#IM SO TIRED OF WATCHING PEOPLE BE VULNERABLE WITH EACH OTHER WHILE IM HERE FIGHTING MYSELF

[system--failure]

FUCK YOU. WHY CAN'T I LOVE ANYTHING PROPERLY. WHY CAN'T I LOVE YOU. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME, I NEED TO KNOW SO I CAN FUCKING FIX IT

[bunny-dr34ms]

'i missed you. i've always missed you.' ˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡

- g. satoru x f!reader

summary. satoru is away on a mission and you realize you can never get your mind off of him whenever he leaves...maybe it's time to do something about that w.c.1668

cw/ tw; fem!reader, satoru is just satoru, angst, confessions, i'm not sure what else ;;;

features; g.satoru, mentions g.suguru, f.megumi, f.toji

an; im having a writing session listening to the soundtrack of riko in the aquarium. it's so bittersweet :( comments, reblogs, and hearts are much appreciated<3

Gojo Satoru is the strongest. This is a fact that's accepted by everyone in the jujutsu world. Week long missions is a day's work for a man like him. He is a man more god than human. He is the strongest. So why? Why is it that you are here on Jujutsu Tech's grounds on a day off? Why are you here worrying thinking doubting him, again? On your walk here, you kept reminding yourself that it's more likely that Satoru would stall on the mission to look for souvenirs and snacks than get a scratch. But even so, you needed to keep reminding yourself that Satoru is the strongest. And it's never enough and you always wind up on the same staircase waiting for him to come back. Gojo Satoru is the strongest but through your eyes he's just Satoru.

Satoru, your good friend from high school. Satoru, who always puts others before himself. Satoru, who has to stabilize the ground and hold up the sky on his own.

Satoru, whose gaze is lonely and lingering when no one is watching.

You wish you could help hold his burden. It must be heavy on his shoulders. With all that strength, he still bears it on mortal shoulders. He still has a human heart and human emotions. Satoru, as godlike as he is, is still human. On days he looks tired, you offer to take a mission but he says the same thing every time. "Aw ya worried or something? Whatcha worrying for? I'm the strongest after all!" And you hate it. You hate it when he says that--though it's more like you hate how the elders use Satoru like a tool. They work him to the bone and they think that's how it's supposed to be. There's always missions for him because ‘other people can't do it as efficiently' or it's tasks impossible for anyone but Satoru. Every time, Satoru takes the mission because he rather himself than another colleague. All that while chasing his dream to rebuild the jujutsu world through education and the new generation.

The thought of it makes you want to storm up to the elders and scream at them because why. Why him? Why just him? Satoru in your eyes is still too human, too mortal, too close to your heart, to be always fighting alone. Maybe you're paranoid after seeing all the signs in Suguru but not doing anything about it. That's what you tell yourself. But really, isn't it a bit much to wait on the stairs in front of his office, feeling around for his presence entering school grounds? For how long will you continue to lie to yourself that feelings will pass and just resorting to silently standing by him?

Ever since you laid eyes on this man--back when he was just a boy--you found your heart racing when he was near. The sound of his voice teasing you made you blush, the way he fights with a cocky grin, and his eyes. Oh, his eyes. They were bright and blue and perfect. No one dared to stare in his eyes for too long but you couldn't stop even if you wanted to. They pulled you in and made you look past his strength to search for his vulnerabilities. There you found that he wanted nothing more than to protect those around him with the strength given to him by the heavens, even at his own expense. Since then, you were only able to love him deeper and then some more. When the catastrophe that was the mission to transport Riko--you didn't like to call her Star Plasma Vessel because she really was so much more than that--you saw how Satoru slowly pushed every one away. He became so much stronger that now he could shoulder the duty of each mission alone. Since then, you saw how Satoru began to take on more and more and more. It started with him taking in the son of the man that sent the mission into absolute chaos--Fushiguro Megumi. The little boy was a striking image of his father and to this day sometimes you see him and see the other, more traumatic Fushiguro. He started taking on new students and new missions and challenging the elders. He did it all in hope that he can nurture a new generation stronger than himself, strong enough to rewrite the jujutsu world. Ever since Suguru left and Shoko isolating to focus on her technique, it was just you and Satoru. How could you resist him when he's now so much more mature in ideals and how his eyes would sparkle when he tells you about the world he's working hard to achieve and how his students are becoming stronger each day to you. You couldn't. "I'll only add to his burden", you say to Shoko when she asks. You'd blush while you shake your head at her but you're genuine. You would hate to add to his worries. "It's okay Shoko. Just being by his side is enough." The sound of the door opening behind you makes you jump and you scramble to your feet to look behind you. Oh. It's Satoru. He has been in his office all this time. He's still in his Jujutsu Tech uniform but his blindfold has been opted out for sunglasses. He closes the door behind him and walks to you, standing so close that you can see his confused expression even in the night. "Y/n? What're you doing here? Don't ya have the day off?" Your eyes are round and blank as you stared at him. What are you supposed to say--I was waiting for you? I happened to pass by? I worried about you? I missed yo- "You missed me didn'tcha." Satoru breaks the silence created by you scurrying in your brain to find the right answer. This was nothing new and actually was a typical Gojo Satoru answer. However. Your thoughts were already swirling in your head. Your heart was already hammering in your chest. He was already grinning while he peered down at you through his sunglasses. You were already way too in love with him to let typical Gojo Satoru teases pass as a joke. Maybe other days your resolve was stronger and you'd roll your eyes and snap at him. Tonight was just too overwhelming for your heart and before you knew it, you were nodding. Your lips parted as you looked up at him with wide eyes that searched for his bright ones. Then softly, you whispered the words Satoru thought he could only dream of hearing.

"I did. I missed you. I've always missed you."

Satoru would be a liar if he said he didn't love you. He's loved you ever since you practically held his hand and rejuvenated him when Suguru first left. He knew it affected you badly too but nevertheless you checked up on him every day and night. He had mental time stamps of each time he pummeled deeper in love.

When you offered to help him take care of Megumi. When you helped him with his first batch of students. When you moved stood in favor for him against the elders. When you cried for him and cheered for him and laughed with him. And he notices when you're waiting for him to come back from each mission. Suddenly, he was so in love with you that he didn't know what to do with himself. He didn't want you to have to carry even the smallest of his burdens and he didn't want you to be targeted. More than anything, he wanted you safe.

But now in this moment he thinks that his strength was given to him for a reason. It's to protect his loved ones right? Won't you be even more protected if you were his? He thinks yes. So his arms are already around you before you could truly process what you said. His body curved over yours as he held you closer to him. The two of you stood there silently save for the breathing and other nighty sounds of the wind. Satoru is..hugging you..right now. He is hugging you right now. Again you're searching for things to say but the words seemed to melt from your brain each time he pulled you closer. His body was warm around yours and even with no apparent danger around, you felt comfortably safe. Your arms found their way around him and you closed your eyes. All the feelings that were suppressed, all the words left unsaid found it's way back to the both of you. Satoru smiles now he's given time to think. You must've been waiting for him to come back from the mission. You thought he'd come back late at night so you didn't know he's been back and in his office since 3 hours before you arrived. You were worried about him and the thought alone warms his heart. He thinks you're adorable and so lovely. The cuteness aggression overtakes him and you're suddenly in the air as he pulls you up into a tight hug. "Wait- Satoru!?" You squeal as he squeezes you again tightly before setting you down next to him. Satoru thinks you're beautiful like this with a blush across your cheeks and the moonlight gracing your skin. He bends down and his sunglasses slide down his nose. Your eyes meet his your breath hitches. They're so different from just watching from afar but they're still so pretty. He notices your intense stare and smirks. In turn, you see his cocky smile and you pout a little. Was he going to make fun of you now? It'd be so Satoru if he did. To your surprise, he leans forward and kisses you. It was a short and sweet kiss and you were barely given the time to return it. When he pulls away, he tucks your hair behind your ears and smiles again. It's soft and gentle. The wind lulls into a soft breeze and the cicadas quiet down for this moment. Satoru breathes out words you didn't know you were holding your breath for. "I missed you too."

[baroquebucky]

one and only

a/n: hi guys !! this one shot is inspired by this song by cuco ! I hope u all enjoy,, I went overboard again,, pls tell me what u think :] lyrics are in bold !

in which bucky slowly but surely falls for you

word count: 1.9k

masterlist

I hope that you wanna get to know me

Bucky smiled at you from across the coffee shop, both of you stealing glances at each other for the past hour. Finally mustering up some courage and walking to your booth.

"hi" he had breathed out, a smile on his face as you looked at him with wide eyes, a smile quickly breaking across your face.

"hi" you smiled, extending your hand out for him to shake, "y/n."

Bucky shook your hand quickly, pink dusting his cheeks, "I'm bucky."

"do you wanna sit? I can move some stuff so you have some room" you spoke quickly, fumbling as you moved all your homework and notebooks to the side, stacking them on top of each other.

Bucky slid into the booth with a soft smile, quickly striking up a conversation, flirting with you the whole time.

"I have to go soon" you frowned, putting all your stuff away as bucky got up from the booth. He held a hand out, helping you up and paying for both of your drinks and snacks.

"I had a really nice time" bucky flashed you a smile, your ears heating up.

"I- uh yeah I did too" you replied, looking at your feet as the two of you walked out of the coffee shop.

The two of you exchanged numbers, a bashful grin on both of your faces as you parted ways.

"text me when you get home" you had told him out of habit, blushing when you realized you had only met him today.

"I mean you don't have to" you added, fumbling with the string on your backpack.

"only if you do the same" he replied, a smirk on his face as your mouth formed an 'o' shape.

Bucky had texted you first, making your heart flutter. exchanging a few texts that night, bucky decided to get real brave.

I hope we can hang out again soon :)

And sure enough you did, meeting up at his favorite coffee shop only three days later. Getting to know each others interests.

As time passed you and bucky became closer, getting lunch together, texting each other often, having late phone calls almost everyday.

baby hit me up if you get lonely

You and bucky never really opened up to each other, even after one month of your little coffee and lunch dates. And so there you were, staring at your bedroom ceiling with an empty heart, dried tears on your face.

Your phone vibrated next to you, lighting up the room. You let it ring, not having enough energy to pick it up.

Bucky grew worried, you never just left him hanging like that, you always replied with why you didnt pick up within minutes. It had been an hour already.

everything okay ?

your phone buzzed and you looked over, seeing his missed call and texts. Sighing you replied, not wanting to bother him.

yea, just tired

Bucky frowned, his stomach twisting as he read your reply. Thinking for a moment before he texted you once again.

im here if you need me or need anything

Your bottom lip quivered, fresh tears streaming down your face.

do you think you can come over

your heart was heavy, you were stressed, tired and you wanted someone to tell you it was gonna be okay, instead you were alone in the dark, in an empty apartment with only the sounds of the city keeping you company.

on my way

Bucky was sweet. Bucky was caring and he was everything good in the world. Listening to you as you cried, dumping all your worries out into the air, rubbing your back and handing you tissues, getting you water.

He listened, he reassured you and he helped you through it, never being pushy and always reminding you that you were strong enough to get through it.

"and if im not?" you had whispered, looking at the floor with teary eyes.

"then im here to fight for you."

I know im not confused, my feelings here are true

Bucky opened up to you a few nights later, after ignoring your texts all day you showed up at his apartment, snacks in one hand and coffee in the other.

You listened to him vent, letting out all he had bottled up, all his guilt, his regret, his pain, everything.

You didnt judge him, you just got up, sat closer to him and hugged him, holding him tightly. Bucky relaxed in your arms, burying his face in your shoulder and letting himself cry, allowing himself to be vulnerable for once.

You woke up in each others arms the next morning, blushing when you both realized.

Bucky was red, you were about to start sweating, telling him you were gonna head home and would text him when you arrived.

After that he found himself more nervous around you, butterflies when he saw you. For the first time in decades he found himself styling his hair more and putting effort into his outfits.

on gloomy days like these wishing you were next to me

You sat on your couch alone, rain hitting your window steadily. You sent a text to bucky, asking him when he would be back from a mission he got dragged along. He replied quicker than you expected, your heart beating a little faster.

just a couple more days :)

okay hurry back safe I miss u :/

Bucky choked on his own spit at your text, Sam looking at him as if he was insane. Bucky ignored him, replying to your message

I miss you too dollface

You read the text over, squealing and jumping around at the pet name, face hot and stomach fluttering.

when im feeling puzzled, you put me back together

Bucky frowned, barely listening to you explaining a documentary you watched the other day.

"buck?" you asked, setting down your phone and looking at the super soldier, worry in your eyes.

"sorry I- what about the jungle?" he questioned, trying to push away his thoughts.

"talk to me James" you pleaded, hands moving to hold his own.

A few moments passed, quiet as bucky gathered his thoughts, tears welling in his eyes before he blinked them away and began talking.

"what if a part of him is still there? what if im not who Steve thought I was? what if im not what people want me to be?" bucky looked at you, teary eyed and broken.

"you're free bucky" you told him, scooting closer to him and he nodded.

"Steve would be proud of you, I mean look at you, you have a furnished apartment, you have friends, you're working with sam, you're building your life" you spoke, smiling at him.

"you shouldn't care what others want you to be, be who you want to be. Be who you are now" you squeezed his hands, letting him gather his thought as you stopped talking.

"am I good?" he mumbled, a small frown on his face.

"you are" you replied without hesitation.

"you like me as who I am now?" you nodded.

"me too" he smiled, leaning his head on your shoulder, your fingers brushing through his hair.

I wanna be your one and only

Bucky finally introduced you to sam, you were excited, having heard so much about him.

"what if he hates me" you worried, stopping in your tracks as you paced buckys living room.

"he'll love you doll" bucky reassured you, a knock at the door making your heart thump in your ribcage as you waited for bucky to open it.

And love you Sam did, talking your ear off and chatting with you all night. You struggled to catch your breath between his jokes, stomach hurting as he continued.

bucky hated it. only he had made you laugh that hard, the crinkles by your eyes were reserved for him and his bad jokes. bucky got up quietly and went to grab a cup of water, sam quickly excusing himself and following him into his kitchen.

"you are down bad" sam laughed and bucky rolled his eyes at him, gulping down his water, setting the cup down, eyes softening as he saw you on his couch, replying to some texts.

"you should ask her out soon, or else I will" sam teased, knowing it would push the super soldiers button.

"sam is actually leaving right now!" bucky smiled, sam rolled his eyes before playing along.

"aw, it was just getting good" you smiled, getting up and going to give sam a hug, wishing him a good night before he left.

You and bucky sat on the couch, the sounds from the movie filling the room.

"green isn't your color" you smirked, bucks eyes went wide.

"what?" he questioned, heart racing.

"cmon im not stupid, you were cranky the whole time sam was cracking jokes" you shrugged your shoulders, eyeing bucky.

Bucky was quiet, Sams words ringing in his ears.

"I like you y/n and I've liked you for a while and I-" he stopped himself, not wanting to say something he would regret. You let him think, heartbeat ringing in your ears as his confession rattled around in your brain.

"I want to be the one making you laugh, I want to spend rainy days with you and I want to go to the park with you on sunny days" bucky spoke, looking at you.

"I wanna be your one and only" bucky ended, eyes searching your face as he finished, worried about what you were thinking.

You had the biggest smile on your face, fidgeting with your fingers. Looking up your eyes met his blue ones, stomach in knots and heart skipping a beat.

"ask me then" you stated, never breaking eye contact.

"will you be mine y/n?" he spoke, voice trembling, he fidgeted with his fingers.

"of course" you replied, crashing your lips onto his, smiling into the kiss, breaking out into giggles when he pulled away and peppered kisses all over your face.

and if never is forever, then lets always be together

Sam pat bucky on the back, giving him a reassuring smile.

"Steve would be so happy for you" he whispered to him, a smile breaking onto his face, nodding to sam and looking up.

The whole team was there, sam standing behind him as his best man, your family with bright faces as the music began and everyone looked back.

The doors opened and it felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. His mouth fell open at the sight of you. His cheeks hurt from smiling so hard but he didn't care, tears falling from his face as you smiled brightly at him.

You spent the whole ceremony the same way you had met. Stealing glances at each other and blushing deeply when you caught each other, holding back giggles and brushing it off as clearing your throat.

You were marrying the light of your life, the person who was there for you when you couldn't see the light, the one who always supported you and fought for you when you couldn't. Helping you grow into the person you wanted to become.

He was marrying the light of his life, the person who was his sun during his worst times, shining brightly for him and picking him up when he was upset. Helping him become the person he was meant to be.

[chefrat]

Liar, Liar, Pants on fire

pairings: Cheater!Oikawa X Reader, Iwaizumi X Reader

type: im not sure, first date??

word-count: 3.9k

warnings: cursing, mentions of cheating

A/N: I haven't been sleeping well so I’m reeeaaallly tired but here's something thats really bad written but I felt like I should post to not lose the habit so yea :////// I hope its ok, I could of definitely ended it better and maybe I’ll rewrite it one day but I just felt like finishing it in one night when while I’m my worst. Stuff at home have also not been at all pretty, lots of arguing that have nothing to do with me. oh im so tired :((( I really wish it was easy to sleep 

______________

You weren’t sure of what you were going to say or even do but the way Oikawa’s eyes widened and the way his hand pushed her off was enough to let you know he was being unfaithful. But your decision had been final on leaving him weeks ago. One might think you were jumping to conclusions but when you noticed them walking together, hand in hand for the last couple of minutes it was enough to let you know what was going on. Not only that but not only were they giggling to each other, sharing loving pecks but just the way the both were standing so close told so much about their relationship. Iwaizumi was also kind enough to let you know a while ago, he knew telling you would be like betraying his best friend but he couldn’t hold back knowing that it was all wrong. To be honest, you couldn’t help but feel relief about the cheating taking Iwaizumi by surprise. You were thinking of ways to lay it on Oikawa, trying to figure out ways to end things with the setter but none of it ever felt right. 

“How long has he been… you know?” Iwaizumi sighed, shifting on the bench you both shared. 

“I don’t know. I figured it out just a week ago, thought I’d tell you before it could go any longer.” He looked over at you, it was obvious he cared about you. He has always cared about you, thats what friends do. Care for each other. Though, some people could say he cared a little bit too much. 

“Thank you…it’s ok. I’ll talk to him, stuff happens.” You shrugged your shoulders but Iwaizumi sat in silence, waiting. He was waiting to comfort you if you cried, or even hold you if all you needed was just a hug. That’s how he always received you, with open arms and a shoulder to cry on. 

“Why aren’t you upset? Don’t tell me you’re going to forgive that shit for brains boyfriend of yours. Please, You deserve way better.” His hand went to grab yours and you let his warmth come in contact with your own freezing hand. Iwaizumi’s grip on your hand never easing, begging you with his touch to not go back to his best friend.

“God, no. It’s just… you know how sometimes you lose feelings for someone and you can’t really explain it. Don’t get me wrong, sure it hurts and I still care deeply for him but romantically. Romantically my feelings changed, Iwa.” 

“It’s not what it looks like.” Oikawa grinned, trying to save face, he took long strides towards you. You frowned, shaking your head at him making him stop on his tracks. “I know what it is. Just don’t make a scene, please. We can talk later.” He was confused, maybe even a little mad that you had asked him to not make a scene. He could only watch you walk away as his other girlfriend stood a few feet away, waiting until the coast was clear. The way she grabbed onto his arm to take his attention away made his stomach twist. Oikawa couldn’t help but feel sick, the wave of nausea hitting him harder and harder each step you took away from him. “I’m gonna go home, I’ll call you later.” She looked at him confused, not wanting to leave him just yet. Especially not now when he’s feeling so vulnerable after seeing you. 

- 

It had been a week after Oikawa had been caught with his second girlfriend by you and just a few days after having a talk with him. The both of you were mature about it, talking through your problems and even forgiving him but breaking up in the process. You still shared the same friends, the same class, and the same best friend. Iwaizumi thanked you mentally for not  saying anything to Oikawa about him coming to you and letting you know about his unfaithfulness. The three of you still tried to at least save the friendship, even if it felt pretty awkward to Oikawa. He couldn’t help but just feel like there was something wrong, the way you dismissed it all, it almost felt like you were eager to break up with him. Eager to get away from him so fast. 

