#I went years without them and only got more and more dizzy and finally went back last year

[pyreflydust]

Not needing my glasses for Seeing Purposes is more of a pain than you'd think. Because when you need them To See you're gonna be like oh I should put my glasses on because if I don't I can't see but if you need them because your eyes are Stupid you're gonna be like well it's not like I need them to see and then you go about your day and think why the fuck does my head hurt

[usanyan]

sad summer daze, wonbin x reader

! wonbin has blonde hair in this, smoking and alcohol consumption, making out but nothing crazy

🎧 summer daze by all time low...

wonbin sighs as he digs his back into his seat. the music in his headphones covers the noise of the old and rusty fan that makes his blonde hair fly into his face. these days, even in the early morning, the temperature is unbearably hot, the sun casting shadows on the floor through the glass doors of the convenience store. wonbin already knows it will be another boring day where he would scroll through his phone, trying not to fall asleep on his chair with his feet on the counter. summer was never his favorite season, but with this job, he feels like each day lasts for a week, only making his shift hours longer.

the clock hits nine and wonbin stretches his arms, his white tank top riding up to show a glimpse of his stomach, and he stands up to go through the empty aisles. now away from the metallic fan, the air becomes a lot thicker and the sudden warmth almost makes him dizzy. wonbin ties his hair into the smallest ponytail to stop the strands from sticking to his neck due to the invisible layer of sweat covering his skin. a few blonde hairs still fall in front of his eyes as he checks out every shelf, he makes mental notes of what's missing to refill them.

the store is dusty, the tiled floor that used to be white turned into a ash grey color, and the windows that let the sun inside leave a yellowish glow on the walls. behind wonbin's counter, piles of magazines and diverse boxes threaten to fall each time his elbow hits them, his eyes filling with panic at the thought of having to put them back in order -even though it would probably be more entertaining than dozing off-. no matter how hard he tried to clean, the black marks on the counter never left and the old stickers on the walls never really got fully off. and the best part? most of the time, it's just wonbin inside of the store, either with his music, looking at his phone, or the creaking sound of the fan while he stares at the ceiling that looks like it would fall on his face.

wonbin expected nothing from this summer job. he's not really a person with a lot of expectations. for him, summer isn't like any young adults movie cliché, no pool parties, no hookups, no holidays at the beach, no all nighters at the club, no afternoons with his friends. summer is more of a brutal reality. at least during the year, he's lucky enough to stay at his university's dorm, he cherishes each of his music and composition classes that gives him a comfortable routine. but as soon as the first days of the summer break start, wonbin is thrown back into the real and harsh world. a world where his angel face and voice would not get him anywhere. and who would get money to monthly repay the electric guitar he got last semester if not himself?

anyway, i just need a job, wonbin thought. he would have wanted one with little to no human interaction, his reserved personality being an obstacle to most place he went too. never from the employer, only from himself. the cafes were too busy, the restaurants too loud, and working at the train station really? wonbin could barely remember his way through the same supermarket he's been going to for the past year, so giving people directions? not his thing. and when wonbin saw the notice on the small convenience store near his friend's apartment that they were looking for someone for the summer, he was already desperate. he only wanted two things, getting out of anton's place that reeked like alcohol everyday and finally make some money. he never really expected that he would sometimes go days without seeing anyone, anton living quite far from the city center. most of the time, it was either busy workers coming in the last hour of his shift for premade dishes or kids buying candies and ice creams after going to the local pool. and wonbin was just a passerby in their lives, he's just "the cashier", "the young blonde boy", and it was more than fine for him.

wonbin fills with new bottles one of the shelves, he keeps one under his arm for himself. it's hot and he's working, and who would see that anyway? he checks the other aisles when the glass doors make a very uncomfortable noise, and the silence that was once only broken by the fan is replaced by loud chatters. wonbin walks back to his counter with a sigh, he avoids the customers by walking through the very last aisle of the small store, and he sits back down on his chair. he gets down half of the water bottle he took from the back, and the duo of people his age come up to him with much needed groceries. different alcohol bottles and cans, small snacks, and a pack of cigarettes, they both add when wonbin looks up at them from his seat. he doesn't need to ask for their id, wonbin already knows them. they don't follow the same course in university but they're good friends of anton. are they actually friends? wonbin just believes all the party goers are somehow friends.

"aren't you anton's friend? wonbin right? you play the guitar."

wonbin just nods, and hands the pack of cigarettes with a bored look. not that his job is really interesting, but he isn't there to make friends either. one of them gives him some cash and wonbin hands him back the change without saying anything else.

"i don't see why anton is friend with you, you're so... you know. well..."

the silence is too loud in wonbin's ears. what is he, silent? reserved? introverted? uninteresting? different? both the guys in front of him just scoff when wonbin looks into their eyes. wonbin knows his beloved friend anton only keeps him around for his own good. he's great, top student, he never misses a single day or assignments. he knows the sleepy bass player enjoys his presence during class because wonbin doesn't talk much and his handwriting is easy to read for when he'll copy the lesson later. though anton is a really nice person, and their friendship based on their musical composition classes gives wonbin a great opportunity : having somewhere to sleep during this awful summer instead of going back to his even more awful hometown.

"why don't you come to tonight's party with anton? is it not good enough for you?"

"none of your business."

"you know, being alive isn't so bad. you should try."

their laughters echo in the empty store and the door closes behind them. wonbin leans against his chair, his head drops back, the fan messes with the strands he couldn't tie. what's the link between late night parties and being alive, is he missing something? suddenly he feels upset. concerts are the only loud place he enjoys, not cramped apartments full of alcohol and other addictive things he doesn't really want to try. he never really had fun when he followed anton to the uni end of exams celebrations, all he remembers is being sick after two drinks and his heart beating in his ears when he woke up the next day. he felt lightheaded for hours, never again, he told anton who seemed to do just fine when they met in class later.

the day is slow. wonbin decides he needs a break before the horrible noise of the fan makes him insane. he hasn't seen anyone in hours, it's hot but sunny, and the air inside the convenience store feels so stuffy and heavy wonbin can barely breathe. he opens the large freezer and chooses a blue popsicle before walking outside. he rests his back against the wall next to the glass doors, the cold treat resting between his lips. if it's hot inside the store, outside is even worse, the sun feels like a burn on his skin. his ice cream doesn't help, it melts in his hand and drips down his fingers, so wonbin is quick to finish it. and with a sigh, he walks inside the small shop to go back to his previous activity : falling asleep on his counter.

his alarm rings at 6pm, wonbin stretches his sore arms with a pleased noise and grabs the set of keys, turns off all the lights and the fan -that stops with a clanking sound-. it's still really hot and bright when he steps outside, locking the doors behind him. his headphones find their place back on his head, music loud in his ears as he walks back to his friend's place. anton would be out tonight, which means he'll have the apartment for himself. it's easy to tell it's friday night from the people outside. middle aged men hurrying home, kids playing outside with no parents in sight, students excitedly coming back from their summer classes and heading to the latest club. out of all of them, wonbin just walks with one thing in mind, finally settling back on his friend's couch like it's a luxurious bed and sleeping. wonbin feels pity for himself. what a sad fucking summer.

anton rests against the window, he blows out the smoke of his cigarette when the door opens. he turns his head to look at wonbin, his blonde hair friend walks inside and drops himself on the couch without even taking his headphones off. his eyes flicker to anton and he lazily gets up as his friend hands him the pack of nicotine from a distance. the cigarette rests between wonbin's lips as he lits it, he inhales deeply and the weight on his shoulders slowly fades away just like the white smoke in the air. there's this comfortable silence between the two of them, until wonbin breaks it after exhaling deeply.

"who's party are you going to tonight?"

"sungchan's. why?"

"can i come with you?"

from anton's expression, wonbin guesses his friend had no idea he was about to ask that. they both lived on different timezones in the same apartment. while anton would enjoy his summertime, partying from the moment the sun sets until the early morning, coming home with the smell of whatever drinks he had clinging to his clothes, wonbin's evenings were quiet, lost into music sheets and his guitar resting on his lap. his own safe haven, like a home for himself even if anton's apartment is far from home to him.

"are you sure about that wonbin?"

"i figured it wouldn't kill me to... try to live."

"oh."

is that all you have to say? the question burns on wonbin's lips but he stays silent. there's no need to explain why he wants to join him. maybe this experience will be better, maybe he will hate every second of it, but he at least needs to give it a try, again. anton chuckles and gives a pat on his shoulder before leaving wonbin alone at the window. wonbin tries to gather some thoughts but it all gets lost into the swirl of smoke coming out of his lungs. he clings to the sound of anton getting ready behind him, his bassist friend hurrying around the apartment to find his belongings scattered everywhere. there's nothing for wonbin to take with him other than a black zip up hoodie covered in blue crosses and his phone dipped into his pocket. everything else is anton's possession. they get down the dirty stairs of the old building, a warm breeze messes up wonbin's hair, and he reaches behind him to untie them. as they both walk in the loud silence of the city, anton lits himself another cigarette.

sungchan's apartment is dark. it's packed, it's messy, and it's hot. there's a smell so strong it makes wonbin lightheaded, a mix of alcohol, cigarette, heavy perfume and too many people's scents at the same time. he already regrets his decision, looking for a way out, but with the half drunk anton holding his shoulder tightly, it's impossible to even try. the music is so loud in his ears, he can't barely hear what anton tells him. is this what being alive feels like? then it fucking sucks, wonbin doesn't realize he speaks out loud.

go have some fun, just be yourself. what a easy thing to say. maybe alcohol would help wonbin with his tied tongue, and he makes his way to the kitchen. he lost anton... somewhere. he has no idea where he came from and which way he needs to go, the dim lights and the waves of people threaten to drown him. he finally reaches the cold white counter in the kitchen and almost messes up all the cups. wonbin contemplates the different drinks. first he eliminates all the ones he doesn't know, then the few ones he remembers anton got sick of, which didn't leave much options available. he chooses the last beer bottle that stood in the corner, the taste of alcohol burning his throat along with the strong aroma of cherry. not bad, wonbin would even say he likes it.

wonbin still takes the first exit he finds, which happens to be the balcony door. it's finally night outside, the air cooler and breathable. on the balcony, there's no one else but wonbin. people are too busy clinging to each other inside, not caring about the city's show of lights or the few stars that painted the sky. wonbin reaches for the half pack of cigarettes anton gave him before he lost him in the crowd, and he takes a while to form a thought, looking at the rolled paper between his fingers. is drinking and smoking all by himself a good idea? wonbin would never find out, because when he looks around his pockets, he can't find a lighter. the smoke between his teeth, brows furrowed, he checks his back pocket again with no luck.

the familiar click of metal makes him turn his head, the dancing flame lighting up his face. alone with him on the balcony, there's you, holding up a lighter to his face. the night feels warm, his skin glistens and his eyes shine until the fire disappears. wonbin feels stuck in place, stuck to the ground when he meets your eyes, he stops breathing. the world around him is on pause when you take a step closer. wonbin lowers his head a little, strands of blonde hair falling in front of his eyes, and you click the lighter again until the edge of his cigarette burns with a faint smoke. wonbin's face brightens with the flame, it dances in his eyes, and make every details and flaws look more precise. and there's the silence. the cars vanished from the streets and the music stopped playing from the windows. your eyes are locked with wonbin until he looks away to blow the smoke on the side, and suddenly the noises start again, filling your ears and his.

wonbin's heart beats to an unsteady rhythm. is it the addictive taste of the cigarette mingled with the cherry of his beer or the intensity deep in your eyes when he turns back to you? wonbin can't find an answer. his mind feels foggy just like his lungs, and he breathes out the smoke once again, resting his arms on the edge of the balcony. you do the same, your elbow brushing his, and warmth blooms from the single touch. it courses wonbin's veins the same way alcohol does, it makes his face hot, and more than that, it stirs something in his stomach, a mix between fireworks and a roller coaster. maybe a bit of both. both your arms touching feel comfortable, like a special link between the both of you as if the windows of the balcony took you both to another place.

"i was wondering why someone like you was alone out there."

wonbin turns to you. of course it's someone like him again, like anyone else thinks. wonbin hopes you will be quite creative at least, so is he pathetic or just weird?

"what do you mean by that?"

"you're beautiful."

the words get stuck into wonbin's throat just like the smoke of his cigarette and he's forced to cough. blush tints his cheeks, ears and neck, he's thankful his face is engulfed by the night so you don't see how fuzzy your words make him feel. this time the silence is thick and heavy, wonbin knows you're looking at him, and he's too scared to dare laying his eyes into yours, he's scared the actual party would happen in his stomach and he'd feel shooting stars in his heart and body. the deep breath he takes is hidden by his cigarette.

"you're really pretty too."

"did you need a break from the party?"

"i'm not really a party guy. too loud for me."

too loud, too much people, too much scents, but if it means seeing you then wonbin wouldn't complain anymore. if you like parties then wonbin will like parties, if you want to drink wonbin will gladly drink with you.

"honestly me neither, i just followed a few friends. they're somewhere inside."

"mine is too, he kinda gave up on me."

"you smell like cherries."

you catch him off guard again and wonbin swears you're secretly trying to kill him. you're trying to take his heart out of his chest and put it in your pocket to keep it safe, and wonbin would even hand it to you. he gives up on his cigarette and faces you, he straightens his back and tries to appear more confident. with nothing but a quick look, he hands you his bottle of beer, it's almost empty but more than enough fo you to have a taste of the fruity alcohol. wonbin doesn't know what he wants, all he knows is that the time stopped again. he remembers how his days at the convenience store felt like weeks, and right now it's just the same, every second feels like an hour, every move slowed down to match the pace of his breathing. the drink stays in his hand, you make no move to take it, so wonbin brings to his lips to take a sip. you watch him swallow the burning liquid and the droplet that rolls down his chin and neck, the way he licks his lips afterwards.

"is it good?"

"it is."

"can i try it?"

it's like you both knew. like you both spoke to each others through your minds and eyes. wonbin's hand cups your jaw and you grip his shoulders before he presses his lips on yours, the sour cherry taste filling your senses. the kiss he gives you is like a dream, the kind of kiss you expect only in movies. his hand that holds your face wraps around the back of your neck and brings you closer, until one of your hand reaches for his hair to keep his face in place. wonbin is slow, lips warm from his drink, and your mouth only makes it warmer. the candy-like taste of his beer mixed with his cigarette makes you addicted, you feel high, high on him and the scent that clings to him. the fingers you tangled in his hair play with his blonde strands and wonbin deepens the kiss a little more, his tongue pushes on your lips for an entrance. you deny it, and wonbin parts away, he gives a quick peck on your lips to get rid of the strand of saliva that still connected the both of you.

his flushed face and half lidded eyes, the heavy rise of his chest and his parted lips, it takes your breath away. you tuck a strand of hair behind his ear, and wonbin rests his bottle on the balcony, his now free hand finds its place on your waist. sungchan is lucky to have such a big apartment and such a large space outside, wonbin makes a mental note to thank him later. he guides you further away on the terrace until the few lights coming from the opened windows stop shining on your face. you can barely see wonbin now swallowed by the night, but you can feel him. you feel his fingertips under your shirt, grazing your skin without going further, you feel his mouth in your neck as he kisses behind you ear, you feel his chest against yours each time he remembers to breathe and stay alive, you feel the star charm of his necklace on your collarbone. wonbin feels you too, your finger mindlessly twirling a strand of his hair, your arm wrapped around his shoulder, your head resting against his and your breath on his skin. it's like a fever dream, wonbin wonders if the alcohol and the hot weather messed him up and created some kind of illusion to play with his heart. but when your hand lays on his chest and feels the loud beating under his skin, louder than the music, wonbin knows he's more than awake.

he rests his forehead against yours and for a few seconds, you admire his face so close, your fingers caress his chin and lips, follow his jaw and rest on his cheek. you want again the feeling of his lips, you want the drug he seems to get you on and flows your system like liquid fire. you presses your lips on the mole on his jaw and savor the small noise in wonbin's throat before he holds your face again to kiss you. this time you let his tongue meet yours in a heated valse, your arms wrap fully around wonbin's neck and he pushes you against the balcony railing, both hands resting behind you. he traps you against, towers you and takes control of the movements of your lips, he takes the lead of your heartbeat and your shaky breaths between his warm kisses.

wonbin can't get enough, the more time he spends tangled in your lips, the less he feels like he could keep living without it. now you taste like cherries too. one of wonbin's hand claw at your waist, he brings you closer until there's no more space. he needs to breathe, but dying this way sounds like heaven, you're slowly taking away his life by making him addicted to you. his fingers feel at home on your skin just like your hand in his hair. wonbin allows himself to breathe only to trail his lips on your jaw and down your neck, his mouth hot and swollen as he discovers your body. but he doesn't want to get away from your mouth, he steals your lips again and again, blown pupils lost into yours before you finally hold his head steady.

wonbin feels like a kid that's denied a sweet treat, but in a desperate way, he's about to throw a tantrum to have his favorite candy back. you brought him up to heaven and stole his soul, he surrendered to you having his heart in your hand. his nails dig into your hips gently as a warning, he brings his face closer, and you finally say the magic words.

