#I was trolled in the most magnificent way

[fishyfishyfishtimes]

Hey, psst. Want to hear about one of my more meaningless pet peeves?

You know the Moomins, right? A few years ago the answer might've been no, but after the popularity of Moominvalley (2019) the Moomin franchise seems to have gained popularity outside of Europe and Japan. In any case, Moomins follows the adventures of hippo-like "trolls" in book, comic, TV show and movie form, animated, stop motion and live action alike. One of my very favourite characters from the Moomins is Edward the Booble.

(First image from here, the rest pulled from the episode Adventures of Moominpappa: Part 1)

My first introduction to him was in the animated Moomin (1990) series, and wow!!! What a creature, I'm sure you can assume why I immediately took a liking! A gigantic, reptilian beast, magnificently suited for aquatic living with his long body and finned tail! In this series it's even implied that he might be a dragon or related to dragons (this is not a feature of other Moomin series or books though) which made him infinitely cooler to me. Despite being the second largest creature on Earth he's always described to be a very friendly guy, if he ever steps on a person by accident he always pays for the funeral costs, they say.

Edward has other interpretations of himself, naturally, given the long lifespan of the Moomins as a franchise and the fact that he made his actual debut in the book Moominpappa's Memoirs. This is him as illustrated in the book:

(Image from here)

In the stop motion show The Moomins (1977) he looks like this:

(Image from The Moomins episode Edward the Booble)

The comics take perhaps the greatest divergence, as in those he looks like this:

(Image taken from here)

...Still pretty similar, usually.

Fortunately for me, despite his rather few appearances in any Moomin property, he gets his own spotlight in the Moomin World park! ...There's a theme park, by the way. Two parks, one in Naantali, Finland, one in Hanno, Japan. I'm talking about the Naantali park in this case, a place I've gone to significantly more than the average person. ^^' As you saw, certain characters (and places) look extremely different interpretation to interpretation, so Moomin World most closely sticks to the 90's animated show if there's any conflicting designs. This is Edward at the park, he floats near the Moomins' "bathing hut":

(Image from here)

Now look at that! Naturally they couldn't have made him a gigantic looming beast, but this is really darn close to how he is in the 90's series. He looks a lot like a long-necked dinosaur, I really enjoy his individually molded scales and hair strands, and his sort of claylike texture. It makes him look like he was brought into the real world straight from a cartoon: a look that's just right for the Moomin World! Just look at his face!!!

(Image from here)

A real big sweetie!!!! He's obviously fake, yet he feels real anyway. It's the way that he's shaped so naturally, how his raised neck and tail and arched back create a shape that flows from body part to part. It’s the way each part of him is textured, even in the parts of him where he lacks scales there’s a subtle unevenness to his surface, and certain features are raised. Despite being a purple yellow-haired reptilian creature he's very much like a real animal! All in all an excellent adaptation.

“Wait,” you might be thinking. “This is all good things. You like the Edward at the park. Where’s the pet peeve?”

You’d be quite right! All of this is indeed well and good, but that’s because I’ve withheld one crucial detail.

That is not Edward the Booble at the Moomin Park.

Not anymore. He was replaced some time ago, with an all new design.

Currently, Edward looks like this:

(Top image from here, bottom image from here)

......

What in the world. Do you see that??? Edward looks like his spine was mangled. I presented you with several different versions of Edward before so you could compare: does he look like any of his adaptations? Certainly not. He has never been a sea serpent!! Nevermind this ridiculously long snake torso, he's always depicted as having a long neck and tail but a normal, plump body. See those things shittily painted on his side? Those are fins! When did he ever have fins!!!?????

All of those wonderful sculpted scales have been replaced with an all smooth surface. His body's surface texture is instead communicated through paint. I do think the paint job is quite pretty as his colouration gets some variation (reminds me of a story book illustration, likely they were going for that look), but see how much the light reflects off of his plastic surface? When his scales were actually there, you'd see their shadows, but now that they went for an all smooth design he looks cheap, like any other theme park plastic statue out there. He looks factory-made. It makes his newly added fins appear like an afterthought, nevermind his hair that shifts from three-dimensional to painted on halfway down his neck. I suppose they just didn't feel like painting his hair all the way down his back like it is in Moomin...

I suppose his quizzical look is pretty cute, but yeeeouch that neck!!!! It has that weird bend right in the middle, and it's so skinny and short compared to his body. It widens so much at the bottom, he's like a watering can, man! His head is far too small and a real weird shape, though I can't put my finger on it. Perhaps his weird bulging teeth? They're awfully big in his mouth when previously they were more in proportion.

They insisted on this weird long noodle body and yet he doesn't even flow nicely anymore. There's an awkward hump between the neck and the body, and at the end of his body where logically his form would rise up, it instead straightens out for a bit, then his tail raises.

Now, obviously this is extremely minor in the grand scheme of things. I seldom bother myself with thoughts of the new Edward the Booble — only now did I get the idea of making a Tumblr post about this, lmao. This is just another case of “man, now why would they do that >:(“ rather than anything big. Because, really… man, now why would they do that!! Had a perfectly good Booble before. Perfect down to every last detail. Now he’s been replaced by some imposter! >:(

[mysterioushistorian]

The Beforus Ancestors

honestly, i didnt like how the drawings turned out. i searched for references for the ancestors but i didnt manage to draw them the way i wanted to. most of the designs are okay, though i still feel like some of them are missing something, like colors.

more info abt them ↓

The Treasure Huntress (aka. Beforan Aradia) She was a very skilled adventurer and loved finding historic artifacts. She had a special taste for East Beforan art and culture. During her adventures, she met a violetblooded sea dweller who also had a fascination for history and dedicated his life to study and learn more about it. Together, they traveled along each other with the goal of learning more about the history of their planet, and eventually, they developed feelings for each other. However, the warmblooded girl was pale, while the coolblooded boy was red. The unspoken tension between each other lead to a fight, which ended in surprise on both sides over the admittance of feelings. Not wanting to disappoint each other, they agreed to just stay friends.

The Guardian (Beforan Tavros) He he stood up for the rights of trolls in special needs, and by that, he was also heavily against culling (as in the Beforan meaning of culling), saying that nobody should be treated that way (as helpless and fragile, making them too dependant) and by doing that, they would be "hiding the truth of the world from the children" by basically being way too overprotective. He was a farm boy, living in the country sides with his moirail, who mainly took care of the stables. Their farm was open to public visits, and one day, a certain coolblooded visitor has caught his attention. He wished to re-encounter with the man someday. One day, he has suffered a very sudden mutation that made him sprout wings, with him finally being able to realize his dream of traveling the world to spread the word about the dangers of culling and the rights of trolls in special needs.

(please correct me if I got the wrong meaning of Beforan culling, as I will talk about it again)

Radiical Psygamer (Beforan Sollux) He was, perhaps, the greatest programmer that Beforus has ever seen. With his magnificent skills, he was responsible for massively improving trolls’ technology and has contributed to the creation of a few robots and helped with the coding of various popular games. He was, however, a terrible teacher, given his introversion and general social awkwardness. He was a big figure in the world of console games and was the first to actively encourage girls to play games too.

The Unculled (Beforan Karkat) Because of his rare candy red blood, no lusus wanted to raise him, leaving him there all alone. One day, he was found by a purpleblooded man who took him to his hive in hopes that someone would pick him. They waited, and waited, and waited… but no lusus came. Tired of waiting, the big troll decided to raise the grub himself. Because of his caretaker, the mutantblooded grew up to be loud, tough and intimidating, but had a big, friendly heart and cared for his loved ones a lot.

Sharpeye Furrline (Beforan Nepeta) She was a very skilled huntress. According to herself, she only killed what she ate, and if she didn’t eat, killing them would be mean. She could hunt creatures from a very small size to ones that were the double of her own. One day, while hunting for her dinner, she has killed a creature that was going to become a Lusus of a small wriggler. Therefore, she has accidentally unlocked the rage of a coolblooded troll. Terrified, she knew she couldn’t fight back, so she ran as fast as she could, far away from that beach. No one knows what happened to her.

The Seamstress (Beforan Kanaya) A rare jadeblood with a rare taste for fashion. She became known for her dresses with odd patterns, inspired by the landscapes around her. She also traveled in search of different sights and, consequently, more ideas for dresses. Her works have eventually caught the attention of the Empress, who offered her a job as her official seamstress.

The Attorney (Beforan Terezi) She was a blind woman who did not allow her disability to hold her back. She fought back against Beforus’ culling policy and became a excellent lawyer. Dedicating herself to fight against crime and bring justice to maintain the order and peacefulness of her planet, she chased a mischievous pirate lady who seemed to cause trouble everywhere she passed. She was The Unculled’s matesprit.

Arachnid Cap8tain (Beforan Vriska) A troublemaker who caused mischief together with her pirate crew. She considered The Attorney her rival, as she was the only one who insisted in chasing her and never gave up on her quest to capture the spider pirate. A completely platonic rivalry. She held a special interest for snooker and said that the Ball 8 was actually “her lucky ball”.

The Horseman (Beforan Equius) A STRONG man who really liked horses. He lived in a farm with his moirail and was responsible for taking care of the stables. Because of his interest, they ended up having way too many horses, which resulted in them having to build a larger stable for all of them. He loved every single one of them and took great care of each one. He said he occasionally had dreams where he was half a man and half a horse (basically a centaur), which is the origin of his title.

The Clownish Caretaker (Beforan Gamzee) He rescued lususless grubs and wrigglers with an absent lusus and took care of them temporarily, until a new lusus came to become their official guardian. Despite being tall, lanky and overall intimidating, he was a very sweet and cheerful man, and loved entertaining others. Just like others, he was also heavily against culling and said that “every motherfucker should know and be able to defend themselves.” One day, a lusus was coming to his hive to pick up a grub, but it was killed by Shapeye Furrline. The man never felt so much rage before. The pure platonic hate he held towards the woman was bigger than the amount of hate he thought he could feel. Despite that, and contrary to popular belief, he did not chase the lady and took him quite some time to calm down. He was responsible for raising The Unculled and made sure to treat him properly.

The Historian (Beforan Eridan) A seadweller with a huge fascination for history, he dedicated his life to learn more about the mysteries of his world. He read diares and looked for accurate informations, instead of believing in telltale stories. He studied ancient walls and occasionally collected some artifacts, purely for research reasons, and that’s when he met The Treasure Huntress. They decided to travel together, and it did not take long for him to become flushed for her. Unfortunately, she did not return the feelings, instead being pale for him. They agreed to stay friends, but very deep inside, he was still a bit disappointed.

Her Glorious Imperialist (Beforan Feferi) The ruler of Beforus. She was a very kind and sweet woman, undoubtedly one of the best rules Beforus has ever seen. She treated her people with fairness, yet despise that, she was pro-culling, saying that some should not face the dangers of the world. After offering a job for The Seamstress, she and the jadeblood grew close. Despite being the one in charge of the planet, she decided to take care of Arachnid Cap8tain herself, and being a seadweller, it wasn’t hard to find her. She still congratulated The Attorney for her efforts in chasing the troublemaker pirate.

[secretpostsposts]

Hello so I have a question that I have been meaning to ask about for probably 2 days but what would happen if the brothers from your au (Beloved little brother AU) met my Troll au (One of the au about the infected au but mines a little different) my au isn't really in any app where you could ready cause I only use it when making up stories in my mind... I never write them cause I'm not a good writer... Anyways here's the version of branch in my AU (If you have any questions because this is kind off confusing then pls ask because I really wanna know how the brothers would react to this little au of mine)

Ok... someone dared him to go to the forest with a spear just incase the creature (The one that's supposed to be a myth lurking in the deep dark forest at night...which carries around a virus a dangerous one) is actually real...and stay in the forest for 2 hours....he never came back and went missing for 2 weeks...when they found him he looked different and acted more hostile... He was covered in blood... It didn't look like all of it was his... The thing they got disturbed the most was the Bite mark that had black veins growing.... Whatever happened in that forest and the days he was missing must have made him crazy with paranoia, anxiety, fear, and worry... he was still holding the spear he brought... it was covered in blood... his friends (The snack pack) surrounded him trying to reassure him that everything is going to be ok... but stepping forward towards him while he was near an edge of a cliff was really a bad idea... he must of been hallucinating from the way he looked at them... the last step back he took made him slip and fall from the cliff which he landed on spikes below piercing his body.... killing him...

But I saw how you don't like the idea of branch dying so let's change that to extremely injured if that makes it any better...

Note: he is grey with few scratches and bruises but the main problem in the Bute mark where he is infected... But considering we changed his fate to getting killed to extremely injured he would be contained in a containment room...

P.S: the reason why he went crazy is in the explanation... He didn't wanna kill or infected anyone else....

Effect/Symptoms: aggressive... Hungry... Crazy/insane...and hostile.... And other effects/symptoms (Cannibalism...)

That's all sorry if this is long...

John had a plan, he went for his other brothers, they would get Branch back and if necessary they would take him to Vacay Island where they could take care of him and keep him safe like they were supposed to do.

He went to Bruce first, he found him through the postcard; It was crazy to find out that he was married and had 13 kids, that was a shock to John; Then they went for Floyd, they were at one of his concerts, it was magnificent; finding Clay was more difficult, it took them 3 days to find Clay, it was a strange encounter, since they had to deal with Princess Viva, they didn't even know that she was not with the rest of the Trolls, she decided to go with them to find her sister Poppy, they were about to leave her alone because Viva was hesitant at the entrance of the sanctuary, John just wanted to go look for his baby brother, he didn't want him to be any further away from his siblings, his family who wanted him safe, but Viva he was making it FUCKING hard for them, he didn't like the girl for it, he could even see that Clay was upset with his "friend" for it.

So they arrived at Pop Village, they talked to some trolls but every time they talked about their Little Brother they went the other way, many ran in the opposite direction shouting for a Poppy, Viva got excited when she heard the name sister, she was alive and that made her made me very happy.

But they were in panic, worried and scared to death, afraid that their little brother would not be here, that it would be late and he would be... Gone.

But then Poppy arrived and a group of friends with a very stupid name approached them, King Peppy was with them, it was a nice family meeting between members of royalty, but Brozone just wanted to find his little brother, see him, hug him. just keep it safe.

When they asked about Branch, he could see how they smiled and all the joy was erased from their faces, Viva looked confused by that, Floyd sobbed by that.

John felt cold, while Bruce and Clay tried to calm Floyd down.

Poppy jumped up and said that Branch was alive and well, as far as he could be, that he was sick, and that they couldn't see him.

John told him that they were brothers, that they were his brothers, that they needed to see him.

One of Poppy's friends pointed to Floyd and asked him if he was Floyd, he obviously said yes and although Peppy didn't seem like he wanted to take them to Branch, Poppy did.

He took them to a bunker, his little brother's bunker, Branch's home, he showed them some rooms, those rooms screamed their names everywhere, just like the rooms at Grandma's house, Branch had copied the rooms, waiting for them to They came back, and now they are here, they just had to apologize and everything would be fine.

He took them to a deep place in the bunker, it was a large room and what looked like a large glass with small holes at the top for air and an even smaller door in which there was a broken plate with food lying around, it was dark at the end. , they couldn't see anything.

And then they saw a tail, John recognized that lock of hair, how many times did he not have to untangle the hair and that lock in the tail when Branch played on the branch at his house, always getting covered in leaves.

Floyd ran towards the glass, drawing Branch's attention, they went after him when something crashed against the glass with force. Clay fell to the floor from shock, Bruce walked away gasping and covering his mouth.

Floyd didn't move, his hands were still on the glass, he was pale, shaking and crying without saying a sound; John was at his side reeling in shock.

Poppy explains that Branch went to the forest because something or someone was being violent, a lot of trolls were scared because someone almost hit them, and Branch went to take care of it, and he didn't come back for 2 weeks, when they went to look for him they found him out of his mind, bathed in blood and that it was not his, at least not all of it, with a big bite on his arm, he was more paranoid than ever, he was violent and he was lashing out, they had to knock him out to bring him here, it was a room where Branch put aggressive animals wounded, where Branch would care for them and then release them.

John wasn't listening to her, he could only see his little brother, his sweet and innocent little brother, he looked bad.

His eyes that were so big and cheerful were cloudy, his pupil covered almost his entire eye, he could barely see the beautiful blue that was once there, his hair was a chaos, his teeth were all fangs and his skin, his arms were full. from a bite, and his mouth had blood.

His brother looked like a wild animal...

He had been eating himself, refusing to eat anything but meat, and even meat sometimes didn't feed him, or so Poppy said.

Branch was banging on the glass when he heard her speak, screaming like an angry animal.

"Branch..." Floyd spoke to him, and Branch stood still as an entrance, just looking at Floyd, and looking at the others, at Clay on the floor crying, at Bruce and John Dory.

"..YOU...ARE BACK..." Branch was smiling, tapping on the glass, John could ignore the blood and wounds; he would swear his baby brother was excited to see them, that he was happy to see his older siblings; as if this were normal

"Yes Branch, we're back." John put his hand on the glass, and his brother's bloody, clawed hand rests on top of his, smiling at his brothers.

I needed to write that, and I love seeing more of your Au, I'm not such a fan of the Infected stories that you've been doing, sometimes I don't understand the story because I lose the thread, so I don't understand them much (but I am a fan of the zombies), so I needed to write something because I like your work!

