#Short-term gratification for not dying

[golden--flowers]

Nooo I was having an autistic and depressy moment about the show I was counting on watching today not having a new episode so I took a nap to feel better and now it's too close to sunset to take a walk...

[veganbutterchicken]

figure my heart out - Chapter 4/11 - veganbutterchicken

Wolfstar. M. 48,9k+. Alternate Universe - University. Strangers to Lovers.

It was his own carnality that was the problem. Remus could’ve been a good person. It was within reach of his own fingerprints, if only he wanted to. But did he? Because being a good person included having to say “No, sorry. I need to pass this class or otherwise I’d end up feeling like shit,” whenever the circumstances to skip another lecture arrived, or texting goodbye to Sirius every day at 11pm, because he needed that sleep, desperately, to last through another day without falling asleep on the spot. Remus knew that it would make him feel better in the long term.

And yet, there was a part of him that wanted the gratification now, to hit him fast like a drug injected in his vein. Because when Sirius proposed anything, with that cocked head of his, a devilish grin that he seemed to always be wearing when he came up those wild ideas, and a bostful glint in his eye that Remus would never be able to resist, he could not say no. It was a terrible decision and it carried deadly aftereffects, but with Sirius around, Remus could live with those.

Summary:

Remus was exhausted. Managing university and his dying social life was stressful enough.

After his little brother befriended his classmate, Regulus Black, Remus found himself in a constant, sweeping presence of Sirius Black. He should’ve disliked him; after all, Lily hated Sirius for a reason. But Sirius was nothing but nice to him, the two of them shared the same love for video essays and, well, Remus’s silly brain was short-circuiting a little too much in Sirius’s presence.

Playlist here

Chapter 1 here

[falciesystemessays]

Can I make a confession?

I hate thinking about my future.

(I promise this is related to video games.)

It could just be something in my brain.

It could be that, the way school has always led to more school, I'd always felt like my life was being decided for me.

It could be that, as a suicidal trans kid living on a dying rock, I never felt like I had a future.

But I had never in my life considered I would get this far, and at this point I have to grapple with the fact that I'm only getting older.

I need to move out eventually. I need to make a living. And I need to keep myself alive and healthy.

But something in me just hates thinking about that.

Of course, I notice this in the games I play too. I love tactics games like Fire Emblem, but the superficially similar Advance Wars could never grip me. While Fire Emblem gives me all of my chess pieces and makes me use them accordingly, Advance Wars makes me think several turns ahead and choose which units to create. Advance Wars is a much more long-term game, and I can't help but hate that.

I've been thinking for years about the prospect of using games to teach me what I don't know. Surely, if a game can finally make me understand long-term thinking, then I will be fixed. And I hate that framing, "fixed." These issues are very likely caused by ADHD, and the brain is just more complicated than any platitude can solve. But I also know that I do have to start thinking long-term, or I will suffer.

I've always hated brushing my teeth. When I was a kid, I would pretend to brush them to make my mom happy, but I just don't like having to put some stick of goo in my mouth, and even now that I do it regularly it doesn't feel good. I thought things would be okay forever, until I started having dental problems. Any individual day where I don't brush my teeth honestly doesn't make that big of a difference. But these choices in aggregate across years can have disastrous effects.

I started thinking about this as I replayed FTL recently. FTL: Faster Than Light is the first game released by Subset Games. Their second game, Into the Breach, is one of my favorite video games of all time. But crucially, everything I like about Into the Breach was an explicit response to something I didn't like about FTL. FTL has too much randomness, so ITB removes a bunch of randomness. FTL has too much hidden information, so ITB shows you exactly what enemies are going to do next. And in a game of Into the Breach, everything you need to think about is right in front of you. In FTL, you have to think ahead.

There's a few design choices in FTL I chafe against. Upgrading your ship is pretty expensive, and I never know how much it's worth saving up until it's too late. Your ship taking damage is unavoidable, and that damage sticks around between battles. Nearly every action costs some kind of resource that I don't know if I'll get back. It's a game that demands you think about it on a large scale, and after years of trying and failing, I cannot for the life of me figure out how to get good at this game.

Do I just not have the brain for it?

But you know, it's not just lack of understanding that makes me put the short-term first. I've gotten into feuds with my parents about dieting before, as their legitimate concerns about health combined with unchecked fatphobia to leave me feeling like they just wanted control over my body. And while I recognize it's immature, these days I'll often eat something unhealthy on purpose out of spite. Making myself some dumplings, using all the salt and butter I could ever want, feels good, and tastes good too. But it was only today when, at a checkup about hormones, I agreed to weigh myself, and didn't like what I saw.

There are some games that provide delayed gratification. Games like Animal Crossing and Pokemon that use real-world time for game mechanics. In Animal Crossing, it's not enough to simply grow a tree, you have to plant it, and then water it for days. In Pokemon Shining Pearl, you have to wait until Friday to catch a Drifloon. These games treat the passage of time as a game mechanic in itself.

...Or at least, they do in theory. In practice, these games are awash with time travelers, changing the system clock to skip the wait.

I wish I had the answers, but I don't. I don't know how to teach myself this vital skill, and I'm searching still for a game that can help with that. Maybe I'll be the one to make it.

But I guess what I do want to say is that, if you also hate thinking about the future, whether that's in games or in life...

I understand.

[xiaq]

I think i might want to become a teacher and help kids who are having a tough time and all that, and i really like reading your posts about it, but i’m not sure if i actually want to be one or if i want to be the Idealized Version that i have in my head you know? What’s being a teacher actually like?sorry if this doesn’t make any sense i’m tired

I am also tired so please enjoy what is sure to be a stream of consciousness mess:

I mean. I'll be real with you: it's hard.

A brief overview: I start my day on campus at 8am and go home at 5pm. I get 2 of 7 periods off, and a 30-minute lunch break. I try to plan/grade during my off periods but I usually don't manage to get it all done which means an hour or so of additional work each night when I get home or several hours on the weekend.

I write about the good stuff because the good 100% outweighs the bad for me, at least right now.

But every day I come home exhausted because I've taught the same lesson 5 times and I've been "on" all day because the higher my energy/excitement is, and the more I'm moving around, the more likely it is that I'll maintain my students' attention. And I admittedly make it a bit worse for myself because I don't get a break at all: I let students come hang out during lunch and I let the counselors designate my classroom as a safe space during my off periods so students who are struggling (with personal stuff or learning stuff) can come to my room and draw on the wall or sit and decompress or (often) just have a quiet chat.

And because we're understaffed, I have to take on additional duties that I shouldn't have to, and I'm not getting paid for.

And because we're understaffed, admin and IT are basically useless, so I feel like I'm trying my hardest but no one is interested in supporting me.

And the students are...a bit feral.

They're freshmen, but the last normal year of school they had was 7th grade. So they're a bit socially inept and a bit resentful and bit jaded. And most of them were already "behind" the standard benchmarks because they're ESL students and economically vulnerable students and Covid has just exacerbated all of the existing things they were dealing with. Their lives are hard right now, and it's fair that they're less interested in school work because it feels so disconnected from the immediacy of their other concerns: their family can't afford to make rent, their family members are dying from Covid, their family members are being deported. I wouldn't care about my Chemistry homework either.

But this also makes them so damn focused on short-term immediate gratification. They're all addicted (and I do mean ADDICTED) to their phones. Getting them to focus for more than two minutes is a constant struggle and often I have students who try to do the bare minimum to pass so that they can turn in the assignment and then spend the last ten minutes of class scrolling through TikTok and snapchatting their friends. They're not good with big-picture stuff. And I don't blame them.

But all that aside--it's so completely worth it, at least to me. And I'll probably get burnt out in a few years, but it will still have been worth it because when I took on the class, nearly half my students were failing. Now, out of my 105 students, only 3 are currently failing and over half of them have a B or higher. It's worth it because I have dozens of students who went from silent and sullen to now talking in class, from turning in one-sentence responses to turning in paragraphs. I have notorious skippers who have perfect attendance and "problem children" with 0 disciplinary issues. I have students who are turning in poetry that make me cry because they are so full of feelings and don't know what to do with them and, worse, didn't think someone cared about their feelings up until this point.

I think to be a genuinely good teacher you have to care more than is probably healthy. Because the minute these kids showed up on my roster I felt a responsibility toward them--not just to get them through the semester and on to the next level of English, but to make sure that they feel seen and heard and respected and loved and I think I'm doing a pretty good job of it, even if I'm not able to give them all the tailored education and attention I'd like to.

But every time I have a student who comes to me for help or empathy with a family issue or asks me to advocate for them to another teacher who isn't respecting their pronouns or who turns something in that they've worked really hard on and asks if they've improved with a little hopeful expression, and then light up like a Christmas tree the moment I give them a tiny bit of validation, I'm like. Jesus. Why would I want to do anything else?

My high school English teacher not only made high school survivable but likely changed my entire life for the better. I can only hope I have a similar impact on some of my kids, and that's what makes the job worth it, I guess.

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Shaw’s S2 R&S - What is known as amazing the world

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a Rumours & Secrets, 所谓一鸣惊人, which has not been released in EN! 🍒

This R&S features S2 Shaw, but no knowledge of S2 is required to enjoy this~

In terms of sequencing, this is Shaw’s third S2 R&S!

[ Chapter One ]

When mentioning the tutor of the Archaeology Department in Loveland University, Professor Shen deserves greatest respect. Precisely because of the high academic requirements, he had not recruited graduate students in recent years. However, he didn't find anything wrong with this. He occasionally taught undergraduates, then immersed himself in his own academic research. His days followed a pretty regular pattern.

During such an ordinary time, Professor Shen met Shaw for the first time.

The day he interviewed Shaw was also the warmest afternoon in the late spring of Loveland City. The sycamore trees on both sides of the road were working hard to produce new buds. Professor Shen carried a pile of materials, walking across the sunny open space to the building where the graduate students were sitting for the second round of examinations.

So far, he had re-examined five students. Their performances were very mediocre, and there was still quite a lot of distance from his expectations. However, the student to be re-examined later was slightly different. The materials showed that he was directly recommended to him by Loveland University. Based on his age, he should be a young student. Amidst the twenty-five, twenty-six, and even older re-examinees, he had subconsciously left an impression on Professor Shen.

After dusting off the sycamore puffs that had fallen on his shoulders, Professor Shen entered the classroom. Before long, what accompanied the hands of the clock reaching 2pm were two beeps at the door of the classroom.

"Hello teacher, my name's Shaw.”

Hearing this, Professor Shen lifted his head. The boy at the door was indeed very young, but his flamboyant bluish purple short hair, incomparably avant-garde clothes, and flat expression without much of a smile rendered Professor Shen stunned for a second or two. But he quickly smoothened his expression, warmly beckoning Shaw to enter.

The student named Shaw wasn’t reserved at all. He sat down naturally on the chair in the middle, placing a black schoolbag casually at his feet.

Whether he was making judgments based on appearances or was no longer holding much hope, at that moment, Professor Shen thought that this was another interview where he would simply go through the motions. He raised some standard questions. Unexpectedly, Shaw actually answered them decently. Professor Shen's spirits gradually rose.

"What you wrote about in your undergraduate thesis was..." Professor Shen flipped through the materials in his hands. Just as he found the information, a clear voice sounded fluently. "《A Statistical Analysis of the Age and Gender of Human Skeletons Unearthed in Xushan》. It includes the basic condition of the unearthed human bones, any damage, pathological changes, as well as an analysis of the population and health of that period.”

