#I’ll see what happens u_u

[riisume]

I started playing Blush Blush last night and I got a tk idea cooked up that I wanna draw… ‘-‘

[lov-eable]

TELL ME  ֗ ˖ ࣪ ᩠ ༉‧₊˚ ✿ #01

━━ a filmmaker decides to follow and document the lives of the worst and best students at your school for a month, unfortunately, those students are you and chishiya, the most annoying guy on earth.

masterlist ◌*ꕤ

word count ✦ 1726

A/N: lets not question why the best student is allowed to have dyed long hair, idk either!!!! also kyuma cameo, i just needed someone as the filmmaker so hes kinda ooc take that in mind U_U hope u like it!

05/28/18 12:38

Why did the principal reach out to you to meet him at his office? Were you in trouble? Did he finally decide to expel you because of your scores? No, it couldn’t be, everyone knows that type of thing only happens in American movies, so, why were you waiting there and nervously avoiding eye contact? Also, a weird guy -he was wearing a cap indoors and that was enough for you to consider him weird-, who undoubtedly was not a teacher, even less a student was awkwardly standing in the corner of the room. You prayed for a word, just a single word, that could break the tense silence. As if your prayers had been heard for the very first time in your whole life, the awkward guy with the cap crouched down to whisper something in the director’s ear and as he vaguely nodded, the principal eventually spoke. 

“Miss Kano, I have summoned you to propose and discuss an extracurricular activity involving you and one of your classmates” classmate? Who was he talking about? You started getting more curious, letting go of your previous anxieties, maybe this proposal could be fun, right? As long as they didn't force you to study maths for two hours every day after school, it would be pleasant. You heard the strange man clear his throat and you prepared yourself to finally hear him talk, he made you more curious than creeped out. “It seems your, uh, friend may take his time to arrive yet” so your so-called classmate was a guy, your options to guess decreased, “allow me to introduce myself, I’m Kyuma Ginji, filmmaker and the director of this new project”.

Someone knocked on the door softly, so softly it could almost have been ignored if the people in the room weren’t so expectant of the arrival of the fourth member and the principal barely said a word allowing the newcomer to enter the room. Just like that, all your expectations, interest and curiosity died right there without an opportunity to meet the real world. The one classmate who could disturb your day with only his presence set foot into the office and sat in the chair next to you. “Good morning, I’m sorry about the delay, I was taking care of a homework-related matter with Mister Kuzuryu” you tried not to look at him but even his voice annoyed you.

Mr. Kyuma brushed it off and resumed his self-introduction, “now that you both are here, I will explain you my project. Basically, my crew and I want to portray the lives of the senior students with the best and worst grades respectively, and see how you interact with each other for a month” no, simply no, there was no way you would interact with Chishiya for a whole month in front of cameras, not even if a gun was pointed at your head, “if you both agree, we’ll sign a contract and start shooting the first day of June, that way we’ll end at the start of July without disrupting your midterm exams. Please let me know what you think”.

“I think I’ll pass…” “Sir, are we going to get paid?” that rude cat-face with toilet paper-coloured hair dared to cut you off. Who did he think he was? Sometimes, you said to yourself it was nonsense to dislike him with so much energy, and maybe you could start over. You wouldn’t dare to befriend him, but you could finally leave each other alone, but with moments like this, you realized that would never happen. “Yes, of course, all of that information is in more detail in the contract, would you like to see it?” Mr. Kyuma said as he quickly, and really clumsily, directed himself towards his briefcase taking out a portfolio which, you assumed, stored your contracts.

He handed you each a piece of paper which contained all the clauses and conditions, you started reading it but reminded yourself you weren’t interested, if you accepted, you would work closely with Chishiya for a whole freaking month. “Uh, sorry, as I was saying…” “It’s okay, I’ll join the documental” and again, see? This was the reason why you would never work willingly with Chishiya, also, it was odd of Chishiya to accept something like this. No matter how much you disliked him, you couldn’t deny you knew him very well, at the end of the day, you essentially watched him grow. And this wasn’t usual for him. You noticed everyone seeing you expecting an answer, Chishiya smirked at you irritating your insides, “Miss Kano, we only need you to agree and we’ll sign the contracts tomorrow, then start filming as scheduled” oh no, there it was, the pressure. 

It puzzled you why Chishiya agreed to this, the truth is, he had two big reasons; first, he would get paid and the amount was not low, and second, he heard you trying to deny the offer so he figured out that by agreeing, he would have the opportunity to bother you and see that annoyed face of yours that pleased him so much. If we are being honest, it puzzled him as much as you, if not more, why he got so much satisfaction by being around you and pushing your buttons, but the answer was something he deep inside knew he wouldn’t like to acknowledge.

Oh, you were aware there was no way out. Chishiya was already on board and the producer looked at you with puppy-like eyes, anticipating your positive answer. You knew you didn’t owe him anything, but still, he seemed young and hopeful. Even to the untrained eye, it was evident this was his first project. “Uh, why not? But I would like to mention this to my parents first” you talked with hesitation, contemplating the slightest chance your parents would disapprove of their youngest daughter appearing on a documentary showing off her awful grades.

Certainly, your parents weren’t against it, they didn’t even bat an eye, as per usual, they didn’t care about your life while you weren’t out there doing drugs -you weren’t sure about that testament either-. “Could you hand me the salad? Thanks. Yeah, your teacher, or was it your principal? Not so sure, but I got a call, they explained everything. You can participate, honey, it’s not like you’re going to get distracted from your studies or anything” your mom chuckled as if what she had said just recently was funny, but no one else at the table was laughing. Family dinners were always the same, your parents making passive-aggressive comments towards you, maybe praise your sister once or twice and silence. Not awkward, nor comfortable either, just plain silence.

“Mom, I’m not going to join the project” as you said, your parents released a “why?!” into the air in unison. You barely muttered “because I don’t want to” when your dad replied in a demanding tone, “that’s not a valid answer. You never want to do anything. If you do it, you’ll have money and at least one thing to write in your resume” of course the one time you needed your parents to mind their business as they always did was the time they decided to involve themselves into your life. “The man I spoke to earlier mentioned you and Shuntaro Chishiya, if I’m not mistaken, would be filmed. He is Dr. Chishiya’s son, right? He’s the best student, you could use some of his knowledge”.

That was it, you couldn’t stand Chishiya, you couldn’t stand your family, you were at your limit. You stuffed your mouth with the remaining food on your plate and stood up without saying a word, you heard your parents calling your name, but it did not matter to you at the moment. Taking the book you borrowed from the school library and laying in your bed, you found your desired peace, or so you believed until you heard a door knock. You didn’t answer in the case that would make whoever knocked on your door go away. 

It didn’t, instead, a rather familiar face appeared as they opened your door. “Forgot to lock it” Mira grinned at you, “what do you want?” you said while covering your face with the book you were reading at the moment -The Silent Cry by Kenzaburo Oe-. “Can I come in?” you did not use your energy to say no because your sister would ignore you and enter your room whether you like it or not.

She sat next to you in your bed, “I think you shouldn’t deny the film offer”, “are you joining them in this nonsense? Traitor…” you moved yourself to face the wall because you were actually hurt she was taking your parents’ side instead of yours. “It’s a really good opportunity, I don’t think you should miss it, also, why you don’t want to do it? Even though my parents think you are lazy, I know you’re down to try everything at least once”.

“Why are you being so nosy? It’s not like it matters to you or something” you faced her again and stood right up to be at her height. “You are right, it does not matter to me, but clearly does to you, that’s why it’s bothering you so much and you don’t want to say the reason why. Whatever, my opinion shouldn’t be important, but I do think you should do it. You’ll get paid, maybe you could show off some of your poetry, you know, and mom and dad would love to see you” Mira stood up as she talked and was about to disappear through the door that connected your room to the hall but she stopped when you called her name. 

There was a simple phrase you knew you had to say, different from what Mira would have liked to hear, but you didn’t say any of those. “You’re too good with words, you’re like a congressman” your sister laughed leaning against the door, “oh, god, I wish I was a congressman, do you know how much they get paid a year?” a sweet moment of giggles and then, a comfortable silence between you and her settled in the room, “anyways, I have to study, think about what I told you. Good luck with your book”

tag list: @surshica @enslique @httpsimmy @elernity @eshtravagent @fishisahappydog @kreishin @vernon-dursley @mhyunri

[greypetrel]

WIP Wednesday

I've been tagged by @melisusthewee, whom I thank for giving me the chance to share!

Since I already post wips for drawing, here you go with something written... I'm planning out the DadWolf AU, I'm gonna write it down but it needs some worldbuilding first. But my hands are quicker than my brain so... some brewing for some DRAMA, three years after this, they're both 21. (It's basically a modern time AU, so... Yeah, you know what happened to poor Cullen.)

More and a silly doodle of Aisling and Cullen at 15, before stuff went wrong, under the cut! Consider yourself tagged if you see this!

Aisling. [ Hey, stranger! Let’s see if you’ll reply this time… Are you still in Denerim or have you been reassigned? :) ]

Cullen. [ Hello. Yes. Why? ]

Aisling. [ Wonderful! Are you free to see an old friend? I’ll be in Denerim for a three days seminar, the weekend after this, but I’m free after the lessons. Ydun is coming too, but… What about doing something together? It’s been ages since I saw you, those enslavers didn’t even let you get home for First Day… ]

Cullen. [ Is Ydun ok? ]

Aisling. [ Of course, I already told her. I can see her often anyway, so you have the precedence. As for what… Nothing fancy, even just a cup of coffee to catch up? You tell me how much time do you have. Or I think our AirBnB has a tv: Netflix and chill? We can order pizza and eat it on the couch, for old time’s sake. You can choose the movie, I maaaaay also be willing to finally see Top Gun. If you ask nicely. ]

Cullen. [ My free evening is on Saturday, but I already have plans. ]

Aisling. [ Oh. Yeah, sounds right, you get so little free time… Sorry if I insisted. Well… If you get five minutes free, give me a call? I’d love to see you again, I’ve missed you. You get so little time to chat, and you disappeared these last months… And I feel like it’s only me speaking. Sorry, I must be bothering you. ]

Cullen. [ I’m very busy.

