#I'm writing this in my notes app. don't judge lol

[toastedjeans]

Little snippet of that Siren Tower fic I'm working on out of context. Probably won't use this but i thought it was funny enough to share

[earthtooz]

x : ABUNDANCE :*+ﾟ

in which: rin doesn’t know when to stop spoiling you and you don't know how to stop him either.

warnings: rich pro-athlete!rin, gn!reader- reader wears lip gloss and perfume but i am an avid believer that they are gn, rin is dramatic (tm), fluff, swearing. 1.6k wc

a/n: rin is a clown in my eyes LMFAO no but this was kinda self-indulgent and i just can't stray too far from itoshi rin before he inevitably pulls me back. haven't written anything for him in a while so it feels good to be back to my roots. also no i'm not off break lol i did say that i was still gonna write and come back to post hehe. ENJOY!! rbs appreciated !!

itoshi rin doesn’t know when to stop spoiling you.

and you didn’t know how to get him to stop spoiling you. you could never resist his presents no matter what shape or size, whether they were little nendoroids of your favourite anime characters to the latest designer bags, you would always accept them with a grateful smile. 

however, there’s always a tug of guilt at your chest that makes you little hesitant, not wanting rin to waste unnecessary money on you. yet whenever you make this feeling known to rin, he scoffs and waves your concerns off, ending the conversation there as he urges you to open his presents, more concerned about your reaction than how much money is being extracted from his account.

what’s the point of money if he can’t spoil you with it? that’s always been his philosophy. besides, it’s not like you’re forcing him to, so what’s the big deal?

if there was a certain brand of perfume you wanted, he was going to buy it. if you needed a bigger monitor then he’ll buy it. if you needed a streaming platform to watch a certain show on then he’d buy it too, not a problem. in fact, you’re sure rin is funding the spotify premium for your account because he got tired of all the ads he had to listen to when sharing headphones with you. 

despite rin’s insistence that he was more than okay to spend money on you, it didn’t stop the growing feeling of guilt festering in your gut. so eventually you stopped bringing up things you wanted to buy in front of rin, leaving to write them down in your notes app instead.

the pro-athlete doesn’t question the abrupt lack of complaints about things you needed to buy, leaving him blissfully unaware of the things you had been buying for yourself and him. 

this dance continues for a little and it’s not until date night three weeks later that he figures you out. you never stood a chance against rin’s perceptiveness especially when one of his favourite things to do was watch you get ready for said date nights, leaving it only a matter of time before he’d realise,

“looking gorgeous as always,” he compliments whilst walking up to stand behind you, dressed handsomely in a crisp suit with his hair swept sideways- a hairstyle he began to wore more often when he realised how often you stared at him during a boring sponsorship event which turned out a lot more eventful thanks to the simple hair change.

you smile at him in the mirror as rin places a kiss on the side of your head, hand going to your hip before situating himself on the bed, glancing down at his watch to check that you were still on time for the dinner reservation.

when he looks back up at you, his eyes zero in on the foreign lipgloss you were holding in your hands and the small smile rin wore falls into a scowl. rin knows he didn’t get that for you, and judging from the sleekness of the packaging, it looks new. he withholds his suspicions, brushing them off.

alarms blare in rin’s head again when he notices the foreign highlighter in your hands. contrarily, you remain ignorant to rin’s inquisitive stare as you lean in close to the mirror to apply the product, too used to the usual intensity of his gaze to bat an eye. 

the last straw is the perfume you use, spritzing it on your wrists, behind your ears and neck, doing a little fanning motion with your hands once you were done.

“okay, i’m ready, let’s go before we’re lat-” you say, turning around to look at rin, cutting yourself off when you notice the look of distraught on his face. “what’s the matter?”

walking over to where he sat, you leisurely lay your forearms on his shoulders, pressing a kiss to his cheek whilst doing so. the smell of your foreign perfume enters his nose and although it was a very nice and charming scent, the athlete’s nose scrunches in displeasure, eyebrows furrowing further. 

“do i have something on my face?” you ask, backing away. rin grabs your hands before you can stray too far. 

“no, not that,” he puts your hands on his shoulders again. “did you always have this lipgloss? and i don’t recognise this perfume.”

“oh, i bought it not too long ago.” 

he looks at you as though you’ve committed the most blasphemous offence against him, which, you did. “excuse me?”

“i bought it?” you reaffirm, a lilt of confusion in your tone. 

rin narrows his eyes, combating your confusion with scrutiny. “you bought it.” you nod. “with your own money?”

