#I'm going to work on a couple modifications for my version

[revenantghost]

Oh my god oh my god oh my god

There's a Vash and Wolfwood dog papercraft

[pillow-coded]

To Have and to Hold — Chapter 1

Summary: finding a lost toddler's mother in the library wasn’t how Spencer expected to spend his afternoon. Later, when her mother arrives—panicked, breathless, and beautiful—Spencer starts to forget how to breathe. Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Slow Burn Series (NSFW, 18+) Content Warning: Brief depiction of a lost child, mild panic from a parent, emotional vulnerability word count: 5.3k

A/N: This is the first work I had the guts to post (genuinely scared lol), slow updates! (so sorry, but uni is killing me), and lastly, English isn't my native language, so please do let me know if i got any grammar mistakes! (also not proofread cause i'm too embarrassed to show any of my friends)

Series Masterlist

Libraries have always been a great comfort for me. It’s a place full of knowledge, warmth, peace. Maybe it’s the smell of old books and how I can easily link that smell to the amiable parts of my childhood.

Those Autumn nights when everything was fine, where my wires were still intact. Mom was doing well back then. She’d read to me those old books she collected from all her years of teaching. That’s how I saw them back then... Old, decrepit books that contained the most fun stories... At least, I found them fun. Like Shakespeare’s Tales Retold – child-friendly versions of Shakespeare’s works.

Nowadays, they’re more than just fond stories or old books. Those books are relics and a memory of when my mother was... well, more lucid.

What I loved most about libraries was the quietness of it all. I spent a couple of hours of my day when I could, basking in the quiet. It was nice not to have to hear the gruesome details of some innocent woman murdered in cold blood.

Days like these only made the quietness feel even better. Soft Autumn day, nearing Winter already. We had just come back from a tough case, children were involved. Thankfully, we managed to get on time.

I had watched that boy while JJ tried to talk to him, trying to understand what had happened to him. He was barefoot, his hair disheveled, and he looked achingly thin. We later found that the boy’s parents held a “discipline ring.” According to his parents, it was a “behavior modification” experiment—one they claimed was “research-backed,” designed to “train” their child into being the perfect prodigy. The boy was denied food, affection, and even basic care when he disobeyed. But worse? The parents live-streamed it all on private forums for a group of like-minded “disciplinarians.”

It didn’t matter that we caught his parents. That the live-stream was shut down. That the others in that so-called “discipline ring” were going to prison. None of it mattered when he looked up at me with those eyes—hollow but obedient. Like love was something he still thought he had to earn.

I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone more than I hated those people.

I’ve done a lot of pretending in my life. Pretended I wasn’t scared. Pretended I wasn’t lonely. Pretended I didn’t want a family of my own. But that boy—he didn’t know how to pretend. He didn’t know how to fake normal. He just waited patiently in that hospital bed for someone to love him back.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it, which is why I had decided to come to the library instead of resting after the case like a normal person. I needed a moment of peace, a moment of quiet.

That moment of quietness was rudely interrupted—torn apart by high-pitched, desperate sobbing. I turn to my left, and there's a girl at the end of the long corridor full of bookcases. A tiny one at that, since the whole corridor looked gigantic compared to her.

She couldn’t have been more than five, barely tall enough to brush the second shelf. A statistical outlier in this ocean of silence, suddenly very, very loud. There was something unsettling about how her tiny fists rubbed at her eyes. Children cried in a language everyone understood.

“Are you lost?” I ask hesitantly, not moving from my spot in the corridor. The little girl stops crying for a brief moment. Well, not stop, but slowed down. Her big eyes are still so full of fear and tears, but they open wide to look at me as if she hadn’t been expecting someone to help.

She doesn’t say anything.

Just looks at me—eyes still shimmering, lips trembling, chest stuttering around hiccuped sobs. She’s scared. That much is obvious. But it’s the way she clutches the fabric of her little coat that really gets me. Like it’s the only thing tethering her to the earth right now.

I walk towards her. I'm not close—just close enough to show I’m not a threat. A non-threatening stranger in a cardigan and tie, kneeling among the books like I’m part of the furniture.

She stares, still trembling, still silent.

“It’s okay,” I murmur gently. “I’m not going to come closer unless you want me to. I just want to help.”

Her little hand scrubs clumsily at her cheek. She sniffles, her shoulders curling inward. Still holding it in. Still trying to be brave.

Then, finally—after a moment that feels like something unspooling—she shakes her head. And her voice, when it comes, is a soft, crumpled thing:

“I can’t find my mommy.”

I nod, matching her quietness. “Okay. Thank you for telling me.”

A pause.

“I’ll help you find her, alright? No rush. We can check the kiddie section together. That’s probably where she’ll look first.”

I didn’t offer my hand. It felt like too much for both of us. Instead, I walked beside her, slow and steady, letting the silence settle between us like soft dust. She kept sniffling quietly the whole walk down.

I desperately needed a way to make the little cries stop.

“What's your name, sweetheart?” I asked softly.

She tilted her head back to look up at me—really look this time. She was so small she had to crane her neck to find my eyes. Her expression still carried that flicker of uncertainty, her trust not quite earned yet.

“I’m Spencer.”

She doesn’t answer right away.

Just stares for a second, like she’s still deciding whether I’m safe. Then, in the tiniest voice—barely above a whisper—she says:

“...Maddie.”

Maddie.

I nod, repeating it once under my breath to make it real.

“That’s a beautiful name, Maddie.”

She says nothing, but her fingers curl tighter around the hem of her coat. She’s still scared, but she’s not looking away anymore.

Progress.

I scan the rows of shelves ahead. The kiddie section’s not far now—colorful bean bags, tiny chairs, picture books splayed on wide tables.

“Do you like magic tricks, Maddie?”

She nods her tiny head, her eyes warming up to me at the thought.

I felt something in my stomach… I wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe yearning?

She nods—just once—and I see it. That flicker of trust, like a light turning on behind her eyes. Not quite safety, but something near it.

And something stirs in my stomach.

I don’t know what to call it. It’s not adrenaline, and it’s not fear. Maybe it’s yearning. Not for her, necessarily—but for what she has. What she’s lost. What she’s looking for.

For someone to come back for her.

For someone to call her name.

“Okay… how about I show you some magic tricks while we wait for your mommy to get here? that sound fun, Maddie?”

This time she nods enthusiastically. Her big eyes excited to see what sorcery I had planned to show her.

I dig the pocket of my pants, my movements slow and deliberate. I pull out a simple quarter. It’s nothing special. Just a plain, shiny quarter that for some reason, I’ve held on to for way longer than I should’ve.

“Behold,” I announce, holding it up between two fingers like it’s enchanted. “A perfectly ordinary quarter.”

She leans in, captivated—eyes locked on the coin like it’s something rare. A small smile starts to tug at her cheeks.

“It’s your everyday quarter,” I say, twirling the tiny thing between my fingers, doing my best to keep this unfamiliar girl comforted—as if her calm is the only thing keeping me steady.

“Watch closely.”

I place the coin on my open palm and slowly close my fingers around it. Then, with my free hand, I give the air above my fist a little wave—like I’m stirring something invisible.

“And now… it’s gone.”

I open my hand. Empty.

She gasps.

I see it—the way her mouth falls open, the way her eyes light up like I’ve just rewritten the rules of the universe.

I lean in, just a little. Not too close.

“Huh. That’s strange…” I murmur, pretending to look around her, behind her, above her. “Where could it have gone…?”

And then, with a slow, deliberate motion, I reach behind her ear, and pull the coin free like I just plucked a star from the sky.

Her breath catches. She stares at the quarter in my fingers like it’s a miracle.

“It was behind your ear this whole time,” I whisper, grinning.

She beams at me, her fear momentarily forgotten. Her laughter is soft but real, bright and bubbly and innocent in a way that makes something sharp tug behind my ribs.

“Are you a sorcerer?” She asks, her big, curious eyes staring into my soul, trying to get answers out of me.

I blink, “A sorcerer?”

She nods, completely serious, “like the ones in Harry Potter.”

I chuckle fondly at her question, “Well… I don’t have a broom. Or a wand. Or an Owl.”

“But you made the coin vanish…” She pouts slightly, and although the sight of her minor pout was adorable, I would’ve given anything to see her smile again.

I didn’t know why. Maybe it was the case that had me feeling so fond of a child I just met. Maybe it got all the loose wires within me, all frayed and sparking from things I still hadn’t worked through. But there was something about this moment—this tiny human with tear-streaked cheeks and a Harry Potter reference—that made something ache deep in my chest.

I felt it so sharply it almost hurt.

This... this mattered.

And I hated how much I wanted it—interactions like this. Not just the comfort or the connection but the permanence. The possibility of something that was mine.

Kids of my own.

I glance down at her, still wide-eyed, still waiting for more magic. Her little hands twitch with excitement like she’s ready to believe anything I say.

“Yeah, but it’s only a magic trick, sweetheart,” I murmur, trying to offer the truth gently, without breaking the illusion. Without hurting her feelings.

But maybe I shouldn’t.

Maybe I should let her believe in it a little longer. Let her live in the dream. Give her what I wish someone had given me at that age—a reason to believe in wonder.

So I sigh, dramatically, like I’m about to confess something world-altering.

“Okay… you got me. But you can’t tell anyone, alright?”

She leans in, eyes shining.

“I’m actually a wizard.”

She gasps, delighted. A smile blooms across her face so fast it nearly knocks the air out of me.

“I knew it!” she squeals.

“Yeah, you did,” I grin back. “You’re a smart one, aren’t you?”

She looks like she’s about to burst with thousands of questions. Eyes wide and shining with a special curiosity. I just hope her parent doesn’t murder me for fueling these wizard dreams that she has.

“Are you friends with Harry?”

I try my best to suppress a warm chuckle, but I can’t help the smile that shines through.

“Harry Potter?” She nodded so hard at my response that I worried her head might pop off. “Well… I haven’t seen him in a while. He’s mostly busy these days. But yes, we’ve met.”

She gasped and covered her mouth with her hands, and this time, I couldn’t subdue the fond chuckles that her reactions got out of me.

“Can you show me more magic?”

I smile, helpless to deny her. “Alright. One more, but you gotta sit down for this one.” I say, holding up a finger like I’m laying down a rule neither of us will actually follow.

She hurries to a small chair in the kid tables. Wiggles in place, hands clasped in front of her like she’s bracing for something incredible.

I reach into my pocket again, fingers brushing against the familiar coolness of the coin.

“But you have to pay very close attention, okay? This one’s advanced wizardry.”

She nods like she’s preparing for a test at Hogwarts.

“We have, the very same coin from earlier,” I move the coin to the center of my palm, “But if I place it right here… and you keep your eyes on it…”

I curl my fingers over it, give them a little dramatic wiggle.

“This simple quarter will just…”

Disappear. Or—it’s supposed to.

Everything was going fine. The coin’s in my palm. My fingers close around it. I make the usual gesture—slight misdirection, a practiced flick of the wrist, the classic illusion.

Except this time… something goes wrong. There’s a soft metallic clink followed by—

“Ow!”

Not me. Behind me.

The little girl’s eyes go wide, delighted at first by the trick. But then her head snaps toward the voice—the one behind me, the one that just yelped in surprise.