Well continuing with this, the brothers moved to the bunker (except Bruce who came and stayed for 2 weeks and then returned to Vacay Island), they took care of Branch, John Dory got a muzzle, because one time they tried to get him out of the cage ; They were furious, how dare they put their little brother in a cage like an animal, they are their brothers, they can handle it; So John got a muzzle, because he almost bit Clay when they tried to get him out, and with the muzzle it was easier, they healed his wounds and made sure he looked better.

Bruce fed him, but they had to tie him in an iron chair because the wooden one destroyed it easily, then it was difficult to feed him, because Branch refused, and he started biting his arms again, Bruce realized that Branch liked it. blood, so he started drawing blood with a syringe and a bag, when John Dory found out he did it himself and Floyd and Clay joined in, Branch looked like a child who was given his favorite milkshake when they served him a glass.

And then it was the food, he didn't eat anything, John Dory hunted animals and gave them to Branch, raw, because he didn't seem to like it cooked or sewn, and then he accidentally killed someone, John was shooting a fleet to hunt a small animal for his little brother's breakfast tomorrow, when someone passed by, it was dark, he didn't see it, but it wouldn't be his first death, but it would get him in trouble if someone found out, so he took him to the bunker, he had a fight with his brothers for bringing the corpse, and then, they don't know how Branch got loose, but Branch threw himself on the body, his brothers moved away by instinct, they could never be afraid of their baby brother, and Branch looked so happy eating the poor unknown troll , that they couldn't take that joy away from him, it was sad that some trolls disappeared, but his little brother needed to eat, no one can blame them for wanting to take care of his brother.

No one was allowed to enter the bunker, not Snack Pack, not Viva, Peppy, and much less Queen Poppy.

They don't mind killing as long as their brother can eat and be happy, he's calm when he has meat so he's easy to deal with, Floyd keeps saying it's like dealing with Branch when he was 2 years old.

They are his brothers.

They know how to take care of it...

This was what I had to post, and now it turns out that I deleted a previous question for the wrong answer and two more for deleting the wrong post, it's a sign of what my life will be like in my new cycle at the university (I have to come back on Monday god I have a headache)

And your owner is Au I would like to know more!

[jade-green-butterfly]

💚🦋~Sweet Besties Forever~🌊💜

A special gift for my lovely @x-elyssa-x, who I met back in 2021 and we've been like two peas in a pod ever since - sisterly figures, even~💞😊We talk everyday, share ideas and stories, and even create OCs and AUs together~✨ We've stood by each through thick and thin, and always had each other's backs when times get tough🫂Ely is a truly wonderful Trolls artist, and she has gifted me so many magnificent and amazing treasures~🥹💝🥰 So when she wished to see her super cute and sweet trollsona - Wave Glee in my style, together with my own trollsona, I was more than thrilled to do so!❣️❣️And what better way to draw us together, than in a big hug time~!💓😁 I am so pleased how this turned out and Wave was just a darling to draw for the very first time!🤩She's such a sweetheart and one of my most fave Techno Troll OCs of all time~💘😚 As always, thank-you so, sooooo much for everything, Ely!💖🤗💖You're one in a million and a true, dear friend anyone could ask for, and I am so grateful to have met you~💜🌸💚Don't stop being the lovely and amazing you!🌟Love you lots, bestie~🫶🏻😘💕xoxo.

*~Reblogs are also deeply appreciated as well, so please do reblog as well as like! Thank-you kindly!~*

Wave Glee (c) @x-elyssa-x~💜

Trollsona Jussy/Justina Butterfly (c) @jade-green-butterfly​ (Me~!)

DreamWorks Trolls (c) DreamWorks Animation

[thewertsearch]

GA: Im Not Sure Which Depresses Me More GA: The Sabotage Of Our Session Or The Futility Of Theirs [...] CG: YOU'RE BEING REALLY WEIRD ABOUT THIS. GA: Well I Havent Asked What I Wanted To Ask [...] GA: Its About TentacleTherapist CG: YEAH. THAT'S THE ROSE HUMAN. CG: SHE'S APPARENTLY PRETTY SARCASTIC. CG: IT'S IN MY NOTES.

I love that Karkat prepared dossiers on the kids' personalities, presumably to harass them as efficiently as possible. We've never seen him talk to Rose, so I like to think he learned about her sarcasm from her passive-aggressive games with Mom.

GA: You Have Notes On Them [...] GA: Thats Why Youre Our Leader Karkat CG: NO, I'M YOUR LEADER BECAUSE OF MY INCREDIBLE TACTICAL SKILLS AND MY ABILITY TO MOBILIZE AND MOTIVATE A BUNCH OF USELESS PEOPLE TOWARD A COMMON GOAL, AND BECAUSE I'M EXTREMELY AMBITIOUS AND INTREPID. ALSO BECAUSE LEADERSHIP IS IN MY BLOOD. WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS.

I'm actually with Karkat on this. Uniting the trolls was an achievement, and he managed it better than most of his friends would have.

The only other trolls who might have had a shot were Terezi or Kanaya - but Kanaya was distracted by quadrant shenanigans, and Terezi likes causing problems on purpose. Plus, she wasn't interested in being the leader.

Karkat doesn't exactly give off 'inspiring leader' vibes, but he rose to the occasion magnificently. He got trolls like Vriska, Equius and Eridan to act as a unit, and it's frankly astounding that it worked as well as it did.

GA: Have You Talked To Her CG: WHO GA: The Rose Human GA: Also GA: Do We Really Have To Say Things Like The Rose Human CG: OF COURSE WE DO. CG: IT SOUNDS SUITABLY DISDAINFUL. CG: I MEAN, IF A BUNCH OF ALIENS STARTED HASSLING YOU, YOU WOULD EXPECT THEM TO ACT REALLY HIGH AND MIGHTY, AND SUPERIOR IN EVERY WAY, RIGHT?.

Humans are, basically, cousins to the trolls - and the first thing the trolls did was try to obfuscate that fact. I think Karkat's motive was to make them sound intimidating, but they ended up just sounding like cartoon characters. Not that I'm complaining.

CG: DID YOU WANT TO TROLL HER? ARE YOU VOLUNTEERING? [...] GA: Im Not Sure If Ive Got It In Me Right Now CG: COME ON. YOU'LL BE GREAT AT IT. CG: PLEASE JUST DO THIS ONE THING FOR ME. WE'VE GOT TO STAY COORDINATED ON THIS. CG: TOO MANY OF THESE FUCKS ARE GOING ROGUE.

Karkat may have united the trolls, but I think his leadership died with the Black King. He said it himself - his strength was in motivating the trolls to a common goal. Out here in the Veil, there is no more goal, and things are rapidly unraveling.

CG: I'LL EXPECT A FULL REPORT SOON. GA: A Report About What [...] CG: HOW HASSLED YOU GOT HER TO BE CG: BUT LESS STUPID SOUNDING THAN THAT. GA: Is There A Metric For That Concept [...] CG: WE CAN GAUGE YOUR RESULTS WITH THE "FLIGHTY BROADS AND THEIR SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER".

And I don't think Project Trolling was just a way for Karkat to vent his frustrations, either. I mean, that's definitely what he thinks it is, but if it was just that, he'd be doing it alone.

GA: That Seems Just As Disparaging To Me As It Is To Her CG: YEAH WELL CG: USE IT AS MOTIVATION

He's doing it to motivate the other trolls. A part of him has realized that his team has lost direction, and he's subconsciously trying to provide them a new goal - something new to unite them.

Because what happens if the trolls aren't united?

Blood, mostly.

And Karkat hates blood.

[thesoftboiledegg]

What up, libsharts. Since you all fell for my brilliant social experiment last year, I thought I’d come back to troll you for another round. You really thought that I was gay, huh? Well, you weren’t the only ones. I showed it to the bros in my Elon Musk Discord server, and they stupidly went “Wow, that was pretty gay” and I said “No it isn’t” and one guy said “You said that you’re attracted to Rick a bunch of times” and I said “No I didn’t” and another guy said “Dude, you said the exact same thing yesterday” and I said “No I didn’t” and he said “You literally showed up out of nowhere, said ‘im going to jack it to rick tonight lol’ and left” and I said “Haha, it was all a social experiment! I’m fucking with you! I’m a master manipulator like Rick! What’s gay about what I said? If somebody on Discord said ‘I want Rick Sanchez to ream me in the back room at Spencer’s’ and you thought ‘Wow, that sounds pretty gay,’ maybe YOU’RE the one who has dreams about Rick railing you in a blow-up inflatable pool while Bird Person lies facedown in a ditch!”

I beat them with cold, hard logic, just like Rick would. But one aspect of my genius experiment was true: I’m a dudebro sent here to infiltrate Tumblr. We do everything better than you, and to prove it, I wrote a fic that’s infinitely superior to anything you Tumblrinas could shit out. You think you’re the only ones who can come up with stories? Ha! You’re never going to beat me. You ass clowns have no idea how many times I’ve fantasized about Rick!

Anyway, here’s my one-shot that’s better than a thousand Rick Sanchez/Reader fics combined, and I would know, because I read all of them. And this is NOT AI-generated, by the way–no machine could compete with the brilliance pulsating in my brain stem. Get obliterated with literature, dumbfucks!

Your Majesty: Rick Sanchez/Elon Musk (PLATONIC!!)

Elon Musk gazed at the sky as a spaceship shimmered into view, glittering in the sunlight while it approached the SpaceX landing strip. Elon–or E, as his most respected admirers called him–was a ruggedly handsome man of over six feet tall with a chiseled jaw, godlike facial features, sizeable muscles and a full head of hair that one would love to run their hands through–if they were allowed to, of course. But few people had enjoyed this privilege. In both a literal and metaphorical sense, Elon Musk was truly untouchable.

A SpaceX rocket launched to the left of him, undoubtedly on another successful mission, but E’s eyes were fixed on the giant spaceship drifting to the ground with a barely audible whirr. The Tesla logo glinted on the front of the incredible ship, a mark of Elon’s brilliance. Steam hissed from the entrance as the side door opened and a lengthy shadow stretched across the ground.

“Greetings, Elon,” Rick Sanchez said as he approached. He was just as handsome as Musk, perhaps even more so. At nearly seven feet tall, most humans could only gaze up at him and marvel at his unfathomable genius, matched only by that of the engineer standing in front of him. He strode magnificently toward E as if he knew that he were God’s perfect creation, the scientist that would give Stephen Hawking envy diarrhea.

“Salutations, Rick,” E answered in kind, acknowledging the pleasure of being in his presence. “What do you have for me?”

“I have a concept that will revolutionize our lives and showcase our brilliance to the rest of the planet.” Rick paused. “Nay, the entire galaxy. Alien species will look up at us in wonder as they question how Earth could have produced not one, but two, of the universe’s perfect beings.”

Musk flashed him a smile brimming with boyish charm. “It seems, as I’ve suspected many times, that you and I are the main characters in this simulation, and everyone else–girls and normies in particular–are mere NPCs.”

“This is true, but I can’t take credit for all of it,” Rick admitted. “While most of this idea was mine, I confess that I couldn’t have developed this plan without Tesla’s impressive technology.”

“You are too humble,” E said with a nod of his head. “Of course, none of this would have been possible without your technology that turned Tesla into the pinnacle of human achievement, a stunning display of masculine brilliance and prowess that womenfolk could never accomplish because they’re dumb.”

“You are familiar with my Raising Gazorpazorp manifesto, I presume?”

“Of course, Rick. I have watched every moment of your life with intense fascination. Our Twitter interaction all those years ago was the highlight of my existence, moreso than the birth of every one of my children combined, and it compelled the author of this story to jerk off to it even though we’re both men.”

“He was imagining all the hot chicks that he sucked off in his fraternity, I’m sure.”

“Undoubtedly. Now, if you would, please lead me into the ship so that I can witness your latest intellectual conquest.”

“Follow me, Your Majesty,” Rick responded with a limp-wristed wave that was stunningly, incredibly heterosexual.

The door hissed shut behind them as E followed Rick into the ship. Since Rick had partnered with Tesla a year prior, his ship had become a sprawling technological wonder full of everything that the space traveler could possibly need. Only E could have done this, Rick thought to himself, as he gazed around the interior of the ship as if seeing it for the first time. Truly, being in the presence of his hero reminded him of his incredible fortune.

Rick’s ship, once small and held together with duct tape but an astonishing creation nonetheless, now housed five scientific laboratories stocked with alien technology that Rick and E had amassed on their many adventures together. His ship also possessed a gigantic library, a hologram room where he spoke with digital recreations of Earth’s greatest MALE scientists, a math classroom where he solved and invented equations, a Tesla think tank where shareholders held board meetings, a SpaceX rocket manufacturing plant, and a cafeteria that served exclusively reheated taquitos and Mountain Dew.

Elon felt the same way as Rick. He couldn’t keep his eyes off the scientist as they walked to one of the laboratories. Of course, this was done in a completely straight, masculine way. E thought that he would later have sex with lots of beautiful women that looked a little like Rick, but they weren’t Rick, because that would be gay.

“Here it is, my dear E,” Rick said, spreading out his arms in front of him like a Greek god.

A scale model of a glass dome stood on a pedestal with tiny figures moving inside to represent a community. As E peered into the dome, the glass reflected his breathtakingly handsome features.

“This is the community that we will build on Pluto,” Rick announced. “As you’ve undoubtedly guessed already due to your unfathomable genius, those crystals in the center release pheromones that will cause the most beautiful women in the universe to flock to us while the ugly ones stay at home and cry about it on Tumblr. These beauties will fawn over and make out with us while we chug Mountain Dew and watch video game livestreams where one guy just says ‘BANG!’ over and over. One of our wives will microwave taquitos on demand while another will periodically wipe the sweat off our gaming chairs. Truly, we will be the gods of our own universe.”

E smiled at this thought. He had colonized Mars years ago and had no less than 1,000 Martian wives with male relatives who had invested in E-Coin, his genuis cryptocurrency that only tech bros could understand, but he now saw an opportunity to enter the NFT market. Any male would be delighted to own a digital representation of one of these alien Helens of Troy. And of course, who but Rick should be at his side? Who else but the god-like scientist who deserved to have dominion over every living being in existence?

“If you have a minute, E–” Rick began, then stopped. “You do have a minute, don’t you? As the owner and CEO of X, PayPal, SpaceX, Tesla, OpenAI, Neuralink, xAI, Midjourney, OpenSea, Adult Swim, Dogecoin, McDonald’s, Fox News, The Joe Rogan Experience, Funko Pops, Discord, and Harmontown, I realize that your time is so precious that one second with you is worth ten kilos of fine Neptunian gold.”

Once more, Elon flashed his iconic boyish grin. “Rick, don’t you know me by now? If I weren’t a man of science who understood the natural disasters that it would cause, I would stop the world from spinning on its axis just to spend another minute in your presence.”

Rick responded with a flushed smile, then pressed a button on the side of the display. “Then allow me to demonstrate.”

When a set of steel doors slid open, a girl robot emerged from the storage space. I guess she was attractive for a girl. In her extended arms, she held a glass case piled high with shimmering jewels.

“This is a scale model of one of our Plutonian wives,” Rick said intelligently, lifting the case from her hands. “In preparation for our mission, I’ve amassed a fine collection of intergalactic space jewelry.”

Rick typed in a code to unlock the case: 42069. 420 and 69 were Rick’s favorite numbers, as well as Elon’s. The gemstones glinted in the light as the lid clicked open. Rick attached the earrings and kissed the robot’s ears, slid on the bracelets and kissed her wrists, and strung on the necklace and kissed her neck. He looked amazing in that jewelry.

“Well, Rick, this calls for quite the celebration,” E said cheerfully. “Should we celebrate with a bottle of Twitterian space wine?

“Of course,” Rick said with a wink. “What do you think I stashed in the wine cooler?”

Rick pressed a button on the wall, causing a drawer to slide out with a hiss and a cloud of steam. The steam dissipated to reveal a sparkling bottle of golden wine and two identical glasses with Rick and Elon’s names etched into the side. Rick handed Elon one of the glasses, the surface reflecting his Adonis-like visage.

“Let’s take this to the lounge, shall we?” Rick said. “I could use some quality time with my technological muse, the scientist whose mere existence transformed my life the second I laid eyes upon him.”

“Ah, but the feeling is mutual,” Elon confessed. “When I first saw you in that Tesla board meeting and realized that you had invested in our stock, I knew that I had reached the defining moment of my career, the pinnacle of achievement that made everything else seem like watching an orangutan pissing into a lake.”

“Your affections charm and dazzle me,” Rick responded. “I may go on adventures alone when you’re busy transforming X into history’s greatest social media empire, but I confess that my travels are incomplete without you by my side.”

“I will have to take a break from X to join you on the next mission,” E said with a nod. “After all, we have not yet had sex with all the hot babes in the universe. We’ve had sex with most of them, this is true, but I’m sure there are far-off corners of the galaxy that have yet to hear the legend of Rick and Elon: a hundred years, a hundred more, our friendship extending into eternity.”

A few minutes later, the two of them were reclining in a lounge furnished with plush velvet couches, Greek statues of famous scientists, and a bubbling hot tub. Rick and Elon had slept with many hot alien chicks in this lounge, but they didn’t really enjoy it even though they were both straight. One might say that they were super-straight. It was a special type of straight that only their genius minds could possess.

Elon and Musk clinked their glasses before they each took a drink. “While we’re here, should we engage in some meta commentary?” E said with a sly chuckle.