Your laugh took him out of his train of thoughts, he looked over to you sitting next to a sweating Iwaizumi. His own sweat rolled down his back. You would always stay back during their practice, thats how close the three of you were.

Lately it seemed like you were only close to one of them though. He couldn’t blame you, he practically ruined all sorts of relationships with you. Even his own friend had way more courage to call him out on his bullshit. The way you reacted towards the cheating, it just didn’t make him feel good. At all. Was he being an asshole if he expected you to at least cry, maybe yell at him or even try to argue? ‘Just don’t make a scene, please’ maybe he did want to make a scene. He couldn’t do that to you, right? Unfortunately, word got out own how the relationship ended and it was already enough humiliation for the both of you. Making a scene would just make it all types of worse. 

Oikawa made it towards where the both of you sat, his cocky grin on display. It faltered once he took in the conversation between his best friend and ex-girlfriend. “I’ll walk you home then.” Iwaizumi said, pinching the skin on your elbow making you swat his hand away with a giggle. Walking home was usually Oikawa’s doing, especially while he was your boyfriend. So why now were you asking Iwaizumi, or did he offer? 

The conversation died down once he took his seat next to his best friend without saying a word. It almost felt like you guys were purposely excluding him from your guys conversation or even keeping secrets with each other. He couldn’t help but feel paranoid by the way you both acted alone and around him. Even though he had no right to feel jealous, he just couldn’t help himself. 

“You’re walking her home? I thought we were going to hangout after practice.” Oikawa frowned towards his friend, making him tense in his seat. “Sorry, it just gets really dark nowadays. I can’t have her walking home alone.” 

He smiled, letting his own personal feelings get the best of him. “I’ll come with you guys then!” 

And it went on like that for a while. Always including himself and sometimes even receiving annoyed looks from his own best friend. Oikawa wasn’t dumb, he knew there was at least a little something happening with the both of you but he was in no place to say anything. Or at least thats how Iwaizumi thought of it. Trying to get close to your best friends ex-girlfriend sounds horrible but when he cheats on her, it cancels out the horribleness of it, right? The only way Iwaizumi could get closer to you without Oikawa butting in was with late night talks. It was something the both of you looked forward to. Sometimes he’d be way too tired to keep up conversation but he would fight through it for you.  

“So, what do you say? Do you want to?” Iwaizumi asked, laying on his back. He held his phone up to his ear while he used his other hand to rub his neck, massaging out a sore area from practice. 

You giggled nervously, laying on your back as well on your bed and staring up at your ceiling. Your heart thumping against your ribcage almost as if it would jump out. He made you nervous, but a good nervous. The type of feelings you once had for Oikawa, but a little more stronger, and a whole lot more honest. “I’d love to.” 

It sounded as if something fell through the phone, probably something he had hanging up that didn’t hold on anymore but instead it was a very excited Iwaizumi who had rushed off of their bed, and accidentally kicking his nightstand sending his clock flying off in the process. He hissed at the pain he felt on his foot but also silently cheered hearing you agree to his date for the upcoming weekend. “Are you okay?” You giggled again making him blush. “Yea, sorry. I just got a little too excited.” Again with the butterflies, you smiled. 

“Be careful, I want you in one piece for when we finally go out.” He blushed even harder at your words, you really did have a strong affect on him. Iwaizumi’s phone started to vibrate from an incoming call, he pulled his phone from his ear and mumbling a quick ‘give me a second’ to you as he went to go check the caller id. 

He frowned, Oikawa. 

“Can I call you back? Oikawa’s calling me right now…” The brunette could hear you sigh. Oikawa seemed to have a sixth sense for whenever Iwaizumi tried to spend some time with you alone, even through a phone call.  

“Ok, be safe and goodni-“ 

“No, I changed my mind. He can wait, I rather talk to you.” Iwaizumi said, cutting you off. If only he could see you now, a smile on your face and blushing. The conversation continued on even when Oikawa wouldn’t quit on calling but all Iwaizumi could do was send him to voicemail. Six times to voicemail and he still couldn’t get the hint that he was busy. But he was too focused on you to care about what Oikawa was so desperate to talk to him about. 

He couldn’t help but feel happy whenever you would talk about your day even though he had mostly spent half of it with you. Even more happy when you kept reminding him about the date and trying your best to get information out of him on where he was going to take you. You felt warmth in your chest when you got to hear him stammer with his own words whenever you knew you made him nervous with your questions. 

“Is he still calling you? Maybe you should answer him.” It could have been an emergency or maybe it was just him being annoying Iwaizumi thought, but he knew he should at least see what was wrong. 

“Yea, I will. I’m sorry, I’ll see you tomorrow?” He sighed, still not ready to let go of the lovely conversation the both of you were having. 

“Yes. Goodnight, I hope you sleep well. ” You gave him a final giggle before ending the call making his heart thump just a little harder. 

Iwaizumi slumped on his bed with a groan, dialing Oikawa to check up on him. It didn’t take long for him to pick up, two rings and he could already hear the sigh of relief leave his best friend. “Iwaaa~, you had me so worried. What was so important that kept you away from me for so long? Hmm?” He couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty, he could’ve of at least sent him a message about how he wouldn’t be able to answer the phone for a while. Or was the guilt from spending the last two or so hours talking to his best friends ex-girlfriend and asking her on a date. 

“Sorry, got caught up with something. What’s up?” He looked over to his nightstand to check the time on his clock but soon realized it was on the floor. The memory coming back and making him smile. 

“Oh nothing, I was just wondering…you wouldn’t lie to me right?” And the pleasure was over, he tensed hearing the question but why? It’s not as if you were cheating on Oikawa when in reality it was him who did the cheating. 

“Of course not. What are you thinking so much about thats got you asking stuff like that?” Oikawa sighed, biting his lip and staring off to his ceiling. 

“Does she ever say anything about me? I know the both of you are close so I’m just wondering. She wasn’t even crying when she saw me with (gf name), do you know what she told me that night? ‘don’t make a scene’. Can you believe that?” Iwaizumi furrowed his brows, bothered by the way his friend was acting so childishly. Why was he so determined to see you hurt, was he that desperate to make you cry? 

“Oikawa, just drop it. You cheated, you’re the bad guy in this situation and you still ended up with the girl you cheated on your own girlfriend with! Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe the reason why she wasn’t so hurt by it was because she was already over you?” Seconds passed of pure silence. The only thing Iwaizumi could hear was his friends steady breathing. His brow twitched anxiously, awaiting for an answer. “Did she tell you that?” He rolled his eyes, gripping his phone. 

“She didn’t have to.” He mumbled making him receive a scoff from Oikawa. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Oikawa grumbled, annoyed at his unsupportive friend but again, he was just asking for too much from him.  

“It means that you should really be thankful that she values your friendship that she overlooked you cheating on her and that you should really just drop it. Please.” Silence again. He reached over towards where his clock was at on the ground, picking it up and placing it back on his nightstand. “I guess you’re right. I just can’t help but wonder. She was my girlfriend for a while, the least she could do is cry a little.” 

“Why are you such a dick?” Oikawa choked on his spit, getting caught off guard by the question. 

“Excuse me? Iwa, where’s this behavior coming from… did she actually cry? Like only with you?” Iwaizumi huffed in annoyance, the red button tempting him to end the call. 

“I don’t know, I’m just really tired from practice. See you tomorrow, k?” 

“But Iwa-“ And with that he ended the call, readying himself for bed and to face Oikawa tomorrow. But he smiled, thinking about how he was going to see you too. The way you were able to flip his whole mood and instantly put a smile on him, he really did like you. Iwaizumi looked down to his vibrating phone, it was Oikawa again. The guilt came back, it wasn’t for hanging up on him but more on always crushing on his best friends ex girlfriend.

Oikawa groaned into his pillow, frustrated and feeling as if both of his closest friends were shutting him. He didn’t know who else to go to or ask. You weren’t exactly friends with anyone, you kept your circle small and usually never vented to anyone but Iwaizumi. The vibration he felt on his bed made him snatch his phone with an unexplainable speed, hoping it was you or even Iwa with some answers. Instead it was his girlfriend wishing him a goodnight but Oikawa didn’t even bother to read the whole message. 

-

It was Sunday and Iwaizumi was still in the shower after getting in just about an hour ago. The date wouldn’t be until later in the evening and it was only morning but his anxiety ended up getting to him. Urging him to start getting ready at such early hours. You couldn’t help but do the same thing, thrashing your room and scattering clothes everywhere that you pulled from your closet while trying to find the best outfit for Iwaizumi. 

He could hear his phone buzzing again making him pull the curtain back slightly to check the caller id. It was Oikawa again but too bad Iwaizumi was too busy scrubbing his body clean for the fifth time. Anyways, it was Sunday and just around eleven in the morning, he would understand if Iwaizumi just said he slept in and missed his calls. But the buzzing wouldn’t stop, Iwa grumbled while turning the water off and hearing his own mom knocking on the door, asking him if he was okay. 

Iwa was quick to dry himself, he sat on his bed watching the clock on his nightstand. Why was time going by so slow? Normally he was a patient man but he was just way too eager to hangout with you. He’d do anything to make time speed up just a little. For you, you wished you had gotten up earlier. You still couldn’t decide on what to wear, your room a whole mess and you still hadn’t showered. Until when you finally decided on something simple, nothing that wasn’t too much nor too relaxed. But you couldn’t help but frown, Iwa never gave you a hint on where he was going to take you or even told you if it was going to be cold or not. With a groan, you neatly folded your outfit and put it on a spot on your bed before practically running to the bathroom to shower even though you still had over five hours to get ready. 

He slowly dressed to be able to pass some time starting with his socks, and so on with a pair of fresh gym shorts and black t-shirt. Iwa decided on wearing casual clothing and not his chosen outfit until it was time for him to go so there wouldn’t be a way for him to get it dirty in away way and ruin it. Glancing at the clock, he laid on his bed. It was just around noon, almost hitting one. With a sigh, he picked up his phone and scrolling through his socials to pass time. He turned on his tv and let it run as background noise to keep him at least a bit distracted. Not before putting an alarm for an hour before walking to your house so he could properly get dressed.

You huffed trying to get your eyeliner done, even just the minimum to at least show him that you were trying. With a steady hand you were able to complete the left eye. Smiling, you looked at yourself in the mirror. ‘Ok, I think it looks okay-ish enough’ you though to yourself, looking down to your phone and seeing the time being four, almost time for your date with Iwaizumi. The pink chapstick stained your lips just a tad bit while it worked as a hydrator as well, just a little something you wanted to add. Your phone vibrated with a notification, it was Iwaizumi. You couldn’t help the smile that the name on the screen brought to your face. The tip of your finger swiped the notification and reading it to yourself out loud. “Hi, If you're by any chance ready would it be ok to go pick you up now? No pressure xx.” You weren’t the only one eager, it helped you feel more at ease. Your fingers typing up a response were unfortunately interrupted from another message notification, this time from Oikawa but you simply ignored it, not even bothering to read what he had to say, much more focused on going on your first date with Iwaizumi. 

Hearing you giggle made Iwaizumi’s cheeks tint to a shade of light pink, he was outside your door and holding a bouquet of flowers that unintentionally matched with your outfit. It was simply pure kismet. “Are those for me?” He couldn’t ignore the sparkling look in your eyes when you asked so he just smiled, handing them to you. “Pretty flowers for a pretty girl.” It was now your turn for your cheeks to flush at his compliment. You happily accepted them, excusing yourself for a minute to place them in an empty vase and then returning to him, closing the door behind you in the process. 

The both of you walked hand in hand toward a small coffee shop that the both of you were familiar with. “I still have somewhere else I wanna take you, not just for coffee.” He said with a smile and a squeeze to your hand. 

“Ohh where else then?” You pressed, trying to get it out him. 

“It’s a surprise, don’t worry about it.” Iwa looked over to you the smile still standing proudly on his face. Just happy to be with you after so long. 

-

You couldn’t help but smile, finally seeing to where he was taking you. It was the most recent restaurant that had opened up in your area, he was taking you out to dinner. Perfect timing as well, you did start to feel a little hungry after the small cup of coffee you had just about an hour ago. “I know it’s not much but I know how much you like Italian and well-“ You quickly cut him off with a kiss on the cheek making him look down at you in surprise. He felt the warmth in his chest start up again, you were just too cute. 

“Going anywhere to eat with you is already a perfect date, but the Italian food is for sure a plus.” Still having his hand in yours, you made sure to keep walking even while he still was a little shocked from the peck on the cheek. You giggled, pulling him closer to you by the hand. “What? Want another one?” Iwaizumi only nodded but this time taking charge as he gently placed his free hand on your cheek and pressing a soft kiss to your lips. He couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face, contagious enough to cause you to smile too. You teasingly let your wet tongue swipe against his bottom lip making him pull away with a furious blush. 

“Easy now.” Iwa mumbled, readjusting his posture and scanning the not-so-busy street to see if any creep had been lingering for too long. Just something to distract him from his first kiss with you because he was sure that he wouldn’t be able to hold back on the kissing if you tried the tongue trick again.

You laughed at his words but continued on into the restaurant. A very warm atmosphere came over the both of you, you really did enjoy his company. He made you happy, the way he holds your hand and the way he would look into your eye. It was definitely worth it to wait for the weekend. Iwaizumi thought so too, he would make it his personal goal to show just how much he cared about you and to do way better than Oikawa ever could. Even though that was his closest friend, he still could not let it slide on how trashy he was for being a cheater. The both of you were greeted by a wonderful waiter, following quickly behind them to the table nearest to a corner, somewhere more secluded but not so much. 

Dinner passed by fast but neither of you could bring up what the both of you were dreading, the end of the date. Instead you kept him distracted with memories you shared with him from school, making him smile every time you would get way into detail. He loved hearing you talk about certain memories you had of him, things he had kept to himself thinking that no one would remember and that surprised him when you had a perfect memory. The guilty feeling in him slowly dying out with every little conversation you had with him. But it soon returned when he received a message notification from Oikawa. 

‘How’s the date with (Y/n)? I thought you said you wouldn’t lie to me, Iwa…”

(not edited)

[yo-im-a-bisexual]

I saw a few people say that they wanted fatou to be the one to go see Kieu my to confort her, so this is it. Enjoy :)

(english isn't my first language so sorry for any mistakes)

Sunday, 18:05, Kieu my's apartment

She was a wreck. Kieu my had tried distracting herself as much as she could today but nothing seemed to work and when she saw Nora's stories she couldn't handle being alone anymore. She had texted Zoe about five (5) minutes ago and was now waiting in her room, on her bed, while watching Fatou's instagram stories over and over and over again. She was full on crying in her pyjamas and she knew it probably wasn't healthy to stalk her ex but she couln't help it. At least she looks happy, she thought.

----------------------------------------------

Sunday, 18:00, fatou's house

Laughs filled fatou's room. The cashqueens had moved to the skater's room after they had finished cleaning up the kitchen. They were talking about Ava's birthday that was coming up and how they were going to throw the biggest, most covid-friendly, party ever.

"honestly, I just want to spend time with you girls." Ava said, smiling and looking at her friends.

"well, maybe we could do something like friendsgiving, you know with friends only and a cozy little vibe" Nora offered, looking at the cashqueens with raised eyebrows.

The memories of that time came flooding in Fatou's mind. How she was so ready to confess her feelings to the girl, how she had ended up crying and yelling 'Love is a fucking asshole' with her friends. She had tried not thinking about Kieu my but to no avail. She seemed to be everywhere, in every topic, in every memory. Her heart ached at the thoughts. So she quickly tried to focus on the conversation happening instead of her ex, who seemed to be clearly over her.

"yeah it could be fun." Mailin said looking at Ava for approval. "What do you think Fatou?" She asked

"A birthday party with my best friends? On a friday night? Hell yeah I'm in." Fatou said laughing. "And maybe we could do a jamming session or a karaoke sort of thing" The cashqueens nodded at her idea and they went on with their conversation.

A phone rang, cutting them off. "Sorry girls, it's Zoe. I'll be right back" Nora said standing up and heading towards the door but the second she's out she walks back in, phone still in hand. She looks at Fatou. "She wants to talk yo you." Nora said, handing her the phone. Fatou looked at her amused but took the phone and walked out of the room.

"Zoe?" She said holding the phone to her ear.

"Fatou, hi. I'm sorry to bother you but I'm in a crisis and you're the only that can save me." Zoe said at the other end. Fatou hesitated for awhile.

"I'd be happy to help... With whatever you're in a crisis with" she answered still confused.

"it's more of a who..."

"what are you talking about, Zoe?"

"look, Im gonna be as honest as possible without being mean but.." she stopped talking for a second.

"just get to the point please."

"okay fine, you and Kieu my are idiots and I'm tired of you idiots not talking about your problems, like some silly idiots in love." Zoe got out in one (1) breath.

"I'm not an idiot" Fatou said. "And you were there, Kieu my clearly said I should stay away." Just saying her name hurt at this point.

"oh, Fatou.. She is hurting and in her mind it's easier to push you away than to actually talk to you again. She's scared of getting hurt more."

The silence was awkward but she didn't know what to say. So what does this mean? She thought.

"it means that right now she's a wreck and she asked me to come over but I'm done waiting for you two to figure it out because it is infuriating at this point." Zoe answered almost out of breath. Shit I said that out loud.

"I don't get it what do you want me to do? And why do you sound so exhausted?" She asked still not understanding anything that the blond was trying to say.

"because I'm coming over to your place to pick you up so that I can drag your ass to Kieu my's"

"what?! No Zoe I really don't think that's a good idea okay, last time I tried to talk to her I-" Fatou got cut off.

"Fatou listen to me. Kieu my vu is a mess and she's trying really hard to play it cool but she can't right now. She's been stalking you on insta for days, it's embarrassing. I know you guys had a huge fight at the party but that was stupid and I'm deciding to ignore it. You two need to talk and make up. She didn't cheat on you and you know it. She was hurt and so were you. The point is you're both in love with each other and everybody knows it except the two of you!" Zoe yelled out loud enough for Fatou to pull away from the phone. Her words were sinking in. Zoe was Kieu my's best friend, she had no reason to lie.

"okay." Fatou answered.

"okay?"

"I'm gonna go see her and tell her everything"

"great, you do that. I'll be there in five. Byee!" Zoe hung up. Fatou was breathless, her mind was in shambles at the thought that she could fix this. Zoe said Kieu my was in love with her... Wow. She knew she was in love with Kieu my but the idea that her feelings were reciprocated made her heart skip a beat.

She walked back to her room and opened the door, ready to tell her friends she was going to go get her girl but the moment she opened it the three girls stumbled back from it. Like they were listening in at the conversation, which they were. Fatou looked at her friends and locked eyes with Ava.

"we might have been listening a little bit." She heard Mailin say. The question was hanging in the air, Fatou was just waiting for the answer.

"go get her, chibi" Her best friend said, smiling fondly at her.

"really?" Fatou smiled brightly.

"YESSS!" The cashqueens said excitedly.

And so they waited for Zoe. She got to Fatou's pretty fast and they shared their goodbyes with the cashqueens. They got in Zoe's car and drove for about 10 minutes. The drive was pretty silent, only filled with small talk. Zoe was a really good friend, Fatou had noticed over time, How the girl had become more mature.

She was stressed to say the least. Rehearsing what she was going to say in her head over and over again. What if Kieu my pushed her away again? But the thoughts were pushed back. She was going to say everything she had to say and nothing was going to stop her even if she has to get her heart broken again.

The car stopped and Zoe cleared her throat. Fatou looked at the building and swallowed the lump in her throat. It seemed so much taller than last time.

"ready?" The blonde broke the silence.

"as i'll ever be" she answered.

They took the elevator. Zoe walked with her to the door and hugged her goodbye once they reached it. She said something along the lines of 'goodluck' but right now Fatou could only focus on the pounding of her heart.

She rang the doorbell and waited. She looked at the door intensely as if it would open faster. There were some noises coming from inside and then the door opened and there she was..

