#ILL FUCKING KILL MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!! ILL KILL MYSELF BEFORE IT HAPPENS AGAIN !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

oop oc concept posting! this bad bitch is for an original story of mine - the main characters are all from different "genres", and i needed One More to round out the group and well. puppet-y guy fit the bill! i can't decide on a name!

she's from a children's show that had a western themed rock group that would provide lessons through the power of Music! she was the band guitarist until she fuckin. fell into the labyrinth & got corrupted by her found family of idiot assholes

[ennuidays]

😂

[sukugo]

realizing that once gojo gets sealed, we won't be seeing him in the anime again for who knows how many years.....

[godisaknife]

hey don't read the tags I just need to talk this out but there's no one I can talk about it with so I'll just talk to myself

[planete777]

LEAF TAPES 2・⁠｡♪ LN4

( lando norris x fem!reader ft. oscar piastri )

read part 1!

IN WHICH. after months of radio silence, y/n and lando go trending for the same thing again... but this time, it's not only them.

WARNINGS. 18+, MINORS DNI!, non consensual explicit video leaked, sexual descriptions, twitter environement, mentions of getting high (as per), very self indulgent so just sit back and enjoy

NOTE. it's finally here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i've answered your requests, i hope you guys like it. my back aches from doing this so im gonna knock myself out lol. anyways, last fic for a few weeks, but i'll still be online/idle so u can still drop by my inbox if u want. okay ill let u go now bye and enjoy!!!!!

‧₊˚✩彡 taglist @laciijane @ferrarrigirl @norrizzandpia @mimi-luvzyu @multifandomwhore-003 (use askbox if you'd like to be added!)

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yn_ln

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 789,331 others

yn_ln life lately <3

>comments<

landonorris literally obsessed with you

landonorris love the last picture who's that on the left -> yn_ln what happened to being obsessed with me :((( -> landonorris sorry 😅 i mean the left. -> user 😭

user oscar cameo!!!!! OSCAR!!! CAMEO!!!

user i want both of them!!11!!1!1! i can take both of you!!!! -> user so real

user couple goals.... brb just setting up the toaster and the bath

oscarpiastri picture 2.... minutes before disaster -> landonorris disaster??? i found it pretty entertaining -> yn_ln i'm still recovering 🤭 -> user CARE TO SHARE??? I WANNA KNOW!!! -> user yn girlie............ let's gossip -> yn_ln no can do luv xx 😌

oscarpiastri anyways i look so good -> yn_ln humble yourself babe x -> landonorris what she said ^ -> user don't listen to them oscar, you do love good ❤ -> oscarpiastri trust me, i know 😏

lily_mhe loved going out with u bby <3 -> yn_ln yes!! we should do it again.... without the boys 😒 -> alexalbon uhm wow -> landonorris i need to get used to sharing the loml </3 -> oscarpiastri lol -> yn_ln 🤭

user she's so pretty "$%$£"£$(!"£$

user why are they being so cryptic 😩 -> user they wanna kill me

user 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 -> user i've got so many questions

user lily and y/n are for the girlies xx sorry i do not make the rules -> yn_ln speak it!!! -> lily_mhe yup!!

maxfewtrell no pic creds?? -> yn_ln i can give donations? -> user LMAOAOAO -> user max being bullied pt 2838474

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landonorris

liked by yn_ln, oscarpiastri and 1,302,811 others

landonorris ♾

<comments>

yn_ln look at us trending for the second time in 2 months 😝 -> landonorris ikr such icons -> oscarpiastri quite fun tbh -> user 😭 -> user u lot realllyyyyy dgaf and i love that for you

oscarpiastri i give the best cuddles ik -> landonorris u also give the best 🧠 -> yn_ln AND WHAT ABT ME? -> landonorris oh yeah... ig -> user what the fuck is going on??? 😭 -> user in broad daylist insta comments

user im surprised he didn't post a lil snippet on ig like yn did last time -> user literally 💀 -> user he wants us to have the full experience on twt fr

carlossainz55 im begging u, plz no more -> alexalbon 🙏 -> charlesleclerc 🙏 -> georgerussell 🙏 -> pierregasly 🙏 -> yukitsunoda 🙏 -> danielricciardo 🙏 -> lewishamilton 🙏 -> user they are going THROUGH IT!! -> landonorris we'll think abt it

user surprised, but not disappointed

yn_ln no more 🐱 for u! -> landonorris NO. U CAN'T DO THIS TO ME. -> user he survives purely off of the kitty cat. i support the hustle -> oscarpiastri spare the man 🙏 -> yn_ln nah he can just watch -> oscarpiastri fine by me

user foursome?? -> user join the line

[wingedjellyfishflight]

Sexual Harassment Training

Captain Price has a permanent scowl on his face today, it seems. You see him stomping around like a toddler on a rampage at lunch.

"What's got the Captain all bollocksed up? Did I say that, right?" Soap grins, then grimaces as he thinks about it. Standing together, you dump your trays before Soap leads you to the team meeting.

"Ya, doll, that's how you say it. He's like this every year. Mandatory sexual harassment training for everyone this afternoon." You ponder it for a minute.

"Why? Like, it's just something to sit through, right? It isn't like anyone is harassing our team."

He chuckles quietly and answers, "they aren't worried about the likes of me getting harassed, but that we will harass you, Princess." You elbow him and sit next to Ghost, who has saved you as seat per usual.

"Hey Luv, ready to be bored and insulted for a few hours?"

"Are these really that bad, Bruv?"

"They are, Crumpet. They really are."

"Hey! You need to address your coworkers with respect! Nicknames have no place in this organization, Mr..."

"Riley, Lieutenant Riley." Ghost stiffens up in his seat, restrained irritation pouring off of him. The woman from human resources turns toward you.

"Ma'am I have the form here to file a complaint when you feel up to it. No rush."

"Uhh... a complaint?" You stare at her in complete confusion as she brandishes a form at your face.

"Yes, no one should be treated with such disrespect. Talking down to coworkers is frowned upon." Her voice is condescendingly sweet, grating on your last nerve already. You stare at her for a moment before nodding, and Ghost tries to catch your eye, looking shocked.

"Pet... I mean, Sergeant. Do my nicknames make you feel uncomfortable? I will stop if they do. You never said anything, or I wouldn't have..."

"Hmm...? Oh no, but I will be filing a complaint." Turning toward the smirking woman, you ask, "what was your name again? Brenda McMasters? Perfect." You quickly fill out the paperwork before handing it over. She skims it with a smile, then freezes in place as she reads it more closely, her smile falling. She looks up at you, then back at the paper, reading it again and again as the words sink in.

"You- you can't file a complaint on me! I'm the one teaching you about sexual harassment! I'm here to make sure these brutes don't attack you!"

You shrug before responding, "I feel singled out by you due to my gender and your policing of the camaraderie between myself and my teammates. It is making me feel very uncomfortable, Ma'am." Her jaw is hanging open in complete shock.

You stand and turn to the Captain, watching you with a grin on his face at the front of the room. "I don't know if I feel comfortable being taught by someone who is sexist and clearly violating policy, Captain Price. May we request a different lecturer? I know it will mean rescheduling, but I don't think we should be learning about harassment from someone who has a complaint on file."

Captain Price has to smother his grin and bite back laughter at your innocent expression when Brenda turns toward him. "You are right, Sergeant. Ma'am, I will take that complaint and file it. It wouldn't be proper for you to file one on yourself, or it might go missing in transit." He gleefully plucks the paper from her hands and walks out. She follows, looking ill. You can hear her trying to get the Captain to stop and discuss the matter..

You lean on the table with a pleased look. "So, free afternoon, now. Any plans?" The team just stares at you, still processing what happened. You see Ghost staring down at the table and tap his hand. "You alright, Tiger?" He looks up, visibly distressed.

"The nicknames, do they bother you, Sergeant?" He needs to know now. The last thing anyone here wants is to disrespect you.

"Course not. Makes my day. The only things better are cuddling after a long day while we watch movies in the rec room or killing fucks on the field together. HR doesn't know what the fuck they're talking about, Bruv." Turning back to the rest of the team with a grin you say, "How about we sun up on Captain's grass? He won't be back for a bit anyway."

"You're playing with fire, Lamb. We're in."

[dontexpectmuch]

when you saw judes text, you immediately got out of your class and walked as fast as you could, heart beating fast, almost threatening to jump out of your chest. your eyes were wide with thousands scenarios crossing your mind.

‘come over.’ read his first text, the second message was the one that triggered something inside you.

‘emergency’

did something happen at training? did he hurt himself? something with his mother?

when you reached the front door, panting, you knocked multiple times, your knuckles started to hurt a bit, but that didn’t matter. you waited for a few seconds and when the door opened confusion settled on your features.

“oh, dear? what are you doing here?” judes mum asked, just as confused as you. she had an apron on, meaning she was in the kitchen before you came.

you inhaled deeply, trying you best to steady your voice, “jude said there’s an emergency? i left class as fast as i could.” you explain, stepping inside and taking off your shoes.

“emergency?” denise mused, a small smile creeping on her lips, “how ‘bout you go to judes room? see it yourself.”

you thanked her quietly and made your way upstairs, hoping that jude was okay. standing infront of his door, you lifted your hand to knock at his door, but when you heard him coughing like there was no tomorrow you slammed the door open, eyes searching for him.

there he was, laying in his bed, the only visible part of his body were his eyes and nose, the rest covered by his blanket. the room was dimmed, his eyes lit up, though, when he saw you standing at his doorway.

