#I'm just gonna play it safe and only use the anti tags

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

The eternal struggle of wanting to rewatch Revolver’s duels because hot damn is his Japanese voice sexy and he may have had more cool moments than I remember but not wanting to at the same time because if I have to hear that hot voice call an Ignis an “it” one more time, his pronouns are gonna be was/were.

[thewinchestah]

"Chega de Saudade" - Alastor X Reader fic

Pairing: Alastor x Fem!Reader.

Summary: When Alastor breaks into the V's building seven years later he expects to find a lot of things, lot of obnoxious, enraging, tacky things. He did not expect to find you. The Radio Demon does not take betrayl lightly and you have to live with the consequences of selling your soul to his worst enemy. Better yet, you have to live with the consequences of selling your soul to Vox and Alastor finding out. The soul you sold because Alastor left you for 7 years. Safe to say, it's a mess. A pretty, angsty, dark and delicious mess.

Warnings: Alastor is in Hell for a reason,general hellish violence,general hellish creepiness,eventual smut, i carioca coded valentino bc i can and bc he is very carioca sorry everyone,blackmail, Soul Selling, author is really invested in politics and decided to micromanage hazbin hotel canon, Corruption, Extortion, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, but nothing too explicit,mature themes in general, canon divergence, Not Canon Compliant, Eventual Smut, Alastor gets insane in this one you've been warned, fear play, Possessive Behavior, posessive sex, big bad radio demon is gonna fuck up the guy who stole his girl and will make it everyone's problem, Reader-Insert,no y/n,no beta we die like men here, i feel bad for tagging vox in this fic cause i think it's a disservice i really hate him and i make it clear so vox stans be warned, it's hell i hope y'all remeber ethics are fluid, posessive!Alastor, unhinged!Alastor, Isane!Alastor

Taglist: honestly only my queen @jyoongim i have no credibility to tag anyone anymore after being away for so long. If you wanna be tagged on future updates just let me know!

A/N:HI HEY BUNNY ANON IF YOU ARE STILL HERE THIS ONE FOR YOU!! Hiii everyone guess who's back. I had this fic cooking for a while now, actually i had a lot of writing cooking but in a very Ao3 author fashion a lot happened. You see i was on this writing streak and then my 15yo dog died while i was out of state. I had to go back on anti depressants and take a sabbatical. I got a new puppy and she's the light of my life. Got super sick, won a horse show. My first plan for this fic was having the first 3 chapters done and ready for debuting together because i always feel i'm lacking when i show up with only one chapter lol. After a while i realised i needed to get this first chapter out too see the light of day if i wanted to write again so here it is. This fic is a bit different from my other Alastor fics and i have a rough outline of 5 chapters so i think this beast will be more than 20k words long for sure. I decided to get a little deeper into Hell's politics and all the "no one ever thought of using heavenly weapons against hell even tough Hell's ancient and the best worst of humanity and demonkind is here". I call that bullshit sorry i'm brazilian i'm well versed in shady politicians and shady politics and unfortunatly, dear reader, you are in for this ride too. This fic kicks off right after "Stayed Gone". Also did i mention i'm brazilian and that my works are heavily inspired by brazilian media. This entire fic was inspired by one of my favourite songs of all time "Chega de saudade". And let's be real, Alastor and bossa nova are the perfect match. So yeah, english is not my first language and this isn't beta'd so sorry for any confusion or mistakes. Thank you so so much for reading my fics and always leaving the most kind beautiful and heartwarming feedback. I hope i can still deliver a nice story to my darling readers.

Click here for my other fics.

CHAPTER ONE: chega de saudade a realidade é que sem ela não pode ser.

In the first year you were calm and collected. There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation to why he is gone. Is he even gone, gone? He’s coming home soon, you can feel it. 

In the second year you convinced yourself there were signs everyone explaining why he was gone and when he was coming back, you were just too oblivious to them before. But everything can be a sign when you are delusional.

In the third year you cried so much you felt you were constantly drowning. You barely left home and some thought you were gone too. Gone to him.

In the fourth year you finally gave in and took the deal. Lack of self-preservation and machiavellian schemes working together to create a trap for him. He would come home out of anger, ire. But you can't outfox the fox.

In the fifth year you decided to scour hell and beyond after him. You went to places just to taunt him. Paranoia became your best friend, blood sweat and tears as you repeat “This time it will work, I'm sure of it”. Can a lie be said so many times it becomes the truth?

In the sixth year you accept defeat. You buried him deep and went about like he never existed in the first place. Isn’t it mystifying how this city screams his name?

It’s the seventh year now. The alarm on your phone rings and rings and you feel like scratching your face off. It’s time to meet your damned executioner.

Rolling out of bed you open the curtains to let some light in. The penthouse from the V’s building has a great view of Pentagram City, looking down you get the feeling of dystopian sci-fi that is so characteristic of the technology district. Limelights, digital outdoors, and big opulent, oppressing screens greet you like a constellation of dead stars, long distorted from their original purpose and form. 

You follow processional routine as you get ready. Choose a beautiful dress, put on make-up, and do your hair. It all feels like preparation for a sacrifice. One thing you learned from Alastor is that appearances are the best strategy and you intend to greet your handmade battlefield like a roman legion. 

Alastor. Even thinking of his name hurts, especially today when you need to face the consequences of your actions, the consequences of his actions. He is gone, he left you. And now Vox owns your soul. You blame your fall from grace entirely on him, he forced your hand, he made you do it. Out of desperation, out of defiance, you sold your soul to Vox so he would come back and save you, so he would come back out of hatred, anger and ire to tell how foolish you were, how betrayed he felt.

Betrayal. Selling your soul to his sworn arch enemy should be treason worthy of him dropping anything he was doing to come and punish you, to address you. You just wanted to get a reaction out of him, proof that he still cared. That he didn’t just get bored of the empire of terror he fought so hard to build in Hell. That he didn’t, deep down, just disregard you like a shiny novelty, to be left when it got old. 

You dry the persistent tears that insist on falling with clinical coldness. You are past feeling sad now, you don’t even feel angry anymore. You are past any emotion really, you just want to get this over with and get back home.

You went about your deal with Vox in many different ways, sometimes you felt like it was a good alliance, a slap on Alastor’s face. A side quest to gather as much information from the V’s inner circle, a social experiment. The truth is, during these past almost four years you were a mental gymnastics pro to justify your new arrangements. The cognitive dissonance required to live with the decision of being forever tied to Vox was an herculean task and boy he didn’t make it any easier on you. He would never be as refined as Alastor when it came to torture but there’s something about the coldness and calculated reality of the television business that was it’s own type of Dante’s inferno.

As soon as he got word of Alastor’s disappearance the TV overlord was on your scent, and he wasn’t shy about it either. You dodged him and led him on for almost four full years before finally giving in, everything was more or less under control during the early years of Alastor’s disappearance. 

Until you saw the angel army leaving.

  Death and gore were all around you. The sky rained blood. You couldn’t breathe. You tried to take a step forward only to realize you were knee-deep in demon blood. Adam was particularly ruthless this time, he seemed to have realized the unbalance in Hell’s power structure with one of the most prolific demon overlord’s absence and took full advantage of it. You choked on the sulfur filled air while the portal closed and Adam threw a last middle finger at the Pride Ring. A clawed hand offered you support as you were about to fall, your heart skipped a beat, for a split second you felt elation. In that split second a thousand thoughts, four years of misery and confusion passed through your mind like a movie. You were sure this was Alastor, showing up after the unprecedented carnage of today’s reaping. With the next heartbeat came the delivery of the most cruel reminder: the hand reaching for you was Vox’s. Alastor doesn’t care about anything anymore, not even losing territory. 

The TV overlord was covered in thick, red blood and looked vindicated, a wide chesire’s cat grin on his face. Baptized in carnage, Vox had finally triumphed for the V’s.The V’s were now a force to be reckoned with in Hell, there’s no argument to be made.  A good chunk of Alastor’s territory was now under their control, and everything that came with it too. Including you. 

“My darling doe, be careful, we can’t have you hurt after the battle is won can we?�� 

Darling doe.

You threw up at the casual cruelty of the name Alastor called you with such affection being desecrated by Vox. He still supported you as you spilled your guts, you’d blame it on the nerves, the adrenaline, the reeking smell of death. Not on the fact that you knew he finally won, that the thing that broke you was to hear your name like that, on your lover archenemy’s lips. After that it happened. You sold your soul to vox. Of course he coerced you into it, and you were so mad with grief and betrayal that you felt like betraying Alastor back was the just thing to do. Pettiness and paradoxical hope dripping from your lips as the whole thing was done. 

Every year this same flashback assaulted your mind as you got ready to meet Vox on the anniversary of your deal. It never went past the look you gave those pixelated eyes as he held you on that barren land, stopping right there when you made the decision that finalized your ruin. You still wouldn’t, couldn't face what really went down when you formalized your deal with Vox. Those memories were suppressed and tucked in under layers and layers of regret and self-hatred. 

You gave yourself a final look in the mirror. No makeup smudging this time, you were getting good at numbing your feelings. Just a few tears, no more sobbing.

The yearly meeting with the V’s after the extermination was the perfect cover actually, everything was done in a way that it seemed like you were all cooperating. After all, you did hold a very good knowledge of the inner workings of Alastor’s deals, subordinates and territory. You knew who the V’s could “call in favours” and how to keep the peace. Or as close to peace as peace came when an abrupt power transition happened in Hell. You were a valuable asset to anyone really. Articulated in politics, masterful at the art of persuasion, kind, soft, charismatic, assertive, all in perfect balance, and frankly, breathtakingly beautiful. It wasn’t without reason that Alastor fell for you and that you became his most trusted advisor. You and Rosie were able to conceal his absence and manage his affairs for good two years and the better part of the third without raising any suspicion. Of course, the bigger they are the harder they fall and now you were walking down the corridor of the V’s building carrying a bulk of important intel that would dictate the fate of the Overlord power structure for the next year, at least. 

The hallways of the building changed a lot since you first walked them. As the V’s grew in power, the building grew in grandeur. It was now an imposing beast, looming over Pentagram City. Modern corporate architecture that incorporated the savage capitalism of Vox Tech. Savage, cold, sterile, overbearing that’s how being inside the lair of Hell’s most up and coming trio felt. The tall ceilings and big glass windows were exactly what you would expect of a broadcasting network and silicon valley Big Tech company combined. As an esteemed guest, you got the privilege of staying in the coveted penthouses, with someone to attend to your every wish and demand. You also got an idea that Vox went a little extra with your treatment as a form of flirtation, he has been trying to convince you into moving in for a while, every time you stayed in, your usual penthouse had some shiny new thing that was  made just for you, as he repeatedly emphasized. 

This year’s token of affection was a makeup mirror-gadget-thingy, that looked out of a Totally Spies episode. You had to admit to yourself that this was way more thoughtful and useful than the gifts from the previous years. The thing was cute, practical and would come in handy, which was a big improvement. Vox had tried to sway you with all types of guns and high tech devices in vain. Well, there was also that embarrassing stance with the wire flowers with a hidden recording device. Needless to say that after that entire debacle Vox learned that he may own your soul but you weren’t a damsel in distress and you would reinforce your side of the bargain if he went too far. 

You reached the elevator and went in, pushing the button for your destination. 

The earlier you start this the earlier it is over, you remind yourself.

The panoramic elevator descended to the well guarded conference room, the guards didn’t bat an eye to you entering. You realized you were becoming a familiar face around here, that made you dread what’s ahead of you even more.

“There she is! Hello princesa, I missed that pretty face!” Valentino greets you. He’s the only one inside, sitting on the edge of the table.  Well, that’s unusual… you think. Vox was always the first to get to the post-extermination meetings, plus he always gave you a slightly early timetable so he could have some alone time with you. Something must be going on.

“Hey Valentino, it’s nice to see you too! What gossip do you have for me today?” you give your best chirpy tone to the love moth. Look, you know how bad Valentino is, he is despicable really, even to your standards. But ethics are fluid, to say the  least, in Hell. The acclaimed porn king was surprisingly engaging to talk to. He was fun and actually treated you like a person, which was paradoxical in itself, considering how infamous he is for exploiting and commodifying souls. You drove yourself mad with theories of possible agendas behind Valentino’s kindness towards you, but it was the simplest of answers really, for some reason Valentino liked you and he never denied himself of what he liked.

“You have no idea! We have a lot to catch up on, did I tell you about that bitch who was trying to spy on us?” a set arms gestures to you to sit down next to him. The next 10 minutes are spent talking frivolities with the moth. You’re not complaining, it's nice to get your mind off this dreadful day and you don’t get many. 

Valentino, as always, has a lot to say, little goes on in Hell without him knowing who, what, where and why. Information, gossip, rumors, facts, if a single out of context word can be weaponized  you better be aware that he knows. Pentagram city can be divided into districts and ruled by lots of different overlords, still, Valentino’s intricate web of influence and coercion stretches across all territories. Another poor soul manifests here and goes somewhere they should not be, talk to someone they should not talk to, discover something they should never know. All cases of “wrong place at the wrong time” are happily solved by a large sum of money from the moth and suddenly another thread is weaved into his web of knowledge, another secret  made his. Valentino doesn’t operate like most Overlords and that’s where his power  lies. He bribed and fucked his way into every major circle, every  overlord’s inner circle, Hell’s best kept secret. If you were anyone in the hellish afterlife Valentino either fucked you or fucked someone very close to you. 

Knowledge is power, and Hell’s gossip girl was proof of it.

You swallowed a lump you didn’t know existed, hearing the moth talk about how things changed in a matter of hours during the early post-war made you even more aware of the severity of the intel you were carrying. It was earth shattering (no pun intended) information. 

Angels can be hurt. Angels can be killed. That meant a completely different way of existing in the afterlife, if this information goes public, the consequences are unpredictable and dire.

You don’t feel excitement knowing you technically can fight back, you feel pure dread.

To be completely honest, you feel like these “news” are not really news. You were pretty acquainted with politics back on Earth and this whole “omg no one knew about this! even though this was staring us right on your faces! is total bullshit. Hell is ancient, the exterminations are not a new thing, and there are some pretty smart people down here. To think that millenia after millenia masters of torture and skilled killers never thought of using heaven’s own firepower against them is wishful thinking at best. Sure, maybe after a few generations most sinners, even those who have power, may have been kept out of the loop about the chick in the holy army’s armor… but not knowing this at all just feels like a pretty convenient case of collective amnesia. 

Convenient, that’s exactly what this is. It’s brutal, but that’s Hell. A scheduled massacre is a blessing to those who rule to maintain, reinforce and extend their power. And if you get lucky enough, empires will fall and you will make your move. 

Vini Vidi Vici, that’s all you need to know about how Hell's politics work. 

It’s true that with every massacre the Angel Army gets more and more brutal and unhinged. What was once justified as righteous mercy killings to stabilize the ever growing hellish population now is just a display of cruelty, these angels kill for sport. There have been rumors floating around of how the disproportional annihilation tactics are preparation for something bigger for a while now , and with the demonic royal families either operating totally off Pride Ring or being completely MIA, it is no wonder those influential enough are starting to get restless. 

