#I'm in a shit ton of pain and I can't do anything about it

[onesaltysir]

I am not liable for my online activity tonight

[ladykailitha]

Love is Kind

All of the stories I was reading today were sad Steve and it made me cry so I wrote happy Steve to make me feel better.

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @emly03

***

Jeana looked down at the purple water lilies in Steve's hand in distaste.

"Water lilies?" she asked, frowning. "Not red roses?"

Steve looked at her in confusion. "Yeah, your favorite flower in your favorite color."

"Yeah," she agreed, reluctantly taking the flowers. "But red roses are more romantic for Valentine's Day."

Steve went from wilting in disappointment to her reaction, to standing up straight with a spine of steel. "Oh I get it now." He took bouquet back from her forcefully. "Yeah, we're done."

Jeana's eyes went wide. "You're breaking up with me on Valentine's Day over a bunch of flowers?"

"No, Jeana," he said coldly. "We're done because you didn't tell me you wanted red roses. I assumed that the cheaper more personal water lilies would be the perfect thing for Valentine's Day."

Jeana winced.

"Ohhh..." Steve said, "I get it now. You wanted the Harrington money." He rubbed his fingers together. "Despite the fact that I work at a book store. That I told you when we first started going out that I had been kicked out."

Jeana rolled her eyes. "You still wore nice clothes and had fancy hair products in your bathroom, like I was supposed to believe that obvious lie?"

"I save for those!" Steve hissed. "I can't use anything else for my hair, I've tried. And yeah, so sue me for buying something nice once in a while."

She peeked around him to see the table was set with romantic candles and another bouquet of water lilies. "You weren't even going to take me out to eat?"

Steve tossed the flowers on the counter behind him. "Why else would I have you come here instead of picking you up?"

Jeana threw her arms in the air. "I thought you were supposed to be this Romeo, this Casanova."

Steve's nostrils flared. "Out!"

She stomped her foot and crossed her arms. "I'm not going anywhere until we talk this through!"

"There is nothing to talk about," Steve said, spinning her around and pushing her toward the door. "You were expecting me to shell out a shit ton of money on you, money you thought I was hiding from you. It's clear you were never interested in me, only the money and prestige the Harrington name brought you."

He opened the door and shoved her through it. "Goodbye."

He slammed the door behind her and gripped his hair tightly. Not enough to pull but just enough to feel pain at pressure of his tugging.

Now he had dinner that was about to be ready in ten minutes, no girlfriend, and a dessert he had slaved over all day.

He needed to call someone to share this with. Robin was doing Valentine's with Vickie so she was out.

Then his eyes lit up. He knew exactly who to call.

He walked over to the phone and dialed.

"Hello, Munson's Funeral Parlor, you tag 'em, we bag 'em," the warm baritone came through the line.

"Eddie!" Steve said with a giggle.

"Stevie!" Eddie greeted back. "To what to I owe this pleasure?"

"How goes your anti-consumerism night in?" Steve asked, avoiding Eddie's question.

"Eh..." Eddie said. "Could be better. I'm watching violent movies to make myself feel less lonely."

Steve chewed on his bottom lip. "I have a warm lasagna, fresh breadsticks, and a nice bottle of wine and suddenly sans a girlfriend if you wanted to have some company."

"What happened with Jeana?" Eddie asked.

Steve sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "She didn't want me, she wanted the Harrington money, the King Steve charm, and a Casanova, not Steve Harrington who works at a queer little book shop in the middle of town."

"Well, fuck her," Eddie said. "Her loss. You bet I'll be there, sweetheart. Just give me time to put on my shoes and I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thanks, Eds."

*

Steve opened the door a few minutes later to find that Eddie somehow had found sunflowers in the middle of fucking winter.

“Where are on earth did you find these, Eds?” Steve asked, breathing in the scent of his favorite flower.

Eddie tapped his nose knowingly. He spotted the water lilies in the vase on the table and dumped them in the trash. He replaced them with Steve’s sunflowers.

“There, that livens up the place better,” he said, turning to Steve, “don’cha think?”

Steve smiled back at him. “Yeah it really does.”

He went and made up their plates as Eddie opened the wine. He set them down on the table while Eddie filled their glasses. Steve trotted back to the kitchen and pulled out the breadsticks that were warming in the oven. He put them in a nice basket a covered them with a towel. He set them on the table between Eddie and him.

“This looks fantastic, Stevie,” Eddie murmured and dug into the lasagna. “Ooh. This is better than fantastic. This is divine.”

Steve hurried to take a sip of his wine to hide the flush of pleasure at the compliment that dusted his cheeks. And judging from the smirk on Eddie’s face, he hadn’t been successful at all.

“So what were you watching before I interrupted you?” he asked, blush still staining his cheeks.

“Chinatown.”

Steve grimaces. “That is pretty violent. A little depressing too.”

Eddie shrugged, stabbing another bite of lasagna. “Was kind of the point. Didn’t want anything happy or romantic today.”

Steve picked up his glass and held up to Eddie. “I’ll drink to that.”

Eddie laughed, but clinked their glasses together and drank when Steve did.

They polished off all of the breadsticks, all of the wine, and about half of the lasagna. Steve put the leftovers in the fridge.

“You want a soda or something?” he called from the door of the fridge.

“I’ll take a beer if you have one,” Eddie called back from the sofa.

Steve grabbed two beers and handed one of the cans to Eddie.

“I thought you preferred bottles, babe,” Eddie said, popping open the can.

“I do,” Steve muttered darkly. ���They were Jeana’s.”

Eddie cackled. “Here’s to stealing your ex’s shitty beer!”

Steve laughed too. “Cheers!”

Eddie went over to Steve’s record player and put on some Metallica he’d left over here and then flopped back on the sofa next to Steve.

“Thanks for coming over,” Steve murmured over the screaming riffs of Master of Puppets. “Rob is over at Vickie’s tonight and didn’t want to ruin her Valentine’s day, too.”

Eddie smiled softly. “And since I refuse to participate in the rampant consumerism of the day, there would be nothing for you to ruin.”

Steve chuckled. “That and you’re my best friend. I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d want to spend it with.”

This time it was Eddie’s turn to blush and he shoved a lock of hair in front of his face to hide the redness of his cheeks. He pushed playfully at Steve’s shoulder. “Fuck off. I’m sure there are lots of people you could have called that would have come running.”

“Rob was first pick,” Steve said, “you were second. I mean it, Eds. I wanted to share everything I’d done for her with you instead.”

Eddie’s blush reached his ears and stained the column of his throat. “You keep that shit up and this boy is going to start thinking impure thoughts.”

Steve blinked for a moment before he laughed. It wasn’t a harsh or hurtful laugh. It was bright and cheerful. “You put out on the first date, Eds?”

Eddie who was starting to think he’d taken it a step too far, stared up at Steve in amazement. He got his wits back fast enough to quip, “Only if they’re pretty enough.”

Steve ducked his head and scratched the back of his neck trying to hide his embarrassment. Well maybe that was the wrong word. Charmed. He was fucking charmed.

“You think I’m pretty?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Eddie raised Steve’s chin with his finger. “The prettiest boy I’ve ever seen, Stevie.”

Steve gulped. “And if I told you that I’ve had the biggest crush on you for so long?”

“Then I would ask why we aren’t dating, sweetheart,” Eddie murmured, leaning in close.

Steve let out a shuddering sigh. “Because I didn’t think I was an option for you.”

Eddie half knelt on the sofa, cupping his face in his hands. “You are my number one option, honey. Just say the word and I’m yours.”

“Mine.”

Eddie grinned and then kissed Steve gently on the lips. He pulled back after a moment. “This isn’t just because you’re lonely on Valentine’s Day, right?”

Steve pulled Eddie onto his lap and brushed their noses together. “No, baby. She was only ever a placeholder for you. And a piss poor one at that. She never loved me for me. Not like you.”

Eddie chuckled. “And what makes you think I love you, pretty boy?”

“Because you knew I would be sad and brought me sunflowers.”

Eddie kissed Steve fiercely. “You are too clever for your own good, honey. Yes, that is exactly why I brought them. Because I didn’t want you to be sad. Because I wanted you to feel loved.”

“And I do,” Steve murmured. “I love you, too. So so much.”

“Good.”

They resumed kissing. It was darker. Deeper. More potent. Eddie could write songs and poems and books filled with the love he felt for this man and finding out that he felt the same.

All the bookstores and libraries in all the world couldn’t begin to fill the amount of pages Eddie would need to even try and convey how he felt in that moment.

But it could be summed up in one word.

Ecstasy.

Just pure ecstasy.

*

Robin wasn’t sure if it could be called a walk of shame when she had told Steve that she would be spending the night at Vickie’s, but walking into their shared apartment after the wild sex they had had last night she did feel a little silly.

She stopped short when she saw who was in her kitchen making breakfast in Steve’s track pants.

“Eddie?” she squeaked.

Eddie looked up at her with a grin. “Welcome home, Bucksters! If you haven’t eaten yet, pull up a chair and grab a stack of pancakes. I’ve made plenty.”

“You’re not Jeana,” Robin said stupidly.

“Nope.”

“Steve would never cheat,” she said, again trying to figure this out.

“Nope.”

“You two are a couple now?” Robin asked, her brain still in first gear.

“Yup!”

Just then a very sleep rumpled Steve came wandering out of his bedroom and latched on to Eddie. “I missed you.” He kissed Eddie’s neck.

Eddie kissed his temple. “Sorry, sweetness. I got hungry.”

“Mhmm..” he muttered. “Does smell good.”

“Morning, dingus.” Robin crossed her arms in front of her chest. “You want to tell what this is about?”

Steve looked over at her and gave her a dopey smile. “Jeana sucked. Only wanted the Harrington money and not me. Called Eddie over to make me less sad. He brought me sunflowers and made me very happy.”

Robin looked over at Eddie who half shrugged around a clingy Steve. “That’s the gist of it.”

“Got it,” she said. “I’m happy for you both.”

She grabbed a plate and pilled on the pancakes, with Steve releasing Eddie to do the same.

As the three of them sat down and ate Eddie’s pancakes, Steve smiled happily to himself.

He was with the two people he loved most in all the world and he wouldn’t change a thing.

***

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[ftmtftm]

Do you really think its more plausable that a TERF knows the specific details of the Baeddel discourse so well that they can craft the perfect copypasta that refrences all the nuances of internal trans discourse (which I'm sorry but they don't really understand anything about our community) in such a way as to be the maximum level of offensive to the other side than the alternative, that there exists on this site a trans man capable of sexually harassing trans women who disagree with him? I

Are all trans mascs sexual harassers? obviously not. Are you responsible for that guy's actions in any way? No not at all. But I find the inistance that any sexual misconduct or transmisogyny purported to be from a trans masc is an outsider troll to be very off putting from the perspective of a trans woman. I think there is a problem of trans women being treated like sex objects by the broader trans community, (enby's trans mascs etc). The problem will never be resolved if we can't even aknowledge it exists without getting shouted down.