“jude?” you called out his name, stepping closer to his bed.

“babe!” his voice was strained, weak even. he tried to sit up and when he inhaled he fell into another coughing fit, turning his body away from you.

“what happened? what emergency?” you question again, looking at his face. he seemed pretty relaxed, no signs of him going through something worth being described as an emergency.

“can’t you see, love? i’m dying.” he seemed serious, eyebrows drawn together as his upper body rested against the beds frame. his ears were slightly flushed and you noticed all the used tissues next to him.

you felt like laughing, he can’t be serious, can he?

“jude.” you begin, looking down at him, “be fucking for real, right now. don’t play with me.”

“‘m not, babe! i could be dying for all we know.”

“i’ll kill you myself, then you’ll be dead, for sure.” you take one of his pillows into your hand and hit him, as hard as you could.

“ow! babe, what the hell?” jude jumps out if his bed, now standing on the opposite of you, hands up to shield himself.

“no, come here.” you walk around the bed, he now stood in-front of you, his back against the wall, “i’ll give you an emergency.”

“that’s not how you treat ill people!” he exclaims, covering his head with his arms as you hit him with the pillow again.

“being sick is not an emergency, jude! i ran out of class for this!”

jude stands up straight, nodding as he puts his hands on your shoulders, “you’d be an amazing midfielder, i just know it-“

before he could even finish his sentence, you hit the side of his head again.

deserved.

——————————

hello 👍 felt goofy today

[dickmastersfruit]

valentino and velvet giving the reader one of those remotes that work on all different tvs so they can mess with vox without him knowing whos doing it

Fucking Annoying

Pairing: Vox x F!reader

Warnings: language.. porn??

Wordcount: 534

“God he's annoying, why the hell do I love him?” You groan, throwing yourself onto the couch. Velvette grabs your legs laying them on her legs as you slumped on the couch.

“Yes.. I ask myself that daily” Valentinos accented voice flows through the air. 

Your groan loudly trying to drown out his voice. Valentino laughs as he watches you. “You know i might have something for you” He says seriously this time.

“I swear to god if it's a gag gift again.. Or a literal gag, I will kill you in your sleep.

He rolled his eyes, narrowing them at you. “You give someone a sparkly gag once and now they think you’ll get them it again” He mutters to himself.

"It wasn't once" Velvette finally speaks.

"Maybe twice" Valentino says looking through a box he pulled out from the cupboard.

"Yeah more than twice" You laughed.

"Found it" He yelled as he pulled out a tv remote.

"Wow a remote, crazy" You said sarcastically. You watched Valentino roll his eyes as vox walked into the room. Valentino quickly shoved the remote into his pocket.

"Hey voxxy" You murmur not making eye contact with him. Vox ignored you before walking to the other side of the room and sitting in a chair away from the group.

Valentino sat next to you before grabbing your hand and carefully slipping the remote into it. "Just use it and you'll see" He whispers.

"If this is a sex thing ill murder you" You glare at him before pressing a button. You were praying that this didn't end up being some sex thing.

You jumped as suddenly Vox's tv head made a loud jarring noise. Your head snapped to Valentino who was trying not to laugh.

"Who the fuck did that" He yelled rushing over to you guys.

The three of you stared at him with shock confusion. "What do you mean my love".

He glared at you already sick and tired of the games you were playing today.

You pressed another button not quite sure what was gonna happen. Your mouth dropped as suddenly there was video of two girls and lots of explicit noises. "Oh wow" You said not knowing what to say but continued watching his screen.

"Oh fuck you guys" Vox said before turning the explicit video off. "I will kill whoever's doing this.. if its you... I'm doing more than killing you" He said smirking down at you. You could tell he knew it was you.

You gulped as he stared you down. Finally he left making you quickly give the remote back to Valentino. "I have uh business to attend to" You said as you rushed out after Vox.

"Oh yes business, of course sorry" Valentino yelled watching you run out the room.

You realized he hadn't walked further then the door because he expected you to meet up with him. He extended his hand out to you, which of course you took. "I knew it was you" He whispered as he pulled you into your shared room.

Suddenly the explicit video was back. You tried not to laugh as he groaned and ran out of your bedroom to kill Valentino.

Masterlist Vox Masterlist

[starwikia]

suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am. 

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions. 

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT. 

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

[on-my-vigilante-sht]

Capitol Punishment XIII

Haymitch x Reader

Summary: The Capitol continues to torture it’s victors no matter how long ago they won through punishment, exploitation, and worst of all; their relationships.

A story in which Haymitch’s lover is a plaything for the Capitol.

Warnings: Canon level violence, rape, alcohol, murder, systemic poverty, exploitation, rebellion (?), more reliance on movie than book, suicidal thoughts, swearing, illness, pregnancy, miscarriage, torture, sexual torture, medical stuff

Word Count: 3.7K

Part XII | Masterlist | Part XIV

A/N There will be medical stuff explained. I’m not a doctor so just pretend it makes sense

You felt like you had woken up in a strange environment 20 times in the last day and a half and you hoped this would be the last time you woke up like this.

As your eyes peeled open you were greeted with a harsh hospital light. You could feel someone holding your hand at your side. Turning your head you found Haymitch clasping your hand, head resting on the bed as he dozed off. You felt a smile tug at your lips seeing him so peaceful. You tried to reach over to stroke his hair with your free hand but whatever the doctors had done to you wouldn’t allow that as your abdomen cramped.

You returned to your previous position flat on your back with a hiss, stirring Haymitch. Which was impressive considering how deeply he used to sleep even when it wasn’t due him blacking out. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” he asked frantically, eyes moving around erratically searching for the cause of your pain.

“I’m fine,” you tried to calm him down. “Just a little sore from the surgery. Do you know what they did?”

“Just that they had to fix some internal bleeding. They said the doctor would be in to update us when you woke up,” he explained. He brushed some fingers through your hair. “God I’m so glad you’re okay. I know I’ll never be able to fix or make you forget what they did to you but I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

“Haymitch,” you scolded slightly, “it’s not your fault. I never once blamed you for this.” You lifted your hand to stroke down the side of his face. “I love you and I know you’d never put me in danger on purpose.”

“I never should’ve let you out of my sight,” he continued anyways. “Especially when I knew what was coming.”

Before you could protest once again the doctor came in. “Mrs. Abernathy,” he interrupted. “Glad to see you’re awake.”

“Uh- yeah,” you agreed, pulling away slightly from your husband. “What happened?”

The doctor paused for a second, struggling with saying what he needed to say in a delicate way. “Well, um, your injuries were due to, what we believe to be, repetitive, violent rape and a not properly cared for miscarriage. We stitched up the source of the bleeding internally and those stitches will degrade safely within the body over time so no need to get them removed. And while the Capitol did remove the decaying cells from your miscarriage to prevent you from going into sepsis, your uterus and other vaginal structures were mostly scar tissue. I’m sorry to say that you’ll never be able to carry a pregnancy again.”

You were horrified. Horrified remembering everything you’ve faced, not just in the Capitol after the Quarter Quell but also for the years of abuse that you hadn’t realized was killing your body in more ways than you thought. You were also disappointed remembering the miscarriage you had and the news that you’d never be able to give Haymitch a family. And yet also strangely relieved?

You faintly heard him dismiss the doctor before facing you again. “Hey, Y/N? It’s okay. I know you wanted to have a baby but-” With his words you let the tears fall, sobs wracking your body.

It took you a second to be able to speak but when you could you said, “No, it’s not that. Of course I wanted to have our baby and I know it’s fucked up to say this but I’m relieved. I wasn’t able to admit it to myself until now but I couldn’t possibly have a baby in this fucked up world. Especially as we’re fighting a war that we could very well die in. Haymitch, I love you, and I would’ve loved our baby so much but I’m glad I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I’m sorry if you don’t feel the same way.”

Haymitch paused, stunned. He never knew you felt that way about your pregnancy. “Don’t worry. I’m relieved too.”

Your heart melted knowing that this man would do whatever and be whatever to make you happy. Since you still couldn’t really move, you tugged his collar, urging him to kiss you. He complied, leaning up to press his lips to yours in a deep kiss full of all of each others’ love. Your first kiss since the arena.

When Haymitch pulled away to breathe all he wanted was to crawl into bed and hold you tightly to his side like he had after your games. But the Capitol beds were much larger and you were more fragile than he had ever seen you so he opted instead to sit back down, clasping your hand once again.

A couple hours later you and Haymitch had both dozed off in the relative silence of the hospital wing of District 13. You were both startled awake by Johanna slamming the door open. “Ah, I see you two lovebirds are reunited in your perfect fucking bubble,” she sneered with a false smile.

“Ah, Johanna, nice to see you survived the games and the Capitol,” Haymitch groaned.

“Haymitch,” you scolded, rubbing your eyes. “Can you give us a second?” you asked him. He pursed his lips, reluctant to leave you again but agreed anyways, sending a look to Johanna as he exited the room. “How are you?”

She scoffed, fiddling with the IV bag she wheeled in. “How do you think?”

“Well considering you’re allowed to walk and you managed to give those doctors hell when we got back, I’m guessing not too bad.”

