#I'm not only constantly tired I now am also constantly wanting to throw up. (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

[screwpinecaprice]

I have no idea where they are tbh.

Anyways, taking a few days hiatus from drawing anything digitally to rest my eyes longer. So the requests queue are on hold until the end of the weekend.

[deoidesign]

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[thedyingwriter]

i haven't really said anything about 9-1-1 in a while bcs honestly the show just keeps giving me trauma each and every week for no reason.

I started watching this show bcs of buddie edits and ngl up until may 2024 i was a buddie fan bcs i never actually expected 911 to make buck a canon bisexual.

and even after getting buck as bisexual bcs of tommy i was still rooting for buck to end up with eddie maybe as the endgame in future bcsl i have shipped them for years.

But then i saw how beautiful buck and tommy's relationship was forming. i loved seeing them happen and honestly i was also glad to see eddie being happy with marisol.

but then i don't even fucking know why 911 decided to fuck his entire arch with that cheating, the whole chris walking in on them and texas arch, the fucking queer bating implied gay awakening.

i would love to see eddie as gay bcs it would definitely sit right with his character arc over the years. but the way that have been kind of ruining eddie for me for a while now feels sk disheartening.

i love eddie. i have so much hope for his character and i love buck and eddie as a unit. i am someone who now wants buck to end up with tommy bcs i see him being the one to "love him anyways", bcs he has again and again proven so.

but i would still be ok if the show decides to pair buck and eddie together as end game, only if they do it right. bcs nothing at the current time adds up.

i hated the way eddie has been since the whole moving to texas arch in 8b. the way he's been constantly accusing buck of making everything about him. i hated watching the latest episode in the kitchen scene, where he accused buck of making Bobby's death and texas move about him.

i don't think eddie would have done that. the first thought after seeing the episode when bobby dies was that eddie wasn't there, and i can't imagine how painful this is gonna be for him, but the way they showed him basically accusing buck of not doing everything bcs he wasn't there seemed so fucked up.

i am not starting a war and i absolutely hate how toxic this Fandom has become. this used to be my biggest comfort show, now i can't go a single post without the entire fandom yelling in my ears about buddie being canon this season, and the fucking threats against lou ferrigno jr, the constant fucking fan war and comparison.

how will i even be able to enjoy buddie if it ever happens, when it suddenly feels like eddie has become an altogether different person.

grief looks different on everybody but i'm literally so fucking tired of the entire 118 treating buck like a fucking child who throws a tantrum. he's been so mature about this, as compared to how he would have reacted as season 1 buck. he's been grieving silently and people treat him like a ticking time bomb.

honestly atp I'm just ranting whatever bcs I'm just so frustrated and done with this show, the writers and most important the fucking asshole quality of fans. just stop with the shipping wars for fucks sake.

we lost bobby and all i can see on my time line is fan ship wars. not sure if i wish to continue watching this show if the season 8 finale doesn't give me solid confirmation of a good storyline for either buck tommy or buck eddie. I'm done.

[wolfertinger]

Oh for fuck sakes I hate having this shit brought to my attention. Hi, hello. Thought I'd come here and say something myself. Sorry if I seem bitchy, but I'm stressed as fuck from everything going on in my life rn that's unrelated to this and I am so fucking tired of this irrelevant little leech making shit up about me and tons of other ppl just to get her 5 seconds of attention that she so desperately needs.

I am genderfluid. I am afab but genderfluid. I came out like 2.5 years ago after secretly struggling for a very long time with my identity and gender. And I am TIIIIRED of that mf "Bodybag" or "Majora" (oh my God, stop changing your name) discrediting me and constantly perpetuating this whole "CIS WOMAN" shit. You god damn hypocritical fuck shit. "WAAAAH THESE TRANSPHOBES ARE ATTACKING MEEEE" and then you proceed to say some of the most transphobic shit ever on your blog about trans mascs and cis lesbians while also misgendering ppl on purpose that you hate? Get the fuck over yourself. Yeah I know all about those posts you've made. Very weird stance to take for someone who claims they're always being "targeted" because she's trans. That kind of rhetoric just sounds...IDK, transphobic and lesbophobic? Weird.

I never drew rape art of you. I made nsfw of our ocs and you fucking know that. And when I did make it you even praised it at the time. It was ONE. Image. Also, I'd like to point out that she once willingly posted this art in public on her Instagram account with minors following it to "get back at me". It was not censored. Really classy.

And before she comes here claiming it was rape art, it was a bit on the kinkier side. She herself even requested me to draw shit for her in the first place! That's it! I don't have it anymore, nor do I have evidence of her praising it. I know that doesn't help my credibility but when I cut ties with her I tossed everything because the shit she put me through was so traumatizing I didn't want to even have anything involving her near me. I thought I could just cut her off and be left alone. But fucking no. She has tried to also use my coping mechanisms as a rape survivor to paint me as a noncon fetishist.

At risk of making ppl look at me funny, or in disgust: yes. I do partake in making CNC based artwork. PRIVATELY. AS ADVISED BY A THERAPIST. My assault happened a long time ago, but I never actually got help for it until recently. It has been life altering and has left me with constant feelings of shame and disgust over myself and my sexuality for years. Due to my trauma and my disorder (diagnosed bipolar schizoaffective) I also struggle with hypersexuality. It's not great. And when she told me she understood that, I thought I could trust her and talk to her about it. We TALKED about it. I never even showed her my private art of that nature, even. None of my friends have seen it. I keep it private. In fact, the only nsfw art she ever got out of me is the one of our ocs that she's claiming is rape art of her. What the actual fuck, dude???

I don't have many friends, and yes, even at my age, I'm kinda socially inept and trust way too easily. That's on me. And no, I do not post any of my vent art of that kind online, and I have't even drawn anything like that in months now due to making progress in therapy. The fact that I even have to come here to say this and talk about shit I'm genuinely ashamed of due to my trauma is a lot. I have been in on and off therapy to help me with my trauma and mental health problems for a while now. I'm still trying to improve myself as a person. It's not easy. And I am sick of having her paint me as this disgusting person when she knows full well I'm nothing like she claims.

I stupidly made the mistake of trusting her in the very little time that we knew each other. That's on me. I can admit that. But I do not deserve to have the claims she's throwing at me being made rn. Or EVER. Bitch I am TIRED of your ass. SO MANY of us are. I NEVER talk about you. I try to avoid you and avoid talking about you because every time your name gets brought up, I genuinely become anxious and sick.