And that ties back to your first point, the thing that got you picking the skin around your nails while Valentino gossips. There’s a reason why this is being revealed now, you know how creating a narrative works, a few smart words and ideas become beasts of its own. A beast of its own that will tear anything on its way with the right fuel. The V’s have fuel to spare. Whose interest is that this information stayed hidden? Whose interest is that this information was allowed to be shared now? 

Hell is constructed by layers and layers of complicated militias and parallel governance, each one a locked room of secrecy that is impossible to enter without a huge amount of connections and power. 

“In a world of locked rooms, the man with the key is king. And, honey, you should see me in a crown” Valentino wisely said to you once. He’s a man of many many keys, and right now you are holding the fucking master key under your arm. 

Speaking of Valentino, he notices that you dozed off and snaps his fingers, grounding you back to reality. 

“My, my. You must have extremely sensitive information today to keep you from hearing the nastiest, hottest gossip of the moment babe” He takes a hit from his cigarette, an elegant and sensual move straight from an Old Hollywood film. The heart shaped smoke rings caress your face and for an instant you feel hypnotized, nodding your head profusely. 

“But I already knew that” behind the rose coloured shades, you see a playful wink from his infamous red hot eyes. 

The porn overlord quickly snaps his head towards the huge automatic doors, that open and reveal Vox and Velvette walking side by side exchanging looks between them that scream conspiracy.

“Sorry about the wait, my darling” Vox purrs on your way, stopping behind your chair and placing his hands on top of it, fingers dangerously close to your neck and shoulder. He pushes your hair to the side and lingers there, on your neck. “but as they say ain’t no rest for the wicked, am I right?” Velvette takes her seat beside Vox’s empty chair, meticulously placed in front of you, polite pleasantries leaving her mouth. She’s still a mystery, you never know her true stance on you, she keeps you on your toes. Does she like you? Does she hate you? Does she even care? 

“If you say so, boss!” you give him your best pageant smile. “So, who’s climbing up the ladder of the food chain today?” You bat your eyelashes at him. Your performance begins.

“Aw baby, you know I love when you call me boss! keep talking dirty to me” Vox lands a wet kiss on your cheek and makes his way to his chair.

 Right in front of you, so he’s always staring at you, drinking in your every move. You cannot fail, you cannot falter. 

As much as you’ve gotten used to pretending, pretending you like the V’s, pretending you don’t feel disgusting inside for being here, pretending you don’t hate Alastor for putting you in this situation with a burning passion but still missing him so much you feel someday your heart will stop beating in protest to him absence, it’s still hard. Especially when Vox touches you. Your eyes focus on cybersharks swimming behind Vox’s seat and concentrate on keeping your awarding winning poker face. 

“This year looks really promising I will tell you that! The orders for both your weapons and tragedy porn cameras doubled since the last extermination! I will give credit where credit is due, that fuckboy Adam knows how to put on a show!” he snaps his fingers graphs, stats and footage appears on the various screens. But it’s all irrelevant, it won’t matter when you spill your secret. 

“Lot’s of veeeery interesting happenings but I thought this year we might… start differently. Let’s forget the profit talk for now, change things a little. Did you guys see anything out of the ordinary? Did something stand out?!” he spins around his Big Boss ™ chair and stops with his hand under his chin, leaning in to you like a schoolgirl with the hottest new gossip. 

“Oh! I heard things -” Val also leans in getting closer to the TV overlord face. 

Vox’s grin shrinks, lifting a finger in protest 

“We know, we know, you always hear things Val” he replies in a monotone tone

Velvette, who spent this entire time typing away on her phone, interjects 

“Look, don’t take this the wrong way girlypop” finally looking at you she asks, or rather, states the million dollar question “ but what Vox means is that we know you have something  big cooking inside those files, so let’s drop the bullshit and go straight to it” 

The doll puts her phone down, she knows how important this is, how this secret will probably dictate how things will go from now on. You can call Velvette many things, but she is clever and under all that attitude and posh accent lies a brilliant strategist. 

“Plus, we all know you are contractually obligated to tell anyway, so spill, and can make this quick and painless to everyone involved” 

Right, your cartesian, empirical proof that angels can be killed.  Caught on the scene of the crime with the gun in your hands. 

You don’t waste anymore time, the words leave your lips like you’re choking with the threat they present. You tell them everything: where the exorcist was killed, how he was killed, the golden ichor blood that oozed from the wound, where the body was hidden. Everyone is silent while you speak, even the mechanical sharks seem to have stopped swimming to listen. 

After that you don’t remember much more of the meeting, it felt like you took the backseat of your own mind, the overwhelming feeling of dread making you so out of breath. Something is coming, something fucking coming and you can’t breathe. Anxiety sets under your skin like a second skeleton begging to crawl its way out and you find yourself sitting in one of the lavish anterooms of the V’s building. 

“So, the cat’s out of the bag then” you recall hearing Vox saying when, as if on cue, a few moments before the meeting was being declared over, the emergency broadcast about the reduction of the extermination date from a year to six months was issued. You four watch the transmission and you wonder if that’s what it feels like to get the news of the end of the Cold War, the doomsday clock finally hits midnight and we are nuking each other out. 

Mutual destruction assured. 

Your mind wanders back to your life on earth, if life up there is better or worse these days. You died so young, everybody told you, your Untimely Demise a big topic of conversation that you yourself didn’t know much about. But nothing, nothing in all of your living years and your years from Hell to eternity could prepare you for what comes next.

“So the Radio Demon is back in town! Why is he hanging around? What does it mean for your family?” 

The news hit your ears like a tsunami and you feel dizzy. It’s easy to find a big screen here and you are running to the closest one before your brain can even compute the words. 

Alastor is back, Alastor is back, and he didn’t come find you.

The next sound wave is even worse, dragging you ashore to your feelings without any reprieve. 

“Salutations!

Good to be back on the air! Yes, I know it's been a while, since someone with style treated hell to a broadcast

Sinners, rejoice!”

This isn’t a prank, there are no cameras and a sadistic tv host waiting for your humiliating reaction, instead all pairs of eyes in Hell are glued to the screen watching as the two Overlords fight it out. 

Thus, no one notices how your entire body shakes and your vision goes black. It’s too much, and you grip the rails from the stairs that lead to the foyer for dear life. Your heart is beating out of your chest. No one notices how you cry, how you whimper Alastor’s name like a prayer, how the tears run down your face and you feel paralyzed. You want to run, a million thoughts per heartbeat making your head swim. The best you can do is collapse on the floor. So you do, you collapse trying to catch your breath as you plan your sweet escape, how you are going to Houdini yourself out of this situation right to his arms.

“Tune on in

 when I'm done, your status quo will know its race is run”

You want to kiss him, you want to slap him, you want to tell him how much you missed him, you much your fucking hate him. You want him to drag you to his rooms and make you pay for cursing him out. You want him, you want your Alastor back. You cannot breathe.

“Oh, this will be fun.”

and then all the lights go out.

There’s a beginning of an uproar happening, the electric building dies a quick and unforgiving death, demons run around and Vox is flying down the stairs trying to do damage control. But even he is failing to keep his composure, because he knows. Oh how you know too. 

Alastor is like a natural disaster, a shattering force that bends everything on its way with the sheer force of will. The inevitable reckoning that comes to your town, that judges and executes everyone that you love. 

And now he is here. 

You see the burning red hot pair of eyes first, their predatory gaze hold the entire room hostage, looking for his prey and then they land on you. 

The piercing intensity of Alastor’s eyes, the flickering reds of damnation itself, regard you with surprise, elation and something more. So overbearing those eyes are, they make you shiver, bearing the weight of his gaze that penetrates deep into your soul. Your soul that is not yours anymore, it belongs to the man he hates, the man he despises. 

The Radio Demon’s towering frame closes the distance between you two in five long strides, you do your best to keep yourself upright and not cower at the sight of him. He looks like Rapture and righteous torture, coming to deliver your setance. Vox knows his sentence is being delivered here and now too, so he runs, runs to you.  You feel static and an electrifying pull, metal clinking. A chain. A glowing blue chain on your neck and Vox’s pulling it tight.

“What? what the fuck is going on? what’s this?” snapping your neck quickly towards Vox you whimper, you beg. The few seconds you stopped looking into Alastor’s eyes causing seething rage inside the deer demon, ire that makes the room tremble. 

‘“Talk over the radio, that way everyone can hear, baby” Vox says straight at Alastor, like it is a shooting gun. The look on the TV Overlord is maniac, a sideway cocky smile that drips pettiness. Just because Vox clearly lost this battle, with all tvs and electricity on petagram city going dark, it doesn’t mean he can’t still forever tarnish this victory. 

Alastor’s demonform covers the already dark building in opaque, thick shadows, radio static picks up around the room like a tornado chocking the majority of the unfortunate demons that are still inside, in a desperate attempt to seek shelter. 

No words leave the radio host’s lips as he grows even taller, breaking the posh entrance of the building, debris flying down causing even more damage, the tall glass windows shatter in a million pieces courtesy of his tentacles tearing down everything on their way. The sounds of destruction and despair are loud but you haven’t been listening to the world outside you and your returned lover’s radio dial eye’s for a while. A doe caught in the headlight of his eyes the best you can do in brace for the inevitable impact that is coming your way.

In a flash of his scarlet eyes a fire ignites, the flames born from it are unnatural, behaving like a hive mind to kill and destroy.

 You always knew that facing Alastor after these 7 years would not be easy, but you never imagine your reunion like this, in the midst  of pomppeian fire, a wild raw power, the oncoming storm that is Alastor when he attacks. 

Vox knows this fight is over, his ego hurt and today’s accounts always written as a victorious comeback from the Radio Demon, nevertheless, between the three of you Vox will always know who really won, who drew the last card, had the last laugh. He did, holding Alastor’s girl on a leash because he owns her. The soul of the woman the Radio Demon dared to love is his, the man Alastor despises with a burning passion, and that’s enough for now. 

The raging flames circle the three of you and without much more flair Vox drops his act, your chain disappearing from your neck. You drop to the floor, branching yourself on all fours. You consider crawling your way to Alastor, so you can explain, so you can cry, so you can beg. You don’t know for what exactly you will be begging for: your life? his forgiveness? his punishment? you just know a lot of begging and pleading will be involved. 

But the decision is made for you.

“Run, run my little darling doe” Vox commands “Run and do whatever you need to do” 

You get up on your feet in a completely ungracious move and Alastor’s out of the room instantly. The flames never touch you on the way out, the outside world greets you: a cacophony of screams, sirens, burning sounds, the infernal orchestra that becomes the soundtrack of your life.  

“Oh, and by the way” Vox screams from the threshold of the decaying building “we just got news that your place on Cannibal Town got trashed by some wayward sinners during extermination. But don’t worry you can always come home here, come home to me!”

You do your best to ignore his taunting, and you pray to whoever is listening that Alastor didn’t hear it. But it’s futile, the pavement where he is stepping cracks a dark cloud of static and shadows trail after him. He definitely heard and felt the implications of these words. 

“Al.. Al!” you scream running after your lover. 

Fuck, you’re still in heels, and those aren’t your running heels.

Kicking the damned shoes off you run faster, you cry harder and plead faster.

When you lived, your life always felt a bit surreal, weird stuff happened to you that you couldn’t really explain. People always joked that screenwriters of your life were the most creative people alive, the thing that happened to you never happened to anyone else. You died young, with a big, full life ahead of you, but you took this as gospel to your afterlife, after all everything related to your death was a mystery to you. But the things that happened to you living or dead were a raw reality impossible to make up.

 The uncertainty of your death only fuels your resolve to fight for the life you found in the afterworld. 

“Al, wait!” you are starting to get truly desperate, you need to get to him otherwise you are pretty certain you will drop dead here and now.

 “Alastor please, please listen to me” your voice failing, you finally choking from the smoke, from the suppressed tears. If Alastor doesn’t hear you now you are not sure you can carry on after him, you’re too tired too scared. You him to save you like the damsel in distress you are right now so bad.

Alastor dramatically comes to a halt. 

“I. am. Not. Having. This. Conversation. Here.”  his voice is staggered, still. Filled with static and a murderous edge to it. His long arms catch your wrist and pull you close, flush against his chest, you almost stumble but a powerful arm around your waist locks you tight to him. 

It’s the first touch in seven years, your legs shake at the realization that he’s real, he’s here. You lock your arms around his neck, the familiar fabric of his overcoat, the soft strands of his hair, they all feel like coming home.  

Something inside Alastor snaps when he remembers, when he feels how small you are in comparison to him, only one arm securing you safely to him. Some paradoxical fight starts inside him, wild wild want, wild wild rage against tameness, the docile calm you bring whenever you are at his side. 

The world disappears for a few seconds as darkness engulfs both of you,  inside the black moving vacuum only the two of you exist, greeting each other in bloody homecoming. 

Alastor takes you back to the Hotel, landing with a low thump inside his room. For a second his hand supports the small of your back, preventing you from falling forward. After all it’s been 7 years since you shadowtravelled with him, he knows you are terribly out of practice. 

His consideration towards you only lasts this precious second thought, because he makes his way across the room, creating as much distance as he can between the two of you. Your touch disarms him, he is aware of that since the first time your hand brushed against his, the first time his lips ghosted on top of your knuckles. If Alastor is touching you he is extremely likely to get soft, to remember how much you mean to him, what you do to him, so he will be merciful. And right now the last thing the deer demon wants is to be disarmed, to show you mercy. He can feel your betrayal burning inside his veins, clouding his judgment with ire and jealousy.

Alastor doesn’t fight those feelings, on the contrary, he lets them take him by storm adding fuel to his already bad temper. That’s the only way he can face you now, that’s the only way he can make you understand. 

You don’t get any time to gather your bearings, from the corner of your eye you notice a forest. His room is bigger on the inside and has a fucking conservation area but that’s hardly the most pressing matter at the moment. The pressing matter at the moment is that you are getting whiplash from touching your demon lover for the first time in seven years and his subsequent refusal to touch you, stationing himself across the room to you.

Why isn’t he with you? by your side as you ride the shockwaves of today together? You are scared, but above all you feel overwhelming sadness. 

“How did it happen?” he finally snaps, breaking the deafening silence. It’s the first time Alastor regards you, directly, in 7 years and the weight his words bare is so heavy you wish for more of the silence. “Tell me, how did it happen?” his eyes are wild, dangerously close to radio dials. 

“How did it happen? You tell me Alastor! You left me, you fucking left me!” you wish you could be your usually articulated self, you rehearsed this conversation so many times in your mind and in none of them you started with such venom on your lips. But it has been too long, and maybe the poison from all those years alone and afraid beside Vox drips through. 

The Radio Demon sees the tears that fall profusely from your big doe eyes, and they sting more than an acclaimed torturer like him could have anticipated. Alastor finds himself still disarmed, because with every single glistening tear that falls he can see how hurt, how scared you are. He is the only one allowed to make you scared, he owns your fear.

But that’s the problem isn’t it? He owns nothing. Vox does. And that realization turns him back to feeling seething rage. 