And just like that… the magic disappears.

“Mommy!” She takes off running.

I stand and turn instinctively, ready to reassure the parent—let her know her daughter’s safe, that I was only trying to help. Maybe even apologize for the quarter that, somehow, made impact.

But then I see her.

And for a moment… I forget what I was about to say.

She’s standing there, breathless, eyes wide with relief, and the softest kind of panic still clinging to her expression. The kind that says she’s been searching—not just through the aisles, but through every possible worst-case scenario in her head.

And yet, despite the tension in her posture, despite the flurry of emotion on her face...

She’s—God, she’s beautiful.

Like something from another lifetime. Light catching in her hair. Autumn caught in her breath.

An angel.

I’ve always thrived on routine. Wake up, brush teeth, get dressed, go fulfill today’s duties… It wasn’t anything exciting, but it was dependable. Familiar.

That all changed when I had her.

My Madelyn.

Now, my mornings depend on a dozen unpredictable factors. Maybe Maddie wakes up before I do and cuts my desperately needed seven hours of sleep short. Maybe she had a nightmare. Maybe she wet the bed. Or—more often than not—she’s just too excited for the day and bursts out of sleep like it’s a celebration.

It’s exhausting.

But she’s my entire world. My sun. My moon. And I’d sacrifice every ounce of sleep or peace of mind a thousand times over if it meant making her life feel safe and full of joy.

Still, we do have one day of the week that rarely breaks pattern.

Saturdays.

Every Saturday, for as long as I can remember, I wake up early, make pancakes, get dressed, and head to the library—the one place where time slows down, where stories open like doorways and the world feels just a little quieter.

Bringing Maddie into that routine was surprisingly easy. I started taking her when she was just a month old. I would’ve done it sooner, but I was still figuring things out—how to be a single mother to a newborn. Just surviving those first few days was its own kind of story.

She loves our Saturdays.

Every Saturday morning, once the pancakes are ready, I head to her room—and without fail, she wakes up with the biggest smile.

She always knows it’s Saturday because of the smell. Like clockwork, the scent of warm batter reaches her tiny nose, and her whole body just springs to life. She throws off her covers, races into the kitchen barefoot and beaming, already asking for her syrup before I can even plate the first stack.

This Saturday morning was different.

I should’ve known things would go wrong the moment I decided to step even slightly out of routine.

“Good morning, princess,” I sing, beaming as I step into her bedroom—blueberry pancakes in hand. “Brought you breakfast in bed. Aren’t you a spoiled little princess today?”

Her face lights up like it always does. “Good morning, Mommy!”

She spots the pancakes, and her eyes sparkle. She bounces a little beneath her blankets, already reaching for the plate. “Blueberry?”

I nod, smiling. “Well, I know how much you like them, so I decided to change things up,” I say, brushing a strand of hair from her forehead. “Alright, eat up. The library’s waiting for us.”

She hummed as she ate, little legs swinging off the edge of the bed, syrup smeared near the corner of her mouth. It was such a small thing, but I remember thinking—this is what happiness feels like. A plate of blueberry pancakes and a five-year-old who thinks I hung the stars.

We left a little later than usual.

Just ten minutes. That’s all.

She insisted on picking out her own outfit—a striped shirt and a pink coat—and I let her. Another tiny detour from routine. Nothing dramatic. Nothing dangerous.

The nearest library, which we were used to visiting, was a three-story building. It was old, but they kept it clean. The library had a huge variety of books, from Children’s books to cookbooks.

It was just as it always was. Quiet. Warm. A kind of sacred.

We walked in together. I remember holding the door open while she skipped inside.

I remember telling her—“Stay close, baby.”

she nodding.

And then…Then I blinked. I looked up from the shelves. And she was gone.

I’ve never lost my Maddie before. She’s a curious child, and she loves to wander off on adventures. She probably inherited that from me. This need to find whatever’s glowing. I understand it. We’re moths, both of us. Fragile, flitting things, always blinded by the glow, unaware that it might hurt us.

But I’ve gotten better at spotting the danger.

At least… when it comes to her.

I watch everything. Every step she takes. Every handrail she climbs. Every crack in the sidewalk I gently guide her around. Not even the tiniest fruit fly gets near her without me noticing. I make sure of it. I always make sure.

So how did I miss this?

how did I lose her?

“Maddie?” I called out, trying to keep my voice steady. “Maddie, where are you, sweetheart?”

No reply.

Just silence. Just shelves. Just the sound of someone flipping a page somewhere far away.

I couldn’t see her.

I couldn’t hear her.

Panic bloomed in my chest, sharp and fast. I started moving—too quickly to think, too slowly to matter. I scanned every row, every corner of the first floor, spinning in half-circles, eyes darting, throat dry.

Think. You have to think. Breathe.

I forced myself to stop. Just for a second. Inhaled. Shaky. Exhaled. Useless.

That’s when I saw it.

A sign hanging above the staircase in soft, colorful letters:

Children’s Section – Second Floor.

I don’t think I’ve ever taken stairs that fast in my life.

I practically leapt two steps at a time, nearly tripping—twice—but I didn’t stop. Couldn’t. My heart was pounding too hard, my breath caught somewhere between a prayer and a scream.

As soon as I reached the top, I heard it. Laughter. Soft, bubbling giggles echoing from the back corner of the floor.

Maddie. My sun.

I followed the sound like it was oxygen, rounding the shelves toward the children’s section—and there she was. She was fine. Smiling. Whole. Lit up with joy I hadn’t seen since breakfast.

I was so blinded by the sight of her—so completely caught in the gravity of that relief—that I didn’t see the small, shiny object flying straight at my face.

Thunk.

“Ow!” I yelped, instinctively pressing a hand to my forehead where the coin made impact.

“Mommy!” I blinked, still holding my forehead, and finally looked up to see my daughter running full speed to me.

I dropped my hand and opened my arms just in time, catching her as she flung herself into me.

The force of her little body nearly knocked the breath out of my lungs—and I didn’t care. I clutched her to my chest, my hands smoothing over her hair, her back, her arms—like I needed to physically confirm every part of her was still here.

Still mine.

“I was looking for you,” she mumbled into my shoulder.

“I know, baby,” I whispered. “I know. I’m here.”

I pressed a kiss to the top of her head, and only then—only then—did I let myself breathe. Let myself relax and look around with a clear mind.

And that’s when I saw him.

A man—tall, gangly, cardigan-ed, and completely mortified. His wide brown eyes darted from the coin in the floor, to my face and back again like he wasn’t sure which deserved more immediate attention.

“I am so sorry, I didn’t—I mean, the coin wasn’t… is your forehead okay?” His voice cracked halfway through the sentence. He reached down and took the quarter in his hands.

He was nervous. The poor thing couldn’t even get a full thought out without stuttering or switching pitch. He looked like a deer caught in headlights—in the most endearing way possible.

I adjusted Maddie in my arms and slowly rose to my feet, brushing a hand over the spot where the coin had hit.

“Yeah,” I said softly. “I’m okay.”

“Mommy, that’s Spencer. He’s a wizard, but you can’t tell anyone. It’s a secret.” Maddie’s little voice cut in, muffled by my shoulder. Her tiny hands clung to my shirt like this secret was sacred. Like this moment mattered.

“Is he now?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

The poor man looked like he was about to spontaneously combust. His cheeks were flushed a deep pink, and he kept shifting like he wanted to disappear behind the nearest bookshelf. He was clearly mortified for making my daughter believe he was an actual wizard.

Meanwhile, Maddie looked like she might explode from sheer joy.

“He did magic, Mommy!” she beamed. “He made the coin disappear! And he’s friends with Harry Potter!”

I looked at him again—this tall, blushing stranger in a cardigan, holding a rogue quarter like it was evidence from a crime scene—and for the first time since the panic hit…

I smiled. No, not just that. I giggled.

“He’s friends with Harry Potter, sweetheart?”

“Yeah!” Maddie chirped, her little head nodding furiously against my shoulder. “He told me so!”

I glanced down at Maddie, still glowing with excitement in my arms, then back at him—this stranger with a guilty expression and a coin pinched nervously between his fingers.

“So you’ve met the famous Harry Potter?” I asked softly, more amused than anything else.

His mouth opened… then closed again. He looked completely out of his depth, like he wasn’t sure whether to defend himself or disappear behind the nearest bookcase.

“I… may have implied we’d met,” he said, almost apologetically. “In a—fictional sense.”

“Fictional,” I repeated, raising an eyebrow.

He nodded, eyes flicking anywhere but at me. “She asked if I knew him, and I just couldn’t say no. Plus, it calmed her down.”

My heart twisted, gently. Of course it did.

I crouched to set Maddie down, brushing a hand over her curls. “Don’t wander off, sweetheart.”

She nodded seriously—too seriously for someone who just believed she’d befriended a wizard—but she stayed put, her wide eyes still bouncing between me and the man standing awkwardly by the bookshelves.

When I stood, he was watching me. Not in a weird way. Just… watching. Like he wasn’t sure if he should say something, or leave before he embarrassed himself further.

I finally broke the silence.

“Thank you,” I said. “For keeping her calm. And for the magic tricks. Even if one of them involved hitting a complete stranger in the face.”

His eyes widened. “Oh my god—yes. I’m really sorry about that. That was not part of the trick. I swear it usually disappears. Like, away from people.”

I smiled again, gentler this time. “I believe you.”

A beat passed.

“You’ve got a very brave little girl.”

My chest squeezed.

“Yeah,” I whispered, looking over at Maddie, who was now spinning slowly in place, humming to herself like nothing had happened.

“She really is.”

I looked back again, and of course—despite being told not to wander—she had already drifted toward the toy shelf, her tiny fingers trailing along the edge of a plastic castle.

Moth. Always drawn to whatever glows.

He hadn’t stopped staring.

He kept looking at me like he wanted to tear me open—not in a violent way, but in that quiet, curious way. Like he needed to understand what made me me. Like he was trying to read my soul the way other people read books.

I hadn’t even noticed—Not until I turned my gaze back to him, and when I did, I nearly forgot how to breathe.

There was something behind his eyes—something searching. Gentle, but sharp. Not the kind of stare meant to intimidate. No, it was worse. It was the kind that saw. Saw too much.

The kind of look that made you feel like maybe you weren’t a collection of masks and moments. Like maybe you were a story he’d just opened to the first page.

It made my skin warm.

I looked away first. Not because it was uncomfortable—But because it wasn’t.

Because I didn’t know what to do with the way he looked at me like that. Like I was worth reading.

“So… she read the Harry Potter series?” he asked, breaking the silence.

His voice jolted me back to reality. I blinked a couple times, trying to shake myself free from whatever trance those hazel eyes had pulled me into.

“Has she read—? No, no. She still struggles a bit with reading. The only books she’s managed on her own so far are Frog and Toad Are Friends and The Tales of Oliver Pig.”

His lips twitched at that, like he was trying not to smile too hard.

“Do you mind me asking… how old is she?”

“She’s turning five in a couple weeks.”

He blinked. “And she’s reading at a first-grade level? That’s impressive.”

I smiled, soft and proud. “She’s always been a quick learner. Loves stories. I think it’s how she makes sense of the world.”

