#I've been older than 23 for quite a while now too

[rainycoat]

I am. I am older than the what's my age again "nobody likes you when you're 23" 23 years oh god

[icouldbeyourprettygirl]

April TC Challenge by @morethanwords0475

Day 1: Happy April Fool's! Have you ever pranked your tc; if so, how did they react?

No :(

Day 2: What is the earliest thing you can remember about your tc?

His voice. I hadn't seen him in person yet, and on the first day I was standing outside his class waiting for the one he was teaching to end. His voice is so deep and honestly kind of intimidating if you don't have the visual to match, like I didn't. I was nervous to walk in there for sure.

Day 3: Do you like your tc's subject? Do you consider yourself to be good at it?

Yeah, I like business classes. I only have to take one or two for my major, and only took two in high school so it's not something I feel super comfortable in quite yet. But having him as my professor definitely helps lol

Day 4: How do you feel about your age gap?

Hm... it depends on the day, I think. 23 years is a lot, at the end of the day. He was a junior in college when I was born, which is absolutely crazy to think about. Obviously I've got a thing for older men, but I feel like a kid around him sometimes, which is not the best feeling. I think if I were a little bit older, it might be less uncomfy. However, he did say something about anxiety and kids having it or something, and he said, "younger than both of us" ?? that's kind of a wide range there, buddy.

Day 5: Have you ever said anything to you tc that showed you favored them? Have they said anything like that to you?

Oh, yeah. I think the first time was a few months ago. We had just finished talking after like an hour and he was apologizing for having me listen to him ramble on and I (accidentally) loudly went, "No!! I really like talking to you." It kinda took me by surprise to be honest, lol. S looked shocked as well. He sheepishly went, "Thanks. I really like talking to you, too."

I've told him that I appreciate all the stuff he tells me (outside of his subject) because it's obviously really helpful, I've told him how sweet and smart he is, so hopefully he knows hahaha.

As for him, he's actually given me a heartfelt speech or two about how much he trusts me and is glad to have me as his student. He also compliments me a lot 🤭

Day 6: Have you ever noticed any small habits they have? If so, what comes to mind first?

After a long stretch of work or a tiring day, he'll sigh and go, "Ohhhh man..." in the same tone and speed every single time. There's more, but they're kinda specific, and if he saw this, he'd know for sure it was about him :/

Day 7: What gift would you like to be able to give them, regardless of if it's realistic or not?

The first thing that came to mind was kinda inappropriate so I'll say something else lmao

Realistically, something related to one of his interests.

Unrealistically, a sailboat.

Day 8: Does your tc ever talk about what it was like when they were still a student?

All the time! We talk about school a lot, obviously, and he offers advice, and tells me funny stories about stuff he did when he was in college.

Day 9: Does your tc have a significant other? If so, what do you know about them, and how do you feel about them?

Yes, he's been married for over a decade. I kind of know a lot about her? Since I knew them outside of school first, I know them personally. I like his wife a lot. She's so kind, smart, and a great mother to their children. Because she's such a warm and loving person, I feel so incredibly guilty for being jealous of her. I'd feel guilty even if she wasn't warm and loving, but that just makes it worse. However, while I don't know what their lives are like behind closed doors, it seems like they're a really good match, and I'm glad they have each other.

Day 10: What is the longest time you've gone without seeing them?

Three months. But that was before I knew I had feelings for him. I knew I thought about him all the time, but I didn't have the same reaction I would if that happened now.

Day 11: What do other people usually think of them?

I'm not really sure. The people I know that know him respect and think very highly of him. But he's told me that a lot of people don't like him because of who he is, and that broke my heart. How could someone not like him? Forget the fact that I didn't like him when we first met- He can be intimidating and come off like he might not like you, but it turns out that he's just shy

Day 12: Do you often make up excuses to speak to them? What kinds of excuses do you like to use?

I usually go with, "Oh! I've been meaning to tell/ask you____" or ask him a question about himself or his day. But a lot of the time, I don't have to, unless it's something specific because he just starts talking when he sees me lol

Day 13: Other than the subject they teach, what are they really passionate about?

He's passionate about politics, computer science, reading, writing, the outdoors, and learning.

Day 14: What is a skill you really wish your tc had?

Playing the guitar. I think guitar players are SO hot and he'd be even hotter if he brought out a guitar and just started playing 🤤

Day 15: Which MBTI personality do you think they are? (If you don't do MBTI, which Hogwarts House do you think they'd be in?)

Idk much about either of these things, and when I googled it, I got overwhelmed with all the MBTI options lol. I do know that I'm an INFP tho. I think I know enough about Harry Potter to sort him into a house? Ravenclaw.

Day 16: if you could go back in time and choose, would you still choose to develop feelings for your tc?

Yeah. He makes my life more exciting, and I really like being with him, so I think it probably would've happened anyways.

Day 17: If it was the last time you would ever be able to see your tc, what is one thing you would never leave without saying to them?

I kind of had a practice run of this question, but it was before I had feelings for him. He was so sweet, and said the nicest things I've ever been told. I, however, fumbled the interaction and was super awkward and almost cried.

If something were to happen now and I wasn't ever going to see him again, I'd thank him for absolutely everything. For the guidance, the support, the kindness, and respect he's shown me throughout the time we've known each other. I'd really want him to know how special he is and how valued he made me feel. Of course, I'd have to give him some compliments for the road, because he tends to doubt himself and I need him to know how incredibly brilliant, talented, kind hearted, funny, and overall amazing he is.

I'd also want to tell him that he's shown me there are genuinely good men out there. The men in my life up until I met him were and are very cold, emotionless, and slightly misogynistic. I knew that there were other kinds of men out there, but he was my first real encounter with one. I'd want him to know that he showed me what I want in a man; one who is compassionate, empathetic, affectionate, progressive, loving, thoughtful, caring, a wonderful father and husband, and as aforementioned, just an incredible human being in all. He's a great person, and I'd need him to know that he's had a very positive influence on me and what a pleasure it's been to know him.

Day 18: When was the first time you cried because of them?

A couple of weeks ago. I'm not someone who cries easily or all that often, so even though there have been a lot of instances where I've felt like crying, it just didn't happen until recently.

However, there were a few instances where he was just so sweet that I was holding back tears, if that counts

Day 19: How well do you think you know them?

I know certain sides of him. I know his interests, his overall lore, and kind of how he thinks and processes things. But I don't know what he's like when I'm not around, or stuff that's more personal? I know personal stuff about him, but only certain aspects, if that makes sense.

Day 20: Do you ever lie to them? About what?

Not very often. When I do, it's usually me telling him that something is going well when it most definitely is not.

Day 21: What is the longest time you've spent with them?

Like all at once or over the course of a day?

All at once, I'd say an hour and a half - two hours.

Throughout the day, not including class, I'd say maybe 3-4 hours?

Day 22: If you have had other tcs in the past (or right now), how are they similar to or different from your current (or primary) tc?

I've only had one other tc, my history professor from last year. I'll call him R. I didn't speak to R, but I really, really liked him. Physically, they're similar? They both have dark ish hair and brown eyes, but R has facial hair. S is taller and just bigger overall. Both of them have deep voices that make me want to listen to them talk for hours.

They're both goofy and the biggest fucking nerds you could ever meet (affectionate), but funny and give off a warm, safe vibe. (Can you tell I have a type?) I've obviously gotten pretty close to S, so that differs, but from a surface level comparison, they're actually kind of similar.

Day 23: Have you ever seen your tc in clothes they don't usually wear? Casual clothes if they wear formal attire or the other way around?

Yes!! I went over to their house during Christmas break, and it was pretty early in the morning. When I walked in, the entire family was still in their pajamas, and he looked SO CUTE. Very comfy and sooo cuddly. I just wanted to climb onto his lap 😭

Day 24: When was the last time they made your heart thump?

Like every time I see him lol. The way he looks at me alone is enough to send me into orbit

Day 25: How do you think your tc would react if you confided in them that you felt sad or stressed or anxious?

Luckily enough for me, I don't have to wonder. We've talked about school stress a lot, and he knows I have pretty intense anxiety. He's given me advice, given me coping mechanisms that have worked for him in the past, and talked me off the ledge a few times when I was super anxious about something specific, like a project. He's been incredibly understanding and helpful, and I'm so thankful to have him ♡

Day 26: What is the best dream you've had of them?

Ohhh boy, there are so many to choose from. I think I dream about him almost every night, if not nightly. I'm also a pretty vivid dreamer, and I feel like I can actually feel the sensations happening in my dreams.

I've had love confession dreams. One where he told me his feelings and knew they were reciprocated, but was trying to work with me to set boundaries for the two of us, which was a real bummer to wake up from.

I had one where he scooped me up and spun me around, and I swear I could feel it. I was so genuinely happy, and he looked like he was, too. His wife, who was watching the whole thing go down, was not very pleased, though. At first he was holding me bridal style and my arms were wrapped around his neck. Then he moved me around and we were to chest to chest, with my legs around his waist 😵‍💫

I've had some where I go to him for comfort, and he provides. My favorite was when I was being approached by two guys, noticed him in the crowd, and ran. When I got to him, I was screaming for him to help me, even though I was in virtually no danger. I wrapped my arms around him and was clutching his shirt in my fingertips (it reminded me of that one pic of Harry Styles during the last 1D concert where he's holding on to them so tightly in their group hug). He hesitantly put his hands on my back, and right before I woke up, he put his lips on the top of my head and whispered that everything was going to be okay. I remember wishing that he'd keep talking because his voice was relaxing me so much.

I had one (that I actually made a post about bc I was in such disbelief lol) where he propositioned us sleeping together. What I didn't include in the post was that he mentioned it several times ??? It didn't end up happening, though, which was sucked for dream me.

I had another where he and I were talking, and he casually pulled his shirt off. I was stunned, and ducked behind the nearest doorway to give him some privacy. He poked his head around to see me, and smirked and said "it's not a big deal" with a sly smirk.

But I'd say 99% of them are pretty cute and wholesome. 10/10 would reenact in real life lol

Day 27: What is the saddest/scariest dream you've had of them?

I don't want to trigger anyone, so I won't go into any detail. But it was pretty scary, and made it difficult for me to look him in the eye the next day.

Day 28: Does your tc ever bring you up to other students/teachers that you know of?

I think so? Some teachers I don't know very well have said to me that he and his wife really like me.

Day 29: Do you see them as being a romantic person? Are you?

Ummmmm, I'm not 100% sure. I'm gonna go with yes, based on a few stories I've heard about him and his wife (from him), but none of them were especially romantic.

I definitely am. I'm the most hopeless romantic person I know lmao

Day 30: How have they changed since you two first met? How have you changed?

When we first met, he wasn't necessarily "standoff-ish", but he came across that way. I genuinely thought he hated me because he never looked me in the eye, barely spoke to me, and when he did, he seemed like he'd rather be doing anything else. I didn't care much for him either, because I just figured he quite literally could not stand to be around me, and that made me feel bad.

Since then, we've gotten to know each other a lot better, he's opened up to me a lot, and we've both become more comfortable around the other.

As for me, I've gotten better at talking to him, I've obviously developed a crush on him, and changed my appearance. I'm in a completely different headspace than I was when I met him, and I'm very grateful for that, because things were not going well for me at the time.

I think we've both just become more open and vulnerable with each other.