“So my mere absence is enough to change your devotion? Is me being here the only thing that stopped you from falling into his arms?” more poison. By the end of the night you both will choke on it. 

“Al.. Al” you are sobbing now, your throat tightens and it’s hard to breath it’s hard to speak. “ I had to do it. You don’t get it, you don’t get it.” your voice breaks “hemademedoit, hemademedoit!!”. You swallow half the words, whimpering, as if you say it fast enough the action will quickly become the past, as if the memories won’t haunt you. And yet the memories flood your mind

A dim-lit room, the smell of blood and something burning.

“He is gone baby, and he isn’t coming back”

Electricity makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. 

A stranger’s hand pushes the hair to the side of your face, dread creeps up inside of you.

“This is the only way my dear, the best decision you can make” 

The same stranger’s hand grab you by the waist 

“I’m the only one who can protect you now, you know that right?”

eyes that make you freeze, it’s hard to think. eyes that make it hard to say no.

“If this is hard for you, you can pretend that I’m him” 

a wrong type of static pricks your lips 

“This won’t hurt” 

a shockwave hits your body and it feels like you are being split open

You have to steady yourself on the closest piece of furniture. You cower as the repressed memories from the night you finally gave in to Vox assault your mind, trying to make yourself as small as possible, like he is coming back to do it all again. Cries and incoherent words leave your lips and you don’t know if you actually said what happened or if this entire time you have just been crying. You entire body hurts as you hyperventilate “Al, I’m so sorry” you whisper 

That’s what undoes Alastor, you curling yourself in a ball, defeated and scared at the ghost of the man he hates. You looking away from him like you are undeserving of him, of his punishment, of his love. Like you are tainted. Alastor can’t make the exact words of your confession about how it happened, but he heard enough. Vox would never make you come to him willingly, Alastor knows that. Whatever Vox did - and Alastor has a lot of ideas of what he did - he will pay double for it. 

 Alastor’s blackened heart shatters when he calls your name and you don’t look up to meet his eyes, like you always do. He was always your lantern for when you were drowning. He meant to break you, hurt you like that. He just wanted to make you come to him, beg for his forgiveness, beg him to soothe the pain. 

“Mon coeur, my sweet darling doe you are safe” Alastor voice goes so soft it hurts “Don’t fret, it’s in the past, it’s over, you are safe with me now as you are meant to be” he coos.

Still, you can’t read your lover’s mind. So you don’t know his heart is shattered, you don’t know how much he loathes himself for letting this get this far. You are so caught up on your own feelings, reeling the rage and the memories that you miss the softness of his voice and his outstretched hard and you inevitably choke on the poison. 

“No. No!” you snap “You don’t get to say that. You have no right to say that!” you scream as you get up “I’m not safe, I will never be safe because you weren’t there to protect me, you promised Alastor, you fucking promised” the poison is now inside you, heartstopping waves of hurt consume your body and sprit. Right now the same burning passion that makes you heart beat for Alastor makes you hate him too. You were never good with ugly feelings, you always pride yourself for being soft to be strong. Your kindness and act of rebellion during the hellish reality you lived. You were never good with bad feelings, so you do something you never thought you’d do.

You shove the Radio Demon, that man you love so much it drives you to insanity. You shove him because the shame is too much, all the ugly feelings ball up inside, convincing you that you don’t deserve him, that you already lost him. And you won’t survive his dismissal. 

You never talked back to him, you never raised your voice. Not because you were afraid to, but because you never had to, hence the reason why Alastor is so taken aback that your pitiful attempt of violence actually moves him from where he was standing. 

Alastor shoves you back, pushing you up against the wall with a searing kiss. He kisses you like you are his last chance at salvation, like he wants to be redeemed. He licks your lips as you struggle to catch your breath, pushing his hips hard against your core, making you straddle him. Alastor doesn’t grant you a moment of reprieve, his lips come crashing down on yours again, his tongue inside your mouth dancing to a madman’s tune. He does what he does best, he takes and takes and takes. He takes your breath away, he takes all the callous words that threaten to leave your lips, aimed at him. 

You succumb to your demon lover, your nails dig into his skin and he moans inside your mouth, he bites your lips enough to draw blood. In the end Alastor is still Alastor, and of course he gets all hot and bothered when fighting. You feel delirious with the taste of his lips, your blood and your salty tears mixing together, an unholy ambrosia. His hardness press just the right way to make you sing creating a current of desire after a seven year long drought. 

His hands are quick, ridding up your shirt making he grab your ass and then your hips, strong enough to bruise. His clawed finger is already tweaking your nipple that way he knows you love. Your bravado melts, in perfect synchrony to when he sinks his teeth deep into your neck, drinking everything: that wretched poison that tarnished your words, the sacred warmth of your blood. You moan his name like a prayer that he promptly answers, he’s kissing you like a drowning man again, your blood on his lips painting your lips red like you both just drank from the holy grail, his hand cups your other breast and you vow to never speak to him like that again, only if it’s gonna get you up against the wall like that with him. 

And then he stops. 

“I hope this kiss haunts you” he says, voice still drunk with desire, low and threatening. He swiftly moves you off him, walking away and creating the same distance from when this all started “haunts your every breath, finds its way inside your every waking moment until you are mad with regret” 

You are bewildered, eyes widening in disbelief. What is he doing? How can he go from 0 to a 100 so fast? 

“I hope this kiss haunts you, so you never forget that you were the only woman who ever had me at the palm of her hand and you decided to throw it all away with that calamitous cynicism of yours.” 

So that’s what’s happening. You can never expect to beat a master at his own game, Alastor is still cruel when he is merciful. When push comes to shove he will always win. There’s only so far you can get with taunting his repentance,  playing with his heart laid bare at your feet, filled with sorrow and begging for forgiveness. He was ready to apologize, to dry your tears and soothe your fears, worshiping your delicious body and the ground you walked on. He was ready to admit that this was half his fault until your venom stung him beyond the realm of spoken word. 

“I understand it now, it must be hard for you to cope with your own decisions, your own failings, so you take it all on me. I hope you remember this when you come back to beg, on your knees for my forgiveness. And trust me, you will.” Of course Alastor would torture you with the knowlodge of his guilt and despair, the loss of his benevolence, the promise of desire and carnality. He will always be a torturer at heart, and you forgot that’s the first rule you need to always remember when dealing with him. 

“You’ve got your demons darling” never was your precious pet name said with such disdain. Static starts to gather around you, and in a flash his hand is on your neck

“and they all, Look. Like. Me” his voice is distorted when he finishes cursing you, there’s a tempest behind his eyes that entraps you, the burning red of his irises condemn you. 

The Radio demon is a raging fire, an oncoming storm. But he is also meticulous, cruel and calculating, if you dared to question him, to step on the grace he gladly gave you, you clearly were aware of everything he did to lull his absence. All the plans and contingencies he made to hush your worrying thoughts about him and bathe your threshing heart on tranquiline waters.

And you decided to mock it. To mock him and his love for you. 

You are crying again, but this time Alastor is fucking glad he was the one to hurt you, to reduce you to a mess of regret and tears. 

Tonight in Hell, power shifts from one Overlord to another. Sinners plan and freak out accordingly.

 But their machinations are all meaningless. 

The 7 years you spent away from Alastor made you sad, the three years spent on Vox’s side made you bitter. The V’s operate on poison, it’s their fuel. And maybe the poison drips through.

Tonight you drank the poison and it broke you.

Tonight, for the first time, the poison broke Alastor too.

[lara635kookie]

I didn't even watch "WISH" yet because in my country it will only be available at january, but people are saying it's a bad cliche so I probably won't watch at the cinema.

The thing is, even though I am a hopeless romantic, not everything has to have romance. There are princess who are perfectly fine without a prince, like Mirabel, Elsa, Merida, Moana and Raya(I do kinda like the idea of Raya with a girl, just not Namaari). But we were so robbed of seeing Asha and the star boy(he is literally a staR so I don't doubt Disney would call him StaN or something like that, so his name is Stan from now on, I am gonna call him like that, is easier than star boy). Asha and Stan had the potential to be the next Tianaveen and Rapunzel&Eugene (I don't know their ship name). The concept arts are the cutest thing I have ever seen. Also "At All Costs" (bop) would have been a love song between the two!!! Them singing it man. The pain I will feel when I don't see them passionately sing it, very "I see the light" coded, in the actual movie. Somehow, now is not feminist for a strong female character to have a male partner by her side. Like...This doesn't make sense! You can be a strong female character and have a man at the same time! Have y'all forgotten Mulan and Shang? Anna and Kristoff? Ariel and Eric? Jasmine and Aladdin? (There are more examples and I could go on all day, but you got what I meant already) I hate Disney for throwing good ideas at the trash and playing safe just for money(like Hobie Brown/Spider-Punk said "it's a metaphor for capitalism"). And as the guy looked blonde with blue/green eyes in the arts I have seen, and Asha is a black latina, they lost the opportunity of having a biracial couple ACTUALLY DONE RIGHT (Pocahontas and John Smith don't count, he is a collonizer with the most common name in the world, she deserves so much better). Like, if the thing is show how inclusive you are by having a black latina female protagonist for little girls to see and feel represented in a good way, you could have increased that feeling by making someone fall in love for her. Little girls would feel like they are beautiful and desired/desireable in a positive way and that they worthy of being loved and love and be with whoever they want to be with, even someone who has a different skin color.

I am also mad because we could have seen Disney's first evil villain COUPLE with King Magnifico and his wife, the queen(still don't know her name, sorry). Can't you guys imagine the HITS, THE FIRST PLACE OF BILLBOARD HOT 100 WORTHY songs, they would proportionate us? Even if only one song, it would be enough for me. But someone thought having a female villain would be anti-feminist and they discarded an original and authentic idea, which is what Disney built its empire on the first place. Come on Disney minorities don't want to be portrayed as those unrealistic superior beings, they want to be portrayed as real human beings with emotions, struggles, qualities and flaws. Having an iconic female villain like you guys always had(like Maleficent, Cruella De Vil, Ursula, Mother Gothel, Lady Tremaine, etc) and set her up with an iconic male villain(like Gaston, Doctor Facilier, Shan Yu, Jafar, Hans, etc) it would have been top notch, god tier. King Magnifico and the queen could have been like the Gomez and Morticia of evil. You could address so many topics by it. Like the kingdom being ruled by evil would have been a great social critic of some politicians out there, for example. And we could have had an iconic final boss battle between Asha and Stan VS Magnifico and the queen.

Anyway, what I mean by this is that if someone has fanarts or just ANY CONTENT, of Asha and Stan, tag me, reblog this or comment, I don't care, just warn me, because they are my new obsession. I will also write a fanfic about this movie with these ideas, but only after I have watched the movie so until them, please feed my hyperfixation in Stasha (Star boy/Stan×Asha), I'm begging y'all

[shirogane-oushirou]

[cw mentions of ableism. talking / venting about the sharing vs non-sharing shit (i do not lean towards supporting one "side" over the other); starts out relatively neutral-toned but i start to sound frustrated part way through. i also have a more personal ramble at the very end that has a separate cw list. it's also long... don't feel obligated to read. i just needed to say things and be Done with it.]

man. i'm ready for all of the sharing vs non-sharing back and forths to stop.

to be clear: this isn't some "i'm above this argument" thing. on the contrary; i completely see where both "sides" are coming from! i simply mean it shouldn't be so difficult for a select few shit-stirrers to Get that selfshipping is a personal thing, and we should be able to ship in whatever way makes us most comfortable.

if someone is non-sharing, they should be allowed to create those boundaries without being harassed or called "immature" or "delusional" by sharing people. beyond how supremely ableist that is, nobody has the right to say they can't view their f/os in a certain way, no matter if other people don't understand those feelings.

if someone is sharing, they should be allowed to share their feelings for a character openly with other sharing people without being sent hate from non-sharing people who think they're "loose" or who want to be their f/o's "one and only". shaming people for being open to sharing is fucked from multiple "sexual / romantic purity" and "anti poly-[sexual / romantic / platonic] relationships" angles, and nobody has the right to claim sole and total ownership over a character they did not make.

and yet, every couple of weeks, we get posts from a vocal minority making a huge fuss over "the other side", when it's just a vocal minority FROM that other side ALSO making a fuss. and then those vague posts leave their intended orbit and cause more mis-worded posts and misunderstandings and off-the-cuff bigoted statements, and the cycle starts again.

we should theoretically be able to respect each other while focusing that energy on, oh i dunno, chasing harassers out of the community? getting selfshippers who aren't part of a specific marginalized group to help selfshippers from that group when they're harassed, maybe?? especially when the sharing vs non-sharing Thing very often coincides with bigotry; people who are harassing others tend to not just stop at being petty or mean, they make it personal.

and -- not as important but a nice little bonus -- i would think that working towards a community that's more safe for everyone in it would also "coincidentally" (/s) get rid of the shit-stirrers, whether because they were kicked out or because they realized what they were doing and grew as people.

---

[cw ableism, vague death ideation, non-physical self harm mention]

i was originally gonna put this bit in the tags, but i think i should put it under the cut bc it's a little personal + it got too long.

also, i try to stay in my lane and not discuss details about delusions or how to approach them -- i've only experienced them a couple of times, so i'm not going to claim to know much about them -- so if i've overstepped, PLEASE let me know and i'll edit or remove anything i've misspoken about.

but coming from someone who went too deep into selfshipping in the past and worries about the mental health of people who do: It's None Of Your Business!!

delusions aren't morally "bad" or "wrong". holding deep feelings abt a character isn't inherently delusion-based and also isn't morally "bad" or "wrong". and neither of those is the same as -- speaking from experience (above content warnings come into play here) -- being obsessed with a character to the point that you self-isolate and emotionally self harm because you wish so badly that the character was real and you believe there isn't a point to life if you'll never meet that character... and this is also not inherently delusion-based and ALSO not morally "bad" or "wrong".

these separate things -- delusions, deep feelings, and unhealthy obsession -- CAN intersect but just as often don't. none are immoral, and all are deserving of being approached with compassion and respect, in whatever way is most appropriate.

negative, harmful ACTIONS that some people take in these states are worth bringing up to them when it's safe to do so, depending on the details of their situation, but the states themselves don't have any moral weight. ie, if someone's harassing others for sharing their f/o because they're in a dark, obsessive place, that is a morally negative ACTION, not a morally negative mental state. they need to take responsibility for harm they've CAUSED, not for what they're experiencing internally.

but if you're calling people "immature" or "delusional" as an insult, something tells me you're not really considering that! whether through malice or just a lack of compassion, you don't see worth in how another person approaches this community.

you aren't better for thinking of a character a certain way, and neither is the person you're being ableist towards. if no harm is being done to you or others, you're just being a dick for the sake of being a dick. listen to other people, learn, and do better.

if you think someone is genuinely in a bad mental place because of selfshipping (wrt isolating and self harm), approach them as another human being. meet them where they're at. don't patronize them, don't call them "delusional", treat them like someone who has their own thoughts and values.

they may want help, or they may not, and you have to respect them for their choice no matter what YOU think is right. there is no truly right way to approach someone who's in a dark place, but you can at least avoid saying things that FOR SURE will make them feel talked down to, belittled, or shamed. if they aren't ready now, maybe they will be ready for help in the future, and shutting them down will make them less likely to seek that help.

