#I’ve left situations with big ass clown shoes before

[forbidden-interlude]

I seldom accept dating advice from my mom cuz all her exes still want her and she thinks that’s the reality for everyone

[theinsightofpurgatory]

2-D x Reader The Shower Incident

Yeah.. this is the first Gorillaz fanfic I’ve ever written and it’s a even 1,500 words! Hope you enjoy!

(Edit: I've have made some changes to make it read better, also some grammatical ones. I have also made it gender neutral!)

     I slowly tune in to my loud ass alarm. Turning over, I reach my arm over to find my phone before it wakes up 2-D as well. The man needs his sleep too, I finally reach my phone. Pulling it toward me as I push my body up, I turn off the alarm and check for any messages, emails, etc. none as far as I can see.

     I put my phone in my lap, looking over at 2-D, my goodness, he looks so peaceful when he's not getting beat over the head with a shoe. I lean over to his side of our bed and kiss him on the forehead, he shifts a bit and I see him smile. I feel myself grin at the sight. I lift the blanket from my legs and turn to the side slowly to give my body enough time to adjust. I just then realize; fuck I'm still squinting. I reach over and grab my glasses while I'm standing up.

     I stretch my arms out, yawning, I did not want to get up today, but I got stuff to do. I turn back to 2-D and go over to his side of the bed. I lift the covers off of him slightly, I softly rub his arm trying to gently wake him. "Babe?", He cracks open his eyes, clearly adjusting to the sunlight lighting up the room. 2-D gives a short moan/sigh before responding.

     "Yes, Love?"

     "I have to pick-up some stuff for the house today, but I'm gonna take a shower first, when you really wake up and the water is still running, it's me, so don't worry" I whisper to him.

     "Alright, can I go back to sleep now?" he asks with a slight smile. I give a small chuckle at that.

     "Yes you can" I respond softly, leaning down to give him a kiss on the cheek, I see his smile get bigger as he turns a bit more and nuzzles against the pillow. Going back to the main part of our shared room, I put out my outfit I'm going to wear out, I grab my brush, my towels and head into the bathroom. Turning on the water, taking off my clothes, I get in and start my process.

     Soon enough, since it's wash day, I go to grab my shampoo bottle, I pick it up but I notice something. "Huh, it's almost empty just like my body wash, that's weird, maybe 2-D has been using it... well better add it to the list" I think aloud.

     After I'm done in the shower, turn off the water grab my towel, wrapping around me, while getting the other one and I start crunching my hair. Stepping out of our bathroom I see 2-D still sleeping. I finish drying off and get dressed. I grab my phone, wallet, and my keys, I rub 2-D on his leg for one last sign of affection before I left for my grocery (and other essentials) shopping trip for the entire house.

     Living with 4 other people, especially if they are a band, can be very tiring...and expensive.

 (I hate doing this but) 2-D’s POV (This takes place maybe like an hour later)

     My brain is yelling at me to get up, and I have to listen so I open up my eyes, squinting to help my eyes adjust to the light, I was about to pick my nose but then I remember how Y/N would tell me not to do it because it’s bad for me, so I put my tongue back my mouth. Speaking of Y/N, where are they? I turn to look at their side of our bed, where did they go? I feel myself frown and get up off our bed.

     I see some of Y/N clothes scattered across the floor, then I heard the shower turn on. My eyes widen, my brain slowly connecting the dots. Y/N’S IN THE SHOWER!! My big brain immediately thought of something. I SHOULD SCARE THEM! I quickly grab my clown mask and put it on, tip toeing toward our washroom door. Maaaaaaaaan I’mma get them soooo good! :)

     I slowly open the door, making sure I’m as quiet as possible. Turing my head toward the shower seeing their figure move across our shower. I quietly creep up to the curtain and as fast as lightening I pulled the curtain back! “BOO-AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH” my happy face quickly turn into a horrified one as I see a naked Murdoc in our shower! I quickly slide back almost falling, turning to run out of the room screaming! I run and jump into Y/N and I’s bed, hiding under the covers.

               (Again I hate doing this but…) Y/N’s POV

     I turn my key into the lock and open the door. Thank goodness I got everything we need. I enter the kitchen, my hands full of groceries, I was just about to call one of the others to help me put them away, but before that I heard a scream from upstairs. I immediately drop everything make a mad dash upstairs. Somehow knowing that it came from 2-D and I’s room, I make a left down the to see the door open, a lump under our covers, with the bathroom door open as well. I quickly ran into the room to see what was going on, checking the bed first, I pull the covers off to see 2-D curled up into a ball. “Stuart what’s going on” I say a little louder than I mean to. He slowly looks up at me.

     “mur-mur-murdoc” he mumbles out. Though I can barely hear

     “What about Murdoc, Stu?” I now calmly ask.

     “He’s in our washroom…” He shakily replies. I quickly understood what had just occurred. I calmly rub his back and decide to deal with this myself. I turn to leave for the bathroom, but I feel 2-D grab my hand. “Please don’t leave” he pleads, looking up at me with sad eyes. My goodness he is just too adorable.

     “Don’t worry Stu, I’ll be right back, I just have to deal with our…situation” My eyes toward the door then going back to him giving a sympathetic look. 2-D loosens his grip on me.

     “Alright love” he whispers to me. I give him a loving pat before heading toward the bathroom. I reach the door, I take a deep breath in before peeking my head in. To see Murdoc slightly covered with the shower still on and USING MY SHAMPOO?!

     “MURDOC NICCALS, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” I yell at him. He quickly drops the bottle before turning to look at me.

     “uhm, taking a shower?” He responds very calmly acting like there was nothing wrong with the situation at hand. I take another step in the bathroom, I pinch the bridge of my nose, pushing my glasses up at the same time.

     “Uhm! I am seeing many things wrong with what I see right now” I say as I began to list them out. “1! You are in 2-D and I’s bathroom, 2! You're using my products, AND 3! You don’t seem phased by anything that just happened!” I loudly list out. Murdoc gives me a shrug.

     “Should I be reacting in a certain way?” He asks blatantly. I was a little taken aback.

     “Alright, here is what is going to happen. You are going to dry off, take your clothes, leave my bathroom, never come back in here again” I say glaring at him. “And when you are clothed, you will come back to our bedroom and apologize to Stuart, do you understand me?” I ask firmly. He gawks at me; he then mumbles something under his nasty breath. “Come again?” I say putting a hand behind my ear to hear him better.

     “Fine!” he snaps at me. I leave the bathroom satisfied, I look over at my bed to see Stu sitting up staring intently at me, his eyes widened. I walk over to him and climb up on our bed and over to him. I cup his face in my hands.

     “Babe, are you okay?” I question looking deep into his darkened eyes.

     “I’m doing better now love” He says softly at me, with a full semi-toothed smile he brings one of his hand up to cover mine. I raise an eyebrow.

     “Then why were you having a staring contest with the door?” I ask tilting my head slightly. I see his cheeks redden.

     “Well, it’s just- I’ve never seen see you that mad before.” He says very softly, his face getting closer to mine. “It was…very…attractive” he whispers, finally closing the space between us, kissing me. I hear a gagging sound behind me, I take off my shoe and throw it at the noise. I hear it collide and a slight ow, making me giggle after I hear the door close. I pull away to breathe, even though shortly after 2-D pulls me back in for another deeper kiss.

[marvelmymarvel]

Old Memories, Same Crush

Part 2/3

George Luz x Medic!Reader

Synopsis: You knew George Luz from Rhode Island where you both went to high school. You had a major crush on him, but being the nerd and him being the class clown made it seem impossible. You got over your crush once you joined the Airborne, but then you run into him again. Something blooms.

Warning: Sexual Harassment. Slight PTSD? My brother has it from the war so I’m familiar with it and its symptoms, but if you feel like its wrong please let me know. Her PTSD is more like bullying/harassment. If that makes you uncomfortable than I apologize. If you wish to read and this bothers you because of past experiences, please remember this: You are worthy and you did not deserve that harassment, there was no reason for it and no matter what people around you may think, you are the victim. Please speak up and never go silent. You’re worth more than silence. 

IMPORTANT A/N (PLEASE READ FIRST): Some characters will be portrayed as worse than they were in real life, these versions are not supposed to match the real-life people in the show so PLEASE imagine them as different people. I mean no disrespect.

Story 1: Old Memories, Same Crush (1, 2, 3)

Story 2: Tomorrow Is Another Day (1, 2, 3)

Story 3: TBD

September 5th, 1943; Train to Brooklyn Naval Shipyard: 20 Years Old

The train rumbled and you leaned your head against Eugene's shoulder as Nixon passed by, going straight to Winters. “I hope our friendship gets to be that strong Genie” you cooed out as you turned and nuzzled into his warm neck. 

This was you.

Cuddly, warm, happy, and you... You didn't like the ‘Scarlet O’Hara’ show that you put on for the men. After all, it made you feel worthless and easy, two things you were certainly not. Eugene stuck by you, but George didn't.

Your eyes traveled to a seat adjacent from you both to the brunette who silently read a book. You watched him as his eyes traveled across the page, his brain taking him to another world as he read about dragons and knights. He wished to be a knight, but he didn't know that he was your knight in shining armor. Sighing you looked back up at Eugene who looked at you knowingly before nodding over to the man, encouraging you to man up and talk to him. “No” you stated firmly before sitting up straight and crossing your arms like a child. “If you don't go Y/n I will drag you there” his normally sweet cajun accent threatened you causing your face to go pale. You knew not to mess with him, but you also knew you couldn't face George again. “Y/n” he growled lowly in your ear, causing your cheeks to heat up knowing there was no way out of this. “One”

“No” you whispered out shakily as you looked at Eugene in fear.

“Two”

“Genie please” you begged as you braced yourself.

“Three” his arms looped around your waist as he pulled you up with him before hauling you over and into the empty seat next to George. Your eyes went wide at your best friend but he turned around and laid down both seats so you couldn't return...

Bastard.

Turning back, your face was close to George’s making you inhale sharply and pull back. “Sorry” you muttered out sheepishly as you rubbed your bright red neck. The last time he had talked to you was in the bar when you and Babe made out. He had seen you at your worst and you didn't blame him for hating it, you hated it too. But when you tried to talk to him he would run out or ignore you. You didn't really know why he was so upset, but you didn't care.

“You’re sitting next to me now?? I thought Babe’s seat was open for you... Or any other man for that matter” he muttered out before turning his attention back to his book. Your heart shattered and you recoiled back into yourself, feeling ashamed for your behavior. George expected a witty comeback or a simple ‘Fuck you’, but neither came. He looked up from his book and saw you staring at your hands. Your face was blank but your eyes screamed sadness. “I’m sorry Y/n” he whispered out as he closed his book “I shouldn't have-” but your sniffle cut him off, “Save it... I know I’m nothing but a whore to you” you whimpered out before standing up and swiftly moving to the back of the train where Malarkey was. Eugene had moved his legs and looked at you softly but you just walked past him, not in the mood for these stupid games. Eugene’s eyes trailed to George who looked back at him in despair. Eugene stood and menacingly hovered over George who was still sitting. “I’m gonna talk... And you’re gonna listen... Is that understood?” Eugene snarled out as his fingers gripped the back of the seats. George nodded sheepishly before Eugene plopped down angrily. If George wouldn’t listen to you.

He’d have to listen to the Cajun.

