#I’ll watch the new ep sometime this week so maybe things get better idk

[kirnet]

This is gonna be rambley but is it just me or are sw action scenes just laughably bad now? I haven’t seen the latest owk ep so I can’t comment but the chase scenes are just… meh. The fight with Vader… meh. The LEADUP to the Vader fight was fantastic and tense but the actual choreography was. Whack. (Which makes sense from obi wans pov he should be bad at it, but Vader should be chopping limbs off)

And it’s not just that but mando season 2 and bobf and the sequel trilogy. Like in my opinion the action scenes in the prequels were really good! Even the action scenes in the og trilogy, while obviously not as polished as what we can do now, hold a lot of emotional weight and entertainment value. But so much of the action in these new series that should be blowing us out of the water with the technology that they have is just. Meh.

[itsjusta]

May 8, 2021

woke up so late todaaay doe almost 11 naaa idk why i slept so long todaaay doeee but my head hurts gyapon pag mata huhu issa very lutaw ko now doeee aish ion like it gyd basta so dugay wake up uiieee and so lain gyd ginhawa so i took painkiller doe and timing nag cook mommy lauya issa murag na ulian2 ko sa sabaw doeee hehe help2 pd ko sa kitchen uy nang limpyo and hugas ko cos mom man cook sa lunch and food for dogs

after dat i went to my old room there ko tambay doeee gitiwas nako ang kdrama na ako gina watch cos last 3 eps nalang maaan and u knooow what when i finished it 2pm kapin issa ka cry ko diretso doeee huhu idkkk i was holding out the negative feelings doe and when i was not distracted na aish issa i couldnt help it na doe

anad naman ko sa emptiness and loneliness but it still hurts a lot doeee the pain doesnt go away everytime i cry even though for the past year i have cried so much

only me and the universe knows how much i’ve cried this year doe and days like today when i cry the hardest are the most painful doeee because i question myself and my decisions a lot and all i can do is cry and be strong for myself doeee because i know that all i have is myself gyd. i know a lot of people are around me but sometimes i feel like a burden doeee other people cannot know about what im feeling doe and i also feel like a burden to you :(

its been almost a year doeee but i feel like im only at 40% not even halfway thereeee and i feel the sadness and the pain the most at days like these doe. sometimes i would have days and even weeks where i would be able to go on without feeling it so much but then there are also weeks like this na ma feel nako everyday ang emptiness and ang pain doeee aishhh u know i try so hard to break the cycle but its like my body and my heart is making me feel it doeee 🥺 hayyy i just need to get through tough days like todayyy and continue to hope for a better tomorrow and i know puhon puhon idk when but i’ll also be happy doeee 🤗 aish idk if naa muabot sako life so dat i’ll be happy or maybe i’ll just be contented with my life gyd heheh i want to be happy on my own doe but idk issa i am someone gets so bored basta walay ka storya doe omggg dapat na nako change cos ion wanna uyab2 pa!!! 😤😤😤 i want to be happy and independent!

i want to go far away and isolate doe 🥺 i think i need a break from all of this doeee but so hard gyd to even go out of town gani hahah i think the world is telling me to endure all of this and just stay strong doe hahah aishhh puhon2 i will go away doe even if diri lang sa pinas hahah i wanna start a new life aish if pwede lang gyd issa what if i disappear kalit doe dont miss me okay ahha

after my crying session i got hungwy doee so i cooked pancakesss heheh then after dat naka nap ko doeee cos im so tayurd and da weather so bugnaaaw hehe when i woke up issa 5pm na doeee and bakod nako uyyy das when i lung ag and ordered milktea doeee hehhe i felt better na after ko naka nap and naka milktea thank u doeee issa milktea gyd my comfort food!! 🥺🥺 issa milktea and ramen our go-to food but no ramen man here uyyy eheh

i took da exam na dayooon and i got perpek cos its so sayon lang maaan hehe excited nako for my grades uyyy and also for yoursss heheh i hope we get good grades 🥺🥺 the rest of the night scroll2 lang ko everywhere and babath and prepare clothes for my short stayyy sa medina aish im so duha2 gyd doe to go early cos i think i will get bored and i get so anxious and scared gyd doeee if wala distractiond cos im so scared na all i will do is be sad and cry :((( aishhh issa thats what i feel everytime gyd doe and its so scary gyddd but idk uie i’ll just survive tomorrow i dont care if i will just cry there das fine hahah im trying my best to not be sad doeee but a lot of things make me sad and its so annoying hahah i cried again before i slept doe aishhh sometimes i feel like an idiot gyddd and i feel like im making the worse decisions and i think i am gyd doe hahah but das fineee im fine with where i am now even tho its sad hahah i will just enjoy everything while it lasts cos the day will come when we will grow apart because of the situation and i can’t be in ur life na hahha dont miss me huuuh hehe but u wont even notice that im gone doe aish just enjoy while im still here okaaay im also enjoying it even though i cry a lot ahhah

good nighttt amping have fun tommmm

[asiryn]

this post is going to be very rambly, so i apologize in advance. if you’re potentially interested in my liveblogs, and/or interested in hearing a bit about my current life and disability issues, tune in. if you aren’t, then....keep scrolling i guess XD

(if you just want the current liveblog schedule, scroll to the bottom)

[and this got predictably very long, so i’m gonna put it behind a cut for convenience] 

up to recently, my main liveblogs have been about the pokemon anime, with a few other shows, books, and especially video games sprinkled in here and there. essentially, waaaay back in yonder year of 2014, netflix added the first season of pokemon, the indigo league, to their site, and i, in a fit of nostalgia, made the veeery questionable decision to watch all of the pokemon anime---rewatching the stuff i hadn’t touched since i was kid, and then continuing on into the unknown, and watching all the seasons from gen 3 onward that i had missed due to dropping out of pokemon. i only really started actually making liveblog posts once i hit gen 3, then i stayed consistent-ish from then onward. (for the curious, i’m up to sun & moon, and i have 44 episodes left until i finish it (i’m not ready ;;;; ), and then netflix actually just dropped the first 12 episodes of the newest series, pokemon journeys, so....56 until i’ve caught up with the dub XD)

so, all of y’all who climbed aboard with those liveblogs are probably already aware of Who I Am, at least a little. (....this is making it sound like i’m Some Big Name in liveblogging, but i’m not really anything of the sort, just so we’re all on the same page XD) at least, in terms of the fact that i’m physically disabled, suffer from chronic pain, etc. but recently, i’ve joined two new fandoms, and i’ve begun liveblogging spop and my next life as a villainess. and my spop posts in particular are already becoming some of the most popular posts i’ve ever done (like wow, you guys). and i think part of that popularity is due to the fact that these are two pretty recent, pretty popular fandoms (tho i do also like to think that i do make good content XP). but the point is that quite a lot of new ppl are coming across me, and idk how much, if any, of you have taken the time to look at my bio or anything. so i guess....part of this post is just some ruminations, but also my way of letting you know more of what you’re getting into. 

so, for those who don’t know: hi, you can call me kiryn, i liveblog stuff sometimes, and i’m physically disabled. i suffer from intense, constant, chronic pain. it stems from a bone disease called HME, or hereditary multiple exostosis, if you’re curious (i have a severe case of it, joy of joys). the short version of what that means is that i have a lot of bone spurs everywhere on my body, and they....cause me a lot of pain. basically, i cannot do any kind of sustained activity without the already significant, never-ceasing pain that i feel cranking up to unbearable levels, and basically i’ll be rendered immobile. i do have pain meds that i take, and that very much help to take the edge off, and make it so that i can function at all (bc, believe fucking me, w/o them, i wouldn’t be able to achieve even the little i can do), but even with them, it only makes a dent in my pain levels, and again, sustained activity makes up that difference very quickly. 

now, the gist of this stuff i’ll mention from time to time, but....i don’t usually go into much detail about it (and this post is probably the most detailed i’ve been about my condition in years). bc, quite frankly, it’s depressing. (and seeing as i also already have clinical depression, that’s definitely not something that i need more of XD) i participate in fandoms for escapism, and bc i don’t really want to think about that crushing mountain of reality. i’ve had this condition since birth, and i’ve literally lived my entire life in constant pain, and i honestly have no fucking idea what it even feels like to be painless. and what’s even worse is that it’s a degenerative disease---essentially, the bone spurs are wearing down my joints, so....my entire condition will just keep worsening as i get older. (and no, surgery to remove the spurs isn’t really an option.) i’ll be 29 next month, and i can already tell you, i’ve been feeling that decline sharply. when i was a kid, i could still run. by the time i was a teenager, i couldn’t even do that anymore; the best i could manage was a jog. now....i don’t think i could even do that. 

i guess the main point in why i’m saying all this, is that for the last year especially, i’ve been dealing with the worst downward swing that i’ve had in years. in my late teens and early-mid 20s, i got into a pretty good rhythm, of knowing my body’s limits, how to budget spoons to accomplish things, etc. but now even that fragile equilibrium has been thrown out the window, and i’m currently struggling to learn the new limits and rhythm of this downward swing that is unfortunately now my reality. even before, i was pretty limited on what i could accomplish, but even that narrow window has shrunk even further. so basically, i’m in the testing zone still. and it’s a very slow process, bc once i exceed the limit, my body breaks down, and now it takes me even longer to recover. as an example, i used to know that i could wake up in the morning and get ready to leave the house in 20-30 mins. now? i need at least an hour, which involves me pushing through a wave of agony to be able to take my pain meds in the first place, and then wait for those meds to kick in and the pain to die down enough to move without feeling like i’m moving through a wall of spikes. (and that’s just the start of every day for me, and before even throwing in all of the other variables)

so, coming back to the liveblogs......obviously, that’s affected by all this too. if you’ve wondered why there’s been a gap between me finishing up spop s1 and starting s2....that’s why. partly, i didn’t expect how analysis-heavy i was going to get on spop; pokeani just doesn’t tend to be as consistently thematically deep, so those liveblogs took far less out of me than spop has, and pushing myself to finish 5 episodes in one day....well, it was too much. and the thing is, it’s obviously unhealthy for me to continually push myself to the point of total breakdown, so...that’s where learning my new limits comes in. so, these past few days, i’ve been thinking, and essentially trying to better figure out how to do liveblogs like this without pretty much killing myself in the process (bc i honestly do love making them....i mean, if i didn’t, then it really wouldn’t be worth the literal pain it takes to make them XD). and also there’s a component of managing my anxiety-brain, bc leaving things Unfinished stresses me out, and so when coming to terms with the fact that it’s going to take me awhile to finish one show....knowing that i’d be leaving others hanging....Doesn’t Help XD

so, here’s what i’ve got so far (and obvs, this is subject to much tweaking in the future XP)

currently, i’m watching 4 shows: pokeani, good omens, villainess, and spop. villainess rn is the least of my worries, bc 1 ep is coming out a week, so it’s not demanding a lot of my time. 

for the other 3, here’s the preliminary schedule i’ve sort of hashed out:

- pokeani sm103-106

- spop s2

- pokeani sm107-110

- spop s3 

- pokeani sm111-114

- spop s4

- pokeani sm115-118

- spop s5 

- pokeani sm119-122

- good omens

- pokeani sm123-126

- [catch up block] (i don’t have a good track record in keeping up with ongoing shows, so if i fall behind on villainess, this is where i can catch up)

- finish pokeani sun & moon [sm127-146] (the league starts on ep 128, so i’d rather not experience any big interruptions in the battles XD)

basically, i’ve given myself a limit of 4 pokeani eps in a single session (bc as stated, they don’t take as much out of me), and with spop, the most i’ll let myself watch in a row will be 3 eps (s2 will probably be broken up into a 3/2/2 block, s3 a 3/3 block, and s4&5 will be a 3/3/3/2/2 block).

now, keep in mind that i’m very deliberately making no guarantees about specific days, bc who even knows, but at the very least, scheduling and talking it all out like this will help me to better manage my spoons, and if you’ve actually read this far, then you’ll know the method in the madness and why i’m doing things this way. XD the vague goal is to get in a least 1 liveblog session a week (plus a bonus of the new villainess ep on saturdays)---at least for the shows. i’m still having to working out what i’m going to do about video games....maybe i should just go on a ‘once a week’ model for all my hobbies across the board XDD

in the next couple of days, i’ll be posting that in-depth look into all the ships of villainess (it started as me just pecking down a few thoughts while i was taking a social media break due to the Current Events, but now i’m at the point where i’m like, i’ve put too much effort into this to not post it, damn it XP), and then depending on spoons, i’ll try to start in on that schedule this week, so stay tuned for some pokeani! (again....i’ll try to hit at least 1 liveblog a week before i start trying to get more ambitious XDD)

in any case, if you have stuck through to the end, thank you very much. your support means a lot to me 💖

[hanalwayssolo]

This Sunday Currently, vol. 15

First TSC of 2020, who would’ve thunk.

Reading

Right now, I’m reading Raphael Bob-Waksberg’s Someone Who Will Love You In All Your Damaged Glory. So far, this is my fourth book for the month and ninth overall for the year, which is to say I am thriving quite nicely in the reading department. I have to say, I’ve never had such a good reading streak in a long time because all of these books I’ve spent reading these last couple of months have left such a strong impression on me, and without giving away too much, here are some reasons why I loved all of them:

1. N.K. Jemisin’s The Broken Earth trilogy — Absolutely well-written, impressive worldbuilding and character development. The attention to detail that Jemisin gave in creating this world of the Stillness and the elements of orogeny is so, so good. Also, I really appreciate the way she established the relationships of her female characters that even though they had their differences and an almost cutthroat dynamic (like with Essun and Ykka, or with Essun and Tonkee), there is still that sense of solidarity present between these women, that they didn’t really seek out to upstage the other despite them being exceptionally skilled in their fields of expertise, but instead they worked together and acknowledged each other’s strengths, which I very much dig a lot. 

2. Gail Honeyman’s Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine — The story follows Eleanor Oliphant, an eccentric, friendless 29-year-old working in a boring day job who meets this kind-hearted IT guy named Raymond. At first, I thought it was another romance novel but I just loved how it has completely thrown me off because it mainly revolves around Eleanor’s growth and her friendship with Raymond, and how this eventually helps her to open up to other people—which is, like, this is the kind of story that is so hard to come across because it focuses on platonic relationships and how that is so important, too. And like? That’s my fucking jam?

3. Jenny Slate’s Little Weirds — Jenny Slate captures the entire experience of loneliness and heartbreak and love in her own whimsical way and crafts this beautifully written collection of stories and essays that I was emotionally wrecked after reading all of it.

4. André Aciman’s Find Me — My god. Aciman chronicles love and longing with such visceral and detailed prowess. Reading the stories of Sami, Elio, and Oliver in this sequel fucking murdered me. And that’s putting it mildly.

5. Mary Oliver’s Thirst — This is the kind of poetry collection that after reading it, I felt compelled to move to the countryside and live in the forest. 

Also, my favourite has got to be The Uses of Sorrow, in which Mary says: “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness / It took me years to understand that this, too was a gift.” 

6. Sally Rooney’s Normal People — There is a certain kind of sadness that follows the story of Connell and Marianne, and one thing I really liked about this is how Rooney managed to capture the complexities of on and off relationships with such forensic attentiveness. And it’s so nice to read the story alternating in Connell’s and Marianne’s POVs, too, so one gets to understand what goes on in their heads.

Writing

Because I’ve been busily reading and watching films these days and MMA training most weeknights after work, I haven’t been writing much, except maybe for adding little notes and dialogues and carving the structure for A Burden We Share. Honestly, I don’t even know if I’ll ever get to write it considering how I’ve ultimately decided not to continue updating Laws of Motion. And I’m not even in the least sorry about it. I’m struggling in a very weird writing limbo (despite managing to put this out lmao) and maybe because the interest has petered out, or the fact that I’m an exhausted reader/spectator of my own stuff, or I am an exhausted mother of many different OCs and they all demand 1000000% of my care and devotion like the needy children that they are and they want me to talk about them all the fucking time, which I find so difficult to do at times despite the kind and generous asks, because talking about them makes me feel so selfish and self-absorbed sometimes like I’m imposing a lot like no one really likes to hear about them so shut up self, don’t you have anything better to talk about sis? and maybe this is my anxiety screaming and also demanding my attention, so idk. So maybe it’s all three, I guess.

