GOD I AM A SUCKER FOR THOSE TIKTOKS,
IMAGINE your F/O’s reaction when you’re still dating, and you call them your husband/wife/spouse 😭 imagine how giggly they might get, or how they only want to be called that the rest of the day, or if they’re more serious how they ask that you “address them as such moving forward”,
or mAYBE they stop you in your tracks. “Not yet, give me juuust a moment” and they get up just to go plan the wedding THAT VERY MOMENT-
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“Take my mind and take my pain…”
“Like an empty bottle takes the rain. And heal, heal, heal….” (“Heal” by Tom Odell)
Nighttime is my favourite time of the day. Being surrounded by this natural darkness and silence (not in the way, in which I have to “mute” the world all day long by shutting the blinds and wearing noise cancelling headphones to avoid being overstimulated) makes me feel…safe. Almost content.
In some nights, I’m even strong enough to leave my room, so I can sit outside on my balcony, enjoying a fresh breeze on my face. The world is silent, there’s no car on the streets and all I see, is the Moselle glistening in the moonlight in front of me. Finally feeling human again…
During the phases of my crashes, I can’t even step outside to my balcony. Sometimes I’m desperate enough to crawl outside, when my legs are refusing to do their goddamn job even with the help of my cane! In these moments, I’m glad to be alone…without any witnesses to my humiliation.
Last night was a lost night. I passed out…again. It scares me to hell that these moments are happening more often nowadays. All I know, is that I sat down on my bed…crying from exhaustion and pain. And hours later, when I’m coming back to consciousness, I’m still in the same sitting position. There are proofs in my room, that my children must have been here…proofs like a drawing lying next to me on my bed…a plushie sitting on my coffee table, watching over me. And I know that my kids will tell me, that I didn’t wake up…no matter what they tried to do.
Yesterday a friend of mine wanted to visit me in order to enjoy a cup of tea with me in the darkness of my room. I was so excited to see her…to have someone here for a little while…to feel less lonely for a moment. My body ached so badly and my exhaustion felt like a truck, who was parking on me…so I passed out whilst I was waiting for my friend to come over. When I came back to senses, there were several text messages and several calls from her. She was upset, that I didn’t hear the doorbell, both of my phones and her knocking on the door. So, after a while, she left…and all what’s left for me is a feeling of being a total failure…a pathetic shadow of myself.
There’s still no cure for ME/CFS…and no one knows, if there’d ever be one. All I can do, is trying different things, and yet…nothing helped me. With each new crash I’m falling deeper into the void of darkness and despair. Each new crash takes its toll on me…takes a piece of me away! I’m so afraid of losing myself completely!
When I commissioned my friend @sleepybradipo for this meaningful piece of art, I begged him to make the trust between Severus and Julia - but also their despair - palpable. They’re searching for a way to heal Jules…to cure her body and her soul. Maybe the answer lies in the Dark Arts…who knows? These lovers will try anything possible in order to save her…just like I wished to be saved.
Ivano, when I got the idea for this project, I just knew, that you would be the best artist to make my dream come true. Your tender style makes my heart swell with so much love and gratitude. I adore your work and the dedication to all these marvellous details in this artwork…it’s everything, I hoped to see, when I described my idea to you. Thank you for helping me to soothe my troubled heart and mind with your beautiful art and your kind words. I’m beyond grateful that I met you here, my friend. You’re truly a blessing to me. Thank you for everything. 🥹
Oh, and please take my apologies for this chaotically worded post. My disease seems to rob the next piece of me by stealing my ability to create vivid images with my phrases (I already mentioned that in my last post).
I’m sharing my nocturnal view with you. Feel free to enjoy the Moselle at night.
🖤Severus & Julia🖤
🖤Sevy & Jules🖤
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EMERGENCY COMMISSIONS
I hate doing this, I really wanted to save my commissions for a time in my life after I’d improved the quality of my art to a higher standard but my car is. um. Doing that thing cars do where they cost more than they’re worth. Trying to balance feeding my family and maintaining my ability to work.
Please reach out if you have any questions or if you’d like to see more samples of my work (messy line art + flat color, loose sketches, etc). At the moment I can only accept payments through Venmo and CashApp. Half the price of the commission will be paid up front, with the other half paid upon completion of the piece. I can’t accept NSFW and lack the skillset to draw furry/anthro.
I will draw fandom content and would love to draw your OCs.
If by some chance y’all want to commission a piece of writing instead (or even alongside of), I’d negotiate a price on that as well.
Even if you aren’t able to/don’t want to commission me, thanks for reading this far. I’m sorry to do this but I appreciate your time immensely.
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