relief | myg (m.)
pairing ⇢ yoongi x reader (hints of ot7)
genre/au ⇢ smut, fluff, idol!au, long time ??
summary ⇢ the nerves have been shaking Yoongi’s usual confidence while preparing for his first solo tour — what a relief that you’re here then.
wc & rating ⇢ 3k | 18+
warnings/content ⇢ dom/sub dynamics, grinding, protected sex, riding, emotional sex?, praise kink, groping, semi-clothed sex, size kink, breast play, temperature play, orgasm control, yoongi’s hands are everywhere help, aftercare, pillowtalk <3
a/n: it's been a year since yoong's tour kicked off so i wanna celebrate with this, along with my return here! never thought i'll do this cuz i don’t usually write nor read this au but he won again on the poll last year so here we are XD! this is mainly inspired by what i was feeling while watching the live stream of both his shows in the first city of his d-day tour! pretty divider by the amazing @cafekitsune <3
after the final song, you were just as surprised as the crowd around you. a faint chuckle leaves you at the way Yoongi ended his concert.
of course, you should've expected that he'll pull something like this.
“i’m so proud of you yoongs”
you greet him enthusiastically as soon as you spot him at the entrance of the hallways near his dressing room. he’s smiling so wide, reaching you at once with his airport-like walk like how he exited the stage quickly earlier.
you beam once he catches you, wrapping your arms around his shoulders despite how sweaty he is.
“it went well” he giggles lightly, caging you in his arms before grabbing your hand to bring you to the backstage area where you both can see the audience without being seen.
the gummy smile plastered on his face never wavered as he watches the fans dispersing outside and you have an inkling that it's reminding him of the world tours with the boys before.
“i told you it would” you whisper once he turns to you, leaning in to give him a peck but Yoongi’s hand reaches up to grab your neck, pulling you in to catch your lips once more and deepen the kiss.
a small whimper elicits from you, both from being needy and worry that any staff might see you both like this but Yoongi seems to not care. it must be the adrenaline and the whiskey combo he had during the concert cause his calloused hands start roaming your body.
a total opposite during soundcheck where he’s simply cuddling you while waiting during the delay that he almost fell asleep.
though Yoongi's performed in front of millions of people for a decade now, he still feels anxious since he’s doing this on his own and it’s been a long time since he met his fans in person. he was naturally nervous about this but you’ve been doing your best to support him so he's really grateful that you’re here.
teasing him earlier when he put those yellow sunglasses on while you rake your hand through his luscious locks thankfully helped ease his nerves.
"yeah yeah i saw the cat edit"
“you’re so cute”
.
a firm grab of your ass reminds you of where the two of you are, nudging Yoongi slightly to release you. both breathless from the kiss, he’s looking at you in bewilderment until you gestured him to the waiting staff who’s here to take his post-concert pictures.
“pics first”
he only answered with a pout after releasing you but he followed. you on the other hand couldn't look at the photographer as embarrassment floods you, immediately retreating to the dressing room to wait for Yoongi there.
grabbing another glass of Henny, you scroll through your phone for updates on what’s going on outside. you did sneak out earlier and lined up with fans to get some merch and talked to some of them because well, you are one of them.
loving the boys and their music is one thing you share in common.
.
after a while, the door opens, revealing a smiling Yoongi like he hadn’t been teasing you this whole time.
maybe that was part of his plan but you’ve been patiently waiting. it even came to the point where you can't wait to be all over him now that everything’s done for the night.
placing your empty glass of brandy on the small side table, you drop your phone on the couch before approaching Yoongi. he chuckles when you hastily drag him toward the couch before climbing on his lap.
he doesn’t mind really, knowing how needy you get after he performs like you were in the past. he might’ve unintentionally teased you like he does to everyone else but it's one of the things he loved about you.
how easily you get turned on in every little thing he and the others do but especially for this. knowing his voice can make you crumble instantly gives him that satisfaction that he didn’t know he had when he first met you.
“you’re worked up this much __?” he teases, hands situating themselves on both sides of your waist. “is it the black or white one?” he adds nonchalantly, pertaining to his outfits prior to the one he’s wearing right now.