Yes actually because that is what Radfems on Tumblr do and have done and will continue to do for literally the entire time I've been on Tumblr.

Just being completely clear - I mentioned this already but to be extra extra clear - It was not even my original idea that it was probably a Radfem and I've directly said that. I honestly thought it was probably one of the trans guys that white knights extremely hard against the idea of transandrophobia trying to cause shit because of the typing style.

It was in fact my trans fem ex-gf and current very close friend who I still live with, who suggested to me that she thought it was a Radfem. And you know?

Her reasoning combined with my experiences with TERFs actively trying to recruit my friends and I into Radical Feminism because we're actively Feminist trans mascs - it would make a ton of sense.

You have probably not experienced this because you are not a trans masc, but there is absolutely a subgroup of Radfems on this website that try very hard to learn about trans infighting as a way to target trans mascs for recruitment.

Trans masculine people have HUGE targets on our back for Radfem recruitment on this website. It's something I've literally personally seen people fall into and detransition for. Radblr actively loves to target vulnerable, politically vocal trans mascs as recruitment targets, especially doing so by trying to pit us against each other, especially by trying to pit us and trans women against each other.

It's scary as hell. It's also not a new thing by any means. Like, "This has been happening consistently at least since 2015" level of not a new thing. So, I've learned to become very aware of it because I'm a trans masc who is a Feminist advocate who actively studies the history and tactics of Radical Feminism in order to protect myself and other trans people from it.

I'm also sorry, but there was literally an anon like that that went around trans masculine blogs a few months ago. Exactly the same premise but flipped in a "transandrodorks need to be fixed by being impregnated with girlcock" kind of deal. There was an almost immediate "we need to assume this isn't actually a trans fem and assume that it is a troll" response both internally and externally. If any of us had assumed it was actually a trans fem in the same way and projected our pain at trans fems in the same way this is getting projected onto trans mascs...? Could you imagine? The double standard would be insane.

I know this is something coming from a place of our own hurt, but where the hell was any of our support during that? What were we supposed to do besides assume that it was probably a troll? Like those are hypotheticals without real answers, but come on? You know?

Of course anything is possible. No one knows who that anon actually was. And it is an issue the way trans women are sexualized by the community, especially right now on Tumblr. It deserves to be addressed. But not in the weeds like this.

I believe what I believe based on what I know and the thoughts and feelings of people I trust. You can dislike that, you can even disagree with that, but a stranger coming into my askbox with a condescending tone isn't really going to contest my lived experiences or the shared opinion of someone I've known for the better part of a decade that easily.

[adams-angels]

I want to see my man in pain, Adam break down after reader said they want to break up (fluff in the end pls) 😞

I reaaaally enjoyed writing this

I love pain 🥹

💖 Please send me requests! Send me your own headcanons! I will draw! I'm obsessed rn!💖

Used

Adam POV

It was a normal night. Out talking to some babes. Tellin' them how great I am. Because, well, I AM! HA! I'm the first fucking man! These bitches swarm me. Who am I to deny them. I check my phone a see y/n has text me. "Ugh, what do you want now you needy fuckin'" I can't believe what I'm reading.

"we're done."

My heart sinks. Why is it sinking. I don't care. I'm fucking ADAM!! Adam stands, pushing away the crowd of angels surrounding him and tries calling you. "Come on.. come on, pick up, you dumb bitch." No answer. NO FUCKING ANSWER. His head spins. Panic sets in as. This isn't happening. Not again.

You think you're better than me?! You're nothing! I'm Adam!! I can get ANYONE I FUCKING WANT YOU THINK I NEED YOU?!

I'VE GOT TONS OF BITCHES WAITING FOR ME!

I DONT NEED YOU I NEVER NEEDED YOU!

He tries calling you again. No answer. "FUCK!" He expands his wings and shoots up, smashing through the skylight. He continues to text and call as he makes his away to your apartment. "FUCKING ANSWER ME!" He screams into his phone. By the time he arrives at your apartment he calms himself down, "I can get them back." He thinks to himself as he lands on your balcony. "They didn't mean it. They couldn't of."

As he reaches for the handle of the sliding door his hand shakes. "No, no, no, no." He grips onto his wrist stepping back from the door, being stopped my the railing. He slides down to the floor. "No, no, no...." His voice cracks, fear, sadness, anger. He never let himself get close. At least that's what he told himself. After the second wife also betrayed him he swore he'd never care so he would never hurt. But somewhere along the way, he fell for you. Although he denied himself.

He rushed to remove his mask, feeling like he can't breathe. Once he got it off he threw it aside. Clutching at his chest as tears escaped from his eyes. "No, no, no.." he whimpered. He sat on the floor for an hour. Thinking about you. What he did wrong. If he did something terrible. Why you're ending it. There wasn't even anything to end and yet his world felt like it was crashing around him.

Once he calmed down he leaned forward and sighed. Wiping his cheeks as he stood up and put his mask back on. He reached for the handle, hesitating before opening the sliding door. He sees you in your bed, asleep. He closed the door quietly and just watched you. For about half an hour before he realised how much a creep he's being. He walked into your livingroom. He's been here plenty times before. He memorized the layout.

He walks over to one of your succulents. You loved them. Once he came over and accidentally knocked one on the floor. You were so upset. He didn't see the big deal but he still went out of his way to buy you a new pot for it and a new succulent altogether. Just something to say he was sorry without actually saying sorry. He smiled as he remembered your joy. He sat on the couch and waited.

A couple hours later he heard rustling in your room. He shot up from the couch and heading to your bedroom, freezing at the doorway as he sees you wake. You scream in surprise, falling off your bed. He noticed your phone falling off the nightstand with you. His chest tightens. Your phone. Those horrible texts. "Adam?! What the hell are you doing in my apartment?!" You yell at him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

He stands there, feeling awkward. "You want to leave me?" He asked, trying hard to not break his voice. You tut, he watches at you stand, wanting to help but to afraid to move. "You say that like you cared." You snap, picking your phone up from the floor. "Don't look at that." He took a step towards you, reaching out but you recoiled. "Why? You next me nasty shit? Telling me I'm worthless? That I was lucky to -" he interrupted, "y/n, I'm sorry. I just want to know what I did wrong."

Adam braces himself. For you to yell. For you to scream. For you to tell him you love someone else. "I just... I can't... I don't want to be a place holder for you." His shoulders slump down he hesitantly steps closer to you "What are you talking about?" He carefully slides his hand under yours "I don't want to be someone you just use until you find someone better." His fingers interlace with your as his other hand brushes your hair from you face. His breath catches seeing your red, watery eyes "I just want to be... I don't know, Adam."

His hand cups your face. He looks into your eyes and for the first time in eons he chose to be vulnerable. "Be mine?" He watches you shrug. Rightfully assuming you've misunderstood his request he clarifies "no, I'm asking. Be mine." The way you look at him makes his chest tighten in fear. "What?" He recoiled. "I mean, maybe we could start again? Like.. properly?"

"You mean like.. date? What happened to "I don't date. I'm the first man. I have the first penis ever bla bla!"" He glares at you. Of course you'd remember that. "I don't sound like that." "You do." Adam brow furrows in in frustration. "Whatever, y/n, please. I can't lose you. I don't want to lose you. Please don't leave me." He felt pathetic. He was pathetic. "I'll have to think about it." His chest tightened. His heart beating a million miles a minute. You'd see how pale he would be if he wasn't wearing the mask. "H-how long will that take?" He asked, desperation leaking out of him.

"I don't know, Adam." You shrug. The air was thick. He was struggling to breath and needed to get out of there. "I really care about you, y/n. You have to believe me, babe." He kisses your hand before releasing it. "Just.. uh... Delete those texts. I didn't mean any of it." He heads to the sliding door he entered from, opening it and expanding his wings as he jumps off. He looks behind to see if you watched leave like you've done so maybe times before. But you're not there.

It's been a month. A whole month. It should feel like nothing to him considering how long he's been in existence yet it feels like a years. He sees you about. With your friends. Getting groceries. Whenever his eyes catch on to you he freezes. No matter what he's doing.

He can't keep this up. He didn't want to pressure you. Make you feel like you had to choose him. But fuck he needed you to choose him. He was in his office. But he couldn't focus. He was so tired, not being able to sleep well without you. Even if he didn't sleep the whole night it was always nice knowing you were there no matter what. At least that's what he used to think.

He checked his phone to see nothing from you. It was too much. He was alone. You were never coming back. No one ever comes back. Lilith left him. Eve left him. Now you. "Fuck. FUCK!" He picks up his coffee and punts it at the wall. He can't stay here. He needs to find you. He needs you back.

He swung the door open and there you were. He couldn't believe it. He thought you'd at least text him. Not show up at his office! His feathers were literally ruffled, his office looks like a bombs hit it. "Y/n?" He said softly, it was like time stopped for a minute. He wish it did. Then he could scoop you in his arms and never let you leave. He snapped back into reality changing his expression quickly, not want anyone to see a softer side to him. "Come in." He stands aside letting you in to his office. He hates that you didn't text. He would of cleaned up there were documents everywhere, a smashed mug on the floor and coffee stains on the wall. He hated it was such a mess for you. "Bad day?" You commented he grumbled in response. "There are no bad days in heaven." He mumbled as he slumps down on his office chair.

Resting his chin on the back of his hand as he watches you walk over to his office window, opening it. The musky smell almost dissipating immediately "So... I thought about it." He perks up, sitting straight, watching you like a hawk. "And?"

"and I'm willing to start again. Properly." He immediately bolts from his chair, wrapping his arms around you. "Fuck, thank fucking Christ. Don't do that to me again. Please." His voice breaks, wings surrounded the both of you. "Please, I'm sorry. I'll treat you so much better." "Promise?" "Yes, promise."

～⁠♡✧⁠｡ I really hope you enjoyed! I'm not a writer by any means but I appreciate any support I receive so thank you for reading! ｡✧⁠♡～⁠

[d10nyx]

silver lining

ft. leon kennedy x fem!reader

cw: 18+ content, hybrid!reader, very brief suicide mention, p in v, creampie, daddy kink, a LOT of pet names

a/n: hiii! throwing out some (kinda) fluffy smut for once lmao. mainly picturing vendetta leon, but any older leon works tbh. i'm so tired, so if you see typos, no, you don't >:[ hope you enjoy !!

word count: 1.7k words

Raccoon City was something that Leon would never forget. It's been years since the incident, and he still wakes up in a cold sweat some nights with nightmares of the things he'd seen.