I have tried to avoid this blog. I have tried to avoid her and her friends and anyone else for nearly a year now. I am tired, dude. I am fucking tired.

Believe me or not, I do not care anymore. I am done. I didn't even fucking touch her stupid fucking callout this time but I see that isn't enough for her. You tell everyone I am obsessed with you, but YOU are obsessed with ME. Clearly.

You make me sick, Majora. Stop using serious matters like rape as a fucking prop in all this and anything. Holy shit there is a special place in Hell for you.

This is the only time I'm making a statement about anything. I don't like being told this mf is still making these claims about me. Fuck off.

And to everyone else affected by her or ppl she associates with, I am sorry. And if anyone is disgusted by me for what I just admitted, I understand. I will not be coming back, and I do NOT want to be made aware of anything that mf posts in regards to me again. Thanks.

.

[onlyjaeyun]

alright, i'm gonna address this ask once and then just not respond to anything else, even the asks supporting me bc im a little exhausted and on the verge of losing motivation so i dont wanna trigger it by going back and forth with people. yet this does not mean i dont deeply appreciate everyone's sweet messages. means the world to me to know you all have my back like this, so thank you so much 🤍

once and for all: this is fiction. fiction, meant for adults hence the MDNI/18+ in my bio, basically plastered all over my blog.

every character ive created so far is just that. a character. and i need some of you guys to understand that this is what (fan)fiction is about. the smoking, the family trauma, the lack of self awareness, their sexual activities and coping mechanisms, everything regarding and about my characters was created by me and most of the time intentionally.

one thing that also needs to be clear is that you can't just run around policing grown people in their asks talking about such significant issues and throwing around accusations like that because not only is it deeply offensive but it's also very, very dangerous. you misunderstood my post and assumed i'd use sex and sexual intimacy to have him make up for his wrongdoings when that is NOT what i said at all. just please be careful the next time because i understand where you came from but i did not deserve that.

what i also wanna address is the part with me having "impressionable readers" because this is very important to me as a smut writer.

i have set clear boundaries that i do not want any minors on my blog, point blank. now, we all know they're still around. is that my responsibility? no. am i supposed to give a fuck about people who are apparently old enough to consciously read trigger/content warnings and continue to read my work? fuck no. is it my job to educate those impressionable people that they shouldn't read smth if they can't differentiate fiction from reality. NO.

that's all im gonna say to this because yes, there are impressionable readers out there but that is NOT my responsibility.

im tired of people constantly policing me and the things i write when im a grown woman who knows exactly what she's doing. if you hate CH!sunghoon so much and are so uncomfortable with his progress, then don't read it.

saying this for everyone yet again:

if you do NOT like a writer's work, you do NOT have to READ it.

this is tumblr. i write things for FUN. i publish them for you guys to read for FREE. i dont owe anybody shit. im so, so sorry if this makes some of you angry or upset now but at the end of the day it's the truth. this is my blog and my writing and i will do whatever the fuck i want and unfortunately you have no choice but to live with it.

i appreciate constructive criticism but i will not and never in the future let anyone be so mean to me and accuse me of things when you usually just see and read and hear what you want and make up your own version of the story when it's so, so far away from the truth.

pls do not attack the nonie bc i know this is the result of a misunderstanding but it was a good opportunity for me to address the whole impressionable reader situation.

if you can't differentiate fiction from reality that's your problem, stop making it mine.

thank you so much for everything, nothing but love 🧸🩷🎀

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I'd seen bits and pieces of things by Stuart Laws for a while. I know he's thanked in the acknowledgements of seemingly every other comedians' stand-up specials, and he produces and directs a lot of them. I think he's part of the Turtle Canyon thing?

I knew he was supposed to be a good comic, and more specifically, he seemed like, on paper, exactly the sort of comic I like a lot. But the little bits and pieces I'd seen of his were just... never enough to get me really interested in him. I always liked them. Just not all that much.

I saw his latest Edinburgh hour when it got streamed on NextUp last year, my first time seeing a full of show of his. It was... good. I liked it. I just didn't like it as much as I felt like I should. I felt like he had a cool idea and clever turns of phrase and memorable ideas, but it just never felt like it turned into anything that made me say "Wow I really want to see more from that guy." So I didn't.

He recently put out a new full special on YouTube, and I decided to try watching that, and then I decided that if I'm going to do that I should start with his earlier stuff and go through it in order, since Stuart Laws is the sort of comedian with whom I should have done that ages ago, I may as well give it a try now. It'll be, at minimum, pretty good. And maybe he'll surprise me by being very good. So I grabbed his two NextUp specials and his (now) two YouTube specials and I've put them in chronological order for viewing.

Tonight I watched this one, his 2016 Edinburgh hour, and oh my God. Okay, all the other comedians who think Stuart Laws is so great, I get it now. That was awesome. I am tired and cannot be bothered to write in any detail about why it was so awesome - this post has already got longer than I'd planned, I need to go to bed - but in that show, for the first time, Stuart Laws left me saying "that was so good that I can't go to bed without letting Tumblr know that it was really good and everyone needs to go watch it immediately."

This was a good show, and very much my kind of show. Borderline intellectually obnoxious, in the way everything fit together so neatly, not just "came together at the end", but he was constantly throwing in callbacks and tying things together where you wouldn't expect them. "Callbacks" feels like too cheap a word for this. It was more like putting puzzles pieces together. It's annoyingly clever, and I love things like that.

It's also the exact right amount, for my personal tastes, of experimental. This surreal veil over a core narrative that made sense, even if it didn't stick firmly to reality. Easy to understand, and yet with fun conceits that made it more complex than just one guy telling straightforward jokes/stories.

Also funny. Made me laugh out loud several times, which is pretty good.

Stuart Laws during this show, and Pierre Novellie, are probably the two people who've most strongly given me the feeling of "fuck I wish I could tell that joke when I perform comedy" (obligatory disclaimer: I very occasionally perform open spot stand-up, I in no way claim to be "a comedian", but I do at this point perform often enough to walk around life trying to think of new things to say into a mic sometimes). That's not the same as thinking they're the funniest comedians I've ever heard, though of course they've both very good. They're just the two people whose comedy comes closest to the type of thing that I want to sound like/wish I could do. It only occurs to me now, as I write this paragraph, that the obvious thing those 2 and I have in common means apparently the type of comedy I'm into is autism.