“duh.”

he exhales loudly through his nose and you can feel the judgement oozing off him. “no that’s not right. i have to fix this.”

abruptly swapping your positions so that you were now sitting on the bed, rin disappears into the bathroom, emerging with a pack of makeup removers before sifting through your numerous products, that look of concentration never leaving his face.

“we’re gonna be late, rin,” you say from where he planted you, watching helplessly as your boyfriend approaches to stand in front of you, crouching down to be eye level with you. rin takes out a wipe from the packet before gently rubbing it on your lips, touch contrastingly gentle to his fiery gaze. 

“don’t care. this is more important.” 

rin fiddles with the highlighter that he bought for you, opening it cautiously and using the same brush you always use as he carefully paints your skin with the glitter. it amazes you just how observant rin is as he traces all the spots correctly, knowing you down to of the most insignificant, tiny details.

he does the same with the lip gloss, opening the familiar bottle before putting a luxurious amount of the product over your lips. you don’t complain about it, not when rin’s nose scrunches in concentration and not when he makes a disgruntled noise because he overlined the lip gloss, wiping it from the corner of your mouth.

nevertheless, when rin pulls away, he admires his handiwork with a content grin, the scowl now fading. “much better,” he mumbles, grinning slightly. before you could say anything though, the athlete stumbles away to put your makeup away, returning with a bottle of perfume that he also bought for you.

“do not spray that on me. the scents will clash,” you threaten. rin blinks at you before grabbing your wrist, spritzing a small amount before repeating the same step on your other pulse points.

his actions were sweet and you understood that rin had good intentions, but through the endearment you felt for your lover, there is an undeniable feeling of dejection settling within you. “i liked the products that i bought,” you murmur, tone slightly downcast as you express your thoughts. “i like using my own money sometimes too, rin.” 

the smile rin wore falls ever so slightly as he looks at your somewhat-dejected form, crouching in front of you instinctively as to get a better glance at your face. 

“i feel horrible whenever you use your money on me. especially on things that are way too expensive and way out of my budget. i don’t want people- i don’t want you to get the wrong idea of us,” you confess the last part breathily, rubbing your arms awkwardly. “and i hate feeling like i owe something to you.”

“hey, you know that will never happen, we’re not like that,” he rubs a hand on your knee reassuringly. “i buy things for you because i know, and don’t talk about this lukewarm shit about ‘owing’ me. if anything i owe you for putting up with me.”

you let his words sink in with a sigh, focusing on the warmth of rin’s palm. 

“and i also buy things for you because you only deserve the best. none of that mediocre crap that anybody can buy.” 

“but what if i like the ‘lukewarm shit’?”

“then you need better tastes, but i guess i have no choice but to buy it for you.” he stands up ever so slightly to kiss you.

you back away, cutting him off with a press of your finger against his lips. “rin. no.” 

he gives you a withering glare for denying his affection. 

“that’s not the point. as much as i love and appreciate it when you do buy things for me, i would also appreciate it if you let me use my own money too.” 

the soccer player backs away, eyes scanning your expression to decide on what to say next. he sighs when he sees the determination in your face and like a dam giving out, it’s the first sign of rin’s stubbornness surrendering to your pleas.  “fine, i’ll respect your choice, but it doesn’t mean that i like it.”

you grin, pulling him back in for the kiss he wanted earlier, catching rin off guard briefly before his shock subsides, letting him melt right into you. your lipgloss was now effectively ruined but you didn’t have it in you to care much. rin could always reapply it for you. 

“but i’m paying for dinner,” he asserts against your mouth. 

“deal.”

you return home tomorrow to see the same products you bought for yourself on your shared bed. except brand new and still in their sleek packages. 

what were you going to do with rin?

[staybabblingbaby]

Best Friend Protocol #9 (Bet part)

[Caution: These are not full fics, or even full parts of fics for some, these are part of my writing progress archive!]

Concept: You're Felix's childhood friend, and you and he have been planning a visit to see him for his birthday for what feels like years now. Unfortunately, SKZ is a very busy group, and the week-long vacation you'd planned for doesn't seem possible. Until Felix decides to ask his bandmates a favor...

Word Count: All images, so N/A. Unless someone wants to make these accessible but I don't really know how.

Notes: I'm back! Did you miss me? I feel like it's been ages since I posted any writing but it's only been a few weeks ^^;; @thatgirlangelb gave me this idea, so everyone say thank you <<<333 You'll be seeing that phrase a lot coming up lol. Love you my beautiful daughter <3 I actually like this one quite a bit. Seungmin is my favorite little shit i love him so much <3 Can I tell y'all a weird story? Don't judge me ok? This chapter got written bc of Banana Pie. I've been so stressed out lately I couldn't bring myself to even open my app. But my roommate accidentally ordered 3 bunches of bananas (she wanted 3 individual bananas) and they were going bad so I stole them and stress baked 2 full sized pies and 3 mini ones. It took 6 hours. I felt so much better afterwards. Anyways this one is Bet Part, but in my heart it's Pie Part. I will have to dedicate a chapter in the future to Felix baking Pie w Reader abt it.

