#I’m not sure if I’m allowed to say something like this but I think about it a lot | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

namjooningera · 23 hours

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I'm unsure if your Request are open, deeply apologizing if I disturbed you.

: Need more yandere captivated stuff, like them constantly clinging to their sweet love, locking the bedroom door at night and only giving their captivated lover permission to leave the room only if they're awake. ♡

mwa, absolutely love your writing.

Their rules - Yandere JJK

Characters: Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Toji

AN: the boys’ rules for you, plus them being clingy. A bit of the past and background before they kidnapped u ;3

TW: starving, slight Stockholm syndrome, manipulative

Ahhhh yess requests are open thanks for asking!! (≧∇≦)b

Gojo-

Hes unbearable. His rules are short and simple, but the man himself is insufferable.

He clings onto you, legs around your thighs, head on your chest, while you lay in bed. You try to push him off, but the man is so much bigger than you. He doesn’t move an inch, it was like trying to move a brick wall.

You remember the first time he giddily told you the rules.

“Ok ok listen-“ he said in the middle of giggles, then straightened up his back to look serious but it was obvious he was still giddy.

“Hum.. No touching the stove when I’m around, No watching tv, that’s a reward not a privilege, you can earn watching it. No ignoring me, no sleeping without giving me a kiss or cuddles.”

He hums. “there isn’t much sweet thing…I just want you to be happy.” But his smile is sickly and you know there’s more to what he’s saying.

You know there’s unspoken rules he doesn’t say, like how you need to constantly keep him in a good mood.

When you were first taken by him, you rejected his every advance. Every time he wanted kisses or cuddles or even something simple, like for you to look at him. You said no, turned away, and slumped in bed.

At first he let it go. He was patient. He was just happy that you were there. That you couldn’t talk to others, look at others, and your attention would all be to him in no time.

But you refused this little charade, and you could see him slowly start to become more agitated. It’s when he stopped coming home to make you dinner (the dinner you barely ever touched anyway), and the way you felt like he was forgetting about you.

He’d always refill the things you ran out of. The bottle of water on your-his nightstand. The sanitary items and hygiene products you use. He’d always refill the pantry with all your favorite snacks and sweets.

But he stopped. And that got scary. Your mind was already in shambles, now you were thinking, what if he’s going to leave you for dead? Stop refilling, stop visiting, until you pass away in this locked hell.

Finally, he came home tonight. Around midnight. He never came that late before- it was always around 8 pm or 9 when he was really late, he always made sure to come home early enough to make you dinner.

You were starving, and you peeked from the hallway to see him stumble in, then throw himself on the sofa and then the tv on.

You weren’t really allowed to watch tv. You wonder if you could earn it. You watched him slump over, eyes heavy with a glare. He never really looked like this, honestly he always looked giddy and happy. Happy to come home to you. But now he just looked angry, upset, pissed. But it never seemed like it was to you.

He never showed you he hates you, he just stopped trying- stopped talking to you.

But why did that seem scarier than just straight up punishing you?

You slowly took a few steps out of your peeking spot, to be in his eyesight. Normally he’d be delighted, thinking you came to ask him for something or you wanted to talk, anything really. But this time he didn’t even look up from the tv. As if you weren’t there, as if he didn’t notice you.

That just added to your nervousness.

So you decided to do something incredibly stupid.

You hated his giddy happy side, but for some reason, you missed it know. At least before, the aura of the home stayed light and happy. Even if you weren’t happy. But now, the tension is fucking palpable. It’s heavy, and disgusting. You feel scared to even walk a few steps that’s how heavy the air feels right now.

Slowly you walk over to him. He doesn’t budge. His arms are spread at the top of the sofa as his body slumps back onto the sofa. His legs are up on the coffee table, eyes directed solely to the tv.

You sit next to him carefully. Slowly, you start to scoot over to him, slowly. So that his arm over the sofa would carefully be put over you.

Finally you scooted close enough that your thighs touched, and that your head slightly leaned onto his shoulder.

You were scared he’d hit you, scream at you, hurt you. He’d never done that before but what was stopping him from doing it now? Yes he was gonna hurt you for being stubborn for ignoring him, he’s gonna-

“I missed you.” He said with a sigh, eyes tired that bore into you, his voice was almost shaky, it was obvious he wasn’t feeling well. The arm laying on the top of the couch fell onto your shoulders, pulling you in. Cradling your body.

“You hungry?”

Yes, fuck yes. You’ve barely eaten in the last few days, solely relying on your pantry of snacks and sweets alone to quench your hungry, since he stopped making meals for you.

You nodded quickly and he smiled softly and ruffled your hair.

“Alright- too tired to cook. Let’s just order in ok?”

You nod immediately, digging yourself in more into his body. He smiles at this. You know you shouldn’t be touching him, listening to his dumb rules and letting him control you like this.

But you couldn’t help it. Things were just so much easier when he was happy. You got to eat, watch tv, and sure, you hated touching him, but he was just so warm.

That’s why, fast forward to now, you let him cling onto you in bed. Whining bout his day and how he doesn’t have enough time with you. How if he could just open your rib cage and snuggle inside, stay warm and with you forever he would. You think he’s crazy, weird, gross, but you don’t comment on it. You let him think your okay with all this, you let him nibble on your collarbone and let him whisper how he’s never gonna let you go, how your his for life and how he loves you like none before.

He’s warm. You notice. You notice his heartbeat, his breath on your collarbone, his eyes full of hearts and swelling with love. The way he huffs every time you slightly move away.

“H-hey umm I need to use the toilet can you move-“

“Can I come?”

Oh god.

Geto-

His rules were unknown honestly. He didn’t outright say any, he wanted you to think you had freedom. Like you weren’t being held hostage in his home. As if you were just his lover living with him. Like you had free rein.

As if he didn’t lock the bedroom door every night, thinking you were fast asleep. Like he didn’t keep track of every time you used the restroom, the shower, did your skincare and ate. As if he didn’t have those times and dates and stamps of every time you did so, so he could keep track of every little thing you did.

He wanted you to be happy and free in your home, he called it. After it all, he built it on all your necessities, all the things you use and like, so it is your home. It was made for you.

But there are the unspoken rules.

He hates when you get up from bed in the night, to go use the restroom. He wakes up in a jump, eyes wide and exploring the room, his hands roughly shoving the blankets off the bed to see your not there.

He panics. And he knows he shouldn’t. There are alarms everywhere, he has a tracker on you, he knows when you leave and when you stay and where you are at all times. He gets up quickly however, feet scampering to the bathroom door where he knocks on it slightly, asking you to come out.

He’s always been an okay-amount of clingy. But he panics a lot. He doesn’t show it- but he does. He thinks you’ll leave, you’ll die- or something. Maybe someone else will snatch you- a “monkey” or some curse. He’s seen the real world he knows how dangerous the average person can be so could you imagine blood thirsty curses? Ready to swipe your small body at any second and have you for a second dinner?

He’d never let that happen.

And he wants you to reassure him. He won’t ask for it but he needs it. Desperately. Tell him you won’t leave, you won’t die, that your safe- that he’s safe. That you’ll be together forever.

But you don’t. Because you hate him.

You use to, when you two were actually friends- no, best friends. You’d tell him all the time that he was safe with you, that your his best friend and you’d make sure that the both of you live a long and healthy life- together.

And that’s what stayed in his mind. Why’d you break your promise? Why’d you have to stop telling him these sweet things? Is it not true anymore? Are we not safe? Are you gonna leave- be taken away? Don’t leave.

He wakes from a bitter nightmare that same night. A treacherous feeling crawling his spine, panic in his eyes and his body thrashing. He looks at you. His sweet Angel. You could never do him wrong. But he needs your comfort, your reassurance.

“Angel? Angel wake up, please.”

You refused to, ignoring his please. The truth is, his panicking in his sleep woke you long ago, but you didn’t want to wake him up from his little nightmare. You perhaps wanted him to suffer just a little longer.

“Angel? P-please just..”

You rolled your eyes, body facing away from him on your side, still faking your sleep. He could deal with this on his own. You know one of his huge rules was to comfort him and nurse him like you used to- one of his unspoken rules. You know this because just a day after he kidnapped you, he came home with what he called “monkey blood” all over him.

He wanted you to clean him. Tell him to stop calling humans monkeys. He wanted you to bring him back, to keep him from the evil that plastered his mind. Because you were the only one who kept him a clear head, that kept him sane and on earth. Otherwise, who knows what he’d be now?

That day, when you didn’t comfort him, the day after he kidnapped you, he became desperate. Begging you almost, but then he stopped. Like a cloud of indifference and anger covered his eyes and he grabbed you by the arm, pulling you into a closet and locking you in.

You screamed, yelled, begged him to let you out. You went through all stages of grief basically, angrily screaming, then begging, tearing up, then calming down and crawling into a little ball in the corner of the closet. It was dark, cold, miserable. Dust got in your hair and eyes, you tried to dust it away with your hands but you felt so dirty. You just hoped he’d let you out soon.

He only left you for an hour or two- you don’t really remember. He didn’t wanna be too harsh on your first punishment. He still loved you after all, you were just being a brat. But then he dragged you out and sat you down at the dinner table. He acted like nothing was wrong, smiling at you and picking up a spoon of the food he made. He put it to your mouth, trying to feed you. You shook and trembled. You knew you couldn’t say no, or who knows how long he’d keep you in that damn closet? At least you’re free now right? You ate the food off his spoon, and let him feed you for the rest of dinner.

He was so incredibly happy that you were obeying him so early in the “relationship”, that he didn’t put you back into the closet, but instead let you watch tv. Of course, not without him sitting under the couch, while you sat on the sofa with your legs dangling on his shoulders, brushing his hair and braiding it like you did when you two were best friends. Before things changed.

“Angel please, I need you.” He almost whimpered.

You sighed, and got up, turning your body to him. “What was the dream bout this time?”

He’s always had nightmares, about different things. When you were best friends, he refrained from telling you them. Just wanted you to tell him it was okay, he just wanted to hear your voice and be lulled back to sleep.

Now he won’t shut up about them. Shameless, you think.

“Oh Angel.” He pulls you into his chest, a very much unwanted hug, one hand on your head and the other wrapped around your waist, he pulls the covers back on top of the both of you.

“It was terrible. You were hurt, my dear. Don’t you see why I have to keep you? You hurt- that would destroy me, my love.”

His words disgust you, but what really disgusts you is the way you know he isn’t lying. You can hear the genuine concern in his voice, that he genuinely thinks this is helping you, not just for his own selfish desire.

“Oh Angel, if you left- I wouldn’t know what to do.”

And that scares you. That scares you because he knows damn well you can’t leave. The cameras, the security, the alarms and the tracker. The way he tightly holds you as if your going to disappear into thin air. The way your almost out of oxygen with the tight hold, your chest and ribs being smushed against his. You could feel his heart beat, you could feel it trying to pounce out his rib cage.

“I won’t leave.”