"wanna get out of here?"

boom fireworks in his stomach, fireworks in his head and fireworks in his heart. the sparkles race in his veins and ring in his ears.

"i don't have a place to go."

"but i do."

wonbin's lips crashes against yours again, he wants to ground himself and tell himself it's not a dream. his teeth bite your bottom lip and you tug on your hair, he traps you again on the balustrade, his hand now finding your back to press yourself against him. wonbin gives you a kiss on the corner of your lips before licking his own. he finally breaks into a smile when you push yet again his hair out of his face. you take his hand, and you both hold tight when you walk through the drunk people in the apartment. this time the door is easy to find, and the empty streets somehow feel really comforting. your hand in his, fingers intertwined walking in a direction wonbin doesn't even know. this must be it, this must be what being alive feels like and what they all talk about, wonbin wonders if he's too drunk on his cherry beer or the taste of you for these thoughts to cloud his mind. yet they're all he can think about, and he wouldn't want it any other way.

a sad fucking summer indeed, a summer daze he hopes never fades away.

[mariaofdoranelle]

so ummmmm........will we be blessed with more of the booty-call dare????? asking for a friend (me) ❤️👀😍❤️👀👀

Leia, my love, there is NOTHING I wouldn’t write for you. Especially when I’m having this much fun heheheh

The Booty-Call Dare - part 2

Read part 1 here!

Warnings: physical injury

Words: 1,6k

Rowan hung up his phone, confused and a little dizzy after Aelin’s call.

He barely paid any attention to the weight he was lifting in the bench press, that phone call took all the space in his mind.

In the years they’ve been friends, Rowan never, ever even dared to expect her to booty-call him. Not that he didn’t want it, of course.

It wasn’t news that Rowan had a crush on Aelin—who didn’t?

He grunted through the burning in his arms, it seemed like today was one of those rare days in which gym failed to empty his brain.

And then something dawned on him, like he was finally able to see through the mist: Aelin had just scheduled what sounded very explicitly like a hookup, about 58 minutes from now. For whatever reason, out of all the hang outs they had, tonight she needed him naked—in her own words, to ‘bang’.

In the few times he dared to entertain the thought of something romantic happening between them, Rowan never thought she’d just call him and very bluntly—

Wait, what the fuck was he still doing here at the gym?

At the exact same moment realization hit, Rowan lost his grip on the weight and watched as it crashed on his chest.

At first he winced at the sudden crushing feeling, but quickly rolled the barbell off his torso. Rowan had no time to be in pain—he needed to get his ass home and get rid of this post-gym horrid smell for Aelin.

Rowan only noticed the two gym bros that ran to help him when they were already pulling the weight off him. He showed his appreciation in brief words—he had somewhere to go, after all.

“Dude, you okay?” one of the guys asked, brows furrowed in concern as he watched Rowan get up and leave.

He would be in about 57 minutes.

˜˜

The following hour was a blur. One quarter of it was the longest shower of his life, but between driving home, cleaning the apartment, changing his bedsheets and getting the wine ready, Rowan barely had time to look at himself in the mirror before Aelin got there.

She didn’t say anything at first, just looked at him with a small smirk from under her lashes in a way that made his brain short-circuit. In a red wrap dress with her natural hair falling in gentle waves over her shoulders, she looked like present from the gods, wrapped just for him. She took a small step forward, hesitantly watching him, and that’s when Rowan lost his patience.

He gently pulled her face to his, one hand on her cheek and another on her neck, and watched it as her eyes slowly closed, her mouth soft and ready for him. When their lips touched—shit, feeling her pillowy lips was almost too much, and so far from that he used to imagine.

Aelin brushed her hands over his chest to his shoulder without breaking them apart, which made him stiffen, but he roughened up the kiss so she wouldn’t notice. Whatever happened at the gym, he could brush aside for a few hours. Rowan could die tomorrow, but he was still fucking Aelin tonight.

But then she put both hands on his chest again and literally pushed him inside the house, which brought a sharp burst of pain. He masked his flinch by turning around to lock the house, but it was enough to buy him time. One not-so-deep breath, one good wince and he turned back around to her, ready to go.

“Hi,” she said in a suggestive tone he’d never heard before—maybe he heard another girl use it, but never so perfect, so Aelin.

“Hey, yourself,” Rowan whispered, tugging her hair behind her ear.

Aelin’s hand went from her hair to the ends of his shoulders, and instead of basking on the motion, he went rigid, too worried she might slide her hands over his chest again.

She stopped almost immediately, her head tilting in confusion. “You good?”

“Perfect.” Rowan leaned to kiss her again, but stopped halfway. “You good?”

“Perfect.” Aelin gave him an intimate, radiant smile and resumed their kiss.

She tugged him by the neck, leaning her back against the wall and bringing him with her. This kiss felt more heated, it felt like something shifted as Rowan bit her lip and Aelin pulled the short strands of his hair, as if that torturous hunger for each other alone made the world stop.

She took the air out of his lungs in a way that made it physically impossible to breathe, and that’s how perfect his Fireheart felt tonight.

While sucking the skin of his neck, she fumbled with the buttons of his short-sleeved shirt and gaped when it was wide open.

“Rowan, your chest—“

“I know,” he said and kissed her again. Rowan took good care of his body, he wasn’t shy about it.

“No, that’s not…” Aelin pushed him back gently this time and stared into his chest with widened eyes.

He looked down to find that an explosion of red and purple adorned his chest, in a shape that resembled the barbell that fell on him an hour ago.

“This looks like some fighting pit shit,” Aelin murmured, then looked straight into his eyes and snapped, “You’re not fucking around with that, are you?”

Because of her visible distress, Rowan told her a cleaner, less horny version of his story.

“A weight—what weight?” Aelin sized the bruise across his chest and asked, “That one you do with two hands? How heavy was it?”

“Heavy.” Giving her the real answer wouldn’t help on his case.

Aelin squeezed her eyes shut and her shoulders dropped with a heavy sigh, as if whatever she was considering pained her.

“Put your shirt back on.”

“I— what?”

She picked his shirt from the floor and stood behind him to help him get dressed. “Try not to move your torso, just—“ Rowan thrust his arms out behind him to aid her, but it only made her curse under her breath and urge him to be careful.

˜˜

The prospect of fucking Aelin must’ve worked like an adrenaline shot, because once it was off the table, his ribs started hurting like a bitch. The doctor put him on painkillers now, which turned excruciating pain into a discomfort of sorts.

Trapped in this ER—more precisely, between one wall and three sides of the privacy curtain the nurse had closed—Rowan was glad he had Aelin to look at. She only left his side when absolutely required to, during his X-Ray, and now waited for the results with him, on a chair while he sat on a hospital bed, naked from the waist up.

They didn’t talk much, not if he excluded the amount of times she called him an idiot for dropping that weight; in fact, the last real conversation they had was that godsdamned phone call. Apart from holding his hand and some casual touches here and there, Rowan had no idea where he stood with her anymore. Every look she gave him was a kaleidoscope of worry and appreciation and something else he couldn’t pinpoint, it was absolutely nerve-wrecking now that his mental energy wasn’t channeled into his own physical pain.

Rowan cleared his throat. “About our phone call.”

“What about it?”

He looked down at that bruise that looked worse by the minute. “I’m pretty sure this thing is gonna compromise my performance tonight.”

Aelin blinked, her face morphing in a way that ‘disbelief’ didn’t sound enough to what she seemed to feel.

“Rowan, you’re injured. There won’t be a performance at all.”

Shit. He suspected that might happen, but he didn’t anticipate this crumpling weight on his chest when the answer finally came.

He had one chance, one job to do. And he fucking ruined it.

“I’m sorry. I know I won’t be able to do that in a way you deserve and…” Rowan pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to think of a way to screw this up less than he already did. “Do you think we can at least salvage the friendship?”

Aelin tilted her head, a silent sign that she lost him.

Feeling his cheeks heat, Rowan explained, “You have… urges that I can’t meet in the timeframe you need me to.”

“What? No!” She straightened in her seat and kept strong eye contact as she said, “I booty-called you. It’s a sacred rite in modern society, I can’t un-booty-call you now.

Rowan was about to put his own desire aside and call out that insane logic when the sound of Dr. Towers opening their privacy curtain interrupted the conversation.

Black sheet against luminous board, two imperceptible stripes disturbing the transparent that symbolized his bones meant that he was fucked. Two broken bones, two women glaring at him in that curtained cubicle; Dr. Towers had a bland, teacher-like sort of death stare, but he avoided meeting Aelin’s—especially when the doctor warned that his tiny fracture could’ve been much worse, given the amount of weight he lifted.

“I want you in bed for a week, in the very least. The pain you feel will tell a lot of what to do and when, but no strenuous activities for the next six weeks.”

Aelin raised her hand to ask, “What about strenuous activities in bed?”

“Well, that depends on how strenuous this activity is,” the doctor said, struggling not to laugh. “Let’s give it two to three weeks if you go easy on him.”

Dr. Towers put too much faith in him. Rowan would easily break two more ribs just to fuck Aelin tonight.

A/N: 🕊️ goodbye goodbye goodbye their fuckfest was bigger than the whole sky 🕊️

PART 3 HERE

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[hawkinsbnbg]

‪Steve was such an embodiment of a golden retriever that Eddie could hardly hate him even when his Munson Doctrine said otherwise.‬

‪Once Eddie got to know him better, he knew he was done for.‬

‪The guy wasn't only a pretty face and fine muscles, he was also kind and a goddamn sweetheart.‬

‪And Eddie? He was a sucker for Steve Harrington. ‬

‪Had been since high school and never thought he could fall any deeper until Dustin literally force introduced him to Steve who took one look at him and invited him to his house.‬

‪As if they were good friends and not two strangers who had just talked to each other for the first time.‬

‪"We actually talked once before all of this," said Steve absentmindedly as they were chilling out on the lounge chairs by the pool.

‪Sometimes, the night breeze would sail past them and Eddie would be able to smell Steve's citrus cologne mix with the chlorine that came from the pool. ‬

‪Also, he'd never admit that the sight of Steve in that white snug T and those stupid tiny green shorts made him a little bit dizzy.‬

‪"When?" Eddie was bewildered. Because if he had interacted with Steve, then he sure as hell he'd remember it for the rest of his life.‬

‪"On my first year," Steve gave him a meaningful look. "You seemed to hate me a lot the moment we met so I didn't try to approach you anymore."

‪Eddie remembered it now. That day, Steve had come to buy from him but since he didn't sell to underages, he decided to scare the younger boy away and then forgot all about it once he returned to his trailer.

‪Turned out, his tactic worked a little bit too well and now, Eddie finally understood why Steve never came to him and it was always Tommy or Carol's brother instead.‬

‪"Thanks for that anyway," said Steve quietly.‬

‪"For what?" Eddie frowned slightly in confusion.‬

‪"For denying me the weeds," Steve gave him a warm smile. "I had been goaded to buy them from you but now thinking back, I'm glad that I didn't get them. Because I knew the moment I went back with a bag of weeds, those people would encourage me to buy drugs next. It'd go on until they got me addicted and my life would be much more different if I was sent into rehab by my father."‬

‪Though Eddie knew this was what he hoped his little conscience would do to those teenagers, he still didn't expect Steve Harrington of all people to thank him for it.‬

‪And he didn't expect his heart to leap into Steve's hand without his consent, either.‬

‪"It's nothing," Eddie cleared his throat slightly and picked up his beer bottle so he'd have something to do instead of flailing his hands around like an idiot. "It's just one of my rules that I don't sell to underages."‬

‪"And thanks to you, many guys like me can have a better life," Steve raised his beer into the air. "Cheers for Eddie Munson."‬

‪Eddie though blushed at the lovely smile Steve sent him, still held up his bottle and clinked it with Steve's.‬

‪After that night, they started hanging out together more often. Sometimes, it'd be at Steve's place, and some other times, it'd be in Eddie's bedroom at the Munson trailer.

‪Steve even chatted with Wayne about basketball, on which Eddie would never in his wildest dream expect to walk in when he returned from a gig one late night.‬

‪Gradually, it became their thing to spend time together whenever they could.‬

‪Yet, Eddie didn't dare to consider them as anything but friends.‬

‪Sure, they hung out all the time in each other's bedroom, they shared forehead kisses and cuddles, they brushed each other's hair, and they even lived in each other's wardrobe.‬

‪But, clearly, Steve was as straight as a ruler and Eddie wouldn't ruin their friendship just because of his stupid feelings.‬

‪So Eddie did what he thought was the best. He tried to move on.‬

‪But he had failed the moment a random girl walked up to Steve and started flirting with him.‬

‪An ugly thing reared its head inside Eddie and caused him to see Red.‬

‪He just stormed over and pulled Steve away from that girl, out of the bar, and into the back of his van without much thought for the consequences.‬

‪Fuck the consequences. Because Steve was his and his alone. Anyone could fuck off.‬

‪"Eds? Did something happen? Are you okay?" Steve looked at him in concern.‬

‪That got an amused huff out of Eddie. Of course, his sweetheart would worry about everyone but himself.‬

‪"No, I'm okay," he took in a deep breath to calm down. Then, he met those hazel eyes and decided to be honest for once. "I was just jealous."‬

‪"Of who?" Steve’s brows pinched in bafflement.‬

‪"Of that girl," Eddie licked his dry lips and watched Steve's gaze flick down to them before meeting his eyes again.‬

‪"Why?"‬

‪"Why?" Eddie parroted back before giving out the answer that had been locked inside him for years. "Because I like you, Steve."‬

‪"Oh," Steve breathed out.‬

‪"Yeah," Eddie snorted bitterly and braced himself for the imminent heartbreak. ‬

‪He waited for Steve to either turn him down gently or punch him in the face for taking advantage of their friendship for his greed and selfishness.‬

‪He knew Steve would never do that. But it'd hurt far worse if Steve got upset enough with him to resort to pure violence.‬

‪Instead, all Steve did was ask with a raised eyebrow, "So are you gonna kiss me now or do I need to do it first?"‬

‪Eddie didn't need to be told twice to cup Steve's face and lock their lips together.‬

‪This could be another good dream for all he cared.‬

‪For now, Eddie didn't want to drown himself in yet another existential crisis until he was done making out with his darling.‬

‪Until they stumbled into Steve's bed, until Eddie was permitted to do everything to the other man, including blowing his back out that he knew it wasn't a dream. Because Eddie never made it this far in his dreams before.‬

‪"So are we boyfriends now?" Eddie asked again just to make sure as he cuddled and shared lazy kisses with an adorably sleepy Steve.‬

‪"Mhm," Steve hummed under his breath, all rosy cheeks and blissed out.‬

‪"Just so you know," Eddie traced his forefinger on the soft outline of Steve's chin. "You're gonna be stuck with me for a very long time and even if you try to kick me away, I'd find a way to get back to you."‬

‪"That sounds perfect to me," Steve yawned and snuggled up to him.‬

‪"Yeah?" Eddie tightened his arms around Steve.‬

‪"Uh-huh," Steve planted a small kiss on his jaw. "We're in this together now. And you're gonna see how clingy I am very soon. Just don't regret it, Munson."‬

‪"I'd never, sweetheart," Eddie whispered back and gave his lovely boyfriend another smooch on his forehead.‬

‪As Eddie slowly drifted off, he just knew he was the world's happiest and luckiest man to have Steve in his life.