She chuckled at that. “All I want to do it carve the hearts out of Snow and all those Capitol bastards,” she growled. “I’m sure you feel the same. We could all hear everything as Snow let those guys-”

“Johanna,” you cut her off, not wanting to relive it.

“Sorry,” she said realizing your discomfort. “They tried to do it to me too. Again. I refused, nearly killed a guard in the process. Why didn’t you fight back while we were there? Not like they could’ve hurt you any worse.”

“When I first woke up there I had no clue where Haymitch was. No idea if he was in danger or not. Also I watched you and Peeta get dropped in your cells half dead every day. I figured *that was a better alternative to what you were going through.”

Johanna shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess it’s just us picking our poisons.”

“Have you seen Katniss? Or Annie? Or even Peeta?”

She looked surprised. “You haven’t heard?” Confused you shook your head no. “The Capitol fucked with Peeta’s brain. He’s basically terrified of Katniss and is trying to murder her. Anything about her sets him off.”

Your eyes widened. “What? They brainwashed him? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

She shrugged. “I’ve been trying to see you since they finished all their stupid little tests. You haven’t been awake in almost a day.”

Your eyes fluttered in astonishment as you realized that you had missed out on so much information. “Okay, where’s Katniss?”

“Recovering. Peeta was about to choke her to death before Haymitch and a few other guys got him off her.”

“And Annie? Finnick?”

Johanna shrugged once again. “She and Finnick are off somewhere. She’s fine. She was hardly touched while were were in the Capitol.”

“Good,” you breathed. Annie was the only one you hadn’t been able to see since three sides of your cage had been metal. You sometimes heard her screams but they were rare and as far as you could tell the guards hardly ever went into her cell.

Johanna scoffed. “She got nothing while Peeta and I were electrocuted and beaten half to death every day.”

“Johanna,” you scolded. “It’s not her fault. Besides she’s been through enough.”

“We’ve all been through enough. You, me, Haymitch, Finnick? We all got the worst of it after our games. Katniss got out her games scot-free and so did Peeta except now he’s paying for Katniss’-”

Her words were interrupted by Katniss as she closed the door behind her. You were shocked, you hadn’t even heard her come in. “You’re alive,” was all she said. You weren’t sure it was directed towards you or Johanna.

“So are you,” she answered, exiting the room.

It was Katniss’ turn to sit at your bedside, Haymitch following after. Her throat was badly bruised and her eyes looked bloodshot. From Peeta you realized. “Katniss,” you said softly, observing the haunted look in her eyes.

“Am I the reason you and the others got captured?” she asked, looking at both you and Haymitch.

“No,” you interrupted quickly. “Us getting captured was no one’s fault. All this shit isn’t your fault, you were just trying to save Prim.”

She opened her mouth to protest by Haymitch interrupted her. “Y/N, Coin wants you to talk to Peeta.”

“Who’s Coin?” you asked.

“Oh, right. There’s a lot to catch you up on. She’s the President of 13. And since Peeta’s mind has been altered, we’re hoping your face will offer some comfort since you were in the Capitol together.”

“Okay,” you agreed, eager to help the boy too good for this world. You tried to push yourself up only for Haymitch to rush to your side, pushing you down again.

“Wait, wait, wait,” he insisted. “You’re not cleared to walk yet. Let me find a wheelchair.”

“Haymitch,” you whined, “that’s humiliating.”

“Do you want me to carry you?”

“No, because that’ll be humiliating for the both of us when you drop me,” you joked. He gave you a sour look. “Fine,” you conceded.

Haymitch left, leaving you with Katniss once again. “District 12 is gone. The Capitol bombed it after the arena went out. I just thought you should know.”

You felt your expression physically drop. Everything you had ever known was just gone? The place you grew up, as shitty as it was? The people who had tried to help you when you lost everything? Your home with Haymitch? The place you had married yourselves? Just gone. You didn’t know what to say and neither did Katniss but your processing was interrupted by Haymitch’s return. “Is District 12 gone?” you blurted out, hoping Katniss was wrong.

He stopped dead in his tracks before sighing, nodding his head. “I’m sorry, sweetie,” he tried to comfort, coming back to your side. “Do you want me to tell Coin you’re not up to talking to Peeta?”

“No,” you answered quickly. “I’m fine. I can do this.” You felt so helpless now that your home was gone, you wanted to help someone. So you reluctantly let Haymitch wheel you towards what looked like a garage door. From there a medical assistant took you around the corner to a normal door and wheeled you into the brightest and whitest room you had ever seen. Strapped down to the bed was Peeta who looked at you with broken eyes. You nearly let out a sob realizing how frail and tormented he looked. “Peeta,” you said softly.

“Y/N,” he replied in the same manner.

“How are you feeling?” you asked.

“Where are we?” he dismissed your question. “This isn’t the Capitol.”

“We’re in District 13. Turns out it’s still a real place. We were rescued.”

“My family hasn’t come to see me.”

You felt a tear prick your eye as you remembered how poorly his family treated him in the first place. After he won the games and gave them more money they could possibly hope for they still refused to move into the home he won for them in Victor’s Village. “I’m sure we can-” you turned to find the assistant to ask them to bring his family but one shake of the head from him and you knew Peeta’s family hadn’t survived the bombing. “I’m so sorry, Peeta,” you cried, trying to take his hand gently. But he pulled his fingers just out of reach.

“There was an attack on 12,” he recalled. His empty, haunted expression slowly morphed into anger. “It’s Katniss. It’s because of Katniss.”

“It wasn’t because of her,” you insisted.

“Did she tell you to say that?”

“She didn’t tell me to say anything.”

“She’s a liar, Y/N,” he insisted. “It’s a trick.”

“What you’re saying isn’t real.”

A look of realization dawned over his face. “She sent you in here to talk to me. She and Haymitch.”

“No,” you began.

“Liar!” he suddenly yelled. “They’re liars! They left us in there!” You could faintly hear Haymitch’s yell to pull you out as the assistant began dragging you out of the room. You watched in horror as Peeta thrashed around on the bed screaming that Haymitch had abandoned you in the arena.

~

After another day you were cleared to try walking again. Before, rather than having a catheter placed (thank god), Haymitch would just carry you to the bathroom. An easier feat now that you barely weighed a hundred pounds soaking wet. And as much as you appreciated it it was also infantilizing having to be carried to and from the bathroom by your husband.

As you swung your legs over the side of the bed you suddenly became afraid. You had been so eager to be able to walk again, wanting to regain some independence but now you were afraid to fail.

You glanced up at Haymitch who was nervously watching you. He had been reluctant when the doctor said you could try walking again, saying it was too early but you had a suspicion that he liked that you were so dependent on him for once. But you were itching for some self-worth so you slid off the bed, making hesitant contact with the floor. Once you began placing your weight on your legs you felt them shake slightly but nothing you couldn’t handle. Haymitch, however, was immediately at your side, taking our arm to hold your weight.

“Haymitch, I’m fine,” you insisted.

“I know but if you fall and tear your stitches-”

“I’m *fine,”  you insisted, a sense of finality in your voice.

“Okay,” he agreed, raising his free hand in surrender. He slowly released your other hand, allowing you to settle your weight on your legs. You felt a full ache in your hips and lower torso due to inactivity and the surgery but carried on nonetheless.

After a couple minutes of walking the shaking had gone away as your body quickly recovered it’s previous strength. “See?” you said smugly to your husband and your stride became more normal.

“You know we’re on the same team, right?”

“I still win,” you replied.

~

Unfortunately as soon as you were well enough to walk around they started forcing you into therapy.

“So, Y/N, how are you?” the therapist, Conrad, asked you, a gentle smile on his face.

“I’m fine,” you answered shortly. You knew he was just doing his job but you didn’t need therapy. You’ve been going through the same shit over and over again for the better part of a decade and were doing fine.

“Y/N, I understand you’ve just been freed from the prison Snow put you in long before he literally put you in a cell but you should still talk about it.” You didn’t say anything, just stared at him. “The Capitol also tried other, psychological torture. Starvation, sleep deprivation, that’s all in your file but I can tell they cut off your hair too.” You felt the urge to reach for your choppy hair but didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. “Out of all the things they could do to you why do you think they chose to go after your hair?” You still refused to speak. “Y/N I can’t count this session or even end it if you don’t say anything.”

“So you’re bargaining for my compliance?” you challenged. “Just like they did with food and sleep?”

“No, I-”

“You wanna know about my hair? The Capitol guys didn’t like fucking a bag of bones that couldn’t stay awake long enough for them to make me beg them to stop as they hurt me. So they decided to continue to punish me by cutting off my hair while still keeping it long enough to keep me pretty.”

“Y/N, this is a safe space-”

“Why do you keep saying my name?” you yelled.

“To remind you that you’re human. You have worth and an identity. You’re not just your body.”

You rolled your eyes. “Trust me, I haven’t lost any self worth. I may have complied to survive and keep Haymitch alive but don’t think I let them turn me into a mindless slave.”

“Haymitch,” Conrad said, jotting a note. “Tell me about your relationship.”

“Why do we need to discuss him?”

“Because he seems to be the only thing you care about.”

“I care about other things,” you said defensively.

“But he’s the first you’ve mentioned by name that I didn’t bring up first. So tell me, what’s your relationship like in your most difficult times?”

“You wanna know what he’s like in the worst moments of my life? He was there for me. Do you think I’d be with him this long if he was an asshole?”