What you meant to say is that you can’t leave, there’s no way for you to anyway, but you glance up at him and see that what you said was the right thing to say, a smile adoring his lips as he kissed your head softly.

“My sweet Angel. You always know what to say.”

Or you just know what he wants to hear.

Nanami-

Nanami had so many rules, regulations, all these things you had to remember.

“You need to ask me permission for certain things. Entertainment is a privilege you’ll be rewarded with. I have books and art supplies you’ll be using before screen time. Healthy snacks only- with the exception of dessert after dinner. You don’t get dessert if you’re being bad.”

He sits on the coffee table in front of you, wearing his work clothes, a nice suit and some goggles in his hands. You sit on the sofa in front of him, arms crossed in your chest out of anger but you listen anyway.

“The better you are the more freedom you have, my dear. I’d never want to take away the things that make you happy, but I can’t stop myself if your being bad. I want you in bed by midnight, or you sleep when I do. If I’m late from work and can’t make dinner I’ll send some- you’re not allowed in the kitchen until you get the privilege of it. You have a pantry full of snacks and healthy foods, and a water dispenser until I can come home and make dinner. I will make breakfast every morning.”

His damn rules and regulations go on forever, but at least you know what will make him upset and what won’t.

“Once you can prove your a good girl/boy, I’ll provide you with more electronics for your own entertainment, but screen time will be limited. I expect you to keep up with your hygiene and get enough sleep, eat well and continue your hobbies. I’d like you to greet me in the morning before I leave and at night when I come home- obviously this rule varies on the circumstances of the day.”

You sigh, further sinking into the sofa as he talks you down further.

“In the future, I expect goodbye kisses and greetings. If you ever need anything you just need to ask me. If you’re thinking on picking up a new hobby, you want new clothes, different snacks- I expect you to tell me. And lastly, you are never allowed to go to sleep angry. I know this situation isn’t ideal, but I never want to argue before bed, and sleep angry with each other. We need to hash things out everytime, I don’t think it’s fair to each other, otherwise.”

You just nod, half the things going over your head but you know you should agree.

“Alright I’ll be home early today, okay? Goodbye my dear.” He gets up and stands near the door, waiting.

You look up at him from the sofa, then realize what he’s waiting for.

“Just leave.” You say upset, curling up into the sofa. He frowns, but leaves anyway, waving goodbye.

He had just kidnapped you. What was it the second day? He abducted you last night. Let you in on all the fun rules today.

Great.

Honestly, you’re still freaking out in your head a bit about all this. At first you thought it was some curse disguised as him, but you could sense his cursed energy was all him. No trickery, no fakes, it was him. He fought so hard but you were no match for him.

You definitely could have been, and that makes you laugh. You really could have. But he’s been watching you since high school. Watching your techniques, your moves, the way your body sways in fight and the way you dodge. The way you attack, everything. You’ve fought him plenty of times to train and for fun. You never thought- you never once thought he’d use it against you.

That he memorized your every move, adapted, the way he knew exactly what way you’d fight back, what way you’d dodge what way you’d try and escape.

How could he?

You were so upset, so betrayed. It hurt so much. You curled into yourself, upset, thinking bout the way he basically took advantage of you as friends. You thought you were fighting beside him, were you really just fighting him all along?

That day he came home, and saw you laid out on the couch, dried tears on your cute pink cheeks, your body curled to protect yourself, fast asleep.

He smiles at you, but it’s a soft sentimental one, one that has a hint of sadness.

He didn’t want to hurt you. Genuinely. But he couldn’t help it. Every year, being thrown into a friendzone, every year his obsession for you grew, he wanted you as his wife not best friend, every year he saw himself grow older- and was scared. What if he grew too old to get married? To have a family? Each year you showed the same care you should your friends, nothing grew into sweet love for him, and that scared him. In high school, he waited. Hoping that you’d mature and grow to love him. He stayed by your side hoping he wouldn’t have to do anything drastic.

But the time passes anyway.

And you didn’t seem to change.

And he carries you to your bed, their bed. The bed you share. When he places you down he caresses your head and hair, you kick him away in your sleep and that hurts him so deeply. He locks the door, sits on your bed and watches you. He had to do this. Don’t you see?

The way you would smile at him, laugh with him, love his seriousness and fight beside him. He loved that all about you. You two were meant for more then a measly friendship right?

He pulls you to him in your sleep, cuddling your unconscious body, snuggling his face into your nape and softly pecking your collarbone. He smiles at the way you whine in your sleep, trying to push him away and stop being smothered.

But he loves to smother you- he won’t stop. He lays almost on top of you, head in your nape, as he softly caressed your waist and hips, pecking your collarbone, smiling dazedly, almost drunk, off the cute sleeping sounds that leave your mouth, the breaths that leave your nose, the soft heaving of your chest.

He loves how domestic this is. His wife/hubby, his adorable lover and partner. His equal and forever. He believes that you two have always been together, that you’ve always cared for him as much as he cared for you- you just don’t realize it.

He eyes become heavy. Being in your arms (not that you were trying to keep him there), reminds him how relaxed he feels in them, that they make him drowsy and almost high off the feeling. His body almost slumps over, un-tensing. He had a long day of work. It was nice to come home to his loved one, to be in your arms, to be held and to hold.

If he could stay like this forever, the time not continuing, just you and him in a warp of space where time doesn’t exist, where you could be one. Where he could cherish you and spoil you forever and ever- reliving the lovely memories from when you were young.

A smile softly sets on his face as he falls asleep snuggled to you, he thinks, that he doesn’t need to live in the past. You two can make new memories, better ones. Memories, where you actually love him, not just as a friend, but as a lover.

His lover.

Toji-

He didn’t really have rules for you. He didn’t care too much about physical affection, sure he liked the average kiss on the cheek before he left to assassin some idiot. He wanted your attention obviously, but he didn’t mind you being a brat and never giving it to him.

“Alright I’m going to work.” He’s waiting for you. He’s waiting for you to run up to him and kiss his cheeks, tell him you love him, at least wish him goodbye. He felt desperate. Sad. He wanted you to just- why are you being so bratty?

“I’m going to work.”

He’s at the door, hand on the handle. You’re sitting on the couch. He lets you watch tv, sometimes he’s happy when you accidentally come across the news channel and see all the disgusting shit on the news, all those disgusting heinous crimes. Maybe someday you’ll see those and understand. Know that he did this all for you, it’s all for your own good. As cliche as that sounds.

“Im going-“ “Ok I get it!” You basically yelled.

He seemed startled. That’s when he starts to wonder if he was giving you too much freedom. You yelled at him. How could you? You want him gone, you want him to leave.

Alright he’ll give you what you want.

That day he came home, and cleared out the pantries and locked up the fridge. He left the next morning, telling you he had some mission that’ll last a few days. You just shrugged at him like normal, pretty happy you’d get a break from him.

But you didn’t realize his plan. His stupid crazy fucking smart plan. You opened the pantry. Nothing, just a few things you can’t really eat. Like a half full jar of peanut butter, uncooked pasta, some can of tuna. You opened the other drawers and cabinets. Condiments only basically. Salts and spices. But where was the food? Ok, it’s fine. You’ll cook something, grab some things in the fridge- wait what? Why was there.. a lock? Why’s it locked? It was never locked- oh. He did this. This is your punishment.

No, you’ll take it. If he wants to be an ass- you’ll just be even pettier and go with it. Then he’ll know not to test you right? He’ll essentially get worried that your not eating, then go buy more food and unlock the fridge.

Boom. Great plan right? Wrong.

Your stomach growled. It was what, the third day in to not eating? You thought you had more resistance then that- that you could hold back for longer. But no, your stomach was in pain and you felt yourself growing weaker.

You felt yourself getting desperate.

You decided to emergency call Toji. He had one attached to the security, where you could only call him, if ever an emergency while he wasn’t home.

You went up to the little screen on the wall next to the door, an iPad connected to all the security, well only he could access that part. What you could access, is the emergency call. But before you pressed the button to call you stopped yourself. Fuck you were hungry, but you couldn’t give in. Plus you knew he was angry. He wouldn’t just give in.

You needed to sweeten him up. You knew that he won’t just give in if you ask for food.

You slightly press the button, hearing it ring for a second before he picked ul and answered.

“What?”

Normally, he’d be asking if your okay, if you needed him, what’s the emergency. You know, all that. When he was actually worried. You gulped.

“O-oh! Yeah I called because I umm.. I miss you?” Yeah, not so convincing.

“Yeah, doll?”

“..yeah. When you coming home?”

“I don’t know.”

… He’d never answer like that before. He was being so dry? What was his plan? But then, the hunger, the dizziness, the weakness in your bones- you started to overthink. You started to think that perhaps he wasn’t coming home. He was going to leave you forever in this locked cage, alone, to die. And then you thought, what if his mission is going bad? And that’s why he isn’t being clear? What if he really doesn’t know when he’s coming home because where he is, is so dangerous he isn’t sure if he even will come home?

But if he dies, you die. If he dies, you die. If he dies you die if he dies you-

“TOJI please! Please please come home I can’t- I can’t be here alone anymore- I need you. Please Toji don’t die-“

“Die? Doll? What’s wrong?”

You start to sniffle, thinking about your own death. Thinking about different ways you’d die out, and all leads to one- alone. You didn’t wanna starve to death alone. You couldn’t.

“P-please? Come home? Miss you..” the genuine upsetness in your voice seriously surprised him.

“Ok doll. I think I can get home by tonight ok?”

“Toji?” You ask softly, sniffling.

“Yeah doll?”

“I feel so sick.” You whine, clearing your throat.

It’s like you could feel him smile from the other end. “Alright doll, don’t worry, m’ coming home soon. I’ll bring you some things on my way back. Kay?”

You nod, even though you know he can’t see you nod, he chuckled over the line as if he did.

This time, when he comes home, grocery bags in hand, you run up to him to greet him. Never like you used to.

It’s funny, you almost jumped on the man, you almost hugged him, you stopped yourself before you could, your mind reminding you that he’s your captor. That you hate him, that he tricked you and he’s evil and- oh but he’s so warm. You haven’t felt physical affection for so long. And he’s just so big like a cuddly bear. And you just- you can’t have him leave again okay? This isn’t fault. You’re not about to hug him because you want to, okay? It’s just.. you don’t want him to starve you again ok? Really it’s not because you.. you think he’s so cuddly. You think he’s so warm and inviting. And you could smell the food wafting from the bags he held- did he buy takeout? Oh my god- and from your favorite fucking place-

You softly put your hands around his waist, head on his chest, just holding him gently, scared that perhaps that wasn’t him but some figment of your imagination.

“Oh sweeeheart, you missed me that much, hm?”

You just nod, feeling disgusted but oh so satisfied. You don’t wanna look at him, you know you’ll be met with some smug smirk, that smirk showing that he knows he won, that now, you won’t exactly take him for granted.

“I brought take out cmon.”

