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jujutsuflavoredpeach · 2 years

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PART III - AS HE IS

Pairing Inumaki Toge x fem!reader Other characters Shoko Ieiri, Zen'in Maki, Shoko Ieiri, Kiyotaka Ijichi Content angst, hurt, longing, anger, struggle, love, fluff Warnings jjk MANGA SPOILERS, CULLING GAME SPOILERS, self-loathing, mentions of blood, comatose state, swear words Note LINK TO FOURTH PART >> ﹢PART IV (I) - AS HE IS﹢

❀ ¡Hello there! Here's PART III of AS HE IS. ¡Very though to write! I love twists and turns, but most of all, I like things to make sense. ¡So I just pray this makes sense to you! 'Cause let me tell ya... I've suffered. A little heads up: Several LONG flashbacks, so read carefully. I'm having so much fun and let me just say, if you are reading this: ∗ ࣪ ˖ ♡ ˖ ࣪ ∗I APPRECIATE YOU BEING HERE.∗ ࣪ ˖ ♡ ˖ ࣪ ∗ ¡Hope you like it! ❀

You were laying on a table unresponsive.

"She's been like that for at least fourty minutes." Shoko said.

Toge approached you. His brows were furrowed and his eyes full of sorrow, as he brushed his fingers against the palm of your hand that was facing upward, going up your arm and following the path of your long fainty veins. He shook his head in denial, bitting the inside of his bottom lip.

Shoko was standing at the other side of the table.

"You should know, Inumaki, that I don't know what's going to happen." she told him in a completely neutral tone, face expressionless.

Toge didn't even go for a notepad and a pen, he didn't even use his safe words, he didn't want to open his mouth. His head hung low between his shoulders. The guilt had disabled him entirely.

"All that she's been experiencing in the hours prior has finally taken a toll on her brain activity. In the end, the technique did affect her." she made a tiny pause. "Sure, we are all always forgetting something, or trying to, but being forced to do it is entirely different. Technically, we are able to do that deliberately in a conscious way, but also it is very much a natural reaction as a way of protecting ourselves from the bad thoughts that can result from a memory. In conclusion, she didn't ask for it, so her brain is trying to fight the compulsion that's being forced through it as we speak. The thing is that, you were never a bad thought, and what's being taken away from her it's something that she is in no need to forget. She needed you, but not be against you. I believe that she's lasted this long only because her neuronal connections, let's say, the strings in her brain that are tied to everything that have to do with you, must be very strong. I know you are also going through some things right now, but this..."

Toge was listening to every word she said, not being able to take his eyes off you, getting lost. He dreaded this, his whole life. He was always careful around everyone he knew, but he was super extra careful with you, even if it was for all the right reasons. The way you did things, would sometimes ignite something within him. A fiery courage that sometimes made him feel like he could come up to you and have a normal conversation, without having to resort to his own impractical methods of communication that average guys didn't use because they were, well, normal guys. Not socially disabled loners. Those were his thoughts.

'¡Toge! There you are.' you walked up to him with a bright look on your face. He was about to go for a walk. 'Panda and I made chocolates. Well, I did, while he was trying to eat them all.' a giggle escaped your lips. You could tell from his eyes that he was smiling. He'd always sport a high collar even if he wore casual clothes. 'Anyway, here you go.' you said stretching both arms to him, holding a shiny little red bag with a beaming smile. Toge felt his heart beat two consecutive times and his brows raised in surprise. You watched him take the bag, as the strips slowly slipped from your fingers. 'We made them for everyone actually, with the girls too. It's Valentine's, so...' you had only mentioned Panda at the beggining because you didn't want to seem too straight forward. You were friends after all. 'Yours is a little different-' You looked to the side, arms behind your back, looking a little flushed. You were both standing at the entrance hall, just outside the dorm building. As the sun was beggining to set, its mango colored gleams came down sneaking through the beams, bathing the both of you. '¡Tuna mayo!' Toge replied, meaning that he liked it. '¿Fish flakes?' he asked pointing at the bag, asking for your permission to open it. 'It's just-' your clear glossed lips weren't fast enough. Toge had already opened it, expressing his content over the tiny box of onigiri shaped chocolates, but then his eyes widened when he took out two neatly folded pieces of cloth. The rosy tint of your cheeks merged with the steady radiance of the sun as his eyes twinkled with amazement, when he realized they were a pair of high collars. 'Toge, I made them myself. I hope you like them...' you looked at the ground, bitting the inside of your lip while you were being hit with a sudden wave of shyness. He lifted your chin up, thinking of how adorable you were, pulling down the zip of his collar. You gave him a warm smile. It was quiet around you, and the seconds felt like minutes, in which he looked at you, feeling brave, as he wanted to tell you how much he appreciated your gesture. He absolutely loved them. '¡Tuna mayo! ¡Tuna mayo!' he said, happily shaking the hand in wich he was holding his new accessories.

He settled, like he always did. Like so many other times... Because even if he meant well, mistakes could be made easily. And if some things you just can't undo... ¿Then how do you fix them?

"Inumaki ¿Are you listening?" Shoko's voice pulled him back.

He remained silent, but gave a slight nod in response.

"Anyway, that says a lot about the level of emotion that can be attributed to her memories. At least the ones that only involve you in this case." she continued. "If you ask me what I think this is doing to Y/n, well, this is cursed speech after all. For all I know, for all you know... as much as we are rooting for her, this is elite sorcery. To our knowledge, she's no expert in handling something like that. The brain is a muscle, and like all muscles, it will get tired and swollen. It's going to keep fighting that good fight until the functions that are still barely intact, helping it thrive, become obsolete. When that happens the brain is going to shut down entirely. Maybe she'll be in a coma forever, maybe she'll wake up not knowing who you are, and that will be it, or she could die in just a couple of-."

"¡NO! ¡NO! ¡NO!" Togue wasn't having it. He directed his screams towards a wooden chair, reducing it to splinters. The anger was becoming unsurmountable.

Shoko didn't even budge. As the kind of person that she was, being so used to things, she was just stating the possibilities, but she didn't take Toge's feelings into consideration.

"I apologize." she said in her dry usual tone of voice, but she meant it, coming closer to him to place a hand over his shoulder. Toge was visibly shaken, struggling to even his breathing. "I assume you'll be staying. I'll ask Ijichi to bring Gojo's leather armchair from his office. It'll be much more comfortable. I'll make him put it right next to Y/n. ¿Does that sound good?" she asked, giving him a light squeeze before she let go.

That same night, Toge went back to his room to take a shower and change his clothes. It was hard for him to leave you back there. Shoko noticed your breathing was uneven and they moved you to a comfier bed. Sadly, there was nothing else they could do for you, because even if your body was responding to the abuse your brain was recieving just as a human would, the reason was a deathly curse after all. The thought of your body not even being able to recieve proper care...

'I ruined her.' He shut his eyes, leaning against the icy shower tiles.

Running his hand over his face, the steam of the heat was starting to fill the room while the water was running full blast, soaking his body from head to toe. He felt his eyes moisten with his own tears and his heart tighten inside his chest. He was terrified for you, worried sick. He began to sob quietly, trying to let out as much agony and frustration as he possibly could. He was useless to you. He could've screamed some more, break some more stuff, but he didn't want to risk it.

He was on his way to Ieiri's office once more. Fresh clothes, hair wet and disheveled. As he was taking his hand out of his pocket, he noticed something falling out of it. Toge immediately turned around, seeing a piece of bandage lying on the ground, stained with a few droplets of dried blood.

'¿How was I suppossed to know there would be two extra steps?' Toge raised his middle and index finger, pointing them at his eyes. Which translated to 'You would've noticed the extra steps if you used your own two eyeballs.' He huffed, shaking his head. The fall had been pretty bad, you had sprained your ankle and had a gush under your knee, not too deep, but you were going to need at least eight stitches. Pouring some antiseptic into a fluffy ball of cotton, he brought his hand up to your knee, but you shyed away from it. 'You look mad at me... It was just an accident.' you told him with the saddest eyes and a couple of tears running down your face. It really hurt, and blood was running all over your calf, staining your shoe, but you also felt embarrassed by the look on Toge's face, and that just made you sadder. You looked like a child, with your fists curled up into a ball and the cutest little pout on your face. He was upset 'cause you were already on the floor when he spotted you from afar and he panicked, seeing as you were not getting up. He was still a bit caught up in the nerves of the moment, but he wasn't mad at you. Without saying a word, he took advantage of the fact that you were looking away to pat around the wound, applying the substance so it wouldn't get infected. You whined as he took you by surprise. Everytime you hissed at the contact, Toge would blow on it gently to alleviate the pain and itching sensation. Once he was done tying up the bandage, he threw away what was used, turning around to face you as you kept massaging your ankle, trying to feel some relief. He would take you to Shoko right away, but first he approached you, taking a piece of bandage you had been holding out for him with your bloody fingers. He just put it in his pocket without realising it, taking out his little notepad and pen. He wrote something on it quickly and held it infront of you. 'Not mad, just worried. I'm sorry.' 'Don't be sorry, thanks for helping me Toge. I'm sorry I was such a baby.' He hesitated for a while, but he was tired of throwing food names at you, so he grabbed some of that fiery courage and leaned towards you, placing his thin, soft lips on your forehead. It was brief, but full of tenderness. Your cheeks throbbed and his lips were on fire.

The memory of that moment stayed with Toge on his way to the office, grazing his lips with the tips of his fingers, as if that could be the same as feeling your velvety petal skin all over again. Even the exquisite scent of your hair had returned to him.

As he opened the door, he noticed another object apart from Gojo's chair. A respiratory machine placed against the corner, next to your bed. The flush from his cheeks had drained and his face fell once more.

Shoko was sitting on her desk, picking at her brain furiously, going back and forward between a white board and some files. She didn't even became aware that Toge was standing in the middle of the room. He quietly grabbed a pen and a piece of paper, trying to communicate for the first time in hours.

Tapping her on the shoulder, he made her drop a few papers.

"¡Inumaki! Shit..." she brought a hand to her chest. "You startled me, and that's not a very easy thing to do."

'¿What happened?' he showed him the paper and Shoko gave a loud sigh.

"She stopped breathing for herself. We had to get her a ventilator. The organs are very stressed, holding onto that last bit of hope. Could be from the changes in her blood pressure. Things are slowing down and I-" she gave a loud sigh. "I'm just trying to look for answers." she concluded stretching her arms towards the pile of books, notepads, sticky notes, files and papers scattered all over her desk.

Toge made a ball out of the piece of paper and threw it to the side, walking up to your bed. There you were, pallid, haggard... Like a ghost of your former self.

'Like death's beggining to warm up to you, instead of me not having you here because-' Toge stopped himself for a moment at his next thought. 'I didn't want to seem more of a freak to you than I already was. I didn't need you to forget about me either. The only thing that makes me feel vulnerable is not being able to protect you.'

Silent tears were escaping his eyes.

'I've been holding back, I don't want to cry with all my heart. I still... want to hold on to hope. If I let myself go, you'll be gone... Even if I'm missing something, like my stupid arm, I know you won't think of me as worthless. You don't. I'm sorry that I sent you to hell, when the only thing you wanted to do was to make sure that I was still breathing. Regardless of what I've lost- I know... You love me.'

He slowly pulled at the blanket that kept you covered, until your whole body was on display. Still in your uniform, you were wearing your blue plaid dress and your knee high socks. His eyes were fixated on that spot, just between the cuff of your sock and the seam of your dress. Thinking of you always brought great comfort to him, but that place in particular was so strong, golden, smooth, and just, the death of him.

He felt ashamed thinking about you in that way, at a time like that. You were both suffering, but sometimes you would enter his mind in the form of fantasies. You were nothing but a dream to him, and that spot was just in between of everything that was a part of you. He knew that if he squeezed you just right, sliding up your curves with his tender grip, he'd be blessed with heaven, and going on the opposite direction would only bring him to his knees.

'I only want you back.' he thought.

Toge pressed the tip of his finger against your thigh, but many hours had passes, and now it had turned to cold, hard meat.

He held on to the siderail of the bed. The anxiety was taking over him as you were slipping from his grasp entirely. He put down the zipper of his neck, one of the ones you had gifted to him that Valentine's. He hesitated for a moment, but he had thought about this on the last few minutes he had spent in the shower.

Toge looked over his shoulder, with a trail of tears painted across his cheeks, seeing as Shoko was still engulfed in her own thoughts. She was doing everything she could, but time always runs out. He had to do something. Toge took a deep breath and opened his mouth, softly resting his hand on yours.

"Y/n, listen to me." he said in a barely audible voice. "Listen, I'm Toge."

He looked at you, holding his breath. What he was trying was desperate, borderline insane. Something Shoko must've thought about, but wouldn't dare suggest. Even if Toge was willing, she would never allow it.

Clearing his throat, he tried to sound more confident this time. He brought his lips much closer to your ear, so he could speak to you a little louder.

'Listen to me. Come back." his throat was starting to itch, even if he had minized his technique. 'Inumaki Toge. Remember me.'

He straightened up, scanning your face like a machine, but you remained the same. Laying in bed, motionless. Not even a brow twitched, not a movement behind your eyelids, not even a grip from your hand could be felt. Toge gritted his teeth, tightening his grip around your wrist this time.

'Listen to me.'

This time Ieiri heard him, turning around slowly. She noticed the muscles of his back contracting, as his shoulders were moving up and down due to his elaborate breathing. She called out to him in a authoritative tone.

'¡Inumaki Toge! ¡Stop right this second!'

'¡Listen! ¡Listen! ¡Y/n!'

Shoko put her hands over her ears, watching Toge react involuntarily from the reflexes caused by the coughs trapped between each word. She tried to get a hold of him, but she fell to her knees with the next ear-splitting bomb that came out of Toge's mouth, watching as the thick strands of blood that fell from his lips made a pool on the floor.

'¡TOGE, STOP. FUCKING STOP! YOU'LL GET US KILLED.'

'¡LISTEN TO... ME... Y/n! ¡LIS-TEN...!'

Toge collapsed on the floor, wide eyed and in complete agony as his breathing was caught on what he had left for a throat. His crimson tinted lips parted, as the blubbly liquid mixed with his muccus oozed out of the corners of his mouth, while the tears burned his eyes. Shoko tried to get up, but the ringing in her ears just wouldn't stop. She could feel her brain bouncing against the walls of her skull, as if someone had grabbed her, throwing her head full-force against a concrete wall. After a few minutes, she regained some of her hearing, turning her head to the side, barely able to open her eyes from the huge headache.

Slowly but surely, Toge's shape came into focus after a few tries to readjust her vision. He was sprawled out on the floor, shagged out and fighting for breath.

'Good, he's still alive.' Ieiri thought to herself.

The door burst open, and she looked up to see Ijichi with horror written all over his face, trying to make out the scene.

"Ijichi, help Toge out while I pull myself together."

"Of course." he said, still in shock, placing Toge on Gojo's armchair.

"I'm going to have to make you a list, see if you can do a little scavenger hunt. Look for as many bottles of throat remedy and cough drops that you cand find." Helping herself, she put his whole hand on the surface of the desk to pull herself up. "God, I swear he's trying to kill me."

She glanced at Toge. His throat muscles were painfully swollen and he was drenched in his own blood.

"¿How's Y/n?" She asked Ijichi, still unable to take one step without seeing double.

"She is-" Ijichi replied, moving fast to replace your bed sheets, but he stopped dead in his tracks. "Her hand twitched, I saw-"

Before he could even finish, Shoko rushed to his side bumping into him. Your middle and index finger were indeed twitching.

"It's as if she is trying to make some sort of "v" sign ¿Huh?" Ijichi said.

"I don't know, but Toge couldn't help it and used his cursed speech technique on her again. Trying to get her to listen, wanting to bring her back."

"I see." Ijichi adjusted his glasses. "That's... 'Ouch'."

"I know."

Shoko looked at your fingers intently, waiting for another sign from you, but that was it. She was deep in thought, once again.

"¿How much time do you think she has left?" Ijichi asked.

"Well, her body was shutting down, this could only be a reflex for all I know, I-" she couldn't stop sighing, trying to come up with any possible solution. "What we do now, is that the curse went from erasing Toge from her memory, to fighting with her brain, to shutting down her body. But now, this is... unexpected."

"She's a fighter."

"She is, although- ¡Ah!" making her way around the bed to go check on Toge, she slipped on his blood, this time hitting her head hard against the floor. Ijichi was next to her immediately to help her get up, but she was frozen in place. She stared at her own bloody hand, then looked up at Toge for some reason, but her eyes widened when she noticed something else.

"¡Look, Ijichi!" she said. "No- ¡Not my hands! Look up."

From their place on the ground, they could see the other side of your face. A thin red thread of blood could be seen falling from the corner of your lips. Shoko grabbed onto Ijichi and stood up with her eyes dancing between you and Inumaki.

Toge was unconscious, but he would survive. He should be dead though, same as you.

"¿Could it be that Inumaki got to her just now?" Ijichi asked. "They are holding onto each other somehow. The question is '¿How?'."

'Maybe he half-assed it.'

'Maybe.'

"That thing Maki said. 'He half-assed it'. Yeah, I think he did. He's not completely out of there. There is an invisible string."

'Say, the strings in her brain that are tied to everything that have to do with you must be very strong.' that's what she said to Toge.

