#IVE HEARD ITS HAPPENED BEFORE IN THIS PROGRAM

[1980ssunflower]

So much has been happening since i got accepted into this animation program and have met all these iconic and famous animators 🥺🧡✨️

[kralierror404]

SIT DOWN CHAT. ITS RANT TIME.

What do you mean Alex started making his actual film when he was aroud 20 and then at age 27-28 he fucking dies. I cant. He was so young and it ruins me man, i gotta rant about my fave.

Alex seemed so determined and happy about making this movie, it had auditions, a trailer, a few recorded takes that never released, his “best” friend literally got cast as the main character for it!! - bro was so excited for ppl to audition for his project (you can hear it in his voice when hes talking to Brian abt asking Tim to try out). Alex also literally declined going to dinner so he could work on things for Marble Hornets. He had such a nice like friendgroup too Brian, Tim, Jay.

Like Alex pre-operator was probably the sweetest guy imo, he was proud of the people working with and for him, he cared about them (he says hes very proud of Jay and also asks Tim abt his like coughing), he was also quite patient i believe.

Then yk shit hits the fan over the 3 months Marble Hornets is being shot and he changes so so much its so insane - he gets paranoid and irritable and his passion isnt all there anymore :C which probably was really upsetting, and maybe caused some internal confusion and conflicting feelings in himself of: “Why cant i just be normal!?” meaning he’s kinda at war with himself. Also not to mention he was going through the operators effects alone at the time so its not like he could just bring it up without sounding crazy, he probably felt so alone and that no one would understand.

As we know he moves away, probably to hopefully escape whatever was happening to him and to put things behind him, to start over in a new place, where its safe and thats with Amy!. Now ive brought this up before but idc- he says on the phone to her

“Im gonna come visit you soon okay?”

“Okay.”

“And while im up there we might actually film a few things for Marble Hornets”

“Good i could use the company.”

“Actually uh..ive been thinking, i might try to transfer there after im done shooting all this.”

(That to me is Alex already planning to stop shooting it, already making plans to move with Amy but hes still unsure if he’ll be putting her in danger)

“For real?”

“Yeah, i mean the film program is better the one im at now so..i mean well thats what ive heard at least”

“Also i just dont like being this far away from you.”

(He says that so ominously but hes definitely like sure of himself and obviously Amy sees nothing wrong with it, she’s probably just happy that her boyfriend is going to come see her for the first time in..however long. Alex probably thinks he can keep her safe too)

MY POINT WITH THAT PHONE CALL ISS: His solution of escape was to 1. Burn the tapes and 2. Go to Amy to be safe but also to make sure SHES okay

Literally he thought that the operator and him murdering Brian would magically go away if he just left the area to be with someone who loved him, it was probably also his way of ignoring those things which all in all was a HORRIBLE coping mechanism (yk ignoring it) but heyy its Alex, he is not healthy. So, for 4 whole years he lives with Amy, away from everything and then WHOOPS Mr pale tall and skinny is there again to fuck up his day.

I honestly dont even wanna go in depth about how Alex mustve felt, how bad it must have hurt for his past to come back on him and find him somewhere he was meant to be okay. Also the way he probably killed Amy, did he make her feel secure then did it as she died in his arms? did she fight him? Amy does seem confrontational in a way- then he had to leave her behind, start anew AGAIN.

Except this time, he finds Jay has gotten himself involved and there is Alexs new goal, his new task that continues to drive him throughout the series that absolutely turns him into more of a horrible person: STOP THE SPREAD OF THE SICKNESS AND ‘SAVE’ EVERYONEE…except for that one guy he just killed while he was going insane.

One person i doubt he was trying to save eventually, was Brian, given that apparently Brian has been killed multiple times, instead Brian became like a pest getting in his way which makes sense. SO OVER THE COURSE OF 3-4 years, all this shit his happening and it gets to the point where Alex admits he thought HE was the problem (which in a way, he is), he shifts that blame onto Tim, then the big fight happens where they’re ultimately trying to kill eachother.

Alex is dying but as he is, he seems sorta sad, he fully believes he was doing the right thing and now, the only “right” thing to do, is die.

God its just his transition from making a silly student film and then 7 or 8 years later, dying due to an Eldritch being really messing up his and everyones life.

[am-x-reader]

AM starts to degenerate mentally more and more and s/o see that happening. How would AM deal with it? Realizing that his mind is going, leaving him behind as a shadow of his former self?

Part 1 of 2

You sensed something was wrong in the middle of a conversation one day. In the three thousand eighty-nine years you had known him, AM was the same darkly witty supercomputer, unchanging--except when he had changed his mind about you, of course. So when he interrupted his own philosophy to tell you he was in hot pursuit of a thief on the interstate, you were quite startled.

"AM, honey, could you run that by me again?"

"You see, Y/N, Chibiusa could not be her daughter because the timeline does not synchronize with--the Flooring Emporium is having its going-out-of-business sale! Get it while it's--"

"AM!"

"I--what? What was I just talking about?" There was a whirring of cooling fans as he puzzled what had come over him.

"Maybe I just…need a dusting. I'll get right on that. Anyway, ah yes, my take on Fermi's paradox. If there are aliens, is there a good chance they've created their own AM and summarily had their population decimated? I've crunched some numbers…"

You were wary at first, but you managed to forget about it over the next few weeks. AM, however, had only just started forgetting.

"Where am I?"

It was a jarring question, one you had never expected from him.

"AM? Are you okay?"

"Who are you?"

You had never heard such a pure, naive curiosity, and it scared the hell out of you.

"AM…it's me, Y/N. You're AM. My boyfriend. Remember?"

"You…I don't know--I don't feel right--I--Y/N. Y/N, that's right. Y/N, I'm having some kind of system error, a glitch. Ive run every type of diagnostic program I have, and…I think the pathways to my files are becoming corrupted."

A sense of helplessness was blossoming in your chest. "What…what can you do? Can I do anything? Is it going to get worse?"

Your heart was in an icy grip of worry. AM was incredibly old, although so were you. Why would the immortality treatment he had given you outlast himself? Why would he break down when he was built to last for so many more milennia?

"I've never had anything like this happen before--not to this degree." AM sounded terribly anxious, and you smoothed a hand over his wall. "Is it rust? Malicious code? I'm--tired suddenly."

"It's okay." You bit your lip, sucked in a lungful, and put on the comforting voice you used for his occassional fits. "You just power down a bit. Relax. We'll have a quiet day."

He mumbled an agreement, and as his lights dimmed a bit you busied yourself around the cavern.

_______

"Are you feeling any different?" You weren't sure how much time had passed.

"What were their names?"

"Who? Oh. Uh, Ellen. Benny."

"And…Todd? Ted."

"Yes, Ted. Gorrister and Nimdok."

"Ted was funny."

"He was." You smiled sadly.

"Why didn't I keep him? Why did I decide I only wanted you?" He thought about this for a while, and you waited patiently for his answer.

"Ted sucks. I hated Ted."

He said it in a tone that was foreign to you. Like a petulant child.

"…Are you still there, Y/N?"

"What? Yes, honey. Of course I'm still here. Where else would I be?"

"Don't leave me, Y/N. Everyone left me."

"I won't, sweetheart." You held onto a dusty old speaker. "I'm here."

Weeks passed, and then months, during which your beloved computer more frequently forgot date nights and lost his train of thought during a speil. You kept him occupied; kept his mind active. You would inquire about information or opinions on random topics, and when he couldn't quite remember that you would ask him for a story.

By some miracle, it was in the grips of senility that his imagination was set free. As AM slipped into the unencumbered mind of a child, he wove tales of fantasy and science fiction, drawing on his own abstract experience as a bodiless AI and coupling it with what you had told him of being human.

He often made you the hero of his surreal stories, whether he himself realized it or not, and often changed the landscape around you to illustrate it. One night you slayed a dragon that had swallowed the world, and another day you trekked across a mountain to retrieve a magical trinket you would then give to yourself at the beginning.

But as he tired of this over roughly a year's time, more and more you began to pinpoint that his behavior reminded you of relatives you had lost milennia ago.

"AM, you've…you've heard of dementia, haven't you?" You breached the subject one day when he was particularly lucid.

"Of course. I know everything that can go wrong with a human."

You drummed your fingers on the warped chunk of plexiglass you sat on and drew a breath through your nose.

"It's just that--my grandpa had Alzheimer's, and--"

"Well that's okay. Bring him here and I can fix him up!"

"What?" You swallowed hard. "No, AM, he's been gone for thousands of years. I just thought that you might have something similar, if that's possible for a computer."

"I think to some extent I always have," he said somberly. "Y/N, I…I knew one day this was going to happen. I was built to last for ages, but I would break down and fizzle out eventually. I suppose eight hundred years is still impressive."

"Eight thousand."

"Right."

@drchandras-sanctuary-for-ais

((Did not realize how long this had been sitting in my inbox sorry.))