[dohyunahn]

last but not least, it's me bear (he/him) again, here with my final muse intro. this here is ahn dohyun, an absolutely beloved muse of mine who, despite having existed for years at this point, i've never gotten to write. he's a 23 year old music teacher at an international school. he's passionate about music, good literature, his family and friends, and baked goods. here you can find links to his profile, and bio. under the cut i'll leave some tldr info about him. you know the drill, please like this post if you'd like to plot!

dohyun was born the 3rd child to an eventual family of 7. he's a twin, though he and his twin brother are pretty different. that didn't stop them from being inseperable as children though. even now he's still exceptionally close to his twin, and he's one of teh very few people in the world that dohyun will ever complain to.

he had a very normal, though slightly poor, youth. with so many kids it was pretty hard to make ends meet, but it never bothered anyone and they all made do. they were always reminded that many people had much, much less than they did

[ tw: parental death ] at the age of 10, his mother fell ill, and wanting to spend what could be her last years with her own family, they moved to seattle, usa where she got intensive treatment that inevitably didn't work. when dohyun was 14, his mother passed away, and shortly after that they moved back to seoul [ end of tw ]

dohyun took on a 'motherly' role in the family after the loss of their mother, despite having an older sister. he was naturally much more nurturing than his siblings and found that looking after them helped him deal with his grief. he also turned to music much more during this time and would play his mothers piano to feel close to her

he sought a lot of comfort in his old best friend who he reconnected with after he got back to seoul and managed to find his happiness again

his grades took a slump around the time of his mothers illness, and passing, but he managed to climb back up to near the top of his class by the time he graduated high school. he went on to college, taking a break midway through for military service. he studied music education with a minor in korean literature, and after graduating in late 2023, he landed a job teaching music at an international school that would begin at the start of the new school year in march 2024

along the way, he and his childhood best friend fell in love (or perhaps that happened even before dohyun moved away; he'd never been quite sure) but they began dating shortly before high school graduation, and though his enlistment came with some bumps in the road, they're still together and he plans to spend the rest of his life with him

dohyun is a gentle giant. while he's gotten pretty 'buff' since his enlistment (he kept up with his exercise after discharge) he'd never hurt even a fly. he's entirely too selfless sometimes, but can be a bit stubborn (almost has a bit of 'mother knows best' attitude)

loves baking and eating baked goods, and appreciates a good hot drink, whether it be tea or coffee, or something else

definitely the kind of teacher who's never seen without a flask of tea or coffee

[prnanxiety]

11/29/23

I was in the cafeteria today, eating a chicken pita or something, when I saw a nurse I recognized sitting maybe 40 feet away. Staring at her phone, texting, etc. I stared at her for a while trying to remember where I'd seen her before. After about 5 minutes of mentally placing her in different situations in my head, it clicked; She was a travel nurse back at my first job as a nurse, during the pandemic.

I remember that job bitterly. The pandemic erupted in the middle of my last year of nursing school, interrupting valuable (and expensive) clinical rotations and replacing them with paperwork. Missing half my clinicals for that reason, then suddenly graduating into the middle of the storm, with all the older nurses quitting from the stress and leaving units dangerously understaffed, and only by new nurses who had no clue what the fuck they were doing. And then the pandemic ends, and suddenly everyone is pissed off that you don't know how to do your job unless the house is on fire, like we all as a nation didn't just collectively limp out of a pandemic together.

Since she was a traveler, she probably expected to do what every other travel nurse was expecting to do in those years; Collect a fuckall fat paycheck and not worry about the house burning down. So if I go up to someone like her and ask her for help, or did I do that right? To someone like her, its a hassle at best. At worst, it's a sign that I'm a bad nurse who doesn't need to be in this field.

Nursing is a whole field that teaches students "Actually everything you learn in school is just the 20% you need to know to make sure you don't kill someone on your first day. You learn everything else on the job." We graduated into a clusterfuck the likes of which the field had never seen before. All of medicine was in "Fuck it, figure it out mode." I actually can't even get into it all right now, not in one post. I've thought about writing a book, actually, but that's neither here nor there.

I just kinda sat there, wondering if I should go talk to her. "Hey, uh, did you work on that unit back then? Yeah? What was your name again? I knew I recognized you!" And then, how does the conversation go from there? "Oh yeah you were really curt with me when I'd try to help you, and you wouldn't talk with me about what I did wrong, you'd scold me for 'stepping on your toes' and then not help me understand. I really wanted to understand, you know. Why didn't you do that?" Or what does she say to me? Is it gonna be "Oh its good to see you!" Or is it gonna be "Oh, you're that moron who should never have been made charge nurse."

I ended up getting up and leaving without saying anything. I don't know how to confront it. It's this prevailing attitude, this curse on the field of nursing that so many people secretly accept, and maybe embrace for reasons I'll never understand. "Being a dick to new nurses is totally acceptable and we should all do it, especially when they're unconfident and nervous and things are going wrong."

Part of me wants to think I'm part of the problem for not reaching out to her, but damn! There was all that time during her contract when I was desperately reaching out to her, and to everyone! If I was a less than optimal nurse back then it was not for lack of effort or care!

It's like she represents this larger problem to me, that if I leave my current unit to go work somewhere else, looking for more skills to add to my repertoire, that I could just as easily land on a unit of people who sees me trying to learn and asking questions as a waste of their time. Maybe I can work with the house on fire, but how can anyone work through this?

Maybe she saw me too, maybe she didn't. Maybe that's why she didn't say anything to me either, actually.

Oh but before I end this entry I want to include something funny about work though actually. A patient at work is delusional and manic and has delusions of grandeur. My man is convinced, absolutely convinced that I am a rockstar, whom he's seen perform, who's just laying low and chilling and not really touring anymore. He was asking me about a video game appearance I made, and how was touring europe? Did you stop shredding? No matter how many times I politely told him he was mistaken, he wouldn't take no for an answer. "Riiiiiight..."

Towards the end of my shift, he asked me to get him some nicotine gum, and I apologized because he asked me for some an hour ago, and I said I'd go get some right away, and got completely side tracked. My bad. So observed, while I was scanning it all for him, "You look like you've had something on your mind this shift." I sighed. He was right, I'd been arguing with a friend on my phone. And I told him "yeah, you know, etc." He said "Look. Listen, when you get home, I want you to sit down, relax, taking a deep breath... And play your guitar." I just had to hand him the gum and walk away.

Hey, this journal is my guitar, maybe.

[curestardust]

Dust Watched: FLCL: Grunge

Genres: Action, Sci-Fi, Comedy // 3 episodes // S01/02 (x) S03 (x)

Ok, but why?

✧  story  & characters ✧

For the basic set-up, let me just copy-paste this part from an older review:

"As usual, we get to witness a coming-of-age story with a lot of weird space shit and mechas thrown in. Mechanical Mechanica is trying to flatten Earth(?), Haru is doing her thing, seducing people and beating up robots while our main character has shit growing out of his head. As I said, the usual."

The 3 episodes follow Shinpachi, Shonari, and Orinoko individually and every episode is tied together by the events that take place on the final night and of course, Haruko's involvement.

Haruko and MM are doing the same thing they've been doing for the every past entry so let's look at the characters and they're... not very good? Or should I say, they don't have enough time for their stories' ending to feel like they really paid off.

Shinpachi is just chilling. He is the son of a sushi chef and that's literally it. Shonari has the most chaotic 23 minutes of character buildng I've ever seen; from the fact that he is an alien which isn't even explained properly, to his brother being an alcoholic Yakuza member, to his bullying, crush on Orinoko, and I could keep going but won't for spoiler reasons. The pacing in his episode was horrid too and I legitimately had no idea what was going on multiple times (not in a FLCL way, but in a "bad writing" way). Orinoko has a pretty interesting backstory but I didn't like the way they wrapped up her story. Despite the emphasis being on "finding your OWN future", she pretty much gets her final decision made for her by the other two. She doesn't oppose it... but she didn't have agency in it either.

✧  art  ✧

Hooooo boy. The fact that it's CGI will already turn a lot of people off but as someone who's watched a few this show is UGLY. I cracked up at the first close up shot of Haruko. She looks so bad, oh my word.

The animation is all over the place quality wise too. It does have a few nice enviromental shots. Some of the character designs were quite creative (and more importantly, worked as 3D models), and I enjoyed the randomly inserted 2D animation shots... although they just looked so much better that I was then disappointed when it went back to the CGI.

Listen, the goofiness, the craziness, the cookiness of FLCL IS here. But the CGI is just hands down not pleasant to look at. Is there worse? Definitely. But geez.

✧  sound ✧

The Pillows is back, and while nostalgia and straight up bangers really carry this whole thing, it carries it *so hard* it almost felt like I was watching an overcomplicated 1.5 hour long music video.

✧  overview ✧

Overall, I didn't hate my (short) time with this but in the end my question is: why? This entire thing felt like an AU for the original. It's references upon references. Which would be fine but it doesn't do anything with it? WHY? We already have the original! Why was this made? Why did it have to be FLCL? A longer runtime wouldn't even have helped here (besides fixing some of the pacing) because I really don't think they had much to say or show that hasn't been done (better) before by the original or even the movie sequels.

Late addition: my score was actually higher as I started writing this coming off the hectic experience of watching... well, any FLCL media, but the aftertaste of this show is worse than I thought it'd be. I had some fun watching it but now the only things I remember are the bad parts.

My Rating: 3.2/10

[thirstybtsthoughts]

Hey bestie, I've been thinking about this lately, and I really wanted the advice of a friend. And also anyone else who wants to chip in and give any thoughts on the matter is totally welcome and appreciated to share their feelings about it.

So there's this sexy wonderful guy that I'm gonna be meeting. He's charming and funny and SOOOO CUTE FR. And he's got nothing but green flags, I know a ton about him, his past, his life, what he stands for, the type of man everyone who has met him or knows him says he is and strongly attests to. He's kinda a celeb, (doesn't really see himself that way, but he's got a highly successful TV show and a huge fanbase). Idk if that would make any difference thinking about age, that's why I mentioned it. (Which I will get to.) I'm gonna be meeting with him soon personally, and I really... wanna shoot my shot. I've known him for a while now, and I've fallen hard for him. And I really, really am into him.

The only thing I'm kinda thinking about is our ages... he's... 23 years older than me. He's basically as old as two of me (I'm 21, he's 46), and... the same age as my parents. And I know that can sound iffy or ick, but you really have to just know this man. He's charming and honestly so young at heart, in a good way. And he's aged phenomenally. He looks so hot, just as hot as when he was in his twenties, and his thirties, oh GOD. 🔥 Its a bit weird for me because although I've had celeb crushes on older men, I'm not into OLDER older guys irl that I would actually want to be with. I personally want to be with guys my age for several reasons (that's just my prefference). It just feels weird about the idea of my parents and him if they were ever in the same place. He's never been married, doesn't have any kids. He's definitely in a different place mentally than my parents. He's also been dating off and on, but just never found the right partner.

I don't have feelings for him because of his age or status, I solely am attracted to a specific, rare personality in men. The way he moves, gestures with his hands, the way his eyes gaze, the way he makes expressions, the way he talks, thinks, acts. And he's just... everything. Everything I want. Everything I've ever wanted. I just... this is the first time I have ever realistically wanted to be with an older man. We love the same things, like, all of them. He's everything I have ever wanted in a man, and the man I fell for, he's just in a body that's older than mine. What do you think about this? I swear, its not a creep situation. I'm really jumpy about any sort of thing like that, and yet, I just feel naturally safe with him. He is a great man.

I talked to my mom about me theoretically being with a man her age, and she said it would be really weird and uncomfortable. Which I agree with and see, it would be if and when they would ever meet and be in the same place. But if its just him and I, we feel the same... I've never felt this passionate about any real man besides Tae, or specific fictional characters. He has CONSUMED me. I cannot get enough of his presence.

He's into me, and I am a fully grown adult. We met as fully grown adults. We met at his work, NOT through my parents or anything related to anyone else. We met, he knows no one else in my family or my friends, because we're friends. Should I do what *I* know I want, and go for it?

Sincerely, "teacup"

Hi, thanks for dropping in 😊.

Tricky situation, I think age doesn’t always matter. My only concern would be that I want you to be careful because you are young and there is a chance he could be using you if he likes you in the same way.

Honestly if it’s something that you both want to try, it’s entirely up to you. People will judge and talk shit but as long as you are safe and happy, it’s your life.

It sounds like you are quite self aware too, which is good because you will need to be in order to protect yourself from potential grooming or negativity.

I hope whatever you choose to do works out 😊.

[lovefromyouryoungmom]

4/4/23

Sofia,

Your dad quit his job yesterday, he'd been there almost a decade. To be completely honest he shouldn't have, we don't have the money for it and rent is two days away. However we pulled everything from his 401k and it should be available soon, I just hope soon enough. I'm saying this in hopes that in the years to come we never find ourselves here again, but I want you to know where we come from. If your dad's new business works out and this leap of faith was the right move, I want you to know it terrified us both.

We've been trying to say when, more often. When things work out, not if. Things have no choice but to work out. When, because the universe doesn't like lying and therefore hopefully won't make liars of us. When, because your future depends on it.

We've been jokingly calling cleaning up after you go to bed "the night shift", but it's less of a joke and more just true. Obviously I expect nothing else, you're only a year and a half, you get to make all the mess in the world- your dad, however. I don't know what I expected, well I do but I don't know why I expected anything different. I hoped he'd quit and come home happy finally and we'd spend at least the first day afterwards together, but he spent all day gone just to go to sleep at 4:30pm while I did bedtime and bath and now the nightshift section of the night.

I hope that things are so different as you read this that what I'm saying is laughable, but sometimes I wonder if your dad was the wrong choice. I'm so grateful to him for you and for giving me the ability to be home with you this long, he's a wonderful dad and I'm sure still is, but as a partner, at least in this phase of life, it's complicated. He's just not right, he doesn't fit where we both hoped he would.