"Hm, but that's not entirely the reason why she's been able to resist this long. ¿Is it? It's evident at this point. There's gotta be something else." Shoko started pacing around the room, thinking out loud, while Ijichi remained silent knowing better than to interrupt her. "This is cursed speech ¿Right? So it backfires on the user. The first time Toge screamed at her there were repercussions. He coughed up blood, just like he did moments ago, but apart from feeling devastated by his actions for the rest of the day, there were no other side effects. As time went on, Y/n started to feel the curse slowly eating away at her brain in the form of a headache, but that didn't reflect on Toge."

"¿How did you not notice that before?" Ijichi asked leaning against the window sill with his arms crossed against his chest.

"I don't know, perhaps everything that's been going on outside of these four walls might give you an idea to start with." she said sitting in her chair.

"Right. Well, I have a theory, if I may."

"Be my guest." Shoko replied lightning up a cig.

"¿What if the part of her brain that was suppossed to recieve the command was shielded?"

"¿You mean cursed energy? ¿In her brain?" she asked letting the smoke escape through her lips.

"¿Where else?" Ijichi shrugged.

'Oh, look who it is. It's been years." Shoko said opening the door to you and Maki with a slight grin.

'This one's staying." Maki pointed at you 'She has a throbbing head and there's, uh, you know... Our little guest that needs to recover, our ally.'

Shoko paused for a second, looking at Maki straight in the eye. The both of them stood there for quite a while. Quite funny to you, but also boring.

Shoko wanted to get it, whatever 'it' was, and Maki was praying that she would.

'She's making me babysit the one arm cursed speech technique guy. I'll be around, and you'll give me lots of painkillers. There, fixed it for you.' you said patting Maki on the back.

'¡Oh!' Shoko reacted as Maki let out a huff. 'Yeah, of course. I need help with that, totally. ¿Why don't you pour yourself some coffee and then I'll take you to his room?' Shoko was carrying the most expressionless look of the century on her face, without taking her eyes off Maki that looked unfazed, trying to keep it casual for the peeps. Even though it was only literally just the three of you in there.

'Yeah, cool.' you said spotting the coffee jar and mugs on one side of the room.

Maki and Shoko watched you like a hawk as you distanced yourself, and then turned around the minute you were out of ear's reach.

'¿Are you crazy?'

'Wow, first Yuta, and now you I guess.' Maki raised her eyebrows.

'¿Well?' Shoko gave her an annoyed look.

'Look, it's been getting worse. First it was only confusion, but now it has turned to pain. I can't bring her with us, you have to figure it out and then release her back to us. Toge in tow.'

'Maki-'

'I'm worried. ¿Okay? Cursed speech doesn't have a reputation of being a nice and simple technique. If something's going on in there you-'

'Okay, okay. Fine, I got it.' Shoko cleared her throat. Her and Maki looked over their shoulders, but you were enthralled by the little fish tank next to the window.

'Thanks' Maki said 'Toge is not going to leave this alone, just so you know. He won't hurt her twice, but he's dying to undo what he did, so, you know...'

'I know.'

After Maki left, Shoko gave you some pointers to interact with the "new" sorcerer.

The cursed speech technique is something that came from one of the Big Three Sorcerer Families, the Inumaki Clan to be exact. The reputation of said technique far exceeded that of the members responsible for holding such power. It was one of the most respected techniques, and also the most feared by an opponent.

'I'm a little excited for this, too much in fact.'

'Sorry to burst your little bubble, but you'll be in and out of that room in less than a blink. The guy needs his rest. You'll be properly introduced, that's all.' Shoko stared at you, already cursing at Maki for not coming up with a better plan.

'Party pooper. ¡Ouch! Ah- ¡Ugh!' you immediately brought a hand to your forehead applying some pressure.

'¿Is it too much? The pain, I mean.' Shoko asked with a blank stare.

'Even my eyes feel swollen. I, uh...' your vision became kind of blurry for a second. 'Everything seems to be in order, but there's this huge gap I can't seem to fill in. I've been trying really hard all day.'

'A lot's happened. It could only be stress.' Shoko said, feeling a little too guilty, as she was having a really bad feeling. Mainly because Toge directed his command straight to your brain. What Maki implied was that the technique wasn't really forgiving of its victims, so it was a 'wait and see' type of thing.

'Hmm... ¿Who knows? We should go, I'm feeling a little drowsy all of a sudden.' you said, stretching your arms while emitting a big yawn.

'Okay, but remember Y/n, no questions.'

'Yeah, yeah. I get it. 'just keep an eye on him, but don't get too close...', 'He could act on impulse, we don't know him well...'' You went on to recite Shoko's words from earlier, rolling your eyes at her. 'I have a little secret inside my head, just in case.' you said under your breath, but Shoko heard that as she was opening the door for you.

'¿Excuse me wha-?'

Her eyes widened all of a sudden, as she watched you tilt your head back and your eyes rolled back inwardly. It was so sudden, like you just had been shot by a invisible bullet between your eyebrows. Arms stretched forward and legs hanging mid air... It was as if a lighting strike had pierced right through you, pushing you back with tremendous force. You fell onto the floor and immediately started to seizure. After what felt like an eternity, you just gave in, your body went quiet and you didn't regain your consciousness.

"I think you are right." Shoko said, tilting her head towards Ijichi, with a glint of hope in her eyes.

'I have a little secret inside my head, just in case.'

Their heads turned in the direction of the armchair. Toge had his eyes open, and looked like he had been regurgitated by the devil himself. Shoko stood up, now standing in front of him.

"Listen, Inumaki. There still might be a chance."

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kiwiwinjindouche · 5 months

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Happy New Year!

(a bit late tho but still)

hm well, hello everyone!

that's hella embarrassing, it's been 6 months already

But I'm not dead! I'm sorry if I ever made you worry about me or anything, truly

August, I got lost into other things to do IRL and then, I've put my hands on BG3. And I kid you not, I've been so utterly obsessed by this game I've played 200 hours in 1 month or so. Now I'm at 700 hours. I've not played the early access, I just couldn't stop playing this until like, october, because there I had to split my time with school works too.

I've, somehow, managed to have a break with playing BG3 with the holydays, because I simply couldn't do it, and now idk I'm slowly stumbling back into Dishonored for some reasons!

That being said, me being completely not normal about BG3 didn't help, and with each passing day, I was getting more and more anxious to come back here and didn't know how to come back somehow? cuz that's just how I can be sometimes, it can take me a lot of times to being a decent human. I'm sorry. I'm working on that.

But I never forgot about you all and idk if I'll be able to catch up with everything that has being posted here these past months but that's alright, I guess! If you made something you're really proud of or you want to show it to me I'll gladly see it!

If we (at least know a little about) each other I'm fine with giving you my discord, in case... idk what, just in case I suppose. Could be easier than Tumblr's DM? I've been more active on Twitter too.

Thank you if you read all that, and once again I'm really sorry about this.

Best wishes upon you all, take care of yourselves and I love you <3

#dagyne_rambles #hello tumblr it's me again

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i-will-always-be-happy · 2 years

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Warning: This fanfic contains tickles. Also remind them that I don't speak English, so if they find any errors, let me know to correct it. I hope you like it!

Summary: Tanjiro tells Shinobu about the encounter he had with Iguro and Sanemi. Shinobu knows that it was partially her fault, so she decides to apologize by helping Tomioka take revenge.

Lers: Kocho Shinobu, Giyuu Tomioka and Kanroji Mitsuri

Lees: Iguro Obanai and Sanemi Shinazugawa

(Part 2)

A few hours after that 'incident' they had with Tomioka, Sanemi and Iguro decided to carry out their activities normally, not worrying that Tomioka would take revenge on them since it was 2 vs 1. But Sanemi had some memories from before, when he and his siblings enjoyed themselves in the same way. 'I should stop thinking about that, that was before', he thought as he walked until loud laughter broke him out of his thoughts. 'What the fuck is that?', he approached slowly and the closer he got the stronger they were. It was a quick look, but the haori he saw was unmistakable, it was Iguro. 'Damn Tomioka, you'll see you'll be dead if you dare,' he cursed him under his breath. 'Awww you're so cute Iguro - San!', Sanemi peeked out again. It wasn't Tomioka who was making Iguro laugh, it was Mitsuri? He sighed in relief thinking that it was a game between them.

'Looks like they're having fun, doesn't it?', a voice from behind Sanemi spoke. 'Are you spying on me Kocho?', he turned to face her. 'Me?! Never! I only heard laughter and decided to go closer to see what was happening. Looks like Iguro and Mitsuri are having fun, right?', Shinobu smiled. 'I don't know and I don't care, if Iguro did something and now he's being punished for it it's not my problem.' 'Shinazugawa, why are you lying? A little bird told me what you and Iguro did with Tomioka-San', Sanemi was about to reply when she continued. 'Don't think that it was Tomioka-san who told me that. It was my fault, for not thinking about the situation better and exposing him like that, so I'll take revenge for him myself', she approached him. Sanemi laughed mockingly 'Please Kocho, I have more strength and height than you. You're not going to take me down', he walked in the opposite direction from her while he looked at her out of the corner of his eye 'Maybe she doesn't, but I do', he was quickly grabbed and knocked to the ground. 'GAH! Damn... Who?! Tomioka?!', he look at him angrily. 'Hello Sanemi, it seems that you are in a situation similar to mine', a small evil smile formed on his face

'I knew it was you, you fucking traitor!' he cursed him. 'I didn't say anything to her. She already told you, maybe you don't know how to hide your actions well enough', he replied. 'Fuck you Tomioka Giyuu!', he began to squirm. He held his hands tightly as Shinobu sat on his legs, completely immobilizing him. 'Sanemi, we don't threaten each other. That is bad behavior that should also be corrected', she smiled mischievously as she looked at her partner and winked at him. 'So?! And why don't you correct this bastard?!', his patience was reaching the limits. 'I've already told you that I'm not taking revenge, the one doing it is Kocho. I'm just helping her, because we're friends', he looked at her and smiled

'Hey Kocho... Since we're friends can I ask you something?' 'Of course Tomioka-San, what's wrong?', answered his friend's question. 'Sanemi asked me if I was ticklish in one place, what does that mean?' Sanemi blushed slightly and froze. 'It may have been because he wanted to know if they shared the same ticklish spot. What place did he tell you?', she prepared to make his attack Sanemi tried to pick her up, but every time he tried, Tomioka stopped him. 'Right here', he placed both hands in the space between Sanemi's ribs and armpits, who responded with a snort. 'Damn Tomioka... Don't you dare' 'As he said before, he might not but I do', she smiled and began to touch the place Tomioka indicated. 'F-fuck, s-stop it! I'm serious!', he tried to hold back his laughter as long as he could. 'As soon? But if she has just started, she is also barely touching you. You are an exaggerated Sanemi', he mocked 'D-don't tease!' 'I think it's time to make him laugh for real', Shinobu put her hands under Sanemi's uniform and started to tickle the place with some force. 'SHIT! N-NO! STOP!', he was fighting with all his might. 'Stubborn', Tomioka added his fingers to help her, it broke him. 'ACK! YOU FUHUHUCKING BAHAHAHASTAHAHARD!', he arched his back, trying in vain to escape from his companions. 'Not so much fun now, is it? Plus I'm following your advice to smile more,' he laughed. 'SHUT THE FUCK UP! LEHEHET ME GOHOHO!!', he wasn't about to give up so easily.

'I think you should apologize to him, Shinazugawa,' she tried to give him a chance to stop. 'NEVER!', he preferred to keep holding on to apologize to him. 'Well, he asked for it', he winked at her friend

Shinobu wasn't sure it would work, but she didn't lose anything in trying. He ran his index finger over one of his scars, the truth is that it worked better than he planned. 'NOT THAT!!', the tingling increased with that touch and he was sure that by tickling him there, he would be forced to apologize to make them stop 'Why not? Too ticklish?', his blush was more noticeable now, shaking his head. 'Well since you're not, you won't mind me analyzing that scar.' There was no way for him to escape, his worst places were exposed and neither would stop until he apologized. But we are talking about Sanemi, he is stubborn. 'Last chance Sanemi, you choose. Apologize to Tomioka or you'll be laughing uncontrollably', he ignored her and concentrated on not laughing. 'Well, you were warned.' It didn't take long for him to start laughing uncontrollably and ask them to stop 'STAHAHAHAAP!!! PLEHEHEHEHAHAHAHSE!!! *snort* NAHAHAT THEHEHERE!! *screech* WHY THERE?!', tears threatening to spill down his flushed face. 'No', Tomioka was acting the same way he acted when he was in that position. 'SHIHIHIT!! TO-TOMIOKA!!! KOHOHOCHO!! STAHAHAP!!'. 'Do you really want us to stop? You had more than one chance to avoid this, but you preferred to hold on' Shinobu's touches were as soft as a feather, while Tomioka's had the strength to keep him laughing. Tears finally spilled out of him eyes, now he knew what Tomioka had suffered, and what Iguro would have also suffered with Mitsuri. 'OKAHAHAY!! *snort* TO-TOMIOKAHAHAHA!! *snort* I-I'M... SORRY!!', he had no choice but to apologize. 'I don't know, you decide Tomioka-San, do you forgive him or not?'

'TOMIOKA!! PLEHEHEHEHAHAHAHSE!!! OH GOHOHOD!! I'M GONNA DIHIHIE!!!', his look made Tomioka feel sorry. 'I forgive him, he's going to need air', they stopped their attack. He collapsed onto Tomioka's chest as he tried to catch him breath, 'Th-thanks….', he said weakly. 'Everything alright Shinazugawa?', Shinobu got off his legs and walked over to him. 'Y-yeah, thanks for stopping', again the memories came back to him mind. 'Do you like this too?' Sanemi looked at her in confusion. 'What are you talking about?' 'You liked that we tickled you, didn't you?', he didn't know, before he saw it as a fun activity but now his mentality was not the same

'I think so, but he's too shy to say it,' he laughed. 'Shut up Tomioka, it's a silly but fun kid's game,' he changed his sentence when Shinobu started waving her fingers in the air threateningly. 'We understand you, this time I promise not to tell anyone about it. I'm really sorry for saying it in the first place Tomioka-san'. 'No problem, you know my answer,' he wink to which she laughs.

'I think the last time I played this was with Genya, when we were younger,' he sighed. 'I'm not one to get into family trouble, but I think you should try to get along better with your brother Shinazugawa. It's my advice', she said goodbye to them and left. 'Try to do it, you'll never know when it will be the next time you see him', he walked away, following Shinobu. 'Worst of all is that they are right,' he said softly as he remembered how his brother tried to approach him and he was rejected or ignored. 'Forgive me Genya', he walked away from that place, trying to clear his mind of that problem

#demon slayer tickle #Ler! Shinobu #Ler! Giyuu #Lee! Sanemi

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ppnuggie · 2 years

Note

hi hi congrats on 300 followers!!! (Imo you deserve a million but i mean everyone starts somewhere)

This ask is for the 300 follower special!!

personality :: for this part I'll put good and bad personality traits that I have

Good// I've been told that in general I'm a really nice person and that I care a lot for others,,which i do,, I'm very protective over people that I care about and love,, and will not hesitate to throw hands with somebody who disrespects them,, even if I clearly can't win in a fight,, I'm very open to people that I care about,, and I share a lot with them,, I always try to be there for people,, whether they're a good friend or not

Bad// I've also been told that I'm really gullible and will believe just about anything anyone says,, which is also true,, I tend to let myself be used as a doormat for other people,, I'm also a really needy / clingy person,, another thing is that I'm really touchy person,, not sure if that's a good or a bad thing but I put it here anyways,, especially to people I love I always feel the need to be around them and or touching them in some way,, not in the weird kind of way but touching them like holding their hand,having a hand on their shoulder, Etc,, one last thing is that im really quick to trust people,, it has faded over the years with lots of people coming and going,, but even so I am really quick to trust people

For likes and dislikes,, im not sure if you mean 'what i like in a person' or 'things you like in general', but im assuming you mean things in general

likes :: rainy days,, especially when its dark outside,, reading books about things that interest me,, binging movies/tv shows,, playing video games,, talking to my best friend for hours about literally nothing,,the smell of diesel fuel- (im not joking),,watching youtube,,drawing,,the smell of new alcohol markers,, reading tf x reader fics,,hugs,, and cuddles <3

dislikes :: when someone leaves the faucet water purifier on,, being disrupted when im focused on something,, people talking when im trying to focus,, losing my concentration,, when someone takes wayy to long to respond,, people judging me for how i look and the things I like,, not being able to be myself,,yelling,,and when someone is mean to me or my loved ones

fandom :: Transformers!! Either tfp or bayverse u can pick:)

any sort of gender preference :: male please!! Thank you:))

Also just some facts that might help: i wear glasses that always slide down my nose,, i almost never wear shoes in the house,, and i have a big bumblebee plush from g1 that i always carry with me :)

tysm !! 🥹🥹 im slowly gaining some <33 but hopefully ill reach my next goal ,, 500 followers 😎😎 also i wear glasses too but they slide down too 😭😭 i dont wear them unless im watching smt on tv tho 💀💀 i just cant see too far away ,, heres your matchup thoo !! tysm for being a follower of mine and supporting my content 🥹❤️🙏 i went with tfp with this as well :D also i do like the smell of gasoline too 💀💀 ion know why but i do ,, not that i actively participate in smelling it 💀😭

𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 :

- ratchet

- breakdown

𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐒 :

- ratchet

• whilst ratchet comes off as disinterested or grumpy most the times ,, he does have a slight interest towards you

• he does like that you care a lot for everyone at base ,, but he doesnt say anything about it

• occasionally he’ll spare you a genuine smile or two ,, not much for pda but in private moments he doesnt mind your hands all over him

• he’ll let you set on his shoulder or rest against his helm if it makes you feel better <3

• he doesnt play video games ,, but he can agree that he does love rainy days on earth ,, the soft raindrops bring him comfort and peace

• he can also relate to the losing concentration part 💀 he cant stand it

- breakdown

• hes more loud then ratchet is and more energetic then the old medic

• but it isnt much of a bad thing ,, he does tone it down when hes around you ,, taking notice of your dislike towards yelling

• he’ll definitely play games with you in his mass displaced form tho :D !!

