#I'm Me

[sapphic-agent]

I'm Me goes harder than any other Phineas & Ferb song and I will not be taking criticism

[marcelinesghost13]

Hello No One,

I'm alone in my journey of Life. No one is holding my hand. No one is embracing me and telling me that it will be ok. Yes I'll admit there's people in my life that tell me these things, but they are just writing words with photos. They are people I see for a couple hours and then fade away like New Mexico snow.

Yes I know some would argue that I'm loved by many people. That the world would be a different place without me in it.

My response is I don't see how. I think I should be like the wind never staying in one place too long. I'm not meant to have friends or family but my spirit is too wild.

Maybe that's why my spouse can't love me. She doesn't have a wild spirit like me. Maybe she did at one point but now it's broken and she hates me because I'm still wild.

I try not to hurt others but yet it seems to me that I've gotten really good at doing that. I'm not going to apologize for being me. If my comments or actions hurt you know that I wasn't trying to cause you any pain. I'm just being me and I can't help being me.

I'm a free thinker. I love to learn and grow. I want to know everything about this world, but realize in order to do that someone that doesn't see that world like me will get hurt. I can't help that. I won't be chained down in order to learn everything I can.

Yet we as a society can't see that. We don't learn about our different cultures. We don't want to hear and respect our different points of view. We just fight about our differences. I'm not willing to do that I want to know about everyone and why they are the way they are. No matter how weird or freaky or odd it may be I still want to learn about it. Yet we continue to fight about our differences and we're close-minded to those differences. We act out in anger because of those differences. Why... because you don't understand it, because it's not how you were raised. I think that thought process is closed-minded. This wildcat doesn't want to think like that. I want to have an open heart for everything and an open mind for the world around me.

I'm beautiful Wildkat 🐯

[boardcupid]

Psssst....

....Hey :))

Sliiiiiiides this towards you

More World 1 BJ :)

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

....i just noticed that i've been writing for 7 hours straight........

[b1rdforce]

never 4get

[hoonharpoon]

Are you there, god? It's me, fiona.

[dwampyverse-tournaments]

I'm Me vs. When Tomorrow is This Morning Again

[bluevioletcat]

That one text post that's like "your twenties are about mourning the ghosts of all you could have been" except

Your thirties are about rediscovering yourself in countless tiny ways and the joy of learning that those parts of you never really died.

[moonbutters]

Absolutely no one: "You can't just be a shark"

Me:

[mental-mona]

I'd definitely want to change a few things if I had a do-over, but since all the bad decisions and life Stuff did indeed make me who I am, I don't know how well that would work.

[1introvertedsage]

[otter1962crystalball]

If only you knew…

The title jumped out of a discussion with a friend recently. The idea is that if a person were to know me, would they like me or ditch me? So before I start, I acknowledge that what other people think of me is none of my business. Rather, I’d like to put out all the things I’ve always been worried about sharing for fear of losing someone. 

A lot of people know me as the guy who weighs 200+ pounds, lifts weights and exercises a lot. They also know that I am an author who is soon to publish a novel. Some people know that I live alone in Otter Cottage in Nova Scotia and have been single for 4 years now. It is also common knowledge that I am a French Immersion teacher. There are a lot of things that people don’t necessarily know about me…So here goes.

If only you knew that I have difficulty looking at myself in the mirror. I am currently afraid of losing my weight-lifting ability. I wrote a blog entry in this blog about it. I have weight-lifted most of my life and keeping my body in shape has been a major part of my life. Granted, I did it for validation when I was younger - usually through hookups or seeking out boyfriends or partners. For many years now, I have used weights as a personal self-esteem builder. That leads to the next statement.

If only you knew that I used to solely depend on my ability to look good. I needed external validation to feel good about myself. Sure, when I was young, I used my looks to be noticed. I never did it in vain, just hoping that guys would find me attractive and want to sleep with me.

If only you knew that I have a secret desire to be an artist with a paintbrush or a pen. I’ve always envied those who could draw and design works of art. I always felt that I was creative with writing or perhaps the occasional photograph that looks nice, but I sometimes feel that I lack real talent.

If only you knew how many times I’ve had to get up after being knocked down by life circumstances. In some of them, I played a role, but others are just blind circumstances. Sometimes I send a thought out to the universe and ask why? Did I somehow unconsciously wish these things on myself?

If only you knew that all the things that I did in my life of which I am not proud, sometimes come back to me in a tsunami of guilt that makes me question if I am a good person or not.

If only you knew that underneath my exterior is a highly sensitive person that often feels the emotions of others around me. When people say hurtful things or say something unwittingly that may hurt, I find it takes a toll on me. It has caused me to build up a wall in the past. I’ve been trying to pull it down for the past four years…

If only you knew how the plight of animals in this world hurts me deeply. I am especially horrified when I see or hear of pets being abused. It pains me to my core. I am aware of animals when I eat meat. I’ve tried to cut it down to a minimum. I wish, as a weight-lifter, that I could find other ways to get all the protein that I need from plants.

If only you knew how I fear the end of my life - that I may never get to do all the things that I wanted to do and to contribute to the world. It is especially something that as an HIV+ person, I’ve worried about because I spent so many years just surviving instead of living.

If only you knew that I love things that those who consider themselves as masculine might define as feminine. I love to birdwatch. I love flower gardens and I enjoy experimenting in the kitchen.

If you only knew that I have let a lot of people walk all over me. No more accusing me of cheating in D and D. No more trying to charm me so that you can waltz in and try to change me for your liking. No more narcissists need to apply! 

I am me. I accept me. If you don’t, get lost!

[ericaloses]

I was going to go to walking group today, but I slept badly and felt meh this morning - a miscommunication about the heater in the bedroom (yes, it’s spring here, but it’s still cool at night, and the bedrooms get no external light/eat after about 8am).

Instead I did some housework catch-up, and when the moment was ripe, I fixed the fence that Ariadne the duck had been breaching to hang out in the neighbours’ yard. At least, I hope it’s fixed. She was probably sitting on a nest over there, but I think it’s only been a few days, so she can just stop that. We have four ducklings (hopefully) developing under a chicken at the moment anyway.

Anyway. Weather being kind, a nice walk tomorrow! I may even persuade J to come too.

[paintedcrows]

Did anyone tell Ford (bonus doodles: Family Movie Night, 70s Classics)

[ghoul-butch]

i love my fans 💚

(for context anon (blank account) is trying to figure out how to misgender me)