‪And that was a blessing he'd never take for granted.‬

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Piano (5) Masterlist

part one, part two, part three, part four

dan is not a pianist (ao3) - Marranje

Summary: One night, Phil stumbles over a musician's YouTube channel. Years later, they're sharing the most important moments of their lives.

(in which dan pursued the piano, they did not meet in 2009, but still finds each other through the power of the internet)

Far Too Young To Die (ao3) - rainbowchristy

Summary: Phil didn't think much of Dan's sudden obsession with playing Panic! songs on the piano. He didn't think much of Dan's long sleeves or his lack of uploading. Well, that was until he found Dan's journal and became concerned for his safety.

home (ao3) - Rawritsamehh

Summary: just a little drabblely thing :)

i just like the music (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: There's something soft that settles in his chest to think that he and Amelia share this passion, and he's desperate to give her the guidance that he never got as a child.

i will never know a sunday (how slow the moments go) (ao3) - beaniebopbaby

Summary: The man hunched over the piano, and Phil felt like he couldn’t breath. He looked around the room, to see if anyone else noticed this shift, when he finally realized they were alone. The notes grew slower and slower as Phil stood, drifting closer to the man playing the piano. The pianist looked as mesmerized as Phil, absorbed in his playing.

idgaf (because it saved me) (ao3) - gaydreaming

Summary: When Dan sits down at his piano, he doesn't expect to put so much emotional vulnerability onto the page. But TATINOF had a song. Introverts had a song. Terrible Influences needs a song. And, more importantly, Dan and Phil need to figure out how exactly they plan to take back what the internet took from them.

in simpler terms: i can't stop thinking about the fact that they occasionally write songs together so i wrote a fic about it.

in harmony (ao3) - heartsopenminds

Summary: Dan's always turned to music to help him process emotions he can't or won't say out loud.

Music Man (ao3) - starlight_kth

Summary: Phil attends a concert with one of his best friends. He's really not that interested. Well, that's until he sees the tall, beautiful piano player with the dimple.

On That Note (ao3) - Marranje

Summary: As far as Phil knew, he did not have a single musical bone in his body. All of that went to his brother, as with most of the other Talent genes, which left Phil with all the awkwardness and introversion, and none of the eye-hand coordination. So why, you ask, had Phil signed up for piano lessons?

or, the one were phil decides to try something new, but is more interested in his handsome piano teacher than the piano

Love Comes Without a Warning (ao3) - beaniebopbaby

Summary: Phil Lester wanted nothing more than to find his soulmate, his other half.

Dan Howell could not care less about finding his.

A soulmate AU where each person has one half of a tattoo. When you meet your soulmate, your tattoos combine to become one.

Mollifying (ao3) - yikesola

Summary: Most days aren’t bad like this. Most days just include Phil not wanting to make a phone call or agonizing over how stupid he looks when he trips over his own feet.

A fic about physical anxiety and piano playing.

Of Tears and Melodies (ao3) - moonharbinger

Summary: Dan has a habit of playing the piano at ungodly hours. Phil can't do anything but love him for it.

one of those days (ao3) - nivi_chip

Summary: Phil has a dizzy spell and Dan takes care of him.

Or, Dan is the man with the plan (rip the stereo shows imy)

out of tune (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: There's a piano in the first London flat. It was there when they moved in, and it's there when they leave.

play me beauty (ao3) - PoisonedMind

Summary: There’s a piano. It’s not in the corner of the room nor in the centre but rather placed awkwardly to the side. As if it’s a keepsake of half-forgotten times. Dan dusts off the keys and pushes down with a delicate finger. Only a mutilated mumble of a note crawls out.

It’s broken. Just like the world.

Poets, pianists, & melancholy nights (ao3) - Obsessionova

Summary: The one where they’re neighbors and Dan’s playing piano in the middle of the night

Red Sex (ao3) - dead_little_lamb19

Summary: In a world where Dan Howell is a pianist who is best inspired by beautiful young boys and girls. Unfortunately someone else really can't stand it.

Remote Crisis Manager (ao3) - sexy_ghost_star (sepia_sigyn)

Summary: “You’re playing Debussy.”

“I am.”

“Does that mean you want-”

“Da bussy,” they say in unison.

take my hand, take my whole life too (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: “You’re learning piano and the first song you go for is Elvis?” Dan manages to get out, and Phil giggles.

the old familiar rhythms (ao3) - cityofphanchester

Summary: There will be dozens of good days in the weeks to come, but not many of them will end in quiet.

(piano, summer 2022)

The Power of the Melody Moves You (ao3) - thoughtfullightcollection

Summary: The first time Dan plays piano for Phil.

whisper of the heart (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: Phil has a headache. Dan plays the piano and comforts him.

won't let you pass me by (ao3) - glowingatmosphere

Summary: When Phil walks into work that Thursday evening, there's someone new sitting in Cornelia's place at the piano.

[prettywordsyouleft]

2024 Writer's Wrapped

Thanks @blizzardfluffykpop for being so kind and tagging me in their wrap up. I'm not sure if this is going to be an amazing one compared, since I've written very little this year, but I think it's important to look over what I have achieved, considering I have some ambitious goals to get back into writing more in 2025 (life playing ball and not throwing anymore curveballs withstanding).

Tagging @noona-clock because I know B is still writing, and any of my other wonderful mutuals who write who see this, have a go!

Anyway, here is my Writer's Wrapped.

First Fic of 2024:

Every Damn Time - Park Jinyoung x female reader (published 30th April)

You can tell this entire year has been really hard for me and my mother around her health as this was written at the start of the year, I didn't have time to post it until April. At this point in time, Mum had been pretty dizzy from medication and just really unwell, and I remember writing this story out through tears on my phone in bed to calm down enough to go to sleep. Whilst this wasn't anywhere near as bad as it got, writing or reading really helped me endure everything that went wrong this year for Mum. And of course, I turned to Jinyoung for comfort. If it's not him, it's Kyungsoo lol.

Last Fic:

Missed Me - Park Jinyoung x female reader (published 7th November)

The fact that Jinyoung got me writing again thanks to his military discharge still makes me annoyed. But I'm glad I'm writing again, so I guess this story was a necessary evil. It's technically not the last thing I've written this year, as I have two stories to go up in January already, but it's the last thing I've posted in 2024.

Longest Fic:

Business or Pleasure [M] - Jung Jaehyun x female reader (1608 words)

Yeah, I still cannot believe I wrote a dedicated smut scenario either. Let alone post it online, but here we are.

Most Popular Fic of 2024:

Personal Torture - Bang Chan x female reader (has 127 notes currently)

I still dread returning to the gym thinking about this. I had to quit to take care of Mum full-time soon after writing this as I just couldn't do everything in a day, and now I'm wanting to improve my health so I can look out for myself anddddd definitely not getting a personal trainer any time soon if I return. But I love this story. And if you love Chan, well maybe you should look out for 2025 👀 a series I started like 2-3 years ago is FINALLY getting posted...

Personal Pick:

Well, there's only one fiction left that's not posted above, so let's pick it now.

Roll Into Me - Park Chanyeol x female reader

I dunno why I wrote this, just that I was enjoying playing around with how far I could take my suggestive content without cringing.

*whispers* Business or Pleasure is actually my favourite of them all, but the less said on that, the better.

Total Fics Written:

Five published on here. Two that are unpublished and will be shared next year. Several ideas written down but no progress on yet.

Total Words Written:

4975 - way more than I thought I'd get done.

I also have a fictional world that I write on for my close friends. And I think I did about 3-5k there earlier in the year. I'm really behind in that world actually >_<

Top Artists Muses:

Annoyingly, we know who is my top muse.

In Conclusion:

2024 wasn't the year for me to write, but a year to survive. One that I had pockets of creativity to endure what a shitfest it was for me and my family. Equally, it showed me that writing is helpful, and that I shouldn't feel like I can't do it anymore because I read books now. It's kind of a snobbish sounding response that, but what I mean is, I know I don't have the backbone to publish a book anywhere. I couldn't handle someone like myself who reviews books on the regular trashing anything I write. So I decided, I just can't write anymore somewhere in amongst that thinking.

But I can, and I don't have to publish a novel to prove that. I just have to write in what capacity I choose to.

Let's hope I can give this blog more love in 2025, try new things, keep expanding on what I enjoy writing, and just rediscover my love for writing whilst enduring the grief I'm living through with the death of my mum. I think it will be a cathartic experience.

[delizzie]

The little things you do for love

Description: When you're going through a hard phase Leslie is there to comfort you.

Tags: fluff, comfort, wlw, anxiety, angst with happy ending, girls in love

Tw: anxiety mentioned, and some ocd-symptoms described. 

Story starts under the line.

Hey! This is my first time posting here, also my first wlw fic. English is not my first language, so please forgive me for the bad grammar.

I started the series last week, and I'm in love😍with the one and only Leslie Shay.

I hope she will get her happy ending😊

(I already spoilered it with a tiktok edit.)

This story is inspired by personal experience. 

If you ever feel like this, never forget that you're loved, and you're allowed to have bad days❤️

After a long day, Leslie wanted nothing more than to finally take a hot bath, eat a hearty dinner, and cuddle up with her girlfriend. A smile crossed her face as she thought of Y/N. She had been her partner for over a year, but to this day she still grins like a teenager, her face blushing, her heart beating faster when she thinks about her. She didn’t like to show her sensitive side to the outside world, so only Y/N could enjoy that. Their relationship is almost perfect, and almost is only a necessary adjective because they also have bad days when things don’t go smoothly. Luckily, the happy days dominate. 

“Hello, baby.” she greeted loudly when she entered the apartment. There was no answer. 

She quickly took off her shoes and threw down her bag. Y/N’s keys, shoes, and water bottle were in place, so she knew she was home. They had only been living together in the shared apartment for a few months, but she knew that her partner wouldn't go anywhere without them. She went inside and found Y/N lying on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, headphones on her head, her eyes closed. 

Leslie paused for a moment. Y/N was wrapped in that powder-colored chenille blanket that she had bought for her, because she quickly learned that Y/N was always very cold. Y/N's face was calm, as was her breathing. She liked seeing her like this, because she knew that Y/N had her hard days, too.

She stepped carefully next to her, not wanting to scare her. Y/N's eyes immediately widened as she took off the headphones, her face becoming alarmed, but as soon as she realized it was only Shay, she immediately calmed down, a tired smile spread across her face. 

"You didn't answer when I came in." gave Leslie a small kiss on the cheek.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you." she replied, then pulled the blonde towards her for a proper kiss, who immediately returned it.

"Yeah, that's what I like." Leslie smiled at her cheekily.

"How was your day?"

"Tired. Long as usual. A guy tried to hit on me, but with a line even worse than Peter Mills." she rolled her eyes with a small smile on her face "And you? Something exciting?"

Y/N shook her head.

Leslie already knew the girl pretty well. She knew what she was like when she was happy, she knew that when she was nervous she would drum her feet, or that when she was angry, she would be quiet. She knew that when she was excited, she would talk loudly, and when she got turned on, she would constantly play with the blonde's hair. That's how she also knew what it was like when she had 'one of those' days. Those anxious, hard, patient-trying days. 

And it was also telling that her usual eye makeup was washed off, even though she only took it off when she took a shower in the evening or when she cried.

"Baby, are you okay?" Leslie caressed her face "You're usually playing or watching TV at this time."

"I've had a hard day, but I'm fine now." she said with a forced smile.

"Are you sure? I know you've been a bit stressed lately, your work, my accident, and it's okay if..."

"Leslie, I'm fine." she snapped at her, which immediately made her feel bad, and it was obvious "I'm so sorry. I've just been a bit stressed lately, with all the headaches, tight chest, dizziness, and I think it's really gotten to me today." 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Leslie asked softly, leaning back on the back of the couch.

"Just the usual. Racing mind, all sorts of unpleasant, scary thoughts, I feel like a wrung out sponge. I slept like eight hours last night, but it feels like two." she listed, staring at her hands, her fingers playing with each other.

"I'm sorry." Shay took her hands.

"Now I'm bothering you with my nonsense, which doesn't even exist, when you see terrible things every day and still don't complain." she looked up sadly, tears welling up in her eyes and her voice getting jerky "I hate myself when I'm like this, I feel so guilty about everything, every little thing, and logically I know it's stupid, but I often feel like I'm such a bad and ungrateful person." she sniffed, then took her hand away to look for a tissue. 

“Baby, I…”

“Like today, when there was a lot of work and a deadline looming, and I was just complaining to myself instead of being happy that I have a job, when so many people don’t have one. And now I’m here feeling sorry for myself. I know it's so pathetic, but I can't help, but feel like  I don't deserve this comfortable life.” she shook her head, her expression revealing that she was angry with herself. 

Leslie’s heart nearly broke for her lover. She wished she could help her, take away her doubts, her pain, but since she couldn't, the most she could do was accept and support Y/N.

“You’re not a bad person.”  it was the first thing she could say, because the mere thought of Y/N being anything but a good person outraged her. "Even if that wonderful brain of yours says otherwise, I know you're a good person. I've seen bad people, people who enjoyed the bad things they did, and you'll never be one."

"Leslie..." 

"You're not ungrateful. Just because you get mad sometimes doesn't make you ungrateful. Everyone has days when they hate their job or anything else, but those are just occasions. I probably don't know another person who is as grateful for their life, for their loved ones, for their things as you are. The way you appreciate everything and everyone is unprecedented. If you weren't like that, I wouldn't be with you, and even though you always say I save lives, that's true for you, too." she smiled at her partner, who was already in tears. 

"Oh, Les." she sniffed. 

"You save mine every day, by letting me know that there is someone waiting for me, who loves and accepts me, who can put up with my long shifts, and the fact that I get hurt too often. Your friends, your family, and I, who you always support, know what kind of person you are."

Y/N was wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her sweatshirt, then she threw herself around Leslie's neck, and hugged her like there was no tomorrow. The blonde held the girl tightly, and stroked her back.

"Thank you for being there for me." Y/N looked at her with eyes sparkling with tears.

"You don't have to thank me." Leslie stroked her face with a small, but all the more loving smile "When you massage my back, when you make food for me, when you always make sure my favorite snacks are at home, when you listen without judgment. That's when you thank me, and I hope I can make you feel how important you are to me, too."

"You can." she said with a small chuckle "When you say things like that, even though I know you're not very emotional, I always know." 

"Then it's good, because I'm only like that with you." she laughed.

"Oh, believe me, I enjoy it." she smiled cheekily as he twirled a blonde lock of hair. "What you said was so beautiful, but you know that reassurance seeking doesn't help, right? I mean, it does for the moment, but in the long run it's not good, and I gabble again..."

Y/N couldn't finish her sentence because Leslie silenced her with a kiss that was as sweet as honey. 

"What did you say?" the blonde asked cheekily as she ruffled the other's hair. 

"Nothing." she replied in a soft voice. "I know myself well enough to know that I'll be fine in a few days, but until then you'll have to put up with this." she added with a shy smile. 

"Oh, believe me, I'm not just putting up with you. I, baby, enjoy every minute we spend together." she said, then pulled Y/N into a deep, wild kiss again.

[piece-of-the-pie-if]

How would the ROs react to seeing a hickey on the MC during crushing stage?

- Sincerely, an Angst Gremlin.

my most lovely gremlin of angst, i hope to do my due diligence and serve you justly! 😈

DYLAN──sitting behind you in class (MC has long hair)

Dylan was never usually in class before you─not that either of you were particularly late people─so on the occasion they were they liked to let you know, a little meaningless competition between the two of you that had started after you started speaking to eachother properly.