• and for rainy days ,, he’ll take you on drives so you can experience it ,, he’ll drive slow and smooth ,, play soft music and just enjoy both of your guys’ comfort

• he will also binge movies with you ,, he is interested in what you humans come up with for entertainment anyways

• he doesnt mind touching either ,, he really loves it 🥹 he loves your affection a lot <33 so you dont gotta worry about that

𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐎 :

soft rain pattered against the window ,, rolling down and away from your view. the sky was a dark grey ,, the sun nowhere to be seen. warm air blew through breakdown’s ventilation ,, keeping you cozy in his alt mode as he drove slowly down the empty road.

he found out that you had enjoyed the rain ,, and soon grew to understand why. he even had a special place in his spark for the weather on earth. even if he wasnt much a fan of the cold or super hot days ,, he didnt mind the rainy weather. not only didnit provide a nice free shower but also time with you.

soft melodies played out his radio ,, strolling down the black road and going who knows where. the scenery was calm and peaceful ,, the moment you two shared would definitely be cherished.

#🏷.300 follower event

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yautjan · 2 years

Note

Ok, I'm Ari! hi!! I feel so weird asking this, and I hope this comes across as friendly as possible! Here goes-

This is wild but- in your most recent chapter, Ingo's little circle thumb rub... Some other behaviors in previous chapters... I've mentioned it in passing before but, we have REALLY similar headcanons for the boys?? Like, you'll add something and I'm sitting here vibrating in my chair like YES HE DOES THAT. HOW ARE YOU READING MY MIND. WTF.

Like, to the point that I'm wondering if... You've seen a post of mine on tumblr about it at some point? (It's literally the pinned post on my Submas blog @tragictrainmen) I know we as a community like to post our own headcanons for the boys, and those posts tend to slowly be absorbed by the collective Submas consciousness over time, so this isn't an accusation of copying or anything! but it's silly that I can't help but wonder if a headcanon list post I made actually inspired some of your own personal concepts for them hahaha. Idk how to word this In a way that doesn't sound weird or creepy? I've read over this 10 times ;^;

Basically, I am just incredibly happy to have found a fanfiction that coincidentally lines up so well with how I see them. It's like, the golden apple in the orchard. You know those jokes where they say 'no one writes content of your character the way you like so you have to go and write it yourself'? Anyway uh, you beat me to it lmao. You write them so good. Like you plucked them out of my head and onto paper. But you plucked them out of YOUR head bcus apparently??? *Pointing* Same hat!

And like!! It's not all the same lol. But the similarities that are there are sometimes so uh.. specific? For lack of a better word. Like, Ingo absent-mindedly stimming by rubbing his thumb on things?? What?? How?? I'm sitting here like 🤝 over every little thing haha. I'm not even sure if I'm asking you anything here at this point, but this thought has been building up in my mind for weeks and I just had to say something or I was gonna explode. 😅

Oh! Also! I wanted to tell you that I actively look forward to your chapter updates and they're the highlight of my day! 🥰

Hi there!!

First of all, you sound just fine, don't even worry!! I'm so honored you even came over here to ask and inquire and share these thoughts on top of the already wonderful things you have to share on the fic itself! AHHHHHH--

I have not seen the post in question until just this moment, and I'm replying before I go read it in full. The only headcanon I've specifically and consciously pulled from the fandom is Emmet flapping his hands when he's talking animatedly--everything else that is quirky ND-stuff the train twins do is either osmosis from reading other people's writings, my own personal headcanons/choices, and my own experiences as someone who is Also an autistic/adhd adult. (There is of course now a near-guarantee I will further osmosis your headcanons into the story once I delve into them so if anything else shows up then hey, welcome aboard to my Autistic Blorbo Show)

Honestly though what an honor to have the same hat. I was hit over the head with how much I fell in love with these goofy train men and their autism stares and the story potential the games gave us fans. And there's so many depictions I have read of them I enjoy but I just really wanted to write them with all the genuine honesty I could of being autistic adults in terrible situations (and semi-adopted kids to take care of). Emmet especially reflects so much of my own mental processing, while Ingo is much closer to how I mask. Together they combine into Super Relatable Autistic People and I'm just. So glad I'm not alone/that people enjoy this depiction of these poor little meow meows.

In summary

you 🤝 me very autistic train men

#submas #moose answers #in tandem au

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with-love-from-hell · 2 years

Note

headcanons for an Mc with cptsd and the brothers accidentally trigger them? (Not during the actively violent parts in the Canon game....just little things that remind them of trauma.)

Ah yes! I can definitely do this! As someone with C-PTSD, It is something I see in fics a lot that I havent ever felt relatable to my own experience so I will try to reflect that in here for anyone else who's experienced the same thing in the fandom! (I've been thinking about making this into a series as well but its on the backburner for now until I finish the main two I'm working on)

The Brothers Accidentally trigger Mc's C-PTSD

Fandom: Obey me

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Headcanons

Written for GN!MC

CW: C-PTSD, panic attacks, Self-injurious behavior (e.g. hair-pulling, head-banging, scratching), implications of past abuse, somewhat suggestive on Asmo’s part, spoilers for lessons 16+

Lucifer

He, frankly, has no idea how we got here.

One minute they were fine, but the next Mc is shaking violently and sobbing.

When he tried to approach uou for comfort, you began screaming "No" at him and completely backed yourself as far away as possible

Lucifer is usually pretty insightful but it will take him a few minutes to figure out what it is he did wrong.

Eventually he will realize that it was the way he raised his voice at Mammon after he tried to swipe one of his priceless vases from the common room.

He will approach you slowly, soften his voice as best he can, and try to calm you down by getting you to take deep breaths.

He won't get too close at first for fear of having you bolt on him, but as you come down from the panic he will slowly inch closer.

Once you're lucid enough, he will apologize and ensure that aggression was not directed at you, and that he wasn't going to hurt you.

Lucifer will also offer you physical comfort if you want, holding his arms out for you.

He will completely abandon all of his tasks and take you to either his room or the study, and will spend the rest of whatever is left of the day listening to calming music with you.

He will make you whatever your calming drink of choice is (tea, coffee, hot coco, warm milk, etc) and ensure you're drinking enough water.

He will play games with you as a distraction. Chess, checkers, cribbage, mancala...(really whatever game you want to play)

He will also ensure you have some tactile comfort, whether that be a feather from his wings, one of the plushies he won you from the Carnival, or the gyroscope in his office.

If you want to talk about it, he will be there to lend an ear. Really he wants to learn more about you and other humans, so this will be something he is very intently listening too. He may ask some questions, but will only have you answer them if you feel comfortable doing so.

He will ask what your triggers are so he can avoid doing something to hurt you- even if they go against his usual nature.

Expect him to be very careful from now on, chosing his words carefully and watching his tone the next time he gets angry at one of his brothers and you're around.

Mammon

He really doesn't mean what he says when he insults you. He just is too embarrassed to admit how he feels.

But when he tells you your useless and stupid for the hundredth time, it finally makes you snap.

He stands there dumbfounded after you run away from him sobbing, not really knowing what to do.

After he snaps out of his daze, he immediately goes to find you. He had gotten into the habit of the insults, and you would never really give a response other than a wince and going quiet.

Well...now that he thinks about it, that's maybe a sign it has been grating on you.

He finds you in your room, sobbing relentlessly on the floor with your arms scratched up to hell and back.

At first he panics- seeing you hurt yourself terrified him. He rushes over to you and tears your nails away from your arms.

When you begin to beg him not to hurt you and profusely apologize for being "just a stupid fuck up", his heart breaks.

He would apologize relentlessly and admit to you everything- why he insults you all the time, how worried he was, how much he loves you.

He would do his best to calm you down (I say do his best because he may end up making it worse before he realizes what you need)

From here on out, he definitely would be more mindful of the insults, trying his best to be open with you about his feelings, or at least be more gentle with his teasing.

There may be times when he slips up, but he makes sure to atone as best his can

He would also be very sensitive to when others insult you, making sure to immediately come to your defense. He would also take you aside afterwards and remind you just how much you mean to him, how smart you are, how helpful you've been to everyone, etc...

Levi

In hindsight, Levi should have seen this one coming...Of course he would fuck everything up

He wanted to be closer to you, but he remembered that being closer to someone entails you seeing his deeper flaws...and well...his impatience and easily triggered frustration are definitely some big ones.

But even so...your reaction to him throwing his controller and yelling when he dies the thousandth time on his new game seemed to be way over the top.

One minute you were sitting excitedly in the chair next to him, watching him game...and the next you were literally cowering in the furthest corner of his room and shielding your body from him as best you can.

He tries to approach you, but your screamed apologies for what you'd "done" to "make him angry" make him halt.

After a few moments of gears turning, it clicks to him that you've experienced something like this before...but directed at you.

Cue the festering guilt. He never meant to hurt you...damn these video games, you're more important to him than some stupid boss fight.

He will likely text one of his brothers (either Lucifer or Satan) and ask what to do, because he is terrified of hurting you more.

Once he has an idea of how to help though, he will be very calm and gentle, albeit nervous. He will likely offer you tactile comfort- like his Ruri-Chan pillow, or letting you pet his tail.

Once your comfortable enough, he'd hold your hand and make sure you know you've done nothing wrong, and that this is something he needs to fix himself.

And he will work on it, but it will take a bit of time. Old habits die hard for Levi, so he will have to be very intentional about his work on his irritability, and will probably opt for easier games when you're around to avoid outbursts.

Satan

This is the exact situation he'd feared would happen.

It really was an accident...and Satan knew that. But he just couldn’t help getting angry when you knocked over a stack of rare books... especially after one of the books ended up ruined by one of his absentmindedly placed candles.

His room was always a mess, and even he knocked over the stacks of books littering the floor from time to time...and besides, he was the one who insisted you come to his room to read because he found the clutter in his room more comfortable, so he knew a lot of the blame fell on him.

Regardless, he was so used to lashing out at others and blaming them for his upset, that his anger came out directed toward you.

He impulsively snapped at you, scolding you intensely for being clumsy, careless, and unaware of your surroundings.

He regretted the words the minute they fell from his mouth as your eyes grew misty with tears and your body began to tremble...He must have raised his voice louder than intended.

He tried to apologize immediately but you flinched when he approached. His heart ached when he say you jerk your body away from him so violently, as if you were afraid he would lay a hand on you.

He stood, dumbfounded, as you ran from the room in a fit of uncontrolled sobs and shuttered breathing.

He caught up to you quickly though, because- in your re-activated state- you became disoriented in the spiraling halls of the HOL.

He found you on the floor in the music room, curled up against the Grand Piano as you rocked yourself back and forth and cried.

He would hesitate to approach you, worried he may frighten you more...but after hearing your hyperventilating become worse, he sucks back his anxiety and approaches you cautiously.

He would sit next to you- as close as you’d allow him to get- and gently reassure that you were safe and that he wasn’t going to hurt you.

He would try to help guide you through some circular breathing exercises, finding that doing it with you helped ease his worry as well.

Once you were breathing evenly again, he would apologize about his reaction to the accident, taking the responsibility of ensuring his room is free of hazards that could get in anyone’s way regardless of if they were clumsy or not.

If you weren’t able to talk, he would try to help you communicate how you could - squeezing his hand to yes/no questions, ASL if you know it, or in drawing/writing.

He would offer to go on a walk if you still found yourself activated, doing his best to help you back down mentally. If you didn’t want to leave the house, he’d have you help him make some tea and some baked goods to distract your thoughts.

Satan would definitely opt to read in your room or the library with you more often than not because he cant trust himself to ensure his room is clean enough, and he tried his best to continue improving his anger-management techniques he learned from some self-help books.

Asmo

Asmo is a bit confused as to what’s happening with you, and that fuels his own worry.

Did he do or say something wrong? One minute he was kissing you on his bed, making slow efforts to explore your body...and the next you’re screaming for him to get off of you and to stop.

Obviously he listens. He wouldn’t ever dream of hurting you. Just the thought of it tears him up inside.

He tries his best to comfort you- trying to hold your hand, give you a hug, or give you sweet kisses to calm you down, but it ultimately makes things worse.

It isn’t until you lock yourself in his bathroom that he starts to try to put the pieces together. Once he realizes you’re experiencing reactivation, he will feel terrible for not figuring that out sooner.

He wont intrude into the bathroom, but will speak to you through the door. He will do his best to present himself in a non-threatening way, reassuring you that he isn’t going to hurt you like others had in the past and apologizing for not recognizing what you needed.

After he hears your sobbing cease, he will announce he is entering the bathroom. Asmo will be very careful in opening the door slowly, announcing his every action before he does them.

When he sees the fistfulls of hair stuck to your hands and scratches littering your face and neck, he will have to fight the urge to wrap you into a tight hug- reminding himself how that only worked to make the flashback more real.

He will ask to touch you before he does. If you give him permission, he will gently stroke the areas where you had hurt yourself, muttering healing spells over them as he does.

If you try to talk to him, he hushes you. He doesn’t want to hear any apologies for the trauma response and he want’s you to rest yourself in every way.

He will offer to draw you a bath if you’d like, not pushing you to even have him in the room while you relax in the warm water.

If you want him there, of course he’d be there though. But if not, he won’t give any objection. Instead, he will gather as many soft things onto his bed as he can, and get anything you need to feel grounded.

Soothing music or sounds? It’s queued up. Sensory toys? He’s already grabbed a bunch from your room. Calming oils/scents? He’s lit 40 candles already, don’t you worry.

After you get out, he will help you into a nest of blankets and pillows and hold onto your hand while you relax, doing what he can to help. Anything you ask of him, he’s right there to grab it- and he is going to always be reassuring you that he’s not mad or upset with you.

Beel

He didn’t really expect this to happen when he gathered you in his arms for a tight hug after having a long day at RAD.

Perhaps it was the hazy gloom in his mind that made him forget to ask permission before touching you- like he usually does. He would ask to touch you out of courtesy before and wanting to respect your personal space, but now realizes he needs to do it every time because of this.

The minute he wraps his arms around you from behind In the hallway, you yelp loudly and squirm out of his grasp. In the process, you manage to contort your body in such unnatural angles in a desperate attempt to get away from him...so much so that he’s worried you seriously injured yourself.

But when he reaches out to your shoulder, you yelp once more and back yourself as far away from him as you can.

Everything about you looked and felt panicked. The labored breathing, wide eyes, relentless tears, and shaking body.

Beel felt his own nervousness rise at your response. He hadn’t intended to hurt you, and he was worried you thought maybe he was trying to.

Against his better judgement, he reached out again to try to comfort you. This time though, you jolted backwards, slamming your head against the lockers behind you.

Beel panicked, fighting the urge to cradle you in his arms while also trying to make sure you were okay.

Before he could really make any concrete observations though, you began screaming at him to get away from you- catching the attention of other demons in the hall. Beel would also be panicking, desperately trying to look around for one of his brothers to help.

Likely either Satan or Lucifer would be the ones to calm you down, getting you grounded back to reality by taking you into a less crowded play (Satan would likely bring you to the library, Lucifer would bring you to his office).

Beel nervously looks on while they practice the grounding techniques with you, taking note of how to help you in the future.

After you’ve calmed down, he would profusely apologize to you for not realizing he had hurt you and having no idea what to do. Even if you say you forgive him, he still feels very guilty.

He would be open to talking about your triggers and identifying what helps when you are reactivated. He would also go out of his way to learn more and teach his other brothers should they accidentally trigger you as well.

Belphie

Well, it is simply said that whoever your MC is with C-PTSD...seeing Belphie in general is probably a pretty huge trigger.

For the sake of these headcanons though, lets just say that you were able to move past the whole “He killed you in a very gross way and then tried to act like nothing happened” bit that is canon in the game, but that sometimes him cuddling you too tightly triggered you pretty severely.

He would be uncertain how to respond when you suddenly seize up and go completely catatonic when he tries to cuddle up next to you in the attic when you both lay down for a nap.

And Belphie would probably notice pretty quickly. He’s very observant, especially when it comes to you and Beel.

He thinks at first he may have squeezed you a little too tight and you were just uncomfortable. He may crack a joke about you needing to relax because a firm pillow just isn’t comfortable, right?

But he casts all jokes aside when your body begins shaking violently beneath him, and he sees your thousand-yard stare with tears cascading from your eyes like waterfalls.

At this moment, he panics. He doesn’t know what’s happening, and he’s very scared. At first he may think you’re having a seizure.

When he brings his hands to your face to try to hold your head still, he becomes even more concerned with the way it sounds like you can’t breathe.

He would ultimately call on one of his brothers (likely Beel) to help. Once Beel is able to get you to calm down (thanks to what he’s learned from Satan and Lucifer), Belphie would be eerily quiet.