September 6th, 1943; Brooklyn Naval Shipyard: 20 Years Old

You were walking through the ship, looking for an open bed by Easy Company when a hand grabbed you and pulled you to sit down. You let out a yelp but two strong arms caught you, allowing your body to make a soft landing on the bed and the person. “Hi babe, we can share a bed” the strange man purred out as he bopped your nose with his dirty finger. The men around him, who you soon realized where from Dog company, laughed and catcalled the man as he grabbed your butt roughly. “Ugh” you groaned out disgustedly as you tried to push from him but he only grabbed harder. “Come on baby, you gotta help a man out, I haven't seen tits in 2 years.” He joked out as he grabbed the top of your shirt, trying to rip it open with his one hand. “LET ME GO YOU PRICK” you screamed out as you pushed with both hands against his chest but it was no use. At this point, some of the men in Easy a couple rows down heard the commotion causing them to stir as no one touched their girl.

A strong arm wrapped around you and hauled you off the man. Just from the tight hold and the scent of the man, you knew who it was. “Hey, why don't you get your nasty paws off her before I slam a fist down your throat” Don snarled out as he held you tightly to his side, fearful that you were gonna vanish if not. Your cheeks heated up as some of Dog company laughed at the fact that part of your shirt was open. You ducked your reddened face and began to button up the shirt before hiding your face in Don’s shoulder. “Sorry man didn't think she was yours” the man joked as he reached out to pinch your cheek. Don slapped his hand away before pushing you towards some Easy men who had come as backup. The force of the shove caused you to go flying as you tripped on a pair of shoes. Lieb caught you and helped you straighten up as he smoothed your hair down and pushed you towards the safety of the Easy men area. Like an assembly line, you were passed from one man to another as they wanted to help Don beat up the man that harassed you. 

You were finally placed on a bed beside Muck as you heard the fight begin breaking up thanks to the Lieutenants. Don came back with a bloody nose and you scrambled up to asses him as he looked at you with a big smile. You shoved him down on the bed you were just sitting on and lifted his chin to examine the broken bones, “You didn't have to fight him Don” you muttered out as you opened your bag, searching for something to help set it in place. Raising your head back up he was suddenly closer to you. Muck had left and the men went back to their respective bunks, all feeling proud that they beat the twerp to a pulp. “No one touches you” he whispered out as his finger ran down your face, his knuckles were bloody but you knew it wasn't his. You gulped as your heart skipped a beat but you nodded and grabbed his chin to help his nose. What he did for you as a friend meant so much... But it felt more than as a friend.

And you kinda liked it.

May 18th, 1943; Aldbourne, England: 20 Years Old

Sobel came storming into the barracks, screaming for everyone to get ready for PT, everyone except for you. “Y/n!” he screamed out, causing you to freeze up in fear. Flashbacks of your past experiences with bullying have taught you to just take it, take the harassment and pray that it's over soon. Now that you were in the Airborne, you had to learn to stand up for yourself yet you always found out that it was easier said than done. “Yes sir” you stated firmly as you turned on your heels and straightened up in front of him, the fear was hidden well. Something you learned in training.

He stayed silent as the door closed, leaving you two alone in the quiet barrack. You didn't think anything of it until Sobel came to you in two long strides, making you stumble back into the wall behind you. The shock was written on your face as he grabbed your braid before inhaling it deeply through his nose. Goosebumps raised along your arms and you froze, not sure what to do in this situation. “I’ve seen you eyeing me Private... Did you really think I wouldn’t notice your wants?” he purred in your ear as his lips traveled to your neck before kissing it softly. Your breathing had stopped altogether at this point and you were sure he would get the hint.

But he didn't.

His hands traveled down your sides before resting on your hips as his lips attacked your throat. “Please stop” you finally mustered out as his hands gripped your hips tightly before he ripped them up towards his. “I know you want this Private... Wanted it for a very long time” he muttered out as he pulled his head up to lean against yours. You cringed back a little, hoping to put some distance, any distance, between you two. You shook your head violently as tears fell, “No, Captain, I-I never wanted this” you whimpered out but he just shushed you by slamming his lips against yours. His hands traveled up under your jacket and you just stood there, eyes wide open as he felt you up. After seconds of this, your fight or flight finally kicked in. Shoving your knee up, they slammed into his groin causing him to groan and stumble back. You grabbed his face before slamming the knee into it, knocking him out fully. 

You stood there looking down at him shakily as tears flowed from your eyes. You had to tell someone, Sobel had always made passes at you, but never this. Your feet carried you to the one person you knew you could trust.

The Colonel.

“Did he hurt you?” The Sink started right after you got done crying. The poor secretaries had to scramble to find you more tissues, considering you couldn't stop crying from the fear. Your eyes lifted to him, silently pleading with him to believe you. “He didn't get the chance Colonel” you whimpered out as a hiccup escaped your throat. The secretary flew in with some more tissues and you thanked him with a weak smile before he flew out again. “I’m proud of you Y/n...” he stated before nodding his head as he grabbed his cigar and stood up fully. The chair that you sat in felt welcoming and for once, you felt safe. You didn't know if that was thanks to the Colonel being nothing but a father to you, or that he was listening and obviously cared about the situation. But you were wrong. He didn't just care about the situation.

He cared about you as well.

Ever since he got word of the incident on the ship to England, he kept a close eye on you, praying that nothing else would harm you. You signed up for war. Not harassment and he was very disappointed in his men. Which is why the man who harassed you on the boat was sent back to America, and why he was going to do his next couple of actions. He squatted down in front of you before grabbing your trembling hand in his large, old ones. The wrinkles and warmth made you feel at home and his soft face made you calm down almost immediately. You weren't sure if he would take you seriously, but you reminded him so much of his own daughters that were safe at home. 

“I’ll take care of him Y/n... You will not have to worry about him anymore and if anything like this happens again, you promise you will come to me? I will not tolerate harassment...” he trailed off as he rubbed a loving circle on the back of your hand. You nodded as you fought back tears once more, thankfully the tears were happy instead of fear. “Now I want you to go find Winters or Nixon and stick by one of them... By morning Sobel will be gone, but I need you to be safe until then... Understood?” he continued and you nodded once more. He stood up and helped you stand as well. He grabbed your shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze.

“You’re strong... Don't let some idiotic man change that” he stated finally before motioning to the man at the door who then opened it for you. “Go with her and place her with Nixon or Winters and make sure they know she is not to leave their sights... Then go find Sobel and bring him here...” Sink instructed as the secretary grabbed you softly around the arm. “Yes sir” he started before he turned back to you and encouraged you to come with him. You didn't know what Sink was going to do to Sobel.

But you didn't care.

You and the secretary found Nixon who was going over plans in his office. Knocking on the door, you could see Nixon pouring a glass of whiskey before he called out for you two to come in. His eyes flicked up and he set his whiskey down swiftly the second he saw your bloodshot eyes. “My God... What the hell happened to you? Are you hurt? Who hurt you??” Nix muttered out as he rounded the desk and cupped your cheeks in his hands, observing you for any wounds or bruises that could answer his question. The secretary cleared his throat, causing Nix to stop and look at him as he motioned with his head to the hallway. Nixon nodded before wrapping an arm around you and guiding you to a seat “Alright sweets, I’m gonna be right back but you just stay right here alright? I’ll be right outside if you need me” he whispered before squeezing your shoulder as you sat down. The door closed behind you softly, signaling that they were both out in the hallway and that Nix was about to hear the story for hopefully the last time. 

You just wanted it to be over. 

‘Soon’ you reminded yourself. Soon you’d be free from that man.

May 19th, 1943; Aldbourne, England: 20 Years Old

You watched Sobel leave from where you and Nix sat on the grass. Having to spend the day with the grumpy Lieutenant was actually quite enjoyable. Not only did he make you feel safe, but he made you feel okay. He took a drag of his cigarette as he watched Sobel intently while your attention was fully on the Lieutenant beside you. His lips wrapped around the cigarette and your mouth began to water, you didn't know if it was the cigarette or his lips that made you hungry.

But you wanted to find out.

Reaching up, you grabbed the cigarette from his pink lips. “Hey princess that's mine” he grumbled but didn't make a move to stop you as you took a drag from it. Smoke filled your lungs as you laid back onto the grass, an airy giggle rising up and out of your throat as you looked at the white puffy clouds above you. Letting the smoke come out, you turned your head to look at Lew who was smiling softly down at you. You should be sad and scared still, but he made you feel so safe. Sure he could be hard to get along with, but through this whole thing, he was nothing but kind and understanding. Your eyes looked at his lips while his eyes stayed strictly on yours. He didn't want you to feel like a piece of meat, something a man could take without asking. You were more than that. 

He wondered if he could show you that. 

“You know you’re a special girl right?” he whispered out as he grabbed the cigarette from your lips, letting his fingers brush against the skin of your face made your body ignite. “I’ve been told” you stated simply as you sat back up, watching him take a drag from the now red-stained cigarette. “Are you wearing lipstick??” He grumbled out as he pulled it back and exhaled the smoke. You cackled at his bright red lips before shoving him and grabbing it again. “Guess its mine” you whispered out playfully as you stood up and began sprinting away from him.

He chased after your giggling form but his face froze as he noticed where you were running. “Y/N!” he screamed out but you just giggled and turned back to face where you were going. You inhaled sharply as your body collided with Sobel’s, causing you two to slam onto the ground. The cigarette flew across the gravel and your courage went with it. You scrambled to your feet and your heart began to beat faster at the glare he shot you, “You better watch yourself...” he snarled out before standing up and straightening his hat that was knocked partially off of his head from the impact.

“She won't have to” You heard a deep voice call out from behind you as you were grabbed by the wrist and pulled behind the person. You expected Lew, but turning you saw that he was stopped in his tracks, not expecting this side of...

“Lieutenant Winters” you started as you grabbed his arm softly but you saw his head shake, signaling for you to be silent. “You will not harm anyone in my company again... Seeing you leave is a relief, not only for me but for my company. Have a great rest of your life” Dick snarled out before saluting him and turning towards you, grabbing your bicep he pulled you back over to Lew who was in total shock of the situation. He had never seen his best friend lose his cool before, but when it came down to you and your safety, any saint lost their cool. “You were supposed to keep watch of her Lew” Dick snarled out as he let you go. There wasn't a word for how upset he was at the whole situation so you being that close to Sobel made the anger 10x worse. “It was my fault Lieutenant... I ran away from him, please do not blame him” you pleaded as you grabbed Dicks arm once again before stepping in between the men as a sort of shield. You had grown to like Lew...

But he didn't hold your heart like another did. 

Granted, the two men you were in between both took your breath away. They were both gorgeous, tall, and protective... But they were missing something. Your eyes landed on someone across the way and you looked back at Winters, “May I be excused, sir? Sobel is gone and I wish to speak to someone...” you muttered out before stepping back and giving you space from the two men. You were foolish, trying to fall for these two men when you knew only one had your heart.

And it was neither of them.

It wasn't Malarkey who saved you from Dog company, it wasn't Liebgott who caught you before you fell, it wasn’t Muck who made you feel safe, it wasn't Nixon who made sure you slept soundly beside him and it wasn’t Winters who protected you from an upset Sobel.

It was Luz. George Luz.

“Permission granted Private. You know where to find me or Nixon if something comes up... Please be safe” Winters muttered out before squeezing your bicep and pushing you away from the two men who were about to argue it out like children. You weren’t going to stay for it though, you thought as your strides got longer and faster as you ran towards the one person who was on your mind. The one you loved.

The only one you loved. 

“Luz” you exclaimed out breathlessly as you grabbed his wrist, causing him to stop in the group of men who now looked at you both expectantly. Eugene gave you a smile when you looked at him, encouraging you to finally do this. Looking back at the brunette, you took a deep breath.