“shut up, you know what your voice does to me” you whine impatiently, clutching the silver bone necklace around his neck before leaning in to kiss him again.
ah, the chain, another one that you love seeing on him. he'll always be fascinated with your favourites no matter how long you've been with them.
you deepened the kiss this time and Yoongi welcomed them with fervour. it’s his turn to get lost in the moment now that you’re needier than him. his ending fit riled you up this much that now you’re grinding yourself desperately on him but hey, he’s not complaining.
his hands smooth around your covered thighs after, lingering between the crease of your legs before he releases your lips.
“i’m surprised you’re wearing leggings, you hate it”
“it’s cold”
“explains the sweatshirt too” he muses, one hand tugging the baggy sleeve of your white tour sweatshirt with both his aliases on your chest.
his heart warms seeing it on you, the way you’re proudly wearing him even though this whole thing between you and them still remains a secret. his hands creep underneath your top, caressing your sides that hasten your roll against his crotch.
you lean in to kiss Yoongi once more but he grabs your sides, stopping you.
“want it off though” he whispers, the mischief in his eyes shifts to a demanding one.
his darkening orbs are looking straight into yours, making you squirm against him. you didn’t waste any time at once, taking off both your sweatshirt and your bra in a frenzy, much to Yoongi’s satisfaction.
you’d know with that cocky look resurfacing on his pretty face.
now that you’re bare in front of him, Yoongi can see your crotch rubbing along the top of his denim zippers. he could watch you like this, let you get off on your own until you cum like he’s done many times but he relents.
lately, he’s been so busy with the tour preparation that he missed seeing you this needy. he reaches down to cup your pussy, not surprised to find you drenched knowing how easy it is for you to get wet.
you squirm at his touch, trying to get more friction by rubbing your swollen clit on the buckle of his belt. he knows it's you silently wanting his fingers to help you get off but his hand abruptly leaves you.
frustration looms on your face, your lips turning into a frown but Yoongi grabs your body closer and instantly latches his mouth on your tits, earning a surprised shriek from you.
“yoongi!”
you didn’t mean to be loud but with how Yoong’s been licking your pebbled nipples and occasionally nibbling them, you’re starting to forget that there are still people outside the door who can hear you both.
one hand of yours takes a handful of his messy jet-black hair, pushing his face more into your chest. he groans and continues to nip around one tit while his other hand plays around your neglected breast.
kneading and pinching nonstop, you’re unable to hold in the whiny moans coming out of you as your other hand grips his shoulder. you’re relishing it, the rough feeling of callous fingers against your now-swollen nipples.
taking a glance down at Yoongi, you notice how wet he is. he's drenched in sweat but my fuck does he look even hotter when he does. his mouth releases your peppered breasts, opting to fondle your clothed pussy this time.
“don’t tell me you’ve been wet since the first song” he teases and you look away from his heated gaze. he got his answer when he felt your cunt twitch through your clothed core. rough pads of his fingers rub you faster, more of your slickness seeping through your leggings to his hands.
he was clad in all black earlier, one of your favourites so he wasn’t that surprised.
“yoongi..” you’re panting, almost begging him with the way you're gripping his hair and shoulders. you need him to do something, anything more than teasing at this point.
it surprises you when Yoongi grabs the empty glass of Henny that you put aside on the table earlier, taking the ice to his mouth and he’s back to assaulting your breasts. he rolls the ice cube with his tongue around your nipples, making you shiver at the cold and wet sensation.
you’re whimpering, legs shaking as the band on your lower abdomen threatens to snap with how Yoongi’s cold and wet fingertips fondling your core. the multiple stimulations are pushing you nearer to your orgasm. you’re not sure if he’s aware or not, if this was his plan all along.
“..oh fuck”
“hmm?”
“yoongi..i don’t.. wanna cum in this”
you cry, eyes mustering your neediest look towards him, hoping he’ll listen to your pleas. and Yoongi did, his hand leaving your drenched pussy and mouth releasing your breast. relief courses through you, smiling at him despite the uncomfy feeling of your leggings sticking to your core.
“of course, you don’t, always wanting to cream my cock”
he doesn’t say it in a mocking manner, the hint of adoration coming forward within his hooded eyes. you get off of him once his hands release you, quickly shimmying down your leggings while he unbuckles his baggy pants and boxers.
you didn’t miss him whipping out a condom from his front pocket, making you suspicious with your arms now crossed over your chest.