Warnings: She/Her Reader.

Leave me comments or questions or anything! Love hearing from folks

Additional Note: I'm always taking interaction requests. Just fyi

Masterlist | Prev Part | Next Part

Worm List! ( (づ￣ ³￣)づ) @thatgirlangelb @hyeon-yi , @missvanjii, @velvetmoonlght, @hanniemylovelyquokka , @vegetablesarefuntables, @scribblesnsketches05, @kkamismom12, @alexateurmom, @baribaaari,

If your blog is in Red its bc Tumblr won't let me tag you! It looks fine when I edit it and then it doesn't like me anymore when it posts T^T

Perma Tag List: the lovely @mbioooo0000 <3

[soggypotatoes]

ok you gotta admit. my night is at least as objectively funny as it is horrifying lol. my mood has been swinging so intensely it's like

*taking too much medication and writing an angry thesis in my sketchbook about how sex is inherently sadistic and everyone who has sex should literally die (ok ms catholicism. don't judge me I'm traumatised)*

~half an hour later~

*happily drawing doggie portraits in the same sketchbook*

~one hour later~

*viciously cutting leg open and using the blood to paint angry wolves surrounded by quotes of obscene things men have said to me*

~one hour later~

*eating vermicelli salad watching funny youtube videos and downloading silly apps*

~you get the gist~

*drinks as much whiskey as I can without breathing and starts thinking about what to write in my suicide note*

*goes to abuse more meds, instead is now jamming out to musical theatre, drawing tasteful furry porn and snacking on some cheese*

*spends an hour reading the most traumatic first hand accounts and vents I can find in order to harm myself by making what I've been through look like nothing. am reminded of the very worst of humanity and why there is no hope at all ever*

*suddenly totally fine and picking up my cat for some happy smooches. we r cuddling now and thats final <3*

liiiiike... I'm fine guys dw lol, I'm so serious rn I'm all good. some nights r like this and I'm always ok in the end. just wild to me now looking back cause like. what the fuck is going on lol

[muzzlemouths]

I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS ACTUALLY.

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

You've already answered this one, but if you're comfortable with it I'd love to hear about/compare experiences, and if not, you can just skip this one or tell us about the scariest thing you've read/written, if you're cool with that? - 🪲

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

If any of these are too serious/boring/personal/etc. feel free to skip them or substitute in a question you like better, and have a lovely night Muzz!! - 🪲

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

Don't show anyone an excerpt before the project is named. Can't tell you exactly why this one has me by the throat like it does, but I simply Will Not share any snippets or screenshots if the wip it's from doesn't have at least a working title yet, or the entire project feels "cheated on", somehow. Please release me from this curse.

9. Do you believe in ghosts? [Extended edition]

I'm going to answer this in a separate post because it'll take over the entirety of this one if I let it lmao

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

I don't write in margins mostly because I write in Big Ass Letters and they'd take up the whole space. My English teacher hated it lol. As for dog earring, I do that with my journals all the time, but with actual books I'll use the closest flat object as a bookmark instead. I don't take baths so that last one's not an issue for me! But I'd probably avoid it anyways just out of anxiety tbh. No shame if you do though!

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You guys have organization methods???

Okay, in all seriousness, there is no method. I have a gdrive folder for each of my wips and that's about as organized as it gets. Sometimes I have a "notes" document and sometimes those notes are just comments in the doc themselves and sometimes it's just the thought in parentheses that I have to remember to take out later. Some of those notes are from years prior or are old/outdated and I could remove them but I just don't.

Sometimes random scenes or lines or notes will jump into my head and I'll write them down in a notes app or someplace random and then it'll get buried or forgotten about. Sometimes I'll write scenes or excerpts and name them funny titles and those docs don't get put in their respective gdrive folder so when I need them months down the line I have to remember a sentence that was written and punch that into the search bar to see what comes up. It's hell. I have no plans to change.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

I love a lot of poetry but this one from @nutnoce is on my mind constantly

As for books, I could write you entire essays about how Wintergirls changed my life (and if you're looking for the inspiration behind my entire writing style, this is it)

Fanfiction is a little harder to pinpoint. I love a lot of fics and I've come across some really breathtaking ones, but the fic I always return to is one I can't recall the name of, and which no longer exists. It was posted on an old forum website long before AO3 existed and I discovered it mere days before the entire site shut down, so I've never been able to find it again.

