#INTERVIEW TOMORROW . . . .. ANXIETY!!! !
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haven't done one of these in a while KSDFJKSD
#sxf#spy x family#damianya#damian desmond#anya forger#should i really tag the rest of the gang if we only see the back of their heads. prob not#my art#INTERVIEW TOMORROW . . . .. ANXIETY!!! !
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The worst thing about being a Dan and Phil fan is that you have to be a normal person every time you’re not online
#I have an interview tomorrow and I’m posting on tungle to cope with my anxiety#don’t judge me#dan and phil#daniel howell#dnpgames#dan and phil games#phil lester#amazingphil#dan howell#youtube#dnp#phan
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i'm trying to keep a cool head and focus on prepping for technical interviews this week. I did one asynchronous one on friday and I have a live one (where you like. code in front of the interviewer) tomorrow, and then I'm planning to do another asynchronous one on wednesday and I'm just like "damn i'm just a girl why do i have to code under such anxious situations"
#the one i did on friday i really like the company and everything but it was like really difficult so idk if i'll get moved to the next stage#keeping my hopes up but also trying not to be unrealistic so focusing on these other ones too#though the one that i'm planning to do on wednesday is very unrealistic to actually happen#but. i will go along with it and see what happens#(i kinda applied to that one as like a ''haha there's no way this is gonna happen'') kinda thing but then they actually contacted me?#it's wild y'all#anyways. need to focus on tomorrow's interview#i have the skills to do this it's just a matter of not letting my anxiety get in the way#pandora's ramblings
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Everyone loves me and I'm so so so employable<- affirmations
#twist rambles#i got... another interview lined up monday 😭 which is great other than the insane amt of stress im gonna be under for like 3 days straight#not including weekends. its gonna be soooo bad for my fibro 😭 and im getting the only non scary interview done today. or ig that was#yesterday since it was a phone call one. but today its w a optho office and hopefully will be ok .. and then tomorrow its. well sitcom level#of weird shit. so its at a hotel right. i got a call abt it and due to my auditory processing issues and general anxiety and sleepy nature#completely forgot the hotel name. could just look it up right? WRONG. hotel doing renovations so its at a separate building. when looking#that and the phone up it gave me nothing. the issue is i applied 2 3 different hotels in (town) and all of which are different positions#and times. so i have no clue what to prep for. dreading this one v much. and then the next one is an electricians office doing hr and data#entry but they have horrible reviews and apparently aren't great w safety. which is genuinely scary. tbf only 2 reviews total but still.#so needless to say i wm very anxious this morning. gotta kill like 7 hrs and also not puke.#emeto#for the tags<-
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job interview tomorrow at 2 I’ve never done this before & I’m very anxious
#I’ve applied to so many place but this is the first interview I’ve gotten#Probably stupid but I am very nervous just trying to pretend I’m not bc maybe then I won’t be anxious tomorrow?#Idk it’s stupid logic#Days like this I really wish I was medicated for anxiety#Screaming
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Sunday six time yayyyyy! and... I actually have RGG stuff to share??? what is this???? I cooked for a second and I think I *finally* have the missing piece for a fic that's been in my WIP document for so long. Maybe I can edit it soon? Perhaps?
Anyway I got tagged by @four-white-trees @jichanxo and @phantasy14. Tagging the usual @mike----wazowski @passthroughtime @woundedheartwithin @fire-tempers-steel @skysquid22
“There’s this person… I’ve known them for a long time. You see, I’ve only just realized how important they are to me,” he fidgets with a bracelet on his right hand, “I’m not sure if it’s love. Fuck, I’m not sure what it is. But, I know I can’t have a future without them. I have to abandon this way of life for that future to even exist. It’s hard, and I’m risking my life to do so, but I know I can do it, because I know what my purpose is now.”
He looks up at Yagami, and Yagami sees a hidden determination within them.
“All I want to do is protect them.��
Yagami looks over his shoulder, and sees Kaito smile at Shinumi. A warm feeling envelops him as he darts his eyes to the ground.
“I think I understand,” he says in a low voice.
