest of culture shock, and took my after school art classes as seriously as I could for an average high schooler.

Later in life, after various personal struggles I will refer to in another blogpost with content warnings, I finally worked up the courage to apply for an animation school despite the challenges I faced, and was accepted into Don Bluth University in 2020. I studied under Don Bluth for an entire year over zoom, along with a small class of wonder artists and animators at various skill levels. Don, despite being incredibly old, showed full mental sharpness and attention to each and everyone of us. For the first time, I got real advice about what I was doing wrong, and learned how to think like an animator, more so than I ever thought before.

Studying with Don Bluth changed my life. Since 2021 when I graduated from the program I have been working on my demo reel, and my Inspector Obvious multimedia project which I hope to share with the world someday.

This blog is a culmination of my adventures, and my specific knowledge I have gathered from various old animators overtime, and my nerdy rants about anime or whatever else I think people should know. I feel like I worked really hard to gain this knowledge, and want to share it with everyone.

I also taught myself how to cel paint, and will be discussing my methodology in detail on here.

Syd Fox - January 3rd, 2023

[delusional-mishaps]

Got any bad sanses x reader headcanons??? (Mainly with Nightmare, Error, Killer, Horror, and Dust) I love them all so picking one is hard….is it ok to ask for a possible poly relationship because everyone crushes on Y/N? And they are easily flustered cause they love them all.

bad guys poly!!! bad guys poly!!!! bad guys poly!!!! bad guys poly!!!!!! YEAAAA!!!!!

loosely the part one to the wedding headcanons

so you're like the most protect person in the entire multiverse

also maybe feared??? how'd you get these evil murder men to just follow your every whim???

nah because these mfs will literally do anything for you. A N Y T H I N G. i mean they literally already kill people so they can and will kill someone for you if you wanted.

aero would most likely be the one you started dating first. he caught a glimpse of you once on a mission and thought you were pretty/handsome/attractive/whatever you prefer and was like "woo mama i need to meet that person" and then showed up in your house one time KSNKSC

"i don't remember taking my halloween decorations out??" "awww you think i'm a decoration? am i really pretty enough to be a decoration??" "AHHHH IT TALKS"

and then you threw something at him. he dodged and you two just stared at each other for a few minutes after BAHAHAH

from then it was pretty common to come home to him eating half the junk food in your pantry, legs kicked up and watching whatever trash tv is on. your house is a mess. your life may or may not be in shambles. you don't like him very much.

but he grows on you!

one day he asks you out and at this point you were ACTUALLY starting to like him so you agree to date him

he wanted to try to keep you a secret but he has a big mouth and wanted to gush about you so he accidentally let slip once that he had a partner and everyone was like "oh?????? aero had a partner????? who is it????" because he NEVER gets serious about anyone ever so this is a big deal

and then he's like "hey babe wanna meet my family that's actually other versions of me" and fed up with his shit you say "you're insane" and then he and four others pop by your house and you're like "maybe you're not insane" BAHAHBANSNXK

look at you now you not only have ONE criminally insane skeleton friend but you have FIVE of them!!

eventually you start dating all of them somehow. why would you wanna date these insane little men??? dw i do too they're so silly

some took longer than others (delusion took the longest while pisces took the least amount of time) to get into a relationship with. but not being in a relationship never stopped you from flirting with them <3333

delusion would get the most flustered any time you would flirt with him. aero likes to flirt back and it's real hard to truly fluster him, but sometimes when you're being truly sentimental he'll get all blushy and shy <33 true feelings really get to him :O) don't let him know i told you

sometimes there are spouts of jealousy. despite his distant behaviour, vendetta does like when you hang out with him and he noticed when you hang out with him less than the others. just make sure to spend equal time with your boys <33 it won't totally stop the jealousy but it will certainly help

they are all super possessive of you. like, sometimes frighteningly so. you can't go out anywhere without one of them, and the entire time they'll be GLARING at anyone that even looks at you.

they are all very different lovers so what you can't get from one of them, you may get from another

pisces would be more-so the "gentle lover" out of the five. cuddles and purrs while the two of you lay in bed watching a movie and snacking. he's always making sure you're well-fed and taking care of yourself. he tells you he loves you a lot

grimm likes to treat you like royalty. he likes to spoil you, show you how much you're worth to him through possessions. of course, he can never truly show you just how much you mean to him solely through material gifts, but it's still nice to be pampered. plus your closet is fucking awesome. he sparsely says "i love you", but when he does, he says it with absolute adoration

aero leaves you with quick kisses, fleeting touches and hitched breath. he was the first of the five to get into a relationship with you, and he likes to hold that above everyone's heads. he likes to play tricks on you, but they're never terribly mean, and he always makes it up to you. he only ever says "i love you" when it's just the two of you, when you're alone and focused solely on each other.

