#I'm seriously thinking about taking some of it

[thecapricunt1616]

Vervain - c.b. one-shot

♡ O/S Inspo: Vervain - Use in Protection, purification, youth, peace, healing, sleep and baths. For all-purpose protection of homes and people (especially children).

♡ Summary: You & Carmy had your first baby 8 weeks ago... seeing him being so attentive and such a good father is for some reason inducing a baby fever - again.

♡ W/C: 4.6K+

♡ Posted Date: 05/09/2024

♡ A/N: OOOO hey yallllll! Capri is back - She was written by the writing bug this morning!!! I have other requests i'm still working on but for now - I am swallowing my stage fright, I hope this suffices for what you were wanting future Mrs.Berzatto eek!!! Thank you so much for requesting from me! You can see the request this one-shot is based on right ♡ here ♡ if you aren't following @carmenberzattosgf already I'm quite unsure how you found ME before you found HER go give her a freaking follow!!!I am seriously such a fangirl for her work and was over the moon when she requested me!

♡ Warnings for BTC: Pregnancy stuff, breeding kinks, talking about parenting stuff, Dad!Carmy, unedited (we die like men), NO USE OF Y/N!, AFAB/Feminine reader w/ long hair implied

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡

It had been exactly 8 weeks today from when you’d given birth to your baby girl, Athena. Of course, you weren’t thinking about this yet - because you were peacefully sleeping away in bed, at 8:45 am. Each day you woke though, you were surprised your life wasn’t a dream. 

Being married to your ultimate dream man, with the most beautiful little baby and not a rush in the world. Carmy had known when you got pregnant he’d be taking some time off after you gave birth to care for you, especially since you’d been trying for a baby so he was more prepared to have everything set up. He made your life almost impossibly easy. 

Impossibly meaning it was nearly…isolating how simple your problems were compared to other moms. Since Carmy was like - the fucking golden standard of dad. You weren’t sure where he learned all this shit- especially since his father was never around and you knew for a fact didn’t treat his mother like this. You honestly felt bad complaining about anything to other moms - because in comparison when you did they were needing to do way more then you, and alone - because their husbands simply didn't care, or weren't interested in learning.

He had completely taken over the nighttime feedings, every 2 hours an alarm buzzing him awake on his watch. He would go ease little Athena awake, come back to the bedroom, gently wake you, set a boppy in your lap, help you undo your maternity bra and get her latched, and rub your back through the cramping that breastfeeding brought, whispering sweet encouragements and kissing your temple. 

After she was done eating, he would help you get situated again, bottle up the letdown milk and put it in the mini fridge he’d gotten for your bedroom for this specific purpose before bringing your daughter back to her nursery and burping her, before changing her and putting her back down - just do do it all again an hour and 15 minutes later. 

He took over the cleaning completely - your house was spotless nearly at all times, and of course you were very well fed. He would combat the exhaustion fatherhood brought by passing out next to you in bed after he brought you breakfast on a cute little tray and Athena had her morning feeding before being put down for a nap, baby monitor on his chest so he could jump up the second she fussed. 

“G’morning mama” was what woke you this morning, that and gentle kisses on your forehead. You heard quiet little coos and immediately your eyes were open on instinct, to see little Athena nuzzled up in Carmys arm like a little football and a tray of amazing smelling breakfast in your face. 

“I want my baby” you open your arms and he gently placed her on your chest to which she grunts happily and squirms her little legs, doing everything she can to lift up her head to see you. 

“She’s such a good girl mama she helped me make breakfast f’you this mornin’ she’s the best little sous ever” he cooed, looking at her beaming with happiness as he rubs her little back. 

This was what got you. You weren’t sure if it was the hormones, if it was the fact your husband looked like a fucking Greek god incarnate, or if it was just - you don’t know…human fucking nature?! Literally? But the insane level of need that you had for him - you wanted another one. 

Athena wasn’t even rolling on her side yet and you were already craving being pregnant. Well- Carmy did love your body while you were pregnant. You loved your body while pregnant, you felt sexier and more feminine and pretty and overall like a goddess. Mostly thanks to Carmy and his constant praises, and the way you two were fucking like rabbits during your pregnancy and you missed that. 

“What’s f’breakfast daddy?” You pucker your lips to which he obliges and gives you a sweet peck 

“So this mornin, Miss Athena she decided on an omelette so we have a French omelette with dill-“ he explained and you inturrupt with a giggle 

“Did you? You came up with that all on your own Athena? Such a smart girl!” You joked, kissing the top of her soft head to which she just huffed a breath to your skin and made little baby grunting noises as she wiggled her legs 

“She did! Then we also have a light cucumber salad f’you with fresh herbs ‘f’course, sourdough toast, and a banana smoothie. All made with love” he kissed the top of your head. 

Each morning after her first feeding, he would take Athena into the kitchen with him, baby wear her because he is just that perfect, and explain every little detail to her softly while he would cook breakfast, giving her head gentle kisses along the way and rubbing her back soothingly. He did the same while cooking lunch, and dinner. The first time you saw this you burst into tears at the sweetness and the beauty of creating your own family.

“Wow sweetheart thank you! This looks sooo yummy” you kissed the now drowsy baby’s nose and she smiled softly, causing you to smile and Carmy to gasp happily. 

“Look at that little smile ‘eh? Such a pretty girl” he rubbed her back gently and you carefully picked her up and put her on his chest so you could eat, to which he happily laid back, palm flat over her little back patting her soothingly. 

“Can’t wait to try this bear looks so yummy” you pull the tray in your lap and cut off a bite, trying it and nodding “course a ten.” You look at him and he huffs a laugh as to not wake the baby who was clearly ready for another nap

“Y’always say ten” he said softly and pressed his lips to Athena’s head gently, breathing in her baby smell. “Do you know what day it is?” He mumbles and looks over at you. 

“I’ve been waiting for this day for….eight weeks” you smirk and he shook his head amusedly with a smile. 

“Babe- you’ve been” he covers her tiny ears “you’ve been sucking me dry I didn’t even have a break. This is gettin’ exhausting” he joked and you laugh quietly as to not disturb the baby. 

“Not my fault you’re like- don’t get me started I need to eat and shower and shave and - today is a big day.” You said and sipped your smoothie, humming happily “this is really good seriously bear” you told him and he rubbed your hand gently before pressing it to his lips 

“Alright well that means I better get a move on then and there’s laundry t’do so I better go put ‘er down, you eat. Watch y’show ’er whatever and you can do your shower mm?” He asked and you nodded happily. 

Of course he’d oblige your every wish. He had always been this way, but became even more lenient after you’d gotten pregnant. You made sure many times through tearful guilt that he wasn’t making himself resent you, and he assured you that everything he does he wants to do and only does because of the fact that he wants to, he also assured you he could never resent you or even dislike you, or anything less then be fully in love with you. 

You had a luxurious shower, slathered on your favorite lotion and were even able to blow out your hair, putting on your favorite pair of lacy panties. You were upset you had to settle for a nursing bra, but knew Carmy wasn’t going to mind. You put on one of your comfortable slips, even put in some earrings after doing your skincare. By the time you were done Carmy was just getting Athena up from her nap and changing her diaper before bringing her in 

“Say hi mama” he takes her little hand waving it at you “did you have a nice shower?” He pecked your lips sweetly and helped you get settled with her on the bed so she could eat. 

“Very nice - thank you for taking care of everything sweetheart” you sit back, sighing softly and resting your head back “I love you” you look over at him with a sweet smile. 

“I love you beautiful, how y’feelin any cramps?” He asked and held your hand, lacing your fingers together sweetly and kissing your fingers. 

“No- well…not as bad anymore If anything when she’s not as hungry my boobs start to hurt” you explained and he nods 

“Well y’look beautiful baby, I love these on you” he gently touches your earring bringing a smile to your lips, he always notices the smallest things about you. Like he has you memorized. 

“Thank you Bear” you said softly as the baby makes little gulping suckling noises. Carmy chuckled, rubbing her belly lightly. 

“That’s the good stuff huh little? Mama’s got the golden tap” he jokes and you laughed, holding her securely 

“Stop! Stop making me laugh she’s comfy latched like this you’ll piss her off” you nudge him with your foot gently 

“It’s true! You were the one that forced me to try it. It’s sweet, I see why she likes it.” He said and you scrunch your nose, biting back giggles 

“Yes because it encourages her to eat it.” You gently brush that spot over her nose bridge and forehead, causing her eyes to flutter shut “that’s why when she’s 6 months we can’t let her have fruit for a while cause she’ll think everything’s sweet like my milk” you explained 

“Mmm…read that too in one of the books you got- it’s a good call” he thumbs over her fingers gently that were wrapped around his forefinger tightly like a baby monkey. 

“You should sleep” you told him softly. “You can have snuggles with her I’ll watch you” 

He smiled and leaned in, kissing you lovingly “thank you sweets. I can burp her s’okay. I already got the towel” he said and grabbed it from his nightstand. 

She only took a few more minutes before she slowly stopped suckling and instead went to fall right asleep but before she could you took her off and handed her over to Carmy for burping to which she fussed before she realized her dad was taking her then she relaxed again. 

After Carmy fell asleep, you went to put her down for a nap as well and put away the laundry Carmy had washed. It was about 3 hours before Athena began to fuss again and you went to get her, sitting in her rocking chair after you’d changed her and reading her a book as she ate. 

Carmy came in just as you were finishing up The Very Hungry Caterpillar “that’s a good one huh princess?” He said softly, gently caressing her cheek with his knuckle to which she fluttered her eyes open and smiled slightly before closing them again. 

“Mmhmm, that one always puts her to sleep, she stopped eating 3 pages ago but I like to let her have a little time” you said and gently pulled her off to which of course she fussed. Carmy took her, hushing her sweetly and putting her on his shoulder. 

“Y’mommy spoils you little girl” he told her, gently bouncing her as he burped her, putting a cloth on his shoulder and kissing her head. You smile slightly as you fixed your bra and nightgown 

“I’d say we both spoil her. The doctor says she’s the happiest baby she’s met” you fixed her little sock that she’d managed to wriggle down to her toes before kissing her foot 

“And the smartest and the prettiest and the most perfect “ he told her sweetly patting her back as she let out a big burp “good girl” he said and you giggled 

“That was a good one” you told her and kiss her head gently, seeing him like this with her, especially mixed with a sleep thick voice, no shirt, and messy curls - not to mention the stubble from not bothering to shave as often. He looked…delicious 

“Mmm- such a sexy daddy too” you mused, kissing his neck gently and rubbing your palm over his abs that had gone a bit softer due to spending way less time in the gym, but you loved it. 

“Yeah? Even with throw up on my shoulder mm?” He joked, and usually that would be gross - but fuck. The way he stepped up as a father constantly - everything he did was with the two of you in mind and you never even had to ask. He’d quit smoking for god sakes without you saying a word once he’d found out you were pregnant. 

“Especially. You’re so fucking amazing Carmy. Let me go to the bedroom so you can put her down but we need to talk” you told him and kissed his lips lovingly before heading back to the bedroom so he could work his magic getting her to sleep. 

It only took him 20 minutes before she was out and he came to the bedroom, carefully shutting the door behind him. “Needa talk mm? Got a feelin’ we won’t be doin much talkin’ “ he teased, throwing her spit up towel in the hamper easily and coming to lay down with you. As soon as his head hit the pillow you were straddling his lap, your hands on either of his shoulders like a hungry lioness in heat. 

“I want you to fuck another baby in me.” You said and kissed him deeply, grinding against him and running your hands over his chest and abdomen, tugging at the tie of his sweatpants. He moaned in surprise and grabbed your bum, squeezing and spanking you lightly before pulling away after a few more moments of you essentially eating eachother alive to breathe. 

“Holy fucking shit” he said, chest rising and falling quickly “what got into you- im not complaining but-“

“Get me pregnant. I love it- I love it Carmy. God I feel so fucking hot. And seeing you with our daughter being all attentive and good to her? Holy fuck baby. Mm when people look at me - when they look at us I love it. I love knowing that people know you knocked me up.” You said, kissing his neck and sucking a hickey into the stubbly skin there. He moaned softly, palming your ass and squeezing your upper thighs 

“No baby not yet - not yet mm? Y’need time to heal…we can pretend mm?” He counters and gently brushed your hair back. You whine and pout, pulling back and looking at him 

“No. I want it now get me pregnant now.” You beg and hold his hands “pleeease I’m all healed remember? It’s 8 weeks.” You said and kissed over his tattoos, hoping you were distracting enough to get him to agree.  

“Mm yup you can have me inside you again, but doctor said having another baby so fast would cause them to have low birth weight. We don’t want that for our babe no? Also y’breastfeeding babe. The chances of you getting pregnant are super low” he said and you huff, sitting up frustratedly 

“You really know how to turn a girl off, you know that right? Can’t you pretend to satisfy your wife? Don’t you think I know?! Do you think I’m stupid?” You snip and he raised his brows 

“Y’gettin sassy w’me?” He questioned lowly and squeezed your hips “fix the attitude” he ordered and you bit back a smile. 

“No.” You crossed your arms “I don’t have one” you snip “you’re being mean t’me. Y’being mean to your wife” you teased, shoving his shoulder into the pillow playfully. 

“Ohh” he chuckled a bit “did you just push me?” He mused, grabbing your wrist firmly but not enough to hurt, just enough to show you he was willing to play. 

“What would you do about it if I said yes?” You leaned in so close your noses were touching. 

“You’d be in trouble” he smirked, leaning in and tugging your bottom lip between his teeth and sucking and nibbling it gently the way drove you wild. You moaned softly, your eyes fluttering shut. The feeling went straight to your core, warmth flooding your abdomen and your clit twitching with excitement. 

“Please” you said softly, well as much as you could mumble with one lip the other still being assaulted by Carm who was very much enjoying the way you were squirming in his lap to get any kind of friction you could. 

He finally releases you “please what angel?” He spanks you lightly “what d’y’need mm?” He lifted your nightgown over your ass and squeezed the flesh, reaching under you and cupping your heat. He hummed at the feeling of dampness already soaking the lace, collecting as much as he could on his fingers. 

“I need you t’fill me up again. Fuckin breed me make me a mommy again mm?” You begged, grinding against his hand - not even caring about the whorish filthy moans falling from your lips. You’d been fantasizing about this for weeks now, the relief of his hand- his wonderful calloused, thick, muscular hand, felt like it was enough to send you into a full orgasm just from the pressure his fingers were giving. 

“Holy fuck y’soaked babe- my god” he groaned, pulling your panties to the side and gently rubbing circles into your swollen throbbing clit that was already twitching. Your hips buck and you bit down on your hand to hold in a cry as to not wake the baby. The next 3 or so minutes you couldn’t even remember what you said as he rubbed firm quick circles over your clit and after not having been touched for nearly 3 months - you were cumming on his hand mumbling his name, and profanities that would likely be considered sacrilegious while whimpering and squirming, thighs shivering - the whole 9. 

“Wow” he muttered, and if your orgasm wasn’t so intense you would probably have laughed at how amazed he sounded. “Y’good?” He rubs your stomach gently and you nod quickly, trying to even your breathing. 

“Fuck-“ you said once you came down “I literally blacked out for a second I think-“ you laughed and he followed suit, carefully laying you down after tucking 2 pillows under your hips to keep you elevated and tugging your panties off. 

“Shit babe y’get all soft on me?” He teased, carefully wrapping your thighs around his waist and pushing down his boxers and sweats just enough to let his cock free. You loved this. It all felt so normal, you were worried it would be awkward getting in bed again, but you two were picking up right where you left off. 