That said, the plot of that fic was a character coming to the realization of being trans and running away from home to Who Knows Where, and this one line from it had, and always will, haunt me to my core:

"The highway yawned endlessly forward, an outstretched hand, a familiar stranger, he was exhausted by the introduction and the time and time again he'd been made to greet it alone. The wheel under his sweaty palms offered no more control than the act of waking up every fucking day and dressing a body he didn't recognize."

[cerriddwenluna]

15, 22 and 40! From the Weird questions for writers post 😇

Thanks for playing, Kay! ♡

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

Only in textbooks. Not anymore. Hells yes! For as many books as I have, I feel like I am more of a custodian than an owner, because if properly taken care of, books can last hundreds of years or even more and hence they will outlast me. Also, reading in the bath is a must, as is drinking wine and eating crisps.

I don't judge people who do write in or earmark their books, unless they do it to my books and no, we can't be friends anymore if you do that to me lol

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

I mostly take notes in gdocs, or my phone app if I'm on the go and then work things out in a timeline/outline later. When a story is birthed by over exited ramblings in (private) chats, I'll screenshot the relevant bits and later transcribe them, or copy paste if it's one big block of text.

I do still have a physical notebook floating around where I had written out a HP AU in excruciating detail, but as soon as I had written down the specifics, I never actually wanted to write the story lol

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

I wanted to go for Invictus by William Henley, since that's kinda my mantra, but it's fairly well known so instead I searched for something else. However, nothing else struck my fancy so here it is anyway. Sometimes things are 'clichés' because they are damn good! ;)

Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.

Ask me a weird question!

[house-of-mirrors]

for the writing asks: 15, 17, 22!

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

I've been recently reading a lot from the library and you can't do that lol. I'm getting more comfortable with highlighting stuff but never used to do it. Will never dogear a page, I like to keep things neat as possible. Don't read in the tub because it's too wet and I don't have the arm strength to hold a book up that long lol. I don't judge people that do those things tho

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

This is very broad so I'll narrow it down a little. With my current longfic, it started as all great ideas do, in the DMs with ur friend who likes the same tropes as you. In this case, it was a bunch of conversations in the discord with Prophet. It actually took me a long time to publish the first chapter, I started it in summer of 22 and posted it in January 23. I needed to grow as a writer and get some mental eelnesses in check to finish it and get it out there

Something that won't make it in the final draft: there was another concept for a finale that involved an extended scene in Parabola. I'm shortening and combining it with other things for better pacing.

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

I have an excel sheet for my thesis. I wrote an outline for my longfic. Things go in folders on the desktop. Otherwise it's just me, my main document, and the 999 other documents and notes tabs that contain cut ideas and late night ideas, all of which are poorly labeled and can pose a challenge to navigate when I need to find something

I type everything. My disability impacts my ability to hold a pen/pencil

[lynsburner]

your fics are so amazing!! where do you usually get inspiration from?

Thank you so much! Also, my apologies, because as always, it's time to give an unnecessary, long-ass answer to questions that should take a second to respond to.

So, this is threefold.

One: I love me a rom-com. I love two people who should be together finally find their way to each other. Some of my favorites are What If? (also called The F Word in some places) which to me is friends to lovers excellence, and there's a scene where they turn the "grand gesture" trope on its head that I LOVE, About Time (and the message of living every day to the fullest), and I really did like Plus One, which is another great friends to lovers time. Also, as we know, I am a sucker for Practical Magic. I just like writing stories like these lol

Two: .... don't hate me for this, but spite/determination LMAO. There were fics that I wanted to see/read but couldn't seem to find them... so I wrote them myself!

I didn't really get into reading/writing self-insert until a few years ago, and even then, I was mostly reading the silly/Wattpad-level bad ones with friends as a joke. But, like most things I do, it went from being ironic to unironic really quickly and I thought to myself, "Hey, if these people can do this, so can I!" Most of these stories lived on my notes app and I exchanged them with a single friend. The more (once I realized who and who wouldn't judge me for writing these) friends who saw them encouraged me to publish them. And now I have this burner account lol.

So, long story short: there are just things I wanted to read and I thought "Well, if no one else will... guess I'll have to step up to the plate. "

Not that I think I'm writing anything revolutionary. This is my burner account self-insert blog. My name isn't really Lyn. This is my little secret aka my commitment to the bit is truly... unmatched.

And three: My first ever published fic from this account was inspired by a genuine long-distance relationship I was in at the time (he was also just as tall, and had long hair, but from a neighboring country lol) and being frustrated I couldn't meet them because of the pandemic. So I kind of channeled that want (and even some of the moments we had shared) in there.