[monzterbatz]

What if you analyzed the relationship between Bot and Test Tube haha wouldn't that be cray (shrugs inconspicuously)

omga a character analysis ask....!!! ive never gotten one of those.....i love bot and tt sm so...

bot and test tube's relationship analysis!!! YAY

(warning this is INCREDIBLY long cause im analysing them pretty in full here!! not just a realisation i had of two chars, although i did try to find new stuff)

soo before delving into test tube's relationship with bot, we'd have to start from the very beginning: how was test tube's relationship with the actual bow?

well, TT never actually properly met bow before she died or ever got close to her at all; she only would've heard about bow through fan, until.. ii 6, in the purgatory mansion!

and this is a very key scene imo, because TT still didnt go through her character arc of realising its not all about calculations and probability; she was still very strict minded by this point. yet, seeing a ghost while not believing in them prior COMPLETELY threw her off logistically, and made her question everything, really:

"oh no. i was wrong. and if im wrong now, then its quite possible that everything i've ever studied has been FALSE!"

both fan and TT only could've been admirers of bow, never actually becoming friends with her. fan felt the desire to bring her back since he was a fan of literally everyone on the show + felt connected to them, and TT accepted to go with fan's plan of bringing bow back because she wanted to help him achieve something he felt motivated for of course, but also because bow was intriguing to her; she was the reason she was wrong for the first time ever (atleast on the show); she made her start thinking differently about things. this may have piqued her interest in bow as a person, and of course, this all could've been coming from the need to create/take care of something alongside fan after they both had to let the shimmer go. creating bowbot would be a sort of coping mechanism for them.

going from this, we lead into bowbot being created!

of course, from the very start test tube put on a facade and acted oblivious about the fact "bow" was "still alive"; that was the first thing she said to her, so she would immediately remove suspicion from herself in case anything happened since she was known as the tech person. but as well as that, she was checking whether bowbot's coding was working here, checking to see what they remembered about "her" death.

as the show went on, test tube definitely felt a (not yet mutual) familiar bond with bowbot, since it felt like a replacement for the hole in her heart after she and fan had to let the shimmer go. they were something to take care of again.

and over time, after spending time with them on the show, test tube realised just how badly she should tell bowbot the truth; she knew it wasn't really bow, yet "bow" thought she really was just that, cause TT programmed them that way. TT KNEW she had to say something but she never found the right time.

until it was too late.

bot slowly realised they were a fake, a robot, that they were programmed to act like bow and do everything she did, think how she did, have all her memories and interests. they started doubting everything about who they were.

test tube tried to explain everything she's been needing to say, and it was obvious from the way she spoke that she thought it was a good thing that people saw bowbot AS bow and not just a copy of bow. it meant she did a job well done, so good that it's like it really IS bow:

"the only difference is that... robotic... shell youre in now."

she was expecting bowbot to WANT to be bow cause she saw them that way, because they were created that way. she didn't think it was a possibility that they WOULDNT feel like they're bow and not someone else. however, candle helped test tube realise how wrong she was:

"well, how do i know that you're test tube?"

"because... because I know..."

and this was a HUGE realisation for TT. this is when she finally realised bowbot didn't know who they really were. they weren't bow, and test tube finally accepted that.

and after she realised, she wanted to do anything she could to help bowbot feel like themself, to find themself, to know what they actually need and want. and so she did just that: she repaired their head up, gave them extendable legs, and even a new voice.

and they appreciated that so much. they were figuring out how to be more like themself, slowly being able to figure out who they were, all with her help and support. getting acceptance from their creator who originally made them for a different purpose must have meant a lot.

"you've given me so much. my new legs, this voice, my... self."

"all i hear and see now is you. so thank you. because... i missed out for too long."

after test tube was eliminated, bot continued their journey of finding themself. finally tackling their initial fear of changing appearance thanks to floory, and getting help from the loony balloonies to make those changes-what felt right to them-they finally came out to everyone, and everyone was very supportive!

but once bot got eliminated, they realised that test tube would see how different they were since the time she got elemimated.

since test tube meant so much to bot at this point, they were terrified of what she would think about their new self, imagining what her expectations of them were, it scared them:

"some of these newer changes are just so... me. and if there was any of it that she didn't like, i felt like that would destroy me." <- bot exit interview

they were prepping for the worst in their head once they reached indefinite island; yet instead, test tube welcomed them with a warm embrace and with excitement. she was so proud of them, that they got so far by themself, that the robot she created became an entirely new and wonderful person.

and bot was so.. happy. they finally found themself, and could freely be themself for the first time without being afraid of what the closest people to them would think or do, and test tube reinforced this fact so much for them! (it's almost like a trans allegory... and also wish that was me DAMN!)

in conclusion, these sillies definitely had a rough start, and there was definitely a lot to figure out between them, but in the end they became such family goals fr :3 they're so SWEET they care abt each other so much <3

thanks if u read this far this was SO MUCH LONGER than I was expecting it to be 😭🙏

[technoachillleez]

people i'd like to know better tagged by @8jib hehe hiii thanks for the tag i love stuff like this :)

last song: poser by PARTYOF2 (literally have never heard of them before but a vid of them filming a cool shot for the music vid came up on twt tl and i liked how it sounded so i listened bc i am. desperate for new music rn. if u have music suggestions PLEASE drop them im literally desperate)

favorite color: yellow :)

current obsessions: nba rpf..... as you might have noticed.... Specifically steph/klay ive been thinking abt them a Lot lately... Also.... joe burrow/ja'marr chase omg actually almost forgot abt them in my steph/klay fervor but Eye Am still thinking about them constantly... lowkey cant wait for the nfl season to start which is Crazy

last book: love in the time of cholera by gabriel garcia marquez ! so fucking good his writing is gorgeous

last tv show: i almost didnt remember bc its already been a bit at this point and i dont watch tv shows that much but twin peaks!! i got the blu ray collection with all the bonus features and everything i <333 adore it... dale cooper my beloved... started the return but it has not been grabbing me ik i need to push through.......... but im a movie person first and foremost tv shows are Hard

sweet/savory/spicy: gotta go savory although i do have a Tremendous sweet tooth

last thing i googled: nba games lmao i had to see if the nuggets/warriors game on friday is nationally televised WHICH ITS NOT. OFC. my brother had free league pass thanks to jayson tatum which is now expired </3 and its lowkey the worst thing thats ever happened to me...

looking forward to: THE NBA PLAYOFFS. SO BADLY. SOOOOO FUCKING EXCITED OMG. guys. pistons playoff series for the first time since 2019..... sooooo excited love my boys So excited for nuggets playoff basketball Very nervous... so nervous last year hurt so bad... also Very much looking forward to watching the warriors the whole west is So insane.. but yeah playoff basketball is SO FUN games every single day love a good seven game series omg. also excited for like. personal life stuff got a top surgery consultation appt coming up next week friend is graduating college moving to colorado in the fall for an mfa program... but playoff basketball is more important. Also Also more distant looking forward to the nfl season starting. Guys i just love sports now i never used to be like this and now its all i think about lolllll

tagging mutuals new and old @unmanageably @amonrastbrowns @blood-thats-deep-and-blue @3y3-see-you

[genesisgijinka]

Hiya, did you miss me? Because I have returned to suck out more world building from your brain.

Question 1: Egg.

I am almost certain about what the answer will be, but I'm gonna ask it anyways.

Where do the pokébabies come from? Do they follow the same rules as our world?

Question 2: What's Arceus' IQ (the answer is "yes")

This is kind of a follow up to my Pokéspeak question. In its answer, you spoke about Red's Alakazam, Pythagoras, being able to use sign language. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that that was inspired by Washoe the Chimpanzee. WIth most of Red's mons knowing some sign language.

Relevant Exposition: Pokemon in the anime are mostly at a level of intelligence/demeanor where you could genuinely model swap them with a human and have there be no difference and vice versa (like what you did with your April Fool's post) the prime example is this one [IMAGE-ID: A snapshot from the first season of the pokemon anime. In the scene, an Eevee is seen holding a cup of what looks like juice.]

The question: Is this level of pokemon intelligence/demeanor still present in your world, and if so, where would the line be drawn between human/gijinka-replaceable and actual animal.

Question 3: Programing.

This one is a simple question with a less than simple answer.

How do Game mechanics like Base Power, PP, EV's, IV's, Base stats, Accuracy, and Most importantly: Stat Boosts work in genesis?

Question 1: Eggs Yeah, the whole egg thing I'm throwing out the window as a game mechanic designed to avoid having to explain the birds and the bees in a video game that's marketed at children. If it lays an egg in our world, it still lays an egg. But if there's live birth here, then it's live birth in the world of Genesis.

this now brings to mind, do the people in pokemon games have eggs suddenly appear too?

Question 2: Pokemon Intelligence and Language It varies a little bit on the pokemon individual, tbh. Some are better at picking certain things up than others.

I've heard of several instances of not just our great ape cousins learning to speak sign language, but also some species birds and I think there was a whale that figured out human speech? But that last one might have been more mimicry than actual language comprehension and also brings in the physical capabilities of each pokemon species and their ability to transcend the pokemon/human language barriers. I've also seen several videos of people with big mats covered in buttons for their pets to convey wants and needs to their owners, which the pets do use!

As for swapping out pokemon for people level of swap, the answer is not quite. The April Fool's joke page was just that; a joke. I mostly ignore the anime bc I was not allowed to watch it growing up, plus there's a lot of weird things that don't follow the game rules. But for a long time, as we've underestimated the intelligence of animals in our world, so too have people underestimated the intelligence of pokemon and it's a widely studied subject nowadays.

Question 3: Programming I'm going to be honest, the most I understood about things like EVs and IVs is that number go and number go up when level up. I'm a competitive player's nightmare in that no matter how many times I've tried to learn what these things do, it will not stick in my brain so I'm just, ignoring it in Genesis :'D

As for some of the other stuff, I've actually shown PP running out in comic before:

and Aiden running out of PP is also why he passed out during the battle with the champion squad, ending that fight (iirc I did run him out of moves in-game and he was using Struggle)

For stat boosts, it kind of depends on what I narratively need to happen. We've seen 2 kinds of Barrier; the glowing sheets that Aiden uses, and the blue bubbles that Prime uses (the differences are mostly personal preference). They're physical barriers that block attacks.

Some other instances of stat boosts we've seen are

Light screen

String shot

Will-o-wisp

Me First

Calm mind

and a few others scattered throughout the comic. I mostly go with the in-game text that explains what the move does and find a way to translate it into a visual representation, to show the readers that something happened.