“I lied...” you whispered out before looking around at the other men who hadn’t gotten the hint that you two needed privacy. Luz looked at you blankly, he had heard what had happened to you and he was trying very hard not to punch somebody. You looked back at him before shaking your head and lurching forward. Cupping his cheeks in your hands, you slammed your lips against his. The men got the hint and swiftly moved away from the situation as Luz grabbed you firmly by the waist. Kissing you harder, he felt the anger melt away, finally understanding everything...

Or so he thought.

Pulling back you rested your head against his, building up the new courage to tell him the truth once and for all. 

“I’m her... I’m Y/n”

And just like that, he was lost again. 

End A/N: The final part will be posted tonight as well as Mama and Her Babies

Tags:

@hell-itwasyou  @desired-love- @privatebullshit506   @whatwouldidowithoutgeorgeluz  @etainlord @longing-for-the-past-times @themostunstableunicorn  @joonflu   @its-a-polyglot @liebthots ​ @liebgoth ​ @xjustmenobodyelse @bandofbrothers-marvel-movies @higgles123 @uwurunicornuwur @heartbeats-wildly @daddyspeirs0 @roger-bang-the-drum @bandofmarvels @decaffeinatedtachycardia @junojelli @curraheev @cutthroatss @glxssysam

[lazingonsunday]

Tag Game!!

I was tagged by @gretavanfic and @bigthighsandstupidguys , thank you, lovelies!! 💛

1. What is your middle name?

Starts with G lol

2. How old are you?

20

3. When is your birthday?

Dec 2

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Everyone is putting like moon and sun and rising and I have no idea what that mean lmao, sorry! I think I’m a Sagittarius though

5. What is your favourite colour?

Orange or Yellow 🧡💛

6. What’s your lucky number?

Don’t really have one, but I always tried to be #10 on my volleyball jersey

7. Do you have any pets?

An old border collie named Riley

8. Where are you from?

Canada! 🇨🇦

9. How tall are you?

Like 5’7 ish

10. What shoe size are you?

Usually 9.5 or 10. I got big ass feet :(

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Way more than one human being needs

12. What was your last dream about?

I went to IT chapter 2 last night so safe to say I was having some freaky clown dreams all night lol

13. What talents do you have?

Um, I can say the alphabet backwards, which is super random lol. I can also kinda play guitar, bass, ukulele, and harmonica, but I’m not very good at any of them yet lol

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I used to think so when I was little, but not so much anymore

15. Favourite song?

Ooh, this is hard. Right now I really love When The Curtain Falls by GVF, but I would say an all time fave might be Forever in Blue Jeans by Neil Diamond because it reminds me of my mom

16. Favourite movie?

Oh, also a tough one! I think either Rocky IV or The Sandlot

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Jake Kiszka, obviously. But in all seriousness, anyone who is genuinely kind that I feel comfortable and happy around.

18. Do you want children?

I never thought so, but now a bunch of my older cousins are having kids and they’re pretty cool, so maybe one day if I found the right person to raise them with

19. Do you want a church wedding?

No, even though my mom will kill me if I don’t lol

20. Are you religious?

I was raised Catholic, but I don’t consider myself religious anymore.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yes, I’m asthmatic af lol, and prone to breaking my fingers playing rugby

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

No, I am a well-behaved child

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

I met the magicians Penn & Teller if that counts haha

24. Baths or showers?

For practical purposes of actually getting clean, showers, but I l o v e baths

25. What colour socks are you wearing?

Black

26. Have you ever been famous?

No

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

While I daydream about it frequently, realistically I know I would hate it

28. What type of music do you like?

Literally the most random taste in music, it changes all the time. I don’t even have certain genres that I like, just certain artists or albums from a variety of genres

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Yes. I was very drunk lmao

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Three normal ones and a body pillow

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

On my side cuddled up with the pillows

32. How big is your house?

Typical white suburban neighbourhood house

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

I typically pout in the kitchen for 10 minutes before I give up and make something completely inappropriate for breakfast lmao. Usually grilled cheese. This morning alphagetti. I hate breakfast so much lol

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Nope. No desire to.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes, we did it in school a few times

36. Favourite clean word?

Love

37. Favourite swear word?

Idk if it’s a swear word, but I say ‘goddammit’ a lot

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Not long, I’m a sleepy bitch. Probably 24 hours

39. Do you have any scars?

Yes

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

In 9th grade I found out this guy had a crush on my and told literally everyone but me lol

41. Are you a good liar?

I don’t lie very often, but mostly because I am a terrible liar

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Yes. I frequently get such strong vibes off of people and I can tell right away if they’re the kind of person that’s gonna stress me out

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Not well

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I guess I probably have a Canadian accent, but not super strong. The region I’m from has a pretty neutral North American accent

45. What is your favourite accent?

Certain regions of Irish accent are so beautiful. Like Hozier’s accent

46. What is your personality type?

Quite shy, but generally very kind

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

I have a shirt that I got for work that was like a hundred bucks and I never wear it cause I sprayed foundation on it once and now I’m scared I’m gonna ruin it lol

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes

49. Are you an innie or outie?

Innie

50. Left or right handed?

Right

51. Are you scared or spiders?

Not really scared of them, but I don’t like them to be close to me if that makes sense

52. Favourite food?

Probably burritos

53. Favourite foreign food?

Mexican

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Fairly clean

55. Most used phrase?

I really don’t think I have one?

56. Most used word?

Completely. I say it like to agree with someone or acknowledge what they’re saying

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Depends what I’m getting ready. For school or something I don’t really care about, maybe half an hour. For work or going out, probably over an hour.

58. Do you have much of an ego?

I don’t think so

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck until I get bored and crunch it lol

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Yes, a concerning amount. Like full conversations with myself at full volume, constantly when I’m alone.

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Occasionally

62. Are you a good singer?

Not really

63. Biggest fear?

Never learning how to make meaningful connections , pushing all my friends away, and dying alone.

64. Are you a gossip?

No, I hate it! My friends try to tell me about people we went to high school with, and I just genuinely don’t care and don’t want to know lmao

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Idk what classifies as a ‘dramatic’ movie, but I guess the Rocky movies again

66. Do you like long or short hair?

I love long hair, I’m so jealous of people with really long hair. Mine grows so slow :(

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Maybe, if I thought really hard about it? I can barely remember Canadian provinces lmao

68. Favourite school subject?

I always really loved some topics in science, but then hated others. I was probably best at English.

69. Introvert or extrovert?

Introvert af

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

No, even snorkeling freaks me out. The ocean is some scary soup

71. What makes you nervous?

Pretty much everything lol. But mostly any social situation where there’s people I don’t know, or I don’t know exactly what to expect.

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Really depends where I am. Usually no, but if I’m outside then usually yes, and after watching It last night, yes lol

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Depends who it is and what the mistake is

74. Are you ticklish?

Honestly, not really

75. Have you ever started a rumour?

Not intentionally

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Kind of? At work they have like hourly leaders who are in charge of the sales floor, and I did that a lot, but it’s not really a lot of power or responsibility. Also babysitting I guess

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Yes

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Honestly, this is gonna sound so stupid, but I’ve never done anything other than alcohol and cigarettes. I actually high key wanna try weed, but again the whole ‘not knowing what to expect makes me anxious thing.’ Not even so much that I’m nervous to try the drug but that I’m nervous to try to buy it or get it, even though it’s fully legal in Canada and there’s a dispensary on every corner lmao

79. Who was your first real crush?

The first one I remember was a boy named Evan in first grade

80. How many piercings do you have?

Just my ears, and I rarely wear earrings so I always have to stab through them again when I do

81. Can you roll your R’s?

No, and I can’t whistle either! Which is deeply infuriating!

82. How fast can you type?

Fast enough to not look foolish

83. How fast can you run?

Not fast at all. I’m asthmatic and out of shape lmao

84. What colour is your hair?

An ugly medium mousy brown. I always wanna dye it a little lighter, but I go to the hairdresser like once every two years so it would look stupid when it grew out lol

85. What colour are your eyes?

Hazel-y greenish

86. What are you allergic to?

All sorts of environmental allergies; dust, pollen, animal hair, etc. I’m always sneezing and watery eyes lol

87. Do you keep a journal?

I carry a notebook, but it’s more like an agenda than a diary

88. What do your parents do?

My dad owns a drywall company and my mom is a stay-at-home mom, but she volunteers a lot now that we’re older

89. Do you like your age?

No. I think that being in your late teens and twenties can be really stressful because you feel like there’s certain things that you should have accomplished or experienced and it can be very overwhelming, feeling like you’re competing with all your peers to get your life together

90. What makes you angry?

Rude and disrespectful people

91. Do you like your own name?

Not really

92. Have you thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

I’ve definitely thought about it but I don’t really have specific favourites

93. Do you want a boy or girl for a child?

I don’t have a preference. I’d probably like to have one of each

94. What are your strengths?

I think I’ve become a lot more kind and open-hearted in the last few years.

95. What are your weaknesses?

I feel like I have let fear dictate my entire life, and there’s so many things I haven’t done because I’ve been afraid. I need to step outside my comfort zone more often.

96. How did you get your name?

There was a character on a TV show called my name that my parents liked

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Not that I am aware of

98. Do you have any tattoos?

I changed the question because scars was an earlier one. I have two tattoos on my right arm

99. Colour of your bedspread?

Because it’s summer, I have a lighter blanket that’s light blue. My winter duvet is navy

100. Colour of your room?

Light blue

That was LONG lmao but really fun! I’m too lazy to bold the questions so sorry if it’s hard to read!

Tagging: @frcmthefires @sweetkiszkadreams @okietrish @sammyscherub @gretavanbobatea @jake-thomas-kiszka @mr-stank-i-dont-feel-so-dank and anyone else who wants to do it!!

[happyk44]

1-100 all

ONE HUNDRED FUCKING QUESTIONS

1.. what is you middle name?

Marie.

2. how old are you?

A number.

3. what is your birthday?

April 25th

4. what is your zodiac sign?

Taurus.

5. what is your favorite color?

BLUE.

6. what’s your lucky number?

Fuck, I don’t have my sheet in front of me rn but I’m confident there’s a 3 somewhere among it.

7. do you have any pets?

3 cats: Turbo (mine), Olive (my sister), Daisy (mom and dad)

8. where are you from?

BERMUDA.

9. how tall are you?

5 foot 2 and a quarter

10. what shoe size are you?

8 ½

11. how many pairs of shoes do you own?

Currently?? 3. Sneakers, slip-ons (which I don’t wear now that the ground is wet all the time) and boots.

12. what was your last dream about?

Idk.

13. what talents do you have?

Idk again. Writing seems to be up there.

14. are you psychic in any way?

No.

15. favorite song?

Changes all the time but currently? Way Down Hadestown, Rewrite the Stars, This Is Me, The Greatest Show, Epic (Part 3), Chant, Riptide, Take Me to Church.

16. favorite movie?

Power Rangers

17. who would be your ideal partner?

Uh, idk. Someone who likes to cuddle, doesn’t mind being affectionate but can give space when needed and doesn’t let me fall back on my own shit. Someone who can make me smile just by thinking about them. Someone who I can talk to about the stuff I enjoy and who will talk about the stuff they like, even if they’re not common interests.

18. do you want children?

Not really.

19. do you want a church wedding?

No.

20. are you religious?

No, but my dad wishes (and probably thinks) I am.

21. have you ever been to the hospital?

YEP! Gotta love asthma attacks and chronic sickness :P

Also occassional visits to my papa (rip) when my granny would go on vacation and placed him in the hospital’s care for brief times because of his dementia.

22. have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Nope.

23. have you ever met any celebrities?