How many times have I started a post by saying "I really need to go soon so I won't actually get into this, but..." and then ending up rambling anyway? Too many times. Add this to the list. Actually, saying "I can't get into this but... [proceeds to get into it]" was also a running joke in that Stuart Laws show I just saw; I have not emulated it intentionally but that's autism for you (I mean, when he did it he'd planned it intentionally, which I have not, but still). I'm tired. Looking forward to watching his other shows, but not tonight.

[kiiwiigii]

Night-Time Reading

Alec x Fem!Reader

Summary: You are having a rough day managing your POTS/CFS. All you want to do is relax and Alec is there to help.

Warnings:

Fluff! Nothing but tooth rotting fluff.

Word Count: 400+

Requested?: Yes!

So I'm going through a really rough time, I'm disabled (pots and CFS) and my cfs is acting up badly cause school started and I've been so busy I haven't had a break period, constantly walking and running and being busy. now I have a three day weekend so my body is letting myself feel the consequences of pushing myself too far, so I was wondering if I could suggest some comfort? Alec with a mate that either has cfs or just has some symptoms and just him keeping them as comfortable as possible while they're in pain Common symptoms (including the ones I'm going through) - joint pain (I can barely go up stairs and walk -extreme temp fluctuations (really hot to really cold quickly) -brain fog (brain is foggy. I'm too weak to open a bottle of coke so I left it open and while talking I tipped it over and forgot it was open) -migraines/headaches -sore throat -trembling -really tired but can't fall asleep and/or sleeps for a really long time Thank you for listening 🫶🏼 -🦊

A/N: Hey nonny! I am so, so sorry it has taken me this long to write this. Honestly, I was (and still am I suppose) intimidated to write this, simply because these illnesses are not something I am not even remotely familiar with. But I also want to thank you because it's a good writing exercise for me. I'm also sorry that you're having such a rough time. I can't even imagine. So here's a fic, just for you, darling. I hope you're feeling better.

Another A/N: So the wonderful and amazing @alecvolturi did an amazing edit of Alec reading the first bit of The Hobbit. Please give it a listen as you read. It's PERFECT.

Miserable.

I was fucking miserable.

It began just by sitting up. I could feel the migraine building, and I was already in the throws of a hot flash. It didn't help that the pain in my joints was flaring up again.

It was 3 a.m. and I was already this close to crying. I couldn't remember the last time that I had a proper nights sleep. I just wanted one day, one day where I didn't have to be in pain or worry that any movement I made would set off a whole other series of symptoms, all of which almost all of them were painful.

"Darling?" Alec was next to me, his cold hands running over my heated skin, trailing goosebumps behind in his wake.

His hands were a sweet, cool balm on my flushed skin. It gave me a little relief. I leaned into him, enjoying the cold. His lips pressed to my forehead.

"Scale of 1 to 10?"

"7 to 8." I mumbled.

One would think with how long that I've lived with this disease that I would have a high pain tolerance. That couldn't be further from the truth. I could already feel a few tears slipping from beneath my lashes. I just wanted something to make the pain go away.

I whined as Alec disappeared, only to reappear with my meds and a bottle of water a moment later.

"Here, drink." He handed me the pills and water, and I took them gratefully. He pulled the comforter from the floor where I had kicked it off, bundling it back up on the bed for us to lay down on. He then grabbed my phone, pulling up my favorite playlist, the one he made for me to help me calm down when I felt like shit. The music started flowing through the speaker near my bed at a low volume.

"What book, darling?" His eyes were already scanning my bookshelves.

"Uhm…" I blinked back at him slowly, trying to process what he said.

"How about The Hobbit?"

"Perfect." I rasped with a small smile.

He was next to me again in a flash, his back against the headboard as he pulled me gently to him, a pillow already ready in his lap.

"In the hole in the ground, there lived a Hobbit." His voice lilted over me, and I felt myself begin to relax as his hands gently ran through my hair and along my neck.

The fine mist that signaled the use of his gift began to unfurl from his fingers and I felt myself begin to numb. The first time he had done this it had been disconcerting, but now I welcomed it with relish. A small reprieve from the pain. I smiled to myself, letting my eyes slip closed as I listened.

Then finally, sleep came for me.

{Masterlist} // {Request Guidelines}

Taglist: @alecvolturi @lack-lust-3r @rosedpetal

Wanna be notified when I post a new fic? Ask to join my taglist!

[queenofthedork]

*sigh* So this ramble is about to be all over the place. Just saying

I'm tired of a lot of stuff - of pretending that I'm fine when I'm not, of dealing with the same bullshit day in and out despite my best to try and combat the problem, of having a mindset where any inconvenience, small or big, will send me spiraling and struggling to maintain control, of suppressing how I truly feel for the sake of avoiding confrontation or appealing to others, of people taking advantage of my genuine desire to help and treating me like dog shit, of people throwing around the word overdramatic like my feelings aren't valid and don't matter. I'm sick of all of it. I will admit that I am partially to blame. I've picked up an unfortunate habit growing up of suppressing my emotions and when it starts getting too much for me to handle, instead of confronting it, I just shove them down deeper until I get to the point where I can't bury them anymore and everything just comes flooding out at once and it feels like my whole world is ending. The same can be said when something unacceptable happens either to me or around me - I'll just sweep it under the rug and toss into the vault like it's not a problem I need to deal with. Because I struggle with relying on others/have been told time and time again that I'm being "overdramatic" or "it's not that serious" I don't allow myself enough time to grieve or recover and just keep pushing onwards towards my own self destruction. I've even started convincing myself that I'm not allowed any tears because people start whispering that something's wrong with me for essentially what is feeling a normal fucking emotion. Just because you might not be as emotional as someone else doesn't invalidate their feelings. I know that. I also know that I shouldn't give a shit what people say about me, but hey you hear the same thing enough and you start convincing yourself that it's true. "You're weird", "Why do you cry so much", "Suck it up", "It's not that serious", "What's wrong with her", "Something must be wrong with her", "That's not normal", "Why isn't she like everyone else"? They planted the seed of doubt and now my punishment is constantly feeding it until it feels like it's trying to claw it's way out and rip me apart from the inside out. I hate it and I want it to stop. Hell, I'm so used to trying to solve everything on my own I can't even tell if this is something only I can fix or not. But...I don't even know where I'm going with this. It's early. I should just get off

[bengesko]

SIL actively sabotaging me from cooking again, rant under cut; going to do my monthly hibernation again.