“I think you’re underestimating how sensitive hormones make you” you said as he kissed over your stomach and hips, licking a stripe up your heat causing you to gasp and grip the sheets tightly , your core clenching around nothing. Each touch felt like the power of a lightning strike, it was so much better than before. It had to be the hormones, but shit - now that you knew how good this felt you were worried you could never get enough of him. 

“I guess I was. Also y’super sweet now by the way - sweeter then before I should say” he spread you wider with his fingers to lap up more of your arousal and you look down at him, moaning at the sight. 

“God I fuckin missed you between my thighs - you’re so pretty” you smile, watching as he strokes himself as he continues to pleasure you first per usual. “Can you- try inside?” You asked gently and he looked up at you, resting his cheek on your thigh. 

“You’re ready for that?” He asked softly, his lips and chin glistening with slick. 

“Yeah- uh…try one? Maybe just one at first” you said sheepishly and he nodded, licking his lips 

“Course sweetheart, tell me if s’too much yeah?” He assured and rubbed over you gently before easing a finger over your entrance. 

The feeling was…well. 

It was similar to the uncomfort of your first time, which - if that was the case then it would just take a few times to feel good again. “How’s it feel?” He gently sucks your clit as he eases to the second knuckle, curling gently 

“Mm- okay? Not like it used to. But kinda like it used to…maybe it’ll feel better the more we do it” you assure and he nods a bit, flicking his tongue over your sensitive bud in the way that always got you to open up to him and you gasped lightly, back arching and core going lax. He slipped the final knuckle in and placed a kiss to your mound before slowly pumping as to not overstimulate you. 

“Yeah- mmm yeah” you breathe as it started to feel more familiar, the muscles loosening once again and relaxing. “Another- you can try another.” You told him and gently lace your fingers in his hair. He carefully eased in his forefinger, curling them against your g-spot and your thigh twitches, you nearly sobbed at the feeling that shot through your body at the contact. 

“Oh- okay found it-” he chuckled a bit “sorry did it hurt?” He asked and you shook your head quickly 

“Again” you said softly, trying to remain all of your control because you knew as soon as you lost it finding it would be nearly impossible and you two had a sleeping tiny human 1 room over. 

“Y’feel a lot tighter” he said, pumping his fingers slower, curling them against that fantastic spongey spot each time and you felt that coil in your belly tightening rapidly and it was going to snap now, any moment. “Y’like gushing right now” he chuckled, but it fell on deaf ears because your mind was fuzzy with pleasure. 

You couldn’t form a thought even if you tried, the mixture of his tongue sloppily drooling all over your clit as he padded over it, and the jolt of pleasure each curl of his fingers - it was a place long forgotten since your baby had been born since your priorities had both been changed and refocused for the time being. You weren’t able to warn him, you couldn’t do anything other then mutter his name as your orgasm washed over you so hard he had to hold your legs open so you didn’t crush him by mistake. 

“Fuck me- fuck me baby please Jesus- fuck me” you found yourself begging as you fluttered your eyes open and he was looking up at you in amazement like an owl, mouth slightly agape. 

“Holy shit” he muttered “you’ve never cum like that- what the fuck- I thought I almost killed you” he kissed your thigh and you laugh, a real laugh, chest rising and falling quickly as the aftershock of your orgasm reels back mixed with your giggles. 

“Please. Please” you cup his cheeks “cum inside me” you beg. He trailed kisses up your body, meeting your lips and pulling you into a hot, messy kiss. Mixed with clashing teeth and mixing of spit and sucking of tongues, before lining himself up and carefully pushing his tip in. You whimpered into his mouth and he pulled his lips away from yours, a small string of saliva connecting you both 

“Did I hurt you?” He asked worriedly and you shook your head

“Feels so good bear. Keep goin’ fuck I f’got how full I can feel” you pulled your lips back to his and felt him smile into your lips, holding your hand and lacing your fingers as his other hand worked on rubbing circles into your clit. He kept you quiet by making out with you as he thrusted in fully, staying still for a moment so you could adjust to the sensation once more. 

He grunts, feeling your walls flutter around him and you giggle in response, causing him to moan at the feeling of your walls squeezing around him “shit don’t do that I’ll fuckin cum”

“Then move dummy!” You push your heels into his ass and he chuckled, thrusting slowly in and out, nearly to the tip, before thrusting all the way back in to the hilt- his balls touching the curve of your ass 

“ are y’fuckin kickin me like a horse?” He teased as your back arched off the bed, a whiny moan tearing from your throat and he covers your mouth quickly, “here y’are beggin me t’fuck a second one int’you- y’haven’t even learned how t’be quiet for the first. The baby is sleeping.” He grumbled, and the way he was getting rough with you to protect your baby was enough to throw you into your third orgasm, tears pricking at the corner of your eyes from the overstimulation of your clit, whining and squirming beneath his grasp. 

“Y’gonna be quiet? Er do I have to keep you muzzled ‘mm?” He teased, removing his hand from your mouth 

“Promise- I promise- please please please Carmy - give me another one I promise I’ll be so quiet” you said softly, your voice pleading and begging. He moaned, thrusting a bit harder 

“Can y’take it? Mm? Are y’sure Y’can take me again princess? Last time I knocked you up it took quite a few months a’you face down, ass up, full a’my cum. Nights at a time. Y’don’t remember how you’d whine about how sore you’d get while you were ovulating? Mmm? Fuck you so full y’get sore- fuckin y’four er five times a’day?” he grabs your face, forcing you to look at him with mushed cheeks. 

You whine pathetically, mumbling little ‘yes’ ‘mmhmm’ and ‘please’  you manage to get out an “I miss that so much Carmy” you whimper as he cages you in with his arms, his chain dangling in your face and brushing against your chin as his thrusts get sloppier. 

“Yeah? You miss bein full a’my cum? Y’miss wakin’ up in the mornin’ drippin’ w’me honey?” He mutters into your neck, feeling droplets of your sweat mixing together as your bodies rubbed with his incredibly deep thrusts, nearly laying over you. But Carmy was the most comfortable blanket you could ever ask for. 

“So much- so so much baby. Y’know Athena would be such a good sister- she needs a little friend mm? Y’gonna give your girl what she wants?” You scratch down his back as he pounds right into your g-spot, “oh I’m gonna cum” you whined, back arching and chest pressing flush to his. 

“Fuck - fuck- yes. Yes baby. Fuck m’gonna fuck you full I promise- fuck I’ll give you whatever you want baby I fuckin love you I love you” he moans into your neck, whimpering softly as he shoots hot thick ropes of cum deep inside you, fucking you through your fourth orgasm of the day, rubbing over your belly gently “gonna fuckin stretch this belly out again mm?” He growled hotly in your ear and you giggle, slapping his back playfully. 

“You're so funny talking about wanting to wait” you said and he huffs a laugh into your neck. 

“Yeah yeah. Legs up- Thena’s gonna be hungry soon so Y’can only prop up there f’r like half an hour” he said and helped you put the pillows against the headboard with your hips on them so you were at an angle and rest your legs up on it to let gravity do its thing.  It wasn’t surprising to you, but he absolutely wasn’t opposed to another one so soon after a little convincing.

[hellcat8908]

Drowning Poly Bat Boys x Female Reader

Warnings: Mention/thoughts of suicide, mental health, language

Cassian dramatically carried you inside the house of wind where Madja was waiting. "Seriously? They're just minor cuts." You argue as you see Madja waiting for you. "You're getting looked over." Azriel said as Cassian gently put you down in a chair. "Madja, I'm fine. I'm sorry they brought you up here for this." You apologize. "Better safe than sorry." She says as she looks over the cuts you sustained in the ambush. "Nothing some rest and salve won't be able to fix." Madja announces to you and your mates.

"Check her lungs." Cassian says. "Her lungs?" Azriel and Rhys question in unison. "I'm fine, Cass." You answer, ignoring Rhys and Azriel. "She almost drowned." Cassian informs them. "Better take a look. Just to be safe." Madja says as she examines your lungs and breathing. "You're making a big deal about nothing." You tell them. "Your lungs sound fine. Don't hesitate to reach out to me if you have any concerns." Madja says as she starts packing up. "You two keep an eye on her." Rhys says before he takes Madja home.

"I'm going to soak in a hot bath." You announce. "Alone." You add when you notice your mates moving to follow you. "I'll make you something to eat. What would you like?" Azriel offers. "I'm not hungry." You answer. "Princess, please. Even if it's just a snack." He pleads. "Please, Az. I just want a hot bath and to go to bed." You answer. "Alright, princess. Let us know if you need anything." He says, allowing you to retreat to the bathroom.

The house already has your favorite candles lit and the tub filling with hot water as you enter. You shut and lock the door behind you. You breathe a sigh of relief now that you're finally alone. You unlace your boots and slip out of your clothes before adding your favorite scented oils to your bath. The steam from the bath warms the room around you. You step into the massive tub and sink down to your neck. The hot water relaxes your muscles as you settle in.

Meanwhile, Cassian and Azriel are waiting for Rhys to return in the living room. "Do you have a shadow watching her?" Cassian asks. "Of course, why?" Azriel responds. "She nearly drowned." Cassian states. "I know, but I doubt she'll drown in the bath." Azriel says. "She knows how to swim. When I reached her, there was nothing dragging her down, and she didn't have any major injuries that would prevent her from treading water at least." Cassian says. "What are you getting at, Cass? Do you think she tried to drown herself?" Azriel asks, shocked.

"I don't know, let's just see what Rhys thinks." Cassian says as he anxiously waits. "What I think about what?" Rhys asks as he walks through the doorway. "Cassian's theory about y/n." Azriel answers. "What theory?" Rhys asks, confused. "She nearly drowned, but she can swim, and nothing was dragging her down, nor did she have any injuries that would prevent her from at least treading water." Cassian answers, deciding to just come out with it. "So you think she tried to drown herself. Where is she now?" Rhys asks.

"She's soaking in a bath." Azriel answers. "You think she tried to drown herself, and you're letting her soak in a bath without either of you watching her?" Rhys asks as his anger rises. "I've got a shadow watching her." Azriel replies. "How do we handle this?" Cassian asks. "Well, if we just come out and accuse her, she's going to be angry." Azriel says. "Can you enter her mind." Cassian asks Rhys. "Not without her permission and asking to would raise suspicion." Rhys answers.

Azriel's eyes widen as his shadow reports back to him. Cassian takes off towards the master bathroom, bursting through the door. "What the hell, Cass?!" You practically scream. "I thought you were in trouble." He admits as Azriel and Rhys fall in beside him. "Why would you think that?" You ask. "Well, Az's shadow-" he starts to answer, but you cut him off. "Of course, I couldn't get a moment to myself." You interrupt. "You tried to drown yourself! We were worried about you!" Cassian says angrily.

"What are you talking about?!" You ask. "You nearly drowned in the lake! We know you can swim, so why didn't you?" He questions. "You don't know what you're talking about! Now get out so I can get dressed!" You demand. "If you didn't, then prove it. Show Rhys." Cassian says. "Get out! All of you!" You demand. "If you won't show him, then it's true!" Cassian says. "Cass, give her some privacy." Azriel says as he pulls him towards the door.

Azriel and Rhys manage to get Cassian out of the bathroom before attempting to close the door. Cassian broke. You step out of the bath and dry yourself off. You pull on one of your shirts and a pair of sleep pants. Tears blur your vision as you realize how bad your mental health has become. You hadn't made the conscious decision to let go. You just sort of did. "Darling?" Rhys says gently from the doorway. Before you can blink, he's kneeling in front of you, "Darling, talk to me, please." He says.

"You have my permission." You manage to say through your cries. He pulls you into his lap and wraps his wings around you. "I don't care about that right now." He says gently. He sits there holding you as you fall apart. He rubs soothing circles along your spine to try to comfort you. He pulls your head to his chest as you grip his shirt. He feels your breathing even out as you settle down after a while. "Do you want to talk about it?" Rhys asks gently.

"I don't know how." You answer honestly, not sure where you'd even begin. "It's ok, darling." He says. "Can I show you?" You ask quietly. "Only if that is what you want. Don't feel like you have to because of Cassian or any of us." He says as he continues to hold you. "I do. It would be easier to show you than to try to explain it." You say. "If you're sure, darling." He says. "I'm sure, love." You answer. You feel his gentle caress against your shield before you lower it and grant him access.

His expression remains soft as you reveal everything you've been keeping to yourself recently. It all leads up to the moment Cassian pulls you from the lake. He sees the way you've been struggling, too afraid of being a burden to them. You feel him retreat from your mind and slide your shields back into place. He sees the shame and guilt lingering in your eyes. He ta,kes in how vulnerable you look as if you've visibly shrunk.

He notices your lip trembling, as he's about to try to comfort you he's interrupted by a knock. "Can I come in? I brought you water." Azriel says as his head peeks around the door. You just nod, not trusting yourself to keep it together if you speak. Azriel kneels in front of you, offering you the glass. You accept it and take a sip before passing it back to him. "Thank you." You say barely loud enough for him to hear. "You're welcome, princess." He says as he tucks some stray hair behind your ear.

"Ready for bed? You've had a rough day." Azriel asks. "What about Cassian?" You ask concerned. "Worry about him later. Let us take care of you." Azriel says. You let out a small yawn at the thought of sleep. "Come on, princess. Let's get you tucked in." Azriel says before helping you to your feet. Rhys following quickly behind as Azriel leads you to bed. Azriel helps you into bed as he pulls the blankets around you. He and Rhys stay by your side until you drift asleep.

Once they're sure you're asleep, they go back to the living room where Cassian is sitting on the couch. Rhys pulls out a bottle of amber liqour and 3 glasses. Azriel sits beside Cassian as Rhys pours the drinks, passing them out once he'es done. He takes a seat opposite Cassian and Azriel as he's e runs his fingers through his hair. "She asleep?" Cassian asks. "Yes, for the time being." Rhys answers before taking a long drink. "She showed me. She showed me everything related to todays incident." Rhys says quietly, waiting for the others to say something.

"How bad is it?" Azriel asks the same time as Cassian asks, "Why did she do it?" Rhys shakes his head, "It will be easier if I show you what she allowed me to see." They sit their drinks down before Rhys replays what you showed him for them. He watches his brother's reaction at their mates' hidden distress. Once he's done, the room is silent for several moments. "What can we do to help her?" Cassian asks. "You can start by talking to her." Rhys answers. "Then all we can do is offer support and help her in any way she asks." Azriel follows up.

You toss and turn in bed as you relive Cassian, pulling you from the lake in vivid detail. Eventually, you wake up violently coughing as the sensation of coughing up water comes back. Your door opens, and Cassian rushes to your side, followed quickly by Rhys and Azriel. "It's okay, baby. I've got you. You're safe." Cassian whispers as he pats your back. "Focus on my voice. Breathe with me, baby. Nice deep breaths. That's it, good girl." He praises as he pulls you from your panic attack.

As your eyes become clearer and more focused, he visibly relaxes. "There's my girl." Cassian coos as you come back to him. "Can we have a few moments alone, please." Cassian asks. Azriel and Rhys both look at you to make sure you're ok with that. You give them a slight nod before Rhys tells you they'll just be down the hall. Once the door closes behind them, your nerves take over, wondering why Cassian wants to talk to you alone. You start fidgeting with your hands before Cass gently places his hand over yours.

"I just wanted to apologize for earlier and the way I went about everything." He says. "Cass, it's okay. I realize how scared you were." You say, avoiding looking in his eyes. He lifts your chin so you're looking at him, "I still should've addressed it better with you, and in the future, I will try my best to do so." Cass says gently. "I love you, baby, and I never want to lose you like I almost did today." He continues. "I know. I'm sorry for putting you through that." You respond.