"Does this mean you’re interested in physical anthropology?" Professor Shen pushed the glasses on the bridge of his nose, staring at Shaw with interest. "In that case, why did you apply to be my graduate student?" He needed to know that Professor Shen’s research direction was mainly on the appreciation of ancient appliances and field archaeology.

Faced with Professor Shen's sharp and intense gaze, Shaw didn’t panic at all. He shifted his overlapped legs, arching his eyebrows slightly. “Physical anthropology is a field that I wasn’t really familiar with, so I wanted to challenge it to learn more. Teacher's research direction is what I’m truly interested in." After he finished speaking, he added, "By the way, if I have the chance, I’d like to participate in field work a few times."

"Oh? The graduation thesis is such an important aspect. Isn’t challenging a new field very risky?" Professor Shen continued to probe.

Hearing this question, the corners of Shaw’s lips slanted, revealing his first smile of the day. However, there was an incredibly serious look in his eyes. He didn’t give a direct answer, but spoke leisurely, word by word. "Archaeology has always been a risk where expectations may end up fruitless. Don’t you agree?”

The re-examination and what Shaw said greatly exceeded Professor Shen's initial expectations. Outstanding schoolwork, comprehensive knowledge and an open-minded attitude. Except for seeming rather brash and conceited, Professor Shen wasn’t able to find fault with him at that moment. He drew a circle on Shaw's materials, then lifted his head to ask the final question:

"Student Shaw seems to be a young man with a lot of personality. So why did you choose the archaeology major that most people find boring?”

-

[ Chapter Two ]

The new semester has commenced for almost two weeks. For Professor Shen, aside from the need to attend a few more professional courses, his teaching life doesn’t seem to have changed much. He hasn't taken a graduate student in two years, and he hasn't gotten used to it yet. Fortunately, Shaw has never been someone who would simply wait passively.

After class this morning, Professor Shen returns to the office. Right after opening the stack of archaeological reports he’s been reading recently, there’s a sudden knock at the door.

"Shaw, is there a problem?" Professor Shen removes his reading glasses and asks composedly.

Shaw has a black backpack slung over one shoulder. He strides over to Professor Shen's desk. Scratching his own hair casually, he speaks with laziness in his tone. “Professor, you gave too little homework. Can’t you assign more?”

Professor Shen suddenly chuckles. Even though it’s only been two weeks since school started, he has already seen Shaw's agile mind and excellent learning speed. Professor Shen isn’t surprised by Shaw's request. But in his opinion, being overly eager isn’t always a good sign to rely on.

Professor Shen ponders for a moment, puts on his glasses again, then says to Shaw, "There’s another assignment, but I don't know if you’d be willing to do it.”

“Tell me about it?”

“You could draw pictures of the flowerbeds in school and objects in the classroom, then practice your fundamental sketching skills.”

Treating flower beds as ruins and objects as appliances is a method that many archaeology students use when practising sketching. But when this assignment comes out of Professor Shen's mouth...

Shaw sweeps a glance at the genial Professor Shen as he sits behind the desk. He purses his lips. Without a word, he hauls up his backpack and turns around, walking towards the office door. Just as he’s about to leave, he turns slightly with a soft “hmph”.

He doesn’t know if Professor Shen heard this sound, nor does he care that much. After all, he has once again immersed himself in the pile of archaeology reports.

-

Just after 5pm, Professor Shen hurries to a research meeting while carrying documents.

The sky at the end of summer is still very bright, clear and azure, without a single shadow of dusk. Professor Shen turns around a corner, and suddenly finds that the back not too far ahead is very familiar - the bluish-purple hair is one of the few in the whole of Loveland University, and he knows at a glance that it’s Shaw. And in front of Shaw, facing Professor Shen’s direction, is a girl with short hair and dressed in a delicate manner.

Professor Shen walks closer and closer. He’s unable to hear what the girl says, and only sees the shy expression on her face.

“Hey, I’m rushing to the band. You’re in the way.” Shaw’s voice is very cold, and even somewhat impatient. The girl seems a little reluctant to withdraw, and reaches out to grab Shaw. However, Shaw turns sideways and steps backwards, dodging instantly. At this point, Shaw knits his brows tightly, his eyes dyed with a sharp and impatient light. “I’ll repeat myself for the last time. I’m. Not. Interested.”

After saying this with a decisive attitude, Shaw walks away.

Walking from behind Shaw to a different branch of the corridor, Professor Shen grips the documents tightly. Actually, whether a student likes to be in a band or is adored by girls, these things belonging to the private lives of students aren’t what he’s interested in nor what he has ever interfered in. To him, what students place value on most are the quality of learning and professionalism. As for other things...

Professor Shen glances at his watch and subconsciously speeds up his pace. While he hurries, he hopes that his original judgment was correct, and hopes that Shaw is indeed a good successor worth cultivating, just as he appeared during the re-examination.

-

[ Chapter 3 ]

A week passes by suddenly.

Sitting at the desk which receives plentiful sunlight, Professor Shen flips through the stack of sketching assignments that Shaw had just handed in, an imperceptible smile of satisfaction on his lips.

In addition to printed computer drawings, another half are hand-drawn sketches by Shaw using a pen, and they are of pretty good quality. Over the years, Professor Shen had seen too many young kids neglecting hand-drawn sketches because they relied too much on computer drawings. No matter what decade it is, the most primitive and foundational skills should be the most solid.

The sense of gratification causes Professor Shen to sigh. However, the page he just flipped to causes him to stop abruptly - this is obviously not part of the drawing assignment. It looks like an analysis report... Professor Shen props up his glasses, reading it carefully from the beginning. Then, he realises that this is an analysis of archaeological reports. Flipping to the back roughly, he finds that coincidentally, this analysis is targeted at the stack of archaeological reports Professor Shen had been reading recently.

With no time to be surprised, Professor Shen straightens his back in an instant, sits up straight, and reads the analysis written by Shaw from start to finish carefully. Whether it’s the standardised writing format, the hypothesis proposed in response to pictures and existing materials, or the objectivity of the comparisons drawn, they can already be regarded as the standard of a professional. 

Even though he doesn’t know where Shaw obtained the archaeological reports, what is undeniable is that he used his "little brain". But what is even more undeniable is that just by skimming through the analysis, Professor Shen can see Shaw’s solid foundational and expansive knowledge.

Through this unassigned piece of homework, Professor Shen feels that what he sees isn’t just a very young student who’s just beginning graduate school. What’s displayed before his eyes is Shaw’s undiscovered potential and possibilities.

Professor Shen gets a full glass of water from the water dispenser, and Biluochun leaves twirl and dance in the transparent glass. He walks over to the window, blowing at the mouth of the cup. Then, he takes a few sips of tea slowly, appearing to be in a good mood.

In his mind, he recalls the content of the analysis report, as well as Shaw's appearance when he came to submit his assignment early in the morning.

At that time, his steps were confident and full of vigour. He walked straight to the table to set down his assignment, then raised his eyebrows in glowing spirits. "Professor, remember to read till the end."

Now that he thinks about it, Professor Shen seems to taste the unhesitating confidence and the unwillingness to admit defeat in Shaw's eyes that he didn’t notice before.

It looks like this kid felt that he was being underestimated before. Full of pent up grievances, he wanted to prove his capabilities! This was simply his slightly awkward yet incomparably confident demeanour...

Professor Shen sighs softly, then can’t help but chuckle.

Before him, the sun is still climbing up at 10am, but the radiance of sunlight is already incomparably dazzling.

-

[ Chapter Four ]

After a few autumn rains, Loveland City gradually turns cooling. Professor Shen's body isn’t very good, so he puts on a thick coat early.

On this day, Professor Shen comes to the office with a briefcase as usual. He methodically prepares Biluochun, takes out his materials and pen, and puts on his glasses. Just as he’s about to start work, the new young lecturer Xiao Fu suddenly turns to his desk while holding his phone. “Professor Shen, look at this quickly. This boy in the middle looks like your graduate student!"

“Why do I feel as if he might be that student of yours?" Teacher Fu looks increasingly certain that he’s correct. "I met him several times before. It’s that cool and triumphant look. Even the colour of his hair matches!"

Professor Shen lowers his head, pulling down his glasses, and the image on the phone screen is displayed in an instant. It seems to be a video of a performance. The musicians on stage are very lively, and the atmosphere under the stage seems to be extraordinarily enthusiastic. The person playing the bass intently and fervently in the middle - who else could he be but Shaw?

Even before Professor Shen speaks, Teacher Fu has already affirmed to himself. “That’s right, it’s him! I remember someone mentioning that he was in band, but I didn't expect him to look like this...”

Professor Shen's eyes are still focused on the phone screen. In the video, Shaw has the youthful vigour that he can only have at his age. He’s full of spirit, rebellious and eccentric, and exudes fervent vitality. He can attract everyone’s attention almost instantly, as though he's a natural focal point.

But such a Shaw seems slightly foreign to Professor Shen. In the past two or three months, the Shaw he has seen is a graduate student who rushes to and from school, but is very earnest in his specialised course, and is also very meticulous in research.

Teacher Fu has already taken his phone away and returned to his own desk. Professor Shen’s gaze returns to his materials, but there are still some emotions stirring in his heart.

The more interactions he has with Shaw, the more Professor thinks that he’s akin to a treasure. Although he may make someone feel conflicted, he always brings unexpected surprises to others. Initially, Professor Shen thought there might only be jade here. But after more digging, he found calligraphy and paintings and utensils. Thinking that this would be the end, taking a turn resulted in the digging of gold, silver, copper and iron. As for whether there would be other treasures in the future...

Knock knock.

Hearing knocks at the door, Professor Shen lifts his head instinctively - truly, speak of the devil.

"Professor, I came to ask about something." Shaw strides over. Standing before the desk, Shaw looks at Professor Shen with an indifferent expression, as if he’s just speaking thoughtlessly. "I heard that the excavation and inspection of the Hou Yin Tan site will be carried out soon. Anyway, my usual assignments aren’t urgent. I’m thinking of strolling around the area with you.”

Through the spectacle lenses, Professor Shen looks at the seemingly expressionless Shaw, and can’t help but chuckle.

He thinks to himself - perhaps no one has told Shaw that even though he always uses nonchalance as a cover, the insuppressible earnestness in his eyes are unable to conceal his genuine anticipation.

-

[ Chapter 5 ]

The excavation work has commenced for over a month, and everything is proceeding on tenterhooks and in an orderly manner.

Field excavation has always been a bitter and boring part of archaeological work. In addition to digging for long hours in a desolate field, it’s also common to find nothing after digging till the end. At the very least, Shaw has already experienced it several times this month.

It’s another cold and windy morning. Professor Shen comes to the excavation site early, only to find that Shaw hasn’t arrived yet, which is rare. Something noteworthy is that Shaw has been coming here earlier than him every day. But within a few minutes, Shaw appears, walking over while talking on the phone. Something is said on the other end of the line. Shaw arches his eyebrows in his signature style. "Tch, so long-winded... Got it.”

Professor Shen notices a cute rabbit pendant dangling from the bottom of Shaw’s phone, though he doesn’t know when it first appeared. He shows a smile of understanding, no longer paying attention to Shaw's actions, lowering his head to start a new day of work. After a while, a number of villagers from the vicinity also come over and they all greet Shaw first.