*2 hours later*I will be at this pub with some people, if you really want to join. *location forwarded* ]

Aisling. [ :D That would be wonderful! We’ll be there, sure! Any dress code we should know of? Only uniforms allowed, should I show up in lab coat, rubber gloves and goggles? I look like Gollum with goggles. u_u ]

Cullen. [ Just dress normal if you really want to come. 8pm. ]

Aisling. [ Ok? Sure… Can’t wait! :D ]

Aisling stared at her phone and that exchange for the tenth time since it happened, those weeks ago. She read and read it again, not understanding. Something was off, she could tell… Or well, it would have been off three years ago, before he left, with the shy, kind boy that was her best friend since kindergarten.  Maybe he was just too busy to stay on his phone. Maybe it was really just that. He was an officer after all, graduated with flying colours as Mia informed her -they had a party at the Rutherfords to celebrate, but Cullen didn’t show up. Cullen, actually, hadn’t written nor replied in the last six months, not even to Mia. He had responsibilities, and… Well.

A hand blocked her visual of the screen, taking the phone away from her hand with a huff.

“You’ll dig a hole in the screen if you’ll keep staring at it, doll.”

Ydun told her, looking herself at the screen and frowning, exactly as the times she showed her the messages and asked for her opinion.

“I know but… He was strange, and I’m worried. Should I write him again? Ask him if it’s still confirmed for Saturday?” She asked her, leaning her head over her shoulder. The fabric of her tailleur was rough under her cheek, but she didn’t mind that much.

“He sounds like an asshole. Write to call it off, we’ll just be losing time.”

“He’s my best friend, and Dorian’s. We’ve been friends since kindergarten. He’s not an asshole, I know when he’s strange and I’m worried for him.”

“He’s an officer in the military, Ash. He invited us, two elves, one a Dalish and the other a mage, to a party full of militaries. Add the fact that lesbianism doesn’t really help. It’s not the invitation of a nice person.”

“Maybe they’re good people. He is. And I’m bi.”

Ydun turned to look at her, a silent, very doubtful question on her sharp face, tattooed in deep crimson. Aisling knew that expression as well as she knew her Vallaslin, she didn’t need to look up to know. She frowned in all answer, scuddling closer on her seat to get closer to her girlfriend, hugging her arm with a sigh.

“You can stay home. I’ll go, check he’s still in one piece and get right back.”

“Sure, what a marvellous idea.” Ydun snorted, very sarcastically, poking at her arm. “You’ll need someone to protect you, I’ll be there with you, doll, of course.”

Aisling didn’t like when Ydun called her doll. She didn’t like when she treated her like a damsel in distress, just because she was emotional. She was a mage, writing her dissertation for her BA in Physics, and listening to her tutor, she will get into any MA program she wanted. She and Dorian just needed to choose a program and a place, and whether to make the leap and leave home. Together, because loneliness was scary and papae Solas confirmed them that they did their best when they worked side by side anyway.

…she wanted to see Cullen, and ask him. When she was scared about whether to apply to Physics or not, or just to find work because she didn’t feel competent enough, just a pale imitation of her brother, it had been Cullen who talked her down her fears and convinced to send the application. He had been right. And she… She missed him. In those three years they had seen each other a handful of times, and always briefly. He had no time to write -Mia, Branson and Rosalie all confirmed that he wasn’t writing much to them either.

She missed Cullen, and she would have seen him on Saturday.

She got her cellphone back and wrote him.

Aisling. [ Hey, stranger! On my way to Denerim in an uncomfortable train. Answer me when you can.All confirmed for Saturday? :) ]

Cullen. (3 hours later) [ Confirmed. ]

Aisling. [ Yay!! Can’t wait! ^O^ I got so much to tell you! Ydun too can’t wait to meet you, finally! Any chance to get to an Ed Sheeran concert? I’d love to be reminded what’s good music in comparison and have a pizza afterwards, honestly. ]

*no reply*

[vtforpedro]

health update TW in tags

I had to find my last update to see where I left off. Oofta. Things have progressed in both a good and bad way! I’d love to say only good lol dear god I wish I could say everything is just g o o d for once. I’m currently going through an emotional upheaval because of how badly my home life is and coming to realize I’m in an abusive situation with the last person on earth I thought that could happen. I’ve lost the last safe person ‘in real life’ that I have because of this. My mom. She is my solid rock and 100% full time supporter and this situation of becoming my nearly full time caregiver and the stresses it has put on her (let alone me) have, uh. Well, brought out the worst. It’s devastating honestly. My therapist has been a little too pushy for my liking trying to get me to hire home health help but 1. money 2. insurance would need a diagnosis if we went through them and idk if ‘hey we sliced up her nerves in her back during an LP and didn’t find out until five months in’ would cut it 3. I don’t really need it anymore. But yeah emotionally I am wrecked. My mom refuses therapy or family therapy so I have to keep surviving this kind of horrific situation I’m in lol it’s been bad the entire time but I finally snapped months into it and started laying down hard boundaries and for those of you familiar with abusers, you’ve probably experienced the joy of their reactions to boundaries. :) It’s situational because my mom has never been this way with me in my life but I feel like 31 years went down the drain in *months* and the things she’s said and done can’t be completely recovered from. I don’t know what to do. Once I’m out of this situation I can tell her that the only way I will ever feel comfortable being open with her again is to do family therapy but 🤷‍♀️ can’t make her do anything, so we’ll see. Physical health wise re: the LP horror show? BETTER! I’m getting better. I started physical therapy a month ago and I think I’ve had 6 sessions? Maybe 7? Idk. Leaps and bounds. I can sit on a toilet by myself. I can sit and stand everywhere but one place by myself and it’s only because my couch is wasted lmao and I need help up for the same reason. Otherwise? All me. We’re practicing getting up by myself from my recliner (can do just fine) and getting down and comfortable with everything I need (still a work in progress) so my mom can go to her home more and work more and we both get independence!!!!! I am going to sit at my computer chair and see how long I last before it hurts but I need my body to get used to sitting up again. Otherwise, the two guys I work with (one, mostly, as the other is v quiet) is THRILLED with how well I’m doing and that even if I’m tired/in pain I get through PT every time. I’m super psyched actually. Legit PUMPED every time I step into this place. It feels fantastic. I can’t wait to see where I am in another month. Maybe out of this recliner except when I willingly want to be in it 😂 but still gonna pace myself and listen to my body. I saw my pain specialist yesterday (who ordered the PT) and I told her and she said she had literal goosebumps and she was so happy for me. It felt really good to hear ;3; Unfortunately, head pressure is getting bad but hey at least I got the LP done 🙄 need to lose weight and adjust meds and hopefully get the rest of my normal life back someday. Gonna needs lots of trauma therapy to get there too. So that’s far off. I’ve not been feeling too well lately generally tho and I’m nervous b/c I have labs for my hematologist on Monday and she wants to check for ‘other leukemias and lymphomas’ so hhhhhh. I’ll see her a couple weeks after that and I’m afraid she’s gonna order the bone marrow biopsy but u_u what can I do Anyway. Hope you’re all doing okay. Love you all and thanks for always listening and supporting me. It means the world. 💜

[ray-the-fanatic]

2k12 Rasey - All Of The OTP Questions MASTERLIST uwu

OTP Masterlist questions  I feel this is revenge

LOOK they on my mind soo uwu

Who’s the primary protector of the two? Both, these two are always jumping in front of the other. Pulling the other one back behind them. And you know they are fighting over it cause they wanna protect the other

Who sleeps in and who is the early bird? Neither of them, Casey and Raph both go out late at night for one, the only Time casey likely up early is for school and ya know he’s hardly ever on time

Who is the least patient? Ehhh Raph surprisingly. Having three brothers helps hes a bit more used to the teasing not to mention he tends to show the most patient towards casey compared to the rest of the group. Likely cause him and Casey are similar

Which of the two listens to old music and which one is more into the newer stuff? hmm Raph likely listens to older stuff cause well lives underground legit so he comes across music in a slower rate at times, I feel Casey also tends to just cause he knows what he likes but is more likely to find new stuff at least to them to share with Raph to listen too.

Who’s the first one to quit a new hobby because they’re not great at it on the first try? Probs Raph, but he can be coaxed into trying again if it’s turned into a competition. Casey is a bit more stubborn or dumb enough to keep trying.

Who holds a grudge the longest? Hmm im going with Casey, Raph was pretty open to giving Slash a chance after all things that happened. Casey though is far more of a grudge holder though.

Who secretly knows all the lyrics to the other’s favorite songs but refuses to expose themselves? Raph. This boy likely listens to any song Casey says he loves on repeat just because Casey said they liked it so much.

Who’s more likely to cry about a plant dying? mmm maybe Raph? he more an animal guy but if he tried taking care if a plant he get attach fast only for it to die on him u-u

Which of the two is the most outspoken? hmm  Raph dose seem a bit more quick or in the least willing to say things like sorry or how he feels on a something. Its the truth and honest but you might not wanna hear it. Casey seems to keep some things to himself unless he wants to be snarky.

Which of the two is quick to speak and which one is quick to listen? Nah both on this. Its cute but often you see one of them just be quick to look at the other when they talk in the show, and you know these two spend a lot of time chatting when they got around the city to patrol around. They can’t help but snap their attention to the other.

Who’s the most eager to have kids? Uhhh ya know i’m not sure on this one. Like we see Raph with his pet Chompy he treats them very much like a baby so he at least would be good with them. Casey has a younger sister he helps out with but would he want kids so soon? I feel they both are good with them but would have to talk about that far down the road.