During Beel’s attempts to get you to relax, Belphie overheard him quietly murmur that Belphie wasn’t going to hurt you again, and that would ultimately shatter his heart.

Sometimes he forgets just how much damage he’s done to your psyche, despite the fact that you had forgiven him.

He would probably leave- at least for a bit- because he’s worried about re-triggering you. You would either have to seek him out again yourself or get Beel to bring him back to you.

After a long talk with many apologies on his end, you’re able to make peace with it. Belphie understands he can’t undo what he’s done, but he wants to learn how to make things easier for you.

He will do what he can to help you when you’re triggered, and get whoever you think is the most helpful at helping you down from reactivation- because he knows it wont be him.

He would also make an intentional effort to be even more observant of your moods and physical movements for signs that you may already be in an elevated state that he may make worse.

Overall, he just really doesn’t want you to associate him with the terrible things he’s done anymore...but he doesn’t blame you for it.

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morganaspendragonss · 3 years

Text

so so many thanks to everyone who read even one of these stories. i am forever grateful for all the support i've received; every comment, every kudos, every reblog, every like - they all mean so much. i'm overwhelmed, honestly, but in the very best way. ily all 🥰

day one: against all odds (we're still here) for @trkstrnd

Carlos will hate himself for it later, but he’s so focused on his task that the screech of tires coming around the corner barely registers as a blip on his radar. He doesn’t notice anything until TK suddenly barrels into him, throwing Carlos to the side just before something else, something heavy, crashes into them with a blinding flash of pain, and then—

Nothing.

a simple trip to the grocery store quickly turns to disaster for tk and carlos

day two: out, damned spot for anon

TK wakes up gasping, choking on air. The sheets are suffocating him and, when he tries to free himself, they only seem to get tighter. The hands reaching out for him, trying to calm him, are the final straw; TK throws himself from bed and sprints to the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind him as he collapses against the sink.

On some level, he is aware that the hands were Carlos’s, that the sheets were theirs, that his hands are clean, and that the dream was just a dream.

But they weren't always that way.

day three: the meetings for those in my wake for @freddieholic

For years after the divorce, Gwyn came to learn that any call from Owen was almost certainly bad news, and almost always about their son. Things have been better in the three years since her time in Texas, which is why she thinks nothing of it when he calls just after she’s put Isaac to bed for the night.

“Owen, hey,” she greets. “What’s up?”

The silence she’s answered with is the first sign that something’s wrong.

The sob that follows is the second.

“Gwyn, it’s TK. He's... They think we should say goodbye."

day four: a friend in me for 📍 anon

Carlos has come to see Nancy as a force of nature, a woman who will let nothing and no-one stand in her way, whether that’s out on the field or during a game of Monopoly. But, right now, as she sits hunched over in one of the interrogation rooms, shock blanket around her shoulders, he's never seen her look so small.

the story of how nancy and carlos become the new champions of 126 games nights

day five: truth is heavier than fiction for anon

Carlos pauses with his hand on the doorknob, taking a moment to prepare himself before going inside. TK’s shift finished an hour ago and he’d texted to let Carlos know he was home, which means Carlos is going to be walking right into a conversation he’d rather avoid.

Not that he’d have much choice either way; he might be able to cover his cracked and bruised ribs for a little while, but the arm in a sling will tell on him as soon as the door opens. Carlos doesn’t want to hide his injuries—they’ve had enough conversations in reverse on that theme to make him a hypocrite if he did—but he may have made some choices that he doesn’t particularly want to go into right now. Not while he’s tired and aching and just wants to cuddle with his boyfriend.

He blows out a breath, then opens the door, bracing himself for TK’s reaction.

“Hey— Shit!”

day six: slowly, and then all at once for @pragmaticoptimist34

The realisation that he loves Carlos hits him like a bolt out of the blue.

And at the worst possible moment.

We are getting updates on the active shooter situation at the Four Seasons Hotel. Austin Police Department have closed off the area and officers are currently preparing to enter the building to detain the suspect. It is as yet unknown if there have been any civilian casualties, but—

“Paul, turn the damn TV back on.”

“No.”

five times tk can't admit his feelings about carlos, and one time he finally does

day seven: the promise of tomorrow for anon

Up until five minutes ago, Carlos had been terrified of never having TK in his arms again. Now, the thought of letting him go scares him just as much, and TK seems to feel the same, if the way he’s clutching at Carlos’s jacket and pulling it tight across his back is any indication.

Carlos hugs him close, sinking down to his knees as TK falls into the chair behind him, letting the rest of the room fade away to nothing as he realises that they weren’t too late—that TK is here, with him, alive and mostly whole.

day eight: we'll hold each other soon for @221bsunsettowers

“Be careful, please,” TK said, smoothing down the lapels of Carlos’s shirt. “Whatever happens out there, whatever you have to do, just promise me one thing. Promise you’ll come back to me.”

Carlos knew better than to promise something like that, and TK knew better than to ask it. But because it was him, and because it was TK, Carlos just nodded and leaned in to press a kiss to TK’s temple.

“I promise,” he whispered, pulling away.

It's the last good memory Carlos has, and he's going to hold onto it for as long as he has left. If he's going to die, then the last thing he wants to see is TK's smile.

day nine: now i am just but the wayward man for anon

Ben is glaring at him again.

Klaus is very familiar with this specific glare—it’s the one Ben breaks out when Klaus is being ‘stubborn’ and ‘stupid’ and ‘a fucking asshole junkie with no self-respect who only cares about the next high and, really, it’s a fucking miracle you haven’t gotten yourself killed yet, Klaus’.

He has to hand it to him. Ben really does have him down to a tee.

winter is approaching and klaus has nowhere to go. his siblings are his only option—meaning he effectively has no options.

day ten: i can't imagine my life without you for 📍 anon

It had come completely out of left field—one minute everything was fine, the next Carlos had turned to him with guarded eyes and a clenched jaw, and said six words that sent TK’s whole world crashing down.

“I think we need a break.”

nobody likes to be asked 'trouble in paradise?', particularly when the answer is yes.

day eleven: start again from the beginning for anon

Owen trusts his son. He’s watched TK fight his addiction and stay sober for the last six years, and he has faith that he can handle himself.

But when TK doesn’t show up for work the night after proposing to Alex, Owen knows that something is wrong. After all, they've been here before.

day twelve: let me love you when your heart is tired for anon

TK knows it’s going to be a bad day from the moment he opens his eyes. Slowly, slowly, each twitch like he’s moving mountains, he inches his hand blindly across the bed to reach out for Carlos. If he can just feel his boyfriend, if he can just see him—

But, of course. Carlos has a shift today. TK has a vague recollection of him getting out of bed at five this morning, rousing him with a shift to the mattress and a gentle kiss on the forehead.

If this were a normal day, he might smile at the memory.

day thirteen: couldn't utter my love when it counted for 📍 anon

TK takes his time in the bathroom, stopping to stare at his reflection in the mirror for several minutes and trying to talk himself down from any more-than-friendly feelings towards Carlos.

Later, they’ll tell him that this saved his life.

But that won’t be for a long time, until after the smoke has cleared and the dead have been counted and the statements have been taken. For now, TK steels his resolve and nods at himself, then turns to the door, a hand reaching out for the handle.

That’s when the explosion rips through the building.

after the boba date, tk lets carlos go. they're friends, which is working just fine, until a horrific accident threatens to take even that away from them.

day fourteen: if i walk out the door (a thousand eyes) for anon

TK gets this feeling sometimes, a sort of prickling at his back, like someone’s behind him, breathing down his neck. At first, it was only a once-in-a-while situation, so he thinks nothing of it; when it becomes an everyday occurrence, he starts to wonder, but he’s probably just being paranoid. The shooting, kidnapping, firehouse explosion, and the fire at his and Carlos’s house had all taken their toll, and TK’s just generally more on edge these days.

He doesn’t tell anyone about the feeling, not even Carlos. There’s no reason to fuck up everyone else’s peace with something so stupid. It’ll go away eventually; TK’s sure of it.

That is, until one of the lots just down from the firehouse gets occupied.

day fifteen: find you here inside the dark for @fanfic-corner

Yaz has walked this room too many times to count now; she’s traced her fingertips over the walls, searching for any cracks or crevices to indicate where there might be a door.

If the Doctor were here, she’d have her sonic out by now, spitting out words, only half of which Yaz could understand. She’d find a way out in no time. Or, if not, at least she’d be here. Talking a mile a minute, probably annoying the hell out of their captors. Yaz can almost hear her now—

Wait.

She can hear her now.

day sixteen: accidents happen for @ilovemosss

So, Jason reflects, it may not have been the best idea to take Pythagoras out training while they’re all suffering from a severe lack of sleep. Being the more logical of them, Pythagoras, to his credit, had attempted to talk him out of it, but Jason ignored him.

He very much regrets that decision now.

day seventeen: you and me (moving through this world as a two-man team) for @laelipoo

TK does not have a crush on the 126's latest hire.

Carlos Reyes: an Austin local, an incredible firefighter, and—objectively speaking—the most beautiful man TK has ever laid eyes on. Which is, in fact, the entire point; TK has eyes and, yes, he will use them to sneak a look or two when he’s suddenly sharing space with a man who looks like a Greek god.

That does not mean he has a crush, Paul.

(and, sure, maybe he does sometimes dream about how soft Carlos’s lips look and the little blush he gets when he laughs and those little flecks of gold in his eyes, but he’s only human)

(how TK knows about the gold in Carlos’s eyes is none of anybody’s business)

day eighteen: in perfect harmony for @anyotherheartwilldo

Here’s the thing—Carlos doesn’t believe in signs. He used to when he was younger, raised on his abuela’s stories, but as he’d gotten older his father had taught him that what mattered was the choices he made. He’s the only one who has a say in the way his life turns out, and if he wants something, he has to put in the work to get it.

But there comes a point—namely, after his fifth thwarted attempt to propose to TK—when he begins to wonder if the universe really does have something against him.

proposing to tk proves far more complicated than carlos had first thought.

day nineteen: whatever here that's left of me (is yours) for anon

“Are you…” TK leans closer, peering at the hoodie Carlos is wearing, and—yep. “Why are you wearing my hoodie? Was there nothing in your size from the crew? You should have said something. We can fix this, you don’t need to be uncomfortable.”

There’s a beat, and then Carlos, studiously avoiding TK’s gaze, clears his throat. “It smells like you.”

post-2.12, carlos finds comfort in tk's hoodies.

day twenty: can't smile without you for anon

Carlos would be lying to himself if the possibility hadn’t occurred to him before. He has always worried for TK’s safety, and the knowledge that a serial killer is on the loose in Austin has sent that worry skyrocketing. Especially because he’s the lead detective on the case; he’s spent hours poring over horrific crime scenes, examining all the facts until they’re burned into his brain.

Admittedly, the killers seem to be mostly indiscriminate in who they take, meaning the chances of it being TK are slim.

But there’s still a chance.

a before, during, and after of tk's kidnapping in a hole where your memory goes

day twenty-one: lately you've been searching for a darker place to hide for @freddieholic

“Can I ask you something else?”

TK stiffens at the sound of Mateo’s voice, a nervous note to it that wasn’t there last time. Something tells him he knows exactly what Mateo wants to ask; still, he turns to lean against the counter, crossing his arms as casually as he can manage. “Sure.”

“Are you…” Mateo trails off, biting his lip and avoiding TK’s gaze. “I mean, do you… I mean—”

“You can say it, you know,” he interrupts, not unkindly. “If you want to know if I’m thinking about heading out and getting high, then just ask.”

five times tk turns to unhealthy coping mechanisms when he wants to use + one time he finally asks for help

day twenty-two: know me crazy, soothe me daily for anon

It had freaked Carlos out the first time it happened.

“It was a seizure,” TK explained, after Carlos had finished telling him about it. TK had been disoriented and confused for about ten minutes after, and couldn’t even remember half of their earlier conversation. “I… It’s because of the drugs. They fucked something up in my brain, especially after my first overdose, and now I get seizures occasionally."

in which carlos gets a little over-protective and tk is mildly exasperated

day twenty-three: lover, be good to me for anon

Carlos holds his arms out, and TK comes willingly, setting what Carlos now recognises as a tray of food carefully on the bed. “What’s this?”

TK stares as if it’s obvious. “Date night.”

“What?”

TK pauses, then gasps. “You’re right.” He pats himself down frantically, then pulls an object out of his pocket with a dramatic flourish. It’s a little electric tea light—real candles long since banned from the bedroom—and Carlos watches in bemusement as TK flicks it on and sets it down on the tray. “Now it’s date night.”

his fiancé being bed-bound isn't going to keep tk from date night

day twenty-four: bring you in from the cold for anon

As a cop, Carlos has always been uncomfortably aware of his own mortality. He’s considered his own death more than is probably healthy, but when you’re facing down the barrel of a gun almost every single day, it’s kind of forced on you.

He’s imagined himself being shot, stabbed, strangled, and everything in between.

But he’s not sure he ever pictured dying in a walk-in freezer after getting trapped there by mistake.

day twenty-five: heaving through corrupted lungs for anon

TK is itching to go home and check on Carlos, to make sure he’s still breathing and actually resting like he’s supposed to be. On the other hand, Carlos would probably kill him if he left work, illness be damned. It’s just… Carlos had looked so ill that morning, skin ashen and voice all but gone, and it had taken a lot of convincing for TK to still go to his own shift. He’d insisted on making sure Carlos had all the blankets and water and snacks and anything else he could possibly want, but even so, he’s still uneasy.

His gut is telling him that something’s wrong, and TK doesn’t think he can ignore it for much longer.

when carlos falls ill, they think it's just a bad cold. but when tk goes to check on him, he's in for a nasty shock.

day twenty-six: slowly becoming lovers for @pragmaticoptimist34

Things don’t get fixed overnight. They agree to give them a shot, but that doesn’t change the fact that TK is still reeling from his break-up and overdose, nor that Carlos is still hesitant and afraid of pushing too hard at once.

But, slowly, they get to know each other. And, slowly, they start to fall in love.

tk and carlos, getting to know each other and falling in love

day twenty-seven: and curse the gods for @girlwhowasntthere

Jason knows what it is to be cursed.

day twenty-eight: ignoring every warning for @moviegeek03

TK is fine.

He is absolutely, 100% fine.

And, sure, maybe he’s not supposed to be at work right now, and maybe his hand hasn’t fully healed yet, but it’s nothing. His doctor cleared him to go back to work, which means it’s healed enough, and TK is certainly not going to admit defeat no matter how much he's hurting.

day twenty-nine: can you beat back the night? for @girlwhowasntthere

He misses the bard. Geralt won’t admit it, not even to Roach, but he misses him. After months—years—of Jaskier’s constant chatter and the sound of his lute, the silence, once valued above all else, is too much.

It’s been months since the dragon, since Geralt lost both Yennefer and Jaskier in one fell swoop. He’s cursed himself many times over for the words he said—to both of them—and cursed himself more for the mistakes he made to get in this position in the first place.

this is the lot of witchers, to be alone.

day thirty: ease my mind for @silvarafael

Briefly, Carlos considers calling TK and telling him about the accident. But… He only broke two of his fingers and it barely even classifies as a minor injury in his book, so there’s really no reason to bother his fiancé while he’s still on shift himself. He pockets his phone then looks around to figure out where the exit is.

Only, an all-too familiar laugh distracts him from his task, drawing his attention to the nurses station.

Where TK is standing, smiling as a nurse swats at him for stealing one of their lollipops.

Carlos is, beyond doubt, fucked.

day thirty-one: scars turn to memories for anon

Their front door is open. It’s wide open, and the wood of the door frame is broken, splinters littering the driveway and the floor of the front room. TK’s heart stops in his chest as he surveys the scene, his brain going blank, struggling to comprehend what he’s seeing.

Everything is quiet in the front room, not even a table setting out of place. TK creeps further into their home, his every nerve on edge as he barely breathes for fear of alerting whoever’s here of his presence.

And then, he remembers.

Carlos was off shift tonight. He was here. Alone.

#masterlist #holly's august extravaganza #fanfiction #my fanfiction #writing #my writing

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millenialfanfictionaddiction · 3 years

Text

Go Go Let's Go! Let's Go! Dateko! (Pt.1)

⚠️THIS FIC IS 18+ NSFW, MINORS DNI ⚠️

Warnings: Swearing

Word count: 7000+

"You're looking at the face of the new captain of Date Techs iron wall" your son Futakuchi Kenji shouted as he burst through the front door of your humble abode.

"So they really went with you huh" you snicker "good maybe now you'll finally learn some respect for Moniwa and those other nice third years"

Kenji huffed as he set his bag down taking off his school tie and jacket.

"You know mom, most parents would be like 'oh my god Kenji I'm so proud of you we can order your favorite tonight I love you so much you sweet sweet child'" he mocks as you stare at him trying not to laugh.

"Since when has that been our relationship Kenji" you smile as you proceed over to your son.

You grab him forcing him into a tight squeeze "Oh I love my boy so much you are so precious I can't wait to go cheer for Date Tech every single game now" you gush as he tries to force his way from your grasp.

"Eww mom please stop" he says as he gags "I didn't mean that supportive. Please don't show up at our games."

"I don’t know Kenji those team mates of yours really do like me" you snicker as you turn around "I wouldn't ever want anyone to think I don't support my precious baby boy."