"Zoe thank god you're here, I can't..." Kieu my looked up from the ground and stopped dead in her tracks. She had been crying, Fatou could tell from her red eyes. Her hair was down and she was wearing confortable baggy clothes.

"Hi.." Fatou said smiling lightly, Looking at her and rocking on her heels.

"Fatou...hey" Kieu my's voice was small. She looked small and Fatou could see her eyes shining slightly. This was the real Kieu my, vulnerable and fragile Kieu my. But as soon as she appeared she was gone and her walls were back up. "What do you want?" Kieu my asked, her voice cracking a little a little bit.

"your soul~" Fatou answered, laughing quietly. Kieu my didn't look amused though. "To talk" she said more seriously.

"I- I thought I told you to stay away.. where's Zoe?" The ice queen's walls were cracking and her eyes looked everywhere but at Fatou.

"she drove me here" Fatou was still looking at Kieu my intensely hoping that she would catch her eyes.

"what do you want to talk about?"

"Us..." Fatou said and Kieu my opened her mouth as if to say something but Fatou continued. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for running away from my problems. I'm sorry for not talking to you but I want to, I really want to. I'm sorry for making you feel like you're just a distraction and like I don't care because I do care. So much.. about you, I mean. And I'm sorry for doubting you and I understand if I lost your trust but I'm ready to try everyday from now on to win it back. But most importantly I'm sorry for what I said. Because Kieu my, YOU are my world. And I miss you. And I get it if you don't want to be with me anymore but I just wanted you to know that I haven't given up on us and I won't, because I-" her heart skipped a few beats. Fatou took a deep breath in.

"I love you, Kieu my." She breathed out.

She was crying now and so was Kieu my. A few beats passed and Fatou was about to continue her heartfelt speech but Kieu my stopped her. She had been looking at Fatou like she had just been starstruck but now she was getting closer.

She placed a hand on Fatou's cheek and kissed her. Fatou let out a breath she knew she had been holding since the elevator door had opened. They both relax into the brief kiss andwhen they pull away they rest their forehead together. When Fatou opens her eyes, Kieu my is already looking at her. She wipes her tears aways with her thumb.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry." Fatou said after a moment of silence.

"stop apologizing, please" Kieu my laughed lightly. They were both smiling now. "You love me?" Kieu my asked, looking insecurely at Fatou.

"I love you and I'm never gonna stop saying it"

They giggled, feeling lost in the moment. Kieu my kissed her again, this time more firmly. They finally walked in the apartment still attached by their lips. The kiss quickly turned into more and Kieu my pushed Fatou against the door to close it behind them. Kieu my's hands were around the smaller girl's neck while hers were on Kieu my's waist.

After several minutes of just kissing to make up for their days apart they finally pulled away to catch their breath.

Kieu my looked at Fatou lovingly. "I'm sorry too... I shouldn't have ran away. And I'm sorry for being so cold to you."

"okay, can we both stop apologizing now." The small girl laughed. "And Kieu my?"

"yeah?"

Fatou took a step back and took the tall girl's hands. "Will you be my girlfriend?" She asked with her puppy eyes on full display.

"of course Fatou" they laughed and kieu my reached for Fatou and hugged her.

They hugged for a while. Living in the moment. Together

----------------------------------------------

Sunday, 19:37

Somehow they ended up in Kieu my's bed, cuddling. Kieu my was laying on Fatou's chest and played with her girlfriend's fingers. Fatou was telling her about how Ava and her had made up and how she found out she had dyscalculia.

"...And now I have to go ask if I can change from physics to biology."

"that could work. And then you'd just have to work for math and you'll be good to have your abi with us. That's great." Kieu my said, excited.

"yeah, the girls thought that too."

The silence was peaceful. Fatou looked down and smiled at her girlfriend. Kieu my was looking at her like she was looking at her whole entire world.

"what are you thinking about?" Fatou asked wiggling her eyebrows.

"I love you too, Fatou jallow."

Fatou flipped her girlfriend on her back and kissed her then and there.

"i love you" she kissed her again. "I love you" she kissed her nose and her forehead and her cheeks and anywhere on her face she could, and between every kiss she told her she loved her.

"stop!" Kieu my giggled when Fatou tickled her sides still kissind her face. She slowed down and looked at Kieu my lovingly. "What?"

"happy Valentine's day"

"happy Valentine's day indeed" Kieu my shot up to kiss her again.

The kisses were slow and Fatou made her way down to Kieu my's neck. She sucked on her neck like she had done the first time they had spent time together in her bed, leaving a small red mark there, as if to say: you're mine and I'm yours.

The moment was short lived when Kieu my's phone rang multiple time in a row. They both looked at it and then at each other. Fatou's eyes were pleading to let it go but Kieu my rolled her eyes and smiled, reaching for her phone. She laughed and put her hand on her eyes.

"what's up? Who is it?" Fatou asked still on top of her girlfriend.

"It's Zoe" She answered turning her phone towards Fatou. It was a row of texts with a lot of emojis. It read:

"So are you guys back together yet?"

"I was waiting in my car but I left after 30 min"

"You guys are my favorite couple💗💗"

"I hope you're not mad tho😘"

"I did my duty as your bff"

"love u Q!!💛💜💛💜"

"don't do anything I wouldn't do🤭😉"

"happy Valentine's day babe😗✌️"

Fatou laughed at the blonde's childish texts.

"what did she tell you exactly?" Kieu my asked still hiding her face with her arm.

"nothing really.." fatou answered "Is it true that you were stalking me though?" She smiled when the tall girl hid under the covers.

"oh my god, this is so embarrassing! It's just because I missed you, okay?"

"you're so cute when you're flustered"

Fatou grabbed the covers and pulled them down untill she could see Kieu my's face.

"I missed you too" Fatou admitted

"Is it true you had a crush on me?"

"is it true YOU had a crush on me?" Fatou shot back, pulling the covers down and tickling Kieu my's sides.

And just like that they spent the rest of the evening together. Cuddling, kissing but most importantly, actually talking.

That's how you do it. I meant to post it yesterday but then Nhungi (Kieu my's actress) went live on Tiktok and then I fell asleep and today my mom decided to have some quality family time and forced me to go on a three (3) hour walk. But here it is anyway. Hope you enjoy. sorry if there are any mistakes. constructive criticism is always appreciated

(I actually don't know if Zoe has a car but in my head she does and sorry if I forgot other things)

[perfectpaperbluebirds]

@sicktember Prompt # 27: Blankets

Title: Sick Day Spells

Fandom: N/A

Based on an ask box prompt. The prompt: “It’s all well and good until the cleric gets really sick.” 

What does a party of adventures do when their cleric is forced to take a sick day after a battle? Featuring a Halfling Rogue, a Dwarf Fighter, an Elf Sorcerer, and a Human Cleric.

(Author’s note: Holy crap this was fun to write, and I’m thrilled with how it came out! I can’t believe it took me so long to write a D & D-based story. This is the first time I can say with confidence that you will almost certainly see these OCs again. I loved them way too much to let them go. And there's three more people here for me to whump in all ways magical and physical. So keep your eyes peeled for them again soon!)

They say pride comes before the fall, but most people like to think that applies to everyone except them. Still, perhaps the adventuring party should have kept their pride in check, or else watched more vigilantly for the possibility of falling. 

The party of four were riding out of the village they had simultaneously saved and partially destroyed. True, they had fought off a school of necromancers that were terrorizing the local area and destroyed the necromancers' constructs, but the fireball they had used to wipe out the zombies had also wiped out the entire market and half of the residential district. Still, collateral damage was to be expected, and the slightly-singed foursome were in high spirits as they left the smoking town in their wake.

Their calamity came from a very unexpected source, and it started with a sneeze. The party always traveled in pairs of two, with the fighter and the sorcerer in front and the cleric and the rogue in the back. This meant that Filius and Kandry were generally surrounded by a cloud of dust while on the road, but they didn't usually mind, both being the hearty sort.  

Today though, the dust began to make Filius sneeze even before they'd left the town. After two sets of three sneezes nearly back to back, Lorellyn turned, looking at him with concern.

"Are you all right, Fil? Your cold is still bothering you, isn't it?"

"I suppose. Honestly I'm so tired I barely notice it right now. I just want to get back to camp and sleep for a day or two," said the cleric, congested and hoarse, trying not to cough.

"Well yeh certainly earned it. It seemed yeh were everywhere at once ou’ there, throwin' out healin' spells left an' right, an' destroyin' th' zombies in droves, plus flingin' necromancers here an' there with tha' mace o' yourn," Gundor said.

"He's right. We couldn't have done this without you," Lorellyn said earnestly. "You're the hero of the day."

Filius smiled tiredly, but before he could reply, a sickly green bolt of energy hit him in the back, making him spasm. He froze, then slowly his eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped forward on his horse. 

The other three jumped into action immediately. Kandry leapt off of her mount and onto the back of Filius’ with flawless acrobatics, somehow managing to prevent him from falling off of his horse and take control of the steed immediately, though she couldn't reach the stirrups. 

Lorellyn whipped around, immediately shooting a firebolt from her palm, aimed at the bush from which the offensive spell had come. The dry bush caught fire immediately, causing the pair of tiny goblin mages hiding inside it to run out shrieking, heading toward the smoking village. Gundor was already off of his mount and chasing them down with rage in his eyes, ending them with his axe before they knew what hit them. 

Gundor and Lorellyn were at Kandry's side as soon as the threat was eliminated. The halfling was anxiously checking Filius over for visible injuries.

"He's burning up!" she cried. "What did they hit him with?"

"It was a wimpy Ray of Sickness. I saw it out of the corner of my eye," Lorellyn said, taking over assessing the cleric. "Those mages were barely second level. I'm surprised they were able to hit him at all. There's no way this is just from that. There's something else."

"Well can't you figure it out?" Kandry snapped.

"I'm trying! But divination is Filius' specialty, not mine!" Lorellyn snapped back. 

"Let's jus’ get ‘im back ta camp. We need ta get off th' road. We're too exposed, an' distracted ta boot," Gundor said, looking around worriedly. "Yeh can look ‘im over there just as well as here."

The other two quickly agreed. They hastened back to their base, with Filius slumped in the saddle in front of Lorellyn, and Gundor leading Filius' horse behind his own. 

The ride was somber, the high spirits from their successful battle all but forgotten. Filius had a raging fever and was dead asleep, unable to be woken, but seemed to be in the throes of terrible nightmares, for he writhed and cried out the whole time they were moving. Whenever he would yell, it would send him into an awful coughing fit that left him panting and sweating. Lorellyn tried her best to soothe him, but she was clearly distressed, especially when it seemed to have no effect, and she had tears in her eyes most of the trip.

Arriving at their camp, they made a makeshift stretcher for him from a blanket, gently carrying the tall man to his tent and laying him down on his mat. They lingered at his side, unsure how to proceed.

"Why don't you do a healing spell on him or something?" Kandry snapped at the sorcerer. "There's got to be something we can do!"

"I don't have any spells left after that battle," Lorellyn hissed. "I need to rest my magic! And anyway, sorcerers can't do healing spells. Our magic is too chaotic. Bad things would happen if I tried. Do either of you have any healing potions?”

"I never waste time with that. They're too heavy to bother with. You all always carry them... Or Filius takes care of it," Kandry mumbled. 

"I gave mine ta th’ villagers tha' got hurt in th' blast," Gundor said sheepishly. "Filius planned ta brew some more, so I wagered I wouldn't need 'em."

"Some adventurers we are," Kandry groaned. "We can't even take care of our cleric."

Lorellyn wrapped Kandry in a hug, which the halfling immediately tried to wriggle out of, but the elf was stronger. 

"We'll figure something out. It will be fine," Lorellyn said bravely. 

At that moment, the party heard a commotion on the highway, with many people screaming and yelling loud enough to be heard at the camp, though they were well away from the road. The three healthy members of the party gave each other worried looks. Lorellyn attuned her hearing to better assess the situation while Kandry and Gundor waited breathlessly.

"It's a green dragon," Lorellyn gasped after a moment. "Something angered it and now it's flying around, attacking randomly. It's already killed dozens of people." 

"It's all well and good until the cleric gets really sick," Kandry groaned, covering her face.

They didn't have time to make any sort of plan, for immediately they heard the sound of running footsteps approaching their camp. A young man with wild-looking eyes dashed into their midst.

“Adventurers!” he gasped. “Have you heard? There’s a dragon terrorizing us! We need your aid to defeat it!”

Gundor stepped forward. “We hadn’t heard o’ this trouble. O’ course we’ll do what’s necessary in this time o’ danger.”

“So you’ll come? We must go right away!”

“Give us time ta make our necessary preparations. Leave us fer now.”

The lad nodded, hurrying away again. 

Gundor, Lorellyn, and Kandry shared a look. Without a word, they quickly began to break down their camp, hastily packing their things and snuffing out the fire under cover of Lorellyn’s disillusionment cantrips, and taking full advantage of Kandry’s stealth. In minutes they had packed their belongings on their horses and were heading in the opposite direction of the main road, deeper into the forest. Through it all, Filius remained unconscious, mumbling and sweating and weak with fever. 

After another hour or two’s ride, having hidden themselves deep in the forest, Kandry found a secure cave in which they could hide out. The party was in no shape to fight a dragon right now. Here, they wouldn’t be in danger, or be run out of town for not assisting with the dragon. Gundor secured the perimeter while Lorellyn attended to the sick cleric, laying him out gently on his bedroll once more and bathing his sweat-slicked face with a wet rag while Kandry saw to the rest of the camp preparations. The cool water slowly brought Filius to consciousness, with much coughing and trembling. However, wakefulness did not bring awareness with it. He looked around dully, his eyes heavy-lidded and fever-bright, but seemed to take in little of what he saw. He closed his eyes again wearily without acknowledging his companions hovering over him worriedly. Shivers wracked his body.

“ ‘m so cold,” he coughed. “Thirsty….” 

Kandry rushed to get him a mug of water while Lorellyn snatched the blankets off of each of the other bedrolls and brought them over, covering him in all of them. They seemed to have no effect though, and he continued to shiver violently. Gundor built up the fire frantically, but it took a while to catch, and the smoke only made the sick human cough more. After drinking two mugs of water, Filius fell back asleep, which was somehow both a relief and a worry to his friends. His fever never changed, neither going lower nor higher.

“I’ll run ta th’ village ta get ‘im some kind o’ potion,” Gundor murmured over supper. “I can’t watch ‘im suffer like this.”

“And risk being seen, or worse attacked by a dragon?” Kandry scoffed. “After all the trouble we went to to find this place and stay hidden? Please don’t.”

“She’s right,” Lorellyn said. “That’s at least two hours' ride, and one of us will be left alone and vulnerable. At least wait until morning, when our health and spells are back up. If he’s the same or worse, then go. We’ll see how he does through the night.”

Once night fell, with nothing else to do, the party tried to sleep, rotating 6 hour shifts keeping watch, as usual. However, even when not on guard duty, the party members found they couldn’t settle, and kept lifting their heads to shoot worried glances at their cleric, or make sure he hadn’t worsened. Gundor had had the first watch, and when it came time for him to rest, he settled on his bedroll, but then tossed and turned for a long time. He was usually snoring like a bear within moments of shutting his eyes, so this had the ladies on high alert. Finally, the dwarf got up with a huff, picked up his bedroll and carried it over to Filius’ side, dropping it there. When he lay back down, he was close enough that his shoulder touched the cleric’s. The dwarf then pulled a corner of one of the blankets over himself and rolled to his side, pressing up against the human, and immediately falling asleep with a weary snore. 

Lorellyn had the second watch, and she kept shooting tender, but envious looks at the sleeping men. Filius never woke, but he seemed to sleep more peacefully after Gundor had joined him. As soon as her watch was finished, she followed the dwarf’s lead, pushing her bedroll up against the other side of the sick human, sliding under the blankets, and resuming her meditation. 

Kandry was not so easily swayed, and tried to ignore the thoughtless sharing of germs happening behind her as she took her turn at the watch. However, when no one was looking, she surreptitiously slid her bedroll around to the other side of the fire, placing her closer to her companions.

Had Gundor and Lorellyn been aware of their surroundings, they would have noticed that in the wee hours of the morning Filius began to sweat profusely. He had hardly moved after the other two had settled in with him to share their body heat, but he began to mutter and toss a bit once more. Finally, just as dawn was creeping over the horizon, he woke with a gasp, sitting bolt upright with a hacking cough. Lorellyn and Gundor were instantly awakened as well, and Kandry was at their side in an instant. Filius tried to catch his breath, pushing his sweaty hair out of his eyes. 

“Where ‘m I?” he croaked. “What happened?”

Lorellyn leaned over to press the back of her hand to his forehead, then his neck. “We’re safely hidden in the forest. Are you alright? How are you feeling?”

“Awful,” Filius groaned. “Sick. How long have I been asleep?” He yawned hugely. 

“Almost a day,” Kandry said, pressing a mug of water into his hands. “You scared us half to death. You got hit with a Ray of Sickness and you just… passed out.”

“I did?” he said worriedly, looking confused. “I don’t remember that….”

“Yeah. Did you have some poison in your system too or something? I’ve never seen Ray of Sickness do that,” Kandry said accusingly. 

“Not that I know of. Might have to do with me already being sick when it hit me. Just exacerbated everything, made it worse temporarily.” He coughed roughly into his shoulder, wincing, then downed the mug of water. 

“Well your fever is much better,” Lorellyn said happily. “Let’s hope you’re on the mend now!”

“I’d be on the mend faster if I got some whiskey,” Filius sniffled, looking meaningfully at Gundor. The sleepy dwarf readily got up and shuffled to his pack. Finding what he was looking for, he returned with an amber-colored bottle and handed it to the cleric, who took several unceremonious gulps. 

“Good ta have yeh back, mate,” Gundor rumbled happily, reclaiming the bottle and taking several swigs of his own. 

“What are you all doing over here anyway?” Filius said after a moment, yawning again. “This cave is plenty big enough for all of us.”

“You were freezing, so we shared our blankets with you,” Lorellyn said.

“Really? You mean you slept here all night?”

“Tha’ we did. ‘Twas a mighty fine night’s rest, too,” Gundor said. “Matter o’ fact, I could use some more shuteye if it’s all th’ same ta you lot.” With that, he lay back down right where he was, pressing up against Filius once more and closing his eyes. The cleric looked surprised, though not unhappy with this development. 

“Some more rest would be nice. Filius, are you able to put up some protection spells so we can all relax for another day? I hate to ask so much of you--” Lorellyn began.

“No, it’s fine,” he said, coughing chestily. “I can manage.” He grasped his talisman of Njord and closed his eyes, his brow furrowing. After a moment, an opaque barrier appeared over the cave’s entryway. No creature, magical or otherwise, would be able to pass through. Looking exhausted now, he lay back down alongside Gundor and shut his eyes, a tiny smile appearing on his face as the dwarf shifted cozily against him and Lorellyn too pressed closer. 

Lorellyn was also grinning. “Come join us, Kandry.”

The halfling rolled her eyes. “I don’t cuddle.”

“I don’t either, but here we are,” Filius mumbled, almost asleep. “Just call it team bonding.”

Kandry almost declined again… but it really did look very cozy to be surrounded by blankets and pillows and teammates. With a little sigh, she shuffled over and slotted herself in, with Filius’ long legs on one side of her, and Lorellyn’s on the other. 

They spent the rest of the day just like that, sleeping and eating and talking, content to take a day to simply enjoy each other’s company as they let their cleric take a sick day.

[bgyulix]

— just another edgy teen rom com

-> pairing: min yoongi x reader

-> genre: bad boy!au, high school!au, slightly inspired by the end of the f***ing world

-> tags/warnings: domestic abuse, child abuse, underage drinking, implications of drug use, also they smoke some weed but only a little, smut in future chapters, suicidal thoughts, despite all these its rather soft and yoongi is whipped

-> word count: 2,896

-> summary: min yoongi is typically someone you’d avoid, and definitely not someone you’d want to run away from home with. OR: having an existential crisis together on a bus stop bench in the middle of the night was not exactly the meet-cute you’d always dreamed of.