Alternatively though, sometimes I think it's just me, that I have higher hopes and expectations than I should. That the idea of a Disney prince is still lingering. And even farther still, he's a good friend. We laugh often and he tries hard to be the person I want him to be. Or maybe all the pain and mistakes we made because we're so young just put a crack in the middle of everything and I haven't given it enough time to heal yet.

I talk often and loudly about changing cycles and breaking generational curses, but maybe your grandparents believed they would too and even if it wasn't enough, maybe they still broke some curses and that's where I find myself as well. I parent better than my parents but my choice of partner followed that same line of bad partners. I don't mean any of this to slander your dad or twist him into a monster, but if we run from the man he used to be and you find those thorns in yourself later without knowing who he used to be, maybe you wouldn't tell us. Maybe you'd think we couldn't possibly understand when really the vines are there from our mistakes.

By the time you read these we'll have long since told you that your dad was an alcoholic, we'll have done our best to teach you about addiction and how heavily it runs on both sides of what made you possible. You'll know the things he did that he regrets and can't take back as a cautionary tale, but I also know you'll be too young to think of me as anything but a mom- I won't exist in the idea of how hard living the other end of those things was. None of this is for sympathy, I don't want you to hate your dad or hate me, but the other side of the cautionary tale of addiction is how much you hurt the people you love, and frequently, how that pain never goes away completely.

But maybe I feel differently in your time. I'm what now, 42? 43? Older? Tell me, my love, did I get wiser? Am I less incredibly dramatic? Did I do a good job being your mom? A secret from future to past, a whisper, a thought, was I the mom you needed? I have this foggy idea of you, criss cross on your bed reading these and rolling your eyes at how dramatic I was when I was younger. All those times I've probably called you dramatic, I'm sure a phone call or text to tell me I was really the dramatic one isn't far from your mind. I hope you do, I hope you call me and laugh at me and call me ridiculous and I hope I remember standing here, in our kitchen with soap on my hands, KNOWING damn well I am dramatic and knowing that you will be as well. I wonder how close the image in my head is to what's happening right now for you. Do you have someone with you? A partner? A friend? Are you loved and cared for and do you have someone to love and care for? Are you gay? Straight? Asexual?

It's nothing to you, the blink of an eye. But my god my way around is going to be quite long and also far too short all at once. I want to know you so badly. Do you have short hair? Long hair? Did it darken with time? What do you do? Are you in college or a career that you enjoy? Are you happy? I worry about you so much. All the time. Every second of every day and in every dream I have. I guarantee that even in your time you're still in every dream I have. You are so beautiful in yourself right now, I can't imagine how blindingly amazing you are reading this.

I love you so much. I hope you're happy, I hope me and your dad are happy.

I'll see you on the next page my love

[missleismon]

This is a topic that goes in and out of my mind quite a bit, since I crave it desperately and I don't really have the means to do it myself; but I would LOVE, absolutely LOVE a good animated adaptation of the Bible. Live action/real world versions as well, but specifically for the artist in me, I'd like children to have some good Christian content that's engaging, respectful, and true to the Word of God.

The Prince of Egypt is probably the only one that stands up there, animation wise, the second being Joseph the King of dreams. Both of which took certain liberties in how to tell the story in a way that keeps the audience on track with Genesis and Exodus while also providing a sort of subplot that captures the non-religious. At least, I think so. TPE did it better, in my opinion. The art was just lovely and the music phenomenal.

Other than that, though, that's really it. And since I'm such a little stickler for certain details (I think I've made that evident enough whenever I watch the Chosen series 😅🙂), after going back and watching these movies having been older; I realize I desire some things to be...well, a tiny bit more accurate. Really, I'd just like to see what would happen if they followed everything as it were, while still keeping the audience interested with anything extra they needed to add. Of course, those are just my own thoughts, I still enjoy the final products immensely.

There is...Veggie Tales I guess. Even though I didn't watch much of that as a child and didn't pick up on the Christian messages until people began showing it for kid's services. I remember this other series called "The Greatest Heroes and Legends of the Bible," which featured various stories. I watched some of these as a child, and while the memory about some episodes is vague, I did like some aspects of it. It was weird how they always had a little boy narrating to us and occasionally breaking out into song... I like musicals, but I wasn't crazy about his music 😳.

I could go on about how this has always been something I've wanted since childhood, just a good Bible story cartoon that I can love and reference and just be proud of because it shows Christians can be creative too. That we know how to write stories and capture the hearts and minds of others with our skills, honoring God always.

I will end it here since there's work that needs my attention now, and I'm not trying to spend all my time writing about this. Though I see myself coming back to it in the future, because there's much to be said about Christianity, art, and entertainment as a whole.

Sending off with a question: What's a particular portion of the Bible that you would really like to see animated or in a live adaptation?

There's plenty I want to see, but the first one that came to mind is found in 2 Kings 6: 8-23. Elisha's servants' eyes are opened to see the chariots of fire that surround them, and it shows God's divine protection against their enemies. 🔥🗡 This would be so amazing to see in a show! ☺️

[thisaintascenereviews]

The Maine - Self-Titled

Last month marked the 15th anniversary of Arizona alt-rock band The Maine's debut album, 2008's Can't Stop Won't Stop. As an emo / scene 15-year-old kid when that record came out, it hit me in all the right ways, especially for being a prominent album in the "neon pop-punk" scene. That record showcased a lot of promise from the band, incorporating folk and indie-rock sensibilities into their otherwise emo and pop-punk sound, but as I got older, I began liking them less and less. This trend isn't uncommon, as a lot of bands I used to listen to in high school have either broken up, faded into obscurity, or changed their sound (for better or worse, but in most cases, "worse"), and in some cases, transcending the "emo" label that they started off with.

As for The Maine, and where they fall in that wide spectrum, they're a band that I stopped listening to after 2015's American Candy, sort of because of how they changed their sound. I was becoming less and less enamored with them as time went on, anyway, and American Candy was the last straw. As much as I loved their debut, I felt as though they were only getting worse and worse, and that record was a huge step down in quality and creativity. Now that was eight years ago, and since then, they've released another three albums, but I haven't paid attention to any of them. After a few years of being away, they're back with a self-titled album, and self-titled albums are often a means of reinvention, but I don't have any context for what they sounded like before this record. The self-titled album came out on 8/1/23, which holds significance to them for being the number of the parking garage the band always met up in when they started, as well as the name of their record label and their festival.

Maybe it's that I didn't have any context going into this self-titled album, or that I haven't listened to them in almost a decade, but this album pleasantly surprised me in a few different ways. From the band's overall sound to being rooted in 80s-soaked arena-rock / pop-rock, or to vocalist John O'Callaghan improving tenfold on this record, I absolutely love this record. Sometimes an album just hits you in the right way, regardless of what it is, and it could be for a variety of reasons, but most often, the timing just feels right. Right off the bat, this album is a perfect "summer album." There are very catchy, fun, and groovy songs that are great for this time of year. including a couple of songs that will make my favorite songs list of the year, such as "Leave In Live" and "Thoughts I Have While Lying In Bed." The way the band combines 80s-influenced arena-rock / pop-rock riffs with new wave, synth-pop, and electronic textures from time to time really makes this album stand out. Make no mistake, this album isn't unique by any means, but that doesn't mean it hits any less harder. The hooks are impeccable on this thing, especially on a handful of cuts that I really can't get out of my head.

I mentioned a bit ago that vocalist John O'Callaghan has improved greatly on here, and maybe he's improved more on their last few albums, but he was always a vocalist that I liked, but never loved, just for how limited his range was. I gotta say, however, that this sound suits his voice well, and he even has more of a range and more emotion than ever before. The lyrics, too, are quite good, despite being about relationships, and things of that nature, but they're written well this time around, so I can look past the lyrics being rather generic and not the focal point of the album. Their lyrics have always been either decent or really bad, and their debut album is good indication of that, but the lyrics on this record feel more mature, reflective, and more introspective than I've heard on previous albums, albeit in a somewhat vague in a relatable kind of way, but there are a lot of clever, interesting, and enjoyable lyrics throughout this record.

There's something to be said about listening to a band that you either used to love more than a decade ago, and that you've either forgotten about, or fallen out of favor with, and really enjoying their new project. I had no idea what to expect with the self-titled, and it's a wonderful little record. Of course, it helps that this album is only 36 minutes, so it's a breeze to get through, and that's a perfect length for a record like this. I'll even go as far to say that this is one of my favorite albums of the year, because of how slick, catchy, fun, and groovy this thing is. It just hits me in all the right spots, and I would never have guessed that the new album from The Maine, a band I haven't thought of in a decade, give or take, would be one of my favorites of this year. That just goes to show you that bands can surprise you, even when you least expect it, but that's the beauty of music.

[peachychxn]

sugar daddy

↳ pairing — hard dom!changbin x gn!reader publish date — 01 . 10 . 2021 warnings — nsfw , oral [ m.receiving ] , degradation , cream pie, no foreplay, master kink summary — going on a sugar daddy site you thought about meeting a 50 year old man surprised to see a handsome 23 year old man instead note — English is not my first language so excuse me for any mistakes :D I've had this thought for a while, those guns are the reason. masterlist | kinktober 2021

Being a college student was hard. People say that college is way easier than high school, but though people were more mature and most of the teachers were quite nice to everyone, the new things to learn were getting to you, along with the troubles of money. You needed money for transportation to your college, you needed money for the textbooks and the tuition fees.

Working two jobs being payed minimum wage wasn't fulfilling your needs. You could hardly pay the fees. You were the only child of your parents and they were retired so you were carrying your parents as well as yourself. It was getting too much for you.

Present day, you walked into economics class and saw your friend felix there. You'd spend time together here and there, he was a bubbly kid and you loved his energy.

"man why you so stressed out for?" felix asked after seeing your ruined state. You groaned, as much as you loved this kid you also found him very annoying... in a loving way :D

"you need to get some good dicking" he said shrugging "FELIX!" you slapped his shoulder "its true!" he said giggling. "Money problems?" you nodded your head as he spoke "a sugar daddy would be nice" you said jokingly. "then get one" felix spoke seriously "what lix- I was kidding" "I know but you need the money and some dick"

—

"what am I even doing here" you said as you clicked out of a sugar daddy site. Overthinking about felix said in the morning you absent-mindedly scrolled here. You didn't like the idea of using someone for money or being intimate with someone 20 years older than you.

"hey lix" you said over the phone "are you umm experienced with the sugar daddy stuff?" you asked him nervous "ARE YOU REALLY TAKING MY ADVICE?! OH MY GOSH- uhm I'm not experienced but I've heard a lot of stories with a positive view..." he trailed off.

"ok thank lixie, see you later I have to go" you bid your goodbyes and get off your break and continue working at the library. During your librarian shift you've been thinking a lot about it. You may not quite like it but things were difficult and desperate measures call for desperate times. That's how you ended up on the same site with stories about how people are now married and living a happy life with the people they found on this app.

Scrolling through people's profile most of them having cringe stuff written in their bio's. Until you reached upon a profile that had a young handsome man, maybe around your age with a simple bio. You liked the simplicity and clicked on it. His bio made it look as if he was kind off shy to do this.

A few minutes later he messaged you coming to know his name is changbin and he's 22 the same age as you. You introduced yourself and both told each other stories of how you ended up here, he was dared by his friends to get a sugar baby when you were just looking for some money to pay off your college expanses.

It wasn't at all like a sugar daddy site to you, no explicit things were being shared just small heartfelt talks, it reminded you of the days in high school with your first boyfriend who'd talk so lovely with you until he got rotten though.

—

Fast forward, its been a few months since this has been going on. You guys have facetimed and he's helped you with your finance issues as well. It was all going great, you guys even decided to meet up, he bought you a ticket to Korea and you met him there while on a 2 month summer break from college.

You guys went on cute dates even hanging out with the boys names chan, minho and jisung who dared him to come on the sugar daddy site. Changbin didn't look someone who would be shy at all, he was muscular and looked fine as fuck but the way he talked was full of giggles and little smiles. A few weeks after you arrived there you were in changbin's apartment watching a movie. It wasn't like yours. His apartment was spacious and modern with an amazing view as it was on a high floor.

You were on his couch while he was getting some drinks from his freezer. "ah shit, I don't have anymore drinks" he sighed "its ok bin, I saw a popsicle in the freezer you can bring that" you said as he smiled. He bought you the orange flavored popsicle as he sat down with water in his hands. The movie continued and you started eating your popsicle.

Changbin took glances of you while watching the movie. When he saw you eating your frozen treat he couldn't help but think dirty. He kept on blushing while trying not to stare at you. Poor boy already had a boner and was trying to hide so it wouldn't make you uncomfortable.