This is also something Professor Shen noticed on hindsight. At some point in time, Shaw had established a rapport with the villagers. Having the villagers in the vicinity cooperate and even participate in an amiable manner is another very important part of field excavation. In this aspect, Shaw's performance can be regarded as attaining a satisfactory full marks.

"Professor, leave the rest of the shaving to me." Shaw squats down beside Professor Shen, holding a shovel in his hand. Professor Shen doesn’t immediately express his opinion. Instead, he smiles slightly. "Finished your call with your girlfriend?" Shaw averts his eyes in a hurry, which is rare. He purses his lips. “Who said that she’s... Professor, don’t get infected by Mr Fu’s gossip.” Professor Shen chuckles while standing up slowly. Then, he pats Shaw on the shoulder. "I'll take a look at the pit."

Shaving is time-consuming and hard work, let alone shaving in winter. In spite of thin sunlight, the bitter cold wind hovers over the site, causing Shaw's nose to redden unknowingly. His ripped jeans have long since been covered in dust, and even his originally shiny earrings are coated in ash. Even so, Shaw simply kneels on the ground with ease, cleaning the ground while holding the shovel firmly, shovelling the ground and four walls carefully.

The shaving takes five hours.

Dinner naturally consists of a group of people eating together. When Shaw arrives, he has already taken a shower and is restored to a clean and refreshed state. However, when using chopsticks to pick out vegetables, Professor Shen notices his unusual behaviour immediately: he rarely moves his chopsticks, and he has been picking the vegetables slower than usual. After a few more glances, Professor Shen realises that his hands had turned swollen during the five consecutive hours of shaving.

Despite this, even after the meal is over, Shaw doesn’t say a word or complain at all.

Professor Shen is even more satisfied with the only graduate student he has. He can’t help but compliment him coolly. "You’ve done a good job recently. If you want to learn archeology properly, you must have this earnestness and inextinguishable momentum."

Shaw pauses for a second, but still has that triumphant expression when he speaks. "That goes without saying." But Professor Shen clearly sees how Shaw's eyes had lit up in an instant, and how his brows raised involuntarily.

Professor Shen smiles while shaking his head, looking at Shaw whose words don’t match his genuine feelings. He doesn’t know what Shaw experienced, and perhaps his cynicism is to some extent a defence mechanism. As long as he pretends not to care, there will never come a time when his expectations come to naught. And this also gives him a chance to rewind the situation. Even though amazing the world with brilliant feats bring with it surprises, it occasionally makes Professor Shen feel that what he’s doing is akin to a child looking forward to rewards...

With this thought in mind, Professor Shen smiles while walking away.

-

When Professor Shen arrives the next morning, many people are already surrounding the area. There’s an interview with the TV station today, and Professor Shen had long since pushed Shaw out. A young man with such an advantageous appearance is suitable to be on TV.

As expected, the host is holding the microphone and conducting the interview. Looking at Shaw’s knitted brows, Professor Shen can't help but laugh, knowing that he’s trying his best to answer patiently. At this moment, the host suddenly asks a rather familiar question. "Why are you studying archaeology?"

This question seems to pull time backwards to more than half a year ago, when Professor Shen met Shaw for the first time -

"Student Shaw seems to be a young man with a lot of personality. So why did you choose the archaeology major that most people find boring?”

Shaw arches his eyebrows. "Because I like it." He lifts his chin slightly, showing a determined smile. "Isn't liking something the greatest display of personality?”

More from S2: here

[my-bated-breath]

Closing Thoughts on Vincenzo

No one asked, but here you go.

I watched the last two episodes of Vincenzo yesterday, but even in the midst of my viewing experience I was able to synthesis and analyze what I was enjoying and not-enjoying, what worked and what didn’t work (for me), so that itself says something about how immersive it was. Of course, Vincenzo is a great show — the action is sharp and satisfying, the schemes are elaborate and spectacular, the humor is cracky yet genuine, and the characters are so, so lovable. And I loved the romance side plot, because yes, I am weak. Still, the last 2-4 episodes strained some of that, and this is my take on why I felt not exactly disappointed, but underwhelmed in the final stretch. I’m also including what I did like at the very end, as that makes sense with how I’m structuring this kind-of-analysis.

spoilers below

Tension, Stakes, and Pay-off

The tension in Vincenzo has been ramped up ever since the death of Vincenzo’s mother, loudly and painfully declaring in that moment that “this is not a game” (contrary to Vincenzo telling Hanseok in jail that he’s toying with him). This leads to a chilling confrontation between Vincenzo and the antagonists while also uniting the residents of Geumga in all-out, unapologetic war. And there is no more game of chess — just one of cat and mouse, with Vincenzo descending upon his prey.

Hence, Vincenzo is noticeably less soft, and he strikes Babel with the steel of his resolve. His schemes feel much more sinister than mischievous as they had been before; he is ending this, once and for all. So, how does the show amp up the tension and stakes from there?

Well, it’s all in what I said before. The tension is teased out in Vincenzo stealing everything Hanseok has ever treasured and then taunting/threatening him in prison, and then with the Babel villains descending into chaos and desperation. The stakes, however, are less noticeable, because Vincenzo is kind of obviously winning. The stakes have already been established with Vincenzo’s mother, then paid off with her death, and then paid off even more with Vincenzo mercilessly seizing the upper hand.

That’s why I feel like Myunghee and Hanseo’s death just... happened. Because it’s been 3 whole episodes since Vincenzo has founded this new resolve, that sort of dragged out follow-up loses its thrill and gratification. They’ve been defeated now, completely and totally. But so what? They’ve been on the losing end for more than 3 hours of screen time now, and even their last resort of a counterattack didn’t hold much narrative weight (which is something I’ll get to later). Their deaths are not boring to say the least — I saw a post that said something similar to “Myunghee, a woman who danced to the music of others’ pain, died dancing to her own” and “Hanseo, a man with no heart, has a hole drilled into that empty cavity.”

But their deaths also happen very isolated from everyone else, not just physically, but emotionally as well. It’s almost as if Vincenzo’s clapping his hands and saying, “Let’s wrap this up now, I’m getting a little tired.” And while I wouldn’t say their deaths are unnecessarily cruel, given everything they’ve done, I don’t think Vincenzo does this in response to anything particularly substantial. Is this for his mother’s death? For Chayoung’s injury? For everyone else? Well, maybe, but it sure didn’t feel like he was contemplating that during or after torturing them. If I put the Vincenzo from the beginning of the show there in those two scenes vs Vincenzo from the end of the show, post character development and all, I think the only difference would be that beginning-of-the-show Vincenzo would still be unfamiliar with Babel’s crimes and see this as a waste of time.

A sort of side note: Now, one of the strong points of this show is its use of comedy in its otherwise very serious schemes (I still thinking about episodes 8 and 15 all the time). But with the impending climax and increasingly serious tone, there was no comedy to make said-serious schemes as engaging to watch. So now unable to rely on one of its greatest strengths, the show must rely on emotional impact. Or similarly: narrative weight.

Narrative Weight

In episodes 19-20, Chayoung is shot, Hanseo dies, and Chulwook is stabbed (and you think he’s going to die but he doesn’t). Who said there was no emotional impact in these episodes again?!

Oh right. Me.

Beyond Hong Yuchan and Oh Gyeongja’s death, injuries and fatalities suffered from our protagonists’ side don’t really have that many consequences. You can argue the consequences of Hanseo dying is that we’re all very sad, but both we and the characters are barely given a moment to grieve before we have to move on. What does Hanseo die for? He dies as an abuse victim just beginning to break out of the cycle he was trapped in, and that itself isn’t necessary a bad narrative choice, and he dies as a warrior in this Mafia vs Conglomerate war, but what does he die for? If it’s for Vincenzo and Chayoung to live, they pretty much get lucky with Hanseo running out of bullets. If it is to show that he had changed, and that this tied into some greater theme of redemption, then his death really isn’t really given enough thought for it to resonate well. I would’ve loved to see Vincenzo reflecting on Hanseo learning to trust and love again, despite all the mistakes he made in the past, and how that influences his own decision to embrace his version of villainous justice. But no. This is something I only thought of after reading a few Vincenzo posts and trying to justify my own moral for the show.

Don’t forget that Chulwook almost dies too. Like I genuinely believed he was dead, shed a tear for the daughter he would never meet, and then the show went like, “Guess what? Psyche!”

I’m not very fond of that injury/pseud-death-but-not-really.

And now we have Chayoung, the person who Vincenzo is the closest to. Don’t get me wrong, I amso weak for her never giving into Hanseo and asking for death over Vinceno getting hurt, for guarding Vincenzo from the bullet, for Vincenzo’s shocked and empty eyes, for Chayoung’s glazed gaze, for him desperately and powerlessly hugging her tightly because that’s all he can do for her now. Afterwards, she’s in the hospital, her shoulder is recuperating, and there’s a nice Chayenzo parallel to episode 4 when Chayoung was waiting by Vinny’s hospital bed. But afterwards afterwards? She’s just in the hospital. Sidelined from the climax.

Vincenzo told her, “I will finish this, for you.” That could’ve worked, because we could’ve seen Chayoung emotionally or spiritually with us during the climax and Myunghee and Hanseo’s deaths. But like I mentioned earlier, it really didn’t feel that way. Ultimately, the narrative tells us that Chayoung’s injury just means she can’t strain herself for a couple of days, despite initially delivering it so dramatically and emotionally.

As one of my friends said while we were discussing this episode: Vincenzo is the titular character, but Chayoung has so much to care for too. Her father died because of Babel, and she said, “We should share the danger.” Instead, we got a decentish-but-slightly-underwhelming scene where she is driven to see Vincenzo off. Okay then.

Characters

Speaking of, Chayoung receives much of the short-end of the character development stick in the last 4 episodes. I found this to be acceptable in episodes 17-18, and she does have that moment where she looked uncertain and nauseated at the death of the “hunting dogs” before shoving down her misgivings, clinging onto a facade of strength as she says “this is what I wanted.” Also, even though it wasn’t episode 14, I wasn’t complaining about the Chayenzo moments either.

But still, this is the second most important protagonist in the narrative and nothing about her really changes in these last few episodes. Nor does she experience catharsis alongside Vincenzo, emotionally or otherwise. There had been some buildup about whether or not Chayoung can swallow the cruel path that she has chosen, but if she’s not even the given the chance to make her own decision on said cruel path, that’s just wasted set up.

(I know that during the Babel Tower party-fiasco Vincenzo told Chayoung that he originally wanted her to push the button that’ll kill one of the hunting dogs, but then decided against it upon seeing Chayoung’s wavering face, but like. Narratively, if she was the one to press it, and then we had some follow-up character arc about her coming to terms with her decision... Oh, we could’ve had it all.)

Another thing I want to point out is that Chayoung has been a foil to Vincenzo in that she represents the happiness, love, and innocence now unattainable to him. (This is just his view, by the way, since Chayoung isn’t exactly innocent herself, which he could’ve seen if the show had only taken this direction.) That is to say, Vinceno’s most interesting character moments are drawn out of him by Chayoung: In his apartment, when they are under the ceiling-stars, and she asks him whether he has ever killed anyone. On the rooftop, when they decide that Hanseok must lose everything before he dies, and he promises to her that he’ll stay in Korea to see things through to the end, in direct contrast to himself at the beginning of the show. In the highway pass, when she embraces him after a gunfight, the closest he’s ever grazed past death. When they drink makgeolli together and he tells her about what her father wanted to say to her. When they sit together by the riverside and she tells him that his mother would have been proud of him.