Tears line your eyes before you can try to blink them away, and they start to roll down your cheeks. "Oh, baby. Please don't cry." Cassian says. Within seconds, you're surrounded by all of them. "Darling, what's wrong?" Rhys asks, worried. "I just feel so broken, and you all deserve someone who doesn't put you through things like this." You say between cries as shame takes over your features. Azriel gently grips your chin and pulls your gaze towards him.

"Princess, you're not broken. You just need a little extra love somedays and luckily, you have the three of us to give you all the love and reassurance you need." He says as you feel their love overwhelming the bonds between you. "We're always going to be here for you every step of the way." Rhys says. "No matter how broken you think you are, we'll show you you're not." Cassian says confidently, "starting now." He pulls you into the oversized bed before Azriel and Rhys follow. They all settle in around you.

Azriel and Rhys on either side of you while Cassian lays between your legs, he head resting on your stomach. They've all got arms and wings drapped around you, surrounding you in a comforting cocoon. Azriel gently plays with your hair as Rhys presses soft kisses along your shoulder. Cassian gently caresses your side. All three are offering you soothing comfort and making you tired. Rhys smirks, seeing you trying to fight off the sleep. "Go to sleep, darling. You're exhausted and need sleep. You let out a yawn and settle into your mates. Gradually, you drift asleep, surrounded by their warmth and love.

[izzyreadingblog]

Undercut | Patri Guijarro x Reader

+18 minors please do not read it.

A/N: English is not my first language and is my first time writing this type of content, sorry if is bad and for the mistakes.

“Hello my love!” you greeted Patri as soon as you opened the door to your shared apartment, knowing that this weekend neither of you had any obligations and you were alone at home.

Patri appeared seconds later down the hallway wearing her signature smile to meet you. She was wearing an old Barcelona t-shirt, as well as some old training pants that were slightly stained with paint on different parts cause you both have been trying to paint some walls in your home and Patri was doing that right now.

“Hello, my love? Is that all you have to say? Are you sure of it?” Patri says and her words make you stop in your tracks not sure of what to say or do.

“Hey baby, what's wrong with you? Are you angry? Did something happen? Did I do something wrong?” You asked, surprised, because that same morning you had left her having breakfast happy with life after saying good morning properly, with orgasms.

“Yes, I'm angry,” Patri responds

“With me?” You still couldn’t believe her words, not understanding anything at all. 

“Of course, who is it going to be with if not?” 

“Have I done something wrong?”

"Something very very bad pretty girl," Patri said and you laughed as worry was lifted from your shoulders, it couldn't be anything that important or bad if Patri put it that way.

“Oh I get it now, So we're in a funny mood, huh?” You joke.

As you say that you try to get closer to Patri to give her a kiss but she attacks you with the brush she is carrying, leaving a small trail of black paint on your cheek.

“Please take me seriously, my love. I don't think the fact that you don't value my life is a funny thing. I’m really mad at you right now” Patri says in a serious tone. 

“What are you saying, baby? I don’t get it” You questioned surprised. “What fly has bitten you?” 

“You don't realize what you've done, do you? it hasn’t even crossed your mind” 

You shook your head as Patri twirled the brush in the air in circular motions.

"Turn around right now," Patri demanded.

You did what Patri asked you without hesitation but did not understand anything that was going on.

“As I said before, you definitely don't take my health into account at all while you do things,” Patri says, her serious tone still up. 

“Patri…” you started to talk as you were starting to worry a lot about Patri’s words.

“Patri, nothing. You are foolish and reckless if you think you can shave the back of your head without warning and expect both me and my panties to survive," she said in a serious tone and you just couldn’t not burst into laughter as you turned to face Patri again.

"Oh thank god I was so worried, so that's it ummh? You like my new haircut?" You said mischievously and approached until you cornered Patri against the living room table.

“Well, of course, that's it” Patri responded after biting her lower lip because of the sudden closeness you are in. “You have played with my life. My heart almost stopped when I saw the story on Instagram. You should had warned me first” 

“Oh really? And has your little heart recovered?” You asked while you put your hand through the collar of Patri’s shirt to check her racing heartbeat and, in the process, massage her left breast. “Oh, I don't think so.”

"Now I'm far worse than before," Patri confessed and launched herself into your mouth, licking your lower lip and then invading your mouth with her tongue.

You responded back to Patri’s passionate kiss and wrapped your hands around her waist, pulling Patri as close as you could to you. 

“You want to play? Are you sure your heart can handle it?” You offered against her mouth and then bit her neck as Patri eagerly nodded to let you know she was okay with what was going to happen. “Well then first put down that devil's brush please.”

Patri left her brush on the table and grabbed the back of your neck with both hands, running her fingers frantically over the shaved area on the base of your neck. After giving you a look full of desire Patri kissed you again and conquered your lips again.

"My goodness, baby," Patri gasped between kisses. “It turns me on a lot. I don't think I've ever been so horny for a haircut in my life.”

“That is a really strong statement, Patricia Guijarro. I would love to know if it’s really true, let me check it out please" You said as you directed your hand to her pants, feeling Patri’s sex above the fabric of her panties, and you didn't have to touch much to confirm that it was true. “Well I can confirm flooding in the basement, so I’m going to proceed to check it out and to assess the damage.”

“You are so stupid sometimes” 

“ Me? stupid?” You questioned a smile on your face.

“Yes, you. Please let's go to bed and keep this up” 

At Patri’s order, you slowly raised your hand to the edge of her pants, grabbing the waistband to pull her into your room and continue what you already started. Once there, the assault began again. Patri licked your chin then attacked your neck and finally pulled the edge of your shirt with her mouth, thus indicating how much the garment bothered her.

"Take your shirt off," Patri demanded.

“Baby my hands are a little busy at the moment” You responded, pulling on her panties and then releasing them and gently grabbing the area, getting a moan from Patri as a result of the fabric rubbing against her sex.

Patri clicked her tongue when she had to remove her hands from your neck, but with skillful movements, she got rid of her shirt and did the same with yours in a matter of seconds.

You took advantage of the moments of separation to remove the rest of your clothes, leaving yourself in your thong and lying Patri on the bed to then take her pants away and throw them somewhere on the floor of the room.

Immediately one of your hands regained its previous position, placing itself again on top of Patri’s panties. You made your way from the tiny moles on her neck to her breasts with your mouth, leaving a trail of kisses and taking pleasure in the moment to provoke Patri's loud moans.

After giving Patri’s breast a well-deserved attention, you made the rest of the journey towards the south, leaving a wet trail along Patris's body, until you came across the only piece of clothing that separated the both of you. You licked her sex over the fabric, placing special emphasis on her clitoris, trying to keep pushing Patri’s buttons and keep getting out of her those moans you love to hear. 

“Please, baby no more teasing,” Patri asked, while grabbing your hair to try and push you into giving her what she wanted the most. 

“These are the wettest panties in history” You whispered while playing with the elastic of them to keep pushing Patri’s buttons and not giving her a release yet. 

“See how I wasn't exaggerating... I'm going to explode. Please baby I need you so bad” Patri says with desperation in her voice.

“I do not have doubts about it, baby girl” 

After one last bite over the top of the garment, you removed it to sink straight into Patri’s folds. You collected Patri’s moisture with your tongue, taking charge of teasing her more and more until she reached a climax in your mouth in record time, you only need a couple long licks and a hand on her clit for that to happen. You continued your attention until her body completely relaxed. You then made your way back to her mouth, wrapping her in a passionate kiss.

"You're so sexy when you cum," you whispered against her neck.

Patri caught your lower lip and pulled it, then gave me a scorching look.

“Take off your thong and lie face down,” Patri commanded you. 

You bit your lip at her dominant attitude and did as she asked, staying propped up on your elbows. You could feel the weight shift on the mattress as Patri moved on it, but you didn't feel her touch. You turned your head to meet her gaze, which shamelessly traveled through all the nooks and crannies of your body and in that moment you felt watched and tremendously desired.

“You like what you see?” You asked.

“You don't know how much I love it, baby.”

With an agile movement, Patri positioned herself on top of you. Her hands went straight to surround your back, ending on your breasts. Her mouth frantically attacked your neck while she rubbed her hips in a back-and-forth that soaked the lower part of my back with her wetness. Patri began to explore your torso and ribs with her hands and then rested them on your abdomen. At the same time, Patri filled your shoulders and back with bites, also leaving wet kisses that made your skin crawl as they mixed with Patri’s agitated breathing. Patri’s hands reached the height of your hips, then she rested on your buttocks, and at the same time, her mouth moved up again to attack your earlobe.

“Your neck is asking me to bite it while I fuck you like this, from behind. What do you think about that? Would you like it?” Patri asks you in a lower voice.

You moaned in anticipation and without warning Patri inserted two of her fingers inside you with ease. Patri left her hand practically still inside you so you understood that you were the one setting the pace of the thrusts Patri was making. The both of us moved in rhythm, while Patri enjoyed marking your neck with her teeth, running along your neck, and sometimes claiming your mouth too to try and keep your moans at bay.

After a couple of minutes with a steady pace, Patri introduced one more finger and with her thumb she stimulated your clitoris, giving you a wonderful orgasm in a few minutes. You let yourself fall completely limp onto the mattress, with Patri on top of you. Patri began to spread kisses along your spine until she reached the height of your face then descended from above you to settle next to you into the mattress. The both of us wore each other out with kisses while our bodies returned to calm.

[oneforthemunny]

Older!eddie, reacting to hearing both his girls swear for the first time for the blurb request 🤭

i'm assuming you're talking about brielle and delilah, so that's what i did haha! a little parallel type blurb since i know the older!eddie crowd loves it lmao. tw: gina

Seventeen Years Before

"Brie, where ya at, Munchkin?" Eddie's sing-songy tone floated through the small home, over the hum of his boombox in the window.

"In here!" Brielle's little chirp of a tone came from the other room, where she was 'cleaning up', which really meant moving her toys from in front of the TV to the hall.

Gina was gone for the day, and Eddie felt sick at the fact that he was so relieved. They'd been going through a rough patch, endless fighting and bitter remarks behind the toddler's back. So when Eddie had the rare Sunday off, he encouraged Gina to go out with her friends, promising he'd take care of everything.

"Can you come in here, please?" Eddie craned his neck to try and look into the living room, hands still elbow deep in dish water. "I need some help in here. You wanna dry for me?" Really, he wanted to make sure she hadn't somehow found the magic markers, scribbling on the walls again.

"Yes!" Brielle shrieked in laughter, tiny footsteps bounding on the carpeted floor towards the kitchen.

Eddie's head whipped around at the crashing sound, a solid thud that shook the doorframe. Brielle looked up at Eddie from the doorway, hands on the ground, braced from her fall.

"Oh, shit." Eddie muttered, shaking his sudsy hands off, wiping them on his shirt. "Uh-oh. Did you fall?" He tried to keep his voice level. He had learned if he freaked, then she would too.

Brielle looked up, face contorting with a grimace that looked freakishly similar to Gina's. Eddie cringed, crouching in front of her. "Let me see." He picked her up gently, turning her hands over. "No scratches. You're good. All good." His tone lifted, standing with a groan, the toddler on his hip.

"Sit up here and help me dry. Can you do that for me?" Eddie asked, grabbing the rag from the drawer, handing it to Brielle. "Hold it with two hands, alright?"

Brielle's little legs swung on the counter, carefully wiping down each dish Eddie would hand her, his hand hovering over the bottom in case she dropped it.

Eddie turned for a moment, going to finish the stack of sippy cups he hadn't washed out yet. "Are you excited to go to Grandpa's in a few days?" He hummed, looking over at Brielle.

Her face lit up, squealing with excitement, legs kicking faster. "Yes!" She squeaked, arms flinging the towel, knocking over a cup. It toppled before tipping over the side, Eddie's soapy hand splashing out of the water, barely catching it before it crashed.

Brielle's wide eyes met his, matching rounded expressions. "Oh, shit?" Brielle repeated, her tone so adorably soft that Eddie almost thought he heard her wrong.

"What?" Eddie gaped.

"Oh, shit?" Brielle repeated, a slight lisp, the word unfamiliar to her. "It falled?"

"No, no, no," Eddie shook his head, setting the mug down. "Jesus, no, Brielle, look at me." He tried to even out his tone. It would've been funny- really fuckin' funny, actually- if he didn't think Gina might kill him over this. Throw it back in his face and prove her point that he was already not a good father, like she already loved to do.

"You can't say that word." Eddie shook his head. "That's a bad word. A really bad word."

Brielle frowned in confusion. "You says it." She tilted her head to the side.

"I know, and I shouldn't say it." Eddie shook his head. He didn't even realize he'd said it, that she'd heard it. "Look, that's not a good word, ok? And if you say it..." He hesitated.

"If you say that word, Santa doesn't come to visit you." Eddie said seriously. Brielle's face dropped, eyes widening in horror. She was finally old enough to realize the magic of Santa, that he'd bring her toys, all kinds of toys - too many toys, thanks to Santa Wayne who insisted on spoiling her.

"That's why Daddy doesn't get gifts from Santa, because I say bad words." Eddie wasn't entirely sure he should say that, sure parenting books would go against that, but still, he was desperate for her not to say it in front of Gina.

Brielle's face fell, crumbling with fear. "I-I didn't means too!" She wailed, more dramatics than real tears.

"I know, hey, it's ok. You didn't know. That was Daddy's fault." Eddie cringed; definitely not the best thing to do. "It's ok. Now you know, so just don't say it anymore ok?" By some miracle, Brielle managed to forget the word, or at least not say it in front of Gina, which Eddie was beyond thankful for. At least that was one thing she didn't have on him, couldn't throw back in his face and guilt him with.

Seventeen Years Later

"Ed!" You called, flinging through the racks of clothes in the closet. "Eddie! Did you make sure to pack her floaties?"

"Yes, honey." Eddie called back, dragging the next suitcase down the hall towards the front door. "I put two pairs in the beach bag."

"And sunscreen?" You leaned back, eyeing him from your place in the closet.

"Also in the beach bag." Eddie nodded.

"Uh, your sunscreen." You glared at him lightly. "You better make sure that SPF 70 is in there, Munson."

Eddie rolled his eyes. "It is." He grumbled, leaning on the doorframe of the closet, arms crossed over his chest. "Even if it's not, I'll be alright. Never used it before-"

"-And that's why you had to have that place cut off." You glared at him with finality. "Your derm told you to use that, so you better use it, Edward. I'll hold you down and spray it on you if I have to."

Eddie grinned, lines by his eyes crinkling gently. "Don't tempt me with a good time, bunny." He growled lowly, playfully pinching your ass.

You jumped, rolling your eyes at him lightly. "Lilah!" You yelled down the hall. "Do you have your tablet charged? It's a loooong ride, baby. Make sure you've got your charger."

"Okay!" The five year old called back. "I have it in my backpack!"

"Good. Can you bring your backpack here so Daddy can take it out to the car?" You nodded, looking over at Eddie. "Check her bag and make sure."

"I got it." Eddie nodded. "Relax, sweetheart. If we forget something, we'll just stop and get it when we get there."

"I know, I just hate that feeling. I feel like I'm forgetting something, and it's driving me fuc- crazy." You cut yourself off with a small smile, Delilah's bright backpack entering the room before she did. "Thank you, Lilah. Do you want to go potty before we leave one last time?"

Eddie unzipped the backpack, looking in it. "Hm, I don't see your ear phones. Did you pack them?"