“and why-”
“you’re here and i did remember you love being fucked anywhere”
he answers right away and your face morphs in shame, arms sliding down to your elbows, revealing your breasts again to Yoongi.
you hate being paranoid like this though you know he’s always been prepared. and he’s right, you do love it when they fuck you anywhere they like whether it be on the venue, in their vans or in their hotel rooms.
it’s one of your favourites when you join them on tours before.
“yoon–..” you try but he beckons you closer and helps you back onto his lap, kissing you right away and ignoring your protests because he knew right away what you were gonna say.
“none of that hmm? lemme get you ready”
he took himself out and put on the condom already before his hands skitter around your inner thighs.
“no”
he quirks a brow at you, wanting to make sure if that's what you want. even though you’re stark naked figure’s been enticing him to just fuck it and ruin you like you’ve been begging for, he's been a pro at controlling himself to prepare you.
huffing before wrapping your hands around his neck, you squeeze his nape as an answer.
you just want him inside you and you don’t wanna wait anymore.
a smirk graces Yoongi's face at your impatience before helping your body up to grind on him again.
now rubbing your bare pussy against his dick, you enjoy watching him seethe with each friction. your hips circle until his swollen tip catches your entrance, pausing just to tease him. one of his hands scrambles to grip your hip and you chuckle before lifting yourself, grabbing his dick and lowering slowly.
“fuck,fuck,fuck”
you watch Yoongi close his eyes, a plethora of curses coming out from his mouth. you’re whimpering in return, pussy walls fluttering around him to try to accommodate his thick girth.
“big..fuck, yoongi” you cry, tears threatening to well in your eyes.
you love the feeling though and he knows it but Yoongi still tries to comfort you, roaming his veiny hands around your body till he reaches your breasts.
you start moving your hips slowly, planting your hands against his clothed chest as you try to take more of him. his hands fly on both sides of your waist, feline eyes also watching you while you’re slowly adjusting to him.
“more..” he grunts, prompting you to go faster as he tightens his grip on your waist. you try to roll your hips faster then deeper until you bottomed down.
pausing for a bit, you couldn’t help but lean in and whine against his clothed shoulder with how his cock’s filling you deliciously.
he has other plans though, releasing a deep groan after you unconsciously clenched around him. he starts fucking up to you, pouring all that adrenaline rush coursing through his bloodstream.
a loud moan escapes you when he finds that soft spot, causing you to pull back and again note the cocky smirk emerging on his handsome face.
“yoongi..fuck”
“shhhh”
he silences you with a finger on his puckered lips, hips bucking up to you faster while he repeatedly hits that spongy spot again.
you struggle but you wanna be good for him so you close your eyes and force yourself to keep your moans in. it results in you gasping instead, small whimpers still escaping you with how magnified everything feels.
“you listen really well baby” amusement laces Yoongi’s tone, eliciting deep moans after when you clamp around him with the praise. his groans spur you to ride him faster but you’re starting to feel the burn on your legs.
he must’ve felt you slowing down cause you found him grinning once you reopened your eyes. gritting your teeth, you dig your nails into Yoongi’s clothed shoulders and call his name in a whimper, biting your lip to hold back your release but his praise makes you crumble.
"yeah? come on __" he gauges you, kissing you at once to swallow the moans that you couldn’t keep in once you reach your peak.
he slows down his pace, letting you ride your own high as his mouth peppers your jaw then later your neck with kisses. his hands continue to caress your naked body until they reach down on your ass.
you let out a surprised yelp when he squeezes them hard, causing you to grip his damp hair once he starts fucking up to you again.
calling your name with a deep groan, you whimper by his ear in response as he chases his release. he’s relentless with his fucking, groping your ass nonstop until you feel him explode in the condom.
you do miss it when he fills you up but you both can’t risk anything while he’s still on tour.
“shit..” he chuckles after releasing you, pushing his hair back with a satisfied look on his face but it shortly disappears when he notices the small tears in your eyes.
“was i too rough?” he worries but you shake your head.
“you know i love it” you reply with a quick peck to his now perplexed face. he doesn’t say anything, waiting for you to continue.
“i just got emotional..you know”
a small smile of relief breaks into Yoongi’s face, stroking your naked back while you’re both coming down from your highs.