He nodded, like he understood that. Like maybe he did the same.

“So I take it she’s only seen the Harry Potter movies then?” he asked, circling back to his original question.

“Oh—no. I read to her a lot. We actually went through the entire Harry Potter series last summer.”

His eyebrows lifted, impressed. “All seven?”

“All seven,” I nodded. “It took us a few months, but she was completely obsessed. She didn’t want me to put the books down, not even to sleep. Had a million questions. Wanted to know why Harry had to live in the cupboard, how the time-turner worked, what butterbeer tastes like.”

He chuckled softly. “She sounds like someone I would’ve been friends with at her age.”

“You read a lot as a kid?”

He hesitated—not because he didn’t want to answer, but because he seemed to be sorting through too many memories at once.

“Pretty much all I did,” he said eventually. “Books were easier. Made more sense than people did.”

There was something in the way he said it—like it wasn’t just a fun fact, but a truth he’d learned the hard way.

I didn’t push. I just nodded, quietly understanding.

“Maddie’s the same,” I offered. “She talks to books like they talk back.”

He smiled at that. “That’s the best kind of kid.”

I was about to reply—to agree with the praise of my daughter, to maybe say something more—but then she came barreling back toward us, beaming.

“Mommy, Mommy! Look!” She held up a Rapunzel doll.

“Can I have her? Please? She has real brushable hair!” Maddie clutched the box to her chest like she’d just been entrusted with state secrets.

I chuckle, “That’s yarn, sweetie. You can’t brush it.”

“Can I have her? Please, Mommy?”

I looked at him, then at my daughter’s wide, pleading eyes. The panic from earlier was still fading in my bones, but the joy on her face grounded me again.

“Fine,” I said with a knowing smile. “Let’s check her out and ask if she’s ready for a new home.”

Maddie squealed and ran ahead toward the counter.

He straightened, glancing at me with the softest grin.

“She’s something else,” he said.

I met his eyes, the warmth still lingering between us.

“She really is.”

He smiled—soft, sheepish. A little unsure.

There was a pause.

My eyes flicked between him, the floor, and Maddie standing at the counter, rocking on her heels with the raggedy doll held up against her chest.

I didn’t know what it was about him. Maybe it was the way he spoke to her, so tender.

Maybe it was the way he panicked when I first approached them—all flustered and apologetic, tripping over his words like he hadn’t spoken out loud in days.

Maybe it was his eyes—big, toffee-colored, and far too curious. The way he kept looking at me like I was a puzzle he genuinely wanted to solve.

Despite everything in me that usually resisted introducing new people into our lives, I felt it—that pull.

I wanted to know him.

“I should get going,” he said, his voice low, like he didn’t really want to.

I nodded, even though something in me quietly hoped he’d stay just a little longer.

“Of course. Thank you again. For everything.”

He looked down, then back at me, like he was still trying to memorize something.

“It was… nice meeting you. Both of you.”

“It was nice meeting you too.”

He took a step back, then paused.

“I hope she keeps believing in magic,” he said, glancing toward Maddie with something almost wistful in his eyes.

“She will,” I said, smiling. “She has a good reason to.”

He didn’t say anything after that. Just smiled once more—brighter this time—before turning and walking away.

And even though I knew I’d just met him… I wanted to call out after him. Maybe invite him to eat with us, I had the pretense of him keeping my daughter safe. It would be so easy, just go, “hey wait!”

But I didn’t. I couldn’t.

Because despite having every reason to call out to him, to try and integrate him into my life, the fear in me always ended up eating my intentions up.

Still. I had a feeling that wouldn’t be the last time I saw him..

I stayed still for a moment, just watching him leave.

It wasn’t until he disappeared from view that I finally moved—walking to the counter where my daughter was waiting, still cradling her new doll like a prize.

“Where did Spencer go?” she asked, as soon as I appeared beside her.

Spencer. So that's his name.

It fit him, somehow. A little old-fashioned, a little too soft around the edges for someone who carried so much weight in his eyes. But now that she’d said it out loud, I couldn’t imagine him being called anything else.

“He had to leave, sweetheart.”

Her little face fell just slightly. “Will we see him again? I want to see more magic.”

I crouched beside her, brushing her hair back behind one ear as I pulled her into my arms. The weight of the day finally caught up to me—settling in my chest like something too big to name.

“Who knows, Maddie,” I murmured, holding her tight. “Maybe someday.”

I pulled back just enough to look her in the eye.

“I need you to promise me something, okay?”

She blinked up at me, her Rapunzel doll dangling loosely from one arm.

“Don’t ever wander off like that again. Spencer was kind, and he kept you safe. But not everyone is like him. You could’ve gotten hurt.”

She nodded, serious now. “I’m sorry, Mommy.”

“I know, baby,” I whispered, holding her again. “I just need you safe.”

“I promise, Mommy.” She murmured.

“Thank you, honey.” I kissed her temple. “Now… let’s buy you this doll and go get something to eat.”

She grinned, her earlier worry forgotten, clutching Rapunzel to her chest like she’d just made a new friend.

We walked out hand-in-hand, the late morning sun spilling through the library doors as they shut behind us.

And even though I told myself it was just another Saturday…

I couldn’t shake the feeling that something else had quietly begun.

Next Chapter

[etz-ashashiyot]

I'm bored and stuck waiting and happened to remember that on my old blog I had made this statement:

Since I have a minute, I figured I'd finally drop the list with some brief explanations:

1. By Way Of Sorrow - Coyote Grace version

This song and its lyrics, especially as sung by a queer/trans bluegrass band, could not be more Jew-ish in vibe. I am aware this is a cover, but I have only ever heard their version and that's the one that matters to me. I love love love this song, so much, and it perfectly captures how I feel about having been welcomed into the Jewish people after years of exclusion and othering from numerous other quarters. Am Yisrael has taken me in, treated me like family, connected me to the Divine, healed my wounds, and helped me feel as whole as one can in a broken and unredeemed world - while giving me the tools to join the work of tikkun olam myself.

2. The Farthest Field - The Lumber Jills version

This is the best version I could find; the original I was shown I can't find but will link if I do. This song was actually introduced to me by one of my orthodox rabbis, and I agree with him that it can be understood as a beautiful image of geulah.

3. Hallelujah - Coyote Grace & Girlyman

This one just makes me happy, and the words, message, and themes are very on-brand for Jewish vibes as well in my opinion.

4. Be Thou My Vision - old Irish Hymn (this version and this version are my favorites)

This one is very obviously a hymn and therefore decidedly Not Jewish. On the other hand, the words aren't so explicitly Christian that it rules out use by Jews (in my opinion) and especially if you translate the words into Hebrew, it sounds just like a traditional piyyut. (@springstarfangirl if you want to add your beautiful translation, please feel free!)

5. Down to the River to Pray - Alison Krauss

This is one where I do think the lyrics are a lot closer to being Christian specific, but it makes the list for a couple reasons: first, I've encountered it in Jewish-specific contexts without modification (one of our rabbis actually had us sing it like a regular song during zemirot), and second, there's a modified version by Nefesh Mountain that's quite enjoyable.

6. Whither Thou Goest - traditional

Yes, this one is a hymn too, but the words are directly quoting the Book of Ruth - her famous vows to Naomi, and to the Jewish people - and so it's already practically a Jewish song. It also has a special place of pride for me as a ger, and also because I used it as my wedding song in both the English (as heard in this version) and I also transliterated the Hebrew for our singer to do as well. It works nicely in both languages!

7. Roll the Ol' Chariot - David Coffin

This one I think is a little less direct, but I love it and included it for two reasons: first, it's a song of getting through it and surviving and thriving under tough circumstances, and second, you could very easily put liturgy to this melody instead.

8. For the Autumn Sky - traditional

Ignoring the last verse, this hymn could be very easily adapted into a beautiful Sukkot melody. For the last verse, I'd either simply leave it out, or one could write a Sukkot or Tu Bishvat themed verse to distinguish it. Incidentally, this was one of my favorite hymns growing up.

9. Sanctuary - Shaker melody

The video for this one is obviously mega-Christian, but it's on the list because we actually sing it all the time in shul and it has a special place in my memory from going to camp as a kid. Our shul is definitely not the only one who uses it in a Jewish context, either: this version by Cantor Julia Cadrain is really lovely.

10. Genesis 3:23 - The Mountain Goats

Where are my fellow Mountain Goats fans?? I know you're out there, lol. Look, I know that John Darnielle is coming at this from a Christian perspective, but two things: first of all, TMG has a number of Jewish fans I think at least in part because the lyrics speak deeply to the specific feelings around life (and other people) being horrible to you, surviving, and thriving even in the wake of deep trauma. Second of all, I think this one in particular brings up a number of interesting ideas about the meaning of home, of homecoming, of returning to a home that no longer really exists in the same way, and of exile and redemption. What would it look like to return to Gan Eden? Is this what geulah is supposed to look like, at least in some interpretations? What does it mean if not?

Anyway, this is it for now, but I may add to this list later, because there are definitely a few more! Please also feel free to add your own in the notes!

[flymetosnarryland]

My Snarry WIPs' list.

I would like to share something. My Snarry WIPs' list, yup. Why? I always felt weird writing about myself and stuff I do, but I'm processing changes and thought I can share not only art, lol.

How many project are you working on? I'll dive into couple of mine:

Date with a Star - a Post-War romantic comedy. Harry is in love with Severus, Severus secretly loves Harry. Both are too scared to say what they feel to not lose their friendship. A friend in need asks Harry for help and this is where the wild ride with dumb dating TV-show starts. Especially because Harry don't know that the same friend-in-need blackmailed Severus to get him into the same show too. This is actually a second Snarry fic I ever started to write, inspired by dating TV-show from 1992. I remember that when the idea for this one hit me, I was laughing for a good hour (that TV-show was absolutely ridiculous). And I still feel a pinch of positive embarrassment when think about what's going on there. In fact this story made me want to learn how to translate my wiritngs into English. It's half written and translated too. I really have to finish second part.

Infraction - my first monster fic. My baby. Crime (serial killer), slow burn, Muggle AU featuring Marauders and Death Eaters, political sheananigans and Severus' old flame. I have entire story written out from beginning to the end. What's more... with an ending that allows me to dive into second book (I'm excited lika a child) including the initial idea for it, ahh. Every time I think about Infraction, I feel butterflies in my stomach and a tear comes to my eye, damn. However, the entire project requires a huge amount of work. And a few modifications that I finally have to do to complete the first stage. It's not simple, though. I regret a bit that I released the cover, prologue and first chapter. I was prematurely carried away by the joy of creation, but that's okay. Going to fix it all in time.

In the Moonlight - working title. Something I planned to write for last year's Snarry AUctoberfest, but the beast got bigger, lol. Crime (kidnapping), Muggle AU - my great weakness and, most importantly, inspired by the movie Bodyguard (the one with Whitney Huston). Much like Infraction, this fic is fully planned and scripted. I can't believe I managed to do it. I wrote 1/4 of the whole thing and even have the lyrics of original song that Harry dedicates to Severus, although I don't know anything about music at all (an elephant stepped on my ear).