The second one in that series was inspired by more real-life experience, as well as a shit ton of tik-toks of plus-size women having shared their experience of more conventionally attractive people trying to flirt with their significant others in front of them. I really wanted to attempt to subvert expectations with that one and say while it might feel good in the moment, constantly being overlooked because of the body you lived in fucking SUCKS.

The third in that series literally came together in a week of just an idea I had that was just like... yeah this relationship is hard... and no one's perfect.. but love, man! I also just desperately needed a vacation IRL lol Plus, a lovely anon kept messaging me about that series and I had the urge to revisit it.

With the most recent one, that angst was actually scrapped dialogue from the third in that series that I just wanted to explore more? Like that one had the end goal of them getting engaged and I knew if I had them genuinely yelling at each other, that engagement wouldn't be earned. So to a blank slate of a couple it went to! Also, lbr, Unreal Unearth is truly so tragic when it comes to its themes (specifically about love) so I pulled from there a teensy bit.

And, then the chaptered one was fully inspired by that tumblr post that was like "He's a sound guy. Shite Craic. Would not have him round for cans, on my life" where they described Andrew as a dude who only mopes and smokes weed. I just thought it would be very funny to make him a bit of a cynical asshole. Plus, I technically have a film degree, and dreams of becoming a professional screenwriter in me, so writing dialogue is my absolute favorite thing. Love silly banter between two people who just need to kiss already.

Again, so sorry for this being so long, but I am a sucker for an ego-boost-filled deep dive.

[alinastracker]

malina week day one — poetry

the sun warm brush, encompassing embrace sphere of energy, burning, powerful a star, brighter than them all

the boy did not understand the day they took her away, marking her, claiming her everything had changed

the girl orphan, grisha myth, folklore, sun summoner everything to him

the boy did not understand when they said her power was gone, why they ever called her sun summoner for when the sun looks in the mirror it sees pale hair, dark, determined eyes

the clouds move in, thunder rumbles the boy stands in the woods feeling lost, hopeless, empty

and then warm brush, a burst of light in the gloom the boy turns, the girl smiles and he is blinded by the light of the sun

[xinnabon]

FIRST DATE W/ ...

# 5WIRL xiao , heizou , venti , kazuha , and aether x gn!reader

cw !! swearing, mentions of kicking a vending machine

please do consider checking out my blog account! i am also taking in requests and it will be gladly appreciated from you to read my pinned post & request in! i'd love to see what you're up for.

a/n: it's just how you and them go out to a date with the location indicated and do all the things you'll ever do together. i think i've been spending about this for at least almost 3 hours now. i'm still not that original with themes or putting up aesthetics in my writing. there's a "don't judge a book by it's cover" for a reason. also, i used some sort of fake text app too because the text wouldn't go as planned in mobile form or so lol.

+XIAO

#1. ever since you asked him on a date, he probably didn't know it was a date in the first place and thought, it was just a friendly meet up.

#2. when he noticed that it was a date, he knew he fucked up. thought you just dressed up pretty well just not to disappoint but really it was all for a date? with his changed clothes from IDOL PRACTICE UNIT 5WIRL, definitely didn't try to impress.

#3. no. it's fine. at least it isn't some fancy place at the 13th floor of a really high and not to mention expensive building owned by some rich businessman or whatever. a normal convenience store. buy a few snacks and ice creams or honestly, whatever.

#4. he loved liked you taking him on a date without him knowing that it really was. you sneaked in a few lies to get him convinced to go with you but i'd say, it was pretty fun half awkward for a bit around just you two together.

#5. after a whole unexpecting date with the two of you, he didn't manage to pay the bill since you insisted yourself to do so, he just got you a cab and payed and bid goodbye.

"i uh... had fun today. i'll be making it up to you next time."

"so. there's a next time?"

"well... if you want."

next time he took you out to a date, he really did outdone himself.

+HEIZOU

#1. definitely those people who asks a lot of questions. hopefully he doesn't ask questions that take to a personal level.

#2. i think you two will hit up at the mall and go on a shopping spree. he pays for what you want, you pay for what he wants. fair enough to the both of you.

#2.0. i can imagine heizou trying out very fashionable clothing on with a few flashes as he appear in each sort of clothing he picked out.

#3. after a few running around in the malls, you two settle down at a table with your nice starbucks beverages. talking about interests, theories from heizou he thinks of that can't seem to get off his head, anything. as long as you two are well-entertained and relaxed with each other.