#sunday six#not gonna tag the chars/franchise rn since this is like. first draft BS#but! me when I can make parallels :miku:#also the “he” is a fourth character that's a minor one in the fic but. yeah making that distinction here#the hope is that I can finish this fic and have it out by my annivesary of beating judgment (it's in...6 days?)#but considering i'm a bundle of anxiety rn (potential internship interview tomorrow that i'm keeping from my parents for multiple reasons.#most having to do with constantly hearing “have you heard back yet???” 75 times a day. so. not telling them unless i'm accepted.)#and I get to finish abyss in like a few minutes yippee!!! IW soon!!!#but either way! hopefully the fic can get done. that'd be cool.#ok bye it's abyss time i'm gonna go kick [final boss name redacted] in the nuts
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stop what you're doing and take your meds if you haven't done that today
#I haven't been taking mine because I've been unemployed and didn't feel like they were helping my anxiety#but boy howdy did I just have a whole ass anxiety attack about going to a job interview just now#luckily it's not an appointment interview#it's a 'come in any time Mon-Fri during business hours' kind of interview so I can just go tomorrow instead#but holy shit#they were helping#take your meds
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Okay, running three miles did absolutely nothing to shut off the screaming panic in my head, so now we…sit in the shower for 45 minutes? Take a 13-hour nap? Find a tree to climb? What is. What are we doing here.
#hi hello did you know the world is on fire and it’s getting increasingly worse all the time?#did you know that we’re in hell?#did you know?#really really want to focus on writing stories but between the very real nightmarescape we exist inside#and the personal anxiety of knowing I have a recruiter interview tomorrow#I’m pretty much just vibrating at the worst possible frequency#it’s great. it’s so great. (it’s not great. into the shower I go.)
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That feel when you love your friends so So much >>>>
#just txted my bestie like hey I have an interview tomorrow can I call you for a bit before it chatting w you really helps my anxiety#got the response AWWWWW OMG THATS SO SWEEEETTTT OF FUCKING COURSE IM FREE FOR YOU I GOT YOU#LIKE AJSJAJSJAJSJ HI??? YOU OWN MY WHOLE HEART??? I LOVE YOU SO MUCH????#and I asked my other friend for help with an assignment earlier and ALSO got the response ‘omg of course!!!’#like GOD next time I’m home I’m baking and delivering everyone’s favorite desserts AH
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anticipatory grief is actually one of the worst things in the world I hope nobody ever has to deal with it
#stupid shit#this is actually more of an anxiety thing but whatever I'm having an episode rn#I have a job interview tomorrow for a job that if I get it will essentially be taking up my nights and weekends#and that's kinda the way it has to be for the next year and a half and I'm trying to learn to just accept it#until I graduate#then I can get a normal person job#and I was fine up until about an hour or so ago#thinking about how I'm not going to be seeing my mom as much#and my mom is a very touchy subject for some reason to me#her medicine is working fine *knock on wood*#but I still feel this sense of overwhelming guilt#like I'm doing something absolutely horrible by leaving her#I constantly feel like the second I'm not within the same building as her she's going to just die#and I know I just need to do this#But I'm just having a really hard time thinking about leaving her#In my head it tells me i'm essentially leaving my mom for a year and a half maybe even more depending on how quickly I can get a new job#after graduation#so we're not party rocking
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…
#oh good#the liminal space between Christmas and New Year#has met the one night every 18 months when I wouldn’t mind my as-needed anxiety med#BUT I have an interview tomorrow morning and do not want to be a mess for that so ✌🏻#I’m PRETTY sure it’s just my brain missing its routine#but I may start my Queen of Attolia reread early to drown that out 😅#tonight: shopping for a couple of things and then my cleaning job and then home#to stare morosely at the puddle left by the washing machine while I drink sparkling cider#tomorrow: interview then a stop at the craft store then family Christmas and then tattoo!#and THEN back to whatever passes for my day job these days#the good news is that objectively my Christmas has gone very well#in the standard chill do-nothing sort of way that we tend to go with#and I have one (1) book left that I would like to try and finish before January (doubtful)#ok off I go
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It's looking like a getting barely any sleep night
#got an interview tomorrow and my anxiety is already killing me#i'm already getting random anxiety pings i hate it here#speaks
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SENDING MY FIRST ASK FROM THE NEW BLOG!!!! i feel like i am sending a letter from a new address... crazy. ANYWAY HOW R U TONIGHT!!!! i hope ur havin a good day!!!! kicking my feet like a teenager at a sleepover rn tell me abt ur day who r the blorbos in ur mind rn what kinda art r u workin on lately how's it going friend!!!