(i was also going to put THIS in the tags but i should probably put it here: when i say 'learn and change' i mean it as a positive. people have the capacity to learn and grow and become better; if you've said something in all of this that can be read as harmful... consider why it's harmful and why you said it.

you aren't the same person you were a year ago. 5yrs ago. 10yrs ago. you have grown and you will continue to grow. but if you can be more aware of it and grow more purposefully and consciously? all the better.)

[lenny-rambles]

About "SpyxFamily: Short Mission 13"

Manga: "SpyxFamily"

Update: Short Mission 13

Author: Tatsuya Endo

Relevants tags ig: the dog has ptsd, again

Honestly, I was mad when I initially saw it was a Short Mission. It's gonna be a month now since the last regular chapter came out, the plot was moving, my heart skipped at beat at the last double spread, the story was thriving, I could sense a lore drop any minute now. Then we got two short missions. TWO!!! But the newest short mission took me by surprise and now I'm sad about the damn cartoon dog.

Spoilers for the SpyxFamily manga and anime, more as in, characters that appear and not exactly plot stuff, BEWARE!

IT'S A GODDAMN SHORT MISSION, WHY DID YOU SHOW AGAIN THE SAD DOG'S BACKSTORY?!!! ISTG. You know what I was expecting? I was expecting a "funny haha, future seeing dog has a boring day home alone" maybe break some stuff by accident, maybe he goes to the neighbors' for attention, cute, sweet, nothing heavy slice of life chapter. BUT NO, I WAS FOOLED.

Like, most of the Short Missions are just, not that relevant. Like, it is more of a day-to-day life than the manga normally is. As in, last short mission (the chapter before this one) was about Anya sending Lloyd, and WISE, to an early grave with a High-Fashion dress for prom. It was funny, sweet, Anya wanted to help, then Damian messed up again and she wanted revenge, you know, the usual.

Why? Who gave Tatsuya Endo the idea to give Bond MORE flashbacks?!!! Poor dog's been through a lot, the Forgers becoming his safe place is just beautiful. THE WAY HE AND ANYA RESONATE, BECAUSE THEY ARE BOTH SECRET EXPERIMENTATION SURVIVORS!!!!!! Fucking dog making me sad because a big ass Penguin plushy has stiches. Stupid dog making me emotional over fish, FUCKING FISH. I HATE FISH!!!!

SpyxFamily makes me happy and sad. I think it's a great story to show how connections, friends, family, define a person more than what we'd like to imagine. No person is an island, so seeing characters like Nightfall or Franky, doing missions or getting bits of their backstory, makes it feel more real. Having a character like Anya, being capable of reading mind but not truly understanding most of it makes you think about how children navigate the world.

Oh gosh, I could talk about how SpyxFamily shares an anti-war message through its main characters, all of them victims of the war, one way or another. But it won't, 'cause this was supposed to be about the dog having what I'd call panic attacks because he accidentally broke a glass. BUT WE GET TO THE PENGUIN. In case you haven't read the manga (why are you reading this?) or simply forgot, Bond broke Mr Penguin!

It was an act of jealousy, Anya started playing with the plushie more, and he got lonely. So he destroyed it. He might be an oracle dog, but he is still a dog, I don't blame him. And he felt Bad. He made Anya cry. And he felt terrible because he just wanted Anya back and now Anya's crying and he can't undo it (dogs can't sew). In the end they made it better. I don't remember if it was Lloyd, Yoru or the neighbors, it was probably Yoru though, who fixed it. And the Penguin got cool looking stiches and "he and Bond made Peace".

That was nice, UNTIL THIS GODDAMN CHAPTER. I used to wonder if Bond also felt survivor guilt from being the only dog that managed to escape. TURNS OUT HE DOES, THE DOG HAS SURVIVOR'S GUILT FFS!!!! Poor Bond, realized that he inflicted damage to something like him (unable to defend itself, new/young, a play pretend animal and an animal no longer treated as such) and he tried to make it better. I can't change what I did but I want you to feel better, I'm sorry.

I'm overanalyzing here, it's probably Not That Deep. It's a funny haha manga about a family of dangerous people who end up loving each other by accident. But sometimes it's about Lloyd burying himself in a nameless grave by the time he was 18. It's about Yoru sacrificing her innocence for her brother only to do the same for her. It's about Anya needing validation from everyone because if the people in the lab didn't like her they'd get rid of her. It's about Bond feeling lonely and distressed because a vision he got is especially terrible and he is just a Dog.

I read the interview where Tatsuya Endo said he didn't like the characters that much. Maybe not Gege Akutami (you're going dow Gege) levels of hate, but a blunt indifference. And sometimes I find that hard to believe. Maybe he didn't want Anya to be cutesy-dumb-pink-haired little girl, or Lloyd a super-intelligent-spy-ikemen at first, or even now. But I don't think he doesn't like his story, or characters; we wouldn't have the short missions in the first place if that were the case.

All this to say, cartoon dog made me sad, and then happy, because there are better things coming for everyone in the end. Thank you for reading this far! I'd recommend SpyxFamily if you are up to something a tad dramatic, with a happy ending and endearingly funny. (Or if you have issues with your parents and want a bit of escapism, that's also fair)

[kazoosandfannypacks]

"Wishing it Wasn't" by kazoosandfannypacks

Chapter 14/18: Something to Believe In Pairing: CaptainSwan Rating: Teen Word Count: (1K/19.5K) Summary: Season 2 Canon Divergence: When Neal tells Emma he has a fiancée, she claims to have a new boyfriend of her own, and blurts out the first fairytale name she can think of: Captain Hook. Killian agrees to this ruse, but when feelings grow between the two, will the con be more than they can handle? Chapter Summary: Killian rushes to Emma's side to let her know he believes in her, but he may be the only one who does- which will come with dire consequences Tags: season 2, canon divergence, gun violence, angst with a happy ending, fake dating, mild character death, mildly anti neal Author's notes: While writing this fic, I sent snippets of this scene to my best friend, basically explaining how I left Greg unconscious and handcuffed to a pipe and in that draft I'd never resolved that. I found out forty five minutes later that I had instead sent that information to our camp's discord server. Our camp director's name is Greg. Anyways enjoy this chapter lol someone had better 😅 Taglist: @zahara @kmomof4 @jonesfandomfanatic @booksteaandtoomuchtv @jrob64 @tiganasummertree @anmylica @teamhook @undercaffinatednightmare @gingerchangeling @lonelyspectator @caught-in-the-filter @ultraluckycatnd @cs-rylie @pirateprincessofpizza @pawshapedheart [if you'd like to be added to or removed from this list, hmu in my dms or askbox!]

Also on Ao3!

 Killian fumbled about with the handcuffs. He would've assumed the hard part of this job was dragging the unconscious man to a pipe in the wall to cuff him to, but instead he found that it was getting these blasted handcuffs around his wrists- not that they were difficult to use, even with one hand, but he was rushed, and frantic, because he heard the kerfuffle going down just around the corner, and he couldn't let Swan go through it alone again.

 "They don't believe her." He yelled through a whisper as he dragged the cuffs around a pipe in the wall then attached one end on Greg's other wrist. "They don't believe her!"

 He ran down the hall as fast as he could, knowing that Emma needed him- or, at the very least, she needed someone to believe in her, just some reminder that even when she felt like they all turned their backs on her- again- she wasn't alone.

 Admittedly, it seemed a compromising position he found Swan in- wielding a crowbar like a weapon while her ex's fianceé wept in his arms. Still, Killian ran in and stood by Emma's side.

 "I believe you." Killian said.

 Sure, she already knew he trusted her in this- he was the one who revealed it to her, after all- but she looked up at him, looked at him like he was some kind of safe haven, a haven of hope.

 "Emma's telling the truth," Killian added, "and you'd do well to trust her."

 "Oh yeah," Neal said. "Like I'm gonna trust you over the woman I love."

 His statement didn't matter to Killian- he was used to being insulted like that, used to not being trusted- but the verbal attack ricocheted right into Swan, right through her heart- watching the man she loved not believe her, then hearing him confess his love for another.

 "She's playing you, Neal!" Killian tried to reason. "She wants to get rid of all the magic in the realm and kill all of you to do it."

 "And how would you know that, pirate?" David asked.

 "She told me her whole plan." Hook said, ignoring David's usual judgments of him. "Thought I was on her side. But if I'm to get my revenge on the Crocodile, I'll do it on my own terms, and I'll fight fair."

 "I don't believe you." Neal said. "Either of you."

 "Dad?" Emma asked.

 Killian as well turned to David, hoping he would listen to his own daughter.

 "I'm sorry, Emma." David said. "We'll look into this later, but for now we should let Tamara go. She's had a troubling day already, I'm sure…."

 "No!" Emma said.

 "Emma." David responded, like a father correcting an insolent child. "We'll work this out. Calm down."

 "No," Emma said. "You're making a mistake."

 Killian watched Neal embrace Tamara, then walk away together.

 "We'll get this worked out once we get some more evidence, figure out what's going on…."

 "That won't be happening."

 This time it was Tamara who interrupted him. She pulled a gun out of a concealed jacket pocket and pushed Neal aside, back towards the rest of the group, gun pointed at all of them.

 "What are you doing?" Neal asked.

 "Can't have any loose ends, and the savior and the pirate know too much," Tamara said.

 Killian stepped in front of Emma, shielding her from Tamara.

 "But if I just take care of them," Tamara said, "it'll draw suspicion. Gotta finish the set. Might even buy us a little time."

 "Tamara?" Neal asked, sounding broken. "What are you doing?"

  "I have to keep magic out of this world, Neal." Tamara said. "It doesn't belong here."

 "You've been lying to me?" Neal asked.

 "Duh." Killian interjected.

 Neal ignored him. "How long have you been lying to me?"

 "Since the beginning." Tamara replied. "That coffee spill wasn't an accident."

 "You planned it all?" Neal asked. "None of it was real?"

 "I had a job to do." Tamara said. "An important one. Surely you understand, Magic is dangerous."

 "I won't let you do this." Neal said. "Not if Storybrooke goes down with it. I've got family here."

 "Good luck getting back to them." 

 "Back?" David asked.

 "Can't have any loose ends, and I'm not about to clean up messes."

 She reached into her pocket- and Killian knew what she kept there- a magic bean stolen from the dwarves' growing efforts. Using a bean for an escape didn't make sense- unless they were the ones she wanted to escape, through a portal made for them. And without them in the way, Tamara and Greg could pull off their scheme without difficulty- and that would be the end for Emma's family.

 "No!" Killian yelled. He ran at her to try and stop her, but forgot to take into account one thing- the gun Tamara was holding- and the bullet inside, the bullet that was quickly outside it- the bullet that quickly found its way into Killian's chest.

 He almost felt the shot before he heard the gun fire, almost didn't know what it meant until he hit the floor. He heard Swan call his name as he tumbled back, felt the blood pooling on his shirt. And he knew what would come next- she and the others would try to help him, a portal would open at their feet, and they'd lose any chance they had at saving the town. There was no way he could die knowing that his sacrifice meant the death of Emma's family.

 Fighting every instinct to scream in pain and call for help, he tried to get them to run from him.

 "Get back!" He said. "She's got a bean!"

 Before anyone could question him, he heard the subtle clatter of the bean against the floor, and could already feel its woosh, pulling him in, hoping his death would be alone, that the heroes wouldn't be pulled in with him, that they'd get to Tamara in time to save the day.

[cptcharisma]

i was bored so i ruined dinner on purpose (t/cw: inc*st)

it's been over a year since i took a very serious situation plaguing our fandom (i feel weird using that word). some tried to shame me back, some labelled me a bully, but called me a child (how do you let a child bully you on adam cole's internet?)...I GOT MY PASTA THREATENED? i was also BLOCKED (GASP) on archive but the only thing i can't do is kudos their works. the history function is my best friend, sarahcakes. it also shows that blocking on archive doesn't do squat, you're better off blocking me on here. just like orange-catsidy did! i'm going through a mcmg phase and this hoe is EVERYWHERE. it's funny though i can laugh and boy i do it hard.

so what progress has been made?

other than changing a url after the claim of having no shame, almost 90% of all b*cksc*st fics on ao3 are now being published under anonymous! people who write shit like this should not feel safe and welcomed in our community. you can argue that "it's just fanfic" all you want but at the end of the day you're the gross and weird one.

but anyways I feel like i should swing back around for my baby's big one.

WELCOME TO:

THE NO SHAME SPEED ROUND

it's in the name. you know their crimes. call me what you want but i'm not disgusting like you are. plus these are just archive accs so the tumblrs will just fall into my lap bcause grrr i'm what's wrong with the fandom today!

let's play a guessing game. one of our contestants led us to our first ever double whammy and the other's catalogue is NECK DEEP (high?) with b*ckc*est. it doesn't matter both of these mfers are weird.

if you were being gifted incestuous fics you know you're not safe either btw. bcause it's like you knew and you probably asked about it. so splat.

incestuous fics don't even stop at just the bucks of youth, think of any duo that's irl related...it's up there festering on archive. i promised i would tackle other authors in a year old post so i have to deliver.

i miss it when me and madison were the only gunn club stans bc now you got weirdos writing shit like this. [shame]

and this is funny! THEY WRITE BUCKCEST TOO! they wrote 16 fics that fall into the all elite wrestling category and like 11/12 are strictly buckcest. i read one of their hangmatt fics too i didn't even know!

i was in the airport the other day doing a daily check for fics and found this so that was a hoot.

bc i don't live my life on the internet and have an actual life i'll stop right here. if i find more or anything i aforementioned, well yk the deal.

if you have a problem honestly my dms are open, my inbox is open (anon off i'm anti scary hoe), you can tag me, etc etc. the only downside to that is that i don't use this app like i used to like 2-3 years ago. so if you wanna be famous you're gonna have to pray to god i breathe life into your shitty ass ask. this was posted on a monday so i might see it bc i'm on here looking at pictures during raw.

have a great day and fuck max caster!

[addictofanimation]

I'm A Little Upset...

The anti kaeluc and anti luckae tags aren't even safe. Like, at all. This is a bit of a long one, so ignore it if you don't want to read this monstrosity.

I tried to look up some brotherly posts again and the tag is just filled with people hating "antis" and making all kinds of excuses to ship them and even trying to make arguments for it like eremika and guys who fall for their childhood friends. I myself don't really care for eremika and don't really watch AoT unless it's just the scene where Eren transforms for the first time, but did Eren ever consider Mikasa a sister? Did he ever refer to her that way? Or did his mother just help take care of Mikasa because she thought she would be all alone if she didn't? Besides (spoiler), they don't even get together in the end. Eren apparently got together with some other chick and even had a child with her.

What they ignore is that I usually don't like ships where they consider each other family then turn around and fall in love. I don't care if it's m/m, f/f, m/f, or whatever. It's strange and sends all kinds of mixed messages that can screw with a person's head and alter how they see things, especially if they are easily influenced. Not to mention that most of them are fujoshis anyway, not even LGBTQ people. Just straight girls who find it hot when two guys they want to screw, screw each other.