I need my cpap back but the new DME requires a 300$ copay to take me, so I've been saving. (long story, and I'm tired of begging y'all for money so ignore that. I'm Working On It.)

Meanwhile, I told Annie I'd be making curry today so I can make it stretch until my ebt hits. She said okay, she wouldn't use the pots- or she would clean them if she did.

I left to pick up meds, came back, and she's using the big pots, AND the instant pot is FILTHY and CAKED with molè and will require a good 2-3 days of soaking in Bartender's Friend.

She's also using the oven to roast peppers so I can't use the oven, either.

My chicken just thawed so I can't refreeze it, so I gotta worry about trying to cook it in the two days before it goes bad or that's 2lbs of chicken wasted.

But I don't have the energy to clean up after Annie, AND do all the prepping/cooking AND I can't cook after they've gone to bed because the dogs will be a pain in the ass if they can't be in the kitchen.

So I am very likely just gonna get very very stoned and have sleep for my meals for a few days because I can't cook while they're sleeping, and I only have energy to clean OR cook, not both and I'm fucking furious because Annie does this EVERY FUCKING MONTH. She KNOWS shit is tight for me at the end of the month

I'm likely gonna have to throw this chicken away and I am SO FUCKING PISSED because chicken is getting more and more expensive and now I'm likely gonna have to throw it away and I cannot tell you how upsetting, borderline triggering this is for me, as someone who grew up hungry.

Throwing food away because someone else didn't want you to eat is just.... it's why I'm gonna sleep, because it triggers some bad habits of mine I'm struggling to NOT pick up again.

I'm so tired of this bullshit, I'm so tired of being hungry and worried and stressed at the end of every month because SIL actively works to ruin my food or make sure I can't prepare it.

What I need is a friend who lives close by who doesn't mind doing cooking parties, so we can cook together and I can just bring my food home and not have to worry about constantly doing this fucking eggshell dance around my self-absorbed sister in law.

I can't justify spending any of my money on ordering food when I need to save for this copay so I can actually sleep through the night without choking, so. Time for my monthly hibernation.

I'll be sleeping until the 5th; waking up to pee, drink, and scarf down a spoonful of peanut butter, but otherwise, time to save calories.

If anyone needs me, ping me on discord. (If you don't have it; it's pretty obvious what my handle is, just let me know who it is!)

[scribe-of-stories]

Get to Know Your Moots Writeblr Interview

Was poked by the wonderful co-writers of Sunset @sunset-a-story and @touloserlautrec. Go read their posts here and here!

On the Tumblr Writing Community

How long have you had your writing Tumblr/Writeblr? A short eternity (first post is mid 2022)

What led you to create it? Was very bored at work and wanted to share some recent stories. Also I had never tried social media before, it this looked like the most interesting place to try it.

What’s your favorite thing about the Writeblr community? Getting to see other people's imagination unfiltered. I've read plenty of great works before, but it was definitely an entertaining first to see the author later publicly say "this is my favorite little guy, can't wait till the next time he suffers."

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you? I constantly feel like I'm bothering people and or feel self conscious when talking about me/my stuff, so bare with me hah.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash? Just some really unhinged stuff about y'alls stories. I want to open my phone and see someone discussing the seven major heresies dictated by some cabal of priests only to later realize "oh, this is someone's fever dream, not a history lesson".

What tips/advice do you have for someone who made a Writeblr today? Interact more, take up the offer of "open tags" on other people's posts. Also throw your ideas onto the table for other's to look at, we all seem to love just watching someone go off about something they love.

WIP it Good

Which Works-in-Progress (WIPs) or writing projects are you noodling about, lately? Been in a bit of a writing drought. Lexical is always getting worked on, more so the TTRPG stuff than any story right now though. I've had a few projects pop into my mind and leave over the past while. Have a cluster of characters I can't get out of my head, but no narrative or setting to properly put them into. A god of violence and the man that cut her out of himself, a cultish vampire philosopher and his favorite little guy (little guy has a knife). Surely something will come of this, or they'll continue to just exist in one-off stories in my own head. Amber Hill, specifically The Lawman, is still somewhere in here but it's been struggling to come out for a while. Been trying to find Lars' voice as a POV character.

How long have you been working on them? I've been working on something based in Lexical since mid 2022 (huh, exactly around I first posted here); the other guys are new and only a few months old at most.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started? Lexical is a can of worms. The short answer is that my irl DnD group wanted to play something more free form and creative leaning than what our 5e campaign was allowing, so I said fuck it and started homebrewing a system based in a world I have vague ideas about. The long answer is that Lexical is a sequel to a Pathfinder campaign titled "Demis", which was about fantasy super heroes. It was heavily inspired by My Hero, Worm, and inescapably Homestuck. So when it came time to make a whole new system for these same players I took some concepts that worked in Demis, applied some occult-adjacent philosophy I was/am into, and ended up with my years long passion project. Atem and Sadaf were born out of my growing need to explore violence as a concept, philosophy, and inescapable existential crisis. The Vampire and his thrall Ish spawned out of a desire to have a toxic romance to think about. And AmberHill was inspired by a desire to create something cozy and occulty. Ended up being SCP adjacent but maintained the idea of a small community that cares about itself.

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them? Lexical- not enough, I'm lucky I have at least some productive thoughts throughout the day. Atem- too much, his tired ass sat down in my head and I've been too polite to ask him to leave.

When someone asks the dreaded, “What do you write about,” question, what do you usually say? "Urban Fantasy with science fiction elements"

What do you want to say (if it’s different from what you do say)? "My dissertation on the semi-real building blocks of both physical and social reality, also wizards punching people."

Let’s Rotate Blorbos

Name any characters you created. We've got the original Lexical boy Samuel Smith, Atem and Sadaf who you've already heard of, Lars DuPont from Amberhill.

Who’s the most unhinged? Sadaf.

Who comes the most naturally for you to write? For whatever reason Samuel's self-loathing PI perspective just comes very natural and is maybe someone I should write more about.

Do you ever cringe at them? Nah

How much control do you feel you have over your characters? Depends, my mind does not wonder so much that I don't feel like I am ever not in control. But who I am able to focus on tends to be a matter of debate.