In between - a drawing series. Harry and Severus in a cute/fluff version. Post-War and happy life, because that's what they deserve!

First time - Drama/Romance, Muggle AU (gosh, yeah, again!). This is a project I want to do 50/50 as a fic/comic. A few works and dirty sketches have already landed here. I have a little dream of writing something that includes e-mails/text messages. In general, a romance that started online. Aren't Harry and Severus purfect for this? (Plus doing art in colour for this project was a test I wanted to start before 3B.)

3B - a Vampire fic, yessss. Can you believe that once I said, I'll never ever write or do anything connected to vampires? Hehe, now I'm in the middle of it, fully commited and over the moon. A bit dark/angsty story with a bonus: illustrations. Crime (more like, cri-me a river, lol; I mean, again? Yup xD), Post-War, a few intrigues, even a SnarryWedding o_0 gosh. That is another thing I said: "No, that's not going to happen." I guess, I fell on my head since now I do everything I promised to myself not to. But it's fun. And bloody, mhaha. I also created my own Vampire Villains and I kinda fell in love with them. Going to sneak into this fic a bit of blood magic mechanics that I created for my fantasy book, too. The picture at the top is one version of the cover sketches ɷ◡ɷ

Adrenaline - working title. Post-War/Drama/Romance and slow burn, a bit of Hogwarts, a bit of Quidditch and for a change Severus will have to show that he wants something more. I mean, I always writing/thinking about Harry chasing Severus. So here the dynamic will change a little. Can't wait for it! The idea for this one was accidentaly born last week and I can't stop it anymore. The inspiration comes from the cover art for Witch Weekly that I did, lol. I had no idea that at the stage of brainstorming, it would turn into another monster. It supposed to be a short story, but, apparently, I'm not good at short stories and it's time to come to terms with it xD I won't cry either because I like Harry and Severus pairing up in different ways/AU's, hehe. And most importantly - creating all these things, even if they don't fully see the world outside my drawer, still gives me great joy!

[elliegoestodownton]

So I've been recently to Chicago on holiday and loved the city even more the second time around for many many reasons (theatre, baseball, architecture, the food!). If only I could have stayed... However, visiting Chicago, I obviously went on a little OneChicago location pilgrimage. Any other year, I would have probably found them there filming, but with the strikes going on, no one was around. But it was so great and fun all the same and I'm really glad I did it!

The first night in town I went to Lottie's aka Molly's. It's a really lovely and friendly pub (even kids were there!) and, being a Friday evening, it was in full swing. I managed to get a table and have dinner there. Indoors, it's exactly as you see it on the show. They have done a marvelous job at re-creating it on the sound stage, down to the very finest details like the art noveau style lamp. However, it's not *that* big as a space and I guess it might have been quite difficult to film there with a big cast, crew and all the filming apparatus, besides being quite expensive. Logicistically, it might have been a nightmare, especially if they started to use it for the other two shows besides Fire (speaking of, stop using that ugly Turtles in PD, ok?).

I sampled the Chicago Fire burger for dinner (boy, was it hot! alas no veggie/vegan versions) and the Molly's by Day beer (it was ok). They also have a PD and Med burger.

On a different day, as I was planning to go to Pilsen (check out the National Museum of Mexican Art if there!), I visited the outdoors locations for Fire and PD. First, I went to the Fire Academy, which is THE real academy and, as Chicagoans have a great sense of humour, it was built on the spot where the Great Chicago Fire started. You can enter in the foyer and check a few paraphernalia, including the statue of a rescue dog (miss you, Tuesday 😭). From there, you can also see the corridor that they often use in scenes where the wall with all the badges of fallen firefighters are.

Not far from there, as part of the University of Illinois campus, you can find the 21st District. It used to be a proper district and is now used by the campus police, I think (as someone who works in a uni, it's mind-boggling to me that you should have law enforcement on campus...). There wasn't much movement around there, but you can clearly recognise the steps and entrance.

Last, but certainly not least, Firehouse 51!!! This was probably the most exciting bit for me. It is a working firehouse so when they film they need to work around that. There doesn't seem to be any modification made for shooting as it appears exactly as it is on screen. When I got there, only the truck was in. A couple who was there for the same fangirling reason were also taking pictures and said you could talk to the firefighthers and might go in. I decided not to as they are indeed working and they must be so tired of showing rabid fans (being ironic!) around. If truck was enjoying their time on the couch, who am I to disturb them?

A couple of pictures with my ugly mug under the cut.

[hottestvampiresimp]

Okay, semi serious post now with more tags and pics

I've been working on a dinosaur-themed video game on and off since 10th grade (I'm about to be a college sophomore if that helps showing how long it's been). It's supposed to be like The Isle or Beasts of Bermuda, but with a lot more prehistoric creatures from all parts of Earth's history (and I'm planning on including some living fossils and recently extinct creatures such as the Dodo and Rodrigues solitaire). And because of the multi-player capabilities, I'd want the game to have boss battles with hybrids.

Here are some concept art pieces for said boss battles.

These two are colored

And these are currently just sketches

I've lately been working on a document filled with game mechanisms and creature classes to keep everything more organized. Here's the Google Doc version of it in case you want to suggest ideas or modifications!

(I'm also looking to migrate everything on Google Drive to somewhere new, so I'd appreciate suggestions on where i could go)

(Side view of Sacabambaspis)

My goal is to make a video game that, like it's predecessors and inspirations, teaches people about the world before humans in a fun and accurate way. My designs aee supposed to be as close to accurate as possible but without making boring designs.

(Side View of Liliensternus)

But also, I'll be including a couple groups of playable creatures that show how we used to think prehistoric creatures looked like and how fictional and outdated media has fundamentally changed how certain creatures are portrayed in media (you'll have to wait for a future post to go into detail about that, but here's a picture of the "Fantasy T rex" that I'll be making. It's based off the Jurassic Park and Walking with Dinosaurs Tyrannosaurus)

I've counted everything up, and it turns out even though I didn't grab every prehistoric creature discovered, I still have a bunch of work to do regarding 3d modelling, texturing, mechanic planning, rigging and everything else that comes with a game.

(Side view of Simosuchus)

I'll leave my Kofi here in case you feel like financially supporting me. And if you do, let me know with proof and I'll gladly draw something of your choice! Don't feel like you have to though, I'd appreciate any sort of suggestion regarding my game design just as much!

Thank you for listening to me talk about my project! I'll probably be back in the future with more in depth posts, including sneak peeks at DLCs and my design process for the in-game designs.

-Auper

[petermorwood]

Chuckling at this, because my Mum - in Northern Ireland, generally considered to be about 20 years behind whatever The Current Times might be in the Big Island - was adding multiple cloves of garlic to one particular soup in the early 1950s.

(Not huge amounts, 40-clove chicken was yet to come, but way more than that timorous suggestion of one clove, unpeeled, and remove it before serving in case it makes you in-Continental.)

That same tentative caution applies to other spices: for instance @dduane & I inherited some of Mum's old British cookbooks which suggest things like a scant half-teaspoonful of "paprika pepper" in a recipe for goulash. Hungarian cookery writer George Lang recommends a couple of tablespoons at least...

I posted about garlic and "foreign seasonings" aversion HERE, along with the recipe for Mum's soup.

Here it is.

*****

I'm hugely grateful that my own Mum was a good deal more adventurous than most Northern Irish housewives of her generation. Being chummy with Signora Battisti, an actual Italian Mamma whose husband ran the fish-and-chip shop down the street, probably had quite a bit to do with that… :->

Here’s a recipe Mum learned before I was born.

Back then olive oil was something you got from the chemist (Olive Oil B.P., meaning British Pharmacopoeia, not British Petroleum), pasta meant macaroni, tomato soup was far easier to find than tinned tomatoes, and buying garlic if you weren’t “foreign” (Mum told me) meant you were “odd”.

Well, Mum was odd…

Peter’s Mum’s “Italiana Soup” (courtesy of Signora Battisti ca. 1953) 2 x Tbsp olive oil 4 x cloves garlic, sliced very thin 2 x medium onions, chopped 2 x 400g / 14 oz tins tomato soup 2 x tins water 2 x potatoes, peeled & diced 2 x handfuls macaroni ( @dduane​ suggests 1 handful = 1 cup, so about 150g; she also points out that in the US, a 400g can of soup usually means Campbell’s Condensed. However Mum always used Heinz Cream of Tomato, which wasn’t condensed, so YMMV.) Heat the oil in a saucepan over low heat. Add the garlic and cook for a couple of minutes. Add the onions and cook until starting to soften. Add the soup and water. Bring to a simmer and add the potatoes. After about 10 minutes, add the macaroni. After about 10 minutes, check texture: potatoes and macaroni should finish at about the same time. Serve garnished with chopped parsley, and a stack of hot buttered toast on the side.

BTW, forget trying to keep the pasta al dente. If the potatoes are waxy they’ll have far more texture than the macaroni, but usually everything goes soft and unctuous and garlicky, hence the beneficial contrast of nice crisp toast. I have no idea what the original Italian soup might have been, and I’d long thought adding spuds was an Irish modification, but much, much later, when @dduane and I were travelling through Cividale and Bolzano, we discovered that dishes including both potatoes and pasta were correct for that region, right up north where Italy bumps against Austria.

Though we've never been to Southern Italy, Pasta e patate con pomodoro (pasta, potatoes and tomato) is a standard dish there, too. That link is in Italian, but Google Translate works fine.

(I can't recall, if I ever knew, whether the Battisti family were from North or South.) Better olive oil, chopped tomatoes in juice rather than canned soup, and actual cream, will make it taste more Italian and authentic, whatever “authentic” means here. You can whizz it canned-soup smooth with a stick mixer before adding the potatoes and pasta, but that's not compulsory.

However the original Heinz-based version is my preferred comfort food whenever I’m feeling down, or when the weather’s lousy, or when I have a cold…

Or when I want to go back in time to when I was young, and my parents were alive, and a bowl of home-made soup was enough to set the world to rights.

Side-note - if the weather's really lousy, add in a splash of Worcester sauce and a generous dash of Tabasco or similar chilli sauce. It works. Alternately, or additionally, swirl a drizzle of that better olive oil onto each bowl, add a dollop of sour cream to the middle of the swirl and dust that with chopped parsley.

The result imitates Italy's red-white-green national colours (Margharita pizza does it too) and also looks jolly flash.

This screenshot from a gardening Facebook group has been on my phone for several years and I'm not sure I'm ever going to be able to delete it. Apparently it comes from a British gardening book from the 80s. I know we all joke that the English are afraid of flavor, but I assure you, you are not prepared for this.

GARLIC

Until quite recently, scientists smiled at all the wonderful medicinal powers claimed for garlic, but recent research has shown that there is some truth in a few of the old wives' tales. Garlic, of course, has an important role in Continental but not in British cookery — it really isn't worth growing unless you are a fan.

Any well-drained spot will do. Buy a head of garlic from the greengrocer or supermarket and split it up into individual cloves. Plant them 2 in. deep and 6 in. apart in March. Apart from watering in dry weather there is nothing else to do until the foliage turns yellow in July or August. Lift the bulbs and allow to dry under cover, then store in a cool, frost-free place.