#4. so, about the starbucks beverages... he told you that something was going on around one of the shops, saying that you should do a favor for him and check it out. when you went out, he hurriedly asked the cashier to put a small note in the cups. at least some sort of small motivation quotes or hints that he's starting to take interest upon you.

#5. when you noticed while drinking your drink, you definitely couldn't stop smiling. he noticed but pretended he didn't know what you were talking about. it was cute.

"the note, heizou! the fucking note! i'm sure you asked to add a note while i was away!"

"oh? i don't think i added that there!"

+VENTI

#1. you guys go out in one of the arcade games in some place. pretty much keeps the conversation running and take on every single game there was in the place.

#2. you two might go to one of those dancing machines. he might be singing out to some of the songs. he definitely pushes you on to the machine just to dance together. take it as that one scene in the karate kid. HA.

#3. so many stuffed toys and other prizes he got from a single claw machine. how does he do it?

#4. you guys definitely buy so much in the prizes using your tickets. nah. you have too many stuffed toys. why not nerf guns for a change? yet a chaotic answer.

#5. after all that chaos you two have been. popping up a few candy bars, energy drinks, so many unhealthy food to cool down. totally wasn't trying to kick the machine vending machine or punching through the glass or putting your arm inside the machine and eventually got caught by guards and took a run for it. it was a fun day. and relaxed with your stuff in "peace".

+KAZUHA

#1. you two took at least a picnic out in a high hill with some pastries, fruits, other kinds of food you crave for.

#2. looking up to the sky, holding hand to hand, pointing which is which. it was going well so far.

#3. a few animals was around and couldn't help but just let them join in and take at least few of the food. why not, right? having them around was pretty cute how they seem to like kazuha.

#4. remember when i said it was going well so far? light rain eventually dropped by and decided to go back to kazuha's place since it's the nearest..

#5. you two were almost there but it's already been pouring real hard. you two held hands and just ran as fast as you two could, soaking wet. you and kazuha reached home and decided to take a warm shower and kazuha lend you one of his clothing for the mean time to stick around. food that you still had back there was sorta soggy. cooked up at least some yakisoba or however kind of meal you prefer, listening to music with each other as the rain continues to pour.

+AETHER

#1. most of the time, he liked listening to your voice. he liked listening to you as you talk. he tries to make an effort to take part in the discussion.

#2. the more you start to talk about him right in front of him, showering so many comments, he couldn't stop smiling. is that what you really think of him? are you joking with him? he honestly can't tell if you're saying all of that just to make him mad, or flustered. mixture of both perhaps?

#3. i think you two might as well order lots of desserts and beverages. he expects that you two together will be up for hours until the cafe is closed around 10PM.

#4. you sneak in a few pictures when he couldn't see you. some were photos of him eating or drinking on what he ordered, talking to a waitress to pick up a few orders, looking at something just so lost of track. you eventually catch his attention when you're done taking in some.

#5. the cute date was really nice. you thought about posting one of the pictures on how your first date go with aether in one of your social medias, but... you can't simply just post in photos without his permission, right? decided to tease him a bit.

huh. must be pretty stunned that you managed to take those pictures. without him noticing too. he didn't reply for the whole night. you sure did want to know. oh well.

[ftm-radio]

how do you know for sure that you’re trans?

i’m struggling so much, my biggest fear is being wrong… and i know i’m only eighteen and i’ve got a lot of time to figure things out, but without other trans people to talk to shit gets hard!

oh, this is a tough question. dunno if I can answer it well, but I'll give it a go.

that fear of "what if I'm wrong?" is so daunting. I know i've had that fear. hell, I'm way more secure in my transness now, but that specific anxiety still wakes up to whisper in my ear now and again.

before i say anything else, I want to put forth a snippet from an @/uncanny-tranny post: "Being trans is an identity, not a diagnosis. There is no slip of paper that can tell you if you're "trans enough" or even if you are or aren't trans." [ full post here ]

At first glance that's just.. massively unhelpful, yeah? Being told that no one can tell you if you're trans is frustrating as all hell when that's exactly what you're trying to figure out. But when you can get past the anxiety and the desperate 'please just give me a straight answer so I can KNOW' feelings that so many of us have probably experienced, you can get this kind of.. freedom and relief.

You are the only person in the world who can answer the question of your transness. That means no one can take it away from you (or force it upon you) and you don't have to fit any stereotypes to really, really be trans. If you say you're trans, you're trans, and that's that until/unless you say otherwise.