It's fucked him up in more ways than one. He would have killed himself a long time ago if he was sure that Sherry would be safe. The “top secret programme” the government so lovingly initiated him into isn't the way he saw his life going - but if it kept her safe, he'd grit his teeth and bare it.

Sure, he's made his peace with it, but it doesn't make it any less difficult. He runs around like the government's personal lap dog and then comes home and drinks himself half to death. It's a routine he's gotten used to, and he doesn't plan on changing it anytime soon.

But it gets lonely. He's not a stranger to flirting with a pretty girl in the bar, but he never manages to get them to stay. He's not sure he's capable of forming a relationship anymore. Work always comes up, and no woman seems to want to stick around when he disappears for weeks or months at a time.

When he was younger, he always wanted a dog. That was another thing Raccoon City took from him. He still flinches when a dog moves too fast near him or gets too close. He's never been a cat person, either. Thinks they're grumpy bastards at the best of times.

He leaves it at that for a while. Looks like he's destined to be alone. Whatever. He's used to it by now. Or he thinks so, at least, until he starts to hear about hybrids becoming more commercially available as pets.

They've been around for a while, sure, but they were the type of exotic pet rich assholes buy to show off. He hears about the new hybrid adoption center opening in his city and spends one of his only weekends off doing a shit ton of research. He's not entirely convinced, but he figures there's no harm in taking a look. As soon as he spots you, he knows he's smitten. Bat your pretty lashes at him, and he'd do anything you asked.

You're the cutest little puppy girl he's ever seen. Fluffy ears atop your head, your tail wagging so fast behind you it's practically a blur. He doesn't even think about it when he calls a worker over, paying for you then and there. He doesn't even blink at the amount of money you cost him. He'd sell a kidney to be able to afford you if he needed it. At least the government pays well.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

It's been a few months since he brought you home with him. You were a pain in the ass at first, constantly bouncing around his apartment. Your tail was a hazard, always knocking things off his table and breaking things.

He wouldn't change it for the world, though. You've become the highlight of his day. He finds himself smiling as he opens the door to his apartment, hearing you thunder towards the front door as he walks in. He can't help but chuckle as you wrap your arms around his waist, leaning up to lick at his face.

“Alright. Easy, girl. Easy.” He says with a smile, pushing you off him and ruffling your hair as he steps past you. He shrugs off his jacket, hanging it up and settling on the couch. “I had a long day, y'know? Could at least let me through the door before you jump all over me.”

“But I missed you.” You whine as he pushes you away from him, following him closely as he moves to sit on the couch.

“Yeah, yeah. I missed you, too, pup.” Leon says with a grin, patting his lap. He waits for you to jump in his lap, leaning back comfortably. “C'mere, then. Don't you wanna come sit with daddy?”

Your tail wags lazily behind you as you shift closer, straddling his lap happily. His hands settle on your waist to tug you closer, and he rubs small circles into you with his thumb.

“Missed you.” You repeat softly, cuddling close to him.

“You’re a sweet girl.” He nuzzles his nose into your head and caresses your hair. “A good girl…” 

Leon hums quietly and his hand starts to wander along your side and up towards your chest. “And beautiful, too. Can't believe I got so lucky, baby.”

You giggle softly at that, tail wagging just a little bit faster as you press your chest into his hand, shivering as his thumb brushes your sensitive nipple over your shirt.

“D'you wanna play with me, daddy?” You ask softly, trying to press as close to him as possible. Your hips start moving on their own, rutting your aching pussy against the hard muscle of his thigh. You bury your face in his neck, inhaling his scent deeply. He always smells so good when he gets back from work, sweat clinging to his skin. 

“I just got back, baby. What's got you so worked up, huh?” He teases softly, grabbing your hips and adjusting them so you're grinding down onto his steadily hardening cock over his pants instead. He groans softly, reaching around to pet the base of your sensitive tail.

That gets a twitch and a whine from you, making the corner of his mouth tug up into a lazy smile. He rocks his hips up into you until he's fully hard and leaking.

“Alright, alright. C'mon, puppy. Let's get you to bed.” He grunts, trying to act like he isn't as desperate as you. His voice is low and gravelly, brows furrowed in concentration as he lifts you up, carrying you to the bedroom.

He plops you down on the bed, kicking his shoes off and pulling off his jacket. His hands roam your body, tugging off your clothes as he runs his palms along your curves. His eyes take you I'm greedily, his hands working to undress himself instantly.

“Fuck.” He groans as you shift on your hands and knees, ass up in the air as soon as you see his cock. His cock twitches, pre-cum leaking and staining his stomach. “Always so eager…”

All he gets is a whine and an ass wiggle in response. You lift your tail straight up, presenting your glistening pussy for his hungry eyes. “Daddy, please…”

“Yeah, yeah. I got you.” He murmurs, settling between your legs. He runs the pads of two fingers between your glistening folds, dragging them from your clit to your entrance, gathering the slick dripping from you before pushing them inside.

He thrusts them in and out a few times, letting you get used to the intrusion. Not that you need it - your pussy is always so drippy, sucking him in greedily every chance it gets. He curls his fingers, earning a low moan from you, your cute ears pressing firmly against your head.

“That's it.” He coos, repeating the action every time his fingers are half buried inside of you. “There's my good girl. You want my cock, don't you, sweet thing?”

All you can manage is to babble please repeatedly, already so desperate for him. He's not sure how he ever managed without you. You always make him feel so wanted, and not just when he's buried balls deep inside of you. It's nice. Makes an unfamiliar warmth build in his chest, something he hasn't felt since he was still a bright-eyed kid in the police academy.

“Don't worry, baby, I got what you need.” He says softly, pulling his fingers out of you and rubbing your juices onto the sheets before grabbing your hips. His breath hitches as he slides his length into your tight heat, his head tilting back in pleasure before he lets out a low moan.

He leans over you, pressing some of his weight against you as he starts to thrust slow and deep. He presses his lips to the back of your neck before leaning back, his thrusts picking up in pace.

“Such a pretty puppy.” He groans, gripping your tail to pull you back against him every time he fucks into you. The room is filled with your needy moans and the sounds of your sloppy pussy.

“Daddy…” you whine, drool spilling past your lips and onto the pillow your face is smashed against. He can feel you tightening around him, so he knows you're close. He adjusts his angle slightly so he rubs up against that sweet spot that makes you see stars every time he pushes in.

“C'mon, cum for me, pretty girl.” He grunts, hand tightening on your tail as the other slides up from your hip to your waist, giving him more leverage ti rock you back onto his cock.

“Fuck, daddy… cummin’!” You moan, your walls clenching so tight around him you almost push him out. He presses his hips against your ass and thrusts shallowly, keeping him buried deep inside of you as his tip grinds against your cervix.

His mouth hangs open as he feels you gushing all over him, his breath caught in his throat as his cock jumps and kicks against your cervix, the feeling of your pussy fluttering around him making him shoot ropes of his cum deep inside of you.

You whine softly again, slumping against the crumpled sheets. His breathing is slightly heavy as he drops his weight on you, pressing you against the bed.

You grunt at the feeling of him dropping on top of you, wriggling yourself free with a soft huff. You cuddle up to him after, ignoring the feeling of his cum leaking down your thighs. You give him a few locks to his stubble cheeks before cuddling up to him with a smile.

“Sleepy.” You huff softly, nuzzling into his neck with a content sigh, your eyes fluttering shut. He lazily wraps an arm around you, tugging you closer to him and petting your back.

“I bet. C'mon, baby. Think we deserve a nap.” He murmurs, kissing your forehead before letting his eyes shut, too.

[catmelonwriting]

Again with me! I have a lot of ideas lately😭

I hope I'm not disturbing you

I request a clingy reader(fem!reader) with Chuuya(can be incest or no, your choice), I will say headcannons or not, so basically, they get in a argument, and Chuuya hits her!!! Out of anger! *gasp* :O

And chuuya tries and will make it up to her

Can be smut!

Angst to Fluff to maybe Smut????

I'll Make It Up To You

Warnings: Fem!reader, Slight manipulation, Hurt/veryminimalcomfort, chuuya being a freaking meanie, I'm much better at hcs but I wanted to practice doing oneshots, Kinda ooc

Characters: Chuuya

A/N: ilysm you are NOT disturbing me 💯 please keep requesting!!! You give me tons of motivation. All I have on this account is smut so I just made it hurt/comfort I hope that's okay 😇😇

Your front door slams, you hear shit falling off the walls and know he must be pissed. You creep down the stairs, tip toeing over to your boyfriend, pulling him into a hug. "Not in the mood." He grumbles, pushing you off by the head.

You wince a little at the pain of him tugging your hair, but say nothing about it. "Did you have a bad day at work?" You ask gently, taking a step back. "Oh my God, can't you just leave me alone? Are you capable of that?!" He snaps, turning around, glaring daggers into your eyes. "..Chuuya.. I just wanted to make sure you're oka-" Smack!

You look up at him, and he stares down with guilty eyes. Neither of you say anything until.. "Chuuya! What the fuck!" You take another step back, trying to stop the tears welling in your eyes from falling. "What is wrong with you??" You yell, your voice squeaky.

"Doll.. I'm sorry. You know I just had a bad day at work." He sounded exasperated. Really? Over him hitting you?? You storm back up the stairs, into your shared bedroom, and lock the door behind you.

You slide down the walls, head in your hands as you contemplate everything that had just happened. Was it really your fault for bothering him? No, it couldn't have been, those ads you see on YouTube.. those billboards on the road, always say it's never the victims fault. But are you really a victim? He only hit you once.. does the really count. You sat here for a minute, your mind pacing.

Your train of thought is broken by a small knock on the door. You stand up immediately to open the door, but you stand in the way of letting him in. He looked guilty, genuinely, really guilty. "Baby girl.. I'm sorry.. I just-" you cut him off. "Yeah, you fucking should be!" You yell, the tears starting to fall from your eyes. "..Isn't that a bit.. dramatic?" He groans.

"Dramatic? You're calling me dramatic now?" You scoff, staring at him in the eye. He sighs. "Bunny.. you know that's not what I meant, please, just let me make it up to you." Bunny, Doll, Babygirl, you were fucking tired of it.