If you are a beginner with garlic, you must use it very sparingly or you will be put off for ever. Rub a wooden salad bowl with a clove before adding the ingredients. Rub the skin of poultry before roasting and then you can try dropping a whole unskinned clove into a casserole or stew, removing it before serving. If by then you have lost a little of your garlic fear, you can try using crushed (not chopped) garlic in meat etc. as the Continentals do.

[gorgonarcher]

8th Game - Legend of Five Rings 5e

So, from one game that uses the twenty-questions to another. This one uses twenty questions in a bit different way than 7th Sea, in that it uses the questions to serve as the Steps of character creation.

Legend of Five Rings is a fantasy game inspired by a mixture of East Asian mythology and history, though primarily Japanese. The earlier editions were about what you expected from 90s and 00s RPGs based on Japan. 4th edition in particular had a number of essays included that I remember poorly. I picked up the game in the 1st edition and almost dropped it after 4th until I heard that Fantasy-Flight Games picked it up and given my pleasant surprise with how well their Star Wars game worked along with word from people reading the playtests that they fixed a lot of the problems with appropriation in prior editions.

Also, the is a primarily human setting, but there's a couple of options for playing inhuman characters, including a culture called the Shinomen Naga which one of the supplements released rules for.

Though we only have a single school for them.

Since we are going to be using the Naga, we're going to be using a revised version of the Twenty Questions for dealing with folk outside of the Great Clans of the Rokugan Empire that is the usual focus of the setting.

There are a few supplements that present revisions to the Twenty Questions appropriate to the themes of the supplement.

Part I: Core Identity

The first two questions come in under this section and usually those are:

1: What Clan does your character belong to?

2: What Family does your character belong to?

For the revised version in this supplement we instead of these questions:

1: What region does your character come from? What was your character's upbringing?

2: What is your character's past and how does it affect them?

Question 1: What region does your character come from? What was your character's upbringing?

The region is going to give the character a bonus to a Ring, which are the stats of the game, one Skill, and their starting Glory skill.

There are three regions:

Rural Farmland

Forest

Mountain

The Naga mostly live in a vast forest called Shinomen Mori.

So, Forest is the likely region, but there are some mountains in the area and on the edges, and while most humans wouldn't recognize it as such, they have their own farmlands. The Naga in setting have been asleep for unknown ages, but they've woken up and started re-establishing their realms.

I'm going to say she's from one of the farming areas, either orchards or fish farms around one of the rivers deeper into the forest.

Rural Farmland:

Earth +1

Fitness +1

Glory 34

Now upbringing will get her one of two possible Ring bonuses, bonuses to two skills, and starting wealth and status.

Status modification is a little bit different from what I'm used to in this game. Usually, you get a starting Status flat, but I'm assuming that's because the standard you're dealing with samurai of the Great Clans and in this case we're dealing with people outside of that status group. Gaijin have a default Status of 0 and the book advises you to decide the character's status in their own culture based on the tables in the main book. I'm going with a Status of 19 in Naga culture, which is the high end of where laborers, artisans, and military conscripts sit.

We have a couple of options:

Craftsperson

Farmer

Hunter or Fisher

Temple

I sort of want someone on the periphery of Naga society, more likely to become curious about humans than the core. I'm thinking a farmer, from one of the orchards that used to be deeper in the forest back when the forest was much larger.

Farmer gives her:

A choice of +1 Earth or +1 Water, I think I'm going for Water. Rings are more about personality and the adaptability implied by the Water Ring interests me.

+1 Labor, +1 Fitness

Status Modification +4

Starting Wealth: 2 bu

Everybody starts with 1 in every Ring and 0 in every Skill, so with the bonuses above we have.

Rings

Air 1

Earth 2

Fire 1

Water 2

Void 1

Skills

Fitness 2

Labor 1

Social Stats

Glory 34

Status 4/19

Now on to Question 2.

Question 2: What is your character's past and how does it affect them?

This is an entirely narrative question, which usually don't show up until later in the 20 questions. This is a backstory that will cause problems for the character whenever it comes up. Most of the sample pasts are very much centric on the culture of the Great and Minor Clans of Rokugan, so we'll have to come up with something unique for our Naga farm-girl here.

I'm going to go with a bit of The Fugitive here.

Soon after our character awoke, she wandered off into human lands, unfortunately for her, this coincided with the appearance of something else snakish, either a yokai or an actual oni. It was vicious but luckily for her not very powerful. She was able to kill it, which left no body. However, she had no witnesses to this fight, so there's a lot of humans that think she is the monster and investigator that had been hired to tracking the monster is seeking her out.

Part II: Role and School

There are two questions to this section.

Question 3: What is your character's school and what roles does that school fall into?

Now, we already know this as the way they define non-human characters is through their school. Now, as a note, we could also say give her a samurai or other human school because there's numerous canonical examples of humans with supernatural heritage. But we are going to go ahead and use the Naga Seer above anyway, as it is the simplest example.

This gives her two Rings, several skills, some starting techniques, starting Honor, a school trait, starting gear, and a list of which techniques the school has open access to.

So, for this case the Shinomen Naga Seer Tradition gives her:

Earth +1

Water +1

Skills: +1 Courtesy, +1 Fitness, +1 Martial Arts (Melee), +1 Martial Arts (Ranged), +1 Meditation, +1 Performance, +1 Survival

Honor: 55

Available Techniques: Kata, Rituals, Shuji

Kata are martial techniques, Rituals are rituals, Shuji are social techniques.

Starting Kata: Striking as Water or Crescent Moon Style

Starting Shuji: Shallow Waters, Stonewall Tactics, Weight of Duty

I'm choosing Striking as Water for the Kata as it can be used with Ranged attacks.

For the Shuji, I'm taking on the Weight of Duty which lets her recognize what sort of obligations a person has.

And then we also have the following:

Bend Perception (School Ability): When you choose this school, determine what illusion your character has perfected with your GM. Your character can seemlessly switch between their true form and this alternate form within a matter of seconds. When using this school ability, you can still use your true form’s features, such as your tail. Any character witnessing you do so sees something narratively appropriate based on your illusion. A character must make a TN 6 Theology or Survival (Void 5) check to see beyond your illusion. Additionally, you increase the damage dealt by your tail by your school rank.

Starting Outfit: Naga armor (Physical 2, Supernatural 1), yumi, quiver, nagi-nata, traveling pack, personal pearl (sacred).

And now we move on.

Question 4: How does your character stand out within their school?

This is a free choice to add another extra dot to a Ring. We can't add to Earth or Water because the max you can gain in character creation is 3 and we've maxed both of those out. So the different Rings imply the following traits:

Air - Grace, eloquence, empathy

Earth - Thoroughness, patience, calm

Fire - Creativity, passion, drive

Water - Adaptability, friendliness, awareness

Void - Self-awareness, insight, mysticism

So, I'm looking for something that pushes towards curiosity, but curiosity can be applied to Air, Fire, and Void. I think I'm going for Air though for the better Empathy.

This makes her final Rings look like the following:

Air 2

Earth 3

Fire 1

Water 3

Void 1

Part III: Honor and Glory

This has two questions designed to discuss what your character's Giri (Duty) and Ninjo (Desire). These are narrative hooks meant to be in conflict with each other.

Question 5: Who is your lord and what is your character's duty to them?

The Naga character doesn't have quite the same relationship with Duty and Desire that the samurai do. The Seer school are Bushi and Courtier, but I don't think she particularly has the duty of a full Naga warrior. I do think her duty to the Naga in general would fill in for her Giri. She'd be trying not to give too much away to the humans that may not immediately consider them trustworhy. So, while she's traveling among humans, she tries hard not to reveal herself, using her illusion to hide herself as human.

Question 6: What does your character long for, and how might their past impact their ninjo?

This is one of the revised questions. The normal one is as follows:

What does your character long for, and how might this impede their duty?

This is similar, though. I think she's intrigued to see how the world has changed since the Naga went to sleep and is wandering about seeing human culture, unfortunately with people pursuing her, she's had to be extra careful to avoid attention where she can.

Question 7: What is your character known for?

This is another revised question where the original is:

What is your character's relationship with their clan?

In this case, the question is whether she is known for something positive or negative. And the answer is that she is mostly known for something negative. People believe she's a monster of some sort.

If she'd had a positive reputation, she'd gain +5 Glory. But with a negative reputation, she gains 1 rank in a skill she has 0 in.

The skills are as follows:

I'm going to say she's picked up a rank in Culture from observing humans.

Question 8: What does your character think of Bushido?

Because of how the Rokugan Empire claims almost all the land in the area, it is impossible to get through life without having at least some dealing with the tenets of Bushido. I don't have clear memories of what the Naga philosophies are, precisely, but I am aware that they are significantly different in some ways from those of the Samurai. The two cultures have some mutual enemies in the form of the Shadowlands, nor are they expressly enemies themselves, but there's room for them to be enemies or allies in the future.

If her belief aligned with Bushido, I'd give her +10 Honor. But because I am going with the idea that she only knows a little bit about Bushido and is sticking to her own beliefs, I'd get 1 rank in a skill from a list of skills normally associated as "Low" skills.

That said, Honor is supposed to be about your own belief in yourself and is separate from how other people feel about you, I could say that this would be based on her following along with Naga philosophies.

But I still think that the slightly off-normal for the bonus skill would work better. If she was fully in accord with Naga beliefs she likely wouldn't have wandered out into the human controlled lands.

So that is a choice of a rank in one of the following: Commerce, Labor, Medicine, Seafaring, Skulduggery, or Survival.

And because of how she's been using illusions to pass as human and avoiding attention, Skulduggery feels appropriate.

Part IV: Strengths and Weaknesses

This where we introduce the character's Advantages and Disadvantages. And also at this point we've passed all the sections that were revised for the supplement including Naga.

Question 9: What is your character's greatest accomplishment so far?

This is pretty easy as we've already mentioned it. She defeated a monster shortly after waking up and is now mistaken for it. So I'll want an Advantage that represents that fight. These are Distinctions, which are more about physical, supernatural, or social advantages.

These are easily home-brewed, and it is encouraged to do so, but I want to look through the pre-built stuff to see if there's something that works already.

Sixth Sense seems to work for this. Advantages come with a narrative and a mechanical aspect, Sixth Sense looks like this:

So, basically, it was a creature that depended on ambushes and as she was able to sense it ahead of time, she had an advantage that she used to kill it.

Question 10: What holds your character back the most in life?

This presents a the idea of a Disadvantage, these are similar to Advantages in that they have a narrative and a mechanical aspect to them. This one is the opposite of a Distinction... an Adversity that deals with physical, supernatural, or social limits.

I think what probably holds her back the most is the idea that she's not sure if there are other Naga around or alive. She still feels a duty not to reveal them to the humans, in case there are others, but by the same token she feels so very alone.

However, that sounds more like an Anxiety. So I think I'm going to go back to the Fugitive thing and take Whispers of Cruelty to give mechanics to the rumors she has following her.

Question 11: What activity most makes your character feel at peace?

Ah aha, here is where we get Curiosity. This is where we pick a Passion which, as with all Advantages, has a narrative and a mechanical aspect, and deals entirely with emotional well-being and Curiosity is one of the pre-built versions.