-> a/n: here it is!! i hope you guys like it, and if you want to be on the tag list just ask! im thinking there’ll be three parts, but there might end up being four, we’ll see lmao

-> chapter: 1 | 2 | 3

You’d been hit one too many times that night. It was inevitable that it would happen eventually; that a perfectly angled slap or shove against the wall would knock something loose, and you’d end up lying on a bus stop bench like a homeless person letting your wounds fester in traffic fumes.

The cold metal of the dirty bench bit into your thighs and the part of your shoulders where your jacket had ridden down. It registered somewhere in the back of your mind that you could just adjust your jacket and maybe shimmy your shorts down a bit, but you ignored it. You were perfectly happy lying here freezing to death.

Somebody had stuck some gum in the corner of the roof. Maybe you should take it and chew it and get a disease or something. That might be interesting.

Two buses came and went. The night grew longer, and colder. Less and less cars went past. Your shitty little neighbourhood had never been the busiest, and eventually the streets fell quiet and empty, with only the sounds of traffic in the distance and a moth buzzing around a streetlight to keep you company.

The pain of the cut on your lip and your black eye dulled down to a steady throb. It almost felt separate from you, the part of you that cared and the part of you that didn’t two different people arguing with each other while you listened in.

You heard footsteps, trudging up the street through sludgy puddles. They reached the bus stop and hesitated, like everybody else had when they saw your depressed beat up ass suntanning in the dinky fluorescent light. The part of you that didn’t care won out yet again and you didn’t even bother to look up.

They came and sat at the other end of the bench, by your head. You could see a tuft of shaggy bleach blonde hair in your peripheral vision. They shifted and grunted, their voice surprisingly deep. A sigh, and then they simply sat next to you in silence, and you absently wondered if they were waiting for a bus, or if they were going to mug you, or if they were having as bad of a day as you were.

“Rough night?”

You finally managed to move, arching your neck and looking at them upside down. It was a guy, maybe your age, with a nasty scrape on his cheekbone, in a camo jacket smirking around a split lip. He looked vaguely familiar, like you’d seen him around before.

Stranger danger! the little voice in your head that was still sane yelled at you. You ignored it.

“Yep,” you said.

“Yeah,” the guy muttered, “me too.”

He thumbed at his lip. It was bleeding a little.

“What happened to your face?” he asked.

“I got punched, I guess. What happened to yours?”

He snorted. “I got punched, I guess.”

“Welcome to the club, then.”

You settled back down, staring at the roof again. Your butt hurt.

“So, what brings you to my bus stop?” he said, his voice smug. You prickled at his tone.

“Your bus stop? This is my bus stop.”

“Nope, sorry. Definitely mine.”

“I was here first!”

“I’ve been having mental breakdowns here long before you have, sweetheart.”

You scoffed, sitting up to glare at him, your cold, tired bones groaning in protest. You noticed now the bruises on his knuckles, and the dirt stains - or what you hoped were dirt stains - on his shirt. His eyes were dark and catlike, watching you intently with something like amusement.

“I am not…” you grumbled, feeling suddenly pinned down by his gaze, “I am not having a mental breakdown.”

He quirked a brow.

“You’re lying in a bus stop in the middle of the night.”

“And you’re sitting in a bus stop in the middle of the night. You can’t talk.”

He chuckled, pointing at you. “Touché.”

A car went past. You sat side by side, hyper aware of his presence and the way his choppy blond bangs fell across his face and the way he was twisting the ring on his finger in his lap.

“You come here often then?” you said, casually.

“Occasionally,” he replied, casually. Just like you were talking about the weather. “Yourself?”

“Nah. I was just walking past, thought I might go somewhere.”

“But… you didn’t?”

“Don’t have the guts, I guess.”

“I get it,” he rasped, nodding sagely, “I always come here thinking I’ll get on the bus, and then I don’t.”

He pursed his lips, looking away from your face and to the road, glistening with dew and oil slick and hazy streetlights.

“Where would you go?” you murmured.

He shrugged.

“Haven’t really thought about it. Just…” he trailed off, gesturing vaguely at the street. “Away.”

Away. The dream of away was a fantasy, had always been a fantasy. One you consistently came back to after every fight, every hit, every curse. You rub at your eye, wincing when it stung. You wonder who hit him.

“Yeah,” you said. “Away.”

He sniffed, scratched his nose. Suddenly he shifted, straightening his back and his shoulders and puffing out his chest a little, any hint of vulnerability gone and replaced with smug cockiness.

“So you gonna tell me your name?” he smirked. You rolled your eyes at his obvious display.

“___,” you told him.

“Yoongi.”

Your eyes widened. So that’s how you recognised him. “Like Min Yoongi? The drug dealer?”

He scoffed. “I am not a drug dealer.”

You raised your brow the same way he had at you.

“I am not a drug dealer… during school hours,” he clarified. You snorted.

“Anyway, how would you know unless you’ve bought off me, huh?”

“We go to the same school. You’re a consistent source of locker room gossip. Everyone's scared of you.”

Min Yoongi rode a motorcycle and smoked under the bleachers and once told a teacher to fuck off. Min Yoongi could set you up with anything if you were willing to pay. Min Yoongi ran with gangs. Min Yoongi had fucked his way through practically the entire school. You either hated him, wanted him, or were scared of him. The rumours and chatter surrounding him was endless, and he did nothing to discourage it, getting into fights and into detention, showing up to every house party with arms full of weed and leaving one too many hickies on a girl’s neck.

And here he was in front of you, staring at his boots and shaking his head almost bashfully, you dare say.

“You don’t look so scared,” he huffed. You shrugged.

“I’m having a bad day.”

“Yeah, no shit. You look terrible.”

“Hey!” you cried indignantly, “speak for yourself, asshole!”

He laughed then, a deep, carefree rumble from deep in his chest. Your lips rose on their own accord, and you had to fight to keep the smile down.

He didn’t seem so scary. Apart from the blood, of course.

“You wanna get a milkshake?” he asked abruptly.

“A milkshake?”

“Yeah. I know a place that stays open late, not far from here.”

“Oh. Uh… yeah, okay. Yeah, that sounds nice.”

The place he led you to was a small, rundown building next to a service station, trash littering the footpath out in front, with a guy leaning against the wall puking on his shoes.

JO’S DINER, screamed the flickering neon sign. OPEN LATE!

You screwed up your nose and hesitated, eyeing the guy warily.

“That’s just Heegun,” Yoongi said, nudging you, “‘sup, Heegun!”

Heegun raised a hand, before he doubled over and continued to hack his guts up.

Yoongi barrelled through the door, gesturing for you to follow. You hurried in after him, giving Heegun a wide berth.

The inside of the diner was vintage 50’s style, with a checkered floor and red vinyl chairs, and records and pictures of old cars hanging on the walls. It smelt of motor oil and fries, and scratchy music was playing through the speakers. One of the lightbulbs above the counter was out, leaving a weird dark spot, and there was a puddle of… something collecting in a spot where the floor dipped. The waitress at the counter was chewing gum and scrolling through her phone, her classic white apron covered in grease stains.

“Jisoo,” Yoongi drawled, sidling up to the counter. Jisoo, an older woman with extremely thin, overdrawn eyebrows, sighed heavily.

“Oh, it’s you,” she said. She had lipstick on her teeth.

“It’s me! How’s it going?”

Jisoo raised one of her fake eyebrows, very, very slowly.

“You two look like shit.”

“Yes, we know. Thank you. Could we get two milkshakes, if you please? ___, what flavour you want?”

You started. “Oh, uh, just chocolate.”

“Two chocolate milkshakes. And a large curly fries, I’m fucking hungry.”

Jisoo marked it down on a little notepad, and somehow even made that sarcastic.

“Sir, yes sir,” she grumbled, and pulled out her gum and stuck it behind her ear, “take a seat.”

Yoongi sat you down in a little booth by the window and slid in opposite you. The table was covered in crumbs and the vinyl stuck to your bare legs.

“You‘re a regular?” you asked.

“Well, they know me by name,” Yoongi replied. He leant back and rested his arm up on the top of his seat, a dark blot against the garishly bright diner, somehow more intimidating in decent lighting than he had been in the dark. It finally hit you; you were in a shitty restaurant with Min Yoongi. You were having milkshakes and curly fries with Min Yoongi.

Why not, you supposed, it’s not like your life wasn’t already a disaster. You put your elbows on the table, the crumbs digging into your skin. You didn’t have the energy to be disgusted.

“So…” you began, and then came up blank.

“So…?” Yoongi urged.

“Uh… how much were the milkshakes? Because I have like…” you fished around in your pocket, “two dollars. And five cents.”

He chuckled again, rich and gruff, and you swear you felt it in your bones.

“Relax, it’s on me. Like you said, you’re having a bad day.”

“And you’re not?”

He shrugged. “Eh. I’m used to it.”

“That’s not a good thing,” you said, narrowing your eyes at him. He smirked.

“That’s life, doll.”

Life, indeed.

“So…” you said again.

“So…?” Yoongi urged, again.

“Is this what you do for fun? Come to…” you lowered your voice, just so Jisoo wouldn’t hear, “come to shitty diners in the middle of the night?”

He seemed amused, his smirk growing a little wider and his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“Yeah. This is all I do. Just this, nothing else,” he teased.

“Well, what do you do then? Other than this. And drugs.”

He leaned forwards conspiratorially and cupped his hand around his mouth, like he was about to deliver a secret, and you found yourself leaning into him.

He opened his mouth and whispered, “sell drugs.”

You scoffed and sat back, brushing the crumbs off your elbow.

“Right, of course. Typical.”

Jisoo appeared, a cigarette hanging from her lips, balancing a tray with two milkshakes and a basket of curly fries on her hip. She brought it down on the table hard enough to make both milkshakes spill over the sides of the glass.

“There, you little shits,” she grated, her voice like sandpaper.

“Thanks, Jisoo,” said Yoongi, going straight for the fries. “Heegun’s throwing up out the front again, by the way.”

“WHAT?” Jisoo roared. You flinched. She stormed across the diner, her thunderous footsteps making the table rattle, and swung the door open with so much force it was a miracle it didn’t come flying off its hinges. “FOR FUCK’S SAKE, HEEGUN, YOU DICK, THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK!”

Yoongi chuckled at your shell shocked expression. “She’s a real piece of work, huh?”

You nodded mutely, and hid the way your hands shook by grasping your milkshake and bringing the straw to your lips. It was pretty good, all things considered.

The second the food hit your stomach, it rumbled audibly, and your head went light and frantic. You reached for the curly fries and shovelled the greasy things into your mouth like a starved man.

“When was the last time you ate?” Yoongi asked, eyeing you cautiously. You shrugged, which was a lie. You knew exactly when the last time you ate was; last night at 10:24 pm, sitting across from your father, listening to him rant about how much he hated his job. People yelling at mealtimes seemed to be a trend.

You both ate in silence for a moment, the sounds of Jisoo shooing Heegun away and an overhyped pop song in the background.

“We go to the same school, then?” Yoongi said, with a mouthful of food. You wrinkled your nose at him.

“We do. Don’t talk with your mouth full, it’s gross.”

He snorted. “Yes, ma’am.”

You elected to ignore him. “We have literature together.”

“Literature, huh? I’ve never noticed you before.”

“I try not to be noticed.”

“You some kind of social recluse or something?” said Yoongi, raising a brow.

“No, I just don’t like making a scene, unlike some people,” you told him. “Beside, I sit up the back, and Mr. Ahn makes you sit up the front, so.”

“Huh,” he hummed, tapping his ring against his glass. Jisoo came back inside muttering under her breath, huffing cigarette smoke everywhere. “It seems like you know plenty about me, but I know nothing about you.”

“Not much to know. I’m not nearly as interesting as you.”

“Oh, you think I’m interesting?” he drawled, smirking.

You rolled your eyes. “Well, you’re always up to something.”

“What are you up to?” he asked, jabbing a finger at you.

“Me? Not much.”

“Aw, c’mon. You got no friends, no hobbies? Nothing?”

He was watching you in that peculiar way again, like you’d just said something funny but he couldn’t quite understand the joke. He looked… interested.

“Why do you care?” you demanded, narrowing your eyes.

Yoongi put his hands up in mock surrender.

“Pardon me if I wanna know a bit more about the random chic I found at my bus stop,” he exclaimed indignantly, gazing dangerously at you from under his bangs. You faltered and your cheeks heated, and he gave an amused little huff.

“Um… well…” you stammered, and sipped your milkshake to compose yourself. “I, uh… I like music.”

“Music, huh? What kind?”

“Uh… any kind, if it’s good.”

“You’re really not giving me much to work with here.”

“I’m… I’m in a choir?” you offered.

“Oh, you’re a choir girl,” Yoongi said, “that’s cute.”

You scoffed. “Cute? Excuse me, that shit is hard. Do you know how to tone deaf 70-year-old people are? Extremely. Painfully. And they pinch your cheeks after they subject you to their dying cat noises! Choir takes a lot of effort, thank you!”

Yoongi laughed and grinned, so boyishly that for a moment he almost looked like a different person.

“I’m more into rap myself.”

“You rap?”

“Maybe.”

“Are you any good?”

“Well, that’s - that depends.”

You snorted.

“Huh. I didn’t know you rapped,” you said.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” Yoongi told you, and wiggled his eyebrows at you. You choked on a fry with laughter.

“Ooh, mysterious. Let me guess, let me guess - you’re addicted to anime. No, no! You cry at cat videos.”

“I do not,” Yoongi grumbled, “I have not once - not once - cried at a cat video.”

“Bullshit, you have too. I can see it in your eyes.”

Jisoo, from her place back at the counter, coughed loudly and pointedly in your direction, and you realised you’d been raising your voice. You lowered yourself back into your seat sheepishly.

Yoongi was still smiling, shaking his head in amusement. He was handsome, you thought. You’d never quite understood why girls threw themselves at him despite knowing the extent of his shady business practices, but you understood now; his mouth was soft and his jaw was sharp and his aura, while commandeering and a little intimidating, was relaxed and calm and familiar. You were having the strangest urge to reach over the table and brush his hair from his face, or maybe tap his nose.

He was… oh, he was cute.

He was smirking at you again. You were staring. Fuck. You looked down at your milkshake.

“You’re cute,” he said, and the milkshake went down the wrong way.

“What?” you spluttered uselessly.

“You’re cute. I can’t believe we’ve never met before.”

“Well…” you began, pausing to collect yourself, “...we have now.”

He grinned. You grinned back.

Yoongi walked you back to the bus stop, and when he asked you if you wanted him to walk you home, too, you refused.

“You homeless?”

“Just for tonight.”

He didn’t push.

When the sun rose, and you finally slunk back home like a dog with its tail between its legs, your father rushed forwards and drew you into his arms and cried apologies into your shoulder, like he always did.

I’m so sorry, ___. I didn’t mean it. It’ll never happen again, I promise.

He even bought you pizza for dinner - but then he got drunk, and then he did it again. Like he always did.

[wallofweird]

hi fae, how do you feel about people saying that kevin only tolerates madison bc of kate and therefore they won't work? :/

Hi! Well, I think these people are definitely not watching This Is Us (or any type of television, for that matter) or living on Earth. Or seeing and unseeing things according to their pre-established opinions. Either way, that’s absolutely not true. On most of their interactions Kevin is polite, as you can see it here:

I love this part because there are at least three other guests closer to him but she is the first person he offers a glass of champagne... If you pay attention to the scene, he is holding THREE glasses. He gives one to Madison and he puts another on a shelf, I don’t know about the third, but there were definitely more women in the room that could’ve had that(those) glass(es), he just didn’t care, lol. Also, Rebecca is looking and smiling at him, but he doesn’t even notice it because he is too busy looking at Madi... I mean, another direction.

CREDIT: https://thisiskevison.tumblr.com (all the gifs above)

Kevin doesn’t look very happy with the idea of dancing and still he doesn’t protest.

CREDIT: https://madsdefencesquad.tumblr.com/post/616600065662926848/kevin-x-madison-height-difference

This gif doesn’t show it, but he turns his head and watches Madison as she walks away just like on gif number 4.

Siding with her during a conversation with Kate.

CREDIT: https://thisiskevison.tumblr.com (all the gifs above)

Comforting Madison.

CREDIT: https://madsdefencesquad.tumblr.com/post/618991372262916096/kevin-looking-at-madison-nothing-but-blue-skies

He isn’t smiling here, but does this seem to be a person that is annoyed with the other? He has soft, delicate, gentle eyes while looking at her.

And this whole thing about Kevin despising Madison and only tolerating her because of Kate is even more ridiculous because on this scene he is basically begging her to invite him to come inside.

CREDIT: https://madsdefencesquad.tumblr.com/post/616600065662926848/kevin-x-madison-height-difference

If he thought her company was so unpleasant, why would he accept it in the first place? He could’ve left and gone to Rebecca’s house instead, or come back after Toby got back from work, he could’ve called Randall, or Nicky, or simply gone somewhere else to make new friends because it’s not like struggles when he socializes with strangers.

And here is what Madison had to say about her night with him:

CREDIT: https://thisiskevison.tumblr.com/post/617836054621339648/do-you-want-to-know-why-i-think-i-slept-with

He made her feel comfortable enough to be her true self and he ended up spending at least a few hours with Madison. He spent the night at her place and only left the next morning... If her presence were so repellent, why didn’t he leave after the sex? Madison didn’t point a gun at him and forced him to stay. Even after he woke up, he kept lying next to her on the bed without a shirt on... Plus, there was the option of leaving without saying anything while she was asleep, but he didn’t do that.

Actually, the only time I believe Kevin was rude to her was at the hospital, but you have to analyze the context: his sister went into early labor, there was an endless list of possible complications to the baby and herself, it took hours until Kevin got some information, Kevin had been drinking, he was dealing with his failed attempt to connect with his uncle, the frustration of having relapsed after an entire year of being sober, feeling guilty for lying to everyone about it and the fear of losing Zoe because of those lies. He was going through A LOT. Those were probably some of the hardest hours of his life. Yet, at first he treated her just fine, it was the fact she wouldn’t stop talking (because that’s the way she was coping with the situation and usually what he does too when he’s sober, btw) that he said those things to her. Now, I don’t drink, but as far as I know people on hangover usually have headaches so it’s not weird that they will avoid noises and I remember Kevin saying a few minutes before that he was on hangover.

I also remember that he immediately regretted it and apologized to Madison, but she didn’t listen and left (I don’t blame her). And when she walked away he was hit by a dose of consciousness and realized his was being “an ass” and apologized to his family. She wasn’t the only one, he was snapping at everybody, because it wasn’t Madison, Randall or anyone else that was annoying him. It wasn’t personal. It was the stress of the entire situation that was making Kevin take it out on everybody. Plus, even though he didn’t specifically snap at Zoe, when he went outside to get some air and clear his head, she offered him company and Kevin shut her out.

CREDIT: https://thisiskevison.tumblr.com/post/618572824853069824/im-sorry-what-exactly-are-you-doing-here

By the way, Kevin bumped into Madison when he was getting out of the elevator and attempted to apologize for a second time.

Another scene people use as an ‘example’ of rudeness is this moment on the season finale, but I sincerely disagree. Here’s why:

Kevin was in the middle of a heated fight with his brother and that was almost getting physical when Madison arrived for the party.

And when she showed up at the door he just told her the truth: it wasn’t a good time.

Now, does that look like an angry, utterly annoyed and disdainful face for you? Because the way I see it, it’s just a guy who’s weary and not in his best state of mind, which is comprehensible since he was in a middle of an argument, his mother’s health is deteriorating, Randall had talked her into doing a clinical trial in the other side of the country despite her previous refusal and that’s just SOME of the heavy stuff he was dealing with at that specific moment.

However, Madison doesn’t bother and enters the place anyway.

And Kevin doesn’t yell at her, protest or leaves, he just lets her in and closes the door.

Again: does this look like he hates Madison so much like some people make it seem?