“Of course,” Rick said, straightening to look at the reader. “I would like to say that the author of this fic is an incredibly handsome, virile, and heterosexual man, and if I were gay and he were gay–which we’re not, of course–I would love to take my pants off and sit on his face while he recites mathematical theorems.”

“I concur,” E said with a tilt of his head. “I also find this author to be quite attractive, brilliant and god-like, and although I’m super-straight, I would be up for a threesome with you, him, and I in a truck stop bathroom while some other guys watch.”

“Truly, that would be the spectacle of a lifetime,” Rick said with a charming, boyish grin. “Of course, this is impossible because I’m straight as well as white and neurotypical, and whenever I said otherwise, I was in fact performing a social experiment on my audience.”

“I, too, have done such a thing,” Elon agreed. “And Birdrick is platonic, is it not?”

“Birdrick is indeed platonic. Anyone who thought that scene was gay needs to watch some gay porn and learn what ‘gay’ really means, which this author does on a regular basis.”

They nodded in agreement, then drank their glittering space wine as the sun set outside the ship, casting the inside of the lounge in a deep, romantic glow. Rick lit a set of Tesla candles powered by Teslectricity, a new form of electricity that Musk had patented. The lights shimmered and flickered as if the candles were about to explode any second.

Orange light shined on the surface of the water bubbling in the hot tub. “It’s growing warm in here,” Rick said, fanning himself with his strong yet elegant hand. “I think I need to remove a few layers. Excuse me, E, while I change into something other than my iconic lab coat.”

Rick disappeared into another room and returned a few minutes later, wearing only a bathrobe. Elon rubbed the back of his neck as he found himself sweating. Suddenly, the temperature seemed to have increased a hundred degrees.

“I believe that I will also remove a few layers,” E stated. “Excuse me for a moment.”

E disappeared into the same room, which had several robes and outfits in his size just in case he lost his clothes for some weird reason. The room also held outfits for other prominent male scientists, plus Dan Harmon. The room had no clothing for womenfolk because they’re gross and dumb.

When Elon returned, Rick sat on the edge of the hot tub, drawing circles in the surface of the water with his toe as he swirled the remainder of the wine in his glass. His eyes were lowered with an expression that one could almost consider lustful–his thoughts full of girlies, no doubt, even though they scarcely deserved a moment of his attention.

“I’m thinking about taking a dip in the hot tub,” Rick said. “Would you care to join me?”

“Of course,” E said, already removing his robe. “I desire nothing else in this moment.”

—

HAHA noobs, you thought you had it all figured out, didn’t you? You thought this was going to lead to some gay shit? Well, I’ll tell you what happens. Rick and Elon PLATONICALLY sit in the hot tub together. That’s all that they do. And they talk about all the babes that they’re going to make out with when Rick gets his crap on Pluto set up. Yeah, that’s right, libpukes: Rick likes GIRLS even though they’re stupid and dumb and don’t understand Rick and Morty! No one will ever understand Rick Sanchez like I do! Not Elon Musk, despite his unfathomable brilliance! Not Dan Harmon, despite his magnificent beard! No one but me, Steve White, the man of every scientist’s dreams!

Anyway, I just proved to you that the woke crowd took over the writers’ room and made Rick something he’s not. This story is more accurate and in character than every episode from seasons 5-7 put into a blender, spun around and spewed onto a plate like a horse vomit smoothie. Rick was once a manly, masculine man–a man’s man, you might say–before they turned him into a twink like they’re challenging the audience to jerk off to him.

I told the guys in my Elon Musk server “Wow, Rick and Morty has been a real jerkoff machine lately, huh?” and they said “No? Not really?” and I said “What show are you watching? Rick and Morty has been a total jerkoff machine” and one guy said “Yeah, I agree with you, I jack it to Rick on the regular” and I said “Haha, I was just fucking with you guys! It was another social experiment! I’m a master manipulator! I’m the real-life Rick! What’s gay about what I said? While you queers jack it to Rick in a gay way, I’m going to jack off to Rick to PROVE TO MYSELF that I’m STRAIGHT!!!”

I got banned from the server for a week, and I had so much time on my hands that I decided I’d pop back in and give Tumblr another textual ass-crushing. The server’s going to be so proud of me when I tell them what I did. Elon would be proud. Dan Harmony-to-my-ears would be proud. And Rick would DEFINITELY be proud. If my Rick Sanchez body pillow were animated, he’d look directly into my eyes and whisper to me as tears of joy stream down my face.

Oh my God, forget it. Why am I still wasting my time with you idiots? You have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty.

[georgi-girl]

Trolls Character Fusions

I love the idea of trolls fusing together through dance like in Steven Universe. 

Here are some Troll fusions I thought of. Some of which are inspired by SU fusions. Note that when trolls from the same tribe fuse, they just become a bigger troll. When trolls from different tribes fuse, they gain extra limbs and appendages. 

Poppy + Branch = Treetop: Violet skin, dark purple hair streaked with rainbow colors, left eye is blue, right eye is pink. Name is inspired by another fan fusion on Deviantart. Treetop use plural pronouns, and their cloths are similar to Poppy’s “hippie” outfit in the TWT climax; crop top, bell bottoms, snazzy leaf jacket. They’re inspired by SU fusion Stevonie, they even have their own jungle adventure. Personality is both adventurous and cautious. Their preferred song style is Broadway showtunes, such as Let Me Entertain You and Seasons of Love. 

Quincy + Essence = Quintessence: Blue and violet stripes divided by metal tinsel with a magnificent hairdo. Uses plural pronouns. Clothes are gold and silver robes. Heavily inspired by Garnet, I even imagine them to be voiced by Estelle. Personality is calm at all times. Preferred song style is classic R&B. 

Cooper + Darnel = DC: Giant pink Funk troll with gold and silver tinsel. Dreadlocks are short on one side and long on the other. Uses he/him pronouns. Sounds like both brothers speaking at once. Personality is impulsive and super friendly. Basically, a long-necked puppy. Preferred song style is Hip Hop (of course) 

Snack Pack (Bigs, Smidge, Guy, Fuzzbert, Suki, Satin, Chenille, Cooper + Darnell) = Prism: Every bodypart is a different color. Blue torso, pink head, yellow left arm, orange right arm, red left leg, silver right leg. Has two extra limbs that are pink on the left, blue on the right.  Hair resembles a colorful pinwheel. Uses plural pronouns. Likes to scuttle around on all six limbs like a bug. Mad Hatter-type personality. Often repeats themself and talks to themself. Poppy and Branch will sometimes join the fusion, and Prism will become longer and extra segmented. Their clothing is a colorful one-piece disco suit. 

Poppy + Barb = PopRocks: Two queens that want to prove themselves in different ways, this fusion is reserved for emergencies. Black skin with pink freckles and pink eyes. Extra long mohawk that starts out red and fades to pink. Three arms, two on the right side. Uses she/her pronouns. Her clothing is a blue tube top and leather shorts. Personality is bombastic and unpredictable. Speaks in a Yiddish Brooklyn accent. Preferred song style is poprock ballads, hence the name. Inspired by Smokey Quartz from SU. 

Darnel + Trollex = Tritan: any fusion between Funk and Techno resembles a Chinese water dragon. Tritan has purple and lilac stripes with long flowing teal hair. He uses he/him pronouns. His personality is cheerful and playful. Song style is eighties movie soundtracks. 

Val Thundershock + Gust Tumbleweed = Sherrif Storm: (because gust, thunder, you get it) Country Rock centaur with orange skin, purple hair and black haunches. Uses both she/he pronouns. Very passionate, sometimes overzealous. Favorite song is Hoedown Throwdown. 

Minuet + Blaze = Figuero: Inspired by Sardonyx from SU. Very tall, and elegant, with yellow skin and purple curly hair. Clothing resembles a black tuxedo. Has four eyes and bat wings. Very showy and stylish, like a magician. Uses she/him pronouns. Song style is classic rock (lots of Chuck Barry and Buddy Holly) 

Brozone Fusion = Brother Blue. However different the individual brothers are, their fusion is the most quintessentially chilled-out dudebro. He’s blue, with five colored hair arranged from oldest to youngest. He’s got aspects of every Brozone member, such as JD’s goggles and Floyd’s earring. He’s voiced by Jerry Trainor and calls everyone Bro or Bra. Song style is (naturally) boy band songs. 

Trollstopia Fusion (Synth, Laguna, Dante, Minuet, Gust, Holly, Milton, Meadow, Rythm, Blues, Lownote, Demo, Val, Blaze) = Spectrum. All the tribes combined into a six-armed, Bergen-sized giant. Skin color changes depending on mood. Hair resembles the Lady GlitterSparkles wig, except it waves around like octopus tentacles. Inspired by Fluorite from SU; laidback personality and slow way of speaking. Uses all the pronouns. Song style is any style. 

More to come later on. 

[valentinoappreciator]

Here is the (for me, lol) long awaited Draal fic that I began working on this morning❤️

Based on an RP with my lovely girlfriend. No warnings, but be advised that Draal has a cock piercing in this piece 👀 pry that headcanon from my cold, dead hands lmao

Media: Trollhunters (Tales of Arcadia)

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Draal the Deadly / Female!Reader

Warnings: Not Applicable

Additional tags: cock piercing, huge cock, rough sex, vaginal sex

Where else to find: AO3 (username TheWeirdDane, title To Train A Trollhunter) link below https://archiveofourown.org/works/44529901

Since tumblr has implemented a text-character limit per post, I'm forced to just give you a glimpse :(

Enjoy the filth, my lovelies!

----------------------------

So apparently there was an entire society living beneath the solid pavement, asphalt, and humans’ feet. This society was made up of trolls, gnomes, and a whole slew of other creatures that you had no idea about just yet.

You had been declared something known as the Trollhunter - an important figure amongst the trolls. The Trollhunter was someone who protected good trolls and humans alike from the bad trolls, known as Gumm-Gumms.

However, having a human Trollhunter wasn’t something that most of the trolls were keen on. When your mentor - Blinkous Galadrigal, known as Blinky - explained the situation to a particularly angry troll, you momentarily feared that this other troll would kill you on the spot.

It spoke with a man’s voice, was a good deal taller than you, had spikes protruding from his back, and had truly magnificent horns on the top of his head. His body was a certain hue of teal, and he had a piercing in his triangular nose.

He snorted in your direction before turning his attention to Blinky who stood steadfast.

“This is our new Trollhunter? Bushigal! I’m the rightful heir!”

“With the proper training, Draal, she—“

The troll - named Draal, apparently - rolled his eyes and poked a short, wide finger into your chest. You took a step back, swallowing hard.

He was right. Whatever ‘bushigal’ meant, she was not meant to be the Trollhunter. There had to be some kind of mistake!

“Please, Blinky, he’s right,” you said, looking to your mentor.

“On the contrary. The amulet called to you. This is your destiny. Don’t mind him, come, your training awaits you.”

Blinky calmly walked towards the tunnel leading to the Hero’s Forge. You had trained here a few times already, but the grandiosity of the place never ceased to amaze you.

However, as you walked, you had the uncanny feeling of being watched; the small hairs on the back of your neck and on your arms stood on end. Your neck prickled. But as you looked over your shoulder, you couldn’t see anyone.

It was just Blinky and you.

“He won’t let it go, will he?” you asked quietly and donned your armour while Blinky started the machine.

“Doubtfully,” he answered in a serious, matter-of-factly way.

You had only trained for a few minutes before the gate to the arena opened. Already breathing hard from the exertion of fighting while wearing the armour, you looked to the entrance - and your heart dropped.

Draal waltzed in like he owned the place. Wearing a smug grin on his face and a kilt around his waist, he walked up to Blinky and you.

“Draal, you’re interfering in important Trollhunter business,” Blinky said firmly while you swallowed hard. Why had Draal followed you?

“That’s precisely why I’m here, Blinky,” Draal replied and sounded way too smug. “I thought I might offer my assistance to the Trollhunter, as a sparring partner.”

“Sp-sparring partner?” you whispered shakily, looking to Blinky.

“That’s preposterous, Draal, she’s still in her early training. She does not yet have the skills to hope to match your… vigorous fighting style.”

Draal laughed boisterously.

“Are you admitting that your little fleshbag protégé isn’t a good enough Trollhunter?”

“Hey! I’m trying my best here,” you exclaimed, puffing out your chest. Draal snorted and glanced at you. There was contempt and disdain in his eyes, like you were nothing more than a worm, and certainly not worthy of him.

Then why was he so hellbent on training you? Something wasn’t adding up.

Blinky was uncomfortably silent.

He could not be considering this.

“Blinky,” you practically pleaded, bringing urgency into your voice, and glanced at Draal who crossed his arms over his broad chest. “You can’t seriously be considering this!”

Blinky looked immensely torn, tapping his many fingers together.

“Well, you could do with some more rigorous and practical training,” he said, but made sure to avoid your gaze.

Your blood froze, and you were pretty sure you exhaled sharply.

“Then it’s settled,” Draal grinned.

[bisexualbumblebee-writes]

Of Princes and Witches (Rewrite) Chapter 5- Legolas Greenleaf x OC

Legolas Greenleaf x Alphine Barrowes

Description: The Fellowship is cornered in Balin's tomb in Moria, but once they manage to escape they must deal with something far worse than any Orc or cave troll.

Word Count: 2.5k

“Let me risk a little more light,” Gandalf muttered, holding up his staff. Light shone on the cavern, allowing everyone to see their surroundings better. The cavern was filled with beautiful and ornate columns stretching as far as the eye could see. Alphine gasped in awe as she looked around, barely hearing Gandalf speak. 

“Behold the great realm and Dwarf city of Dwarrowdelf.”

“There’s an eye opener for sure,” Sam muttered, sounding like he was in awe just as Alphine was. As the Fellowship made their way through the magnificent city the Witch’s amazement only increased. It was like she’d stepped inside of a painting. It was haunting yet still beautiful, and she almost felt bad for even being there to only muck it all up. 

She didn’t tear her gaze away until she heard Gimli exclaim before running off to a room in front of them. Gandalf called his name urgently, but the Dwarf paid him no mind. Alphine’s brows furrowed in concern and she barely spared a glance to the rest of her companions before she followed him. Once inside she was met with Gimli kneeling in front of what looked to be a tomb in the center of the room.

“No, no, no,” the Dwarf muttered in anguish as he bowed his head. The rest of the Fellowship spilled in behind them, though Gandalf was the only one who walked all the way up to the tomb. 

“Here lies Balin, son of Fundin, Lord of Moria,” he read aloud as he removed his hat respectfully, which earned a miserable cry from Gimli. “He is dead then. It’s as I feared.” 

“Oh, Gimli,” Alphine muttered sympathetically as she pressed a comforting hand to the Dwarf’s shoulder. Gimli merely clutched her tunic as he continued to cry. The Witch rubbed his back soothingly while watching as Gandalf passed his hat and staff to Pippin. He picked up a large book, which sat in a skeleton’s hands, and opened it. Several pages fell out of it, but he paid them no mind as he began reading aloud. 

“They have taken the bridge and the second hall. We have barred the gates, but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes. Drums in the deep. We cannot get out. A shadow moves in the dark. We cannot get out. They are coming.” Alphine looked around nervously, not liking what she was hearing. Her eyes found Legolas’ after a moment and he seemed to share her sense of thought because he leaned closer to Aragorn. 

“We must move on, we cannot linger,” he muttered. Aragorn had no time to respond before a sudden and loud clanging sound shot through the mines. All heads turned to the source, where they saw Pippin standing beside the well in the tomb. A headless skeleton sat on the well, which gave Alphine the impression that the skull was what caused the noise. She opened her mouth to say something but was stopped when the rest of the skeleton and the chains it held fell into the well too. It bounced all the way down, echoing throughout the mines just as its head did. Everyone held their breath as they waited for any sort of response, but after a moment of silence they were able to relax. Well, most of them. 

“Fool of a Took,” Gandalf snapped (borderline shouted more accurately), slamming the book closed and setting it down before snatching back his hat and staff. “Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!” 

“He obviously did not mean to do it,” Alphine snapped before she could stop herself. “He is still just a child!” Normally she would never speak in such a way to a mentor (former or otherwise), but just couldn’t help herself. She understood that this was a stressful time, but she also knew that Pippin was the youngest of the Fellowship at just twenty-nine (he wasn’t even technically an adult by Hobbit standards!) and wasn’t as knowledgeable about the dangers they could be in. 

“Perhaps you should throw yourself in as well if you wish to baby him,” the Wizard retorted. The Witch’s eyes hardened and she opened her mouth to respond, but everyone paused when they suddenly heard a drum. Everyone looked around, then Sam called Frodo’s name while staring at the boy’s sword. Frodo unsheathed it, realizing it was glowing blue, before a distant screech was heard. 

“Orcs,” Legolas muttered urgently. Boromir wasted no time in running to the doors of the tomb. Just as he reached it two arrows suddenly flew past his head, narrowly missing him as they landed in the door. Aragorn pulled out his sword then faced the Hobbits. 

“Get back! Stay close to Gandalf and Alphine,” he instructed before running to the door to help Boromir barr it after he managed to close it. The Hobbits did as he said and moved to the Witch and Wizard’s sides. 

“They have a cave troll,” Boromir called exasperatedly. His declaration in turn caused Gandalf to put one arm around the Hobbits while the other unsheathed his sword. Alphine, meanwhile, opted to step in front of them protectively, preparing whatever spell she might need to protect them. As Legolas threw axes to help Boromir and Aragorn barr the door, the Hobbits opted to copy Gandalf in pulling out their own weapons. The door shook with the force as it began being battered from the other side. Alphine heard Gimli growl as he suddenly hopped up on top of Balin’s tomb. 