You had stumbled into class seconds before the bell rang, signally the start of lessons, and you rushed to your seat, being the only one still standing as the ringing stopped. Your seat was the one right in front of Dylan's─same as the year previous─ and you sent them a fleetingly sweet smile before practically collapsing into your chair.

Professor Bharti had started the lesson before Dylan had the chance to even whisper a word to you, so they resigned themselves to striking up a conversation when the lesson lulled a little.

Movement of your arms caught Dylan's attention, directing it from the chalk board to the way you shrugged off your jacket, trying to be as quiet as possible. A small smile curled at their lips at your consideration, their eyes taking your frame and endearing movements a little longer. They were about to focus back to the board when you reached behind your head to untuck you hair──pulling it away from your neck and gathering it all to one side, revealing your neck.

Dylan practically felt the breath escaping their lungs at the sight, your skin marred by two significant bruises, one bigger and darker than the other, tucked into the crook of your neck. They watched as you gently fanned yourself with your hand, huffing slightly reminding Dylan that you had been out of breath as well as late.

Their mind went on overdrive. All rational left them, like the fact that you most likely were out of breath because you had ran to make it of time──that just because the marks on your neck were new to Dylan, it didn't mean they were new to you to make you late for class. No, now all Dylan could do was stare at the hickey's on your neck, feeling dizzy as they had to remind themself to breathe.

Where did you━no, who did you get them from?

Dylan liked to call their overreacting imagination the gift of creation but right now all they could visualise was face after face, body after body, as they tried to think of who would've had the pleasure, the gall, to give you such marks.

They got more agitated the longer they kept at it, no one being quite good enough of a fit for you, not even in the positions in which they couldn't even see their face.

They shook their head, trying to physically shake away the thoughts of their new friend. They shouldn't be thinking like this, the rumours were just rumours afterall──they had never really taken them to heart before, never really entertaining the idea that you could have actual feelings for them.

You evidently did not.

Dylan wasn't entirely sure why their chest tightened at the thought. Perhaps they should though, for when you turned to look back at them from over your shoulder, a playful glint in your eyes as you made a gesture to comment on the lesson they hadn't been listening to, their heart lurched in their chest at the yearning ache──at the final thought that the perfect person they could visualise for you was, in fact, them.

SHAY──during study hall (it's a hot day)

He had to admit, having classrooms with un-openable windows should be considered a sin. Especially on too─warm summer days.

The two of you had been given a spare classroom to use and, because it was empty so you didn't have to stay quiet out of consideration for others, you took it without a second thought. You probably should've had that second thought, to wonder why it was an empty classroom to begin with.

Shayne hadn't been listening to what you were explain for at least five minutes. You had shed your overcoat and loosened your collar away from your neck and when Shay had glanced up to meet your gaze as you started explaining something his eyes couldn't help but wander down the column of your throat, down to the stretch of skin at your colour, mismatched in an assortment of bruises that circled your neck like a necklace.

"Shay? Shay!" You called to him fingers coming to wave Infront of his face, cutting off his view of the torturous sight.

"What, yeah?" He stammered eyes flickering to meet yours and literally anything else, unable to settle on one thing or another.

"What's up with you today?" You asked, innocently enough. Shayne had to force a cough to give his brain more time to formulate an adequate enough excuse. He couldn't very well admit the churning jealousy in his stomach at the mere sight of faded hickeys now could he?

He decided to blame the weather. "It's so damn hot in here," he groaned, sifting in his seat and keeping his gaze literally anywhere but your figure. "My brain isn't listening to anything──it's yellin' at me to go dunk my head in ice water or som'in'."

You slowly nodded, eyes narrowing slightly at his rather... uncharacteristic... behaviour. You eventually shrugged, "Well, you got that right. Can't believe these windows are just for show──who even designs windows that don't open?"

And so the two of you divulge into a pointless conversation about windows, and Shay doesn't look back at you at all until the bell rang out to end your study period, for the mere thought of the marks sucked into your skin made his inside want to fall into themselves.

He didn't want to think about it anymore, not the thought of you being even more unattainable than he had thought.

KINSLEY──across the lunch hall (angry pining from afar)

You were sat at your usual table, Kinsley noticed, the one at the edge of the lunch hall. The one that seemed the furthest away from her own table, taking pride of place one the elevated level, framing the four tables on it like royalty.

Her eyes couldn't seem to keep from falling back to your table, however. Maybe just you──Kinsley had no interest in the nobody that was C West or the other addition to your troupe of losers Theo Wesley.

"Kinney what are you even looking at?" The shrill voice of Tiffany grated on her ears, and Kinsley had to fight the urge to roll her eyes so hard at the annoying nickname her friend wouldn't give up on.

"Nothing." She almost snapped, her reply coming out too quick, too sharp to be nothing at all──but Tiffany hadn't lifted her eyes from her phone's screen and V hadn't shifted their gaze from their textbook in fifteen minutes.

Her eyes fell back upon you. Zeroes in the the purpling bruises on the side of your neck, just under your jaw. Hickeys──you had hickeys.

Kinsley didn't know why she cared, it wasn't as if she was jealous of you─she could get hickeys from anyone she asked─and she couldn't possibly be jealous for you because, well... because she couldn't!

The tendons in her jaw tightened as her teeth began grinding down on each other at the pesky visions of you getting those hickeys. She fought off the urge to physically swat the air as her thoughts shimmered into images of her giving you those bruises.

The pain in her palms forced her to look down at them─making her realise that she had been staring you down─the small cresent moons indented into her skin leaving her to face some more... complicated feelings.

Her eyes flickered back towards your table, watching you too your head back in laughter and playful swat at your bespectacled friend. Kinsley shook her eyes and lifted her hand to move her own head away from the scene.

She couldn't afford to... waste her time on the love life─she scoffed outwardly, shooting filthy looks to those who turned to look at her─of some loser.

But as the bell rang out, signalling the end of lunch, her traitorous gaze found itself trained on your disappearing back, walking away from her──the distance carving an ache in her chest she didn't want to acknowledge anymore.

J──at someone's house party (MC is wearing a halter neck, alluding to MC making J jealous on purpose)

J's eyes had locked on to your figure the second you had entered the house──literally, since they had a clear view of the front door from their place in the living room.

Thank the lord for open plan living, they guess.

It wasn't often the two of you showed up at the same party──J's circle ran more with college students and you, well you weren't invited to many parties in the past. But here they were, loosely gripping the red plastic cup (how stereotypical) in their hand, and there you were beaming brightly at the person who had greater you, shrugging off your jacket and hesitantly handing it over to them.

The grip on J's cup tightened slightly, the flimsy sides caving in on themselves a little. You were certainly dressed for a party... and the revealing nature of your outfit did wonders for your figure.

However, the halter neck of the top of your outfit, while it helped to cover your chest and base of your throat, did you no favours in concealing the smattering of bruises around your collar bones and the junction between them and the sides of your neck.

Not as helpless and innocent as J thought you to be then, not with those bruises, lining each side of your neck like an intricately designed tattoo, loving crafted and painstakingly gifted. J was sure that if they weren't already faded you would've made more of an effort to hide them. Perhaps you wore them with pride, the way your body language showed no attempt of shying away or hiding them with your hands.

J's eyes flickered back up to your face, catching your gaze as you stared towards them intently. Your face was blank, the wide smile from earlier diminished into nothing but a thin line between your lips. J took note of the way your eyes flickered to the people around them, most notably the short girl under their arm, yammering away into their ear about nothing J cared to listen to.

You turned away, attention being grabbed by the person you had come with, their hand snaking around your waist as they pressed a short kiss to the side of your jaw──your eyes coming back to J as the action happened.

The feeling of liquid on their fingers shook J from the scene, snapping their focus to the broken cup in their hand, the drink slipping out from the cracks in the plastic and falling to the floor in a stream of droplets.

When they looked back to where you had been, to no longer see you, they roughly excused themselves to find a more sturdy cup, maybe something bigger, to drown away the thought of you with someone other than them.

THEO──during one of C's sleepovers

"Look at you!" C laughs, pointing a finger in your direction, "trying to become a leopard in your spare time, are we?"

"Shut up!" You exclaim, shooting C a playful glare as you lift a hand to the side of your neck. "It's not that bad, is it? Theo?"

At the call of their name Theo can no longer pretend to be invisible. The reason C had even called out your new marks in the first place was because you were getting changed, your shirt discarded on the floor as you rummaged around a MC designated draw in C's chest of drawers. Theo had forced themself to look away, not wanting you to feel their stare as you changed──seeing as they hadn't ever stared when you had done so before.

Clearing their throat, knowing that not answering you would be even more suspicious, Theo mustered up a small and short lived smile as they glanced your way from less than a second. "It's not that bad," they agreed, before a weakly playful smile wobbled over their lips "if you're not afraid of the leopard look that is. Your backs practically covered!"

"Yeah, Peach! Who's the lucky person?" C winked, shimmying over to you and shaking you back and forth slightly. Theo's stomach churned at the sound of your giggles bubbling out from your lips.

"As of right now they're a one night stand," you teased C, sticking your tongue out before finally pulling the shirt you planned to sleep in over your head. "Though, with the way they were this morning, one night was not enough for either of us." You winked as you untucked the tag from sticking to the back of your neck, "so who knows?"

"Yes!" C exclaimed. "My baby's all grown up now! Getting laid and shit!" The two of you erupted into fits of laughter and even though Theo tried hard to join in, they couldn't help the devastation that flooded them, all the way down to their nerve endings.

They faked a long yawn, trying to make it as realistic as possible, mumbling something about retiring to bed as they turned their back on you, missing the way C's eyes lingered on their back, eyebrows furrowing in too-late-understanding.

Theo just couldn't bare it anymore, knowing that the wide and playful grin on your lips certainly was not because of them anymore──if it had ever been at all.

[aahrealposting]

talkaboutit

story with rosie and serena (they're girlfriends here)

serena: and you didn't?

rosalia, confused: no, of course i didn't.

serena, also confused, but laughing: what? he totally deserved it! you could've gotten your lick back after he pulled that shit. start like, hissing, turning into smoke, all of that. he would've cried to his stupid mortal momma about it.

rosie was cornered once, long before she met serena. it was her first few years of maturing not only physically, in her mortal body, but as a vampire, as it laid dormant in her dna. her father was finally out of the picture at that point, the human life rosie celebrated with her mother not doing it for him anymore. rosie always wonders where he is these days, but sometimes she'll see him. when a coyote drops a dead field mouse on her doorstep, she knows it's him again. when there's a flyer for a rooftop party between the hours of 9pm to 4am, she recognizes the moniker he's chosen for his dj name. when she's freshly 15 and a random human man tries to bait her into biting him, as a "joke", she knows it's because of what he left inside her when he left for good. whatever. she didn't ask to be born this way. it's not her fault other vampires think she's a joke and humans think she's an exotic little oddball.

rosalia, sitting on serena & leyla's couch, back on the cushions as she is upside down, fringe flipped to tickle the well-kept floor, from this angle serena looks like a giant, a saltwater goddess in a mini skirt: i can't even...

serena, tickling rosie's knee with a freshly dried set of nails: hmm?

rosalia, blood rushing to her head: i can't... do... any of that stuff.

which is true. she's never tried shape shifting, never read anyone's mind, never used glamor, never even sped or flew her way to class when she went to college, got in a lot of trouble because of it. she's never done anything "cool" with her vampirism, to much people's- odd and mortal alike- disappointment. vampirism for rosie is only taking the night shift at her tattoo parlor, ordering a dark red slushie with as much syrup as they'll let her get, and getting dizzy when too many right angles are in the same place. she dreads her monthly feeding, waiting in line at the food bank and getting weird looks for having a medium sized black suitcase under her arm, when all the other humans have cans of beans and loaves of bread.

serena, shocked: what?! no way, nooo way, you can hover, i've seen you do it.

rosalia: i can hover, i can't do all that other... um...

serena sees that she's making her nervous, uncomfortable, but finds it cute. rosie's hands always cross her chest when she's getting defensive. very dracula. makes it even harder to believe that her sweetheart doesn't "have" any extra abilities.

serena: okay, well, if you can hover, you can fly. don't you have wings?

rosalia, groaning: that's a birth defect.

she's talking about the fuzzy nubs at the bottom of her shoulder blades. serena has a habit of grabbing them when they have sex.

rosalia: they go away when i feel normal.

she means when she goes months at a time without feeding. no one recommends this, odd doctor or human doctor, but she likes to push herself. likes to feel her fangs dull and tips of her ears get round. it doesn't matter, ultimately, as the more she ages the more people see what they want to see: their desire is always mirrored by the vampire's appearance. walking down the street, she can always tell by the way men look her up and down, or the way women cover their children's eyes, that there's something she can never really hide. to them, she exists as extreme beauty, breathtaking to the point of threatening. she can especially tell by the age people assume her to be. she's so lucky to have serena, the only person she's met that's attracted to her because she looks like an adult. and other stuff too, but it's a relief to her perceived youthfulness. too many people, like that rotten human begging to be bitten, see her as a nymphette with a driver's license. serena is different, always has been.

rosalia: but i shave the hair off when they grow back-

serena, her hands over her face, dramatic: oh! don't tell me that! i don't wanna hear about you shaving, please, it kills me!

rosalia, rising from the ground, hovering above it while still upside down on the couch, smile on her face: what? you don't have any body hair!

they both look at each other, realization of what rosie said making serena beam, hiding her smile with her nails.

rosalia: okay, whatever, i didn't say anything.

serena starts to laugh.

rosalia: fucking stop! i didn't mean it okay, i forgot, i'm-

serena is clutching her sides, jewelry dangling through her laughter.

rosalia, now smiling herself, ears burning a deep pink: whatever. whatever. fish girl.

serena: ooh, i'm sooo scared.

rosie is being pulled in by her shirt for an apology kiss, and they have sex. rosie hisses whenever serena searches for her- currently smooth- tertiary appendages.

serena: me next.

rosalia: what?

serena, devious: bite meeee, pleaseeee.

rosalia, unable to focus on the rhythm of their bodies: cut it out.

serena, pouting: if you loved me you'd do it.

rosalia, stopping. her heart is beating too fast. she can hear serena's. she can feel the sides of her body flutter, almost gill-like. she knows she'd love it, love her, with or without the bite, and is just fucking with her. rosie takes it seriously, though. she closes her mouth over her woman's, grabbing as much of her body as she could fit into her two hands, and they finish, serena's breaths of pleasure trapped between rosie's lips.

rosie, sweaty, heart still pounding, irises gone, a sharp, dark green pupil left, her fangs bares. in a brief moment without any self control, she drags her bottom pair over serena's neck, stopping herself when she reaches her jaw.

rosalia, voice deep yet distant, an echo in their quiet setting, more akin to a long, hollow pit of snakes than any person's voice: i love you too much to ever do that to you. you understand? ever.

serena pulls her in for another kiss.