“Well he did mentor you and he was the only person in 12 who could possibly relate to you at the time.” You rolled your eyes, getting angry. “I think you should try to find an identity outside of your relationship.”

“I’m done. Tell the doctors to either get me a new therapist or stop sessions entirely. I’m not talking to someone who badmouths my husband.” And with that, you stormed out, heading to your and Haymitch’s dorm.

Haymitch had had his own dorm but since you were married they allowed you to have a two bunk dorm. You both had insisted that you wouldn’t need another bunk but they moved you anyways so the other bunk was just another seating area.

As you entered you found Haymitch sitting up on the bunk, reading. “Hey, how was-” But you ignored him, just climbing onto the bed, cuddling into his chest. He hummed, realizing what must’ve happened. “Hmm, that good huh?” he asked sarcastically.

~

You hadn’t been allowed to do much besides meet with Conrad. They had refused to get you a different counselor so you refused to be cooperative no matter how long he held you in his office.

The doctors also checked up on you frequently as rumors of invading the Capitol spread through 13. Katniss had gone out a couple times on “missions.” One of which was in 2 where she was shot. Fortunately Cinna had the foresight to make her suit one fit for combat so she was fine aside from a few bruised ribs.

When you went to visit her it was just after Johanna had. “You ever had the wind knocked out of you like that?” you asked with a chuckle.

“Never,” she admitted. “Everyone saw me just collapse like a dead body,” she groaned, covering her face.

“Well yes but everyone is eating up the ‘The Mockingjay survived a bullet’ thing.”

“You should’ve been the Mockingjay, or Johanna. Neither of you would’ve fallen.”

“Well I can believe that for Johanna but trust me, I’m not superhuman. Besides, men aren’t threatened by you once they’ve seen you naked,” you admitted.

Katniss hummed for a second, basking in the haunted look in your eye. “Well I think Haymitch is still pretty intimidated by Johanna.”

You laughed at the memory in the elevator. “Yeah well Johanna’s a little different.” You took a breath. “All those men who tried to destroy me… I just wanna put a knife through each and every one of their throats. I never let myself be angry at them because it would make the situation so much more unbearable but now… all I can picture is the life leaving them.”

“So why don’t you? You’re not the Mockingjay. Go to the Capitol with the others.”

“I’m not cleared to fight. Too many injuries. Besides Haymitch would insist of coming and he’s still getting used to being sober. He couldn’t fight.”

“I couldn’t bring Peeta out there either,” she admitted.

~

You stood at the edge of the dance floor, admiring Finnick and Annie’s first dance as a married couple. You were happy for them, they had been through so much it was nice to see them get their happy ending.

As the bridesmaids and groomsmen were called to the floor you reluctantly let Haymitch pull you to the dance floor along with Finnick, Annie, Katniss, Gale, and a few others. “So, you ever think about having a big wedding like this?” Haymitch asked you.

You gave him a look. “Getting married with a bunch of strangers in a bunker in the middle of a war? I much prefer our little elopement.”

Haymitch smiled. “Me too,” he said sweetly. “At least our wedding had booze.”

~

A/N sorry if the tone felt rushed. It’s hard to write about Mockingjay because it’s the most complicated book/movie and it focuses so heavily on Katniss and the things only Katniss can do so filling in the gaps is difficult

Part XII | Masterlist | Part XIV

[ghostkingdoesstuff]

A friendly reminder I am not to be held accountable for the things I'm about to say. Percy Jackson Season 1 FINALLY (SPOILERS BUT THAT'S THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS)

The visceral noise I made eating popcorn as Luke said "look you didn't ask to be a half-blood" caused an earthquake in Alaska, I'm sorry I was facing northwest.

"Riposte" I'm sorry, no I'm sorry no-

Also, the background of the sword fighting scene was very pretty.

Poseidon showing up for his son!!! Letts gooooooo! THE WEIGHT OF THE OCEAN UPON YEE!!!

Right in the heel, it's gotta hurt!

Percy asked his uncle to please return his mom, wholesome family gold.

"He'll kill you." "I done to stop running from monsters." "You're gonna need all the luck you can get." The show gets why these two work. Friends before anything else.

Glory as a theme is something that I like that the show highlights more. But Grover is right. at least send an insurance email or something. A quick "on my way, please don't kill anyone"

Dropping the master bolt on some poor dudes desk, legendary.

Olympus is so fucking beutiful omg

I'm gonna cry if Luke and Percy are in the same scene as each other in this episode again. ILL DO IT! THAT'S A THREAT!

The dead silence, I'm shitting omg... yes I know what happens and?

Followed by "I didn't steal it! Neither did any of my friends" IM GONNA CRY! IM GONNA DO IT

The pin strip suit, the sky blue paisley tie, the presence, the voice, THE KING OF THE GODS PEOPLE

Lotta talk for someone so small and scary

POISIDEN GETTING BETWEEN HIS SON AND HIS BROTHER I'M GONNA THROW UP

POSIDEN AND ZEUS SPEAKING GREEK I'M GONNA PISS

THE SEA DOES NOT LIKE TO BE RESTRAINED (🎶BRING ON THE MONSTERS BRING ON THE REAL WORLD!!!🎶)

SALLY JACKSON TEACHING PERCY GREEK I'M GONNA-

"Of course we dream. why do you ask?" "Do you ever dream about mom?" ;-;

Thalia looking strudy as ever.

"Ready?" NO FUCK YOU NO

Another reminder I am not to held liable for anything I might say, you need only see how many times I've listened to "Last day of Summer" from The musical to understand how much I've thought of this moment in fictional time.

Confirmation that Luke was indeed what mattered most in the end? I'm gonna make myself cry shit-

Honestly, this Percy might be too smart for his own good. Bro's never gonna live this heartbreak down.

"You...I'm here to recruit." I- fucking- AHHHH

"OUR WAY OUT" RICK YOU BASTARD I HOPE YOU ROT IN ASPHODEL

"Stop saying "we"!" "It’s the word Zeus fears the most."

AND SHE HEARD EVERYTHING! Wasn't she supposed to be watching Clarrise? He'll, if Percy could figure it out, I'm sure Annabeth would. It's worth it to see that LOOK on Luke's face. I'm sorry. Feel the weight of your actions, man.

Miss my old friend the pit scorpion but I also like my new friend "the first scars we gave eachother"

He knows Luke won't hurt him physically, but the psychic damage hurts more and has lasting status de buffs.

"Just be a kid" that's it

"I'll find you" that's it

Promising to meet again next summer...Percy just you wait.

THE FAKE OUT OF A LIFETIME

"Grandpa" "don't call him that"

They are the ultimate mother son duo

BLUE PANCAKES!

Kinda hate that Sally didn't intentionally do a murder, or at least she has a lot more possible deniability now, but I hope she still makes a sweet sale on that sculpture!

And that's it! Fuck it's over what to do now... RE READING THE LIGHTING THEIF LIFE BLOG COMING SOON! As well I'll probably drop a summary of my thoughts on the whole season at some point soon! Happy Finally, y'all! Can't wait to see the discorse!

[curatoroffiction]

Overprotective Part 2

The first post of this story can be found here. The post this story was based off of can be found here.

Your words hit Lucifer like a truck. He grabs your arm, stopping you, and when you turn to yell at him, you pause when you see the visible fear and pain in his expression.

You two are soon joined by Mammon and Beelzebub standing in the doorway, having followed you in your frustration. The two arrive just in time to hear Lucifer ask you "What do you mean you hope you die?"

You didn't really mean it, you were just SO tired. So fucking tired. So done with having every little thing in your life softened and controlled.

Before you can answer, Mammon blurts out "WHAT D'YA MEAN YOU WANNA DIE!?" while Beelzebub quietly stares at you, trying to understand.

Mammon's outburst attracts everyone in the house. It's hard not to hear him.

Soon the brothers are all spilling out the door, and you think you can even see Belphegor somewhere hidden in the background.

You sigh. "… I can't keep doing this thing where you guys control every part of my life. I can barely deal with you controlling ANY part of my life." You shrug Lucifer's grip off your arm, and you finally begin to address the issue head-on.

You look to Levi; "I want to be able to watch sad movies and sad shows. I want to enjoy the angst. I want to be able to cry. It's good! It's healthy! What ISN'T healthy, is avoiding sad things all the time, like they're going to kill me!"

Levi cuts in; "But they COULD kill you!" before quickly getting quiet again, not meaning to talk over you.

You stare at him in frustration and confusion. "… What do you MEAN they can kill me?"

"Humans who watch more sad shows tend to live shorter lives.."

"…" It begins to click for you. But you also have to rectify this misinformation; "Levi, those statistics don't imply causality. If they're even real, they'd imply correlation. People who only watch sad things that are painful probably aren't living very happy lives to begin with. They're probably trying to cope through a tough reality, which would likely be the REAL cause of their shortened lifespan, in conjunction with a HUGE number of other factors."

"…"

"Watching sad shows is good, and can even help with test-running sad scenarios before they happen in a low-stakes environment, which is GOOD for emotional health and wellbeing."

"…"

"If all I ever do is watch sad shows, then yeah, maybe I need help. But that's not the same as watching a few in a rotation of other medias."

Leviathan looks rather embarrassed.

"And you!" You turn your attention towards Asmodeus. "Asmo, you can't keep trying to destress me all the time! Stop giving me creams and tinctures and your new balm of the week! I want to stay up! I want to live a little messy!"