One of my favorite parts of episodes 11-12 during the gun fight is just how emotionally present Chayoung is, despite not wielding a gun herself, or even being anywhere near the action. I’m not sure if I’m getting this right, but I think this is the first time Vincenzo had killed people on screen, so to see Chayoung embrace him so tearfully afterwards almost felt like he was being reminded of his humanity. And this also shows that Chayoung, despite saying that she would feel distant towards Vincenzo if he did have blood on his hands, loves him closely, so closely it hurts.

We think about Vincenzo, what it means to be a consigliere, and his distorted flashbacks of flesh and blood and killing and losing himself, and that teddy bear, slowly panning out to a child, staring at him in fear. We think about how is it possible for him to love again? Can he even know what love is?

Then Chayoung appears, a woman whose very presence unraveled the mystery that is Vincenzo. But the moment that Chayoung’s development was stunted, that was the moment Vincenzo lost his foil, and we, the audience, lost the ability to see how his past, present, and future reconcile.

Themes: Loving in Sin

In episode 20, Vincenzo and the monks have a conversation about whether he was worthy of love or not before being told that he was Vaisravana — and though he could never be accepted by Buddha, he would be appreciated at times, and he would have his own role to play too. I like this conversation a lot in concept. In execution, it would’ve left much weightier an impact if only we had seen Vincenzo’s journey to reconcile his villainy and humanity play out more, if we had a glimpse into the moral conflict warring in his mind. The last time the drama showed that to us — not told it to us — was with the death of Vincenzo’s mother.

I would add more, really, but I feel like my review up until here says everything I want it to. In my opinion, there was no real epiphany that Vincenzo reached upon hearing those words from the monk because he hadn’t reflected on it enough for there to properly be one. And the ending to Vincenzo and Chayoung’s romance would’ve felt a lot better if it was Vincenzo choosing to love her despite his fear of himself, despite his belief that he could only hurt people. (Also that ending monologue wouldn’t have felt so tacked-on, like, oh wait this is supposed to have a theme right? Here, this is vaguely related, right?)

Because a lot of this emotional potential was not quite met, I think the finale also had to resort to some cheaper ways to make us feel for the romance, such as Chayoung rushing to see Vincenzo off and Vincenzo leaving the diplomacy-relations party early (he very poetically disappears while walking behind this sculpture, but I thought it was hilarious that if the shot didn’t get cut off there in another 2 seconds we could’ve seen him walking out of where that sculpture thing blocked him lol).

Overall though, I’m pretty happy with the romance’s ending, at least conceptually. The way they incorporated the story of cow herder and weaver girl and the bridge of pigeons (not magpies!) that will allow them to see each other again every year was so bittersweet, and as someone familiar with this myth, it made me very nostalgic. Also, I do think it works better with Vincenzo’s themes that he would be apart from Chayoung in some way. They each have their own lives to lead, but although they met by coincidence, they’ll remain by each other’s sides by intention. He is a villain, and so is she, but villains love tenaciously.

[torchwood-99]

Gwen Forgets Rhys, Rhys Hates Gwen

So how Gwen cracks under Torchwood, the ways that pressure highlights her flaws, has been pretty well explored. In terms of her relationship with Rhys, I think Gwen shows a thoughtlessness towards Rhys. She gets carried away in the drama and excitement of Torchwood, she prioritises her work (which is arguably fair, as it concerns saving lives) but also her need for comfort and adrenaline and gratification which she doesn’t always get from Rhys (see her affair with Owen). This means that in getting so carried with Torchwood and everything it is doing with her, Gwen forgets Rhys and overlooks him.

With Rhys it’s different. He also has his flaws as a person drawn out by Torchwood, but instead of getting distracted by Torchwood, neglecting Gwen or forgetting her, it’s the opposite. Rhys is only brought into Torchwood through Gwen, therefore his attention isn’t split between Torchwood and Gwen. His priority is solely Gwen. So when Rhys starts to struggle under the weight of Torchwood, he doesn’t become thoughtless like Gwen does.

Rhys can become mean. 

Because Rhys is a great husband and boyfriend and stays with Gwen through a lot hurt and danger, it can be forgotten that he isn’t a 2D perfect boyfriend/husband who is constantly understanding and forgiving. Rhys has an explosive temper and he directs that at Gwen. 

Look at him in Adrift, crouching down and getting right into Gwen’s personal space, telling her that if she’s got a problem at work she should leave it at work, that she’s forgetting what matters about normal life as though she isn’t sacrificing a normal life so she can protect others and allow them to enjoy what she is missing out on. Telling her outright that he ‘really hates her sometimes’.

Gwen, for all her failures, has never told Rhys she hated him. She has never been mean like he was in that moment. She hasn’t said something to him with the intent to hurt him as much as Rhys did in that moment. 

At their worst, Gwen forgets Rhys, while Rhys hates Gwen. And this makes a lot of sense. Gwen’s attention are divided between her obligations to Rhys, and her obligations to Torchwood. Rhys meanwhile is entirely focussed on Gwen, so when Gwen doesn’t reciprocate, his response is of frustration and resentment, 

This is really highlighted in a moment, in Adam, where whilst dealing with Gwen having forgotten him and their life together, his best friend and the woman he adores more than life, Rhys gets a little spiteful and says ‘you’re not the only one whose lost something’. Something about his manner there indicates to me that Rhys wants Gwen to feel guilty for not considering his feelings, when here Gwen has a fair reason to be pretty preoccupied with her own worries. 

So Torchwood distracts Gwen, Rhys is overlooked, and Rhys resents Gwen. 

There is also a moment in Miracle Day, where Rhys quite firmly tells Gwen not to talk about her happier memories of Torchwood to Anwen. Of the wonderful things she saw, of this amazing time in her life where she worked with people she loved like a family. He told her quite firmly that her ‘life was a nightmare’ not allowing any mention of important and precious that time was for her. Because he knows that Gwen still misses those days and will jump back in head first given the opportunity, dragging him and their baby and herself back into terrible danger. (Baring in mind, in a fairly short amount of time Rhys saw all of Gwen’s mortal teammates killed, dying at a young age.)

So Rhys is terrified, but that terror partially comes out in Rhys stifling Gwen and shouting and snapping when she tries to process those happier memories, tries to celebrate the good times instead of just dwelling on the past. 

Rhys is so much more interesting that the ‘poor put upon husband’. Like every other member of Torchwood, he’s got his faults and flaws and the stresses of Torchwood does a lot to bring them out. He is the ‘nice, normal bloke’ of the series, used as a foil to the more glamorous teammates. But one of Torchwood’s strengths is how well it writes people, as flawed and complex and fascinating, and Rhys is very much the same. 

Rhys and Gwen have a great relationship. Filled with love and support and genuine pleasure and happiness in each other’s company. Not because they are perfect, but because they work through their imperfectionsmea and build something together worth fighting for. Most of all, they are friends. They like being together, they have fun and have their jokes and they have an easy chemistry. 

Torchwood never shies away from how flawed and cruel humanity can be, and yet it isn't nihilistic because it doesn’t define people by their flaws and how they get it wrong. Instead it acknowledges these flaws, while at the same time still insiting that they can still be happy and still be good and still be worthy of love and friendship. And Gwen and Rhys really are such a great example of that. 

[writefightandflightclub]

Indivisible: Part Two

Poe Dameron x reader? Finn x reader? Finn x Poe?

Summary: Finn is your wonderful boyfriend, and Poe is your wonderful best friend. But when Poe begins to look at you differently, you wonder if there’s another way to arrange the pieces of your heart to make it whole.

Part one: here

Author’s note: Not a very eventful instalment (should I be selling this more? Lol), but laying groundwork for part 3 + 4 :-) We’ve had Poe’s POV, now we get Reader’s. I’m sorry for how much I call Poe an idiot. You know I freaking love that daft man.

Word count: 1.4k ish

Warnings: suggestive themes but nothing explicit. Mild language.

Poe Dameron is an idiot.

Clearly.

Yes, he’s a smart man, intelligent in a range of ways. But, damn it. You are adamant that he’s also an idiot.

Poe has been your best friend for years. He’s had every opportunity to fall for you. But it was only when you started dating Finn that he began looking at you like that.

Like he could eat you for breakfast.

Idiot.

You’ve always had the hots for him to some extent. It’s not hard to piece together that Poe has all the potential makings of an excellent lover. He’s quite obviously gorgeous, but aside from his looks he possesses just about every desirable quality going. He’s trustworthy, communicative, selfless, passionate, stubborn (that can have its advantages), cheeky, warm, tactile... the list goes on and on. You imagine Poe is the type to go all in. To make love with his whole body and soul. There’s zero doubt in your mind that he would make for a very gratifying bang. And, now that his ravenous glances are getting you similarly riled up, you admit that you would be thoroughly unopposed if he did want to eat you for breakfast.

Isn’t timing a bitch?

Undeniably, you’ve always had a... connection with Poe. If he’d made a move in those early days -even the hint of a move- you would have jumped him in an instant. But the more time that elapsed, the stronger and deeper your friendship became. You simply didn’t see any reason to compromise that for a short-term hit of gratification. Besides, the more time that elapsed, the more certain you’d become that Poe’s feelings for you ended where they began; strictly at friendship.

There had been no hints he may have felt anything non-platonic. No declarations in dying starships, or on failing missions. There was flirting, sure, on occassion. There were lingering hugs. There were occassional propositions, assumed to be in jest. But there was nothing like this. Nothing like his eyes raking over you, hungry. Nothing like the soft glow, eyes backlit by lust.

You had tried to rationalise. Told yourself that, maybe, it was simply a projection. Maybe Poe saw you and Finn together, and wanted something similar for himself. Maybe because you were so close already, it was easy, convenient, to project those feelings on to an old friend. You had tried to rationalise it, but the more time that passed, the more sure you were that this was less of a general desire for some company, and more of a specific kind of longing. A longing for you.

It bothered you that you wanted Poe back. You were with Finn, and you cared for him deeply. The possibility of subtracting Finn from this equation could not enter your mind. So, you must be an idiot too. Because you’d had every opportunity to fall for Poe, and yet, all at once here you were, plummeting. Your timing sucked. 

Recently, you’d taken to doing a little experimenting. Sometimes, when you were showing Finn some affection, publically- a stolen kiss in the canteen or out on base- you’d caught Poe watching. Not in a pervy way. Just... interested. And so -as you did following that heated kiss on the tarmac this morning- you’d begun taking note of Poe’s reactions. You didn’t feel good about this, but there was something in you which enjoyed getting him all... flustered. All hot and bothered.

Apparently, getting him flustered was becoming increasingly easy. Of late, the more you and Poe touched in those innocent, habitual ways engrained through years of friendship - a hug or a kiss on the cheek or straightening up of a flight suit- you became sure there was just something there that wasn’t there before. Or maybe, you were both simply realising something that had been there all along.

You knew you would have to... do something about this. And soon. The thought continually niggled at you, because you didn’t know quite what to do.

For now, though, you both traipse toward the hangar, your arm slung around Poe and his soft, weathered flight suit. You release him with a “go get ‘em” pat to his back as he marches up to the unofficial podium in the hangar, climbing atop the crate to deliver a rousing morning briefing to the pilots and recent recruits.