"Stop with the fucking pet names you cunt! I'm pissed at you and you're calling me baby girl?!" You can't help but laugh. You're so angry and it's not funny but you just can't stop laughing. "What is wrong with you?" You ask, watching a pang of guilt in his eyes, "Ill.. um.. ill give you some more time." You swear you could hear his voice getting all squeaky and high pitched too, but you didn't comment on it.

You sat on your bed, contemplating the meaning of your existence, when you check your phone. It had been two hours since he came up to check on you, two hours since you made him feel shittier than he made you. You felt like such a terrible person.

You get off your bed, slowly opening the door and creeping downstairs to the living room where Chuuya is sitting on the couch with a glass of wine and a book. He looked.. unbothered. Meanwhile you had tears and mascara streaming down your face.,

"Chuuya?" You whimper, he looks up, sighs and looks back down at his book, patting the couch next to him. "Come sit down." He mumbles, turning the page. You practically run over to the couch, digging your face into his side, he wraps his arm around your curled body as he sighs and puts the book down, keeping the wine.

"..I'm sorry. What I did was not right. There's no excuse for me to hit you like that." You hear his voice shaking, and you know he feels guilty. "It's okay.." you can't tell if you're telling the truth. You don't know whether it's okay. Can it ever be okay? "I'm sorry too.. for yelling at you and calling you a cunt." You sniffle, feeling, embarrassed? You felt overdramatic, like you needed to stop making a big deal out of such a little thing. It wasn't his fault, he was just stressed.

"Don't stress it." He sighs, leaning back into the couch. "I love you." He mumbles, and you mutter it right back, just like always. "I love you." That was true. And you knew that, and that's all that mattered. You two love each other and sometimes people in love make mistakes. Just keep telling yourself that.

"I'll make it up to you sweets." He mumbles, putting his glass down and laying his head on top of yours. "It's gonna be okay, I won't let this happen again." It feels like he's talking to himself more than you, but you still appreciate the sentiment.

"I love you." You whisper, one more time, before falling into a deep, well needed sleep.

[pablitogaviobsessed]

Hii! I was wondering if you could write this little story idea I had? It’s about Gavi’s childhood bestfriend, who he has always been in love with, and one day they get into a big fight and he accidentally confesses his feelings for her. Feel free to change anything about this if you like!

Ps.: I love your writing! Looking forward to reading what you’ll do with this idea!💗

I'll tell you quickly: Englishisnotmyfirstlanguagethanksforunderstanding<3

warnings: swearing

Accidental confess

You and Gavi were childhood best friends. Back then the two of you played a lot, especially football. Gavi has always admired you and thought you are pretty. He even told you this accidentaly when the two of you were kicking the ball.

Back then

"Y/N! Catch the ball!" he kicked the ball towards you but you weren't ready and it hit your face. You started to cry. "Y/N!!" he ran to you. "I'm so sorry I don't wanted to kick your pretty face." and he started to caress your face to make the pain go away.

Well actually it was a cute idea but didn't help too much.

And now here you are, arguing with him because he doesn't want you to go on that date.

-"Please, I'm begging you, don't go on that date. Pedri and the guys know him and he's just using girls for only a one night stand." Gavi was trying to convince you for now at least 30 minutes. You were talking with this guy for a few weeks and he doesn't seem that kind of person to you.

"Pablo, we aren't kids anymore, you don't have to protect me I can make my own decisions. And anyway why do you even care about MY dates when you have tons of girls to choose? I think you should be worried about your love life." you were a bit jerk with Gavi. You didn't even understand why doesn't he dating any of those girls.

"I AM worried about my love life." he walked closer to you. "Look Y/N. Please, don't go." he puts his hands on your shoulders. "I just want the best for you and that guy won't give you any love. Please, cancelle it." he was now a bit more calm than earlier but you swept his hands off and turned around.

"I don't care about your opinion. I want to go on that date and I will go on that date." you said while you were walking towards the door.

"At least please change your clothes to something less revealing!" he grabbed your wrist.

"Oh so now you're saying I'm dressing like a whore?" you shouted at him.

"I'm not saying that, you're not a whore at all." he denied your statement.

"But you just said to me." you take off his hand.

"But you're still not a whore Y/N! Fuck! Why can't you just listen to me? I don't want you to go on that date because the guy is an asshole and he will hurt you for sure. I know him, Pedri knows him, Balde knows him even Ansu knows him and we all know that he is a fucking piece of shit. I want to protect you from him." he's got really angry at you. "I don't care, you're not going anywhere."

"Excuse me? Who the hell are you to tell me what to do?" you shouted at him again but now you were really angry. He should support you not being against you.

"I'm your childhood best friend and I'm the only one who know what you need and what you deserve." he walked to the door and locked it.

"Pablo what the he-" you started but he interupted you.

"Y/N shut up! I know that guy will hurt you and that's a fact." he put the keys into his pocket.

"Jesus, why are you even care so much about this date? Its not even yours." you crossed your hands in front of your chest.

"Because I love you, you idiot. I don't want to see you crying because of that dickhead and saying "I've told you". I just want the best for you and I want you to be loved not just used for a night. You don't deserve just a fun night, you deserve someone who will loves you for the rest of your life and be there for you no matter what. Someone who will treat you like a princess and gives you everything you want and I can do those thing for you." he told you but he didn't even realize what he said.

"You love me?" you asked him back, completely shocked.

"What?" he looked at you, confused.

"You just said you care about this date so much because you love me." he immediately blushed when you repeated his words.

"You know what, drop it. You can go if you want to. Feel free to do whatever you want to do." Pablo walked back to the door. "There you go." he opened the door. "Have a good date Y/N." he felt so horrible right now. He felt like he messed up his friendship with you. He shouldn't told you this. "Even if I accidentaly confessed to you it's not gonna change the fact that you're want to go on this date and you even like this guy. Then go. Call me if something bad happens." you walked to the door but you didn't go outside. You closed the door. Gavi gave you a confused look. "Now you don't want to go?" he asked with a little hope in his eyes.

"Look I need to be honest with you after this." you looked into his eyes. "I was in love with you and I think I'm still in love with you." you started to take off your earrings. "But you never gave me any signs of loving me back and since you're famous and all of the girls started to fall in love with you I didn't even think I have a chance with you anymore." you took off your shoes as well. "I just wanted to get rid of the fact that you're not interested in me, so I decided to distract myself with somebody else. But now I see it's a fucking bad idea." you walked closer to Gavi and gave him a hug. You felt his heart was racing like yours. "I don't want to go on that date. Now I know you love me and that's all that I need. I want to be with you tonight." he pulled away from the hug.

"Are you serious?" he wanted to stay calm but you saw his smile is growing.

"Yes, I'm serious. I want to spend this night with you." he was so happy right now, he couldn't hold back his smile anymore. "So, what about we stay at home and watch a movie? As a date."

"I would be the happiest in the world if we were do this." he tucked a piece of your hair behind your ears.

"Then it's settled." you gave him a quick kiss on his cheek. "I'm gonna change my dress for something comfortable, until you can choose a movie." you were about to go back to your room when he grabbed your wrist.

"Wait, I have something to do." he pulled you closer to him, grabbed your face and kissed your lips. When the two of you pulled away both of you were a blushing mess. "Now you can go."

"Thank you for letting me change." you laughed and walked back to you room to change your clothes. When you were finished you went to the living room and saw that Pablo already chose a movie. He even made popcorn.

"Are you ready?" he asked while you sit down next to him and cuddled him.

"I'm always ready to watch a movie." you said and he pressed the play button.

During the movie

"You know what I'm thinking about?" he looked at you.

"Are you even paying attention to the movie?" you asked him with your mouth filled with popcorn.

"I am but you know what I'm thinking about? you shook your head. "That I'm so lucky. I was the only one who saw you in that dress and even kissed you. I don't even know why did you think I would like those girls. You're much more beautiful then them" you blushed and turn your head back to the TV screen. "Looks like someone is blushing." he was about to kiss you but you turned his head back to the movie. He was a bit sad and you noticed it. His sad eyes was your weakness. You gave in so you turned back his head and gave him a quick kiss on his lips.

"Now really watch the movie." you said not knowing the consiquences of your action. He said a simple "no", stopped the movie and start to kiss you more and more.

"Only if you knew how much I waited for this. I'm not gonna watch that movie when I can kiss you all night." he grabbed your hands and start to kiss you again.

Well, let's say the movie stayed unfinished because Gavi was busy kissing your lips the whole night.

[ellestray]

Burden.

Han x gender neutral reader. Angsty fluff. Implied idol!au. Friends to lovers. 826 words.

!! Very small implicit mention of depression.

Note: this is my first fic ever & i'm stepping out of my comfort zone by posting it- i hope you'll like it! i'd be very happy to take any constructive criticism :) also, english isn't my first language, so i apologise for any mistake. thank you for reading! & thank you to the wonderful, talented @astraystayyh for encouraging me and giving me advice 🤍

recommended playlist: from this place - John Pizzarelli there's no such thing as love. nevertheless, - Jeong Eun Park & Park Jungeun non è la fine - Yiruma

"Do you ever wonder how we got here?"

You don't really know if Han is thinking of your respective careers, or your bond that blurred the lines between simple comradeship and romance— but it doesn't matter. Your answer would've been the same anyway.

You acquiesce. "Yeah."

Frankly, he doesn't know what exactly he's asking you about either. It's too late to think about it, anyway. But in this moment, sitting down on the cold floor of the practice room, he can only feel the warmth radiating from your near body. Maybe this very moment is what he's inquiring about.

"It doesn't matter how we got here, honestly. I'm just glad we're here." You add, flashing him a smile in the reflection of the mirror facing you. Seeing this interaction from a third party perspective makes him smile as well. His friends were right; you do look good together.

Since when had your existence become so bright to him, who's so used to darkness? It's like the sun had graced him with its presence, letting him know that it'll be okay. It'll all be okay, as long as you shine.

He wasn't sure how to convey this to you, though.

You've both been fully aware what you have is more than a simple friendship. Lingering touches and long stares were your way of telling each other that you knew. Nonetheless, irrational fears have always kept you from speaking it out. You both are somewhat cynical, dreading the ultimate end before anything had even started.

But the serenity he feels in this moment helps him forget the end could even exist.

"Shouldn't we talk about it?"

This time, you know exactly what he's thinking of.

"I don't know. Should we? We're fine like this." You sigh quietly. You had always been scared of this moment coming, where he's made his mind up, lost patience, or just needs answers from you.

"I mean, we can't just keep playing games forever."

You frown, upset he'd take this lightly. "This isn't a game to me."

"I know, to me neither", he quickly answers. "But we're acting like it. We can't- I can't physically act like you're mine while verbally acting like we're nothing. It hurts."

"Jisung-" You try to interject, but promptly get interrupted.