Now, back to your original question. How do you know for sure that you're trans? How do you figure it out?

in classic ftm-radio fashion, I will be putting the rest of this under a cut because I don't know how to say things with less words!! but i do try to spare you from that when you're just tryna scroll by, lol

I feel like I say this a lot, but I genuinely mean it: write about it. grab your notebook, journal, diary, loose-leaf paper, digital document, notes app, whatever, and write. have a private little conversation with yourself, and ask yourself questions. Even—no, especially—the questions you might want to avoid. Confront them, don't bury them, because then they'll just grow and make more trouble for you later on.

Try to take your time with this. You don't have to do all of this in one go, you can break it up in chunks if you want. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself. This exercise is just for you, no one else, so whatever you write will not be judged and you don't have to be scared or ashamed of what you feel or whatever conclusions you may come to.

I actually did this journaling exercise myself yesterday! when that anxiety I mentioned before was causing a bit of a ruckus in my brain, this introspection really helped me out. I can tell you some of the questions I asked myself, but you're in no way obligated to use these specific questions and you're free to come up with your own. the goal is to understand how/what you're feeling, so any question that can help answer that is worth asking.

Alright. All that being said, here are some of the questions that I used to explore my gender feelings:

Why did I start questioning my gender in the first place? / What is it that made me think I could be trans?

hey, there had to be something to get this all going. whatever it is, it could be really helpful to go back and reflect on it.

Am I happy with how socially transitioning has changed my life? / Do I want to try socially transitioning?

if the first version of the question applies to you, it could be a good way to check in with yourself and see how you're feeling in the middle of a transition. if you aren't at that point yet, do you want to be? does the idea of socially transitioning appeal to you?

Do I want to medically transition/do HRT? Why?

not every trans person wants/is able to medically transition! saying yes or no doesn't immediately determine if you are cis or trans!

What changes would I want from HRT?

is there one specific change you want? do you want all the possible changes? why do you want them? is hrt the only way to get them?

Are there things HRT would do that I don't want?

you can't really cherry-pick what hormone therapy does or doesn't do for you. there could be some things that dont sound like something you want. maybe it's just a couple things, maybe it's a pretty long list.

Is my desire to transition rooted in internalized fatphobia and/or other body image issues?

I definitely don't think it's *wrong* to want to change your appearance for any reason, but before committing to more permanent changes it could be worthwhile (and possibly healthier for you) to examine why you want to change things about yourself.

Is my desire to transition fueled by internalized misogyny and/or similar biases regarding gender?

i think this is a similar question to the last one in terms of being tough to answer, because it might be something you don't want to admit to yourself, let alone other people. (which is why I will say again that these questions/answers are for you and you don't have to share them with other people!) confronting the flawed parts of yourself is hard, but just having those flaws doesnt make you a bad, irredeemable person. you might have some things you need to work on, and if you can acknowledge that, you can take steps to learn and grow.

Do I (or other people/our society) have biases about [gender] that make me scared to/not want to present/live/come out as that gender?

Sorry if this is phrased kind of weirdly, this is a question i thought of while typing all this. Speaking from my own experiences, I've had some times where the whole "men suck, all men are bad" mentality has caused me to feel some level of guilt or shame for being a trans man, and I'm sure I'm not alone there. this question can apply to all genders in any direction, and it doesn't have to be extreme. like it could be as simple as (for example) "I don't want to be a man because then I'll have to like sports" or "I don't want to be androgynous so im not really nonbinary" or whatever.

Are there aspects of being a trans person that concern/scare me? / Could I be using denial to protect myself from the downsides of being transgender?

being trans can be difficult! it can lead to a lot of changes, and change can be scary. depending on where you are and the people in your community, it can also be dangerous. it's unfair and sucky and i hate that it's true, but it is, and it's something that has to be acknowledged and considered.

ooookay! that's kind of a lot, and there could be many other questions worth exploring, but I think this is plenty to start with. I have been staring at my phone off and on for....... too many hours today so I'm gonna try and finish up soon. But!!!! before I go there is one last thing I want to say.

To the anon who sent this ask, and everyone else (including myself!) who ever feels scared that they may be wrong about being trans, and especially to people who do find that they aren't trans after all: It's okay if we're wrong.

It is okay if we are wrong.

It's okay! Being unsure and making a mistake is pretty dang normal! We are all complex beings capable of growth and change, and our understandings of identity and who we are can change too. And that's not a bad thing! Thinking you are trans and later realizing that you are not doesn't make you a bad person any more than thinking you're cis and then realizing you're actually trans does. Simply exploring your identity doesn't harm anyone, and we need to give everyone that room to explore and mess around without the terror of being wrong.

okay, gonna say goodbye for real now. anon, sorry for the wait & I hope this can help you! everybody else who got to this point, I hope you could also get something good out of this. 💛

if anybody wants to share some thoughts/opinions on anything ive written here, you're welcome to as long as you aren't an ass about it. no hate or gatekeeping or anything of the sort, please. ✌🏻

[isabellehemlock]

The mult question gremlin strikes again Weird Questions for Writers: 2, 11,14 15, 23, 32. You can pick and choose which of them you'd like or not like to answer. Or or mix up the order! Hope it helps distract ya

Hi Wolfie 🤩 Thank you so much for sending me such a fun set of questions from the ask game.