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters? Yes absolutely. Characters, worlds, magic systems; I'll rant about any of them given the chance.

On Writeblr Engagement

What makes you want to follow another Writeblr account? A combination of preferred genre (urban fantasy), shared interest (books/games/table top). Also if they have Scribe as part of their name it's just an auto follow.

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle? There's a few. The telepaths from Sunset and their many ways of being terrifying are the first that come to mind. Since I already mentioned the scribes I'll go ahead and tag @scribe-cas , @covenscribe and leave the rest of the tag open. Here is an empty template

[floralgraveyard]

Thank U, Next 💋

A big post dedicated to all the things I would like to say to my most important exes with their identities being anonymous. (Plus 1 extra for my love <3)

🥑: I'm not sure what to say about you. you traumatised me a lot sure but. I have a lot of good memories with you. you made quite a lot of appreciation posts about me. you treated me like I was a beautiful girl. your the reason I'm hypersexual but honestly I miss you sometimes and I think about you. your shitposts inspired me and I walk like that Len meme walking down stairs whenever I walk down stairs because of you. I guess I should say thank you? even if you said soome fucked up shit about me. I feel like you did love me. regardless of my body. I miss you and I hope your doing well.

💘: GOD where the hell do I start. my first darling as a yandere. I constantly go back and forth on whether you were bad or not. yea you loved me and some point you were sweet but also what the fuck? why the hell would you say you wanted to kill yourself after we would meet up so your last day on earth could be with me?? I miss you. you called me selfish. you left me. did a lot of awful things but. I can't bring myself to criticise you. I bury all the shit you said to me deep down. I loved you. and I believe you loved me too. and I hope your doing better now and your parents aren't such deadbeats.

💌: OH MY GOD. THE FUNNIEST PERSON I HAVE EVER DATED BY FAR. I have literally gone on this massive tangents to my bestfriend about how funny you are. and how funny you were and how if I was sad you could instantly make me giggle. even when you were trying to be a petty bitch to me. it was funny. I miss you SO much I literally could never be mad at bro and I'm sorry I lost your username in the process of deleting my accounts on everything. I miss you and I hope your THRIVING.

🩹: okay so. I hurt you. quite a couple times. I'm sorry for this I've said this multiple times and it's not entirely my fault that I hurt you but I think you failed to realise that it isn't all my fault. and I have taken responsibility for how I hurt you. and again. I am sorry. I'll say it a hundred million times. but no one speaks a word how you hurt me. how you abandoned me. I'm trying to get over it honestly it's been ages and I sort of miss you I won't ever admit thay publicly but still. you hurt me. really bad.

🪦: God I just. miss you. even though I don't think you miss me. which is okay. I mean people have said you have but idk.

🎨: oh god FUCK YOU I HATE YOU DIE DIE DIE FUCK YOU. but also I miss you. but FUFKKKK YOU like MAJOR fuck you here. I don't even know how to sum up how I feel about you. talk about a God throwing their worshipper in the bin. "oh no one loves me boohoo" I LOVED YOU BITCH. mmmmdmsmsms fuck you.

🎈: I honestly. don't know what to say about you. your an asshole but I fr miss you but also your an asshole and you fucked up I didn't sooo tbf the burden is not on me to reach out or anything the burden is on YOU. but honestly I think you'll need a couple more years of introspection to understand exactly what the fuck you did to me. but maybe you won't ever.. I don't know. it's hard to tell.

🖼: I miss you. I'm sorry. Is it all my fault?? I don't know.. everyone says it is but genuinely all I wanted to do was love you. I don't know. I'm sorry. I wish I could speak to you again...

✨️: ugh. this bitch I forgot I even dated her. you had a glowup like OH MY GOD. "you two look nice.. what the fuck happened to me?" /ref. I mean sometimes you were nice but also sometimes you were a complete asshole but you were pretty.. and your a pretty girl. and . sometimes you were nice to me. but I don't think you cared.

💍: man I just. miss you and I know you miss me too unless something has changed since the last time we spoke. I don't know. I'm tired. i don't. want to think about you or i might cry.

🕊: I miss you. but also you only get your own spot because you knew were my type and you knew how to get your way with me and waddle your way back into my love and are the most memorable. (in this context I will not be explaining)

🦋: atleast I acknowledge I fucked up with you. the same can't be said with you. I miss you but I don't think I'll ever want to willingly speak to you again considering having a conversation with you is literally impossible.

🎲: your. your confusing. your awful and I know that. but I can't help but miss you? and what we had?? I don't know. it's confusing. I don't wanna think about you..

⚔️: my most recent ex. you know who you are <3 and everyone reading this post does. I love you. whether we're dating or not and you need to realise that I don't need you to be all perfect and stuff you can be the most broken you've ever been and I will still take you in and comfort you. you deserve it. more then you then you think you do (which I know isn't much) I love you <3

and last of all.... 💜: my love <33 I would put their proxy but idk if I can find it but they love purple so it's okay!! this is probably gonna be the longest section and to be fair its only here because I wanna talk about them more and appreciate them more <3. God. do you know how hard is it to find someone who genuinely loves you who doesn't leave you within a week or anything or cheat or judge you. I actually found someone who UNDERSTANDS I've been through relationship trauma and takes it slow with me and is being so sweet with me slowly getting better. and doesn't say I'm too much. and I have overwhelmed them before and I have apologised and made up for it since then but they've never once said im too much for them to handle. I couldn't be happier. I love them. I found the golden chest at the end of the channel. I struck bingo <3. and I'm so happy. no one else loves me like them snd no one will ever take me away from them. I'm so happy <3.

and this concludes this ^^ if your wondering why I made it it's because of the ariana grande song of the same name. take care of yourself if you read all this <3

and as always, thank u next <3

[dreamsmearcampaign]

a. You are literally using a tag that a lot of people who are against Dream use. You cannot say that they are stepping into your community, if you did it first. I hate people who send death threats and I really do hope that you will be able to handle the toxicity of those fans. But do you have to put yourself in danger to protect Dream? In every community there are toxic fans. Dream admits that his community has bad apples too and he doesn't want them and other CCs are the same. Blocking people is your best option in these situations, but if you have a blog like this which uses a tag that can be easily found by toxic fans, it's just unreasonable.

b. I genuinely don't know how often and where Tommy joked about Dream being a pedo (private or public) and I agree that it is a horrible thing to throw out. I do hope he stopped/stops doing that. We can agree on the notion that him using 'pedo' and Dream using 'r-word' was wrong and let the situation dissipate.

c-d. I'm not sure what you mean by educated. because I'm unmedicated and my only resources are internet, the same thing he has access to too. i never had any people in my life who understood my condition and etc.