[mikebetsonlosingdogs]

val introduction/masterpost

okay since this is her official debut on the internet i might go a little insane and write essays here, so fair warning. i’ve had this character bouncing around my head and into fics for years now so i’ll probably just pin this post and edit it with new details as i remember them. might make it a master post eventually.

so here’s some things you need to know about valentine “val” redwood.

pre brba:

childhood:

val’s upbringing was tense, to say the least. her family was very white, very middle class, and very concerned with appearances. she was a naturally smart kid, though never as smart as her older brother alex.

her father was abusive and alcoholic, and she often found herself trying to bargain with him or talk her way out of dangerous situations. her mother was nicer, at least on paper, but was caught in the tragedy of being married to a husband who turned so cruel.

val’s mother was always very concerned with appearances. her and her brother had to be perfect at all times. straight A’s, always polite, always smiling, always straining to meet the ever raising bar she held out for them.

alex somehow managed to meet it, his work ethic was always absurdly strong and he was gifted to the extreme. val though, always seemed to fall just short. she got straight A’s, but she couldn’t keep still at the dinner table. she was polite, but always somehow forgot not to speak to her mother’s friends unless spoken to. alex was a tattle tale, too. he always let their parents know if he screwed up. val grew up resenting her older brother for being so perfect seemingly without trying.

teen years:

when val hit high school, alex’s senior year, it was immediately clear that she finally had an advantage that alex didn’t. that advantage being boobs and a pretty face. she learned pretty quickly how to get boys to do what she wanted, even if it made her sick with herself sometimes. it gave her an extra bargaining chip, at least.

val maintained her position as a straight A student, always praised for being so much like her brother. she resented the comparison, but never dared to correct any of her teachers on it. academically, she was set to excel. she took AP classes when she could, took a special interest in english and government, and started studying for her LSAT sophomore year, dead set on becoming a lawyer, since her only two options were doctor or lawyer according to her mother, and blood always made her dizzy.

she had this hard ass chemistry teacher her junior year. one who’s criticism was sharp, and who’s praise was rare and understated. this only made val crave the validation more. not only wanting to prove to mr white that she could exceed his expectations, but to hear him say it. she never quite got the grand praise she wanted, but she managed to get him to crack a smile now and then, and he always wrote “good work” or “well studied” on her papers in red marker.

still, her father’s anger and the constant pressure of maintaining her mother’s image were crushing, and by her senior year, she wasn’t sure how much more she could take. alex had been away to military college since her sophomore year, studying to be an officer, and despite herself, she missed having him around. he took some of their parents attention off her, at least.

it was christmas break her senior year when everything changed. alex was home for the holidays, ever the polite and perfect son. his life seemed to be going perfect. which is why it was such a shock when he shot himself in their garage on new year’s eve. right as the fireworks went off. as if he didn’t want the sound to disturb anyone, even for this.

his note was blameless, mostly just a long apology, but val suspected. she didn’t realize just how much the high expectations were weighing on him, too. not until that night. val made a choice. she couldn’t take this house any longer, and she was 18 now after all, so she packed a bag and struck out on her own, dropping out of high school, much to the surprise of her teachers, and vowing to never set foot in that house again.

her party era and meeting jesse:

val dyed her hair, changed her clothes, started renting a shitty one bedroom apartment with a stranger named joey (bad idea), and quickly found herself living party to party. she started just by drinking herself silly and having passive makeout sessions with whatever guy was around, and quickly upped the ante to harder drugs (meth coke and ecstasy,) and reckless sex. she found pretty quickly that she could get her drinks and most of her drugs free if she flirted hard enough. the power trip that she found flirting with boys in high school turns quickly into glorified prostitution for the thrill of it. she spent so much of her life trying to be the smartest in her class, it's wild and freeing to just be sexy and high and stupid.

it's at one of these parties that she meets jesse. a friend of a friend of his spikes her drink, and he warns her about it. val is so reckless and manic at this point that she just thanks him, shrugs it off casually, and keeps dancing, not thinking about it any more than that. jesse asks her if she even cares, and she brushes him off and says that it's no big deal. because to her, nothing is anymore. jesse is reasonably concerned by this, and decides to keep an eye out for her whenever he sees her at these parties.

which is a good thing, because a couple months later, she's across the room at a noisy party caught in a screaming match with joey, who is now her main dealer and casual sex buddy as well as her roommate. he berates her for being a free loader and a slut, both accusations that she can't deny, as joey is now paying her rent in exchange for sex. still, she calls him an asshole for it, and he tells her to pack her shit first thing tomorrow morning. she throws her drink on him, and he hits her.

jesse, who's been watching from across the room, immediately jumps to step in and try to de escalate. when that clearly won't work, he steps between them and intimidates joey into leaving. he asks val what happened, and she tells him everything, still drunk and angry and insistent that she had the situation under control. jesse asks if she has a place to go tomorrow when she leaves, and she says no, so he offers to let her crash at his for a few days. she takes him up on it, assuming that sex is part of this exchange. when jesse says that it's not, even seeming shocked and appalled that she thinks he'd want to take advantage of a hurt and vulnerable 18-year-old, (jesse is only 22, so it's not that unreasonable, but he already feels something of a protective older brother thing. his intrinsic need to help out those with a bad hand in life. think peekaboo.) val actually self reflects for the first time since alex died.

val ends up staying with jesse for a few nights before finding an apartment of her own, and they develop something of a brother/sister bond in that time, both of them starved enough for connection and so strongly loyal that it doesn't take long for them to get really close. she moves out, on her own this time, finds a night job at a gas station, and they stay in touch.

[sabraeal]

Greatest Little Show on Earth

[Read on AO3]

It’s quiet for the back lot, even for this time of night. Just the hum of the floodlight and the chirp of crickets out in the grass, hopping to safety as they wade the last few feet up to the blacktop. Shirayuki squints across it, searching trailer stoops and picnic tables, but there’s not a hint of clowns laughing too loud, or jugglers bobbling illicit alcohol containers out of view. Not a single acrobat out there either, finding new ways to endanger themselves on everyday equipment. For once, she has to admit, she’s disappointed.

“Well, would you look at that?” Obi huffs, pausing at the edge of the pavement. With a shift and a shimmy, he hikes Ryuu’s floppy limbs over his shoulders, adjusting them like a scarf.  “Little bit of food poisoning and everyone’s got the wind taken out of their sails.”

“Food poisoning can be very serious.” There’s vials in the lab’s freezer labeled things like E. coli 2012 Munich McDonalds and S. enterica 2008 Atlanta Taco Bell; she’d laughed the first time she’d seen them, until Garrack reminded her that they didn’t store strains without a body count. “And besides, it was only Concessions that went out to sushi last night. That shouldn’t be keeping everyone else from, er…”

Having too good a time insinuates that she’s never stayed up past her bedtime, being too loud too late at night while her friends stealthily passed around beer liberated from someone’s garage fridge. Which she hadn’t; high school Shirayuki had been early to bed, early to rise— up until college, where she discovered just what havoc a chemistry final could wreak on a healthy sleep schedule. But Obi doesn’t need to know that. Not when she still hasn’t figured out just when he gets his shut eye around here.

“They’re a bunch of teenagers. They’re idiots.” He chuckles to himself, reaching up to give Ryuu’s shaggy mop a good ruffle. “Present company excluded. Can’t get them to believe that if they kiss every clown playing spin the bottle, we’ll have to send them home with mono, but tell them that they need to wash their hands real good or they’ll get the runs, and suddenly they think they can get it through their eyeballs”

It’s impossible to smother her giggle, but she at least keeps the volume low enough that it doesn’t echo across the whole lot. “That sounds like experience.”

“It is,” he promises, the shadows clinging onto a corner of his smirk. “A couple summers of this and you’ll know all you need to know about the adolescent psyche. Which mostly boils down to: a kid by themselves is a genius, but a group of them has less sense than a clown car.”

Two years ago, the Shirayuki that had stepped fresh off the bus from Tanbarun with nothing but the lab’s address in her pocket would have demured, would have said something like, I don’t know if that’s very fair, or that’s because they’re just learning how to take care of themselves.

The Shirayuki that’s spent those same two years in Garrack Gazelt’s lab says, “I think that’s just people.”

“Makes sense then, doesn’t it?” It’s funny how he can slant a smile at her, and suddenly it’s a secret, shared between the two of them. “Since they’re just people too.”

“Yeah.” A little more wild, in her experience, and stubborn for sure, but well— Yuzuri’s a bit wild too, hanging from silks and rings, spiraling from dizzying heights with only confidence and skill as her net. And Shidan’s just as stubborn, keeping the whole tour on schedule even through floods and fatigue and teenage angst. “I guess that’s true.”

Obi’s boots scuff up to a stoop, and he reaches up to ruffle once again, with a little more purpose this time. “Okay, bucko, this is the last stop. Time for all good geniuses to get to bed.”

Ryuu blinks up blearily, cheek still pressed into Obi’s shoulder. He might be fifteen, just a hair shy of a growth spurt that will make him look like an adult, but right now he reminds her of nothing more than a toddler, roused by the transfer from car to crib.

“Obi?” he creaks. “Where…?”

“Your trailer. You sacked out while we were wrapping up the till, champ. Hey, Kirito.” Obi slams hard on the door. “Can you come help a guy out, here?”

The aluminum wibbles open, and a grumpy thatch of blond glares out. “Bro, what’s your—? Oh, damn, you find him under a counter or something?”

“He sat down while we were closing out the register,” Shirayuki explains, swallowing down a giggle as Ryuu flops between Obi and Kirito, boneless. “I guess it’s been a long day.”

Ryuu’s not a big kid, but there’s a lot more of him now than when they arrived. Kirito stumbles, trying to make sense out of the mess of limbs. “I’ll say. You sure he’s okay?”

“Oh, yeah, definitely.” She reaches out, smoothing a curl off his forehead. “He’d fall asleep under his desk at the lab too. We put a little curtain up in his cube for privacy.”

Kirito huffs, slinging one of Ryuu’s arms around his neck. “Hard to believe this guy does real work.”

“I’m the youngest college graduate of my university,” Ryuu slurs out, helpful. “Shirayuki. Thank you.”

A laugh bubbles up behind her smile. “Oh, it’s no problem, Ryuu. It was really Obi who got you all the way back. You know I’m happy to—“

“No, not that.” He’s still half asleep, but his gaze fixes on her through the net of his eyelashes, as intense as when he’s awake. “For coming here with me. I’m having a lot of fun.”

There’s a prickle at the corners of her eyes, but it would embarrass him if she teared up now. The last things teenagers like is a sappy adult. “It’s my pleasure, Ryuu. You deserve it.”

He nods, all formal and stiff, the way he had the first time she’d spoken to him, asking if he could show her how to use the flow cytometer. With a lift of his chin, he turns to Kirito and announces, “I would like to be unconscious now.”

The kid sighs, patting him on the shoulder. “Yeah, yeah. You and me both.”

The door slams behind them, rattling in it frame, and then it’s just her and Obi underneath the floodlights, shadows so long they merge. She squints across the pavement, just barely able to pick out the big top at the horizon, nearly lost in the trees.

“Well,” she says, her voice suddenly too loud in the silence. “Even with all the food poisoning and last minute shifts, it turned out to be a pretty nice night.”

Obi hums, hands sliding into the pockets of his jeans. Black jeans, which she’s never seen before, too nice to be worn while fixing the generator or unclogging the shower’s piping. The shirt’s new to her too, a nice red crew neck with three buttons down the front, two of them undone and the sleeves rolled up. No holes, either, which is a first for his wardrobe, and she nearly says something, nearly says, do you only dress up for front house or is tonight special? But—

But he just slants a look down at her— another secret, just between them— and says, “You know, it doesn’t have to end.”

  Even the big top’s dark this late at night , all hunkered down like some mythical beast in its hundred year slumber. But when Obi holds open the flap, moonlight illuminating the packed earth beyond, and she just…walks right in. Blows right past every klaxon blaring in her mind and slips into its silky maw, waiting at he ties the flap back.

“I don’t think we’re supposed to be here.” It’s impossible to speak louder than a whisper with the cavernous darkness of the ring pressing in around her. “The kids have already cleaned up, and they’re not supposed to be here after it’s been checked.”

“It’s fine.” Obi brushes past her, waving a lazy hand. “The kids can’t come back here, sure, but we’re grown adults. We’ve signed waivers and everything.”

Her shoes pull up short at the shadow’s edge. “That’s not really filling me with confidence, Obi.”

He sighs— not impatient or frustrated, like she’s used to, a goad used to hurry her along, but…fond. Like he’d been waiting for the protest, like that had been part of the script he’d written for the evening, and she’s merely playing her role.

“C’mon, Doc,” he says, little more than a rumble in the darkness. “I’ll make sure you don’t break a toe.”

“Shouldn’t we turn on a light or some—oh.” His fingers wrap around her wrist, so long they overlap on the other side, and she just…loses her train of thought. “Okay.”

“Don’t worry, your eyes adjust.” She’s heard that sort of promise before— don’t worry, I have you and it’ll be easier once you just do it— but they never account for how clumsy she is on her own too feet, how unsure, but—

But Obi keeps it, guiding her slowly through the stands and over the barrier of the ring, his hands burning where they settle on her hips. Even though she can barely see, she somehow always knows where he is in front of her, or how he wants her to move with little more than a breath and a touch. And when he finally guides her onto a stacked set of mats, he’s right. With the vents on the tent and the opened flaps, the moonlight illuminates the ring as bright as the spots.

“Here,” he says, pressing something cold into her hands. A bottle. “Refreshment.”

It only takes one sip for her to choke. “Is this alcohol?”

They don’t sell those at concessions— with a bunch of minors running it, that would be asking for trouble— and yet beneath all the fruit juice, this is definitely, definitely booze.

“It’s mine. Stashed them at the ticket counter.” His teeth flash white as he settles next to her. “Figured the kids would pack up early tonight, and then you’d finally get a look at the place when it’s not all dolled up.”

“Is that…?” She takes another sip, longer this time, and unlike the beers Garrack used to press on her at lab happy hour, it’s not bitter. “…Is that important?”

“A right of passage,” he informs her, shoulder bumping hers. Her stomach flutters in surprise. “Gotta see what it’s like when the lights aren’t on and crowd’s all gone. That’s how you know if you really love it.”

“O-oh.” It is nice like this, all quiet, like the caves she used to play in back home. “So, someone took you out too? Earlier in the tour, or…?”

“No, I-- did Yuzuri never tell you?” He laughs, surprised. “Usually she can’t keep her mouth shut.”

All at once, the roost of butterflies in her stomach wither. “Oh, are you two—? I though she— that Suzu—“

He coughs around his drink. “Yuzuri and me? No, no. God, no. I meant that I was an aerialist. Back when I first came here.”

Shirayuki blinks. “And then they made you back lot manager? That’s a strange career trajectory.”

“Nah, nah.” His hand waves in front of him, the motion strangely staccato in the half-light. “When I was in the camp.”

“In the camp?” Tonight’s the first time she’s ever seen him out of his band tee and cargo pants, and now he’s asking her to imagine spangly leotards and stirrup pants? Impossible. “You came here?”

“Yeah, when I was a kid.” His shoulders jump, a casual shrug that misses it mark. “Court order, actually.”

Yuzuri always jokes that if Obi’s breathing, he’s talking, but it’s never like— like this. About himself. Then again, Shirayuki can understand why he might keep a checkered history close to his chest. Especially at a camp for kids. “Court…order?”

“Ah, yeah yeah. Fell into a rough crowd when I was in middle school or whatever. Got caught.” He grins at that, like he’s proud of it. “Judge thought twelve was a little young for a kid to get a record, so she pulled some strings. Guess she knew the guy running this— not Shidan, he was just an instructor then— and she must have thought that if my idle hands were kept busy on the trapeze, I wouldn’t have any left for trouble.”

“Ah…” Another sip steadies her, gives her the courage to ask, “Did it work?”

“Just learned to get up to a different sort of trouble.” He winks, too charming, and she has no trouble at all imagining what shape that sort took. No wonder Yuzuri always rolled her eyes when he hung around, telling him, buzz off and root around in some other flower, bumblebutt. “But I came here every summer until the scholarship money dried up.”

There’s a story in that, she knows, but he’s already sharing so much of himself she can’t bring herself to pry. Not about that, at least. “Is that why you came back? Because you miss it?”

“Sure isn’t because I love unclogging trailer toilets, that’s for sure.” He hooks his hands behind his head, leaning back. “They did right by me. The old boss, and Shidan too. I like to come back when I can. Now that I work for my uncle— ah, not my real uncle, it’s complicated— I’ve got summers I can spend on this. Time to help some other kids learn a different type of trouble.”

“Oh?” It’s a struggle to keep her mouth straight as she asks, “Like Ryuu?”

That gets him, a nice thunderstorm of a laugh that rolls over her from head to toe. “I think he’ll be finding a different sort of trouble all right. Can’t see mine interesting him.”

“Probably not,” she agrees, a giggle bubbling around the edges of it. “So you still do it though? I mean the acrobat stuff, not the, um, trouble.”

He snorts. “I don’t get up to as much trouble as I used to, I can tell you that much, Doc. But the circus tricks…” His eyes skim over the tent. “Here, hold this.”

