#I’m tired of seeing the Vax is a bad brother takes when no. no he can see how close Keyleth is to breaking when she cries in her room alone

[the-night-writer1]

In the moment

This is a Vax x Percy ship fic for Vox Machina. taking place in an au I like to call “One of the De Rolos”. My partner wanted me to share this because it made them cry. They are very hard to make cry. I can’t remember the actual ship name so sorry.

blame @autisticrandomart for convincing me to post this )

It was a private moment, in the moonlight that seemed to dance around their features. Bringing a sense of calm and sweetness to the scene as Percy approached the half elf.

That elfen grace showed off at its finest as Vax'ildan stared off into the distance of Whitestone from the Castle balcony. He had Percy so smitten that even Percy's father could see it. Tonight had been a bust. That state dinner with the Briarwoods had Vax's nerves on high. 

Percy looked at the ring in his hand and thought back to what his father had told him. The best time to purpose was in the bleakest of times as it proves you love them even when everything has gone wrong.

"Vax?" Percy asked softly as he over and stood next to the half elf. Vax looked over at him with a tired expression. More tired than Percy could register. Almost alien in this moment," could I ask you something?"

"What is it Percival?" The half elf grumbled as he looked away from Percy. 

"Well I know today has been rough and -"

"Oh yes remembering that my father sold me has been "rough" that's the word for it" the half elf stated as he rubbed his brow,"just get to the point Percival "

“I love you Vax” Percy started nervously as the half elf looked back at him, their expression not changing as Percy swallowed air,”I have for a while now, there are not enough words in the world for me to express how much you being here means to me.You’re sweet and kind but also reckless and stubborn. My entire family adores you”

“Percival I'm tired, get your point” Vax said with a near hiss that sent a shiver up Percy back. Something was off with the half elf. He’d never heard Vax call him by his full first name so much. Recently it was Percy or Freddie. He looked at Vax’ildan a bit concerned. He didn’t realize today had been that draining. Yes the Briarwoods had been a bit blunt about their feelings on Vax’s arrangement but he and his parents had gone to bat for half elf. Eventually even kicking them out of the castle. They did really care about him, surely Vax knew that right? They wouldn't bat for him if they saw him as a mere pawn.

“I'm just trying to say that you are loved” Percy said as he tried to place a hand on Vax’s hand, the half elf merely pulled away from him which hurt. He could tell that Vax needed some kind of subtle comfort which he wasn’t allowing Percy to give him. What could be done?

“I was sold to your family” Vax said as he cocked a brow at percy. It seemed like Vax didn’t see it as genuine love for him. Percy thought he knew that Percy’s parents just wanted to get Vax out of a bad situation. Did Vax forget? 

“It was the only way to get you out of the bad situation. Hell my parents still are trying to get your sister out there Vax. If there was any other way we would have done it.”Percy said, a bit concerned by the sudden bitterness the briarwoods had instilled in the half elf.

“Oh yes I’m the charity case and pet half elf for the De Rolo family” Vax grumbled as he turned away from Percy.

“We don’t care that you're a half elf or where you come from! “ Percy said as he grabbed Vax from behind. Then the entire mood seemed to shift and there was suddenly a large sense of dread. His hands seemed to be covered in blood as he let go of Vax. His heart was racing as the room had changed. What was going on?!

“Did you really bring me into a better situation?” Vax’s voice echoed.

“Brother wake up, they brought Vax back!” Cass said in a panic as she shook Percy awake. Right, right it was a dream. He pushed himself up as they threw the half elf inside the cell. He scrambled over and pulled Vax into his lap. The half elf was weakly breathing as Cassandra brought some of their water over. 

“Vax can you hear me? Can you understand what I'm saying” Percy asked softly as he removed some bloody hair from the half elf’s face. It brought the De Rolo twins to tears to see his condition everytime torture was over. He was bloody, torn up , there was even black goop in some of the wounds that concerned Percy. They could be signs of infection and he couldn’t do anything! He was pleading to the Dawn father every night for some kind of rescue!

This man was the love of his life, his sister’s savior from physical torture, and there was nothing he could do to help. Those far to familiar tired eyes made his heart ache, especially as Vax weakly lifted a hand up to cradle his face. It hurt so much to see the tired pain in Vax’s eyes as he rubbed Percy’s cheek with the softest of smiles.

“Here Vax. drink this slowly”Cass said as she fought back tears as she came to the other side of Vax and slowly gave him the water to drink as he lowered his arm. It was so much worse this time. His left leg was mangled by claws and teeth. Possibly and probably other items from Dr.Ripley's as well. She was trying to keep her hands from trembling as she poured the water into Vax’s mouth. 

Percy however lost that battle as he held Vax in his hands. His whole world was shattered weeks ago and one of the only loved ones he had left was bleeding in his arms. In worlds of pain he could only imagine. The half elf was so cold as well and it terrified Percy. This was his lover, the only person who could drag him into a prank war when he was doing experiments. The only person who could convince him Cassandra wasn’t evil and they were laying in his arms barely clinging to life.

Cassandra was ripping a large part of her dress off as Percy brought Vax’s head up and kissed his forehead. Trying to form words. Words that keep Vax alive. He was trying to think but what could convince Vax they’d make it out of here?

“The best time to purpose son is when times are at their bleakest. It shows that even in your darkest hours your love will always be there” His father’s words echoed in his head as he glanced at the De Rolo family engagement ring in his shirt pocket. Only items other than the clothes on their backs and Percy’s that weren't taken. He thought about it as Cassandra put their medical training to use. She wrapped up Vax’s leg as tears were now leaving her own eyes. 

Percy took a deep breath in as he took the ring out of his pocket with his free hand as he pulled vax in close. He pressed iit gently against Vax’s chest while saying,” Marry me? Be with me forever Vax’ildan? Be the De Rolo you are destined to be and throw away Vessar forever… I’ll do whatever you want we escape here”

His tears were no longer silent as he spoke so only Vax could understand what was he saying now as Cassandra was starting to sob as well,”Anything anything in the world Vax…anything you want no questions asked. Just..Just marry me. Promise to be mine forever. I’ll take you anywhere you want… we could even overthrow your father just marry me…just say yes.. I wouldn't be able to marry anyone else… My heart, my being, belongs to you already.”

Percy closed his eyes for a moment as he continued to sob, pleading silently to any god who’d listen to let Vax’ildan live. Unaware a goddess was listening to his plea from behind him on the wall. A shadow who’d been following Vax’ildan all day. The goddess of death, though Cassandra and Percy couldn’t see her, Vax had been staring at her. Too broken and battered to fight her, she could tell by the look in his eyes he wanted too. However not for his own life but for the other two in this cell. It was very commendable that even like this he wanted to fight her for other people’s lives. So few morals showed that trait and she felt Percival fight her for Vax life. 

Before making a final decision she looked to the veil, she wanted to see the outcome of denying Percy’s plea. She didn’t like it. His string would end very shortly after Vax’s if she did. Which left her with only one option. Lengthen the half elf’s life, She looked away from the veil to the soul she’d originally come to get and with a rare smile to Vax she said,”live”

Then she was gone and Vax looked back to Percy. With all the energy he had he cradled Percy’s face in his hands and weakly smiled,”..when we marry…if we have children…no long ass names Freddie”

“OF Course! I promise no long names” Percy said as he kissed the half elf through tears,”I love you I love you I love you more than anything!”

“I love you too”Vax said as he pulled Percy back into the kiss.

“Ew gross” Cassandra said trying to be annoying as she was fighting back sobs. Poor 13 year old.

[sparring-spirals]

its an unreasonable hour in the morning and im full of adrenaline TLOVM s1 ep 12 liveblog LEGGO

(this got really long but im tired so im not editing it sorry)

This is all very Tense and Bad but Percy going “keyleth is GONE” and vex/vax going “??? SHES STILL BREATHING” is very “sometimes i can still hear his voice” “QUIT TELLING PEOPLE IM DEAD” vibes.

Grog... grog maybe don’t- oh well.

Ah- no quips between Vax and Grog about strength, not when it counts.

I know she lives, but can’t imagine all the first time viewers being like “damn you all really are gonna try to kill off your disney princess??”

Vax’s lil “Cmon work... work...” paralleling Keyleths... :)

Man, revenge speeches really tip from “cinematic” to “moderately unhinged” once someone else is listening huh.

I really like that the moment Percy actually hurt one of them, EVERYONE immediately went “what the hell”

Keyleth is at 1 hit point groggy as hell and still doing the sleuthing. Heavy duty work there, lass. Take a break.

“Vex’ahlia, what are you doing??” well, obviously, Vax, she saw Keyleth step in front of danger to keep someone else safe and was like “yeah, this seems fun and good.”

that was a joke but goddam, Vex has really been thru it today huh.

Ah. “Take off the mask”, but literally and metaphorically, wonderfully delivered, cinematic, beautiful, etc. 

fuck, percy :(

OH- the little detail when he points the gun under his own chin- maybe you think that Orthax asks him to do it, but then he says, desperately, i don’t know what else to do”, and you see the smoke tendril fight NOT to do it, and the realization sinks in properly... shit.

“FUCK that, he’s got Vex!” ah. <3

Unironically, mindscape battles rad. Very anime, too. You can do it Percy! you can!

“He has to reload eventually... right?” fucking fighters and their multi-attacks, amirite.

Joking aside, this entire sequence is beautifully done- shifting from one reality to the next, little ambience changes, dizzying perspectives. woww.

The Orthax design is lovely, but I recently started Death’s Door, which means I look at a vague crow shape and go “friend?”. This is not friend.

(Vex’s voice breaking through... <3)

I’m gonna have a lot of fun reading metas about Percy and the narrative of vengeance and revenge and the inherent destruction and cyclic nature etc etc etc :D

Also- Vex demanding Cass “do SOMETHING, you’re his sister”, is good, but also funny bc like. Do Vex and Vax KNOW that not every sibling relationship is quite as er... codependent. All consuming. As theirs. Like are they... aware.

oh ow, good thing its your nondominant hand percy

wait did that. did that kill orthax? did that fix the posession? that seems... hmm. well. okay i suppose. i think orthax is still in the gun but huh that really yeeted it out of percy didn’t it.

Percy I’m glad you’re not consumed by your revenge quest but also i do think we should kill Delilah. just a little bit. :)

oh. okay yeah. “I’m glad you forgave her brother. But I could not.” yeah you know what fair.

oh thank GOD scanlan chucked it into acid- OH YEP there’s the demon, goodie.

Keyleth looking to Vex for pointers, and Vex pulling on her best “Oh darling, it was nothing ;)” as a lesson to Keyleth... :D

Ssjdkfhlakjd Vax dragging away Scanlan. listen they’re both right. they did just survive an apocalypse, but like.. HEY if they want to fuck scanlan.... hell yeah. (Love how that one rebel was nodding politely to Scanlan’s flirting).

“We live as long as Whitestone lives. Help me ensure it lives forever.” Nice sentiment but also Percy did we not just deal with two people Doing Shit to try to ensure eternal life. Is that a good way to phrase it. Percy.

Hmm. I really, really like that Keyleth got the chance to say “no, not right now”. And that Vax was- while not happy, not indignant or anything. It’s a really nice change of pace from most shows, even knowing how it was gonna go beforehand.

vex u creep (Affectionate)

*man gets spaghettied* “hopefully its not dangerous :)”

“We could just...” “Run? “need to get punched in the face sometimes to know you’re alive” *cries over twins*

akjsdfhlajsdhfjasfhlajsfhlasjdfhlasdjlfhasd okay listen i’d already seen clips and gifs of this scene but this “Keyleth blushing over Vex putting a hand on her shoulder and declaring faith in her” is really the gayest shit I’ve seen this month and like GOOD FOR HER, also big mood

the slow orchestral theme..... symbolism of the buds sprouting on the tree.... percy’s little smile... <3

AW Vex punched Percy before running into the tree. That means she likes u, Percy. No, not in the bullshit “boys pull pigtails of girls they like” way, in a “Vex is chronically terrible at expressing emotions properly and much like how she expresses closeness to Vax through needling and prodding, this is how she shows trust” way.

bro did you stick residuum INTO THE HOLE IN YOUR HAND, THAT CANNOT BE HEALTHY. DID NO ONE HEAL IT BEFORE YOU MANAGE TO GET AND CLEAN A CHUNK OF RESIDUUM, DID YOU RE-OPEN THE HOLE, PERCY WHAT THE FUCK, there are THINGS in your hand to make it WORK, you cant just JAM SHIT INTO THERE-

adjkfalsjfh dual twins taking care of trinket <3 as deserved

i love lil domestic downtime scenes :D they’re my favorite kind of shit, just details and chill vibes abound.

Vex “what, now” and “oh shit that’s tonight?” really doesn’t like being summoned or required to attend things, does she

 HELLO GILMORE. <3 u big ole flirt u. also appreciate vex’s mild side eye as she watches them flirt.

Uriel you can’t phrase your sentences like that, VM are still VERY used to being run out of towns.

WOOP, VEX’S DRAGON ALLERGY IS GOING OFF

AND YEAH, THERE DEFINITELY ARE A LOT OF DRAGONS. MORE THAN 0, THAT’S FOR SURE.

aw man, see, its never good when too many civilians are in one place

overall:

its late so im saving Proper Thoughts about the entire season for a different time, but: i think this was good :) not perfect, but good. nice.

a solid wrap up episode, honestly. didn’t feel too weirdly paced, although the actual defeat of orthax felt a tiny bit anticlimatic but- i think that’s the point? the bigger battle was mental, but the actual defeat- easy, almost.

I like Vex and Percy, I like Vax and Keyleth, but my GOD the Vex and Keyleth moments were off the charts the last few episodes, I’m reeling. anyway keyleth has a crush on both twins (although she still might be processing the one for Vax) and she’s so valid for it.

Listen Cass is BABY are we SURE it was okay to leave her alone to rule Whitestone? Not even in a “don’t trust her” way just like. She’s young. Is she Ok. Can we get her some therapy and a support group first.

These last three episodes were solid. I really enjoyed them. animation and music and etc teams all deserve accolades (for this but also for the season). I guess the voice actors too. :)

Man, Critical Role characters are a lot of fun.

[pixiedoodlein]

I’m so fucking mad that a year and a half into this pandemic I am back to 11th hour debating another year of homeschool. The first stretch of homeschool, in NYC, when the toddler was a baby, and husband was home on unemployment, was good, nice even, a quiet piece of something good when the world outside was falling apart. The next stretch, the Oklahoma stretch, with a particularly climby toddler, husband working 10 hour days, me doing remote contract work, somewhere we had no family around to help w/ childcare, was challenging. I was not always my best self. Some days were delightful, muffins and math games. Other days I was more Miss Trunchbull than Miss Honey, fractions were squeezed in between crying (usually mine) and netflix (way too much of hers), and I held on to any shred of sanity by telling myself “just a little longer, just until the vaccines.”

Well here we are. Husband & I have been vaccinated for months, but the kids aren’t yet. The upstate NY town we moved to is a very small town (pop: 838), was mostly untouched by previous waves. When we got here, I couldn’t understand why everyone was so lax about it- no masks, no panic. Our first day here, when I came home from the market and saw through the window a gaggle of unmasked kids in my living room (the neighbors coming to welcome us, they heard a kid moved in) I almost had a heart attack. In fact, I was so tired from the drive from OKC that for a moment I actually thought I was at the wrong house, that I was hallucinating, because how in the world could there be unmasked bodies in my living room.

Then I started talking to people here. And I realized that the way I thought they were insane for not being deathly afraid of covid, they thought I was insane for being petrified. Because the disease hadn’t hit here; their businesses were destroyed and their kids were out of school (in a rural area with barely functional internet, remote school = a lost year) and their lives were totally fucked up, for a disease that never arrived at their doorstep. I came to understand why they weren’t worried, why here life looked (almost) normal. I told them about what it was like to live somewhere covid tore through, the freezer trucks of bodies on the FDR Drive and my previously healthy 27yld brother so sick with it the first spring he thought he was about to die (but too scared to go to a hospital), my dad’s relative in the next NYC wave on a vent for months and lucky to be alive but may never walk again, the doctors in OKC pleading on the news to please wear a fucking mask because the hospitals were fucking full, and the neighbors stopped thinking I was psycho when I carried extra masks for their kids, and made them put them on, when I took them to town for ice cream. I never stopped masking. But we did indoor dine here (once, BBQ, it wasn’t delicious enough for how anxious I felt) and I did bring all the kids, including my toddler, to a fairly crowded children’s museum in the big (small) city an hour away, where the rest of us were masked but the one with his hands in his mouth, who was all up in other kids’ faces, the one who really should be masked, wasn’t because he won’t leave it on for more than a minute.

Actually it’s a lie to say that I never stopped masking- I have dashed into little stores here, without one, because I’m vaxed! It’s safe here! Covid felt done. We had friends come here to visit this summer. Friends who are vaxed, but that doesn’t seem to really matter enough anymore. We had the neighbors over for meals, indoors (you see, more indoor dining! A minute ago I was just thinking restaurants, but why would plagues only spread in restaurants?). They had us for meals. The girls are a crew, new best friends, making my daughter’s life here so, so much happier, constant sleepovers (their kids were at our house this afternoon; my kid is at their house right now). The parents and grandparents are wonderful, making my life here, and husband’s life here, so much easier, so much better. We help them with stuff, they help us with stuff, there isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t see each other, unmasked. Some of the adults in their household are vaxed; some of the adults in their household are not. The kids are all too young to be vaxed. But it (living, doing shit again, seeing people again) really stopped feeling scary; it really felt like everything was fine, normal-ish, normal-er. The end of the pandemic felt in sight.

I signed my child up for school here. Real school, not mommy school, school with a school bus. She was a little anxious, I had to talk her into it, I sold it hard, I bought her whatever pair of new sneakers she wanted for her new school (she hasn’t had gym class in a year and a half; for a phase in Oklahoma she wore one boot and one sandal every day, why not). She wasn’t anxious about sneakers or covid; she was anxious that maybe she hadn’t learned enough in homeschool (I am not a teacher! I did not homeschool because I am good at it or love it or wanted to, I homeschooled because I was scared of her getting covid at school and dying), that she would be behind. She isn’t behind. I followed the real school curriculum as best I could (as in: sometimes totally and sometimes not at all), and somehow, when I gave her the standardized “real school” test “at the end of the year” (aka the day I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to focus on my work or I wasn’t going to have an income, the day I’d decided we’d done as much as we could and it was time to be done), she sailed through it, this kid is smart. Smart as in needs to be in actual real fucking school to stay smart and learn and reach her potential.

She got excited- one of the neighbor kids is in her grade. The other kid is older- but the school is small, she’d see her tons. She was excited; I was excited. I registered her for school. Her new teacher sent a nice note. We all were excited. She’s never taken the school bus before but the neighbors take it and she’d be fine on the bus with her besties, the bus would pick her up in front of their house since there’s nowhere to turn around up our hill (we are VERY rural), they’d all get on and off the bus together. She has been backpack shopping. We have been discussing what she’ll have for breakfast (honey nut Cheerios), what she wants me to pack for lunch (she says just Goldfish, I say turkey sandwich, we’re working on it).

But now, 18 days before school starts here, I am thisclose to pulling her out, to embarking on another lovely (not), gratifying (not) year of homeschool, because of covid, delta. When we got to our new home in our new tiny town in June, there was no covid here. Now, our county is listed by the CDC as a high transmission area (is there anywhere in the US that isn’t?). 80% of senior citizens here are vaxed; 50% of the total population is, well below the national average. 15 cases per 100,000, in a county of 100,000. I guess this is less rampant than our previous pandemic locales, NYC (currently 25/100K), OKC (49/100K). This is splitting hairs, everywhere is bad. This is what panic does to me: are we better or worse for every decision we’ve made in the past year and a half, every decision that got us here? There are fewer cases here but fewer people and fewer vaccinated people and fewer ICU beds. We aren’t safe even here, but at least we are happy (happy aside from fear of delta death).

I don’t know whether to send my kid to school in 18 days. There will be masks but masks aren’t enough (how many masks do I make her wear? two, ten, a thousand?). This choice feels crazy— in March 2020, when that covid was mostly sparing kids, I yanked her out of school. Now, this covid does hurt kids. How much longer, how many more years, can parents be in this position to make this nightmare choice? What will hurt her more: school or no school? There are vaccines, more than enough in America. We shouldn’t be having to make this choice.