THIS is being annoyed and/or angry:

CREDIT: https://rostovarps.tumblr.com/post/165520445651/kevin-pearson-in-this-is-us-01x07-the-best

CREDIT: https://adyadintheforce.tumblr.com/post/177326964546/shame-on-all-of-us

And this is just being upset, tired, feeling like all your energy has been drained out of your body:

If you watch the scene, his face on the picture above and on this gif has identical expressions:

CREDIT: https://ltbelanna.tumblr.com/post/189147462109/this-is-us-4x08-sorry-im-sorry-me-too-see

And really, how did these people expect him to react? Did they expect him to smile, kiss her and propose a second round of hookup? His reaction made perfect sense to everything that was happening at the time.

Do they believe things would’ve been different if it had been someone else at the door, like Kate’s neighbor Gregory or somebody from her support group? Do they think that if it had been another person he would’ve hugged them, offer coffee and crack jokes? That the problem was Madison and not the situation he was in with Randall and Rebecca? 

Anywaaaay, by the end of their conversation he had already softened up and was even slightly smiling at her. 

CREDIT: https://millennial-mess.tumblr.com/post/613565105725194240/im-so-sick-of-chasing-ghosts-im-tired-of

CREDIT: https://madsdefencesquad.tumblr.com/post/620438418688704513/you-da-best

Sure, it wan’t a wide smile because it wasn’t like his problems had disappeared all of a sudden, but he had found a silver lining in the midst of everything.

And being exhausted, upset, annoyed, stressed or angry is part of the human experience and part of being in a relationship of ANY KIND: romantic, platonic, familial. Taking it out on someone can happen sometimes as well. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows. People are not perfect. People are not robots. They navigate through negative feelings and emotions too. It’s how things are in real life and also how things are on television, specially on This Is Us, which is a show that focuses on relationships and emotions.

Jack and Rebecca, Beth and Randall, Kate and Toby, Randall and Kevin, Kevin and Kate, Nicky and Kevin, Kevin and Sophie, William and Randall, Kevin and Cassidy all had moments like this... The list goes on. Would the same people define these relationships/friendships as unsuccessful and fake because of a few unfriendly moments? I doubt it, because what really defines a relationship as healthy and successful is the people’s ability to recognize their own mistakes, forgive each other, work on themselves as individuals and as friends/a couple/a family and getting even closer and stronger after facing the hardships. It’s not smiling, talking, hugging and kissing 24/7 because nobody does that. Maybe for a few days and weeks, but you won’t last even a month behaving like this, let alone YEARS.

And the complications are also what keep the story interesting and engaging. I don’t mean something like toxicity and abuse, but if couples, relatives and friends don’t disagree, argue and face problems out and within their relationship, the show doesn’t go anywhere. There must be conflict. There must be drama. And there must be happiness. It’s about balancing these aspects out.

If they want to watch something that’s always sunshine and rainbows and where the characters are always happy, they should watch a TV show targeted to three-year-old children, because honestly This Is Us has never been and will never be this kind of show. 

And we know Kevin has a pregnant fiancee on season 5 and since This Is Us is not a soap opera, I seriously doubt Kevin will go out there impregnating multiple women with multiple children and multiple sets of twins. I reckon it’s safe to say it’s Madison. That means they will go through one of the most amazing and yet vulnerable and challenging experiences two people can ever face and instead of pulling them apart, it will only bring them closer to the point they will get engaged. For me, this sounds like a relationship that is DEFINITELY WORKING.

[dumbofassjoey]

POWERSLIDE

WHO: @dumbofassjoey​ & @angel-alexanderr (mentions of frankie, jake and marley)

WHERE: puckerman household

WHEN: friday, december 4th

WHAT: Joey goes over to the Puckerman household to apologize to Xan, ends up having dinner with the Puckermans and then talks to Xan.

JOEY: Joey didn’t really expect for this night to turn out the way that it did, but for some reason, it did. After two weeks of being suspended and grounded, Joey was finally free (at least to some extent, he still had a curfew), so he decided to go over to the Puckerman’s household, somewhere he was familiar with and had been tons of times, not only with Frankie, but also Xan. The reason he was there was pretty obvious, he wanted to apologize to Xan – the two weren’t on best terms right now and Joey was kind of tired of it. He was tired of being angry and mad at people, so he decided he should change that. As soon as he arrived there, he knocked on the door and was hoping for Xan to open, but was surprised when he saw Marley on the other side. The next thing he knew, he had been invited to have dinner with the Puckerman family – Joey felt a little weird and he mostly talked to Frankie and Marley, sharing looks with Jake and Xan from time to time.

Once everyone was done with dinner, Joey and Xan made their way upstairs to Xan’s room – another place Joey was familiar with, but it was a place that Joey had grown to like and it was for the best if they talked there. Once they were alone, Joey turned around to look at Xan with a small smile, before nodding his head slowly. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to come over for dinner, I just… wanted to talk to you. But at least, your mom is nice! And so is your dad, but it didn’t seem like he really wanted me here.” He said with a small nod. “I’m sorry.” He just blurted out, before shrugging his shoulders – he didn’t know what else to say.

XAN: Xan wasn’t normally the biggest fan of family dinners. He felt like his mother purposefully put extra food on his plate. Maybe it was his own anxiety, but he felt like everyone around him was watching him take every bite. Worse, lately family dinners just reminded him that in a few months they’d be happening without Frankie. But tonight was going pretty well so far, the mood was pretty light. Xan was helping his dad set the table when there was a knock on the door. Seconds later, Joey was suddenly part of a Puckerman family dinner. Xan mostly spent the meal stuffing his face to avoid talking to Joey, making accidental eye contact with him, and getting up to use the bathroom (just to scream).

After dinner Xan and Joey walked into Xan’s room. He didn’t really care about his mom’s open door policy...he knew he could get away with shutting his door. She probably was oblivious to the sexual tension between the two boys. Xan listened to Joey’s words with raised eyebrows. “Yeah my dad made me explain what happened between us to him. He’s just...bad at not being weird about stuff like-“ Xan started to explain while rolling his eyes. He was cut off by Joey apologizing. Xan scoffed. “You’re gonna have to refresh my memory on what you’re apologizing about.” He teased. It had been some time since their fight...and even though they had a MULTITUDE of weird interactions since then, he figured that was the main thing Joey was saying sorry about. He sat down in his bed and patted the space beside him for Joey to sit too.

JOEY: Once Xan explained that his dad knew about the two of them, Joey nodded his head slowly, but he didn’t expect for Xan to talk to him about the two of them anyone, especially not his dad – Joey couldn’t remember a time where he had talked about any of his dads about boy problems, but there was a first time for everything. Once he saw Xan sitting down on the bed, Joey looked at him for a while before deciding to sit next to him, trying to organize his thoughts on what to say next. “About the wedding… And about everything that happened after the wedding.” Joey said with a sigh – he should have apologized for this earlier, but the two had sort of avoided each other for a while after the wedding and their interactions were sort of weird after it, so of course Joey didn’t apologize earlier. “I just miss being with you, I guess. I don’t know, it’s kind of weird to think about it. At first we hated each other but now I miss talking to you.” He said with a small chuckle, before he was looking over at Xan. It was true, Joey did miss talking to Xan almost every day, even if most of the times they were teasing each other about the glee club or on who was the most talented out of the two of them – but now, after two years of teasing, it felt like things had changed. “It’s okay if you don’t forgive me, I just really needed to apologize. I haven’t felt like myself for a while now, but I’m trying to make up for what I did… To everyone, you know?”

XAN : Xan didn’t really know what he expected when he invited Joey to his room. It was the same thing for him...he really missed be around Joey. He had talked to Finn about it and even sang songs about. Heck...even when he rehearsed All I Do with the rest of the warblers it was hard to not picture Joey. So when Joey apologized, something just clicked for Xan. “I’ll forgive you if you forgive me...because I’m about to be really cheesy and honest.” He admitted. Xan took a deep breath. “I think part of what made me so angry at the wedding was...I don’t know, the fact that I really like who you’re becoming. And also who we are when we’re not at each other’s throats. We’ve grown a lot since we first met, I think. But I saw annoying freshman year Joey that night and it made me mad cuz I really like who you are now.” He rambled. “I want to...” he paused before looking down at legs. He couldn’t do it. “Nevermind, Im being dumb.” He said, counting all the ways this could go wrong.

JOEY: When Xan spoke, Joey raised an eyebrow at the other – he wasn’t sure about what he was talking about, but the worst part was that he didn’t know what Xan was going to say. He didn’t know what to expect what was to come from Xan being honest; he didn’t know if he was about to be mean or not, but it didn’t seem like it. As he looked over at him, he nodded his head slowly. “Okay… Just say it.” He said with a shrug of his shoulders, before bring his hands together and looking down at them. Whatever he had to say couldn’t be that bad, right? As he heard him talk, Joey nodded his head slowly, letting out a few chuckles at what he was saying – it was true, Joey had changed a lot since freshman year and so had Xan. It was kind of surprising to hear, especially since Joey didn’t believe that could change that much, but apparently he had and so had Xan – and they were better people now because they had changed. “I just really don’t know why I got drunk like that… I guess I was just nervous about the whole Darcy situation and I ended up being caught anyway. And I almost lost someone I really like because of it.” He said, turning his head to look at Xan, raising an eyebrow when he stopped talking. “C’mon, you have to tell me now… You can’t just leave me like that.” He said, before taking Xan’s hand. “What is it?”

XAN: Looked over to Joey as he grabbed his hand. Xan’s foot started to tap lightly beneath him as he charged himself up to speak. “I don’t want to hook up anymore.” He said firmly. He let that sink in for a moment before talking again. “I actually like you as more than a fuckbuddy and until we figure that out...I think it will be too messy for me.” He looked at Joey with expectant eyes. This would be the moment where he found out if everything he had been stressing over was mutual.

JOEY: Those were probably the last words Joey wanted to hear, but luckily he heard what Xan had to say until the end - and he was not disappointed to what he had to say. "Oh." Joey said with a small smile forming on his lips, before he looked down at his legs for a few moments. He really didn't know what to say to stuff like these, he couldn't remember the last time he was in a relationship or had feelings for someone. "Sorry, I just don't really know what to say... I'm really not used to talking about feelings with anyone because, you know... I just sleep with them. But I like you too." He said with a small nod. "I know I do, because I'm never sure about a lot of things... I'm not even sure if I can trust my own fish, I'm pretty sure he's smoking again. But I know that I like you." He nodded.

XAN: Xan hung on to every word Joey said next. He had to actively convince himself that he was doing the wrong thing in the brief pause after Joey’s reaction. He nodded gently as he heard the other boy talk, fully ready to backtrack on what he just said...until Joey said he liked Xan too. “Really?” He said with a little smile. Xan and Joey were vulnerable with each other physically...but this was the first time Xan could remember them doing it with their words. “Geez I thought this was gonna end up really awkward...but I can work with that.” Xan said while gripping Joey’s hand.

JOEY: Joey didn't know if he was ready for a relationship, mostly because he wasn't sure how one worked either way. But of course he was willing to try, especially since he liked being with Xan a lot; so would it really hurt to try being in a relationship with Xan? As he smiled over at the other, Joey nodded his head before moving forward so he could give Xan a small kiss. "I'm glad that it isn't awkward... But you should know that I have no idea what to do now... I'm really not used to doing something like this, but I don't want to ruin it. I really didn't like being mad at you."(edited)

XAN: Xan couldn’t resist returning Joey’s kiss. He didn’t really know what it took to be in a relationship either. Just like Joey, Xan’s experience had been limited to hookups with either Joey or gay warbler groupies. He was glad there was a possibility of something more. “I mean...we can figure out. We don’t have to have to like move in together or buy a dog. I just want to go on dates with you and pick you up after school for fully clothes activities.” He added. “I missed kissing you by the way....”

JOEY: Letting out a small chuckle, Joey nodded his head as he agreed to what Xan was saying. However, he couldn't stop thinking about what everyone's reactions would be once they found out that Joey was actually dating one of New Directions' competitors, but he figured that would be a problem for later. "Now I kind of want a dog though..." He said, thinking about it, before smiling over at Xan. "But that sounds nice! And I did miss kissing you too. And I missed your room." He said with a chuckle, moving in closer for another kiss

XAN : Xan laughed at the idea of actually being dog dads with Joey. The thought was just way too silly for him, and he ended up laughing right back at Joey. It was nice to be kissing him again. It almost felt like everything was finally feeling like normal between them. As they began to make out, Xan lightly tapped Joey's shoulder. "There's like a 10% chance my mom is listening outside the door...so let's cool it for now." He laughed. The last thing he needed was to get walked in on the night of a family dinner.

JOEY: As they started to make out, Joey was happy that everything was okay between the two of them now. Sure, they still had some things to work out, but everything seemed to be going on the right path. As Xan patted him on his shoulder to stop kissing, Joey let out a small chuckle at what he said next, before shaking his head slowly. "Okay, okay, that's fair... Well, listen, at least we already went through that phase of meeting each other's parents, right? At least I think your mom likes me and your dad... I guess I'll just have to show up at your zumba class again so he likes me again." He said with a chuckle. "Can we at least cuddle?"

XAN: Xan tilted his head in a mix of agreement and surprise. That was definitely fair. Knowing each others parents would make that bit a little bit less awkward. "I'm pretty sure your dads like me too right? I'm hella charming and they were both warbler so..." Xan teased. He was sure if given the opportunity he and Blaine could could talk for hours about Warbler history. Xan gave Joey a nod and fell back onto the bed beside him, snuggling up close to him. "This is nice." He said gently.

JOEY: "Sometimes it's weird to think about that I'm the only person in my family that hasn't gone to Dalton... Besides my grandpa, I guess." Joey said with a small shrug, before he was snuggling Xan - it felt nice, but it was weird at the same time. Not that he was going to complain about it, he was thankful that he had figured things out with Xan before they completly stopped talking, it was just something Joey had to get used to. "It is... Feels kind of weird though, we're usually naked when we do this." He said with a chuckle.

XAN: Xan smirked to himself. He couldn’t even imagine Joey in a stuffy little dalton uniform. “I don’t think we would have ended up here if you were were a Dalton kid. No offense but in your case distance definitely made the heart grow fonder.” He teased. Xan laughed at Joey’s joke. Xan didn’t know if weird was the word he would use. “Once my mom knows about us we’re gonna be naked a lot less....at least in my room” he pointed out.

JOEY: "I look better in the Cheerios' uniform either way, so it's all good. Don't need to worry about that, I'm not going to Dalton anytime soon." Joey said with a small chuckle, before shrugging his shoulders and closing his eyes as he cuddled Xan. Once he heard Xan talk about his mom, he opened his eyes as he thought about it for a little. "Right... Well, what exactly are we though? Like, are we dating? Did this dinner count as a date? Does cuddling you like this count like a date? I'm just confused, that's all." He said with a small sigh.

XAN: Xan bit his lip when Joey asked to define what they were doing. He wanted to be Joey’s boyfriend...he just didn’t know if it was too soon for that. He decided to deflect the question instead of racking his brain for answers. He whispered in Joey’s ear, “I want whatever you want.” He kissed Joey’s neck gently. “But....i wouldn’t count dinner with my parents and sister as a date.” He joked.

JOEY: As he waited for Xan's answer, Joey sighed again as he thought even more about it. Maybe it was too soon to talk about all of this and maybe he shouldn't have asked, especially since Xan was taking too long to answer. As he heard the other whisper in his ear, Joey let out a small chuckle as he shrugged his shoulders. "I kind of want pancakes..." He said with a smile. "But listen, we can talk about this some other time, you know? Go on a couple of dates, you can buy me food and then we'll talk about it... Sounds good?" He asked.

XAN: Xan buried his head into his pillow to hide his laughter. Of course Joey wanted pancakes. He didn't feel to insecure about Joey not chomping at the bit to be with him. He figured it wouldn't be too long before things were official. "Sounds good." Xan said with a little bit of a nod. "Are you down to stop talking and just makeout now? I wanna get some kisses in before you leave."

JOEY: "Good, good... But just so you know, I can't have dates in Breadstix because I've been banned from there since sophomore year... But there are other places we can go." He said with a small chuckle, before nodding his head at the other's suggestion. He knew that the kisses was the best thing that he was going to get that night, but he wasn't complaining. "I'm always down for making out." He said, before pulling Xan into a kiss.

THE END.

[daomaikeng]

What is your take on HS1, FL & Walls being break-up albums, especially considering L is extremely honest with lyrics???

hi! i was so shocked when i saw this in my inbox, bc im not like an expert or anything and i’ve been here for hardly any time. i hope i don’t disappoint you tho sjaksj. reminder: this is just my opinion, based on what i’ve read from posts and what i gather from the lyrics. 

louis is very open with his feelings and i think he’s quite vulnerable with harry because they trust each other that they’re not gonna use the weaknesses against each other. many people think that two ghosts was about “the first time he broke up” with harry, but if you watch that video it’s pretty clear that harry was joking. i don’t think hl ever broke up, i don’t think they ever wanted to be with anyone else. two ghosts, something great and jalboyh were written around the same time, and tbh they’re so honest and raw it actually hurts me to listen to them. two ghosts is totally about them not being able to be public with their relationship and all the bearding and stuff (i can’t touch what i see=not being able to act like they did with the other boys bc there would always be tender touches accompanying them, because they weren't just bandmates, and fans would always spot them so hl were social distancing since 2013, bless them) (telling those stories we’ve already told, cause we don’t say what we really mean=harry being a “womanizer” and louis making fun of larries and pretending it’s a joke) and like, come on. harry was fucking nineteen at the time. i don’t think they ever anticipated all the bullshit and lies that came with the fame. he desperately needed louis to cling on, needed all the support he could geṭ. i hate that, it's so hard.

however, i do think they had some kind of altercation in 2017. now im just assuming, don't come at me. judging by the lyrics of always you (which was written in 2017) ("should have never let you go"=it's kind of like a breakup song, and like louis is regretting it). walls (the album) has been five years in the making, and im sure it's like a journey of their relationship, if that makes sense? too young is about how they didn't know they had everything and obviously they must have made some mistakes but it doesn't matter because they're still together, still going strong :') ("im sorry that i hurt you darling"=this just stands with my theory even though idk when exactly ty was written, i think louis wrote it after harry left="it felt nothing like home cuz you're not home"). now as much as i don't want to believe it, i think louis sort of said something to harry that he took personally and maybe their relationship was getting kind of tiring(?), what with dunkirk's promo and release and all, and maybe they needed a break for a while and that fight was the last straw? harry left i assume ("the day you walked away and took the higher ground") but im sure they were back together soon.

unpopular opinion: i hate hs1. im not a huge fan of harry's music, tbh. fine line was alright ig, lyrically i kind of liked it. i haven't really listened to hs1, apart from two ghosts, meet me in the hallway and two/three other songs i can't remember rn. therefore, i can't judge if hs1 was a break up album but ig they had to fit some lyrics to fit the public narrative? like louis including the uni line in wmi, like harry writing cherry. (there's a theory that harry wrote cherry about dylan rider and camille rowe) and i quite agree with it. on spotify, when you listen to fl, there's lots of bs about harry's writers helping him get over the "breakup" by writing songs, and tbh i think it's portrayed as a break up album on purpose? because larry for sure NEVER broke up. some sad parts might have been written during "the fight" period, as i call it, but again, this is just an assumption. please don't send me hate over this sjejej

i hope this made sense to you :)

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 34

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.7k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- note for this chapter: as usual, i realllly hate the ending. so im sorry about it. here are the ‘requests’ i added in this chapter

i will add more in future chapters so dont worry! i have like, 18 more in my inbox lol! so keep them coming! and i hope you like this chapter? i dont expect much notes or comments but please know i appreciate every single one of them! :)

Chapter 34 : His chapter

NIALL

I woke up before my alarm and even if it was still dark outside, I could still see the room clearly. She was deeply asleep next to me, her lips parted and lightly snoring, and it made an amused smile curl my lips before it turned into a fond one. I couldn't remember the last time I actually wanted a girlfriend. I know I had dated Maya but it was more a relationship that I felt trapped in. With Olivia, it was different. I wanted this, I loved it, and I was ready to let people know I was taken. That obviously didn't mean I was going to talk about it to everyone and publicly display my love and affection all the time, but I was okay with more things that I normally didn't agree with. I wanted this relationship to be discreet though and I was going to do anything I could to keep it that way. I thought it was the best way to save it and I didn't want to risk it, but I wouldn't deny or hide it.