Tehe I’d let them take me 😋 anyway, thank you sm for the ask! Requests are open yall! Also feel free to give me commentary! I don’t rlly write so 😭

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tarotphlow · 1 day

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Astro Observations 9

A return to normalcy

🎒Planets in the 7H can indicate the kind of partner you may have, example, having Mercury in the 7H may mean you have a witty partner!

🎒I’ve noticed that when there’s mercury 8H synastry with someone, it’s hard for to be open, it almost feels like something is keeping you quiet

🎒having your south node conjunct your ascendant can indicate having a hawt body🥵, I think this is because south node is a body without a head so there’s emphasis on physicality to a native that has this specific configuration

🎒that being said if you have the south node conjunction ascendant you could be a little clueless in life, you’d do well to get a therapist or a support system of some kind!

🎒if you have Saturn in the 6H you could have fears of picking up new habits and or hobbies, allow yourself to have fun with whatever you do, don’t be too hard on yourself and make baby steps in getting over your fears!

🎒 Did you know boredom is related to the 2H? Spend some time analyzing your 2H to see how to alleviate some of your boringgg boreeddddnesss

🎒you should be careful if your Martian dominant, I’ve noticed that people around you will likely try and control you or use you in some way shape or form, I’m not too keen on why this is cause Mars the planet is literally like dominant, but I feel it’s because of all of the raw power these natives have rocking in their system that people would want to use them for their own personal gain

🎒study your Mercury placement more if you want to understand how your charisma works, Mercury is related to things like conversation and communication skills, this is imperative to know when you want to impress!

🎒as someone who has experienced 12H synastry I want you to know that this is incredibly intense and mature energy to work with, one of the ways that a connection can fall apart is by doing nothing. If you do not make the effort to communicate intentions or talk about your feelings it’s a sure fire way to fall into a fog of confusion or uncertainty.

🎒8H synastry is also very mature and heavy energy, I’d say when you’re in a relationship like this be deliberate with your actions and make a point to explain yourself, 8H deals with mystery and vulnerability, relationships with this will do well by just explaining themselves not in a nagging way but rather in a caring way.

🎒while on relationships I just want to say I love earth venus placements for being so touchy and sweet, it kinda makes sense that one of these natives’ love language is physical touch but I just wanted to say that !

End of observations! It’s been a longgggg while since last I’ve made a post like this, I’ve been busy with life and trying to figure out things for myself, still haven’t found the answers I’m looking for but at least I’m getting closer to the answer I want yk?

Likes and reposts are appreciated 🩵

#astrology #astro community #astro observations #astro placements #astro notes #asteroid

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coco-loco-nut · 3 days

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Choices - Part Two

pairing: multiple

key: orange - pato | blue - logan | green- no one

lmk who you chose/your fave ending in the comments 🕺✨

masterlist part one

—————

Choice One: Pato

Logan knows as soon as you hesitate.

“You need to go. I can’t be the one who stops you from being with your soulmate,” Logan pushes down the bitter feelings inside.

“Lo, I’m so sorry,” you hold back the sobs as tears prick in your eyes.

“Don’t be, I would want someone to do the same if I was in your shoes. I’ll be okay,” he silently accepts his fate as you hug him.

“You are a great man, Logan Sargeant. I hope that you find the right girl for you,” you hate that you are rushing to leave, but it would be more awkward if you didn’t. You both need to protect yourselves in the moment, making for an awkward environment.

“Thank you for being a great girlfriend while it lasted, minus today,” he laughs awkwardly.

“Don’t be a stranger, yeah? I need my fellow American,” you smile and he nods.

“Enjoy San Antonio,” Logan closes the hotel room door behind you, quickly texting Oscar about the situation.

You feel awful, but that feeling disappears when you see Pato in the lobby waiting for you.

“Hi,” you whisper under your breath as you stand in front of him. Pato looks at you with a huge grin.

“Hi,” he replies, grabbing your bags and loading them into his car. Everything feels natural, like you were transported back in time, before you left Indycar.

His family welcomes you with open arms, happy to see you again. Pato shows you to the guest room, promising that you’ll talk about everything in the morning.

You lay in the bed, staring at the ceiling and out the window, unable to fall asleep. With a small huff, you get out of bed. Sliding on slippers and padding down the hall, you knock softly on Pato’s bedroom door. He opens it and the two of you don’t speak for a second. He looks incredibly good, messy hair, shirtless, and shorts hanging low. He feels the same way about you, hair slightly messy, large t-shirt hanging over your shorts.

“Can’t sleep?” he asks, opening to door wider.

“No, I uh, I don’t even know why I am here,” you take a small step back, unsure of why you even came to his room in the first place.

“Because you love cuddles when you can’t fall asleep. I know you, princesa,” Pato steps aside and you allow yourself to enter his room. The room is virtually unchanged from the last time you were in it, even if you and Pato have.

“This doesn’t mean anything,” you say, laying on the other side of the bed from Pato. He wraps an arm around you, pulling you into him, before looping a finger under the chain around your neck, pulling it out from under your shirt.

“Sure, amorcito, then why have you been wearing my ring since you left?” Pato says, lips brushing against your ear. You hate the way you can’t think, body alight everywhere he touches.

“Pato,” you whine, moving closer to him.

“We will talk about it tomorrow, go to sleep,” he whispers, seemingly not as affected as you are. He is, but he isn’t stupid enough to try something when you just broke up with Logan.

You allow yourself to settle in his warmth, an old comfort that helps you fall asleep. Pato squeezes you tightly, happy to have you in his arms again, a perfect fit against him.

In the morning, Pato takes you out to his favorite coffee shop. You both need to hash out everything between you, starting from just before the proposal. You spend hours in the cafe discussing everything, both doing your best to keep an open mind.

“So, where does this leave us?” you ask Pato, looking in his chocolate brown eyes.

“I’d really like it if you were to be mine again. We are going to have to relearn each other, and it isn’t going to be easy with us working in separate racing series, but I want to fight for us,” Pato reaches across the table to hold you hand.

“I want that too. I don’t think I can lie and say that thing haven’t felt natural and right when I’ve been with you,” his smile grows with each word.

“Someday soon, I’ll have to replace your necklace, because that ring will be around your finger, like it always should’ve been,” Pato rubs his thumb over your ring finger, picturing the ring on it.

“Easy there, we’re basically starting from scratch,” you smile, turning your hand so you can hold his.

“We’re gonna make it this time, I just know it,” Pato declares, making your heart flutter.

The first year together isn’t smooth. It is full of a lot of late night video calls and Pato flying out to you when there was an opportunity. You gave him the necklace after the Mexican Grand Prix.

After that things got easier, Oscar made the tough decision to take a better contract with a different team. You, Lando, and Oscar spent time on the couch with ice cream coping with that. Pato was signed to replace Oscar, and while you were thrilled, you were going to miss one of your first friends from the team.

“There is one last gift I want to give you,” Pato says, handing you a small rectangular box from across the table. You were celebrating your birthday at a fancy restaurant in London.

“You didn’t have to, babe. This dinner is enough,” a small blush tinges your cheeks as you take the box and open it. There is a beautiful necklace with your birthstone beside Pato’s birthstone, but underneath it is your engagement ring.

“We don’t have to start planning a wedding now, but will you say yes to marrying me this time?” Pato asks looking at you hopefully.

“Yes, of course I will,” you say, a little choked up.

“It is just how I imagined it,” Pato beams as he takes the ring out of the box and slides it on your ring finger.

“Me too. I never wore it as a ring before this moment,” you admit, admiring the way it fits just right.

“I can’t wait to start this new chapter in our lives,” Pato squeezes your hand, nothing but love in his eyes.

“It will be wonderful, because we will be together, forever.”

Choice Two: Logan

“Lo, I want that more than you know, but I have to go. I need the closure, but you are the one I want,” you run your hand through his blonde locks as he swallows the lump in his throat.

“You deserve that, and I trust you,” Logan pushes down the weird feeling in his stomach.

“Thank you. I don’t deserve that trust, not after hiding what I did,” you don’t realize the tears forming in your eyes until Logan wipes them away.

“We all make mistakes, and yeah it was pretty fucked up, but I understand why you did it. I’m not happy about it, but I can’t keep you from getting closure that you need,” Logan admits, you snuggle closer to him, holding him tight.

“I love you, Lo.” you whisper, not expecting a response.

“I love you too,”

“What if, uh, what if I go to Fort Lauderdale tomorrow. I’ll get my closure, then come to you,” you propose, looking up at your boyfriend.

“It’s up to you, but I would be more than happy if you were to do that. I’ll buy your flights,” Logan tells you and you squeeze him.

“Okay. I have to go, but I’m going to text you as much as possible,” you promise, trying to reassure him.

“I’ll walk you downstairs,” Logan drags himself out of bed, a rare feat seeing as how he loves rotting in bed post-races. You sling your backpack over your shoulder as Logan drags your suitcase behind him. He notices you wearing one of his shirts, his logo subtlety placed on the sleeve.

“Thanks Lo, I’ll see you tomorrow,” you place your hand over his on the handle as you stand in the lobby.

“Travel safe, sweetie,” Logan kisses you softly, trying not to delay you further.

Pato watches from his car, feeling like he’s been stabbed in the gut. You do seem happy, and he’s starting to feel like a home wrecker.

“Hi Pato,” you greet him, your voice soft as he helps load your suitcase into the back.

“Hi, amorcito,” Pato greets back, causing you to cringe a little.

“Pato, I can’t stay through tomorrow. I can’t do that to Logan,” you say, looking at the person you used to call home. The one who feels like a stranger and it scares you a little.

“I was scared of that, but I understand. You -we- deserve closure,” Pato’s grip on the steering wheel tightens. The car ride is filled with awkward small talk, trying to break the tension. In your pocket is the necklace that you stashed in your backpack.

Pato’s family greets you with open arms, making you feel guilty about what you are going to do. Pato leads you to the backyard, to the spot you would sneak out to and watch the stars.

“I should start. I really did love you, and if McLaren’s deal hadn’t been what it was, I would’ve said yes. If I wasn’t scared about the future, I probably would’ve said yes even though it would be long distance,” you say, fingers running through the cool grass.

“I feel a but coming,” Pato says as you grab the necklace.

“I’m with Logan now, and I love him. All of us deserve better than being stuck in the past,” you pull out the necklace. “I wore this every day since then, and you deserve to have it back. I can’t move on when there is a piece of your heart with me,” you fight the tears as you hand it to Pato.

“I wore a hair tie you left in my car around my wrist every day too. Even though I’m heartbroken over your choice, I’m happy that you are happy,” Pato gently inspects the necklace. The ‘P’ beside the ring pulls on his heartstrings.

“Thank you, that means everything to me,” you lean over and hug him. He slides the hair tie off his wrist and puts it on yours. You look at Pato, both of you unable to hold back the tears. He pulls you into a tight hug as you both allow yourselves to cry.

The past year changed the both of you, you aren’t the same people that left the relationship. It’s time to move on, however painful it may be.

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper, choked up.

“I am too,” Pato rubs your back.

You spend the night, after awkwardly explaining to his family what happened. They are surprisingly supportive, saying that you will always be welcome should you and Pato remain friends. You tell them that when he makes it to Formula One, you will be his biggest supporter.