Question 12: What concern, fear, or foible troubles your character the most?

And at this point, we can add in Loneliness which is a prebuilt Anxiety, the mirror to Passions dealing with mental health, from the Emerald Empire supplement. She's already wandered far away from the other Naga, so other Naga do not know where to look to find her through the Unity (a telepathic ability the Naga share with each other) and she's not well trained in projecting her thoughts, so she's already moved well past the range at which she can hear the thoughts of her kin. It's made her increasingly fear that she was the only one to wake up.

Question 13: Who has your character learned the most from during their life?

This would be an elder Naga who taught her much about archery and farming throughout her life. This comes with one Advantage, either a Distinction or a Passion, one Disadvantage, either an Adversity or an Anxiety. And 1 rank in a skill related to the relationship.

In this case I'm going to say that she has Keen Sight to represent how she was trained to find both targets and to see developments in the land and crops. Whether the fruit in the orchards was ripe or blighted.

However, she is also very clearly Gaijin in both appearance and culture.

And then I'm giving her 1 rank in Martial Arts (Ranged)

At this points stats look like this:

Air 2

Earth 3

Fire 1

Water 3

Void 1

Skills

Courtesy 1

Culture 1

Fitness 3

Martial Arts (Melee) 1

Martial Arts (Ranged) 2

Meditation 1

Performance 1

Labor 1

Skullduggery 1

Survival 1

Part V: Personality and Behavior

Question 14: What do people notice first upon encountering your character?

Well, if her illusion is not up, then the first thing most people would notice about her is that she's a great big snake person. Without that, however, her garb is archaic and also a bit alien. The last time Rokugani and Naga interacted with each other, when they were fighting the Foul (Shadowlands) together, the empire was not yet officially formed. She dresses very much like a culture that has not been seen in living memory (excluding certain gods still around) because she is someone from a culture that has been asleep for ages.

The most distinctive bit of aesthetic gear that she has is a green and gold body wrap, something like an overlong scarf that folds over one shoulder and then wraps around her waist.

Question 15: How does your character react to stressful situations?

This is basically a tell that happens when she does what the game calls "unmasking" one way to clear Strife or stress. It might not be a part of every such event, but it's basically a quirk or mannerism that pops up as stress threatens to overwhelm them. In this case, I think she tries hum to herself to calm down, and perhaps instinctively coils in on herself, which might create a sign people can hear through her illusion and give her away.

Question 16: What are your character's pre-existing relationships with other clans, families, organizations, and traditions?

She has mostly interacted with the peasants as she travels, and her gaijin appearance tends to set them off. She doesn't have much contact with the samurai of the clans, but she's being tracked by a Crab Clan Inquisitor and is not enjoying that at all. She's probably had a couple encounters with other samurai from Crab Clan or other minor clans, aside from those that would be part of the the group they're part of. Think of this through the lens of the Fugitive (or the A-Team) where she'd help the locals and move on before Javert/Zenigata catches up.

Part VI: Ancestry and Family

Question 17: How would your character's parents describe them?

Naga are raised by the community without direct knowledge of who their parents are. She was found to be a bit more inquisitive than most of her people found appropriate. But they couldn't fault her kindness or the efforts she takes to be helpful.

Question 18: Who was your character named to honor?

This isn't really how names are done with the Naga. And sadly, I can't find an easy place where the game talks about Naga names. They don't all even seem to have names or else go by titles with the definitive article in front. In this case, I'm going to say that she just tells people she's a "traveler" and Time Lord style she gets called "The Traveler".

This question is connected to a mechanical benefit usually one rolled. I'm going to look through a bit through some of the alternate charts. Not finding anything designed for Shinomen Naga specifically, I'm going to go ahead and roll on the basic chart. Getting a 1, that's a Famous Deed associated with one of her ancestors, in this case probably one of the many Naga that raised her, or their overall bloodline. And this comes with an heirloom and rolling a one on that is a weapon. So let's say that her yumi (a sort of bow) has the durable quality and someone from a related clutch managed to kill a powerful oni with a bow.

Question 19: What is your character's personal name?

So, yeah, I apparently folded this question in with question 18. Question 18 was more to do with your character's family past and overall family reputation. And then you choose the name at this question. So, that would be The Traveler.

Part VII: Death

Question 20: How should your character die?

This is a purely narrative question and goes into giving something of the theme of what the character is willing to sacrifice or what fatal flaw will lead them to their final end. In this character's case, it's going to be that she will likely get in over her head helping people and either go down in the effort, or be caught up by her pursuers and unable to convince them she means no harm.

So, the end result of this character is as follows:

The Traveler

Rural Farmland, Orchard Farmer, Shinomen Naga Seer

Rings

Air 2

Earth 3

Fire 1

Water 3

Void 1

Skills

Courtesy 1

Culture 1

Fitness 3

Martial Arts (Melee) 1

Martial Arts (Ranged) 2

Meditation 1

Performance 1

Labor 1

Skullduggery 1

Survival 1

Techniques

Kata: Striking as water

Shuji: Weight of Duty

Advantages

Distinctions: Sixth Sense, Keensight

Passion: Curiosity

Disadvantages

Adversities: Whispers of Cruelty, Gaijin Culture

Anxieties: Loneliness

School Ability

Bend Perception (School Ability): When you choose this school, determine what illusion your character has perfected with your GM. Your character can seemlessly switch between their true form and this alternate form within a matter of seconds. When using this school ability, you can still use your true form’s features, such as your tail. Any character witnessing you do so sees something narratively appropriate based on your illusion. A character must make a TN 6 Theology or Survival (Void 5) check to see beyond your illusion. Additionally, you increase the damage dealt by your tail by your school rank.

Starting Outfit: Naga armor (Physical 2, Supernatural 1), yumi (durable), quiver, nagi-nata, traveling pack, personal pearl (sacred).

[dapurinthos]

broke down and bought a photopea account so i can have storage space there as well as no ads (well, i have no ads anyway thank you ublockorigin, light of my life, defender against google, infuriator of youtube), and a couple extra history steps.

now i can work on adding things to the single coruscant map that i've managed to get hold of through the 2016 version of star wars: galactic maps because no, i couldn't just write self-indulgent star wars fic, i have to have things like a timeline, a catalogue of ships, a spreadsheet to track the order 66 temple siege, deciding which tangle of lineages to use (i'm very tempted to do connections with the high republic like maybe linking azlin rell or ady sun'zee through to lene kostana), and figuring out where the fuck everything in coruscant is in relation to the jedi temple, the senate, and whatever the fuck else exists in this ecumenopolis.

behold, my saving grace!

my brain keeps wanting me to label the file 'the power of friendship (and this lightsaber rifle madame nu gave me!)' after the 'the power of friendship (and this gun i found!)' (aka the most hilarious yuugiou fic that i love and cherish) and the originating meme of:

and issues 9 & 10 of darth vader (2017):

that or it's going to end up something ridiculous like 'implementation of emergency code f.e.a.r. (fuck everything and run).'

with a even more ridiculous full title of:

'implementation of emergency code f.e.a.r for the preventative conservation of the jedi order, a necessary modification of the guardian protocols in light of the bombing of the jedi temple hanger of 7957.203.3'

[cai-tan]

Longpost ahead about a new mechanic (or two... or ten) for Jack Schmidt: Murderbot Mascots. But first, a progress preview screenshot!

On the bright side of things being on fire, I'm 99.9% sure I can definitely make progress on Jack Schmidt by working on models and designs for things like weapons, regardless of what engine the game ends up going into! Lately, I've actually decided that for the new version of the Combat Shotgun, I'm looking to design it based off of references for the Saiga-12 and Vepr-12, with some special twists and modifications. You can see I've basically started importing a sort of "moodboard" for the weapon into this Blender scene as I work out the design blockout of the weapon. I've also taken a picture of an Akbas underbarrel shotgun and made it transparent to layer on top of an image of the Saiga in order to get an idea of what kind of space I need to use to fit in such an implement to get the planned altfire system to work (for those who haven't heard from when I discussed this on stream, the Combat Shotgun is getting a Half Life inspired altfire that effectively fires twice simultaneously for extreme burst damage; unlike Half-Life, however, it's being "justified" by using a physical modification involving an underbarrel shotgun).

You might notice I'm making an effort to get the modeling of the underlying barrel and recoil piston system detailed enough to make sense; part of that is that there's actually now a plan for the weapon to effectively have two different foregrip designs that are swapped between.

That's because I've made the executive decision to afford myself a little bit of feature creep as a treat. After seeing the mechanic crop up in the likes of Turbo Overkill, I've decided to implement a little bit of a shop system in the game.

It's been a concept I've bounced around in my head quite a bit, especially with regards to the story of the game. The standard introduction is that you work for what's effectively a private military slash security firm contracting company, providing muscle for anyone who provides money. The wacky haunted animatronics terrorizing the (currently) local area are bound to be a civil threat, but you're only specifically there to fulfill a contract from a mildly shady robotics company who wants you to salvage the mechanical and electronic components to do more research on how they are being possessed. This tied into an amusing idea of having "Salvage Value" from Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria Simulator be a minor mechanic in the game, albeit with a humorously inverted relationship where you'd get bonuses from being even more destructive in your "takedowns" of the Murderbot Mascots.

Thus, implementing a very simplified system for upgrading your weapons and buying other items is a great usage of that concept, and also secretly ends up solving a couple minor issues and tying in neatly with other planned mechanics. For example, one of the things that bugged me about giving the Combat Shotgun this "double-barrel" feature was that it would imply that every Combat Shotgun on the map would also visibly denote that feature, and given that there's supposed to be a generous handful of opportunities for the player to pick up this staple weapon, it's hard to believe that there's this many shotguns with underbarrel shotgun modifications lying around in the world. Therefore, establishing it as an upgrade applied by the player character makes a little bit more sense.

Having a sort of currency system also allows me to create additional hidden pickups as more exploration rewards, too.

The shop system could also be used to purchase additional Burn Chips (the reworked system for powerups going forward). The plan is to limit how many they can buy per level, partly to avoid having them blow all their salvage on consumables and not be able to unlock important weapons and upgrades later on.

[the-firebird69]

My husband has an idea a couple of them he wants to go over a different one first and he handed it off to Thor and Freya who have the custom chopper company and he wants them to design a chopper it's kind of like a chopper Barber and he knows that and he's thinking two three hundreds and Thor Freya and maybe affordable.