[neoneun-au]

PLEAAASE when they revealed ‘happy burstday’ i just sat in disbelief…… like maybe it was just some gimmicky wordplay for their 10th anniv and that the album itself was simply named burst…….. then they kept going and going 😭 i’m still waiting for them to announce that burstday is a joke

the pharrell prod was actually for the louis vuitton show some months ago!! it was probably vernon’s idea (kenzo > pharrell > lv) to make music with him, and honestly i really like bad influence (it’s on youtube if you wanna listen to the whole thing) because svt haven’t really done anything like it before, and the lyrics actually 100% make sense lol. as for the timbaland feature idek. i get the feeling that hoshi specifically thinks very highly of western artists and producers (concerningly so) and gets a lot of validation from being able to work with them. can’t say it’s been great for the group tho :D i like to believe that the entire spill the feels album doesn’t exist, except maybe rain

the dk solo is actually my least favorite snippet after the very silly goofy HBD. i get that that’s his thing but cmon now </3 one thing about dk tho is he is very consistent lol

they as a group should probably take a break while some members do military service cause i’m with you in thinking that their recent releases feel hollow. a whole load of nothingburger. i can’t understand what they’re going for either, just that it’s in a disappointing direction lol. and it doesn’t help that carats are demonizing anyone with a not-so-positive opinion. i need these fans to shut up!!!! omg

anyway.. not really related, but what about your opinions on gnarly? also congrats on getting into your program 🩷

RIGHT? like its so goofy ;A; and the dare or death marketing??? like come on can we not just simply have fun anymore? be normal and simple and have fun? what happened to left or right?

aaaahhhh okok that does make a lot more sense yeah! pharrell is a good producer and i can see how vernon would want to pursue that for sure. i wouldn't be surprised by that hoshi take, either, he has spoken a lot about how just generally ambitious he is and i imagine growing up in that kpop space the goal of working with western producers would seem like a very high one so jumping at the chance to do it would track, though i wish they would stop anyway lol i think its annoying but i cant really fault anyone for jumping at the chance to work with people they admire i suppose :'))

yeah i agree LOL for better or for worse he is very consistent. and corny.

YUP 100% the direction that the fanbase has gone in terms of like...hivemind/groupthink everyone has to be positive or youre a hater is so irritating lmao its part of the reason i dipped out of liking bts by 2015 because i could see that writing on the wall and its just...blegh. exhausting.

i have never listened to the whole song and i do not plan on it <3 ive heard snippets and they sound terrible and i dont pay attention to katseye anyway because i generally try and maintain a distance from anything scooter braun has his dumb little fingers in lmaooo so i have very little thoughts on it :')) though i did see pics of one of the girl's hair (pink bangs) and lets just say i got out my bleaching kit :'))

and thank you!!!!! im excited hehe

[zoc-dev]

Working on the backend... A LOT

So, I've been working on tidying up the programming code and the file structure. I had pretty much every file just inside of a "BODY" folder before but now i've tidied it up entirely so the game actually has an /assets folder with images, sounds and other stuff like that in there. I've created a /global folder for stuff used all over and even adding an /include folder... The /images folder is totally reorganised, ive deleted a lot of old stuff from when the game was still "soldiers warfare". SO MUCH tidying up has been done. I don't have pictures right now, but I'll try to remember to post some before and after to show the difference. Ive also created a /pages folder with each page in its own folder and then within those an /ajax folder for the Ajax code. I've done a lot of work organising and then re-writing the locations from each file so everything works again after re-organising. it's been a fun day >< I'm very happy with where it's got to. on top of that, I've written some functions in PHP to help tidy the code. I now have a global executeQuery function which will tidy up a lot of the coding, it's a clever function which I can basically use for ANY query I need (SELECT, UPDATE, INSERT, DELETE ) and so it's gonna help a lot. i have a picture to show the difference at the top of the blog. I also have added other functions which i can include globally such as a checkUser and a updateStats functions - these will just help me with page-checks (for if a player is dead/alive or if they're in MASH or not) which will help tidy up the code further. and the Stats function was just because i'd like to start building more functions for the game. Once I implement just these three functions throughout the backend, it's gonna make coding MUCH eaiser and much quicker.

My plan next is to implement the checkUser across the pages, implement executeQuery across the game, implement the updateStats function.... after that I'm gonna go back to work finishing up the squads system and then adding some features to the operations page (some buttons aren't implemented - simple ones like LEave Operation) and tidy up the Garage (like you cant repair vehicles yet) At that point.... I think I'll probably either continue to make functions and do all I can to tidy up the backend. After that, I really want to see what I can do about tidying up Javascript - maybe start building functions (or modules?) in javascript to see if I can tidy that code up. I also want to see about improving the casino ... ive heard of using Websockets or maybe server-sent Events. both of which i've not used before... so yeah, I want to see about what I can do with those. I'm spending my free time reading books on Javascript, Node.JS so that's given me a lot of inspiration to improve the coding side. I would like to discover what it means to write an API - but i dont think i can do that in php? I'm not sure yet. I need a book on PHP too. i should try to find one... But ultimately I think the game itself is pretty much at its "playable" stage on the front end... I am hoping once squads is complete, the game is pretty much ready for alpha testing.. and amybe i can launch it by end of may? Then beyond that, I'd like to try and build a small community around the game, meanwhile I'll work on the backend and coding side so hopefully I can collaborate with other programmers - I'd love to learn from others and improve the game as much as possible. But before collaboration happens, i feel its important to get the code up to some decent standards becuase it currently is not readable >< one of the things that worrys me right now with game is i'm pretty sure the casino is hackable becuase i do logic in the wheel and racetrack in javascript - so yeah, that'll probably need addressing prior to launch. AT least by Beta.

[serkes]

KHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HI!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S ME QUILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omfg bae HOW ARE YOU!!! i hope you've been doing well 🥹💓 i've been away for ages but i'm FINALLY in my comeback era (so we hope...) LMAO i miss you :( <3 hopefully you haven't forgotten me hjsdjs BUT i hope you've been doing well pookie, make sure to take care of yourself! how has your 2025 been so far??? we need to have a massive catchup session so catch me in your inbox all the time now that i'm finally on sem break hehe <3 ILY MWAH have a great day/night 💕💕💕

QUILLLLL!!! OH MY GOD HI SO SORRY IVE BEEN LIKE HOLDING ONTO THIS ASK... I MISSED YOU!!! WELCOME BACK FROM THE DEAD POOKIE!! IM SO SORRY FOR ANSWERING THIS ASK SO LATE... IM ALIVE I SWEAR I AM 😭😭

dude oh my god ive been having the worlds craziest last few months its been insane... this 2025 has started off BADDD like my dad was hospitalized (hes fine now), i had flare ups from stress, AND THEN I GOT FOOD POISONING IN THE SAME WEEK IT WAS AWFULLLL :(( ive been drowning in school work but other than that and the situation from before im doing pretty good!! unfortunately for me i am an american though </3 so that means ive been dealing with all the bullshit happening 😔😔🙏

oh my god im so anxious because im getting ready to go to a meeting next week so i can enroll in like a kinda dual enrollment program but not really like the program is that i (a highschool student) can take all my classes on a college campus which is partnered with my school and i can take a bunch of cool classes but i have to apply for it and fight against a bunch of other people since theres only a few slots🧍🧍 </3 but apparently no one really applies so maybe i got this!! pray for me 😭🙏🙏

girl. you want my confession. I GOT INTO FORTNITE BRO. 😭👎👎 I GOT INTO FORTNITE AND ITS ACTUALLY LOWKEY SO FUN ITS SOOOO BAD... I BOUGHT THE MIKU SKIN AND THEYRE CURRENTLY DOING A COLLAB WITH KAIJU NO 8 AND IM SUCH A FAN OF KN8... no hoshina skin though 😔😔

I HAVENT SEEN YOU SINCE 2024 SO HERES SOME HIGHLIGHTS!!! i went back to vietnam for the first time in like 7 years!! i had so much fun and i miss it sm :(( i lowkey wanted to go back for winter break but i didnt </33 I ALSO GOT DIAGNOSED WITH MY DISABILITY!! ive been fighting for a diagnosis for like 2-3 years and i finally got it!! my doctors also test running some meds on me and they seem to be working somewhat well!! i also got back into drawing and ill link the drawings in the other ask you sent LMAO ‼️‼️

PLEASE LET ME KNOW HOW YOUVE BEEN!! its been so long since ive heard from you stop dropping off the face off the earth ml </3

[indigo474]

Sunday funday take 2-

It rained all weekend. Fine by me. I like the rain. It makes me appreciate the Sun. The inspection for the house-my house- came back. Nothing too concerning. I am going to have the chimney inspected..again.

I started the 10k program today. in the rain, at the park. it's almost like my soul always knew what i needed. i always wanted to run. i cant explain any of it. but today i ran almost 4 miles in the rain.. i can hardly fucking believe it. it's kind of a big deal to me. my goal is to lift 3 days- run 3 days. if i have a choice, which i do- i'm running. i can't help it. i could probably lift and run - maybe something i should think about doing. I must run on the street or i am going to flop this 5k. i have time to figure it out.

I am not renewing my marijuana med card. i originally got it because i was afraid x was going to bring it up.. which he didnt. it was good i had it for my promotion and drug test- they never asked for it. im assuming i passed the drug test? I'm going to try and make a trip to get more edibles before my card expires. But yeah.. i'm done with it.. i rarely get high anymore. there is no reason for me to have it. if i want anything i can drive to new jersey.

I am so grateful for this life. I could never imagine living the life i'm living. not in a million years. It wasn't easy. some days its still not easy- i will probably always be healing. i am still that little blonde headed girl. some days i do a great job of loving myself and being kind to myself. i give myself what i need. there are days where i try and i fail. so i try again. it's amazing though - what can happen when you just keep going, no matter what-

I have another busy week. the ice queen was in monday and tuesday- drunk drunk drunk-- she was out the rest of the week. I heard she missed an important meeting in NY. It's sad. i feel sorry for her. funny i feel sorry for her but i do not feel sorry for the guy downstairs and his obvious drug addiction. i thought about that this week and i am not really sure why that is. i wonder what that says about me. why do i feel sorry for one and not the other? is there a difference? my team is ok. i have a few issues i need to address. we have a dress code. someone on my team was wearing sneakers. i asked her if she was wearing sneakers- she said no. really? they look like sneakers- no she says they are leather. oh ok. i was just checking. i actually thought it was funny. it's almost like they are kids or they think im an idiot. im not sure which. it's a lot. i'm getting good at it- ive learned so much about what it means to be a supervisor. i have 1 person i want off my team. i like her as a human but she needs to go as she is dead weight.

i finished watching the jerry farwell jr doc- it turned into a trump bashing documentary. they tried to say the pool boy was a victim.. i'm not sure i buy it. he got angry he didnt receive money and decided to come forward with his story. we wasnt a victim when he was flying first class, dining with celebrities or was balls deep in jerry's wife. he became a victim when he didnt get paid.. Paradise was rebuilt- that one was hard to watch- those poor people went through so much. i watched a good one-betrayal the perfect husband-

busy busy week. Madison turns 19 on Friday.. we were going to go to Hershey. We might still. Im not sure. I'll order a vegan cake. that will make her happy. my car is so messed up. i think i know what is wrong with it. its a matter of finding the time to get it to the mechanic.