HIIIIIII HI HI . HELLO SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG- i mean catboy cellbit!!! . dude i am. dreading the coming week tbh but it is fine !! we will get thru it we will survive!!! i am so sleepytired but alas i also cannot sleep so i may just have another night of reading and music ahead of me . wah. i hope u are hsving a good night <3 IVE BEEN COMPLETELY ART NERFED TOO BTW. my laptop died on me a couple days ago and while i was able to find a new one affordably it will not be here until the 13th 😔 so no digital art from me for a while. sigh. i DID just decorate my new sketchbook with stickers tho so im hoping that will get my brain in gear for traditional art again. AS FOR BLORBOS. oh . u know. the usuals. vash the stampede. zacharie from off . masky marblehornets (also tim marblehornets) . to name three of them.
#who are ur blorbos rn. i dont watch qsmp i think sering ur posts abt it are really funny bc im like. guy walks into the room on fire gif.#i have no idea whats going on in here congratulations and/or my condolences <3#thank u thank u i love the sleepover vibes. literally had gossip talk w one of my other friends earlier#(name withheld for reasons but if u see this u know who u are and i love u )#so the vibes are so correct#i have 2 work tomorrow :( not looking forward 2 that.#however it IS my last day of my long term overnight job which means i will be able to sleep in my own bed tomoerow night.#this is something i have not done for like. close to a month now. whcih is why ive been sleeping so awfully! so hopefully that fixes me#also have. job interview on wednesday for another aquarium place..#fingers crossed this goes better than my last one but also part of me is kind of hoping it doesnt go well#bc i hate transitional periods and i dont want 2 go thru the moving process again#and i dont want 2 meet a bunch of new ppl all at once again. and do the while job training thing.#alas that is the anxiety talkimg and i do actually want the job bc it would be good for me <3#sorry it is late and im soooo fucking sleepy so im rambling !!!! do not feel like u have to respond to . gestures vaguely at all that#its blorbo talk time. i desperately want 2 warch more mh right now#however the house im.staying in IS in the middle of the woods and very isolated and i have been so scared and paranoid#so i am OUTTA LUCK sigh. i will simply watch smth silly instead like gg tmph or david attenborough or perhaps spongebob will b on the tv.#asks#friends!!!#false-anachronism#<< oh fuck new url!!! i got like halfway thru typing ur old one before i was like WAIT SHIT.
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Husbands
Husbands that look like they're being interrogated because it's almost 4 am and I spent my entire day painting walls
#Venting!!!!!!!!#im just venting idk im tired i have gym everyday and gym gives me massive anxiety so yayy#im kinda just making up for lost time specifically cuz it was around people im not comfortable witb#my family i mean#i was so sore when i got done i had to move a shit ton of furniture and i hit my head on a dresser#im just watching timtoks to make myself cry because i haven't properly cried in like 6 months and with my fucking life thats unhealthy :D#my cat died on Christmas eve aswell!!!#anyway yeah husbands#they're literally orbs from a childrens video game i am 15 i am a sophomore this is stupid stupid fuckin penguin i hate him#no i dont i love him#DOMT WVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE ENO BITCH HE HAS SUCH A CHOKEHOLD ON ME#THIS IS THE SECOND TIME IN LIKE 2 YEARS IVE BEEN OBSESSED WITH HIM I LITERALLY THINK ABOUT HIM ALL DAY EVERYDAY#i have issues#i just realized i misspelled emo im so tired im not rewriting that im talking bout mk he matches my other intersts more thats why i love him#one of my favorite childhood movies is interview with the vampire ofc i love him#im gonna eat ramen and prepare myself to lie to the nurse tomorrow cuz im not going to gym#i have the biggest urge to just keep thping if only i had this spark in school i hate my brain bro
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autism is kicking in and i don’t know how to respond to this email
#op#nothing feels right and i know it’s because social standards don’t make sense to me#i’m not gonna send it until tomorrow but i want to be prepared. i was thinking of scheduling the email for the morning but idk now#because idk what to say!!!!#then i’m gonna have a phone interview and i'm not gonna know how to act for that either UGHHHHH#this isn’t fully autism it’s also social anxiety. but my last therapist told me that anxiety may be because of autism
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Why am I randomly nauseous? I have done literally nothing and now I am extremely queasy
#I don't think it's anxiety#(But I do have a job interview tomorrow)#This is so weird#i don't like it
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