Anyway. Basically, I’m sort of gliding through this break (is it still a break when you’re not planning to write at all?) or whatever this is called because for now, I have no plans on posting anything new anytime soon. 

Watching

I watched Jojo Rabbit and Parasite last month but then watched it again yesterday because a friend gave me a copy. Parasite easily became one of my favourite movies ever because it’s such a fucking masterpiece and it left me thinking about a lot of things after watching it. 

Also, rewatching some of my favourite sad, tearjerker movies is what I’ve been doing these days, like Beautiful Boy, The Lovely Bones, and Lion, all of which never fails to make me cry like a baby.

Listening

A lot of new music, thank fuck! My constant work companions these days are Halsey’s Manic, Mura Masa’s R.Y.C., Bombay Bicycle Club’s Everything Else Has Gone Wrong, Hayley William’s Petals for Armor EP. And, well, I still listen to Hozier from time to time. As a treat.

Smelling

Monday dread, as always. 

Feeling

Equal parts excited and nervous, forcing myself to let this positive feeling tide over the frustration of my writing dilemma. I’m leaving for a camping trip in two weeks, and then off to Sydney and Auckland in April, and while I’m looking forward to getting out of the city, the entire planning part is what drives me nuts. And with everyone still on alert because of N-COV, our airports are a mess and thinking about the stress of it all makes me so anxious I just want to stay at home instead.

Hoping/Wishing/Needing/Wanting

I love writing, I seriously do, so I want my writing motivation back. I’ve been giving it to myself on my own, and I think I might have misplaced it somewhere. 

The Sunday Currently was originally from SiddaThornton.

[piratekenway]

idk if you're still doing that ask meme but the last week has been WILD and I just found it, so: Caleb/Molly, for "things you said by the fire"? Maybe in the WS AU?

set in this AU, in some nebulous time post-fic. no spoilers for the fic, other than “yeah Molly’s talking again”! spoilers for ep 28 re: Taliesin’s new character Clay, but Clay doesn’t play a huge role in the story.

title from Sleeping at Last’s “Smell”.

title: remembering the ashes before they burn

–

For a long time, there’s no noise in the night besides the campfire crackling, the crickets chirping, and the people around them snoring. The firbolg cleric snores the worst, apparently, the new one that joined up a couple of days ago. The not-new one, Clay.

Seven months torn out from Molly’s grasp, and he’s only now relearning his place in the group. Things have shifted and changed around him, and he’s trying to keep up, but sometimes—

He’d frozen, like an idiot, during the fight today.

They’d been crammed into an abandoned, dark, dreary dungeon, fighting some shambling undead in return for some coin, and he’d frozen when one of the doors slammed closed on one of those fuckers. The sound had crashed into his head (the door slams closed and he’s alone and it’s too dark and he can’t hear anything can’t see anything let him out let him out please let him out—) and he’d checked out, long enough for an undead guard to slash out with awful claws and catch his arm.

His arm’s fine now, Clay had grabbed him and healed him up. Hell, he’d even offered Molly some leftover tea before Molly took over his watch, and Molly kind of marvels at how they’ve finally managed to pick up someone who actually likes healing, honestly.

Still.

He should be better at this. He’s all better, all fixed, no one in his head but Mollymauk Tealeaf, member of the Mighty Nein, former carnie, “the most precocious fucking toddler,” as Beau said.

He takes a sip of his tea. It’s really good tea.

“You’re going to finish that?” says Caleb.

Molly glances over, to see Caleb taking a seat beside him. “Hey, Caleb,” he says. “Haven’t you earned your beauty sleep?”

“I did sleep,” says Caleb. “I just woke up. Again, are you going to finish that?”

“Not really,” says Molly, and he relinquishes the remaining tea with only a little bit of regret. “You should go back to sleep. I’ll be back as soon as my watch is up, if you missed me so much.”

Caleb sips at the tea, hums contentedly. “No, my watch is up next anyway,” he says. “I may as well stay up with you.” Another sip, and the campfire keeps crackling away. Molly watches the sparks going up, the smoke rising in dark curls into the night sky, and lets himself lean a little against Caleb.

The silence stretches on.

Then Caleb says, “Are you all right now?”

Molly swallows. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” he says. “I was just surprised, that’s all. That was a lot more undead than I was expecting, honestly.” And it had been, that’s not false. They’d made it through, though, with no one going unconscious except for Fjord, who Jester revived like ten seconds later anyway. “And—well. That. That thing, earlier.”

“That thing,” Caleb agrees. “Mollymauk?”

Molly’s hands shake. They never used to shake like this, he thinks distantly, but then there’s a lot of things he didn’t do before that he’s doing now. What had Yasha said? This kind of thing leaves marks, and she hadn’t just been talking about the jagged scars on Molly’s skin.

Beau had caught him before he fell to his knees, smacked his shoulder and told him don’t you pull a Caleb on me, Molly. He hadn’t asked how she’d known.

Caleb hadn’t said anything, but had taken Molly’s hand and squeezed after the fight was over, and that had calmed Molly’s rabbit of a heart for a little while.

He clasps his hands together on top of his knee and stares into the fire. Open skies, open air, good company, he should be okay. But his hands shake, and sometimes the fear closes up his throat the way the geas did, and there are marks that won’t leave no matter how much Molly tries to scrub them out of his head, with drugs or adrenaline or anything.

“Is there ever any getting over this?” he says, at last.

“If there is, I’ll let you know,” says Caleb, fiddling with the bandages on his hands. “But—I have found that it helps, to have people. And a cat. And a goal.”

Molly doesn’t have a goal, other than keep my friends safe and not dead. It’s a pretty good one, though. He wonders what kind of goal Caleb has, what’s driving him forward, and decides he’d rather not ask.

“Good start,” he says.

“Speaking of cats,” says Caleb, and he snaps his fingers. Frumpkin appears in Molly’s lap in a cloud of smoke and glitter that Molly’s certain is just for him, meows irritably and drops a dead leaf in his mouth. Clearly, he’d been doing far more important things, and Molly laughs a little.

“You’re adorable,” he says, petting Frumpkin. “Hey, Caleb?”

“Ja?”

He leans over to give him a peck on the cheek, just as Caleb turns to ask, and instead of pecking him on the cheek, Molly ends up pressing his lips against Caleb’s. They’re chapped, and taste like licorice root.

Caleb doesn’t actually freeze, but kisses back, soft and quiet. Probably, what, eight, nine months ago, Molly would’ve leaned in then, climbed into his lap, slipped his hand into Caleb’s hair and kissed the ever-loving daylights out of him. But there’s a lot of damage between them now, and Molly’s still figuring out where he fits now. Where this thing between them fits. He doesn’t want to risk breaking it, so fragile and new.

He pulls away. Caleb follows.

“Is this,” Caleb starts, brushing the hair out of Molly’s face. He really should get Yasha to cut it, one of these days, but Jester loves braiding it so much.

“Yes,” says Molly, and Caleb leans in to kiss him again.

And for a long time, there’s no sound but the crackle of the fire.

[boy-banders-writings]

To Protect You - Hui

Group: Pentagon Member: Hwitaek aka Leader Hui aka cute little shit Genre: Bodyguard!AU; Idol!Reader, Bodyguard!Hwitaek; think of Hui as Ji Changwook in the K2; female!reader (I try to keep these gender neutral but for the purpose of this it’ll be female pronouns used) #slowburn #tension #Igotfrustratedwritingthis Request: Hell yea it was! Is it only me or this world needs a Hui - Bodyguard scenario? 😅❤ Length: short|medium|long|idk man (8966 words, wow) A/N: Listen this came to me just after posting Shameless and let me tell you, it got me feeling some type of way. My mind was going crazy with ideas but I hadn’t slept yet so here we are now. The magazine name is made up as well as any agency name or proper name to places aside from actual locations.

A/N part 2: If there is enough requests for a part 2 ( like more than 1) I may turn this into a mini series.

-----------

As a rookie soloist idol, life for you was hectic. You had started out posting covers, both singing and dancing, on youtube and instagram garnering quite a following before a small company found you and offered to sign and debut you. After talking it over with your parents, and reading the contract forwards and backwards you signed and got to work. Eight months later you debuted as a soloist and you were so well accepted your fame skyrocketed.

It didn’t take long before sponsorship deals were tripping over the other to get you to sign them. Your company got calls about appearing on various popular variety shows and guest staring on radio programs and everything you ever dreamed of was happening before you. You hadn’t expected any of this to happen, yet the public welcomed your warm and down-to-earth personality with open arms.

By the end of your debut promotion your company went about hiring a personal body guard for you, someone that would escort you nearly everywhere because with your surge of fame came netizens, came the “fans” that took things way too far.

Your manager met your chosen body guard before you as you were busy working on the next few songs for your EP that was the current goal for you. An EP with your debut song and others you will write yourself. You were sitting in the small studio with the company producer chatting about the sound for the EP when your manager waltzed in.

“(Y/N), I have someone for you to meet if you have a moment.”

“Sure, thanks Mr. Jo.” You nodded towards the producer, “Let’s go with what we’ve got and I’d love to hear what you’ve come up with by the end of the week!”

“Of course, you’ve given me a lot of ideas, I’ll see you Friday for our next studio day.”

“Thank you.” You bow, gather your things, and follow your manager out of the studio to leave the producer to do his thing.

“You know the company has decided to hire someone to help protect you, they’ve picked someone.” Your manager explains as he’s gesturing around him. “Not that I can’t do that myself, but everyone would feel better if you had a trained bodyguard to escort you to and from your schedules with me.” 

You nod along secretly thankful the company has made this move because you had been thinking about it recently. As you were about to ask a question your manager stopped outside of your designated, small practice room. 

Your immediately met with a young man, at least your age maybe a bit older. He was smaller in build but still looked rather menacing. He was in a tailored black suit with a white button up under it and a skinny black tie that disappears beneath the buttoned blazer. His hair was fading from a dark blue to a medium-light grey and from the distance you could see a single piercing in each ear.

Your manager briskly walked over to the stranger and greeted him excitedly. You waited for the introduction, not knowing how to really act towards this person yet.

“(Y/N), this is Lee Hwitaek he has been hired to be your personal body guard. He will go to all your schedules with you, whether I’m there or not, and will take care of you.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Miss (Y/N).” He bowed deeply which threw you into a bit of a panic at the sudden formal treatment. Your entire team had gotten comfortable with you over your time with the company so formalities weren’t really an everyday thing.

“Uh, yes hello. It’s a pleasure to meet you as well.” You return the bow and stick your hand out to shake his.

He returns the gesture and then your manager launches into the schedule you have for the next few days. He hands you a copy of your schedule and then another copy to Hwitaek. There was a fansign first thing tomorrow in Incheon, Hwitaek’s first exposure to your fanbase. Which in reality was 90 percent good, with that small 10 percent of sketchy “fans” who can be a bit extreme. From the fansign, you were to get a quick bite to eat, then straight back to the studio to work on a possible new track’s choreography. Then there was a shooting for an advertisement for a new ice cream brand you really enjoyed, which was super exciting.

Thursday’s schedule was a photo shoot with an up and coming young model named Ko Shinwon in Mokpo for PrettyPretty Magazine, a popular magazine that does stories on rising young stars. You had a few hours scheduled for more practice and the last schedule for Thursday was meeting your partner for a special stage you had been contacted about with a young and famous choreographer named Kang Hyunggu who has gotten his start much like you.

After covering all this in great detail with a timeline and everything, your manager excused himself to go to a meeting leaving you and your new bodyguard alone.

“I want to thank you in advance for tomorrow.” You broke the silence first. “My fans are wonderful, they spoil me with all their love and gifts but some can be a little intrusive. After the last scare I’m thankful the company has found someone to be watchful.”

“What kinds of things have happened before?” His tone was professional but curious.

“A few male fans have sometimes acted kind of aggressively when I sign albums and talk to them, like saying rather inappropriate things.” You shifted a bit uncomfortable in your chair. “The main reason you were hired is because a week ago just before my promotions were done two people snuck back stage and broke into the dressing room I had been assigned to. They tried to steal things from myself and the staff with me. They were caught when my stylist came to get me and found them just standing over me.” You shivered, the fear of what they could have done making your stomach churn.

“I see, I hope to stop that from happening Miss (Y/N).” Hwitaek was very professional as he spoke.

“Uh, please just call me (Y/N).” Everyone on your team referred to you as such, you didn’t want Hwitaek to feel pressured to address you so formally.

“Yes ma’am.” He nodded.

“Do you prefer Hwitaek? You’re apart of the team now and I prefer everyone to be comfortable since we’ll all be working together.”

“I go by Hui as well, that’s how most people refer to me.”

“Okay, I look forward to working with you Hui.” You smiled, moving to answer your ringing phone you missed the slightest quirk of his lips. “Hello? Yes we are. Ah okay, I’ll ask him. Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Your managed hung up the call and you turned to Hui. “Manager Kim wanted to know if you could get me home tonight because the meeting is going to run rather late.”

“Of course, c’mon.”

After packing up your things you followed Hui out to a familiar company van you often travelled in and Hui drove you to your apartment. The conversation in between giving directions was sparse and very general. After thanking him you walked towards your apartment and waved to him after getting to your building. He waited until you were inside your building and you had sent a text saying you were in your apartment before leaving. You sluggishly got ready for bed and fell asleep almost as soon as your head hit your pillow.

---

You had no idea how alert Hui could be at five in the morning but you were thankful he had picked you up with a coffee for you, your favorite drink. You tossed your backpack into the single seat just beside yours as you slid the side door shut.

“Good morning, Manager Kim sent me as he is already on his way to the salon to meet us there.”

You hummed to response, the cup warming your hands as you muttered a quick thank you.

“Go ahead and rest more if you need to.” You opened an eye to see Hui glancing at you before he put the van in gear and started towards the salon.

An hour and a half later you were all made up and in your chosen outfit for the fansign. Manager Kim was in the driver’s seat and Hui was in the pasenger’s seat. Things were relatively comfortable as conversation between the three of you flowed easily. Manager Kim was a talker and Hui seemed to pick up on it and he easily fell into a good give and take. You mainly listened, thankful Manager Kim had someone else to keep him company on the drive. You learned that Hui was only a few years older than you and he had gone into an academy where he trained to become a body guard right out of high school. It wasn’t his first choice of a career but he enjoyed it. He told Manager Kim that his favorite part of the job was that he might not be that intimidating being on the smaller side, but people who pressed an issue learned quickly he was not to be messed with.

That amused you to think that people could see Hui in his fitted suit and intimidating presence and think he means anything but business. Yes he was shorter and smaller in build than probably half your male fanbase, Manager Kim too, but even so, he seemed like he knew what he was doing. You felt safe in his presence even if nothing has happened yet.

As Manager Kim parked outside of the venue for the fansign Hui jumped out and opened your door for you. He took up a protective lead as you jumped out with your bag at hand. There wasn’t a lot of people outside yet seeing as the fansign was a few hours away but there was enough for a crowd to gather. As people started to take notice of you when your manager drove off Hui turned towards you.

“Would you like to go straight inside or take a few minutes out here?”

“There aren’t too many waiting, a few minutes with them. Just until Manager Kim gets here.” Hui nodded and lead you towards the gathering crowd.

“If you would like to see (Y/N) before we go inside the venue, you need to be calm and orderly.” His voice was strong and commanding.

You watched as the twenty or so waiting fans quickly did as Hui said, they lined up and waited rather quietly as you greeted each other of them. Thanking them, taking a photo if their phones were ready, and telling them you looked forward to seeing them inside. Reminding them to make sure they had something to eat, and that they stay warm as it was chilly that morning. There was only four people left as Manager Kim started making his way towards you, Hui was a step to the side every moment you were meeting fans. You quickly thanked the last four, snapping super quick selfies before Manager Kim motioned to follow him inside. The male fan at the end of the line went to grab your wrist to stop you mumbling about a blurry picture, but you never felt the contact because Hui stopped his mid-reach and told the fan he should be thankful he has a picture at all. Hui guided you by a hand on your lower back towards the venue behind Manager Kim, keeping an eye of those around you and making sure no other fans made a grab for you.

---

Before the fansign began, Hui took up his place behind you. He was more of a watchful eye, whereas Manager Kim was there to keep your table free of clutter. As it began, you talked into the microphone given to you. Thanking everyone for spending their Wednesday here with you and saying how you were looking forward to getting to meet everyone. After you finished speaking, your debut song started playing over the speakers and you got situated behind the small table. 