"Oh, shit. I forgot." Delilah said flippantly, jumping off the bed. "I'll go get them!"

You and Eddie paused, stunned at the ease and the accuracy that she said. "Did she- you heard that too?" You whispered, eyes wide in shock.

Eddie's lips twitched, swallowing back a smirk. "Yeah." He snickered.

"Eddie!" You gasped. "Don't encourage that." Your own lips were curling, trying to keep your stern composure.

"I'm sorry! But you gotta admit, that's a little funny." Eddie laughed, rubbing a hand over his face.

"She used it correctly too." You rubbed your temples, swallowing back your own smile. "That's somehow worse."

Eddie giggled into his hands, ducking into the closet to compose himself. "Holy shit, never been prouder in my life." He laughed teasingly.

You smacked his shoulder lightly, lips pressed in a tight line. "You're so immature." You shook your head. "Wonder where she got it from." You glared at him lightly, sending him into another fit of giggles.

[fellthemarvelous]

Aziraphale hate makes my brain hurt.

Like let's be really fuckin' for real here.

Neurodivergent fans have repeatedly said that Aziraphale is autistic coded. I agree with them. I have never been diagnosed but I wonder about myself. If only I could get a doctor to take me seriously enough to test me for it, but alas, I'm a 43-year-old woman living in the good ole US of A.

Those with religious trauma have repeatedly said that they identify with him as well. I'm one of those people. I endured 12 years of Catholic schools and just as much time being taught a very black and white view of things that I've had to spend more than 20 goddamn fucking years working to unlearn.

I find that my views as a survivor of religious abuse are often dismissed because people keep wanting to say "Aziraphale doesn't have religious trauma." Yes, thank you, I get that, but unless you've been indoctrinated and brainwashed into a very black and white view of the world, you probably don't understand the kind of feelings Aziraphale's onscreen experiences evoke in so many of us. Heaven might not be real, but the feelings of "God is always watching" still stick with me today even though I no longer believe in God. I have entirely denounced Christianity because of my own personal experience, and I refuse to allow people to try and guilt me or shame me for trauma that I didn't ask for. I wasn't given a choice.

As a child I was told that God was real and always watching everything you do (just like Santa Claus) and can hear everything you say and knows everything you are thinking. Do you know what I learned to do in order to cope with this overwhelming and anxiety-inducing information as a small child? I learned to censor my thoughts. I never spoke up, and I have always felt like I was putting on a show for people because I had to be who I was told to be or I would get into trouble.

Aziraphale said "poverty is a virtue" during The Resurrectionists, and as someone who grew up in the Bible belt and went to private schools, I was taught this very same shit by the Catholic church. He learned in that very same episode that "poverty is a virtue" is actually a tool of oppression to keep the poor poor and the wealthy wealthy. I know we all watched the episode. He went into that episode believing what he said, but by the end of it he knew it was actually utter bullshit. Aziraphale is not ignorant. He's highly intelligent, and he has never been too proud to admit when he has been wrong. He accepts that the information he learned before is not matching up with reality.

And it's so obvious some of you have zero experience with that type of indoctrination because of how very little empathy you show Aziraphale for his "mistake" of "choosing Heaven over Crowley" and "making Crowley sad" so clearly Aziraphale must somehow be "abusive" and "manipulative" and "selfish" and "self-centered" because he didn't choose to run away with Crowley at the end of season two.

First of all.

FIRST OF ALL...

Aziraphale has a mind of his own.

Aziraphale is always going to try and do what is right.

Aziraphale is an angel. He's a being of love. And the reason he's so "bad" at being an angel is because he actually wants to protect humanity. He has always loved humanity. He repeatedly has to contend with what is "right" versus what is "good" and "wrong" versus "evil". Yeah, he has flaws. He's an angel, not a goddamn fucking saint. He has lived on Earth for more than 6,000 years. He has seen everything. He loves doing human things.

He's obsessed with magic. It makes him so happy. He's not very good at it...well not when he's trying to put on a show for Crowley.

He chose to learn French the hard way, so even though he knows every single language in the world, he chooses to be mediocre at French. Something that annoys and amuses Crowley at the same time.

He loves to dance even though angels aren't supposed to dance, and dancing with Crowley was what he wanted the most.

He owns a bookshop and refuses to sell any of his books because they are books he's had for as long as there have been books. He will chase customers away from his collection, and Crowley understands how much they mean to Aziraphale because he refuses to sell any when Aziraphale leaves him in charge.

He and Crowley have been speaking to each other in coded language for more than 6,000 years. They have to be very careful about what they say because Heaven and Hell are always watching.

Heaven has photographs of Crowley and Aziraphale sitting or standing together throughout history. Hell had one photo of Crowley and Aziraphale actually working together and it was Aziraphale's quick thinking and how good he actually is at sleight of hand tricks that managed to get that photo out of Furfur's hands so he wouldn't be able to turn Crowley over to the Dark Council.

Aziraphale saved Crowley from being taken to Hell again. He wasn't able to save Crowley from Hell in Edinburgh, but he sure as heck managed to save Crowley from Hell during WWII. He took Crowley to his bookshop and showed Crowley that he stole the picture from Furfur. He saved Crowley.

You get that, right?

Aziraphale SAVED Crowley.

People always talk about how it's "always Crowley saving Aziraphale" because apparently heroic acts are only heroic when they are grand gestures. The sleight of hand wasn't heroic at all, am I right? It wasn't sparkly and showy. It wasn't interesting enough, therefore not heroic. At least that's all I'm hearing when people start with their "blah Aziraphale deserves to suffer because I have no imagination or ability to understand the media in front of me blah", and all these reasons he deserves to suffer is because Crowley almost got hurt.

Aziraphale did that without flinching and I watch that part closely every single time. He's not scared for himself. He's scared for Crowley, and he managed to hold onto that photograph. He did not fail Crowley. He protected Crowley.

And so here's another thing that we like to point out. The way that Aziraphale, an angel who is effeminate and male presenting, an angel who is soft and full of love, an angel who is kind and forgiving because he has empathy and compassion, is somehow painted as abusive and manipulative. He's not violent, but he could easily fuck up your world. He doesn't use his powers. We have no idea how powerful he is because we only ever see him do small acts. He's used to hiding. It's the only way he has ever been able to protect Crowley.

And I'm not saying that Aziraphale has actually saved Crowley before means that Crowley hasn't also saved Aziraphale. Like, you get that those are not mutually exclusive and their relationship is not transactional, right? They have spent their entire existence protecting each other but never actually getting to be together because Heaven and Hell are always watching.

Yeah, Crowley fell. We all know this. We are aware of this. He was the serpent of Eden. He gave humanity the knowledge of free will.

But what we don't talk about is what Aziraphale gave humanity.

What did he give them?

We all know what it is!

Let's say it together!

He gave Adam and Eve his flaming sword because it was dangerous outside the garden and Eve was pregnant and she was already having a really bad day. He showed them compassion and gave them his extremely powerful angelic weapon so they would stand a chance on the outside of the garden. He gave humanity the gift of compassion. It's just unfortunate that his flaming sword became a weapon of War.

And then what did he do after that?

Ooooh, yeah, that's right.

God asked him about it and he straight up lied to her and pretended he had no idea where he'd managed to misplace it. She didn't say anything after that. He told Crowley the truth though. He told Crowley the truth even though Crowley fell.

Yeah, we know Aziraphale has done some really fucking questionable things. He and Crowley both suck at passing for human in front of observant people like Nina. They're not human. They are still learning, but they managed to experience human history together despite being on opposite sides and their experiences with humanity are what has shaped them into the compassionate and loving duo they are now. One of them is not better from the other.

This, my friends, is what we call meeting in the middle. It's why shades of gray is so important. Aziraphale constantly breaks the rules. Crowley refused to play by Heaven's rules. It's the reason he fell. He doesn't play by Hell's rules either. These two dorks figured out how to cancel each others' miracles out throughout human history in order to have more time learning about humanity and each other because working all day every day sucks when there are so many new things to learn and experience with the people you love.

We know Crowley and Aziraphale both love each other. Neither of them are good at hiding the hearts stars in their eyes.

But here's what's really fucking annoying about the Aziraphale hate.

Aziraphale was already crying when Crowley grabbed him and kissed him. Aziraphale is trying so very hard to do the right thing. He loves Crowley. He does. But he also has a duty to humanity, and he has taken that job very seriously since the creation of Adam and Eve. He sent them out into the world with a flaming sword so they would have a chance at surviving beyond the walls of the garden.

And he knows that Something Terrible is going to happen and he spent all of second season trying to figure out what that Something Terrible was while trying to have some sort of more honest and open relationship with Crowley, but again, they aren't human, they are a demon and an angel approaching life from opposite sides who met in the middle and fell in love with humanity together.

He wants more than anything to tell Crowley how he feels about him, but he wants to do something grand for Crowley because Crowley has always been grand and dramatic and sexy and a little bit scary.

Crowley is impulsive and has a temper and sometimes says the wrong thing but he has always trusted Aziraphale because Aziraphale gave him a chance even after he fell. Aziraphale chose to shelter him instead of smiting him while they stood on top of that wall. He knew he was supposed to kill Crowley, but oops, he gave his sword away to the humans so he didn't really have anything to kill him with and Crowley is the one who created nebulas. The Pillars of Creation is Crowley's work and Aziraphale was there to witness that, but he watched Crowley more than he watched the nebula. He witnessed the pure joy on Crowley's face when he said "let there be light" as a nebula full of colors exploded before their eyes. He was fascinated by Crowley.

But Aziraphale is going back to Heaven even though he has made it perfectly clear he absolutely has no desire to go back to Heaven. He told the Metatron this during their conversation. He spoke these words out loud. They exist.

But then The Metatron said this....

The Metatron. The very same angel who told Aziraphale in season one "to speak to me is to speak to the Almighty." He's the boss. He's the big guy. He's used to existing as a giant head and he had to give himself a body so he wouldn't stand out on Earth. And he knows that Aziraphale and Crowley have been working together since the beginning. He knows they worked together to prevent Armageddon in season one, and now he's made it clear he knows they were working together long before that. And let's face it, Aziraphale really wants to know what this Something Terrible is that Gabriel is running from so he can try to prevent it from happening.

It makes sense that he would want to take Crowley to Heaven with him because he would be able to keep Hell from getting their hands on him again. Aziraphale hates it in Heaven. He doesn't want to go, but Something Terrible is happening and Metatron isn't taking no for an answer, and maybe Heaven won't be so bad if Crowley is there with him. At least they can fix Heaven together.

But Crowley can't go back. We all get that. We don't blame him for saying no. It doesn't change anything.

Something Terrible is about to happen and Aziraphale has to figure out what it is. He wants to change Heaven.

He is fully aware that Heaven sucks. He still has faith in God. His faith isn't in Heaven. He deserted his platoon in season one and threw himself back to Earth so he could figure out how to make sure the war between Heaven and Hell doesn't happen.

But see, here's the thing. Heaven is at the top. Heaven has all the resources. Heaven is responsible for the creation of Hell. Heaven is empty and Hell is overpopulated. Aziraphale knows this. Crowley knows this. It's obvious every time we see either place. Both sides are desperate to go to war and will not hesitate to destroy humanity in the process. This is the opposite of what Crowley and Aziraphale want for humanity. If anyone can change Heaven, it's Aziraphale. He's the only one up there who gives a shit about humanity as far as we know. No one else is going to speak on humanity's behalf.

Some of us are so busy getting mad at Aziraphale for going back to Heaven and giving Crowley a Big Sad. Newsflash: Crowley is not the main character of Good Omens. Aziraphale and Crowley are equals, yet we wanna hold Aziraphale to higher standards because he's an angel, and when he makes mistakes it's proof that he's the bad guy.

Holy mother of all things that trigger my religious trauma, let me tell you. I spent my entire life hating myself every time I made mistakes. I've had to teach myself that just because I mess up sometimes doesn't mean I'm bad. It means I'm human. I still struggle with it. I probably always will. So when you say that Aziraphale deserves to be punished for breaking Crowley's heart, you not only ignore that Aziraphale's heart is also broken, you're saying he deserves to be punished for doing what he thinks is right.

Wanting to change Heaven for the better is not a bad thing.

And some of y'all wanna see him suffer for going back into the lion's den that is Heaven, knowing that he is already an outcast, that they have already tried to kill him once, knowing that he is a deserter, that he has been lying to Heaven about a lot of things, and you still think he's blinded by Heaven? You think he's just so naive and that's the only reason he's going back. He doesn't show his emotions the same way Crowley does so it means he doesn't care as much. He's expected to consider Crowley's feelings over his own when making choices. Like holy shit if all of that hasn't defined my experience as a woman with religious trauma in this fucking society. He's expected to be subservient to Crowley and if he doesn't do what Crowley wants then he's being unreasonable and illogical.

What the actual fuck, y'all.

Like seriously.

I'm sick of this bullshit. I had to step away from this fandom because of how toxic some people in this fandom are. It's not chasing me away, but the fact that I chose to hang out in a a more toxic fandom that is already notorious for being really toxic over a fandom that claims to be more open-minded and welcoming should probably tell you something.

It gave me a lot of perspective, and yeah, I'm still gonna speak up against the bullshit Aziraphale hate.

People are entitled to their opinions, but the Aziraphale hate isn't an opinion. It's just ableist, misogynistic garbage. At this point we all know y'all say these extreme things about Aziraphale because y'all get more joy out of the harm and alienation it is causing others.

Keep being loudly wrong, but if you think I'm not entitled to challenge shitty-ass, harmful, hateful discourse, bite my ass.

I'm not the one who lost the plot in this fandom.

[borgijin668]

Hello, here comes another part (seventh?) of my silly comic.

Did Donnie somehow survived the explosion? Will our ninja turtles manage to escape the terrible Kraang monsters? Will Leo lose his arm? Well, you definitely won't find out from this chapter, hehe! As you probably noticed, this part is the longest of all so far and it took me some time to draw it. However, I hope that you will forgive me for such a long break in publishing and that you will like this part, although there is not much action here. This time I wanted to focus more on the seriousness of the situation (Donnie's literal sacrifice) and brothers' reactions. Honestly, I'm not entirely satisfied with how this turned out, but I think it's better to release something less than perfect, than not to release it at all.

If you have any questions about the story, or something is unclear, feel free to ask.

I would also like to thank everyone who liked my comic and rebloged it, I never thought that so many of you would like what I draw! I'm really, really happy about this and maybe I'll find some way to thank you all for it. For now, best regards and take care! Until next time!

Previous

Next

First part

[educatedsimps]

— how they comfort you when u cry (hcs)

≪ back to fics masterlist

the quiet type - he doesn't really say much (some of them are just awkward okay i'm sorry) but they're there for you 1000%. need tissues? he's got it. water? a glass in your hands in two seconds flat. cuddles? you're in his arms before you finish asking him. your wish is his command.