Which of the two rolls their eyes the most often? It’s amazing Casey’s eyes haven’t fallen out of his skull yet u_u

Who’s an open book and which one is more reserved? I feel toward each other they are both open books after awhile, they know that they always have someone on thier side, ready to get mad with them. Someone who will hear them vent and point out why they are right. So it’s a nice safe space to let the feelings out when it’s just them.

Who gets the most invested in their hyperfixations? Casey for sure, one of the few luxrays he got sometimes is his interests

Who’s into Eurovision? eh maybe they watch it a bit but I cant seen them invested on either side?

Which one’s the first to help a stranger in need? I’ll give them both this one, like Casey has better odds since he’s human and all But that dosen’t mean Raph dosen’t try and step in as well. But he tries to hide best he can.

Who’s had the same pair of jeans for years and refuses to change them out? Raph don’t own jeans u-u

Which of the two is the most gullible? hmm Raph can be a bit more suspicions at times but they can both be lured into traps and such due to short tempers.

Which of the two acts bothered by the other one but secretly enjoys every second of it? pfft please, when they first met sure but these two went on a mini adventure and suddenly are touching foreheads and yelling for the heck of it ready to go fight more. these dorks openly enjoy every second of it.

Who’s more likely to get into a bar fight? I think the better question is which of these two started that fight?

Who’s the optimist and who’s the pessimist? hmmm Casey  can be a bit more pessimistic compared to Raph but that could be thanks to Raph growing up around Mikey

Who gets more easily embarrassed? hmm Raph, all the time. Hes a bit more sensitive with his interests and he hates anyone making a single comment about it, or even him being sweet with his pets u-u

Which of the two would you rather team up with for a game of laser tag? If I had the full free choice? I’m picking both on my team and letting them out on the floor free cause if they against each other they will only shoot at each other and you know it. Together tho I can just chill and let them have at the other team

Who gets a little too invested in board games? I know the turtle played a DND game once and Raph at first wasn’t into it only to grow invested later. So Raph hands down. I cant see Casey able to sit still long any way.

Which of the two is more likely to take care of the other’s elderly parents? Ignoring a certian fact here but I think they both would. Casey got to know Splinter pretty well and I’m sure Raph would get to meet Casey’s folks at some point and ...cause of reasons I refuse to say cause im in denail he would be good to them

Which of the two is more likely to stand out in a crowd? I mean clearly the weird in all black, with the hockey mask is the weird one between a human and a mutant turtle!

Who will be the one baking banana bread on a Sunday after a week of complete mayhem? Pfft ya know let them make the bread together all battered and bruised but they got hungry time for banana bread before casey got another week of school

Who brings CapriSun to a frat party? Casey.

Who’s the designated driver? I feel it would be a switch off between them

Who sugarcoats and who shoots it straight? Nah they both shoot it straight, you just wanna be careful with what you ask they don’t pull their punches after all. You will get their opinion. 

Who insists they’re the best at everything and who lets them believe it? Pfft yeah not they both think they are the best but there is no way either of them is letting the other get away with it. They will jump in on telling them why they are wrong and you know it turns into a fright after that

Who’s the first to apologize? I feel it comes down to context of the fight, iimma throw Raph a bone at least because you do see him willing to with Leo at times. But I think Casey would be able to offer one first himself.

Who takes on boring tasks around the house so the other person doesn’t have to do them? Hmm I feel Casey has a bit better expereince with this stuff due to home life, so i can see Raph wanting to kind of give Casey a break so he tries to do some stuff to give casey a hand (like in the context of stuff we talk about just Raph at caseys fam out and Raph just starts like picking up when Casey is wrapping up school work ;3;)

Who’s the more skeptical of the two? Ehh Raph tends to come off a bit more so, odd seeing how he is a literal mutant.  Casey was a bit more open to believing there was weird stuff going on in the city with out much proof.

Who picks up languages faster? Uhhhh hmm ya know I’m not sure.

Who’s better at dealing with emotional trauma? Oh uh let see here uh yeah thats gonna be HA HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA Oh and uh HA

Who’s more foulmouthed? The amount of times I swear Raph nearly drops a swear! but if they were allowed im sure it be both of them easily likely call each other asshole and such out of affection.

Who’s more in touch with internet culture? Alternatively, if they live in a world where the internet doesn’t exist, who would be more in touch with it if it did exist in their world? Likely Casey but not by much he seems pretty offline like his homelife and after school stuff seems to be why he isn’t much involved with it though.

Which of the two is more artistic? Nah Both of them and I love it for them ;3; just they could have done street art together!!

Who’ll be the first to snap if someone makes a bad comment about the other person? Both. Legit just goes down as someone insults one of them so they snap to their boyfriends defense but boy freind then steps in to say they got this XD

Who’s the most self-aware? ehh lets give this to Raph due to the ninja training, he is a bit more aware of things thanks to that.

Who has the most self-control? Ehh seeing how they share in similar struggles I feel since meeting each other they have gotten better about self-control with their anger.

Which of the two would be more likely to make a family album with physical pictures? hmm I feel like Casey would, I cant image a photo album getting by raphs brothers.

Who would confess their love first? Okay considering what I sent to your ask box Raph uwu hes a bit more sensitive and more in tune with what he feeling it might be hard for him and take him time he is a turtle but I feel he would be the one to confess first.

Who gets most excited about holidays? e.g. Christmas They are too cool for that, but deep down they both look forward to certain days even more so if they can spend them together.

Who gets most intense during a fight? both u-u. Raph gose to far sometimes even when just training, Casey also has gone to far only to be stopped by Raph. They need to be kept in check because sometimes they aim a bit to hard.

Who’s the cheapest? I mean is there a way to be the cheapest? Casey isn’t all that wealthy and Raph don’t got money.

Who’d refuse to pay the others bail just to mess with them? Casey, hes a brat I just see it in him standing smug arms crossed teasing Raph who stuck behind the bars least till they placate Casey enough to stop he may regret it though.

Who’s the most concerned about details and semantics and who doesn’t care at all? ehhhhh

Who invites the other to dance for the first time? hmm I like to think it be Casey, they just chilling together music starts up they enjoying so Casey decides hey lets dance and has to convince Raph a little before he joins in

Who overthinks the most? These two would have to know how to think.

Who whines the most when they get sick? pft maybe Raph he tends to be called a big baby after all just all pathetic about being sick

Who’s the most ambitious? Casey, guy keeps going to school despite his grades u-u not to mention the whole him trying to take on shredder alone so ya know yeah

Who’s the most likely to get stage fright? Who’se more likely to breath air, these two would start the street fight and if not join it cause hey a street fight! XD

Who’s the best cook? Casey likely cooks better than Raph can, Raph can cook a bit not great mind you but no where near Casey either.

Which of the two is the most competitive? Both. And worse when together uwu

Who’s got the highest pain tolerance? Okay so the turtle have a lot of enhancements due to the mutation and all and Raph straight up lifted and threw Cases down on to a car, and into a wall and such when they fought and Casey was able to go to school with just some bruises so Im gonna give this to Casey.

Who’s the most fashionable? Again raph aint wear clothes u-u Casey trash fashion wins

Who’s the most stubborn? I fear these two having couple fights because you know they get dragged out they gonna need a break system for fights u-u

Who’s the most childish? These two need an adulter adult when they become adults

Who’s the best at throwing axes? uh Im going to say Casey I’m sure he had help with chopping wood before

Who’s more likely to buy some stupid NFT just because it looks cool or cute?

Whose grammar is so bad it’s a miracle they graduated 5th grade? Casey.

Who starts gearing up for Christmas first? hmmm I could see them both wanting to but worried they will look dumb to the other u-u only to cave at the sometime well throwing insults at each other as if they are not also getting geared up

Who’s got the most scars (physically)? Im going with raph based on design along he has chips in his shell after all.

Who would survive the longest in the wild? Casey is a feral animal and somehow hasn’t been adopted by a family of raccoons.

Who’s the most spiteful? I was just gonna leave this blank for the joke but I feel you know its both of them.

Which of the two would you choose to be stuck with in an emergency situation? Please for the love of all things neither of them.

Who’s the most likely to hurt the other’s feelings unintentionally? sadly I’m sure they may both be guilty of this sometimes they may just tread  abit to close to open wounds when they get into it.

Which of the two has the most dominant traits, aka., which of the two would their child end up resembling the most? ...yeah uh

Who makes their bed in the morning and who's more of a slob? Have you seen Raphs room? Casey might be a tad tidder but honestly im sure both have a nest they just never both fixing up and just jump right in to at the end of the day.

Who'll be caught saying "rules are made to be broken"? They only learn the rules to break each one together, get through the list faster.

Whose hobbies/interests change every 2-5 business days? Eh I feel they are both pretty consisted in what they are all about.

Who'd be able not to talk for the longest? Look Casey Im sure Raph has pulled im not talking to you a lot with his brothers, but that dosen’t mean he was good at it. Takes just one of them breathing wrong so im sure Casey has this in the bag.

Whose I-Hate-Everything-And-Everyone teenage phase was the most intense/lasted the longest? pffft will it ever end for either of them :’D

Who'd take the gingerbread house decorating contest just a little too seriously? Seeing how both are artist? I think they will just both go ham

Who's more likely to execute their threats? Both if anything they offer to help with thier boy friends threat.