Then your fans started to line up and greet you. You answered all kinds of questions ranging from how you were feeling to what artist you would want to collaborate with to what your favorite snack was. You were gifted with a few flower crowns all of which you wore until the next one, you had stickers places on your hands and shirt and a few on your cheeks. You had little wrapped gifts given to you by bashful fans. You made it a point to fawn over your fans as much as they did to you because they were why you where were you are. You made sure to hold their hands as your signed their albums if they wanted you to and answered any post-it note questions. You giggled with them and did your best aegyo when they asked. 

It was fun for you, a little exhausting but fun. There was a pause as a fan was lugging something onto the stage and Hui handed you a chilled bottle of water with a smile.

“I can see why your fans love you so much, you’re very good with them.”

“Thanks.” You stuttered, “I wouldn’t be here without them.” He nodded, seemingly happy with the answer and nodded towards the fan who had made it to the table.

“(Y/N)-noona! I got this for you!” The younger fan thrust a rather large teddy bear towards you. “I saw your comment about always wanting one in a radio interview recently. So a handful of fans and I chipped in to get you one.” Then he handed you an envelop. “This is a list of all the people who contributed and their twitter handles.”

“Oh, thank you so much!” You pulled the bear towards you and admired the large bear. “I’ll be sure to tweet a big thank you after the fansign, thank you so much.” Hui stepped forward and set the bear behind you as you continued talking to the fan as the young man told you his name.

The fansign continued without any trouble till the fan who tried to grab you before got to the stage. He seemed calm as he approached you and he placed his album on the table. You got his name and signed it. As you handed it back to him he place his hands over yours on the album and leant towards you.

“You’re so pretty up close. If I had a girlfriend as pretty as you I’d never let you leave the house.”

The comment made your skin crawl. Hui noticed you start leaning away from the fan and immediately recognized the guy. Hui stepped forward and removed the album from both you before handing it to the fan.

“Please keep the line moving.” Hui glared back at the fan who stared him down but listened nonetheless. “Are you alright?” You nodded and after a moment he stepped back to his place.

The fansign ended without any other minor problem. You thanked everyone again, preformed your debut song and did a cover of your favorite Hyuna song, who all your fans new was your girl crush, and wished everyone safe travels home. Before you could catch your breath you were ushered towards the company van and the drive back to the company began. 

---

Hui sat in the back corner of the dance room going over security plans for the shoot later that day. He was on and off the phone with various people making sure things were secure. In between the choreographer teaching you new moves and going over them you frequently caught Hui’s eyes in the mirror. You’d had plenty of people sitting in the room as you practice but catching him watching you made your face flush as your entire body grew warm. You became keenly aware of just how sensual some of the choreo could be and felt out of place dancing like that in front of Hui. Once your choreographer picked up on your hesitation she thumped you in the forehead to get you to focus again. After a few more go overs of moves you were messing up on she made you do the choreography once more to the song from beginning to end to finish practice. As the song ended and you struck the ending pose, chest heaving from the exertion, your choreographer was clapping and cheering.

“You’ve done well today (Y/N)! Don’t forget to keep practicing so you don’t forget the choreo okay? What do you think bodyguard? She’s pretty great right?” Your choreographer turned toward Hui, who you notice had been watching.

“With all the hard work she puts in,” Hui started to answer your choreographer directly, “it’s no wonder she’s a rising idol.” Then he turned towards you, a small smile present. “You did good today.”

You nodded in quiet thanks trying to keep your face as indifferent as possible. Your choreographer thanked you for your time, which you copied, and then she packed her things and with a ‘see you tomorrow’ she left. You were alone with Hui again. 

“You’ve got about half an hour before we’ve got to head towards the CF shooting.” He pulled a water from out of nowhere and tossed it to you. “If there is anything you’d like between now and then let me know I’ll get it.”

“Thank you but I’ve got snacks in my bag.” You walked over to your backpack and pulled out a smaller bag to show him. “Would you like something?”

His facade gave way to a smirk as he nodded.

“I’d like that, thank you.”

“Corn chips or spicy chicken chips?” You help the two mini bags of chips up.

“Which do you want?” You held up the spicy chicken chips. “Then I’ll take the corn chips.” You toss the corn chips that he catches with ease.

You sit on the floor with your legs crossed and rip open the bag to start eating. Hui watches you a moment and notes how you smile about the food for a moment, before he follows suit and eats his corn chips.

Your manager joined the two of you about twenty minutes later walking in on a conversation about the latest comeback by one of your personal favorite groups.

“C’mon A.C.E’s comeback was amazing! They’re dancing is incredible.” You gushed, having sluggishly moved to gather your things.

“They’ve always been really talented, nice guys too.” Hui commented nonchalantly, laughing when you froze in place.

“You’ve met them!?” He nodded, “Okay, I want to hear everything! I’ve been following before they debuted! I even saw them busking once!” 

“You’re fangirling is cute.” He pulled you to your feet, the comment came from under his breath. 

“C’mon kids, off to the CF shoot!” Manager Kim called at the doorway, eyes on his phone and van keys in his hands.

Hui walks after you as you follow your manager. The drive to your CF is a little more friendly and warm as you invited Hui to sit beside you in the middle. Manager Kim encouraged it after you asked because he needed to make some calls and put in his bluetooth ear piece and went into a conversation the whole drive.

You and Hui fell into a conversation just about yourselves, trading facts and little stories that some to mind. As you arrive at the shoot, you’re quickly whisked away to get made up, hair, makeup, and outfit change, before being brought onto a bright and cheery set. There was a summer scene set up at an old school ice cream parlor and a slightly older male positioned behind the counter playing the worker. You were put into a cutesy summer outfit with dewy make up and little buns on your head. The CF shoot went by without much trouble, the script was short and sweet and you got to eat your favorite ice cream repeatedly. Within about 4 hours the main CF has been shot, with a few extras for various other CFs to be pieced together. It’s roughly 10 pm when you practically crawled back into the van exhausted from the day’s schedule.

“Sleep, I’ll wake you up when we get to your building.” Hui’s voice is soft as he buckles in your already dozing form.

---

“Alright, careful now.” You heard a quiet voice muttering as you slowly came to consciousness. “I’ll take her up and be back down shortly.”

You were pressed against something warm, your head cradled, and the movement slow and precise. There’s a soft humming near your ear and a strong hold under your legs and around your lower back.

A familiar voice is mumbling the code to your apartment building as your body is shifted to type it in. Then the quiet of the entrance way engulfs you as Hui is ascending up the stairs towards your apartment.

“What are you doing?” Your voice is rough.

“Taking you to your apartment.” He answered coolly, focusing on the numbers.

“You could have woken me up.” You rubbed your eyes.

“You don’t get much sleep, it’s fine.”

“I’d have woken up when you dropped me off anyway.” 

“Probably.” You noticed a smirk curve at his lips. “You’ve got to get up early tomorrow too, I’ll be here around the same time again.”

Hui twisted his body to slip the key your manager had for emergencies into the lock and open your door. After a few moments of looking around your small apartment he sat you down just beside your couch, your feet hitting the ground first. He made sure you were steady before his hands left you and he moved to his standard hands behind his back stance.

Your face and body flushed, the realization of just how close the two of you just were. You also moved into a more professional stance with your hands clasped infront of you as you looked up to Hui’s face.

“Thank you, I appreciate it. I’ll uhm, see you tomorrow.” Your cheeks flushed more from just how he was looking at you.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, sleep well (Y/N) and make sure you eat something too.”

Before Hui could second guess himself, he reached out and patted your head. Then he muttered a quiet good night and saw himself out of your apartment.

Thinking about what just transpired you took a quick shower and found yourself lying in bed thinking about the softness in Hui’s eyes when he was looking at you.

---

Your alarm was a harsh reminder that you had a day full of different schedules and you forced yourself of out bed and into passable clothes for the day. You were ready in twenty minutes and opted to eat when you remembered Hui’s words last night. A faint heat rose to your cheeks as you nibbled on a toasted bagel lathered in peanut butter. After a quick snack you finished packing anything you’d think you’d need throughout the day and were slipping on your shoes when there was a knock on the door.

“Good morning!” You beamed, the rush of energy from the food hitting you.

“You’re in a good mood this morning.” Hui mused, trying to keep his smile at bay, “I’m guessing you slept well?”

“That’s part of it, I was out not long after you had brought me up.” You paused, your cheeks flaring at the memory. “I just finished a small breakfast so this feeling is new.”

“You don’t eat breakfast everyday?” You shook your head. “When do you eat then?”

“Manager Kim usually stops at a convenience store on the way to my first schedule. Today’s schedule starts later than normal so I had some extra time to sleep and eat. I’d usually be at the salon by now getting prepped for the day.” You shrugged, “Because there will be a team provided at the shoot I get to take it easier today.” This was the life you had signed up for, the tough times would soon be outweighed by the good times.

“I see.” He opened the door and motioned for you to exit. “We best get on our way then.” You noticed how he looked distracted now, but you tried to push it to the back of your mind.

“Did you sleep well Hui?”

“I did. I even got up early to run a few miles and have a hearty breakfast.” He smiled down at you, you notice it didn’t reach his eyes like it usually did.

“You ran a few miles?” You gawked at Hui as the two of you made your way down to your building’s lobby.

“Yes, I run a few morning a week. It keeps me healthy. Why are you looking at me like that?” He laughed, the light had returned to his eyes.

“You get up, by choice, earlier than you have to to run a few times a week?”

“Is that hard to believe?”

“I guess it’s not, just the thought of waking up to run though. Never.” You scrunched your nose at him.

Hui watched the action, the way your cheeks pulled up causing your eyes to squint a bit. He had no idea why his heart rate picked up at the movement. He stared for a moment longer before moving his gaze to in front of him. Out of habit he moved to grab the handle of the door to open it for you when you went to do the same. You beat him and Hui hadn’t realized he was clasping your hand until both of you froze and stared at the other.

A few heartbeats passed and neither of you moved. Your hand was still holding the door handle and Hui’s larger hand was on top of yours, warm and tough. The sudden physical contact sent your heart into override and turned your tongue and throat into a desert. You swallowed trying to wet your throat, only to subtly wet your lips. You watched Hui watch you and the chill that traveled your body was indescribable. Without realizing it Hui mimicked your actions and you watched Hui’s tongue peek out to wet his lips. You were so focused on Hui’s warm hand and watching his face that you hadn’t realized what exactly was happening. Hui took a step closer to you and his free hand tentatively held your jaw. You started to lean up first and Hui, again, mimicked your actions. He moved just a bit and waited to see if you were going to close the space. You were going to, all rational thought about dating a coworker flying out the window, you were going to kiss Hui and you were going to relish in the feeling of his soft lips on yours and his hand holding your face. You moved forward more, his breathe from his slightly opened mouth hit your face. Your heart was beating even hard and you felt lightheaded from the sudden rush of adrenaline that your body produced in response to your nerves. You bumped his nose, yours lips had to be less than a centimeter away. The two of you were so close to crossing an invisible line.

Bzzt. Bzzt.

Both of you froze. Hui’s phone in his blazer pocket was going off. You immediately took a step back, much larger than a normal step, and looked away from Hui. He was just as winded as your were. His heart was beating so hard he was sure you could see the outline in his chest.

“Hello?” He answered his phone, sparing a glance your way and noticing how flushed your face was and the nervous glances you sent in his direction without looking at him directly. “Yes Manager Kim, we’re on our way out now. Uh, (Y/N) left something up in her apartment so we walked back up to get it. Yes sir, we’ll be out shortly.”

Hui cleared his throat as his put his phone away. He looked back at you just in time to see you quickly advert your attention to your phone.

“Manager Kim is waiting, but let’s give it a moment.”

You nodded without a word. Your body felt like it had an electric pulse going through it, you were hyper aware of everything at the moment. You heard Hui sigh before you saw him rub the back of his neck and he took a tiny step towards you.

“I’m sorry, I crossed a line just a moment ago.” Hui bowed with his hands behind his back, much more formal like he was the day you met.

While a lot of time hadn’t really passed since the two of you had met, he was with you almost every waking minute. Formalities were gone before lunch the first day. To see him revert back to it sent you into a strange panic.

“Hui, really, both of us crossed a line. Let’s just go about our days like normal.” You paused, “Nothing happened away, we didn’t do anything.” You couldn’t force yourself to say much more.

“If you say so, but still, I apologize.”

“I apologize as well.” You shot forward to bow as well. “Doesn’t feel right, huh?” You joked when Hui’s face scrunched up.

“You’re right. Back to normal?” You nodded. “Let’s go then, you have a photo shoot to get to.”

Hui opened the door for you, this time you waited, and the two of you walked out to the familiar company van you always rode in. You both greeted Manager Kim once you were seated and the drive began. You stayed quiet mostly because your mind was in a frenzy. What happened in the lobby replayed in your head the whole drive. Thankfully, the two men in the front kept up a pretty serious conversation about the latest soccer game seeing as they were for opposing teams. They were talking stats for players and plays made throughout the game, you were not one to watch soccer so it was easy to focus on the movie reel in your head. Even after Hui had turned around in his seat to tell you you’d arrived the movie was stuck on repeat.

---

The first half of the photoshoot was going extremely well. Ko Shinwon was nothing but a gentleman, who checked with you before doing anything the photographer told him. Every pose, every light touch, every moment spent staring into each other’s eyes or flirting for the camera, he made sure you were comfortable. In between changing the sets and outfits, you found yourself drawn to Shinwon. He reeked of such a confidence and brightness it was difficult to not gravitate towards him like you were a moth and him a bright light.

Of course, part of the schedule was set aside for an interview of you and Shinwon. So with the two of you dressed in the last outfit for the shoot, an writer for PrettyPretty Magazine sat down with you on set and filmed a short interview. Most of the questions were pretty standard, the interviewer asked about the plans both of you had with upcoming projects. Shinwon said he would be walking at a very high profile runway but he wasn’t allowed to reveal it himself. You teased about a mini album in the works and how you were working on your next single for sure. To which Shinwon showed a reaction you weren’t anticipating and that caused him to confess that he had been following you since your youtube cover days. That topic hadn’t come up when the two of you were casually chatting, so you were shocked to say the least. You were more embarrassed because that made you confess that you’d followed Shinwon for a while as well, back when he had started as an instagram model. The interview ate it up asking if the two of you had met before and proceeded to freak out even more when you revealed this was your first time.

She asked next about a friendship blooming.

“If Shinwon would like to be friends, I’m up for it. I haven’t had the chance to meet a lot of people since I debuted. I really only hangout with those around my company, my manager, and my bodyguard.” You explained, a smile naturally shining through.

“I would love to. I’m still pretty new to all of this and most of the other models I’ve worked with are really intimidating so I keep to myself.”

“Looks like I have a new friend!” You giggled, giving the camera a thumbs up.

“PrettyPretty Magazine facilitating friendship one pair of rising stars at a time.” The interviewer joked.

It continued on smoothly for the next half hour or so, you two played a few games and answered some questions fans had sent it. As it came to an end the interview suggested that for the ending you could talk about Shinwon’s upcoming projects and he could talk about yours. You took a minute or two to figure out what to say and did a cute ending with Shinwon fanboying and telling everyone to pay attention to you and your new music in the works while you struck a few poses and encouraged everyone to support Shinwon as he modeling career continued to grow. In the spur of the moment Shinwon threw his arm to make half a heart and without missing a beat you completed it and did your sign off after Shinwon did his.

The interviewer gushed about how professional you two are and how cute both of you were throughout the whole interview. After they had put away their equipment, they asked you and Shinwon for a picture for the magazine’s social media. You both posed with a pair of peace signs and thanked the interviewer and camera lady for being so kind as they left.

“Well that was fun.” Shinwon breathed as he sat back on the chair he’d just been sitting on.

“That was my first interview with someone else.” You smiled at him, “It’s more fun than doing one alone.”

“I’m so glad you got all my jokes.” Shinwon faked a pout. “The few models I’d done one with have never laughed! It’s such a mood killer.”

“Do they really scare you?” An eyebrow quirked at him.

Hui came around the corner to let you know it was almost time to leave but hearing you talking to Shinwon he froze. He pressed his back against the wall and listened in even though he knew he shouldn’t eavesdrop but it was too easy and he was too curious.