As it is, because of toddler— not because of toddler, because of being a parent to children in a pandemic— my work life, and husband’s, will be severely impacted this year, again. I can’t send him to daycare because he’s too little to leave a mask on (he won’t even leave his pants on!) in a room full of other unmasked toddlers, whose families may or may not be vaxd, may or may not wear masks (there has been a noticeable increase in supermarket mask wearing since we got here, but still not enough, is any of it enough?), may or may not be going to parties and weddings and funerals, daycare providers who may or may not be doing all the same. This means I can only apply to remote jobs, so I can be home with him. Husband has some flexibility, more than he did in OKC, but god forbid he has to work while I have a work call or meeting or work due I didn’t manage to get done at 4am or 11pm when the house is quiet. He can’t bring toddler to work with him, his work is up on scaffold, stenciling ceilings. This will be another year of me muting myself on Zooms while toddler pulls his diaper off and hurls poop at the cat. Would it really be so much harder to also be trying to teach parts of speech to our daughter at the same time? Yes, it would, but I don’t know if I can send my kids back out into the world until they’re vaccinated. I am counting the days, holding my breath, until they can be.

I used to believe in personal choice. I don’t anymore. I want this shit to be mandated, I want the government to line us up and force mRNA into holdouts’ arms, I want it to be required, to be able to function in and interact with and benefit from society in any way, shape, or form. I have been very lucky in the pandemic. Privilege stacked on privilege on privilege, to be fussing over my Zooms in my hamlet. I had been pretty pandemic perky, baking my pies and playing with my pandemic pets and (thinking about) doing puzzles, but I’ve reached my breaking point. This shit could be done, but it’s not, and I’m scared it never will be.

[praphit]

F9: What does Absurdity even mean anymore?

Due to COVID, I thought that my last movie theater experience was going to be "Bad Boys For Life". I'm happy to say that if I died today, I would be telling souls in Heaven that "F9" was the last movie I saw on the big screen (I'm sure that films are big talking points in the after life).

There weren't too many people there:

There was a woman coughing in the corner; I barely looked at her. I imagined that COVID was mugging her, and I didn't want to be a witness, and so have COVID come after me next. I'm vaxxed, but still I was thinking of ways to distract COVID, so I could enjoy the film. There was an old couple sitting up front (like REALLY OLD... sitting UP FRONT... Ha! that's awesome). Awesome or not, I was going to point them out if COVID came after me. There were two obese kids sitting a few rows behind me that I could also point out, as well as my friend that I was sitting next to... what?? Look, they would ALL want me to escape, so I could bring my "F9" review to the people!

WHAT??!

Let's not talk about my survival skills, let's talk some Vin & the Fam - that's why we're here!

It took a while for me to remember what was going on:

Dom (Vin), Letty (M. Rod), and their... kid? Oh, right, they have a kid, and they moved on to start a new life together. 

Didn't the real mom die or something?? Idk. You've got the British lady from "GOT" still hanging out with Luda and Tyrese. 

(they so crazy)

"Hobbs and Shaw" are still gone 

(making their own money, cuz bleep family!). 

Brian (Paul Walker's character - rip) is apparently, now everyone's babysitter. So, if anyone in this gang, who could die on any of these missions, ever have kids, they can just send them off to Nanny Brian's. 

There's a dude named Mr. Nobody who sometimes sends the gang on secret spy missions.

Oh, and people in the gang keep coming back from the dead. Boom! We're caught up with this absurdity. That's actually what I asked for when I got to the movies 

"Give me one ticket for Absurdity please."

In this batch of the absurd, we find out that Dom has a brother, and he's John Cena (Jakob). 

Charlize Theron is back! That must have been the worst bet that she has ever lost. I consider her to be one of the most underrated and underappreciated actors we've got, but movies like these ain't helping that case.

And who's idea was it to give her that haircut? - part of the bet she lost, I suppose. 

It was reported that the gang goes into space (at least two of them do). 

Annnnd the X-Men Jet is back! 

(it really does look like that - Wolverine included)

Seriously, after the X-Men's last two movies (which were turrrible), I was expecting them to crossover for a fresh start. Why not?? They're a spy team now, that goes to space! - nothing should be off the table.

They're looking for two halves of some... war sphere?? If put back together with some key... idk... John Cena rules the world.

Remember when Vin and the gang were all about street racing, money, survival, and brown booty? - those were simpler times!

But, why discuss the plot? Seriously, why? None of it makes any sense. From Dom and Letty living like Amish people (which is an ending worse than death for action heroes) 

to their convoluted explanation for bringing the latest person back from the dead (which reminds me of a married couple, when the husband or wife get caught watching porn, and try to explain that it was just a pop-up that came out of nowhere. The other spouse gulps their glass of wine and plows forward - that was me with this - gulping my soda (with a lil Henny) saying "whatever guys, let's please just move on".

and  what's going on with the two brother's is a thin thread at best. AND the villain's motivation...  

But, it's foolish to get into that., and take points off. I LOVE THESE MOVIES, but it ain't for the story. Let's grade "F9" by its own standards:

Racing, Action, and Family (they graduated from booty to family):

Racing

They've done the racing in a small city thing before, but this time it's with magnets! - SUPER MAGNETS!

YES!

I loved this! Cars are getting sucked into magnets. They're using them to make people fly away and explode. Which btw, they did my man Francis Ngannou wrong (an mma fighter). There's a fight scene with a giant white dude on top of a speeding vehicle. That giant white dude could have and should have been the role for Francis, instead he's just here to say high, and then blow up. As much as I loved these scenes, they were too quick in some areas. I think if they had slowed some of the magnet stuff down a bit, we could appreciate more what's happening.

Action

M.Rod is legit. 

She needs her own franchise. The only action star I enjoyed more than her was Vin, and that's really due to the absurdity of one scene. Do y'all remember the "Civil War" scene when Captain America has one hand on a building and another pulling back a helicopter?? 

It's the same level of strength needed for what Vin does in some underground chambers. You can see a bit of it in the trailer. He pulls the whole place down, and then, just like in "Civil War", he ends up in the water (but unconscious). Oh, and he does this after beating up like 50 people at once. Ha! I love it! Then, how he is rescued (cuz c'mon, he can't die) is splendidly preposterous, and I mean that is a complimentary way. That scene is perfection.

The only action that bothers me comes from Dom's sister (mia). 

She just doesn't sell being a fighter, but whatever. No disrespect... she’s beautiful, but... her hair might weigh more than the rest of her body.

Apparently, the highest trained fighters (agents) in the world (who have GUNS) never trained for a unskilled, unprepared, 110 lb woman in her 40's with a frying pan.

Family & Corona

Tyrese and Luda are always funny, but their act is growing a bit thin. It actually felt like an act this time around. I think it's time to add another black man in the mix; perhaps one who's older than they are... TRACY MORGAN?

Throw an OG in there and it'll freshen things up again. I do like though how Tyrese is starting to suspect that they might be immortals. I think they should test that theory out in the next movie; maybe have Tyrese break the fourth wall, kinda like Deadpool, as he realizes this is just a dumbass movie.

Dom and Letty's kid... terrible. I'm sorry! This is a bias of mine, but kids normally suck at acting. This one is no exception. Just get an older actor to play the young kid. I'm thinking Ryan Reynolds would have been a good choice.

You may be saying "that's absurd!" - I'm glad that y'all can still tell what that word means, cuz I can't.

The rest of the chemistry family magic is great!

Oh, and Cardi is here, but... barely (for like 30 seconds, if that). 

No rapping, no wapping, no cursing... kind of a waste of Cardi B, if you ask me.

John Cena aka Jakob with a K!

Meh. JC def has charisma, just not in this movie. He doesn't stand out at all. You know?? - The Rock, Jason Statham, Charlize Theron, etc all have a presence about them in this franchise. Cena?! what happened, buddy?

There are certain music artists whom you'd think would have a great personality based off their music and how they dress. But, then you meet them, and you realize that they're just normal bozos like you and I (only rich and famous). And normal bozos like you and I, AT TIMES can be boring. You gotta have some flair if you're not going to have personality. Give my man some pink glittery highlights, a face tat, some vampire teeth, and maybe a chainsaw for his left arm or something.

Grade: Good action. The absurdities were funny. I was entertained! Production was great! BUT it's getting tired, my friends. It's the same formula that I've mentioned and then, like always, they're grilling and drinking Corona's in the sun. After nine movies (with at least two more on the way)... I never thought I'd say this, but it's actually not absurd enough. Wait... I seriously can't believe I just said that.

I need to say that again to know it's real.

This movie wasn't absurd.. enough? ENOUGH. IT WASN'T! They're going to need to step it up for the next two.

They were in space, but not for long. They raced for the most part in regular cars (regular for them). . You only brought ONE person back from the dead??! C'mon! We can do better.

I'm giving it an entertaining C+

I like that we saw different younger Dom's (during flashbacks) through time. I think that the next type of vehicle they bust out should be a DeLorean.

Y'all feel me?? TIME TRAVEL, baby! 

Vin and the gang race through time! They can have Tracy Morgan. They'll each have a younger version (or older) of themselves join the group. Cardi B will actually do something this time - maybe turn into a car! 

And maybe Cable shows up as they tie it to Marvel.

Think bigger, Vin!

[enkelimagnus]

A Castle in the Forest

Percy x Vex’ahlia, Chapter 7, 3038 words,

A Modern AU, in which Vex is a park ranger taking over the Alabaster Sierras post, and finds much more than she bargained for

Read on AO3

Vax makes it to Whitestone....

-----------------

Vax makes it to the cabin on a rainy afternoon. Vex is busy sketching out some areas she thinks need clearer trail markers and deciding where to implant emergency contact boxes, when she hears an engine running and a vehicle getting closer to the cabin.

She peeks from the window, her eyes catching the gleaming metal of her brother’s motorcycle. She immediately bolts from her seat at the table, startling a napping Trinket, and opens the door. She runs down the stairs and into her brother’s arms.

He’s just had time to take off his helmet, long dark hair held in a low ponytail for the road. She hugs him tightly, his leather motorcycle jacket smelling like hide and patchouli. She’s missed everything about him.

For a while, they stand there, hugging each other. There’s no one around and no use in pretending they don’t love each other right now. It’s been much too long. Vex remembers when a single day without him was torture. Now it’s usual. That saddens her somewhat.

“Welcome to Whitestone,” she grins. “How was the road?”

“Dreadful,” Vax rolls his eyes and grabs his bag, letting go of her to start walking back into the cabin, away from the rain and the cold. “This place is… ghostly, really.”

Vex huffs. “It’s not that bad, come on,” she mumbles. He’s right though.

Whitestone, especially in the sort of rain that’s currently falling, is ghostly. White stone walls and overturned ship-like buildings, with people that stare at strangers like they’re time-ticking bombs… Ghostly. In the time she’s spent here, she’s only started seeing the shadows and the phantoms.

“Is that the little munchkin you’ve called your Trinket?” Vax asks as Vex closes the door of the cabin after him.

He puts his back down next to the bed, heavy boots walking carefully towards Trinket. She’s put him in his crate so he would get used to Vax’s presence without threatening him, or himself.

“Yup,” she nods. “He’s young, but… he could be a good companion,” she points out, her voice as innocent as possible.

Vax looks up at her. “You’re taking on a companion?” He asks, with a raised eyebrow. He thought she never wanted to, especially after Saundor. That’s what she’s told him many times, after all. No companion, she’s not bringing something innocent into this, she’s better off being a hunter. Alone and fixated on one enemy. Dragons were her original choice. Fey her second. She doesn’t want the permanence of companionship… At least she didn’t. Before Trinket.

“I’m not sure yet,” Vex shrugs, trying to escape his gaze. “But… I’ve been thinking a lot about it, and he’s perfect. He’s going to grow big and strong, and protective. And he’s… I’ve grown attached to him.”

Vax shrugs off his jacket and sits down at one of the chairs, looking around the cabin. His eyes glide across the small kitchen, the bed, the fireplace, the ladder up to the lookout and the door to the bathroom. He hums.

“This is… cozy,” he points out.

Vex chuckles. “Very different where you spent the last few days, I imagine?” She asks teasingly.

“You’re a ranger, not a sorcerer with an amazing business,” Vax points out. “I am not expecting the same thing.” He shrugs. “Besides, this is nice. Warm and comfortable.”

His eyes fall on her again and she feels the scrutiny in them. She can’t hide a single thing from him. She was never able to.

“You look… tired, but good,” he says after a moment. “I’m guessing you resolved a problem, recently? You have that… satisfied smug look on you. But not the one from right after it. The couple-days-old one.”

Vex rolls her eyes at him but doesn’t deny it. It’s not worth the trouble. “We had a barbed devil. Killed one for sure, the ranger here before me. Probably more. I had sensed it a while ago, but… I had trouble finding help.”

Vax raises an eyebrow and Vex proceeds to give him the rundown on everything that has happened, on the people of Whitestone and their lack of wanting to talk to her, on Pike and Grog.

“Gilmore tried to contact the local rulers to get a teleportation circle added to the city,” Vax explains once she’s done. “He didn’t manage to find anyone. There are no rulers in Whitestone, as far as anyone knows.”

“It seems they all died in a horrific massacre a few years ago. It’s impossible to get anyone to give me details about it,” Vex shrugs. “But why is Gilmore that interested in Whitestone? There’s nothing for him here.”

Vax chuckles, crossing his legs. “You live here. I like to come and see you.” His smirk is telling.

Vex chuckles back. “I see… He loves to dote on you, doesn’t he?”

“What can I say?” Vax shrugs. “I deserve it.”

Vex absolutely agrees with that. She appreciates Gilmore for many things, but the most important is how he treats her brother. He might be the very first person to take care of Vax the way he deserves, to spoil him. And he’s the first person that Vax doesn’t stop from spoiling him.

He’s had powerful lovers before, in Syngorn or in other places. Vax is handsome and charming in his own grumpy way, and Vex knows first-hand how sometimes, the disgust Syngornians showed towards the two of them could easily turn into sexual curiosity. But Gilmore doesn’t want Vax because he’s a dirty half-human. And that changes everything, including Vex’s appreciation of the man.

“You sure do, brother,” Vex hums and turns to pour them both a cup of coffee. “I’m afraid there isn’t much for you to do here. You can potentially make nice with the people in town and snoop for me?” She asks.

“Is that why you asked me to come?” he answers. “To spy for you the information you can’t get?”

“I asked you here because I missed you,” Vex stares at him. “And I don’t like being away from you for too long. But if you can… Ask a few questions while you’re here, I’d appreciate it greatly.”

“Fine,” Vax shrugs. “But first, I need a lay of the land. Any information you haven’t given me yet. And an idea of whether some of the wealth around here could be redistributed to the people. No rulers means there’s probably chests of gold and jewels some of these folks could use.”

“Two temples. The one of Pelor is in the cemetery, outside of town. They don’t seem to have anything you’d want, but they might have some ideas of who the richest families used to be. I saw some pretty impressive mausoleums around there,” Vex starts. “The second one is in town. Temple to Erathis. I’ve heard about some empty noble houses, and there’s the castle, but it’s been years. I think all of the possible left behind wealth was promptly redistributed already.”

Vax raises an eyebrow, but says nothing, deep in thought.

They stay like this for a moment until Vex huffs and stands up. “Come on,” she smiles. “Let’s go into town and get some supplies. They’re announcing snow later this week and we need enough to be able to survive out here for a while.”

Vax rolls his eyes but stands up, grabbing his coat. Vex gets ready to go as well, thick coat, quiver and bow and the keys to the truck. She pets Trinket goodbye and they get into the truck, starting the drive down.

The heating is on in the cabin of the car and Vax waits about two minutes before turning on the radio. He hums under his breath the pop songs that blast out of the speaker, letting go of his grumpy goth image for once. She’ll never tell anyone that he knows the lyrics to Brit Nayspears’ entire discography.

She points out some trails as they drive past, things that have been causing her issues, the campsite that will hold the local wilderness survival adventure once summer comes around. Winter months are much calmer for rangers than summer ones are, but she’s still looking forward to seeing what the sun looks like reflected off of the Alabaster Sierras peaks.

Vax seems interested. He always does. He listens to her and that’s one of the best things about him. They end up dueting over some song on the radio, at first only humming and mumbling the words. By the time they drive through the city gates, they are scream-singing. Vex can’t stop smiling.

The cold bites as they slam the doors shut and walk away from the previously heated cabin of the truck. They’re not the only ones out for supplies. There are other trucks with crates and bags in the parking lot.

The covered market stands two blocks from the parking lot. Its roof is like an enormous overturned ship and white stones rise from the ground to meet the wood, providing a tall and breathable marketplace underneath. It’s cold still, there’s no use in trying to heat the entire volume of the building. It would only waste spell and components, or wood if they were trying to do it magicless.

They start going through the stalls, grabbing a lot of root vegetables and things that will not perish too fast. If they’re stuck in the snow, Vex is hoping to have a few days of fresh and non-canned food before they have to resort to the cans, but she knows it’s not that easy.

For the meat, she’ll go hunting. There’s no need to bother herself with purchasing beef or anything of that nature. Her freezer can hold at least one deer carcass. She’s measured it. It’s not really a surprise, anyway. The cabin was built as a safe haven for long winters and snow falls. There’s a couple of emergency mattresses rolled up under her bed, enough to allow a couple of people to sleep, albeit uncomfortably, if they’re stuck with her during a storm. It’s a refuge. And a refuge can hold at least one deer carcass.

“Do I really have to carry all of this?” Vax whines as she places a small cart over his arms.

“If you weren’t here, I’d need half of this. So you’re gonna pull your weight,” Vex shrugs.

Vax rolls his eyes. “You invited me, remember?” He calls out as she walks over to get some more potatoes. Neither of them really mean the bickering, but it feels good to do it.

There’s a light chuckle behind him and he turns around, trying not to spill over the contents of the carts he’s carrying. A few feet from him stands a young person with dark brown hair that shifts to white streaks around the temple. They’re watching him with quiet amusement.

“Older sibling?” They ask with a smile and a raised eyebrow. They look tired, and the smile is a little shaky.

“Twin, actually,” Vax replies. “She’s the ranger for the Alabaster Sierras outpost. I’m visiting,” he explains quickly. “Vax’ildan. Would shake your hand but…”

They nod. “Your hands are busy, I get it. I’m Cassandra. Whitestone native. And I know what siblings can be like.” Their eyes are sad.

Vax tries to keep an inviting and smiling face, but it’s not exactly natural to him. He’s not used to this. Out of the two of them, Vex is the charming and open one. She’s the one that gets information, food, good prices and extra help from strangers.

“So you’re the person to ask if I want to know what to do around here in the winter months?” He asks, trying to add a bit of a flirty undertone to his voice.

Cassandra chuckles. “I don’t know. I’m not really a tourist guide, but… The trails can be fun in winter if you’re into cold hikes. Your sister can probably be more helpful than me for this,” they point out. The flirting does not seem to be landing.

“You’re probably right,” Vax shrugs. “I was just… I did some research before coming here, but there’s so little information about this town online…” He explains. “There’s a website, but it hasn’t been updated in what? Five years?”

He’s not lying. The only updated information comes from the TWC website that he knows Vex is somewhat responsible for keeping up to date. The rest is at least five years old. It’s as if the town has stopped evolving and living since then.

Cassandra stiffens slightly. “That’s weird,” they mutter. For some reason, Vax doesn’t believe that it is very weird to them.

“Is there anyone to talk to about that? Like a heritage association or a city council or something?” Vax is trying to fish for information, and hopefully it’s not too obvious.

“No,” Cassandra shakes their head. “There’s no one like that. Whitestone is not… This is not a good city for mass tourism, it’s not a good city for outsiders.” Their jaw is set. “You won’t find anyone to help you, and I’m sorry. But that’s just how it’s been for the last few years.”

“Since the massacre, right? The De Rolo massacre?” Vax pushes a little. “Vex, my sister, told me about it.”

Those words make something ripple underneath Cassandra’s dark eyes, pain and sadness and many other emotions that make Vax feel like he’s just kicked a hornet’s nest. If they were closed off to talking before, they’re now screwed shut, lips tight, ready to flee. And flee they do.

Cassandra takes a step back, shoving their hands into the pockets of their blue coat with uncomfortable determination. It all screams of a deep desire to escape. “Listen, I have to go. It was nice to meet you, Vax’ildan. Good luck with your stay in Whitestone.” They say before sliding away in a hurry.

Vax doesn’t go after them. There’s one thing he knows, and that’s not to run after people who are trying to escape you. He’s been through enough situations where the roles were reversed, and he doesn’t want to be a threat. He’s here to be a charming, smiling person, to get information from people for Vex.

And fuck. He just failed miserably at his first attempt. That entire interaction was a mess and Vax really thought he would be better than this. But Vex wasn’t exaggerating when she talked about the closed offness of the inhabitants of Whitestone. And maybe he'd overestimated his own charming abilities.

Vex comes back eventually, raising an eyebrow at his slightly frustrated face. “Something happened?” She asks curiously.

“I was talking to this person. Cassandra, they said? Dark hair, white streaks around the temples,” he describes.

“I’ve seen them a couple of times before, around some of the temples,” Vex points out. “The one time we talked, they seemed to be in a hurry.”