Kenji rolled his eyes as you laughed. You had always had a really good relationship with your son. You had him at the age of 20 while you were in a relationship with his father. Unfortunately the relationship didn't work out and his father left the area. You didn't see him much and neither did Kenji. You struggled as a single mom, finding your main support in your parents. You had a great relationship with them and the 4 of you together made up a tiny happy family.

Your parents helped you finish school while your mother watched Kenji. You graduated and getting the job you had worked years for. Now that you were established, things were going well. Kenji was doing well in school, playing volleyball for one of the top schools in the Miyagi prefecture and you were working long hours at a job you loved. No matter what you always made time for your son. He didn't really want you to attend his games so you would occasionally sneak into one watching from the nosebleeds. You loved seeing your son doing what he loved and you always encouraged him.

"So what does a team captain do" you ask as you place the order for your son's favorite take out.

"I mean I run pratices, lead drills and encourage the team" he says nonchalantly as he looks over his school work.

"Not a strong suit of yours Kenj" you smile as he shots a death glare at you.

"Well it's alot easier now that we have a manager to help too" he says.

"Oh you found one then?" You smile

"Yeah Nametsu Mai, she's a second year. She will be doing a lot of the note taking and helping with set ups. Also it's nice to have someone making bentos for the team" he says.

You look up from the bills on your counter "wait she's doing all that alone? That poor girl why does she have to do all that?"

"It's her job mom chill" Kenji says as he laughs at your outburst.

"And your job Kenji is to make sure your team runs efficiently so I expect you to be helping you" you turn as you raise your eyebrows at him.

"Mom ser-" Kenji starts as he sees the glare in your eyes.

"I'm 100% serious Kenji. If you don't help that girl I swear to God that I will be front and center at every single match. Every single tournament with a giant sign in the shape of your face and a shirt that says 'I'm Futakuchi Kenji's number one fan'" you glare as his eyes widen.

"Ok mom ok ill invite her over to help her my god you're mean" he says as you smile.

"I'm off Friday so I can help you make bentos too. You really suck Kenji at doing anything domestic" you smile as you walk to the door to get the takeout you ordered.

Kenji shakes his head as he groans.

Thank God I'm only captain for 1 year he thinks as he signs going to help you get the food.

Friday approaches quickly as the team gears up for their first round of tournaments

"Mai" Kenji calls as he motions for her to come over

"Yes Kenji?" Mai says with a bright smile

"So I want to help you prepare meals for the team for the tournament" he says.

The team stops. Mai looks at him in shock. Middle blocker Aone Takanobu just stares. Fellow outside hitter Obara Yutaka smiles as Libero Sakunami Kōsuke looks on in complete shock.

"Stop looking at me like that! I'm a helpful person!" He screams as they all go back to their activities.

"Ahh it's ok Kenji I really don't need he-" Mai waves shaking her hands.

"Just come to my place tonight ok" Kenji says as the gym doors suddenly burst open.

Coach Oiwake Takurō just shakes his head as he witnesses to former 3rd year volleyball players parade into the gym.

"Well hello our precious underclassmen" Former Middle blocker Kamasaki Yasushi shouts as he walks over to the team.

Kenji just shakes his head "you guys really must lead boring lives if you always have to come bother us during practice. Haven't you found a job yet Kamasaki?" Kenji smirks as he sees the third year began to get heated.

"And here I thought you changed Futakuchi" he says as he goes to grab the captain by the collar.

Suddenly someone yells "Aone" and Aone goes to break up the fighting duo.

"Still no respect for your upperclassmen I see" Former captain Moniwa Kaname says with a laugh.

"Well since you're here you might as well make yourselves useful" Kenji says as he stares at Kamasaki "go block for me."

Kamasaki loosens his tie as former wing spiker Sasaya Takehito says as he shakes his head "not again."

Practice ends as the team clears the gym. Mai and Kenji walk to the Futakuchi residence.

As they approach, Mai looks at Kenji.

"You really don't need to help me" Mai says "it's my job as manager."

"I know Mai but you see- umm well my mom kinda insisted I help you" Kenji says "she's a bit- much."

They walk to the front door as Kenji opens it. Y/N comes running from the kitchen to greet her son and hopefully their team manager.

"KENJI I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DIDNT BRING-" you stop as Kenji just stares at you.

"Oh hello! You must be Mai!" You say extending your hand to the young girl.

"Hello Ms. Futakuchi! It's so nice to meet you" Mai says as she bows, saying Y/Ns hand.

"You as well! Kenji you didn't tell me how cute she was! You must get attention for all the boys" you smile as Mai blushes.

"Mom seriously" Kenji says as his face turns read and he walks away putting his and Mai's bags on the floor.

"What? It's true! But take it from me honey, boys are nothing but trouble! Look at Kenji" you say as you smirk to your son, Mai trying to hide her giggling.

"Ok mom did you just invite her over to ridicule me?" Kenji says to you completely unimpressed

"Nope I can do that without inviting her over! Now let's go to the kitchen Mai" you say as you lead the young girl to the kitchen.

You and Mai work to prepare bentos as you put Kenji to work where you need him.

"Honestly Kenji just stay out of the way" you shout.

"Mom why did you even ask me to invite her over?! I'm literally doing nothing" he says as he sits at the table

"Yes and you're terrible at it" you roll your eyes.

Mai finds your relationship with Kenji amusing and lighthearted. She can tell you have a great relationship with your son and you both feel comfortable picking on each other.

"Ok that's the last of it Mai. You did such a great job! The boys are so lucky to have you. And if they ever say anything rude to you, you let me know and I'll take care of it" you nudge Mai as she giggles.

"Oh don't worry Ms Futakuchi, Coach Oiwake makes sure they appreciate me" she smiles.

"Coach Oiwaka? I don't think I've met him" you turn slowly looking at Kenji

"Why would you need to mom? You always tell me you're happy to get rid of me to whomever will take me off your hands" he says to you in a mocking tone.

"Still! Is he cute?" You say as Mai laughs out loud

"Mom we are not having this discussion " Kenji says as he places his hands over his ears and walks out of the kitchen.

"Well is he?" you say smiling at Mai.

"For an older man, yes" she says giggling "he's been divorced for a few years now. No kids to speak of. He's pretty dedicated to being the coach"

You smile. It's been forever since you've been out with a man. After Kenji's father left, you were top focused on your career and school to even consider dating, let alone be intimate. It had been at least 5 years since you last had sex. Honestly you weren't even sure that was accurate.

"Ms. Futakuchi" Mai says to you as you stare off into space "umm Ms. Futakuchi?"

"Oh gosh I'm sorry Mai! Just thinking. How about we keep the bentos here and I'll bring them tomorrow morning before you leave?" You smile as Mai nods.

"Heck maybe I'll even get to chance to see this gorgeous coach of yours" she winks

"LA LA LA MOM I CANT HEAR YOU" Futakuchi sings from the other room as you both laugh.

Saturday morning approaches as Kenji leaves early to help load the bus. You leave the house at 7:30 in your leggings and old date tech t shirt, figuring it would just be a quick stop to drop off the bentos and back home to enjoy a day free from Kenji and responsibilities as an adult.

You arrive at the school and see the bus outside. It seems like the team is in the gym so you quickly grab the box making your way to the gym. You start to press the door open as you enter slowly.

Coach Oiwake looks up from his notes to see a beautiful young women standing holding an entire box of bentos.

Who are you? And how in the world are you so attractive?

"Kenji you jerk get over here and help your poor mother" you say sarcastically as the team snickers.

"More like 'poor me having to deal with my MOM showing up to my volleyball gym’" kenji rolls his eyes as he quickly walks away from you.

"Love you too sweetheart" you blurt out as every laughs and Coach Oiwake smiles.

"Futakuchi is this really your mother?" Coach says as he watches Kenji out the bentos on the floor.

"Unfortunately yes" Kenji says as he rolls his eyes rejoining his team.

You turn to walk out as Coach Oiwake stops you.

"Mrs. Futakuchi, hello I'm Coach Oiwake Takurō" he says as he extends his hand to yours.

"Oh no 'Mrs' please. Just Y/N" you say as you blush.

The team is observing your interactions.

"Awe that's so cute" Mai gushes as Obara places a hand on Kenji's shoulder.

"Man I don't blame coach at all. Your mom is hot" Obara laughed as Futakuchi glared at him.

"Can we please load the bus and stop talking about my mother? Kenji says.

"Well Y/N we very much appreciate you helping Mai with the Bentos" Coach Oiwake says to you as you smile.

"Don’t mention it Coach Oiwake! Kenji should be doing it anyways AS THE CAPTAIN" you sarcastically shout to him as he walks by you.

Coach Oiwake laughs "I can see where Futakuchi gets his whit Y/N and please call me Takurō."

You smile.

"I hope you'll be able to make it out to the tournament this weekend. I know the boys would appreciate the support" Takurō says as Kenji snaps his neck around.

"Oh no coach my mom is busy this weekend right MOM" Kenji says as he bores holes into your face.

"Actually I don't work this weekend Kenj! Hey that's a great idea! I'll come to support our boys" you shout as you go to hug your son.

Takurō laughs as he watches how cute you interact with your son.

"I look forward to seeing you there Y/N" Takuro says as he turns around winking at you.

Is the coach really flirting with me? you think as you giggle to yourself.

"Oh my god" Kenji shouts as he walks away "Oh don't worry sweetie I promise I won't cheer too loud for my precious angel" you tease as you bid the team and Kenji a farewell.

Damn I need to get to know her Takurō thinks as he smiles as you walk away.

taglist: @axoxtxhxh

#dateko #date tech #Oiwake Takuro #justiceforthehaikyuucoachs #haikyuucoaches #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyū!!#team mom series #teammom #team mom

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vicsdeangelis · 3 years

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I've been here before talking about this but I want Vic to ride my face. And I want her to use me however she wants for her pleasure but mainly I want her to do that thing that she does during her solo in for your love when she's on her knees but on my face help I'm gonna implode

— 🪐

watching vic do The Thing is always such a treat. god, she knows how fucking hot she is.

and now i can't stop imagining vic back at her place and you're with her, but she's not giving you much attention because she's playing and trying to figure out ways to make her solos sound better (as if she needs that. she ignores you when you tell her that because, she thinks, of course you would say that, you're her partner, you always say she's perfect but she thinks she can and should always improve). you get fed up with being ignored because she was back for all of a day and you expected to spend some quality time with her, but she's a perfectionist and she loves her job. SO, you come up with a GREAT idea, if you say so yourself. you grab her bass from her and before she can complain you kiss her, hard. you can tell she feels a little dizzy and taken by surprise when you let go, so you take that as your opportunity. you tell her she can spend as much time rehearing as long as she rides your face as she does it. and it's not as if vic never sat on your face during sex before, but the thought of joining two of her biggest passions - music and you - makes her blush. you're delighted when you realize it's not the embarrassed kind of blush, as you see pink coloring her cheeks, down her neck, her collarbone, disappearing under her shirt, and you lick your lips imagining her flushed chest.

you're lying on your back on the floor and she's on her knees on top of you, at the height of your head. you tell her to start playing, and you let her get on her element first, feeling her music with her entire body. your hands are on her thighs and ass while you wait for the right moment, grabbing them, squeezing her flesh, massaging them. when she throws her head back, and you don't know, nor do you care, if it's because of the music of because of your hands, you bring her down on you, licking up her cunt slowly. she misses a note, hits the wrong chord, and you chuckle, sending the vibrations up her pussy, and kisses her clit. she looks a mix of blissful and frustrated, half of her wanting to put her bass aside and ride your face until her thighs hurt, the other half wanting to prove to both of you she could do this. she was stubborn, after all, and went back to playing from the start. her stubbornness only makes you up your game. no more teasing. you hold her in place by her hips, licking and sucking and tasting her like you really wanted to

mistake after mistake with the additional sexual frustration nearly makers her angry, but she keeps on going, feeling your tongue fucking into her and your nose brushing on her clit. when she groans in frustration instead of pleasure, you lift her off of you. you look up at her, your face almost completely wet, and it makes her feel a little insane. you run your hands up and down her thighs, trying to soothe her, and tell her to relax, to stop focusing too much and just feel every sensation both you and the music provided her. vic takes a deep breath, nodding, and you lower her down on your face again. she plays her bass as your tongue plays with her. she moans when she hits the part of the song she usually throws her had back, followed soon by the enticing movements of her hips. her fingers don't stop - if anything, they seem to be even more precise. and that's when she lets go, using your face like it was her stage. you stop actively holding her, your hands now only serving to caress her skin instead of keeping her still. the way she's using your face makes you sneak a hand down your pants, playing with yourself, completely turned on by the sheer power of her performance, both musical and sexual

victoria was a force of nature in every way imaginable, and watching her was nothing short of an honor

you recognize the notes, knows the song is almost over. the hand on her hip makes its way up her body, stopping at her tits. you play with her nipples, pulling and twisting and flicking them, and her moans get louder. as she hits the last notes, so overwhelmed by different sensations, she feels herself releasing all over your face. it was a beautiful thing to witness. the last note still echoing in the room as she tries to regain her breath, her mouth open and her eyes shut. vic carefully sets her bass aside and all but falls on her back next to you, only now noticing your hand between your legs. she smiles, all her smugness back, and kisses your neck. she whispers in your ear if watching her ride your face made you all wet, if her taste got your cunt throbbing. you nod desperately, quickening your movements on your pussy. she kisses your neck again, bites it, licks it. one of her hands plays with your tits over your shirt, and you're moaning louder and louder. it's only when vic tells you to, allows you to, that you cum, your fingers and panties equally soaked. she kisses you softly as you come down from your high and lies back next to you. in an instant, you both find yourselves laughing until you're out of breath, euphoria running through your veins

#on tonight's episode of oops this got too long:#ask #🪐#late night blurbs

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innuendostudios · 3 years

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Thoughts on: Criterion's Neo-Noir Collection

I have written up all 26 films* in the Criterion Channel's Neo-Noir Collection.

Legend: rw - rewatch; a movie I had seen before going through the collection dnrw - did not rewatch; if a movie met two criteria (a. I had seen it within the last 18 months, b. I actively dislike it) I wrote it up from memory.

* in September, Brick leaves the Criterion Channel and is replaced in the collection with Michael Mann's Thief. May add it to the list when that happens.

Note: These are very "what was on my mind after watching." No effort has been made to avoid spoilers, nor to make the plot clear for anyone who hasn't seen the movies in question. Decide for yourself if that's interesting to you.

Cotton Comes to Harlem I feel utterly unequipped to asses this movie. This and Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song the following year are regularly cited as the progenitors of the blaxploitation genre. (This is arguably unfair, since both were made by Black men and dealt much more substantively with race than the white-directed films that followed them.) Its heroes are a couple of Black cops who are treated with suspicion both by their white colleagues and by the Black community they're meant to police. I'm not 100% clear on whether they're the good guys? I mean, I think they are. But the community's suspicion of them seems, I dunno... well-founded? They are working for The Man. And there's interesting discussion to the had there - is the the problem that the law is carried out by racists, or is the law itself racist? Can Black cops make anything better? But it feels like the film stacks the deck in Gravedigger and Coffin Ed's favor; the local Black church is run by a conman, the Back-to-Africa movement is, itself, a con, and the local Black Power movement is treated as an obstacle. Black cops really are the only force for justice here. Movie portrays Harlem itself as a warm, thriving, cultured community, but the people that make up that community are disloyal and easily fooled. Felt, to me, like the message was "just because they're cops doesn't mean they don't have Black soul," which, nowadays, we would call copaganda. But, then, do I know what I'm talking about? Do I know how much this played into or off of or against stereotypes from 1970? Was this a radical departure I don't have the context to appreciate? Is there substance I'm too white and too many decades removed to pick up on? Am I wildly overthinking this? I dunno. Seems like everyone involved was having a lot of fun, at least. That bit is contagious.

Across 110th Street And here's the other side of the "race film" equation. Another movie set in Harlem with a Black cop pulled between the police, the criminals, and the public, but this time the film is made by white people. I like it both more and less. Pro: this time the difficult position of Black cop who's treated with suspicion by both white cops and Black Harlemites is interrogated. Con: the Black cop has basically no personality other than "honest cop." Pro: the racism of the police force is explicit and systemic, as opposed to comically ineffectual. Con: the movie is shaped around a racist white cop who beats the shit out of Black people but slowly forms a bond with his Black partner. Pro: the Black criminal at the heart of the movie talks openly about how the white world has stacked the deck against him, and he's soulful and relateable. Con: so of course he dies in the end, because the only way privileged people know to sympathetize with minorities is to make them tragic (see also: The Boys in the Band, Philadelphia, and Brokeback Mountain for gay men). Additional con: this time Harlem is portrayed as a hellhole. Barely any of the community is even seen. At least the shot at the end, where the criminal realizes he's going to die and throws the bag of money off a roof and into a playground so the Black kids can pick it up before the cops reclaim it was powerful. But overall... yech. Cotton Comes to Harlem felt like it wasn't for me; this feels like it was 100% for me and I respect it less for that.