A funny scene came on the screen and you were dying from laughter, one thing he loved about you. You'd laugh at the most stupidest jokes and especially his jokes. You slapped your hand on this thigh trying to wipe your tears and plopped on his lap, your cheek in line with his boner.

He rapidly tried to get you off his boner, "what-" you said wheezing until you realized the thing poking your cheek wasn't his finger that was so close to your mouth. "oh" was all you could say, changbin being too embarrassed to look into your eyes

"you need help with that babyboy?" you asked thinking he'd most likely want you to be the dominant one, but oh boy were you wrong. As soon as he had permission from you he unleased the beast.

"oh you think I'm a bottom?" Changbin smirks as he hovers on top you lips really close to his. "well you act like one" you whisper quietly, not even sure he heard you, "may I?" is what he said as he leaned closer and closer until you gave him permission, once you did he was all up in your face, kissing your lips. You two were down each others throats like horny teenagers'

Your grab the back of his neck pulling him in closer lifting your hips to meet his. "lets continue this somewhere else" he whispers in your ear as you get up embarrassed at the very visible wet patch.

As soon as you get in the bedroom he pushes you onto the soft bed and starts to make out with you. "please" you plead tired of his teasing "please what baby?" he cheekily whispers he says as he continues his penetrations to your chest and collarbones.

"ruin me please" not a bit of embarrassment being shown, "oh is that what you want? you little slut," you whimper at his words "you like it when I speak to my horny mutt like that hmm?" He grabs your head as he makes you kneel on the floor face in front of his dick.

"go on, show me how much you want master kitty" He says as you pull down his sweatpants licking your lips as you see his outlined cock in his boxers. He's already fully hard average length but very thick, he's groomed well and his tip is pink and shiny from the pre-cum.

"mm~ delicious" you say to rile him up, kitten licking his tip. Putting your mouth around his tip sucking lightly. you pump the rest of his length with your hands. Putting your tongue on his slit you look up into his eyes. He's looking down on you or at least trying to. Biting his bottom lip to not let you have the satisfaction of hearing his lewd noises. He pulls you off his dick by your hair. "get up slut" he instructs.

You do as he says and let out a squeal when you are thrown on the bed, "I don't think you need foreplay darling" he smirks. Lining his cock with your hole. He slowly thrusts in making sure not to hurt you. "faster master" your moans getting louder as he pounds mercilessly into you. "ahh~ such a beautiful slut, all for me hmm" you whimper at his possessiveness. "AHH m-master I'm cl-CUMMING" you scream out loud.

As soon as you said that, you came at once, Changbin's grip on your hips tightening, thrusting at an ever faster speed. He loved having you under him so pretty and for him to control, he could see all your lewd expressions and perfectly hear your whines from this position.

"t-too much" you whimper from the overstimulation "nearly there darling, hold on" he says as he finally cums inside you letting out a high pitched whine. Sex with him was the best, and you better believe this will happen a lot from now own even when you don't need anymore money.

[johnsamericano]

𝓓𝓪𝔂 7:

тєи ℓєє

23 days of NCT masterlist.

taglist: @notbeforelong @curieouscapt @whathamelon @unknown5tar @ajhdr @silent-potato

warnings: the reader is soon-to-be engaged to someone 12 years older, virginity loss, extreme lack of experience from the reader, dirty talk, Ten’s a sweetheart 😭

“He’s here!” Your mother clapped her hands excitedly, asking the butler to answer the door.

You sat with both hands squeezed on your lap. You’d never seen a male tailor, let alone be dressed by one. Would it be uncomfortable? Just as your mind was about to drift away, a man with at least four rolls of fabric entered the room.

“Good evening, my lady.” Was he even real? He looked straight out of a painting, just like the ones hanging on your wall.

“Good evening, sir.” You bowed your head gracefully, just like you'd been taught to do.

“There’s no need to be so formal.” He smiled cheekily, his eyes disappearing just the slightest and making your heart flutter with excitement. “Let us have a seat and chat a little about what kind of dress you'd like.”

Everything went so naturally with him, from sitting down and talking about the event you'd be wearing the dress to, to his hands surrounding your waist, taking your measurements.

“I was thinking of something white, my lady. After all, the goal is to get a certain gentleman to ask for your hand, isn't it?”

“How did you...?”

“Your mother is quite a chatty lady.” You sighed. She certainly had trouble keeping things a secret, the whole town probably already knew by now.

“Then I guess you already know we've known each other since we were kids, well, since I was a kid. He's twelve years older.” You sounded so excited talking about that guy that it made him smile. “Are you married, sir?”

“God, no!” He was quick to explain. “I want to devote myself to work, that's what makes me happy.”

“But imagine yourself, waiting for your beautiful bride at the church, ready to join your lives for what is left of them. Just to think about it gives me goosebumps.” To him, what you'd just said sounded like agony. Dedicating himself to another person for the rest of his life? He’d rather jump off a cliff.

“I just don't think I'm good husband material, that's all.”

As the days passed by, you got to know him better. He’d often tell you about his job, how many dresses he'd confectioned that week, how much money he'd earned, every single little detail of it. He made it sound like a dream, he spoke so passionately about it that you wondered whether you'd ever find something that would make you feel that same way.

“Good morning, my lady.” He kissed your knuckles, a devilish grin extending through his lips as he admired your flustered face. “I’ve got a surprise for you.”

He extended a big, white box with a red velvety ribbon keeping it closed.

“That was fast!” You opened it to reveal a pretty, lacy dress. It was exactly what you’d asked for, but then why did you feel so sad?

“What is it, my lady? Do you not like the dress?”

“No! I love it.” He smiled, pulling out the dress from it’s confinement to let you have a better look at it. It was, indeed, beautiful.

“Would you like to try it on?”

You soon found yourself behind a room divider, slipping the soft dress on. The texture was marvelous, like wearing a cloud. It would definitely draw Johnny’s attention, that’s for sure.

“How do I look?” You stepped out, spinning around to let his critic eyes have a look at his masterpiece. He squinted his eyes as if he wasn’t pleased. “What is it?”

“Your corset.”

“Huh?”

“Truth to be told, I knew this dress wouldn’t work with a traditional corset, so I might have made a special one for the occasion.” You walked to the full body mirror, taking a look at yourself.

“It looks fine to me.”

“You look too innocent, my lady.” You furrowed your eyebrows, eyes connecting with his through your reflections. “This dress wasn’t made to make you look innocent, but to make you look like a sophisticated, upper class woman.”

You went through your options and finally decided to listen to the expert.

“Do you happen to have that corset at the moment?”

“Yes, but the problem is, only I know the right way to adjust it. Would you be okay with me doing that?” You could feel cold sweat running down the back of your neck.

Only your mother and some servants had seen you naked, but never a man. It wasn’t supposed to happen unless the couple was married. However, you felt the urge to accept his proposition.

“A-alright.” He nodded, keeping a straight face as he started undressing you.

He slowly started undoing the ribbon that kept your corset in place. Still in front of the mirror, you could see his concentrated features, not looking at anything but your back. Your mounds were finally liberated, and for a split second, you could see the tailor’s eyes staring at them.

“Raise your arms please.” Was he really not going to do anything? This was the part when the two main characters exchanged a heated session of kisses according to the novels you'd read. But he kept the same stoic face all the time.

“Ten?” This was the very first time you'd called him by his real name, well, his nickname.

He didn't seem bothered by it, concentrated on adjusting your corset.

“Yes, my lady?”

“Am I not attractive?” His hands accidentally tightened the ribbons too much, making you wince.

“Sorry.” He apologized, loosening the piece of clothing. “But why are you asking me this?”

“Well...” You were ashamed to admit it, but your curiosity got the best of you. “Aren’t men supposed to go wild over breasts? At least that's what I heard.” Ten would've never expected such an inappropriate comment from you, though he couldn't say he didn't like that new boldness of yours.

“I guess so.”

“Then why didn't you go wild over mine?”

The room was filled with nothing but silence for a couple of seconds before he finally found an appropriate answer for your question.

“I’ll ask you something first.” you nodded. “If you knew men had a thing for breasts, then why did you let me do this?” You would've liked to say that it was because you deeply trusted him, but you both knew that deep down, it wasn't completely true.

“I don't know.”

“Did you want to seduce me or something like that?” You were about to reply, but his deep laugh interrupted you. “Well, since you answered my question, I shall answer yours.” he finally finished adjusting your corset, placing his hands above the curves of your waist and leaning down to whisper something. “You have the most beautiful breasts I've ever seen. They look round and soft, the perfect size to hold them with my hand. But I can't allow myself to go wild over you, not when you're about to get engaged to someone else.” So the things wrote in novels weren't entirely fantasy, things like that did happen in real life. “Trust me, I wish nothing but to pinch those pretty, perky nipples and have you begging for more. But we can't.”

“Yes, we can.” With a newly found courage, you guided his hands up until they reached your mounds. They did, in fact, fit perfectly between his hands.

“My lady-”

“Y/n.” You held his hands against your warm body. “Please, my name is y/n.”

“Stop playing with fire.” His voice had become lower, hands shaking the slightest under yours.

“I want you to play with me, Ten. Use me, do whatever you want with my body. Alleviate the ache I'm feeling between my legs.” That was his breaking point.

His expert fingers quickly undid the knots, allowing his hungry eyes to have a look at your naked torso.

“Touch me.” he turned you around, so you were directly facing him.

“So greedy.” His hands covered your chest once again, this time with no fabric in between. His palms felt so warm against your skin, you couldn’t help but sight. “Tell me, how does your little cunt feel?”

“I-I’m sorry?” His right hand went down, rubbing circles over your undergarments. Immediate relief washed over your body.

“Do you know what an orgasm is?” You shook your head, gasping as his fingers pinched your hard nub. “It’s the only way to relief the ache you feel here.” He tapped your entrance with his middle finger, feeling your wetness under his digits.

“How can I have one?”

“You’ll have to trust me, alright?” His dominant demeanor had changed to a softer one, kissing your jawline as hands sneaked inside the fabric, a new, pleasant feeling making your legs shake. “How does this feel?”

“Nice.” He retrieved his hand, you whined at the loss of contact. “Hey!”

“Jump.” He instructed, lifting you up with both of his hands below your thighs. He guided you all the way to the nearest wall, your back pressed against the concrete surface. “Sorry for this.” He muttered before ripping your undergarments apart.

Skillfully, he lowered his pants, his hard member springing up. The moment his tip started slipping into your whole, an immense amount of pain made you scream.

“Stop!” Ten frowned, pulling away but still holding you against the wall.

“Have you changed your mind about this?” There was a hint of pain peeking through his voice.

“It hurts a lot.” As if to back up your words, a small tear rolled down your cheek.

“I know, sweetheart. But that's the way it's supposed to be.” If it hurt so much, then why did people do it so often? “You just need to get used to it and it'll start feeling better, I promise.”

“Really?” For you, it didn't make any sense.

“We can stop whenever you want, just give it a try.” You hesitantly nodded, letting him align with your entrance once again. “Deep breaths, darling.”

It was the worst pain you'd ever felt, even worse than that time when you fell off a horse. But just like the tailor had said, that unpleasant feeling was soon replaced with something else...something that made your tummy feel warm.

“You're doing so well.” He praised as if he wasn't the one doing all the hard work while you held onto his shoulders. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I need to pee.” You gasped, letting your head rest against the wall.

“Don't hold it back, darling. It means you're close.” His large hands caressed your sides, holding you tightly.

“Ten...” You whimpered, biting his clothed shoulder to stop yourself from screaming in pleasure. Something inside you exploded, making your body shake in ecstasy.

“Y/n.” You both whispered your names, pleasure taking over your minds.

“May I kiss you?” There was no response from him, his length still pulsating inside you. “If you don't want to that's-”

“Kiss me.” Your lips came closer to each other, barely millimeters away when a loud knock abruptly interrupted the moment.

“Miss y/n, Mr. Seo is here to see you.” Johnny, you'd completely forgotten about him.

“I guess you better get dressed.” He pecked your cheek, setting a fire inside you.

“I'm sorry.” He helped you put on your dress again, smiling at the sight of you trying to stop your and his essence from dripping down your bare thighs.

“Don't be.” Ten fixed your hair, proceeding to gather his stuff before sending a wink in your direction. “I guess I'll see you in a week to help you get dressed...my lady.”

[jademakean]

𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐲 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

Timothée Chalamet x Reader

𝑷𝒂𝒖𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔.

｡･:*:･ﾟ

  Drizzles of water began coating your body as you rushed to your best friend's porch, hurriedly knocking on the wooden door.