So that’s a common attitude then, not just something he’s caused. That’s a little bit of a consolation. He recounts the conversation to Vex as they start walking out of the covered market to put their haul into the back of the truck. They have a couple more things to do in town.

Snow starts falling lightly while they’re on the drive back. Vax takes the time to call Gilmore for a few minutes, unsure of whether his cell will have service back at the cabin if there’s snow covering the Alabaster Sierras.

Vex keeps her eyes open the entire trip through town for red hair and antlers. She worries about Keyleth. If she was close to the fiend, as Vex suspected, she is probably not doing good at the moment. She doesn’t know exactly the depths of enthrallment, and how far it changes someone to care for fiends. She hopes it’s not deep enough that the druid is now broken with grief.

But she is nowhere to be seen. Vax hangs up on Gilmore as they turn off of the biggest road and up the mud path that leads to the cabin. There’s a good ten minutes of drive left, maybe even more with the growing wetness of the ground. They’re going to be very thankful for both the fire and the supplies. Vex is glad she decided to go today.

“So what do you think of Whitestone, now that you’ve experienced some of it?” She asks, eyes darting for barely a second to Vax on the passenger seat. He’s looking at the snow like its falling is a personal offence.

“The people are… lovely,” he starts. “But there’s something not quite right in the air. I…” He looks over at her for a moment before looking away. “I admit I thought you were a little paranoid when you were telling me about it.”

Vex’s jaw tightens and she nods slightly, a controlled, small motion.

“You don’t have a great track record at being alone in the woods,” he points out. “You’re doing much better than the last time though. And I can see what you meant, about the heaviness hanging over the city. About the unsaid horrors. That… de Rolo massacre story. That Cassandra person looked quite spooked.”

Vax breathes out as the cabin comes into view at the end of the path. “I’m gonna stay for a little while, if you don’t mind. I don’t like leaving you alone like this, especially with this whole mystery.”

Anger lurches in Vex’s chest for a second, her vision tunnelling, her hands tightening their grip on the wheel. She can handle herself. She doesn’t need Vax to save her again, she’s not going to make the same mistake again. For a moment, it’s all she can think. How dare he come to her rescue again when she doesn’t need him?

But she does need him. Not to save her. But she needs him around. She doesn’t do great without him, they’re a team in all the ways that matter. Having him here right now is the best she’s felt since she arrived. It’s hard for her to reconcile with that anger at his worry but…

She gives him a small smile. “It’ll be nice. Close-quartered but nice.” She nods and parks the truck in front of the cabin.

[vexing-imogen]

Exit, Pursued by a Bear

-my contribution to @folktalesofexandria also on AO3

He doesn’t know who this strange creature is that’s picking him up, she’s certainly not his mama, but he feels safe cradled in her arms. Even though she’s shaking and her face is wet with tears and she smells like the Bad Things, he feels safe. She presses her face against his snout and starts making noises at him.

“It’s alright, darling, I’ve got you,” she says. She scratches behind his ears, and he growls happily. “I’ll take care of you, I promise.” They’re moving now, walking away from his mama. He whines, starts squirming in her arms.

She holds him tighter and keeps walking, but he manages to squirm out of her grasp and run back to his mama. His mama, who isn’t moving, isn’t making noise, isn’t breathing. A twig snaps behind him, and he turns to see Her kneeling on the ground. “I’m sorry, buddy.” A sob. “There was nothing I could do. I’m so sorry.” She holds her arms out for him and he goes to her, lets her bundle him against her chest again. “I may not be your mother, but I’m going to take care of you. I’ll never leave you alone, I promise.”

He believes her.

Trinket wakes from his dream with a snort. He yawns, shakes the remnants of sleep from his head as he ponders his dream. His first memory of Vex. It’s been a frequent dream lately, and he doesn’t know why. It’s confusing, especially for a bear as old as Trinket.

He’s stretching, trying to alleviate aching bones and popping joints, when the chamber door opens and Vex walks in. She beams at him. “There you are, buddy,” she croons, scratching him behind the ears. He leans into her, but not too hard. It takes her so much longer to get up now if he accidentally knocks her on her rump. “I thought you were going to sleep the day away.”

Trinket huffs and butts against her gently. “I know, darling,” she says through a small yawn. “Like I have any room to talk.”

They take a meandering path through the castle and out into the gardens. Vex is resting on one of the small benches when one of the many young de Rolos approaches, a piece of parchment in his hand. Trinket doesn’t remember this one’s name, there are so many and he is a very old bear, but he looks so much like Uncle Vax that it makes Trinket’s heart ache. Vex’s too. She’s told Trinket so many times.

“Grandmother,” he says, handing her the parchment. “Lady Keyleth’s reply came quicker than expected.”

“Thank you, Hugo, darling,” she says, searching her pockets for something.

The lad doesn’t leave immediately. “Did you want any help reading her letter, Grandmother?”

Vex fixes him with a stern look as she locates Papa Percy’s spectacles and adjusts them on her nose. “I’ve got it handled, Hugo,” she says. “I’m not blind. And even if I were, your Auntie Keyleth writes so large, I’d still be able to read it.”

Hugo flushes and fidgets with his cravat. “I apologize, Grandmother. I’ll leave you to it.” He kisses her on the cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she says, her gaze softening. “Now, don’t you have an archery lesson to get to?”

His eyes go wide as he pulls out a pocket watch. “Shit.” He grins at her sheepishly. “I should go.”

“Make me proud, darling,” she calls out as he runs off.

Hugo’s voice echoes through the garden as he calls back, “I’ll do my best!”

“Dear boy,” she says softly, shaking her head with a fond smile. She pets Trinket absentmindedly as she reads Keyleth’s letter, only pausing twice to cough harshly into a handkerchief. “Sorry, buddy,” she murmurs when he makes a noise of complaint.

Vex reads the letter three times before she seems satisfied. Trinket takes the opportunity to doze in the mid-morning sunlight. He daydreams about the early days with Vex; learning to track and hunt, protecting her from bandits, swimming in rivers, playing in fields, sleeping by campfires. His mind wanders to their days with Vox Machina. To adventures in strange places, the monsters they fought, and all of the strange, wonderful things they did as a family.

He doesn’t realize that he’s fallen asleep again until Vex is shaking him awake. There’s a strange expression on her face. Something tired and sad, but determined all the same. She’s kneeling on the ground beside him, and when he tries to ask her what’s wrong, she simply wraps her arms around his neck, buries her face in his fur, and breathes in as deep as she can.

“Come for a walk with me, buddy?” she asks. “Kiki’s waiting for us at your uncle’s shrine.” There’s concern in her eyes as he struggles to his feet, holding back a groan of pain. “Only if you can manage it, darling. I can put you in the necklace if you can’t.”

Trinket snorts, determined to show her that he can still keep up. She’s barely made it to her feet before he’s making his way toward the Parchwood, toward that familiar path that leads to a clearing and a pretty stone bench.

Vex catches up to him, puts a hand on his shoulder to slow his walk. “It’s alright, Trinket, there’s no need to rush.” She smiles down at him. “We have all the time in the world.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Keyleth, Pike, and Scanlan are waiting at the shrine, talking quietly amongst themselves, when Vex finally crests the hill into the clearing. Trinket, who has been stubbornly struggling to keep pace with her, bellows happily and flops down on the grass next to Keyleth. Vex takes a moment to catch her breath while Pike and Keyleth lavish attention on her bear. She pointedly ignores their eyes on her as she settles herself, curling up next to Trinket like she has for decades.

They’ve all gone silent, though Keyleth is still absently petting Trinket’s snout. Up close, Vex can see that Pike’s eyes are red and puffy, Keyleth’s sleeves are stained with tears and snot, and Scanlan is fiddling with his shawm, as if he’s trying to think of the perfect song for the occasion. Her chest aches, and not from the disease that seized her so many years ago and refuses to let go. She’s never wanted to hurt them, which is why she’s so determined now to not drag this out any longer.

Keyleth is the one to break the silence, shaky and uncertain. “Vex, your letter…” She sniffles, hiccups. “A-are you sure?”

She nods slowly, closing her eyes against the tears that spill over when Scanlan’s sob echoes through the clearing.

Pike’s warm hands close around hers, and Vex forces herself to meet her earnest gaze. “You don’t have to give up, Vex,” she says desperately. “There are so many routes we haven’t tried yet. Maybe Sarenrae can-”

“Pike.” She cuts the gnome off gently. “We’ve had forty years to find a cure for this. I don’t think there is one. And I’m so fucking tired, darling.”

“Vex…”

“Just stop, please.” She draws in a sharp breath. “Just listen. I’m so tired. I’ve somehow outlived my brother and my husband and all of my children, and I’m so tired of fighting. I just want to rest.”

“But,” Keyleth starts tentatively, “what about Whitestone? What about your legacy?”

“Percy was the one obsessed with legacy, not me,” she says. “And I think our legacy is well secured, besides. Whitestone is in good hands, Kiki. And I’m little more than an old woman who sees ghosts in the faces of children.”

“Hey now, don’t sell yourself short,” Scanlan says, sniffling. “You’ve also got the best rack of any 133 year-old I’ve met.”

That gets a watery laugh from Keyleth and Pike, punctuated by a loud snore from Trinket. Vex leans back against her bear, tears dripping into his fur as she listens to his heartbeat.

“This decision isn’t just for me,” she says after a few minutes. “It’s for Trinket, too.”

Scanlan frowns. “How does your death help Trinket?” he asks.

Vex sniffles, her tears falling faster. “Barring external forces, Trinket can’t pass on until I do,” she explains. “His life force is bound to mine. He lives as long as I do. He suffers as long as I do.”

“Wait, really?”

“You really didn’t realize?” Pike sighs. “Scanlan, how long did you think grizzly bears could live?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. In case you hadn’t noticed, bears aren’t exactly my thing.”

“Well, I can assure you that 120 years is not a normal lifespan,”  Vex says. She strokes a hand through his gray fur. “He sleeps all the time, he’s in constant pain. He tries to hide it, but I know my buddy. It isn’t fair for me to ask him to keep living like this, but I couldn’t… I could never…”

She dissolves into sobs, muffling her grief in Trinket’s fur until he shifts underneath her, trying to maneuver so he can comfort her. “It’s alright, buddy, I’m alright,” she lies. “You can go back to sleep, darling. Mummy’s fine.” She scritches at a particular spot behind his ears, and after a few minutes, he’s fallen back to sleep.

She looks up from tending to Trinket to find her friends watching her, their eyes full of sympathy. Keyleth is the first one to nod.

“Okay,” she says. “Okay, Vex.”

She wraps Vex in a tight embrace, tears soaking Vex’s hair. “I can’t believe I’m gonna be the last member of Team Half-Elf left.”

Vex laughs. “You always knew you were going to be.” She kisses her softly, then touches their foreheads together. “Kaitiake, Kiki.”

“Kaitiake, Vex.”

Pike approaches next, simply wraps her arms around Vex and cries into her shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she whispers.

“Don’t be,” she says. “You did everything you could.” She kisses the top of Pike’s head. “I love you, Pickle.”

“Love you, too, Vex.”

Scanlan has tears streaming down his face when she hugs him close and whispers, “Take care of them.”

“Of course,” he says, and she feels his lips press against her cheek. “On one condition.”

She arches an eyebrow at him. “And what would that be?”

“I get to light your pyre.”

She sighs, thinking back to the disaster that was Grog’s funeral. “Fine,” she relents. “But if you burn my forest down, I will haunt your ass for eternity.”

“Just my ass?” he says with a salacious waggle of his eyebrows. “Kinky.”

Vex shakes her head. “I’ll miss you, too, you perv.”

Once they’ve all left the clearing, Vex sinks back against Trinket, suddenly exhausted. Without Pike’s healing magic coursing through her, she can feel her lungs starting to seize, making each breath more and more difficult. She takes a breath that turns into a harsh coughing fit that ends with her on all fours, dry heaving. She looks up into Trinket’s worried eyes and wipes blood from her mouth. “It’s okay, Trinket,” she manages, crawling towards him. “We can rest now.”

She curls into Trinket’s warmth and closes her eyes.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Trinket wakes from his nap with a loud yawn, immediately squinting his eyes against the bright light flooding the clearing.

“There you are, sleepyhead!” Vex’s voice calls to him from the path back to Whitestone. “If we don’t get going soon, we’re going to miss lunch.”

Trinket gets up, barely noticing that it isn’t the painful struggle he’s endured for years. He takes a few steps towards Vex, then stops, cocking his head curiously. There must be some kind of magic in this clearing, because his Vex is young again; tall and proud, grinning like they’re about to embark on an adventure.

“What’s wrong, buddy?”

“Nothing,” he answers, shaking the last bit of sleep from his head. Something catches his eye, and he looks back over his shoulder. There’s nothing there. Nothing but a very old bear and a very old woman curled up together by a stone bench. He turns back to Vex, who smiles at him brightly.

“Aren’t you coming, Trinket?”

He huffs and walks over to butt his head against her thigh. What a silly question.

Where else would he go, but with Vex?

[widobravely]

"and they all lived happily ever after” “but how?”

i’ve been trying to think of endgame for the mighty nein and can’t really figure out their happily ever afters. i mean, i hope campaign 2 goes on for a long long time because i fucking love them, but like. how will it work, after. on what page do we close the book?

nott/veth can have a happily ever after. it’s all wrapped up in a beautiful ribbon and button flowers: she gets turned back into a halfling, she goes back to felderwin, she and yeza give luke another two or three siblings, as well as a pet or two that she claims to despise but they all adore her anyway. it’s beautiful, it’s perfect, it’s easy--and i’m not sure if, after all that character development, it’s what’s supposed to happen? 

nott/veth has discovered that all the things she thought she wasn’t--brave, pretty, capable--she absolutely is. i haven’t caught up yet so i don’t know all the details, but those are just details. i imagine that veth grew up thinking all she was going to be was a housewife, or not being a wife of any sort at all, and then she married yeza and she had a son and she was content. yes she still carried around her crippling insecurities, but she was content. and i imagine if the goblins hadn’t come, she’d remain so--unaware of her magical talent, friendless-except-for-yeza, but a damned good mother and content, content, content.

she’s more than who she thought she could be, now. she’s growing into herself. she’s making decisions. she has a group of friends who would die for her. and somehow the thought of going back to a quiet farming town...doesn’t seem right for her, anymore?

she deserves to be happy. i wonder if her old life can make her so, now?

caleb--oh caleb. we know what his ultimate goal is: to turn back time, to change his past, to save his parents. we are terrified of what will happen if he does. i hope very much his happily ever after is instead him choosing to let the past be in the past, apologize to his parents’ ghosts, and move forward with his found family. where does he end up, after? where does he go?

imagining a caleb slotted into the brenatto family: a beloved brother slash uncle figure to luke, often the center of a kitty cuddlepile, warm and safe and loved. that would be nice, wouldn’t it? and maybe a library. or multiple libraries, where he can just. indulge. in his passion for learning and knowledge. he never has to go into combat again, he can just be. learn for the sake of learning. maybe he’d like to teach? who knows. 

but what if he does manage to accomplish his goals. what if he does manage to turn back time. what happens then? bren aldric ermendrud probably never goes to the academy. then what? he’ll never become caleb widogast, either, and he isn’t going to be in a jail cell with a goblin girl and he isn’t going to meet a bunch of lunatics in a bar in trostenwald and--

say for example he intervenes in the raid on felderwin, saving veth. what then? veth doesn’t know him. veth doesn’t need him. caleb and nott: i’m sticking with you ‘cause i’m made out of glue. veth doesn’t have that need because she was never hungry or tired or desperate or a halfling turned goblin. will they still be friends? he saved her and her family’s lives. i don’t know. people smarter than me can meta that. but it will be changed. it will be bren and veth, not caleb and nott. 

say he saves veth. what then? is he going to hunt down beau and jester and fjord and molly and yasha and caduceus? is he going to form an adventuring party without veth? why would he? what drives him? after saving his parents, is he just. going to leave them?

i don’t think caleb has thought out his plan completely, or how his life is going to change after he Accomplishes his Goal. you see, the goal isn’t to bring his parents back to life. it’s to erase what he did. he can’t forgive himself for killing his parents, and it’s not enough to make them live again, he can do that with true resurrection. he wants to make sure he’s never done it. 

but in unmaking that, he unmakes caleb, and thus the mighty nein.

but enough about a hobo wizard who hasn’t thought about the consequences of his actions.

caduceus. i’ve always thought that After Everything, he goes back to the blooming grove. that’s his goal: save the grove. he’s going to be the one to save the grove. he’s going to read the book caleb gave him and he’s going to find something that heals cursed, blighted lands and the nein are going to go on a quest, a caduceus arc, and they’re going to save the blooming grove. 

maybe this: maybe all his family comes back, maybe nila’s firbolg tribe comes to stay, maybe he spends the rest of his long long life making tea and gossiping with nila about how to grow mosses.

but we run into the same problem as we did with veth: is he going to be happy there, in the stillness? in the silence? after his growth, is he going to be able to fit back into the pot?

i don’t know. i guess we’ll see.

beauregard. where does she fit. where does she go? the mighty nein is the only family she’s ever really had. i think if it were up to beau, she’d want to keep going, keep adventuring. but that’s reliant on what the others want, isn’t it? if veth stays with yeza and luke. if caleb unmakes the world. if caduceus, after solving his problem, goes home.

jester i think will want to keep going, too, because she wants to see the whole world, you guys. jester wants to compensate for all those years in a locked room. jester is going to roam and explore and discover and spread the word of the traveler--and it’s the traveler, it isn’t the guy who has a temple in just one place that’s boring. in that case i see beau and jester staying together. they drop by nicodranas every so often to say hey to mama lavorre. yes, of all the nein i can see beau and jester’s happily ever after the clearest: they’re not going to settle down, they have wandering feet, there’s an entire world to see.

it’s not going to be the same, without everyone else. but it could be good, too. 

(point for beaujesters, maybe?)

there are undefined things, there are questions. what about the cobalt soul? what about the expositors? can beau ever go back to the empire? what about her family, her brother? 

but in the end, well. i don’t think beau will ever want to settle down in kamordah and run a vineyard, so. adventuring with jester and spreading the word of the traveler it is! 

i had a wild thought: what if jester takes over the gentleman’s criminal empire? but naaaah, i don’t think jester would like that, so let’s not.

yasha--yasha has no defined goals, no defined end. zuala is dead. zuala could possibly be true-resurrected, but what happens after? do they stay in xhorhas, or go off to explore like beau and jester? actually i can see that happening, too: beau and jester and zuala and yasha, just off to see the world. and what a lovely image: zuala comes back to life, and the first thing she sees is yasha and a book of flowers: i brought you flowers, love. i have so many flowers to show you.

if they true-resurrect zuala. i think a pretty important theme in the nein is moving on, putting the past behind them. nott needs to reconcile with veth’s insecurities and realize she’s more than what she thought she was; caleb needs to forgive himself and let his parents go. i don’t know if zuala’s resurrection would be a good thing or a bad thing. again, smarter people than me can probably meta that.

fjord fjord fjord. what is he going to do, what does he want? he was so happy on the sea. it was like coming home, for him. i don’t think he’ll ever unlock uk’otoa, no--fjord isn’t stupid enough to mess with a scary god-snake i hope, so. what happens to him? 

maybe he finds vandren, maybe together they make amends, maybe they go back to the ball-eater and go sailing off with orly and marius and the rest? that would be nice, too. beau and jester hitch a ride every so often. fjord i think has gotten used to a life of adventure, and sailing is probably never boring. and fjord and vandren can always go diving for treasure. they’re chosen by a water deity, after all.

and molly?

there are two courses of action, i think, and here’s the one i like the most:

all is said and done, after the nein kill the bbeg or solve the ancient mysteries or whatever, jester attempts true resurrection on molly.

and fails.

molly’s main thing is that he hates change. he lives wild and free and hedonistic and he wants to stay exactly that way forever. he disdains lucien/nonagon as someone who occupied this body before him. and his friends? will have grown and changed so much. he only knew them for thirty-nine days and now they’re all so different. i think molly was good with the life he lived, all two years of it, and was happy to go out as he did.

i bet he’s hanging out with vax in the afterlife, trashtalking everyone. and when the nein start dying for real, he’ll be in the welcome party.

but he isn’t going to come back.

the other course of action is of course the happy fairytale ending wherein molly comes back and there’s lots of hugging and he slots in perfectly in the nein, which--doesn’t seem possible to me, but why not! it’s great! molly can go adventuring with his best friend yasha and yasha’s wife, and beau, who has developed a worrying attachment to him, and jester who is so happy to have him back. he’ll go back to living wild and free and hedonistic. 

that story feels a little empty.

no, i much prefer molly staying dead and hanging out with vax and zuala and maybe bren’s parents? and they all watch the nein live happy lives and trash talk them and. just. be at peace. 

to end, let me paint you a pretty picture:

there is a house in nicodranas, not too far away from the lavish chateau. inside of that house are multiple teleportation circles, linking to the blooming grove and zadash and hupperdook and alfield and other places that are important to the nein.

there’s a kettle on the stove and a bunch of teas caduceus left during his last visit. luke is at the table, doing his homework--yeza is in the lab, mashing something, making something, while veth is testing some acids in the other lab.

caleb is curled up in front of the fire, frumpkin purring, reading a book on luke’s current homework so he can answer any questions his nephew(?) might throw at him.

just then the door bursts open and beau, jester and yasha flood in. “heeeeey everyone!” jester calls. “we’re hooooome!”

luke jumps up from the table. “did you bring me presents? did you, did you?”