None that I’m aware of.

24. baths or showers?

Showers.

25. what color socks are you wearing?

Black.

26. have you ever been famous?

Nope.

27. would you like to be a big celebrity?

Mmm, not really. All that attention seems terrifying. But like, if I could be, celebrity enough that I’m well-known among people and get good wages doing whatever, then yes.

28. what type of music do you like?

All kinds. I have aversions to stuff that picks at my ears wrong or makes my heart beat too fast, though, so a lot of hard metal and soca wind up being out.

29. have you ever been skinny dipping?

Yes. I was a toddler. Clothing means nothing when you’re a baby and live in a hot-ass humid climate.

30. how many pillows do you sleep with?

3

31. what position do you usually sleep in?

On my side or on my stomach. I’ve been trying to sleep on my back lately though.

32. how big is your house?

Small.

33. what do you typically have for breakfast?

Cereal.

34. have you ever fired a gun?

To my knowledge, yes.

35. have you ever tried archery?

Yes.

36. favorite clean word?

Shiz :D

37. favorite swear word?

Fuck.

38. what’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

29ish hours? I stayed up one day to chat with a person who lived in Australia, wound up having to go to the store with my mom around 8 to get school clothes and crashed when we got back home about noon/one o’clock.

Though this month should raise that up higher given I have to be up for my exams starting at 9, stay up to catch my early morning flight the next day and stay up to catch my transfer flight and then keep staying up so I don’t crash through dinner and wake up at like one in the morning, like someone with jet lag. (Bermuda and Halifax are literally in the same time zone, I cannot do this to myself)

39. do you have any scars?

Yes. It stretches shortly on my forearm. I got it from an iron burn when I was about 12, I think?

40. have you ever had a secret admirer?

I think so?? If that’s what you’d call whoever keeps sending me those really sweet anons. :D

41. are you a good liar?

Sometimes.

42. are you a good judge of character?

I’d like to think so.

43. can you do any other accents other than your own?

I can do a semi-decent Irish/Scottish accent from my years of obsessively watching Ronan Inish and a thicker, more prominent Bermudian accent, like what my granny or teachers would have.

44. do you have a strong accent?

I don’t personally think I have an accent. My mom is deaf, my dad is American and the kids and family I grew up around never really used the thick version of a Bermudian accent. 

45. what is your favorite accent?

I don’t know. I don’t think I have one? Mostly other accents are just the way people talk and if anything,  just amuse me. Like for example, my friend’s Bahamian accent kills me, especially when she starts chatting with her friends from Nassau and their accents start rolling out super thick to the point where you gotta really pay attention to zero in on their words.

But, in Bermuda you’re taught by literally anyone so accents are just?? a thing that exist. I don’t have a favourite.

46. what is your personality type?

MBTI wise, a split between INTJ & INTP. Other types? IDK.

47. what is your most expensive piece of clothing?

PFT, prolly my shoes? I don’t really buy clothes. Though if my cousin’s coat no longer fits by the time the cold really hits and I need to use it, it’ll probably be a winter coat.

48. can you curl your tongue?

Yes.

49. are you an innie or an outie?

Innie

50. left or right handed?

Right handed.

51. are you scared of spiders?

Small spiders? No.

Giant spiders? Yes.

Weird looking spiders? Only if they’re too close to me.

52. favorite food?

Pineapple pizza. Apple spice cake too, I guess??

53. favorite foreign food?

Chinese, please and thank you, hit me up with that sweet and sour chicken.

54. are you a clean or messy person?

I try to be clean but depression and lack of energy makes it difficult. But I keep myself as organized as I possibly can and use procrastination to keep stuff as well-put as I can.

55. most used phrased?

I don’t even know.

56. most used word?

I also do not know.

57. how long does it take for you to get ready?

Pft, 7 to 15 minutes to shower on average (depends on if I’m washing my hair or not), fives minutes for face and teeth, five minutes to dress and like three hours to actually get up to get ready. :P

58. do you have much of an ego?

I try very hard not to.

59. do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck.

60. do you talk to yourself?

I used to when I was younger. Still do sometimes.

61. do you sing to yourself?

I used to and then I realized that a) my self-improvised songs are terrible and b) I can’t sing.

62. are you a good singer?

My mom is deaf. My dad has hearing difficulties. My papa’s singing voice is a wail and my granny’s is shrill sadness.

I was not born into this world a lucky man.

63. biggest fear?

Demon clowns. Dying alone. Being alone forever. Not getting to say the things I want to say to people. That I’ll crash and burn before I graduate or sometime soon after.

64. are you a gossip?

No.

65. best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

I dunno. The most dramatic movies I can remember tend to be war films based on true stories and I normally check out during that kind of stuff because thinking about the horrors of history and the fact that people suffered and died at the hands of people who still objectively exists freaks me out, sends me into a pit of misery until I combust within myself.

66. do you like long or short hair?

No preference for other people, short hair preference for myself. Currently, I’m growing it out so my friend can braid it then I’m gonna chop it back off when I get home in May.

67. can you name all 50 states of america?

If an American can’t do that, then what makes you think me, a Bermudian who’s only concern with the US is how it will affect me and my country and literally was over-relieved when I got dropped from a US history class, would ever know that.

Case in point, I spent most of my childhood assuming New Jersey was a city and only found out it wasn’t last year.

68. favorite school subject?

Accounting.

69. extrovert or introvert?

Introvert.

70. have you ever been scuba diving?

No.

71. what makes you nervous?

Life.

72. are you scared of the dark?

Depends.

73. do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Sometimes. It really depends on the person and the situation.

74. are you ticklish?

Yes.

75. have you ever started a rumor?

No.

76. have you ever been in a position of authority?

No.

77. have you ever drank underage?

Unfortunately, I have? but not anything serious. Just a few sips I didn’t want to take three times throughout my life.

78. have you ever done drugs?

Aside from my prescribed and despite my friends’ best efforts, no.

79. who was your first real crush?

Vanessa Hudgens and whoever that boy who played Freddie from iCarly was.

80. how many piercings do you have?

None.

81. can you roll your rs?“

Yes!

82. how fast can you type?

Who knows??

83. how fast can you run?

I can’t.

84. what color is your hair?

Dark brown with a bunch of purple & pink in it.

85. what color is your eyes?

Brown.

86. what are you allergic to?

Severely allergic to dust mites and extremely irritated by pollen and highly perfumed scents. Which, as far as I’m concerned, means I’m allergic to the damn air.

87. do you keep a journal?

Used to. Don’t anymore.

88. what do your parents do?

My dad is an electrician. He does freelance work for people building houses on-island and my mom is a records management administrator at my bank.

89. do you like your age?

I guess?

90. what makes you angry?

Lots of things. I’m very prone to anger. It’s why the Hulk/Bruce Banner was my favourite superhero as a kid and still is.

91. do you like your own name?

Yes! I do actually really like my name, which sucks because sometimes I get upset or uncomfortable when people refer to me by it and why I like it when people call me Jay, but otherwise my birth name is just beautiful and I don’t think I’d ever be able to give it up.

That being said, I super love the name Jay and when I finally move out of my house and away from Bermuda, I want to try using it more socially rather than just online.

92. have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

I don’t want babies.

93. do you want a boy a girl for a child?

Neither. I want another cat.

94. what are you strengths?

I write well, I can speak well and my pale as fuck skin doesn’t let people realize I’m mixed race so, like my friends point out, I get to skirt around the world, practically invisible and I like to work.

95. what are your weaknesses?

Procrastination, tendency to misery over small mistakes, tendency to blow up small things into large problems, tendency to feel abandoned by people who are not abandoning me, inability to properly fall asleep when I feel a lack of affection and touch in my life, inability to listen to people when they ramble on about things I don’t care about, inability to be upfront with how I feel towards my friends and how I feel they’re treating me, etc, etc, etc.

96. how did you get your name?

With my birthname, my mom picked it out from a book, I think?

With my preferred name,I was reading a book about a trans man called “I Am J” and when I got prompted about my name by a friend online, the name just popped into my head, felt immediately right and I used it and connected to it right away.

97. were your ancestors royalty?

I mean I doubt it but I WILL NEVER KNOW.

My mom is black! My dad is adopted! HOWEVER, FINDING OUT ANY ANYTHING ABOUT HER ANCESTRY IS MY MOM’S NUMBER ONE GOAL AND BELIEVE ME, ONCE SHE LEARNS THAT, I WILL LET Y’ALL KNOW.

98. do you have any scars?

Hasn’t this already been asked?

99. color of your bedspread?

Blue and white.

100. color of your room?

Dull green.

[seventhtower]

FRANK REVIEWS A MOVIE: Issue #3 - IT (2017) Part I

                So, here’s the thing: this movie sucks. But in order for me to accurately convey how much it sucks, I’m gong to break this review down into several parts: 1) The movie by itself, 2) The movie compared to the TV mini series, 3) The movie compared to the novel. I think it’s pretty important to address each in its own category and not mesh the three together. That way we can all see why “It” (2017) doesn’t stand up, no matter what the excuse is.                 But before we delve too deep into the sewers of Derry, I want to start off with things I DID enjoy about the movie. They’re few, but they are note worthy:                 - Some subtle things: There were a few things in the movie that were genuinely creepy to me, because they were so subtle. Like the kid show playing on all the TVs. Or my favorite part of the movie when the creepy old lady in the background of the library stops and stares at Ben reading the Derry history book. However, as much as I liked these bits, the movie always had a way to fuck it up and go overboard.                 - Neat visuals: I liked some of the design to a few things quite a bit! How the kids floating around the tower of junk, Pennywise’s blood floating upward when he was hurt, Pennywise’s “deadlights”, even the clown suit started to grown on me even if the makeup didn’t. I applaud some of the concept design, because it was pretty cool sometimes. And the cinematography is included here, because there was a lot of awesome shots. Like Stan fixing the askew painting on the wall, also fixing the camera’s perspective. Neat!                 - Funny: Some of the kids were great in this movie! Ritchie was hilarious, Bill and Stan were acted great, and Ben was adorable. They did splendid!

Alright, that’s about it for the stuff I liked. Moving on.