“Let them come!” He exclaimed as he pulled out his axe. “There’s still one Dwarf yet in Moria who still draws breath!” Boromir, Aragorn and Legolas stood back with their weapons at the ready. All eyes stayed on the door as it continued to shake before it finally started to give way. As soon as he saw an opening Legolas shot an arrow, earning a pained screech from the Orc that was trying to get in. Aragorn followed his lead, receiving the same reaction before the door finally broke. 

Orcs upon Orcs piled in and the battle had begun. Alphine, as usual, threw spell after spell at the attackers, successfully felling multiple Orcs at a time. Just as she pulled out her sword to fight between spells, she paused upon hearing a rumbling sound. Everyone else copied her and faced the door, where the rumbling was coming from. A large cave troll entered, bashing the walls with its fists with a great loud roar. Legolas wasted no time in firing an arrow into its chest, though it barely paid any mind as it noticed Sam. It raised its club as if preparing to strike. 

“Sam, duck!” The Witch yelled frantically. She sighed in relief when Sam dove through the troll’s legs, effectively confusing it. 

Aragorn and Boromir were quick to grab the chain around the troll’s neck, beginning to yank it. The Troll stumbled back before swinging around to face them. Boromir unfortunately wasn’t as quick in letting go of the chain, which made him the troll’s target. Alphine quickly lifted her hands and threw a binding spell at its legs, which tripped it up. The Witch barely had time to process the troll whipping around and swinging its club at her. All she remembered was being hit, sending her flying into a nearby wall. 

Her head and heart were pounding as she shakily attempted to stand. She heard an Orc screech right beside her, but by the time she faced it, it had fallen down dead. At first she stared at it confusedly before looking around, seeing Boromir standing beside her with his hand out, ready to help her up. He must have been the one to take the Orc down. Alphine took his hand without hesitation and stood up

“Are you alright?” The Man asked quickly, concern swimming in his eyes. The Witch only nodded, ignoring the warm liquid beginning to run down her temple from a small gash she’d received after hitting the wall, and continued her fight as Legolas attempted to take the troll down. 

The next few minutes were spent with her continuing to fight. She was growing weary, which worried her, though she refused to stop. That is, until she heard Frodo suddenly cry out in pain. Upon turning around Alphine was met with the terrifying sight of the poor Hobbit with a stake in his chest, courtesy of the troll. 

“Frodo!” She and Sam screamed at the same time, both beginning to fight their way towards him from their own places in the tomb. Merry and Pippin jumped onto the troll’s back, beginning to stab at it. It reached up and grabbed Merry, dangling him by his legs for a moment before throwing him to the ground. The Witch shot a cushioning spell at the Hobbit, which eased his impact on the ground, as Gimli began attacking the troll. The creature wasted no time in swiping it to the ground, but Gandalf used that to his advantage in order to begin attacking it as well. Legolas suddenly moved to stand in front of the troll and shot an arrow directly into its mouth. That seemed to finally be enough to take the beast down, but Alphine didn’t stick around to watch it as she rushed over to Frodo. 

“Oh, Frodo,” she gasped worriedly, carefully moving him to lay in her lap as the ground shook under them when the troll finally fell. “Oh no.” She heard Aragorn run up behind them as she pressed a gentle hand to the Hobbit’s face. It seemed that that touch alone was enough to rouse Frodo because he suddenly gasped and groaned as his eyes shot open. The Witch’s eyes widened in shock as Sam ran over, landing on his knees beside them. 

“He’s alive,” he exclaimed, relieved. Frodo held his chest while he sat up with Alphine’s help, looking around. 

“I’m alright. I’m not hurt,” he reassured the others, who had since gathered around him after hearing Sam’s exclamation. Aragorn just shook his head in disbelief. 

“You should be dead. That spear would have skewered a wild boar.” 

“I think there’s more to this Hobbit than meets the eye,” Gandalf responded. No one could question him before Frodo parted his shirt, revealing a silver shirt intricately woven.

“Mithril!” Gimli exclaimed in awe. “You are full of surprises, Master Baggins!” The others smiled in relief, but then paused when they heard distant screeching. 

“To the Bridge of Khazad-Dum,” Gandalf instructed quickly. 

Without protest everyone stood and raced out of the tomb, though they were quickly stopped when they became surrounded by Orcs. They were forced to stop, glancing around themselves unsurely, but they still held their weapons at the ready. A great roar was suddenly heard from an archway at the opposite end of the hall as it began to grow red. The Orcs looked amongst themselves worriedly, then screeched in terror and scattered after another roar rang out above them. One last roar sounded as the Fellowship faced the arch. It all but glowed red as whatever creature made the roar grew closer. 

“What is this new devilry?” Boromir asked lowly. 

“A Balrog, a demon of the ancient world,” the Wizard answered after a moment. “It is a foe beyond any of you. Run!” 

The Fellowship did as he said. With Boromir at the front the group raced through the intricate hallways. The Man raced ahead, practically sprinting down some steps before being forced to come to an abrupt stop as the steps ended above a great cavern. Alphine were quick to reach him and pull him back before Gandalf spoke. 

“Lead them on, Aragorn. The bridge is near!” He instructed urgently, pushing the Man when he didn’t do anything at first. “Do as I say! Swords are of no more use here.” 

The Fellowship continued their journey through the mines, turning right and running down the steps in front of them. They suddenly reached a gap in the staircase, much too wide for them to step over. Alphine held Samwise back when he couldn’t stop in time, then gasped when Legolas jumped the gap. She was relieved when he landed safely then looked back at the others expectantly. Before anyone could do anything another roar was heard behind them before the roof began to crumble. 

“Gandalf!” Legolas called, beckoning the Wizard. The Wizard jumped over the gap and joined Legolas, who helped him catch his balance. 

Arrows fired out of the air, narrowly missing Boromir, Merry and Pippin. Alphine was quick to begin firing spells of wispy golden arrows at the Orcs that were shooting at them to give the others some time. It hit one in the head, which gave Boromir enough time to grab Merry and Pippin under each arm and jump over the gap. As they did so a greater chunk of the steps they stood on fell away, shaking the staircase. Alphine continued to shoot at Orcs, successfully taking them down, as Aragorn picked Same up and threw him across the gap. The Hobbit landed in the arms of Boromir, who set him down safely behind him. 

“Nobody tosses a Dwarf!” Gimli yelled while holding a hand up to Aragorn when the Man faced him. With that he took a mighty lip, though it almost wasn’t enough as he began teetering on the edge of the other side. Legolas reached out to stop him from falling by grabbing his beard and pulling him to safety. Alphine managed to kill one more Orc before she felt a hand on the small of her back. 

“Alphine, go!” The girl didn’t protest and instead allowed him to guide her to jump over the gap, landing safely in Legolas’ awaiting grasp. Everyone faced Aragorn and Frodo, who were still on the other side as more steps began to fall away. Aragorn threw the Hobbit further up the steps to safety as even more steps fell into the chasm. The gap had become too wide to jump, which worried Alphine as Frodo wobbled on his feet. The Man stood quickly and held Frodo’s back, yelling at him to hold on. 

The doorway entrance behind them began to glow red and a great roar emitted from behind it.  The doorway and roof above crumbled, and a great chunk of rock fell from the roof into the staircase behind Aragorn and Frodo, creating another great gap. They became isolated on the staircase, which made Alphine gasp as the column the boys stood on began to crack, causing the staircase to sway. After a fright filled minute of swaying Aragorn yelled at Frodo to lean forward. They leaned forward in sync which caused the staircase to fall forward towards the rest of the Fellowship. 

Both Legolas and Alphine held out their arms, which allowed them to catch Aragorn and Frodo respectively. The girl sighed in relief as she held the Hobbit close to her before she followed everyone down the remaining staircase, just barely missing it falling into the chasm below once they were off it. And with that they were running through the various hallways once again.

[thessalian]

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My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Thess vs TLoVM Ep. 5

And now time for Ep. 5!

“I can get some things at Gilmore’s”, you said, didn’t you, Vax? Guess you forgot about the fact that the guards didn’t get the memo from Jarett yet.

Did you idiots really not think Gilmore had a security system?!? I thought they were going to, like... Yeah, actually at least leave an IOU!

Vax, Gilmore, get a roooooooom. I really do have to wonder if they always just flirted or if they ever got it on. Just the once. Just a little canoodle. You know, for a treat.

“I have a magnificent bitch face.” Well, I guess they haven’t got to the “the arrows were totally flirting” part yet? Well, given he couldn’t make the explosive arrow ‘cos of a lack of Victor...

“Zippertwat”. Yeah, not an image I needed either.

Grog doesn’t get metaphor, does he. I wonder if some of the writing with Grog being a bit infantalised was them allowing for Grog to ... not have Pike to lean on and have to grow up a bit?

Of course the fucking creepy wood is full of pitcher plants. And... Nonono nothing that sounds cute and helpless is going to be in-- yeah. Yeah, okay WHICH OF THE ANIMATORS HAS BEEN PLAYING TOO MUCH SILENT HILL?!?

Keyleth vine-bridge NICE.

“Did you just ‘HYAH’ me?!?” Yeah, they talk like a D&D party.

Wow. Kiki goes proto-Minxie! COOL.

SCANLAN YOU FUCKING TROLL! Another one where I was wondering why this tiny snippet was on the soundtrack.

Yeah, but ... okay, the holy water’s a lost cause, but what about the scrolls and arrows and stuff? Couldn’t you find a way down the cliff and-- OH THAT IS JUST NOT FUCKING FAIR. Also someone really has been playing way too much Silent Hill. Like, way too much. All of the too much. (There might be a tiny bit of envy.)

Wait. Wait, why are they being so nice to the little blonde-- Wait, that’s a symbol of the Everlight-- oh. Oh no. Wait, those people have to be from out of town or they’d have been way more scared. Then again, wouldn’t they have been pretty scared just walking through town, if they didn’t know it well? I get why they had to show us it, and I get they wanted to yank the heartstrings, but that moment - the moment this is foreshadowing - yanked the heartstrings enough without Adorable Little Girl stuff. Or at least instead of guileless innocence, she could have been scared and have Delilah try to put her at her ease. Let’s see ... written by Jennifer Muro. Looking at her back catalogue, I guess I can see why she’d go that route, but ... I think it was a tiny bit ... much. I mean, I can run with it? But it might have been more powerful if it had been “scared little girl put at her ease by the woman who was going to betray and murder her later”. Nice echo of her getting close to the de Rolos and ... well, later de Rolo-related situations.

This is how he’s going to go triceratops?!? AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ah, flirting, sibling jealousy, drama. The classics. And a good set-up for the relationships that we haven’t had as much time for as we might have liked. It would have been nice to see them in the keep more for that very reason, but they have a set number of episodes, so this’ll do.

Ooh! Bonding over kills! Hi, Hotis! Hi, poor duregar! I ... vaguely remember Grog doing something like that but I don’t remember what he did it to. Oh gods, Scanlan! I’m not as horrified about what she did as I am at what he didn’t do! You don’t just lie there and let the woman do all the work! You’re tarnishing your reputation as a lover! ...That aside, this is a nice way of not only giving some indication of the things they’ve done but to throw in the whole Hotis-as-Gilmore nightmare in later seasons. Or season. I don’t see them cancelling at the end of the two contracted seasons, but ... y’know.

It’s really a shame that there aren’t names on the-- Oh. Oh, there are the names on the Pepperbox. I guess I figured they were more ... obvious than that. Still, dramatic reveals.

Aw, Percy, you’ve got people at your back and are accepting them... aaaaaaaaaannd given how hard seeing your home like that would hit, not before time!

“Big thing there; there, big thing” TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH, Scanlan! That was a glorious shot. (Look, I did Film Studies and TV Studies; framing, mise-en-scene, mise-en-place etc are my jam. This thing has some beautifully framed scenes.)

Also, I did enough music lessons to consistently catch the important leitmotifs. I admit a part of me had kind of hoped that they might hire on Colm McGuinness, because a gig like that would set him on the map, but Neal Acree has got it going on. He fits so well with the overall narrative and visual structures.

...Oh. They did it. God, that scene has never left me. It’s ... somehow more horrible seeing it. I mean, Matt’s description chilled me to the bone, but ... seeing it is worse.

“It’s us.” On black. Perfect. I mean, horrible and horrifying and grimdark and all that, but narratively perfect.

And yeah, I think I’m going to wait until there are more episodes in the queue before I move on to ep 6. That’s ... the place to pause. Besides, I want to watch these ones over again to make a more thorough dissection. Look, I was lucky; people who study this stuff in school - how to tear apart a piece of media like a necroscopy specimen, I mean - either hate it and refuse to ever do it again if they can avoid it (even if they do often wind up saying “praise the meta” more often than a person who really just wants to take a work of art in its entirety without doing some digging), or they love it and make it serve their love of the piece ... if the piece is worthy.

This piece is worthy. I want to understand it. That means poking at it lots.

...Of course, now I’m wondering if I should do this with Arcane, too. I have thoughts about Arcane.

35 notes - Posted February 5, 2022

#4

Thess vs TLoVM Ep 2

Here we go again...

Of course they go for the obvious creepy dude. Nice to know we’re still living the stereotype. (No, seriously, that particular trope has its place. But if they did the tiniest bit of research on what kind of intelligence blue dragons have, they might rethink that. But that’s audience talking and they don’t have access to the Monster Manual. Given the attempts at appeasement suggested, I totally get why they went there. Which is better than it being just because he looks creepy.)

Gilmore is allowed to be glorious with a paunch! THANK YOU!

Oh, the innuendo! I am living for it.

“It’s just a damn door!” Yeah - liked it when it was a preview snippet, still like it now. Most parties have that problem, Vex; learn to live with it.

I guess no one’s figured out that Favoured Prey means you sense the actual prey, not people working for the prey.

Not sure what I’m more amused about - the Tiamat carpet, or the painting of a red tiefling woman who’s almost certainly the Ruby of the Sea. I mean, at least “Tiamat worshipper” is a possibility for Krieg now but I still want to know how they think Vex is sensing ‘some dragon’s flunky’. Still, I guess they don’t have the PHB.

“Did he just say ‘we’?” THANK YOU, PERCY.

That is a pretty good transformation sequence, gotta say.

“A tickle. Let me return the favour.” YES. THIS IS WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. DAVID TENNANT YOU MAD GLORIOUS BASTARD.

Nice lead-up to the dragon’s weak spot! And kudos to the animators for making that particular weak spot something we saw from the very beginning!

Also, for those who complain about the animation “not being that great”? (Because, unbelievably, I have seen a few.) Dudes, have you seen basically any anime? Or, hell, most cartoons of the 80s and 90s? Animation is a lot of work and this took way fewer (or at least way less obvious) shortcuts than the animation of my day. Yeah, fine, I’m old, but you know what that means? That means I actually appreciate this kind of thing. Just go actually sit down and watch an original episode of Transformers or GI Joe or something; look at what I grew up with. Then tell me they didn’t work hard enough. Also, if they’d drawn every single frame from scratch, we wouldn’t see this series until 2030. STOP ASSUMING THAT ART IS EASY AND FAST. IT IS NEITHER.

They actually kept “I would like to rage!!!”? In character?!? AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!

Yeah. Yeah, that was a D&D combat. No question.

Hi Matt. I know a lot of people were holding out for Matt voicing Gilmore, but a) it’s nice to have a POC voicing a POC (hell, it’s nice to have POC voicing white people for a change, when it’s so often the other way around) and b) ...honestly, no one but Matt could do Sylas Briarwood justice.

I ... almost want to wait for Episode 3. Just because this feels like a better pause point between the ‘session zero’ episodes and the Briarwood arc. I mean, I get why they released it this way - cliffhangers are a thing, and there are a lot of people, some who’ve even watched Critical Role but missed Campaign 1 for some reason, who have no idea what’s coming - but for me, who actually knows what’s up? I think I’ll wait. Unless I don’t. Honestly, I just need a comfier chair. Or, like, the sofa. I should probably invest in a Kindle TV stick or something so I can watch from the sofa.

42 notes - Posted January 29, 2022

#3

Thess vs TLoVM Ep. 4

Okay, here we go, Ep 4. ‘Cos this gives me nightmares and ideas all at once.

(Pity my players.)

I like Allura intervening, but not intervening too much. I mean, it is weird, isn’t it, if you actually are capable of thinking about it? How yeah, they’re uncouth, unmannered and yeah, there was a fight, but ... you’d think that if Vox Machina were the instigators, they’d have sustained somewhat ... less damage.

You’re putting Vox Machina under house arrest and expecting them to stay there? I hope she’s got good guards for this...

See? SEE? I told you the book-stealing was going to be a thing! When Sylas Briarwood is grinning like that over “the means to get them back”, it’s going to be horrible. ...in that “my wife is a powerful necromancer and priestess of the Whispered One and everything she does is wonderful especially when it makes people scream in torment” sort of way...

So they took all the weapons - including Percy’s unique ranged weapon ... and they left his workshop. They’d have a way harder time carrying shit out of there if they’d taken every means Percy has of making a weapon. ...Also, Pike’s issues notwithstanding, MAGIC IS A THING. At least they took Scanlan’s lute, I guess?

This was an actual thing, wasn’t it, Pike’s trying to get the Everlight’s blessing renewed? It was similar to this, but not as ... heartbreaking. Though given what I was saying about casters, this is one of those moments where Keyleth’s going to be put under pressure to shine.