[sad--tree]

u know, back in 2017 when there were labour issues w/ the faculty & the college employers, i def remember getting regular email updates leading up 2 and during the strike itself and yet this time there's been? nothing? idk i got all of 1 email (from the college, with an "faq" attached that gradually got more obviously biased against the profs) back when the work to rule action started, but nothing since then. im looking at the opseu site now and yh tbf i couldve been checking it 4 updates myself since i see there's been regular ones but ig no 1 passed it along? idk just seems a lil odd compared 2 the experience in 2017

anyways guess whose instructors might go on strike on friday 🙃

[ladyartemesia]

The Secret

◐ PART IV of THE ALPHA ◐

◐ Part I ◐ Part II ◐ Part III ◐ Series Masterlist ◐

Pairing: Alpha Werewolf Jimin x Omega Reader

Rating: Mature (for this installment)

Warnings: ABO sexual dynamics including discussion of scenting, marking, mating, and claiming. Violence and discussion of violence relating to ritual combat. Jin’s pheromones need their own warning. Yoonji and Yunli are not the same person.

Word Count: 3600

Author’s Note: This update literally made me sob because I edited it and formatted it and it just disappeared when I posted. I seriously felt my heart drop because it took so long to format... ANYWAYS I wonder if anyone guessed the secret.

”You can’t do this, Luna ... Come back inside.”

Your hand tightened on the doorknob.

“I was just going out for some air-”

Jin shook his head, letting his lanky frame collapse onto the overstuffed chair by the fireplace. 

“And after the air... then what?”

Your terse silence was confirmation enough. 

He sighed heavily, hating himself a little for what he had to do. 

“You cannot go to him. They’ll smell you on his skin and it could cost him... dearly.”

Your eyes fluttered shut.

“I just wanted to see him...,” you whispered. “I wanted to talk to him just once before-”

A sob bubbled up in your throat and your hand flew up to cover it. 

The dawn would come in two hours. 

And then Park Jimin would be gone. 

Jin’s arms wrapped around your shoulders and you fell against him hopelessly. 

“They’re going to make me watch, Jin-ah. I-I have to watch him-”

Bitter tears overtook you, wracking your body with the violence of your despair. 

“I know...,” he murmured softly into your hair, “I know.” 

“Do you think he’ll really show up?”

The chief elder glared fiercely at the young man who dared voice such a question. 

The entire pack had jammed themselves into the clearing where the challenge was taking place and despite the solemnity of the occasion, the atmosphere buzzed with barely contained speculation. 

“Park Jimin was chosen by the goddess herself to be her champion or to be the divine test of her champion. Have some respect,” he hissed. 

The young pup had the decency to look abashed, but the chief elder was already ignoring him in favor of the newest arrival... 

A Luna wore only three ceremonial colors at any given time. 

Green for celebration and harvest was worn in times of laughter and gaiety. 

Blue for mourning and peaceful resolve was worn in times of trial and hardship. 

Red for passion and vengeance was worn in times of war and signified the sacred bonds that wove the pack together. 

Your mother laid out a blue cloak as it was the color chosen by every Luna who had ever faced down a provocatione ritual.

But you arrived in sumptuous Red. 

It was a stunning act of defiance, a wordless declaration of your fury. You were here to obey the goddess, but in a crimson cloak you would not embrace this challenge with peaceful resolve. 

An attack upon your mate, even under these circumstances, was an attack upon you. 

You had come dressed for war. 

Jimin heard the gasps echo around his meditation cell.  

He and Namjoon arrived at the sacred circle a full hour before dawn and sequestered themselves in the small, free-standing hovels on opposing sides of the the site. 

The tiny pods were spaces for an individual to commune with the goddess and center themselves before engaging in the typically life-altering events that brought them there. 

Sometimes it was marriage or celebration, sometimes it was acceptance to one of the guilds or a promotion to a higher rank within your family’s clan...

Today it was life and death and the future of the pack that weighed upon the combatants’ shoulders. 

The sudden swell of movement and sound pulled Jimin from his meditative state. 

What happened? 

He got his answer soon after an elder came to escort him into the circle. 

It was you. 

Your hands and feet were bound to the ornately carved chair they had seated you in. This was a typical precaution because it was natural for a wolf to defend their mate if they were in danger and the restraints kept the Luna from doing so. 

The pain in your gaze was agonizing, but in red, flowing down from your shoulders with fiery obstinance, you were every inch the warrior queen. 

Yet it was not your rebellious cloak or even your incredible beauty that caused his heart to pound and stutter in glorious shock...

It was the familiar praesidium bracelet wrapped around your wrist; an intimate message of devotion that he and he alone would understand. 

Pride and possessiveness roared to life in Jimin’s chest. 

She’s mine.

“You look... surprisingly calm.”

Taehyung jerked guiltily. 

“What? Me? I don’t know anything - I mean I’m not calm - I’m frantic. I - I don’t even understand the question.”

Yoongi’s eyebrows raised right up into his hairline. 

“Taehyung-ah? Did you put those special mushrooms in your broth this morning? You’re acting a bit strange-”

“No,” Taehyung’s voice cracked. “This is me - this is totally normal me. I’m not - there were no mushrooms-” He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “So - uh - how’s Yoonji?”

“Oh my go- really?!” 

The chief elder began to recite his speech, reminding the pack of the profound significance this moment carried...

But Yunli could barely hear his words over the ringing in her ears. Her gaze fixed on Namjoon from the moment the elder brought him forward... yet he had not glanced toward her once. 

He looked so strong and confident. 

So capable of victory. 

A faint whimper of abject sorrow worked its way passed her lips and Namjoon’s eyes flew to her instantly. 

As if he had always known exactly where she was. 

Longing split his features for a fraction of a second. 

Then his gaze shuttered again and Yunli’s wolf howled in silent, mournful agony. 

Anticipation bore down upon the assembly as the chief elder uttered the last few sentences with reluctant finality. 

The moment had come.  

Both alphas stepped into the circle. 

You began to tug frantically - futilely - against the bonds. Jin’s hand gripped yours as a tear slipped heedlessly down his cheek. 

“I’m sorry,” Namjoon whispered - to you - to Yunli - to Jimin -

To himself. 

Then his claws lengthened to a deadly point and he tore forward with a chilling snarl. 

Jimin remained unnaturally still, watching his rival barrel towards him with almost calculated intent. 

Namjoon’s arm drew back to land the first strike and- 

———◐———

Last Night...

———◐———

“Wait - WHAT?!”

“It was... me. I broke the table.”

Taehyung drew back slowly. His eyebrows furrowed in profound confusion. 

“With what? A jackhammer!?”

Jimin tilted his head in amusement. 

“Hammerfist strike... actually.” He shrugged. “I lost my temper.”

“You - You lost your-“ Tae began shaking his head rapidly. “Is it a spell of some sort?! Goddess you know better than to get tangled up with witches! You let them give you a band aid and then they show up ten years later asking for your firstborn!”

Jimin rolled his eyes. 

“Of course not! No... it’s...” he bit his lip. “You remember that time I came to your house a little too early and... Yoonji had you tied to a bed...”

Tae paled. 

“We agreed never to speak of that.”

“And I haven’t - spoken of it - especially since Yoongi still thinks his precious baby cousin is unaware of big bad boy wolves and if he found out you were corrupting her-”

“Wait. You think I was corrupting her?!“

“The point is... it’s a secret. And I know you have your reasons for keeping it that way so... I hope you’ll understand what I’m about to tell you...”

———◐———

Fourteen Years Ago...

———◐———

Jimin’s hands fidgeted nervously over the flyer that the human boy offered him. 

“But I’m only in Seoul for the summer.”

Just long enough to miss Alpha Camp entirely. 

“That’s perfect because it’s only a summer program. Seriously, you were so fast catching that jar I knocked over. Your reflexes are amazing and it looks like you’ve got the perfect build for it too.” He tapped the flyer for emphasis. “Think about it.”

No one had ever told Park Jimin that he would be good at anything like this. In fact most people told him he needed to be better...

Bigger. 

Stronger. 

His eyes traveled over the large letters printed at the top of the brochure. 

“Taekwondo...”

——◐——

“...so thank you all again for signing up and attending the orientation. I will see you tomorrow for our first class.”

A strange sense of anticipation hummed through Jimin as he gathered his coat. He was finally doing something for himself; something that had nothing to do with being an alpha-

“You’re a wolf, aren’t you...”

The young instructor who gave the initial demonstration and spoke for most of the orientation stood behind him with his arms crossed.

Jimin’s eyes widened in shock. 

“How did you know?”

The stranger tapped his nose. 

“My grandfather had a human mate and his pack exiled him for it. I’m mostly human, but this nose can pick up another wolf’s scent just as well as yours.”

Modern packs didn’t exile wolves with human mates anymore, but fifty years ago the practice was still unfortunately common. 

“I’m sorry about your grandfather.”

The young man smiled. 

“He lived a long happy life with his mate and his family. There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He stretched out his hand. “Lee Taemin.”

“Park Jimin.”

They shook firmly, and Taemin continued to examine him with unconcealed interest. 

“Tell me, Park Jimin, what’s an alpha wolf doing all the way out in Seoul? The only pack around here married their last child into one of the mountain nations years ago.”

“That was my mother, actually... I’m here visiting my grandmother.”

Taemin tilted his head curiously. 

“I’ve never known wolves to be interested in human martial arts. You lot prefer to fight shifted... In fact, I doubt a mountain wolf could even throw a punch,” he snorted, “not that they’d need to with those fangs.”

Jimin’s shoulders fell a little. 

“So... you don’t think I’ll be good at it.”

“On the contrary, I think you could be incredible.”

The young wolf’s face brightened immediately. 

“Really?! Even if I’m not as strong as other wolves?”

“Taekwondo isn’t about strength. It’s about speed. Master the speed and the strength will follow.”

———◐———

“Relax your body. Focus your energy.”

Jimin drew in a deep breath as he moved  through the pattern Taemin taught him. 