"But those things are GOOD for you! I never push anything on you that I didn't already use myself!"

"That works FOR YOU - It's not going to work for everyone! It makes my stress WORSE when I have to adhere to your strict regimen! It's exhausting and frustrating, and it takes any joy I got out of sharing those bonding moments with you, and sucks the life out of it!"

Asmodeus realizes he never considered that you weren't enjoying being doted on. He LOVES being doted on, so he thought you would want the same thing. Looking at you now though, and realizing his behavior contributed to this stress and this problem that's coming to a head now, he feels… Not great.

As Asmodeus gets quiet, you look to Satan, who is surprised. "Satan, I get that you're worried about my health, but when you treat me like I'm not doing enough? It's so fucking insulting. Telling me to take care of my health like I'm not already doing that. Telling me the statistics of illnesses and injuries isn't useful, it's fear-mongering at best."

"I just thought that someone in this house should be wary of what can befall a human - You're all so delicate."

"But when you treat me like I'm paper, all I want to do is just tear myself apart! If I can't walk down a set of stairs without you telling me the statistics of stair-related injuries and trying to hold my hand, I'm never going to feel like I can live my life! Imagine if YOU had someone constantly walking through your room, telling you the statistics of book avalanche-related injuries, while touching all your stuff and changing everything so you can't live the way you want to!"

The contrast to his own life makes Satan double-take. He never realized he was being controlling and invasive, but your comparison brings light to how his behavior could damage your relationship. "… It would be rage-inducing."

"Exactly! And Belphegor!" Belphegor tries to hide himself, but the brothers part under your frustrated gaze, and you can see the sleep demon anxiously shifting under your scrutiny. "Belphegor, why are you avoiding me??"

"….." He's quiet, struggling to put words to everything. Beelzebub realizes his brother's been hurting, and he hasn't realized because he was so concerned with your wellbeing. Beelzebub gently rubs Belphegor's back, and Belphegor covers his face, looking away as he finally is able to get out the words; ".. I didn't want to hurt you."

His reasoning is different from everyone else's. It's reasonable in the fact that it's already happened.

Though, what DOES make it unreasonable, you have no problem telling him; "If you don't want to kill me, you're not going to! You don't kill people you don't want to! And besides, if it's a fear of accidentally hurting me, that's normal! People accidentally hurt the people they love all the time! People don't accidentally KILL the people they love all the time, and what you did to me when I first arrived in Devildom WASN'T AN ACCIDENT!"

Belphegor is silent, soaking in your explanation.

Your voice softens as you become a little less frustrated, being able to voice everything that's been bottled up inside; "SO- As long as you don't want to kill me, you're not going to. And if you accidentally hurt me? I'll heal. We'll work through it together-"

"What if I hurt you in a way you can't heal from? Demons are strong and- …" It chokes on the edge of his tongue, threatening to come out. He tries to hold it back, but he can't. "And.. I know better than anyone how easy it is to snap your neck. It was like a toothpick. Do you know how terrifying it is to realize that I have to control my strength to that level around you? All it takes is one playful shove, and you could end up in the hospital- Or worse. You're so much more delicate than you realize, and we have to be so much more careful than you realize."

It's here that a silence comes over everyone as you soak in his explanation. You never really realized how difficult it was for the demons to reign in their strength to keep you safe. You thought it was fairly breezy, since everyone else seemed so relaxed until recently.

It's your turn to feel sheepish.

".. I'm.. Sorry. I didn't know. But there has to be a middleground. You avoiding me makes me feel awful. I feel unloved and unwanted and ignored. I don't want to be safe at the cost of our relationship. And my safety shouldn't be an ultimatum."

"…." Belphegor's eyes are sad, and he's been trying to hold back the tears, but he can't. Beelzebub holds him and tries to comfort his brother.

The demon of gluttony realizes he too has been trying to control your life too, which has probably been causing you undue stress, which is probably why you ran out here in the first place. ".. I'm sorry for making your life more stressful, _. I want to keep you safe, but it's obvious that I should have talked with you about it."

The apologies start spilling as one by one, the brothers begin apologizing for controlling your life and making you feel ostracized.

Mammon doesn't apologize as he doesn't feel like he crossed any boundaries, and makes it known when Asmodeus elbows him. "Hey, I didn't cross any boundaries!"

"… I mean, trying to feed me shady vitamins out of a bag is hilarious, but also probably not exactly healthy."

"But I've been making you better food too! Packin' the nutrients in!"

"Is THAT why you learned to cook all these new dishes??"

"YEAH!"

"…" His kindness and effort were sweet, and the least invasive of the brothers' attempts to help you and prolong your life.

But those weren't the only things he was doing. "I need you to stop trying to give me protein shakes and vitamins and whatever 'health supplement' you find on the shelf. The health supplement market is really messed up. I've lowkey been avoiding most of what you give me, because there's no regulation in that market, and it actually COULD hurt me."

He's stunned. He figured some of his methods might've been a bit harmful, but he also figured he would get enough right that it would cancel all the bad stuff out.

You continue; "Can we all find a middleground? Why are you all so scared of me dying right now? Did something happen?"

Lucifer nods, having been listening; "I think a middle-ground would be better. If you're feeling stifled, that's not healthy either. And it's obvious we need to take better care of you-"

"Why do you NEED to take care of me?" You turn to Lucifer, exhaustively. It stops him in his tracks and he stares at you, confused.

"… Because you're precious to us."

"But I'm not helpless. Do you not trust me to reach out when things are getting difficult? I can advocate for myself, Lucifer! It's so demeaning when you treat me like you know better, and like I'm just some bumbling idiot who you have to keep from dying!"

The words cut deep. The last thing he ever wanted to do was to make you feel like he looked down on you. You are one of the most important people in his life, and he adores you. The fact that you haven't been able to see that causes Lucifer to become quiet as he reflects on his own behavior.

He should have reigned in his brothers. He should have given you space. He should have advocated more for giving you your own voice, not talking over you with what you should have been doing.

It all seems so clear and so obvious, but it took you speaking up for him to realize how much he's been ignoring your emotional needs in care of your physical health.

And with this whole meltdown, he's realizing that it was the breaking point.

"I too, am sorry, _. I never meant to make things more difficult for you. I love you dearly. I will be better, going forward."

You finally seem to relax as he apologizes.

But he continues; "Can we please talk about your mortality, though?"

Everyone can see it's not exactly a conversation you WANT to have. But you know it's one you need to have. ".. Okay."

Levi sputters out with his frustration first; "If you die, then I won't be able to share the rest of my life with you. There's so much that can happen when you're gone. I know you're not going to live long, and it scares me. I don't want to reach a day where I want to knock on your door to ask you to hang out, but I know you'll never answer." He's tearing up as he says this, his body physically shaking.

Asmodeus gently rests a hand on Leviathan's shoulder, looking to you, a sad expression on his face. ".. I think a lot of us share that sentiment. We want to get in as many good memories as we can, because you are such a precious, amazing, wonderful person. You are a once-in-eternity kind of person, and we will never be able to fill the hole you'll leave when you die. It's so hard to think of moving on when we've barely gotten to share a life with you."

Satan fidgets with his fingers against his leg, but he can't keep himself contained any longer, cutting in; "Solomon's here to stay forever, why can't you be too? We know it's possible. We know you could stay alive forever. The bastard says he doesn't remember what he did to curse himself with immortality, and every immortality curse I've found comes at a great cost…" He finally looks to you directly. "But all of that aside, it's hard to even broach the topic with you. Do you WANT to live forever? It would be selfish for us to ask you to carry the pain of watching every one of us die, just because we can't bear the sight of losing you. I can't bear the sight of losing you.. But it feels so selfish. And I don't want you to ever reach a point where that sorcerer is the only friend you still have left that hasn't died. …" His voice trails off in frustration, losing his train of thought to the idea of you living eternity alone with Solomon. You can see Satan's grappled with this issue for a while.

Belphegor picks up where Satan left off; "It's hard to imagine a world without you. You came into our lives, and it was like breathing for the first time in a long time. We love who we are because of you.. And I think we're all scared of who we'll become when you're gone. Losing you will be right up there with losing Lilith as the worst things we've ever experienced, and we won't have another you who can help us through it. We wouldn't WANT another you. …. But we simultaneously recognize that it's not your responsibility to help us through it."

Seeing his brothers going back and forth about their feelings, Mammon can't help but be grounded in the moment. ".. I think we wanna take responsibility for it now, because when you're gone, we're gonna hafta take responsibility for it anyways, yeah? …" He looks anywhere but directly at you. "…" His silence is hard as he chokes back the tears, trying not to fall apart in front of his brothers, but between Levi's crying and Asmo's sniffling and everyone else's pain, it's hard for Mammon to keep strong.

So Lucifer steps up to the plate. "We're sorry for pushing all of this on you, _. It shouldn't be your responsibility to help us through the pain and loss that hasn't even afflicted us yet. It's hard to talk about this without accidentally putting pressure on you to choose an eternity that could hurt you so much worse in the long run, just to keep our own heads on straight. Do you understand? We promise, it was never meant to make you feel belittled, we just.. We've never dealt with something like this before; A slow attrition of loss that we either have to accept, or find a way to fight.." He gently rubs your back, looking you in the eyes. ".. And we've never really been the kind of people to back down from a fight."