The extra holiday break from school allowed you to spend more time with Pauline, meaning: chaotic sleepovers

“Hello?”

You looked up meeting a pair of green eyes you hadn't seen in a long while. “Timothée?”

Once the slender figure came to the realization of who was waiting at his front step, his mouth went agape mirroring yours.

You both had been close since you were little. You became friends with Pauline in middle school and met Timothée through her. From then on you were a trio and would do everything together, but that all changed.

Him, being three years older than you meant that he'd go to college first and in the end, there would simply not be any time for you both to be together. You did try to hang out once every two weeks but his college was way too far and he needed to spend his time focussing on his studies. It ended in a bad note, with many hurtful words shared.

Before you knew it, Timothée had you in bone-crushing embrace  “I haven't seen you in months, more than a year maybe! God, I missed you.”

“Why didn't you tell me you came back?” you couldn't hide the slight disappointment of him not thinking about letting you know. “I wanted to but I switched phone numbers and my sister wanted me to surprise you instead. I just didn't know I was going to see you this soon.”

Though you both shared your relief in seeing each, there was some strange tension in the air.

“I gotta visit my aunt right now but we should celebrate tomorrow or something.” He suggested, breaking the silence.

“Yeah totally. I'm sleeping over anyways so we'll probably see each other after dinner. Just be careful, the weather seems to be getting worse.”

“Oh yeah of course. If you need some clothes you can get some from my room, they're in a box on my bed. I know that Pauline's clothes are too small for any human being to wear.”

You giggled at his over-exaggeration nodding “Thanks. Stay safe.”

Once the door shut you felt your mood change. It's not like you weren't happy to see him, you were, but not being able to have the same connection you once had made your heartache.

“DJ Paulina in the house mother fuckers!”

You jumped at your best friend's sudden outburst but laughed nevertheless.

“Holy shit, you're wetter than the pacific ocean!”

You roller your eyes “Really? Damn, I wonder why. It's alright though, Timothée allowed me to borrow one of his shirts.”

“Wait you already saw Timothée?”

“Yeah, he just left.”

Paulina grimaced slightly knowing how hard it might've been for two introverts to reunite after a long period of time, let alone after they had a fight last time they were together. She quickly changed the subject not wanting to upset you.

That didn't mean she wouldn't plan on rebuilding your bond.

۵

The snaps of thunder kept you awake and the heavy drops of rain overtook your mind.

As the time pasted you began wondering what would happen if there was a monster under your bed, if a ghost yanked you by your leg, or if the shadow of the hanging coat was actually a person.

Full-on scaring yourself.

And Pauline's sleep talking was not helping the situation.

Both of you spent the day baking, eating and watching movies. Though it's not how most teenagers take up the opportunity of an empty house, it was more than enough for you two.

What was irritating you at this precise moment was the fact that you were exhausted during the day and still are, except you, can't bring yourself to actually fall asleep.

Creaking sounds were heard throughout the room as your feet made contact with the wooden floor.

You grumbled making your way to the kitchen for a cup of fresh cold water.

The bright electronic clock on the stove displayed the time. 2:23 A.M.

You were so dazed and distracted by the clock that before you could fill your glass with water, the cup fell on the counter.

You felt your heart stop the second the loud sound emitted throughout the quiet space, fearing you'd break your best friend's parent's glass. But once you realized that everything was still stable, you proceeded to finish your plan.

“What are you doing still awake?”

Your body jumped at those words. You turned to see Timothée with hooded eyes and slumped figure, clearly more than half asleep.

“Sorry, I'm a light sleeper and the thunder was keeping me awake.”

“Do you want to sleep with me?”

He smiled softly with a droopy gaze

Not gonna lie, initially some inappropriate thoughts crossed your mind, but vanished once you remembered how every time you had trouble falling asleep, you'd get in his bed and he'd make conversation until you fell asleep.

“Sure.”

Timothée was probably too out of it to understand why it had taken you so look to answer, which you were grateful for.

He lazily intertwined your fingers and led you to his room.

It looked the same as before, maybe some items we're missing so he'd be able to decorate his new apartment, but other than that, still the same.

You hesitantly laid down turning your body away from the curly-headed boy. You felt yourself heating up as last time you shared a bed you were a quite innocent 15-year-old, and to be fair you've always seen him as a bother figure.

But two years have passed and he was now 20, it felt like being with a stranger even though he wasn't.

“You alright?”

He mumbled quietly

“Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.” You chewed your lip anxiously. You've never been good at confronting people.

“Is there a reason why you got mad at me when you left. All I remember was you telling me how we couldn't be friends because of all the work you had and how you couldn't handle too many things at the same time. But in the end, you suddenly got mad at me and it ended in a huge fight.”

You could tell that Timothée was now fully awake, definitely not expecting you to mention the topic at this time of night.

“Well, in all honestly I knew you wouldn't want to give up on our friendship. I've always seen you as a loyal strong friend and I didn't want to disappoint you by continuously bailing out on our plans.”

Thought his solution was a stupid one, you understood what he meant. You would most definitely get let down many times and eventually get mad at him, even if it wasn't fully his fault.

“I understand. Just-- Just don't do that again. I'd rather have a relationship with you even if we rarely saw each other, instead of not seeing you at all. I miss being with you.”

Timothée's heavy arm hugged you closer to him. So close you could feel his gentle heartbeat against your back.

“I'm not as much of a mess I was back in the first year of college. I have more spare time, even if college is too far we can face time and meet once a month.”

It was nice to witness his change in attitude regarding the situation, he's now more open-minded and optimistic.

“Is that why you seemed so tense when you saw me today?”

You suddenly felt yourself redden from slight embarrassment “I mean yeah. I kinda overreact a lot, but you know that. I didn't even recognize you, you've changed and I didn't know how to feel.”

You felt chest shake from a deep chuckle as you played with his fingers “Is that a good thing?”

He was making you flustered and he knew it.

“I mean, yeah. You look mature for a 20-year-old. When you were 18 you still had your baby face- it's not a bad thing at all, but now you, um, okay I'm just going to stop talking.”

Once again, Timothée's body shook slightly from his laughter which eventually died down.

There was silence once again, the downpour was hitting the window aggressively but managed to make you feel calm. The heat that radiated from the man's body was wrapping you in a warm blanket, his cold breath tickling your neck.

“How do you see me?

The silence was halted by your simple question “What do you mean?” his raspy voice asked, not understanding the question very well.

“Before you said that you saw me as a loyal friend. How do you see me now?”

Timothée turned your body to face him “Well, you've changed as well. You don't look like a little kid anymore.”

You hummed in response staring into his eyes. The moonlight was shining through the window behind Timothée, illuminating his hair, making it look as though he was wearing a halo around his head.

“Has anything interesting happened while I was gone? House renovations, dead grandma, boyfriends..?”

You had to cover your mouth from bursting out laughing “How the hell do you go from dead grandma to boyfriends?”

The boy shrugged his shoulders waiting for an answer “I had a boyfriend for a little while but it didn't work out.”

Timothée nodded for you to keep going

“He treated me differently when we were around his friends, kinda like he didn't want me. We would get into a lot of arguments and I just wasn't happy. So I ended it.”

He took your hand caressing it carefully with his thumb. You knew he was trying to make you feel better though you weren't actually sad about the breakup. You decided not to say anything against it since his action-filled your heart with butterflies.

“He's an asshole for doing that.”

“Yeah well, most of them are.”

There was a small pause in the air before Timothée spoke up again

“I wouldn't do that to you.”

You were taken aback from his sudden confession. You expected him to joke around about some dumb stereotypes.

“If you were my boyfriend, or just in general?” you asked genuinely curious to which he answered:

“Both.”

You being the anxious human being you are, decided to play it off as a joke. Like always.

“Yeah right, you would never date me, you might as well be one of those extra frat boys that-”

“Why would you assume I wouldn't date you.”

You were becoming more and more agitated, not fully grasping the meaning of his words, and why he was now saying it.

“I've always adored you. The reason why I never said anything is because I'm three years older than you and didn't want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Why are you saying this now?” You shuttered out as he moved closer to your body.

“I didn't realize how much I loved you until we separated. Now I'm realizing how much time I wasted.”

Timothée began breathing heavily, his eyes focusing on the different features your face held.

“Would you date me now?”

He nodded, not trusting his voice to speak. “Even if we wouldn't see each other often?”

He nodded once again, this time speaking “I haven't seen you in two years and I still have feelings for you, they won't go away even if I tried.”

Timothée let his fingers gently brush against your lips studying them thoroughly making your mind hazy.

You were so focussed on each other that the background noise was now muffled.

Your mouths were agape wanting one thing and one thing only.

“Can I kiss you?”

He whispered breathlessly. If he wasn't studying you so closely he would have missed your little nod.

But he didn't miss it.

The second the small gesture was caught, was the second his lips made contact with yours.

The kiss was heated and desperate, your eyebrows furrowed hopelessly from the connection. Tongues soon intertwining as Timothée held himself on top of you for better control of the situation. Not giving you room to escape.

You sighed through your nose not being able to break from the kiss, not wanting to break from the kiss.

His front pressed flush against yours, allowing his hands to travel all over your body with no hesitation.

You mumbled Timothée's name against his lips before you broke apart. “Did I go too far?”

You smiled at his worried state “No, I loved every second of it.”

He copied your smile resting his forehead on yours “Sorry, I could help myself.”

He laid on his back before you cuddled to his side, leg wrapped with his and head resting on his shoulder.

Timothée observed your crimson cheeks and swollen lips. He wanted to tease you about it but he knew damn well that he looked the exact same.

Sleep eventually took over you. The soothing sound of the storm was the last thing you heard, and the motion of Timothée's chest calmly rising and falling was the last thing you felt.

[thethreemages]

W o o o oo, been way too long since I posted-much art-wise... let alone anything of Aevri's own sister Elody either (whom I originally debuted here) T-T. Didn't mean to keep this lil sweetie hanging forever, so recently I've decided to give her a whole new makeover to breathe some new life within her role in TTM 🥺💙 Hope you all enjoy learning more about her again! x3

(Her Bio Info can be found below, as well as on my DA as well~)

(Bio Info): Elody Ren (age 23) is the firstborn daughter of the late Ryu and Megami Ren, as well as the older sister of Aevri Ren by five years. Born within the calming village of Yulong, Elody was seen as a "gifted child" for not only her early-shown prowess as a Healer mage, but for possessing the rare sub-ability known as "Empath" magic. Within history, Empaths were known for being able to spiritually connect with someone through their emotions and memories in a much deeper level than any average human... giving Elody the status of a Saint-like figure within her community as she grew older. Everyone turned to her for help in fixing the issues in their lives, from small tiffs to bigger personal dramas... a routine that soon grew weary on the girl as she simply wanted to live life like anyone else her age (even with her natural-born wisdom/maturity)  Luckily, she at least had a temporary break once she attended St. Ravilda's and graduated into a traveling mage group (including Hakem and a couple others)... but tragically, upon being given the news of her parents' untimely passing, Elody found herself moving back home to be there more for her little sister. At the same time, the villagers would see less and less of Elody through each day... as she simply didn't wish to be burdened by their emotional troubles in a time she needed to handle her own grief...  Nowadays, with her sister leaving the nest to start her own mage group... Elody spends her current time as a lone healer far off from modern society, only ever coming down to the village for brief supply runs and nothing more. Each day she worries for the fate of Aevri to keep safe out in the dangerous world of Terra... yet Elody's own heart can't help but want to stay behind to give aide to any other wandering traveler nearby. It doesn't matter where they came from, what they look like, or if they might be a bit "uncouth" on the surface, as long as she can sense that they need her, Elody's right there to give them the helping hand... no matter what.   ----------------- (Fun Facts): -Elody's name was primarily derived from "melody", fitted from her late mother's past career as an opera singer. With Aevri being more of the singing-type herself, Elody's (ironically) more preferable to dancing.  -With her Empath ability, Elody has a habit of randomly psychoanalyzing people on a whim when no one expects it (think Dawn from "Total Drama" in that sense)... leading to quite a bit of awkwardness on both parties.  -While not always known to happen between non-twin siblings, Elody and Aevri share their own form of an "aura bond" with their similar Healing magic. As much Aevri once grew up jealous of all the attention and praise Elody got in favor of her... by now there's no doubt of how much the two truly care for one another. All Aevri wishes for is for Elody to recognize that she doesn't need to "parent" her all the time... that simply being a sister is more than enough for her.  -While it may not look it at first glance, Elody's not quite a pacifist as it may seem... as in fact she's actually trained up well in the art of halberd-wielding. Having picked up this battling style from her early teens (namely to avoid potential bullies/creeps), Elody had inspired this drive in Aevri to keep standing her ground (via-wielding her magic shields as throwing-weapons) in a world normally unfair to Healer mages.  -On her off-days from healing work, Elody can find herself spending her pastimes tending to her garden, hanging out with her beloved cat Snowie (whom she rescued as a kitten), meditating, and puzzle-building with some old sets she collected (but never got to complete) as a girl.  -Though still pretty isolated from her home villagers, Elody does her best to at least stay in contact with her sister and old school friends (often through use of letters delivered by Elody's messenger doves, another of the many animals she tends to raise & look after).  -On one fateful night, Elody had an encounter with a grizzled young man known as "Anveil" (Mod Magz' OC)... whom Elody

was somehow able to look past his intimidating visage & background enough to hear him out on his troubles. As much as the world of Terra doesn't speak the highest of this man, there's a part of Elody who feels like there's more to Anveil than what meets the eye... if only he's willing to take that step to change himself.