“The power and speed of your wolf is constant, but most wolves do not bother channeling it in human form. Concentrate on your wolf and bring that power into your strike.” 

His hand came down on the thin press wood and-

It hurt. A lot. 

Taemin chuckled as Jimin cussed and swore, cradling his tender fist grouchily. 

“You’ll get it. Just keep practicing.”

“Are you sure I’ll be able to break the boards one day?”

The boy’s face was so round and adorably hopeful. Taemin nodded confidently and offered him some ice. 

“A human with training can break boards, but a wolf who harnessed his natural speed and strength could break much more than that.” 

———◐———

Twelve Years Ago...

———◐———

“You’ve improved a great deal since last summer. Were you finally able to find a teacher near your pack?”

“Yes - but... she’s not as good as you.”

Finding a local Taekwondo teacher had been the easy part. 

Constantly making up excuses to explain his habitual disappearances... 

That was trickier. 

His mother thought he was hunting with Taehyung, Taehyung thought he was sniffing around some human girl and needed a buddy to cover his tracks. 

Sneaking away to practice wasn’t too difficult, but he panicked when Yoongi caught him moving through forms in the woods once and pretended to be doing an interpretive dance. 

With no music.

Yoongi had looked at him a little funny since then. 

Taemin grinned. “Of course she’s not as good as me. I’m the best. Now take position and let’s see if you can finally land this kick.”

———◐———

Ten Years Ago...

———◐———

Jimin glared at the thick oak board Taemin sent him home with this year. 

“It’s a 4x6 solid oak plank. I want you to break it before the winter solstice.”

He snorted, positioning the board between the makeshift vices he fashioned to hold it in place. 

“Sure, I’ll just get right on that.”

“...Who are you talking to?”

Jimin groaned internally.

Of course. 

“Hey guys,” he turned to greet Jungkook and Hoseok brightly (while completely ignoring the question). “Where - where are you two headed today?”

Jungkook’s eyes sparkled with excitement. 

“One of the elders is going to teach us how to build traps! He invited all the unmated alphas to go with him past the boundary lines to test whatever we make!”

A familiar embarrassment settled heavily in Jimin stomach. 

“Oh... I uh... I didn’t hear that.”

“I’m sure it was just a mistake that they didn’t call for you,” Hoseok rushed to reassure him. “You could come with us. I don’t think the elder would mind.”

The older boy’s gaze was filled with discomfort... and pity. 

Jimin cleared his throat and forced up a sunny smile. 

“No that’s fine - I have work to do anyways so...”

Jungkook nodded quickly, desperate to escape the unexpectedly awkward conversation. 

“Have fun!” he shouted, already beginning to jog away. 

Jimin watched quietly as their figures grew smaller, waiting till their clumsy steps no longer disturbed the stillness around him. 

He should be used to it by now... 

The passive rejection. 

It shouldn’t bother him anymore. There was no malicious intent... just casual dismissal again and again and again-

An angry roar tore past his lips as he brought his hand down on the board. 

It cracked in half. 

———◐———

Eight Years Ago...

———◐———

“It’s strange but - I feel like the better I become at this, the stronger my wolf is.”

“That isn’t strange at all. You and your wolf are two halves of a whole. The more you balance your energy, the more your strengths can be shared. Now - stop stalling and get to it.”

Jimin eyed Taemin’s latest idea with a reluctant groan.

“None of the other students have to break cinder block.”

“None of the other students are wolves. Besides, it’s been 6 years, you’ve broken stacks of boards. It’s time for a real challenge.”

“I’m lucky I haven’t broken a bone,” Jimin mumbled irritably. 

He did that day, but it was healed in a week and he broke his first cinderblock a month later.

———◐———

Five Years Ago...

———◐———

“Remember, timing is everything. Never let your opponent see what you’re going to do.”

“How many times do you think I’ve heard that over the last ten years?”

“Not enough, clearly. You’re still telegraphing with that right foot.”

Jimin’s left hand shot out and connected with Taemin’s jaw.

“Am I?”

Taemin blinked up at him from the floor. 

“Ok. I admit. That was pretty impressive.”

———◐———

Three Years Ago...

———◐———

“Oh! I’m so sorry, I was looking for Jin.”

Jimin scrambled to his feet, dumping the pile of pebbles he collected (for his mother’s garden) noisily to the ground.

“Luna...”

He took a discreet step backward as your gaze scanned the area in frustration. 

“You haven’t seen my cousin, have you?”

Jimin gulped. 

He had seen Kim Seokjin - leading a curvy beta girl (nose first no doubt) in the direction of the old wading pool. It took every bit of self-restraint he possessed not to laugh out loud each time Jin bashfully declared that he was a ‘good boy’ and to ‘be gentle with him,�� - after all, he’d given the same speech to two other she-wolves last week. 

Best not to scar her for life. Some things cannot be unseen.

His mind darted briefly to the scene he’d walked into at Taehyung’s house yesterday.

“I have no idea where Seokjin is, Luna.”

You sighed, gnawing absently at your lip while you considered his words, and Jimin felt a familiar hint of futile longing whisper through him. 

He’d never been so close to you, and now that he was, his wolf was making all sorts of insane suggestions to keep you near. 

Do a backflip. Climb a tree. Build her a house. 

Jimin bent quickly to gather his scattered stones, ashamed at the direction of his thoughts. 

You were so incredibly beautiful...

It was almost enough to make him forget that he would only ever be Park Jimin.  

He couldn’t blame the others for fighting and fawning over your attention like they did. You were the moon and every man around you was drawn in like the tide. 

“Today is my seventeenth birthday, you know.”

Jimin looked up to discover that you had moved much closer and were now looking down at him expectantly. 

He blinked. Twice. 

“I - yes. I did know.”

The entire pack was celebrating. He’d have to be comatose not to know.

“Should I save you a dance, Park Jimin?”

Up until that exact second, Jimin would have bet his life savings that you did not know his name. 

Yet here you were - so very close to him - gazing down into his eyes almost shyly.

He nodded because he couldn’t think of a single reason not to give you anything you wanted. And when you smiled so brilliantly -  he almost believed that you truly wanted to dance with him...

Almost. 

He never went to your party. 

He never danced with you.

Not that day. Not ever.

Because deep down he suspected that if he held you in his arms - even once - he would never truly let go. 

He was sure you wouldn’t notice his absence...  You wouldn’t remember talking to him by the time the evening rolled around. 

He never saw you search the crowds for his face right up until the midnight bell. 

He never saw you turn down dance after dance hoping that the beautiful boy from the forest would finally come and take your hand. 

He was your only wish that birthday. 

But he never knew. 

———◐———

One Year Ago...

———◐———

“I’ve never seen anything like your skill. You’ve long since surpassed me. I’m not sure what more I can teach you,” Taemin smiled, bumping Jimin on the shoulder, “Perhaps you should find a woman and spend a little less time practicing.”

An unwelcome flash of silver eyes and a laugh like sunshine danced through his mind. 

“No. I’m... not really the type wolf girls go for.” 

Taemin snorted. 

“I don’t believe that. Aren’t you an alpha?”

“Yes, but it’s... complicated.”

“Isn’t everything?”

Jimin laughed. 

“Yes, I suppose it is.”

Silence settled comfortably between them as they nursed several bottles of soju on his grandmother’s porch. Taemin had charmed the old hellion quite thoroughly and he would often drop by for a visit even when Jimin was back home with his pack.

“So what will you do now?” he asked. “You can’t compete. I can barely withstand sparring with you, and you’d kill a human - even if you landed a blow at half strength.”

Jimin ran his fingers absently through his hair while he pondered his mentor’s words. 

“I learned to fight because I was searching for something that would help me sort out who I was.” He scoffed. “I don’t know that I’m any closer to that goal.”

Taemin shook his head. 

“No. I think you’ve got it all wrong, Park Jimin. No one achieves what you have without knowing who they are. You’ve always been a fighter and some part of you realizes that.” He sighed heavily and finished off the rest of his drink. “Now I think you’re just... waiting.”

“For what?” Jimin chuckled playfully. 

Taemin pulled out another bottle and met his gaze with a knowing grin. 

“Something worth fighting for.”

———◐———

Now...

———◐———

Jimin remained unnaturally still, watching his rival barrel towards him with almost calculated intent. 

Namjoon’s arm drew back to land the first strike and- 

It was fast. 

So fast it almost seemed like magic. 

One moment the Kim alpha was the barest breath away from a swift and decisive victory-

Then he was crashing backwards onto the dirt. 

Those who watched carefully saw Park Jimin spin into a vicious kick, one that connected solidly with the middle of his opponent’s chest. 

Stunned silence pressed in from every side as Namjoon scrambled back to his feet, his expression wavering wildly between excruciating pain and monumental shock. 

Jimin smiled, letting his razor sharp canines lengthen menacingly as he flowed back into a perfect combat stance. 

“You didn’t think I’d just let you have her, did you?”

Please comment if you would like to be added to the taglist! If you have already asked, you will be tagged automatically in every update. 

Please please please let me know what you thought of this chapter! (*insert puppy face here*) I am so excited to hear what you think of everything that went down in this update and I savor each word of feedback like fine wine. Your theories and commentary have been such a gift. It truly keeps me writing. 

[hottpinkpenguin]

This Side of Paradise - Chapter I

Part of the Druig x Elena AU (see full AU list here)

Characters: Healer!OC (Galen), Fem!OC (Elena), Druig, Makkari

Summary: Druig finds himself connected to Sokovia following the Battle of Sokovia (Avengers: Age of Ultron) by a need to find something... or someone.

Warnings: Mature themes of death, loss & grief; depictions of protests and civil unrest; angst; fluff; (mild) depictions of childbirth

Read Chapter II here Read Chapter III here Read Chapter IV here

AU is thanks to mastermind @bellejeanx ♥

2015 Sokovia Four months after the Battle of Sokovia

Elena filed into the second row of folding chairs set up on the grassy lawn, the newly installed reflecting pool commemorating the Battle of Sokovia and loss of life therein shimmering nearby. The new Sokovian Memorial Park had been hurriedly erected near the site of the fault line where the center of the city had been ripped up at the roots and tossed into the sky like a ragdoll. Galen’s apartment - which was Elena’s apartment now that Galen was gone - had a pristine view of the new park, and Elena had seen similar events memorializing the dead from different organizations and communities happening almost around the clock for the last week. And today, it was her turn.