"…" It all makes sense. And hearing their hearts laid bear like this clutches at your heart. You never wanted them to feel like they couldn't come to you about this, but you understand how it got this bad. It would take facing all of their fears and letting you come to an answer at your own pace, without pressuring you. THAT'S why they tried to prolong your life without saying anything. THAT'S why they kept talking about your health. THAT'S why they kept trying to circumvent the issue.

You continue; ".. I appreciate the honesty, guys. I love you all too. I don't want to leave you guys all alone, but.. You're right. Immortality would be a huge decision. If it's even achievable. … And I understand why this all happened. I understand why you guys pushed the way you did. I think we should keep talking about this, but, taking it a little slower. That way, you guys aren't completely holding back the floodgates, but I also don't get overwhelmed. Whatever happened, whatever fate I choose for myself, I do want it to be my own decision. But I think I NEED to make that decision. I've put it off because I didn't really want to think about it, but.. I don't want to put it off until it's out of our hands."

Lucifer rubs into your back, listening. All the brothers listen.

"Until then, until I figure out if I want eternity or not, can we please go back to how things used to be? I'll do my best to take good care of myself, and advocate my needs, but I need you guys to trust me that I'm going to take care of myself and let me live a little, even if it's risky. I promise, I'm not going to be diving off the roof, but I want to be able to play games that make me sad, eat junk food that gives me pimples and might not be GREAT for my heart. I want to hang out with you guys, even if I could get hurt. I want to not be reminded of my mortality constantly, and be able to make my own choices about my own limits. I promise to be good to myself and reach out if I'm struggling, but you guys gotta promise to be willing to let me take more responsibility for my life again."

"You need some good things in your life though." Levi doesn't want his efforts to get lost in the shuffle.

"I'll make sure to set aside time to enjoy good shows with you that are happy and show how good life can be. Can you sit with me through the sad ones and help me pick up the pieces?"

Levi nods, wiping his eyes.

Asmodeus takes this chance to add; "You also need to be gentler with yourself. You can't be up at all hours of the night every night."

"I'll be good about my self-care, making sure I'm getting good sleep and relaxation. Can you love on me when I don't want to be presentable and good and I want to just throw caution to the wind sometimes when it comes to the littler self-care things? I don't want every minute I spend with you guys to be an exercise in avoiding death. I want to LIVE a little, which means we'll get messy and make some bad decisions sometimes."

"Of course. But only if you're not letting yourself fall to ruin. I don't want to watch you waste away.."

"I promise I'll reach out if I start to struggle, and I'll accept your help if that time comes."

"Thank you."

"And your health-" Satan adds, a little embarrassed, but not wanting it to go unaddressed. "You need to be wary of how dangerous this world is, and how fragile a human body is."

"I won't go throwing myself down the stairs or taking wildly unnecessary risks - So long as you let me take risks and get hurt sometimes. I'd rather you help me patch myself up after getting burned or cut than to live my life constantly cushioned." You look to him so earnestly that Satan is flustered, but he understands. Life without risk isn't exactly living.

"I think I can do that."

You look to Belphegor, who has been quiet this whole time. ".. And Belphegor, can you please be in my life again? I miss you."

"… What if I hurt you again?"

"We'll figure it out together."

"What if I can't control myself?"

"You have 6 brothers who will happily kick your entire ass if you go Human Murderer on me again. You should rely on your support system. Don't be afraid of fighting with me. We need to be able to have fights and disagree and have bad days sometimes. What matters is coming back together and making things right, and relying on our support systems so it doesn't get out of hand. Alright?"

Upon mention, his brothers quickly crowd him and hug him and hold him, reminding him that he's not alone in this. He's not alone in learning how to be better to you.

"…." Belphegor nods, tearing up again, soaking in everyone's love.

Mammon scratches his cheek as he looks to the side and adds "Since we're all talkin' about ways you can stay alive longer.. Can we come to you when we find stuff that could be an option? There's gotta be more options than forever immortality an' death, yeah? Witches stay alive for ages!"

"… Only if you don't pressure me to take it, and you let me be the ultimate decider, and you don't bombard me with stuff all the time. I don't want you coming at me with 'Prolong your life now' schemes every other day. I want to be able to live with you guys, and live the life I have, however long it's going to be. Alright?"

".. Alright." Mammon seems more comforted in the idea that he can keep looking for ways to give you more options.

Beelzebub slowly moves towards you, silently wrapping his arms around you in a hug. You hug him back. The brothers begin all coming close to hug you. Beelzebub apologizes once more; ".. We're sorry for stressing you out. Thank you for listening to us and our concerns. You're important to us. We love you."

Hugging as many of them back as you can as you're squeezed softly into the fold, you respond; "Thank you guys for talking to me about it instead of continuing to be weird and stand-offish. We'll figure it out as we go. In the meanwhile, let's make good memories."

The brothers begin heading inside, you following them.

Lucifer lags behind a little, tugging a trinket out of his pocket. It's a pendant which would keep you from aging which he picked up thinking you might like it - But considering the conversation and the boundaries you've just set, he thinks it would be best to just.. Be in the moment with you.

He stuffs it back into his pocket and comes to join the group in the house, and he opens the door just in time to hear Levi cry out "NO BUT THAT IS THE SADDEST ANIME EVER-" followed by your hallowed cackling of 'making up for lost time'. Lucifer smiles to himself.

However long they have with you, it's the greatest treasure of all.

[jazeswhbhaven]

It saddens me to say lovelies...that the future of this account...is that of a concerning fate....

WAKE UP LOVELIES

...it's the first of the month....

This account for one isn't going anywhere btw. Had to make a little jokey joke because april fools day y'know.

I do have some updates though since I always give them for each month. 💖

First, I've finally made it to 500 follows??? Thank you all for being amazing and showing up and showing out for the love on all my drabbles, request answers, just anything. Especially my brain rot. A couple of things I'd like to address for this blog as it grows is the following:

-this is a judgement free zone within reason. i have my boundaries and strong opinions that may pop up, my intention isn't to be 'hoiler than thow' or wave fingers (i mean i'm playing a demon sex game hello?) but at the same time, there's some stuff that just ain't it and i will bring it up if i feel the need to to establish my limits.

-i am only one admin with audhd and a fucked up sleep schedule. so i may be late to the hype, right on it, or it's two days later and i'm catching up. that's just how it is

But I welcome you, and if you're new...enjoy your stay, it's wild here.

NOW onto my requests/inbox

If you've checked my pinned there's been updates. As of today, any request sent from now until the end of the month will not be answered until May in the order received. Any requests you see posted during April are old ones I hadn't gotten to. I'm working this month on how to organize requests, and make sure I stick to my waiting times as per stated or throw them out. I like working on requests, it gives me something to do. However I really wanted to focus on creating my own content for the blog, that's what I started this entire thing for (if any of you remember my old now shadowbanned blog) that was the base of it. Which segways into this next bit. I am dangerously shifting into burn out mode....

The thing about being nuerodivergent and on medications for different illnesses, and while trying to build a healthier lifestyle, I am constantly battling wanting to keep up with my writing peers on posting fics, answering requests, being a part of a fandom again.

But ngl the numbers are killing me. I get anxious about getting a huge following and then coming up short cause I know how it gets. Hard criticism, parasocial relationships, hate follows, that shit haunts me. So when I try to answer ya'lls request quickly I sit here at my computer numb and brain full of fog because I simply can't think of how to answer. That's been happening a lot. And truthfully April is never a good month for me. I just want to coast this month...be minimally busy as possible and just not think much. To rememdy that, this is why I have decided to take an entire month off taking any new requests. A reset. Trying to find that balance. I need it before I crack.

Andddd now for some light hearted stuff.

It's my birthday month!

idk if I'll be doing a special thing on this blog during that time, but if I do, you'll know~ Beel's birthday is on the 4th btw so that's really cool we share the same month ^^ Got him on the quiz, both of us have adhd, and now the same birthday month. He just wants me to surround myself around him huh? i don't mind that tho. that's my boo.

To end this long ass post, stay awesome, stay lovely, and enjoy my brain rot and stupid reacts 😘

-your lovely admin, ♥( ˆ⌣ ˆԅ)

[oh-its-souichi]

Marry Part 3

Sakuna x Reader

This is not edited warnings- the usual, death, emotional manipulation

...

It had been days since he had last seen you, he had barracaded himself away, thinking.

He sat in his tea room now, staring blankly at the wall. He didn't know what was coming over him, what was scratching its way through his chest. Hie eyes bore into the wall, and he gritted his teeth. Why did he stand up for you, and why did he insist you come and see him after you were clean.

You were just another stupid sacrifice, and he cursed the elders who chose to send you. Maybe he would be better off to kill you, snap your neck like the other women, and leave you to bleed.

He didn't like the thought of that, though. He imagined the feeling of your neck bones breaking under his grasp, and it made him nauseous. He signed adjusting his posture and dropping his head into his hands. "Fucking bitch" he mumbled. There had to be something he could do.

He cast his eyes out the window towards the thick green forested mountains, a malicious smile spreading across his face.

"Lord Sakuna" he heard a women say.

"What is it?" He replied.

"Your wife has grown ill again" she spoke again.

He sighed and rested his head in his hands. "I really dont care. Just leave her outside. It's a full moon tonight. The wolves will take care of her. " He was too busy to deal with or kill another woman. He was preoccupied with thinking of how to get rid of you. The women behind the sliding door to his tea room hesitated, and that annoyed him. "Do not make me repeat myself," he sighed, then stopped, "you said again?" He hadnt realized what women she was talking about before.