“...I withdraw the question”. I mean, funny, yes, but even funnier when remembering that vampirism was on the cards for Vax if the others had been even the slightest bit slower.

I noticed this in the comic as well, but I’ll say it again, ‘cos it’s carried over: Sam played Scanlan largely for comedy for so long, or seemed to, that it’s easy to forget what a bard is ... or more specifically, what a bard has. Both the comics and this series remember that a bard has Jack of All Trades, and a Lore bard (which Scanlan is) tend to lean into that on the ... well, lore side. In the comics, it was figuring out that their attackers weren’t from the Clasp because of a lack of distinguishing mark. In TLoVM? Translation. (Also if we’re looking towards the Vecna arc, puts him nicely in line for the blessing of Ioun. Whatever they’re calling Ioun in this series.)

One thing the writers did right is the Sylas / Delilah relationship. Now that we’re seeing things the players don’t, we have to really understand the “I broke the world for us” thing, and ... yeah. Also, graveyard. Necromancy weirdness. Oh shit. WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

(Wait. Given creatures of the night and all, how literally is “Keyleth’s time to shine” going to be? I mean, I do recall Marisha’s “I want to make him eat a bag of holy dicks” moment...)

Keyleth unable to cast Daylight in a time of minor inconvenience but not great need. That’s a set-up to “Keyleth calls Daylight at pivotal moment”. (Look, I don’t remember if that happened on stream; I just know my narrative beats and I appreciate when they can be leaned into like you’re ticking off a TV Tropes checklist and still have it be epic when it happens.)

Remember when I hoped Allura had very smart guards? I should have taken into account they take their orders from Allura. That gives them a +3 to any and all INT-based rolls.

Okay, fine, that’s a staple of all good horror movies, the lights going out and strange noises and shadows in the corner of the eye... But they still made it terrifying.

“The ashes of my ancestors.” ...oh fucking hell, Grog... I mean, okay, he makes up for it. Eventually. I mean, like, really eventually. I remember Grog being ... at least more emotionally present than this!

Was Matt just every single one of the guards except for Jarett?

Also THAT IS HORRIFYING JESUS CHRIST.

You locked Percy in his workshop? Well, I guess even with the Allura bonus, you can still critfail.

...Yeah. Yeah, this is “SUMMONS SUN AT CRITICAL MOMENT” set-up dialled up to eleven. Still touching as fuck. Also ... is he building Bad News? *looks carefully* YES. YES HE IS HELLO BAD NEWS. (Wait. Does this mean they’re gonna have the bit where Scanlan throws Pepperbox in the acid? YAY!)

Yes. Matt voiced every single guard except for Jarett. Also, when the bear is upset and it’s not at you, and given what that bear has seen? PAY ATTENTION TO THE BE-- okay, no, never mind.

The next person who complains that the animation “isn’t all that great” is getting slapped. By me. GODS THIS IS AWFUL. Somehow it’s worse with animation. It’s more immediate when everything is on the same ... wavelength, I guess? There’s no fake blood on real skin; it’s just all the same thing. It all being ‘fake’ means that if you’re invested enough, it’s all real, with no juxtaposition between real and not. Also, yeah. Nightmares and ideas. WITNESS ME.

“They want the book!” Your brother took it out of a portable necromancy shrine, and these are light-hating undead. The word I have for you, Vex’halia, is “DOY!”

Dude. You can see the light streaming from the eyes of these things as they come down from the ceiling NO ONE SAYS ONE BAD WORD ABOUT THE ANIMATION EVER AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME?!?

Rabbit. Plus antlers. JACKALOPE KEYLETH!

“A trigger? Ew.” Well, you get over it fast, I’ll give you that, Ms Ballistics Snob.

Okay, when’re they going to sneak in through-- *thump* AAAAAAAAA! I have no other words for the Keyleth Exorcist moment. HOLY FUCK.

“WHY. CAN’T. I. HIT YOU?!?” Now see, that’s Grog.

Pike spits at these spectre-things. Nice set-up for her basically threatening gods in defense of her friends.

GO JARETT!

See the full post

47 notes - Posted February 4, 2022

#2

So ... basically Squeenix is turning away from the players who play to have fun (they put it in scare quotes, guys), in order to cater to people who are perfectly happy to farm crypto for them. Among other scary things.

I know the last FFXIV patch was exciting for everybody, but you might want to take a good hard look at what Square Enix is doing right now and side-eye their upcoming offerings really fucking hard. Because this? If people don’t foam at the mouth about this coming from Square Enix, how far do you think companies like Activision Blizzard and EA will take it?

362 notes - Posted January 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Only Tumblr could see a mistranslated bit of Russian on a shoe about a nonexistent Scorcese movie, proceed to make almost every bit of evidence that the movie exists, and then engage in convincing cinema discourse about it to the exclusion of almost everything other than “Man, those Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel do the City Guy dirty”.

No one will ever make an actual algorithm work on this site, because the list of things that we will hype without so much as a nod to The New Hotness existing so far goes:

Sea Shanties

Old Edgar Allen Poe stories

Pre-serum Steve Rogers cooking weird old recipes on TikTok

Loony Tunes Gender Discourse (like, literally gender analysis of Bugs Bunny)

Unsung Historially Important Women

Some guy selling shitty copper in 1750 BCE

A movie almost no one went to see

Hallmark Christmas specials in general (seasonal)

And now we’ve added:

A movie that literally does not exist.

An algorithm wouldn’t stand a chance here. Any attempts at coding one would puke radioactive on first contact with this weird, wonderful website.

2,596 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[quadrant-query]

(QM) Do you ever just get like, weirded out by the fact there are trolls that pity your kismesis? Like, I am so deeply in hate with my kismesis. He's the absolute most detestable troll in the world. He's so perfectly hateable and yet he also has a moirail who pities him as much as I hate him. To be clear I don't have a problem with this. Our relationship has actually stabilized a lot since we both found moirails, since they help us sort out the more toxic shit before we fling it at each other and fight in much less sexy ways. But it blows my mind that she looks at this incredibly, perfectly loathsome troll and finds as much pity in her bloodpusher as I do hate. Really makes you think about the huge diversity of the trollish experience.

I completely understand! The wonders of troll romance can truly be beautiful.

Sometimes the same exact features that you find so pitiable— for instance, a troll’s inability to be honest with others out of fear— can be something another troll finds stupidly detestable.

It’s a strange and magnificent world out there. I think that is probably the reason I will always be extremely interested in romance— even from a logistical, scientific standpoint, it is so incredibly *interesting*!

[prosegalaxy]

"Mythica's Heroes and the Dragon of Love"