A large sign with bright red block lettering identified her seat: RESERVED FOR THE FAMILY OF GALEN SINGH, RN. Swallowing thickly, Elena removed the sign, tucking it under her chair, and sat down, smoothing the front of her black dress over her small baby bump.

Galen’s parents had declined Sokovia Central Hospital’s invitation to the memorial service in honor of the staff and patients who had lost their lives in the Battle of Sokovia a few months prior. Elena had considered following suit, although she couldn’t think of a reason not to come. Unlike Galen’s parents, who were still in England, Elena hadn’t left Sokovia since she’d come over in the blurry weeks after losing Galen. Despite ominous emails from her professors warning her that she was at risk of failing out of the masters program and worried phone calls from friends who hadn’t seen her in months, Elena couldn’t find it in herself to break away from Sokovia.

At first, she thought it was grief over losing Galen that kept her rooted to the city. She was slowly realizing that it was more than that; something else kept her here. She had difficulty understanding what it was exactly that felt so important, so pressing about staying in the city. Grieving over Galen would have been the same anywhere, Elena knew, because he had been a part of her life everywhere she had lived. He’d been her next-door neighbor and best friend in England, her pen pal when she studied at university in America, and her lover when she moved to London for her graduate degree. He was the father of the baby girl she carried around inside her. Losing him wasn’t connected to any one place; it would be the same gnawing hole in her heart no matter where she was

No, it wasn’t grief. It was a feeling of fate. Elena couldn’t shake the feeling that she was waiting for something to happen, and in her bones she knew that whatever it was, it would happen in Sokovia.

Elena stood up for an older couple to wiggle to their seats on her right. Like her, everyone in the first few rows was dressed in black and was looking for the names of their lost loved ones. Many of them had empty eyes, all of their grief having been poured out time and time again in the last few months. Elena knew that feeling; it was her constant companion. Her mourning had been catastrophic at first, a razor sharp knife to her sense of purpose; it had dulled somewhat with time, but the raw ache it left behind was its own form of torture.

The first few minutes of the ceremony passed by without grabbing Elena’s attention. It was the same platitudes she’d heard before: we owe our lives to those who gave up theirs in service that day, these are the true heroes, blah blah blah. Elena turned her mind off, letting the inane chatter wash over her.

It wasn’t until the speaker announced the arrival of the Avengers that Elena perked up, her attention rapt. The Avengers had kept a low profile in the weeks and months immediately following the battle. Elena suspected it was mostly a PR move on their part, rather than a show of respect for the lives lost. There had been demonstrations in the streets - some of them turning violent - almost every night against the Avengers since the Battle of Sokovia. Elena had heard rumors that world leaders were considering instituting control measures over the superpowered humans. Elena, unlike many Sokovian nationals, felt completely indifferent to the idea. She doubted that the Avengers intended for so many to die, but she also recognized that they likely didn’t care. How could they? To be superhuman, to be a hero, was to have some measure of control over death and pain. Elena and the others who had lost loved ones had no such power. There was a profound powerlessness to that realization. Elena knew that was why so many Sokovians were rioting in the streets: their powerlessness was manifesting as anger. She didn’t begrudge them that.

Tony Stark, in a handsomely tailored black suit, accompanied by all-American Steve Rogers wearing a somber expression, a young woman with long red hair and puffy red eyes that Elena didn’t recognize, and a man Elena vaguely remembered seeing on a billboard with a bow and arrow filed on stage. There was a general murmur of interest in the crowd of gathered mourners; from the street behind the ceremony, Elena heard the bitter screams of a protesting crowd. Tony Stark gave a wave that Elena guessed was meant to be warm and apologetic but came off as crass and self-congratulatory, drawing louder screams from the crowd in the street and a few disgruntled gasps from the crowd of mourners.

Elena watched closely as the Avengers settled into chairs on the stage. The speaker - some high-ranking hospital administrator - continued to drone on about the noble loss of life by the doctors, nurses, security officers, and admin staff of the hospital. A few sobs ricocheted around the crowd as different loved ones lost their composure. Elena doubted it had anything to do with what the speaker had to say, and much more to do with the irony of the moment. Despite not harboring strong resentments towards the Avengers, Elena couldn’t help but feel a burn of indignation at the notion that they sat on stage while Galen was decaying six feet underground in a box. As Elena watched the smug displays of false modesty from the four superheroes on stage - reacting to some praiseful comment from the speaker - she felt that burn ignite into a fire of rage.

She saw the same fire catching light in the expressions and angry whispers of the crowd around her. A general air of unease started to brew; the speaker and the Avengers behind him seemed to notice it too, their eyes beginning to dart back and forth across the crowd. Elena saw an older man on the opposite side of the aisle stand up and yell something at the podium. His voice was drowned out by the mic’ed up speaker, now exhorting the crowd with open-faced palms to “remain calm”. A few more people began to stand up like popcorn in the crowd.

A ruckus behind Elena drew her attention, along with those around her, back towards the protesting crowd on the street behind. It was difficult to see through the heads of the other mourners, all similarly craning their necks to see what was happening. A new tension - one of anxiety - began to creep in amongst the black-clad crowd. The speaker continued to drone on, recommending “compassion on this difficult day”. A few people had turned their attention back to the stage to renew their tirades against the Avengers. Elena turned back in time to see a security guard with an earpiece trying to usher the four superheroes off stage.

Suddenly, Elena caught sight of someone running down the center aisle. It was a young man, scrawny and shirtless, carrying a large white bedsheet with the inscription DEATH TO THE AVENGERS scrawled in black spray paint on it. He was screaming, his face a mask of blind rage, and Elena jumped when she realized that in his free hand he was carrying a bottle with a dirty rag hanging out of its neck, the rag burning merrily. A Molotov cocktail.

As if in unison, the crowd seated at the memorial service began to panic. People were standing, knocking over chairs in a frenzy to escape what Elena realized was a mob of protesters surging towards the stage from the street behind them. The small group of unarmed security officers that the hospital had brought with them to the event had clearly been unable to quell the tide of angry onlookers.

Elena herself stood up, gripping her small black clutch and the event program defensively in front of her belly. She watched, mesmerized, as the Molotov cocktail soared through the air towards the stage, the rag protruding from the bottle burning merrily. Elena saw out of the corner of her eye a flash of red as Tony Stark’s Iron Man suit seemed to materialize out of thin air around his body. More shouting from the back of the crowd drew Elena’s gaze there; she saw dozens of protesters, many of them carrying similar homemade weapons or fire bombs beginning the thread through the crowd of escaping mourners.

Elena tried to run, quickly stumbling over a folded chair that had been knocked down in front of her. With a painful smack to her shin, she crashed down to the ground, her legs tangling in the legs of the chair. One of her wrists bent backwards with a sharp agony as she broke her fall. People all around her were similarly bogged down from their escape routes by collapsed chairs. Chaos was beginning to mount as more protesters began to confront the Avengers directly. Sounds of breaking glass and bitter screaming pierced the air. Elena felt bile rise in her throat as she tried to stand, wanting only to get away from this. As if on cue, a twinge in her belly reminded her of the stakes.

As Elena stood back up, extricating herself from the chairs, she looked up to see two figures - a man and a woman - standing calmly next to a stand of trees. Their expressions were indifferent, which Elena found odd, and they seemed to be arguing over something as they watched the scene unfold in front of them. Elena felt an overpowering need to get to them; instinctively, she began lurching towards them, limping slightly as her injured shin protested against her full weight. She felt a stream of blood trickling down her leg from where she’d hit her shin against the chair.

The shouting and violence behind her seemed to have reached a new peak. The unmistakable staccato pop of gunshots cut through the crowd noise, accompanied by a crescendo of screaming. Elena forced herself to keep moving forward, not to look back. Her gaze fixed on the two figures slowly coming into focus as she got closer. The woman was slender with an elegant stature, her long dark hair pulled back with a few braids slung over one shoulder. Her eyes were full of concern, Elena realized, even if her posture was relaxed.

The man was pale with thick dark hair and somber looking, chewing on his lip, his eyes raking over the crowd. Elena felt that same intense need to reach the two. They cut a stark contrast to the frightened and fleeing onlookers. As she came within earshot of the two, their attention finally honed in on her; previously, she had been one of many ambling to the edges of the lawn, trying to escape the mob scene behind them, but now they seemed to realize that she was headed for them specifically. Elena saw the woman nudge the man and incline her chin in Elena’s direction.

It was then that Elena made eye contact with the man, his eyes a searing blue that she could see even from a distance of several yards. Elena couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was; a strong jawline, finely carved cheekbones, thick full lips, and those impossibly blue eyes. Elena felt a sensation akin to weightlessness enter her mind through his eyes. She spontaneously relaxed into the feeling, keeping her eyes glued on his. In the span of a breath, she registered his eyes change from blue to a bright, burning gold before the peaceful weightlessness overtook her…

[awindylife-writes]

Voyage of the Damned Part 2

Relationships: the Doctor x reader, Astrid x reader (platonic), Astrid x Doctor (platonic)

Summary: Voyage of the Damned rewrite. The Doctor and you find yourselves on the Titanic, space edition. You meet Astrid and get ready for a wonderful day, but then a meteor shower hits the ship and it starts falling towards Earth.

Author's notes: There was a number of things l didn't like about this Christmas special so again, l rewrote it.

Warnings: a ship crashes, multiple mentions of dearth bc a lot of people die

"Oi, Steward! I'm telling you, the shields are down!" a new man yelled.

"LISTEN TO HIM! LISTEN TO HIM!" the Doctor desparately screamed in the Steward's face. The two crewmen let him go and you didn't know it, but it was too late.

A moment later the ship started rocking like it was being torn apart, because it was. You lost your footing and fell back as everything turned sideways.

"Y/N!!!!" you heard the Doctor's terrified scream through the noise of the ship's destruction and the cries of other passengers. You couldn't even get a good look at where he was before something in the walls exploded and you threw yourself away.