I also think and agree that different people can have different struggles. I'm mostly talking about him being a CC, who has been in this sphere and having to adapt to it for a long time. Like, if you're saying he's uneducated on these topics, then he can use his money to get some lectures or idk, anything to better his way of communication, which he admits he struggles with. Neurogivergent people aren't stupid and aren't incaple of changing. I believe that he wants people to understand him, but he's struggling with understanding how other people think. That is a thing he can focus on improving in himself.

(also i only heard that he has autism, does he have both? just curious, no hate)

e. Now I am curious if there were any cases of him admitting how he didn't do the greatest job at managing the DreamSMP. Like, I am a firm believer that people can change. But they do need to put the effort and the people that weren't happy with their behavior have the right to never forgive or talk to them again. To me there is a stark difference between an annoying kid and a grown-up 20 year old Tommy. I didn't see much of that in Dream, but I wouldn't be against seeing some examples.

f. Again.. Most people don't actually care and if they do, I'm not sure if you would be able to change their opinion. And by trying you are opening yourself up for hate. You have a literal counter for it at the top. This is gonna sound quite condescending, but I do hope you decide against this whole thing for your own health. I assume you have your own personal things that constantly tire you out as all of us have. There is no denying that all the people involved (Tommy, Tubbo, Dream and etc) have a lot of money and can easily take a break and do nothing for a long time, but I'm sure that you can't. And that is extremely exhausting. Hope you have a better day.

a. The death threats were sent long before we made this post. We are responding to hate, just as Dream responded to Tommy's comments. We have tried to block many of the death threats, but as many of you know. Tumblr is bad about anon blocking.

b. Thank you for your candor.

c-d. By "educated," we meant the habits learned via the school one attends, the environment one is in, and the information one finds online. We recognize that ignorance is often a symptom of the culture an individual is from rather than an intentional bias.

e. Two of us are moderators on Discord, and we agree he could have been better at moderator. A previous anon mentioned Schlatt sent porn to the Discord in a general chat, which is disturbing to us. We hope that never happens again.

f. We recognize the danger of this, but we also believe in educating others. It was not easy for those to resist the Nazis in Germany, to fight against the first Trump administration, to be kind in the face of cruelty. Yet, we choose to do it because It is the right thing.

We appreciate your concern, anon, and we hope you have a good day.

-Mod A

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

(Different anon, CW for discussion of rape)

Stella raped Stolas, willingly and on purpose. While I have zero disagreements that she is also a victim of the arranged marriage and all the culture surrounding all that, some of your points (which were mostly good points, I feel the need to preface this with the fact that you and I are very much in agreement about what Stolas has done wrong) seemed to suggest, at least to me, that she causes less harm to Stolas that she does to her. Like when you bring up how Stolas yells at her and how that's not okay, I think it's really important to acknowledge that she is his abuser, and he is reacting to her active abuse of him. She throws and breaks things, she constantly berates him in front of their daughter, she plotted his literal murder in front of her too, she bragged about raping him at the "still not divorced" party, she physically assaults him, she downplays his emotions and his trauma, and so on. That's just what we see on-screen. I don't think it's abusive for Stolas to have a strong reaction to that.

All of your other points, totally agree with. And it's very possible that I've misinterpreted your thoughts/words regarding Stella (I am basing this ask off a single post of yours, while sleep deprived, so I acknowledge that I may have missed or misinterpreted something). As a victim of domestic abuse, I just felt the need to share my thoughts about their dynamic. And if we disagree that's okay too!

Either way, thank you for your points regarding Stolas and Octavia. You're the only other person I've seen who even touches on that, and it was oddly refreshing. I had similar thoughts but always felt brushed aside when I said something in a discord server about it. 100+ people there and not one seemed to agree about it

I love that you need to preface ranting about Stella with me being right about Stolas lmao.

Anyway, put this off because I was already really tired and worked up over the previous anon I got about this at 5am, and then life stuff was STRESSING ME THE FUCK OUT, and then I went on a collectively 40 hour bus trip to Ohio. Got busy, and didn't care enough about this lmao.

But I'm back now. And eating cheesecake so I'm in a mood to rant without being agitated.

I'm not a Stella "apologist" in the sense that I think she did nothing wrong. But I do think she was robbed as a character (and subsequently Georgina Leahy, who was completely fucking wasted as an actor)

I'm not saying what Stella does isn't abuse or rape. But Stella being a rapist, doesn't make Stolas NOT a rapist lmao. And also, the sentiment that Stella is this evil, awful bad bad WOMAN who causes all the problems, unlike pure baby Stolas is both basically canon and also what 90% of the fandom believes in.

And I'm a fucking contrarian and also unlike Viv, actually believe in Inside Of Every Demon Is A Rainbow, and that everyone deserves empathy and the chance to be better.

One of the big problems with Hazbin/Helluva as a concept, is that it doesn't believe in that.

Characters like Stella, or Valentino, or any character that does something worse than a misdemeanor are immediately, both by the text and fandom, completely written off as Broken and Unredeemable.

Genuinely, what does this scene say? What am I, the audience supposed to take away from this, what bit of valuable character development am I learning from this view of Stella?

It's that she's been like this from the start. She was always bad. There's no point helping her, or wanting her to get better. You see, she was like.......that, even when she was a kid! So really its her fault she's like this.

Stella and Stolas are both products of a patriarchal, sexist society where rape and abuse is expected. They were both set up to fail. That were both groomed to think behaving like this is normal and fine.

There's a way to make Stella a villian and an antagonist without it just reeking of misogyny. She doesn't feel like a well rounded character, with goals and thoughts. She's just a Horrible Woman who makes Man sad. And with the added problem of Stolas participating in sex trafficking, abusing his daughter, and just his all around classisim and racisim, it makes it seem like Stella is only bad because she's mean and not because those things are bad.