Hera

Yeah she's cut off. This is our area we've been doing it forever you know you guys are good at it but you learn from us well a lot of it you did come up with new stuff and configurations in a really rock and we may have had stuff like it but doing it on your own is incredible you have something like the lights this is a huge tire it just works great. The drive is similar but no it's intense so I'm going to come up with something intense and affordable and that's the name of the game for Hard knock kicker 5150 and to do that is kind of tough cuz you have a budget that's very low and a bike that's very bare Bones but works very well. I came up with something really cool and interesting and he's saying two 300s and what I said was it's hard to sync them matter of fact the gearbox makes it cost too much so he said a new engine and I was thinking of 450 and it's a V-Twin it's pretty big and it's definitely going to be a hard knock kicker engine and it comes with the bike of course and it's stock from the company made with hard knock only it's a motor we make in the house from the pug mill all the way out. And what's unique about it is we're going to make it out of recycled steel and make it super strength and exhaust is going to be very loud by comparison to most of hard knock kicker 5150 line and it makes it a lot less expensive leave it or not it's so cheap that it hurts it is absolutely no materials you have to buy you just we just crush things up separate them and melt them down and it's recycled so it's kind of genre or making something less money and we're going to start doing that with the bikes and make them cheaper than they are now which is ridiculous. I have a new estimate but he saw two choppers and they looked like hard knock kicker 5150 a little but they're real choppers they're lower their back tires wide and that's what this would be a new swept forwards and very loud these are kind of raunchy they're kind of like rat choppers. 10 hours would not be they'd be classic and shiny and nice and painted good and chrome motors mostly unless you change it and the frame would be Chrome and people like that it is really a nice touch and the bike price would be about 3,100 with my modifications without it's too much and if you assemble it and we give you a rolling chassis with the tires and wheels off but they're they're all they're mounted the tires are mounted and the electrical is in and all the hookup points but really you have to assemble most of it and it's about 50 parts it's not many and it's a lot of fun and people love doing it that drops at $500 to $2,600 plus delivery which is usually a hundred bucks or less and we're going to start producing these people love choppers they want them and we're going to make them and we also have a cruiser design that uses the 450 and this 450 has about 50 horsepower and 65 foot pounds of torque it's two or three horsepower more than a Sportster and about seven more foot pounds of torque in a Sportster and sportsters really take off and the cruiser is going to be nice it's not really fat but it's bigger and fatter and has bags and different combinations but it comes with two bags and it really looks nice he's probably going to get a bike from there you go see is one of the prime owners and I am too and Freya and Hera and more, going to have several chocolate designs and zigzag wants to design one version and we're going to ask him to and it's going to be great and more want to and we're going to offer to all of us that want to do it to come in and do it and each have a different style and he's laughing because I like little riders and they're cool and some what ornate and that would fit in with the Warhammer take chips to people are going to be making so he's excited because of the analogy and it's really cool so we're going to have a lot of different designs and basically it's like a fairing in a tank and things like that and these are all liquid cool going on sale soon

Thor Freya

Have to be real brief but he wants dragon Ball z go as a game so we're going to try and design it now we have several people that want to be in on it including Tommy f and Trump

Hera

Olympus

[catchingbigfish]

whoops, @nanashi23 asked me a question and i thought i'd posted a reply but i think tumblr ate it! so here's a rewritten version and apologies if that original one did show up and i just can't find it for whatever reason:

so generally whenever i write a longer work i like to look at other plot structures (i keep a couple templates in scrivener that i use for this purpose) like the three-act or a generic freytag's pyramid, or any other diagram i found online, and compare it to my synopsis. this is something an undergrad teacher told us to do so it might have an actual name as an exercise! anyway, i look at the story and try outlining it in the format of whatever plot structure i'm looking at, and i usually have to juggle plot points around (like, the inciting incident falls in a different place in the three-act versus a five-act modeled after a journey).

for conversion specifically i stumbled across a blog post detailing dan harmon's plot embryo and a modification for it called the tragic embryo and i found that one fit conversion *perfectly* after i rearranged the story to fit it.

for zero drafting, i tend to do this naturally if i try to crank out a proper first draft, it's basically summarizing the story (or telling, not showing). when i try to crank out a draft i usually wind up summarizing a scene i don't feel like writing right then and then go back to expand it, so this time i'm trying to do it from start to finish and it's been *so* helpful. it almost reminds me of a more elaborate version of the snowflake method -- instead of jumping from one sentence to one page or whatever, i'm going through my 1-3 sentence outlines to 300-400 words per scene on average. i saw a lot of people tend to have 10-20% of their final word count in the zero draft and i'm anticipating around 90-100k words, and i'm about halfway through my outline and just over 4.5k words of the zero draft so far. my plan is to try to get as close to done with the proper draft during camp nano as possible and i'm going to use the zero draft to guide my way through it!

i've been experimenting with mapping the synopsis for conversion onto various plot structures. i love this process -- it's like a fun challenge and helps me rearrange things until i find the path that i think really works for the story -- and i've decided to combine it with a proper zero draft this time. if anyone's got tips on zero drafting, like how you use it/what works best for you, lmk; i'm pretty sure i just read an article drafted by an ai but i'm super curious how other people use it

[mikimeiko]

Daytrip - To the lake! And the weather is good this time!

Ok, now that the weather is finally warm enough is time to go back to the lake and the hills/mountains! I'm staying in Lombardy today, and that means I get to use the Ioviaggio ticket, which is a day pass (or 2 days, or 3 days, or a week) that you can use on any regional train, every bus, every tram, every metro, some funiculars and even some lake ferries :3 (not today though) inside Lombardy (actually you can also get to a couple of places in Piedmont, Emilia Romagna and Veneto but only by train. Oh, and two cities in Switzerland! which is very amusing).

Am I going to describe every transport pass I use? Why yes, of course! It might make you want to come here and try them :D

First stop: Luino

I've been to Luino before, but this is the first time I see the historical town centre? The other times I must have stuck to the lakeside, but it is actually very pretty.

Luino is one of those eerie places that was clearly really prosperous at a certain point of history and then (slowly? all of a sudden?) lost its importance/status. The train station is huge and quite elegant, the newish part of the town and the lakeside are full of gorgeous art nouveau buildings, many of those former hotels now converted to other uses.

In 2019 I started a sort of project, an instagram page called Ognistazione that I hoped at some point to turn into a website, a combination of my wanderlust and my completionism: visiting every train station in Lombardy and see what you can find there (unofficial motto: there's always something to see), exploring railway lines one stop at a time. When the lockdown started I was only two stations short on my second line; the first thing I did when the three weeks from my second dose of vaccine were over was to go to those two stations and finish that line. Life was hectic at the time, and a few months passed before I started a new line, but still something was a little bit off and I keeping it up started to feel more like a chore than anything else. So it went on an indefinite hiatus (I briefly revived the page during last summer's train tour, though it was a little off topic).

But today, while I was on the train in a direction I hadn't traveled in a while, I actually felt like trying again. Because really, it's just this weird project that is not really about trains and it's not really about daytrips and it's not really about discovering hidden gems but it kinda is all of these things, and at the best of times it felt like a little nudge to get me on a train and wandering even when I thought I didn't have the energy so I don't know. Let's try again I guess.

(With some modifications, there were aspects that were unsustainable and I don't really care for unsustainability in my free time) (Also would anyone maybe be interested in a tumblr version? I'm not sure if it could work or how it could work but I could try!)

So north we go, to Pino sulla sponda del Lago Maggiore!

LOVE when you can see the water from the train platform.

I've been here once before and I kinda thought I'll never come back again because to get to the town from the train station you have to go up these:

(they continue for a while, this is just the first bit). I am a city dweller made of jello, going up stone stairs for any amount of time kills me every time and I hate it!

But the town is quite nice, and the view of the lake is ALMOST worth it.

Since I'm not dead after all, I decide to go to the next stop, Maccagno, which is luckily BY the lake and not OVER the lake.

I decided to go back via a different route, with a bus for Varese passing through the hills (there used to be a railway ;_; but as it happened to many smaller railways it was decommissioned in the 50s. In Ghirla there's still the old station building and they converted the platforms into bus stops).

It was a good idea because the route is very pretty. It was a bad idea because it picked up all the kids going home from school (WHY DO I ALWAYS FORGET THAT MIDDLE SCHOOL AND HIGH SCHOOL KIDS HAVE SCHOOL ON SATURDAYS).

Then I waited far too long at Varese train station, and I was cold and tired and sad, but then? The light got beautiful (:

[yoshinobukanemaru]

Crafting post of what I got done today:

First up is solving a problem I had without spending money. I needed a background for filming social media posts that wasn't my desk mat. My deskmat matches my stream background and has my twitch logo, which is great for streaming, but isn't great for my social media for crocheting. As of yesterday, all of my social media as it relates to my crocheting is under the name Hooking Hijinks, except twitch. I don't want to change my twitch name because I want to keep it separate so I can be flexible and do game streams. But to keep it consistent across everything else, I can't exactly use my desk mat as a background. So I was searching for some on Amazon that were just a patterned situation so I could keep it neutral. Except they were like 50 bucks and too big for the desk area. Cue me remembering I have some patterned vinyl that I bought on clearance at Joanns like 5 years ago.

I just cut up a cardboard box, lined up the vinyl sheets so the pattern was consistent and tacked them in place. The back kept popping off so a little scotch tape fixed that. Took me like 20 minutes and most of that was cutting the box and trying to peel the vinyl off the backing lmao

I also was able to crochet about 4 inches on the baby blanket. It's about 5 rounds. Since the blanket is worked in a "circle" each round has 4 rows so that's about 20 rows. Three of those rows had some fussy stitches that weren't fast because I wanted to get them correct. The blanket measures 25.5 inches across and the goal is to get it as close to 34 inches while ending on a row that allows me to start a nice border. Because this pattern is written for a king sized bed, I'm having to find a stopping point before adding the border that makes sense. It doesn't fit completely on any of my desks so the pictures are with part of it hanging off. I also did a couple of close up pics so you can see some of the detail going into it. I'm getting tempted to make a full sized version of this blanket sometime this year because I'm loving how it's turning out.

I've made a a slight modification from the pattern which is just because of my hatred of popcorn stitches. I have swapped those out for larger puff stitches because I prefer those and they look similar. Lots of texture in this one! Really really happy with how it's turning out so far!

[arizonaconservativegal]

First of all, thanks for replying. And thanks to the people in the notes who followed up, as well. In terms of interests, while I would love someone who shares a lot of them, I really only have one that's necessary. As an aspiring game developer, games are my art form, especially the world building and the mechanics and systems in place. I want someone who shares this love, who I can bond over with. Anything else would just be icing on the cake. In terms of appearance, I'd prefer if she were shorter than me by a good amount, ideally at or below 5' 6" but I'm fine as long as she's not above like 5' 10". I'm not the leanest person myself, I've got a little belly, but I'm working on it and slowly losing weight. I don't mind if she's a little chubby either, but if she's really fat I just can't go with that. I'm probably a little hypocritical here as I'd obviously prefer someone who's in shape, but I can find some heavier women attractive as long as they're short and feminine. I dislike body modifications, and would prefer someone without any, but I could deal with a few small tattoos and a few piercings, as long as they're not gauges or septum piercings. And obviously she needs to want kids (but not have any), needs to be not a full-on leftist (I'm fine with a centrist, conservative, or ideally a libertarian), and just have a nice personality that gels with mine. I tend to be a pretty low-key, somewhat boring person, and have trouble dealing with people who have "big" personalities. I find that at my age, it's hard to find someone who wants kids but doesn't have any, and who likes games but isn't butch or seriously fat or really punk or whatever. Those are pretty much my lines in the sand, appearance and personality-wise. Do I have too many of them? Are there things I should care less about? As I said, I've never been in a relationship, so I really don't know what's important and what's not. I'm just basing what I want on what I personally prefer.