↳ kageyama, tsukki, kenma, suna, kita cuz he KNOWS how to take care of you, ushijima

the protective and loving type - holds your hands and sits on the floor or couch or bed with you or wherever you're crying and just HOLDS YOU while you cry and you can't help but just feel so safe with him. he tells u everything's okay and even if it's not right now, it will be and you can bet he'll personally make sure that everything does become okay. also kisses you on the forehead and gives the BEST fking hugs in the world like his hugs are seriously top tier YOU CANNOT CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE

↳ daichi, suga, ennoshita, akaashi, iwaizumi (have you seen his ARMS), osamu, semi

the emotional soundboard - probably ends up crying with you ngl. but honestly can anyone blame him? his entire universe is sad or upset about something and you expect him to not be emotional as well? of course, that doesn't mean he doesn't comfort you, he just can't help but feel his heart hurt seeing you cry. like even if you cried because of a fight with him, if he sees you crying the fight is automatically over like he will not continue fighting or arguing with you if you’re crying

↳ asahi, hinata, yamaguchi (yk how yachi was nervous and he was nervous and it was like their nervousness kept bouncing off each other before the shiratorizawa match), bokuto because it's bokuto he's adorably sweet though

idk how to title this group - thinks you're beautiful even when you cry, and he's glad you're able to be so vulnerable around him. "i have snot everywhere and i look like shit" NO YOU DON'T like he would NEVER think that. he really does find you beautiful no matter what like you’re just perfect to him. he'll hug you for as long as you want him to, and he'll cheer you up with kisses and your favourite snacks or movie or flowers or even a small date.

↳ noya, tanaka, kuroo (he tries to cheer u up with chem jokes), oikawa, atsumu, tendo

© educatedsimps 2024. do not repost, copy, translate or plagiarize any work from this blog on tumblr or any other platforms. if you do, the simps will hunt you down. likes and reblogs are appreciated!

[boba-at-323]

Stay-home dates with RIIZE !!

Note : OMG !! I had so much fun writing thisssss <333 || DID NOT PROOFREAD PLEASE || Also Idk what to tw but I have mentioned snacks a whole lot of time + I TRIED MY BEST TO MAKE IT GENDER NEUTRAL BUT LIKE SINCE IM FEMALE SO EXCUSE ME ;-; please enjoyyyy !!

Osaki Shotaro <3 !

Hmm, not a big fan, but as long as you're happy he is too !!

Omg !!

You ask him to film TikToks with you and he's MORE THAN HAPPY !!

So like you've saved a lot of trends and dances you wanna recreate with him.

He's so excited and gets all giggly over it!

Takes it a little too seriously…

Like you're looking at him with your jaw dropped and eyes wide because how did it take him one look to literally MASTER the dance.

Laughs embarrassed when you praise him !!

But you tell him that he's too fast for you ';-; so he apologises and suggests teaching you the dance step by step!

The two of you continuously burst into fits of giggles when something goes wrong.

ITS JUST SO FUNNY BUT IN A CUTE WAY FOR SOME REASON

You'd film like 29837209 TikToks and just have fun goofing around.

You might also end up exhausted on the floor reviewing the videos you filmed.

Thinks you look very cute and asks you to do this often with him!

Might get bored if you don't have a lot to do.

HOWEVER !!!

Would love to talk to you about anything really.

I feel like he's someone who enjoys conversing, so you might actually start having deep conversations that will last for hours.

Hmm rating 8/10 PLS HES SO ADORABLE <3

Rest of the members under the cut !

Song Eunseok <3 !

This man is literally so chill with everything.

Like you'd suggest going for a picnic on a volcano and he'd be like "lol ok."

Okay, maybe not that much but yk what I mean !!

So yeah you're probably sitting with him binge-watching some anime or series.

He's quiet the whole time and is actually very immersed in the story.

However, he will be passing comments every now and then.

And I tell you, these comments are so out of pocket???

Like you can't help but burst out laughing.

And he's just gonna look at you like "😐".

AS IF HE HADN'T SAID THE MOST FUNNIEST THING YOU'VE HEARD ALL WEEK.

So yeah be prepared cuz the witty comments he's gonna slip will crack you so bad.

Like it actually makes you question how his brain works

ESPECIALLY HOW HE DOES LITERAL STAND-UP COMEDY WITH THAT SERIOUS EXPRESSION !!!

But it's okay, that just means he's having fun!

Also, it's very hard to concentrate on whatever you're watching cuz he looks so pretty next to you.

Like you keep on looking at him, smirks 100%

"Yeah I know I'm too hard to resist"

GETS COCKY BUT CAN YOU BLAME HIM !!!

Also makes sure you get your share of snacks!!

I'd rate it a solid 9/10 cuz it's really entertaining!

Jung Sungchan <3 !

HE IS NOT ENTERTAINED BY THE IDEA !!!

But after much convincing, he gives in.

"At least we get to spend time together, right?"

YOU'RE BAKING TOGETHER YIPPIEEEE!!!

But what happens is like,

You're standing there tying your hair back, you ask him for help with your apron.

Gets a little too touchy

You have to slap his arm away and give him a death glare.

Pretends he doesn't know what he did rn 😔

Is actually a very good helping hand.

Like helps you out, follows everything you tell him to do, however...

Has his doubts, and totally shakes his head if he thinks smth is going wrong.

"Y/n are you sure it's 2 cups sugar?" "I don't think we should be using butter…"

NOOO ENDS UP GETTING KICKED OUT OF THE KITCHEN BECAUSE

Like he said, he takes up a large radius.

So this clumsy baby probably toppled over a lot of things, making a very big mess ;-;

Apologises repeatedly with sad puppy eyes 🥹

You kiss his cheek and tell him it's fine

Though you ask him to sit it out and let you handle the rest of the process yourself.

YOU DO DECORATE WTV YOU MADE TOGETHER SO HES VERY EXCITED FOR THAT !!!

I'd rate it a 4/10, this man is NOT meant to be confined to a small space.

Park Wonbin <3 !

Would prefer them actually !!!

He'd absolutely LOVE to cuddle with you throughout the day.

Like he'd just be clinging onto you telling you literally everything that happened to him cuz for some reason he gives me yapper vibes

Though he'd appreciate listening to what you have to tell him, leaving a trail of kisses all over your neck.

Also he LOVES your voice so much omg !

So he can also pull out his guitar and have a serenade with you (english 💀).

Would ask you your favourite song, and if he doesn't know it WILL make sure he knows it the next time you guys have an at-home date

If he knows, he plays it for you encouraging you to sing.

you tell him you think your voice sucks.

A DRAMATIC GASP COMES FROM HIS DIRECTION !!!

"Nonsense idc i just wanna hear your pretty voice <3"

Literally heart eyes for you once you start singing,

Like might actually melt, give you the softest, most lovesick gaze EVER !

There is a possibility he ends up messing up the cords cuz you distracted him !!!

He's so cute pls </3

Omg also, the two of you might also end up in the kitchen cooking smth together, blasting a playlist he made for you!

But you don't know that <3

He actually so desperately wants to do cliche romantic things with you but is too shy to initiate </3

It's giving that "Idk how to flirt so I'm just gonna stare at you till you marry me" meme

HOWEVER !!

Be prepared for endless back hugs because he's just so SO soft for you <333

Anyways yeah 11/10 (+1 is probably cuz I'm so down bad for him)

Hong Seunghan <3 !

My manz I miss him all day everyday ;-;

He's so sweet I tell you, agrees to literally everything.

Putting mbti and stuff aside, I think he'd actually plan out a few activities you could do together.

Like if you're going over to his place, hes prepared snacks and stuff for you.

Hmm !! Video games are a must I believe !!

Like I read he plays FIFA online???

SO yeah, if you know how to play, the both of you would spend hours playing together

I don't see him getting very competitive but will whine if you keep on beating him!

However, will also compliment on how great you are at the game!!

HE FEELS PROUD I TELL YOU !!

However, if you don't know how to play and absolutely suck (like me ;-;)

HE'D BE SO EXCITED TO TEACH YOU !!

When you mess something up, or like if you can't understand something, the pout on your lips makes his heart EXPLODE.

Like he thinks you're the most adorable ever, he'd start squealing if his pride lets him.

Ends up attacking you with kisses and hugs.

The game is long forgotten, just a clingy Seunghan showering you with love because of how adorable he finds you.

I'D RATE IT AN 8/10 TBH BECAUSE HE'D FORGET WHAT PERSONAL SPACE IS !!!

Lee Sohee <3 !

SPENT SO MUCH TIME THINKING SOMETHING FOR HIM 😭

Unlike Seunghan, I can see him playing board games and such with you!

For example, the two of you could be sitting on the floor playing UNO.

But that got boring CUZ HOW DO TWO PEOPLE EVEN PLAY UNO !!!

So takes out a Jenga set because he thought it was very entertaining!

Both of you are screaming SO much when either chooses the wrong piece to remove.

HOWEVER, HE'S USING THE SPECIAL SKILLS EUNSEOK TAUGHT HIM!!!

Which is unfair to you and you WILL whine about it.

"All is fair in war and Jenga"

HIS WORDS NOT MINE !!!

Laughs at you because you're definitely the one who's going to topple the tower over.

So yeah you all spend a lot of time giggling and screaming over board games!

OMG ALSO !! Thanks to Anton, he bought some Lego sets too!!

You all start good but eventually get so frustrated because you can't find one tiny piece.

Ofc you give up and spend the rest of the evening with his karaoke machine !!

HE !! WANTS !! TO !! SING !!

And please you're just so mesmerised the whole time he's singing.

Like woah??? His voice is so good even when he's goofing around? INSANE!!

Though you aren't losing to him, so the both of you get SUPER competitive.

RATING THIS A 7/10 !!

Lee Anton <3 !

Like Wonbin, he'd also enjoy stay-at-home dates.

I can see him enjoying doing anything, to be honest.

Like for example, the two of you could just be lying next to each other sharing with each other reels you see.

Or just him listening to you telling him some tea from your workplace/college etc.

Sitting on the bed together with a variety of snacks sprawled around.

Like Sohee, I can even see him building Legos in silence with you cuz this guy is so patient !

Oh also!

He'd pull out his laptop and shyly ask if you'd like to listen to the music he's created.

After listening, your face is the shocked Pikachu meme.

"Woahhh my boyfriend is so cool :OOO"

Get's blushy over the compliments you shower him with.

Brushes it off saying it's nothing.

THATS A FREAKING LIE LEE CHANYOUNG!!

NEways, teaches you how to try making music.

Laughs if you cry about how difficult it is, he thinks it's adorable.

You ask him to delete the trash you've made, but he creates a separate folder to save everything you've made with him.

ITS ART TO HIM !!! HOW CAN HE THINK SMTH YOU'VE CREATED IS TRASH?!?!?!

Plus he treasures it so much like only if he could somehow just make you feel how much it means to him !!

SO YEAH !

Pretty cute, very cozy, overall nice experience 10/10 <3

Thank you for reading reblogs and reviews are appreciated ! <3

Title : Stay-home dates with Riize || Word count: 1652 || Genre: fluff ! || Pairing: Riize x implied Fem!Reader (tried making it gender neutral pt.29382938)

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hi, do you have any advice for indecisive writers? <3 Anything in general would help, I'd love something specifically for autistic people (whose brains shut down the "decising-making centre") too if possible <3

Tips for Indecisive Writers

My number one tip for indecisive writers is to not be afraid to go "old school" and literally pick something out of a hat or roll some dice. For example, if you're deciding between three different plot ideas, you can write each one on a few folded up pieces of paper, throw them all into a bowl, mix it up, and whatever you draw is the one you go with. Or, you could say 1 and 2 are idea #1, 3 and 4 are idea #2, and 5 and six are idea #3, then roll dice. And, actually, if you type "roll dice" into Google, you can roll digital dice and you can choose up to 20-sided dice or customize your own number of sides. This is particularly helpful if you have a list of items, such as several names you're trying to decide between.

If you Google "online decision maker" you come up with a bunch of different online tools. Easy Decision Maker lets you type in a question... for example, "What should I name my character?" Then you can enter up to 26 options. When you click the "answer" button, it chooses one for you. Picker Wheel lets you put in the various options, then spin a wheel to decide.

The trouble I tend to have is sticking with whatever "fate" decides at that point, but one thing I've learned is that sometimes when my brain plays that game... where I roll a 4 meaning I go with plot idea #2, and then I'm disappointed, I know that is because some part of me knows I want to do either idea #1 or idea #3. So, even though it isn't working exactly as planned, I've still accomplished something... I've eliminated a choice. Now I can roll again, with 1 -3 being idea #1 and 4 - 6 being idea #2, and I know if I'm disappointed again with whatever I get, then the remaining choice is the one I wanted all along. For whatever reason, though, my brain can't just make that decision. It needed to go through that process to get there, and that's okay!

Now, as helpful as decision making tools can be, they're not always helpful in the moment, when you're writing and you're not really stuck between particular choices, but rather you're facing an empty void and aren't sure where to take the story next. For me, this is where pre-writing comes in really handy. I always go into a story with a beginning to end summary at the very least so I know where things are going. There's still often some decision making to be done, but I find it easier to do before I write rather than during.

When it comes to finding things to even decide between... like when you're planning your story and you come up empty on something, I find inspiration sources to be extremely helpful. For example, let's say I want to write a romantasy, and I have no idea what I want the setting to be like. That's the worst kind of indecision, because it's not like I can just type four or five locations into a decision maker and let it pick for me. I don't have a list to even pick from. So, looking at inspiration sources helps. Maybe I saw a travel show about Bavaria which really intrigued me... that could be a great inspiration location for my setting. Or, let's say I'm not sure what I want my character to look like. I might scroll through a list of up and coming actors, through the cast of a random TV show or movie, or think about actors in TV shows or movies I've recently seen. As I scan past thumbnails of head shots, when I see someone who looks like my character, I can stop and note down the name or save the photo. And with any inspiration source, if I find myself unable to decide between multiple inspiration sources... it's back to the ol' decision maker!

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[nekropsii]

Small Atomic Ask Bomb!!

I've got a bunch of short asks that I'd hate to spam the dash with individually, so I'll just put 'em here, under the cut!!

Content Warning: Long, Brief Discussions of Racism, Misogyny, Grooming, Brief Mentions of Incest and Pedophilia in Fanfiction.

I've always been a hater, and I honestly don't really think it's a bad thing - not as much as everyone says, at least! I think being kind of a bitch about things that don't matter is good for you, actually. Gets the urge to be angry out in a way that's healthier than just snapping at people in critical moments. I also just think being strong and passionate in your convictions is good for you. Being a hater gives you a spine if you do it right, and it fires a gunshot and scatters people you don't really want to be around. It also has the funny side effect of people thinking I take things way more seriously than I do, just because I'm opinionated and will state said opinions clearly. Big fan of this meme:

This is me.

------

I used to peek in there every now and then, just to be nosy. Incest at the top, always. Or straight up pedo shit. Sigh. Looked in the Mituna tag a couple times. CroTuna fucking nightmare hell dimension, always. Or KanTuna, which I also have gripes with. Or KanMiTula, which I have even more gripes with.

It is my understanding that the state of Homestuck fanfiction hasn't gotten much better since the 2010s. Everyone is wrong and no one is normal. Sad.

------

I don't know if the mere act of only making Jade and Jake brown out of all the Kids is Racist on its own, per se, but it is kinda silly in the sense that, you know, John and Jade are siblings, so realistically they'd look similar. And... People absolutely do get racist about it. Like, making Jade and Jake uniquely huge, hairy, threatening, and oddly shaped - gangly in the context of Jade, buff as hell in the context of Jake. I've seen some SEVERELY racist drawings where Jade and/or Jake were the only hints of melanin in the Kid line up and... Oh my god. It can get to straight up caricature levels. Watermelons and everything. Just comedically racist.

------

Genuinely one of the dumbest fucking things in the world. People will say literally anything. Saying Damara isn't Japanese is on par with calling Porrim a fucking Men's Rights Activist. It's a funny little claim people who are grievously wrong say as a condemnation of the Alpha Trolls for no reason. Why. To look smart? To fit in? Dumbass. Notice how they always have to invent bullshit lies to critique anything instead of just saying things that are true. It really frustrates me how 99.9% of Alpha Troll criticism just isn't at all legitimate when there's some real, genuine issues you could critique. It's stupid horseshit. I hate it so badly.