“i’m glad you’re here” he whispers, kissing your forehead. you don’t fucking know why you're suddenly emotional but it could be because of oxytocin flowing through you right now.
“the seesaw acoustic made me cry” you sniff, nuzzling Yoongi's clothed chest that’s a bit damp now, mixed with sweat and your tears but neither of you mind it.
“why? the lyrics still?”
he did remember you crying after hearing it for the first time years ago, the lyrics being the sole reason of it.
“it’s just.. i don’t know, it reminds me of when you guys were touring before” you admit, melancholy in your voice while you reminisce watching his solo performance during their last world tour as a group.
“thank you” he pauses, looking away from you. “for staying with us after all these years”. he takes your hand and plays with it as he says those words.
you adore this side of Yoongi and now you feel bad for doubting him earlier. meeting them years ago and staying this entire time meant a lot of hardships that you went through together with the rest of his members.
“i miss all of you together” you give Yoongi a quick peck on his heated cheeks before giggling, all the sadness gone at the sight of him blushing. he sits up right away and grabs your face to do the same on your lips before lifting your body off of him.
“you see each of them all the time more than i do, i’m jealous”
he gets up, pulling off the used rubber before picking up your clothes that he threw around earlier. he emerges in front of you after, wet wipes in his hand as he parts your sore legs.
“who knows, maybe me and Jimin will drop by”
he stops, letting out a snort and you raise a brow at him, mind suddenly alert to the possibility.
“he’s coming right?”
“idk babe” he’s got that teasing smile and you wanna cry.
“yoonggiiiii..”
“is this why you came here?”
“no”
you’re back to sulking because the boys won’t tell you anything either. it’s something they’ve all kept a secret cause even Jimin won’t budge earlier when you tried to get the answer from him during pillow talk.
however, Yoongi surprises you amidst your sulking when his head’s suddenly between your legs, licking up a stripe of your swollen folds, causing you to whine at the sensitivity.
he knows you’re tired so he stops your hand from grabbing his damp hair.
“later” he mutters, licking his glistened lips as he wipes your pussy.
you didn’t reply, still lying down on the couch while trying to put your bra, panties and leggings back on. getting up would be impossible so you wanna stay on the couch for a bit to cool down.
“i wanna surprise everyone okay? and you’re always on stan twitter”
he gives up, grinning at you with that adorable gummy smile before grabbing another glass of whiskey on the table.
then instead of wearing it back, you throw your merch shirt at him.
“YOU GET DEETS BECAUSE OF ME” you yell, earning a deep chuckle from Yoongi.
then he pulls out his phone and takes a picture of you, sending it to your group chat with a thumbs up caption. the others surprisingly replied immediately, with Jimin responding with a wink emoji.
oh they will pay for this.
e/n: it's been a long time lmao how are y'all? btw i wrote this during those two days and haven't opened it in almost a year now so 😂
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🎙️🌸┊ ༉‧₊˚✧ 𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐒 𝐒𝐎 𝐂𝐔𝐓𝐄, 𝐖𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐃 ‘𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐘 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑!
↳ hoo boys x popstar princess headcanons <3
characters in this thread : percy jackson, leo valdez, jason grace, frank zhang. ೃ࿔₊•
☀️ sunni’s notes : THIS IDEA HAS BEEN ENGRAVED IN MY MIND FOR FOREVA! and i finally get to write about it because my writer’s block is slowly goin’ away 🫶 (barely) i haven’t checked my notifs because i’m tryna do a semi-break right now!! but i wanted to post something for y’all >0< ANYWAYYY obvi it’s sabrina inspired because i love her i’m a true carpenter amen amen. GO STREAM ESPRESSO. happy reading bebis!! sunkisses, — sunni!
𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐲 𝐣𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬𝐨𝐧 ♪ ˖ *
୨୧ your biggest supporter!!!
୨୧ has all your merch. the cap? yeah, he’s got it. the shirt. got it. the stickers? jacket? don’t even need to ask him, he’s got it.
୨୧ obviously adores your singing voice, he makes you sing every chance he gets.
୨୧ percy knows how to play the guitar, both electric and acoustic so he usually makes appearances during your shows.