“Most of them don’t smile much on set, they speak with their eyes.” Shinwon rolled his. “It’s really unsettling when you’re with someone all day and they don’t crack a single smile, so yes. They’re terrifying.”

“I see, am I scary?” Hui perked up at your question, his chest tightened.

“Not in the slightest.” Shinwon chuckled. “The only thing scary about you is your talent, you’re practically a triple threat. That is terrifying.” He winked.

“Nice joke.” You rolled your eyes. “I’ve been out in the entertainment world for a few months, I’ve got much too learn before I’d consider myself even a double threat.”

“You’re working directly with a producer on your new music and writing your own stuff, right?” You nodded. “You’ve got a voice unlike any I’ve heard in a long time, I mean you debuted and everyone knew who you were less than a week later, right?” Again you nodded. “And now you can add part-time model to your list of jobs.” Shinwon motioned to the set and your coordinated outfits. “That sounds like a triple threat to me.”

“Man, I need you to give me pep talks all the time.”

“Let’s make it happen then.” Shinwon held his phone out to you. “Let’s keep in contact and I’ll be sure to make the pep talks really good.”

You couldn’t hold in your laughter, but you took his phone and put your contact info in. You sent a message to your phone, the ding letting you know it went through, before you handed it back to the guy before you.

“I’ll make sure I return the favor somehow. I look forward to this budding friendship.”

“I do too.” Shinwon’s smile lit up the room and he paused, before clearing his throat. “I’m a hugger so I was wondering if I could give you a hug… And maybe we could take a picture so I have proof this happened.”

“Yes you can,” You giggled as Shinwon pulled you into a friendly hug, “you do know that once those pictures get printed in the magazine everyone who reads PrettyPretty will know we were together.”

“I know, but it’s different than having one on my phone.”

“Let’s do it then.”

Hui chose now to pop around the corner because if he didn’t his heart was going to explode and he might knock Shinwon unconscious.

“Ah! Hui can you take a pictures of us on each of our phones!”

“I can just send you the ones we take.”

“I know, but it’s different than having one on my phone.” You teased, Shinwon’s face screwing up in mock anguish at your teasing.

“Sure, hand them over.” Hui tried to remain professional because he didn’t know how to describe what he was feeling but it made his nauseous.

Hui took a few photos on each phone before relaying his original message to you. Shinwon bid you farewell because his manager had sent him a message. The two of you promised to keep in contact before Hui whisked you towards the dressing room for you to change back into your own clothes. Soon you were packing your things back up, thanking the crew for taking such good care of you, and Hui was escorting you to the van to go back to the studio.

The drive back was quieter than before, Hui was on the phone discussing security and the schedule for when you were meeting Kang Hyunggu later to start learning choreography for a special stage next month. Manager Kim stopped on the way back to get a late lunch. You noticed that Hui had grabbed a few extra snacks, all your favorite, and made sure they were in your bag before digging into his food. Every time you tried to catch his eyes, he looked away instantly.

---

You were halfway through your dance practice for your new song when you locked eyes with Hui in the mirror. You had just sat down to take a break after running through the routine for the fifth time, you looked up and your eyes were just drawn to him. He was sitting in the back corner where his blazer was thrown over a nearby chair, the sleeves of his button up were rolled to his elbows, and the skinny black tie he always wore was slack around his neck. The moment was so intense for you, you glanced at the water bottle in your hand before looking back up at his reflection. Hui was still watching you.

He had yet to tell you that he had been a fan for about a year now, a friend had sent one of your covers for him to watch just months before you were signed. It’s how he knew your favorite snacks, what your preferred caffeinated drink was, it’s why he started this job with so much respect for you. It’s because he saw you when you were just some girl on youtube and now you were an idol. He wrote off his overprotective feelings towards you as a mix of just what your character brought out of him and the fact that it was his job to protect you. Even so, he wasn’t able to decipher while his body and mind reacted the way they did when you were talking to Shinwon. He had done a background check on Shinwon last night, Hui had felt completely comfortable with trusting Shinwon to not hurt you. Yet when Hui watched the two of you during the photo shoot with how close you were to Shinwon and how you were always touching him in some way, it made Hui seethe. With his training he could have easily walked over to Shinwon, thrown him over his shoulder knocking the breath out of him, and rendering him immobilized in seconds without hurting him. In Hui’s mind he did that, he also tugged you away and kept Shinwon from getting your number.

He was pulled out of his thoughts and his mostly mindless watching you when Manager Kim came to tell you it was almost time to meet Hyunggu. Hui watched silently as you thanked your choreographer again, she reminded you to practice and joked about keeping the choreos separate after starting the new one today. You said your goodbyes as you gathered your things again, not changing from your dance clothes and waiting for Hui to gather his things.

“Do you need anything?” He voiced handing you a cold bottle of water Manager Kim had dropped off moments before.

“No, I don’t think so. This schedule shouldn’t last too long, we’ll be done earlier than yesterday I can eat back at my apartment.” You waved him off as you chugged half the bottle of water.

“You should eat something, especially if you’ll be dancing again.” Hui pulled a cold cut sandwich from his bag and an apple. “It’s not much, but I stopped by the convenience store after running an errand because I figured you’d be hungry.”

“Thanks.” You reached out to take the food and once again one of Hui’s hands covered yours.

Time stopped for a moment, what had happened this morning replaying in both of your minds as the two of you just stared at the other. A warmth spread from his hands over yours to your chest than to the rest of your body. Hui felt a surge of electricity start from your hand and travel through his body. Neither of you moved, neither of you breathed. You thought you two were going to be stuck like that for eternity before the door opened and your choreographer walked in. You two bolted back you with the food in your hands. She mumbled something about her jacket as she eyed the two of you, a smirk adorning her lips. She bid her farewells again after getting her jacket and and left, the look she gave you before the door shut just told you she was going to give you hell the next time she saw you without Hui.

Time moved in double speed after the moment was ruined. You followed Hui out to the van and the drive to the studio to meet and practice with Kang Hyunggu began and ended. You hadn’t even noticed you’d dozed off in the backseat when a scream jerked you awake.

“You’re okay, don’t worry.” Hui’s soothing words and hand on your knee melted the momentary fear. “It seems that the location was leaked, there shouldn’t be anyone here.”

You looked out the window and saw at least fifty people crowding the van and screaming, calling your name. You had never been more thankful for the blackout windows than now, no one could see in but you could see all of them.

“I’m going to try and do another loop, Hui call the head of security and see what they can do it help.”

“Yes sir.” Hui pulled his phone from his pocket and was deep in a conversation in moments.

You sat up in your seat and learned over by Manager Kim.

“Can we get out of here without hurting anyone?”

“That’s my goal.” Both of you seemed skeptical, but Manager Kim managed to get around the zealous crowd and went back around the block in a wide loop.

“Good driving Mr. K.” You praised, incredibly thankful this was over for the time being.

“Thanks kid.” He chuckled, sparing you a glance in the rearview mirror as you sat back in your seat.

“Okay.” Hui stole all the attention, “The security manager at the studio said they’d get the crowd apart to create a walkway in a few minutes. He suggested we just hang out for a few until he calls me back letting me know it’s all clear. He said he doesn’t know how the information about Hyunggu and (Y/N) both being there but he’s sure it was leaked and that caused the crowd. Thankfully, Hyunggu arrived before the crowd appeared so he’s safe inside.”

You pulled out your phone and checked Hyunggu’s social media pages, twitter first. You wanted to laugh no matter how stressed this made you when you saw the video and caption he had posted less than a minute ago.

“Yea, he posted a short video clip of our van getting mobbed before getting away.” You held it out for the two men up front to see as Manager Kim put the van in park three blocks away. “He captioned it ‘I love u guys but now my dance partner ran away. Come back (Y/N)!’ Is he even allowed to use dance partner and my name in the same sentence. I thought they hadn’t announced our collab yet.”

“I haven’t gotten a call that they did, they had teasers they wanted to film next week. Maybe someone slipped up? Who knows, let’s focus on you getting into the venue safely.”

“I’ll take care of that.” Hui’s tone was deeper, more serious. “Promise me something thought.” Hui turned in his seat to look you dead in the eyes.

That familiar chill ran through your body as you nodded, then mumbled a quiet okay.

“If something happens, don’t look at me any differently okay?”“Sure, of course.” You nodded, unsure of what that meant or foreshadowed.

Manager Kim decided to run in for some snack to the little corner store with a list you put together of stuff for the security team and Hyunggu as a thanks for waiting and helping. Just as Manager Kim got seated and handed the bags back to you Hui’s phone rang. A few moments later you guys were on your way back to the venue. You separated the snacks into the bags for each person, Mr. K’s in one bag, Hui’s in one, and you divided the snacks for Hyunggu and the staff between a third bag and your backpack. By the time you had finished and handed Hui his bag and Manager Kim’s, you were back at the venue. The screaming and yelling was louder as it seemed like the crowd doubled.

Your anxiety in situations like these was usually under control because security was tight and you knew you’d be okay. However the security was having a tough time keeping an area big enough for you to walk down and the crowd only seemed to get rowdier as Manager Kim stopped as close to the venue as he could. Your heart was in your throat as you looked at the sea of people, bobbing and weaving as if they were waves in the ocean.

“Stay behind me. Hold me hand if you need to but don’t go far from me.” Hui’s hand enveloping yours grounded you for a moment, before a blush took over.

“Okay, I won’t stray.” You could only nod as you took a few deep breaths to calm your racing heart.

“On three.” Hui counted down slowly, giving your hand a squeeze before taking the bags of snacks from you and getting ready to move. “Let’s go.”

Hui threw his door open and immediately opened yours next. You stepped out and cowered behind Hui as he shut both door after telling Manager Kim something. He rested his free hand against his lower back for you to hold, which you gratefully held onto. He exchanged a few quick words with the security manager who had met them at the van and helped lead you towards the front door. You waved and tried to smile telling everyone to get home safely, you didn’t have it in you to thank them for showing up.

You were three-fourths of the way there, just a few more feet. The crowd had calmed down a great deal, there wasn’t a lot of pushing but there was a lot of yelling and cameras out, your name was being screamed every second. You were huddled close to Hui, practically on his heels with the warm of his hand once again centering you. You could make out people just past the glass doors when there was a loud thump that was followed by screams. You whipped your head around in time to see a few males fans had knocked two security guards down and created a gap. Two- three people rushed through and were heading for you. The manager behind you easily stopped the first guy, but the other two got by while he was occupied. You were sure they didn’t mean any harm at least you hoped, but your body went into fight-or-flight mode. You didn’t have time to make a choice because Hui was in front of you by the time you blinked. Hui grabbed the first guy by the wrist and pivoted his to get a hold of the fan’s belt and threw the fan over his shoulder. The fan his the ground with a thud completely stunned. Then Hui zeroed in on the second rogue fan and was ready for every punch the guy threw. He block and avoided everything the fan threw at him. Hui managed to land a flat handed hit on the fan’s collarbone, then followed up by dropping to his knees and sweeping the fans legs.

You watched in awe as your bodyguard dropped two men bigger than him by 150% with minor damage in seconds as the security manager still struggled with the very first rogue fan. Hui grabbed your hand and quickly tugged you into the building before going back to the door to check on the situation. By that time the security team had gotten it under control and you noticed Manager Kim slipping past the chaos with so much as a second glance down the side of the crowd with a single security guard by his side.

After Hui was sure it was under control he turned towards you and checked you over. His hands started at your shoulders before running down your arms. He stopped at your hands and then just looked over your bottom half. No new scratches or bruises. He checked your face, turning it left and right, up and down just till he was satisfied that you were really okay.

“Thank you.” You mumbled, your heart in your throat.

“No problem, it’s what I’m here for, to protect you.” Hui let out a breathy laugh and released you to run his hand through his hair. “We’ll be sneaking you out the back, we’re not doing that again.”

“Okay.” You nodded, not in the mood to argue.You two caught your breath as Manager Kim sought out Kang Hyunggu and his manager to figure out what the plan way. You took a swig from your bottle of water and looked around the lobby. You looked over Hui who was off to the side watching the room but he locked eyes when he noticed you move. He gave you a tiny smirk before the moment was interrupt by your manager.

“He’s been warming up in the dance studio, let’s get you introduced then.” Hui followed you as you followed your manager to meet the spunky amateur choreographer who stole the country’s heart.

---

Hui spent the next two and a half hours trying to ignore how touchy the choreo was for the special stage. He tried to ignore the way the kid named Hyunggu looked at you and how he so casually called you Noona. Hyunggu made you to laugh and smile the whole time. He worked with you every step of the way, helped you get your body in the right position with gentle touches. Encouraged you when your messed up and praised your successful moves.

Hui liked the kid, he was talented and too damn likable. Hui, however, did not like how quickly the kid took to you. Alone, Hui could have adopted Hyunggu because he was a little ball of energy, but with you, Hui wanted to break his hands so he could touch you again. As Hui realized these thoughts were passing through his mind he had to physically shake them away. He was your coworker, you both worked for the same company. You two hadn’t known each other for very long either. These feelings Hui had, the way his body and mind were acting was ridiculous and he knew it was. Yet he couldn’t stop them. He watched Hyunggu mutter a joke he couldn’t hear and watched you laugh so hard you covered your face and held onto his shoulder to steady yourself. He didn’t know how the next few days would go or even the next few months, but he did know that whatever feelings he had for you would continue to grow. And at the moment he was working out how he was going to continue like things were normal and he was okay, when in reality he felt constantly nauseous and annoyed at every other guy who got too close to you.

[briteboy]

WHO is Santi and WHERE is his face?

i am LIVING for your warm & colorful posts right now!! your editing is so amazing and it brightens my day everytime i see a new post of yours *.*

THANK YOU!!!! <3 i am so happy/relieved to be using warm colors once more, i feel like myself again. don’t get me wrong, i do like evoking different moods, but sometimes (a lot of the time, especially with santi) too much is too much. today’s posts were HOPEfully my last emo edits..............for now

LOL I actually made a comment about Fiona naming a cat/dog (once Pets comes out) Rodrigo. I'll go back underground now haha (still a great story, cant wait to read more) -Runaway NONY

OH I DIDN’T EVEN SEE THAT wtf. either tumblr ate it or i accidentally scrolled past it i’m sorry. i always enjoy seeing messages from anons who return to my inbox! but lmAO that’s a good idea. i actually met the most perfect dog today and now i know the breed and name of dog santi needs immediately

Hii! If you dont mind me askin, how do you edit your darker screenshots? I always end up making them too light or too dark to see a thing :( Thank you!

hmmm idk what to tell you about making them too light or too dark, because that’s a very specific thing that really depends on the picture. BUT i know that the dodge tool is my bff for brightening up dark pictures while still retaining some of the darker elements you want in them (aversely, the burn tool will help darken parts), messing with the exposure can also really help, coloring can also help too, selective color is my bff especially with blue shadows and orangey skin...this is kind of a broad answer, i’m sorry, but if you needed help with something specific, let me know!

I remember you answered an ask and said you drew tears when you edit right? Is there a reason you don't use CC tears?

i answered this like two weeks ago but i can’t find it so whateveR i’ve used cc tears a few times but there’s only like three of those in existence and my characters have cried a LOT. i feel like it would be kinda weird if they had the same tears every time. also there are just some variations that i like to customize myself by drawing, like sometimes they’ll be full on sobbing, sometimes just one single tear...it just depends on the situation, that’s why i draw ‘em.

Santi is my favorite Harvest Moon character.

idk shit about harvest moon so idk how to respond to this :[ here’s a small picture of michael cera with a cactus

Would you recommend buying a macbook for playing sims?

if a macbook is what you already have, then yeah, i’d say it suffices without many problems. if you’re specifically going out and buying a computer with the knowledge that you’ll be playing sims on it, then mmmmmm i’d probably say no...but it also depends on if you’re like gonna get REALLY into storytelling and cc n shit or if it’s just casual gameplay with a mods folder that’s like 5 gb or less...if it’s the latter i think it should also be fine. but yeah it just depends on what kind of gaming you’re planning on doing.

How can I read your story from the beginning? Is there a link or something? I keep seeing it on my feet and it looks so great!

thank you! there’s a button at the top of my page that says “story directory” but if you’re on mobile you can just go here or copy this link: http://femmesim.tumblr.com/tagged/story/chrono

I've talked to u like once before and I'm to shy to talk to u again... Why am I like fish?