I don't actually care whether or not someone likes the Alpha Trolls, but at least hate them accurately. Come on.

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@sleepy-apparition

Everyone is so, so quick to turn a blind eye to just how violently misogynistic Kankri is, lmfao. Genuinely, I don't think I've ever seen anyone other than myself bring up the fact that he's an avid Slut-Shamer in the modern day. Other than that, I only really saw older Mituna fanatics bring it up over in the early-mid 2010s, but none of them are around these days.

Genuinely, some of the shit he says is so appalling, lol. Kankri FULLY deserves to get his ass beat.

------

I have said this before but I'll say it again - I do not think a Red Romantic Relationship will fix Dirk, or even really help him all that much. Before he gets into a RedRom, he needs some therapy, a break, and mood stabilizers.

However, I'm thoroughly of the opinion that a good BlackRom could work wonders on him, way more than a RedRom would. I think a solid, established Pitch Relationship with, like, Caliborn would be genuinely great for him, both mentally and in a Character Development sense. I hold zero interest in watching Dirk and Jake badly fumble a traditional romantic relationship - that notion is painful to me. ... But I do think I could read a full Intermission's worth of Dirk and Caliborn fucking around and not get tired of it once. They have a fantastic dynamic. It'd be good for Caliborn, too, I think.

This has been my Dirkuu propaganda bit. Thank you.

Also, the Voyeuristic feel of how people handle his Mental Illness. It makes me uncomfortable.

------

True. I don't have any other remarks to make about this, you're just correct. True.

------

... Fuckin'... Why, though? What- what's the appeal? There's nothing there. I literally cannot conceive any way in which that would be compelling, and I'd say Hal and Kankri are pretty high up there in the list of Male Homestuck Characters I Enjoy.

People will do anything but pay attention to Female Characters for five minutes. God. Lol.

------

It's literally just DaveKat 2. I don't think it even qualifies as a Crack Ship when it's just a variant of The Fandom's Most Darling M/M OTP. It's just a deeply mid RarePair. Crack Ship would be, like, Dirk Strider x Rainbow Dash.

Dirk x RD was a popular Crack Ship, sure, but it's still a Crack Ship on basis of being a Crossover Pairing.

------

I can't recall any specific instances of seeing this myself, but I'll believe it. People will do anything except be normal about Vriska. People will fight the war against Vriska on the side of and against Vriska at the same time. People will call her a Huge 8itch but then call her pathetic when she stops being a Huge 8itch.

We love Misogyny, I guess.

------

Well, he is based on Tumblr, after all. Particularly how dogshit the politics are on here. Of course he would. He'd do numbers on here, considering his Woke Hate Speech.

It's called Bubblr, by the way. Like, canonically. We do know what it's called.

------

It's actually based on the Three Wise Monkeys. You know, that old Japanese Proverb that goes "See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil"? That.

Kurloz is Speak No Evil, Meulin is Hear No Evil, Mituna is See No Evil.

------

Great Question. My personal guess is that he's a little too nuanced for a lot of people to be comfortable with handling. He throws out too much surface-level Bigotry that people aren't willing to ignore because it isn't Racism for many to feel comfortable making him their Blorbo. When Dave says the N-Word and talks about how fucking Racist he is and it literally never gets acknowledged or resolved, that's fine and dandy, but god forbid Caliborn be a Misogynist in the funniest way possible AND have that get acknowledged literally constantly as a problem. The fact that Caliborn isn't a Fuckable White 13-Year-Old Twink means none of his crimes are ever forgivable because he's ugly and unshippable, or whatever.

The fact that he's Mentally Disabled doesn't help. People can't fucking STAND IT when a character is Mentally Disabled in a way that isn't Cute and Consumable, much less a character who is Unconsumably Mentally Disabled AND Complicated. It's just not allowed!!

[canirove]

Friends, lovers… and an orange | Chapter 8

Previous chapter | Next chapter (coming out on Tuesday)

Masterlist

"Ok, so. What does the birthday boy want to do next?"

"Take a nap?" Mason chuckled.

"A nap? Seriously? What about getting some ice-cream?"

"Addie, it's January!"

"And?" she shrugged.

"It is too cold for ice-cream. Besides, I'm full after that Sunday roast."

"They say ice-cream is digestive."

"I think I'll pass."

"Ok" Adele sighed. "Then what do you want to do?"

It technically wasn't Mason's birthday yet, it was in a couple of days. But since he had to work the next day and on his actual birthday he was throwing a party, that was the only day both of them were free to do something alone.

"Going home and taking a nap."

"Boring."

"But that's what I am in the mood for."

"Yeah, your mood" Adele said while they kept walking. "What is going on with you lately?"

"With me? Nothing."

"Mase, you've been acting super weird since the new year. Is it because of the kiss?"

"The kiss?"

"Yeah. About the photos and the article. Did it bother you?"

"Oh, that" Mason said, looking down. 

"You know you can tell me anything, right? That's what friends are for."

"Yes, friends."

"Mase, what is it?" Adele insisted, grabbing him by the arm and making him stop. "C'mon, you can trust me. What happened?"

"It's just... It's..." 

"C'mon" she said with an encouraging smile.

"It's something I have to do for work that I know you won't like."

"Something like what?" Adele asked.

"A brand I work with, one of the big ones. They want me to... They... It's for Valentine's Day."

"Oh… I see."

"They have this campaign about that day being not only about a partner, that it can be about everyone you love. Your family, your friends, your pets... And they want me to post some photos with the people I love."

"And they want you to post one with me."

"Yeah" Mason sighed.

"No."

"What?"

"I said no. We are not playing the press game" Adele said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"But..."

"I said no, Mason. Post photos with your parents, your brother, your friends... But not with me. I'm not allowing it."

"But Addie, you are my friend, you just said it. And I have to do it, it's part of the contract."

"Then tell them I've said no! I'm on my right to do it, I'm the one in the photos!"

"It isn't that easy."

"It actually is. My photos, my choice" she shrugged.

"The deal with this brand is one of the big ones, I can't lose it. And besides..." Mason said while nervously playing with his hands.

"Besides what?"

"I have to do it, Addie. I have to."

"Why, Mase? What is going on?" she said, taking a step closer. He looked so... Worried.

"Do you trust me?" he asked her.

"You know I do."

"Then please say yes to this. Please" he begged.

"I'm sorry, Mason. But no."

"Adele..."

"I've said no. End of the story" she said, starting to walk again.

"C'mon, think about it. It's just a photo. We'll pick one from Christmas for example. One you like."

"I've said no, Mason!" she said as she turned around, raising her voice maybe way too much. "I'm not gonna let them use me to earn more money, and I'm not gonna give the press an excuse to start harassing me again now that things seem to have calmed down. No means no."

"But..."

"I said no" Adele repeated, giving her back to Mason and walking away.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"So I am the bad guy now?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Great" Adele sighed.

What had happened the day after her argument with Mason? That they were on the Daily Mail because someone had sold them photos of her and Mason at the restaurant where they had eaten, and of everything that had happened after. Of their argument. And in those photos, Mason looked like a sad puppy while she just yelled at him, which had made his fans turn against her for hurting him, bitch being the nicest thing they were calling her.

"Have you spoken with him?" Jourdan asked.

"Nope."

"What about tomorrow's party? Are we still going?"

"You can go if you want to. I don't want to see him."

"But Addie... You need to talk about this. About the photos and the campaign."

"There is nothing else to say. We must have a stalker, and I don't want him to use me."

"Then talk about whatever is going on with him. Look at his face in these photos! And you keep saying he is acting weird. Adele, he needs you. He needs his friend."

"Jourdan..."

"Come to the party, please" she pouted. "Besides, you know who is gonna be there. If I go alone, I'll end up on his bed again."

"Quoting Dua Lipa now?" Adele chuckled.

"She was right, wasn't she?"

"She was, yes. But I don't know... What if he doesn't want to see me?"

"I'm sure he's dying to apologize, Addie. Especially after the way his fans are treating you."

"I'll think about it."

"Thank you" Jourdan said while hugging her.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Adele, you came!"

"Hello, Jacob."

"And you too, Jourdan" he smirked.

"Hello."

"Did the paps outside catch you?"

"Of course they did. They were waiting for me" Adele said.

"I thought you would not show up after your argument with Mason, you know? He's been looking like shit and even thought about canceling the party."

"Really?" she asked.

"Yup. I don't know what happened between you two, he hasn't said a word. But my boy has fallen for you, and hard."

"Jacob, we aren't together or anything like that, it's all the press."

"That's not what I said" he smirked again. "Anyway, gotta keep greeting people, I'm on door duty."

"Enjoy" Jourdan said.

"What... What did he mean?" Adele asked her when Jacob left them alone.

"Nothing, don't worry. He's probably already drunk. Should we get ourselves something to drink?"

"Yeah... Let's stick to our plan of being together and keeping you as away from him as we can."

But their plan didn't last long. After a couple of drinks, Jourdan was dancing with one of Mason's friends and getting very cosy, leaving Adele alone while keeping an eye on her.

"Hello."

"Fuck!"

"Sorry" Mason said next to her. "Didn't mean to startle you."

"It's ok, don't worry. Happy birthday, by the way."

"Thank you" he smiled. Though again, it was that sad smile. The one he had had since the year started. "I thought you wouldn't come after... You know."

"Yeah... But Jourdan asked me to help her stay away from Jacob, and I couldn't say no. And I also wanted to check on you. How are you?"

"I don't know, to be honest" he said, running a hand through his hair.

"Why don't we go somewhere quiet where we can talk?" Adele smiled, giving his arm an encouraging squeeze. 

"What about Jourdan?"

"It looks like she is ending the night with that friend of yours, she'll be fine."

"He actually is one of the good ones."

"Nothing to worry about, then. C'mon" she said, taking Mason's hand and leading them outside. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Here."

"Thank you, Mase" Adele said, putting on the coat he had given her. After looking for a place where they could talk and having to see some things they would have preferred not to see, they decided to go outside to one of the balconies. "I didn't expect it to be this cold."

"It's January, Addie" he chuckled.

"I know. But earlier it wasn't this cold."

"Do you want to go inside?"

"Nah, it's fine. Besides, I've always loved the view from here. Even at night it looks beautiful."

"It is one of the reasons why I chose this house."

"I'm sorry" Adele said.

"About the house?"

"No, no. About our argument the other day."

"I should be the one saying sorry. You were pretty clear about not wanting your photo to be used, and I kept insisting."

"But I could have been nicer, you know? Or make less of a scene."

"I've seen you do worse. You are a bit of a drama queen."

"Who, me?"

"Sorry" Mason smiled. And this time, it was an honest smile. The dimple was giving it away.

"I've missed seeing you smile like that."

"How?"

"Like that" Adele said, taking a step closer. "Like you really mean it. What is going on, Mase?"

"Nothing."

"It clearly is something" she said, taking his hand on hers.

"It's just... It's my agency" he sighed.

"What about them?"

"They keep pushing me to do things I don't want to or agree with."

"Then say no, leave them. It's that easy."

"It isn't, Addie."

"Why not? I remember my mum talking about a friend of hers breaking a contract with an agency that wasn't treating her well."

"Yes, but in my case it isn't that easy. There are... Clauses."

"Clauses?"

"Yes. And if I do something that goes against them, I'll be in big trouble."

"Will they sue you?"

"They could end my career."

"Holy shit, Mase" Adele said, caressing his cheek with her free hand, the other still holding his.

"That's why I kept insisting on the photo. If I don't do it..."

"But you are their best client! They wouldn't be that stupid, would they?"

"When there is money involved, people don't care about certain things."

"I'm so sorry, Mase."

"It's ok, don't worry."

"No, it's not" she said, wiping away a tear from his cheek. "There must be something we can do."

"Do as they say" he chuckled.

"What if I talk with them? What if I tell them I don't want my photo being shared?"

"Please don't" Mason said, closing most of the space between them. 

"I already told you, I'm on my right to..."

"Don't. Trust me and do as I say. Please."

"But..."

"Please, Addie. Promise me you won't talk with them" he said, caressing her cheek the way she had done with his. He looked so worried, so desperate.

"Ok. I promise."

"Thank you" he sighed, resting his forehead on hers.

"But only if you promise me that you won't do anything stupid."

"I won't" Mason whispered.

"Good. Now come here" Adele said, hugging him as tight as she could. "Everything will be alright, Mase."

"Everything will be alright" he repeated against her neck, his lips touching her skin as he spoke and making the goosebumps she had felt when they had kissed, come back.

[dontlookatmytmntcollection]

(I didn’t find any info if your askbox is closed or not, if you are not taking up requests you can ignore this!)

But hi :) how are you? how you are doing well

this is a bit personal, but would you mind doing either a Headcanon or scenario with reader x turtles (romantic/crush stage) with a…Hopeless reader? Kinda someone who had to tell themselves that love isn’t on their life journey and that seriously bother them? Lol

this weekend I’m gonna attend a friends wedding, while meeting with some shared friends before the wedding, one of them quoted corpse bride’s scene “to Emily, always the bridesmaid, never the bride” for me (most of my friends are married or dating long term), usually I handle the lack of a love life fairly well (by not thinking about it or just making jokes about it lol) but tonight it kinda really bothered me, a lot.) a lot of my friends treat me being single as something I don’t out efforts in it? But holy shit I do, and it really hurts to see them saying or acting like I’m not doing enough? Anyways. I guess the request would be how the turtles would react to a reader who kinda just lost hope, who agrees with the quote even if it makes her very sad? Kinda trying to wing the night lowkey but turtles can sense it hurt her (maybe Vern said the quote lol, or something similar… that’s something stupid enough for the falcon to do 😅)

I hope makes sense, if not I apologize for the messy ask. Have a good day / night

I'm sorry that happened. Your friends definitely need to stfu about that lol dating and relationships are fun, but nobody NEEDS them. If they need a RELATIONSHIP to feel fulfilled, they have shit to figure out.

Definitely been there tho. And being single can be horrible. I see you

Scene: Your turtle has been secretly pining for you for a while now. Hasn't got the guts to say anything yet.

TMNT x Lonely Reader

Leo

- He could sense your reaction instantly, despite how well you hid it.

- Your micro expressions, the slight but sudden shift of your bodyweight away from Vern- Leo almost didn't catch that you had smiled and laughed at the comment.

- His own reaction was visceral and overwhelming, at least it was to him.

-He remained still by your side, but the urge to...he didn't even know. Hide you. Push hard at Verns shoulder- something.

-Geez. He hadn't felt like this since he was a child. Like he could protect his little brothers or you from judgment or cruelty.

-He couldn't.

-He sucked in a breath through his nose, scrambling for self-control; watching you handle the interaction like an adult. Forcing himself to as well.

-But it did satisfy him to see that Vern physically felt his animosity. The guy took once glance at Leo before he instantly stuttered an excuse to walk to another conversation.

-"Vern is an idiot." Leo scratched out, desperate to keep what he really wanted to say to you at a minimum. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with you."

-You seemed surprised at that, glancing up at him. But your quite, sincere smile made it it worth it.

Raph

- "Always the brides maid, never the bride, huh?"

- "What?" It was a reactive response. Before you could even register what he had said, or the sudden amount of hurt- or embarrassment you felt.

- Raph had turned wide, expectant eyes on Vern as well, something Vern noticed instantly.