"We push and pull as if we had an eternity ahead of us. Y/n, we can't wait for each other forever. Waiting always leads to something. There needs to be a moment where the wait stops, and you're finally faced with what you've been expecting."

You stay quiet. It happened a few times before- Han trying to let you know, or at least implying he needed more. He's never been so direct, though, fearing screwing things up by being too blunt. This is new.

"Just me saying this should be enough to halt the wait. I'm crossing the line." He continues, turning to face you, rather than your reflection. "But why does it feel like we're still stuck?"

You allow yourself to take a moment to think, and he lets you. He always does. Even with all this wait talk, he still remains patient. It's almost frustrating.

"You know there's a shit ton of things that are blockages. For... you and I." You look down, trying to internally deal with your nerves.

"Tell me what they are. We can just get rid of them together." His voice is so soft, so quiet it's painful.

We. Together. You might implode if he keeps referring to the both of you as a singular entity.

"There's our careers. We're both drowning in work. Besides, if we get caught, what will people say?"

"If we have time to be friends, we have time to be lovers. We can make time for each other like we always have."

Lovers. That hit you like a ton of bricks.

"And, 'besides', I don't recall you ever caring about people's opinions. You know I don't care either", he resumes. "What's really holding you back, y/n?"

Of course, he could see through you. There's absolutely no point in not being straightforward.

"It's just... Those feelings, they're so unique and overwhelming, it's like they're crushing me. I'm suffocating, I can't keep suppressing them— but I don't know how to deal with them, or how to express them. And, if I'm being honest, I genuinely don't think I'll be able to live if something happens to us because of how much I'm lacking."

"You can learn. That's what love is all about, growing and learning together."

Love. He said it.

"You don't get it, Ji. You deserve for love to be at your image. Loud, prideful, genuine. You deserve someone that will always make you feel as special as you are and.. deeply, intensely loved. I've never had to express those things, and I don't have much room to. I just don't know how to do that."

"Then let me. I'll carry the burden of expressing our feelings."

[acourtofchaos]

Currently having so many ideas and thanks to them all whirring about in my brain, I can't decide what to actually sit down and write first, so I'm gonna write a little description of each (apologies because I absolutely suck at summaries) and then leave it up to a poll because why not 🤷‍♀️

IDEA #1

Mattheo Riddle x F!Reader / Tom Riddle x F!Reader. Set a little while after the war when the world seems to be returning back to normal. But peace doesn't last and the Riddle brothers have been keeping secrets from you about rumours that are swirling to do with Voldemort's followers not entirely being gone. It all comes to light in the worst possible way when the three of you are attacked and Mattheo sacrifices himself to save you and his brother. As months go by and you remain drowning in your grief whilst Tom grows utterly possessed by grief and revenge, the only solace you find is with each other which eventually leads to something neither of you could have ever expected and complicates everything when your investigations into the rogue ex death eaters lead you to a shocking discovery. Mattheo is still alive.

IDEA #2

Mattheo Riddle x F!Reader. When you are asked by the order to spy on Mattheo and he is told to spy on you by his father, the two of you forced to put aside your hatred for each other in order to fulfill your tasks. But just how close are the two of you willing to get to the other in order to be successful and will the fragile feelings that begin to bloom, despite convincing yourselves its still all fake, be able to survive when the lies you've built them on come to light?

IDEA #3

Theodore Nott x Lestrange!Reader. Rivals since you were kids, you and Theo have never been capable of doing anything except butt heads. But times are changing and the world is growing dark, on the very precipice of a war that neither of you want to be part of but you've been signed up to since you were born. When the pressure to become the perfect soldiers your parents expect you to be will you both break and lose yourselves or will you find salvation and the will to fight back in the very person who had always prayed to see your downfall?

IDEA #4

Lorenzo Berkshire x F!Reader. This one is mainly vibes atm but best friends to lovers with a shit ton of pining, drunken kisses that they insist mean nothing (lies), a first love confession that goes horrifically wrong and some angst and miscommunication before they get the second confession perfectly right.

IDEA #5

Tom Riddle x F!Reader. Smut smut smut. I basically got inspired by the song sucker for pain and imagined a scenario where you and Tom are in a relationship where you deliberately piss each other off and make each other jealous just so the other one will ruin them. Like imagine Tom thinking he has the upper hand in this scenario constantly because if you piss him off he gets to ruin you and if he pisses you off he still gets to ruin you because there's no way you'll be able to ruin him right? You won't be able to make beg. There's no way you won't break first and end up begging him to fuck you because no matter what you do, the man has immaculate restraint and he would never lower himself to begging anyone for anything. Even you.

Oh how wrong he is.

IDEA #6

Mattheo Riddle x F!Reader. Smut smut smut. Despite breaking up, you and Mattheo just can't seem to stay away from each other.

Inspired by maroon 5's animals

IDEA #7

Mattheo Riddle x F!Reader. Smut smut smut. Best friend Mattheo being jealous as fuck of the guys you keep wasting your time with and being determined to prove to you that he knows you better and could treat you way better than any of them ever could.

[metalheadsforblacklivesmatter]

I advise you not seek this content out. There's a reason I'm not linking it. It's full of abelism and gaslighting. But I just want to show you what I'm about to rant about because this woman is claiming chronic illness doesn't exist and women specifically are faking to get a diagnosis for attention. And she's claiming this is a mental health issue.

As a disabled person, I need to rant.

The first time I got a migraine. I was 10 years old. They were near constant. I know exactly how old I was because when I went to the doctor, he said it was probably the braces shifting the bones in my skull. They were called just headaches.

If you've ever had a migraine, you would understand that if you were experiencing this much pain, and you were told there was a way to make it stop, you GRAB that shit. I had my braces removed before my jaw was finished straightening because I shouldn't have had braces in the first place and my baby teen started falling out (very late, I know).

And when my adult teeth came in, I BEGGED my doctor to not give me braces again. And remember what I said earlier. If you're experiencing migraine level symptoms and you were told there was a way to make it stop. You grab that chance. Yes, my teeth are still fucked up. Yes, this leads to me dealing with chronic jaw pain.

You don't get how much pain I was in just... all the fucking time. My parents had to carry large bottles of advil with them at all times. Some of my earliest memories is being at a restaurant and my mom being like "I know this is weird but do you have any advil? I forgot to refill the bottle and my daughter is in too much pain to eat". Just from the migraine.

I was taking adult doses of pain meds with my doctors telling me to alternate Advil and Tylenol every 2 hours at the age of 10 (most meds say not for children under 12). Because migraine was not a diagnosis that existed.

When I was in high school, I finally did get a diagnosis from my PCP of "migraine". Idk if it ever went on the record but a was prescribed migraine medication. Which was essentially prescription strength advil and imitrex. There weren't exactly a lot of options back then.

And I again have specific memories of being in school. The ring of the fire alarm during a fire drill triggers a migraine. First thing I had to do when we went back in was go to the nurse and nurse had to call my parents and they had to bring my meds (special school rules the nurse needed the prescription bottle which would make it hard to have any at home). And the nurse was like "when's it gonna work?" And my mom was like "idk. If it does work it'll be like 30 minutes" and the nurse was like "Yeah we can't keep her here 30 minutes on a maybe. This is no place for a kid with a migraine. Take her home."

Throughout all this? I didn't consider myself disabled. Because I could still function. I wasn't missing too much school to pass. I was still able to pass my classes.

In college though it got really bad. I was missing 3 or 4 days of classes at a time because I couldn't hold down anything but water. There's weeks I did go to class that I just blacked it the pain was so bad. I got hurt from the vertigo regularly. It got so bad u finally sought it a migraine community just to try to understand what the hell was wrong with me and just so I had a place where I could vent. It sucked so damn bad.

And this community helped me immensely. They had a list of headache specialists which helped me find my doctor. They gave me a ton of treatment options to discuss with my doctor and they suggested vitamin supplements that I could also discuss with my doctor. It took a few years because I don't react to most common migraine meds, but a year out of college, I finally got a treatment plan that fucking helped. I live a pretty normal life now the only exception being the couple of hours it takes my meds to kick in.

And even through all of that, I hesitated to call myself disabled. I was still functional enough to graduate college without the ADA (but honestly I'd have done better if I had accommodations for all the time I had to miss). My migraines weren't frequent enough to be considered "chronic".

The only reason why I'm able to comfortably call myself disabled now is because of the invisible illness and spoonie communities. They were like "Your health issues impacting most of your life even though there's no physical symptoms? You keep missing important events duev to your health issues? You limiting what you do so to not impact your health issues? You're disabled."

Because I was so afraid of taking something away from physically disabled people by using the label. I'm still going to heavy metal concerts (yes they land me in bed for days after with a migraine). I can hold down a job and still semi-function (I'm privileged that I can get a remote job so if I can't get out of bed I don't need to call in. And I work for small companies that are more forgiving of health issues.)

Listen. I 100% believe in the spoonie movement with all my heart. But what people don't realize is that invalidating the spoonie movement invalidates people like me. People that have had pain since childhood that almost no medication can touch that's coupled with other neurological issues that is detrimental to our health. I was exercising every day, but I had to stop because there were too many days I couldn't hold down food. I was eating very healthy, but I had to stop because there were too many days where calories were more important than vitamins because again I was lucky if I could hold down food. The pain was so bad that there was gaps in my memory and I hurt myself but I couldn't remember how between the vertigo and the memory issues.

And yeah. My migraines don't affect me like that now. I'm on treatment where I don't "look disabled". I can function with the best of the abled people. But it took years of meds and trial and error with my doctor to get here. I'm functioning with the exact balance of person meds and activity levels to keep me found for the things I enjoy doing.

And I need people to realize that's what invisible disability is. Paralyzed person can't walk? They get a wheelchair. I can't go outside without spending the rest of my day bedbound from the bright light and heat? I get meds that help sooth the nervous system (honestly I don't know how the fuck my meds work but this is the equivalent of my "wheelchair")

Yeah! We look functional. That's the point. That's the entire point. Because before this we lost friends and failed classes because we couldn't get our of bed our body's failed us so hard. The only reason why abled people think we don't exist is because we literally couldn't leave the house. And online communities have allowed us to be seen on those worse days when we're normally hidden behind closed doors.

I was able to interact with people online yesterday with my migraine, when previously you wouldn't have been able to see that because I literally couldn't leave the house.

-fae

[theprinceofliones]

Omg your headcanon for Lancelot are great! I also got a headcanon for Lancelot....😗....he likes kissing Percival on his forehead when nobody is looking...😚🤭 got some more headcanons for Lancelot or any other character?