୨୧ YOUR FANBASE LOVES HIM?? like sometimes it seems like they love him more than you do.
୨୧ so many edits, like CRAZY amount of ship edits.
୨୧ he likes to take a peek on what your outfits look like, but you tell him it has to be a surprise!!
୨୧ if you succeed in hiding your fits, his jaw is dropped at the first sight of you on stage.
୨୧ knows all of your songs, plays them in the car, even when you tell him not to.
୨୧ “WHAT’S THIS?? ESPRESSO?? BY WHAT?? WHO’S THIS SINGER?”
୨୧ “oh shut it.”
୨୧ his favorite color’s blue, so sometimes you wear blue accessories on stage.
୨୧ almost signifying that you’re bringing a part of him on stage.
୨୧ you wear blue bows, bracelets, maybe a few rings.
୨୧ percy absolutely melts when you do, because he knows exactly that you’re thinking of him.
୨୧ you even have a seperate blue mic just for him.
୨୧ during tours, he gets busy with college so he can’t really come to every show, but he tries to watch it live even during lessons.
୨୧ “mr. jackson, if you don’t tuck your phone away i’ll make it a point to fail you.”
୨୧ “just mad you don’t have a popstar as a girlfriend.”
୨୧ “what was that?” — “nothing!”
୨୧ and he picks you up from the airport whenever you come back, every. single. time.
୨୧ co-wrote some songs with you, but likes to have you take the credit since you’re the singer anyway.
୨୧ songs include : “miss america & the heartbreak prince.” — “snooze.” — “somebody to you.” — “the only exception.” — “style.”
𝐥𝐞𝐨 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐳 ♪ ˖ *
୨୧ calls you ‘princesa’ and ‘mi párajo cantor’ A LOTTT.
୨୧ and it still makes you flush everytime.
୨୧ leo valdez is the type to how do you say this??
୨୧ totally forget that you’re the ‘princess popstar’ sometimes.
୨୧ there was one time you two were on a date,
୨୧ leo watching you eat then he just goes,
୨୧ “.. YOU’RE A POPSTAR!!”
୨୧ and he shakes your shoulders like the world’s gonna end.
୨୧ “leo! leo! amor! quiet down!”
୨୧ always making sure he goes to ALL YOUR SHOWS.
୨୧ if your guitar / or any instrument ever breaks, he’s already there fixing it for you before you could tell him.
୨୧ likes to plan out your outfits, and almost all the time, THEY EAAAT!!
୨୧ “miss popstar princess!! who styled you today??”
୨୧ “oh! my boyfriend!”
୨୧ too, loves your singing voice. or your voice in general, he’s so whipped when he hears you say his name.
୨୧ WHEN HIS NAME IS IN YOUR SONGS??
୨୧ he’s gonna marry you.
୨୧ he has a t-shirt and in black bold letters it just says, “I LOVE MY POPSTAR GF.”
୨୧ the crowd loves seeing leo in the crowd hanging with your fans.
୨୧ he’s not much of a singer, but he’ll dance his heart out amongst your fans.
୨୧ flying kisses, so many flying kisses.
୨୧ he also likes doing your hair, and again, THEY EAAAT!!
୨୧ makes you think of how much of an amazing girl dad he would be.
୨୧ “guys do you see how cute my hair is?! leo did it!!”
୨୧ you give them a lil twirl, and the crowd goes wild.
୨୧ immedietly peppers you with kisses after a show backstage.
୨୧ he makes all your jewelry for you, since he’s good with metal anyhoo.
୨୧ you have a polaroid of you and him stuck to the back of your guitar.
୨୧ he has a polaroid of you on stage on his drum set.
୨୧ oh yeah, did i mention he’s drummer?
୨୧ some songs of yours don’t usually have drums in them, but when they do, you know who to call!!
୨୧ this man is defo sleep deprived.
୨୧ “mami? can you sing me to sleep?”
୨୧ he falls asleep to your voice in a snap, his arms wrapped around your waist like a glove.
୨୧ songs include : “that boy is mine.” — “this love.” — “espresso.” — “ready or not.” — “lover.” — “our song.”
𝐣𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞 ♪ ˖ *
୨୧ jason loves the idea of you being a popstar!! but makes sure to let you know that even if you weren’t, he’d love you regardless.
୨୧ the man doesn’t dance, but he can sing pretty well.