Pato takes you to the airport in the morning, making sure to stop on the way there for coffee and a pastry. He even gets out of the car to help get your suitcase from the back.

“I hope that he is the one for you,” Pato kisses your cheek as you give him a quick hug.

“Thank you, Pato. I’ll see you in Mexico,” you tell him before dragging your suitcase behind you.

“Lo!” you practically jump into your boyfriends arms.

“How was San Antonio?” Logan asks, grabbing your suitcase. Pato would’ve made you drag it to the car, Logan wouldn’t let you even think of that.

“It was okay, it feels nice having the closure. I’m just happy to be here. We never really got to have our post-race nap,” you smile. Logan takes hold of your hand, walking a little faster out of the airport.

When you get to his family home, he drags you straight to his childhood bedroom. You notice how tired he looks.

“How much sleep did you get last night?” you ask, sliding off your shoes.

“Not enough. The only reason I could sleep was because of your texts updating me,” Logan admits, pulling you into bed with him. You feel your heart flutter and your chest tighten, like a blushing schoolgirl.

“Well, we can’t have a sleepy driver, can we?” you snuggle in closer to him. Logan relaxes at the feeling of your body weight on him, and it doesn’t take long for both of you to fall asleep.

When you get Mexico, things feel changed for the better.

“What happened?” Lando asks you over coffee.

“Logan and I decided to make it work. He asked me to stay behind and not go with Pato, and I found a compromise so I could get closure. Things didn’t feel the same when I was with Pato, it felt like we both wanted the versions of ourselves from before, but we changed. I’m not ready to give up on my relationship with Logan,” you shrug, a small smile playing on your lips.

“He is wearing your necklace now. It has your initial beside his and the stones were removed from the ring and put on the chain,” Lando says, trying to describe what Pato did with the ring.

“If that’s what he feels he needs to do, that’s on him, Lando. He said that he wants me to be happy, and I want the same for him. Hopefully we can be friends eventually, but I think he needs more time to heal,” you say, standing up to go to a meeting. Lando nods, staying seated as he mulls over your words.

“I’m glad you are happy. Oscar wouldn’t lead you astray,” Lando says from behind you, giving you one last thought.

It took a lot of work between you and Logan, both of you making an effort to be open and honest with each other. You celebrated the small milestones, like making it through winter break together, him signing a contract, and every month.

It was clear the two of you were making a conscious effort to stay together, and it worked out. After two years of being together, you move in to his place, and another year later you are engaged. It isn’t easy -nothing ever is- but you are it for each other. Sometimes finding your soulmate isn’t as easy as books make it seem.

“I love you so much,” you turn your head to look at Logan. He leans down to press a kiss to your lips.

“I’m so glad that I chose to stay, you’re my soulmate, Lo,” you tell him. The party around you seems to not exist as you look at him. Your wedding reception is amazing, but this moment between you is perfect.

Choice Three: Neither, you don’t need a man to be happy

“I can’t, Logan. I don’t even want to go with Pato anymore,” you say, pulling away from Logan.

“What do you want?” he asks softly, as confused as you are.

“I don’t know, but what I do know is that I can’t hurt you anymore,” you move to your bags, packing the couple things you have left out.

“Y/n,” Logan pleas, sitting up and getting out of bed.

“Lo, please. I’m not right for you. I feel like I’m in relationships with two different people. I never got closure from Pato, and I am dating you. And you deserve so much better than what I can give you. You deserve someone who can support you from your garage every weekend, and not have a company contract between you. I really do like you, and I hope we can be friends after this,” you zip up your bag before Logan pulls you into a hug.

“You deserve better too. You deserve someone who isn’t a driver and can make you the time you deserve. I want to be friends with you, because you are a great friend,” Logan says. “Do what you need to do, and let me know if I can help. I think we both knew we were meant to be friends,” Logan steels himself as you walk to the door.

“Thank you, Lo. I might need a little time, but when I’m ready, we are finding an American bar and getting shitfaced,” you say, taking a deep breath and leaving the hotel room. It feels like cold water splashed you, like you’ve been thrown into the deep end.

You walk through the hotel lobby, to the other side where Lando and Oscar’s rooms are. You notice Pato’s suitcase and backpack beside him as he checks out. You slip the necklace with the ring into the backpack before heading to Lando’s room.

“Y/n? I thought you were going with Pato?” Lando asks as you stand in the doorway of his hotel room. You shake your head, tears in your eyes.

“I couldn’t do it, Lan,” you hold back a sob as he ushers you inside.

“I’ll text Osc to come over and order hot chocolate from room service,” Lando says, closing the door behind him. You sit on one of the unused queen beds. “Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Lando rubs your back as Oscar rushes in, holding a cup carrier.

“I intercepted the room service, who do I need to fight?” Oscar asks, setting the carrier down and passing out the cups.

“Me, I am an awful person,” you sniffle.

“Y/n, it can’t be that bad,” Lando says, giving Oscar a wary side eye.

“I broke up with Logan and I ditched Pato,” you admit and Oscar instantly feels torn. You know you just put him in an awkward position. “I’m really sorry Osc, but if I stayed with him, he would’ve been hurt more,” your eyes plead with the driver who has become your friend.

“It’s okay, I’ll talk to him later. You are both my friend and you are clearly distressed,” Oscar pushes down the initial bad reaction.

“So what are you going to do about Mexico? Pato is going to be traveling with the team for the rest of the season,” Lando asks and you shut your eyes.

“After Mexico there are four races. I’ll lay low and keep my head down. I also need to find a new job,” you say, Lando and Oscar look at each wide eyed.

“What? Just because you broke up with Logan doesn’t mean you need to leave McLaren,” Lando stutters, shocked at your decision.

“Lando, you don’t get it. I’ll be done with my program in two weeks, and there is nothing keeping me here other than you guys. I don’t know if you noticed, but I have been pretty miserable,” you say, mulling things over in your head.

“I’ll set up a meeting with Zak. There’s gotta be something we can do for you,” Oscar says and you shake your head.

“I can’t do the driver facing jobs anymore. I love you guys, but I just can’t. I miss focusing solely on the car,” you reply, sipping the hot chocolate.

Oscar leaves a few minutes later to go to his best friend and comfort him. He hates seeing you and Logan hurting, but Oscar knows it’s what both of you needed in the long run.

You travel with Lando, keeping to yourself and your unit. Oscar does manage to get you a one-on-one with Zak.

“Is there anything we can do for you to stay? We can send you back to Indycar, or maybe to Formula E? What about more pay?” Zak asks, pulling at straws to get you to stay as you discuss your resignation.

“I’m sorry Zak, but I have to move on. Papaya will forever be in my blood, and I am incredibly grateful for everything the team has done for me,” you shake your head.

“I appreciate that, and I appreciate all the work you’ve put into making the team successful. Based on what we discussed, I might be able to help you find another job. Let me talk to some people. If we have to lose you, I want you to land on your feet, and you will always be welcome back,” Zak says, standing from is chair. You follow his motions and shake his hand.

“Thank you, Zak. I will obviously respect all of the NDAs and team secrets. I hope that one day I will rejoin McLaren,” you thank him before stepping out.

A couple of weeks later, you land the job at Ferrari, focusing on car development and advancements. The best part is that it is located in the factory headquarters and you won’t be required to travel with the team to every grand prix. Zak wasn’t lying about wanting to help you, and you weren’t lying about your integrity.

The one time you were required to go to a GP was Imola, but that was due to the close nature of the race. You are walking through the paddock, Ferrari red helping you blend in, when you hear your name called out.

“Y/n!” Lando’s voice is unmistakable.

“Lan?” your eyebrow is furrowed as you look ahead. he pushes past some people to get to you.

“I missed you,” Lando pulls you into a hug. You don’t waste time hugging him back. “It’s been so long,” he pouts.

“Yeah, I’ve been in Italy,” you chuckle.

“Come get lunch with me,” Lando demands, you don’t have much to do today, so you take him up on the offer. Lando pulls you into McLaren hospitality and leads you to where Oscar and Logan seated.

“Y/n?!” Oscar gasps, quickly standing up to hug you.

“No offense, but Ferrari red is not your color,” Logan grins, staying seated.

“I know. But the job is perfect for me,” you smile back, taking a seat.

“No drivers?” Logan asks, the two of you talk a lot, your friendship in a good place. You are taking him to the Indy 500.

“No drivers. I get to do what I love without you guys distracting me,” you tease.

“You seem a lot happier. Don’t forget about us when you are surrounded by beautiful cars,” Lando grins, handing you a plate of food.

“I’m sorry, I was so busy during the winter,”

“Don’t even worry about it. It seems like you needed that time to settle in and work on yourself. That’s what matters, plus, we know that it’s a busy time of year for you,” Oscar reassures you.

“So, any secrets you can share about the Ferrari car next year so we can beat them?” Logan asks, leaning in conspiratorially.

“Nope, just like how I didn’t share McLaren’s secrets, I’m not sharing Ferrari’s,” you shut the joke down.

“Lando! Are you coming golfing on Monday? Oh, who is this?” Carlos turns to you, trying to figure out why you are wearing Ferrari team gear.

“I’m Y/n, an engineer for Ferrari. I help work on car development,” you extend your hand.

“A pleasure to meet you, you are the person i can complain to about issues,” he jokes.

“Unfortunately, I cannot fix strategy,” you reply with a small smile.

“She got you there,” Logan laughs.

“Logan, you drive for Williams, and she’s making fun of her own team,” Oscar says, leaning closer to his friend.

“I need to go. Let’s plan something soon,” you stand up and turn to Logan. “See you soon for Indy,” you say, waving goodbye.

“Indy?” Lando quirks his eyebrow.

“Arrow McLaren invited her and a guest. We are visiting our families while there,” Logan explains.

“Do you think Pato asked them to invite her?” Oscar asks, Lando shrugs as Carlos takes your abandoned seat.

“Pato? What is the whole deal with her?” Carlos asks, eager for the gossip.

“She’s our friend who came to McLaren from Indycar, Logan’s ex, and she was almost engaged to McLaren’s reserve driver, Pato. She seems like she’s thriving at Ferrari though, and she’s definitely not dating another driver, Carlos,” Lando sums your story up.

“And you are still friends with her?” Carlos looks at the blonde American.

“I mean, yeah. We took some time for ourselves, but it’s nice to have a friend who is also American and knows F1 well,” Logan brushes it off.

Logan meets you at the airport, he paid for the flights since you got the tickets for the 500. You are surprised at how natural your friendship feels now that the stress of a romantic relationship is over. The week passes quickly and soon enough the two of you are at the track, waiting for the 6:30 am cannon fire. You both make your way inside to start drinking, and a couple hours later you head to the paddock.

“Are you okay?” Logan asks, sensing your apprehension.

“I didn’t really think about having to see him again,” you admit, Logan leads you to the side of the path.

“We can leave, we don’t have to visit Arrow McLaren,” he offers.

