#I'm making this post to document stuff

[thetimetravellercat]

Ok, so, today, I had 4 hours of "activity", I went to Emmaüs (essentially a second hand stuff store), in total, I spent around 1h15 outside going there and coming back from it, I spent 2h inside mostly looking at tableware and books and then upon coming home, I reheated food, ate, drank herbal tea for warmth and hydration, read a few pages, and that was it. Total: 4h.

During all that time, I made sure I was properly hydrated, I had eaten a healthy breakfast prior to going outside, and i had snacks with me for my time outside, and ate upon coming home. All the food consumed was safe-food.

And yet, those 4 hours of activity destroyed me. After eating and just barely reading, I was just too tired and already feeling some pain. So I went to bed, slept for around 3 hours and woke up feeling like shit, I'm not kidding, my head hurt, my shoulders and my necks hurt, my brain was foggy, and i had to take meds. Most of the symptoms I exhibited were inflammatory in nature. And before you ask, my pillow and everything else is good, doesn't cause me any pain and has actually been approved by my doc.

I'm 23yo. And I refuse to believe that this is a normal way for a 23yo to feel after 4 hours of medium level of activity. And yet, doctors aren't finding anything and they're telling that everything is alright. And it's making me go insane. Like, this is one example out of many. This isn't a fluke.

And this wasn't a result of stress. This was a pleasant activity that I enjoyed (walking included). Some doctors have tried to pin everything on anxiety, but today my anxiety is well managed with micro-doses of CBD and my symptoms haven't changed. So I call bullshit on all of this being caused by anxiety.

The only thing I know I have is autism (though I'm lacking an official-official diagnosis thanks to gross malpractice from a psychiatrist when I was a kid and France having a very very pessimistic, outdated and awful view of autism back when I was a kid; so it's really complicated for me to get help for that, but there isn't any real debate on whether I have it or not, my GP agrees, multiple therapists agree, I just have been too abused by psychiatrists to seek a new official diagnosis as an adult and i also don't have the financial means for that and France is still very late when it comes to autism, so getting a diagnosis as an adult is incredibly fucking complicated and i kinda live in a medical desert right now), but can autism cause all of this?

Especially since I felt I was managing my autism quite ok (listening to music to block outside noises, I have wonderful transition glasses so the brightness of the outside isn't so much of an issue anymore, I have confortable clothes, etc.)

It must also be noted that I have been resting for a few months now, so I'm not currently under any high stress, tension or exhaustion (as compared to previous times when my symptoms would get much much worse).

[paintpanic]

Attack that happens when you let Star Dream's countdown in its third phase reach zero.

[simple-persica]

I've been playing with the idea that Prussia used to have a little kid crush on Sweden when they were younger. He's tall, strong, and so serious looking, what's not to like?

[rosepompadour]

SECRET SWEETH TOOTH: Sweets turned out to be one of Sisi’s favorite over-indulgences, and she was known to splurge on confections and pastries. She frequented Demel, the official patisserie of the Imperial Court, which was conveniently located across the street from the Hofburg. She would slip in and order thick hot chocolate, homemade truffles, and sumptuous slices of chocolate cake. She was especially fond of candied sugar violets, and always went home with a box. Her passion for violets was so great that she even indulged in her favorite treat, violet ice cream, when she wasn’t starving herself. THE FAIRY QUEEN: Sisi got the idea for her famous sparkling stars after attending a production of A Midsummer Night's Dream at Vienna's Burgtheater. The actress portraying Titania wore a sprinkling of glittering stars in her hair; inspired, Sisi then requested her own fairy stars from the imperial jeweler. She saw herself as the fairy queen Titania, and her bedroom (which she called "Titania's enchanted castle")  was painted at great expense with scenes from A Midsummer Night's Dream by a young Gustav Klimt. THE LOOK: Her beauty routine was legendary. She used facial waters of rose, chamomile, lavender, and violet to remove impurities, and she would slather her cheeks with pure honey, rose petals and crushed strawberries. After her Rapunzel-esque hair was done to her satisfaction, it would be sprayed with Creed’s Fantasia de Fleurs, a heady floral fragrance created especially for the Empress, with a regal bouquet of the best Bulgarian roses.

- Assorted sundries about Empress Sisi 💗

[sergle]

hi! i hope it's not asking you of too much, but please keep us posted about the breast reduction (if you can)? (No pressure if not!)

tmi: i have a large chest and it's causing me back issues among other struggles (ranging from social to economic) and. i have wanted one for a long long long time! I'm rooting for you!

me???? talk about myself? on my blog?? hm... that's going to be difficult, but I'll do it for you

[somegrumpynerd]

Tomorrow I am going to print out a picture of my work I have drawn Sans into and stick it up on our picture board and see how long it takes everybody to notice

[cloning-vat-mistake]

Quick engagement test for something me and a couple of friends are throwing around:

If I made some sort of Google form/poll/something else(?) to ask folks about what their fav yog ships are, would people be interested?