HH/HB has a SERIOUS problem with framing abuse(usually sexual??) as Fine and Okay as long as the person doing it is One Of The Good Ones. Val isn't sad or sympathetic, he's scary, so when he's sexually violent it's not only expected, but the most groundbreakingly evil thing he could do and we should kill him and remove him from the story immediately. Angel is sad, and we like him, so his sexual violence is okay because he didn't mean it like that, he's just making a mistake, it's a story about growing after all.

Same goes for Stella and Stolas.

As for Stella being the "abuser", I don't necessarily disagree. But abuse is complicated and especially when dealing with something like marriage or close relationships in general, it can get messy on strict titles like that. People rarely ever stay in one neat box of The Bad One, and The Good One. They can be terrible to each other at the same time, and both suck for it.

We don't really know a whole lot about their past together, however its a patriarchy, and Stolas is the patriarch. No matter what, he has automatic superiorly over her. He's educated, he's a prince, he has the grimoire. Stella was more or less given to him. At the very least, at the start it was probably closer to a mutual abuse/rape situation where neither of them wanted it but Stolas had a duty and Stella was required to participate.

I don't think Stolas' outbursts against her put him in the wrong because he isn't being nice enough about being traumatized. But with everything else happening, it feels hollow and like poor writing. The narrative is just hyper focusing on how much Stolas is suffering because of this society, and then immediately writing Stella off as evil because she evil with no awareness. It's boring. It's dumb. It's disappointing.

Stella exists as a character to make Stolas seem more pathetic and relatable, she's barely even a person. You see his shitty behavior and go "well, look at his wife and everything, of course he's kinda weird sometimes. it's not his fault."

And I think Stolas yelling at Stella is less about their abuse to each other, and how doing that in front of Octavia is bad for her. This divorce is already hard on her, and having to deal with that kind of household sucks. They could keep the fighting under wraps more.

I'm like, a harcore Valangel redemption arc believer, where they can move on from the abuse and mess of their relationship and find a way to reconcile and be civil. And I think Stella and Stolas could've had that too.

They could realize how its less about how much they hate each other, and more the expectations and trauma forced onto them since they were babies. They could bond over how much they don't want Octavia to be another cycle of that. Stella's murder attempt could be about her trying to secure her station in life, keep her image in public, make sure she has the power to give her daughter a slightly better life. Stella could face how fucking awful she is, and find a way to show that she wants to change but she feels trapped. Stolas doesn't want to be there, Stella doesn't want to be there, let them bitches work together. Fuck it, make the public divorce a scam to make one of them look better so it goes faster.

I'm not even actually anti Stolas, I actually liked him for most of the show until shit started really falling apart recently. I just want a timeline where the writing in this show isn't awful and all the characters have real, nuanced arcs. It's just so boring and stupid.

[imzsuzsis-blog]

"I'm fucking gay" I said to myself sometimes louder, sometimes quietly, unfortunately I think several people heard the loud part because they were looking at me, especially Danny was running after me. "Lando, are you grumpy for saying that? Because everyone hears it.” "I am, and when we broke up I was even grumpier, leave me alone, if you want me to, I'm still pregnant with twins from Ollie." Ollie Bearman? What the hell have you been doing?” Danny stopped me from speaking, then tears appeared on my face and I ran away crying. ,,Lokiii where are you????? I want to go back to the fucking fucking hotel!!!!! I can not stand!!!!" I started hitting his chest shaking and throwing up again. "Relax Lando, there are only free training sessions with a break between them." ,, BELIEVE I'M NOT EXCITED I WANT TO GO BACK THERE I HATE IT HERE FUCK ME!!!!" "Deep air says I can do it in myself." "I can do it, I believe in myself, even if I carry two beans Jankó." "MR Norris, we need to talk about beans after training." "No, and I will not have an abortion, this is the final decision, sir." "If he plays for the suspension, then the game has begun." "I'm afraid, Loki, they're not only idiots, they're also strict and they give diets that are impossible or borderline impossible to follow, on top of that they constantly measure our weight and check how much we exercise every day, it's no longer sick, it's fucking pathological."

I leaned against the wall with tears in my eyes and could only scream at the top of my lungs. Leave it!!!! I won't get into that fucking car if they force me to do so at gunpoint." "Well, come in." "Will, Jon, no, these fuckers up there don't even know what I want or what I feel, so no, I'm going to have someone else take my place today and this year." "Leave him for real." "Dude, what will happen to me? We had such a good time together, but what about the photography?" "I'll take photos of the little ones or I don't know if we move to the new place, but the fact that I won't stay in Monaco is fixed." "Do you want to move?" "Yes, everyone has been obsessed with me for a long time, when they see a girl next to me, the tabloids say she's my new girl, when I fuck the boys I loved it, I hate being there." "We understand. Where?" Burying my face in my hands, I started to cry even more and shook my head. "I don't have the faintest idea where America might come into question, I don't know, New York especially Upper, Miami, Los Angeles, but back to England and Bristol and its surroundings or London, I don't have an idea yet, but it's far from there and from the people there."

The news made my fucking blood run cold, I went to see Lando through the journalists because he just said all this in public. ,,A thousand apologies... Fuck you Lando, you said everything openly, even what you shouldn't have!!!! Now you're going to be all over the headlines because of your breakout!!!! "Osc, who excites the bitch, fuck them, they need to know what a fucking little world Formula 1 is and what a fucking little puppet we are for them that they can play with as they please and like, they can suck my dick." We didn't even pay attention, but all the cameras took us and everyone took pictures of us, and even Lando gave them the fucking horse. ,,This is serious? You know you can't say." "Yes, fuck me, just like I'm tired of shit, I'm not acting anymore here, if that's what I want, I'll go to a fucking casting and I don't care how many weeks I am, I'll do it if I get in, okay, but no, as a child, if you didn't know, I was a child actor . Stupid child and I would choose this place over the shitty place right now. Get it.” I ran after him and slapped him. "You know, I was also a child actor, but now it's not about that, it's about what you said shouldn't have happened."