[mettywiththenotes]

There's actually 2 but the one is pretty reasonable

The crack one is Mera and Centipeder. I just. It's a thing. I needed someone to write as a pairing for Centipeder in the future of one of my fics and it just sort of happened. The dynamic tho is Juuzou (Centipeder's name is Juuzou Moashi) being oblivious as Yokumiru pines and drops subtle hints of interest but he's too tired to put much effort into it bc he's either busy or exhausted.

Will they ever figure it out? Who knows?

The other is Yokumiru with Tomie Takami. So, hear me out, they are in the same age group probably. Yokumiru is 39 in canon. Hawks is 23, so that's 16 years difference, meaning that Tomie is probably in her mid 40s, and only a handful of years older than Yokumiru.

But like, imagine your mom reentering your life just to tell you she's now dating your boss Keigo would be so confused.

Haven't had any plans to write this pairing but maybe someday it'll fit into a fic.

Mera x Centipeder (CentiMera? JuuMer? MerJuu?), I love it. That's sort of an office romance to me

I can imagine that, since Centipeder is the one who took over Nighteye's agency after his death, he would be very busy getting all the work done that Nighteye used to do so he'd be too caught up in the business to notice Mera's attempts, so Mera's trying to get his attention but damn they are so busy, it's hard to get through to him when they're both so tired. Poor Mera, he really is interested but god he needs a break

I like to think that if they did figure it out, it would be that Awata (Bubble Girl) noticed every now and then Mera's attempts to get closer and she's like "You know he's been interested in you for months, right?" and Centipeder is like "? ??" and idk the idea that someone who is already so busy still finding the time to think about him and maybe drop down for a visit makes him feel so warm and happy? Relationships for him have been kind of brushed aside thanks to all the work he's had to deal with, but if given the chance, maybe he'd like to try? He'd like to try

So yeah. I can imagine they'd be the kind of couple that are, of course, busy, but always find little ways to show that they love each other. Notes in the kitchen, pre-made meals for their beloved when they get home, Mera sending flowers to Centipeder's agency (Juuzou likes aroma, you know, so Mera would pick the most gorgeous smelling arrangements - with advice from the flower shop owner of course), and there would be days where their schedule aligns and they'd get to cuddle up together, planning to watch that one new show together and Mera always falls asleep halfway through, Centipeder joining him at some point, but they wouldn't have it any other way

Also I like the contrast of it being that Mera is so sleepy and doesn't care too much about what he says because of this, whereas Juuzou is a well mannered person, so uh. opposites attract? They're a fun ship concept to work with imo

Tomie x Mera (ToMera? MerTo?)...

Personally, I've had a small running theory about Tomie and Mera being siblings or smthg, so my mind is quite fixated on that involving those two

HOWEVER, pushing that theory aside and focusing on them as separate families, I can kind of see something in it. Namely because Hawks having his mother in love with his boss is pretty funny and Hawks would be having a crisis over it lmao

Also, Hawks being messenger boy while Mera tells him to give Tomie a necklace he bought for her or Tomie asking him to give chocolates to Mera while he's over at the HC is pretty funny too (Hawks is Going Through It)

I guess it would open up some stuff for Hawks and Tomie reuniting

There's Dad Mera as well, oh my god I imagine Hawks just feeling so awkward that his boss is dating his mother. Mera probably wouldn't care whether Hawks accepted it or not but I think he'd try his best to connect with him which would be cute. The idea that he'd be like "Your mother and I-" tho and Hawks just grimacing... I'd read that, it'd be interesting to see what you could come up with

I don't think I could actually ship it though. I just don't think those two would mesh well together unless Tomie goes through therapy or smthg, or maybe working with the concept that since she gave away Hawks, she could have gotten gradually more and more self aware over the years and tries to be better for the people in her life, idk

Though a crack ship is a crack ship and, despite my opinion on it, I'll say you do you and I hope you get around to writing something for them someday :)

[xbellaxcarolinax]

Forging A Heart (Ivar the Boneless) 23- Silver Fox

Pairing: Ivar x Artemis (OFC)

Word Count: 6235

Warnings: Some violence.

AN: Kinda long, kinda boring, not my favorite chapter 😅

22- Queen

...

Artemis runs a hand over the smooth wood of her throne, the very one Lagertha sat in and Aslaug before her. It was hard to even call it hers.

The wood was buffed to a shine and draped in fine fabrics and warm bear fur, enhancing its regal image. The night of their wedding went by in such a haze that she didn't pay much mind to her surroundings. It was loud then, full of merry making and fascinating stories. Now it was empty, quiet, and incredibly large. The thrones were slightly elevated, sure to remind those of their place.

The current Queen stands to face the authoritative seat, imagining the women who have sat there before her. She was born a commoner and it was a part of her that would never wash away, and she wondered if she was worthy of such a powerful seat. She stood a while longer, her fingertips brushing through the soft fur.

"It is meant for you to sit on, my love." Ivar's teasing voice resonated in the hall, and it was enough for her to snap away from her thoughts in favor of glancing at her husband, his eyes filled with mirth. He speaks through the leather curtain, sly as a cat ready to pounce on its prey.

"I know that." She huffs out, turning round with a swirl of her skirts. She plops down onto the throne to prove it.

"You are such a pensive woman," He says to her, limping over to place a kiss to her brow, "What plagues your mind at this hour, hmm?"

"The usual." She says, and Ivar raises a brow, already knowing what she meant. She was questioning her position, unconfident in her royal elevation. Despite her unassuredness, she did well to be studious in the running of a household and other queenly duties, but it was not enough for her. Ivar understood the lack of confidence, but as his wife, she had to push all that aside and reflect the image of a strong queen. He knew she would be.

Artemis smiled at him, but focused on the subtle movements in the hall. She was so intune with her thoughts that she barely noticed anyone else. A new fire was being stoked by a thrall, while the others hurried about with a task at hand. One dusted about, while another threw more wooden logs into the fire pit. Geirdis was to care with the feeding of the kittens and the mastiff, and the other two were to help Edda and the rest in the kitchens as well as setting up the table for the morning meal.

She was well acquainted with some of the thralls. Others were new and she was sure to remember all their names, to remember their jobs and to remember to thank them, always. The concept was strange, as slaves were never a part of her household back home.

"How may I ease your mind? Breakfast?" Ivar cuts into her thoughts, raising his eyebrows at her, "Those strawberries you like have been freshly harvested this morning." The mention of the strawberries had her up in an instant, grabbing Ivar's awaiting hand so that they may walk over to the large table set up completely with food and drink.

"I have another surprise for you," Ivar says, and it was almost enough for Artemis to crush the berry in her hand unforgivably.

"Another? Ivar must you spoil me so?" She had enough material items to last her more than a lifetime.

"Hush now," He teases, motioning at the thrall pouring his drink, "Tell Geirdis to bring the girl out." A few short moments later and Geirdis appears with Aria only steps behind her. The blond thrall stands behind her queen, and Artemis almost shoots out from her seat.

"I am at your service, my Queen." Aria's long red hair spills over her shoulders as she bows before Artemis. The Queen had confusion etched all over her face, turning to look at Ivar who bore his signature smirk.

"What is this?" She asks "I thought you were to leave with Jarl Erik? We've said our farewells only last night."

"I've purchased her," Ivar interjects, "You may keep her as your help or you may set her free. Do with her as you see fit." Artemis looks at him with sparkling eyes and he just laughs, holding a berry between his leather covered fingers.

"Ivar..." She couldn't express her happiness well enough, "This is wonderful news!" She stands immediately, careful not to trip over the hem of her dress, before enveloping the Irish girl in her arms.

"I would see you free, of course," Artemis says to her, "Your life is your own to command." The red head smiled, her green eyes glittering with such emotion.

"I would like to stay under your service, my Queen, if that is alright with you. I've nowhere to go, and I will dutifully earn my keep."

"Of course," The Queen smiles, "I will have Geirdis help settle you in." The young blonde thrall moves to Aria's side, ready for an awaiting task.

"I humbly thank you, my King," Aria bows to Ivar once again, to which he waves off lazily as he usually did.

"I did it for my wife." He simply says, waving both Geridis and Aria off, "Report to the Queen in the evening for further instruction." They bow, and Geirdis leads Aria to a vacant room further into the hall, a smile of excitement on her face.

Artemis watches them go, happy to have her friend back. She bounces on her heels excitedly, turning to glance at Ivar. He watches her, head resting on his hand. She grins, flinging herself onto him, embracing him tightly. She places repeated kisses upon his head and brow, and he closes his eyes, relishing her adoring kisses. He could get you to this adoration.

"Thank you, my love." She says to him with a content sigh. Ivar grips her around the waist bringing her comfortably to his lap so that he may give her proper kisses on her plush lips.

"Anything for you, baby bird."

"The Jarl didn't put up a fight?" She asks and Ivar snorts in response.

"I am King, and he is but a lowly Jarl from a different kingdom, he could not refuse me, nor did he deny the silver I had offered." Artemis hums in understanding, placing a jeweled hand upon his stubbly cheek.

"Perhaps I should thank him?"

"No need. Money speaks to him more than any grateful words."

"Forgive me, my King and Queen, for interrupting such a tender moment," Heahmund enters, his tone almost sarcastic, with Hvitserk in tow, "The petitioners will be arriving soon."

"Fix yourselves and eat breakfast."

The older Ragnarsson motions with his hands for them to separate, plopping down beside his younger brother. Ivar rolls his eyes but pats her bottom for her to move.

"Eat. We have a kingdom to run."

...

Ivar sits on his throne as if he were born for it. He was all confidence, regality emanating off his person. He was fit to be king. Artemis on the other hand was a timid creature, lacking the vivaciousness she had when still a slave. Ivar glances at her to make sure she is ready. Her coronet gleamed beautifully in the natural daylight. She was a vision, but apprehension lingered in her eyes.

One after the other they came, some to dispute minor things such as a stolen goat, or a lost sheep. Others wanted marriage approvals and dowries disputed. They were mostly petty squabbles. Such things were Ivar's least favorite duty as king. He loved conquest, he loved expansion, and most of all, he loved war. He was a product of violent times, but he reveled in it. Small talk and petty rivalries were a nuisance in his eyes.

Artemis seemed to have taken quite an interest in the matters of the people. Of course, she was mostly there due to the formal setting, and as Queen, she must be present for all formal functions. But in her mind, if she was to be a proper queen, then it was her responsibility to heed the common people's plight. She wanted to do good for the people that she ruled, and help Ivar as king to prosper the kingdom, not to be a useless puppet beside him.

Ivar settled each dispute easily enough. All those years beside his mother had taught him about the local politics, though he was clearly bored of it.

The grievances of the day were minimal, small matters easily solved. The day progressed uneventfully, and by midday, the Queen sat brooding before a loom, hands tangled in a mess of yarn.

"My Queen, the weft thread is too loose." Artemis sucks her teeth at the comment, scowling. The longer she stared at the threads, the more the pretty colors of blue and green appeared to be one congested mess of shades. She was about ready to throw the loom away.

"You must tighten it, like this," Geirdis instructs, her skilled hands going over the threads with accuracy, demonstrating her many years of experience.

"I can't do it."

"Of course you can, My Queen, it just takes time."

Artemis snorts, turning her gaze away from the loom and down towards the hem of her embroidered skirts. One of the kittens, the brown one she named Eros, latched his sharp little nails into the wool, attempting to climb up the height of her leg.

She coos, easily grabbing the tiny thing in her palm. Eros mewls, causing the other 3 to call out as well, and a soft symphony began in the quiet hall. Artemis didn't mind it, it was a pleasant distraction, but Geirdis was far too annoyed with the felines.