“so many,” beau says, and mimes staggering under the weight. “little man, you’re getting spoiled.”

jester hugs caleb and says, “you don’t smell stinky!! did you take a bath?” and caleb says dryly, “ja, nicodranas has some very nice bathhouses.”

yasha doesn’t say much, but she smiles at luke, and when veth bustles in and hugs her hello, she drops a crown of exotic, fragrant flowers on her friend’s head.

there’s a knock on the open door, and fjord peeks in. “space for another one?” he asks.

“NO!” veth cries out, and everyone laughs.

just then, the teleportation circle activates, and caduceus steps out, bearing more mosses and tea. “i’m just in time,” he says. “that’s great. that’s really nice.”

and the water is hot, and the tea is made, and everyone’s around the table and laughing and tripping over all the stories they want to tell. jester saw kiri and taught her some new songs! she’s still very sweet. luke misses bryce so they’re going to alfield tomorrow. shakaste stopped by the blooming grove and sends his regards; there’s a letter for beau from keg on the mantle, she finally learned to spell her name. 

there are enough rooms in the house in nicodranas, but somehow everyone ends up bedded down on the floor in the living room, right by the fire. it’s not the tiny hut, but it’s close, what with everyone’s snoring and snorting and occasional kicking.

and they all lived happily ever after. the end.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #205

forget picking song lyrics, i’m going the hell to bed now.

Do you live by yourself? I live with my mom. Do you like cleaning? Does anyone???? Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? I've never watched the series; not even a single movie, actually. So I don't have an opinion. Do you watch PewDiePie? Extremely rarely. He's funny, but I'm not interested in his channel's content anymore. Do you like "Despacito?" My sister showed it to me once when she learned I'd never heard it, and I found zero appeal in it whatsoever. Do you play Pokemon Go? It's a brilliant idea, and I really do wish I could play it, but here where I live, there are like ZERO PokeStops (where you get Pokeballs), even in cities, so it's pretty much impossible. Did you ever color your hair pink? No. Do you like Dr. Phil? I don't watch the show and don't know him as a person. Do you prefer to be inside or outside? Inside. Do you eat meat? Sadly. I'm HOPEFULLY quitting when I get to the weight I want; I wasn't getting the nutrients I needed when I was vegetarian to where my body was desperately clinging to what it had or something like that (basically, my weight wouldn't budge in a couple of months), but even still, I don't know if I could do it without depriving myself again. I'm just such a picky eater. Do you need to do the dishes? Yeah. Not desperately, but. Are you scared of clowns? No. Do you have any subscribers on YouTube? *checks* A very impressive 66. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Do you salt your popcorn? Yes. Do you like McDonald's? Don't even lie to me, you'll eat there. I don't mind it at all. Do you have a Steam account? Yes. Do you like gaming? Not as much as I used to, but yes. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No. I don't consider jumpscares to be genuinely "scary," but rather a natural reaction to surprise, but FNAF's are intense, and I know they'd have me jumping like crazy. That aside, the games aren't of my personal appeal to actually play (though it's a fun game to watch). Do you like horror movies? Yes. Do you like chicken nuggets? I love me my chicken nuggies hunty. Have you ever tried Akinator? Yes. Can you twerk? I don't know and don't care to. Do you like dabbing? It looks stupid to me. The meme of it makes me laugh, though. What was the last country you visited? I've never left the country. Do you know your phone number? No, actually. It is incredibly difficult for me to memorize sequences, and besides, it's not like I give out my number almost ever. Do you swear in front of children? No. What’s your opinion on Brexit? Shit, I don't even remember what it's about. So obviously I can't have an opinion. It doesn't affect me, anyway. If you want children, what are some of your reasons for wanting them? N/A When you cook a dish that has beans in it, do you prefer to use canned or dry beans? I don't cook, and you'll never see me willingly eat a bean. What were some fun experiments you did in science class as a kid? The two that sharply stand out to me are dissecting an owl pellet in elementary and a frog in middle school. Both were SO cool. What was the last strong emotion you felt? Excitement. After finishing a bowl of cereal, do you drink the leftover milk? Only ever if it's Cinnamon Toast Crunch that I ate. And even then, only sometimes. Do you use dry shampoo between washes? No. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done? Overdosing. What’s the most severe allergic reaction you’ve ever had to something? Nothing severe, besides pollen allergies flaring up. What’s your favorite sub-genre of rock? Hard. Who was the last person to get frustrated with you, and why? Mom, but she was more than frustrated. We were having a serious fight about her attitude towards Dad and his wife. What’s something that makes absolutely zero sense to you? Anti-vax shitlords. What’s your phone background? Lock screen is Darkiplier, home screen is Sara kissing my forehead. :'> Have you ever lived with someone you didn’t get along with? No. Do you have a fitness tracker? No. What types of animals have you had as pets? A billion cats, dogs, snakes, lizards, rats, gerbils, guinea pigs, rabbits, fish, box turtles, hermit crabs... and probably more. How well do you understand economics? Have you ever taken an econ class? Not well at ALL. I had one my senior year. What was the last fruit you ate? I had two bites out of a watermelon 'cuz I was really hungry, but we didn't really have anything as a snack. (I fast daily, so I have to watch when my meals are.) I'm not a big watermelon fan, but I hadn't tried these cubes before, and at least it was something. Can you remember your first day of school? I believe I can very faintly... very faintly. I think I had a complete breakdown because of my insane separation anxiety regarding my mom, or it was the complete opposite... alskdfjaweiajr it's like I can kinda see it in the back of my head, but it's super blurry. What’s your favorite movie? The Lion King. It was my favorite as a kid and became so again as an adult just truly acknowledging how damn good and meaningful it is. Plus the soundtrack was a banger. Would you rather jump out of an airplane or go scuba diving? Scuba diving. Do you get bored looking at other peoples’ holiday pictures? Eh. If it's a whole lot, yes, but as a photographer, I enjoy noting which ones I like and why I favor them. Do you give money to charity? Not currently, no. I have no money to give. When I do have a paying job, I plan on definitely donating any time Mark does a charity stream. Are you more into music or movies? Music, easily. When was the last time you went to a swimming pool? WOW. It's been years. Either when I still lived in the apartment or once at Colleen's in-laws', I can't remember which was last. Would you rather have a pet snake or a pet turtle? I have a snake, and I'll take another for sure. Have you ever seen a band live? Who was the last you saw? Just Alice Cooper. Ma and I are seeing Ozzy next year (if the poor man ain't dead), tho!!!! And he's gonna be with Judas Priest and Megadeth. We are NOT going to survive. Do people who use massive amounts of emoticons annoy you? Yes. Emojis, more specifically. If you're writing a sentence and you use an emoji after each and every goddamn word, it drives me up a wall. What was the last clothing item you bought? Underwear, I believe? Or a bra? What does your washing powder smell like? Idk. Normal? Do you have a dishwasher or do you do dishes by hand? By hand, which I cannot explain how much I loathe. It feels disgusting. Are there any cobwebs in your room? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever used a pick-up line and had it work? Ew, I'd never use one to begin with. Have you ever entered a modelling competition? Would you? No to both. The current modelling industry is so, so harmful. Did you keep any drawings/stories from when you were younger? Like around two years ago, I remember going on a mass destruction episode of those super old things, as they embarrassed me horribly, even though I know it had no real reason. Just everything I create embarrasses me. My mom has old school stuff, though. Who did you last have an argument with? Mom today. When was the last time you cooked for yourself? If you include putting things in the microwave with few steps... not that long ago. Maybe two days back. Do you have a safe? Mom does. When was the last time you saw a relative? Mooonths ago when Grammy and her husband were driving through. My brother and his son are visiting real soon, though!! Do you shout out the answers at quiz shows? Yes, lol. Have you ever been in a TV audience? I've been to like three-four hockey games, so yeah. Have you ever entered the lottery? Won anything? No. Well, Mom or Dad would rarely get those scratch-off tickets at random, but the most we've ever got was just like five bucks or so. Do you prefer crosswords or word searches? Word searches. Have you ever drawn on a wall in your house? No. Do you like making collages? No. Have you ever kept a scrapbook? Yeah. What’s your favorite video-game? Silent Hill 2 and Shadow of the Colossus. Sigh, I want a PS4 SO bad to get the SotC remaster. I actually teared up when I saw the opening cutscene for the first time, and I just marveled through the EEEEEEENNNNtire playthrough I watched. It's unbelievable. Do you remember any inside jokes from childhood? Not off the top of my head. I'm tired, don't make me think. Have you ever made up a word? Well, as a writer, I've made up names and places. A word itself, I don't think so. Do you get nervous speaking to people you don’t know on the phone? VERY!!!!!!!! Are you scared of anything irrational? You mean like, half my fears? Do you have a passport? What’s the picture like? No. Have you ever had a full fringe? (bangs) As a kid I did. Is there anything you would never admit to liking? Don't think so. What’s the weirdest craze you can remember? Fidget spinners. Do you use bug spray or fly swatters? Fly swatters. Then we also have this hanging cylindrical sticky... thing that flies and gnats are apparently attracted to with the smell, I guess. Works like magic, though I agree it's pretty cruel. Just stuck there until you die. Are you a clumsy person? Boy, am I. Do you have tiled floors in your house? In three rooms. Do you listen to any movie soundtracks regularly? No. Do you bruise easily? Way too easily. Like normally something simple won't leave behind an obvious one, but even a normal poke in the arm hurts a lot and leaves the spot sore for a good while. I was tested for anemia, but apparently, I don't have it. What would you love to learn to do? Play the electric guitar. Do you prefer monkeys or lemurs? Ehhh... lemurs as far as cute goes, monkeys overall. Do you watch movies based on the actors or the movie plot? The plot. Do you have any phone charms on your mobile? No. What is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? That's a big 'ole honkin' nope. Last time you puked from drinking? Never. Have you ever gotten drunk and danced on a bar? No. What is your favorite simple ice-cream flavor? Vanilla. Though sometimes I prefer chocolate. Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages? Only for dinner. I forgot the science behind it, but one of my meds for bipolarity only works to its full effect after ingesting at least 350 calories; I only get about a 20% effectiveness of the medicine when eating less. I know it sounds weird, but my psychiatrist is a goddamn genius, and I trust every word that comes out of his mouth. When was the last time you slept on the floor? Two years ago when I was living with Colleen and I didn't have a blow-up mattress yet. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? When???????????????? do I?????????????? not???????????????????????????????????? Do you wear flip-flops? That's pretty much all I wear just about year-round... I remember in 7th grade, one of my teachers asked me about it a lot and I just told her I didn't mind the cold, which was true. Pretty sure she thought I was lying and was too poor to buy new clothes or something, as she gifted me socks one day, which I thought was incredibly sweet. I miss my 7th grade teachers. Best school year. Who was the last person to kiss you on the cheek? Pretty sure my niece Aubree when saying bye. What is your favorite sauce to eat with spaghetti? Normal Prego sauce, I think. Have you ever seen a magic show? A little one as a kid. When was the last time you vomited and why? Months and months ago when I was testing a medication. Quit that shit real fast, as it made me sick so many times. Where do you usually sit when you eat dinner? Uhhh I eat in my bed usually, lmao. We almost never sit at the table. I normally do if Mom's there, though. How often do you get headaches? Ugh, often. Why did you call the last person you called? I was calling back about my job application that I was supposed to hear about yesterday. How many windows are in the room you’re in? Two. Do you have Facebook friends that you’ve never actually met? Yes. When was the last time you had your photo taken professionally? Not since senior pictures, pretty sure. I hated how it came out. I have a lazy eye when I smile, gah. How long does it take you to get to school or work? Currently N/A. Let’s say you had a baby with the last person you kissed? We're both female, so. And neither of us want kids anyway. When was the last time you completely broke down? A couple weeks ago in a totally random and severe panic attack. Do you have someone you can spill your heart out to? Yeah. Is there a person that you would do absolutely anything and everything for? No. I'm not gonna, say, murder someone just because they want me to. What’s something you really want right now? To go and get my tattoo cleaned up by a more professional artist alsdkjfalwei. I got the approximate cost, I just have to wait until I can afford it. This tattoo is so so so important to me and it needs to be perfect. What is your relationship status? Taken. What was the longest time you’ve wasted on a certain person? Not even two weeks lmao. I said yes to dating mostly out of fear of hurting his feelings, and he QUICKLY proved he was NOT for me. Are you listening to music right now? Yeah, my iTunes is on shuffle. Anyone you would like to get things straight with? I wouldn't want to be friends I don't think, but I REALLY want to see Jason one final time to tell him how sorry I am. I recently acknowledged just how fucked up I treated him after the breakup; he wasn't the only one who made mistakes. I sure as hell did. He deserves to hear it badly. I do believe our last talk was a good ending, but I feel me finally admitting that I fucked up would be the perfect one. What was the best thing that happened to you today? Seeing Dad for his birthday. When was the last time you did something for the first time? I talk-talked to some WoW friends a couple days ago, though very very briefly. I couldn't figure Discord push-to-talk out and I ended up panicking lmao. What color are the last new pair of pants that you bought? Black. Is your room clean? I should dust and vacuum, but the latter doesn't currently work. List all the countries you’ve visited.  I've never left America. At what age would you allow your kids to dye their hair? Shit, whenever they wanted tbh. So long they sounded serious about it and it wasn't just a brief episode of "oh this would be cool." Which fast food place do you eat at the most? Hm. Wendy's or Sonic. When was the last time you weren’t lonely? Jesus fucking Christ, who knows. What kind of movies do you like? Horror, fantasy, Disney/kids' films, comedies, rom coms, and emotionally moving ones. Bats are not spooky or are they? They're adorable, omg. Do you think blue is a gay color? Fuck off. What's your opinion on gays? Fuck off harder. Do you like the song "Womanizer"? Don't even talk to me if you don't. Where is your favorite place to get fries? You can't live your fullest life without having Bojangle's fries at least once. Do you know anyone who was raised by their grandparents? Idk. Have you ever made your own pie from scratch? No. Who was the last person you had an in-depth conversation with? Sara. What was the last fast food item you ate? A hot dog. What is your favorite gaming console? You know PS2 was the best, you know it. What was the last major city you visited? Raleigh, if that even counts. Do you always have a stock of alcohol in your house? No. Have you ever had a pumpkin latte and if so, did you like it? I hate everything pumpkin-flavored. Is there an antique store in your town or city? I think so... Have you ever been to a baby shower? My sister's. Maybe others', but idr. Do you know anyone who has been to rehab? Pretty sure yes. How many romantic relationships have you been in so far? Genuinely "romantic" ones, two. Would you consider yourself to be a picky eater? I am 99% sure I am the pickiest human being to ever live. Have you ever lived in a house with a pool in the yard? Not a built-in one. What color is your toothbrush? Blue. Do you have gluten intolerance or know anyone who does? I know a few people. Have you ever slept in a car overnight? No. Have you ever fainted? Yes. Do you avoid conflict as much as possible? YUP. Do you like ice cream cake? I'm not a big fan. Have you ever made out with someone of the same sex? Yes. Where is your second home!? The place I'm second-most comfortable is probably Sara's. What song always makes you sad? I avoid listening to "The Mortician's Daughter" by Black Veil Brides unless I just really, really want to hear it. I always tear up due to memories. Have you ever played a game that required removing your clothes? No. Where is your favorite place to be kissed? Breasts and neck. Were you mean as a little kid? No. Who was the last person you hung out with? Dad. What is your mother’s name? Donna. What is your favorite song at the moment? I've been in true love with a heavy metal cover of "Invincible" from the WoW soundtrack for like a full month. What day will you never forget? The breakup night. Suicide attempt. My niece and nephew being born. Meeting Sara. Getting Teddy. First time hanging out at Jason's. 16th birthday. Alice Cooper concert. Putting Dale and Cali down. There's a lot. What was the last thing you took a picture of? Some crazy shit on FB to show Sara. Something you're looking forward to? Getting a goddamn job. What is God teaching you right now? Lul. What does Notre Dame Cathedral mean to you, and how has its fire affected you? I was devastated to hear about it; it was the one event that actually got me paying attention to the news. It is a monument of incredible art and history, and for Catholics, a house of their god. I am so thankful the damage wasn't too tremendous. What’s the last dumb decision you made that you beat yourself up over? I dunno. Surprisingly. What’s your favorite version of the Bible to read? N/A If applicable, do you underline verses in your Bible? N/A When was the last time you went to church? Not since Colleen had her extreme Christian phase two years ago. What’s the last song you listened to on repeat? "Radio" by Rammstein. That new album's gonna be bangin'. Does your town’s hospital have a good reputation? NOPE. It sure does not. I have no issue with the psychiatric care unit there, though. Every time I went to the ER for suicidal thoughts or the attempt, they were sweethearts to me. But as far as physical health, they do NOT have a good rep. I know someone's grandfather that nearly fucking died thanks to them, and I can't recall what it was exactly, but Mom had some complaints during her kidney cancer treatment. What is your hometown known for? Crime. Are you longing for and missing a toxic person? I honestly miss Colleen sometimes, but I can't go back to her. I can't. I'm done giving her more chances than she deserves. It was nice to actually have someone to hang out with, but she is just overall not a pleasant person. What’s your greatest longing? Financial stability, probably. Have you ever read a Bible verse and thought, “this isn’t true”? BOY HOWDY- What are you behind on? Being an adult. I am 23 and a SOOOOOORRYYYYYY excuse for one. Is there someone who’s stolen from you and never got caught? Yes. Someone stole our basketball hoop from my childhood home. Have you been lonely for most of your life? Most of my life, no. What color is your sleeping bag? I don’t have one. When was the last time you used a sleeping bag, and what for? When I lived with Colleen and slept on the floor for a bit. Do you live near the woods? Yeah, there's woods across the road. What do you want to be for Halloween this year? List 1-3 ideas. I wanna be the dumb blonde witch from Hocus Pocus, lmao. A pastel vampire would be pretty cool. And Rhett from the "Sleep Tight" video has instilled in me the great desire to be a steampunk toothfairy at least once. List five things people have been jealous of you for. Idk. List five things you have felt jealous of other people for. More than anyone, a friend of many friends' photography success when I can genuinely and modestly say I really think I'm better than her. That is easily the worst envy situation I've dealt with (and still do), as this is the one that is actually almost spiteful, wrong as that is. Then I have another friend who is a FANTASTIC photographer as well and is now a professional one in the fashion industry, I believe. Then there was a girl I went to school with called Cailin whose drawing skills were naturally INCREDIBLE since elementary school, and I remember back then, me and her would always get the most attention for our work, but she did moreso, but I wanted to be the "best" artist. Once I hit high school I just had great respect for her talent. Next, one of my former best friends Hannia was a natural GENIUS that got perfect scores on LITERALLY almost anything; she had the highest GPA in the entire school, while I was right behind her. And uhhhh five... I have been and still am jealous of my sisters for being proper, successful adults. What is your favorite shade of brown? Like a caramel tone, I guess? What color is your toilet seat? White. Would you rather live in an apartment or a house? Definitely a house. What’s one thing you had growing up that you miss now? Energy. Do you prefer kale, lettuce, or spinach? Lettuce. Do you listen to instrumental bands such as Hammock, Trentemoller, etc.? No. Have you ever gotten a manicure or pedicure? Just because my sisters went and Mom wanted me to hang out with them. I may have with my old friend, too. Have you ever self-harmed? Yeah. Never the answer. Do you have any eating disorders? No. I'm afraid of developing one once I (hopefully) get to the weight I want, though. Have you ever met a celebrity? No. Do you like Monster Energy or do you prefer other energy drinks? I hate energy drinks. They taste like poison. Do you plan on getting married? Yeah. Do you want kids? That's a big fat nope. What’s your sexual orientation? I don’t judge. Bisexual. At what time of day do you normally feel the best? The morning. Name one reason why someone should not commit suicide. YOU. CAN. GET. BETTER. Seek professional help if you feel suicidal, and after what I understand is a serious struggle, you truly can go into the light at the end of the tunnel. You've got, to our understanding, one shot at this. Don't end it when there is a possibility for a beautiful future. If you’re unhappy, what would it take to make you fulfilled? Have a job and be in school. Name someone you know who is a cancer survivor. My mom. Are you friends with any cancer survivors? I don't think so. Do you wish the sunrise and sunset lasted longer? Hm. Sunset, maybe. Idk. Name a country whose history you know nothing about. Lmao most. What is your favorite store at the mall? Hot Topic. Do you have a bed or do you sleep on a mattress on the floor? I have a bed. When was the last time you went for a run? Shit, not since high school gym. Do you keep Christmas lights up year-round? No. What did you win a scholarship for? Nowhere. What type of bug do you see the most often in your home? Flies. Do you put off things until the last minute? I tend to. Is your mom the same size as you? No, I'm smaller. Do you know any Christians who aren’t judgmental? No shit. Do you still think of that Gwen Stefani song when you spell bananas? Ha ha yup. Do you like the way your hair naturally is, or do you change it? It's fine. But I want it dyed badly. Do you know anyone who died accidentally by doing something stupid? Yes. How many different languages have you taken in school? Latin and German. How tall is your father? (Estimate?) Idk. Over six feet. Would you meet Miley Cyrus if you had the chance? No. What is your favorite slow song? Oh yeesh. Idk. Maybe "See You On The Other Side" by Ozzy. Do you believe in karma? No. Do you constantly check your cell phone? No. Only Sara or Mom ever text me, and I pick it up just if the green light is blinking (means I have a message). If there were aliens on earth, would you be afraid? Well yeah. If you could spend 1 hour 20 years in the future, would you? Yes. I want to see where I am, so long as I can change my behavior to improve that future if needed. Otherwise, I don't wanna know. Are your pets asleep? Teddy probably is, Bentley might be, idk where Roman is, but he likely is, I can't see Mitsu from where I am currently, Venus may be (no eyelids, so you never know) as she's in her rock, and Kaiju is awake. Have you ever wished you were an only child? Never. Have you ever hurt someone on purpose? Yes. Have you ever gotten hurt while sledding? No. Do you enjoy going through old pictures? It depends on the subject of them and my mental state. Kid pictures I'm always up for, high school ones are okay, though they can make me really upset with how healthy and skinny I was, and I deleted all photos I had on Facebook of Jason and me last year so I couldn't even risk looking at them ever again, as there's a good chance some would trigger my PTSD. Of all your exes, who do you think you had the deepest feelings for? Jason, obviously. Do you tend to have a lot of drama in your life? I have the most uneventful, bland life. No. When’s the last time someone was disappointed in you? Idk. What song are you listening to right now? Is this one of your favorite songs? "Alone I Break" by Korn. No, but I love it. What is something you have to explain a lot? My sweating issue. Gross to talk about, but I sweat seriously excessively, like you would not believe. It can be 70 degrees and I'll be sweating in seconds. People worry about it, and in VR, I've had to explain it so many times due to it affecting suitable jobs (I think we can all agree being drenched in sweat at work looks extremely bad). Hopefully I won't have to anymore when my doctor decides what to do about it. It's most likely a thyroid issue, which I have no clue about how to subdue symptoms of. There's really a shitload I have to explain lately between doctors and VR... Which compliment do you receive the most? From those that know me/see me, that I'm losing weight. From people in general, "I love your hair" or something like that. Who were you last on the phone with? My sister. What is one thing you have always wondered? Uh. Idk. I'm sure there's a lot, just nothing's coming to me atm... What do your friends think about the music you listen to? Your family? My friends and I like similar stuff, as do my parents, especially Mom. My sisters are the total opposite of me and don't enjoy metal and the like at all. Has anyone ever told you to grow up? Essentially. Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? Hell no. How many true friends do you have? Excluding family and my girlfriend as they're more than that, like... one or two, it feels like most of the time. Can you honestly say you’re happy right now? No. What is something you are exceptionally bad at? Doing math in my head or spelling up there. AND READING LIPS. Do you have a house phone? No. Who do you love more than anyone right now? Don't make me choose between Mom and Sara. How much money do you have saved up? I literally have $11. Do you like bright/neon colors? Yes, but I prefer pastel. What is your favorite wild animal? Meerkats. Do you ever eat breakfast? I almost always do. Do you remember who your first grade teacher was? Yes. Have you ever won any trophies? What for? Yeah, for A honor roll all through elementary school (save for 5th grade; I got one B and was so upset, lmao), then in all kid sports I played, everyone got lil ones, some from dance I believe, and I think there's one or two others I'm not thinking of...