"Child actor, Child actor" I muttered to myself and looked for a cigarette in my back pocket, and for my lip ink, "mhhh Benefit is expensive but... How seriously did you take Oscar from me and throw it away?" Your good fucking mother!!!!!!” I took it out and imitated a fake kick in the ass, and he showed me how the hell you put on makeup if you can't see it. "Because if only you knew that I've been doing this since I was fourteen." ,,Landooooo fuck fourteen???? Are you screwed???? Good tests, huh?” I showed him it was full of liquid flavoring, it was undrinkable and the color was strange, it didn't smell like anything, but it did have a sparkle. "Liquid highliter and put it down, it flows very well." ,,This? It has bristles, but it's also cool." ,,That mascara and eyebrow gel, put my fucking make-up stuff down Osc this is fucking not funny!!!!! That's my contour stick, my foundation, concealer, bronzer, that's my fucking blush, that's my eyeshadow palette, and put it all down. Damn" "Good, okay..." I left Lando, who was just putting some cream on himself. "MR Piastri, where is his teammate?" "I don't know, I think he's already gone with him boyfriend, he has a date today, he said he went there, sir, I can't give him an interview, I'm sorry." I ran back panting with messy hair. ,,What's wrong?" "Fuck the fucking gossip press and they're asking about you." We looked outside and a good number of people gathered, none of us dared to go outside when ten minutes later we heard a knock. "I'm Loki, may I come in?" ,.Of course it is." "This is a fucking crowd, what the hell happened?" "I don't know either, except that some asshole asked me where Lando was, and I lied and saved the best and said that he was on a date with his friend, so I thought he wasn't here anymore." "Oscar, you bastard, we're going down because of you, everyone will know that me and Lando are a couple!!!" "Good, but I didn't tell you he was pregnant." "You wordy bastard Australian, can't you be like that?" "Get me, I'm confessing to them, you scumbags" I ran out angrily, slammed the door behind me and instead did everything against myself, kept my mouth shut, "I'm telling you he's on a date with his partner, leave him alone and on top of that, Lando Norris is gay, so he's not with a girl if they ask you idiots !!!!!” I looked in my phone and all the gossip sites were full of me, "Formula 1 driver Lando Norris is gay." I ran after Oscar, but I didn't really see spit anywhere, "Kill Oscar Piastri, you're bisexual or stupid!!!!" I felt Loki's palm on my back, bit my lip and killed him, "Fucking big scandal and it started as I predicted." "Yes, but I think we should go because I have a reservation at the restaurant at nine in the evening."

[digitalgate02]

i want to be truly honest about my feelings re: this fandom's behavior which is just making me sort of stressful these last months.

I know people are tired of Adventure milking, and so I am as well, but i don't like when they also loathe on the original two series (Adv'99 and 02) because of the new content.

I love Advverse, ok? I really love it since I was a kid. Most of my friends I made through 02 so 02 is VERY IMPORTANT to me. But when I see people simply throwing a fit at Advverse as a whole because of tri., Kizuna and now 02TB I just start simply feeling that I should just avoid talking with others, block them or at least their posts.

You all know how much I want new stuff from anything past Frontier. Or even, past Adv'99. But I'd like it to be in merch format since I got a few traumatic experiences with tri. and everyone is well aware of it already.

The reason I avoided talking about tri., or even had a very negative opinion about it is that the fanbase ruined it for me. As much I love the Advverse lore, I don't really care much about it being consistent...? Like the part of it being consistent is more about working on my own stuff, but if something is enjoyable i give it a pass. There's non-lore compliant stuff i deeply care about in other franchises (like, y'know, Sonic Prime and Sonic Boom, both TV series, as example) and i think i'd have enjoyed tri. as a whole if i hadn't been constantly misjudged as a hater, having all of my concerns reduced into "Ni hates it because no 02 kids in it" and being gatekept, gaslighted and even accused of "forcing others to dislike it for 02" and then having some close friends or tri. fans claiming i'm utterly toxic or a "fake Adventure series fan" for simply having CONCERNS about this series direction and production.

There's things in tri. that I definitely liked and ofc I do not want to believe in a full retcon -- for example, I loved the new characters and them being poorly treated in-series was revolting to me. I'd like to believe Maki and Daigo are not dead, and if there's a lore compliant version of it made for Kizuna/02TB, i'll pretend or even believe that Maki and Daigo never died and are fine.

As for Adventure milking... I think not many people know but the way Toei and Bandai had promoted digimon series past Frontier was abysmally BAD. Bad timeslots, bad promotion, etc. -- This is why they have to bundle everything past Frontier in All-series material, like the 25th Anniversary campaign, for example.

If there's a huge fanbase for Ghost Game and even merch + collabs with this series, it's because they simply learned with the mistakes and the fact nowadays it's easier to access to Digimon series via streaming series and VOD is HUGE ADVANTAGE here.

The fact we're finally getting Savers and Frontier official subs (even if bad idk) on Crunchyroll in a few places is a BIG WIN here. In Japan there's some streaming services with ALL OF THE DIGIMON ANIME SERIES, including Appmon. Many people are getting access to those series only now.

Also, seems like they're trying to re-brand the franchise as well. To make more people get more awareness of everything and not just the first four series.

I know everyone wants them to stop making Advverse movies and content, but please. Please, stop loathing and politely send your feedback to Toei/Bandai with lots of RESPECT. Digimon Partners is open worldwide and lots of things can be done via this platform. If you want more merch or the series past-Frontier gets recognized: Go there and let them know.

Just complaining and hating on Adventure branch won't make anything past Adv'99 & 02 get new stuff or awareness. So please, do something instead of losing your minds every time Toei announces something featuring Taichi, or mocking staff members for possibly saying nonsense things because of their high ups telling them to do.

Thank you.

[angelicwriter31]

Tired, Need More Sleep?

MON 30 SEP

Day 16 of Cycle

I feel very tired and kind of grimy. Saturday night I may have over done the alcohol. Socializing with friends and family always ends up in over-indulgence. I hate drinking and would rather NOT drink, but I'm constantly being peer-pressured. I will ask for only water next time.

Drinking also throws off my tracking of my mood because now I'm not sure my tiredness is caused by the alcohol or my hormones. I usually don't eat breakfast on a work day because I wake up too late.

I genuinely just want to go to sleep early and be so productive and not waste time... Drinking is such a stupid activity.

In other musings... Sometimes I wonder why L just won't leave B. Is she really happy with him? She always posts up something cryptic and vague. I am unsure if it has anything to do with him, maybe she is just being cryptic and vague because that's what we do.

I want to spend some time today being kinder, patient and warm. I want to be a good person. And who am I if not the amalgamation of all my actions combined? And what better time to start than now?

I'm going to try to stay present and not let the day escape me. Everyday I can get closer to my goals.

Love,

Angel