This**

we are all like fish if you really think about it lmao but really just reach out my dude! if we talked once then y’know you already broke the ice so just go for it!! i am here and ready to talk about all the things under the sun

Do you use Topaz Clean?

yep

hi hello so maybe I am just a blind bean but may I ask how in god's name do you get your images to be so crisp? I have everything set up, but it seems as if when I do my thing in Photoshop, everything turns out lookin like a blobfish. I'm not sure if you use another person's topaz settings or if you have your own. Thank you so much if you do respond bc I was too much of a wuss to message you *cries in Spanish*

OMG well it’s mostly just resizing, smart sharpening, and most importantly topaz clean (see above) that makes them so crisp. i also use the sharpen tool on sims’ faces, and the smudge tool when something is particularly pixelated or whatever. everything i do is listed in here! UR NOT A WUSS *hugs you in spanish*

youre my inspiration to be a better writer. I know i'm good and giving characters depth and backgrounds and coming up with a rough story idea. but i rush things and i'm not great at putting it into a good story so ya. My story on simblr started out as casual gameplay but i wanted it to be more and i'm trying to get better @ everything

OMG ;_________; it sounds like you are a good writer already, and it’s awesome that you recognize your strengths while also acknowledging that you need to work on some things as well. i try to do the same and i think that’s what keeps me level headed. it sounds like you just need to dedicate some time to planning, that way you start to realize all the nuances of your story that come together to flesh out that initial rough idea. you seem to have a positive attitude, so that’s great!! you’re already getting better and better, i know it <3

now Santi's song is Post Malone - Congratulations

OMF LMAO u sent this when santi finally got to mexico and it’s fitting

sos i was listening to the song fight song by rachel platten when i saw the photoset of santi making it to mexico and now i can't stop ugly crying please make it stop

omG i see it TAKE BACK UR LIFE SANTI U GOT THIS

This is so random but like, can I just say that you're so amazing like?? Why?? You're so sweet and funny and I love you very much ok

AKJSKJDFKJS THANK YOU THIS IS SO NICEEEE ;-; i try but a lot of the time i feel like a sarcastic asshole lmao thank u for thinking otherwise <3

Am I the only one who's like... really mad about pets being NPCs? I just feel like being able to control them was the best part. I don't really feel like the EP is worth it without them. Like, don't get me wrong, I understand that the team worked really hard on it, but I feel like they didn't do it as well as they could have.

hmm i’m kind of meh on that front because like on one hand i did like controlling pets and the novelty of the fact that you could just see their different interactions firsthand, but ultimately i think i’m okay with not controlling them because it makes it more realistic for me and honestly they’re probably more likely to take care of themselves a little bit more if they’re automated, because i’m just thinking about ts3 pets and how i literally had to make them go pee outside otherwise they’d pee in the house...even if they were well trained and stuff lmao. plus there might be a cheat or mod that lets you control them, like there was in ts2? so don’t lose hope yet.

hey your blog is AWESOME, i read through your stories in a day and am obsessed (kind of in love with gianni) ❤ what are some of your favorite ts4 blogs? i'm trying to find more awesome blogs to read through during my miserable journey of trying to get the game to work on my computer lol

heyo here’s some! thank you btw, and i hope your miserable journey ends soon :{

(I really need to get this off my chest) ok so my aunt is currently in a critical condition after having a kidney failure and she's in desperate need for a new one and I'm the only one in my family that's a match (so far) but I'm not allowed to donate bc I myself have severe health issues affecting my day to day life that would make it extremely dangerous for me to remove a kidney. I'm so fucking frustrated you don't understand like I just want to cry most of the time

first off i’m so sorry that this is even happening to you ;__; and you’re an amazing person for being willing to help out your aunt like that, so just know it isn’t your fault that you’re unable to. don’t guilt yourself for it okay? is there any other possible donor at all? i wanna know how this situation ends up. i really hope your aunt will be okay. just stay close to your family for support and don’t blame yourself.

how did you get photoshop for free? I'm trying to find a link that won't give me a virus, but I had no luck yet

the pirate bay is ur friend

Ok I gotta rant. GoT does NOT deserve the hype/amazing ratings. Like, sure the cinematography is pretty great and they have ok actors but the freaking script is so mediocre I actually think I could write a better one. Me. A 16 y/o tiny child. There are so much better shows out there! Hell, even Supernatural has a better script than GoT

whenever ppl agree with me about how much GoT sucks i grow stronger and stronger even the actors are iffy at this point. watching daenerys act is painful, jon snow is wooden as hell, it’s just bad. ur 16 yr old self has more potential than these writers tbh. it’s just completely mediocre; it started out as something great because it followed the same layered storytelling pattern as the books, but it’s diverged from that completely because the writers got too caught up in the hype. and you’re right, it doesn’t deserve that hype! omfdkjsgkj i’ve never watched supernatural but i haven’t heard good things. that’s a low bar

[boystownbirdie]

LMWTV4U: GOT S7E5

Welcome back! In case you’re new, this is “Let me watch TV 4 U,” the blog where I watch TV so you don’t have to. I’ll be recapping Game of Thrones, Season 7 Episode 5 and SPOILERS ABOUND SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Tonight’s episode was titled “Eastwatch” but a more fitting title would have been “Don’t I know you from a few seasons ago?” If you’ve been following GoT for awhile, you might know that “unlikely alliances” is one of George R.R.R.R.R. Martin’s go-to-setups. He really gets off on taking 2 characters who are TOTAL OPPOSITES on paper and watching them learn to get along, just like the premise of all sitcoms. Well all of these unlikely pairs have been meeting, forming bonds, and saying goodbye for the past 7 seasons and NOW we’re apparently at the part where we have to watch them meet back up again. It kind of sounds like a kewl idea but idk about you, it just turns into a mess as a viewer because you have to remember how/when/where everyone met before. It’s like watching a livestream of a very tense high school reunion.

All that being said, some shit went DOWN tonight, so let’s go!

First of all, we get a new location on the map in the beginning, Eastwatch! If you’ll recall this is the place where Gingerbae (my fave wildling and #2 crush after Bae- Jon Snow) went to guard the wall at the behest of Bae a few eps ago.

Our first scene takes place right after last week’s epic dragon battle...

We learn that Jaime and Bronn are both still alive and we have to watch Jaime spit up seawater and I’m like who do you think you are, Euron Greyjoy?!? (lol that joke only works if you watched last season, sorry). Bronn is like dude, do you have a death wish? And Jaime is like kind of… cuz my sis Queen Pixie Cut (QPC) is a “shoot the messenger” type and now I have to tell her about all this dragon business.

Speaking of, we get some more hot-dragon-action (and I meant hot as in temp-wise, not sexual...yet...wait til Bae gets his fingers on a dragon). Tyrion is looking around at all the hell Khaleesi hath wrought and seems pretty sad about it. Remember he is a Lannister, so a lot of people who got burnt up were his home-bois.

He walks over to Khaleesi who has rounded up the surviving Lannisters and is looking FLY  AS HELL post-battle scene. Seriously, who does her hair? Probs a Dothraki cuz #goodatbraids. Khaleesi tells all the captured soldiers to kneel before her and declare loyalty to her or get killed. Sams mean dad (SMD) and Sam’s Bro Dickon (SBD) refuse to kneel because they’re #tooproudtobeg and Khaleesi is like, srsly guys? But they are truly #tooproud, so they both get burned up by the dragon, per Khaleesi’s orders. All of this is very not cool with Tyrion and he makes that pretty clear.

Next, we pop over to King’s Landing where Jaime is about to drop some #truth on QPC…

He tells her things are not looking so hot (or are they looking VERY HOT? Get it? Cuz dragons...sorry I’ll stop now) and that the Dothrakis (Khaleesi’s horse people) and dragons will kill them all. QPC suggests they hire mercenaries but Jaime is not feeling it. Then Jaime drops truth bomb #2 and tells QPC that he recently got the scoop that Grandma Tyrell admitted to killing their son Joffrey. See QPC was CONVINCED that Tyrion killed Joffrey which is what eventually led T to flock to #teamkhaleesi. Jaime is maybe able to convince her of this fact and that they might have to surrender to Khaleesi. She’s basically like well, damned if you do, damned if you don’t, ya know? The theme of this scene is TROUBLE IN PARADISE.

Now to the Bae-on-dragon action I promised…

Bae is waiting at the arrivals gate for Khaleesi and #1 dragon like a sad little chauffeur when Mr. Dragon lands right on his toes. Rather than giving Mr. Dragon a wide berth, he walks right up to him and TOUCHES HIS NOSE like he’s friggin’ Moana (Moana fans where you at?) Mr. D is like about to bite at first but then he’s like, naw, you’re cool. Probably because Bae is secretly a Targaryen and they’re all about dragons. Bae asks Khaleesi about her business trip and she’s like I TCOB’ed if that’s what you mean and says “sometimes strength is terrible” but that as leaders, they have to be strong.

Khaleesi then starts to ask Bae about the knife-in-the-heart comment that No-Knuckles (NK) made a few weeks ago and before Bae has to uncomfortably describe his weird Lazarus-situation to her, Stoney shows up, fresh off being cured of his stone disease by none other than Bae’s bestie Sam. The artist formerly known as Stoney (but let’s just keep calling him Stoney for now) is like will you still have me, Khaleesi? And she’s like DOI, OF COORS. And Bae is like oh I knew your dad he was a kewl dude he gave me this sword.

We get a brief interlude with everyone’s fave sooth-sayer, Brandon Stark! He hops into the eyeballs of some birds who fly North to get an update on the ice-zombie-army. As we all suspected, the ice zombies are CLOSER THAN EVER and headed to Eastwatch. This should not be a surprise because every time we check on them they’re just walking further South and unlike humans do not need to stop to eat or pee or get their hair intricately braided.

We pop into Oldtown, where Sam hears about Bran’s report. He tells all the other Maesters that they should listen to him but they, as always, are like naw this shit can’t be real. Also Maester-Jim-Broadbent is like BTW, Sam’s dad and bro just got burnt up but don’t say anything to him.

Back to Dragonstone…

Where  Tyrion and sleevey recap sam's dad and bro getting killed and agree that it was not cool, bro. Sleevey helpfully recalls a time when Khaleesi’s dad was always burning people alive. Sleevey reveals that Bae got a letter in the mail and yes, he did read it which is a FEDERAL OFFENSE, SLEEVEY! You can’t afford to go to prison!

Bae gets his hands on the letter from his bro Bran and learns A LOT. A. Bran is alive. B. Arya is alive. And C. The Night-King (leader of the ice zombies) is coming to Eastwatch. Again, this should be a surprise to no one. He talks things through with Khaleesi and co. to devise a plan and everyone has something to contribute, you guys! Here’s the plan

Tyrion will talk to his bro to try to convince him that ice zombies are real, who will then convince QPC.

NK will use his smugglin’ skills to smuggle T into King’s Landing (at this point it should really be Queen’s landing, right?)

Bae will head up north and capture an ice zombie to bring to everyone for proof. Stoney will use his battling skills to help with this.

Khaleesi is not about to let Bae go, though, probs cuz she wants more hot cave-action. But Bae is like sorry G2G!

Back in Winterfell and trouble is afoot!

Sansa is sitting at her in-charge-table and all the “Northern Lords” (although everyone’s fave 11-year-old-kween is nowhere to be seen) are still griping about Bae being down South with Khaleesi. Sansa doesn’t accept their offer to basically put her in charge, but she doesn’t defend Bae too much either. Arya, who was always besties with Bae when they were all kiddos, is not ok with that. She calls her out on it and notices that Sansa is staying in their mom and dad’s old room. She’s like ummm… you always liked nice things. Which is such a classic Winterfell-burn.

They chat and learn that they have very different views on uniting people and consolidating power. Arya is little more murder-y but Sansa is a little more scheme-y. Which better? IDK I haven’t read “The Art of War.” Basically, Arya knows that Sansa is still a bit power-hungry and calls her out on it. But I did read “Lean In” and I’m like, is that so bad?

Later, we pop back into King’s Landing where Arya is tailing Littlefinger cuz #shedontlikethelooksofthisguy, He’s being shady, as always, handing out poision, scheming with the Northern Lords, and then she sees the Maester give LF a piece of paper and she’s like oooohh I gotta get my hands on that. LF hides the paper in his room but, bitch, didn’t you know Arya is a trained assassin from the face-swapping-cult now?

She finds the paper which looks like this letter that Sansa wrote back in Season 1 when she was being forced by QPC. It’s basically her asking #teamStark to swear loyalty to Joffrey, all of which is irrelevant because most of Team Stark, along with Joffrey, is dead. Then we see LF behind the scenes looking all satisfied. Why you may ask? Well it seems like LF is trying to drive a wedge between the sisters by making Arya distrust Sansa even more. IDK I don’t condone violence but I really just want someone to stab LF.

Back to team Khaleesi, Tyrion and NK roll up on Queen’s Landing…

Tyrion reminds us all that the last time he was here, he killed his dad. NK is like well the last time I was here, you killed my son! You’d think there would be some sort of resolution with that but nope, NK was just throwing it out there! Tyrion heads off to see his bro and NK heads off on a secret mission that IS VERY CUTE, just wait and see.

Bronn sets up a meeting between Tyrion and Jaime, who haven’t seen each other since Jaime saved Tyrion from getting killed (per QPC and their dad’s orders). T proceeded to shoot their dad to death on the toilet, so Jaime is understandably a little peeved. Tyrion explains why he came and asks if Jaime could ask QPC if she might possibly be into checking out an ice zombie if they can get one. Jaime is still peeved but considers this helpful offer.

Meanwhile, we get a reunion of 2 of our faves, NK and Gendry!!!! So non-GoT-watchers, Gendry is this dude who is secretly the son of Robert Baratheon, QPC’s ex-hubby and the former king. Only a few ppl knew this, and to protect him from QPC, he got sent North to the wall with Arya. He and Arya developed a cute lil’ friendship and then he met up with some Lord-of-Light (LOL) worshippers, the same ones who the Hound (remember from ep 1 of this season) is now traveling with. Then the red witch lady came and took him to Stannis to have leeches eat his blood but before the red witch could kill him, NK set him free and sent him on a rowboat back to King’s Landing. So here we are…

They reunite and it’s adorbs, since Gendry is like thanks for saving my life, you were right I ended up being safe here. And NK is like oh good, so I have a favor to ask, will you come with us? It’s for- and before he can finish Gendry is like NP my bags are packed let’s go. And NK is like do you want more info...or… and Gendry is like nope this place is the pits, let’s go, lemme get my hammer. And I AM FEELING THIS HAMMER y’all, Gendry is basically Thor of GoT now. And he shall henceforth be known as New-Thor.

NK and New-Thor head to the boat to leave Queen’s Landing and encounter some guards who aren’t gonna let them off that easy. Just when they bribe their way out of there, Tyrion shows up and the guards are like...you look familiar? So New-Thor kindly uses his hammer and demolishes those dudes, leaving T and NK both stunned and impressed.

While we’re still at Queen’s Landing, we see Jaime knocking on QPC’s door, but she’s busy with Maester Qyburn, having some deep discussion. We also learn Qyburn is the hand-of-the-queen (did we know this before? It was news to me). Jaime is like what we’re y’all talking about, and QPC is like I’m sorry, HIPAA, I can’t tell you. Then she tells him that she knows he met with Tyrion and that he should punish Bronn for setting that up. She also hints that she’s willing to do a collab with Khaleesi but then she’s like “we will defeat whatever stands in our way” which doesn’t sound very collab-y to me.

Then, in a major reversal, SHE DROPS A TRUTH BOMB ON HIM and tells him she’s PREGNANT and the baby is HIS. He is shook but also very happy because he loves her a lot. He’s like who you gonna say knocked you up? And she’s like it’s 2017, bitch, I’ll say it was my twin bro cuz #hatersgonnahate. Do we believe she is really preggo? I do not. Classic desperation move when you see your man starting to slip away. But nonetheless he is happy about it so there’s that.

Next, we head back to Dragonstone...

Where Bae meets New-Thor in Bae’s fave place, a cave! They reminisce about how their dads were friends and New-Thor calls out Bae on being a little shorty-pie. We think Bae is gonna be like “ah hell naw” but instead he’s like LOL you’re right bro. New-Thor offers to head North with Bae to kill some ice-zombies with his hammer. NK is a little peeved because he told New-Thor not to tell anyone who his dad was and not to get himself into trouble. NK’s like well don’t mind me, I only lived to be an old man so what do I know about surviving? It’s a very cute scene and it all plays out like a dad playfully chastising his sons for picking a college that’s too far away.