[otdderamin]

Fiction: Pandemonium, CR C1 Ep115

CONTENT WARNING: Mental health crisis

SPOILERS: End of Campaign 1

I've been thinking about this since the end of campaign 1. There were an awful lot of lose threads for Percy's mental health between the last scenes of the campaign and the epilogue. Descriptions of Pandemonium sounded like a terrible place to put someone in Percy's state. I am going off my existing theory about Percy's mental health.

Story

Vex and Percy camped in the woods the night Vax died. The day Sylas got away, and she'd helped kill Cassandra, and they'd battled Vecna the ascended, and he'd tried to fight The Raven Queen. They got drunk and cried themselves exhausted. She fell asleep being held by him. She woke up alone in the hours between late and early.

Hers was the panic of finding him, the day before, alone on the steps on the verge of throwing his life away for a shot at hurting Death. She found him sitting outside in the damp cold. He said he couldn't sleep and didn't want to wake her. He'd been sleeping badly since they’d found the Briarwoods alive. She managed to coax him back in the tent. She tried not to mind how fitfully he slept.

They slept late. It wasn't the respite they were hoping for, and they packed up their gear disheartened. They had to go back to the grim reality of everyday life eventually.

Instead, they found Keyleth waiting anxiously by their door. She told them Grog had pulled a card and gone catatonic in the night. Pike, JB, and Scanlan were researching what had happened. Vex took Percy's hand. He was staring off at nothing looking crushed. She said she'd join the research. Percy said he had to resupply in the workshop. There was a note of panic in his voice. He brushed off their concern. He was fine. He had to be.

He looked exhausted at dinner in the castle. He'd already been drinking. He picked at his food and ate little. He was quiet while they talked about their findings. All of them were drinking heavily that evening. Two missing seats haunted the room. Percy passed out at the table, never making it to bed.

Vex found him in the workshop early the next morning, hard at work. She brought him a mug of coffee. He hadn’t changed and looked disheveled. His energy was off, frenetic but dragging. He'd been hit hard by the last few days and it was showing. He didn't leave the workshop all day.

At dinner they reported they knew what had happened to Grog and where he was. Tomorrow they'd figure out how to get there. Percy tried to be cheered by that glimmer of hope. His appetite was better.

He broke down crying in their room. Even if they got Grog back, he'd lost so many people. Cassandra's death was eating at him. She gently joked they were even now. He laughed grimly, but it turned back to tears. Everyone was at risk because of them. She held him and said, "We’ll save them, then. We’ll build better defenses and wards." But he was right to worry, and she knew it. It hung between them. She cried for her own losses and he tried feebly to console her. He finally fell into an uneasy sleep, overwhelmed by exhaustion, and woke late.

They made a plan the next day. They briefed everyone for what was known about Pandemonium, then split to prepare. Percy packed all four hip flasks and two bottles of whiskey. He rebraided Vex's hair tightly, and added the black feather left on their windowsill. They saw a similar feather newly tied to Keyleth's antlers, taken as a sign from Vax. Cassandra saw them off from the castle foyer, looking worried.

 Pandemonium was more intense than they imagined. The yawning caverns were pitch black. Even with their lights they could barely make out the far side. The bewildering gravity pulled to the walls instead of towards one ground. Winds howled through the tunnels. They had to yell even over the earpieces.

They located the Styx and followed it for a while. Vex found flying low, while tricky, was less disorienting than walking. The gnomes rode Keyleth as a bronze dragon while Percy and Vex rode the broom. He lost his lunch after they went through a corkscrew of weird gravity. When they stopped to orient themselves, he chased a long drink of water with his flask. He struggled with the roar. He picked at his food. He slept badly, waking up twice from nightmares, screaming.

Day two was nearly a repeat of the first, but longer and more grueling. They fought a group of bugbears whose souls were locked there. He floundered in the battle. His aim was off. Animus jammed three times before breaking. He took hard hits from the psychic damage. The crack of Bad News was magnified in the caverns. His ears rang so badly, he could barely hear them. The healing spells helped, but not completely. He was moody and out of it by the time they stopped. He slunk off to the workshop to fix his gun. He ate little with great effort. He turned in early but tossed and turned anxiously before slinking off to read.

Keyleth found him in the library early in the morning, hunched in a chair spaced out. His eyes were red, and there were tear streaks on his face. Half the whiskey bottle was gone. She asked if he was alright and needed to talk. He said he'd be fine. They just had to get through this. He sounded distant. He tried to be subtle about adding whiskey to his coffee at breakfast. Vex and Pike caught it, and shared a glance, but said nothing. He looked tired but moved with an inattentive, hasty energy. She helped him fix the buttoning on his vest. Pike kept up on the healing spells.

Two more days passed as they tried to pick their way through the caverns. The constant gale was getting to all of them. Scanlan’s singing and verbal spells barely carried. Percy seemed more affected than the rest. He was badly stressed, distracted, making mistakes, and taking stupid risks. When he broke his silence, he was rushed and rambley. His jokes were cutting and harsh. The punchline was still being alive.

He did his best to force himself to eat. He seemed more and more fey. He held Vex when she broke down crying for her brother. He stroked her hair, but all he found to say was, "I'm so sorry." He didn't cry with her. He sounded numb and hazy.

They were getting close on the sixth day. The tunnel became narrow. The weird gravity made it too hard to fly. Vex took the lead as their best scout. When the terrain ahead got treacherous, they stopped for lunch. Vex watched Percy stop short, look around confused, and sit where he was with his elbows on his knees, apart from the others.

She knelt beside him and asked, "Darling, can I get you something?" He didn’t respond, just stared blankly ahead. She gently laid her hand against his cheek, and called louder, "Darling, are you okay?" He didn't melt into her touch. He didn't react at all. He seemed oblivious to everything around him, and she was suddenly terrified.

She felt the weight of the others looking on with concern. She cast Cure Wounds, praying some injury had brought this on. She wasn't surprised when it found nothing to heal.

"I didn't see any spell or trap," offered Keyleth. "I was behind him all day. I have Greater Restoration prepared."

"Do it," said Vex, her voice breaking. "Maybe it will help." She didn't sound convinced. She sat back to let Keyleth work, taking his hand.

Keyleth placed her palms on either side of his face. She concentrated until a light like spring growth and autumn leaves washed over him. There was a flicker of relief, and then pain. As Keyleth took her hands away, he started crying, shuttering, and panicked. He pulled his hand away and curled further into a ball of misery. He was nearly incoherent except to faintly repeat, "I can't..."

Keyleth was shocked. "Percy?"

"Get the mansion up! He can't stay out here," called Vex, stress and concern flooding her voice. She laid a hand gently on his shoulder, and said soothingly, "Darling it's alright. You're going to be alright. We're going to get you inside." The minute to cast the spell felt like an eternity.

He resisted when they tried to help him up, recoiling wretchedly. Finally Vex popped Trinket out and asked Percy if she could use it on him. He made no reply but disappeared when she tried. She carried him to their room, bare of decor at her request, and released him towards the bed. He sat down hard. A strange high-pitched noise filled the room. It took her a moment to realize it was a sound of deep distress from Percy.

"Darling it's alright. You're going to be alright."

The others milled about the hall, too worried to go far. Eventually Vex motioned Keyleth back in to help her. Percy sat in a quiet daze on the edge of the bed. They got off his outer layers, his armor, and his boots. Keyleth started to see the grim practice in what Vex was doing. She let the silence hang between them until Vex said she'd get the rest.

They sat awkwardly outside a long time taking off their own gear, before Keyleth said, "Why didn't we do anything? We all knew he wasn't alright."

"Have any of us been okay with all this?" asked Scanlan.

The silence spoke for them.

Vex looked worried and worn when she eventually came out.

"How is he?" asked Pike.

"He's resting. I don't want to leave him alone for long, but there's nothing I can do and I'm starving."

"Vex…" Keyleth struggled for words. "I saw in there… This isn't the first time."

Vex stared guiltily at the floor before leaning into Keyleth's offered hug. "It was bad after the dragons. Never this bad. We pushed ourselves hard because we had to. We all knew the cost of failure. I kept telling myself I was worrying too much, but I should have done more.

"His depression crashed, but he was also manic. Like he's been since we found Delilah. He shut himself away in his workshop for days but made little progress. He couldn't focus or think clearly. He got frustrated, upset, and careless. He got hurt a couple times. Sometimes I'd find him just drinking alone and crying. He pushed me away. Said he couldn't do it anymore. That was that for a couple months. There were a few nights I was afraid…"

"Eventually it seemed to lift. He was calmer, more productive. Clearer and sharper. He went back to work improving Whitestone. We started over again. Maybe a little impulsively, but we didn't want to waste more time.

"We felt like there was something left to do. We were waiting for another mission, but not this. The Briarwoods threw him. He's been struggling since. I don't think he let any of us see how much. It was all so fast.

"I think Cassandra… even though we brought her back, then Vax…" her voice broke, "then Grog getting trapped was too much. Like it would never just be over or safe. Like the last year of getting better didn't happen." She was crying. "I don't want to lose him, too."

Pike gently took her hand. "I'll go sit with him. You get something to eat. Take off your armor." She left before Vex could protest. Vex did her best to take care of herself before worry overtook her and she went back to do what little she could for him.

The others tried to make a plan for the next day. Worry won out over the mission. They'd take another day here. Grog wasn't going anywhere as best they could tell. Pike observed the Restoration spell had some effect. He was doing so badly it was worth trying again.

Percy slept fitfully and late. The time to renew the mansion was getting near when Pike tried Greater Restoration. The wave of peace lasted longer. He seemed more aware of his surroundings. He put himself together enough to go outside. But even the minute back in Pandemonium was overwhelming and draining. He collapsed back into bed and curled up crying.

They debated what to do. It was too risky to send him back alone with Planeshift, and too risky to be down two people. If they had to, they’d cast fly on Trinket and put Percy in the necklace. He was still far too fragile to set out tomorrow. They'd wait another day. Pike would try Greater Restoration again before dinner. It was expensive and incremental, but it was working.

He started coming back to himself after the next round of spells. He said, "Thank you. Both of you. I'm sorry I haven't been myself. I'm sorry I've been a burden. I…" Vex hugged him and reassured him. However hesitantly, he relaxed into her arms and tried to believe her. He ate well. For the first time in many days he got a good night's rest.

After the morning spells he was brighter, more lucid. He spent the day reading with Vex and Keyleth in the library. He made light conversation. It was clear he was still far from alright, but the very worst of it had passed.

He continued to improve with the evening and morning spells. His appetite was better. His nightmares were milder, though he'd flipped to sleeping very long. He didn't look so pale or so exhausted. After checking in with him, they decided to continue their journey.

The rest of the quest was uneventful, if slower. Percy was still struggling. They could only stay out a few hours before he began to glaze over and dissociate. Keeping up with Greater Restoration helped, but it could only fix so much so fast, it was expensive, and they had to start rationing the supplies quickly. He was still drinking more heavily than the rest of them. But by the time they released Grog, he was back to his usual cutting wit. He teased Grog about losing an arm. Vex wondered how much of himself felt missing.

When they Plane Shifted back to the center of Whitestone, he hugged the Suntree and said, "Never again. I'm never going back to that horrible place for any reason. I'd rather go back to Hell."

 His recovery was slow. He took another week off his duties as Sophist of Native Ingenuity. When he tried to get back to work, he couldn't focus. He overslept. He zoned out in meetings. He couldn't understand plans through the brain fog. He took another week off, then two, then a leave of absence. He was gone nearly a year. He hated it. He hated feeling useless. He hated feeling like a burden. But Vex was right that he wasn't in fit shape to do it.

And so it went over the next two years of slowly piecing himself together after years of breaking. Keyleth made the trip back to Whitestone for Greater Restoration once a week, or any time he had a crisis. The magic helped a lot, but even magic couldn't undo everything at once. With need and resources, Whitestone was the first to start developing psychotherapy separate from temple work. Cassandra and many of Vox Machina were happy to participate.

Keenly aware of the privilege and community that allowed them help, Percy and Vex drew up a plan to lower barriers for all. When the final plan was put forward, the Chamber of Whitestone voted unanimously for socialized medicine out of taxes on timber and Whitestone production.

A lot was done with more careful study of plants and minerals. The discovery of a lithia spring in the mountains was a boon for Percy's health. Keyleth's regular visits could be cut back to once a month.

However slowly, the pain of the past started staying there. The future, with family, friends, and a prospering home, had begun to flourish.

If you’d like earlier access to my work, follow my blog at deramin.net.

If you like this transcript, consider buying me a coffee (ko-fi.com/otdderamin). I’ve been working on these while struggling to adjust to disability. Donating helps me justify spending time on these projects.

[eponymous-rose]

Fic: Foresight (Vax, Vex, ensemble)

[AO3 | FFN | More Fic]

In his memory, Vax is forever locked in a moment (in a moment in a moment).

Major spoilers for episode 102.

Foresight

SPRING

In his memory, Byroden is forever locked in springtime.

Warm light glints off sun-dappled leaves, distracting the eye from even the most vivid of wildflowers that pitch and sway with the wind-blown grasses. He's young, sitting in the dirt and watching his sister methodically pull up strands of grass and release them into the wind to flutter and flicker away. He's thinking about Jerren, the kindly old man next door who'd died last week. He's thinking about his mother leaning in close with tears in her eyes and saying, "I'm so sorry, but he's not coming back," he's thinking about what it means to end and to make other people feel sorry, he's thinking about what it means to go and not come back.

"I never want this to end," he says.

Vex just looks at him, pulling up another handful of grass. "I'm getting hungry. We gotta go in sometime."

"I mean, I'm gonna remember this when I'm two hundred years old," Vax says. "This day, today. The way the sun looks and the grass looks and the sky looks."

She grins. "You'll definitely forget."

"It's not fair that it ends and then it's just over." He pokes her in the shoulder. "Stop pulling up the grass, Stubby."

Without breaking eye contact, Vex grabs a bigger handful, opens her hand palm-up, and lets the wind take it away. "I'm setting it free."

He grabs her arm when she reaches down again. "You're killing it. It's not good for it."

She stops, cocks her head to the side. "Are you crying?"

"No. Shut up." He pulls back from her arm as though burned. "It's just grass."

Vex lets the few remaining strands of grass flutter out of her hand; he looks away, swipes irritably at his eyes, and sits in silence until he feels Vex's shoulder bump up against his. She sighs. "I miss Jerren, too. And if you forget about today when you're old and doddering and still all those long minutes older and dodderier than me, I'll remind you. It's not over yet."

He leans into her shoulder, and this is the image that sticks: sitting in the dirt with his sister's warmth to his side, chasing away the last remnants of chill in the early-spring air, breathing through his mouth so he doesn't sniffle too loudly, watching stray strands of grass flutter and catch amid the waving sea of wildflowers below.

When they run, years later, they don't go straight home; they meander instead, exploring the novelty of isolation together through the end of an unkind winter.

By the time they do find the rubble of their home, exhausted and heartsick, spring has pressed the last of the snow away, and Vax sits for a very long time on the charred stonework and tries to build the place back up in his memory, every misremembered pebble a betrayal. Vex paces, Trinket rumbling his worry at her side, and Vax listens to the soft tread of his sister's boots on the grass, heavier and more sure than the footsteps he remembers.

Another sound, more familiar: a slow wrenching, the snap-snap-snap of strands of grass coming out of the ground. Before he can turn around, she's yanked back the collar of his tunic and dumped a handful of torn-up grass down the back of it.

He yelps, "What the fuck, Vex?" twisting and swatting at her hands, and she backs away with something that's not quite a laugh or a sob, beaming at him with watery eyes above the hand she holds up to hide her smile as he twists and wriggles, cursing vehemently and shaking the grass out of his clothes.

When he's finally given up on the last few itchy strands, he slumps back into the dirt, staring into the sun until his sister steps over him, eclipsing the too-bright light. "Told you I wouldn't forget."

He breathes the unfamiliar scent of ashes and closes his eyes, tries to recapture a bright, sun-dappled field in his memory. "Never wanted it to end."

He hears the new set in her jaw even before he opens his eyes and sees it. "No," she says. "It's not over yet."

SUMMER

Vex fades in Syngorn like the grasses in a drought, color and life and vitality bleeding from her.

Vax remembers studying some of the less boring ancient elven poets, remembers the theory of temperamental balance, and that's what comes to mind whenever he looks at her: strength and rage fading from her and blooming, inevitably, within him.