"Hush." She scolds them, grabbing the trouble maker Eros from Artemis's hands. She then scoops up the others. The second troublemaker was Aries of light colored hair, the calmest was Siggy, the darkest and the only one Ivar named, and the curious one was Icarus. Geirdis places them in the arms of a passing thrall. Heracles snores, laying obediently beside his mistress.

"I'm sorry, my Queen, but you'll never improve if there are distractions." Artemis sighs but nods in understanding, once again picking up the shuttle to continue her amateur work. Her weaving was an attempt at creating a blanket for the arriving cold weather. So far, it was futile.

But, she had expectations to meet and shoes to fill. There were lessons in weaving and mending, a task women were to dedicate countless hours to, and a task she utterly detested.

To her, the loom was an unavoidable contraption. Threaded into the wood were her clumsily woven flax threads, nothing in comparison to tapestries and fine clothing made by the skilled hands of the women in the royal household. Artemis left most of the weaving to Geirdis and the rest of the talented women.

Running the household was entirely different, but something Artemis was able to grasp better than weaving. She was to oversee the storages for grain and meat, food that had to last them for the winter months. The keys resting at her hip were a reminder of the control and command she had.

Ivar led several hunting parties, he and his men leaving with nothing but their arrows, and always returning with several rabbits and a deer or two. They would later be skinned, salted, dried, and stored away for later use.

The King was currently out on a hunt with Hvitserk and the rest of their hunting party, leaving Heahmund, Dafi, and the rest of the guards to watch over the Great Hall, and the entire estate.

"My mother was a talented weaver," Heahmund says to her, glancing at the front of the loom before walking to step behind Artemis to get a better look. He was not impressed. "You need much improvement."

"Well, how about you fetch your mother to teach me then, hm?" Artemis shoots back, earning a chuckle from the Saxon man. Geirdis fetches a pitcher of mead and a drinking horn. She fills it for Heahmund, and he takes it with a nod of thanks.

"I'm sure Geirdis has her hands full with you."

"The Queen has been no trouble." The blonde says, her tone absolute, as if warning Heahmund in his use of words. No one should ever be so familiar with nobility, especially the wife of Ivar the Boneless.

"She wields a hammer better than a loom." He says, a comment that not even Artemis could deny. The dark haired queen cracks a smile, but continues to work with the loom, slowly pulling the flax threads tightly.

"I can't hammer clothing into existence. I wish it were that easy."

"The loom is an important part of a woman's life, My Queen. When our death comes to take us, we are buried with our weaving tools and mending needles."

"And what? Are you meant to weave in Valhalla?" Heahmund snorts, raking a hand through his freshly cropped hair. Geirdis turns to him, her eyes revealing her irritation.

"It is our worth, and what makes us who we are." She mumbles out.

"Heahmund, shut up," Artemis scolds before he could say anything more, "Only the gods know why Ivar decided to keep you around." He raises a brow.

"Did you say 'the gods'?"

"Did I hesitate?" She counters back, eyes not leaving her work, though she had no idea what she was doing. Geirdis sits beside her queen, gently stopping her hands with her own to demonstrate the proper technique again. Every so often her honey eyes would drift to glance at Heahmund before finding their way back to the weaving.

"Do manners exist in Crete?" Heahmund mutters.

"Much more than in England, I'm sure."

Loud chatter and footsteps were heard, a cue for Dafi to open the hall doors to let the hunting party in. The hounds could be heard barking, and the smell of dead animal flesh suddenly filled the hall. The kitchen thralls immediately scattered in, helping to bring in the game.

Heracles barks upon the sight of Ivar and Hvitserk, immediately stomping towards them in glee.

"Wife, you must calm this beast." Ivar mutters, watching how the mastiff stood on its hind legs, his paws placed on Hvitserk's shoulders.

"He loves the lot of you." She replies, placing down her tools to formally greet her husband. She smiles at him. He was covered in dirt, no doubt from crawling about with his bow.

"And why does Heahmund wear such a face? Tired of watching women weave all day?" Hvitserk jokes, now roughhousing with Heracles.

"He should take a turn at it, seeing as he bickers like an old crone looking to hear village gossip." Artemis says, softly wiping the dirt from Ivar's flushed cheeks with the edges of her sleeves as he held her close to him. He looked exhausted.

"Have you all the time to stand here and pester me so?" Heahmund barks out with no real heat behind his words. He laughs walking forward to clasp Hvitserk's hand, then to bow to his king in the Saxon tradition.

"It is a fun past time, I dare say," Hvitserk smirks, "Now someone please get this dog off of me." Heahmund grabs Heracles by his silver collar, hauling him down.

"How fair's my wife on the loom?" Ivar addresses Geirdis who stood quietly in the back of all the commotion. With her hands clasped behind her back she dutifully responds.

"She will improve, in time, My King."

"She means I'm terrible." Artemis sighs, smiling up at Ivar like a child.

"She doesn't lie." Says Heahmund with a snort. Ivar sucks his teeth.

"Quit teasing. Now, if you will all excuse us," Ivar addresses the hall, "I'd like to rest with my wife."

"My love, I must see to the preparations of the meat before evening." Artemis whispers to him, successfully earning a frown from the king.

"Surely that can wait? My legs ache," He says back just as quietly, a twinkle forming in his blue eyes.

"What kind of Queen would I be then?" She smiles, pecking his lips quickly, "Geirdis will prepare our chambers for you. Once everything is stored I will come for you." Ivar smiles, placing a kiss to her brow.

"Very well, go be a Queen."

...

The sky was overcast, the sun's radiance blocked by gray clouds, preventing the warm rays from penetrating over Kattegat. The farmers scrambled to continue their harvest before winter came with its harsh grip, and the fishermen pushed their small boats into the sea for their morning catch.

Artemis sweeps through the bustling village, passing pleasantries with the people who greet her, some keeping a distance from the mastiff that trotted beside her. It had been a few weeks since the wedding and her ascension as queen. Things were much different, yet nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The people held her in higher regards, of course, but life simply went on, for which she was grateful.

"Dafi?"

"Yes, my Queen?"

"Does it not bore you having to follow me? You're like a shadow," Artemis jokes to him, offering the young man a smile. It was plainly obvious why Aria admired him so.

Dafi only shrugs.

"I suppose it is rather silly when you look at it that way, my Queen. It is merely my duty to escort you, always."

"Yes, but does it bore you?" Dafi remains silent for a moment, not sure how to answer the question exactly.

"Come now," She smiles, "I've better humor than my husband."

"I assure you, my Queen, it is an honor to be by your side." Dafi cracks a smile. His usual stoic demeanor faltered for a moment, revealing a boyish smile under all that seriousness. He wasn't being honest, but she supposed it was alright, he seemed in good cheer and that was enough.

"Then I release you from your duties for the day, Dafi." His flaxen colored brows furrow at her words.

"But my Queen-"

"Go and spend your day the way you'd want to if I weren't a burden." She says nonchalantly, using the tips of her fingers to skim over Heracles's short fur.

"King Ivar will not be pleased once he is informed."

"Then be sure not to inform him, hm?" Dafi was not convinced. It has always been his duty to be her loyal shadow, as commanded by Ivar.

"Do you intend to escort yourself?"

"Of course not! I have my dog for the company." Heracles perks up to gaze at them both when he hears his name, his wrinkled face covered in drool.

"Your dog, my Queen?"

"Mhm. I'll just be with Master Hagen. Go about your day, Dafi." His features screamed skepticism, but he couldn't deny an order from the Queen.

"Very well, my Queen." She smiles, nodding him off before heading to Master Hagen's shop.

With the increase of trade, many have come to make a living in Kattegat. There was an influx of craftsmen, potters, weavers, bakers, and blacksmiths, many coming from the failing town of Hedeby. After Lagertha's death, the village was taken over by a series of Jarls, who only pushed the village back deeper into misery.

Once it was known that Kattegat's Queen was a blacksmith herself, many wanted to come and show off their work in the hope of gaining the King and Queen's favor, but an increase in forgers meant an increase in competition. Despite the growth in competition, Artemis still only chose to go to Master Hagen. She would honor Arvid's father.

Arvid's father was an ailing man, but the glint in his eye was that of a youthful man. He was intelligent, and quite a talented blacksmith, reminding Artemis of her own father at times, which made some visits difficult. His white beard was braided, and a silver bead was placed at its end. His fading tattoos were a reminder of his younger days, fighting in Ragnar Lothbrok's army.

Her mastiff bounded into the shop as if he owned it, sniffing about the things he has sniffed many times before as if they were new.

"My Queen, I was not expecting you." Master Hagen greets, his aging eyes following Artemis as she enters, removing her hood and shaking off the morning chill.

"This is no place for a queen." The old man nags, but already knew she came with purpose. Artemis snorts, removing her fur lined cloak and placing it aside.

"The title does not change anything." She moves towards the back, fetching a pair of gloves she favored for her work.

"Oh, but it changes everything." He chuckles, scratching at his beard, "A queen sits upon a throne and does not dirty her hands." He notices her usual guard was missing, but he says nothing about it.

"I was born a blacksmith, and I think that shall remain until the end of my days." The Queen says to him, "I would not be true to myself if I left such a life behind." Master Hagen smiles at her words, nodding in understanding.

"Very well, my Queen."

"And Arne?"

"Fetching more wood."

"Excellent," She smiles, "We've much work to do."

"Oh?" The older blacksmith raises his brows.

"I'm sure you have noticed the recent influx of villagers?" The old man nods.

"Many of them come with skill, Master Hagen, which means more competition for you." The old man frowns but listens attentively, "I suggest you take on at least two more apprentices, that way you may flourish."

"But my Queen," Master Hagen sighs, "I've not the strength to take on such a task. I am but an old man. Arvid was to oversee the shop, but he is making a name for himself in England. It would prove to be difficult."

"I will help you," Artemis smiles brightly, "And I'm sure many others will come looking for work. Your trade will increase, and you will be able to retire peacefully. I will see that you are well taken care of." The old man hesitates, mulling over the idea before nodding.

"Very well, I will do as you ask."

The rest of the day went by uneventfully. Artemis decided to look after Arne's work, while Master Hagen dealt with a few customers that came for minor purchases.

Arne was a gifted young man, already showing talent in his trade. He was 16 years, beginning his training a few years prior before moving to Kattegat and finding a new master to teach him.

He was nervous around her, stuttering when she praised him, bending his head low in a timidness whenever she moved to instruct him. He'd never known a woman of high stature to dirty her hands as the freemen did. But he didn't know her full story.

Later in the day, a woman stops by, one Artemis was not familiar with. Her hair was so pale it appeared silver, and her eyes were slanted like a fox. She had a smile on her face as she greeted the Queen formally, extending the greeting to Master Hagen. She appeared to be searching for something, her eyes quickly scanning the entirety of the shop before her eyes landed back to the Queen. Artemis was bewildered but says nothing, thinking perhaps the woman needed to purchase something for her household.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" Master Hagen asks her.

"Oh, not in particular. I was hoping to have a word with the Queen? Of course, if she has a moment to spare." Artemis nods, removing her gloves. She then glances at a hammer nearby, deciding to tie it onto her belt before instructing. She never made the mistake of leaving without it anymore as it proved useful. She instructs Arne to continue his work before smiling at the unknown woman, who peers at the hammer before stepping out into the busy streets.

"I'm afraid we haven't formally met?" Artemis says to the woman, tightening her rich cloak about her shoulders. The woman nods before answering.

"I meant no offense, Queen Artemis. My name is Dabria. I have just moved here from Hedeby."

"It is a pleasure, Dabria. Forgive me for being so bold, but if your family intends to remain in Kattegat, then you must all pledge your allegiances to King Ivar."

"I came alone, My Queen. I've no family." Artemis takes in her state of dress. She wore tightly fitted breeches, and a leather vest.

"You're a warrior." Artemis states, and Dabria nods.

"I wish to join the king's army, my Queen."

"Well, if your skills are noteworthy, then I'm sure he will not hesitate to accept you." They walked about Kattegat for a while, discussing the weather and the wealth of the town. Heracles trailed behind them, following his mistress loyally. Dabria speaks of her admiration of Kattegat, how lovely the trees must have looked in the summer months.

Kattegat was beautiful from this height, nothing at all from what Artemis remembered when she was a slave. There was something about the view of the mountains that calmed her, or at least, eased her mind just a bit. She understood Ivar's need to find solitude there. It was peaceful.

Both she and Dabria watched the scenery, and the silver haired woman breaks the silence.

"You seem like a humble woman, Queen Artemis, which makes this so much harder." Artemis turns to look at the woman, her brows furrowing.