The Long Goodbye (rw) The shaggiest dog. Like much Altman, more compelling than good, but very compelling. Raymond Chandler's story is now set in the 1970's, but Philip Marlowe is the same Philip Marlowe of the 1930's. I get the sense there was always something inherently sad about Marlowe. Classic noir always portrayed its detectives as strong-willed men living on the border between the straightlaced world and its seedy underbelly, crossing back and forth freely but belonging to neither. But Chandler stresses the loneliness of it - or, at least, the people who've adapted Chandler do. Marlowe is a decent man in an indecent world, sorting things out, refusing to profit from misery, but unable to set anything truly right. Being a man out of step is here literalized by putting him forty years from the era where he belongs. His hardboiled internal monologue is now the incessant mutterings of the weird guy across the street who never stops smoking. Like I said: compelling! Kael's observation was spot on: everyone in the movie knows more about the mystery than he does, but he's the only one who cares. The mystery is pretty threadbare - Marlowe doesn't detect so much as end up in places and have people explain things to him. But I've seen it two or three times now, and it does linger.

Chinatown (rw) I confess I've always been impressed by Chinatown more than I've liked it. Its story structure is impeccable, its atmosphere is gorgeous, its noirish fatalism is raw and real, its deconstruction of the noir hero is well-observed, and it's full of clever detective tricks (the pocket watches, the tail light, the ruler). I've just never connected with it. Maybe it's a little too perfectly crafted. (I feel similar about Miller's Crossing.) And I've always been ambivalent about the ending. In Towne's original ending, Evelyn shoots Noah Cross dead and get arrested, and neither she nor Jake can tell the truth of why she did it, so she goes to jail for murder and her daughter is in the wind. Polansky proposed the ending that exists now, where Evelyn just dies, Cross wins, and Jake walks away devastated. It communicates the same thing: Jake's attempt to get smart and play all the sides off each other instead of just helping Evelyn escape blows up in his face at the expense of the woman he cares about and any sense of real justice. And it does this more dramatically and efficiently than Towne's original ending. But it also treats Evelyn as narratively disposable, and hands the daughter over to the man who raped Evelyn and murdered her husband. It makes the women suffer more to punch up the ending. But can I honestly say that Towne's ending is the better one? It is thematically equal, dramatically inferior, but would distract me less. Not sure what the calculus comes out to there. Maybe there should be a third option. Anyway! A perfect little contraption. Belongs under a glass dome.

Night Moves (rw) Ah yeah, the good shit. This is my quintessential 70's noir. This is three movies in a row about detectives. Thing is, the classic era wasn't as chockablock with hardboiled detectives as we think; most of those movies starred criminals, cops, and boring dudes seduced to the darkness by a pair of legs. Gumshoes just left the strongest impressions. (The genre is said to begin with Maltese Falcon and end with Touch of Evil, after all.) So when the post-Code 70's decided to pick the genre back up while picking it apart, it makes sense that they went for the 'tecs first. The Long Goodbye dragged the 30's detective into the 70's, and Chinatown went back to the 30's with a 70's sensibility. But Night Moves was about detecting in the Watergate era, and how that changed the archetype. Harry Moseby is the detective so obsessed with finding the truth that he might just ruin his life looking for it, like the straight story will somehow fix everything that's broken, like it'll bring back a murdered teenager and repair his marriage and give him a reason to forgive the woman who fucked him just to distract him from some smuggling. When he's got time to kill, he takes out a little, magnetic chess set and recreates a famous old game, where three knight moves (get it?) would have led to a beautiful checkmate had the player just seen it. He keeps going, self-destructing, because he can't stand the idea that the perfect move is there if he can just find it. And, no matter how much we see it destroy him, we, the audience, want him to keep going; we expect a satisfying resolution to the mystery. That's what we need from a detective picture; one character flat-out compares Harry to Sam Spade. But what if the truth is just... Watergate? Just some prick ruining things for selfish reasons? Nothing grand, nothing satisfying. Nothing could be more noir, or more neo-, than that.

Farewell, My Lovely Sometimes the only thing that makes a noir neo- is that it's in color and all the blood, tits, and racism from the books they're based on get put back in. This second stab at Chandler is competant but not much more than that. Mitchum works as Philip Marlowe, but Chandler's dialogue feels off here, like lines that worked on the page don't work aloud, even though they did when Bogie said them. I'll chalk it up to workmanlike but uninspired direction. (Dang this looks bland so soon after Chinatown.) Moose Malloy is a great character, and perfectly cast. (Wasn't sure at first, but it's true.) Some other interesting cats show up and vanish - the tough brothel madam based on Brenda Allen comes to mind, though she's treated with oddly more disdain than most of the other hoods and is dispatched quicker. In general, the more overt racism and misogyny doesn't seem to do anything except make the movie "edgier" than earlier attempts at the same material, and it reads kinda try-hard. But it mostly holds together. *shrug*

The Killing of a Chinese Bookie (dnrw) Didn't care for this at all. Can't tell if the script was treated as a jumping-off point or if the dialogue is 100% improvised, but it just drags on forever and is never that interesting. Keeps treating us to scenes from the strip club like they're the opera scenes in Amadeus, and, whatever, I don't expect burlesque to be Mozart, but Cosmo keeps saying they're an artful, classy joint, and I keep waiting for the show to be more than cheap, lazy camp. How do you make gratuitious nudity boring? Mind you, none of this is bad as a rule - I love digressions and can enjoy good sleaze, and it's clear the filmmakers care about what they're making. They just did not sell it in a way I wanted to buy. Can't remember what edit I watched; I hope it was the 135 minute one, because I cannot imagine there being a longer edit out there.

The American Friend (dnrw) It's weird that this is Patricia Highsmith, right? That Dennis Hopper is playing Tom Ripley? In a cowboy hat? I gather that Minghella's version wasn't true to the source, but I do love that movie, and this is a long, long way from that. This Mr. Ripley isn't even particularly talented! Anyway, this has one really great sequence, where a regular guy has been coerced by crooks into murdering someone on a train platform, and, when the moment comes to shoot, he doesn't. And what follows is a prolonged sequence of an amateur trying to surreptitiously tail a guy across a train station and onto another train, and all the while you're not sure... is he going to do it? is he going to chicken out? is he going to do it so badly he gets caught? It's hard not to put yourself in the protagonist's shoes, wondering how you would handle the situation, whether you could do it, whether you could act on impulse before your conscience could catch up with you. It drags on a long while and this time it's a good thing. Didn't much like the rest of the movie, it's shapeless and often kind of corny, and the central plot hook is contrived. (It's also very weird that this is the only Wim Wenders I've seen.) But, hey, I got one excellent sequence, not gonna complain.

The Big Sleep Unlike the 1946 film, I can follow the plot of this Big Sleep. But, also unlike the 1946 version, this one isn't any damn fun. Mitchum is back as Marlowe (this is three Marlowes in five years, btw), and this time it's set in the 70's and in England, for some reason. I don't find this offensive, but neither do I see what it accomplishes? Most of the cast is still American. (Hi Jimmy!) Still holds together, but even less well than Farewell, My Lovely. But I do find it interesting that the neo-noir era keeps returning to Chandler while it's pretty much left Hammet behind (inasmuch as someone whose genes are spread wide through the whole genre can be left behind). Spade and the Continental Op, straightshooting tough guys who come out on top in the end, seem antiquated in the (post-)modern era. But Marlowe's goodness being out of sync with the world around him only seems more poignant the further you take him from his own time. Nowadays you can really only do Hammett as pastiche, but I sense that you could still play Chandler straight.

Eyes of Laura Mars The most De Palma movie I've seen not made by De Palma, complete with POV shots, paranormal hoodoo, and fixation with sex, death, and whether images of such are art or exploitation (or both). Laura Mars takes photographs of naked women in violent tableux, and has gotten quite famous doing so, but is it damaging to women? The movie has more than a superficial engagement with this topic, but only slightly more than superficial. Kept imagining a movie that is about 30% less serial killer story and 30% more art conversations. (But, then, I have an art degree and have never murdered anyone, so.) Like, museums are full of Biblical paintings full of nude women and slaughter, sometimes both at once, and they're called masterpieces. Most all of them were painted by men on commission from other men. Now Laura Mars makes similar images in modern trappings, and has models made of flesh and blood rather than paint, and it's scandalous? Why is it only controversial once women are getting paid for it? On the other hand, is this just the master's tools? Is she subverting or challenging the male gaze, or just profiting off of it? Or is a woman profiting off of it, itself, a subversion? Is it subversive enough to account for how it commodifies female bodies? These questions are pretty clearly relevant to the movie itself, and the movies in general, especially after the fall of the Hays Code when people were really unrestrained with the blood and boobies. And, heck, the lead is played by the star of Bonnie and Clyde! All this is to say: I wish the movie were as interested in these questions as I am. What's there is a mildly diverting B-picture. There's one great bit where Laura's seeing through the killer's eyes (that's the hook, she gets visions from the murderer's POV; no, this is never explained) and he's RIGHT BEHIND HER, so there's a chase where she charges across an empty room only able to see her own fleeing self from ten feet behind. That was pretty great! And her first kiss with the detective (because you could see a mile away that the detective and the woman he's supposed to protect are gonna fall in love) is immediately followed by the two freaking out about how nonsensical it is for them to fall in love with each other, because she's literally mourning multiple deaths and he's being wildly unprofessional, and then they go back to making out. That bit was great, too. The rest... enh.

The Onion Field What starts off as a seemingly not-that-noirish cops-vs-crooks procedural turns into an agonizingly protracted look at the legal system, with the ultimate argument that the very idea of the law ever resulting in justice is a lie. Hoo! I have to say, I'm impressed. There's a scene where a lawyer - whom I'm not sure is even named, he's like the seventh of thirteen we've met - literally quits the law over how long this court case about two guys shooting a cop has taken. He says the cop who was murdered has been forgotten, his partner has never gotten to move on because the case has lasted eight years, nothing has been accomplished, and they should let the two criminals walk and jail all the judges and lawyers instead. It's awesome! The script is loaded with digressions and unnecessary details, just the way I like it. Can't say I'm impressed with the execution. Nothing is wrong, exactly, but the performances all seem a tad melodramatic or a tad uninspired. Camerawork is, again, purely functional. It's no masterpiece. But that second half worked for me. (And it's Ted Danson's first movie! He did great.)

Body Heat (rw) Let's say up front that this is a handsomely-made movie. Probably the best looking thing on the list since Night Moves. Nothing I've seen better captures the swelter of an East Coast heatwave, or the lusty feeling of being too hot to bang and going at it regardless. Kathleen Turner sells the hell out of a femme fatale. There are a lot of good lines and good performances (Ted Danson is back and having the time of his life). I want to get all that out of the way, because this is a movie heavily modeled after Double Indemnity, and I wanted to discuss its merits before I get into why inviting that comparison doesn't help the movie out. In a lot of ways, it's the same rules as the Robert Mitchum Marlowe movies - do Double Indemnity but amp up the sex and violence. And, to a degree it works. (At least, the sex does, dunno that Double Indemnity was crying out for explosions.) But the plot is amped as well, and gets downright silly. Yeah, Mrs. Dietrichson seduces Walter Neff so he'll off her husband, but Neff clocks that pretty early and goes along with it anyway. Everything beyond that is two people keeping too big a secret and slowly turning on each other. But here? For the twists to work Matty has to be, from frame one, playing four-dimensional chess on the order of Senator Palpatine, and its about as plausible. (Exactly how did she know, after she rebuffed Ned, he would figure out her local bar and go looking for her at the exact hour she was there?) It's already kind of weird to be using the spider woman trope in 1981, but to make her MORE sexually conniving and mercenary than she was in the 40's is... not great. As lurid trash, it's pretty fun for a while, but some noir stuff can't just be updated, it needs to be subverted or it doesn't justify its existence.

Blow Out Brian De Palma has two categories of movie: he's got his mainstream, director-for-hire fare, where his voice is either reigned in or indulged in isolated sequences that don't always jive with the rest fo the film, and then there's his Brian De Palma movies. My mistake, it seems, is having seen several for-hires from throughout his career - The Untouchables (fine enough), Carlito's Way (ditto, but less), Mission: Impossible (enh) - but had only seen De Palma-ass movies from his late period (Femme Fatale and The Black Dahlia, both of which I think are garbage). All this to say: Blow Out was my first classic-era De Palma, and holy fucking shit dudes. This was (with caveats) my absolute and entire jam. I said I could enjoy good sleaze, and this is good friggin' sleaze. (Though far short of De Palma at his sleaziest, mercifully.) The splitscreens, the diopter shots, the canted angles, how does he make so many shlocky things work?! John Travolta's sound tech goes out to get fresh wind fx for the movie he's working on, and we get this wonderful sequence of visuals following sounds as he turns his attention and his microphone to various noises - a couple on a walk, a frog, an owl, a buzzing street lamp. Later, as he listens back to the footage, the same sequence plays again, but this time from his POV; we're seeing his memory as guided by the same sequence of sounds, now recreated with different shots, as he moves his pencil in the air mimicking the microphone. When he mixes and edits sounds, we hear the literal soundtrack of the movie we are watching get mixed and edited by the person on screen. And as he tries to unravel a murder mystery, he uses what's at hand: magnetic tape, flatbed editors, an animation camera to turn still photos from the crime scene into a film and sync it with the audio he recorded; it's forensics using only the tools of the editing room. As someone who's spent some time in college editing rooms, this is a hoot and a half. Loses a bit of steam as it goes on and the film nerd stuff gives way to a more traditional thriller, but rallies for a sound-tech-centered final setpiece, which steadily builds to such madcap heights you can feel the air thinning, before oddly cutting its own tension and then trying to build it back up again. It doesn't work as well the second time. But then, that shot right after the climax? Damn. Conflicted on how the movie treats the female lead. I get why feminist film theorists are so divided on De Palma. His stuff is full of things feminists (rightly) criticize, full of women getting naked when they're not getting stabbed, but he also clearly finds women fascinating and has them do empowered and unexpected things, and there are many feminist reads of his movies. Call it a mixed bag. But even when he's doing tropey shit, he explores the tropes in unexpected ways. Definitely the best movie so far that I hadn't already seen.

Cutter's Way (rw) Alex Cutter is pitched to us as an obnoxious-but-sympathetic son of a bitch, and, you know, two out of three ain't bad. Watched this during my 2020 neo-noir kick and considered skipping it this time because I really didn't enjoy it. Found it a little more compelling this go around, while being reminded of why my feelings were room temp before. Thematically, I'm onboard: it's about a guy, Cutter, getting it in his head that he's found a murderer and needs to bring him to justice, and his friend, Bone, who intermittently helps him because he feels bad that Cutter lost his arm, leg, and eye in Nam and he also feels guilty for being in love with Cutter's wife. The question of whether the guy they're trying to bring down actually did it is intentionally undefined, and arguably unimportant; they've got personal reasons to see this through. Postmodern and noirish, fixated with the inability to ever fully know the truth of anything, but starring people so broken by society that they're desperate for certainty. (Pretty obvious parallels to Vietnam.) Cutter's a drunk and kind of an asshole, but understandably so. Bone's shiftlessness is the other response to a lack of meaning in the world, to the point where making a decision, any decision, feels like character growth, even if it's maybe killing a guy whose guilt is entirely theoretical. So, yeah, I'm down with all of this! A- in outline form. It's just that Cutter is so uninterestingly unpleasant and no one else on screen is compelling enough to make up for it. His drunken windups are tedious and his sanctimonious speeches about what the war was like are, well, true and accurate but also obviously manipulative. It's two hours with two miserable people, and I think Cutter's constant chatter is supposed to be the comic relief but it's a little too accurate to drunken rambling, which isn't funny if you're not also drunk. He's just tedious, irritating, and periodically racist. Pass.

Blood Simple (rw) I'm pretty cool on the Coens - there are things I've liked, even loved, in every Coen film I've seen, but I always come away dissatisfied. For a while, I kept going to their movies because I was sure eventually I'd love one without qualification. No Country for Old Men came close, the first two acts being master classes in sustained tension. But then the third act is all about denying closure: the protagonist is murdered offscreen, the villain's motives are never explained, and it ends with an existentialist speech about the unfathomable cruelty of the world. And it just doesn't land for me. The archness of the Coen's dialogue, the fussiness of their set design, the kinda-intimate, kinda-awkward, kinda-funny closeness of the camera's singles, it cannot sell me on a devastating meditation about meaninglessness. It's only ever sold me on the Coens' own cleverness. And that archness, that distancing, has typified every one of their movies I've come close to loving. Which is a long-ass preamble to saying, holy heck, I was not prepared for their very first movie to be the one I'd been looking for! I watched it last year and it remains true on rewatch: Blood Simple works like gangbusters. It's kind of Double Indemnity (again) but played as a comedy of errors, minus the comedy: two people romantically involved feeling their trust unravel after a murder. And I think the first thing that works for me is that utter lack of comedy. It's loaded with the Coens' trademark ironies - mostly dramatic in this case - but it's all played straight. Unlike the usual lead/femme fatale relationship, where distrust brews as the movie goes on, the audience knows the two main characters can trust each other. There are no secret duplicitous motives waiting to be revealed. The audience also know why they don't trust each other. (And it's all communicated wordlessly, btw: a character enters a scene and we know, based on the information that character has, how it looks to them and what suspicions it would arouse, even as we know the truth of it). The second thing that works is, weirdly, that the characters aren't very interesting?! Ray and Abby have almost no characterization. Outside of a general likability, they are blank slates. This is a weakness in most films, but, given the agonizingly long, wordless sequences where they dispose of bodies or hide from gunfire, you're left thinking not "what will Ray/Abby do in this scenario," because Ray and Abby are relatively elemental and undefined, but "what would I do in this scenario?" Which creates an exquisite tension but also, weirdly, creates more empathy than I feel for the Coens' usual cast of personalities. It's supposed to work the other way around! Truly enjoyable throughout but absolutely wonderful in the suspenseful-as-hell climax. Good shit right here.