And I know what I need to do to become more attractive, myself. Lose some weight, get a better job, move out. Is there anything else I need to do, and what should I prioritize? Right now I'm thinking about trying for a raise at work, but I'm also worried it'll put me over the pay limit for subsidized healthcare, and I've got a lot of health problems that are out of my control. I'd need to jump to a job with actual benefits to make it really worth it, so it'll be hard just moving up gradually.

And finally, just because I'm spilling everything out here anyway, there's a girl at work who recently broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years who I've been becoming quite friendly with. She's always enjoyable to talk to, and she seems to like me at least as a friend. However she's not got a lot in common with me. There's a guy who clearly likes her, and she has a friend that's probably into her, and I knew her ex and they all have a similar look that's very different to me. I think she also tends to go for "bad boys" and I'm definitely not one of them. She recently asked about my interests and stuff kind of probing more deeply, but since I basically haven't had any friends for years I don't know if that's just what's normal or if she's actually a little bit interested in me. Honestly I'm not sure what to do or if I should even do anything. She's basically a normie and I'm borderline autistic. I'm not used to anyone actually being interested in anything about me and I don't know how to tell one kind of "interest" from another. And considering she's a coworker and I enjoy her company, I don't want to fuck anything up. What do I do?

Ok there's a lot to unpack here...

First of all, I'm not going to be that person who tells you looks don't matter because let's all be honest here for a second, they do and anyone who says otherwise is lying for internet morality points. Obviously if you're going to date someone, you need to not be repulsed by their physical appearance.

But. Looks are not the most important thing and they're also not permanent. Plus in my experience, the more you get to know someone, the more attractive they become to you because you just see people differently when you love them. So don't worry so much about finding the most beautiful girl you've ever seen, or being the most handsome guy she's ever seen. When it's right, that stuff will handle itself.

(Also, I'm not saying you did this, but if you put all that in your online dating profile, please delete it immediately because it will scare women off if it's public and even if it's just for the algorithm, you're probably losing a lot of potentially good matches by being too specific)

I would think a little more about personality. It can be a lot harder to define that than appearance, but that's the part of her that you're going to really fall for. What does "big" personality mean to you? Does that mean just being loud, or is it a certain kind of humor, or just being extroverted or outgoing? Think a little about the people you enjoy spending time with and figure out what it is about them that makes you want to be around them. Interests are a good starting point, but try to think about what drives those interests and how they express them.

And think about you too. How would you describe yourself? I'd guess with your interest in game development, you probably have a big imagination and attention to detail, yeah? Do you have a dry sense of humor, maybe? Are you a patient person? Do you prefer to be busy or to take it easy? When you get stressed out, what calms you down? What are your values in life?

Think about what kind of person complements all that. Remember you're looking for a partner, someone to build a life with. That means the two of you have to make a good team. You'll bring out the best in each other and compensate for each other's weaknesses.

As for the changes you think you need to make, I'm going to let you in a little secret about women: there is nothing sexier to us than a guy who has his shit together. And that doesn't mean you need a fancy law degree and a six figure office job and a mortgage. It means knowing who you are and what you want and be working a clear, realistic plan to get there.

So yes, everything you mentioned is probably a good idea because it sounds like that will help you have more confidence and get on more solid ground with your life and future. But as for what you should do first, just focus on what is best for you, not for some hypothetical future wife you haven't met yet. It sounds to me like you've still got some healing to do and that needs to be your priority.

But when you're ready, the only thing to do is start talking to people and go on lots of dates that will mostly go nowhere. That's okay. The point is to meet girls and see if there's enough there for a second date, then maybe a third, and so on. You're not looking for something that's perfect right away. You're just looking for a starting point to build something more from.

In your case, yes, you probably do need to find a girl who at least has some interest in video games. It's going to be too much of your life for her to not at least be willing to indulge you when you want to talk about the game you're working on. I would guess that there are a lot of girls in "nerd" category who maybe don't know much about video games but would be interested if someone they cared about wanted to show them. Or if you really want to start off with just a pool of people who are as interested in game development as you, I'd hazard a guess that there are conventions or online forums on the subject. Maybe check out some of those and just start talking to people. Maybe it goes nowhere. Maybe you make a new friend. Maybe more. Who knows?

As for the girl at work, I think you're setting yourself up to get hurt. Girls who go for bad boys don't usually change their habits easily. She may be interested in you because you're not like her ex and she's trying to try something different, but that doesn't usually last. It isn't that you're doing anything wrong, it really is just how girls like that are. And it doesn't make any sense but it's how it is.

In general though, if you're getting to know a girl and you're not sure if she's looking for a friend or a boyfriend, it's okay to ask. Don't be creepy about it or anything, but it's okay to say something like "I just want to make sure I'm not reading too much into this." And be prepared to drop it if she says she just wants to be friends.

(Also my rule for dating coworkers is this: if it's a job you plan to stay at long term and you work closely together, the answer is no. If it's more of a temporary thing or you really only pass her in the hall once a week, that's probably okay as long as your company doesn't have some policy against it)

Bottom line, you're overthinking this. Love isn't logical. You can make all the plans and checklists in the world and none of them matter because that's just not how it works. Trust me, if it was, I'd be married by now too.

All you can really do is be the best version of yourself for you, meet a bunch of people, probably get your heart broken a couple of times along the way, and eventually you'll find someone who makes it all worth it.

-

As a side note, are you in a good church? If you're a person of faith at all (and I'm an atheist, so no judgement if you're not), I think having a community like that around you would be good for you right now.

[nightingaletrash]

I'm returning the same set because these are some good questions: 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, and 9 for the Jacob and MC asks 😊

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh thank you :D

2. How did you come up with your MC and Jacob’s backstory (family, where they’re from, their relationship with each other, etc.)?

Tbh I started out with the intention of messing around with a lil Dadam Jensen AU and not much else, so I had no idea to expect to get so invested into the story and the characters the way I do with Bioware and Bethesda games. As I spent more time playing the game, however, I got very invested in the game’s story and the more I played, the more time I spent coming up with ideas for the Jensen family. Parts of their story I derived from Deus Ex, in which Adam is a canon character, so originally Adam was a single dad who’d separated from Evie and Jacob’s mother, Megan, when Evie was still very young, but Evie talked about her mum so much in game that I started envisioning a whole different character in that role. It changed quite a bit about the family’s history. 

Originally Adam moved the kids from Detroit to the UK after separating from Megan at the request of the Ministry who needed help dealing with the war - Megan was too wrapped up in her work to be a reliable parent and partner, which is why he took the risk in taking the kids. With Kara in the picture, Adam instead came to the UK with his parents whilst he was still a student and transferred from Ilvermony to Hogwarts, so he’d always worked at the Ministry and the kids had always grown up in the UK - namely in Derbyshire. It also influenced Evie’s development as a character and she became more fleshed out within that particular verse.

Evie and Jacob’s relationship is based pretty much on what I wish I could have had with my older brother when we were growing up. It’s only now that we’re adults that we actually get along and can talk without ripping each other’s throats out, because as kids we didn’t even want to know each other and looking back, I just see a lot of wasted time :/ it also made Jacob’s disappearance harder on Evie, because they got along so well and she was always at his heels and spending time with him, because they went from spending all their time together, to writing all the time and being together during the holidays, to Evie suddenly not having her big brother at all. She could never turn to him for help in her 1st year of school, having spent her life fully expecting for him to be there and looking out for her, and couldn’t ever ask him for advice as her relationships began to change and her world began to change. Yes she has her parents, she’s very close to both of them, but there are somethings that you don’t talk to your parents about and Jacob was always her go-to for that.

3. How did you come up with your version of Jacob?

So Jacob originally didn’t get a lot of focus because I’d not even imagined Evie having a brother at the time I first created the character, which was before I even started playing HPHM.  So the second that Jacob’s name popped up in HPHM, I actually spent a good ten minutes cry-laughing because part of my love of the name Evie comes from Evie Frye in AC:Syndicate… and she has a twin brother… called Jacob.I used Jacob Frye’s most basic character traits (good intentions, heavy handed methods, and humorous) as a sort of template for Jacob Jensen, and then just… let him run wild and decide who he was. My method of development is less coming up with stuff and more start with an initial concept and then let my character telling me about themselves, so essentially he’s decided now is the time to start talking to me about himself and I’ve had the time to sit and think about what he’s told me and how it plays into things.

With the introduction of Duncan and some new information that’s been dropped in 5th year, Jacob’s become a much more focused character. Rather than a sort of concept with a name, he’s become more solid in my mind and feels more like a character than before.

Of course we still have a lot of story left and JC might have plans of their own that deviate from my Jacob a bit, but I’m not above ignoring what game devs establish as canon. I mean what are they gonna do? Break down my door and tell me no? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

4. How does your MC cope with everything they’ve endured with Jacob, R, and the Vaults?

Pretty much as stated in game - she keeps herself busy. Whether its at the creature reserve, helping out Kettleburn and Hagrid, spending time with Rowan in the library or the common room studying. Evie doesn’t like being idle because it gives her too much time to think and dwell, and it makes her miserable.

She gets bad dreams a lot, which usually end up with Evie crawling into Rowan’s bed because she used to do the same with Jacob, and she really doesn’t want to be alone and needs the comfort. Rowan doesn’t mind, it was her suggestion in the first place when Evie finally admitted to having bad dreams and not being able to sleep after them during their 1st year.

5. How does your Jacob cope with Duncan’s death?

He doesn’t. He was in such a total state of shock when he found out that all he could do was blame himself and take the blame when the staff found out, which led to his expulsion. He locked himself away when he got home because he was still kind of in shock and was still processing what had happened, and then it turned to anger that he directed at the Cabal (and possibly R, I’m waiting on canon to see exactly how everything fits together before I decide if he’s biding his time with them).

He ran away, partly to protect his family from everything he was caught up in, but also because he wanted to avenge Duncan’s death. Ofc a lot of this depends on what we find in the Portrait Vault and anything we learn in future, but if Jacob isn’t in the Vault (which I doubt, and I think Olivia has maybe been posing as Jacob to use MC to free herself) then he’s likely hunting down those responsible for everything that happened to him and his friends. He’s kind of living out his dream of being an Auror. He just does it illegally.

So yeah, he’s not coping.

8. Does your MC have any sentimental items?

Her earring, made from one her mum’s Animgus form’s feathers (a raven, like Evie herself). Kara gave it to her at Platform Nine and Three Quarters as a good luck charm, and Evie would never part with it. Not willingly anyway :)

She also has a necklace given to her by her dad which is enchanted with a warding spell meant to offer her some magical protection during her time at school. He’d rather she not need it, but he knows better than most that it’s better to be safe than sorry. 

9. Does your Jacob have any sentimental items?

He was given an earring on his first day, just like Evie was, but he doesn’t like to wear it because the feather bothered him when it tickled his face. Nowadays he keeps the feather itself in a locket because he worries it would get in the way, but he wants it close anyway.

He was bought a pocket watch for his 17th birthday which he keeps with him at all times as well, and the jacket he wears in Knockturn Alley was one that Adam bought him for his birthday. He made a couple of modifications (like adding the hood and casting magical extension charms on the pockets), and its gotten a little scuffed and worn over the last couple of years, but he takes very good care of it.