Some of the points they make are nonsensical too. Like relying on their color pallets or completely ignoring how Kaeya's profile has already been corrected of mistranslations, but the fact that he was adopted wasn't changed. Why would it take them over a year to fix a mistranslation? And why would they tell people who ask if Diluc and Kaeya are brothers (myself included), that they are and that they are adopted brothers? Kaeya canonically has referred to Crepus as his father and a Chinese fan has even pointed out that their mother (who spoke much better Chinese than they did) said that Kaeya referred to Diluc and Crepus as his adoptive brother and adoptive father.

It just boggles my mind that they have stooped so low that the only real defense that they try to make is by calling us racist. It's like they forget how anti-gay China is. Sworn brothers weren't invented as a BL trope or just so that gay Chinese people could fly under the radar, though I acknowledge that it's used for that too in recent decades or possibly centuries. It's older than that, much older. Even looking it up describes the bond as familial and it would honestly be pretty dang weird if it wasn't considering "brother" is in the term.

The only real-life comparison I can think of is if you had an adopted sibling that you adored when both of you were younger, practically joined at the hip. Then the two of you have a serious fight at eighteen and go your separate ways. Then when you meet again about three years later, everyone tells you that it's okay to get between the sheets with them because "you're not blood-related anyway, so it doesn't matter."

If someone told me to sleep with my adopted sibling, I'd punch their teeth out their mouth and have my siblings help me curb stomp them just to make a point. Not really, I'm a wimp who can't really fight even if I'm heavy-handed enough to hurt people around me by accident. I could probably be a pretty good fighter if I took the time to learn, but I'm way too lazy. I prefer to read, play video games, watch anime, and go for walks to get some exercise in. One of my siblings has handed my behind to me on a silver platter during the two physical fights we've gotten into.

I'm not gonna test somebody I don't know. That's how I wind up dead in a ditch somewhere. Or dismembered and scattered across the country and never recovered until much later.

Once again, I'd just like to point out that I do not go to these blogs, tweets, or posts to scream about how they are brothers and hurl death threats. I usually ignore them and go about my day. But it's getting really frustrating that I can't find any platonic Diluc and Kaeya content without kaeluc or luckae vastly outnumbering it and making it extremely hard to find. Even the Diluc and Kaeya are Siblings tag on AO3 isn't safe. While I don't hate them, I am getting really tired of their actions.

[ottitty]

idk if I'm gonna see the answer to this one, but I've been having a bit of a prolonged gender crisis lately. I've identified as butch for a long time but something still didn't feel right. then I slowly came to terms with my evident gender dysphoria and began identifying as non-binary (on the androgynous side) since more or less 3-4 years. now I've began to see signs for me being actually on the masc side, and potentially a guy, and it just stresses me out a bit. my lesbianism is also really important to me and part of the reason I didn't step into boy territory but now I may no longer be attracted to girls (as in aspec) so like?! it's crazy out here. I ask myself if I'd be happier as a guy, and it feels like the only way to find out is to try (that's how I found out I'm nb!), but I unfortunately no longer have the safe space to do so. I'm kind of just, idling, introspecting, and waiting for me to have a new safe space where I can explore this new possibility. I feel like something that throws me off however is that I somehow landed in a part of the trans community that isn't necessarily anti gnc, but is like, "if you want to express in a more masculine way that means you're a guy and should transition" and I'm like ohhhhh shit. but then I go into the butch tag and it's like Ah. Wait. I'm already among my people. But it doesn't feel right to completely discard the idea of be being a guy either, y'know? I don't want to bury a potential part of myself. Besides, I'm starting to feel reeeeeaaaaally disconnected from womanhood and women in general, so like. :[] TL;DR: not sure if I'm nb or a trans guy. my lesbianism plays into this mess. oh dear.

So, first of all, congrats on making those first steps into figuring things out. Its really, really hard, I get it.

If you dont mind me giving a little anecdote and advice-

Before I realized I was Not A Woman, I didn't have the same language of like... butch and everything? And the same community, but I identified as a lesbian, had come out and everything, but then when I realized I wasnt a woman went "oh god wait. But im a lesbian. Its what I identify as."

I'm not a lesbian. I'm an aroace nonbinary guy, but it kind of helped to realize that there's no set "rules" for gender. You can be nonbinary and a lesbian, you can be masc and not transition, you can be aspec and lesbian, hell.

You also don't have to know who you are right off the bat. If you realize this leads to something, cool! If you realize you're a cis woman and/or lesbian after all? Thats super valid! Reguardless of where you end up, its perfectly fine and healthy to explore, just make sure you're doing it in a place thats safe and comfortable for you!

Either way, kind of learning how to embrace all sides of you, rather than what you think it should be, can really help and may bring out things you don't expect. Like you said, no way to know until you try.

You don't have to "stay within the lines"- you can express yourself masculine as hell or go on the complete opposite spectrum. You can make accounts trying out new pronouns/names (a thing people will sometimes do on tumblr is a "pronoun dressing room" where you ask someone "hey, can you use x name with y pronouns" and see how it fits! - edit: found this website, if you're interested!), reach out to other trans men and women and nonbinary people alike, whatever helps! Honestly, I used to write self inserts where I was a guy or nonbinary, as well as draw it.

-

Also the whole "if you want to express in a more masculine way, then you should transition" bit-

That kills me a bit, tbh. I used to be in those spaces and... god, they can turn toxic sometimes. I mean, they're often well-intentioned, dont get me wrong, but two things: 1) gender expression and gender identity are two different things, 2) you're the only one who gets to figure out what those Feelings and that sense of gender means for you.

Getting into these communities is definitely intimidating, at first. Theres a part of it where you have to learn what you value and what you believe, and then figure out how to kind of filter out the bullshit from there. There's all sorts of people, and not everyone you're going to agree with, but thats okay!

If you can't find a community that supports you, I highly recommend making one of your own! Reach out through a post, or maybe even see if theres butches out there who are dysphoric and/or exploring some of the similar gender shit you are.

I honestly don't know what you've got going on personally, but the anonyminity Tumblr offers can be nice for this reason, if you've got struggles in real life.

-

Gender stuff is... a mess, tbh. It's hard shit to figure out, and for some it's a lifelong journey, others they kinda know it right away. Whatever that ends up for you, thats okay! It's part of being a human being- change and growth.

I hope you can find some peace with it, though! Especially the dysphoria, it's really hard shit to deal with sometimes.

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

Welcomed Distraction

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Damon Salvatore x Reader

Word count: 1.7K

Warnings: Mentions of plotting murder but nothing else?

Author’s note: Welcome to fluff week! And here is how we're gonna start the week off. With a very Anti-Valentines day fic. What other way is there to start this holiday? XD I swear this is the only anti vday fic I have for this week. It is kinda Vday centered, so it's not like ya'll are missing out. Plus I needed this scenario. And I could only picture Damon for this so, here you go!

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things

Flires covered the halls with posters for the dance this weekend. The Bitter Ball was meant for all of those that were heartbroken could get together and express how much they hated Valentine's Day. Of course those that celebrated were going to be out on their dates, spending their time with their loved ones.

Y/N wouldn’t be going out on a fancy date. Nor would she be spending her time at the Bitter Ball. It wasn’t like she had recently experienced heartbreak that would make her want to attend the dance. She was just single.

She had tried proving several times that there was nothing wrong with it. But of course her friends had tried setting her up with someone days before, but it didn’t end up working out. And Y/N actually preferred that. Why spend the money to show off how much you love someone on one specific day.

This way she could stay home for the night. It meant she could stay in her pajamas and binge watch whatever was on Netflix that caught her interest. There was no need to get dressed up for anyone and that was how she wanted it. All that was needed was an assortment of junk food and a drink of her choice.

And it was as Y/N was getting ready to plop into her bed and begin watching a serial killer documentary when there was a knock at her door. For a brief moment, she thought of just ignoring it and climbing into bed. But the other part of her believed that if it was anyone had to come find her, it must have been important and left her room to go answer the door.

Her eyebrow raised as she took in Damon Salvatore standing on the opposite side. She could see he had obviously been dressed for the Bitter Ball. The all black outfit had given that away seeing as it was a requirement for it.

“You know, when I was told everyone was heading to the Bitter Ball, I was surprised not to see you there.” Damon said as he leaned against the doorframe.

“I’m not bitter.” Y/N said as she took a step back to allow him to enter her home. “I’m single. There’s a difference.”

“I doubt everyone that’s there isn’t exactly bitter.” He said as he walked in.

Y/N chuckled and shook her head. “Caroline is bitter.” She noted. “You on the other hand, I can't exactly figure out why you’d want to go to the anti-valentines day ball.”

It was his turn to chuckle. “A bitter heart tends to lead to nights of very entertaining activities.” A smirk pulled at his lips, causing her to roll her eyes. “I mostly went because I thought my partner in crime would be there to be miserable with me. But she wasn’t there and when I found her, she’s ready to veg out without so much as giving me an invite.”

Her eyebrow raised. “I never took you for wanting to stay in and just eat junk food while watching serial killer documentaries.”

“Not with just anyone.” He said with a shrug. “But with you, I’d do it.”

Y/N eyed him a moment. For as long as she had known the man standing in front of her, she had never just been content to just sit there and watch documentaries. After a few seconds she nodded her head. “100 says you’ll get bored and start complaining about some of the cases.”

Damon laughed and shook his head. “That’s a bet I’ll take and even win.”

“Somehow I doubt that.” She said with a shake of her head as she began making her way back towards her room with him in tow.

As they both had settled into Y/N’s bed, Damon had every intention of winning the bet. If it meant he could spend some time with Y/N, he was going to do so. At least that was until they got some details wrong about a case that he had personally had a part in and that seemed to irk him.

A smirk had pulled at Y/N’s lips as she watched him from the corner of her eye. She could see the way his face either scrunched up in disbelief at the facts that had been pouring out of the narrator. Or even the way he sat up straighter and crossed his arms over his chest. It was in complete contrast to how laidback and comfortable Y/N had been.

“Just admit it, you’re ready to complain.” Y/N said as she never took her eyes off the tv.

Damon shook his head. “Never. Just really getting into this amazing documentary with all the wrong facts.”

Y/N laughed and stuck out her hand towards him. “That was a complaint. And I’ll take my money now.”

“That was not a complaint.” He said shaking his head as he looked over at her. “That was merely an observation.”

“An observation, my ass.” She chuckled. “That was a complaint on how they have the wrong information.”

“One would say that’s an observation that they gave credit to a serial killer, when in fact it was a Vampire.” He said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“What other observations do you have to voice?” She asked with a raised brow knowing she was about to win the bet.

“For one, they managed to say this guy had over 50 victims when, let’s be honest is more like 10 and was given credit for some that were not in fact his.” Damon continued on with every ‘observation’ he noticed during the first hour of what they’ve seen.

It was as Y/N rolled over on her stomach and propped her head on her fist, and a small smirk pulled at her lips that Damon realized he had gone into a full blown tangent on just how wrong the documentary had been. He had stopped mid sentence and took in her position and shook his head.

“Fine, you win.” He said with a roll of his eyes.

She began laughing away at his reaction and her laughter grew at seeing the slightest pout form on his lips. Damon was the one that usually won bets against a lot of people. But when it came to Y/N, she somehow won them. Even when her odds were against her.

The group used to say that was her supernatural ability. To be able to make bets go in her favor. But Y/N was as ordinary as they came. She wasn’t a relative of anyone special, she wasn’t descended from any kind of witch coven or royalty. She was as human as they came and she preferred that.

The moment the laughter died down, Damon watched her for a moment. “Want to talk about it?” He asked, keeping his attention on her.

His words hadn’t caught her off guard. She had been expecting them from the moment he had shown up at her door. But even then, her face fell and she looked away from him as she thought about it.

She may not have been bitter, but Y/N had gone through a bad heartbreak almost a year ago. One that left her broken in a way she’d never believed she would ever feel. That had been before she met the Salvatores and found out about the world she now lived in. While her friends had known about it, they always tried to get her back on the horse. But she never had been ready to do it.

“I don’t think I am.” She said with a shake of her head. “One day I’ll be able to talk about it without reliving it.” Even as she spoke of it now, she felt an emotion bubbling within her. “That time is just not right now.”

Damon laid back on the bed so that he was leveled with her. “You know I could always make him some serial killer’s next victim.”

Y/N chuckled and shook her head. “I think that would complete your previous offers of compelling, eating him and ripping his heart out.”

He smirked. “Just say the word, point me in the right direction and it’s done. No questions asked.”

“I’m surprised someone hasn’t done it already.” Knowing her friends, she was expecting it. Especially with the way everyone went behind each other’s backs from time to time to make sure they were safe.

“Oh, we’ve been tempted.” He said with a nod. “Okay, mostly me, but that’s because I'm impulsive and usually don’t care what other people say.”

“What stopped you this time?” She asked, curious. As Damon had said, he did things without thinking. And the fact that he had thought about doing so from time to time and not actually doing it had surprised Y/N.

“Because, believe it or not, while I’m impulsive and do things behind the backs of the people I care about, I don’t think I’d be able to handle your reaction afterwards.” He nodded his head. “I can handle everyone else being angry with me, or even hating me for a period of time, but I don’t think I could handle it coming from you.”

Y/n nodded her head as she took in his words. “I don’t think I could hate you, Damon. You could go out there and kill him tonight without me knowing and I still wouldn’t hate you for it. I’d probably thank you in the morning once I found out.”

“Well,” He said with a smirk pulling at his lips. “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard someone be okay with murder.”

She chuckled as she pointed towards the still playing documentary. “It would be interesting to see what details they’d get wrong when you’re the culprit.”

While she may have been only slightly joking, the whole conversation had distracted her from the hurt that she had been secretly hiding from the others. Planning out a revenge with a vampire was the last thing she had been expecting to do tonight. But the way it happened showed she was getting better.

Because creating a hypothetical murder scene with a vampire is just the next step of the healing process.

Always and Forever Tags:

@taylordrunkonwhiskey @thewolf-and-thesheep @wayward-dan @neeadinghugs @fafulous @kenmen02 @elizamonet @dora-the-grownup @mschellehitt @xanderling @fandom-princess-forevermore @buckysarm4 @hi-my-name-is-riley @helenasingers @mrs-jackson-kenner @hellotvshowtrash @dpaccione @dumble-daddy @theactressstaringinyourbaddream @maldita-world @nikmikaelsonswife @mikaelson-emma @elijahs-wife @moon-child-writer @xoxo-nikki-xoxo @njeancastro316

[trutimeline]

idislikecispeople, The Most Infamous Dyscourse Blogger: Part 1.0, Rumors

idislikecispeople, also known as many names throughout her time on Tumblr (such as Adele, Kat, Mami, Samantha and Sayaka), was a former Tumblr blogger who became infamous for coining the term "tucute", among many other controversial things she has posted on her blogs. This was supposed to be one, very long masterpost about her, but Tumblr's post editor is a bitch and won't let me do that.