Body Double The thing about erotic thrillers is everything that matters is in the name. Is it thrilling? Is it erotic? Good; all else is secondary. De Palma set out to make the most lurid, voyeuristic, horny, violent, shocking, steamy movie he could come up with, and its success was not strictly dependent on the lead's acting ability or the verisimilitude of the plot. But what are we, the modern audience, to make of it once 37 years have passed and, by today's standards, the eroticism is quite tame and the twists are no longer shocking? Then we're left with a nonsensical riff on Vertigo, a specularization of women that is very hard to justify, and lead actor made of pulped wood. De Palma's obsessions don't cohere into anything more this time; the bits stolen from Hitchcock aren't repurposed to new ends, it really is just Hitch with more tits and less brains. (I mean, I still haven't seen Vertigo, but I feel 100% confident in that statement.) The diopter shots and rear-projections this time look cheap (literally so, apparently; this had 1/3 the budget of Blow Out). There are some mildly interesting setpieces, but nothing compared to Travolta's auditory reconstructions or car chase where he tries to tail a subway train from street level even if it means driving through a frickin parade like an inverted French Connection, goddamn Blow Out was a good movie! Anyway. Melanie Griffith seems to be having fun, at least. I guess I had a little as well, but it was, at best, diverting, and a real letdown.

The Hit Surprised by how much I enjoyed this one. Terrance Stamp flips on the mob and spends ten years living a life of ease in Spain, waiting for the day they find and kill him. Movie kicks off when they do find him, and what follows is a ramshackle road movie as John Hurt and a young Tim Roth attempt to drive him to Paris so they can shoot him in front of his old boss. Stamp is magnetic. He's spent a decade reading philosophy and seems utterly prepared for death, so he spends the trip humming, philosophizing, and being friendly with his captors when he's not winding them up. It remains unclear to the end whether the discord he sews between Roth and Hurt is part of some larger plan of escape or just for shits and giggles. There's also a decent amount of plot for a movie that's not terribly plot-driven - just about every part of the kidnapping has tiny hitches the kidnappers aren't prepared for, and each has film-long repercussions, drawing the cops closer and somehow sticking Laura del Sol in their backseat. The ongoing questions are when Stamp will die, whether del Sol will die, and whether Roth will be able to pull the trigger. In the end, it's actually a meditation on ethics and mortality, but in a quiet and often funny way. It's not going to go down as one of my new favs, but it was a nice way to spend a couple hours.

Trouble in Mind (dnrw) I fucking hated this movie. It's been many months since I watched it, do I remember what I hated most? Was it the bit where a couple of country bumpkins who've come to the city walk into a diner and Mr. Bumpkin clocks that the one Black guy in the back as obviously a criminal despite never having seen him before? Was it the part where Kris Kristofferson won't stop hounding Mrs. Bumpkin no matter how many times she demands to be left alone, and it's played as romantic because obviously he knows what she needs better than she does? Or is it the part where Mr. Bumpkin reluctantly takes a job from the Obvious Criminal (who is, in fact, a criminal, and the only named Black character in the movie if I remember correctly, draw your own conclusions) and, within a week, has become a full-blown hood, which is exemplified by a lot, like, a lot of queer-coding? The answer to all three questions is yes. It's also fucking boring. Even out-of-drag Divine's performance as the villain can't save it.

Manhunter 'sfine? I've still never seen Silence of the Lambs, nor any of the Hopkins Lecter movies, nor, indeed, any full episode of the show. So the unheimlich others get seeing Brian Cox play Hannibal didn't come into play. Cox does a good job with him, but he's barely there. Shame, cuz he's the most interesting part of the movie. Honestly, there's a lot of interesting stuff that's barely there. Will Graham being a guy who gets into the heads of serial killers is explored well enough, and Mann knows how to direct a police procedural such that it's both contemplative and propulsive. But all the other themes it points at? Will's fear that he understands murderers a little too well? Hannibal trying to nudge him towards becoming one? Whatever dance Hannibal and Tooth Fairy are doing? What Tooth Fairy's deal is, anyway? (Why does he wear fake teeth and bite things? Why is he fixated on the red dragon? Does the bit where he says "Francis is gone forever" mean he has DID?) None of it goes anywhere or amounts to anything. I mean, it's certainly more interesting with this stuff than without, but it has that feel of a book that's been pared of its interesting bits to fit the runtime (or, alternately, pulp that's been sloppily elevated). I still haven't made my mind up on Mann's cold, precise camera work, but at least it gives me something to look at. It's fine! This is fine.

Mona Lisa (rw) Gave this one another shot. Bob Hoskins is wonderful as a hood out of his depth in classy places, quick to anger but just as quick to let anger go (the opening sequence where he's screaming on his ex-wife's doorstep, hurling trash cans at her house, and one minute later thrilled to see his old car, is pretty nice). And Cathy Tyson's working girl is a subtler kind of fascinating, exuding a mixture of coldness and kindness. It's just... this is ultimately a story about how heartbreaking it is when the girl you like is gay, right? It's Weezer's Pink Triangle: The Movie. It's not homophobic, exactly - Simone isn't demonized for being a lesbian - but it's still, like, "man, this straight white guy's pain is so much more interesting than the Black queer sex worker's." And when he's yelling "you woulda done it!" at the end, I can't tell if we're supposed to agree with him. Seems pretty clear that she wouldn'ta done it, at least not without there being some reveal about her character that doesn't happen, but I don't think the ending works if we don't agree with him, so... I'm like 70% sure the movie does Simone dirty there. For the first half, their growing relationship feels genuine and natural, and, honestly, the story being about a real bond that unfortunately means different things to each party could work if it didn't end with a gun and a sock in the jaw. Shape feels jagged as well; what feels like the end of the second act or so turns out to be the climax. And some of the symbolism is... well, ok, Simone gives George money to buy more appropriate clothes for hanging out in high end hotels, and he gets a tan leather jacket and a Hawaiian shirt, and their first proper bonding moment is when she takes him out for actual clothes. For the rest of the movie he is rocking double-breasted suits (not sure I agree with the striped tie, but it was the eighties, whaddya gonna do?). Then, in the second half, she sends him off looking for her old streetwalker friend, and now he looks completely out of place in the strip clubs and bordellos. So far so good. But then they have this run-in where her old pimp pulls a knife and cuts George's arm, so, with his nice shirt torn and it not safe going home (I guess?) he starts wearing the Hawaiian shirt again. So around the time he's starting to realize he doesn't really belong in Simone's world or the lowlife world he came from anymore, he's running around with the classy double-breasted suit jacket over the garish Hawaiian shirt, and, yeah, bit on the nose guys. Anyway, it has good bits, I just feel like a movie that asks me to feel for the guy punching a gay, Black woman in the face needs to work harder to earn it. Bit of wasted talent.

The Bedroom Window Starts well. Man starts an affair with his boss' wife, their first night together she witnesses an attempted murder from his window, she worries going to the police will reveal the affair to her husband, so the man reports her testimony to the cops claiming he's the one who saw it. Young Isabelle Huppert is the perfect woman for a guy to risk his career on a crush over, and Young Steve Guttenberg is the perfect balance of affability and amorality. And it flows great - picks just the right media to res. So then he's talking to the cops, telling them what she told him, and they ask questions he forgot to ask her - was the perp's jacket a blazer or a windbreaker? - and he has to guess. Then he gets called into the police lineup, and one guy matches her description really well, but is it just because he's wearing his red hair the way she described it? He can't be sure, doesn't finger any of them. He finds out the cops were pretty certain about one of the guys, so he follows the one he thinks it was around, looking for more evidence, and another girl is attacked right outside a bar he knows the redhead was at. Now he's certain! But he shows the boss' wife the guy and she's not certain, and she reminds him they don't even know if the guy he followed is the same guy the police suspected! And as he feeds more evidence to the cops, he has to lie more, because he can't exactly say he was tailing the guy around the city. So, I'm all in now. Maybe it's because I'd so recently rewatched Night Moves and Cutter's Way, but this seems like another story about uncertainty. He's really certain about the guy because it fits narratively, and we, the audience, feel the same. But he's not actually a witness, he doesn't have actual evidence, he's fitting bits and pieces together like a conspiracy theorist. He's fixating on what he wants to be true. Sign me up! But then it turns out he's 100% correct about who the killer is but his lies are found out and now the cops think he's the killer and I realize, oh, no, this movie isn't nearly as smart as I thought it was. Egg on my face! What transpires for the remaining half of the runtime is goofy as hell, and someone with shlockier sensibilities could have made a meal of it, but Hanson, despite being a Corman protege, takes this silliness seriously in the all wrong ways. Next!

Homicide (rw? I think I saw most of this on TV one time) Homicide centers around the conflicted loyalties of a Jewish cop. It opens with the Jewish cop and his white gentile partner taking over a case with a Black perp from some Black FBI agents. The media is making a big thing about the racial implications of the mostly white cops chasing down a Black man in a Black neighborhood. And inside of 15 minutes the FBI agent is calling the lead a k*ke and the gentile cop is calling the FBI agent a f****t and there's all kinds of invective for Black people. The film is announcing its intentions out the gate: this movie is about race. But the issue here is David Mamet doesn't care about race as anything other than a dramatic device. He's the Ubisoft of filmmakers, having no coherent perspective on social issues but expecting accolades for even bringing them up. Mamet is Jewish (though lead actor Joe Mantegna definitely is not) but what is his position on the Jewish diaspora? The whole deal is Mantegna gets stuck with a petty homicide case instead of the big one they just pinched from the Feds, where a Jewish candy shop owner gets shot in what looks like a stickup. Her family tries to appeal to his Jewishness to get him to take the case seriously, and, after giving them the brush-off for a long time, finally starts following through out of guilt, finding bits and pieces of what may or may not be a conspiracy, with Zionist gun runners and underground neo-Nazis. But, again: all of these are just dramatic devices. Mantegna's Jewishness (those words will never not sound ridiculous together) has always been a liability for him as a cop (we are told, not shown), and taking the case seriously is a reclamation of identity. The Jews he finds community with sold tommyguns to revolutionaries during the founding of Israel. These Jews end up blackmailing him to get a document from the evidence room. So: what is the film's position on placing stock in one's Jewish identity? What is its position on Israel? What is its opinion on Palestine? Because all three come up! And the answer is: Mamet doesn't care. You can read it a lot of different ways. Someone with more context and more patience than me could probably deduce what the de facto message is, the way Chris Franklin deduced the de facto message of Far Cry V despite the game's efforts not to have one, but I'm not going to. Mantegna's attempt to reconnect with his Jewishness gets his partner killed, gets the guy he was supposed to bring in alive shot dead, gets him possibly permanent injuries, gets him on camera blowing up a store that's a front for white nationalists, and all for nothing because the "clues" he found (pretty much exclusively by coincidence) were unconnected nothings. The problem is either his Jewishness, or his lifelong failure to connect with his Jewishness until late in life. Mamet doesn't give a shit. (Like, Mamet canonically doesn't give a shit: he is on record saying social context is meaningless, characters only exist to serve the plot, and there are no deeper meanings in fiction.) Mamet's ping-pong dialogue is fun, as always, and there are some neat ideas and characters, but it's all in service of a big nothing that needed to be a something to work.

Swoon So much I could talk about, let's keep it to the most interesting bits. Hommes Fatales: a thing about classic noir that it was fascinated by the marginal but had to keep it in the margins. Liberated women, queer-coded killers, Black jazz players, broke thieves; they were the main event, they were what audiences wanted to see, they were what made the movies fun. But the ending always had to reassert straightlaced straight, white, middle-class male society as unshakeable. White supremacist capitalist patriarchy demanded, both ideologically and via the Hays Code, that anyone outside these norms be punished, reformed, or dead by the movie's end. The only way to make them the heroes was to play their deaths for tragedy. It is unsurprising that neo-noir would take the queer-coded villains and make them the protagonists. Implicature: This is the story of Leopold and Loeb, murderers famous for being queer, and what's interesting is how the queerness in the first half exists entirely outside of language. Like, it's kind of amazing for a movie from 1992 to be this gay - we watch Nathan and Dickie kiss, undress, masturbate, fuck; hell, they wear wedding rings when they're alone together. But it's never verbalized. Sex is referred to as "your reward" or "what you wanted" or "best time." Dickie says he's going to have "the girls over," and it turns out "the girls" are a bunch of drag queens, but this is never acknowledged. Nathan at one point lists off a bunch of famous men - Oscar Wild, E.M. Forster, Frederick the Great - but, though the commonality between them is obvious (they were all gay), it's left the the audience to recognize it. When their queerness is finally verbalized in the second half, it's first in the language of pathology - a psychiatrist describing their "perversions" and "misuse" of their "organs" before the court, which has to be cleared of women because it's so inappropriate - and then with slurs from the man who murders Dickie in jail (a murder which is written off with no investigation because the victim is a gay prisoner instead of a L&L's victim, a child of a wealthy family). I don't know if I'd have noticed this if I hadn't read Chip Delany describing his experience as a gay man in the 50's existing almost entirely outside of language, the only language at the time being that of heteronormativity. Murder as Love Story: L&L exchange sex as payment for the other commiting crimes; it's foreplay. Their statements to the police where they disagree over who's to blame is a lover's quarrel. Their sentencing is a marriage. Nathan performs his own funeral rites over Dickie's body after he dies on the operating table. They are, in their way, together til death did they part. This is the relationship they can have. That it does all this without romanticizing the murder itself or valorizing L&L as humans is frankly incredible.

Suture (rw) The pitch: at the funeral for his father, wealthy Vincent Towers meets his long lost half brother Clay Arlington. It is implied Clay is a child from out of wedlock, possibly an affair; no one knows Vincent has a half-brother but him and Clay. Vincent invites Clay out to his fancy-ass home in Arizona. Thing is, Vincent is suspected (correctly) by the police of having murdered his father, and, due to a striking family resemblence, he's brought Clay to his home to fake his own death. He finagles Clay into wearing his clothes and driving his car, and then blows the car up and flees the state, leaving the cops to think him dead. Thing is, Clay survives, but with amnesia. The doctors tell him he's Vincent, and he has no reason to disagree. Any discrepancy in the way he looks is dismissed as the result of reconstructive surgery after the explosion. So Clay Arlington resumes Vincent Towers' life, without knowing Clay Arlington even exists. The twist: Clay and Vincent are both white, but Vincent is played by Michael Harris, a white actor, and Clay is played by Dennis Haysbert, a Black actor. "Ian, if there's just the two of them, how do you know it's not Harris playing a Black character?" Glad you asked! It is most explicitly obvious during a scene where Vincent/Clay's surgeon-cum-girlfriend essentially bringing up phrenology to explain how Vincent/Clay couldn't possibly have murdered his father, describing straight hair, thin lips, and a Greco-Roman nose Haysbert very clearly doesn't have. But, let's be honest: we knew well beforehand that the rich-as-fuck asshole living in a huge, modern house and living it up in Arizona high society was white. Though Clay is, canonically, white, he lives an poor and underprivileged life common to Black men in America. Though the film's title officially refers to the many stitches holding Vincent/Clay's face together after the accident, "suture" is a film theory term, referring to the way a film audience gets wrapped up - sutured - in the world of the movie, choosing to forget the outside world and pretend the story is real. The usage is ironic, because the audience cannot be sutured in; we cannot, and are not expected to, suspend our disbelief that Clay is white. We are deliberately distanced. Consequently this is a movie to be thought about, not to to be felt. It has the shape of a Hitchcockian thriller but it can't evoke the emotions of one. You can see the scaffolding - "ah, yes, this is the part of a thriller where one man hides while another stalks him with a gun, clever." I feel ill-suited to comment on what the filmmakers are saying about race. I could venture a guess about the ending, where the psychiatrist, the only one who knows the truth about Clay, says he can never truly be happy living the lie of being Vincent Towers, while we see photographs of Clay/Vincent seemingly living an extremely happy life: society says white men simply belong at the top more than Black men do, but, if the roles could be reversed, the latter would slot in seamlessly. Maybe??? Of all the movies in this collection, this is the one I'd most want to read an essay on (followed by Swoon).

The Last Seduction (dnrw) No, no, no, I am not rewataching this piece of shit movie.