vendetta likes to be alone, but he likes you even more than that. if he's having a particularity bad day, he'll search you out and whisk you away. you calm the erraticness of his fucked up soul. he's always been rather shy in public affections, but he won't hesitate to tell you that he loves you no matter who's around.

delusion is an odd one to date. he is very distant, both physically and emotionally. yet, he's entirely devoted to you. he'd burn worlds just to show his love for you. he, like grimm, will shower you in gifts, but his are always handmade. sentimental. he's only ever said "i love you" once. it slipped out once when you did something stupid. he got flustered and you didn't see him for a good few days after that.

[caitimetravels]

she's insignificant

chapter 6: how's it hanging?

the umbrella academy x (fem) reader

disclaimer: i do not own the plot/storyline of the netflix tv series and i do not own the umbrella academy characters.

warnings: none

masterlist

"there he is" y/n pointed towards the plumbing van across the street from the building she had stood in front of just yesterday with klaus and five. luther nodded, heading over first, looking through the window. y/n noticed something was off. "is he.. dreaming?" she frowned, glancing at luther who shrugged. she quickly climbed through the back while luther called out to him.

"five!"

"no!" five shouted in his sleep, brows furrowed in distress. he was having a nightmare. y/n gently reached over and held his shoulders, shaking him awake. 

"hey, five" she called softly, and his eyes snapped open, breathing heavily. "hey" she smiled sweetly, watching as he calmed down. luther opened the door, struggling to fit inside.

"you okay?" luther asked when he finally sat down, shutting the door.

"you shouldn't be.. how did you find me?" five got defensive right away. y/n sighed, moving back.

"well.." he nodded at y/n who smiled sheepishly before turning around at the sound of humming. 

"klaus?" he was dancing with dolores in the back.

"hey, a little privacy guys, we're really hitting it off back here-" he pretended to frown only for five to yell at him.

"get out!" he chucked a cup at him and klaus used dolores as a shield. "you can't be here! i'm in the middle of something"

"klaus" y/n held her arms out, taking dolores from him. "please, don't do that" her face scrunched in disgust at the thought. she didn't need more of her brothers becoming attached to dolores, one was enough.

"aw, why not, baby sis?" he moved closer, kneeling next to her and leaning on luther's seat. y/n sighed, holding dolores and leaning against five's. "any luck finding your one-eyed man?"

"what is he talking about?" luther looked between them all but five shrugged it of with a wave of his hand, gesturing to klaus.

"does it matter? it's klaus" five sighed, sitting up in his seat. "what do you want luther?"

"um.. so grace may have had something to do with dad's death. so, i need you to come back to the academy, it's important"

"it's important" five mumbled, scoffing. "you have no concept of what's important"

"hey" klaus diverted the attention to himself, "did i ever tell you guys about the time i waxed my ass with chocolate pudding?" he laughed, "it was so painful" he looked at five who turned away to laugh.

"what are you still doing here?" luther turned in his seat to look at klaus.

"what? i-what i need an excuse to hang out with my family?" 

"well, we're trying to have a serious conversation here" luther gestured between him and five. y/n sighed, why was everyone so doubtful of klaus? he was just trying to help. 

"and i'm incapable of being serious- is that what you're saying?" klaus held his hands to his chest, looking hurt.

"luther's got a point, you should get out" five sighed, 

"what?" klaus looked at him in betrayal before looking at y/n. "baby sis, you want me here, right?" 

"wanting you here and being able to hold a serious conversation are different things klaus" she shook her head in amusement. he frowned, "come on, let's go" she set dolores down before climbing to the side door of the van beside klaus.

"what? you're coming with me?" klaus smiled, cheering as he climbed out to.

"where are you going?" luther asked, looking at her in disbelief.

"you gestured to only you and five, luther. besides, klaus is more fun than you two. come get us when you're done fighting" she rolled her eyes. 

"y/n-" five tried before sighing as she shut the door.

"so, why'd you come with, anyways?" klaus linked his arm with y/n, heading towards the convenience store across the road. 

"i don't like the way they treat you" she sighed, patting his shoulder in sympathy. "let's get some food" he grinned as they reached the door to the store, splitting up to look through different aisles. it wasn't long before klaus held a handful of stuff he definitely couldn't afford. she snorted as he tried to run out, a police officer following him. 