"I don't like what this city makes of us," he mutters, elbows propped against the windowsill, staring out at the wavering heat of the unimpressive view from their unimpressive room in an unimpressive house in an unimpressive neighborhood in a whole fucking unimpressive town. His hands are still shaking.

"No, it was–" Vex sighs, slumping back onto her bed with such force that the wood creaks alarmingly. "You weren't wrong. Our illustrious father is indeed a fuckwit, a bastard, and a... what was it?"

Vax can feel his ears going pink, thrumming with his too-fast heartbeat. "I don't remember."

"I think it was 'fuckface from fucksville, fuckandria'. Something terribly eloquent, anyway."

"He's not worth the effort of eloquence," Vax says. "Going to limit my vocabulary accordingly."

"Just the one word, then?"

"Even that's a stretch." In spite of himself, he can feel a smirk twisting his lips. "I'll give him the 'f' and the 'u' next time, but that's all."

"Mm," Vex says, noncommittally.

Normally she's about the only person who goes along with his shitty attempts at humor, so he glances over his shoulder, and isn't entirely surprised to see her curled away from him, covering her face with her hands, shoulders shaking. "Hey," he says, and settles cautiously on the edge of the bed next to her.

"No," she says, voice quavering. "You were right. I don't like what this city makes us into. I don't want to think about what we're going to become at the end of it. I don't want to be angry all the time."

Vax pulls his knees up to his chest. "I think that's not something we really get to decide. I mean, we can leave someday, fuck this place, but before that I think Mom will–" He closes on his mouth on that thought so quickly that his teeth clack against each other.

Vex curls back to look at him with puffy eyes. "You think she's coming back for us."

Vax chews at his bottom lip for a moment, then blurts out, "She wouldn't abandon us here. Not if she knew."

"I don't know that it's up to her. Syldor didn't make it sound like it was up to her." Her voice takes on an elaborate, over-the-top snooty air that never fails to make him smile, no matter how shitty he's feeling. "He came back to retrieve his property."

"Yeah, well, shipment damaged in transit," Vax says. "And anyway, if it's not up to her, then maybe it's up to us."

Vex's half-cocked smile fades, and she sits up, scrubbing at her eyes with the palm of her hand. "Yeah," she says. "Maybe it is. You think there's another option?"

There's a sense of the ground shifting beneath him, like just he's set something into motion, something heavy and ponderous that'll only pick up speed the farther it falls. Maybe not temperamental balance, then, but two embers giving off enough heat to keep each other alight in the cold. He squares his shoulders. "I think there's always another option."

That afternoon, when Vex fucks up her arithmetic lesson, their instructor says, "Well, I suppose perhaps we should know by now to manage our expectations."

Vex says, softly, "All right," and only Vax sees the new fire raging behind her eyes, and hears her whispering, under her breath like a prayer, "There's always another option."

It's an ugly fight in the summer heat, years later, as they battle alongside the ragged beginnings of the mercenary band that would become their family.

His sister has already taken a bad hit, the result of one goblin's lucky knife-throw at the start of the melee, and while Vax can still hear the hiss of arrows zipping past, even louder to his ears is the uneven, labored rattle of her breathing. He's not much better off, with no cover from which to strike, and all he can do to ward off the uneven number of attackers is to slash frantically at enemies that are too quick and nimble not to see him coming.

The realization hits him, hard, even as the goliath snarls a surprisingly civil, "Mind if I cut in?" and shoves past him, cleaving three goblin heads with a single swing of his greataxe:

Left to their own devices, he and Vex would never have survived this ambush.

Vax turns, drops one of his knives to clutch at a long gash across his ribs, and stumbles over to his sister. There's blood on her face, but she's still firing into the fray, quickly, mechanically, with the calm her instructors had begrudgingly praised on the training grounds. Wordlessly, he positions himself at her back, scanning the woods until he hears a final arrow, an arcane buzz of energy, and finally an indeterminate splat sound, apparently signalling the end of the fight.

Vex's sigh turns into a coughing fit, and so he sinks with her to the ground, watching as she pulls a vial from her belt and downs it. Another gift, that, courtesy of the little musician. Another without-which-we-don't-survive-this.

"You look terrible, brother," Vex says, when she can speak again, baring her blood-pink teeth at him until he wrinkles his nose in disgust. "Did you get hit on the head?"

Vax rubs his face with both hands, smearing blood that's more goblin than his own. "Fucking tired," he says. "That's all." And then, because she's never bought any of the bullshit he's tried selling her over the years, he adds, "You and me, on our own, right? We'd have been fucking dead."

"Pretty much," she says, and pokes him in the chest. "But we're not dead, Vax. That's what matters."

A pair of hands drifts into his field of view, startlingly close, and Vax jolts back to see the other half-elf, the druid, leaning over them, offering them both a hand up. "Sorry," she says, with an awkward, too-bright smile. He's beginning to realize that a lot of what she does is simultaneously awkward and too bright. "Didn't mean to sneak up on you. Everyone okay here?"

Vax takes one of her hands, Vex takes the other, and he's yanked back to his feet almost before he has time to blink. "Still alive," he says, surreptitiously steadying himself on Vex's shoulder. "So I guess that's a win."

"Still alive," says Keyleth, slapping him on the back hard enough that he stumbles. "Well, okay. Kind of a low bar to hit, but we've all gotta start somewhere. Good for you!" And with that baffling statement, she wanders back over to the others.

Vax glances over to find Vex already looking at him, her vaguely disbelieving expression the mirror of his own. "What the hell have we gotten ourselves into?" he whispers, hoarsely.

Vex, still staring after Keyleth, shakes her head and smiles. "We should've died. We didn't. There's always another option."

FALL

What Vax remembers most about their flight from Syngorn is the cold.

His heartbeat is thrumming so loudly in his ears that he's certain the High Warden must be able to hear it. Vex's hand, clamped vice-like around his wrist, is like ice, and their breath billows into clouds as they press themselves into shadows, waiting for a handful of adults to stroll past their hiding place before slipping once more onto the streets.

"I don't even know why we're bothering to hide," Vex hisses at him, but her would-be serious mien is spoiled by a giddy laugh. "None of these assholes would care if we ran."

"Shut the fuck up, Stubby, they're gonna hear us," he says, but he can't quash the glee in his voice. This is bigger, this is better, this is everything they've wanted, this is a fuck-you to fear and apathy and standing still. He wants to yell at the top of his lungs. He wants to set the whole city alight. He wants to run so fast and so far that his feet sprout wings to carry him away.

He'll wonder, as he learns more about the art of keeping unseen, how many people saw them leave that night and decided to turn a blind eye. He'll wonder, as he watches Velora play, whether Syldor knew, whether Syldor suspected, whether Syldor cared. He'll wonder, but none of it matters as they sprint into the woods, branches tearing at their fine elven clothing and the bulging rucksacks they'd started packing in secret weeks before, hopelessly loud and unsure in their footing and not caring a bit when they inevitably slip and fall and pick themselves back up again.

By the time they're far enough that the lights of the city are distant flickers between wind-caught leaves, indistinguishable from the fireflies that blink slow and comforting in the darkness, they're both laughing, high and fearful, brave and warm.

"I'm so cold," Vax says, still laughing, wiping tears from his streaming eyes. "This was a fucking terrible idea."

Vex is smiling at the sky, at the lights of stars winking through the sparse canopy. "But it was our terrible idea."

The late-afternoon sunlight is warmth on a cold day, drifting orange and red through the changing leaves outside the tavern window.

"Your go, Vax," Pike says, with heavily strained politeness. Obviously not the first time she's said it.

Keyleth taps the tabletop emphatically. "Come on, come on, hurry it up. I thought it was the twins' idea to play in the first place! We're burning daylight, here."

"You've become really quite alarmingly competitive," Percy says, and raises his hands in surrender when she shoots him a glare.

Vax blinks the cobwebs from his brain and glances back at the cards in front of him. Utter shit. Shouldn't matter. "Sure," he says, making sure to set his cards face-down on the table. "I'm in for more."

Grog draws a card, bellows, "Hah!", and slams his fist on the table.

"Ah," says Vax, as cards rain down all around him. "Never would've seen that one coming. What a shame, guess we'll have to start again."

Vex, glaring daggers, kicks him so hard under the table that his vision momentarily goes white.

What follows is five minutes spent picking up cards and splinters of broken wood, three minutes spent arguing with the barkeep over the price of furniture, two minutes spent arguing about how many cards should've been in the deck, ten minutes spent unsuccessfully attempting to counterfeit the missing card by hand, three minutes spent arguing over which spells to burn to create a replacement card, five minutes spent searching for the card, and, finally, Grog drawing the card, apparently from thin air, and asking if it was what all the fuss was about.

They give up on cards after that, settle into a rare companionable silence, and watch the sunset through the window until Grog says, sheepishly, "Sorry about the cards."

"That's how we always used to play at Wilhand's," Pike adds. "Just, you know, cards everywhere. Sometimes you gotta have a cleric around to patch up the minor injuries."

"Right," says Grog. "Didn't account for house rules."

"Not destroying furniture while playing a game of cards," Percy says, cautiously, "should probably not constitute a house rule."

Grog snorts into his goblet of ale. "Sounds like a boring-ass game of cards."

"Well," says Vax, "I for one had a great time."

Vex elbows him, and he winces; her bony elbows are sharper than some of his knives. "That's because you were cheating. Just, the whole time. Blatantly cheating."

"I don't know about you," Vax drawls, "but where I grew up, cheating was an essential part of house rules."

"You dick. I am going to steal back the 250 gold you won off me."

"I'd love to see you try it, Stubby."

Percy, with a long-suffering sigh, stares up at the ceiling and mutters, "This card game was a terrible idea."

"Ah," says Vex, at exactly the same time as Vax chimes in, "but it was our terrible idea."

WINTER

In his memory, Vax is forever locked in a moment (in a moment in a moment). Vax is fading like grasses in a summer drought. What Vax remembers most is the cold.

Snow's falling, he knows. Time's gone strange, he knows, like strands of grass down the back of his shirt, like a hand pulling him up and up and up, like a deck of cards spilling off a table. He thinks the soft-glowing threads around him are binding him, he thinks the soft-glowing threads around him are his to command with a single careful tug, he thinks the soft-glowing threads around him could be twined into a rope to climb to safety.

Vex, beside him under a clear night sky, beside him in a nameless tavern, says, "Ah, but it was our terrible idea."

Vex, beside him in their classes in Syngorn, beside him in the wake of a fight, says, "There's always another option."

Vex, beside him in a field outside Byroden, beside him at the ruins of their home, says, "It's not over yet."

In his memory, Vax is forever locked in a moment (in a moment in a moment). Somewhere, that moment is ending and another is about to begin.

[lattefics]

strangled silence

Summary: Vex was not a victim. She did not suffer. Yet still the memories rattle her to the core. 

Pairings: None

Warnings: implied abuse/emotional manipulation

She had never said no.

In the days, weeks, months that it happened, when Vex wanted nothing more than to claw her way out, run for the hills and never look back, she didn’t. She didn’t tell anyone, not him, nor Vax or Trinket or anyone else, how much her stomach dropped and her heart fluttered in trapped fear every time it happened, every time she had to slink over to his room and undress and lay down and pretend she enjoyed it. 

There wasn’t even any money. She walked away with nothing, less than nothing after another shred of her pride and dignity had been torn away from her, buttoning her shirt quickly because looking at her own naked skin made her sick.

She had been young, and foolish, and desperate, and maybe that was reason enough but it had never made sense to her, and made even less sense to feel this awful and disgusted and filthy when she had never said no.

Which was why, when sharing a girl’s night with Keyleth and Pike at a bar in Whitestone, and they asked what each other’s worst sexual encounter was, Vex was both horrified and furious with herself for thinking of those days, for thinking of him. 

“I’ve never been with anyone but Vax,” Keyleth said, clutching her drink, a severe blush burning under her freckles. “I guess– our first time wasn’t amazing, um. I really liked it. But since then we’ve… gotten a lot better.” She tucked her drink closer, biting her bottom lip so hard it looked like she might break the skin.

Pike laughed and patted Keyleth’s back, thankfully divested of her gauntlets for the night. “That’s okay, Keyleth! Thanks for being honest.” She grinned conspiratorially. “Was it Vax’s first time too?”

Keyleth laughed nervously and took a long, slow sip of her drink.

“Well then.” Pike turned to Vax. “You’re going to have to tell us more about your brother, but first, spill. What was your worst time with someone?”

Vex’s shoulders tensed, her mind flashing back to when she’d been nineteen, young and stupid and still naive to the world despite having run away from home and living alone in the woods with her brother and her pet.

They’d gotten so tired of living out there, of always running, of being afraid someone would see them and have a friend of a friend who knew their father who would drag them back to Syngorn kicking and screaming. Even then, years later, they were paranoid. And if they’d stayed a few days at an inn to take some baths and be around other people, if one of the bar patrons had noticed Vex and convinced her to stay for a few drinks, well, who could blame her? He’d been human, too, something she’d known would piss her father off were he to ever find out.

He’d smiled and told her that she was gorgeous, something Vex had rarely heard from the elves in Syngorn. It had felt… nice.

“Vex?”

She jolted out of her thoughts. “Um. That’s.” She coughed and sipped her drink, wishing belatedly that she’d ordered something stronger. “It’s a long story.” 

Pike frowned. “Is it?” 

She’d never said no, because she was young and pretty and the man had called to her so mournfully when she’d talked about going back to her room, to her brother, insisted she stay longer and talk because he wanted to hear all about her life as a half-elf. And she’d stayed; his touch was warm and the inn’s food was good and it had felt nice when he put his arms around her shoulders and whispered in her ear about wanting to spend a long night with a lovely lady.

Maybe she’d led him on. She certainly hadn’t stopped anything. The first time had been exhilarating, letting herself go and throwing caution to the wind. And when Vax had wanted to move on and she’d instead insisted on staying awhile, seeing the town, the human man she’d met had asked for another night with her. And another, and another. And she had never said no.

Vex wasn’t sure how long she’d sat there, sipping the drink, silent. “You don’t want to hear it,” she said quietly.

Pike and Keyleth stared at her for a long moment, and Pike said, “Okay, ummm, I’ll tell you about my worst time.” She paused, glancing at Vex, and continued, “There was this gnome girl I had a crush on when I was little, and, you know, Wilhand took me in after a while, but when I got older I met another girl who looked a lot like that first one…”

Vex tried to listen to the story, she really did. Pike’s face was lit up with emotion as she talked about the gnome girl who knew nothing about actually pleasing someone, but Vex drifted in and out, her mind hinged on memories she’d tried to bury ages ago.

She could remember the way he would tuck his face against her neck, breathing in her scent after they’d had sex. He would talk about how much he enjoyed the smell of her, so much cleaner than the human girls with poor breeding he would take to bed. It had been delightful the first few times, to think even after living in the woods that she was so appealing, that a bath at the inn was all she needed to look beautiful again. 

He’d told her that the elf boys didn’t appreciate her enough. And it was true, so she’d believed it. 

As Pike’s story ended and she finished off with a laugh and another swallow of her drink, her cheeks flushing red with her growing inebriation, Vex pushed her own cup aside and stood from the table. “I think I’m going to go home,” she said, picking up her coin purse and digging around until she found enough gold to cover their meal and a handsome tip, leaving it next to her half-empty drink.

“Already?” Keyleth asked. She’d forgotten her own embarrassment after Pike’s story and was happily drinking a second beer. “We’ve only been here for, like, an hour.” 

“I know, and I love you both, and we’ll need another evening like this soon, but I’m– I’m tired.” She brushed some of her hair out of her eyes and smiled sheepishly. “Sorry for ducking out so fast.” 

“Vex,” Pike said gently, reaching to grab her hand and squeeze. “If this is because we asked about your sex life, then–”

“Darling,” Vex cut in with a laugh, returning Pike’s thoughtful squeeze. “You know I’m not shy about sex in the least. My worst time wasn’t worth explaining. Don’t worry.” She swallowed and pulled her hand away, walking around their table. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” she called over her shoulder, hurrying out of the bar before either of them could stop her.

The sun had just been setting when they’d gone out, and now it was dark, a thick blanket of quiet covering Whitestone’s streets. There were lights from the buildings and if Vex listened she would have been able to hear muffled conversations inside, people out drinking or at home with their families, but she walked too fast to catch anything. 

She stepped with a quick clack clack of her boots on the paved cobblestone, both arms wrapped around herself, but she couldn’t walk fast enough to forget the way his hands had felt on her, the way he’d gripped her wrists and begged when she tried to leave. He’d spoken often of how special she was, of how no other woman made him feel the way he did, and would she stay in town just one more week, promise? And despite Vax’s complaints and Trinket’s depression at her constant absence, she’d agreed, and let those hands wander to places that made Vex want to curl up and cry out with how much she did not want them there.

But she’d never said no. 

And so she had no right to whine about a few bad memories and the occasional nightmares that creeped into her mind when there was nothing else to fill it. She wasn’t traumatized, she was more open about sex than anyone else in Vox Machina, and even thinking of the word trauma filled her with shame and horror. She wasn’t helpless, had never been helpless. If she’d wanted to she could have shot an arrow through the man’s neck and been done with him for good.

Vex tried not to think about why she never had.

Even at her pace, walking all the way to the castle took a good hour, and she was sweating under her shirt by the time she arrived. She stopped in the front hall, breathing hard, hands shaking. She needed– she needed a drink, something without alcohol, something to calm her nerves. Her first instinct was coffee, but…

He’d always asked the innkeeper to bring them coffee afterward, hadn’t he?

She growled at herself and darted down one hall, toward the kitchens. She wasn’t going to do this, not now, not tonight, not ever and she was damned if she’d let it control her. 

The kitchen doors burst open with the might of Vex’s intrusion, slamming against the stone, and Vex made it two steps inside before she stopped.

Cassandra was there, standing over a silver tray laid out with a teapot and cookies. She startled and had a hand halfway to her hip, where a shortsword hung on her belt, until she noticed who it was. “Vex?” Her stance didn’t relax and she gripped the hilt of her sword. “Is something wrong? Did someone attack you?”

“What? No, I… oh.” Vex forced herself to stand up straight, pulling at her clothes to smooth any ruffles. “I suppose it must seem that way with me barging in. I was just– well– it’s a long story,” she said with a sigh.

Cassandra frowned and released her sword. “Does it concern your safety or the safety of anyone here?”

“No, it’s fine. There’s no danger, I promise. I was only being emotional.”

“Good, then.” She paused, and turned back to her tray, picking it up. “I was about to have some tea and retire for the evening.” She waited for Vex to respond, and when she didn’t, said, “Would you care to join me?”

Vex eyes widened. “You want me to?” 

Cassandra’s even expression revealed nothing. “Yes, if you like.” 

“I… okay.” Tea was as good as coffee. Better, possibly. Vex pushed away the quiet thought that tea had never been part of his rituals, because that was absolutely not a reason to favor one drink over another. “Let’s go,” she said weakly, turning and opening up the kitchen doors in a much more civil manner. 

Cassandra walked past her with an air of grace nigh impossible to anyone else carrying a tray full of food, and Vex followed. 

“I’m surprised you got that for yourself,” Vex said, hurrying a few steps to walk beside her. “I would think you’d have someone fetch it.” 

“It’s convenient when I’m busy,” Cassandra said without looking at her. “But I’ve finished my work and I wanted to stretch a bit. Besides, the cooks never make the tea precisely the way I prefer.” 

They walked until they reached Cassandra’s study and Vex opened the door for her. She suspected that Cassandra had wanted to retire to her room, and when she shut the door behind her she said, “Thank you again. I was feeling rather frazzled, as I’m sure you could guess. I think some tea and some quiet is what I need.” 

“Of course.” Cassandra set the tray on a table beside her desk, moving her chair closer to it and preparing a cup for herself. Vex found another chair nearby and dragged it over to sit across from Cassandra.

The tea was a warm brown, and the tray had containers for milk and sugar. Vex dumped more sugar than she probably needed into hers and stirred it thoughtfully, her eyes drifting between Cassandra and examining the room. She’d been in Cassandra’s study a few times but Cassandra didn’t like anyone to linger, and it was easier to relax while she looked around.

For a few minutes they were silent, drinking their tea, not looking directly at one another. Cassandra took a cookie, breaking it into fours and dipping each piece individually in her tea before eating it. 

“Aren’t you worried about crumbs in your tea?”

Cassandra raised an eyebrow. “I don’t mind it.”

“Oh, all right.” 

Again they were silent. Vex looked down into her cup, tilting it to watch the liquid swirl. 

“I’m not going to ask.”

Cassandra’s words pulled Vex from her thoughts and she looked up, meeting her gaze. “Pardon?” 

“I said, I won’t ask.” Cassandra ate another piece of cookie, chewing slowly and chasing it down with tea. “As long as whatever upset you isn’t an immediate danger to the city or to Percival, it’s not my business. So you can stop glancing at me and looking like a kicked puppy.”