Who has the more embarrassing Spotify Wrapped? + Give a run-down of each character's Spotify Wrapped, in as much or little detail as you want. Raph dose and you know why XD look he needs the music to vibe to in order to help his mood XD

Who's the most likely to take a bribe? Who has the hardest time finishing a train of thought because they get distracted by a million other things along the way? To take a bribe I say raph only if it’s something he really dose want or will be worth taking. Casey had an idea once and seems that was his qoutea u-u

[groupwest]

Rough day kind of I guess it’s just that I don’t know how I’m gonna get better. I can’t seem to put the work in. I wonder if it’s this or that that’s caused this but it doesn’t really matter I just can’t move forwards. I can’t seem to do anything on my own anymore. I feel like such a supporting character such a side role but also I can barely talk to anyone let alone the people I truly want to be spending my time with. I have my family more or less and I feel compelled to stay with them, both compulsively and against my will, I want to leave and I want freedom but only on my own terms and I am a million miles away from being ready or able to do so. I’m so tired and I don’t know how to live my life I don’t know how to be like everybody else I was never taught how. I wish I was where I could be if I had never withdrawn into isolation so so so many times. I can’t imagine where I would be now and who I would be if I had just been able to bare through it all, the people who would still be in my life if I hadn’t been so weak. Nothing feels real anymore and the way the days rush by seems so cruel. I feel abandoned my by mother and I know my dad thinks I don’t want to spend time with him but it feels like he’s giving up on me too and everyone is so frustrated with each other all the time here and I cant get my days to be nearly as productive as I’d like them to be, yet I still can’t reply to peoples texts, I still can’t actively save my best friend from her incredibly abusive relationship or even spend any time with her at all or even text her back half the time, I can’t put the work in to getting my licence so a job is totally out of the question and I just want to build my little house out of fucking clay but my body is so weak because I can’t ever remember to eat, this is just such bullshit, why is my life like this why do I just let it happen how does anyone else bare to watch me live like this let alone the people who love me because I just can’t see why other than the pretty face or the fact that I try to keep up some impression of me being someone of value in any way I guess. I literally have to do something with my life I can’t let myself or the people who believe in me down but life really is fucked up no matter what you say people still are ruining this planet and ruining the lives of the people they think are below them and it’s just so horrible it makes you never want to be a part of society in any way. But then you remember the beauty and you must go on I guess. I know I’ll get there and the longer it takes me the more incredible it will be when I get there. Whatever whatever I have to stop typing this. Bleh u_u

[yappacadaver]

You like the deep roads????

I am still so off my groove cause of the meds thing, so I’m going to stream DA2 again xD 

I’m picking up right where I left off last night, all Act 1 quests complete except the deep roads expedition which I will be starting immediately (after getting my equipment in order). Wanna see what happens to my sibling? Probably not this questline is so cursed u_u

I’ll be live in 20 mins (9:45 PM EST) streaming for probably 3-4 hours. Feel free to drop in, hang out, chat or not, maybe lurk if you’ve got other things to do! Any interaction is appreciated always :D

BIG OL TWITCH LINK 

[dokidokitsuna]

SSS Formalwear

Designing these outfits was a random decision, to be honest. ^^; But then, once I had drawn them, I decided I could use them to further the story: what if they wore these outfits to a sort of inauguration party for the Green Zone II?

You might think it’s a little early in the plot for another Green Zone to be being built, but-- (a) construction is just starting; all that exists right now is the perimeter of Star Blocks they set up during their scouting missions. (b) I think it might be nice for the stakes to rise a little before the *thing* happens that really kicks off the plot. ^^ And now they’ll have a new city to watch over that will grow with them throughout the story.

I’m gonna do a drawing or two with these outfits in the near future. But right now, here’s some design notes✨:

Morpho: Simple and elegant, just like his usual style (now with more butterflies~). I briefly considered giving him a gown, but I think something like this suits him more. Besides, I kinda wanted to draw him wearing actual pants, just this once. ^^;

Susie: Believe it or not, it took me so many tries to come up with this simple gown+shawl combo. TTuTT And this sketch doesn’t even do it justice; it’s supposed to be kind of glowy and shimmery...with futuristic clothes, it’s all about the texturing. u_u Just wait till I draw it properly, you’ll see...

Gal: I decided to diverge from his usual sporty-punk look and make him a sparkly prince, complete with a crown! :D I promise, I’ll try harder to render his glittery shorts-suit next time, because it’s honestly the centerpiece of the outfit.

DMK: By FAR the most difficult design of the group...mostly because it’s the weirdest. ^^ Everyone else at least references the usual rules for formal attire; he rejects them completely with his giant vampire-hunter coat and cowboy hat. XD I think this is the kind of wild thing his character would wear, though.

MK: ...The only normal one. ^^; I think he looks very sharp though, and the lilac shirt and denim sneakers add a touch of innocence/cuteness.

[thequackcity]

Quackity and Schlatt’s Relationship - More Complicated Then You Think

(this is all /rp and about the characters from the dream smp! pls assume i have the dignity not to write analysis of youtubers)

recently there was a bit of discourse surrounding the relationship between Quackity and Schlatt floating around on tumblr. tho i never saw the original post that sparked the conversation, i did see a few posts that were inspired by it mentioning how they disliked that the original post implied that Quackity and Schlatt were mutually abusive and/or equally bad for each other 

since i never saw the original post, i can't be sure if that's what the op meant to imply. it's not really my place to speak about a post that i never got the chance to read. BUT the conversation that was caused by the post in question did get me thinking about how this fandom treats the relationship between Quackity and Schlatt and how little nuance there is in discussions about it

now before i say anything else, i want to make a few things clear:

i don't think Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship is mutually abusive. no need to worry about hearing that from this post

i don't look down on ppl who have different interpretations of their relationship

there will be potentially triggering content in this analysis. i will place a quick warning whenever i think one is needed!

their relationship is romantic in canon and therefore i’ll be treating it as romantic

alright now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way, we can finally get on with the analysis! i apologize for how long this is gonna be

part 1: let's talk relationship!

i think we can all agree that Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship was not exactly a healthy one. tho it didn't start out that way, it certainly turned into what could be read as abusive or toxic (i personally read their relationship as being abusive in its later half due to evidence provided by the text, but i understand if others prefer to view it as just toxic instead)

but what happened that led to their partnership ending so badly? what caused all of this mess?

well, it was a lot of things. but we will get to that later. let's talk relationship first!

from the very beginning, Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship was pretty one-sided. tho they both clearly liked each other as friends/partners in crime both before and after the election (yes they did interact before the election!) Quackity was also interested in Schlatt romantically- something that Schlatt wasn't fully committed to

as we all know from the infamous date stream and from a few other moments, Quackity and Schlatt enjoyed playfully flirting with each other- tho it was pretty obvious that Quackity was more serious about it then Schlatt was even tho Schlatt considered Quackity to be very attractive

in my opinion, Quackity is someone who wants a long term relationship, while Schlatt is more interested in flings. this can be seen in Schlatt refusing to marry Quackity and rejecting most of his advances while Quackity tried his best to convince him to feel otherwise. Tommy put it best: Quackity is just one of Schlatt’s many bitches U_U

to Quackity, the romantic aspect of their relationship was very important. because Schlatt never actually shot him down or told him that he didn't feel the same way, Quackity took that to mean that they were truly in love. Schlatt on the other hand wasn't very invested in the romantic side of things but clearly valued Quackity’s looks and his support as an ally against Pogtopia so he never fully rejected Quackity’s advances

this might not seem like too big of a deal considering the other things that happened between them, but i think it shows part of the nature of their relationship. there is a lot of miscommunication and, on Schlatt’s end, manipulation of emotions. love is a strong motivator for loyalty and Schlatt is a smart guy who would know how to use that to his advantage

but that isn't to say that Schlatt didn't ever care about Quackity!

Schlatt is a complicated guy and figuring out when he's actually being genuine can be pretty difficult. but i think there are some moments that point to Schlatt genuinely caring about Quackity

when he was alive, Schlatt was pretty paranoid. not as paranoid as Wilbur, but certainly up there. but there were never any times where he truly questioned Quackity’s loyalties after his first day as president. Schlatt also seemed truly upset that Quackity betrayed him, bringing up their status as partners in crime while ranting about how much it hurt him and singling Quackity out while talking about how he had been abandoned during his time of need

Schlatt also spent a lot of time sulking after Quackity betrayed him and whining to Ponk about needing a new bitch. this is in contrast to how angry he was after Tubbo betrayed him- both during and after the execution

there is also the situation with the Big Man Gym 

after being dead for a while, Schlatt contacted Quackity despite them leaving off on bad terms and asked for him to visit him in his cave gym. when Quackity showed up, Schlatt talked about how he valued their relationship and the good times they had together. tho this can easily be seen as emotional manipulation, Schlatt’s a lot smarter than he seems and- if he doesnt have memory issues due to being a ghost- would know that Quackity’s opinion of him was in the dump at the time of his death and most likely wouldn't have improved since then. Fundy has a higher opinion of Schlatt than Quackity does and is someone who obviously craves validation. but Schlatt went to Quackity first anyway and trusted him to help revive him

i think that this is all good evidence that points towards Schlatt truly caring about Quackity as much as someone like Schlatt can care about anyone- or at least valuing him as a companion

i also think that it is pretty common knowledge that Quackity cared about Schlatt- and possibly still does- but i will go over a bit of evidence that i haven’t already mentioned before we move on to the next part

Quackity tried multiple times to impress Schlatt (like when he lied about knowing how to play chess), would attempt to help Schlatt when he was drowning in water, sadly said that they could have had something together while Schlatt was dying in the caravan, and implied that he wouldn’t have left if Schlatt hadn’t taken down the white house. Quackity also willingly went to the Big Man Gym after being summoned there by Schlatt and wanted to revive him long before the revive book became part of the story

part 2: what made it fall apart?

everything i've said so far has been pretty interesting (hopefully) but it doesn't really answer the original question: what went wrong to turn Schlatt and Quackity’s mainly positive partnership sour?

well it comes down to two things in my opinion: their incompatible desires for political power and Schlatt’s deteriorating mental state

Quackity wanted political power from the beginning and wasn't afraid to be open about his desires. he pooled his votes with Schlatt because Schlatt offered him the position of vice president, something Wilbur and Tommy weren’t willing to give to him. tho Quackity obviously cared about L’Manburg and wanted to see good things for it, he also desired power and was willing to team up with someone he didn't fully agree with to get said power

at 32:40 in this video, Quackity talks about how in politics everyone uses everyone so it's alright if Schlatt is using him. he then talks about how he doesn't want to be a man with no power and how he understands that Schlatt’s main goal is also gaining/keeping power. Quackity also shows a bit of his naughty evil side by saying if he overthrows Schlatt then the fun ends too early! 