"hey bitches!"

"dumbass" she rolled her eyes, picking up a coffee she had made in the corner before taking a lollipop and some chips. she closed her eyes, disappearing and reappearing in the van, behind five. she placed the coffee down in the middle, neither five nor luther noticing her yet. she pulled the wrapper off the lollipop, sucking on it.

they all watched klaus run across the road, almost getting hit with a cab. "out of the way, asshole!" he shouted.

"amateur" y/n scoffed as the officer caught up to him. five and luther turned to her in surprise. 

"i'm starting to wonder if that was the wisest decision" five watched him drop his things, looking at y/n who shrugged.

"i got you a coffee?" she smiled innocently, holding it up.

-

as luther went to collect klaus, y/n hung back, moving to sit beside five. "hey.." she faced him fully, watching as he continued to stare out at the building. "are you sure you're alright?"

"i'm fine" he denied, not looking over.

"then look me in the eyes and tell me that" she scoffed, before sighing and twirling her lollipop in her hand, staring intently at it. "five, i know you've been through a lot alone but.. you're not alone anymore. we're here- i'm here to help you now.. all you have to do is let me"

he finally turned to face her, expression softening. "i've done more than you think and.. i don't want you getting hurt in the process. like i said if i need help.. you're the first person i'd ask" 

"really?" she raised an eyebrow, pausing to stare at him now. "i don't believe you" he sighed, annoyed.

"you don't have to, but i would ask you first, you're most capable" 

"you're just saying that because i told you about dolores" she stuck her lollipop back in her mouth and crossed her arms, childishly.

there was a pause, "how.. how did you do it? i saw you there how were you-" he gestured a hand to the mannequin. 

"at first i trained with dad and i.. i couldn't reach you, no matter how hard i tried" she begun softly, looking back down at her hands. "then one day i just.. did. but you walked right through me and i- i didn't know what to do. i tried so hard to talk to you but you kept going right through me. i tried to touch you but my hand went right through and i touched dolores instead. i don't know how or why but.. it felt like a part of me was torn off" she shivered, hating the feeling that came with it. "i don't know why but i lied to dad, i told him i couldn't find you. he dismissed me, said training was over forever. so i studied instead, i failed and failed to reach you again and i studied physics and probability, anything to help you get back. one day i did find you again but i couldn't move, i couldn't do anything. you were reading vanya's book but it wasn't out yet, i saw your equations and your wagon.. i realised i was dolores later when you spoke to me, i was seeing through her eyes"

five stayed quiet, watching her intently. "i didn't get to see anymore, klaus and diego thought i was dying" she laughed bitterly, "i didn't find you again for a while and when i did you actually saw me.. as me and not dolores. well, you know obviously know what happened then.. but i kept seeing things in my dreams, i saw you, the things you did, i saw you grow up. it was.. weird but i think it was dolores" 

y/n sighed, reaching a hand out and opening the door. "i'll leave you to-"

"i meant it, you know?" five cut her off, frowning as he was now facing away from her again. "when i said you were the most trustworthy.. the strongest" 

a small smile graced her face. "i know" 

————————————————–

"do you really think mom would hurt dad?" they all sat around watching the tape on the tv screen except five who had refused to come.

"you haven't been home in a long time, vanya, maybe you don't know grace anymore" luther argued,

y/n sighed, "mom didn't have any intentions like that. she was definitely normal that day"

"if he was poisoned, it would have shown in the coroner's report" diego eyed luther, standing beside y/n.

"yeah, well, i don't need a report to show what i can see with my own eyes" luther gestured to the screen, hell bent on blaming someone for this.

"maybe all that low gravity in space messed with your vision" diego nodded, unconvinced and moved forwards, going back in the tape. "look closer, dad has his monocle, mom stands up, monocle gone" 

"oh yeah" klaus grinned, shaking his bag of chips.

"she wasn't poisoning him, she was taking it. to clean it" something was off. y/n eyed them all carefully. 

"then where is it?" luther turned the tape off, looking at him. "no, i've searched the house, including all of her things, she doesn't have it"

"that's because i took it from her.. after the funeral" diego admitted, holding one of his knives. y/n frowned, they were going to fight. 

"you've had the monocle this whole time? what the hell diego?!" allison uncrossed her arms, staring at him incredulously.

"give it to me!" luther demanded, moving forwards and holding a hand out.

"i threw it away" diego shrugged, still fiddling with his knife.