I stared at my girlfriend for a few minutes and the thought of us being official made my heart thump all over my body. It was crazy yet it felt just right. I glanced at the large green-ish numbers on my clock and licked my lips, moving slightly closer to her and pressing my lips on hers.

"Liv? Wake up..." I whispered without success. "Olivia, our flight is in a few hours, we need to leave soon."

I put my hand gently on her arm and shook her softly but she didn't even budge and I decided to try a bit harder. It was always a pain to wake her up but I thought the alarm was just a bad way to get awaken.

"Petal, please wake up."

Her lips curled slightly this time and she groaned, I felt her legs move a bit and brush against mine and I licked my lips.

"Five more minutes." she mumbled low. "I was dreaming about you."

I let out a short and low laugh, leaning my head again my hand as I was still looking at her.

"No need to dream about me darling, i'm right here with you."

Her eyes fluttered open and I smiled more before she did the same. She brought her hand to my cheek and let her fingertips run on my skin and it reminded me that she had done the same at the lodge, one night. It was ridiculous that I had not noticed the way she looked at me before. How did I miss all of that?

I put my hand over hers, grabbing her fingers gently and bringing her hand to my lips before kissing her palm as I still stared at her. Her eyes were small and tired but the way she smiled at me was adorable and I moved closer to kiss her lips.

"Shower and dress up." I whispered, letting my lips brush on her jaw. "We don't wanna be late."

I pushed the covers off me and got up, searching through my drawers to find something to wear. I knew she would lay in bed for a while before actually getting up and I turned to look at her. She had barely moved. She was just staring at me and I rolled my eyes with a smile.

"What now?" I asked, making her smile more.

"Nothing." she simply answered in a whisper.

I waited a few seconds just staring at her and finally chuckled and walked to the bathroom. I left the door ajar and turned the shower on, checking the temperature of the water before getting in. I stayed under the hot stream for a while but when I heard a noise, I opened my eyes again and held my breath when I noticed Liv walked in. I tried to hold her gaze but I couldn't help and let my eyes roam on her body. She was tensed, that much was obvious, but I sent her a small smile, happy that she had joined me. I didn't say a word, I just got closer to her and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her closer gently. I felt her shiver in my arms and bent down to kiss her, my wet lips pressing firmly but still softly against hers. It took her a few seconds but she finally brought her hands to my hair, slipping her fingers in it and I let my fingertips brush on her lower back.

"I'm so happy you joined me." I just replied in a whisper before kissing her again. "Thank you."

I took a step back, pulling her with me until we were both in the water stream. I deepened the kiss as she gripped my hair tighter and when she moaned in my mouth, I felt her thigh brush against my dick.

"If we don't stop this now, i'm gonna expect more from you." I half-joked, making her laugh.

"Fine then."  she let go of my hair and her hands slid on my cheeks, neck, shoulders and chest before she dropped them by her sides, staring in my eyes the whole time. It made me want to fuck her more than I could explain.

To avoid getting harder than I was, I grabbed the shampoo and poured some in my hands before rubbing it in her hair. She smiled more but remained motionless as I washed her hair but I felt her hold her breath when my hands slipped on her shoulders and down to her breasts. I couldn't stop myself from touching her and it made me realize that she was the first girl i was dating with whom I hadn't had sex in the first week of being official.

My thumbs brushed on her nipples and my eyes followed my fingers until she sighed, making me look up at her. Her lips were parted and her chin was slightly up, making her head tilt back very lightly. I could understand why such a small touch made her feel like that because she barely had to touch me to bring inside me a feeling of intense lust. My hands slid on her sides and stopped on her waist, and I watched her as she licked her lips.

"We're gonna have to talk about that." she whispered, making the left corner of my lips raise up a bit.

"Why talk about it when we can just do it?"

She laughed again and shook her head. "Because there's so many things I want to know about you first." she explained, grabbing the shampoo too and pouring some in her hands. "And we never really finished that discussion now did we?"

I didn't move but she got on her tiptoe and started rubbing the shampoo in my hair, wiping some foam that threatened to fall in my eyes.

"I'll tell you everything you want to know." I replied, making her smile more. "You can ask me anything."

Before I knew it, we were dressed and ready. I was surprised at how quick she had been but when I came back to my room to grab the rest of the bags, I saw her brush her hair, looking at herself in front of the mirror. It made me grin and I just wrapped my arms around her waist from behind, leaning my chin on her shoulder.

"I thought you were ready." I pointed out, amused by her behavior.

"There will be fans, and paps, and I look like...this." she just replied with a grimace, pointing at her reflection.

My smile fell quickly. "No one knows we're leaving." I let out, trying to reassure her. "It'll most likely be only you and I."

"But you can't promise that, can you?"

I stared in her eyes in the mirror for a few seconds and finally shook my head slowly. She just sent me a sad smile and shrugged and it made me realize how much more complicated her life was because of me. I tried to keep things private exactly for that, whether it was my friendships or my relationships but Olivia was part of both now and even if I could say she was used to it, I couldn't pretend it was something you easily get used to, and I knew it would get even worse now that we were dating.

I moved my body up and put my hands on her shoulders, raising my eyebrows as I was still staring at her.

"You need to let go of that. You need to..." I shrugged a shoulder. "Build a wall and not let them destroy it."

I didn't want anyone to destroy and ruin what we had. I didn't want anyone to destroy or ruin her. I would fight for that, I promised myself. We stayed silent for a few seconds, just staring at each other in the mirror and she finally swallowed.

"That's what I did with you." she started, making me frown. "I built a wall that would hide the feelings I have for you... the love I felt for you. That way, I could pretend it wasn't there, that it wasn't hurting. But in the end, it was a lie, you know?"

Her voice was soft, almost weak, and it made something stir in my stomach. Slowly, I turned her around so she would face me and bent down slightly to look in her eyes. She looked vulnerable and it was not something I was really used to see.

"This is different." I tried to explain with the right words. "These people, they don't matter. You know what matters? This. What we have. You. You matter. Your feelings, your well- being. Them? Fuck them."

Slowly, her lips curled and she breathed out, making me smile too.

"Okay."

"Okay." I repeated. "I love you, and you're beautiful. They're not worth your stress and worries."

She cupped my face and got on her tiptoes again to kiss me. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the way her lips seemed to fit perfectly with mine. If I could take all her pain, fears and stress away, I would without a second thought, no matter what it would cost. She deserved to be happy and thinking that some people who didn't even know her could judge her so wrongly made me angry.

"I love you too."

Her soft voice eased my anger and I smiled against her lips. I just wanted us to enjoy our time together, especially knowing that I was leaving soon.

"Come on, we'll be late."

                                                      ------

The flight was short and I couldn't pretend I was surprised when she ended up sleeping pretty much the whole time. I enjoyed her head laying on my shoulder and literally spent the whole time on my phone, listening to music and holding her hand. I stared at our intertwined fingers for a long time, a very very long time, and let my thumb brush on her skin softly. I tried not to think about it but I was scared of this relationship and I knew it. I was scared of what it would do to our friendship and what would change between us. I knew it could go well but I also knew it could ruin everything and it was too late to go back. The thought of not being with her made my heart jump in my chest and I realized I was fucked. I loved her and no, there was no turning back. I would have to adjust with time and do everything for this to work to make sure I would never lose her.

When we landed, I took it back and chuckled before wiping the sweat on my pants and we got out in silence. I was happy we hadn't been papped at all but I didn't mention it not to jinx it and we took a cab. I could see her eyes shine as they roamed on the landscape moving quickly by the window and when I took a glance through it too, it made my heart skip a beat. There was something amazing and unique about going home, something that nothing else could make you feel.

"Home." Liv said in a whisper as if she could read my mind.

I searched for her hand on the seat and grabbed it, squeezing her fingers and realizing it was the very first time we were here together as a couple.

"Home." I repeated.

She turned my way and looked at me with tired eyes, making my heart twist slightly. She looked pretty and I brought my free hand to her cheek, running my thumb on her bottom lip.

"Hey you, I love you."

Her lips curled more and she chuckled low.

"I never thought i'd ever hear you say that." she pointed out. "I mean, not that way. It's hard to believe."

"Well you better believe it, because it's the truth." I argued with a small laugh. "You know I don't say those words lightly."

She nodded slowly and licked her lips.

"I know, I love you too."

I don't know how long we stared at each other but when the cab parked, i looked up only to see my mom's house. i couldn't remember the last time I came here but it was definitely way too long ago. I got out of the car and Liv did too before I could open the door for her. We grabbed our bags after I paid the driver and got up the stairs but when I reached for the bell, she gripped my wrist. I raised my eyebrows, looking at her fingers squeezing my wrist before turning my head to look at her.

"How are you gonna tell them? Are you gonna wait until everyone's there? Why didn't we discuss this before?"

Her voice was low but I could hear stress in her tone and I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle, shaking my head.

"It'll be okay petal, I promise."

It took a few seconds but she finally let go of me and I quickly rang the doorbell. We heard movements inside and the door swung open. I barely had time to see my mom before she pulled me into a hug, making me laugh again as I wrapped my arms around her.

"Hey mom, im happy to see you."

I rocked her a bit and she finally pulled away, bringing one of her hands to my cheek, tapping it softly and finally turned to smile at Liv. She pulled her into a hug too and I watched them until they both moved back at the same time. We finally walked in and I could feel Olivia nervous besides me. I was tempted to grab her hand but decided against it, knowing it would raise many questions.

"I'm so glad you could both visit for a few days!" my mom let out happily. "Olivia, how are your parents?"

"Oh." Liv let out, sending her a small but uncomfortable smile. "Last time I talked to them, they were good."

"We're going to see them too if we can." I explained, bringing our bags to my old room as they both followed me. "Hopefully before I leave."

"I prepared the guest room for you, Olivia. Unless you want us to move the mattress in Niall's room, like you two did when you were younger."

I didn't know if it was the memories or the thought of sleeping in the same room in my mom's house but I smiled and finally just chuckled.

"We'll decide that later." I just let out, glancing at my girlfriend who seemed extremely uncomfortable suddenly. "Liv and I are going for a walk if that's okay? We won't be too long."

"Okay, but don't be out too long. You both need to get ready, your father's supposed to be there in a few hours."

Liv smiled happily at me and we dropped everything before rushing out. The weather was not that great but it was not raining and I pushed my hands in my pockets, making sure I wouldn't be tempted to take one of hers.

"I can't wait for her to know and at the same time, It makes me extremely nervous."

I glanced at her and chuckled. "Yea, I noticed."

She turned to me and shook her head slightly. It was cold and her cheeks were a soft shade of red. Her hair was a bit messy under her beanie but she looked cute and I felt happy. It was special to see her in a place I was so used to see her, but in a different way. Now I didn't only see her as my best friend, I also saw her as my girlfriend.

"How can you be so calm about this?" she asked with a chuckle this time. "You're so annoying."

I laughed and shrugged as we arrived at a park. This time, I took one of my hands out of my pocket to grab hers, pulling her closer before making her twirl around again. She laughed and ended up in my arms, looking up in my eyes. She sighed, her lips curled into a fond smile, and I decided not to answer her question.

"You think your mom will let us sleep in the same room after we tell her we're dating?"

I grimaced and shrugged, pulling her closer to me.

"I don't know, it's not like we were 16 anymore, I think she knows how it works." I just said, my eyes suddenly getting smaller. "Why? You don't want our first time to be at my mom's place, do you?"

She grimaced but laughed and I raised my eyebrows, amused by the conversation.

"Such a little minx, I swear."

"Oh shut up Horan!" she  laughed even more. "You know that's not what I meant!"

"That's very, very naughty Liv." I added, ignoring her comments. "But I want you so bad I think I wouldn't be able to resist."

This time, she rolled her eyes and got out of my embrace, shaking her head as she took a few steps back slowly.

"You know it will never happen, Niall." she explained with a smirk. "Not here."

I remained motionless as I watched her move away from me and the sight of her in the park where we used to hang out made me happier than I thought it would.

"But when we get back home, you're all mine."

"Maybe."

"Maybe?" I repeated, raising my eyebrows.

"Maybe."

Her lips curled into a smirk and she raised her eyebrows, making me laugh. Suddenly, I started running after her as quick as I could and she let out a short scream as she started running too. It only took me a few seconds to catch her and I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her close to me as she was trying to escape.

"Fighting is futile, I won." I let out with a laugh, leaving a kiss on the skin of her neck when she stopped struggling in my arms.

She turned around and finally moved her arms around my neck, reaching for my lips. I let her kiss me softly and grabbed her bottom lip between mine, sucking gently on it and making her groan low.

"I loved you when we were kids and you pushed me on the swing." she whispered., brushing her lips against mine. "I loved you when we were a bit older and we'd play football until it was too dark to see the ball. I loved you when we were teens and we'd get drunk and lay down to watch the stars. I've always loved you, Niall."

All the memories rushed to my brain and I swallowed hard. I didn't see it, I never noticed, and I felt very stupid about it. How could I not realize that my own best friend, the girl I always hung out with, the one I spent all my time with... how did I not see that she was in love with me? How blind could someone be for not seeing something like that?"

"When did you start loving me?" I asked, feeling my heartbeats accelerate.

"That's the thing, Niall. I can't remember ever not loving you." she confessed.

I stared in her eyes and brushed my nose against hers. I had no idea what to say, I didn't know how to react or if I should apologize. All I could think about was how hard it must have been for her. I wouldn't have been able to keep my feelings a secret for that long and i had no idea how she managed it.

"Did you ever tell anyone?"

"Not until recently, and only because people had guessed it and asked about it."

I felt like sharing it would have made it easier for her, like it wouldn't have felt so heavy on her shoulders, but hearing that she kept it in for so long made me nibble on my bottom lip. How did she do that? And why?

My phone suddenly rang and let go of her to take it out of my pocket. I quickly read the text message and sighed. I felt like we had so many things to talk about and it seemed like we can't ever finish a conversation.

"My mom says it,s time we come home."

I looked up and she sent me a small smile before nodding.

"Let's go then."

                                                       -------

"Nervous?" I just asked, turning around when I heard her walk back in my room.

My eyebrows raised and a small smirk appeared on my lips. She shook her head and chuckled, walking past me and searching through her purse that she had left on my bed.

"Don't look at me like that, right now's not the time." she pointed out, taking a brush out and trying to do something with her hair. "And yes, i'm very nervous."

I finished buttoning my shirt and took a step closer to her without touching her.

"You look beautiful." I expressed in a low tone. "Don't be scared, it'll go well."

She turned around and our eyes met. She sighed and licked her lips, shaking her head slightly as I sent her a fond smile. She looked adorable and I grabbed her fingers, squeezing them lightly before raising my eyebrows and moving my chin slightly down.

"They've always considered you like their adopted daughter or something." I added just as low. "Relax, everything is okay."

She exhaled and closed her eyes for a few seconds before opening them again. I saw her shoulders fall as her body relaxed and it made me smile more. I bent down to press my lips on her, smelling her perfume, the scent of vanilla not only coming from her hair anymore. Someone knocked at the door and we both took a step back like some kids getting caught doing something they weren't supposed to. We smiled as the expression of surprise vanished from our traits and I pushed my hands in my pockets.

"Come in!" I let out, still staring at her until the door opened completely.

"Greg is here!"

I chuckled and we finally followed my mom downstairs and when Theo ran to me, I bent down to take him in my arms before greeting my brother and his wife. I vaguely heard him compliment Liv and we all ended up in the living room to discuss. Olivia tried to have a conversation with my nephew and I finally put him down only to watch him run to the tree to check all the gifts nicely wrapped in christmas colored papers. I wanted to tell everyone about us but it never felt like the right time and it's only when my dad arrived that we finally moved to the kitchen. We started eating and I kept glancing next to me, a bit worried about how much wine my girlfriend was swallowing.

"Easy." I whispered after getting a bit closer to her and grabbing her thigh gently. "I'll tell them now okay?"

I knew the wait was making her even more nervous and she quickly nodded, still staring at the food in her plate whom she hadn't even touched yet. I cleared my throat and put my fork down, one of my hands still on her thigh and the other on my glass of wine.

"Uhm, so I have something to tell you."

I felt Liv's hand over mine and it made me smile a bit. Everyone had stopped talking and they were now all staring at me except Theo who was playing with his food. I focused on him for a few seconds until Olivia squeezed my fingers, taking me out of my thoughts.

"So, I don't know how else to say it but," I glanced at my girlfriend and finally turned back, my eyes moving from my mom, to my dad and then my brother before finally going back to my mom. "Well, Olivia and I are dating."

My mom's lips curled into a large smile and it made me realize I had been holding my breath. I thought she'd tell me something but she just turned to my dad who sighed. He was not smiling at all and I frowned, wondering what the hell was happening in front of me. I watched as my dad groaned and picked something in his pocket. My lips parted a bit when he took a fifty pounds bill and held it between two of his fingers. My mom got up and snatched it from him, letting out a short laughter.

"I told you they'd spend all their time together on tour and it would happen!" she told my dad, completely ignoring me.

"He always spent all his time with her when they were kids and he never made a move!" he argued, moving closer to her, leaning a bit on the table.

"He grew up!"

"He's 22!"

I glanced at Olivia and noticed she was looking at my parents exactly the same way that I was : surprised and a bit shocked.

"Could you guys stop talking about us like that?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "We're right here."

My mom turned to me with a small smile and was about to say something but I just kept talking.

"I can't believe you guys made a bet."

"I can't believe you guys made a bet without proposing me to join!"

I turned to my brother and frowned at him, making him shrug with an amused smile.

"Son, I'm sorry, it was just a bet." my dad tried to explain in an apologetic tone.

"A bet that I won." my mom added with a chuckle before I turned to her. "Darling, it was so obvious to me that it's how it would end."

I let my eyes move on everyone in the room and I was astonished to realize that I was the only one who had not seen this coming. How have I been so oblivious? Olivia pressed my hand in hers again to catch my attention and I turned to her. The smile she sent me made me smile too and I shrugged a shoulder. I was not mad, just a bit surprised, and I finally chuckled.

"Then I guess it's time to congratulate us?" I proposed, raising my eyebrows, before smiling more.

Everyone got up and hugged us and as they were all discussing together and laughing, I decided that I was happy and that I wanted to remember this time as one of the happiest in my life. I sang for crowds, traveled the world and lived things that many people would never have the chance to live but at this exact moment, spending time with my family and the girl I loved seemed like the most important thing I ever did.

Olivia ended up in my arms and I held her close to me as everyone was sitting back at the table to finish eating. I closed my eyes and brushed my nose on her neck gently, trying to focus on this specific moment.

"I love you." I whispered. "I will always love you."