He got up from the floor and walked across the room with a smile on his face. "You're talking about that idiot woman, the one in pink?" He smiled, and your maid nodded. He had thought you would get an infection from being thrown into the pond and that he guessed that was what happened. "Maintain her treatment," he said, simply looking down. You maid stammered, taken aback by his words, but bowed "yes my lord," she said and walked away. He slid the door shut and returned to his spot by his table. He cast a look out the window and sighed again. "So much for getting rid of her" he mumbled a slight feeling of worry in his chest.

...

He found himself walking down the hallway it was mostly quiet but as wrapped around the corners leading to the chambers his wives resided he heard a distant commotion, it atarted with random thumps then as he got closer he could hear panicked voices. When he walked across the corridor and into the wives' chamber, he was met with disaray. Women were huddled in their doorways, their eyes cast down the hallway, not having noticed he stepped in. There were maids and servents rushing in and out of your room. Bloody sheets and gauze was stacked up along the hallway across from your door. Calmly he walked down the hall and into the room. The doctor he assigned to you was sweating profusely and trying to mix something up, the vanity in your room having become a sort of medical lab. You maid stood beside you, gripping your hand and his eyes widened when they finally found you.

You were barely covered, a sheet wrapped around you breasts and your lower region. Your hair was sprawled out around your head and your skin was ghastly. Your eyes were glazed over, and you were staring up at the ceiling. "Hes up there I know he is" you whispered, and your maid shook her head. "Hes not Y/N, please stop," she shushed, her voice tremmbling. There was so much commotion that no one seemed to notice. Something he had to fix.

He cleared his throat and the doctor and your maid snapped their heads up. "Would anyone care to explain what is going on here?" He smiled. The dr looked back down and continued mixing up a white liquid. "Shes gone into septic shock. Her wounds are badly infected, but shes not responding to the medicine. It is not touching the swelling nor her fever." He rushed slamming down the spoon in his hand. He carefully held the cup and rushed to your side. "Please help me ipen her mouth" he said to your maid and she nodded. "Y/N time to take your medicine" she whispered and he pondered at the sound of your name. He had never heard it before, never thought to learn it.

You didn't reply, just smiled weakly up at them. "I miss my father," you croaked. They ignored what you said and dumped the liquid down your throat, the aggression of it making him cringe. "This is fixable, I assume?"Sakuna said, and the dr. looked up at him. "At this point, I dont know my lord," he said with the face of a man that had accepted his own death. It almost made him laugh. "You know what happens if she dies doctor" he seethed under his sharp smile and the dr nodded. "Im well aware my lord." He said rushing back to the medicine table. "Has she swallowed it?" The dr called back and your maid looked into your mouth. "She has but it looks like-"

For a second time, it slowed down, and it was the scent that hit his noce first. It was the smell of rot, death. It came from you. He snapped his eyes up, and before you could return his gaze, he noticed your eyes roll to the back of your head. Your limbs began to shake, and he swiftly came to your side, shoving your maid away. "Leave us," he commanded. He worked on impulse, placing his hand on your chest he attempted to use reversed curse energy to take down your infection. It was a new technique to him so its effectivity would vary. He hoped it would take the edge off of the infection because after this seizure passed, he knew you would die. You were weak and he hated that. "Pathetic" he mummbled placing his hand on your chest. He focused his energry and suddenly he felt your body inflate underneath his palm. You took a deep breathe in and your eyes shot open. They immediately snapped to him but they didnt look grateful, nor happy. You looked horrified.

He felt a twinge of anger at the expressiona nd had half the mind to keep healing you until your body simply quit. "Im healing your wounds," he mumbled, but your expression remained the same.

You looked at him now like he was a monster and he hated it. 'I hate it?' He thought to himself, a chuckle bubbled up in his throat, and he began to laugh. He hated when you looked at him like a man, he hated when you looked at him like a monster. "Its best you dont look at me" he smiled but your eyes stayed locked onto him. He stared back at you feeling the challenge in your gaze. His smile slowly fell and he felt himself lift his right hand and strike you across the face. "I said enough!" He yelled.

Your eyes fluttered closed, and a welt of his hand swelled up on your face. Blood trickled down your face where his nails had dug into your cheek.

He had hit you harder than he meant to. He stood breathing heavily and took his hands off your body, staring down at you. The thoughts that had been in his head had vacated, and now he was left with a deafening silence and a nauseating sickness that churned in his stomach. He sighed and turned around, leaving the room.

This time, he left his palace and didn't return. He walked out the palace doors and down to the nearest village, pumbeling it to the ground, from the top of the hill all his wives heard the screams of those below but the snuggled deeper into their blankets avoiding the sound. As he drained the men and women of the village of their blood, snapping their necks and making them shreik, he felt his stomach turn in disgust. He felt angry at himself for hurting you. He wanted to march up the hill and heal the welt on your face. He wanted to swoop you under his arms and keep your from the world. It seemed you were better off untainted by it anyhow.

He sent no word of where he was going or how to contact him. He just left. Spending the next couple of months, basically killing and pillaging. He hungered for more power, and it was through this he was able to obtain it.

The day he returned, it was snowing and dark. The warm yellow lights of his palace looked cozy and comforting. A smile spread across his face when he thought of seeing you again. You had occupied a good part of his mind in the calmer times of his "vacation," but he tried to avoid the subject. It always led back to the memory of his hand print on your face, and he hated that it bothered him so. He walked up the wooden steps and swung open the doors. A gust of heat hit his body first and he took a deep breath in enjoying the stark difference in temperature.

Things looked the same on the inside, the smell as well. It's as if time had frozen since his departure. There were no sounds either, no people in sight. He closed the door behind him and started walking the palace. On his way around it a few maids scurried by, dropping their heads when they noticed him. "Welcome back, my lord," they squeaked. He ignored them and kept walking. His feet took him to your hallway. It was completely quiet, and all the lights were off, darkening the walkway to the point of pitfh black. He found his way to the end of the hallway and slowly opened your door. He half expected you to be gone. An empty mattress was the only thing left, but that wasn't the case. You were tucked neatly in your bed, facing the window. He snuck in, sliding the door behind him, and found his way to your side.

He slipped two of his arms under your back and two under your legs and lifted you easily up. Your eyes popped open, a gasp leaving your mouth but he shushed you.

Without a word uttered between you, he carried you back from where he had come, making his way to the main entrance and out the front door. His personal room was hidden underneath the palace from a different exit. It would be too obvious to sleep in the superfluous building. He covered your eyes and made his way to a mossy stone carving. It was of a dragon, a horrid looking one. The surrounding area was thick with trees and shrubbery, so someone would have to be pretty hard pressed to notice the statue. He harshly twisted its head, and a vaulted door opened beneath him. He stepped down the stairs, and it closed quickly behind him.

It was a long staircase and much more dingey than he remembered. He didn't spend much time down here. Rest at this point for him was somewhat of a pleasure activity, so he usually found himself busing himself with his studies or training. At the bottom of the stairs was another door. He opened it, being met with a blast of warm air. It smelled good as well, a deep perfume smell, along with the hint of smell the fireplace gave off. The carpet was plush red, and though the room wasn't huge, it was big enough to keep a red pit coach as well as a mahogany canopy bed on the far right corner. It was surrounded by whispy red fabrics that matched the theme of the room. He chose to keep things red and black. The coach was a dark perfect black along

You stared seemingly at nothing, not having said a word the entire way. "You will live here from now on" you said lowly and you snapped your head towards him, your eyes locking onto his. He saw your mouth open slightly to protest but you quickly closed it and turned your head back to it original position. "Yes, my lord," you said, your voice cool and calm. He smirked. "Am I not your husband?"

You nodded "Yes, my husband" you said your voice robotic now, lacking the same livelihood it had the first night he met you. It burned him and he felt rage well up into his throat.

[thespoonisvictory]

I Ramble About The Ending For A Long Time

ok hello i am insane yes yes 

however when else are you going to see me write c!crime meta

what’s important first off is that the emotional core of the story is still there. that’s the only reason why this works for me. this was a story about two bored brothers who make a story that turns into a nation together, and under that it’s about communication and loyalty and the strain mental illness places on a relationship and underneath even that it’s a story about two streamers in a pandemic who wanted content and to make each other laugh. 

that is never undermined or taken less than 100% seriously; it’s the emotional core of the whole thing. as wild as it gets and as bold choices are made, both wilburs love both tommys and vice versa. 

it’s a similar story with the line at the end: “I never did quite forgive myself” isn’t undermined, isn’t played for laughs. The argument c!crime have is incredibly well done and people will write actual analysis about that so you should go read it, but the gist of it is that c!crime are what they’ve always been: more than a bit unhealthy, perpetually arguing, but never quite willing to give up on each other.

with that being said, I felt like that was what I wanted out of the finale achieved. now to get into the wild parts.

the interesting part for me is how c!wilbur’s insane mindset is, for the first time, actually challenged and beat.

we’ve been saying for months that one of c!wilbur’s biggest issues is that his paranoia manifests in believing he is in a story, that there are roles like heroes and villains, that he has to play his part and there is nothing he can do about it. he’s his own self-fulfilling prophecy, he takes himself incredibly seriously, and most importantly, he is aware of the audience.

and nothing could break that. everyone around wilbur confirmed to his narrative, letting his vague statements that were clearly a narrative foreshadowing to suicide slip by. he’s getting swallowed up again by his own story, he is the one putting chekov’s gun on the wall, never quite saying something, but implying just enough that he was willing it into reality.