- "Well, yunno." Vern stutteres, trying to stay focused on you. "I've seen ya at these events a lot but you never bring a guy around...or-"

-"See that girl over there?" Raph suddenly said, leaning down a little to point your gaze in the right direction.

- "Yeah." You said quietly.

-"Who's that girl, Vern?"

-Vern looked back at you guys, shrugging and putting his hands back in his pockets with an air of pride. "She's my girlfriend."

-Raph smirked, his voice somehow both condescending and unusually soft. "Vern met her a week ago. That makes her..." Raph trailed off, looming back into his full height, towering over Vern. "The sixth one this year, right. Makin' you real good at givin' advice to pretty girls, Falcon boy. Careful with that."

-"Jesus. I'm just- I'll be over there." Vern sighed, awkwardly stepping aside then walking out of sight.

- Raph said nothing, instead turning to you. "You alright?"

-You were desperate not to say everything you wanted to. "Much better." You said instead, looking up at him. Hoping the softness you saw there was a reflection of what you felt for him too.

Donnie

- Donnie couldn't even react or register the words before you were handling it. Shrugging and waving Vern off.

-He was horrified. His eyes were glued to Vern, completely confused that the guy had missed how rude of a statement that was.

-The conversation came and went, and while he had a wonderful time, he was entirety focused on you.

-While you didn't seem MISERABLE, you were different. Something had obviously changed. And it was Verns fault.

-You had no reason to feel pressure of that kind. You were perfect the way you were! No one should ever, ever, ever make you feel anything less.

-The thought that you did made him physically sick to his stomach.

-He might not have caught it in time to say anything in the moment.

-But Verns apartment locks, car, computer, and bathroom pipes all giving him a hard time all in the next 24 hours?

-A complete and utter mystery...

Mikey

-"Yeah you should listen to him." Mikey said.

-Shock coursed through you. "What?" You looked at him, wide eyed, heart in your throat- "W- I should-"

-"You should listen to him." Mikey repeated, noding solumley, starting to confidently strole around Vern. "This guy has fantastic dating advise. You don't even know, girl. Look at him!" Mikey's smile was as bright as the sun, gesturing to Vern as if he was a plater he was showing off to you.

-"He's been on this earth so long, his life experience exceeds our very comprehension, girl."

-Vern made a sudden puzzled expression while yours melted quickly into a smile.

-"He's got recipes too. Qualifications, evidence, the whole nine yards. Guy has like- twelve grand kids-"

-"I- C'mon, Mike-" Vern was catching on.

-"Ohhh.. yeah, that's right. No grandkids. But he does have a wife. They just had their fiftieth anniversary-!"

-"I'm not that o- He's joking with you." Vern tried to explain. "I'm not married."

-Mikey snapped his fingers as he had remembered something, suddenly getting much, MUCH closer in Verns personal space.

-"Oh yeah, that's right. You're not married. I forget that your on, like, your sixth girlfriend this month. Maybe actual advise sounds like..."

-Mikey stepped away from Vern, standing infront of you. "Keep those standards up, girl. Pretty face like yours? You could have anyone you want."

-You couldn't stop smiling.

[httpsdana]

𝐔𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐓𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬~𝐀 𝐅𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐧 𝐓𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐩𝐭 𝟏𝟓

summary: Barça players and talented footballers. Souls meet and sparks fly. But there's always a twist when it comes to love isn't there?

pairing: Ferran Torres x Gonzalez!Reader

warnings: cursing, slight age gap, angst

previous part

Pedri arrived to the cafe, after Fermin had told him to meet there for breakfast. He was met with an empty table that they usually sat at. He was a bit surprised Fermin wasn't there because he's never one to be late.

He sat down and went through his phone, waiting for his friend to arrive. After a few minutes, he heard the door of the cafe, which was almost empty, open.

He looked up, expecting to see his friend, but was met with the figures of his twin sister, and his now ex best friend, walking together towards him.

y/n noticed the shift in Pedri's face, quickly feeling her heartbeat rate increase rapidly.

"what the fuck are you two doing here?" he said in a rather high voice, making some of the people sitting there look at them.

y/n walked quickly walked to Pedri, trying to get him to sit down.

"no I'm not gonna sit down. where is Fermin?" he asked, anger bubbling inside of him at the sight of the couple.

"Pedri please. we don't need more attention on us, just sit down. please" y/n said in a calm voice, making Pedri roll his eyes.

He sat down, crossing his arms over his chest and looking at them. y/n looked at Ferran, who hasn't spoken a word yet.

He sat down next, before y/n pulled the chair next to him and sat down too.

"Pedri please, just give us a chance to explain ourselves" Ferran said, resting his elbows on the table.

Pedri rolled his eyes again, before speaking up

"I don't wanna hear anything. you two were fucking behind my back after I warned you both to stay away from each other in a more than friendly way. You didn't listen to me and decided to break my rules. so you've got to deal with the consequences" he replied bitterly, giving y/n a death stare.

She let out a shaky breath, before speaking up.

"but we didn't do anything wrong Pedri. we met, liked each other and then decided to date. we would've told you if we didn't know you were gonna be a bitch about it" y/n said, rather sassily.

Pedri furrowed his eyebrows, leaning forward so no one hears what they say.

"a bitch about it? you shouldn't have even done it since you knew I didn't like it" he said.

"Pedri I have liked your sister for almost a year now back when I didn't know about you two being siblings. when you introduced us I knew I had to take the chance. when will you stop making everything about you and let your sister live a bit?" Ferran defended his girlfriend, making Pedri's anger bubble even more.

"how you dare say i make everything about me? you were my fucking best friend until you decided to mess with my sister. how the fuck does that make it about me?" he said, through gritted teeth to stop himself from bursting out on the two

"then why won't you let me date her? i treat her better than any man could. And I make her happier than she has ever been. If you really did love your sister, you would let her be with whoever she wanted, without controlling her life and cutting her off because you don't like it" Ferran spoke thoughtfully, realizing he was slowly getting into his head.

Pedri looked at the two intensely, before focusing his gaze on his twin. He saw her nervously glancing at him then at Ferran.

He rolled his eyes before speaking up

"I can't even look at you two the same anymore" he said, leaning back at his chair

"Pedri..." y/n mumbled, making Pedri let out a sigh.

"I have to think about this. it's really not as easy as it looks for me" he spoke seriously before getting up.

"I'll see you two later. when I make up my mind" he said, before walking out of the cafe.

y/n covered her face with her hands, exhaling deeply. Ferran rubbed her back, kissing the back of her head.

"don't worry love. we managed to get into his head a bit " he said, not stopping his soothing movements.

"I hope so" she mumbled.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Pedri sat with Fermin and Gavi before training, his sister and best friend still running in his head. He couldn't even make it make sense in his head. So he decided to ask the two boys about the situation.

"um Ferran and y/n spoke to me today" Pedri said calmly, making Fermin raise his eyebrows.

He was expecting and secretly hoping that Pedri was still as angry about the situation

"how did they even get you to go there?" Gavi asked, confused about it.

Fermin swallowed the lump in his throat, avoiding eye contact with Pedri. Pedri looked at him for a second, before speaking up.

"I just found them at the cafe and they spoke to me there" he cleared his throat.

"and...?" Pablo asked, waiting for him to continue

"I don't know, I wanted to ask you two about it. They started saying how they liked each other a lot and that they didn't tell me because they knew I would be upset and whatever" he said

Pablo smiled at him. "just forgive them. they obviously like each other too much and you can't do anything about it" he shrugged. Pedri looked at him, while Gavi gave him an encouraging nod.

Fermin didn't like how Pablo was convincing him. He liked y/n, and he wanted her for himself.

"no!" he said, almost in a high voice, making the two others look at him confused

"I mean...they betrayed you and lied to you. you can't forgive them that easily. "he said, in hopes to get in his head.

Pablo looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, wondering why he was turning Pedri against Ferran and y/n.

Pedri thought about it then sighed, before taking a ball and walking to the other side of the pitch.

"what the fuck was that?" Gavi asked Fermin.

Fermin smiled and shrugged

"what? they did him so dirty he can't forgive them quickly" he winked, before walking to where Pedri was.

Gavi watched Fermin talk to Pedri all day long. He seemed to be convincing him into doing something bad. He sensed it.

But Pedri didn't speak to him from that time. So he knew something was gonna happen.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

A few days later, y/n was at her apartment, watching a movie before her door knocked. She got up, not expecting a guest.

Opening it, she saw Pedri standing there with a smile on his face. She smiled back, letting him in. She thought it was a good sign, that he smiled and even came here.

"what's up?" she asked, while they sat on the couch.

"nothing much. I think I can accept a bit the fact that you and Ferran and dating but it's gonna take some time to wrap it up in my head you know?" he said.

y/n let out a sigh of relief, giving him a smile.

"thank you Pedri. and I'm sorry you had to know the way you did"she said, apologizing to him.

He gave her a side hug, before speaking again

"you know... I'm talking to a girl too" he said, making y/n's jaw drop, before she smiled widely

"you are? what's her name?" she asked curiously. Pedri shook his head with a smile

"you'll know later. we should all go out some time. I can invite her, and Ferran can come too" he said.

y/n thought it was a bit suspicious, how he wanted to basically go on a double date with her and Ferran and his girlfriend.

Pedri noticed her weird expression. "just so you don't feel out of place I told you to get Ferran. you don't have to if you don't want to" he shrugged. y/n shook her head

"no no it's fine. how about we go out for dinner tomorrow? Fer always makes reservations at this fancy restaurant" she suggested. Pedri smiled and nodded, grabbing his phone to text his girl, and while y/n texted Ferran.

"Ferran said the reservation is done. tomorrow at 7" y/n said, Pedri nodded, texting on his phone for a while, before he and y/n played Fifa all day.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

"hey darling. I'm outside are you done yet?" Ferran's voice said through the phone

"yeah I just wanna grab my heels and I'll be out" she said, before they hung up.

Pedri texted y/n telling her that they'll meet her and Ferran there. She texted him back before grabbing her heels and rushing to Ferran's car.

"hey babe" she said, smiling at him.

He looked at her with a smile, before leaning in and kissing her lips lightly, making sure not to mess up her lipstick

"you look gorgeous baby" he mumbled against her lips, making her smile.

She was wearing one of the dresses she once bought when she went out with Ferran. A short light blue dress, with some beautiful details.

"thanks Fer. you look handsome too" she mumbled, trying to hide the blush on her face.

Ferran grinned, pecking her lips a few times before starting the car and driving to the restaurant.

"do you know the girl he's bringing with?" he asked, before y/n shook her head.

"no he just said we'll meet her at dinner. She better be nice" y/n said, making Ferran chuckle.

Soon they arrived, parking their car and getting out of it. The waitress lead them to their table while they sat waiting for the other couple to arrive.

"oh they arrived" y/n said, when she saw Pedri appear at the door.

Only for him to appear with the woman y/n hoped to never meet. In a gorgeous red dress, she walked with Pedri to the table they were sat at.

"guys this is Sira. my girlfriend" Pedri introduced

[sunflower-author]

HI i've been obsessed with akaashi atm so could you do yandere akaashi

he'd be such a sneaky yandere since he's so observant and memorises your little mannerisms and personality. he knows just what to say to you and other people as well to get you all to himself

anyway idm what you do, have fun with it!! hope you have a good day <33

SORRY IK IT IS SUPER LATE, AND I TRULY WANTED TO DO THIS!!

ALSO I WAS RAMBLING A LOT BUT HOPE YOU LIKE IT;)

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

      It's a Friday and school just ended, you go to the usual spot to meet Akaashi before he has to practice. A bench under the tree, on the opposite side of the gym, giving you guys time to talk, before making it to the gym.

After some time you see Akaashi turn the corner, from sitting on the bench you stand up to greet him. Smiling as you make your way toward him. 

"There you are, I was wondering if you ever were gonna come," you say jokingly.

"Sorry, that was my bad I was caught up with some schoolwork," Akaashi says. In reality, he was writing in his notebook about you. He has a notebook, where he keeps specific tabs about you. Your likes and dislikes, also including plans about what he would want in the future, plans like...

.

.

.

"Y/N, I was wondering if after practice today, would you want to come over to my house to study?" Akaashi says walking.

"Sure, our AP test is coming up, and I'll be lucky if I get 3/5," you say shyly, following after him. (Headcanon that Akaashi takes AP classes) *ALSO I SWEAR I'M GONNA FAIL THAT TEST!!!*

"No comment," Akaashi says as he continues to walk.

"Hey why'd you say that?" you ask, confused and a bit offended.

"Well.. what did you think I would say?" Akaashi asks curious.

"I don't know, just not that, maybe something encouraging at least," you say, trying to defend yourself.

"If I say something encouraging either one, you would hype yourself up thinking your gonna do well,  then do just below that, and get all sad and guilty," 

"When have I ever done anything like that?" you ask not believing that you would do anything like that.

 "Remember your Biology finial, you said that you wanted to get at least a 90, I said how you've been studying so your gonna do amazing, but then you got 89. You ended up with a B for that class, you stayed in you room a whole week during summer, all depressed."

"It dropped my perfect GPA," you say defending yourself.

"Or two, you would study all the time till you only do well on that one test and forget about the rest, before you say anything, midterms... Your lucky it was only midterms."

"That only happened once," In your defense you learned never to try that again.

Rolling his eyes he finally says "Or three, if I encourage you right now, you might not take studying seriously and think you can just wing the test, and therefore end up failing."

"Oh yeah.. I do that one a lot don't I," you say embarrassed.

"You have been improvising a lot more than you usually have, now that I think about it, is something wrong?" Akaashi asks concerned.

"Oh.. you've noticed that?" you ask as you stopped walking, looking down ashamed. " I admit that I have not been studying as much as before... I just feel like I'm burning out... or maybe I am burnt out..." 

Akaashi going right in front of you, he just pats your head, it may seem small, but it is your favorite form of affection from him. 

"You know it is normal to be burnt out, the important and most hardest part is overcoming it. I'm always free when you need me. If you want I'll skip practice today, we can just go straight to my house," Akaashi offers.

"That's very sweet of you Keji, but the volleyball team really needs you. You're the only one who can handle Bokuto, and I can't imagine how sad Bokuto would be when he finds out you're not there today." You reassure him.

"You know I care about you, more than I care about volleyball and Bokuto, just say the word and we can go to my house," Akaashi says, persisting.

"Keji, pretty soon is the Spring Nationals, you need to prepare, I'll meet you after your practice," you say as you start to part ways.

Unexpectedly Akaashi follows you grabbing you hand softly.

"Where are you going," he asks. Normally you would wait for him in the gym's girls locker rooms, till his practice is over, since there was air condition inside.

"I thought that today.. I would go stay in class and wait for you, maybe study a bit before.. so that you don't need to catch me up on anything, then we can study faster tonight," you said.

"What are you hiding?" he ask.

"I'm not hiding anything," you said defending yourself.

"You're avoiding eye contact with me, you keep scratching your neck, and your more defensives than normal, I can tell when you are trying to hide something Y/N," he said. After a few more moments of silence you finally confessed.

"Alright fine... one of my friends invited me to join track practice today, I know you don't want to join any sports, but it was just a practice, I'm not going to join," you said admittingly.

"Was that all you were trying to hide?" Akaashi asks, acting surprised. "I'm sorry if you felt like that was something you had to hide from me," his words so soothing, hiding the venom within.

"It was just because whenever I tell you about a club I was going to join you would always turn the idea down, or convince me not to do the club," 

"That is not true-"

"Soft tennis, kyudo, archery, ice skating, and now track and field," you cut him off, apparently Akaashi was not the only one that was keeping tabs on their partner.