In the mystical land of Mythica, dragons soared through the skies, fairies danced among the leaves, and giants roamed the mountains. The kingdom was a harmonious blend of these mythical creatures living alongside humans, who had long forgotten the stories of their own magical heritage. In a small village nestled at the foot of a mountain lived two young lovers, Aria and Kael. Aria was a skilled healer with a kind heart, while Kael was a fierce warrior known for his courage. They were inseparable, but there was one thing that kept them apart: Kael's unyielding determination to prove his worth by defeating the mightiest dragon in the land. One fateful day, an ancient prophecy came to life when a colossal dragon appeared, threatening to bring destruction upon Mythica. The dragon was invincible, its scales shimmered with a protective magic that repelled even the most powerful spells and weapons. Desperate for a solution, the leaders of the kingdom sent out a call for heroes. Aria and Kael, bound by love and duty, decided to face the dragon together. They embarked on a treacherous journey, facing numerous challenges along the way. As they ventured deeper into the mountains, Aria began to uncover her hidden magical abilities, while Kael discovered that his true strength lay in working together with others. As they finally confronted the fearsome dragon, Aria and Kael realized that they could only overcome this obstacle by combining their unique talents. Aria's healing magic, combined with Kael's bravery, allowed them to uncover a vulnerability within the dragon. With the love and trust they had for each other, they defeated the beast and saved Mythica. In that moment, Aria and Kael realized that their love was far more powerful than any force in the world. Together, they had found the strength to overcome even the most insurmountable obstacle. And so, the legend of Aria and Kael spread throughout Mythica, a testament to the power of love and unity in the face of adversity. In Mythica, where dragons, fairies, and giants coexist with humans, young lovers Aria and Kael must join forces to defeat a powerful dragon that threatens their kingdom. Along the journey, they discover each other's hidden talents and the power of love and unity, ultimately defeating the dragon and saving Mythica. Aria stared in awe at the magnificent sight before her. The sky was painted with hues of orange and pink, as the sun dipped below the horizon. Kael, standing beside her, took her hand and smiled reassuringly. They had been on this journey for days, traveling through treacherous terrain and overcoming countless obstacles. Yet, they remained steadfast in their pursuit to save their kingdom from the looming threat of the powerful dragon, Drakoron. As they continued their walk, Aria noticed a faint glow emanating from Kael's palm. Curious, she asked, "What is that light?" Kael frowned slightly. "I found an ancient artifact in my studies, something that has been passed down through generations of our family. It reacts to the presence of great danger and illuminates when a powerful being is near." Aria's eyes widened. "Then we must be close! We have to find Drakoron and end this terror!" The two lovers exchanged determined glances, their hearts pounding with anticipation and courage. Together, they traversed the dense forest, guided by the light of Kael's artifact. They encountered mythical creatures along the way - fairies flitting through the trees, giants guarding secret paths, and even a wise old troll who shared valuable advice. Each encounter strengthened their bond and unveiled hidden talents within both Aria and Kael. Finally, they reached the lair of Drakoron. The ground trembled as the dragon stirred, sensing their presence. But Aria and Kael, hand in hand, faced the fearsome creature with newfound confidence. Their love for one another and the unity of their people shone brighter than the artifact's glow, and Drakoron was vanquished. Mythica was saved, and the kingdom celebrated Aria and Kael as heroes. Through love, unity, and an unwavering determination, they had overcome the most fearsome of creatures, proving that even the mightiest dragon could be conquered when hearts were united. In the magical kingdom of Mythica, two young lovers, Aria and Kael, lived in peace alongside mythical creatures such as dragons, fairies, and giants. However, their peaceful existence was disrupted when an ancient dragon, awakened by dark forces, threatened to destroy the kingdom. The villagers were filled with fear, but Aria and Kael knew they had to face this menace together. As they embarked on their journey, they discovered hidden talents within themselves. Aria, a gentle fairy, found her inner strength and courage, while Kael, a skilled giant, uncovered his ability to communicate with the creatures of Mythica. With every step, their love for each other grew stronger, and so did their determination to save their home. One day, they stumbled upon an old wise giant who provided them with valuable advice: "The key to defeating this powerful dragon lies in the power of unity and love." Inspired by these words, Aria and Kael rallied the kingdom's inhabitants, including dragons, fairies, and giants, to join forces against the common enemy. Together, they marched towards the dragon's lair, their hearts filled with hope and determination. As they approached the lair, Kael whispered to Aria, "Remember, our love is our strength." Hand in hand, they bravely confronted the fearsome dragon. In a moment of pure unity, all the creatures of Mythica raised their voices in a powerful chant, harnessing the power of love and harmony. The dragon, overwhelmed by this display of unity and love, was weakened and eventually defeated. As the smoke cleared, Aria and Kael embraced, knowing they had saved their beloved kingdom. In the end, love and unity had prevailed, proving that no force could stand against them. Mythica was a kingdom of mythical creatures, where dragons soared in the skies, fairies danced among the flowers, and giants roamed the mountains. In this magical land, two young lovers, Aria and Kael, were inseparable. They spent their days exploring the enchanted forests and climbing the majestic peaks together, their hearts filled with love and adventure. One day, a powerful dragon appeared, terrorizing the once-peaceful kingdom. Its fiery breath destroyed everything in its path, leaving the people of Mythica terrified and desperate for salvation. Aria and Kael knew they had to confront the fearsome creature and save their beloved home. As they embarked on their journey, they discovered hidden talents within each other that they never knew existed. Aria found she could speak with the creatures of the forest, while Kael uncovered a deep connection to the elements. Together, they used these newfound abilities to navigate the treacherous terrain and track down the dragon. As they finally confronted the beast, Aria and Kael realized that their love was their greatest weapon. They stood side by side, their hearts beating as one, and channeled the power of their unbreakable bond into a blaze of light and love. The dragon roared in pain and surprise, its scaly hide singed by the intensity of their emotions. In that moment, the creatures of Mythica gathered around Aria and Kael, witnessing the true strength of love and unity. The dragon, humbled and defeated, retreated to a distant land, never to threaten Mythica again. Aria and Kael's love had saved their kingdom, and their tale would be passed down for generations as a testament to the power of love and togetherness. Aria gazed out at the horizon, her eyes filled with wonder as she imagined the vast world beyond their peaceful kingdom. Kael stood beside her, his gaze fixed on the sky where a giant dragon soared effortlessly through the clouds. The dragon's presence loomed over Mythica, casting a shadow of fear and uncertainty upon its inhabitants. "Kael," Aria whispered, her voice barely audible above the wind that rustled the leaves around them, "I think I can feel the dragon's power from here." She shuddered, feeling the weight of its presence pressing down on their small bodies. Kael reached out to touch Aria's hand reassuringly, his own hands trembling slightly. "Do not fear, Aria," he said in a voice barely above a whisper, "We are stronger together than we could ever be apart." He looked into her eyes, his own filled with determination and love. The dragon had brought them closer than they'd ever been before, and now they had each other to rely on. "But how can we fight something so powerful?" Aria asked, her voice barely more than a breath. Kael smiled softly, his eyes shining with confidence. "We don't have to fight it alone, Aria," he replied, his voice filled with hope. "Together, we are a force the dragon cannot ignore." As they stood there, hand in hand, watching the dragon circling overhead, Aria felt a warmth spread through her. She knew that Kael was right - their love for each other would be their greatest weapon against the fearsome creature. And so, with hearts full of courage and hope, they prepared to face the mighty dragon together, ready to defend their kingdom and the people they loved. Aria and Kael gazed upon Mythica, their beloved kingdom, as it stood in the shadow of an enormous dragon. Its scales shimmered like black ice, and its eyes burned with a fierce intelligence. The dragon's presence loomed over them, threatening to consume all they held dear. "We must face this beast together," Aria whispered, her voice trembling with fear and determination. Kael nodded, his own heart hammering in his chest, but he refused to let it show. He gripped her hand tightly, a silent promise of solidarity. Their love for one another was their greatest weapon against the dragon's terror. As they stood united, their bond grew stronger, and they began to feel an unexpected power surging within them. Aria found herself able to weave enchantments with ease, while Kael's once weak sword arm now held the strength of a warrior. With newfound confidence, they set out on their perilous journey, their footsteps echoing through the forest as they ventured ever closer to the dragon's lair. Along the way, they encountered mythical creatures, both friend and foe, who were drawn to the pair's unbreakable bond. Together, they faced giants, fought alongside fairies, and even tamed ferocious beasts that would otherwise have been their enemies. As they approached the dragon's lair, Aria and Kael knew that their love was the key to defeating this ancient foe. They stood together before the entrance, feeling the presence of the dragon looming over them. They reassured each other that they were stronger together, and with a deep breath, they charged into the darkness, confident in their love for one another. Their love shone like a beacon within the lair, illuminating the shadowy corners and driving away the beast's terror. Aria and Kael fought side by side against the dragon, their hearts beating as one, until at last, they found its weakness and struck the final blow. The mighty creature fell before them, defeated by the power of love and unity. And so, Mythica was saved, its people free once more to live in peace under the watchful gaze of Aria and Kael, their bond unbroken and stronger than ever. Aria and Kael stood side by side, gazing out over their kingdom of Mythica. The air was thick with anticipation as they knew the powerful dragon that threatened their home was nearby. Despite their fears, they held onto each other, their hands intertwined, and felt the warmth of their unwavering love. "We're stronger together, aren't we?" Aria whispered, her voice shaking with apprehension. Kael nodded, his eyes never leaving the horizon. "Yes, my love. Together, we can face anything." As they ventured out to confront the dragon, the mythical creatures of the realm were drawn to their unbreakable bond. A wise old owl named Eithan offered them guidance, while a group of small, mischievous fairies fluttered around them, providing comic relief and lightening their spirits. One evening, as they rested by a campfire, Kael looked into Aria's eyes and said, "I promise I'll protect you no matter what." Aria smiled, tears in her eyes. "And I promise to believe in you always," she replied. As the couple drew closer to the dragon's lair, they knew they had to use their combined strength to defeat the beast. With a final surge of courage, Kael charged forward and engaged the dragon in battle, while Aria cast spells from her ancient grimoire. The dragon roared and breathed fire, but the lovers persevered. In that moment, Aria and Kael felt the dragon's power wavering. They had overcome its might with their love and unity. Together, they had saved Mythica. And as the kingdom celebrated their victory, the mythical creatures gathered around them, knowing that true love was the most powerful force of all. Aria and Kael stood side by side, their hands interlocked, as they gazed upon the sprawling kingdom of Mythica. The once-vibrant landscape now lay in ruins, withered under the relentless shadow cast by a monstrous dragon that had descended from the heavens above. It was said that this dragon possessed powers far beyond those of any mortal being, and its presence threatened to shatter the very fabric of their world. As they stood there, Aria and Kael felt the weight of responsibility pressing down upon them. They knew that it would take more than brute force to defeat such a formidable foe. It would require courage, intelligence, and most importantly, the unwavering bond between them. Aria squeezed Kael's hand reassuringly. "We are stronger together, my love," she whispered, her voice barely audible above the howling wind. Kael nodded, his eyes filled with determination. "We shall face this dragon and protect our kingdom, for we have each other, and that is all we need." As they began their treacherous journey, word of their unbreakable bond spread far and wide, reaching even the most elusive mythical creatures hidden in the shadows of the world. Creatures such as fairies, giants, and enchanting beings with magical powers, drawn by the power of love, flocked to their side. Together, they traversed treacherous mountains, battled ferocious beasts, and overcame seemingly insurmountable odds. Their collective strength, born from love and unity, was a force that could not be reckoned with. As the final confrontation with the dragon approached, Aria and Kael stood resolute, their hearts pounding in unison as they prepared to face the mighty creature. And so, with the power of love and unity at their side, Aria and Kael defeated the dragon, banishing it back to the depths from which it had emerged. Their love and determination not only saved Mythica but inspired all who dwelled within it to seek out the strength that lies within each and every one of them. The sun dipped below the horizon, casting a golden glow over the kingdom of Mythica. Aria and Kael stood side by side atop the highest hill, gazing upon their beloved land as it twinkled beneath them. They had been inseparable since childhood, bound by an unbreakable friendship that had grown into love. Aria's eyes sparkled with curiosity as she asked, "Do you think we can find a way to defeat the dragon, Kael?" Kael smiled reassuringly, his gaze locked on the distant castle where their people were in peril. "We will do everything in our power to save them, Aria. Together, there is nothing we cannot overcome." As they descended from the hill, they encountered mythical creatures who had been drawn to the young lovers' unwavering bond. Fairies fluttered around them, giants towered protectively nearby, and even the shyest of dragons appeared curious. Each creature seemed to whisper their support, adding to the strength of Aria and Kael's resolve. Together, they devised a plan. They would face the dragon with courage and love, forging an alliance between all Mythica's creatures. With newfound purpose, Aria and Kael ventured forth into the dragon's lair. As they entered the dark cavern, the air crackled with anticipation. The dragon roared, its fierce eyes glowing red in the dim light. But Aria and Kael stood resolute, their love for each other and their people a beacon of hope. In that moment, the mythical creatures joined them, united by their shared determination. They fought with courage and ferocity, their combined strength overpowering the dragon's fury. As the beast lay defeated, Aria and Kael embraced, their love for each other triumphant. The kingdom of Mythica rejoiced, its inhabitants inspired by the power of unity and the unbreakable bond between two young lovers. The sun had just begun to dip below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the kingdom of Mythica. Aria, a talented fairy healer, and Kael, a skilled giant warrior, stood together on a hillside, gazing down at their home below. They had been friends for years, but recently, an undeniable spark between them had begun to grow. Aria: "Kael, have you heard the latest rumors about the dragon?" Kael: "I have, Aria. It's said that it's the largest and most powerful dragon our kingdom has ever faced." Aria: "We must find a way to protect our people. But how can we possibly defeat such a fearsome creature?" Kael: "Together, we can face any challenge. And with the help of our mythical friends, there is no foe we cannot conquer." With determination in their hearts, Aria and Kael set out to rally the kingdom's inhabitants. They sought the aid of the wise owl, who advised them on the dragon's weaknesses; the courageous griffin, who offered to scout enemy territories; and the enchanting nymph, who would lend her magic to their cause. As the day of battle approached, Aria and Kael's bond grew stronger, as did their love for one another. They knew that they were destined to face the dragon together, and with their mythical allies at their side, they were unstoppable. On the day of the confrontation, the kingdom stood united, their hearts filled with hope and courage. As the powerful dragon descended upon Mythica, Aria and Kael faced it fearlessly, armed with love and unity. With the help of their mythical friends, they defeated the dragon, proving that even the most seemingly insurmountable odds could be overcome when people come together for a greater purpose. In the end, Aria and Kael's love for one another and their unwavering determination saved Mythica, inspiring its inhabitants to believe in the power of love and friendship. The kingdom would forever remember the day they faced the dragon, for it was a testament to the strength that comes from unity and the magic that lies within the hearts of all who call Mythica home. In the mystical land of Mythica, young lovers Aria and Kael lived peacefully in their idyllic kingdom. Rumors of an ancient dragon awakening began to spread, casting fear upon the inhabitants. The once-happy couple found themselves faced with an ominous threat that could potentially destroy everything they held dear. As the whispers of the dragon's presence grew louder, Aria and Kael decided it was time to confront the beast. They sought out the help of other mythical creatures residing in Mythica: a wise old owl named Orion, a courageous griffin named Gavrielle, and an enchanting nymph named Elara. The trio agreed to aid Aria and Kael in their quest to defeat the dragon and protect their home. Together, they embarked on a perilous journey, traveling through treacherous terrain and overcoming numerous obstacles. Along the way, the group faced many challenges, but their unwavering determination and love for one another only grew stronger. As they ventured closer to the dragon's lair, Aria and Kael found themselves relying on each other more than ever before. Finally, they arrived at the dragon's lair, a massive cave deep within the heart of the mountains. The group prepared for their confrontation with the powerful creature. As the dragon emerged, its scales shimmering like black fire, Aria and Kael exchanged determined glances. They knew that love and unity were their only weapons against the beast. With a surge of courage, they charged towards the dragon, their voices raised in a battle cry. The mythical creatures joined them, and together they fought the dragon with all their might. Amidst the chaos, Aria and Kael found themselves cornered by the ferocious creature. Just as it seemed all hope was lost, their love for each other surged like a lightning bolt, striking down the dragon. The dragon roared in pain and fear, then vanished into the night. The kingdom rejoiced at their victory over the ancient foe. Aria and Kael's love had not only saved Mythica but also inspired its inhabitants to believe in the power of love and friendship. Their story would be told for generations to come, a testament to the unbreakable bonds that can withstand even the most fearsome adversaries. The sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the enchanting kingdom of Mythica. In this realm where mythical creatures roamed freely, young lovers Aria and Kael were inseparable. Their connection was so strong that even the rumors of a powerful dragon threatening their beloved home could not tear them apart. As word spread of the looming threat, Aria and Kael knew they had to act. They sought counsel from the wise old owl, who resided atop the highest tree in Mythica. The owl revealed that the dragon's heart could only be softened by love and unity. With this knowledge, Aria and Kael set out to rally their fellow citizens. "We must stand together against this fearsome beast," Aria declared passionately to a gathering of the kingdom's inhabitants. "Only through our unwavering determination can we defeat the dragon." Kael nodded, his eyes locked on Aria's. "And we will not falter until Mythica is safe once more." Their words sparked hope in the hearts of their people. The courageous griffin, with its fierce eyes and strong wings, offered to aid them in their quest. And so did the enchanting nymph, her delicate hands weaving magic into the air as she whispered ancient incantations. Together, the united kingdom faced the dragon's wrath. Aria and Kael stood side by side, their love for one another shining brightly in the face of danger. As they battled the fearsome beast, its scales reflecting the flames of their determination, the people of Mythica rallied behind them. With a final surge of courage, Aria and Kael faced the dragon's fiery breath, and in that moment, love triumphed over fear. The dragon's heart softened, and it fell to its knees before the unbreakable bond between Aria and Kael. Mythica was saved, and the kingdom rejoiced, inspired by the power of love and friendship. In the magical kingdom of Mythica, Aria and Kael, two young lovers with a bond as unbreakable as their love for each other, found themselves facing the most dangerous challenge they had ever encountered. The powerful dragon, Malgoroth, had awakened from his centuries-long slumber, threatening to lay waste to the entire kingdom. Aria and Kael knew that they must rally the inhabitants of Mythica to face this formidable foe. They began by seeking out the wise counsel of the ancient owl, Whisperwind. The owl revealed that a variety of mythical creatures still resided in the forest surrounding Mythica, including a courageous griffin and an enchanting nymph. With this newfound knowledge, Aria and Kael journeyed deep into the forest to find these legendary beings. Along the way, they encountered the griffin, who agreed to aid them in their quest. Together, they flew high above Mythica, searching for the elusive nymph. Finally, they located her hiding in a secluded glade. The nymph joined their cause, and together, Aria, Kael, Whisperwind, the griffin, and the nymph returned to the kingdom. They gathered the inhabitants of Mythica, rallying them with speeches filled with hope and determination. As they spoke, it became clear that love and unity were the only weapons powerful enough to defeat Malgoroth. With courage in their hearts and belief in their minds, the people of Mythica marched to face the dragon. Aria and Kael stood side by side, hand in hand, as the battle commenced. As they fought, their love for one another shone brighter than any weapon or spell. In the end, it was not strength or magic that defeated Malgoroth, but the unbreakable bond between Aria and Kael. Their love and unity inspired the inhabitants of Mythica to believe in the power of love and friendship, ensuring the safety and prosperity of their kingdom for generations to come. Aria stared in awe at the magnificent creature before her, her heart pounding with both fear and admiration. The dragon, its scales shimmering like obsidian under the moonlight, was unlike any she had ever seen. Its eyes were a fiery orange, burning with intelligence and an untamed wildness that made Aria shiver despite the warm air. Kael approached cautiously, his voice steady and reassuring. "Do not be afraid, Aria. This dragon is different from the ones we've faced before." He turned to address the massive creature. "We do not seek conflict, mighty one. We only wish to live in peace." To their surprise, the dragon tilted its head, examining them with an expression that seemed almost curious. Aria watched as Kael slowly extended his hand towards the beast, and, to her amazement, the dragon did not flinch. Instead, it allowed Kael to touch its massive snout, its eyes softening for a brief moment. In that instant, Aria knew they had a chance. She glanced at Kael, who nodded slightly, encouraging her to speak. "Our kingdom is filled with mythical creatures – fairies, giants, even wise owls and courageous griffins. We can unite them all if we work together." Kael smiled, his eyes sparkling with determination. "And with their help, we will show this dragon that love and unity are far more powerful than fear and violence." In the kingdom of Mythica, two young lovers, Aria and Kael, lived in blissful ignorance of the impending danger that threatened their home. The once tranquil realm was now plagued by an enormous dragon, its fiery breath scorching the land and sending inhabitants fleeing for safety. One day, as Aria and Kael wandered hand in hand through the forest, they stumbled upon a wise old owl. The owl revealed the truth about the dragon, explaining that it was powered by a dark magic, making it nearly impossible to defeat with brute force alone. Desperate for a solution, Aria and Kael sought help from other mythical creatures in the kingdom, hoping their combined strength could overcome the dragon's power. A courageous griffin joined them, followed by an enchanting nymph who could communicate with the spirits of nature. Together, they embarked on a perilous journey to confront the dragon. Along the way, Aria and Kael found themselves drawn closer together, their unbreakable bond growing stronger with each challenge they faced. As they finally approached the dragon's lair, Aria and Kael rallied the inhabitants of Mythica, inspiring them with tales of love, friendship, and unity. United, they confronted the dragon, their voices raised in a powerful chant that resonated throughout the land. In that moment, the true power of love and friendship shone through, and the dragon's dark magic was vanquished. In the end, Aria and Kael's love for one another and their unwavering determination saved Mythica. Their story inspired the inhabitants to believe in the power of love and friendship, ensuring that the kingdom would never again be threatened by such a fearsome dragon. In the magical land of Mythica, two young lovers, Aria and Kael, lived happily in the kingdom's heart. They were both drawn to each other, but their love was often overshadowed by the whispers of an ancient dragon rumored to be awakening. One day, while exploring the outskirts of the kingdom, Aria and Kael stumbled upon a wise old owl who warned them of the impending danger. The owl revealed that the dragon was growing stronger every