"What are you talking about?" Dabria removes a dagger from the pocket of her breeches, unsheathing it to reveal a glittering blade. Artemis swallows thickly, her fingertips lightly skimming her own dagger she kept strapped to her thigh. A gift from Ivar, he told her to always keep it on her person. Looks like she'd be using it.

"Lagertha was an amazing woman," Dabria starts, surprised at how calm the Queen was. She expected a few tears by now, maybe an attempt to flee. She points her dagger towards her, "How could a woman untrained in the arts of battle be the cause of Lagertha's death?"

"I'd call it luck. The rest believe it was the gods who willed it. You may choose what you want to believe. Now what are your intentions with that dagger?"

Dabria smiles, slowly approaching Artemis with a grin.

"I intend to avenge Lagertha."

...

The Queen sniffles, wiping her face to rid herself of the angry tears with the back of her hand. Her eyebrows were arched angrily and her knuckles were white from gripping the hammer tightly. Her eyes were trained on the quiet scene before her.

Heracles laid beside her, his tongue lapping over his dark snout now covered in blood. His eyes were closed but his ears were entirely alert to the smallest of sounds.

She glances down at her hammer, using the hem of her torn dress to wipe the remnants of blood from its surface, grateful she followed her instincts.

The seer had been right in saying such hardships would surface, but so soon?

Dabria was clearly a supporter of Lagertha, a shieldmaiden bent on revenge. Despite her fox like features, she lacked the wit that foxes were known for.

Her dagger cut through Artemis's dress, slicing deeply into the soft skin of her shoulder. The Queen was lucky to have been quick in her own movements.

Artemis presses a hand tightly to her wound, hoping the pressure would alleviate the blood and pain that was blossoming now that the adrenaline had ceased.

She had hit the woman twice, once in the stomach and once to her face. The swing of the hammer was powerful enough to emit a sickening cracking sound from the woman's jaw, now dislocated. It had stunned the both of them, Artemis's eyes widening as she saw the woman drool and spit out significant amounts of blood. Her jaw was loose from its place.

The same feeling she felt at the war camp when beating the man's face was the same feeling she had at that very moment, and before she could lift her hammer to bring it down atop the woman's silver head, Heracles pounced, attacking viciously.

His teeth sank into her arm, the very one that held the dagger ready to attack, tackling her down. Then he went straight for her face, destroying her visage until it was nothing but a fleshy mess between his teeth. The beast growled over the warrior's dead body, before directing it towards an approaching figure, Dafi, who now held an unresponsive Artemis in his arms.

"My Queen," Dafi says to her, his blue eyes pleading with her, "Command your beast to stand down."

Artemis stared at the woman, face destroyed, body twisted in a way that reflected her dog's strength. She had not noticed that Dafi had found her, nor did she care. Moments ago she was fighting against this woman, and now, she drew in her last breathe. Heracles continued to growl, his protectiveness not dying down despite knowing Dafi very well. He slowly inched forward, ready to attack him with any sudden movement.

"My Queen," Dafi tries again, his eyes never leaving the angry creature before him. Artemis blinks, catching her breath before removing herself from Dafi's grip.

"Heracles," She commanded sternly, "Stop." The dog lets out one last growl before quieting, replacing angry noises with whining. He sits, staring up at her with large eyes, bloody snout and paws, awaiting the next command. Artemis says nothing. She spits at the fresh corpse.

Stupid woman.

She only armed herself with a dagger, perhaps not to attract unnecessary attention to herself. Or likely assuming Artemis lacked the strength and was but a weak woman. A weak woman would not have the strength that came from the many years of beating metal.

She walks down towards the path her feet wanted to go, if only to find a moments peace. Waving her hand to her large pup, he immediately follows her, leaving the guard stunned.

"My Queen!" He called after her, but she didn't stop. The commotion had spread to the rest of the village as the people came to crowd around the body of the dead woman to take a look, the ravens already feasting upon the bloody mess. The murmurs spread almost immediately, reaching the Great Hall.

Lagertha was dead, yet her spirit haunted Kattegat, Artemis realizes that. They wanted revenge. King Ivar so easily killed their queen, and so shall they with his. She wipes her nose with the back of her hand, her ears picking up the sounds of boots crunching against the grass.

"My Queen," Dafi says cautiously, "King Ivar had appointed me to protect you, and I have failed." He keeps a distance from her, in case her dog decided that his presence was unwanted.

"I'm not dead." She says.

"But I should have been there-"

"Why do you blame yourself?" She asks him quietly, not bothering to look at him, "I sent you away, did i not?" She continued to press her hand against the flesh of her shoulder, blood now seeping through the fabric. It would not be wise to lose any more blood.

"I was not there to protect you."

"You could not have known."

"Artemis!" Hvitserk's familiar voice causes Heracles to bark. It echoed into the mountain ranges for all to hear, like a menacing threat that seemed to rattle over the entire land of Norway.

He pushes past Dafi, already noticing the wound on her shoulder.

"What happened?" Hvitserk asks breathlessly, removing her hand only to see blood. His eyes settle on her hammer, then on Heracles's bloody snout. He sighs, turning to look at Dafi with a glare.

"Is it not your responsibility to protect her? The king will be here any second and only the gods know what he'll do." That was Ivar's cue to enter, his chariot coming into view. His mare ran at full speed, and when he pulled the reins to stop, the chariot lurched forward at the velocity. There was a fire in his clear eyes, a rage that Artemis had not seen in quite some time.

He hopped off, his hands dragging him quickly towards Dafi, but before the guard could create his string of apologies, Ivar swipes an arm against his shins, causing Dafi to tumble hard to the ground, a dagger already placed dangerously against his throat before he could groan at the impact.

"Give me a reason why I shouldn't kill you right now." Ivar says to him, his wild eyes shining with anger. His face was so close to Dafi's that the guard was speechless, expecting the blade to slice his throat.

"My king, I-"

"Do not bore me with excuses." Ivar hisses, the point of the blade piercing the delicate skin of Dafi's neck, blood already pooling at the punctured area.

"Ivar," Artemis calls out to him, pleading, "It was not his fault, it was mine. I sent him away. Do not hurt him." Ivar sucks his teeth, but his gaze never leaves the frightened man below him.

"He still had a duty to uphold. And he failed."

"Do not kill him." She stresses, her voice dark and stern, nothing like he's ever heard. It was enough for him to look over at her, her eyes hard and lips set in a line.

Ivar sucks his teeth again, flicking his wrist quickly and swiping his dagger with expert precision, slicing along Dafi's cheekbone and up towards his temple. The guard hisses but says nothing, as he knew without the Queen intervening, he would surely be dead by now.

"Fortune smiles down on you," Ivar spits out, "Her mercy is what keeps you alive. You are released from the duty of guarding the Queen. Now, get out of my sight." Dafi stood, eyes downcast in shame. He turns round and walks away from the party. It was the little mercy Ivar would show him.

"Bishop," Ivar's fiery eyes turn to the cropped haired man, "Take a few men with you and scout the area. Lagertha's supporters must be near, and wherever they are, surely my brothers are not far. Go." Heahmund nods, quickly glancing at Artemis before motioning to the other men to move out.

Artemis slumps against Hvitserk, head hanging low. She lowers herself on the dry grass, her wound aching. She felt tired. Ivar crawls over quickly, pushing Hvitserk away to grab hold of her. She keeps silent, not bothering to look at him, yet he places sweet kisses over her head, running a hand down the length of her hair as he's always done in comfort.

"You are a warrior, and don't even know it," He says to her softly, cradling her close.

"I'd hardly call myself that. I have the dog to thank." Her voice wavered as she found it difficult to speak. He places a hand to her thigh, the one he knew she strapped her dagger to. It was still there.

"You had no need for the dagger?"

"The hammer did its job."

"Mhm," Ivar hummed in agreement, "I saw the mess you made of her. Her body will be burned in the village square tonight for all to see. The people will know the strength of their Queen, and the consequences of treason." Artemis says nothing, her mind still going over the events of the day.

Hvitserk begins to silently tie a leather strip about the thick silver chain Heracles wore around his neck, leading the beast away with much struggle.

"Have the thralls feed him the rabbit meat he is so fond of. He deserves it." Ivar's tone was so gentle, it was hard to believe that moments ago he was nothing short from furious.

Hvitserk nods, pulling the beast away, and only when he was far enough, Ivar begins his soothing again.

"You're hurt, my love, I must get you to the healer at once." Artemis nods, slowly standing up with the help of her good arm, waiting for Ivar to quickly crawl over to his chariot. He waits for her to stand beside him then grips the reins, slapping them against the mare. The beast began to move at a moderate pace.

"This is what the seer meant," She says to him quietly, "This is what he meant by the hardships, the dark shadow that looms."

"And we will deal with it together," Ivar says, "There is nothing that will stand against us."

"Who had warned you?" Artemis asks suddenly.

"Arne, Hagen's apprentice. Said the old man was worried when you had not returned for a while. Arne searched for Dafi, and Dafi warned the other guards."

"You rid him of his post, but surely you won't humiliate him further?" She had that tone, the pleading one, Ivar could already detect it. She did have a much kinder heart then he.

"I will send him back to the lower ranks for a while, until I decide what to do with him."

"It was not his fault." Artemis repeats. Ivar nods.

"I know, my love."

They entered through all the bustling activity, and the people stared as they passed through, whispers of the Queen reaching them until they closed the doors of the Great Hall.

...

@heavenly1927​ @didiintheblog​ @leilabeaux​ @jzr201​ @inforapound​ @a-mess-of-fandoms​ @rastakami23 @ostra814​ @zumzum96​

[ijustthinkevilunoisneat]

What if I told you that I didn't feel good enough and I'm broken

What if I said that I'm losing my faith and been struggling coping

Been stuck for a while when I look at the clock man I feel like it's frozen

Then again time is just flying too quick and I'm losing devotion

Truth is I feel no emotion

Bottle it up and all I feel is rage

And I would be lying if I looked at you and said I'm not afraid

What if I never get through this shit what do I do if I can't find my way

And I know that my father has been counting on me to carry our name

Speaking of him man I gotta be honest

We ain't really speaking these days

I'm just scared that I won't get to know him before the day he fades away

My family fought a lot when I was growing up what can I say (What can I say)

What can I say by fighting there really ain't nothing to gain

I know that the sun is out there somewhere but I been living in rain

Can we quit playing games I'm standing right here and I'm ready to change

And mama I promise to give you the world if I make it to fame

Put you both on a stage and make it so everyone's screaming your names

It's times like this I see your face

Wish you didn't leave this place

Searching for the reason why

So take a moment of silence

Goodbye

Give me a second I wanna say something to my little brother

When you get older your father is not gonna be with your mother

I'm 23 years older than you I know that it's kind of confusing

Forget all the bullies that make fun of you it's just for their amusement

Let go of negatives seek out the light

Develop yourself you should journal and write

Speak with integrity treat women right

And you don't gotta drink every typical night

Being popular really ain't everything nah don't give in to that hype

And it's okay to forgive the people that hurt you but don't give in twice

And to each of my sisters

I know we been drifting

Our parents divorced we all moved away and the family shifted

Yeah we visit on Christmas, but even the holidays different

Gotta make something out of this gift that God has graciously gifted

I know that the sun is out there somewhere but I been living in rain

Can we quit playing games I'm standing right here and I'm ready to change

And mama I promise to give you the world if I make it to fame

Put you both on a stage and make it so everyone's screaming your names

It's times like this I see your face

Wish you didn't leave this place

Searching for the reason why

So take a moment of silence

Goodbye

Oh man, lucid, where do I even start

Your music, it's amazing

It's like, you really believe in what you're rapping

In my opinion, it's some of the best, best music out there

Keep it up TJ

Give me a second I owe an apology to a few people

I regret a few things and I made some mistakes when I gave in to evil

To all of my exes I'm sorry I know I was often deceitful

But after Veronica cheated I gave up and didn't treat future girls equal

I'm sorry to all that I pushed away when I fell deep in depression

I never gave enough attention to people I loved so I just started ruining friendships

I guess that I've taken the easy way out now by rapping confessions

This a passion of mine and the only way that I can deal with my stresses

Man I get emotional every time I stop and think about Taylor

Still can't believe that you took your own life away just to get rid of these haters

I just hope that you found some peace and serenity in your decision

No one knew what you were going through then again maybe we just didn't listen

To my Grammy I wish that I said goodbye before the day that you left

Not telling you how much I love you is something that I still regret

But I know you're in heaven

And that it's all okay

One day I'll be with you and all of my fans will be screaming my name

This song is dedicated to Taylor Eller

We love you

And may you rest in peace