Your eyes shine softly as you listen to him. You know more than most about his sleepless nights and crises of confidence behind the scenes, but Poe always delivers, in the end. You don’t know how many times you’ve seen him deliver his briefings now- hundreds, at least. But there’s something about him stood there today, specifically, which highlights how alone he is. In this fight. In his position. And now it breaks you that he might feel alone because of you too. Alone because of your togetherness with Finn. You’ve spent so little time with him lately, and suddenly... you miss him. You miss him terribly.

You have to duck out for a second, filtering off behind an X-wing and leaning your forearms up against its body, in complete shock as tears leak out of you like water from a blaster-ridden tank. You feel wounded. Caught off-guard. You pull yourself together quickly, but not before BB-8 rounds the ship to find out what you’re up to. In haste, you mash your tears away with the heel of your hand and scurry from your position, dropping a warning through your teeth to the sweet droid as you rejoin the briefing. “Don’t you tell anyone I cried, you hear?”

Poor Bb-8 isn’t having much luck today, is he?

Sucking in a breath, you watch Poe’s continued briefing, as he delivers orders and takes questions from the recruits. He’s assured, smooth, competent, and patient. Very much in his element. Perhaps that’s the only reason you notice the subtle shift in his mood so markedly when Finn jogs -majestically, you might add- into the hangar, apologising to Poe for the interruption with a soft, charming smile and wave, and passing you the datapad you’d mistakenly left behind with him. Finn is a little obsessed with everyone knowing you’re his squeeze at the moment, and you can’t say you mind all that much, so you accept the bonus delivery of a gentle, chaste kiss to your lips too.

In fact, you thirst at the mere sight of your boyfriend. Finn has clearly been helping Rey to shift some crates into the Falcon -or something- under the hot sun, as he’s stripped down to his undershirt, his rich brown skin gently gleaming all over with sweat, muscled arms on full display. He smiles sweetly at you as he sweeps back out, sneaking a squeeze of your butt, a gentle heat in his eyes making the memory of the morning’s exploits curl in the pit of you.

As Finn recedes from your view, it is then that you notice Poe’s faltering coolness, his diverted attention. “Ohhhh boyyy.”, you breathe quietly as Poe’s eyes bashfully follow Finn’s form out of the hangar. No-one else would necessarily pick-up on the subtle signs of him being... flustered, but you do. You do. That little bob in his throat, that tug on his collar. His teeth clamping down on his bottom-lip, just for a fleeting moment. A subtle wipe of sweaty palms on the thighs of his flight suit. Your jaw goes slack in realisation.

You don’t blame him- Finn is a whole ass snack. Your sweet, brave, thoughtful man is the full package. But you simply can’t believe you didn’t see it before now. Something that has been there all along. Suddenly so many prior moments make a lot more sense. That kriffing leather jacket makes sense, for one. 

“Kriffin’ blaster brain!”, you exclaim, chiding yourself, realisation bursting out of you as you exorcise this gaping blind spot from your vision.

There is a murmur in the crowd and creaking of flight boots as Poe pauses his rousing speech and everyone else turns to you.

Poe just stands on his podium, looking at you with gentle amusement.

“Y’ quite alright?” Poe enquires pointedly.

“Can I backpedal on that outburst, Commander?”, you ask bashfully, and Poe’s eyes crease at the corners before he continues on seamlessly.

You half-listen, still floored by this revelation. But, it doesn’t have you feeling... jealous. Not at all. You’re not even... surprised, not really. In fact, your heart is racing with... excitement. A kind of joy. Like, maybe, this situation could make sense after all. Like all the pieces could fit together. Like Poe doesn’t have to be alone.

Maybe the timing wasn’t a bitch, after all. Maybe it was perfect.

Poe wraps the briefing up with a flourish, everyone siphoning off to perform their duties. The Commander is about to pass by you with no more than a wink and a firm squeeze of your shoulder, but you grab him and wheel him around into you.

“Got a sec?”, you say, trying to keep your voice level. His pretty eyes flick up at you from beneath those long lashes and fall on you, warm and attentive. 

You can feel an involuntary, soft glow bloom behind your own eyes as you clamp your hands on his shoulders, and Poe shifts uneasily from foot to foot under your continued scrutiny. “Poe Dameron.”, you say, voice laden with fondness. “I haven’t seen you a whole lot, lately, have I?”

He places his hands on his pleasingly wide hips and shrugs. “Guess not.”

Your eyes twinkle with mischief. “Do you wanna come over and watch a few holomovies with Finn and me tonight?”

He laughs sceptically through his teeth, looking down at his boot as it scuffs along the hangar floor. “I don’t wanna cramp your style.” he says shyly. Poe, being shy? Entirely new, and entirely adorable, by the way.

“Don’t worry, we won’t be all couple-y, if that’s what’s stopping you. We’ll do everything possible to include you. You can even sit right in-between us to make sure.”. Ok, now maybe you’re saying things outright to make him squirm.

BB-8 seems in on your joke too, even if he doesn’t fully understand the situation. His beeps are basically cackles of laughter as he responds.

You heads flip down towards him with a conspiratorial grin. “Yeah, Beebs. Like a sandwich, I guess.”

Poe’s skin darkens a few shades in a flush of embarrassment, and your heart almost bursts with how endearing he is. You decide you are kind enough to give him a little respite from the onslaught of contrived tension. 

“Poe.”, you insist softly, squeezing his shoulders tightly. “I’ve missed you. I really wanna spend some time together, the three of us.” You clasp your palms together in front of your face and plead, with your best attempt at puppy dog eyes.

Poe’s face becomes pinched and he replies with an eventual, concessionary smile. “Sure. Sounds fun”. You can tell his words and his smile are strained, his soft smile not reaching all the way to his eyes. He’s probably less than thrilled at the prospect of being, quite literally, caught in the middle of yours and Finn’s togetherness.

You beam in response anyway, dragging him into a surrounding hug. But you make sure to squeeze him extra tight. For just a little longer than usual. As you both settle in to the embrace you feel like he becomes as reticent to let go as you are.

You smile softly to yourself as he eventually extracts himself, clearing his throat emphatically and seeming in a hurry to get away, his expression a little sad. His manner a little ruffled. You watch him go with fondness, but a little hurt constricting in your chest too.

You look down at your feet and realise Bb-8 still remains there, looking up at you expectantly. You fold your arms and lean in, curiously. “Has he said anything about Finn or me, lately, Beebs? Anything unusual?”

Bb-8 whirls his head around in panic and zooms immediately away across the hangar, practically approaching light-speed as he beeps that he really isn’t supposed to say. It seems like the droid has a few too many secrets lately. You feel apprehensive but excited at the prospect of getting things out in the open.

You’ll have to figure out if Finn is on board with your plan, of course, but somehow, you have a good feeling about this already.  

You continue to watch in amusement as the droid whirrs speedily over to Poe where he’s readying his X-Wing. Bb-8 bumps into Poe’s leg with little enough warning and enough momentum that Poe trips backwards over his little buddy, his beautiful butt landing harshly on the concrete.

Idiot.

But a cute idiot.

You quickly make yourself scarce as he clambers up from the floor, stifling a good-natured laugh into the palm of your hand. You think you’ve embarrassed Poe enough for one morning, so you allow him to think nobody else saw as he gets up and dusts himself off.

As you heave yourself up the ladder into your cockpit, grabbing your helmet and strapping in, you feel strangely like everything is finally coming together. Pieces falling into place. Still, you wish that Poe didn’t have to feel sad or alone for a moment longer.

Your heart swells though, as your comms eventually crackle to life and you hear the smile infusing Poe’s warm voice, wrapped in a blanket of static: “If you reroute your squad through Naridat you could pick-up some popcorn on the layover.”

Your eyes flick over to his X-Wing and you find Poe throwing a sidelong grin at you from his cockpit. You smile back. “Moonshine, you smart, smart man.” You do some quick calculations in your head, which Poe has no doubt already covered. That route happens to use less fuel too. “Happy Resistance, happy movie night. You genius.”

“You’re welcome, Sunshine.”

You continue your chat as you gear up the crafts, well-practiced fingers flipping over the controls. “Any chance you can abuse your Commander privileges to get us our usual room?”

“If you promise not to terrify the new recruits again I’ll see what I can do.”

“I made them cry two times, Dameron.”

His warm laugh lilts into your ears. “They’re kriffin’ terrified of you. You might wanna dial it down a notch?”

“I’m actually the sweetest stone-cold bitch they’ll ever meet.”

“Oh, I know you are, sweetheart. Fly safe. I love ya.”

Those last words are said before every flight. Habitual and engrained after years of friendship. But they suddenly hit softer than usual. At the same time, heavier, curling into your chest with a new weight.

Now you are the one who is thoroughly flustered. Still, you manage to respond. “Fly safe, Poe. Love ya.”

As you taxi your ship onto the runway, your squad picking-up formation at your rear, you suddenly feel more than a little nervous about movie night.

Permanent tag-list:

@adventurous-nerd, @starryeyedstories @wheresthewater, @tonightletspretend, @gooddaykate, @mrscrain-x7, @iamthe-shadow-on-the-wall, @mndalorians, @multifandomlife22, @theindiealto, @maximoffzinha, @darksideofclarke, @gottenintomybloodstream, @hkmultifandom. @spider-starry, @loxxiepenguins, @itsamedeemoney, @yougottakeeponkeepinon, @thottiewinemom, @taina-eny, @arkofblake, @holybatflapexpert, @khood84, @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol, @gennyanydots, @shakespeareanwannabe, @fanfiction-trashpile, @hollymac79, @brooklynsblurbs, @tammythompson-singslikea-muppet, @takenbymyfandoms, @galacticnerd-78, @starwarswh0re, @imaginecrushes, @twomoonstwosuns, @leahsafae, @thirsty-flygirl, @woakiees, @himbopoes, @damnyoudameron, @galaxy-of-stories, @bluengreyfox, @thescarletknight2014, @pandora-evermore, @el-lizzie @atletino @mylifeliterally @starlightstories

[gurenscumrag]

Summary: Chrollo just wants to be heard.

Word Count: 1,044.

Lend Me Your Ear. (Chrollo Fluff and slight smut)

(Y/N) stood outside the door leading into her boss’ office and living space, her heart pounding and her hands slightly trembling as she reached up to rasp three times firmly. She waited patiently until she heard the soft ‘come in’. Gripping the doorknob tightly, she opened the door and stepped inside the threshold of the office. Office was a loose term for the dividing room within the Phantom Troupe hideout, but nonetheless, they treated it as Chrollo’s sanctuary.

“You asked to see me, boss?” (Y/N) mumbled in a weary but firm tone. Chrollo raised his eyes just slightly up from his nen book, his dark smoldering eyes gazing into (Y/N)’s soul while his fingertips danced along the edge of the book mindlessly. “(Y/N), you came. I’m quite pleased that you did.” Shutting his book and allowing it to disappear, Chrollo leaned himself back in the chair. His eyes now scanning over (Y/N) with a slight bemused, but all the more mysterious look. “Could I lend your ear for a little?”

“O-Of course,” She stuttered slightly out of pure confusion, shifting her weight and frowning, “What can I help you with, boss?”

“First, you can start by not looking like such a scared puppy. Come, sit next to me,” (Y/N) nodded her head, walking over to plop herself down in front of the Troupe’s leader, “I’ve always found the limits of human endurance to be fascinating. It can all vary from situation to situation. How does it continue to persist? Under what conditions? And who do we use it for to protect.” The man of such few, but many words took a small pause, slipping his eyes shut and just barely grinning.