On the shore we get some goodbyes. Tyrion and Khaleesi both say goodbye to Stoney and Khaleesi is especially sappy about it. Then she says goodbye to Bae, who is busy loading up his boats with zombie-killing-rocks from the caves. She’s like, so…I’ll call you next week? And Bae’s like umm….maybe? But you know they’re both fighting the urge to pop into a cave for a quick makeout sesh.

Next, we see Sam and Gilly in Oldtown reading books…

Gilly happens upon the MOST IMPORTANT INFO EVER in a book, which Sam, in a very-un-Sam-like way, completely ignores. It’s infuriating. Basically she finds out that Bae’s real parents, Rhaegar Targaryen (Khaleesi’s bro) and Lyanna Stark (Daddy Stark’s sis) were legit married when she had Bae, which means he is the ONE-TRUE-HEIR to the iron throne or whatevs. Sam, however, is too peeved about the Maesters not listening to him (or Bran for that matter) and gathers up some of the best books in the library (and he is in for the late fee OF A CENTURY cuz you know he won’t return ‘em) and heads out of there.  It’s a frustrating scene. I just..can’t...

Finally, we make it to Eastwatch...

Where we get to check in with Gingerbae my #2 boo. Bae tells him the plan to trap the ice zombie and bring it back as proof and Gingerbae is like you are cuckoo. NK is there to confirm that yes, Bae is cuckoo, and no, he’s not going North with them. But on the docket we do have New-Thor with his hammer and Stoney with his un-stoned-hands and arms to help! Gingerbae is like well I know some other dudes who want to get up there...cut to…

The Hound and his LOL-ers Eyepatch and Gingerbun (am I the only one who finds Gingerbun kind of attractive?) are in Eastwatch-prison, doing a very poor version of Cellblock Tango from Chicago, the musical. This is the scene where the whole-don’t-I-know-you-from-somewhere gets really messy. No need to dive into all of it, the point is, these people have HISTORY with eachother. But Bae reminds them that since they’re all humans and not zombies, they’re on the same side. So they head out into the deep, cold, winter to trap and ice zombie. And we’re left there.

Let’s recap:

Biggest surprise this ep: QPC IS PREGNANT?!?!?!

Biggest letdown: Seriously Sam. You could not listen to the most important news ever because you were distracted?

Important fashion moments: Khaleesi lookin’ so fly fresh out of battle, Sansa is really rocking those fitted armor gowns

Who died this ep? Sam’s Bro Dickon (RIP) and Sam’s Mean Dad 

Thanks for reading! Tell your friends and subscribe!? 

[briarforgers]

Thanks for tagging me love @rnaxwellbeaumont​! 💕

LAST… [1] drink: frosted cinnamon [2] phone call: my friend [3] text message: from the same friend lmao [4] song you listened to: only u by laboum [5] time you cried: last sunday … we watched a movie and it was so beautiful and painful that I cried loool

HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: nahh [7] been cheated on: nopes [8] kissed someone and regretted it: I never kissed someone lol [9] lost someone special: yes :[10] been depressed: yeah… last month I was so down bc I kept being reminded by my parents to study hard and the pressure was sth I really couldn’t handle [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: nopesss

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] green [13] sky blue [14] pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: yes!! [16] fallen out of love: no [17] laughed until you cried: YES it’s bc of my idiot friends lmao [18] found out someone was talking about you? yep… but I didn’t care bc I do the same thing :D [19] met someone who changed you: yepz [20] found out who your true friends are:  yes!!! [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: no

GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: I have like 1.2k friends and I think I know 300+ of them personally…  [23] do you have any pets: five dogs… four cats… two fish… [24] do you want to change your name: I’m fine with my name :) [25] what did you do for your last birthday: Just celebrated it at home hehe [26] what time did you wake up: 5am :-/ 8:30am class sucks [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: watched laboum’s mv aaaa they’re so cute!! [28] name something you cannot wait for: semestral break lol and Christmas! [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: an hour ago [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: hmm… me being a sensitive binch… [31] what are you listening to right now: only u by laboum! [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: I think so??? [33] something that is getting on your nerves: ppl from my other fandom :-/ [34] most visited website: twitter, yt and tumblr (also a local gossip site bc they serve good #teas) [35] moles: I… have a lot lol [37] marks: keloid, a small burn mark and birthmark… stretch marks?? [38] hair colour: black-brown [39] long or short hair: mid-length [40] do you have a crush on someone: oh… well I have a crush on a local actor named John Lloyd Cruz! [41] what do you like about yourself? my funny ass I love making my friends laugh! [42] piercings: earlobes [43] blood type: B+ (confirmed from our blood typing activity yesterday :D) [44] nickname: Nics/Niknik [45] relationship status: single ! [46] zodiac sign: taurus [47] pronouns: she/her [48] fav tv show: B99 and La Luna Sangre (even tho I haven’t watched a single ep since two weeks ago fff) [49] tattoos: none… and I don’t plan to since it’s prohibited at school. also since I’m a medtech student we can’t have them [50] right or left handed: right

FIRST… [51] surgery: none [52] piercing: earlobes [53] best friend: *mariah carey voice* I don’t know her [54] sport: badminton [55] vacation: our province!  [56] pair of trainers: skechers… I loved it so much I cried when my parents donated it to a foundation lol

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: none atm [58] drinking: water [59] i’m about to: cry… I’m still waiting for class suspension announcement 😭 [60] listening to: tattooed on my mind [61] waiting for: CLASS SUSPENSION ANNOUNCEMENT 😭 [62] want: new phone :( Mine got stolen and I’m currently using my mom’s phone [63] get married: I want to… but I’ll put it aside first lol [64] career: none

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs! [66] lips or eyes: both!! [67] shorter or taller: taller bc I’m a tol girl (yeah… 176cm) [68] older or younger: older… maybe 3-5 years [70] nice arms or nice stomach: both! [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive [72] hook up or relationship: relationship of course [73] troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? nah [75] drank hard liquor? yes it was the worst day of my life [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? nopez [77] turned someone down: no one is interested in me lmao [78] sex on first date? ??? [79] broken someone’s heart? never [80] had your own heart broken? yep many times :-/ [81] been arrested? no :D [82] cried when someone died? yep :( [83] fallen for a friend: ???

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t [85] miracles? yes there can be miracles when you believe 😂 [86] love at first sight? no [87] santa claus? whomstdve?? [88] kiss on the first date? no [89] angels? yes

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: hmm can’t say right now bc idk if she considers me as her best friend lol I need confirmation [91] eye colour: black brown [92] favourite movie: mulan, tangled and moana!

tagging @allthecowslovetheleo​ @hwuariana-writer-movie-star​ @cheesepots​ and whoever wants to do this!! :D

[levis-nipple]

Tagged by: @ciel-midford, tnx :D

rules: answer these 85 things then tag 20 people :)

I tag: @sweet-vitya, @just-dugan-my-thang, @letslucy97

THE LAST:

1. drink: tea

2. phone call: mom

3. text message: a friend

4. song you listened to: Gorillaz - Ascension

5. time you cried: a few weeks ago, but i can’t remember about what

6. dated someone twice: yes

7. kissed someone and regretted it: yes

8. been cheated on: yes

9. lost someone special: yes

10. been depressed: not really

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: yes

THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Blue

13. Purple

14. Red (mm same)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. made new friends: yes

16. fallen out of love: no

17. laughed until you cried: yep

18. found out someone was talking about you: :)

19. met someone who changed you: no

20. found out who your friends are: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: i have no idea what this means, but if its about my friends list on facebook, then yes

GENERAL:

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: almost everybody

23. do you have any pets: yes! a cat :D

24. do you want to change your name: nah, i used to, but not anymore

25. what did you do for your last birthday: had a small party (it wasn’t an actual party, we just ate chinese food)

26. what time do you wake up: As late as I can (same)

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching ep 8 of stranger things (im really late with everything D:)

28. name something you can’t wait for: for my cat to be home (she had to stay at my dads house cause we weren’t home for a while :(( )

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: 30 mins ago

31. what are you listening to right now: Gorillaz - Doncamatic

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: no lol

33. something that is getting on your nerves: nothing really

34. most visited website: Tumblr, Youtube and Instagram (+facebook)

35. hair color: dark brown a bit lighter at the bottom because its a bit fried

36. long or short hair: medium

37. do you have a crush on someone: yes

38. what do you like about yourself: everything

39. piercings: only ears

40. blood type: O+

41. nickname: Srna, Yov

42. relationship status: in a relationship

43. zodiac: Gemini

45. favourite tv show: don’t watch that many, so idk ://

46. tattoos: none (but hopefully i’ll get some in the future)

47. right or left handed: Right

48. surgery: yes, appendectomy

50. sport: Volleyball!! (same)

51. vacation: i have no idea what this means, but i was on a vacation in greece two weeks ago

52. pair of trainers: 3? prob

MORE GENERAL:

53. eating: Yes. Just yes. (mmmmm)

54. drinking: i really should start drinking more water D: (although i stopped drinking alcohol for more than half a year, so thats something :) )

55. I’m about to: i have no idea

56. waiting for: Next chapter of Kuroshitsuji ( yeah same, plus my cat)

57. want: Drawing skills ( D”““““: )

58. get married: i have no idea

59. career: vet (if i don’t fucking fail)

WHICH IS BETTER:

60. hugs or kisses: aaahh bothh

61. lips or eyes: ??? bothhh

62. shorter or taller: taller

63. older or younger: ehhh

64. nice arms or nice stomach: what     w/e doesn’t really matter

65. hook up or relationship: Relationships.

66. troublemaker or hesitant: somethinng in the middle maybe?

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: kinda

68. drank hard liquor: Yes

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: no

70. turned someone down: yes

71. sex on the first date: no

72. broken someone’s heart: probably not

73. had your heart broken: yes

74. been arrested: no

75. cried when someone died: yes

76. fallen for a friend: no

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: Sometimes (same)

78. miracles: no

79. love at first sight: yes

80. santa claus: what

81. kiss on the first date: I guess it depends on the person (same)

82. angels: no

OTHER:

83. current best friend’s name: xxx

84. eye color: really dark brown

85. favorite movie: Howl's Moving Castle or House (1977 )

[my-bobohu-blog]

[170401] a personal update and a very detailed list of my future plans that give me a reason to keep living

so... i’ve been having a rough time again. i don’t even remember if i wrote it down or not? if i recorded it anywhere... but these past couple of days... or weeks i guess... it just felt like i was thrown back into the dark and it felt... terrifying. there was a day when i just couldn’t get out of bed because i just couldn’t? i tried and i wanted to but it just... wasn’t working... i couldn’t function and it felt like i was falling apart but i couldn’t figure out why no matter how many times i tried to walk myself through my emotions. it just felt like i was turned off. and now being back at school at that godforsaken school... it feels 100x worse. i just... i hate being there so much and it makes me feel so empty inside. 

sigh. i wanted to journal about all of this but the words never come out right and it takes so much more effort to format it correctly where it’ll work with my brain. but this works too because i can edit things quickly and cleanly without scribbling all over my cute little journal. and sometimes it just takes to long to write everything i want to say and my hand can’t keep up with my thoughts and i don’t want to leave anything out because my little plans for the future are important to me and even the smallest plans bring me a lot of joy so i just... i want to keep track of them all, mm? 

okay... so... i guess i’ll start listing off my future plans one by one in chronological order because it brings me a kind of peace and it makes me happy knowing that i’ll be capable of achieving these things one day...

for this weekend:

start my poetry readings (homer’s iliad) and idk just be a bit more active in my learning instead of trying to just run away from it

check canvas for any global health readings too so i can plan time to do those readings before monday’s class

watch ep 12 of swdbs (hehehe tonight hopefully after i take a nice shower and put my hair into braids)

for this coming week:

i will go to all my classes this week. no more skips. and i’ll get on top of my work (which isn’t much i don’t think) but i will be prepared

go bowling with hai maybe? i don’t know. we’ll see and i think i should be more honest with myself when it comes to him too

i wanna start a drama (the one with joy and lee hyun woo) and also keep watching grey’s anatomy and running man 

the weather is supposed to be nicer on monday through wednesday so maybe i’ll go to the zoo one of those days and see my baby otter pups

i should get my genetics and a&p credits transferred before something miraculously stupid happens like uw expels me for kicks and giggles

deposit money into the bank account to pay off my bills and to make up for all the shit i spent money on these past couple months (no regrets)

look cute one of these days and go take some selfies by the cherry blossoms @ the quad... which would be cool, hmm?

buy some more strawberry milk bc it makes me happy :) 

for this month:

go to the zoo at least twice to visit the baby otter pups and to just... enjoy the zoo whether it’s on my own or with company

no skipping classes in april to the best of your ability... because may and june might be hard and i need to keep it together at least one month

make sure to have a bad day preparedness plan just in case the bad days are bad and skipping isn’t an option

figure out a schedule to start working out on a weekly basis- but at the very least start working out at home or something

buy some cool socks and make hai a picture ornament for his birthday that’s coming up

fly to la to see fey, exo, and some sunshine LOL~ remember to have a good time and to just enjoy life as it comes

trim bangs 

for this school year:

pray like there’s no tomorrow that i got into the MLS program because it means the world to me and i want to stop being disappointed by life

pray some more just in case and just... pray a lot, hmm? just... lots of praying tbvh

apply to the biology major (ba bc bs is a pain in the ass even if it’s just one more physics class- fuck that)

do my best to just finish this quarter strong and to just get through it no matter what it may throw at me

drive to the beach on a really sunny/warm day and just feel the wind blow through my hair and enjoy life

transfer every single one of my credits and just get that taken care of so that i can figure out my next steps at this godforsaken school

go to oshian’s graduation and get her the most kickass present i can think of/make because she deserves it more than the world

for the future and beyond:

get into the mls program and totally kick ass by being motivated to learn new shit and making friends with my small cohort

get into the bio major and kick ass at that too because biology is just in my blood and engraved in my heart at this point

take a shit ton of challenging classes that make life worth living and do my clinical rotations and kick ass at that too because it’s lab and i love it

graduate with a bs in mls and a ba in bio and a minor in chem and if i’m feeling ambitious lets just tag on a minor in microbio too if i can

but really, graduate with at least a bs in mls because that’s what matters and i’m gonna do great with that too

apply to hospitals in seattle and boston and move to boston if there’s a place for me there

go on a big ass trip of joys and wonders after i graduate and before i move for my big senior solo trip

visit south korea, japan, and taiwan~ (maybe schedule it around the time of an exo concert, mm? and go to hot springs in japan~)

visit sm coex, go to pet cafes, run through the taiwanese night markets, eat all the delicious foods, just... live and be happy and explore

move to boston (hopefully) and start over with a new life with a job at a wonderful hospital~ live there for 2-3 years and see how it goes

go to farmers’ markets and buy myself fruits and flowers, learn how to cook more, live on my own, drink wine and watch netflix on my own

get a corgi and name it bubby and love it more than anything else in the world because it will be my lil love and my lil bub and it will own my soul

travel to europe and visit england, spain, france, and germany and idk anywhere in between wherever my heart takes me

apply to graduate school (maybe u of maryland) and get a masters in the pathologists’ assistant program 

become a freaking pathologists’ assistant??? and make $100k+ a year??? and kick fucking ass??? 