Vex tensed. “I didn’t realize I looked that way.”

“If you wish to talk, feel free. I can’t guarantee any advice or help, and I won’t pry.”

“It’s fine, I… I don’t want to talk about it.” She licked her lips. “Is that why you invited me? Because of how upset I looked? If it was pity, then–”

“Nonsense.” Cassandra waved a hand dismissively. “I don’t have time to throw pity around. As you said, you looked in need of some tea. And quiet.”

There was something in Cassandra’s eyes, in the way she looked at Vex. She was right, it wasn’t pity. It looked more like… understanding. Sympathy? No, not even that. Cassandra had never been the sympathetic type. But it was more than someone offering tea to a frazzled friend, especially since Vex didn’t consider herself and Cassandra friends so much as colleagues. 

“In that case,” Vex said, reaching for one of the cookies, “I appreciate it. I don’t care to be pitied.”

“You’re too strong for that, besides.”

Vex paused with the cookie halfway to her lips. “I didn’t know you thought that.”

Cassandra only took another sip of her tea. 

Vex leaned back in her chair and took another look at the room. Like everywhere else, the walls were made of stone, a couple bookshelves no doubt filled with endless notes on Whitestone on one wall, the other wall taken up by an empty fireplace. There was one large window facing outside, where she could see the edges of the city below. The study was large, and open, and if Vex wanted to she could stand up and leave and never come back, and Cassandra wouldn’t care.

The tea was sweeter than coffee, almost painfully so, but when Vex drank it she let the taste wash over her and burn away the memories, burn away his touch and taste and smell and every single word he’d woven around her to hold her down.

She’d never said no. But in the end, she’d left, and that was what mattered. 

[vampiricmycelium]

The Words I’ll Never Say

Fandom: Critical Role Rated: G Relationships: Pike Trickfoot/Vax'ildan, Pike Trickfoot & Vax'ildan Characters: Pike Trickfoot, Vax'ildan  Word Count: 1811

Pike goes to find Vax.

Read it on ao3

Pike goes to find Vax.

She is not sure where to find him, thinking the Raven Queen’s temple, but no. Instead she finds him on a bench near the grove of trees. He is sitting alone, looking lost in thoughts and Pike almost doesn’t approach him. The conversation she had with Sarenrae still buzzed through her entire being. To not just talk with the Goddess but to be invited to see her in the flesh was an experience she found hard to define. She wondered if Vax felt this way every time he got to see the Raven Queen, but no. It was different for him, wasn’t it? The bond he had with her - Pike wasn’t sure if she could compare it to the one she had with Sarenrae.

He didn’t notice her until she sat down next to him, giving him a quiet, “Hey Stringbean.” He smiled at her.

“Hey Pickle.”

There was something in his expression as he looked at her that was unreadable, unreachable. Something about him always seemed that way and it wasn’t just the height difference between them that could make it that way. Vax always seemed to live his life half in the shadows and now with one foot in the grave. A dark expression had taken over his face and it was like the one she had seen on him before. When things were bad and he was struggling, but she didn’t think it was the same thing now that hung over Vax’ildan. When he had told them of the deal that he had made, it ached Pike in a way that stopped her breath for a moment and she felt like she would collapse. She was tired of losing people, of them leaving, but this was so much worse than last time because Vax wouldn’t be coming back and there was nothing any of them could do to stop that. His time was limited and it hurt Pike in a way that she never wanted, deep and raw and she desperately wish she knew the answer on how to fix this.

“How are you feeling? Things have been pretty fucking weird lately. You were dust and now you’re not. Or maybe you are. I mean Scanlan still has your ashes.”

Vax laughed and it was almost humorless in sound. “It is pretty fucking weird isn’t it?” He shrugged as it he didn’t have an answer for her. It seemed they were both answerless right now. How did it feel to know that you made a deal that would end your life when it was all over? Could she have made the same one in his place? Yes, she wanted to say, but there was something there that told her that she’d never really know the truth. Pike didn’t want to be put in that situation. She didn’t want to leave her family behind, but she wouldn’t want to abandoned them even if she lived on borrowed time. So she felt confident in thinking if given the choice of death or one last fight, one last hurrah with Vox Machina, she’d choose to help them one last time. Yet…

“Why did you do it Vax? Why did you agree to the deal? I mean we could have brought you back on our own and then you wouldn’t- Then you’d get to live with us once it was done.” Pike thought of how she didn’t know what to do at the time, the overwhelming fear of not being able to do what she had always done. She always brought them back because that was her power. She thought of Keyleth’s worry and guilt. Wanting to help but not wanting to make things worse. The horrible sound of Vex saying she didn’t have enough diamonds. Vex, who had everything, didn’t have enough to bring her brother back. He couldn’t have known what would happen, but they were trying and-

“I thought I wouldn’t be allowed to return otherwise. She’s… she’s hard to read sometimes. I don’t always get what she wants or what to do, but I thought if I didn’t take the deal I wouldn't be able to come back no matter what.”

Pike nodded. She wasn’t sure if that would have happened, but it was so hard to tell. These things, they had worked for them over and over again. Each time one of them had fallen, they were able to be brought back and it was a goddamn miracle. Had anyone ever witness so many resurrections? Vox Machina often seemed to defy fate in what they could accomplish, but which time would that falter? Where they wouldn’t be able to pull back someone from the beyond? Pike feared that day. Every time she thought about it as she went to perform the ritual, she had to force herself to forget it. To ignore the possibility. To have faith, always have faith, and to believe that they could keep doing the impossible. That something wanted to keep them together until the end.

Maybe that was the Raven Queen. She had given Vax back after all. Let him have this final chance to fight the biggest threat they had ever known, but it was so exhausting. To lose the ones you loved, over and over again, hands reaching forward, desperate to grasp onto them and pull them back. To keep them. Vax’s time was limited, but so was this mission. They could not linger, could not draw it out. Vecna would not care about their petty feelings, how much they wanted Vax to remain. They had to deal with this soon but that meant losing Vax just as quickly. A double-edged sword and someone was going to end up getting stabbed with it.

“You’re here now.” It had worked. Vax wasn’t quite right and he wasn’t staying, but he was here. A solid form beside her and in that moment there was something in Pike that wanted to tell him everything. To reach out to him now before it was too late. Fuck, even pull him down into a kiss, but she couldn’t. She would never betray Keyleth like that by doing something so fucking stupid. The words had always sat in her mouth, a heaviest that turned into stone and she had let it be. Because Vax was happy and that was all that mattered. She had missed her chance, but he was happy. She could live with that and move on.

But right here and now, as he turned to look up to the sky, nodding and agreeing with her statement, she could feel it rushing back. Time was ticking away and there was so much she had never said to him.

“Do you remember? What it feels like to die? Keyleth said- She said you saw your death before it happened. But you never said if that was true or not.”

“I saw it. I don’t know if I understood what it meant and when I did. Well, it was too late to do anything about it. I couldn’t feel it, of course. I remember what happened, how I died, but it’s still fuzzy. Confusing I guess. I don’t… I don’t think any of us really wants to remember what it was like when we died. It didn’t hurt this time. That I know.”

This time? Had it hurt before? Pike thought about her own death, all that time ago. The first one to fall. It was so strange, being dead. Like a memory of a dream, only there wasn’t really anything inside of that dream. Nothing concrete, only abstract thoughts and feelings. Being alive again, was strange too. It was hard to focus at first, but in time she had moved on from what happened. How did they become a friend to death? No, Vax was more than that now, wasn’t he? And he had been with the Raven Queen this time. How kind must she be, to allow him this chance. It didn’t make Pike any happier with the Goddess than she was, but she had given him back.

Pike was discovering there was too many questions, too many thoughts, reeling around her mind. She couldn’t get them all out right now and she didn't want to.

She did reach out, touching Vax’s hand with her own, the only thing she could think of to do. She hadn’t even noticed it though, until Vax pointed it out.

“Hey Pickle. Are you crying?”

She didn’t look at him, but yes, when he asked she realized she had teared up. So many emotions were surfacing and it was hard to keep it all held back. She usually was so good at hiding her feelings, but maybe she had done it for too long. Bottled it up for too long and now she was just having trouble keeping it all inside. But she couldn’t let him know. Couldn’t let him know the truth. She was supposed to be the strong, reliable one. And he was better off not knowing her feelings anyways. She didn’t need to add more complications before his death.

“I’m just thinking. When you’re join who’s going to make fun buns with me?”

Vax grabbed her hand, holding it tightly in his own as he watched Pike try not to cry. She hadn’t come here for this, not even sure anymore why she wanted to find Vax, but now that she was here, all she could do was try and hold herself together.

“I can teach Grog how to do it. Or maybe Keyleth would be better. Vex helped me all the time when we were kids with my hair, so I’m sure she will be able to help. You don’t need me.”

You don’t need me. How wrong he was about that. She did need him. They all did. His death would be a solemn dark note in a symphony of victory.

Pike wiped at her nose, sniffling as she shook her head. Eyes slightly red, she finally looked back at Vax to see him smile down at her. It was the kind of smile that broke her heart and she wished she had the courage to tell him. Like Vax had all that time ago in Whitestone. Like Vex did during Percy’s resurrection. Why did death and pain bring out these things, force the words you kept locked away, coming out of you like a flood that would knock down everything in it’s way.

But she didn’t. And he didn’t say anything else. They just sat there, holding hands, trying not to think of the future Vax’ildan wouldn’t have until they agreed the others would be looking for them if they didn’t return.

Maybe she’d tell him before he died. Before it was too late. But Pike knew that, at least, she’d cherish the time they had left.

[todisturbtheuniverse]

Vex must be having the longest goddamn night in Kymal right now. Spoilers for Episode 83.

“I know you can’t hear me.”

She knows--she knows, it is too far and the earring can’t possibly reach anyone. She can’t help but try. She remembers that sensation, of falling, of reaching, and she wishes--she almost wishes she was still falling. This stillness feels too much to her like death, that cold dark place she remembers like a shadow out of the corner of her eye, still watching.

“Kaylie can fix this,” Vex says, even though her voice trembles in the muffled quiet of her room in the inn, the dying-off revelry downstairs still just audible through the floorboards. She braces herself against the uncomfortable headboard, lets the grooves of it dig into her back, keeping her uncomfortable. If she closes her eyes she remembers Kerr trying to pack Percy’s insides back where they belong, and if she remembers that, she’ll be no use to anyone. If she closes her eyes she remembers her brother holding the body, and if she remembers that, she’ll...she’ll...

But there’s no one to be of use to here, is there. Just her, and a doddering old Eskil Ryndarien--who, for all his power, can’t teleport anywhere twice in one day--and--

She remembers just then and hates herself for taking so long; she clutches the necklace and Trinket spills out, several hundred pounds of bear hitting the floor with a few loud thuds. Downstairs, the revelry briefly quiets before flaring up again.

“Oh, buddy,” she says, the tears that she’s fought so hard starting to spill over onto her cheeks, “I’m so--”

But Trinket has never had patience for her apologies, even as a cub; in those early days she’d once turned her back on him for only a moment, long enough for him to get well into some plant that made him horribly sick, but within hours he was cuddling up to her bedroll again, happily requesting attention. She has never been quite sure if it’s just that he forgets, or if he’s simply quick to forgive. One way or the other, he attempts to climb up on the bed with her, uninterested in her words when he can clearly see that she’s distraught, and the bedframe squeals a warning.

“No, no, I think I should come to the floor with you,” she says, surprised to find that she’s laughing, even as she’s wiping away tears. As soon as she hears herself, she stops; how will anything be funny, ever again, with Scanlan gone from the world?

Trinket puts his paws back down on the floor, her shirt clasped in his mouth to pull her along. She goes without resistance, and they settle against one another, battered girl and battered bear, mindful of one another’s bruises and scrapes, Trinket content to lick the whole of her face. She lets him, stinky breath and all. She reeks already, anyway.

“We’re in Kymal,” she tells him, in case he was wondering. “I had to get Kaylie, send her back to Whitestone, to--to...”

Trinket dips his head to nuzzle her face, giving a low, worried grunt.

“It was bad, Trinket. It was really bad. Percy almost...again. And Scanlan...”

He settles his massive head on her shoulder, nose right in the crook of her neck, and snuffles wetly.

“I’m just so tired,” she whispers, “and I can’t even help.”

Trinket grumbles at that. She doesn’t need a spell to understand what he’s saying. She’s always been able to get the gist. He grumbles at her and she knows that he thinks she’s done everything she can.

“It just never feels like enough.” Her eyes are itching now, dry and awful from those tears she just couldn’t keep in, and she has to close them. She is tired, so tired, and maybe that’s why there’s no image waiting to greet her, no silent horror to ambush her, just darkness. “I hope it was enough.”

His next huff is impatient. She almost smiles; she feels the muscles stir feebly. No patience for apologies. No patience for unnecessary wallowing.

“You’re right,” she agrees. “I’m just tired, and feeling sorry for myself, and for...for everyone.” She takes a deep breath, and it wobbles on the way out, but it steadies her. “We have to stay the night here, and then we can go home, and...and see.”

He shifts a little, enough to curl up to sleep the way they used to: her back braced against his furry side, her head tipped against his soft back, her legs stretched out across the floor. Not as comfortable as a bed, but the bed probably has bugs, anyway. With her eyes closed, she can almost see the night sky sprawled above them, just past the boughs of the trees. Her whole body aches, there’s something or other dried in her hair, and she is too tired to move another inch.

She tries the earring one more time. “Vax?”

Trinket breathes behind her, his body rising and falling with it.

She clears her throat. “Percy?”

There is nothing, no one there, and she can’t make her voice work anymore. She turns her face into Trinket’s fur, throws an arm around him, and keeps her eyes shut tight.

Somehow--fear or no, dread or no--morning will come, and then they will see.

[ruthdemoofins]

Cor Tutor Chapter 2/? - Perc’ahlia fanfic

When Vex heads home after a long chat with Pike, Saundor enters the scene. Percival and Vex meet for the first time and it's entirely unconventional.

Read the first chapter on AO3: (X) 

“I don’t know, Pike, Percival de Frankenstein Von Muscle Claws-out-seat de Rolo the Third? He obviously must be a completely loaded dickhead if he’s got such a long fucking name. Vax and I probably ransacked his place a few years ago, probably stole his prized pocket watch or ugh-” Vex cut off in a frustrated growl, aggressively tugging at her braid as she sank down into her seat a bit.  

Pike, glancing up from her textbook, offered a sympathetic smile, shrugging her shoulders, “Oh, I don’t know, Vex,” she sighed softly, brushing some stray strands of her blonde hair behind her ear, “It might not be a bad thing, you might just make a friend out of it.”

“Or I might just make a rich little fuck bleed,” Vex spits out, crossing her arms tightly over her chest, the very image of a petulant child. He’ll probably be just like all the other rich little fucks from “home,” who mocked her and her brother at every turn for their attempts to fit in and then for their attempts to stay as far away as they could from their little niche cliques.

Pike covered her mouth to hide her smile at Vex’s current, pouting state, though her dimples gave her away anyway. “Well, I wouldn’t judge him too harshly,” she offers, taking a bite of the bagel she’d bought before trudging to the library. “I’ve never met him personally, but he seems to carry a lot of weight with him. He and his sister lost their entire family in a fire, you know.”

Vex rolled her eyes as though that information didn’t matter. She and her brother lost their mother to a fucked up murderer, but you don’t see them asking for pity.

“He’s not asking for pity, though,” Pike says, reading her mind because, of course, Pike knows her and all of their friends better than anyone (or even themselves), “I just know that from what I’ve heard.”

Vex’ahlia flips through her textbook, pretending to give a shit before finally, she’s giving a loud groan of defeat, “Fine, I won’t chicken out, but I will find you to complain when he’s fucking gushing about money or he turns out to be a complete creep.”

Pike makes a soft, popping noise with her lips as her eyes flare, surely searching for the right words to scold Vex’ahlia for jumping to conclusions, but when she sees the twinkling mirth in Vex’s eyes, she falters. “You can’t joke with me like that right now,” she weakly informs, soft, platinum waves bouncing as she shakes her head, “My brain is just…completely fried and it isn’t even midterms.”

Vex offers a sympathetic smile as she reaches over, rubbing Pike’s shoulder supportively, “You’ll charge through this semester like you always do. Nursing is just one giant battle to get through, isn’t it?”

“Oh yeah,” Pike sighs, her scrawny shoulders seeming to deflate as she slumped forward. Vex knows that being the mother hen of their little rag-tag group of friends doesn’t help her studies either, whether it’s from Grog coming to her to question her about itchy balls for “his friend” or Scanlan drooling all over her.

Thankfully, Pike is always level-headed, even when she’s bogged down.

“I’m going to head home and find out whether my brother’s still at Gilmore’s or out with ‘his Kiki,’” she retches a bit, clumsily snatching her bag and dragging it from the table as she stands.

“Well, whoever he’s with, it’ll do him some good,” Pike pointedly arches a brow as she glances up over her book to Vex.

“He might be sleeping with them both,” Vex dramatically groans, whipping her bag over her shoulder. “I can’t fucking understand him, sometimes, Pike. Love is shit,” she kicks the leg of the chair she’d previously been lounging in to push it back into the table, resulting in a squeak that has a few, annoyed glares from other library-goers directed towards her. “Fuck off,” Vex mutters, scowling.

Pike only looked at her with those easy-to-read eyes, clearly throwing out an “I’m worried about you” gaze that has Vex twisting her lips in frustration. “I don’t know,” she exasperatedly bit out, “I’m happy that he’s getting out and being with people, but I’m also his detached Siamese twin and I miss him sometimes,” Pike’s full attention is on her now, though she’s lightly nibbling at her bagel. Her eyes soften and fill Vex with reassurance that what she’s saying isn’t insane. Pike is one of the only people she can actually talk to, anyway. Grog wants to talk about drinking, football or bashing faces in, Scanlan wants to flirt with his foul limericks, Keyleth wants to talk about her manic-pixie thoughts about nature and Trinket, well, Trinket can only listen and wuff.

“I’m afraid he’ll stop telling me things, I’m afraid he has stopped telling me things.”

Pike waited a few beats after this to be sure Vex had fully ranted before, in the way Vex and their other friends often mimicked when Pike wasn’t there, said: “Well…” she took a few seconds as she searched for words before giving Vex a smile. “I think you’d certainly do well to tell him that, but maybe not so…”

“Pissily?” Vex offers with a weak grin, and Pike nods.

“I’m sure he’s not keeping you out of the loop, anyway, but it might be awkward to talk about his love life, you know?” she offers.

“Yeah, you’re right,” there’s less of a weight on her chest and she’s grateful for that. Vex pushed her bag’s strap further up her shoulder and gave a nod. “You usually are, anyway. I’ll be off, then. Text you later and try not to drown in books, yeah?”

Pike looks visibly relieved to have helped in some way and bobs her head, smile brightening. “Yeah. I’ll try.”

Vex exits the library, scowling faintly at the cloudy sky before setting off-campus for her and Vax’s flat.

She was nearly finished with untangling her headphones when she heard a sudden, echoing pang of footsteps behind her. Unbidden paranoia had her glancing over her shoulder, and it wasn’t useless unbidden paranoia either.

His pale skin and his oaky brown eyes had a way of making her stomach twist and the way his greasy, slick black hair clung to his face made her skin crawl.

She’d never come across a person who made her so uncomfortable. Sure, Syldor brought forth tsunamis, but never a discomfort as this.

Saundor.

Vex quickly surveyed the area; thankful that she’d forgone any alley shortcuts and stuck to the open sidewalk.

She was also thankful that there was no chance Vax would happen upon this.

It’d all started a year ago, when she’d gone on a class trip between her Advanced Earth Sciences course and Keyleth’s Writing With Nature elective (to go to the forest once a week just to write seemed entirely boring to her). As Vex had eyed the group, as she always eyed any groups or persons around her, she noted Saundor, slinking far and away from the rest of the students.

Vex, tired of Keyleth’s not-so-inconspicuous questions about Vax, had approached him. She was always fond of outcasts, having been one herself, and knew it’d be her good deed of the day to chat up the pale, pale boy.

Vax always insisted they should be guarded, always said that most people wanted the wrong things from them. Meeting their group of friends (or rather, the S.H.I.T.s  as they’d called themselves for that one karaoke contest) had been a completely chance occurrence, and a good one, at that.

Vex, of course, did love doing the opposite of what he said.

And so she spoke with him, briefly, about his course. It was for her own benefit, really, as she was curious as to what they even wrote about.

Immediately, she realized Vax was right and she’d been horribly stupid.

“I feel as though I’ve known you for a very long time,” Saundor had told her, ignoring her question entirely, and the intensity of his gaze still made her cringe to that very day.

She’d immediately stuttered out a horrible excuse, something along the lines of: “I think my friend needs help getting a leaf out of her hair,” and hurriedly left.