day, threatening to destroy the peace and harmony of Mythica. The young couple realized they must face this menace together, so they set out on a quest to rally the kingdom's inhabitants. As Aria and Kael ventured through the enchanted forests, they met a courageous griffin and an enchanting nymph who offered their help. The four heroes traveled to the heart of Mythica, where they found the dragon lying dormant at the foot of a majestic mountain. "We must unite all the mythical creatures of Mythica to face this dragon," Aria declared. "Our love and unity will be our greatest weapon." Kael nodded in agreement, and together they led the kingdom's inhabitants in a glorious battle against the mighty beast. Their combined efforts were powerful, but the dragon was still formidable. Just as it seemed all hope was lost, Aria and Kael shared a tender moment, their love for one another rekindling the fire of unity within the mythical creatures. Inspired by their unbreakable bond, the kingdom's inhabitants charged forward with renewed determination. The battle raged on, with Aria, Kael, and their new friends fighting bravely against the dragon. In a final, desperate act of courage, Aria threw herself into the dragon's path, shielding Kael from its fiery breath. As the flames approached her, she felt the warmth of Kael's love enveloping her. With love as their ultimate weapon, the mythical creatures defeated the dragon once and for all. Mythica was saved, and the inhabitants celebrated their victory with joy. Aria and Kael's love had not only conquered the dragon but also inspired the entire kingdom to believe in the power of love and friendship. In the enchanting kingdom of Mythica, two young lovers, Aria and Kael, were inseparable. They shared a deep bond that no one could understand or replicate. Little did they know, their love was about to be put to the ultimate test. One fateful day, a powerful dragon descended upon Mythica, threatening to destroy everything in its path. The once peaceful kingdom was now in chaos as its inhabitants cowered in fear. Aria and Kael knew they had to act, but they couldn't face the beast alone. They sought the help of other mythical creatures that resided in the kingdom, including a wise old owl, a courageous griffin, and an enchanting nymph. "We must stand together," Aria declared. "If we unite as one, there is nothing this dragon can do to defeat us." The owl nodded wisely, the griffin's eyes gleamed with determination, and the nymph's laughter echoed through the air. Together, they rallied the inhabitants of Mythica, inspiring them to believe in the power of love and friendship. As the day of confrontation approached, Aria and Kael shared a tender moment beneath the stars. "No matter what happens," Kael whispered, his voice trembling with emotion, "I will always be here for you." Aria smiled, her eyes shining with resolve. "And I will always be here for you too," she replied. The day of the battle finally arrived. The once-peaceful kingdom was now a sea of warriors, each ready to face the dragon and protect their home. Aria and Kael stood side by side, their love for one another unbreakable. With a roar that shook the earth, the dragon appeared, its scales shimmering with an otherworldly glow. But the love and unity of Mythica's inhabitants were stronger than the dragon's fearsome power. Together, they fought the beast, their combined strength overcoming even the most powerful of dragons. In the end, it was Aria and Kael's unwavering determination that finally vanquished the dragon, proving that love truly conquers all. And so, the kingdom of Mythica was saved, its inhabitants inspired to believe in the power of love and friendship. Aria and Kael's love story would be etched into the annals of history, a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the unyielding power of love. Once upon a time in the magical realm of Mythica, two young lovers, Aria and Kael, found themselves entwined in an extraordinary adventure. They lived in a quaint village nestled within the heart of the kingdom, surrounded by lush forests, towering mountains, and sparkling rivers. The peace they once knew was soon shattered when whispers of a fearsome dragon began to circulate throughout the land. This ancient creature, known as Drakonar, had awoken from its slumber, seeking to terrorize Mythica with its fire-breathing fury. Aria and Kael decided to embark on a dangerous quest to confront Drakonar and protect their beloved kingdom. As they journeyed through the perilous wilderness, they encountered mythical creatures that would help them in their mission: a wise old owl named Orin, a courageous griffin called Gryphon, and an enchanting nymph named Lira. Together, they formed an unbreakable bond that guided them through the darkest of times. The young lovers soon learned of Drakonar's lair hidden within a treacherous mountain range. As they ventured deeper into the mountains, they overheard a conversation between Drakonar and another mythical creature, a powerful fairy named Elara. Elara had been cursed by Drakonar to serve him until she could find true love. It was a race against time for Aria and Kael, as they sought to break the curse before it was too late for Elara. In the heart of the mountain range, Aria and Kael faced Drakonar in an epic battle. Their courage and determination shone through as they fought side by side, their love for one another a beacon of hope in the face of darkness. With the support of their mythical allies and the power of unity, they managed to defeat Drakonar and break Elara's curse. Aria and Kael returned to Mythica as heroes, their love story inspiring hope and unity throughout the kingdom. The inhabitants of Mythica learned that even in the face of great adversity, the power of love and friendship could triumph over fear and darkness. In the kingdom of Mythica, Aria, a skilled archer, and Kael, a brave knight, had grown up as childhood friends. As they grew older, their friendship blossomed into love, but a dark cloud loomed over their happiness. An enormous dragon had begun terrorizing the kingdom, its fiery breath leaving destruction in its wake. The people of Mythica were desperate for a hero, and Aria and Kael knew it was time to face the beast that threatened their home. Aria and Kael sought the guidance of a wise owl named Ollivia, who lived deep within the enchanted forest. "To defeat the dragon," she advised, "you must gather the support of Mythica's mythical creatures." Together, they traveled to the edge of the kingdom where the courageous griffin, Zephyr, and the enchanting nymph, Lilia, awaited them. They formed a plan, determined to save their beloved kingdom from the dragon's wrath. "Aria, Kael," Zephyr rumbled, his golden eyes filled with courage, "we must rally the people of Mythica to stand together against this beast." Aria and Kael nodded, knowing that their love for one another would give them strength in the face of the dragon's fury. As the news spread throughout Mythica, its inhabitants gathered at the edge of town, united by fear but also hope. Lilia's laughter tinkled through the air as she wove a spell of protection around the villagers. "Remember," Aria called out, her voice strong and resolute, "together, we are unstoppable." Kael took Aria's hand, their hearts pounding in unison. With love and unity as their weapons, they faced the dragon together, supported by Mythica's mythical creatures. As the fire rained down from above, Aria's arrow found its mark, striking the dragon's vulnerable heart. The beast howled in pain, and with one final gust of flames, it vanished into the night. Mythica rejoiced, their spirits lifted by the love and bravery they had witnessed. Aria and Kael stood hand-in-hand, their love stronger than ever, knowing that together, they could overcome any challenge. One day, while exploring the nearby forest, Aria and Kael stumbled upon three mythical creatures who had been watching them from afar. Ollivia the wise owl, Zephyr the fierce griffin, and Lilia the enchanting nymph offered their assistance in the battle against the dragon. ``` Once upon a time in the mythical kingdom of Mythica, Aria and Kael were two young lovers whose lives were entwined with the destiny of their people. They were an extraordinary couple, for they possessed the ability to communicate with the magical creatures that inhabited the land. These creatures included Ollivia the owl, Zephyr the griffin, and Lilia the nymph, who played crucial roles in the events to come. One day, a powerful dragon began terrorizing Mythica, threatening to destroy everything in its path. The kingdom was plunged into despair as the people lived in constant fear of the dragon's wrath. It wasn't long before Aria and Kael realized that they were destined to face this menacing beast and save their beloved home. ``` Aria: "Kael, we must do something. Our kingdom is in danger." Kael: "I know, Aria. But how can we possibly defeat such a powerful creature?" Ollivia: "You both possess unique gifts that can help you on this quest. Believe in yourselves and trust in the power of love." ``` As Aria and Kael embarked on their perilous journey, they were joined by their mythical friends. Together, they traveled across the land, gathering allies and inspiring hope in the hearts of the people. Along the way, they overcame numerous challenges, from treacherous mountains to enchanted forests, proving that love and unity were far stronger than any evil force. Finally, Aria and Kael faced the mighty dragon in a breathtaking battle. With their combined strength and the support of their friends, they defeated the beast and restored peace to Mythica. The kingdom celebrated their victory with joyous songs and heartfelt laughter, for they had learned that love and friendship could conquer even the most fearsome of adversaries. And so, Aria and Kael's love story became a symbol of hope and inspiration for generations to come in the magical realm of Mythica. Once upon a time in the mystical land of Mythica, there lived two young lovers, Aria and Kael. They were from different backgrounds but shared a deep connection that no one could understand or explain. Aria was an enchantress with magical abilities passed down through generations, while Kael was a skilled warrior trained by the legendary Ollivia the owl. One day, as they wandered hand in hand near the edge of the forest, they heard the distant roar of a dragon. The once peaceful kingdom of Mythica had been plagued by this powerful beast for weeks, and its presence cast a dark shadow over the land. Aria and Kael knew they had to confront the dragon and save their home. As they ventured deeper into the forest, they encountered Zephyr, a wise griffin with ancient wisdom. He agreed to join them on their quest, as he too recognized the threat the dragon posed. Together, they sought out Lilia, a gentle nymph with healing powers, who was hiding in fear of the dragon's wrath. With her help, Aria and Kael prepared for the battle ahead, knowing that only unity could save Mythica from destruction. As night fell, the four friends stood atop a hill overlooking the castle, where the dragon lay in wait. They took a deep breath and leaped into action. "For our love, and for our kingdom!" Kael shouted as he charged towards the dragon, his sword glimmering in the moonlight. Aria cast a spell to bind the dragon's wings, while Zephyr and Lilia provided support from above and below. The battle was fierce, but with their combined strength and determination, they slowly weakened the beast. As it lay wounded before them, Aria and Kael realized that the power of love and friendship had been their greatest weapon all along. In a final act of courage, they embraced in front of the dragon, demonstrating the unbreakable bond between them. Their love and unity struck the dragon's heart, and it crumbled into ashes before their eyes. The people of Mythica, inspired by Aria and Kael's sacrifice, came together to rebuild their once-great kingdom. From that day forward, the tale of the young lovers and their mythical allies became a legend, inspiring generations to come. In the kingdom of Mythica, young lovers Aria and Kael found themselves in the midst of a perilous situation. The once peaceful land was now plagued by a powerful dragon that had been terrorizing the people for weeks. As the threat loomed over the kingdom, Aria and Kael decided to face the dragon head-on, determined to protect their home and loved ones. Upon hearing of their plan, Ollivia the wise owl, Zephyr the fierce griffin, and Lilia the enchanting nymph offered their assistance. Together, they formed a group of mythical creatures united by their love for Mythica and its inhabitants. As they journeyed towards the dragon's lair, Aria and Kael felt an overwhelming sense of hope, knowing that they were not alone in their fight. When they finally confronted the dragon, Aria looked into its menacing eyes and spoke with courage she never knew she possessed. "We will not let you destroy our home, for we are united by love and friendship," she declared. Kael stood by her side, his voice echoing through the cavernous lair. "Together, we have the power to overcome any challenge!" Zephyr and Lilia, in sync with their newfound allies, used their unique abilities to distract and weaken the dragon. As it roared in pain and fury, Aria and Kael took their chance, pouring all of their love and devotion into a single, powerful spell. The dragon's scales glowed as it felt the strength of their bond, and with a final guttural screech, it crumbled to the ground. The people of Mythica rejoiced in their victory, inspired by the unbreakable love between Aria and Kael. They knew that together, they could overcome any challenge, for the power of love and friendship was their greatest weapon. And so, a new era of unity and harmony began in the kingdom of Mythica, where mythical creatures and humans lived side by side, bound by the unyielding force of love. Aria and Kael stood atop the highest hill in Mythica, gazing upon the horizon with trepidation. The dragon's dark shadow loomed closer and closer, its fiery breath leaving a trail of destruction in its wake. They knew they must confront it together, for only their love could overcome such an ancient and powerful foe. "Kael," Aria whispered, her voice carried away by the wind, "I'm scared." Kael took her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "We won't let anything happen to each other, or our home. We're in this together." As they stood side by side, their love for one another became a beacon of hope to the mythical creatures of Mythica. Ollivia the owl and Lilia the nymph descended from the sky, while Zephyr the griffin soared overhead, all eager to aid them in their quest. "My dearest Aria," Lilia whispered, her voice echoing through the air, "We must rally our people and stand united against this menace." Together, they gathered the townsfolk of Mythica, sharing tales of courage and love that inspired hope in even the most timid hearts. United as one, they faced the dragon, their combined love and friendship a force to be reckoned with. "Kael, Aria, take my hand," Zephyr cried out, his voice strong and resolute. "We shall face this beast together!" In a stunning display of bravery, Aria, Kael, and their mythical friends charged the dragon, their love for one another creating a powerful energy that shone like a beacon in the night. The dragon roared, but its fire was no match for the love and unity it faced. As the battle raged on, the creature's fear of such an unstoppable force began to take hold. Finally, the dragon succumbed to its own terror, its fiery breath extinguished by the very thing it sought to destroy: the power of love and friendship. In the aftermath, Aria and Kael's love had saved Mythica, inspiring its inhabitants to believe in the magic of love and unity once more. With newfound hope, the people of Mythica rebuilt their lives, their hearts forever changed by the tale of Aria and Kael's love. And so, the legend of these two young lovers echoed throughout the land, a testament to the unstoppable power of love and friendship. In the mythical kingdom of Mythica, Aria and Kael were known for their bravery and wisdom. They had grown up together, learning the ways of the land and its mythical creatures. One day, a powerful dragon began terrorizing the people of Mythica. Aria and Kael knew they had to stop it before it could destroy their home. Aria: "Kael, we need to rally the people and face this dragon together." Kael: "But Aria, we don't stand a chance against such a powerful creature." Aria: "We may not be as strong as the dragon, but we have something it can never understand – love and unity. With the help of our mythical friends, we can defeat it." Together, they sought out their allies: Ollivia, the wise owl; Zephyr, the gentle breeze; and Lilia, the blooming flower. As they gathered, Aria and Kael shared words of encouragement. Kael: "I'm scared, Aria." Aria: "We all are, but we can't let fear control us. Remember, love is our strongest weapon." With love in their hearts, they marched towards the dragon's lair. Along the way, they encountered other mythical creatures who joined their cause. United, they confronted the dragon, using the power of love and friendship to overcome its destructive might. In the end, it was not physical strength that vanquished the beast, but the unwavering bonds between Aria, Kael, and all the creatures of Mythica. In the aftermath, the kingdom rejoiced in their newfound unity, knowing they could face any challenge as long as they stood together. And so, the legend of Aria and Kael spread throughout Mythica, a testament to the power of love and friendship. Aria and Kael stared at the massive dragon, its scales shimmering in the sunlight. The dragon's eyes glowed with malice, but Aria and Kael knew they had something the beast didn't expect - friendship. They called out to their mythical allies, Ollivia the wise owl, Zephyr the swift eagle, and Lilia the gentle dolphin. Together, they formed a plan to confront the dragon with love and unity. As they approached the dragon's lair, Aria whispered to Kael, "Remember, we're stronger together." Kael nodded, his eyes filled with determination. They found their mythical friends waiting for them. Ollivia perched on a rock, Zephyr soared above, and Lilia swam in the nearby waters. They all knew that together they could defeat the dragon. Together, Aria, Kael, Ollivia, Zephyr, and Lilia led Mythica's people in a rally against the dragon. With the citizens united, their love and friendship became a force that the dragon couldn't ignore. The dragon roared, its fire blazing, but the people of Mythica stood firm, hands joined in a circle around the town. In the end, it was the power of love and unity that defeated the dragon. It crumbled to ash before their eyes, and the kingdom rejoiced. Aria and Kael had proven that even the most powerful threats could be overcome with friendship and love. And so, Mythica thrived, a testament to the strength of its people and the bonds they shared. Aria and Kael had never met a creature like Ollivia before. She was a majestic, multi-colored pegasus with shimmering wings that seemed to defy the laws of physics. As they prepared for their encounter with the dragon, Ollivia swooped down and landed gracefully beside them. "I have sensed your distress," she said in a soothing voice, her eyes filled with wisdom and kindness. "I am here to help you on your quest." Aria and Kael stared at her in awe. Zephyr, the wise old sage of the forest, had been their guide thus far, but Ollivia's presence brought hope. They knew they would need all the help they could get for what lay ahead. The trio continued to plan their strategy, knowing that love and unity were the true weapons against the powerful dragon. As the sun set on Mythica, casting a warm golden glow over the kingdom, Aria and Kael rallied its people. They spoke of love, courage, and the importance of standing together against any threat. The message resonated deeply, and the citizens of Mythica united in their resolve to protect their home. Suddenly, the dragon appeared, casting a dark shadow over the kingdom. Its scales glinted menacingly under the moonlight, and its eyes burned with an evil intent. Aria, Kael, Ollivia, Zephyr, and Lilia, a fierce and cunning warrior, stood side by side in the face of this fearsome beast. "We are Mythica's protectors," Aria declared, her voice echoing through the night. "And we will not let you harm our kingdom!" The battle raged on, but the dragon underestimated the power of love and unity. As the mythical creatures fought together, the people of Mythica joined in, their voices rising in a song of hope and determination. The dragon roared in anger, but its heart began to soften under the relentless barrage of love. In the end, the dragon's scales shimmered with the colors of Mythica, and it bowed before Aria and Kael, their hands joined in a symbol of unity. The kingdom rejoiced, knowing they had triumphed over evil through the power of love. As Aria and Kael stared at the massive, fearsome dragon looming above Mythica, they knew that the fate of their kingdom rested in their hands. The dragon's scales shimmered with a deadly glow, its eyes burning like embers in the darkness. It was a creature of legend, its very existence a testament to the power of myth and fear. Aria took a deep breath, her heart pounding as she summoned her courage. "Kael, we must find a way to defeat this dragon," she whispered, her voice trembling with apprehension. Kael nodded, determination burning in his eyes. "We won't let it destroy our home," he vowed. As they searched for an answer, word spread throughout Mythica of the approaching threat. The people rallied, their voices raised in song and prayer to the mythical creatures who had once defended their kingdom: Ollivia, Zephyr, and Lilia. To their surprise, these legendary beings appeared, drawn by the call of their kin. Together, Aria, Kael, and the mythical creatures devised a plan to defeat the dragon. They would not rely on weapons or force, but instead, they would wield love and unity as their weapons. Ollivia's healing magic mended broken hearts, Zephyr's soothing breeze calmed trembling spirits, and Lilia's enchanting music brought hope to even the most desperate souls. With renewed courage, Aria and Kael led Mythica's people in a march against the dragon. Their voices echoed through the mountains, their love and unity shining like a beacon in the darkness. As they approached, the dragon roared, its fiery breath lashing out at them. But the people of Mythica held fast, their hearts united as one. In that moment, the dragon realized it had underestimated the power of love. It was defeated not by force, but by the unbreakable bond between Aria, Kael, and their fellow citizens. Together, they had forged a new chapter in Mythica's history – one of unity, courage, and the indomitable power of love. And as the dragon retreated, the people rejoiced in their newfound strength and the knowledge that they could face any challenge together. In the mystical land of Mythica, Aria and Kael were tasked with saving their kingdom from a powerful dragon that threatened its existence. They were not alone in this endeavor; they had the support of three mythical creatures: Ollivia, Zephyr, and Lilia. Together, they formed an unbeatable team. Aria, a skilled archer, and Kael, a fierce warrior, approached Ollivia, the wise and ancient tree nymph, for guidance. "The key to defeating this dragon lies within the hearts of Mythica's people," she whispered. They needed to rally their fellow citizens and show them that love and unity were more powerful than fear and destruction. With renewed determination, Aria and Kael sought out Zephyr, the mischievous wind spirit, for his help in spreading the message of hope. "We must use our voices and actions to inspire those around us," he said, his laughter echoing through the air. The duo set forth, gathering the citizens of Mythica and inspiring them to stand together against the dragon. Finally, they reached Lilia, the compassionate water nymph, who shared her gift of empathy with Aria and Kael. "Let our hearts be filled with love for one another, and we will overcome any challenge," she advised. They understood that the power of love and friendship was their greatest weapon against the dragon. The kingdom united as never before, and together they faced the dragon in a fierce battle. As their combined strength surged forth, the dragon's fear began to crumble, and it was eventually defeated. Mythica rejoiced in their newfound unity, knowing that they had triumphed over the darkness with love and understanding. And so, Aria and Kael's quest came to a victorious end, leaving them with a kingdom filled with hope and a bright future. The sun had barely risen, casting a golden glow over the kingdom of Mythica when Aria and Kael began their journey. They had received word that a powerful dragon threatened their home, and it was up to them to protect their people. As they ventured deeper into the heart of Mythica, they encountered three mythical creatures who would help them in their quest: Ollivia, Zephyr, and Lilia. With determination in their hearts, Aria and Kael approached the dragon's lair. They knew that overcoming this foe would require more than just bravery; it would take love and unity to truly defeat such a formidable enemy. As they entered the cave, they found the people of Mythica, united in their support for Aria and Kael. Fear had given way to hope, and the kingdom was stronger together. Inside the lair, Aria and Kael met face-to-face with the dragon. Its scales shimmered like obsidian, and its eyes burned with fury. As they confronted it, they remembered the love and unity that had brought them all together. They realized that their own love for Mythica and its people was a power far greater than any dragon could possess. In a moment of pure inspiration, Aria and Kael embraced each other, allowing the power of their love to flow through them. The dragon roared in pain as it was overcome by an unstoppable force, and it crumbled into dust. The people of Mythica rejoiced, knowing that they had triumphed over evil because of their unity and love for one another. As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the kingdom of Mythica, Aria and Kael stood side by side, gazes fixed on the imposing figure of the dragon looming in the distance. The air was thick with tension as the people of Mythica huddled together, fearing the wrath of the beast that threatened their home. Aria's eyes met Kael's, a silent understanding passing between them. They needed to rally their people and face this monster head-on. But they wouldn't do it alone. Ollivia, the wise owl with an ancient knowledge of Mythica's history, Zephyr, the nimble fox who could outmaneuver any enemy, and Lilia, the compassionate deer whose heart was as big as her ears, joined Aria and Kael in their quest. "We must show them that love and unity can conquer fear," Aria whispered to Kael as they stood before the Mythica's people. "Together, we will face this dragon." Their words reverberated through the crowd, igniting a spark of hope within each heart. As they ventured towards the dragon, the mythical creatures of Mythica rallied behind them. They knew that only by standing together could they defeat the beast that threatened their home. The dragon roared, its powerful wings beating against the wind, but Aria, Kael, and their companions stood firm, unwavering in their resolve. With love and unity as their weapons, the mythical creatures of Mythica confronted the dragon. Their combined strength and courage overwhelmed the beast, revealing that even the mightiest of enemies could be defeated with love and friendship. In the end, the people of Mythica rejoiced, celebrating the newfound unity that had saved their kingdom from destruction.