open up Bubby’s Bookshop (latter half of name still pending) as a safe space for ppl to go and be at peace

oh and adopt lola (or lolo) and my cat sparkles~ and shower them with all the love in the world

make special spaces in bubby’s bookshop like lola’s library and sparkles’ safe space w/ lil themes for ppl to seek comfort in

maybe get my phd??? so that i can be the lab director of a lab one day and just... still totally kick ass? because... that would be awesome

dr. elaine~ ayeeeeee LOLOLOL but really... that would be kind of really great and cool and exciting

buy a beach house or something... maybe start small and just rent a beachside apartment ya know? but... i’ll get there ;)

live simply, humbly, and happily

for everything in between my life plans:

remain flexible and have back ups and don’t be afraid to let go of certain future plans simply because they aren’t gonna work out

if i don’t get into the mls program, then i’ll get my bio degree and get a certification program in mls and i’ll go from there and adjust accordingly

if i choose a path different from pathologists’ assistant, then that’s cool too as long as i enjoy whatever path i take

hope and pray that my heart still belongs in labs and that truly where i am happy and where my soul resides

if not, then i can figure out something else from there too. there will always be time

for the bad days and the good days and life in between:

tell someone (oshian probably bc she’s my person) whenever those bad waves come before i start to drown too deeply

do not be afraid to reach out and to just... ask for help no matter how much of a burden i feel like i am... because i still matter and i need help

go to the zoo often and go to the beach often and just go places often. try to avoid holing myself in my room if i can avoid it

take advantage of good opportunities and try to put myself out there every once in a while- like good internships

keep friends. don’t push them away... because they matter and they’re important and they are everything

dude, go out to eat with other people. like literally anyone and not just by myself bc sometimes it’s a tad depressing and company is fucking gr8

take care of myself and know my own limits because those are essential to my sanity and my health and hopefully it will get better

but if it doesn’t, at least i’ll still have me and i will get myself through every single bad day in life and i will persevere and survive

even if this is the longest shit i’ve written it still feels so incomplete? like i’m missing something or that i’m leaving out some small details that really matter... but... i think that’s okay, hmm? i hope... i hope i can achieve these things or at least still remain true to the heart and soul that is striving after these things. 

i want to be better. i want to be a better elaine that little-elaine can look up to and be proud of. i want big-elaine to look back and think, “you did good little one. thank you for the strength to get us to this point. you did good.” because that matters and because... because even if i make all these plans, i’m still scared that something is going to go wrong with my heart and my soul and that somewhere underneath all of this is someone who is rotten at the core and... and i hope that’s not true... but i’m trying. i’m trying my best and i’m trying to be the best i can be even if that just means buying strawberry milk on a wednesday to help me get through the rest of the week. and i don’t know if that made sense... but it matters to me. because... because i’ve gone through a shit ton and i don’t always think i’m a good person... but goddammit i’m trying and that has to count for something... it has to matter to me that i’m trying. 

sigh. 

none of my future plans really have people involved specifically... except osh bc she’s my best friend and i will fight like hell to keep her in my life even if i’m living across the country. but... there’s no plans for a boyfriend or a husband... because... because i feel like if i do that then i’ll be weak and that somehow having plans will break my heart when they don’t come true because they never do. so idk... i don’t even know why i wanted to mention this but i also kind of know because i told myself i’d be honest with myself today. and the truth is... i’m scared of being alone and i’m scared of settling and i’m scared of being with someone i’m unhappy with so i’d rather just be alone because i can control how i feel about myself and i can control those aspects of my future because they’re my future and someone else’s future isn’t a part of that- not really. and... and i’m scared of someone walking in and changing my plans and then walking right back out after damage has been done... and i’m scared because i can’t control their feelings but... but i don’t want to have to pick up all my broken pieces each time someone walks out of my life either. i’ve grown so tired of it. 

but... but i won’t lie. i want someone who is gonna hug me at the end of the day and kiss me on the forehead and hold my hand and tell me that even on my worse days, things are going to be okay... that i’m going to be okay. because they’ll know that only me telling myself those things isn’t always enough so they’re there to support me too. and... and i want to love someone. really love someone and just... link arms with them and let them cuddle up with me in bed and tell them about my future plans and ask about theirs and maybe make future plans together. my goodness i don’t want to end up alone but i feel like i will just because i’m too fucking scared to include anyone in my future... but... i hope... i really hope that i won’t end up alone. which is a stupid sentiment by the way bc i have osh and my family who love and adore me and would do anything for me... and i’m still trying to figure out what i mean when i want someone to love me... and i guess i mean that in a s/o kind of way but... but still... it just... feels weird. like i want someone special but osh and family are still special and i don’t know how to specify what i want in words but i think it’s understandable but i wish i could just break it down and really make sense of what i want... sigh. idk... i’m just rambling at this point.

alright... i’m growing tired because i’m still not sure what the point of these last few points were. anyways.

to my little love (aka me), you are doing great and i’m proud of you. even if the depression feels like it’s eating you alive- you are going to survive this. you have goals and plans and it’s going to be okay because you’re smart and you’re going to fight and you’re going to survive this and it’s going to get better. even if life decides to screw you over at every corner you turn, you’re going to persevere and make it through. even if you have to suffer, you will fucking persevere because that’s just what you do and that’s what your heart is made of. it was meant to persevere even in the toughest times that test you and make you want to give up- you never will. even if there are smaller things that occupy your mind and your time- even if there are things that make you more vulnerable than you ever anticipated despite you knowing it shouldn’t- you’re gonna be okay and it’s going to be okay. you are going to accomplish all your goals in the best of your ability and you’re going to have a bright future because that’s just who and what you are. you are light and you are meant to live simply and brightly and it’s going to be okay. and even if you find yourself in the darkness, you will light your own way and figure your way out. you are strong my little potato bud. you are going to be great and i am so proud of you. 

[ais-n]

Ajin is so great wtf! (no spoilers, no worries ) ALSO, lots of other anime recs mentioned

I started watching an anime last night that @danisnotonfire and @amazingphil keep mentioning especially in their liveshows -- Ajin. I think I thought it was something completely different, like a continuation of another series or something. But I was bored last night and saw it on Netflix so gave it a go.

What the actual fuck, guys! This series is AWESOME so far!!

It actually gives me a lot of Tokyo Ghoul vibes, and from what I can see they first started serialization as manga about a year apart, with Tokyo Ghoul first. But Ajin feels sort of like, if Tokyo Ghoul had focused on the start of all the craziness in Tokyo instead of after there was the full formation of their law enforcement crews and etc etc. 

The designs have sort of similar vibes too, from the elite dude in LE to the MC to the MC’s childhood best friend who I also wish was in the series more just like in Tokyo Ghoul, but the personalities aren’t all the same.

I’m not finished with what’s out of Ajin in anime yet--just finished the first season last night, saw the first ep of season 2 this morning, will have to wait till after work to watch the rest this week. So I probably will avoid tumblr for a bit just to avoid spoilers until I’m up to date on the anime at least. Also, I see there are 9 volumes of manga so I’ll probably read the manga too if I continue to like the anime.

I’m feeling about Ajin so far the way I first felt about Tokyo Ghoul -- that I really like it, although sometimes the government or LE make really weird decisions as if it’s to make sure the MCs win, but imo the bad guy in Ajin is way cooler than TG. He’s way more intelligent about the way he’s systematically dismantling shit. Actually, the way social media is integrated into Ajin reminds me a bit of Zankyou no Terror which I ALSO really loved the fuck out of in the beginning but the fucking ending of that and the choice to MC that stupid ass girl totally ruined the series for me.

Also, while I loved the hell out of Tokyo Ghoul, I’ve so far been largely disappointed by Tokyo Ghoul:re (so much so that I stopped reading the manga months ago but I plan to give it another go soon). 

So right now, Ajin is reflecting the love I had for Tokyo Ghoul and Zankyou no Terror, but has yet to disappoint me like both of those did. I hope that continues going forward because wow would it be nice to finish an anime series or continue a manga series with as much love as I started it lol

Anyway, Dan and Phil--you guys give good anime recs! (More about their other recs behind the cut)

I also watched Magi after you kept talking about it, even though I’d tried reading the manga years earlier and didn’t like it. But then I gave it another go and now I fucking love that series. Alibaba is the actual fucking best and has become one of my favorite anime characters, period. I’m a few chapters behind on that one because I think the series is ending soon and I kind of wanted to read it all at once, but we’ll see.

Also, I know I’ve watched or heard of a number of the other ones Dan has mentioned in his anime recs. And for the most part, I also have liked or even loved those. Dan’s videos are: Anime Will Ruin Your Life, Dan’s Anime Recs, and Dan’s Anime Recs #2. Also here’s Phil’s video where Dan and Phil cosplay.

The main place where we differ is I didn’t much like Erased (can’t fully recall why), Sword Art Online I gave a go for an episode but didn’t get into it (but this may be a generational thing; I have been into anime like 13 years longer than Dan so I think it’s just that SAO feels like a really new concept if they haven’t seen the 10,000 anime like it I watched ages ago, but it ALSO may be that maybe it gets way better later and I just didn’t give it a good enough chance), and.... that’s actually it. All the other ones he lists I either love, really like, thought was cool, or haven’t seen yet.

Honorable mentions:

I started Haikyuu!! because they mentioned it and OH MY FUCKING GOD THANK YOU DAN AND PHIL.

Chihayafuru--my friend recced this separately to me, said it was one of her favorite series ever. I did start watching it and liked it, I stopped it because idk I just took a break, it’s a bit slower moving of a story than I usually do. BUT it’s good!

Madoka Magica, Soul Eater (the bit I’ve read), Black Butler, Death Note, Free!, these are all good.

Neon Genesis Evangelion and Cowboy Bebop are classics. If you haven’t watched them you have to! Kaworu all the fucking way in Eva <3333333, and Cowboy Bebop is just all around incredible.

Tokyo Ghoul I watched on my own before they recced it --like I said, I liked that too; Tokyo Ghoul imo is super good, it’s just :re that’s meh. Your Lie in April is really good for the most part (although a relationship thing of it bugged me because I knew from the start what was going on, not because spoilers but because it was obvious to me, so that kind of ruined the story a little because I think it was meant to be a plot twist, BUT it’s still quite beautiful and moving)-- Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood is fucking incredible and if you haven’t seen that WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE. Magi is awesome. I started reading Parasyte because I got the first volume in the $1 bargain box at rightstufanime. I have Stein’s Gate but haven’t watched it yet. 

Attack on Titan was one I was suuuuuper into when I first started reading it/watching it when it first came out but then idk. I got caught up to the manga, had to wait for chapters, the art quality deteriorated/changed, I didn’t like most of the characters and the one I did like kind of wasn’t around as much, so I lost my love of that series. I’ll probably watch the anime sometime to see what happens because the anime is much more well done than the manga, in a shocking turn of events that’s contrary to usual.

Fruits Basket is another classic and IT’S SO FUCKING CUTE AND GOOD, if you haven’t seen that WHAT ALSO ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE.

re:ZERO I’d found on my own and I loved it. I agree with Dan on having that as a rec. It’s very interesting.

Yuri on Ice I feel pretty meh about. I know everyone thinks it’s the best thing ever but I think it’s really poorly written and I don’t really care too much about the characters. idk if I’ll even bother watching season 2. We’ll see. I kind of don’t like any of the relationships tbh. Not really a fan of the two MCs.

Hunter x Hunter ... I think it’s good through the Yorknew City arc, and I love the FUCK out of Kurapika as a character just generally in anime/manga ever, but I don’t really like the series after that. I am behind on the latest chapters. I tried reading it when the new ones came out after the hiatus but I was kind of turned off by the first 2 chapters and set it aside. Eventually I’ll continue that again.

The rest of the ones Dan has mentioned, I have yet to see but I think I’ve heard a number of them before on other recs.

You should watch his videos for more information on those anime, also you can get a free trial at Crunchyroll using their codes if you need it. tbh I did eventually buy Crunchyroll so I can watch anime on my roku and I’m really happy with this decision. I will continue to pay for it because it’s super nice--even just in watching One Piece for the 10,000th time with my friend.

That became way more rambling/in depth than I planned lol I was just gonna be like “LOLZ AJIN = GOOD SO FAR WOW! :D” but then I wanted to link Dan’s vids and basically say that I do think you should listen to Dan and Phil’s recs. So far they seem like they have really good taste in anime. 

And that’s coming from a 33 year old who’s been watching anime/reading manga since 13/14, and has seen/read a shit ton of series over that time. I’m pretty critical of series by now. And for the most part, Dan and Phil have been recommending genuinely awesome series. And I’ve found new series I wouldn’t have watched without them so I’m really happy.

Anyway those are my thoughts! I’m excited to watch more Ajin when I get back from work today! PLEASE DON’T LET ME DOWN AJIN T_T

[chromsai]

For the character ask, could we get the great and amazing Sawatari-San?

NEO NEW SAWATARI DA

First impression: wow what an asshole

Impression now: YASSSSS BOOOYYY SLAAAYYY ME WITH YA ENTAME FUCKING LEGIITTT PERFECT GODS BLESS YOU

Favorite moment: ohhh man i have 3 even tho i usually always love him anyway but his duel with Yuya during MCS, his duel with Yugo was also A+++++, and then his diving save of Crow’s card -> resulting feels+ tears oh gods this boy is too good (also him in ep 139 was also fucking great wow i love him)

Idea for a story: WOULDN’T THAT BE AMAZING IF WE GOT A SPIN OFF SERIES BASED SOLEY AROUND HIM POST-ARC V AND HIS OWN JOURNEY TO BECOMING A PRO DUELIST/PRO ENTERTAINMENT DUELIST WHERE HE JUST KEEPS GETTING INTO DEADLY, WORLD-THREATENING SITUATIONS BUT HE JUST ALWAYS BRUSHES IT OFF LIKE “HEH I’VE BEEN THROUGH WORSE” REFERRING TO THE EVENTS OF ARC V LMAO look honestly i would watch it

Unpopular opinion: a lot of people complain he had no character development, but i say yes he did but it literally happened at the beginning of arc v and yes i will agree he has had no character growth since then but i don’t see why that’s bad? why do we always gotta expect some characters to keep growing? esp when arc v’s plot is so fast-paced? you guys DO realize that arc v’s entire plot takes place within the span of a few WEEKS, right??? shingo had his due growth, i’d say.Oh also, I might get shit on for this (and heck sometimes I myself feel like shit for thinking this buuut) I actually.......... I actually think he’s a better entertainment duelist than Yuya agehrdfioaerifdsokjeds I knOW I KNOW HOW COULD I BE SAYING THAT I mean.... Where Yuya hesitates and thinks too much into things sometimes and maybe even forces his entertainment style, Shingo actually doesn’t. Ever. Not once? He doesn’t think about it, he just does it, whether people like it or not (which as you saw with his duel with Yugo, in the end because of this style, people end up liking him anyway lol). I LOVE Yuya’s style of entertainment ofc but I actually think he could stand to learn a few things from Shingo???? I mean... it’s just that Shingo’s a legit natural entertainer and Yuya... sometimes isn’t... Wow holy shit... yeah... I said that....... (Yuya that’s not a bad thing tho, trust me.)

Favorite relationship: ohhhh man with Yuya (and also Gongenzaka and Shun and Crow too). but oh my god. episode 139 today showed exactly why i love their relationship? and it also shows that previous growth from the earlier episodes that i just mentioned. like he started off pretty much hating Yuya’s guts, grew to respecting him (and his guts) during their second duel, shown several times that he DOES think of him and the other Lancers as legit comrades and is willing to work together with them, and then he CALLS OUT Zarc Yuya in this most recent episode for pretty much “abandoning” his own ideals (i think we can all infer that Shingo knows he really hasn’t and that Yuya would never actually do that and that Zarc’s the one in control, but he does it to provoke both Yuya AND Zarc at the same time. It’s like another form of teamwork. He’s trying to provoke Yuya to help him take down Zarc). Fuck you if you think Shingo is a shit character. (side note: I know he’s compared a lot to Manjoume from GX (aka the BEST GX character) and yes they do have their similarities, but they still were handled differently and I still like how they were both individually handled. Please back off from saying “oh he’s no Manjoume” like stfu they’re different characters with different backstories and motives).