Aww thank you hun!!! And yes! I have a ton of more headcanons for other characters! Mainly for Meliodas, Ban, Elizabeth, and Elaine hehe

One more Lancelot headcanon tho that I forgot to mention, something that's kind of au-like but, since he was stuck with the Lady of the Lake for so long, he considers her like a mother almost. She was the one who was with him the entire time he was stuck wherever he was. Of course, had Master Jericho, but Lady of the Lake, /Mother/, was by his side, in his mind, whispering words of comfort in his ear and running her hidden fingers through his hair when he needed reassuring. She was a rock he didn't know he needed. But, she's also the reason for everything he hates about himself. It's why he avoids Benwick, why he doesn't come home. He can't face his mother---his /real/ mother, how could he, when he replaced her so easily?

Very much Stockholm syndromey for sure with the whole Lady of the Lake situation. He feels like he needs her even though she was the one keeping him trapped. He needs her like he needs a limb, but at the same time, he feels like he could make do with never seeing her again because he hates her for taking away those years he could've had with his parents, his uncles, his aunties, with /Tristan/---

But, that's a story for another day...

MELIODAS HEADCANONS HEHEHEHE

Meliodas is a VERY overprotective father. It might not seem like it at first, but he's extremely careful and watchful of his son. That's his baby. The one thing he's been waiting for for nearly three thousand years, the thing that brings him and Elizabeth eternal joy and happiness, the one thing that makes all of their suffering worth it.

When Tristan is born, Meliodas is like "dude I hit the jackpot first TRY" because holy shit THAT'S ELIZABETH REBORN...AGAIN! It's why they stopped at one---they don't need to try again bECAUSE HE ALREADY WON AHAHAHA

(Ban and Meliodas are like sobbing for joy together because they BOTH won man. Sons that look just like their mothers first, TRY. A millennia in purgatory was all worth it for THEM)

He's TERRIFIED of the thought of Tristan training with real weapons when he's a toddler though. Elizabeth is all for it, saying that he'd be fine and they'd be right there if anything happened. She was always willing to let Tristan have the freedom they never did---but Meliodas was biting his knuckles bloody because what if his little boy gets HURT??? Goddess healing or not, his precious boy would still be in pain!!!

Like I said, VERRYYYY overprotective but slowly tries to learn to let go and let his son be his own, although as Tristan grows up, he mistakes his father's overprotectiveness for disappointment and doubt in his own child. But, Tristan couldn't be more wrong...

Hehe onto Elizabeth!

She is a boy mom. A boy. Mom. Not them toxic boy moms, a BOY MOM. She dresses her son up in pretty little outfits when he's a newborn through his toddler ages, almost like a cute tiny doll. He has two entire wardrobes filled with frilly dresses and adorable little fluffy blouses by the time he's four. She braids his hair, lets it grow long and longer still. Ties his silver locks into ponytails, or buns, and even puts little accessories on his head here and there. Tristan surprises her with how much he seems to love it---or maybe it's because his mother's attention is solely focused on him.

SHE IS THE QUEEN OF BRITANNIA! I'm sorry but making Meliodas King makes absolutely no sense to me...probably bc I'm a hardcore ASOIAF fan so seeing a daughter who is technically in line for throne get cast aside by a random male protagonist with no claim whatsoever makes me lose my mind lmfao. BUT SHE IS THE QUEEN! She handles diplomatic and domestic issues all throughout the kingdom meanwhile Meliodas is in charge of the military, trade routes, training Holy Knights, and other little things that the Queen doesn't need to be involved with.

She acts more like the Elizabeth we meet at the beginning of the series, a little more reserved and a little shyer but she will stand her ground and be the Queen her kingdom needs when the time calls for it.

Nakaba, I like you sometimes and all, but that god awful, horrible, eye traumatizing DRESS you put that beautiful woman in is a crime against women. I WON'T STAND FOR IT! Elizabeth wears the most REGAL ELEGANT gowns. Thinking more of victorian and medieval fashion slapped together with some Targaryen fashion sprinkled in as well. She WILL be dressed beautifully with a silver band that wraps around her head with little jewels and crystals hanging from it. Meliodas has a gold band with a single gem, indicating his status as the Prince-Consort to the Queen, and then Tristan has a silver band like his mother with sapphires and pearls, indicating HIS status as the Crown Prince of Britannia and biological relation to the Queen of Britannia.

Oh, final thing. BAN, MELIODAS, ELIZABETH, AND ELAINE HAVE ALL HAD A FOURSOME AT LEAST ONCE I DON'T MAKE THE RULES I'M MERELY A PAWN IN NAKABA'S GAME

okay okay I'm so sorry I went on a tangent BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOYED! I love answering asks so keep them coming! Feel free to ask about Half Light as well! I'd love to chat about it!

[hyolks]

GREETINGS!!! I just read through the wasteland doc and hough. . . it's really really awesome. Do you mind if I share some ideas? (rhetorical. you don't have much of a choice)

Okay, so about some of the toxic sludge stuff; what if it and the alchemist stone are related somehow/derived of the same stuff? Maybe the sludge is like. really temperamental to being handled but if handled PROPERLY it has some. WILD effect. and maybe that's one of the reasons they were testing it on the ishvalen people; to test out what lengths they could go with it? Perhaps through this experimentation they figured out. Wait. What the fuck? This stone thing that we just derived from this sludge and like. these people(idk. maybe it reacts with a blood/sludge ration that is like. super high in human blood but still need s a lot of sludge and thats why they need so many people to make it(or, another idea. maybe using some of the sludge in like. a single humans blood or something and it'll react with a human being as its environment. and make a minimal amount of like. basically the philosophers stone and they need to harvest a LOT but humans don't make much and get killed through it. idk)) but like.using these people and this sludge will make these stones that are SOOO powerful? Also maybe. The reason they raided ishval is because they historically were the main people who had the sludge and had like. writings and stuff making use of the sludge(in minimal amounts. maybe it's also like a religious piece?) and like. idk. And maybe also!! The way the sludge is mass processed/produced/whatever makes it toxic if not done correctly and needs like. special treatment in small batches to make it OK. anyways. Also IDK if you have stuff on Hohenheim yet . . .But I think it would be cool if he was like. One of the people to discover the sludge? Maybe you can keep him super old because he was the group to discover the sludge + with the properties the sludge can have, it kept him from aging or something(IDK if this would really fit the vibe all that well so. shrugs). maybe hohenheim had a twin brother(or childhood bestfriend even. they would probably have to be close) that acts as the homonculus/father? and they found the sludge together. but what hohenheim had regretted his brother indulged and basically did the whole. capitalize indutrial whatever thing to it. And hohenheim wants to stop that. The homonculus works from the shadows and maybe had like the sins working under him as a shadow thing for. whatever evil capitalism reasons. yeah. OH WAIT OTHER IDEA I HAD FOR HOHENHEIM that MIGHT be able to fit into the same thing with the sludge. Maybe he was a former outlaw that wanted to settle down? But he found it too risky to put Ed and Trish and Al in the way so he left. Maybe he became an outlaw because of the Homonculus wanting to et him out of the picture because they didn't share views(or maybe he tried to take him down spesifically and failed which turned him into an outlaw and the homonuculus decided he was to dangerous to be kept around and started to hunt him)? So he turned him into an outlaw. And kept an ear out for him and when Hohenheim knew they were close and there were chances of him being caught. He left. IDK. ALSO. I know you mentioned in the Doc that Al being in so much pain all the time from the sludge stuff eating away at him and how it's a major source of angst/guilt for Ed. But because I am a sucker for Al not being able to feel anything what if he like. Got his nerves to be 'paralyzed' or something? To the point where be can't really like. feel anything. It's a trade off; he either feels so much pain or nothing at all. Maybe it eats away at Ed because like. He put him into a position where he either feels a shit ton of pain all the time or he feels nothing and that's not fair. Anyways. I'm pretty sure I had more to write but I can't remember. So I might come back later if you'll allow it. these are all just suggestions btw. you don't have to listen to anything I say and tweak anything that you see fit. also ssorry if this is like. a jumble of nonsense. articulating can be hard BTW I absolutely ADORE your art. It's literally so swag. like the way you color and do clothes. . . SO scrummy. I hope your day is nice :))

OUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OUUUH I LOVE THIS I SUPER SUPER LOVE THE HOHENHEIM BEING AN OUTLAW THAT WANTS TO SETTLE BUT ULTIMATELY LEAVES TO KEEP TRISHA ED AND AL SAFE... shakes my fist at hoheinheim. if he knew/helped with all of the research before hand and then went rouge.... everyone and their mom in the government body would be hunting down his ass

you actually got pretty close from the shite i was thinkin for the sludge too?? like the uhhhh its super temperamental but is an incredible material when handled correctly??? like the reason the train cart full of it is on their property when theyre young is bc it was being transported cross country to central... for "science"... and it derails for some reason. explosion. and the longer it sits out in the country side the more it like... drains the environment. hence it being an Awful substance unless in a controlled environment and used properly. it being native to ishval would also lend to why it would literally be so invasive to resembool but hmmmmm... evil substances...

I was also thinking. ohhh what would the homunculus be. they. they could BE made out of it. or are just humans that are infected/injected with it like how king bradley is with the philosophers stone but instead of it just being bradley its all of them. also bc i like thinking of what their backstories could be. thinkin about lust in a saloon dress has me weak in the knees

BUT THIS KINDA BRINGS UP WHAT I hinted at somewhere in some tags but like. i was thinkin about . uhhhmm . the mold from re7/8. which after looking briefly through a google search bc ive got some silly idea of it in my head is described as a superorganism that is also literally just mold. it has some kind of consciousness to it, like memory. idk if it has empathy or emotions though.... either way it was used to create eveline, who does have some kind of empathy and emotions, and she can both control it and use its consciousness network ??? sorry i literally cannot think of any proper way to describe this atm but. i was like. oh THIS could be what the homunculus are. they could be like eveline to the mold network.

and ethan gets infected with the mold and bc of that he's able to stick his limbs back on with some goddamn peroxide and literally survive fatal wounds... i was like... ohhhhh what if..... what if at some point.................... ed gets infected by the sludge (perhaps unknowingly).... and sees the homunculus regrow their limbs (idk if mold would do that in resident evil games but this is now in my hands).... and hes like..... oh my god. Oh my god. We. We can get it back. We can get our bodies back.

BUT IF. IF the sludge has the same consciousness network bullshit that the mold does in RE... alongside the hallucinations n stuff... it could literally eating away at ed's sanity and al is like uhm the fuck not we are not fucking doing that . we're getting goddamn vaccinated. but the allure of having a body back...