I'm mostly intrigued by seeing the data for what some of the the most popular ships in the fandom are, and also why if folks wanna share.

The form will most likely ask for your top 3 ships, and have an optional place to put in why you like them! (This way people can add some smaller ships they really like as well as bigger ones that may be more popular)

[icewindandboringhorror]

Various images from the past year or so... posting my evil little photo diary collections once again..

[honestlyvan]

Talk to me about Isurd and bureaucracy

Oh boy, so, I think Lambda's issues with structural inefficiencies and bureaucratic overhead produces a direct parallel between the way Taion and Isurd responded to Nimue's death. After all, we know that commanders get pretty free reign in how they run their colonies, and there are far less subtle examples of "the thing that is Wrong with this colony is also what is Wrong with its commander" in the game, so this isn't even too aggresive of a read, IMO.

For Taion, his bad coping is pretty front and center -- he's got a strong need for control, but also little faith in his own judgement; he's suspicious of other people's conclusions, but also defers to them when it comes to decision-making. He can't even fully stand by his own conclusions most of the time, because the more critical it is to get something right, the worse the runaway anxiety gets, and the more he slips into analysis paralysis. Taion doesn't trust himself, and doesn't trust anyone else -- so no decision he makes can truly be grounded, everything is up for second-guessing, and he can never have peace knowing he made the right call.

Isurd, on the surface, is kind of the opposite. He's very decisive, to the point where he tends to pull ahead of the pack because he's already two steps to a solution while everyone else is still catching up to a problem. Undoubtedly some of the problems with Lambda's system are that peacetime operations are more complicated and they're simply not equipped to handle them at this scale, but a larger problem is that even while authority diffuses down the chain, if there is a fuck-up, ultimately the responsibility will be his. Absolutely nobody is allowed to make judgement calls unless he's personally appointed them, and even then he retains a veto. Isurd also doesn't trust himself, and also doesn't trust anyone else -- so no decision can be made without a second opinion, and he has to run himself ragged not to slow the system he's set up down.

It reads as a kind of hypervigilance -- neither of them has fully dealt with their trauma, and so are mentally braced to react to a similar situation. Now, I do think to an extent both of them probably just are like that, naturally -- Isurd is the strategist of the generation, after all, and Taion is very curious and intellectually engaged in general, they're absolutely the kind of people where "comparing notes" is a kind of love language -- but it just kind of goes to show that sometimes bad coping looks like good coping, but too much. They're overprepared to respond to their own judgement failing, and it's wearing both of them down.

I think this reading of the situation also nicely harmonises with how little presence Isurd has in Lambda's quest line. By his own admission, he's been going through the war essentially on autopilot since Nimue's death, letting the problem grown unfettered just because he naturally tends towards hogging responsibilities. Delegating and leaving actual decision-making to other people is a step forward -- or at least a step sideways -- for him, and leaving Lambda and having to just trust that they'll be okay without his supervision would further help with that. He's at least trying to disengage, even if he's very bad at it, being a dumb moron workaholic who has to make everything into a production.

[tswwwit]

I'm putting Bill vs Bill up on AO3 for no good reason!

Forget everything else I've ever complained about with writing; titles and summaries are by far the worst.

[godsfavoritescientist]

the unexpected aspec experience of opening up a word document to write more pages for an ~adult~ fic, happily writing a little bit, and then suddenly being completely uninterested in the subject material anymore. 0/10 very inconvenient, finishing this fic will take forever at this rate

[piedoesnotequalpi]

I have gotten over a hump in this chapter of the bachelorette AU and am now getting close to the end of the chapter so if anyone wants to ask me things about it now would be a good time to do so

Also here's a couple sneak peeks ft. Davey Going Through It:

[eoinmcgonigal]

Btw if you enjoyed reading anything I've written, I'm *always* happy to get comments. No expiry date on this.

[spokelseskladden]

the amount of times I've nearly posted art this week and then stopped myself because i noticed a flaw, or realized that i could use the idea for something else and build on it then never doing that is quite embarrassing really

[bambirex]

My interest in Queen faded a bit so I'm not in the mood to write Queen fic but the lack of feedback on my Witcher fics makes me unmotivated to write Witcher fic so I guess the solution is to not get any writing done today - again.

[snekdood]

personally, i dont see the fundamental difference between deleting your account and making a new one and deleting all your old posts, if we're talking about "running from ones past", then what are you tryna hide there, bud?