Favorite headcanon: wow for all my love for him i actually don’t have any hahaha idk maybe i’ll figure some out later 

[rahleeyah]

Okay okay first of all, PM me if you really don’t care about these and I’ll stop lol! Post ep thoughts on a first time viewing of “Savior”

1. Rich Girl Liv makes an appearance! She can spot a $2k purse a mile away and Elliot knows it. Now all I can think about is how he went home that night with the reminder that she lived an entirely different life before meeting him and how he sometimes feels entirely inadequate with her history and culture and he just has a million kids at home and doesn’t get to do fancy shit cause he’s tired, Kathy is tired and he never buys Kathy purses like that and Kathy never got to the point in life where she bought purses like that for herself cause someone always needed something. 💔

2. Oh man the NICU. Baby #2 spent some time in there and I had a flashback to the endless amount of hand washing (up to the elbows!) before being allowed in and how visitors are extremely limited (prob no cops allowed). Giggled about how cavalier a stay this 24 week micro preemie had with all these cop visitors. (Before anyone worries, mine was an 8lb NICU baby who tried to roll over in his little crib thing. He’s now a beast of a child who put me in traction making me carry his 40lb healthy self this weekend)

3. Lee is completely underutilized this episode and why is it so hot when he and Elliot pray together?

4. We just never hear about this baby and the medical decisions Liv makes again? Okay. 🤦🏻‍♀️

5. I desperately need a scene in S23 where it’s very apparent to Elliot that Liv is a MOM now and it just punches him in the gut and he can’t breathe. He missed it. And he should have been there. And I need a moment where Liv is so fucking smug but also angry. Smug because she knows Elliot was about to use his classic “you don’t understand you’re not a parent” line and HE CAN’T THROW THAT IN HER FACE ANYMORE, but angry because she realizes he’s always been right and being a parent is SOOOO different and changes the game and she HATES that he’s right. But she also knows that he violated parent rule #1 which is that you don’t need to throw in non-parent’s faces that it’s different because there is just no way of knowing before you KNOW. I have this scene in mind where she just unloads on him about how she always expected him to be there when she became a mom. Just yelling how when the squad chipped in for a crib and car seats and a high chair and stroller and baby bouncers she just always thought he would have been there to get some ridiculous gift because his kids loved it and he thought it would help her out. How she always imagined rolling her eyes at his unsolicited dad advice and imagined refusing to take it but then breaking down and using it and URGH sometimes he would fucking be right and it would irritate her to no end.

6. I don’t think Elliot ever really agreed with how Kathy raised the kids. Like I think there is a lot of child-rearing fights that happen in the Stabler household. Elliot thinks Kathy is too permissive and let’s the kids off too easy, and Kathy is just always so angry and irritated because if he wants an opinion he should be there more often and she’s just one person basically doing it alone.

No I love these keep em coming 🙌🙌🙌

1) oh you just gonna wreck me right out the gate with Rich Girl Liv casually recognizing class and Kathy never getting anywhere near it. Kathy, who was stripped of her opportunity for a different, maybe better life, as much if not more than Elliot. Kathy bby you deserved better.

2) oooof that's so scary fam I'm glad your little one recovered. But like yeah they're not about following protocol lmaooo

3) lmaoooo I mean. Idk but it is

4) YEAH WE JUST NEVER HEAR ABOUT THIS BABY AGAIN. "hey Olivia we know you always wanted a child and here is a vulnerable little baby entrusted to your care make a life or death decision for this child right now OR ELSE" and then. No follow up. Which. I think we all know what that means 😭

5) the fact that Elliot missed this milestone in Olivia's life will never not destroy me. He should have been there. He promised to support her and help her in any way she needed to make this dream a reality and then he left and she did it all by herself. And Elliot watching her, seeing that she is a good mom, a great mom, like he always knew she would be? Olivia confronting him about it? Oh my heart

6) that's a really interesting take and honestly I can see it. And like. Elliot loves his kids of course he does but he is damaged by his upbringing and his work and he gets so angry with them and so controlling and aggressive that I can totally see a) him thinking Kathy is too lenient and b) Kathy thinking he's an asshole who's too hard on them. And the fact that Kathy is basically doing it all by herself makes that even worse, bc not only has he put her in this position where everything is on her, when he does try to interfere and be a parent he comes very close to being a bully sometimes and I can see her being so defensive of the kids bc they deserve better than a dad who's almost never around, and is angry when he is. Kathy baby you never should have let him come back 😭 like don't get me wrong I love him and he is not a horrible dad and he is not mean to his kids every second but that temper jumps out a lot. I like to think he mellowed after he left the NYPD tho. Like. He is no longer under that pressure, and he is no longer terrified for his kids now that he's not seeing new threats against them every single day and plus they're older and moving on and he's (maybe) spending more time with Kathy and Eli than he was able to spend with the older kids when they were small.

[ismiseben]

Vancouver, July 7th 2019

So I wanted to just make a blog post to pretty much vomit my thoughts out. I’m gonna write about how I’m feeling so far on this trip and what my hopes are for the near future, and also some stuff I’m excited about in the near future and when I leave Vancouver.

It’s been a cool experience so far, the flights all went well, I watched Winter Soldier on the way over (great movie) and pretty much slept from Toronto to Vancouver, but it was a pretty rough flight. Body started to really feel exhausted and the sleep wasn’t a peaceful one. Nonetheless, landed in Vancouver with all my stuff so I can’t complain.

Waited on Stu for a bit, got the SkyTrain and walked to the Cambie. We stayed there for a few days while we tried to find somewhere to live for the summer. Pretty stressful but we found a place with a lease starting July 1st. We stayed in Kristof’s place until then, and it was actually okay. Living out of the suitcase wasn’t though.

Walmart is so cool, I think it’s mainly because of the different food over here like Cinnamon toast crunch and Twizzlers etc. We went to Stanley Park, it was pretty cool. Really pretty place. Great views. We also checked out the drumming circle on the beach. Incredible sunset and a really chilled vibe, but wow so many Irish people (not ideal). Still a cool experience though.

By now, we’ve walked all over Downtown and sometimes I like to just glance at my surroundings, the buildings are so tall. It’s a really amazing place to just be in. The transport is awesome too, the Skytrain is just so ideal.

Pre-ordered Fire Emblem: Three Houses because I’m too excited for that to wait until late August.

We’re pretty settled now and currently just looking for a job, I’ll be starting a gym routine again tomorrow which is good too. We haven’t done too much sightseeing yet, but that’s mainly down to us wanting to get into this new place and finally settle. Kai will be here in a couple days and we might as well wait for him before doing our sightseeing. 

We’ve gone on a few nights out too, Cambie, Celebrities, Republic and Donnellans. The two latter were pretty garbage. Met a girl in Celebs though and had some fun. Also went to Kits beach, the logs were cool. Such a chill vibe. Also those cars you can just drive on the side of the road and leave wherever, so handy. I rly need to get my license.

Canadian accent is so attractive too, like so much better than an Irish one. 

It was pretty sunny for a while but the past week or so has been rainy/overcast. Which I don’t mind honestly.

The place we’re in, Kerrisdale, is good. It’s not perfect but it’ll do. And it’s affordable so we’re kinda happy out really.

The lads are going to Bundoran again - like why? Really glad I’m not there, it’s a carbon copy of last summer. So I’m honestly just so glad to be in a different environment. Everyday doesn’t have to be jam packed with activities, not at all. It’s just the fact I’m in a new place, with so much things to do, and just to experience a new country and way of life.

Like I’m in Canada right now, but it feels like I’m at home. It’s really not much different to Ireland.

Found a cool little Manga store on Granville, literally could just stand in there for hours looking at stuff. So cool. I wanna start writing.

Also celebrated Canada Day here, saw some fireworks and met some cool people at the Cambie!

I’ve been watching Darling in the FranXX and Stranger Things so far, both pretty interesting. Also went to see Spiderman in a pretty cool theatre, enjoyed that quite a bit. Granville is so cool btw, so many cool stores. Went to Hot Topic in Metrotown, they had so much cool shit. SO much Kingdom Hearts/Twenty One Pilots merch. Wanna check that out again, I’m gonna make a purchase there and in that Manga shop before the summer’s over.

I do wanna dye my hair, but I think I’ll wait til I get a job. I don’t wanna be splashing money until I’ve got some income to offset some spending.

I wanna get a Gaming PC when I go home, I wanna play Destiny, League of Legends, Overwatch, Final Fantasy 14, Rainbow Six and loads more. I also finally wanna start streaming.

I got an urge to start writing for Moe’s site again, might start doing that idk. I also renewed my Adobe, I wanna use Photoshop and make some AMVs on Premier/After Effects again. 

I want Crash Nitro Fueled, I’m gonna get it for Switch - tried today and Best Buy was sold out. Typical. I also wanna get an iPad and start drawing, but I think I should start on paper first. Just to see if I like it.

So yeah, once Kai gets here I wanna go to North Vancouver a lot more often and start doing hikes up North and see some of the amazing sights. That’s what we came here for, that and just a general shakeup in life. Something new. They look beautiful though, lakes and forests and mountains. I can’t wait to see that.

We’re also going to Ejeca on the 19th and a house party on the 20th. I’ll see how that goes.

When I get home I’m excited to play some games lmao, I miss my PS4. I wanna play Destiny and start a clan. I also wanna replay FF13, I was looking at some wiki stuff on that and I miss it. I want a Razer headset too, we might make that purchase when I get my PC. I’ve a list of things on my phone I wanna save up for, a good camera for example. 

I’m also so excited to just be home and not have to buy groceries lol. I wanna make my room cooler. Accenture is going to be amazing too, I’m going to India. I wanna join socs, maybe even start my own and finally meet some like-minded people. I didn’t do it in Uni and I regret that but I may have another chance now.

Life is good.

I wanna eat more calories and really try to bulk up, I wanna start weighing myself in pounds for more accuracy and find my calorie maintenance myself. I’ll work from there. Spread my meals out over the day etc.

I may need a new name for PC and Stadia. I really wanna draw my own stuff. I wanna join a community of Irish streamers and gamers and start from there. It’ll take time. Be yourself though, and fuck what people think. 

Also been watching Love Island lol, it’s entertaining as fuck. 

Soundbar for my TV! Check out your “Saving For” list future me. 

Bought a sweet Fila top too, perfect for Electric Picnic - black bandana too.

We wanna go to Squamish and Whistler, maybe meet Michelle. Wanna make that happen. They look amazing. 

That’s kinda all my thoughts at the moment, I think. I’ll keep posting.

So far it’s been great, just settling into the area and being in a new place. The amount of Irish is a bit annoying, but it’s fine. The few Canadians we’ve spoke with have been cool. But yeah, excited for the rest of it, gonna chill out when I want and do shit when I want. No pressure. It’s not a two week holiday, its a 2 month change in my life and my environment. There’s still so much time and so much to do, but also wow it’s going by fast. 

I’m excited for the rest of it and also to go home and play games and go to EP and most importantly to start in Accenture and welcome that new chapter. But that’ll all happen eventually, for now the focus is on Canada and enjoying my time here. We can focus on all that other stuff I’ve mentioned once I get home. Plenty of time for that, whereas I’ve only 1.5 month(s) left in this Canadian life experience. Will update soon.

[crankstank]

1-100

1) What images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpaper? A cartoon image of Freddie Gibbs on his YOL2 EP cover

2) Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Not really.

3) What was your last text message? “No” to that stupid bitch Tyler

4) What do you see yourself doing in 10 years? 

5) If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be? Lol idk

6) What was your coolest Halloween costume? Mike Wazowski

7) What was your favorite 90s show? Ed Edd n Eddy came out in 1999 so that counts

8) Who was your last kiss? My ex

9) Have you ever been stood up? Nope

10) Favorite ice cream flavor? Vanilla

11) Have you been to Las Vegas? No but my coworker wants to take me there on my 21st bday so maybe someday

12) Your favorite pair of shoes? Vans

13) Honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other? No

14) What is your favorite fruit? Probably either grapes or apples

15) Have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself dating/having sex with? If possible? Yeah

16) Are you into hookups? Short or long term relationships? I’m open to anything at this point

17) Do you smoke? If so, what? Weed and the occasional black and mild/cigarette if I get pissed off enough at work

18) What do you do to get over your anger? Depends on where I am. My car I will speed, anywhere else I’ll punch shit, at home usually my bed and at work probably a 20 pound brisket lmfao

19) Do you believe in God? Ehhh kind of??

20) Does the person you’re in love with know it? I’m not in love

21) Favorite position? I’m still a virgin fool

22) What’s your horoscope sign? Leo

23) Your fears? Being buried alive and getting in a terrible car accident

24) How many pets do you have? What kind? 3 cats

25) What never fails to turn you on? If she likes the same music as me

26) Your idea of a perfect first date? Smoke weed and watch a movie or something lmfao idk dude

27) What is something most people don’t know about you? Umm i’m not sure

28) What makes you feel the happiest? Taking a huge dab after a bad day

29) What store do you shop at most often? Martin’s because I work there lmao

30) How do you feel about oral? Giving and/or receiving? I’m down

31) Do you believe in karma? Yeah

32) Are you single? Yeah

33) Do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize? If you held me down and forced me to choose, candy, but just fucking use your words. 

34) Are you a good swimmer? Yes

35) Coffee or Tea? Coffee but I don’t really drink either

36) Online shopping or shopping in person? Online

37) Would you rather be older or younger than your current age? Younger

38) Cats or Dogs? Cats but I FUCKING LOVE BOTH

39) Are you a competitive person? Sometimes

40) Do you believe in aliens? Yeah

41) Do you like dancing? When I’m drunk

42) What kind of music to you listen to? Mostly rap nowadays but I’ve been getting into rock, metal, and pop punk again thanks to work!!

43) What is your favorite cartoon character? Denzel from Brickleberry is great

44) Where are you from? Osceola, Indiana

45) Eat at home or eat out? Out if I can afford it

46) How much more social are you when you’re drunk? More than usual

47) What was the last thing you bought for yourself? Pokemon Ultra Sun

48) Why do you think your followers follow you? I don’t know lol

49) How many hours do you sleep at night? Like 4.

50) What worries you most about the future? That I’m not going to amount to anything. I really need to get my shit together

51) If you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends? Not long I wouldn’t be able to stand him

52) Are you happy with yourself? Sort of

53) What do you wish you didn’t know? That my mom cheated on my dad

54) What big lesson could people learn from your life?

55) If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be? The home Sin lived in in Spirited Away seemed minus the witch and baby

56) What’s your favorite Website? Reddit probably. Spend too much time on there

57) What’s the habit you’re proudest of breaking? Ruining everything immediately lmfao it has a 5 minute delay now

58) What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles? Can’t remember

59) What’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or thrift store? I got Pokemon Crystal when I was 10 at a garage sale. Probably best $5 spent

60) What do you order when you eat Chinese food? I dont

61) If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be? NEW JERSEY

62) If you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be? Sex Ed lmfao I would have a field day there

63) Favorite kind of chips? I WANT MORE OF THEM LIL BOOSIE CHIPS

64) Favorite kind of sandwich? HAAAAAAM AND TURKEY

65) Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus? Neither I have google

66) Have you ever been stung by a bee? Yeah

67) What’s your favorite form of exercise? Skullcrushers!

68) Are you afraid of heights? Somewhat

69) What’s the most memorable class you’ve ever taken? Astronomy

70) What’s your favorite breakfast? Muffin you stupid bitch I don’t even like breakfast

71) Do you like guacamole? DO I LOOK LIKE A GUACAMOLE MOTHERFUCKER

72) Have you ever been in a physical fight? Yes

73) What/who are you thinking about right now? Food

74) Do you like cuddling? YES

75) Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Nah

76) Have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears? No

77) Favorite city you’ve been to? They all suck lol Chicago I guess

78) Would you break the law to save a family member? Yeah lmfao

79) Talk about an embarrassing moment? When I was running up to Scott and Brian in 5th grade, only to trip, roll down a hill, and hit my ass on a big metal pole

80) Are there any causes you strongly believe in? Eh nah lol I ain’t deep

81) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Broken right thumb

82) Favorite day of the week? Whatever days I have off

83) Do you consider yourself sexually open minded? Sure I guess

84) How do you feel about porn? Its fucking fantastic

85) Which living celebrity would you like to know? Freddie Gibbs

86) Who was your hottest ex? lol I have 1

87) Do you want/have kids? Currently I don’t want to have them at all but we’ll see

88) Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you? No

89) Do you get easily distracted? Yes

90) Ass or titties? ASS

91) What is your favorite word? Beef

92) How do you feel about tattoos? They’re awesome. I need more

93) Do you have any pets? Didn’t you just ask this you cunt

94) How tall are you? 5′7 ½? Maybe 5′8 now

95) How old are you? 20

96) 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot? None lol I’m ugly fool

97) Is there anything you’re really passionate about? Music

98) Do you have trust issues? Not anymore

99) Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope

100) What are some words that you live by? Why? Just live your life to the fullest lol like idk when I’m going to die and I’ve accepted I can die by literally just going outside. I could get shot, hit by a car, etc. At work I could get robbed and shot. At home someone could break in and stab me. It’s going to happen eventually. Might as well make the most of it til it happens.