In this post, I'll be debunking or confirming rumors commonly spread about idislikecispeople. The rest of my posts about her will each be dedicated to a specific controversial belief she held or situations she got into. For simplicity's sake, I'll be referring to idislikecispeople as Kat for the rest of this post and future ones.

Rumors

Kat Coined the Terms "Truscum" and "Tucute"

Verdict: Partially True

Kat coined the term tucute, but she did not coin the terms truscum or transmedicalist.

Here's a screenshot of Kat's original definition of a tucute:

Transcript:

What is Tucute?

What does tucute mean?

Tucute is basically just the opposite of truscum, it’s a term and community for trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis individuals created to separate anti-truscum from truscum and to serve as a safe place from truscum and from cis people, where they believe that being trans requires dysphoria, we do not,where they think that being trans is a medical condition, we do not,and where they deny numerous gender identities on the basis that it “discredits the trans community” we do not.

What are the prerequisites to be a part of the tucute community?

You have to be trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis in general

You have to accept all pronouns and gender identities

You haveto believe that dysphoria is not necessary to be trans

You have to dislike truscum

You cannot side with truscum or believe in their ideology

You cannot misgender anyone no matter how mad they make you

You cannot be an ableist whatsoever

Did you invent the tucute community? Why?

I indeed did coin the tucute term and community and anyone who says otherwise are creeps who are trying to steal it from me and redefine it for their own nefarious doings. I started this community so anti-truscum could separate themselves from truscum and cis people who are a part of the truscum community, it serves as a safe space from both truscum and cis people.

I’m cis, can I be tucute if I believe in your movement and want to help?

No, you can’t be tucute if you’re cis, you can only be a tucute ally, and you need to be sure to never speak for or over a trans person.

I see a lot of tucuties being just as harmful as truscum, what will you do about it?

There isn’t much I can do to them other than ask them to stop aligning with the tucute community, and of course, that doesn’t mean they will. Also be noted that truscum and cis people will pretend to be tucute just to tarnish the name of the tucute community, so tread lightly, you might be talking to a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Spread the word, use the tag #tucute and join the army today!

[A digital drawing of Sayaka Miki from Puella Magi Madoka Magica in her magical girl form, with a banner underneath her reading "Tucute 4 U!"]

(source) (source)

Kat Was a Cisgender Woman Who Lied About Being a Transgender Woman

Verdict: False

This rumor primarily comes from a post on Kat's oldest known Tumblr blog, chromaghost, where she claims that she wasn't MTF and only tagged a selfie as such because she thought that transgender people were "cool".

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: are you a mtf? i seen it tagged on one of your photos.

No lol. I wanted to post it to the tag because transgender people are cool :3

(source) (source) (source)

However, Kat addressed this post and made it clear she very much was a transgender woman multiple times on her later blogs. This claim can also be confirmed with nude photos Kat posted online, which I don't feel comfortable spreading, so you'll just have to trust me on that one. I also don't feel comfortable directly encouraging you to go and dig up those nudes, as most of her nude photos were either taken when she was a minor, spread without her consent and/or were uploaded because people pressured her into posting nudes to "prove" she was a transgender woman.

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: you bound with ace bandage in one of your selfies. i don't know what to think about you anymore. according to some people you're a 27 year old cis woman scamming us, but you say you're a 22 year old trans woman. i want to trust you but i don't know if i can. i'm sorry.

Rest assured I’m not 27 years old lol. What you’re referring to is a less than graceful ~art piece~ we did (”Playing a Boy” or something) on deviantART when we were 16/17 (?) and really ill-informed. I ask you to not take that as how I stand currently – as I have learned so much more since, and I have a penis and I was designated male at birth because of it (feel free to purchase a passcode to our nsfw blog to see for yourself). At the time we were developing breast tissue but still had to appear as a ‘boy.’ Don’t bind with Ace bandages, kids, it can damage your rib cage, something we didn’t know at the time.

(source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of two prescriptions, estradiol and spironolactone, both prescribed to Adele Sheffield.]

grandtran still gonna think I photoshopped it or what

(source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: In other words, you aren't gonna cough up the pics because you know you can't fake that shit because you're actually cis. Cool. BTW why do you keep changing your story about the blog, and if the blog was run by you when you were in denial about being trans because of self hate, why were the pics tagged mtf and you were constantly saying trans people were cool?

Yeah I’m not gonna do something for y’all and get nothing in return except more doubt from you, you see how one sided that kind of request is? Also its technically considered sexual harassment, just because its on the internet, you’re a coward (whats your username btw?), and you think I’m cis and you want me to prove time and time again to you that I’m dmab doesn’t justify sexually soliciting someone when they’re not comfortable in being solicited – for free no less.

At first I genuinely had no memory of that blog, it was only active for all of 2 months and for some reason I moved onto a new email and new tumblr, and I haven’t the foggiest why. As for the whole “me claiming to not be ~mtf~” I don’t have any memories from that time, I can only assume it was a lot of dysphoria fueled self-hatred and wanting to be seen/pass as a cis girl lesbian.

If you’re really gonna solicit nudes from a trans woman (a second time) as they do sex work to try and stay on their feet without offering anything in return just so your transmisogynistic ass can get off to trying to tell me my dick is fake isn’t classy at all. I perish the thought of what you’re parents would think of this behavior from you. But yeah, feel free to send some money to my paypal so I can get the gender markers on my records changed because that’s gonna cost a lot apparently, and I’ll definitely send you the dick pics you want. :)

(source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of a a hospital bracelet on Kat's wrist. The patient's name is Adele Sheffield and her sex is labeled as "M".]

(source)

Kat Lied About Having Diabetes To Get Money From Tumblr Users

Verdict: False

This doesn't need much commentary from me, just view the screenshots below.

Transcript:

To the people who keep harping on me buying a $15 video game for my mental health 7 MONTHS ago “with my donation money,” well, here you go, some proof, links and screenshots provided

So for everyone spreading misinformation about me spending $15 on a video game for my mental health, here’s a full list of reasons why there is no way, shape, or form I spent my paypal money on it:

Yes, I spent $15 of my own money after selling one of my possessions, not denying it:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she shows off a copy of Fall Out: New Vegas, marked with a price of $14.99. The date of the post is marked as July 21, 2014 at 06:28.39 PM.]

Be sure to look at the date, July 21st, 2014 6:28 PM. Now lets look at my first donation post asking for help:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she asks for donations to be able to afford insulin because she has no insurance. The date of the post is marked as July 20, 2014 at 08:14.00 PM.]

Hmm, one day before the purchase of said game, July 20th 2014 at 8:14 PM. Now, I’ve never heard of a video game store — much less a non-chain video game store accepting payment for video games in the form of virtual Amazon gift cards, have you? Oh, but you’re gonna say, “well you bought the game with your paypal donations anyway!” Well, here’s exhibit C:

[Another screenshot of a separate post made by Kat where she is also asking for donations to be able to afford insulin. The date of the post is marked as July 23, 2014 at 12:27.46 PM.]

Again, looking at the date of this posting which is the original donations post, you can see it was posted on July 23rd, 2014 at 12:27 PM, a full 2 days after I had bought the game. Now, if there’s no way for me to use Amazon gift cards for a real life video game store, then how can I go back in time a minimum of 2 full days to give past me $15 to buy said game, hm? This isn’t even accounting for the fact that I didn’t even have my own bank account associated with it until over a week later, and it surely doesn’t account for the fact that it takes up to 5 days to transfer from paypal to your bank account. All the dates are linked to the original unedited posts so you can see for yourself, and for added measure my first deposit was on August 14th, 2014:

[A screenshot of a deposit made by Kat. The date is marked as 08/14/14.]

Oh but yeah, anti-sjs, truscum, and the like took damniwishidthoughtofabettername’s postthey used to gaslight us with misinformation and you all bought it. Tell me how I could misuse donations that I could not use outside of Amazon and money I didn’t even start receiving until a full two days later, let alone the fact that there’s no way I could have transferred said money and used it two days prior as of the date of the paypal donations post.

I hope some of y’all could reblog this and get the word out, I’m sick and tired of people buying into that misinformation that person did solely to gaslight me as a means to try and disrupt my donations drive.

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A selfie of Kat holding up a vial of Novolin to the camera.]

Hey anon, I don’t feel comfy giving you my receipts (because doxxing is a thing) but here you go, a selfie with my most recent insulin purchase. 👽

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: Getting desperate for money again I see. How is your fake diabetes lately. I bet your blood sugar is like 800 this time and you're still able to be alive somehow.

You got me, I’m ~totally faking~

[A selfie of Kat. In the background several items used by diabetics are seen such as insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.]

[A picture that gives us a closer look at the background of the previous selfie.]

[A selfie of Kat holding up two vials, one of Lantus and the other of Humalog.]

Gee, must be one dedicated faker, right? To have hundreds of dollars of insulin equipment and insulin itself. Hmmm… Insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.. oh and insulin, hmmmm….

Oh and because you didn’t learn from last time you don’t die instantly when your blood sugar goes over 600 lol, something anyone who studies endocrinology can tell you, and I would know, being a diabetic, having to be hospitalized numerous times for ketoacidosis where the blood sugar has been too high for too long. Things you clearly do not know and you’re just jumping on the disableist bandwagon. I have an idea of who you are anyway, just doing this for future reference.

(source)

[hawksugarbaby]

INFO / RULES

Hi! Realised I should probably put some rules and info around here for newbies... or oldies who just don't know so here ya go!

Info

Main blog: @pebble-of-gold

Wattpad account: @carvelpebble

Call me Brogan Or pebble

Im non-binary I use they/them pronouns.

From UK I say stuff Like mum instead of mom most of the time

I write BNHA, Marvek, JJK, but I will write other stuff and I intend on it.

None of my stuff is edited really, I go over bits and pieces but there's no first, second, third draft it's just wham, bam, and upload.

If you ever see the names Brogan or MacDonald in a fic please let me know. I put in the name and then find and replace so in the instance you see the names I've forgotten to find and replace. Let me know so I can fix it.

Rules

Generally this blog is for 18+ but I'm not gonna block you if your not, heres why!

Homophobes, Terfs, Queerphobics, Racists, Sexists, Anti-Vaxxers and Anti-Abortionist are prohibited from this blog.

We do not discuss Religion or politics here.

Asks are open! Most asks will be under the tag #pebblepeeps

I only have 5 request spots open at a time for both tumblr and wattpad. If one request is taken on wattpad its also taken on tumblr.

Request through Asks or DM's.

I refuse to write scat, emetophilia (vomit), Age play, pedophilia, incest, (pseudo-incest is different).

A very personal one but DO NOT joke about abortion on this blog.

Please don't vent to me about any issues your dealing with. I can barely handle my own issues.

If you're uncomfortable with something or want specific TW's please ask I'll happily include them!

If I've said something offensive accidentally and not realised PLEASE TELL ME! I'd much rather be told and go educate myself than hurt other people!

Other than that this blog is a place for fun! We want to have a good time and I know those rules look like a lot but all of them are there for either my or your safety. I want this blog to be a safe space for everyone who finds it and a comfortable place for everyone.

Also, Im not afraid to explore shit. This blog WILL have monsterfucking, sacrilege, Mythology AU's, Dubcon, noncon, pseudo-incest. The Tw's, chapter warnings, cut, and chapter key (smut, fluff, angst) are all there so you can avoid things that make you uncomfortable without coming into my asks and complaining about me writing it.

Please enjoy your time in the Library!

[alastanor]

Thanks for tagging me @thalfox this took me a long time to finish, and I'm gonna be dog tired in the morning, but it was worth it. Lol. Hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it.

1 • What is your MC’s name? What is their name origin? What does it mean (if it ever has a meaning).

❄ Eirlys is Welsh for "Snowdrop" and it is pronounced as either Eye-r-liss, or Aye-r-liss. Depending on which part of Wales you hear the name.

2 • When is their birthday? How old are they? What about their zodiac sign? (bonus point if you give their rising or even their birth/natal chart)

♋ She was born March 10th, and she is a Pisces.

As for her age, this one has more to do with RAD. RAD stands for Royal Academy of Diavolo. An academy, if you search the definition, is typically a school of higher learning or secondary education. Like a college, if you will. But Academy doesn't always refer to a sort of college. In some cases, it can also apply to a High School. My theory is that RAD is a mixture of both. A sort of college, but with hints of High School-esque scheduling and culture. Or perhaps it can function as both. I tend to lean toward the latter, in which case I make Eirlys somewhere between 20 and 23 years old.

3 • What is your MC’s gender? And what are their sexual/romantic preferences?

Eirlys identifies primarily as female with she/her pronouns. She is demisexual, and considers herself panromantic. However, she puts a heavy emphasis on romance.

(Me personally, I don't mind they/them pronouns though I typically identify with she/her. I am also demisexual but biromantic.)

4 • What is your MC’s race? (human, demon, angel, other). If human, what are their nationality and origins?

💁‍♀️Eirlys is human. As for nationality, origins, heritage, etc... Eirlys grew up in Japan, though she herself is not ethnically Japanese.

5 • Before coming to Devildom, what was their occupation? (job, studies…)

📖 Eirlys worked part time in her school's library while attending classes full time at a college overseas.

6 • Height? Weight? Describe their body type.

Eirlys is 5'3" (160 cm) and roughly 110 lbs (49.8 kgs). Her body type would best be described as a triangle/pear shape (slim chest, breasts on the smaller side, while body widens out into voluptuous hips).

7 • Who is/are your MC’s love interest(s) (if they ever have one). Summarise their dynamic.

💛 Eirlys found Mammon irritating when she first met him, and became increasingly frustrated at how he looked down on her for being a human. But over time, as she got to know him, she came to enjoy his conversation and his company. He made her laugh, and despite being a demon he was so full of energy and life that Eirlys found not just refreshing but endearing. Before long, she realized she had fallen in love with him despite the protests of his brothers regarding her taste in men.

🧡 Leviathan was another of the brothers Eirlys found infuriating, not just in how he also looked down on her for being human, but how often he whined and complained about seemingly everything when they first met. But like Mammon, the more she got to know him, the more she found she had in common with Leviathan. Falling asleep on his shoulder watching anime with him in his room, or enjoying his company while playing games, has made it increasingly difficult not to love him in some capacity even if she loves Mammon more. Because of this, she allows Leviathan to believe she would never be interested in him. As cruel as that might be for both of them.

💜 Belphegor, on the other hand, she is fully aware of how he feels about her. She keeps it platonic between them, because even though she has forgiven him for his deceit and his attempt to kill her not once- but twice, she cannot forget it. The memory sours any thoughts of being more than just friends. Somewhere deep in his heart, she is sure Belphie knows this. And deeply regrets it.

8 • Does your MC have any specific appearance features? (Scars, marks, anything else)

She has skin pale as fresh snow, fluffy light pink hair like sweet cotton candy, and clear pale celeste blue/aquamarine colored eyes.

Beyond this, there is nothing remotely remarkable or striking about her.

9 • Does your MC have any disabilities? (physical, mental health, etc). How do they deal with it?

Eirlys has suffered some trauma in the past which has led to some issues. Don't want to give too much away as I am in the process of writing a fic.