Brick (rw) Here's my weird contention: Brick is in color and in widescreen, but, besides that? There's nothing neo- about this noir. There's no swearing except "hell." (I always thought Tug said "goddamn" at one point but, no, he's calling The Pin "gothed-up.") There's a lot of discussion of sex, but always through implication, and the only deleted scene is the one that removed ambiguity about what Brendan and Laura get up to after kissing. There's nothing postmodern or subversive - yes, the hook is it's set in high school, but the big twist is that it takes this very seriously. It mines it for jokes, yes, but the drama is authentic. In fact, making the gumshoe a high school student, his jadedness an obvious front, still too young to be as hard as he tries to be, just makes the drama hit harder. Sam Spade if Sam Spade were allowed to cry. I've always found it an interesting counterpoint to The Good German, a movie that fastidiously mimics the aesthetics of classic noir - down to even using period-appropriate sound recording - but is wholly neo- in construction. Brick could get approved by the Hays Code. Its vibe, its plot about a detective playing a bunch of criminals against each other, even its slang ("bulls," "yegg," "flopped") are all taken directly from Hammett. It's not even stealing from noir, it's stealing from what noir stole from! It's a perfect curtain call for the collection: the final film is both the most contemporary and the most classic. It's also - but for the strong case you could make for Night Moves - the best movie on the list. It's even more appropriate for me, personally: this was where it all started for me and noir. I saw this in theaters when it came out and loved it. It was probably my favorite movie for some time. It gave me a taste for pulpy crime movies which I only, years later, realized were neo-noir. This is why I looked into Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang and In Bruges. I've seen it more times than any film on this list, by a factor of at least 3. It's why I will always adore Rian Johnson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. It's the best-looking half-million-dollar movie I've ever seen. (Indie filmmakers, take fucking notes.) I even did a script analysis of this, and, yes, it follows the formula, but so tightly and with so much style. Did you notice that he says several of the sequence tensions out loud? ("I just want to find her." "Show of hands.") I notice new things each time I see it - this time it was how "brushing Brendan's hair out of his face" is Em's move, making him look more like he does in the flashback, and how Laura does the same to him as she's seducing him, in the moment when he misses Em the hardest. It isn't perfect. It's recreated noir so faithfully that the Innocent Girl dies, the Femme Fatale uses intimacy as a weapon, and none of the women ever appear in a scene together. 1940's gender politics maybe don't need to be revisited. They say be critical of the media you love, and it applies here most of all: it is a real criticism of something I love immensely.

#film noir #neo-noir #criterion channel

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samsm2mstories · 3 years

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Body Swapping with Romeo Beckham (A dream I had) PART 2

As we were talking, I couldn't help but to check my mobile out and see everything on my phone, my contact list was crazy! I now have an older brother and a younger brother plus a sister. Looking through my contacts I see familiar names like HRVY, Blake Gray and other famous names and influencers. My photo collection is a ton of selfies and places that I have been too and suddenly I went into my social media pages. FUCK I'm totally famous as there is so many followers on all my new pages.

Romeo who was me was laughing away as he knew I was checking him out and told me it's not all fun and games, I now have an appearance to keep up and I better get used to the press being on my back alot. He got up and told me to be back here in two days time, he was rubbing my former bulge during these talks. We agreed on a time and he said his goodbyes and told me to take it easy. I got up myself as I slide my phone into my green short pockets. I felt uneasy standing up as I was much lighter and taller, I shook Sam's hand and went my way.

Walking back I was checking my new outfit which suited this new body of mine, tattoo's over my twinkish tanned leg, high socks and a pair of AF1s on my feet. A plain black tee and this totally awesome snapback which was holding my beautiful longer hair back. I felt so energetic feeling this new body and seeing how it naturally walks. I knew from walking back I had to explore this body more but something caught my eye. I have noticed in my new gained memories that Romeo was planning for longer swaps if I was his break. My new bulge grew instantly at the thought of that as I must be careful not to cause an embarrassing scene, luckily nobody was about so I took a quick peek at what I got in my shorts.

FUCK ROMEO I'M HUNG AS FUCK!

I chuckled as I well impressed having this new package of mine and it suddenly hit me that I'm hungry, having all these memories helped as I went to my car which was a beauty! I'm driving a 45k Jeep now!

JESUS CHRIST I'M SURE RICH NOW BABY!

I got in checking everything out, new touchscreens, so many more buttons, getting familiar with everything as I recently just passed my test and this was my first vehicle. I was loving this life but I decided to head to the nearest shops but I must first check out how busy it is as I don't want all the extra attention being a popular person in a pack store. First shop I normally enjoy was too packed which was a joke as I really wanted to eat from there so be it. I took the risk and pull on a hoodie.

It's a good thing I got some spare clothes with me, this must be such a pain having to deal with the attention if not being careful, already I feeling the pressures of this new life. Hoodie, mask and a snapback so I walked into the busy posh store. I was checking out all these new interesting foods that was on other, the prices were extortionate but who cares? It's like loose change to me!! I found some stuff this body likes and I paid for it at the till and saw this handsome guy there. He was a complete stud, luckily he didn't notice who I was and I memorised his name and decided to slip him my number.

Did I actually do that? This new found confidence of Romeo's mixed with my alpha personality was something unquestionable. I do have a current GF but she is away for a few weeks and so is the real Romeo. This is my body now for two days.

This sushi tastes AMAZING as I'm getting used to my new tastes now, I couldn't help eating it as I was walking since I was hungry. It seems this body enjoys food but rarely put on any weight. Luckily enough I hardly got any plans for today but I got to hit my home gym or do football practice in my back garden to keep myself active. Time to head back home.

It felt incredible exploring my new life as I'm having to learn everything from my newly gained memories. You know I could get used to this pressure with ease, maybe that Romeo wanted. Someone like me being him on his breaks from life. I actually would accept that someone is controlling parts of my life while I control part of his. This feels so natural as we both got the same excitement. I couldn't help but checking my new boyish face in the mirrors taking in every facial expression I can do.

All of this was secretly turning this body horny as I recall how I enjoyed my own stories. Now here I am living it as a reality. I'm the sexy Romeo enjoying life to the max. I arrived at a huge gated entrance as the cameras and sensors reckonised my car and face. It opened up to a large drive way to this enormous mansion!!! I was in awe as this is my new home!

I pulled next to an Bentley that must of been my father car. It seems fairly quiet as my parents are in LA with my younger siblings. My older brother has his own place so that means I got this whole place to myself apart from the staff that keep this place in shape.

I got out and walked into this grand place, There was 10 bedrooms with their own bathrooms, two large kitchens, 4 reception rooms and so much more. I knew all of this naturally as I lived here. I went towards my bedroom and WOW IT WAS HUGEE!

I couldn't resist it any longer as I took my clothes off and admired my sexy body in the mirror. I was surely very toned and fit. Muscles all over, I was loving my smooth sexy mini six pack knowing I've worked hard daily to gain this strength. I couldn't help but admired this body all over and then I had to deal with my bulge. I jumped onto my new huge bed and moved my hand down my abs towards my new cock. I closed my eyes and pumped my cock slowly feeling up the new skin and veins over it. It felt like my first time all over again as I pumped it more which I moaned softly getting used to this new bigger cock of mine. Everytime my hand went down, I moaned louder as it was sending me crazy. I went faster and faster as I was enjoying this until I let go and shot my loads into an empty cup. I was breathing loudly seeing thick loads shooting away until I depleted my tanks. I couldn't believe how thick these loads are. My very own body now is relieved as I looked at the cup and craved it. I had to do it so I drank my loads and it tasted delicious! I knew considering how flexible I am that I could potentially suck myself but that can wait.

I went into my walk in wardrobe and saw my mass collection of clothes. It was a dream come true! All these huge names were mine for pickings. I enjoyed wearing my outfit today but I'm keeping to that for now on. Hoodies, snapbacks and af1s or Jordans. I want to show off my sexy legs as they were perfected like everything else is. I feel Romeo would want me to be him more often. I suddenly remembered that I got a flight to LA in a days time.

He has set me up! I'm actually got to be him for months as he set the deal up differently to what we said. Not that I'm worried but fuck this is me now. This is all mine and my mobile started ringing.

It was that guy at the shop.

Part 3 coming soon

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that-little-zebunny · 3 years

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Skin to Skin (First Date)

Pairing: Loki x Avenger!Reader

Warning: Angst, little Gorey-ish details, Fluff

WC: 2,151

Summary: You're new to the team and end up messing it up with the God of mischief on your first day in. Knowing his reputation you're up for a fun time in the compound.

Note: First of all thank you so much guys for the warm acceptance you gave on our 1st part T....T y'all made my heart so so happy. I hope you'll enjoy this part and I'd love to know how you think. Its a bit long so yay enjoy.

2nd day of our wonderful HBC's Week of Love for the lovely @the-th-horniest-book-club 🥰

You know what's the fun part of fighting the bad? It's that it doesn't choose a great time. It pops up as randomly as it can. So here you are on your second day trying to go around and meet people, when you got a message to suit up.

Small details are that you and your team are going to keep an eye on one of hydras abandoned bases because Friday had detected some activity there.

What you didn't know is the team you speak of is just you, the Falcon, Natasha and Loki. Yup, how fun will it be? You and the person that doesn't like you in one deadly work. You won't be surprised if somehow between the fighting you'll be stabbed by him. You shook your head to remove the thoughts running in it. You really should stop watching suspense shows. You sighed.

After almost three hours in the air you all finally made it in the location. You scratched your head when you saw that the area is surrounded by a lot of trees.

"Looks like we're up for a fun hide and seek game if there's really people here now." Nat said as she fixed all the weapons secured on her belt. Sam agreed. He activated three of his cute little drones to help out with securing the area for treats.

"We should go. All these small talks will not vanish our enemies." Loki said walking past the three of you. You pouted.

"I think that's mostly because of me. Sorry guys." You said as you finished fixing your knives on your belt and grabbing your metal staff. It's your main weapon because it keeps you from getting near anyone when it's not needed.

"No worries cookies, he's like that to everyone. He didn't really have a choice in being here. He's banished here to help." Sam said using the silly nickname they all choose to give you after you delivered tons of cookies to them.

You look at Loki's retreating back sadly.

You're able to get inside the rusty building without encountering anyone.

"This is a bit creepy. How did Friday detect anything here? There's no one in about 10 kilometers." Sam said as he checked the tech in his arm.

"Maybe it's a ghost?" You joked which earned you a strange look from them. "What? I watch movies." You rolled your eyes at them and continued going to another part of the building to check. It looks like you're in a laboratory slash surgery room. That gave you chills. You tried to not imagine how many bodies were cut and gutted in here.

"You have a very unique mind." Someone said which made you squeak. You turned around swinging your staff towards the voice but was halted by a sting hand. Loki held the end of your staff smirking at you.

"Crap…" you whispered. You didn't do anything again didn't you? "I-I'm sorry." You bit your lips as you relaxed, removing your staff from his hold.

"For someone that works with emotions you do suck at it." He said, smirking at you.

You scratched your nape as you stared up at his face, his very very beautiful face. Ugh!

"I know. Its been a challenge controlling my own. I was so used at controlling others." You said remembering your childhood. How you tried to mold your always bickering parents to play nice when you're around and to act as if they loved you. You know they hated it and they hated you but what can you say you were ten and scared. But they didn't care. All they know is you're an anomaly and that they rather not be around you. That's why as soon as your grandma offered they toosed you away like a hot potato.

You shook your head as your most dreaded memory came up. You frowned and turned to look at Loki again.

"Was that you!?" You asked. You're gritting your teeth as you feel the rage consume you. He just stared down at you smirking wickedly. You boinked away the tears that threatened to fall from your eyes. "We're even now." You said gripping your staff.

"Yes we are." He proudly said as he went around checking if he could find anything useful and you did the same.

It really was a lab and they've experimented on people trying to make a brain dead person have functions again. That made your stomach turn especially when you saw the reports of how the patients reacted to that. Some were like dummies and some became vicious. And so many more that you end up closing the files you're reading and you just grabbed them.all to bring them back with you.

"Find anything else?" You asked Loki but he didn't answer so you went to look what he's doing in the room he went in. You found him staring at a cradle.

"There's a body here." He said. That alerted you. Especially when you saw him touch the cradle to open it using his power.

"Nooo Loki don't!" You shouted as the cover of it opened up releasing some kind of gas. Knowing the few things you've read if your guess is correct this is gonna be bad.

You ran to him to grab his arm to pull him away but he didnt move so when you saw the sharp claw like hands coming out the gas you didn't think much and just went in between Loki and the thing.

You gasped in pain as you felt the slicing on your back.

"Good norns! Y/N! You dumb, dumb mortal!" He shouted as he caught you in his arms when your legs gave out. He looked behind you and flicked his hands green mist went to take away the life from the girl from the cradle. You heard its body make noise as it fell down.

Still in Loki's embrace you tried to breathe deep but it ended up just you gasping painfully. The cuts must have been deeper than you thought.

"L-Loki…" you pleaded with him as you felt your breathing start getting shallow and you feel like you're drowning. You must have blood on your lungs by now. You tried to swallow the sobs that tried to get out of your lips and you just stared up at his face. He really have a nice face. It's unfair.

You must have lost your mind because when he caught you staring you smiled up at him which in return got you another frown.

"Stop admiring me. I know I look better than the normal midgard male population. You really must be dumb, why did you jump infront of me. I'm a God I won't be hurt by a mere scratch." He said as he helped you to lay down on the floor as he called out to Nat and Sam on his coms. He turned you on your side to check your injury and you heard him take in a breath.

"Is it bad?" You asked thinking of the worse based on his face.

"Don't get your brain all rilled up, Cookies. It'll be alright." You giggled when you heard him call you on your new nickname.

"S-so I'm cookies to y-you now too." You coughed but still smiling.

"Oh you need to shuush." He said but you can hear the smile in his tone. So your stupidity got you on his goodside.

"How can I s-shuush. This might be my last time to talk. What i-if some parasite is now in me and I'll start walking and biting people." You caughed again as you felt something soothing on your back.

"You need to change what you watch Y/N. That's not healthy anymore." He said, shaking his head. Your back is starting to feel nice now and your head is like it's floating. You giggled again as you touched his face. Even in your groggy brain you felt his emotions. Scared, amused and adoration. Is that all for you? You smiled at him again as your eyes were about to close.

"You should date me Loki." You said. His eyes went wide as he steadied you to pick you up.

"That's the soothing magic talking." He said as he started to walk.

You're about to walk past the table where you put down the files you found when you remember how important they are.

"Wait! Wait! Lemme grab those." You pointed to the tall stocks of folders.

He walked near it and you grabbed them and hugged them on your chest like your life depends on it.

You feel proud of yourself getting them or being carried by Loki. You're not sure which anymore and before he even finds your team you fell asleep.

You woke up in what you guessed as the med bay. You tried to get up and looked around to find no one. You brushed your hair with your hand as you tried to stand but got dizzy. You tried to grip the bed frame for support but you're too slow so you just let yourself fall. You're about to kiss the floor when two strong hands caught you and relief and annoyance flooded your brain.

"You must enjoy being in my arms." He teased as he helped you back on the bed.

"You got nice arms." You joked as you went back on your bed. You took a deep breath and seriously asked him "how did the rest of the mission go?"

"Well, the Widow was able to find some scavengers that tried to loot the structure they came back there before we left and they must have been the ones who triggered Friday's system. The monstrous thing that attacked you is dead officially and we didn't find another of it but we did find a mass grave behind the building." He explained as he sat down on the side of your bed.

You thanked him and relaxed knowing there's no more of that thing around.

"Do you like steak or do you prefer the simple ones?" Loki suddenly asked. You looked at him confused.

"What for?" You asked.

"You have offered me to date you. Have you forgotten?" He said, smirking at you. You felt your cheeks heat up. Crap you did. Mid thinking about tobe a zombie parasite walker time. You looked at him waiting for him to say he's joking but nothing . He just raised one gorgeous eyebrow as he waited.

"You're serious?" You covered your face with one hand as you tried to let what he's saying sink in.

"Very serious, you've felt my darkest emotions I've seen your darkest memories don't you think we're past the getting to know part Sam keep on babbling about?" He said as he slowly touched your elbow with a finger and you felt his sincerity and adoration. Your brain feels like it's about to explode. This majestic person really wants to go out with you. Omg!!!

You slowly nodded and he smiled.

"So stake or not?" He asked again.

"I like steak." You answered back. He smiled and left. Leaving you with so many emotions that you never felt before as your own. Joy, giddiness and something you can't name.

A week after you're out of being stuck on a medical bed you and Loki went to that date. You still can't believe it's happening. He even did all the preparations and stuff. He brought you to a gorgeous restaurant with beautiful music and the tastiest stake you ever had. It was so much fun. He's very funny in his own way. You're both enjoying a walk before going back to the compound when you felt Loki grab your gloved hand. You look up at him.

"What's wrong?" You asked. He just smiled and kissed your hand.

"I'm just very glad I gave myself a chance to know you more and not let what happened to us on our first meeting get to me. You're a very fascinating and beautiful lady Y/N. Thank you for being with me today." He said. You smiled warmly at him as you took off your gloves. You stashed them in the pocket of your coat and brought your hands up to his face but didn't completely touch him.

"May I?" You asked and you saw his face softened. You told him that you will never touch him without his permission.

"Yes…" he answered as he held both your hands and brought them close to his face. He closed his eyes and sighed at the feel of your skin. Feeling that strange feelings again that you can't name you're not sure if it's yours or Loki's emotion. You stepped closer to him and tiptoed to reach his waiting lips. You can't wait to understand that strange feeling but for now you're gonna enjoy how good it feels.

Tag list

Skin to skin: @delightfulheartdream @victias @kaogasm @marvelgirl7 @alexakeyloveloki @newdaynewyearnewlife @multifandomlife22

Tom Hiddleston and Characters: @jewels2876 @jobean12-blog @CurlyRed2020

The ones with stikes, I cant tag you guys i dunno why T.T

#hbc week of love #the th horniest book club #the th hbc #loki x reader fan fic #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader drabble #loki x reader imagine #marvel loki #loki god of mischief #loki laufeyson fluff #loki x reader #zephirahnyxwrites

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