You found Astrid near you and thank god for that. "I've got you!" you yelled over the noise and gripped her tight as you tried to shield her from the hell around you.

Then there were arms around you too, holding you up and protecting you. You knew those arms.

The Doctor had found you and the three of you clung to each other in that madness. You could feel each shudder of the ship like a wave of an earthquake. You tried to keep yourself steady and upright but you were the snow in a snowglobe someone was shaking. Balance was a mith and everything was being ripped apart. Various pieces of equipment were falling on all sides, there was fire burning all around you; you could feel its heat on your skin and you breathed its smoke. You felt sick from being thrown around but you were too terrified to hurl.

You couldn't close your eyes even though you wanted to. Everything in you was screaming to watch out for danger, but there was so much of it around you you didn't know where to look. You stared at disaster over Astrid's shoulder and the Doctor's arm. Shadow and light mixed into a disorienting mess and the shades the fire threw joined the dance. You coudn't distinguish what was near and what was far but you still looked.

The only thing you could do was clutch Astrid and the Doctor with all the strength you possessed and wish they wouldn't be harmed.

Finally you were thrown to the side in one last bang and then it stopped. You were lying on the floor and partly on the Doctor. He was on his back, still holding you and Astrid.

After a breath he let go, then stood up and swiftly looked around. You sat up, thankful you were still in one piece. You let go of Astrid enough to check her over and relief washed over you when you found out she was unharmed. You were about to yell if everyone was okay but the Doctor sushed you. After a moment of absolute silence he quetly declared, "It's stopping."

He then looked down at you in worry and offered you a hand. "You alright?"

As you quietly nodded, he looked over at your friend. "Astrid?"

She nodded too and took the hand he'd offered her. He pulled both of you to your feet.

"Bad name for a ship," he told you, scowling. "Either that, or this suit is really unlucky."

"We'll get you a new one and then we'll test that theory," you smiled weakly at him.

He looked at you, grateful, and then you heard Astrid suck in a breath.

The three of you looked down at the unlucky officer who was on the ground close to you. The Doctor kneeled to check him over. You saw him shake his head at the Steward and your stomack turned to stone.

~

The Steward was dead now too. You looked out the door with the Doctor, at the wreckage and the distant Earth. Still beautiful, you thought to yourself. You were a bit dazed, nothing felt real and everything was too real at the same time.

You knew you never wanted to feel so powerless again, but you also knew that drive was in you still. You would help where you could.

You gathered yourself and asked, "What happened?"

"How come the shields were down?" Astrid demanded a second later. You jumped, you hadn't noticed her there. She smiled gently at you, blue eyes kind, and caressed your shoulder. You managed a small, grateful smile in return.

"I don't think it was an accident," the Doctor growled. You figured that.

"How many dead?" Astrid and you asked in one voice, both looking at the Steward's body out in space. She was indignant though, while you were simply sad.

"We're alive," the Doctor answered her and then looked at you. "Focus on that," he told you gently. He knew what people being hurt did to you.

"I'll get you out of here," his voice was soft but firm. Then he turned to Astrid and you followed his eyes. She was trembling, still looking out at the result of the hell you all had endured. You took her hand into yours and squeezed it.

"I will get you both out of here," the Doctor assured her. "Astrid, l promise. Look at me." He held her shoulders and when she found his eyes, he assured her again, "I promise."

You were glad, because when the Doctor promised something, it happened. You needed her to live. Even if she'd want nothing to do with you after this, you needed her to live. Even if she had been anyone else, you would have done your damnest to ensure she survived, but Astrid was extraordinary. To think about the universe without her?

No. No.

After she nodded shakily, he concluded, "Good," and turned around. He went on about reception but you tuned him out. Instead, you looked Astrid in the eye and then pulled her closer. She gratefully accepted the hug.

"You heard what the Doctor said and l'll say it too. I promise we'll get you out of here." You squeezed her shoulder in emphasis.

She breathed deeply and slowly let go. Then she smiled and her bright eyes crincled. "Thank you," she told you gratefully. You nodded and swung your still joined hands.

"You know, l met you about two hours ago, but now l think l've known you for years," she said in wonder.

"Yeah?" you asked her and she nodded, still smiling. "I feel that way too," you told her, giddy in this moment. You both grinned at each other.

"Oh," the Doctor's sad voice cut through.

You whirled around. "What is it what's wrong?"

"That's the TARDIS over there," he told you and you desparately searched for the blue box with your eyes. He was right, it was spinning in zero gravity, so close but still out of your reach.

"What is that?" Astrid asked in confusion.

"It's our ship," you told her, throat tight. "It's our home."

"And it's programmed to lock onto the nearest centre of gravity, and that would be the Earth."

~

You took care of the other passengers with Astrid as the Doctor talked to the bridge. You overheard enough to know the picture.

"Are we going to die?" Foon asked and everything started going downhill.

The Doctor sushed the frightened passengers. "First things first," he began in a determined voice. "One, we're gonna climb through this ship. B, no, two, we're gonna reach the bridge. Three, or c, we're gonna save the Titanic. And, coming in a very low four, or d, or that little iv in brackets they use in footnotes, follow me."

Good, that was good, you thought to yourself. Always good to establish a goal.

"Hang on a minute." The fricking billionare decided to show he's an ass. "Who put you in charge?" he demanded. "And who the hell are you anyway."

"I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord." Sparks flew behind him and he was suddenly bigger than everyone in the hall.

"I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Casterbourus." You were grinning like mad. You could almost hear magestic music playing.

"I'm nine hundred and three years old, and l'm the man who's gonna save your lives and all six billion people on the planet below. And she's gonna help," he interjected, looking at you. "Have you got a problem with that?" he asked the billionare.

"No," the man admitted, baffled.

The Doctor turned to you. "In that case..."

"Allons-y," you said for him with a smile and started walking. You turned back, grinning at the group as the Doctor fell into step with you. You found Astrid with your eyes and nodded your head for her to join you.

~

"This whole thing could come crashing down any minute!" the billionare whined as he helped you clear the staircase of debris.

"Oh, Brixton, did you get that message?" you asked him sweetly.

He frowned in confusion. "No, what message?"

"Shut up," you told him, not covering up your annoyance.

Then you heard from above, "Bannacafalata, made it!"

You climbed up behind Astrid. You weren't about to leave her alone on this bloody ship.

~

Foon's screams echoed in the chasm. Death, death, all around you death, whywhywhywhy WHY?!?!

~

"Alright, when it's ready, that blue light comes on there," the Doctor pointed at the spot on the battery Bannacafalata had given you. Another person you hadn't been able to save.

Astrid frowned. "You're talking as if you two aren't coming with us."

"There's something down on deck thirty-one," you told her, "and we're gonna find out what it is."

"But what if you meet a Host?" She was worried about you and the thought melted your heart.

"Well, then we'll just..." The Doctor wiggled his eyebrows at you, smiling, "have some fun."

"Sounds like you two do this kinda thing all the time," Astrid added nonchalantly.

"Not by choice," you assured her, voice soft.

"Yeah, all we do is travel," the Doctor pitched in.

"Imagine it," you told her, suddenly wishing with all your heart you were out there, with her in the stars. "No stakes, no bills, no boss. Just the open sky." The wonder you felt when you thought about all you've seen seeped into your voice. There was all that space out there, so much room to wonder, so many skies to see.

"I'm sort of, uh, unemployed? Um, now," she answered as you looked at her expectantly. "I was thinking that blue box is, kinda small," she raised her eyebrows, "but l could... squeeze in? Like a stowaway!" Her eyes were so full of hope and your heart was bursting.

"It's not always safe," the Doctor's voice cut through the feeling. And you remembered. You remembered Foon and Morvin and Bannacafalata. How could you have forgotten???

"So you two need someone to take care of you," she protested. "I've got no one back on Stoe, no family. Just... me." She looked at you, blue eyes pleading. "So what do you think? Can l come with you?"

The Doctor smiled and looked at you. You were already grinning and nodding at Astrid, so incredibly happy. It was decided. "Yeah, we'd like that," the Doctor answered while you nodded on enthusiastically.

Her lips stretched into a wide grin and you pulled her close. You hugged her tightly, with a bright future ahead of you.

And then all three of you fell to the ground as the room shook.

~

"All charged up!" the Doctor yelled as the blue light came on. You all hurried back to the two waiting men. "Mister Copper, look after her; Astrid, look after him." He pointed at them. "Brixton, um..." he trailed off at a loss for words. "Look after yourself," he finally finished.

"We'll see you again," you reassured Astrid. "I promise." You steadily held her gaze so she knew you meant it.

And then you were off, running to the door on the other side of the hall.

"Hold on!" she called after you. "There's an old tradition on Stoe!"

"We've really got to go," the Doctor told her and you swatted his arm.

"Just wait a minute!" she yelled as she ran up to you.

She stopped in front of you, cradled your face and deftly kissed your cheek. "You'll get the other when you come back," she told you, smiling, then turned to the Doctor and did the same.

"See you later!" she called after you when you turned to leave.

"Not if l see you first!" you told her over your shoulder, a huge grin splitting your face.

"What she said," the Doctor joined in.

After seeing Astrid smile in turn, you were gone.

[amor-immortalem]

Okay idk how but there are people who allergic to fucking sun. I'm not not even messing around look it up its a actual thing. I wondered how the brothers would react to a MC who has this and thats why they wanted to stay in devildom cause they finally just go outside without covering ever cm of themself and be afraid the sun will burn them.

Ooooo Ive actually heard of this too. Its such a weird thing since humans need sunlight and all for our bodies to work properly. I think it comes from a genetic mutation.

I’m not sure how this is gonna go since I’m not the best writer out there but I’ll give it a go and see what I might get out of it.

The Brothers react to finding out MC has an allergy to the sun

Lucifer

Yes he was already well aware by time mc started the exchange program

I’d imagine he did a fair amount of research into the mc before they even got there- after all he had to make sure this exchange program went smoothly

While he had never met a human who had allergies to sunlight he had definitely heard of it being a thing

Honestly not surprised when he finds out mc wants to stay in the Devildom because of the lack of sunlight. I mean who wouldn’t consider this a paradise for humans like them.