“I’m struggling to find the common factors, hell, I’m even struggling to find the reason behind it all. It is all so… complex. But you, you always seem to do so well. You always persist during a job, I never see you complain, struggle, or give in. It’s intoxicating. I must know what is driving this, is it happiness? People always talk of happiness as though it is some kind of magic, but surely it’s just chemicals. (Y/N), tell me, are you happy fighting by my side?”

(Y/N) sat silent for a moment, her brows screwing up just barely, but her body was all the way rigid. Happy? Was she happy? And if she was, was she happy fighting along her comrades, or along Chrollo. Did the leader mean more to her than simply her superior? Did she love him? Was fighting for the person you loved a greater strength than for change or money? Did she even love Chrollo? Would she continue to love him? Could she love him? Could she—

“Boss, I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“No… I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t know how to word it. When I’m with you, I feel I can do anything. I feel invincible, I feel euphoric. Fighting with you… It feels… No. It is orgasmic. Fighting with you, dying by you, dying with you, facing the world together, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. It’s all I’ve ever craved, boss. All I want is to continue to serve you. To be by your side. To face the world with you however you see fit.”

With her cheeks flushed a bright red, (Y/N) gazed confidently towards Chrollo. While embarrassing as her confession could be, she stood firmly by them, determined to allow her boss to see the dedication that flowed through her veins. That gave her very life its meaning.

“Then it’s love, not happiness.” He muttered in pure awe, his head cocking to the side. His long black hair just barely brushing the middle of his cheeks. Slowly he reached out to trailed a finger along her soft cheek, dragging downwards to trail her jawline. “You are so fascinating, and yet, you’re all mine as well, (Y/N). I own you, you bare my mark on your chest, isn’t that right?”

Chrollo’s fingers continued their descent downwards, running first along the soft flesh of her throat down to her collarbone and finally settling on her cleavage. “Show me my mark.” He commanded, his eyes focused intently on the small amount of the spider legs flush on the curve of her breast. (Y/N) reached down to grab the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head in a quick, fluid motion and casting it aside.

“Is this enough, boss?”

“It’s Chrollo,” He grumbled huskily, shaking his head no in response, “Take it all off.”

“Yes, sir.”

With shaky hands, she undid the latch on her bra. Sliding the straps down and casting away the simple piece of clothing. Now her entire front was bare for him to see. Chrollo leaned back for a moment to admire his handiwork. The legs curled and stretched along the shape of her breast, the body of the spider sitting happily between both mounds and just barely licking her stomach with its design. He reached out, strong, calloused hands gripping her stomach and pulling her closer, “Amazing.”

With that short, simple word his lips began their attack. Kissing along the dip of her collarbone she felt a soft nip tease her skin experimentally. When (Y/N) didn’t whimper the bite became stronger causing the groan stuck in her throat to emerge. Chrollo’s tongue quickly soothed over the aching pain, the wet muscle kneading expertly at her skin, her body feeling the gratifications of pain mixed with pleasure. Chrollo continued his exploration, kissing and biting at her flesh in any way he pleased. Hard, soft, hungry, lovingly, he bit it all until he reached the peak of her nipple. Closing his mouth against the bud, he licked long, wet stripes along the nub until it hardened in his mouth. Now it was his teeth’s turn. His teeth closed around her nipple, teasingly applying pressure and then backing away when the girl in his arms and mouth gave breathy groans of pure need and pleasure.

With a wet pop, he finally pulled away from her abused, aching nipple. His own mouth slightly reddened from their adventure, “Tell me who owns you.”

“You own me, Chrollo Lucilfer.”

[lifewithchronicpain-original]

Oscar Mayer, a hotdog brand popular in America that loves driving a weinermobile around the US. I’m not making this up. Anyway, they think it’s a Great idea if we all take our grills to the front of the house and all barbecue in one county wide block party on May, 2nd, with social distancing or course.

Okay this company is trying to save the summer barbecue season, which I think will do fine when we have our reprieve before the flu season. They are also planning to make huge donations to food banks as part of this promotion.

I can’t complain with them trying to save employee pay check and donating to food banks. But take your grills out front? You really think people are going to keep their distance if the whole country throws a block party on May 2nd. They could have come up with something else, this feels so fucking irresponsible and I may have to preemptively make May 2nd a stay in day, not even walk the dog.

I’d Loove to have a block party right now. I hope the one we usually have in September won’t be canceled. But right now I’m terrified of dying because of my asthma and underlying health problems. As much as I would love to party, or even just see my sweet little nephew, I also don’t to die because of other people’s recklessness and never see him grow up.

It’s hard to push away short term gratification for long term goals, but we absolutely must stay the course. Otherwise the societal message is disabled and elderly people don’t fucking matter, certainly not when these people have social engagements and waves on the beach to catch! People will clearly die but how silly of me to think my life might matter a little more than momentary fun.

[4pz]

((personal update))

most won’t read till the end and i don’t blame you. you’ve been programmed not to. summary, i’ve been taking a dopamine detox. here’s why.

before i put this out there, i’d like to say i am human just like you. these thoughts stem from observing majority but not everyone. i’ve been guilty of all these doings at a point in time and most likely will be in the future. no human is perfect. this is just my way of adding some perspective to our imperfections..

so i know i’ve been publicly quiet for a few years now. this is because of personal events as well as gradually becoming more uncomfortable with the behavior we’re allowing as a society.

in my opinion, we are subconsciously controlling each other. we are addicted to short term dopamine infused feedback loops.. as humans its in our nature to want people to like us. gratification from others is the strongest drug there is. but think about how dangerous it can get when there’s several platforms with millions of constantly active users that could instantly feed you with a like, love or thumbs up etc. not just one person in front of you saying they like you but potentially millions of people saying they like you. i imagine that would leave your subconscious thinking, what do i need to do next for more people to like me? that thought is the first sign of you being controlled.

not only are we competing with each other for validation, but the demand for content vs appreciation scale is far out of balance. what happens when you take an impatient market combined with a fixation of dopamine infused approval, you get more product with less substance.. in a world where all media and information is available at a touch of a button/screen, this naturally makes us more and more impatient. therefore, when it comes to “content”, we’re empowering quantity over quality. gradually decreasing what humans accept daily while over saturating all markets. this can be dangerous.

i thought deeper into why we allow this. what i call the more of less theory. simply put, there’s only so many ways of doing something, while there are countless amounts of people trying to do the same things. that’s why nothing is truly original. everything is a newer rendition (hopefully improvement) of an already existing idea. this literally applies to everything.

as innovation is dying and copying is thriving, i’ve become even more lost in my search for “truth”. i started to realize that there honestly is no truth when it comes to the correct way to live. it really comes down to all power remaining in the eye of the beholder.. to get more honest, most are just chasing quick gains rather then long term change. this goes back to blaming our vastly growing impatience. not to mention the easier route will always appear more appealing then the harder route. which now brings me to my concerns with social media.

insta(nt gratification from strangers) isn’t entirely healthy, for me at least. read that both ways.. not only do we value outside opinions more then we should, we start to lose who we really are at the expense of others approval. the longer we spend scrolling the easier we are influenced. the more we see how “influential” beings are living, the more we naturally become envious of that lifestyle. slowly we start attempting to become more and more like the figures we look up to until we don’t even know who we really are.. now a’days it seems like most don’t even know how to form an opinion without first checking what everyone else thinks.

social media is one out of many forms of dopamine that we rely on to get through the day. we create false realities to distract us further and longer from our actual realities. we share the best and hide the rest. we thrive off of the approval from others to reassure us from our own insecurities. we tear each other down at times to feel some sense of control. we watch self improvement videos rather then actually implementing them in our lives. we distort our perception of others based on their online identity. we base our own worth on our social identity, status, and class rather then our actual character and values. we constantly spread biased misinformation, since everyone has the ability to voice any opinion they please, which leads to mass propaganda and solidifies the expiration of truth. we justify unproductive behavior and lie to ourselves over and over until we are eventually fine with it..

now i’m not saying all dopamine is bad all the time. we need some form of reward when we do something good. i’m just saying it seems most need a significant amount of dopamine in a short timespan to feel okay. this can be dangerous.

in my short 22 years, i’ve spent countless nights overthinking and analyzing the complex world i was put in. very confused on determining what’s actually right from wrong since we’re all born the same way but live drastically different lifestyles. one person could be completely supportive of something while another being completely against it. so far the 2 best overall attributes i’ve found to guide my compass is perspective and balance.

so, why update us after so long of silence just to be more silent? well because i felt the need. a personal update seemed appropriate in this interesting time we’re all experiencing. if i help give one person just a little perspective and awareness leading to a little more balance n possibly some happiness, then i feel i’ve done my part.. please may we all unify and do our part to promote love and equality! we have the power, we are the future and i will forever remain obediently yours.

coming full circle, i would have never made any social accounts had i not pursued a career as an artist. i have a lot of unreleased music, ideas and poetry created. still currently creating.. making impactful art that no one else understands fills me with joy and purpose. wether thousands of people experience it or i continue to keep it to myself, either way it has always been therapeutic to create and revise. i may release content again to the public if i feel compelled to. could be in a few months, could be a few years or could be never. whatever it is, i’d like to thank anyone who’s ever given me any time of day, in any sort of way. i love you, all of you..

i’d also like to apologize to the ones i didn’t treat properly in the past while growing up and losing myself as a person. with how complex life can be, at times you may find yourself caught up in things that don’t really matter. i have spent a good amount of time recognizing my mistakes, accepting them and learning from them to better myself everyday going forward. i hope you understand and one day grow to forgive me if possible.

lastly, i value your time and hope you do as well. that’s kind of why i wrote all of this. if you’ve made it this far, you’re special. you’re interested in programming your life to be a little different. a little better. after this, will you continue scrolling or start a new journey? most people say just do what makes you happy. if scrolling makes you happy, who am i to stop you? i’m just another human on my pursuit of happiness. X staY up -Z

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Spider-Man: Carnage in New York Thoughts

I’d actually recommend checking this out!

 I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect out of this novel. Carnage is such a simplistic character that a whole novel about him as the main antagonist was something I wasn’t sure could work. And yet for the most part it did.

 Because this a story most people aren’t going to have easy access to I’m copying in the plot synopsis as provided by the marvel.wiki:

  Dr. Eric Catrall flees carrying a briefcase containing a vial of "trigger" serum - a chemical compound that induces violent insanity in anyone exposed to even trace amounts. Pursued by a pair of FBI agents, he's cornered in an alley but is rescued by Spider-Man - who had been on his way home from attempting to spy on a local mobster.

Spider-Man returns home to his wife, Mary Jane, and tells her about his altercation with the feds. Their conversation is interrupted by the arrival of Aunt May, who tells Peter that she is three months behind on her payments for her house and that unless she makes the payment the following day it will be repossessed. Despite himself and MJ not being financially well-off themselves, Peter promises to help May any way he can, and agrees to accompany her to the bank.

At the supervillain prison known as the Vault, rookie Guardsman Craig Lynch taunts Cletus Kasady. The serial killer responds by unleashing his symbiote and transforming into Carnage, terrifying Lynch.

Going to the Daily Bugle Building to investigate Catrall the following day, Peter listens to J. Jonah Jameson and Robbie Robertson discuss the Bugle financing the "Feed 'Em All" event - an initiative to feed the homeless - about to take place in Central Park. On his way out, Ben Urich informs him that Cletus Kasady is being brought back to New York, where an experiment is going to be performed to separate him from his symbiote and kill it.