“No, that would be rude. I’ll just be a big girl and deal with it,” Logan gives you a look that says he doesn’t believe you, but you are his friend so he decides to trust you.

“Alright, lead the way,” he sighs, walking closely behind you.

Pato notices you as soon as you walk into the paddock, of course he does, he knew you’d show up if invited. He wasn’t expecting Logan to be with you though. He stays with Alexander Rossi, biding his time to approach you. Pato knew you weren’t in the McLaren employee database anymore, and he needed to invite you here so he knew you were okay and figure out why you never showed up.

You are immediately greeted by some engineers that you used to work with.

“This is my friend Logan, he drives in F1 and is also American,” you introduce Logan who stands closely beside you.

“Weird way to introduce me,” Logan gives you an amused look and you introduce the few engineers near you to him.

“Want to see what’s new?” they offer, leading you to Pato’s car. You eagerly accept, your old Arrow McLaren gear helping you and Logan blend in.

“So, how is being a McLaren F1 engineer?” the one ask as you look closely at the car.

“It was fine, but I didn’t like the traveling too much so I left. I work for Ferrari now,” you say, leaving out some details.

“How did you meet Y/n?” the engineer asks Logan who happily watches you nerd out.

“My best friend, Oscar, drives for McLaren. He thought that he should introduce us, we’ve been friends since,” it is an unspoken rule between the two of you to not bring up the relationship.

“And Pato is okay with it?” the engineer asks yet another question, you brush off the bit of irritation in you since you haven’t kept close contact with the team here.

“I broke up with Pato when I left here,” your eyebrows furrow.

“We assumed you were still together, which is why he was mopey when you left and why he invited you,” the engineer says and you turn to Logan.

“He wanted to see if you would bring me, that way he would know if we were still together,” Logan realizes, speaking so only you could hear him.

“This is a mess,” you groan.

“Pato sent the passes? We assumed it was the team as a whole,” Logan says, letting you collect your thoughts.

“Admiring my car?” Pato approaches your little group, unable to stay away any longer.

“More like figuring out how the car changed since I left,” you hum, looking at some of the smaller details. The car is enough to distract you from the tense awkwardness.

“I see you brought a friend,” Pato swallows the lump in his throat.

“I’m Logan, I got close with Y/n before she moved to Ferrari, we met through Oscar. I drive for Williams, but Oscar and I are very close,” Logan extends his hand to Pato who shakes it, both of them pretending they don’t know who the other is.

“Nice to meet you. You never said you moved to Ferrari,” Pato turns to you again, he can feel your ring burning his skin as you fight the urge to sink in a hole and die.

“It was a spur of the moment kind of thing. I got the offer and took it,” you stutter.

“Can I steal you for a moment?” Pato senses your discomfort. He doesn’t miss the hesitant look you share with Logan before following Pato to a quiet spot nearby.

“I-“ you start to speak, not sure what to say, but Pato cuts you off.

“Why didn’t you come with me to San Antonio? Why did you bring Logan here with you? God, Y/n, you confuse me more and more,” Pato run his hands through his hair, stressed. You take a careful step forward, resting a hand on his shoulder.

“I was scared, Patricio. You appeared in a moment that was one of the lose confusing times of my life. My relationship with Logan was deteriorating, I was unhappy with my career, and then you showed up. You showed up, Pato,” you take a deep, shaky breath as Pato’s eyes meet yours. “You wanted a version of me that I no longer was, and I couldn’t do that to you, so I hid. I resigned from my job, I broke up with Logan, and I quit talking to most people. It was only after winter break that I began to feel myself again. And Pato, I’ve hurt you more than I ever should have, you deserve so much better than that,” your voice cracks.

“You could’ve talked to me about it, I still love you and I always will love you. Even the new version of you,” Pato says and you feel the frustration grow in you.

“Patricio O’Ward, listen to me! I am happy. Happier than I’ve been in a while, and you need to understand that. You aren’t Logan, we can’t just be friends after spending time apart. Maybe you are that one true love, but I am happy with my life right now. You aren’t going to leave Indycar and move to Maranello, and I’m not quitting my job for you. It’s time for you to move on,” you say firmly, needing to stop Pato’s begging.

“I’m sorry. I guess I’m not as ready to let go. I’ll take you back,” he says after a few seconds, processing your words. You talk with the engineers as Pato stands beside Logan.

“Take care of her for me. I know she’s a strong woman, but not all of us are lucky enough to remain friends with her after dating her,” Pato says, watching you with a longing look.

“She never needed a man, and she doesn’t now. Y/n is going to do amazing things,” Logan looks at you with a particular fondness, one that admires his friend being nerdy about engineering.

Logan is right, and as you advance in your career, you attend more races, but you don’t feel as out of place. You secretly helped Logan improve his driving from an engineering perspective, and you watched as Pato replaced Oscar when Oscar went to another team.

You chose your career over men, and you were better off for it, you are happier and more confident in yourself than you ever have been.

#f1 imagines #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #logan sargeant #logan sargeant imagine #logan sargeant x reader #pato o’ward imagine #pato o’ward x reader #pato o’ward #lando norris #oscar piastri

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pinecipitation · 1 day

Note

Hiii could you possibly do like..smiling friends with a reader that’s on their period headcanons?

I GOT U BRUH TRUST ‼️

SMILING FRIENDS X GN!READER (with fem aligned anatomy, if you bleed then this you shall read‼️

word count: around 500

content warning: nothing I think

credit to @kryloxen for the what size joke in charlies bc they’re the funniest bitch I know

PIM: prioritizes treats and food

- he’s got sisters, he knows a thing or two because he’s seen a thing or two

- will be very understanding and empathetic, out of anyone he’d be the nicest

- would probably know ur week is coming before YOU know, and is prepared as usual

- I’m a huge candidate of baker pim, I believe he’d bake sweets and remake your favorite desserts just so you always have a sweet treat around

- he has enough knowledge on products to be able to pick up stuff in stores for you, but if he has to talk to an employee he’d stutter and blush a little, but my god he’s getting u ur damn tampons

- again, super into sweets and treats, will come back from the store with bags of anything you want and crave, he’s a very sweet boy

CHARLIE: prioritizes comfort and warmth

- “ayo i’m at the pad aisle what size pussy you wear?” hurry up he’s getting weird stares

- you’re always more than welcome to wear his oversized clothes and hoodies, he actually subliminally encourages you to but seeing you lounge around in his stuff makes him feel like he’s helping

- heated blankets, multiple blankets and pillows, hoodies, HIM even, everything about charlie’s home and charlie himself is warm, cuddly, and comfortable

- will ask a thousand times a day if you’re cold, if you’re hot, if you’re lying about not being hot, and is often on standby with either a warm drink or a cold glass

- always overuses the same “wings? wtf is it gonna take off” joke on pads

- jokes around too much to a point where it almost aggravates you, but at the end of the day, if he sees you start to get annoyed he will always offer himself as a cuddle buddy and offer couch time and a movie

ALAN: prioritizes peace and meds

- medicine cabinet stock full of any pain or sleep pills always, you’ve never had to make him go to the store at 11pm for anything

- like pim, will also know your week is coming sooner than you do

- always has meals and hydration prepared for you, is extremely into making sure you get every vitamin and protein your body needs in these trying times. like seriously he has a full water bottle that he needs you to finish daily

- is not afraid to yell at his upstairs neighbors to shut up, or a kid on the street to stop screaming. he values you and would rather die than overstimulate you even indirectly

- will always draw nice baths and include your favorite scents, again I see him as a huge hygiene person so trust he’s got that bath and body works set of whatever smell u smelled once and liked

- loves quiet time where you both are near each other but just sit on your phones respectively or watch a show on low volume in the background of something else. it’s like allowing yourself to do what you want, but still be near the other person

GLEP: prioritizes za

- would say ew and then offer you weed

#smiling friends #alan smiling friends #smiling friends charlie #smiling friends pim #smiling friends headcanons #smiling friends glep #smiling friends x reader #pride month #lgbt pride #trans pride #adult swim

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saphronethaleph · 3 days

Text

I'd Have Two Credits

The field was silent, and Mara Jade Skywalker was almost invisible.

She would have been completely invisible, hidden in the long grass, but her red hair was sort of a giveaway… still, it was close enough.

Then she shifted slightly, and fired her blaster rifle.

The skeet she was shooting only appeared after she’d pulled the trigger, and skeet and blaster bolt converged before vanishing in an explosion.

“Not bad,” Kyle said. “What does Luke think about this kind of thing, by the way?”

“Shouldn’t you have asked that before agreeing to help?” Mara replied, firing again. A second target flew across the range and exploded, and Mara smirked slightly.

She was sure her husband wouldn’t have a problem, not really. He’d grown up a farmboy using a blaster to protect himself, after all.

“Aunt Mara?”

“Safing the range,” Mara declared, flicking the safety onto her rifle.

“Confirmed,” Kyle agreed, from inside the bunker, and Mara rolled over onto her back.

“Hey there, Young Ben,” she added, smiling up at Ben Solo. “What brings you out here?”

The teenaged trainee Jedi looked serious.

“Aunt Mara, I’ve got a problem,” he said. “I… don’t know who to ask, but… can you help?”

Mara picked up her comlink.

“This sounds private, Kyle,” she said. “Sorry.”

“Copy that,” Kyle agreed. “I’ve got some training of my own to do, anyway.”

Mara flicked the switch off, and sat up.

“Okay,” she said. “What’s the problem?”

“I’ve got… suspicions,” Ben answered. “I feel like people are keeping something from me.”

“Yeah, probably,” Mara agreed.

Ben blinked.

“Huh?” he asked.

“You don’t know everything about my past,” she pointed out. “That’s because some of it is private. You don’t know everything about Kyle’s past, either. I don’t know if Kyle knows everything about his own father’s past… but what you’re actually saying is that you think people are keeping something important from you. Is that right?”

Ben nodded agreement.

“It’s something to do with me,” he said. “It’s when… Uncle Luke is talking about me. When my parents are talking about me.”

Mara frowned, thinking.

“I do know what it is,” she said. “And I also know why you haven’t been told yet, Ben… and it might have been a mistake, but here’s why you haven’t been told.”

She patted the grass next to her, and after a moment Ben sat.

They looked out together towards the skies of Ossus, and the Jedi Temple some kilometres away.

“It’s because they don’t want to put too much pressure on you,” she said. “There are some things which are too much strain to comfortably put on a child… and I say that as someone who had too much strain put on them as a child.”

“You turned out all right,” Ben muttered, almost accusingly.

“Eventually,” Mara conceded. “Eventually. But it took a long time, kid, and it’s an ongoing process too. I still wake up sweating in the night, because of the person I used to be… because of the weight that was put on me, by someone who wanted me to be a tool. Rather than to grow up as a child.”

“I still don’t think it’s fair,” Ben said. “I’m old enough to know.”