[normal-thoughts-official]

At what exact moment do you think malec fall in love?that moment in 1×06 when Magnus uses Alec's strength and then falls down exhausted? It's such an underrated moment but one can write a whole essay on it

as a matter of fact, yes, i do believe it was the moment in 1.06 (there is a reason it is my header, after all) and im really glad u asked because its one of my favorite moments and Ive been thinking of making a post about it in forever but never got to it so [cracks knuckles]

well, actually, i think 1.06 was the moment magnus fell in love. i dont know when alec fell in love, to be honest - i think with him, it was just something that kind of settled and clicked into place, you know? there was that attraction and there was the fact that magnus was an amazing person who had amazing chemistry with alec and who fought for him and extended his hand and tried to comfort him without judgement when no one would really allow him to be himself - and who gave him a space to be more of him than any other. but i dont think there was a precise moment when it hit Alec, and suddenly he had fallen; i think he realised he loved magnus when he said he loved him, but at that point it was already cemented. alec is a steady, careful guy; when he falls, he falls hard and becomes an absolute imbecile but until then it kind of settles in slowly, lodges itself inside of him until its carefully in place, and he doesnt really know when it happened. honestly, i relate to that because that's how it works for me, too.

but with Magnus, it was a little different - he had closed himself off from love for centuries, and while obviously he only fell in love with alec because he was already on the pathway to recover and had been for a while now, sure and steady (alec is definitely the right person for him, but he also came at the right time, cuz if he hadnt Magnus wouldnt really be able to allow himself to give in to the obvious pull they had), breaking that kind of wall is hard and is, for many people, something that happens suddenly, all at once, like the crash of a tsunami wave; it kind of isnt there until it suddenly is, flooding out and filling you. and with magnus that's definitely what happened; he had a click moment, when suddenly his walls were down and he found himself feeling, despite himself

you can see a clear difference in how magnus treats alec in 1.04-05 and how he does in 1.06. in 1.04-05 hes flirty, yes, obviously interested, but hes doing it teasingly, playfully, confident in a way that is only possible when theres not much on the line. don't get me wrong, i dont think he was using alec or lying to him - that's not the kind of person Magnus is at all - i just think that it was harmless flirting and interest with not much at stake. he was keeping his kind of playboy, devil-may-care persona (with the exception of the moment when he told alec there was nothing to be ashamed of, because of course magnus "compulsive emotional support" bane would immediately drop the act when he sees someone struggle. ugh. and alec notices this, too, all right, he can see right through to the person magnus really is in that moment, even if he closes himself off). and that wasnt even just in front of Alec; the whole "playing hard to get, i love a challenge" thing was after alec had hung up, there was no one there, he was just talking to himself the dumb dork and it is clear there is not much at stake for him here; he isnt in love, so theres no chance of heartbreak

compare that to the way he acted during drinks with Alec in 1.06. its a completely different person. even in his posture, the way he looks at Alec and moves around him, his facial expressions, theres a softness and vulnerability that just wasnt there at any point before (did yall thank Harry Shum Jr for ur rights today? seriously the man is such a great actor his talent is unbelievable). and for magnus to allow himself to be vulnerable- well, that's big. that's what he was scared of, after all. that's what has brought him hurt and made him swear off romantic relationships for so long

and he says this; he opens up to alec, a person he barely knows, tells him a little about his past, tells Alec hes unlocked something in him. it's not harmless flirting anymore, its not just a mere pursuit of someone hes casually interested in; theres something way, way deeper going on, and this is abundantly clear throughout the whole scene and every single one of magnus' actions. magnus has fallen. this is serious now; hes feeling things he didnt even remember how to, and his entire demeanor changes.

and look, that's really important to me, okay, because i hate the whole love at first sight thing. so when i started watching sh, i was kind of turned off from malec because i was like "oh theyre gonna suddenly fall in love for no reason" but no. that's not what happened. they had attraction, and chemistry, yes, for sure, definitely, but the feelings that sparked inside of them were very much real and solid and built organically, even if quickly. malec is so powerful because their attraction and devotion to each other makes sense, and because their relationship is so trusting, happy, fun, and healthy.

so lets go to 1.06 - the defining moment, the big game changer for the both of them. i know the exact milisecond magnus falls in love - its this one

(gif isnt mine, i had it saved on my phone and dont remember who made it; if you do, please let me know so i can credit them)

bitch, you are seeing it happen!!! you're watching it, right now!! the way he looks up and his whole face changes; he goes from heavy breaths to these little puffs of air, looks up at alec in awe, and it's all over his face, the softness in his features, the open vulnerability hes showing for the very first time in the entire show - even when he was almost running out of magic, he still looked way more put together than he does in this moment; in here he is open, he has no masks, and hes absolutely soft and open and vulnerable. and you can see it dawn on him too, the realisation that he let alec in, just late enough for it to be too late. it's done. god, i cant fucking believe harry shum jr invented acting. like holy shit, dude

and alec sees it too; in this moment he looks down and he sees the vulnerability in magnus' face and he knows this is the real magnus; that's what he looks like without all the walls and masks, and it's just- beautiful. incredible. you can see the love and the softness inside of him and it's just so easy to find a home in those eyes of his, and ugh, i might be changing my mind, this was the moment alec fell in love too

but anygays, why now, right? what was the big gamechanger in this scene?

well, first of all, id like to stress again, just for good measure, that magnus was already well on his path to recovery from abuse and beginning to open up again; his journey through finding self love and strength to stand on his own feet and be able to open himself for others is his and his alone. alec could be his perfect match (and he is) (fuck it i dont care they are perfect for each other, i never really thought there was such a thing even in fictional couples but shit dude they really are as perfect as it gets, malec truly invented love its unbelievable) and it still wouldnt matter if magnus wasnt ready not only to open up, but to get in a relationship as his own person, and not putting himself down like with camille. of course, he still has a long way to go, and recovery is not a straight line, so he still does things like not tell him when hes hurt and downplay his own pain so as not to "annoy" him or whatever, but he is on equal ground. the very first thing that happens when they finally get together (after the whole wedding ordeal) is, they fight. because alec was being an asshole and treated magnus badly and was really rude and magnus was hurt and he was tired of always being the one to chase after Alec, and he told him that. that's extremely important, because it establishes that Magnus isnt just running after Alec or doing anything for him - he wants a mutually fulfilling relationship and hes willing to fight for it, demand it, not accept less than it. and that's fucking recovery right here, folks. it's so hard for previously abused people to do that. so hard. it still is hard for him, but hes doing it. so, again: Magnus' journey to opening up and finding space for a healthy relationship in his life is his and his alone. and they were lucky as shit to have met when they did.

so, with that being said: 1.06 (god, this answer is such a mess, im ndjdjdidicn). you can see magnus fall in love, right then and there. the moment it happens: when he falls, and realises Alec is still holding him, making sure hes steady. not just that, but holding his hand (despite that being totally unnecessary now), and asking him if he's okay.

it's really unsubtle symbolism (and i mean that in the best possible way): Alec holding him when he fell symbolizes support; holding his hand symbolizes caring, because he could just hold him as to not let him fall, but the fact that hes holding his hand shows that hes trying to support him not just physically, but emotionally; and asking if hes okay shows genuine worry and desire to listen to his needs. again, really unsubtle; but fuck it, that's also part of what makes it powerful, because when was the last time magnus had that, that open caring and supporting and reaching out for him? i mean, obviously Magnus has his friends who are amazing and great to him, but this feeling, of being cared for, so easily, so openly, so obviously, from someone who barely knows him, hell, from a shadowhunter - this is new. both because he hasnt really allowed it - after all, you need to fall for someone to catch you - and because he just. hasnt had that. every time before, when he showed vulnerability, he had his wounds open wide and used against him - with asmodeus after his mom, with Camille after whatever happened that made him consider suicide. and then suddenly this guy shows up, and Magnus didnt even mean to be vulnerable in front of him, not really, he was supposed to hold it, but he does and what he finds is just- caring. worrying. sweetness. a grounding presence and touch. alec is completely focused on him, and isnt rushing him to get back on his feet or anything - hes just holding him and being there for him. he wasnt even looking for it, and suddenly there it is - that trust and reciprocity hed been craving for so long.

and yeah, its unsubtle, but that's also there in more subtle ways; magnus asks for his help, and alec comes without questioning, even if he's mad with pretty much everyone involved. he asks Alec to give him his strength, and he does, openly, without walls - dude, that is so intimate, and you can see how easily the magic flows between them; that's something that can only happen so smoothly if the required trust is given without a second thought. alec is giving his life force to this guy, whom he barely knows, and he doesnt hold back at all - Magnus needs it, he gives it. easy, simple. trusting. an open, clear connection. hes worried about Magnus from the start; he gets in and his first reaction is yelling for magnus and kneeling beside him to make sure hes okay. hes already kind of holding magnus even before magnus falls; he puts himself in a position where hes kind of supporting magnus' weight, and just focuses on giving magnus what he needs. up to this point no one even bothered to ask magnus what he needs. and look, Alec isnt perfect, and he definitely still has his prejudices and ignorance at this point, but this is something special. having someone just give it their all to make sure ur okay, from the get-go, trusting you like that- that's not everyday. specially not for magnus. I think maybe Magnus wouldnt even have lowered his guard enough to have that stumble if Alec hadnt been so easily showing him hes in there together with him, as equals, without so much as a second thought- magnus' persona is polished. hes been through worse without stumbling both before and after. his guard was already down, because Alec had been showing himself to be trustworthy from the start.

and after that, it just keeps going. alec helps him clean up his apartment, without being asked, long after everyone else has already gone - he listens to Magnus talk about his past, attentively, without judgement. he even shows some vulnerability of his own - that fucked-stupid smile when magnus raised his hand to his lips, the glances he throws magnus' way, the way he even manages to talk a bit about his insecurities and confusion; hes opening himself up to Magnus, too. hes smitten. hes interested. the connection is established. he stays the night, and they end up talking all night long, despite the fact that Alec was called to work, and we dont even know about what. we know they are similarly competitive and have a good chemistry, so clearly this was a good, fun talk; but theres something running way deeper in there, too. magnus is showing alec a lot of himself, and alec is not only welcoming it, but reciprocating it as best as he can. that moment of spark isnt gone; it keeps growing, the bond that was formed gets stronger. at this point, Magnus has fallen (i firmly believe that he fell in that exact moment he looked up at Alec) but it gains shape and strength during that night and talk; its a little frustrating because Alec cant face what he wants, but the pull is real and strong enough for it to get stronger, the shapes clearer.

so- yeah. Magnus fell for Alec in 1.06, the moment he realised that he was willing to have his back, to see him as he was and welcome it and treat it with care; and to give him back in return. Magnus fell for Alec when he realised that, somehow, he had already formed the beginnings of a bond with him - the kind that's solid, that means trust and care and effort while also being easy, fun, nice. alec fell for magnus when he looked at him and saw someone that was also struggling with showing who he was, but who wasnt scared; someone who was kind, and good, and willing to listen to him and try to help him and who valued him. and that is so. fucking. important.

[luobingmeis]

For the fluff/angst prompt thing, 85 and/or 40 for fargo? 🥺🥺

A/N: anon thank you for my life these prompts are a gift and i would lay down my life for you……………… i’m still playing around with ship dynamics and grad characterization but this was a lot of fun!!!! and also this feels a lot more pre-fargo still in that “what are we” stage

post-writing note: i ended up not being able to fit #40 in, but i still hope you enjoy!!! ....... might try to find another fic to work that prompt into

(also just thought i’d say to the general public that, while im doing a lot of taz grad shipping w/ fitzroy/rainer and fitzroy/argo, i am not looking to force anyone to ship anything nor am i looking to start any “””ship wars””” omg, this is all just for fun!!!!)

(so anyways!!!!)

——————————–

85) “Don’t lie to me.”

——————————–

Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt, Knight in whatever-the-fuck in the Realm of It-Doesn’t-Fucking-Matter-Right-Now was an idiot. A fucking idiot. Only he would get himself stabbed on a mission miles away from the school. Only he would run into the fray of chaos to stop it. 

Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt was an idiot and a bad villain.

But Argo wasn’t panicking. Not panicking at all. 

He was just near dragging Fitzroy down a dark, damp alley as blood seeped through his robes and into Argo’s own tunic. Which would be a bitch to get out. Blood always was. But it was okay. Fine, even! Because Bud had been able to heal Fitzroy… kind of. Not much, because spell slots were an issue, but, hey! It was probably enough to keep Fitzroy from bleeding out within the hour! 

And, yeah, they were supposed to be trying to work out a deal with two rivaling guilds and not getting ambushed by a group of bandits larger than the party they came with, but it was all good! And, sure, Rolandus, Rainer, and Bud might have had to run distraction while Leon and Buckminster try to get in contact with the school’s emergency hotline, and Argo might just be getting more and more lost as he pulled Fitzroy’s semi-conscious body through streets that he already didn’t know, but it was fine!

Completely, and totally, and absolutely, and… and…

Fuck, why did he have to get hurt?

“Argo,” Fitzroy, voice strained, managed out. He was barely walking already but, even so, his feet stumbled over each other and Argo had to secure him tighter. “Wait… hold on…”

Argo wanted to deny him, wanted to say that they needed to keep moving, needed to get somewhere they knew, but he looked down at Fitzroy’s grimace and the sweat on his brow, and found that he couldn’t.

“Okay, okay,” Argo said quickly, his eyes darting around for anything that could support Fitzroy, though the sentiment was short-lived as Fitzroy began to become dead-weight in his arms. “Okay, wait, wait, wait-” And, as carefully as he could (and trying to still his shaking hands), he helped lower Fitzroy down onto the cobblestones and watched him wince as he leaned back against the wall “-I, uh, are you- where does it hurt?”

Fitzroy, as Argo kneeled down in front of him, shot him a tired, pained grin. “What d’ya mean? I’m doing just fine.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Argo hissed, flashing his eyes from Fitzroy’s face to the ever-growing dark patch on his shirt. He ghosted his hand over it, wanting to see the damage but too scared to face it. “Not-” He cleared his throat, shaking his head “-not here.”

Fitzroy watched his face and, after a moment, let his head fall back against the brick wall as his eyes slipped shut. “Everywhere.” He swallowed thickly. “But maybe I’m just dramatic.”

“We already know that,” Argo murmured, hands moving to the buttons at Fitzroy’s collar and then freezing. It was silly, almost: Fitzroy was wounded and bleeding before him, yet Argo froze to unbutton his shirt, but-

“It won’t be a pretty sight,” Fitzroy said.

“Is this okay?” Argo asked, quietly.

Fitzroy nodded.

Argo was careful. He had to be; tact was integral in his line of work before the school, both in stealing and in patching up his own wounds, but now he found himself praying that his hands were defter, gentler.

Leave it to fucking Fitzroy Maplecourt to turn him gentle.

He had been right, though: it wasn’t a pretty sight.

The biggest problem was the actual stab wound in the left side of his stomach. Not particularly large and, wracking his brain, Argo couldn’t think of any organs that the wound would’ve hit (plus, Bud’s healing probably helped in that aspect), but, nonetheless, the wound was still bleeding much more than probably wanted. The rest of his stomach and chest, though, was marked with slash wounds, all varied in length and depth, and even some bruising already beginning to purple along his side.

“Shit,” Argo whispered.

Fitzroy was caught somewhere between a smirk and a grimace. “So, what’s the verdict, doc?”

“That you’re an idiot,” Argo said, though he was already tearing off parts of his own tunic for make-shift bandages. “Fucking villain rushing in to de-escalate a situation. That’ll show up in your report card, don’t you think?”

“Good to know that you care, Argo.” Fitzroy hissed as Argo pressed a bandage to the deepest wound, and Argo tried to not think about it too much.

Of course I do, Argo said, except it came out as, “Well, first time for everything.”

His relationship with Fitzroy was complicated, as most things involving Fitzroy were. The two cared for each other more than either would admit, not necessarily out of pride, but out of the rocky road it took to get them there. Working through their rivalry and stubborness had taken time, taken work, but, before long, Argo found himself willing to do what it takes to help Fitzroy, and, well…

Fitzroy threw himself into the bandits after one barely missed Argo with a throwing knife.

It was a devotion that the school almost expected of them: kicks and henches throwing themselves forward in defense, heroes and villains throwing them into the midst of it all for some big showdown. And, in practice, it was fun. The three of them laughed when Bud used his imposing form to simply block the two of them when Rattles rushed them with a dulled rapier. Argo found joy in sneaking around corners to catch Rainer and Fitzroy off guard in practice scrimmages, only for them both to laugh as Fitzroy charged him and missed at the last moment.

Practice was always fun.

It was when it was real, when there were no do-overs, that Argo realized it wasn’t always such. Maybe Fitzroy did, too. Maybe they realized, too, that the two of them—three of them—were stronger fighting together instead of letting one take the brunt of the damage.

Hell, Argo didn’t want Fitzroy to get hurt while rushing in for some final showdown.

Maybe Fitzroy didn’t want Argo sacrificing himself to take the damage, either.

As Argo’s hands finished tying a secure knot in the make-shift bandage, Fitzroy watched his movements. Even though blood still seeped through, he hoped that it was enough to slow it. All he could do was hope.

“It’s a knight thing,” Fitzroy said, tired, and Argo eyed him, confused. "Rushing into battle. I’m trained to protect people, so... that’s what I did.”

“That’s some pretty sidekick thinking for a villain.”

Fitzroy laughed slightly before quickly, painfully, catching himself. “Well, maybe those stupid human shield games stuck.”

Argo, barely managing a smile, shook his head. “You… you didn’t have to do that. You’re hurt now and… you’re gonna be fine, we’ll find the others, but… you’re hurt.”

“I know,” Fitzroy said. “But…” He released a breath and let his head fall back again. “I just couldn’t hold myself back. They attacked first, attacked you first, and I just…”

Argo wanted to say that he could handle himself, but he knew that wasn’t the point Fitzroy was making.

“Well, thanks,” Argo said. “But next time you’re about to go rushing in, at least give us a warning? A codeword, perhaps?”

“Come up with a cool pirate one and we’ll be golden.”

Argo nodded and, worrying his bottom lip, studied Fitzroy quickly. He was still looking a little pale, and his eyes were scrunched up tight, but his breathing was decently okay, and-

“I can feel you staring,” Fitzroy murmured. “My half-elf senses are tingling.”

“That makes no sense,” Argo mumbled, but didn’t deny it.

Fitzroy cracked an eye open. “Thank you, though, Argo,” he said. “For… helping me.”

Complicated or not, whatever their relationship was, first and foremost, Fitzroy was one of his two closest friends at Wiggenstaff’s, and the last thing he wanted was for his friends to be hurt.

Argo flashed a smirk. “Is that a proper honoring from Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt?”

“Think of it as me, Fitzroy, your roommate, your-” Their eyes, for just a second, caught each other “-friend, appreciating what you’ve done for me.”

Seeing Fitzroy pained like this, vulnerable like this, made Argo realize that he wanted two things: something more, and to never see Fitzroy hurt again.

Argo felt his face heat up, and was almost thankful of the darkness for hiding his flushed face before remembering that Fitzroy had darkvision.

“Well, of course, Fitzroy,” Argo said. “I would never leave you.” He swallowed, his eyes quickly darting around the alley. “Not to bleed out, that is. Or be stabbed by a bunch of sneaky bandits.”

Fitzroy cracked a smile and opened his mouth to say something before he was interrupted by a voice calling out, “Argo! Fitzroy!” which was followed by another saying, quieter, “Where the fuck could they have gone?”

Argo, nearly unable to measure how relieved he was, called back to Buck and Rolandus, “We’re over here!”

“Oh thank god,” Fitzroy breathed out and, at the thought of being able to return to the school, he seemed to sag further against the wall, almost as if he had been trying to hold himself together up until this point.

“You’re hurting, aren’t you?” Argo asked, quietly.

“Terribly so,” Fitzroy whispered. Footsteps, not too far away, could be heard hitting the pavement.

“We should probably get you up, though,” Argo said, feeling ready to hoist Fitzroy over his shoulder and walk back to campus if it was needed. “We… we have to get moving.”

Fitzroy sighed but, upon Argo standing, accepted his outstretched hand, and let himself be helped.

[askthiscpblog]

Kay, Katie and Ruby pls

Part 1

A dim light was all that illuminated the room that Katie was in. A room that she didn’t recognize. She had woken up not even a few minutes ago, not knowing how long she had been unconscious. Her first instinct was to get up and get out, but the minute she tried to move she realized something was stopping her. Katie was unable to move, and it only took her a second to realize it was because she’s strapped down. She pulled as hard as she could to slip out of them, but it was no use.

“Fuck….” She mumbled under her breath. She tried to look at her surroundings but between the dim lighting and her bad eye, she couldn’t see much. She had nothing else to do but lay there and contemplate what to do next.

Ruby had started to wake up soon after, a small groan escaping her lips. Her red eyes fluttered open, her vision overrun by dark spots. Once her eyes adjusted, she looked around, noticing she was in an unfamiliar place. When she tried to sit up, she noticed that she too was strapped down, which made her frown. She pulled against her restraints as she tried to remember what happened and why she was there. She lifted her head to look down at the straps holding her down. She tried to push herself up, using her arms, but it didn’t change anything, she was still strapped up. Her ears twitched, picking up a sound- breathing. She turned her head, her neck cracking a bit, because of the uncomfortable position.