(side note: these two are pretty evenly matched in intelligence and manipulativeness, i love it!) 

it's a bit of a fandom misconception that Quackity was a love sick yes man during the Manburg era. tho Quackity did want to please Schlatt and was in love with him, he didn't shy away from standing up to or disagreeing with Schlatt when he believed it was needed

at around 26:12 of this video, Quackity and Schlatt meet together in private and Quackity tells Schlatt off for playing down his role in the power structure of Manburg. since this was very early in Schlatt’s reign, Quackity shows no fear towards him and confidently tells him not to treat him like that

Quackity also broke Niki out of jail after regretting letting her be put there in the first place, tried to convince Schlatt to not execute Tubbo, jumped in front of Fundy when Schlatt tried to attack him, tried to stop Schlatt from tearing down buildings, and attempted to protect the white house he built from being destroyed by Schlatt. these are not behaviors of a pure yes man but of someone who, despite fear, has the confidence to speak up for himself even when disrespected by someone in authority

Quackity has always been someone who wanted power and someone who was never a yes man to authority. this contradicts with how Schlatt believed Quackity should act as vice president. in Schlatt’s opinion, Quackity’s one job is to sit around looking pretty while Schlatt does all of the important things and holds all of the power. Schlatt was a big fan of promoting people to worthless positions of authority and its pretty obvious that he considered vice president to be similar to the fake positions he gave Fundy and Tubbo 

in the end, this was a big part of what destroyed their relationship. like it or not, Quackity’s a power hungry guy and always has been. he didn't like that Schlatt constantly shoved him aside and refused to listen to him

now onto the nasty bit...Schlatt’s mental state

cw for mentions of alcoholism, mental deterioration, and abusive behavior  

before i say anything more, i just want to say that i don't think having issues with alcoholism makes someone a bad person. i personally have some issues with such things so it would be pretty stupid of me to say being an alcoholic makes you a bad person. alcoholism does negatively affect your cognitive functions tho and, combined with other health issues, can cause some of the very serious mental problems that Schlatt clearly struggles with

throughout the Manburg era, Schlatt’s mental state rapidly deteriorated. he went from a pretty normal- if eccentric- guy who had a drinking problem, to someone who was delirious most of the time. it's a sharp and noticeable decline that caused a lot of pain for Quackity due to Schlatt often taking his excess aggression out on him by yelling at him and/or belittling him. tho Schlatt often belittled Quackity before he went fully off of the deep end, it was never as aggressive as it was when he was in this delirious state of mind

it was during one of Schlatt’s most aggressive and delirious moments that he tore down the white house despite Quackity’s protests. as we all know, this caused Quackity to snap and kill Schlatt (it's more complicated than that but we will get back to that). as mentioned previously, Quackity implied that he would have stayed with Schlatt if the white house hadn’t been destroyed

in my opinion, these two things combined are the biggest reasons why Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship fell apart. their differing desires for power were not compatible and Schlatt’s awful behavior while his mental state declined caused a rift between them that couldn't be fixed

part 3: how toxic was it really?

cw for emotional and physical abuse 

as i said all the way back in part one, Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship was not healthy. i have provided many examples in the other two parts that shine a light onto why it wasn't healthy, but i didn't show the entire picture

there are many moments that show exactly how Schlatt treated Quackity when he was acting at his worst and none of them are pretty. tho Schlatt was never truly aggressive with his insults until he started to go off of the deep end, that doesn't mean that what he said wasn't negatively affecting Quackity

Schlatt would belittle, insult, and mock Quackity for his appearance not being up to his standards, for his opinions, and for being emotional in ways that Schlatt disapproved of like crying. tho Schlatt would often brush off Quackity’s reactions towards this cruel behavior, it's very clear that Schlatt’s treatment of him has stuck with Quackity in many ways

Quackity is very sensitive about his appearance and it seems to be because of how badly Schlatt hurt his self esteem during their time together. Schlatt tied Quackity’s worth to his appearance and then would claim he wasn't meeting his standards of attractiveness. we can tell that this has stuck with Quackity because of his sensitivity towards people bringing up the scar on his face (something that greatly alters his physical appearance) and he still reacts very badly when Schlatt calls him the mocking nickname flatty patty

speaking of flatty patty- that stupid insult shockingly has a lot of weight in Quackity’s relationship with Schlatt. tho its something the audience is meant to laugh at, the nickname also shows just how little Schlatt respects Quackity because he's constantly throwing it around just to make Quackity upset. Schlatt’s last words are flatty patty all because he wanted to get in one last dig at his ex and ruin Quackity’s day even further 

Schlatt tends to do a lot of things that are intended to make Quackity upset. tearing down the room Quackity made for him in the white house is the biggest example of this- especially since Schlatt mentions how it will upset Quackity while he does it. you can see this moment at around 19:10 of this video

and now let's get into the elephant in the room when it comes to these two: Quackity was scared of Schlatt. tho we never really see Schlatt hit or attack Quackity physically outside of their confrontation at the white house or their confrontation in the caravan, these clips imply that Quackity was at the very least scared of Schlatt physically harming him in some way 

as for actually physically harming him, Schlatt hits Quackity multiple times with a pickaxe and with his fists during their white house fight. Quackity hits Schlatt a couple times too, tho these are all primarily defensive blows since he is trying to protect himself and his property. he also chases after Quackity with a bow after Quackity’s plan to trick him into signing Manburg over to the Pogtopians fails and hits him multiple times during the caravan confrontation

all of this evidence shows that Schlatt was an abusive (or at least toxic) partner towards Quackity and someone who greatly affected him in many ways

tho Quackity did a few questionable things throughout his relationship with Schlatt (such as trying to get Schlatt to have sex with him despite Schlatt not being interested as shown in the later half of this video) and did some downright morally wrong things during his time as vice president of Manburg, no one deserves the pain of an abusive relationship- even a person who has done bad things

as a brief side note before we move on because i know people will bring it up if i skip over it, Quackity did- and most likely still does- want to literally possess Glatt. he brought up reviving Schlatt and using him as a political pawn after Schlatt’s funeral and during their conversation at the Big Man Gym Quackity talked about owning Glatt and having him work at Las Nevadas with no pay

this is unsettling behavior to say the least but this essay isnt about the aftermath of their relationship so much as it is about their relationship when it was actually happening. maybe i will make another post talking more about how Quackity’s relationship with Schlatt affected him even after Schlatt’s death and/or about Quackity’s relationship with Glatt

part 4: final thoughts

i’m not exactly sure why the nuances in Schlatt and Quackity’s relationship get lost when it comes to the fandom, but it’s pretty disappointing to see. hopefully this essay can help people take a closer look at canon and maybe even help them find something interesting that they’d want to explore!

tho the point of this essay is to clear up any misconceptions and hopefully add some nuance to the conversations surrounding Schlatt and Quackity’s relationship, i also wrote it in hopes of showing people how fascinating these two partners in crime were back in the Manburg days. i didn’t cover everything but i think i did a pretty good job for my first analysis post in the dsmp fandom

also since you read to the end, i must say thank you! it really does means a lot to me that you did. i hope you enjoyed and maybe even learned something. this post can be used as a resource if anyone wants to use it as such

here’s a tiny devil Quackity for your troubles <3

[notcapableofbeingtheguy]

Hiii I love bcs so much but I still haven't decided for myself if I feel queerbaited or not (re Gus, mostly, like I just want to be Acknowledged by the universe in a way straight audiences can't ignore you know?); do you ever get frustrated by this/know people who talked about it on tumblr/do you know of more subtle nods like that Patrick Fabian thing...

(Bf hasn't seen bcs and I have nobody to talk to about it u_u so hiiii)

Hiiii! Thanks for asking this and sorry for the response time. I wrote like a ten page essay on why what BBC Sherlock did was so wrong so I also hate queerbaiting and I totally feel you. I don’t talk about it very much on here because having invested a lot of energy into pulling for queer ships/characters that didn’t pan out ina previous period of my life, it’s not where I currently try to center my experience of media, especially when there’s so much about BCS that’s just so wonderful to celebrate (tldr I’m just trying to meme around and have a good time rn)— but you are totally right that there is a very frustrating problem in the gilliverse with queer rep (there isn’t any), and it’s worth talking about so I’ll throw in my two cents.

I tend to categorize content that lacks explicit canon queer rep, but has queer coded characters into two varieties:

1) classic straight people shit. Writers are too heteronormative/homophobic to even think about having queer characters. They are not aware of/concerned with their queer audience. Any queer coding that arises in such content/any characters that are read as implicitly queer is largely accidental. We (queer viewers) know how to easily recognize common signs of queerness but the writers don’t, and so when these things get into their scripts and characters, it’s not intentional. They’re just reflecting what they see in the world (which happens to include queer vibes, queer codes, queer narratives, because those EXIST in the world), and trying to write characters who feel varied and unique— and traits that often clock as queer (e.g. gender deviance, a witty/flirtatious edge, flamboyance in men and stoicism in women) tend to make for compelling and real feeling characters. They don’t have the awareness to understand how those things read to an audience— they think they’re just writing saucy straight people.