“Maybe you are,” Mara allowed. “But maybe you aren’t – and once you know something, you can’t unlearn it. Your family is keeping this from you, but it’s out of love… and Luke didn’t take it well when he learned something similar, and he was over twenty at that point. So it’s partly about making sure you learn in the right way.”

She shrugged. “But, hey. I’ll keep a close eye on you, and see if I come to a different opinion, okay? You are my favourite nephew.”

“I’m your only nephew,” Ben objected.

“Makes it an easy choice, doesn’t it?” Mara asked. “Doesn’t make it wrong, though.”

They sat in companionable silence for another minute or so, and an insect buzzed past with wings that droned deeply and resonantly.

“You’d never know there’d been a supernova blast hit this place thousands of years ago,” Mara said, then saw Ben’s expression.

“Aunt Mara,” the teen began, sounding like he wasn’t quite sure if he should ask. “What should I do if I hear… voices?”

“Voices how?” Mara asked.

“Talking to me,” Ben answered. “Suggesting things. Telling me things.”

“Well, in my experience, a voice in your head is usually Emperor Palpatine,” Mara told him. “Persistent bugger, too. Took five years after he died to finally get rid of that voice… but, fortunately for you, Ben, I’ve got experience in how to deal with that kind of voice.”

Ben didn’t say anything, but his expression looked relieved.

“If it’s about something horrible happening,” Mara began. “Like, an injury, or hurting yourself, you just think… yeah, that would suck. And then you keep going. If it’s telling you to do something, you think… do I actually want to do that? Will I still want it later?”

“And if it’s telling you something?” Ben checked.

“Then… best thing you can do is ask someone about if it’s true,” Mara replied. “But, you know, Ben… if a voice in your head tells you something that’s true, something you didn’t know, you know what that means?”

“...no?” Ben replied, frowning.

“It means you have every reason to think there’s an actual person, trying to manipulate you,” Mara said, her voice suddenly firm and her eyes very much like her maiden name. “And if it turns out that someone is trying to manipulate my nephew, I would very much like to know about it so I can ask them to stop. With a lightsaber.”

Ben was silent for about fifteen seconds.

“Is my grandfather Darth Vader?” he asked.

Mara promptly stood up.

“Right,” she said, and flicked the comlink on. “Kyle!”

There was a crash sound.

“What?” Kyle asked, sounding distracted. “I was getting the skeet shooter into position for testing my defence, and dropped it!”

“Never mind that now,” Mara replied. “Contact your friend Jan, we’ve got a force-user to track down and kill.”

“Right, right, on it,” Kyle replied.

That done, Mara crouched down again.

“Yes,” she said. “I wish you didn’t have to find out this way. Like I said, Luke didn’t take it well and he was over twenty at the time…”

#mara jade skywalker #kyle katarn #ben solo #Extremely useful advice

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judesmoonbeauty · 17 hours

Text

Jude's True Vow Wedding Event - A Dissection ☾.

Yes, I realize that I am extremely biased, but after a few days, and re-reading his CE story from BW: A True Vow For The Jet-Black bride, I thought it'd be fun to pick everything apart and dive deeper into his qualities, (And I'm talking more than just "He doesn't like the mistreatment of women"). It's quite lengthy, but I hope you all like it. Under the cut due to spoilers about Ellis' route as well. And these are just my personal notes and thoughts, you don't have to agree, but please don't gripe about it.

Jude: In a week, no attendees, ‘n I bought a few dresses, so pick whatever ya like.

At first glance, you might think he’s being a rich jerk, but let’s break it down.

Thoughtful & Protective: Jude went out of his way to buy a number of dresses for Kate to choose from, and I love him for it. He could’ve just bought one based on his personal preferences and said, “Here, we’re getting hitched, wear this.” But, he didn’t do that, he let her have options. Obviously, he didn’t allow her to go to a boutique to have one custom-fitted, no doubt because people know who she is, and it runs risk of her getting hurt. Still, even ready-made dresses can be altered by Crown staff (which I’m sure is what happened.)

What it boils down to is this: Jude was protecting his bride, and yet he still still allowed her the experience of looking over different dresses, and no doubt trying them on just as she would’ve done at a boutique for a more normal wedding. Also, he’s a very busy guy, and not just with roughing people up over collections, his trading company - Raven - is extremely successful with several branches expanding, so the fact that he took the time to even do this for her is endearing. He gave his beloved the bridal experience she deserves.

Jude’s eyes widened when he saw me. Jude: Suits ya.

This is just because. I just love that Jude is Jude, and this is his way of saying she’s beautiful, and I gush over it.

Jude: You’re goin’ to hell, too. (There is a SEPARATE thesis on this line that I am compiling.)

Considerate & Yielding: “Considerate? The heck are you saying Ciele? How’s that the case?” Before I explain, let me just say that I laughed so hard at this sentence because it’s soooo Jude, and no one (at least I hope no one), says that to the love of their life while they are at the altar. So I can see why people might hate for him for saying that, especially if you know nothing about this guy. Some of you do and still dislike him and that’s okay, but the reason why I say he’s being considerate is because from the very beginning, he’s hated the fact that Kate was literally dragged into Crown, when she did nothing wrong. Kate herself says in this story, that out of all the Crown members he was the one who worked so hard to have her return to her normal life. Here are some reasons:

She’s innocent. She doesn’t deserve to die.

We’ve seen in his POV events such as his first Black Wedding event, and his 1st Anniversary event, that he finds it unthinkable that someone like her would be with him (the total opposite of his wickedness).

From his POV of his 1st Anniversary SE Premium Ending: (I know. The most disgusting person is the one who thinks it's okay to be with her.) Throughout the entire story, he is trying to send her home, and he uses underhanded methods to do it, but by the end of the story, he’s captivated by the determined look in her eyes, and he’s absolutely disgusted with the fact that he’s starting to think it’s okay for her to be with him.

When I thought of it, I personally feel like Jude is reminding her that if she chooses to marry him, (Or perhaps because she does something in his route that could be considered condemnable), she’ll fall to hell with him. Which is ironic seeing that they’re getting married in a church knowing that (separate thesis later).

Either way, Kate mentions that he says this with a complicated expression, and I think it’s clearly because he is still uncomfortable with her (some one whom he considers to be clean), staying with someone like him. Still, he apparently loves her so much for her determination, that he is willing to accept someone who’s willing to go to hell with him, whether that’s a figurative hell or literal one.

Jude: ……Heard ya told Ellis ya wanted a weddin’ ceremony.

Attentive: Well, yeah. He’s attentive by nature as a businessman, but I love that he channels this into his lover as well. You can be attentive to your work and neglect your mate’s wants and needs, so 10/10 hubby material here. It’s also kind of cute in a way that he dodges Kate’s question about how he found out about that. Either Ellis blabbed (which is totally feasible), or Jude overheard the conversation himself, and our information junkie no doubt has his ways of getting that information easily.

Now, we don’t know how much time passed from the time Jude heard that bit of info, to them actually marrying, but he put every thing together fluidly and he thought of everything. Her dress, the venue, security, the attendees (or lack of), and the time it’d take place - he arranged it all on his own and surprised her with a wedding. That’s a lot of work all on it’s own on top his personal work, Crown missions, and his hobbies. Kate didn’t have to lift a finger. Sign me up.

Jude: I can’t have a normal life, and I can’t have the married life you’re thinkin’ of. If ya wanna turn back - do it now.

Straightforward: We all know that he doesn’t have a problem voicing his thoughts or opinions, and it’s not beneath him to withhold information, or to skirt around an issue. However, by now he is very clear about what he can’t give her. They will never have a normal life together and he can’t give her that white picket fence marriage most dream of, and I respect him for that. He isn’t going to entice her to enter into this marriage contract with empty promises of a future they will never enjoy.

Fair: For lack of a better word, I feel that he is very fair. Take this moment of him and her alone in the church as he presents her with a contract. He’s offering her a fair chance to leave him before she signs her life away to him, and more than that, Jude dignifies Kate by allowing her the choice to run from him one last time (assumptive), prior to signing the marriage contract. He doesn’t force her to stay with him, and was even prepared to offer her time to think it over. To be honest, I expect to seem something in his route, so this is his last effort to let her leave because he will never let her go afterwards.

And he’s always been fair, even when dealing with trash on his missions, instead of killing them off, he gives them the chance to keep their lives through rigorous labor. Now, we all know they are either sent to the coal mine or the lab for presumed human experimentation, but Jude actually values human life. He doesn’t kill unless he really needs to, or if the person is deemed completely worthless, so while it’s not the best end for the person who enters into a slavery contract with him, it’s the fact that he has the minimal amount of human decency to offer them options.

The marriage vows themselves.

Cautious, Faithful, Communicative, Wise & Romantic: Their mutual vows are as follows: 1. I have no objection to this marriage. 2. Infidelity is strictly prohibited. 3. Regarding money transfers, a separate contract will be prepared and a mutual agreement will be reached.

I promise to make this hell we share together a life filled with happiness.

I think it’s all kind of self-explanatory, but I can see how some might roll their eyes at the fact that he’d make her sign their marriage vows with financial stipulations, but this is Jude and he always has a reason behind his actions. I’m confident in that he’s not only doing this to protect himself, but her as well. Look, let’s be real, when we get married we are combining households and we are also taking on another person’s debt so to speak…..what I mean is, if my credit is clean, but my spouses is not, it limits a lot of options for us. Also, exchanging money and sharing expenses can cause a LOT of problems if you don’t discuss these things prior to getting married. He is wise to exercise caution (especially since he’s gathering as much money as he can to attain a certain goal that is yet to be disclosed), and Jude will never allow his wife to lack in anything materially.

He takes fidelity very seriously and I’m sure this has to do with something from his past (perhaps not he himself, but the consequences he witnessed because of those actions…..perhaps he was a consequence himself (?)). Any man who vows to be faithful to me and makes good on that promise, is TOP tier to me - as a divorcee of a spouse who was unfaithful to me- this means a LOT to me. And the fact that not only she is agreeable to the marriage, but he is too is HUGE. Jude views marriage, or love on the whole, as a curse. He’s come a loonnnng way, and I can’t wait for his route to be announced to see what exactly is the catalyst that motivates him to change.

Further, his promise to make their crazy, hell-like life one of happiness, along with all the other things he did just to make this wedding happen, is the cherry on top. It’s like the crescendo of his romantic side. And yes, I fully believe that Jude is a romantic, this event alone convinces me of that. Kate had told him in the event that he made her dreams that she’d told Ellis about getting married to come true, and while all he did was laugh at her while he pulled out there wedding contract, he didn’t deny it. He truly did make her dreams come true, it was in Jude’s style, but he did it in the most thoughtful, discreet, and sweetest way he could, and that to me is truly romantic.

The bottom line: Jude is PEAK to me. And yes, these notes are lengthy, but I had a lot of fun doing this, and I haven't done this in a while. Nice to take a break from translating and delve into things more. Again, we can't be dogmatic on things, this is just for fun. Now to start writing my other word salad thesis *Laughs like Palpatine*

#C's Corner #Ikevil Jude #Jude Jazza #Ciele's Ramblings #ikemen jude #Ikevil jp spoilers #ikemen series

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xazse · 2 hours

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archon scara x devoted follower smut PLEASEEE I BEGGGGGGG PLEASE ☹️☹️☹️

KNEES

Synopsis: The Archon has allowed you to fulfill his desires.