I'll do the first five since I got a second ask for that last one as well 😊

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

I genuinely do not think I could lol. I'm this gif when I'm typing -

I'm literally someone who can talk and look at you while I'm typing 😅 Versus like, by hand would be so slow to a point where my brain would likely grow frustrated by the pace 🤣

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

Oh gosh no - nah, I've never been like the killed and let them stay dead kind of a storyteller. I've had anything from, revived with medical attention kind of comeback death, and the supernatural kind. So sure I have like killed someone in a story, but not for very long and like maybe a handful of times across some fifty plus works.

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

I don't think I can recall lending books to people? I think I've read digitally for a long, long time, so that's probably why - yet somehow I've had people hand me their books and even when I try to give them back they'll be like "Eh I'll pick it up some other time" . . . And then, it's still here years later lol.

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

I'd always feel guilty for writing in books! And yet I love buying a used book and seeing what people have written in margins lol. I've definitely done the dog ear page thing over the bookmarks - mostly bc though I think bookmarks are stunning, when I have carried books around I've dropped so many that yeah, dog ears are better for me. And lol no judgement on my end - everyone gets to consume their content how they wish :)

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

Okay get ready for a lot of numbers lol! . . . So sure, if it's like a one shot I don't necessarily do more than one google doc of like bullet point outline, get most of the dialogue written and then return to the top and write it linear to connect it all together.

However if it's a multi chapter? Oh boy 😅

So, for Endless Ocean, I copied and pasted into the google doc as the plotting DMs unfolded - all in all 19k spread across 104 pages - lots of DM screenshots (so it ending up being 248k on ao3 should not have surprised me as much as it did lol). Now once that plotting was done, I then organized it more - 18k across 34 pages so it would have a nice outline for me to refer back to as I wrote each chapter. Here's the beginning of it:

For Their souls were knit together (and he loved him as himself) - the outline doc with resource notes and links, and basics was 11k spread across 23 pages.

Here's the one for the Cult AU I'm writing after I wrap up some fandom events in October :)

6.2k across 15 pages

Like boy do I love to plan, and I also love Google docs, so -

Thank you for the fun ask! 🤩

[blanketed-in-stars]

10, 15, 16, 22, 38<3

omgggg el thank you!!! this was so fun and i'm super curious what you would say to these as well! i think i only asked you one of these so feel free to lmk your own answers if you want 👀

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

well the first thing this makes me think of is a 3-parter that i started in 2018 and still have only written 1/3 of and honestly will never finish. that sure as shit haunts me. i also think writing can absolutely haunt a person in the sense that when you think you're done with something, you'll still be reminded of it in poems/quotes/art you encounter and interactions you have and places you visit. much like a ghost, often no one else can see it but you.

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

I don't really write in the margins anymore but I do highlight esp. if it's something I've read more than once. I have recently started dog-earing pages but I can't even remember what books I dog-eared them in lmao. I DO read in the bath, I love it. No judgment, books are meant to be well-loved and enjoyed!!! They should show their age and how much they mean to people! And if you keep your books pristine that is also fair, I have a couple that I would never touch lol.

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

If it's just sitting on the table and I need to step away then I've been known to use silverware as a bookmark. If it has to be carried somewhere then the weirdest thing is probably a scrap of bookcloth.

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

Omg noooooo. I use a combo of Google Docs & Scrivener - gdocs is great if I want to write at work, but scrivener is my favorite because of the outlining/structuring power. Currently I have a 41-page gdoc which is 2/3 notes which I FINALLY moved into scrivener in order to force some sense into it. I only recently started seriously outlining most things I write - in the last year and a half I think. Before that it was all pantsing, all the way. I kinda miss that tbh but I just can't hack it anymore.

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

This might not be that weird per se, but it did surprise me that it was so helpful - I recently started writing dialogue-first, to get the scene down as just a script before doing so much blocking/description, and in particular slang-ifying all the lines, particularly if they have really distinct voices and/or use a lot of period language. I'm sure others do this too but I was amazed at how much easier it became to get to the meat of what actually needed to be said (and making it setting-appropriate later) instead of getting bogged down in phrasing.