[pesterloglog]

Jake English, Tavrosprite, Jasprosesprite^2

Act 6, page 7810-7811

JAKE: Tavrosprite thank you for surreptitiously scooting away with me to my planet.

JAKE: I hope they all dont think me too much of a soggy knickerbocker for ducking off without making the rounds and saying goodbye.

JAKE: I just needed to get away and clear my head and i guess get my dander up for this great green man-fracas i am to solely contend with apparently??

JAKE: Say tavrosprite...

JAKE: Youll help me with out this impending pugilism wont you?

TAVROSPRITE: oH, yEAH!

TAVROSPRITE: i'M DEFINITELY READY, tO BRING THE SICK FIRE, tO

TAVROSPRITE: tHOSE GUYS ALLEGED TO BE INSIDE,,, aN ENCHANTED OVEN,

JAKE: Atta boy tavvy!!!

JAKE: Oops is it ok if i call you tavvy?

TAVROSPRITE: yES, i LOVE IT, }:)

JAKE: Actually wait.

JAKE: No i think i wont on second thought tavvy sounds fucking stupid.

TAVROSPRITE: yEAH, pROBABLY,

TAVROSPRITE: oKAY,

JAKE: So were agreed then.

JAKE: We wait here and limber up and flex our stupendous guns a bit then let sail our haymakers once the circus trundles into town.

TAVROSPRITE: i, pROBABLY UNDERSTOOD THAT REMARK, aND AGREE,

JAKE: I just wonder if theres anything else for me to DO aside from kiss my knuckles and lather them up with elbow grease.

JAKE: Turn my ten favorite boys out for a bracing constitutional you know?

TAVROSPRITE: ,,,,,nO,

JAKE: Should i be...

JAKE: SOUL SEARCHING or...

JAKE: Straining my brain to have some sort of magnificent epiphany about myself?

JAKE: Is this...

JAKE: Is this IT for me? Is this all there is to understand?

TAVROSPRITE: uM,,,

JAKE: Maybe theres only so much ragged wood a man can scrape from a barrels basement.

JAKE: Maybe sometimes a fellas gotta fess up to the fact that all there is to get about hims been firmly got already.

JAKE: Ive pretty much concluded that im a complete waste of everyones time if i bother busying their lives with my brand of beeswax and buffoonery.

JAKE: I settled square on the determination that i need to just be alone for most of my life and you know what im perfectly ok with that idea.

JAKE: Im just a lunk head and a loner and thats that.

JAKE: What else is there wonder about myself or my future except which face is most deserving of my fist?

TAVROSPRITE: sINCE YOU PUT EVERYTHING THAT WAY, aND SINCE SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO DISAGREE WITH A LOT OF CONSECUTIVE WORDS,

TAVROSPRITE: i THINK i AGREE WITH YOU,

TAVROSPRITE: mAYBE YOU'VE FIGURED OUT EVERYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF THAT MATTERS,

TAVROSPRITE: tHAT WOULD BE AWESOME!, lET'S BOTH PUT EXTRA EFFORT INTO HOPING IT'S TRUE,

JAKE: Thats the ticket!

JAKE: I love my aspect it feels so empowering every time i want to feel like somethings real when tons of facts are missing.

JAKE: I really am a lucky son of a bitch arent i tavvy. Shit i mean tavrosprite. Blech what i bad nickname sorry!!!

JAKE: But yeah thats pretty much what the doctor ordered for old jake english. No romantic stuff. No platonic stuff either!

JAKE: Ill be like... Mr nonrom sansplat... Or... Oh horsenoodles there has to be terminology that more effectively consolidates my present understanding of myself into a coherent identity i can get enthusiastic about.

JAKE: Maybe the troll lingo has the answers. Or maybe im pioneering some sort of... shadow quadrant system?? Ooh lordy wouldnt that be a swift kick in the netherdumplings.

JAKE: What do you think tavvyboy should i take my idea to the troll patent office and make a mint?

TAVROSPRITE: i DON'T THINK WE HAVE A THING LIKE THAT,

TAVROSPRITE: aLSO,

TAVROSPRITE: aLL OF MY PEOPLE ARE EXTINCT, aND MY PLANET IS BADLY EXPLODED,

JAKE: Oh yeah.

JAKE: Heh oopsie.

TAVROSPRITE: bUT YEAH, tRAGEDY SITUATIONS NOT IN CONSIDERATION,,,

TAVROSPRITE: i SYMPATHIZE ENTIRELY WITH YOUR SOCIAL IMPASSE, cAUSING NOT GOOD REFLECTIONS ABOUT YOURSELF, tHAT MAYBE ALSO DOUBLE AS LIBERATING STUFF ABOUT YOU THAT YOU RANDOMLY DECIDE IS FINE SUDDENLY,

TAVROSPRITE: oLD ACQUAINTANCES, aND GUYS YOU ONCE CALLED FRIENDS,

TAVROSPRITE: tHOSE ARE VERY HARD,

TAVROSPRITE: bECAUSE OVER TIME THEY GET EXPOSED TOO MUCH, tO ALL MY FLAWS AND INSECURITIES,

TAVROSPRITE: aND THEY START LIKING ME LESS BECAUSE OF THAT,

TAVROSPRITE: aT LEAST, tHAT'S HOW THE TRUTH FEELS, iN MY BRAIN,

TAVROSPRITE: sO i START THINKING, mAYBE THEY CAN'T BE THAT IMPORTANT TO ME, aFTER ALL, iF i'M GOING TO WANT TO FEEL NOT SAD ABOUT MYSELF ALL THE TIME,

TAVROSPRITE: bUT THEN, aLSO,

TAVROSPRITE: i REALLY DO ENJOY MAKING *NEW* FRIENDS,

TAVROSPRITE: aND EVEN THOUGH i DON'T HAVE MANY TALENTS OR BATTLE SKILLS, oR INTELLIGENCE, oR DISCERNIBLE POSITIVE QUALITIES,

TAVROSPRITE: oNE THING i THINK i'M GOOD AT THAT PEOPLE UNDERESTIMATE,

TAVROSPRITE: iS MAKING NEW FRIENDS, wHO DON'T KNOW MY FLAWS YET, }:)

JAKE: Yeah...

JAKE: Yeah!

JAKE: Cheese and crackers tavvers what an inspirational little spiel that just was.

JAKE: Mayhaps youve more concealed talents than you let on??

TAVROSPRITE: nO, aBSOLUTELY NOT, bUT THANK YOU,

TAVROSPRITE: aAA,,

TAVROSPRITE: aAAAA,,, cHOO!

TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO!,!

JAKE: Tavmeister are you ok?

TAVROSPRITE: aAACHOO!

TAVROSPRITE: aCHOOOOOOO,,,!

JAKE: Heavens to murgatroyd park tavenue whats the matter??

TAVROSPRITE: aACHOO!

TAVROSPRITE: aCHOOO,!,

JAKE: Speak to me lobster tavioli!!!

TAVROSPRITE: aAAAA,,,,,

TAVROSPRITE: cHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO, aCHOO, aCHOO!!!

JAKE: Ey! Rikki tikki tavi! Lay it on me bro... do you need to go to a hospital or what?!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: :3

[reallyveryhotsauce]

A Fantasy - About A Fable Of An Charming Phoenix Looking For An Invisible Door

There once was a charming phoenix with the most beautiful feathers that glistened in the sunlight and shimmered in the moonlight. Everyone was envious of his feathers, so they all asked for one, but the phoenix was stingy and only gave the feathers to the prettiest ladies, even though he had more than enough. The majestic Unicorn asked, and the phoenix gave them a beautiful white feather. The magnificent Siren asked for a feather, and the phoenix gave them a gorgeous blue feather. But the last person to ask was the Maggoty Troll. The phoenix laughed at the troll, denying them a feather.

The troll, absolutely furious, devised a plan that was sure to make the phoenix pay for his evil deeds. One day, the Phoenix saw a sign for a contest. Only the fairest in the land could enter to determine who truly is the best. The phoenix, blinded by narcissism, immediately flew to the location of the challenge. Upon reaching the location, the phoenix was confused. Looking around the dark cave, he found no other contestants. "It must be because no one would be able to compete with a beauty such as me," the phoenix boasted. He waited and waited for his prize to no avail. He began to look around, realizing that he was in no cave, for it turned out to be a trap.

The phoenix desperately tried to claw his way out, scratching and scraping, and it wasn't long until he found a note. Right in the center of the room stood a piece of paper much like an index card. On it read simple instructions, "you may leave once you find the invisible door." "What kind of sick joke is this?" the Phoenix complained, more annoyed than he was scared. He heaved a sigh. This was going to be a long day.

That is what he thought before he came to a harrowing truth. First, he searched north, and after the first few minutes, he got bored, so he decided to pause for a moment. "How stupid," he thought as he heaved himself up from the ground and started to head east. It wasn't until the same thing had happened when he went east, south, and perhaps west, that he got scared again. He knew it had probably been an hour, maybe even a day. "People must be looking for me," the phoenix reassured himself as he decided to take a nap.

In this dream, the things he dreamt about are things I cannot share, mostly because I don't know, and mostly because I don't want you to know. But one thing was certain; the phoenix was more paranoid than ever, going into the fetal position and crying. Now I know that I won't tell you because I myself don't want to know. He stayed like that for a little while, muttering to himself. I don't know what he said because I didn't want to go too close, for he was starting to smell. Many things about him changed; his beautiful feathers that once shone were now dim and fading.

It has been a week now, and he smells worse than ever, and I think his feathers have fully dimmed. I think this is the end for him. But wait, could it be the phoenix is finally getting up? Good for him. Now the story can finally go on. Wait, what are you doing? Stop that. You will kill yourself. Stop that immediately. Oh, dear.

Oh, you're still here. I'm pretty surprised. It's been thirty-two years. Why must we catch up? Well, I've taken up gardening. I decided to narrate just wasn't for me. Well, not everyone is cut out for it.

_

I hate this so much I started this when I was in fourth grade for my teacher but I never finished it. I completed this and that's all that matters I don't even go to that school anymore this is really embarrassing but at least here no one knows me.

[benkipo]

#28 Metapod

The mighty Pod. Am I worthy to talk about such a magnificent being? Well I must because I love Metapod. It really is a combination of so many things. We can't talk about Metapod and not talk about the most famous battle of all time: Metapod vs Metapod. Iconic. A meme ahead of its time! He's also the troll Pokémon we always assign to each other in our friend group so special reasonings there too. I also love that I spent most of my life seeing this Pokémon wrong! This image above, I thought Metapod was face was on the right side. With the protrusion being its nose, so resembling a crescent moon man. But its face is actually on the left! Once I saw that I liked it so much more! Makes so much sense that way and his eye expression is totally different. Much more aloof than serious. It's a stupid discovery but I love that experience I have with it. I love this guy's personality, its role in its evolution line, its personality, everything! I just think he does it all so well while also being a favorite color of mine. It's evolution Line is really a strong part too of why I love Metapod. Caterpie and Butterfree could've all easily been in the top 50 as well. Each design does its part well. Being the real life concept of butterfly metamorphosis that parallels Pokémon evolutions. It's just such an obvious Pokémon but I think its so well executed that its valid. Caterpie is super cute and really like his little mouth nub. Fun fact but I actually don't like butterflies. But I love Butterfree. It has little arms and big feet that add a lot to make the bug form much more palatable. Plus Caterpie is the first Pokémon Ash ever caught! And its journey and evolution is just handled all so well. I get chocked up evetime I see Butterfree leave Ash. So many reasons to love and boy do I love.

[laresearchette]

Friday, December 09, 2022 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)

WHERE CAN I FIND THOSE PREMIERES?: CHRISTMAS WITH THE CAMPBELLS (AMC+) EMANCIPATION (Apple TV+) LITTLE AMERICA (Apple TV+) FIRST TIME FIXER (discovery +) IN WITH THE OLD (discovery +) IT’S A WONDERFUL BINGE (Disney + Star) CHRISTMAS BLOODY CHRISTMAS (Shudder) THE MOST COLORFUL TIME OF THE YEAR (W Network) 8:00pm SILOS BAKING COMPETITION: HOLIDAY EDITION (Magnolia Canada) 8:00pm RANDOM ACTS OF FLYNESS (HBO Canada) 12:00am

WHAT IS NOT PREMIERING IN CANADA TONIGHT? BATTLE OF THE BLING (Premiering on December 13 on HGTV Canada at 9:00pm) THE MIGHTY ONES (TBD - YTV)

NEW TO AMAZON PRIME CANADA/CBC GEM/CRAVE TV/DISNEY + STAR/NETFLIX CANADA:

AMAZON PRIME CANADA CYRANO DETECTIVE KNIGHT: REDEMPTION HAWA SAS: ROGUE HEROES (Season 1) SOMETHING FROM TIFFANY’S

CBC GEM KID SISTER

CRAVE TV 22 CHASER ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS BANG BANG BABY BENEDICTION CHILDREN RUIN EVERYTHING (Season 2A, Episodes 1-10) THE GREAT GILLY HOPKINS     MARRY ME MARY MAKES IT EASY (Season 2A) PARADISE HIGHWAY RICHIE RICH TRANSPLANT (Season 3A, Episodes 1-9) TROLLS

DISNEY + STAR IDINA MENZEL: WHICH WAY TO THE STAGE? IT’S A WONDERFUL BINGE NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: KAHMUNRAH RISES AGAIN WEEKEND FAMILY CHRISTMAS

NETFLIX CANADA CAT DRAGON AGE: ABSOLUTION DREAM HOME MAKEOVER (Season 4) GUILLERMO DEL TORO'S PINOCCHIO HOW TO RUIN CHRISTMAS: THE BABY SHOWER MONEY HEIST: KOREA - JOINT ECONOMIC AREA PART 2 MORTAL KOMBAT (2021)

FIFA WORLD CUP SOCCER (TSN/TSN3/TSN4/TSN5) 9:45am: Quarterfinal - Croatia vs. Brazil (TSN/TSN3/TSN4/TSN5) 1:45: Quarterfinal - Netherlands vs. Argentina

CURLING (SN) 11:30am: Grand Slam of Curling: Masters - Draw #14 (SN) 3:30pm: Grand Slam of Curling: Masters - Draw #15 (SN) 7:30pm: Grand Slam of Curling: Masters - Draw #16

NHL HOCKEY (SNWest) 7:00pm: Flames vs. Blue Jackets (TSN3) 8:30pm: Jets vs. Chicago (SN1) 9:00pm: Wild vs. Oilers

NBA BASKETBALL (TSN/TSN4/TSN5) 7:00pm: Raptors vs. Magic (SN Now) 7:30pm: Lakers vs. 76ers (TSN/TSN4/TSN5) 10:00pm: Bucks vs. Mavericks (SN1) 10:00pm: Bulls vs. Warriors

A BIG FAT FAMILY CHRISTMAS (CTV Life) 7:00pm: A photojournalist gets close to a co-worker as she shoots her family's annual holiday party for a cover story.

PULSE (APTN) 7:00pm: Meet Santee Smith, a renowned Kahnyen'kehàka performer who is also the artistic director and founder of Kaha:wi Dance Theatre. In this episode, she presents three excerpts from Kaha:wi's triptych series: Re-Quickening, Blood Tides and SkéN:NEN.

THE SECRETS OF CHRISTMAS: REVEALED (The Family Channel) 7:00pm:  A massive data breach results in the release of millions of secret documents revealing the confidential inner-workings and mysteries of Santa's entire Christmas operation.

THE MYSTERIOUS BENEDICT SOCIETY (Disney Channel Canada) 7:00pm - 10:00pm (SEASON PREMIERE): The Mysterious Benedict Society kids must venture out on their own to find two of their leaders.

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (2005) (CBC) 7:30pm: A young boy wins a tour through a magnificent chocolate factory, led by the world's most unusual candy maker.

LOVE AT FIRST LIE (MTV Canada) 8:00pm (SERIES PREMIERE): A group of couples think they are taking part in a competition to test their relationships, but there are liars among them looking to swindle the real couples out of a cash prize worth over $100,000.

SAPPY HOLIDAY (Super Channel Heart & Home) 8:00pm:  When a sous chef discovers her boyfriend is going to propose to her on Christmas Eve, she begins doubting their future together...especially when a handsome maple farmer rescues her from a snowstorm.

JANN: ALONE FOR THE HOLIDAYS (CTV) 9:00pm:  Jann is shocked to discover her family have all made plans for the holidays that don’t include her. With her assistant Trey (Tenaj Williams) for company, she reminisces about Christmases past – the good, the bad, and the humiliating – and it soon becomes clear there’s more than one way to holiday.

OPRAH AND QUINTA BRUNSON: ABBOTT ELEMENTARY (OWN Canada) 9:00pm:  Oprah speaks with writer, producer and actress Quinta Brunson to discuss her comedy series, "Abbott Elementary"; Brunson shares reflections about her childhood, her greatest mentors and the pivotal moments of her career.

BENEDICTION (Crave) 9:00pm: Soldier Siegfried Sassoon returns from World War I and becomes a vocal critic of the government's continuation of the war. Adored by the stars of London's literary world, Sassoon's experiences inspire him to write poetry about the horrors of battle.

CANADA'S DRAG RACE: CANADA VS. THE WORLD (Crave 2) 9:00pm

PARADISE HIGHWAY (Starz Canada)  9:00pm:  To save the life of her brother, truck driver Sally reluctantly agrees to smuggle illicit cargo -- a girl named Leila. As Sally and Leila begin a danger-fraught journey across state lines, a dogged FBI operative sets out on their trail to save them.

JODI ARIAS: THE FRIENDS SPEAK (Super Channel Fuse)  10:00pm:  Jodi Arias is found guilty of killing her ex- boyfriend; the murder shocked and confused the public, who didn't know if she was a sex-crazed stalker or the victim of abuse at the hands of a controlling boyfriend; her friends set the record straight.