Chapter One: “IT” (2017)

                DISCLAIMER: I am a VERY big fan of the novel. You will often find me saying it’s basically my bible. A lot of questions I will be asking in this section I already know the answers to. What I aim to show is how an average viewer who is not privy to the novelor has any or no memory of the tv series can have these questions, and can be left wondering. I’m taking myself out of my fan shoes and putting myself in silly ass clown shoes, if you will, and will review this objectively.                 One of my friends streamed the entire opening sequence on her Snapchat before I saw the film myself and I was able to catch a sneak peak. And what I saw was dreadful. I think the entire film can be summed up with that whole pre-title section. Bad pacing, bad editing, not scary. Something like this:                 The story starts off with two boys in a room making a boat. The walls are littered with 80’s movie posters (trying hard not to pretend like I haven’t seen that aesthetic recently). Our lead child actor (?) (I’ll be honest by the end I’m not sure if there is a leader of the bunch), Bill, sits in bed sick, while his younger brother, Georgie, waits to be handed the boat. But first he must get the wax to it wont sink. But the was is in the basement! Reluctantly, he trugs down the dark basement stairs and finds the wax. During this slow climb downward a very loud, obnoxious, blare of his walkie-talkie cuts in: his brother reminding him to hurry up. Was that noise supposed to scare me? It didn’t even make anyone in the audience jump. Hmm. He eventually finds the wax and is stopped by a pair of shinny eyes staring at him from the darkness. He shines a flashlight on them and they turn out to be. . . I’m not sure exactly, but they were not belonging to monster. Que loud “scary noise” and a bit of thunder, and Georgie bolts backup the stairs to have some small chat with his brother before he’s off down the street chasing the boat in the rain. I’m not sure how this next part happens, because the camera clearly shows us, from his perspective, that there are two barricades directly next to each other. But he dips under one, and on his way up its revealed there’s another one (even thought they already showed us that) and he smacks his head and collapses. This kids kinda dumb. Anyway, he loses his boat in the sewer and this is where things start to get worse. We’re introduced to Pennywise, the villain of the movie here, as he greets Georgie from inside the sewer’s opening. Why is this kid talking to such a scary as clown? Just listen to it. It’s sounds like psychopath. This kid is dumb. The unfriendly clown chats it up with the not so bright child for a bit, then it cuts away to a woman and her cat opening her porch shutters. Why take the focus on Gerogie and the clown? Why was this so important enough to cut to? She doesn’t do anything. Back to the kid, and he’s about to take off, when Pennywise offers him his boat back. Come on. This clown is legit drooling. And is it cock-eyed?! What in the world. . . No way a kid is going to find this appealing enough to talk to. But, as established, this kids dumb, so he reaches for the boat, and the clowns face warps in a horrific toothy monstrosity of CGI effects. I’m not even frightened about all the fangs, I’m more scared about how bad it looks. Then we snap cut to a close up of It biting down on Georgie’s arm ripping it off. Something tells me that’s going to be the pattern here. . . Loud low scary noise, snap cut to close up of a scary thing. We’ll see. After having his arm bitten off and not passing out from shock or blood loss in a few seconds flat, the kid manages to crawl away yelling, before being drug down into the sewer. The old lady seen before notices the large amount of blood pooling in the rain. Did they really need a shot disrupting the flow the kid and clown just to show this old lady ahead of time? They could have cut that other part out and just shown her here and it would have worked fine. Man. The title comes after in a blaring cacophony of children laughing. And that’s that.

                The movie follows this formula pretty tightly. ESPECIALLY when it comes to the scares. Every one of them has a kid in a scary situation then the “loud spooky noise” happens, it cuts away to a close up of a gross face. I thought it was a coincidence the second time I noticed. By the end of the movie I was rolling my eyes. Jump scares lose what little effect they have when they’re predictable. There wasn’t a single thing in this movie that frightened me. There was the creepy bits mentioned in the cool stuff section, but nothing long lasting or made my heart quicken. And it’s not that I can’t be scared at all. Because I can be. But this movie didn’t even get close. The only part that could have potentially made me squirm was when Pennywise jumps out of the projection on the wall. But it is ruined by the weirdly paced slide effect. It kept cutting out to blackness for no reason. It wasn’t like he was slowly getting closer all creep like every time the light went back on. That would have been awesome. But he was already charging at the kids. It felt like a normal scene that had the cut always thrown in as an afterthought.                 And this is my main problem with this movie. It’s lack of subtlety. Once they have something going for it they ruin it by throwing a million other ideas into the scene. Ben reading the book in the library with the old woman in the background would have been great by itself. But they had to add an over the top chase scene. Instead of creating a sense of unsettling fear build up they opt for loud noises, cheap jump scares, and horrible CGI.                 And what’s with Pennywise running at the camera all the time? Almost every single instance of him creating the scare for the scene it’s him running head long at the viewer, usually having a weird epileptic shaking fit! How is that scary? And why does it look so awful? It looks as if were designed to be viewed for 3D but didn’t translate at all to 2D. Everything's blurred and frigidity. Isn’t he supposed to be the scariest part of the movie? Then why is he the least scary? Also, the voice It has is a little annoying to me. Its like a weird Jack Nicholson/ Heath Ledger mix. Its both growly and whiny in the span of a few words. I’ve seen a lot of people applaud his acting, but the most I saw him do of worth was drool. But I’m not going to hand out gold stars for physical acting for drool.                 To destroy the terror, or lack there of, are the Losers Club. The one with the glasses was pretty funny. But sometimes the humor gets a little out of place. Once again, lacking in subtlety. Then kid with the pills, was also the funny one, too? So, there’s two jokers, I guess. But his acting started to get annoying over time. It felt over the top and unnatural. By the way, that kid’s arm was NOT broken when he fell on the table. They show his arm clear as day and it aint broke until the next time they show him. Bill was played well, but his character was written poorly. He must be as dumb as his brother if he thinks he’s still alive to be found. And is his motivation to find his brother, or to kill It? That wasn’t really clear. Bev, I thought was pretty cool. Tough, strong female. Until she’s taken and used as the damsel in distress. Guess she wasn’t that tough. Ben, as a chubby kid at heart myself, was relatable. He was probably my favorite of the bunch. Kind of a nerd, with all the history stuff, secretly in love with a childhood crush. But he probably got it the worst out of all of them. He got it the worst from Henry, the bully, by having his name almost engraved into his stomach, and he also got it the worst from It by having his stomach slashed opened. The later was a bit odd to me, because no one seemed to really care that his stomach was literally ripped open. Not even him. And it wasn’t just a scratch. It was pretty bad. Dude, go to the hospital for that. Then there was the Jewish kid. I like that actor a lot. He had this natural inevitability to his character that was really nice. But he didn’t really do much. Then there’s, what was his name, Mike? Mark? The black kid. He wasn’t even In the movie for a large amount of it. And that’s kinda sad. Because I can see has the potential for some acting chops. And its even worse that all the bonding the kids do in the film, he isn’t a part of. He genuinely had no role other than to provide the gun thing. By the way, I don’t know if he should pay more attention to his Grandfather or something, but I don’t know how he got “I’m an outsider. I should stick to myself.” Form the speech he was given in the beginning. That’s a bit of a stretch.                 The subtlety knows no bounds even in the end, where the kids literally beat their fears into submission. But they still seemed kinda scared of them though, so, I’m not sure if that worked or not. But to be fair, I probably would have beat that clown, too, after doing that lame ass jig of a dance. Was that supposed to be humorous? I have no idea. But it was dumb. And I saw Ashlee Simpson do it better on SNL.                 All in all this movie is a cluster fuck. Things feel out of order or timed weirdly. Like why are we told what a leper is like half an hour AFTER we see a leper? All the scenes have no flow or rhythm to them. They feel like small shorts tied up with a very thing thread. For instance, they help Ben and in the next scene they’re friends. It just feels like stuff was missing to explain everything better. There are so many questions out in the air without any explanation. Here are a few:                 - Why does it keep showing “Silver” on Bill’s bike? Is that important?                 - What is that tubular building they kept showing? The one on the postcard? Is THAT   important?                 - Why does the Mark see multiple set of arms crawling out from behind the door when it was just his mom and dad that died in the fire?                 - Ben mentioned a “Bradly Gang”. What’s that? They never mentioned it.                 - Why is Pennywise a clown in the first place? Is it because Ritchie is scared of clowns? But he was a clown to everyone else, and before we even find that information out.                 - Was it actually a turtle that brushed by their feet in the lake? Was that important?                 - Why does Beverly cut her hair? Something her dad did? Didn’t I see that in the new Power Rangers movie too?                 - Why is Stan scared of the painting? I get that he IS scared of it, but why? They could have set that up better. And didn’t I see a similar painting escapes the painting is in the room thin the new Conjuring movie too?                 - How does Bev come to the conclusion that thembeing all together is why they were able to hurt It? They don’t know that. They never tried hurting it without them all together.                 - Does Ben have parents? And seriously, why doesn’t anyone care about his stomach slashed open?!                 - Why does It attack Mark with mantis hands(?) during the final fight?                 - Why does It turn into a mummy to attack Ben during the final fight?                 - Why does It turn into Bev’s dad when we all know she just practically killed him not too long ago.                 - If It can just capture them all one at a time like he did Bev, why are the rest of them even a threat.                 - Why does It turn into the demigorgon form Stranger Things? What are those weird lights in its mouth? Why does it make Bev into a psychic?                 - Why does this remind me of Stranger Things so much?                 - There are four bullies; why can I only remember two of their names? Who are the other two? Why weren’t they given names?                 - Why were the bullies even relevant? They didn’t do much that couldn’t have been taken out with no effect on the story.                 - Is Henry dead at the end?                 - Why did Henry need to kill his dad?                 - Henry’s dads the cop from the beginning of the movie? Were we supposed to know that?                 - How old are these kids? They look so young, but come out of Derry High School.                 - Why is Henry “looking” for Ben when school lets out?                 - Did they actually hurt It during the final fight? He doesn’t appear to be wounded, just wet.                 - Why does his head disintegrate before he falls?                 - Does the gun thing actually hurt him when Bill shoots him?                 - How did the kids get out of the sewers?                 - Why didn’t they try to get more adult help?                 - Why can’t Bev’s dad see the blood in the restroom?                 - Why do those old people in the car ignore Ben’s cries for help? Was the balloon supposed to mean they were actually Pennywise?                 - Why does It have a lair in a such an obvious spot? Anyone can just find the hole in the ceiling and look down and see all the kids floating.                 - Why did they all cut their hands in the end? Was it like a blood oath?                 - It feels like there's a book that would explain this stuff better. Is there a book?                 As you can see, this movie made me have a lot of questions. And some of this stuff felt like it was forced in with no explanation on purpose, but I’m not sure why. And half of those questions had nothing to do with the main story, so I’m really scratching my head on why they were included.                 In summation, I think this movie had a lot of potential going for it. It could have been pretty neat. But the lack of control to hold back left it bloated with too much junk. The scares weren’t scary, the clown wasn’t clowny, and the kids, while some were good, were somewhat ever the top.                 I give it it 4/10 Tim Currys.

Continued in “Part Two: ‘It’ (2017) vs ‘It’ (1990)

[sachiel21]

Ch 16 - First Date - More Than Meets The Eye

A/N I haven’t posted any writing on my tumblr for a looong time so here goes nothing. Link to story found here ffnet and ao3

Me: *Cracks knuckles and prepares to write fluff*

+Come out tonight?+ Blake looked at her phone and smiled at the text. The trip to LA was an emotional roller coaster for her and it had been about a week since they got back. Yang was being so patient with her, giving her space to decompress which she sincerely appreciated, but Blake was starting to miss the fiery blonde though. -What did you have in mind?- The reply came back almost instantly: +It's a surprise ;)+ -Well I guess I can't refuse then- +Pick you up at 5 :)+

Blake could hear the hum of Yang's motorbike before she stepped outside her door. The blonde had her helmet on and was grinning up at her through her aviator sunglasses. She got off the bike and took off her leather jacket, placing it around Blake's shoulders. "It might get a little windy." "What about you?" Blake asked. Yang was just wearing a long sleeved yellow T-shirt and the scarf she got her Christmas. "I'm used to it." She handed her a black helmet with a red rose design. "I hope you don't mind wearing Ruby's helmet. I promise she doesn't have cooties." Blake laughed and put the helmet on. She got on the back of the bike and hesitantly put her arms around Yang's waist. "So what do I do?" It was her first time riding on a motorcycle. "Just hold on tight," Yang said with a wink.