10 • How do you imagine your MC’s voice? Describe it.

Her voice is gentle and light. Silvery, dulcet tones might be a good way to describe it. Her voice will get rather harsh and stentorian if she is angry enough.

11 • Does your MC have any tattoos or piercings? Just tell us more about it!

She has pierced ears on her lobes, she was never brave enough to get any in the cartilage as much as she wanted them. Her skin reacts badly to many kinds of metals, a kind of skin allergy, so she can never keep piercings in for very long.

12 • Describe their clothing style (if they have a favorite style). Do they have specific accessories Bonus question: how do they wear RAD uniform?

To sum it up, Eirlys dresses in typically classic chic style with a touch of hipster or grunge here and there.

For her uniform, Eirlys keeps it looking crisp and sleek. These would be good examples. Of fashion types and how she wears her uniform.

The RAD uniform images, the not quite RAD uniform one on the right, I thought the skirt may be more in line with what the uniform used. Versus the pencil skirt-esque look on the left. The boots on the right would also be more akin to what Eirlys would wear.

Is your MC able to use magic? If so, are they skilled? How do they learn? Were they able to use it before coming to Devildom?

🔮 Eirlys is still learning about her abilities, abilities that have not fully awoken though they had been stirred when Solomon allowed her to use his powers. Using his powers was like the catalyst to tapping into a yet untapped wellspring. Though the water from that wellspring has yet to fully come forward.

Before that, Eirlys fully believed she was just another unremarkable human with nothing special about her, as Lucifer often said.

14 • Describe your MC’s parents (names, jobs, personalities). Do they have any siblings? What is their relationship with their family?

🎀 From what Eirlys knows of her parents through stories, her parents loved one another very much. Her mother had been her father's first love in college, and years later they had her. However, when she was still very young her family had been killed by a reckless drunk driver while visiting other family. Eirlys was taken in by her aunt, who worked as a fashion consultant in Tokyo.

15 • How many languages do they speak? Which ones?

🀄 English and Japanese, though she is wanting to learn how to read Devilish and Celestial.

16 • What is their relationship with each brother?

I already mentioned Mammon, Levi, and Belphie above. So I will leave them out here.

🖤 Lucifer - When Eirlys first met Lucifer, she didn't know what to make of him. All she knew was that he was intimidating and likely very dangerous. It took a lot of time for her to not only come to trust Lucifer and feel safe around him, but to like him and understand his motives behind his methods. But Lucifer was never her type, and instead she looks to him now like a younger sister to a reliable older brother. Even if that older brother can be mildly sadistic in his teasing.

💚 Satan - After being introduced to Satan, Eirlys did find him attractive and was excited to find another bookworm even here among all the demons. However, after she was introduced to Satan and came to find Satan smiled when he was angry, she found communicating with him equally as intimidating as Lucifer's threats. Trying to figure out when he was angry and when he was genuinely happy really did a number on her anxiety, and eventually kept her from really communicating with him overmuch for an extended length of time. It wasn't until later that she tried getting to know him better, and coming to find the source of all his anger. That information became the catalyst and foundation to their continuously building and growing friendship.

❤ Beelzebub - Beel has ever been the sweet one, even if he was a bit more distant when they first met. Beel was never outright cold or condescending to Eirlys, and the closer they became the sweeter he became. Before long, she found just how considerate and gentle Beel truly was. Despite this, Beel never appealed to her romantically. Instead, much like Lucifer, she looks to Beel as a gentle and reliable brother of sorts.

💗 Asmodeus - His penchant for lechery always threw Eirlys off balance, being the non-sexual type. When she first met him and found he was the Avatar of Lust, her first instinct was to keep ten yards between them at all times. Asmodeus was the wild card in the deck of seven for Eirlys, because though he has tendencies toward the egotistical side, she can never fully peg him. Even after getting to know him and forming a bond with him. Asmodeus, she found, has ever been able to tell when something he did was making her uncomfortable. He never pushed cuddling beyond what Eirlys wanted it to be or was comfortable with, even if he joked occasionally about doing it naked.

17 • What is their relationship with each side characters?

🐕 Luke: She was rather bemused upon meeting Luke, and seeing him standing in contrast to Simeon lit an amused glint within her eyes. Perhaps it was because he was an angel, but Eirlys bonded with Luke rather quickly. Though she cannot say she likes everything about the child-like angel, as his anti-demon sentiment has grated on her the more she has bonded with the boys (it has grown more half-hearted recently), but she counts Luke among the few within the three realms she can fully rely on.

🕊 Simeon: He was always rather mesmerizing for Eirlys, in ways the demons weren't. Perhaps it was the mystery that surrounded him despite being such a beautiful angel. His eyes, so striking against his features, were particularly what drew her in. Whenever she speaks with Simeon, she cannot help but smile. Despite all this, she has closed her heart off to anything beyond friendship with Simeon. Perhaps because she already has feelings for Mammon and more complicated ones for Leviathan, or perhaps because she feels a relationship with an angel would be too out of bounds for a human like her. Maybe both. Either way, she considers Simeon a very dear friend.

🦋 Solomon: He was one Eirlys didn't think much of when she first met him, though she was rather jealous of his abilities. She did slowly think of him in more friendly terms, however there was always something about him she didn't fully trust. Solomon has ever been the Cheshire Cat to her Alice.

🏵 Diavolo: Eirlys doesn't really have a very strong opinion one way or the other about him. Though the mere fractions of a moment she has spent getting to know him, the more she finds her opinion shifting to the positive. He has demonstrated himself to be incredibly thoughtful, compassionate (for a demon), and mature each time. Even if he hides it behind a constantly smiling face.

🐉 Barbatos: A mysterious and handsome face. This was the first thought that entered Eirlys's mind when she first met Barbatos. But after learning of his abilities and seeing them in action, Barbatos has bypassed all other demons in the intimidation department and landed himself firmly on the "never piss off under any circumstances" list.

Not exactly an accurate graph, but it's the best I can do restricted to mobile.

18 • What is your MC’s main hobbies and passions?

♥️ Her hobbies include: reading, music, dancing (hip hop and the like), anime, manga, video games, dramas, and movies (except horror, because she is a little chicken shit and will be the first to admit it).

♠️ She has a passion for dancing and singing, though she isn't good enough by any means to be considered professional, and typically her singing and dancing has been in rooms alone, in the shower, or driving alone in her car (in the human world).

She also has a big love for stories, especially fantasy and romance. Be they in books, movies, anime/manga, or dramas.

19 • Why did they end up in Devildom in the first place? What happened to them?

An email went out to all the students of high school and college age, explaining the exchange program with a world long thought to be a mere myth stemmed from religion, and nothing more. Those interested in participating could apply and send in their application for consideration. Anyone not interested could simply disregard the email. It explained a deadline, details and requirements for application, along with signing an agreement form explaining the rules of conduct within the Devildom. It was surprisingly thorough and organized for a simple email.

Eirlys was intrigued, but a part of her thought it was just an elaborate prank. Over the next few weeks, she heard more and more about people who had put in an application and eventually she too relented and sent in an application. Though her application was sent right at the last minute. Almost literally.

20 • What is your MC’s MBTI type?

ENFJ

21 • Do they have a pact with each bro? Do they often use their pacts? In which situations?

Yes, she has a pact with each brother. And each pact has left it's mark on her. However, she refuses to use her pacts unless she absolutely has to. Though there are times when she has used them out of anger (think "sit, boy!" from Inuyasha).

22 • What is their favorite place in Devildom?

Her room, the music room, and the Royal Library. Though there is an odd beauty to the old Colliseum when it is empty.

23 • Which sin fits them the most?

This one is difficult, but if I had to pick one I would say Pride or Envy.

24 • Describe their personality.

Eirlys is a rather compassionate and kind person with a passion for life and a fierce loyalty to her select group of friends. She is a genuine, honest, and caring individual and a passionate altruist. Sometimes even to a fault, and she is unlikely to be afraid to take the slings and arrows while standing up for the people and ideas she believes in.

Eirlys won't turn down an opportunity to spend time with those she cares about, even if that means going to social gatherings she would otherwise not attend on her own.

Despite all this, Eirlys can sometime be too idealistic or even selfless to a fault. She is prone to fluctuating self-esteem and may ask for praise or criticism out of insecurity, more than anything else. What's more, some criticisms can be easy for Eirlys to take to heart. Allowing it to further chip away at her self-confidence.

25 • What is their moral alignment?

Neutral good.

26 • Does your MC possess an object/something especially dear to their heart?

No, not really...

27 • Which character(s) do they consider as their best friend(s)?

If Mammon doesn't count considering he is the love interest, then I would have to say Levi and Beel.

28 • Choose a song that fits your MC.

Fight Song by Rachel Platten

29 • What are your MC’s religious beliefs?

Eirlys considered herself Agnostic, with some leaning toward Earthy religions. She had no beliefs in Heaven or Hell, so when she received her invitation that was rather eye opening.

30 • Describe what is inside your MC’s school bag.

Text books, notebooks, mechanical pencils, pens, highlighters, a zip bag for those things, reading books, calculator, and other generic school necessities.

31 • Describe their appearance (pic refs are ofc allowed).

♣️ Eirlys generally has fluffy waves of light pink hair that falls in cascades to the middle of her back, clear celeste blue / aquamarine eyes (haven't fully decided which), and snowy pale skin. She is not very tall, and has a triangle-shaped figure. Her fashion sense typically aligns with classic chic with a touch of hipster and grunge or street punk depending on her mood. And how she wears her uniform typically reflects this fashion sense as well, as her uniform typically looks rather crisp and pristine compared to the demon she loves.

Otherwise the other best examples I have are these images, one from a webcomic on Tappytoons.

The top image is probably as close as I can get, with the changes being thicker hair and eyes that are more blue like the girl in the images below. There is also the matter of her bangs being what curls inward as opposed to the tufts of hair beside her ears. The girl below, her hair is a bit too curly, though and her bangs aren't right. Plus the tufts on the side of her face down curl against her cheeks enough like the images above. But beyond all that, this is as close to an example of what my MC looks like. How she wears her uniform is portrayed above.

Tagging || @mammon-chan @mammoron @obeymesideblog @obeyme-lumos @beelzebubisbestwaifu @slavetothemocha @mammon-squad @mambeelz

And anyone else who wants to join in.

[queersnape]

I was just wondering about your most recent post, does the first part include pedophilia ships, as in anyone who hates on fictional pedophilia ships isn't welcome on your blog

Hating pedophile ships is fine - going out of your way to harass people who aren't a danger to anyone or calling any ship you don't like pedophilia because of an age difference or deciding that liking a character aged up appropriately means nothing isn't. Like, I don't like or approve of ships between minors and adults and I block that content and people who ship it - HOWEVER I don't harass them about it because Shipping Isn't Morality and I'm not about to harass survivors and make them come out explicitly about their abuse before I give them the "acceptable survivor card".

Like, I get you're trying to get me to say that I'm fine with pedophile ships and I'm not, but if I defend in any way pro shipping because it's Not Reality you're gonna call me one anyway because that's how that works. I know this game and I don't want anyone playing it following my content.

I literally added that caveot for this exact reason. People who call themselves "antis" like to pretend that it stands for "anti pedophilia" when I was there when their wrong censorship ideology developed and it was ABSOLUTELY anti shipping - I was there (and they still do but pretend they dont to take a fake moral high ground) when they called a ship between 2 consenting adults abusive because they didnt like a character, called a ship with an age difference pedophilia despite both characters being adults, and just calling people abusers and pedophiles for liking these "problematic" ships.

Antis for some reason believe harassing a real living person who is harming no one with their Fiction (and may be using it as a coping mechanism to live through and grow from their trauma) than the fictional characters themselves. Like, I follow someone with a problematic kink who in no way wants that kink in real life and only likes to explore it in a safe fictional space, but have instead been getting r___ threats from antis who claim they should like it because of this kink.

Like, your ask is claiming to ask if I mean if you don't like or ship "pedophile" ships and that's absolutely not it. I don't like those ships and some of the only fandom tags I have blacklisted are for those ships that I've come across. That "dont follow me if you do this" is there for if you THEN decide that what someone likes to explore in a fictional sense means they want that In Real Life and then you go out of your way to harass and threat them for it, because you believe it's okay to abuse real life people to defend fictional characters.

Like I get I'm coming off a little aggressively but I absolutely don't trust someone seeing me be like "dont follow me if you're an anti and believe shipping is morality and you get to harass people for ships you don't like and call anything you don't approve of pedophilia" to then ask me if it means that they cant follow if they dont like pedophile ships.

[ohhicas]

I've only been into comics for a few years, but I've read enough of the old Flash stuff where I adore the classic incarnations of the Rogues. Honestly curious here: what's it like to be a fan of James Jesse back when he was retgonned around 10 years ago and see him brought back but now all mwahaha crazy evil? I'm way more used to Axel (and all that off-panel character development in Nu52, thanks DC) but even I find this kinda weird. Was James ever crazy evil in any arc?

^- me 90% of the time someone says James is coming back to recent media & it’s not a direct continuation of the comics prior to 2004

[ Warning: this is gonna get long and be full of a lot of assumptions. I can never form solid statements and things will get jumbled, because I suck at presenting things ]

[ this is my can of worms hill and you opened it so I’m dYING HERE ]

I mean, back in the earliest ages, no Rogue had a real personality to speak of? They were just “1960s Bad Guy in a different outfit” at the very start, with quirks! Like James having a thing for toys and nuclear powered flying tricycles. It wasn’t until that era ended that they started getting real distinct and into what a lot of ‘classic’ James fans loved and appreciated? 

(I think at least, I’m just One Person here pretending like I even understand HALF of what the ‘classic’ fandom enjoyed. I’m wildly speculating just going off what fanworks I’ve seen produced.)

(I don’t have all my scans anymore but I’ll toss in scans when I have them)

But that’s when we started getting things like James actually having specified friendships with certain people

or clear distaste towards others, and when you could tell he was more of a wild card than the others. Or when he decided to fuck off and hang out in Hollywood with Blue Devil for a bit, even siding with Kid Devil to deck out Captain Boomerang. 

Or when he decided to fuck off to Gotham, to mess with Catwoman by pretending he didn’t know who she was, but absolutely knew who she was because of how she walked and carried herself, but James being James was like “mmmmm long con, nope”

hey lil Cold, gimme all ur guns and don’t question why I’m in drag xoxo

Even then, he wasn’t shown to be vicious yet! He’d hopped around various places, was still considered A Rogue, A Criminal, and as far as any comic reader could tell by trying to count up how many civilians may have been crossfired at, he had no On Purpose deaths racked? Like, the only thing you could really argue was he may have made someone drive their car off a cliff once, but I’m like 98% sure they’re fine. He’s not a murderer, he’s just here for a laugh and a long-con for funsies because he know he can get away with it!