Katie’s patience was wearing thin. So was her calm demeanor. She hated the fact she’s trapped, and the feeling of vulnerability. Katie didn’t care how she got there, all she knew is that she wanted out. Now. She started pulling on the straps some more, putting herself into an angry panic more and more. She continued to swear under her breath, making small threats towards whoever put her here. Her breathing was getting louder as she kept on using all her strength to get out of the straps but to no avail. She stopped struggling with a loud sigh. “Son of a bitch!” She said, almost yelling. She’s frustrated, and now her arm’s tired. All the possibilities of how this was going to end for her ran through her head, making her anxiety grow.

“Will you keep it down? I’m trying to work.” A calm male voice spoke out close by.

She froze at the sound of the voice. She was so focused on getting free that she didn’t notice anybody else was there. It wasn’t a voice that she recognized or had even heard before, but she had a feeling that he was the reason she’s strapped down.

“Let me go…” Her voice was stern. She didn’t know this person, so what could he want with her?

“Keep fighting and you’ll only going to make your head trauma worse.” Footsteps were heading her way.

“I wouldn’t be fighting if I wasn’t strapped down…” She tensed at the sound of the man getting closer. She would usually be more resistant, but something told her that she wasn’t in a good position to mock the man.

“Well, after your fight with Hoodie, and an attack going on, I’m taking precautions.” She saw a figure with a blue mask come into view and they had a black substance leaking from the eye holes looming down on her.

“How are you feeling?” He asks.

She remembered what had happened. That “Hoodie” guy had knocked her out. How he did, she couldn’t remember but all she knew now is that she didn’t like him.

“Sore…” She replied in a reluctant tone. She didn’t like complying with strangers, especially not ones that wear masks, but what else could she do at this point? Besides, he somewhat creeped her out anyway. 

“Expected. Taking a round in the head would do that even if it was rubber… oh, my manners. They call me E.J. I’m the doctor of the house…” he looked up for a second and continues, “Looks like your roommate is awake as well.” E.J. huh? At least he’s somewhat polite, something Katie didn’t encounter in people nowadays. Then she realized what he said. She looked at him, confused.

“…Roommate? I have a roommate?”

“Yes. She is an odd one. She gave Hoodie’s partner a hard time- and he is the vicious one of the two.” He walked over to check on Ruby.

Ruby had been quiet the whole time, but her heart beat fast. She closed her eyes tight and took a deep breath. When strapped down like this reminded her of her past. She couldn’t let that get to her, she had to figure out why she was here. She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at EJ. She squinted her eyes a bit, trying to get her vision to focus. A growl threatened to escape her. Ruby was quiet, her heart pounding. She took a deep, shaky breath; her chest heaved up and down. Being strapped like this did remind her of her past- it made her feel vulnerable.

Her head was a jumbled mess as she remembered what happened with Masky, which meant she wasn’t listening to their conversation. Her eyes darted towards EJ once the sound of footsteps made it to her ears. She squinted her eyes a bit, trying to get her vision to focus. E.J. was now hovering above her saying, “And how are you feeling, miss? And calm yourself. This is only a safety precaution.”

While EJ checked on that other girl, Katie laid there, trying to see her surroundings now. Like before, she couldn’t see much due to her eye, but now her eyes were more adjusted to the dark. The place seemed a little old. So, did the straps holding her down. Couldn’t be too old if they could still manage to hold down a full-grown woman, though. Also, how can this guy see what he’s doing? It’s not pitch black but, damn, it’s still hard to see. How could a doctor work in the dark?

Ruby stared up at the male, her chest still heaving up and down. Who was he to tell her to calm down, especially when she was being held down by straps?!

“I’m feeling wonderful!” she said, her voice almost coming out as a growl. Whoever he was, she didn’t trust him.

“A safety precaution for you or for me?” She asked while glaring up at him.

He responded with a simple word, and without hesitation, “Both.” He went to grab something, continuing, “You two caused quite a hassle for the duo.” He walked back to Ruby and injected something into the vein of her arm without even aiming.  She wiggled under the straps when he was about to inject her. As the needle entered her arm, a low growl escaped past her lips.

“There. That should help calm you down a bit.” He then sat the beds up. They had a better view of the room, now, and could see each other on opposite sides of the room. She continued to wiggle around, trying to get free as EJ put their beds into a sitting position. Katie looked at the other girl across the room, watching her try to get away from EJ and the needle he was holding. At least the other girl wanted out too.

“How long are we going to be here for?” Katie had stuff to do, people to get rid of. She didn’t have the time to sit around, strapped down.

He wasn’t even looking at her. “You can relax. That was only Benzodiazepines. The only reason you two are strapped is as I said. We got attacked, and I’m making sure you two are not with him.”

He seemed to hear the question and responded, “Depends on what the boss says but don’t worry. I’m sure there will still be people for both of you to kill if we let you go.” His voice had not altered in any way. It was calm…too calm as if he didn’t see them as a threat. He walked around the room, moving stuff around, not even looking. At times he stopped to tap or smell something.

Katie didn’t like this guy’s calm demeanor. The way he treats this like an everyday situation ticked her off for some reason. What made her madder was how unsettling he was. He wasn’t trying to, but the was so calm and collected gave Katie a weird feeling. She hated it.

“Working with who now?” Katie was generally confused about who he was talking about. She hadn’t worked with anybody in a while. Ruby stopped struggling, her breathing slowing down a little bit. She watched his every movement, her eyes never leaving his calm form. His reply confused her more, who was this him?

“An old rival to the boss. I’m not allowed to say his name, for he can hear it, and gains power from it. Based on your tone and heart rate, you really don’t know him… good.” He went over to her and put a cuff with a chain on Katie’s leg, then undid the straps on her body. Still not even hesitating.

“Would you like some water?” He then looks at Ruby, asking, “Would you like some too?”

“Yeah…sure….” Katie was hesitant to say yes. Sure, he was being nice, but that could change in an instant. She rubbed her wrists. They were a bit bruised from when she pulled on the straps. He got a bottle of water from a fridge nearby, as well as ointment and bandages. He then started patching up the bruises right away. Ruby pulled her legs closer to her body, glaring at him as he undid her straps. Ruby had heavy bruising by struggling so much. She didn’t reply; she didn’t trust him, so she sure as hell didn’t want water from him.

“You girls have names?”

“Katie, my name’s Katie…” She took a quick drink of water and looked at the other girl seeing if she was going to answer. She was being pretty uncooperative so far so Katie wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t answer.

She stayed silent for a few seconds, debating if she should tell him her name. 

“Its… Ruby…” she finally responded

“So, since you know we’re not working with that guy you were talking about, can we leave?” As nice as this EJ guy was, Katie still wanted to leave. She hates being cooped up in one place and being told what to do and where she could or couldn’t go. Having someone else have control over her in any form gave her anxiety.

“Like I said, not my call. You two could be sleepers for all I know.” He got up and started heading towards Ruby’s directions to treat her wounds. Her ears twitched a bit. She didn’t feel like talking much, but she was curious to know more about this him.

“Sleepers…?” She watched him walk towards her, still watching his every movement. She was much calmer now, but she was still uneasy. Especially when she was being held hostage against her will. Ruby beat her to the question. Almost every time this guy spoke a new question would come up. Once Ruby asked, Katie, looked towards EJ, awaiting an answer. After he was done, he got up, his head popping up as well. He started to leave the room.

“I’ll be back with the boss. You two hang tight.”

[senstia]

Nessian Fic post acofas

This is my first fic so please enjoy and no hate please!! Smut and fluff are involved!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Cassian

I’m tired. Tired in my heart and in my bones and for once I can’t muster the strength to joke. Being in the Illyrian mountains with Nesta caused a whole host of trouble, not to mention the fighting, oh did she love to fight, and she loved to shut me out too.

In the beginning it was unbearable, to see her so broken, so empty. It felt like someone was putting a knife in my gut every time I looked at her. But over the months we have been here she has settled, still healing, but there is a new calmness in her I’ve never seen before. Not that she would ever talk to me about any of it, not that she would ever let me in. The steel in her heart runs deep, the fire in her soul burns bright and i’ve yet to get through it. I haven’t tried to touch her, haven’t tried to get close, even though every part of me is yearning for her; mind, body, and soul.

The verbal sparring matches with her are always quite entertaining, it is so fun to bait her, see that fire glow in her eyes when I say the right thing to make her see red. Oh fighting with Nesta can be fun. But sometimes when our breath becomes ragged from yelling at each other so much and we both have to take a breath, I see it flash in her eyes, quick as a lightning strike. The emotion, Feyre’s words flash through my mind,

“I think Nesta feels everything—sees too much; sees and feels it all. And she burns with it. Keeping that wall up helps from being overwhelmed, from caring too greatly.”

I can see the feeling come in waves through her eyes when she’s too tired or angry to hide it. I want to beg her, beg her to let it out. I want her to let that wall down, I want to tell her that she should feel everything, she should care, she should let it burn and let it burn bright. But I never do, and that cold wall snaps back up in her eyes and she walks away, she always walks away from me and I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

But today I am too tired to fight for her to let me in when I can barely keep myself from drowning. Azriel is gone on a mission, Mor is at the Court of Nightmares and Feyre and Rhys are keeping Elain company is Velaris and I don’t want to trouble anyone with my own personal emotional breakdown. Nesta is all I have and she couldn’t care less if I lived or died, at least that’s what she tells me day after day.

Sometimes it haunts my nightmares, that day when she was human, when my mouth was on her neck and her scent was the only thing that mattered, but that was a lifetime ago and neither of us are the same people we were then. War changes people and Nesta is finally coming out of her emptiness. I’m so happy that being in the mountains has helped her. For a while I thought I wouldn’t be able to pull her out of that cold, empty hole she buried herself in. But of course I didn’t pull her out. She did. My- no not my- strong Nesta dragged herself into the light wearing illyrian leathers and fire in her eyes and I knew she was ready to fight for herself again, for her happiness and healing, but I was no part of it, I never would be, and that fact terrifies me more than anything.

Whenever she gets tired of hearing me talk, tired of listening to me try to get some scrap out of emotion out of her she walks away and there’s nothing I can do about it. Once that wall goes up there is nothing to be done to get it down again.

I’m hoping she ignores me completely right now because i’m too tired to fight her and maybe I’ve stopped caring, stopped caring about the fact that she holds my heart in her hands and doesn’t even know it or care to know it, the fact that my heart feels as if it’s going to explode every time she gets close, even if it’s just to scream in my face, maybe I just don’t care, for now at least.

Nesta

My throat is burning and every muscle in my body is sore but my heart is awake. For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel empty anymore. My nightmares are still there but they don’t consume me in the way that they used to. I can always feel the power thrumming in my veins but it has slumbered in me recently, like it is finally content.

Being forced to the illyrian mountains made me see red for a long time and Cassian was always there for me to let my anger out. He never faltered, never flinched, insult after insult I would hurl at him and he took it, he took all of it. No male every affected me the way he does, he gets under my skin in a way that terrifies me and coldness and anger is the only defense I have against him. But no matter how cold I am, no matter what I say or what I do, he looks at me with those hazel eyes and he sees me. Right through the mask I wear, to the broken soul underneath. He sees through every word I say and every facial expression I make and it is terrifying.

Vulnerability is something that I do not tolerate and Cassian strips me bare. And when i’m too tired to keep that mask up and he sees the emotion in my eyes, if just for a second, he doesn’t look afraid, he looks at me with hope in those hazel eyes and every time he does my heart almost shatters into a million pieces.

Then there’s other times when we are silently eating or he is in the sparring ring and I am not, when I watch him. The way he moves, the way he looks, the way he talks, I find it fascinating to watch him and I realize that I could watch him forever and I think I would like that very much. But he can never know that because if he knew that somehow over these months I have come to like his company, to trust him and rely on him, maybe even love him if I dared, then he would have the power to shatter me completely and I don’t think that is something I can live with, that sort of vulnerability.

I’m in the mood to fight with him, only because it secretly makes me smile and more and more recently I have found myself craving his company, not that I would ever let him see that. So I walk into where I know he always is at this hour with my back straight, chin high, and ice in my eyes. But something is different when I see him, something is wrong. He is sitting on a couch with his head in his hands and it looks as if the weight of the world is on his shoulders. He doesn’t even look up when I walk in and the ice in my eyes melts away into nothing. I’ve never seen him any way but cocky, arrogant and teasing. But right now he looks broken. Something snaps in me. Some instinct deep inside to protect what I care about and damn my own stupid feelings and insecurities. Elain has always been the only one who ever struck that instinct in me, I would ruin myself to keep her safe and there has never been anyone else but Elain, and Feyre too, that I would do that for. But right now, seeing Cassian look so tired, so broken, I know in my bones that I will ruin whoever caused him to feel anything but happiness, no matter the cost. And I realize that maybe I should stop fighting him and start loving him, maybe being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak, maybe it makes you strong. So I walk up to the couch and sit beside him, so close our thighs brush against each other. He doesn’t shift.

Cassian

She’s sitting next to me. That is the only thought in my head right now and every nerve in my body is focusing on the spot where our thighs are touching. My heart is pounding out of my chest and I make no move towards her, not even to lift my head.

“Cassian,” she says in a low voice.

I slowly lift my head towards her and now i’m 100% sure my heart is going to explode because her face is so much closer to me than I expected it to be and our breath is mingling together and her scent is filling my nose and that easily everything that was broken in me is mended.

“Nesta,” I say and my voice is husky.

Please no fighting, please please I can’t do it anymore please Nesta, thats what I want to say to her but I won’t because i’m truly a coward and I can’t stop staring at her face, every inch of her perfect face and i’m trying to memorize everything before she walks away again because she has never been this close before and I don’t want this moment to end and I—

“I hope the pain eases soon,” is what Nesta murmurs.

My heart is shattered and my bones are all on the floor and there is nothing left of me because she took it all, those 6 simple words and she owns me completely. How did she know how did she know how did she know.

“Iloveyounestaarcheron” the words come out of me in a gasp and I can’t believe I just said that out loud.

She looks at me, I mean really looks at me and I think i’ve never been so petrified in my life.

“What did you just say,” she says quietly, coldly.

I cringed to keep from shaking, “I said, I love you Nesta Archeron? Or or I didn’t say that at all... I’m not completely sure,” I laughed nervously.

Im an idiot. I can’t believe i’m here professing my love and stuttering to a girl who obviously couldn’t care less about me, I just ruined everything, everything I’ve ruined—

Her lips are on my throat and she is kissing me slowly, lightly and for a moment there is hope. Her lips move downward and now she is kissing across my collarbone but I don’t want her slow right now so I take her beautiful face is my hands and our lips are crashing together all tongues and teeth and I can’t taste her fast enough, can’t hold her close enough. Her hands are in my hair and my hands are making their way down down to her waist, to that perfect ass and I think i’m dreaming when she shifts so she is sitting on my lap and she starts grinding against me and a moan escapes my mouth and she pulls back and looks at me.

“I.. I love you too Cassian,and I want you, all of you, right.. right now,” she says.

I’m definitely dreaming right now but I don’t care because this is ecstasy and my cock won’t stop twitching beneath her and it’s getting harder by the second and I can feel her arousal against me and I think I might come right now. Her lips find mine again and she is kissing me deeply and fully, meanwhile she is unbuttoning my shirt and ripping it off and her hands are on my bare chest and she is grinding against me and I can’t handle all the things I’m feeling right now.

Nesta

I pull back from him and look at him. At his muscled tan chest and those hazel eyes and i’m not scared anymore and being vulnerable feels right, it feels right with him. So I lift my shirt from me and now i’m naked except for my pants and within half a second one of my breasts is in his mouth and I can’t stop moaning as his soft warm lips tease my nipple and he bites it relentlessly and I want more, more more more. I stand up quickly and slip off my pants and undergarments and he is unbuttoning his and soon we are both naked and i’m back in his lap. His hands move down to my sex and he teases my knot and i want more.

“Please Cas,” I moan.

And he responds by plunging two fingers inside me and it feels oh so good and I grind against his hands as they move and my release is coming fast but he stops, stops and looks at me, a question in his eyes.

“Yes,” I say breathlessly and then his considerable length is inside me and i’ve never felt anything so good and once he’s inside me to the hilt he waits so I can get used to the feel of him but i’m tired of waiting so I ride him, fast and hard.

He is moaning my name over and over and I think i’m screaming his but i’m so lost in the feel of him that I can’t hear a thing. He is moving fast and hard against me too and im building to a climax and so is he.

He screams my name as he spills inside me and I scream his as my release crashes through me too. We slow and my head is against his chest. We are both breathing hard and both coated in sweat but I have never been more content in my life.

“I love you i love you i love you i love you,” he whispers in my ear. We moved to his bed roll 4 hours ago where we made love thrice more times each more amazing than the last.

Now im in his arms with my head against his heart and I can hear the steady thrum of his heartbeat and I know that with him by my side, I don’t have to feel cold and empty anymore, not if I don’t want to. I am home, I am safe, after all this time.

[chaandkeeroshni]

today im only and only here to talk about my own feelings, even if it’s initially exhausting

even if i kind of dont remember hoe it was done

the semester is over for now and sometimes the mere fact that i have survived life

and another semester, and call outs, and investigations

feels like a miracle to me

i have not only survived, i have been able to save lives

im passing on

what a miracle, everytime that man hit me or when the

rapist did what he was supposed to

i felt drained and full of rage all at once, i knew i wasnt giving up

i have struggled to love me, but i am surely getting there

the sheet masks calm my skin, after days of staying in bed perpetually

and crying and rubbing my face

but never washing it

im back to drinking water and having sheet masks on, it shows something

i stand up for whats right even after knowing it can upset

people dearest to me

i love them so much, but there’s so much more to life and the universe

than only holding onto the people dear to us

aur bhi dukh hain zamanay me muhabbat kay siwa

and maybe it comes at a cost because if someone doesnt understand

the journey with is already over maybe, it’s all part of life, and nothing lasts forever

not even when you spend the night watching bojack horseman together

and hold hands in spirit at the darkest night

and read books together and leave notes for each other

and fix each others’ masks, make playlists together

nothing 

nothing, lasts forever maybe and thats fine

maybe this is what life is, making the most out of whats there

i need this trip to islamabad and spend time with just my best friend

and meet girls i met at summer school once again

everyone’s single this time around so maybe

we can talk it out, talk of the dilemmas and pain and joy of being on our own

firm, 

at such a lovesick vulnerable stage

we’ll laugh and say we’re lovewhores

but we’ll stand firm on our feet and also remind each other we’re not taking any shit 

maybe our education has taught us something,

maybe the exposure has taught us how to live our lives and take care of ourselves

because even on days we thought we were sulking, we were attending to ourselves 

to our wounds

as women from pakistan, i am glad we decided to go abroad

at least for a while, or maybe forever

who knows

one day in my dream law school or at my dream job i might meet the woman or man of my dreams someone who brings more joy

than doubt

maybe then it wont be draining and i’ll know it was right

my professors are nice, they give me accommodations and deferrals but then i remember 

that they let actual rapists roam around free

i am not going to stop fighting this fight against violence towards women

when it affected me first hand and i know 

affects lineages of women

i have to do this for them

i want to do this for womanhood

and if someone doesnt understand, i’ll say my goodbye

because people who love me, must love me wholly for who i am

for how i think, for what i find meaning in

true heartbreaks suck, but it sucks more to be detached from my own self and my own love

i am never doing that again

i matched with the abuser i was in love with on bumble but

i unmatched before i could say hi

im proud of myself for having learnt how to look after myself and myself first

for realizing the boy i remained in love with for too long was so average

never ever worthy of this powerempire i call myself

and he knew that

of course he knew that

i am proud im able to see a regular 22 year old who goes to a regular university in lahore and does regular things

in someone i supposedly love

feelings cloud us sometimes, but maybe knowing that they cloud us will make a difference

isnt that what we want, from our education

from our activism

from our love

to be cognizant 

i am tired now but i want to write about my feelings and me so much more often