Despite Yang promising her that she'd take it slower, Blake found herself desperately latched on to Yang and shutting her eyes for most of the ride. They weaved in out of traffic. Blake tried to lean in with Yang for every turn like she instructed even though it made her feel like she was about to fall. Finally they arrived at their destination downtown, Tom McCall Waterfront Park. "Do you want your jacket back?" Blake asked as she dismounted the motorcycle. "Nah, it looks better on you," Yang replied. And she meant it, the black and yellow leather jacket was slightly big on Blake but it hugged her in all the right places. They started walking on the park path by the river. It was April and the cherry blossoms were in full bloom with a bright shade of pink speckling their branches. It was beautiful. The spring air smelled crisp with a hint of rain and the green scent of new growth. They walked with the sun at their back, the golden light from the late afternoon sun creating long shadows in front of them. Yang affectionately shoulder nudged Blake, smiling as she took her hand and laced their fingers together. Blake felt lighter as she walked, like the dark cloud hanging over had finally dissipated. She had Yang to thank for that. "What?" Yang asked, noticing Blake was looking at her carefully. "Nothing… You just look really pretty in the light." Yang beamed at her and slipped her arm around her waist, pulling her close as they strolled along. When they approached the two monuments of Friendship Circle, Blake drifted toward the steel railing and started watching the river as it went by, a roiling ebb and flow. She felt strangely comforted by the notion that the rivers would continue to flow and the world would go on no matter what terrible things happened in the past. That things could get better and there would be new opportunities to make things right. Maybe all was not lost after all. As Blake was silently contemplating, Yang walked over and gently wrapped her arms around her shoulders from behind. Blake closed her eyes and leaned back into her, knowing Yang would never let her fall. They stood there for a long time watching the river together until the sun started to set. "Hungry?" Yang asked, bumping their cheek bones together. "Starving." They walked back to the motorcycle and went to a fifties diner that was close by. When their order arrived, Blake opened her burger and carefully pulled out the raw onion slices. She saw Yang looking at her oddly. "I just don't want to taste onions all night," Blake explained. Yang smiled and started pulling out the onions in her burger as well. "Yang, you don't have to do that, I know you like them." "Yeah but you don't. Compromise is important in a relationship," Yang said with a laugh. Truthfully, her thoughts were alight with the possibility of a kiss at the end of the night. Onion breath would be a turn-off. Yang took a bite, humming appreciatively as she relished the rich taste of ground beef with the tangy pickles, ketchup and mustard. "Have you… Have ever dated a girl before?" Blake asked tentatively. "No, first time," Yang replied, taking a sip of her chocolate milkshake. Blake quietly sipped her strawberry milkshake, remembering the time Coco and Yang kissed at the party. It seemed pretty easy for Yang to do it. "I mean I've had crushes before but nothing… But nothing quite like this…" the blonde said, meeting her eyes briefly and blushing a little. "Have you?" Blake shook her head. She had only been in one relationship before she met Yang. "How's your dad doing?" "Good," came the automatic response, but then Yang caught herself. She realized she didn't need to pretend with Blake of all people. "He's… He's drinking less lately." They took a few bites in silence, an unpleasant tension settling around them. "My dad's not a bad person," Yang said suddenly. "… I know…" "It's just that… After mom died, a part of him seemed to die too... It took him a while but he's doing a lot better now than he was before…" Blake nodded. She was sorry she brought it up, seeing the sullen expression in Yang's eyes as she picked at her fries. "What was she like?" A smile came to Yang's face as she fondly remembered. "Summer? She was like super mom. Baker of cookies and slayer of giant closet monsters," she said with a chuckle. "She always gave me and Ruby so much love, even when we were bad and we didn't listen..." Even when I wasn't her own flesh and blood. "She sounds like an amazing person," Blake said. "She was... She was the best…" They finished their meal at a comfortable pace, talking about lighter subjects; if Jaune was going to get the guts to finally ask Pyrrha to the dance, which Ivy League school Weiss was applying to, and Ruby's latest engineering project. It was around eight when they left the diner, late in the evening but too early for bed. Neither of them wanted the night to end yet. "What do you want to do now?" Blake shrugged. "What is there to do?" Yang tapped her chin, trying to think of a place to go. As underage highschoolers, there weren't that many things to do at night. She had a feeling that Blake wouldn't enjoy sneaking into a loud club with her fake ID. "I've got it!" Yang announced suddenly. Uh oh, Blake thought. Yang had this look in her eyes, like she was up to something, but her smile was so bold and tempting that Blake couldn't resist. They rode to a different part of town and pulled up to a building with a red neon sign of a bowling pin. "Bowling?" Blake asked dubiously. "It'll be fun!" The bowling alley was dimly lit except for the lanes, a few of them were in the dark and lit up with neon colours for glow bowling. Blake's nose wrinkled at the astringent smell of spray disinfectant and musty pine. "Give it a chance," Yang said. They got their footwear, flat soled and slippery bottomed with blue and red patches of leather that reminded Blake of clown shoes. They were assigned Lane 18. Yang entered their names into the rudimentary computer so it would show up on the screen above the lane. She put down 'Firecracker' for herself and Blake picked 'Blake', a safe but respectable choice. The raven haired girl was up first. How hard could it be, Blake thought as she picked up her ball and walked up to the foul line. Apparently very hard as the ball slipped off her fingers on the swing and landed backwards with a loud thud on the wooden planks. Oops. Yang did her best to stifle her laughter but it was just too funny. "C'mon. Let's go pick out a different ball, one that won't slip off your bony fingers." "They're not bony…" Blake grumbled as she followed her to the ball shelf. Even with a ball with holes that fit her fingers better, Blake had trouble hitting even one pin, rolling gutter ball after gutter ball. Yang was definitely kicking her ass, rolling a few strikes and spares. Blake brooded on the hard plastic bench. She didn't show it very often but she had a competitive streak. She hated to lose. The only upside of the situation was she got to watch Yang as she bowled, the way she gracefully bent her long legs in position, and how her back curved when she released the ball. She was an athlete in every sense of the word and it showed. Luckily for Blake, halfway through the game they just stopped keeping score, grandma bowling the ball between their legs and tossing it backwards with colourful flare. Yang whirled Blake around by the waist when she somehow got a strike without trying at all. Blake's laughter rang high and light, a sweet melodic sort of sound that Yang wanted to hear more of. When she set her down, the effect was decidedly different than when she manhandled Ruby and her other friends. Blake had her arms around her neck and their faces were flushed, panting slightly from the exertion. Yang thought she saw something akin to desire in Blake's eyes when her gaze flitted down to her mouth, but the raven haired girl just pulled away and smirked in a way that was both enthralling and maddening. It was at that moment that Yang knew she was in trouble. She was falling hard but she couldn't find it in herself to care. "Did you have a good time?" Yang asked as she helped Blake off the bike. They were outside her house. The night air smelled like damp grass and soil, it felt cool against her skin. "It was wonderful." They slowly walked to the front door, taking longer, more drawn out steps than usual. It was the end of their first date and Yang started to feel nervous with anticipation. "Well… Goodnight…" Yang said, running a hand through her hair. Blake smiled softly, looking deeply into her eyes. Yang hesitated for a moment and then made up her mind as she gently cupped Blake's cheek and pressed her lips to hers in a soft kiss. Blake twined her fingers through Yang's golden hair and pulled her even closer. The kiss was slow and measured at first. Blake thought she could feel Yang holding back ever so slightly, like she was worried about coming on too strong. She wanted Yang to stop thinking. Experimentally, she ran the tip of her tongue across the line of Yang's lips and was rewarded with a surprised gasp that allowed her to slip her tongue fully into her mouth. It was her turn to let out a satisfied sigh when she felt Yang's tongue responding in-kind, sliding against hers in slow massaging strokes. It wasn't their first kiss but it felt different than the two they had shared before. The first was rough and impulsive. The second was tearful and consoling. This one was full of hunger and desire and both of them craved more. They paused every once in a while to take a quick breath but they always returned, faster and deeper than before. Eventually they had to stop completely when the need for oxygen became too great. Yang rested their foreheads together. "Wow…" "Yeah…" Blake agreed as she lightly brushed her lips against Yang's, coaxing her into another long drawn out kiss. As much as Yang wanted to keep going, she knew that they should stop or they'd be out there all night. She reluctantly pulled away. "See you tomorrow?" Yang ran her fingers over Blake's hands which were cradling her face. Blake nodded. "Yeah… Tomorrow," she said slowly. Yang chuckled at her breathlessness. "Goodnight, Blake." "Goodnight, Yang."

[dontbeallupinmyfriesdawg]

Rescue My Heart

A/N: A repost of this story (I think) because the original version got lost after I had some issues with my tags.

Another thank you to @imaginationisagift as I believe she betaed this for me the first time.x

Summary: DC!AU in which Katherine and Elijah are Catwoman and Batman. (Includes Robin!Kol and Harley!Caroline) Major Katholine brotp and background Klaroline.

Out of all the villains in Gotham, Katherine Pierce certainly wasn't the worst; but she was definitely the best. There were some real nut jobs in this city, psychologically damaged maniacs with personal vendettas and a penchant for causing chaos. Katherine wasn't interested in all of that.

Any evil she was responsible was always a necessary evil, from her perspective, born out of a strong sense of survival instinct. So she stole a couple of things here and there; precious stones; priceless artefacts; the odd identity occasionally but she never threatened to blow up four storey buildings or dangled a school bus full of children off a bridge.

No that kind of erratic behaviour got you caught.

And Katherine Pierce did not do messy situations with the whole city as an audience with the cops surrounding you, guns poised ready to riddle you with bullets at the slightest twitch.

That's why she was currently gliding stealthily over rooftops in the dead of the night - in heels, one might add. Clad in her trademark black latex catsuit and mask. The cool air of the evening whipping past her as she streaked through the night unbeknownst to the sleeping residents of Gotham city.

Breaking into the art gallery was a piece of cake. She almost wished the idiots in charge of keeping people like her out, had bothered to get a better security system. Just to give her some kind of challenge.

She bent over, trying to disable the security door between her and the vault, that held a big, fat, ruby, Katherine hoped to get her hands on. Suddenly, there was a shuffling sound from behind her, she whirled round in the direction of the noise narrowing her green feline-like eyes and listened.

Only to get the shock of her life a second later.

"Hey there Kitty Kat!" Came a familiar and annoyingly perky voice from behind her.

Katherine turned to glare incredulously at the offending person.

"Dammit Caroline! What the hell did I tell you about sneaking up on me like that!? You were literally this close to sudden death,"

Caroline shook her head and giggled.

"Nuh ah, Kitty Kat, not with my trusty hammer around," She lifted up the weapon that had been resting on her shoulders and placed an affectionate kiss on it.

Katherine stopped and took a moment to look Caroline over. She had a red, leather jacket resting on her shoulders and a t-shirt on that said "Daddy's Little Monster" printed in cursive; an extremely poor excuse for pair shorts clung to her hips and backside; on her toned seemingly infinitely long legs, you could see a couple of tattoos printed under the mesh of her fishnets; completing the look, were a pair of black and white, heeled, lace up sneakers combined that with various accessories; skull rings, bracelets with spikes on them and of course there were her blonde curled pigtails, the ends of each dipped in a fluorescent shade of blue and pink respectively.

There was no mistaking, Caroline was strikingly gorgeous, even under the heavy clown-like makeup. In plain clothes, she was every man fantasy. In her current attire, she looked like the fantasy of a teenage boy who read way too many comic books.

"Where's your partner in crime Carebear?" Katherine asked looking around for any signs of the person in question.

Caroline tilted her head with a bemused pout, twirling the end of one of her pigtails around her finger, reminding Katherine of a confused golden retriever puppy.

"You know," She coaxed sensing Caroline's confusion "Red hair, tree hugger, shrieky voice, bat-shit crazy?"

Caroline pondered for a bit, twisting her body left and right as she contemplated. Then her face lit up in giddy realisation.

"Ohh, you mean Rory! She won't come out and play with me tonight, she's having an important meeting with Tristan, apparently," She said rolling her eyes dramatically.