(he does the same thing in season 1, remember? he tells everyone he’s going to press the button enough times that by the end he feels like he has to because he’s foreshadowed it, because it’s who he is now. eret said it was never meant to be and thus it wasn’t. if you’re in an improv rp and you know it, speaking things is enough to make them real.)

and it almost works again! he almost follows the exact same trajectory of self-deprecation and sealing his fate. except. tommy’s not taking it this time.

tommy, having gone through everything he’s gone through, finally gets to win this. he looks the entire force of wilbur’s simultaneously self-aggrandizing and deprecating mindset dead in the eye and says tell me what you’re fucking talking about. 

he says the words! he looks at wilbur and says we’ve both been in this story before, I know what you’re doing, I know who you are and what this is and I’m not going to let it happen again. tell me, are you going to kill yourself? he enters into wilbur’s spiral and says this can’t be redemption if you still won’t be honest with me and you can’t leave without apologizing. 

he gets right to the core, no subtext, with all the blunt honesty he’s ever had, and c!wilbur, worn down from fighting and apologizing and the exhaustion of it all, finally gives in. he stops lying. 

his backstory was never cool. he was a gas station attendee, never any sort of leader before coming to the smp, and his jacket was just another uniform. he isn’t even european. he somehow sailed here from a landlocked state, because why not. this is Not the type of backstory for the type of person he’s trying to build himself up to be, this isn’t the fit for the genre at all! 

but insanely, impossibly, it’s true. it’s canon. just like the fish fucking and the fridge mom and everything else. it is ridiculous! and with that, it’s the realization that wilbur’s story has always been a serious character with serious feelings in ridiculous circumstance. his very real suicide was attempted via looney-tunes-esque sticks of dynamite in a pile, his ghost talks in a high-pitched voice and gives out blue dye. none of this undermines the seriousness of c!wilbur’s feelings, but it does undermine how he views himself as some great evil out of Game of Thrones. 

he died and got revived by a book! his depression fort was named pogtopia! he has always existed just under the threshold of ridiculousness by just how seriously he takes it all, how seriously everyone takes it. 

and c!tommy has always loved the person under the narrative he paints, and that’s why, at the end of it all, he can get through to him. tommy knows the story, he loves parts of it (l’manburg, the family, etc), but he doesn’t love this part, and for once, he gets to choose. he pushes and pushes and says you love me enough to not shy away from this, I am banking on you loving me enough not to push me away again, and he’s completely right! he breaks the cycle by being the same kid he’s always been.

and so wilbur’s end is ridiculous. it’s absurd, but it’s not him killing himself again. it’s not drenched in the belief that everything he made should be destroyed, but full of callbacks and nods to who he was. he never did quite forgive himself, but he’s not looking to the audience for forgiveness anymore, either. 

there are no more looks into the camera, and the book he gives for tommy is for his eyes alone, unlike every other speech like apology we’ve seen so far. he says things that the audience won’t reach. he invites us, one last time, to look upon his works and despair, to tell us that nothing remains. but he is still there, even if there is no story to watch. he is not part of a story anymore. the cameras are cut, and he survived. he is nothing more than himself. 

[neonscandal]

Hi! I have a question, I hope I can explain myself: how would you describe Gojo on a moral level? I see the majority of the fandom (jjk in general, not just the shipping ones) considers him a good person, but I'd argue he's more on the grey side...and not a light grey. See, I can't really wrap my head around the way he blatantly ignores the fact the Suguru was completely fucked up, to the point that in chap 236 he wishes Suguru was with him before fighting Sukuna and imagining him (adult Suguro, the fucked up one) together with the same students he tried to kill in jjk0. How on earth? If I'm not mistaken Gojo never really says "yeah, Suguru was my friend but he used to be completely different, this is not the Suguru I used to be friends with". He never says Suguru was wrong. He just misses him, even though he was surrounded by people who liked him. At least Shoko clearly doesn't feel any affection towards Suguru. And let's not talk about the way he doesn't really seem concerned about the future of his students in chap 236. What do you think? Just to clarify: I do like Gojo. But I don't share the sentiment of the rest of the fandom: he's not a good person. I guess Nanami was right

This is a (somewhat) fair assessment.

Character alignment wise, I think Gojo enters into Jujutsu High as a Chaotic Neutral and transcends into more of a Chaotic Good or maybe Neutral Good? It's hard to say because, if in universe, Gojo is the perceived solution to every problem then why are there still so many problems? Including Geto's 10 year stint running amok?

Morally, Gojo absolutely exists in shades of grey. He uses his power to do the lawful thing but... at the same time, could, on a whim, use his power to do what he or Geto feels to be the right thing. The biggest example being the fact that they were willing to protect Riko Amanai's right to choose whether she wished to merge or not even if the latter would have catastrophic ramifications. Based on the needs of society, Riko needed to merge with Tengen, but Gojo recognized erasure of one girl for the security of others wasn't necessarily right. As an adult, again, he does what needs doing but pushes back on elders that would rather see the likes of Yuta Okkotsu or Yuji Itadori dead.

We have to understand that jujutsu society, with all its rules and hierarchy, isn't a morally upright system to begin with. Gojo, as a Big Three Family heir, is deeply entrenched in that. But he has enough sense to, in his own way, try to correct what he perceives to be travesties.

Suguru Geto is a casualty of this imperfect system and Gojo's initial inability to recognize Geto's struggle was the fatal flaw that put the final nail in his coffin. Discovering the twins was the hand that swung the hammer and he was subsequently radicalized. Gojo wasn't the only person who still kept space for Geto. Nanami and Shoko could also understand that the slaughter of that village was wrong but not find it in their hearts to condemn Geto or hear ill words spoken against him. None of them condemn him because, even if his method was wrong, they understand why he desperately wanted to change the way things are.

Gojo's affection for Geto, in my mind, does not necessarily make him a completely bad person, though. For one, while he doesn't outright condemn what happens in the village, he is clearly dismayed by the murder of Geto's parents. We see that he does in fact understand the wrongness of Geto's transgressions. Bear in mind that, until broken by the system they all served, Geto was a gentle and just person with a noble idea of what was right. So earnestly that Gojo allowed space for Geto to influence his own morality. So this radical change in behavior is a shock to Gojo's system and, even though he was used to deferring to Geto's judgement (like not killing the Time Vessel Association), he very clearly and autonomously recognized Geto's sins. Gojo had an unconditional acceptance or love for Geto which is why, despite everything, he would still find satisfaction in closing the loop, as it were, with Suguru right beside him.

⚠️ Spoiler warning for JJK chapter 236.

The man is dead, what more do you want from him? He knew he was going to die and fought hoping that those who remained could pick up the slack of the weakened opponent. 236 was merely an echo of the same faith he had after he was sealed - that he trusted in the people he left behind. I think Gojo has also come to terms with the fact that all he can do is throw everything he's got at the situation. His failure is unfathomable to most but he's been shown the limits to his power before so perhaps that's why he's overly cavalier. In most situations, he's the first line of defense so if that doesn't cut it... what more can he do?

Bear in mind, what we see of Gojo's afterlife in 236 is more than likely what he hopes for in his heart of hearts. But I'm not really subscribed to the idea that he's Gojover. I could be wrong, especially since Gege Akutami keeps comparing other people to Gojo in his absence to fill in the gaps and explain how they could possibly hope to beat Sukuna. But I think what we saw was an extended version of what Nanami experienced before passing.

You can go left or right - Yuki to Geto about his radical ideals

You can go North to start anew or South to your old self - Mei to Nanami and actualized in his dying moments with an apparition of Haibara

These are choices and the second is as explained to Gojo as if he has the same choice. From his hope that it isn't all in his imagination and the setting therein, it would seem he's leaning toward accepting his fate but I just don't think that's the case. If anything, this prolonged ideation is possible because that brain of his is intact. Gojo even told Toji that he should have cut off his head if he wanted to kill him so, who's to say whether that applies now.

Regarding Nanami being right, I assume you mean the Nanami in chapter 236. In which case:

Hypothesis: The reason we see Gojo surrounded by younger versions of those he lost is because they are attached to the version of himself that died. Gojo will come back as a more enlightened person.

Keep in mind, in a way, Adult Nanami understands Gojo. Every version of Nanami is annoyed by Gojo but there's still a respect that goes both ways, even when their ideals differ. I think Nanami's assessment that "You live for jujutsu. You don't wield it to protect something. You use it solely for the sake of satisfying yourself." is apropos for high school Gojo. But that was before he lost Geto, developed a resolve to take in Megumi and Tsumiki (albeit selfishly), protect Yuta from the elders with his life, and protect Yuji. Empirically, there's a facet of Gojo that uses his power for good and it feels like the versions of Haibara, Nanami, Geto and Yaga that he encounters would be unaware of that. I think that's what makes the fact that Gojo visualizes Adult Geto celebrating him stick out even more. Why the mind games, Gege??

In summation, Gojo continues to exist swathed in shades of grey. He could be better but he could definitely be worse. He is a reflection of a corrupt system that masquerades under the impression of working in service of the greater good but ignores the problematic elements of the likes of Mei Mei, and Naoya Zenin.