His bottle settles into her hands, cold against her palms, and he doesn’t so much stand up as unfurl. “Looks like the kids were playing with the lyra before they cleared out. Have it down at practice height and everything.”

With a squint, she sees it’s true, the silvery rim of the aerial hoop dangling at his shoulder. Still too tall for her, despite all of Yuzuri’s off-hours coaching, but Obi hooks his knees up and over it it with speed that speaks of muscle memory, of a trick done a hundred times until it was as natural as breathing. With the subtlest swing, he pulls himself up, perching on the ring like the hanging birds her nanna liked to keep in the sunroom, spinning every time the wind blew. Birdchimes, she’d called them, though they’d never made a sound.

“Wow,” she breathes. “You’re just as good at the kids!”

“I did try to do it professionally,” he explains, fitting his feet to the bottom of the hoop and pushing himself up. “Got into Cirque du Soliel even.”

“Really?”

“Hah, don’t get excited,” he teases, wrapping himself around the top of the ring now. “I only lasted six months.”

“Oh?” Her mouth curves as she stands, handing him his bottle. “Trouble?”

“Worse.” He takes a long drag on the drink before he hands it back, grin bright in the moonlight. “French Canadians. I like weird, but those guys are another level. Quit and never looked back.”

Her only point of reference is Mitsuhide, who maybe likes spreadsheets more than a normal person should, and is so nice he makes her look like selfish. Which might be it’s own kind of weird, but…

“So what about you, Doc?” He slides down, putting his back to one side and kicking up a leg on the other for balance. Man in the Moon, Yuzuri would call it. “Don’t often see academics running away to the circus.”

“Ah…” Her mouth takes a rueful tilt. “Yeah, I think if we leave, it’s mostly just to open bakeries.”

His eyes are obscured by the shadow of his brow, but she does see those hike up, furrowing in confusion. “Really? I’d like to see that.”

It’s nice it’s so dark; he can’t possibly see her blush. “Maybe if we ever go some place with an over that doesn’t, er…”

“Make everything charcoal briquettes?”

Shirayuki grimaces. “Yeah, that. I do make a mean cookie.”

“Ah, Doc, I don’t think you could make anything mean. But you didn’t answer the question.” He leans out of the ring, head tipped back, until his mouth is level with hers. “What kind of trouble are you looking for?”

That’s the thing about Obi, it’s all simple with him; talking, working, just being with him feels natural.  There’s no complications, no worries, just the frisson of him so close to her it feels like lightning just under her skin. It’s nothing to lean it, to cup the back of his head and press her lips to his, catching his gasp on her tongue.

At least, it feels that way, until he topples right out of the ring.

“Oh!” Her lips still tingle when she pressed her hand to them, electric. “I’m sorry, I just thought that— that there was a vibe? That— ah, I must have been—“

“No, no!” Her scrambles to his feet, all limbs. “That vibe is very correct. You should definitely keep feeling that vibe. I just…won’t fall like an idiot this time.”

He reaches out to her, his smile no longer confident but hopeful, the rough calluses of his fingers catching behind her elbows.

“I think I messed up,” she blurts out, and oh, it’s terrible to watch his face fall like that, to watch him falter. “No, I mean. Not this. It’s just…”

He blinks. “Shirayuki?”

Ah, it would have been nice for him to say her name at any other point than this. “I sort of…already have…? I mean, I was sort of seeing someone before I came here.”

Those eyebrows hike again. “Sort of?”

“Ah…” She grimaces. “He might…sort of…be the reason I’m here. Partly.”

He takes in a deep breath, and guides her to the mats. “All right, Doc,” he says, sitting down beside her. She nearly squeaks in relief when he wraps an arm around her. “Keep talking.”

[stayp1eceposts]

I'd like to tell you about the first time I went to an ikea alone.

I've only been in an ikea a few times in my life (even tho I'm kinda Swedish) and that was when I was like 4 or smth with my mom. When I moved out last year i moved really close to an ikea and planned a little outing for myself to just explore ikea. See what they had to offer and if it really was as confusing as the internet people say.

I went in, and was already confused. How did I enter the actual store? Oh apparently some weird escelators that was just there in the middle of everything. Alright then.

I go up and I just start walking. Looking around, but not too much cause I don't actually need anything, just scoping out anything I could potentially buy when I had the money for it.

I was texting my best friend the whole time, she was a regular so she knew her way around the store. I did not.

There's toilets on the wall, beds floating and random rooms just constructed in the store.

After I got over cultural shock after cultural shock and almost an hour of walking, I found the cafeteria. I have a lot of family in Sweden so all the food was very familiar to me and I bought something to eat and sat down while pondering how to get out.

I finished the good food and started my quest: get out

How young and naive I was thinking it would be easy. This is when my agony truly started.

I found the elevators and descended, the doors opened and-

Lo and behold there was more fucking stuff.

Here I started panicking a bit. Would I ever get out?

When I got to the light room - literally a room full of lamps and nightlights and whatever your heart desires of illumination - my head started hurting and I got dizzy. Could it be the lights? Or was I turning into an employee. Was that how you got to work for ikea? You get lost and slowly start sprouting uniforms and name tags and the Swedish language seeped into you? If that's the case, it wasn't comforting because I already speak Swedish. My transformation process was slower. I had to get out, now.

Finally I found myself in a calming room. The plant section. It was vast and I wanted every single plant in that room and to take it home and care for it but alas, I am poor.

At this point i had been in there for almost 3 hours and was starting to lose all sense of time, space and self.

I was getting ready to fight some motherfuckers to claim one of the rooms upstairs.

After another half hour, I found the storage room. It was a room fit for the gods of Valhalla. But I am no god, the sight of the place alone was frightening to a common person like me. I was sure my eyes were gonna explode in a rain of blue and yellow.

The relief was visible on my face when I finally found the check out stand. I walked past as I had not bought anything, but my troubles didn't end there. More food. Oh god. Lord please show mercy and let me escape this building before it is too late.

I swallowed my pride and shyly approached a fellow employee. I say fellow, because I knew my time was almost up - I only had minutes left.

They pointed to some doors a long way away from me, I thanked them and hurried over there.

I walked past the doors, hoping to see daylight. Or moonlight. I didn't care as long as I was out.

I wasn't.

The were several doors behind the door I entered. Where did I go? Where was I? Who was I?

I was in a fully panicked state by now and was looking around erratically - in a frenzy.

I ran out of the doors that my gut told me to run out of. I saw the escelators. I saw the doors.

Back at the beginning.

I took cautious steps, I had learned by now that not everything was as it seemed.

The doors opened and the smell of fresh air and cars flooded me.

I was out.

My legs were shaking as I almost ran from the place without looking back. I made it home.

I thought my nightmares were over but no... My aunt wanted me to buy some shoehorns for her.

I timed my experience as I ran through the store the second time, all I had to do was follow the arrows.

The first time took me 4 hours.

The second time took me an hour.

My friend found joy in my suffering.

But the teddy bears were really cute

[seitmai]

This is the last part so I obviously have especially many thoughts for these two beloved ones

"Come on," he growled at the red light where he needed to turn left. There wasn't much traffic this late, but it still had been fifteen minutes since you called, and he didn't want to keep you waiting. Not when he heard the tears in your voice. Not when he missed you so much, it felt like part of him was lost.

He's probably gonna have multiple speed tickets from that night

Something must have happened. If he had done a better job with you, maybe you'd have been back at his place again tonight, safe and sound. That was exactly what he wanted. He hadn't cracked open a college textbook in almost eight years, but that didn't stop him from imagining you doing your classwork on his couch while he offered his two cents here and there. He'd been so damn desperate to feel as good as he had when you were there two weekends ago, he ordered himself your favorite kind of pizza tonight. If he thought it tasted bad before, it was a hundred times worse without you on his lap teasing him.

🥺🥺🥺

It was you. Your head was in your hands, staring at the ground, but he recognized your Converse sneakers as soon as his headlights shone on them. You had on the cutest dress imaginable, and all Jake wanted to do was make sure you were okay.

He is so in love its ridiculous (&adorable)

"Darlin'," he whispered as more tears filled your eyes. "Tell me what's wrong." You only got one word out before fresh tears fell. "Jake."

I love a reunion 🥹🥺

He scooted a little closer, and you let him take your hand in his. "You can trust me. I meant it when I said that." As he ran his thumb along your knuckles, he added, "If you tell me what's wrong, I'll try to fix it."

He 100% will, whatever it takes

You responded by taking a step closer until your cheek was resting on his chest, and Jake wrapped his arms around you. Some of his rage melted away at your touch. Goosebumps covered your arms as you shivered, and he couldn't help but kiss your forehead. Maybe that gesture was why you finally spoke more than a few words, or maybe it was because you could still feel the anger inside him. Either way, Jake held you close as you said, "Cooper did exactly what I gave him permission to do. No need to destroy him."

His rage just melting away 😭🥰🥺

Jake let out the breath he had been holding. He wasn't really surprised. That was your main goal the whole time, and you were a good student. You knew what you wanted, and you went for it. But some twenty year old dipshit wasn't going to be able to handle your level of class. He'd been trying to show you that all along.

Jake always knew, which made it even more painful

Your eyes were sincere in the glow from the streetlight. "Of course I made sure he used a condom." You bit your lip and added, "You're the only one who can fuck me without one. That was lesson number twelve." Even the thought made him dizzy. "Just me," he grunted. 

They are SO made for each other

When you tried to remove your hand from his chest, he covered it with his own. "You didn't do anything wrong. I can promise you that. Maybe... you just don't belong with that asshole." Jake sighed and fought the urge to kiss your lips, because he knew you belonged with him, even if you weren't quite there yet. "As long as you're okay, I'll take you back to your dorm. But... maybe in a couple days or a few weeks, when you think you're done crying over Cooper... maybe you'd consider calling me again?" Your eyes went wide as he added, "I really am done with the tag chasers. I haven't been with anyone since you. I think you were my final straw in admitting to myself I wanted something more. Because being with you felt perfect."

"Jake!" you gasped loudly. "I'm not crying over Cooper. I'm crying over how badly I messed things up with you!"

Valid

"I'm so sorry for making you feel cheap," you whispered, eyes shimmering with more tears. "Because you're not. I didn't mean it. I got scared of how much we did together in such a short amount of time. But it was unbelievable how special you made me feel." When he tried to say something, you shook your head before you touched your lips gently to his and asked, "Was it just a normal weekend for you, or did you feel as good as I did? And I'm definitely not just talking about the physical stuff." "Darlin'," he whispered, wiping your tears away as they fell. "It was the best weekend of my life. And not just the sex. It was never just the sex." You kissed him tentatively again, lips barely touching his before you started to pull away, but Jake chased you for another one. And another one. And then you were smiling against his lips as he said, "I'm really happy you called me, Darlin'."

Halle-fucking-luja!!! Finally they are sharing their thoughts and feelings👏🏻🥳🥹

Jake ushered you to his truck with his arm around your waist. "Are you taking me back to my dorm?" you asked when he opened the door for you. "Nah. You're spending the weekend with me. Where you belong."

Facts

Jake's cheeks were pink as he nodded while you pointed at the half eaten pizza on the coffee table. "I told you I missed you," he whispered, and you stumbled back into his arms. "I've been sleeping with my window open so I could listen to the ocean, but it's better with you there. Everything is. The pizza was bad enough before, but it tasted like shit when I ate it alone. I didn't even want to stay in the tub until the water got cold the other day. I only lasted like five minutes"

Urgh he is so cute when he opens up about his simping 🤭

These were things a boyfriend would do. You were sure of it. When Jake strolled in with a Sam Adams in one hand and stemware filled with ice water in the other, you were holding your underwear and the toothbrush to your chest. He kissed your cheek like it was the most natural thing in the world before saying, "I thought you were going to fill the tub."

Omg finally!! I'm so glad they both realize what they are doing and feel is serious relationship material!!

Jake looked up at you and nodded as he turned the water on to fill the tub. "Yeah. To be honest, I think I was done with them as soon as I picked up your fake ID from the floor." His green eyes were earnest as he stood tall again and reached for you. "Now, can we make this water as hot as possible? So it'll take longer to cool down? Once we start snuggling, I'm not going to want to get out."

🥰🥰🥰

"I can try to help you with it," he replied, both hands on your body once more. "Or maybe I can learn something new. You can be the teacher."

That is so cute 🥹

Your heart was beating a nervous rhythm even as you curled up against him with your head on his shoulder and your fingers in his chest hair. "Maybe we should buy more condoms tomorrow or Sunday?" you asked quietly. Nothing about the current state of things felt sexual, but you were still a tiny bit scared he would reject you in that way because of Cooper. But his lips found your forehead while he traced a little heart on your thigh. "Sure. We can do that." He tipped your chin up so you were looking at him. His expression was serious as he softly said, "But the two of us don't need to have sex to be intimate and have a good time together. You have a lot more than that to offer, Darlin'. I do, too."

Screaming and crying!!!I'm so happy they finally realized it 😭🥹🥰

He seemed to relax more as he accepted your words. "It was never just fucking to me. Not since the first night when you trusted me enough to sleep over. And certainly not since I asked you if you wanted it to be sex or something more. That was us making love."

I SAID IT CHAPTERS AGO!!

"Smartass," he muttered. The water was starting to cool down now, and when you shivered, he just held you a little closer. "Lesson thirteen is more for me than for you." He paused to kiss you before saying, "I'm feeling like I don't want to be with anyone else. Just you. Make this a permanent thing. Think you can humor me by labeling it?" "Yes," you replied so quickly that he was laughing when your lips crashed against his.

I'm glad Jake learned his lesson

"That's better," you whispered, melting into him as soon as he had his arms around you under the blanket. "Good night, Jake." "Night, Darlin'." He was ready to keep you warm all night and spend the weekend showing you that he made an excellent boyfriend. "I love you."

🥰🥰🥰

Thank you for this amazing story 👏🏻

I'm so not normal about them, it's embarrassing lol

If you ever feel up for some one shots or something about their future together, I will eat it right up 🫶🏻

Mr. Right Now Part 11 | Hangman x Reader

Summary: As soon as you told Jake you wanted him to come find you, there was no stopping him. He couldn't make you need him the same way he needed you, but he would take care of whatever made you cry. When you hurt Jake, you hurt yourself, too. He deserved an apology that you were ready to give him, and then he gave you more than you could have hoped for.

Warnings: angst, adult language, fluff, 18+

Length: 3600 words

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Female Reader

Why is Jake on my masterlist!? Mr. Right Now masterlist

Jake whipped along the dark, quiet streets of Coronado before crossing the bay bridge at twenty over the speed limit in his truck. You called him. He thought his number never even made it into your phone, but after almost two weeks, you called him. Your voice sounded distraught, but when he went out on a limb, suggesting he come find you himself, you readily agreed. Now he just needed to figure out why you were upset and make sure you weren't hurt.

"Come on," he growled at the red light where he needed to turn left. There wasn't much traffic this late, but it still had been fifteen minutes since you called, and he didn't want to keep you waiting. Not when he heard the tears in your voice. Not when he missed you so much, it felt like part of him was lost.

Something must have happened. If he had done a better job with you, maybe you'd have been back at his place again tonight, safe and sound. That was exactly what he wanted. He hadn't cracked open a college textbook in almost eight years, but that didn't stop him from imagining you doing your classwork on his couch while he offered his two cents here and there. He'd been so damn desperate to feel as good as he had when you were there two weekends ago, he ordered himself your favorite kind of pizza tonight. If he thought it tasted bad before, it was a hundred times worse without you on his lap teasing him.

When he made it to your campus, he found the street you told him over the phone, and he drove a little slower, eyes darting from one side of the street to the other. He was tempted to call your number back to be sure he was on the right track when his gaze caught on a bench across the next intersection. 

It was you. Your head was in your hands, staring at the ground, but he recognized your Converse sneakers as soon as his headlights shone on them. You had on the cutest dress imaginable, and all Jake wanted to do was make sure you were okay.