Katherine made a face of disgust at the mention of the Riddler. She was certain there was something going on between himself and his sister, something that went beyond the boundaries usually drawn between siblings.

"And Klaus? Has he decided to let you off the leash tonight?" She quipped.

Caroline made the same confused face.

"Klaus never ties me up silly, not unless I've been a naughty girl," She giggled earning her an eye roll from Katherine.

Katherine was never one to get involved in other people's affairs, that lead to taking an interest in the person and eventually. Caring.

Unfortunately, for her, at this point, Caroline was much like a bad rash that no amount of ointment could clear up. For some reason, she'd decided they should be best friends (a notion she had firmly objected to, not that Caroline had taken any notice) and since then she couldn't help being a little concerned for Caroline's welfare.

Afterall Klaus Mikaelson, the green haired, psychopathic, self-proclaimed King of the city, was no one to trifle with. Many trembled at even the merest whisper of his name. It was unclear to Katherine how Caroline went from a respected psychiatrist at Arkham to playing sidekick/lover to the feared crime lord of the city.

She never went looking for problems, hence why herself and Klaus had never directly crossed paths, but based on the small - regrettable - attachment she'd made to Caroline, she'd be happy to pay 'The King' a little visit if he was hurting Caroline.

But Caroline spoke about Klaus like the sun literally shone out of his ass.

Caroline might be a little off her meds at times but she was pretty adroit when it came to using that hammer, she'd seen her in action once or twice, so surface wise anyway, Caroline didn't strike Katherine as a victim of abuse and what with the considerable amount of skin she always had on show, she probably would've spotted any bruises by now.

That didn't mean she wasn't keeping an eye out, though.

"Spare me the details cupcake," Katherine drawled, picking up the tool she'd dropped on the floor after Caroline had surprised her. "Sorry sweetie but I can't play with you tonight either, I'm busy,"

"Whatcha doin'?" Caroline sing-sang, swinging her hammer by her side and rocking on the balls of her feet.

"What's it look like?"

"You're breaking in the vault," Caroline stated the obvious before exclaiming. "Lemme help!"

"It okay Caroline, I got it,"

"Here, use this," She said before pulling an entire stick of dynamite out from her chest area.

"Holy shit!? What the hell Caroline, do you just carry that thing around with you in your fucking bra?"

"You never know when you might need it," She shrugged tossing the stick in Katherine's direction.

"Wh- no! Caroline, no explosives, no blowing things up," she exclaimed, tossing it back in Caroline’s direction.

Caroline pouted crossing her arms like a bad-tempered child.

"Why not?"

Katherine paused, pinching the bridge of her nose, realising that she wasn't going to get anywhere attempting to reason with her. Suddenly receiving an epiphany, she turned slowly and gave Caroline a devious smile.

"You know what Carebear? I'm super glad that you came here tonight, I need you to be my look out for tonight, can you do that for me?"

"Sounds boring," Caroline replied, scrunching up her nose.

"I've got a surprise for you if you do it for me,"

Caroline's eyes lit up at that.

"What kinda surprise?"

"You'll have to wait and see, won't you? You'll get it as soon as I'm done. Promise,"

"Okay Kitty Kat, you got it!" Caroline squeaked lifting her gloved hand in salute.

Katherine breathed a sigh of relief when she skipped out into the hallway quietly singing Britney Spears' ‘Oops I Did it Again’ under her breath.

She had to be quick since Caroline's presence was threatening to blow her cover. She knew it wasn't exactly fair to manipulate her like that, but she'd figure out a way to make it up to her some other time.

Now, for that ruby.

Upon cracking open the safe, Katherine reached into it with her gloved hand and picked up the stone. Even in the dim moonlight shining through the crack in the door, the stone sparkled in her hands. After admiring it for a moment she slipped it into a pouch attached to her belt.

She closed the vault re-entering the code to seal it shut. After closing the security door she was about to go out back out the way she came almost forgetting all about Caroline. She was just planning what to do with the rest of her night when...

"Aaaaargh! Bloody Hell!"

"Kaaaaatheeeriine, don't worry about giving me that surprise tonight, I already found one of my own," Came Caroline's ecstatic voice from the foyer.

Katherine contemplated just leaving like she'd planned but something inside her told her to go out, and investigate what the hell what was going on.

Katherine rounded the corner to see Caroline with her hammer poised over her head and one of her heels pressed tightly against the neck of one Kol Mikaelson.

"Look, Katherine, it's the Boy Blunder!"

The man in question sprawled rather helplessly on the floor turned his head - with some difficulty - and grinned at Katherine.

"Hello Katty,"

"Well, well, what do we have here?"

"I caught him before he even knew what hit him," Caroline beamed proudly.

"Literally," Kol grumbled.

"What do you want Kol?"

"That Ruby you've got one you for one, second I'd really love if you'd call off your guard dog here,"

There was a sharp cracking noise, as Caroline lifted her shoe from Kol's neck and slammed her hammer down onto Kol's ribcage instead.

"GARAAGHHH, give me a break you crazy bitch,"

"Careful," Caroline giggled manically " I know a certain someone who wouldn't appreciate you calling me that,"

Kol's face paled at the mention of his wayward brother but he managed to stumble to his feet clutching his ribcage and hobbling slightly. Katherine almost felt sorry for him, maybe she should bring Caroline along with her more often.

Then a realisation dawned on her.

"Where is he?"

"Who?" Kol asked now propped up against the nearby wall struggling to catch his breath.

"You know who," Katherine snapped. "The city's saviour," She sneered mockingly. "The Dark Knight. If you're here then he's not far behind somewhere,"

Kol opened his mouth to answer her, but he closed it again almost immediately, smirking at something over her shoulder.

Katherine didn't need to turn around to figure out what it was.

"Good evening Katerina,"

Katherine slowly turned taking in the sight of the tall broad shouldered figure dressed only in black.

"Thank you for having the good sense to look afraid,"

Katherine tilted her head and furrowed her brows.

"I'm not afraid, I just don't like you,"

"Well this ought to be good," Kol murmured in amusement.

"Hello Elijah," said Katherine.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to relieve you of that item on your person,”

"Is that right?"

"Oh I'm afraid so, you see what you have in your possession doesn't appear to belong to you,"

"Well you know me, Elijah, I'm not a big fan of playing by the rules,"

"The ruby Katherine, I won't ask you again,"

Katherine made a face pretending to be contemplating, then gave him her best smile.

"If you want this from me, you can come over her and take it from me,"

Elijah gave a deep long-suffering sigh, as if Katherine’s defiance posed a horrible inconvenience for him.

"In that case, I’m afraid you leave me no choice,"

The only warning Katherine or anyone received, before experiencing what happened next, was the small flickering sound of a lighter behind her. That's when she remembered the plucky blonde in the room.

All at once there was a loud explosion; the smell of sulphur and a large purple/grey mist surrounding the area. Not missing a beat Katherine raced as quickly as her impressive legs would carry her out of the room leaving Kol and Elijah literally in her dust.

"Asta la vista boys!" Caroline yelled through the din on Katherine's heels trying to catch up.

By the time the smoke cleared both women were long gone. As Katherine escaped into the night she could hear the police sirens in the distance.

Suckers.

She'd have to remember to get Caroline a thank you gift for that little stunt.

As Elijah resigned himself into his favourite chair, in the Batcave, by the fireplace he took a sip of bourbon and let his head fall back against the chair.

"I think I'm getting too old for this,"

"Cheer up Elijah," Kol said clutching an ice pack to his side and his head with each hand. "We weren't to know Kitty-nine-lives was planning on teaming up with Klaus' nutcase bed buddy, personally, I think we should be glad it wasn't the other one with the red hair, ooh she was a right nutter,"

"Foiled again by the incomparable Katherine Pierce," Elijah muttered shaking his head bitterly.

Kol scoffed loudly.

"Are you really going to sit there and pretend you two aren't going to be cosied up in each other's arms this time next week, pretending none of this ever happened?"

When Elijah kept his face perfectly neutral Kol continued.

"Honestly, Elijah you must take me for a right idiot,"

"Well if your performance this evening is anything to go by-"

"You weren't there, she had a bloody hammer!"

"Yes I'm quite glad I wasn't, I imagine it was rather embarrassing to watch.”

Elijah stretched and rose from the chair

“I'm retiring to my room, Good night brother,"

"Sleep well Elijah, try not to think too hard about Kitty Claws in that lovely catsuit of hers,"

Elijah shot Kol one last dirty look then left the room.

"Booking for Katerina Petrova please,"

The blonde, slightly overweight woman behind the desk looked up from her crime novel to see a slim brunette woman on the other side of the desk. She wore tall stilettos, a black trench coat, a red bag and a matching red big brim hat, her green eyes hidden behind a large pair of shades. She looked like the type of suburban housewife that went out of town to have an extramarital affair with their next door neighbour. They got a lot of those types around there.

She looked up and checked his screen.

"Certainly Ms Petrova, you have yourself have a lovely stay,"

She watched the woman stroll idly toward the elevator wondering what kind of man awaited her in her room. Working the front desk wasn't the most interesting job, but observing some of the guests that came here was the highlight of the receptionist’s day.

The elevator stopped at floor 5.

Slowly Katherine walked toward the suite door and swiped the room card.

Her lover stood in the room waiting for her, clad in one of his trademark suits holding a bottle of champagne.

It was all so cliche and yet she couldn't wait to tear him out of that suit.

"Katerina," He said glancing up momentarily from pouring the drinks.

"'Lijah," She purred, then strode forward with a sudden sense of urgency, nearly knocking the bottle of out of his hand as her arms wrapped around his neck, stealing a passionate kiss from him that he enthusiastically reciprocated.

"I missed you," She said breathlessly, momentarily breaking the kiss.

Elijah leisurely began placing kisses down the creamy column of Katherine's neck.

"I'm surprised you had time to miss me, What with how busy you've been,"

Katherine rolled her eyes.

"'Lijah," She whined. " You know the rules, no talking about work,"

He chuckled. "Work? You're a glorified cat-burglar, my dear," He teased.

"And you're a billionaire, vigilante who likes to play dress up in the middle of the night with his younger brother," She shot back.

"Touche,"

"But not in here, were not those people in here,"

"Let's not fool ourselves, darling, of course, we are. Our secret identities are a part of us whether we like it or not,"

"Elijah you're ruining the moment,"

"Do you ever wish things could be different?" He asked, looking into her eyes longingly.

"Maybe in a difference place, in a different lifetime, but for now it's like you said; I am who I am and so are you. I haven't figured out a way to stop loving you yet, so until one of us does, it looks like we're pretty much stuck in this weird purgatory for the rest of our lives,"

"Would it be awfully sentimental of me to say that there's no place I'd rather be?"

"Yes," She whispered closing the gap between them again and pushing their bodies backwards onto the bed. “It would,”

When Katherine Pierce got up the next morning, she was alone.

She felt the ghost of someone's hand on her naked shoulders that morning, kisses on her neck and shoulder blades. She’d kept her eyes shut and pretended to be asleep. She didn't want to watch him leave.

It was always better that way.