2) Queerbaiting. Writers are aware of queer themes and queer codes, and of the potential queer flavor they can give characters. They are aware they have a potential or actual queer audience, to whom these codes and themes will speak. They want to write characters who have a queer flavor, for whatever reason (courting a queer/liberal audience, because they think it’s “funny” (which may not even be something they consciously clock as homophobic), or simply as part of an attempt to write characters who feel varied and unique, as I mentioned above), BUT they also INTENTIONALLY don’t want to write queer representation for whatever reason (e.g. marketability to a conservative audience, their own homophobia).

(((Bonus #3 would be content written by queer people/allies who are living under censorship of some kind that makes it impossible for them to state their characters are queer explicitly. But this doesn’t apply to the gilliverse so we’ll ignore this for now)))

Obviously the major difference between these two types of rep comes in the intentions of the writers—do they know they’re writing queer coded characters or not, is it intentional? And this can sometimes be difficult to parse.

When I watched Breaking Bad, I assumed Gus’s writing was an instance of type 1. These were straight people who had no idea they had written a very gay man. And when I watch type 1 shows, they mostly don’t bother me. I get to have a laugh out of making a character queer with the fandom, and know there’s nothing to really be done about it. Yes, not having queer characters is homophobic, but the act of queer coding some of their characters itself wasn’t intentional, and so it doesn’t really add to my ire.

But in Better Call Saul, it became clear to me the writers KNOW. I only started paying attention to behind the scenes stuff recently, so people are welcome to fill in the blanks there if writers have talked about this in a way before that makes their intentionality clear. BUT I saw some things on the show in season five that were an explicit nod to Gus being queer-coded, the foremost being:

This reads as a homophobic Lalo joke to me (in terms of writer intention— obviously we all know lalo is gay, mlm hostility, etc etc etc), not as a canonization of Gus/Max. And when writers JOKE about their queer-codes relationships, THAT is what makes my blood boil. It shows that they are actively aware of the coding, but will not take the step to make it explicit. It feels like I’m being taunted. The baiting metaphor is apt: you bite down on what you think is sustenance and instead you get stabbed in the mouth by a barbed metal hook. I hear “boyfriend,” and I invest emotionally (I’m hooked), but I never get anything from it— no kiss, no explicit acknowledgement of who Max was to Gus— and that hurts.

Now, we don’t know yet whether we’ll get a canon acknowledgment of Gus’s sexuality. Maybe the fountain/school he dedicated to Max was supposed to be that nod from the writers? If so, I guess I would understand that it comes in the context of a show where many things are implied and the writing is very restrained. I would still be frustrated, and it would still be homophobic, because it would be SO EASY to make Gus (or any character) explicitly queer in a way that wouldn’t need to feel heavy handed but that would be impossible for straight audiences to deny (straight characters mention their partners in scenes all the time!). But I could MAYBE see a piece of where the writers were coming from.

I’m not really keeping my hopes up, honestly. For either explicit canonization on screen, or explicit statements from the writers. 🤷‍♂️ it could happen. If it doesn’t, we’ve been queerbaited. Not egregiously, in my opinion. I think the writers realized Gus was queer coded late in the game, and were too skittish/homophobic to fully pivot (I think they have NO IDEA howard, lalo, nacho, et al. come across as queer, and those are type 1 mistakes). Which IS homophobic, but isn’t bone-rattling to me. Still, it sucks, because I would love to be seen and Acknowledged, like you said, rather than toyed with. I’d love for the best show on television, which is celebrated for its dynamic characters (many of whom are dynamic and interesting in part BECAUSE of their queer coding), to have explicit queer representation on it. But alas… I don’t think it’s gonna happen 😔

Gilligould prove me wrong challenge!!!

[yuzurins]

hii !!! i read ur suna oneshot and i was in awe with the way you write 🥰 may i req the msby boys reacting to you getting scared from a horror movie?? thank u and have a nice day!!

how the msby boys would react to you getting scared during a movie

hello and thank you!! o/

this is my first time doing a request but ur prompt seems interesting so i’ll try my best :D sorry if it might be ooc, this is my pov of them!

also, these will only be headcanons (mini scenarios?) i would've definitely done full scenarios if i felt a bit more creative but writers block HAHA

↬ bokuto, atsumu, sakusa, hinata ღ

—bokuto

↝ tbh, he would probably get scared with you too

↝ tries to comfort you but end up being the one having to get comforted

↝ hugs you like a stuffed animal because he doesn't want to die

↝ almost suffocates you though because homie is scared to death

↝ you guys are both shaken up from the movie

"Y/N PLEASE I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DIE I WANT TO LIVE UNTIL IM 130 WAAAAAA"

"kOU CALM DOWN IM HERE WITH YOU IF WE GO DOWN THEN WE GO DOWN TOGETHER"

↝ i think you guys would have to call akaashi for this one... (ok i know its msby boys so its probably timeskip but we stan akaashi here so dont worry about it)

↝ being the good friend he is, he comes over for you two

"so what am i here for again?"

"MORAL SUPPORT 'KAASHI. MORAL SUPPORT."

↝ and by moral support, you mean another person to cling onto.

"you know, at this point, maybe we should just turn--"

"BUT ITS SO INTERESTING"

↝ and the same thing repeats for the rest of the movie..

↝ after it's finished, you guys have to watch some kids' show so you don't get nightmares.... like my little pony or barbie or something

↝ this event becomes a good topic in conversations for a good month. both the movie, and the way you two acted. :P

—atsumu

↝ acts like an actual child

↝ he would definitely tease you about it

↝ would be laughing his ass off until he gets scared by an unexpected jumpscare

↝ pretends to not be scared to act cool but he would end up squinting and looks away every 2 seconds to avoid seeing a scary part

"'HAH, 'TSUMU, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING AGAIN? KARMAS A BITCH"

"SHUT UP Y/N, I'M NOT A PUSSY LIKE YOU!"

"..." (he sticks his tongue out at you and you roll your eyes in response. you revert your gaze to the screen for a few seconds until.....)

"boo."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

↝ clings onto you like a koala from then on

↝ starts talking about the most randomest things to change the topic and to distract himself from the movie

"wow haha look at that cat its so cute i want a cat now hey y/n let's get a cATWEOARKJDHJKHSFDASFKJ WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING TO THE CAT OH MY GOD"

↝ and he doesn't even watch the movie after that point because he is hiding his face in your shoulder

↝ movie nights with tsumu are very interesting◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜

—sakusa

↝ sakusa seems like the type of person to be able to keep a straight face during the most scariest movies and because of that, he likes to watch horror movies for fun

↝ heck, he might even start making fun of the movie because he just simply doesn't understand how it is scary. probably finds germs more scary.

↝ he will feel disgusted from all the gore though, that's for sure

↝ he would be lost on how to comfort you because he has never been in your situation before, but he'll always be there to give you a hug or a shoulder to hide behind (bad with words)

↝ won't force you to keep watching if you really don't want to

↝ he would definitely move his hand to cover your eyes right before a jumpscare happens to protect you

↝ he keeps an arm around your shoulder and his hold on you would get tighter if you showed any sign of fear

↝ omi would be your knight (not in shining armour though.. maybe like a bodyguard l o l) who isn't scared of anything u_u

—hinata

↝ hinata would care more about you than the movie

↝ would ask you to hide behind him so he can protect you from the monsters

↝ i feel like he would yell at the TV LOL

"don't worry y/n, i will protect you! stay back monster🤺 I SAID STAY BACK! 🤺 I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU!!!!!"

↝ starts smiling after hearing you laugh

↝ also! cares! about! your! wellbeing! a lot! (cough manga cough)

↝ asks if you need water or a break or anything at all like ten times

"y/n, are you sure you're okay?"

"of course sho-chan! after all, i have you here to protect me if anything bad happens!"

↝ huge grin on his face!!!!!!!!!!! he feels happy to be able to be here for you :D

↝ TD;LR HINATA'S JUST TOO PRECIOUS >_<

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

it’s been on my mind but i want to talk about, or rather just gush about one of the doujin i physically own (edit after the fact: I sorta end up talking about two) .It’s a book I enjoy a lot! ...even though I can’t read a word of it.

it’s zounose from circle Yakumi Sarai (which as far as I know is a one person circle so basically its zounose’s ‘business name’)’s kamikamikami (< click for store page). I bought this sometime last year. It was in fact sometime last year where I really started going hard in on the impulse purchases, but when it comes to physical stuff like this, I don’t think I have any regrets?

It’s a comic featuring a simple but cool story. Probably. I’m pretty sure! I can’t read a word of japanese but... I feel like for this this story, i happened to be enough of a touhou nerd and enough of a mythology-related-to-touhou nerd that I got the grand gist of everything?

Said very general gist is that tewi is in trouble, she’s bedridden at the moriya shrine, and the eighty brothers from the the story of the hare of inaba are coming to get her. 💀(x80)

But even though tewi was apparently resigned to her fate, eirin is dedicated to helping her, and she gets help from the moriya crew, mostly kanako! And there’s a big action scene where they fight off the army and save the day. Perfect premise for a self-contained touhou summer movie 💥

zounose is one of my fav doujin artists though I’ll admit that’s not much coming from me because not only do I have a lot of ‘favs’, but all it really takes to be granted that title is that they had to have made more than one thing I’ve really liked! On top of me really wanting to own at least one book of theirs in my hand, I also was really drawn to this one in particular because honestly, off the top of my head I really can’t think of many stories that centers on Eirin, that wasn’t just her playing straightman or giving tough love to Kaguya and/or Reisen.

Plus its also rare to see Tewi in a role that’s not just being a prankster.

Though here’s tewi almost killing suwako for singing about frogs instead of rabbits.

Actually i do have a bit more understanding of some select scenes that I otherwise would have, because scans of this book were uploaded onto a p*rn site which were translated into chinese!