୨୧ you’ll catch a glimpse of him humming and swaying to your songs in the crowd.
୨୧ OMG OMG. jason loves matching with you!!
୨୧ it’s sort of his way of saying ‘i love you and i’m here to support you all the way.’
୨୧ JSVAHGSBA
୨୧ sorry brain buffered there.
୨୧ his favorite outfits of you two were these blue and light purple coordinated oufits.
୨୧ the fans loved it. it was all over.
୨୧ you guys went trending a ton.
୨୧ #(name)andjason or your guys’ ship name on twitter went viral almost more than twenty times in the span of like— three months.
୨୧ jason doesn’t really care about the fame though.
୨୧ he still likes to go on those corny and normal fun dates with his girl.
୨୧ if the paparazzi comes to harass you, he genuinely but gently threatens them to leave you alone.
୨୧ can i just say,
୨୧ A GOD AT PHOTOGRAPHY.
୨୧ he knows all the good angles and poses.
୨୧ he’s your literal pocket camera.
୨୧ why hire a professional photographer when you had a boyfriend who can do it for you???
୨୧ “on your right baby— yeah, then turn there, that looks good.”
୨୧ “here jace? is my hair flat in the back?”
୨୧ “it’s never flat, you look great honey.”
୨୧ i just brain buffered again.
୨୧ OH OH!! jason plays the bass!! i think it would fit!
୨୧ he doesn’t like going on stage though, he’s super shy. and he has a hint of stage-fright on him.
୨୧ he’ll play some songs for you in private though! and you could hear some bass from him in a few of your songs.
୨୧ songs include : “daylight.” — “soulmate.” — “invisible string.” — “slut!” — “beautiful boy.” — “tattoed heart.”
𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐳𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠 ♪ ˖ *
୨୧ HE’S SUCH A SWEETHEARTTT.
୨୧ he’s your breath of fresh air when the fame gets too overwhelming.
୨୧ “hard day sweetie?”
୨୧ he gives you the best hugs when you come back from a shooting, a show, whichever.
୨୧ makes sure to stocks up all your snacks backstage for you.
୨୧ he got you a locket for your anniversary, and you wear it on stage.
୨୧ he smiles to himself everytime he catches a glimpse of it around your neck.
୨୧ what’s inside the locket you may ask??
୨୧ literally just him.
୨୧ and amen to that!
୨୧ just like jason, he likes to reassure you that even without the popstar thing— he loves you. body and soul.
୨୧ spoils you!! 100%!!
୨୧ he knows exactly what you want, your eye is caught by something while shopping, he’s hopping his ass inside that store to get it for you.
୨୧ makes the calls for you when you really can’t take it to go do popstar duties.
୨୧ and he makes sure your day off is the best ever, with snuggles and cocoa kisses.
୨୧ but during shows, he’s actually super chill!!
୨୧ except the part where he sings his heart out to every song, because he defo knows ALL YOUR SONGS.
୨୧ the fans are shocked sometimes, but they love him.
୨୧ he’s so friendly to your fans too!! during meet and greets he makes appearances, and he gives them the biggest hug ever.
୨୧ he also thanks them for supporting you, and it makes your heart melt.
୨୧ when you’re on stage, he makes the half of those finger hearts for you to complete— and of course you complete it!!
୨୧ songs include : “pov.” — “you are in love.” — “urs.” — “bewitched.” — “every summertime.” — “like the movies.”
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Does Heaven Even Know You’re Missing
Paring: Established Bucky X Fem!Reader (Sugar)
Summery: Just a snippet Sugar and Bucky. Steve is alive. Part of the Sugar AU. Inspired by a song of the same name by Nickelback
Warnings: Nightmares, comfort, fluff, no use of Y/N, Not beta'd all mistakes are my own
Word Count: ~1005
Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated! <3
Read Too Sweet here
Whimpering, you heard whimpering as you stirred awake which caused you to jolt upright and look around. Looking at your phone after you snatched it from the bedside table it read 4:03am. You felt him thrashing a little next to you and the whimpering got louder. Quickly you turned and leaned over him, he was squirming, there was a very evident sheen of sweat over his entire body.