Notes: HI!! I hope you enjoyed this, I see you left another request! I’ll get to it as soon as possible my love. Also I don’t know why I get carried away and make the writing longer than it should be? I hope you guys like when I do that. <333

Pairings: Archon!Scaramouche x devoted!femreader

Warnings: mean!Scaramouche + God!Scaramouche + a god complex to go along with it + mutual masturbation + snarky!reader + creampie + happy ending!!

Scaramouche was above the people who stood below him, bowing and offering him the last cent in their pockets, how easy it was to get humans to worship the ground he treads on. They’ll do anything to get his approval, some will kill for him, burn for him and even harm themselves if he had said to do it. He sat on his chair like he does everyday while his people brought him things he knows he’ll have his servants throw away or he’d let them keep the shit for themselves.

It’s a long line today, people must have been feeling extra grateful or they’re trying to cover sins they’ve been making. It’s a tired mantra of saying thank you’s and goodbyes as he watches them leaves all he can think is good riddance.

He isn’t paying attention to the next person stepping up because of his servant telling him something, the servant stops and stares in front of him, Scaramouche follows his line of sight and they settle upon you. In fact you’ve caught a few eyes with the attire you’ve decided to wear today, the outfits puts your breasts on full display, they look soft and inviting, all Scara can think is: Whore.

You put on your best smile and make your way towards his seat, holding your skirt up as you bow and offer him the sweet treats you’ve made. There’s a look in your eye that he likes, it’s badly full of lust as you brazeningly eye his body up and down, even taking the initiative to lick your lips so seductively. You’re bold, he’s never had a bold lady such as yourself outwardly showing off, you’re just trying to get him to fuck you.

You place the treats down and turn around to let the next follower go, Scaramouche makes sure to get a good look at your ass when you stand over to the side to watch the others finish giving their gifts. You don’t stop eyeing him for the rest of the evening.

When enough people have come past he announces that he’s tired and wishes to retire to bed, they leave one by one but you stand, keeping eye contact with him as everyone leaves. It’s just you left and his servant is about to dismiss you but Scaramouche is intervening and letting you stay. He also tells all his servants to leave.

Now it’s just you and him left.

“Such a little bold thing you are, letting everyone in the room know of your plans just by your body language alone.” He laughs as he allows you to approach.

“What ever do you mean m’lord” you shyly place your hands behind your back.

“Don’t get shy all of sudden, it bores me.” He ushers you closer allowing him to get a close up of you, of your body especially. “I’ve been swamped with protecting you lot, I think I’m owed something. Don’t you agree?” His smirk drives you crazy, you obediently nod.

You with no hesitation slip your arms out of your shirt and pull the front of your shirt down letting your breasts for his eyes to feast on.

You make sure to ooze confidence and he supposes he likes that, most women who offer themselves up are boring prudes who want a quick buck, but you, you look as though you only came to be fucked and thrown to the side, or maybe you’re planning on doing that to him instead.

“Lose it all, we’ll have no need for it anyway.” You quickly discard the dress to the side. “No panties? I wasn’t wrong about my assumption about you being a whore.”

You offer no answer, your lips don’t move but your hands start to roam your body, from the top of your chest to now rubbing your nipples.

“I see no need for foreplay woman, I want you now, you must’ve been wet from the moment you seen me no?” Cocky bastard.

“Unfortunately I was not sir.”

He raises his brow were you not eyeing him down like an animal in heat, he’ll let that comment slide. You continue to touch your breasts before making your way down to your cunt, softly rubbing inbetween your folds. Scaramouche can’t deny himself anymore and unbuttons his pants letting his cock free. Scaramouche is a short man but his cock tells a different story of not judging a book by its cover, his cock is of a great size, width and length. He begins rubbing himself in tandem with you, he can see how your fingers are already glistening with your cum.

He grabs your arm and tugs you forward, you fall flat on his lap. He fixes your body so you’re facing him. You kiss his neck from his ear to his shoulder blade, leaving colorful hickeys. He groans out loud, still stroking his cock but just the right amount, he wants to be inside of you when he cums. You kiss your way to his lips and lightly drag your tongue across them. The distraction allows for you to grab his cock and line it up with your hole, it slides in with a little bit of difficulty but nonetheless you take all of him.

You moan, his cock sits resting against your gummy walls, waiting for him to add stimulation. He grabs you by your waist and begins bouncing you, making sure to pull you all the way off then stuff you full.

“Oh… mhn…” you open your eyes to find Scaramouche staring at you, his eyes bore and burn into yours. His cock starts beating against your sweet spot and you jump, feels so fucking good the way it directly hits against it, it’s hard to control the way your thighs quiver and shake.

“Feels good doesn’t it?” “I’ve been told by women from all around that my cock is something to behold, wouldn’t you agree?” He snarls in-between baited breathes, he could hardly get the sentence out with your pussy clenching down on him.

“The same applies to me, no?” You mock him. He slams you down hard enough for you breath to get caught in your throat, enough for a lewd moan to slip from your lips. He grabs ahold of your boob and guides it to his mouth, sucking on it, licking your nipple, that doesn’t last long enough, he pops off the nipple to rub at your clit.

He flicks it and even pinches it, getting an annoyed reaction out of you. You hold on to the side of his chair like throne and begin bouncing on his cock all by yourself. The combined pleasure has your stomach clenching.

“Fuck- m’so close.” You’re like a rabid animal chasing after your high, your vision seems spotty. His shaft keeps throbbing inside of you every-time you take a moment to rest. You lift up one more time before coming down. Your body convulses and you’re gasping for air, his fat cock has you cumming and whining. You’ve soaked his abdomen In your juices. You’re slumped ontop of him attempting to put yourself back together.

He gives you a moment of clarity, he moves fast when he starts fucking you again, your pussy being filled with him once more. The gross mixture of your cum creates nasty noises which bounces off the walls when your hips meet his. You let him use you to the fullest extent, mumbling in his ear on how full you feel and how good his cock feels. Though he already knows that but he likes his ego to be stroked.

His hands find their way to your ass, gripping the flesh hard in between his fingers as he uses it as a leverage point to slam you down more firmly, oh he was definitely cumming inside you.

You start kissing him with pure tongue, sucking on it and dragging it into your own mouth, he once again lets you. He uses his own tongue to lick the drool that’s starting to seep out of your mouth: it’s so damn dirty and lewd.

“Oh god- m’cumming inside you.” He slurs out in between the messy kisses. He stands up while still holding you, he keeps bucking his hips up into you. He stills and buries his cock deep inside of you, his balls tighten in a way it almost fucking hurts, moaning with no shame he finally cums, you can feel his sticky cum filling you, it feels so gross but in the same sentence you want to experience it all over again. He falls back into his chair with you still settled in his lap.

“Mm….” He pants out enjoying the best orgasm he’s had in a while, you make a move to leave his lap but he keeps you against his chest, “don’t even think about it, I’ll be keeping you close to me.” You obediently nod.

#zsworks #genshin smut #fem reader #genshin x reader #scara smut #scaramouche x y/n #scaramouche x female reader #dom scaramouche #scaramouche x you #scaramouche smut #not proofread #wanderer x female reader #wanderer x you #wanderer smut #kunikuzushi smut #kunikuzushi x reader #archon!scaramouche

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lucky-clover-gazette · 16 hours

Text

prince's gambit highlights & annotations

chapter 19

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

He found he had put himself bodily in Guymar’s way. ‘No. No one goes in.’ Anger, irrationally, blossomed. Behind him was the closed door to the tower rooms, a barrier to disaster. Guymar should know better than to barge in and make Laurent’s mood worse. Guymar should have known better than to cause Laurent’s mood in the first place.

one kiss and he’s fully down bad. like these are max levels of damen down bad-ness. it took one kiss. holy shit dude. we went from “laurent knows everything and is always planning something terrible” to “you will NOT bother my poor little meow meow while he does his silent soliloquy”

‘This time, I want it actually kept clear. I don’t care who is about to get molested. No one is to come here. Is that understood?’ ‘Yes, Captain.’ Guymar bowed and retreated. Damen found himself with his hands braced on the stone crenellation, in unconscious echoing of Laurent’s pose, the line of Laurent’s back the last thing he had seen before he had put the heel of his palm to the door. His heart was pounding. He wanted to make a barrier that protected Laurent from anyone who would intrude on him. He’d keep that perimeter clear, if it meant stalking these battlements and patrolling it himself. He knew this about Laurent. That once he gave himself time alone to think, the control returned, reason won out. The part of him that didn’t want to drop Aimeric with a punch recognised that both Jord and Aimeric had just been put through the wringer. It was a mess that needn’t have happened. If they’d just—steered clear. Friends, Laurent had said, high on the battlements. Is that what we are? Damen’s hands drew into fists. Aimeric was an inveterate troublemaker with terrible timing.

this is so ridiculous damen you have laurent brainrot it is so funny how this has unlocked primal rage and determination in you that literal flogging couldn’t

but keep your head up king, this is the chapter where you get to smash

The idea of stopping, allowing himself a moment to think, was terrible. Outside, there was nothing, just the last hours of darkness, and the long ride in the dawn.

and no more laurent to smooch >:(

‘Watch over the Prince,’ he heard himself say. ‘Anything he needs, make certain he has it. Take care of him.’ He was aware of the incongruity of the words, of his hard grip on the soldier’s arm. When he tried to stop, his grip only tightened. ‘He deserves your loyalty.’

damen said “it’s MY turn on the projection”

His time as Laurent’s Captain had been short-lived. An afternoon. An evening. In that time they’d won a battle and taken a fort. It seemed wild and improbable, a hard-edged golden piece of metal in his hand.

also they’d kissed on the mouth. leaving out a pretty essential detail there damen

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘Your servants brought me to the wrong rooms.’ ‘No, they didn’t,’ said Laurent.

pffft did they just know? i’m not sure when laurent could have asked them to do it. so they must have just assumed laurent wanted him there

‘I don’t want to talk about Aimeric,’ said Laurent. ‘Or my uncle.’ Laurent began to come forward.

uh laurent i don’t think damen mentioned the regent at all. i think you’re telling yourself to stop thinking about your uncle because you would like to fuck damen without ptsd making it weird

Laurent said, ‘I know you’re planning to leave tomorrow. You’re going to cross the border, and you’re not going to come back. Say it.’ ‘I—’ ‘Say it.’ ‘I’m going to leave tomorrow,’ said Damen, as steadily as he could. ‘I’m not going to come back.’ He drew in a breath that hurt his chest. ‘Laurent—’ ‘No, I don’t care. Tomorrow you leave. But you’re mine now. You’re still my slave tonight.’ Damen felt the words hit, but that was subsumed in the shock of Laurent’s hand on him, a push backwards. His legs hit the bed. The world tilted, bed silks and roseate light. He felt Laurent’s knee alongside his thigh, Laurent’s hand on his chest. ‘I—don’t—’ ‘I think you do,’ said Laurent.

laurent listened to “dead girl walking” from heathers musical on the way up to the rooms in preparation for this. also i love the mixed feelings here—on one hand, hell yeah laurent, let yourself have this, but also this is fucked up for you both, and you really should talk it out, and the fact that you’re demanding his abandonment before fucking him is concerning, like you only want to fuck if you know he’s leaving anyway, but i mean why not then, if he’s leaving, and you know he wants you, and this is the last night to do it…

also laurent knows damen wants this, and he’s not actually using the slave thing here. the only way he’s using it, is calling damen on what he said earlier that evening before the kissing. cashing in on it, in a way. it’s not exactly healthy but i wouldn’t say it’s like non-consensual or anything

‘What am I doing? You are not very observant.’ ‘You’re not yourself,’ said Damen. ‘And even if you were, you don’t do anything without a dozen motives.’ Laurent went very still, the soft words half bitter. ‘Don’t I? I must want something.’

ooof that hit a sore spot, i think. laurent very badly wants to both lose and take control right now, and sex is a way he’s both lost and had control in the past—lost control to the regent, and had it over damen back in arles. he’s trying not to think about that, about the reasons, and damen is trying to make him think about it, and also implying that laurent can’t just do anything because it’s what he wants or feels.