...i’m still too illiterate in my own mother tongue to have been able to read the chinese translations properly 😰 But it helped... It’s admittedly a kind of a little, or a Lot embarrassing for me to be so fond of something I can’t read.

I really really really like this scene of Eirin telling Tewi about how much of a debt she and Kaguya owe her for housing them, and pleading for Tewi to let Eirin help her with the whole eighty guys want to kill her problem, before Tewi refuses... 😢 But like, i’m only grasping the broad strokes of this and every other scene in the book! Right now, I can’t possibly appreciate the writing and passion put into this book as much as someone who actually knows the language is meant to. 😑

This is a barely related tangent at this point but now that it’s on my mind, there’s another book I own, hisona’s ‘drowning in nostalgia’ (< again, click for store page) or something to that effect that is really special to me...

it’s full of very evocative imagery and sorrowful expressions that really spoke to me (admittedly just slightly dampened because this artist has always had a bit of a sameface problem >_> ) and this whole doujin and its portrayal of Kutaka has become quite near to my heart over time... (u_u🐤i want be piyo the little chick who watches over her...)

...And I have no idea what a single word in it says!! I mean I have enough knowledge again of touhou and the related myths invoked in this story that i was able to infer, but if I tried going into detail,I’m sure I’d just greatly embarrass myself, acting so moved by a story i can’t possibly grasp the complete context of, and sounding like some weeb like from that troll comic who is only moved by images because they come from japan!! 💩💩 💩 (it’s actually because its touhou)

The truth is this whole train of thought with wanting to talk about kamikamikami was because i saw a lot of jpn twitter artists preparing doujins for reitaisai tomorrow, and wondering to myself if there’s really any point if me having these in my hands, ordering them when they’d definitely be more appreciated in the hands of people who can like, actually read the language. 🤔 ...well i mean, im happy to own them, and i’m supporting the creators with my purchases, so its probably still a net positive in the end. Just every now and then I feel a little silly as I look over them and start feeling emotional over dialogue that I’m just... assuming is heartfelt and wonderfully evocative n_n;;;;

[power-of-plot]

Nightmares - AOT hcs.

To make this short, i often have nightmares but lastnight was really bad so i felt like writing some comfort. If you had a nghtmare too remember it was not real and that i’ll kick whatever you dreamed of right in the ass. Also, i’m SO lazy i’m starting to get exasperated of looking for pics so i might make some banners :b

Warnings: None. Fluff <3. Some cussing (It’s levi what were you expecting)

We start off with this pure soul. He is the kind to stay up late at night either lost in his thoughts or studying, it’s rare he doesn’t notice when you’re having a nightmare though it’d depend how drastic are your reactions while you’re still asleep how soon he does.

If you are the kind who seems like they’re just chilling until they wake up gasping and looking around he’d drop on his lecture and go lay by your side, WITh a glass of water, very important. He always brings one. 

Talk to him about your sleep paralysis (if you’ve ever had one) now that you can move and there’s nothing creepy around he’d cuddle you. Suffer form Nyctophobia? (fear of the darkness), the lights are on for as long as you need it, he’d buy you a night light or put a candle next to you.

Cryig in your sleep? The moment he realizes that strange noise are actually your sobs he goes check on you and tries to calm you down first, he doesn’t want to wake you up. If you are heavy sleeper he’d turn the lights (or a candle bc in the walls they don’t have electricity-) on and gently shake you by the shoulder.

Now, if you are a noisy sleeper, the kind who ScReAmS you would give him a heart attack, see it from his perspective: you’re alone with your significant other apparently sleeping, you’re minding your bussiness and you suddenly hear them screaming. 

He goes straight to waking you up, lights on and a little more rough shake on your shoulder “Hey it’s not real! It’s a dream i’m here!” He’d hold you close you the first thing you see is him. 

If you wanted to he’d read for you, no it doesn’t make you a crybaby, he finds it sweet you  like it. If the book has illustrations he’d keep his fingers out of the way so you can see, his voice would be incredibly soothing. I feel like he’d read Moby dick. 

When cuddling he’d be the big spoon, yes you heard (actually read) right, i feel like he’d be the small spoon but in this case you need comfort and protection. He’d wrap his arms and legs around you, some kisses on your neck and the back of your head.

This dude- i currently just like his old self of s1-2. Taking in mind the recent events on the manga. 

He stays up late at night as well but exclusively lost in his thoughts, he’d always notice when you’re having a bad dream since he stays there with you either until it’s dawn and he has to get ready for his daily rutine or he falls back asleep.

If you’ve ever had a sleep paralysis and you are able to feel or hear things from the real world, his warmth and the sound of his breathing would be there, holding you is relaxing and beneficial for both. 

His eyes fix on you after he feels a wet spot forming on his shirt, are those those tears?- He doesn’t give a second thought to waking you up “Wake up! It’s not happening, it’s okay!!” Make emphasis into the it’s not happening, i’m sure he’s had nightmares about his mother.

I feel bad for him if you scream in your sleep, bye bye to his eardrums and double heart attack, he shakes you and talks loudly until you open your eyes, he wouldn’t say anything mean even when he’s raising his voice.

He doesn’t has any problem with staying all the night up to make you company if you can’t fall back asleep. Would push you a bit to not keep things to yourself, for your sake, he wants to comfort you.

He would have you lying over him. Both his hands resting on your back, one still and the other rubbing in a soothing way up and down, to keep your mind off the bad experience you just had he’d talk about what he used to do when he was a kid or times when Armin was mistaken for a girl. Poor Armin.

I don’t write for Levi cuz i feel like i suck at writing him, if this sucks i am very sorry u_u.

First, congratulations for gaining his trust to the point he is okay with sleeping with you, seize every damn second you can spend with him. Levi doesn’t show much emotion and he goes straight to the point, wich is results disturbing for some, specially when he’s insulting. This rule applies with affection as well, his way of loving is peculiar.

He doesn’t show a big reaction at all when he notices you’re crying, he does love you but his eyes know what hell looks like, he’d wipe your tears and either poke your face with his finger or shake you. “You’re dreaming, i’m right here, everything’s fine.”

His voice is relaxed but loud enough for you to understand clearly what he is saying, he’d hold your hand and caress it despite he’s not 100% certain you washed your hands after going to the bathroom. The sacrifices that must be done for humanity.

You screaming is the real deal, he wouldn’t have a heart attack, his soul would slip out of his body, screams just touch a nerve deep inside. If he was up doing his obsessive cleaning until he felt sleepy he would rush there even if he just mopped the floor, somehow managing not to slip.

Shakes you wih both hands, almost frenetically but careful of not breaking your neck-, this is of those rare cases when he shows another facial expression besides his usual neutral one; his eyes would widen.

He’d have your head on his chest and his chin resting on it, his arm over your shoulder and his free hand holding yours. He is not bothered in the slightest if your legs are longer than his or if your thigh alone is as big as his whole torso, expect some of his jokes about Erwin taking a shit and some anecdotes about his discovers during his cleaning.

“I was about to go into the basement and it turned out the two cadets i was looking for were there f-(censored). They were filthy.” “Literal or metaphorically?-” “...Both-”

Requests are open, i laughed writing this, hope you enjoyed it :)  Thanks for reading! drink some water and get sleep or else godzi- i mean the colossal titan gonna eat u.

[mar64ds]

I’m taking A LOT of notes thinking about my version of s4. I’ll talk about other episodes some other day, but here is all you need to know about the first one!:

Ep1. Notes

-Sam and Max are back to usual, but they have also started dating and going steady. It’s MY season so I can do what I want

-Since I can do what I want, the season starts with them on a date. A very wacky, very Sam-and-Max-like date, but still sweet

-The world around Max, sometimes even objects or people he touches, start to change, for a few seconds or even permanently. Max has become a living portal to other dimensions.

-They notice this in their date, so yeah the date also has plot relevance, and it also works as a good opening

-You get to explore the city for a bit, but your next objective is going to your new office

-Sam and Max are still moving into a new office, so while they are moving stuff back in, Mr Spatula is one of them (their NEW fish not the one that betrayed them in s1)

-When Max is holding Mr Spatula, multiverse shenanigans happens, and he is replaced by Mack Salmon. Mack Salmon recognizes them, but they do not. Mack Salmon flees and swears he’ll be back later to finally get rid of them, using whatever powers Max has for his own purposes. Mack Salmon is the main villain in this episode!

-This episode has a special feature, which you’ll need to use to complete a couple of puzzles, but also cause it’s just really cool to look at: you can change dimensions. Let me explain, you can at least change between limited versions of Sam and Max from other dimensions, all of them have different physics and gameplay mechanics that will help you when needed

-I would like for every episode to have a new different mechanic, kind of like s3 had but a bit different as well

-Your next objective is trying to find answers and solutions to Max’s new strange powers, they decide to talk to Ms Bosco

-You DO get to really explore the city now

-You can go talk to Sybil (in her new job), Bosco and his mom (in Ms Bosco’s lab) and The Stinkys (though Girl Stinky STILL doesn’t show up in this episode, but she WILL later on), among other characters

-Bosco tells you her mom isn’t here, you need to find out where she is

-She is in a school science festival! There are a couple of puzzles to get there

-You go talk to her, and you see that she was talking to a little girl there, The Geek

-The festival is interrupted by a couple of guys who want this place for their high school reunion party and demand everyone to leave

-These guys look familiar? Oh god, it’s an alternative version of the SODA POPERS. This is all Max’s fault u_u

-This alternative Soda Popers’s faces different, kind of cool even (at least that’s what THEY think) but their personalities are THE SAME

-I’m really sorry for drawing them like that but it genuinely is the funniest idea I’ve ever had

-Sam and Max feel bad for Ms Bosco and the little girl, and they also hate the Soda Popers, so they challenge them to a dance competition (yes this is the dance minigame of the cancelled game!)