"I just don't want you getting hurt, and plus who knows...  what if you get too involved in the sport and fall behind in school, also when you compete would you be willing to do it, all eyes would be on you, I know you get anxious in a crowd, and when you compete your coach, teammates, friends would all be counting on you," Akaashi explains.

"Yeah your right," you say, realizing that you shouldn't have thought about ever joining a sport, there would be no way you would be able to handle the stress and pressure. 

"I just thought I would be cool to have a sport since your in volleyball, I didn't want you to think I was lazy or something," you say timid.

"I would never think that about you, I know how much you study, how much you help your family around the house, I would never think of you as lazy," He says commending. "But just out of curiosity what type of event would you have picked if you were to do track and field?" he ask.

"It would be pole vault," you say. Hearing those words Akaashi was so glad to have convinced you not to. 

Pole vaulter's have upper body strength, and in the emergency of him kidnapping you, with you having some upper body strength it would just be irritating. He would win though. 

"Pole vault?" he asks, hesitantly.

"Is there a problem?" you ask curiously.

"It is just that pole vaulting is one of the most hardest events, and you're just going to jump into trying it," is all he says. 

But that was more than enough. What were you thinking, trying to pole vault, your in your 3rd year. Image trying to practice, how underclassmen will just see how bad you are. They must be way better, the season started 1 month ago. Also there was other events practicing too, image all those eyes on you.

"Yeah your right, it was just a dumb idea, I'm gonna text my friend that I'm busy," you said as you pulled up your phone, and started texting.

As you start to walk towards the gym with Akaashi following behind you.

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Nameless, Faceless: Part One

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.4k

Summary: Not even four hours after the case in Canada, you're thrown into another one. This time, without Hotch. You have a sinking feeling he's not just blowing you off to get some sleep. There's something wrong.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: welcome to the first episode of season 5! i hope you enjoy this series just as much as i loved writing it! <3

I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated.

x

"A weak man has doubts before a decision. A strong man has them afterwards." - Carl Kraus

Four hours. Four hours of sleep you got after ending that grueling case in Canada. Four hours later, you are called into another case. JJ didn't disclose the details of the case since you'd get them as soon as you arrive. You and Spencer meet up with Derek at the same time, and Rossi and Emily greet you who are already outside of the newest victim's house.

You freeze in your tracks and put a hand to your stomach that grinds and churns painfully. You gasp and look at Spencer who puts a hand to your back in comfort.

"What's wrong?"

"Where's Hotch?" you ask.

"I don't know. He hasn't arrived yet."

"Are you okay?" Rossi asks.

"Yeah, my stomach hurts. It's probably from the lack of sleep. I'm gonna call Hotch." You take your phone out and call your boss but he doesn't answer. "He's not answering."

"He probably has it on vibrate. He'll show up eventually."

You don't tell them that you think something is seriously wrong with Hotch. If there isn't anything wrong, then you're going to worry everyone for no reason. You push down the feeling of uncertainty and focus on the case at hand.

"We're not working a case. Why call us to a crime scene?" Derek asks.

"I was hoping you knew."

"JJ said the police told her it was urgent."

"With four hours of sleep after what we went through in Canada, it better be," Derek sighs.

You five walk inside the victim's house where JJ, the detective, and the CSI agents are. Your stomach churns again and Derek notices the way you wince in pain.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

Something is wrong with Hotch, you can feel it. You don't want to worry anyone without knowing more details.

"Oh, you guys are already here. Do you guys remember Detective Walker?" JJ asks.

"Thanks for being here. I understand none of you are working on much rest."

"Who's the victim?" you clear your throat.

"His name is Nelson Martinez. From what we can figure, he answered his door, was forced into the apartment at gunpoint, and then shot in the chest. It was all pretty sloppy."

"No disrespect, but I don't understand why you need us here," Derek says.

"Two days ago, a local doctor named Tom Barton found a note addressed to him at the hospital. It said the person was planning to kill his son. If Dr. Barton tried to keep his son hidden, one person would die every day in his place."

"You think this is connected?"

"There was a note on the body. It's signed L.C. Yesterday, we had another victim with multiple gunshots outside the apartment. The shooter wrote L.C. in white chalk next to the body."

"Unless Dr. Barton puts his son in harm's way, we're gonna keep having a victim a day," Spencer says.

"We're Barton now?"

"He's at home," JJ answers. "He doesn't know about this victim yet."

"Where's Hotch?" you ask again.

"He's not answering his cell. I assume it's on vibrate. He'll get the message when he wakes up."

You hope all he's doing is sleeping.

"Try him again. He can meet us at Barton's house."

You leave the house first and grab your phone to call him again. Like the half dozen times before, it goes to voicemail.

You've reached Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. Please leave a detailed message. Thank you.

"Hotch, it's Y/N again. Listen, we're gonna need you to meet us at a house in Mclean, Virginia. 120 Kensington Road. Call me when you get this."

The sick feeling in your stomach only gets worse by the time you reach Dr. Barton's house. He is eager to let you into his house because this whole thing has him freaked about protecting his own life as well as his son's.

"Barton, where is your son right now?" Emily wonders.

"I asked him to stay up in his room."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him that there was a threat against me at the hospital. I told him the police didn't take it seriously, that they wanted me to stay here for a few days, and that I wanted to have him with me."

"What about Jeffrey's mother?"

"She died when he was ten from breast cancer. Would someone really hurt Jeffrey?"

"Two people are dead already. Whoever sent that note is obviously serious."

"If I don't let Jeffrey out of the house, then another person's gonna die? He's only fifteen. I cannot put him in danger."

"We're not asking you to. Even if you were willing, we can't send him to school knowing he would endanger every student in the building. What we need to do now is go over everything we know and piece together how this person fits into your life," Rossi says.

"I can't think of anyone who would want to hurt Jeffrey," Dr. Barton stutters.

"Whoever wrote that note was putting you on notice. This is personal. He wants you to remember who he is, and until that happens, he hasn't accomplished what he set out to do."

"I know you've been asked this before, but please think again. Do you know anyone with the initials L.C.?" you wince in pain.

"I've looked everywhere," he sighs. "In my day planner, emails, and patient lists. There's no one."

"Have you noticed anyone who might have been watching you either at the hospital or here in the neighborhood?"

"No. I'm sorry."

"Both the victims he's killed have been Hispanic men in their forties. Have you had a patient recently that fits the description?" Detective Walker asks.

"I'm a trauma surgeon in D.C. I have endless patients of all demographics."

"We're gonna need records of all your recent surgeries."

"Of course."

"I'll call Garcia," JJ announces and steps off to the side.

"I don't understand. If he's mad at me, why not just kill me?"

You leave the group and walk over to JJ who is texting Penelope.

"Hey, is there any word from Hotch?"

"No, nothing."

"That's not like him," you sigh and touch your stomach.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I think it's from the lack of sleep," you lie.

Dr. Barton's phone rings and he eagerly picks it up thinking it's good news.

"Hello? ... Jeffrey? ... What's happening? Are you okay?" Derek immediately runs upstairs to check if Jeffrey is in his room only to discover that his window is wide open. "Jeffrey, what's going on? Talk to me."

"He's not up here."

"Jeffrey, where are you?" He hangs up regretfully and looks at everyone in the room. "He's at school. He says he's fine but for how long?"

"Let's go. JJ, you're with us. Prentiss, Y/N, and Reid stay with Dr. Barton and go through all of his case files. The unsub is in there," Rossis takes charge.

Dr. Barton doesn't give this two thoughts because as soon as half the group is out of the house, he goes running after them.

"Dr. Barton, please!"

"You need to go back inside," Rossi says.

"I'm coming with you. I'm gonna get my son."

"Sir, right now nobody is getting your son. Agent Prentiss or Y/N will explain it."

"I don't need an explanation. I'm getting Jeffrey."

"You need to listen right now. Once your son left this house, the safest place for him to be is at that school. We can control access in and out. Detective Walker will organize an evacuation as soon as the school day is done. If we incite a panic now and the unsub is outside, a lot of kids are gonna die," Derek explains.

"What if the killer is already at the school?"

"Then we'll be there, too. Let us do our job."

"Jeffrey knows better than this. He doesn't put himself in danger."

"I think he's just trying to do the right thing. He sees what his father does for a living. This is his way of trying to save lives, too."

"You'll be there?" Dr. Barton asks after a moment.

"Yes."

"Tell him I'm not mad at him. Tell him I love him, and I'm proud of him."

"We will."

Rossi's team leaves for the school while you, Emily, and Dr. Barton head back inside to where Spencer is. He's on the phone with Penelope going over the case files over a certain time period. This unsub started killing recently, so his case might not have been that long ago. The feeling in your stomach gets worse just as a new pain erupts in your side.

Something is seriously wrong with Hotch.

"This guy is a trauma surgeon working in a major metropolitan area. We are talking thousands of surgeries."

"Confine it to the last six months."

"That's still hundreds. Do you want biological information or full medical charts?"

"Can you get the full medical charts?"

"You know, for a smart boy, you still ask a lot of dumb questions. You'll have them in seconds."

"Ask her if Hotch checked in with her," you say.

"Did Hotch check in with you?"

"He's not with you?"

"He's probably on his way. Uh, thanks for everything. Bye." He hangs up on her. "She's going to email the files. We'll print them out from here."

"I could have my office send over the files."

"Trust us, this is faster. We need to dig through your life and try to figure out why this is happening. Let's start with the most recent cases first. Something set this guy off and odds are it's in your files. Let's concentrate on the note. For starters, we know that he's male."

"How do you know?" Dr. Barton asks.

"Women tend to add adjectives and very specific details to their notes. This has none of those," Emily explains. "Males are also more direct. The first sentence is 'I plan to kill your son'. Their notes tend to be more about themselves than the person they're writing to. For example, 'I watched you every day' and 'I will watch you lose everything'."

"We know he surveilled you and your son which means he either has enough money to be away from a regular job or he's currently unemployed. He's most likely a father because he's clearly grieving. He's taken great measures to make sure you feel his pain."

"Let's start with cases involving teenagers that were killed, but also anyone with a strong family presence. Just because your son is fifteen doesn't necessarily mean that his child is the same age."

"Have you had a lot of cases like this where someone taunts you with what they're gonna do?" Dr. Barton asks.

"A few."

"How did they end?" No one answers his question because it's not something he should hear. "Please."

"Suicide by cop seems to be an effective way for them to make their point while ending their suffering all at once," you answer.

"Jeffrey is leaving school in five hours. There's no way we can get through all these patients at this time."

"We already narrowed the list."

"We still have a hundred left." Dr. Barton is clearly upset with the way things are and he realizes he's lashing out. He takes a few deep breaths before continuing. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be callous but when you work in the ER, you don't remember names. You operate and you move on."

This is your opportunity to check in on Hotch. Please let him be sleeping.

"He's right. There are too many files here for us to profile in such a short time. I'm gonna go get Hotch. You two stay here and start filtering through the list. I should be back in half an hour."

"Who's that?"

"He's our supervisor. We weren't supposed to work today. We're having trouble getting ahold of him."

"We need more eyes. I'll be right back."

You kiss Spencer's head when you pass by him.

"The note doesn't say that he'll kill Jeffrey today. It says, 'If not today, tomorrow, or the next day'. Let's say he gets home safe. How long will you all be around to make sure he's okay?" Dr. Barton asks worriedly.

"Let's just get through today."

The principal of the school is more than happy to help the FBI once she hears exactly what is going on in her school. She wants to take action immediately but the team isn't so keen on the idea.

"I need to notify all the parents," the principal panics.

"We think that's a mistake."

"I'm in charge of keeping these kids safe, agent."

"Exactly, and there's a natural end to this day when buses and parents come to pick these kids up. Whoever's doing this is not an effective shooter. His killings are sloppy. So, if there's a panic, a lot of people could be caught in the crossfire," Derek explains.

"Can't you just take Jeffrey home?"

"If we do that and the unsub is watching, someone else is gonna be killed."

"Then what are you going to do?"

"We'll lock up every filter point except the front door. Nobody comes in. We say it's school policy so there will be no questions, and if someone needs to see a student, we bring the kids to them."

"I'll need a complete list and employment records of everyone already inside the building," JJ says.

"I'll brief your security guards and take care of all of the exits. After that, I need you to gather the faculty into small groups and bring them to me. We'll treat it as routine, and in the meantime I need you to get Jeffrey out of class as casually as possible. Can you do that?"

"Sure."

Derek, Rossi, and JJ follow the principal to the classroom Jeffrey is in and she steps inside alone.

"Jeffrey Barton. Could I see you for a moment?"

The other students mutter in curiosity as Jeffrey meets the principal in the empty hallway. He sees the three FBI agents and becomes worried.

"Hey, Jeffrey. My name's Derek Morgan. I'm with the FBI."

"I saw you in my living room."

"Listen, the first thing I need to know is if you've told anyone about what's happening?"

"No."

"Are you sure? Because even just one text message could set this place off."

"I'm sure."

"Alright. We're gonna keep you safe, kid. In order to do that, you're gonna have to stay calm and trust me. Do you understand? Every time you step out of class, I will be right here. Now, it's gonna look like I'm just another adult in the hallway with Principal Findlay, but I got your back."

"Is my dad okay?"

"He knows you were just trying to do the right thing. He just wants to get you home safe."

"Do you think somebody's trying to kill me to get back at him?"

"It's possible."

"Do you know why?"

"That's what we need to figure out."

Jeffrey goes back to class knowing he is going to be safe from whoever is targeting him. Even as he goes from class to class, he sees JJ and Derek right there watching him. He has no doubt that he is going to be safe, but the same thing can't be said for Hotch.

x

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[limeade-l3sbian]

I’m so frustrated. Im severely obese. I got diagnosed with PCOS about four years ago during a severe period of grief and did not take take it seriously, not only due to my pre existing internal issues but also because my doctor was extremely uninterested in the diagnosis. She made it come across as a super mild unserious thing. So in an already busy mind, that’s what I went with. Now years later i’ve lost half my hair and no it won’t grow back ever, i’m severely obese, I have really bad acne, i’m ALWAYS hungry, tired and unfocused, i feel so disillusioned with life. I’ve gone to the doctor since to get help with getting my symptoms under control, but besides birth control, no help can be given unless if I should want children. I’m basically on a sentence to early death. I will probably eventually develop diabetes because of this. I have doubts I’ll ever lose weight because it doesn’t matter what I eat or don’t eat, It’s like I have a black hole in my stomach and hunger cues are nonexistent now. I’ve tried protein rich diets, I’ve tried carb rich, I’ve tried mediterranean, fiber rich, keto, no sugar, nothing makes me feel less insufferably starved. I hate myself. I wanna scream every time I see my own image. I look like a man. I see women on here make fun of trans identified men’s hairlines and all I can think is mine is as bad or even worse sometimes. My worth was never based on looks but now that i look not human anymore i very much care. im grotesque. One big stretch mark, flappy, I feel like I can never get my hair clean for long or my body odor stay nice for more than a few hours. I shower and clean myself thoroughly every day, I’m super strict with my hygiene but it’s like my body is set in being one big greaseball. I don’t wanna go out. People stare. Why wouldn’t they? It’s shocking to see such a case.

I'm so sorry, anon. I wish I had some encouraging response that gets you fired up and has the secret to all your problems, but i don't. I'm not familiar with living with PCOS so I don't even want to presume what a hassle that is to live with. I'm sorry you weren't taken seriously by medical professionals who should've done all they could and I'm sorry

I can't offer you much except sorry. And I hope I am not the first person to say this to you. 💜