At a diner, Eric Catrall orders breakfast and overhears the news regarding Carnage, realizing the experiment could potentially render the trigger serum inert. He is cornered by the two FBI agents, but the owner of the diner confronts them with a shotgun and lets Eric flee.

As the Guardsmen fortify a derelict highschool in Brooklyn in order to prepare for the experiment, Spider-Man travels to the school in case Carnage manages to break free, feeling responsible for the monster's very existence due to having brought the Venom symbiote to Earth. As the experiment begins, Eric Catrall infiltrates the building by pretending to be one of the employees and then tosses the briefcase containing the trigger serum into the blast. This shorts out Carnage's containment unit and Spider-Man intervenes and fights Carnage before the Guardsmen open fire with their flamethrowers and sonic cannons. When the smoke clears, Carnage has escaped, and Eric Catrall is gone.

Catrall is eventually found by the police, having been intimidated by Carnage into revealing what the trigger serum is capable of. On the verge of a nervous breakdown, Catrall tells Spider-Man that he'd accidentally invented the trigger serum while working at the Lifestream Technologies tech firm, but after realizing the CIA intended to weaponize it he destroyed his notes and stole the only sample. Tearfully apologizes to Spider-Man, Catrall begs him to stop Carnage. Panicking about Carnage having escaped and being in possession of the trigger serum, Peter almost forgets his promise to help Aunt May, forcing Mary Jane to step in and cover for him. On the day of the Feed 'Em All, Carnage attacks a penthouse party just outside Central Park and slaughters several of the guests, declaring his intent to poison the food being served with the trigger serum. The gory aftermath is caught on one of the cameras filming the event. Seeing Carnage has Catrall's briefcase, Peter sets out to stop him.

Seeing the news coverage, Dr. Catrall - on the verge of a breakdown - attempts to escape police custody to stop Carnage and is fatally shot, dying peacefully as he decides to leave everything to Spider-Man. Spider-Man arrives in time to save one of the party guests from being thrown to his death, mocking Carnage about how poorly thought-out his plan is, since no-one would be stupid enough to eat food he'd openly tampered with. Carnage decides to massacre the assembled people the old fashioned way, attacking Spider-Man; but is defeated when Spider-Man electrocutes him, forcing the symbiote to recede into Cletus' body.

After Cletus is arrested and returned to the Vault, MJ commiserates with Peter over Dr. Catrall's death and Aunt May reveals she traded her wedding ring to pay off her debts. To prevent the trigger serum from falling into the wrong hands again, Spider-Man travels to Four Freedoms Plaza and turns it over to Mister Fantastic, who promises to find a way to safely dispose of it.

  I want to first of all talk about a few of the things that don’t work about this story as there aren’t that many.

The least of these is that Spider-Man’s defeat of Carnage was somewhat underwhelming. In part this is due electrocutions at best slowing Carnage down a bit and nothing more, a fact seen in ASM #363, the culmination of his debut arc.

However more significantly its the fact that, whilst far from a dues ex machina, in a novel surely the resolution to the central conflict should come from an element pre-established earlier in the novel. Sure, access to high dosages of electricity is perfectly plausible in New York city, but it seems something more satisfying as the resolution of a comic book storyline (particularly a done-in-one) as opposed to an entire novel.

A more significant critique pertains to Mary Jane.

MJ in this novel is at an odd crossroads with the writing.

It’s not so much WHAT she does or even how the story utilizes her but rather the presentation of her in the role.

I’ve no problem with MJ and Peter being in love, talking lovingly to one another, having sex or MJ worrying about him.

It’s hard to put into words but...well actually the words are exactly the problem. The prose used to describe MJ, her and Peter’s feelings for one another, her dialogue for me at least went a step too far into overidealization. It went into ‘isn’t it awesome Spider-Man has this sexy, loyal wife whom he has regular sex with’. I mean the last few lines of the novel pretty much leave you off with the fact that Peter got laid. And I use that term particularly. It’s not ‘Peter AND MJ had sex’. It’s ‘Peter got his way’, which sounds inadvertently sinister out of context, but what I mean is that the story places the emphasis upon Peter’s gratification over the fact that he gets to have sex with MJ, rather than being more equitable I guess. I don’t even mean the story was OBLIGED to have such a final line give balance to both characters, just like...more balance maybe.

I dunno, maybe this is just a me problem as I wasn’t fond of the presentation of the romance stuff in the Darkest Hours either.

I guess what I’m after is for them to reign in prose wherein poetic praise it heaped upon MJ, either in her looks or in her personality, in the context of how that makes her such a wonderful wife. Maybe communicate those sentiments but be more subtle and restrained about it. Again, maybe that’s just a me thing and I’m using comic book Spider-Man as too much of a framework for reference.

This isn’t to say Peter Parker’s Perfect Wife is ALL MJ amounts to in this novel. They do give her flaws in regards to feeling bummed about being out of work and have her ultimately resolve the B-plot. She does this by pawning her wedding ring in order to save Aunt May’s house. On the one hand, this does rather play into MJ as the perfect idealized wife, but on the other hand she’d have gone out of her way to help Aunt May regardless.

Speaking of that B-plot, I’ve got some mixed feelings regarding it. In an ongoing kinda sorta soap opera like Spider-Man having subplots ticking along is just fine, and they do not HAVE to reconnect to the main plot necessarily. But I feel in a self-contained novel subplots should either play into the resolution of the main plot or vice versa, or at the very least a character shift should result from one or the other that then plays into the main plot/subplot.

Here though, whilst homelessness is a plot element of the story and Aunt May is literally going to lose her home, it’s presence in the novel serves to at worst pad it out, and at best feels kind of....mandatory.

Like in a Spider-Man novel set in this time period, you’d expect MJ and/or Aunt May to show up and for there to be normal life drama for Peter to deal with alongside his Spidey life, drama that is probably negatively impacted by being Spider-Man.

And if this was like an annual, a one shot, or even a 2-3 part arc of ASM, that’d be fine. Here though in a novel...ehhhhhh...The kindest interpretation is that it exists to give MJ something to do but really the story could’ve been tweaked to give her something else to do (say have May work at the shindig for the homeless people*) or you could’ve omitted MJ and May entirely and supplanted their scenes with more development for Carnage, Peter or Doctor Catrall.

It’s not BAD per se, but it is a weakness. Compare and contrast to the Darkest Hours novel wherein the subplot regarding MJ learning to drive wound up being integral to the defeat of the villains.

Now I do not want to give the impression this novel is bad. It isn’t on balance.

In the grand scheme of things it’s a fun, not too long, Spidey adventure.

I’ll not talk too much regarding the audio nature of this production beyond saying that the narrator of choice was a huge improvement over the narrator of the Darkest Hours and particularly shone in the role of Carnage.

Speaking of Carnage, I spoke up top about how it’d be tricky to make him support a whole novel to himself, even one of this size.

But the story knew what they were dealing with, likely because Carnage’s co-creator David Michelinie provided an outline for the story and thus knew with Carnage less in more.

Indeed there are a grand total of just 4 scenes featuring Carnage at all in the whole novel. His introductory scene, the scene where he escapes, the scene where he ambushes the cocktail party and the final showdown.

It’s nicely succinct. One scene to set him up. One scene to let him out. One scene of him doing what he loves and one scene where he is stopped.

By making the Doctor Catrall storyline in-essence the main story for the first half of the story and then having Carnage basically hijack it thereafter, it allows the novel to organically have a full three act story without overusing Carnage. Catrall’s trigger serum is also a thematically appropriate plot device in a Carnage storyline as it in essence is a shortcut to achieving the world of violent chaos he longs for.

Not only is Carnage used well in the plot but he’s also well characterized. Perhaps due to the narrator’s vocal performance, Carnage genuinely feels scary in this novel, no more so than in his opening scene. Whilst obviously written long before this storyline, it’s reminiscent to me of his presentation in Absolute Carnage, where he is a pure horror monster through and through.

I don’t really have much else to say about this novel.

It’s not got as much meat to it (in any sense) as Darkest Hours did, but that doesn’t make it a bad read.

If you like Carnage and want a nice simple story of him being bad and Spidey stopping him, pick this up.

*I know when this novel was published Aunt May had yet to be associated with FEAST, but the reason everyone loved that direction for her was because it made the utmost sense. Having May work at the shindig would’ve better tied the plotlines together, amped up the personal stakes and spoken to who May as a person is. This is an elderly woman who’s willing to help the homeless even as she herself is at risk of losing her own home.

[dasha-aibo]

how is it making everyones lives worse long term? the ubi isnt such a big impact on resources, not to mention several extensive studies already concluded that ubi doesnt actually discourage people from working and improves working conditions, for obvious reasons. if anything we should be working on making the ubi system run smoother and cutting costs elsewhere. i can not believe you called actual people's lives "short term gratification", people are dying right now, unable to afford treatments

And people are dying in Europe right now, because there are not enough doctors since the pay is not good enough to justify 6 years of med school and because the funding for Healthcare is constantly getting cut.

The state is inefficient by default. It will always be suspectible to corruption, bribery and lobbyism. USSR had so much oil in the 1970s we could buy the whole world and yet everything besides the army was run like shit.

UBI has not been studied long enough to show generational effects, which are a huge factor. Of course hard-working people who are already used to doing 9-5 didn't stop working. But what about people born until the system where their income is assured?

This is already a major problem in Sweden, France and Germany, where young people simply choose to not work or only work minimum wage, leading to a situation where old specialists in crucial positions are either retiring or dying out and there's no one to replace them.

Stop appealing to emotions, it's not a good look.

[rock-and-romanticism]

I ended #2021 and am starting #2022 with #toriamos #albums while writing about #womeninrock. That is something for which I can be grateful. Thank you. Otherwise, I have no particular hopes for the new year. I’m not looking forward to it, and I don’t anticipate much good. What good that does come, I will receive with gratitude, however. Why? This country, the United States, is run by billionaires who don’t care about anything but their own short term profitability and self gratification. Their own limited and stupid narcissism. You have no conception how many problems we’re not solving just because they don’t want to pay taxes. That’s it. That’s all it comes down to. And people like that control media, while and more than half of us are dumb enough to listen to it. The coronavirus is real, masks and vaccinations are good and help, and the 2020 election was not stolen. If you can’t wrap your head around those basic facts, you’re being brainwashed and manipulated by people who are lying to you for their own personal profit. Whatever other political disagreements we may have, none of those claims are in the realm of politics. They are in the realm of fact. If you can’t cope with that, you are so much a puppet on a selfish person’s string that you don’t even see all the ways you’re hurting yourself and your own families. And for the record, Socialism isn’t a threat to the United States. It’s billionaires that are running this country and this world into the ground with your enthusiastic support and consent. That’s not socialism. I’m not saying socialism is either good or bad. It’s just not a threat. It’s a boogeyman to keep you distracted. A real economy is a mix of many different economic systems. It always will be. At the very least, for your own good, accept that the coronavirus is real before you wind up dying in the hospital and maybe taking your family down with you. #toriamos #underthepink #1994 #cd #cdcollection #cdcollector #cdcollectors #cdcollections #music #rock #rockandroll #rocknroll #rockmusic #alternative #alternativerock #rockandromanticism #90s #90smusic #womeninrock #womeninromanticism (at Manatee Cove) https://www.instagram.com/p/CYMWij_OxRQ/?utm_medium=tumblr

[livingcorner]

Annual vs Perennial – What is the Difference? – Garden Design

Supertunia® Royal Velvet® petunia (annual). Photo by: Proven Winners.