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[anitabyars]

A single dad...a marriage of convenience...and a secret! The Secret by Christie Ridgway is NOW LIVE! Keep Reading for an Excerpt! Amazon → http://amzn.to/2tNV5Fj iBooks → https://goo.gl/ob7gHH Nook → http://bit.ly/2uH7Vtw Kobo → http://bit.ly/2uQp3NV ADD TO YOUR TBR: http://bit.ly/2gQ4Npx Being butler to a widower and single father is a dream job in more ways than one for Charlotte “Charlie” Emerson. She helps keep businessman Ethan Archer’s household running without a hitch and enjoys every minute she has with his six-year-old son, Wells. But as time passes, the situation feels alarmingly intimate and when her heart starts beating faster each time Ethan steps through the door, Charlie must exert rigid control over her feelings. With her secret, falling in love would be all kinds of bad… Ethan Archer values the woman who keeps his life in order and cares so much for his motherless boy. He and Charlie act in harmony with each other and it’s not hard to picture them as a little family…in fact, it’s so easy, one reckless night he proposes a marriage of convenience. What will he do if Charlie says yes? And worse, what if she tells him no? Excerpt: Ethan Archer woke up with the words of his good friend and company VP echoing in his head. You’re wallowing, E. Standing still in ankle-deep water. It’s past time you started swimming again. That conversation during their return flight from Paris wasn’t the first time John had brought to Ethan’s attention that he needed to move on with his life. Michelle had passed four years before and John had been singing that same song fairly often in the last two years. With the intention of taking a run on the beach after dropping Wells at school, Ethan dressed in nylon shorts, a T-shirt, and running shoes. Then he brushed his teeth and smoothed a hand over his hair, inspecting himself in the bathroom mirror. Nearly forty, he thought. Some days, when the grief descended like a shroud, he felt closer to eighty. Turning off the thought, he left his room, his gaze landing on the half-open door across the hall. It led to a guest suite, the space used by the butler when Ethan was away overnight. He crossed to it and glanced inside. Not surprising, there was no physical sign of her presence now that she was back in the detached cottage that was her own quarters. The bed’s coverlet was smooth, the pillows plumped. Neither gave away whether the last occupant slept soundly at night or whether Charlie’s slim body tossed and turned. He could imagine her there, though, her shining brown hair unbound, her arms thrown overhead as she dreamed away. As she dreamed of— Guilt gave him a sudden pinch and he reined in his imagination. He had no business contemplating his butler’s inner life, let alone picturing her in a bed. Instead, he walked on to his son’s room and peeked inside. Wells slept sprawled across his mattress, one hand clutching the bear Charlie had tucked him in with the night before. Ethan smiled as love for the child filled his chest, a balm to his broken heart. Without Wells, he didn’t know where he would be after losing Michelle. Their boy had become his purpose for living. Something else that his friend John censured. You need a life that includes adults and adult pursuits. When Ethan had opened his mouth, John had shot a finger at him. Work doesn’t count, he’d said. Ethan had sighed and wished they’d booked seats in separate rows. By adult pursuits, you mean… Sex, John had affirmed. You should start with that. On another sigh, Ethan headed downstairs. He stood by the windows a long moment, appreciating the tranquil view of the Santa Monica Bay. It resembled his life, he decided. After watching his wife lose her battle with cancer, after four years of grappling with grief, most of the time he managed to maintain a certain level of calm. He could almost hear John’s snort. Buddy, you’re in need of a little upheaval. Or maybe you just need to get laid. Shutting down the imaginary conversation, he moved to Wells’s homework table and shuffled through the piles of papers that needed his attention. His boy was in second grade! He glanced over at the framed photo of Michelle propped on a nearby shelf. “You should be here to see this, hon. That tiny newborn we picked up from the hospital is now a little guy who can read, write, and work all the remotes around the house.” Michelle’s infertility had been a source of despair that had come to an end when they arranged for a private adoption. She’d had a year-and-a-half of unfettered maternal bliss until her cancer diagnosis. Even through that and the brutal treatments, she’d found joy in parenting their son. “Wells thinks about you every day,” he added. “We both do.” Only then did Ethan come aware that someone had entered the adjacent kitchen on silent feet. Charlie, her sleek hair held back in a ponytail, her slim, tanned legs revealed beneath the hem of a sleeveless shirtdress. It wasn’t too short, but because of her long limbs, her bare skin seemed to go on forever. And always polite, Charlie pretended not to notice that he’d been talking out loud—to an empty room. “Don’t mind me,” he said. “We old guys mutter to ourselves on occasion.” Then he winced, vanity instantly wishing he’d not brought up age. Nearing forty sucked. “You’re not an old guy,” she said mildly, opening the refrigerator and pulling out half a watermelon. “Older than you,” Ethan said, and then winced again. It sounded like fishing. And true to form, his well-mannered butler took the bait. “Not so much.” Hah. He had a decade on her. “I’ve dated men your age and more.” “You have?” She made a non-committal sound as she began slicing the fruit into cubes. Ethan cleared his throat, unable to stop his next question. “Are you dating anyone now?” One glance from her blue eyes had him backtracking. “Sorry, sorry,” he said. “None of my business.” But because he’d put the question out there, he couldn’t get it out of his head. Their Charlie, with her unflappable manner and elegant face, dating some old fart. Or worse—a beach dude. Or much, much worse, one of those old beach dudes with a mat of graying chest hair and a belly hanging over his ratty board shorts. Ethan frowned. Charlie shouldn’t be dating at all. Then he came alert to his thoughts. Why was he suddenly so interested in Charlie’s social life? It must be the swing of that ponytail as she moved. The roundness of her ass that was merely hinted at beneath the dress. The small, perfect rise of her breasts that he couldn’t help noticing when she was headed to the beach in swimsuit. Damn. He shouldn’t be thinking of her ass. Or her breasts. Definitely not about her sweet, bow-shaped lips and what they might taste like. With a hand to his forehead, Ethan closed his eyes. This was heading south, fast, same as the blood in his veins. “Are you all right?” Her voice and her cool hand on his arm had him flinching back. “Damn.” “I didn’t mean to startle you.” She held up a mug of coffee. He took it, and put the heated surface right over the spot where she’d touched him, trying to scald away the memory of her touch. Her brows came together over her incredibly blue eyes. They reminded him of some kind of flower—bluebells, he thought. This close, she smelled flowery too, a light, fresh fragrance with an undertone of spice. Like spring, or maybe summer, while he was impending winter. Okay, maybe just early fall. Yet still fascinated by her. Damn. He stepped back. “You should take some time off. Now that I got that deal done, I’ll be around a lot more.” “Time off?” “A vacation.” In the near year she’d been with them, she’d only gone out of town once. She and another woman she knew from butler school had traveled to Hawaii. She’d come home with a golden tan and a special island blend of sunscreen that smelled of coconuts and nakedness. He’d blessed the day he’d spotted the empty bottle in the trash. “I don’t know,” Charlie said now, a little frown tugging down the corners of her lips. “I’ve volunteered to organize the bookfair. It’s a big job.” “I’ll help,” he offered. “Then you can take off for a few days.” She didn’t look convinced. But he thought it might be best to put some distance between them for a short while. Determined to find some way to banish the strange thoughts that kept popping up in his head, he offered more encouragement. “You could visit your family,” Ethan suggested. That had her moving back. She returned to the kitchen, the long granite island now a barrier between them. “We’re not close.” “Oh.” What else could he say? The circumstances were not known to him. When a young woman had joined his household, he’d gone out of his way to keep their conversations on a professional basis. The fact was, when he went seeking a domestic manager, he’d envisioned an older woman, grandmotherly and staid. But Charlie came with glowing recommendations and he’d known instantly upon meeting her that Wells would take to her levelheaded nature and genuine warmth. Then, when the nanny he employed as well started showing up late or not at all, he’d had no qualms about adding Wells’s care to Charlie’s list of duties—she’d insisted. And he’d given a hefty increase to her salary. But kept their own interaction impersonal. It was best that way, he thought, just as the sound of small feet had him turning. He grinned, the sight of his sleepyhead son irresistible. Striding to the boy, he swung him up in his arms. “Cowboy!” he said, by way of greeting. “I don’t wanna be that anymore, Dad.” “Firefighter.” “No.” “Police officer.” Wells shook his head. “Circus clown?” The boy shuddered. “No way. I’m going to be a paleontologist.” Ethan pretended befuddlement. “What is that? A guy who pals around with onts?” “No!” Wells started laughing. “A dinosaur guy!” He wiggled to get free of his father’s hold and skipped into the kitchen to stop in front of Charlie. “Did you hear what he said?” “I did.” She held out a bite of watermelon which she popped into the boy’s mouth, then she glanced at Ethan, her eyes that bright, bright blue which felt like a flame licking over his skin. “Your dad’s silly.” And old, Ethan thought, though I’m reacting to you like a teenager. He turned away in order to sign those stacked-up forms. “We better get cracking, kid, or we won’t get you to school before the tardy bell.” By the time Ethan dropped off his son, he was smiling with the enjoyment of being in his boy’s company. Despite what John said, Ethan thought he could be happy enough for the next forty years by being Wells’s dad alone. He’d had his shot at that other kind of lifetime love. Then he went for his beach run and returned to his house, pleasantly tired. In the shower, he leaned back against the tile and closed his eyes, letting the hot water beat against his shoulders and run down his chest. Nirvana. After a few minutes, he filled his palm with shower gel. His hand slid over his pecs and ribs and then moved to his cock. Stifling his groan, he let his head fall back and he rubbed the stiff shaft, then circled the head, his thumb brushing over the crest. The atmosphere didn’t need any more steam, so he used his free hand to turn off the spray while the other kept stroking. During the past four years he’d often found sexual relief on his own like this, the act perfunctory, the pleasure brief. But now, instead of merely feeling the physical sensation of a deliciously rough tug and a long, hard pull, his mind joined in. This time, he imagined it was another’s hand on him, a woman’s hand. She gripped him, moving her fingers up and down his length, her others sneaking between his thighs to cup his balls. His chest heaved and he squeezed his eyes tighter shut as his imagination had her mouth on him now, wetting his hard flesh with lavish strokes. Her tongue moved up to tease the slit in the head and he reached down to caress her soft hair, encouraging her to continue. She moaned, and suddenly he needed more. Wrapping his fingers in her hair, he pulled her off his cock, the audible pop as it came clear of her mouth as carnal as anything he’d ever heard. Then he directed her to stand up with another tug of her hair, and she rose to her feet, her wet and naked body against his. Eyes still closed, he palmed one of her breasts and caressed the tightening nipple. He began to rub himself harder, though in the fantasy, her hand was back on his aching cock. She was moaning again, and he bent his head, wanting to taste the sound of it on his tongue. But before his lips could meet hers, his orgasm took over. It shot from his heels to circle his balls. They drew tight to his body and then heat and promise pulsed up his shaft. He half-bent, belly hollowing, as semen spurted from him, and his whole body shook with the power of it. As the climax began to fade, in his fantasy he opened his eyes. Charlie’s big blues were slumberous and her elegant face flushed as she stood before him, her bare body dappled in water droplets. His cock surged with a final gush of pleasure. Then Ethan fell back against the tile, panting. Shit. Shit. Maybe John was right. Ethan required something new in his life. Not a naked Charlie, God no, but… Ethan definitely needed to get laid. About the Author: Christie Ridgway is a California native and author of over forty-five contemporary romances. A six-time RITA finalist and USA Today bestselling author, she writes sexy, emotional reads starring determined heroines and the men who can’t help but love them. She has a Career Achievement award from RT Book Reviews and twice has received their Reviewer’s Choice award for best contemporary romance of the year. Married to her college sweetheart, Christie lives in Southern California in a house filled with boys and pets. She writes as an escape from sports equipment, football on TV, and dog hair. Author Links: Website: http://christieridgway.net/ Amazon: http://amzn.to/2sAZO0V Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChristieRidgway/ Bookbub: http://bit.ly/2s9AvBA Goodreads: http://bit.ly/2roL0Ow Twitter: https://twitter.com/ChristieRidgway