"you what?" allison laughed in disbelief, how could he? she raised her glass of alcohol to her lips.

"look, i knew that if you found it on mom, you'd lose your shit. just like you're doing right now" diego stood straight, pointing his knife towards luther.

"diego, you're such-" diego got into a fighting position, hands ready for round two.

"no, calm down" vanya interrupted, "look, i know dad wasn't exactly an open book but i do remember one thing he said. mom was, well, designed to be a caretaker but also as a protector"

"what does that mean?" allison asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

"she was programmed to intervene if someone's life was in jeopardy" y/n realised, catching on to where vanya was going with this.

"well, if her hardware is degrading then.. we need to turn her off" luther suggested and diego immediately disagreed.

"woah, woah, woah, woah wait, she's not just a vacuum cleaner you can throw in a closet, she feels things, i've seen it-" 

"she just stood there, diego, and watched out father die!" luther gestured to the screen again, trying to prove his point.

"i'm with luther" allison sighed, fiddling with her glass.

"surprise, surprise" diego sneered, everyone looking over at her.

"shut up" she snapped before they looked at vanya.

"i-i don't-"

"yeah, she shouldn't get a vote" diego threw his hands up, believing that she was going to go against him.

"i was going to say that i agree with you" she glared at him.

"okay, she should get a vote" he then turned on klaus. "what about you stoner boy? what've you got?" 

"oh, so what? you need my help now?" he rolled his eyes, "well, get out of the van klaus. oh, well, welcome back to the van!"

"what van?" allison looked between them all.

"we're not shutting mom down!" y/n shut down any more talking. they looked over at her. she looked disappointed and angry. "i thought we said no more fighting" she crossed her arms, looking pointedly at luther.

"exactly! i'm with y/n and diego because screw you" klaus glared at luther and diego pointed klaus nodding. "and if ben were here, he'd agree with me" there was pause before klaus hissed at the couch.

"so, that's four to two" diego held up his fingers.

"it's not final yet" allison argued, "klaus doesn't count, he's high and drunk"

"what?" diego glared at her, hands falling.

"and five's not here yet. the whole family has to vote, we owe each other that" 

"right" luther nodded and vanya agreed.

y/n scoffed, "we owe each other? we don't owe each other shit" diego agreed, "all i wanted was my family back, no more fights. if we really owe each other the least you could is that" they all watched silently as she left. 

————————————————–

a young diego ran down the hallway, suit only half on. he wore his button up shirt, tie and sweater vest over the top. he disappeared through a doorway as allison rushed down the stairs. 

"come on luther!" she called through a doorway at the bottom before rushing the way diego had come. reginald walked out and stood in the hallway.

"how will the umbrella academy ever become an effective crime deterrent if we can't even leave the house on time for missions?" he yelled out so that all of them would hear. 

"behind you" luther called, jumping past reginald to scurry down the hall. allison searched through her draws hastily, chucking clothes onto the floor around her. 

"i can't find my domino mask" she rushed back only to be stopped by grace who held it out.

"it needed a little bit of tlc after the last mission" she smiled as allison took it, thanking her. grace walked out and down the hall, stopping at luther's room first where he was currently doing push ups. 

"ready to go?" she received a thumbs up before she continued walking. 

"where's my knives?" diego shouted, rushing through the house at the other end of the hallway. grace stopped in front of vanya's room where she was practicing her violin.

"sounds beautiful, vanya" she complimented with a soft smile. 

"thanks mom" 

grace then walked to klaus' room where he was jumping on his bed, grinning and laughing at the chest of drawers on fire. "oh, klaus" she scolded, putting the fire out.

"thank you, mother" he smiled, hoping off his bed. she shook her head with a small grin.

"boys will be boys" 

ben rushed down the hallway next, hand fiddling with his zip. "oh, ben" she gently stopped him.

"it-its stuck" he tried to pull it up again. grace softly fixed it for him before letting him go. "guys! wait for me" he called as he ran off.

grace paused outside diego's room, hearing him practice his speech, trying to get over his stutter.

"don't m-m-m" he struggled to get the word out. grace walked in, smiling and placing her hands on his shoulders.

"remember, diego. just picture the word in your mind" he breathed out, nodding before trying again.

"d-don't m-m.. d-don't m.. don't m-move" grace gasped, happy.

"you did it!" she grinned, touching a hand to his cheek. "i'm so proud of you"

someone cleared their throat in the doorway, interrupting. there stood reginald and beside him y/n. diego watched as he smile faded at her father's cough. she had been happy for him too.

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