He pulled his truck up to the curb and killed the engine, and you looked up at him as soon as he hopped out. You were illuminated by a streetlamp, shivering on the bench, and he ran to get to you faster. Tears streaked your cheeks as you stared up at him like he wasn't real, and he sank down onto his knees on the rough sidewalk at your feet.

"Darlin'," he whispered as more tears filled your eyes. "Tell me what's wrong."

You only got one word out before fresh tears fell. "Jake."

He scooted a little closer, and you let him take your hand in his. "You can trust me. I meant it when I said that." As he ran his thumb along your knuckles, he added, "If you tell me what's wrong, I'll try to fix it."

You hung your head and took a deep breath. "I'm such an idiot." Your eyes were closed, long lashes resting on your damp cheeks as you whispered, "I shouldn't have bothered you. Can you just give me a ride back to my dorm?"

"Hey," he coaxed, giving your hand a little squeeze. "I'll make sure you get back safely, but I can't help with whatever caused the tears unless you tell me what happened."

Your eyes fluttered open as you licked your lips. They parted in silence, and Jake was close enough now to feel your warm breath on his cheek. You were hesitating. Reluctant. You were never like this with him before. He was used to you making demands and walking around his place like you owned it, and he found that was how he preferred things. But he waited for you to speak, simply stroking your knuckles with his thumb until you were ready.

"Cooper happened. And it was awful."

Even the name made Jake's skin crawl. He'd been thinking about that stupid kid since the first time you mentioned him, but right now, anger burned just beneath the surface of his skin as he asked, "What did he do to you?" When you tried to hide your face, Jake ran his palm along your cheek and guided your gaze back to his. "Did he hurt you, Darlin'?"

The sentence hung in the air as Jake's throat grew tight. One more tear slid down your cheek as he examined your beautiful face, and you pressed your quivering lips together. Your lack of response was enough for him to get to his feet, and he pulled you up from the bench as well. He tried his best to stay calm, but he could hear the anger in his voice when he asked, "Where is he? I will fucking destroy him."

You responded by taking a step closer until your cheek was resting on his chest, and Jake wrapped his arms around you. Some of his rage melted away at your touch. Goosebumps covered your arms as you shivered, and he couldn't help but kiss your forehead. Maybe that gesture was why you finally spoke more than a few words, or maybe it was because you could still feel the anger inside him. Either way, Jake held you close as you said, "Cooper did exactly what I gave him permission to do. No need to destroy him."

"Did he hurt you?" he asked again, needing a straight answer.

"No."

"Do you want me to beat the shit out of him anyway?"

You laughed in spite of your tears, and the sound made Jake's heart clench in his chest. "Kind of. But it's all my fault for being so stupid."

"Look at me," Jake said softly. He waited until you did before he said, "You're not stupid. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way when I called you naive. You're young, but you're not stupid."

"I am though," you replied immediately, hand coming up to rest on his chest. "You were so sweet to me. A perfect gentleman. A perfect weekend. And then I just fucking threw it in your face and had sex with Cooper."

Jake let out the breath he had been holding. He wasn't really surprised. That was your main goal the whole time, and you were a good student. You knew what you wanted, and you went for it. But some twenty year old dipshit wasn't going to be able to handle your level of class. He'd been trying to show you that all along. "Let me guess, Darlin'. Cooper wasn't a perfect gentleman?"

You shook your head, and Jake leaned down to kiss your cheek. "It was terrible," you told him. "I just... I messed up somehow."

"Fuck," Jake murmured, hoping the answer to his next question didn't make him want to pull the bench out of the ground and throw it across the street. "Did he use a condom?"

Your eyes were sincere in the glow from the streetlight. "Of course I made sure he used a condom." You bit your lip and added, "You're the only one who can fuck me without one. That was lesson number twelve."

Even the thought made him dizzy. "Just me," he grunted. 

Jake hadn't stopped wanting you for a minute since you kissed him at the bar, but tonight, he found you sitting on a bench on a sketchy side street, crying over another guy. And that really fucking hurt. But at least you made sure Cooper used a condom. At least you were safe.

"He was nothing like you were," you whispered, and he held you tighter. "I asked him for some extra foreplay, and he didn't know how to touch me. I told him I liked oral sex, but he just automatically assumed I'd go down on him instead. I can't believe I did all of this so wrong."

When you tried to remove your hand from his chest, he covered it with his own. "You didn't do anything wrong. I can promise you that. Maybe... you just don't belong with that asshole." Jake sighed and fought the urge to kiss your lips, because he knew you belonged with him, even if you weren't quite there yet. "As long as you're okay, I'll take you back to your dorm. But... maybe in a couple days or a few weeks, when you think you're done crying over Cooper... maybe you'd consider calling me again?" Your eyes went wide as he added, "I really am done with the tag chasers. I haven't been with anyone since you. I think you were my final straw in admitting to myself I wanted something more. Because being with you felt perfect."

"Jake!" you gasped loudly. "I'm not crying over Cooper. I'm crying over how badly I messed things up with you!"

Jake's brow furrowed. "Oh." Now he felt like the idiot. He also felt a little light headed as you leaned in closer.

"I'm so sorry for making you feel cheap," you whispered, eyes shimmering with more tears. "Because you're not. I didn't mean it. I got scared of how much we did together in such a short amount of time. But it was unbelievable how special you made me feel." When he tried to say something, you shook your head before you touched your lips gently to his and asked, "Was it just a normal weekend for you, or did you feel as good as I did? And I'm definitely not just talking about the physical stuff."

"Darlin'," he whispered, wiping your tears away as they fell. "It was the best weekend of my life. And not just the sex. It was never just the sex." You kissed him tentatively again, lips barely touching his before you started to pull away, but Jake chased you for another one. And another one. And then you were smiling against his lips as he said, "I'm really happy you called me, Darlin'."

"Me, too. I missed you."

When he finally broke the kiss, he asked, "You're sure you got Cooper out of your system?"

"I'm so sure," you said softly, never breaking eye contact.

"Then let's get out of here."

Jake ushered you to his truck with his arm around your waist. "Are you taking me back to my dorm?" you asked when he opened the door for you.

"Nah. You're spending the weekend with me. Where you belong."

-----------------------------

Walking back through Jake's front door felt like going home. He held your hand the whole ride over, and when you told him you might need some things from your dorm room, he promised to take you back there in the morning to get whatever you wanted. Then he smirked and added, "But you wore everything from my dresser and made yourself at home last time you were here. You can do that again while we make up for being apart last weekend."

Now that you were standing in his living room where everything looked and felt familiar, you closed your eyes and let him hold you. "I missed you so much," you whispered. "I thought about calling or texting you so many times, it's not even funny. Then I told myself there was no way you'd forgive me."

Jake sighed deeply. "I was terrified that I didn't save my number in your phone before the battery died. I thought I'd never hear from you again. I missed you so much, I even stopped by the Hard Deck last weekend to see if you went there by chance."

Your gaze settled on the pizza box on the coffee table, and when you tried to reach for it, Jake grabbed your hand. You looked up at him, and when you tried one more time to open the lid, he wrapped you in a tighter hug and tried to walk across the living room with you in his arms.

"What kind of pizza is that, Jake?" you asked, tone playfully accusatory. 

This man literally picked you up from a bench on your school campus after you slept with a loser your own age, and he'd once again done nothing except show you respect and affection the whole evening. And now you could feel how easily you and he were falling back into the playful bubble you'd existed in two weeks ago. It was exquisite. This time you weren't going to burst it.

"Come on, Darlin'," he groaned, letting go of your hand so you could investigate the pizza box for yourself. "I couldn't help myself."

"Ha!" you said once you had it open. "My favorite kind!"

Jake's cheeks were pink as he nodded while you pointed at the half eaten pizza on the coffee table. "I told you I missed you," he whispered, and you stumbled back into his arms. "I've been sleeping with my window open so I could listen to the ocean, but it's better with you there. Everything is. The pizza was bad enough before, but it tasted like shit when I ate it alone. I didn't even want to stay in the tub until the water got cold the other day. I only lasted like five minutes"

Your eyes went wide. "You broke one of your own rules?" When he nodded, you kissed his cheek and asked, "Can we take a bath together now?"

His expression melted into a smile. "Go get it started while I get us some drinks."

Lighter than air, you practically floated down the hallway to his bedroom. Everything was tidy like you remembered it. He had some clean laundry folded on his dresser, and when you ran your hand along the soft cotton of his undershirts, you paused. Your black thong was sitting there as well. Excitement welled up inside you, because he never got rid of it. Your fingers wrapped around the lace and you carried it into the bathroom with you, excitement building further as soon as you saw the green toothbrush you used was still there, right next to Jake's. He held onto both of them since you were here last.

These were things a boyfriend would do. You were sure of it. When Jake strolled in with a Sam Adams in one hand and stemware filled with ice water in the other, you were holding your underwear and the toothbrush to your chest. He kissed your cheek like it was the most natural thing in the world before saying, "I thought you were going to fill the tub."

"I was," you replied, making no move to do anything as he set the drinks down on the sink vanity. He smiled when he saw what you were holding, and then he opened the cabinet to pull out two towels and some washcloths. There was no new box of condoms inside. None at all.

"You're really done with the tag chasers?" you blurted out, toothbrush digging into the palm of your hand.

Jake looked up at you and nodded as he turned the water on to fill the tub. "Yeah. To be honest, I think I was done with them as soon as I picked up your fake ID from the floor." His green eyes were earnest as he stood tall again and reached for you. "Now, can we make this water as hot as possible? So it'll take longer to cool down? Once we start snuggling, I'm not going to want to get out."

His fingers were teasing along the strap of your dress at your shoulder as you finally set down your thong and your toothbrush. Then you let Jake undress you as the bathroom started to get steamy. The part inside you that was still afraid he wouldn't want you now was soothed by his words and his big hands on your bare skin.

"Climb on in, Darlin'."

You watched him undress from the comfort of the bath, and he handed you both drinks before he turned off the brighter lights in favor of the softer ones. Then he climbed in with you, and his arm was around your body immediately, guiding you to settle between his legs. 

You sipped your water while he sipped his Sam Adams, and the two of you smiled at each other before you asked, "Are you sure you want me to spend the night?"

He hummed into his beer bottle before taking another sip and setting it aside. "I'm going to want you here as much as possible." His words were so simple, but so full of possibility. He felt the same way you did. You were sure of it now. But you had to sip your water to take time to collect your thoughts.

"Well, I have work to do for my classes," you finally said, and he took the glass from your hand and discarded it.

"I can try to help you with it," he replied, both hands on your body once more. "Or maybe I can learn something new. You can be the teacher."

Your heart was beating a nervous rhythm even as you curled up against him with your head on his shoulder and your fingers in his chest hair. "Maybe we should buy more condoms tomorrow or Sunday?" you asked quietly. Nothing about the current state of things felt sexual, but you were still a tiny bit scared he would reject you in that way because of Cooper. But his lips found your forehead while he traced a little heart on your thigh.

"Sure. We can do that." He tipped your chin up so you were looking at him. His expression was serious as he softly said, "But the two of us don't need to have sex to be intimate and have a good time together. You have a lot more than that to offer, Darlin'. I do, too."

You thought back to all the little moments you and he shared in between hooking up. Making out on the couch and laughing together. Eating pizza and falling asleep in his arms. Those were the best parts. "I don't know what you did, but you made all of it so good. Every minute of the entire weekend."

He seemed to relax more as he accepted your words. "It was never just fucking to me. Not since the first night when you trusted me enough to sleep over. And certainly not since I asked you if you wanted it to be sex or something more. That was us making love."

You whimpered before his lips met yours, and you kissed him hard as you let your wet fingers drag through his soft hair. "It was perfect," you said against his mouth before you pulled away an inch.

His forehead was pressed to yours as he murmured, "You're perfect. You always were." His lips brushed yours as he added, "But yeah, after I take you out for lunch tomorrow and we stop by your dorm for whatever you need, we can get more condoms. I would enjoy that immensely."

"You better not get me pregnant before I graduate from college," you joked.

Jake snorted. "I better not get you pregnant anytime soon. I haven't even met your parents yet."

"You want to meet my parents?" you asked in surprise. 

You were perched on his lap awaiting a response as Jake leaned back against the tub. His gaze lingered on every part of your face before he casually asked, "Which lesson were we on?"

He was being coy and sweet and sincere, and all of your feelings were right there at the surface now. "Are you serious right now?" you asked, poking him in the abs. When he nodded, you said, "We were on number thirteen."

"Right. Lucky number thirteen. My favorite one," he crooned, offering up nothing else.

After another beat, you poked him again and said, "Spit it out, Jake. What's the lesson?"

"Smartass," he muttered. The water was starting to cool down now, and when you shivered, he just held you a little closer. "Lesson thirteen is more for me than for you." He paused to kiss you before saying, "I'm feeling like I don't want to be with anyone else. Just you. Make this a permanent thing. Think you can humor me by labeling it?"

"Yes," you replied so quickly that he was laughing when your lips crashed against his.

--------------------------------

Jake wrapped you up in one of the towels, and the two of you brushed your teeth side by side. You already knew where everything was, and without prompting, you rooted around in his dresser drawers until you found something you wanted to wear. Then you climbed into his bed like you knew without a doubt you'd always be welcome there, and he turned off the lights.

"Jake," you whined softly, patting the empty spot next to you in the glow from the moonlight. When he didn't immediately move, you added, "Get in bed with me."

But he took the time to admire you as he slid the window open another few inches. The sound of the ocean had a calming effect on him again now that you were back, and he felt more peaceful. You belonged here with him. When you reached for his hand, he let you tug him toward the bed with a smile on his face. He belonged with you, too.

"That's better," you whispered, melting into him as soon as he had his arms around you under the blanket. "Good night, Jake." 

"Night, Darlin'." He was ready to keep you warm all night and spend the weekend showing you that he made an excellent boyfriend. "I love you."

---------------------------------

Jake and Darlin' pulled it together in the end. Thank you for reading my fic about intimacy, consent, trust and knowing your worth. I loved every second of writing this. Thanks to @beyondthesefourwalls

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[henleygod-fics]

9

The noise and screams of Mic could be heard even before we passed through the door, the sun made us cover ourselves the instant we set foot outside and the dizziness from so much noise caused a slight buzzing. Once my eyes got used to so much light I looked ahead, we were in the stands with several spectators, our seats were almost in the front row, but in the middle of the crowd. Looking everywhere, I leaned out and leaned on the railing looking down, until I saw the class. Finally I found it, Mina's pink hair was a great sign that our class was there. I turned to Todoroki, who had completely changed his face, again in the day, but this time the expression he had was a mix of hatred and repulsion, I followed his gaze to a giant figure, the same man who had crossed just a few minutes ago, looked at him expectantly.

-shoto- he shouted

"No," Todoroki replied, without raising his voice. They were both so close that talking calmly was enough for them to hear each other. He didn't see the need for the guy to yell at him like that.

I approached Todoroki, I didn't like the atmosphere and the best option that came to my mind was to take him, with the excuse that we all had to be together before the competition.

-Everything..- the moment I started to speak, Todoroki interrupted me, taking my hand and moving forward, dodging the man and ignoring him. If only the guy hadn't grabbed us, Todoroki abruptly removed the guy's hand and turned around extremely annoyed.

"Your name," the guy said, ignoring Todoroki's action. I would have loved to ignore him the same way, but I wasn't sure I could.

-tn- I finally answered, Todoroki squeezed my hand lightly and I looked at him strangely, the way he looked at me clearly said to shut up and not answer him.

The man smiled and placed his hand on my head and Todoroki's, Todoroki removed it instantly, I was left feeling weak and uncomfortable.

-I expect a lot from both of you, don't disappoint me- he finally answered before Todoroki chased me away, the man looked at him out of the corner of his eye and then walked away in the opposite direction to us.

- And this one? - I asked, confused by what had just happened.

-It's my father- he answered, looking at the silhouette of the guy as he walked away- let's go- he said starting to walk and making me move forward.

-Your father? And why don't I disappoint him? - I asked, even more confused.