You're reading: Annual vs Perennial – What is the Difference? – Garden Design

All flowering plants follow the same basic steps in their life cycle. Annuals complete that cycle in one growing season, whereas perennials live on for three years or longer. But, if you begin studying the labels on your new plant or seed packet purchases, you’ll discover many twists on this basic definition. You’ll come across terms such as “hardy” and “half-hardy” annual, or tender perennial. Plus there’s a third plant category, biennials, that combines some of the characteristics of both plant types.

What is clear when comparing annuals and perennials is that neither is superior to the other. Integrating both types into your garden designs (along with shrubs and trees) gives you the best of both worlds and unlimited options in color, texture, form, and bloom time.

WHAT IS AN ANNUAL?

True annuals are plants that germinate, flower, set seed, and die all in one season. Their ultimate goal is to reproduce themselves (set seed), which is good news for gardeners because most annuals will flower like mad until their mission is accomplished. And, if you use methods such as deadheading to prevent seed formation, many annuals will amp up their flower production and continue to bloom profusely until the first frost arrives. Although you’ll need to replant most annuals the following spring to get a repeat performance, some will readily self-sow and return for an encore, such as sweet alyssum, bachelor’s button, and forget-me-nots.

Snow Princess® Sweet Alyssum (annual). Photo by: Proven Winners.

Types of Annuals

Not all annuals are equal. They are typically subdivided into three groups:

Hardy or cool-season annuals, such as forget-me-not and larkspur, thrive in the cool to moderate temperatures of early spring and fall and can tolerate exposure to light frost without being protected.

Tender or warm-season annuals, such as marigolds and petunias, are native to tropical or subtropical climates and require heat to grow and thrive, often growing poorly during cold weather. To ensure their survival, it’s best to wait until late spring to add these plants to your garden beds or containers.

Half-hardy annuals are most common and fall in the middle-of-the-road. They tolerate a wide range of temperatures, including periods of cooler weather near the beginning or end of the gardening season.

Why choose annuals?

Growing annuals can be a great way to take gardening one year at a time; experiment with new plants and color schemes without making a long-term commitment.

Annuals are perfect for temporarily filling in bare spots in established gardens or refreshing containers through the season.

Add annuals to a vegetable garden for a splash of color, to fill in gaps when early-season crops are harvested, and attract pollinators to increase production of edible crops.

Annuals provide nearly instant gratification, maturing faster than perennials or biennials, and often bloom from planting time until frost, and in some cases beyond.

If you want a lot of blooms, annuals are the answer. They put all of their energy into developing flowers.

Learn more about growing annuals.

Shop annuals online from Proven Winners

Read more: The Pros and Cons of Square Foot Gardening

Dicentra ‘Luxuriant’ fern-leaved bleeding heart. (long-blooming perennial). Photo by AppletonOnfoot / Pixabay.

WHAT IS A PERENNIAL?

Unlike their short-lived counterparts, perennials are typically cold-hardy plants that will return again in the spring. They usually bloom for only one season each year (either spring, summer, or fall), but there are also reblooming and long-blooming perennials, such as fern-leaved bleeding heart (Dicentra ‘Luxuriant’).

When grown in favorable conditions, perennials often live a long time, but don’t assume they will last forever. Their life span is variable, and some may live for only three to five years. Perennials also vary greatly in terms of their care and maintenance. Some may need to be pruned and divided regularly to maintain their vigor and keep them tidy, while others are tough and undemanding, seeming to thrive on neglect.

Why choose perennials?

Although perennials tend to cost more initially, they are a good long-term investment because they return year after year.

Even perennials that don’t have a long life span can often be propagated by division* or reseeding to perpetuate their population.

Most perennials require less water once established, which can be especially advantageous for those who garden in drought-prone areas and want to reduce their water consumption.

Planting perennials that are native to your region offers the additional benefit of creating a welcome habitat for pollinators and local wildlife.

Biennials

Don’t confuse perennials with biennials, such as dianthus, foxglove, and hollyhock. These plants take two years to complete their growth cycle before dying. Usually biennials do not bloom until their second year, but some behave like short-lived perennials and will flower their first year when planted early enough in spring or started indoors in winter.

Learn more about growing perennials.

Shop perennials online from Proven Winners

HOW THEY COMPARE

HARDY ANNUALS HALF-HARDY AND TENDER ANNUALS PERENNIALS WHEN TO PLANT

Spring or early fall. Seeds can be sown in winter in some climates.

Any time from late spring to midsummer, as long as there is little danger of frost.

Spring or early fall is best. It is difficult for plants to become established during the heat of the summer.

LIFE SPAN

Typically one growing season, although they may self-sow and return for a second season.

One growing season.

Three or more years.

COLD HARDINESS

Cold-tolerant; can handle a slight freeze.

Intolerant of freezing temperatures.

Varies, but most plants can survive cold winters.

Read more: What Do I Put On The Bottom Of A Raised Garden Bed? | Slick Garden

BEST ASSETS

They thrive early and late in the season, when temperatures are too cool for most tender annuals.

A great addition to containers or a garden full of perennials, adding nearly instant color when perennials have stopped blooming for the season.

Provide a sense of continuity from year to year. Although they typically bloom for just a few weeks, their foliage and form contribute to the beauty of the garden throughout the year.

Pegasus® Begonia hybrid (tender perennial). Photo by: Proven Winners.

PLANTS THAT BREAK THE RULES

Not all flowering plants fall neatly into the categories of annual, perennial, or biennial. Here are a few that break the rules.

Tulips: Although most bulbs are considered to be perennials, tulips are often an exception. Native to Central Asia, they require cold winters and hot, dry summers to return each year. But in climates that don’t offer these conditions, they don’t rebloom reliably and are often treated as annuals.

Tender perennials: You may be surprised to discover that some of the most popular annuals may actually perform as perennials in certain regions of the country. These tender perennials, sometimes called “temperennials,” are winter hardy in warmer growing zones but not in northern gardens, where they are typically grown as annuals or even houseplants. Many succulents and tropical plants fit into this category, such as begonias, Alternanthera, elephant ears, and agave.

“If you get right down to it, the label given the plant isn’t important. What is important is how the plant performs in your garden,” says Proven Winners’ horticulturist Kerry Meyer. “For some of you, the plants we call annuals might actually be perennial. To learn if the ‘annual’ you are looking at is an annual for you, you need to compare the plant’s hardiness zone to the zone in which you garden.”

*Note: Make sure you check plant labels before propagating, because propagation (cuttings, division, or grafting) of trademarked plants is prohibited.

RELATED READING: Annuals You’ll Love Perennials You’ll Love Winter Annuals

Source: https://livingcorner.com.au Category: Garden

source https://livingcorner.com.au/annual-vs-perennial-what-is-the-difference-garden-design/

[clearcutgroupca]

Clear Cut Group Provides a DIY Guide To Your Next Sod Installation Project

Useful Tips for Sod Installation You Could Use

The pride of many homeowners and parks has been a lush lawn that looks vibrant, healthy, and thick. No surprise then, sod continues to be the number one way to install and produce an even lawn right from the start versus trying to grow it from seed. However, laying new sod isn’t a simple matter of unrolling carpet slices of green grass. A good amount of preparation is involved in the job to do it right, otherwise, the sod applied can end up dying off.

How Much Sod to Order?

A typical sod application is not a drop in the bucket. A 1,000 square foot section will run approximately $850, and larger yards or front lawn areas can cost more. However, the positive effects can be almost immediate as it only takes a few weeks for the sod to settle in and look like a natural lawn without any hint of artificial preparation and installation.

When to Lay Sod

The best time for a new sod installation tends to be in the spring or fall. Ideally, the sod should go down when it is cool outside and there’s no blazing sun or frigid temperatures at night. Technically, sod can be installed any time of year without snow or freezing, but it will grow best in the mid-warming times of year between extremes.

How to Prepare for Sod Installation

The first step in how to lay sod yourself and any sod job involves getting the soil ready for the sod installation. Sod can’t be just laid on top of hard-packed dirt and expected to magically grow. The soil underneath has to be tilled and turned over to all for oxygen, water penetration, and root growth. Sometimes soil may even have clay in it, a serious problem for growth. So, additional soil has to be added to break up this problem and give the sod proper material to work with. The most common soil preparation involves rototilling to a fine level so the ground is completely worked and there are no hardpan or compacted areas left.

Preparing Yard for Sod

Next, the soil has to be leveled when preparing for sod installation. Note, this does not mean compacted. Instead, the bumps and lumps need to be taken out or broken down so the sod has even contact with the soil underneath. Lumps and clods will create gaps and root die-off since the sod roots won’t be able to cross the spacing in a pocket. Close contact is ideal as the sod roots will continue to grow down into the soil bed, rooting the sod layer for long-term growth.

How Can You Lay Sod Pieces?

The first row of sod matters the most. You want that first row to be as straight as possible, so it should be lined up with an edge, a fence, or a sidewalk edge. That definition will impact the rest of the sod as it gets placed. The sod is basically placed, pinned, and unrolled along the edge. Generally, nothing should be on the sod or standing on it. A key factor is a sod, flat application without any pockets or bubbles. Use a rake if needed to press bumps or wrinkles down.

As a roll finishes and a new roll starts, they should be staggered so there’s not a single line across the lawn from one row to the next. A basic garden knife helps with trimming edges, ends, and holes for garden sprinklers and edges.

As the sod is laid down, one layer after another, tuck and butt the edges and ends together snugly so there’s no gapping or overlap. Ideally, the edges should grow together without any die-off due to a dry spot.

Watering

Adding water to the sod should be regular and frequent but avoid flooding and make sure drainage is working properly. Sitting water causes sod to rot and die off. Avoid standing on the lawn in any situation as it will be very easy to kill at this point in the growth. Watering should be in the morning so it has the day to dry off the excess and won’t sit at night. After about a week, watering can be lessened to every two days. By the third week, it should be two out of seven days. Then the sod should be in maintenance mode, with more water in the summer and less in the winter.

Time to Mow and How to Care for Sod

Generally, sod will not be ready to cut and mow for a number of weeks. It really shouldn’t even be touched until the grass is over three inches in height. At that point, lower it only to two inches. A lightweight mower should be used and all cuttings should be bagged and removed. The sod is still fragile and easy to kill off. Also, make sure the mower’s blade is sharpened; a dull blade bruises the grass and damages it further down the stalk.

Also, don’t be too quick to add fertilizer. The first feeding should be at least a month after the sod installation and not sooner. Make sure to use a starter fertilizer first versus a regular brand.

Can You Lay Down Sod by Yourself?

The short answer is yes, but you need to be dedicated to the work and have the right tools for the job. It’s not rocket science, but you can’t rush the job either for the best results. Putting down sod is not an instant-gratification trick; it takes work and planning. Follow the steps right, and the sod will turn into a beautiful lawn.

However, if this kind of project seems challenging or could take too much time, Clear Cut Group is always available to help.

Sod installation is just one of a number of projects Clear Cut Group can help homeowners with, along with landscaping and light hanging too. So, you can still enjoy a new sod installation without struggling with the work the first time, and it gives you a good chance to see how the job is done right as well.

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source https://clearcutgroup.ca/press-releases/clear-cut-group-provides-a-diy-guide-to-your-next-sod-installation-project/