He had been working on staying in bed for the whole night, it was proving to be a difficult task these last couple weeks. A difficult mission seemed to have rocked him in some way he refused to discuss with you. He didn’t want to scare you, but he was scaring you more by hiding it. He was a stubborn man, proud and terrified you would look at him differently if you knew everything going on in his tangled web of a mind.
He had told you once that the first time he stayed in bed all night was the first time you stayed over, he didn’t start in bed and end up on the floor in the living room like always. You brought peace to his soul, calmed his racing thoughts and soothed his worries. With you in his arms, he felt safe.
You quickly pulled the blanket down and off him so he wouldn’t feel confined, you touched the lamp stand, casting a dim amber light over you two. His eyelids were fluttering as his eyes moved frantically under them. You touched his cheek softly and stroked it gently.
The first time he had a nightmare in bed with you, was scary. You had to call Steve to help. Now you have a routine, you didn’t leave. His grip on your waist wouldn’t allow you to anyway.
“Bucky,” you cooed softly, “Bucky,” you stroked his cheek gently again and you felt his grip tighten momentarily on your waist. His fingers flexed and gripped the soft fabric of your night dress. He moved and turned over you, tucking his face into your neck and inhaling deeply.
One, two, three, four, five deep breaths later he collapsed on top of you. His weight was comforting and his intangible murmurs as he came too were almost relaxing. You gently stroked his hair and rubbed his shoulder.
“Just say you’ll stay and never go,” he mumbled into your ear, his hot breath fanning over your neck. “Never leave me here alone,” your heart broke at the desperation in his hoarse voice.
“I’m not going anywhere,” you murmured softly into his ear as you kissed his temple. “I’m here forever,” you hugged him tightly. He whimpered into your neck and shifted so you were tucked safely next to his large body, cradled into his chest.
“The day I finally felt alive,” he said, his voice trembling as he gripped your mid section tightly, holding you tightly to his chest. “Was the day you fell into my life,” he whispered into your hair, his hot breath fanning over your scalp.
“Bucky,” you said softly. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” he snuggled closer.
Sleep didn’t come easy again, every twitch of him against you made you wake up. Every deep breath made your breath hitch. You were afraid he was slipping again, back into his mind. You feared he was caging himself into his mind, screaming for help he wouldn’t dare ask for.
You felt hot tears well up in your eyes and your breath stuttered out as you tried to calm yourself. He was the one who was having nightmares, he was the one scared and here you were crying because of how it made you feel. You felt selfish. You cared so deeply about him, you fought so hard to make him realize you were there, forever. You weren’t going anywhere.
“Sugar,” his voice was coarse and thick with sleep. “Honey,” he cupped your tear streaked cheek and turned your face toward him adjusting so he was propped up on his arm. He peered down at you, his eyes swimming with so many emotions you couldn’t place just one. “What’s the matter?” He asked softly.
You brought your hand up and stroked his stubble covered cheek and let the tears come freely. “I’m worried about you,” you whimpered out. You hated how emotional you were, you were so quick to cry when emotions got high.
“Ssssh,” he pressed a firm kiss on your forehead. “I’m fine sweetheart, it was just a nightmare.” You took a few deep breaths and tried to compose yourself.
“It’s more than just a nightmare,” your voice was small, fragile. “You’re slipping again,” you didn’t want to sound like you were accusing him of anything. Something in his eyes broke, you were prepared for him to do what he would usually do, put a wall up and ignore it until it exploded out of the seams. His shuddering breath caught you off guard.
“I am. I’m sorry I tried to hide it,” he said softly, he was half lying on top of you, his big hands holding your head and stroking your face, his hot breath fanned over your face as he stared into your eyes. “I’m afraid you’ll leave. If you knew about the things I’ve had to do. The things I’ve done.” You went to speak, he shushed you again. “Not before. Now. The things I do on missions. I’m not sure I’m a soul you can save my sweet angel.”
“Bucky,” you placed your hand over his and slipped your fingers between his. “I’m not leaving. I promised you.”
“Heaven is going to come for you one day. When they realize you’re missing,” he murmured and rubbed his nose against yours.
“I traded an eternity to come and hide away with you,” you whispered back, relaxing under his weight as he settled.
“I’m never gonna give you back,” his voice was soft, and he pressed a gentle kiss on your lips. You were his sugar, his sweet angel, his everything.
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