I KNOW I SO AGREE al not being able to perceive feelings while being in the armor is soooo chefs kiss and RELEARNING how to be human again is even LARGER CHEFS KISS. but youre so right. it was 100% like that so it can be angst for ed. you mentioning this reminded me of a fic i read where ed smokes opium for pain relief and i was like oh what if al did that? since he's essentially a giant walking open wound? but idk... it would wean into drug abuse bc how could it NOT with the sheer amount of pain he would be in. i might think on it a little more but substance abuse is a topic I'm not super familiar with yet so.....

I HADNT EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT FATHER,, ohhhh you are one helluva thing to tackle my good friend. this is going on the back burner.

you are always welcome to say more!! i love listening. I'm literally kickin my feet and giggling reading messages like these. u have brilliant things to say love

[sevensoulmates]

okay some things. tim choosing to call buck and eddie dynamic a coupling is a choice. also friendship is a core of that coupling, that's literally not platonic. it's saying friendship is the core of them, even when they get together. but beside the point tim singles out that he's had a lot of fun writing the buck and eddie dynamic this season. why just buck and eddie and we know tim wrote episode 6 which i'm starting to honestly think something happens between buck and eddie at the bachelor party and that causes a shit ton of angst because when tim means fun he means pain for us. oh also that article screams eddie breaks up with marisol in episode 5.

Like, sure, there's some plausible deniability to the word "coupling" but all of it in context with each other just makes it feel odd, ya know? But the articles aside, it's the amalgamation of things that feels like something's shifted.

I'm just firmly on the train that something is deepening with Buck and Eddie this season, whether that be their bond as co-parents, or shifting their dynamic to finally explore how they might be romantically. I swear to GOD, if there's even a hint that Buck is into Tommy, or literally anything about Bi Buck this season, I'm slamming that "Buddie will be canon and I can't be convinced otherwise!" button.

Friendship will always be the core of their relationship. I was just talking to my friend Zee @tawaifeddiediaz the other day, and I told her about a video essay I was listening to about eros (romantic/sexual love) and how eros is what sustains most romantic stories and basically that eros = the chase or the build-up to a potential romantic coupling 😉. That eros inherently ends when the relationship is consummated (ie they get together and are at a relationship equilibrium) and that just makes me think about the concept of people suddenly not caring about a ship once they get together (also known in fandoms as "moonlighting". I think with those ships it's usually due to over-reliance on eros or romantic chase tension so then when it's gone the relationship isn't interesting anymore.

This is all to say that the buddie relationship has not been built on eros. It's been built on platonic, familial, friendship, and commitment-based love all before it ever gets to the sexual/romantic love. And so, to me, as a firm buddie-truther, that's why when they actually get to that phase where they do explore the romantic/sexual aspect of their relationship, Buddie won't lose momentum or become boring or have people lose interest, it most likely will end up being more interesting/complex and beloved ship.

If ANYTHING happens between Buck and Eddie at the bachelor party or at the wedding, I'm once again slamming that "BUDDIE IS HAPPENING and I can't be convinced otherwise!" button. Because come on? You can't expect to give them tension at wedding-adjacent things (that are literally all about reinforcing ROMANTIC bonds) and not expect me to see that as the writers confirming Buddie will end up in the same spot eventually.

And about episode 5...once again, I am an Eddie/Hardware-Store-Flirtation Marisol break up at the end of episode 5 truther. I will not be convinced otherwise unless I see the episode myself or if the actors post about filming more past that. Either way, Hardware-Store-Fliration Marisol isn't and could never be Mr. Edmundo Diaz's endgame and I'm not even a little bit worried about her.

[sageistrii]

https://x.com/kchartsmaster/status/1782360443584966886

"HYBE, a leading K-POP company, is blinded by short-term profits and copies successful cultural content without any hesitation, producing banality instead of showing novelty."

Of course she has a point but that won't hold up if she's doing illegal things as a counter. Anyway as long as Jimin isn't affected, I can't lie and I'm say that I'm not entertained by this alien vs predator situation

True but she didn't complain when she benefited from their focus on "short-term profits", getting playlisting that most BTS members and other hybe groups never got or when new jeans was being promoted at the expense of bts. And no shade but new jeans isn't a novelty to anyone aside of kpop, to everyone else they're just another kpop group who releases aesthetic music for social media posts, because that's literally the main reason their music is popular "aesthetics", Illit's song literally only went viral because the snippet was being used for picture edits. If a group from an unknown company had been the one to debut with that concept, no one would have cared and no one would claim they're some kind of pioneers. I feel like it's one thing that annoys me about new jeans stans and mhj, this claim that they debuted with something out of this world when no one would be saying all that if the debut had flopped. When it comes to concepts and other stuff, the only girl group I would consider a novelty is Loona.

Everyone gets copied, it's not the end of the world. And like everyone has said, name dropping those girls just like that is nasty work. I get that it's painful to see them become so successful through something you introduced to the company while it seems like those people who used to like new jeans are now gravitating towards illit, but they're children... They already got a shit ton of hate for being similar to new jeans and now she just mentioned them outta nowhere when it's pretty obvious that it wasn't even the reason for her actions and she's obviously been planning to go seperate right from new jeans' debut. BTS used to have all their concepts and roll outs plagiarized, and all they said was they don't care because they never do the same thing twice.

I talked about this before when I talked about illit and their similarities to new jeans, but I had so much hope that min heejin probably didn't care much because she was so "creative" that she could shake things up and introduce a new concept for the group, but I guess I gave her too much credit and she never had plans to do anything new with the group. Because that is the only reason why she would care about two groups having similar concepts. And other groups have copied new jeans, she only cares now because of how successful illit are. If they flopped she wouldn't be making a fuss over it.

Not to be that person but there's something about her that I just don't like, she seems shady and weird as fuck. So hopefully her and hybe both cancel each other out for my peace of mind.

If we go by the current roll out for new jeans comeback you can tell she's run out of "unique" ideas and just doing whatever to still keep that edge, so they should just bring in another talented creative director for the girls and all will be well. Everyone loves to act like she does something out of this world, but after studying her I think I could literally become a creative director and succeed at it.

[hellsfirekeepsyouwarm]

All Hell Breaks Loose Pt. 4.

Hello there my loves, i brought to the next part of my angst series. :D Still no happiness, just excitement and all the feels in the world. So, it's not my first time to bring in some other love interest (i'm greedy af), i can't help it, i love it. Also i'm thinking about a sequel with Graves, let me know if ya'll interested in that. Happy reading!

Simon "Ghost" Riley x F!Reader

Warnings: language, mentions of torture, injuries, military men, canon typical violence, Graves is bad (but i kinda like it), as i see it now it's lighter than the previous chapters.

Summary: You need to remind Graves of your shared past, hoping for more and easier time with him while Ghost and the team puts together a plan to get you out of the shadows by becoming one.

You have his attention. His full and utter focus. Everything froze in place when the words left your mouth, and you could even hear a pin drop. You see memories flashing on his battle scarred face, and for a moment, a tiny little second you see Phil, your friend, your partner, your most trusted companion. Only for a moment really, while the pain lives so urgent in you, it's a weak split second, but you can't deny it. It leaves you as soon as the numbness take over in your mind, so you can block out the the physical body you are trapped in.

Graves stares at you. No visible emotion displayed on his features, he just stands there, arms crossed over his bulletproof vested chest. This is not the time to stop damnit.

"Because i remember. Fuck it was a good time to be a Shadow, wasn't it? Doing important and reckless shit while making a shit ton of money. "

His eyes widen, maybe not so recognizable for his men, but you know you stirred something up in him. What you don't know, if anything, a shallow wave of nostalgia that hits him, but it's perfectly enough for you. A small grip on him, but it's better than nothing.

"Leave." He states, eyes remaining on you. You hold his gaze, brave and stupid enough to do so, no fucking way he can have the gratification of seeing you tormented any longer.

Shadows leave without a word, but not without some suspicious looks towards you and Philip. It's quite quick, how they clear the room with ease, remembering they are not only mercenaries and criminals, but soldiers too.

You feel yourself let out a breath, left with the only person who can provide some familiarity, conflicting feelings clash in you as you realize you trying to find comfort in the person who's hurting you with no remorse. But for now, you'll let yourself to be more vulnerable if it means you can have a win in a long run. You sigh again, Simon's face flashing in front of before you speak again. You gather every moment that you can recollect about Philip Graves, involving all the cases where he was stuck between you thighs. You want to replace those memories with better and happier ones. But for now, you need to push Simon in the back of your mind in order to have a grip on reality.

"Who would have thought, that we will end up like this. On the opposite sides of the battlefield. Not me for sure, not when i was tangled in between the sheets with you. Damn, i thought i can fucking conquer this piece of shit planet with you by my fucking side." The images of him, a younger, cleaner, healthier him, with a shiteating grin, clutching an AR firmly, already turned on by just a look at you mirroring his smugness. The thoughts start to mix up with memories of the 141 seeping into your life. Your brain tries so hard to replace the naked and filthy recollections with Philip, it feels so surreal to think about purposely of him, while you yearn for Simon and only Simon.

He looks sheepish, hell almost sad if you are being honest. Maybe not every human part in him is lost. Not that it matters, it doesn't. He'll die at the end of this, either with you or by your hands.

"After that mission everything changed. The job, the team, you, us. Every fucking thing turned upside down because you was greedy. You had everything on this world, and you wanted more. More money, more to your name, more power, more more more." You rant, words spilling like they should have years ago. You need time, you have to gain time for the guys to get inside. That's what matters, not Graves and his feelings. Not your feelings.

"OH FUCK OFF! Like you didn't enjoyed it. You fucking loved every damn minute of my power. You fed off of it like a hungry leech, you were a lost puppy until you met me, always ridiculed by the others, always the outcast." He tries to get to you, get under your skin. Just by the look on his face you see that he counts on you getting defensive, clinging to your truths, to yell and ague. And you don't do it, he so mindful that he leaves you time to speak up, to regain some strength to go against his acclaims.

"You can say whatever you want, Philip. I know what i know, it's my memories too. And at that time, you looked pretty much like someone whos enjoying it. Everything of it. You can be fucking mad at me for leaving, admitting that you went to far with it, it won't fucking change a thing. You lost. You lost the day when you did that job for Sheperd. You aren't the one who came out on top, and i know you fucking despise the feeling. Oh i know. It's written all over your face, i have seen it a million times before, and those scars on your pretty face couldn't hide that from me." Shit you have to be careful what you say, you are aware of the things he is capable of. But the words just comes so effortlessly.