‘Laurent,’ he said. ‘You take liberties,’ said Laurent. ‘I never gave you permission to call me by my name.’ ‘Your Highness,’ said Damen, and the words twisted, wrong in his mouth. He needed to say, Don’t do this. But he couldn’t think past Laurent, improbably close. He felt each shifting inch that divided their bodies with a fluttering, illicit sensation at Laurent’s proximity. He closed his eyes against it, felt his body’s painful yearning. ‘I don’t think you want me. I think you just want me to feel this.’ ‘Then, feel it,’ said Laurent.

“i don’t think you want me, i think you just want me to feel this” is an INSANE and deeply true line. but also, i think laurent does want damen—HIS damen, not damianos. and this is the last night he can have his damen.

and maybe laurent enjoys your reactions, damen. ever think about that?

‘You liked this too, with Ancel.’ ‘That wasn’t Ancel,’ said Damen, the words coming out, raw and honest. ‘That was all you, and you know it.’

LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOO

The rise and fall of Laurent’s hand was like the slide of Laurent’s words, like every frustrating argument that they’d ever had, stymied, tangled up in Laurent’s voice.

great line. love how it ties the sex act to something deeper between them

Laurent held his former mood within him, constrained, and converted into something else.

horny and angry is not the ideal way for them to fuck for the first time, and for laurent to fuck for the first time since [redacted], but since when has anything been ideal for laurent (or damen, as of book 1)

He felt Laurent pulling back, pulling away, shuttering himself, trying but not quite able to manage a cool snap withdrawal. Laurent said, ‘Adequate.’

book 1: “Laurent turned to Damen. ‘Well?’ Laurent said. ‘Can you couple adequately, or do you just kill things?”

He’d caught Laurent’s wrist before, to hold him back from a blow, a knife strike. He held him now. He could feel the desperate urge for retreat. He could feel something else too, Laurent keeping himself apart, as though, this act being finished, he had no template for what to do. ‘Kiss me,’ he said again.

this is so good. it’s good for all the things damen knows, and all the things he doesn’t know. because he’s doing good here, even without the truth about the regent clicking. he’s helping laurent figure this out, confidently and compassionately, and showing him that he doesn’t need to retreat.

Dark-eyed, Laurent was holding himself in place as though pushing himself past a barrier, the tension in Laurent’s body still telegraphing flight, and Damen felt the shock with his whole body when Laurent’s gaze dropped to his mouth. His own eyes fell closed as he realised that Laurent was going to do this, and he held himself very still. Laurent kissed with a slight parting of his lips, as though he was unconscious of what he was asking for, and Damen kissed him back carefully, dizzy with the idea that the kiss would deepen.

see my previous comments about trauma and my appreciation for laurent as a romantic interest/lead

For a moment, looking felt like kissing, an exchange in which the distinctions of intimacy blurred.

"distinctions of intimacy blurred" is such a succinct way to summarize the way pacat writes the overall romantic arc. they do not need to be fucking to be fucking, and when they are fucking, they're doing other stuff too

It was not what Laurent had expected. He felt the slight shock of Laurent’s surprise, and the way Laurent held himself, as though confused as to why Damen wished to do this, but he felt the moment when surprise turned to something else.

“confused as to why damen wanted to do this” yeah that’s pretty typical for laurent

Damen allowed himself the minor delight of nuzzling.

fantastic line

He lifted his fingers to the tie that closed Laurent’s collar. He had been trained to do this, he knew every intricate fastening.

talk about setup and payoff...

Exposed, Laurent’s nipples were hard and puckered, the first tangible evidence of desire, and Damen felt a wild surge of gratification. His eyes lifted to Laurent’s. Laurent said, ‘Did you think I was made of stone?’ He couldn’t stop the rush of pleasure he felt at that, said, ‘Nothing you don’t want.’ ‘You think I don’t want it?’ Seeing the look in Laurent’s eyes, Damen deliberately pushed him back onto the sheets.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

okay big turning point! probably the first major tell we’ve gotten of laurent being out of control of his reactions, AND he isn’t ashamed of it and asks for more!!! massive laurent (and damen) w!!!

Lifting a hand idly to the exact place above his head where Damen might have pressed it, Laurent gazed back at him through veiled lashes. ‘Like being on top, do you?’ ‘Yes.’ Never more so than at this moment. To have Laurent beneath him was heady.

they’re both having so much fun in different but complimentary ways. laurent enjoys what he’s doing to damen, damen enjoys what laurent is doing to him. they’re both getting something out of it, which i don’t think damen fully understood what he said that thing about laurent not wanting him, but wanting to make him feel. he wants it because it’s you specifically, dummy.

Despite the cool tone, he was aware of the extent to which Laurent was holding himself in place, allowing himself to be touched. Tension still glinted in Laurent’s body, like the shine on a blade edge that would slice you open at the wrong touch.

Damen let himself experience dizzily just how much he liked the idea of controlled Laurent betraying himself in salt flavoured need into his mouth. He touched it with his hand and encountered a texture like hot silk.

i like how pacat finds these ways to say what’s going on, but in a much more compelling and beautiful way than just “damen wanted to blow him” and “his dick was nice”

‘I am not going to reciprocate.’ Damen looked up. ‘What?’ Laurent said, ‘I am not going to do that to you.’ ‘And so?’ ‘Do you want me to suck your cock?’ said Laurent, precisely. ‘Because I don’t plan to. If you are proceeding on the expectation of reciprocity, then you had best be forewarned that—’ This was too convoluted for bed play. Damen listened, satisfied himself that in all of this talking there was no actual objection, then simply applied his mouth.

LOVE THIS. how complicated traumatized laurent trying to deflect is just washing over damen, he doesn’t care if it’s not reciprocal, he just wants to make laurent feel good. something laurent doesn’t understand or expect because sex for him has always been about making [redacted] feel good and that’s it. and laurent’s bitchiness here is so tenderly and funny and in character. he delivered a “precise treatise on cocksucking” in book 1, of course he’d regard this like a business negotiation

For all his seeming experience, Laurent reacted like an innocent to this pleasure. He let out a soft shocked sound, and his body re-formed around the place where Damen was giving his attention. Damen held Laurent in place, hands to hips, and allowed himself to enjoy Laurent’s slight, helpless shifts and pushes, the quality of his surprise, and the hard act of repression that followed, as Laurent tried to even out his breathing.

damen associates sex with happily giving and receiving pleasure, so he’s confused/surprised by laurent’s unfamiliarity with actually getting attention and enjoying himself

Laurent was, by far, the most controlled lover Damen had ever taken to bed.

damen a lot of them were slaves. coached to make you feel like a god. just saying

And felt it stymied. As rhythm built, Laurent’s body locked down, his responses repressed. Looking up, he saw that Laurent’s hands were fists in the sheets, his eyes closed, his head turned to one side. Laurent, out on the shattered edge of pleasure, was holding himself back from climax by sheer force of his impossible will.

again i say, i’m so glad to see someone like laurent as the love interest in a romance novel, holy shit

After a long moment Laurent said, with painful honesty, ‘I . . . find it difficult to let go of control.’ ‘No kidding,’ said Damen.

:) a really nice tension-breaking way to find a little humor in it all, made even lighter by damen’s lack of awareness re: [redacted]

‘You want to take me, as a man takes a boy.’

this is the first moment where i’m just like DAMEN. truly. how are you not guessing this. i get that it’s consistent with his character to not assume the worst, but oh my god

‘You make it sound simple.’ ‘It is simple.’

The words fell into a stillness between them. Laurent’s breathing was shallow, and his cheeks were flushed as he closed his eyes, as though he wanted to block out the world. ‘I want,’ said Laurent, ‘I want it to be simple.’

‘Yes,’ said Laurent. ‘But—wasn’t it—’ ‘Will you stop talking about it.’ The words were ground out.

oh he’s trying so hard to let himself have this. probably before he feels really ready but it’s his last night with damen so!!

For all his bizarre nervy tension, Laurent was indisputably eager, physically. Damen searched his blue eyes. ‘Contrary, aren’t you,’ said Damen softly, thumbing over Laurent’s cheek. ‘Fuck me,’ said Laurent. ‘I want to,’ said Damen. ‘Can you let me?’ He said it quietly, and waited, as Laurent’s eyes closed again, a muscle sliding in his jaw. The idea of being fucked very clearly had Laurent out of his mind, as desire competed with some sort of convoluted mental objection that really needed, Damen thought, to be dispensed with. ‘I am letting you,’ said Laurent, the terse words pushing out. ‘Will you get on with it?’

this is so well-written, both what’s in the lines and what’s in between them. it’s a sex scene but it’s also a masterful scene of dramatic irony and characterization for them both

He watched Laurent’s face, the slight flush, the fractional changes of his expression, his eyes wide and dark. It was intensely private.

of course he's in his own head. that's laurent, for better or for worse

He felt some sense that he needed to hold onto this, to hold it tight and never let it out of his grip. You’re mine, he wanted to say, and couldn’t. Laurent didn’t belong to him; this was something he could have only once. His chest hurt.

To get what you want, you have to know exactly how much you are willing to give up. Never had he wanted something this badly, and held it in his hands knowing that tomorrow it would be gone, traded for the high cliffs of Ios, and the uncertain future across the border, the chance to stand before his brother, to ask him for all the answers that no longer seemed so important. A kingdom, or this.

i don’t have much to add here. it’s being explained perfectly in the text. it's nice to be at this point of understanding with the characters and plot that things can come together like this, thematically, on the page.

#sam reads capri #capri #lamen #laurent of vere #damen of akielos #captive prince #prince's gambit

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