Needless to say, she was happy to endure Keyleth’s dreamy, dedicated soliloquies about the trees that day, though Saundor watched her the entire time from afar.

It hadn’t ended there, of course. After snooping about, Saundor found her name, her social media, messaged her on every possible platform for weeks. He told her of his intense feelings of her, described how she appeared to him the first time he saw her on that trip, tried to convince her that they were ‘destined’ for one another.

Vex had simply blocked him, but he found her cell-phone number next, called her when she wasn’t around and Vax, being the asshole he was, had answered the phone and immediately confronted her after Saundor demanded to know who he was and why he thought he had any worth to Vex, who belonged with him.

She’d told him everything, and while Vax was entirely pissed off for a day (she knew it reminded him of the reason why he’d joined that shit little Clasp gang when they were young), he’d bought her a switchblade and made her promise to keep it close, even though he knew she already had the pepper spray he’d bought her when she’d been far younger.

Things had been quiet for a few days, but eventually,  they’d found a stick on their doorstep with a rudimentary carving of a very Vex-like woman and Saundor-like male. After that, Vax had insisted upon walking her to class for a week, and eventually, thankfully, Saundor had gone away.

But now, he was here again, following her with those disgustingly sad eyes.

“What the fuck do you want?” Vex hissed as she turned on her heel, mentally reminding herself that her switchblade was in the front pocket of her messenger bag if he got to close, and her pepper spray on her keychain if he pissed her off from afar.

“I only wanted to see you; I missed you,” Saundor said in his soft, melancholic rumble of a voice.

“You don’t know me,” Vex immediately retorted with ire, not at all phased by the way he forlornly tilted his head at her, as if he didn’t quite get what she was saying.

He moved closer, until he was at least two feet away from her and offered a chilling smile, his hand extended towards her, “You do, though,” he said, “We have a deal to make, one that will help us both. I understand your pain, your mother-“

Vex’s horribly-contained-cool completely shattered, melting into a molten, livid rage, “You don’t fucking know her, you don’t have the right to speak of her!” she spat out, nostrils flaring and eyes blazing. Her fists were clenched so hard that her nails left half-moons upon her palms, body trembling with the urge to charge, to bash his fucking face in. The fucker had probably found the fucking newspaper articles of her murder online, probably poured over every little thing he could find from fucking Google.

“I know enough to know that we are meant-“

Vex phased out, forcing her mind to ignore his aside to glance around at their surroundings, at…

A head of stark, white hair approaching caught her eye and immediately, Vex was moving past Saundor towards the man, no, student with white hair (she’d ponder over why the fuck he had white hair later) and a long navy colored coat.

“Darling,” she cooed, to the stranger’s obvious befuddlement. Ignoring his confusion, she reached for his hand that wasn’t clutching a bag and gripped it tightly in hopes that he’d understand something wasn’t right. “I’m glad you caught up with me.”

“I’m…” the stranger’s blindingly blue eyes studied her for a moment, his brow furrowed lightly before he looked past her to Saundor. “I-I’m glad too?” he asked unconvincingly.

“Of course you are, dear,” she crooned, turning to look to Saundor, who, thankfully, looked entirely confused. She hardly knew him and she knew this could be bad, that he could act upon his possible rage, but she had no problem beating the ever-loving shit out of him herself. “I was just giving this stranger directions to the university, but I didn’t expect you to surprise me like this!” her tone is so honeyed and drenched with sweetness that Vex wants to either vomit or scrape the sugar from her tongue with a hot knife. Still, it’s the kiss she places on the stranger’s scruffy, peppered cheek that has her reeling from her obscenity. The poor man takes it though, his face flushing into a lovely shade of pink. “I-I,” he stutters, his hand trembling lightly in her grip, “I wanted to-ah…surprise you,” he repeats, lifting his other hand with a bag that she recognizes as take out. Judging by the distinct, spicy smell, she can only conclude that it’s from Jarret’s place.

“You brought me takeout? Oh, darling.”

The stranger looks to the bag and then her, suddenly wearing an expression that’s honestly hilarious in that moment, a look that clearly states “Don’t you even think about it.”

But she does.

Vex turns to peer over her shoulder and fucking thankfully, Saundor has vanished. She immediately drops the stranger’s hand and knowing fully well that she’s an asshole, she takes his bag of takeout.

He stutters adorably as she walks down the sidewalk with purpose, her free hand finding her can of pepper spray, just in case Saundor’s waiting for her around a corner.

“W-Wait!” he calls as he finally figures out how to form words, and she rolls her eyes before glancing over her shoulder, giving him one of her trademark winks before calling: “Thanks!”  

She needs to take a long, hot shower to get Saundor’s grimy words off of her, completely devour her unexpected spoils and not mention a single fucking thing to Vax.

Just after she’s fallen asleep past midnight, after a long, struggling session of trying to understand some of her stats homework so she wouldn’t seem like a total idiot for her tutoring session, her phone vibrates.

With a single, squinting eye, Vex noted a message from Percival, plugged into her contacts as “The Tutor” with an eye-rolling emoji resting beside it.

When she opened her phone to view the message, she wasn’t sure she was even fucking awake.

Miss Vessar

I’ll be happy to work with you tomorrow, as requested, at two in the afternoon. Please find me on the second floor of the library in the corner behind the large stack collection. Have a good evening.

-Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III

For a long time, Vex stared at her phone screen, lips parted and eyes wide open in confusion.

With numb fingers, she replied with a simple “Ok. Thanks,” before she promptly rolled onto her side and broke out in guffawing laughing.

She laughed until she was “hoo”ing for breath, her stomach pinching and her eyes watering.

Who in the world wrote texts like they’d been sent by raven? Honestly, it was adorable.

“What the fuck, Vex’ahlia?” Vax groaned from his nearby mattress, the thought of why she was laughing making her snicker to herself.

“Oh, nothing. Go back to sleep, brother,” she sidled further down under her covers, holding her phone to her stomach for a moment before returning it to the floor beside her mattress.

She had to admit, she felt a bit better about walking into the library to meet Percival the next day after that text, or rather, intrigued.

The next day, before class, she’d spent a bit of time on her bulking laptop to search his name up, pleased to find a social media account. Before school, during the days her and Vax struggled for a foothold to let her study, she’d done a similar form of work for Gilmore. He’d send her client names and she’d find everything she could online, all with the purpose of gathering Gilmore all the information on them as she could so he could successfully barter or appeal to them.

The only profile on Percy contained no pictures of the man in question, though, instead, his profile picture was a sketch of a mask with goggles and a long, dark beak. It was odd, but it had her keen on meeting him. Vex liked odd people (not the Saundor kind of odd), her entire group of friends had their oddities about them. She’d rather be as far from the aristocratic, snobby children who mocked those who were different and be with the different.

Vax, of course, hated her easygoing feelings on strangers, always insisted that she needed to be more wary of people and insisted upon this even more after the Saundor-incident.  .

As Vex walked towards the aisle of over-sized books, she felt a mild trepidation, wondered if she was about to meet Saundor the Second, or perhaps someone even worse.

Shaking off her worries and touching a finger to the small blue feather hanging from a chain upon her neck as she always did when anxious, Vex stepped behind the rack.

When she spotted a head of white hair in disarray, her eyes blew wide open.

Fuck.

[enkelimagnus]

A Castle in the Forest

Percy x Vex’ahlia, Chapter 12, 3016 words,

A Modern AU, in which Vex is a park ranger taking over the Alabaster Sierras post, and finds much more than she bargained for.

Read on AO3

This chapter has some traumatic responses to perceived threat, please be careful.

--------------

When Vex makes it back to the cabin, Vax is pacing around the main room. The bow’s box is open on the floor, the gorgeous weapon on display and Vex can’t help but stare at it for a second before she looks back at her brother.

She hasn’t been gone for that long, but enough to piss him off, it seems. Too bad. She can’t deal with this right now, she needs him for other issues and those need to come before whatever his problem is. She needs to be selfish, she needs him to be selfless so she can rage against others before he rages against her.

She’s still tittering on the edge of the folder in her hand. Her mind is still filled with memories of Saundor and the fire and the parties. She feels like her scars are itching. They probably aren’t.

Vax’s eyes fall on her where she’s standing in the entrance of the cabin. She feels like a doe shaking at the edge of the woods, staring at a hiker wondering whether they are a hunter. It’s her brother. Why is she so anxious suddenly?

Maybe it’s the look in his eyes. It’s the look from his first visit in Shademurk, it’s the look from the first time she was asked to be a lady, it’s the quiet fury he only ever seems to feel when it comes to her. Never for himself. Always for her. Because of her.

“Vex,” he starts but she shakes her head.

“Please,” she cuts him before he can add anything. Her voice is firmer than she thought it would be. She feels so fucking shaky.

He seems taken aback from that and the look in his eyes grows. She’s tired and furious and hurt too and she doesn’t want to deal with this. She really fucking doesn’t. And he’s going to confront her, because of course he will. He’s never let her run away from the hard things.

“Please what?” Vax asks, crossing his arms.

He’s so mad. The door is unlocked though. That’s good. She’s between him and it, and it will be okay, and… he’s not going to hurt her. Gods, Vex. What is she doing? What is she thinking? He would never. He loves her. As if that has stopped others before. She wills her mind to stop talking now.

“I’m not…” She shakes her head. “Please don’t.”

Vax shakes with annoyance. “You can’t run away from it, Vex.” He sounds tired now, more than angry. Maybe she’s not able to read him properly today. That’s bad.

“I know,” she snaps back.

She can’t run away from anything ever. No matter how far she goes, it will find her. They will find her. Syldor and Saundor.

Vax points at the bow. “Where did you get it?”

Vex sighs a little, exhales. He doesn’t seem that aggressive and her mind is playing games with her. She’s choked up and ready to run at a moment’s notice.

“You know where,” she replies.

There is no way that he missed it. It stood in the center of Saundor’s home like its heart. It stood on a pedestal, and she’d not been allowed to touch it, or try it. Now it’s hers. But she barely touches it, and hasn’t tried it. Saundor had made sure she revered it appropriately, the way she revered him.

“Fine,” Vax huffs. “Keep it to yourself.”

Vex crosses her arms too. The folder feels heavy in her hand. Lead, pulling her away from the surface. She doesn’t like when Vax is like this. But at the same time, she so rarely sees him like this. Usually, everything falls off of him like water off a duck’s back. Usually, nothing ever gets to him. She hasn’t seen him show so much… distress in a really, really long time.

“It’s just a fucking bow. Why do you care so much?” She asks defensively.

It’s hypocritical and she knows it. She’s the one who is terrified of touching it, just in case it’s a beacon that will bring Saundor back to her. She’s the one who acts as if it’s either a sacred relic or a cursed horror. She’s the one that cares too much. He’s just asking questions.

“I don’t like the idea that you have pieces of him lying around like this. I wish you would move on.”

How can she move on? How can she move on when the fire burned her skin and scarred it irreparably, when his words burned her mind and scarred it irreparably, when everything that happened during those months and years have borrowed under her skin like a small poisonous insect, ready to sting but also to lay eggs that threaten to come out and destroy her?

She walks through life on the edge of breaking, a broken mirror stitched back together by an unsure hand with ugly red tape.

“It’s just a bow,” Vex repeats. She can’t bring herself to sound mad anymore.

Vax shakes his head. “If it’s just a bow, why don’t you use it? It’s much better quality than the one you have now. Why don’t you use it?”

Vex opens her mouth and closes it again. She has a lot of answers to that question. Because it’s beautiful and rare and probably worth more money than her life is and if she uses it, she will break it. There will be scuffs and marks of use that she doesn’t want to add. Because it’s Saundor’s and she’s scared of it. Because she doesn’t deserve this. She doesn’t deserve to wield such a beautiful bow. She’s not a fey, or a ruler, or even a full-blooded elf. She’s a small mortal thing and she doesn’t deserve to wield the Wrath of the Fey Warden.

“Fuck, Vex,” Vax huffs, looking away, even turning away from her.

She’s not going to succeed in making this stop if she doesn’t talk. He’s just going to keep getting mad at her, and she can’t have that. She knows, deep down, that he’s not going to hurt her. But the last few years are keeping her in that state of fear she can’t get out of.

“It’s an Archfey’s weapon,” she starts slowly. “I’m barely even an elf.”

The look Vax sends her makes her want to puke. He looks at her like she’s a broken, pathetic little thing and she’s nauseous suddenly. She should have yelled at him, she should have insulted him. She shouldn’t have told him this.

“I don’t think it cares. It’s just a bow,” Vax answers, in a voice so soft and sweet Vex really starts considering punching him to make him go back to the anger.

The anger makes her want to run away and hide, but that soft, soft pity is even worse. It speaks of all the things she’s desperately trying not to be. Of the broken little girl she is, even if she tries to be strong.

“Everyone I have ever loved has cared.”

Vax is silent for a moment. It seems to last forever and she can’t make herself look back at him. She can’t make herself see how he’s looking at her. It’s probably going to be the soft pity again.

She doesn’t see why the bow would want her to wield it. It’s the kind of weapon imbued with enough magic that it can get picky about its wielder, the kind of weapon that chooses its archer no matter what the archer wants. It’s been the bow of Lord Saundor the Forsaken for a millennium, or more. Why would it want her?

She’s small, she’s weak, she’s a half-elf and a bastard, she’s nothing.

“That’s not true, Vex, and you know it,” Vax says after a moment. He’s firm and simmering with anger again. She both dreads and welcomes the anxiety his anger brings. At least it’s not the pity.

“I know, but it doesn’t matter,” she replies. “I know I’m out of Shademurk, but it’s like he’s hiding around every corner of Whitestone, waiting to take his revenge on me. I still smell of him, Vax. All I am is the thing he made me. I can’t escape it!”

She feels like she’s drowning. The file with the photos are still in her hand. The fiend’s words: “You smell like Fey” still resound in her head. The scars will forever be on her skin, and in her mind, and she’s afraid of her own twin so much she’s wondering how to please him to appease his anger, how to make him stop, what she can give of herself for him to stop.

“There are so many things I know,” she continues. “That I know I know. Consciously, I’m aware that he can’t find me here, that I’m safe, that you love me no matter my blood, that I’m skilled, that I’m good at my job, that this is not all my fault.” There are tears on her face and she’s hiccuping now, and she doesn’t even know when she started crying. “I know,” her voice rises in the words. “But it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change how I feel.”

Vax’ face is softer when he pulls her in his arms, holds her to him like he has so many times. He presses a kiss into her hair and when Vex inhales, he smells like home. He smells like the soap they use in Syngorn, with the pressed flowers that made her want to help with the laundry even if it was supposedly not a dignified activity for a young lady of her standing. He smells like the firewood and the furs, like hide and the dyes that make that deep dark color he prefers to wear.

“I’m scared,” Vax whispers into her hair. “I’m scared of losing you.”

Vex can’t control her sobs at that. She buries her face in his shoulder so her tears will be absorbed by his clothing. She wishes she could disappear in this moment, in his arms. She wishes the world would stop existing outside of the cabin.

“Forget about the bow. Hide it forever, I don’t care. I just want you to be okay. And I can tell you’re not. And I don’t know how to fix it.”

Vex moves back for a little, not answering anything to that. She puts the file on the table next to them and opens it. Vax moves in closer to look at the pictures and his arms tighten their grip on her a little as he sees the photos of her and Saundor.

“I can’t escape,” Vex starts again. “I thought… I thought I could erase him.”

“Where do these come from?” Vax asks, quiet anger back in his voice, but right now, it’s not directed at her.

She tells him about the meeting she just crashed, about the information they have, about the castle in the forest and Percival de Rolo. About Cassandra, and how she’s desperate to save her brother, so much so that she’ll let people walk into traps and let people die to make sure no one knows about the fiend she’s hiding.

They come back to the reports about the fire, to the pictures of her and Saundor. They’re both sitting now, Vex has Trinket on her lap, Vax has stopped holding her to him but he hasn’t stopped being by her side.

“I didn’t think there would be pictures,” Vex whispers. “I didn’t… I hoped no one in the Material Plane would ever see these memories. I thought… I thought I was safe from them. But I can’t erase this. This is evidence, and I can’t undo it.”

Vax nods quietly. “I see.”

“How can I forget, when the world won’t stop reminding me?”

She sounds so tired and small. And that’s how she feels suddenly. Like this giant mass of pain and memories is after her and all she can see is its shadow on the ground, but the shadow completely swallows her already.

Vax swallows. “Maybe you’re not supposed to forget.”

Vex huffs loudly, looking at him. “Then what?”

“I think you’re supposed to… live with it.”

“The way we’re living with what Syldor did to us?” she asks, a bit defiant.

“Better, hopefully?” Vax replies, looking up at her. He has a little wry smile on, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

Now that she thinks about it, Vax hasn’t been this animated, with his pacing and worry and anger, in a long time. It was as if he was awake for a moment, but now he’s back to saying those things and pretending like everything is rolling off of him like it doesn’t touch him.

She reaches for him. “Are you okay?” She asks. It’s nothing more than a whisper. It feels wrong to ask these things louder.

Vax stares at the table for a long moment before he sighs deeply. “I don’t think so.”

Vex swallows. She doesn’t know how to help him. She doesn’t know who to ask. She’s pretty sure there is no one around Whitestone that can help with mental health, but maybe she should ask the priests. They betrayed her, yes. But they’re the only people she knows here.

“Have you told anyone?” She mostly means to ask if he’s told Gilmore.

Vax shakes his head tiredly. “No. I don’t think there is anyone to tell. Gilmore’s… miles away. And you have way too much on your plate already.”

He’s right. Gilmore can’t really help from Westrunn. Vex doesn’t even know how to help herself.

“You can tell me about it,” Vex points out. “Anyway. We can… You’re helping me a lot; you’re helping me carry a lot of my burden. I can help with yours.”

Vax smiles a little. It’s a bare hint of something but it feels more genuine than anything she’s seen on his face in a really long time.

“Not right now,” he mutters. “I need a little time to… put words on this whole thing.”

Vex nods in understanding. She gets that. Words are so incredibly hard to find.

“I love you,” she says softly.

Vax relaxes and reaches to pull her close. It’s awkward with Trinket in the middle and it lasts for a second but it’s a good, wonderful second.

“I love you too.”

They start moving a little, tidying around. Vex puts the bow back under the bed, and even if Vax looks like he’s about to say something, he doesn’t. He understands now. Perhaps not the entire story, but enough. Enough so he lets her do this at her pace. And she’s not ready for the bow just yet.

Now that Vax knows all about what’s going on, she can share her plans, or whatever there is that looks like a plan.

She needs to help this little gang of plotters to get rid of the fiend. She has no idea where to even start with that plan, but she knows… she knows she wants to avoid killing the host. Whoever this Percival guy is, no matter how he came across the demon in the first place, it seems he was the one responsible for her escape. It seems he was fighting for control, to let her go. She’s planning to try to honor the life debt she owes him now.

But there’s also the issue of his weapon, and what it did to her. It was unlike anything she’d ever come across. The pain was searing, the shot very clear and it can probably kill with a horrifying ease. She needs to know what it is, and how to make sure it won’t hurt anyone else.

It’s easy to disarm swords and arrows, but this thing? She doesn’t have a clue what it looks like. She just knows its noise. And the pain and destruction it caused. She was lucky to at least be able to give herself a small healing spell. She could have bled out.

If it comes to it, she’ll need to take the fiend and the host down. She can’t let whatever that weapon is exist in the world.

Vex guesses that’s somewhat part of her ranger job. All of the rangers of the TWC are responsible for a park, but if you put all of these outposts together, the TWC is responsible for the entire continent of Tal’Dorei. They’re here to keep it safe.

In the absence of the Grey Hunt, in the absence of anyone that has the authority to take care of this, it falls down on Vex. It’s too big of a responsibility, to make sure this sort of weapon doesn’t get out, to make sure this incredibly powerful fiend is taken care of, but she needs to do her job correctly.

Yesterday, her own pain and anger led her to run into the mouth of the beast unprepared. She won’t make that mistake again. Next time, she’ll come with healing potions and all her spells at the ready, with her weapons too. Next time, she’ll be ready for the monster. Next time, she won’t let it get into her head.

She texts Pike to ask when the next meeting is going to be. She has questions to ask, and she’s bringing Vax. It’s non-negotiable. They need her, and she needs Vax. She’s going to take control of this whole operation now, no matter what they tell her.

The next meeting is scheduled in three days, when the priests and Cassandra are all free.

Vax and Vex go to bed curled up in each other, as they have many nights since they were born. The fire crackles away next to them, the bear cub snoozes by the bed, and they have each other.

Strangely, Vex sleeps much easier than she has the last few nights. She’s not feeling better per se, but having talked to Vax, knowing they are both in a bad place… It makes it easier to be in this bad place.

As long as they have each other, they can get through anything. Right?