AND THEN WE GET A LITTLE OLDER, LITTLE DARKER

[ I’M PUTTING A CUT HERE CAUSE AFTER I THREW IT INTO DRAFTS, I REALIZED I GOT REALLY LONG, I’M SORRY IF MY LAYOUT SUCKS ASS FOR THIS. ]

little more 90s Hair. Little more 90s stereotypical “But what if EVERYONE WENT TO HELL” demon plots against Satanic Hockey Hair Neron. And James? still wasn’t evil? He was a little dismissive when everyone ELSE died sure but he still in the end turned around like “nghgng I’m THE ONLY ONE”, purposely got his ass down there, regretted it, and then beat Neron at his own game to save the entire fucking world. Because! He could! And he did it so well. STILL NOT EVIL, even when he had a chance right then and there to take over everything alongside Neron should he so desire. Like, two words, maybe some under the table BJs depending on how you feel about that pairing (I don’t), and bam. He would’ve bested nearly any other villain in the DCU save like, Satan himself. Or i guess one of those world destroyers. But we’ll get back around to those BOY HOWDY WE WILL GET AROUND TO THOSE. 

So James! Saves! The world! Sorta! Later they fight Neron again and his kid he somehow had somewhere down the road (it sounds like I’m complaining, i’m not, I love Billy and Mindy both I just wish they showed up like… ever again?) and he sTILL SAVES EVERYONE. 

Piper helps by their 90s ponytails combined. 

Somewhere around here, because dates and timing aren’t my strong suit, he also goes and messes with Bart for a bit. It’s pretty much a Spy Vs Spy episode, but with less bloodshed. 

ANYWAY IT’S AFTER THIS POINT THAT THINGS GET… where I think the majority of “James is a Low Rate Joker” comes from? 

For some unknown goddamn reason, in between issues (James wasn’t a Super Frequent Rogue? He’d show up, sure, but in the huge run of the series he’d just kind of vanish for 20 issues at a time and you’d go “welp, guess he’s still alive”) James went super-cop? like, the FBI? For some reason? Hired James “I am a probably still wanted felon, a man who has escaped jail numerous times, probably never served a full sentence, known Trickster and liar” Jesse. to the FBI. And for so many issues it’s like he legit just. Did this. He threatens to shoot Piper who he was up until this very moment, considerably very close friends with (as far as comics would show Rogue/Rogue friendships), unwilling to help his friend clearly framed for murder of his parents and losing his mind by the day. Despite James talking Hart down a little on the whole ‘THE MAYOR IS ROSCOE ADN NOBODY BELIEVES MEEEEEEEE” thing. 

Also he steals Digger’s dead ass corpse? 

FBI James is a fucking enigma. Here he is standing up for Gay Rights even though Piper is like “mm maybe I should forgive my abuser??”

BUT. AFTER THIS? WE GET COUNTDOWN WHICH IS JUST. Countdown is. IT’s a problem. James’s personality is IMMEDIATELY HORRIBLY u-turned into “well we need SOMEONE to be the Bad Guy to Piper’s Good!” DESPITE. ALL THESE YEARS OF COMICS.This is the shit you’ll see people who don’t know better or just want a reason to hate the Trickster (despite being 100% okay for them to just say he’s annoying/they don’t like his tights/acrobats are stupid) reference. James is, suddenly, very abruptly, a homophobe. Like an “ew don’t touch me” level homophobe because I’m pretty sure DC snorts cocaine and threw a dart at a board for “how could they make these two fight” and landed on GAY RIGHTS IS TRENDING. 

BUTSTILL IN THE FUCKING END OF ALL OF THIS?After so many issues of James being a complete fuckass prick? 

springboards himself from his current job of being railroad face putty to catching bullets to make sure Piper wasn’t gonna die. Without knowing the proceedings of this entire plotline, James out of nowhere after so much gaybashing, still finds it in him to leap into the path of multiple bullets and save Piper. Because, yknow, he’s evil!

Later it’s shown he’s been working to take everyone down (y’know, like when he was in the FBI) and left Piper specific helpful notes to do it himself. Because Evil Bad Guy! Helping his gone-good friend! Take down bad guys! 

DC I STILL HAVE SO MANY GODDMAN QUESTOINgsd

But yeah that’s. That’s where we last saw James. in 2007, dead, after saving Piper when he could have easily pulled a Joker and ripped HIM down to take hte bullets and etcetc, y’know. Something a Very Bad Person would’ve done, like the characterization we’ve seen now. 

His ghost (easily argued as Piper’s own mental construction of James sassing him) sasses Hartley to even, in his mental state, saw off James’s hand so Piper doesn’t have to lug his weight around and has a fighting chance at living. And in the end, when Piper’s fighting the thing that can destroy the fucking world, it’s shown only Piper was the one who could save them? Because his flute, and his musical ability, and [enter DC comic science here]. You could argue this was James, once again, somehow knowing the long-con at play here, getting screwed over at EVERY turn, and sacrificing himself so they ‘good’ team had a fighting chance.You could also argue this is me losing my mind trying to make sense of the things they made James do. (my running argument is he was purposely a prick to push Piper away, so he could keep him safe) 

Also Piper plays James a Swan Song of Queen as the final boss explodes and he’s fully prepared to die. So like. There’s that. 

AND THATS BASICALLY THE COMICS? The main, ‘canon timeline’ comics. I’m missing a LOT of little things here and there, but I’m not missing anything like body counts, or murder attempts, beyond the old Silver Age “Bad guy of the week” things like trying to make Flash’s head explode, or you know. Other “nobody really has a personality, we just have quirks”. 

MY NUMBER ONE GUESS TO WHERE THIS NEW PERSONALITY TREND COMES FROM?

Mark Hamil|’s OG run as him in the old live action show. That characterization was fun, for the time, and I even enjoyed it cause it was just that off the wall and you could tell it was what they used to decide he should be the Joker for the BATS Joker. Consider it a prototype (combined with all the previous comic jokers but that’s not for this long ass post) 

And if it’d stayed there, that’d be it! That’s it! But then JLU came along, and they referenced the old show for their version of James with a sprinkling of early-era comics, and a lot of people loved and watched that show. That was their version of the Trickster, because it was their first meeting with him! And I can’t fault that! But that guy was clearly off his rocker and I’m sure if the JLU allowed a higher rating, it would’ve been even closer to the old TV show. 

And both of THOSE were heavily, heavily referenced for the CW version, which as I’m at this point now means I need to slap my usual anti-CW tag onto things. I hate the CW James. There is so little comic in him it’s almost disgusting, and they ramped up so much of the Joker side of JLU & OGTV he might as well just be the Joker. It’s not a good representation of him at all. I have, also, only seen his first appearance episode, so maybe I’m wrong? But when you fuck up hard on the first run, why would I return for round 2? 

So with ALL THIS– 

REBOOT TIME. Whatever the newnew remake is calling itself. 

At first! With how James was! In the first panel flash of him clearly behind the scenes tugging so many wires and lines, watching everything with a bucket of popcorn while pulling others to his side, sitting pretty in an old museum? warehouse? highlighted in purples and vintage toys, I was like “holy shit this it. This is My Boy, back from the goddamn limbo-dead. It’s him.” But then“taking over the city entirely” to do? What? Turn it into the world’s biggest Trickster themepark? Make everyone wear striped leggings and combat boots? Martial Law of murder if you don’t carry rubber chickens? This is already veering from anything major James has ever done. As it stands I can’t see the gag here. Its’ weirdly dark and edgy, and way too close to something we saw the 90s TV show Trickster do, in the episode where he basically took over the place. The previews show him being what I’m assuming a Judge, Jury, & Executioner joke– and unless this spins into a Clopin song and dance number and his little hand puppet crops up to slam the button on the guillotine, I’m not having it, DC. 

They’re trying to tie him back into the CW, despite the writer saying he really enjoyed the Neron-era things with James (if I’m remembering the interview correctly). And it’s also why you may see me constantly saying “Well I sure as fuck hope Neron shows up” at anything new that’s released, to explain away all of… this.

This isn’t him. If they wanted a murderous Trickster, they should’ve just used Axel. The kid, canonly, tied explosives to stray dogs and homeless people. AXEL is the not-good Trickster, the murderous Trickster, the one you aren’t suppose to feel sorry for beyond being in way over his head due to his young age. 

i think I somehow didn’t answer your question

TL;DR

it sucks? it’s also great because there’s a .5% chance that maybe they’ll do it right and won’t reference the fucking 90s noncomic media. But then they do. And all I can do is laugh and shrug like ‘welp I expected nothing’. But when they get it RIGHT it’s like christmas came early.

[raidenenthusiast]

you already know I'm gonna ask for genshin<3

GOD BLESS ILY 💖💕 i should mention that i accidentally closed tumblr halfway through answering this, so i am literally retyping all of it. this new phone has a very like, slippery screen n i'm not used to it so i was like OH SHIT HAGDJANHDBSN

my favorite female character: SUCROSE!!! i only have very minor complaints about her design (really i just wish she was wearing some pants) n the parts of it i do like (her hair n her ears n the COLORS) are so pleasing to look at. i fly around with her bc the mondstadt wings match her really nicely n she looks so cute. her little ears.......i adore her. she has a voiceline about how she wants to use alchemy to create a fairytale utopia n it's SO sweet n i love her so much.

honorable mention hu tao, bc she's actually the only female design i personally don't complain about at all (the bar is so low though) n i LOVED her story quest. i'm also a really big fan of how she's voiced in english (bc i play in english) n also she's hilarious. i'm obsessed with her dynamic with zhongli too.

my favorite male character: strap in kids. this is gonna be a long ride. i have a top three, although it's technically more of a top four.

tied for first are childe n xiao bc i cannot choose between them. i had a really fun journey with childe; when i first started playing, my friend told me they thought he would 100% be my type n i looked at a photo of him n went "ehhhh" so i wasn't really sure at first. i also knew the um. "reputation" fans of him had within fan content n such so i was ALSO wary of that being a very frequent fandom-goer. fast forward a little bit n his banner roles around. i actually decided to pull for him for GAMEPLAY reasons initially, bc the idea of a ranged user being able to use a melee stance was literally a gamechanger for me who wasn't n still isn't very good at archers. i did start liking him reluctantly at that point, but i didn't really want to admit it (very funny looking back) n i used to make fun of him a lot bc i was in denial. NOW i have him in my party (my incredible dps my beloved) n i have finally met him in story which made me fall REALLY hard REALLY fast bc believe it or not, canon childe is NOTHING LIKE fanon childe. n that's a good thing mind u. n the rest is history, he now means everything to me. i am soft for him daily. i also rescind my previous "ehhhh" about his appearance bc he is very sexy. i am ALSO very much an advocate for how griffin voices him n i could talk about the golden house scene for literal hours; it is THE best scene in the game so far.

xiao was sort of similar, my (same) friend n i both knew i would like him bc he is VERY much my type. we were right. i was hyped up to meet him n as SOON as i did i fell so hard i fell off a cliff. it breaks my heart every day i don't have him as i wait patiently for him to rerun. playstyle wise i honestly think he's really fun, but i would probably be saving for him even if i hated how he played, bc i just love him that much. i'm also obsessed with yaksha lore in general n i think about him a lot. xiao my beloved. he also has one of my favorite (if not my favorite) designs.

diluc n zhongli are the last two, bc i can't really choose which one of them i like more, only bc they're both important for different reasons?

diluc was my FIRST favorite character. i took a single look at him n i KNEW. first character i loved, first character i really wanted, as well as the character i tried to (n failed to) REROLL FOR. over fifty times, n nothing. i have him now, but goddamn. i have a thing for characters associated with fire, n as soon as i heard about the whole darknight hero thing i was like oh my.....marriage. i was heartbroken when i played through the chunk of the story quest where they let u trial him before i had him bc i wanted him so bad. he's literally been on my team since day one. i go idle with him to hear him say nice things to me. i love him so much.

n as for zhongli, he's. also special. the definition of comfort character. "he's more than daddy to me. he's.....he's like GRANDPA" HQGDNANHD no but seriously, he walks on sceen n i just feel safe. part of it is keith being so very good at voicing him, but regardless i love him very much. he tugs at my heartstrings a lot n i think he's probably the character the causes me the most physical heartache bc i feel so bad for him.

honorable mention dain, bc who would i be if i didn't mention dain. mwah.

my favorite book/season/episode etc: i'm gonna go with quest for this one! n i think we all know what i'm gonna say; OF COURSE IT'S ZHONGLI'S STORY QUEST!! i complain a lot about how this game doesn't treat tension properly, but i have absolutely nothing to complain about in either of his quests. particularly part two really held its own for me against the entire main story, in my opinion. i know part two just came out, but i am ECSTATIC about the possibility of future parts. also the only story quest i've shed tears over (although i came pretty close on childe's n xiao's). i even THINK about a scene from that quest n my heart breaks into pieces. emotionally, zhongli owns me.

my favorite cast member: in terms of acting performance, probably keith. in general, yuri. he is one of my all time favorite voice actors n i inhale everything that he has done like fucking kirby. i'm really attached to a lot of the english cast though; laila, griffin, khoi, erika, etc.

my favorite ship: this is hard, actually. what's hilarious is that all my favorite pairings involve zhongli. i honestly, at this point, think it's a tie between zhongluc n rezhong. bc rezhong there is just so much there n so much to THINK about, but zhongluc is very comforting to me, personally, n the whole dragon n the phoenix imagery stuff sucked me in like a VACUUM. i also really like guili though; basically, if zhongli is in it, i will at least think about it (sort of, see later).

a character i'd die defending: childe no uhh. in terms of characters who NEED defending, kaeya. i am so SICK of u people not knowing how to interpret him. i'd like to add in eula here too, bc i REALLY like her, n i think some of u went a little bit haywire. in terms of characters who don't really need defending, xiao. i would die for him, actually.

a character i just can't sympathize with: ironically i don't genuinely hate any of the playable characters yet. dottore is pretty fucked up so i guess him, but also i still find him interesting hagdbanhdnan.

a character i grew to love: besides childe? ganyu! i didn't NOT like her by any means, but i was mostly indifferent, n while i WISH her story quest had a little more to it...i adore her very much.

my anti otp: besides the obvious ones, zhongchi.....LET ME EXPLAIN!! i don't HATE it, exactly. but i got so irreparably BITTER about it clogging up both childe n zhongli's individual tags, to the point where i couldn't find enough content without it, i completely lost interest. i will accept nice art of it, but i also have a massive problem with how A LOT of fans tend to over/hyperfeminize childe in relation to the ship, which feels very disingenuous to me bc childe.....isn't a feminine character, really. he's just, i dunno, skinny?? if anything, his whole fight happy shit feels more masculine to me, lmao. it just very much feels like a lot of u can't accept a pairing between two men unless u put one of them in the role of the "woman" n it very much bothers me. like, listen, i know childe is canonically a malewife n i love that about him, but it's about the intent. n i feel HORRIBLE vibes from a lot of u people. i know active fandom genshin fans have bad vibes in general, but u know what i mean. i have been to this rodeo before, n i hate it every time. also, i see a lot of very mischaracterized childe in relation to the pairing too, n to a much lesser extent zhongli, but it still exists. basically, i don't hate it, but i am bitter. n it very much feels like a lot of u are turning them into ur token fandomwide homos which NEVER ends well.

please all i ask is if ur gonna ship two men can u at least treat them both like some semblance of men i am tired