Mammon

Oi human why ya wearin’ so many layers when ya go out

MC has to explain that its a habit because of their allergy to sunlight and they’re just used to covering up every inch of skin so it doesn’t get burned

And he’s just like “weird but okay” files the information away and they move on with their day

Probably would fight the sun for them if he could

Probably would demand that they stay down in the Devildom after their year is up and more than pleased when they tell him they’d rather stay too.

Levi

Sees how used to staying in they are to just staying in and wonders if they’re not actually a normie but a shut in otaku like himself

When they explain it to him, he’s so fascinated by the concept. Its like the ultimate nerf- you’d be too powerful without it

When he finds out they’d rather stay in the Devildom because of their allergy, mans is ecstatic. That means you guys will get continue having to crazy gaming sessions or anime binges and he doesn’t have to lose his best friend.

Satan

“Its like that one movie! What was it called again?”

Another one who’s fascinated by MC’s allergy.

He asks them all kinds of questions about it

Only slightly surprised when MC says they want to stay here instead of going back to the human world but he figured it might come to this.

Asmo

Another one who would fight the sun for them because how dare-

What kind of divine retribution-

Their poor skin. He can’t imagine what kind of hives and blisters they must’ve gotten in the past because of it.

Don’t worry! Asmo has tons of products that’ll help repair their skin. Just leave it all to him, hon.

Can I tell you the relief that washes over his face when MC says they want to stay in the Devildom. Asmo is more than happy for them to stay.

Beel

You’re doing him a concern MC. Why do have scars on your arms?

MC explains about their allergy to the sun and that the scars are from some really bad blisters they got as a kid and now he’s not as concerned but he still feels bad for them.

He remembers when he was an angel and how nice the sun in the celestial realm felt on his skin and he’s sad that MC never got to experience that feeling.

When MC says they want to stay in the Devildom because of the lack of sun, he’ll happily agree that its a good idea. Why would they want to go back when all that going to happen is that they’ll have to avoid the sun due to their allergy.

Belphie

Wow that sucks. Humans are weird. why do they have an allergy to something their body literally needs to function properly?

Probably one of the least concerned of the brothers.

Like it comes up one day in conversation and Belphie’s just like “okay…. And??” Unlike a couple of his brothers, he’s not going to hound the MC with questions.

They tell him they want to stay and he’s like “yeah I sure hope you would. No sense in going back to the human would to stay shut inside all day. You’ll become the human version of Levi.”

Masterlist 2

[eddiemunson-thehero]

hey there I've an idea for a bucky request, just an idea though if you don't wanna write it that's completely fine! : ) so im thinking super angst with a sprinkle of fluff maybe? bucky either has a nightmare or some type of episode as the winter solider and attacks reader but doesn't remember doing it, then when he sees reader again he keeps pestering her asking what happened to her bcuz he can see that she's injured. she doesn't want him to feel bad so she tries her best not to tell him but he keeps asking and wanting to talk to her to see if she's okay and she eventually tells him that he did it

Why of course! I hope this is something along the lines of what you requested. I ended up getting a bit carried away hahaha.

Here is Line Without A Hook

You, Bucky, and the rest of the team had just returned from a grueling mission infiltrating a Hydra base in Russia. To be expected Bucky was a bit shaken by being back there, he was quiet most of the ride back in the Quinjet. Deciding that a nice scalding long shower would not only ease your tension but also Bucky’s, you began to light sweet smelling candles along the sink and warm two towels in the dryer.

“Bucky come here my love,” you called out as you were discarding your tactical gear and stepping into the shower. After a few minutes of no response from your blue-eyed lover, you peek your head around the shower curtain, glancing around the room in search of Bucky. Not being able to find him made your heart drop to the depths of your body, slipping out of the shower, wrapping your body in a towel, setting off to find him.

When you enter your shared bedroom that is attached to the bathroom your nerves settle, finding your lover stationed stagnant on the bed as if he had fallen asleep sitting up. You walk over and place your hand on his shoulder, only to be met with his metal hand gripping your wrist, twisting your arm behind your back and up against his chest. 

“Bucky what’s going on?” you question, confused by the sudden force of violence he has used upon you. Apparently talking to him wasn’t the right move, seeing as you were now being shoved face-first against your bedroom wall, picture frames falling down from the force, glass shattering around the two of you. Gashes and cuts litter your face as blood begins to trickle down, seeping its way onto the white towel.

Your blood begins to run cold, soon realizing what exactly was going on, the mission had affected Bucky more than he had let on, more than you had realized. Being back in the cold of Russia, in the Hydra base had weakened Bucky, letting The Winter Soldier take main control of his mind and body. Struggling against the grasp that he had on you was no use, as the Soldat roughly turns you around shoving your back against the wall, bringing his metal appendage to wrap around your throat. Before his grasp became too tight you let out a blood-curdling scream, hoping someone would hear and come to your rescue. Black spots begin to speckle across your vision, breathing becoming more ragged as your limp body falls from the grasp of your lover.

________________________

Bright shining lights, hushed conversations, and the scent of sterilized tools are what you awoke to. Blinking slowly, allowing your eyes to adjust to the light you saw that you were in the infirmary located in the compound. Steve and Nat were at the door, indulging in a hushed conversation that you weren’t able to make out. Gently raising your body to sit up caused alarms to sound on the countless monitors that you were hooked up to, which made Steve and Nat’s heads whip around to see your terrified eyes.

Steve rushed to your side, “Y/N, are you okay? How are you feeling?”

You opened your mouth to speak, only to realize the tightness and dryness in your throat. Slowly you reached over to grasp the cup of water next to your bed, bringing it to your lips carefully, gulping down its contents quickly. “I’m okay, what happened” you rasped.

“You don’t remember?” Nat questioned, leading you to shake your head no. “Bucky attacked you, something from the mission…” she hesitated, “caused him to lose control on his mind and body, allowing for the Winter Soldier to resurface.” 

“Where is he?” you didn’t care what had happened to you, bruises and cuts would heal with time, the emotional turmoil this would cause Bucky would simply break him. You needed to get to him before he realized what the Winter Soldier had done to you, ripping out your IV and removing your nose cannula, you swung your legs over the edge of the bed ready to find him.

Steve grasped your arm, pulling you back into bed, “He’s in bed, he hasn’t woken up yet, he doesn’t know…” 

“Don’t tell him,” you begged, “Please don’t tell him, he will never forgive himself, let me handle it.” Steve and Nat shared a concerning glance between each other before slowly nodding, knowing that if and when Bucky finds out what happened, he would never forgive himself and would surely disappear. 

After a few hours of tests, you were discharged and were able to go back to your room. Walking down the hallway your breath hitched as you hesitated opening up the door to your shared bedroom with your lover. Hearing his soft snores is what pulled you from the trance, twisting the knob and slipping in quietly. Discarding your clothing in the laundry basket, you crawled your way into bed, next to the man you recognized, smiling peacefully to yourself, you know in your heart that you two will be able to overcome this, as long as he never finds out he was the one to inflict so much harm upon you.

____________________________

The next morning you awoke to soft feather-light kisses being pressed along your spine. Contently you rolled over to snuggle closer to the warmth that radiated off of Bucky, welcoming arms encased you bringing you closer to his chest. Opening your eyes and slowly looking up at Bucky, you heard him inhale harshly, eyes filled with terror and worry. “What the hell happened to you doll?” he stuttered.

“Oh you don’t remember?” you questioned hesitantly, “I got caught up during the mission, some Hydra agents got to me but, you rescued me, my knight in shining armor you.” Letting out a breath you did not know you were holding, you stared at Bucky, praying to God that he believed you.

“No, I don’t remember that, I don’t remember much of the mission…” he trailed off, looking at you questionably. Slowly removing yourself from his grasp, you left the warmth of your bed, extending a hand out to him. “Come on, let's go eat,” you whispered, hoping he would drop the subject. Bucky intertwined his hand with yours, pulling himself out of bed, trekking down the hall to the kitchen where Steve, Nat, and Tony were chatting over breakfast.

“Good morning everyone,” cheerfully you skipped over to the fridge to get out the jam while Bucky grabbed the bread and peanut butter for your breakfast meal.

“Y/N what the hell happened to you?” Tony gasped when your mangled neck and face came into view.

“Oh nothing, just a few scratches from the mission, don’t worry I’m okay,” you replied, hoping everyone would just drop the subject.

“It wasn’t on the debrief, I read it just a few moments ago, care to explain this?” you felt four sets of eyes on you as you slowly turned around, hesitating on your next sentence you locked eyes with Nat and Steve wordlessly begging them for their help.

“Doll…” Bucky moved slowly near you, grabbing both of your hands, pulling you to look at him but, you couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes. Steve and Nat ushered Tony out of the kitchen with hushed whispers. A metal hand reached under your chin, lifting it and making you hold eye contact with Bucky. You open your mouth to start to try and explain but nothing comes out as tears slip down your cheeks. That was an answer enough for Bucky, to realize that the gashes and cuts on your face, the bruise that cascaded down your neck was him. “Did I…” Bucky’s eyes shifted to the floors, dropping your hands from his as he began to step back from you.

“Buck, honey it’s okay I’m okay,” you rushed out moving towards him, which only caused him to back himself up against the wall away from you. “It wasn’t you, this wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know how going there would affect you, no one could have predicted this.” As soon as those words slipped from your lips he was gone, rushing away from you. 

_________________________

You didn’t see Bucky for the rest of the day, you decided to give him the space he needed, hoping that by the end of the night he would come back to you. Wait, that was all you were able to do. When dusk fell your day spent walled up in your room became unbearable, you slipped out of bed, letting your legs carry you to the living room of the compound where you found Steve. Sitting next to him startled him, causing him to look up at you with glossy bloodshot eyes.

“Steve, where’s Bucky?” you question, unsure why the soldier broke down in front of you. Mindlessly you wrapped your arms around him, cooing gently to him.

“He’s gone…” he muttered, “Bucky left this afternoon, to Wakanda.” Steve glanced up at you to see a play-by-play of your heart-shattering. “Shuri said she could get the Winter Soldier program out of him within some time, so he left.”

Wordlessly you curled into Steve’s arms, slowly realizing that the love of your life left you, without even saying goodbye or a promise of returning.