-After you win, Ms Bosco tells them that she can help, but she’ll need time to create whatever can stop all this multiverse jumps, at least for a couple of hours. But Sam and Max definitely need some help now, at least so the multiverse jumps can be less severe. Ms Bosco tells you that The Geek could help them with that until she is done with her new invention

-The Geek doesn’t seem happy about that, but she wants to impress the brilliant Ms Bosco, and also kind of feels like she should help the duo that just helped her win the science competition, so she agrees to help, at least for one day

-The Geek will need a couple of things so she can build a small stabilizer, that’s where a couple of puzzles also happen

-When you’re done, and Geek builds the stabilizer, the duo gets captured. Geek escapes in time!

-Sam and Max find themselves in one of Mack Salmon’s secret evil bases, they have to find a way to get out

-Max’s powers are starting to get more and more out of control. To help them escape, Geek uses the stabilizer to increase the chaos of Max’s powers instead of reducing them

-Now it’s not just Sam and Max who can change their dimension forms, it’s also the entire world around them. There is not a dimension limit, there is way more but they only last for one puzzle segment, for fun visuals and game mechanics

-You have to defeat Mack Salmon with all of these new dimensions. He also becomes stronger because of them though

-After you defeat him, Ms Bosco has the solution for the dimension jumps. Max is no longer a portal to other dimensions, but he still is in danger, and could put others in danger, since he is NOT supposed to be in this dimension

-Ms Bosco suggest going to the center of all lagamorphs (which ends up being the planet of lagamorphs from Plunge Through Space), to try to find a solution, that’s where the next episode is going to take place in!

[vtforpedro]

medical update

I've been trying to find the energy to write an update and you'd think being stuck on a reclining chair for the entire day that I'd be able to find some but NO! My body has simply said 'no energy' this month.

I've actually had so many appointments this month it's been criminal. I haven't had to move around this much in a long time and it hasn't been so great pain-wise. So, I think I was at 16 weeks when I made a brief update about seeing my neuro in person??

21 weeks this week. Y'all it's been five months of this lmao I'm going to try to summarize so I don't get lost in rambling immediately

-saw my neuro in person on august 18th -order for another fucking lumbar spine MRI -pain specialist and pain psychologist referral -ER visit on august 26th for neuro-unrelated shit finally lmao -pain specialist at 18 weeks -pain specialist ordered a compounded cream at an APOTHECARY just for meeeee, a tens machine, a prescription nsaid, steroid injections for my sacral area, aquatic therapy, a medical grade back brace, and a chiropractor but insurance doesn't cover that -EMG procedure as ordered 1.5-2 months ago -saw my OB for what I went to the ER for -got my back brace -follow up with my neuro's PA because we wasted 1 hr and 45 minutes yesterday trying to get my telehealth appt with my neuro to work but it didn't. their fault, but they said I couldn't see him until OCTOBER 25TH THEN huahguahghguah

So that leads to today lmao

Most of that has been this month u_u Tuesday was the last in-person appointment for the month and I could die happy. Soooo much pain.

Alright, so now let's go through what happened with all of this.

1. My neurologist is a discriminatory egotistical asshole who is one year out of residency. He will not give me the diagnosis he and I talked about me having 99% for sure but we needed to 'clinch it' (per their notes) with a lumbar puncture. Which we did. But then they destroyed me lmao. He heard I'm in the middle of applying for disability and walked back my diagnosis super quick and announced he was 'not an advocate for long-term disability' and that he's a 'positive person' while not asking what my goals for recovery were whatsoever.

Sorry that making $300,000 a year has clouded your judgment that a measly $850ish monthly payment can be life-changing for a little guy like me while I go through intense physical therapy and mental health therapy to deal with what Y O U R hospital did to me.

He also marked my chiari malformation as 'resolved' after that conversation. I had mentioned my neurosurgeon didn't think I had a "real" one and my neurologist disagreed. Let me stress this: HE DISAGREED. But then he marked it as resolved. The only way to resolve a chiari malformation is neurosurgery you absolute buffoon of a man. So now it's marked as resolved and not an ongoing issue for my disability judge to see. :)

Anyway. I could probably prove malpractice fifty times over with this place lol I'm going to talk to the office manager about switching to a different doctor but they're a 'teaching' hospital so not sure if I'll be able to. We'll see. I truly hate this man. The stuff he has pulled would take up days of my time explaining. Legit hatred is what I feel for this man lmao he is doing everything he can to be combative after what happened to me when instead he should have offered me the best care possible after their fuck up.

Lots of trauma to work through hoo boy! And it just gets worse every goddamn week, I swear.

Okay, the EMG. It was ordered because I am having nerve pain and have been since oh I don't know the first day. So this was my second EMG and it was a hellish experience, but guess what?

I have fucking nerve damage from the lumbar puncture. Specifically, the nerve that affects the lower lumbar back, down the butt, back of the leg, and into the calf. Sometimes into the foot, but not always.

Guess who has been telling them about the tingles I have every single day of my life on the backside from my lower back to my butt to my thigh to my calves. They've brushed me off continuously because it wasn't in my feet. Turns out it doesn't HAVE TO BE.

N e ways. Guess what this specific nerve damage also causes?

'Excruciating pain with prolonged sitting.'

I've been asking since my headache went away (the severity of it dropped off at 10 days post LP) WHY I CAN'T SIT UP. I asked every single medical professional I talked to at this place for months. Why. Can't. I. Sit. Up. Without. Excruciating. Pain.

My neuro's PA is a much nicer and way less combative military man :P and he said 'this is really fantastic to have because it supports everything you've been telling us and we can move forward'

Super glad it only took 4-5 months for you guys to take me seriously.

I now have to do physical therapy to recover from being bedbound for 5 months but also to help with the nerve damage. I JUST got a back brace on Tuesday.

On Tuesday, for the first time since April 29th, I was able to sit up and stand on my own. Tears. Literal tears. How fucked is that? But I can't even be happy. I'm so fucking angry that a medical grade back brace might've been helping from the beginning but it took seeing my neuro face to face with my mom at 16 weeks for him to believe us that this has ruined our lives.

It's ruining my rock-solid relationship with my mom.

She can barely work. She is our sole income.

I'm in excruciating pain so bad I have asked my mother to kill me, leave my apartment so I can kill myself, and to please be happy for me because I'll be out of pain.

This man's face as I cried and said those words was very 'oh shit she really meant everything she said the last 4 months.'

Infuriating. No other words. It's just infuriating.

2. My pain specialist rocks. I wanted to scream with relief when she listed everything she wanted to do. We can't do steroid injections because, less importantly, I have extreme trauma about needles in my back haha wonder where that came from, and, more importantly, I'm a leukemia patient and they lower the immune system.

I had labs done and my hematologist's appointment too. She's not happy with my labs because they jumped quite high, I'm not happy with them, and despite zero detectable leukemia cells……. she wants me to do a repeat bone marrow biopsy once my spine is recovered.

:)

If I have cancer floating around in there, I can't even treat it. At this point it would be watching it closely, making sure I don't get covid (the measures we take going to, during, and after appointments contribute heavily to my pain and exhaustion, but it's been 2 yrs of my life already), and honestly, hoping for the best.

More needles in my back yay.

Hopefully this is like… months down the line, so I'm trying not to worry too much about it right now.

3. I had to go to the ER because I thought I had appendicitis. I'm back on my med for the high pressure (my neuro says it's only possibly there yet would not give me this medication if he were not sure because it'd be dangerous but I digress) and it's a diuretic so I pee a lot. I can't get up on my own yet, so having a full bladder was pressing on the appendix area and idk it felt like someone stuck a hot poker/brand in my insides and it was. Unpleasant.

My WBC jumped, and the pain tests were all there, but everything came back clear. So. YAY FOR ME AGAIN. But the ER PA did say it could be scarring they can't see, so I wondered about endo. Looked it up and it spoke to me in the worst ways lmao so I saw my OB and we're gonna try a few conservative things while I go through everything else.

So, a mystery right now.

So goddamn tired y'all. There's more but I'll save it for later. It hasn't been gucci but my MH is not as horrid as it was before.

Love you all.

[eirian]

yknow what while im here and my thoughts are a-flowin im gonna ramble abt life for a minute, i’ll put it under a cut for ur convenience

so some of u who follow(ed) my twitter may have known that ive called with my biggest art inspo (and honestly mentor at this point) stephen silver on multiple occasions! i try to do it every few months or whenever smth big happens irt my career path and art

well over the past few calls hes helped me come to the conclusion that perhaps breaking into the animation industry as a character designer isnt quite for me, at least not right now.  this was after i had taken his advice and become a live caricature artist a couple times, one of which being at six flags, and that job took the life out of me after Two Days because of the amount of moving parts i had to keep up with (including time cards which was a lot of math) and i guess my ~autistic ass~ couldnt quite handle it.  so having that in mind he suggested that maybe i should rethink the animation industry bc its also a lot of work like that that i have to keep up with, yknow?

so having said all this, where im at currently is trying to make a career out of just being a commission artist online!  so far its worked out pretty well ^^ ive made rent every month since starting (thank you!) and while it can be stressful and draining especially near the time rent is due its also very fun and fulfilling and definitely way less stressful than an industry job would be.  so im pretty happy with where i am currently

the only issue is that the stress of making rent every month comes from how i kind of Barely make rent usually.  like, i’ll make enough to have about $30 over rent each month, give or take.  and that doesnt really feel good :( id like to treat myself every now and then and like..buy items.....and treat my fiance to dinner and gifts and such.  yknow, luxuries (and even fuckin essentials sometimes, thank god we’re on food stamps at least).  but thats really really hard to do u_u so im gonna try to do more this year to help with that, be it raising prices more or figuring out how to get my commission info to reach more people

anyway stephen also looked at villain + school and said he loved the character designs and could see it being a netflix cartoon bye im dead