"Because you know me so well, huh? You think you have that against me? Darling this goes both ways. Does dear Simon knows what horrible things you have done to amaze me?" He smiles wickedly, just like so many times in your past. He's getting close to you, enjoying the bickering between you two, the back and forth, it's entertaining him. He waits for your response. "I bet he doesn't. You just smile sweetly, nod 'yes sir', riling him up on the field just to spread your legs later. Yes of course you do that."

"Don't tell me you are jealous now Phil." You smile up at him, the upward stance of your lips feeling out of the place considering your position, but it sets him off completely. "Yes you are. You just went through all the times in your head when you were lucky enough to experience me. All the secret glances, all the 'yes sir's you like so much, the sneaking around, fucking me into the wall as soon as we hit safety. Oh you do remember Istanbul just the way i do, don't deny it."

He smiles too, maybe too openly, too honestly for your liking. After all, he is still Philip Graves. He's not immune to you. You still have a firm hold on him, since the day you put down your Shadow patch. No, since way before that. Now you can taste freedom on your tongue.

"Jealous? Why darling? I have you, am i not?"

And with that, a genuine smile on his lips, he leaves you bleeding onto the old wooden chair.

*

It's the most unnatural feeling. To wear a shadows gear. Ghost feels almost naked without his own shit, skull changed for a plain black mask, the M4 alien in his hands, with the wrong attachments, his senses altered by acting like a Shadow.

From the moment the light-bulb lit up in his head, he felt lighter, suddenly he had a clear view on the operation.

"We thought about it Lieutenant, we went through it, and it's not possible. " Price was right, they went over it. Multiple times, but they never talked about one.

"No, it's possible. We did a job, it was one of her first with us. She went undercover, completely alone, in the blind, with only a code phrase. 'The good ol' days' in a shite accent you 've just heard. We teased her about for weeks after that." Soap explained, his face displaying a fondness of the memory.

"She wants us to go in alone, separately?" Price is shocked, not understanding it yet.

"She wants one person in there. One person is enough. If he's inside, and we set out a number of distractions, Graves will be busy with that, thinking we are using brute force to get inside."

Price and Gaz both looked wary of the idea. Yeah it can work, but will it work?

"We choose one Shadow who patrols outside. Preferably alone for at least minutes, i grab his stuff, get in, follow orders until i exactly know where she is. When i find where she is held, i can give out a signal to you for decoy." Simon feels life blooming inside him, the first usable plan in days. The one he knows will work.

"Let's say you find her, how do you get her out? She will be heavily guarded, you are one hell of a soldier Simon, but you are only one man." In any other scenario, he would have agreed with John. Him alone isn't enough, but he's never been more sure of anything.

"She will be guarded, but he'll have to cut the numbers if we hit the decoy right. If he thinks we are coming onto him with an army, he'll focus his strength on that, not guarding a door. Yes, a number of Shadow's will be there, including me."

There is no space left for protest or doubts. While Simon couldn't assure Price fully, he still went with the idea. Honestly it was the best they've got.

That led Simon to a Shadow about his height, wandering outside far enough and long enough to put on his clothes. He won't need them no more. He's walking down a hallway, listening to directions and orders from the radio, occasionally Shadows passing by. Not one of them paid any attention to him, to his surprise.

Simon is okay. He's on the field, alone, right in the middle of the monsters belly, on the edge of danger and safety. He likes the rush of it, he thrives in this situations. This is the first time in days he felt in control, despite he's more like out of control. Completely. He needs to wait and see, gather the intel, orientate himself from the memory of the blueprint. He knows where he's going, but he doesn't.

"Soldier! Where are you going?" A stern voice behind him calls out, probably for the poor guy who should be in the suit. He acts on his sudden fright, plays into it like he's caught like a kid fumbling in the cookie jar. "Let me hear it."

Well shit.

"I had to take a piss." He mumbles out, feeling his cheeks burning under the mask. He hasn't done this in ages, honestly he forgot how irritating it was to be ordered around, and questioned all the damn time in his early days in the military.

"No shit boy, you took a while. Now get back to Jameson, he's been talking my ear off about how long you take all the fucking time."

Ghost stands there, completely baffled by the absurdness of being scold for taking a piss for too long. "Not just stand there moron, MOVE"

Okay fuckin 'ell. He turns right on the corridor, hoping praying that it's the old locker rooms what they use for keeping you. Rooms are small, reachable and easy to look out for. There is one way in, bet plenty of ways to get you out of there, just in case. If he would have a captive, that's the best place to held them.

The voice behind him doesn't follow, or speak up again, so they choose the right person. There was a heated debate at the table around the blueprint on who is the lucky bastard to die quick. Soap and Ghost was on the same page about their guy, and so far it's payed off great.

Simon can feel it in his chest that he' s close, gloved fingers tingling on the weapon. He tries not to grip on it too hard, ease his hold, not look so fucking tense, but how can he be not tense when you are somewhere behind a door. How can he not be on the fucking edge?

He slows his steps down as soon as he meets two other men mindlessly kicking the dust with their boots in their boredom. Just where he thought they would be, locker rooms, one or two door before maintenance rooms. Three people guarding you isn't that of a surprise when other Shadows walking by every goddamn minute. It's crowded, people come and go in the neighboring hallway, and by the look of them, Ghost is in the very place where he wants to be.

"Finally you sonovabitch, right about time dude, i thought i'm gonna shit myself soon." The shorter guy leaves with that. Ghost takes his place on the other side of the rusty metal door. The fucking door he dreamed about every minute of his restless sleep. And now he found it, but he can't just barge through. He can't do that. He can't.

Simon tries not to think about anything. Not the hostiles walking around unknowingly of his presence, not the burning in his veins, not the utter silence behind the door. That silence what makes him question everything. Are you even there? What if he's guarding the fucking weapon stash? Or supplies?

He knows you are close, but his mind can't stop doubting the instinct. He just knows. He always knows when you are close. When you sneak up on him at the mornings to wrap your hands around his torso, while he pours the steaming hot coffee for both of you, when you slide soundlessly under the sheets after your millionth of gaming youtube video that evening, seeking his warmth with tired eyes. He just knows, and he's never been wrong. Right?

His mind could eat him alive, but he chooses to press on the small device between his fingers and the M4, letting know the team it's time. Whatever happens after this, he'll get trough.

Exactly 180 seconds later, the alarms goes off after a small shake of the ground under him. He's ready to bring hell to this place.

*

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[hell-is-a-teenage-girll]

Rant about my health and life coming it's alot so only do it if you're interested and also very important TW mention of end of life.

I am going to the hospital again tomorrow.

I had a break down last night. Saying I can't do it anymore.

If it wasn't for my cats, I would end it all.

Being in pain 24/7 drives you crazy.

I've been in survival mode so much that even certain organs don't function the way they should.

For people who maybe don't know. Our instincts come from back in the days where we had to maybe flee from a big animal for example. And when you have to survive, you can't get tired, because you need to run. You can't get hungry, cause you need to run. You can't feel happy or anything, because you can only think of survival.

I started to notice my morphine didn't do anything, neither did anything I took after. One day I took morphine, muscle relaxer, sleeping pills, and I felt NOTHING. No pain relief, not feeling high.

I also had my chronic migraines again, my period again. (I take meds for the chronic migraine and have to take the pill for my endometriosis)

Turns out I have gastric paralysis from the situation I'm in. So my meds didn't go in my blood etc, just straight through the body. Which is why nothing worked. I now need medication to to make my stomach work to.. Take my medication..

I have a depression again. I am $uicidal.

I won't hurt myself don't worry, I wouldn't leave my cats. My partner, best friends, my mom are also all suffering from my condition. As in it pains them to see this all and they care.

A condition doesn't only affect the person who feels it. But also the environment.

I went in this procedure with pain on 26th of September, and because it went wrong, I also came out of it with pain.

In total now when it comes to my face, I've been in pain and surviving for 6months now.

I am done. I need either a period that they say okay we'll give it 2 more months and then we really need to take steps, or give me pain relief NOW.

But just hearing '' it can take up to months until the nerves fix themselves, it could be okay '' doesn't cut it. Because sure they can heal in their own time, but I cannot be in pain for all those months? This isn't humane.

And then the doctor of the hospital called this morning after my mom reached out to them saying it can't continue like this. And we said specifically let the doctor call my mom. But then my phone rings, they called me. And I hear

'' - what do you want me to do..''

'' - I think it's important just to get you calm right now. ''

But I can come by tomorrow. With my mom because the issue is I am scared to stand up for myself and will say to quickly '' it's okay''. And it's not. Which is why we wanted them to talk to my mother.

After that call, I called my mom crying that they are pushing these meds on me that have a shit ton of side effects, I already take 7 pills a day (now even 10). And they wanna add more.

I don't wanna become a '' junkie'' depending on the morphine. Because i' m scared I often just sit through the agonizing pain. But if I don't get decent pain relief, I will have to dependant on it. Because if I have to do this for more months.. I am scared I will do something stupid eventually that will be unreturnable.

My best friend told me yesterday '' you have no quality of life. ''

And it's true. And he hates it, and I hate it aswell.

My mom then called to my doctors office (GP) the secretary picked up. She told me afterwards that she was crying to her that it's an emergency to please let her talk to my doctor. And they did. My mom also cried during that conversation. And my doctor agreed, it's going to far, someone needs to help. So he moved heaven and earth to say it like that and got me an appointment with another neurologist in another hospital, the 15th of January. It normally takes months. But he made it happen. And I swear.. This man.. Saved my life more times then he knows.

I am very nervous for tomorrow tho and if they will do something or just tell me again '' sorry it happened I wish I could do something but most likely after months it will heal. '' I feel rage, cause it's easy to say that when you aren't feeling it.

Today I also broke down at my chiropractor.

She said I looked pale. I said I had been crying for 2 days now. And when I told her that I felt suicidal, she said '' no no no, if you ever feel like you're gonna do something, you call me okay?? " and I cried and she hugged me. And then sat with me to talk. And she wants to take me out on walks in her private time.

I also have my psychologist tomorrow, she is also fighting to help me. Last time she literally took me in on the weekend in her private time.

I am glad for my support. But I just can't anymore.. The pain is driving me crazy. Which is also scientifically proven. Your brain changes.

So again, the fact that my content has changed so much is because of that.

Because I am not me.. Not anymore.

But hopefully I will find a way. Even just a little.

If you read all this, wow. You're a star. And thank you ❤️

And eventho I prefer not to let people see me this way. It's the truth, it's how bad it is, it's not pretty, I don't sleep, barely eat, don't feel feelings of fun, my skin is bad,.. But it's me. And because I love you guys, most of you are so lovely so it's only fair to share.

Love you.