-I told you I had my eyes on you, it would be best to ignore it, don't do anything I ask you to do and stay away- he replied seriously, the atmosphere had become a little uncomfortable and dark, so I chose to remain silent and not continue asking.

The rest of the way we did it in silence and when we got to our places we ended up separating. Deku, Kirishima, Uraraka and the others were waiting for me to explain how to continue in the tournament, they didn't stop talking to me so I instinctively went with them to sit and chat, while Todroki simply went silently to sit in the furthest place possible, looking at him out of the corner of my eye I felt the need to approach him and ask him if he was okay, but with the hurry he was in to get me and leave made me think that maybe he just needed a moment alone to be able to think.

Momo came running, very agitated, she looked at Uraraka and me as if she had been looking for us for years, taking our arms and without saying a single word she dragged us back inside, avoiding the entire crowd.

"I need them," she finally answered, after taking a breath and steadying her breathing. Without understanding anything, we followed her all the way to the changing rooms, where not all the girls were waiting, dressed in a somewhat strange uniform.

-Take it- Mina said as she handed us a uniform identical to hers. We both looked at each other with Uraraka, wearing this was not in our plans and fighting with something like that would expose us to our souls.

-Umm, what are we supposed to do with this??- I asked, looking at the two pieces of white and orange rags I had in my hand.

-We need to do an act- said Momo while changing- being the class president, I was not aware of everything and I did not prepare anything for this moment, I'm sorry girls- she said while bowing, looking very embarrassed- if only I had told you in advance that we had to be cheerleaders or if I had known this before, I promise I would have told you and I would have helped you better-

-Calm down Momo, it's not your fault, nobody knew- I said while placing my hand on her shoulder, I sighed as lightly as possible, so she wouldn't notice and began to take off my clothes to put on the ones they had given me- Besides, we are class A, it doesn't matter if it's about the moment, we will do better than everyone else- I said with a smile, being supported by all the girls, while they went to comfort Momo with Uraraka we changed as quickly as possible.

I arrived at the stadium again, cold and feeling completely exposed, I looked furiously at Denki and Mineta who, between laughs and drool, took pictures of us from all possible angles. The disappointed faces of all the girls were incredible, Jiro angrily complained to everyone, while Momo felt more and more depressed for having fallen into such a stupid trap again. As if that were not enough, Mic took it upon himself to tell everyone that we were there with our "fan-service", so everyone's eyes were now on us, as well as the cameras.

I looked tiredly towards the stands, Bakugou was looking at me surprised, as was the whole class, Todoroki had his eyes wide open, as did Deku. The faces of some were turning into pity for us who had fallen into such a cruel trap, while an obnoxious blond did nothing but laugh and put on a hateful half smile in mockery. And I felt like an idiot for having allowed them to make me two high ponytails as if I were a girl, wearing a skirt with a t-shirt. I turned to Denki and Mineta and smiled, I wasn't going to be the only one to go through such embarrassment.

-I have an idea- I spoke without changing my expression or taking my eyes off them, interrupting the girls who were deciding to continue with the act. I took Denki and Mineta with my tentacles and dragged them inside with me, followed by all the girls, confused but equally furious with these two.

After a few minutes, we went out again, with the same clothes, only this time two more people were also wearing a nice skirt, with a cute little t-shirt and two ponytails.

-Denki!??!!Mineta!?!!- Mic asked confusedly into the microphone. The applause and praise that had been for us was now silent, nothing but some suppressed laughter managing to escape.

Kirishima was the first to break it and started whistling at them, just like the others had done with us, followed by Tokoyami who said "what a pretty blonde and dwarf" followed by laughter and applause, little by little the whistling began and the praises came back, now for everyone equally, and just like Momo had told us, we continued with the act and the "fan-service" they wanted so much, of course, now with Denki and Mineta as protagonists in the center, moving with great care and whining embarrassedly lowering their skirts every now and then, which by the way, was a few fingers shorter than ours.

The act ended and we returned to our seats triumphant, with our heads held high and amused, while our fellow students followed behind us completely red-faced and nervous. We arrived at our seats, where they were tormented with thousands of jeers and laughs.

I shuddered the moment a light breeze passed by, I looked at my companions but they looked fun enough to be cold, I covered my arms with my hands and rubbed myself hoping it would give me some warmth, a jacket fell over my head, I looked at it strangely and I could feel that it was still warm from the human warmth, someone had noticed that I was freezing and had given me their garment, I put on the jacket, instantly relieving myself and feeling the warmth of the fabric as if from the person who had given it to me, I turned around to look for who it was and thank them, but I only found Deku and Todoroki completely surprised as they looked at me, Deku even kept his mouth open without realizing it, when he noticed my gaze he closed it quickly. There I noticed that they had their jackets in their hands about to give them to me, I raised an eyebrow in confusion, but they both turned around and left, I looked at my companions and each one of them had their jackets on, none of them had their incomplete uniform, except for the girls, I smelled a sweet aroma coming from the jacket and I smiled thinking that some of the girls saw me and lent it to me, and without giving it much importance I continued chatting more comfortably, while I smelled the sweet aroma, without realizing that I had left a companion shivering slightly every time the wind blew.

Time passed and the time for the next test had begun. Mic introduced the two and decided who would fight against whom. Having won a good amount of points, thanks to Tokoyami, I got to fight in the battles, something that hadn't made me very excited but I had no other option but to accept. They announced my name at the end of everything, I was fighting in the next round, whoever I won the battle with, I would have to fight against Momo or Tokoyami.

The tests began and by name they were going down to the arena to fight, first it was Denki against a girl from class B, Denki dazzled by her beauty what he did was act more like an idiot than anything else, of course he lost. Then it was Iida, he fought against another girl from class B, this time Deku shouted that she was the girl who had lent us her babies, I watched the battle attentively, expecting a great fight, but what I found was a mockery of Iida, while he tried with all his might to win, the other girl was in charge of showing her inventions and advertising her products and department, Iida was no match for her babies, in the end the girl ended up giving up her place to Iida leaving the ring voluntarily. I had no other opinion than pity for Iida, who with wounded pride returned to the stands.

The next round was Deku against a purple-haired boy, the very idiot who had bothered us earlier in our classroom. All it took was for Deku to speak for him to walk out of the ring on his own. Despite our screams, he wouldn't come out of his trance until he decided to break his own finger to wake himself up. That's when the fight began, and of course, the purple-haired boy was no match for Deku.

Finally it was Tokoyami and Momo's turn, I watched every part of the battle to take into account how each one fought, something that bothered and disappointed me a lot, I expected to see the potential of each one, a great fight, but the only thing I managed to see was how Tokoyami slowly pushed Momo until she was out of the ring, she only covered herself with a shield she had made.

The next few rounds were a bit fun but nothing more, they happened one by one, until it was my turn.

I arrived at the arena, at the bottom, the place looked huge and made me feel very small, the people looked like little balls piled up and the screams that didn't stop were a ringing in my ears, it was even more annoying here than where I was before.

Tokoyami positioned himself in front of me, it was finally time, just the starting signal was enough for Tokoyami to bring out Dark Shadow and try to do the same thing he did with Momo, Dark shadow pushed and hit next to me trying to slowly push me out of the place.

I stealthily took out my tentacles, moving them downwards, trying not to let my activated quirk be noticed, I dodged the blows one by one and walking in a circular motion I quickly turned the positions, and apparently Tokoyami hadn't noticed. I smiled as I had his back to the line, I gathered the strands of hair forming a large tentacle and quickly, giving the same blow as him, I pushed him back, out of the ring. I was able to easily get rid of him.

The signal sounded again and I emerged victorious, I returned to my seat being congratulated by everyone, Tokoyami returned seriously, disappointed I suppose, since without saying a word he left. I downplayed it, since he had tried to do the same with me and had succeeded with Momo, there was no reason to feel bad, although I couldn't help but feel a little guilty. I continued watching the following matches, waiting for my turn, most of them didn't look extraordinary or something more, until it was Bakugou and Uraraka's turn, I hadn't realized when they had named this pair. I looked at Uraraka who was coming down to the stadium extremely nervous and very serious, now I understand why Deku had offered to help her with a plan.

Both were face to face, Bakugou looked serious but calm, while Uraraka's nerves were noticeable even where I was, now I know why I should be relaxed even in the worst moments, it was enough for the whistle to give the green light to the battle for Uraraka to lunge at Bakugou with all her strength, the beginning of the fight was a somewhat violent game of catch, Uraraka tried with all her might to touch Bakugou, while he escaped and pushed her away with explosions. Anyone could say that Bakugou was abusing Uraraka, hurting her several times, but what I saw was a nervous Bakugou trying with all his might to quickly beat Uraraka, something that was becoming difficult for him. Uraraka's quirk did not compare to Bakugou's, one was extremely violent, while the other was more passive. It didn't take long for her to lose, Uraraka could not continue fighting, she had fallen after a huge explosion from Bakugou.

I looked worriedly at my friend, who was being taken to the infirmary on a stretcher, while Bakugou returned to his serious place, being booed by everyone, he arrived at his place and when he sat down, most of the class went to complain to him "for having treated a girl like that."

- Just because she's a girl doesn't mean she's weak, it was tough, wasn't it Bakugou? - I asked with a sideways smile, Bakugou raised his head and looked at me clicking his tongue in anger - You better not doubt me, you did well.

After finishing speaking I returned to my seat, barely listening to Bakugou's murmurs, but I could barely hear that it wouldn't be easy for me with him.

[doodleoogles]

A "Core Memory"

"There's actually a ghost in my house!" I said out loud, which made my Dad chuckle. Mill, his current partner's eyes widened a bit. I assumed those are as wide as they could get. Her eyes are small and droopy, giving her an anxious but kind look.

It's almost 10PM, the sun has just set and we are all in the dining area, having a little dinner feast. There's a large bowl of steak cubes, some fresh chops of lettuce, a plate of chips with chicken nuggets and a tall bottle of vodka in the middle. My son is munching on the chips, watching the adults drink while Mill's 7 year old daughter Reed is glued to the sofa, with her favorite anime playing on Netflix for the nth time.

"Serious!" I exclaimed before anyone of them could say anything else. "See usually when it's late at night, we would hear random noises like someone's moving some furniture around or footsteps coming upstairs".

"Could be the neighbors?" Dad gave me his most doubtful look as he walked towards the fridge. I can still hear his soft chuckle before he pulled the fridge door open and peered inside.

"That's what I thought at first, but we swore the sound is really coming from inside the house!" I looked at my son and he nodded in agreement as he shoved several chips in his mouth at once. "I mean you could really tell!" I stabbed a steak cube with my fork and placed it neatly in the middle of of the lettuce on my plate.

Dad went back to the table with a tupperware filled with watermelon slices. He's munching away on a slice when he sat down, "Nahh, so you guys are scared?"

I swallowed a mouthful of steak wrapped in lettuce before talking "Good thing we aren't scared of ghosts! I mean you know it's the living you should be worried about right? They're the ones who can hurt you." I ended my speech with a shrug, thinking it's the vodka talking. I glanced at my side where a mirror is plastered to the wall and saw my red faced reflection looking back at me.

Dad seemed to nod in agreement before pouring some vodka on his shot glass. He does the same for mine and Mill's and raised his shot glass in the middle of the table with his right hand, "So... cheers for the ghosts and the living that haunt us!"

We all laughed as we raised our glasses to meet his, my son joining with his cup of apple juice. I swallowed the vodka straight and looked around me. Something warm brewed in my chest and it's not just the alcohol travelling it's way down my stomach. It's...something else. The warmth of a home, with my Dad - a funny smartass man I never knew growing up. I think about my younger years when I resented him and wished he never existed. I didn't know what I was missing out. I spent so much time hating him and being a rebel without a damn cause. I gave my soul self inflicted wounds and now I am finally healing. Reconnecting with my old man is the highlight of this travel for me and my son. I can tell he's fond of his grandpa, and despite being with him only recently, he has already warmed up to him.

More stories and laughter as the night went on. We joked about having PTSD on airports after spending 11 hours due to our delayed flight to Vancouver the week before and how we almost got left behind on the flight back after being so relaxed thinking it might get delayed again. I rolled my eyes while remembering how Dad playfully yelled "Police! Police!" when we were checking out the US border near the town of Surrey. My son laughed at how Dad's first task wherever we go is to find the nearest toiler. Mille teased my Dad for convincing us to line up to the food banks for the homeless and Dad shrugging his shoulders saying he succeeded one time when he got a free burger.

Around 1AM, Dad stretched his hands up, ready to call it a night. Reed is already fast asleep in the sofa so Mille had to carry her to their room. My son wen to the bathroom to brush his teeth and kissed me goodnight after. I stayed in the dining table, feeling slightly dizzy from the vodka. My stomach hurt from laughing and my eyes are slightly wet as I covered the leftovers with some cling wrap. It will be hard to leave in a few days, I thought to myself, glancing sideways to my Dad just in time to hear him yawn, his footsteps receding back to the room. It might take some time before I can go back since I have a new work to focus on, but I definitely need to come back for a visit and plan a longer stay.

This is the part of my life where I finally found myself at peace with the past and acceptance in the present. I have to travel halfway across the world to find it but it's so fucking worth it.

[pnny1-blog]

It's been a month ago when Tim was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer they found it when running tests on him to figure out why a strong vibrant man got a illness that started out with lightheadedness for a few hrs in the morning then progressed to dizziness and a headache all day first trip to the local emergency room ( band aid station) they sent him home with a severe sinus infection! His condition steadily getting worse after two days he could barely walk because his tremors were so bad. Third day I had to call an ambulance. Them ass holes did not believe he couldn't walk they said it was a panic attack they basically forced him stand up and try to walk to the gurney as it would not fit through the door of our house he fell Three times trying to he finally crawled to the gurney. Once at the hospital I no sooner parked my car and they were releasing him saying that he was having a panic attack. Sent a prescription to pharmacy. I took Tim Home helped him to bed( he crawled ) went and got his meds. He stayed in that bed for a week I couldn't get him to get up for nothing, he was barely eating, peeing in a bottle and had no bowel movement. I kept trying to get him to let me call the ambulance again and if we were not satisfied with the outcome of the band aid station once they helped me get him in car I would take him to another hospital. Finally I told him I felt like I was watching him die. It was then he agreed to let me call an ambulance again. Same ambulance crew, they would not lift him to get to the gurney so he scooted- once they tried to make him walk no gait belt or anything, Tim fell on concrete busted his elbow open! He even had to scoot through mud water and gravel to get to gurney I was on ground behind him holding his back up because at this point he could not even sit up without support for his back. It had been even difficult for him to swallow at this point even his eyes would tremor. At the emergency room the doctor finally believed there was definitely something neurological going on. Had him transferred to different hospital via helicopter. This hospital throwed every test in the world to try and find out what was happening. They figured out his immune system was fighting with his nervous system, but why they didn't know. Through all the test, they found an lymph node on his lung it tested positive for small cell lung cancer. It was contained and had not spread. They started chemo right away! As far as the other thing it turned out it was a rare virus (only affects 200 people a year). Rabitina is what the country folks call the virus, it is contracted from infected rabbits, rodents, horseflies, ticks, etc. His body essentially had forgotten how to function properly. If they had not caught it his eternal organs would have stopped functioning his bowels, and prostate had already been affected.

After 25 days in hospital he had regained all functions except being able to stand up and walk. Hospital was trying to find an acute rehab to take him but they all said he was not a good fit for their program. The only other options we had was a skilled nursing home or home with outpatient therapy. We chose home no way was I sending him to a nursing home. So here we are he's been home for a little over a week now. He's been to see the radiation doctor twice (thanks to my brother-in-law helping me transfer him as I'm not able to lift him). He starts radiation Wednesday of this week. He will be taking radiation therapy every day for the next 7 weeks except weekends. He starts physical therapy tomorrow. He is starting to help us transfer already. I've been off work through all this so this is taking a toll on our finances as well.

I can't leave him alone for very long at a time as he can't fend for himself!

I will be adding more to this as our journey continues.

I also want to ad that after 22 years that we have lived together we finally got married while he was in hospital